#it makes me angry but also really scared how much the word bitch gets thrown around | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anika-ann · 3 years

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Just a Human (S.R.)

Type: mini-series turned one-shot, SHIELD recruit!reader

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word count: 8750

Summary: Being a SHIELD recruit was a dream come true, especially with people like Sergeant Barnes or Captain Rogers offering an input to your class’ training.

It was also hard work for many different reasons. One of them being all those guys around; not all of them were exactly fit to become heroes, simply because they were not good people.

Maybe you shouldn’t have pointed it out so openly though. Then again, what would the world turn into if you kept your mouth shut when feeling like speaking up?

WARNINGS: so-so graphic description of assault almost turned sexual, violence and a bit of blood, boys being boys in a real bad way, language

A/N: Steve Rogers vs assholes, round 2. Also, ‘you’ vs. assholes. And Bucky in the mix.

A/N: This was originally posted as a miniseries on AO3, but now edited, I decided to thrown it in as a long, sort-of three part one-shot. Enjoy and mind the warnings.

(gif source dailymcugifs, divider by firefly-graphics)

A Handful of Spite

“Can you believe the fucking nerve on him?!” Henry hissed, punching the bag harder and catching your attention. The statement was followed by his companion nodding grimly.

You tried to ignore the walking testosterone jerks; you never liked either Henry or Jim. The reason was simple – they were, as you loved to remind people, an advertisement on toxic masculinity. Bullies on top of that. The kind of people you wanted to avoid at all costs.

You weren’t that lucky to have that chance though.

So instead, you scoffed under your breath and continued your sit-ups series. You had more important things to do than wonder about what they were talking about this time.

It was your regular training session with the other SHIELD recruits led by Sergeant Barnes – which--- oh my. When joining the academy, you had no clue that the director’s ‘you’ll be learning from the best’ meant that of all things; trained by the more-than-once-believed-late James Buchanan Barnes. Everyone here knew his story – or at least some of it. The brainwashing. The murders. His heroics to make up for them as much as he could. His everlasting friendship and a nickname that was tied to it. Bucky; the very best friend of the oh-so-praised Captain America.

Oh, speaking of which, he joined the sessions too. You were being trained by not one, but two supersoldiers slash war heroes. You couldn’t believe this was your life sometimes, but you were not one to dwell on it. You just accepted it as a fact. An abso-fucking-lutely incredible fact.

“He’s just a fucker, man. Forget about Barnes, you have Cassie in your pocket. Just ‘cause he’s all sticky sweet on her doesn’t mean she’ll suck his-“

You made a disgusting face, pushing harder to tune out the conversation. You wanted to gag and at the same time, your blood was boiling.

Could there be a jerk who was objectifying women more than Jim? A guy who was using his lower brain more frequently than him? Doubtful. You really wanted to throw up at rubbish that was leaving his mouth.

Not to mention that he was throwing dirt on Sergeant Barnes who absolutely didn’t deserve it.

“-he’s like that to all of them. The chicks. And they fucking dig him, it’s disgusting. He makes the poor brainwashed kicked puppy face, reminding the sob story of his and they’re all dropping to their knees I swear…” Jim continued, practically spitting the venomous words.

You squeezed your eyes shut, half furious and half guilty; the sergeant did have a heart-breaking backstory and many girls were making eyes on him, their hearts softened by the tragedy and his bravery, yes. And you couldn’t say it wasn’t moving you as well, filling you with compassion – but compassion only. Obviously, Sergeant Barnes was objectively a very attractive man too, but what they were saying… ugh.

He didn’t deserve these insults; he was not trying anything on anyone, he wasn’t offering his ‘sob story’, actually being rather secretive about it for obvious and no doubt painful reasons. He couldn’t really couldn’t be blamed for the girls fawning over him a bit more because of it, could he? What was he supposed to do? Stop breathing? Stop doing what he chose to be his job?

It wasn’t his problem – and thank god for that – that these two assholes had egos the size of Texas and couldn’t handle a little competition.

Seriously. Walking testosterone-filled jerks. You seriously considered moving from the station you had been given, eyeing Captain Rogers, checking if he would notice.

“Well, he’s not. Getting. Any. From. My. Chick. Asshole!”

The bag swung wildly under Henry’s blows despite Jim holding it. You laid off, taking your fifteen second break.

“I bet he’s fucking them all on side. Always so… so soft on them. I bet he’s leaving all the hard shit for bed,” Jim snorted, somewhere between angry at him competition and amused at his own crude joke.

You were gonna puke. You were sure of it.

“And he’s too hard on us. Showing off for them. I would fucking want to see him holding up against us without that metal arm-“

You had enough. You sat up sharply, panting, your face flushed, unsure whether it was from the exercise or the exchange you were listening to.

“Are you serious?!” you hissed their way, earning their shocked glances.

And then, Jim’s face twisted in annoyance and disgust.

“Oh geez, you’re one of them, aren’t you?” he snarked, rolling his eyes. “The fangirls.”

More heat burned in your cheeks. You weren’t kidding anyone; both the sergeant and the captain had showed up in your not so innocent dreams, but you were only human, alright. There was only so much time you could spend with two very fine men like them in one room, a bit sweaty and rough (or just slightly gentler with the ladies) until your brain reacted. Mostly to the captain. Not the point.

But actually crossing the line? Being a part of the thing they were describing if it ever existed? Waiting in the line until one of them picked you for the evening with a promise to do it again after they… Jesus what, tried all the others? No, thank you. You had some dignity left.

Also, you simply couldn’t imagine them doing such thing. Raised in a different era, tried by war and pain and lost, yet remaining the great men they were? Just nope.

“No! Jesus, are you even listening to yourself?” you hissed, minding your volume. You hoped that the low hum of voice in the room, of others working out, giving each other pointers and the noise of the machines would offer you a cover from the rest of your companion.

“What, you wanna tell me they’re not going easy on you? On any chick, really?”

“Yeah, well, maybe because they don’t actually want to break our bones during training. Supersoldiers. Superstrength. Does that ring a bell?” you pointed out, reaching for your water bottle, hoping either of your trainers would forgive you when seeing you only took a sec to have a sip.

Henry scoffed, leaning onto the bag. “Sounds like someone has a crush…”

You couldn’t help the motion of your hands, inconspicuously throwing them in the air in frustration.

Why were you even speaking to them? You should have kept your mouth shut!

“Oh go to hell, Ulrich! You’re just jealous and scared that your girl whom you treat like a piece of shit will run off,” you murmured, wiping your forehead off sweat.

“Yeah, because they’re sure pulling their punches with guys too,” Jim complained again, rolling his eyes as Henry now watched you, eyes narrowed in anger – oh you hit a nail on the head, alright.

You couldn’t but mirror Jim’s action, deciding to stick to Devil’s advocate, because…. yeah, because it wasn’t fair to either Rogers or Barnes. They were good people and didn’t deserve this.

“So they’re not beating the shit out of us like they do with you, get over it.”

“They’re humiliating us! Showing off their big muscles, trying to impress all the chicks-“

You chuckled incredulously as they actually admitted the real reason behind their bitching so openly; as if you hadn’t known the whole time. Ego. Ohhh, the ego was bruised. Call 911, CPR is gonna be needed! God, how did they even live with ego this big? Compensating for something?

“They’re doing their job. Training. Yes, they go a bit harder on you, because your physiology can take it. Did it ever occur to you that they have bigger problems than entering a pissing contest with you just so they could steal the girls? Jeez… just… maybe try to be less of assholes and the girls will be into you too… ”

You missed the hard look Henry gave you, laying down again, this time on your belly to work on your back.

You wheezed when a knee suddenly dug into your back, violently and painfully knocking the air out of your lungs. Before you could react, one of your arms was twisted behind your back, Henry’s voice raspy right into your ear, low and dangerous.

“Listen, you little bitch, you don’t get to talk to me like that. Understand? Huh?”

He was so proving your point, but you didn’t have the time You tried to breathe in properly, and free your arm while pushing up on the free one, your muscles burning with the effort. Shit, he was heavy. You wheezed again instead of the answer.

“Can’t hear you, sweetie. What was that?”

Peripherally, you could see heavy boots approaching rapidly, making a quick guess of who that could be. You gritted your teeth, tears of humiliation pricking your eyes. You were not about to give Henry the satisfaction of proving his point of your trainers being sweet on all the girls even if this so wasn’t that.

“Screw. You,” you let out with the last oxygen left, grabbing his left calf and sharply tugging to the very same side. A half-second later when his weight of you eased just a fraction, you threw your body to the left as well, adding a jerk of your legs.

Both of you rolled over, him ending up under you and you quickly spun away, gasping, desperately fighting for air. As it burned your windpipe, it was as painful as welcomed. Little spots danced inf ornt of your eyes, but you quickly blinked them away – luckily for you, Henry didn’t dare to attack you again.

You shook your head before pushing to sit up, only to meet with Captain Rogers’s strict gaze.

“What the hell is going on in here?” he demanded, sharp blue eyes flickering between the three of you.

Maybe you were hallucinating, but he seemed to be murdering Henry with his eyes. Uh-uh. You would have been glad he was, hadn’t Henry been talking about favouritism only few moments ago. You pushed up simultaneously with him and you both stood straight, facing the captain.

“Apologies, sir,” you stated mechanically, his gaze immediately shifting to you. Your heart stopped. Oh wow, you would swear the blue of his irises was on fire. You gulped. “We had a slight disagreement with Mr. Ulrich. I’m aware I shouldn’t have been talking to him in the first place. I’ll take whatever punishment is given to me.”

“Yeah, I bet you’d liked taking a punishment from him, wouldn’t you…” Jim muttered under his breath, making your gut twist in disgust.

Was he ever not thinking about sex? You prayed the captain didn’t hear him and you had to stop yourself from shooting Jim a murderous glare.

“I don’t think that’s necessary. Consider it a warning. Mr. Ulrich? You have something to add before you take a few laps?”

You could literally hear Henry’s blood boiling. You opened your mouth to ask for the same punishment, not wanting to have his point proved. You never got the chance to speak.

“No, sir. I only don’t understand why I’m the only one being punished,” Henry questioned innocently and you gritted your teeth.

Maybe because you attacked me, you dickhead?

Captain glared at him for a moment before his gaze shifted to Jim. “You’re not. Mr. Larkin is following your example.”

You pressed your lips together, this time to stop a smile threatening to spread on your lips. God, who knew America’s Golden Boy could get that sassy? You cleared your throat.

“If I might speak, sir, I deserve to run the laps as well,” you noted carefully, earning a curious expression from your superior. You could tell he wavered, a strange spark appearing in his eyes.

You desperately wanted him to let you run too even if you breathing was still a bit difficult; because otherwise Henry would be proved right. Yeah, nope.

“Very well, then. Ten laps around the gym, recruits. Then you move to the station free at the moment. Go. Don’t let it happen again.”

The three of you nodded dutifully and picked up a pace. For some reason, you could feel the captain’s eyes on you while he walked back to assisting his friend with hand-to-hand training. You glimpsed the sergeant leaning to him, probably asking what was that about, but the blond just shook his head.

Towards the eighth lap, you were being overpassed by Henry and Jim, who ran together; faster than you, whether you liked it or not.

“This isn’t over, bitch,” his hateful hiss reached your ears and you picked up speed stubbornly, not showing them that they might intimidate you even for a second.

They wished.

Even when leaving the room after the session was finished, you would swear there was a pair of blue eyes burning a hole to the back of your head. You hoped that you’d soon be free of the captain’s attention.

You sure didn’t want him to watch too closely. You didn’t need him behind your back to see mistakes you sometimes made just like anybody else. Also, it would be harder to admire and ogle him; you did that occasionally, okay. You were just a human, after all.

A Handful of Mistakes

Shauna, your roommate and bestie from science division of SHIELD, was very patient listening to your lament about guys being dicks; she was awesome like that.

So you vigorously vented your frustration with male population, rolled your eyes when mimicking the silent threat of ‘this not being over’, had a very unhealthy piece of cake at the cafeteria that afternoon and moved on.

You should have known better.

Henry’s words came haunting you few days later; which was too bad, because you had already forgotten about them, until the very moment they had punched you to the face.

…or rather to your shoulder and it wasn’t even a punch, more like one of those bumps people did, especially when they were being jerks, shoving you too hard for you to believe it was an accident.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there,” you threw over your shoulder sarcastically, continuing your way to the women’s locker room.

In hindsight, that was probably mistake number one; ignoring Henry and not starting a fight right there, not to mention being mouthy.

To be fair, you had no interest in further interaction; you were exhausted from the training, you were sticky and sweaty and all you craved was a shower. You would have just gone to have one at your dorm, but Shauna was having a hot date and you didn’t want to step on her toes. So you had taken your toiletries with you, using the showers near the gym.

Using the gym shower; mistake number two. It meant all of the students being gone by the time you emerged in fresh homey clothes, hair dripping water, because you hated hair-dryers and avoided them unless they were completely necessary.

You had spent much longer in the shower than needed, allowing your muscles to completely relax under the spray of water. That was mistake number three.

The fourth mistake was your pride. When you saw Henry, Jim, George (at least you thought, you weren’t sure, not having many classes with him) and Frank in the corridor, clearly waiting for you, since they bounced off the wall they had been resting against when you appeared, you should have probably been smarter and scream for help right away.

But no, you were being Miss Future Agent and you weren’t intimidated by four equivalents of high school jocks. Yep, this one was definitely the biggest mistake of yours.

“Fellas,” you beckoned to them, passing them gracefully, your bag over your shoulder along with the wet towel.

You barely made a few steps before a hand gripped your arm, harshly tugging you back. Your heart jumped into your throat, but you tried your best not to let it show. You turned to Henry, looking at his face, head tilted back just slightly due to his height.

“Is there a problem, Ulrich?” you asked calmly, earning a lift of his eyebrows at your tone.

“You know there is. I told you it was not over.”

You tried to ignore your pulse skyrocketing and the panic rising in your gut. You were not that stupid – you understood the implications. You knew that with four guys slowly circling you, you would have to fight bites and nails if it came to it and probably still lose. Sometimes it was just better to walk away and swallow your pride; a concept Henry and Jim clearly didn’t understand.

You jerked from Ulrich’s grip, still hoping you could walk away and call it day.

“It is over for me. Now if you’ll excuse me…“

Yes, you were being naïve thinking it would work.

The bag was torn away from your shoulder, your fingers automatically letting go to stay attached to your hand. You gritted your teeth, blood slowly reaching the boiling point.

Also, maybe you were more than just a bit afraid. Not that you would ever admit it to them.

Henry’s hand reached for your chin and your snatched it away in disgust before he could even make contact with your skin. Amusement dances in his eyes along with a flash of anger.

“Oh, kitty has claws?”

You felt another hand on your backside, sending a shudder up your spine, so you grabbed it, shoving it away as well.

Jim. Why weren’t you surprised? Pigs. What the fuck was their problem?

“I’ll let you know when I meet any. Now get out of my way,” you spat, your gut twisting as a sly grin spread on Henry’s face and he made a step right into your route.

“Or what? You’ll scratch, kitty? Or you’ll scream? Like a little girl?” he mocked you in high-pitched voice, his face lowering to yours so you were only inches apart.

“Bet you’d like that,” you murmured, narrowing your eyes when his breath with an unmistakable hint of alcohol fanned over your face. “No, I’ll offer you a breath-mint, because honestly you should do something about your breath.”

Yep, that was the mistake no.5 and definitely an enormous one.

You heard one of the guys chuckle, but you never got to enjoy the thrill of victory.

Out of blue, there was something around your neck, the weight of the towel shifting (add that to the mistake list) and your body flew backwards, colliding with a male one. George was it?

Your hands went to instinctively grab after the towel crushing your throat, but suddenly they were wrested down and pinned to your sides by strong arms. Jim had caught one, Henry another. Fucking cowards.

With your breath coming out short with both lack of oxygen and rising fear, your pulse thundering in your ears, you tried to jerk from their grip, but they wouldn’t budge, having an undeniable advantage.

Oh fuck, fuck, you were so fucked.

“Sassy little mouth, aren’t we?” Henry hummed, wry expression on his ugly face. “So dirty, feels like we should wash it with something. Who wants to go first, fellas?”

Loud alarm bells rang in your head, icy shiver running down your spine, stomach turning over.

Oh no, you don’t.

Your knee snapped up on instinct to gain the momentum, followed by a swift low kick to Jim’s knee.

He yelped and let go of your arm, allowing you to send an elbow straight to George’s face; and finally, your airways were free as the assault as the towel trap loosened.

You coughed, fighting for oxygen and mindlessly threw the item away to have at least one arm free.

“Bitch!” one of the men yelled; you weren’t sure which one, but you didn’t waste time thinking too much. Survival instinct took over.

Tears prickled in the corners of your eyes and you barely silenced the scream when Henry took advantage of your hesitation, twisting your arm behind your back. Fuck he really had a thing for that, didn’t he?

You tried to kick him, but someone else’s leg somehow managed to swept their leg under yours and you fell on your knees. Sharp tug on your hair caused you to cry out and obediently tilt your head back. Few tears escaped you, but you pushed up in attempt to get up again.

A kick coming from behind threw your body forwards and you nearly fell on your face when Henry finally let go of you. You tasted blood as you bit your cheek, but you managed to at least land on your shoulder instead of face-planting.

It still hurt like a bitch, but at least you still had all your teeth… or you thought so, not having time to check. Catching a movement from the corner of your eye, you managed to roll over before a kick to your side could hit you with full force. Frank’s foot only brushed you, but you were sure you’d have a bruise as a souvenir anyway.

A punch landed next to your face when you dodged it in the last moment, someone grabbing your legs and holding them together. Between your efforts to free them, you didn’t have time to chase away the body suddenly holding your arms as well.

“Fuck--- she’s a handful.”

A ragged battle cry erupted from your throat as you tried to jerk your body from their grip on pure instinct, every self-defence move you had ever learned flying of the window.

“More fun to break her, don’t you think?” Henry purred, his hand sneaking around your waist under the hem of your t-shirt.

Your head spun like crazy at the skin-to-skin contact and nausea hitting you hard. You wanted to puke and scream and punch and you couldn’t make yourself to do either, tears rolling down your cheeks as your body convulsed in a desperate attempt to break free.

There was ringing in your ears, disorienting you, but aware of the hand suddenly covering your mouth you tried to bite it on instinct holding you down.

“Oh-ho, biting!“ you heard, strangely muffled as if you were under water.

“I like them feisty-“

“Playing hard to get!”

“Shit, SHIT-“

The pressure on your legs eased all of sudden and you immediately kicked with all you had, catching the rising figure in the calf, knocking them off balance.

“Fuck!”

You would swear the floor vibrated, but in must have only been your mind playing tricks on you. George disappeared from your field of blurry vision; you only saw a fist sending him flying sideways.

Yep, your mind was fucking making up things, because there was no way he could have been thrown away like this by a single punch. You weren’t complaining; the relief the illusion provided was almost blissful.

Henry’s body weight vanished as well in nearly supersonic speed as if he wanted to escape the illusion. So you did the first thing that came to your mind; with your hands free, you grabbed his ankle, stopping him from running away. Which, thinking about it, was stupid, because only a moment before, you would have given anything to get him the fuck away from you.

He kicked back blindly, but his sole never met with your body – he was dragged away and… and lifted to the air as if he weighted nothing.

Blinking your tears away, your fuzzy mind cleared.

Only to reveal a very muscled and very much pissed off blond slamming Henry against a wall and then letting his suddenly unconscious body slide down.

You gasped, your eyes catching a glimpse of the fourth figure – Frank – several feet away, running for his life.

“Buck?!” came a shout and before you could question it, a metal arm emerged from behind the corner, stopping Frank dead as he rushed straight into it.

“Yep?!” the dark-haired supersoldier yelled back, sounding almost amused.

What the hell was happening? What the hell just happened?!

You blood sizzled in your veins, loud and rapid thump-thump-thump banging in your ears, face damp with several shed tears, body aching and your mind fucking racing.

You heard a whimper on your left, automatically turning to the sound. It left Jim’s lips, his form crumbled on the floor, struggling to stand up.

The captain’s knee seemed to come out of nowhere, digging into Jim’s back and pinning him down again before you even registered a movement.

“Is it fucking over now?”

“Steve, let him be. Not worth it,” Barnes’ voice tried to reason, sounding rather growly, but not nearly as loud as before. He approached your group in rapid pace and Rogers scoffed and let go.

You gulped at sergeant’s angry grimace, crazily convinced he was angry with you for all the mistakes you made that lead to this; but his expression softened when his gaze fell on you.

“Hey there,” he greeted you almost casually, holding out a hand to help you up. “Can you stand?”

You blinked several times at the suddenly dispassionate tone, even if you still sensed something bubbling under it. You shook off the thought and accepted the offered hand – the flesh one. The detail didn’t escape you, your bran in overdrive. Of course he hadn’t offered you the metal arm. He didn’t want to scare you. He was thoughtful like that-

-or not. The strength he dragged you up with was way too much for you, more so when combined with the speed and your state. You stumbled over your feet, a wave of dizziness messing with your balance.

You awaited the upcoming reunion with the floor, unable to stop the fall, but it never happened. Before you could as much as reel, gentle hands supported you in a firm grip, pleasantly warm against your bare arms.

“Whoa, take it easy,” Rogers’ voice warned you, soothing. For some reason, it felt more like ‘I got you,’ instead of ‘take it easy.’

You took a deep breath, Barnes’ hand letting go of yours as he semi-voluntarily handed you over to his friend.

“You’re bleeding from your mouth.”

Thanks for the reminder, I noticed.

You swallowed the snarky remark, well-aware of the sergeant’s care. You fought against the urge to spit the blood out.

“Is fine…” you muttered, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “Bit my cheek. I’m pretty sure I—“ you quickly ran your tongue over your teeth just to confirm your theory, “-still have all of my teeth.”

Sergeant Barnes gave you a tiny smile, the worried crinkle that had found its way between his brows disappearing.

“Whatever you say.”

His gaze flickered to something behind your head, probably in order of exchanging a wordless conversation with your still present crutch. Not that you were complaining. The weight of what had happened was slowly settling on your shoulders and you were grateful for any support – and who were you kidding, Captain America made for a pretty reliable support.

“Why don’t we leave you in pu- Cap’s capable hands while I-“ Barnes’ jaw clenched, pale eyes scanning the four bodies on the floor, calculating. “-take out the trash?”

You nearly choked at the choice of his words, wincing. Captain Rogers’ hands squeezed your shoulders reassuringly and you nodded, not sure what else to do.

You didn’t want to look at Henry. Or Jim. Or their loyal companions.

So when the captain carefully spun you on your heels, you didn’t protest and your feet started moving on autopilot in the direction he had set.

“You okay to walk without support?” he asked softly, a stark contrast to the voice you remembered from earlier or from the training sessions.

You knew that if you said yes, he would let go of you. Honestly, his touch felt damn nice, firm and yet somewhat gentle, a pleasant contrast to harsh fingers of the men who had the nerve to attack you – you had to swallow bile rising to your mouth at the awfully fresh memory. Fuck, it had been so close, just a minute later and--- you shook your head mentally and tried your best to erase this memory from existence.

You decided not to abuse the kindness the captain was offering. After several indulging steps, you quietly confirmed he could release you. You found out that sensing his large frame by your side as if he was your bodyguard was nearly as comforting. Nearly.

You didn’t have the strength admonish yourself for basking the light of his protective persona. Future agent of not, you still had the right to want to feel secure at times.

After all, you were only human.

A Handful of Truths

You didn’t realize you were shaking until a blanket was tossed over your shoulders.

You were sitting on a short couch in what looked like a cosy office, hair still damp, body finally registering the ache caused by previous events, just like your brain was slowly taking in what had happened.

Captain Rogers, whose courtesy was to escort you from the hellhole you had been attacked in, had clearly took it as a personal mission to take care of your injuries; it hadn’t dawned to you until you were seated and your mind helpfully supplied you with ‘This isn’t the infirmary’.

He pulled a swivel chair to sit face to face with you, a box of medical supplies left open on the coffee table at your side. You didn’t realize he had moved the chair or dug the box from god-knew-where until the items were simply there.

“How do you feel?” he inquired, attentive eyes scanning your hunched form. You instinctively curled onto yourself, snuggling further into the blanket. You knew you should come up with an answer, but your brain started to hurt with the effort to do so. “I guess that’s fair. Can you tell me what hurts the most?”

You quickly glanced at his openly kind face, his baby blues still watching for any reaction that would clue him. Your throat went dry at the compassion of display and you had to swallow before speaking – and think. What hurt the most…?

You didn’t know what possessed you to tell him what you did, but it came out before you could stop yourself.

“My pride,” you croaked, causing his eyebrows jump just like the corner of his lips.

“That’s probably fair too. Then again, I’d rather know about something I can fix.”

You felt your body relax a little at his informal tone – you might even say a jovial one, but you could still sense too much worry behind it to call it that. You attempted a tiny smile at least to show him that you were more or less fine – you weren’t – and brilliantly failed.

“Landed on my shoulder. Probably gonna have a bruise on my side from when… when they kicked me. Ribs and arms might be a bit tender for few days, ‘cause they were heavy as they--- they’re heavy,” you voice wavered as you saw the muscles on the captain’s forearms clench and his hands curled up in fists. You sheepishly looked up to his face. “I got lucky.”

His eyebrows rose again in a ‘figures’ manner as he leaned back to the chair.

“Nothing else apart from that, your cheek and your pride?”

“I’m a little cold, but you took care of that,” you admitted, taking a deep breath in as you tugged on the blanket pointedly.

Despite what you were saying, you didn’t feel okay, the tremble never quite leaving your body. It wasn’t hard to figure out why. You stared at your knight in shining armour, gathering courage to do what was needed. You tried your best to meet his gaze, feeling so small and embarrassingly weak in front of him.

“Could have been much worse if you haven’t showed up. Thank you.”

He pressed his lips together, shaking his head. He leaned in, his elbows on his knees.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t faster... I should have kept closer eye on Ulrich,” he muttered under his breath, making you wonder if you only imagined it. “Your pride shouldn’t be hurt. You held yourself against them just fine.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the honestly his voice held – and you were honestly grateful for the slight shift of attention. Oh. Had he forgotten how things had been when he had arrived?

You weren’t sure whether you should remind him. You definitely didn’t want to remind yourself, but before you could solve your little dilemma, he clarified.

“You haven’t started training the combat against multiple opponents yet. Let alone four opponents, all of them having both height and weight advantage. You couldn’t exactly go all Black Widow on them if no one showed you how.”

He accented his words with a reassuring smile and you almost believed him. The shivers finally eased, most likely thanks to the warm treatment you were being given in all senses of the word. The inner cold gradually melted and you were left in nothing but pleasant warmth.

Mentally, you patted your pride gently on its head; you couldn’t quite disagree with him. No matter how helpless you had felt earlier and how ashamed for it you were, the truth was you were still learning. You weren’t a finished agent yet.

You breathed in and out, avoiding the gaze that was still on you. It felt like a freaking brand with how intense it was. You couldn’t say you hated it necessarily, you only wished you at least didn’t look so pathetic. No make-up, probably red with a smudge on blood somewhere, perhaps with some bruising already forming, hair wet and messy. You absently ran your fingers through it in attempt to fix it a bit as if it could help.

What had you been talking about? Right… those assholes being cowards and coming at your four against one.

“I… I just fucking hate bullies,” you grumbled darkly, your hand immediately covering your mouth when you realized what you had said. Oh. Language. Still your superior you’re talking to, no matter how nice. “Sorry. Please, pretend you didn’t hear the f-word. I just hate bullies, period.”

“I might have sworn earlier too, so let’s call it even,” the captain offered, one corner of his lips raised. Oh. He had, hadn’t he? ‘Is it fucking over now?’ What did that even mean? “And so I heard.”

“What?” you yelped, your mind racing again in search for the meaning behind his words.

“I mean… I heard you. When you were defending Bucky, in the gym. I’m pretty sure your exact words were about a ‘pissing contest’.”

“Oh god,” you breathed out, your face no doubt set aflame. He had heard you; that was why he had said he should have kept a closer eye on Henry. Oh. Ohhhh.

Also, did he just say ‘pissing’?

“You weren’t wrong by the way. But… neither were them.”

You blinked in surprise. What? “About?”

You knew he didn’t mean the sleeping around with recruits, your gut was screaming that at you, because they wouldn’t, but still, you rather asked for clarification. If he didn’t mean that part, which one then?

“Ladies do fall over for Bucky,” he hummed with a lopsided smile, a playful twinkle in his eyes. It did something to your belly, a strange familiar shift that was very inappropriate, but hell, people needed to cut you some slack. He was impossible not to ogle and you didn’t have the energy to control your reaction after today’s events. “And I don’t really pull my punches when I’m training those two in particular.”

“Why?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself and think better of it.

His gaze bored into yours, burning with intensity and with a glint of something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“I don’t like bullies either.”

Did he lean in even more or were you so focused on his face it only seemed closer?

You weren’t able to look away. His blue eyes simply locked you in, not allowing you to escape. The strangest thing was that it wasn’t scary. It should be, he was— he was a freaking captain, your superior, a superior to a lot of people, which you were constantly forgetting ever since he had saved you from falling on your ass in the hallway and you had to remember that.

Before you could though, your racing mind packed up and let your body, your mouth to be precise, act without supervision.

“Not trying to impress the ladies then, huh?”

His tiny sheepish smile cut off the uprising panic in your chest when you realized how bold of you was to say that. He lowered his gaze, giving a subtle shrug. “Guess I wouldn’t want one falling for guy’s muscles and a show-off of dominance.”

