#it has been a crescendo of stuff i -

[bylrndgm]

babygirl, take a break. rest. pls.

thanks love, i wish i could come back saying i did, instead here is a moodboard portraying how my life's been.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🎶🎻 let's see if this actually helps me find this later

WIBTA for marking up my friend's sheet music?

ok so I (15m) have a friend (17f) and we both play cello in the classical music ensemble at our school. we have both been playing cello for approx 7 years. we had very different musical upbringings: she learned to play cello in a class with a bunch of other kids, and from what I gather there were many other instruments and the teacher took kind of a hands-off approach, which is typical for the kind of elementary school she went to. I, on the other hand, learned through private lessons (which I don't think I'm better for, it's just different) and my teacher (who I still take piano and cello lessons from) is a little bit obsessive when it comes to correct technique and stuff. I care a little less about technique than my teacher, but I definitely developed quite a few of her habits: I always pay really close attention to what the sheet music tells me, especially dynamics and which direction my bow needs to go in, or how many notes I'm playing in a bow stroke. part of this is because that's what the composer would have wanted and also because when I started my teacher would make me mark everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in my sheet music. we're talking fingerings, bow markings, highlighting every chreschendo and decrescendo, putting the counting in for all of the rhythms and more. now I typically only mark super important things, like if I keep forgetting a note or something, and I rarely mark my cello sheet music in ensembles, though everyone has seen me mark my bass music, since I'm new to bass.

Recently, since it's about 2/3rds of the way through the school year and we have a good group, my ensemble has been playing more challenging stuff. the parts or more intricately layered and dynamics are a pretty big thing, especially for the cello section, since we basically have one line for half of a piece which is just to play some half notes that crescendo and decrescendo over and over. and it's like, all we do, like it's a pretty big part of the song. the issue is that my friend just kind of ignores the dynamic markings and bowings in the music and what the other cellists are doing (there's three of us, including me and her and she sits in between us) so she just kinda plays the piece at the same volume. the whole time. and it's written right there. and she's heard me play it solo without the ensemble before, so in theory she knows how to do it. and after seven years of playing the cello, you should have the bow control to play quietly.

now, this wouldn't annoy me so much if her ignorance wasn't a recurring thing. last year, we played aquarius with the jazz ensemble and we both really liked the piece. except we had this one part. we had to play a bunch of tied whole notes in the beginning. just two in a row and then we'd change bows. (if you don't play an instrument, a tied note is basically when the note is played over two measures, in this case we would play the same note fore eight beats, and then reverse the direction of our bow) now, I can hold my bow in one direction for eight beats. it's not fun or easy and I'd rather play a melody or bass line to begin with, but if you're playing quietly (like we were supposed to be) you can maintain a pretty steady pace for eight beats in one bow. my friend NEVER did this. she would just run her bow back and forth on the note until we moved on to the next and then do the same there. and I'm talking like she'd play maybe ten notes while we played one. which, obviously, through off the rhythm. we weren't as close last year and I didn't know she'd been playing as long as she had, so I ignored it. but, she kept doing it and she still does. I've confronted her about it multiple times, saying how it's like if you breathed half way through a note on a wind instrument, how it messes us up because her bow will go in a different direction than the other cellos and hit me in the elbow a lot, and how it makes us look weirdly messy. every time she just kind of says okay and walks off.

now, I think my friend could benefit from having her sheet music marked like my teacher used to make me, because clearly just mentioning it to her is not enough and as we move on to harder music it's making us look worse. so, wibta if I brought some extra pens and highlighters and reminded her to circle or highlight different dynamic, rhythmic and bowing notations if she doesn't play them the first few times?

What are these acronyms?

[moonstruckme]

hi mae !!! i’ve been resding ur stuff for forever & if this request doesnt strike ur fancy i just wanted to at least say that!!! but i would love love love anything you have to say about steve harrington comforting his s/o (maybe shy!reader?? but no pressure on that) after a very tough emotional few weeks? like yknow those weeks that just knock you down & then stomp on you a little & have you saying “it’ll get better if i can just get through the week” but then the next week comes and it’s just as 🕳️🤸 as the last ? idk if this makes sense but ik u wanted more requests w our other boyfriends !!

Hi lovely, thank you for requesting!

Steve Harrington x shy!reader ♡ 791 words

You’ve been trying not to cry for about a month now, and this stupid movie is going to do you in. Steve’s got his arm splayed across the top of the couch, his features lit in the colors of the TV screen and revealing only a vague sympathy for the characters in the movie as opposed to the steady crescendo of emotion that’s building behind your eyes. 

You turn from him so he won’t see your heating complexion and do your best to hold it in. You hold it until you can feel your heart beating in your sinuses. Steve’s fingers start toying with your hair, and it feels so ridiculously casual and tender that it only makes matters worse. 

You must make some sort of sound, because then he’s shifting beside you. His eyes burn into the side of your head. 

“Hey.” His voice is quiet, unsure. “You okay?” 

You breathe in through your nose, swallowing hard. “Yeah.” 

“Are you crying?” 

“No,” you say. But you are now, properly, and your denial is completely undermined by the wobble in its delivery. 

“You are,” Steve accuses, letting his hand drop onto your shoulder just as it gives its first great hitch. He tenses. “Hey, it’s okay. We can change the channel.” 

You let loose a horrid laugh, wet and pitchy. “No,” you tell him, finally breaking and wiping underneath your eyes. “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t want to upset you.” He grabs the remote. His tone has gone serious and a bit panicky. “We’ll find something lighter to watch.” 

“It’s not the movie.” You turn towards him and he pauses, frozen like a rabbit in the forest. “It’s just…it’s a lot of things, you know?” 

Everything about Steve melts. His shoulder sag, the hand with the remote dropping into his lap, his lips part, he slouches towards you a bit, his eyebrows pull up and to the middle. “Yeah,” he says, soft and smooth as butter. “Yeah, I get that.” 

You try to smile, making fun of your own ill-timed meltdown, but another sob breaks free from you again. Steve slumps further. If you keep going like this, you’ll shatter into a million pieces and he’ll liquefy into a stain on the couch and that’s all Robin will find of either of you when she inevitably comes looking. 

“It’s okay.” Steve’s hand makes its way from his lap into yours, taking your hand and squeezing your fingers lightly. “You’re okay, you’re good.” 

And you know you are, but it feels nice to hear him say it. Your shoulders shake, and you tilt your head downwards, salty tears dripping off your nose. 

“Sorry,” you croak out, but he only brings his other hand to your face, angling you up where he can see you. 

“I don’t mind,” he promises. When his thumb sweeps an arc from the side of your nose nearly to your ear, you shudder. 

Steve’s brows twitch together, but he doesn’t alter his grip. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” 

“No, what is it?” 

“It’s just…” Just that you short-circuit anytime he touches you, and right now your body doesn’t know where to put the excess emotion. You think if he pays you any more attention you’ll have a heart attack. Cause of death: Steve Harrington’s tender ministrations. “Sorry, nothing.” 

His forehead creases as his thumb brushes once more, feather light, under your eye, and then his expression clears. Because though intuitive Steve is not, he’s perceptive enough to catch your unintentional glance to where his hand rests upon your cheek. 

“Oh, sorry.” He stills, eyes flickering back to yours. “Hey, if you want me to stop, I’ll stop. Just say the word.” 

And you have to think, because it is torment, and it might actually kill you. But at least this way you’ll die happy. 

“That’s okay,” you murmur. “It’s nice.” 

A little smile curves Steve’s lips before he remembers you’re sad and tries to squash it. You feel something similar tugging at your mouth anyway. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

You sniffle. “I don’t think so. I’m just kind of tired of it, you know?” He looks like he does. “Maybe we could just keep watching the movie?” 

“Yeah, sure honey.” The endearment slips out as if it’s something he says every day, and Steve’s demeanor doesn’t reflect anything different. For your part, you feel a buzzing in your chest so intense you wonder if you’ll disintegrate into tiny pieces. He scoots closer to you on the couch, settling an arm around your shoulders and leaning you into his side. “Let me know if it’s too much, okay?” he asks quietly, like it’s a secret. 

You rest your head on his shoulder and say nothing. 

[waldau]

crescendo — chwe hansol | 1,042 words | fluff

boinon! chwe! hansol! back on my marriage agenda because it's ME. song taken from vernon's playlist from weverse magazine. also i'm a firm believer that vernon is the kind of guy who looks at two of anything and just goes "us." please enjoy me simping for him.

gender neutral reader. warnings: none.

you notice vernon's not sleeping anymore.

he's looking up at you from where his head is resting on your chest. he always does this thing where his gaze is focused on you till you acknowledge it, whether it's by asking him what's up, or blushing at how intense it is.

this time, though, you don't do anything to shake the moment. so it's just you looking down into his eyes that are looking back at you, and it's not the first time you've paused to admire his eyes.

before vernon, you didn't really understand how you could be lost in someone's eyes. but his eyes? hazel brown, shining when they catch the light just right, a hundred thoughts running through them. streaks of light you wish you could decode.

there's a soft love song playing in your ears while your hands rest on his chest, tracing the shapes of the stars on his shirt. he manages to look good even when he's upside down, somehow.

soft. vernon would shake his head if you said that to him out loud, but he wouldn't deny it. not anymore. he likes when you call him nicknames. he likes when you call him, even. content to listen to your self-professed rambling about whatever's on your mind.

just like you're content to listen to him ask you ridiculous questions out of the blue. ridiculous to anyone who doesn't know him.

"do you believe we're made of the same stuff stars are made of?"

you'd blinked out of the show you'd been watching. "i...yeah? technically? hydrogen and all."

"does that mean we found each other all those years ago? and not just now?"

vernon has a way with words, really. he doesn't downplay it, but that's because you don't let him know how much it affects you in the first place. you could be talking about two seeds in a segment of tangerine and he'd say it was the both of you. two moths flying around a lamp? you.

and then there's times you think his humour couldn't get any worse.

"hey, you dropped something."

you'd looked around to find nothing out of place. "what?"

"my jaw."

suffice to say, vernon didn't get a single kiss from you for the next few hours.

(of course, you'd had to make it up to him with a ton of kisses and cuddles later on.)

right now, he's still looking at you, and the song has changed. you don't know the name of it, having picked it from the playlist vernon made for you, that he keeps adding to.

i hope you like this, he'd said shyly, when he'd sent you the link to it.

it's not surprising that you've liked almost every song you've heard so far. of course, there's a few that don't match your vibe, but when you close your eyes and think of vernon enjoying the song, lost in his own world, it makes you like them a little more.

back to the present. your fingers are tapping along to the rhythm of the song, something about love and self-doubt, upbeat yet heart-wrenching with a guitar riff that's so painfully vernon that you have to lean down and kiss his head.

vernon grabs your fingers where they're dancing on his chest and presses a kiss to your thumb. then your index finger. then the rest of your fingers. and then your palm.

you stop the song, amused at how affectionate he's being.

"what's up?" you ask, taking off your earphones.

he shakes his head. you push at his shoulder lightly.

"keep listening to your song."

you frown. "am i ignoring you?"

vernon sighs. "not at all. it's just...you'll stop doing it if i point it out."

"stop doing what?"

he takes your hand and places it on his chest, trapping it in place with his own. "you do this...thing. you tap out a song on me when we're not listening to it together. and then i try to guess what you're listening to. and i almost always get it wrong. it's...silly."

your heart feels too big for your chest. "vern? have i ever told you how much i love you?"

he shuts his eyes, a smile on his face. "yeah. 'course you have. love you, too."

squeezing his hand that's holding yours, you resume playing the song. he lets go of your hand so you can continue tapping out the beats.

"can you guess what it was?" you ask, once the song ends.

"hm. kinda fast paced, and there's only a few of those on there. breaking the law?"

"nope."

"rock with you?"

you shake your head. "did you really add one of your own songs on there?"

"hey, we make good music, too."

"never denied that."

vernon shrugs. "i don't know."

"marry me."

vernon freezes noticeably under your hand, before pushing it away and sitting up, staring at you.

it's just you and him and the silence in the room. his eyes have you trapped in place, unable to look elsewhere.

"by ellegarden!" you blurt out, suddenly realizing how your words could be misconstrued. "it's..." you scroll through the playlist. "the first song you ever put in there."

"oh," is all he says, but he's blushing. he's blushing. you made your famously stoic boyfriend blush.

"vernon? did you think i..."

"...maybe?"

you let out a small laugh at that. "do you really think...have you ever thought about getting...y'know?

"married?" he asks, smirking. "you shouldn't ask me about it if you're so shy."

"i didn't—!" it's a losing battle. of course you've thought about it, and of course you're shy about it. spending the rest of your life with the person who means the most to you sounds like a dream, and you're living in it right now. halfway there.

"if it's any consolation," vernon says, slotting his fingers with yours, "i've thought about it."

"and?"

"i like it."

it's nearing six in the evening. vernon has his head on your chest again, listening to a song with you this time. you're going to have to listen to it again, the way your brain is clouded by thoughts of him and you.

it can't get better than this.

taglist: @bookyeom @wootify @strnsvt @cloudycaramel @thepoopdokyeomtouched @minnieminshi

[ponett]

Bobby's 2023 Media Wrap-Up

So! Like I said before, this past year I kept a running list of everything I watched, every game I finished, every new album I listened to, etc., and wrote one-paragraph blurbs with my thoughts on every single one. Please enjoy this journey through everything I liked, or didn't like, in 2023, with my favorites of the year listed at the bottom.

(Yes! This is long!!)

Some notes:

I mainly only included things I finished. Exceptions are marked with an asterisk.

I included some YouTube stuff as "TV shows" - mostly particularly long, high effort video essays and documentaries.

I was a bit less adventurous than I'd like to have been this year. Part of this was just that I felt like I was constantly playing catch-up with Big Releases I felt obligated to check out, and part of this was just executive dysfunction from burnout. Wait until you see how long it took me to beat Mario Wonder lmao

Yes, I need to read more books. I don't read a lot of books these days. I need to get back to Discworld.

COLOR KEY

Video Games • TV / Web Video  •  Movies  •  Comics  •  Music

January

1/15: Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn (MSQ) - Very slow at times, the Primal shit is generally extremely lame to me outside of the boss fights themselves, but god if the quality of life improvements over WoW, the JRPG energy, and the fact that it Actually Has A Story carry it pretty hard.

1/18: Sonic the Hedgehog: Scrapnik Island miniseries - One of the most creative and compelling uses of the Sonic IP… ever? Fantastic little self-contained arc about the struggles of Eggman’s abandoned creations that gracefully weaves between heartfelt optimism and moody horror with some of the best art ever seen in a Sonic comic.

1/18: Mega Man X4 - Glad I finally actually beat this after never even beating any of the Mavericks as a kid! I can see why it’s a lot of peoples’ favorites. The gameplay has very little of that X series bloat and is just fun, especially after getting X’s armor upgrades. (But the story really is a long series of missed opportunities.)

February

2/2: Donks - Felix Colgrave continues to be an exceptional artist. The sound design on this is fantastic and really sells this short as something unique. Had to go back and watch his older stuff again after this.

2/4: Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward (3.0 - 3.3 MSQ) - I get it now. I get why people say this is just a proper mainline Final Fantasy game built into the framework of an MMO. That shit ruled. Not even walking back the drama in Ul’Dah from the end of ARR can sour me on it because the main storyline was so strong.

2/8: Disneyland's Forgotten Sci-Fi Rock Band - Live From the Space Stage - A nice and honest tribute to a group of artists who could have easily been forgotten. In hindsight this feels like a precursor to Kevin’s Disney Channel jingle video, a tribute to the unsung artists pouring their hearts into “lesser” art for a megacorporation, art that was designed to be transient but sticks with people nonetheless.

2/9: Metroid Prime Remastered* - Not gonna finish because I just played through the Wii version in 2021, but still. Very, very pretty remaster.

2/16: Theatrhythm Final Bar Line - It’s more Theatrhythm. What more could I want

2/17: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stone Ocean (anime) - Probably the best part of the anime so far (assuming they continue on to SBR). A near perfect mix of the more structured plot of part 5 with the goofiness of parts 3 and 4 that crescendos into a fantastic, bombastic, emotional, bittersweet ending. The use of footage from the original opening and the new ending set to Roundabout in the finale were perfect, and made me intensely nostalgic for the early days of my JoJo fandom between seasons 1 and 2 of the anime.

2/22: Aggretsuko Season 5 - I don’t really know what to make of this one. Once you get past the agonizing initial arc all about Haida where Retsuko has to be his overbearing mommy GF who flips out and starts spying on him when she’s left on read and chides him when he misbehaves, it feels like an improvement over the previous seasons. But I don’t know how much of that is due to the extremely low bar set by season 4. And then the ending is extremely rushed and anticlimactic. They got legally married and the only acknowledgement was a shot of them signing the paperwork in a montage partway through the final episode?????????

