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venting :-) sorry
#sh tw !!#i am so tired of my mother#last time i saw my therapist i talked about how she drives me insane but still i feel so guilty for getting mad at her because i know she#has issues and literally can not reason but i get so frustrated and exhausted#she took like 9 days off of work to ‘take care of me’ (her words) after my surgery and i didnt ask her to do one thing all these days excep#help me make food and come up with stuff for me to eat bc of my diet rn and thats all#she has been doing her thing all these days like literally just sleeping on the couch and going out with her friends and going shopping and#only made me food herself once (1) in over a week#and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it#i was painting all morning because i am extremely stressed and anxious to make a fucking portfolio to find some work and idk what they thin#i do in my room all day probably sleep but i dont !! im up until 1:30 am working every day even now despite having just had my jaw cut into#pieces and stitched back together#and she went out to the post office for me for a second and then spent the rest of the morning shopping and came back at 12 and had the#audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet#when i literally called her just minutes before to ask her instructions on how to prepare a certain soup for myself and she told me to wait#because she was gonna do it instead#like ???????#and when i told her i had been busy working all morning and that the whole point of her being home from work was that she said she was gonn#make stuff for me she started screaming like an insane person that i was accusing her and it wasnt fair and i was mean and rude and that sh#does EVERYTHING for me and im ungrateful#and when i say my stomach sinks to the floor every time i hear her yelling#it is ingrained into my brain#i have nightmares about her tantrums and her yelling#im so tired#and it always ends with me getting the urge to hurt myself and i want to cry but i cant because my face hurts when i cry and i am not#allowed to blow my nose bc of my surgery so im just here. swallowing all of this once again
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Eggs
summary: badboy! changbin if you squint
words: 7k
warnings: one mention of death by illness
a/n: this took way too long cause i got so lazy lmfao, slide into my inbox with prompts cause idk what to write after this
not edited per usual, im lazy :(((
you and changbin lived in different worlds
changbin has always been the schools most notorious bad boy
along with his group, 3racha
he was the typical bad boy -- gets into fights, wears leather, barely shows up to class, etc.
after watching countless of rom-coms, you and i, reader, should know that bad boys like to keep to themselves
and they won't bother you unless you cross their territory, not at all different from changbin
someone bullies one of his friends???
you might as well run now , because he will be coming for your ass
he catches you talking shit?
you should probably say goodbye to your mouth and have a doctors appointment ready
the point im trying to make is that seo changbin does not take shit from anyone
which doesn't really matter at this point because everyone has learned to fear him
on the other hand, you're, what they say is a “good girl”
too caught up with your books and your grades, in the library 24/7, worrying too much about the future you envision
you stayed away from drama as much as possible, happy with the 2-3 friends that you have
and,,,
well,,,
you probably saw this coming,, but just in case you didnt, ill say it
your two different worlds are about to collide
---------------
youve been searching for a little over 20 minutes to where he could be when you finally spotted him at the table all way in the back of the library
you let out the deepest sigh, you shouldve figured he would choose that table jfc
‘he really is sticking to his reputation’ you think to yourself as you made your way over to him
“hi, im y/n, i'm your tutor,” you say, giving him a soft smile
changbin doesn't even bother to reply to you as he got up and left
you were left standing there like,,,
what the fuck just happened ??
before you finally snapped out of your confused trance and chased after him
catching up to him you grab his arm, putting a complete halt to his movement
and suddenly the library was even quieter than it should be
every single eye in the room focused on the interaction that lies in front of them
the notorious bad boy and the goody two shoes,,, how incredibly cliche
he looks at you, his eyes dark and unreadable
the expression on his face was emotionless yet it felt like he was crushing you under his stare
finally noticing that your hand was still gripped around his arm, you quickly let go, letting out a small “ehem”
the tension in the air was thick, it felt like someone just put a dark cloud above your head and you couldn’t blow it away
god damn this was awkward
not even the good awkward where you can laugh about it later, this is the kind of awkward situation that hits you in the middle of the night and suddenly you're just cringing at every bad thing you have done in the past
“uhm, im suppose to tutor you,” you try to say confidently as soon as you found your voice, but really it was barely above a whisper
“maybe show up on time,” he says, his voice as dark and as strong as his aura
and with one final look at you, he walked out of there
you didnt bother anymore, you knew you were at fault
‘we’ll try again tomorrow,’ you think to yourself before your best friend, hyunjin walked up to you, pulling you outside the library
“dude are you okay?”
“uhmm, why wouldn’t i be?”
“i just saw you talking to changbin”
“ok and ?”
“he’s bad news y/n,” your best friend says, warning you
“ i dont really have a choice hyunjin” you reply
you think back to 3 days ago when you were called to the principal's office
not gonna lie, you were shaking in your boots,, only bad kids get randomly sent to the principal's office
as you entered the room, Mrs. Seo was already waiting for you behind her desk
“hi ms. l/n, i dont think weve formally met,” she says, reaching out to shake your hand
“ its nice to meet you”
“ please, sit down, make yourself comfortable,” she continued, pointing to the seat right in front of her
sensing your nervousness she quickly added a, “don't worry, you're not in trouble”
phew
your brain was starting to hurt from trying to rack what you must have done wrong to be seated in the big office
“ why am i here then if you don't mind me asking?”
“ ah yes, i need you to tutor my son”
,,,,,
oh
(◎_◎;)
,,,
“umm, why me?”
“you're top 1 in the class, is there anyone better than you to do it?”
well,,, she wasn't wrong
you mentally pat yourself at the back for this, happy that your efforts were being noticed
“don't worry ms. l/n, if you succeed, i’ll make sure you get into any college that you desire “
‘pshhhh, im top 1 ms seo, i can do that on my own’ you think to yourself
“....and fully paid for.”
well, shit , how can you say no to that offer
its literally free education right in your fingertips
what's the catch??
“ you can do that?” you ask
“ of course. i know very important people. so what do you say?”
and after a few minutes of contemplating within yourself, you finally agreed
“ also, while you're at it, i want you to change my son's reputation.”
and there it is
“ i'm sorry?” you reply,, maybe you just misheard the fact that she literally asked you to change her son
“ i don't just want you to tutor him in english, i want you to make him a better person.”
“how do you expect me to do that?”
“be his friend. teach him the ways of life, i'm not always gonna be around to get him out of trouble. You're a smart girl ms. l/n you'll figure it out.”
without giving you a final say, she ushered you out of there but not before she added
“ one last thing ms. l/n, dont tell anyone about this.”
the way she said it was so scary, and its like a spell was casted on you and you could only utter out an
“ of course mam”
i guess from her standpoint, she made sense
“ i just dont understand why Mrs. Seo chose you out of all the people”
“ we’ve already gon over this hyunjin”
“ yeah yeah, its cause youre the smartest of the class-”
hyunjin continues to talk however you’ve tuned him out as your eyes went to focus on changbin, himself
greeting the rest of his friends, an actual smile on his face, much different from the changbin you encountered a couple minutes ago
he gets up on his motorcycle and was about ready to put his helmet on when he felt someone staring at him ( i told yall, tYpiCAl bad boy )
he whips his head around in quick search for the culprit
and for the second time that day, you found yourself looking in the dark brown eyes of the the one and only, seo changbin
his smile quickly disappearing once he found your eyes
putting on his helmet whilst still maintaining the eye contact, he quickly drove away and you can't help but continue to just watch his figure retreat to the size of a dot until he was completely away from your line of vision
the next day - friday
you were in the library, seated in the table changbin used the day before
unlike yesterday, you were there dummy early
exactly 30 minutes before the actual tutoring session
he wasn't going to get away this time
finally , the chair across from you gets occupied, a backpack loudly flopping its way unto the table
he doesn't say a word,
he doesn't even look at you
he just sits there, staring at the table between you guys
“uhm, i think we got on the wrong foot yesterday, im y/n”
you say, a wide smile on your face, trying to change the atmosphere
he scoffs at this
‘omyfuckinggod who does he think he is’
‘im gonna fucking murder this kid’
‘his mom was right when he said he needed to change’
as much as you wanted to just punch him in the face, you plastered a small smile on your face instead
“should we start?” you continue
“i guess”
for the next hour, you learn that changbin doesn’t even need tutoring
he was definitely smarter than he lead on
he knew the answer to every single question you asked and didnt even seem like he was trying
“uhmm, changbin can i ask you something?”
he just nods at you, urging you to go on
“are you failing your class on purpose?”
and with that he stands up, giving you a small smirk, “i think this session is over,”
“i-okay- i-i’ll see you on monday!” you say even though he was already a good 5 feet away from you
-----------
as you laid in your bed that night, you wondered why the boy chose to fail his class
but no matter what scenario you could think of, you just cant understand it
is this what privileged people do ?
they know that they can get away with anything so they dont even try ?
