#it the expectation and the awarness of the intended purposes of your existence that haunts you

[lobpoints]

Clawing at people making them understand that Angela didnt wear the exact hairband as Carmen since it is literally the point of the symbolism surrounding said hairband

[lorelylantana]

A Blindsided Engagement Chapter 1: Blindsided

Next

Chapter rating: G Overall rating: G

Ao3

Calamity was soundly defeated, and the Kingdom of Hyrule was at peace, but King Rhoam knew something dark was afoot. He sat at his desk, eyeing the tray of incoming documents. Of all the missives and appeals, he had the sinking feeling that today would be yet another day passed without a request for his daughter’s hand in marriage. King Rhoam had many regrets for his actions toward his daughter, and he didn’t want to rush Zelda into marriage. He couldn’t undo the years of neglect, but he could do that much.

His resolve in the matter didn’t make the lack of suitors any less disconcerting. He was baffled. Even if his daughter was homely, which she most certainly was not, the King would have received several letters from young nobles and their parents eyeing the throne before Zelda even came of age. Before Calamity’s defeat, he figured it was another facet of the extenuating circumstances that darkened those years, and had expected a cascade of offers after things settled down. After losing sleep over it, he could only think of one explanation.

A coup was brewing. One intent on wresting Hylia’s bloodline from the throne.

The moment the thought ran through his mind Rhoam summoned the Sheikah forces, the researchers took center stage in the last decade, but the stealth units still existed. This meant that the crown still had a robust intelligence agency, which he wasted no time sending them out to sniff out the traitors and drag them out to face justice.

The Sheikah were efficient, and more importantly they were accurate, so when they returned empty handed, the King knew it was because there was nothing to find.

Still, he couldn’t help but ask, “Are you certain?”

The agent nodded, “There’s nothing but glowing praise for the royal family in the wake of Calamity’s downfall, the recent events have highlighted the need to preserve the bloodline.”

Then what was it? Why didn’t anyone want to marry his daughter? 

Confused and more than a little offended, he summoned the son of a noble house that was known to be particularly opportunistic.

“You wanted to see me, your Majesty?” 

The young man squirmed  under the King’s stare. Rhoam shuffled some papers around to look busy before beginning his ruse.

“You know my daughter, Princess Zelda?”

The man gulped, “Yes, sire.”

“And you know she is of marrying age.”

“Yes,”

“I’m considering Zelda’s groom to be, future of Hyrule and all that, and since you are fairly high on the list of prospects I want your thoughts on the matter,” King Rhoam said, staring at the young man as he shifted on his feet and looked down. As the silence dragged on he prompted him. “Do you want to marry my daughter?”

The young man took a breath to brace himself before looking the King in the eye, “No, Your Majesty.”

“Why not, then?!” Rhoam’s voice came out louder than he’d intended, offended on his daughter’s behalf. The young noble flinched at his tone. A minute ran long, silent as the man gathered himself and gave his answer.

“It wouldn’t feel right, sir,” the nobleman shrunk under Rhoam’s gaze, and he began to lose his thoughts, “It’s just, Sir Link saved my little brother’s life. I can’t betray him like that after he’s done so much for my family-”

“Wait,” the King held up a hand, baffled, “What does the Hylian Champion have to do with this?”

The young noble stopped, his face reflecting the king’s own confusion.

“He loves her, as I’m sure you noticed.” 

He had not noticed. Yet this young man’s voice rang with the certainty of one talking about the blue sky or the chill of winter, and yet it gave the King a pause. He leaned back.

“Come again?”

“Sir Link is in love with Princess Zelda,” the young man said.

“And he told you this?”

He shook his head, “He didn’t need to, it’s as plain as day. Everyone knows, just ask around.”

With that the nobleman was sent away, and King Rhoam sent the Sheikah out to gather information once more. This time, his suspicions were confirmed.

Every single noble house in Hyrule received critical aid from the Hylian Champion, and subsequently held him in high regard. That verified one half of the young man’s theory, but what of the other?

As a knight bound by oath, Link adhered to a strict code of conduct that governed his every waking hour. He wasn’t to deceive frivolously, he was to extend a helping hand whenever possible, and he would never, under any circumstances, presume to declare his undying love to Princess Zelda. It was unprofessional, if not unethical. He was tasked with her safety, and that included sheltering her from the burden of his emotions. And so, Zelda was kept in blissful ignorance to the heart she held in her hands.

The chivalric code was strict, but it wasn’t unforgiving. There were allowances. Small things Link could do to express little shreds of his love, if only to keep from exploding. To keep from shouting out his devotion for Zelda, her fierce determination and her unbreakable spirit. He kept his silence for so long, he thought restraining himself would be natural, but then she would laugh, or look his way, or hum if he was lucky, and he was a beat away from saying ‘I love you’. It was too much to hold in. Too much to hide, so he began giving Zelda small tokens of his affections. Subtle gestures, unnoticeable, and easily misconstrued as a part of his duty to the Princess’ safety.

Link brought her flowers, but only those with medicinal purposes. To aid in her research, he insisted to those who questioned, to ensure she had medicine of any kind should she need it. He would take every opportunity to take her hand, only to ensure she wouldn’t fall. 

The gesture that brought him the most relief, however, was simply bringing her hand to his lips and leaving a small kiss against her knuckles. It was perfectly acceptable because it was selfless. A kiss upon the hand was a show of respect, of reverence, and expected absolutely nothing in return. It was his greeting and his farewell  When he first became Zelda’s appointed knight, she would rip her hand away as soon as was polite. Yet as the esteem she held him in rose she was much more indulgent of his wishes, reaching for his hand at times. He’d grown so bold recently, bowing over her arm no longer. Instead, he was reckless enough to raise her hand to his lips so he could look her in the eye.

It was no cause for scrutiny, of course. All very honorable and above board, so when Link was called to the King’s office one fateful day, he was fully under the impression that his affections were a secret to all but the knight himself.

Sir Link stood still and stoic before his King, looking for all the world like the hero he was. He’d been called into the King’s office a few times, all to report on his daughter’s wellbeing, so when the King asked his question Link was taken aback.

“I’ll get straight to the point, Sir Link. Do you love my daughter?”

Link didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. The nobleman was right, it was plain as day. Written in the blush on his cheeks and the way his breath caught, highlighted by the slight panic in his eye.

Hylia save him, the boy wasn’t subtle at all. Quite surprising in the face of Sir Link’s reputation, but young love is a strange force indeed.

Although, now that Rhoam considered things, perhaps Sir Link’s blatant heart could help solve this issue quicker. The King wasn’t going to pass up a stress free wedding, without all the yapping of disgruntled nobles trying to match their own sons with his daughter. Yes, the king was certain that this was a very good sign indeed. His dear Zelda was the brightest of her generation, renowned for her keen eye and discerning mind. There was absolutely no way his daughter could look upon this young man and not be immediately aware of his feelings for her. This, along with how well she got along with Sir Link, could only mean that she accepted his feelings. Surely, if Link loving her was a cause for discomfort, Zelda would have sent him away. She had ample opportunity, and after her triumph Rhoam would deny her nothing. 

“I- I assure you, Your Majesty, I’ve made no untoward advances. I swear on the sword I carry.”

The young man’s shaking voice snapped Rhoam out of his train of thought.

“What?” he asked before waving a dismissive and, “Of course, of course. Sit, Zelda will be here soon enough.”

Sir Link’s eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak before shutting it tightly. Sitting rigidly in his chair, the young man waited with bated breath while the King sent for his daughter.

She arrived only a few minutes later, never far from the library and the surrounding offices.

“You called for me, father?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. She had just finished going over her itinerary, so she didn’t know what this meeting was about. The king gestured for the second chair across his desk. And waited for her to sit down before answering.

“We are here to discuss Sir Link’s love for you,”

In his seat, Link made a choking sound, almost hyperventilating. Rhoam pitied him, but he knew that the sooner Link learned of his place in Zelda’s heart he would feel much better. Zelda on the other hand, seemed to be caught completely off guard. Her cheeks red and hands brought to her mouth as she whispered. She looked at her knight, who sat still and resolute, yet blushing all the more.

“His what?”

Well, it was understandable that she would be a tad confused, after all, it wasn’t every day that one spoke of love so bluntly.

Link was mortified, but said nothing in his defense. This was clearly his penance for having impure thoughts of his charge. He had deluded himself into thinking the dreams that haunted him were out of his control, and thus undeserving of reproach. The present situation swiftly disabused him of any such notion in short order. 

Still, King Rhoam had to keep the ball rolling. There was no use wasting time. 

“In light of this recent discovery, and since you are of age to be married, I thought it wise to consult you on the matter, dear Zelda.”