“What for then? Honesty? Sincerity? Kind eyes? Strong moral compass?” you heard yourself prying, internally horrified how far you had come when saying that. Your face was drained of colour when it clicked. You were literally naming things you liked about him, absolutely shamelessly putting them in the open. Oh shit. Fix it, fix it, fix it! “…the sass?”

His eyes went wide and he burst out laughing so loud it startled you for a second, especially as he threw his head back with the outburst. Then you reluctantly joined him, covering your face with your hands in embarrassment.

“The sass!” he howled, unable to hold back another fit of laughter and when you peeked at him through between your fingers, you saw his palm resting against his chest as if it could help him stop laughing.

Just like that, blood rushed back into your cheeks.

“Oh god, I made it worse!” you cried out, wishing for the earth to swallow you, frantically looking around for the fastest escape route. “Oh my god, I have to switch schools now… excuse me-“

You hastily got up from your seat, but a quick hand snatched yours, pulling you back.

You stumbled, landing ungracefully right back in your place, this time without the blanket. Captain Rogers was watching you with the corners of his lips high, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Sorry for grabbing you like that. But no, please. Stay.”

Your throat closed off when you heard his soft plea, only traces of humour in it. Yeah, you bet he hadn’t met anyone with such big mouth for a while, so he thought it was better to keep the comic around.

“Captain Rogers, I-I- what I said, it was completely out of line-“ you stuttered, only to be interrupted.

“Were you making it up?” he questioned.

You gulped, your mind screaming at you to say yes to save you the humiliation. And yet, with the cerulean irises staring into your eyes, your mouth did the exact opposite.

“No.”

Dammit.

“Then why would you go?” he questioned softly. His hand still didn’t leave yours, only easing the grip into a kinder one. You felt like a brand was being burned into your skin. A pleasant one, so you didn’t retreat. Oh, you’d never. But what on Earth was he getting at? “We need someone honest like you. People who stand up for others, even if only to defend their honour. That is the kind of people who should be in this line of work. The good ones.”

You opened your mouth, no sound coming out as his speech shook you to your core, tickling your stomach pleasantly along with your pride. His words seemed to be coming from heart, genuine, which was not helping your blood pressure and suddenly wobbling limbs.

“Even when they have potty mouth and put their foot in it? ‘Cause I seem to excel in that.”

“Especially then,” he chuckled and you could tell there was no pinch of a lie in it.

Something was in the air, crackling deliciously, and you liked it. You wouldn’t be able to describe it properly, the feeling simply too unique, but it was tickling your fancy so weren’t about to complain.

“O-okay. Thank you, Captain,” you whispered, revelling in the sight of the gentle curve of his lips.

“You started with the compliments, Agent.”

And just like that, you wanted to run for your life again, drowning in embarrassment.

What were you even still doing here? Complimenting him? Enjoying his touch? Flirting with him?

Were you nuts?!

Him, a captain— no, the captain. And you, an agent--- hell, you were not even an agent yet!

The captain whose eyes flickered to not-an-agent’s lips for the shortest of moments, widening a fraction before returning to her eyes.

Oh, now you were definitely going nuts. You were hallucinating. You must have hit your head too. He wasn’t into you and you being into him was very stupid.

You should go.

…any moment now.

…just get off your ass for god’s sake-

“Can I ask you something?”

You blinked yourself back to reality, shushing the voice in your head, curious smile appearing on your lips involuntarily. The softness of his voice felt better than the blanket before and you wanted to cocoon yourself in it, postponing the leaving plans to never.

“Sure,” you replied, the smile remaining on your face despite your better judgement.

He lowered his eyes to your joined hands, his thumb running over the back of your hand in a feather-light touch. You heart positively stopped at the moment, your breath hitching. Holy shit, what was he doing?

“This, does it… do you hate it?” he whispered the question, not meeting your eyes as if he was too shy, which was… ridiculous. He had no reason to be shy.

It still felt like a shot through your heart – a nice one, though, it that was possible. The words combined with the way they were spoken, it stirred something in your belly, warming it up and you couldn’t deny it anymore.

You really wanted this man; whatever this was, it was getting beyond a silly crush. Also, for some reason, it seemed as if he was trying to tell you he was interested too, which you thought was pretty freaking crazy.

“Stay honest, please,” he pleaded when you didn’t answer right away.

Did you hate it? The chastest display of affection if you dared to call it that? Your mind raced, trying to figure out why on earth he would ask that. Because the only reason you had come up with so far was completely impossible.

“No,” you said simply, earning a brief glance up before he looked down again. His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Good. That’s good… and would you… I’m aware this is out of line and I—I want you to answer truthfully without fearing the consequences-…“

It was your turn to swallow loudly, because what? What did he want to ask that he considered it out of line? He was your superior – you could think of thousand ways of how you could get out of line, but him? And why should you fear the consequences?! Did he want you to help him to hide a body?

That’s not it and you know it. You know what he wants to ask, you rational side admonished you.

Oh please, shut up. Since when you switched sides?

“O-okay. What— what is it-- Steve?” you stuttered out, freezing when his name left your lips and his head snapped up, his hand giving yours a squeeze. Oh boy.

“Would you possibly say you like it?” he blurted out and your brain went to overdrive at the hope behind his expression.

Huh. He really just asked that. Oh shit. Oh wow. Your jaw fell into your lap – only figuratively, you hoped –, your ears buzzing, your blood bursting in excitement.

Oh yeah, you understood why he mentioned the consequences. Either you could say no and you’d fear he might treat you differently or you could say yes and you’d ‘fear’ he might treat you differently.

The fire in your insides burned hotter at the idea of the latter.

His hand slowly left yours, giving you a simple choice you still couldn’t believe you were given.

Holy shit. What do you even say to something like that? Coming from someone like him? Your brain froze as you only managed to stare.

Did his— did the corners of his lips turn down? Was that sadness pooling in the sea of blue of his eyes?

Oh no, you don’t.

“Y-yes,” you admitted sheepishly, closing your eyes at the heaviness of your confession.

You could feel the weight on your shoulders as silence fell, only interrupted by your soft breathing that sounded ominously loud.

Your fingers twitched when his warm palm covered them again, your lips parting in surprise. You kept your eyes closed, indulging the strange moment. His free hand caressed your other as well, the gentlest of touches, tender, contrasting with rough callouses on his fingers.

“I like it too.”

At that, you gathered enough courage to look at him, only to see him inspecting your face closely, observing your reactions. It shocked you that it wasn’t uncomfortable as you would expect; must have been the kindness and wonder in his gaze. You forced your lips to curl up in a tiniest smile. Steve smiled back with same hesitance, his face lighting up.

He looked like a boy next door (making it to a modelling agency), shining eyes and happy grin forming on his lips. He was more gorgeous than ever.

Still keeping your hands, he raised his right one, his knuckles brushing your unharmed cheek. The gesture was so tender it brought tears into your eyes, causing him quickly retreat.

“Sorry-“

You shook your head with a self-deprecating chuckle, squeezing his fingers before he could let go of you completely.

“It’s not you—I mean… it is you,” you babbled nonsensically, taking a breath to gather your thoughts. “It’s just— that was really sweet. No, that’s not-“ Not the right word. “It was beautiful. I swear I never felt so…” loved “-cared for in my life.”

He frowned, a shadow of pain running over his face. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I know that today was… unpleasant.”

Seeing his reluctance and discomfort, you went for the first thing that came up to your mind. You straightened up and pressed a light kiss on his cheek, withdrawing much slowly because once you were in his orbit, it was hard to leave.

His breath hitched, his eyes glued to you intently, flickering to your lips again.

“You didn’t upset me, Steve. That’s the last thing you could do with that,” you assured him, face still inches from his. His name rolled off your tongue easily this time, even though it still left your heart fluttering.

“And if I asked you to have dinner with me?”

Your stomach twisted in a pleasant knot at that suggestion, your lizard brain already thinking about having a dessert for a second; and you weren’t thinking cake or ice-cream.

Yeah, barely. This was a guy ready to treat you right, you were sure of it. He certainly wasn’t about to kiss you now, not afar what happened today, he might go for it after the dinner and that was only if you got lucky enough. You swallowed the disappointment at the idea, quickly shaking it off.

Make up your goddamn mind, woman. You should be glad that men who weren’t thinking with their lower brain still existed and one of those was clearly interested in you, which… yeah, what the hell, that might take a while getting used to. Add the fact that he was being incredibly considerate of how you might feel after being assaulted and you had a winner of your heart. You realized you were actually happy he wouldn’t try anything even nearly ‘funny’.

You were fine with hand-holding and brushes of his fingers on your face, which honestly, the tenderness behind that gesture made you toes curl. You didn’t care much if that made you a freaking sap.

“Still not upset,” you gave an answer at last, deciding he probably liked when you were a bit cheeky.

He offered a closed lipped smile in response, confirming your theory.

“Does that count like a yes?”

You shrugged, the corners of your lips twitching. You had no idea when the change had happened, but all you wanted now was to giggle. And maybe snuggle, but you weren’t about to say that out loud.

“You tell me.”

He licked his lips and shook his head as he retreated. Before you could protest – or have a heart attack, because the motion of his tongue attracted your gaze like a magnet, setting your core on fire –, he sat beside you, leaving enough space in case you didn’t like it.

You liked it, subtly moving an inch closer to his side. Damn, he radiated warmth. Maybe just a bit closer…?

“Cheeky dame, aren’t you?” Steve more stated than asked, reaching for the blanket pooled around you to cover you again.

You didn’t realize you had goosebumps before his hands gently tugged you in, careful not to touch you where you could consider it inappropriate.

Yeah, forget about any funny business any time soon.

You huffed. “Clearly. It did get me into trouble before.”

His eyes darkened a bit, his face noticeably falling.

No, nope, bad move, miss not-an-agent.

“I should walk you back to your dorm,” he remarked, already rising to his feet.

You first reaction was to say no, because you weren’t ready to say goodbye yet. Your second was to say no also, because Shauna probably still had her hot date.

Instead, your hand shot up to catch his, effectively stopping him. He froze before returning to his seat, tiny question mark in a place of his face right next to his soft smile.

You cleared your throat, deciding to give him the latter reason.

“Uhm… my roommate has a date. If I go there, I’ll probably find a sock on the doorknob,” you admitted, biting your lip when he raised an eyebrow and relaxed to the cushions.

“People still do that?”

You chuckled, the fact that not only he was a captain, but also Captain America, which meant he was about hundred years old, hitting you like a train.

“Yeah, people still do that,” you assured him, amused.

He pouted, which you found unfairly adorable and… kissable. Nope, later.

“Sure, make fun of the old man…” he uttered, but a spark of laughter lighted up in his irises, so you assessed he wasn’t too offended. He was most likely used to the teasing.

As an idea of interpreting his words differently popped in your mind, you grinned.

“Is that a permission to make fun of Sergeant Barnes?” you pried playfully, sending Steve into another surprised fit of laughter, not unlike when you had complimented his sass. Your heart swelled at the joyful picture of him and the prospect of seeing more of it in future.

Due to his laughter, you didn’t hear he knock on the door if there was any n the first place. The door simply swung open, revealing the other supersoldier. Speak of the Devil…

Seeing his friend, Steve burst out laughing once more. Sergeant Barnes closed the door with a puzzled look.

You just shrugged in response, opening your mouth without a sound coming out and he took in the scene in front of him again, a smirk appearing on his lips. Under that gaze, you felt your face heat up. You could only imagine how that looked like, Steve cosily close to you, laughing, your hand right next to his thigh as his outburst had sent it sliding from his hand.

The smirk on the supersoldier’s face only deepened when he noticed how flustered he had made you.

“Punk?” he questioned and Steve wheezed once more, raising a palm in the sergeant’s direction, turning to you first.

He offered you a hand to shake. Confused, you accepted as his eyes twinkling in mischief bored into yours.

“Deal,” he mouthed, sending your lips twitching, and only then he shifted his attention to his friend. “Buck?”

The supersoldier had his eyes narrowed, watching you suspiciously.

“I’m gonna regret sending you with her instead of doing it the other way around, aren’t I?” he stated, not actually asking as his gaze flickered between the two of you.

His expression pushed you over the edge and the giggle building up in your chest for the last few minutes finally broke free. You simply couldn’t contain it anymore despite having two superiors in the room. Steve gave you a warm smile as the sound left your lips, clearly not bothered by it.

You hoped you’d be forgiven by Sergeant Barnes as well. After all, you were just human.

“Yeah, Buck, I think you are.”

S.R. masterlist

Sorry for the cavities at the end. Or should I say ‘you’re welcome’? Whatever works for you :))

Thank you for reading!

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wondersofdreaming · 3 years

Text

Sex on Fire - 3

Co-written with @radaofrivia

Characters: AU Captain Syverson - Gynaecologist, dr. Syverson x female reader

Word count: 7.601

Warnings: NSFW! Overthinking. Talking to a dog. Flirting. Nervous energy. A little awkwardness. Smut. 69. Making love. Love. Fluff. The end.

Author’s note: This story was co-written with the lovely @radaofrivia - who wrote the beautiful smutty parts.

The dividers are made by @firefly-graphics

This story is dedicated to all the women who struggle with pain. It doesn’t matter where that pain is, but know that you are not alone.

Please go enjoy her stories here:

Rada’s Masterlist

I do not own any characters in this short story, except the reader who is a figment of my imagination.

MY MASTERLIST

Sex on Fire Masterlist

Feedback is appreciated.

“What have I gotten myself into?

You stood in front of the mirror, having changed into the fifth dress, but nothing you had tried on was good enough for a date with the hottest doctor in town. A loud groan left your lips, making your sister peek inside your room.

“Everything alright in here?” she asked, looking over the room. Clothes were spread everywhere, shoes thrown all over, and you pacing in front of the closet, desperately trying to find something fitting to wear. “Looks like a tornado went through.”

“I have nothing to wear! So please, either come help me or get out,” you snapped. You heard the angry tone in your voice and turned around to face your younger sister, who looked mildly annoyed at you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch.”

“Care to tell me what’s going on? I thought you were excited to go out with the dashing doctor?” She asked and went to sit on the only available space on the bed.

You picked up the five discarded pieces of clothing.

“This,” you held up the first dress, “is too short. He’ll think I’m a whore.”

“Then wear leggings underneath it. Do I need to remind you, sissy, that he has already seen you butt-naked?”

You glared at your sister, feeling she didn’t understand your situation that this date had to be perfect.

What if our attraction was a fluke?

“This,” you showed the second dress, “is too long. He’ll think I’m a prude.”

“Then cut it to the right length.”

What if he thinks I was an easy prey? I was. I practically begged him to fuck me. Fuck!

You were starting to sweat as you held up the third dress.

“This shows too much cleavage. He’ll think I’m trying to seduce the entire restaurant.”

“Wear a shirt under it.”

What if he isn’t taking me to a restaurant? What if we’re going to his place?

You kept rambling about the fourth and fifth dress, and your sister retorted with solutions to each of them.

“Sissy, your thoughts are so loud I think even he can hear them.”

You threw a dress in her face.

“You’re thinking of every possibility that this could go wrong, aren’t you?”

“No…” you mumbled, but a good death stare from your sister made you change your mind from lying, “Yes, I’m scared, Pat. What if he isn’t the man he made me believe he is? What if he’s a serial killer disguised as a vaginal doctor? What if he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing? What if I’m walking right into grandma’s house and get eaten by the big bad wolf?”

“Stop, stop, you’re making no sense whatsoever…”

“And what if he doesn’t like me? What if we don’t have any chemistry? What if… oh my god, what if he only wants me as a fuck-buddy?”

You were pacing around your room, walking through the clothes, kicking the shoes away from your wandering path. Your sister grabbed your wrist and pulled you down on the bed.

“You are overthinking,” she booped your nose, “You are a gorgeous human being, very pretty too, if I have to say so myself. If he was only going to have you as his fuck-buddy, then you either say yes, because God knows you need a good fuck, or you say no because you’re looking for something deeper. And he wouldn’t have asked you on a date if he wasn’t into you! Take a deep breath with me.”

You both inhaled and exhaled, again and again, until your heartbeat wasn’t about to gallop right out of your chest.

“Now that you’re nice and calm… eh, ish, let’s put on some music and get you ready for your date. I have the perfect dress for you to wear tonight, just promise not to spill wine on it.”

Lucas walked out of the steaming shower, wrapping a large fluffy towel around his hips. His dog, a German Shepherd, was lying on the carpeted bedroom floor by the door. Her brown eyes were staring at him intensely like she knew that he was going somewhere.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can, Aika. And I promise to bring your favourite treat from the restaurant,” he told the dog. Mention of the treat perked her ears up.

Sy chuckled as he started grooming his beard. Then a light went off in his mind.

Fuck, what if she doesn’t like dogs?

He looked apologetically at Aika, who was drooling on the carpet, already tasting the treat on her palate.

Lucas finished in the bathroom and went to his spacious walk-in closet.

“What should I wear, girl?” He asked as if Aika knew what was hot in fashion. She walked over to where he hung his trousers, sniffed a few before picking a grey pair down from the hanger. She then managed to trot over to him with a pair of brown leather shoes.

“Well, thanks, girl, these are perfect. So what do you think, a white shirt or a black shirt?” Sy held each piece up to Aika, and she barked happily at the white shirt, her tail wagging excitedly. The dashing doctor also chose a matching grey suit jacket. He looked himself over in the mirror.

“I really want this to work, Aika,” he mumbled to his dog, who cocked her head to the side. “I think she’s amazing, and I hope she likes dogs because if not, I would be really sad… to say goodbye to you.”

Aika growled at him, making Sy laugh out loud.

“Sorry girl, I’m just kidding, I’m kidding. You belong with me, forever and always,” he scratched her belly. “What do I do if I make an ass out of myself?”

Aika rolled around and let out a loud ‘woof’ as if she was saying that he should just be himself.

“Okay, I’ll do my best. But what if she’s not who I think she is? What do I do then?”

Aika let out a deep rumble from her chest. I’ll bite her sorry ass if she isn’t.

You walked down the pavement looking for the restaurant Sy had texted you the address of. Sy was standing out front, waiting for you, he looked so handsome in his grey suit, and now you felt you might have been under-dressed. His face lit up in a warm grin, and his eyebrows arched when he saw you moving towards him. You smiled shyly back.

As Sy leaned down to kiss her cheek, you were going for his lips, ending in an awkward angled greeting.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you whispered at the same time he said: “Sorry!”

You stood there, looking down on the pavement, red-faced and suddenly very shy, not knowing what to do next while he was staring at you, not being able to take his eyes off you.

Lucas chuckled and presented his arm.

“Shall we go in?”

He was smiling at you, trying his best not to make your encounter awkward. You took his arm and was led into the restaurant. You looked around at the warm and comfortable atmosphere of the room. Chinese lanterns were hanging down from the loft, casting a soft light over space. The wooden tables had an induction heating plate for the hotpot that could contain either one, two or four different soups. The couple were seated near the covered fishing pond that was placed in the middle of the restaurant, a glass wall surrounding the pond, so no one could fall and get wet. The koi fish were swimming around, showing off their orange, red, white, and black scales. It was a soothing and calming sight and helped you relax in the presence of the handsome doctor.

A waitress came to take your drink orders while you looked through the menu.

“Oh, I don’t know what goes well with anything here,” you said, suddenly feeling so out of place.

“May I suggest one of their beers? They’re really good,” Lucas smiled at you warmly as he gave his drink order. You ordered one of their light and refreshing beers.

You looked down at the menu again. Not knowing what to pick as everything sounded delicious.

“There’s so much food,” you commented with a giggle.

“Do you want to try one of their special menus? That way, you can try a little of everything,” Sy suggested.

“I’d like that.”

The waitress came back with their drinks, and Sy rambled away your order. He ordered the four soup hot pot, various meats, seafood, vegetables, and an enormous amount of different types of noodles.

“How did you come by this place?” You asked, taking a sip of beer.

“I was walking around the neighbourhood one day with my sisters, and one of them wanted dumplings, another some noodles, and the third wanted some soup. I searched for a restaurant that had all three things, and this place popped up. It has become my favourite restaurant in the entire city,” he was a vivid storyteller that doctor.

“You brought me to your favourite restaurant?”

“Well, yes. I know it’s not the most traditional place to have a first date, but the food is amazing,” a pink blush crept up his neck and reached his cheeks.

“I think it’s the perfect place for a first date. I like trying new things,” you assured him, watching as a boyish grin of pride spread on his lips. God, how you wanted to kiss those lips.

“I hope you mean that because here comes the food,” Sy nodded towards the three waiters walking with an extra table full of food and the pot filled with the four soups.

“Oh dear,” you watched as they set the plates full of meat around you. “Are we feeding an army?”

“Trust me, darling, this might not be enough when we first get started,” Sy smiled. He reached for his chopsticks, “Have you eaten with chopsticks before?”

You gasped, pretending to be offended.

“I will let you know, doctor, that I was trained by the best to eat with chopsticks,” you showed him your hold, “My sister loves to get Chinese takeout when none of us feels like cooking, and there’s a restaurant that makes the best potstickers and chow mein.”

“Maybe we can order from there one day,” Sy suggested, his voice soft and full of promises.

“I’d like that. So, how do we do this?” you asked.

Lucas told you about the four different soups. They ranked from not-so-spicy to hell’s gate spicy. He talked about all the different cuts of meat, how to just put the ingredients in the soup, advising that you put in the lotus root first as it took a long time to cook.

While the doctor was talking, you were watching him. Your sole focus was on the way his lips moved and his tongue darting out from time to time. That tongue, that godly tongue.

His voice was rich and deep, so smooth and velvety you wanted to hear him talk forever. He caught you ogling at him.

“Everything alright?” he asked, looking a bit confused.

“Yeah, I was just thinking how amazing you look out of your white coat,” you blurted, making Sy laugh and blush an even deeper shade of pink before turning red.

“Why thank you, but I think the real showstopper tonight is you. You look beautiful,” he complimented.

“You’re just saying that because I complimented you first,” you giggled like a teenage schoolgirl with a crush.

Sy shook his head as he reached for the pieces of meat he had put in the soups. He picked one out and moved the chopsticks closer to your mouth.

“Try this,” he recommended. You closed your mouth around the chopsticks, letting the meat fall on your tongue. The sweet umami flavour of the pork was melting in your mouth, and you let out a soft moan.

Lucas was watching your mouth closely. The mouth that had been sucking him off a few days earlier in his office. The pretty mouth that swallowed his seed. His pants were suddenly feeling very snug around his groin area. Fuck, not now!

Thankfully his horny thoughts were interrupted by your suggestion.

“My turn to feed you,” you dove into the spiciest soup and picked out a dumpling. Why does he look so good? Lord, what is he thinking? Why is he looking at me like that? Something on my face?

Your hand was shaking a bit as you leaned over to give the dumpling to Sy, and then you dropped it, watching in slow motion as gravity did its thing, making the dumpling land on Lucas’ crisp white shirt and then down to his lap it went.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed. You quickly stood with your napkin and went over to clean the mess you had made. Lucas had picked up the fallen dumpling, not even thinking about the stain the red soup had made. He was having sinful thoughts of you sitting on your knees trying to wash off the red colour with your napkin.

“I ruined your shirt,” you sighed as the stain became worse, and it started to spread the more you rubbed the fabric.

“You’ve made it a habit to ruin my clothes, sunshine,” Lucas chuckled, but his laughter died quickly as you dabbed the napkin on his thigh, moving closer to the hard-on he was willing to go soft, but too late.

Oh, ooooooh.

“Maybe I don’t like that they’re hiding what nature has so gracefully given you,” you smirk up at him, giving him a sultry look.

Lucas swallowed hard. You could see his throat tensing as his Adam's apple bopped up and down. He’s looking you straight in the eyes, trying his best to restrain himself from taking you right then and there.

“God, I love your boldness,” his voice was low, soft, almost velvety, as if he was trying to tell you with the tone of his voice alone how much he wanted you. The smoothness of his voice was sending shivers down your spine, and some part of your brain was signalling that now was the time for you to attack him, rip his clothes off, ride him right there in the chair, not even caring about the people around you.

“Is everything okay?” A waitress asked, interrupting the moment. You snapped out of your lust-filled haze and went back to your chair. Sy coughed, masking his even dirtier thoughts.

“Yes, everything is good. The food is amazing. Can we get two shots of baijiu?” he asked, suddenly in need of something strong to stay put during dinner.

The waitress came back with the shots. Lucas held up his glass.

“Cheers,” he said and downed the clear liquid in one go, but you took a small sip.

“Oh shit, it’s burning my throat,” you gasped, putting the shot down.

“Believe me, you’re going to need all of it until we’ve finished eating,” Sy hinted at something more.

You inhaled the shot, letting the fire spread throughout your chest all the way down to your thighs and throbbing core. Your brain was slowly getting fuzzier, giving you the courage to ask him what had been on your mind since he asked you on the date.

“What are we, doctor?” You blurted, not thinking about how loud you actually were. You continued as you watched confusion spread on his handsome face: “What are you looking for in a partner? Are we going to be a no-strings-attached kind of thing? Casual hookup?”

You stopped and took a deep breath, waiting for his answer. You watched his lips, trying to avoid his eyes. If he wanted a ‘friends with benefits’-relationship, you would be devastated.

“There’s nothing casual about you, buttercup,” Sy was surprised by what you had just told him. He couldn’t deny the connection there was between the two of you. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he felt it deep in his guts that there was something more, and he wanted to be more for you. “I want to get to know you. I want to explore the deep connection that we have and see where it leads us. What about you? What are you looking for?”

“I… I want that too. Because to me, this. What we have is too good to be just an emotionless thing,” you started, “I feel safe around you, Lucas. I don’t know why, but I do. Do I make any sense? Because I feel like I’m just sitting here rambling…”

Lucas grabbed your hands across the table, avoiding the soups. He caressed the soft skin over your knuckles. His protective instinct was on overload, he wanted to protect you, and his heart was racing from hearing you say that you felt safe around him.

“You make sense to me, bug.”

Your first date had been perfect, so were the following dates afterwards. Lucas Syverson was the perfect gentleman and taken it like a champ when you had asked to take things slow, especially with you not knowing if it was still going to hurt when having sex. You wanted to have your ‘problem’ solved before you took that all-intimate next step with Sy. You built a beautiful relationship and a strong friendship from your attraction.

Lucas had invited you out for lunch one day. He asked about how it was going with the new gynaecologist he had recommended, a woman, as he wasn’t keen on knowing another man touching you in such an intimate place. You told him that you had been referred to a physiotherapist and was going to see a specialist in vaginal diseases.

With time you hurt less and less, and it was with the support from your sister and Sy that you continued the different treatments the doctors gave you. You stretched out muscles in your abdominal area. You used soap that was for intimate use only. You even started using an anaesthetic gel to relax the nerves in your vagina by Sy’s recommendation. You had cursed him all the way to hell the first time you’d used it, even as far as telling him that it burnt worse than the alcohol shot he made you drink at the Hot Pot restaurant. You were walking like you’d ridden a horse all day long until the burning stopped after a few minutes, and Sy had kept his laughter to himself, not wanting to hurt your feelings, but when you had started giggling from looking at yourself in the mirror, he couldn’t stop the roaring laughter either.

Sy was very helpful when you were exercising. He had made the stretching into a game of some sort. You might not be having sex, but you could still tease each other, orally or with your hands, anything to build intimacy between the two of you. He was determined to make the process sexy and fun, not dull and boring.

You asked him to penetrate you a few times but had to tell him to pull out because the pain became too intense. Sy was extremely understanding, and he helped you through the crying afterwards, as you felt that you were never going to heal again. He loved that you were comfortable enough around him to tell him to stop, and you felt so safe with him.

It became your goal not only to have sex but to be penetrated without the pain. And you would get there eventually. For now, you would just bask in the afterglow of a good make-out session with Lucas on the sofa.

You had always felt that there was a part of you missing, a vital part, and now, with Lucas, you felt whole. You couldn’t go a day without at least texting him, saying you missed him, or when you were together, and he went to the bathroom, you missed him. When you had to go home the following day after a night of cuddling, you missed him the minute you walked out the door. Both of you felt like you were addicted to the other. It was almost becoming an obsession.

Life with a boyfriend like Sy was amazing, incredible, fantastic. He was everything you needed without having known it. And Lucas loved to have someone he could take care of, protect and maybe even love. Sy had never felt this way about anyone before. It was a fantastic feeling to have this wonderful woman he could call his girlfriend. His.

Not only were you an extraordinary human being: you also loved animals just as much as he did. If you were allowed animals in the apartment you lived in with your sister, you would have filled it already. Sy had let out a breath of relief when you’d told him. You and Aika had become cuddle buddies whenever you were visiting Lucas. The German Shepherd would completely ignore Sy and follow you around instead, and Lucas was only happy to share his girl with his other girl. The sense of having found you excited him, completed him and made him so happy.

There are two kinds of tired: one that needs a good night's sleep and one that needs so much more. Lucas fell into the second category. He was both physically and mentally exhausted from a long and hard day at work, and he also had to face the guilt for ruining your plans for a quiet dinner.

“Plans are made to be changed,” you told him when he called you to cancel your dinner plans and suggest grabbing something to eat and spend the evening at his place instead.

"And I really like the sound of staying in and just cuddling with you, big bear," you whispered in your phone so your colleagues wouldn’t hear you.

"Big bear?"

"Yes, you're massive, hairy and just like a big cuddly teddy bear," finishing the phrase you noticed that one of your colleagues, Rita, was looking at you, chuckling at your big bear comment. You cleared your throat and with all the seriousness you could muster you told Sy: “I can’t talk right now. Call me when you get here,” and quickly ended the call, turning to her, “he’s an activist for the conservation of big brown bears.”

