#it probably helps that its so small but the same like 5 ppl are p active and very cool. u know who u are!!!!

[isdisorigionalenoughforyou]

Super sexy aa7 ideas that will never happen

*puts on my clown shoes

Themes: “the worst times are when lawyers have to smile their brightest, but you can’t be a lawyer 24/7” “sometimes (esp now) the system is WRONG”

CASE 1

Klavier Gavin prosecutes, because society has progressed beyond needing Paynes

And if the widespread complaint is that he’s too nice, this position is perfect

Make a witty remark abt feeling demoted >:(

Athena and Trucy dream team girls

Murder took place at a theater/has something to do with acoustics, to ~fit the characters~

Maybe Lamiroir was there 👀

Phoenix is once again a witness, but hes less infuriating. But still fucking funny infuriating

He mentions his college degree, vaguely. Pressing him reveals nothing.

Also address that TRUCY AND KLAVIER PROBABLY HAVE SOME TRAUMA FROM MURDERS AT THEIR PERFORMANCES

Defend a rando

The twist: the murder only could’ve been committed by someone with superhuman hearing, so Athena’s senses are vital here!!

End: the culprit tries to psychologically fuck with everyone, but Athena stays strong, maybe uses some noise cancelling headphones, and corners the SHIT out of them

Also, there’s a new judge. A higher judge than your normal judge, who is a boomer. BOOMER JUDGE

Post-trial: a comment about all them missing Apollo…

CASE 2

Athena vs Franziska von Karma

Athena calls her out on the whipping if that’s still a thing

[Maybe Trucy is there again for extra spice,,,] but Solo Thena would be EPIC

NEW FRANZISKA DESIGN

Maybe we can bring Maya back here, but NOT ACCUSE HER FOR MURDER

Or accuse her at the scene but quickly disprove it

Idk also address her trauma

Wow this is turning into ATHENA CYKES- ACE THERAPIST

Put Simon there too because he’s hilarious

Maybe him and Maya are casually attending Comic-Con for the Steel Samurai panel

Defendant: some toxic celebrity with DRAMA

the twist: the murderer was targeting several high-profile ppl, but only killed like. A janitor instead. They aren’t found OR arrested, but you get a not guilty by… indicting their accomplice. And it HURTS but you have to or its your not-guilty kinda-a-dick client that gets guilty

New judge plays by the written rules, so u can’t ague ur case

Franziska is skeptical of the Accomplice’s guilt, but she lets the verdict go because your client is innocent.

Athena cries to Phoenix about how she feels like she fricked up b/c she empathizes with the accomplice but also everyone, Phoenix does his best dad comfort—this is the truth that’s allowed in the confines of their court system.

CASE 3

NARUMITSU DATE

Open with a call from Maya. She loudly thanks the god/the holy mother for this

MURDER!!! AT THE VENUE  

Kay and Sebastian are there

GUMSHOEEEEE (OLDER SPRITE??? Higher salary?? Maggey too?)

Classic Wright vs Edgeworth

All the options are flirty

Everything is an innuendo

Trucy co-council is embarrassed by ur Old Man Flirting (NEW SPRITES)

Lampshade conflict of interest what with dating opposing council. Gloss over it completely

Phoenix’s college degree is vaguely mentioned to be helping him. This is Not elaborated on

The murder is some crazy shit that basically parodies the whole series

TWO SETS OF EVIL TWINS

3 cross poisonings and with INTERESTING results of chemicals mixing (Ema: 👀)

All the dying messages were faked

Handedness contradiction.

Some gross old guy appears, but you can punch him

The murder weapon goes from bloody knife with defendants fingerprints on it to glass shards of a broken bottle to an icicle to an overly spikey piece of hair

EXTRATERRITORIAL RIGHTS

For extra funnies: BOOMER JUDGE IS NOT USED TO THIS. They are the straight person of this comedy clown case.

For extra feels (the twist): Phoenix actually has an emotional breakdown on one of the investigation days. Maybe Trucy gets put at risk again, or something with poisoning, or even something with Kay or Seb (to show how much Phoenix cares, in general) and we address all the shit that he’s gone thru

Awkward comforting by miles

HUG SPRITE/ART

CASE 4

(shoves Klavier into Khura’in) GO FAKEGERMANBOY GO

Play as Apollo (khura’inese clothes sprites)

KLAVIER CO-COUNCIL (CASUAL SPRITES?? Put his hair up in a bun capcom im begging)

ADRESS AA4

Maybe at the end of one investigation, theres just. A heartfelt talk.

Ok ill make it heavy (b/c if its lighthearted these fuckos will never talk about their feelings)

LAMIROIR IS HERE TOO??

TRUCY ALSO- im sorry truce im shoving you everywhere because I want you to develop

maybe she and Klavier are like, performer bros

Apollo is happy that Trucy is but also feels alienated, like AA6 totally pulled him from his AA4 roots [COUGH]

CASUAL TRUCY SPRITE??? I would cry capcom

Nahyuta, Rayfa, and Apollo being awkward but trying (and mostly succeeding) siblings, Amara being a scary but p good queen momther

FRANZISKA INTERNATIONAL PROSECUTING??? Idk it’d be epic tho

She roasts Klavier so bad

Though he is very smart so she just roasts his terrible German

Resolve the Gramarye siblings here?

Include something with gender dysphoria to contrast how they butchered Robin Newman???

This is huge headcanon territory here tho

The Twist: realizing that this case cannot POSSIBLY be resolved in 3 fucking days. Also that Apollo is so backlogged that hes stressed and he probably needs help

Also someone tries to frame Klavier with his Gavinners-brand shoeprints

End: answer yes/no to Klavier working at Justice Law Offices. The choice affects his dialogue with Apollo in 7-5

CASE 5

Some fuckin. International level scandal

Elaborate on whatever the fuck “the phantom” was spying for? btw is the same that the culprits froms 7-2 and 7-4. maaybe 7-1?

And it involves MORE AUDITORIUMS

Open w/ calling Trucy, whos in the states. She mentions that Klavier casually got a Japanifornian defense attorney badge. Cue exasperation/fondness/incredulity (I promise this is relevant)

In Khura’in

Starts small- like a robbery, which leads to an attempt on Thalassa’s life. Again

Athena gets to therapy her

Then someone high-profile actually fucking dies

Athena (co-council Apollo) vs FINAL BOSS FRANZISKA

Lots of investigating with them

Talk about space center and grief

The twist: a person with low emotional output is framed, but they are innocent because LOWER EMOTIONAL REACTIONS DOESN’T MAKE YOU FUCKING EVIL

The other twist: Bring in 7-2 framed person for a character witness, show that they’re innocent. Athena is panicking because of Fear(?) so Apollo is determined to Do Something, and points out how this only happened because the system is Stupid and calls Klavier and Trucy

BECAUSE:

At the same time, there’s a stateside investigation. some botched, continued interreference at the Space Station

Klavier can pull an Edgeworth and investigate with Trucy

With parently narumitsu

Klavier talks about Apollo a lot, Trucy calls him out on it

Nahyuta is prosecuting this case

Depending on the relations between Klavier and Nahyuta established in 7-4, this will be hilarious or disastrous

Protective Yuty route: makes scathing comments about petty parts of Klavier- a petty-off

Teasing Yuty route: brings it up whenever Klavier talks about Apollo. Rlly funny banter. Klavier showing more human emotions sprites!!

Revisit the Space Center and get emo. Simon is here, arguing with Nahyuta

Because the cases go to trial simultaneously, the comment about the wrong conviction in 7-2 can be brought to the Japanifornian courts by Klavier and Trucy

They argue that Athena was forced to do that to spare an innocent and press HARD for legal reform

They call in Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth for reforms??

They also start a twitter war (that can be investigation minigame) and get public opinion up abt it

Yuty vouches for change, w/ khura’in as evidence

SO AA4 CAN GET KINDA RESOLVED!!

DUNK ON BOOMER JUDGE

BONUS: CASE 6: TURNABOUT CHILLOUT

Phoenix vs Franziska

Larry time

Scruffy time

Idk man. No more international stuff, just good old fashioned cleaning up ur shitty dad’s messes amiright

Resolve things with the Shelly card?

oldbag cameo but you file a restraining order

help trucy and pearls with college

TLDR: Athena actually tracks an international conspiracy that has weight, the AJ gang once again changes the system, Phoenix gets emotional resolution, Franziska helps international stuff AND gets emotional resolution, and i finally stop trying to throw hands with capcom. 

[thisplace-ishaunted]

20 Writer Questions Tag!

Thank you @yours-eternally-ao3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

32. One is a podfic and one is a commentary. So, 30 unique works.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

70,576

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

uh, 2? I guess? Motionless in White and now, recently, Midnight Mass.

Other tagged fandoms include crossover characters Tim (tagged Tim Skold and Manson Band [for visibility's sake]), Ville (tagged HIM), and crossover concepts stolen from Deathnote.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Fleeting (emo ricky texting chris)

2. Playing Chess, Not Checkers (trans!vin video for Ricky)

3. Helpless (toxic chris manipulating dummy ricky)

4. Sike (justin/chris in the shower)

5. I'll Help You Fall Down With Me (riley/john dubcon)

Honestly this is shocking for me! Especially because I dont feel like Fleeting is all that popular?? Idk. Thanks for the kudos on Helpless tho, I'm really proud of that one and I am glad that ppl like it.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Usually! If I haven't responded, it is usually because I just forgot :P sorry

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

lmao I think Helpless steals the show on this one.

Chris smearing Ricky's blood across his face is pretty fuckin angsty I think

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

awwwww I think Hold Me Close :)

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

See the question regarding tags, ig. I LOVE my deathnote concept but its a fic about SH so i understand why people wouldnt want to read it.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nope. I am pretty lucky

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

uh, have you met me? I only write smut to the point when I try to write anything that isn't smut it is either extremely difficult or it ends up being gory which just reads like smut lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I think so?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I think that eventually @ao3userfeistycadavers will manage to get our shit together and co write something and maybe the universe will implode a little bit bc our power is too strong

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

In general? Eclare from degrassi because I am trash.

That i've written? Probably Chris/Justin.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I started a Cricky sharps play one a while ago but that is definitely abandoned. And a Ryan/Justin alien probing one, but I still don't think I liked the idea enough to ever finish writing it. I think I am pretty good at sticking with something I like until I finish it

16. What’s your writing strengths?

uh

I think I have some pretty unique concepts and characterizations. Not all of my ideas are unique, but some of them definitely are. (examples being: Can't Find No Heaven [sourthern gothic serial killer boyfriends Ryan/chris], lightly manipulative and overprotective Chris in Helpless, and demon Tim in Angel Of Small Death.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Describing the same people over and over again (cough chris cough), I tend to use the same descriptive phrases to describe their appearance. A specific example being I always describe how Chris' short hair (like he has now) tends to fall forward into his face. I don't do it intentionally but I catch myself and It is so aggravating!