2/24: Double Fine PsychOdyssey - God, what a journey the making of this game was. I already loved 2 Player’s past efforts at documenting Double Fine’s process, but this takes it to a whole new level. This feels culturally significant. The depth and honesty with which they depict not just the nitty gritty of making a game, but also the inherent struggles of working on a collaborative creative work for years at a time, is astounding. Not to mention that they were there to capture the shift from office life to remote work as COVID hit. So much of this would have been nightmarishly stressful to watch if I didn’t already know how successful the game was, but that’s just because they really didn’t sugarcoat it. And yet even after all that, it leaves me feeling optimistic about video games as an art form in a way that the constant headlines about cynical live service games don’t. There are still people out there pouring their hearts into making real art, and this is their story. Everyone who plays video games should watch this.

2/25: Cracker Island (Gorillaz) - New Gorillaz albums feel like less of an event these days, but after Humanz it feels like they’re just more chill with the project and their ambitions with it. Every couple years we get some more laid back jams from Damon along with some fun new collabs. Hard to complain. Favorite track: New Gold

2/25: Pool Kids (Pool Kids) - I discovered this band because Derek knows them and was excited when they got a song added to Fortnite through the Bandcamp collab. Always down to find more cool indie rock bands I can vibe with. The mix of dreamy vocals and energetic riffs on some of the tracks here almost fill the Crying-shaped hole in my heart. Almost… Favorite track: Conscious Uncoupling

2/25: Insane in the Rain (insaneintherainmusic) - I thought it was really funny timing when Carlos announced that his first original project would be a jazz fusion album inspired by acts like T-Square and Casiopea right as I was getting into those two specific bands. The final product does not disappoint. Favorite track: Insane in the Rain

2/26: Get Up Sequences Part Two (The Go! Team) - I’ve never been one to believe that a band’s sound has to remain exactly the same forever, but it really does hit you hard that the first two tracks here sound like classic The Go! Team. Their more recent cleaner sound is still here too, though, for a nice mix of old and new. Favorite track: Divebomb

2/28: Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury (Season 1) - Oh my god. Oh my god. I got distracted around the time I was finishing SLARPG, but finally catching up now, wow. My assumption that the seemingly lighter tone of the series compared to the prologue was there to lull us into a false sense of security before twisting the knife when war finally breaks out was spot on. This is peak Gundam.

March

3/4: Pizza Tower - One of the best platformers I’ve played in a long time. It transcends its blatant Wario Land inspirations with the sheer speed at which Peppino can move and the way things like the level design, his wall running, and even the hidden ability to do a second lap around the level reward getting into a flow state where you’re just constantly moving. This is the type of game that wants to turn you into a speedrunner. My only real complaint is a few iffy enemy designs that I wish would get patched.

3/6: Bloons TD 6 * - I bought this before bed one night on a nostalgic whim and then the next morning woke up and saw the Steam receipt email on my phone in one of the most “what did I do last night” moments of my life. I like when the monkeys pop the balloons.

3/7: The Book of Boba Fett - I put off finishing this show for a very long time but finally caved upon the release of The Mandalorian season 3. This show spends four episodes failing to make me give a shit about Boba Fett trying to be “the daimyo” and drive the drug trade off of Tatooine, then just gives up and becomes season 2.5 of Mando, which in turn feels like it undercuts the main series. It fails as both its own story and as a spinoff. I know that finishing this after Andor did it no favors, but WHOOF.

3/12: Obi-Wan Kenobi - Some interesting ideas in the first half hinting at a more introspective show, but it’s mostly swept aside in the back half so it can become a generic Star Wars adventure remixing things from A New Hope and Rebels (and apparently Jedi: Fallen Order). Action scenes have zero stakes because you know nothing can happen to any of the returning characters and none of the new ones are particularly interesting. Why there’s a second climax hinging on a Luke Skywalker death fakeout eludes me. Obi-Wan throwing the rocks at Vader is one of the funniest things in Star Wars history. But it was still better than Book of Boba Fett, I guess.

3/19: The King of Braves GaoGaiGar - Wow, cool robot indeed… GaoGaiGar isn’t going to blow anyone away with its writing, but sometimes you just need a really fun monster of the week mecha show with great action and lovably goofy characters. This is a show where like 20% of every episode consists of recycled transformation, combination, and signature attack sequences and I ate it up every time because they look fucking cool as hell. I don’t care. I’d watch Final Fusion another 49 times.

3/21: The Last of Us (HBO) * - Watched the first two episodes out of curiosity, but I’m not sure if I’ll continue because I don’t give a shit about The Last of Us. It’s definitely a well done adaptation, though, even if I know it’s inevitably going to devolve into miserable torture porn with questionable politics if they adapt Part II faithfully. The ending of episode 2 also lines up perfectly with where I stopped in the game in 2013 lmao

3/27: The Future is a Dead Mall - Decentraland and the Metaverse (Folding Ideas) - Another banger from Dan Olson. This time the premise inherently gives him more time to just show off a bunch of stupid ugly bullshit made by crypto guys, which is fun. My main complaint was that I wished he would’ve brought up Second Life more as a point of comparison (a thing I basically always want out of discussion of “the metaverse”), but he at least did touch on it in the last section.

3/31: The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog - I can’t believe after years of begging for the supporting cast to get more and better material in a Sonic game I got my wish in the form of a freeware murder mystery VN released for April Fools. This kicked ass.

April

4/7: Berserk - Completed Miura’s run and caught up on the chapters that have been released posthumously. It’s hard to say anything that hasn’t been said about Berserk, universally agreed upon as one of the greats of manga and fantasy fiction as a whole. What begins in its first few volumes as a nihilistic and edgy action comic built to facilitate as much sex and gore as possible quickly evolves into something deeply human and vulnerable and beautiful, both figuratively and in terms of its lavish art. The world sucks and is immeasurably cruel, and you will see that cruelty illustrated in graphic, sickening detail repeatedly throughout the series. (Perhaps a little too often throughout the Golden Age, where it feels like Miura never misses an opportunity to threaten Casca with sexual assault mid-battle.) But the point isn’t to wallow in that misery. It’s the story of a victim of horrific abuse learning to slowly open up to others, having those people he cares about torn away from him in the worst night of his life, hardening himself into a cold killing machine, and then slowly learning to open back up again, even if it means leaving himself vulnerable to more hurt. Anyone who says that the series peaked with the eclipse and went downhill in the “Guts’ JRPG Party” era is missing the point. Guts needed to find new people in his life to care about, to begin to find happiness again. Because no matter what unspeakable things Guts has gone through, it’s still possible for him to heal and to be loved. It takes time, but eventually you stop and realize that life has moved on.

4/8: Dedede’s Drum Dash Deluxe - Skipped it upon release because I didn’t particularly care for the minigame in Triple Deluxe, and I didn’t miss much. It’s fine as a little distraction, but not as a standalone rhythm game with only seven songs. If you don’t bother with the hard modes or chase after high scores this game is 15 minutes long. Oh how I yearn for Kirby to get the Theatrhythm treatment.

4/10: The King of Braves: GaoGaiGar FINAL - Eh… It was okay. Lots of cool robot fights, but said fights are stitched together with a mediocre plot that tries too hard to be more “mature” than its unabashedly schlocky kids’ show predecessor. Not crazy about the ending, either, which tries to be a bittersweet farewell closing off the series once and for all while also teasing that maybe there’ll be ANOTHER sequel after the OVA series they literally called “FINAL.” Ah well.

4/11: The Owl House - Sad to see this one go, but it’s hard to imagine them doing a better finale than this, even if they had gotten the six seasons they deserved. I’m not as obsessed with The Owl House as I probably would’ve been had it come out when I was, like, 20, but it’s a really fantastic show for all the reasons people always say. Great characters, great world, great story. I love that this starry-eyed fantasy story about a teenager finding love and a place where she belongs is also set on the rotting corpse of a titan with Hieronymous Bosch-inspired scenery and freaky monsters everywhere. What a great mix. If anything, I just wish I would’ve watched the first season as it aired so I could’ve had more time with it.

4/29: Mega Man Battle Network 3: Blue Version - FINALLY beat this via the new collection, 20 years after playing it as my first Mega Man game. (Technically my first was White, not Blue, but whatever.) There are more annoyances than I remember - lots of really really bad forced backtracking sections where you have to revisit every previous part of the internet, low chip drop rates, some really aggravating bosses like BubbleMan and KingMan, etc. But it’s still a great time overall. It’s Battle Network. In the back half the story gets surprisingly emotional, too. I was always under the assumption that the Hub stuff never came back up much in the story after 1, so I was pleasantly surprised with how relevant it was to the emotional arc of 3.

4/30: Mega Man Battle Network 4: Red Sun * - Yeah I’m not playing through the whole thing lmao. I just wanted to play the first couple hours for nostalgia’s sake, and as a baseline for how much better the rest are. Even before getting deep in the game and having to deal with all the shit gated between doing two new game+ playthroughs, it’s immediately obvious how much of a downgrade this one is. Tons of glaring errors and typos all over the script, blander music, a way more boring aesthetic for the internet, and a premise that mostly just recycles the tournament idea from 3.

May

5/14: The Venture Bros. - Glad I finally sat down and watched all of this with Anthony after having seen one (1) episode as a teenager and a bunch of random clips in the years since. Great show. Some jokes in the early seasons haven’t aged gracefully, but what the show grows into over time... man. Hank and Dean go from being the butt of the joke to being characters you actually sympathize with - while still also being funny little goofballs. And the journey Henchman 21 goes on throughout the show. Man. Amazing that a comedy like this could run for 20 years and maintain its level of quality. Can’t wait for the movie.

5/18: Future Me Hates Me (The Beths) - Okay yeah I’m now just discovering bands through Fortnite lmao. I can’t complain really, they pick some really great indie artists for the in-game radio stations. Anyway: It’s very easy to win me over with a combination of energetic power pop, catchy guitar riffs, and earnest lyrics like this. One of those albums where three or four tracks in I know I have to buy it. Favorite track: Not Running

5/18: Jump Rope Gazers (The Beths) - Ditto. Favorite track: Dying to Believe

5/18: Expert In A Dying Field (The Beths) - Another good album. (I’m listening to these in release order.) I’ve been a bit slower to warm up to this one, initially thinking it was a little too mellow overall, but it might be my favorite after a few listens. Some real high highs. Interestingly, the lead singer’s New Zealand accent is also coming out more in her singing? Favorite track: Your Side (or maybe Head in the Clouds)

5/19: The Super Mario Bros. Movie - As a Mario fan, I think I enjoyed it? As a movie, less so? It was decent, in spite of feeling like they came up with a list of fun action setpieces first and then wrote the absolute bare minimum possible for the story scenes tying it all together. Full thoughts here. (This is the first movie I’ve seen this year, huh? I really don’t watch a lot of movies.)

5/23: Don't Know What You're In Until You're Out (Gladie) - I feel like I don’t like Gladie as much as I should. Their style of noisy indie rock is very much in my wheelhouse, and I do enjoy listening to them, but I dunno. Maybe it’s that the particular style of vocals makes it more monotonous to me. A good album nonetheless, if not 100% my thing. Favorite track: Nothing

5/24: City Slicker (Ginger Root) - Yes I am still making my way through Bandcamp artists I heard on Fortnite don’t @ me. Any excuse to get me to listen to some cool city pop-inspired funk like this is a good excuse. Favorite track: Loretta

5/24: Rikki (Ginger Root) - Favorite track: Why Try

5/25: Spotlight People (Ginger Root) - Favorite track: The Classic

5/29: Succession - A good dramedy series that increasingly focuses more on the drama than the comedy as it progresses, but it’s hard to complain about that since the drama is so compellingly produced. I enjoyed it. That being said, I kind of rankle at the claims that it’s The Greatest TV Show Of All Time. It’s great, don’t get me wrong. Amazing performances all around. But the show LOVES to spin its wheels, to repeat itself, and to let most of its interesting dramatic developments fizzle out before anything really comes of them, almost as if the show is constantly getting bored with its own ideas. To some extent this is intentional - Logan Roy is the untouchable billionaire, his kids fail at everything (but will nonetheless remain billionaires), and in the long run none of them really give a shit about anything other than their own status. But it’s not like things tend to visibly impact anyone else, either, be they supporting characters or the world at large. Even the Big Scary Election, where the Roy siblings are directly responsible for plunging the nation into chaos, ultimately has zero impact on the finale a mere two episodes later. Certain Other Things do have an impact in the last season, though, allowing things to meaningfully change for the cast and for the show to sit with the ensuing drama, which has stopped me from souring on Succession more. There was finally a payoff for something. But it does still kind of feel like a show that goes in circles until it’s ready to call it quits, even if those circles did contain a lot of great acting and music along the way.

5/29: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts - I’d watched the first 12 episodes when they originally released, but I guess the Netflix binge release and the fact that all three “seasons” came out in one year led to me waiting until it finished… and then I just never got around to finishing it. Glad I fixed that! Really fun and stylish cartoon with an art style reminiscent of Teen Titans, a hip hop-filled soundtrack, dynamic fight scenes, and a colorful post-apocalyptic world filled with mutant (mostly anthropomorphic) animals. I’ll admit that at times I do kinda roll my eyes at Kipo’s unshakeable belief that everyone can be friends in a way that I don’t necessarily with similar shows like Steven Universe, and not every joke lands, but I dunno. It’s a kids’ show. That’s to be expected. It doesn’t detract from the overall package for me.

June

6/1: Craig of the Creek (Season 4) - It’s been years and I’m still processing the fact that kids can turn on Cartoon Network and hear Jeff Rosenstock. Anyway! Craig continues to be one of the best cartoons on TV, consistently funny and creative and way more engaging than a show about a bunch of kids LARPing in the woods has any right to be. This season turned into One Piece with the gang effectively hunting down the Poneglyphs in search of a legendary treasure. The kids think it’ll be magic. It isn't. An increasing number of cartoon logic gags aside, this show is firmly set in the real world. Does that make it any less interesting? Hell no. Season 3 turned a game of capture the flag into an all-out five episode war between the heroes and villains, filled with dramatic turnabouts and a climactic guest appearance from Del the Funky Homosapien. I’m sure however they wrap things up in the (sadly shortened) final season, it’ll be great. (Also? I would watch a whole show based on that “what if” episode that jumped forward to everyone’s 20s.)

6/6: Barry - Holy shit, what a show. I ended up binging it in less than a week in a cycle of “okay, just one more episode.” The way this show is able to swing between tones and genres while still feeling like a cohesive whole is truly masterful. It’s a layered character drama, a tragic crime thriller, a farcical comedy, an understated action series, a surrealist morality play, and a scathing satire of Hollywood, all in one. Even within the criminal underworld subplots the show ranges in tone from Breaking Bad to Paddington 2. And it works! While the show naturally gets bleaker over time as it confronts the repercussions of Barry’s murders, it never completely loses sight of its comedic roots. My favorite episode was easily season 2’s “ronny/lily,” a mostly self-contained episode that somehow manages to keep throwing the perfect curveballs to escalate its dark comedy.

6/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (Extended Edition) - Y’all heard of this movie? Pretty good, it turns out. (I’d seen the theatrical cut before, but this was my first time watching the extended edition. I’ve also only seen parts of the other two movies, so it’s time I finally watch all the extended cuts. The Gollum game pushed me to this.)

6/13: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Extended Edition) - give it to us RAW and WRIGGLING

6/17: The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Extended Edition) - I’m not crying YOU’RE crying

6/22: Clone High (Season 2) - While the first episode being about “cancel culture” (or, more accurately, a teenager from 2003 being transported to 2023 and putting his foot in his mouth a lot) put a lot of people off, I ended up enjoying the new season of Clone High. The new clones grew on me as the season went on and their roles in the web of teen romance melodrama crystalized, and it made me laugh a lot, and Cleo/Frida is galaxy brained. Also they played one of my favorite Antarctigo Vespucci songs like a minute into the first episode. I don’t think I could really ask for much more.

6/28: The Mandalorian (Season 3) - I'd been watching this weekly but put off the last episode for no real reason. Responses to this season have been all over the place, but my blistering hot take is… it was fine. Is it as good as the first season? Probably not. But Mando no longer needs to carry the whole franchise on its shoulders and set the bar for how good the live action Disney Star Wars shows can be, because Andor exists, and it’s never gonna top Andor. The Mandalorian is free to just be a pulpy space adventure show where Giancarlo Esposito plays a scenery-chewing cartoon villain and a little puppet does wire stunts. These are things Andor cannot and should not do, but that’s Star Wars, baby. It’s delightful. I could watch Grogu get underhand tossed like a sack of flour all day.