“Yeah, right,” she laughed. “Have fun with your bear-man, girl, you don’t need to explain yourself.” She winked at you and went about her work.

To your dismay, Lucas didn’t follow your instructions and decided that would be the day he showed his face to your work coming into the library to pick you up. He walked into the place, standing tall, his long strides and posture showing a sense of confidence and ease. He was as handsome as always, in his dress jacket, white shirt and jeans. Upon entering the library, he took off his sunglasses revealing his cobalt blue stare that made people stop in their tracks and this time was no different.

“Oh my God!” You heard your colleague gasping next to you when she laid eyes upon him. A small grin formed on your face to her reaction. You watched your man getting closer, noticing that his face looked tired, something only you would notice. The moment your eyes met a warm, sweet smile spread on his gorgeous lips, lighting up his face.

“Do they accept new members in the bear conservation club?” She asked not too loud, but loud enough for Sy to hear, who was standing right in front of you now. You blushed from embarrassment and broke eye contact with him. His soft laughter brought your eyes back on him.

"Sadly all positions have been filled up," he countered looking directly at you with a lopsided grin. “Ready to go home, sunshine?” You nodded excited, picking up your things quickly and moving on Lucas’ side, looping your arm around his offered elbow.

“Have a good evening, Rita,” you said giddily, looking back at her as she was fanning herself trying to cool off to the sight of Sy’s behind.

"What would you like to eat for dinner?" Sy asked as he opened the car door.

"You," you whispered silently.

In the shower, the water came down warm and soothing, washing the weariness and bad energy of the day off of Lucas’ body. He took some time for himself to relax and find his balance again. But the thought of you sitting on the other side of the wall made him impatient. He needed to be close to you.

Aika whimpered at you, licking your fingers and begging for another treat. You were lying on Sy’s bed, flipping through channels, nibbling at the leftovers of your Chinese takeout, with a comfortable, fluffy pillow behind you, soft and crisp sheets underneath you and Aika laying across your lap, sharing the guilty pleasure of eating in bed with you.

“Shhh, girl! Do you want him to hear us?” You whispered at her, feeding her another bite of the delicious potstickers you had for dinner. She gulped the treat and then licked your hand in gratitude. “Eating in bed is the best, right Aika?” You told her in a colluding way, scratching your accomplice behind her ears. You knew that Sy didn’t approve of eating in bed nor sharing food with Aika, so you both were on the lookout for when he would finish his shower. You didn’t want him to find out the ‘magic tricks’ you had used to gain Aika’s trust so fast.

The moment you heard Sy turning off the water, you both jumped up, Aika taking her usual place at the foot end of the bed acting all cool, and you ran to hide the evidence in the kitchen and wash your hands from the grease. In a minute, you were back in bed pretending you were watching TV. Of course, you had no idea what was on.

“What are my girls doing?” The bathroom door opened, and Sy came out with a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. He leaned lazily on the door frame, smiling in all his wet, half-naked glory, making you choke on your own drool. Quickly, you gathered yourself trying to sound as convincing as possible.

“Nothing special, just sitting here and relaxing.”

Sy walked across the room heading for his dresser that was on your side. Your eyes followed every move he made, studying even the tiniest dent and bump his muscles formed. At the view of his butt, a very unladylike sound escaped your throat.

‘Everything ok, sweetheart?” Lucas asked absentmindedly while looking for his underwear.

“Mh-mm,” you nodded, turning your eyes to the TV. There was a short pause after you heard him close the drawer.

“Babe, is there something you want to tell me?” You craned up your head to meet his eyes. His face was serious. The only thing that kept you from worrying was a small twitch of a smile on his lips. Oh, his lips.

“Huh? Like what?” You asked puzzled.

“I don't know, maybe you want to confess something?” Your mind started racing, a hundred thoughts per second: you are so hot, take off that towel, take me now, how lucky can a girl be, you are perfect, I love you. What? Where did that come from?

“Uhh, no. I don’t think so,” you mumbled trying to hide the instant blushing on your face.

“Don’t you think that trust and openness are important, darling?” He leaned over you, his hand running over your jaw. So busted! But how?

“Of course!” You gulped, readying yourself for the revelation.

“Then can you tell me, why are there crumbs on the bed, bug?”

“What?” That was not what you were expecting.

“Aika?” Sy turned to the German shepherd. She whimpered, hiding her snout in her paws and quickly left the room.

“Traitor,” you muttered.

“I thought we had an agreement on this,” Sy spoke softly, putting on his underwear and sweatpants and headed to his side of the bed.

“I want her to like me,” you confessed in a small, guilty voice.

Lying down, Lucas let a deep sigh out, finally being able to relax and cuddle with his girlfriend. He pulled you closer letting you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Baby, you don’t need to buy her off. I’m sure that Aika loved you the first moment she met you… just like her owner.” Sy’s voice drifted off as he started zoning out, feeling so relaxed in your arms. Your breath caught in your throat, gazing at him like you saw the sun for the first time after an eternity of darkness. You wanted to say so many things but couldn’t find the words to bring out of your head. The only thing you could utter was:

“Wrap your arms around me,” you felt the need to be close to him, lost in him.

“How’s that?” He murmured with his eyes closed.

“Perfect.” He brought his face in your hair, inhaling deeply from your scent.

“Mmmmm, you smell amazing.” This felt so right to him, holding you and being held. He tightened his arms around you. Being in his embrace felt so soothing, calming and safe to you, that you let out a soft purring sound.

“Did you just purr?” He opened his eyes, a huge grin forming on his face.

“No….”

“I think you did.”

“Uh-oh,” you said lazily, burying your face into his neck.

“Alright. But in case you did, I find it really cute.’’ He let you know in his deep, soft and gentle voice.

“I might have…” Your admission made you both dissolve into laughter allowing you to release all the pent up energy. Once out of your laughing fit, you were both left gazing into each other’s eyes. It was you who made the first move, bringing your hand on his cheeks, your fingers idly playing with the curls in his beard before you kissed him, slowly at first, lips tracing lips, becoming deeper, bolder and more intense as your tongues danced in a passionate rhythm. The moan that escaped his mouth when you finished the kiss, gently biting and tagging his lower lip set you on fire.

Sy felt he was on cloud nine. His head was spinning with giddy happiness. The way your body was moulded to fit him like a puzzle piece. His heart was galloping, his mind was going crazy, his feelings were all over the place with joy and love, he felt loved, so loved. But the minute you moved to sit in his lap, grinding against him as if you were riding a horse, his mind was transported to another place, only thinking about how good the friction between you felt, he wanted so bad to make love to you, to make you feel as good as you were doing to him at the moment.

He was still lost in your kiss, basking in your touch with his eyes closed as you kissed your way from his neck to his ear whispering:

“Baby, I think I'm ready.”

He opened his eyes, blinking lazily. At first, he didn’t understand what you were talking about. He looked straight into your eyes, his eyebrows furrowed with question. You caressed his face softly, waiting for realisation to hit him. The smile on your face, the feeling in your eyes soon let him in on the meaning of your words. His heart had skipped a beat as he truly grasped your words. You saw the surprise register on his face, his breathing quickened, his lips parted ever so slightly, his hands stilling on the lower part of your back and a faint wrinkle showed between his eyebrows. And then immediately his short-lived surprise gave its place to happiness shining through his eyes, fueled with desire as the colour of his blue orbs turned to a dark navy ring around his full-blown pupils.

His arms wrapped around you and you felt him pulling you onto his chest. You could feel the urgency in his movements, there was raw emotion in the way his fingers curled around the fabric of your dress. He claimed your lips once again, kissing you deeply, absorbing every detail of the moment, your scent, the weight of your body against his, all the feelings that were washing over him, raising a wave of heat inside him.

The taste of him stripped you from all your thoughts, fears and senses. His kiss, hungry and intense, ignited a fire inside you. Your palms were flat on his chest, your fingers were trying to dig into his skin as if wanting to hold on for dear life before you let go of all inhibitions and get lost in him. His hands trailed down your neck, never releasing your mouth from the hot, wet kiss he had you captured. Your body reacted to his touch, sending shivers down your spine and making you moan. You brought your hands to his deep brown curls, carding your fingers through them, tugging at his roots, to feel a little bit of control as your sanity was in the balance of tipping over. The little pain that he experienced made him exude more lust, he loved how you took control, as he could unwind and let you loose.

With one strong arm around your waist, he gathered you up and moved you both to a sitting position, letting you sit astride his lap. His fingers dug into your hips and pulled you closer to him, pressing your core to his straining bulge. You couldn’t help but grind against him, letting your instinct take over. Your kissing grew more passionate, more urgent, muffled moans and gasps filling the room. Sy brought his hands on your breast, kneading the soft flesh over the light fabric of your sundress and realising that you had no bra on. A throaty noise escaped him as he broke the kiss, looking at you with blazing eyes.

“You had it planned all along, you little minx!” he growled, his thumbs tracing your perky nipples through the thin layer, weakening your core, making you lean your forehead against his for purchase. He could feel the warmth coming off your skin through the lite fabric, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to touch you, he wanted to see the delicate, subtle flesh of your breasts.

You could feel the feral animosity inside him, as you kept grinding your core to his groin. You had never seen him like this before. His hands were eager to touch more than just your dress. Before you could think about taking the dress off, it was ripped from your chest, the fierce action kicking the breath out of you. Buttons flew in every direction and landed on the soft carpeted floor.

“That was my favourite dress,” you said in a shuddering voice, watching him take in the image of your naked body like a starving beast.

“Payback time,” he snarled. He studied you, running a finger over your breastbone slowly down to your stomach, his eyes following the invisible trail his touch burnt on your skin. He left a wet kiss on your chest and licked his way to one of your nipples, taking it into his mouth, torturing it with his tongue and tugging it with his teeth making it even harder. Although his moves were slow, you could feel how aroused and ravenous he was, his breathing shallow and fast just like yours. You closed your eyes, burying your face in his hair, feeling him everywhere; his lips on your breasts, his fingers pressing into the flesh of your lower back, his erection stirring between your legs. His scent and taste defined your reality now.

Sliding your hand between your bodies and pressing firmly on his arousal made him growl like a wild animal against your skin. He looked up at you with lustful eyes ordering you to take off your clothes. The demand in his husky voice stole your breath for a second. He commanded and needed you at the same time. You stood up obediently, let the dress fall down to your ankles, slowly peeled off your panties down your legs and stepped out of them with small moves while watching him watching you.

You crawled back onto the bed languidly, wrapping your fingers at the waistband of his sweatpants, removing them slowly along with his black boxer briefs, revealing his throbbing manhood and his muscular thighs. He stared at your face through half-lidded eyes with desire, taking in how you ran your tongue over your lips at the sight of the glistening precum that oozed from the top of the head, showing your eagerness to taste him.

He pulled you against his body, holding you close, feeling the warmth of your body skin on skin, your breasts pressed into his chest and his erection straining against your body. His lips captured yours in a deep passionate kiss, owning your very existence.

“The things I wanna do to you, right now,” he moaned in your mouth, locking eyes with you.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want to make you come. Hard.”

“Mmm, how?” you purred, biting your lower lip to the suggestion. His eyes fell on your lips again and a small wicked grin appeared on his.

“Ride my face and I’ll show you,” his voice low and heavy with desire. His words sparked an adventurous excitement inside you, making your heart start racing. A bold smile appeared on your face taking up his challenge and the look of awe in the doctor’s eyes gave you the courage to move over, stride his beard, facing towards his body. His strong hands guided your knees on either side of his head and then trailed over your body, adoring every inch of it.

The beautiful close up of your dripping core mere inches from his eager mouth made him salivate, yearning for the taste of you. His tongue started tracing the inner of your thighs, writing small circles on the sensitive skin, lazily finding his way to your lips, licking, sucking, and making them beautifully wet. But his hands on your butt cheeks, kneading the round flesh with fervour showed you that he was impatient to dive into the main course immediately.

A warm, coiled tension started building up inside you, feeling your muscles quivering in anticipation. You couldn’t stop yourself from grinding on the soft bristles of his beard, the variation in textures making you weak. You leaned slightly forward, putting your hands on his stomach to hold on, the small change in angle intensifying the sensation and giving him more space to navigate. You couldn’t tell the difference between his lips or tongue. All you could feel was just a nice, sloppy warm mess. A loud gasp escaped you when you felt his tongue run over your opening, lapping your juices.

“You taste like honey,” he grunted into your core, the vibration of his bass hitting you hard. He didn’t wait for you to answer, he went on with his smooth, wet and warm stimulation. When he hit your clit, your whole body shuddered in his tight grip. The effect he had on you made his cock jump. You leaned lower, putting your mouth on him, your fingers wrapping around the base of his shaft. You felt his body jerk upon contact and he tried to drown a curse clenching his teeth, causing you to laugh around him. But you didn’t stop, taking him deeper, giving him the attention he needed.

For a moment, he let himself get lost in your ministrations, having your eager, soft tongue wrapped around him, eyes closed, moaning deep, feeling he was growing bigger and harder in your mouth. You took advantage of his openness and brought your hand over his sack, massaging it softly, accelerating the pace, your tongue twirling around his glands every time your lips were around his head.

“Fuck!”

His hips thrust up involuntarily, searching to go deeper into the wetness of your mouth. You felt like you had the upper hand, loving the power he granted you over him, the naughty side of you wanting to make this a race of who was going to come first. But you should have known better, Sy wouldn’t let you have this one. He pressed his tongue flat on your core, intensifying the sensation and then ran it over your opening and sliding it inside you. You couldn’t keep the needy moan from escaping, feeling his tongue teasing your moist entrance and penetrating you.

Your focus was lost and so was your balance. You leaned your forehead on his pelvis, concentrating on all the pleasure he was giving you, stroking him slowly with your hand.

"Don't stop,” you whimpered, feeling the warmth of your orgasm spreading all over you. He pulled you closer against his face and shoved his tongue deeper inside you, fucking you at a frantic pace while his beard set your clit on fire. Your legs started trembling, his firm grip not allowing you to move away from him, the light tremors of your orgasm building into an earthquake, making you shudder and scream.

“God, Luc! Your tongue is magical,” you gasped as you collapsed on the bed, panting with your eyes closed. You heard his deep chuckle and felt the bed shift as he moved over, lying next to you. His arm wrapped around your waist and he scattered small kisses on your shoulder and collarbone, his beard wet from your nectar left a cooling sensation on your skin. You turned to face him, bringing your hand on his jaw, guiding him into a deep kiss. His kisses were always a delicious treat but now that you tasted yourself on his lips and tongue, it made you feel amazing and aroused again.

Never breaking your kiss, Sy laid on top of you, his weight spreading your legs apart. You couldn’t stop your hands from tracing his taut body, relishing in the texture of his muscles. You could feel he was tense, his strength, his heat increasing as he was taking over you and you couldn’t get enough of it. You needed this. You wanted to watch his face as he came inside you, to have his sweat all over you and you couldn’t believe it was finally happening. And neither could he.

He fought to control his movements and the urge to claim you hard, pouring all his passion on you. He needed his mind to take over the primal, animal instinct he was feeling at that moment. He was too far gone by now, his whole body aflame. Your voice brought him back.

“Lucas,” you whispered more breath than voice.

“Say it again. Say my name,” he said in your ear, his voice a low groan.

“Lucas, do it.”

His expression was one of intense concentration, replaced by wide sensation, as he eased slowly inside you. His thrust was slow, gentle, allowing your body to get used to his size and open up for him. You took in a deep breath as your body prepared for that familiar feeling of pain to come and tensed up but his kisses, his bites, his touch, his fire engulfed you, making you relax and forget about everything. Without even being aware of it, your pelvises touched and there you were, one deep inside the other. The realization alone made you both gasp, staring at each other with awe.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sy murmured, the overwhelming feeling choking him.

You paused for a moment, running a mental check before nodding faintly and breathing: “More”.

Sy took a moment trying to catch his breath and allowing you to catch yours. Eventually, your bodies unwinded and your breaths almost synced. With slow, soft thrusts he started moving inside you, claiming your mouth at the same slow, languid pace. Your bodies now were the closest they could be. The intense feeling of your tightness made him moan against your lips.

“I can feel every muscle inside you moving,” he gasped, “and it feels fucking incredible.”

"I love the way you feel inside me," you said, your voice giving away a slight hint of breaking, feeling a lump in your throat. You just needed to say it, tell him before your heart burst.

"I love the way I feel inside you," he let out a low content groan, not picking up your emotional overload.

"I love that I can trust you," you went on, closing your eyes trying to contain your feelings, trying to find comfort in his motions, rocking back and forth inside you.

The tears in your voice were more evident, making Sy stop and look at you with worry on his face.

"Baby... Look at me."

You couldn't bring yourself to open your eyes, you didn't want to ruin this moment for both of you.

"It's OK, bug. I'm here for you. Open your eyes."

"I love how you are always here for me," you gasped an intense sob ripping through you. "I-I love... you."

His eyes travelled from your lips forming those three words to your eyes, gazing inside them, finding your soul and claiming it as his own. He saw you, really, truly saw you and loved what was there. He tenderly caressed your face with his fingertips, wiping away the trail of your tears. He placed a feathery kiss on your lips and whispered:

"I love you too."

#Henry Cavill #This man #I need a drink #Captain Syverson #Sex on Fire #Fanfiction #henrycavillfanfic #henrycavillsmut #radaofrivia #SMUT #co-written #Henry Cavill x female reader #Henry Cavill x reader #Henry x female reader #Henry x reader

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nyikondlovu · 3 years

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SOMEONE thought I wouldn’t give my opinion that no one asked for for Stargirl Summer School Chapter 6? You thought wrong

Okay so there is SO much to talk about in this episode ohmygod:

Opening scene with Isaac and Yolanda was so creepy and straight away said this isn’t a regular episode, it’s fucked up and you should be scared because holy fuck the intensity? The tension between Yolanda and Isaac? The way you can feel how completely snapped Isaac is? Even the title card was dark and the music bringing dread. I love how they didn’t forget about the weather thing because even the town is grey with no sunshine in sight.

Beth and her father…sigh where to begin? I both hate and enjoy the very complicated dynamic with Beth and her parents because it seems like her father is the more sensitive between her mother and father and so when he stops for 5 seconds he can see just how upset she is and reminds her he loves her. Artemis is angry and chooses Beth to be her target because Beth’s family is ‘perfect’ and she won’t listen to Beth when she says otherwise, showing how much pain she’s in and looking for a scapegoat. Like baby your own parents told you they’re criminals but NOPE! it’s gotta be someone’s fault. The ‘perfect Beth Chapel’ really piqued my interest because yeah…from an outsiders perspective Beth is perfect. She’s super nice no matter what life has thrown, really intelligent based off of her gpa, pretty (because, anjelica is gorgeous c’mon now) and she now has a group of friends who she SEEMS close to who don’t make fun of her or ask her about her criminal parents so of course she’s ‘perfect’. Beth is being shown to be the ‘everything is fine and I’m absolutely happy no issues don’t ask me because there’s nothing wrong’ and that might have come from just being invisible for the longest of times at school. No one can bully you if there’s nothing to really bully you on.

The Cindy Mike misdirect has me conflicted because yay! Mike isn’t being inhibited by a fucking demon but also really? all that build up for him to be bait? It’s a little disappointing I’m not gonna lie. But okay I guess?

THE FIGHT SEQUENCE?! I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS IN ENGLISH AND I CAN’T USE VERNACULAR ON HERE BUT OHMYGOD GOD IT ATE DOWN. THE TRANSITIONS?! THE TENSION?! THE WAY YOU COULD SEE HOW DIFFERENT THE TEAMS WORK?! Baby JSA has months of experience working together and it shows in how when one falters the other steps up. When Rick saved Beth from the arrows, she helped him get an advantage over Artemis with her parents mugshots. When Yolanda was getting tired dodging Isaacs attacks, Courtney stepped up and knocked him off balance. Baby ISA has no experience working as a team and it’s very obvious, everyone is on their own and if Cindy didn’t have Eclipso they would have lost because they didn’t work as a team. They were each isolated and didn’t keep an eye on one another and that’s where the JSA has them beat.

I don’t know what to say about Eclipso except STAY AWAY FROM BETH AND YOLANDA YOU UGLY UNEMPLOYED BITCH. BITCH. I SAID IT TWICE.

Now, Beth and Rick?! Those are my peoples. Rick protecting Beth, Beth helping Rick get the jump on Artemis. Beth calling Rick when she needed to talk. Beth checking if Rick is fine during his fight with Artemis. Beth scanning Rick for injuries. What can I say? If you can’t see that Hournite works great as a team, you’re lying to yourself.

I wanted Beth to throw a punch as much as the next person but look at it like this; Courtney has her staff and gymnastics training, Yolanda has her suit and boxing experience, Rick has his hourglass. Everyone was using their strongest advantage. Imagine her punching Artemis, based off of how basically indestructible she seems, Beth would be in trouble. If she punched Isaac, how can she get close enough to do that without him blasting her? Let’s not even talk about her going against Cindy. Everyone used their greatest assets to the team in a fight that high stakes and her using her goggles and quick thinking is her best asset at this point. Mike got a lucky shot with Cindy, he couldn’t go head to head with her AND THATS FINE. Do I hope we get Beth physically fighting someone? Definitely. Would I call her useless for being the only person who knows how to work the goggles and using THAT to her advantage? Hell no.

Overall, it was a really fun episode and I was thoroughly entertained throughout the 40+ minutes. I hope Beth and Yolanda murk Eclipso. Like get him for me girls.

#beth chapel #hournite #stargirl #beth chapel x rick tyler #rick tyler #beth x rick #dc stargirl #yolanda montez #courtney whitmore #artemis crock #isaac bowin #mike dugan #eclipso #IF ECLIPSO TOUCHES BETH OR YOLANDA IM GONNA FUCK HIM UP #ISTG

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jungwooismydaddy · 3 years

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Punishments

Paring - yuta x Taeyong x reader, slight jaehyun x reader, taeyong x yuta

Genre - jealous sex, angry sex, harsh degradation, knife play, spitting, hair pulling, mention of rope, safe word and bull whip.

Words - 1.7 k

Read the warning first and then decided whethere to read or not!!!

“I still have my exams I can’t come over there and the members-“ , “ Don’t worry about them just jaehyun is home you came here pleaseeee” Taeyong whined.

”please” another voice came it was none other then yuta sighing heavily you finally agreed. Yuta and Taeyong jumped around happily as finally they are meeting you, it’s not been a long time but for them it has been tho.

As you know there Japanese comeback happened so they were very much wrapped in that online fanmeets, music banks, interviews etc. They didn’t even had time to rest for like 4 weeks. After the rest of the members except Taeyong,yuta and jaehyun who completed there recordings and schedule and luck being on there side there manager agreed to give them some break and they had some time to meet you.

you were standing in front of there dorm door.Before you can even knock on the door, the door opened and they rushed to hug you you weren’t even standing on the ground as they lifted you and bear hugged you tightly knocking the air out of you,”Slow down guys”

You laughed as they showered you with kisses as you giggled at there clingy behaviour,”Let her even come in hyung” Jaehyun’s voice came from inside.

“Come in” you went in as the smell of delicious food filled your nostrils,”you wait here we will bring the food” yuta and Taeyong left for getting the food as you sat besides jaehyun who was engrossed in watching his movie,”Hi Jae”, Yo what’s up” you guys exchanged some conversations you guys were so engrossed in that that you didn’t even hear Taeyong calling you,”baby, the food is ready” Taeyong said sone what pissed,”okay coming”

The table was seated neatly set, the food it looked so delicious that you didn’t even wait to dig in, Taeyong and yuta stared at you with adorable eyes as they also jointed you after few mins. You finished your food as you almost chocked,”Whoa slow down babygirl” yuta said while passing a glass of water,”can’t help the food is just too delicious“

After finishing the food you went to sit back with jaehyun again, you wanted to help them but they told you no and shooed you away,”y/n” jaehyun called you you just hummed,”you really look good in that you know” you stared at him as a playful look was shown on his face answering all your questions,”oh really you do too jaehyun” you whispered his name in his ears as from the corner of you eyes you saw Taeyong and yuta Standing there.

Jaehyun knew how much protective they both were towards you, and knew how much jealous they can get especially with the flirty ones And jaehyun being a playful boy never leaves a chance to make them jelous by flirting with me knowing I woudl get punished for that but I still played along cause why not.

“ you just don’t look good, you look damm sexy in that”, " I know that Jae” you faces were just inches away, jaehyun licked his own lips while looking at yours,” enough!” You flinched are yuta’s harsh voice,”y/n in the room now don’t you dare say anything” with you wobbly legs you went inside his room.

They were talking about something when the front door shut loudly and yuta entered the room he sat on the chair near the bed, Yuta always punished You hard for this types of things, Taeyong too punished you but not as hard as yuta and I know he would. Taeyong entered with a loud bang as soon as your gaze landed on him your breath almost got caught in you throat, the way his eyes were piercing holes into your body, his hand veins were visible and uff how can we forget his intimidating stare, this made your panties damp. Yuta on the other hand wasn’t more intimidating but he looked like he could just have blowed from anger.

They both said nothing and you knew it wasn’t a good sign, you wanted to explain yourself but before you could even open your mouth, yuta walked up to slided his hands onto your delicate neck, chocked you hard and told,”behave for us if you won’t then you know what would happen right?” You nodded slowly.

Taeyong came up from behind, grabbed your hair harshly which made your head jerk back as he whispered you were confused but more scared that how more low his voice can go,”you know the safe word right” you eyes widened, you didn’t know how to answer them as if you had become numb or didn’t knew what to say. At what he whispered your eyes locked with yuta who still was mad angry but was still controlling himself

“It’s rose okay?” You nodded your head, Taeyong attacked you neck as yuta roughly roamed his hands on you clothed body as you could even process what was happening your dress went flying an to be thrown on ground, you looked at yuta with widened eyes you wanted to stop him from making you more wreaked as taeyong’s grip tightened on your hair while groaned loudly in you ears as you understood that and not wanting to get into more trouble.

Taeyong was still working on your neck, when you saw yuta coming up to you with a rope before you can even open your mouth to speak when you felt a cold metal on you back making your moments immediately stopped,”t-Taeyong please n-“ a hash spank was landed on you ass making you gasp loudly.

Yuta slowly slided his hands on you neck looked deeply into your eyes and told more like warned,”say one more word and I will show those gag balls deep down you throat”. Yuta quickly tied the red ropes that he brought onto your body.

at this point you were to weak to even protest about anything and if you did you knew it wont end up good for you.

As I felt the tip of the sharp knife I hissed but I wouldn’t say I didn’t like that, “ O.U.R.S” he craved that on my ass and spanked it lightly as tears started flow dome your rosy cheeks,”aww baby don’t cry right now we haven’t even started and you are crying no baby” yuta said while whipping my tears,”The whole night is left baby” Taeyong ended the sentence.

Taeyong made you lay on the bed as yuta told Taeyong,”baby you start to strip till I teach her a lesson” As soon as he said that yuta looked at you with his so-famous smirk already making you more wet, maintaining our gazes he grabbed something from under the bed and he stepped forward.my gaze landed on the bull whip , making you flinch but you didn’t squirm away as you were again too weak for that.

“count how many times I do it if you stop I will start over again,okay”,“yes master”. First smack was landed on my bare thigh making you scream on top of your lungs.

Another smack was landed on you as real tears streamed down your face, you couldn’t keep it up with this as you heard a loud smack which made you flinch but it didn’t land on you , a bruised line formed on taeyong’s chest,“that’s enough you dumb bitch” yuta chuckled at that and pulled Taeyong close to him,”Don’t talk to me like that and watch your words, baby”

Taeyong laughed at what he said and smashed his lips on him, your rubbed your thighs while seeing the view infront of you, your inner thighs were burning but rubbing your thighs while looking at them uff made you more drip more.

Taeyong and yuta separated from eachother and landed there gaze on your teary face, they would have felt bad that she is crying this much but this time hey didn’t ofc they couldn’t at what she did she needs to be taught a lesson and she is gonna get as this devils aren’t going to go soft on there angel not this time.

Yuta tapped your mouth as said,”you will take me like a good girl right” I nodded my head as yuta entered my mouth making me gag as Taeyong instructed,”ass up” you did as you felt his warm tongue running through your dripping clit, he wasn’t slowing an mercy nor was yuta showing any mercy as yuta picked up and wrapped your legs around his waist, taeong whined as he did they to taste you delicious pussy,” gonna fill you up good” yuta said and entered you in one go as you gasped at that heavenly feeling.

You felt something cold running down your ass as Taeyong slowly entered your ass, they feeling of getting filled up by them was a big turn on for you, you moaning like whore for them as they teach you whom you belonged too was a huge turn on for them.

“Open your mouth slut” you did as yuta told you as he spitted in your mouth, you would have thrown hands right now at him but at this time you felt is so overwhelming you were just crying and moaning, yuta was thrusting into you at full pace as taeyong’s thrust were lazy but that didn’t last long as he matched his pace with yuta, you were screaming at this point and you knew the neighbours would be so mad at you for this but all the thing that mattered were yuta and Taeyong fucking the life out of you.

Taeyong was the first one to paint you walls white , followed by yuta and then your hard shaking orgasm.

Yuta and Taeyong holded you so you couldn’t fall, they helped to ride you your orgasm as pulled out of you, Taeyong went to the bathroom to throw your dirty clothes into the laundry as yuta cuddled you, you were just close to fall asleep when you heard light sniffs you turned and saw yuta crying making you panicked,”y-yuta-“,”please never leave us I love and will try not to be more jealous please don’t leave us” you holded him and that’s when Taeyong came in and told,”cuddling without me” he pouted as you opened your arms as Taeyong jumped into that, you chuckled at how much you love this boys.

