#it is saving them in a way even if that way is thru violence

[doomednarrative]

isnt the mere fact that he's trying to "save the Riders/punish them/teach them a lesson" the hypocritical part of his mo? Like IDK about you, claiming to save people by beating them senseless seems hypocritical to me. And that is how I think that other anon said "it extends to his actions"

Like his motives and action should not mix.

Again, I don't think choosing to fight the others (not even considering the fact that They Are Also Fighting Him Too because they're all in the Desire Royale at that point in the story) makes him a hypocrite when he's not acting like he's better for doing so. He consistently paints himself as selfish and evil for what he's doing because he doesn't think he's better for doing it. He's just doing this to achieve his goals the only way he knows how to, and that's by being bullheaded and stubborn about it. He also knows by that point that Neon and Keiwa are not going to be talked out of chasing their own goals, so if he has to fight them to "save" them, that's what he'll do.

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

A Fresh Start [17]

Din Djarin x F!Reader

Warnings: losing tempers, arguing, mentions of alcohol and a bit of binge drinking, angst, people getting drunk

Word Count: 15k (i am so so so sorry, i know y'all said you wanted long but this is probably insane. i just needed to end it in that specific place to get the theme i wanted to touch on finished😭 i think you'll like the content if you can bear through it lolol)

Summary: When you made plans for your future they never involved being hired by a Mandalorian to baby-sit his adorable, green gremlin of a child. However, after your life fell apart in the span of one disastrous night,  you found it to be the only feasible option you had left. Nevarro was a  far cry from Coruscant, but the thriving community turned out to be  exactly what you needed. Every day you spend in Nevarro you  fall more  and more in love with your new life, but when your past rears its ugly head you find that perhaps peace wasn’t meant  for everyone.

#17: CLOSE YOUR EYES, NER KAR'TA

"to be in love with you is to know that even on the days you make me so mad i could scream, i still want to kiss the hell out of your face." ⏤Beau Taplin. "it's the way you wrinkle your nose when you're disappointed in me."

a/n: y'all would not believe the trouble tumblr gave me in posting this smh anyways sorry again this is stupid long (i did warn y'all im a mouthy motherfucker) but hopefully it can make up for the absolutely heartbreaking episode we all suffered thru today :)

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“If I asked you to kick Karga’s ass, would you?”

“Without hesitation, ner kar’ta.”

You couldn’t help but snicker under your breath at his quick answer. Din was lying reclined in the cot beside you with Grogu napping on his chest. It was an entertaining contrast. The soft father rubbing his son’s back as the child snored while promising immediate violence at a single word from you. The awkwardness of yesterday morning seemed to have dispersed after your confession to him. Add to that the fact that Nima was sleeping in a medically induced coma on the cot you sat on the edge of, and you were on cloud nine. There was still a ways to go and you hated that your close friend⏤ your family⏤ had been injured in such a traumatizing way, but her arm would be saved.

The bacta tank had healed what it needed to. It fixed bone, muscle, and tissue nearly 80%. You didn’t want to risk letting the tank manage the injury to the full 100%. Repairing hand injuries was a tricky thing simply because the tendons and muscles in the hand were so complicated. You’d rather set her hand the old fashioned way⏤ make sure she didn’t lose any function. Nima would be devastated if her dexterity was compromised. Her job, her passion, relied on her hands.

“Anything else I can add to our to-do list today other than fighting the High Magistrate of Nevarro?” Din asked with a hum.

You grinned at him. “I’ll let you know if I think of anything.”

Din nodded his head once. Your eyes glanced down at the hardware holding Nima’s hand motionless so it could heal properly. You had already adjusted them, applied a healing paste, then wrapped it, but you couldn't help but re-check your work over and over again. Your obsessive behavior came in handy when Karga had stepped in ten minutes or so ago to check in on Nima. Though his ‘checking in’ had turned into offering you a job once more. It seemed like every type of denial you had he had a counterpoint.

Your main one being that legally you weren’t allowed to practice medicine. You still had a license because the trial questioning whether or not you were ethically to blame for Soran’s death had ended in your favor. However, one stipulation⏤ which had come from a psychological evaluation the hospital made you go through after you were attacked⏤ was that until Kurt’s trial was over you shouldn’t be in the position of making medical decisions. It had been something you were more than happy to abide by as you ran from your life.

Karga’s cheeky reply had been that he was the High Magistrate and as such he could allow you to do anything you wanted to do. Especially if that thing you wanted to do was be his city’s physician. 

A thought formed in your mind and you huffed out a sigh. You could see Din tilt his head toward you in question. You faced him, “Would I be crazy for considering taking Karga up on his offer?”

“I wouldn’t say crazy.” Din replied. “But why? I don’t want you to feel obligated because Karga won’t leave you alone.”

“It’s not that.” You said. The thought grew in your mind, a chaotic frenzy that wouldn’t leave you alone. “If I hadn’t been here, Nima would’ve lost her arm. She might have even died. I stopped that.” Din remained silent and let you think aloud. “I can keep making that difference. I have to. If I don’t then… If something terrible happens then isn’t that my fault?”

Din sat up, holding Grogu to his chest so the boy didn’t fall, “No. No, it’s not. Thinking like that, taking on that guilt, isn’t healthy.” He threw his legs over the side of the bed so he was sitting up and facing you. “Don’t make a decision based on guilt, ner kar’ta.”

“I guess you’re right.” You mumbled.

He stayed silent for a beat before reaching a hand out to you. You stood and took the singular step that would get you close enough to settle your hand in his. Din pulled you forward so you stood between his legs. The cot was on a lower setting which left you staring down at Din while he was forced to tilt his head to stare up at you. 

“Take guilt out of it. Pretend like you’re one of many that Karga is trying to hire for this job.” Din said. You lifted the hand Din wasn’t holding so you could scratch Grogu’s head. His mid-afternoon nap would be over soon and he’d be awake and bouncing off the walls with energy. “Would getting this job make you happy?”

You pondered over the question. There was a thrill in medicine. One you quite enjoyed when you weren’t forced to care for the people who meant the most in the world to you. Plus, thinking long term, you couldn’t be Grogu’s nanny forever. It wasn’t feasible. Not that you wanted out of their lives. You were so entangled in the web of their lives that that was hardly an option anymore. But, if you wanted a real relationship with Din one day, you couldn’t be his employee. You’d have to find a different way to make credits and support yourself. 

“I think so.” You nodded.

“As long as you're happy, then I think you should do it.” Din replied, but the sigh he released didn’t match the approval of his words. “I just don’t want you to make yourself sick with stress.”

“Worrywart.” You teased. Din chuckled and the rumbling in his chest must have roused Grogu. The boy began to rub his face against the metal he was lying on sleepily. You ran a finger alongside his ear. “Hi, baby boy. Was buir too loud? Did he wake you up?”

Grogu mumbled, then turned with outstretched arms. Din lifted him as you reached out. When you pulled the small child to your chest he leaned his head against your shoulder but you knew he wasn’t sleep based on the way he let his small fingers rub against your shoulder back and forth⏤ just like you and Din would do to him. Grogu was mumbling soft words you didn’t recognize.

“Mhmm, tell mama all about it.” You hummed.

Din’s hands had rested on your hips when he didn’t have Grogu to hold. His thumbs tracing circles over your shirt right above your belt. He nodded, “Do you want children of your own one day?”

Your eyes widened in surprise at his sudden question. It was the last direction you expected this conversation to go. Your jaw popped open slightly. “Uh, wh⏤what?”

“Just curious.” Din shrugged nonchalantly.

To be honest, you had never given it any thought. That was a future decision for future you to make. While in training, you told yourself it wouldn’t be something you needed to even think about until after training was over. Then when you were working in the hospital, you told yourself you needed to get settled in your job first. Finally, your life spiraled apart and during the last year that was hardly something that was on your mind. It was funny that you went full circle and all of that led you to standing in Nevarro’s clinic thinking about a future with children of your own. 

Taking care of Grogu was an experience that had given you more factors and variables to consider, but still you weren’t sure what to say. You shook your head and spoke the truth. “To be honest, I haven’t thought much about it.”

“You’re so good with Grogu, is all.” Din replied.

“What about you?” You paused. “Er, that’s not what I⏤ Obviously you already have a child. You have Grogu.” Din chuckled at your babbling. “I meant, would you want… more?”

Din tilted his head and a very casual nod. “I think so. I like the idea of a big family.”

“Do you have siblings?” You asked suddenly. “I’m realizing just now that I don’t know a lot about your life before Nevarro⏤ other than Grogu and the bounty hunting.”

“No siblings.” Din shook his head. “Not by blood at least. After I was brought in by the Mandalorians, as a foundling, I grew up with a few other kids I considered to be siblings on Concordia.”

“Wait, you were a foundling? Like Grogu?”

“Yes.” Din nodded. “I was born on Aq Ventina, but when I was young… My town was destroyed in a Separatist attack. Battle droids destroyed everything. They… I lost my parents. I would’ve been killed myself if a Mandalorian hadn’t saved me.”

You stepped around him so you could sit down on the cot beside Din. He followed your movements with his t-shape visor. You lifted the hand not holding Grogu to settle on his knee. “Din, I am so sorry. I had no idea, I⏤ I wouldn’t have asked⏤ I shouldn’t have asked⏤”

“It’s alright, ner kar’ta.” Din chuckled and set his hand on top of yours. “I knew you didn’t know, but I wanted you to know. Besides, I started this line of questioning.” He squeezed his fingers around your own. “I know you said you were from Naboo. Can you tell me more? Do you still have family there?”

You fell into a casual conversation with him telling him about the family you still had there. Sharing a few memories that couldn't help but slip out when they came to mind. You felt bad that you were talking about happy memories when Din had just admitted to a tragedy, but he continued to ask question after question leading you into them. Which led to him sharing a few memories of his own from both worlds that he walked. Din lingered on a story about his parents⏤ a happy one he held close to his heart based on the soft tone he spoke in.

“How much do you remember of them?” You asked.

“Enough to know they were good parents.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with them.” You replied softly.

In response, Din lifted the hand on top of yours to bury it in the hair at the nape of your neck. He leaned you toward him and set his forehead against yours. The two of you only remained that way for a moment before Grogu sat up and rested one hand on your cheek and the other on his father’s.

“Skraan.” He blurted. Din and you broke apart, laughing, but Grogu was solely serious as he repeated himself. “Skraan, skraan, skraan.”

Din knew what he had to do. The part he was struggling with was the how. Oddly, in his mind, the first step was going to be the hardest bit. Steps two through whatever included taking the N1 out to Mandalore, find the living waters, bathe in said living waters, bring back proof to the Armorer, be redeemed in the eyes of his Covert, return to you as a full fledged Mandalorian rather than Apostate, and request to court you properly. Simple. Easy to remember. Din didn’t even need to write it down. However, step one involved telling you that he was leaving Nevarro and that was going to be tough.

At first he thought he’d just bring you with him, but then you told him you wanted to try being Nevarro’s physician. Din couldn’t pull you away from your home right as you had grown comfortable enough with your past to retry medicine. So, that was out. Then, when he had worked up the courage to say good-bye, Cara quit. That one had caught Din off guard. It happened days after Nima’s accident. Cara claimed she got an offer to be part of special forces with the New Republic⏤ an offer she couldn’t turn down. She even took the time to remind him that this was never a permanent thing anyways. 

However, Cara left in the dead of night without even taking the time to wait until Nima woke up. Din didn’t believe that was a coincidence. He was more than familiar with the concept of running from emotions. When Nima finally did wake up, the look of heartbreak on her features when he had to answer her question of where Cara was had been tough to handle. Din reminded himself that his plan was not the same as Cara’s. He was not leaving you to stay away. Din was not running from you. If anything he was running to you. He just wanted to be the very best version of himself before propositioning you, and Din wanted to do this right.

Before he left, he was going to explain this to you⏤ in great detail. And, if you truly meant what you said about allowing him to uphold his Creed, you’d understand. Din repeated that to himself over and over again like a mantra.

Regardless of how that played out, Din was stuck. It was one thing when he was leaving Nevarro short one marshal temporarily. Now the city would be missing him and Cara, and in good conscious he couldn’t let that be.

Mayfeld, hands laced behind his head as his feet were kicked up on his desk, called out. “Come on, Mando. What? You don’t trust me to hold down the fort while you’re gone?”

“Exactly.”

“Uh, ow.” Mayfeld complained. “You could’ve at least pretended to think about it before answering so fast.”

Din chuckled under his breath. Honestly, his relationship with Mayfeld had come a long way. How he felt now was a stark difference in comparison to how badly Din wanted to shoot him in the face when they first met. After what happened on Morak, after revealing his face in front of Mayfeld, Din truly respected the man⏤ trusted him. The truth is he would never forgive himself to leave Mayfeld here to deal with all the responsibilities alone. That wasn’t fair to his friend. All those facts didn’t deter Din from mocking and mildly bullying the man though. That was much too fun to give up.

“I have a friend flying in today to baby-sit you.”

“Nice. Got me a nanny too?” Mayfeld replied. “Hope she’s as pretty as yours.”

Din knew the man was only trying to rile him up, and he technically had picked the exact topic that could do it. But, Din didn’t take the bait. He shrugged. “He’s not really my type, but I’ll let you make the call on that.”

“Alright. So I’ll be the Marshal, and he’ll be my Deputy?”

“No. He’ll be Marshal, and you’ll still be Deputy.”

Mayfeld dropped his feet off the desk, hands falling to his side, and his jaw popped open in shock. “Hold on! The new guy gets to be Marshal before I do?? You’re just gonna promote him over me? Immediately.”

“Exactly.”

The man scoffed in response and crossed his arms like a petulant child. It reminded Din of the way Grogu would pout when you told him you couldn’t snack on cookies or cakes right before dinner time or when Din would wrestle a full sized critter out of his son’s mouth before Grogu could swallow it whole. Mayfeld shoved up from his seat to cross the room and pour himself a cup of caf. Din stayed where he was⏤ leaning against Cara’s old desk.

“You tell your girl that you’re leaving yet? Or is that still a secret?”

“I’m going to tell her.” Din said firmly.

Mayfeld slurped out of his mug, purposely trying to annoy him, “You said that four days ago, then three days ago, then two⏤”

“Keep talking and I’ll demote you from Deputy.”

“Is there even a level below deputy??”

“I can make one.” Din replied dryly. A wide grin crossed Mayfeld’s face and Din shook his head with a grumble. “Today. I’ll tell her today.” Mayfeld just stared at him from above the rim of his mug. Din pushed off the desk. “I’m going to do it.”

Mayfeld shrugged in response and Din resisted the urge to throw something at the man. He huffed and turned to leave. Mayfeld called out behind him, a teasing comment, and Din threw him a crude hand gesture over his shoulder causing the man to burst out in laughter. 