At the mention of her name, she turned back to her father, still a bit disoriented in the face of her revelation, “Yes?”

Rhoam spoke plainly, as he always did, “Would you like to marry Sir Link?”

Zelda was frozen. She was completely unaware how Link felt about her, but now that she was told, everything fell into place. How she found her hand in his several times a day. The softness in his eyes. She’d thought them expressions of duty, but when she looked at the flush in his cheeks as he stared at the floor she knew her father’s words were true. 

Before Zelda knew it, “Yes, I would,” fell from her lips, breathless and sincere.

Link’s head snapped up, looking up at her with a furrowed brow, disbelieving.

“Yes,” she said again, and her heart leapt at the way her knight’s skepticism melted into pure joy, smiling brighter than she’d ever seen him. She found herself giggling at the expression.

“Well then, it’s settled,” the King declared with a grin, “The two of you shall be wed in a year’s time. Now go, I won’t keep you two any longer.”

The young couple raced out of the room, and Rhoam heard the two explode into conversation, no doubt eager to celebrate their upcoming union.

[writteninsunshine]

My Enemies Belittle Me - Xemnas-Centric - SFW

Title: My Enemies Belittle Me

Author: Reno

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

Setting: The World That Never Was, KHII

Pairing: None

Characters: Xemnas, King Mickey, Ansem The Wise, Sora, Kairi, Riku, Naminé, Xehanort

Genre: Angst/Spiritual

Rating: T

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 778

Type Of Work: One-Shot

Status: Complete

Warnings: Existentialism, Headcanon Heavy, Xemnas-Centric

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.

Summary: Xemnas visits his thoughts for one final time as the race against him is coming to a close.

AN: Hey guys, it’s me again! If anyone wants my writing discord, please DM me. I also have a writing tumblr!

Anyway, I really like this fic, I hope you guys, too. It can be very triggering if your mental health is not great, I think, so please read with caution.

Kingdom Hearts Fanfic Masterlist

My Enemies Belittle Me

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There was something to be said for the voracious appetite of the Keyblade.

It gathered hearts like nothing he’d ever seen before, and the sheer number of them that Sora was drumming up for him only made a faint smile come to his lips. Watching his Kingdom Hearts coming into being, knowing what it meant for him, well… He would say he was elated if he could feel anything at all.

Not even annoyance crept into his life. There was no question that every last member of his pitiful Organization had their own agenda. Perhaps the other didn’t know it, but he was well aware of Saïx’s true intentions. It was one thing to have a suspicion, but knowing that he was actively being betrayed probably should have elicited more of a reaction from him.

Instead, he felt nothing. Not even a numbness, but a profound emptiness. Part of him recognized that this was likely what death felt like. Or, perhaps, he was death. That was what many considered nonexistence, and by all rules and logic, he didn’t exist. Which meant that nonexistence wasn’t even radio static. It was silence, it was emptiness, it was torturous.

When Xehanort had sought out this end to his emotional upheaval, he had intended to make his life easier. Erasing the emotions would make it simpler to deal with the everyday things that haunted him. 

Or, at least, that was what he had thought. 

Unfortunately, Xemnas had found that completely removing all emotion probably wasn’t worth it. He wanted to have the good emotions back. Why did life deem that an unnatural occurrence? It would have been so much better, so palatable, to be able to just switch off the negativity. The constant intrusive thoughts had driven him to nothingness, and now he operated on the fringe edge of light and darkness.

This was not what he had wanted, and he couldn’t even express his distress. What a mess he had gotten himself into. It wasn’t like he was truly prepared for what true emptiness would feel like. Sometimes, science was an art, and he had never been very artistic. In fact, he had always leaned more into the scientific, to facts, to learning… To exploring the doors that nobody wanted to even unlock.

Perhaps that had been where he had messed up this time.

Would death set him free? He honestly didn’t know. It was an interesting prospect to dissect in theory, but watching his fellow Nobodies dispatched so easily by Sora and his keyblade was growing worrisome. Perhaps he didn’t wish to continue living with nothing inside him, but was it truly so simple? Could the endless nothingness that waited be any different from the empty void he was already a part of?

Sora would bring him an end, one way or another. Be it by his collecting of hearts or his own hands, Xemnas would have to find it within himself to feel solace in the fact that his fate was being written as he sat in silence.

Riku and Kairi were something he hadn’t truly expected, however. Sure, he knew they were loose in his castle, of course, he did, but their reuniting with Sora was a thorn in his side. What twisted the knife was Ansem the Wise’s involvement. 

Xemnas must have been a big-ticket enemy for the King, Riku, Ansem, Kairi, Sora, and even Naminé and Axel to band together against him. Perhaps his ideals were too big, too much for them to understand. Most likely, they would never understand his motivations.

It wasn’t necessarily Xehanort that he desired to become by completing Kingdom Hearts. The end goal was to have the thirteen vessels he would need in order to complete his plans. Everyone listened to him, he was the first, they believed him, or so he thought. Why else would they listen when he told them to do things? It wasn’t like his missions served a purpose in the grand scheme of things. Sure, here and there they would guarantee he was making the correct decisions… But there was an underlying reason.

Tired, overworked people, Nobodies included, would listen. They would do whatever he wanted because they were told to, they were too beaten down not to. He encouraged them to waste themselves away so that his plans would not find any hiccups. Giving them little downtime meant less time to plan a coup. Or, so he’d wanted.

“I will be executed no matter what I do, so what does it matter?” He told the emptiness of the void, watching the hearts swarming to the sky above him. “It will be what it will be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AN: So, I wrote this as a Solo for my Xemnas rp account! I really like how it came out, I hope you guys like it, too!

Prompt: “I will be executed no matter what I will do, so what does it matter?”

[corpse--diem]

History Repeats | Arthur & Erin

With: @arthurjdrake

After being practically stuck inside for nearly a month with her undead father, going anywhere else was like a breath of fresh air. So when the idea struck Erin to get caught up on some work at Coffee Plus struck her, she was out of the door faster than she could put her jacket on. From the second she walked in the door, she was reminded instantly of her previous trip here. Her and Regan had sat right to her left. The woman who’d yelled at them not far from it. A small smile tugged at her lips, before the overwhelming panic that came with the rest of that stroll down memory lane. Confident that there was no hypnotist in the area, her eyes rolling to herself at the thought, she grabbed a coffee and settled in with her tablet. She was getting behind on her obituaries--another fun detail most people weren’t aware she took care of. Knee-deep in some family history and photos, her eyes happened to glance up above her screen, then back down again. Then, instantly, right back up. Was she seeing this right? She sat back, taking a good, hard look at the picture of the man on her screen--a man who had died years ago. Then, back to the man she had just seen step into the cafe. It was completely unintentional, and totally rude, but she couldn’t stop staring at this man.

It had been at least a couple of lifetimes since Arthur had been in White Crest - always ending up wherever Mercy happened to travel that coincided with his rebirth cycle. His death the last time in this town had been unfounded and quite mundane - gunned down after accidentally stumbling in on an altercation between two feuding families. He’d started a life here and made a couple of friends. The ending really was quite unmemorable. A shotgun blast to the abdomen had put an unfortunate end to what had been a relatively mediocre existence. Thankfully, some things about it had changed. Admittedly while getting his afternoon cup of coffee at what was fast becoming a frequent haunt for him, he wasn’t expecting to feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end at the indication that someone was staring at him quite intently. The sensation caused him to bristle a little, before a marginal turn of his head opened his peripheral just enough to spot the responsible party. His brow furrowed for a moment at the look of shock on her features, glancing over his other shoulder to check if it was not him, but someone else she was staring at… But there was only empty space beyond. Glancing back once more to the women he fixed her with an uncertain and slightly questioning look not recognizing her from anywhere in particular. Taking the time to order and collect his drink, he circled back, approaching her table until his six foot three frame loomed beside it. “Apologies ma’am… I couldn’t help but… uh… notice… You were giving me a strange look… If I’ve done… something to offend you” not that he was sure what he could’ve done to a stranger but in a town like this who knew “please know that I’m quite apologetic for... whatever seems to be the issue.”

Erin knew she should have stopped staring at some point--the man clearly noticed. But she couldn’t help herself. Couldn’t help glancing back up and then down at the photo, again and again. The photo that was far older than what this man could have possibly been. Oh shit--she must have been staring too long, and too hard because after a few moments, he was heading her way. And he was apologizing to her? She pulled her tablet closer to her, shaking her head. “No, God, I’m sorry. Please don’t apologize.” She bit her lip, trying to decide if she was going to share or not. Was that weird? Ah, hell. “I just--” she paused again, fighting with herself until she eventually just gave in. “You don’t happen to know the Crane’s in town, do you? Or are you related to them?” She stood from her spot slowly, tablet in hand, as she zoomed in on the somewhat blurry black and white photo. But now that she held the photo up so he could see. “You see why I was staring now though, right?”

