#it just makes me sad :( and it makes me hope that they mention yaz in the next season

[smallblueandloud]

i keep feeling like. there's something parallel between rose and yaz's endings. maybe parallel isn't the right word -- but i keep wanting to draw comparisons, i think because they're two characters who really defined specific doctors and for whom it's basically confirmed the doctor returned their (romantic) feelings

(they're not the ONLY ones who fit this description, but i'm in no way qualified to talk about clara or even river, so bear with me)

it just feels. i don't know. rose never leaves on purpose. she is separated from the doctor, forcibly, every single time. the doctor sends her home, or she gets stuck in an alternate universe, or the doctor leaves her in the same alternate universe. every single time, she fights to get back to the doctor. the writers had to create a perfect happy ending for her (half-human version of her doctor who'll age along with her, in the alternate universe where her father is alive) because otherwise she wouldn't stop fighting to get back to the doctor, and the show can't have that. the show needs to move on. we need rose to fade into the past.

i haven't seen all of yaz's episodes, but her arc seems very similar from the limited amount i've seen. she keeps fighting to get back to the doctor. she's in love with the doctor, and the doctor basically confirms returning her feelings, albeit in a very stilted, hesitant, doctor-y way (compare "imagine that happening to someone you--" with "and if i was going to, believe me, it would be with you").

but when yasmin's doctor regenerates... yaz is just expected to. step away, go back to living her life, never see the doctor again. kinda like the abandonment that most companions have ever experienced -- getting dropped off once and then goodbye forever! -- except with more of the onus on her. the show has to move on from rose's era, so she gets dumped on a beach. the show has to move on from yasmin's era, so yaz has to accept that the doctor is going off to die alone. she has to make her peace with that information.

i don't know. i think yaz's ending is trying to go hand-in-hand with graham and ryan's purposeful exit -- it seems like the chibnall era tried really hard to have Not Terrible endings for companions. which is very admirable! but honestly? yasmin's ending feels crueler than most, including rose's. yaz was in love with the doctor. the doctor reciprocated those feelings. they should've gotten their equivalent of s2-era 10rose! she should've gotten a chance to stay with the doctor through their regeneration, the way other love interests have been able to (s/o to river and clara!).

i know this is because of the limitations of the show. bad ratings meant chibnall left after only one regeneration, and new incarnations of the show rarely bring in characters from other eras.

but i'm still very sad for yaz :( like yes, she wasn't just dumped on the curb without warning. but she was still expected to say goodbye to someone she loved, knowing that person was dying, and not say a word of protest. if the previous history of the show is any indication, she's never going to see the doctor again. she doesn't get a half-human version of the doctor to live out her days with, and she's not "allowed" to fight to get back to the doctor, either, due to the way the show's structured (but also the way the doctor talked about them saying goodbye). she has to live the rest of her life knowing that the doctor is out there, perfectly capable of visiting, and the only reason they won't visit is because yaz is from a specific time of their life that they've moved on from.

i know she has the companion support group. and i know she'll move on! she's yaz. she's strong and self-actualized. she'll be okay, eventually. but she has to be okay, you know? she has to learn to live without the doctor. rose never had to do that.

it just makes me sad :(

[mercuryghost]

okay so my only complaint about The Giggle is WHY WEREN'T MARTHA JONES OR YASMIN KHAN MENTIONED???

Donna is in the specials (obviously lol) and there are references to Rose Tyler throughout,, that's 2/3 of ten's companions so where the hell is Martha?? I can't remember the last time she was referenced in the show, she deserves to be acknowledged more!!

and when the toymaker was listing the doctor's companions since Donna left, he just like stopped before any of thirteen's companions, and I get that this could be because none of them actually died in which case sure, fine, but then later in the tardis fourteen and fifteen are listing people they have loved, including Rose and River (who are canonically romantic love interests) but not Yaz?? she literally just left the tardis it wouldn't make sense to not acknowledge her, especially since the doctor was literally in love with her.

one of the big hopes I had for these specials was that these two underrated, underaprecciated blorbos would be referenced or mentioned in some way but nope :( they mentioned every single other female nuwho companion except them lol

don't get me wrong I love Rose and Amy and River and Clara and Bill and I'm so happy that they got mentioned, and I love when the show references past companions at all, I'm just a little sad about Martha and Yaz being left out.

[sclfmastery]

Discord Thread: Yaz and Dhawan Master clip part 2 @sclfmastery (Master) and @nickcagestrufflehog (Yaz)

______

YAZ: The murmuring in Yaz's mind is jarring after so long, like a sentient intrusive thought, and she almost drops her spoon. When she'd traveled with that person that had been the Master but not—the Master-Doctor, maybe, she has to call them something in her head—Yaz had grown used to the half-silent conversations and floating threads of idea and rumination that had added to the frenetic ambience of the hijacked TARDIS. It's not that it bothers her, per say. It's different, is all. And Yaz gets it to an extent—words can be hard. Plus, telling a telepathic being that they have to talk with their mouth seems a bit cruel anyway. Not to mention that, above all, she's been in the whirlwind that was (is?) the Master-Doctor trying to speak and keep his thoughts quiet at the same time. It had never seemed to go well for either of them. "I don't mind," Yaz finally assures, bringing a spoonful of khichdi to her lips and savoring the familiar, aromatic scents of turmeric and ginger, among other things, before she takes a bite. "It's khichdi." And then: "Mung lentils and rice. My mum and gran used to make it for me when I was sick. Or it was cold out." Comfort food. Yaz knows she needs it, and she figures that it can't hurt the Master, even if she isn't so bold as to tell him to try it. But still, how long had it been since someone had made him a meal? "You were right; your kitchen is stocked." ________

MASTER: "Khichdi." He cups the fragrant dish in his hands. "...Right." All at once the mercurial, hyper-kinetic mood has passed, and the Master is nearly catatonic. He draws his spoon in a circle around the rim of the bowl. It makes a high and oddly melodic scraping. I dunno if She needs you. She changed, I felt it. She doesn't need me. She, he, they. "Probably never did." And that's just the problem, isn't it? "Mn." Bright brown eyes narrow. " Got a. A. New best friend. Old? Dunno. Just someone good. Redhead. Someone they can release all the hurt and ugly with. I get glimpses. That was me once. The best friend. Not the first. Don't think anyone is ever the first with the Doctor. Like you said, 'her power.' She juuuuust, keeps accumulating us, ey? Then we're down in the gutter burnt by her comet-tail. They say, 'never check the blog of your ex.' That's assuming you can unplug, delete, the memories." He begins to eat now. Slowly, then ravenously. Were he in a more lucid state , he might think to resume his telepathic murmurings, but instead he talks around his food. "That's....that's assuming your ex doesn't define your every molecule." A mirthless, deeply sad little laugh, because it tries so hard to sound tickled, and he falls back into contemplation. "There's no more point to me, Yaz. I can feel his joy and relief and I'm no part of it, save in absentia. I'm. I'm nothing. I'm void."

__________

YAZ: Yaz eats in silence apart from the gentle woosh of her breath every time she blows on a spoonful of the fragrant porridge to cool it down. She wants to let the Master talk—he certainly seems like he needs it—and she even tries to follow, but she doesn’t quite get all of it. How can she?

The Doctor had been her person for a few short years. Yaz had loved her; she still does, and she lives with that every single day.

But how many days of loving the Doctor have passed for the Master? Yaz has been thinking about it often since she left. Changed. The question forces its way into her thoughts just as much as worries, hopes, and wishes for the Doctor do.

She guesses that the answer is many. More days than Yaz could even dream of living.

And the Master, by his own admittance, spends those days defining himself by and through the Doctor. God, Yaz wants to believe she doesn’t understand that, but she would have done anything for that woman. Been anything for that woman.

When the Master’s finished talking, her own voice is a bit stilted as she tries to reassure: “You’re…you’re not nothing, Master. If you were nothing, I wouldn’t be here, talking to you. I see you.”

It feels cheesy to say, but she doesn’t know what wouldn’t. After a moment of shifting awkwardly where she’d sat on the floor, she asks, “Do you need more to eat?”

___________

MASTER: Koschei isn't the Master anymore, to the extent that hearing that name uttered in his direction startles him. He looks up from the bowl--is it empty? He didn't notice, though he recalls now scraping the bottom of it with his spoon, ad infinitum. Maybe it's irritated her. He was always excessive in some way, for everyone but Theta Sig-- No. Not their real name. Not even by Time Lord standards. Still, imprecise as it is, it's the name he assigned The One long ago. So. Yeah. Excessively reticent, excessively ambitious, excessively intense, then something far darker, as years eloped and left him, for everyone but Theta Sigma. "Dunno." Another wheeze, to a forced grin. He's honest because it's all he has to fall back upon now, and present company does seem to like that. "....You know, she did care for you. She did. I know, I was.... I was," a click of his tongue, tapping his temple, "up in there. Properly, same mind, for a...blissful moment or two. She loved you. It just. It doesn't stop her from staying...staying kinetic. Always. It's just who she is, it. Ehm." There's no graceful way to clinch the thought, so he shrugs, and decides to offer the bowl to her, for more. He can show gratitude. He can show kindness, too. He can. It just doesn't come as naturally anymore, as it does for the Doctor. "You don't have to believe me. I know you're one of the smarter ones she picked up, so you probably don't trust me. Good....good call." He wrinkles his nose and affords a double thumbs-up, kicks his legs once and turns away, pursing his lips against a real, if bitter, smile, shaking his head. The smile turns slier. "Honestly? I think you're her best earthie pal yet."

[queerestqueertoeverqueer]

She is Loved

Fandom: Doctor Who, Ship: Thasmin

Summary: Thirteen starts to regenerate, and Yaz looks back on their time together and the conversations they had about this moment.

Notes: This is my attempt to make the ending of TPotD feel a little less unfinished. I haven't changed any of the scenes that we got in the episode, because I want to try and accept the ending we got, with these added headcanons about conversations that may have taken place in the past. (I may have also shoved in HCs about The Mattress and The Cheek Kiss TM, but who are you, the HC police?) Title is from from TPotD. This is my first fic, so any feedback would be massively appreciated!! I'll put this on Ao3 at some point probably. And shout-out to @logically-blue for reading this for me before I posted it <333

---------------------------

"Doctor. Look at your hand."

Yaz felt the Doctor's grip tighten on her shoulder. Her eyes seemed to light up as she stared helplessly at the golden light, but her face fell. Yaz could feel her trembling, leaning further into her for support.

"No... no! That's not right! I need more time...

I want more time!"

The pure emotion, the frustration, the quiet, sad, rage in the Doctor's voice made Yaz's heart ache. She'd told herself when this happened - and she knew it was coming for a while now - she'd be the brave one. She'd make it easier for the Doctor, and she'd smile at her and comfort her and look after her for as long as she could. But now, Yaz couldn't stop the tears brimming in her eyes from spilling down her cheeks.

The Doctor glanced up at Yaz. Her wonderful Yasmin Khan. She hoped she had done enough to prepare her for this moment.

"You know what this means, right?"

Hearing that only made it worse. Because she did know what this meant.

It wasn't even that long ago. They were sitting in the TARDIS kitchen, Yaz sipping tea, and the Doctor slurping a comically large mug of hot chocolate, with at least seven sugars and what was either melted chocolate or brown sauce. Yaz didn't dare ask.

The Doctor was trying her best to keep her promise.

"I want to tell you everything."

Maybe she hadn't managed everything just yet. But she was opening up, little by little. Telling Yaz the occasional story about an adventure; the time there were dinosaurs in space, or a mummy on a train, and an Absorba- what was it called? Something like that. The odd anecdote to show Yaz that she cared. But today she needed to get something more solemn out in the open.

"Yaz... something is going to happen soon. I'm not sure when, or where, or what will cause it, but it's coming. And I wanted you to have warning. I want you to have time to decide what you want to do."

Yaz sat patiently while the Doctor slowly, thoughtfully, carefully, explained it to her. There would be glowing, a hum, and then it would happen. She would change. This wasn't entirely news to her. She'd encountered enough of the Doctor's old acquaintances to know they all remembered her differently; a little man with a cane, a tall man with a bow-tie, and of course the frequently mentioned mysterious white-haired Scotsman. But to think of this Doctor, her Doctor, changing like that wasn't something Yaz could bear.

So she'd thought about it for days, because what she also couldn't bear was the idea of ever leaving the Doctor. What would she even do? She could hardly imagine just going back to her life, solving parking disputes, bickering with her sister. It all felt so... silly. So little. So insignificant.

But it didn't feel anywhere near as bad as she thought it would to be looking at the only woman she'd ever felt this much love for and see an unfamiliar face. To hear an accent that didn't sound like she'd come straight out of Yorkshire.