It barely took him any time to get from the station to the clinic. When he stepped through the front doors he was greeted by Aayla and one other worker he wasn’t familiar with. The Twi’lek waved him in and hit a button on the desk to unlock the backroom doors. It was the sound of your voice that greeted him first.

“⏤and if you pull those staples out, you’ll be dealing with me.” You stood at the end of a bed with your hands on your hips and your face drawn in concentration. Aayla had found and wrestled you into a white coat when you started and Din would be lying if he said he didn’t like the look on you. Din especially liked watching you take control of a room. You could command a scene with voice and stare alone, and Din really, really liked watching you do it.

“Baby girl,” A vaguely familiar voice chimed and Din frowned at the nickname, “Dealing with you would be my absolute pleasure.”

Din stepped further into the room to see that a worker from the hanger, a Trandoshan man he couldn’t recall the name of, was sitting on a cot with a long cut from wrist to elbow. A line of staples was holding it closed. Din crossed his arms and tilted his head. “Yeah? How about dealing with me?”

The Trandoshan looked to him at the same time you did, and he found it comical how different the reactions were. Your face split into a bright, gorgeous smile while the hangar worker stiffened up and averted his eyes.

“Well, hi there, Marshal.” You cooed and stuck your hands into the pockets of your white coat.

“Do we have a problem?” Din asked, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice.

You turned to look at your patient and raised an eyebrow in question. The Trandoshan glanced at him before looking back to you and shaking his head rapidly. You nodded and reached out to set a hand on Din’s forearm. “I think we’re okay here.”

“Can⏤ Can I⏤?” The worker pointed to the door.

“Yupp. Keep it dry. Come back in a week, and I’ll see if you’re healed enough to take the staples out.”

The Trandoshan jumped up but paused when he realized he was going to have to pass Din in order to get out. Even though Din was technically blocking the way, he kept his position so the man was forced to squeeze around him. When the man was finally out, your laugh filled the air and Din sighed in admiration. You shrugged, smile still in place, “That was kind of fun.”

“How’re you doing?” Din asked.

“I’m okay.” You nodded and then scrunched your nose once. “It’s so weird. I’m still not used to this, but at the same time I am?” You motioned around yourself. “It’s familiar, but it’s not. Am I crazy?”

Din shook his head, “Of course not.”

“Hmm,” You took a step closer to him so you had to lift your face to meet his visor, “I think you’re biased.”

He grinned under his helmet then shrugged. “Maybe.”

“So, what can I do for you, Marshal?”

“Have you had lunch yet?” He asked, and you shook your head in response. “Can I walk with you to get some? You aren’t busy are you?”

You shrugged out of your white coat and tossed it onto a cot. “That’s the beauty of working for a man who is super desperate to keep you around. I can do what I want.” Din chuckled and followed you out of the room. As you passed the front desk, you called out, “Aayla, I’m going. Just call me if any real emergencies come in. Okay?”

“You got it, doc!”

As you both stepped out, Din offered you his arm and you slipped yours through it. He nodded back toward the clinic. “Who is the new girl?”

“Miriam.” You answered. “Aayla is training her to work the front desk so I can train Aayla. She’ll be able to help me with little stuff. I think she’s got a lot of potential.” Din nodded toward a stand merchant who greeted him first. “We’ll be able to see more if I have an assistant, but we still can’t do any routine kind of work. Karga still needs to get another physician to work that side of things.”

Din hummed. “I hear he’s working on it, but I’ll… encourage him to work faster.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” You shook your head. “I can be plenty annoying on my own. You should’ve seen how much I bothered Admin back in Coruscant when I wanted them to buy the emergency department a whole set of ultrasounds.”

Din could imagine the scene and he wished he could’ve seen it. He’d have to make sure he had a front row seat for when you began to hound Karga for this. Without even discussing it, it seemed you both had the same sandwich place in mind⏤ the one that sold the cookies Grogu liked. Din didn’t bother ordering for himself. He wasn’t overly hungry. He mostly just wanted to spend time with you and make sure you took a break to eat. Din watched as you greeted the owners by name and after ordering your food you ordered a pack of cookies for Grogu as well. He could barely even pay attention to the conversation at hand because he was so busy watching you.

Even when the owners offered you the meal for free as a thank you for taking the job in town, you insisted on paying the full price. As you walked out, you frowned at him. “Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?”

“I’m fine, ner kar’ta.” He replied. Din planned finding a bench where you could sit and eat⏤ you had commented about how much you loved the current weather this morning⏤ but the sound of his communicator made him groan.

“What’s going on?” You asked.

Din lifted his vambrace to see he was being hailed to the hanger. “Oh. I have a, uh, friend visiting today. He’s here early.”

“Really?” Your eyes widened.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I have to go meet him.”

Din had begun to pull his arm away, but you kept your grip around it and briefly bit down on your lower lip drawing all his attention to the shape of the lips he loved so much⏤ the lips that haunted his every dream. You pleaded, “Can I please come with you?”

“You want to?” Din was surprised.

“Yeah!” You bounced in place. “I’d love to meet your friend. I mean, if that’s okay?”

“Always. You should start eating while we walk.” Din nodded.

You snickered. “Okay. Bossy.”

Din’s eyes snapped to you, and he chuckled. The two of you changed direction toward the hanger. 

It wasn’t like you weren’t going to meet Cobb Vanth eventually.

The week had gone shockingly well. Better than you could’ve hoped, but then again your expectations were incredibly low. Working in the emergency clinic was actually enjoyable. Karga had tried to rope you into doing everything, but you put a hard stop on that for obvious reasons. Nevarro was still relatively small so when it came to emergencies⏤ there really were not many emergencies. Only a patch up job here and there like with the Trandoshan this morning. Again the bar was low considering you started this job with Nima nearly losing her arm.

Nima had been doing very well physically, but, as much as she tried to hide it, emotionally she had taken a toll. You weren’t sure why Cara left so abruptly. Din and you had talked about it in depth one night after dinner and he seemed to think it was because she had cared too much for Nima too fast. The only opinion you had on the matter was that Cara had certainly gotten on your bad side. You were loyal to your oldest friend and it irked you beyond belief that the once deputy of Nevarro had left when Nima needed her most.

“Where’s your friend from?” You asked as Din and you neared the landing pad.

“Tatooine.”

“Ah, my neck of the woods.”

Din chuckled. “Were you even there long enough to call it your neck of the woods?”

“I lived in Mos Espa for at least half a year. In Tatooine years, that feels like a decade.” You replied and the laugh that left him made your cheeks warm. 

He glanced over at you, your arm still looped through his, “What made you choose Tatooine, anyways?”

“It’s kind of a depressing answer. Definitely a mood killer.” You winced. Din’s feet came to an abrupt stop and he turned so he was facing you entirely. You should’ve guessed he’d have that kind of reaction. You shook your head. “I took care of a patient who said Mos Espa was where lowlifes and runaways escaped to when they had no other world to call home. So…” You shrugged. “I went to Mos Espa.”

“Ner kar’ta⏤”

“I don’t feel that way now. A lot has changed, and I’m not the person who initially fled to Tatooine,” You said quickly, “But you asked why I went, so I said.” With your next words, you kept your voice low so only he could hear you. “I promise I’m okay, Din.”

Din gave you a curt nod. With an amused shake of your head, you slipped your arm through his once more and tugged him toward the landing pad. The Mandalorian warrior let you drag him along, and you could’ve swore he was dragging his feet on purpose to make it more difficult for you. The chuckle that left his helmet confirmed this for you. 

“How long is your friend staying for?” You asked, and Din stayed quiet. “And is his visit a social call? I imagine he’s heartbroken being away from the sands of Tatooine.”

Din’s feet came to a stop once more, but this time it came as a surprise. You paused with him and gave him a curious look. He tilted his head. “About that, I wanted to talk to you about⏤”

“Mando!”

You and Din both turned at the voice. Walking in your direction was a very familiar face. Cobb Vanth? The marshal of Mos Pelgo was a far way from home, but he looked no different than the day you last saw him. His signature red scarf around his neck acting as a homing beacon for your eyes. Vanth’s eyes were initially focused on Din, but then they dragged over to you and he shook his head in surprise.

“Little lady!? Is that you??” Vanth grinned. 

Din and you both snapped to look at one another again rather than the new arrival. At the same time, the same words left your lips. “You know Cobb Vanth!?”

Vanth spread his arms out as he continued to approach, a large duffel bag hanging from his back, “Well, ain’t this a surprise!”

The shock wore off and it finally occurred to you that Cobb Vanth was here. Right here, right in front of you. You let out a laugh and rushed to meet him halfway. He greeted you by wrapping his arms around you in a tight grin⏤ a laugh leaving him as well. What felt like another lifetime ago, you had met Cobb Vanth on your arrival to Tatooine. Though your plan had been to settle in Mos Espa you had accidentally ended up in Mos Eisley. In an attempt to get from one place to the other you got lost in the desert briefly after the land speeder you rented ran out of fuel halfway. It had been your fault for trusting the man you got the speeder from. Rather than dying you were saved by the man you were now hugging. Vanth had even been kind enough to get you to Mos Espa eventually.

You pulled away from Vanth. “It’s so good to see you! You look great.”

“Oh, I know, darling.” Vanth winked. “But still not holding a flame to you.” You chuckled and a hand settled on your shoulder. Din had walked over and you took a step back so you stood right beside him. Vanth motioned to the Mandalorian. “You never told me you knew Mando.”

“I didn’t back when I was with you, Vanth.” You glanced between the two men. “How do you guys know each other?”

Vanth readjusted the bag around his shoulders. “Now that, little lady, is quite the story.” He continued on talking about how Din came looking for a Mandalorian and found Vanth decked out in Mandalorian armor. He followed it by describing how Din ended up flying into a krayt dragon to kill it from inside out. A detail you did not love to hear. “We’ve been best buddies since. Right, pal?”

Din didn’t respond. You were still in awe at the coincidence of it all. You missed your Mandalorian by literal months. Din had swung through Mos Pelgo right before you had. What would’ve happened if you met him then rather than now? 

“Mando?” Vanth questioned. Waving his hand once in front of the helmet. “You alright?”

“I’m fine.” Din replied and you wondered where the tension in his voice had come from. You slipped your arm around his once more and he seemed to relax marginally. He cleared his throat before nodding. “How was your trip, Vanth?”

Vanth’s lips stretched back out into a charming grin. “Hey, I can’t complain. Gotta say Nevarro looks better than I thought it would. I’m excited to explore it.” He chuckled. “The weather ain’t too bad either. I was worried I’d miss that desert air.”

“Don’t worry. These lava plains are plenty hot enough.” You replied. “How long are you here for?”

“Suppose 'til Mando here gets back.”

It took a second for the words to register in your mind, but Din picked it up much faster based on the way his entire body tensed once more. Until he gets back. Gets back? You slowly pulled your arm away from so you could turn and look at him. Before your hand could fall away entirely, Din caught it with his own⏤ holding it against his arm. 

“Wait⏤”

“You’re going somewhere?” You furrowed your brow in confusion. He hadn’t mentioned anything about a trip. Din paused and somehow his hesitance irritated you. “Where?”

Din sighed. “Mandalore.”

Your eyes widened, “Manda⏤ The Mandalore that may or may not be poisoned still?”

“Um. Yes.”

“Okay.” You replied. “Alright.” You pulled your hand out from under Din’s hand and shot Vanth a quick, firm smile. “It was really good to see you, Vanth. Welcome to Nevarro! I guess I’ll be seeing you around.” Din took a step toward you, his nickname for you leaving his lips, but you took a step back. “I need to get back to work, but I’ll see you at home?”

You didn’t give him the chance to answer and turned to leave. If Din called out after you, you didn’t hear him. Your footsteps were rushed as you tried to wrap your head around the information you had just learned. Were you angry? Maybe. It wasn’t a clear cut anger though⏤ it was muddled. There were too many other emotions swirling in your head, but the main one that started to push to the front was disappointment. Every time you thought you understood where you stood with Din it seemed like something happened that made you question it all. Had he just planned on leaving the planet without telling you? Or maybe he wanted to wait until the last second and just wave to you as he took off, or hang a note on the fridge for you to find the morning of. Even if you weren’t in this weird back and forth romantic thing with him, as someone who literally lived in his home and helped care for his child you were incredibly involved in his life. If you were a team, then you needed to know the plan.

More irritation boiled up in your blood, and you found yourself changing direction from the clinic to a familiar house. Your fist was banging on Nima’s door before you fully even registered what it was you wanted to say. Nima opened the door, in her pajamas, and your eyes glanced at the metal brace surrounding her right arm out of habit. 

Nima deflated and whined, “Please, please, please, please tell me you’re here to clear me for work.”

“No. Two more weeks. I’m not changing my mind on that.” You replied and she groaned. “I’m here because apparently Marshal Mando is leaving the planet and hired a replacement marshal but didn’t think to tell me any of this.”

“Come on in. I have alcohol.”

“I told you! I told you⏤ didn’t I tell you??” Mayfeld cried then spun to look at Vanth who was leaning against the wall. “I kriffing told him. Days ago.”

“Please stop talking.” Din groaned as he hung his head back while slouching in the seat. Din thought that the worst part of learning you and Vanth already knew one another would be the tight hug you literally ran to give him. Vanth had pulled you up off your toes in the hug, and the primal side of him yearned for a fight. His hand literally twitched toward his blaster⏤ his kriffing blaster. As if he was going to shoot down his good friend Cobb Vanth who left his town to do him a favor. 

Din had a problem. He was a problem. Growing up the way he had, with the losses he faced, he tended to be possessive of what he considered his own. Din liked to think over the years he had gotten good at reigning that behavior in. He didn’t shoot Vanth, after all. Still, that side of him didn’t hesitate in rearing it’s ugly head in moments like when he watched Cobb Vanth hold you for what he considered to be a second too long. It wasn’t until your arm slipped through his, a soft smile on your face, that he felt the logical side of him slip back into control.

Then, of course, it all went downhill when Vanth accidentally admitted the thing he had yet to tell you. Watching that smile fall off your features, feeling you try to slowly pull away, felt like he had taken blunt force trauma to the chest. It physically hurt and left a raw, aching wound and it only got worse as he watched you walk away. Din put the pain pretty high on the list of ones he experienced, and this was coming from someone who had a job that led him to be stabbed repeatedly. 

“I am sorry about that, Mando.” Vanth spoke up.

“It’s not your fault.” Din straightened his posture and shook his head. “I should’ve told her ages ago. That’s on me.” Vanth had apologized to him multiple times during the walk from the tarmac to the station. He’d do so between asking questions about the town that Din was supposed to be giving him a better tour on. Din rested his elbows on knees. It dawned on him that there was a question he hadn’t asked in his distress. “How do you know her?”

Vanth crossed his arms. “It was a couple months after you left, actually. She got lost between Mos Eisley and Mos Espa.” Din’s eyes widened at the thought of you getting lost in that Maker forsaken desert. Vanth chuckled. “Her land speeder ran out of fuel. It was by pure chance I ran into her. She stayed in Mos Pelgo for a few days then I took her the rest of the way to Mos Espa. We stayed in touch though⏤ here and there.”

