#it occurs to me you may have wanted the reacting to rumors ()

[sir-king-boo]

Are We Getting Closer, or Are We Just Getting More Lost?

Pairing: Non-Binary Wednesday Addams x Enid Sinclair

Word Count: 4,655

Summary: Wednesday has been staring at their reflection for months, pushing to cut their hair or something. There's a voice in the back of their head that seems to care about outside opinions, but the one that truly matters to them is just outside the bathroom door. They wish they could tell their girlfriend, but luckily, she is patient and happy to wait until Wednesday is ready.

Maybe they're ready to talk about it.

A/N: I wanted to shape Wednesday to be like me. Posting over here and it's currently live on Ao3

Staring at the mirror in front of them, they held their hair back inspecting the image displayed. Bangs still against their forehead. The same brown eyes staring back with growing frustration. In the corner of the mirror, scissors were still sitting. Their hands not finding the courage to grab them. 

“What would it look like?” A pause. “What would it feel like?” 

Fingers from their free hand wrapped around the handle and brought them up to where their hair was bunched together. 

A deep breath as the scissors opened. 

Before they could close, a knock on the bathroom door.

“Hey Wends, you almost done?” The voice from the other side asked before crying out in desperation. “I really need to pee.” 

Tying up their hair letting out a frustrated sigh. Wednesday opened the door to let their roommate in and closed it behind them letting the werewolf relieve herself in peace. 

Sitting back at the desk, they reflected on what happened in the bathroom. They had almost done it. Cut off the hair that was normally twin braided. They had purposely tied back at the same point they would have cut it at. 

Pulling out a knife, they still could. It would require a little more force and be less precise. 

Lost in thought as they twirled the knife, they didn’t notice the blonde had returned. 

“Are you ok?” She asked staring over at them receiving no answer. “Willa, is something wrong?” She stepped closer hesitating to touch them with a knife in their hands. “You’re starting to scare me.”

That snapped Wednesday out as they looked up at their girlfriend. “Yes, Enid. I’m fine.” Then the thought occurred, “How would Enid react?”

The only opinion that truly mattered to them was Enid’s. They had not been together long, but she was still their closest friend. Navigating a year of friendship that had slowly transitioned into a wonderful, loving relationship of four months. They couldn’t lose her.

“When you’re ready to talk, let me know.” She said giving a deep, loving smile before giving them a quick peck. “Are you not braiding your hair today?” She gave the tied hair a little pull. 

The slight pain put a smile on her face. “I may not.” 

“Not feeling up to it today?” Enid asked curiously. “I could braid it.” 

A memory of Enid’s fingers working through her hair brought a pleasant feeling. They declined, “I think I will keep my hair like this today.” 

“Ok.” Enid’s voice hinted at concern before returning to the usual happy tone. “You still look totes adorable like this.” 

They rolled their eyes. “Thank you, querida.” They dropped the knife on the desk before standing up and took in the sight of their girlfriend as they kept an arm around her. “You look lovely as ever.”  

“You want to grab some breakfast?” She asked meeting their eyes. 

Wednesday considered it. They barely ate dinner last night. “Lead the way, I’m famished.” 

Throughout the day, Wednesday noted the looks they had received in regards to the lack of their braids. There were comments whispered about, a few rumors that their girlfriend had overheard. They were insulted by the accusing ones of Wednesday lacking time management that morning. 

The next day, the twin braids were perfectly in place. Enid kissed them just the same. There were a few looks and comments, but none like the day before. 

That weekend, Enid insisted on a date in Jericho. She tempted them with the cold weather, a silent promise not to go shopping that would entirely be broken, and a trip to the bookstore. 

Again, Wednesday found themself staring at the mirror’s reflection, hair in hand, scissors on the edge of the sink, and a growing frustration. They glared at themself and pushed for the strength to grab the scissors and cut the hair off. 

“Babe.” A light knock at the closed door. “You almost ready?” 

Wednesday grabbed the scissors and held them up to their hair. Breathing in almost a panic about the action.

“Wednesday.” The sweet voice called out. 

That snapped them out of it. They dropped the scissors. “Yes, please allow me another minute.” 

A concerned voice followed, “Ok, take your time.” 

Glaring at the mirror again, they tied up their hair and began tucking it into a black beanie as they put it on. They inspected the change in the mirror slightly pleased with the look. Putting away the scissors that once again were unused. 

Taking a deep breath, they opened the door to find Enid on her bed scrolling through her phone. “Are you ready to depart?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Enid said before locking her phone and looking up before pausing. “What happened to your hair?” 

An eyebrow raised. Their hair was still there poking slightly out the sides. 

“I mean, you look great as usual.” Enid said quickly before losing her words.

“It’s cold outside.”

“Yeah, and you love the cold.” She stood up and walked over to Wednesday. She put her hands on the shorter person’s shoulders. “Is everything ok?”

“Enid.”

“I’m being patient. I don’t want to force something out of you, but I need to know you’re ok.” 

“I’m unharmed.” 

“Wends, you know what I mean.” She reached down to pull Wednesday’s chin for their eyes to meet. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” She asked in a slightly hopeful tone.

“Let me take my girlfriend out on a date.” They said before reaching up and giving her a kiss.

There were no questions about the goth’s sudden change in appearance. No requests from the blonde to take off the beanie. No pressure to talk about the changes this week. The werewolf was happy to share her day with the raven. 

The bathroom stares and no set routine with their hair became the new routine. Sometimes, they would get far enough to cut their hair only to realize they missed it completely. There were days that they would be content to let Enid decide what their hair would look like. Other days, Wednesday tied it in a bun or in her twin braids. The weekends were everchanging between beanies, braids, buns, and, one time, their hair remained free. That caused too many looks in their direction. 

Enid never pressured them to talk about it. She happily ran her fingers through Wednesday’s hair and provided all the reassurance she could. 

A month into this routine, Wednesday sat next to Enid reading through their book while their girlfriend leaned against them and watched a movie on her laptop. They were on the werewolf’s bed riding out a storm that made Enid get overstimulated with the loud thunder. 

They still had an admiration of thunderstorms, but Wednesday would choose every time to be comforting their girlfriend instead of trying to get struck by lightning. It never happened anyways.

Finishing a chapter, they put their book down and glanced over at the blonde. She was playing with her lip as she focused on the screen unaware of what was going on around her as she wore noise canceling headphones. Based on what was happening on screen, it was an action movie with a cheesy love story. 

Biting their lip, they thought over the past few months before blurting it out. “I don’t know if I’m a girl.” 

“What did you say?” Enid asked taking off the headphones as she sat up. A boom of thunder rang out immediately making her whimper. 

Wednesday felt themself freeze. They weren’t ready for this. For someone else to know the struggles they’ve been facing. “What if she leaves you?”

“Wends?” She broke them out of their thoughts. 

“I asked if you were hungry. I thought I heard a growl.” Their voice was uneven, very unsure of itself. 

The wolf swallowed thickly. She knew Wednesday was lying. “No, I’m fine, it must’ve been yours.” 

“Oh, sorry.” Wednesday’s voice was filled with awkwardness and they knew their girlfriend was growing uncomfortable. 

“Ok, time out.” Enid called out dropping the headphones. “I don’t know what you said and you obviously don’t feel comfortable repeating it.” Another boom from outside as the two stared at each other in fear. “But please, tell me that we’re ok. That whatever is going on, when you’re ready, you’ll talk to me.” Another tense boom making Enid more uneasy. “I can’t lose you, Wednesday.” 

Wednesday reached out a hand to keep a hold on Enid. “I’m here, cara mia.” They used their hand to pull Enid closer to wrap their arms around the girl. “You’re not losing me, not now, not ever.” They felt their girlfriend crying softly making their eyes watery. 

They held their girlfriend waiting for the crying to stop. The thunder outside extending the time until the raven retrieved the headphones placing them over the wolf’s sensitive ears. They settled back into their former positions with the blonde laying more on the goth disregarding the movie on her laptop. 

The raven slowly strokes the wolf’s back until she was sound asleep on their chest. 

Following that night, Wednesday felt like there was an intense gap building in their relationship with Enid. She was still just as sweet, loving, and caring as if nothing had happened, but they were starting to feel guilty. The blonde was just as patient and understanding as ever, but Wednesday felt her thoughts grow with more and more guilt about why they didn’t share their thoughts. 

“What if she leaves me?” They always said. “What if she grows tired of this?” It was always a war raged back and forth between telling and staying silent.

It was Friday after classes ended for the day. Wednesday elected to come straight to their room, allowed a ten-minute glare with the mirror before dressing in a nice dress. They debated on their hair before tying in back in a single braid. 

Opening the door and walking out to find their girlfriend was walking up the stairs in a hurry. 

“Wends, are you ok? Everyone said you stormed off back to the room?” She asked before looking at the outfit. “What’s going on?”

Flashing a cocky grin at their girlfriend. “Cena, querida?” 

The wolf looked thrown off. “Uh, sí?”

“Go get dressed.”

“Just to be clear, I agreed to dinner, right?” 

“Sí.” 

An uber ride later, they were at a steakhouse. The raven happily watching their girlfriend devour a medium rare steak as they ate piece of broccoli. They listened to the latest drama that the wolf had heard today. It was easy for them to disregard their girlfriend was talking with their mouth full. 

After dinner, they were hand in hand as they slowly walked in the moonlight. Normally, Wednesday would enjoy the quiet walk but with Enid’s silence came the overbearing thoughts. The ones that reminded them of the wolf’s ability to break their cold heart, but there were a few rational thoughts. 

“Enid loves you. She wouldn’t dream of hurting you even if you begged.”

“Wends.” The blonde called out pulling them from their thoughts. 

“Yes?”

“I asked if we were walking back.” 

They looked around and noticed they had begun the normal trail back. They shook their head. “Do you want to get ice cream or cookies?” 

“For once, I think I might be full.” Her voice was riddled with nerves. 

They sighed. This was supposed to be a night for Enid. She had put up with so much lately and had been amazing in supporting them. Now, their girlfriend seemed nervous in a terrible way. “I think I’m ready to talk about it.” 

The blonde perked up. “Really? Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” They nodded. “But before, I want to assure you none of this has been because of you. I treasure the time we have together. I’m not fond of my dilemma putting strain on you and our courting. My sincerest apologies if I’ve caused you pain and insecurity during this time.”

“Wends.” 

They held their hand up signaling for their girlfriend to wait. “As much as it pains me to say, you have brightened my life and made me feel happiness. I hope to never know a day without you.”

“Wends.” Her voice said with a slight panic.

“Don’t interrupt.” They cut her off. “Enid, I love you.” 

She grabbed their face and held it in her hands. “I love you too, but please don’t ask me to marry you tonight.”

They widened their eyes. “I see dating me has made you lose your sanity.” 

“That’s the only way to live.” She kissed them lightly that started growing more intense with each passing second. She pulled away with a dazed look before recovering. “Besides, you’ve been on edge for the past few months. You’re a little more secretive. If I know you, you’d plan a proposal to the last detail to the second.” 

They scoffed. “Of course, when this courtship comes to an end with our marriage, everything will be perfect. I wouldn’t accept less for you.” 

A squeal emerged from the blonde surprising the goth slightly. “Sorry, it’s just you said when.” 

“Yes?” They asked confused.

“You said when and not if, so you really want to marry me.” 

“You are aware I wouldn’t be courting you if I did not desire that outcome.”

She nodded. “Yes, but hearing you say it makes it so real.” A huge grin remained on her face as she paused to take a deep breath. “If I would have known there were speeches attached to this, I would have prepared.”

“Wait.” Wednesday said being ignored by their girlfriend. 

“Willa, you terrified me when you moved in. I wasn’t prepared for the embodiment of chaos to enter my life, but I am so thankful that you did. I can’t think about how life would be without you, good chance I would be buried along with Nevermore. As much as you doubt yourself when it comes to our relationship, you try your damn best, and succeed, at being the best girlfriend I could ask for. I love you so much, Wednesday.” She kissed them.

“She called me girlfriend and it didn’t feel unbearable.”  

When parting, Wednesday looked at Enid and suddenly felt like they couldn’t speak.

The girl’s eyebrows shifted looking concerned at their loss of words. “Too much?” 

They shook their head. “No, I-I.”

“Wends.” She stroked the raven’s cheek.

“I don’t know what I am.” 

“You’re Wednesday. The scariest girl at school and my girlfriend. Top in her class, headstrong, has made several grown men cry.” 

“That’s not what I mean.” They felt the frustration festering in them as they pulled away and turned away. 

Enid quickly followed and moved in front of them keeping her hands right above their arms. “Explain it to me. I’m right here, Willa.” 

“I don’t feel like a girl most days, but I don’t think I feel like a boy either.”

“Oh.” Enid paused. “Is that why you’ve changed your hair so much lately?” A nod. “Ok, do you want to explore other ways to express this feeling?” 

They looked up and saw their girlfriend being patient but filled with questions. The dress they were wearing was feeling a little tighter. They thought about what Enid was asking. “Yes.” 

She nodded. “Ok, do you want to go shopping or go by a different name?”

They grimaced thinking about shopping. “I still prefer Wednesday.” 

“Got it.” She said with a nod. “I know you hate shopping but maybe you’ll feel a little more you? It can just be us and when you’re done, we can go back. I can leave you to sit in the dark until you’re ready for me to come back.” 

“Cara mia, breathe.” Wednesday cut off her rambling. 

“Sorry, I just want to help.” 

“We can try the shopping option.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes.”

“We can go right now.” 

They shook their head. “It’s late. We can still get dessert and head back.” 

“That sounds delicious.” 

“I thought you were satisfied.” Wednesday remarked.

Enid playfully slapped their shoulder. “I was preparing for my Legally Blonde moment.” There was a pause as they didn’t get the reference. “Elle’s boyfriend takes her to a nice dinner and dumps her. She thought they were in love and he was going to propose.” 

“I love you, mi sol.” 

Enid kissed them. “I love you so fucking much, Wednesday.” 

The following day, Wednesday followed Enid into different stores finding new outfits to add to their wardrobe. They leaned more towards a masculine side that Wednesday found tolerable. Their girlfriend kept to her promise, once Wednesday said they were done, the blonde didn’t argue. 

They stopped at the Weathervane at Wednesday’s instance of feeding Enid. They sat in a booth enjoying the sun shining through the window while Enid devoured her sandwich and pastry. The goth elected to chew their food slower and enjoyed the taste that they were sure their girlfriend was missing. 

“So, do you want to cut your hair?” Enid asked between bites. 

The raven stiffened. It was a chilling thought. The lack of their braids.

“You don’t have to. I just noticed you were staring at the hair salon a few times.” She offered. “I just wanted to make sure you knew that was an option.” 

They shook their head. “No.”

Enid reached over the table to grab their hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Ok.”

For the next few weeks, Wednesday changed their hairstyle based on how they felt in the morning. There were still glares in the reflection, but it was less time spent in front of the mirror. During school hours, they wore their uniform as normal but they had alternated between pants and skirts throughout the week. 

“Will, you need to eat.” Their girlfriend said placing a plate on top of their book they were reading. 

Wednesday immediately stopped hearing the new nickname that the wolf had added to her arsenal of names. “Will?” They looked up to see the girl looking a little flustered.

“Yeah, Will, is that ok or do you want me to stick with Willa?” 

They thought about it. “We can try it out.”

“Here’s the ultimate test.” She placed her lunch on the table before sitting down next to them. She gazed lovingly into their eyes. “I love you, Will.” 

“I love you, cara mia.” 

The two shared a kiss that was interrupted by their friends joining them. There was a silent agreement to discuss the new name later back in their room. They ate their food after sharing a squeeze of hands. 

Later in the day, the couple joined the school for a movie in the quad. They sprawled out on their blanket with snacks. Wednesday had started joining these nights shortly before they started dating but always despised the school’s choice in movies. But they were content to sit through them if Enid would stay close. 

The night started with Enid cuddling closely as they snacked. She placed kisses along their jaw and met their lips on occasion. They had taken to sitting in the back naturally for Wednesday’s sanity and to make them feel better about PDA. If it was a movie that Enid found boring, she didn’t mind making out with Wednesday. 

They have been scolded by teachers and fellow students. The couple was mild compared to a few others around them. 

As the movie continued on, Enid eventually found herself laying in Wednesday’s lap happily enjoying the goth’s fingers in her hair. She was starting to fall asleep and by the time credits rolled, the girl was letting out light snores. 

“She fell asleep?” Yoko teased while walking by the couple. 

They nodded. 

“Poor thing, you need help carrying her up?” Divina asked. 

“I’m going to let her rest a few more minutes before we head back.” 

“Nonsense.” Yoko said and lightly kicked her best friend. “Wake up, wolfie.” 

“Five more minutes, Will.” She said rubbing her head against their thigh. 

“I’m sure the school would love to witness Wednesday’s display of strength when she carries you upstairs.” The vampire teased hoping the blonde’s possessiveness would wake her up.

They couldn’t stop the slight wince at being referred to as she. They were used to it throughout the day with their friends, other students, and teachers. But being with Enid for the night, there was decompression. Enid never referred to them as she unless she called them her girlfriend. 

“You ok, Addams? Enid isn’t hurting you, is she?” 

“Divina, observant as ever.”

“I’m fine.”

“Blondie, wake up, you’re hurting your girlfriend.” Yoko got down to shake her awake. “It’s bad when you hurt an Addams.” 

Enid lifted her head up and looked up at them. “Carry me?” She brought out her puppy dog eyes. “Please?” 

“Could you help gather our things?” Wednesday asked Divina who nodded. They stood up leaving their girlfriend on the blanket before leaning down and picking her up bridal style. 

“We’ll give these to you guys tomorrow.” Divina said referencing the blanket and containers. 

“Thank you.” Wednesday said as they walked towards their dorm. 

Once back in the dorm, Wednesday laid the wolf in her colorful bed. They took a shower and walked back to see the blonde was awake waiting for them. 

“Why are you awake?”

“Can I sleep with you, Willa?” They nodded and proceeded to be tackled by their girlfriend. 

Settling in the bed, they shared kisses with Enid who giggled. The wolf held their head in her hands while the raven wrapped their arms around her. 

“How are you feeling about Will?” 

“I’ll allow it.” 

“I love you, Wednesday.”

“I love you.” They kissed their girlfriend. 

Another few weeks passed and the couple never felt more in love. They were more in sync than previously. Wednesday didn’t dare to say it, but they were happy. They loved waking up to the werewolf in their arms. They loved when there was a full moon and the sleepy blonde would find her after and take a nap. They loved when their girlfriend came in after classes and told them all about her day. 

But most of all, they loved how the girl would lightly scratch at their scalp when hugging them, how she called them the prettiest, most handsome and beautiful person in the world, and how easily she had taken to switching back and forth between the nicknames. In the same breath, their girlfriend would call them Will and Willa. 

“So, what are you?” Yoko said at the lunch table. It was just the two couples as their other friends were somewhere else. 

“Yoko!” Divina and Enid snapped at the same time. 

“What?”

“Wednesday is a person, not a thing.” Enid spoke up grabbing their hand. 

“Ok, but you will literally switch between seven different names for Addams in one conversation.”

“And you will continue to call me Wednesday Addams.”

“But what’s up with the Will and Willa?” Yoko asked. “I’m trying to be supportive or whatever.” 

“You can be supportive by shutting the fuck up.” Enid snapped. 

“Enid!” Divina chastised with a look. 

“I’m not one to turn away someone’s interest in learning.” Wednesday said to comfort their girlfriend. 

“Ok, so what’s going on?”

“I never said I volunteered to answer questions.” 

“Fuck you, Addams.” 

“Enid has that department covered already.” 

“Wednesday!” The three cried out with Enid’s face growing red. 

“These past few months, I have come to realize I identify as nonbinary.”

“Ok.” Divina said it with a nod and a supportive smile. “Do you have preferred pronouns or want to be calling something specific?” 

“I prefer they/them.” 

“Because there’s seven layers of Hell.” The three people looked at the vampire in the group. “Wednesday is literal Hell.” 

Wednesday bit their tongue to keep from smiling. Their girlfriend looked to not share the same feeling towards the comment. 

“Oh, come on, wolfie, they don’t seem upset. They would make the devil cry in shame.” 

“Yoko.” Enid warned.

“I would like to know why you’re flirting with me in the presence of our girlfriends.”

“Unlike Enid, I’m not looking for Hell.”

“Waterboarding is just as enjoyable.” Wednesday stated.

“I’m just not going any further.” The vampire said. “I feel like I’m going to learn something about Enid that I don’t want to know. Has it felt any different?”

“For a brief moment in time, I wanted to break every mirror I encountered. I would stare for what felt like hours angry at myself.”

“Really? Addams, you’ve always seemed sure of yourself.” A kick from her girlfriend. “Babe, come on, it’s true. Wednesday always knows what they are and what they’re going to do.” 

“I have always been Wednesday Addams. I have been told I’m very set in my ways. But for those minutes in front of the mirror, I despised what I saw, someone who didn’t know who they were and cared what others perceived them as.” They noted the far away look in their girlfriend and gave her a squeeze with their hand to get her attention. “But I no longer see that person anymore.” 