And eventually, they finished their conversation. Through tears and smiles and firmly clasped hands, Yaz finally told the Doctor what had been brewing away inside her for as long as she could remember. She told her what happened when the Doctor was away, about the spare TARDIS and the sleepless nights (and the Doctor felt reassured that she had made a wise choice in teaching Yaz to fly the TARDIS after seeing those notes). She told her about growing up, and Izzy Flint, and the friends who didn't get it. She told her everything she could think to say, as the Doctor sat wide-eyed and earnest, Yaz's hand enclosed tightly between her own as if it might protect her from her past.

"Have you ever told her?"

"Told her what?"

"How you feel about her."

I have now, Dan. The end of that conversation would stay with them both for a long time. Yaz knew what she had to do. But that didn't make it any easier. She knew she would never be able to cope with a Doctor that wasn't hers. And the Doctor knew that too. Which meant there was an understanding between them, for when that day came. They would face the moments before together. And then it would happen, and she would be gone.

She's not gone yet.

"You know what this means, right?"

Back in the present. You've not got long. Savour it, enjoy it while she's here, she's in your arms. She's still your Doctor.

Yaz nodded.

"Yeah?"

The tears kept falling. There wasn't even any point trying to stop them. She'd thought about this situation so many times but it could never have prepared her for how much it would actually hurt to face it. To face losing her.

They finally brought themselves to properly look at each other. The thought that she might never again see those beautiful eyes, the eyes that contained galaxies, swirls of glorious colours that she could never quite place her finger on, only made Yaz cry harder.

"It's alright. It's alright, Yaz!" the Doctor held her tightly and brought one hand to the side of her face, stroking her cheek gently. She slowly moved her hand away again, not wanting to make this harder for Yaz. She couldn't bring herself to let go completely, though. For her sake maybe even more than Yaz's, she needed to feel her. She needed to feel her warmth through her soft jacket, anchoring her to the ground as the burning grew inside of her.

On some level, Yaz had known the Doctor wasn't just fine after that laser hit her. She'd tried so hard to convince herself, to convince everyone. Maybe she thought that if she convinced them well enough, it would come true. But the Doctor lay completely still for too long. Yaz had never seen her so motionless. Even when they shared a mattress, all that time ago, when they were both too scared to sleep alone after Ryan and Graham left, she would toss and kick for the few hours she slept. But this time there was nothing, not stirring even when Yaz dug out their old stuff and gently placed their pillow under her head. Yaz sat by her the entire time, stroking her hair out of her face, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her chest against her side, checking her face for injuries, always monitoring her heartbeats.

As she watched her, Yaz couldn't help but relive it. She said she was fine but she had no idea if she would burst into light there and then. She could still feel the Doctor's weight in her arms, her faint staggered breath against her neck. She felt the Doctor's cheek pressed against her lips, the arm slung around her shoulders tightening a little as she whispered three words into her ear. She felt the Doctor's sleepy gaze on her as she looked up at Yaz and then closed her eyes.

Eyes.

They were both crying now.

"Make time!"

The Doctor owed her this. For all the times when she shut her out. For every time she didn't explain. For every story she never got the chance to tell her. It'd hurt like hell to hold this off for longer, but she'd do it. Yaz deserved a little longer with her Doctor. And she wanted a little longer with her Yasmin Khan.

She hated goodbyes, Yaz knew that. And the Doctor knew that Yaz knew that. She also knew that even when her heart was breaking, Yaz would put her first as she always did. If this was going to end, for her sake, even though it would hurt her, she was going to end it in the most Doctor-y way she could - without acknowledging that it was over. As if they both willed it hard enough, maybe it wouldn't truly be over.

They both knew it, though. She said her wish out loud, after all.

The Doctor never got to tell Yaz everything. As usual, it came down to time. Always her excuse. Always her worst enemy.

But now, one last time, she was going to use it to make things a little better.

"Happy ever after isn't forever. It's just time."

"One last trip."

[alex-and-coffee]

So. I need to get my thoughts out on the last Doctor Who special. I've seen posts with takes that I very much disagree with and didn't want to derail them with my thoughts, so here we are.

(Also. These are my personal thoughts and so they are going to be very self centered. That said, I am open to discussion if you wanna add your two cents.)

(Also also. This became an ESSAY lmao I had more to say than I thought so I'm putting in a read more so it doesn't completely take up your dash haha)

I will first say that I do agree that not mentioning Martha and Yaz weird. They were important to the Doctor and I can't think of a reason why they weren't mentioned among the others. Also, the ending to The Giggle wasn't great. It was anticlimactic, rushed, and made the Toymaster seem like he wasn't an actual threat? It felt more like someone was pulling his strings tbh. There are probably more things I could say about it but this post isn't about my criticisms of the episodes.

Another quick note, I like the bi-regeneration. My interpretation is 15 is the regeneration of 14 after he's lived his life, but instead of regenerating at the end of 14's life, he's regenerating early because of the Toymaker.

To start with the first thing that has me ruffled is that, to me, Ncuti shone in the role as the Doctor. He was charismatic, joyful and fun - we're getting something different and exciting. We got time with him before his first official episode and that made me very excited for his run as the Doctor (I will add that after seeing the trailer that I am worried about the Christmas special because goblins eating babies? Antisemitism anyone?).

This episode was the happy ending for 14 and the exciting beginning for 15. I don't understand where the complaints of 15 being undercut or being overshadowed by 14. To me it functioned as a soft reset - we got 14 settling down with the Mott-Noble-Temple family to rest and heal from his trauma while 15 goes and starts his adventures without all the baggage of 9-14's runs. Healing isn't linear either, and he still has that history so it can be referenced to and can come up later, but 15 is truly happy ("fixed" - though I hate that they phrased it that way) in a way that he hasn't been in NuWho (I haven't seen classic Who so I can't say anything about it). People don't change until the pain of not changing outweighs the pain of staying the same. If we didn't see that change happen in the Doctor, then I wouldn't have bought a transition from Jodi's Doctor (who represses absolutely everything) to Ncuti's Doctor, who's been magically "fixed".

I've seen several posts about how 14 regressed on 13's happiness and made the Doctor sad again, which. I would say misinterprets 13 in a pretty fundamental way. Her smile and happiness is a mask 13 hides behind. She's hurting and bottles all of it up to shove out of sight in the hopes that if she ignores it it will go away. She's running away just as much as her previous regenerations, which is shown in the way that she doesn't share anything personal about herself. She doesn't talk about her history with anyone she travels with, she even brushes her hurt off when Jack, who has been with her through some of her shit, asks if she's ok. (This. might not be the best point bc it feels like Jack excepts her to be ok, and 13 does have people pleasing tendencies, but still. They're friends and he does care about her. I think getting thrown into prison to break her out demonstrates this point.) Even when the fam corner her and ask if she's ok, it never continues into a productive conversation - either she deflects or it gets awkward fast because they don't know how to reply to what she's said and it never goes anywhere. She's such a repressed mess I don't know how anyone interprets her as genuinely happy. (Just to note before anyone thinks I'm hating, I do love 13. She's pretty high up on my list of favourite Doctors.)

Now (the main reason why I wanted to make this post), to explain why I think Donna is kind of the perfect person for the Doctor to go to to stop and rest and heal. (Disclaimer - 10 and Donna are my favourites. While I love them a whole lot, I am trying to be fair when I think about this. Please keep that in mind.)

Of the NuWho companions, after crossing off the people that are dead, not on this Earth/universe, and left of their own volition; you are left with Donna and Yaz.

(I'm struggling to keep things kind of concise, so I'm going to make a list that is hopefully comprehensive.)

I'm going to start with Yaz, and I do like her, but I'm gonna outline why I don't think she would be a good option.

Yaz is young. She's in her early 20's, and as someone who is also in their early 20s, I'm gonna straight up say that helping someone rest and recover through lifetimes (multiple!) of trauma is not something Yaz is going to be equipped to handle.

Yaz has only just started her life. She's driven and loves the adventures she's had with the Doctor, so much so that she stayed with the Doctor after everyone else left. Yaz would get as restless as the Doctor, resulting in either more adventures or resentment.

Yaz is in love with her. We get the scenes where the Doctor says she would but can't, and in them Yaz looks heartbroken. If the circumstances were different then maybe they could have, but they're not so they can't. Yaz needs time to heal her heartbreak, which she can't really do if the Doctor is still around (and whether or not the Doctor is 13, they're still the Doctor and would still be difficult for Yaz. Also difficult for the Doctor bc she did love Yaz but her fear and trauma was unfortunately too much for her to risk it).

Just to repeat, I think Yaz should have been mentioned in the episode. It doesn't make sense for someone who the Doctor has explicitly stated they loved not to be mentioned.

And here are the reasons why I think Donna was the good choice.

Donna and the Doctor make each other better during their run together. Donna reminds him that he can do good, even if the impact is small. The Doctor shows her that she matters, and is brilliant.

Although he doesn't know it at the time, the Doctor is given an opportunity to save Donna and return her memories, undoing one of the things he has massive guilt over.

Donna is someone who has settled down. She has a house, a husband, a kid. She knows what it's like to go a bit crazy being stuck in one place (even if not for the same reasons). She has the ability and experience to help the Doctor through it. She is also someone who will enforce his rest and healing while knowing what it's like to want to be doing something.

Donna also comes with an added support system because her family is pretty close knit, with a particular spotlight on Wilf ('I'd be proud to have you as a father', anyone?).

This so pretty long and if you're still here then thanks for reading! Mainly I wrote it to put my thoughts out there so I don't explode. If you have any thoughts about this and are gonna be nice about it, then feel free to add to this post :)

[dxntloseurhead]

some excerpts from yaz’s article in british vogue

[ID: Multiple screenshots from an article about actress Yasmin Finney. The screenshots read, “A dream for any young actor, not least one with a single screen credit, the role will turn the teen into a household name - and is set to reshape the TV landscape in the process. I mean, how many young trans actors can you name in long-running prime-time BBC dramas, not to mention a series as quintessentially middle England as Doctor Who? "It will change the world," she says knowingly, eyes sparkling over high cheekbones. As Finney sips from a technicolour slushie in Inflata Nation's café, candy-cane halterneck and bubblegum trackies matching the pink-and-purple seats, it's unclear if she knows how much her life will change too.

Finney has always felt a call to represent. It was on TikTok - where she currentlv has 1.8 million followers and counting - that she found her first audience creating videos about the trans experience, the most viral on a crush's reaction on learning. ("It's so sad dating as a trans person, because you've gotta explain yourself to people, like, 'Oh, hey, look, I hope you don't mind. and then prepare for answers that shouldn't be the case.")

Those calls got louder. A lip-sync to a quote from the show Pose - in which house mother Elektra snaps back at a transphobe without taking a breath - caught the eye of actor Billy Porter's team, who asked her to send a self-tape for the lead role in his directorial debut. Around the same time, she auditioned for Heartstopper. News that she got both roles arrived a day apart (although, the pandemic would prevent the Porter project from happening). "I went from nothing to having a feature film and a Netflix series" she says, still in disbelief.

Finney auditioned for Doctor Who before Heartstopper came out. Director Euros Lyn alerted Davies to the talent coming his way. "When you get into the casting room," Davies writes over email, "there's only one question: can you act? And that's where she stole the show. She was immediately right. My greatest worry was whether 57 other shows would snap her up instead." Watching Finney since has been "an education", he adds, "to see someone commanding such attention - and let's face it, such enmity - with grace and wit and a wonderful smile".

Raised Catholic alongside her half-sister by a Jamaican mother (she's never met her Irish Italian father), her earlv life was coloured by poverty and bullies - at 11, she was living from hotel to hotel while facing tormentors at school. "Being a Black trans woman, I've been forced to grow up early," she says, softly.

As we speed through the city now in a taxi, though, she excitedly points out her primary school, her nana's home, the council house she shared with her mum... until today. After our meal, she will be moving into her first apartment on Canal Street, Manchester's "gay village", where she'll throw her first-ever birthday celebrations with the chosen family she created there. "Now I get to give myself the childhood fantasy, and raise myself up the way that I should have been raised."

At first, Finney wasn't aware of any labels categorising gender or sexuality. She just knew she wanted to wear the Topshop coat all the cool girls had. As an eight-year-old, she ran around the house in a pink tutu her nana gave her. "She saw me from a young age," she says, smiling. "I would search up 'femininity' and Why do I feel like a girl?" she recollects, pausing to pick at peri-peri chips on a restaurant terrace. "I remember searching, 'Why do I have a penis?'" At a recent picture of Finney in the ocean, her mother almost cried, remembering how she hated to swim as a child. "You just never wanted to get changed with the boys," she repeats. "Now it all makes sense."