Briefly, Din wondered what his life would’ve looked like if the two of you had been in Mos Pelgo at the same time. It was a curious thought but he knew both of you had been different people at that time. Even if it, in the great scheme of things, wasn’t that long ago. Less than a year. Then again, as quickly as you had wormed your way in his heart he couldn’t imagine meeting you months ago would’ve been that different. Din sighed and stood, he grabbed a holopad off the desk remembering that despite his dilemma in breaking your heart today he still had work to do. 

“Yeah.” Vanth hummed. “Little lady and I didn’t see each other often, but she’d visit me or I’d visit her for the occasional hook up.”

Din’s head snapped to glare at Vanth and, in an attempt to ensure his hands were free, he slammed the holopad back down onto the desk⏤ ignoring the tell tale sound of cracking glass. Vanth’s lips curled up into a mischievous grin and Din was half tempted to drag him back to the tarmac and ship his ass to Tatooine. Mayfeld burst into laughter and Din just shook his head.

“Sorry, brother.” Vanth chuckled. “I saw how up in arms you got out on the tarmac. Couldn’t help myself.”

“Hilarious.” Din replied. 

Eventually, Mayfeld and Vanth wandered out so the newest temporary marshal could get acquainted with the town and meet Karga. It gave Din a couple of hours to work though he spent most of it internally spiraling over the moment your entire face fell. He hated that he had been the cause of that⏤ just because he had been too scared to fess up. His communicator began to go off and Din answered it.

“Hi, Marshal?” A woman’s voice said. Din confirmed who it was. “This is Ms. Wynn, I’m in charge of Grogu’s class. Everything's still fine, but class ended about twenty minutes ago and I haven’t seen you or Soran. Is everything alright?”

Din shoved up from his desk’s chair. “I’ll be right there.”

On his way out the door, he called Aayla at the clinic to see if you had just gotten caught up with a patient, but the woman claimed she hadn’t seen you since he took you out for lunch. The clinic had been quiet otherwise. Din’s stomach churned uncomfortably as he hurried to pick up his son. Were you alright? Or were you so upset that you refused to even care for Grogu? Din knew the moment that thought crossed his mind that he was wrong. Regardless of how upset you were with him, you’d never take it out on the little boy. Din just hoped you were okay.

You narrowed your eyes at Nima as she downed the last of her beer, “Is this all you’ve been doing all day? Drinking?”

“Well, I can’t work, so…” Nima shrugged. When she offered you a drink you had turned it down, technically still on shift as the physician, but she hadn’t stopped from drinking herself. You had come here to rant about Din, but as it turned out you both had plenty to complain about. For hours, you and her had sat on the back porch of her house . The last thirty minutes or so you were trying to pry information out of Nima about how she felt about the Cara situation, but the mechanic would simply shrug it away. You knew she was hurting more than she claimed though. “Do the skies look gross to you?”

“What?” You blurted and slumped down in your seat.

“The sky. It looks…icky.”

You peered up best you could, and in her defense icky was probably the best word. The day had started clear, but the sky now had a greenish tinge to it. It reminded you of the beginnings of a storm, but you couldn’t see any clouds. You leaned out further to look and by doing so it gave you a clear view of Nima’s kitchen through a side window where you saw a clock resting against her wall. 3:37. Dank farrik. You jumped up.

“Karking⏤ Grogu!” You panicked. Shit, shit, shit. “Stop drinking, Nima.”

She mumbled a confirmation that you didn’t firmly believe then started sprinting back to the center of town. You had never, ever been late to pick up Grogu before. Guilt gnawed at you imagining Grogu looking for you in a crowd of parents and not being able to find you. Maker, how could you lose track of time like that? You got to the school in record time to find that all the kids were gone. Ms. Wynn was cleaning up around a room and she said Din had come and picked him up about ten minutes ago. 

As much as you wanted to avoid Din for a little while longer, you needed to see Grogu so you could apologize to him. On your way in you passed Mayfeld and Vanth who were standing in the lobby. They both raised their hands to greet you and you blew past them without preamble. You were a woman on a mission. 

“Grogu?” You called out, searching the room. Faintly, you could hear Grogu calling back to you and he waddled into the room a second later. You breathed a sigh of relief and knelt down to scoop him up into a hug. “I’m so sorry, baby. I am so, so sorry.”

“No sorry.” Grogu hummed giving your cheek a small pat making you chuckle.

The sound of a throat clearing had you glancing up to see Din leaning against the doorway that would lead back to his office. You were in an odd position because you were still upset at him from leaving you in the dark, but you were also ashamed and embarrassed at missing Grogu’s pick up time.

“Hi.” You mumbled awkwardly.

“I’m sorry.” Din blurted. Your eyes narrowed. Was he not going to address the ‘you abandoned Grogu’ thing first? “I should’ve told you sooner that Grogu and I are going to Mandalore.”

You slowly stood up with the cooing child in your arms. “You and… You’re taking Grogu?? To Mandalore??” If he heard the rising anger in your voice, he didn’t show it. “The planet that, again, we don’t know is even habitable?”

“Of course. Where I go, he goes.” Din shrugged nonchalantly. You blinked once, and Din finally seemed to catch onto at least one of the thoughts you had. “I want you to go, but I can’t pull you away from Nevarro. Not when you just started working in the clinic, and if I did choose to leave Grogu here that would just be added stress for you.”

Right. Because worrying about Din and Grogu on some wasteland of a planet wasn’t a stress factor. You locked your jaw and let out a slow breath through your nose. The boy in your arms seemed to latch onto the tension faster than his father did based on the worried looks he was bouncing between the two of you. Finally, you found your voice, “I forgot Grogu at school. I lost track of time. I⏤”

“It was an accident, I know. I’m not mad.” Din said calmly. 

He wasn’t mad. Din wasn’t mad, and somehow that made you even angrier. A part of you wondered if he was purposely not showing any anger in an attempt to keep you from being angry. One mistake for another mistake. Tit for tat. Maybe he was trying to make up for the fact that he knew he upset you, but you hated the calm demeanor he still seemed to carry. It occurred to you then, that you wanted him to be angry. You wanted to argue. The Mandalorian in front of you was the picture perfect example of composure and it pissed you off.

“You’re not angry.” You enunciated each word.

“Of course not, ner kar’ta.” Din shook his head. He drifted closer. “We should talk more about this trip⏤”

“Why?” You shrugged and pasted a large smile on your face. If he wanted to be composed then you’d be composed too. “I should check on the clinic one last time before heading home. I’ll take Grogu with me. Get as much time with him as I can before you boys go on your little adventure.”

Din shifted his weight from one foot to the other, a nervous tic you usually only saw at home, “Yeah. I might be late getting back. It looks like there might be a volcanic ash storm rolling in soon. Nevarro hasn’t seen one since before the guild left here.”

“No problem.” You said. “I’ll see you at home.”

Din began to take a step toward you, but you turned on your heel to leave with Grogu. You knew you were being petty, but right now you didn’t really care. If the two of you were playing mistake for mistake then this seemed fair too. You were petty to him and he didn’t tell you that he planned to leave you alone on this planet without him or Grogu. Tit for tat.

Din watched you leave with the sinking feeling that the interaction between the two of you had not gone well. Mayfeld stepped in with an incredulous look while Din continued to just stand with his arms crossed over his chest.

Mayfeld scoffed and motioned behind him, “How in the hell did you make it worse?”

Din mumbled a string of curses in every language he was familiar with and pushed past Mayfeld to leave. The man fell into step beside him. As much as he wanted to chase after you, he needed to help get the city prepped for the oncoming storm. Mayfeld, never able to take a hint, shook his head, “I mean, geez Mando. How is it you can string up a quarry in seconds, but can’t figure out how to apologize to a woman?”

“Where is Vanth?” Din asked, ignoring Mayfeld’s own line of questioning.

“Walking your girl to the clinic then home.”

Din locked his jaw. That was good to hear. He wanted to be the one to walk you and his son back to the safety of your shared home, but considering the circumstance he was just glad you weren’t alone. Din ordered Mayfeld to take the eastern side of the city and warn all citizens to bring in or tie down their outdoor belongings while he took the west. 

He didn’t get it. Had you wanted him to be angry at you? Din was a little peeved, it’d be a lie to say that he wasn’t. He had to leave work to pick up Grogu despite you taking on that responsibility this morning. Since starting at the clinic, you and him had taken turns, but Din liked to know beforehand so he wasn’t just up and leaving the station. If an emergency happened, where you were needed with a patient, that was more than understandable, but that hadn’t been the case. You had just lost track of time. A very human mistake to make, and honestly it was your first when it came to Grogu. So, yes, Din was a little peeved, but he wasn’t angry.

Din pushed it out of mind. You knew the truth, and he could better explain himself tonight when he got home. Right now, he needed to focus on the task at hand. 

According to Karga, the volcanic ash storms were quick but deadly. The closest volcano would spew out a hot and devastating breath of ash. It’d roll over the city, blanketing everything in darkness, but it usually was blown away and gone in a matter of hours. Din had heard plenty about them, but they had never occurred while he was planet side. As long as there was proper prep to begin with then it should be a smooth transition. Karga, ever the planner, had built the city buildings with proper metal shields to roll down over windows and doors in the case of a storm. Everybody would stay indoors for a half a day, and then they’d spend the rest cleaning up.

Din wondered if his helmet was equipped to withstand the ash. It should be. The beskar and his flight suit would keep the hot ash from burning his skin, and if his helmet worked correctly then the filter should keep out most of the dangerous ash. He only wondered in case he needed to venture out to save a citizen or two. They were making the rounds to tell everyone that staying indoors was an order, but Din knew with his luck one or two people would ignore the warning.

It took hours to ensure the entire city was ready to be locked down and make sure that Vanth found his place and that it worked for the man. Din had simply housed him in Cara’s old place. It was still furnished and it wasn’t like Vanth needed anything permanent. The storm was still being estimated at being 24 or 36 hours out. It would give Din, Mayfeld, and Vanth time in the morning and afternoon to run through the city once more for final checks.

“Hey,” Din called out as he stepped into the house with a sigh. When he rounded the corner he noted that you were in the kitchen alone and cleaning up. He glanced around, “Grogu?”

“Bathed and in bed.” You replied without missing a beat. “It’s late.”

“Yeah, sorry, getting the city prepped took longer than I thought it would.” Din groaned. “How was⏤”

“I have leftover dinner for you.” You interrupted him and motioned to the stove. “But I figure you’ll want to clean up first.”

Din nodded in relief, “Thank you.” You gave him a tight nod, a smile that didn’t reach your eyes painted your lips, and he paused before heading back to the shower. “Hey, you’re not going to bed are you? I wanted to talk.”

“I’m not going to bed.” You shook your head.

“Good.” Din turned and hurried off. From the moment Vanth let slip that he was leaving, Din had been craving to sit down next to you and explain everything. He wanted to take your hand in his and reassure you that everything was going to be okay, they wouldn't be gone long, and it killed him to leave you behind. Din wanted to explain that he was leaving to find redemption and revenge. Though, he wasn’t quite sure how you’d handle that information.

As Din washed the day off of him, he wondered how you’d feel about that? If he told you the absolute truth that he planned to find redemption in part so he could court you. If he told you that he planned on tracking down Daelar to rip the man’s throat out. He wasn’t positive how you’d handle either fact, but he was positive that he needed to tell you. Din was human, he made mistakes, but he made it a mission in life to not make the same mistake twice.

After getting dressed, Din carried all his armor, sans his helmet, into the room to set aside. He paused long enough to check in on Grogu and tuck the blanket thrown haphazardly around the hammock around the boy’s small body. “Nuhoy morut'yc, adi’ka.” Din readjusted the stuffed frog in Grogu’s hammock with a smile and left the room as quietly as possible. A nervous energy settled along his skin and he rolled his shoulders once, “Ner kar’ta?”

The kitchen was empty and Din titled his head in confusion at the finding. His eyes landed on a plate of food waiting for him on the island counter and drifted closer. Sitting beside the plate was a small note with the most passive aggressive of all smiley faces he had seen drawn.

‘Went out with Nima. Don’t wait up’.

Din aggressively tore his helmet off and the only thing that kept him from slamming it onto the counter was the knowledge that the sound would wake up Grogu. His nervous energy melted into irritation. Sure, he hadn’t clarified that he wanted to talk when he asked if you were going to bed, but Din knew his intentions had been clear. That’s why you had deliberately answered his question in such a specific manner. His hands clenched and unclenched as he took a slow and steadying breath. 

He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t. Din repeated this under his breath in an attempt to convince himself of it.

It was funny. The last time you sat in this cantina with Nima, in these exact chairs, the two of you had also been talking about Din. The subject last time was how awkward it was to tiptoe around him in his own home. Mashal Daddy, is what Nima had called him last time.

“Marshal Dickhead.” Nima scoffed before taking the shot in front of her. She pushed your shot glass closer to you and you tossed it back as well. The liquid burned the entire way down and you grimaced. It had been ages since you drank to this degree⏤ you were a light weight now. “That’s what he is.”

You shook your head. “No, he isn’t.”

“Okay, I need you to work on your shit talk.” Nima pointed at you. “Defending the person you’re complaining about is kind of redundant.”

You tapped your glass and the bartender wandered back over to pour the both of you another shot which you took without hesitation. Nima tried to get them to pour another, but you shook your head and ordered two mixed drinks instead. At least those had something other than straight liquor in it. 

“I’m pissed at him, but I don’t wanna shit talk him.” You replied.

“Then what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.” You sighed. “I want to fight.” Nima gave you a questionable look and you shook your head. “Not physically. Maker, I don’t have a death wish.” Picking to tussle with a Mandalorian could possibly be the stupidest choice in the galaxy. “But I want to argue with him.”

Nima narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“Because I⏤ I⏤” Your words got caught in your throat and you tried to wash it down with a large swig of your drink, to no avail. It was dumb to want to argue, wasn’t it? Couples tried to avoid that. Not that the two of you were an official couple. You groaned and buried your face into your hands⏤ already feeling dizzy from the drinks. You wanted him to be upset with you, to feel comfortable enough around you to show that he was upset. Up until now, the two of you hadn’t had any real arguments. Sure, there were little tiffs here and there about nothing important, and it typically always ended with Din conceding the point with a shrug. Despite what most people seemed to think, you knew that towering wall of beskar had emotions. He had a lot of kriffing emotions, and you wanted to see all of them. Even the negative ones. 

“I think I get it. The ‘wanting to argue’ thing.” Nima said softly. You lifted your head to look at her and she gave you a small smile. The Twi’lek reached out to set her hand on your shoulder with a comforting squeeze. “You want to have hot, angry make-up sex.”