“I’m happy to hear that, Wednesday.” Divina said before she started eating.

“I’ll still kick your ass if you hurt Enid.” 

With a smirk, “I’d like to see you try.” 

That evening, the couple reunited in their shared room. The wolf has been notably quiet since lunch. It bugged Wednesday. They were used to their hug, kiss, and followed by her nonstop talk for an hour. Today, all they received was a half-hearted hug. The girl immediately went to her side of the room once they parted. She went from using her phone, to her homework, selecting a song, reading on her phone, then back to homework. It was an overlapping cycle. 

“Amore mio.” Wednesday called out from their desk ignoring the hurt when they were ignored. They got up and walked over to their girlfriend. “Amore mio.” They repeated standing in front of her, gaining her attention. 

“What? Sorry, what’s wrong, Wends?” Enid said crawling out of her zoned out look. 

“Is something wrong with you? Are you ill?” 

“Uh, no. Why would you think that?” She tried the look for a look of confusion.

“You haven’t given me the pleasure of your kiss since we departed this morning.” 

She laughed. “You just wanted a kiss?” She pulled Wednesday down by their tie and pressed their lips together. They felt a hint of a smile on the blonde’s lips as they kissed. It ended too soon as she flashed a smile that quickly faded as she returned to her homework. 

“Mi amor.” They sighed before pushing away the work and climbing into the girl’s lap.

“Hey, I was-“ 

Wednesday interrupted. “You were writing the same sentence over and over.” They put their hands on her shoulders. Keeping their balance on her lap. “Tell me what ails you?”

She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. They opened showing deep sorrow. “I feel terrible for not realizing sooner.” 

“Love.” 

“I should have seen it sooner. You were suffering and I didn’t notice.” Her eyes were building tears. 

“Mi amor, I didn’t want you to see. I felt weak and pathetic. It was a battle for myself and myself alone.” 

“Still I should’ve been there.”

“And you were.” The look of confusion made them smile as they held her head, stroking her cheeks. “I would always have you when I walked out. You gave me the space I desired while still smothering me with your love. I would never change anything about you or our courtship.” 

“You mean it?” She said with tears starting to fall.

“Of course, I love you.” Wednesday said wiping a few stray tears. “You’re a wonderful, magnificent mate.” 

Enid wrapped her arms around their body burying her face into Wednesday’s chest. “I love you too, my handsome Willa.”

[brandycranby]

HI HELLO. I HAVE QUESTIONS! ok so obviously all about my newest obsession raccoon hybrid!reader. ONE. do the others know about stevie's new pet (? is that what we call her idk imma go w this bc it makes the most sense in my brain unless you have a better title)? like is tony aware theres this precious girl hiding out in steves rooms? do bucky and same know about her i must know. TWO if they do know about her how do they react? how does reader react to them knowing about her?

eeee thank you for all the questions 🥺🥺 i’ll try to answer these as best i can, it got kind of sociological and political honestly 🥲 i wish i could loosen up for ridiculous fanfic

a note ig, idk if i want to call her “pet”, both in and out of the AU. that does largely bring up the idea of owners and i don’t know if thats somewhere i want to go since the concept of being "owned" could be jarring for some readers. “companion” may be a better term and it’s even preferred in universe. “pet” would be an outdated term for a hybrid who exists as a live-in partner/entertainment (but technically they are kinda… pets)

ONTO UR QUESTIONS under a cut bc it's too long

they will eventually find out. unless no one ever visits steve’s quarters or notices how he orders extra extra food and spends more time in his room alone. I mean, bucky at the very least would be suspicious lolol sam would also get dragged along into investigating. they might even help steve keep his secret but she’d eventually get bored and sneak out. might go crawling around in the vents and end up bumping into clint who’s just 👀

there are rumors of a compound cryptid going around for a few weeks or months. thor brushes it off, has shared peanut butter with the “horrors” during late night snack time and didn’t know. natasha probably knew from the very beginning bc steve isn’t subtle and she Knows All. tony is the last to know ofc. bruce is concerned about hybrid welfare and is surprised that there's one here???

A lot of “how they react” and “how she reacts” really depends on the status of human-animal hybrids in this universe. A brief history:

for creatures to be treated as sub-human despite having human characteristics/appearances, it would mean that they’ve occurred naturally in the wild for some time and have been incorporated into human society as high class companions or status symbols but largely not.

glossing over a lot of historically linked phenomena like ✨british imperialism✨, the industrial revolution, capitalism, and rapid population growth, hybrids would eventually become victims of not only hydra but also other shady groups who either want to 1) capitalize on breeding and marketing hybrids or illegal trafficking/prostitution, 2) develop super soldiers that are hybrid-based (an alternative route to the serum), 3) or are just fucked up mad scientists who want to experiment on things that wouldn’t technically land them in legal hot water

bc hybrid laws are weird and complicated and i need a real lawyer to help me develop these (except i won’t bc this is strange lil au and i can’t dedicate my whole brain to it). as a whole, i don’t think it’d be strange for countries in the 21st century to have hybrid rights passed as legal regulations. they can talk, they can think for themselves, yes they have animal behaviors and special needs, but they are largely sentient and deserve to be called legal persons.

They can work and do things on their own but i think it’d be a very specialized field like dog hybrids working as TSA assistants bc they have good noses or cat hybrids being preferred dancers for ballet performances. Their role as companions are still relevant, bunny hybrids are cute and very nervous which make them less hireable as a barista for example but are ok for companionship.

(very vague term honestly, this ranges from the traditional lady’s companion role where they’re paid to just live with someone, babysitters/nannies, domestic partnership, to being caregivers or sugar babies 👉🏼👈🏼 also not sure how they'd get hired for this? word of mouth? registery?)

Raccoon hybrids exist but kinda.. aren’t useful in a field or are as desirable as companions. They don’t take orders as well as dog hybrids, are far too mischievous, and aren’t as aesthetically pleasing. Their common stereotype as pests have led to raccoon hybrids living mostly off-grid or as wanderers. This means they have more independence than other hybrids that live as pets but it also means that it’s not uncommon for them to be arrested or disposed of because of complaints.

Again, real life in the US is kinda terrifying right now. What is a right depends on state-to-state legislation. So while hybrids may have full rights in New York, the situation in Texas may be much worse where they are treated more like animals than persons. More horrors: possible open season?

All the Avengers would do their best to accommodate her and make her feel safe in the compound. Maybe they didnt think Steve would have gotten a hybrid on his own but ofc he'd pick one out of a garbage can 😌

---

i spent way too long on this 😭😭 thank u for loving my writing aaaa 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 u have no idea how happy that makes me, i write such sappy and soft stuff sometimes

the fic: the berry sweetest

[exotoxoxo]

Some thoughts on A League of Nobleman! Spoilers for the series below the cut!

First off, this show is amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a show with tight pacing, GORGEOUS cinematography, amazing characters, and a great plot. There really isn’t much romance but it definitely feels implied. 

I’m assuming you already know the basic of the plot so I’m just going to dive into my thoughts on the characters. One of my favorite things was the parallel between Lan Jue, Shulin, and Zhang Ping. 20 years ago a tragic incident affected these three men and they way they all reacted was amazing.

First lets talk about Lan Jue and Shulin (Gu Qing Zhang). Both were roughly around the same age when the tragedy occurred, both wanted revenge, but the way this shaped them was completely different. Lan Jue wanted justice, whereas Shulin wanted vengeance. And the way this differs is while Lan Jue was definitely into manipulating and stepping into gray areas he had a core of justice that he would NOT compromise. It literally almost broke his mind when he even considered going completely dark. Shulin on the other hand, went completely black and white. The world broke him and he was going to break the world in return. He wanted to destroy everything in the capital including innocent people. I do think there was a part of him that regretted it, when ZP was stabbed, when LJ “betrayed” him, when he wanted to save the baby but he was just too into the dark to see the light anymore. On a side note, the acting by Wang Duo here was amazing! You really felt for this character and even when you didn’t know he was the “villain” you knew he was up to something.

Now for Zhang Ping! He starts of very naive with a black and white view of the world. In his mind, there’s right and there’s wrong period inspired by his favorite book series Strange Tales, that you should always tell the truth. His parallel with Shulin takes on a different approach since ZP is unaware of how this tragedy effected him for most of the show. However, these two were raised together, by the same amazing woman, and the way they turned out so different reminds me of this quote I once read, “The same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg.” And in that quote you can see how the world turned Shulin so hard that he refused to bend and ended up breaking, whereas ZP also saw the injustice in the world and his response was “I’m going to fix it.” A line I really loved is in the finale when Shulin was like I’m going to burn down this cruel world, ZP said “this world may be cruel but people like my mother live in it.” showing how he thought there was always light and the way to help the world was to make it shine brighter not try to get rid of the dark.

The conclusion reached in the end was great. I know some people were disappointed that the Empress’ crimes were never made public but that would’ve caused chaos in the world and that’s not what any of them wanted (other than Shulin.). I also love that in the end ZP understood that truth matters yes but you have to be careful on when you use the truth and sometimes a partial truth is better. I loved how ZP dismantled Shulin’s coup with the truth even if it wasn’t the whole truth. He kept pointing out the birth certificate is a fake, which it was, even though he had the real one that said the same thing.

I also want to talk about Mowen and the Emperor for a moment. I really loved Mowen’s character who was a blend of LJ’s justice and ZP’s truth. He really believed in LJ and was willing to bend rules and laws to help him achieve justice. But he also believed in doing the right thing such as volunteering for the war even though as someone pointed out being a police officer is different from being a solider. The Emperor is the same, he also believed in doing the right thing. When ZP questioned does it matter if the rumors are true, he replied “if I’m the Emperor I must lead the people for the good of the country. If I’m just a common man, I must still do the same.” Oh and Chen Chou, who’s kindness, hope, and compassion really helped ZP when he needed it the most. Out of all of them, CC was the only one who could’ve walked away at ANY time as he was not directly involved in the tragedy or the government but his love and loyalty would not let him.

Also, while there aren’t any main female characters the two we do get are amazing. The Empress is full of greed and corruption, she will not hesitate to kill her son even though she hates her fake son to keep her power and prestige. In the end she had no regrets because she got what she wanted. 

ZP’s mother, was also great in the completely opposite way. Her strength was in her compassion and kindness. She raised those two boys with honor and kindness and when she saw that Shulin could be more she didn’t hesitate to reach out to try to get it for him even though that’s what started the whole tragic chain of events.

Basically, I really enjoyed the show! The complaints I have are few (I would’ve liked to know more about LJ’s wife and kid other than a couple of throwaway lines, more time with Mowen/LJ/ZP, and really just one more episode to wrap things up.)

[sostanotes]

Myth Hunters (4/?)

Day 54

As I set out for the Fieldlands to help Mai investigate the strange outbreaks, I thought back to one of the threads I could pursue in the hunt for plates.

When I arrived, I decided to head for the Heights Camp immediately to check in with Mai. It started to rain as I made the climb up Deertrack Heights.

We pondered the question of how to search for these outbreaks for only a moment before my Arc Phone reacted and showed me where all of the outbreaks were occurring. Strangely, it didn’t inform me what Pokémon were present in each location. Still, Arceus is helping, and I’m not turning down the help.

The Pokémon in these outbreaks are far stronger and far more aggressive than is usual, both for the region and for the species involved. I hit several locations thoroughly, until new Pokémon stopped arriving, while several others I simply flew by to observe. Most of the Pokémon I ran into this time were Pokémon I would expect here in the Fieldlands, though not always WHERE I would expect them.

On the way back to Mai, I ran into Wanda again. I feel sorry for her, honestly; she keeps getting lost and wandering in dangerous situations. While I was checking in with Mai, Warden Calaba came by and suggested that Arezu might have some theories. I guess we’ll check in with her when I return to the village. For now, I should visit Mespirit

Mespirit teleported in as I arrived. I could feel their gratitude for my efforts before it became a sense of challenge to prove my worth. After I caught Mespirit, I felt a sense of satisfaction, but also the pull to challenge the other Lake Guardians. I guess I’ll have to prove myself to all 3 before I earn anything this time.

Arriving back in town, I was informed at the gate that Professor Laventon wanted to speak to me.

I was quite moved that he trusted me enough to gift me the remaining Pokémon I first met on Prelude beach on my arrival. I promise you Professor, I will take great care of them. Afterwards, I headed to the Salon to meet up with Mai and Calaba.

I’m not sure I completely agree with Arezu’s theory, but it is clear that the outbreaks are connected to the storms; new Pokémon stopped appearing sooner than I was expecting at the last outbreak I had investigated, coinciding with the end of the storm.

Since the storms had been headed east, We quickly headed back out again to the Mirelands. The storms were starting to build as we arrived, and had a conversation with Melli. Mai gave me a bit more information about why he is the way he is, but the more interesting thing was the Aguav berries he gave me.

Munchlax immediately stole a few of them, and as he was eating them, my Arc Phone started reacting to the outbreaks, but this time, it revealed the types of Pokémon appearing. Even more interesting were the strange icons that appeared on certain outbreaks.

The shape I had assumed was some sort of droplet turned out to be a representation of an Aguav berry, since every Pokémon in those outbreaks was carrying one; guess that’s another piece of the puzzle…but what does it mean? The star icon was a bit more dangerous; after I reached the point I expected the outbreak to clear, another wave of Pokémon started appearing. And this time, it was entirely Alpha Pokémon, which fits with a rumor we had heard earlier. curiouser and curiouser as they say.

I’m really glad to see that the Clans have put aside their differences and started working together. It seems Irida will be joining us during our investigation of the Coastlands. I’ll be heading there tomorrow, but since I’m here in the Mirelands and the sun is set, I really should head up to the Shrouded Ruins and see what I need to do with the Odd Keystone.

[bioware-reacts]

Fun blog! May I request the DA2 companions reacting to the idea that Varric and Bethany are dating? Hawke too, of course.

Not my best work but hey, it's done! I hope yall enjoy. -Mod M

Carver: He's only a little annoyed. Just a bit. Its worse if Hawke is also dating someone because oh goddammit why does he have to be last? Every time! Annoyance aside, he is actually pretty happy for his sister. Everyone's been stressed since they left Lothering, hes happy she's happy if that makes sense. Carver is an angry hedgehog with a particularly soft tummy, when he lets people near him, okay?

Blue Hawke: Awww, good for those two! A nice Hawke would likely be happy for their sister and best friend, they both deserve to be loved! Isn't it great that they're happy together? Carver can't stand the sudden burst of even more optimism in the house

Purple Hawke: Show of hands, who saw that coming? Hawke did. Varric calls Bethany Sunshine and he likes the sun, if that didn't make it blatant enough! Sarcastic Hawke is never serious, but they’re also not particularly mean about their jokes (unless they're a mix of purple and red, then they might be).

Red Hawke: Oh for the love of- really? Right in front of my salad? Don't you hurt her feelings! Aggressive Hawke has the shovel talk handled, trust me. There were probably some creative comments involving nailing certain bits of anatomy to one of the twin statues Varric did anything to hurt Bethany, and possibly a warning shot her way about hurting their friend.

Anders: Hmmm? Oh, okay... what, who and who? Well, he'll admit he didn't see that one coming. He half-thought Varric wouldn't date anyone, what with how he talks about his crossbow. Either way, he sends a polite congratulations to the two and for the most part goes about his day, since his work keeps him busy. That night though, he actually sat down and planned out something better to say next time he saw the two.

Aveline: Oh Andraste preserve us there could be two of Varric at some point. Aveline already knew that, but the fact that he's now dating another person it properly hits. Despite her touches of dread, she remained civil, and she is actually happy for the two (especially if this happens after Hawke helps her with Donnic). Kirkwall is still one big tragedy after another, despite her best attempts, and she's glad there can still be joy.

Fenris: He genuinely offers the two of them a drink, probably at the Hanged Man since that's the easiest place to meet up. Mostly its just to catch up and congratulate them, but also because he's curious if either of the two act any different. And if he'll have to keep a closer eye on them in battle so nobody on his side gets cut in half because they were making heart eyes and not fighting.

Isabela: She'll have... talks with the people that give the two of them trouble, whether its because Bethany is a mage or Varric is a dwarf or both. These friendly conversations may or may not involve a knife, depending on the other persons behavior. Besides that, she definitely makes an inappropriate joke or two about it.

Merrill: Oh, how sweet! Merrill loves love honestly, and she thinks they look very adorable together! She might even make a gift for the two of them to celebrate! How about flower crowns? Would flower crowns be a good gift? Ohhhh, she could embroider something for them! It may not look the best, but she's quite proud of her work.

Sebastian: He probably says something along the lines of "Andrastes blessings on your relationship" and keeps going with whatever he's working on before he actually processes what he just got told. When that gets trough his head, he whips around to them and starts asking questions. Listen, its friendly concern! "When were you going to tell me?" "Just a minute ago Choir Boy."

[sylverstorms]

Lady Dimitrescu x Maiden ----Chivalry

It is late.

It is late, dammit! you repeat to yourself as you struggle to run through the healthy inches of white frost that cover the roads. The sky is grey, a clear indication it will snow again, but that is precisely what caused you to lose track of time so badly. And in this particular village, it is rumored staying out after sunfall is a fatal mistake.

Normally, you are not one to believe in such superstitions.

But nothing in this place you chose to call home is normal.

Though, to be fair to yourself, it isn’t much of a choice if it’s the only option left. Your family’s debts threatened to choke the life out of you after you lost your father –and you had to escape to the distant village of his birth. The same one he adamantly refused to talk about every time you asked, since childhood. Now you see why. You definitely see why.

The winter is ice cold. The summer –well, from what you’ve heard, that doesn’t really exist. Peerless, thick forests separate you completely from the outside world. The villagers range from highly superstitious to downright batshit crazy, which you guess –and hope— is from the isolation. That and the ‘incidents’. You choose to call them that so you don’t think of corpses and lose sleep at night.

The truth is… there are quite a lot of disappearances. An unsettling amount, if you’re honest. Still, there is a logical explanation besides the ‘werewolves and vampires and blood-witches’ nonsense you keep hearing about.

It baffles you why the villagers refuse to accept that it’s just the wolves. You’re surrounded by woods, for God’s sake and you hear them howling above the wind almost every night. They literally keep you awake sometimes. At the end of the day, though, they are just animals. Not supernatural monsters. Just good ol’ mother nature at her most brutal.

And in the off chance it isn’t, you don’t want to stay out long enough to find out.

Your steps hasten. It is a great relief when the sign of the shop near your house comes into view. Yes, almost made it! You cannot wait to have some warm soup and then curl into a ball underneath your heavy blankets.

Just as you are about to take the turn home, however, something catches your eye. Someone. Their presence is so jarring it makes you literally freeze in place and stare.

A woman you’ve never seen before –you’d know if you had, nothing about her is forgettable— ducks out of the store. Yes, she ducks, because she’s so incredibly tall there is no other way for her to fit through. Her height isn’t even the most stunning thing about her. Actually, you can’t decide what is.

It may be her spotless white dress and the way it hugs her luscious curves just right. It may be the wide-brimmed hat she wears, or the pearls that glimmer at her neck and ears, screaming of wealth. It may be her perfectly styled waves of dark hair and how stark they stand against the paleness of her skin. Or perhaps the ancient Greek, goddess-like beauty that is her profile.

You stand there breathless as she turns the other way, having spared you not a single glance. And why would she, when you’re a commoner and she looks like she has and is everything?

What is a woman like that doing here?  

She belongs in a palace guarded by knights, is your first thought. Then it clicks. She does, in fact, live in a palace. She must be the lady you hear the whole village whispering about, the one who owns the castle at the top of the mountain.

That… is such a hike from the village. How did she manage that in a dress and heels? And… wait. How isn’t she freezing to death? Even past your two layers of coats, you are shaking. The frost is biting. It’s biting hard.

You want to ask her if she’ll be alright on her own, but the first lesson you learned in the village is to mind your own business. People do not react well to kindness here.

So you make to follow your own path— only to halt again when a tiny shooting star of a shine slips down her back and falls into the snow. The lady doesn’t seem to notice. Curiosity killed the cat, they say, yet you walk forward to take a closer look.

An earring that looks more expensive than your entire wardrobe –and probably is— lies on the cold ground, lost and alone. You must be an idiot because it doesn’t even occur to you to sell it for a month’s worth of any meal you desire, until much, much later.

“Um— my lady!” you call out, before you can think twice about it. You don’t remember her name. What is the castle called? Oh, come on… Dimitrescu or something?

Thankfully, she stops and you don’t have to embarrass yourself further. When she turns, a cold breeze carries a wondrous, expensive perfume to your nostrils. Sandalwood, Chantilly musk. You are pinned in place by a pair of amber eyes that seem to positively glow from within. She’s terribly intimidating, even while she looks more amused than bothered by your delay.

You try not to stammer or stumble. “S-sorry to stall you. Your earring fell off.” you say over the pounding of your heart and the merciless chill. Your fingers are numb when you present the object to her like a tribute.

A gloved hand reaches up to her ear, slow, as if she’s in no hurry at all. “Ah.” she breathes. She even sounds as good as she looks. “How nice of you to return it, dear.”