At school, she'd change alone in disabled toilets (towel-whipped the times she braved the boys) until one day, the girls snuck Finney into the changing room for PE. "They loved it. For them, I was their gay accessory," she recalls. "They loved me because I was overcompensating. I was overly feminine. I was making them laugh." But, when word got to the headteacher, "It all went tits up." On the brink of expulsion, her family asked, where could she get changed? Eventually, unisex toilets were installed. Yaz happily used what unofficially became "the girl's side".

Experimenting with make-up by year 11, her GCSEs marked a turning point. Late to arrive, she walked in wearing a skirt. Steps echoed through the silent room as all eyes followed her to her seat. The football players who would trip her up and shove her in hallways, call her names and do limp-wristed impressions were "gooped, gagged and everything in-between" she recounts. "From that moment, I felt so empowered. I never looked back."

Finney is bouncy and dramatic, comfortable taking the lead and prone to slip into the accented dialect of queer Americana. She's perhaps most visibly alive recalling praise. Rather than pure ego (although, justifiably, there is a little gloating) there's a sense it provides an amour she had to go without as a vulnerable child. "All the people that doubted me, they've got nothing on me anymore, you know? Not that I did it for them," she says of stepping into the spotlight. "But it's like the cherry on top," she smiles. "| just like to know that people are realising that everything I did from a young age, I wasn't in the wrong. Everything I did was perfectly fine." /end ID]

[roxannepolice]

Ever since POTD aired I have been raging in my tags, casually reblogging wonderful gifs and fanarts, and staying away from discussions by not using any main tags, but. I'm starting to feel like that 52 Hz whale. Or Beatles' fool on the hill. And I can't tell if it's hearing impairment on my part or if the old guy playing the lyre is not really touching the strings. I can only hope anyone who might get upset filters their tags and won't go under the cut, but I genuinely need to share this with anyone.

Can someone tell me what the Doctor being forced to regenerate into the Master actually did? What it means, outside of welp, I guess text said it is so so it so and it's bad because the text said it's bad? Apart from the Doctor being... less un-present in the story than when a little girl turned them into a picture, but wtv, I get what happened here, Thirteen is in the netherworld of regeneration, and for now no embodied consciousness of the Doctor exists, while the Master's does. But that's in no way different from the Doctor just being dead? Stuff achieved by a self-made flood in alternative timeline in Turn Left? Tho I guess then the Master stays trapped as Yana at the end of the universe, incidentally Saxon is not mentioned in the episode and, well there's a reason TL is so good.

I mean, the one, definite thing that's supposed to stay throughout all of the regenerations, the thing that makes the character the same bloody character and not simply the same show with a protagonist of the same name are MEMORIES. Like this approach to identity or not, that's what's spelled out by Five:

And incidentally when Roberts!Master absorbs Eight's lives he also explicitly gets the Doctor's memories.

So, the logical conclusion is, the Master absorbed the Doctor's memories when she was forced to regenerate into him, right? That's what it means that he's the Doctor now, isn't it?

Well, no. He doesn't know who Fugutive Doctor is.

Something he should know if he now has the Doctor's memories. Nitpick? A handful of lines? Maybe. Except the plot's resolution depends on this handful of lines, you'd expect thought to be put into them. I guess the argument can be made that he's in post-regenerative stress? The Doctors sometimes had memory problems after regenerating? But that's kind of a stretch considering the confidence of both Yaz and the Doctor's disembodied memories that the Master won't know who Fugitive is. Watsonianly I guess this stretch could be made, but doylistly it's glaring that no thoughts were made.

And look, if it was just the case that the Master is an idiot? That the idea that one time lord can be regenerated into another was simply as wrong as that Rassilon will let them ascend into eternal choruses of harmony of the spheres? OK! I'd take it! Realisations are made, things are felt, reactions happen, a story is told. But in POTD no-one questions whether the Master is now the Doctor on the grounds of identity, memories, immortal soul, Dasein or whatever you choose to call it, only on... companions knowing the Master is not the Doctor. I guess in School Reunion Ten spent some time not being the Doctor when Sarah Jane hasn't spontaneously realised he's the person? And still was the Doctor as John Smith because Martha knew about the chameleon arch?

There could be some discussion about refected self as/vs. identity but this isn't what the text seems to be saying or what anyone got from it? And I know I'm ranting stuff out, but I genuinely want to discuss this! Am I missing something here, just what is there for the reader to sympathize with? I mean, it's sad, and Dhawan's teary lil' eyes are heartbreaking, but I really don't get what actually happened there?...

Which is something that frustrates me, personally. Again, I really don't want to start any haterants, it is no hill I'm ready to die on, in fact it's fairly possible I'll slide down it as soon as I post this, but I also really want to discuss this with someone...

'Cause right now I guess I have to admit this situation indeed makes me sympathize with the Master as the only person that seems aware of plot implications of a major development that noone else acknowledges. And I admit: it sucks.

[peronica]

Season 5 spoiler story part 2: what if Ben had stayed on the island in season 3?

So, this is really late, but here's part 2. Once again, this is not a Kenji Ben ship story, I feel like I may be one of the only people who like Brooklyn and Kenji together, and that's fine. We're all different.

This takes place a few hours after the last part, and Kenji's more or less caught Ben up on everything that's happened since they splitt up.

Also, I don't know the twin's names, so I'm calling them Drake and Jake becasue I'm so original and they ryme.

I also have no idea how to link this to part 1, sorry about that, I'm pretty new. Anyways, enjoy!

. . .

“Wait, what did Darius name the baby brachiosaurus?” Ben asked, laughter in his voice.

“Ally,” Kenji repeated, also laughing.

“So, you have Angel, Rebel and Ally? Where did he even think of that?”

“I think he said it’s from some dinosaur movie or something,” Kenji sighed, “I don’t know, man. But after what he went through to spy on Cash, none of us are questioning his naming choice.” He leaned against his rock, “enough about us, though, what about you? How have you been doing out here?”

“I’m  doing great; Bumpy’s herd accepted me as one of their own, except for Rolly. I think he hates me. One time a baryonyx was chasing me, and Star, she’s herd leader, came out of nowhere to save me.” He leaned forward, “I mean, I was a good 50 feet from the herd and she still saved me! I couldn’t believe it!” 

“Ok, you have to tell Mae that story; She’s been studying dinosaur behavior for years and I think she might explode out of happiness to hear that.” Kenji said.

“Ok, my turn; Where are the others? Why aren't they here with you?”

“Oh, they stayed behind on Manta Corp. Island. My dad didn’t want to risk their lives coming back here.” It wasn’t a total lie. . . they did stay behind after all. “And they miss you like crazy; Sammy brings you up at least twice a day. And Darius was so worried when we left you, we all were.” Kenji smiled, “We thought for sure you’d change your mind last minute, but no! Crazy Jungle Boy just had to stay in his jungle!” 

“I missed you guys too, every day,” Ben admitted.

Kenji saw his chance. “Maby, this time, you’ll come back with us, then?” He carefully questioned. 

Ben’s face dropped to a look of confusion. “I don’t know. I mean, once we hit the mainland we probably won't see each other ever again anyway. And, at least, this way I still have Bumpy.” 

“Oh Ben,” Kenji moved from his rock to sit next to Ben, “that’s not going to happen.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love you and Darius like you're my brothers, and Sammy and Yaz my sisters.” He explained, “you guys are my family, and families don’t split up forever. . . they just don’t.”

Ben smiled, then frowned, “wait, what about Brooklyn?”

“Oh yeah,” Kenji grinned, “did I forget to mention we’re dating?”

Ben’s face went from sad to excited in one second flat. “Yes you did! How do you forget to mention something as huge as that?” He gave Kenji a one armed hug, “congratulations! I am so happy for you, both of you!”

Kenji returned the half-hug, “thanks man. I just hope we’re still together when I get back.” 

“What do you mean? Worried Darius is gonna steal her while you're gone or something?” Ben joked as he broke the hug.

“No, no, I don’t think that.” He grinned, “Bro Code, Darius wouldn’t do that to me. . . right?”

“Nah, I guess not. But,” his voice turned serious, “why wouldn’t you be together?” Kenji looked at the ground. “Kenji, I’m not stupid, I know your not telling me something.” 

Kenji sighed. “Ok, long story short; Mae created a way to talk to dinosaurs-”

“Big deal, I talk to Bumpy all the time.” “And we can understand them. Cash took her research and created a way that we can make them do what we want.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Like, hit a button, and they’ll roar. Or do a little dance,” Kenji smiled. “I gave Toro a fist bump.”

Ben sat straight up. “You gave Toro a fist bump?”

“Yeah, wanna see? We could head back and I could give you a demonstration,” Kenji offered.

“Ok, sounds great.” Ben stood up. “I’ll just grab Bumpy and we can head back?”

“Great.” Kenji thought of something. “We have electricity in the pent house now. So you can take a showere if you want, wash off all that mud.”

“Oh, actually the mud helps with sunburns and bug bites.” Ben explained.

“Dude, I’ll give you bug spray and sunblock if you just take a shower. Plus,” he added, “my dad respects you.”

“So?”

“So? So you have to look the part.”

“Is that why you're wearing a dress shirt in the middle of the jungle?” Ben asked as he grabbed some berries off the bush and put them in his fanny-pack.

“Yeah, because a Kon always dresses to impress.” He looked at his shirt, “Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?” Ben stood straight up, tightly gripping his makeshift spear.

“I’m covered in mud.” “And?”

“And my dad is gonna flip! I gotta change.” 

Ben started laughing, “Ok, City Boy, let’s find Bumpy and get you to your precious shower.” 

Kenji grinned, “thats Mr. City Boy to you, Jungle Boy!”

“And I thought the girls were drama queens,” Ben joked as they left to find Bumpy.

. . .

“Oh, and don’t think I didn’t notice you not answering my question.” Ben stated when they were about a half mile from the penthouse. “About Brooklyn not being with you when you get back.”

“Oh, well,” he hesitated.

“Kenji?”

He sighed, “my dad’s original plan was dino fights for the investors. We talked him out of it, so he changed his mind to showing off  our way of talking to the dinos instead. The others didn’t approve and ruined our big presentation. It got Cash and 2 other investors killed.”

“Oh no!” Ben gasped, “I mean, Cash deserved it, but what about the others?” “They didn’t deserve it; They were just doing their jobs.” He sighed, “we left them on the island so they wouldn’t interfere with our new project.”

“But, why not just send them home?” Ben asked.

“Because since the park failed, again, the world’s turned their backs on dinosaurs. So dad wants to arrange for them to get home discreetly.” 

“Ok, that sounds fair enough,” Ben frowned, “But why are they so against this project? It doesn’t hurt the dinos, right?”

“No, of course not.” Kenjit said, “they think we’re ‘controlling’ them.”

“Well, are you?”

“No!” Then he backtracked, “well, maybe a little bit. But it’s better than dino fights.”

“How are you controlling them?” The penthouse came into sight.

“Bumpy, stop,” the ankylosaur stopped, and both boys hopped off. “Stay here and don’t freak out.” He ran through the trees and into the clearing. 

Bumpy groaned, “don’t worry Bumper-Car, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He reassured his friends. . . as well as himself.

“OK, COME HERE!” Kenji yelled.

“Hasn’t he learned not to yell out here yet?” Ben muttered as the pair entered the clearing. Then he yelled “KENJI, BEHIND YOU!” Toro stood like 2 feet behind Kenji. Ben held out his spear, and Bumpy lifted her tail in a battle stance, ready for round two with the carnotaurus.

“It’s ok Ben,” Kenji said, “he won’t eat us.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he can’t.” Daniel appeared out of seemingly nowhere. “The controller in Kinji’s hands. . . encourages Toro to do what we want.” He explained.

“How?” “It connects to a chip in his brain, Kenji, why don’t you show him?”

“Ok, Toro, dance!” He played with the controller, and Toro walked backwards, side to side and wiggled his arms. “Toro, talk!” Toro roared so loud Ben almost covered his ears. “Fist bump.” He folded his claws, and leaned down for the bump. “See Ben? He won’t eat you. Wanna pet him?” He offered, “Ben?”

Ben looked sick. “The others were right; you are controlling him! This. . . this is wrong on so many levels!” He climbed on Bumpy.

“Wait, Ben?”

“Why? So you can do this to Bumpy too? No way!” He looked Kenji in the eyes, “Tell the others I’m fine, and say ‘hi’ for Bumpy and I.” And with that, he patted Bumpy’s head and she ran off the way they came.

“Ben? BEN? COME BACK!” He started to run after his friend, but Daniel stopped him. “Dad?” He questioned.

“Give him time; He’ll be back.”

“How do you know?” Kenji asked, his voice begging to break.

“Because I’ll talk to him.” Daniel declared.

“You. . . you will?” “Yes, Hawkes and I will track him down and talk some sense into him.” He explained.

“Oh, he hates hawkes. You know, because of the incident a few weeks ago.”