Despite the sullen thoughts weighing you down, her words made a loud laugh slip from your lips. Nima look affronted that you were laughing at her theory, but you just shook your head and let the laughter die down to chuckles.

“I was serious.”

“I know you were. That’s why it’s funny.” You replied and took another sip of your drink. “But, I think I want to have not angry sex with him before I go for the other stuff.”

Nima’s eyes widened, “Wait, you guys haven’t⏤” You shook your head. “What the kriff are you waiting for!?”

“I don’t know.” You admitted. It was a fair question. “I think we’re going slow.”

“But, why?” Nima replied. “It’s obvious the two of you wanna jump each other’s bones. Half the city thinks you’re already married to him.”

You furrowed your brow, “Yeah, why is that? I get that the evidence stacked against us is damning, but to just assume we’re married?”

“Oh, I’ve been telling everyone the two of you are married.” Nima replied.

“What? Why??”

“I don’t know.” Nima shrugged. “Seemed fun. Figure it’ll be true one day.”

You scoffed, “Well, it won’t be if he disappears on the cursed world of Mandalore.” 

The words fell out of your lips with more pain than you meant to convey. Nima’s face fell and you lifted your drink to knock back the rest of it. That was a possibility, wasn’t it? Din and Grogu leave you to never return. Then what? You live in the house you shared with them alone? Listening to the ghostly echoes of where they used to be?

“Shots.” Nima called out to the bartender. “We need more shots.”

The two of you were four more shots in when a familiar face wandered toward you. Vanth leaned against the bar on your other side with a smile that you could tell was concerned. “Hey there, ladies.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy!” Nima drunkenly lifted herself from her seat, nearly toppling over, and pointed at Vanth. “We aren’t interested. She’s married,” Nima pointed to you then pointed back to herself, “And I like pussy.”

Vanth’s eyes widened and you dragged her back down into her seat. “First, stop telling people I’m married. Second, stop announcing to the bar that you like pussy. And, third,” You motioned for Vanth to take a seat beside you which he did, “This is Cobb Vanth. He’s a friend from Tatooine and the replacement Marshal while Di⏤ Mando is gone.”

In your own tipsy stupor, you had nearly said Din’s name aloud. Luckily, Nima was too gone to notice and Vanth didn’t seem to care. He leaned over to over his hand in greeting. “It’s nice to meet you…?”

“Nima.” She replied curtly and held her hand out like a queen offering it to a peasant. You rolled your eyes, but Vanth just changed the position of his own hand to take hers with a small shake.

“Nima.” Vanth said. “Can I buy you two drinks?”

“I insist you do.” Nima nodded and pulled her hand away.

You chuckled with a shake of your head and tossed back the rest of the one in front of you so Vanth could get you a fresh one. Nima was babbling about something mechanical that you couldn’t follow along with and directing her words to anyone who glanced her way. 

“I’ve already apologized to Mando, but I feel like I owe you an apology too.” Vanth said. “I’m sorry about what happened on the tarmac.”

You snorted. “It wasn’t your fault for assuming Mando wasn’t keeping secrets.”

“I don’t know if I’d call it a secret.” Vanth shrugged, catching the bartender’s eye and holding up three fingers. He turned back to you. “I think the poor guy was just scared.”

“Mandalorians don’t feel fear.” Nima blurted out from behind you, apparently a part of the conversation now.

You shook your head. “I don’t care if he was scared as long as he tells me that he is.”

“Fair request.” Vanth shrugged. The drinks were brought over and you took a small sip of yours. The tipsy buzz floating in your skull was slowly shifting to just plain drunk, and a sadness crept in alongside it. You suddenly wished you were at home curled in bed⏤ curled in his bed. Listening to the soft snores of both him and Grogu. “So,” Vanth’s voice snapped you out of Din’s dark and safe room and back into the noisy cantina, “Where does that leave the two of you?”

“She’s dropping his ass.” Nima barked.

“Nima⏤” You whirled on her.

“You don’t need him! He’s abandoning you!” Nima cried and you took in the way her lower lip quivered for just a moment. “We don’t need either of them! They can⏤ They can go explore the kriffing galaxy or join the New Republic’s special forces team or whatever it is they want to do! We don’t care. We’re better than that. We don’t need them.” She turned and shook her head before taking a large sip of her drink. “I’m better off without her.”

You reached out, wordlessly, and pulled her hand away from the glass so you could hold it. Nima tangled her fingers with yours and squeezed once⏤ hers eyes glistening with unshed tears. You knew she had taken Cara’s departure worse than she wanted to admit. Nima was right. She didn’t need Cara. Nima was strong and beautiful and smart and incredible. Cara had been a friend but she had also been a bump in the road. She left selfishly when Nima needed her most, but Nima was going to rise above it. However, she had been wrong about you.

You did need Din. That’s why the thought of him leaving Nevarro was so jarring and painful. Coming here had been a way to escape your past and hide out, but you had never expected to find someone who would grow to be so important. Honestly, it was a bit scary if you thought about it for too long, but the truth was that you needed Din in your life. Him and Grogu. Without them, you’d have a gaping hole in your heart and you weren’t sure there was anything else in the universe that could fill that. Din hadn’t fully explained his reasoning, you hadn’t given him the chance, but you knew he wasn’t leaving you. Nima had been blindsided by Cara and left with nothing. Maybe it would’ve taken him forever, but Din wouldn’t leave without saying good-bye and you knew⏤ deep, deep down⏤ that he’d fight tooth and nail to return to you. 

“I’m sorry to ruin your night, Vanth.” You said, “But I think we’re gonna call it quits.”

“Don’t be silly.” Vanth shook his head. He tossed back his drink before rising himself. “I’ll walk you ladies home.”

You gave him a thankful smile knowing you were in no state to navigate to Nima’s house in the dark, put her to rest, then find your way back home yourself. Vanth chose to help Nima walk considering you had at least a little better control over your legs. The three of you stumbled out of the cantina into the warm night air⏤ it was time to go home.

Din didn’t have the time to put all his armor on, it was nearing one in the morning when his communicator went off, so he had simply thrown on the upper half of his flight suit, gloves, and boots. It left him in one of the more ridiculous outfits he wore considering his sweatpants did not match any item he adorned, but he just needed to get the door.

When he swung it open, Vanth stood on his porch with you in his arms sleeping soundly. He nodded toward your figure, “She was wide awake when we dropped off her friend, and was doing decent on the way here, but by time I reached the end of you street she was dozing off on her feet.”

“Thank you.” Din mumbled. He was quick to step forward and take you into his arms⏤ not enjoying the way you were snuggled into Vanth. Though he did appreciate the man bringing you home. “I really do appreciate this.” You shifted so you could bury your head into the crook of his neck and Din sighed. “Was she… How was she when you found her at the cantina?”

Vanth didn’t answer at first. He stared at Din for what felt like a long moment before looking at you then back to him again. Vanth chuckled, “I know I’m new to town, brother, so take this with a grain of salt.” He shook his head. “But it’s obvious she cares about you as much as you care about her. A fight now and then is normal, but don’t let it go on for too long. You don’t get time wasted back.”

“Thanks for the tip.” Din mumbled. 

Vanth gave him a quick nod before turning on his heel and leaving. Din shut the front door with his foot and carried you through the quiet house until he reached your room. The thought that you spent the night drinking until you were too inebriated to get home yourself bothered him more than he wanted to admit. You were a grown woman who could do what you wanted, but you had gone to specifically avoid talking to him. He found that incredibly annoying. 

It was like you were purposefully trying to rile him into lashing out, and that’s the last thing Din wanted to do. Din had a temper, but back during his bounty hunting years that was easily handled. He’d get angry, he’d go hunt a quarry and burn that emotion right out of himself. Now, he was in a setting where he didn’t have an outlet and he worked hard to keep that temper under wraps. Din had lashed out at Karga a time or two since his arrival, but that was expected and Karga was no stranger to his anger. 

Din settled you on your bed and began to carefully take off your boots followed by your socks and pants. He kept his gaze off your lower half as his only goal was to make you more comfortable. He stood and pulled your covers up to tuck you in. Din paused for a moment before pulling his helmet off and tucking it under one arm. He ran a hand through his messy hair and sighed. Maker, you were driving him up the wall. You had no idea the kind of fire you were playing with. It’s not like you were in danger, Din would tear his own heart out before hurting you, but he didn’t want to yell at you. 

“Ni aalar sha yaim ti gar.” Din sighed aloud. A reminder. He leaned forward to press his lips against your temple. Din would not lose his temper with you because he could not afford to lose you. He turned off your automatic alarm sitting on the night stand by the bed and wished you the same farewell he had to Grogu earlier in the night. “Nuhoy morut’yc, ner kar’ta.”

The headache you woke up with was nasty, and you swore in that moment to never drink again. Probably a fruitless promise to yourself, and not the first time you had claimed it, but right now you were miserable. You groaned and rubbed your face in your pillow before sitting up with a grunt. There was a weird amount of sunlight in your room and not just in ‘my poor hungover eyes are overly sensitive’ kind of way. You rubbed your face, glancing around, and it was then you realized the alarm sitting by your bed was off.

“Shit.” You breathed and jumped out of bed. The sheets tangled around your lower leg and you hit the floor with a curse. First you forgot to pick Grogu up from school and now you’d be late to taking him to school. Maker, you were so stupid. As reliving as it had been to drink and talk to Nima last night, it hadn’t been worth it for this. The speed in which you got dressed was startling and you burst into Din’s room to find it empty.

Your hungover brain realized much too late that this could’ve been bad if Din were in here with his helmet off. “Grogu??” You hurried out of the room and into the hall. When you stepped into the kitchen you were met with the smell of food and the sound of babbling. Grogu sat in his high chair eating with his father right beside him dressed and ready for work. “Grogu.”

“Ma!” Grogu greeted briefly before diving back into his food.

Din turned to stare at you and you rubbed your face in embarrassment, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why my alarm wasn’t on.”

“I turned it off.” Din shrugged. “Vanth brought you home late. Figured you needed to sleep in.” Din rose from his seat and began to try and clean Grogu up from the mess he had made of breakfast. “You’re fine. I can take Grogu to school this morning.”

“What?” You gaped in disbelief. 

“What?” Din echoed. 

“You hired me to take care of Grogu while you worked and I am failing at that right now.” You spat.

Din scoffed. “Failing is a bit dramatic. You made a mistake. It happens.”

“I show up passed out from drinking on a work night, and your response was to tuck me in and turn off my alarm??” You said as your voice began to raise. “Seriously??”

“Wasn’t a work night.” Din replied calmly. “I wasn’t on schedule.”

You groaned in frustration, “That’s not the damn point, Din!”

“Then what is the point?”

“The point is you’re supposed to be upset! You’re supposed to be angry!” You snapped. Grogu cooed nervously from his seat and you bit back as much of your anger as you could. “It’s a normal human response. Why can’t you just admit that you’re angry at me!?”

Din set his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Why do you want me to be angry at you so badly?”

“Because I want you to be human around me!” You snapped.

Din stiffened, and as much as you hated the way you worded that, you thought maybe it would be the line that pushed him over the edge. Instead, he just gave you a tight shrug. “Sorry. I didn’t realize I wasn’t being human around you.”

“Really?” You laughed in broken disbelief. “You’re not even going to react to that shitty thing I just said?” Din remained silent. “Whatever. I’m taking Grogu to school.”

“You don’t have to do that⏤”

“Actually, I do.” You replied sharply and scooped the boy up from the chair. Grogu reached up to set a hand on your face and you sighed⏤ momentarily finding peace. When your gaze lifted up to spot Din once more the peace fell away. “It’s my job. Remember? Might as well do what I was hired to do while Grogu is still in Nevarro.”

Din didn’t respond. He stood stock still. Enough so that a stranger could walk in and confuse him for a droid. On your way out, you scooped up Grogu’s bag by the door and hurried out. There was a sharp, acidic tang in the air that greeted you and you flinched at the smell. The sky was uglier than it had been yesterday, but you were already late so you pressed on. 

The entire rushed walk to school, you spent it apologizing to Grogu for yelling at his father in front of him. You shouldn’t have lost your temper in front of the child. As if he understood the situation entirely, Grogu babbled along with you and continued to give your face small pats of reassurance. Right outside of the school, Ms. Wynn stuck her head out to greet you.

“Hey, Wynn. I am so sorry about yesterday and for being late this⏤”

“Hurry, get in.” She grasped you by the wrist and tugged you inside. She shut the door tightly behind you and you glanced around the room to see all the children being kept busy by the other school workers. You gave Ms. Wynn a confused look and she sighed. “The storm is coming sooner than everyone thought. The watch people are estimating it to hit city center in the next twenty minutes or so. You can’t be outside.”

You shrugged, “I can get to clinic in fifteen.”

Grogu wiggled and whined in your arms so you set him down so he could run off to play with his friends. Ms. Wynn shook her head. “No. It’s not worth the risk. Volcanic ash storms are incredibly dangerous. The entire city is locking up right now.” You still thought you’d be able to make it, but before you could argue further your communicator began to beep. “I’ll let you take that. I need to start class.”

You nodded and watched her walk off before activating your communicator. “Hello⏤”

“Ner kar’ta?” Din’s voice crackled to life⏤ panic evident. “Where are you and Grogu??”

“At school. Wynn just locked us in for the storm.”

“Good.” You heard Din breathe out a breath of relief. “Just stay there until the storm passes. It should be over by this evening.” There was an awkward pause of silence before he cleared his throat. “If you need anything, call me. Please.”

“I will.” You replied. Then added, “You’ll be safe at home, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” You hummed. “I’ll, uh, talk to you later.”

The call ended miserably and you wandered to the side of the room where you could drop into a chair. The good news was you wouldn’t have to worry about Grogu like some parents probably worried about their kids. Minutes later, the sound of strong wind and debris rattled the metal sheet covering the window you sat by. It made you jump in alarm and you silently thanked Wynn for stopping you.

That had come much sooner than twenty minutes.

You had to applaud Ms. Wynn and the other workers for their tenacity. The storm outside sounded miserable and terrifying, but the kids seemed nonplussed by it with the way the teachers distracted them. Around the end of the first hour, Aayla contacted you to ask about a few people who had wandered out into the storm and then stumbled into the clinic. Most of the injuries had been superficial⏤ the exposure short term as they came from nearby buildings. You walked her through how to mix some paste for burns.

It was during the second hour that the patients got too complicated for Aayla.

“I don’t know what to do, Doc.” Aayla’s voice shook. “I keep having him use his inhaler, but after a few minutes he ends up needing it again.”

“I’m worried he’s scorched his lungs. His asthma making it that much worse.”

“Do I mix a paste? Or⏤ Or make a solution?”

You sank in your seat. It was a solution that needed to be made, which you trusted Aayla to do, but that fluid then needed to be aerosolized. That way the patient could breathe it right into his lungs. Working with the machine that did so was tricky and even you weren’t the best at it. You hated the idea of getting Aayla to attempt it only to make a mistake and take on that guilt herself. She was still new to medicine. That kind of guilt shouldn’t be weighed on her conscience considering she hadn’t been trained for this.