Also I think I overthink things when I write them. I try to write when I am intoxicated occasionally and I think it really helps me to get out of my critical brain and just let it happen. (I think two of my anon fics were written when I was drunk? And the ville/ricky one was definitely)

18. What’s your thought on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

n/a

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

miw

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This may be unexpected, but Can't Find No Heaven. I feel like it really packs a punch, which considering they are very tiny vignettes, Is quite a task. I didn't think I would be as proud of them as I am!

I don't think I have anyone to tag that Alex hasn't already. Do this if youre interested! <3. I know everyone likes to shout about their own writing.

If any of you ever have any questions about any of my fics, or want to ask questions about details in my AU's, please send me an ask! I would love to discuss further.

[zhuhongs]

Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX) 

There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:

A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi  and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((

a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5  when it was rlly out of place and  there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.

a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy

OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write

also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.

ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.

Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.

Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme

Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 31

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: i hope its not too bad. im scared ppl are gonna lose interest tbh. and i know, so many dialogues but it was needed!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 31 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I woke up the next day a bit disoriented. I couldn't remember when exactly I fell asleep but as soon as my eyes opened, I felt my lips curl. Niall was laying next to me and we were both facing each other. He was still asleep and I brought my hand to his cheek, making him whimper very low. Slowly, I moved closer and pressed my lips on his gently, leaving a small and soft kiss on his mouth. His eyes fluttered half-open and when he saw me, his lips curled. It made my bite my bottom lip when I realized I hadn't seen him this happy in a while. Niall was someone who was always smiling but at this exact moment, it was even more than that. Or perhaps it was the reflection of my own happiness that I could see on his face.

He didn't say anything, he just moved closer to kiss my lips again, making them curl. I brought my hand over my mouth and smiled more.

"Hi."

He chuckled and also brought his hand in front of his mouth.

"Hi." he repeated. "Morning breath?"

"Would be bad if it was the first impression you had of me in the morning."

This time, he laughed and i felt my heart melt in my chest.

"I've smelled your morning breath and been a witness of more." he pointed out with what I guessed was a smirk from the way the corner of his eyes moved up. "Those little futile things won't change my love for you."

I could feel my heart flutter at the same time than my eyes when I heard his words.

"I woke up facing you like this so many times. I've wanted to kiss you so many times. This is the first time I actually do it. I never thought I would."

He stared at me and took his hand away. He was not smirking anymore, just smiling softly at me. I never thought Niall would ever look at me this way. I wouldn't have dared to wish for it.

"Fuck morning breath." he just said moving closer to me and getting half his body on top of mine before pushing my hand gently away and kissing me. It took me a few seconds to allow him to deepen the kiss but eventually I did. I closed my eyes, enjoying the way he kissed me and the warmth of his body over mine until he groaned in my mouth. "How did you sleep?"

I tried to think of an answer but all I could focus on was the way his lips ran down on my neck and how good they felt on my skin. I wanted to lock myself with him in his room for weeks like our own private and deserted island, leaving reality behind.

His phone started ringing and he groaned, his lips stopping on my collarbone. He simply sighed and I grimaced before he got up and searched for his phone through the pockets of the pants he wore the day before. It was not his type to leave dirty clothes on the floor but it seemed like both of us were distracting the other and I couldn't hide that I liked it.

"Hello?" he quickly answered without checking the caller ID... and with the way his face changed, I believed he shouldn't have had. "Oh hi."

I sat in bed and tilted my head, feeling suddenly a bit stressed, wondering who was on the phone but also annoyed, because whoever it was, they were clearly disturbing our alone time like some sort of ship running aground on the beach of my private island. I pushed on the covers and turned to face him, crossing ,my legs as I sat on the end of the bed.

"No, sorry, I'm busy tonight." Niall continued, turning to look at me before sending me a small smile. "I'm spending time with my girlfriend."

I held my breath and Niall stopped moving. After a few seconds, he raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. "No, I don't mean my friend who is a girl, I really mean the girl i'm officially dating. My girlfriend." Silence. "Okay, bye."

He hung up and sighed, throwing his phone on the bed and looking through his drawers for a clean pair of boxers that he just took out.

"Who was it?" I didn't want to seem invasive but the question was burning my lips.

"Oh." he just said with a shrug, glancing at me. "It was Heidi."

The simple mention of her name made my heart jump in my throat, making me slightly nauseous. I was not sure if it was because I was jealous or scared but all I knew was that Niall had sex with her a few times and that it was probably why she was calling. I wanted to ask him to delete her number or even block it but I knew I couldn't. I was trying not to be that kind of girlfriend, the type who gets insecure about every little thing that happens, and every girl her boyfriend talks to, but it wasn't easy. Niall and I were clearly not in the same league and although I knew love is not about physical appearances, I couldn't help but be nervous about all of this.

I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious but also mad at myself for letting someone like Heidi ruin my mood.

"I need a shower." he let out, taking me out of my thoughts. "Wanna come with?"

My mind suddenly went blank and my lips parted slightly as I stared at him. Did I want to see Niall naked and wet in the shower? Fuck yes. Did I want to stand in front of him in my birthday suit? Hell no.

"You reek too, by the way." he added with a smirk, taking his shirt off and throwing it in the laundry basket before turning back to me again and raising his eyebrows.

"Uhm."

I couldn't talk and I couldn't move. I could feel my heart beat all over my body, not really knowing what to answer. He knelt in front of me with a worried expression and placed his hands on my thighs. I could feel how warm they were, even through the fabric of his sweatpants that I was wearing, and it made me swallow hard. I was so scared to do or say something that would make me lose him that I could barely think straight. I had to do something about it before it ruined the relationship I had with him. As lovers, but also as best friends.

"Tempting, but no, i'll just go after you."

I tried to look normal and sent him a smile but he frowned a bit before nodding and getting up again. He bent down to kiss my lips and it sent a rush to my brain. I already regretted saying no but I knew i'd regret a 'yes" even more when i'd be naked in front of him.

I realized I was holding my breath when I sighed as soon as I heard the shower start and I closed my eyes, feeling suddenly ridiculous. Niall was now my boyfriend, and he said he loved me... he wouldn't change his mind because of what I look like naked, would he?

I sighed loud and lied back down in bed, grabbing my phone and crossing my ankles together. I couldn't help it and searched Niall's name on google only to find recent articles about him. There were pictures of us kissing at the bar and although it was from afar and not very clear, I felt extremely ugly. 'It's official! Niall Horan finally dating lifelong friend!'

My heart jumped in my chest when I realized the article started with 'After years of friendship, it is without a surprise that Niall Horan is finally seen kissing his childhood friend...' My eyes roamed on the sentence twice, three times... ten. 'Without a surprise'?

I scrolled down to the comments section and started nibbling on my bottom lip. I knew that whatever I would read would end uip hurting me but it was stronger than me. I was not the type to really care about what people thought of me but despite what anyone may tell you, reading mean things about yourself sucks and hurts.

'Can't believe she dated both Harry and Niall! Talk about a dream life! 😍'

'I have no idea how that ugly girl got one of them let alone both. 🤔 It makes no sense'

'They are so adorable!!!!!'

'He fucking deserves better have you seen her? 🤮'

'He lost a bet 😂😂😂'

'OTP OTP OTP 🥰'

I shut my eyes tight again and threw my phone on the bed before groaning low. All I could see behind my eyelids was a parade of emojis and I did the best I could to hold my tears in. I knew Niall was out of my league but some people could be so cruel when hiding behind a computer screen. The shower stopped and when Niall came back in the room, he was followed by a cloud of steam. I looked at him quickly from head to toes, enjoying the view as he walked up to me with only a towel around his waist.

"My turn!" I just said, jumping out of bed. He stopped me as I walked by and pulled me closer, making me chuckle low.

"You're all wet!" I complained jokingly, making him laugh.

"Then just take your clothes off."

His fingers reached for the top of my shirt and he pulled gently on the collar to move it down as his eyes dropped in. I felt my heart jump in my chest and shook my head, taking a step back and making him groan low.

"Pervert!" I added with a chuckle, walking to the bathroom.

I turned around and before closing the door, I stuck my tongue out at him, making him laugh again but I still locked behind myself. I knew my fear and my hatred for my own body was stopping me from living some great things with Niall but I just didn't feel ready to show him all of me. I just wanted him to think I was beautiful. I wanted to turn him on, I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him.

I brushed my teeth first and quickly got undressed and started the waterI stayed a bit longer than I should have in the shower, letting the warm water fall on me and relaxing me as the memories of the night before played over and over in my mind. It was still incredible and unbelievable to me that Niall had finally realized he had feelings for me too but it was my reality now and It felt like I would never get down from my cloud.

I got out of the shower, drying my hair the best I could with a towel before wrapping it around my body and remembering that I left my clothes in the room. I raised my nose up and inhaled deeply before going back. I frowned when I saw him laying in bed in only a pair of boxers and my phone in hands. He looked at me and sighed, turning the phone my way to show me the article I had been reading while he was in the shower.

"I'm sorry I checked your phone it's just..." he sighed again and shook his head. "You shouldn't read shit like that. You know those mean comments aren't true, right?"

I held my towel to make sure it wouldn't fall and sent him a sad smile, walking to the bed. He sat on it and I shrugged as he looked up, wrapping his arms around me.

"Liv, please, listen to me." he let out in a low but worried tone. "I feel so lucky to be with you. You are beautiful and I love you." he paused but he kept staring at me. "Olivia, I love you."

"It's just..." I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling him hold me tighter against him. "I don't know."

"Talk to me, okay?"

I nibbled on my bottom lip and finally just nodded. He let go of me and lied back down in bed, leaving space for me. I lied down next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. I felt secure suddenly and the fact that we weren't looking at each other anymore made it slightly easier.

"You've never seen me naked." I just pointed out.

"That's... correct." he seemed a bit confused. "And i'd like to change that."

My lips curled in a fond smile.

"I mean, I don't know what you're expecting but you may be disappointed." I tried to explain, feeling his arm pull me closer. "I am not shaped like Maya or Heidi or those girls you normally end up with."

Silence. All I could hear was the sound of my heart beating against my chest. He started drawing shapes on the skin of my arm with his fingertip and It made a shiver cross my body as my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me of that time at the movies...

"I only had sex with Maya a few times." he confessed, making me frown.

"Like, how many times?"

"I don't know, four?"

I knew they had dated for a while and it was surprising that they hadn't had sex more often. Clearly, she wanted him and no one could not want her. I frowned more, a bit confused by it but also wondering why exactly he was telling me that.

"Why?"

My question was not clear but I knew he'd understand.

"I couldn't." he explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I couldn't because I only wanted you."

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. It was laughable to think someone had the chance to bang a girl like Maya but couldn't because they wanted me more.

"I guess my love for you made it impossible for me to lust after an other girl." he continued. "I don't know what you're scared of but I know I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone else. And I won't be disappointed because it'll be you. And that's all I want. You."