Danile sighed, “then I’ll talk some sense into him. Hawkes! Drake!” Hawkes and one of the twins came over. “Solo mission, just the three of us. Let’s go!” They made their way to the car.

“Wait! Dad, can I come too?” He borderline begged.

Daniel put his hand on Kenji’s shoulder. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. But,” He saw Kenji’s face fall even more, “I am confident I can make him see reason.”

His face lifted, just a little, “you think so?”

“Oh son,” he hopped in the car, “you should know by now, a Kon can do anything!”

. . .

“I can’t believe him! How could he do that? Even to Toro?” Ben ranted as he gathered more berries for his dinner. “I mean, can’t he see how wrong and cruel and sick it is?”

Sensing the distress in her boy’s voice, Bumpy stopped eating to nuzzle his side. “Thanks girl,” He scratched her chin. “You always know how to make me feel better. Mabey Mae’s on to something with this service dog thing.” He held out some berries, “Hungry?” Bumpy responded by eating the berries. “That’s my girl, what would I do without you?”

Suddenly, Bumpy grunted and raised her tail in a threatening way. Ben quickly grabbed his spear and hopped on her. “What is it, Bumps? Baryonyx? T. Rex? Raptor?” A voice broke through the forest. “I come in peace!” Oh great, him again.

“What do you want, Kon?” Ben demanded, venom in his voice.

“Just to talk. Could you put the spear down, please?” He asked.

“Will you put down that tranquilizer gun?”

“Touchay.” He walked closer to the pair.

“I wouldn’t come closer, Bumpy doesn’t like strangers.” Ben threatened.

Daniel stopped. “Fine, but Ben, I come with a proposition for you-”

“Not interested.” Ben cut him off.

“You don’t even know what it is,” Daniel protested.

“Don’t know, don’t care. Just leave us alone.”

“Fine, but at least don’t be mad at Kenji. He-”

“He what? Controlling Toro like a puppet? Left the others on the other island? Probably wants to control Bumpy too?” Ben demanded.

“He’s just doing business. And, I would appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me again.

“I don’t care what a monster like you appreciates!” Ben snarled.

Daniel’s annoyance started to show. “I am not a monster, just a business man with a proposition for you.”

“In that case, they're the same thing.” Ben said, “So what will it take to make you leave us alone?” 

“I’ll make you a deal: Listen to my proposition, if you like it, great! If not, I’ll never bother you again.”

“Then say it already.”

“Despite what you think, you did have a panic attack today. And Bumpy did help you like a service dog. So come back to my island with Bumpy and let us study how this connection works. I’ve spoken with Mae, and she thinks there's something special about your bond with that dinosaur.” Daniel explained, “You’ll both be safe there, and you can visit your parents anytime you like. We won’t chip Bumpy, and you would make such a difference for people everywhere!”

Ben thought about it for a minute, then finally said “as amazing as that would be, no! Not if it puts more money in your pockets.”

“Wow! Do you know how selfish that is, Benjamin?” Daniel asked.

“Oh, don’t try to guilt trip me, you monster.” 

Daniel began to laugh. “Oh Ben,” he said, “I thought you’d be smarter than that.” He snapped his fingers. “But, I guess I shoudn’t expect much from a boy who chose to stay behind for a dumb animal.”

Ben heard a whistling noise, and Bumpy fell over. “BUMPY!” Jumped off and began searching for the tranq. dart. “It’s gonna be ok, girl. You're gonna be ok.” Then he felt a sting in his neck. 

The last thing Ben heard as he faded into unconsciousness was “Get that chip in her head fast, before she wakes up!”

. . .

The next day, as the boat finished loading, Kenji found his dad. “Did you find Ben? What did he say?” He asked, panic in his voice.

Daniel smiled. “Don’t worry, Kenji. Ben is fine; He understands, but can’t come say goodbye because his herd is moving again.” The lie came smooth as butter.

“Oh,” Kenji frowned, “well, thanks dad. I’m just glad he’s not mad at me, I guess.”

“Of course son,” he patted his shoulder, “now, let’s get back to work-”

“Mr. Kon!” One of the twins shouted. “Dr. Turner is missing.”

“Of course she is,”he groaned. “Well, find her!” He shouted at his crew.

. . .

Unbeknownst to most of the crew, in the ship’s underbelly, tied to a chair and unconscious, sat Benjamin Pincus.

. . .

Edit: Ok, I know I said I was ending this story here, but the more I look at it, the more I realize it's incomplete. So, I am making a part 3. It may not be as good at the other parts, but at least it won't be a cliffhanger. Just give me a week or so.

I hope you enjoyed this story, and I hope you have a wonderfull day.

(Also, Ally comes from The Land Before Time 4, I think Darius would like those movies).

[lonely-space-ace]

Ok time for some (mostly) coherent thoughts

Spoilers for the new episode below

First off things I didn’t like:

1. 13 regenerating into David Tennant. I have mixed feelings about this.

2. no nyssa/ tegan :( This one I’m not so mad about as i didn’t really expect them to mention it I was just really hoping. Plus on the bright side they didn’t make it Not canon :)

Now onto the things I liked:

1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

2. I was so worried that with Everything happening in this episode it wouldn’t come together but Chibnall pulled it off. I felt like they managed to get the plot together while also having time for some character moments. (which is impressive with the amount of Things theatwere Happening)

3. Dan :( I love you and I’m sad to see you go but good on you for pulling out

4. ACE

5. ACE

6. ACE

7. I really loved seeing Ace if you can’t tell.

8. The moment where seven talked to Ace and called her his child... I can’t

9. Also five and tegan. It was just so good.

10. ALL. THE. DOCTORS. that was such a cool moment and it was especially amazing to see Paul Mcgann

11. Graham! And Ace! not a team up I expected to see but it was fun to watch

12. Ra Ra Rasputin playing with the Daleks and the Cybermen in the backgroud ended me. Peak Doctor Who.

13. Sacha Dhawn in general was amazing and I’ll be sad to see him go

14. Yaz. Yaz my beloved. It was so cool to see her continuing to step into the role of the Doctor

15. Tegan, Ace, and Kate. I love them.

16. I loved all the little moments that were put in to call back to classic who. Adric being mentioned. Tegan and Ace interacting with the master. Ace calling the master out on being part cat. nitro nine. THE BASEBALL BAT. Brave heart tegan. calling the doctor professor. just little things that fit in so well.

17. speaking of classic who THE COMPANIONS. love that the companion support group is now a canon thing and it was so cool to get to see them all onscreen. seeing Ian in particular was amazing

18. I also loved the callbacks to things in new who. The master dancing to music. Kate almost being converted like her father was. All the companions piloting the Tardis like in season 4

19. On that note this episode really did feel like a celebration of the show as a whole, while also giving enough attention to 13 and Yaz. I am a little disappointed that there was no kiss, but I like the way they ended things.

20. The regeneration scene. Aside from the very end, I loved it. Jodie did a great job.

Basically, I loved it. I was laughing, crying, and screaming in excitement the whole way through. Jodie Whittaker has been an incredible doctor, and this episode did a great job of thematically tying off her run, acknowledging the history of the show, and getting us excited for whatever is to come. I always felt that the Thirteenth Doctor’s run was about hope, and I feel like this episode captured that really well.

Now onto writing the twelve fanfic ideas that this episode gave me

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 335

Our Father, Who Aren’t In Heaven/The Haunting of Villa Diodati

“Our Father, Who Aren’t In Heaven”

Plot Description: a revelation from the demon tablet sends Dean, Sam, and Castiel on a search mission in hell, where they have a surprising reunion

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: probably not. I just don’t think I could keep up my customer service persona after god killed every one of my coworkers

This is Sam’s first relationship in like…seven? years? Let him make some mistakes

Please tell me…why would you send Cas to get Donatello?

“Do you have the power of god?” Donny, you’re asking the wrong questions. Do they have the power of anime on their side??

Donny has the only rational reactions to Team Free Will’s shenanigans

I have a sad feeling that Donatello is not long for this world after they used him to find Chuck’s weak spot and Chuck decided to use him like a bluetooth speaker

Oh! He was spared for now!

I can’t believe they’re even remotely addressing the whole Adam thing

Why does hell look so much better this season than any other season?

ROWENAAAAAAAAAAA!!! She’s in charge of hell now??? I love this for her. She’s a vision and an absolutely terrifying ruler. I’m so happy for her

Thank you Roro for telling Destiel to fix their relationship

I’m weirdly glad Michael and Adam have each other. It might become a problem, but for now they can commiserate together

Dean being supportive of Sam and Eileen ����

Oh, if Michael and Lilith team up though…THAT could be interesting and fun

Aw man! He just vaporized her…these arch angels and their daddy issues. He just wants Chuck to come see him instead of being fetched to go see Chuck

Castiel has such a terrible habit of playing with fire and archangels

Dean’s so mad that Michael lets Adam be his own person much of the time

Cas…why?? Oh. To force Michael to see the truth about Chuck

Oh…oh, Michael “I’m not even the only Michael” he was so loyal and so betrayed

Dammit, the whole case Eileen was following was just Chuck

THEY HAVE TO GO BACK TO PURGATORY FOR AN INGREDIENT FOR THE SPELL TO SEAL CHUCK AWAY?! And of course it’s Cas and Dean who have to go…this show, I swear

I hope Adam gets to ride Michael’s coattails into heaven eventually. I want him to live a decently long life, and I don’t want to see Michael get killed this season because I really need this to be good for Adam

“The Haunting of Villa Diodati”

Plot Description: Lake Geneva. 1816. Lord Byron and the Shelleys plot a night of telling ghost stories. But as the Doctor and friends arrive, the Villa proves to have ghostly presences all its own

Didn’t the Doctor mention Mary Shelley at the end of last episode?? I’m glad they’re following through (i really said ‘we probably won’t get that episode’ silly me)

Graham…how can you mix up Mary Shelley and Jane Austen??

I don’t know how the Doctor really expected a bunch of artistic minds in their late teens to mid twenties to be acting on a stormy night in a gigantic house

(I’m curious if anyone’s gonna get too excited and slip that they’ve met Lord Byron’s now infant daughter in her future (Ada Lovelace))

The gossip going around this room as they dance, damn

The Doctor is playing fast and loose with the rules SHE laid down

Spider creatures. It had to be spider creatures…

People are being incredibly sus

I’m not saying you CAN’T have a character reveal (somewhat abruptly) that they’re harboring crush, but maybe don’t do it if there should have been build up because the crush is on your show’s protagonist. I dunno, just a thought

Oh Ryan!! Trying to impress Mary with his poor piano skills ❤️ she IS charmed by it, so there’s that

Not spider, skeletal hand

Byron..you should not have literal skeletons in your closet

I love the friendship between Yaz and Ryan. It’s so purely platonic

This house IS evil, and it’s turning against everyone in it

I love the Doctor shooting down Byron’s flirtations at every turn

Not to try to preemptively connect too many dots, but what if this figure Percy’s been seeing and now everyone sees is the lone cyberman the Doctor is supposed to steer clear of?

Oh my god I was RIGHT?!

Oh that’s so smart to use the lone cyberman in conjunction with the author of Frankenstein

Oh it’s not FULL full cyberman yet

The skeleton?? Is the skeleton part of this still? No, the cyberman is after Percy…well, can’t win them all

Why does Percy have magical powers?? Why would the cyberium give him non-cyberman-esque powers??

See, we’re rounding out the second season with these four and we’re just now getting our first “one death creates a ripple effect that means you won’t be born” episode?!

Having Mary (honestly, it was only a matter of time before we got a Mary on this show) confront and sympathize with the cyberman was a nice touch

Get wrecked, Byron. I’m glad Miss Claremont is no longer in love with him

[nocaffeineforlevi]

CON ROUNDUP

Day One:

Cosplay: S4 Simm!Master

My mom was with me dressed as Missy so we got stopped a bunch for photos.

When I was down in Artist Alley someone started doing the drumbeat and I swear I almost collapsed.

I was part of a panel about Trans stories in Doctor Who and everyone was very sweet and supportive.

The con had a thing where cosplayers could sign up and do a walk across the stage with whatever ers you were apart of, so I did that, all the cosplayers were super nice and I had a great time.

I was going to go to a dance party thing that the con had, but unfortunately the time difference really got to me so I didn't end up doing it.