Arthur couldn’t help but blink as after his apology for whatever he’d done to give offence to make this woman stare at him as though he’d grown another head, she offered up one of her own. To say he was perplexed was perhaps a bit of an understatement. To steady any growing nerves, Arthur took a slow sip of his coffee, the familiar bitter taste washing away some of his anxiety over this stranger somehow seeming to think him familiar. “Okay… then, forgive me but I’ve got to ask… Why were you staring at me as if I’ve got another head.” But his answer was provided a few moments later. Crane. A name that had served its purpose when he’d been passing through town before an… untimely demise. “Um… Ha, funny question that but… Yes, I think I have some familial connections back to this town… I think my great great grandfather used to live around these parts...” he smiled though it dimmed fractionally as she turned around her tablet revealing a photograph of him… 1800s style portraiture. Black and white. Distinctly recognisable of a slightly younger self if you looked close enough. “Oh… wow, that’s… Damn that’s pretty scary… He looks…” Arthur swallowed but let very real shock simply play into the reaction he gave as he gestured for a moment before taking the tablet and peering at it with interest. “Where’d you find this?”

Erin was relieved at how calm this man was, despite the abrupt prying and staring. A real killer first introduction, she thought as she watched him nervously sip his coffee. But it was too late to go back now, wasn’t it? But the familial link made sense, and she was growing more curious and more excited about the discovery. “Great-great grandfather? No way,” she grinned, unabashedly scanning over his features as he studied the photo himself. “You guys could be straight up dopplegangers,” she said, watching the shock settle over his face. This was as weird as it was cool, but his curiosity ignited further intrigue on her part. “I’m a funeral director and--” Oh. She paused, realizing that she might have actually overstepped this time. Especially if this was his family. She cleared her throat, trying to carry on without skipping too much of a beat. “And I was given a whole digitized album of family pictures to include for the memorial. I was just going through them, writing the obituary, when your face--or, your grandfather’s face--popped up.”

Thankfully several lifetimes could serve when it came to being shocked, though this had certainly not been how he’d seen his day unfolding. His fingers tightened a fraction on the mug, though his smile remained amicable if a little disturbed by this apparent discovery. “I think… Yeah… Well, uh I guess.” Admittedly on the spot he ran through a list of potential explanations in his mind but her clarification as to why she was digging around through old obituaries caused his eyes to widen a little. Some of the tension in his chest unwound fractionally at the revelation and it gave him a bit more time to think. “Aah… That’s… Yeah that’s a bit less weird then, though you’re right the resemblance is… spooky” he laughed. The sound more than a little awkward in its delivery and at the situation he presently found himself feeling quite floundered in. “That’s why I… um, came here - to this town that is” he clarified quickly “not… this coffee shop. That’d really be weird.” He raised a hand to scratch behind his ear, “because research not just… for that” he indicated the photo with an awkward nod “but research… generally. I teach you see - at the university. History. I teach history.... I’m a historian.”

This poor guy, Erin had to laugh to herself. Here he was just trying to get a cup of coffee in peace and he’d barely made it through the door before a small spectacle was made of himself. Still, the curiosity tugged harder than her sense of good manners. Curiosity prevailed. “It is spooky,  isn’t it?” She narrowed her eyes gently in his direction, gesturing towards the open seat across from the table the rest of her things occupied. “Do you have a minute to join me?” She asked, starting to shuffle back towards her seat. “Maybe this is kismet, you know? Like, how else would you describe something like this?” She offered a smile at him, hoping to convey her appreciation for him humoring her as much as he already had. But before she sat, she finally remembered her sense of human civility. “Shit, I’m sorry--I’m Erin, by the way. Erin Nichols,” she reached for his hand, smiling a little bigger and softer. “You can’t tell me you’re not a little curious, especially as a historian.”

“Super spooky,” Arthur agreed, wondering what kind of predicament he’d gotten himself into with this conversation. But he’d gone and put his foot in it hadn’t he? So what else could he do but sit and try to figure out how best to resolve this situation. “Well… I was-” he debated on making up some sort of excuse of a thing he’d been intending on doing, but unfortunately this was a touch more pressing. At least he could be present whilst she did her digging, who knew what she might turn up if he wasn’t around to add a little bit of clarification to it. “But… uh sure…” He internally sighed at the turn of events as he moved to take the proffered seat. “Maybe, or just a really weird coincidence.” Who could say for sure but he returned her smile with a faint albeit genuine one of his own. Always amicable even if he did feel like he was struggling to tread water. The sudden remembrance of civility drew forth a soft huff of a laugh, “all good, Arthur Drake… Pleasure to meet you Erin,” he greeted as he took her hand and shook it politely with a warmer look. “Yeah… Okay you’ve got me,” his smile grew into a little bit of a shy grin “still wasn’t how I was expecting this day to turn out… So how’d you find that anyway? An obituary of someone who passed recently or?”

Erin grinned wider when the man finally seemed to be ceding to her request, even if a bit reluctantly. “I won’t keep you long. I pr--” The word almost slipped from her mouth and Erin pretended to cough to cover up the hiccup. No fucking way was she uttering the ‘p-word’ in the very same place her and Regan had been just a month ago. “Excuse me. Scout’s honor. Not trying to deter your day too much.” It took a moment for her it to click, but the name smacked her with familiarity. Arthur Drake. She nodded, though she was half-distracted as she tried to pull a faint memory from the depths of her brain to connect it. “Yeah, like I said--the family decedent recently passed, so the family gave me their files to go through and put something together for the service and the obituary. It’s pretty common--” she halted mid speech, temporarily forgetting the whole reason this man was here. Instead, focusing on who he was. “Arthur Drake! Wait!” She pointed to him, new enthusiasm in her voice. “You’re Mercy’s Arthur. I mean, you know her. Mercy.” Her eyes narrowed slightly as she recalled the conversation, though a slight, very knowing smirk sat on the tip of her lips.

The sudden way she cut herself off from saying what Arthur could only assume was promise didn’t escape his attention. She’d gotten his attention and now that she had it little slips were something that would be noted and collected, filed in his mind to formulate a better understanding on this strange mortician that seemed to somehow find him of apparent interest. “Alright… I guess I can spare a little time.” How long would depend. But for now it would suffice to give her a bit of leeway. “I see... Well… from what I know he didn’t have any kids of his own this side of the pond… But it’s possible he might’ve fostered a few people and that’s how the name got connected.“ Arthur knew for a fact that was exactly what had happened, but he wasn’t about to admit that. “I’m English myself… Most of my heritage is as well from what little I know of it…” His fingers lightly rubbed at the angle of his jaw as he tried to run the approximate timelines in his head, gods this was going to get confusing. Thankfully he was spared from those calculations by Erin’s sudden exclamation that initially made him blink and then look a fair bit more sheepish than he already had. There was no helping his mild cringe, “ah--- not her Arthur… Well, yes her Arthur but… Not in that sense… Because I’m not… hers. Uh… shit, yes, Gods… What’s she been saying about me? How do you know her?”

What a strange, nervous, little man, Erin thought quietly to herself. His reaction to her inquiry about Mercy was interesting, though. “Mmhmm…” She nodded thoughtfully, unable to hide the little smirk. “We’re old friends. She’s one of the few people in this town who’d gladly scale a cliff with me instead of listing all the reasons why I shouldn’t.” After the past few weeks she’d had, she’d likely give the woman a call for that. Turned her attention back to the screen in her hand, trying to be nonchalant. “Some good things, don’t worry,” she offered pleasantly, but that was all she would say on the matter, recalling how back-and-forth her friend had been when she recalled their Arthur Drake conversation. She halted mid-scroll, the amusement falling from her features suddenly, features narrowing into pure concentration. An older photograph emerged, one from more than a few decades before the original one she had first shown Arthur. Identical. She held the photo up, eyes wide. “Is--do you see that too?”