“What’s his oxygen status right now?” You asked.

“It’s in the mid-80s and that’s with an oxygen mask on.”

Dank farrik. He might not make it to the end of this storm. The patient could crash much sooner than that. You gave Aayla a few orders to keep the man stable then pushed to stand. You caught Wynn’s attention and the woman drifted closer after helping a child with a small task. She gave you a warm smile, and you returned a skeptical one.

“Hi. So, I need a jacket, scarf, and some sunglasses.”

Wynn warned you against your idea, but you were dead set. You had no choice. So, ignoring her advice, you pressed on. You soaked the scarf in cold water then wrapped it a few times around your mouth and nose to use as a makeshift filter. The glasses would hopefully at least protect your eyes a little, and the jacket was to cover up the remainder of your skin. You were thankful you hadn’t worn shorts today. 

You had traveled to the back door to leave that way none of the ash would slip into the same room as the kids. It would take you 15 minutes to get to the clinic. It was now or never, you supposed.

Din was furious. His temper running hotter than the volcanic ash whipping around him. As it turned out, his helmet would keep out the dangerous conditions surrounding him. Grogu’s teacher had reached out to him to let him know that you had traveled out into the storm to reach a patient. She had done so to ensure that someone else was aware of the situation. Din had thanked her before rushing out himself. 

He asked one thing of you today. One. 

He just wanted you to stay inside the kriffing school with Grogu. It wasn’t asking a lot considering the literal fire and ash raining outside. It was common sense for someone to stay inside. Din was literally just asking you to follow common human survival instincts, yet you still left. You left, not protected in beskar as he was, but rather dressed in a wet scarf and jacket. As if that was going to help a karking thing.

Din tried to hail you over the communicator but it never got through. He told himself it was because of the storm. If even a little ash got into the communicator it’d glitch. That had to be it. Din refused to believe anything could have happened to you. Still, fear mingled with his rage, but he chose to ignore that for the time being.

Black and gray wind swirled around him, whipping his cloak in every direction, as flickers of burning ash drifted in the air. It was so thick that he could barely see a few feet in front of him. If he wasn’t careful, he could step right over you on accident and not even know it. The thick ash was beginning to settle on the ground in thick piles like the snow of Hoth. When he reached the clinic doors, he saw the metal shutters were down. Din didn’t hesitate to slam his hand against the metal as hard as he could.

If nobody opened the door soon he’d break through the shutters. Sure, ash would collect in the clinic lobby, but he’d deal with that problem later. Luckily for everyone, the shudders cracked open and Din quickly slipped through. Miriam, the new girl, had opened the door for him. Din didn’t mean to blow her off, but he sped past her. She was clever enough to open the second set of doors without him having to have asked. 

Inside the room, were a few people sitting on the cots or against the wall with a pink paste rubbed into splotches on their skin. Aayla stood in front of an older man who was struggling to breathe. A nebulizer, the same kind of machine that blasted a mist of medicine for Grogu, was being held up in front of his mouth.

“Where the kriff is she?” Din snapped.

Aayla nervously stiffened in place. She pointed out of the room, “There’s a small break room down the hall. She’s⏤She’s in there.” Din spun to leave, but Aalya called out to him. He nearly ignored her until she spoke again. “I think she’s more injured than she lets on. There’s some leftover pink paste from the last batch for her skin burns. Right now, she’s using the other nebulizer.”

Din huffed out a small thanks before snatching the jar off a side table and following her instructions out of the room. He wasn’t familiar with the back halls of the clinic, but he didn’t need any more clues to find you. Halfway down the hall he could hear a barking cough. Din picked up his pace then threw the break room door open hard enough that it slammed into the wall.

You startled where you were sitting at a table with a nebulizer mask held in front of your face. Your eyes widened in surprise and you opened your mouth to begin to say his name only for you to begin coughing violently. Just for a moment, his anger subsided. Din hurried over and set a hand on your shoulder to evaluate your injuries.

“Injuries. What’s wrong?”

“Just⏤ Just some burns.” Your voice was hoarse. “Worst of it⏤,” You began to cough again, “Lungs. In my lungs. Medicine will help.”

You took a few more deep breaths of the nebulizer and Din let his eyes trace your exposed skin. There were patches of mildly burned skin on your hands and on your forehead and upper cheeks. The pattern made it clear to see the shape of the sunglasses you had worn. Din tore off his glove and threw it aside rougher than he intended. Your eyes widened but you didn’t say anything. Din dug his fingers into the paste and began to rub it over every single burn he could see on you⏤ no matter how small. 

When he was appeased that he got every single injury, Din shoved the jar aside angrily and huffed, “Are you out of your damn mind?”

“No.” You replied. Your voice already sounding better. “It’s not like I had a choice.”

“Excuse me?” Din narrowed his eyes at you.

“I had a patient who needed me.” You shrugged. Then, you had the audacity to roll your eyes and mutter under your breath, “Just relax, Din.”

Din pushed to stand so fast that the chair he sat in went sprawling back and you jumped at the sound. He set his hands on the table and leaned toward you. “Relax? Did you just tell me to kriffing relax??” You stared at him silently, and Din took a step back with a shake of his head. He scoffed. “Relax.” Din felt his blood boiling under his skin. “Bic ni skana'din.”

“Din⏤”

“No.” Din snapped. “You’re going to sit there, and you’re going to listen to me.” He leaned in once more. “You wanted me angry? Well, now I’m angry! Dank farrik! What the kriff were you thinking!? I told you to stay in the school. I made myself very clear.” He slammed a hand down onto the table in frustration. “Do you realize how badly that could’ve ended?!”

You set down the nebulizer mask, “Din, I had to⏤”

He reached out to snatch the mask from the table where you set it and forced it back into your hand. Din shoved your hand up so it was holding the mask by your mouth once more. “No, you didn’t. Those patients look fine in there.”

“The old man wasn’t.” You snapped back with a glare of your own. “He might not have made it till the end of the storm.”

“Was there a chance he could’ve?”

“I mean, I guess, but there was just as equal of a chance that he wouldn’t. I⏤”

“Then that’s the risk that gets made.” Din yelled. “You don’t risk your life like that ever again. Do you hear me!?”

“I’m a physician!” You cried. “What would you have me do, Din? Risk him dying⏤”

“Yes.” Din reached out and wrapped his hand gently on the side of your face. Din was breathing hard, his rage making him shake, but he kept his touch soft as he forced you to face him. “That’s exactly what I would have you do. I don’t give two shits about him, but you I can’t live without, ner kar’ta. Is that not clear to you!?” 

You shook your head. “You don’t mean that. You wouldn’t risk him dying.”

“Wouldn’t I?” Din let out a harsh laugh. He wouldn’t risk one of the citizens of his city dying. In your shoes, he probably would’ve done the same thing⏤ but that wasn’t the point. Din sucked in a sharp breath trying to get back to the point he was making. “If I tell you to stay put, in order to keep you safe, you will listen to me. Do you understand?” Your eyebrows furrowed deeper and Din understood the immediate distaste for his words, but he didn’t care. “I said, do you kriffing understand?”

The nebulizer stopped on it’s own and you tossed aside the mask before standing up with a scoff, “I understand, but I’m not promising you I won’t do the exact same thing again.” You tried to walk around the table, out of his reach, but Din mirrored your movements and met you on the other side to block you in. You shook your head. “This is my job. Helping people is what I do. I’m not going to put people at risk just because you don’t trust me to be competent enough to succeed.”

Maker, you were the most frustrating woman⏤ Din’s hands found his hips as he leaned into your space. “You think it’s a trust thing?” He barked out an angry laugh. “All it takes is one mistake, one miscalculated step, and that’s it. It’s not about competence or about trust. It’s about gambling, and I’m not going to let you gamble your life away for a stranger.”

“As if you’ve never gambled your life for a stranger before?? I highly doubt that.” You spat. “Din, you’re a good man and if you think⏤”

“No.”

You narrowed your eyes. “What?”

“I said, no. I’m not.” Din said through clenched teeth. You were going to be the death of him. He was vibrating with frustration. Fear grabbed control of him at the realization that this was who you were. You were good, to your core, and this was going to keep happening. It was clear on your face that you didn’t believe his words. You weren’t getting this, and Din wasn’t good enough with words to get you to. Resolution settled in his mind, determination, and his next words came out in a low growl. “Close your eyes.”

You blinked almost owlishly. “Huh?”

“Close your eyes, ner kar’ta.” Din demanded, his hands traveling to his helmet without pause. Your eyes widened in alarm before shutting tight. It scrunched your features up. Din tore his helmet off and slammed it onto the table before closing the space between the two of you.

Din had never kissed someone before, which seemed ridiculous considering the other acts he had performed, but the idea of it seemed easy enough. His hands found your jaw and he tilted your head up enough that he could press his lips firmly against yours. Din held them there until he felt your entire body slowly relax. He pulled back just a bit and opened his eyes to see your features had softened though your eyes remained closed. Din’s nose brushed against yours, unable to bring himself to pull away from you any further. He mumbled the next words out, exhausted, but tightened his grip around your face in hopes to get his message across loud and clear, “I am not a good man. I’m a selfish man, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do⏤ no line I wouldn’t cross⏤ to keep you and Grogu safe.” Din leaned his forehead against yours and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I kissed you without asking permission. I just… Ner kar’ta, I cannot lose you and I didn’t know how to…”

“It’s okay.” You mumbled. “I‘ll forgive you on one condition.”

“And that is?”

“Kiss me again.” You breathed. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself up to your toes, and Din didn’t hesitate to meet you halfway. His lips pressed against yours once more, but this time it wasn't so simple. It was messy, for lack of a better word. Your lips moved against his, furiously, and Din mimicked every action. It was as if the anger of your argument had shifted and transformed into this moment right here. Teeth clashing against teeth, tongue pressing against tongue. The kiss was desperate and felt like a battle. You versus him in a competition to devour the other, and Din was never one to back away from a challenge. 

He hooked his arms under your legs, lifting and turning, so he could set you on the table. Din’s hands shoved aside the nebulizer machine that sat in the way and he heard the device clatter against the tile floor. He’d buy the clinic a new one. Din pressed into you forcing you to either catch yourself by reaching back or continue clinging to him. You chose to keep your arms around his neck, wrapping around even tighter, and Din had to readjust and wrap his arms around your waist to keep you both from collapsing onto the table.

Din took a chance by nipping on your lower lip and the moan that left you was the perfect reward. He licked into your open mouth, a similar action you had done to him, and it deepened the kiss once more. Finally, breathlessly, Din was forced to pull back just enough to get air. You were panting as well⏤ the only sound in the room being the heavy breaths you shared between one another and the howling storm outside.

“I’m sorry I forgot to pick up Grogu.” You said and the disappointment in your whispered words made his chest ache. “I’m sorry I left last night instead of staying to talk. I’m sorry for yelling at you this morning.”

“No, I’m sorry.” Din replied. “All of this could’ve been avoided if I had just told you about Mandalore. I also promise to get more angry at you if you promise it’ll always end like this.” The soft, breathy laugh that left your lips was like a reassuring melody. You were safe. You were in his arms. You were okay. Din let out a breath of relief. “Ner kar’ta…”

You tilted your mouth against his to let a soft kiss linger against his. The exact opposite of the kind of kiss the two of you had shared. You sighed, “Why did it have to come to this? Why wouldn't you just admit you were upset with me?”

“I… I was worried about scaring you away if I lost my temper.” He admitted. “Things felt so good between us, so perfect, I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“Telling me how you really feel is never going to ruin anything, Din. I want that. I want to know what you’re thinking.” You replied. “Fighting isn’t always a bad thing.”

Din pressed his lips softly against yours once⏤ twice⏤ three times. “I can see that.” Maker, maybe taking his helmet off was a bad idea. After getting to feel your lips against his it was going to be twice as difficult to maintain his control. “I need to put my helmet back on, ner kar’ta.”

You chuckled and set a soft kiss against his cheek before releasing him. Din took one more second to stare at you, unhindered by his visor, and he loved the way your lips were swollen from his. He grabbed his helmet and tugged it back on. When it was back in place he let you know. It was cute the way you peeked out of only one eye, just in case, before letting both open. 

“I think I’m ready to talk about Mandalore now.” You shrugged. “Unless, you have something better to talk about?”

Din chuckled and gave you a small shrug. “We can talk about how you were my first kiss, if you’d like.”

“I am?” Your eyes widened. “Seriously?” He nervously gave you a small nod⏤ face burning under his helmet. “Oh man, I am so sorry. If I had know I would’ve⏤ would’ve⏤ I don’t know. Been gentler?” Din laughed at the concern drawn all over your face. Your lips twitched up but you gave him a small shove. “I’m serious! Maker, I was basically going for your tonsils…”

Din lifted a hand to hold your chin. “I’m not complaining.” He leaned his cold forehead against yours. “And by the way, I am proud of you. I’m so proud of everything you do. I… Can you promise to at least call me before you do something risky?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “I can promise that.”

Din would take the victory where he could.

mando'a translations:

Nuhoy morut'yc, adi’ka

Sleep safe, little one.

Ni aalar sha yaim ti gar

I feel at home with you.  

Nuhoy morut’yc, ner kar’ta.

Sleep safe, my heart.

Bic ni skana'din.

Expression of being angry or repelled, i.e. ‘that really ticks me off’

@aheadfullofsteverogers @yyiikes @kneelforloki @c-ms1ut @sgt-morgan @luthienaliceisilra @fawn-kitten @missbabyjay @coldlamaspersonspy @dilfsaremyfavourite @jamesbuckybarnes @yorkeylover @teawrites01 @emily-roberts @djarinxore @impala1967666 @shelbyteller @faithrenner @dindjarindude @dankfarrick29 @rh1nestonecowg1rl @garbo-lesbo @anythingforattention @tearfulsolace @onceinamando @catharinaroxastovaova @uwu-i-purple-youu @modiddys-blog @harriedandharassedd @stagerightlauren @mini-bees @xxinvisblexx @adoringanakin @sagegreensensei @spidey-3 @sydney-1209 @thepascalofus @hrtsforpascal

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep2 Musings

I absolutely adore the title cards; the "fangs" reflecting main locations of the episodes/seasons. GOD this show's attention to detail.

We open with Lou & Claud in Paris bickering about French & money; already shown in the Pix11 preview (I gave my opinions on the full scene, and another post about Claudia specifically.

Then we get Dubai. O_O Omfg. I made a separate post all about Louis & Loumand, cuz those queens were DIABOLICAL this episode.

Skipping ahead a bit! To the coven/theatre! ^0^

Ohhhh....that's a Children of Satan/Darkness nod! 👀 Only thing's that the old guard from the CoS/D actually weren't part of the Coven/Theatre anymore by the time Louis & Claudia arrived (Alessandra, Eleni, and the rest of Rhoshamandes' fledglings Santino indoctrinated & had train Armand).