‘aish, why am i thinking about him,’
‘y/n stop it’
‘ahhhhh’
you tried forcing yourself to sleep, to completely shut off all thoughts
but damn that stupid smirk on his face just keeps reappearing
and with that you slapped your pillow unto your face, not at all excited for the days to come
saturday night - 9 pm
to be honest, you weren't the type to go out on a saturday night
however you stayed in bed the whole day binging your netflix shows that you completely forgot to run your errands
so now you're here, at the local supermarket, buying your weekly groceries
you may be asking why can't your parents just do it?
well,,,
you only live with your mom, and she was very busy running the night shift at the hospital + picking up extra shifts
so she's really never home
and when she is, she crashes right to sleep, exhausted from work
so ever since two years ago, when you turned 16, this has been the life that you were used to
you weren't complaining of course, she was only working to provide for you and your future
the least you could do is help around the house
after a good 7 minutes, you finally gathered everything that you needed
eggs, check
bread, check
peanut butter, check
a bag of hot cheetos,,,, check check and check
you nodded, proud of yourself for finishing it so fast and made your way to your car until a loud crash stops you from doing so
the next thing you know, you were being dragged into the alleyway
“1!!!!1111! I- get off of me,” you say thrashing and kicking, trying to get away
‘oh god, im gonna die tonight,’
‘if there is a god out there,, pls,,, not tonight’
‘i haven't finished my netflix series yet,, plssss’
however your thoughts were cut short when your captor whispered, “shhh, its changbin”
changbin??
chaNgbIN???
chANGBIN???
he finally turns you around, making you face him
“play along if you don't want to get hurt,”
and in one quick motion, his lips were on yours,,,
seo changbin was kissing you
your eyes open, stunned at what was happening
and then you noticed it...5 men walking around the area
and hoping that you've watched the right dramas, you pieced together what you think is happening
leading you to closing your eyes and kissing him back
which honestly caught changbin off guard, “good girls” dont react this way???
but he’d never let you know that, as he pulled you closer to him,
his arms snaking around your waist
your hands going around his neck, the grocery bag being forgotten
yall were full on making out now
too caught up with each other’s taste to even notice the 5 guys leaving
(((im really bad at writing these kinds of scenes jfc, this sounds awkward as hell pls just picture it)))
until finally after like 23823 years, you pulled away, trying to catch your breath
damn, that kiss was good
probably the best one you’ve ever had
what????
just cause you're a goody-two-shoes doesn't mean you haven't been kissed before okay,,, were not going THAT cliche
he slowly lets go of you, his eyes darting to the grocery bag on the ground
“your eggs are broken,” he says
“m-my eggs?”, you reply, still on cloud nine,
following his gaze, you snapped out of your daze
“oh, r-right, my eggs,” you say softly, a frown making its way upon your face
changbin grabs your hand, pulling you towards the grocery store
“what are you doing?”
as usual, he doesn’t reply
honestly, you should be used to this by now
he dashes around the supermarket
you were right behind him, trying to keep up with his fast paced speed
finally, he gets to his location, the egg aisle
“which one do you want?”
“what?”
“eggs, which one?” he replies
“uhm, you don't have to, i can ju-”
“i'm not doing this for you,” he replies, cutting you off
you looked at him , not knowing what he meant
‘if he wasn't doing it for me then who the fuck is he buying these eggs for, i don't see anyone else here’
sensing your dumbness he grabbed a carton of the most expensive eggs and made his way to the cashier, pulling you along
and you don't know why, or what has gotten into you, but all you could do was watch and follow
“here. were even now.” he says, before walking away, leaving you in front of the grocery store, holding a carton of eggs
monday
and now we’re back to the start of the week
which means another week of tutoring
as you waited for changbin to show up at the usual spot, you can’t help but think back to two nights ago
the feeling of his lips against yours all a distant memory yet at the same time, one that you could still remember clearly
“hey,” changbin says, breaking you out of your thoughts
“hi?” you reply, confused as to why he even greeted you in the first place
you guys do the usual, read a couple of flash cards, learn new words blah blah blah and all that boring crap that you learn in a high school English class
at one point you guys find yourself just sat in silence, and you can’t help but ask the question that’s been on your mind since Saturday night
“so who were those guys?”
“doesn’t concern you”
“uhm, the fact that you had your tongue down my mouth says otherwise,”
changbin was shocked, he wasn’t used to people responding to him the way you just did
don’t you know who he is???
he gives you one of his signature smirks, regaining his composure
“you liked my tongue being down your throat,” he says teasingly
o_O
<(。_。)>
excuse me what
is he flirting with you ??
what’s happening ??
“who said I did?” you say mimicking his tone, not allowing yourself to back down of this conversation
after Saturday night you told yourself that you were never going to just watch and follow
if you didn’t want the damn egg, you should’ve said something, you were so disappointed in yourself
you had your own brain, you can make your own decisions
besides you were here to be in control over him, not the other way around
“oh cmon, you’re really gonna try to refute it??” he says, the stupid smirk still evident on his stupid face
god, how you wish you could just smack it off
with your mouth
wait, who said that???
“you enjoyed it just as much as I did,” you say, knowing that if you answer then he would stop
and you were right, he completely shut his mouth and let the silence envelop you once again
“they were kids from another school,”
you look up at him, shocked that he actually answered
“why were they looking for you?”
“I may have keyed their car,” he says chuckling
“Because?”
“Isn’t that enough questions y/n?”
y/n
that was the first time he’s ever said your name
and you weren’t gonna lie, you liked how it sounded
“sorry”
“it’s fine”
“i don’t want to question it but why are you being so nice?”
“you helped me out without questioning me which means you trust me. im just returning the favor.”
“so, what im hearing is , you trust me?”
<( ̄︶ ̄)>
“don’t make me have to say it out loud”
trust
you don’t know how you did it so quickly,
maybe the gods are at your side, but you finally got thE seo changbin to trust you
2 weeks later
you’ve been tutoring changbin just the same
same time
same table
same library
however, so much has changed
mostly the dynamic of your guys’ relationship
it was like he was a totally different person
like I said before, changbin was smart
but in these last couple of days, you realized just how smart he actually was,
he can honestly probably give you a run for your money
and because of this, your past tutoring sessions have ended up with you guys just laughing and joking around
weird, right ?
changbin and laughing ?
who would’ve thought ??
even onlookers were surprised
and everytime changbin laughed at one of your guys’ silly antics, you swear you can hear a pin drop
the whole room just becomes silent
at first, it bothered you how people were just listening in to your conversation, obviously judging the scene
but as the days went by and it seemed that changbin could care less, you started not caring either
and if you were being completely honest, you looked forward to spending time with him
when changbin was with you, it was just you and changbin, nothing else
he somehow manages to make you forget about reality
“lets ditch tutoring sessions today,” he says as soon as he took the seat next to you
“changbin, no”
“c’mon y/n, live a little”
“excuse you! I do have a life!”
“making out with your homework and watching Netflix shows 24/7 is not a life”
“okAy, now you’re just being mean,” you say, pouting at him
“im not being mean, I’m being honest,”
“yeAH and?? no one asked for your honesty,”
changbin laughs at this
lately he found himself laughing more
and for once, he didn’t mind it
you were doing something to him
and he liked it
“cmon, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he says, packing up your things
you sigh in defeat
you know that once changbin sets his mind to something, there's no changing it
so here you are, standing in front of an abandoned music building
“uhhhh, what are we doing here?”
“have you ever trespassed before?” he replies, a smug smile on his face
“nu-uh nope, no way in hell changbin!” you say, your attempt to stop this from happening
however, changbin was already making his way towards the door, completely breaking the lock
aannnndd
he was inside
“c’mon y/n,” he says reaching out his hand to yours
even though all you need to do is take two steps forward and you're officially a criminal
you were scared shitless
what happens if you get caught omg
almost like he was reading your mind, he quickly says, “y/n, ive been here over a million times and ive never gotten caught,”
“i dont know changbin”
“hm, thats too bad, i wanted to share a secret with you,” he says, a hint of playfulness in his voice before he stepped out of the building and made his way towards his motorcycle
but of course,,,
you being a nosy bitch
“wait,”
“yes?”
“lets go inside”
you guys enter the building, the rooms getting darker and darker the deeper you go (this building is huge okAY)
if you weren't shitting your pants before, you definitely are now
an abandoned building???
and its dark???
youve seen this in every scary movie out there
it never goes well
“uhm changbin,” you whisper, as you guys continue to walk
“hm”
“i-um can i hold your hand? im scared and - actually you know what its fine its dumb you dont hav-”
but before you can even finish your sentence, his hand were already laced around yours, providing you the comfort and security that you were looking for
you shut your mouth after that, just letting changbin lead the way
passing by so many rooms, each one looking the same as the other, it was starting to feel like a maze
however , changbin seemed to know exactly where to go
‘I guess he has been here over a million times’ you thought to yourself
“were here,” he says, opening the door and letting go of your hands as he reached out for the lights
not gonna lie, you were missing the way his hand felt around yours but thats not the time to think about that
“a music room?” you asked, clearly puzzled
“yeah, you might not know this about me but i can spit barsss,” he says, letting out chuckle
“eyE”
“you dont believe me huh”
“absolutely not”
“ok, watch this”
and with that he entered the recording booth, of course not after he pressed a bunch of buttons
honestly , you have no idea what he’s doing
but as soon as he put the headphones on
*cue any 3racha song because im too indecisive to choose one*
he was,,
indeed,,,
spitting bars
you could not believe your ears
who the fuck is this
you stood there, stunned at the fact the he was rapping about real shit and not something stupid and meaningless (rip wow, she is meaNinGFUL to me okAY)
after he finished rapping, the room was absolute silent
changbin felt dumb, he thought you were gonna praise him but there you were not uttering a single word,
he need you to say something ,anything,, hell, you can even laugh
he’d prefer anything over the silence
he’s literally the ‘i just showed u my dick pls respond’ meme but its like ‘i showed u my talent pls validate me’
avoiding to make eye contact with you, he walks out of the recording booth
sitting on the couch against the wall, he finally breaks the silence
“so yeah, thats a song my friends and i wrote, its stupid-”
“its not stupid.” you say quickly
“oh?”
“since when where you into this?” you ask, curiosity filling your eyes, taking the seat right next to him
“what do you mean? music?? everyone’s into music y/n” changbin retorts, not wanting to go into detail
“hhhh, you know what i mean changbin,”
changbin doesnt know why
but he wanted to share this side of him with you
maybe because you were the first person that he has ever allowed himself to be close with
or maybe it was because you stuck around him for this long, no one, besides chan and jisung were able to do that
whatever it was, he wants to keep you by his side
he figured that showing you his true self would do just that
so after having a battle with his inner thoughts, he finally says
“my dad was really into this stuff, he taught me everything i know,” changbin beamed
“oh! thats really cool, do you still make music with him?” you say, genuinely interested, youve never really heard about his dad before
“uhmm, hes not really around for me to do that,”
aaaannd,,, thats why,, god reader smh
“oh, im sorry,” you say softly, mentally slapping yourself
“no its okay, you didnt know….he passed away when i was 11”
“what happened?,,,, y-you dont have to tell me if you dont want to,” you quickly added
“I want to,” changbin says, reassuring you
“he just,,, he just died in his sleep, apparently it was a stroke,” sighing, he looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back his tears
“you must miss him,” you say, your voice still soft
for the first time since youve met changbin, he resembled a piece of glass
so fragile
he was giving you a piece of him, letting you see clearly a part of who he was
and all you wanna do is make sure that you won’t break that piece
“he built this studio...wanted to start his own music company,” he continued as you sat there just listening to him
“my mom hates it though, she stopped funding this place as soon as she can,”
oh
the mention of his mom suddenly brought you back to the deal that you have made 2 weeks ago
and god, you felt guilty
you were here, trying to change him, when nothing should be changed
sure seo changbin had a bad reputation but he is not bad
he’s just protective is all
to be honest, he was one of the kindest, gentlest soul you have met
“i promised myself that i would continue our dream, for him and me, but mostly for him,”
“i-is that why youre failing your classes?” you ask, everything finally piecing together
“huh?”