That ‘dear’ shouldn’t make your mind glitch like a faulty machine so easily. You lament the fact your palm is so cold you can’t even feel the whisper of her glove against it as she takes her earring back. You stand so frozen underneath her towering height, her classy smell and studying, golden gaze for a moment you have all but forgotten the time.

A distant howl is quick to remind you.

Oh no!

Your instincts give an instant flight reaction, you want to make a dash for your house, but your blue eyes meet hers once more. The stunning lady either has a mean poker face or the sound doesn’t faze her at all. She seems to disregard it as blatantly as the cold.

“That— that’s not good.” So much for not stammering in front of the beautiful woman.

“Better hurry indoors, now.” she says it lightly, as if there’s an underlying joke in there somewhere. “Who knows what scary monsters a pretty dear like you may attract.”

A pretty— your brain shuts down and reboots on the spot. If the urge to run to safety wasn’t swelling so fast you’d have trouble speaking at all, after that. It is a small mercy your blood is too frozen in your veins to make your cheeks redden.

“But you… you’re not going back to your castle alone, right?” you ask. Surely, she’s not that crazy to trudge through the damn woods at this time. “S-shall I escort you to safety?”

The Lady blinks.

Then, she throws her head back in a brief, hearty laugh that tickles your ears in the best way.

“And they say chivalry is dead!” her voice sounds like whiskey. “You are too good for this village, darling, you really are.” as she says it, the very tip of her glove brushes over your cheek. A touch ghostly; quick to fade, though not from your skin. “Don’t you worry about me. Get indoors.” The last part sounds like an order.

You don’t have to be told twice.

You’re hesitant –why are you so worried about her?— but you step back with a nod. “Stay safe.” you say and dash towards your home without looking over your shoulder again.

The breath you’ve been keeping leaves you only after you’re safely inside with the doors and windows locked. The howling is getting closer. Louder. You can’t stop thinking about the woman –Lady Dimitrescu?— and hoping she sees the sunrise safe and sound.

Weirdly enough, nothing pads or scratches or makes noise around your house that night.

You fall into a deep sleep, dreaming of golden eyes and lips crimson like blood.

Ko-Fi

[emmys-grimoire]

Lesson 58 analysis + 59 predictions

I expected this lesson to drop tomorrow! It was a pleasant surprise. Sort of.

tl;dr Summary

When we last left our heroes, they were about to be decked by the bogeyman. We get saved, though! And it scampers off into a nearby room. The lesson is then just each brother tagging along with MC as they enter the room and one by one they get scared off, or do damage to the bogeyman.

Asmo’s greatest fear is just an uglier version of himself, which really does not lend any depth or credibility to the theory that he isn’t entirely self-involved. Belphie is frightened of a particular alarm clock that Satan once got him and possibly the dark (?).

Beelzebub at least gets an illusionary scene change with scary music + animated flame overlay, and his scene involves him accidentally hitting Belphegor with one of his attacks (bogeyman takes the form of Belphegor). The illusion backdrop is the Celestial Realm, so it’s clearly trying to draw a parellel between what is occurring in the illusion and what happened to Lilith.

Satan gets a similar treatment, only it’s a flaming coliseum and he’s being taunted by angel Lucifer about just being a budget Lucifer. Real Lucifer talks him out of it by pointing out their differences, but I found the things he brings up pretty surface level (he likes music while Satan prefers reading, Satan likes cats while he prefers dogs, etc.)

It seems like Satan’s wrath powers are enough to finally vanquish the bogeyman and everyone breathes a sigh of relief… UNTIL IT COMES BACK for one last round. You guessed it: it’s Lucifer’s turn.

A familiar shard of light appears in the corner of the screen, but Simeon seems to react more to it than Lucifer does. Lucifer tells him to calm down and claims it’s “his” light (spoiler: it’s not), and effortlessly banishes it once and for all. It’s very anti-climatic… because this isn’t the real climax.

Simeon, however, doesn’t recover right away. Or at all, really. We get interrupted when he’s ready to finally tell us (or later, Lucifer) what’s bothering him, so we’re kept in the dark. We receive our last star and celebrate becoming a full fledged sorcerer.

Only Luke has heard a rumor about a three-headed wolf prowling around that he informs us of via text. Guess what’s going to be the real climax?

EDIT: @obey-mes-treasure has a better explanation about Lucy's and Belphie's fears in the comments.

Analysis

Luke’s power

If we needed any confirmation that Luke has great potential, we got it in this lesson. The bogeyman’s powers don’t affect us because Luke’s blessing is still in effect and protecting us. He may be a smol angel, but his power rivals many of the high-ranking angels already. It explains why Michael has taken an interest in him, probably, but you’d think an angel like him would have been ranked already… unless Michael is deliberately refusing to rank him for some reason. Maybe he doesn’t want to train more archangels/soldiers given the three realms seem to be moving towards peace?

It does put Mammon mocking him by suggesting one day he could be a seraphim earlier in the season in a different light, though. Michael might be grooming him to be his heir, or something akin to that. It also explains why he didn’t worry about sending Luke into the Devildom in the first place, in spite of his youth. The kid could handle himself even if he isn’t aware of it.

Figure in the light

Lucifer and Simeon fear the same thing, but Lucifer handled facing whoever it was much better. I think this is probably daddy. The reason why Lucifer was capable of withstanding it is because he was preparing for his stand-off with their father for centuries before he finally rebelled, is my guess.

It could be Michael, but I expect Simeon interacts with him frequently, and he’s already made it pretty clear that he has a cavalier attitude about angering the guy in Season 2. Simeon could fear having to watch Michael and Lucifer fight again, though, if all three of them were close before the Great Celestial War. Can’t imagine that was a fun time for him.

But, if how the Celestial Realm as a whole functions is any indicator, all three of them probably fear Father the most. That fear kept them in line until it didn’t.

This also lends some credibility to the “empty throne” theory that posits Father has been absent for a prolonged period of time for some reason, if it is him.

This is the second time this season that Simeon has expressed these sort of doubts. I think someone is suffering from insecurities and regrets more and more these days, and it seems like associations with the Celestial Realm trigger them. I doubt he’s going to fall – like I’ve said before, he actually seems to enjoy partaking in the standard angel duties – but it is noteworthy. He might have a complicated relationship with Father, too.

The three-headed wolf

This is going to be the actual climax, which is kind of dumb considering it literally was introduced this lesson. Just dropped in there.

I don’t think Cerberus is a wolf, though? He looked more like a hound in his art. Looking up “three headed wolf” on Google gets you Cerberus, though.

Predictions

We’re going to deal with the wolf thing next lesson and then have a rushed season ending or end it on a cliffhanger. It’s going to make a mess of things and we’ll have to tame it, and/or a certain SOMEONE in the Celestial Realm will need to step in to keep collateral damage to a minimum. Still confident he’s showing up in some capacity.

HOPEFULLY we’ll finally get confirmation about the identity of the celestial light person that the bogeyman tried to emulate. But we don’t get that closure in this lesson.

Not sure if this is going exceed Season 1 or Season 2’s quality, though. The ring of light suddenly being introduced at least gave us more insight into Simeon’s character and the telepathic conversation with Michael. Suddenly introducing a new beastie to fight in the second to last lesson of the season seems way too heavy-handed, and I’m not sure it’s at all related to whatever Michael’s plot is.

I guess we’re saving the answer to that question for season 4?

[shadowedmoonlight]

3 Times Virgil Came Out to Others + 1 Time Someone Came Out to Him

I am aware that I am a few hours late, but this is the longest oneshot I've ever written

Day 3: Coming out

Warnings: Food mention, talk of sexual attraction (In regards to asexuality), anxiety, disassociation (brief)

Summary: In which the story gains a plot ft. fluff and hurt/comfort

Word count: 4025

Read on Ao3

Masterlist

1.

Virgil hadn’t been this terrified in a long time. He knew that being gay shouldn’t be that big of a deal, in regards to his two gay fathers, but he couldn’t stop the terrifying thoughts from running through their head.

What if they thought he was too young to have figured himself out? They were only fifteen after all. Is he even sure they're gay? And what would they think about the pronouns thing? Vigil had no idea where their dads stood on transgender rights.

They had planned to do it after dinner. That way he could have one last dinner of peace in the unlikely event of something going wrong. It's more likely than you think they’re gonna kick you out, you’re gonna have to live on the streets

Emile had made spinach lasagna that night. Virgil’s favorite. But he could hardly enjoy it due to the nerves stirring in his stomach. Instead, he moved the food around on his plate and attempted to pay attention to the conversation occurring before him.

He believed his dad was telling some dramatic story about some lady that came into the coffee shop. They normally would be completely invested in that sort of thing, but they just couldn’t focus with all the thoughts running around his head.

What is he gonna do if he gets kicked out? They can’t live on the streets. He can barely work a stove. How would he live on his own? Maybe Remus or Janus would take him in? No, they have their own problems. They shouldn’t burden them with his own problems. But how would he-

“Virgil? What do you think?” A voice cut through his spiral.

“Hm- wha-?” Virgil couldn’t recall for the life of them what he was supposed to be responding to. He looked up to see his parents both looking at him concernedly.

“You feeling okay, hon? It's not like you to space out like that,” Emile asked.

Virgil winced. He had to learn to be less obvious to when they were stressed. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

They still looked doubtful. “Are you sure?” Remy raised an eyebrow.

Virgil nodded and tried for a small smile. He didn’t think it was successful, however, when his parents exchanged a worried glance. His leg bounced slightly under the table. Why couldn’t they relax?

Emile started to collect the dishes but paused when their eyes landed on Virgil’s still-full plate. He glanced again at their husband, and then their son.

“Maybe you should head to bed early tonight. You hardly touched your food. You might be coming down with something.” Virgil saw Remy stand up as his Papa spoke. He offered them a hand.

“Babes, I think that might be a good idea. You’re looking a bit pale- well, paler than usual with all that foundation you cake on. Don’t think I don’t notice.” Virgil blushed, slightly. His experimentation with makeup had been one of his ways to tone down their glaring masculinity.

In response to the first statement, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to put this off another day. They weren’t sure they had enough energy or confidence to go through with this. With a little hesitation, they grabbed Remy's hand and hauled himself to their feet.

Emile smiled sadly at their son’s submissiveness. He had to have been really tired with the way his eyes kept wandering. They abandoned the dishes they were holding, grabbed his other hand, and started leading Remy and Virgil upstairs.

Virgil blinked and suddenly he was in their room. They sat between his parents on his bed. Emile had them leaning against their side as Remy rubbed soft circles into his back. His eyes darted around in confusion.

Remy glanced down and let out a sigh of relief. “Welcome back to this plane of existence.”

Emile smacked their husband lightly. “Sorry baby, we didn’t want to leave you alone while you were disassociating.” Virgil’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. They didn’t remember going into an episode.

Remy kissed his forehead and stood up. “We’ll leave you to your peace now. Let us know if you need anything.” Emile began to follow.

Virgil bit their lip. Was he really going to go through all this stress just to chicken out? He took a breath. He was strong. They could do this.

“Wait,” they called out, lightly. “I need to talk to you about something.” His parents halted in their place in the doorway and came back to sit next to them.

“What is it, babe? Did something happen?” Remy grabbed one of his hands.

“No, not exactly,” Virgil said. His breath was starting to stutter.

“Take your time,” Emile said, softly.

Virgil attempted to calm their breathing. It's highly unlikely that this will have a bad outcome, half of his brain rationalized. They are gay themselves, after all.

Yeah, but what about the pronoun thing? The other half argued. You have no idea what they’ll think of it.

Virgil took another deep breath and opened his mouth to speak. They may as well start with the easy one. “I’m… I’m gay.”

Remy placed a hand on his chest and sighed dramatically. “Oh thank god,” he exclaimed. “I’m not sure I could have handled it if I had to raise a straight son.”

Emile smacked him again. Virgil winced slightly at the word ‘son.’ Remy seemed to notice his discomfort and scooted closer. “Of course we love and accept you and everything, but that's all kind of obvious considering, well,” he lifted his hand as wiggled his ring finger, “Is there something else on your mind?”

Virgil nodded, “I, um, want to start using different pronouns. He/they.”

Emile lit up. “Ooh, we can match!”

Virgil’s head shot up. “What?”

Both Emile and Remy looked confused for a second before a horrifying realization dawned on them.

“Did I- never tell you I’m non-binary?” Emile asked, tentativly. They were sure they told Virgil at some point.

Virgil couldn’t help themself. He started to laugh hysterically. After a moment their parents joined in.

“I’m sorry- I just- I’m fifteen years old and you never thought to tell me that vital piece of information?” Virgil wiped tears from his eyes as he continued to giggle.

Emile was bright red. “Trust me, I’m mortified.”

Remy groaned. “That makes two of us.”

Virgil snorted. “I was so worried about how’d you react and this whole time you’re the same thing.”

“Oh honey,” Emile exclaimed. “You should never be worried about telling us something. We support you no matter what.”

“Of course,” Remy added. “What kind of hypocrites would we be if we said otherwise?”

Virgil pulled them both into a hug. “You’re the best parents anyone could ask for.”

2.

Sanders High School had an interesting dynamic. There were two main groups that everyone at school was invested majorly in. Most, if not all, of the gossip in school was directed at them. They were envied. They were hated. They were idolized. They were the closest thing Sanders High ever had to celebrities. The Dark Sides and The Light Sides.

Everyone that saw them would assume they were the rivals. Bickering and prank wars were constant. Classroom debates between members could last hours if not moderated. Each group consisted of three members.

First up is Roman Prince, the flamboyant jock and theater nerd. He was the first kid at school to break through harmful gender stereotypes. Before he came to school, any boy that joined theater was seen as weak and nerdy. Roman was the first openly gay kid on the football team- as quarterback no less- and the first jock to join the drama program. He was unapologetically himself in everything he did. He often came to school in skirts and dresses and there was rarely a day he could be seen without his signature red lipstick. Despite his smashing of stereotypes, Roman is the only cis kid in both the light and dark sides (not that everyone is out to the school like he is, or even to each other). He has the most social media followers out of anyone in the school, and was the one to first publicize the two groups. Roman is a proud member of The Light Sides.

Next is Patton Hart, the bubbly, adorable student council president. Everybody loved Patton and they loved everybody. Patton is one of the kindest kids in the school. He’s always willing to drop everything to help somebody or cheer someone up. They met Roman when they were young and they’ve been inseparable ever since. Some might say they’re dating, but a select few know otherwise.

Last in The Light Sides is Logan Berry. Logan is objectively the smartest kid in school. He is rumored to be taking all AP classes. How that’s possible, no one knows. Everyone knows that Logan will be Valedictorian at the end of the year. There’s no other logical choice. Somehow, even with all that, they also manage to be co-captain of the debate club. Patton and Roman somehow managed to rope them into their small group sometime during elementary school. Again, how that’s possible, no one knows. Logan is extremely stone-faced to people they're not close with. Some think he might be a robot with how emotionless he is most of the time. Those people, however, have never seen him with a jar of Crofters. (But if they knew their secret, everyone would think so).

Over in the dark sides, we have Janus Lies. Genderfluid icon. Their coming out started a revolution of sorts at Sanders High. So many kids came out as non-binary or genderfluid or something in between, the school ended up getting rid of gendered bathrooms entirely. A new genderfluid locker room was built in the PE building and the academic teachers revised their gendered way of teaching. But, back to Janus. They were the most sarcastic person you’d ever meet. So much so, it became difficult for people to tell if they were telling the truth. Their trademark hat and gloves stayed on no matter what the occasion. They also co-captained the debate club with Logan. They grouped together with Remus and Virgil before anyone could remember, including the three dark sides.

Remus Prince, twin of Roman Prince, is the extremely crude drama student and class clown. They are known for their dark sense of humor and sexual disruptions of class. The teachers have learned to just ignore them, as countless trips to detention were fruitless in correcting their behavior. Although they privately came out before Janus, they were more private socially when it came to their gender. Until that is, Janus came out and was accepted. After that, Remus showed no limits in expressing themself.

Lastly, there is Virgil Picani, the emo nightmare themself. He is in almost every club at school, including but not limited to drama, debate, GSA, writing, and volunteering. His sarcastic personality is no stranger to anybody, although it is much more subdued than Janus’s. Virgil came out to Janus and Remus before he had even fully figured himself out yet. He had not, however, come out to any of the light sides as gay or genderqueer.

And that brings us to today. As mentioned earlier, anyone that saw the two groups would assume they had a strong rivalry. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The reality is, although they did start out as rivals, the six of them have a strong friendship. They keep up the facade of competitors for sake of reputation (and a little fun never hurt anybody). Once Roman and Remus had gotten over their sibling rivalry, the six of them had discovered that they shared many of the same interests. They started hanging out after school and now it is rare to see one of the group without another.

Virgil knows that he has nothing to worry about. Roman is gay, and both Patton and Logan already use he/they pronouns. They accepted Janus and Remus without question. It won’t be any different for him. All they actually had to do was tell them.

But here lies the issue. Virgil thought they had already. It wasn’t until the first day of pride month that he realized their mistake.

They decided to make pronoun pins for all the kids in GSA. So, naturally, he made one for himself as well. They weren't publicly out yet, but it was perfectly okay for them to wear them inside the safety that was the gay-straight alliance.

Virgil was struggling to attach his pin to their shirt when Janus came over to help. Virgil noted the blue bracelet. Janus looked surprised as he read the contents of the pin.

“You told them?” He asked, incredulously. “I thought you would tell me when you finally did it.”

Virgil was confused. “What do you mean? I came out to them… shoot.”

Janus snorted. “You totally don’t need to tell them. This isn’t getting out of hand at all.”

Virgil blushed red. “I honestly thought I did! I’ll do it now, okay?”

They didn’t wait for a response before marching over to Roman, Logan, and Patton and dragging them outside of the classroom. He ignored the curious looks of their classmates, most likely wondering what they were fighting about this time.

They closed the door behind them and looked around quickly, making sure there was no one else around. He turned back to the group that was looking at him, slightly concerned.

Virgil rolled their eyes at their expressions. “Oh calm down, I just forgot to tell you something, is all.”

Logan cleared their throat and straightened up. “And that is?”

“I genderqueer, he/they, and gay.”

“Yay!” Patton exclaimed and pulled him into a hug. “I’m proud of you for being yourself.”

Patton pulled back and Virgil caught the expressions of the other two. Logan was looking at him with a delighted expression on their face. “I had my suspicions.”

Roman furrowed his brows. “So did I, but I must ask, why wait so long to tell us? Surely you knew that we would accept you wholeheartedly.”

Virgil snorted. “I actually did the same thing my Papa did with me. I thought I told you all ages ago.” They all laughed at that.

“We should probably get back,” Logan remarked, “Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us this.”

3.

Virgil felt nervous, but not extremely so.

He knew nothing would go wrong. So many kids had come out in the past year at Sanders High, the school had made pronoun pins mandatory to avoid misgendering. All they had to do was wear the new pin he had grabbed from the office the day before. He also planned to wear a rainbow shirt to identify themself as the flaming homosexual he is.

The only real thing they were worried about would be the gossip surrounding them for the next week or so. Someone coming out is hardly a rare occurrence, but they were one of the most popular kids in school. He was certain that there were at least a few bets going around school on whether they were queer or not. To be fair, he was the only member of the Light and Dark sides to never confirm any rumors about gender or sexuality. And it's not as if he’s really hid anything. He’s just never confirmed.

But they’re ready to change that. They pull on their rainbow shirt, do their makeup slightly more dramatic than usual, and debate for a moment over the plaid purple skirt his dads had gotten him a few years ago. It matched his usual hoodie perfectly, but he had yet to wear it outside the house. There was no reason not to wear it. Why not spend his first day publicly out AGAP (as gay as possible)?

They arrive at school with an air of confidence around them that he hadn’t felt in a while. As he walked through the hallways, he saw a few looks of disappointment, but most were of excitement and joy. They caught a few thumbs up and cheers in the crowd as well.

He found the other two members of the Dark Sides standing at Virgil’s locker, both wearing identical looks of pride as they stared at him. They walked directly up to the pair, smirking slightly. Once he was within earshot, Remus grasped their head with one hand and Janus’s shoulder, striking a dramatic pose.

“Do you see that Jan Jan? Our little slime monster is all grown up!” Virgil rolled their eyes at their best friend’s antics. Janus lifted their wrist to show off her pink band. Despite the new rule about pronoun pins, Janus still kept her bracelet system in place. She claimed it to be simpler and more efficient.

She slung her arm around Virgil’s shoulders. She leaned in and said in a low voice, “I really am proud of you.”

Remus jumped on his back. “That makes two of us!”

+1

Virgil had always enjoyed Logan’s company. They were the only person out of the group of six that allowed him some peace.

He could also be a captivating conversation partner. Listening to Logan ramble on about whatever he was currently studying was one of Virgil's favorite pastimes. The way his eyes lit up when you asked him about something they were interested in was adorable. And his voice would take on this gorgeous tone to it that Virgil knows not many people get to hear.

Their weekly study session was the thing that Virgil looked forward to the most. Every Thursday, they get to spend hours in a room with the most beautiful person he knows. They love the way Logan will straighten his tie or fix his hair even when they’re both immaculate. He loves the way they slowly and patiently explain the answer to something Virgil gets wrong, never criticizing them or getting frustrated.