I let my eyes roam on his body and I couldn't deny that I wanted him, too. I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. Obviously, this relationship was based on more than sex but it seemed to be an issue and I understood that he wanted to solve it. I also wanted to share everything with him. We had never really talked about sex together, at least not about our personal sex life. It's not that it embarrassed me but I didn't want to hear about the girls he had sex with and what he did with them. it would have been too hard to hear because of my love for him and for that reason, I also kept my stories a secret to make sure he wouldn't tell me his. It was a precaution I took to avoid my heart being too broken and so far, it had worked.

"Remember when we were in my room and you were about to check in a drawer and I told you not to?" I started in a low voice, raising my eyebrows without looking at him. "It was not because of my underwear.. It's just that... it's the place I keep my vibrators."

His fingers stopped moving on my shoulder and I held my breath, a small smile playing on my lips. I hadn't expected to admit that to him and obviously, he hadn't expected to hear it either.

"Plural?"

"Yes."

We remained in silence for a while and he finally chuckled.

"That's so hot." he admitted, laughing a bit. "There's so many things I don't know about you when it comes to sex, Liv, and I'd love to talk about it with you."

My traits softened and I looked up at him, moving slightly to get my head on the pillow, my face turned his way. Talking about my body embarrassed me but talking about sex in general didn't and I was totally fine with that discussion.

"Okay, I go first!" I let out with a smirk. "Who's your favorite pornstar? And if you say Jenna Jameson I'm gonna be very disappointed in you."

He sent me an insulted frown, his lips slightly parted, and it made me laugh.

"Do you know me at all?" he just asked, making me laugh. "I don't think I have a favorite, but I guess I enjoy Shyla Jennings."

I raised my nose up and groaned a bit, still looking at him.

"I can't say I'm surprised, and I also can't blame you."

"Why not surprised?" he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously.

"She's your type." I laughed, moving my chin up to look at him better.

"Oh I have a type now?" he wondered as I nodded. "Alright then, who's your fave pornstar?"

My face changed and I shrugged with a small smile.

"Gina Valentina, no second thoughts."

I saw a bunch of emotions cross his face and it made me laugh as he shook his head.

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, you wanted a man?" I asked, amused by the conversation, as I sent him a smirk. "Tyler Nixon, then."

His eyes roamed on my face and I tried to guess what he was thinking about. He was discovering things about me that I never thought he'd know but I was totally fine with it: I had nothing to hide. His lips curled into a small but fond smile and I licked my lips, my eyes never leaving his. I felt his hand take mine and he placed his palm against mine before intertwining out fingers together.

"Tell me something that you did that I would never guess."

His voice was low and the atmosphere in the room had shifted completely. We looked at each other for a few seconds and I licked my lips. He brought his hand on my waist, now completely facing me, and my heart jumped in my chest at how good he looked.

"One time I had a threesome with two other girls."

His eyes opened slightly more and his eyebrows raised up, making me laugh. He held me tighter, his fingers sinking in the fabric of the towel I still had around me, and I knew he had many questions to ask.

"You did too, didn't you?" I kept talking, raising my eyebrows too as my eyes roamed on his face.

"Maybe." he sent me a smirk. "I mean, one time when I was very drunk... it happened. But the whole thing is a bit blurry."

I don't know why but it was a relief that he didn't remember it clearly and I licked my lips. It was ridiculous of me but I couldn't help it. I knew it was impossible but I wanted to be the only girl he'd lust... the one who would make him cum the hardest, the one he could never forget.

"Was it someone you were dating?"

"I was... seeing one of them." he admitted with a groan. "And it sort of killed whatever relationship we could have had."

I nodded slowly. "It was the same for me. We broke up only a few days later."

"When was that?" he asked with a frown, probably trying to remember something he wasn't even there for.

"During your third tour."

It made me realize how little I talked about myself when it came to relationship and how little I knew about him, too. I had met all his official girlfriend, although the number could be counted on the fingers of one hand (and not the whole hand), but I wasn't aware of all the 'maybe's' and 'almost's'.

"Are you scared of what could happen after we make love?" he finally asked after a long silence. "Or what I will think? Say?"

I sighed low and looked away. Every time the discussion switched back to my insecurities, I couldn't seem to look at him in the eyes. I knew he'd be able to read me and it scared me, but I also knew that at some point, i'd have to open up to him, or I would lose him.

I shook my head slightly, looking at our intertwined fingers and It suddenly hit me. If someone was going to be there no matter what, it would be Niall, the way he's always been there.

"I hate my body, I hate the way I look naked, and there's no way you will like it. These people online, your fans, or whatever, they're all right."

The words came out of my mouth and I didn't even think. Everything I said I meant so deep that it hurt. All of this I had thought and believed for so long that expressing them out loud gave me a shiver.

"You're beautiful." he just said in a whisper.

I looked up in his eyes and I could see that he was hurt. I licked my lips and swallowed hard as he let go of my hand to slide it back on the towel around me. He kept staring at me as his hand pulled gently on the fabric and an other shiver ran all over my body, not only because of the cold air hitting suddenly my damp skin but also because of the thought of being naked in front of him. He pushed the towel on the floor and I held my breath, biting my bottom lip and sucking my stomach in. I didn't know why I cared so much, I had no idea why I was so scared after everything he showed and said, but I couldn't help it.

His fingertips ran on my waist and to my hip, ending softly on my thigh and I swallowed hard as he sent me a small smile. Slowly, he moved over me, pushing me on my back, and I moved my chin up to keep eye contact with him. I loved the feeling of his over me, like the weight on my whole body was some sort of protection against everything else, even my own complexes. He bent closer and brushed his lips against mine so gently that I felt my heart twist in my chest.

"You're beautiful and I love you." he whispered, making my lips part lightly.

I couldn't move, I was paralyzed, but I forced myself to keep my eyes open when his lips brushed on my jaw and down my neck. They traveled to my breasts and when I felt his warm tongue on one of them, I whimpered, my body jerking very slightly at the feeling.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, that I had never been in love with anyone else and that I never would, but the words got stuck in my throat. His mouth moved to my other nipple and I tried to push away all the questions running in my mind without much success. What did he think? Was he disappointed? Was he still lusting me? Loving me?" Or did he just feel bad for me?

His hand reached for my stomach only a few seconds before his lips and he finally looked up at me, shaking his head from left to right and pressing his fingers gently on my skin.

"Don't do that." he asked in a breath.

It took me a few seconds but I finally exhaled and relaxed my body. His lips curled in a small but find smile and he mouthed a 'thank you', making me swallow hard. I didn't know if he realized the strength it took me and what it implied for me exactly, but he seemed to be grateful and that was enough for now.

Very slowly and softly, he pressed his lips on every inch of my skin as my heart seemed to flutter. I felt dizzy suddenly by the way he showed me love but I still couldn't move. I just focused on his mouth brushing everywhere it could and leaving a burning sensation on my skin. Nothing had ever felt like that before.

His hands glided on my thighs until my knees and he spread them slowly. His lips stopped on my lower stomach and the sight of him between my legs was incredible and way more exciting than anything I had imagined before.

"Is this okay?"

I stared at him a few seconds that seemed to last an hour and he waited, his eyes never leaving mine. I licked my bottom lip but nodded slowly but he kept looking at me as he brought his lips down. I held my breath when his lips left a kiss on my slit and I gripped the sheets with one of my hands.

I was completely naked, the curtains were open and I was with Niall. It was everything I had wished for yet it was also my biggest fear. I tried not to think about it when his fingers ran between my legs and his tongue pressed on my clit, making my body jerk again. It slid down and entered me and my eyes fluttered close as I restrained a curse word from escaping my lips.

"Oh my god." I breathed out, forcing myself to open my eyes if only to look at my boyfriend and burn the image of him eating me out on my retina forever.

His tongue and lips worked between my legs, making them twitch as I got closer and closer to an orgasm but it's only when he started sucking on my clit that my back arched and my eyes finally shut tight.

"F-" I stopped myself and started shaking but he held me down on the mattress with one of his arms as an orgasm crossed my whole body.

I couldn't stop squirming as the intense feeling invaded me from head to toes and it's only when it was gone that I whimpered, feeling both embarrassed and happy at the same time. I felt him crawl up my body and when I finally opened my eyes, he was hovering over me, holding himself with his elbows and smiling down fondly at me.

I felt my heart melt at the way he was looking at me and I smiled back, feeling my heartbeats accelerate. Out of fear, and out of love. I just didn't expect his next words but it brought me near tears.

"I didn't think it was possible, but I love you even more."

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

[carpenoctemarts]

Witchy wanderer altar (Step by step) #CreativeUpcycling

Yeah that’s for the little pagan sparkle of soul within you <3

I’ve filmed (uploading rightnow) a complete tour of my handmade from Z. Wanderer Altar. Meanwhile i do adapt this step by step which i initially shared with a forum, and i thought it could very well please a larger group because of the upcycling notion.

This complete tour (yes even inside the drawers, you kids ! ) consists in sharing what i did, how i did, for what need, so that if you’re a creative soul too, with a connexion to nature and/or the universe, or “putHereYourOwnBelief” guys, embark the journey of creative upcycling ! Anyways, you can adapt to your path, tools, ressources, and taste, i’m just here to resend sparkles of inspiration & hope for the best :D

So i called it an “altar” but let me clarify why. I’m not a religious person at all, really, i’m definitelly into quantum physics and experiments or theories when i wonder about something, and the universe sends me (litterally) weird experiences opening even mooooore arborescent questions haha ! Do you know that feeling ? like “ Yeah, funny joke, well played Universe... well played ! “

So my perception is really a big equation of connected dots, made out of experiences, brillant ppl’s very “truth” sounding theories (follow your guts, it’s your path), about so many various subjects. I was born with too many questions and that so F. Frustrating feeling to have lost a tremendous knowledge that couldn’t retrieve in a whole life. so i constantly watch docs, read, take notes, connect the dots. #Truthseekingbookworm...

So as i say, i don’t properly need some god/goddesses/deities/archetypes/spirits/anthropomorphisations of actually vibes, frequencies that i can rely on, connect to, at any time, from within me. I created statues i Think it’s both for aesthetism and i’m very attached to the celtic culture, i spent parts of my life as a kid in french britany among the standing stones and feel rooted there for ever. Among natural reasons i feel drawn to : I actually live in a city built on an ancient Meldes tribe site the romanised gauls named “thorianicus”, it’s close to paris by a river that was worshiped by gauls (french celts) and re-named in latin by the romans “dea matrona” meaning “mother goddess”. Modern french name became “La Marne” sadly we lost the real name. But a part of her is probably inspiring me for the nayade hidden in the tree branches ;)

This small universe in a nutshell box came out to be actually my everyday, but on the go #TheEndIsNear ... temple ? tabernacle. I Bet that if i die it will become one, and that shit will be haunted XD

I’ve always spoken “to the universe” since i was a kid, from anywhere, from inside, bc. it is inside of each of us. So basically, no need to have that box but now i feel attached to it ! It's not perfect but made out of scraps so i absolutely wouldn't change for a readymade fancy stuff, i put all my soul into that like any artistic work. So i share too, may some elements inspire you too !