July

7/2: Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (Season 2) - LOVE WINS. (More nuanced take from way later: It definitely feels like a lot of the more messy political conflicts in this show got swept aside by the big final battle where some more easily resolved family conflicts take center stage. I’m not sure the ending is the most satisfying. But also this show only got half the episode count that damn near every other Gundam show ever made got, so that might be a factor here. Idk. Still one of my favorite Gundams.)

7/4: Final Fantasy XVI (watched Anthony play) - I had to write my longest Medium article ever about this one because I was so frustrated

7/10: Home Movies - “Things I like that I’ve never seen in full” has certainly been a recurring theme this year. Home Movies remains an all-time classic of animated comedy that went out on a high note before things got stale or the characters became parodies of themselves. While it’s mostly known for its funny improvised banter, throughout the last season you can really see the arc where Brendon no longer enjoys making movies, yet he feels obligated to keep using them to escape from the real world. In that light, the ending where the nature of their dysfunctional makeshift family is cemented, Brendon’s camera suddenly breaks, and life moves on really does feel like the perfect note to end on. Truly one of the best to ever do it.

7/15: The Legend of Zelda - Tears of the Kingdom - Wow. Just… wow. I had serious doubts about TotK in the months leading up to release due to how close Nintendo was playing their cards to their chest. I didn’t want this to be a Saints Row IV, where the game is fun enough but the recycled map makes it feel like a rehash. Instead, I found a game that made me look at BotW’s map in a whole new light, brimming with so many more things to do and people to meet. Add on a better, more versatile set of tools, more varied dungeons and bosses, and a story that I felt was told somewhat better and we’ve got a real contender for my new favorite Zelda game. It was hard to tear myself away, but as this list shows, it’s been basically the only game I’ve played since it came out.

7/16: Sonic Prime (Season 2) - I liked the parts with Shadow and Chaos Sonic, but I’ve come to the sad conclusion that most of this show is just mediocre. More thoughts here.

7/18: We ♥ Katamari Reroll + Royal Reverie - “I’m a dog, but I love Katamari Damacy.” Truer words have never been spoken.

7/19: Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - Pretty good! It didn’t blow me away, but after how bad the Bay movies got I’m just thankful to have a decently cohesive Transformers movie where the human story is okay and I like the bots (although half of them needed more screen time), even if it is just another Hollywood blockbuster about two sides fighting over a macguffin that devolves into a big CGI battle against an army of nameless monsters in the third act. This is basically a mid-tier MCU movie but with Transformers, which won’t do much for most people, but again: the bar was underground.

7/22: The Venture Bros.: Radiant is the Blood of the Baboon Heart - God DAMN. A phenomenal ending for the series. While I would have loved to see a full final season to get some more one-off episodes in there, this doesn’t feel creatively compromised in any way–either due to the time constraints, or due to a desire to make it more marketable as a movie. It really does feel like they just took their outlines for the canceled final season and gently massaged them into the shape of an 84-minute movie, and I mean that in the best possible way. It’s completely on par with the previous seasons. A hilarious and fitting sendoff for one of the greats of adult animation.

7/23: Beautiful Katamari - This was one of my first Xbox 360 games, but a frustrating temperature-based level made me put it down for 16 years. “Maybe it won’t be as bad now that I’ve beaten the first two games and am better at Katamari,” I thought. Nope! Still an absolutely dogshit level. But also, turns out the whole game is only like two hours long lmao. It’s still Katamari, so it’s still fun - the final level in particular, which seamlessly takes you from ground level all the way to space, feels like a logical endpoint for the series - but beyond that it just doesn't have the same soul without Keita Takahashi's input.

August

8/4: Doom Singer (Chris Farren) - I’ve been waiting so long for Chris and Jeff to do another Antarctigo Vespucci album, but god damn. This is the best of Chris’s solo work, and a contender for his best record, period. Every track’s a banger, with more energy than some of his previous solo work but also a good deal of variety. Favorite tracks: First Place, Cosmic Leash

8/4: Transformers Earthspark (Season 1) - This show had a bit of an uneven start, unsure if it wanted to have the emotional maturity of a more serious action cartoon or a preschool cartoon where the characters have little kid mood swings and outbursts and learn basic lessons. It also felt like it was speedrunning its Wholesome Found Family Dynamic with characters who just met, which didn’t feel earned. While these problems never completely go away (see: the cheap and corny way the otherwise very dark season finale suddenly resolves), the show improves quickly, and the positives outweigh the negatives. It’s so great to have a Transformers cartoon that feels fresh, giving us a post-war setting with a bunch of new characters and new dynamics between the Cybertronians and the humans. The returning characters are also uniformly great as the old veterans overseeing the new generation. (Reformed Megatron! Danny Pudi as Bumblebee! Steve Blum returning as Starscream! Keith David as Grimlock!!!) And those super dynamic action scenes! I can nitpick, but Earthspark’s a ton of fun, and easily the best new Transformers cartoon since Prime and Animated.

8/5: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective (remaster) - Everyone who told me this game was a masterpiece was right. I had played the first chapter when it dropped as the demo for the iOS version years ago, but never went further than that until now. What a game. Absolutely incredible through and through. Great story, great twists, great characters, great puzzles, great art direction. Everything comes together so perfectly to form a totally unique, unforgettable package, a top tier video game murder mystery. Everyone should play this, preferably going in as blind as possible.

8/15: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Season 16) - Wow! Recent seasons of Sunny have been kind of up and down, with some interesting experiments (Mac Finds His Pride, the Ireland arc, etc.) paired with some comedic duds. Most of this latest season is standard fare for the series with fewer big creative swings, but it’s just hit after hit in terms of comedy. Not a single dud, whether we’re seeing Mac and Dennis try to start a rental business for inflatable furniture or watching the gang meet Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul, believing the entire time that the latter is Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle. Even the attempts at topical comedy landed better. Easily the funniest season in years.

8/16: One Piece Film Gold - It’s easy to see why this one has kind of been forgotten in the wake of Stampede and Film Red, which revolve around established fan favorite characters, but this was still pretty fun. Perhaps a little too long, but it’s fun to see the Straw Hats fool around in a giant casino and do a heist. They definitely cranked the fanservice up even more than usual in this one, though, as I probably should have expected for a movie made alongside the anime’s adaptation of Dressrosa.

8/17: One Piece: Stampede - This one goes for a different kind of fanservice. While most One Piece movies are isolated from the ongoing plot and its expanded cast of characters, Stampede instead asks “What if we just put damn near every active character on the same island and had them fight?” The answer: a fun time! It would get old if all of the movies were like this, but after a bunch of movies that are just like “the Straw Hats are gonna land on another new island and fight some more weird guys” it’s fun to see characters like Law and Buggy and Smoker get in on the fun. It’s also nice to get a movie with the Wano era art style, and Usopp surprisingly gets some really good character moments in here.

8/18: One Piece Film Red - This really is the best of the One Piece movies, huh? (Baron Omatsuri is a close second.) It really feels like a change of pace after the last four with the most interesting and emotionally engaging story out of any of them. And even if the events of these movies are never canon, it still feels significant in my understanding of Shanks as a character as we move into the final phase of the manga.

8/21: Pikmin 4 - The opening hour of the game made me really question if they’d changed too much, with all the focus on your new dog unit over your Pikmin and the extremely dull, drawn out dialogue scenes with your new companions back at the base. But once I got into the swing of things I had a blast. This is probably my new favorite Pikmin game. There’s a great mix of activities here to keep things fresh. I also really ended up liking Oatchi’s role as basically your second captain who can also serve as your tank or a rideable mount. The Dandori stuff and nighttime missions in particular show off how useful Oatchi is for your multitasking without necessarily overshadowing the Pikmin.

8/22: Never Get Tired: The Bomb the Music Industry! Story - I literally backed this on Kickstarter eight years ago (my name is in the credits!) and then never got around to watching it for no reason. It’s on YouTube now, and Jeff’s got a new album out next week, so now feels like the perfect time to watch it. And man… what a great documentary. Obviously I’m just a fan of the band, but this also really spoke to me as an artist. Jeff wanting to stick to his principles and give out his music for free and play cheap all ages shows, his discomfort over the idea of selling merch, and the struggles that come with not playing the game like that… It's hard. They readily admit that Jeff is an idealist, that people fight him on this stuff, that he’s missed out on some big opportunities because of these stances, and that he’s had to compromise a bit on some of these things over time. But that incredible climax with their final show, including a full opening performance of the slowly building “Campaign for a Better Next Weekend” and the closing performance of “Future 86” where the whole audience is singing along as the members of the band are hugging and crying… it’s beautiful. This may have been a band where the members had to go back to their shitty day jobs after every tour because they weren’t selling out arenas, but their art meant something to people, and that makes it all worth it.

8/25: Nimona - I haven’t read the original comic (yet), so I can’t compare them too much, but it’s nonetheless pretty apparent that some things were softened and easy kids’ movie jokes were added by the studio to squeeze this graphic novel for teens into a PG animated movie. Regardless, the emotional throughline hits REALLY hard, particularly the very blatant trans allegory and the climax. (It’s no wonder Disney was afraid of this movie seeing the light of day lmao.) The animation is also very squishy and fun to watch throughout. Great movie.

8/26: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish - Spider-Verse really has done so much for animation, huh? This one was as good as everyone said. Beautiful use of stylized color and lighting throughout, and every time this movie very conspicuously shifted to different framerates for a flashy fight scene it owned. Very cute and heartwarming story, too, which thankfully gave its second act plenty of time to explore the cast and let them go on their journey, unlike a certain plumber movie that came out a few months later. Also I would let Death [redacted]

8/28: Holocure: Save the Fans! - This isn't really something I can beat, but I've been addicted to Holocure lately. I don't even watch VTubers aside from maybe seeing a funny Korone animation every now and then, this is just a really, really good freeware Vampire Survivors clone with a huge roster of varied characters to pick from.

8/31: HELLMODE (Jeff Rosenstock) - A new album from Jeff is always a major event for me. If there were any worries that he was starting to go soft at 40 (because one of the three singles off this album was a gentle acoustic piece), the frantic opening of this album put those worries to rest. The first two tracks are Jeff screaming out for help as he’s pulled in a million directions by the chaotic state of the world, a theme that becomes the thesis of the album. I’d say it lags slightly in the middle, but overall this is another extremely well-rounded record full of bangers that’s unapologetically Jeff, with possibly my favorite closing track he’s ever done. Favorite tracks: I WANNA BE WRONG, 3 SUMMERS

September

9/3: One Piece (live action, Season 1) - They did it. I can’t believe it, but they did it. While I have my nitpicks (Usopp and Sanji don’t get enough big moments to shine), this is an extremely solid and faithful adaptation of the first few arcs of One Piece with a great cast. For the most part the changes feel smart and logical, and the big emotional beats of the story are all there and executed very well. I doubted it a little in episodes 2-4, where the Orange Town and Syrup Village arcs saw some major changes to shift the action indoors, and the increased focus on the drama in favor of repeating every gag and battle from the manga 1:1 took a bit of getting used to, but by the end I was having a blast. It’s a different take on One Piece, but it still feels like One Piece. Genuinely very excited for season 2.

9/4: Pseudoregalia - A great little N64-style 3D Metroidvania focused on platforming and very satisfying movement. I always love entries in the genre that are less prescriptive in what order you have to tackle areas in, a la Symphony of the Night or Hollow Knight, and this one’s great in that regard. While there are a number of new moves to find, most of the map is open to you very early in the game, and smart use of your moveset can allow you to “sequence break” without even realizing it. (You would not believe how long I went without getting the wall run.) I do wish it had a map, but that’s already being patched in.

9/6: Bomb Rush Cyberfunk * - Not a bad game at all, but I quickly remembered how bad I am at skating games, so like… eh? Not sure I have much desire to play past chapter 2. Also the soundtrack is sadly kinda hit or miss for me outside of the obvious Naganuma tunes.

9/9: The History of the Minnesota Vikings (Dorktown) - Jon Bois never misses. Even as someone who doesn’t actively follow sports, Jon Bois is a master storyteller, using graphs and statistics and funny anecdotes to explore these deeply human stories. He can convey why people care so much about these teams, these people, and sports in general, and how our popular sports reflect on American culture. He could tell the story of just about any team or player in any sport and I just know I’ll come out the other side a misty-eyed fan. And what a fascinating cast of characters we have this time, with origin stories for everything from the Hail Mary pass to a Minnesota state supreme court judge to the Griddy. Nine hours well spent.

9/10: Timespinner - A fun and highly polished Metroidvania that maybe doesn’t quite have enough of its own identity in its quest to replicate Symphony of the Night…but also, like, this was pitched as a Symphony throwback on KickStarter in a pre-Bloodstained, pre-Hollow Knight world, so I can’t really blame ‘em! Stopping time to avoid boss attacks is fun, the pixel art is gorgeous, and I liked the dark science fantasy story about warring empires and meddling with time a lot more than I thought I would - lore journal text dumps and all.

9/14: The Decay of Sam & Cat (Quinton Reviews) - All the stuff at the end with Matt Bennett (the actor who played Robbie on Victorious and Sam & Cat) in this was really good and sweet. It’s that kind of thing that makes these videos feel like they’re still worthwhile on some level. But the padding and the things Quinton chooses to spend the colossal runtime on does drive me more and more insane with each passing Nick sitcom video. I don’t know how much longer he can keep this schtick up. I hope he’s able to move on to other things before too terribly long instead of continuing to extend this “miniseries.”

9/19: Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales - AKA Insomniac’s Marvel’s Spider-Man 1.5. It’s fun for the same reasons Peter’s first game was fun. I had a good time swinging around New York again in preparation for the sequel, and there’s a lot of cute stuff with Miles becoming Harlem’s neighborhood hero, but WOW did the Underground v. Roxxon conflict fall flat for me.

9/20: I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson - I understand so many posts now.

9/25: Spider-Man (2002) (rewatch) - It’s you who’s out, Gobby! OUT OF YOUR MIND!

9/25: Futurama (Season 8) - I was ready to be a hater, recalling the fact that Futurama has already had three “perfect endings” with the show getting a little weaker with every revival. Then I watched the first new episode on a whim and thought it wasn’t bad, so I was like, eh, sure, I’ll watch the rest. Overall Hulurama is hit or miss. There are chuckles to be had, and it sure as hell beats modern Simpsons, but almost every episode is either a belated take on an overplayed Topical Issue (the pandemic, Amazon, cancel culture, etc.) or a direct sequel to an old episode people liked. Or both! It’s also really noticeable that certain voice actors sound way older - Billy West is struggling with the Fry voice in particular, and it hurts his comedic timing. But just when all hope seemed lost after the nigh-incomprehensible toy-themed anthology episode, possibly the worst episode of the entire series… the last episode, where the Planet Express crew explores whether or not the universe could be a simulation, was really, really solid. Great note to end on to make me not regret my time with this season as a whole.

9/26: Spider-Man 2 (2004) (rewatch) - Once the GOAT, always the GOAT.

9/27: Spider-Man 3 (rewatch) - Revisiting this movie for the first time since I saw it in theaters… it’s not bad. It’s fine! It continues to have the heart and sincerity that make the first two movies work. It’s just not as concise with three villains vying for the spotlight, but I also wouldn’t cut any of them, necessarily. I guess Eddie/Venom would be the easiest, but Peter getting the black suit and giving in to his resentment feels too central to cut. (Yes, even with Emo Peter becoming a meme.)

9/28: Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake - I wasn’t really sure what to expect with this one, especially since I was never really a fan of the genderbend episodes in the original show. (At the time they mostly just felt like an excuse to crank up the teen romance stuff to 11.) But MAN. This was a fantastic coda to the original series. It made me care about Fionna and Cake and their friends as their own characters separate from their original counterparts, it gave the Simon/Betty arc a much more satisfying (if no less bittersweet) resolution than the original finale had time to do, and it even managed to be a multiverse story that didn’t make me roll my eyes in 2023. A+ all around. Makes me wanna rewatch the original show again. [spoiler: I did]

9/29: Meanwhile (aivi & surasshu) - It’s been a whole decade–they were busy with, you know, all the music in Steven Universe, among other things–but we finally have a new aivi & surasshu album! Their chiptune/piano fusion style is familiar, but they’ve definitely grown as composers in subtle ways. Favorite track: Time Travel

October

10/1: This is Financial Advice (Folding Ideas) - A lot of the nitty gritty finance law stuff turned into white noise for me, but still, great video. I had no idea that the GameStop stock craze devolved into this bizarre cult that thinks they’re going to crash the global economy and rise from the ashes as the new kings with the value of their GME stocks. Glad this video exists to try and balance out the narrative.