Day Two

Cosplay: Weeping Angel

Had another panel much earlier so I had to rush a bit to get the makeup and everything on, but the cosplay came together wonderfully and I got asked for lots of photos again (My mom was Ten this time so we also got asked for a lot of photos together)

Once we got down into artist alley we get approached by this 13 cosplayer who compliments our cosplays and starts to ask for photos, but is interrupted by me impulsively screaming because I realize that the 13 cosplayer is Katiegangel. I talked about this a bit in a different post but yeah she was super nice and understanding about me freaking out. AND She did a little thing for one of our photos where she took my hand and said "I've never had a Weeping Angel as a companion before" and my heart was beating so fast but I managed to get out a response so aaaaa. (Just found out she DOES have a tumblr @katiegangel hope you don't mind me tagging, it was awesome to meet you!) (Dang imagine if that's an impersonation account) (welp)

Big Finish had a table in the center and I managed to pick up a copy of the Ten and Missy audio drama since they didn't have any of them the previous day. (I listened to it today and it was as amazing as I expected, although I was a little sad it wasn't technically ten who was meeting missy)

I went to my panel which was much emptier this time, so luckily there weren't many people around to see me awkwardly attempt to sit in a chair while wearing those wings.

After I had a break I went back down to artist alley and got to meet ANOTHER cosplayer I recognized from tiktok (I can't remember their username, but they cosplay Yaz with Katie as Thirteen a lot and that' why I recognized them) and I got to get a photo with them as well.

In preparation for watching the Star Beast I had to change from the Weeping Angel cosplay back into Simm!Master and it took SO LONG to get all the makeup off.

I brought my knitting with because I knew we were going to have to wait for a while before we got to watch the episode, the line outside of the room was super long but I was too anxious to knit.

Once we finally got in and got seated we ended up in the row behind Katie and her friends and I was silently freaking out again, so I started knitting and ended up talking with the person next to me who liked the panel I did on Friday. Katie turned around and we ended up doing some in-character banter because "haha the Master is knitting a scarf" "It's an evil scheme I swear" "You didn't shave Beep the Meep to make that yarn did you" "even if I did I morally committed no crime" so anyway by the time the event started I wasn't as nervous anymore.

When announcing the event the guy on stage I think misspoke and mentioned "The Master" so, like any normal group of people, this ballroom full of hundreds of Whovians started doing the four-beat clap. I unfortunately didn't get my phone out in time to record it but it was insane hearing that lol.

The director of the episode was a guest so she came out and talked up the episode a bit before recording a video of all of us cheering to send to RTD and David Tennant.

Then the episode begins and I already talked about that so no need to talk about that.

Final event of the night, we did Karoake and found a S3 Simm!Master cosplayer (we had run into him several times the previous day as well) and he had a Ten cosplayer with him this time. They did Good Old-Fashioned Loverboy together and were overall awesome. Me and my mom did Starman and it was really fun.

The entire time throughout the con people were giving out these ribbons that you could put onto your badge and by the time we left mine was over a foot long.

Overall, super fun con, props to you if you actually read through this whole post, I cannot imagine that anyone else found this interesting to read through, I'm mainly just writing this to remind myself about all the fun things that happened.

[alltheboysandgirlsiloved]

The Mermaid Theory

Or, as i like to call it:

How is Kenji’s trauma related to Mantah Corp

subject: Kenji’s obsession with mermaids and how it can be related to the storyline in general

(warning: this is longer than anticipated)

Lettuce begin:

Kenji Kon (age: 15) is one of the main characters appearing in Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous. He ended up on the camp because his dad is filthy rich which Kenji often uses to make a point. Some other traits that we relate to his character are: general dorkiness, loyalty and self-esteem issues (deeply rooted with how his entire confidence is mostly based on how much he thinks it depends on his wealth, however it is not a subject for today)

One of the things that the fans picked on while watching the show is Kenji’s strange obessesion with mermaid.

The first time a mermaid is mentioned by Kenji is actually in episode 2 season 1, when he says “a dream is like when you save mermaids from a shark”. We all thought that this comparison is just a form of a comic relief. But bro, I don’t think it’s funny anymore, in fact I think that it’s one of the signs of trauma or a distant memory. The kind of memory that maybe even Kenji himself doesn’t understand quite well.

The mermaid keeps coming back every now and then, the two moments that I want to mention here are:

the scene when Yaz wakes Kenji up and he mumbles something about “saving a mermaid” to which Yaz asks him if he only ever dreams about mermaids (which is an indicator that it’s a re-occuring dream)

little Kenji’s drawing that Sammy finds in his father’s photoalbum. The drawing shows a family (presumably Kenji’s family) and a mermaid

Based on that we can assume one thing for sure: mermaids (or one mermaid) were an important part of Kenji’s childhood. Whether they were an imaginary friend or something more real is up to you to decide.

Let’s keep that in our minds and focus on something else. Or rather: someone else aka Kenji’s father.

He’s a bizzare character. We’ve never seen him. He seems absent from Kenji’s life and yet he is in the background to everything that happens in his life. Ha, more than that. This seemingly gloomy and very neglectful person seems to also be looming over one more thing:

The entire Jurassic World.

Kenji’s father is a part of Jurassic World (the park) in a way that seems fitting and completely out of place at the same time. Yes, sure, he is rich but the more you think about it, the weirder his “presence” is.

You know what resonates with the same exact energy? 

Mantah Corp. They are there but at the same time - where the hell are they? Who’s in charge? Where are all the big, phat fishes, huh?

I know that this theory may be slightly far-fetched but I think that one of these fishes is in fact Kenji’s father. Kenji’s father who has a bazillion of secrets (for some reason Kenji is not allowed to enter one wing of their house). Kenji’s father who is always busy. Kenji’s father who is so influential that park empoyees allow his kid run around Jurassic World mostly unsupervised. Kenji’s father who owns a very suspiciously-looking building in a part of the island that is closed to the public. A building with a dock that is not on any map.

A building that doesn’t look like “just a penthouse”. It looks like a business building. Everything in Jurassic World has a meaning, everything more or less fits into that “jungle-like” aesthetic. But not Casa de Kenji. No, it looks like a place where important people hold their meetings. We know for sure that it’s not a hotel and yet it has many floors. Casa de Kenji is a building that for some reason keeps at least 5 limos in the garage. 

My point is that Kenji’s father and everything related to him is very suspicious. And the fact that Kenji doesn’t know much about him doesn’t help it either.

So let’s theoretically assume that Kenji’s father is related to Mantah Corp. What do we know about Mantah Corp?

Mantah Corp is a bioengineering and genetic oriented company. They hired (more like black-mailed) Sammy to spy for them in JWCC because they wanted to aquire InGen’s research and technology. 

Now, some of you could ask: “Okay but if that’s the case then why Kenji’s father didn’t steal the genes/technology already? He has access to everything after all?”

That’s a great question and I have a very simple answer to that - money and power. I think that Big Kon has too much to lose. If it was discovered that either he or Kenji are spying he could lose everything he accomplished so far. If there’s one thing rich people love it’s using other people to do the dirty work (enter Sammy).

Now. Now for the final question:

How is it possible that Kenji has no idea?

The answer is, once again, simple - mermaids.

As I mentioned earlier Mantah Corp is a company that deals with  bioengineering and genetics. Just because they are not as sucessful as InGen doesn’t mean that they’ve never accomplished anymore. Or - should I say -  that they accomplished something that they’ve never showed to the public. 

I think, that in fact they probably accomplished a lot behind the closed doors. But you know who had access there? Innocent baby Kenji who didn’t even know what he was looking at.

(using e750 picture in a tank because I don’t own a mermaid in a tank therefore I can’t offer a realistic picture)

What would a child think if they saw weird creatures trapped in tanks? What would he think if he saw creatures that didn’t look very human-like, yet that were alive and perhaps even showed some form of intelligence? 

The kid would assume that it’s a mermaid. Or marmaids. That someone trapped. That need to be saved. (Kenji never indicates that he is afraid of the mermaids, if anything he wants to be their protector)

And if said child started talking, mentioning the mermaids, drawing them, what would the parent do? They would lock the doors and never let the kid inside ever again. They would try to protect the kid (or protect the business, with Kenji’s father it’s hard to tell).

One more thing.

I’ve seen some people say that the mermaid on Kenji’s drawing is actually his mother. I gotta be honest I’m not completely sold on this theory). But it doesn’t mean that the mermaid can’t be related to Kenji’s mother at all. Think about it. If Kenji’s father is so dedicated to work, maybe his mother was just the same. Maybe she worked at Mantah Corp’s labs and when Kenji asked “where is my mum?” his father (or a babysitter, my bet is on the babysitter) would tell him “she’s at the lab”. And what’s also in the lab? Mermaids. that’s how Kenji connected mermaids to his mother, who most likely died at some point.

Because he had little to none memories of her, he connected the mermaid with his mother. Yet the memory of a mermaid was still more vivid. It replaced the memory of his mother. That’s why he’s more focused on this creature than his mother (that he never mentioned).

My other theory is that his mother actually died even earlier, maybe in an accident that happened in the lab, or maybe she simply worked there and that’s the only thing Kenji remembers about her. Either way baby Kenji saw mermaids are part of his family. Because his parents spent most of their time with these creatures.

The third theory is that Kenji’s mother was against what Mantah Corp was doing with their research and experiements. She wanted to expose them and the people at Mantah Corp didn’t react too well. Being aware of that Kenji’s father promised himself to keep his kid away from that mess to protect him. That’s why he never allowed Kenji to come back to the lab. (seems gloomy and sad but not entierly impossible)

Conclusion:

Does The Mermaid Theory explain everything? Absolutely not. there are still many questions left. I feel like the theory would be more complete if we knew a little bit more about Kenji’s mother or more about Casa de Kenji.

Either way I thought this little theory was interesting enough to be shared with the community. 

If you’ve made it this far - thanks for reading. It would mean a lot if you passed it on, shared it, shared your opinions, shared your own theories. My brain is jwcc-wired so the more conversation this theory sparks, the better for me.

Once again, thanks for reading! I really hope that season 4 will explain a little bit more in terms of Mantah Corp and Kenji’s mermaids.

[honesthammie]

Prompt 39: Death wants you to be terrified. But the scariest thing is wanting death.

13th Doctor x female curvy reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic abuse, fat phobia

I'm sorry for this. Its really depressing and I've been hesitant on letting you guys see it but I kinda like how it's written. I've made the abuser gender neutral as females can also be abusive. I promise the next one will be much happier!

"Come on (y/n), you can make it! Just jump across and reach for my hand. I promise you won't fall." The Doctors voice echoes across the widening canyon. If you looked down, you would only see pitch black. You didn't know how long you'd fall. Maybe this would be the perfect time to just go for it. Its not like you'd matter, you're only slowing the team down as is.

They wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't slip and hit the world shattering drill, turning it on full blast. Unfortunately, you smashed the button making it unable to turn it off. Of course the only way you'd be able to turn it off is to actually go towards it. Everyone in the room screamed at you and some raised their tentacles to attack you if the Doctor didn't step in front of you. You know the Doctor noticed you flinching and your eyes gloss over and noticed you bracing for the impact.

You learned over the years to just accept your fate. You can't run from anyone when you weighed this much. You couldn't hide either, which often left you to just accept what was coming and hope nothing broke. Bruises were always easy to cover and so were any cuts but broken bones, that was always on display and you'd have to break your number one rule: never lie. You hated lying. The truth always comes out anyway so why hide it? If you hide it, you get punished worse anyway so why bother?

If you jumped and actually went with the team, you'd get questioned about earlier and about hesitating at jumping. But if you fell, would the Doctor miss you? As much as you hated to admit it, you were absolutely in love with the adorable alien. Why did you hate to admit it? Because she was a goddess and you were a waste of skin and bones. You weren't skinny and you didn't fit in with the team at all. You were only here out of pity.

You remember when you first met the team. You were the only person alive when they searched underneath the hotel. Even the spiders didn't want you. You were at the hotel because you heard about killer spiders and you wanted an out. You could never do it or something would come up stopping you from ending all your misery. You were the complete opposite of the Doctor. She was so brave and said whatever she wanted and didn't really care for the consequences.

You focused on the Doctors sparkling eyes. Despite the situation, she still sparkled with hope and encouragement. She wasn't upset with you. You really wished she was. This would be such an easier decision to make. Your head was pounding and your heart was going faster than her two hearts. Did you even want her upset? You couldn't tell, your head was spinning wildly, one thought going to another without a chance to process the last one.

You had come to a clear decision. You ran back and let momentum do its thing as your feet left the muddy gravel. You felt so free as you glided in the air for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful feeling. No punishment, no tears before going to sleep and no terror of going back home. Just you and gravity.

Then with a clearer mind you regretted your choice. You were horrified. You weren't ready. It wasn't time yet. Graham can't lose you. He'd only recently lost his wife. He'd feel the same as you and that thought terrified you. He'd survived cancer and gained himself a new family. He can't be like you. Ryan needed him, wether he was willing to admit that or not.

Suddenly you panicked and last minute reached your hand out hoping you'd grab something. Anything. You felt a soft warm object and latched on for dear life. You were then lifted up and onto soil. You focused on your breathing a moment and waited for your heart to calm down. You looked up and saw what, or rather who, saved you. You shouldn't have been so surprised to see the Doctors worried face above yours. She gave you a questioning look, knowing the question, you nodded your head and she straightened herself and helped you up.