Yes it took me a while but totally worth it. Thanks to:  

1.what I had around. Matters may inspire you a lot. when i see scraps i see a potential, try to search around with that perspective.

2. What Carlos’s shoes polish box inspired me, in this video from Olivia’s channel @thewitchofwonderlust ---> https://youtu.be/E_y6SERJQSs )

3. What you wonderers & wanderers altars inspired to me+ maybe whatever creative guide i channeled, who knows ? :p

4. my own needs, like basic essential oils to cure basic “bobology”, my little tresaures like family link and talismans, crystals, tarots, pendulum, a space for cleaning salt box, cauldron to burn things, herbs, resines... make my own inks for drawings, a space to stock symbols of elements like water and earth, to keep me connected, rooted the old way. + some hooks for samples of herbs so i can let them dry while on a trip ... well you’ll have to adapt yours depending on your needs ! :)

well for my experience, it gave this (not that heavy) cabinet and I absolutely adore it.

5. "Chance"....or, is it ?

Il n'y a pas de hasard, Balthazar !

Its dimensions : while open each box is 30 cm high x 10.5 deep x 19 cm large. Closed it's a 30 x 21 x 20 box.

(video link will be edited here, come back later folks, follow the trail !)

Here I gathered a few pics that I took during the process, for those temeraire people who feel they can take the same path 😅 And welcome to my Atelier!

Basic stuff i used for the basic boxes assemblage (like reused fruit boxes + a rough wood jewellery box fitting in the big boxes -> i reused the metal parts onto the big box, the mirror as a shelf and cases as a crystals drawer. the top part became the front board of two small cardboard drawers inside, you'll see later)

Measures -> cutting a spare thin (and light) wood board to fit around the fruit cagettes

Gluegun is my bestie ! Reinforcing the hinges with a fabric strong ribbon, filling all the holes with glue like a gross job really, but it will be strong :

Sanding angles to have a smoother aspect on the shelves

Being careful to remove some sticking out traps :s

putting nails to reinforce the outer structure + sanding all edges :

Before painting it in a very dark "ardoise" grey, only one layer so it looks odd&old. I may sand it a while in the end to make it look older, i'll see. I don't want it too steampunk. Maybe just a little authentic shabby boho type o'shit. I kind of oscilate btw my gypsy and my goth generation side XD  Goth saves the Cube ! *bats dramatically flying all over*

(i changed the locker since)

You saw that type of rough nails ? i like it.

here i added (left side) 2 dollar store cardboard boxes that fited nicely including the size of the thin layer in btw, to guide the 2 drawers (lucky me) but use whatever you have and adapt, it's the key. If you don't find anything, build it (see my all wooden box on the right) just gluegun and scraps, sanded the excedent and it fits fine.

detail of the in btwn scraps of wood to guide the drawers, gluegun job :

Here i used wood scrap + glued upcycled leather with rivet buttons (old jacket sewed borders and rivets + table”cloth” made of transparent vynile) to close the papers/carnet pocket but keep a possiibility to stuck a visualisation card of mine to help meditation focus possibly. Wood scraps are here to create a depht to the pocket, up and down the square :

Meanwhile, sculpting/modeling my treetrones/shelves/deco/pagan wibbly wobbly

Meanwhile, also doing a cauldron out of remaining clay, (recycling a metalic succulent pot by the way) including binded protective and empowering runes blablahblah

Then i added a typical Horned or green god/cernnunos/male solar yang god principle loved inside the feminine tree & a Triple feminine lunar yin archetype within the male tree

Acrylic painting, dry paint, no water (clay will absorb it). Used an army green and black as an underlayer, then i added old gold touches as a patine and contrasted theblack areas and that's it.

Added a led copper garland to bring the light anywhere with the box and i’m done :)

Here we are, hope you guys liked the tour :)

My next adventure will probably be an apothecary cabinet since i need a space for my essential oils and wax and herbs ...

[houseki-no-suffering]

First of all,,,,how dare you hurt the children *whispers* but tell me your headcanons p w e a s e

adgfh thanks for the interest nonnie. The post i made was about some Antarc hcs from the fic i’m writing so here it is i guess, my 

HnK 1960s AU:

(more under the cut cause it gets super long)

- the fic is an historical AU set in the 1960s and 70s in italy, but since most characters are older than that many HCs date back to the 40s and wwii as well

- (most of) the gems live in an Institute that Sensei founded during the last years of the war by using a big building that was built during Fascism and then abandoned/destroyed by the war. Think of the gems as orphans/ppl who found themselves alone after the war or something  

- the institute started off as a small thing but then more and more gems came around and it got its own elementary school and even middle school (thanks to Alex), there are dorms, a gym, a big canteen etc. 

- the city is super small, it doesn’t even have a train station so the school was a huge help especially cause the place was heavily bombarded cause it’s close to a larger city

- most of the gems that died before the beginning of the series died because of wwii (like Chrysoberyl, Morga and Goshe). Yellow lost most of their friends and Papda got badly injured 

- the school is more or less ran by Alex at this point cause Sensei is old and Alex and Chryso moved to this city after the war broke out, cause that’s the city Chryso where was born (and that’s why they knew sensei), also they thought the place would be safer but they were very wrong

- Alex is in their mid forties, around the same age as Padpa, a tiny, bitter academician who had once been famous for their work and that traveled around Europe with Chryso to attend conferences and stuff, and then the war happened and Chryso was snatched away from them in a very tragic way

- after Chryso died, Alex stopped caring about their career and basically resigned. They buried themselves in personal work as a big middle finger to the system and to distract themselves,they fell into severe depression and became completely disillusioned with life, they still have self-destroying outbursts from time to time, Red Beryl usually helps them but if those happen when Alex’s with Yellow then things kind of go for a tangent

- when Alex abandoned academia altogether they became somewhat of an anarchist, they don’t believe in the system anymoreand after battling to get an official high-school for the city and failing, they started teaching evening courses, which are kind of clandestine and very much unrecognized by the state, but fuck the state, let’s teach ppl how to think for themselves and let’s teach people just how much the state sucks

- also they *loved* to hear about 1968 and the cultural revolution and it will be very awkward when they find out Phos was basically in the midst of the storm

- Alex is basically the pillar upon which the whole institute is founded but they are not the headmaster, that role is Euclase’s who is also the treasurer, because Alex can’t deal with bureaucratic stuff for the life of them: they’d bankrupt the school in a fortnight

- Euclase is the second oldest after Yellow, they own the only car of the group and they let everyone borrow it. They walk around with a shawl over their head (because reasons) and a huge bunch of keys: they open and close all of the doors in the institute and when the younger gems are too loud and/or it’s too late in the night they tell them to go to sleep. They always check on everyone, included the gems who no longer sleep in the dorms (like Antarc, Phos, Bort and Cinnabar)

- along with Alex, they are the only other ‘old’ gem who went to uni and they graduated in Statistics or Economics (still haven’t decided), their official job is being a shopkeeper though, they own a small grocery shop near the institute 

- Euclase also owns a small radio, the only radio of the group. The first tv arrives when Cinnabar is like 15 and Phos’ 12 and everyone is super excited about it, they place it in the common living room, in the dorms  

- speaking of media, Jade runs a newspaper. They are not a journalist, nothing’s really official, but no one cares and they have an excuse to go about town and speak with people. They love the general aesthetic and the smell of ink too but they always wear dark pants to hide the stains. 

- Jade is a ‘rolled up sleeves and very long hair in a bun or ponytail’ kind of person. They’re 5-7 years Euclase’s junior and genuinely like Euclase, they spend a lot of time with them. They probably had a crush on them at some point but got over it. Euc is also their main source of information, along with Dia 

About the age thing: 

- Yellow, Padpa, Euc and Alex (and Chryso) are the oldies, in their mid-forties to early fifties when the story starts and mid-thirties in the flashbacks. 

- Jade, Red Beryl, Antarc, Peri and Sphene and Melon are the ‘middle generation,’ they’re up to 10 years younger than the old ppl

- Shinsha, Dia, Nepchi, Benito, the Amethysts, Lapis, Cairn and Ghost are the young ppl, 20 years or so younger than the old ppl 

- Phos, Bort, Zircon, new Goshe and new Morga are the actual bbys cause they’re even younger than that. Please handle with care

I DIDNT EVEN START TO SPEAK ABOUT THE MAIN CHARACTERS OR THE ANGST BUT THIS IS ALREADY SUPER LONG SO HERE’S SOME RANDOM STUFF INSTEAD

- Shinsha and Diamond share a birthday, that’s one of the reasons why Shinsha doesn’t celebrate their own bday cause they didnt wanna steal Dia’s spotlight but then they became kind of bitter/passive-aggressive about it

- Zircon is just 6 months Phos’ senior but since Phos is an actual dumbass they are actually 100 years more mature than them

- Dia works at a flower shop, they still live in the dorms tho and so do most of the gems

- except for Bort, who settled in a place of their own and then left to study in a marine military academy cause they are a battle maniac, they left the place to Cinnabar

- Cinnabar has a weird history with school and education but at 19 they decided they actually wanted a diploma and they wanted to get their life together and now they’re in uni and they teach at the institute to earn some money, they’re 26 at the beginning of the story

- Phos went away as well, they tagged along Antarc one time that Antarc came to town cause Phos was quite literally struck by them and would not let them go without them. They were just 16 and a big idiot

- Antarc was Chrysoberyl’s cousin, that’s how they know sensei

- they always dressed in suits and light colors, also they had a thing for keeping their place clean which they passed onto Phos

- Padpa used to be the cool uncle that every kid loved before they could no longer leave the bed, now they’re more or less in a coma and only wake up sporadically

- Yellow and Padpa used to be a couple before Rutile came around, then it became a weird triangle, then a messy polygon, then a very, very weird obsession that eventually led to Rutile studying medicine just so they could obsess over Padpa more

- Yellow decided they were fed up with the world at that point, so they opened a kennel and more or less started spending their days with more puppies and less people or dying lovers

- Bort does help at the kennel whenever they can, yes, Zircon loves to tag along too, they’re good friends

- Dia stopped going with them cause they have a very bad middle-child case

- Zircon can bake

- Cinnabar is studying mathematics 

- Phos is 23 when the fic starts and they don’t even have a diploma yet

- oh the town is by the sea and there’s an abandoned lighthouse too because that’s cool

- there is literally 100000 more things i wanna say about Antarc and Phos and Shinsha and all those characters I havent named yet but this is indeed super long and I’m afraid i must end it here for now, maybe I should make a new post for each character

thank you again if you had the patience to go through all of this! 

[citycrowned]

NAME: my preferred name is aster but i also get called jordan, enn and reilly! 