“Old friends… Huh, interesting” Arthur clicked his tongue a little as he eyed Erin for a moment not quite sure what to make of that statement. “Yeah that definitely sounds like her…” He couldn’t help the way his gaze intensified however in the interim, trying to decipher the code of what constituted good things. The talk of Mercy in all honesty had distracted him temporarily from what they were even ‘researching’. By ‘researching’, it wasn’t Arthur’s typical proactive contribution to sessions as typically befitted his interest in the topic. It was more Erin looking through certain documentations while Arthur asked the odd question here and there trying to look interested while wondering just what this woman might know. That was until Erin froze, and Arthur’s eyes snapped to the screen trying his best to contain his sudden panic. Oh shit. Thankfully at that point his phone vibrated. He snatched up his phone and quickly thumbed open a note tilting the screen just enough to hide its contents as he rushed to fake texting out a reply “oh gods, I’m sorry… my um, tortoise… is really ill and needs food...“ He shot her an apologetic look quickly getting to his feet “well, this was fascinating… Really, but um, yeah… Gotta go, good luck…” With a minor wave, Arthur shot straight for the door cursing this whole venture in his mind. What had he gotten himself into?

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Halloween Special Villains

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Ah, Halloween, that magical, spooky time of year where ghosts and goblins come out to play and children dress up in the hopes of getting some delicious Halloween candy. But what about all of us who are trapped at home on the night of this pagan costume and candy festival? What do we have to keep us entertained?

Why, Halloween specials of course!

If there’s one thing Halloween delivers on almost as well as Christmas does, it’s spooky Halloween-themed episodes of cartoons, where the show is allowed to get darker and more disturbing than it usually does in some cases. And what is any special without a special one-shot villain? Gotta have someone stirring up some Halloween trouble on this spooky night. And since these characters are usually one and done with little in the way to go super in-depth about, I’d figure we’d look at five of them at once! They are:

Jack O’Lantern from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Pumpkinator from The Fairly OddParents

Bun-Bun from Underfist

Fright Night from Danny Phantom

Ron Tompkins from Toy Story of Terror!

I’m sure some of you feel there are some glaring omissions. Where’s the Flying Dutchman? Where’s Stickybeard? Well, I decided that this time around I’d go with characters whose major appearances and debuts are Halloween episodes; both those guys had major roles in non-Halloween episodes as well, so I’ll be saving them for full reviews at a later date. Also of note: I am aware the story of Toy Story of Terror! does not take place on Halloween, but it is aired as a Halloween special, so I’m counting it.

Actor: So if there’s one thing these guys aren’t lacking in, it’s the actor department, and this isn’t a huge shock since when you’ve got a holiday special you want to splurge a bit, you know?

Jack has one of my favorite actors ever, the always-awesome Wayne Knight. Knight just has that sort of voice that’s perfect for smug jerk characters like Mr. Blik or Dennis Nedry, so really it’s pretty fitting for a pranking trickster like Jack, though I will say that it’s hard to match Knight’s voice to the human version of Jack when you see him in a flashback.

Ron Tompkins isn’t too far behind in the impressive VA department, being voiced by none other than Stephen Tobolowsky, who you may remember as the overbearing Ned Ryerson from GroundHog Day (and how can you forget him? You see him repeating the same scene about thirty times). He does a great job at making Tompkins cartoonishly evil and mostly enjoyable, a tall order for a character who steals toys from children to sell online.

And if you thought the list of awesome actors was done, boy were you wrong! Star Trek’s very own Michael Dorn voices the Fright Knight, and Dorn’s voice is absolutely perfect for a cool, evil, undead knight.

Bun-Bun is voiced by Dave Wittenberg who is an insanely prolific VA, playing characters such as Henry Wong from Digimon Tamers (AKA the beast season of Digimon) to none other than Kakashi from Naruto. I think it goes without saying a VA this versatile manages to make the role work.

And finally, we have the Pumpkinator, who is played by Dee Bradley Baker, and if I sat here listing all the notable roles this man has played we’d be here all night. But here’s a small sample: Appa, Momo, Squilliam Fancyson and Bubble Bass, Klaus the goldfish, Cow and Chicken’s dad, Cinderblock and Plasmus, the Alien and Predator in Mortal Kombat, Lion and Frybo, Numbah 4 and the Toilenator, Remy Buxaplenty, most of the animals in The Legend of Korra… you get the picture. This guy’s a legend. He’ll do any sort of role, big or small, so even if he’s not playing the most complex character here, he’s at least giving it a unique spin with his voice because man, this guy has RANGE.

Motivation/Goals: Jack has a rather simple motivation: revenge. You see, ages ago he managed to steal Grim’s scythe when he was about to be reaped, and bartered for the scythe’s return, asking to be made immortal. Grim reluctantly gave him this, but, as Grim is not someone who likes being tricked, also cut his head off. As anything cut off with Grim’s scythe is permanently cut off, Jack had to replace his head with a pumpkin (of course). This lead to him being shunned as a freak, which just made jis desire for vengeance even stronger; I mean, wouldn’t you want revenge if you could only go to the ding-dong grocery store to get pudding once a year?

If you want to get even simpler, the Pumpkinator is your guy! He exists simply to blow up planets. Tat’s it. He’s very much just an obstacle Timmy needs to overcome so that he can undo his wish for every Halloween costume to be “real and scary” before the consequences end up destroying the world.

Bun-Bun is rather simple as well: he just seems to be a jerk. But they don’t just make him a simple jerk, no, this is a Billly & Mandy spinoff so things have to be taken to their ridiculous extreme. Bun-Bun turns out to be behind numerous extremely petty actions that affected the lives of the main heroes, having haunted Hoss as a child and made him afraid of monsters, made Billy afraid of spiders which estranged him from his son Jeff, and, uh, sawed off Fred Fredburger’s tusks. The fiend! As you might guess, there’s no real rhyme or reason to this, it’s just goofy absurdist over-the-top sort of thing you’d expect from Maxwell Atoms.

Ron has a relatively simple motivation, but frankly it might be the most evil out of all of these: the man steals toys from the children who stay at his motel to sell them for monetary gain. Yes, this is more evil than attempting to blow up the planet, you heard me. I have no idea how sick and twisted you have to be to think that stealing toys from children is acceptable. Funnily enough, this is the same sort of motivation Al (who was played by Wayne Knight, funnily enough) from Toy Story 2 had, though Ron takes it above and beyond.

And finally that brings us to Fright Knight, Much like most of the ghosts on the show, Fright Knight seems to just want to cause a ruckus after he’s released, attempting to take over Amity Park when Danny foolishly releases him. Later in the show he is freed to serve Pariah Dark, and after Dark is beaten he joins up with Vlad. In his final appearance of any consequence he is seen serving the Ultimate Enemy in the bad future. Basically the guy is just a really cool overhyped henchman.

Personality: So let’s get the easy one out of the way first: The Pumpkinator doesn’t exactly have a personality, because it is a big generic doomsday villain meant to act as an obstacle for Timmy to overcome. However, when it returned later in the episode where Timmy goes to Unwish Island, it did have one notable personality trait: an undying hatred for Timmy Turner, It’s a pretty relatable trait the more into the series you watch.

Bun-Bun is also rather evil and simple. He’s just a petty jerk, as can be seen by his crimes listed up under motivation. There’s not much else to him, same with Fright Knight who, again, is mostly just an overhyped henchman who acts as the hardcore badass serving whatever big bad of the week is out to get Danny (or he would have, but more on that later).

Out of all of these, Ron and Jack have the most personality. Jack is an unrepentant prankster who, at least when alive, was heavily implied to just not get he was taking it too far with his pranks (“too far” in this case being tricking people off of cliffs, at the least), and simply morphed into a bitter, jaded, vengeance-seeking supernatural entity after hundreds of years of rejection by society and isolation. Jack’s honestly pretty tragic in that regard, though it obviously doesn’t excuse his actions.

Ron is just a straight-up jerk, putting up a facade of being a charming, friendly motel owner while stealing toys from under his guest’s noses. As the truth comes out about him, he becomes more cartoonish and hammy, which really doesn’t help his case at all, and in his final scene he actually does something so cartoonish he almost feels like he doesn’t belong in the Toy Story universe.

Final Fate: Funnily enough, Pumpkinator actually gets the happiest ending out of anyone here: after being unwished by Timmy, he goes to Unwish Island and, after Timmy eventually journeys there, gets to have fun tormenting Timmy clones for the rest of time.

Ron probably has the second happiest ending, for a given definition of “happy.” Bonnie’s mother calls the cops on him for his theft, and when they show up, he somehow manages to trick them, run away, steal their car, crash it into a telephone pole when backing up, and then run off before they even move a muscle. It’s ridiculously cartoonish, and there’s no way this guy is gonna be getting off easy after that little display.

Onto Bun-Bun. Bun-Bun made one simple mistake: he put any trust at all int Skarr. For those not in the know, Skarr was the “Starscream” to Hector Con Carne, always hoping to overthrow him and take over his world domination schemes for himself before he ended up retiring from that life and becoming a reoccurring character on Billy & Mandy. So, when he joins up with the villain by betraying Underfist, what do you think he does? He betrays the villain, pushing Bun-Bun into hot cocoa and melting him, using his power of treachery and backstabbing to help his team save the world. It’s pretty amusing in that classic Billy & Mandy way.