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elysianslove · 3 years

Note

hihi, can I request smth! Idk of this comply to your request rules cause I can't find it in your blog (sorry!!) The request is hc with Atsumu, Kuroo and Iwaizumi with an s/o that is considered a bitch by people. Like they don't let anyone walk all over them, people are scared of them but admire them esp in terms of academics but they're actually v loving and a big clumsy mess.

hii!! yeah i don’t really have a set of rules for requesting mainly cause i couldn’t think of any haha, but your request is more than okay! i’ve been obsessing nonstop over atsumu especially recently, and today wasn’t the best of days for me, so this was nice to write heh. thank you for requesting it. i hope you enjoy <3

miya atsumu

atsumu is obsessed w you

seriously, he is just enamored by you. the way you hold your ground and always stand up for yourself, never letting anyone saying anything about you pass by you, your presence so intimidating. he loves it so much. he’s especially fond of the way you’re not even a bitch, you’re just confident in who you are, and everything you’re good at.

he observes from afar at first, the way people shrink in comparison to you regardless of your height. your aura just seems so. powerful? he really wants to approach you, and because this is miya atsumu, the first thought that crosses his mind is this person needs to be mine <3 no he will not take criticism.

so he does. approaches you, introduces himself in a way like you’re already meant to know who he is and he’s just doing you a favor. his heart breaks into tiny little pieces when you just go, “sorry, but no.”

like literally just that you don’t go in detail or anything. you just reject him so plain and simple it’s actually worse than a full fledged out angry rejection. osamu’s so impressed he ready to have you added to his future will.

he grows on you, though, over time. atsumu’s so quitter, and your rejection had only spurred him on. he would’ve backed off, because is a consent king, as they all are and should be, but you’re always so prepared with a quip back at him and you never actually push him away. it’s like a flirty game of tug of war between you two. eventually, he asks you out again, and just for old time’s sake, you jokingly say no lmao. all blood drains from his face that you actually kinda feel bad.

generally, he’s very proud to have you as his s/o. he himself has dealt with people constantly being put off by him and his attitude, so to see you deal with it so well is kind of? encouraging? uplifting? yk?

he also likes how people are both scared of you and admire you. like. he relates to them! you’re incredible!

he’s always snickering when he sees a student approach you literally trembling like a leaf and asks for your help in something academics related. you always say yes, which is something that just. pinches at his heart. the student is also always so surprised at the fact that you’re willing to help. god. atsumu will never have enough of their reactions to you.

when you grow more comfortable with each other, and he discovers what you’re truly like, the person you really are beneath, atsumu just straight up falls in love. he didn’t think you could be any more perfect for him, honestly.

he’s loves the way people are so intimidated by you but he knows that just a few minutes ago you were doodling little hearts in his notebook.

a part of him wants so many more people to be aware that sometimes you can trip over air, and that you’re not as elegant and stoic as everyone thinks you are, but then he’s reminded of the fact that only he knows you’re truly like this, and he shakes that part of him off. atsumu genuinely adores knowing this additional, secret part of you. he doesn’t think you’re fake at all for having what’s seemingly a facade. he just thinks not enough people know what you’re truly like, and that you’re a gem, truly.

he’s also like weirdly obsessed with the two of you as a couple? he knows people are intimidated by him, and it’s so painfully obvious people are intimidated by you. he just. eats that shit up.

he’d also be really supportive if it ever gets to you. super ready to fight anyone. he’ll always tell you “these fake bitches don’t matter babe we the only real ones 😼💯” god havejkdkd

anyways i been fantasizing about having miya atsumu as my bf somebody help im going insane

kuroo tetsurō

kuroo knows of you. everybody does. you’re like, exceptionally good at being one of the most talked about people and also being the most mysterious person in school. the duality has him heart eyes for you.

what probably catches his attention is the way people talk about you, in general, but specifically regarding academics. he overhears a group of people like whispering to each other about you while you’re just standing there minding your own business. they’re just encouraging one of them to approach you and kuroo’s like hm ! let me butt in bc why not !

as a joke, he slides up next to you and points at the group of students and whispers, “they’re talking about you.”

this obviously ticks you off and without looking back you stomp over to the students and just go, “if you have something to say about me say it to my face!” and kuroo’s just watching like ,,, damn that’s hot. the students are so confused and ten times more scared than they first were and one of them just squeaks out that they only wanted to ask for help and you just , “oh. okay! :D.” kuroo’s just ,,, he’s losing his damn mind.

he finds you really interesting, honestly, the way you’re just so strong? like mentally especially. you’re really mature, and you have a strong sense of self. he admires that about you, and continues to love that even when you start dating.

he does ask you out, and he’s a little surprised you said yes, he’s not gonna lie. but you did, from the first time, and he just took you out to a simple picnic date. it was very cute, and the whole time he made you laugh and you were a completely different person than what he had first seen and expected.

he really likes the fact that you’re really confident in yourself in that you won’t let anyone step on you or walk all over you. like he just loves watching you hand someone’s ass to them because they decided they wanted to make a smart comment about you. seriously, he’s insanely in love with it.

he realizes pretty quick that the only reason people are so thrown off by you or are scared to approach you is because no one really gives you a chance to be yourself? like they’re always expecting the worst from you, having heard all these terrible things about you that half aren’t even true, that they don’t even bother trying to get to know you. and that fact really bothers him a lot, he’s not gonna lie, because he believes you’re the best person he’s ever had the pleasure of meeting.

he really loves that you don’t let it bother you though. he’s impressed with how it doesn’t matter if some friends turn out fake, because, in your words, “good riddance.”

the two of you kind of feed off each other’s energies? like he’s super confident in himself, and so are you, so you two only benefit each other in your presences.

to put it simply, kuroo is incredibly impressed with who you are as a person, and it warms his heart so much how you’re so incredible of a person in so many ways, in that you neither let anything pass you by, and in that you’re the cutest, kindest soul he knows.

iwaizumi hajime

brat tamer #1 <3

i think iwa genuinely doesn’t care. not about you! about the things people say. like he hears so many rumors about you and he’s like .... ok. oikawa’s always feeding them to him but he’s just? not bothered by it? doesn’t care? it’s irrelevant information for him anyways?

but then.

he walks past a scene where he sees you just destroying this poor kid. you’re verbally destroying him. the kid’s buried six feet under at this point. you’re not even yelling, but the guy’s shrinking under your gaze and your words and iwazumi’s so mesmerized by the way you do it so flawlessly. you don’t stutter because you’re so sure of your words and so confident in your stance. iwazumi. hums in approval. like. hm. good for them. as they should.

after that he starts paying more attention to anything he hears about you, because he wants to know more. he doesn’t know why. he just does. and then he hears all these different things like “they’re so good at everything they do they can’t be real” and “i would never speak to them if they were the last person on earth” like ? he’s so confused WHICH IS IT

so, because iwaizumi’s a pretty straightforward person, he approaches you.

do not confuse this though, because iwa is a blushing and flustered mess as he asks you to hang out. he’s never done this before, and this is not his style, but he’s just so interested in who you are as a person he was doing it before he realized it happened.

the way you react is so? sweet?

it’s so different than that day he saw you murdering that guy for talking smack, you seem so light and loving he actually feels his heart beat a little too fast in his chest.

as his s/o, iwaizumi likes that he can trust you with yourself. like a part of him will always have that protective side to him, because that’s just the person iwa is, and he’ll always feel the need to step up and speak for you. but another part of him is really amazed by the way you can and are so able of speaking up for yourself. he feels really proud at the lack of insecurity.

he also feels really smug about being with you. because he knows people are intimidated by him, and especially by you, but now that you’re together, he feels untouchable, and he knows you are too. he likes that feeling of power a little too much.

if you ever step out of line at some point, iwaizumi will definitely let you know. he’ll point it out, and if you resist, he knows how to get you down off the pedestal. he’s had brat taming training for years lmao

but he doesn’t think you’re a brat, not at all. in fact, he thinks you’re the sweetest person ever. he loves the versatility of your personality and attitude, in that you’re not just black and white and there’s so much more to you, there’s always grey in between. he likes that you’re endlessly dimensional and that he’s always learning something new about you.

he especially loves the side of you that’s so soft spoken. it’s so endearing to him how you’re one moment so angry you could murder someone in cold blood but then all of a sudden you’re pinching his cheeks and kissing the tip of his nose telling him how cute he is.

yeah iwa really loves you hehe <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi headcanons #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu headcanons #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons

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redorich · 3 years

Text

It stays in the pit

TW: sparring, weapons, cuts, fighting, hallucinations, minor mention of blood, angst

Hey it’s Split again! Follow me maybe? @split-em I have a lot more oneshots like these coming!

I like attention so maybe drop a like if you enjoy this! It’s about Hermit!Tommy sparring False,, but with a twist!!

This actually has so many words my fingers hurt aaaaaaaaa

Hey uh idk how to do a read more,, maybe if you want you can do that again pleasey? Also I love your hermit Tommy stuff keep up the great work!

(redorich here, thank you for the food lol)

‘It stays in the pit.’

Simple words that mean oh, so much.

When you’re reminded of the horrible memories that come with those words WHILE fighting, they mean so much more.

The newest build on hermitcraft is an underground, boxing ring style pit. There are stairs leading into a giant room below ground level with audience benches, a storage room with every different kind of weapon and armour, and a boxing ring in the middle.

When False offered to spar Tommy, she suggested they could do it in the new build that had not yet had its first official match. What made it even better, was that this would be Tommy’s first actual match against False since he first came to the server. She has been training him for months, improving his fighting techniques and strategies. You could say he went under her wing, and now he was ready to spread his own. This was a ‘student duels master’ fight, and the hermits wanted to witness it. They wanted to see how much Tommy had improved.

Though they over exaggerated juuuust slightly, because that sparring suggestion turned into a three (3) round mini tournament, and every single hermit wanted to watch.

Annoyingly bright lights shine down on the otherwise dark, amazingly massive room. The adrenaline in the air is intoxicating; downright addicting. Voices yell loudly, people scream and shout while waving, cameras are out, and Iskall is taking bets by the entrance.

Tommy and False stand across from each other, a confident smirk on each of their faces. The handle of an iron sword is gripped tightly in their hands, and the hermits watching are on the edge of their seats already. Tension mixed with excitement crashes down in waves. It chokes Tommy, but also sends his blood pressure through the roof. He feels like his head is underwater, but he’s walking on clouds. Never in his life has he been so excited yet so scared.

But god, does he want to win.

He exhaled, practically bouncing back and fourth as he waited for the countdown. False’s stare made him break into a cold sweat, but he composed himself. ‘This wouldn’t have been such a big deal if we were alone,’ he thought ‘but this is way more exciting than just fighting on the ground.’

That’s when he heard it.

Tommy looked up. The mayor, Scar, sat higher than any hermit in a chair on a ledge like you’d find in those old time-y theatres. His smile was proud, and he arched with peaked interest. “Holy shit,” Tommy breathed out, glancing back to his opponent “the mayor..”

B-Dub’s voice could be heard shouting with glee. He clearly was just as pumped as the rest of the audience, and you could head the smile in his voice as he counted down through a megaphone.

“Remember, no hard feelings. This is for fun!”

The fighter’s eyes met. False gave him a nod, Tommy looked down at his sword.

“WE ALL GOOD?!”

Tommy was shaking, out of fear or adrenaline he couldn’t tell.

“READY!”

False took in the younger boy, all she could think of was how proud of him she was. Look how far he had came. He went from this quiet and kept to himself boy, to an amazing friend that was full of energy.

“STEADY!”

Impulse looked quite concerned. He didn’t think it would become this big of deal, the sparring offer. But here he sat, chewing on his nails, waiting for what would happen. The rate the energy here made his heart rate increase was higher than any amount of sports drink or red bull could ever manage.

“SET!”

Tommy laughed. He needed to release everything. So he laughed, and felt all his stress melt away. Right now, fight. Right now, focus. Fight like she taught you.

“GO!”

Instantly, the teenager made the first move. No hesitation and certainly no mercy was shown as he swung his sword quick as lightning. It collided with the wood of False’s shield and he was thrown back slightly. False used this to her advantage and advanced on him, slicing horizontally with a small shake of her head.

“FALSE!! GO FALSE!!”

“TOMMY, DODGE!”

Tommy ducked, barely missing the sharp blade, and decided to fake. He stepped forward, jerking the sword forward and waited for False’s shield to come down from it’s position in front of her face before the cold metal cut her shoulder. His next swing was parried, and False managed to make him stumble to the ground as their blades touched and they both pushed with all their might. Cheers rang out, but both fighters knew it wasn’t over.

“WHAT THE-“

“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING!”

“COME ON KID, LETS GO!”

He saw her raise her sword in the corner of his eye, and in an instant he rolled to the left. Successfully dodging the attack, Tommy quickly put an arrow in a crossbow and hit her..in the wrong arm. “Shit” he hissed. What would Technoblade think of that stupid mistake? False used the pause to take him by surprise and use her other arm to slash him in the thigh with her newly equipped iron axe.

“GET UP, GET UP!”

“COME ON DUDE, GET UP”

He couldn’t. He couldn’t stand. The boy raised one hand, and False stepped away with a smile. If this was anyone else, Tommy would’ve gotten angry. He would’ve cursed them out or spat on their shoe. But this was False, and he knew that smile was one of genuine happiness.

“THE WINNER OF ROUND ONE (1) IS FALSE!”

Screeches and ‘awws’ were muffled in Tommy’s ears by the sound of his heart. He panted, before a dopey grin found it’s way to his face. False helped the other stand, and Cleo was quick to administer healing potions to both of them. “Never let your guard down.” False advised. He could tell she wasn’t mad, but rather in the mood for a quick lesson.

Once the hermit’s noise had died down and the fighters were back in their corners, all healed to full health and full saturation, round two (2) began.

“READY!”

“I’m gonna beat ya, bitch” he swore in his now usual Tommy fashion. False shook her head and couldn’t bite back the chuckle that escaped her

“STEADY!”

“Stop swearing. And, in your dreams.”

“SET!”

“Lets turn this up then, yeah?”

“GO!”

It was different now, they both turned up the heat. They couldn’t help it, it was so much fun to spar and the hermits’ energy only made them feel better and more excited.

Tommy was first again, sprinting towards the older then jumping high with arms gripping an axe above his head. False held her shield up and ran, blocking his attack.

“OH MY GOD!”

“THIS IS NOTHING LIKE LAST TIME”

He slid back with a smirk and their blades collided again. False started running. Tommy loaded a crossbow and advanced, quickly dashing behind her and shooting her back. False hit the ground hard, but held up as she kicked forward and got back on her feet.

“YES! GO FALSE!”

“COME ON TOMMY, DONT TAKE THAT”

“TAKE HER DOWN!”

They ran together, Tommy swung, she dodged, she swung, he jumped out of the way. False blocked an incoming sword swing, but was shocked when she was jerked forward after a fish hook implanted itself in her shirt.

“WHAT??”

“WAIT WHAT”

He cried out, laughing the loudest he had in a long time, as he pulled False towards him with a fishing rod. He pinned her to the ground with his sword pointed to her neck. His grin spanned ear to ear.

“TOMMY!!! WOO LETS GOO!”

“THAT WAS AMAZING HOLY SHIT”

An uproar was heard, people were standing up and others stared in amazement. They totally forgot that was allowed, it seemed. False didn’t really think to use the fishing rod, she didn’t think Tommy would bother to either. But, Etho insisted on it anyway just in case. Same with the crossbow.

False raised a hand, accepting defeat. Tommy helped her up this time, his sweaty palm and bony fingers holding her hand that had knuckles white from her death grip on her sword. Impulse helped Cleo to pass them towels. The break started, and the two returned to their corners once again.

“TOMMY WINS ROUND 2 (2)!”

Tommy popped the cap off his water bottle and chugged it, gasping for breath. He had no idea how tired he was until now. His bones ached and his body screamed to stop, but he payed it no mind once again. He used the towel to wipe the sweat from his forehead. Cleo rubbed a healing potion onto his wounds. “You’re doing amazing, that fishing rod trick was awesome.”

“Thanks, Dream taught me it after I saw him use it in a manhunt.”

He stood back up, babbling on about how ‘all the women are going to be cheering me on when I win.’ False rolled her eyes “focus, Tommy. Women can wait.”

“WOMEN ARE IMPORTANT. I WOULD KNOW, IM A LESBIAN. WAIT, NO-“

“FINAL ROUND!!! THIS IS THE FINAL ROUND!”

Grian and Mumbo sat next to one another, the smaller of the two standing up with his hands on the rail in front of him as he cheered. He wanted to cheer for both, but he supposed for the sake of competition he had to pick a side, and decided he would support his newest friend Tommy. “LETS GOO! COME ON,, WOO!! GO TOMMY!!”

“READY!!”

“Tommy, I want you to know, no hard feelings, okay?” False looked at him. It wasn’t with pity, but friendship. Tommy nodded. “No matter what happens, it stays here.”

“STEADY!!!”

“It stays in the pit.” The moustached man mumbled, arms crossed and watching the two with peaked interest.

“What?” Grian questioned, sending a puzzled glance to the other hermit.

“It stays in the pit. Techno said it to me as a joke, he said it was something his friends said when he and Tommy duelled.” He explained, not taking his eyes off the boxing ring in the centre of the practically stadium-sized room.

“Oh..” Grian thought for a moment, before a smile formed on his face once again.

“SET!!!”

“IT STAYS IN THE PIT, TOMMY!!” He cheered, putting his fist in the air. He tried his hardest to make his voice heard, despite sitting a little ways away.

“What?” Tommy’s voice was small, and his eyes widened. His whole being stood still. Who was that? They didn’t..they didn’t just say..?

“IT STAYS IN THE PIT!!”

His eyes darted around the room, and suddenly the underground room seemed a lot smaller.

Tommy had never considered it a ‘pit.’ To him, it was a just a boxing ring that was below ground level slightly. It had no significance. He didn’t care what it was, he was just happy to have somewhere to fight.

But after hearing that, suddenly he was back in that dammed pit with his damned brother and his damned friends watching him

But after hearing that, suddenly False was no longer across from him

It was Technoblade

“GO GO GO!!!”

His iron sword dropped to the ground. “You killed Tubbo.” A look False had never seen before came across Tommy, and she didn’t know what to think. This wasn’t right.

All he could feel was pure rage. It fuelled his actions. The teen basically flew towards False at full speed. “What-“

“YOU KILLED TUBBO!” She was cut off as Tommy pinned her to the floor, “Tommy stop-“

“SHUT UP!” He spat violently, seeing nothing but red. His skinny hands clenched into fists as he threw punch after punch into her face.

“TOMMY!”

“HEY WHAT THE FUCK, GET HIM OFF”

“GET HIM OUT OF THE RING!” Scar ordered, his voice booming out over the crowds shocked gasps

“YOU BETRAYED POGTOPIA” He shouted, his voice loud and rough. This wasn’t Tommy. His eyes were cold and piercing, his face was flushed “YOU CALLED SCHLATT PRESIDENT, YOU SICK FUCK. YOU BETRAYED US!!” Big, salty tears ran down his cheeks as False’s wrists that attempted to block the punches were twisted. She screeched out in pain.

“ILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!” Tommy knuckles bled, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop. All he ever wanted that day was to kill Technoblade. Techno had killed his best friend, and betrayed his own family. He deserved to die. “YOU BETRAYED ME AND WILBUR. I WANT TO KILL YOU!!”

Tommy’s arms were restrained by Etho and Doc. “LET ME GO, LET ME GO!” He trashed and kicked, blinded by anger and hurt. They exchanged horrified glances, and tried to calm him down. Nothing worked.

False was crying. Her eyes were already swelling up and she was just in the purest form of pain. Some hermits comforted her, while others dragged Tommy out of the ring and away from whatever the fuck just happened.

“TOMMY WHAT THE FUCK” he was screamed at by a couple people, while being shaken by the ones that could tell this wasn’t what it seemed.

“Stop it! Stop you’re making it worse! Let me through” Impulse pushed his way through the crowd, eyes widening as he saw the young boy snarling and pulling to get out of the two men’s grips. Tommy looked feral. “Stop crowding him!”

He knelt down and gently shook the other.

“Tommy, you’re in Hermitcraft. Okay? Grian’s here, Impulse is here, False is here. Technoblade is gone. Tubbo is okay. You’re safe, you’re in Hermitcraft.” He sighed with relief as Tommy came to, the anger in his eyes being replaced with tiredness and confusion.

“Wha..” Tommy went to grab his head, only to find his arms restrained. He panicked, “NO DREAM IM SORRY-“

“Calm down! Tommy you’re safe, you are restrained by Doc and Etho right now, okay? You tried to kill False.” Impulse explained

“I what?!” Tommy gasped, still trying to wiggle his way out. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Why would he ever want to kill False?! Last thing he could remember is that he was sparring, then someone shouted something about..

“..the pit.” His voice went quiet. Impulse nodded in understanding. “Technoblade”

“..yeah.” Tommy thought about what happened. He thought False was his brother. He..he tried to hurt False.

Back in the audience, Grian sat completely still, staring in shock. Mumbo had a hand clamped over his mouth. The smaller looked to his friend, scared. “Mumbo, Did..did Techno tell you why he duelled Tommy?” He shook his head

“No..but he said Tommy wasn’t happy Techno won. I thought he meant the dude was a sore loser..”

Grian and Tommy exhale in sync, their hearts beating fast and hard, trying to process everything.

“What the fuck did I just do”

—————

This has like,, 2 700 words kill meeee

Well I hope you enjoyed that, I accidentally hyperfixated on the idea of Tommy getting pit flashbacks after reading an ask about it so now it’s 3AM! I got this done in 2 hours!

Should I upload these to Ao3??? Let me know!

#hc x dsmp #mcyt #hermit!tommy au #tommyinnit #grian #technoblade #falsesymmetry #other peoples writing #submission

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heartslobbf · 4 years

Text

let’s talk about perfuma. imo, she’s one of the best characters in the show despite being underdeveloped, and i wanna explain why. she could’ve been extremely average, just some lanky flower girl that doesn’t believe in violence and loves everyone, but she is so much more than that (and it pisses me off that y’all reduce her to that).

in her introductory episode, perfuma is clearly in denial about the horde almost destroying plumeria. she doesn’t want to acknowledge the problem, wants someone else to take care of it for her. she’s scared of change, and that is because change makes you vulnerable. if things always stay the same, there’s a whole lot less danger and uncertainty, and therefore you’re safe. secure. perfuma’s kingdom is dying and she can’t bear to accept it because it is unknown to her. it’s putting her in a position where she is no longer secure. this fear of vulnerability can also be seen at the beginning of 1x10 when the princess alliance falls apart and she literally says ‘being together makes us vulnerable.’

the thing is, perfuma isn’t wrong. look at her choice of words. she says that being together makes them vulnerable, not weak. here, she kind of has the words mixed up, but we see that by s5 she has come to understand the difference. that’s what’s so great about perfuma, her motivation to do better, her hunger for self-improvement. it’s why she’s such an important part of catra’s redemption, actually, because she embodies the kind person catra is or wants to be.

let me explain: perfuma is an angry, impatient, short-tempered character. we are shown this again and again with her passive aggression to others and how easily mermista can annoy her with trivial things (sitting in her seat in the war room, for example). catra is also an angry, impatient character, but perfuma works every day to manage those emotions. she knows she needs them, she uses them as a tool (calling catra out, for example, is a time they were practically pivotal for getting her point across) but she also acknowledges they can hurt the people she loves. we know she does a meditation ritual each morning and we see in 4x02 how quickly she can unravel without it. she wants to be better. she puts the work in. that is such a valuable lesson for a character like catra who has always felt she’s just not good enough, she’s always going to be this angry and unlovable and no one can do anything about it.

so, 4x02. it’s a brilliant episode for perfuma’s character, really, and the first proper development we’ve had since 1x04. we see her anger, her impatience, but we also see her self-doubt. her belief that she’s inadequate, ‘just a flower girl.’ this is also when we get introduced to her little mantra that becomes a bit of a motif later on, ‘i can do this.’ we know perfuma doesn’t wholeheartedly believe this, but she says it anyway because she wants to. perfuma wants to be better. she will do whatever she can to be her best self, whether that be actually conquering her gripes with cacti or realising there’s a loophole with the roots (love that conflict resolution by the way, another good deconstruction of hero bs by spop).

this episode is also significant because it comes back to perfuma’s fear of change, of vulnerability. she’s thrown into a situation she doesn’t want to be in, one she feels miserably unprepared for, and she hasn’t done the one thing that puts her at her best beforehand, but she pulls through in the end because she is surrounded by people that support her, that listened to her and consoled her when she was vulnerable. 4x02 teaches perfuma the power of self-worth and the power of true, mutual, unconditional love, which can only come with vulnerability.

and this is where her character gets really interesting, in my humble opinion. ngl, one of the reasons i love perfuma so much is because she’s a pisces and i am too. i’m not gonna go astrology hoe on you rn, i’m just using this to demonstrate the part of her character that teaches others. pisces, if you don’t know, love to play therapist. we like to help the people around us with whatever strifes they may have because we think we’re fucking great at it. perfuma actually is.

you know how i said perfuma learns the importance of self-belief and vulnerability? yeah, she teaches both of those lessons to other characters in s5. like i said, perfuma is a character who values self-betterment and also happens to be a pisces, so when she sees scorpia, riddled with so much self-doubt and such low self-esteem, her immediate response is just i’m gonna teach that bitch how to love herself. and she does!

i’ve seen some people say they don’t like scorfuma because it seemed as though the writers just decided to ‘fix’ all of scorpia’s problems by giving her a girlfriend. that’s very dumb, first of all because they aren’t even together by the end of the show, they’re just interested in one another. second, the whole point of she-ra is that we’re stronger together. scorpia doesn’t go through growth in s5 because a girl likes her, she goes through growth because someone is showing her support and love for the first time in her life and that empowers her. you know, the worth that scorpia finds in herself doesn’t hinge on perfuma, like it did with catra. it’s about her as an individual, and perfuma so clearly makes it about that when her big lesson revolves around singing. scorpia loves singing. perfuma tells her she should do it because she enjoys it, a sentiment you’d never hear in the horde, and when scorpia does sing, she is actively rejecting the people who did make all her self-worth hinge on them catra. she’s doing something for herself, because she enjoys it, because it makes her happy, because she can.

it’s that same mantra: i can do this, i can do this. i really love how this was brought back from 4x02, how perfuma repurposed something that taught her such a valuable lesson for someone else. perfuma and scorpia are great foil characters actually, both constantly underestimated and thought of as weak by their groups, but some of the strongest characters in the show due to their deep value of love and self. i can do this, and i know i can because you believe in me, because i believe in myself. it’s brought back again in 5x10, when the last thing perfuma says before scorpia breaks the beam is ‘i know you can [pull through]’. she tells catra she believes in scorpia. it’s that belief, that support from other people that empowers the self to believe it too. we are stronger together, you know??

anyways, onto vulnerability. return to the fright zone is in my top ten episodes of the whole fucking show and you might think that’s a bit weird but i don’t. 5x10 encompasses so many important themes of spop so well and tells them with scorfuma and spinnetossa, our two side lesbian couples. this is significant since perfuma literally draws a parallel between her and catra at the end of the episode, and catradora and spinnetossa have always been significant to one another. i’m gonna say it, perfuma is the reason catra is finally able to confess to adora in 5x13. i’ve already talked about how important perfuma is to catra’s motivation to improve, but she literally makes catra rethink everything about strength and vulnerability, two words catra has a lot of feelings about.

catra fears vulnerability. we know this. she has such a deep love for those important to her but is never able to articulate it because she worries she’ll be taken advantage of, shot down, laughed at, whatever. all of this stems from the abuse she suffered at shadow weaver’s hands and her attachment issues, and it’s also why catra pretends to hate scorpia’s very open displays of affection and love: she sees it as weak because she has been taught to, but it’s all she ever really wanted to be.

we also know perfuma used to fear vulnerability. she doesn’t any more. the entirety of the episode leading up to her and catra’s heart-to-heart is her being vulnerable, putting herself in a position where she’s in danger but believing it’s worth it. and it is. despite what everyone said to her, perfuma is right: it was worth it. she got through to scorpia, even if it was only for a moment. she literally spells it out to us and catra with one of the best lines in the whole show: it’s hard, keeping your heart open. it makes you vulnerable, but it doesn’t make you weak, and i have to believe it’s worth it.

back in 1x10, perfuma was right: being together makes you vulnerable. horde prime tries to use people’s relationships against them, that’s literally the plot of save the cat, the point of pitting catra and adora against one another. he sees them as weak, just like shadow weaver deems adora’s feelings for catra ‘confusing’, just like light hope insisted adora was a danger to her friends as long as she was around them. they were all wrong. yes, they’re vulnerable. perfuma acknowledges that vulnerability puts you in danger, that it’s difficult to do that, but she knows it doesn’t make you weak. weakness vs strength is a big conflict in 5x10 literally introduced to us with netossa’s theories on everyone’s weaknesses in the first few minutes.

like perfuma says, friendship isn’t a weakness. it’s her greatest strength. her belief in love is literally what saves her and adora’s lives, it’s what saves everyone who got chipped, glimmer, bow. belief in love, both of others and yourself, is what saves adora in her dying moments. perfuma summarises she-ra’s entire fucking message to us repeatedly in 5x10 and she tells it to catra because catra is the one who will do the most with it. that glance at adora, it’s obvious what it means. perfuma is telling catra she should be open with adora about her feelings because you have to believe it’s worth it.

you won’t get anywhere waiting for other people to make the move. she-ra couldn’t heal plumeria’s lands, so plumeria had to fight their own battle alongside her no matter how much they felt unable to. the rebellion couldn’t move mara’s ship, so perfuma had to despite thinking she wasn’t strong enough. the reason they always win in the end is because they have each other, they have love and support and people motivating them to do better. just like perfuma motivates herself to do better.

it’s the mantra. i can do this. i can be vulnerable and still win, because i have love. and it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard to be vulnerable when you’ve feared it all your life and you’re so angry, so hurt, but you have to believe it’s worth it. and it is. it is, it is, it is, love is stronger than anything and being vulnerable for the people you love is the only way you can ever get what you want from them. perfuma as a character embodies that, having learnt it herself, and teaches the lesson to one of the characters who needs it the most.

adora is dying, and catra loves her, and she knows she does, and she just has to believe. adora is dying, and she loves catra, and she knows she does, but she doesn’t believe. not until catra teaches her too, in that moment, to realise they were all wrong, light hope, shadow weaver, horde prime. adora doesn’t need to let go, she needs to hold on and believe she will be pulled back up by the girl she loves. she needs to believe she deserves it. that it’s worth it.

and it is.