STAR SIGN: aries, which i feel doesnt fit me??? lol oh well

HEIGHT: 5′6 / 1.6m 

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?: i really want to get it changed because it reminds me of my dead first name ( it’s the same word but my OG name was in another language ) so im not gonna share it. im gonna sound like a Massive Weeb but i wish it was joshua or link bc those are the 2 characters that have had the most impact on me over the course of my life :’)

PUT YOUR SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP? oh boy get ready for the most unrelated music genres in history stickybug - deco*27 are we ready? ( wreck ) - two door cinema club lighthouse - axel flovent loveless - hitorie walking in the rain to a cafe to write down private thoughts in public - city girl swim - alec benamin

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? no i would literally die of embarrassment lol. ive thought abt writing a song for someone else tho <3 

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? twenty minutes ago when i was cleaning the kitchen while listening to last surprise from p5

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? whats a celebrity. tom holland i guess if i had to pick one. hes cool and also spiderman which is cool too.

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE? ppl making weird gross mouth sounds and also clicking that i can’t identify the source of. i like the sound of fingers tapping on most surfaces, and also fire crackly noises.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? yes but only vaguely

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? yes yes yes yes ye

DO YOU DRIVE? i do! i dont enjoy it but ive gotta help chauffer my little siblings places so i kinda have to do it regardless :’)

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? no thank goodness

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? that wasn’t a fanfiction? statistically it was probably peter and the starcatchers / p&t secret of rundoon. those r my two favorite books 

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? not when its overpowering but in small bits yes

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? the great gatsby @ school. before that, peter pan ( 2003 )

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? it’s a tie between the time i cut my thumb nail off with an apple peeler and the time my sister stabbed my with a pencil and got the whole tip stuck in my arm. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? it is always Loving Joshua Hours. im also currently obsessed w kid icarus and Several Niche Crossovers none of u care about lol

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? depends on what they did and the circumstances behind their actions - in general i am a very petty person tho so generally yes

IN A RELATIONSHIP? yes and i looooooove hiiiiiiim :0

Tagged by: snatched it from @inkparagon Tagging: its like 9 pm on a munday wait til next week guys

[bubblebaath]

a few ppl wanted a tutorial on how to make these kind of gifs so here u go! it goes thru a few basics of blender so if u already kno that stuff u can just skim most of it djsfhfkjh

warning: very long and probably doesnt make sense in some parts

OK step 1: draw the creature u wanna animate as a doodle:

step 2: lineart all the different parts u wanna use and fill them in solid black. (keep each shape on a separate layer)

step 3: if you wanna use a blinking animation for an eye, draw out a fully coloured one n save it in its own file for later (ill do an AnimAll tutorial for it at some point kjhdkjh) otherwise u can just draw it straight on the head.

step 4: disassemble the puppet so all the parts are spaced apart. u might wanna take a picture of what it looks like assembled in case it gets difficult lining up parts later. save as a transparent png.

step 5: open a new file in blender. press num pad 5 to go into orthographic mode,and then num pad 1 to align your view to the front. if u cant see an extra menu to ur right that has options like background images/motion tracking etc press N.

open the background images tab and add your disassembled puppet as an image.

step 6: set your mesh view to wireframe, and add a plane mesh by pressing shift+A. there should b an operator panel that pops up to ur left with an Align to View option, check this box. (unnecessary note: u can also make a plane without aligning it, go to edit mode, delete the plane, and add in a new plane aligned to ur view so it doesnt mess with its object rotation but it doesnt rlly matter in this context)

step 7: position planes in edit mode over each part. it doesnt have to be super neat, as long as it covers the whole part and accounts for any joints.

 its probably best to b generous with the amount of space you leave around each part, so it doesnt shrink too much when you apply a subdivision surface modifier in the next step. 

step 8: go back to object mode, go to the wrench icon on the tabs to the right, and add a subdivision surface modifier. (apply it to the mesh with the settings as they are already)

step 9: go back into edit mode. to your right, pull up a small window from the corner tab thingy at the bottom, and switch the view for that window to UV/Image Editor.

step 10: select all of your mesh part by pressing A, click on the shading/UVs tab to ur left, and choose Unwrap>Project from View (Bounds)

step 11: press the image tab at the bottom of the UV window, and open your puppet image again. u may notice everything is misaligned bc i dont know a better way to do this kjfdhdkjhlkjdfh

you can realign them by putting your mouse over a part and then pressing L to select it, and G to move it.

extra notes for ppl who havent used blender a lot: pressing X or Y while in move mode will lock it to the X or Y axis. you can do the same when you scale by pressing S instead of G.

step 12: focusing back on the actual mesh in the edit mode window, go to the materials tab at the right and make a new material with the plus button. scroll down until you see a shading tab, and check the shadeless button.

underneath that, check the transparency box and set the alpha bar to 0.

now go to the textures tab add a texture slot with the plus button, and import your puppet picture where the folder icon is.

scroll down to the influence tab and check the alpha option.

13: your mesh should now have the puppet texture on it yaay

in edit mode, move parts into the correct layer order u decided on when making the drawing. (eg, head is at the front, arms are slightly in front of the body etc)

the order doesnt matter too much if the puppet is a solid colour, but it helps when rigging it.

14: assemble the parts so its in the right place like your original picture was, then go back to object mode. add a single bone thru the same way you added a plane.

15: place/extrude (e) bones over the parts/points you want to move/bend. make sure to name them smth Not Ridiculous in the N menu so you can find them easily later.

if you want bones to move with other bones automatically (like arms moving with the body) you can go to this tab, and select a parent bone for it.

16: once u have all the bones u need, go back to object mode. deselect the armature. now, click on the mesh to select it. click the armature second while holding shift to select them both. press control+P and choose the With Empty Groups option.

17: deselect them both and click on your mesh. in edit mode, click on the triangle dot thing tab to see your vertex groups. (this is y you need to name bones)

this part is straightforward. if your mesh part has no joints in it, you can select the part for the vertex group by hovering your cursor over it and pressing L. then click on the correct vertex group name from the list on the right, and press Assign. (if u fuck up you can also use Remove in the same way)

you can assign individual faces by using the face selector thing for meshes w multiple bones.

if you wanna see how it works, select the armature and change the view to pose mode and try moving/rotating a bone. (if u rigged it, it should move)

if you go to pose options, theres a box that says Auto IK. if you check it, you can grab bones like this!

18: to begin keyframing ur animation, you need to press this button at the bottom of the timeline. if you want the animation to loop, you need to copy/paste the starting pose on the first and last frame.

if u wanna make it look creepier, you can select all (or just some) bones , change your view on the window to ur right to Graph editor:

and go to Key>interpolation>pick any (the gif uses bounce)

...aaaaand thats basically it! heres a few extra steps if you wanna render it also:

to render the animation:

go to object mode, add a camera, go to the camera tab to the right and set it to orthographic. you may need to adjust the view thing so your mesh fits on the screen (moving the camera back wont work in ortho)

to stop the texture looking sorta blurry:

go to your texture tab, scroll down to image sampling and turn interpolation off or to Box.

i think i got everything dskjfjdfhj this was written at like 4 in the morning so forgive me for typos

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Luke/Tori for the ship ask please?

thanks for being so patient! i got carried away and then stuck bc i got carried away lol and i’ve also just been busy bc grad school lmao ;_;

here it is finally! under a cut as per my yuzh

who hogs the duvet

luke, bc he’s just a cold human being. lol not like in his heart or soul, but his body runs colder than most, so he’s chilled like all the time

if he’s not acting like an octopus, he’s hogging the duvet. tori doesn’t mind a whole bunch, since she runs warm (thanks apollo), but sometimes, on really cold nights (heating is so expensive and if they can keep it off, they will), it’s v annoying so she’ll forcefully pull the duvet back, which forces luke to turn into an octopus

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

i’d say tori is. she worries a lot abt luke, esp bc he can kinda hole up inside his mind when he’s having a tough time

those little text alert noises and rings are actually quite comforting for luke. he appreciate them a lot, which he’d never say out loud, but he doesn’t need to since they can read each other pretty well

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

you might be surprised, but luke actually is. it comes from his creativity for pranks

who gets up first in the morning

tori does! thanks apollo, but only during the summer lmao

it’s super bad in the summer too, bc the days are longer and it gets light around 4 or 5 in the morning lol

but tori generally gets up with the sun (thanks apollo), so during the winter she gets up later than in the summer and luke is generally up before her

who suggests new things in bed

i mean, honestly both of them do!

tori does more often, but luke will if it’s been a long day, and an even longer night bc either/or both of them can’t sleep bc of nightmares or what have you

wait, i’m just realizing this might be a sexual question??? lmao, i read it like one of those philosophical talks you have with your best friend at sleepovers at 3am (same energy anyway)

well, if it is a sexual question (i’m honestly not sure, my ace brain is seriously just That ace), i would say neither of them, honestly

like they’ve been through so much in their lives. role-play doesn’t do it for them. tori hates being held down/restrained, and they’ve both incurred enough injuries from monsters for a lifetime so bdsm is also out

they’re also both tops, so that complicates things sometimes, but “““““vanilla””””” sex is fine for them

who cries at movies

lol tori does. no question.

who gives unprompted massages

luke, for sure. and tori loves it

but tori will sometimes do so if she sees luke’s stressed and tense

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

totes luke, he turns in to like a mother hen (but don’t tell him i told you that) and worries over tori whenever she gets sick

obvi tori takes care of luke when he’s sick, but luke’s the one to really go those extra 500 miles

who gets jealous easiest

lmao, can’t choose on that one bc both of them get supremely jealous

it doesn’t help that luke is bi and tori is biromantic, so anyone is technically fair game and they’re both very good-looking ppl

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

tori! she’s a hopeless romantic, and so like all those cheesy, gooey love songs and will listen to them all day every day

and i mean i wouldn’t strictly classify that as “embarrassing” per se, but that’s the best answer i have for ya

who collects something unusual

hmmm, luke.

you could argue most things are “unusual” to collect, but luke collects journals filled with entries. like he fell out of it after thalia, and then that whole thing happened with kronos lol, but after that (this is the everybody lives!au if you couldn’t tell) he picks it back up again

so he just has stacks of journals, all filled, many from tori–its therapeutic and he finds it’s something he actually quite enjoys. in the quiet of his shared bedroom with tori, of course

who takes the longest to get ready

not really either of them. i mean, i guess tori just bc if she wants to do something with her hair, it takes longer

but tori doesn’t wear a lot of makeup to begin with, and just as well she doesn’t have to try That hard to look nice (thanks apollo)

luke is already good-looking, and even tho he doesn’t have any divine blessing, he doesn’t have to do a lot to look good either

who is the most tidy and organised

luke, he hates clutter

he can’t think, and it only reminds him of the crowded hermes cabin

who gets most excited about the holidays

tori, bc she’s making up for all she missed out in childhood

luke indulges her bc he’s secretly making up for all he missed out in childhood, but he often doesn’t like expressing he’s excited for the holidays, except for quietly when he’s in the privacy of his and tori’s apt. he doesn’t mind showing tori how much he’s enjoying himself

who is the big spoon/little spoon

they switch constantly

tori loves being the little spoon, but so does luke. even if tori is kinda tiny lol

when it’s cold at night and luke is hogging the blankets but tori is still warm enough, but her nose gets cold, she’ll roll over and press her nose into luke’s back to share what little warmth he can give her. he’ll often reach back for her arm and she’ll put it around him, lacing her fingers with his, letting her hand rest against his chest, where his heart is

more often then not tho, tori is the little spoon bc luke has turned into an octopus seeking warmth at night