10/5: Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon DLC - Good ideas, absurdly frustrating and tedious execution. Full thoughts here.

10/10: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (rewatch) - I didn’t plan this, but very fitting that I would end up rewatching this on 10/10.

10/12: Half-Life Alyx but the Gnome is Self-Aware (wayneradiotv) - ha he! (Seriously though, that finale was a fucking masterpiece. The RTVS crew has an incredible knack for using the framing device of video game livestreams to blur the lines between comedy and horror, or ironic anti-humor and complete sincerity. I’ve never seen anything else like this.)

10/15: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse - Not sure how much I can say that hasn’t already been said. The most visually creative movie I’ve ever seen, grounded by some really excellent storytelling about Miles (and now Gwen) that’s probably better than his actual comics. But it also does feel like it’s about to end and then the movie just keeps going like ten times over lmao. Can’t wait to watch this a second time on a better TV.

10/20: Sonic Superstars - A mostly really solid and fun 2D Sonic game that’s unfortunately dragged down by an extremely hodgepodge soundtrack and some overly drawn out boss fights. I spent HOURS trying to beat the final boss of the bonus scenario (which is required for the true ending in this one) before giving up. Really a shame that that’s the note I’m leaving the game on, because I otherwise enjoyed it, but ah well. More thoughts here.

10/27: Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 - Another good Spider-Man game from Insomniac. Liked the story more than the one in Miles Morales, but maybe not as much as the first game. Extensive thoughts here.

10/28: Venom - Was in the mood for more Venom after the game. As expected this was not a very good movie, but the dynamic between Eddie and Venom made it a fun watch. Tom Hardy is constantly about to shit his pants in this movie. It’s great.

10/28: Venom: Let There Be Carnage - I had a way better time with this one. Is this a good movie? No. But it cranks the insanity of the first movie up to 11. Goofy as fuck in an extremely watchable way.

November

11/5: Pluto - An absolutely masterful series that anyone interested in sci-fi needs to watch. The anime adaptation was great, and I immediately understand why people who’ve read the manga speak so highly of it. Really makes me want to get into Astro Boy more, and also read some of Urasawa’s other works.

11/18: Scott Pilgrim Takes Off - Wow, just wow. When news of a Scott Pilgrim anime broke I was cautiously curious to see if we’d get a more direct adaptation of the comics, and instead it veered off in the exact opposite direction in the best way possible. This is almost entirely a different story, one that’s in conversation with the previous versions (sometimes in very meta ways), and I think it’s really valuable to see O’Malley revisiting these characters with new things to say about them. The major story divergence gives us a chance to examine the characters from a new angle - particularly Ramona, who’s the real protagonist of this version, and the evil exes, who completely steal the show. This was a great reminder of why I fell in love with this series as a teenager. I now genuinely hope we get more Scott Pilgrim.

11/22: Void Rivals (Issues #1 - #6) - The first arc of the new Robert Kirkman series that kicked off Skybound’s new “Energon Universe” is now complete, and I’m left thinking Void Rivals is… okay? I thought the first issue was a decent (if not particularly original) sci-fi comic with an appealing art style, which just so happens to also briefly have a Transformer in it so there can be a Big Surprise. And the series still hasn’t quite shaken that feeling to me. It’s an okay sci-fi series that arbitrarily dedicates a couple of pages of every issue to something from Transformers, but I’m not really sure what the shared universe stuff adds to Void Rivals, or what Void Rivals adds to Transformers and GI Joe. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

11/22: Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History (Defunctland) - Yeah, gotta be honest, I only got halfway through this one. It seems like Kevin just 1) really wanted to push himself creatively and 2) make a love letter to Epcot, and while I respect that, I think it suffers as a historical documentary. It’s Fantasia but for the creation of Epcot. That might be very impressive on a technical level, but it feels more like a piece of Disney propaganda than prior Defunctland videos due to a lack of context and nuance. 

11/24: Aperture Desk Job - A short, sweet, and funny little tech demo for my new Steam Deck set in the Portal universe. More effort was definitely put into this than was strictly necessary.

11/26: ESCHATOS - I am not good at bullet hell games, but I enjoy them from time to time and I really love this one’s FM synth soundtrack, so I picked it up on a whim in the Steam sale. I only beat it on Easy, but still, I had a lot of fun with it! It’s straightforward but very flashy, with the camera dynamically zooming around from set piece to set piece at ridiculous speeds and each level segueing directly into the next. The lack of a powerup system on the main mode in favor of just needing to know when to use your different shot types makes it feel very approachable.

11/27: Lunistice - A great little 3D platformer with a good soundtrack that I had fun hunting down all the secrets in. This is an easy recommendation for fans of games like Kirby or Klonoa - whimsical games set in colorful dream worlds where the underlying story can get a bit more somber. (Although the story in this one is mostly told through mildly cryptic lore dumps, so your mileage there may vary.)

11/28: Spark the Electric Jester 2 - The leap from 2D to 3D here is impressive, but this is very clearly a rough draft for Spark 3. Very, very fun Sonic-style 3D platforming, but the combat is lacking and the storytelling is just kinda bad. More extensive thoughts on this and the above two games here.

December

12/2: Fortnite (Chapter 4) - This was my first full chapter of Fortnite, after having been roped into the game by the siren songs of Zero Build mode and Goku during Chapter 3. This means it’s harder for me to compare this chapter to previous ones, but still, Fortnite remains a genuinely very well made Battle Royale shooter that’s a blast with friends. If I have any complaint about this Chapter, it’s that they would regularly introduce zany ideas and then slowly reel them back in, whether it was the Augment system or the increasingly mundane movement items. It also felt like it was a little too easy to get the perfect loadout in every match, meaning the final showdown would almost always be against players with Slurp Juice and gold shotguns. And I missed the smaller mid-season map updates of Chapter 3. But overall I still had a really good time, and look forward to playing more for the foreseeable future.

12/4: Plagiarism and You(Tube) (HBomberguy) - This will get written off by many as “YouTuber drama,” but this really is an excellent video essay that feels like the kick in the pants that YouTube needs. If video essayists are gonna be a major source of information for so many, then they gotta have standards. I also think it does a good job of highlighting the people that have been plagiarized and trying to drive more attention their way in an attempt to right those wrongs.

12/6: Transformers (Skybound comic) - We only got the first three issues of this in 2023, but I just HAVE to say something about how incredible this series is here. Daniel Warren Johnson is knocking it out of the park. This is the new bar for Transformers. The hand-inked art is extremely dynamic and full of character, and the story is using the familiar beats of G1 Transformers but doing very new things with them. You can tell this from the very first page, but the emotional scene of Optimus accidentally crushing a deer in the forest and realizing how fragile life is on Earth sealed the deal for me. And yet in the very same comics Optimus can do suplexes and clotheslines and lord knows how many other wrestling moves on Decepticons, and it doesn’t feel like tonal whiplash? These comics just fucking rule, and anyone with even the slightest interest in Transformers should be reading them.

12/8: What We Do in the Shadows (Season 5) - [spoilers] WWDITS has very much settled into being a status quo show. Every season has its own little arc where one or two things change to keep things interesting, but then everything returns to normal by the end. Guillermo finally becoming a vampire, only to become a human again in the end, might just be the most egregious example of this yet. But also… the show’s still really funny? And I continue to be happy that Kristen Schaal has stuck around as a series regular as the Guide. So it’s hard to complain. I could see the show running out of steam over the next few seasons, but it’s still hitting for me right now.

12/12: Pony Island - Finally got around to this since the trailer for the sequel dropped. I feel like playing this years later in a post-Inscryption world where Pony Island is a known quantity kind of lessens its impact, but still, it’s a fun and funny puzzle game where you try to hack your way out of a possessed arcade machine. I’m not sure I found it particularly scary, but I’m not sure it’s supposed to be? The way the game messes with you during the Asmodeus “boss fight” was probably the highlight for me. I also like being able to say things like “The part where you have to not kill Jesus was so hard. I kept getting terrible butterfly patterns.”

12/16: Breaking Bad VR but the AI is Self-Aware (wayneradiotv) - As always, Wayne and co.’s commitment to the bit is unrivaled. This kind of got interpreted as just a way to troll HLVRAI fans, but so many moments in this genuinely made me laugh out loud.

12/18: Soul of Sovereignty Prelude - As someone who would list Cucumber Quest as a big creative influence, I was naturally very excited for this first chapter of GGDG’s new visual novel. Their mentality of both scaling things back in terms of labor while also going more shamelessly self-indulgent in terms of storytelling after burning out on making webcomics has really spoken to me, and WOW, the end result of that new process of theirs is shaping up to be something really special. The art and music are sparse but extremely evocative, giving you the rough sketch of the world and letting your mind fill in the rest. The story blends literary high fantasy vibes with the style of fantasy seen in ‘90s JRPGs (you can definitely tell this came from an idea for an RPG), but rather than constantly winking at the audience and making self-aware video game references it plays these storytelling ideas extremely sincerely, giving them real dramatic weight while still indulging in fun tropes to their fullest extent. While it’s a far cry from their most famous work with much more mature content, GGDG always excels at creating characters and worlds that immediately grab me. I can’t wait for the rest.

12/18: Barbie - I’m only… what, five months late for the whole Barbenheimer thing? Perfect timing. Anyway! On the one hand, I get the critiques saying that this movie is just a major corporation funding a self-aware feminist critique of their own product as a marketing ploy. And I kinda agree with that. And the movie is a little too long, and I don’t really know what to think of the way the Barbie/Ken conflict plays out. Anthony asked me to summarize what the story ended up being about, and I had no idea what to even say. But also… I did still like the movie? We don’t get a lot of cartoonish, absurdist, fourth wall breaking comedies like this anymore, and this is a good one of those. Also the whole cast is great, the set design is kind of stunning, and the cinematography is consistently appealing. I wouldn’t say it’s a revolutionary work of feminist filmmaking by any stretch, but it’s a good comedy movie.

12/21: Dr. Stone: New World - Man, Dr. Stone is great. I’ve said this many times, but I just love that this series uses all the trappings of shounen that would normally be used to hype up the protagonist learning a new move to instead hype up things like the protagonist building a loom or a hot air balloon. It’s shounen Bill Nye. I didn’t completely love everything about the Treasure Island arc this season, but it all built towards a really fun climax with a lot of satisfying turnabouts where the heroes use their ingenuity to just barely win.

12/23: The History of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out World Records (Summoning Salt) - Truly one of my favorite Summoning Salt videos ever, even with how repetitive Punch-Out can get to watch. It’s just so hard to beat “and that runner… was me.”

12/24: Super Mario Bros. Wonder - What more can be said that hasn’t already been said? It’s the best and most creative 2D Mario game since the ‘90s. The only real flaws are that it’s a little easy, the Search Party stages are annoying in singleplayer, and I wish that every boss prior to the final boss wasn’t just some form of Bowser Jr. fight. But those aren’t nearly enough to drag the whole experience down. It was a blast.

12/24: Do a Powerbomb! - Got this from Anthony as a birthday present. This is the previous series by the creative team currently doing the new Transformers comics I was gushing about a few entries ago. Even with the high bar set by those comics, Do a Powerbomb! exceeded my expectations. Holy shit. An absolutely entrancing fantasy wrestling miniseries full of dynamic, energetic action and tons of heart. These comics where a guy wrestles a giant talking orangutan almost made me cry. Twice. An instant favorite.

12/25: Adventure Time (rewatch) - We ended up finishing our rewatch of Adventure Time (the main series, anyway) on my 30th birthday, which feels appropriate. I already kinda knew this, but this rewatch has truly confirmed that Adventure Time is my favorite TV series of all time. The entire show is even better on a full series rewatch. In hindsight, even parts that annoyed me when they aired end up being important parts of the beautiful tapestry that is this series. The many low points of Finn’s adolescent love life are important stepping stones in his growth as a person, which leaves him in an extremely satisfying place by the end. Jake having kids didn’t get to be a huge status quo change because they grew up instantly, but then they did a bunch of fun episodes about Jake’s relationships with his adult children that deepened him as a character. And most of the big lore questions they kept teasing over the years (“Where’d the humans go?” “Who are Finn’s parents?” “When’s Finn gonna get a robot arm?” etc.) ended up getting satisfying and creative answers, because the show left itself the room to figure those things out later. This is a truly special, one-of-a-kind series, one that lasted nearly 300 episodes and yet still seems like it was over too soon. And yes, I did in fact cry during the final montage, like I knew I would. I will always cherish this show with all of my heart.

12/25: Olive the Other Reindeer (rewatch) - Haven’t seen this one since I was a kid! It was a favorite of mine back then, and while it might not be quite as funny as I remember it’s still very cute, with a 2D/3D hybrid art style that remains very unique and appealing. As an adult I can also appreciate the cast they got for this, with like half the cast of Futurama bolstered by guests like Michael Stipe from REM and The Sopranos’ Joe Pantoliano.

12/26: Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio - Anthony and I capped off our Christmas with the most jolly and festive stop motion movie of all! Jokes aside, man, what a beautiful movie. The animation is immaculate, and we really just don’t get children’s animated films like this anymore. Ones that overtly feature real world politics and religion and so many other dark themes in a way that doesn’t talk down to kids or sugarcoat things. This one hits hard. We need more movies like this.

12/31: Oppenheimer - This was an interesting one. Despite being three hours, the way that first hour jumps around in time makes it feel like Oppenheimer is constantly being propelled forward through life at a breakneck pace, swept up by the rising tide of nationalism in spite of his personal left wing politics, never really reflecting on what he’s doing until it’s too late. Then when he’s no longer useful to the empire, he’s chewed up and spat out, only to eventually be honored as a national hero as a symbolic gesture. It’s a compelling story. However, I’m a little torn on how certain aspects of history were framed. Does the abstraction of the bombings detract from the true weight of those events, in favor of sympathizing with the man who built the bomb? Or is it clever a way to show how the realities of the war were compartmentalized away by people who were complicit in its most heinous acts of violence? One minute a bunch of physicists are talking theory, thousands of miles away from the theaters of war, and the next they’ve killed 200,000 people. So which is it? Eh, probably somewhere in the middle, I guess. But I liked it overall.

12/31: Kirby’s Return to Dream Land Deluxe - I’ve been really surprised by how good this rerelease is. It kind of flew under the radar for me. I liked the original game, but at the time it also almost felt like the New Super Mario Bros. of Kirby. It was a straightforward throwback game where you went through a grass world, then a desert world, then a water world, etc., and also they added four player co-op. But returning to this one after the kinda mid Star Allies has made me appreciate just how solid RtDL is as a Kirby game. I really like the updated graphics, too - yes, even the new cel shaded outlines around the characters - even though I didn’t think it looked that great in screenshots. Also the two new copy abilities (Sand and Mecha) are fun, the minigame collection is shockingly fleshed out to the point that they could’ve sold it as a standalone eShop game, the collectible character masks are fun, and the new epilogue mode where you play as Magolor is one of the coolest bonus modes they’ve ever done. This is a top tier Kirby remake any fan of the series should check out.

Ongoing things I followed in 2023 that don't have a blurb:

Halo Infinite multiplayer

IDW Sonic the Hedgehog (main series + specials)

One Piece

Chainsaw Man

My Hero Academia (not caught up)

The JOJOlands (not caught up)

Things I started in 2023 that I still need to finish:

Freedom Planet 2

Hi-Fi Rush

Live A Live

Super Monkey Ball: Banana Mania

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

Picross 3D Round 2

Rhythm Heaven MegaMix

Mega Man Battle Network 5: Team ProtoMan

Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart

Spark the Electric Jester 3

Sonic Dream Team

One Piece (Wano arc, anime)

Jujutsu Kaisen season 2 (I’ve already read the Shibuya arc already in the manga, though)

Astro Boy (2003 anime)

Futurama (original run rewatch)

One Piece (manga reread)

The Amazing Spider-Man (Lee/Ditko era)

Scott Pilgrim series (reread)

And finally... my favorites of 2023!!!

Overall favorite game: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

Favorite indie game: Pseudoregalia

Games remastered in 2023 that are now among my all-time faves: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective, We Love Katamari

Most pleasant surprise in gaming: The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog

Favorite film: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Favorite live action show: Barry

Favorite anime: Pluto

Favorite anime written by a Canadian guy and an American guy based on the Canadian guy's old graphic novel series: Scott PIlgrim Takes Off

Favorite live action adaptation of an anime that I still can't believe they didn't fuck up: One Piece

Favorite Western cartoon: Adventure Time: Fionna & Cake

Favorite older cartoon I only got around to watching in its entirety this year: The Venture Bros.