#ANYWAYS I FUCKING LOVE PERFUMA THANK U QUEEN FOR BEING THE BEST SIDE CHARACTER #sjdjeksmnf sorry this is long i tried to keep it short #I HAVE SO MUCB TO SAY ABT HER #shut up daisy #spop #perfuma #scorfuma #catra #scorpia #catradora #adora #spop meta

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fandomficsnstuff · 3 years

Text

Guardian Angel

Daryl Dixon x Reader

(Warnings: It’s gonna get kinda gory cause the reader is gonna learn how to skin a rabbit, so prepare yourselves, also Merle is a creep, as always, also cussing and this is kinda long)

(Okay! So I’m considering making this a series, just don’t really know yet, but let me know if you guys want a series outta this, I have a lot of ideas for this. Also I'm borrowing my friend's computer so I'll try to get more fics done and post them, stay safe out therer ya'll!)

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You let out a huff as you continued to scrub the shirt on the washing board, listening to the girls talk, but too lost in your own head to listen. You were, however, brought out of your day dreaming by Carol’s voice, looking up at her and her kind smile that she always bore, despite what that monster of a husband did to her. “You alright honey?” You forced a smile, giving a brief nod before shrugging, “just lost in thought, I guess” you looked down briefly before looking back up, noticing how you had all of the girls’ attention now, making you bite your lip nervously “what?” Andrea was the first to giggle at your response, “oh nothing, just, does that thought of yours happen to carry a crossbow around?” your mouth fell open at her question, making her smirk at you and the other girls laugh “shut up!” you splashed water at her, making everyone, including you, laugh loudly. You all continued to laugh, you felt tears in your eyes as your stomach hurt from laughing, but it all died down once you heard a whistle, turning to look at none other but the biggest perv in camp, Merle Fucking Dixon.

“Well, what do we have here? What’re you pretty little ladies gigglin’ about?” It was amazing to see all the girls roll their eyes at the exact same time, it almost made you laugh again, almost. “Mind your own business, Merle” Andrea got back to washing the clothes, clearly not impressed with him, which no one was at this point, but Merle didn’t take too kindly to it “why don’t you say that to my face, sugar tits? I’d sure as hell love to shut that pretty little mouth of yours up” you gagged at Merle’s comment, feeling sick to your stomach, and a part of you admired Andrea for how she kept a stone face.

“In your dreams, Merle” Andrea huffed out, but Merle just smirked.

“Oh it sure will be” you gagged again, so you decided to get up, the wet clothes in your arms, you didn’t much feel like washing them again after throwing up on them because of Merle. “Excuse me ladies, I have to go throw up” you walked past Merle to hang up the clothes to dry, but stopped abruptly as Merle gave your ass a smack on the way, turning back to ogle at Andrea. You turned slowly around, quietly balancing all of the clothes in one hand to bend down and pick up a rock, almost the size of your palm, and a smirk slowly made it’s way onto your lips as you thought over your plan. You chugged it as hard as you could at Merle’s head, hitting him right on his balding head, and you just ran for it. You moved your legs as fast as you could, your mind going almost as fast, now you had to come up with something, you heard Merle yell from down in the quarry. You spotted Lori and bolted towards her, making her look up at you with narrowed eyes as you panted heavily, trying to find the words you needed to ask her to help you, but you barely had the chance before she extended her arms “go on, before he catches up” you smiled brightly, letting her take the wet clothes “thank you Lori you are a goddess!” she rolled her eyes with a smile “don’t I know it. Now go” you nodded and bolted off into the woods, you had your knife with you, you would be fine.

Once you thought you were far enough into the woods you leaned against a big tree, panting heavily as you tried to catch your breath, once you had a decent hold of your breathing, you slowed it down, listening for any sounds, but mostly listening for the angry footsteps of Merle searching for you. After a minute or so of listening, you breathed out a breathless laugh, bending over with your hands on your knees to really catch your breath, now that you had been holding it for a while. You were about to go back when you heard footsteps and leaves crunching, spinning around to see none other than your favorite Dixon, not that there was much competition.

You exhaled heavily, a hand over your hand “you scares the fuck outta me, Daryl” you gave him a warm smile, making him scoff as he approached you “wasn’t even tryin’ to be quiet” he commented as he approached, he never really looked at you, he was too shy, but now he were. You both had small moments like this where you could be yourselves, where he could look at you without blushing, at least not too much, and you found it adorable.

“Good game?” you asked, pointing to the squirrels and rabbits over his shoulder, making him glance at it and shrug “yeah, the rabbit was a bitch to find though” you furrowed your brows “what? The great Daryl Dixon, master hunter, couldn’t catch a little bunny?” you joked, making him scoff once again, shaking his head at you as he looked down before back up at you “nah I caught it alright, it was finding it that was a bitch” you smirked at him, studying him for a few seconds before shrugging, leaning against the tree you had been hiding behind just a few minutes earlier, “then why go after it?” Daryl looked down, blushing red like a tomato at your question, shrugging as he kept his eyes on the ground “well, you liked the last one I caught right?” you nodded, giving a small ‘mhm’ in conformation, which just made him shrug again, as if that was the answer itself. Your eyes widened a bit, and now it was your turn to look like a tomato, letting out a quiet ‘oh’ as you looked down at the leaves under your boots, a dumb grin on your face “well, that was very nice of you, Daryl, thank you” you nudged his shoulder as you looked back up at him, only to find him looking at you already. It was like a scene from a movie, and cliché as it sounds, the way the whole world just went away, how everything else faded as you held eye contact. Maybe it was just on your part, maybe you were just hallucinating, but you liked to think that he felt the same, even if it was just wishful thinking.

You were snapped out of it as he cleared his throat, looking down again, you didn’t think it was possible for his face to turn even more red, but here you were, staring at a very red Daryl. “So, wanna head back?” he looked back up at you, making you smile even more, though you wanted to say no, you wanted to just sit down on the ground with him and just talk. You wanted to stay here with him for so much longer, just have the world fade around you until only the two of you were left, you wanted to sit and talk about his life, the things he loved, the things he did before the whole world went to shit. You realized then that you didn’t know that much about him, you knew his life had been shit, it was a given, you knew he must’ve had a tough childhood, you knew he liked to be alone, he liked the quiet, hence the hunting and tracking, but other than that, you didn’t know much, but in this world you didn’t really need to, you thought. Who he was before didn’t matter, you knew who he was now, and that's all that mattered to you.

You realized you had been quiet and just staring at him when he said your name, you loved it when he said your name, it sounded so heavenly coming from his lips. “(Y/N)? You alright?” you blinked a few times before coughing, looking down embarrassed “y-yeah I just uh, I think I’ll stay here a while longer, you know? Enjoy nature and all that” he let out a small laugh, something you quickly engraved in your memory, it sounded so sweet, it was one of the very rare times you had heard it, and it was always when you were alone. Daryl walked past you towards camp, and for a second you actually thought he bought it, but seeing him turn around to face you, a knowing smirk on his lips made you realize that he simply knew you too well at this point, that or you were a lousy liar, one of the two, “come on, I ain’t gonna let him get ya”, you let out a small chuckle, stepping closer to him, leaning in and pecking his cheek, your own cheeks were burning up, so was the tip of your ears “thank you, Daryl” you went ahead towards camp, Daryl completely frozen in place though it didn’t last long, he soon caught up to you, walking next to you with his head down, though every once in a while you’d see him sneaking a glance at you out of the corner of your eyes, and it made a bright smile form on your lips.

As you reached the edge of camp you looked around for Merle, cautious, which made Daryl scoff in amusement “whatcha do this time?” you looked at him with as much innocence as you could muster, but seeing as it didn’t work you sighed, you knew it was his brother, so you didn’t want to upset him in any way “he was ogling and saying some things to Andrea… and when I tried to walk past him he slapped my ass,” you swore you saw Daryl clench his jaw, but you couldn’t be too sure, your eyes were partially on the ground, you cleared your throat and continued “and I uh, may or may not have.. thrown a rock at him, and hit him… possibly…” you dared to sneak a glance at Daryl, but all you could see was amusement “well, he ain't never learnt how to treat women” was all Daryl said as he sat down on a tree stump with a leg on each side, taking off the string of squirrels and two rabbits he had tied to it, you bit your lip to hide your smile, nodding and sitting down across from him on the ground, studying him as he was about to skin one of the two rabbits.

“Can you teach me?” his eyes looked up at yours and you swore you saw a hint of confusion in them, but he looked down quickly again “you sure? It ain’t pretty” you raised a brow at his comment, smirking at him “Daryl Dixon, just so you know, I ain’t a ‘pretty girl’ “you tried your best to match his accent, making him eye you before shaking his head again “please never do that again” you laughed low “what? I ain’t doin’ nothin’” you continued to say in the accent, making him smirk, but he tried to hide it “if you’re gonna be like that I won’t teach ya” you held your hands up in surrencer, seeing the amused look on his face that he tried to hide “alright, you win, now teach me” he scoffed low, shaking his head as he got out his hunting knife.

(this is where the gore kinda starts, so you can skip this part if you want to)

“Alright then. You’ll want to pinch the hide on the rabbit’s back and make a small cut. The hide of a rabbit is very thin and you don’t even need a knife to do this; I’ve used a sharp stick to puncture the skin. Now you’re gonna watch me, and then see how you do on the other one, got it?” you nodded with a small smile, turning your eyes back to his hands and the rabbit, you really did want to learn, so you paid as much attention as possible. “Once you’ve made the cut, work your middle and index finger from both hands into the opening, like this. Now, you’re gonna wanna have steady hands, you're just gonna hook your fingers under the skin and pull one hand toward the head and the other toward the ass, alright? Don’t be scared to use a bit of force” you bit your lip to hold back a laugh at his casual language, merely nodding your head and continuing to watch him work, “The skin will begin to tear and separate from the body in two pieces. Keep pulling, grabbing more of the skin as you go to get a better grip, alright? It’s gonna be a bit tough but it’s alright. Now you just gotta work the legs out.” you nodded as you watched him, and before you knew it, your mouth opened “like pulling off a shirt” you blushed as he looked at you but he just shrugged and looked back down to the rabbit “yeah, somethin’ like that”, he gave you a small smirk before continuing his work, continuing to pull on the fur, ripping on it left the feet still covered, it reminded you of tiny shoes.

(the gore ends now, there’ll be hints at the rest of the process but this is where the explanation and detail ends)

You watched as he made a final pull, tugging harshly at the rear and you had a small snapping like noise, realizing the tail had been pulled off as well “wow” Daryl scoffed low “eh don’t worry about it, it happens, just saves the work of doing it later” you nodded as he put the now skinned fur to the side, about to tell you what to do next when you heard your name being called by an angry raspy voice, your head snapping around to look at the source, the source being Merle Dixon himself, the man you had completely forgotten about.

“(Y/N)! You little bitch!” Merle still held the back of his head in pain, and it would've made you laugh, if you didn’t feel like he could kill you at any moment given how angry he was. You were stuck in between smirking and running away, but Daryl quickly brought Merle’s attention away from you “whatchu want Merle?” he sounded pissed off, and a part of you hoped it was because he enjoyed spending time with you, and because that time was now interrupted, another part was worried that this was just because today was being too much, had it really been that difficult to find those rabbits for you? Or maybe you pushed it too far with asking him to teach you, but on the other hand, he actually seemed like he enjoyed teaching you, so maybe it really was just the aura or Merle annoying the hell out of him.

“Ain’t got nothin’ to do with you baby brother, so mind ya own business! (Y/N) you bitch! Think you can just throw shit at me and get away with it?! Huh?! I’m gonna show you-” Daryl stood up the second Merle took a step closer to you “just piss of Merle, I don’t care if she threw shit at ya, ya ain’t dead, so stop whining like a little bitch” your eyes widened at the scene unfolding in front of you, you had never heard Daryl talk to him that way, and these two weren’t exactly shy about fighting in front of others. Merle glanced between the two of you, a part of him was seething and another part of him was mocking you as he started to laugh “well! What do we have here? Little baby Daryl’s in love, everybody! What’s gonna happen next huh? You gonna let her paint your nails, huh? Maybe play dress up?! I ain’t the one acting like a little love sick puppy so don’t call me a whiny bitch!” As quick as he had acted amused he acted furious, they stood chest to chest now, their noses almost touching as they stared each other down, and you were pretty positive that if it went on any longer, one of them would punch the other.

“G-Guys… maybe, uh… maybe we could all just take a step back?” you glanced at Glenn as he nervously approached, God bless his heart, he was just trying to make everyone calm down. Glenn had always been sweet to you, Dale as well, so you cringed when Merle spun around and hit him in the face, Glenn had tried to move away but Merle had still hit him, you quickly sprung to your feet, your first instinct was to hold Daryl back as he moved towards Merle, but you let Shane handle him, pinning him to the ground with his hands behind his back, holding him down.

“Don’t, Daryl, come on” you whispered, you hadn’t realized how close you two stood, until you tore your eyes away from Merle to look at Daryl, his face mere inches away from yours, but he didn’t notice, he was too busy contemplating if he should get Shane off of Merle or if he should help hold him down. You frowned as Daryl moved from your side “get the fuck off of him!” he ripped Shane to the side, helping Merle stand up and you couldn’t help the scoff you let out. You looked down and shook your head, walking past him to Glenn, kneeling besides him to look at his cheek, Lori, Andrea and Amy were on the ground next to him as well “here let me look” you inspected his cheek cringing a bit seeing the redness “it’s alright, he hit you but you still moved back, you’re not gonna get a bruise I think” Glenn nodded as he held his cheek again, wincing slightly as all the girls, you included, helped him stand up, even though he could do so just fine.

You glanced at Dale, giving him a small smile, assuring him that Glenn was okay, to which he visibly relaxed. You glanced at Daryl who was busy yelling at Shane to not touch his brother, and Shane yelling back that he shouldn’t just hit people then. It was chaos, not in a traditional sense, but those three yelling at each other, Glenn hurt, even though it wasn’t serious, it just made you feel like this was chaos.

You sighed and walked off towards the quarry, Andrea and Lori helping Glenn put something cold on his cheek. You sighed as you sat down on a rock near the water, watching the ripples caused by the wind, you barely noticed Dale approaching, sitting down next to you on a rock. You both sat there in silence watching the water, and after a while Dale finally broke the silence “it’s so quiet here” you hummed in response, taking in a deep breath of fresh air “yeah it is… almost makes you forget how shit everything is” Dale chuckled low “yeah, though not everything is bad” you looked at him “no?” Dale shook his head and met your gaze “I saw you and Daryl, that’s not bad, is it?” you chuckled low and looked out over the water again “no, I guess… I mean… I just wish he-... you know? I just-... and he, he just… it’s frustrating” you sighed and looked down at the rocks under your feet, picking one up and fiddling with it “Daryl is-”

“Complicated?” you laughed as Dale basically finished your sentence, nodding your head gently “yeah, but he’s also so sweet… it’s his brother Merle, he irks him and riles him up and he just… he’s just so… I don’t know… but it’s not who Daryl is, Daryl is sweet and shy and I know he doesn’t show it a lot but he’s so kind, while hunting, he remembered that I liked the rabbit he caught last time, so he went out of his way to find two more today, it makes me feel, I don’t know… special, and when he defended me from Merle, it made me feel like he’s my guardian angel sometimes...” you shrugged, looking back at Dale who nodded, giving you a knowing look which made you blush as you realized what you had just said out loud, your gaze turning back to the rock in your hands.

“I agree, you know, Daryl is definitely not like his brother, I’m just happy he shows it to someone at least, instead of hiding it. No one can be alone with who they are all the time, at least they shouldn’t, in my experience” you hummed low again, your eyes looking back out over the water, a small smile on your lips “‘walking in the dark with a friend is better than walking alone in the light’” you mumbled, making Dale look at you with an intrigued look, a warm smile still on his lips, as it usually was. “It’s… it’s a quote from Helen Keller” you explained, Dale giving you a small ‘aha’ sound before looking back out over the water. You both sat there for a while longer, he had given guard duty to Andrea before coming down here, so you both just sat and watched the water and the sun reflected upon it’s surface.

#Daryl Dixon #Daryl Dixon x Reader #TWD Fic #daryl x y/n

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suchalonelysunflower · 3 years

Text

Wedding Bells (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x Fem!Reader

Summary: The happiest day of your life is the worst day on Luke’s life. Could there still be a happy ending if he’s not too late?

Warnings: angsty. Language and mentions of alcohol. Slander on the name Phillip (sorry to all the Phills but it’s true, look it up) Some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 4.9 k

Author’s note: let me guide you through my thought process: I was writing You Said Forever and accidentally got caught up on the Olivia x Joshua x sabrina drama, that lead me to the Miley x Nick x Selena drama, which lead me to the song Wedding Bells by Nick Jonas. So this is loosely based on that. Remember that Reblogs, Comments, Feedback and Likes are very important and welcomed, you don’t know how much it helps and I love to hear from you guys ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading ✨🦋🌻

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

His head was pounding, loudly.

Every beat sounded like an echo that ran through his whole body. Speaking of his body, goddamn how it hurt, how everything hurts.

His eyelids were closed, eyelashes stuck and tangled with each other, heavy as the sun shined through the window, begging him to get up. His mouth was also dry, he couldn’t figure out if it was because he slept with his mouth open or because he doesn’t remember the last time he drank a drop of water.

He groaned as the pounding in his head continued. A never-ending pain that matched the loud banging on the door.

“Luke! C’mon, we’re going to be late!”

Ashton's voice sounded far away as his mind was not fully awake yet. He didn’t want to be awake yet, maybe not ever again after this day.

If his eyes were awake he would roll them. Couldn’t Ashton understand that he didn’t want to go? He made it fairly obvious for the past few months! He was not going.

Luke hid his head farther in his pillow, trying to avoid any kind of contact with the outside world. But that was almost impossible as soon as he heard Ashton pick on his lock.

That bastard.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to mess with a bloke from the outsides of town?” He said with a teasing tone. Luke knew he was bluffing, his doorknob was messed up since the moment they bought the house, so it was easy to get in if you knew the right tricks with a safety pin - oh the irony of it all.

Luke mumbled something close to a word his mum wouldn’t be proud to hear. But Ashton simply ignored it as he walked towards the windows to open the curtains, letting the sun illuminate the room at its full capacity.

Ashton sighed at the sight of the room. Clothes were thrown out everywhere, the same goes with the hundred liquor and beer bottles and cans that were scattered around the floor. He grabbed the half-empty bottle of vodka that rested on the nightstand and clicked his tongue.

“You bought this yesterday,” He said, totally unimpressed. Luke didn’t answer “C’mon, buddy, up to the shower you go”

Ashton patted Luke’s back, encouraging him to get a move on, but the blonde just brought his sheets over his head and stayed put.

“Luke…”

“Mmnphf” He mumbled.

“What?” Ashton walked to the foot of the bed and grabbed the tall Australian by his legs, pulling him out of his comforter in one swift move that made Luke fall out of the bed with a thud.

“Motherfuck-“ He complained, rubbing on his bumped head, which was still pounding by the way.

“You were saying?” Ashton said with a smirk as he crouched down to be face to face with Luke, the teasing smile quickly fading away because he didn’t like what he saw at all.

The baby blue eyes that once shined with gleam were dull, red, and empty, and probably angry about his interruption. His curly blond was sticking to his forehead and his body language seemed to have given up on keeping him with a straight figure, making him physically close himself up to others.

“I said I’m not going!” His voice was hoarse due to the heavy drinking he’s been doing these past few days. He tried to sound harsh, but Ashton could easily see through his bluff. He was hurting, every part of him.

“Of course you are,” Ashton scoffed.

Luke glared at him “I’m. Not. Going” He said through gritted teeth. The drummer rolled his eyes. He’s had this conversation before and it was always the same speech.

“You are because she wants you there, so you’ll be there” Ashton stated as if that was the only reasonable answer.

Luke closed his eyes, cause he was sure that if he opened them he would punch Ashton in the mouth. Why couldn’t he understand? “I can’t go, Ash”

His voice broke at the end of the pleading, breaking Ashton’s heart in the process. He hated to see him like that; to see him throw away his life so carelessly without asking for or accepting anyone’s help. It’s not like he ignored what was happening, but he was sure this would do good for him; close cycles, help him move on, and that shit. How else could you mend a broken heart?

“And besides,” Luke continued “She doesn’t want me there” The words felt like poison in his mouth, bitter and dry “She invited you guys, you are her friends and I’m just her stupid ex”

That was a lie and he knew that. When the invitations came he made sure to throw his away before he even got to open it. Making the others believe that he wasn’t invited at all. He didn’t even tell them that you were the one who dropped them, him being unlucky enough to answer the door.

“It’s in June,” You said, eyes avoiding him “Hope you can make it”

Whatever words Luke had stuck in his throat stayed there as he swallowed the pain of seeing you standing there, inviting him to see you love someone else. All he could say was “You’ll look beautiful in white”

You practically ran away after that, leaving him alone with the invitations. Just looking at those envelopes hurt more than he could imagine. He knew this day would come eventually, he hoped he would. He just hoped that his name was engraved on paper next to yours.

“Maybe,” Said Ashton with a grin “But if she didn’t want you there then why did she ask me to RSVP for you?” Luke’s eyes widened like plates, he knew Ashton had called his bluff once again “She said you never answer yours so I did it for you. Cause she wants you there, Luke. You were her best friend, too”

Luke groaned and covered his face with his hand “Why did you do that?!” He asked with an exasperated tone, wanting to hate on the drummer but knowing that that was impossible.

“Because you need to go, mate! You can’t leave her hanging like this!”

“And what am I supposed to say?!” He yelled, he was not used to yelling but he was at the ends of his wits ``‘Oh, hey Y/N! A beautiful day isn’t it? Perfect weather to break my heart into a million pieces while you marry another guy and I’m sitting there watching, wishing I was him! I’m happy for you, though I’m really not cause I know it’s been like what? 3 years 5 months and 24 days since we broke up? but I’m still in love with you. Okay have fun?!”’

He grabbed an empty can from the floor and threw it away, hitting the door of his closet. He was beyond furious and frustrated. You were getting married and he can’t do anything to stop it; to stop you.

Ashton sighed, heartbroken by this whole ordeal “You’ve been counting?”

“Ever since that day. It was my greatest mistake and now I’m suffering from it. Karma really is a bitch. Did you know our anniversary is supposed to be in 5 days? And now it’s impossible to ever get her back”

The drummer placed a hand on Luke's shoulder, he wished he could make his pain go away. He’s never seen his friend so heartbroken before and it pained him knowing that there was nothing he could do about it.

“Luke,” He said in a fatherly tone “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But believe when I tell you she wants you there, she misses you” Luke turned his head towards Ashton, his eyes begging him not to lie “I’m serious, she’s always asking about you but she’s too scared to talk to you thinking that you don’t want to speak to her. She needs you there, man. Not as a bitter ex and to show you she’s moved on, but as a friend. And I know for a fact you can’t say not to her, even when you’re mad”

Luke sighed. Ashton was right. He could never deny you anything, even before you were together and you were just his best friend, you were always his weakness.

He misses you too, every day since you broke up he’s been missing you. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to see you at least one last time, given that your last interaction was awkward as hell.

“I can’t go, Ash”

Ashton nodded with a disappointing sigh as he got up from the floor, but before he could walk out the door he heard Luke say “I can’t go because I don’t have a suit!”

Ashton smiled “I got you covered, buddy” And left the room so Luke could take a shower.

Ashton’s suit was itchy, but Luke was grateful that he didn’t have to show up in jeans and an old BonJovi shirt.

He was surprised to find out that they were actually on time, although he wouldn’t be surprised if someone told him that Ashton woke him up much earlier than needed to get there on time.

They met with Michael and Calum in the parking lot, they greeted each other and started talking as if Luke’s heart wasn’t about to burst from the anxiety he was feeling.

To show up at a wedding is something; to show up at your ex’s aka the love of your life’s wedding is… unsettling. He understood why his friends didn’t want to make it awkward for him, yet the awkwardness settled at the moment he stepped foot out of the car.

“She’s getting married in a church?” He asked no one in particular.

“Yeah? That’s why we are here, mate” Calum chuckled.

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. You never wanted to get married in a church or even a chappel. No, if he remembers correctly, your dream wedding was somewhere outdoors; either a park or a forest or even someone’s backyard. You used to say that love was the most beautiful and natural thing in the universe, so it was logical to celebrate something as powerful as a wedding in the eyes of nature, so it all came to be one for love and love can be one for all.

He remembers he laughed at that, not to mock you in any way, but in awe of how beautiful you put it. Everything you said sounded like poetry to him, even if you were just reading a menu in a Chinese restaurant. But now your poetry would belong to someone else, and he only hoped that that someone deserves to hear it.

He doesn’t know the groom, he believes his name was Phill? Or something like that? Ashton always said he was kind of a jerk, but you loved him enough to marry him so maybe he wasn’t that bad. But for Luke he would always be the man that stole you from him.

All three of his friends started walking inside the rustic church and Luke followed, incapable to think about anything else that wasn’t you at that moment.

However, the minute he entered the cold building he knew something was wrong.

The church was filled with people he didn’t know, he assumed they must be from the groom’s side of the family, but he would bet the 35$ Ashton left in his pocket that you didn’t know half of these people either.

You never wanted a big wedding, hell, you didn’t even want a big birthday party, no matter how much Luke insisted on it.

“Those kinds of parties are not for the ones being celebrated!” You told him once “If it was truly important then all you need is your closest friends and your found family. What else is there to love?”

Your words kept repeating themselves inside Luke’s head. What else is there to love? Indeed.

That wasn’t the only thing catching his attention though. With every step he took towards his seat he found out more things out of place, out of you.

For example, the color scheme was terrible and he knows you didn’t pick it, your favorite colors were nowhere to be seen. Then it was the flowers, if there is one thing he never forgot about you were your favorite flowers. You used to fill the house with them saying that they were your little serotonin boosters, he remembers how happy they made you and how one time he nearly bought all the flowers in the shop to surprise you when you were having a bad day. Now he cannot even look at them without thinking of you.

The more steps he took the more flawed this wedding looked. And yes, he knows that sounds bad, especially coming from him. But it was the truth. Not even the music sounded like it would come from you.

The words ‘This is not right’ Kept screaming at the back of his head.

The Y/N he knew would never choose those flowers or those colors or that guest list or that venue, nor the song that was playing over the speakers. She preferred live music over all the rest and, if she would’ve asked, she’d known that all four of them would perform for free on the happiest day of her life, even if it was the crappiest day for him.

If someone were to tell him a year ago that this is how your wedding would look, he would’ve laughed cause this is not like you. This wedding, this… charade of glamour and show.. this wasn’t you. This wasn’t Y/N. And it's supposed to be your day!

He couldn’t understand why you’d choose this? This was so unlike you, unless… unless he never really knew you at all.

And just like that, the sinking feeling of dread came upon him as he tried to figure out who was the person he knew and who are you now? What changed so much to make you lose all that you once were?

What if?

What if he knew how to love you better? He wouldn’t have let you walk away from him. He would’ve fought for you, for the two of you, instead of just giving up like he did.

Luke knew he loved you. Fuck, he still loves you like the first day. And now you are loving somebody else cause he didn’t know how to keep the most beautiful thing he ever had; the most beautiful thing he let die. He messed up, but his biggest fuck up was realizing it and doing nothing about it.

And now it was too late.

“Dude, are you okay?” Michael whispered when he noticed his friend's frown.

Luke nodded, lips pressed together in a thin line “What were you saying?”

Michael smiled with mischief “We were just laughing at how ridiculous Phillip looks. That suit does not suit him at all”

For the first time since he came, he looked over at the altar. Standing there was the so-called Phill you were going to marry. He was talking to his groomsmen and laughing obnoxiously at what seemed like an inappropriate joke. What did you see on that guy?

“Did you know the name Phillip means horse lover?” Said Calum, trying to stiff a laugh with the other two friends.

They were doing their best to keep Luke distracted and he appreciated that. But seeing the groom so unpreoccupied, so chill and uninterested made his blood boil. How could he be so at ease? If it were him, if he had the wonderful chance to marry you, he’d be a ball of anxiety. He’d be wondering just how beautiful you’d look, if you were feeling as nervous as he was, if you were as happy as he was and how he couldn’t wait to marry you… He would do all that because he will know that he is the luckiest man on earth. But that’s not his truth at all.

“I’m going to take a walk”

Neither of them told him that the ceremony was about to start or offered to accompany him. They knew he needed time and they wouldn't pressure him at all. Luke silently thanked them for that.

He walked out of the ceremony hall and started pacing around the halls, quickly getting lost as he tried to ease his mind.