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

like the jealousy thing, they both do

you don’t want them on opposite sides

likewise, you don’t want them together, bc they’ll pulverize you

so it’s really lose-lose either way

who starts the most arguments

oh man, i mean i guess both of them

they’re both worried abt each other’s safety, so that’s mostly what they argue abt

tori probably starts them a little more often, if only bc luke often jumps in front of her when they’re in danger just out instinct and before tori can jump in front of him, which annoys her

not just bc she can take care of herself, but also bc luke does so with reckless abandon and she doesn’t like that he could potentially be wounded/hurt/killed bc he was protecting her

who suggests that they buy a pet

tori, but only bc they were passing a pet shop one day and she noticed luke’s eyes lingering on one of the kittens inside that had taken a liking to luke

it was december, so v cold. and they were on their way back to their apt when they passed a pet shop

and as they’re passing, one of the kittens leaps up and paws at the window, following the couple as they continue pass

this catches luke’s attention, and he finds the little kitten’s persistence endearing as they walk past

the kitten’s also meowing, but obvi they can’t hear it. luke can see it tho bc its little mouth keeps moving

even tho luke insists it’s okay if they don’t get the kitten, tori drags him inside anyway and they go to the pen, and the little kitten is waiting for them on the other side

it’s a calico and it’s not until they’re inside that they notice this little kitten’s eye is injured on its right side (bc of glare from the window outside)

luke is only able to stare, too in shock to really move or think, but tori picks up the mewling ball of fluff and coos at it. then she holds it out for luke to take. and he’s hesitant at first, bc its so small and fragile, but tori gently coaxes it into his arms. and he rests it on his shoulder and it falls asleep, the precious bby

luke panics at that, though, bc he doesn’t know what to do lol. tori is not help, she just laughs and smiles at him

one of the workers goes over to them then and says that injured animals are always tough to sell, so tori, of course, immediately says they’ll buy this kitten

anyway, her official name is jiji, but her nickname is kitty bc that’s what luke referred to her as when they first brought her home and it kinda stuck.

what couple traditions they have

idk if this qualifies as a “tradition” per se, but, since we’re in the everyone lives!au, this is also the au where luke surprises tori with a song for her b-day one yr

and so after that their “i love you” turns into, “did i mention?”

after long days/after a monster attack while they’re out trying to be normal, and after they’ve cleaned up and are relaxing in bed, they’ll softly sing duets together (since luke can sing now lol; also from linked post). but tori’s still trying to get luke to sing a duet with her in public, to no avail so far

i’ve mentioned before that they like to shower together (again it’s not ever sexual), it’s more meditative and still v much intimate

again, not exactly a tradition, but sometimes if tori’s having trouble sleeping/it’s a particularly bad night regarding nightmares, luke will softly sing to her (most of the time, “did i mention” bc he knows how happy it makes her)

valentines day is a BIG thing. and it feels so cliche for me to say, but tori LOVES that holiday and luke would do anything for that woman. so he’ll do as much cheesy, romantic stuff as he can and that he’s gleaned from movies (and like actually romantic stuff, not the White™ version of romance where the man stalks/forces the woman’s hand)

i mean most of the big holidays–valentines, halloween, christmas and new yrs are p big things in the williams-castellan household

most of the time, they spend it alone together (lol if that makes sense) like the week or day before, they’ll go out with friends and what family they have left lmao i made myself sad ;_; but on the day of, they’ll spend it together in the comfort of their apt bc going out is too overwhelming for both of them

every sunday, they’ll bake together and every monday, they’ll make a meal together. it helps them enjoy the end of their weekend and the beginning of a new work-week more, being able to spend that time together and looking forward to it at the end of those dreaded mondays

what tv shows they watch together

adult cartoons like bob’s burgers, rick & morty, and futurama

episodic comedies like parks & rec, the office, b99, and scrubs

they’ll sometimes chance it with crime procedurals and the like, but if the show gets too heavy, they’ll stop and not really go back bc they’ve dealt with enough

same goes for sci-fi/fantasy shows (tho they chance these even less bc they deal with enough mythology shit just being demigods)

what other couple they hang out with

they’ll sometimes hang out with like percy and annabeth (and maybe the other couples from the seven JASON IS STILL ALIVE I SAID EVERYONE LIVES!AU + nico and will, etc.), but it’s more in a mentor kind of way, since luke and tori are so much older than all of them. they’re good to go to for advice abt relationships, and also life in general

i like to think they are able to make friends with couples their age through places like the waystation that are hidden throughout the mortal world, but they’re wary abt new ppl bc they’ve had so many bad experiences, just in general (not necessarily with ppl)

so if you do manage to become a friend and they ask you to go on a double date with them with your partner, it’s ride or die for them (and it better be mutual)

how they spend time together as a couple

quiet nights in, mundane date nights out–anything a normal couple would do bc they’ve been through enough already, they don’t need more excitement/trauma

that, of course, doesn’t stop monsters from attacking them when they go out. but after a battle, they’ll go home, clean up, and cuddle on the bed with lofi music playing in the background and scented candles lit around the room

who made the first move

tori did regarding their private confirmation of being in a relationship since she’s demi, and she’d told luke so. he didn’t want to push her into anything she was uncomfortable with, esp if her feelings stayed platonic/friendly, so he let her take the reins

luke did regarding their public confirmation of being in a relationship when he asked her to the fireworks show

who brings flowers home

luke does bc he knows tori likes it when he does romantic things she’s seen in movies

who is the best cook

neither really, since they didn’t exactly grow up in traditional homes

but a few years after the war and of living together, tori decides to take classes on mexican cuisine to reconnect a little more with her roots and her mom. luke joins her, obvi, bc he cares and love her duh

tori’s the better cook tho; luke likes to bake

thanks again for being patient! as it always is, i enjoyed writing abt my loves

FEED ME SEYMOUR

[karamatsu]

got any choukei headcanons for us karamatsu?

HEH! KARAMATSU PRESENTS CHOUKEI HEADCANONS!?!? Sorta???? I’m not good when it comes to headcanons dgdhdjdj but this is some stuff i like/i think they do based on some of their skits and interactions

These aint inc*st btw so dont tag as bl///mtsu!!

Also these got rlly long??? Sorry lmao

1. Oso and kara could be watching a movie and point at the ugly characters like “haha thats you!” and then get kicked out of the movies bc they dont shut up they just “NO thats YOU!” All the way through. The others try to pretend not to know them but unfortunately they all have the same face so they gone too.

2. A lot of ppl say that kara doesnt call oso “nii san” bc he lacks respect for him but tbh i just think he doesnt think its “cool” to call him “nii san” (he does calls him aniki at times) or maybe he’s p comfortable w oso so he doesnt rlly find a need to use honorifics for him. Probably also knows oso likes being called nii san and just does it out of spite dggdgdhd

3. Karamatsu introduces himself as the oldest one when oso’s not around. Oso comes in like “i am the oldest?? Born by 2 minutes 45 seconds and 87 milliseconds? before u?? Fake binch?” Oso probably doesnt keep track of like how long the other bros took to be born but has to always remember kara’s to rub it on his face. Kara is probably the whole “uh we’re sextuplets does it matter?” Only when it comes to osomatsu bc he likes still being older than the other ones. Fake ass ho

4. I feel when kara dragged oso out in ep 24 there wasn’t much of a fight. Just karamatsu holding him down telling him he was acting like an idiot and he should apologize. Like just yelling at him. Osomatsu probably doesnt say much, gets out of kara’s grip, gives him an angry look and walks in but just goes to their room instead and kara walks in like 🤷🏻‍♂️ and goes to check on jyushi. a lot of ppl like to speculate theres always like a huge fist fight or a bunch of yelling or oso crying onto kara abt choro leaving. But this is the way i’ve always seen it lol

5. Oso loves to pick on his little bros, kara isnt left out of this and kara absolutely hates it sgdhdhd like sure he’s getting attention but he shouldve been the oldest!!! Why is the oldest such a shit!!! Oso probably loves picking on kara the most bc hes all big talk but hes still his baby bro and he must be reminded

6. I love the bit in episode 10. The one where kara brings up his insecurities to oso and oso gives him some kind of advice. I feel like even though kara knows oso can be a shit boi he’s still his older brother and can confide on him the most/lean on him when he absolutely desperately needs advice. Kara probably doesnt want to bug his baby brothers, he probably sees himself as someone who should be there for them rather than the other way around so oso is all he’s got unfortunately agsgdgdh

7. I wanted to add that kara has no patience for oso and will call him out on his shit/hit him if necessary but this is already canon dgdhdb

8. I like the hc that they both sleep next to totty bc they want to protect baby bro. Theyre both incredibly over protective of jyushi and totty because theyre the babies of the 6 of them. A lot of ppl like to hc that totty set it up that way but like i wanna say both oso and kara wanted totty to sleep next to them to watch him and were arguing over it and in the end totty was like “JEEZ FINE OK I’LL SLEEP BETWEEN YOU BOTH SO YOU BOTH CAN WATCH OVER ME CAN WE GO TO SLEEP ALREADY?”

9. Granted when they meet atsushi when tottys dating him, all the bros are probably like 👀 but probably oso and kara are like his top 2 bodyguards. Up until sushi mentions his income and oso’s like “TOTTY U GOTTA MARRY HIM” while kara’s like “U CANT GIVE IN THAT EASILY OSOMATSU!!” Eventually they come to see atsushis a nice dude and like. Totty already always knows when they’re spying on them so they just let them be lmao

10. When it comes to karamatsu starting to date chibita, osomatsu is always teasing him. In kun, oso accidentally kissed chibita so i feel like osomatsu brings that up a lot sggshd. Chibita will gladly help karamatsu get oso to shut up dgshsh.

11. This doesnt have to do w anything but i just hc that theyre the most competitive when they’re against each other.

12. Also that they’re probably the best dancers out of the six (not saying that theyre good dancers just happen to dance better than the younger bros lol)

13. Also just. Every single one of their interactions are just roasting each other. But if oso knows his little bro is in a bad mood he will be there for him. He wont push him to talk bc he knows how karamatsu is but he assures him if he needs anything he knows where to find him all at the small price of a beer and oden at chibita’s. (Its a joke but he still wants him to know he’s there for him lol)

[dyk3nukem]

all the vday asks

i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

i think so. 

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?

2 years and counting!

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

I’m trying to unlearn some bad behavior, but that’s all!

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

w my first one: i hate him and he hates me but we’re civilw my second one: lmao we have each other blocked on instagram and she tried to send at least two diff people to guilttrip me about breaking up w her

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

i sure hope not!

7: Have you ever cheated?

nope!

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?

i’d want to be just friends with them for a while first, so we could establish some healthy communication and security in the relationship, and then i’d see what i’d feel comfy with .