So Armand is REALLY showing off, tryna impress Louis; cuz none of the members of THAT Theatre troupe are older than Armand, and not even he's as old as Charlemagne. Armand, your yaoi is showing. XD

It's wild how on one hand we have the coven simping over how pretty Louis is (except Santiago, cuz ofc 🙄); while just HATING on Claudia.

Naw, let her stay! Estelle is THIRSTY and I love her for it, bless! XD

Santiago, you shady wench, you're already on my hit list, BUFFOON; but THIS striped heifer, Celeste--

Wench, are all Parisian vampiresses frumpy busted haters like YOU?

Anyways. 🙄 I hate this effing coven already. 😒

Foreshadowing AF, Mr. I Could Not Prevent It.

Sure, Jan. 🙄 But not all violence/abuse/trauma is physical/sexual. By allowing the Theatre to put their hands on Claudia, Armand harmed Louis more than anyone ever could. Claudia was the glue keeping Louis together when he was already falling apart, and he hasn't been right ever since. BOTH of these dudes are living in a fantasy, frikkin la-la-land, as they think they're HELPING e/o, going thru all these theatrical acts & performances. But are they REALLY happy? Esp. cuz we know who's endgame for them in the books. It's bittersweet, cuz their affection's REAL. But this weird codependency just isn't healthy or right. U_U

Eff you, Daniel Hart. tryna make me cry!

Eff you, Daniel Hart, tryna make me laugh!

This scene with the naked lady (Annika) was SO GOOD! I'm glad they tastefully didn't fully show her whole body like they did in the film--if we can't see full frontal nudity for the dudes, then I don't wanna see it on the gals either. 😤 Fair's fair!

But WOAH, the sexckshuhality~!

👻💀⚰️

I don't even have words for this! 😅 Claudia! Let the man win ONCE!?

But I LOVE how candid this show is about everything from sexuality to race--and ofc discrimination.

Oh they're cooking. O_O

THEY ACTUALLY SPOKE ON THE FACT THAT ARMAND'S A BROWN ASIAN DARKER SKINNED THAN REDBONE LDPDL, I'M SHOOK--COLOR CONSCIOUS AWARD GOES TO~~~!

Armand gets to lead the coven through meritocracy, not racial privilege. HOWEVER, we've got bleach-blonde Santiago still waiting in the wings, so.... I can't wait to see more of their dynamics.

We been knew, Louis, it's ok. U_U

Armand clearly been knew, too! Like: Yeah, I'm not surprised he's cruising all the gay parks--I could tell by the way that American walked! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I KNOW this bish ain't talking, not Mr. Polynesian Marys! Not Mr. I Did What I Had To Do To SCORE. Not Mr. We Met In A GAY Bar. Not Mr. Black Tar And Heroin! Not Mr. Is Alicia Even REAL!? I KNOW he's not tryna shade Louis for cruising, when his closeted arse can't even handle being in a room with Armand making come-hither eyes!

I love Daniel, how he's written & acted, but ISTG I hate his character.

As opposed to Santiago, who is just--BRUH. WERK.

And this is exactly what Lestat was getting at, too. And why Akasha was wrong when she said men are the problem. Like, don't get me wrong, THEY ARE, but chile, ALL HUMANS are the problem; eff gender. Homegirl sold that old dude down the frikkin river, just to save her own skin, and her family's. COMPLICIT. OFFAL.

Santiago's disgusted by humanity, and Annika proved his point.

As for Lestat, his cold willful detachment stems from his attitude that humans are just The Meat. This version of Lestat is SO dang jaded, that humans are reduced to mere food--just like he called Miss Lily.

He doesn't need the Evil Doer creed, if he thinks ALL humans are evil/irredeemable; only worth living if they can sing & make music or something artistic. Otherwise who cares? (Which makes it VERY interesting to see what AMC!Les would say to Memnoch the Devil....)

Speaking of....

I frikkin knew it. ISTG Lestat must be asleep in 2022--if y'all have him do a Merrick and wake up in the finale, I will pass out and DIE.

The question is: WHAT put him to sleep? Is he just sad & grieving post-trial? WTF is Raglan James doing in 2022? Are we post-Memnoch? Where are TWMBK? I NEED ANSWERS, AMC! 😭

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Had to leave 2001: A Space Odyssey in the final ten minutes because I was literally getting muscle cramps from having to plug my ears for the monolith music.

I'd been trying to get through to the end because I knew the movie was nearly over, but when there was a brief pause, and then the music started again, I tagged out.

Let me say this before I say anything else: This movie is a masterpiece of the highest order.

But also, I get why 16-year-old me was fucking BORED, and I get how someone watching it as an adult could be fucking BORED. Because I was sitting there going, "Okay, this has all been very nice to look at, but I feel like I'm on film number 3 with HAL here, and I know where THIS part goes, but I'm gonna need a thru-thread to justify this fucking thing."

And then the thru-thread happened.

And holy shit.

My only recollection of watching this movie back when I was 16 (I remind you, I am 41) is some very well-known shots of Dave and Hal, and also many recreations of The Dawn of Man sequence in various pop culture ways (the Barbie movie being the latest in a long line).

I think it's especially impressive, watching it now, how little screentime HAL actually has and how I felt so bad about what happened to him. A computer, built by men, is possibly fallible one time. And so two humans decide they'll need to take away his intelligence because it's a life or death situation. Even the human who seems to see HAL as a possible sentient intelligence doesn't try to talk to him about his concern. When it comes down to it, the two humans decide to harm the computer that's kept them alive so far, may have (only MAY HAVE) made one minor mistake, and has tried to be friendly with them (HAL wanting to see Dave's drawings kicked me in the ribs).

And then, when you see Haywood's recording to explain why they're going to Jupiter after Dave has brought HAL off-line so deeply that it triggers as a last-ditch effort explanation to the astronauts in case HAL has failed but the ship is still usable, you realize HAL was trying to give Dave a hint about the secret he was being forced to keep when he asked Dave if he'd noticed how ODD the security around their journey was.

But also, HAL--upon realizing the astronauts plan to harm him--immediately seeks violence. But that also reflects the Dawn of Man era where we see the first tool use being to smash bones. HAL is as human as the first human to pick up a bone and smash it down.

And what saves man is the use of simple tools a computer program can't replicate or control.

[menalez]

I am trying to engage with you in good faith here. hamas has broken the ceasefire in 15 minutes during the hostage deal, and in general how is israel supposed to keep its citizens safe when hamas continues to bomb them? the idf has been struggling to get the hostages back because whenever they alert the civilians in the area before they start their operations hamas is alerted and flees with the hostages too.

israel’s citizens are fine…they are in a country with some of the top militaries and security systems. there hasn’t been a single report of an israeli citizen killed since october 7th (except for the ones who were taken hostage and then killed by israeli bombs or israeli bullets….so again how is this even keeping them safe..). meanwhile there’s hundreds to thousands of palestinian deaths occurring on a weekly basis. at the end of the day israel is far more powerful than hamas ever will be, has caused far more civilian death, has created far more destruction, and as the occupying power they have always had the upper hand & more power over hamas than hamas will ever have over them.

while 150 israelis are being held hostage, 1000s of palestinians are missing or held in prison without trial. in areas where hamas had no power like the west bank, hundreds of palestinian civilians have been killed since october 7th, coming close to the israeli civilian death toll on oct 7. this isn’t even mentioning the tens of thousands of palestinians killed, many being children, which is more than 10x the number of civilian deaths on oct 7 in israel. since oct 7, tens of thousands of palestinian civilians have been killed, and u want me to show more concern for the israeli citizens of which none have been killed for months.

for 75 years, israel has been enacting repeated aggressions and has led to the ethnic cleansing of palestinians from most of historic palestine, now israel. this is how israel came to exist: through violence, colonialism, ethnic cleansing, and oppression. this began a cycle of violence and continued aggressions will only further fuel this cycle. it won’t fix anything. destroying hamas by killing and traumatising civilians in such a way will only fuel more extremism.

some of u think it’s only bad to kill civilians when those civilians are israeli. i’m saying it’s bad to kill civilians, regardless of their national or ethnic or religious bg. its even worse to do it while expressing genocidal intent and making plans of colonising the land afterwards and intentionally destroying civilian infrastructure and using ur colonial power to starve the civilians of which half are children. i didnt sit there arguing it’s ok to kill 700 israeli civilians on oct 7 bc i didn’t think there’s any justification for it but some of u genuinely think 30,000+ palestinian lives are worth ending if it means rescuing.. what was it like 3 israelis rescued thru these aggressions? as opposed to like 60+ that were rescued from negotiations? what this tells me is u think an israeli life has 10,000x more value than a palestinian’s life and that u believe palestinians should be facing genocide if it means there’s the mere chance an israeli will live. not to mention that again many hostages were killed by israel’s bombs & bullets.. for some reason care for protecting israeli civilians & saving the hostages disappears when that fact is brought up

and saying “muslim goatfuckers” in another msg does not insinuate good faith to me. i also don’t think it’s good faith to justify mass-killing civilians by arguing israel simply must attack the one area they pushed almost all palestinian civilians to.

[possessionisamyth]

I agree on your post about fandom with Leon. I like him but the way fandom treats him and acts if he's the only character that has gone thru the most hell, it makes me not want to see him in any further content for awhile. Don't me get started on the shipping aspect of him whether it's self-shipping or his relationships with other characters.

I'd really love it if people who ship leon with themselves or reader or whatever would choose TWO ways to tag it as a group so I can block it en masse and not see their boring ass fantasies generated from character ai play out the same way 500x a day no matter how many variants of the tag I block.

Every time I think it might be a character analysis it's slapped with "He Wouldn't Fucking Say That" but for every sentence, and I get to decide whether I'm going to block or scroll faster.

Shipping aside(because woooo do aeon, cleon, and jilleon shippers love showing their misogyny as much as people who ship leon with other boring white men), seeing people baby him incessantly as if he's not a grown ass man is a different level of fury. Yes, his job fucking sucks. Yes, he was suckered into it. He's not special actually. How many people have the option to not work a shitty job for an uncomfortable period of time in their lives without suffering immediate financial consequences? I'll tell you who. Rich people. Who I don't respect anyways. You know who else has a shitty job? Literally the entire recurring cast of characters we see, majority of whom are women.

You know what usually makes a job shittier? Not having a dick. I cannot fucking imagine the hell that Jill, as much of a paragon in her field as Chris is, has to experience from the men higher ups questioning every single fucking decision she makes on top of dealing with bioweapon bullshit. Her only reprieve? Probably Chris or Barry stepping in for her to shut them up, and if not that, she can get some of that anger out through the gorey, visceral violence some people dream of having as an outlet when dealing with shitty customers in retail.

And don't even get me fucking started on Rebecca and Claire who don't have the mercy of that much of a reprieve! Both of them have to deal with politicians from multiple countries, majority men, also questioning and second guessing their every plan while they try to provide life-saving medicine and resources to people who need them. You know what Leon has to hear from politicians? Arrest or kill this guy and go home. Escort this person and go home. They dont' question his competency. I know for a fucking fact Claire and Rebecca get the third degree if they so much as even suggest a faster way to supply necessary footwork in order to rebuild a neighborhood or save lives, meanwhile Leon goes home and does, uh, fucking nothing until he's called onto the next job.

But oooohh ooohh woobie baby pookie puppy daddy waawaa googoo gaga leon kennedy has a dwinking pwoblem. He's soooo babygirl and needs to be cuddled and protected and loved because his job is sooooooo stressful, and he's a victim.

You know who's a fucking victim in this situation post RE2? Sherry goddamn Birkin who apparently has zero fucking contact with Leon for 15 whole years after the government snatched them. YOU KNOW? THE GUY WHO SAID HE'D KEEP AN EYE ON HER FOR CLAIRE. THAT ONE. Did I mention she is a sudden orphan after watching her mom die in front of her? Oh, and her upbringing can be considered questionable at best due to RE6 being a genuine shit show. Oh and she also let doctors experiment on her body in order to A)Fuck around with the G-Virus, and B) figure out cures and vaccines, WHICH MOST OF WERE MADE BY REBECCA ANYWAY WITHOUT HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION? So like!!!! If I want to separate it further by saying who has the worst shitty government job dealing with Umbrella after it's shut down, it still isn't fucking Leon! Can you imagine the hellscape assignments they send Sherry into with her super healing ability??????? I know they're worse because she can survive egregious injury without them using money to provide medical supplies! And you know governments everywhere love cutting corners when it comes to money.

But Leon is blonde ONCE, in ONE GAME, a good game yes but is apparently so iconic his pain magically takes precedent as the worst above everyone else's. And I hate that so fucking much because even Leon doesn't think this about himself! Leon literally doesn't think he has it the worst out of everyone! He just kinda wants to die sometimes which is not the same thing! Yet, the unfortunate amount of fans with little to no media literacy believe otherwise.

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 10

ok time to finish off the clautaba stageplay bit and we'll see if i'm insane enough for mahiru to start that route or wait til tomorrow after work

uh....cw?: for my brain finally catching onto lines in the play that straight up tell u whats going on but it didnt click til mahiru said the lines

oh right forgot to know who junna n nana are. sounds like junna's luigi so my guesses have been on the mark this time

ALSO I REALIZED THAT KAORUKO N FUTABA ACTUALLY GET TO KISS EACH OTHER ON STAGE THATS NOT FAIR KJHKJSDF

oh interesting. miguel and carmencita are here at the grave

ajsfdf mahiru cavallero is just Immediately Shady As Hell thats very funny. tbf it Does help jam in that cavallero is not offering to take salvatore in outta charity

oo now the ring swap. that fits in better. also god i have to turn the bgm even further down so i can actually hear the voicelines

futaba praise :)

d'awwwww hikari talked a lot about futaba

yknow cavallero does say salvatore has a lusty toned technique is he like. sexually abusing him? not an interpretation i got outta the others but 3rd time reading and mahiru voicing it makes it sound that way

i mean he has to be abusing his sailors in SOME way for them to hate them- it just didnt rlly click that rape was a possible option til now.

ble ble ble columbus

ohohohoho? isabel asking to come along this time. this was the only time til now i actually got that salvatore was the one grabbing isabel n kissing her junna salvatore there was 0 impression for me to Not think it was isabel doing it before running off

kaoruko salvatore at least had lines in the intermission that made it seem so

...