Favorite documentary: Double Fine PsychOdyssey

Favorite semi-improvised semi-scripted absurdist comedy/horror/tragedy Twitch livestream performance art thing: Half-Life Alyx but the Gnome is Self-Aware finale (wayneradiotv)

Favorite manga: Chainsaw Man

Favorite older manga that I only read this year: Berserk

Favorite Western comic book: Daniel Warren Johnson's Transformers

Favorite album: HELLMODE (Jeff Rosenstock)

And that's a wrap!!!!! Happy new year, everyone! Here's to me maybe actually reading a goddamn book this year

[linghxr]

My 2023 in Mandopop/Chinese music (update & recs)

It’s been too long since I last shared some music recommendations/updates on what I’m listening to! Admittedly, I haven’t been discovering as many new artists because I’m busy listening to 薛之谦 on repeat. But we'll focus on the new.

You can check out my Spotify playlist featuring these songs (plus bonus ones). In addition, I’ve included YouTube links below.

五月天 / Mayday 五月天 is a legendary band, so of course I knew of them and had heard a few of their songs over the years. But I never proactively sought out their music until recently. I still haven’t had time to dive into their back catalog, but I’ve already found some songs I really love.

《我又初恋了》 I actually really didn’t like this song the first time I heard it, but it wormed its way into my brain. It’s just a lot of fun! Non-serious songs can be good too.

《转眼》 My favorite 五月天 song <3. I’m probably too young to fully appreciate the lyrics, but they make me feel so nostalgic and bittersweet, like transitioning to a new chapter of life and leaving the old behind.

《因为你 所以我》 This song didn’t stand out to me at first, but it grew on me! I caught myself humming it a lot. It‘s kind of corny, but it sounds so full of hope.

陈奕迅 / Eason Chan I first started listening to 陈奕迅 a couple years ago after my Album a Day August challenge, but I’ve found that his music has grown on me over time. I believe I’ve only mentioned him once before, so I thought now was a good time to highlight my favorite of his songs.

《之外》 This is probably my favorite 陈奕迅 song. The lyrics convey a sense of hopelessness, but the overall song has a smooth, light sound.

《娱乐天空》 You know a song is good when it’s over 6 minutes long but feels like it flies by! It makes me want to get up, get moving, and be productive.

《烟味》 This song is dramatic, and I love it for that. Also has a hint of orchestral flavor.

《淘汰》 One of 陈奕迅’s most well-known songs—for a good reason. It has big Cpop ballad vibes but is definitely livelier.

白举纲 / Bai Jugang You’re going to notice several mentions of 披荆斩棘 in this post. That’s where I “met” 白举纲. I instantly liked his voice and loved seeing him with his “brother” 高瀚宇 and “dad” 张晋! You may also see his music under his English name, Pax Congo.

《被动失控》 This is the only song on the list you could headbang to.

《Shy Boy》 I love this song because it’s cute and includes a children’s rhyme that I learned as a kid: 找啊找啊找朋友 找到一个好朋友.

苏诗丁 / Su Shiding At some point last year I did a one-month free trial of Apple Music. It was an interesting experience because the recommendations were very different from what Spotify tends to show me. I’m glad Apple Music led me to 苏诗丁!

《LUCIFER（傲慢宗罪）》 All I can say is that this song exudes coolness and confidence. It also has a fair bit of English, but honestly I had to look up the lyrics to tell what some of it was.

《梦幻病》 This song is from the same album. It’s dreamlike but gets more frantic as it builds. Overall, it’s just a bit…unsettling.

队长 / Young Captain I learned about 队长 from a random post on Instagram about his concert in Malaysia. I think these songs might have gone viral on 抖音 or something. I was surprised I liked them so much because they both have some rap (I’m not a rap fan), but it was love at first listen.

《11》 I love how this song builds towards the end. I spend the whole song waiting for the crescendo, and it’s great payoff.

《楼顶上的小斑鸠》 This song is like the slightly mellower sibling of the one above. But I ended up liking this one even more.

金志文 / Jin Zhiwen 金志文 was another artist who Apple Music recommended to me. I definitely need to explore his discography more but haven’t had the chance to do so yet. But he has some good stuff so far!

《自娱自乐》 Smooth and relaxing but in a fun way. Simple and no-frills but will put a smile on your face!

《远走高飞》 This one feels like enjoying the breeze on a beautiful sunny day. I also enjoy the duet with 徐佳莹 version.

163braces 163braces started out as a YouTuber posting song covers. I have watched a couple of her covers, but they didn’t leave much of an impression on me. I was pleasantly surprised by her foray into original music. I look forward to hearing what she does next!

《控制》 The song I would want as my “soundtrack” if I were a video game character. It’s energetic and loud.

《murmur》 Honestly this song is pretty similar to the first one. Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing them. But hey, if ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

小鬼 / Lil Ghost 小鬼 did what I can best describe as “pulling an MGK” by going from more rap to kinda pop-punk? That MGK album was my guilty pleasure when in came out, so I’m all for 小鬼’s new direction.

《Last Day》 This song really gave me MGK vibes. It’s about half in English, but I often don't even notice when he switches between languages.

《不良少年》 I just know I would have loved this song so much in high school. It’s an angsty teen anthem. 

《为明天写封信》 I can totally imagine this song playing at the end of a 2000s teen movie! Maybe while showing a montage of the main characters graduating.

《无所求必满载而归》 by 陈粒 / Chen Li This is technically cheating because I have recommended 陈粒 songs before, but it was at least a couple years ago. I heard this song covered on 披荆斩棘的哥哥 and immediately looked up the original. Honestly I should have known it was a 陈粒 song because you can totally tell it’s her style.

《轻红》 by 曹杨 / Young I keep coming back to this song! It’s from a drama soundtrack. I was super surprised the first time I listened to it because I thought it was going to be a typical ballad based on the first ~45 seconds or so—it wasn’t. There is also another version by 陈雪燃 (the king of cdrama OSTs). But I actually prefer the 曹杨 version.

《时光机》 by 吴克群 / Kenji Wu I was introduced to 吴克群 via 披荆斩棘2. He was instantly one of my favorite contestants after his team’s amazing 《新地球》 performance (check it out). This song is bouncy and a little dreamy. I kinda want to hear a remix with Harry Styles’ As It Was. I just wish it were longer than 3 minutes!

My Spotify Wrapped

I have a tradition of sharing my Spotify Wrapped, and I wanted to continue the streak in some form. So here's a quick rundown.

Top genre: 华语流行音乐 Representative city: Taipei Minutes: 21,750

Top artists

薛之谦 / Xue Zhiqian

林宥嘉 / Yoga Lin

五月天 / Mayday

李荣浩 / Li Ronghao

陈奕迅 / Eason Chan 

Top songs

《木偶人》 - 薛之谦

《狐狸》 - 薛之谦

《骆驼》 - 薛之谦

《转眼》 - 五月天

《后来的我们》 - 五月天

Also, fellow Mandopop fans should check out the Mando Gap newsletter. I stumbled upon it this year, and I know it’s going to be a great resource for discovering new artists in 2024!

[ladyluscinia]

"What if it weren't like that?"

...or I'd like to propose a different theory of what's going on in Edward's head.

Going into the S2 finale, I feel like there's once again a huge consensus that Edward and piracy are an unsustainable mix, and he has to quit. Specifically after 2x07 he knows for sure, 100% that he wants to quit, and he's pulling away from Stede because he doesn't know how to communicate that certainty to him.

There's a very established meta framework backing up this belief. It's not new, just everyone pointing and saying "look! - the show is affirming us" at the same time. And it does make a lot of points about foundational trauma, the violence of the lifestyle, etc. I don't need to break it down for you. If you're seeing this post then you've seen the arguments before.

The thing is... I'm not actually sold on this read.

Edward is a complicated guy and I love to try and peel back his layers, and I'm not sure that retirement is truly his endgame. And maybe more importantly... I'm not sure retirement endgame is quite the thematic crescendo it's being presented as.

So let's talk a bit about Edward, particularly in 2x06 and 2x07.

---

Edward's Ongoing Depression Spiral

The thing about backsliding - and the Kraken was a pretty monumental backslide - is that even if you gain a lot of ground afterward, you still might not be much further than where you started.

Edward believing change is possible with Button's 2x04 guidance + his & Stede's conversation about taking it slow at the end of 2x05 are both huge steps for a guy that was openly suicidal at the beginning of the season. However, in the grand scheme of things, he's pretty much cycled back to the dilemma he was facing in S1 - continuing life as it was is intolerable, but he doesn't actually have a solid idea of what he wants. "Stede" is not a real, actionable answer.

In S1, this caused him to run recklessly into extremes of vulnerability with Stede because Stede was doing something different. He tried to metaphorically cut loose his entire history - as a pirate, as Blackbeard, as Edward Teach - and become a new "Ed" with no baggage, who was free to live an endless vacation honeymoon with his new boyfriend. And when the consequences of their own actions came crashing back in - an abandoned Izzy, Spanish Jackie, and Chauncey Badminton - Edward's desperate actions to save Stede turned into over-commitment to a guy he barely knows, a reckless plan to run halfway around the world to escape himself, and then a truly disastrous downturn when that blew up in his face.

Wherever you go, there you are - except Edward hates that guy. Edward's only concrete want so far for the new direction of his life is the one thing that's impossible - to not be Edward Teach.

So now, back to contemplating the same unknown future he was trying to chase in S1, the Kraken Era has given Edward new perspective, for better and worse. (I'm gonna link my rambling BlackHands / Kraken Era thoughts from 2x01 - 2x03 just because.) He's learned caution and is dipping his toes in self-reflection - Stede's love alone is not enough to save him, and his self-loathing has been acknowledged. Reckless pursuit of change without growth was doomed - an important lesson both Stede and Edward have started to learn.

Unfortunately, growth requires looking backwards, and if Edward was already disinclined to that due to killing his dad, he's struggling so much worse now that he's got months of fresh atrocities that he absolutely did not need to commit.

---

Drowning in Guilt

Edward's core trauma that he flashes to constantly goes back to killing his dad that night - something notably not associated with piracy. That guilt is the root of his self-loathing, but Edward is a rather troubled grown man with guilt aplenty, especially after the first two episodes of S2.

In 2x05 Edward starts with a CEO scripted non-apology firmly recategorizing all of his Kraken actions as "whatever that nasty dark stuff was that brought us here... it's in the past", and then his discussion with Stede does not involve too much reflection on why this probation is necessary and drops this gem:

"Oh fuck no. Apologizing? Nah. Didn't apologize for jack shit."

However - demonstrating self awareness / growth - he's also clearly projecting guilt and a desire (that's almost too big to look at) to apologize to Izzy for everything, and then he honestly talks with Fang (who he's known for 20 years!) about how he can not be understandably mad at him, after Fang pushes back on Edward's toxic rewriting of Knife Parade. He even learns to sit with himself!

All of which makes the start of 2x06 so layered.

We open with Edward sitting with himself, looking out over the ocean and stewing in guilt - in order: his dad, the storm, Izzy's toe, shooting Izzy, driving the crew to mutiny - and then the conversation that Edward was haunted by all last episode comes to him. He's back in his leathers - playacting the penitent with the onesie and cat bell got old after a day, and he had never truly linked his probation rules with any of his earnest feelings of remorse. Just a necessary performance to appease the crew.

Now he's himself again, as uncomfortable in his own skin as ever, and Edward Teach apologizes for Izzy's leg. He isn't being demanded to apologize by Izzy (no matter how much he may deserve it). Izzy is fully prepared to pretend it never happened despite the evidence of his body. But Edward wants to - needs to for the babiest step toward his own peace of mind - and so he does.

And then he flees from one guilt and accidentally stumbles into another. Stede has so helpfully pulled all Edward's Kraken treasure into one place, and Edward lampshades it:

"Excellent. A reminder of all my guilt. A guilt room."

Now, Stede has a decent idea here. His "poison into positivity" bit is not bad (and it echoes the language Izzy and Edward used - though I think it's a tossup whether Stede heard about that or if the parallel is purely on a Doylist level). It definitely lifts Edward's mood for the day and pulls him out of his guilt spiral for a bit.

Until it comes back so much worse.

Ned Low. Oh fuck the implications of Ned Low.

So here's the thing. People have rightly observed that Edward broke Ned's record intentionally during Kraken Era. In fact, since he makes the comment about "We got a record to break" after the wedding boat aka the last ship he takes, and Ned isn't coming after him for a tie, presumably he set the new record and then proceeded to break it over and over again. Just to rub it in. Just to really piss the sadist off.

And if Edward's attempt to take the whole ship and crew down with a storm at his lowest point was bad, what he was courting by baiting Ned before the season even started was worse. This is a man who would have tortured everyone on the breakup boat to death when he caught up to them, and Edward was passively planning on letting him do it.

Edward knows this.

Poison into positivity just became "oh shit I forgot I'm the most poisonous thing any of these people have ever run into," and he's just getting started. It's hard to shove it down and brush it off and pretend it was no big deal when Stede starts getting the hot poker to the chest.

He doesn't want to kill Ned because he's not worth the poison, but the poison is already here.

When Stede kills Ned, Edward has already spiraled. He's already got a whole narrative in his head about how this is all his fault, how this is his poison, his guilt, his Kraken surfacing to ruin Stede too.

"I'm not a good person, Stede. That's why I don't have any friends," Edward chokes out.

"It all boils down to this - You're afraid you're unlovable," snarls Hornigold's ghost in the gravy basket.

"I hate myself," Edward realizes.

"Don't do it, Stede. Killing in cold blood" - like I did - "you can't come back from that" - like I haven't.

Edward's guilt is projecting all over this scene. He's made some baby steps toward seeing Stede as a flawed person vs mythical mermaid whose love can save him, but the idealization is still coloring both their views. Stede still hasn't told Edward about any of his childhood traumas or deep seated insecurities, and Edward has continuously avoided putting together that Stede is fucked up as well. He's convinced himself that killing Ned Low is a great tragedy that will permanently scar Stede's previously unblemished goodness in a way that is all Edward's fault, and he's sticking to it despite how completely it does not apply.

Reality has never been much good at breaking through his self-loathing before.

Izzy tries to warn him to give Stede a minute, but Edward doesn't listen. And while there's a good amount of concerned boyfriend in that act, I also suspect there's more than a little self-harm. Edward's spiraling about what he's wrought. He shows up at Stede's door already paralleling this to killing his dad. Of course he wants to be in the blast radius.

Apparently, having sex about it.

---

"Bye-Bye" Blackbeard, See You Again Soon

Last season, when Edward's ignoring his past went poorly, he tried to metaphorically bundle Blackbeard and all his traumas up and cast them into the sea. He was "Edward Teach Born-on-a-Beach," and then "No-Beard" who found folding stuff in prison fun, and then he's kissing Stede and getting excited about picking new, cool names for China, because:

"Our old lives would be gone. Dead. Never were."

Edward, babygirl, that is not how that works.

Now, he's actively backsliding down a guilt spiral, just had ill-advised sex a day after the "take it slow" talk that he's already regretting, and he gets up in the morning, pulls on another goddamn robe, and goes to literally bundle Blackbeard up and cast him into the sea.

Babe you already tried this.

I don't think it's a coincidence that disposing of his leathers signals Edward is back to reckless change instead of intentional change. He tries to make breakfast in bed despite never having ever made breakfast before and explains his twine as a panicked decision. The idealization of Stede is back in force - he chooses now to tell him about the mermaid vision - "fantastic," he describes him - and thanks him for saving his life. (Once again, in times of trouble, Edward is the one offering up rosy imaginations for their relationship that swallow him whole and Stede is shoving his recent childhood trauma flashbacks down to be Normal™.)

In the Republic, Edward does avoid becoming straight up jealous of all Stede's positive infamy, but he's also doing his hardcore all or nothing thing again - this time running away from himself toward a grubby, poor, "nobody" version of Ed (or do we think he's gonna try "Jeff" again?). Jackie calls his attention to how his new life direction (as of 6 hours ago) is not necessarily aligned with Stede's, and - rather than doing something as crazy as talking - he mutters "shit" and heads to the docks where Izzy finds him.

For a guy who felt "Fucking great" throwing away his leathers, Edward sounds kind of sarcastic, even if I'm sure he's feeling just as light as he was on that Naval Academy beach. But Izzy - going through his own shit but still trying to be supportive - opened this conversation with a joke about Stede and I suspect thinks they are talking about putting the "Edward retiring to be with Stede" plan back on the table. (Edward could clear this up, but he's still not communicating his emotions to Izzy.) So Izzy encourages him:

"Maybe you should listen to it."

Edward's face falls, he looks back down at the fishing boat, and apparently gets himself a new job. He just needs to go dump his boyfriend about it. They're simply incompatible, you see?

Edward's a fisherman now. He's gonna sit with himself until he finds a better guy in there, just like Fang taught him. (Don't blame Fang for this 😆 he just wanted Edward to stop talking!)