9: What's the most important part of a relationship?

communication!!! a relationship is nothing if you guys don’t talk to each other about your wants and needs!

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

serious relationships! one time i tried to have a fling but when i was about 2 do the succ he suggested we watch sword art online and i sent him home

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

i think it can be a rly healthy thing for ppl to take a small break from being in a relationship! we all have our own burdens and issues, and sometimes we need to deal with those by ourselves, and that’s okay! 

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

lmao no

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

i regret the entirety of both my relationships previous to this one tbh? my first bf i only went out with bc we were best friends and i didn’t want to lose him, but i was not at all ready to have a boyfriend. w my girlfriend, i just...yikes lol that was a bad time

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

like 15 or 16 i guess? 

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?

i’ve only heard ppl say that when they’re being p*dophiles so like... no

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?

not rly tbh

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?

not personally, but if other ppl can, thats rly cute and i support them!

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

cheating, not respecting physical/emotional boundaries, murder probably

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

i ended my last one bc she crossed physical boundaries so like? other than that idk

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

i think so! 

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

yeah!! all of my partners have been friends! its a solid foundation for a relationship

23: How many relationships have you had?

3

24: Do you think love can last forever?

i think love starts as a feeling and stays as a choice. it doesnt always feel the same, but it grows with you, so it changes as you (and your partner/s) change!

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

its a pretty thought!

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?

LMAO no way!! my mom hates my partner but i hate my mom so she can suck it

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

Don’t date someone just because you’re expected to! Wait until you’re ready!

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

of course! they’re hard as fuck, but it can work!

29: What do you notice first about another person?

their walk, how they stand, speech patterns

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

We Just Dont Know!

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

of course not! i’d be highkey hypocritical

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

yup! it sucked hella!

33: Do you want to get married one day?

i think it sounds lovely! it’s gonna take me a few years to get fully comfortable with the idea (my parents r divorced, i’ve been engaged, so it’s made me a little skittish) but i think eventually, being married would be sublime

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?

i personally wouldn’t do it, but if other ppl want to i think its rly cute

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

totes!

36: Are you still a virgin?

We Just Dont Know!

37: What's more important: Looks or personality?

Personality!

38: Do you enjoy love films?

tbh they only serve to make my heart ache

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! my partner has rose bushes all over their house and in the summer they give me roses and it’s the sweetest thing and i’ve saved all but one of them

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

my partner’s cat!

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?

they take me to an art museum, we hold hands and whisper jokes to each other. they take pictures of me while i’m not looking; i return the favor. we kiss on the bus ride home and we’re in love.

42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?

yREAHBOY HOWDY HAVE I 

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?

i consider my partner a friend, so, both!

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?

if u do an xray, u find me 2 be filled with pablo neruda sonnets

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?

nah thats a stupid concept

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?

that super gay king and his boyfriend what were their names?

48: What's your favorite love song?

oh i love so many,, The Way I Am by ingrid michaelson?

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?

yeah probs

50: If you're single, why do you think you are?

i’m not :D 

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?

depends on how horny i am (nice guy)

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

a little bit, ya! i think

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?

nah

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?

For me, its like? 6/10? 

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?

yeah i’m trying to work on it but im,,,, really fucking clingy

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?

i dont think so

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

No reason to consider suicide is a silly reason! Emotions are hella fucking hard to handle, and it doesn’t help when you  invalidate the people experiencing them.

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?

okay everyone fucking thinks my boyfriend tops but I’M THE TOP YOU GUYS

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?

nope!

60: What's your opinion on open relationships?

I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable in one, but I think they’re a healthy way to experience love!

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?

Depends on the issue I guess? 

62: How do you define "cheating"?

If they do anything w/ romantic/sexual intent without clearing it w me first

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

Nope! Jerkin it is fun

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?

It’s capitalism but also i love roses

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?

yEAH holy shit yall i used to be so fuckin touch repulsed but now i die every time i’m not being held

#bunny mumbles

[chubbysewcialist]

Pattern-making Plans - 2018 Update

Made my first attempt at a pattern block last weekend, definitely needs some tweaking but wasn’t as far off as I expected. Although double checking the internet for reviews/hacks of Armstrong’s pattern-making book (and it’s typos) makes me want to redo my measurements and start over. Which compared to past projects really isn’t that big of a deal, lol. But doing something is never the same as reading about it, and even then just reading through all of the different pattern blocks and alterations I’ve amended my priorities a bit for next year. And by that I mean I’m aiming to have these covered by the *end* of next year, so hopefully I’m not overloading myself. I also need to pick up some proper pattern-drafting tools. I’m not sure where or why I got my current set of curves but they’re just not big enough for patterns my size, and I don’t have a hip-curve. Trying to use my metal ruler as a bendy-curve resulted in me needing a lot of bandaids. Will also need a new roll of brown packing paper, which is what I used to use to draft circle skirts and I’m almost out. I’m just not sure I need 150 feet of it off Amazon Prime, tho that would mean I don’t have to lug it through the snow... So, newly re-prioritized plans: 1) Try out the ‘basic block’ dress. Still looks boring and unflattering, but now I think if I slide it over my dressmaker form and try padding it out that might help me out with future projects. Curious notion, no idea if it will actually work out. 2) Skirts! I’ve drafted circle skirts without a pattern for costumes and underskirts (for costumes) and that wasn’t tricky at all. And if Santa brings me fabric gift certificates, I’d like to make a couple of winter skirts. Much as I've enjoyed   V8749 I’d really like something that flares a bit less. It’s effectively a 3/4 circle skirt and a lot of other ppl end up sitting on it when I’m on the subway, whups. I’m going to try to draft a half-circle, and a slash-and-spread style flared or a-line skirt. The chapter on bias cutting also perked up my interest in making a tea-length (or longer) bias cut skirt. 3) Knits block!  This chapter is a bit confusing in how its worded, but I think what they’re getting at is a knit version of a pattern needs to be either bigger or smaller than a woven pattern depending on how stretchy the knit is.  It’s based on a unified dart-less body block which can then be made into a shirt, or lengthened for a skirt, widened for a cardigan, etc. I mean, that’s how pattern blocks work overall, but without the darts to worry about this one might be simpler to play with.  (And while I don’t usually follow trends, all of the stretch velvet I’m seeing in stores online reeeeeally make me want more velvet dresses and tunics. I might be able to resist, but if it motivates me to crank out more patterns then yay? #gothproblems ) 4) Draft wide leg trousers that don’t require a zillion darts. I still need new/better trousers (wow linen wears out fast), but getting a sense of how measurements vs darts work by drafting skirts might cause less stress in the long run. New winter trousers would be nice, but might have to wait until next year. 5) Crossover bodice top. I really like wearing these kinds of tops, but have always had trouble fitting them properly. And then I learned at DCon that all commercial patterns are based on a B-cup, and suddenly it all made sense. I could alter my old patterns with a "Full Bust Adjustment”, but I think I’d rather just start from scratch given how much I like creases and folds in these bodice patterns. Might be easier to block a FBA and then slash in the foldy bits in afterward than doing it the other way around?  And then I can add a small ‘skirt’ for a nice top, or a much longer one for a nice empire waist dress.

6) Button-up Shirt. Getting into the more complicated category, I’ve rarely to never liked wearing these, but a friend of mine with similar feelings had one custom made for her measurements and loved it. So I’m curious to try this, although I’d probably still wear them like cardigans. I moreso want to turn one into a shirt-dress for the summer, which does not seem that much more complicated once I’ve got a shirt-block. 5) Blazerquest. Seems a bit more complicated than I first realized. Still want to do it, but want to try easier stuff first to get used to equipment, formulas, etc. Not to mention, could not find the word “blazer” used anywhere in this edition of Armstrong’s book, at least not in the chapter on jackets, which lead to internet research where I realized how weird (and male-coded, yikes) jacket terminology is.

6) Leggings pattern. Moved down in priorities less for complexity and more because the leggings section of my dresser-drawer is too full to close. I had to make some emergency heavyweight leggings with the old pattern for the winter (heating at work is broken), and the ankles still don’t fit, and I still need the butt adjustment, but its not like I ever wear leggings without a skirt or dress over them and nobody will notice :-P I’m still pretty optimistic about all of this, which feels oddly freeing. I won’t have to search for patterns similar to what I want anymore, and settle for good-enough. I can at least try to make what I want from scratch, and start with all of my weird shape measurements instead of altering someone else’s work to fit them. Don’t have any costuming focused sewing/drafting plans thus far, but that could very well change when con season starts next year. And Arisia is in January, squee!

[petaldancing]

top 5/bottom 5 works

rules: tag the person who tagged you, always post the rules, answer the questions, and add the date!

what are your five most popular works?

what are your five least popular works?

are you surprised? why?

tag six people to do this next! (thank you @brella for the tag!! i’m just gonna tag @robinparties @freikuugel @algometer and any other writer friends!)

gonna dig through my ao3 and ffnet accounts for extra fun in comparing the two since all the fics were posted at the same time on both sites? and will be only listing fics above 2k words!

Top 5 AO3 (@petaldancing) - based on kudos

When Autumn Comes I Still Think of You (Haikyuu!!, Natsu / OC) I want to say I’m surprised (because Natsu is a child in the manga, and I paired her with an OC in this !ten years later fic) but at the same time, I’m not, because the HQ fandom is so huge compared to the fandoms I usually write for so there was a higher # of readers who could’ve found this fic I guess. I’m happy there’s so much positivity for Natsu loving gals and big brother Kageyama though (:   

In Darkest Red (Psycho Pass, Yayoi / Shion) Psycho Pass is a p small fandom I think, so yeah, very surprised to see this here? Am attributing it to the fact that this is a relatively older fic (it shows!), been on the site longer, and is of a relatively popular pair from the show.  ** the previous fic has 346 kudos, this one has 196! that clear gap created by the sheer size of the HQ fandom.. wow...

You Have Made Me Brave (SDR2, Pekoyama / Kuzuryuu) Big fandom. Popular pair. Sad story with an even more heartwrenching ending. I cracked the code. 

The Rain Is Trying to Tell Me Something (Hyouka, Houtarou/Chitanda) Oh hey there you are!! The fic that I’m most satisfied with and feel the most complete about! Burdge drew fanart for this (!!! IM STILL IN AWE AND SHOCK) and that probably helped a lot in getting eyeballs on this. Am happy that this fic capped off my fanfic writing three years ago and am glad that despite Hyouka’s smallish fandom, it’s broken into the Top 5 (: 

Like the Mountains (Haikyuu!!, Yui/Daichi) The HQ fandom reasserts its dominance as the biggest fandom despite this being a het fic hohoho. I think this may have been because it was one of the earlier fics written about Yui/Daichi, just as more people started liking the pair?

Top 5 FFnet (@thundercow) - based on favs

The Rain is Trying to Tell me Something  Yay! I have much older fics on this account so that this still comes out top is a happy surprise for me!