Good ol’ Jack ends up getting sent to the underworld this time since Grim wasn’t putting up with his crap anymore, and it seems Jack still hasn’t learned his lesson about pranking. When last we see him, he’s now tormenting demons, who all start moving in on him while he laughs at his dumb pranks. The screen cuts to black and we hear a squishing noise. It’s safe to say he won’t have to worry about that pumpkin head causing him problems anymore.

Fright Night is easily the most tricky one to talk about because his entire intended purpose in the show got aborted. After he was brought back to serve Pariah, he ended up under Vlad’s control by episode’s end, but for some reason, nothing ever came of this and it was never mentioned again – well, except in the “Ultimate Enemy” special, in which the Fright Knight cameos at the beginning, acting as something of the hype man for Dan Phantom, softening up Amity Park for Dan’s attack. After that, though, he’s basically out of the series, save for a couple of brief cameos here and there.

Best Scene: Jack has the flashback to his origins, because not only is it perfectly dark for a show’s Halloween episode, you have to give props to anyone who managed to outwit Grim, even if he did end up paying a steep price for it.

Ron has his aforementioned escape from the police. I do think it’s a bit too cartoonish and silly for Toy Story, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t pretty hilarious either way.

The Fright Knight has the aforementioned scene where he mentions he’s serving The evil future Danny. Considering that’s his last real role in the series, at least he got to go out on a high note, though it still sucks nothing ever came of the plotlines set up for him.

Bun-Bun’s best scene is when he revealed that he was the architect of most of the protagonist’s woes. Again, it’s just classic over-the-top Billy & Mandy silliness, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The Pumpkinator… just doesn’t have one. Sorry.

Best Quote: While most of these guys aren’t exactly a goldmine of quotes, Jack has one of my favorite quotes from anything, ever, and I even already referenced it above: “Three hundred and sixty-four days a year, I can't even go the the ding-dong grocery store to buy pudding! And do you know why?" The why, obviously, is the fact he has a pumpkin for a head.

Final Thoughts & Score: Frankly, this batch of Halloween hooligans is a very mixed bag. We didn’t fare quite as bad as Charlie Brown did on Halloween, but we only got one King Size candy bar out of this lot.

I guess let’s just start with the black licorice of the bunch: Fright Knight. God, I wish I could love Fright Knight, I really do, but considering the overwhelming quality of most of Danny’s rogues gallery and just the fact this guy was totally shafted and everything set up for him was ignored there’s just no excusing how lame this guy looks, Michael Dorn or no. He has a great design and a cool concept, and the ideas for interesting stories with him were there, but he ends up being a 3/10, saved only by his cool first outing, great voice work, and awesome design.

Worse still is the pile of weirdly flavored candy corn that is the Pumpkinator. He has a cool design, but he’s not much of an antagonist to be honest. He’s just a cool-looking robot who wants to blow up the planet. That’s about it. There’s really not much to say about this guy, and his only other appearance doesn’t really add much. I suppose he serves his purpose, but I have to wonder, why even bring him back if he wasn’t going to do anything remotely interesting? I don’t like generic doomsday villains at the best of times, but if you’re gonna bring one back, at least try and do something interesting with them to justify their existence, otherwise they’re just gonna end up getting a 2/10.

Finally, we get into the good candy! Let’s start off with the tasty marshmallow bunny we got, Bun-Bun (isn’t that more of an Easter candy? Weird). Bun—Bun is a funy, goofy, cartoonish villain, perfect for the first (and sadly, only) outing for Underfist. The fact they went above and beyond to cement him as this ludicrous mastermind who just screwed with everyone’s lives for no apparent reason other than the fact he’s a jerk is pretty funny. I don’t think he’s gonna win any Villain of the Year awards, but I think a 6/10 is good enough for this above average nuisance.

Oho, what’s this? A… candycane? Well, it’s a bit out of season, but it’s still tasty! And that’s kind of where Ron is. I do like just how unabashedly scummy he is, and there is precedent for people like him in the Toy Story universe, but I feel he takes things to a cartoonish extreme. For crying out loud, the guy has a trained iguana that acts like a dog! He feels like he belongs in a different series than this one, but again, I don’t really think that’s a bad thing, because at the very least he is funny. He gets a 7/10, a bit higher than usual just because I love how ridiculously nasty his whole scheme is. Stealing from kids, what the actual hell.

YES! A King Size candy bar! Just what I was looking for! It’s just a generic Hershey bar, but hey, that’s a lot of chocolate, so who’s complaining? And that’s Jack, he is simply put a perfect Halloween special antagonist. Most of this comes from his voice work, since Wayne Knight is a national treasure, but his backstory and concept are worth praising too. His origin story is something of a twist on the old legend of “Stingy Jack,” the origin story of the Jack-O’-Lantern appropriately enough. While obviously there are liberties, such as substituting Grim for the devil, it’s a mostly accurate retelling, something that would go over most people’s heads unless they’re really into classical folklore. Jack’s a lot of fun as a character, earning himself a nice big 8/10, only being held back from a higher score because despite being rightfully beloved by audiences, he never really had a major role again, getting a minor shout out in Big Boogey Adventure and… that’s it. I think Jack could have been a really entertaining reoccurring antagonist in the same vein as fwllow ensemble darkhorse Eris, but alas, it was not to be. Maybe if Underfist had been picked up he could have been brought back for that, but the fact is it just didn’t happen. Oh well, might as well appreciate what we got.

And that’s it for this batch of Halloween goodies. Halloween specials seem a lot less prevalent than Christmas specials, but they’re no less important or fun, and as you can see, they do produce at least mildly interesting villains, sometimes. If only they could produce a villain so devilishly Halloweenie that he could perfectly embody the spirit of the holiday…

Hey, what’s that at the bottom of the bag…

Wait… is that…

OH NO.

[nadziejastar]

An old headcanon of mine was that during the experiments Xehanort gave both Isa and Lea Keyblade inheritance ceremonies. To explain Lea's Keyblade and Isa's when he inevitably got one. I figured that if he was intending to turn them into vessels being able to wield would make them more useful in the clash. But for some reason in KH3 the Darknesses didn't have to be wielders but the Lights did.

When King Mickey stopped time, Young Xehanort began to move. Since he can control time, was he breaking the King’s spell?

Young Xehanort wasn’t using his own power at that time. The King’s magic was broken because Master Xehanort was assimilating with Young Xehanort. Only “Recusant Sigil” was added by Organization XIII.

It was when the figures started appearing in the thrones.

Indeed. Time was stopped just as Master Xehanort was materializing. So he moved his consciousness to Young Xehanort’s body. Reacting to this, King Mickey exclaimed, “Oh no. Are you…” Young Xehanort was holding a Keyblade that he originally wasn’t able to handle thanks to Master Xehanort’s power. Though the keychain on it is different, the Keyblade he takes out is Master Xehanort’s.

I see. Young Xehanort himself is still on the Destiny Islands and isn’t able to wield a Keyblade yet.

Right. Even when he appeared as an additional boss in Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep Final Mix, he wasn’t using a Keyblade.

Ya know, you raise a good point. But I’m not sure Xehanort would have even needed to perform an inheritance ceremony on his vessels. I think they automatically gain the ability to wield once they share a heart and consciousness with him. Young Xehanort could wield when Master Xehanort transferred his consciousness into him, even when he couldn’t have ordinarily.

But yeah, I had always figured that if you had a strong enough heart to be one of the Seekers of Darkness, you must have a strong enough heart to wield a Keyblade. I think all members of the New Organization XIII had the potential to wield, which is why they were able to be turned into vessels in the first place. (I’m not counting the reserve members who were only there for plot convenience). After all, Nomura said that only a strong heart is necessary, not whether it’s a good or bad heart. I think Isa definitely had the potential if he really was Subject X originally. The whole idea was that they were the sole subject who didn’t collapse.

Xigbar: Figures. If I had a Keyblade, it’d be different.

Sora: Like you’re actually worthy to use one.

Xigbar: Oh, I am worthy.

Sora: Whaddaya mean?

Xigbar: The old coot promised to bequeath me his. Why else do you think I would ever put up with all his nonsense?

Riku: It’d be wasted on you.

Xigbar: As if.

Larxene and Marluxia actually are Keybade wielders from the ancient past (though I personally doubt that was always their backstory). They had something that made them special to Xehanort, along with Luxord. I don’t think Xigbar’s words after he was defeated were originally supposed to have anything to do with Luxu. I think Braig truly knew that he had the potential.