Now there's a lot going on in the breakup scene, but I want to talk about one statement Edward makes (keeping in mind he's already spiraled all the way into his new fisherman identity):

"I don't even know who I am! Alright, I know I don't want to be a pirate, but you..."

Because, see - I don't think the second part of that is necessarily true.

It's not that Edward doesn't want to be "a pirate". That's what he's using as shorthand (and a way to strongly delineate his new career from Stede: "Fishermen and pirates - they're nothing alike.").

What he's not saying is, once again, I know I don't want to be Edward Teach.

And, babygirl, I love you... but too fucking bad.

---

Better Piracy as a Theme

There's a lot of meta around about how Edward views piracy as a kind of enforced toxic masculinity. How his traumas are woven so thoroughly into his Blackbeard career that the thought of continuing as a pirate is killing him. He has to retire. It's the only way he'll truly be happy as "just Edward."

And I question that framing.

Like... Edward clearly has trauma tied up in piracy. His time on Hornigold's ship appears to have defined his (and Calico's Jack's) fairly fucked up approach to casual violence. His time as Blackbeard has enabled his poor impulses, and he is absolutely sick of piracy as he's experienced it the first time we meet him. That's not in question.

But while leaving is one solution, I think change is another.

In the OFMD universe, piracy is not a stand-in for toxic masculinity. Stede, an outsider, describes it as a "culture of abuse" in the first episode, but it's the culture of piracy where we see openly gay relationships, polyamory, freedom of expression in clothing and presentation, the oppressed having power... to treat piracy as inherently toxic is to deny that the culture of piracy is what gave life to Calypso's Birthday party. Our main characters are pirates.

There is a lot of violence and most pirates are very troubled people, but it's not piracy's fault. That's getting the cause and effect reversed. The "problem" with piracy and pirate culture is that the people coming into it and building this community are already traumatized.

As Edward points out to Stede:

"It's usually something like that. It's often family-based stuff."

(Also the problem might be the pirate Captains, lol. I mean, if you start listing the major drivers and enablers of toxic culture... Hornigold, Ned Low, Calico Jack, Blackbeard. Fortunate, then, that the crew of the Revenge is demonstrating that piracy can also be about workers' unions and supporting each other against your shitty boss while operating in a thriving community. He can play nice or get out.)

Oluwande tells us from the start that people don't choose to be pirates - they get forced into it by terrible circumstances in a terrible society. Piracy is the community that accepts the outcasts, but it can't magically fix them. They have to do that themselves, which our crew is showing can be done.

Stede did not swan in with all the answers, but he gave his crew the space and all the confused-yet-well-meant support they needed to strengthen their own bonds and community. Oluwande and Frenchie especially have been really stepping up in leadership positions. Like, the whole plot of 2x05 was showing they have successfully formed a union and that they will operate as a united front against their captains if need arises. It's so good!

They are living that better culture that Stede wanted so bad, and it's not just our crew.

Piracy influenced by the Revenge crew has been shown as helpful and even desirable to chase.

Hellcat Maggie and the rest of Low's crew don't sail off to get new jobs - they are resuming piracy but this time talking about profit sharing. Anne and Mary, our oh so aggressive BlackBonnet mirrors, retired from piracy together like Edward was dreaming of in 1x09, and what "fixes" them is burning it all down and returning to piracy (rejecting Mary's fears) with their love at the forefront of their minds.

Edward wants to leave piracy behind forever because he has depression and hates himself, but the biggest thing he hates himself for isn't even a thing he did as a pirate. He's pushing back on his Hornigold trauma from the moment we meet him - in fact, I have a whole other meta idea I need to pull together after the season about how he has potentially thought he was doing "soft piracy" in spite of Hornigold this whole time - but the guilt he feels about killing his dad is still too big for him to even look at. And that won't go away even if he could cut 20+ years of Blackbeard out of his chest.

He's bored. He was stagnating. He needs to address that knot of self-loathing before it successfully drowns him.

Maybe people are right and he could be the one pirate to find peace operating a bed and breakfast? Maybe he'll follow in Jackie's footsteps and stay connected to the community by running a gay bar or something?

But I also think, maybe, he has a community surrounding him, a home and love on the sea, and a career with plenty of aspects he did enjoy - sailing, fuckeries, luxuries, creative problem solving - and he might just need to join everyone in striving for a better culture?

And step one would be realizing that wherever he goes, he's still Edward Teach, and he's got to stop running from that fact.

[taey0ngsvape]

blue butterflies

“i guess i want you more than i thought i did”

pairing: chenle x fem!reader

genre: fluff, some angst, friends to lovers

word count: 3.3k

contains: arguing, chenle calls reader “my girl”, he’s a lil possessive but i tried my hardest to make it not toxic😭, mentions of reader wearing a skirt, some tears but no actual crying, fluff at the end

summary: it takes seeing you getting ready for a date with someone else to finally push chenle to confess.

~

When Chenle’s phone screen lights up with a FaceTime from you, he’d already been thinking about you. He’s been thinking about you a lot lately, not that he’d ever tell you that. It’s not his fault that everything reminds him of you.

He accepts the call and sets his phone on the desk in front of him as you come into view.

“What do you think of this outfit?” you ask him, foregoing a greeting. You’re wearing a tight black top cut out in various places to show your skin paired with some dark green cargo pants. For a moment, he just stares, taking everything in. You look good. He’s never seen that shirt before. But of course he’ll never let you know what kind of effect you have on him.

“You look like Kim Possible,” he says nonchalantly. 

You let out a noise of distress and pick up your phone. 

Chenle laughs. “It’s not bad if you’re trying to look like a secret agent.”

“Yeah well, secret agent isn’t exactly what I’m going for right now.”

“What are you going for?” Chenle asks.

You sigh. “Dignified and collected, but still open and casual.”

Chenle snorts. “Good luck with that.”

You roll your eyes. “Fuck you. I should’ve called Jisung or something. At least he would be nice to me.”

“Like he’d be able to help,” Chenle scoffs. “Why are you so worried anyway?”

“Because I need an outfit that’s not too over the top. I don’t want to screw up my chances before the date has even started.”

For a second, it’s like time slows down. The word date grows to a crescendo in his mind. You hadn’t mentioned you were going on a date.

Before he can stop himself, Chenle asks, “What date?”

“When Jisung and I hung out the other day a guy at the coffee shop asked me for my number. I thought Jisung would’ve told you.” You shrug and set your phone down, beginning to search your closet for something else.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Chenle asks. Usually you two tell each other everything, it’s just a part of being friends. What’s worse is that you actually did text him after the day you spent with Jisung but you hadn’t mentioned anything about giving some guy your number.

You shrug. “We never talk about that kind of stuff.” You lay something else out on your bed before picking up your phone and turning the camera around to showcase a different outfit laid out on the sheets. “What about this?” 

This time, Chenle hardly looks at the outfit. “Are you sure you want to go?”

“Yes? Why wouldn’t I?” you ask. Then, you lay a skirt down next to the outfit. “Should I wear the skirt instead?”

Chenle clenches his jaw. You wore that skirt the first time you spent the day with just him, he loves that skirt and he can’t stomach the possibility of you wearing that skirt to go on a date with someone else. 

“I don’t want you to go.” He knows he can’t stop you, but he refuses to sit here and do nothing while you get ready to walk away from him.

You scoff. “Don’t worry. I can take care of myself.” You pull the skirt closer to the outfit and let out a content hum. “I’m going to wear it.”

“I don’t want you to go,” Chenle repeats, firmer this time. 

On the other end of the line, you’ve fallen silent, the camera still focused on the skirt and the blue butterflies that line the hem. When you speak again, your voice is soft and almost timid. “What are you saying?”

Chenle exhales and lets his eyes fall shut. “I don’t want to see you on a date with someone else. I don’t want to…” Chenle can feel the anger in his chest rising. “I can’t be silent while you bring your new boyfriend around and pretend like it’s not killing me to see someone else get everything I want.” He pauses, forcing his voice to steady out and return to a normal volume. “You’re supposed to be my girl.”

When he opens his eyes, you’ve turned the camera around again and he can see your face. His heart aches when he sees the tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He never meant to upset you.

Your lower lip quivers as you meet his eyes. “That’s not fair.”

Guilt fills him as you sniff and wipe your cheeks with the back of your hand. “You… you’re being mean.”

The ache in his chest turns sharp and his shame becomes almost overwhelming. “You never told me about your feelings, never gave any signs that you wanted me as more than just a friend. But you flirted with me left and right all the time and gave me hope but not enough and now that I’ve found someone who actually is up front with me about their feelings, who actually wants me and isn’t afraid to say it, you’re trying to stop me from being with them.”

More tears roll down your cheeks. “You never told me you wanted me but now that someone else does you’re trying to stop me. You understand how insensitive that is, right? How selfish?”

And you’re right. He knows you’re right. He is being selfish, he’s preventing you from reaching for happiness just because that happiness doesn’t make him happy too. But he still can’t bear to think of you dating someone else, of wearing the butterfly skirt for someone who isn’t him.

“I didn’t mean to…” he pinches his brow. “Please don’t go.”

He hears you make a sound somewhere between a scoff and a sob but by the time he looks back at his phone, you’ve already hung up the call. His lockscreen stays illuminated for a few seconds, a picture of you and him that Jisung had taken a while back. You’re sitting next to him on the subway, asleep on his shoulder while he holds your hand. He hadn’t realized Jisung was taking a picture until after you’d gone home and the second he saw the photo he knew it was a moment he wanted to keep forever. 

He swallows the lump in his throat and resists the urge to rip his hair out because he knows he just fucked up bad. Every single thing you’d said was true, he had been leading you on in a way and just because it was unintentional doesn’t make it any better. He’d been selfish and careless and now you were paying the price.

Chenle buries his face in his hands. He needs to apologize. He knows he needs to apologize. But after everything, the least he can do is give you some space while you go on your date so he doesn’t ruin your day any more than he has already. He’ll apologize later, once he’s sure your date is over. It’s still pretty early, you probably agreed to meet the guy for lunch, so Chenle figures he can head to your place around dinnertime and pick up some flowers on the way. 

Waiting around is much easier said than done. He feels restless all day and can only keep himself occupied by one thing for so long before he starts losing control of his thoughts and has to find something else to distract himself with. By 5 he’s gotten too impatient so he heads out to find a florist on the way to your place.

Once he’s gotten the bouquet of flowers, he walks the rest of the way to your apartment. He can’t help but wonder if you’ll still be wearing the butterfly skirt or if you’ll have already taken off your makeup and put on comfortable clothes. Usually that means wearing one of his shirts but he doesn’t dare to dream that big. 

When he arrives at your door, he hesitates to knock. What if you’re not home? Or worse, what if you are and you’ve invited the guy over? As much as he hates it, he decides that if that’s the case then he’ll leave and let you enjoy your night no matter how much it hurts him. 

He knocks on the door a few times, far less aggressive than he usually is when he comes over. He’s sure you’ve gotten used to him pounding on the door to announce his arrival. That, or he’ll just walk right in. It almost feels too formal to knock politely.

He only waits on the doorstep for a few moments before he hears the lock click and he takes a step back as you open the door. 

For a moment, he just looks at you. You aren’t wearing the butterfly skirt or the blue shirt you’d chosen to pair it with on the phone. You’re wearing your casual clothes and he registers that they’re the same clothes you’d been wearing this morning. To his immense relief, there doesn’t seem to be anyone else in your apartment.

You look conflicted, like you’re trying to choose between throwing yourself into his arms and slamming the door in his face. Chenle clears his throat and extends the flowers towards you. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, hoping he sounds as genuine as he feels. “I’ve been a terrible friend and I’m sorry it took getting yelled at to realize it. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I know I did anyway so I came to try and make it right because I hate being the reason you’re upset.”

Your face softens a bit and you look between him and the bouquet of flowers between you. “I got them as an apology, not a romantic thing. I know you literally just went on a date. How did that go, by the way?” He knows he’s rambling a bit but for once his nerves are getting the better of him.

You take the flowers from his hand and he feels his heart skip. You admire them for a few moments, running your fingers over the colorful petals. “I didn’t go,” you say.

“What?” he asks. “Why?”

You look up from the flowers and meet his eyes. “Let’s talk inside.”

While you go to the kitchen to fill a vase for the flowers, Chenle sits on your couch waiting. He’s never felt so out of place in your apartment. Over the length of your friendship, your place has become like a second home to him, but now he’s almost overwhelmed with a feeling that he shouldn’t be here. 

Chenle looks up when you walk over, but you don’t join him on the couch, instead sitting in an armchair against the wall. Struck with another twinge of guilt, Chenle mumbles another apology. You won’t even sit next to him and he’s entirely to blame.

“Why didn’t you go?” he asks. “I bet the guy could’ve cheered you up. He’s probably nicer than I am.”

“Being upset wasn’t the reason,” you say. For a moment, you collect your thoughts before looking at Chenle. “I didn’t go because I don’t like him. I thought if I went and got to know him then maybe I could, but right now… I mean, I don’t even know his last name. And I didn’t see a point in going on a date with someone I don’t like when I already have feelings for someone else. And they have feelings for me too.”

Chenle’s eyes widen as he processes what you’ve just said. “Does that mean…” His mouth feels dry. He almost can’t believe it. Sure, the two of you flirted playfully sometimes but you laughed it off afterwards and in all the time he knew you you’d never dated anyone. He thought you weren’t interested in a relationship with anyone, much less one with him.

“You… you’ve always been special to me. You were always doing everything you could just to make me smile. You would listen to my stories and share your own too. I always felt a connection with you. But we never talked about relationships together, not even our pasts. And you’re such a playful person with everyone, I had no reason to believe you actually meant anything you said when you flirted with me,” you say, a slight frown on your lips as you look at him.

“I meant it,” Chenle says instantly. “All of it.” He hates that you thought he wasn’t sincere. He should’ve been braver, more straightforward. “I…” he sighs. “I really like you. I’ve liked you for a long time. I’m so sorry I made you think I wasn’t serious. But I swear to you, every time I called you beautiful I meant it. And I mean it when I say that you are one of the most interesting people I know. You’re so smart and you’re kind and you make me laugh and I love being with you all the time. And I should’ve told you all of this sooner. But I’m telling you now and I promise you I mean it, okay? I really really like you.”

When you smile he feels like the room has brightened a bit. It’s not even a full smile, just a slight curve of your lips, but it’s enough to have his heart racing as his chest fills with relief. 

“I like you too,” you say, making sure to meet his eyes. “And I accept your apology. But I am upset that you didn’t tell me. And… if you can’t communicate with me then I don’t think I could be in a relationship with you. If we’re going to date, I need to trust that you’ll talk to me.”

“You really want that? With me?” Chenle still feels a bit stunned. Throughout your whole friendship he’d always had moments where he wondered why you chose him and if someday you’d stop. And even once he realized he liked you as more than a friend he hadn’t dared to hope you would feel the same. You already seemed out of his league as a friend.

“Yeah,” you say. “I want you to be mine. And I want to be yours too, but I need to know that you’ll be open with me.”

“I will.” Chenle sits up a little straighter. “I promise. I’ll be open and honest with you. And you can do the same with me. Always.”

You smile softly and Chenle notices that your shoulders look more relaxed than they had when you first sat down. “Okay,” you say, your smile widening.

“Does this mean we’re dating now?” he asks and his heart swells when you laugh. He loves the sparkle in your eye when you look at him and in this moment he decides he’ll do anything he has to if it means you’ll always look at him the way you are now.

“You do realize you have to actually take me on a date first, right?” you say, somewhat teasingly. “And before you ask, no, we are not going anywhere right now. I’m not going out until tomorrow at the absolute earliest.”

But Chenle has never been one to back down from a challenge (and he doesn’t feel like going out either) so he just shrugs. “Fine. We’ll have our first date here then. I’ll make dinner.”

You laugh a little at his enthusiasm. “As long as it isn’t eggs.”

“What if it has eggs in it?” he teases and grins when you roll your eyes.

“Maybe I should do the cooking,” you suggest but Chenle shakes his head immediately.

“It’ll be great. I promise.” You still look skeptical but he just grins at you. “Can I have a kiss for good luck?” he asks, adoring the way your cheeks flush red. Cute.

“What do you need good luck for?” you ask.

“Cooking is serious business,” he says. “Did you know that the kitchen is one of the most dangerous rooms in a house?”

“Maybe you should stay out of it then.”

Chenle sighs exasperatedly and you fight to contain a smile.

“Besides,” you add, “we’re not even dating yet.”

“Fine,” Chenle huffs, standing up. “But if there’s a kitchen fire I’m blaming you.”

You roll your eyes. “If there’s a kitchen fire I’m never speaking to you again.”