Mignionette (Persona 3, feMC + Junpei) (not on AO3) THIS is a surprise. It’s Old! You can tell by my excessive descriptions and emphasis on symbolism. And my old habit of just breaking a fic into distinct scenes, focusing on characters looking inwards rather than their dynamics w one another. I think a lot of people just love the feMC and Junpei’s social link and I am glad. 

Streets in Summer (Anohana, Yukiatsu/Tsuruko) (not on AO3) WHY IS THIS HERE!! WOW!! The Anohana fandom is TINY! At the same time, I think it was around these fics that I started coming into the writing style I have today. Perhaps that could be a factor too? Or just that everyone, like me, had to consume more yukiatsu/tsuruko content after that open ending.

Telling Honest Lies (Anohana, Yukiatsu/Tsuruko) (not on AO3) Same as above! WoaHHhhHH

Today He Holds Her Gaze (Hyouka, Satoshi/Mayaka) Am surprised this has more favs than Queens Can’t Sleep (126 vs 58). Probably because this has a happy ending? But I do think I rushed this too much. If I had written this today, I would’ve added another 10k words to flesh out Satoshi’s conflict. Would they still sleep together? For sure. I am a flawed human being. I even made them do it in ‘The Rain Is Trying To Tell Me Something’. I rmb a couple of ppl not liking that but WELP i’m unapologetic satomaya trash. You can’t help me. I’m hopeless. But if I could rewrite the cringe-y scene here, I hope I’d be able to make it more subtle and graceful.

Bottom 5 AO3

the colour of youth (Hyouka drabble collection) It’s here because 1) I posted this this year and who reads hyouka fanfic in 2017?? and 2) no one expected me to update my ao3, not even myself.

Venus Rising (Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun, Shizuku / Natsume) Pacific Rim AUs are not unpopular. But... a PR AU of a shoujo manga?? Yeah. Also, the main pair was Shizuku/Natsume, rather than Shizuku/Haru (ew) or Sasayan/Natsume (mmm yeahh).

Flowers Without, Will (Hyouka, Satoshi/Mayaka) Old fic, small fandom! 

Colour-coded For Your Convenience (Hyouka, Satoshi/Mayaka/Houtarou?) Oh nooo. I not comfortable w ‘genderbending’ now! It’s a very simplistic and uninteresting way of exploring character dynamics, reinforces the gender binary.... and I didn’t even change their personalities much in this fic!! Also, the name changes are... a cross I will have to bear for the rest of my life. There are nuanced ways to write and explore character’s gender identities but this wasn’t one of them. It deserves to be here haha.

You & Mystery (Hyouka, ensemble detective AU) Oh man. I have a soft spot for this story that was inspired by the Hyouka ED. But, again, the unsurprising result of a small fandom!

Bottom 5 FFnet 

But Even Iron Trembles (Persona 5, Hifumi/Makoto) New fic! Surprised that it’s not in the bottom 5 for AO3, but that’s prob cause the P5 fandom is v active over there now. I hope it slowly gets out of this ranking though because I am pretty happy with how it turned out especially since I haven’t written fic for A While. Easily the longest oneshot fic I’ve written too, so that could be a reason why. 

We Roar In Our Own Voices (Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun, Hogwarts AU) Oh man. Shoujo manga + AU combi again I guess. This feels like it would really benefit from a rewrite because I love the ladies featured here. 

The Stories We’ll Sing (Penguindrum, Yuri/Tabuki)  (not on AO3) WOAHH!! I wrote this?? DANG. Didn’t even remember till I saw this on the page haha. Also I think no one really bothers w yuri and tabuki so yeah it’s not surprising. 

Colour-coded For Your Convenience  Yes. Stay here. 

Land Breaking (Kingdom Hearts, Terra)  (not on AO3) Well, hey there lil guy. You’re an angsty fic from my early days, aren’t you? 18y/o me reeling from the BBS ending and needing to write it out from Terra’s POV, which everyone knows already from playing the game haha. 

wow thank u @brella for tagging me. i just relived my younger fandom days through my fic archive... and i didn’t even look at my OTHER ffnet account! haha

date: 16 aug 2017

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[chokemeseokjin]

for that ask thing... do em all... all 170... do it 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

OK LET’S DO THIS

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I wish I was like 5′6″ tbh i’m too tall2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) fucking dragon mate3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? I like kinda cute pastel shit but not really girly? does that even make sense?4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Nintendogs?5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My gf, bees and flowers6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Approach with caution, cries easily and afraid of loud noises7: What is your opinion on Mo being unfaithful to Jimin? Unsurprising and relatable (ily)8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] IDK9: Are you ticklish? incredibly pls don’t touch me10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m lactose intolerant so… yeah11: What’s your sexuality? bi bi bi12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? tea i am a brit after all13: Are you a cat or dog person? B O T H14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire fam that’d be so cool15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? either Dan and Phil or Tomska, Dan and Phil are one in my head ok shut up16: How tall are you? 5′10″ :)))17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Evie bc that was what i was going to be called and I would prefer it,,,,18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] idk fam19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? kinda?20: Do you like space or the ocean more? S P A C E FAM THE STARS ARE JUST !!!!21: Are you religious? nah22: Pet peeves? When ppl walk really slowly in the middle of the fucking pavement23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal24: Favorite constellation? gemini obviously where my hoes at25: Favorite star? Kim Seokjin26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? the fuck are they?27: Any phobias or fears? the dark n clowns28: Do you think global warming is real? yes???29: Do you believe in reincarnation? yeah i guess I do30: Favorite movie? Super 8! Pls watch it! support my kids!31: Do you get scared easily? yes like seriously easy32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 233: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] BEST BLOG EVER 10/10 WOULD LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN34: What is a color that calms you? Pastel blue35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Japan and Hawaii! 36: Where were you born? hospital in my home town37: What is your eye color? very blue38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they’re interesting but the ones in magazines n shit are bullcrap40: Hugs or kisses? hugs pls41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? my gf :(42: Who is someone you love deeply? ur mum43: Any piercings you want? more on my ears and maybe my nose44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yes!!!!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? i have yh46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! how to describe min yoongi,,,,47: What is a sound you really hate? metal being like dragged along something u know what i mean48: A sound you really love? kim seokjin when he gets lines :))))49: Can you do a backflip? no i’m not jungkook50: Can you do the splits? nearly lol51: Favorite actor and/or actress? I lov Andrew Garfield with all my heart 52: Favorite movie? u asked this already but I’ll chose another one soooooooo um Breakfast Club bc i am a white girl53: How are you feeling right now? sleepy54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? same colour it is now tbh55: When did you feel happiest? sleeping56: Something that calms you down? watching youtube videos specifically gaming ones idk why but it’s rlly calming57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] probably lmao58: What does your URL mean? i want. kim seokjin. to choke me. ok? are we clear? 59: What three words describe you the most? a fucking loser60: Do you believe in evolution? yeah61: What makes you unfollow a blog? posting rude/mean stuff or just if I don’t enjoy their content anymore, i don’t mean any harm or anything lol62: What makes you follow a blog? if it’s pretty/memes63: Favorite kind of person: nice people who’re funny and caring and actually give a shit about me and other ppl, not just themselves64: Favorite animal(s): meerkats, giraffes n bees65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @oh-no-its-mo​ @jinsasleep​ @taechy​66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on my laptop!!!! the sparkly heart!67: Favorite meme: um idk? the in tarnation one is p funny atm tho68: What is your MBTI personality type? fuck i can’t remember the rarest one i know that for sure69: What is your star sign? Gemini, come fight me70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no jfc she wont even sit when i ask the hoe71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? denim mini skirt thing, tights n some cute top 72: Post a selfie or two? no73: Do you have platform shoes? i am tall enough74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I hate potatoes 75: Can you do a front flip? no jfc76: Do you like birds? yah77: Do you like to swim? I’m baically Rin tbh78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming i have no balance 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: donald trump80: Some thing you wish did exist: free traveling 81: Piercings you have? 5 in ma ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: writing and dying83: Favorite person to talk to: my gf84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? yo it was awful i was superwholock bullshit asshat i still hate myself for it i’ve been here too long85: How many followers do you have? 983!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? FUCKING HELL NO87: Do your socks always match? no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yes89: What are your birthstones? emerald 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? dragon91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? oh fam a fuckin scabious they’re the shit92: A store you hate? superdrug93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? i had 6 one day it was a mistake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? flyyyyyyy95: Do you like to wear camo? yes sir96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? i can swim a length of the pool underwater98: Least favorite person? donald trump99: Someone you look up to: is it cheesy to say namjoon?100: A store you love? the fat ass topshop on oxford street101: Favorite type of shoes? cute ballet flats102: Where do you live? LDN 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? bacon104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? i just thought of that fucking goat meme bye105: Do you drink milk? no i would die106: Do you like bugs? some107: Do you like spiders? small ones108: Something you get paranoid about? e v e r y t h i n g109: Can you draw: a little tho i’m sure others would disagree110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk fam i haven’t rlly been asked one111: A question you hate being asked? is ur hair naturally that colour112: Ever been bitten by a spider? no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yah114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? sunny!115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: my gf jfc how many times have i answered with that 116: Favorite cloud type: penis shapes ones117: What color do you wish the sky was? pink118: Do you have freckles? yah 119: Favorite thing about a person: their laugh120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: sleep tbh122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sour? i dont rlly like sweet stuff much124: Bright or dim lights? in between aaaaaye125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? unicorns i read a book when i was little that convinced me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: drama and ppl caring too much about shit that dont matter127: Something you love about Tumblr: making friends and seeing ppls amazing art!128: What do you think about the least? what a weird question um idk slugs?129: What would you want written on your tombstone? fucking finally130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Saitama? to see how much it would hurt131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire being132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? i dont smile at all if i can help it133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? sort of135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? motion yess not sure about sea136: Are your ears lobed or attached? attached137: Do you believe in karma? yes138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? a strong -4139: What nicknames do you have/have had? El, Ellz, Petra, Sharpay, bitch, hoe, shut up ellen140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? yeah141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? nope142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good most of the time143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving!!!!!!144: What makes you angry? rude people145: How many languages do you speak fluently? two146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? anyone who’ll have me tbh147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my eyes?149: Favorite thing about your personality: i guess i’m kind idk150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my gf (again), Jess and Ellie151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosaurs, i would make them my children152: Do you like BuzzFeed? their snapchat thing always makes me laugh153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] through this god damn website thanks to pepekwan,  romance at it’s finest kids154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? yes155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yes156: What embarrasses you? literally everything157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: again, literally everything158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i’m straight 159: How many people are you following? too many160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 46,715 JFC161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 1,758163: Last time you cried and why: i can’t actually remember 164: Do you have long or short hair? medium!!!!!!165: Longest your hair has ever been: nearly to my waist166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? never really affected me tbh, people can believe what they want to beleive as long as they’re not hurting anyone/ pressuring anyone to believe in it too167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? not really no168: Do you like to wear makeup? yeah u dont wanna see me without it169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no?????170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes I have ur welcome Mo ily

i didnt check this so sorry if there are mistakes lol