How could he go through this and pretend that he’s okay? He remembered Ashton’s words from this morning and knew that if you wanted him here then he would be here, but that still didn’t make it any easier.

He would go through the ends of the earth for you if you asked him to, but this? This might be the hardest thing he has ever done, second only to let you go.

His curls were getting messy because of all the ruffling he did with his hands. He needed to pull himself together before the ceremony, he needed to seem okay in front of you. He-

The soft cries coming from behind the door caught his attention. They were hushed but they seemed completely broken. Whoever was behind that door must feel just as hopeless as he did.

“Hello?” He said, knocking on the wooden door “Hello, are you okay in there?”

The sniffing sounds stopped “Luke?”

It was quiet, almost like a whisper. But Luke would recognize your voice anywhere, especially after not hearing you say his name for 3 years.

“Y/N?”

The door opened with a click and revealed a supply closet and, inside that supply closet, there was a bride. There you were.

Luke’s breath almost disappeared as you knocked the wind out of his lungs. You looked beautiful. Stunning in your white dress. Magical as your hair was perfectly styled. Breathtaking with your waterproof makeup still intact, although you would look breathtaking without it as well. Ethereal as you looked at him and he realized that all the times that he missed you seemed small at how much he missed you now and how he would miss you all his life.

If there were any other adjectives to describe how you looked, he would take them all out of the dictionary and give them to you in the form of a song. Cause in his eyes there was no other beauty that could compare, that even the sadness in your eyes seemed to compliment your magnificent. And that was something he couldn’t ignore.

Without thinking it twice he took a couple of steps in front of you and cupped your face in his hands, wiping your tears with his thumb as he murmured: “What’s wrong, love?”

Hearing his voice so worried and soft shook something in you, something that you didn’t know you still had but at the same time knew that it would never go away.

More tears started streaming down your eyes as your gaze met his, making you get lost in those baby blue marbles.

“I- I don’t know what I’m doing, Lukey” You confessed in a whisper.

At the sound of his nickname, Luke felt like he could float away in a cloud of happiness. He thought you’ve forgotten. But the look on your face denoted a fear he hoped he’d never got to see again.

Your eyes were puffy red and your cheeks were flushed, not only because of the blush. And your eyes, they were terrified and Luke didn’t know what to do, so he just said.

“You’re getting married today” You didn’t miss the hint of sadness that laced those words. You hoped that could mean something.

You placed your hands on his wrist, holding his hands that were cupping your face and making them stay there. Right now it was the only comfort you got.

“I don’t know if I should-“ You choke out a sob “Luke, I’m scared- I’m so scared”

“Do you love him?” The words pained him, cutting right through his heart. But you and him were here for a reason, and that reason was waiting at the altar.

He secretly prayed that you would say no, that you would beg him to take you away and run away together, maybe elope somewhere far away and not come back to this place ever again.

He saw the hesitation in your eyes and he knew his answer.

“Y/N, I love-“

“There you are!”

Luke closed his eyes in annoyance when he felt his words get stuck in his throat as the stranger’s voice came closer to them. You quickly pulled away from him and that only made his heart break more than it already was.

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Said one of the bridesmaids Luke has never seen before, he assumed that it was from the side of the groom as well, just like everything else “The ceremony is about to start, we need to go now!”

She quickly grabbed you by the wrist and practically draged you to the ceremony hall.

You were desperate. Your pleading eyes searched for Luke, begging for him to do something. But what could he do now? His shocking state left him standing right there with his eyes glued to your figure being dragged away somewhere he didn’t know you wanted to be. It all happened so fast that the only thing he could think of was that this might be the last chance he’s got to see you and all he could do was stare into your pretty eyes cloud with fear and tears.

‘Here comes the bride’ started playing through the speakers of the church and Luke clenched his fists to his side. You hated this song.

He went back to his seat minutes after the ceremony started. His three best friends were looking at him with curiosity and a thousand questions in their minds. They knew the minute that they saw you come in that those tears were not of happiness and, judging by Luke’s hard, emotionless face, he had something to do with it.

Throughout the whole ceremony, Luke couldn’t stop staring at you. It was eating him inside the fact that he knew you didn’t want this and yet you were still going through it. He couldn’t understand why. He is losing you right before his eyes and he couldn’t take that.

He knew that the moment you say ‘I do’ would be the moment his soul would die forever.

“Luke?”

He knew something was wrong. He knew it the moment he parked the car in a freaking church and your eyes filled with tears just confirmed it to him.

“Luke, are you okay?” Michael whispered once again, concerned about the white knuckles on his best friend’s fists.

He loves you. He loves you so fucking much and he can’t let you do this.

He won’t let you do this.

“If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace"

“Fuck it,” Luke said before standing up.

In one second, all eyes were on him. He could feel the stares of strangers, the judgy whispers of the families, and even the shit-eating grins from his best friends sitting beside him. But all his attention was on you. On you and your relieved face.

“I object to this union,” He said in a firm voice that overshadowed the murmurs, leaving everyone completely quiet.

He could see your eyes clouding with tears and the way your lips seemed to be saying his name in one breath. That was all he needed to keep going.

Luke took a few steps to the side, walking until he ended up in the middle of the aisle, looking at you and only you.

“Y/N, I love you,” He said, earning a few gasps from the public “I love you since the day I met you, the day I first asked you to be mine, and even on the day I lost you. I was an idiot who didn’t know how to take care of the magic we created and decided that it was best to let it go before it went out of hand. But you, you always believed in magic; you always believed in me and, Y/N that’s why I’m here telling you that I am still in love with you. And that you are making a big mistake here, just like I did when I lost you. But we are still on time to make everything right.

This, however, is not right and you know it. Where are you in all of this? Do they know your favorite flowers or that your favorite song includes a swear word? Do they know the way you take your coffee or your favorite colors? Do they know how much you love to dance, especially when no one is watching?

I know you, baby. I know you enough to say with certainty that this is not what you wanted. I know how much you love rain and how you wish time would stop every time you take a shower so it could last longer. I know that you cry during every movie, even if they have a happy ending because you always believed in them. I know you never want to break someone’s heart so you are willing to take the hurt as long as the other person is okay. I know that my biggest regret is losing you, cause you are the only thing I got right in my life.

You are life, fire, spark, patience, and love. You are the kindest person on earth and you deserve so much more than this world could give. No one deserves you, darling but I would spend the rest of my days trying to.

I’m in love with you Y/N L/N. Please, don’t- don’t marry him”

Luke’s eyes were watery as he swallowed down a sob on the last part of his speech. His eyes never left yours for a second as his body visibly shook with anxiety and fear, waiting for your answer.

You, on the other hand, were smiling through the tears “I love you too, Luke” You said loud enough for all to hear, and Luke felt like he could breathe again, a smile growing wide as he let a few tears roll down his eyes.

You ran down the aisle to his arms, fully sinking into them as you wrapped your arms around his waist. Luke’s chuckle reverberated through his chest as he picked you up and spun you around in your wedding dress, finally putting you down and looking right into your eyes, now clouded with happy tears.

“I told you you were going to look beautiful in white”

He kissed you with all the love he had in his heart. It was honest, pure, and filled with happiness as the two lovers finally reunite, making the entire church erupted in cheers.

The groom, however, didn't share that excitement. He was fuming red as he started walking towards Luke with his groomsmen, calling you derogatory names as he was ready to start a fight.

“Oh, fuck no” Said Calum, walking down to the middle of the aisle along side Ashton and Michael, creating a safe distance between the two of you and the fight that was about to start. Phillip was not happy, but before he could give the first punch Calum’s fist was already on his face, making him tumble back with a bloody nose “Take that horse lover!”

All hell broke loose in the middle of church as punches were thrown carelessly. The three Australians seemed to be winning the fight with ease, beating the asses of your now ex-fiancé and his friends.

The public was too distracted by the fight to notice how you walked away from the aisle as you cheered on your friends to kick their kneecaps. Luke took your hand and pulled you towards him, still laughing as he began tugging on it for you to follow, and so you did.

You ran as fast as you could, leaving everyone behind without a second thought. The only thing in your mind being the love you had for each other and how you won’t take it for granted this time.

“I love you,” He said as you reached the car, placing his hands at the side of your waist and leaning in for a kiss filled with adrenaline “I fucking love you, Y/N”

You wrapped your hands around his neck and kissed him back with all the love you kept from him during all these years “I love you too, Luke. We are meant for forever”

“Forever and beyond”

It was a crazy sight from every point of view. The man with the messy hair and the girl in a wedding dress kissing in the middle of a church parking lot while the guests all peered from the entrance of the building, four of them bleeding through their nose with tears in their black eyes, and three of them with their clothes all messed up and sweaty, smiling triumphantly as they watched their friends live their love again.

With one last kiss, Luke helped you get inside the car and he quickly got to the other side, starting the engine just in time to hear the bells chime. Marking the start of your real happily ever after with the love of your life.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @sarcasticallywitty15 @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @myloverboyash

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goldentournesol · 4 years

Text

All That Matters

*gif originally posted by @heat-waveee *

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

The one where Reader doesn’t visit Spencer in prison.

Length: 3.0k

A/N: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 FINALE AND BEGINNING OF SEASON 13!

Part 2: Here For You

masterlist

Spencer’s absence was felt in every aspect of her life.The bullpen wasn’t the same without him, her apartment, although they lived separately, wasn’t the same without him, even the jet wasn’t the same. She was so used to looking over and seeing his tall frame sprawled over that beige couch that she found herself glancing over out of habit just to find someone else there. It was just as disappointing every time. Her heart ached for him. It ached because she knew that there was nothing more she could do to help him or ease the pain he felt as he was being tortured in prison and it took a huge toll on her mental health. Everyone else had visited him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Hey, Spence.” JJ said tearfully as soon as he took a seat across from her in the visitation room.

“Hey, is everything okay? It’s not my mom, is it?” He hurriedly asked with slight panic.

“No, no, she’s fine. Y/N and I saw her yesterday, she asked about you.” She nodded, smiling in an attempt to reassure him. He mirrored her expression with relief when she told him his mother thought he was at the beach. A short silence ensued.

“How are you doing?” JJ asked, as sympathetically as possible. Spencer fought back tears.

“I’m okay. I’m, uh, really happy to see you.” He admitted, even though he knew it probably wasn’t a good idea she was visiting. However, she reminded him of the promise she made him the last time she saw him. She promised she’d never leave him alone.

“How’s…” he paused with a swallow, “Y/N doing?” The question came out tentatively, his facial expression displaying something between a grimace and a hopeful look. The last time he’d seen Y/N in the courtroom, she was in a silent fit of tears.

“She’s...fine.” JJ lied. Spencer raised his eyebrows questioningly. It didn’t take a profiler to know that that was a straight up lie. “Alright, she’s not doing very well. I just didn’t want to tell you that because I knew you would worry about it and I don’t think you need any more of that.” She gestured around. Spencer heaved a sigh. He expected her response, he just didn’t want to hear it.

Later that day, JJ found Y/N at her desk, nose deep in a file. Her eyes were frantic as they raced through the words on the page, hoping to find something useful. She had thrown herself into the case files, the Spencer-related and the non-Spencer-related. When she wasn’t occupied with the work, her mind would wander over to Spencer, which would send her into a whirlwind of panic, guilt, and rage.

Panic because she didn’t want to imagine what he was going through, alone, scared, hopeless--.

Guilt because she hadn’t visited him yet, she just couldn’t bring herself to see him. Not when she couldn’t wrap her arms around him, not when she couldn’t kiss him, or hold his hand.

Rage because time was moving so slowly without him and they weren’t any closer to getting him out.

She hadn’t heard JJ come up from behind her and rest a hand on her shoulder. She yelped out in response, having been totally focused on the file.

“Woah, sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” JJ said as she was met with Y/N’s red rimmed eyes.

“It’s alright.” Y/N muttered softly.

“Y/N, when was the last time you took a break? Or got some sleep?” JJ asked, noticing the constant nervous tapping on her thigh.

“A break? I can’t--I can’t take a break, JJ!” She uncharacteristically snapped, standing from her seat. JJ took a step back at her sudden outburst, her friend’s eyes aflame.

“How am I supposed to take a break when he’s in there, probably terrified out of his mind?! How do you think he would feel if he knew I was sipping on some tea or...or styling my hair instead of helping him get out of there?” She spat, not even caring that she was gaining attention from people around her. She didn’t know that this was the guilt taking over and speaking for her, but JJ knew.

“He asked about you today...again.” She stated coolly, seeing Y/N’s angry expression soften immediately. She averted her gaze quickly, heart wrenching in her chest. She grabbed some files and made a move to leave, probably to shed some self-wallowing tears, but JJ stopped her by grabbing her arm gently.

“We’re going to get him out of there, I promise. But we need you on board with us. I suggest you go home and get some rest. This won’t be solved overnight.” JJ assured her with a determined voice. Y/N pulled her arm out of her friend’s grip and made a beeline for the exit.

It’s not like she didn’t want to see him, of course she wanted to see him. She wanted to see him more than anything, but she wouldn’t stop. She wouldn’t rest until she caught the son of bitch who put him in there. Spencer wanted nothing more than to see her face and hear her voice.

At first, he genuinely couldn’t blame her for not wanting to visit, but as matters outside the prison began to worsen, the matters inside were on another level. Then, hope began to elude him. He stopped hoping to see her, stopped hoping for a future. Spencer struggled to see his future as anything other than void and bleak as the four walls of his cell consumed him every night. He tried to file away any resentment he felt for her, he even stopped asking JJ about her. Whether or not she chose to share anything about his girlfriend was completely her choice. It had become too painful for him to think about her, let alone talk about her.

And in the beginning, he was thankful for his eidetic memory because it allowed him to replay their conversations and memories on a loop. But now, the memories mocked him and kept him up at night. She became a part of his past life and he didn’t know whether his new life after prison could accommodate her.

What if they never solved the case? What if he had to spend the entirety of the 25 years in prison? Would she come see him then? At what point would she move on from him? Would she even bother showing up to break up with him? Or would he eventually have to learn from JJ that Y/N found a new lover as she mistakenly mentions her name in conversation?

This is ridiculous. She loves him. He knows that.

Right?

Curse the intricate inner workings of his brain. It never ceased. He shouldn’t be thinking this way. But pulling himself out of the darkest place he’d ever been was proving to be increasingly difficult.

Rage filled him as he learned of his mother’s abduction. He didn’t know why he expected Y/N to come take him home when he’d been released instead of JJ. He shouldn’t have done that. He also shouldn’t have felt disappointed when he saw Penelope all by herself right outside the prison doors.

But he did.

No one mentioned her on the way back to the headquarters, but she invaded his mind anyway. He didn’t have the time or the energy to be thinking of her, he needed to find his mother.

She had been eagerly awaiting his arrival in the bullpen with the rest of the team. She grinned for the first time in months as she saw his tall figure appear through the glass doors. She watched as Rossi grabbed Spencer’s face and kissed his cheeks before pulling him into a bear hug. She watched Emily stroked his hair and kissed his head. Even Matt threw his arms around Spencer. Tears fell as she watched the scene unfold across the room from her desk.

Spencer’s entire attitude shifted as his eyes finally landed on her. His smile dissipated, his shoulders were pushed back, and his eyes, his kind, soulful eyes were cold as they bore into her wet ones. She felt a shiver race its way down her spine. The air in the room shifted. It was eerily quiet, everyone waiting for the fallout. But Spencer stood still and silent, neither of them making the first move. There was so much left unsaid between them.

“Let’s go find my mother.” Spencer spoke as he averted his gaze from her and made his way to the conference room.

A silent sob wracked through her body as she fell back into her chair, her fingers gripping at her roots in frustration. Penelope rushed to her quickly and tried to console her, the rest of the team already in the conference room discussing the case.

“Go help the team, I’ll have Emily brief me later.” Y/N said, taking a deep, shaky breath as she pried Penelope off of her frame. Penelope reluctantly nodded and made her way into the conference room. Spencer’s expression was stone cold and indecipherable as he watched Y/N scurry off into the direction of the bathrooms through the window.

Hours later, they had managed to retrieve Diana after learning that Cat Adams was in fact impersonating Mr. Scratch along with some help from Lindsey Vaughn. They were now doing the best they could to track down the real Mr. Scratch, but the team had been caught in a horrific car accident, which led to Emily’s abduction. Spencer was currently at home with his mother. Y/N, Penelope, and Matt hadn’t gone with the rest of the team. Y/N had been too shaken up to go out into the field.

“Y/N, get Spencer and meet us at the hospital! Rossi’s refusing treatment until he talks to you two!” Matt yelled as he and Penelope raced to the hospital. Y/N nodded and called Spencer. Her name was the last he wanted to see on his phone, but he picked up anyway. He almost didn’t.

“Spencer! There’s been a terrible accident, Emily’s been taken by Scratch, I’m picking you up now! Rossi’s refusing treatment! I’ll explain everything on the way to the hospital.” She spoke frantically into the phone, speeding off into the direction of his apartment. He hadn’t even had time to reply before she hung up. Minutes later, he got into the car and noticed her panicked state.

“Are you okay to drive?” He asked, immediately noticing her rapid breathing, wide eyes, and white knuckles from gripping the wheel tightly. She met his eyes, shaking her head. Spencer saw the tears and switched places with her, driving to the hospital. He also noticed how she failed to manage her breathing.

“Hey, hey. Try to match my breath.” He breathed in and out slowly. She shook her head in disbelief, hating the fact that this was their first encounter. He was still the caring man she fell in love with, even though she knew he probably hated her guts right then. Her breathing evened itself out and she fiddled with her fingers.

“I’m good, I’m good.” She muttered, mostly to herself, “Spencer, I-” she began but he cut her off harshly.

“Not now, Y/N.” He spat as he rolled into the hospital, searching for JJ and Rossi. Y/N’s heart wrenched as he ran to JJ’s side, treating her with the tenderness she craved. She found Rossi and ran to him quickly.

“Where’s Spencer? Get Spencer.” He uttered, obviously in pain. Y/N brought Spencer over.

“What’s going on?” He asked, walking into the room.

“Shut up and listen.” Rossi demanded, eyes shifting between Y/N and Spencer, landing on Y/N as he spoke, “First, you, go through my pants pockets and find my keys. Second, you’re back on the team.” He referred to Spencer.

“Not sure I should be. Has the director approved that?” He asked.

“I’m making the calls now. I’ll take the heat. You’re back on the team.” He panted.

“I’ve got the keys.” Y/N said, holding them.

“There’s a little one there to a file cabinet in my office. Inside, there’s Chicago Bears season tickets. When you get them, call Matt Simmons. I promised him those tickets.” He seemed adamant.

“Rossi, did they give you something to make you loopy?” Y/N asked.

“I’ll get the doctor, we’ll get him into surgery.” Spencer stated and made a move to leave.

“Just shut up and listen.” He insisted, “Emily is missing. Stephen is dead. As for you two ass clowns, you’ll do me the courtesy of following my orders. And for the love of God, work through whatever it is you two are going through and then I’ll go into surgery.”

She and Spencer nodded as they left the room. “This has nothing to do with season tickets.” She stated and he agreed.

“Ass clowns?” Spencer muttered confusedly and she repressed a giggle.

They had been so caught up in the urgency of the case that they hadn’t found the time to talk, but Y/N was glad that Spencer was at least conversing with her, even if it was strictly about the case. With Emily now found and Scratch finally dead, they learned to breathe again. Y/N offered to drive Spencer home from Stephen’s funeral, seeing how morose he seemed. He reluctantly agreed and got into the car.

“I know you don’t want to, but we really have to talk.” She said softly, afraid that if she spoke too loud, he’d either snap or break. It was unclear which was more likely to happen.

“Now’s not really the best time, Y/N.” He spoke defeatedly, his hands running over his face and digging into the sockets of his eyes.

“It’ll never be the right time, Spencer.” She pushed, “I missed you.”

He laughed crudely, almost mocking her, “Oh, you missed me?”

“Yes, I missed you. Of course I missed you. I’m sorry I didn’t-”

“Sorry?!” He practically screeched, turning to face her. Her jaw clenched in reaction as she focused on driving.

“You’re sorry for what exactly? For not coming to visit me? For not bothering to write me any letters? For practically pretending like I didn’t exist? Do you have any idea how often I hoped to see you? Do you have any idea what it feels like to be disappointed to see one of my best friends because I was hoping it was you? I hated myself for it, but it happened. How could you, Y/N?!” He seethed, voice uncharacteristically booming through the small space between them. It was laced with hurt and betrayal. She abruptly pulled the car over on the side of the road and turned to look at him.

“How could you forget about me like that?” Spencer’s voice was small and shaky, tears threatening to spill.

Her own tears found their way down her cheeks as she stared at his heartbroken face, “Forget about you? I could never forget about you, Spencer.” She sniffled softly.

“You were all I could think about. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I’m pretty sure I developed an ulcer from the stress, by the way. I didn’t visit because…” she swallowed, pausing to blow her nose, “because I was angry. I was so angry, Spencer. Not at you, of course. At the situation. It was unfair to you and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I know no amount of apologies will undo it, but I couldn’t handle it. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to handle seeing you in there and not be able to hold you or kiss you or...or touch you.” She paused again to blow her nose.

Her words were disguised by the sobs, but Spencer managed to comprehend them. “It would have been too painful for me, I’m sorry. I was too weak and too selfish. You deserved so much better than that, I know.”

Spencer’s heart ached to see her cry, but he was so upset that he didn’t know if he could forgive her just yet. His throat got that familiar feeling of being so tight that he couldn’t speak. He just shook his head and rubbed at his eyes, turning away from her.

“Just take me home.” He whispered and she nodded, pulling herself together. Spencer occupied himself with a loose thread on his clothes, the soft hum of the engine was the only thing filling the silence between them.

She pulled up in front of his apartment complex and he was about to step out of the car when she reached for his arm, stopping him. She drew her hand back immediately, realizing that that was the first time they made physical contact since he got back. She hoped she wasn’t overstepping. He stared at her curiously at both reaching for him and drawing back.

“Spence, I understand if you want to end things. I just...I love you. I never stopped loving you and I never will.” She reminded him and he nodded, the tenderness she’d grown so used to returning to his eyes.

“I love you, too.” He spoke quietly, offering her a tight smile that obviously hid a lot of pain.

She watched as he got out of the car and disappeared inside the building. He hadn’t confirmed nor denied that he wanted to end things with her and she didn’t know if she should be relieved at that. All she did know though was hearing those four words from Spencer again breathed a new life into her lungs.

He still loves her.

That’s all that matters.

Part 2

#spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid masterlist #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid one shot

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rainydayhogwartsimagines · 4 years

Text

Falling in love with Draco as A Gryffindor (Draco x reader)

Side note: HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

You were a firey little thing, you.

Draco noticed you when you went to go get something from the cart

And oh boy he fell hard

He sat there in that great hall "Please be Slytherin please be--" "GRYFFINDOR!" "oh come on."

You ended up spending a lot of time with Fred and George, those two were practically your best friends.

Draco noticed you, always seeing that smile on your face as you talked to Hermoine.

He would usually find Hermione with you.

She would be trying to make you study and you'd be doodling or doing origami instead.

Draco would smile to himself as he would hear your giggles from Hermione's frustration.

Course he'd never admit that. God no.

He was always a class A dick to you and the trio

Then there was the "TROLLLLL IN THE DUNGEEEOONNN"

And you were forced to sit in your common room with the Slytherins.

"Bet one of the Slytherin kids let it in as a joke." Fred yawned.

You shook your head and leaned to him

"There's no way, none of them have the brain cells for that." You said making both of the twins snicker

Still though, something felt off. Really off.

"Hey wait a minute... Where's Harry and Ron-- Where's Hermione!?" You asked making the entire common room silent.

Mcgonagall was shocked when she was made aware of the situation.

Course when they all came back you started asking questions like "So you took down a troll... How do you feel besides absolutely epic?"

Christmas rolled around and you stayed with Fred, George, Ron and Harry

Molly made you a sweater and you usually wore it if you were cold.

Draco didn't go home for some reason and you took notice.

"Yo. Draco." You said walking over. "Oh God, what do you want?" He asked.

You rolled your eyes. "I wanted to say Merry Christmas. Here." You said handing him a paper crane.

He took it and stared at it for a while as you walked away.

"Y/n." He called. You rose a brow.

"merry Christmas." He said making you smile.

His heart almost beat out his damn chest and he quickly turned back around.

He found a note though on it's wing

"you should try smiling once in a while, I've seen you do it and it's nice."

Draco turned back around and you gave a wave with a laugh.

He shook his head... But he smiled.

And that's when your heart went "BAM. YOU LIKE THIS BOY NOW."

When the school year ended you walked over to Draco.

"Hey. Draco." You said making him turn around.

"What L/n?" He asked. "Write to me sometime. I'm usually bored over the summer." You said giving him your address.

He blinked a few times as you walked away.

Well he actually did. His letters at first were more aggressive

"Why in the world would you give me your address?!"

"Seriously why?"

Then over time as you wrote back he actually became... Likable.

He actually formed inside jokes with you and was actually... Friendly

The week before school you both had a much needed conversation though

"So I take it I'm going to be ignored when I say hello to you?"

"Why would you assume that?"

"Because a Gryffindor fraternizing with a Slytherin? Isn't that... Beneath you?"

"You're my friend Y/n I really don't care."

So when he saw you in Diagon Alley you said hi and he gave you this "DON'T COMMUNICATE WITH ME" stare making you confused

That's when you saw his father and was like "Oooohhh. He's terrifying!"

What you didn't realize is that you said that out loud

And you immediately had to duck behind Fred who was walking by.

"Hey Y/n what are you--" "SHHH. YOU DON'T SEE ME!"

He looked at Lucius malfoy and then you and nodded.

"Gotcha." He nodded before George stood in the way of Lucius' view.

"So what did you do?" Fred asked.

"Accidentally looked at him and said 'oh he's terrifying!' out loud." You mumbled.

Fred laughed and George snorted.

When he left you sighed with so much relief before you felt someone tap your shoulder.

"Imsorry-- Draco! Hi!" You said panicked.

He rolled his eyes with a chuckled. "I wanted to make sure that was you. Father has a problem with me talking to Gryffindors." He said.

"Ohhh." You nodded before Fred turned around. "You two are getting along? Damn I must've drank something strange this morning" he said making you shake your head.

"I have to go, will you sit on the train with me?" He asked. "Yeah sure!" You nodded. He walked towards the door "Y/n." He said making you turn back around. "It's good to see you." He said sincerely.

Your face turned so red and George laughed. "Someone has a CRUSSHHH!" He said making you smack him. "Shut it!" You hushed.

You did sit with him on the train, laughing at some stupid joke.

Harry walked by and then froze.

"Are you... Actually--" "Harry join us!" You said.

"What!?" Both of the boys said. "Join us! We're having fun and you two need to get along, join us!" You said.

"But--" you shot them both death glares and some how some way you actually ended up having fun.

Harry could almost find Draco... Enjoyable!?

None of you had any idea on how bad this year would be

Your father's a wizard. Your mother... She isn't.

When the chamber of secrets opened oh boy...

Draco was a nervous wreck, every other class period he'd be walking you to it.

"Draco, really I'm fine-- We CAN SIGN UP FOR QUIDDITCH THIS YEAR!?"

So uhm... Funny story you ended up on the quidditch team.

You stood in for Harry when he couldn't play, which was a lot more common than expected

Honestly? You could give Harry a run for his money.

The only issue? Draco hated competing with you in a setting as brutal as that could be.

Didn't stop him from playing as hard as he did though.

Then that bitch Lavender decided to hex your broom.

"WOAH!" You said flying. Draco noticed you jolt and nearly fall. "SHIT!" you gasped as you nearly fell off it, seeing the golden glint beneath you. That's when you had a plan.

You let go.

You naturally hit the ground hard, you sprained your wrist

But then you held up that snitch and the crowd went WILD

Your wrist was fine within a week so you weren't worried.

Draco acted pissed but truth be told: he was happy you were okay.

Then it happened. You had studied with Hermoine until you two were booted from the library.

You forgot something and turned back, walking as fast as you could because to be honest, the castle kind of scared you at night.

You left a magnifying glass, you used it because of the fact that THE TEXT WAS TOO SMALL (seriously who can read that small?)

That's when you saw this reflection on the glass and you blacked out.

The next morning everyone found out about it, Draco was losing his shit and told Harry to "FIGURE THIS OUT! PLEASE!"

That was the first anyone had heard him say "please" and he was basically thrown into the investigation.

He was there for it all, Gilderoy being a complete MORON, Fawkes, the chamber-- Draco was there.

When you finally came to the first words out of your mouth was "BASILISK!"

Draco booked it to you when he found out you were awake and he hugged you.

"Woah woah woah-- what happened to you, you look like hell?" You asked.

"Found the chamber of secrets-- that's not important, you're awake!" He said.

"Yeah-- wait what?"

So you spent that summer at the Weasley's and my God was it fun

You, Fred and George had a blast together

Then came news that Sirius Black escaped from prison

Draco was panicked when he found out that he was possibly near hogwarts

Letter after letter he was basically begging you "Homeschool. Please. I almost went insane when you were attacked by a basilisk, now there's a convict on the loose"

To which you were like: "I'm not homeschooling, Draco I've got you, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George, I think I'll be fine!"

He found you in the leaky cauldron and while he was happy to see you he was also worried sick about you being here.

Everyone at Hogwarts was treating you like a child playing in traffic and it began to piss you off.

The only person treating you normally was Cedric after he found you kicking a tree.

"Woah there, that tree didn't hit you did it?" Cedric asked.

"What?" You asked confused.

"I'm genuinely paranoid about the plants on this property because of the whomping willow, did this tree attack you?" Cedric asked making you laugh.

