#it might be the autism

[anxiety-banana]

i've just been told my mother's trying to replace the measuring cups she's had since i was a kid, and let me tell you, i would sooner live off pb&j sandwiches for the rest of my life than replace those with anything but the original pyrex measuring cup

[pissyeti]

I read fanfic like I used to play the Sims as a kid

48 hour sprees of manic obsession and delirium followed by absolutely nothing for 6 months

[anxietyautismcreature]

I just beat Intense voice and End of Hatsune Miku on expert consecutively and I'm ready to ascend to God hood now. Where's my court of angels.

[yoloyeahhh]

my charm… mi charme… mon charmander… pika pika mi amor

[luvmomoiz]

no u don’t understand. i WANT to be cringe. i want to get MORE cringe. i want to be the underverse fnaf steven universe vocaloid kid. i WANT to be a loser

[thegreatyin]

i think a big reason why the things i make tend to have slow pacing is because i have trouble connecting to things with faster pacing

[bobadeer]

that tiktok Wednesday edit has my head in a vice grip bday gift for @boobleetea !! 

[macrocosmus]

a play list which is 21 plays of Meow by Animanaguchi interrupted by one solitary instance of ニャンコ by Macdonald Duck Eclair

[fanciestghost]

"NPC behavior" hell yeah I'm an npc. Repeating movements when not occupied? Check. Only responding if talked to? Check. Gives random items? Check again. Run into things and glitch? Yessir!

[swordsonnet]

i'm sorry but i don't think we should call this the "autism website" when there's still posts with tons of notes mocking people who:

struggle with social skills / have anxiety around social settings

are unemployed / unable to work certain jobs

have intense or "age-inappropriate" interests

haven't had certain life experiences that are deemed universal/essential

struggle with personal hygiene

don't have any friends or dating experience

don't go outside much or at all

take things literally / don't get sarcasm/jokes

have unusual ways of speaking

generally aren't "normal"

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[notaclothingstore]

nobody understands the true obsession I have with the double long nose elephant fish- I make my friends go to the aquarium with me at least once a year just to see him. my king. my silly little guy. he is my everything.

[lnfopl]

I don't get the change your name thing, like, for example, it's David or Filip or Kacper or Edmund. They are made up. They have no gender unless you give them one. Take, for example, Sky or Chloe. What makes them Unisex and not male names? Nothing. It's all in your head. Make them ALL Unisex!

[gh0stgrunge]

type of vibe i bring to the function

[sicktrix]

hey gang

[overchromatic]

Paul be FUNKIN'