#it persisteth

[stupot]

oh btw i hit 3k followers on here like a week ago so thanks for that. i reckon a solid third of you--and thats a conservative estimate--are bots and long-inactive yugioh fan accounts from 2012, but the point stands :)

[marshmellowtea]

it's been too long since i've properly written diapers in any fics i keep getting flustered in the middle of writing this ghlkasdjfkldasjf

[elsiebrayisgay]

if one more person tries to tell me i'm depressed when i bring up fatigue i'm going to shriek and wail aloud before them—

it feels so invalidating and i know fatigue from depression is real and valid but it feels like hearing "it's all in your head, just get up and get moving, you'll feel better" which is probably also supposed to help my eds symptoms but isn't materially very realistic. i get up and get out to the extent that i can, and yet the fatigue persisteth.

[stinkard]

barring obvious and superfluous plot-related details, wei wuxian and vash the stampede are fundamentally the same character. i figured it out. i've connected the niche and largely unnecessary dots and now my mind can't be changed.

unspeakably powerful red-black goth weirdo

would rather die violently than prioritize or discuss their own emotions

fucked up brother (nothing but love for my sweet angels. the muzzles are staying on though)

horrors persisteth and yet they stay Silly Funny Goofy 🤪

attached to a big stoic dude with a large weapon

i could easily go on

[dreamcrow]

crow's 2023 writing retrospective

i keep feeling guilty for not sitting down and doing a proper writeup but again. life persisteth apace.

anyway: in 2023 i am most proud of continuing to write a little bit of niche side blorbo otp despite, as you know, the unceasing horrors. some other happenings, in no particular order:

thought briefly about resurrecting/revising a fic from an old fandom (then posting the new version on anon) and then did not do that.

thought briefly about dipping my toe back into the first real fandom i met antis in (and subsequently didn't write for four years about) and then definitely did not do that.

kept up with my very powerful stats spreadsheet consistently and then decided i am not going to care about numbers in 2k24. rip little buddy, we had a good run.

ran unexpectedly into an author i very much admire...! (and hopefully kept in touch with others)

wrestled with my own personal made-up guys to be mad at (guy who says "why not just file the serial numbers off that fanfiction and publish it as your own"; guy who says "all your painstaking exegesis and canon-plausible worldbuilding makes these carefully built-up characters basically ocs (derogatory)"; hatereaders) and (partially successfully?) acquired some new coping skills

posted some of my better (/more sentimentally valuable) meta posts to ao3, as i have been threatening to for a while

thought so, so, so many times about 'what if the wretched ancient children's cartoon villains were very extremely married, actually'...

does this make me cringe? i no longer care. to my fans and haters alike: the shmoopy niche side blorbo otp will continue in 2024. possibly some of it will even be readable. extra credit if i finally manage to put out a.) tall on tall violence threesome fic and/or b.) literally any kind of smut. i feel much more daring than i ever would have expected after ice cream sandwich dot googledoc, but also, i really do just want to get bellroc tenderly railed into unconsciousness; un/fortunately i am me, so even untitled dream lemon feels like it requires about 50,000 words of setup.

...according to scrivener, it's actually closer to 75k, but. shh.

anyway. to everyone who commented on or shared my work this year: you are without exaggeration a force for good. perhaps a small one, but no matter how small the light (nor how mild the darkness) one keenly felt.

good reading and good writing in the new year, friends.

[calamity-aims]

enduring the summer horrors feels absolutely surreal because instead of rainy weather where I can hide from the horrors in a protective nest of pillows and blankets I instead have to endure clear blue skies and wear summer hats and sunglasses

But still the horrors persisteth

[mengyao]

3, 5, 6, 22!

3: What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need?

my problem is that i can always be arsed to write all the set-up and context and this is how i get into Pickles (all my wips get out of hand.) i'm sure there's something though… OH i know. it's the ling wen/pei ming/shi wudu fic of my dreams, which involves escalating bets/wagers and culminates in a sleazy threesome but they all have feelings about it but the feelings are complex and unnameable. they are not in love but they love each other but also they don't. but they do. you know.

to get the vibe i want, it couldn't just be pwp though. like i would want this to be a trojan horse of emotionally dense 3 tumours character study. but also funny, because they're comedians to me. minimum 5k of buildup necessary, and in order to do that and have it be good i would have to Get A Degree In Pei Ming And Ling Wen And Shi Wudu and tbh the reason i don't write more poly ships is that having to canon review to get two characters' voices down is enough work as it is… you expect me to do more than that……………….

5: What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

i've flippantly posted about this before but i do feel like i have an elevated level of insight into the nhs + nmj dynamic due to the circumstances of my dad's health issues/head injury/death lmao. i would never do all of that though <3

6: What character do you have the most fun writing?

nie huaisang is the obvious answer (assigned comic relief at birth. a font of earnest sadstuck. deserves to go to prison. the swiss army knife of blorbos.) but shi qingxuan is edging up there. i thought my beefleaf sex pollen fic was going to be 3k but it ended up 8k because sqx as a pov character just kept going and going and going and i was having a GREAT time. i used to shy away from writing characters who are talky and have big personalities because i felt like whatever i wrote would turn out feeling fake and/or annoying, or that it would be more obvious if my characterization was off than if the character was more subdued… i guess i'm just more self-confident now?

more than just being extroverted and chatty, i think what's sooo fun and novel to me about shi qingxuan is that they're such a doer. after primarily writing cerebral repressos for the past 15 years it's so refreshing to write a character whose reaction to most situations is to follow their instinct… they keep the plot moving! never a dull moment!