"No no... I'm just angry that's all." You sighed.

"Really? Why?" Cedric asked.

"Well... Everyone's been treating me like a little kid because I was amongst the few who was petrified." You said.

"Ohhh." Cedric nodded.

He listened to you talk and he told you if you ever needed to get away from everything you were welcome to go to Hufflepuff's common room

Fun fact: Draco felt jealous for the first time

He saw you two hanging out by the lake and he just felt so jealous.

"What's with Draco?" Fred asked, noticing him being grouchy.

"he's been like that all day." Ron said.

"Probably because Y/n and Cedric started hanging out." Hermione said.

"What?" Everyone asked.

"I was walking by and heard them talking. She's tired of us basically treating her like she's a walking hazard. She has a point, we've been hard on her." Hermione agreed.

So they all eased up on it but Draco was still upset and wouldn't tell you why.

"Draco can you please just talk to me!?" You asked.

"I don't want to talk, I'm going to my room." He said.

You began to feel really hurt by this and then that damn lesson came along on Boggarts.

It got to you and it turned into Draco just... Leaving?

You stared at it for a while and Remus just handled it before you took off.

Draco thought that the boggart was just him so of course be was genuinely worried.

He went after you and found you having a meltdown.

"Y/n." He said kneeling to you.

"I'm sorry." You whimpered.

"I don't know what I did but I'm sorry Draco."

It was then that he realized what your boggart actually was.

You were afraid of him leaving you.

He never left your side again from that point on.

Draco began to sit at the Gryffindor table more and people of course took notice.

No one dared to comment on it though because uhm.

Draco could be scary when he wanted to be.

Course when he cried like a little bitch because Buckbeak attacked him that wasn't intimidating.

"I swear, you treat me like a child but you're the dumbass that just walked up to a Hippogriff!" You sighed.

"You're the one that managed to fall walking up the stairs. HOW DO YOU FALL WALKING UP THE STAIRS!?"

Madame Pomfrey had to listen to this argument the entire time

Hogsmeade was the best

You, the trio, Draco, Fred and George all having a blast

Snowball fights and butterbeer

Sitting around telling jokes

Then witnessing Harry have a break down because he found out Sirius was a friend of his parents'.

You all comforted him, fuck even Draco felt bad.

When you all got back to school you all agreed to stay in groups in case that bastard really was lurking around.

Then came Lucius going "Well that creature just tried to hurt my son so... Let's kill it"

You were PISSED.

You actually had to be pulled back and you were kicking and screaming.

That's when Hermione said "I have a time turner!" And you were like "Well shit why didn't you say something BEFORE I INSULTED MY BEST FRIEND'S DAD"

Draco went all protective mode and was like "Guys I don't think this is a good idea--"

And then he was dragged into this adventure too.

So You didn't expect Harry to produce a patronus

you didn't expect Remus to be housing a convict

You didn't expect Remus to be a werewolf

And you didn't expect that damn rat to be an actual PERSON

Your head was spinning and by the end of that night you felt like you were insane

"So... Never talk about this again?" You asked.

Everyone exchanged glances

"Agreed." They all said in unison.

Summer was again, really fun.

You spent it with the Weasley's and you helped Fred and George with their business

You were always writing to Draco in your free time

And uhm...

Sometimes Draco would sneak out and go to you guys.

Molly enjoyed having him over and promised not to say anything about him being there

Arthur and Molly both recognized that look whenever he'd look at you though

That was love.

Both of you would whisper things to each other and then laugh

Molly would smile to herself knowing damn well that you two liked each other.

When he left one day you were helping Molly with cleaning.

"So how long have you liked him?" Molly asked making you almost drop a plate.

"Wha- no-- I-- uhm-- That's absolutely crazy-- I--" you saw the "You're really going to lie?" Look on Arthur's face as he put down the paper. "... How'd you know?" You asked.

"It's quite obvious darling." Molly said.

"Well to everyone but the boy." Arthur said.

You both asked them not to say anything and they agreed

You all went to the world quidditch game and had to pretend to hate Draco.

Course he wasn't the biggest fan of Cedric being there with you

Course the group noticed the smiles and flirty glances from you two across the damn stadium.

When it ended you were hanging out with Ginny when Draco ran in.

"You all need to leave." He said out of breath.

"What's going on son?" Arthur asked.

"Death eaters, everywhere. They're scaring the locals-- it isn't good." He said.

"What about you!?" You asked.

"I'll be fine Y/n, go." Draco said.

You hesitated but he put a hand on your cheek and looked into your eyes.

"Go." He said.

You and the Weasleys booked it and got the fuck out of Dodge

You all made it back to the burrow and were exhausted.

Draco snuck out to you guys and you hugged him immediately after seeing him.

That's when it clicked for the rest of the crew that "Ohhh so she likes him likes him."

The school year began with talks of something weird going on

Then the cup was introduced and you just got this gut feeling something was wrong

Fred and George were hellbent on getting their names in that goblet though

Draco stood there next to you watching those two jackasses try to put their names in to the goblet

You were standing next to a statue and his elbow was resting above you as you both laughed as those two not only failed but were launched back and taken off by Madame Pomfrey.

You two laughed and then looked at each other and just... Something changed. Something in you just nearly fell apart looking at that boy and your words were just jumbled.

You two spent most of your free time together though, always laughing or you showing him how to do origami.

Then came finding out who was going to be in the trials

Fluer, Viktor, Cedric and Harry-- wait what

Ron got upset but you could tell this wasn't planned and was bad.

Harry accepted it though.

Hermione had a little buddy following her around though

Viktor.

Nice kid, really. But did he have to be here all the time!?

You finally just decided to start studying with Draco.

Then came one day where Cedric sat with you and Draco had to deal with it.

It became a regular thing.

Then the second trial came and you were the one Cedric had to retrieve

When he came back up you both were out of breath and soaked.

Draco ran over and helped you up.

"So there's a Yule ball coming up." Cedric said making you look up. "Yeah?" You asked, slightly shivering from the weather. Cedric noticed the "Don't you fucking dare" look on Draco's face.

"Would you like to go with Draco?" Cedric asked.

Draco opened his mouth for a threat but when he realized what Cedric actually said he just started blushing.

"Uhm... Sorry did you just ask... Me... To go with... Draco?" You asked.

"Yep." Cedric nodded.

"Did you two plan this out or something?" You asked.

"Yes." Cedric said.

Draco was still reeling. "Uhm... Y-Yeah we did." He lied.

"Then... Yeah sure." You nodded with a laugh.

And so Draco was spending even MORE time with you.

The dance class was so much fun to you

Plus, Draco you being close didn't hurt either.

SO MUCH FUN! RIGHT!?

You both danced with giggles and exchanging smiles.

The Yule ball finally happened and Draco was at a loss of words when you and Hermione both walked down together.

"Y/n... Wow." Was all the poor guy could muster.

You smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear

You two danced for a bit, smiling at each other

Then you two walked through the grounds and Draco gave you his coat.

You looked at him and something just took over

You kissed him.

You two started dating from that point on

Draco would walk you from class to class even if his classes were on the other side of the school

Everyone loved seeing you two so happy.

It was now a common occurrence to see you two in the library together

He'd be doing origami while you studied.

Draco loved seeing that focused look

Course he always made sure you weren't too stressed too

The two of you had no idea how bad the next few years would become

Part 2 coming soon

#draco fuckingmalfoy #draco imagine #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x y/n

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jarofstyles · 4 years

Text

Fan Club V

A/N: We’re sorry in advance for the tears shed whilst reading this part. It hurts. But it ends on a good note 🥺 - n + d

send feedback and requests here

masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: ANGST!!!, fluff ✨

word count: 8.5k

Damn. Kendall was stunning in real life, more elegant than Y/N was. But then again, Y/N was the one who got dicked down last night so she walked over to the door with confidence and wrapped her arms around Harry from behind.

“Everything alright, baby?” She asked, looking up at Kendall with the deadliest stare. She hurt him. A lot. How dare she show up unannounced and uninvited? Knowing full well Y/N was his girlfriend?

Harry wished that he could keep Y/N. He really did because she came to him at a time of rescue. Also, she was very cute when she was angry at someone else. He didn’t look forward to potentially being the reason for that anger after this.

“Hi, Kiska.” He murmured, kissing the top of her head. Kendall has shown up unannounced as she always did when she heard he was with someone else. After it was confirmed. She didn’t want Harry, but she didn’t want anyone else with him. It was a selfish and manipulative thing but he learned to expect no less. It was embarrassing to think he used to heavily adore her. He was such a good boyfriend to her, and she had laughed in his face. But now it seems she can’t handle the thought. If Kendall really cared about him, her feelings would be crushed right now. It was obvious the both of them had had a wild night of sex. Lipstick was still in his neck and his chest, and her hair was a mess. They both had hickies and she was wearing one of his shirts. More than obvious. “I was trying to figure that out. Kendall decided to stop by even though she knows she shouldn’t be here.”

Y/N looked Kendall up and down, her arms still firmly wrapped around Harry’s waist. She usually wasn’t one for confrontation, but Kendall made Harry uncomfortable and she wasn’t welcome so Y/N would do her best in asking her to leave as politely as possible whilst also telling her to fuck off.

“Oh? Sorry, I don’t think we’ve ever met. I’m Y/N, Harry’s girlfriend.” She said, pulling her arms away from him for a moment to shake her hand. “I’m sorry you had to make a trip all this way out here, but now really isn’t a good time.” Y/N spoke as a matter of factly, “tip for next time though, it’s invitation only.” Y/N didn’t mean to be such a snarky bitch, but she felt like she had to be to get the point across. She was the one that showed up to Harry’s door uninvited knowing he’s been seeing someone for four solid months. Y/N felt like she had the right to stick up for Harry, even if he wasn’t her real boyfriend.

Harry was thoroughly surprised with Y/N’s attitude. By god, it was hot as hell. Staking claim on territory, coming down in one of his shirts and covered in his marks. Their swollen lips also clued in to their very rated R results of the night prior.

“We haven’t met...” Kendall said a little surprised, a bit taken aback with her attitude.

Not many people gave the princess of reality tv attitude and it was refreshing for Harry to hear. Plus.. not many people stood up for Harry. And Y/N was doing so very easily. It said a ton about her character— which is why what would happen later would suck so fucking much.

“I just came by to catch up with Harry.” Kendall said, turning to Harry. “You’ve been ignoring my calls, Harry. I just wanted to talk. I know things ended bad...” She gave him a slight puppy face.

Y/N furrowed her brows at Kendall’s answer. Catch up with Harry huh? What was there to catch up about? She really thought she could stroll in here and win Harry over? Some nerve. What made it worse was that she had no regard for the fact that Y/N was standing right there, asking for another chance from him as if she was better than her. It technically wasn’t Y/N’s business at all, she shouldn’t really be commenting on what did and didn’t happen with Kendall and Harry, but she could tell Harry didn’t want her there and Y/N wanted to do her best to support Harry.

So she stayed quite, watching the interaction unfold before her eyes. Rubbing Harry’s side to show that she was there for him, maybe it would keep his feelings at bay.

“You can’t be serious, Kendall. My girlfriend is right here.” Harry said incredulously. The girl had some goddamn nerve, and Harry wasn’t here for it. “This is really inappropriate. I told you I didn’t want to talk. We have to see each other for things, but I’m not interested in a friendship. Let alone another chance at a relationship. Y/N respects me. Wouldn’t cheat.” A dig.

Kendall cheated on him? That was something Y/N and many of the fans didn’t know. She couldn’t believe it. Why would anyone ever cheat on Harry? Y/N had just had probably what was the best night of her life last night and Kendall had that at her disposal and just threw it away like that? Talk about a spoiled brat.

“Harry... come on, you know I’m sorry about that.” Kendall groaned. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. You need to get over it. It was a mistake.” It was like she was tired of apologizing but it couldn’t cross Harry's mind. “Listen. I don’t understand why you’re being so stubborn about this. I know that you say you’re happy but... are you? It was a mistake. I was bored because you were being boring. The whole thing was fun for a while but I had a little time of being bored so I stepped out and explored. But now I’m ready to try again.”

Harry was thrown over the edge. How dare she? How fucking dare she? His rage was boiling over. He was more so angry that he was doing this in front of Y/N. What if they’d been dating for real? And in Kendall’s kind, they were.

“I want you to stay away from me, Kendall. Stay away from both myself and Y/N. If I hear you talking about either of us I will sick my lawyers on you in mere seconds.” He was deadly serious. “I’d never cheat on anyone for being bored. You’re a spoiled brat, so out of touch with this world that it’s ridiculous.” His accent got thicker as he spoke to her, anger making it come out. “You wait until I’m with someone and you come to try and take me away. Don’t want me but can’t let anyone else have a chance. You're the worst type of person.”

Y/N couldn’t believe it, she really had just said she cheated because she was bored. What on earth kind of an excuse is that. Y/N wanted to speak, but Harry spoke first, his voice booming. She had always been scared of making him mad and this was why. Kendall was just a spoiled brat who had way too much time on her hands and had no regard for anyone’s feelings except her own. She did what she needed to do for herself and continued to do so. Even if it means coming all the way to England to make a point. Y/N stood back, still keeping her hand on Harry’s waist to keep him calm. She sensed that Kendall was about to say something else and Y/N cut her off, taking a step in front of Harry.

“I think it’s time you leave.” Y/N said bluntly and sternly. No way was she going to ruin her perfect lazy off day.

“I flew out here! I—”

“That’s too damn bad now, isn’t it? Say sorry to the earth for using that fucking jet and messing up the atmosphere.” Harry growled, stepping back with Y/N and closing the door harshly. He gently removed her hand, walking into the kitchen to grab his phone. He could feel Y/N behind him, but he didn’t look her way as he picked up the phone and spoke into it. “You need to make sure Kendall gets it through her head that we aren’t together and we never will be. I want her blacklisted from my shit.” He was so worked up and angry.

Y/N followed behind him, still keeping a distance because she wanted to make sure she respected his space. She didn’t know how he was when he was angry and if she knew anything about Aquarian’s it was best to leave them alone. She set her hand on him as he spoke on the phone, trying to gauge whether he wanted her there or not but didn’t get a clear response.

Fuck. This wasn’t a good situation. He had wanted to calmly talk to Y/N and explain to her that this wouldn’t work as more than just distant friends. Because what if he let her in like he had with Kendall? What if she got bored too? What if she was just excited with his life and the parties for now and then got tired? The fears came running to the forefront of his mind. He felt her hand on him again and turned to her, hanging up the phone. His face was still upset, and he desperately wanted to just hide his face in her chest and never leave. She stroked his hair rather nicely last night.

“I think I need to be alone for a while.” He spoke and it was hollow. And fuck, he was such a bastard because he saw her face fall with confusion as he stepped away from her trying to reach him again. “Listen I... last night was fun. But it can’t happen again. It shouldn’t. We need to stay as we were. You know? It’s just... I’m not good for you, Y/N. I’ve got a lot of issues and you don’t. You’ve got this great life and I’m here with everyone’s head up my ass and I don’t need that.” He swallowed thickly. He rested his hands on the kitchen island, looking down at his feet so he wouldn’t have to look at her. “I know that makes me a bastard. Maybe I am. It was good, but we can’t do anything else. You’re too nice. Too innocent for someone like me. You can’t handle this type of shit, and you shouldn’t have to.” He wasn’t aware that he was essentially making all the decisions for her. He was just terrified and needed her away. Even if it hurt him. “Who knows. You’ll probably get bored of all the glitz and glamor and get bored and want out too. Everyone fucking does. I’m just not it. You need someone calmer.” He huffed. “So yeah. It was fun but, I need to be alone for a little bit. I can see you when we do the bakery and other things, but we need to keep it to that.”

Y/N’s heart fell to her stomach. She felt heavy all of a sudden, like weights had been put on her shoulders and chest. Of course. Of course she couldn’t have it her way? Why would it ever go the way she wanted it to? No matter what she did. She poured her whole heart and soul into last night, meaning every word she said, and every action was intentional. And he just wrote it off as a bit of fun? It was then that she realized that Harry was no different from any man that she had ‘dated’, that he in fact fit in perfectly. It was the same lines every time, ‘you’re too innocent, you’re too nice, you deserve better than me’. It was like a record that just kept repeating in her life. To say the least it shattered her. It was her own fault to, assuming that just because of one incredible night that she could change him.... this wasn’t a fucking fanfic.

“Right. I understand.” Y/N spoke, her tone having changed significantly. She felt empty, numb. Being used by men was never fun. She stood there in shock for a while, surprised that he was that blunt with her after what had just happened with Kendall. As if he didn’t just experience the same hurt all over again. He had minimized her feelings, essentially made every choice for her as if she was a child who was incapable. Assumed that she would get bored, that she would leave. Presumed that she needed a specific type of someone because, fuck what she wants right? “You should really stop assuming things, Harry. Doesn’t do you any good.” She spoke, looking at him with an expression that was used to hide her hurt. Y/N was heart broken.

Y/N went back upstairs to find her dress and pack it into a bag, calling the cab service that Jeff said to use whenever she was at Harry’s house, for safety reasons. She was trying her hardest to hold back her tears, trying to make herself look like she wasn’t doing the most tragic walk of shame ever. Harry had prepared a bag of his clothes to take with her for PR purposes, and she found a pair of old gray trackies to put on as well. She rushed down stairs with all her things, barefoot even just so she could get in the car and leave. She had to go.

“Y/N...” Harry’s voice softened as he watched her run down the stairs. She ignored him though— and that’s what hurt. Suppose it served him well. Looking at her face, he could tell she was upset but she seemed more angry right now. Her tone of voice had had him a little shocked. He had expected some reaction, but this was a new side to her. He hated himself for bringing it like this but it was the better option for the long run. She would get tired of him just like Kendall did, or run out of reasons to keep seeing him like Camille. He was protecting the both of them.

Of course he didn’t see it as using her. He was a man, and even a man like Harry Styles was a bit stupid at times. He was genuinely thinking he was doing the best, but that tiny bit of him was crying out in agony as he watched her leave. She didn’t respond to his call of her name and it stung because, usually Y/N gave him these incredible smiles that had his stomach fluttering and making him weak knees, but instead she had a cold and angry look on her face as she walked out the door. After she left, he sat at his kitchen counter and stared at his phone. He was so conflicted. He couldn’t stop wondering if she was okay. If she was upset with him because she had feelings or because she wouldn’t get more out of him. He had a feeling that her actual emotions for him were just as much as his were but, he was still paralyzed by fear.

‘Home okay? H.’

read.

------

For the sake of Harry’s career and the contract, Y/N left his house smiling.

An actress she was. Just in case anyone had spotted her, she wanted people to think that they were okay. Even the driver that so kindly drove her home, but she was shattered. Her heart split into a million pieces and she really didn’t think she could bounce back from this. This hurt most of all. She stormed into her apartment, slamming the door behind her and once again rushed to her room the way she did the first time she ever met Harry and cried herself to sleep. This time however, Y/N didn’t debate on taking down all of her Harry and one direction merchandise down from her walls and drawers.

She found an empty box of hers, tears streaming down her face as she pulled off every single poster from her wall and folded it haphazardly. All her ticket stubs she had hanging on the walls, all the lanyards, the albums she had displayed. Even the bloody Harry Polaroid book. Everything went into that box.

Hearing him say those things hit hard. Harder than if those words came from any other boy, because for Y/N it was never acting. Y/N had been enamored by Harry for nearly a decade. Every look, every smile, every word, every touch, and every kiss… she meant it. Harry was the one that helped her grow her confidence as a young woman, the one who gave her comfort whenever a guy broke her heart. Harry was the beacon of hope in her life and always had been. Someone that represented everything that was good. She poured every ounce of love into him, everything she could muster, put herself on the line for four whole months. Hell, she didn’t even take the money they were meant to be giving her because she didn’t want it till the contract was over to ensure that she wasn’t doing this just for the money. Y/N loved him with every fiber of her being in a way that wasn’t romantic at all. And that rejection hurt more than anything else in the world.

She shoved the box to the side in her room, stripping out of the clothes she was in and showered to wash herself of the memories of last night. She didn’t want his cum on her body, didn’t want anything to do with him right now. But she did change into one of his sweaters and a fresh pair of panties, getting a fresh roll of toilet paper to accompany her as she cuddled into her sheets and let the tears flow fully free.

----

When Harry got a call from Jeff saying that this week’s events for the bakery and their planned date were cancelled, he knew he fucked up big time. Y/N had been so dedicated to it, he had originally thought it was because she wanted them to believe it. But now he was not so sure.

He had texted her a few times now and was extremely worried and upset because she hadn’t answered a single one. She had had her read receipts on at first, but turned them off— or she kept deleting them.

They’d been apologies. Begging her to talk to him. Asking if he could come and talk to her but she wasn’t damn answering and he was upset and infuriated. Harry hated not being able to know if she’s okay. Jeff was irritated at him because obviously he hurt her. He had given him the disappointed talk and told him to fix what he had done because she had been obviously upset on the phone.

‘Y/N... I’m sorry.’

‘Y/N, please talk to me. I really want to talk.”

‘Kiska, please. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be harsh.’

‘I didn’t mean to be.’

‘I just don’t want you to end up having your heart broken by me. I’m not worth it. I just want to talk to you in person. Or even here.’

‘I’m worried... are you okay?’

‘Y/N...’

----

It was hard for Y/N to get up in the mornings to work in the bakery and act like she hadn’t had her heart completely shattered. She tried to focus all her energy into making baked goods instead of the texts she was getting from Harry what seemed to be everyday since. She didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to hear what he had to say because she knew how Aquarian’s were. Knew that he would only dig himself into a deeper hole, effectively rubbing salt into the already existing wound. She needed time to heal, time to get over it.

The texts she had received today alone really struck a chord. She didn’t know why he kept apologizing as if it was his fault that he didn’t like her the way she had wanted him to. It was just sexual chemistry and any hopes of romance were all very much one sided. For a songwriter he was terrible with words.

Thursday night she locked up and headed home after a very long day. She felt sick to her stomach. She really hadn’t stopped crying since it happened. Tomorrow, she would have a day off to wallow, but for now she needed to get comfy and get some sleep. So that’s what she did. She pulled on one of his most iconic T—shirts, The Rolling Stones one, and cried herself to sleep.

----

Harry had decided after 5 days of her ignoring him, that he needed to go and see her. Luckily he had a key for her place.

He was losing sleep. Harry hadn't been affected like this before by anyone else. Y/N’s absence felt like a hollow cavity in his chest. All he wanted was that night back. When she was curled up into his body and he was kissing her every so often. It was more than just sexual. He realized then that he liked her a lot. A lot more than he had liked other girls and that's part of why he pushed her away. Even when he was being cold, he had observed how kind and soft she was. Generous to anyone, calming, talented. Even with flour on her eyebrows from the cookies and when she got his black trousers messy with icing he didn’t notice on her apron. He loved it. He loved how free he felt around her, even with the restraints of the fear he had.

Jeff has told him to pull his pants on and apologize but it had been hard when she didn’t answer him. He wanted to just go to her and tell her that he was pulling his head out of his ass. Needed to explain the fears to her that he had and trust in her. She hadn’t done anything, hadn't asked for a single thing, hadn't asked him for shout outs or to post her on Instagram without it being prompted by Jeff.

So that’s how he found himself at her apartment. He had knocked and she didn’t answer— and it was dealt by quiet, besides the low buzz of a tv. He knew from before that she did sleep with a tv on to drown out other noises— she did that when she napped at his house.

“Y/N?” He called, opening the door with his key, putting it on the entry table. “Angel?” He couldn’t see her in the kitchen or living area, so he took a step towards her room. Harry had never been in her apartment before, he had only ever been outside the building waiting in a car that came to pick her up.

Part of the reason Y/N kept him from coming over was how small her apartment was, but also because she had tons of things that she simply couldn’t hide. Y/N’s entire flat looked like the flat of a fan. It was a cute Pinterest looking flat, decorated nicely and sprinkled with little things only fans would recognize among other things she was interested in. Harry would surely notice though, so they often went to his house. Her room looked lived in, not messy, but definitely lived in. She had some things scattered on the floor and on top of drawers out of place. Her closet doors were open, exposing some merch as well as a box full of One Direction and Harry Styles paraphernalia.

Harry found her lying in bed, curled up in a little ball. The worst part was that she was wearing his Rolling Stones shirt. Tear tracks down her face. He was completely and utterly upset just by seeing that. Who knew how many days she had cried? It made his stomach unsettled. However something in her closet caught his eye. It was a pink jumper. He swore his stomach dropped. There was something on the sleeve and he tried to convince himself that it was just random, a different jumper that happened to have embroidered sleeve. But as he got closer his stomach fell further as he saw that it had ‘treat people with kindness’ embroidered one the sleeve. His name in a bold font on the breast front.

Panicking slightly, he moved the next one which was black— only to feel a little sick. It was his rainbow treat people with kindness one. Stepping closer, he kicked a box accidentally— but his body went cold as he looked down. Falling down to his knees, he began to ramble through it. On top was not one, but two tour tee shirts of his. One for New York, one for London. She had gone to two of his shows. But the real kicker was her One Direction shirts. That made him tear up. They looked worn. Not new. She didn’t just buy these.

Fuck. Y/N was a fan. A real one. One that had gone to multiple shows. And finding the ticket stubs just about broke him in half. It only worsened when he found a little notebook with his name scribbled all over it in hearts. That, that is what got him to let his tears fall. He had treated her like shit. And obviously, she was a fan. He hadn’t known. He had no clue that Y/N was a fan of him, but it didn’t negate the fact he had been awful. No, it made it even worse. She had gone to his shows, and telling by the photos printed up she had gotten floor seats. Paid money to see him multiple times.

Y/N was in fact a big fan. In her nearly 10 years of following Harry and One Direction, she had never stalked them, had never tweeted hate at them or anyone involved in that world. Y/N had had her fan accounts for a long long time, racking up about 25k tweets and 51k reblogs and that didn’t even include her writing. There was only so much Y/N could do to show her support, but she made sure she did everything she could. When Jeff reached out to her with this deal, Y/N took it because she knew if not her, it would be someone else and she wouldn’t trust anyone else. Y/N knew she was fit for the job, she knew the fans inside and out, she knew how to keep a level mind and not lash out whenever she was hurt. She knew she would be helping so many fans see that they too were capable of living their dreams. Y/N had projected a lot of her insecurities onto being a fan of Harry. It was a little escape where she could insert herself into a story or a dream and suddenly feel loved and appreciated for who she really was. Meeting Harry in real life only amplified those feelings. Y/N knew she couldn’t be upset with him if he didn’t end up being the way she imagined him to be because he was human, the only thing she ever really wanted from Harry was for him to see her for who she was and accept her.

Harry was aching. How hadn’t he known she was a fan? If he had, it would have changed everything. He would have gone into it perhaps with a better mindset. This wasn’t someone out to hurt him. It was someone who had spent money and loved him enough to write his name on old notebooks and wear his fucking face around. She wasn’t out to get him. It was all his fault, too. He hadn’t read the contract. He was sure it had to have mentioned it, but he didn’t know. He knew that Y/N was very happy to be doing what they were, but he didn’t know why. And now he did, and he felt like a complete and utter jackass. So much that he felt like he was going to be sick.

He spent a good half an hour looking at things. Ticket stubs and notebooks, the drafts of letters she wrote to him but never got to give him, the books they put out, all the perfume bottles, the damn one direction keychain from 2011. She even had his doll. And his heart felt like it was stomped all over and shattered. He never could have imagined how she felt.

Standing up, he sniffled and came to sit next to her. At the edge of the bed, he moved his hand and stroked over the side of her face, cursing himself for the tear stains.

You would have thought all the rustling through the things would have woken Y/N up, but she was out like a light. She was so tired both physically and emotionally that she legitimately knocked out. She was also quite the heavy sleeper anyway, usually ignoring sounds and just going back to sleep. Touches however, were a different story. Y/N stirred a bit when she felt someone touching her face, her brows furrowed in confusion. At first she thought it might have been Katya, but it felt too familiar and too warm. Her eyes fluttered open, sleepily looking over Harry’s expression.

He was crying? Why was he crying? Was everything okay?

“Harry?” She asked, her voice thick with sleep. “What’s wrong?” Her mind immediately going to the worst possible scenario. She thought maybe something happened, maybe he needed someone to support him so he came to her.

“Y/N... why didn’t you tell me?” Harry’s voice was raspy. Harry’s eyes turned brighter green when he cried, but he felt like his whole world was crashing down. He hated the idea that he could have possibly hurt a fan, and he had hurt her deeply. “I just... you never mentioned anything that let me know. I was... fuck, I don’t even know what to say. I feel sick that I hurt you like that.” He looked at her, and it was made even worse when she had immediately asked him what was wrong with such concern. Y/N was too good, but he wanted to be good enough for her.

Y/N’s brows furrowed with confusion, sitting up properly with him. “Told you what I don't—” Y/N trailed off, having noticed her closet was open wider and the box of memorabilia had been taken out. So he knew now. Did that change anything? Certainly didn’t take away how hurt she felt.

“God. I feel like an idiot. I didn’t know you were a fan. Let alone that long— I’m sick to my stomach. I can’t believe I was like that to you. I can’t even formulate sentences to tell you how bad I feel about it. You’re just... you’ve been a fan for how long?”

Y/N listened as he rambled on, her brows still furrowed in confusion because it was really quite simple why she didn’t tell him. In her mind it made complete sense. She had met him and saw how apprehensive he was, how he didn’t really want to speak with her and made the decision that she’d keep that a secret. He didn’t even give her a chance to tell him anyway.