“you dont care about school because you already know what you want to do...where you want to be”
“hm, you truly are a smart girl y/n,” he says before nodding and flashing you a smile
those words
so similar to the ones his mom has given you
but this time you weren't in the mood to pat yourself in the back
because shit, this is thE dumbest thing you've ever done in your life
after hearing this, you made up your mind, you werent gonna partake in this deal anymore
if you were really as smart as everyone says, you can get into the school you want without any problem
sure it won't be free, but your mom aint working her ass off during her nightly shifts for nothing
and so, right when you go to school tomorrow, you were determined to end it
you’d still tutor changbin, you just won't accept any of the perks that came along with it
“thank you for sharing this with me,” you say genuinely, a smile creeping unto your face
“thank you for caring enough to listen,” changbin replies, his smile getting wider
and then it hits you,
“wait, so you mean to tell me that this is YOUR studio all along??”
and at this changbin lets out the loudest laugh
and you can't help but mirror his actions
1 week later
oof, that time jump, i thought you were gonna end it the next day reader
welp,,
you work hard, but somehow satan, aka the author, works harder
Mrs. Seo had to leave for two weeks, attending board meetings around the country, and whatever principals do,,, i'm too lazy to research what they actually do
╥﹏╥
and so you spent another week, with seo changbin by your side
one week down, another to go
and when that day comes, you can finally freely hang out with him without all the guilt eating you up
this week you guys even hung out outside of the library
you’ve been with him so much, even your friends have started to notice it
“y/n, are you coming with us to the movies,” felix asks
“oh,, umm sorry guys, i cant,”
“who else are you gonna be with? i thought we were your only friends,” minho pointed out, a pout on his face
“with changbin of course,” hyunjin hissed, obviously upset that you have been pushing them to the side
“ i can hang out with anyone that i want,” you argued, really not having any of his attitude
“ you shouldnt hang out with people like him,” hyunjin retorted
you scoffed, “what’s that supposed to mean?”
“i mean blink once if youre being held captive” hyunjin joked, as the rest of the table snickered
however, you didn't find it funny,
who were they to talk about changbin like that??
they didnt even know him
and so you stood up, leaving all your friends calling out for you
-------------
walking to the table, you flopped down on your chair, slamming your backpack on the floor
“what's got you in such a bad mood?” changbin asks
“nothing,” you huffed, getting your materials out of your backpack
you didn't want to tell changbin that your best friends think hes the devil himself and didn't want you around him
meanwhile , changbin was annoyed
it seems like he's shared so much with you since the music room yet he still barely knows anything about you
he wondered that maybe you didn't want to be in his life the way he wanted to be in yours
but fuck it, he’s just gonna spend the time he has with you enjoying it rather than filling his mind with negative thoughts
but damn, you're frown was really bothering him
“y/n,” he says, calling out to you
no response
“y/n,” he continues, poking you on the elbow
still no response
“y/n”
You sigh, looking up at him, an emotionless expression on your face, you responded with a strong, “what.”
*insert changbin doing aegyo*
and with that , you lost it
you were an absolute madman
you never expected that the one and only seo changbin
notorious badboy
would ever do aegyo
all because you had a stupid frown on yourself
you laughed so loud
changbin doing the same as soon as your melodic laugh hit his ears
which resulted to you guys being kicked out of the library
-------------
“ i cant believe you got me kicked out of my favorite place,” you say, seated in a booth inside the ice cream parlor near your guys’ school
another one of changbins ideas
“ hey its not my fault you laugh like a hyena!” he says smiling before you threw a curled up paper tissue at his face
a couple of seconds later, after your laughter has died down
“ so, you want to tell me now why you were in such a sour mood?”
you knew that if you werent gonna tell him now that would still end up finding out about it from someone else
and so you came clean
“ its just my friends,,,, they dont think youre a good influence, wants me to stop hanging out with you” you say
“ oh,”
“ but dont worry!, i didnt listen to them, i actually told them off,” you confessed
“ why didnt you listen to them? theyve been your friends longer than youve known me?” he asks
“ because they dont know you” you reply, “and im sure if they did, they would also be friends with you”
as much as he appreciated the way you stood up for him, he didnt want you going through all that trouble
‘god, what did he even do to deserve an angel like you,’ changbin thinks to himself
“ don't tell them off next time,” he grunted
“ wh-what?”
“ everything they say about me is true”
“ changbin, no its not”
“ honestly y/n it doesnt bother me so dont let it bother you”
“ why doesnt it bother you?” you ask, wanting to know the reason
“ because its high school. after this, literally no one would care anymore. and then real life starts, people move on and worry about bigger things, things that actually matter more than the status quo. let them say what they say.”
and just like every other time, changbin has left you stunned
the arrival of Ms. Seo - tuesday
a week has passed since the ice cream parlor
and Ms. Seo was back in town
this was it
the day you finally put a halt to it
and you were beyond ready
you haven't seen changbin all day
you figured that since his mom was back then he was also back to avoiding the school like it was a plague
you entered Ms. Seos room, determined
“Ms. Seo -”
She puts a hand up to her lips, signaling you to be quiet
‘bitch omygod i literally cant keep doing this any longer,’
‘its already been over a month’
so you ignored her warning
“im not doing this deal anymore. I’ll still tutor changbin but I won’t change him,,,, and you can keep your stupid money,” you let out, releasing all the bottled up emotions
“is that all,”she replies
“yes”
“then you may leave”
what???
it was that easy????
you thought she was gonna stop you, force you to hold your end of the bargain
if you knew it would’ve been this easy then you wouldn’t have worried over it so much
but you don’t know a lot of things
and you certainly didnt know that changbin was on the other line
later that day
you’re seated in the library
usual place, usual time, waiting for the one and only seo changbin, yet he never showed
you didn’t think much of it
‘maybe he just forgot’ you tell yourself
the next day - wednesday
here you were again, waiting for him
still nothing
you try and think of reasons why he wouldn’t show up two days in a row and can really only think of one - maybe his mom told him that he didn’t need tutoring anymore?
but surely, he would tell you
right ???
sure you guys started off on the wrong foot but you were friends now
at least you thought so
you decided to just give him the benefit of the doubt
‘maybe he’s just busy’
2 days later - friday
you’ve tried everything you can do to get a hold of changbin
all your calls went straight to voicemail
texts were left on delivered
you didn’t even see him around school anymore
it was like your worlds never collided and he was never a part of yours
you were starting to get worried, what if he got himself into trouble
“look who decided to show her face,” hyunjin comments as you took the seat next to him
ever since the day you guys had your argument, you have never been able to talk to him about it
“im not in the mood,” you reply,
hyunjin sensing that you were exhausted,
“hey,” he says softly, “what’s wrong?”
“nothing”
“y/n please, we’ve been friends for over 3 years, you don’t need to lie to me”
“aren’t you mad at me?”
“no. im upset that you’ve been pushing us to the side for your little boy toy but im not mad,” he says giving you a soft smile
hhhhh, it was times like these you remember why he was your best friend
hyunjin was just so thoughtful, so caring
you return the smile he gave you as you pulled him in for a tight hug
“I’m sorry hyunjin”
“it’s okay, im sorry too, now tell me what’s wrong?”
“it’s just changbin-“
“I swear to god, if he even laid a finger on you he’s a dead man”
“no!” you say quickly putting an end to his assumption
“so what happened?” he asks, eyebrows going up in sheer curiosity
and then you told him
you told him about the deal with Ms. seo
about how your relationship with changbin changed along the way
how you ended the deal
and now we’re back to changbin and ignoring you
“damn, well have you tried actually going to him?”
“i wouldnt even know where -”
and then it hits you
the abandoned music building
“hyunjin, youre a genius!!!,” you say excitedly
“thanks, we been knew”
“ i have to go ill explain later, bye!!” you say, dashing out of there as fast as you could and made your way to the abandoned building
taking the bus there gave you time to reflect on everything that has happened this past couple month
how much your life has changed since changbin entered it
he pushed you to take risks, to live out of your comfort zone, to not care about other people’s opinions
he made you feel free
and most importantly, he made you happy
the good girl has fallen for the bad boy, i told yall this was gonna be cliche right?
continuing on
just as you expected, the door was open
the dark didnt even bother you anymore, the only thing in your mind was changbin
oh,, where could he be??
could you ever find your way into this maze of a building and retrace the steps that he took when he was by your side?
as you got deeper and deeper into the building, you feel yourself start to get lost
‘fuck i already saw this door’
‘omg y/n did you really just walk in a circle’
and then you hear it
music, singing
your nightingale
you walk faster, desperate to get to the voice
and here you are now, face to face with the one and only, seo changbin
he stops singing as soon as he saw you walk in
“hey,” you whisper out yet he continued to just stand there, not uttering a single word
“your voice is really pretty, i didnt know you could sing!-”
“what do you want?” his voice, dark and firm just like the day you first met him
This caught you off guard
Did you do something wrong?
“Did i do something wrong?” you say, not aware that you have said your thoughts out loud
changbin chuckles but it was so uninviting, like he was taunting you
“ please, drop the act”
?????
“what?” you reply, completely confused
“ you dont like me ”
“ changbin, what?”
“ you're just like everyone else”
“ changbin i really dont understand pl-”
“ i shouldn't have trusted you.”
“ what?!??, no changbin, you can trust me! just tell me whats wrong!”
all the while, you guys were still talking with a glass between the two of you
ironic, since you felt like a wall has been planted around changbin and you cant reach him
“ you think i should change”
“ no”
“ what do you mean no? I heard you y/n! I heard what you told my mom, i heard about the stupid deal, the stupid money!”