"That was great (n/n)! So brave of you! Let's go gang, we've gotta turn this drill off before it splits the planet in half!" She shouted as she ran forward, seemingly knowing the way. She didn't let go of your hand until you reached the drill about 10 minutes later. You couldn't help the blushthat formed on your cheeks. The Doctor quickly opened a panel on the side of the drill.

The drill was massive, bigger than the Eiffel Tower and that what was on surface level, it went down much deeper that it had reached halfway to the liquid nitrogen that ran in this cold planet where our magma centre would be. The drill itself was purple and spherical. The panel box was the size of a human head which was about the size of the civilisations sucker pads. Inside were 3 buttons and 1 lever. You needed to type the pattern that would gain the access to the drill and force stop. If it goes wrong, it speeds up rendering this planet uninhabitable.

You watched as the Doctor quickly typed the pattern in. Red,blue,red,red,red,blue,black,black,blue. That was the pattern she quickly pressed in and held the lever down for 10 seconds. Soon the drill came to a halt and the planet was peaceful once again. You all let out a sigh of relief as it stopped.

You made your way back to the chief of the race and explained that they should dismantle and never use that drill again unless they plan to empty the panet of everything it has within. He quickly agreed and the fam made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as tye TARDIS was parked on the edge of your solar system, you got into your comfy clothes ready to nap or maybe play a few games to slow your adrenaline until you were tired enough for a full nights rest. You played a few rounds of uno and some poker where you used some bits of metal instead of chips. Eventually everyone had left except you and the Doctor.

You made your way to the doors of the ship and settled down just watching the stars in front of you. If the sentient machine hadn't already been aware of your darkest thought, you would have jumped out there and been amongst them. Just floating eventually turning to nothing but bones drifting, maybe to never be found. All the sights you've seen and yet this is where you were the most impressed. This was your home, your galaxy and because of all the light pollution, you had never been fully aware of how many neighbours you had because you had been literally blind. This was only stuff captured and faked and now, it's forever in your mind.

You heard movement and a shuffle next you. You knew who it was because she was the only other person awake and you knew she was going to ask and not let it drop until you tell her truth. And you were going to give her it but that doesn't mean you were ready to do so but you had to, someone had to know. Maybe you wanted help or maybe just someone to listen and know everything making you mentally naked in front of them.

The Doctor waited a few moments. She was figuring out how to word it without sounding horrible. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt but let me explain. You've been really weird lately. You hardly speak and when you its with as few words as possible, you keep going elsewhere mentally and Rassilion forbid anyone getting angry with you! I also noticed how you hesitated today when jumping and I saw your worry and panic when you jumped. I think I know but I can't help you if you don't at least tell me what is going on! And don't change the subject or anything, just answer me please. I lo-. I can't lose you too." Her voice raised a little as she panicked just speaking about it. Halfway through she grabbed both of your hands and continued her speech.

You looked deep into her eyes for any sign of a lie but there wasn't one. Just like at the canyon, her eyes showed nothing but love. Maybe you should tell her, just her. No Yaz, no Graham and no Ryan. Just you, The Doctor and the TARDIS. You looked away for a moment as you collected your thoughts. However, as you opened your mouth and tried to speak, you found no voice. You couldn't tell her about them. Lord knows what she's capable of. But you've been looking for an out for so damn long. Maybe this is it. She's your out, no death involved.

You walked towards a panel in the console and pushed your hands inside and focused. You focused on the worst time it happened. You concentrated on the fear and everything attached. You couldn't tell her, but you could show her. The TARDIS disappeared into the vortex but didn't seem so sure on landing. She was picking it all up, she felt everything you did and she did not like going. "Please baby girl, I need her to know. I need help but I can't tell her. She's my only out that doesn't involve death and that terrifies me! Please. I understand your hesitation but she needs to see." You spoke mentally to the sentient blue box. She made a sad sound as she gently landed in the moment.

The Doctor looked at you bewildered. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. You walked up to her and grabbed her hand reassuringly. You led her to the doors that separated her from your darkest secret. You took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

You appeared to be in the basement of your house. You walked up the stairs and took her to a storage room where she could see it happen. You sat in silence for a few minutes only the sounds of breathing and your heartbeat could be heard.

You knew this day off by heart, it plagued your nightmares often. It all started to sweet and went sour so quickly. At this time you were currently on your way back from doing your weekly shop to Tescos making sure you didn't forget their vodka and gin on your way to pay. Thankfully, the shop was only 10 minuets away and you doubted that the TARDIS would make you wait longer than nessacary. Just as the Doctor opened her mouth to speak the door opened and in walked an 18 year old you.

You set the bags down and started sorting the items into their new places. The canned foods go in the cupboard and the meat goes into the fridge. There were loads of food and stuff to go through and place properly. After you placed the last can of baked beans into the cupboard, the door swung open, nearly breaking the door.

They came home from their dealers place early. They stunk of weed and alcohol and had a little white powder around their nose. They looked like they had a good time until they had to come home. It was their dealers birthday so he was having a brothel themed party meaning there were strippers, pole dancers and prostitutes as well. The dealer was a rich guy who practically ran this city. The cops couldn't do anything as he could always bail himself out of jail.

They looked you in your comfy clothes and scoffed. They looked angry. "Why aren't you in your normal clothes babes? I thought I told you to throw away all of that shit. Come on now. Don't tell me I wasted all my well earned money on those clothes I specifically chose for you?"

You shuddered, both in the past and now except now they only made bile rise into your throat. You were so young and vulnerable. Now you know better.

The past you quickly scampered off to get changed. After only 5 minutes you reappeared in what was sexy school girl. The blue miniskirt covered less than most underwear so you were forced to wear a thong. The shirt was a bralet that barely covered your nipples. Your hair was in pigtails and you wore thigh highs. The sight made you silently sick in your mouth. You looked pathetic and weak.

You looked at them expectingly. You were waiting for your next order from them. They seemed to drool at the sight of you. "That's better babes. Why didn't you go shopping like that? Show the world your fat ugly figure? I want you to walk out there and see that no one else wants you but here I am, loving you. I am the only one who will ever like you in the way we have now. Your lucky I've had some fun tonight. All I want is my vodka and a new blunt darling"

You quickly went and grabbed their stuff and walked towards them as they settled in front of the TV. They turned the TV on and put Love Island on. How you hated that show. It made you feel bad for being the size you are. The women on there were beautiful but you also knew that, that kind of beauty costs money. So while your partner had fun watching the show for the romance, you watched it to spot what part of them was bought and what was real. Almost all the women had fake teeth and breasts. You hated how your partner would make snide comments on how they looked compared to you.

"You should be looking like Becky ya know. Beautiful teeth, big perky tits and a fucking great ass. What do you have? Flabs!" And there was the first comment of the day. The first of 30, you counted.

"Yeah well you are fucking broke so I can't look like fucking fake ass Becky or the others!" You thought. Then the Doctor gave you a look of shock and pity and then you realised you said that aloud. Not loud enough for them to hear you but enough for the Doctor.

"Make yourself fucking useful and make me some dinner. I fancy a steak and chips." They ordered as you got up and waddled over to the kitchen. A few minutes in you realised you put too much oil in the pan for the steak but the steak was already in and cooking quick. So quick that it started to smoke just a little bit. You tried blowing it away from them before they realised that you fucked up their dinner but ut was too late. They were already on their feet a marching towards you.

"I'm so sorry. I accidentally poured too much oil in. I'm so sorry. I have a spare steak, you can have my meal for tonight, I could do with skipping a meal anyways, helps me lose weight!" Past you was panicked and present you wasn't much better. Even though you were safe from them, they still made you uneasy. If you were to ever see them again, you'd freeze. They made your blood run cold. Even their voice sent unpleasant shivers down your spine.

"You better make me another steak but I still have to punish you. You fucked up, a lesson needs to be learnt." They said scarily politely. They grabbed your left arm and marched you towards the sink. They also grabbed the burning pan and pinned you so you had no escape as they poured the boiling oil onto your skin. You knew not to scream do you bit into your other arm knowing a bite out of it is better than causing more punishments for screaming.

When they were done left to watch the TV and you knew what that meant. You had to cook the spare steak and make there meal before you can get proper treatment at the hospital. Through your tears of agony, you quickly ran your burnt and bleeding arm under the cold water of the sink. You bit deeper into your other arm and tasting blood, but thay didn't stop you until the left one had cooled down. Then you got an old shirt, ripped 2 pieces of fabric off and wrapped them around both arm Injuries. You then continued their meal.

Once they had the meal they kicked you and punched you in the stomach because the chips were slightly cold and then they drove you to the hospital as they promised. When you had left you didn't realise you had been crying until a drop fell on your arm. You walked out of the storage room and sat on the sofa, turning the TV off.

The Doctor looked shocked for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of you. The Doctor went silent for a moment. Before she could speak, you decided to speak first.

"I couldn't tell you because I couldn't think if a nice way of telling you. I didn't want to appear weak to you." You cried as your voice cracked in the middle due to the tears and the strain. The Doctor looked at you in pity and disappointment.

"This does not make you weak. Being abused does not make you weak. Because being abused is like being tortured by someone who supposed to love you and cherish you. They are meant to protect you from danger not be the danger. I would never hurt you. I know that I put you in risky situations but believe me, I would never intentionally put you in danger. You mean too much to me" The Doctor softly spoke with tears making a little river down her soft cheeks and onto your black carpet below.

"Before I met them, I was like you or Yaz. I was so happy at everything. Very little could bring me down. But I met them and started dating them and suddenly, my world of sunshine faded to grey. There was no light. I wanted to die Doctor. When you found me at that spider hotel, I wanted to be free from them as I couldn't do it. I can't because they'd kill me. I don't want to be alive whilst I'm with them. I have so many scars from either them or me trying to end my own life and that the scariest thing. Death wants us to be terrified but wanting to die is so much more terrifying Doctor, I know that." You cried as you emptied all you could to her. The Doctor was silent for a moment, taking in everything you said. Waves of emotion flashed through her, anger, sadness, pity and something you couldn't quite place.

"You said wanted. That's past tense. You said wanted to die. What changed? What made you want to live?"

"You did. You saved me from the spiders. You gave me a temporary out of the relationship for a while. You made me smile for the first time in 3 years! You made me laugh. The world of grey is now full of sunshine and rainbows Doctor. You also saved me today. When I jumped across that canyon, I jumped to end my life. I made a mistake that nearly ended a planet! If I wasn't so fat and clumsy maybe i-"

"Don't you dare say that! You are not fat (n/n). Yes you have more plush to your body but you are not fat. I hate that word. Its such a nasty word. You are gorgeous, amazing and so brilliant. You can't see what I see and I really wished you could for just one moment. You are worthy of being loved and cared for. You are precious, rare, one of a kind. I've never met anyone like you. There's always some skinny, fake bodied and caked up women but there's no one with as much natural beauty as you! Let's get back to the TARDIS and we'll talk more when looking at the stars because I can see that being here isn't doing you any favours" The Doctor spoke with such passion that you started to believe that her words held more than those of a supporting friend would.

Once the TARDIS was parked in the Milky Way you settled by the door once again and found yourself accompanied by the sweet alien. You both sat there for a moment just content with wrapping your heads around what's just happened. You looked over to the blonde and noticed how the stars made her glow in such an ethereal way that you felt almost compelled to worship her. Maybe you should after everything she's done for you. Her eyes sparkled with si many emotions from the past senario.

"Are you still with them?"

"Why do you think I never left this place? I mean even if could, I wouldn't want to but it's mainly because if I go back home, I'll come back with more injuries. I feel safer with you. You are my sunshine and rainbows and they are my storm clouds. Whilst I'm here, I'm alive and mostly unbroken. Whilst I'm there, I'm as alive as a puppet and severely broken. I can't leave, not on my own anyway."

The Doctor looked at you in thought. "The starlight compliments you. You look so pretty and almost angelic. I just wish they never hurt my angel. My innocent angel had broken wings and I'm going to fix what the Devil broke, I promise. Just hold on, I'm going to take us somewhere."

You held the nearest crystal as the TARDIS transported you somewhere but it seemed like the sentient machine was determined to take you there as quick as she could. As you opened the doors you noticed a familiar smell of weed mixed with alcohol. You heard the familiar tune of Love Island and knew exactly where you were. You were home. The Doctor saw your hesitation and whispered softly, "I want you to pack everything you want. I've written a note for them to find. I'm going to put it on the bed. If they notice you scream for me and I'll be there. They will not hurt you much, hopefully not at all. I just need to do something in the TARDIS before I help you." She turned and left into the TARDIS and disappeared down a corridor.