Virgil may have developed an itty bitty crush on them over the years.

Not that they will ever tell him. They don’t even know where he stands on sexuality. He has only been open about their gender. And he doesn’t want to complicate their relationship for the sake of some silly crush.

The two of them sat in Virgil’s room doing homework. Logan sat on their bed, while Virgil had opted for the floor. They had hardly spoken a word to each other in the past few hours (a normal occurrence for their weekly get-togethers), but Virgil could tell something was bothering Logan. They’d been fidgeting for the past hour or so, and had seemed tense and nervous all day.

Virgil placed their bookmark into his book and groaned loudly. “If I have to read one more word of this, I think my eyes might literally start bleeding.”

Logan also marked their page before looking up. “That is highly unlikely. The amount of force that would cause one's eyeballs to ‘literally’ start bleeding is far more than would be caused by eye strain. Additionally, subconjunctival hemorrhage has not been linked to overuse and is instead usually caused by some sort of trauma to the eye. So unless you are planning to hit yourself in the face with the book, it will not cause your eyes to hemorrhage.”

Virgil huffed a laugh, internally cooing at how adorable they are when explaining something. “I guess you’re right. I can’t read anymore though.”

Logan cleaning their glasses on the edge of his shirt. “I agree with that statement.”

Virgil looked at him closely. Cleaning their glasses is a sort of nervous tick for him. And they had done it multiple times in the last hour. “Okay, what's going on? You’ve been nervous and weird all afternoon.”

Logan cleared his throat. “Nothing of importance.”

“So there is something!” Virgil exclaimed.

They blanched. “No, of course not. What would be wrong at the moment?”

Virgil gave them a look. “I never said that there was something wrong.”

Logan stood up quickly and started gathering his materials. “Well, it’s getting late. I must head home now in order to be at dinner at an adequate time.”

Virgil grabbed their arm. “Wait, Logan, there’s still hours until you need to leave. If you really don’t want to talk about whatever’s bothering you, we don’t have to. But if you do, I’m here and ready to listen.”

Logan shot them a grateful look. “I truly appreciate that Virgil. I will keep your offer in mind.”

They resumed their study positions and all was silent for a few minutes. Virgil couldn’t keep their mind off of Logan. He hoped that whatever was troubling him could be resolved easily. He didn’t want him to be distressed.

Eventually, Logan stiffly placed his books beside him and turned to their study partner. At the shift in movement, Virgil also put away their materials and prepared to listen, moving to sit next to them on their bed.

“I would like you to not speak until I am done speaking if that is acceptable for you.” Virgil immediately agreed. They would never interrupt him when they were having such a serious conversation.

“My sincerest gratitude. I-” Logan paused. They took a stuttering breath. Virgil reached out and took his hand, attempting to provide some form of comfort.

“I am not a robot. I know that there are some that may think otherwise. Aside from the vast technological inaccuracies in that statement, contrary to popular belief, I do have emotions. I do experience love. Just not in the same way as others do. From a young age, I have known that I have felt no sexual attraction. The idea of sex repulsed me far more than I can explain, even past the age of maturity. I have no desire to love anybody in that way. And I never will.

“I was under the impression that the same went for romantic attraction. I had never felt any sort of romantic feelings for a female. But recent… variables have shown me otherwise. I do not feel any romantic attraction for people of the female gender or sex. I do, however, experience attraction to people of the same gender. These people fall under the male and non-binary spectrum. In conclusion, I am asexual and homoromantic. I am finished, you may speak now.”

Virgil was delighted by the news. They had just confirmed that his crush could possibly be attracted to him. They didn’t care about the asexual part. It changed none of his feelings towards the academic prodigy.

They made the mistake of staying silent for a moment too long. That became evident when he looked at Logan’s face. Any positive feelings he had melted into concern.

“Oh, Lo,” they said softly, “You’re crying.” He brought his hand to Logan’s cheek and wiped away the silent tears that had trickled down with their thumb.

Logan's voice wobbled as they spoke. “My apologies.”

“No,” Virgil cooed, “you have nothing to apologize for. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re accepting yourself and I am so proud of you for that.”

That seemed to be all it would take for their dam to break. Soft sobs escaped his mouth and he brought up a hand to try to muffle them.

Virgil made a sympathetic noise and wrapped them up in their arms. He cupped the back of Logan’s neck with one hand and used the other to rub soothing circles into his back. Logan gripped their hoodie tightly as they cried into their shoulder.

Virgil whispered quiet words of encouragement to him. Eventually, Logan seemed to finally be calming down. His tears dwindled into quiet sniffles and they sagged into his chest. The emotional exhaustion of the day in addition to the exergy expelled by crying made him unbelievably tired.

Virgil shifted the two so they were lying down on his bed, Logan cuddled against their chest. They could feel his breaths evening out rapidly.

Virgil pressed a small kiss into his forehead, wishing more than anything that they could do it when Logan could remember.

Let me know if you want to be added to the non-existent tag list!

[mysmegrace]

Hi! I’d love a short fic of Zen with a shy yet bubbly MC in a Christmas Fake Dating scenario <33 Hopefully with some anxious pining and a love confession at the end if that’s okay! I’ve been musing over this sweet scenario for a pretty long time and wanted to make my small dream come true

hey hey hey~ (ew im sounding like my old math teacher lol). i'd love to write that for you! sorry this came out a little late, i've been offline and working on other things. i hope i did this justice! 

summary: GD entertainment, the company zen works with, is throwing a christmas party. giving many of the actors special benefits, one of which is a free 2021 computer model for people who had brought in their significant others. zen could really use the upgrade, hence why he asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend for the night. he also asked you because he had feelings for you and figured that tonight would be the perfect night.

topics: christmas time, pretending to date, love confessions, romantic pinning, fluff.

words: 2k

For the Night, Or a Lifetime - Zen x MC

---

"are you sure this is alright to do zen..? i mean, what if rumors start to spread or they think badly of us?" you responded briskly. you were worried this would take a hit to his career, not to mention your anxious thoughts building up around the fact that you may have to speak with his boss and co-workers.

when zen had initially showed up 15 minutes prior, you were dumbfounded. last time you had spoke to him on the messenger, he had told you about some work he needed to finish up. yet an hour later, he was at your front door asking for you to act as his girlfriend tomorrow for the companies christmas party.once he had explained why to clear up your confusion, you weren't sure how to react. of course you would like to help him, but what if things didn't go as planned? what if you ended up ruining the night? you weren't secure in your acting abilities either.

"it'd be fine, i promise. we'll just act like a normal couple throughout the night and no one will suspect a thing" you heard him say, breaking your train of thought. looking up to meet his gaze, you quickly broke eye contact to contemplate your next action.

you knew zen could use the new computer, you’ve seen how old his current one was. but the fear of denting his career wouldn’t go away. you look up to meet him again, looking for a sign of reassurance or dismay. 

god those puppy eyes you gave to you. how could you say no? giving it another minutes, you eventually give in, saying “alright, but if something starts to happen we have to come clean”.

a breath he was unaware of holding came free as he heard your confirmation. a weight had been lifted off his shoulders because unbeknownst to you, he was planning to come clean about his feelings for you tomorrow night. so far, the plan was going just the way he was hoping for. 

“thank you babe, i’ll repay you back for this one day!” he said, giving his gratitude. “i’ll call when i come to pick you up” he adds, before turning to leave. it had already gotten late and he knew better than to stay with you for any longer while the moon was tempting him. no, that stuff would have to wait until the time was right.

watching as he left, the click of the door confirming it, your mind had completely gone blank on you. did that really just happen, you thought. you could hardly contain your excitement once he proposed the plan.

but you knew how the industry and his fans were. sure many were great, but many also say zen as a trophy they could reserve to themselves. a romantic partner could damage his career as allegations and opinions started floating around.

at the same time, it was difficult to hide. you had felt something for him that was so unfamiliar to you. something you could only identify as love. but what if he didn’t feel this same? what if...

enough, you told yourself. it was too late to get emotional and curious about what might happen. perhaps it would be better to rest and let your mind heal it’s anxiety for the time being. so that you did, drifting off while fantasying about the future, though you would never admit that.

a knock at the door caught your attention, allowing you to briefly look up from your phone. the sky had changed as christmas had arrived. everything was ready for your night as you had prepared once he had alerted you of his travel. 

opening the door, you gave a smile to greet him. one he returned promptly, pulling you into a friendly embrace. your heart skipped a beat, so anxious that you might do something he wouldn’t like. your body wouldn’t even offer you peace of mind to enjoy the closeness.

eventually letting go, you pulled your jacket on in a swift motion as you followed zen’s footsteps. being led to his motorcycle, a helmet was presented to you. “don’t worry, i’ll be safe. can’t damage precious cargo” he reassured you. 

god, was he trying to embarrass you, you thought as you felt yourself heating up. slowly gathering the courage to meet his eyesight again, you found him with a grin plastered across his lower face.

the nerve, though you’d have to let it slide for now. hoping on the ride, you heard the engine rear up as you went on your. wind hitting your face from all angles, moving your hair in whichever way it desired. 

pulling up to the event, you fixed your hair the best you could with your fingers with little time to spare. feeling your hand being grabbed, you looked towards zen, expressing a confident smile. in reality, you couldn’t believe what you had gotten yourself into.

taking the lead, zen greeted the people at the entrance in a polite yet swift manner. in your luck, they managed to find the time to question zen about your role to him. “she’s my girlfriend” he answered, before gesturing for the two of you to walk in.

the room was full of traditional christmas decorations with the occasional piece related to acting and performance. you quite liked it if you were honest. your attention was quickly redirected to the co-worker approaching the two of you.

oh no, you thought. what would you say to leave a good impression for zen and yourself as a pretend couple? remembering zen’s past words of advice, being confident and positive, you decided to adopt that attitude for the remainder of the evening.

“hyun, who’s this?” the person asked, leaving an eyebrow subtly raised. zen flashed a quick glance at you before responding “ah, she’s my girlfriend”. now was your time to shine. don’t mess this up, you told yourself.

“hello~ i’m mc. gorgeous event right?” you said with the nicest expression you could muster up. now you were left to hope you didn’t come across as too obnoxious or nervous.

“hello mc, pleasure to meet you” the co-worker greeted, reaching out a hand in your direction. slightly taken aback, you met his hand as you were involved in the handshake. that wasn’t so bad, right? maybe tonight would be easier than expected.

leading you to make a mental note of the three things you wanted to portray yourself as this evening. that being energetic, respectful, and adding in a tad of humor.

this formula seemed to be going well. an hour had already passed and nobody seemed to have a problem with you, openly at least. yet things started going down hill when you had a couple down further in the area whisper “things aren’t adding up with those two”.

a males voice added onto that, saying “i doubt they’re a real couple. look at them, neither one of them has shown the other any form of affection since they’ve gotten here”. you couldn’t find the words to say as you stood in slight horror.

how were they able to catch on? you thought you were doing good all night, making the environment relaxed and laid back. little to your knowledge, zen had heard the couple as well.

without giving it much thought, he knew he had to prove their thoughts wrong. hence why you suddenly felt yourself taken by the hands, pinned against the wall behind you. looking up in shock, you were met with zen’s face going in a kiss. of course, you couldn’t push him away. 

kissing him back, he found himself not wanting to stop. his rational mind took over quickly, pulling away. staring at you face to face, you could read the shock in his eyes. as if he was surprised by his actions. 

shock was something evident in your mind at the time too. you didn’t know what to think, what to feel. too many emotions were present for you to ever make sense of.

releasing your hands, he subtly went back to your side the same way he was before. almost as if it didn’t happen. yet you promptly heard his voice whisper “can we talk about this later?”.

without giving it much thought, you nodded in reply. you had so many new things to think about, you needed time. but in a good turn of events, the couple were no longer questioning your relationship status.

time passed in a slow motion, though reality reminded you that only an hour had passed once you looked at the clock. people were beginning to say their goodbyes, being given many gifts by the hosts. you and zen included as the computer was given for your leave.

returning to the motorcycle, you put on your helmet once again, as did zen. he would drive as you held onto the gifts in the back. this time, the wind wasn’t a bother to you. it had cooled off the heat from your face, deriving from the sudden actions of zen.

reaching your apartment complex, you got off the vehicle. looking nowhere but down as your feet carried you to your apartment, zen following behind you. as soon as your entered the familiar room, the fatigue from todays events had caught up to you.

now you were left with zen to discuss all that occurred. yet it took you a second to collect yourself for the conversation. you had no idea where this would go, you only hoped it would result in something good.

you heard the males voice begin to speak, “i’m sorry about doing that tonight, i should’ve asked first. i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”. your thoughts paused for a quick second as something new entered. you didn’t want him to feel bad about anything, he didn’t deserve it.

“no no, you didn’t make me uncomfortable, i enjoyed it to be honest” you replied in a haste. your face changed as you really started to take in what you had just told him. you hadn’t meant to let that last part slide.

on second thought, perhaps it was a good thing to get it out there. you couldn’t hide your feelings forever. now it was zen’s time to become a visible shade of pink. were you serious...?

god that made him so happy. the last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable and hate him. worried thoughts filled his head for a split second before you came in to save this sanity, as you always did.

“i’m.. glad to hear that. i was worried you would be upset. look, i have something to confess” he started, deciding now was the time. he observed as your eyes became a tad bit bigger as your mouth opened slightly in a curious form.

continuing, he said “i’ve had feelings for you ever since you joined the rfa. i couldn’t understand them at first, thinking i was juust lonely and desperate. but as time goes on, i can understand why”.

“mc, you’ve made my life change for the better. i can’t imagine life without you. so, will you go out with me? we don’t have to play pretend anymore” he finishes, lightening up the mood ever so slightly during the end. 

to say you were ecstatic was an understatement. finally your prayers were being answered. you could feel as your cheeks flushed before you gave your answer.

“yes, of course i will” you responded softly, as if speaking any louder would make this go away. standing in comfortable silence, zen was content with your answer. offering his gorgeous smile for your eyes only.

“thank you, ha you’ve gotten me so stocked. i have to prepare for practice so i’ll see you tomorrow.” he says, the tone of his voice raising noticeably. you give him a nod of approval, but become flustered at the words he said before leaving through the door.

“merry christmas, sleep well love” he sang out, before closing the door behind him. how did he expect you to sleep once he’s gotten you all worked up, you thought. giggling to yourself, you felt as the fatigue became even more present now that you were home.

laying down to rest, you were grateful for the best christmas gift you had received this year. the one that would be stuck with you for a long, long time.

---

15:43 AST - 07/28/21

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: Negan keeps a close eye on his ex Deena after learning that the man she is currently with has a history of abuse.]

Negan and Deena PART TWO

Smut/drama/TW:physical abuse

"What do you wanna know about Michael?" Simon asked a bit confused as they stepped into his apartment.

"Everything. Anything you know."

"Well shit-" Simon scratched his head trying to make himself remember anything about this man on the spot.

"I dont know, I met him like a decade ago. I'd always see him at the Jackson bar on Friday nights. I dont think he has any kids. He used to date this one girl for a while but I dont know what happened with her. We used to hear rumors but-"

"What rumors?"

"I-I dont think they were true but-"

"What fucking rumors?"

"Some people used to say he'd smack his girlfriend around but I dont know man, I never saw any proof."

Negan knit his brow giving Simon a death stare.

"And you didnt think to tell me this after I told you the mother of my child was with this man?"

"Negan I-" before Simon could finish Negan grabbed him by the collar and gave him a hard shake.

"You didnt think to tell me my woman could be with someone dangerous!"

"Your woman? Negan I swear I didnt remember." Negan didnt respond staring at him for a moment before finally letting him go and taking a deep breath.

"What happened, did he do something to Deena?"

Negan sat down and ran his hands over his face in frustration.

"She wont tell me but I know something is not right."

"Shes not going to tell you, remember you're an asshole in her eyes so I doubt she'd tell you even if something was wrong." Simon lit up a cigarette leaning back on his chair.

"Listen, I may be an asshole but I never fucking touched Deena. I never lay a hand on her." Negans knee was shaking as he sat back and thought of what the truth could be, Simon had never seen him this concerned.

"Hey man, maybe its not even like that. You cant bombard her with it, you know how she is. She'll shut down. Just give it time, if something else looks weird, act on it but till then just wait cause we really dont know."

Negan knew Simon was right in a way. Deena wouldnt admit it even if it was true and he didnt have solid evidence.

Instead Negan was going to make it a habit now to show up more often to see Jack. Of course during his visits with Jack he'd make sure you were ok without asking you anything. He would just keep a closer eye on you.

As he planned, Negan showed up more throughout the week to see Jack. Everytime he had been there Michael wasnt there, yet he still noticed you keep to yourself more than usual. Of course you had to keep to yourself more, you didn't want to upset Michael again. Part of you knew your feelings were still strong for Negan but you didnt want to acknowledge it because of how much he had hurt you. Michael was someone new who you convinced to yourself wasnt that bad. You did call him another mans name, part of you was almost making yourself believe it was your fault what occured. Michael hadn't touched you since, as long as you didnt upset him you were fine is what you would tell yourself.

Negan was in the living room with Jack while you began cooking dinner for when Michael would arrive. You could hear Negan being playful with Jack, it was a sweet sound that made your heart flutter.

Negan sighed putting the baby down in his playpen before looking towards the kitchen. He walked in as you stirred the food, leaning his shoulder on the doorway watching you quietly cook.

"You look beautiful."

Your heart immediately began to race, trying not to put much thought to it or even look his way, you smiled.

"Thank you."

Negan slowly walked in to the kitchen looking around. He noticed some things had been changed from where you originally had them. He noticed something sitting beside the food pantry he hadn't noticed before.

"What's this?" Negan asked opening the box to find a stack of tools.

"Wait, Negan-" you ran to him taking the tool from his hand and putting it back in the box carefully.

"This is Michael's and he doesnt like it to be touched." Negans face quickly changed noticing how nervously you reacted.

"What does he live here now?"

"No. He just has some things here. That's all, just don't touch it please. Hes really picky with his things."

You walked back to the pot of food that was almost done cooking as Negan crossed his arms not taking his eyes off you. He had never seen you act this way before.

"You must really like this guy huh?" He asked just to see your reaction, he knew there was something more making you act this way.

"Mhm." You responded without making eye contact.

"Mhm." Negan pressed his lips together before you were both interrupted by the sound of the door unlocking.

"That must be Michael now."

"He has the fucking keys? Since when?"

"Negan please. I just gave it to him for today since I thought I was going to be alone with Jack." You quickly walked out to greet Michael at the door. The more Negan realized things, the more angrier he became. This man was trying to claim all of this as his. He was trying to gain a power over you and you couldnt see it.

Negan walked out of the kitchen to catch Michael with his lips on yours. Negan right away got a bad taste in his mouth at the sight before Michael looked up at him.

"Negan. I didnt know you were here."

"Yeah. Came by to check on my son and Deena. Have to make sure shes ok here by herself with him."

"Oh I'm sure I have a good watch on that." Michael quickly responded.

"Yeah well an extra eye doesnt hurt." Negan grinned trying to keep himself composed. The silence that followed made you anxious and uncomfortable.

"So are you ready for dinner?"

"Yes!" Both men eagerly responded at the same time, making you more anxious. It was clear these men did not like each other and had no problem in showing it.

Negan watched as Michael sat and let you serve him. He could tell you were nervous as you served his plate, of course you were. You had not expected Negan to stay for dinner.

"Thank you, baby." Michael said loudly as you turned to walk towards Negan with the food when he suddenly spanked your ass hard making you gasp. Negan grabbed his knee under the table hard, he knew Michael was doing this to purposely piss him off and boy was it working. As you were about to serve Negan he stood up and grabbed the pot of food from you.

"I got it, Dee. Sit down, shit you been on your feet all day."

"Dee? I've never heard anyone call her Dee." Michael cleared his throat looking up at Negan with a raised brow. Michael clearly didnt like the sound of the little nickname Negan had for you.

"Only I do. Old habit." Negan knew what he was doing and if Michael wanted to get under his skin, he knew how to get under his too. Taking a deep breath you sat down next to Jack, making sure he was comfortable in his high chair and began to eat. There was silence for a moment until Michael noticed the lid on his box of tools was not left the way he had left it the day before.

"What happened with my tool box?" Michael's question instantly made you nervous.

"Oh I-"

"That was me." Negan interrupted not liking the tone in his voice when he spoke to you.

"You let Negan touch my tool box?"

"She didnt let me touch anything. I thought it was something I had left here so I went to take a look." Negan responded confidently.

"I dont know why you would think anything here belongs to you, you dont live here."

"As far as I'm concerned, neither do you." Negan shot back.

"Ok stop." You spoke hesitantly as the men stared at each other angrily.

"Can we just enjoy dinner?"

The rest of the dinner was silent, you didn't make eye contact with either of the men. Negan stood up and was soon getting ready to leave. He leaned in beside you to give Jack a kiss. You could smell his scent close to you, Michael quietly stared at you as you stared down at your plate of food.

"Let me know if you need anything, Deena." You heard his voice close to your ear.