(⊙…⊙,)
“ changbin, let me explain”
“ i know im known as the bad boy y/n, but you… youre even worse than me”
“ changbin.”
“ youre a monster”
and with hearing those words, the tears that you have been so desperately trying to keep just bursted out like a waterfall
changbin too, has let out his tears
and all we got now are two broken people who can clearly see each other yet are still on opposite sides of the glass
“ you're just like everyone out there that you have resented, you judged me by other people’s words, i thought- i thought that i can finally found someone i could open up to but you never even gave me chance from the beginning”
you let him talk without interrupting him
you deserved the ache you were feeling in your heart
everything he said was true
and with that he breaks down, straight to the floor, back against the wall, hugging his knees
and all you could do was watch, until you couldn't take it anymore
you finally entered the recording booth , taking a seat on the floor right next to him, mimicking his broken figure
“im sorry”
silence
you looked up at the ceiling as you sighed
he deserves an explanation
“ yes, i took the deal, but that's because i thought i needed it changbin. I may be smart, but financially my family isn't doing well. my mom already works extra shifts but it still won't be enough. my dad isnt even in the picture, i dont know where the hell he is”
and with this, changbins head slowly perks up, looking at you with his glass-like eyes, as you continued to stare at the ceiling
you were finally opening up to him
just like how he has been doing
“ i took the deal because, you’re right, i judged you, i was stupid and i never expected us to actually be friends, clearly i was wrong. you have taught me so much. you have pushed me into doing things i never thought i could do. you made me see the world in a different way.”
he’s still just listening to you when you finally took your eyes away from the ceiling and faced him
“ i understand if you dont want to see me anymore but i cant leave you knowing that i never got to say this,” you continue, afraid of the results that were about to come
“ what else are you hiding from me?” he says, but this time, he says it softly, the furious changbin that you have encountered just minutes ago was completely gone
“ i think im in love with you,” you say, quickly looking down, embarrassed at your confession
“ y/n look at me,”
“ i dont want to”
“ why?”
“ i know you're gonna break my heart”
“ you broke mine first,” and with that he lifted your chin up, making you look him straight into his eyes before kissing you
this kiss was different from your first one
it was slow but passionate, filled with all of the unsaid words between the two of you
your guys lips both slightly chapped from all the crying
yet his lips still felt like the softest pair against yours
pulling away, changbin leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed
yours were open though, taking the sight all in before you pulled away, wiping away his left over tears
“ god, were a mess,” he finally says out loud, before he pulled you in a tight hug
“ im sorry,” you say again
“ i’ll forgive you if you promise to continue tutoring me?”
“ what ?”
“ continue the deal, get the money”
“ changbin, i really don't want to do that”
“ i know you dont. but we have to finesse my mom somehow,” he says, bursting into a smile, clearly joking
…
..
“eYE,,, i cannot believe you right now! You can't be serious!”
“ but i am. go back into her office tell her you’ll continue it and get the money for your education.”
“changbin! stop joking! I already feel bad about it!”
“Okay fine i just like it when you tutor me okay, its kinda sexy” he says
playfully slapping him, you guys laugh, the tension in the air finally gone
“ you know if you didnt buy me those eggs, we wouldnt be here by now,” you say, a small smile on your face
“ hmm, and why?”
“ because those eggs were the first time i realized that the most notorious bad boy, the one and only Seo Changbin, can also be soft,”
“ do not use my name and soft in the same sentence ever again,”
“ what are you gonna do about it?” you reply, taunting him
and so
he pulled you into another kiss
and another
and another
until a series of laughter coming from the both of you interrupted it
“im glad i bought you those eggs”
hhhhhhh this ending is so rushed and so bad i just didnt wanna leave it unfinished
ALSO IM SEEING STRAY KIDS BITCHES!!!!!,,,,,, MY SEAT HELLA FAR BUTS ITS OKAY BECAUSE ILL STILL BE THERE ╭(′▽`)╭(′▽`)╯
#stray kids#stray kids au#stray kids x reader#stray kids x you#seo changbin#seo changbin au#seo changbin scenario#stray kids changbin#changbin#changbin au#stray kids imagine#stray kids scenarios#stray kids scenario#seo changbin x reader#seo changbin x you#stray kids soft#stray kids angst#stray kids fluff#seo changbin fluff#seo changbin angst#3racha#lee felix#lee minho#lee know#hwang hyunjin
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so fing tired of resting - it exhausts me doing nothing trynna sleep takes hours - sometimes like a guilty party - to get 30 minutes - k gess im done whining - prudence dont come natural
straight up tho - im a bit - depressed - that cant b healthy - finally figure out how long recovery more or less take - 6 months - after much research which comes to the conclusion - it varies - brain flash - dentists in general wont even clean teeth until 6 months after - u dont get lots of psych shit from the dentist - nobody uses faith healing to fill a cavity - they just dont want ppl dying in the chair ( and suing ) and seems for 6 months theres a risk of - thatz not y im depressed - i nose i am lazy as fuck but not that extreme - i like washing dishes running errands but doing almost nothing but trynna sleep and failing ( u whining again and iterating as well ) not even lissening much to music
so the ACE inhibitor - finally did nuff research to decide it prob b not needed and at least part of problems - yah imma wait - 6 months after and tawk 2 a doc like 1 w an md or 3 b4 i do a take 5 break n see wat happen
it all catches up to me (the national)
hey t - try “its my own fault “ bb king
another one (editors) bites the dust :) but they rite azza box of rain
but its my (pity) party and i whine if i want to - it is so much more entertaining w ducks
the hospital hedfonz r dying not surprising - remember antennas
dont u hatez it when i dont make sense - ffs sometimes i dont know any1 still reed me - dont getz me rong i aint modest - onna good day but there aint many lately maybe i writez some good line
so dew u wonder which come 1st - the song or the line and operations order - no - ok then but i still gonna post a paul simon w/o explanation then if it dont matter - if i hear a clamor however
i dont remember the last time i saw the moon - not tonight - rain more likely ( no not till well after i woulda been home - still no raincoat the season sposed to b over )
wuz gonna pen a line about dux and how much more fun life could b if we inserted one everywhere we could and realized the implication - no not physical ducks - i like ducks an i likes quacking - not as much as playing guitar say but maybe more than singing sometimes - i would b getting reddy steady if i was go - told vita i playing saturday if it kill me - she maybe got a little angry - take me literally
i dont understand ice hockey but air at an arcade w a nephew was ok long ago
tbh - idk where THAT come from - i mean its true and all but apropos of nothing i can think of - did u like me better when i deleted more often b4 posting
i should stop now
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1-100 TELL ME ALL
Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well
1. What is you middle name?
Jesse
2. How old are you?
22
3. When is your birthday?
dec 9
4. What is your zodiac sign?
sagittarius
5. What is your favorite color?
purples
6. What’s your lucky number?
9
7. Do you have any pets?
no
8. Where are you from?
bc canada. my great grandparents are from russia
9. How tall are you?
5 something
10. What shoe size are you?
7?
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
3 that i actually use
12. What was your last dream about?
i dont remember my most recent one but i had a banger of a dream i described in another post
13. What talents do you have?
i think expressing myself, or music, i have some talent that needs discipline
14. Are you psychic in any way?
well i am a spiritual person, in a way. and growing up in a toxic drama filled family, i have Developed the Skill of guessing how people are feeling and what they are gonna do. and i analyze dreams. so not psychic but i am really interested and intuitive whats goin on in there
15. Favorite song?
for some reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilVq8-F4_Q colours by roosevelt ive been obsessed with lately i just loop that shit. loop loop loop. blaringit into my ears and speedwalking down thestreet. the beat.!!!! i feel like I took all the colours
16. Favorite movie?
spiderverse. i really enjoyed always be my maybe.
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
someone who doesnt make me feel like im Too Much
18. Do you want children?
not RIGHT NOW
19. Do you want a church wedding?
i have no idea actually. id want a special wedding definitely.
20. Are you religious?
yes, i honestly feel like i just come like this, i dont go by any books and i dont want to be associated with christians. if i be too religious i start getting the Bad Feelings
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
yes visiting sick relatives. and one in a psyche ward.
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
i got a parking ticket
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
no. maybe i did and i had no idea who they were because id never heard of them
24. Baths or showers?
showers.
25. What color socks are you wearing?
alien socks that are green and black
26. Have you ever been famous?
no. what does that even mean !!!!
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
yes because money but noooooo. its hard when one person definitely doesnt like me. if im famous some people just wont like me and theres going to be more of them
28. What type of music do you like?
stuff with electric guitars in it. funk. bops. i cant get enough lately
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
no
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
one. and sometimes NONE. i dont fucking know why its just more comfortable. id lie down on a floor and pass out
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
i usually cant fall asleep unless im on my face with my arms tucked under me for warmpth and general log shape. after that though its chaos. dreamin
32. How big is your house?
BIG!!!!!! so many rooms. so many people.
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
on a Functional day, cereal. not because its my favourite thing but it doesnt require a lot of attention and its easiest to tolerate. my appetite is just. like this
34. Have you ever fired a gun?
HELL no.
35. Have you ever tried archery?
in my child days i shot my hair elastics around and pretended i was fighting aliens. this is definitely archery.
36. Favorite clean word?
i dont really think about words like that. pizza is a nice word.
37. Favorite swear word?
bitch. its really fun to say.
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?
not all that long. if i was up the entire night i am usually sleeping in midday no matter where i am. ive disappointed many teachers. its called not caring.
39. Do you have any scars?
yes, but theres no dramatic stories to them, just me not leaving scratches and bites alone as a kid. they look kind of cool though. and theyre so mysterious. youd think id have scars from self harm but no.
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
i believe so...
41. Are you a good liar?
yes, when i am 100% like morally committed to lying.