The atmosphere sent chills down your spine and you were frozen. The TARDIS seemed to notice and words of encouragement were sent into your head which helped you move towards your bedroom. You quickly buy quietly opend your suitcase and started to fill it with clothing and hygiene products. As you entered the bathroom a bottle of their shampoo fell into the tub giving you away. You knew you only had so long before they came in and hurt you so you closed the door and barricaded it with whatever you could.

As you pushed the last cabinet to the pile they roared through the wooden door. "Let me in you fat dumb bitch. You've been gone for 3 weeks and you've got some balls coming back! You're lucky I haven't burned all your shit! Where have you been?"

Your heart ran at an extremely fast pace nd you knew only one person could help you now. And so you screamed her name so loud it hurt your throat bit that didn't stop you. You screamed until you heard talking. You couldn't understand what was said but suddenly a thud was heard and then silence.

"Hey Starlight! It's only me. I've taken care of them. They're not dead but in a venishion aikido. They can't move, they're paralysed. You can come out and finish packing"

You moved everything out of the door and opened it to a view you expected. The Doctor with 2 fingers to their pulse point on their neck. The Doctor smiled at when they saw you. You finished packing and zipped the bag up. Then Yaz walked in with her police uniform on and arrested them for domestic violence and many other things. Now you understood why The Doctor left, it was to get Yaz as a back up option to completely take them out of your life.

The Doctor helped open doors for you as you got your room and you set the suitcase to one side to empty another day. You both sat down on your bed. The sound was filled with nothing but 2 lifeforms breathing and the TARDIS faint buzzing. You two stayed like this, staring into each other, trying to read the others emotions. But we all know what The Doctor is like, she can't stay silent for long.

"I had to save you because as long as you were with them, you weren't ever going to be truly happy. I didn't want my big bright star to turn into a black hole, I wanted her to be a supernova. My Starlight deserves to be happy."

"You keep saying my Doctor. And you asked if I was still with them and then when I basically said yes, you quickly, as in a rush, sent us home so I could leave them. You keep saying all these things about me. You held my hand from the canyon to the drill. You are always the first to check on me and you always make sure I'm OK first even if I'm the farthest person from you! Doctor, be honest, I don't want any more bullshit. Doctor why?" You spoke softly but with determination. The Doctor blushed and shifted her gaze to the stars and quietly gulped. She knew this day would come. The day her secret was revealed. And she dreaded her answer and she dreaded your reaction. And whilst she figured out what to say, you already knew the answer.

You gently grabbed her chin and made her look at you. Once her gaze caught yours, you smiled and placed your lips to her soft ones. Quickly she caught up and kissed you back with all the love and passion she could muster. She wanted to relay that she did love you and that she would do exactly as she said earlier, she would cherish you.

As for you, you smiled. You finally had an out that didn't end in death but instead ended with the same love that you yearned for, for years.

[isagrimorie]

[initial reactions] Doctor Who - Revolution of the Daleks

TLDR: I liked it! But I do have some nitpicks. But bottom line, I liked it! Especially the exit! 

Apologies going in, if it’s rambling and incoherent.

First off, I’m going to get my criticisms out of the way:

- They really need to hire these two people:

a) Sensitivity readers

b) They need to have people of color in charge of casting. Andy Pryor has done a great job casting people but. Since they opened up casting more actors of color to be more diverse... most people in guest roles die. So it ends up being Not A Great Look.

It’s the kind of breezy: We’re hiring more actors of color without really considering the optics of it. Colorblind casting in this way shouldn’t be colorblind. More diversity behind the scenes is needed, especially in casting.

Colorblind casting isn’t representation. Execs have to consider how it looks that a black man is helping create ‘Security Drones’ for the government.

c) I get why Jack Robertson lived, and I’m actually okay with it because I know Chibbs is going somewhere and he’s interconnecting Specials to be their own kind of continuity, so next Special or series we will have Robertson appearing. But I can’t believe the Doctor believed Robertson. Unless she’s really learned from not interfering with politics, but man I wish there’s more vindication to that. I do have a sense of where this is going though, more on that later.  

d) I wish they’d gone harder with the Dalek = Police thing.

e) I really kind of wish the Doctor escaped on her own.

And now for my thoughts and the happy!

RYAN! I LOVE RYAN. I LOVE RYAN BEING EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND PUSHING BACK ON THE DOCTOR. It felt... earned that they do and, Ryan’s always been the more hesitant of the three and the more grounded. I love that it’s Ryan that the Doctor confided in, I’ve always felt like Ryan was the one Thirteen connected to the most after Grace died. And I love his development, ever since Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos Ryan is the first to quote the Doctor back to herself from the guns rule and now here to ‘New can be scary’, reminding the Doctor of her own words.

But also, I love that Ryan felt more connected to Earth, with his friends. Yaz was always the one who looks to the horizon. I like that Ryan pushed back on the smokescreen the Doctor tried to put up. Ryan was tired of the smokescreen. He had 10 months to work on his feelings about it and realized... he liked being home.

I wish we saw more what they were doing at home, like what Chibnall wrote for the Ponds in Power of Three. I did see this was his arc he was building to.

I liked that Graham was torn but eventually his loyalties are with Ryan.

I honestly think the fam thought the Doctor was just gone for a week, her time.

Also: FINALLY A COMPANION EXIT WHERE THEY’RE THE ONES WHO WALK AWAY. And because it’s time.

NO MORE TRAPPED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE OR DYING OR BEING CONVERTED PLEASE. Anyway, that is why I was vindicated because I was getting pretty antsy at all the twitter posts almost gleeful at the thought of companion death.

Nope. No more please. No more world ending, universe ending, heartbreaking ends. I want a Jo Grant walk away, and that is what happened. (Er, I hope we don’t get a Tegan leaving from Yaz, though. Sad and disillusioned walk away).

Yaz. Oh, dear, Yaz, who seems to have tossed her career away running after the Doctor’s shining star. I loved her conversation with Jack, he was a nice contrast and sounding board. Also, Jack was much kinder to the Doctor because they didn’t miss each other, the Doctor (according to RTD’s retcon) deliberately left Jack on Satellite Five.

Yaz is willing to run and jump without looking because of the Doctor and I love that we got her feelings about this.

And, of course, the Doctor. The moment Ryan said she missed 10 months, I felt she knew the clock was ticking on her ‘fam’. She’s trying to be good to them and do right by them.

(The Doctor knows Ryan’s ready to leave, she knew it. She’s trying to be in denial about it. But she knows).

It’s a small detail but when she processed the ‘ten months’ bit, she quickly looked to Ryan. Because if it’s one of the subtext things around is that she wanted to be a better father to Ryan than his real dad. But she still skipped out on him unknowingly.

The way he just brushed it off, because the worst part is. Ryan is used to it.

It’s sad that the Doctor opening up to the fam was brought on after a decades’ long solitary, and probably a promise to be better. But, she calculated wrong, or the TARDIS deliberately chose to go to that time. Whatever the case, just when she’s opening up to them is when Ryan decided his time with the Doctor was at an end.

God, the moment when Thirteen said: “Mostly... angry.”

I felt this. hard.

I think it was @ssaalexblake​ who mentioned that Thirteen acknowledging she’s angry might help with all of Thirteen’s repressed anger issues. And I think these are baby steps towards that.

She’s actually been so angry for so long, but she kept pushing it down. Like I said, Thirteen, in a way, reminds me of Raylan Givens of Justified. People think he’s mild mannered, but as his ex-wife amicably opined, Raylan was the angriest man she knew.

And I feel this for this Doctor but at least, now she’s addressing it. The first step in fixing a problem, is identifying the problem.

This was made in 2019. Thirteen being in a repeating lockdown felt very 2020 to me. The things that made me go: Oof, was the Harry Potter thing, the Doctor’s always loved HP. Unfortunately it’s post-2020 hindsight where we go: whoof.

I love Thirteen still mouthing off and being obnoxious towards other Doctor Who baddies. The Weeping Angel thing is cool and so are the Silents. BUT ALSO THE DOCTOR CALLED THE P’TING TINY! AND SHE TRIED TO EAT THE PRISON BARS. 

And then, of course, being more obnoxious with the Daleks. It’s pretty clear the difference in rawness of the Doctor’s feelings for the Daleks and the Cybermen. The Daleks’s an old ember. Her feelings for them are ice cold. A purity of feeling. The Daleks are evil and she has no compunction on killing them, the Cybermen? More personal and a raw nerve.

She’s willing to be cold towards the Daleks. 

I really like that Yaz has more skin in the game, and she knows what she can lose now. And after her talking with Jack, after seeing his perspective on it, and from his words knows that sometimes the Doctor just disappears from people’s lives.

And I love the pushback:

Skewered.

But true because she is trying to stay still and be with the fam and not leave them. But the unfortunate truth is, the Doctor does run away, and the Doctor does leave people behind and a lot of the times, the Doctor doesn’t come back because they’re an emotional coward.

The thing about Thirteen is she’s probably the longest of the Doctors to not disappoint her companions. She’s always managed to stop bad guys and always been there for them.  It’s an impressive track record for the Doctor. She’s built herself up in their eyes as someone they can rely on, and then she failed them by not getting back to them in time.

It’s not her fault, and none of them know how long it’s been for the Doctor, by the way she’s asked them I feel like they think she’s only been gone for a week.

Honestly, I’m impressed how the Doctor didn’t make it about her -- being in prison for longer than they thought. She’s looking at it from their point of view, because she already knows what big leaps in time would affect her friends.

TBH Revolution of the Daleks felt like shades of Last Christmas in that the Doctor regretted missing out time with her companion/s. In Last Christmas, the Doctor got his time back with Clara, in RotD, time passed.

Back to the Doctor and the Daleks tho.

This reminded of Twelve’s: “You are monsters. That is the role you seem determined to play. So it seems I must play mine. The Man that stops the Monsters.”

(Look, Chibnall’s Moffat references aren’t as sledgehammer, but he does reference a lot of Moffat’s things.).

Except with Thirteen, I’m actually more terrified. Jodie does this thing where her eyes goes black and she kind of disappears into herself, this is what happened here. This promise isn’t actually good IMO.

This is not a comforting face. This is a ‘I’m gonna kill a whole boatload of Daleks face and I’m not sorry, in fact I might enjoy doing that’ face.

(And, a brief aside to Robertson, I feel like the Specials have their own kind of special ‘movie’ continuity and more of his story will play out in the Specials, where hopefully he will get his comeuppance because, to me, I feel that’s where it’s going. This is more groundwork laying.

I don’t like it when the Doctor interferes with Human affairs, especially government -- because look what happened with Harriet Jones and how the Doctor broke the Golden Age. Also, I don’t want real world leaders to exist in the Whoverse because I want them to have a completely different track from us. So. Yeah, New Year’s Specials have their ongoing storyline. I’m actually not mad about it, and I enjoy Mr. Big’s performance. He’s a sleezeball. A sleezeball that knows more now. (He isn’t T rump but he isn’t better either). At least I find him enjoyable and not outright offensive. I’m okay seeing him again for the next Specials. I hope next time he does get his comeuppance.)

Now, the goodbyes:

 The HUG.

We’ve been waiting for the Doctor to be more physically affectionate with the fam, and it took the Doctor being locked down for decades (maybe?), and Ryan and Graham leaving for her to hug them. And we’re all right, Thirteen gives great hugs.

The feeling Thirteen’s been running away from is here, sadness. It’s good that Yaz decided to stay other wise... she’s just going to run headlong into forgetting her problems, Doctor Style.

And again, learning and re-learning things: ‘It’s okay to be sad.’

Oh, Thirteen.

(Before Twelve, I don’t think I was this sympathetic to the Doctor -- no wait, I was with Nine. Ten and Eleven tested my patience but it’s with Twelve and Thirteen where I’m 100% invested in the Doctor.

I also love that they’re kind of soft touching the Timeless Child thing, and as someone on twitter mentioned, this feels like an examination of an adoption story. The Doctor is going to search for their identity, their home).

I honestly wish Jack stayed in the TARDIS with Thirteen and Yaz. Jack’s a great balance, especially pushing back at the Doctor and her tactics. Her NUCLEAR tactics. I am glad that the Doctor’s still a dick to Jack, not much of an asshole as they were when the Doctor was Ten but still a dick.

Also, one thing I really love about Barrowman is that when he’s in Doctor Who, he knows it’s not his show and he doesn’t showboat, and the man can showboat. 

I’d rather Jack than random guy that I didn’t even know was gonna happen until very late.

Anyway, TLDR to all this: I enjoyed this very much! Still a lot to be parsed through in things that needs to be parsed through as I mentioned, but on the whole? I loved it.