Chenle pretends not to hear you and heads for the kitchen to start the meal. He’s pretty sure he’s used your kitchen more than his own considering how often he’s here. 

You put on some music and sit on the edge of the counter to watch him as he works. “Is the kitchen actually one of the most dangerous rooms in the house?” you ask him.

He shrugs as he fills a pot with water. “I don’t know, maybe. I made that up.” As the sound of your bubbly laughter fills the room he smiles to himself.

You continue talking to him as he cooks and he realizes that this doesn’t feel all that different from when he’s normally here, but there’s a certain weight that has been lifted. His chest no longer feels tight every time he looks at you. He doesn’t have to hold himself back from admiring you anymore.

After dinner (which you complimented heavily and made him very proud of himself), you insist on helping him wash the dishes. He washes the larger pots as you handle the smaller plates and bowl. He hardly takes his eyes off you the whole time, fighting back a smile as you sing quietly to the music you put on. 

He ends up finishing his task first and he can’t resist wrapping his arms around you from behind and pulling you close to his chest. You stiffen a little at first, but it’s only for a second before you relax and go back to the plate you were working on. 

“This is nice,” you say, setting down the finished plate and drying your hands with the dish towel. 

Chenle feels a smile creep onto his face. He loves having you close to him but before it was a rare occurrence. Now he has an excuse to hold you whenever he wants.

“Are we dating now?” he asks.

You turn in his arms to face him and he smiles at you. “I made you dinner and you said that it was good. And I didn’t even start a kitchen fire or—” You cut him off, leaning in and connecting your lips.

As soon as he registers that you’re kissing him, he pulls you closer and moves one hand from your waist to cup your cheek. He’s not sure how long he’s been waiting for this moment, but he knows it’s better than anything he imagined. 

You pull away too soon for his liking, but he lets you. He keeps one arm around you and uses the other hand to tuck some of your hair behind your ear, smiling at the pink blush dusting your cheeks.

“Now we’re dating,” you say with a grin.

“So can I kiss you again?” he asks eagerly and you laugh.

“You can kiss me whenever you want.”

nct dream masterlist

[the-apocrypha]

ohh, can i hear about the uni au? 👀

(for the WIP ask game)

You absolutely may! A sort of urban fantasy/uni AU, where Hob is a werewolf from an estate, and Dream is a sorcerer from a Bezos-rich family of sorcerers, and. They meet. :D

Rachel is one of the few people Hob met sober during fresher’s week, as there was no alcohol at their scholarship luncheon. They don’t have much in common other than both being diversity grabs for a prestigious university, but it turns out that an inch of poverty becomes a mile when you’re surrounded by people who started each school year with three new pairs of shoes from Clarks and a tailored uniform. 

Luckily for them, trauma bonding is a well-documented phenomenon, and the universe has decided to deliver it in spades. 

Hob is stirring his soggy cornflakes round and round, eyes burning, head pounding. The rest of his hallmates are in similar condition, if not worse. The girl next to him has her head in her arms and earmuffs over her ears. Rachel is across from him, on her third cup of coffee. 

The dining hall has surely never been so full at six in the morning on a Saturday. But what else are they supposed to do? 

“You’d think—” Rachel starts, and then is interrupted by the crescendoing, unearthly shriek that rattles the windows and makes Hob want to find a way to stuff more cotton into his ears. 

She heaves a sigh, and cover her ears. 

Hob presses his hands over his own ears and closes his eyes, counting. 

Cavendish Hall is one of the oldest buildings on campus, and in Hob’s two weeks of residence, it’s been uniformly excellent. His room is spacious with huge old windows and an actual (though boarded up) fireplace. The dining hall is like something out of Harry Potter. The building is old enough that it has a Temperatus instead of normal HVAC, and Hob is told that in the winter the spells even extend to warming the floorboards. 

He was warned about Old Beans.

The warnings did not do him justice.

“You’d think,” Rachel repeats, when the godawful screaming dies away, and Hob dares to pry a cotton ball loose, “they’d have found a way to do a proper exorcism by now.” 

“You’d think it would take less than seven hours to get a sorcerer in to shut ‘im up,” Hob grumbles. 

[chaoticace2005]

Okay but I want to talk about "the kiss" for a second.

I don't know for anyone else watching but the vibes of the kiss were not really "oh yes finally the one I love" but more like "I have to do this I have to make a point." It isn't just out of love that Crowley kisses Aziraphale but out of exasperation, out of anger. Aziraphale is leaving and won't listen to him and Crowley needs to just do this for once. Was the kiss for him? Or to convince Aziraphale not to leave? I don't know, but it was kind of surprising for the long awaited kiss to not be romantic but more forced. You can see by the way Aziraphale's body seems to be stiffened up.

This is no shame to the actors btw, Michael Sheen and David Tennant played their parts so wonderfully and I think that's why this scene worked so well.

It was also an interesting may to continue making fun of old love tropes. Locking two people in a room together? Nope. The rain? Failed. The ball? Okay maybe that worked a bit but also demons attacked. Forcing people together at all? Yeah, no. And now they've taken the "the person I love and I are arguing and they may leave forever so I need to kiss them to show them how I feel and maybe make them stay" trope. And did it bring them together? No- because maybe forcing a kiss on someone is not the best way to present one's feelings towards them.

Even if the person you're kissing is someone who has such feelings back (which hadn't been confirmed by Aziraphale TO Crowley at the time)- it should still be something consented to. And I hope if there is a next season this does get addressed.

Given the characters this entire argument they're having really works to highlight their own flaws and issues that clash. Their different views of heaven. Crowley placing Aziraphale above everything, including heaven. While Aziraphale views Crowley as someone he finds worthy of heaven. The whole "you go too fast for me" thing. Their complete lack of communication. It all just crescendoed into one heartbreaking scene.

Just...oof.

Also the "I forgive you", for what? For not going to heaven? For him kissing you? For WHAT Aziraphale?

That scene was hard to watch and I'm sure it's meant to be, because of course they need to give us more angst and leave us hanging for years before we actually get any kind of reconciliation. Can these two PLEASE GET ON THE SAME PAGE FOR ONCE- Crowley if this was at the ball I'm sure this would have been way different (given demons weren't pounding on the door.) These idiots keeping choosing the wrong times to try and do stuff.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

You know what I love so much about BTS's music is when you've not listened to a song or album for a while and when you do not only are you reminded of how good it is, but also sometimes songs you already like and have heard countless times before you suddenly latch onto unexpectedly. It happens to me often with their music, the latest song for me being Let me know. It just got it's claws into me on my Dark and Wild revisit and I've had it on repeatedly the past few days. I don't know what it is about them or their music that manages to just keep grabbing at you the way it does, maybe it's because their discography is so large and varied, but whatever it is I'm very grateful.

***

That’s the thing about excellent quality: it’s timeless. It doesn’t matter how old their songs are, how much you replay them, or whatever. When you listen to BTS’s music, you know it’s good because it feels incredible.

Your experience with Let Me Know is one I relate to so hard. That song was released in 2014 you know. BTS were really dropping bangers right out the gate. Like, it’s no surprise they blew up the way they did because they just had the best music point blank period.

They still do.

The songs I’ve revisited recently that made me feel similarly to you are:

- Mikrokosmos: Not a bad song at all, but one I usually skip and don’t add to my playlists because it’s not exactly my taste and it often reminds me of BTS concerts and that’s a sore topic for me recently. But I was traveling this past weekend and browsing music on the plane, and saw it then played it on a whim. And man, it hit me again just how good that song is. BTS knows how to make good music and execute it perfectly every time.

- I NEED U (Remix): There’s this view in the fandom that BTS only recently started putting out several remixes, but while they’ve certainly put out more in recent years to match pace with Western practices, they’ve also always kinda been into remixes. And back in my day, the fandom actually made it a point to enjoy the remixes. I Need U remix is one such remix I used to jam out to back then, and while playing some of my older lists recently to prepare for Hobi’s birthday, this song played and the nostalgia hit me like a truck.

- Lost: This is the most underrated song in BTS’s discography. It’s one of the songs where you just have to watch the live performance and see the choreography. It’s just too good. In fact, Lost > The Truth Untold. By a mile. Jungkook’s voice and insane runs in that song are something you just have to experience for yourself.

They dropped that banger 3 years after their debut.

- Go Go: This song is what solidified BTS’s success in 2017. Not DNA imo. Just listen to their voices in this song. Listen to how they sing, how unrefined and passionate it is. They sound like they’re having fun. I forgot about Go Go until a few weeks ago and it’s in my rotation again.

- Fly to my Room: Songs like this is why BTS is on top of the k-pop food chain. Nobody in the entire industry can arrange and pull off a song like this: choir/gospel with a fuckass organ + gutter trap + Hoseok’s verse… like, god. Those whispered harmonies in the final chorus before the crescendo outro. Jimin’s high notes…. It’s just such a serve of a song. They killed it.

- Spinebreaker: Someone asked me recently how the rapline became my bias, if I started with one rapline member then the rest followed, or if it was all at once. I didn’t answer that ask but anon if you’re reading this, the answer is all at once. I’d liked the rapline since debut but I think it was this song that did it for me. All of them on this track are insane. From the moment I heard Joon’s voice at the start I just accepted my fate.

Anyway, thanks for this ask Anon. BTS are so loved because they put their heart and soul into the music they make and it shows. It’s why streaming their stuff has never felt like a chore for me. I look forward to listening to their music every day I wake up. It makes my life better. I’m happy it seems to be at least a bit similar for you too.

[putschki1969]

Hello Puts!

I don't think I have seen you share your thoughts about Keiko's latest single. I personally really enjoy this release and I am curious how you feel about it?

Ugh, yeah, you got me there🫣I've been uncharacteristically quiet about Keiko's 「夕闇のうた」. Quite frankly, I've just not had enough positive things to say to warrant a proper review😭. As most of you probably know, I do not get any pleasure from lingering on stuff I don't particularly like, I simply move on and prefer to focus on things I actually enjoy. But hey, since you asked, I might as well write up a few things that have been going through my mind.

Disclaimer: Needless to say, this is all just my personal opinion. I am by no means an expert on music or singing, I am just a fan who is very invested in my girls but due to having a very specific taste, not everything works for me but of course that doesn't mean that it won't work for anyone else.

Let's start with the single's A-Side 「夕闇のうた/Yūyami no Uta」. It's not like I hate the song or anything, objectively it's a decent track, I just can't really get into it. There are some songs and melodies that immediately resonate with me, others grow on me over time and then there are some I need to hear performed live to properly appreciate them. In this case, none of these options apply unfortunately. We got our very first snippet way back at the end of November and to be honest, that didn't do much for me which already kinda tempered my excitement. Ever since then the song has had time to marinate but I haven't been able to warm up to it. Even the live performance at last year's Kaji Fes didn't have a noteworthy effect on me. My last hope was hearing the full studio version but my reaction was once again rather lukewarm. The visuals of the PV helped a bit to get me into a good mood for the song but ultimately, I was pretty much underwhelmed. And the worst thing is, I struggle to pinpoint what exactly is bothering me about the song. One thing I am definitely not a fan of is the overly rushed and repetitive drum-beat in the verses, for some reason I feel like it clashes a bit with Keiko's singing and cheapens the overall vibe of the song but that could just be my personal impression. I prefer a good build-up to a chorus and I don't think we are getting it here. Speaking of the chorus, the structure of the chorus doesn't work for me or maybe it's the melody (lack thereof?) that doesn't appeal to me? Not sure exactly but it's not giving me what I would have liked. The first part starting with "inori" is pretty generic and then we get a sort of crescendo for "utau/fureru" which feels oddly out of place, especially when it transitions right into the scat singing. Maybe there is too much different stuff going on or it's all happening too fast but it doesn't have the impact on me which it probably should have. I am usually a big fan of Keiko's scat singing, I mean, her yay- yay-yay part in YK's "vanity" or Kalafina's "Door" regularly gives me an eargasm so why the hell does it leave me so unimpressed in "Yūyami no Uta"???!!! I guess it's more of a combination of the melodic arrangement and the accompanying scatting which makes songs like "vanity" or "Door" so much more epic for me....? As for the bridge, it's okay I suppose. In her interviews, Keiko has mentioned multiple times how her progress as a vocalist has made it possible to tackle all these high parts and that just a few years ago, Yuki Kajiura would have assigned Yuriko Kaida or one of her other chorus singers to sing those sections. Keiko's higher registers are a hit and miss for me, sometimes they work, other times not so much. Here she sounds perfectly fine and I fully understand why YK would feel confident to let Keiko handle this on her own. But again, the whole part is just meh and by now I am convinced that it is because the song doesn't have a sufficiently nice melody to provide a good base for Keiko's singing.

I want to continue with 「夕闇のうた Special Edit ver.」 because I honestly feel like we have been robbed of something really good here. Whoever decided to bypass this in favour of the normal version should really start questioning their life choices. I am not saying that this version is perfect (we don't even get all that much to form an opinion on it) but from what I hear, it is superior in many ways and would have worked better as an ending (edit: apparently, it has actually been used as ED on the 3rd ep). That gorgeous strings intro alone takes the song to a whole new level, making it so much more melodic. And the somewhat obtrusive drums feel way more toned down here since they are introduced at a later point of the song to create more of a proper build-up towards the chorus. The chorus itself is pretty much the same from what I can tell but I wonder what the bridge and the remainder of the verses would have sounded like in this style. The ending verse of the song also works a lot better for this special edit, wish they had included all of it starting from "itoshii" and then concluded it with another strings section.

Now all that's left to talk about is the single's B-Side, 「燈命/Tōmei」. This song is a big no-go for me so I'll keep it short. The composition, arrangement and lyrics were all done by Saku who has previously worked with Keiko on "Ray" (Lantana), "Sakura wo Goran" (dew) and "YOUR" (CUTLERY). He was only in charge of the arrangement for"Sakura wo Goran" but out of those three songs, "Tōmei" feels closest to this one in terms of vibe and overall blandness. I've come to enjoy "YOUR" quite a bit (even if I am not so happy with some of Keiko's higher notes) and "Ray" is decent too but my entire body outright rejects songs like "Sakura wo Goran" and "Tōmei". Sorry🙈I don't even know what else to say. I listened to it and immediately was like, nope, next one please.

Phew, this turned out longer than expected. I feel shabby for going on and on about all the stuff I didn't like but oh well, what's done is done. Moving on...

[noturvlentine]

the same damn thing

matty healy x reader based on this request🖤

requests are open still!!! this is my first matty request so to anon i hope it somewhat resembles what you had in mind :)

do not copy my stuff elsewhere but reblogs are appreciated 🖤

Summary- when you decided to take a break from your own music, you focused on helping matty and the boys on their new record and tour, offering your vocals for about you during a few live sets- though tonight, Matty’s lyrics hit differently. You realised that theyre about you-

lots of random doubting and fluff?

Word count 1.3k

༺ ♰ ༻

You were set for the stage any minute now, though it was a matter of how dramatic Matty was setting himself up to be that night. Tonight was your last time lending a hand to The 1975 before you set back on your own tour, for the past two shows, Matty had asked for you perform About You with the band on stage- an offer you couldn’t decline.

You remember London, 02, night two. You were an unannounced guest but honestly didn’t expect as huge of a welcome as you got that night, probably because you were no where near as interesting as Taylor swift from the previous show. You and Matty had always been a thing, platonically and sentimentally since Jack Antonoff introduced you two back ages ago. However, Matty would cowardly disagree.

First, he asked you if you’d like to be on a track for their latest album. He’d asked if you were willing to record your vocals for About You, and he’d ask when you were free.

And secondly, he was still in love with you. Whatever had been brewing inside him for the past- god knows how long had finally eaten him up from the inside and he was done being subtle. He was petrified that this tender desire to be with you would eventually suffocate him- he was done avoiding writing about you. The moment he swore to George about being earnest, he knew it was completely over for him. He’d tried to love you once. Though that was interrupted by a round of horse therapy and two rounds of tours from both parties- he didn’t know if it’ll end the way it always did. And something in side you was clawing at your rib cage too, curling around you heart and spreading infectiously under the radar.

On your second night, in Birmingham you felt the warmth of his stare prying its way into your mind, and down to your heart. You’d spent the entire night and the rest of the next day, until now- trying to tend to the animal of feelings that had scratched its way out from your chest. How long has it been like this? How long had you tamed your love for him and why now?

It all made sense now. The way he’d make up for your lost time together right after coming home from tour, in between shows and whatever he was up to. The desperation in his eyes when he’d ask if you’d come perform for them and this new doomed earnestness he’d adopted for the album. You stared blankly at the lights illuminating the stairs from the hallway to the wings, your earpiece rested around your neck, fidgeting with your hands and picking on the bottom of your top. Why now?