42. Are you a good judge of character?
NO. my thought process is: its rude to assume someone is going to behave badly, and they will be offended and have hurt feelings if you anticipate that. i have to like. treat everyone with exactly the same respect unless theyre a dick. otherwise its being judgmental. and it ends up as naïveté. but im okay with that . the price of being a good person
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
i could do a british one once i guess LOL and it looks like now ive Absorbed a mexican accent but i never really try to talk in other accents
44. Do you have a strong accent?
i dont know how to answer this
45. What is your favorite accent?
idk i like new things i havent heard before. and thinking about how other languages work. theres a lot of different accents at my work and i honestly enjoy listening to them
46. What is your personality type?
that.... INFJ. see. psychic
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
one of the gay jackets
48. Can you curl your tongue?
dont think so
49. Are you an innie or an outie?
innie
50. Left or right handed?
left
51. Are you scared of spiders?
depends. i had these big house spiders in my dungeon at my parents house, and id just be “hi” and set them free. but if i see one where im not expecting it i might yell a lot and tell everyone and run around and then set it free
52. Favorite food?
tacos from my old work. i was indeed. screaming, lost in the sauce. i waited until i was away from the restaurant because i knew all my dignity would vanish
53. Favorite foreign food?
idk... i need to eat more curry. i need more curryin my life. bring it on.
54. Are you a clean or messy person?
clean
55. Most used phrased?
“this slaps” i feel like ive been saying that a lot
56. Most used word?
I
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
a whole entire fucking hour (when i wake up) otherwise 5min
58. Do you have much of an ego?
i do, but i hide it.
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
chomp chomp. i am not a patient man.
60. Do you talk to yourself?
yes, when i know no ones around, or when im not worried about seeming like a crazy person at work
61. Do you sing to yourself?
nah
62. Are you a good singer?
no. i can sing and it sound okay. nice even. but good??? like beautiful?????? no.
63. Biggest Fear?
someone dying, natural disaster, new illness
64. Are you a gossip?
maybe. i feel like i have the Tendencies and then im like “am i being a bad person right now”. i want to know the deets though.
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?
i Simply Dont Have the Attention for Those
66. Do you like long or short hair?
BOTH . long hair is more fun to draw. short hair is hot
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
fuck no. why would i. fuck off. i dont care about your states.
68. Favorite school subject?
ART ART AR T
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
introerverte
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?
no
71. What makes you nervous?
people who are not Definitely Cheerful
72. Are you scared of the dark?
no. unless i think about things to scare myself on purpose
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
no unless they need to know. because im not a fucking ANIMAL
74. Are you ticklish?
depends. i can be not ticklish if im determined.
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
i dont think so... i started a rumor i was from mars
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?
maybe i was supposed to train some girls and then i probably didnt do a great job and they didnt listen. they say my job now is somewhat authority and im like...... ok......
77. Have you ever drank underage?
no
78. Have you ever done drugs?
no
79. Who was your first real crush?
someone whos OUTTA MY LIFE
80. How many piercings do you have?
two? i got them pierecd at claires lmao and i didnt get an infection because im so salty. then i took them out because they were from claries
81. Can you roll your Rs?“
hell yes
82. How fast can you type?
so fucking fast. faster than my work finder helper. im fast im very fast
83. How fast can you run?
IM VERY FAST
84. What color is your hair?
orange
85. What color is your eyes?
green
86. What are you allergic to?
im still trying to figure that out. whatever it is gives me hives
87. Do you keep a journal?
yes. so i can get better at handwriting and just talking in general and hear what my voice sounds like. and to have a space away from other peoples needs and pressures
88. What do your parents do?
my mom is a stay at home mom and my dad shoots pop bottles into the sky
89. Do you like your age?
sure
90. What makes you angry?
everything. cabbage. i swore about cabbage for a long time the other day. i am just full of anger.
91. Do you like your own name?
YES. i mean i chose it i better. honestly my first name ......... i feel self conscious about it sometimes. i think it was the only name for me though. it wasnt the ideal most wonderful namei could find because those didnt fit, it was MY name.
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?
im going to have two sons and im naming them brick and rusty.
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?
yeah, i want a boy a girl
94. What are you strengths?
my strengths doing all 100 questions, this is serious muscles
95. What are your weaknesses?
the exhaustion of jumping from one question to the next especially when they are vague. im not complaining this was my idea
96. How did you get your name?
i pfound it in the baby name book and i was lie “hey yyy, i saw that name in black beauty, lets use it for my gay coded villain what the hell!”
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
no but i did have some ancestors who lives i a mansions andhad fucking SERVANTS. before you call me problematic my other part of family was like sewing things and not going to school
98. Do you have any scars?
weve been over this. when im older im going to get a cool scar fighting a dragon
99. Color of your bedspread?
pink, white, blue
100. Color of your room?
white
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since yall kept fuckin asking heres 1-155. Go ahead and see how fucking lame I actually am
1: Full name: Madison Lyn (I’m not putting my last name on the internet lmao)
2: Age:19
3: 3 Fears: heights, elevators, being alone for the rest of my life
4: 3 things I love: cats, coffee, sleeping
5: 4 turns on: (I’m gonna make it nonsexual okay): body mods, humor, good vibes, nice laugh
6: 4 turns off: (gonna make these nonsexual too): rude, nasty, conceited, takes days to reply lmao
7: My best friend: girl: @bohoangel guy: @bostonnanner
8: Sexual orientation: pansexual
9: My best first date: haven’t had a best one yet, need someone to change that lmao
10: How tall am I: 5′8
11: What do I miss: lots of things and people both too many too name
12: What time was I born: 2:06am
13: Favourite color: blue
14: Do I have a crush: still crushin on my last man
15: Favourite quote: either some vine or “I’m here for a good time not a long time” I have way too many favs
16: Favourite place: my room, best friends house, or beach house
17: Favourite food: buffalo chicken or alfredo
18: Do I use sarcasm: of course not
19: What am I listening to right now: music ;)
20: First thing I notice in new person: smile
21: Shoe size: no
22: Eye color: hazel
23: Hair color: naturally brunette currently red
24: Favourite style of clothing: gothic, pop punk or hippie/boho
25: Ever done a prank call?: I havent personally
27: Meaning behind my URL: I needed to change my url of 8 years and I wanted something short and easy to remember but I also wanted it to be a band so it would fit my blog and surprisingly this one wasnt taken
28: Favourite movie: I have way too many
29: Favourite song: again way too many
30: Favourite band: AGAIN way too many
31: How I feel right now: I feel fucking exhausted
32: Someone I love: okay now Im sad
33: My current relationship status: okay NOW Im crying but single
34: My relationship with my parents: welp my dads dead and my mom and I are okay
35: Favourite holiday: Halloween or Christmas
36: Tattoos and piercing I have: no tattoos yet and I have my nose pierced and first and second holes pierced on my ears
37: Tattoos and piercing I want: too many
38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I was 12 that should be enough
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: No. In fact I could never hate him and I dont think I’ll love anyone like I did/do him.
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: eh sometimes
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? last text over imessage yes
42: When did I last hold hands?: I have no idea
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: I dont do anything really so not too long
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: dont out me
45: Where am I right now?: my room
46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: @bohoangel
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: both
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: mom
49: Am I excited for anything?: nah
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? @bostonnanner
51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: eh
52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I mean idc but it’d just be fucking weird cause they’re kissing in front of me
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: plenty of people lmao
55: What is something I disliked about today?: I’ll do yesterday since today hasnt really happened. But it was fathers day and my heart was hurting so bad cause I miss my dad more than anything and really wish he was still here
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: my fuckin soulmate bitch
57: What do I think about most?: in all honesty, my ex
58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can do this smile thing that nobody else can do and it makes me look like a frog
59: Do I have any strange phobias?: probably
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: in front
61: What was the last lie I told?: that I was a child of God
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: video chatting but I dont mind either
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: fuck yes and fuck yes
64: Do I believe in magic?: I’m a god damn witch bitch
65: Do I believe in luck?: I believe in karma
66: What’s the weather like right now? according to my phone its currently clear and 61 degrees
67: What was the last book I’ve read?: I have no idea
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: eh
69: Do I have any nicknames? Maddie, Mad, Mads
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I had a staph infection in my foot that went back and forth across my foot and then up my leg (doctor said if my mom didn’t bring me when she did I would’ve died cause it would’ve gone to my heart)
71: Do I spend money or save it?: spend it
72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? ye
74: Favourite animal?: cats
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: I have no idea
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: oh shit I’ve never thought of this
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: good question
78: How can you win my heart?: Be Italian
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I honestly have no idea
80: What is my favorite word? bitch
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I get asked this way too much
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: probably some hippie bullshit
83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: I’ve had relatives in jail but I dont think anyones in jail rn
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? theres too many lmao
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? probably if I’ve smoked or drank or have done anything bad but only if my mom was asking
86: What is my current desktop picture? its just basic
87: Had sex?: nah
88: Bought condoms?: nah
89: Gotten pregnant?: nah
90: Failed a class?: nah
91: Kissed a boy?: ye
92: Kissed a girl?: ye
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: nah
94: Had job?: ye
95: Left the house without my wallet?: ye
96: Bullied someone on the internet?: nah
97: Had sex in public?: nah
98: Played on a sports team?: ye
99: Smoked weed?: ye
100: Did drugs?: nothing hardcore just smoking weed
101: Smoked cigarettes?: nah
102: Drank alcohol?: ye
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: I’ve tried
104: Been overweight?: no answer
105: Been underweight? also no answer
106: Been to a wedding?: ye
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: ye
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: ye
109: Been outside my home country?: nah
110: Gotten my heart broken?: of course
111: Been to a professional sports game?: ye
112: Broken a bone?: ye
113: Cut myself?: ye
114: Been to prom?: ye
115: Been in airplane?: ye
116: Fly by helicopter?: nah
117: What concerts have I been to?: pink, metallica/volbeat, warped tour 2016,2017,2018, jingle ball, some birthday bash, I cant remember if I’ve been to any other ones lmao
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: not entirely
119: Learned another language?: not fully
120: Wore make up?: ye
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: I’m a child of god
122: Had oral sex?: nah
123: Dyed my hair?: ye
124: Voted in a presidential election?: not yet
125: Rode in an ambulance?: couldve a couple times but my parents decided to drive me
126: Had a surgery?: nah
127: Met someone famous?: I guess?