Xigbar: All this altruism is giving me the warm and fuzzies. So the, does having a heart of light come with an extremely good insurance policy?

Sora: Just say what you mean.

Xigbar: Oh, but I did though. No good will ever come from putting other people first.

Herc: I was able to save Meg’s life because I was ready to risk my own.

Xibar: Because you’ve got friends in high places, you mean. Tricks like that don’t fly for your average joe.

Sora: What do you know? You weren’t even there! If you were, you’d admire Herc’s courage.

Xigbar: I don’t admire one guy leaping into danger if it means someone else might have to jump in to save him. You’re all just lining up to lose out. Dooming others to take the fall with ya. Oh, and you can spare me the usual party line. Yes, hearts are powerful when they’re connected. But if you put to much of that power in one place, some of those hearts might end up breaking. Still, Sora, that doesn’t mean you should change. Accept the power you’re given. Find the hearts joined to yours.

It’s the only reason why Braig even stuck around Xehanort, before he got retconned into Luxu. He just needed someone to perform the inheritance rite on him. That’s what his original deal with Xehanort was all about. I think Braig had a strong heart. He was able to retain a sense of self, even as a vessel.

I wonder if he was talking about T/A/V here. I think there was an important reason that Xigbar saw Xion’s face as Ventus. He is connected to Sora, has a heart of light, and is one of the hearts joined to Sora’s. Also after Olympus, Ven’s heart is stirred to save Aqua. She sacrificed herself for Terra.

Sora: I know the Keyblade didn’t choose me, and I don’t care. I’m proud to be a small part of something bigger–the people it did choose. My friends. They are my power!

Xigbar: Those are just words. You’ve lost. Fine. See where your power gets you here. Xemnas! He’s all yours.

Maybe that’s why Xigbar was so rattled by what Sora said here. Braig kinda sold his soul to the devil for power. But Sora was able to gain the ability to wield without having the inheritance ceremony performed on him. It made him feel like he took the dark path for nothing. I think Braig struggled the entire time with feelings of guilt over what he did. Terra, Aqua, and Ven were the first people he actually harmed. So, it makes sense he’d be haunted by Ven’s death glare and kill himself in the end.

Xemnas: However–through weakness of body…weakness of will…or weakness of trust–most of the original members we had chosen for the Organization were inadequate. Thus, naturally, they never had a chance to attain their goal. Yet, even this was to be expected.

Axel didn’t seem to be desirable as a vessel for whatever reason. He wasn’t retrieved like Isa and the others were. It just seemed like Xehanort never took a particular interest in him that way, like he did with Isa. Maybe Demyx, Xaldin, Zexion, Vexen, and Lexaeus didn’t have strong enough hearts in Xemnas’ view. I think Axel was a different case, though. He wasn’t defeated by Sora. He sacrificed himself for Sora. That puts him in a unique position regarding how Xemnas viewed him. And I think Xemnas always viewed Axel differently from the others. Lea had a very strong heart and was very strong mentally. I think Xemnas must have known that. Despite his lack of trust, he was kept around, unlike all the other traitors.

Xemnas: A heart is never lost for good. There may have been variances in our dispositions, but a number of us unquestionably showed signs of a burgeoning replacement. Once born, the heart can also be nurtured. Our experiments creating Heartless were attempts to control the mind, and convince it to renounce its sense of self. But understand, one can banish the heart from the body, but the body will try to replace it the first chance it gets, for as many times as it takes. And so I knew, even after we were divided into Heartless and Nobodies, it was just a temporary separation.

Xemnas was obviously talking about Axel here. He would definitely be the one that would first come to mind with the burgeoning replacement. I think Axel’s arc was entirely based on this idea. He lost his heart, and his relationship with Roxas and Xion was literally filling a huge void. So, Xemnas knew that Axel had a heart and maybe this is why he wasn’t ideal vessel material. He was too strong-willed and had too much sense of self. Vexen, too. I think he had a burgeoning replacement heart. I think Vexen was trying to help Sora before he was eliminated. Being in Castle Oblivion probably brought back memories for him, too. Like how when he was a human he cared about Ienzo more than anything. He felt remorse and tried to warn Sora. But in any case there’s a lot of evidence that Xemnas was fully aware that Axel had a heart.

Saïx: I passed on the message as you so desired. I told the young Sora to keep defeating the Heartless.

Xemnas: Good. Not only have you the power to inflict pain, you also have the power to plant seeds of doubt in one’s receptive heart. Sora will soon begin to doubt himself. It will cause him to hesitate and that hesitation will turn to anger. That anger will fuel him to get rid of his apprehension and move forward. He will pave the way for the future we desire.

Saïx: There’s something I’ve meant to ask.

Xemnas: About Axel? The poor fool. How long will he keep chasing the illusion of friendship, when he himself lacks emotion? Trying so hard to retrieve what he has lost, when it may never have existed in the first place. He deserves nothing more than our pity.

This is a conversation solely between Xemnas and Saïx that was added in KH2FM+. No one else is present. And Xemnas has his hood up, which is kind of a cue for hidden meanings. Not to mention, what purpose did this scene serve if its only meaning was to show that Xemnas thinks Axel is a fool? That’s kind of obvious and doesn’t need its own new scene. Saïx lowered his head when Xemnas said he has the power to plant seeds of doubt in one’s receptive heart. I think Isa’s heart was reacting more now that Axel was gone.

Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can’t bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it’s our pasts, because that’s all we have to remember the pain of losing something.

Another reason I think this scene was about Axel’s relationship with Isa is because Axel was trying to chase an illusion of friendship with him. He was trying so hard to retrieve what he lost, though it never existed in the first place. Saïx is not Isa. Then Roxas and Xion showed up. Even without a heart and emotion (at the time), Axel still longed for friendship. And he chased Roxas so hard after he left because he filled the void of what he lost.

Xaldin: To hold something dear is to let it hold you. His heart is in thrall to it, don’t you see? And that, Roxas, is ample weakness.

Roxas: I’m not sure I follow.

Xaldin: Nor should you. You have no heart to love with. Come. We return.

Xemnas knew that Axel was a great candidate to regrow a heart. And his memories of the past were what he held most dear. I think Xemnas knew what would happen if he was sent to Castle Oblivion. It would awaken his sleeping memories, and nurture his heart. Then he could be used to find Ventus.

Axel: You’re sure things are better this way?

Saïx: I never expected you to question it. If you could save one of them…why would you choose the puppet? Or put it this way. Which would you rather suffer the loss of: some make-believe friendship, or a real one? Things are finally right again. Of course we’re better off this way. Xemnas is exasperated from all the “fixing” we’ve had to do. We have to set things right. There is simply too much on the line…Lea.

My theory is that Xemnas instructed Saïx to have that conversation with Axel.

Axel: But how do you know that? Everybody thinks they’re right…

Xion: This is right.

Axel: They’re gonna destroy you!

Xion: Please don’t hold back, Axel. Promise.

Axel: What’s your problem? You both…think you can do whatever you want. Well, I’m sick of it. Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!

Xemnas was using Axel’s feelings for his own ends. He really was a pawn. Xemnas wanted Xion back because she was preventing Sora from waking up. He really needed her at that point. Saïx knew this. Xemnas knew Axel was already filled with doubt. If Saïx made him doubt even more, then that hesitation would turn to anger. And then he’d be more likely than ever to bring Xion back if she leaves again. It was the same reverse psychology Saïx used on Sora.

Saïx said things are finally right again. And Axel was angry about how everyone thinks they’re right. So, the plan did work. Xemnas was using Axel’s memories of the past and of Isa as a tool to manipulate him. To make him bring Xion back. His desire for friendship played right into Xemnas’ hands. I think Xemnas knew that Axel’s longing for friendship made him far more able to nurture a heart than most others.

Axel waited.

In the shadows of the spaces between, he waited for Sora… For Roxas.

“Traitor,” Saïx had called him. But his betrayal of Organization XIII wasn’t exactly a recent development, Axel thought with a bitter laugh.

Marluxia and Larxene conspired to steal Sora’s memories, trying to take possession of him. No one could predict what Roxas would become, the Nobody created in such an unusual manner, born in the moment when his somebody Sora became something that was not Sora. Well, no—it was possible that Xemnas had some idea. Perhaps Vexen when he tried to tell Sora about Twilight Town and those close to him. Or all six original members of the organization.

The organization could hardly be called that anyway—this ragtag bunch of Nobodies united only by their desire for hearts. It was only natural that conflicts would arise between the newcomers like Marluxia and the six founding members, what with all the quarrels among the half of them posted in Castle Oblivion.