Were all your anonymous love songs secretly for written for Matty? Did your subconsciousness realise what you had going before you ever saw clear enough? Did you mean everything you’d supposedly said about him in your music?-

“Hey! You’re up!”

One of the stage hands had motioned for you towards the wings, that frail white door waiting for you to open it. You couldn’t drop your thoughts about Matty- you were fucked.

Pressured by the song, already crescendoing through the speakers, you made your way through the dark towards the door, opening it quietly as you walked onto the dimly lit stage. You made your way past Jamie and George, picking up a microphone set on a stool next to a pillar- exactly like you did the previous night.

You and I,

Don’t let go-

Were alive,

Don’t let go-

With nothing to do, I could lay and just look in your eyes

Your voice was slightly lower than Polly’s but it made for a good harmony. The Birmingham crowd had lost the moment you’d began those words.

Wait,

Don’t let go-

And pretend,

Don’t let go-

Hold on and hope that we’ll find our way back in the end

You started to think that the song was too optimistic for a man who couldn’t make up his mind sometimes. And indeed Matty had never given up on you since he first realised that he was in love with you- only now were your paths beginning to cross. Making your way down to Matty, sitting on the edge of the top half of the stage looking down at him, you saw that same flare in his eyes that had landed you in an entanglement of intoxicating emotions.

Do you think I have forgotten?

About you?

His eyes were fixated on you, and maybe you liked the way he looked from this angle but whatever it was- it made your heart race exhaustingly, more than any rush of performance adrenaline could ever accomplish.

There was something bout you that now, I cant remember

Its the same damn thing that made my heart surrender

And I miss you on the train, I miss you in the morning

I never know what to think about

I think about you-

And in the moment of that exact brief surrender of a heart- it finally hit you. Matty had written this song for you- unable to decide whether it would be the end of him if you ever picked up on it. He didn’t know how you’d screwed him over with your smile and gentle eyes that rained and flooded his mind all too often. He simply couldn’t deal with it much longer as the house he’d built around his love for you would eventually collapse under his swelling heart. You kept singing on autopilot, your legs now crossed as you sat on the floor still looking at him.

Do you think I have forgotten?

About you?

Dont let go-

About you-

Do you think I have forgotten?

About you?

Dont let go-

Matty could see the shock in your eyes as his inevitable exposure had crossed you. He saw the way you were looking at him even through the strobing lights on stage and the unforgiving roar of crowd. You microphone had now been turned off and switched to earpiece transmission only. It was then out of carnival instinct you picked it up and held it right against your chest-

‘I love you’

You blurted out like a bittersweet whisper which passed straight into Matty’s earpiece. He looked at you equally stunned as if his collection of ‘almost confessions’ were laid out right on your body.

Without even asking he walked the distance towards you, closing the gap between you as he stood before you. His eyes never left yours and during a fleeting moment of confessions, he snaked his hand up around you neck, bringing you down into a kiss. You were now leaning over the side of the stage, and Matty was on the tips of his toes- the rest of the band were still going to your surprise but the rest of the arena had just lost their collective minds. He kissed you. Tender and sweet. It was rotten work to love you but he did it anyway as he stained your heart in return.

Matty pulled away from the kiss, taking both your hands and pulling you down to his level of the stage. His hands were now cupping you face as you stood in front of him, his back still to the audience as John’s sax solo faded into the background.

‘Will you be mine?’ He said, a whisper with the volume of a thousand speakers despite the fact you could barely hear him over the crowd. One nod of the head became two- and soon a million times more as he brought you into a kiss once again.

AN: hope that wasnt a confusing read!! I kinda lost track of where i was going with this one but it made some sort of sense in the end :)

[jgroffdaily]

Your intrepid team of JGD-ers are currently in the Big Apple, the home of Broadway, New York City! And, as if that wasn’t exciting enough, tonight we got to watch our very own reason for (online) existence, Mr Jonathan Drew Groff, strutting his (*frank*ly awesome) stuff in Merrily We Roll Along, at the Hudson Theatre on 44th Street, NYC!

For those who are unaware, Jonathan Groff Daily is made up of a team of two who live on literally opposite sides of the world - one in Australia and one in the UK. And while that allows for excellent coverage of breaking news (there is always at least one of us awake!), it has somewhat hindered our attempts to meet in real life - not helped by the pandemic that was raging at the time that we first “met”, three years ago.

Until now! In fact, until Wednesday of this week, when we both checked into the same hotel (all meticulously planned; not serendipity), into rooms directly above/below one another (that bit was serendipity), and began our NYC adventure together!

After a great deal of chatting, and far too much walking (and one inadvertent trip to Long Island City - nobody should ever leave me in charge of navigation!), tonight was the night for us to see the show together (in fact, my partner in crime had already seen it, last week, but this was our first time as a team).

First I should mention the theatre (this particular one is spelt that way, despite being in America - I’m not 100% sure why). It is so beautiful and elegant, and provides a wonderful setting in which the show can unfold.

And oh my goodness, what a show it is! As you will have all seen from the various glowing reviews online (with more surely to come next week, once the press embargo is lifted) this is an absolute tour de force and it was a such a privilege and a pleasure to watch this fabulous cast being utterly and completely fabulous.

First, of course, our boy. Well, we knew he could act. We knew he could sing. We knew he was prone to spit a little while doing both of those things. And all of that was also 100% true tonight!

I won’t include any spoilers in this review/ramble, as I hope that many of you will also get the chance to see it in person.

As you may have noticed, we try to keep this account relatively sober and professional (well, as sober and professional as a fan account on Tumblr can truly be, I guess!). However, as the more emotional one in our pairing, and in deference to this very special occasion, I don’t mind admitting that when Jonathan first came on stage I was all a-flutter. I haven’t seen him live and in person before, and I think I spent the first 8-10 minutes with the knuckles of my left hand in my mouth.

As you will all have seen in the press photos, etc, he spends almost the entire show wearing black trousers and a white button down shirt, and it’s a great look on him (but then, what isn’t?!). Without getting too excited here in “public”, on this jointly-run account, I will just say that his legs go on for miles and miles, and his giant hands stand out beautifully against the monochrome outfit.

And, again without spoilers, as he walked down to the very front of the stage and stared out, unseeing, over the heads of the audience, the drama behind him crescendoed and tears glittered in his eyes. At less than ten minutes in, I knew then that we were in the safest of safe (giant) hands, and yet, at the same time, our emotions were going to be played like fiddles.

(Speaking of which, the orchestra, tucked away in an “upstairs room”on the set, were absolutely sublime.)

The show rocks along really well, with honestly no weak performances at all. The ensemble are incredible and one thing that we really admired about this version was the way in which they all seemed to have been given permission to allow elements of their personalities to shine through. Although most of the supporting actors play multiple characters, and those are by no means interchangeable, I still felt that, to a good extent, I was also watching individuals who I knew and cared about from the start.

I must confess that I found that I couldn’t take my eyes off Lindsay whenever she was on stage (which did feel a little like a betrayal, when I was literally wearing a “Jgroffdaily” pin badge 🙄!) - she is just mesmerising: funny, sad, expressive, sympathetic and just a tiny bit broken by life and love. For those who have seen the full London version of the show on YouTube, I felt that this Mary was far less brittle, even from the first scenes, when she could otherwise come across as hard to love. The warmth, humour and humanity of the character came out in spades in Lindsay’s performance, and I was truly floored by her - to the extent that, during the whole of the one song that she sings with Jonathan and Katie Rose, I got to the end and realised that I had been watching solely her throughout, despite the fact that my reason for leaving my family behind (for five days, not forever!) and flying 3,000 miles to NYC, was 12 feet to the right of her on stage. (We are going again on Saturday - I need to make sure that I keep my eyes on Jonathan next time!).

Daniel is also just so good. His American accent is (to my British ears) impeccable, and he has great comic timing and physical comedy. His voice is fantastic, too, and he does an outstanding job with Franklin Shepherd Inc. All in all, I was incredibly impressed by Dan and thought that he more than held his own in the show.

My only slight criticism of the show (which is no reflection whatsoever on the actors) is that I would have liked a little longer to sit with one particularly tragic moment in Act One. Despite being a person who is shaky, giggly and butterflies-in-the-stomach-y at the simple sight of her hero stepping onto a stage, it takes me a few minutes to build up to proper crying, and I felt that I was jolted out of that feeling a little too quickly by the friends’ singing in an attempt to cheer up their heartbroken friend.

Katie Rose and Krystal Joy both had really difficult jobs to do, particularly Katie who is dropped into the show immediately before having to act in a very challenging, emotional scene. Both were stunning and their voices just soared, although Katie’s also cracked with emotion when it needed to, which was incredibly effective and moving.

The little boy who played Frank Junior at tonight’s performance was excellent, and got a lot of love from the audience. As the parent of a seven year old myself, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him and his family to be juggling these late nights and, to be honest, quite a bit of sitting around during the show itself - and all at the age of only just five. They are all doing a great job.

And now for Jonathan. My (our) lovely Jonathan. Well, he absolutely smashed this whole performance right out of the park and over the East River. His voice was impeccable. His acting, as always, was moving, deft and brilliant - and that in a show where, although he is undoubtedly the “lead” character (whatever the order of the names above the title may suggest…), he spends a lot of time staring off stage or standing, stunned, as various other characters shout at him / flirt with him / cry hysterically over him. He does that so well (and if that doesn’t sound like damning with faint praise, I don’t know what does - in my defence it is now past 1am and my body clock thinks it is 6am!).

Potentially controversial point here: I felt that, during a-song-that-will-remain-nameless-for-spoiler-related-reasons (in Act One), Jonathan was not playing the piano himself (ie it was being played by the orchestra, and other instruments then come in behind it), but during Good Thing Going and Who Wants to Live in New York in Act Two, it *was* him playing. It is, however, incredibly hard to tell due to the placement of the piano on the stage, and I would be very interested to hear what others think on this topic.

Overall the show was just stunning. The audience seemed very engaged throughout, and it seems that they were also paying attention, judging by the gasps and laughs at later call-backs to earlier scenes. As he was signing autographs after the show, Dan said that it had been a great audience tonight (he might say that every night, of course!).

I am so glad that I will get to see it again at Saturday’s matinee, as I am sure that there were so many details and nuances (and entire performances of beautiful songs - sorry, Jonathan!) that I missed this time around.

Just a note on the stage door situation. It was all very organised and calm; much more so than I had expected. Dan came along the line to his waiting car, autographing playbills and taking selfies with people as he went, and he seemed just adorable and so pleasant and friendly with everyone. From what I could see, everyone was very respectful and polite, and everyone who wanted something signed seemed to get it. At one point someone shouted out that Merrily is their favourite ever show, and Daniel took time to pick her out of the crowd and thank her personally, saying that they all find it a privilege to be in the show.

Jonathan and Lindsay did not stage door tonight, but apparently “sneaked out the front” (as, of course, they are fully entitled to do). As I don’t think he is likely to come to see the fans at the stage door following a matinee performance, I suspect that I won’t now get a chance to show Jonathan my “jgroffdaily” pin badge - which he may think is for the best!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, Steven Sater was in the audience tonight, sitting behind and to the right of us. I’m sure that he was bursting with pride, to see Jonathan shine as bright as he does.

[artbyblastweave]

Gideon The Ninth Liveread, Chapter 16

This initial sequence is the first time that Gideon has demonstrated real awareness of Harrow’s internality; she identifies frustration, self hatred, “fury at herself rising like Bile.” One goddamn chapter ago, Gideon was incapable of assessing why an anal-retentive perfectionist from a dying house attending a cutthroat state dinner for the first time in her life might be feeling anxious. I think that this is a result of whatever freaky mind-meld they’re doing.

As a side note; “Necromancy,” as the singular overriding magic system, encompasses some stuff that’s not typically lumped in under Necromancy, such as possession and implicitly some degree of biokinesis. I wonder if it’s a cladistic failure, the necromantic applications of magic being discovered first and then swelling to include stuff you generally wouldn’t cram in under that paradigm.

Okay, upon cracking the mind-meld, we enter bossfight mode. Necromantic constructs apparently adhere to crit zone logic. I wonder if it HAS to be that way, or if it’s specific to this construct (which context quickly reveals is in fact part of the game.)

We get two detailed descriptions of Gideon taking out crit spots, then another prose implementation of a montage. In an animated version (the only appropriate way to adapt this) you’d get three or four lovingly detailed hits to a triumphant crescendo, before it devolved into a Samurai-Jack style multi-cam POV of Gideon slashing at the camera.

Okay, the monster drops a box. The box- rather pointlessly- is an electronic affair with a slow count-up to opening rather than something purely mechanical. It’s a Lootbox. This setup was engineered by someone with a strong understanding of co-op games.

Okay, Gideon shouldn’t have been able to see the energy signature; I assume that a door goes two ways, and that she’s getting visual input from Harrow. (Pacific Rim AU. I swear to God, Muir has a fuckin’ checklist)

The visuals on this keep emphasizing that overuse of necromancy leads to hemorrhaging, blood sweat, burst capillaries. Is the logical endpoint a meatsplosion? Will I get to see a necromancer explode? That would be neat. Not for them. Or for anyone standing next to them. 

Our first unabashed, barely-qualified compliment from Harrow. A firsthand experience of what it’s like to Gideon in a fight for her life; of what being a cavalier MEANS. And once again both parties play it down, in tried-and-true enemies to lovers fashion. Focusing in on the specifics of the downplay- which feel a lot like Harrow trying to remind herself of everyone's station- reminds me of a lingering question I’ve had- namely, is EVERYONE in the empire subordinated within a house, or are the houses JUST the ruling class, with a Helot type of underclass? Anyway, my theory that Harrow could have avoided a lot of hassle by just making Gideon feel welcome and wanted swells in its power. Reinforced by the subsequent line-

“It betokened conspiracy, which was normal, except that this one invited Gideon to be part of it. Her eyes glowed with sheer collusion.” I really do want a full looney-toons type of story about the two of them constantly playing cat-and-mouse with each other for 17 years.

“She’d eaten a good meal. She’d won the game. The world seemed less maliciously unfriendly.” This is the last chapter in act 2. I am reading this on a computer blown up to 200 percent text size. I physically cannot see any words below the current paragraph. But I know that they are not good words.

Oh, hey! “Bronchial” passages. Like Lungs. I bet if I went back with a pen and started circling, I’d first off really fuck up my screen, but I think I’d also notice that there’s a very body-centric cast to the description of things due to the cultural implications of so much of everything being modeled off/made using human anatomy. Neat worldbuilding detail.

Magnus and Abigail died

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

AAAAA i REALLY loved 'to the other side' !! i havent read much of your works (i'd like to read more when i have time, especially of rollo hehe) but WOW its so good 😭 the writing style (?) is very fun to read and its like every sentence has an impact on the fic (like it gets better with each sentence?)

the doctor diagnosis part was amusing too! i recently rewatched pinocchio bc of twst and it was a really fun scene to watch~ (this is. completely unrelated but i was surprised at just how many similarities there were between fellow and honest john like phrases or clothing details)

anyway! the point is that i really enjoyed the fic and as someone who is doing writing more (bc of school TT) i find you inspirational,, i also see some of ur other posts on my dash and reading your opinions and thoughts about things is very interesting!

that is all! thank you!

call me pinocchio the way fellow could effortlessly convince me to come to playful land idc if i get scammed he's SO fine-

[Referencing this fic!]

WEH 😭 I’m glad you liked To the Other Side so much!! I hope you get the chance to read my other stuff!! (I recently counted, and I’ve written over 2400 pieces, whether short interactions or long full-fledged fics, for TWST now…) The Rollo interactions have been some of my favorites to do, I’m very happy with those ^^

chisvsjekd You had fun reading the fic? 😌 Then Fellow’s UM must be working on you… Watch out, he’s gonna nab ya for Playful Land— When writing, I tried to capture the essence of crescendoing music from the songs The Greatest Show and The Other Side. They both start soft and progressively grow louder until BOOM there’s an explosion of sound and spectacle. I wanted my fic to invoke a similar feeling, even when it’s just the characters standing around and talking.

I actually haven’t gotten around to watching Disney’s Pinocchio in myself so I had ZERO context going in who Honest John and Gideon were. I referenced some clips of them on Youtube to help me visualize their mannerisms and then superimpose them over Fellow’s and Gidel’s. (It makes sense, given that Fellow and Gidel are twisted from those two!) That’s how I came across the diagnosis scene. I thought it fit so well with Rollo’s Forever Alone and Mad About It personality, so incorporating the diagnosis scene in was so easy to do!

Good luck with your own writing!! I hope you’ll continue to hang out here and enjoy reading my stuff in your free time.

Ah. Fellowife spotted 😂