128: Stalked someone on a social network?: who doesnt do this
129: Peed outside?: ye
130: Been fishing?: ye
131: Helped with charity?: I think so
132: Been rejected by a crush?: who doesnt get rejected
133: Broken a mirror?: probably
134: What do I want for birthday?: lots of things
135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I have no idea
136: Was I named after anyone?: No but I have the same middle name as my aunt
137: Do I like my handwriting?: ye
138: What was my favorite toy as a child?: I have no idea
139: Favorite Tv Show?: American Horror Story, Bob’s Burgers, The Office, or Drunk History
140: Where do I want to live when older?: New Hampshire
141: Play any musical instrument?: I can play the violin and piano and can also sing but idk if that counts lmao
142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: its barely noticeable but literally right under my left eye (like right at the edge of my dark circle lmao) I got attacked by a dog and it bit me in the face and I had to get stitches but I bitched out and had it glued instead lmao
143: Favorite pizza topping? cheese
144: Am I afraid of the dark?: depends where I am
145: Am I afraid of heights?: ye
146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:nah
147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: haha yeah
148: What I’m really bad at: everything
149: What my greatest achievements are: I fucking graduated from high school. Like I would never wish what I went through on anyone ever not even my worst enemy. It was worse than hell
150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I honestly dont remember
151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: lots of stuff
152: What do I like about myself: my eyebrows
153: My closest Tumblr friend: I cant say @bohoangel cause I’ve known her since 5th grade so I’ll say @bostonnanner even though we met on omegle years ago lmao
154: Something I fantasize about: lots of things
155: Any question you’d like?: literally whatever anyone wants to know
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Oversharing Time!!!
(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)
Ok so @frogyell tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science
rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.
1. last drink: Water! off to a great start
2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic
3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”
4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will
5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after
6. dated someone twice? Big No
7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?
8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count
9. lost someone special? yea
10. been depressed? hella
11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no
fave colors
12. Black
13. Lavendar
14. Light blue
in the last year have you…
15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!
16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?
17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely
18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP
19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that
20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat
21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have
general
22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story
23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.
24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished
25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day
26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00
27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction
28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration
30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem
31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???
32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am
33. most visited website: tungle dot hell
34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.
35. long or short hair: short
36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes
37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times
38. want any piercings? Big No
39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!
40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes
41. relationship status: im married to my laptop
42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo
43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now.
44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY
45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck
46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.
47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{
48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!
49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh
50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco.
51. trainers: h
more general
52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag
53. drinking: I got another cup of water
54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read
55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE
56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it
57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!
58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win
which is better
59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto
60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????
61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner
62. older or younger: i don’t think I care
63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case
64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship
65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker
have you ever
66. kissed a stranger: noop
67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me
68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again
69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class
70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d u p
71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?
72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god
73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao
74. cried when someone died: oui
75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood
do you believe in
76. yourself: YA BB
77. miracles: not as such
78. love at first sight: nah
79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad
80. kiss on a first date: ye!
81. angels: big no
other
82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam
83. eye colour: blue/grey
84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up
85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother
WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖
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💝30 Questions Tag💝
i was tagged by @cocoacake thank youuu qtieeeee!♥
1. Nicknames: Mario (lol) 2. Gender: female
3. Star sign: cancer!
4. Height: 1,60cm (5,2ft)
5. Time: 2:50pm
6. Birthday: July 10th
7. Favourite Bands: i listen to so many different kinds of bands dlkjfs
8. Favourite solo artists: probably dean, crush or sik-k?? I LISTEN TO TOO MANY PPL IDK
9. Song stuck in your head: error by vixx IM HAVING FLASHBACKS
10. Last movie you watched: the bye bye man
11. Last show you watched: hello counselor! ♥
12. When did you create this blog: i think it was in 2013?
13. When do you post: mostly at night if im not too exhausted:(
14. Last thing I googled: ‘’where’s the CVV in a card’’ I HAVE TO MAKE SURE
15. Do you have any other blogs: noo just usernames i want to keep
16. Do you get any asks: no never kjdfgh pls send me anything:(
17. Why did you choose your url: the moon is my greatest love since i was a child:”) (fun fact: my aunt would tear up often bc whenever i was in a car ride with her,i would always look out the window and say ‘’wow look at the little moon it’s so pretty’’)
18. Following: 405
19. Followers: 702 ILY ALL SM
20. Favourite Colours: everything blue!
21. Average hours of sleep: 6:(
22. Lucky number: 7!
23. Instruments: i cant play any but i really want to learn how to play the guitar and the violin
24. What am I wearing: my sleeping shorts and a white tshirt
25. How many blankets I sleep with: i sleep with 1 very comfy and soft one
26. Dream job: english teacher abroad or a stylist or work in a bakery!!
27. Dream trip: sk and japan!!!
28. Favourite food: i love bbq chicken pizza and sushi!! &&all kinds of soups!
29. Nationality: greek
30. Favourite song right now: sweet lies-exo, the whole ‘love yourself:her’ album,iffy-sik-k! i tag: @5hyuks @aovi @7flora @chimnin @youngslove @sofglows++++ @ everyone pls do thiiss!!♥♥
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apparently theres a 30 tag limit on posts (who knew!) but dont feek obliged to read this i just needed to get it out of my system ha ha :) :) and ive def exhausted this topic w all my friends but if u do read it ur a warrior and i love u
#but im literally laying in bed crying to myself right now bc im so fucking fed up and exhausted#my fucking room mate . god im so fucking angry with her like her presence is starting to make me literally angry all the time#i hate being in the dorm with her but thats not even why im mad rn#it’s 12:25 in the morning on a school night and ive been up since 7 and have had such a long day and all i wanna do is sleep#but shes fucking sitting at her desk doing homework and has all the lights in the room on#like fucking christ go somewhere else please#this is mostly every fucking night and if shes not in here doing hw shes somewhere else til 1-2 am but fuck i wish she was somewhere else rn#and she still has to shower and shit like what the fuck#this is so inconsiderate isnt it or am i just being a bitch like ik shes paying for this room but so am i and i want to sleep#i cant sleep with the lights on like this i just cant but i dont wanna be rude and im not confrontational#and like we’re not even friends we barely talk bc i made an effort both over the summer and while here and it was not reciprocated so i#fucking give up and like everyone else on my floor is at least chill w their room mated yet i cant stand mine#and she NEVER LEAVES THE FUVKING ROOM EVER AND ok im not gonna yell but if shes not in class shes literally just on her phone in bed all day#like idk ok im gonna yell DO UR HOMEWORK DURING THE DAY SO THIS DOESNT HAPPEN#and u know what? we had to sign a Roommate Agreement week 1 and shes the one who told ME she likes to be asleep by 11:30#like fuck off#and then . AND THEN. every fucking morning between 6:30&7:30 these loud ass random ass alarms go off that fucking announce the time date#weather and then the fucking news and she has to get out of bed to turn it off but it takes her FOREVER so then im awake#today FOUR ALARMS WENT OFF WITHIN LIKE 15 MINUTES ABD SHE KEPT GETTING UP TO MUTE THEM GO BACK INTO BED THEN SHED FUVKING HAVE TO GET UP#AGAIN IN THREE MINUTES#AND THEYRE NOT EVEN FOR HER BC SHE LAID IN BED UNTIL AT LEAST 8:30 WHEN I LEGT FOR BREAKFAST#THIS IS MY EVERY FUVMJBG DAY I DONT SLEEP ENOUGH EVEN THO I DONT EVEN HAVE MORNING CLASSES IM SO GUVKIBG TIRED ALL THE TIME AND IM GOING#CRAZY.#oh great 12:35 she finallh finished and is getting ready for bed#shes nice as a person but i cant look past this shit she literalky doesnt give a fuvk about#me ive literally had it with her#i havent told my parents about this idk if i will bc then itll make them awk w her parents but fuck its only been a month idk how much more#i csn handle this#this month hasnt been very great for a lot of reasons but my constant exhaustion isnt helping!#mine
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I just feel sooooooooo exhausted I literally wanna call into work and be like hey im "sick" I cant come in......I just wanna relax today I feel like I have just been everywhere the last month and I just need time to chill but I get tomorrow off and Saturday off this week and those days off aren't even really days off...….tomorrow I have therapy then class...….Saturday I WILL take off and just relax if I can. seems like even when I have a free day where I can do nothing theres always something I have to do.....like laundry or dishes or cleaning fin's litter box or cleaning perdu's bowl or homework just something always something I just feel exhausted by everything...….I have lost about 6 pounds in less than a month eating is a struggle (note I wanna eat but it makes me nauseous idk y) might be partly stress. I just need a break. 1 day where I can literally just sit on my ass watch tv, write, color anything I WANT TO DO! not homework not cleaning just relaxing but I don't think that will happen...…...I just wanna be done...……….I wanna sleep forever.....the pain has been bad lately to the point I considered going to the ER but all they will give me is Toradol which I can't have anymore because it causes a lot of stomach issues. I feel like none of the meds are helping anymore :/ I take a crap ton of acetametaphin (Tylenol) just to get through a few hours. right now I probably took too much but I was in a lot of pain and I have to go to work soon. I just feel woozy and out of it right now. I'm just exhausted in general.....life is getting me down pain is getting me down. on the plus side I have lost about 6 almost 7 pounds in less than a month because eating is making me nauseous so I don't eat as much heck its 11:38 am and I haven't eaten since 8:30 pm last night I feel a little bit hungry but even looking at food makes me nauseous sometimes. I don't know just feeling really low right now...…..
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“write it all down.”
I heard it from some dumb lady on a dumb podcast saying dumb things. It’s the only bit of information that actually stuck with me. So I’m going to give it a try. Because I don’t have any other options. My mental health is at an all time low and I don’t know what to do.
I want to stop living, truthfully. I don’t mean I want to kill myself. I don’t have the guts. I just mean I want it to be all over. I just want some nuclear explosion to make us all go away. Or if that’s too painful... what about if we just disappear? like that Hulu show. Idk what its called. where people just go poof. But not some conspiracy shit. I just want to cease to exist. Idc how.