Negan walked out not liking the idea of him leaving you alone with Michael. In reality, what could he do without you acknowledging anything or him having proof? He would just look like a jealous man, which he could admit jealous he was. Negan left and you could feel Michael's eyes on you.

"I trust you to not let your ex touch my belongings or disrespect me."

"I told him not to touch it, Michael. I really did."

"Dont." He slammed his fist on the table making you jump. Jack began to cry making you quickly pull him out of his high chair and comfort him.

"Dont lie to me, Deena."

"Michael stop it. Im not lying to you and you're scaring Jack. You can leave." Surpsingly feeling a rush of courage when it came to Jack, you stood up with him in your arms and began to walk out the room until he unexpectedly grabbed your arm. You froze as he squeezed you and stood up staring down at you.

"Watch how you talk to me, baby."

"I said..you can leave." You felt yourself shaking as you stood your ground.

"Alright. You want me to leave? I'll leave." Michael responded calmly, a little too calm for comfort. He turned around and began to walk away making you let our a deep breath of relief when suddenly he turned around and smacked you across the face. You yelped as you fell hard to the floor holding Jack as tight as you could. Blocking his head from hitting anything you slammed your head on the bottom kitchen cabinet.

"Now I'll leave. You see what you do to yourself." Michael walked out slamming the door loudly as Jack cried loudly. Tears streaming down your eyes you cried with him.

"I'm so sorry." You whispered to Jack. Pushing yourself up off the floor you went to lock the door when Michael suddenly appeared again making you step back.

"Another thing, you tell Negan any of this I'll make sure you never see your son again. Remember my brother is a lawyer. He'll have you all fucked."

With those last words he walked out for a second time. Looking over at the table by the door you were relieved to see he had left the keys. Immediately you locked it, even clicking the bolt into place. Upset you walked up the stairs to run Jack a warm bath and calm him down. All you wanted was to call Negan to come over in that moment.

You took Jack a bath and put him to bed when you realized you had a text from Negan.

"Is jackass still around?" He texted making you chuckle softly.

"No. Alone now, baby just went to sleep." You responded in a text when suddenly you heard your phone begin to ring but when you checked, it wasnt a phone call.

Negan wanted to video call you. Your heart skipped a beat, he had never done this. What the hell was making him do it now.

You picked up the video call and found him staring very serious at the screen, he also look a bit tired.

"Figuring out your phone huh?" You teased.

"I wanted to see you." You watched as Negans eyes roamed over the screen taking a good look at you. Negan was doing everything he could to have a closer eye on you without you realizing it.

"Well you're seeing me." You responded with a smile but Negan could tell the smile didnt reach your eyes.

"I'm surprised the asshole didnt stay the night." Quickly, he saw you look away from the camera turning to the side. Looking to keep yourself occupied with something.

"Its fine. I wanted to be alone anyways."

"Guess he didn't like me being there for dinner." Negan chuckled to himself.

"He doesnt like alot of things." You muttered low.

"What do you see in that asshole, Deena?"

His sudden question caught you off guard but you didnt know how to respond.

"I know I wasnt the greatest to you but I see you with this guy and you're not you."

You stayed looking away from the camera as Negan quietly stared at you.

"Can we talk about something else?"

Negan heard a crack in your voice as you brushed your hand through your hair.

"What happened after I left, Deena?"

"Nothing happend after you-" cutting yourself off you looked up having heard a thump. Negan frowned wondering what caught your attention.

"What is it?"

You didnt respond as you slowly stood up and walked out of the room quickly checking on Jack. Thankfully he was fine and the main door was still locked. You sighed a breath of relief before getting back into your room and realizing you were becoming paranoid.

"I thought I heard something, it was just me." Negan could tell something was worrying you but you didnt want to admit what it was.

"You want me to come over, just to make sure everything is fine around the house?"

His offer made you quickly look back at him with some sort of relief in your eyes.

"I mean yes, maybe check the attic. Could be a pipe." You lied and he knew it. In all honesty you were just afraid with what had just happened with Michael. You felt paranoid about him showing up unexpectedly. Negan played along just wanting you to be comfortable and made his way to you. It was around ten at night, Negan never came over this late but you didnt mind it.Relieved to see Negan when you opened the door you let him in and quickly locked the door from top to bottom. You turned to find him staring at you strangely.

"Since when have you been using the bolt?"

Negan had placed the bolt for you a few years back but with all the locks on the door you had never used it. You never found it necessary.

"A habit I have now." You chuckled low as you walked past him. It did make you nervous that Negan was in your home, what if Michael found out in some kind of way? The thought of Michael turned your stomach.

"What did you want me to check out, doll?"

"Oh yeah, the attic. Maybe I heard the noise coming from there." Negan never seeming to be afraid of the unknown, pulled the ladder down and walked right up. It was hard not to admit to yourself that besides the differences you both have had, you could always count on him whenever you needed him.

"Just like I thought! Theres nothing up here." He yelled from the attic.

"You sure?"

"Shit, come see for yourself."

Negan chuckled as he came back down the ladder, you had always been afraid to go up to the attic alone.

"I know I heard something." You whispered as he made his way to you and leaned his face in close.

"You sure, sweetcheeks?" He teased making you chuckle. Negan loved teasing you, he always liked seeing you laugh.

"Oh stop." You playfully shoved him which only made him bounce back closer to you. The two of you stopped for a moment and stared into each others eyes. The thought of that kiss he gave you the last time made you shiver inside. But before he could reach in and kiss you, you quickly turned away. The strong pull you felt to him couldnt be denied but Michael...the thought of that man terrified you.

"Do you want a snack, I want a snack. I'll make us something quick." Negan watched as you flew down the stairs and scoffed shaking his head. He knew you wanted him just as bad.

As you reached into the cabinet Negan walked into the kitchen and leaned on the door way. You could feel his eyes on you, devouring you from head to toe.

"I know you dont give a shit about this guy." Negan spoke confidently as he slowly made his way to you. You didn't say a word knowing you couldnt react to him, thinking of the threat Michael made, you couldn't risk it.

"Fuck, Deena why do you let him control you like this?" Negan asked making you turn to him. He knew that would make you react which is what he wanted.

"He doesn't control me so quit assuming things."

"So then kiss me." He grinned as get got closer to you making you back up into corner.

"So what you're telling me to do is cheat on him."

"Oh is that what I said?" Negan chuckled with sarcasm.

"Figures you know, since you know so much about cheating yourself." You responded back with double the sarcasm making him laugh. You rolled your eyes pushing him aside but he blocked you with his arm. His expression suddenly turning more serious, he stared down at you not letting you pass him. His look was making you weak, your lips parted looking at his. You knew this wasn't right but the closer he got the more irresistible he became.

"I'm not going to kiss you." You whispered sounding anything but confident.

"Oh yeah? You sure about that?" He whispered in return wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you against him making you gasp.

"Now what was that you said, sweetheart?"

You were now speechless, how can you resist this man? You never stopped wanting him and he never had stopped wanting you. He leaned in and you instantly melted at the feel of his warm lips on yours. He felt your body fall into his as he passionately kissed you. He took your arms and wrapped them around his neck as he grabbed your ass with both hands.

"Negan..." you whispered into his lips.

"Hm? Tell me what you want, doll." He spoke slowly and erotically. Each word pulling at your heart strings.

"I want you." You whispered feeling him squeeze you harder when he suddenly lifted you up and sat you on the kitchen counter. You could hear him unbuckling his belt as he kissed you, his hands brushing up your thighs and pulling down your shorts and underwear. Your heart was racing. You swore this would never happen again but you didnt want him to stop. He pulled back for a moment and looked at you as he pulled you towards the edge of the counter. Negan wanted you to look directly at him as he entered you. Your arms and legs were wrapped around him as he pushed in forward, the both of you moaned simultaneously at the first feel of each other. It had been too long since he felt you and he didnt know how long he could control himself before exploding.

"Holy fuck." Negan muttered as he got into rythm. Aggresivly pulling off his shirt he threw it across the room. You moaned loudly as Negan broke out in a sweat, it took alot of him not to burst with each moan you let out. You screamed as you leaned your head back against the wall, fully exposing your neck. Negan wrapped one hand around your throat and gave you a hard squeeze as he moved faster. You squealed as he used the same hand to now grab your hair pulling it back hard.

"Negan!" You grabbed onto him tightly, the sound of your voice helpless calling for him made it hard for him to control himself any longer.

"Fuck, Deena- I cant fucking hold it-" before he could finish he groaned loudly letting himself explode within you. You moaned as he buried himself deeply, his body against yours. The two of you panting uncontrollably in each others arms.

"Negan." You whispered in a shakey voice before he pulled back and slowly pulled himself out.

"Fuck, I couldnt stop it." He spoke breathlessly falling back onto the chair behind him.

"You know how long I've been waiting for that." He chuckled making you laugh.

Jack had still been sleeping while you and Negan lay in bed under the covers. Your face on his chest as he rubbed your hair back gently. It was nice forgetting everything for just a moment until Negan rubbed over a certain part of your head making you lift your head up and wince.

"Ow."

"What's that?" Negan felt the bump on the back of your head and frowned. You knew the bump must've been from when you fell and hit your head on the cabinet. You weren't going to tell Negan this so you simply shrugged.

"I dont even know how that happened. These random bruises come out of nowhere. Dont you hate when that happens." You laughed nervously and lay your head back down. Negan stayed looking down at you not liking your response.

"You know you can tell me anything right, Dee?" You hesitantly lifted your head up and looked back at him.

"What would I need to tell you? What do you mean?" Negan didnt say a word for a moment but he knew he had to. He didnt know how you would react but he couldnt continue acting like he wasnt noticing certain things.

"What I mean is that ever since you began dating that fuck, Michael, you either have some new bruise or you're suddenly nervous with shit you never were nervous about before. I know you, Deena and you sure as fuck arent acting like yourself."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?!" You stood up quickly putting on your robe making Negan roll his eyes, he knew you would get defensive.

"Dee-" Negan tried to speak sitting up in the bed but you wouldnt let him.

"I dont know who the hell is putting this shit in your mind but leave it alone. Nobody is doing anything to me."

"Listen, I'm not trying to pick a god damn fight for fucksake." Negan got up and began to get dressed.

"Yeah? Well you are! Why dont you mind your business."

"You are my fucking business!" Negan yelled so loudly you were surprised Jack hadn't woken up.

"You know what, get out! This is why I never wanted to sleep with you again-" Negan scoffed in return.

"I beg to differ, sweetheart. With the way you felt you been wanting that just as much as I have." You stared at him in silence holding back your tears, you were not going to let him make you admit the truth.

"Get out and do me a favor dont come back unless it's to pick up Jack." You stormed out of the room making your way down the stairs to the kitchen. Negan cursed at himself angrily, the last thing he wanted to do was fight with you.

"Goddamn women." He muttered low, but he knew he had to approach this matter differently.

In the kitchen you quietly made yourself tea hearing him come down the stairs. He slowly made his way inside and leaned back on the counter beside you but you wouldnt look his way.

"Did he threaten you?" Negan asked with his arms crossed looking at the ground. Feeling a knot in your throat you couldnt respond, your silence spoke for itself making Negan look over at you.

"That son of a-"

"Negan please."

"Tell me the truth, Deena. He fucking hits you doesnt he?" His voice was stern, his eyes darkened as he looked down at you.

"It was my fault, Negan-" you cried out as Negan turned and punched the concrete wall behind him. The anger in him rising rapidly, he didnt even feel the effect on his knuckles.

"I'll kill him! I swear to God I'll fucking kill him."

"Negan, please you cant tell him anything. Please..."

"Oh for fuck sake, Deena! What the fuck does he have over you?! What is he threatening you with?!"

Negan stared down at you silently, his breathing was heavy, he studied the look in your eyes when it suddenly clicked.

"Jack." He whispered and all he saw was red. Negan quickly charged for the front door as you ran after him catching up before he could leave, you blocked the entrance.

"Negan, please you're not listening!" You cried.

"Oh I'm fucking listening, hes using our son to keep you shut. I'd like to see him try something-"

"Negan his brother is a lawyer. He threatened if I told you anything he'd make sure they'd take Jack away from me. Please, I beg you. I beg you, dont do or say anything. He doesnt do anything as long as I do what he says-"

"Do you fucking hear yourself, Dee?! As long as you do what he says? Who the fuck is he?! I know I was never an easy man to deal with but I never, ever put my god damn hands on you! Ever!" Negan turned red as he yelled, a vein pulsating hard in his neck appeared. You quietly cried before suddenly hearing Jack begin to cry upstairs. Negan sighed looking down, his fists balled up at his sides.

"Just promise me you wont say anything. Promise me."

"Ok." Negan stood aside letting you get past him to run up the stairs and check on Jack. He could hear you singing to him and ran his hands through his hair. He had never been so frustrated by a situation. He knew you were terrified for yourself and Jack and he hated that he felt like he couldnt do anything.

The next few weeks flew by peacefully, your cousin had come into town so she had been staying with you every day. With her around Michael never did anything to you. Negan knew you were safe for the time being but hated knowing Michael was still with you. You had never felt more confused, you loved Negan..you knew you did. The two of you hadn't even spoken about what happened between the two of you at all. Yet, you couldnt stop thinking about it. Jack's birthday was coming up the next day, you couldnt believe he was turning three. As excited as you were the thought of having Michael and Negan together in the same room for the first time since that night made your stomach turn. It made your stomach turn so much you actually began to feel nauseous. Brushing off the nausea, the sound of the doorbell went off and you knew it was Negan.

"Hi." You smiled as you stepped back and let him come in with a bunch of balloons.

"I picked up all these damn balloons, the cake and tomorrow I just gotta get the food." You laughed as Negan struggled with decorations and lay them out on the table.

"Thank you, I appreciate it."

Once he had everything set, he turned to you and couldn't help letting his eyes roam from your head to your toes.

"Looking good, Dee."

You blushed feeling your cousins eyes fall on you in confusion. Negan winked at you before turning to Jack and got right on the floor with him and began playing with him.

"Looking good, Dee." Your cousin muttered beside you, making fun of what she has just witnessed.

"Cut it out, Louise."

"What was that all about, he looked like he totally undressed you with his eyes." She continued making you sigh when you the wave of nausea struck you again.

This time it didnt go away and you found yourself running across the living room to the bathroom. Negan looked up with a frown then looked over to Louise as she stared in even more confusion.

"Stay with Jack." Negan pushed himself up and made his way to the bathroom door, knocking gently.

"Deena? You ok?" He could hear you continuing to throw up before you finally flushed. A few minutes later you stepped out of the bathroom looking pale and weak.

"I think it was something I ate." You whispered rubbing your head.

"Come on, let's get you to sit back."

Negan guided you by your arm to the living room when you found Louise opening the door for Michael. You froze in your steps as Negans expression quickly changed.

"Negan, what a surprise."

Negans lip twitched as Michael's eyes drifted to him holding your arm.

"Oh I wasnt feeling good-"

"So I was making sure she could make it back to the couch safely." Negan interrupted in a calm yet cold tone.

"Well I'm sure I can take over now that-"

"I got her." Negan shot back sternly.

"Its ok, Negan. I feel fine, Louise is here with me too."

"Yeah I got her, Negan." Louise agreed.

Michael and Negan didnt say a word to each other as Louise took your arm and led you to the couch. Negan walked out angrily not liking to feel out of control with this situation. You knew tomorrow would be a whole other roller coaster of emotions. It would be Jack's birthday celebration, it was already the 8th. Your heart sunk realizing what you had just thought to yourself. How could you be so stupid?

It was already the 8th and you realized you were four days late on your period.

The rest of the day you felt fine physically but you worried like never before. You knew you had a extra pregnancy test hidden in your drawer somewhere that you would take as soon as Michael would leave. When he did finally leave you asked Louise to stay with Jack while you hid in the bathroom to take the rest.

"Please don't be positive, please dont be positive." You continued to whisper repeatedly when it was time for you to look at the test and your mouth dropped open.

"Oh my God.."

It was positive.

Obviously, you knew it was Negans not having had sex with Michael in the last few weeks. Louise called out for you and you quickly hid the test and the box under your shirt and ran down stairs. Throwing out any of the evidence and without saying a word put Jack to sleep for the night.

The next day you got dressed up in a nice blue sundress for Jack's birthday. It was a very small gathering and you were excited to make this memory for Jack. Looking at yourself in the mirror you finished you make up and took a deep breath before heading out of your room. The decorations had been placed nicely in the living room. Michael was in the kitchen while Louise finished setting up the balloons. You had no idea that while Michael was in the kitchen he had discovered the box the pregnancy test came out of my accident as he was taking out the garbage.

"Deena! Can you come to the kitchen for second?" Michael called out for you as you played with Jack in the living room. You left him on the floor with Louise as you entered the kitchen with a smile excited for the day before realizing what you were walking into. Michael stood by the counter with the box of your pregnancy test in hand. The expression on your face instantly changing, you felt yourself having trouble to breathe.

"Wh-where did you get that..?"

"Oh right from your garbage can, baby." His face looked demented, he looked like a ticking bomb.

"Michael....let me explain.." you whispered as he made his way closer to you.

"Let you explain? Go ahead, explain." Michael threw the box on the table making a glass cup fall and shatter on the floor. Louise heard the noise and looked up before being distracted by the door.

It was Negan.

Louise opened the door for Negan as he came in excitedly picking his son up and wishing him a happy birthday.

"You're a big boy now, three years old." Negan grinned when he suddenly heard Michael yelling. He looked towards the kitchen door then back at Louise with a raised brow.

"I dont know." She whispered with a shrug.

"Michael please!" Negan heard you yell making him quickly give the baby to Louise and charge to the kitchen. When Negan pushed open the door he found Michael grabbing you by your hair before pushing you to the floor. You screamed before looking back and noticing Negan at the door. His eyes filled with rage, you stood up and ran to him blocking him before he could do anything.

"Negan wait- it's not what it looks like."

"Oh yeah, Deena why dont you show Negan here what it looks like huh?"

"Please, Negan just go-"

"Get out of the kitchen, Deena. I've been waiting for this shit." Negan didnt take his eyes off Michael across the room.

"Negan please, listen to me. Look at me."

"Yeah please, look at her before I have to make her shut the hell up."

"Negan!" You squealed when he suddenly pushed you behind him and charged towards Michael.

"Come on asshole, I'll give you a fair fight." Negan threw the chair that was in front of him across the room before he finally reached Michael and the two men began to fight. Both men trying to put each other in head locks as they ran into everything around them, knocking everything to the floor.

"Deena get the hell out of here!"

You stood in shock against the door way watching as Negan knocked Michael off his feet.

"Yeah...wouldnt want an unfortunate accident to happen to a pregnant woman." Michael grunted as Negan held him down before realizing what he said. Negan looked up at you in disbelief before quickly looking back down at Michael.

"Wouldnt want anything happening to that baby." He continued to taunt before Negan collided his fist with Michael's face.

"Say something stupid again, I fucking dare you. Trust me asshole, I got alot more where that came from." He looked directly into Michael's eyes but before he could utter another word, Negan punched him again. Louise had put the baby in his crib and called 911 from hearing all the commotion. She came into the kitchen and gasped at the site of the entire kitchen a mess. The rush of emotions and morning sickness started to take over you. You felt yourself tipping over to the side before bumping into Louise.

"Deena are you okay?" She yelled making Negan look up to find you struggling to stand straight.

"Louise sit her down." Negan instructed without letting go of Michael. Michael scoffed with blood pouring out of his mouth when soon you heard the sound of the cops at the door.

"My brother will handle all of you."

"Youre brother can choke on my dick." Negan squeezed down harder on Michael's neck. The police quickly entered the house and detained Michael who kept yelling at all of you as they dragged him out. Negan rushed to you, grabbing a chair and sitting down right in front of you. You instantly noticed his bloody and bruised knuckles.

"Sir, do you need us to take a look at that?" A paramedic asked Negan.

"No, this is fine-" he shook his hand not worried of any injury.

"I need you to check her." Negan motioned towards you but you quickly shook your head.

"I'm fine, I'm just dehydrated-.

"And pregnant." Negan interrupted.

"You're pregnant?! What!" Louise screamed with excitement making you chuckle. Negan himself couldnt help but smirk a bit.

"Yes, Louise. Wait-wheres Jack?" You looked around as your heart began to race.

"Hes upstairs sleeping, hes fine. Dont worry, Deena." She hugged you as Negan stayed holding your hand. "You're going to need to get a restraining order on that guy if hes bailed out. You cant be here alone with the baby, and pregnant with that mad man knowing where you live."

"Oh she wont be alone, I can promise you that."

Negan meant every word he said, he was never going to risk losing you again.

If you have ideas for a part 3 if youd like one let me know? Not sure where to go after this or if I should continue at all.

[ask-seth-and-clones]

Event 1: Keel Freezis joins the party

Seth decided to make his little activity more interesting.

"I have quite some time before leaving this world...what if I invited them over?

It would be quite the moving family reunion ahahahaha, I wonder how they would react to all of this...this situation will become all the more interesting."

Determined, the scientist decided to look out for his clones, with a smile fixed on his face...

In order to find the first one, the scientist decided to head to the illusion of the lucifenian palace.