Axel had only acted to keep Sora alive—to keep Roxas alive. But thinking back on it now, maybe all he’d done was to play right into Xemnas’s hands. Agony racked his body. Saïx had dealt him a mortal blow, or close enough.

“Hurry up, Sora…,” he muttered, lifting his face to the nonexistent sky.

Before he died in KH2, Axel suspected that he played into Xemnas’ hands. Xemnas knew that Marluxia and Larxene were traitors. He didn’t want Marluxia and Larxene to gain control of Sora. And neither did Vexen. Xemnas sent Axel to Castle Oblivion as the only person to handle the situation. He apparently knew that since Axel was growing so close to Roxas, he’d side with Sora.

Xemnas: It is clear that through his actions, however foolish they may have been, Axel has touched Sora’s heart. Perhaps HE will soon awaken.

Xemnas even thought that Axel had the power to wake Ventus. Axel faced his demise by trying to help Sora save Kairi. And Xemnas admits that touched Sora’s heart.  I also think Axel’s demise in KH2 was foreshadowing the final battle as well.

“Listen, Kairi! Trust me. I’m going to get you out!”

Behind him, the portal closed.

“What are you saying…? Vile traitor!” The great Claymore took shape at Saïx’s back.

Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow.

I don’t want to disappear… But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here.

I don’t think Sora or Xion were supposed to be there originally. Just Lea, Kairi, and Saïx. Even in KH2, Axel would rather disappear than kill his friend. I think the same would have been true in the final battle. Lea would have preferred death over actually killing Isa. He just wanted to save Kairi. Not that he actually could defeat him, though.

Axel let out a deep breath and leaped into the air as flames erupted around them.“…Pathetic!” The Claymore moved to block Axel’s strike, while Saïx himself didn’t even twitch.

This is a pretty overwhelming disadvantage, Axel thought. Well, I knew that before we started fighting. I can’t win against Saïx with my own strength.

Still, he refused to hesitate. He had to force this path open.

He wanted…to find hope—the hope that Sora and Riku had.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!”

And then the Claymore pierced Axel’s chest.

Axel wanted to see Roxas again, but he felt bad about hurting Sora and Kairi. Saïx mortally wounded him while he was trying to save Kairi, and he used the last of his life to atone for what he did. He apologized to Sora for kidnapping her, then died. But he died with sadness and regret. Roxas went back to Sora and he was all alone.

I think it was similar with Lea and Isa’s final battle. Lea and Kairi wanted to rescue Isa, but they were outmatched by Saïx, especially in his Berserk state. I think they were both at their limit and there was nothing they thought they could do to win. Kairi was down. Lea was prepared to die in that moment, protecting Kairi, since things were already hopeless anyway. He didn’t even try to defend himself. He would have died with sadness and regret, just like he did in KH2. But just as soon as the Claymore would have pierced Lea’s chest yet again…Isa stopped. It would have been a victory for Lea’s heart and he would have been extremely happy. But then Xemnas shows up. And Lea is definitely no match for him.

Xigbar: The house is looking pretty empty, huh? I thought I’d get a little enjoyment watching Axel throw one last tantrum, but he went a lot quieter than I thought.

Luxord: Perhaps he was ready for it. Perhaps he put his existence on the line and won what he’d been longing for.

Xigbar: Wait a minute. How would that even be possible? We don’t exist, remember? What you’re saying goes against the laws of nature.

Luxord: Then perhaps he bet his NON-existence. Either way, he came out a winner. Oh, Axel. A grifter to the end.

Saïx: That’s absurd. He won nothing and is nothing. He couldn’t stand the emptiness of being without a heart, and that led to his demise. He was foolish and weak.

Xemnas: But…Weakness has the power to awaken that which is dormant.

But Lea acted differently when Xemnas launched his assault compared to earlier with Isa. Lea was prepared to go more quietly. He looked Isa in the eyes as when he was about to strike. But with Xemnas, he closed his eyes and had his head down. He was just as resigned to his fate in this scene, as he was at the end of KH2. He knew the odds were against him, but took a gamble and came to the battle anyway. He knew he wasn’t a Keyblade master and had little chance of beating Isa in a battle of strength. 

And he definitely didn’t have the strength to defeat Xemnas. But he had proof that Isa’s heart remembered him, and still cared for him. He put his existence on the line and won what he had been longing for. He came out a winner, and was ready for the end. He was foolish and weak. But his weakness had the power to awaken that which was dormant. Though Xemnas wasn’t anticipating it that time, obviously. For that scene, I think Isa’s heart being awakened made more sense and was foreshadowed FAR more than anything else.

[they-did-what-to-allura]

My letter for the @justice-for-allura project. Posting mostly to remind anybody who might be lurking that this is a thing, and it’s a cool thing. If you feel bad bout how Allura’s story went down and wanna make your points known, this is a great opportunity for it.

Edit: Changed some things, fixed a couple typos and reworded some points for clarification.

To the Voltron Team, DreamWorks, to Any and All Involved with the Decision to Kill Off Allura,

Let me begin by thanking the team for giving us this iteration of Allura to begin with. She is a beloved character to many fans. If she wasn’t such a great character, there wouldn’t be so many of us upset about the way her story ended. So, thank you for Allura. She was an amazing character with interesting layers of personality and a delightful design.

In this letter I will explain not only why I was personally disheartened by her death, but also why I believe it was a poor choice to make in terms of writing and the larger narrative.

On the personal end, I related very much to Allura. I empathize with the trauma of losing loved ones and it was cathartic for me to see a character lose so much, but not be defined by that loss. A character who retained a multifaceted personality that included a playful streak, a love of sparkly things, a sense of justice, and abundant courage. She is not reduced to her loss even though it impacts her journey as a character.

Allura’s struggle with Alfor’s corrupted AI also deeply resonated with me. While this is coming from a rather abstract point, it reminds me of my own struggle with a father who is an addict. Allura had to let Alfor’s AI go in spite of how painful it was, in spite of the better memories haunting her every step of the way. The possibility I will have to let my own father go is a very real one because he has made it clear he will never change. His addiction has effectively corrupted our relationship and fed into my own stints with substance abuse. This will be an unspeakably painful decision for me and we have many happier memories that reel through my mind every moment I even contemplate making it.

To relate to a character, to be inspired by a character and her persistence, and then watch her die…really blows. My stomach sank. I felt like crap. I felt even crappier upon hearing that my friend’s nine year old niece sobbed when she watched the ending. I doubt we related to Allura for the same reasons, but I do know that Allura was her favorite character. So with that, I’ll get into the less personal and more objective reasons as to why I feel Allura’s death was a horrible decision.

Firstly, VLD is geared toward younger audiences. I know VLD has a notable periphery demographic, with many older teens and adults such as myself watching and being in the fandom. I know sometimes this periphery demographic can be louder than the intended audience, which I can only assume is children due to the toys and easy-read supplemental materials. VLD has a Y-7 rating, so even if the volume of the periphery demographic drowns out that of the intended, the rating alone demonstrates that this is a show that’s at the least meant to be accessible to children.

Children are impressionable. Representation is important for people of all ages, of course, but it is especially important to children. Kids connect more easily to media where they can see themselves and for the good or the ill, fictional characters can be role models for children.

Allura was a non-white female leader, described in-universe as the “Heart of Voltron.” That’s amazing! That’s truly rare. It’s sad that it’s rare. It’s 2019 and there should be a plethora of non-white female protagonists for young girls of color to look up to. But there aren’t.

Allura was fantastic representation for young girls of color. Representation they hardly ever get. I cannot see a single good reason to take that representation away from them. In fact, it seems downright mean to take that away from them. I do not want the excuse that the staff weren’t aware of the importance of representation, either. You can’t promote the show with official art like this:

  …and claim you’re unaware of how important representation is. Particularly for children, for whom this show was rated as being appropriate for.

I do not feel the excuse that this show was about war is reasonable either. Yes, in real life, war is painful. Lives are lost indiscriminately. This was one of the justifications cited for Adam’s death when VLD was criticized for portraying the “Bury Your Gays” trope. However, VLD had already made it clear that war had costs. The Arusian village was destroyed purposely to bait the team. Several Blades of Marmora lost their lives aiding the team. The costs of war were very clear early on in the show. Allura certainly didn’t have to die to reinforce a theme that had already been reinforced several times prior.

On that note, it is very telling that an apology letter was sent for the death of a character who had all of two minutes of screen time, but not for Allura, a major protagonist.

Many people are offended by Allura’s death, feeling that it is racist and sexist. I do not want to believe that Allura’s death was intended to be either of these things. However, there are serious unfortunate implications in killing off your only WoC in the main cast that cannot be ignored. VLD is fictional but it exists in a real world, where real people are impacted by these issues.