I’ve had enough of the pressures of life, which is some weak shit to say being that I’m pretty privileged: educated, food, shelter, work, family, love. But I guess I’m just not strong enough to deal with the pressures that I have. Mentally, I mean. Others can go through real life fucking trauma and live and come out stronger. But I can’t seem make it through my everyday tasks without wanting to die. I just dont think im strong enough to do anything.
Is this depression? They always say that it looks different on everyone. Some can’t get out of bed, some express self-hate, some this, some that.
Is it anxiety? Everything stresses me out. Noises outside my window, the little red squiggly line under the misspelled words in this text post, paying bills, planning meals, having kids, the GRE, applying to schools, time to see my grandma, my dog shedding his summer coat.
You know that saying of the camel and the straw that broke its back. I feel like all of these things are bricks. Not straws. And that my back broke down bricks ago but somehow people keep piling on more bricks.
Here’s a list:
1. I need Jaira to get a new job because I need help with bills and shit 2. I need a cleaning lady. Im tired of cleaning 3 times a week. 3. Planning my every meal is exhausting. I get home at 730 to have to start cooking dinner. 4. i go to sleep past 12am every night. 5. my hair requires maintenance 6. applying to schools. 7. asking briana and andi for recommendation letters
8. studying for the gre 9. i took it already and performed sooooooo below average 10. i have to take it again 11. my grade on this next one 12. starting applications !3. i dont have time to do any of the 12 things ive mentioned so far 14. I should get a poster board to write down all of my grad school requirements. but that means i need cash to get it because the dollar store doesnt take card. but I have $23 in my checking account and if I take out $20 that means ill have $3 until thursday. 15. Jaira needs to start applying for 4-years 16. i miss my grandma 17. i miss my mom and my dad 18. i should help my dad park the car for street cleaning 19. why should i ? nicolas doesnt do shit. 20. i hope tiffany never kills herself. because i will blame it on myself. 21. why do i care what people think 22. should i go back to smoking cigarettes? those make me fee better 23, i need to fill fafsa out 24, i need to change my loans so that I dont have to start paying in november 25. i need to ask briana whether i have to pay taxes on what im making 26. fuck trump 27. innocant people die everyday 28. black lives matter 29. undocumented lives matter 30. WTF DOES ILLEGAL EVEN MEAN- no one is fucking illegal 31. people confuse race and ethnicity and that fucks everything up 32. i miss the obamas 33. am i fulfilling my civic duty by not protesting enough 34. election day is coming up. i should educate others on the importance of voting 35. relax maca: mental health >well being others. heal yourself before you can help others 36. im a lazy shit that cant help herself. 37. I wanna shave my head.
all of these thoughts are allways in my head at the same time. all day every day.
im having some weird existential crisis where i realize that nothing in life has meaning and nothing really matters. we give it meaning we allow the facets of life to control us. so then why am i panicking? why do i care? and when i stop caring.... this list bumps into my head again. ive never gotten all of these feeelings out at once. im glad i did. im glad i put it in writing. where i can SEE it. and theyre not just words floating in my head. it helps. im not sure how but writing this out helps. im glad i found the time to do it. but now i feel guilty about not studying for my GRE. its all a never-ending cycle of bad anxiety and self-loathing.
i just told jaira to buy me a poster board.
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So my bad anon, I totally ended up screwing up your ask and shiz by accident but i promise i got it- you wanted me to answer all questions so you got it:
lets get personal.
1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?
Its been varying a SHIT ton over the last two months especially, but ATM i currently love:
Body on Fire by Maggie Rose
Too Many Love Songs by Maggie Rose (notice a trend?)
B-A-B-Y by Carla Thomas
I Don’t Believe You - Pink
Life of the Party - All Time Low
Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra
2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
um, all the people I’m gonna meet at ClexaCon in April! Celebs, other fans, and all! IM SO EXCITED ITS GONNA BE THE BEST FUCKING WEEKEND.
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
There isnt a book next to me? theres random magazines on the kitchen table. page 23 is an add for Poise Impressa bladder leakage shit lol
4: What do you think about most?
I kinda really want to plead the fifth on this, but probably two things: how I want to make my work ethic better and make a better difference and how I dont feel I can do that until I get my personal shit together. And how I really want a certain someone to be at my side while I do that so I can be on theirs too. guess thats 3.
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?
From my lil sis: “Okay, np”
6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
lmao it depends. If im really exhausted, then i may sleep without a shirt. If im with a SO then I will sleep naked, but I dont ever do that myself unless I’m just that hungover or something. So clothes it is.
7: What’s your strangest talent?
I honestly dont know lol. erm... let me get back to you on that. Does it count if my left leg is wayyy more flexible than my right? dont ask me why. i have no clue
8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)
girls are a gift to the world. boys are a gift to the world.
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Not that I am aware of. Fun (not fun) fact: I’m way more afraid of not being spoken of than being spoken of poorly. idk man. if anyone has written a poem or song about me, plz feel free to share
10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?
holy shit, i have no clue. usually im more of an air drums person. in that case, yesterday.
11: Do you have any strange phobias?
I HATE SPUDS ON POTATOES SPUDDY POTATOES SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME DONT PLAY
12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
not that i reminder? maybe a coin or something as a kid? its very possible.
13: What’s your religion?
if i identified with anything, it would be an agnostic universalist.
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
hanging out with friends and family
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
behind, but i do have a secret desire to be in front of it. my insecurities currently outweigh my ego in putting myself in front of it, but if someone asked me to do it, i prob would. people just dont ask.
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
Halestorm. Without a doubt.
17: What was the last lie you told?
oh god. I probably told one while canvassing today. I said i donated to one of the organizations that i represent but i dont. oops. did it to convince people that they are good orgs to donate too (in my defence, they ARE and they are wonderful orgs, i just dont have the money to donate)
18: Do you believe in karma?
yes, but i dont really use karma for consistent rationalization
19: What does your URL mean?
WE ARE ALL FAN WARRIORS OF OUR OWN FANDOMS AND WE SHOULD ALL FUCKING UNITE IN OUR AWESOMENESS
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
Greatest weakness? I’m loyal to a fault and will fight for what I want till the bitter end. I’m recently admitting that I have the martyr complex, im pretty sure. Strength? You get me passionate about something, you gain my love, then I’m all in. I’ll work my ass off for whatever that is.
21: Who is your celebrity crush?
Kat barrell and Natasha Negovanlis, as of rn. but i love so many others
22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
nope
23: How do you vent your anger?
i dont. i bottle it up and try to avoid it. I’ve been trying to go to the gym tho; that helps when i actually do it. writing helps too, when i do it. Definitely need to find a better way to deal with my emotions. its harder to find time during adult life mayn.
24: Do you have a collection of anything?
comics, poetry books, my own writings, quarter collection... probably something else im not thinking of
25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
FACETIME IS WHERE ITS AT
26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
Yes and no.
27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
Sound I hate? loud city noises, particularly construction shit. Love? ... I hate myself, but the sound of people I love telling me they love me too. SHUTUP ITS A SOUND I SAID NOTHING WHAT
28: What’s your biggest “what if”?
Usually its “What if I didn’t fuck up?” or “What if I was reincarnated into something?”
29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
I wanna believe in ghosts but i cant say i do. Aliens: hell yeah.
30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Right - kitchen towel and my ECU bag and keys. Left - magazine and table
31: Smell the air. What do you smell?
my house’s normal smell. and food i just ate.
32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
My own mind at its worst. Or, physical place, probably a mental hospital.
33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
I cant say; I’ve never been West. So East for now until I see the West.
34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
I like never think about this. um. Zayn is cute?
35: To you, what is the meaning of life?
Finding a reason to breathe. Sometimes its family, friends, work, money, power- I think everyone’s meaning of life is different.
36: Define Art.
anything you make to express yourself or help yourself heal.
37: Do you believe in luck?
I kinda have too, I was an athlete.
38: What’s the weather like right now?
dark and cloudy.
39: What time is it?
7:07 pm and im totally running late to pick up my sis. (update - finishing this around 11:11 ooo make a wish cause i had to go get my sis so)
40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Yes. Never “crashed” but have hit someone before and have been hit.
41: What was the last book you read?
A poetry book by Lauren Zuniga. That counts.
42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?
No, but I like the smell of paint.
43: Do you have any nicknames?
Laur-Laur, jiggles, cheesecake, Lo-ren, bean-bean.. others I dont think I should name i guess
44: What was the last film you saw?
Baby Driver
45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
Injury? Concussion. worst fucking thing of my life. it really was my fault though.
46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?
no
47: Do you have any obsessions right now?
oh god yes. if you know me, you know i always obsess. right now, carmilla and wynonna earp are my top two. easily.
48: What’s your sexual orientation?
bisexual, preference for women, fight me
49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?
I honestly dont know
50: Do you believe in magic?
I want too.
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
yeah. Well, yes and no. i dont hold a grudge to never have them apart of my life usually, but i never forget what they did to me. never.
52: What is your astrological sign?
Leo
53: Do you save money or spend it?
lol spend. i need to save. so bad.
54: What’s the last thing you purchased?
groceries
55: Love or lust?
I know this may shock people that know me, but love. lust isnt any good without it. thats what i would pick if i had to choose, but i rather like the idea they exist together. they can exist separately, but they go best together for me personally.
56: In a relationship?
no, but i hope things will get better.
57: How many relationships have you had?
ones I actually really loved being in wholeheartedly? 1. total? 4. I’d say 5 but im not really counting one of them lol.
58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
hell yeah
59: Where were you yesterday?
work and then home feeling down. then i played my video game, Just cause 3, till midnight
60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
magazine
61: Are you wearing socks right now?
yes
62: What’s your favourite animal?
kangaroos and zebras
63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
... be a huge fucking dork and hope they dont fucking hate me
64: Where is your best friend?
.......the ones talking to me? charlotte, greensboro, greenville, raleigh (NC), texas... the one not talking to me? ... virginia/dc area
65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.
any of the ones with funny text posts/memes on wynonna earp and carmilla
66: What is your heritage?
im a white asshole with some native american in me. Choctaw. I need to learn more about my family history AND remember it.
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?
finishing up playing my name
68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?
angelface
69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA dear fuck yes. duh. oh my fucking god im laughing so hard at this.