YEAH I RLLY SHOULDA PUT TOGETHER IT WAS SPOSED TO BE RAPE BEFORE NOW- this isnt even subtext why did my brain just assume it was vague physical violence when its just.....obv sexual assault. tsk tsk at the other cavalleros u didnt say ur lines like a predator enough

sometimes i get overly concious of my art mistakes and then starlight goes and puts out an official product i had to pay for with art like this and i'm like 'i'm fine'

i dont even have a team of editors or ppl meant to be checking this stuff. or speak japanese well but i can still tell when they fucked up a line's translation (sometimes)

i think its funny that in the intermissions the gfs of everyone come up to give them water

EXCEPT for nana to junna. futaba gave junna water bc nana was off crying in a corner about her kissing mahiru

well now im just thinking about arisa freaking out at kasumi in bandori s2 skjhf

kiss again. do it you two. kiss again

kaoruko what does THAT even mean

oh my GOD kaoruko i s2g

make allll that fuss about being embarrassed and then have to save face by calling the kiss futaba's "audition" i'm going to bang my head through a wall

yeah yeah obv futaba n claudines performances were inspired by the others

tabun

back to da play. carmencita still does Nothing

oh interesting, actual scenes of alejandro catching up to salvatore. .....ALEJANDRO WHY U HIRE THE BULLIES FROM THE FIRST ACT

ISABEL AS A STOWAWAY????????/ oh boy with all the upheaval to the status quo on this one i cannot WAIT for mahiru route

also i fuckin hate this line ksjfh (not literally but)

all i can think of is

oh i guess you can sail to granada from wherever they started-

it still makes 0 sense to me on how alejandro caught up to salvatore

SJKFH THE CACKLE I LET OUT

isabel using alejandro just to get to salvatore oohh man just rub it in

yeah sorry bud

i like how the eyebrow is hidden by the eyepatch but not the hair

i was wondering what isabel was doin all this time. just watchin i guess. she screams after salvatore jumps ship

rip isabel....still stuck in a destiny thats not of ur choosing

gah i want to mahiru route now. but i know i'll want to play it thru straight. and i have work tomorrow so i cant do that bc gotta get to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. esp if it'll be longer than the other routes like it prob will be

i wonder how tragic it will end...and also presumably where hikari pops in. like i know she's in here SOMEWHERE ksjfdh

<<part 9 part 11>>

[sandiegokpop]

Welp I just finished The Worst of Evil & I gotta say, I'm disappointed.

First of all, we've seen way worse when it comes to crime dramas/movies so I feel like the title is misleading. Yeah ppl got hurt/murdered but there were so many situations where ppl should've been murdered, would've been murdered if it were real life, but they were allowed to walk away freely w/a beating & a "don't show your face again". Like if you're gonna take out a gang you gotta take out a gang. You can't purposely let ppl that you betrayed & whose friends & bosses you've killed just run away. Especially after they try to get revenge on you by teaming up with/turning your allies against you multiple times. Messy. Some situations where just plain ridiculous.

Second, the ending...what the hell when the hell-? Since when did Junmo form any type of bond w/Gi Cheol?? Like I understand it from Gi Cheol's pov, Junmo saved him so many times & put his life on the line. But the whole time Junmo was only focused on doing what needed to be done to end the investigation quickly. He manipulated multiple situations to accomplish this, even manipulated Gi Cheol. Not once did I see affection, empathy, or regret from J towards him. Then all of a sudden at the very end we get this flashback of them walkin about town looking at each other like they're best buds...what?? As if J truly enjoyed his time w/him being a criminal & wasn't immensely stressed & traumatized the whole time. Maybe it's just me but that was very forced & last minute. It was the wrong drama for that. (There were a couple stand out scenes that were filmed differently from the rest of the scenes & it felt like there were 2 different directors or as if this was someones directorial debut & they wanted to throw in all the cinematic tricks they knew to build their portfolio or something. Those moments were cool but they didn't match the rest of the show, it was very disjointed.)

Third, I understand the message they were delivering. Going undercover & forcing someone to live in that type of situation will change them. Junmo was mentally changed forever, but I don't like that it affected his marriage. Suddenly he doesn't love his wife anymore? After everything they put me thru they couldn't give me that?? I'm fine w/out romance but don't include it then screw me over in the end. That just really made me dislike the whole drama. Him leaving his wedding ring at Gi Cheol's grave just pissed me off lol. It was refreshing for a kdrama to have the female 'love interest' go that far & immerse herself into that role just to protect her husband. I could feel how much she loved him, I mean she voluntarily emotionally manipulated her 1st love to protect Junmo. Their relationship ended abruptly before it could even begin in a sad way but instead of her feeling sorry for him or conflicted over how his life turned out she really lured him in to betray him for her husband. For them to turn around & make Junmo leave her behind like that...

Anyway, there was way less bromance than ppl were making it seem🙄

With a title like that I expected to be on the edge of my seat every moment, every ep, to be shocked by plot twists or unexpected revelations or just completely disturbed by violence. That never happened. It was just mildly interesting. I understood why Junmo would want to let him go at the end since they didn't really need him as the other 3 ended up making the drug deal, & he wasn't a heinous person. The standoff in the living room was a bit thrilling but it ended the way it ended... Oh & don't get me started on that damn cop! Why couldn't they have him demoted & stationed at a remote police station until the investigation was over? Sorry to say I felt nothing when he died.

[wack-ashimself]

Disney is full of cowards.

Yes, fuck them for being a mega corporation, exploitation, greed, and evil. Also their parks' parking lots are NOTORIOUS child sex trafficking locations. LOOK INTO IT (sadly, it's actually MOST amusement park's parking lots. Really fucked up).

But this time it is about their RULES. They have so many, I couldn't tell you. But they ruined what could have been the most violent, graphic and kinda NEEDED scene ever in a Marvel show.

They IMPLIED it, thru sound and reaction alone, but you see NOTHING.

Loki s2, e4. Doesn't matter the story. Some semi bad guys are lured to join the SUPER bad guys team. They refuse. So they're crushed to death. But not in a normal way. A super AI, with JOY in her eyes, surrounds them in every direction with an impenetrable translucent wall that slowly forces like, I dunno, 13 people to be crushed together, by each other, life long friends, from the walls AND ceiling. And again, translucent, so they could both see the bad guys killing them and be seen being crushed by them.

BUT WE SEE NOTHING.

FUCK YOU DISNEY YOU COWARDS!!!

I am not one for violence or gore. HATE horror. But...seeing what the bad guy and AI do in detail....I feel like you wouldn't even see them as human anymore. I don't want some last minute bull shit of the good guy letting them live. FUCK THAT. THEY ARE PSYCHOS!

I hate that about action movies: the good guy kills millions of henchmen, the bad guy kills millions of good guys (OR threatens them), and the good guy is 'good' for letting the MAIN MASS MURDERER (besides himself) free to live.

It's a stupid bull shit trope that I think is pushed so we don't kill billionaires, the ones who kill millions for power & money in real life. I'm serious. Think of it this way.

Superheroes always stop bank robberies. But...the federal government protects up to 100k in banks for each account. And being almost MOST citizens do not have over 100k in savings, it is not implied but outright said bank robbers are robbing EXCLUSIVELY the rich, and superheroes must protect them. It's fucked up.

Man, I went off on a tangent, but fuck it.

[limpfisted]

dnd 5e is very good bc the racism thing isnt so black and white anymore

like its very clear the orcs are being manipulated by their god, and yet they still had reason to listen to him, bc they had no home, the rest of the world was already taken, how are they supposed to make room for themselves, how are they supposed to live—and then their god says to sacrifice people to him so rhey can have homes, and they do, but every time they sacrifice something to him, he might just take their eye. like as a culture, they plunder and pillage. but also they can still be sympathetic if you are willing to look beyond “orc is evil” and wonder, hey, WHY are orcs doing evil things?

similarly the drow have an evil goddess that they KNOW exists, who LOVES them to fight and enslave and do terrible things in her name. if they dont do those things! theyre killed by each other, enslaved themselves, or turned into spider creatures and cast out by their society. even lolth herself is sympathetic. she was cast out of her home in heaven for wanting to choose her own gender and form, and she chose it thru VIOLENCE. like the drow are multi-faceted, even lolth is multi-faceted, u can see clear reasons this culture does things from its very creation story, and like. its understandable, its sympathetic, lolth is still wrong in so many ways and so are the drow who follow her—but u can also extend sympathy to them

the githyanki are slaves AND slavers, they will always be slaves and slavers, from one slaver to the next. they are deeply bored within themselves save violence—they are empty fanatics that live on celestial bodies and crave more—bc they are never truly free or happy save their violence. this is interesting!

the druegars were slaves, now they are cruel in ways that are almost poetic. what they want more than anything is to take out the mindflayers and the gods that abandoned them

like if you are WILLING to see the world in shades of “maybe i could understand” then like. you WILL understand

and like, there ARE good drow and orcs and githyanki and druegars. they exist, you can make them, and choose to be them. no culture is a monolith, there are SUPPOSED to be exceptions to these guidelines, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE THAT FILLS OUT THE GREYS!!

saying the drow is evil is less saying “all poc are evil” and more saying “all americans are evil.” or “all christians are evil.” or even “all southerners are evil.” like the drow have a system of government and a knowable tangible god that actually exists and speaks to them that is known to oppress and enslave ppl. and like. u can change ur mind after u make that snap judgment about someone

also there are…. Black Humans…. Black Elves…. Black Dwarves…. the representation in dnd isnt solely like, the purple people or the green people, u know what i mean? theres more diversity in dnd that YOU put in and the only limit is really ur imagination.

you can MAKE dnd less tolkien racist. in fact, 5e basically begs u too. theres still the problem of racial caricatures—but like, just give them depth, treat them as people, or dont use them.

its YOUR table, its a game of PRETEND between you and your friends!!

its not delusional to add depth and nuance! you are SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUN AND PRETEND!!!

[anothergleekgirl]

Take a Mulligan

by: anothergleekgirl

SUMMARY: A/U Finchel. 6 YEARS AFTER THE TRAIN STATION Rachel's in a toxic relationship & engaged to abusive Brody. Self-loathing Finn left Lima for good & vanished from her life permanently. Will she go thru with wedding? Will Finn find his way back to her in time, maybe to save them both?

Rated M for language/sex/adult situations/violence. Trigger Warning: DOMESTIC ABUSE.

Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance Status: Complete Chapters: 8 Words: 45,749 Published: May 6, 2023 Cast: [Rachel B., Finn H.], Santana L., Brody W., Puck, Kurt, Blaine

: : : (Chapter 2 excerpt) : : :

“Finnegan me boy. What sorta ghosts ‘er yas tryin’ ta exorcise this fine eve? Seems ya’ve got a reason most nights - even if they’re usually bad reasons… “ the older man chuckled.

“OH Macky.. Nothing special tonight. Jus’.. celebrating. S’the anniversary of the day I destroyed my life and future happiness. Oh, and apparently, drove the only girl I ever loved and was s’posed to marry into the arms of another man, who I hear she’s planning to marry soon.. Apparently. Idn’t that super awesome?? CHEERS MACKY!” Finn raises his newly refilled tumbler high up over his head, then quickly gulps down half the liquid within.

“Always for the loss of a woman… D’ya wanna talk about it?” Macky asks while washing out some bar glasses.

Finn just looks at him, wishing daggers could actually be levitated and thrown his way. “No.”

“Well sunny boy-o, yer not gonna find any sage advice in the bottom o’ that scotch glass there, I can assure ya that much.”

“Never said I was seeking ‘sage advice’ Mack. You Irish jus’ like given’ it away for free. One of the reasons we’ve been talking at all is because we don’t talk about this.” Finn states dryly as he finishes his apparent last scotch on the rocks of the night.

“Well lemme ask ya this laddie.. If ya had it to do over, would ya’ve done differ’nt?”

He stares at the ice in the empty glass in front of him for a long time. It’s the same damn question he’s asked himself every damn day for 6 years. “I don’t know Mack. I had my reasons, they were solid at the time… But I’m hearing things now that maybe… maybe I..” Finn rubs a calloused hand repeatedly over the back of his neck as if willing to scrub a revelation out of it, and feeling like an asshole for ever opening the door of opportunity to another man. “Aw fuck. I just don't know. I don’t fucking KNOW.” He blows out a long frustrated breath.

“Was she a good lass?”

**I’m the only person in your life who knows you and accepts you for who you are, no matter what**

He lifts his glass to his lips, sucking up few ice cubes to chew on. “The best. Better than the best…. And there will never be another.” He trades the glass for his beer, quickly downing half of the stout ale and slams the bottle down on the bar, as if to put an exclamation point on the end of that statement.

**I’ll never break up with you**

A familiar voice is heard from the other end of the bar. “Hey Irish. Can I get some service down here? Been on the road a hella long time and I’m pretty damned thirsty. I wants to get my drink on. And trust me, you’re not solving HIS goddamned problems tonight, maybe not even in this lifetime.”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why is she here??? How in the hell….

She orders a classic old fashioned and walks down to the empty seat next to Finn. “Is this seat taken?” she coyly bats her lashes at him and does a little hip-shimmy for effect. The stunning Latina brunette in her black pencil skirt, fuck me 4 inch black heels and almost see-through sheer navy colored blouse could certainly garner attention from anyone with a pulse - male or female.

He doesn’t even look up. “Yes Santana. It’s taken, but you go right ahead, I was just leaving.”

::::READ FULL STORY ON FFN AND AO3::::

https://archiveofourown.org/.../47171899/chapters/118851874

[will80sbyers]

"I can't and will not have any empathy for this man lmao y'all are wasting your empathy on him" "I think they wrote him as an heavily narcissistic and sadistic sociopath since childhood…I think he was born like that and in his case he was always going to become violent even without powers"

^ that was u in december 2022.

"born like that" "he would have become violent even without powers" do u hear urself. gen q. becuz those statements completely ignore the trauma he went thru nd categorize him as innately bad. now u out here talking about "i never said he didn't have trauma" yes u did. no 2 ways abt it.

Like I said, where am I saying he's not human for that or doesn't have trauma ???