“9 years next week..” Y/N told him, knowing the exact date she had become a fan. How could she ever forget? It changed her whole life. Harry seemed so hurt by this, hurt that he treated her the way he did because she was a fan. Though she understood where he was coming from, he should feel this kind of remorse treating anyone like that. After all, he always preached about treating people with kindness and though he had been kind to her at times, he ultimately broke her heart.

9 fucking years. 9 years that Y/N had liked him and he had treated her this badly. “Fuck. Fuck me, I can’t…” Harry felt his bottom lip tremble, burying his face in his hands. “Y/N, you’ve got to understand that I thought I was doing the right thing. But I can’t... I knew I made a mistake as soon as you looked at me.” He felt his throat clench and he had to swallow again to keep himself from choking on his words. “I’m scared.” He whispered. “I owe you an apology, and an explanation. Because I never, ever intended to make you feel so badly. When we first met to now. It’s all rooted in my stupid fear and it isn’t an excuse nor a reason you should forgive me but...” He sighed heavily as he shifted to face her again.

“I am used to people using me. The last 2 times I did this, both of them faked liking me even out of the time we were supposed to be out and about. Camille and Kendall. Camille had no interest but liked to play hours with me. Liked my gifts, but at the end of the contract, she grabbed her shit and said that it wasn’t ever real and she was method acting, that I was a bit annoying and needy and needed to stop. And then Kendall... She acted like we were together. Would stay over and stuff, planned stuff for later. Liked to show off with me. And then she cheated and got annoyed when I didn’t want to go out every single night. I was crushed because I had really learned to like a side of her that was completely fake and it was awful.” It had hit him hard and he knew that. “I didn’t read the contract because I had decided beforehand I’d just do it and keep a distance. And then you came along and fucking charmed the pants off of me and made me want you so badly all the time. I had such a hard time keeping my distance.”

Y/N heard the pain in his voice, her face softening into a more gentle and sad expression. Tears were forming in Y/N’s eyes as he explained, hating that he had ever even for a second thought she would be that cruel.

“So Y-you genuinely thought I could do that to you?” She wondered feeling like she was about to cry all over again. “Harry, you didn’t even give me a chance to tell you, you just—” Y/N croaked, a sob ripping through her causing her to shake her head and turn away from him slightly because she didn’t want him to see her ugly cry. “I-I spent four whole months trying to get you to let me in... just a little bit so that maybe— maybe you’d trust me and like me enough to be my f-friend.” Y/N struggled to speak when she cried but she was trying her damn best, “and I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but then we went out I had the most incredible night of my life... t-thought maybe you had too, thought that maybe you’d finally let me in and t-that we could start over and you just—” Another sob escaped her, she really couldn’t stop.

Harry hadn’t thought he could hurt worse. But then Y/N started to sob and he felt his own body shrivel you and want to die. He had done this. It was his fault and there was almost nothing he could do to fix it.

“Baby... please, I’m so sorry.” He nearly whimpered, gathering her into his lap and holding her tight. “I’m a dick. I just... I liked you a lot. And I was scared that you’d be such a good person and then turn into one of them and I couldn’t handle that from you. I’ve cared about you a lot more and I couldn’t figure out why. You just were so good to me and I didn’t think I deserved that so it must have been fake.” He didn’t deserve her anyways. “It was one of the best nights of my life too. I slept all night. Do you know how rare that is? You had me comfortable enough to sleep and I... I can’t even explain to you.” He hiccuped slightly, definitely crying too. “It’s been so scary for me. But I can’t imagine how much it hurt you and I want to be sick thinking about how you’ve just been trying to be my friend and be kind to me and I just... started falling and freaked out.”

Y/N cuddled into his chest, her hands latching on to his shirt and gripping it tight. She hoped he understood what he had done, hoped that she had done enough to explain just how terrible he made her feel. She knew there wasn’t much he could do to fix it now that the deed has been done, so he’d have to make it up to her in time. She pulled back from his chest when he told her he had actually slept that night, looking at him with big eyes.

“Y-you did?” Y/N asked in a hushed tone, not yet trusting her voice. He was crying yet again, her heart aching at the sight. Her hands lifted up to wipe the tears off his cheeks, gently petting some of his hair back to soothe him. Y/N didn’t say much for a while, there was sort of just this unspoken understanding that she was trying to calm him and he was trying to calm her. She moved her arms to hug him properly and rubbed his back.

“Yeah. I have a lot of problems sleeping. F-Falling asleep and staying asleep.” He admitted. He lifted his own hand too, cautious with his touch for her. His Y/N deserved more than this. He would do anything he possibly could if it meant making it up to her. “Y/N... I don’t deserve your forgiveness okay? I don’t. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I met Stevie at first and she just... was as cold as me.” He felt another surge of the sick feeling. “And then you tried so hard to be my friend and I kept letting all my fear get in the way and make me keep away from you.” She has been such a trooper too. “I don’t know how you even let me kiss you at all. I’ve been such a dick, even though I’ve been feeling bad about it doesn’t excuse it. I like you so much and it’s so terrifying for me. Any type of relationship is terrifying.” He licked his hips, fixing her sleepy hair.

“You make me want to be a better person so I do deserve you, Y/N. I want to be good.”

As much as Y/N didn’t want to admit it right now, she was feeling better now that he was here. Y/N could tell he was remorseful, that he genuinely felt awful for hurting her the way he did and it eased her pain a little bit knowing that he didn’t mean to. Might have been stupid but at least he was empathetic.

“I let you kiss me because you’re an exceptionally beautiful man.” Y/N sniffling, trying to lift the mood a little bit. She didn’t want to wallow anymore, she’d been wallowing for days. There was one part of his little statement she had to clarify. Just for good measure. “Wait... so you, um. Like me, like me?” She asked, blushing a bit at the fact that she had to ask. It was important to note because for all she knows maybe he just likes her a lot as a person and the sex was just an added bonus because she was hot. She knew men were weird like that and in denial. “Don’t be scared. We can start over, okay?”

She was an angel and again— Harry couldn’t get over the amount that he did not deserve her at all. Y/N was exactly what a man like him should keep away from as he could possibly make her even more upset but she welcomed him and that had him confused and happy all at the same time. This was a blessing he knew he’d probably never have again in a million years, so he was praying that she didn’t regret this. He sighed a breath of relief, nodding his head at her. How could he ever thank her? He was positive that it would be next to impossible.

“Really, really like you. So much.” That was the easy part, admitting his affection for the girl was so easy he was almost surprised at himself. Normally he would psych himself out but Y/N had him comfortable in that aspect. “Not just because of the sex. I’ve liked you for a while before it. But I think I let myself really feel that night... and then she showed up, and I panicked and made you leave. I knew and still do know you aren’t like that. But it had me nervous and overwhelmed and I should have just cooled down and talked to you.”

It wouldn’t be fair if Y/N didn’t forgive him. She was positive she’d fucked up like this before and of course she liked to follow the golden rule. Treating people the way you want to be treated. That stuck with her when she was younger which was part of the reason Harry’s treat people with kindness campaign was so special to her. And for the first time that week Y/N smiled a proper smile. She brought a finger up to his mouth and shushed him, moving her hand to his cheek like she had done before.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore.” Y/N told him honestly. “We can spend whole lives living in the past and worried about things reoccurring, but that’s no way to live. If you’re constantly worried about things that could happen you’ll be stuck with a bunch of what if’s... heartbreak is the worst pain in the world and I understand wanting to prevent it. But you have to give people chances to prove you wrong too. Prove that they aren’t like the others.” Y/N explained, her thumb gliding over his cheek. “And you know what? We’re all learning, all getting through our own baggage and it’s important to support and respect each other. To try and be empathetic whenever you can and treat people with kindness.” She smiled wider. “A really cool guy taught me that.”

Harry turned his face and kissed the palm of her hand a few times, sighing. He still felt like shit. Probably would for a while too, because Y/N was pure and forgiving and he knew that ultimately he would be the one that was going to remember this and the and prove that issue wrong every day.

“Sounds like a cool dude. Hope you get to meet him.” His smirk was playful, but fell a little bit after. God. He knew that it would take time but he also didn’t like that he couldn’t just take it back. Y/N was pulled towards him and he hugged her for a bit, turning to kiss her cheek a few times.

“Me too.” Y/N joked, scrunching her nose as she looked at Harry. Her arms wrapped back around his shoulders as they hugged, face nuzzled into his neck and breathed in. He had been through it emotionally and she could tell he was worn out, not as worn as she was, but still worn.

“Just wanna be with you. For real. And be happy.” Harry hadn’t been truly happy in a long time. “And I know it’s gonna take time to have you truly forgive me but I’m sorry that it even happened to begin with. I like you a lot. I felt like none of what I did was fake. I loved holding you and kissing on you and having you close. None of it was fake to me.”

“None of it was fake. Not from my side either.” Y/N mumbled against his skin, ignoring the first part of his statement because it was too good to be true. He didn’t want her to actually be his girlfriend did he? Something about that just didn’t add up in her mind even though it would make perfect sense to anyone else. “You know my secret now. How do you feel?” Y/N asked, her face still hidden because well... she didn’t want to see his reaction. God she felt embarrassed, she had never intended on him seeing all of it. Maybe some bits, but god he really went through absolutely everything. She was terrified for him to find her socials.

“I feel both good and bad.” Harry said. “M’happy you’re a fan. But I feel awful because I know that I think about me meeting someone I love so much and for their reaction to be like that... it would wreck me. You’re much stronger than I am.” And that was the truth. Y/N has handled far more than she should have. He didn’t like it, but he commended her for the strength. “I really just want to lay with you for a little bit.” Y/N was so adorable when she was sleepy. He had thought so even before when she had fallen asleep on his couch. But he wanted to let her sleep and be happy in his arms for once. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to you. But I want to.” Harry wasn’t going to let it go. He had a feeling Y/N knew that too because she sighed, hiding her face back in his neck with a grumble. “Are you huffin’ at me, little girl?” It was a bit more lighthearted. She was after all, in his shirt and on his lap.

“I told you to stop thinking about it.” Y/N whined, “we’ve both cried enough for tonight.” She sighed and closed her eyes comfortably. She was rather tired, only having slept for an hour when Harry had come over. “but thank you, I try my best to be... cause if you aren’t strong then you can’t carry on.” It was true. Being strong meant moving on full force and taking life by the balls and living it the way you wanted to live it. It didn’t matter how sad you were or how frustrated you were, you took things day by day and figured it out. No point in giving up, you’d just be miserable. “Can you stay the night?” She asked softly, moving her head from her neck to look at him properly. She just wanted a proper cuddle, she’d sleep better knowing he was with her. She huffed when he didn’t take her hint. “You can start making it up to me by letting go and getting cozy. No shoes or jeans allowed when sleeping in my bed.” Y/N told him in a stern yet playful tone.

“God, I’ll do anything you ask me, baby.” At this point Harry would roll over like a good boy if it meant Y/N would giggle. Gently placing her down, he stood and did as asked, stripping the jeans and shoes off before climbing on top of her. It was a playful thing, as he hovered over her kissing all over her face. “Kiss attack.” He whispered before doing it all over again. Y/N was a giggling mess under him and he was thoroughly enjoying making her laugh rather than cry. He places noisy kisses to her cheeks and forehead and nose, avoiding the mouth just in case she wasn’t wanting that yet. It felt a lot better to be with her like this. Allowing himself to be vulnerable, letting her be someone he liked. That was the good thing about it. Y/N had him now. She may not know it completely but she had him by the throat. “Silly girl. No more tears for tonight. You’re so tired, hm baby?” He questioned her quietly, seeing how exhausted she looked.

“Mhm..” Y/N hummed, “I have a day off tomorrow though so if you want to stay up and talk we can.” She said though she yawned a little at the end of it. “Come.” She tugged on his shirt to pull him down some more, tapping the left side of the bed for him to sleep on. “You can take this off too, if you think you’ll get hot.” Men really were like furnaces, always sweating or feeling too hot in the middle of the night while she was usually freezing. She remembered Harry being significantly warm. Y/N knew she’d be warm sleeping next to him, especially if he was holding her all night.

“Trying to get me naked? Come now. Little Y/N... naughty.” Harry laughed, sitting up on the side of her bed and tossing the shirt to the side of the room. He could care less. All the man wanted to do was hold her in his arms and keep her there for hours upon hours. “I was promised cuddling.” He sniffed as he slid back under the covers. Immediately Harry was gifted with armfuls of Y/N, her leg going back over his hip and face smushed in his neck. There was nothing like this. All the money in the world couldn’t buy genuine affection like this.

Y/N rolled her eyes, “get in you goof.” She chuckled and switched off the light. Her tv still illuminated the room, that 70s show playing on loop on Netflix. She returned to her regular position, leg draped over his hips, arm over his waist, face pressed into his neck.

“Want you to sleep for a while, baby. You’re so tired. My poor girl.” He frowned, petting her hair and smoothing then hand down her back to rub circles on it. “When you wake up we can talk more. I don’t have anything tomorrow either... so we can just be together.” What they’d both wanted all along.

Y/N pecked a few soft kisses to his neck, humming as he petted her hair. She was very sleepy and was thankful that he was letting her do so. “You can watch whatever you want if you don’t want to sleep just yet, I don’t mind the tv being on.” She mumbled against his neck. “Night night, Harry.” She drifted off fairly quickly afterwards, feeling extremely comfortable and cozy. Y/N was excited to be able to spend tomorrow doing nothing with him. She felt like it’s what they both wanted and needed, they’d properly bond tomorrow. Get to know the real side of them.

-----------------------------------

[part 6]

A/N: We sobbed while writing this and while editing this. It just HITS. But they’re together now for real 🥺🥺🥺 2 more parts left! - n + d

let us know what you think!

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#writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles smut #jarofstyles #harry writing #harry styles angst #harry angst

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nightshade-minho · 4 years

Text

-Nightmare- (10)

Warnings: Um, like always, get tissues ready, I guess.

He hated this.

Being in the same room as five other people, three of which he hated, wasn’t how he wanted his evening to go. He wanted to be home with you, watching movies and cuddling under about ten blankets. He regretted ever going to that party and meeting the insufferable redhead. God, he couldn’t believe he’d fucked up this bad.

Even now, as he ate dinner, he tuned out the conversation around him. From time to time, he would glance up at Rina, jaw clenched, hate coursing through him.

It was her fault. Right? It had to be.

Whatever. He just had to get through this dinner, and then he’d be able to go home with you. And...maybe, maybe he would confess to you. It was scary to think about...he could feel his heart thumping, and his palms were sweaty. But he knew it was what he had to do. You probably didn’t like him back...but he couldn’t keep it in. He’d kept his feelings locked in for so many years, and now that they were finally out, he couldn’t reel them back in. He felt like an emotional wreck.

He didn’t care if you didn’t feel the same. Seeing you with the necklace around your neck had only solidified what he already knew- you were meant to be his, and he would do anything to make sure that would happen.

When Rina had accused you of changing him, that was the last straw.

Fuck Rina. He probably shouldn’t have snapped at her like that, but he couldn’t help it. He made his way to the bathroom, not wanting to be in the same room as her anymore.

Splashing water on his face, he wiped it clean and sighed, running his hands through his hair. He couldn’t wait to get out of here, couldn’t wait for this to be over.

As soon as he stepped out of the door though, he was met with her face, uncomfortably close to his as she caged him against the doorway, expression furious.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m really not having it.”

“My problem is you. Why the fuck can’t you just leave me alone?” He snapped.

“I know you’re not dating her. I know it. I tried giving you the benefit of the doubt but...it’s so hard. I almost believed it at first...but now, it’s just so laughable. You two, trying to fool everyone into thinking that you’re dating. It’s pathetic.” She spat.

He remained silent.

“What I wanna know is why you left. Is there something wrong with me? Am I unfuckable or something?” Her voice quivered a little, a sprinkle of vulnerability before it regained its usual confidence. “There were millions of guys falling over themselves to want me, to fuck me that night.. Have you ever paused to consider how it would have affected my reputation? You running out of the room just minutes after we entered together?”

“Look, Rina...you’re being unreasonable-”

His brain almost short-circuited when he felt her lips on his. He was consumed with the need to push her away...the acute awareness that you were in the other room.

But for some reason...he couldn’t. He was tired of the game they were playing. Maybe if he just gave her what she wanted, she’d finally stop. She’d stop bothering you two, and he could live his life with you in peace.

So he kissed her back. She pulled away after a few seconds, panting and looking at him with shining eyes. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

He shook his head, eyes widening. “My girlfriend’s literally in the other room-”

She scoffed. “Seriously, Minho, drop the act. I know you two are in a fake relationship. You make it blindingly obvious.” She stares curiously up at him. “Do you...actually like her?”

Minho didn’t say anything, averting his eyes and trying to breathe normally.

She let out an incredulous snort. “Jesus...you’re such a cretin. That bitch doesn’t like you back, you do know that, right?”

“I...”

She pulled away completely, grabbing his wrist and pulling him forward a little bit, peeking around the wall. Minho felt the dread rising in him as she did so, his throat going dry. His eyes took in Juyeon and you on the couch, him leaning closer to you, his hand on your inner thigh. He couldn’t see your expression as your back was facing him, but he’d seen enough. He felt anger pulsing in him as he looked away, scowling.

He hated the way his legs and fingers felt shaky. There it was again, that weakness you caused. He’d been prepared to submit, prepared to accept the weakness as a part of him...but you clearly didn’t feel the same way. So what was the point?

He grabbed Rina, dragging her to the side and whispering in her ear. He’d had enough.

“Where’s that asshole’s bedroom? I wanna fuck you on his bed.”

She grinned, pulling him in for another kiss as she led him to the bedroom, pushing him onto the bed and straddling his lap.

Somehow, Minho didn’t feel anything, not even arousal, as she moved her hips against him, unbuttoning his shirt rapidly. He felt blank, vapid...his body moving as if it were a robot.

Even as he kissed her furiously, he could feel his actions fueled by his frustration and anger. How he wished you were the one on his lap right now...but you’d made it increasingly clear that you didn’t want him in that way. He could make peace with that.

“Fuck you.”

As soon your shaky voice hit his ears, he pulled away like lightning, his eyes landing on your face. The shocked, devastated expression on your face breaking his heart.

Before he could even say anything, you ripped off the necklace, throwing it at him and running away.

He felt tears prick his eyes. That expression on your face...it was now etched in his brain, the memory of it making him nauseous. Why did you look so horrified, so heartbroken? You didn’t like him, so why were you so angry, so sad? The implications of it scared him. What if...

He pushed Rina aside, bending down to pick up the chain, his eyes filling with tears. It wasn’t broken, thankfully. He tucked it into his pocket, turning to the girl on the bed, who was glaring up at him.

“Are you really walking out, again? You do realize-”

“Shut up. I’m done with you. Do whatever you want, I don’t fucking care, okay? I’ve hurt the person who means the most to me multiple times, and you’re to be blamed for some of it. I know I’m the one at fault...and I also know I would have never recognized my love for her if you hadn’t thrown your little tantrum, and forced us into this fake relationship. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from all this, it’s that my feelings for her definitely aren’t fake.” He rambled, breathing hard. For some reason, her dumbstruck expression gave him a weird sense of satisfaction.

He ran out of the room, walking to the door as fast as he could and trying his best to avoid Juyeon’s eyes.

***

Minho found you walking down the street. Your back was to him, but he could almost sense the hurt in the way you walked. His heart ached, especially because he knew he was the reason you looked so defeated. He opened his mouth to call out...but he couldn’t.

You deserved so much better.

He inhaled again, working up his courage.

“Y/n!”

You stopped in your tracks, slowly turning around at the sound of his voice. He walked closer, sighing and running a hand through his drenched hair. “Y/n...please...”

“What?” You snapped, crossing your arms. “What could you possibly have to say to me?”

“I...um, I’m s-”

“No.” You scoffed, holding your palm up. “Don’t you dare apologize. You’ve done enough of that.”

He tilted his head to the side, his sadness slowly transforming into anger.

Actually, why was he apologizing? What right did you have to pretend like you were the victim here? You had no idea about his feelings. You didn’t know what he was going through. You were the one who’d started it, flirting with Juyeon.

“Why the fuck should I be the one to apologize?!”

Your eyes widened. “Wha...Minho, you were literally making out with the girl who wants to send you to jail just a few minutes ago! It was just...irresponsible.” In all honesty, you could care less about the immaturity of the action. You couldn’t tell him the real reason after all, could you? That you were jealous.

“Do you ever not think with your dick?” You asked, feeling your emotions burn. “You know...they were right. You are just a fuckboy without any substance.”

The words hit him like a knife. He opened his mouth, closing it as he felt his heart burn at the words, partly because somewhere deep down...he was scared they might be true.

He felt his anger boil over as he took the necklace out from his pocket. “You know what, Y/n? It’s true, what you said in the letter. This friendship was a mistake, after all. I wish I’d never fucking met you, never wasted all these years on someone as boring and mundane as you!” He threw the necklace on the ground, swallowing. The slightest streak of hesitation ran through him, his inner voice telling him to stop and think...before he shook his head, snapping out of it and crushing it under his shoe.

You let out a small gasp, swallowing your tears as you stared at his feet.

“I knew we’d be breaking up tonight. I just never thought it’d happen this way.” He whispered. He was glad for the rain right then, thankful that they were masking the tears running down his face. He hated the lies he’d just spewed.

You paused, hiccuping as you felt fresh tears run down your cheeks. You were sure you looked like a raccoon, mascara dripping down your face.

“Minho...you were right. I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry.” You took a deep breath. “Sorry I ever fell in love with you.” You choked out, lips quivering as you watched his face slowly twisting with shock. You turned around, not wanting to see it anymore, walking away from him as fast as you could, your heart pounding and legs shaking.

Your dress was sticking to your body and your hair was plastered to your head. The cold rain was making you shake, wishing you’d brought a jacket. Your heart felt colder, though.

They say confessions in the rain are supposed to be romantic. This felt anything but.

***

You cried into your pillow once you reached home, feeling empty. You were a muddle of emotions, your entire body still wet from the rain.

He didn’t even run after you. Didn’t even care.

Then again, what reason did you have to be angry? He wasn’t really your boyfriend. But...you also had to accept that he wasn’t your best friend anymore. It had come straight out of his mouth.

Your best friend had disappeared a few years ago. The guy you lived with now wasn’t that Minho, wasn’t the Minho who gave you the necklace, the one who cared about you. He was different. Maybe he did belong with Rina.

At least, did this mean that Rina wasn’t pissed at him anymore? You were glad that he wouldn’t have to go to jail, at least. You didn’t hate him that much...no, quite the opposite. You still fucking loved him. And you hated yourself for that.

By the time you felt the drowsiness settle in, the sun rays were already poking through the curtains.

***

Minho felt like he’d just been struck with a hammer. The sound of thunder was all he could hear apart from your words repeating themselves over and over in his head.

You fell in love with him.

When? How? Why?

He couldn’t comprehend it. He’d watched dumbly as you left, even after you became a dot in the distance. It had felt like he was rooted to the spot, his legs having lost the ability to walk and his brain, the ability to think.

He ran his fingers through his wet hair as it slowly dawned on him. The realization that he hadn’t been alone in pining for his best friend, that you’d also been going through the same thing as him. You were in love with him…

He let out a shaky sob as he realized just how badly he’d fucked up.

***

The sound of the doorbell ringing woke you up. It was still pretty early in the morning, and you groaned as you dragged yourself out of bed, having had only 3 hours of sleep.

You hated your heart for hoping it was Minho, coming to apologize…even though you knew an apology wouldn’t be enough for you to forgive him. It was hard…but you had to stay away from him. You needed space, time to think. Seeing his face so soon would be too raw to handle. You’d forgive him immediately, even if he said nothing. And he didn’t deserve to be forgiven.

It still disappointed you when you opened the door to see Juyeon standing there with his hands in his pockets.

“What are you doing here?”

He pressed his lips into a thin line. “I just…wanted to say I’m sorry. And after what happened, I wanted to comfort you.”

You nodded expressionlessly, trying not to show how broken you were. You wanted to be strong.

He tilted his head, and the look of sympathy on his face made you want to cry even more.

“Can I…come in?”

When you remained silent, he quickly cleared his throat. “I mean…I just want to explain.”

You thought for a moment and shrugged, stepping aside as you went back in, sitting on the couch. He came inside, hesitantly sitting next to you.

“Look…I have a few things to admit. First off…I like you.”

Your eyes widened. Yeah, he flirted with you…but you didn’t know he actually had feelings.

“Rina-“

He shook his head, interrupting you.

“Rina and I aren’t together. We’re literally cousins. Everyone on campus knows that.”

You wrinkled your nose. They were? “Um, ew. Then why did-“

”She doesn’t talk to me much. Just a week ago, she approached me telling me about the whole situation, about Minho running away and humiliating her. I’d already kind of heard about it, but the way she was talking about it painted him in a much more vindictive light, you know? And then she told me about how she thought that maybe you two were faking your relationship. Which I found pretty absurd at first, but I quickly realized it could be the truth.”

He took a deep breath, glancing at you to make sure you were still listening before looking back at his hands, folded in his lap.

“She knew I had a tiny crush on you. So, she made me help her carry out her plan to get you two to break up, saying that she’d be able to get you to like me.”

He looked up at you, his eyes sad. “It was wrong of me to help her. She’s just deranged and obsessed with her ‘reputation’. I understand if you never want anything to do with me ever again. I just have one question.”

He looked at you, asking for permission. You nodded, signaling him to go ahead.

“Do you actually like him? Like, as more than a best friend?”

You paused, trying not to let the tears spill as you nodded. He sucked in a sharp breath, nodding with his lips tightly pressed together.

“Oh.”

You rubbed at your eyes, turning to face him completely. “Look, Juyeon…what you two did was pretty messed up. I never thought one person could be so petty to the extent of wanting to send someone to jail just because they refused to have sex with them, but here we are. A series of mistakes and misunderstandings are what got us here…but, whatever.” You scoffed.

“I’m sick and tired of all this. I don’t like Minho anymore.” Lie. “It isn’t just this situation that changed my mind…Minho changed way before Rina stepped into the scene. And..I think this was just a wake up call, letting me know that he’s no longer the person I thought he was.”

Juyeon took your hand, holding it gently. “You…you deserve better.”

You shrugged again, avoiding eye contact. There was silence for a few minutes.

“Y/n…?”

“Hm?”

“Give me just one chance, please? A chance to show you I can make you happy?” He asked, biting his lip as he looked at you hopefully.

You paused as you observed his face. Juyeon was…actually quite good looking. And besides assisting Rina in her shenanigans, he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. He’d always been kind to you. Your mind was screaming at you, telling you this was a bad idea…that you didn’t have feelings for him, that you were still not over Minho...but the word already came out of your mouth before you could stop it.

“Okay.” You squeezed his hand.

***

Minho woke up with a yawn. The first thing he noticed was how the bed he was in definitely wasn’t his. He was used to this kind of situation, but usually there’d be a naked girl sleeping next to him. This time, though, the bed was empty.

He got out of bed, heading for the door and seeing Chan sat at the breakfast table.

“Oh, good. You’re up. Breakfast?”

He shook his head, groaning as last night’s memories came flooding back. Your disturbed expression when you caught him with Rina, your tears as you confessed, the broken necklace.

He’d picked it up after you left. It was ruined, the little diamonds chipped and the clef cracked. He’d put it in his pocket, going to his car and driving straight to Chan’s. After what you’d said, he’d thought it would be better to give you some space.

“How long will you be staying here?”

“A while. I just don’t think I can face her again after yesterday.” He mumbled.

Chan nodded understandingly. The first thing Minho had done when he reached Chan’s place was cry, telling him the whole story from beginning to end. He’d felt slightly better after letting it all out.

“You know, you should get your clothes. I don’t have enough spare ones.” He chuckled, turning to look back at his plate.

“Oh fuck..I don’t think I wanna see her again so soon…”

“Just for a few minutes. You need your stuff after all.”

“I can’t just talk to her so soon! How can I act nonchalant and aloof when she confessed to me the other night? When we both hurt each other?”

Chan shrugged. “Hmm, you’re right. Fine, then. I’ll go get your stuff, and also inform her that you’re going to be staying with me for a while. Okay?”

“Okay.”

***

Chan made his way out of his car and to your apartment. He knocked on the door, waiting as he whistled a tune under his breath.

The door opened.

“Oh, hey, Chan. What are you doing here?”

Chan frowned as he stared at Juyeon, looking him up and down.

“Um..I could ask you the same thing.” He thought about how Minho had told him about what he’d seen on the couch.

Juyeon shrugged. “Long story. Y/n?” The man turned around, calling out for you. A few minutes later, you appeared beside him, and he put his arm around your waist.

“Oh, hi, Chan!”

“Hi, Y/n.” Chan spoke slowly. “Um…Minho was wondering if he could get some of his stuff.”

“Why? Is he going to be staying at yours?”

“Mhmm. For a while.”

You shrugged. “Yeah, okay. Wait here.”

As you left, Chan turned to Juyeon with a glare. “What the fuck is going on between you two?”

“What do you think? We’re together now…sort of.”

Chan’s eyes widened. “B-but…”

“But what? I’ve always liked her.”

“Minho likes her too, you know.”

Juyeon stopped, raising an eyebrow. “He does?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, it sure doesn’t look like it. I don’t care if he has feelings for her. All I know is that I could treat her better than he ever could.”

You came back, handing Chan the bags with a smile on your face. Chan returned your smile. “Thank you, Y/n. Have a nice day.” He glanced beside you. “Juyeon.”

“Wait, Chan…tell Minho I said Hi.” You said slowly, playing with your fingers as you felt your tension grow.

Chan paused, nodding with a fake smile as he went back to his car, his mind swimming with thoughts.

How would Minho react when he tells him this? He had a hunch that it would not be pretty.

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