'Keel would most likely be with his acquaintances.' Seth thought as he went where he was heading.

Bingo. He indeed found him where he expected.

'Is he hosting a ball? How like him. Both him and I like to be in the center of the spotlight and we enjoy useful tools around us.'

Seth chuckled as he approached the man...

"Ohoh, would you excuse me for a moment...?"

Keel was quite shocked at the sight of the man in front of him, identical to him, except for the shape of his glasses.

“Who are you?” Keel simply asked that of Seth, trying to understand the situation in front of him. The merchant was baffled, nonetheless, he kept his composure as he looked at him right in the eyes.

In response, the scientist just chuckled.

“You are me.”, he simply replied.

Keel moved away from the prying eyes of the ballroom with Seth and kept on with the conversation in an isolated era.

The merchant was all the more confused after the answer than he had been before initiating the conversation.

Keel’s stare at the scientist grew stern.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I don’t understand where you are going with this conversation. You interrupted me while hosting a ball, announcing the diva of the show. Now some people may be surely looking for me.”

Seth didn’t look nervous at all since he knew what to say to his clone to make him comply with his initiative.

“What if I told you…I could give you some exclusive information that might be useful to you? After all, you were the one who used to say that controlling information was essential for success right?"

At those words, Keel reflexively took a step back. How could that stranger that looked exactly like him know about his motto?

Actually Seth came to hear about that from rumors as it was actually an historical quote, a motto that was pretty much common knowledge in evillious. It came off as strange to the former mask that Keel could have been so surprised because someone knew about his famous quote.

"Y-yes, but...now the world has ended, why should i need this, what would be the gain out of this?"

That was Keel's legit point of view as a merchant.

After that, Seth continued to manipulate him, knowing the fact that Keel was indeed a curious man, just like him.

"Surely you have nothing to gain this 'late in the game' but would you still would like to gain knowledge that is behind human's possibilities?"

At this Keel grew irritated.

"Listen. I don't know what you are talking about. There is a ball occurring right now and you haven't even introduced yourself properly. Why would I trust and follow a stranger while I'm busy in the first place? You are welcome to just part from me and let me continue with what I was doing!"

The scientist gave off a sigh.

'What a blunder.' Seth thought while dragging his clone straight to the dance room. Everyone in the hall was dancing, paying no mind of Keel's absence.

"Look. Everyone is dancing and some already left the ballroom on their own. Your role as a host is done for. You have nothing better to do~"

Seth spoke theatrically as he was accustomed with.

"Besides, you can't die as of now, the concept of danger has become nonsensical. If you decided that the information didn't interest you after seeing it, then you could always go back to your own business. Also, in this piece of information could answer so many questions you now have about m-"

Keel suddenly shut Seth up.

"Ok ok, I guess I'll just go see whatever you want to show me...for the time being."

"That's what I've been wanting to hear~"

Seth laughed as walked with Keel to the imaginary lunaca labora containing the black box type 's'.

[girlmeetsliv3]

Lilies of the Valley VII

A/B/O!BTS x Reader

Flowers can have different meanings depending on the flower shape, color, and method in which they are presented. Lilies are my favorite for such a simple flower can have so many distinct meanings.

    “The tiger lily is also known as a symbol of honor and riches and some cultures around the world consider it a symbol of love and kindness.”

Release Date: 06/08/20 @  9 pm

previously ~ next

Trigger Warning: Some of the contents discussed in this chapter may not be suitable for all audiences. Mentions of past trauma.

          “What the fuck are they doing here?!”

           “Soyeon, please calm down.”

           It took a lot for her to calm her older sister down, as YN pushed her away from the perplexed alphas. Once YN had managed to guide her sister towards the other side of the car, she seemed to have calmed down, or at least that’s what YN thought before her sister directed her anger towards her. “What the fuck, YN. Why would you bring them here? Are they your mates? Did they force you to do this? Do you need help?” YN placed her hands over Soyeon’s mouth, muffling any other questions she might have.

         “Please calm down, I can’t answer everything at once.” Her sister wasn’t the confrontational type, but she hadn’t been there when the incident occurred. Despite being only a year older, Soyeon had decided to study abroad. Something that YN had once overheard her saying she regretted. “Alright, I’m calm. So it’s official then, you completed the mating bond?” YN wasn’t sure how to answer, wasn’t sure how much of the truth her sister knew. There were at least three different versions of what had occurred: what YN had said, what the police had said, and the truth. Which version YN told depended on how much self-loathing she carried within her.

         "Legally, yeah. It's official." She wouldn't elaborate on it, let people interpret it the way they want. When YN saw the relief that flashed on Soyeon's face, she felt a small part of her die. "Oh, thank god. I was worried that you were going to show up alone again. That's why I asked to meet you here, I wanted to mentally prepare you for Shuhua's family." So much for what her mother had said on the phone. It was good that Soyeon had found a mate - especially a female alpha considering how strange they were. "I'm happy for you." The smile on her face was forced, but that didn't mean the words were any less true. YN was genuinely happy for her sister.

         “Oh, I’m sorry about how I reacted.”

         YN turned her head to see Jungkook and Seokjin peering, the latter smiled. “Don’t worry. We understand.”

         Soyeon nodded, “I can get a bit protective over my little sister.” The head rub Soyeon gave YN was a bit unnecessary but her scowl gave everyone a laugh, so she opted not to bring it up. Soyeon dusted off her jeans, despite there being no dust on them, “Well. I’ll see you at home tomorrow then.” Her attention returning to the alphas. “It was nice to see you again. Seriously, if you hurt my sister again I’ll kick your assess.”

       The hotel room they rented had two rooms and a sofa bed, despite YN insistence that she could take the latter they had all refused. Pushing her into the smaller of two rooms, whilst they all shared the master. Truthfully YN didn’t understand how they all managed to sleep together without waking up hot sweaty messes or maybe they didn’t mind. They’re probably used to being hot around each other. Once she dwelled on it a little more, a sudden flash of embarrassment took her over and she opted to think of something else.

       The common area of the hotel room had a balcony where YN was currently sitting. She didn’t know what the others were up to but enjoyed being alone for a while. It gave her a chance to mentally prepare for the onslaught of questions she would have to face tomorrow. The sound of the glass door sliding open, distracted her as she peered to Jungkook stepping out. YN had to steady her racing heart, though she was sure the Alpha had heard it already considering his tense stance. Never the one to leave any space between them, Jungkook strode towards the patio chairs sitting on the one right next to her. There was a frown between his full brows and his rounded eyes looked more sunken in than usual.

         “Is everything okay?” YN asked cautiously, unsure that it was the right move. Maybe she should have ignored him until he spoke first.

         "Does your family not know?" It was phrased as more of a statement than a question, but that didn't matter. YN swallowed thickly, she should've realized they would be quick to catch on. When weren't they? "They know what they need to." At this, the frown between Jungkook's brows deepened. His body was tilted so that it faced YN's entirely, while hers was facing forward. "What is that supposed to mean?!" His hands gripped hers, forcing her to look into his eyes. He looked angry and that put YN on edge, unsure of how he would react. Jungkook must've seen the fear in her eyes, for the next time he spoke the words were spoken in a softer tone.

          “Your family picked you up from the station. The police spoke to them, didn’t they?” YN didn’t answer, so he continued. “Your mother has always kept in contact, but I just assumed she was very forgiving and knew about the pack bond.” YN shook her head, keeping her eyes forward and wide, afraid to blink for that might release the unshed tears.

         “My mom- my family doesn’t know about the pack bond.”

         “So, then…”

          It took YN all her might to not stutter or let out a sob. She had been holding so much in for years and now she was about to break at the hands of the one who started it all. No, I played a part in it too. “I told my parents we were dating and that I asked you to mark me in the heat of the moment.” Jungkook stilled, YN wasn’t sure she could even pick up on him breathing. It was after a few tense moments that Jungkook intertwined his hands in hers, YN didn’t have the strength to fight back. “Why would you do that?” The words were barely above a whisper, but they were enough to shatter YN.

        Sobs wracked through her body and she knew it was only a matter of time before the other alphas made their way outside. “What else was I supposed to do? Admit the truth? Do you know how bad that would look? I was a newly presented Omega and I’d jumped into bed with someone I barely knew. Enough rumors were already going around. Do you know how people look at me because of the bite mark?! Like I’m some kind of whore. I made a mistake, we made a mistake, and it was a lot easier to say it was that than admit the truth to my family.”

         “YN, don’t say that. It doesn’t matter what people think -”

         “Do you know I saw the disappointment in my father’s eyes the day I presented. I wasn’t even supposed to stay after school that day, but I did because I couldn’t stand to be at home.” She took a deep breath, using the back of her sleeve to wipe at her face. “If I had just faced the truth-”

        “Don’t fucking say that.” Jungkook interrupted her, he was yelling now but YN could see the tears of frustration in his eyes. “What happened was a mistake. I should’ve controlled myself better, I shouldn’t have let my instincts take over and bitten you.” Jungkook brought her hands up peppering small kisses along the knuckles, “Lily, I should’ve told you when we saw each other that I felt the bond. I was just so overwhelmed, I thought it was my rut, I didn’t even realize what had happened.”

        YN shook her head again, “Jungkook, what kind of a person jumps into bed with some she barely knows because of her heat. Much less when she knows he’s mated.”

        Before YN could even continue Jungkook got down on his knees in front of her, tears now streaming down his face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The pheromones Jungkook was releasing were ones riddled with stress and anxiety. At that moment, YN ceased to see him as the perpetrator of everything that had gone wrong in her life. He was still at fault, but Jungkook had been a new alpha as well. A kid as well. It had been years and here he was groveling at her feet for forgiveness, not for himself or his mates. But in order for YN to stop blaming herself. "Jungkook, get up." The alpha refused, clinging onto her hands like they were a lifeline. Slowly, YN slid off the chair and to the floor gathering him in her arms, he was much bigger than her but the way he wrapped himself around her spoke volumes.

        Out of her mouth came the words YN never thought she would utter. “I forgive you.” Then as a display of her sincerity, she rubbed her nose where his scent gland was right above his mating mark. Where her’s would eventually go.

        The second YN stepped out of the car, her mother swept her up into a hug. “Oh, darling how I’ve missed you.” YN giggled hugging her mother tightly, despite being a beta her mother had always smelled to her like sour lemons. Most might find that irritating smell, but YN had always enjoyed it. “I missed you too, Mom.” Her mother squeezed her tightly before her focus turned on the alphas behind her. “It’s nice to see you all. You especially Namjoon.”

         “It’s a pleasure to see you again ma’am.” Namjoon’s dimpled smile was enough to have her mother swooning on the spot. Something which caused YN to roll her eyes, though the longer she thought about it. “You’ve met my mother before?” The question was directed towards the lead alpha, but it was her mother who answered. “Ah, Namjoon introduced himself during your graduation. He called to let me know that they would be accompanying you.” Oh. “I didn’t know that.” She shot the men a glare, but they all shrugged.

         Jungkook intertwined her hands in his and shot her a sheepish smile. “You look pretty today.” The dress she was wearing was one they had picked out for her, a red wrap dress that brushed her knees. Jungkook seemed to be in a better mood than yesterday, their conversation had left YN worried but thankfully it seems everything had been resolved. At least on his side. Her mother guided her through the house and to the back, showing them to the outside.

         “Be warned, Shuhua’s family is a bit antiquated.”

         That served as an understatement for what was to come.

Decorations lay thrashed on the floor as several tables and chairs were flipped over in the tumult. YN couldn’t see much through her bleary tears, but she could see the bloodstain. Drying on the freshly cut grass while its rusty odor invaded all of YN’s senses. She was aware of the echoes and shouts around her, but YN couldn’t react to them. Not until she felt warm arms wrapping around her figure, the woody scent alerting her to who it was. “Let’s go home, baby.” YN wasn’t sure whether she nodded or not, but she was dragged away nonetheless towards the six other men waiting for her.    

I called them,” Namjoon answered her thoughts, but YN wasn’t too concerned. Despite, her wondering how the men had managed to get there so quickly. She was faintly aware of getting into a car, being placed on someone’s lap, and the sweet sounds of humming near her ears. “It’s okay, YN. Everything is okay now. You’re safe.” So it was Jimin she was sitting on. That’s why her nose didn’t burn. She remembered Soyeon’s words, her mother’s shocked expression, and the face of the disgusting man being pounded into by one of her mates. “Shhh, baby. It’s okay. You’re safe now. No one’s ever going to hurt you again.”

Hope you enjoyed!!!

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[dingoes8myrp]

An Examination of Joss Whedon

On February 11th, Charisma Carpenter made a post on her Instagram account detailing mistreatment she experienced on the sets of Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Carpenter worked on both shows from 1996 to 2004 and attributes this mistreatment to show creator Joss Whedon.

On the same day, I made a post on my Tumblr and my WordPress accounts regarding my stance on this topic. I felt it was important for me to post something quickly due to the large number of Buffyverse followers and mutuals on my Tumblr.

I was overwhelmed by the likes, reblogs, and comments this post received in less than twenty-four hours. I’m so glad so many people support Charisma Carpenter and others who are speaking out about their experiences.

Workplace mistreatment is insidious, and too often the systems in place to mediate these situations are designed to protect the employer rather than the person experiencing mistreatment. This happens everywhere in every industry. When people in the public eye draw attention to these issues it helps bring awareness to everyone and encourages societal change.

In today’s climate, social media moves faster than legal or internal HR systems. This means, more often than not, accusations spread, opinions form, and action is taken long before any investigation can occur. Because of this, it’s important for people to seek out the facts themselves in order to stay informed or make decisions about who in fandom they choose to support or not.

I’m going to go through various tid-bits I’ve seen over the past twenty-five years regarding Joss Whedon’s behavior, which prompted my quick response to Charisma Carpenter’s post. I feel it’s important to share this with those who may be new to the fandom, or those who doubt Charisma Carpenter’s claims and those of others.

The Bronze

Before there was Twitter, there was The Bronze.

The Bronze was the official online gathering place of Buffyverse fans. Joss Whedon and others involved with the shows occasionally popped in and posted, interacting with the fans. There was speculation about the trajectory of the show, discussion about lore, fan theories, and behind the scenes rumors.

I didn’t learn about these forums until I was in high school (from 2002 to 2006) and I never posted. I just read up on the fun factoids I could find. I wasn’t a heavy Internet user back then. We had one computer in my house and it was shared with my parents. I was only allowed on for so much time per day, yada yada.

I think Buffy the Vampire Slayer was one of the first shows – if not the first – to utilize this kind of creator/fan interaction. It wasn’t a regular thing back then.

The vibe of these forums was very laidback. When someone directly involved with Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel posted (known as a V.I.P.) it was with a very casual, unmoderated tone. There was no screenshotting every word to be saved for later. Someone from the media couldn’t grab a comment made and spread it across the Internet in real time. There were mailing lists – collections of email addresses for people who wanted updates on show spoilers or particular non-show activities of various actors. Fan letters were still a thing – actual snail mail letters you could send to actors and writers of the shows. Things moved slowly, and there wasn’t as much transparency as there is on the Internet today with sites like Instagram and Twitter.

In a series of posts made on November 6th, 2001, Joss Whedon reacted to the airing of the musical episode, “Once More with Feeling.” He called it “the biggest undertaking of my life,” but expressed his appreciation toward the UPN network, the cast, and crew – particularly Anthony Head, Amber Benson, and James Marsters. He calls Anthony Head “the golden throat” and writes of James Marsters, “And James, who always tells me to do everything I dream of, then brings that intense voice and those cheekbones along for the ride.”

All he writes about Amber Benson is, “Amber… just, you know… Amber….”

Alarmingly absent from his praise is star Sarah Michelle Gellar, who “went back and forth” over whether or not to sing in the episode. “I’m not a singer,” she told EW. She didn’t feel prepared enough and “didn’t feel confident.” As someone who broke out of her comfort zone and pulled off a wonderful leading performance, Gellar was certainly deserving of some acknowledgment.

Seemingly realizing he neglected to mention Marti Noxon, Whedon tacked on, “Do you know anyone that hot who can run a show? Do you? I don’t think so. What a voice.” At the time, alongside comments about James Marsters’ cheekbones and being “a little gay” for Anthony Head, this seemed to be an attempt at an edgy complement (though a little cringey). Marti Noxon was a new showrunner for Buffy, taking over for Joss. Referring to her as hot rather than praising her work is a little demeaning, in my opinion, particularly when it was up to him to make sure she was respected and taken seriously in filling his shoes.

On May 22nd, 2002, Whedon posted about “the gay thing” – probably not for the first time. Regarding some fan reactions to the death of Tara Maclay, Joss wrote, “I knew some people would be angry with me for destroying the only gay couple on the show, but the idea that I COULDN’T kill Tara because she was gay is as offensive to me as the idea that I DID kill her because she was gay. Willow’s story was not about being gay. It was about weakness, addiction, loss… the way life hits you in the gut right when you think you’re back on your feet.”

Keep in mind, at the time, Willow was one of the first gay main characters – if not THE first – on a major primetime show in the sci-fi/fantasy genre. Having a gay couple on a major show like this was not a regular thing, which made the shocking death of Tara and the dark turn of Willow particularly hard-hitting. While Whedon isn’t saying anything particularly inflammatory here, it does show a sort of crass attitude toward the removal of this representation from the show, which had become so important to so many fans – and still is now.

There’s not a lot of meaty information to be found that I could dig up, but I wanted to give people an idea of this landscape back in the day. I picked out those particular Joss Whedon posts because they show a very casual disregard for the women involved in the shows – an insidious and subtle thing, but it’s there.

Fighting with Buffy

Jeff Pruitt was a stunt coordinator on Buffy the Vampire Slayer from 1997 to 2000. He also happened to be romantically involved with Sarah Michelle Gellar’s stunt double, Sophia Crawford. Both would exit the show by its fifth season. According to Pruitt, it was not an amicable exit.

Pruitt claims he and Crawford were treated badly on the set, that Crawford was “one never ending injury” and she had “reached the end of her rope.” He said that they were threatened and blackballed when they made attempts to leave before the 100th episode. They got an opportunity to work on Dark Angel, but the people at Dark Angel supposedly received a phone call from “someone high up at their studio” and were told not to hire Pruitt and Crawford. He suspects this was to keep Sophia Crawford from leaving Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Their firing was unceremonious, according to Pruitt. “Sophia was told point blank that she was being fired because she knew too much about things,” he claimed. He said Joss Whedon and Jane Espenson threatened Crawford, saying if she spoke about what happened on set she’d “never work in this town again.”

Jeff Pruitt spoke about “sneaky politics” behind the scenes, saying “there was something weird going on” in the months leading up to his and Crawford’s exit. Pruitt claims Sarah Michelle Gellar was a “spoiled starlett” and that she was “out to get” him and Crawford. He attributes statements he made in private emails that were later read by Joss Whedon to his firing.

It’s worth noting that many people have stated that Sarah Michelle Gellar is undeserving of a “diva” label. When asked in 2004 what it was like working with Sarah Michelle Gellar, Julie Benz said, “She’s extremely talented and generous. Her reputation is just completely untrue. Unfortunately in Hollywood if you’re young and female and you have an opinion you get labeled a diva or something…else. Sarah’s an amazing talent, but she got labeled.”

In a 2013 interview on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live, Alyson Hannigan answered a series of rapid-fire questions about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. When asked who was the most “annoyed” by the end of the show, she said, “Sarah,” referring to Sarah Michelle Gellar. When the audience booed, Hannigan clarified, “Well, she had a big career going, and it was a lot of work.” When asked when Gellar started to “hate” the show, Hannigan quickly said season three. In a later interview for Huffpost Live, Hannigan clarified her comments further. “[Sarah Michelle Gellar] worked her butt off,” she stated. “She worked eighteen-hour days for years.” Hannigan said she wouldn’t have classified Gellar as “annoyed,” saying, “she was super professional.”

Honestly, I’m Team Sarah on this one. I couldn’t find corroborating sources for Jeff Pruitt’s claims of her “diva” behavior, but I found several sources stating otherwise. Gellar did confirm during a cast reunion that she may have oversold her stunt experience, which ultimately would have meant more work for her stunt double and the stunt coordinator. It seems to me like this set everything on a bad foot with that team. But, the reasons Jeff Pruitt and Sophia Crawford gave for their exit had little-to-nothing to do with Gellar.

Vincent Kartheiser

Vincent Kartheiser played Connor on Angel, and he did a number of interviews talking about his experience on the show. I picked his interviews because I’ve always found him to be very candid and he doesn’t seem to shy away from uncomfortable answers to questions. A few of his answers provide a little insight into the mood on the set at times, and Charisma Carpenter’s attitude.

When Charisma Carpenter was pregnant on the show, she had a storyline that heavily involved Connor, so the two spent a lot of time working together on set. He was asked about her pregnancy and how it affected filming. In a 2003 interview for BBC Cult, Kartheiser said of Carpenter, “she was a great sport and would suck up the pain even though you could see that she was in it.”

In another interview for Angel Magazine from the same year, he said Carpenter had “an abundance of energy for a working, pregnant lady who, right in the heart of her pregnancy, they put her in so much.”