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
loyal to a fault and there at your beck and call? yeah. not always the best listener? nah
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
I’m gonna save the fucking dog and my boss can kiss my damn ass.
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
I’d definitely tell people. At first I wouldn’t know how, and id contemplate if its important enough to tell or not, but eventually i would. id start with those close to me. idk if id want to tell everyone. id want to travel a damn lot with those i love. go new places, try new things, build as many memories as possible. because hell yeah id be afraid. I’m terrified of death and the afterlife; not knowing what happens after we pass.
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
I think love is built on trust, so love. trust isnt always built on love.
74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
love on top, beyonce. literally saved my life freshman year of college.
75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
F8ME
76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
kinda a big one, especially for myself lately. um. I think a great relationship has a good foundation. because in the end, every relationship faces struggles and is gonna be “tested”, for lack of a better word. and what can we turn back to when we feel things arent where they need to be? the foundation. its like a house; if somethings wrong with it, but the foundation is still sturdy, its probably possible and worth fixing. if the foundation is cracked, its more risky; if the foundation is completely crushed, then its probably not a great relationship anymore.
77: How can I win your heart?
Unless you’re the person who currently has my heart right now, you can’t. or if you’re a dog. dogs win my heart. if you’re a dog, congrats. the person who has my heart has to share. sorry, i dont make the rules.
78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?
how is this a question? the craziest fucking people in the world are the most creative. Yes, yes, and more yes.
79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
this is intense. hmmmm. making a tumblr and going back on it in college. yeah. it led to my last relationship. best damn thing that ever happened to me.
80: What size shoes do you wear?
10 or 11
81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
I’d want someone else to write a poem or something about me. i dont want to be buried. cremation bitch (after taking my organs out for science of course)
82: What is your favourite word?
currently i really just like cussing. fuck.
83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
the name of my current ex.
84: What is a saying you say a lot?
We accept the love we think we deserve.
85: What’s the last song you listened to?
i legit am trying to look at my iphone to see what last played in my car, but its being an asshole. I wanna say the last i remember is Craving you by Thomas Rhett. im already listening to wayy more country than i usually do lately.
86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?
in order: purple, blue, red
87: What is your current desktop picture?
A quote that says: “i know you’re sad, so i wont tell you to have a good day. Instead, I’ll simply advice you to have a day. Stay Alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and dont give up on yourself just yet. it’ll get better. until then, have a day.”
88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
Can I make an entire building explode? preferably -cough- a building that houses certain gov officials i am not happy with -cough-?
89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
Any question that I know would upset someone. I’m working on trying to not be honest to a fault. to be honest when need be, and to know when i dont need to be brutally honest. im terrified of being too honest again in general.
90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
honestly, scream and be frozen in fear. idk man. wheres my baseball bat when i need it? idc if they arent doing anything, they need to GTFO of my room.
91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
teleportation
92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
holy crap. wow. a half hour? idk. theres a lot. a recent one is the hayley kiyoko concert though. that concert was just absolutely phenomenal. 100/10
93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I wouldnt erase any horrible experience, because they made me who i am and helped me learn what i know. if i hadnt experienced what i experienced, that one thing not happening can change my entire life.
94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
Honestly, right now, I wouldnt. and i dont think i ever would. i get too starstruck easily and have way too much respect and awe for the celebrities i like. i honestly do think of them as higher beings than me (not gods but like, ya know, out of my league lmao) so nah. now if we become friends and theyre a cuddler? then yes i will SLEEP next to them. SLEEP.
95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
i have that crazy urge to travel like a crazy person rn, so if i only had one free plane ticket, i’d go somewhere i otherwise couldnt right now, like italy. i really want to go to italy one day.
96: Do you have any relatives in jail?
not that im aware of, but who knows
97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?
...actually yes! I was severely dehydrated once and my mom had me drink 3 bottles of water back to back. then we got in the car and as she started driving, i got sick, so she pulled over and i sat there getting ready to vomit when a cop pulled over and was like “hey, you okay?” and my mom just explained i was sick, and as he walked over to look at me thats when i threw up ALLLLL that water. he stepped back so quick and was all like “do you want me to call an ambulance?”. it was great. thats how you get rid of cops. throw up in front of them (sarcasm)
98: Ever been on a plane?
Yup! ive flown to new hampshire and kansas before.
99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
probably some long ass rant about how fucked up the world is and how we need to turn around our governments and get them to work back for the people, not for fucking corporations and capitalism, or the capitalistic aspects of socialism.
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Just one number? What if you answered them all? It will take a while, but time is just an illusion.
LMAO luv a challenge thank u 💐 read more bc it got long obviously
1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?
ahh okay well i think about who i am as a person and whether im good or bad and recently in my reflections i realized that i have control issues?? and how to work with that is confusing to me but
2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?
no lol
3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?
no unless it was interfering with our relationship somehow?
4: Do you find it easy to trust others?
yes and no?? i dont really trust a lot of people but im very optimistic and idealistic and so i never assume the worst of people. like if someone lied to me i prob wouldnt assume so unless it was glaringly obvious
5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?
sleeping lmao
6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?
this would never happen in my life oh my god i plan too much to not have a dd and a charged phone w access to a gps
7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
break up w the person and prob not talk to them again
8: Are you close with your dad?
no i dont talk to him
9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?
i havent kissed anyone since 8th grade
10: What are you listening to?
currently im watching ink master in the background but in terms of music ive been playing big thief’s masterpiece and diiv’s is the is are
11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?
water lmao
12: Do you like hickeys?
ive never had one so idk for sure but the idea of it isnt super appealing to me
13: What time do you go to bed?
anywhere between like 11 pm to????? 3 am but usually closer to 11 bc i cant sleep in
14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
every man in my life
15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?
no not at all im so bad at 1 handed texting
16: Do you always answer your texts?
no LMAO unless its my mom or abby
17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?
i dont know that ive ever fallen before
18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
an hour ago
19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
abby and angel and my bunny
20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
i dont remember i think i was thinking about tattoos
21: Is anyone else in the room with you?
my brother
22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?
no there are plenty of shitty people who are doing just fine
23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
noooooo way
24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?
no im kinda fine with the people i choose not to speak to
25: In the past week, have you cried?
no
26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?
black
27: Do people ever call you by your last name?
my last name is 9 letters long absolutely not
28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?
no
29: Do you have a best friend?
ya abby lmao love that bitch
30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
no. see #9
31: Who was your last call/text message from?
angel
32: Are you mad at anyone?
always
33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
see #30
34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?
see #33. probably 19 or 20 idk
35: How many more days until your birthday?
345
36: Do you have any summer plans yet?
yes!!! im going to maine with my mom and her gf and abby soon and me and abby are gonna tear it up the rest of the summer.
37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?
i have no male friends currently
38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?
never
39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
i dont think so
40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
yes lmao see #34
41: Do you think age matters in relationships?
absolutely especially when either of the people is below 20 or so
42: Are you available?
emotionally, romantically, and sexually yes
43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?
i feel like i feel strongly for most people i meet im not really a casual person
44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?
i kind of want to get my other nostril pierced??? other than that i think medusa piercings are really pretty
45: Do you believe exes can be friends?
if both of the people are emotionally mature enough definitely
46: Do you regret anything?
most things
47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?
um ive been thinking abt my chronic illness lol bc i dont think im actively bleeding internally anymore but wondering how much blood ive lost bc ive been really exhausted and i think it might be anemia
48: Did you ever lose a best friend?
every one except the ones i currently have
49: Was your last kiss a mistake?
yes like see #40
50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?
i dont like anyone currently i wish i did
51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
no
52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?
no oh my god see #49
53: What was the last thing you ate?
i just had some pasta
54: Did you get any compliments today?
i think someone said they liked my shoes
55: Where are you going on your next vacation?
maine!!!
56: Do you own anything from other countries?
probably but i couldnt tell u for sure my dude
57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?
girls
58: Where have you lived most of your life?
rhode island
59: When was the last time you took a long drive?
sunday
60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
no has anybody
61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?
no has anybody
62: Who do you text the most?
abby i guess?? i dont really text that much
63: What was the last movie you saw?
i watched young frankenstein but ive seen that before
64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?
dont have a gf
65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?
none lmao i was in like 7th grade
66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?
idfk see #52
67: Do you curse around your parents?
yeah
68: Are you happy with where you live?
not really i wish i was on my own in like europe or some shit
69: Picture of yourself?
check out my insta boiii
70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
i think it depends on the other person?? i could be open to either i think
71: Have you ever been dumped?
no
72: What do you most like about making out?
passion
73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?
lets play a game called how many ways can i say im a virgin
74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?
i feel like this set of questions has something against me
75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?
i like!! tummies and legs
76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?
my mom probably
77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?
gOD
78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?
aoidsfkfkl
79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?
ummmmmmmm honest compliments and affection
80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?
probably not right now bc im not ready or interested in kids but maybe someday
81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?
a couple people
82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?
not usually but i havent had a crush in a long time
83: Do you miss your last sweetie?
what the fuck
84: Last time you slow danced with someone?
prom last year
85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?
olive is my boo
86: How can I win your heart?
ugghgh idk openness and honesty, passion, similar interests, buying me flowers
87: What is your astrological sign?
gemini!!
88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
sleeping
89: Do you cook?
yes i love cooking!!
90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?
no
91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?
yes im such a fucking romantic
92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?
i think im a monogamous person but im?? also really flexible depending on the other person
93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?
idk im not picky ugh just
cute
94: Name four things that you wish you had!
a new laptop and purse, money, cute gf
95: Are you a player?
no im a pussy and also i love women
96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?
no god
97: Are you a tease?
no
98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?
yes
99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?
no
100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?
yes omg definitely
101: Hugs or Kisses?
kisses!!!!
102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?
absolutely
103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
gross
104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?
only if im interested in them tbh
105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?
no this hypothetical person sounds like a dick
106: Do you flirt a lot?
no
107: Your last kiss?
see #66
108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?
no its like every question is about kissing
109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?
asdfghj
110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?
barbie ferreira :((((((((((
111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?
no that would be too convenient
112: Does someone like you currently?
not that i know of
113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?
nope
114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
serious relationships
115: Ever made out with just a friend?
no
116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?
who could say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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