[miss-bibbles]

SO I read a lot of fanfiction...like more than is probably healthy for me, but it brings me a lot of joy so I'm gonna keep doing it. I recently finished Evolution is spelt with an R by de-sire and I was pretty obsessed with it, I just there are so many things I love about it. I loved the world-building and that it approached the wizarding war from a different perspective

My taste tends to vary pretty widely, I'll go from mature to general. If you haven't read operation toebeans by moonymoment you should because it's so adorable I'm obsessed with it.

I also read "Don't blame me, love made me crazy" by coupe_de_foudre recently and it was adorable. Flirty Jegulus gives me life!

ALSO Quite like Us is so cute and I am waiting with baited breath for the next chapter. I really want to see how the author is going to work with Sirius and Regulus' relationship. It's so clear they love each other but they are both a mess who don't really know how to have actual real conversations. I haven't read the other two you mentioned yet, I'm not a big wip person, I have to really be in the mood to get into one, I tend to read fics all in one sitting and I get anxiety sometimes when I don't know what happens immediately

Don't hate me but I'm 100% the person who purposefully spoils movies and things sometimes for myself because the waiting makes me anxious, so I follow Yaz on here and am pretty much up to date on what's happening in WYWM and I'm super excited to read it when they are finished with it, and I'll live happily knowing all the spoilers thus far

SO for my favorite Au's, I'm pretty partial to magic au's, I absolutely adore seeing how authors see the world and how they expand on it and all the magical theory they put behind it (I'm a huge nerd for magical theory). I enjoy a good modern au when I'm in the mood for it. I've been known to read a time travel fic every once in a while (back to magical theory, I find the theory behind it truly fascinating)

I'm getting ready to read "The things I did" by lolo-row which is a wolfstar fic that just finished. All I really know about it is that it's based after james/lily die and Remus realized the Sirius azkaban thing is fishy and he works to get him free and also works to get Harry away from his shitty relatives. I have high hope for it, so we will see.

What's your favorite fic you've read recently? What au's make you go high-key feral?

-Chaotic Fanfic Anon

i read fanfics a lot that everyone in the household is kind of concerned about me but i'm me and i'm always insane. but i had a humongous increase in my prescription after i started reading fanfics till very very very late in the dark, under the covers. so. probably not healthy

de-sire is such a great writer! they have so many amazing fics but i've yet to read the one you're referring to

i added tobeans and don't blame me to my tbr! thanks for the rec

yess quite like us is pretty adorable. i love it! i've read way too many wrong number AUs but i think there's only one for jegulus. i don't follow many wips too. at first i read everything under the tags but then i came to love a select few and i follow only them.

SAME i ruin everything by going and searching the events of a movie or a book online but i can't fucking help it. no one actually understands how my brain works. its a mystery that im going to pretend ik the answers to

wywm and yaz is a void that sucks everyone in whether or not you're reading the fic. please its just so funny and sweet how you followed them and then stuck around for updates and spoilers of a fic you haven't read and now love as your own

i got sick of sad, canon compliant magical au jegulus so i haven't picked up a magic au in a while. but i agree with being a nerd and freaking out over well developed magic systems in fantasy books. like omg its the most fun part to read and also to write if you're a writer

i've read two or three time travel fix its. there's one i beta-ed for which is Ouroboros. the others i don't recall.

my favorite recently read fic...omg i haven't started new fics in a while. eesh. but i did post a list of comfort fics so you can check that out

what AU makes me go feral. mmm. i love modern AUs bc there's so much potential for everything. i hope this makes sense but i really love how writers translate a certain event from canon to the modern AU and change it - like werewolf remus has a chronic condition instead. little things like that.

enemies to friends to lovers makes me go *incoherent shrieking* which is why i've started writing my own romeo juliet business rivals AU for jegulus bc if gods provide me no content then i will take my destiny in my own hands

[melancholydreadfuldream]

hope is blood on broken glass

Fandom: Doctor Who

Summary: The Doctor found out what happened to a former companion after they left his care.

Warning: mention of torture.

   The thing about being the companion of the Doctor is you can't stay with him forever. You would eventually have to leave the Doctor and the Tardis. You would have to try to put the pieces that is the life you have before the Doctor back on track. 

  The time the companion spend with the Doctor will change them for better or worse. They became changed by the experiences that sometimes they seek for a life that closely resembles those time with the Doctor. Like Martha who worked for UNIT, Jack for Torchwood, Sarah-Jane Smith who formed her own group, even Rose and the Metacrisis who also have a version of Torchwood in their world. They are all become a defender of Earth in their own way. 

  Some are able to somewhat returned to their mundane life and whether they were able to have a good life or not, well, the Doctor tried not to interfere or find out what happened to them. It wasn't necessary to add heartbreaks to see how they ended. But he always believe they will all be brilliant.

  But you never felt that way.

  UNIT has tons of file they collected about the Doctor and the companion he had over the years. They kept an eye on the companion from time to time.

  (yn) (ln) was a companion of the Eleventh Doctor alongside Amy and Rory. But you left him after realizing you couldn't handle your unrequited feeling for him anymore. You felt less in his eyes, not as good as his fairy-tale princess, Amelia Pond, not as brave as Rory the Roman, not as brilliant as his beloved wife, River Song. The Doctor has his own family and that does not includes you, despite his assurance.

  The last time you saw him, you had confessed your feeling for him despite knowing he didn't feel the same. For you, it might be the closure you needed to move on. 

 The Doctor couldn't say anything to you upon your confession and honestly you didn't expect him to. You had packed your suitcases, ready to leave the Tardis when he finally apologized to you. He hugged you and told you that you are brilliant and that you are one of his best friend. He didn't stop you from leaving, that hurts a little but you know it was for the best. The both of you could not handle the awkwardness after your confession. But he did tell you to call him should you need anything.

  Life after the Doctor is as mundane as you thought it would be but that is your only option. And for a while, things just doesn't work as you wanted it too and you got so sad, so depressed. It was a year later, more or less, that life gradually less painful and more bearable. You finally got a stable job and the salary is good. You are okay. 

  On 14th December 2020, (yn) (ln) disappeared. UNIT case officer on the Doctor File assumed you were back with the Doctor until a missing person report is filed two weeks later. Even then, he still think you were out there, travelling with the Doctor. It won't be the first time a companion of the Doctor is reported missing by a family member as in the case of one Rose Tyler or in your case, your work friends.

  Two years later, an FBI raid in New York revealed a strange basement on abandoned building where they found a bunch of people whom they assumed victims of human experiment considering their pitiful state. 

  The breaking news on the worldwide were talking about how these victims were actually the missing people from all over the world and they have been missing in various different years, ranging from two years up to seven years. Most of their cases has been dropped for the lack of trails of their whereabouts.

  Martha Jones has worked for UNIT for a while now and has been privy to the Doctor File UNIT has collected over the years. She has read about your file and distinctly wondered what happened to you. She had asked Kate Steward once why she didn't contact the Doctor regarding your whereabouts.

  Kate, too, has assumed the Doctor has lost you somewhere along the line of the adventure. After all, the adventures with him always consist of danger and there were many instant of the Doctor's companion files be labeled as missing or as to be assumed of the worst case scenario, dead. Also, she didn't make a habit of contacting the Doctor regarding a former companion, believing the Doctor has move on from them to new ones.

  So, imagine their surprise, when a leaked list of the victim names from the FBI case suddenly showed up on the internet with your name among them.

  Believing the case must be alien in nature, UNIT swoop in to take the case from the FBI much to their annoyance. And as Martha is charged to treat these victims, they really didn't know what to make of the case. Is it alien in nature or just plain old human cruelty?

  These victims are all malnourished, you could practically see their bones through the skins. On their arms littered many scars from oh so many injections. Their wrists were marked with the heaviness of their shackles. All of their hairs has turned silver, presumably from the experiments. They weren't responding well with the new treatments and they weren't responsive.

  You sat on your bed in your assigned room, staring blankly at the wall, unresponsive like the rest. That is until Martha mentioned the Doctor and you became hysterical, screaming and crying, scratching your skins till you drew blood. You were quickly sedated.

  Martha and Kate started to consider to call on the Doctor, believing the Doctor might have some answers in regard of your reaction of him.

  "He would want to know!"

  "Would he?" Kate asked. "Look at her."

  "I am looking! She need the Doctor!"

  "Are you sure about that?"

  "You really want to hide this from the oncoming storm?"

  In the end, Kate relented to Martha's demand to call the Doctor. 

  Kate expected that they will get the Twelfth Doctor and his current companion, Clara Oswald, but instead a young woman in rainbow striped and a hoodie appeared before them, followed by three people they assumed her new companion.

  "Martha Jones!" The Doctor smiled brightly as she went to give her a hug.

  "Doctor." Martha is still eyeing the Doctor's current body. "What an upgrade."

  "I know right?" She grinned. "Fam, this is Martha Jones, one of my best friends. And that is Kate Steward, UNIT leader." She introduced them. "They are Yaz, Ryan and Graham, my fam."

  "Fam?" Martha raised an eyebrow teasingly.

  "So what is the big emergency?" The Doctor asked.

  Immediately the mood turned sombre.

  "(yn) (ln)?" The Doctor repeated in shock after Martha and Kate explained everything to her. She glanced at your medical file and winced at what she read there. "I want to see her."

  "You will but we have to warn you, she might not react well to you, well, to the Doctor anyway." Kate said.

  The Doctor frowned. 

  7777

  The Doctor, upon reading your file, know she has to prepare herself to see you at your current condition. She tried to school her expression as she walked toward you hesitantly, knowing your fragile state. It broke her hearts to see one of her best friends ended up like this. But she has to talk to you, get some answers from you.

  She bend her knees in front of you and spoke softly to you, "Hey, (yn)."

  You didn't even look at her. You were still mostly sedated.

  "It's me, the Doctor."

  That got a small reaction from you as you flinched harshly at the name.

  The Doctor noticed this as she swallowed down hard. "I have regenerated. I am a woman now. You see?"

  You glanced at her with a hint of curiosity but it was quickly extinguished.

  "I'm sorry that this happened to you. Could you tell me what happened?" The Doctor asked gently.

  You didn't answer.

  The Doctor sighed in disappointment but as she made to move away from you, you whispered hoarsely at her. Your voice is small and filled with tremor. She nearly couldn't catch what you says.

  "Where were you?"

  "I... What?"

  "Where were you? I called you. I called you. I escaped and I called you. But you hung up. They dragged me back. You didn't come for me. Where were you? Why didn't you come for me? I waited. I waited. I waited. But you didn't come." You whispered in a broken tone. "Why didn't you come?" 

  The Doctor and everyone in the room froze at what you said.

  "Doctor?" Yaz called out. "What is she talking about?"

  "I...I have no idea..." The Doctor answered in a shaky tone. "I..." 

  And then she remembered. You did call her in her previous incarnation. He was with Clara on urgent mission when he got your call just as he was about to left the Tardis, bearing some equipment he need to save the day. He was surprised to get a call from you but he was at the times in an emergency and honestly the call was mostly static. He was busy and told you to call him back again later and hung up. He hung up. He never called you back, too busy with another emergencies.

  The Doctor blanched at the realization. Her hearts shattered with the knowledge she play a part in your misery. She could have save you. He could have save you. But she didn't. He didn't. The Doctor has unknowingly abandoned you to your fate, has not even realized you were missing.

  "I am sorry. I am so sorry." She whispered to you.

  You glanced at her blankly as you shut down again.

  7777

  "It wasn't your fault." Martha tried to convince the Doctor. "You couldn't have known."

  The Doctor is feeling numb. She tried to focus on the rest of the victims but none of them in any condition or in enough of a coherent mind to talk. Between the sorrow and the guilt, she is furious at whoever did this to you. She vowed to find them and make them pay dearly for hurting you. You were still her friend, her companion and she has a duty of care. Whoever did this to you, they better be ready to face the oncoming storm, human or alien, they will all pay.

  Martha tried to calm her down, sensing her anger at herself and at whoever did this. "What she need right now is you by her side, help her with her recovery, Doctor."

  The Doctor know Martha is right but to be honest, she is afraid to face you. She doesn't know how you could ever forgive her for abandoning you in your time of need. She knew she could never forgive herself. River was right, the Doctor really couldn't handle the damage sometimes, no wonder River always hide her pain from her husband. The Doctor really is rubbish at this.

  An alarm sounded surprising the Doctor from her lament. Martha is quick to deal with an emergency when seemingly two of the victims having seizures. When they were pronounced dead on the scene, the Doctor know she has to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible before the same thing happened to you. She will not lose you to this, not when she just found you again. And God help those who cause the Doctor to lose another companion for she will show them no mercy.

       A/N: Just a short fic to pass the time. So this fic is also about Thirteenth Doctor having to deal with the 'mess' her previous incarnations unknowingly left behind. Originally I plan to make this longer with reader in a process of recovery but died halfway after reconcile with the Doctor but I just don't have the patience to write it hence I just left it at that.