It’s worth noting Vincent Kartheiser had his own issues with the show. “What really made me interested in Angel was the idea that as a show, it changed so much and all the characters could change so much,” he told Angel Magazine. “It wasn’t that clichéd kind of ‘show up, do your thing, go home’ all the time.” Unfortunately, the potential that interested him never came to fruition for his character. “As the season went on, we never really got to deal with the relationship problems between me and David,” Kartheiser said, referring to David Boreanaz as Angel. “I never really got the opportunity to bond with any other characters.” He expressed a feeling that there was nowhere for his character to go and that Connor’s motivations seemed to change from week to week. “There were parts of the season I didn’t have the opportunity to stretch,” he explained, “that it felt like I was doing the same scene over and over.”

Vincent Kartheiser did a later interview with Giantmag.com where he reiterated some of these frustrations. For him, the character of Connor started to get stale early on. “Every week I’d show up and have a scene with Cordelia,” he said, “then Angel would show up and I’d have some sort of conflict with him. There’d be a couple of fight scenes where I’d fight with them even though I didn’t want to and then I would sulk and leave. That to me was every episode.” He felt the writers had written Connor “into a corner” and that fans responded poorly to him.

When comparing his experience on Angel to his experience playing Pete Campbell on Mad Men, Kartheiser expressed a lackluster feeling on the set of Angel. “There was a real sense on Angel that people were just doing a job,” Kartheiser said of the set. “The grips, the DP, even the directors would kind of just show up, do their job and go home.” This atmosphere is a direct contrast to what had attracted Vincent Kartheiser to the show in the first place. “On Mad Men we also have Matthew Weiner on set all the time whereas Joss [Whedon] was hardly ever on Angel,” Kartheiser explained. “I think Joss was doing Firefly at that point and was in love with his next project. I had a friend who filmed a few episodes in the first season of Angel and said everyone was invested and there was crazy energy, so maybe I just came into it late.”

Kartheiser also delved deeper into his frustrations over the direction (or lack thereof) of his character. “I let them know right off the bat that some of the choices they were making [about Conner] were wrong,” he said. “I showed up to play that character and I had a lot of ideas. And they didn’t like any of those ideas.” As a result, Kartheiser said he got “jaded” and “angry” at the show. “I felt like it wasn’t a collaboration, that the people I was working with didn’t care to take risks.”

In hindsight, he went on to say, “I was never a fan of Buffy, I’ll say it straight out. I was never a fan of Angel. I always found it hard to say Joss’ words.”

From all these comments, both from the beginning of Vincent Kartheiser’s journey as Connor, and from a few years after the show ended, it seems like he was excited for the opportunity, but ultimately disappointed with the overall experience. He also revealed how uncomfortable Charisma Carpenter had to be during filming while she was pregnant, but noted her energy and attitude were never a problem.

Farewell Cordelia

Prior to Charisma Carpenter’s official exit from Angel, her character arc had taken a very strange turn and Cordelia had been ominously left in a coma. Concern grew when Charisma Carpenter was not included in the cast of season 5. In a 2003 interview with TV Guide Online, Joss Whedon stated, “The Angel/Cordelia [love story] had gone pretty much as far as we wanted to take it” and that it wasn’t popular with the fans. “It just seemed like a good time for certain people to move on,” he continued. “Not completely, obviously. I’m hoping that we’ll get Charisma to do some episodes as Cordelia sometime during the year.”

TV Guide asked, “Isn’t that a disservice to fans who invested all those years in the character and her redemption? It seems an odd thing to do to the show’s leading lady.” Whedon responded, “That’s a fluctuating concept, the leading lady thing. And it is a little odd. Some choices are ultimately kind of controversial about who stays and who goes and who we focus on. But obviously, we had to have her out of a bunch of episodes toward the end of the year because she was having a baby… so what we had [leading] up to it wasn’t a dynamic I wanted to play out that much.” When asked if things were left on good terms with Charisma Carpenter, Joss Whedon stated he wouldn’t discuss that in an interview.

From Charisma Carpenter’s perspective, she was uncomfortable with Cordelia’s storyline prior to her coma and her death. “It was creepy,” she said of Cordelia’s relationship with Connor. “Connor was Angel’s son and half my age.” Carpenter stated it was important for her to return to wrap up the character’s storyline. “We didn’t want to just leave Cordelia in a coma,” she stated. “Whatever happens after this, I’m open. But it’s just best this story be [resolved] now. Otherwise, it’s a disservice to the fans of our show.” When pressed regarding whether or not she’d return to the show, Carpenter replied, “I don’t think it’ll be necessary. You never say never. However, at this point in time, I don’t see a future for her.” She continued with, “I feel like Joss feels – the Cordelia stories have been told. There were no other directions to go with her.”

Carpenter’s final appearance as Cordelia was an emotional experience. “We’ve been crying for the last two days,” she said in a behind-the-scenes interview. “I’m so physically drained.” She wasn’t the only one affected, either. “The director was crying, the crew was crying, we were crying,” she said. She called it a sad goodbye personally, professionally, and story-wise.

Working with Joss Whedon

Over the years, Joss Whedon gained a reputation for being unconventional to work with. Many actors from the Buffyverse have said they were unhappy with their characters’ creative paths. Sarah Michelle Gellar felt season six “betrayed” who Buffy was, saying she had to be “talked off a ledge” a number of times during filming.

Nicholas Brendon felt the character of Xander was “underrated,” particularly during season seven. “Joss did have a talk with Sarah and I because he was kind of contemplating the idea of Xander and Buffy ending up together at the end of season seven,” Brendon told AV Club. “We were both for it, but then that never came to fruition and I lost my eye.”

On an episode of Michael Rosenbaum’s Inside of You podcast, James Marsters said he was “terrified” of Joss Whedon. “I wasn’t designed to be a romantic character,” he explained. “The audience reacted that way to it. And I remember [Joss Whedon] backed me up against a wall one day, and he was just like, ‘I don’t care how popular you are, kid. You’re dead! You hear me? You’re dead! Dead!” Rosenbaum asked, “Was he kidding around?” and Marsters replied, “No. Hell, no.” Marsters also said he had “open wounds” on his scalp from over-using bleach on his roots every eight days to keep the roots from growing out.

Multiple actors from Angel have talked about Whedon’s habit of making actors squirm. David Boreanaz spoke about how he learned about the Angel spinoff during a twentieth anniversary cast reunion. “I got a phone call that Joss wanted to talk to me,” Boreanaz recalled. “The only thing he said was, ‘I want you to come into my office tomorrow,’ and I’m like, ‘I’m fired.’” He described having a night of “angst” and spent the following day working on some flashback scenes. When he finally met with Whedon at lunch it took some time for Whedon to tell him his character was getting a spin-off. Alexis Denisof expressed a similar knee-jerk feeling of “uh-oh,” but had an idea the spin-off was filming. However, Amy Acker had a similar story to what Boreanaz experienced when she was told about her character Fred’s transformation into Illyria. “It seems to be an echo of, like, ‘Hey, can you meet me for coffee tomorrow?’ and I’m like, ‘Ohh, they’re firing me!’ And we sat down to coffee and he said, ‘I just wanted you to know I’m killing Fred.’ And he waited, like, really a long time.” Charisma Carpenter chimed in, “He likes to do that!” Acker was then informed she would still be on the show as Illyria.

Charisma Carpenter and Marti Noxon have shared their own stories about Joss’s “You’re fired, just kidding” stories. Seth Green quipped “He did that to me too, but it took.”

Whedon’s View of Women

While Joss Whedon considers his writing to be feminist, his portrayal of women as well as other statements he’s made contradict this. In 2013, he gave a speech for Equality Now about his dislike of the word “feminist.” While this speech earned him some acclaim, it also earned him some backlash from the feminist community. This was mainly because he claimed it’s natural for people to be equal, and to add “-ist” to the end of the word “feminist” implies that people’s natural state is to be unequal. This stance was seen as disrespectful to Feminism as a movement, for some.

Joss Whedon received wide criticism for his portrayal of women in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. One critic, Scott Mendelson, talked about Whedon’s portrayal of Scarlet Witch and Black Widow in Avengers: Age of Ultron. “Scarlet Witch eventually has to be coaxed into bravery by one of the male heroes,” Mendelson writes of Elizabeth’s Olson’s character. Mendelson was even less thrilled with Scarlet Johansson’s Natasha Romanoff. “Maybe I shouldn’t be annoyed that the only major female character’s primary arc is a theoretically unrequited pining for a nice guy with major anger issues,” he writes, “or that said character briefly gets captured by the villain in the second act and tossed in a cage for no reason other than to be rescued by her male compatriots.” Backlash over this film caused Whedon to quit Twitter. In an article for Gizmodo, writers Meredith Woerner and Katharine Trendacosta point out that Joss Whedon teased a “killer” backstory for Natasha Romanoff. “Instead of an assassin constantly struggling with finding moral lines she didn’t know existed, we got a woman who feels incomplete because she cannot have babies,” Woerner and Trendacosta concluded.

In 2017, Whedon’s ex-wife Kai Cole wrote a blog for The Wrap stating, “he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.”

Cole alleges Whedon wrote her a letter in which he said, “When I was running ‘Buffy,’ I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women… As a guilty man I knew the only way to hide was to act as though I were righteous… In many ways I was the HEIGHT of normal, in this culture. We’re taught to be providers and companions and at the same time, to conquer and acquire — specifically sexually — and I was pulling off both!” At the end of her essay, Cole wrote, “I want the people who worship him to know he is human, and the organizations giving him awards for his feminist work, to think twice in the future about honoring a man who does not practice what he preaches.”

In response to Kai Cole’s letter, Laura M. Browning wrote in an AV Club article, “I was sad, but not shocked—maybe a little embarrassed I hadn’t looked more closely at some very clear problems in his work… His work has plenty of male gaze and women in refrigerators and some narratively pointless rape scenes—it’s all right there, in hundreds of hours of television and film—but boy, it sure is a lot more comfortable to listen to a guy tell you he’s a feminist than listen to a lot of women telling you he’s not.”

Whedon’s veneer of feminism has been cracking for several years.

Recent Allegations

Actor Ray Fisher claimed Joss Whedon behaved inappropriately on the set of Justice League, tweeting, “Joss Wheadon’s on-set treatment of the cast and crew of Justice League was gross, abusive, unprofessional, and completely unacceptable.” Fisher also accused Geoff Johns and Jon Berg of enabling Whedon’s behavior. An investigation was done by Warner Brothers and co-stars Jason Mamoa and Kiersey Clemons publicly supported Fisher. Ultimately, the investigation concluded and “remedial action” was taken. The action taken has not been specified.

Shortly after, Joss Whedon exited the HBO series The Nevers, which Fisher attributes to his own claims.

Team Charisma

Those who have shown support to Charisma Carpenter include: Sarah Michelle Gellar Ray Fisher J. August Richards Michelle Trachtenberg Amber Benson Eliza Dushku Jose Molina Marti Noxon Emma Caulfield James Marsters Anthony Head Clare Kramer James C. Leary Sophia Crawford David Boreanaz Amy Acker Julie Benz Danny Strong Adam Busch Tom Lenk Nicholas Brendon Jeff Mariotte

Others who have written about Joss Whedon or come out to support those coming forward:

Courtney Enlow Nell Scovell Glen Mazzara

My Conclusion

As I stated in my previous post on this topic, I stand with Team Charisma. It is not okay for a person in a position of power over others in the workplace to misuse that power in an inappropriate or abusive manner. No matter how talented that person may be and how beloved the work may be.

[moonaft]

When Sorrows Come reactions

Spoilers: I did not get bingo.

25 squares, from left to right, top to bottom: 1. Malvic appears at the wedding 2. Sylvester attends the wedding 3. The High King or Queen gets elfshot 4. One of Tybalt's enemies from the short stories appears 5. Hope chests are relevant 6. Something is revealed about the False Queen 7. There's at least 3 Firstborn at the wedding 8. Someone calls Toby a kingbreaker 9. Dianda punches someone important 10. Toby drinks someone else's blood 11. August attends the wedding 12. Hirsent crashes the wedding 13. [Free space] Toby's dress gets blood on it 14. One of Tybalt's friends from the short stories appears 15. Eira is behind the trouble 16. Gillian attends the wedding 17. Lore about the Torquill family 18. Quentin's identity gets revealed 19. Sylvester doesn't attend the wedding 20. Someone mistakes Sylvester for Simon 21. Raysel's plotline moves forward 22. Toby learns about Tybalt's short story past 23. Someone gets elfshot for the second or third time 24. Toby insults nobility we haven't seen before 25. Lore about the Sollys family

Date: April 11, 2015, roughly 6 months after A Killing Frost. No mischief occurred around Christmas 2014.

Are nobles seriously inviting the kingbreaker in order to make contact with her mother who she pissed off during the divorce? Have they been paying attention at all?

Technically, Toby has never committed treason. She definitely didn’t commit treason against Rhys because she never swore loyalty to him. 

I think this is the first book that introduced Simon ahead of Sylvester and described Sylvester as Simon’s brother as opposed to the other way around. Sylvester is still on thin ice, by the way. There’s a reason I have both “Sylvester attends the wedding” and “Sylvester doesn’t attend the wedding” on the bingo card.

The Luidaeg denied Sylvester’s request to wake Raysel up - why? Did she want to get the wedding out of the way before Raysel’s trial and October’s next rolling emergency?

Yes, the Quentin problem when getting married at the High King’s knowe. Don’t change his appearance and everyone knows where the Crown Prince is fostered. Do change his appearance and everyone in Toby’s party now knows who the Crown Prince is.

“Dean Lorden is probably technically my brother now” woot.

Toby is voluntarily eating and drinking! After so many books of having food forced of her because she keeps forgetting to do so.

Confirmation that Toby officially owns her place and Luna can’t get Sylvester to reverse that decision.

Dean kissing a strange boy -> ah, they went with changing Quentin’s appearance and bloodline. And they went to the Luidaeg for it. Banshee, huh?

Poor Dean. Toby’s approval means something to him. And Toby continues to eat, good for her.

Yes, I too would love to know more about Sylvester’s Dark Years. Sylvester POV, when?

Dean has now officially heard that Oberon is back, and isn’t reacting. I have to assume the Lordens know the details behind how they broke August’s curse.

Oh Quentin, I love you.

Dean still thinks the Merrow descend from only Titania, but Pete confirmed in The Unkindest Tide that Oberon is her father.

Dean does not understand the value of landlines. Kids these days...

I had not considered that Toby and Tybalt’s wedding would be a historic event.

Surprise wedding date! It really couldn’t have been any other way.

Yes, who would have told Sylvester about the date?

Yep, calling Bridget and Etienne is the best option. And Etienne knows May didn’t tell Toby the date, interesting.

Dammit, Sylvester. I can’t cross that square off yet, he might redeem himself. And Etienne talking sense into Toby!

Did the fae make their kingdoms based on state borders? The West at least was based on SCA kingdoms and principalities. I wonder if Highmountain has a new Crown yet.

Good to know that Oberon can go where ever he wants in Faerie. He could probably bring Riordan back if he wanted to. Is Danny not coming? I can’t say I blame him.

Jazz knows about Oberon too.

I do hope August shows up at the wedding, it’s on my bingo card.

Huh, I knew that Ash and Oak aka New York was a place without fae these days, but I assumed some purebloods and changelings could still live there. Uncomfortably, perhaps, and maybe you couldn’t anchor a knowe there anymore, but I didn’t think it was actively hostile to every fae.

Hey, is that Lowri and Nolan? Nolan’s on guard duty, interesting.

Yes, the Ludiaeg could have married you at any time. Should have thought of that before everyone started offering you their knowe for the wedding.

Oh good they’re bringing Walther.

Makes sense Arden can’t come but she is sending Nolan. Nolan definitely is enjoying life these days.

Confirmation that Madden’s boyfriend is human and doesn’t know about the fae.

“I can go order her to arrest herself, if you’d like” Love it.

I have to assume the Tuatha Express is faster than air travel and not as tiring for the people who aren’t opening portals.

Nessa, the Gwragedd Annwn, a new species. As pretty as the Daoine Sidhe are to a nearly human Toby, wow.

And... she thinks the Luidaeg is Toby? I hope this isn’t a calculated insult. I know Quentin grew up with some bigoted people but this is deliberate.

And Oberon is apparently Tybalt?? What is going on her?

Kerry! We haven’t seen you since A Local Habitation. ‘There are no bad Dayes in this week” aww. I love you, Kerry.

Beacon’s Home is actually a Kingdom and not a Selkie-now-Roane holding? Cool.

It seems important that the Maples vs Ash and Oak decision was happening right before/during the American Revolution but I don’t know why yet.

“The ducal consorts are Daoine Sidhe”, yep both of them. 

“Sweet Titania, I love that woman [Dianda Lorden]” Still waiting for Toby’s bisexual awakening.

The Luidaeg confirms the Gwragedd Annwn are Black Annie’s descendant line.

Quentin confirms something’s wrong with Nessa, maybe she isn’t like this at all.

Whee, slightly more Stacy weirdness. I think Barrow Wights would be descended from Maeve, her illusions shouldn’t be better than Toby’s.

Tybalt is apparently descended from both Oberon and the Luidaeg, if his line comes from the Cait Sidhe Malvic sired with his Roane lover.

Confirmation that the Luidaeg can see the future, at least some of the time.

At least Aethlin and Maida seem happy to see Toby.

Maida doesn’t recognize Cass’s bloodline - interesting.

“Um, my boss is Queen Windermere, and my [human] graduate advisor is Professor Weinstein, and my parents are Mitch and Stacy Brown” Cass I love you.

Oh, Nessa isn’t Nessa.

Not!Nessa, holding Toby at knifepoint is not the detergent you think it is.

Toby has a new knife now, sweet. Not!Nessa is a Doppelganger, we haven’t seen one of those in several years. The one in Rosemary and Rue, who wasn’t Gillian?

“Archers,” “I was right about that?”

Perhaps Toby shouldn’t be the one giving orders to open portals, but Aethlin clearly isn’t doing it.

“I punched it in the face” Why do I have the feeling that’s going to solve a lot of problems in this book? And hey, this isn’t a Firstborn or Queen, so Toby got her wish of punching more punchable people.

“You don’t have the authority to order an arrest in my knowe.” Well, maybe you should give her that authority, High King of the Westlands who was almost assassinated.

“Purebloods forgot things, quickly, when they can’t see them anymore” Interesting.

“And even in a backwater Ducky run by a politically unambitious man” Shadowed Hills predates the Mists, Sylvester really just went as far as he could. Or maybe settled there once Amandine built her tower.

“Is he going to try to stab me? Is he better at stabbing than the last batch was at shooting arrows”? I love you Raj. I wonder if the local King of Cats will make an appearance.

Ah fuck, first dead body.

Toby having the most sense in this scene, I love it.

Did Aethlin basically make Toby a hero of the Westlands as well? “Our visiting hero”

Aethlin is not showing up well in dealing with security, nor are his guards.

“People who put deadly traps on doorknobs often forget the obvious, which is that it’s a good idea to lock doors.”

Three dead bodies? RIP Aethlin’s guards.

Only two dead bodies so far. Once Broken Faith had 4, I believe, but we’re only a third done. Good job on not dying, Caitir.

Gordon, hello. I thought the reference to ALH in the “books to re-read” was about the nighthaunts but didn’t expect to see her.

Looks like neither Nessa nor Honey are dead.

This poor Ellyllon doctor, welcome to Toby’s world.

Ah fuck, Tybalt’s elf-shot again.

Good thing Caitir’s a Candela. Thank you, Raj.

Jazz is apparently betting that Toby’s getting elfshot before/during the wedding, this is a girl after my own heart. As is May.

Walther has a fan, I love it.

The Bridge Trolls can search for clues if they want, I guess. We don’t need to worry about people messing with the crime scene anymore.

Toby’s sweet talking the knowe, that didn’t take long.

Toby, Quentin is never going to leave you behind even when he’s knighted and moves back home. He would sooner move the capital to SF.

Evening got her hooks into Aethlin back in 1906, huh?

“I am the breaker of the unbreakable” Yes you are, Toby.

Black Annis was originally named Ismere? I love the lore we’re getting in this book.

There are rumors that Quentin is Toby’s squire, probably started after OBF. The Beacon’s Home Selkies knew about him, after all.

All the Maeve descendant lines with dead Firstborn imprint on the Luidaeg, this is so cute.

So many reasons why Tybalt shouldn’t go looking for Toby as she walks up. Tybalt’s back!

Nolan is great, I love him. Aethlin’s reassuring Nessa, glad to see it.

How does Fiac know enough about Simon and Amandine’s marriage to have negative feelings about it? It sounds like he was around them to notice it.

The Doppelganger isn’t bringing the Revolution, what a pity.

Fuck, she can’t kill Aethlin now. Damn.

This is exactly the scene I wanted to see with a different Daoine Sidhe, but fine. The guards need more training.

Eira killed other seers than the Roane, did she? Did she want there to be no one who could guess her plans?

Toby thinks Maida is upset with her, while I think Maida thinks Toby is the only one she can trust.

Why do none of the Daoine Sidhe save Simon specialize in blood magic? They all suck at it.