At most you think people with mental health disorders are evil and not human if you understand that from my posts

Psychopaths, people with narcissistic personality disorders etc are ALL humans and even people that have propensity to violence, and violent impulses since childhood are humans and they exist and can even be born with violent impulses before experiencing heavy trauma because of mental health disorders and their symptoms, which I believe he had because he liked torturing his sister and parents and animals to release his dissatisfaction with life

I will not have empathy for that MAN is my view on it, I don't think he deserves empathy to have "a redemption arc" (that was what people were wanting for him in that moment in the tag) because as I said I don't forgive him for any of his actions since he's a 40yo continuing to abuse and kill people every day of his life, dedicating his whole life to have revenge on a child

I've said multiple times he had trauma and was abused by Brenner and if the times were different and he had access to actual help as a child he could have been saved from his fate, but as things were in the narrative he was doomed to end up like he did because of who he was surrounded by + his mentality that was developing in feeling pleasure when he has control on other beings because he lacked control

I think he was born without much capacity of feeling empathy because the script talks about him like that he's feeling satisfaction from killing other animals, and he said himself he didn't relate to anyone around him, he was not feeling connection to any of them until Patty if that's the canon of the show, and had no problems hurting animals which is the first sign something was wrong even before Brenner intensified his symptoms

The Duffers and writers talk about him as a psychopath multiple times and have intended that in their text, I don't think "psychopaths" or people with low empathy are not humans or can't be abused, I don't even think everybody that has low empathy is evil or inherently bad and never said that, I think Henry was doomed because of his circumstances, he would have grown up to kill to retain control in his life if the setting was a human one and he had experienced the same trauma

He's a character in a TV show that wants to tell the story of the cycle of abuse without excusing that and that's what has been shown on screen for now

I would also argue that making him just a puppet to some random evil monster makes him way less human than making him have a mental health condition if your interpretation of the show ends up being correct which I highly doubt, I think he's well aware of the choices he makes at the moment

[hollowflay]

I will say for as much as I talk about heather being a maniacal bitch she is actually SHOCKINGLY compassionate and empathetic in ways that are super unexpected and some of her seemingly callous behavior can come from it.

like she doesn’t feel bad about the deaths she and Billy caused. she understands that at the end of the day they didn’t have a choice and it’s cruel and pointless to beat herself up about it. even when you get into the murkier ones like her own parents (which she wasn’t exactly trying to save) it’s just – realistically what do you think she could do? what does replaying it or obsessing over it or tormenting herself with it do? Nothing.

It’s pointless self flagellation to give into guilt on that. it won’t bring them back, the only good thing you can do is just try to move forward.

the most shocking (to outsiders) display of kindness/compassion/empathy is for Billy tho. Yes she’s 100% upset/traumatized/angry about what happened to her but there’s not an ounce of her that really blames Billy for it. He had no control over it, she knows that better than anyone alive. She can’t hate him for it or blame him for it and she HATES seeing him beat himself up over what he did to her. She sees it as someone basically blaming themselves for being violated and made to do things with a gun to their head. She really does see him as the victim he is and commits a LOT of time to trying to do right by him.

She worries a LOT about Billy, worries about his mental health, if he’s okay, if he might hurt himself. She saw it as her job to keep him together when they were in the hivemind and she still sees it as her job bc no one else alive wants to do it and she’s more than happy to.

it also shows up in her friendship with Chrissy. sure she can be shitty and kinda toxic to Chrissy but she also really worries about her A LOT. she’s likely guessed at her ED and is worried about her and would 100% beat the shit out of her mother if asked. She’s very protective of Chrissy because she knows how gentle and easily manipulated/pressured she is. She fights Chrissy’s battles for her because she can’t bear to see her hurt.

All of Heather’s cruelty and violence is generally coming from the fact she is ACTUALLY VERY SWEET AND GENTLE but that’s not respected in the world. You don’t make it if you’re nice. In the world her father made clear was The Real World, those kinds of quality were very clearly marked as bad and weaknesses and belittled in men. Naturally they were seen as great in women but in a patronizing way. Heather wanted the kind of approval and acknowledgment a man like her father would only give a son (you know, like she's a Real Actual Human and not an Object) so naturally she got very twisted up inside. Add onto that how fake friendships based on status can be, very negative interactions with peers and mentors, a general sense of feeling emotionally unsafe and it all culminated in her never really acting on her kindness and instead using her empathy to clock people and insult them better. But when the situation is right her kindness really does shine thru.

[broodsys]

smth clicked just now, the reason that morality and redemption and irredeemable narratives in media have been on my mind for so long

so this is personal and heavy

cw: suicide of a family member

so, abt two years ago my brother killed himself here at home. it was very difficult, obviously, but the reason I bring it up in relation to these subjects is bc he had an absolutely black and white view of morality

personally, I don't believe objective morality exists. functional morality, sure, the stuff that keeps societies together, that keeps theft and murder and violence limited, the social stigma and shame attached to it, but objective morality is more of a religious thing, a very christian thing. that ppl Are good or Are bad ties in with objective morality. black and white views ties in with it

now, my brother was always frustrated by depictions of complex villains. he wanted Evil Bad Irredeemable Ppl to lose against Good Pure Never Failing Ppl. if it was only impacting what kind of shows he liked, whatever, but it wasn't - it was in his perception of himself

he was autistic. he had violent intrusive thoughts. he had violent outbursts when he was younger. and even tho he didn't want to be, he was chained to concepts of christian heaven and hell. he saw the world as good and bad without nuance, and he was "bad" - without nuance

he had been trying to kill himself for a long time. afterwards my oldest brother went thru a document on his computer titled suicide note, but it was really an expansive journal. he'd been making attempts for quite a while. but he was also afraid of going to hell. he wanted to kill himself so he would never hurt anyone, but was scared of being tortured for eternity bc a) he was bad and b) suicide is a sin

can you see why I want nuance? why I value it?

I'm not saying it would have "fixed" him, but if society wasn't so focused on redemption arcs being a bad thing that glorifies bad ppl, if society wasn't so focused on christian values of absolute objective morality and the stark division btwn Good Ppl and Bad Ppl, if society was willing to grapple more openly with ppl who do bad things but choose to break those cycles and live in the world, maybe he could have found something to inspire him to a different outlook. at the least, he wouldn't have been constantly fed the narrative of absolute governing morality as a core, unchangeable behavior. the narrative that to make a bad enough mistake once in your life precludes you from ever being good and that it's useless to try and make up for it

I want redemption arcs. I want them of the worst ppl you can imagine. I want them of ppl who have done immense, deliberate harm. why? because they're important, because they show alternatives, and because they don't paint with a broad brush. to have a piece of media say Yes, This Person Did Monstrous Things, And Now They're Changing The Course Of Their Life, And It Doesn't Undo The Harm But It Stops Them Doing More Harm, And This Decision Has Value is CRUCIAL for so many ppl

also, sympathetic villains are a reminder to everyone who considers themselves a Good Person that this can be you, too

there is no objective morality. there is no inherent goodness v. evil in a person. there's no emotion or skill that "saves" someone from being cruel or selfish. empathy is frequently cited in this way, but low/no empathy ppl can still make decisions that do not hurt others. higher empathy ppl can also be selfish and self-serving because of their high empathy and the burnout of experiencing strong emotional reactions based on other's reactions. empathy =/= morality =/= goodness

it's easy to say Well If Ppl Were More X, Then Things Would Be Better, but it's always an oversimplification and a massive overgeneralization. humanity is extremely nuanced. someone who's jaded and mistrustful and has no empathy can still make kind, well reasoned choices in how they behave; someone who's warm and soft and sympathetic can make their life small and self-centered to avoid getting hurt

and these generalizations always hurt the ppl who aren't rly the intended target. my brother had intrusive thoughts that he became convinced told him the truth of himself. it didn't seem to matter that he loathed those thoughts, that part of the reason he killed himself was to spare others - he had Bad Thoughts so he was a Bad Man. this is where these generalizations lead. this is where objective morality leads

and in the opposite direction, ppl who are cruel, who are causing harm, can go around being convinced that they're good ppl. someone who has the "right" feelings or the "right" behavioral reactions is exempt from possibly being bad... even tho that's patently untrue. the only thing we can do that's good or bad is in our actions (including inaction); thought crime is not real, feelings crime is not real, there's no response or lack thereof that makes you bad. but cruel choices are cruel choices; kind choices are kind choices. there can be differences between the intent and impact that are worth noting, too, but it's still the case that choices are all that determines our functional morality within society

it's tempting to simplify these matters but simplifications will always, ALWAYS backfire

[hollowflay-arc]

I will say for as much as I talk about heather being a maniacal bitch she is actually SHOCKINGLY compassionate and empathetic in ways that are super unexpected and some of her seemingly callous behavior can come from it.

like she doesn't feel bad about the deaths she and Billy caused. she understands that at the end of the day they didn't have a choice and it's cruel and pointless to beat herself up about it. even when you get into the murkier ones like her own parents (which she wasn't exactly trying to save) it's just -- realistically what do you think she could do? what does replaying it or obsessing over it or tormenting herself with it do? Nothing.

It's pointless self flagellation to do give into guilt on that. it won't bring them back, the only good thing you can do is just try to move forward.

the most shocking (to outsiders) display of kindness/compassion/empathy is for Billy tho. Yes she's 100% upset/traumatized/angry about what happened to her but there's not an ounce of her that really blames Billy for it. He had no control over it, she knows that better than anyone alive. She can't hate him for it or blame him for it and she HATES seeing him beat himself up over what he did to her. She sees it as someone basically blaming themselves for being violated and made to do things with a gun to their head. She really does see him as the victim he is and commits a LOT of time to trying to do right by him.

She worries a LOT about Billy, worries about his mental health, if he's okay, if he might hurt himself. She saw it as her job to keep him together when they were in the hivemind and she still sees it as her job bc no one else alive wants to do it and she's more than happy to.

it also shows up in her friendship with Chrissy. sure she can be shitty and kinda toxic to Chrissy but she also really worries about her A LOT. she's likely guessed at her ED and is worried about her and would 100% beat the shit out of her mother if asked. She's very protective of Chrissy because she knows how gentle and easily manipulated/pressured she is. She fights Chrissy's battles for her because she can't bear to see her hurt.

All of Heather's cruelty and violence is generally coming from the fact she is ACTUALLY VERY SWEET AND GENTLE but that's not respected in the world. You don't make it if you're nice. In the world her father made clear was The Real World, those kinds of quality were very clearly marked as bad and weaknesses and belittled in men. Naturally they were seen as great in women but in a patronizing way. Heather wanted the kind of approval and acknowledgment a man like that would only give a son so naturally she got very twisted up inside. Add onto that how fake friendships based on status can be, very negative interactions with peers and mentors, a general sense of feeling emotionally unsafe and it call culminated in her never really acting on her kindness and instead using her empathy to clock people and insult them better. But when the situation is right her kindness really does shine thru.

[the-acid-pear]

Y'know I do wonder what it says about me how I went from venting frustrations by having X being X to putting L.L. on a blender. I mean undeniably part of it is tied to my ever growing anxiety, hell, you'd argue there's parallels to be drawn between current L.L. treatment and Juan's when I was in highschool (there's so much that I daydreamed about yet never became canon but that guy christ my poor guy 😭) and y'all know how I was in highschool aka miserable and also very scared of real things (had to walk on eggshells always) but also non real things (I was tripping balls and a man with corpse paint is hiding behind my bathroom curtain ready to kill me‼️ among other things) but that still doesn't quite explain what prompted X to be made. What was I going thru that was so exclusive to that moment it didn't happen before or after? Bc X while eventually getting the blender treatment too (that's just my ocd tbf that I understand easily I'm a guilty guilty man and I need to fuel my own guiltiness by doing more bad tm things) he's usually the one pushing others in it. Hell the sheer fact he exists and the reason why he's called X is bc I didn't want to use L.L. for the story I originally wrote of him - just had to save this as a draft could you imagine I forget I hit post limit and lose this entire thing? - and named him X as a sort of place holder. He also is EXCLUSIVE referred as X there too to give him pronouns was too personal (I still use x/xs for him occasionally but way less). And it's not like L.L. doesn't have a few crimes under their belt they've pushed people in blenders too they've had mayor arcs about this in fact even all the way back to Japan their very first place this was present and that was a symptom of Thing in fact when L.L. spoke there they were referencing them who was violent and proud but L.L. was Ashamed of this violence and yes this is present with X too but where on earth did this overwhelming urge to enact it came from? Because I Am a violent man that I won't deny lately especially the urges to break bones and throw shit are overwhelming but not as much as when I walked down the streets daydreaming of every possible way I'd have to kill someone with the coldness of someone who is expecting this to happen (while not past the age of 16 and younger). Though I suppose Sheina WAS a vehicle for this too just like X let's not forget she did torture 4 ppl for a long while and that scene was written twice no less.

I guess there was always a side of... A taste for creative violence in me as far as I have memory and Sheina and X are symptoms of this even L.L. too but I guess I just have burnout? LMAO yeah maybe it's as simple as that. I did know a lot of me spiraling is a need to convince myself it's bad enough to allow myself to feel this. Maybe this whole thing is as simple as . Got distracted thinking of other things remember there was a Point to X character development that I was supposed to change? Which is a thing in universe too bc i never changed and neither did him he just turned it down? And it's now nothing but just another thing that happens that people don't question because X learnt to behave? Worth saying too X was a bit of a show off like when he had to stop originally was his own fault for literally telling L.L. and Can about it which directly affected them both. It really is all about doing bad things only to experience consequences except X wasn't guilty ORIGINALLY. Which is funnier than it's interesting. Although in his base story you can see him slowly get softer and softer.

I'm losing track but I feel they're both a form of downward spiral. But with X there was a whole Climax. There's never that with L.L. . X was an attempt to take control in a time where I had none while L.L. is just a cry for help and portrait of the absurdity of it all. It's also an escape from control itself too, you'd say. Perhaps represents my reality in that sense. It's that paralyzing uncertainty of isolation in dependency. It also it's a legit reflection of me Forgetting I can take control of situations after all until now only Once in modern time has L.L. done so. (They killed a guy. They mangled the shit out of him. They came to work shaking covered in blood. But irl realizing yes that is an option there is a way out was such a great relief.) But there's also the Consequences and the rammys which tie back to what I said before about the paralyzing nature.

And thing which is funnier than everything else is: fuckin what will happen to L.L., huh? Like not only bc I'm writing the story but even in universe. They've killed like 4 people (2 relatives 2 strangers, maybe even more I forgot about too) they don't even exist legally they love going to prison. Nothing is more dangerous to them than their own lack of self confidence.

I seriously don't know where this overwhelming upsetness and... Lack of confidence yeah animal fear and all came from. They were always here but when did they overpower else? Where did this weakness and I mean that in the most literal sense of it too weak like an overworked muscle.

Got distracted again but I guess it's similar to X too like this seeking of a climax of this big turning point except not at all there was that L.L. literally tried to kill themselves and it was a remarkable deal but then it became standard bc Yeah.

Maybe it's like AJJ said and I deserve displeasure and I really want to cry and I think you should spit on my face because I am a werewolf.

I think that's the best I can do for a conclusion idk what I'm saying anymore spent a whole hour or so typing this.

Though it's worth saying I did start thinking of this bc the X gene if you will the Xeske nature never left me it's just buried deeper.

I feel the issue is I keep trying to reach for a happy ending I keep walking down nails waiting for something good to be on the other side but I have no idea what it looks like.

Siiigh alright I'm done typing now it's 1 am ok. Sad conclusion. Though it's not like X had any sort of happy ending already stablished my man is still doing the same. But he did meet other things. He did manage to find some peace after trying and trying again. I guess L.L. is just experiencing the hopelessness I am. I mean the face ripping off thing that was just a real mental breakdown. Arc words too nothing ever changes when they peaked from under their arms and showed what was a single eye and goopy messy blood.

So I guess it's as simple as L.L. gets blended because I don't have the strength for malice I just want thing to get better but can't find a way out. X was for digging a tunnel L.L. is for failing the climbing class.