22: Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

ah ha ha ha ha yeah no i reread stuff i wrote in the last ~2 years allll the time. i know what i like! and if it already existed up to spec i wouldn't have written it! there's definitely stuff i find cringe and parts i skim if i'm not happy with them but overall i spend a lot of time on my own ao3 page......

///

you also asked about foowd extras... i still find writing + sharing these kind of mortifying because despite bravado about my trans fanfiction brand, part of my brain is still like "okay but NOW it's cringe because NOW it's not 'suicidal closeted trans character is depressed and makes bad choices' but 'comparably emotionally stable character is a known transgender and has some good things happen to her' so everyone will point and laugh over your SELF INDULGENT WISH FULFILLMENT!!!1!1!!1" because the particular brainworm i find very difficult to remove re: residual shame over writing trans fic is the idea of anything you write being automatically discounted as personal projection basically on par with readerfic rather than coming from being genuinely interested in the canon character(s). and wanting to write about nice things happening to fictional trans people being like, THE WORST MOST CRINGE thing you could ever do. but i persisteth.

it's funny because i WOULDN'T even say they are just fluffy wish fulfillment stuff... the four "chapters" i'm planning on posting have a bit of an emotional arc, and what interested me enough to write them out instead of just leaving them as comfy eyelid movies were questions like "now that it's actually happening, how WOULD nhs actually feel about the prospect of not only stepping down from sect leadership but uprooting her entire life to go join another sect," with the idea that, if that were to actually happen rather than stay an escapist fantasy, she'd probably feel... pretty conflicted about it! it would be weird (even if ultimately worth it)!

so there's that. and then there's the fact that the entire original fic largely sprung out of ideas about sangcheng eventually being in a long-term relationship that looked a certain way, and then reverse engineering the interpersonal arc that would be needed to get them there (and that becoming the main fic.) foowd proper ends when they've only just even actually "become a couple," and you don't get to see much of that... so i wanted to chuck at least SOME of what i imagine about straight married sangcheng's day to day life into the world. (not that it's even at that point yet LMAO. EVENTUALLY!!!) if for no other reason than that there's a strong chance that sometime i'll reference something from the extended foowd lore in casual conversation forgetting that no one has any idea what i'm talking about because it does not exist anywhere except my brain

[mithrvn]

this morning i woke up after like 4 hours of sleep bc i was rly hungry so i ate a bagel and i didnt plan on going back to bed but i was too tired to persisteth after like an hour so i did return to bed and fall asleep enough to dream but awake enough to keep hearing noises outside. in my dreams i kept having to catch tiny skinks in the house (in different houses, some real others fictional), waking up and starting my day (but actually still asleep), trying to work out but i kept moving into different rooms with mirrors in different places and the weights i was using kept changing. and i helped my friend wash salad dressing out of their salad because they didnt like it for some reason

[proserpine-in-phases]

Well that was kind of gross. Chester just had a bunch of kind of foamy phlegm or drool come out. It's clear so I'm like 95% sure it's because he spent the day being intubated and having his teeth scraped and whatnot, and he seems to be fine otherwise beyond his eyes being black and fully dilated, but if it persisteth I'm definitely calling in the morning

[dertyk9]

Unveiling the Enigma: Hath Jesus Drained the Wine, or Hath the Wine Run Out?

Introduction: The tale of Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana hath fascinated hearts for many a century. A miracle that doth proclaim his divinity and his wondrous capacity to manifest supernatural wonders. However, a query persisteth: hath the wine been depleted due to Jesus’ intervention, or did the wine in that very place simply exhaust itself? In this discourse, we shalt…

[marshmellowtea]

despite not posting about it as rabidly as i have past interests party down hyperfixation somehow persisteths and y'know what ya gotta respect it lmao

[narke]

it persisteth

[mmmmalo]

[gnarlykickflip]

tumblr: we arent deleting posts we are just hiding the explicit ones so only the poster can see them :)

po*n blogs: continue posting the same pics with the same virus links attached, continue following me to show up in my notes, continue reblogging my posts only to delete all content and replace it with links to porn

[cloudbattrolls]

"TUUYA. THE WEIRDO I AM STRANGLY FOND OF."

We lost another one, boys, but Tuuya does like Diplomat a lot too, because great friendships are forged over mind control abilities, murder, eating weird shit, and exploring.

[coerulus]

Brienne: you are without a doubt one of the most irritating creatures I have ever had the misfortune to meet

Beck: aw, you know you love me

Brienne: [stares at her for a full ten seconds] DAMMIT YOU'RE RIGHT