“We need to interview your entire staff, and by ‘we’ I mean ‘you’, and by ‘you’ I mean ‘someone you trust’“ Toby’s got this under control.

“I’m sorry, was that disrespectful? I meant fuck you, Your Majesty.” Quentin is not holding back. Chelsea and Raj are literally eating popcorn while watching this. Despite what Toby thinks, she has a court of teenagers.

I wonder what the series would have been like if Penny was sent to Shadowed Hills with Quentin.

I’m glad Quentin got the chance to yell at his father, he needed it. Look, family drama that isn’t related to Toby!

Walther: “I carry the base ingredients [of elfshot] whenever I travel with Sir Daye.” I would too, Walther.

...Are the rest of Stacy’s kids also Seers?

Oberon exists to be more than background, apparently.

Confirmation that the Luidaeg is a century older than Eira! And the Luidaeg will know if she wakes up.

Yes, Toby gets her own court with all her squires and also brothers. Quentin, Raj, one day Chelsea, Peter if he can convince Toby to do it. She has two Seers, an alchemist and her favorite aunts and family in Saltmist.

So the Summerlands have suns as well as moons.

Oh hey, Julie, I thought you died off screen. We haven't heard from you in several books. They’re getting the band back toge- the High King got poisoned?!

“For example, it would be really unreasonable of him to die right now, thanks.”

“If this is where you want to suddenly remember the High King’s evil grand vizier who you just forgot to tell us about until now, that would be great.”

I thought Maida’s father was still alive?

Aethlin has survived his third assassination attempt in the past 24 hours, sweet.

Why did the Librarian call Fiac the Seneschal? He’s the Court Seer.

Oh, so Toby did settle her debts with Mag about her mom’s biography.

We’ve met Tybalt the Torquill family historian, now meet Yenay Ng, the Tybalt historian.

OK, I... didn’t see that coming.

I approve of Toby punching former King Shallcross in the nose. She should punch more nobles on screen.

Huh, I guess that’s where Eira was before she showed up in the Mists.

Is this guy Dawn’s father? The timelines sorta fit.

Aethlin has managed to not get poisoned or stabbed again, good for him.

Of course they enchanted the wedding dress to not get covered in blood. Good thing my ‘free’ space on the bingo card was “Toby’s dress gets blood on it” which was technically fulfilled with the first dress.

I assumed “wine-colored” meant white until it was described in more detail. I approve of dressing the wedding party in red - it will hide the blood.

Sylvester?!? Nope, Simon.

Aww, Simon gets to walk his daughter to the altar. He gets to see his daughter married!

“Then go. Get married. Be happy. You’ve earned it.”

And the wedding is finally on! The local Cait Sidhe are here! Surprise appearance by August!

“As did the man who looked heart-stoppingly like Simon Torquill, but absolutely wasn’t” Oh Sylvester, you made it after all.

I think this is the first time Sylvester’s been referred to in terms of Simon rather than the other way around.

Whoops, more assassins.

I see you, Simon, using your blood to fuel your transformation spells, just like your daughter. Followed immediately by Sylvester charging into battle. And Oberon continues to be background scenery.

Another guard’s death - 3 now? Maybe more?

“Now I have a longbow, motherfuckers, ho, ho, ho” Love you, May.

Badly attempted jailbreak is a bust. Toby’s dress remains pristine.

Surprise appearance by Gillian! I assume August tackled her to the ground when the arrows started flying.

Wedding is complete! Reception go!

I assume Etienne was instrumental in getting Sylvester to the wedding, not only physically but also by yelling at him about what an idiot he was.

Etienne is a little younger than Tybalt, good to know.

They’re going to Disney world without the kids, neat. Surprise August again! Good to know Helen’s seeing a therapist.

Galen has a crush on Poppy. I love this man that we will probably never see again.

Why is Simon a Count again? Shouldn’t he also be Duke Lorden? Does he get a lower title because he’s the second husband, like a courtesy title? Also, glad to see him and August being Lordens.

She hugged him!

Oh hey Sylvester. You could have started with “You make a beautiful bride” and avoided a shitton of trouble. You made it all about yourself. It’s better than if you didn’t attend at all, but man, Sylvester. You disappointed Toby and me.

“Once and future King of Cats”

She accepts the Lorden boys as her brothers!

What does Cliff think of Gilly spending so much time at Half Moon Bay? Does he think she’s in a cult?

Aw, May and Jazz are going to get married!

Oh hey Pete. Only two Firstborn at the wedding, can’t mark that one off. Nice blessing!

That cake sounds super delicious. Fuck, did Oberon give his knife to Toby and then not take it back? Toby has a replacement for her iron knife now?

Oh hi, Gilly. Your mother’s really excited to have you here. I love Quentin egging Toby into eating the cake. “Quentin pressed a fork into my hand, trying to urge me to get on with it.”

And the final blessing comes from Aethlin. He has got to do something to thank her for all her help in stopping the assassination attempts.

Afterthoughts: I am sad none of Tybalt’s friends and family from London/Europe attended. Morane was alive as of 1911, with no word on the others. Hermeline, if she’s still ruling in the Court of Fogbound Cats, has been ruling for nearly three hundred years.

On the other hand, we got a ton of Toby feels and secondary characters. Love the reactions of the Teen Squad.

What a good and heartwarming book.

Spots crossed off:

2. Sylvester attends the wedding 8. Someone calls Toby a kingbreaker 10. Toby drinks someone else's blood 11. August attends the wedding 13. [Free space] Toby's dress gets blood on it 16. Gillian attends the wedding 18. Quentin's identity gets revealed 22. Toby learns about Tybalt's short story past 23. Someone gets elfshot for the second or third time 24. Toby insults nobility we haven't seen before 25. Lore about the Sollys family

Spots not crossed off:

1. Malvic appears at the wedding 3. The High King or Queen gets elfshot 4. One of Tybalt's enemies from the short stories appears 5. Hope chests are relevant 6. Something is revealed about the False Queen 7. There's at least 3 Firstborn at the wedding 9. Dianda punches someone important 12. Hirsent crashes the wedding 14. One of Tybalt's friends from the short stories appears 15. Eira is behind the trouble 17. Lore about the Torquill family 19. Sylvester doesn't attend the wedding 20. Someone mistakes Sylvester for Simon 21. Raysel's plotline moves forward

I should note some of these are rather literal - Eira caused trouble in the back story but she wasn’t active in the main story like she was in both The Unkindest Tide (telling Torin to stop the restoration of the Roane) and A Killing Frost (taunting Toby).

[jazinerambles]

Persona 2 Innocent Sin Review

I wanted to have some time in between playing the game and writing my thoughts for Persona 2 Innocent Sin. I will be referencing it and other Persona games so there may be some light spoilers for games 2-5. 

I played the psp version of the game on a Playstation TV. I beat the game at 76 hours on the dot. I have not completed most of the theater missions, but I have completed the main story of the game and did do a few sidequests.

My review will be organized in several sections-gameplay, story, music, characters, LGBTQ representation, extra content, wishlist and recommendation.

Gameplay:

Persona 2 Innocent Sin was released in 1999. Therefore plays as a game from 1999. The PSP rerelease updated menus, changed the difficulty, and added all out attack art similar to P3-P5 for the fusion spells. I love the all out attack animation and although the menus got a little cumbersome, it didn’t really impact gameplay for me. 

The biggest complaint about Persona 2 IS is how easy and repetitive it is and the high encounter rate. The battles for the most part are easy and if you set up all your attacks in the first round, you can basically use autoplay until an emergency occurs or you encounter an enemy in which you must change it up. 

I never saw the gameplay as repetitive as others do and I feel those who do only just battle and that’s it. I was constantly trying to get all the fusion spells, max up my personas to trade them for items, try different combinations for the demon negotiations and spread demon rumors to get items, spells, and cards (you need cards to summon new personas in the velvet room.) Demon negotiations also allow you a better look into each of the characters’ personalities and relationships. Events in the game will change how the characters react in these negotiations so it is always nice to go back to them throughout the course of the game. 

The demons you encounter have emotions. I believe they are intrigued, happy, angry and fearsome. Make them happy and they will offer a pact with you and give you free stuff and willing to spread rumors for you. Make them angry they will fight you. Make them fear you they will run away. Make them intrigued and you get the cards needed to summon personas and even more if you already have a pact with them. 

I wanted to return to the big complaint though, the high encounter rate. This was something that I felt hot and cold about. Most of the time this didn’t bother me, because I needed to level up my personas anyway. But when I needed to backtrack and explore further, it did get a little bothersome. 

You can use estoma to avoid enemies weaker than you. It is not a passive skill, so once you have a persona that has it, you have to cast it every time it wears off. At the Mu casino, you can also purchase a disguise kit that does the same thing, but it effects last about the same amount of time and it is ridiculously expensive. Just use estoma. 

As briefly mentioned above, unlike Persona 5 in which you can just catch Personas, in P2IS there are only two ways to get them. You get cards from demon negations, take those cards to the velvet room and then trade them in for a Persona. But you have to enough cards to summon it and the persona has to be 5 cards within your character level. 

You can also talk to the demon painter, for him to make you cards for the specific arcana you want by using blank cards. These are also given through demon negotiations that you have a pact with. 

In P2, ALL your characters are capable of changing out Personas, but their compatibility with different personas varies with their Arcana. 

The other way to get personas is through the story. There are certain actions that you must take to get the prime personas and then the final personas. These personas are character specific and you can’t give them to other characters. 

I wanted to talk about three more things before I move on to the story: rumormongers, fusion spells, and dungeons. 

Persona 2IS is based around rumors. Just like P3 is for the dark hour, P4 the midnight channel, P5 around palaces and so on...

To get certain items and progress the story, you MUST gather and spread rumors. There are five characters throughout the game called rumormongers. They will give you information in exchange for receiving information. You then share this information to the detective agency, pay a fee for them to spread them for you, and there you go. rumor spread. As mentioned earlier, there are also demon specific rumors. 

Fusion spells were something I really enjoyed in this game. Although hearing “Are you ready? Here goes” and “Let’s go everybody” will be stuck in my head for the rest of eternity...

Basically, to create a fusion spell, members in your party require a requisite spell and then that party member is placed in a specific order when taking turns. Once that spell is unlocked, it will let you know if you have the requisite spells and you no longer have to adjust the order of party members. Some of the spells you need to unlock fusion spells are persona specific. The fusion spells are elemental. 

I will not go into weaknesses of elemental spells, I am just going to say that you aren’t “down”’ed like you are in 3-5. 

Finally, my first real pet peeve with this game-the dungeons.

Oh boy. Air raid, AeroSpace and one of the four Zodiac dungeons (I am pretty sure its Eikichi’s) gets ALL my hate. There are cheap gimmicks that make the game artificially hard but only for these dungeons and more so, frustrating. 

But I am not going to go into detail why, and the other dungeons are not bad at all. But play the game and experience these dungeons for yourself. That is all I am going to say about that.

Story:

This section will be nowhere was long as gameplay. The story did not go where I thought it would, but that’s a good thing. I would go in completely blind if you can. The ending definitely surprised me a bit. I think it has one of the best stories of the persona games.

It does not follow a calendar like the later Persona games and time just blends together. By the end of the game, you won't know if a day, week or month passed from the beginning to the end.

Music:

The music is actually really good. It is the reason why I played the game in the first place. Just don’t look at the soundtracks names. Spotify has it available if you live in the US. You are better off listening to the soundtrack because I promise you that most dungeons songs will be cut off due to the frequency of battles. 

Some of my favorite songs are Smile Hirasaka, Unbreakable Tie, Kurosu’s theme, Joker and the Taurus dungeon’s theme.

Characters:

Despite Persona 2 not having social links, I feel like I know these characters better than some of the persona games that do have social links. It is also the only Persona game that I can say without any hesitation that I like the entire main cast. 

I truly love them all, but my favorite would probably be Yukino or Maya. 

Unlike other Personas, the dynamics for Persona 2 IS are different, because not all of your party members are high school students. The adult characters have adult problems, the high school students have high school problems, and all of them have deep psychological problems and abandonment issues that will take years of intense therapy (or Philemeon) to forget.

One of the biggest themes of Persona 2 is confronting your past and learning from the mistakes of your childhood. And the characters do! And by the end of the game you are so proud of how far they have come. And then things happen...

LGBTQ representation

Let me say that I started P2IS off on the wrong foot, but I am still absolutely justified at being upset by it. One of the very first interactions you can have with a NPC is through a very uncomfortable exchange between you, Eikichi and a transman that is pretty transphobic. And to add the icing on the cake, Atlus refers to him as a “weird woman.” 

I was literally going to just stop playing the game like an hour in because of that, but I decided to continue.

What I discovered was a game that has highs and lows when it comes to LGBTQ representation. 

You can play as a bi character who can confess his feelings to men and women. *Stares hard at Persona 4 and Persona 5*

You have a gay character that has an interesting story, character development, is unabashedly gay and isn’t a walking stereotype. Nor is his entire arc centered around gay panic. 

From what I understand the dialogue from the NPC does get better, but I am not holding my breath. 

And the one sapphic kiss scene we get in a Persona game is a kiss of manipulation and not love. So that is a little sad. 

But overall, P2IS does try to make an effort. And it definitely makes a better effort than its successor released almost 2 decades later.

Extra content:

Again, Persona 2 doesn’t have social links or a calendar. Please don’t approach it like the other games where you have to fill up your time between dungeons. It is not a necessity, but there are things you can do. 

Mu is a casino that you can visit that allows you to play mini games to gain coins that you can use to get weapons, rare items, and even unlock personas. I spent a little too much time at Mu....

You can also talk to NPCs to do side missions. Be careful though. You have to do the side missions in a given amount of time or you may not get rewarded for it. Also P2IS is very much like Final Fantasy 9 where it is much better to go to a place sooner than later, because there may not be a later...

You also have the factory which is an optional dungeon that opens up more and more as you progress through the game. 

There is the theater which is a PSP exclusive which has side missions unrelated to the main story that you can play. They are okay.

Wishlist

I hear so many people wanting a remake of P2IS so the game can be more accessible. I am very torn about this. Besides the difficulty and maaybe tweaking the encounter rate a bit, I wouldn’t change a thing. However, I also know that I couldn’t enjoy Shadow of Colossus until the controls were updated. Like I tried and then just gave up. 

I honestly don’t want a remake. I don’t trust the Atlus of today with this game.

I do want it to be acknowledged and more accessible though. 

But if I had to make a wish list, this is what it would be. Again, this would be a “it would be nice list.”

Make the battles harder.

Update cut scenes? I really like the art for the cut scenes already, but would like some more. Maybe keep the drawings but update the CG?

Social side quests. I do not want social links in Persona 2. However, side quests that allow you to learn more about your character like a social link would, would be something I would be very interested in. 

Make the portraits consistent. The art from the original game and the new art put in the PSP game (I am talking about you climax lady) clash so much. Pick one style and stick to it.

I want to fight Ms. Ideal. Let me do it for reasons. Give me a chance to battle her.

I want the option to switch out characters. I love both Jun and Yukki, but I want to be able to play with both. 

Let me skip the animation when I create a new Persona. 

*EDIT*  I can’t believe I forgot this and feel awful I did, but I do think they should keep the trans NPC, but change the dialogue and the the name. It isn’t the NPC that is the problem but the dialogue and actions. Otherwise, I think it would be ok. 

I think that’s it.

Recommendation:

So should you play Persona 2 IS? Short answer, yes. Long answer is that it is complicated. In a few months the game will no longer be accessible for psp consoles. The physical version of the game is ridiculously expensive. You will have to accept the fact this game is on psp and its sequel’s psp version never came to English speaking markets.

You may not like the graphics, gameplay, or that it doesn’t feel like the later persona games. And as much as I love this game, that is alright. You do you. But I truly do think you are missing out on a great game. So if you have the opportunity to do so, yeah absolutely give it a shot. 

[maldito-arbol]

It is occurring to me that the events of my life over the last 2-3 months are very much blurred together in an amalgamation of trauma and dissociation and depression and I can hardly remember me at all. Hey. Sorry. I probably need therapy.

My current update on life is: still living with a friend. It seems as though my parents are content in having abandoned me and harbor no desire to apologize nor to take me back. It’s hard to accept but by no means am I surprised, I’m simply tired. I have to rebuild my own self and my own life here, where I stand now. Rebuilding is hard, but I have to keep trying. It’s the only way I can keep myself from falling off the deep end.

In regards to work, yes I did end up quitting my job. I put in my two weeks and I served them despite them many many times tempting me to just leave and never look back—no, I stuck it out, and I earned my due pay. I thought work was hard before, but it suddenly became hell on earth once I made it known I wasn’t going to let them push me around any longer. I am still trying to understand that I deserve better, am still trying to comprehend that I CAN get better…it’s a lot. I thought if I wasn’t suffering then I wasn’t worth anything at all. And that’s just the way I was raised, the way I’ve been treated all my life from school to work to home. It took me a very long time to realize the people I was around were toxic, and when I did, I felt so sick I could almost die.

Guys, I don’t know how quite to express the way I felt and the way I feel, but I thought I should maybe give you some more insight to my life in a formal post rather than just disjointed pieces in the tags of my posts. So the long story short (though unfortunately still too long) is, I was trapped in an abusive home that eventually imploded and resulted in my eviction by my very petulant mother over a barely qualified for conversation conversation about politics. Because she couldn’t stand the fact that I didn’t want to listen to her. I’d hate to imagine how she’d react if I told her I was gay, or genderfluid of all things if she reacted this way over the fact that I lean left politically. Isn’t that incredible? After all the horrible things she’s put me through, physically, mentally, emotionally, she sees fit to kick me out because I snarled “I don’t care” when she attempted to sway me. It’s funny actually. I spent so many nights crying over something so pathetic. Maybe it’s because she’s my mother and her actions directly imply that I am a child unwanted by the one who birthed them, a child who was never truly loved or cared about in the way children dream of. That undying, uncompromising, unconditional love every human being desires. And in a perfect world it should be guaranteed by a mother, but it’s not. How cruel is it that I feel more loved by my friends’ parents than I do by my own? You know no matter what, they’ll never be my birth parents. There will always be that missing hole in my heart no matter how much I tell myself this is enough. Because I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved. And yet I crave it so much. So much that I was willing to be abused, to be put down, to be the punching bag to a miserable, uncaring woman who didn’t know the first thing about love. Even now sometimes I wonder how she’s doing without me. Does she worry? Does she feel regret? Guilt? Anything? Or does she simply go about her day thinking, “it’s no big deal, I have two more children I can ream in your stead.” As for my dad, I may hold off on getting into that whole rabbit hole, because I feel like I shouldn’t even bother giving him the time of day if he barely will even give me that. He is very very very tiring, and I fear I spent too long desiring a relationship that will simply never blossom.

I thought work was my escape. I thought that repetitive tasks would help distract me from my problems, would provide me something to live for, cause gods know I couldn’t come up with a creative reason myself. And yet, in a way, being mentally shattered once again by my mother once again taught me a little lesson about the other people in my life: if they act like my mother, they’re doing something wrong. And my boss, while different in many ways, shared a core of manipulation mastery that really should’ve bothered me from the start. And because I had been kicked out, because I’d moved in with people who genuinely cared about me, all of the sudden I saw how horribly mistreated I was at work. It was easier to write it off before, when I was treated worse at home so work felt like Heaven. But it wasn’t. It never was. How many times I fooled myself into believing it was. It’s interesting how being loved and cared about can show you just how poorly you’ve had it everywhere else. So when my sister quit because of another explosion of verbal abuse from my boss, I decided that was my final sign to throw in the towel. While she simply walked off the job, I allowed my boss to keep me for two more weeks; just to be polite, just to be professional, and I may have just shot myself in the foot in doing so. It’s quite a show manipulators will put on when they realize they’re about to lose you. When holding power and the high ground over you has been torn down, ripped away from them, you see truly the desperation, the lengths they will go to restore order and control over you. I was emotionally manipulated, gaslighted, bribed even in my final days. She had power over me almost to the bitter end, because I so nearly gave up and gave in so many times. I was emotionally broken, and I still am, but what frightened me so then was that she knew my weaknesses and she knew how to exploit them. She understood I was alone and scared and still picking up the pieces in my own life, and with that understanding came not compassion but the determination to squash me underneath her thumb. I needed a whole army of healthy people in my life to beg me not to rescind my decision, to prod and poke at me to follow through with my exit in order to ensure I made it out safely, though clearly not unscathed.

Of course I’m going to continue carrying the trauma from this, but I won’t allow it to be special. I’m going to dump it carelessly into a duffel bag stuffed with every unkind word and every bruise and hit from my mother, with every humiliation and heartbreak dealt by my teachers, with every fucking dumbshit rumor and practiced bullying technique from my peers at a whole variety of different schools and clubs and camps, with every user and moocher from friend groups past, and anything and everything that has left its lovely scar be it on my skin or in my mind. You struck me hard enough to remain for the lifelong flight? Cool. You’ll find your seat in the back with all the snot-nosed children and disappointed mothers and not a good enough view to provide entertainment for the whole trip. Eat some far too salty crackers and wonder what your life has come to. I hope you enjoy.