While Allura’s death ultimately feels disrespectful given what she represented and its sheer pointlessness in the story, I see attempts at respect in its overall framing. Allura is revered as a hero. There is a statue built in her honor. She has a legacy. These are things that generally shape the celebration of a fallen hero. But even within the framing, there are mixed signals. Most notably, her loved ones take cheery selfies in font of her monument. In my personal opinion, that is the antithesis to an attempted respectful tone.

And I specifically use the word ‘attempted’ because despite the framing, Allura’s death does not actually come across as respectful in the least. It is crammed into the last nine minutes of the final episode. It is immediately followed by a flash forward to the future. Neither the characters nor the audience have time to mourn her. I do not want to hear the excuse that Allura’s death isn’t offensive because “she died as a hero.” Simply because something may be framed to be respectful doesn’t mean it actually is. The poor execution of that attempted framing itself is one of the lesser of many harmful messages sent by the decision to kill Allura off.

In a world where representation is important, an importance that is acknowledged by the staff, somehow someone still came to the conclusion that Allura’s narrative should end in death. Intent aside, her death falls into the “Disposable Woman” cliche, and is especially gutting because she is a WoC. I cannot reiterate how rare it is to see characters like Allura, non-white women that serve as major protagonists.

Allura suffered unduly throughout the series. She lost an entire planet, her family, her home, her title, and eventually her life. She was always a giving character. She was willing to sacrifice herself to save the Balmera as early as season one. It is noble of her to have that kind of dedication, I’m not saying it isn’t. But girls are socialized to sacrifice their happiness for others, it is a message they internalize at multiple levels.

Girls are socialized to put others before themselves and to sacrifice, and this expectation is especially pressing for girls of color. The SBW (Strong Black Woman) stereotype is a notably prevalent one because of the expectation placed on black women specifically to always be strong and constantly put their own needs last. While Allura is an alien, she is in-universe a minority post Altea’s destruction and IRL, redesigned to be non-white. And many fans, including myself, do see her as specifically black-coded because of her skin tone, hair texture, and having Kimberly Brooks as her voice actress.

A hopeful ending for any character who sacrificed as much as Allura would be one where that character is rewarded for their sacrifice. Where they’re able to find happiness on the other end. Where the audience feels payoff because a character we’ve seen give for so long finally gets. Where the audience feels fulfilled because a character we’ve seen grieve and grieve finally gets to breathe. For kids to see a non-white female character get this kind of ending isn’t only hopeful, but important. Girls— especially girls of color —should be shown that they don’t have to give up everything. Boys should also be shown these narratives, because they shouldn’t internalize the expectation of the girls and women in their lives to constantly sacrifice.

Allura’s sacrifice stands out as particularly glaring when we take into account that teamwork was supposedly one of VLD’s major themes. In a show entitled Voltron: Legendary Defender, wherein the titular robot must be formed by a team, it seems very out of place that it was up to one person to save the day. What was the point of the team bonding with each other, and with the lions, if all of that was going to be rendered useless in the battle that mattered the most?

None of the main characters we’d been led to believe loved each other made any real attempt to find another solution through teamwork. They more or less accepted Allura’s sacrifice at face value even though she was supposedly important to them. The paladins offered some minimal protest, then each gave Allura a hug and just watched her walk to her death. In addition to undercutting the theme of teamwork in the show, it just felt very strange to watch. I didn’t feel like I was watching a team who fought side-by-side at all. These characters felt less connected to each other than they did during the first season and at this point, supposedly they’ve fought side-by-side for years.

Not only did Allura’s lone sacrifice seem to undercut the theme of teamwork, but it just seemed incongruent to the atmosphere of the series. While loss was depicted and prevalent in VLD, nothing ever indicated that it would be a tragedy. Watching Allura’s death play out feels like watching a show that forgot what genre it was supposed to be. The emotional beats aren’t the right ones.

We feel no payoff from her death because it didn’t accomplish anything of value in the narrative. Allura had something to live for after the war, her newfound family and love interest. She didn’t have anything to atone for, unlike Honerva. At best (and I really mean at best here) one could argue that her death contributed to Lance’s development because he spends his life spreading her message after the fact. However, many viewers understandably perceived this as a demotion for Lance with its own set of unfortunate implications. Even if that was the case— which itself feels like grasping at straws for some kind of explanation —I shouldn’t have to point out why it’s extremely problematic for a female character to be killed for her love interest’s development.

Allura’s death felt as pointless as it did out of place. It felt unsatisfying and frankly, just like someone in the writer’s room wanted to be Edgy™ for the sake of it. It also felt particularly mean coming from a team who acknowledged how important representation was to its viewers and who used representation as a promotion point.

VLD is over. That is clear. I do not write this with the intent to get the “real ending” or anything of the like. I write this to express why Allura’s death effected me personally, why I feel it has harmful messages, and why it comes across both as harsh and as poor writing.

I hope all those who were involved with this decision reflect on the feedback from the way her death was perceived, most important the feedback of the WoC in the audience. Major character death should always be handled with care, especially in children’s programs. Representation should always be handled with care, especially in children’s programs. The way Allura’s story ultimately ended feels careless at best and malicious at worst.

Signed,

An Incredibly Disappointed Viewer

[nathanneedsausername]

2018 Film Retrospective

This is my retrospective of all the movies I saw in 2018. This is based on UK release dates so films such as The Favourite, Vice or Eighth Grade will not appear on this list despite technically being 2018 movies as I have not yet been able to see these yet. There are also many movies that I have missed in 2018.

I will still be updating this list throughout 2019 here: https://letterboxd.com/nathan_r_l/list/2018-from-best-to-worst-3/

If you want to see where these movies fall on this list as I see them.

So, anyway here from the worst of the year to my personal favourite are all the films I saw in 2018:

 37. The Queen and I (Dan Zeff):

I only saw this film a few days ago as of writing so it may seem a little harsh to call it the worst of the year as it hasn’t had any time to grow on me yet. Although I don’t see this getting any better with age. Sky intended this new David Walliams’s TV movie as a sort of Christmas present, but this must be one of the very few films I have ever seen that has actually made me angry. Nothing more than royalist propaganda that manages to completely miss the potential of the concept as well as missing the point of the sequence from Les Miserable that it decides to “pay homage too”.

36. Death on the Tyne (Ed Bye):

Not much to say here. Really it isn’t a surprise that UKTV made a bad comedy.

35. Fahrenheit 451 (Ramin Bahrani):

I promise that I saw more than just TV movies this year, it just so happens that most of them were really bad. All of the changes that were added to the story were stupid and when they actually tell the story it is painfully boring.

34. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (J. A. Bayona):

Let’s be real, despite ranging in quality none of the Jurassic Park sequels have warranted their own existence. That being said Fallen Kingdom might be worth watching just to see how hilariously bad these films can get. Despite having the same director as The Orphanage and A Monster Calls no amount of good tracking shots can fix a script that is this ridiculous. The script comes across like two different ideas for new Jurassic Park movies were awkwardly stitched together when the best treatment for both would have been not to make either of them. Through in an incredibly stupid and unneeded twist and the most underwhelming Jeff Goldblum cameo in cinema history.

33. Grandpa’s Great Escape (Elliot Hegarty):

Oh, look another bad TV movie. Davis Walliams consistently finds himself attached to these boring BBC productions never quite capture the heart and care of his writing. Walliams is a good children’s author, but the small screen adaptations of his work always feel rushed and unfocused.

32. Venom (Ruben Fleischer):

The biggest disappointment of 2018. Venom is corny, bland and forgettable. According to IMDB, Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer is behind this mess but judging by Tom Hardy’s performance and the incomprehensible CGI finale no-one directed this.

31. Solo: A Star Wars Story (Ron Howard):

A soulless, lifeless film that stinks of studio interference. All of the cast feel as if they are just playing the type of character they are expected to (especially  Phoebe Waller-Bridge as L3-37). There are moments in this film where it feels like there is supposed to be a joke that has awkwardly been edited or written out after Lord and Miller left the project, these moments haunt the film and make me feel like this could have been great, but alas. 

30. Death Wish (Eli Roth):

At this point it might be time to consider that Eli Roth might be making bad movies on purpose. I went into Death Wish expecting something needlessly graphic and entertainingly violent and stupid but that’s not what this is. For the most part the gun violence in this film is pretty tame and the dialogue is far to generic and boring to be funny. There is one scene in a garage that showcases what usually makes Roth’s films memorable, but it comes too late to bring this movie into guilty pleasure territory. I do believe that Roth is a good filmmaker but the more he releases these mindless, generic thrillers the harder it is to defend him.

29. The Meg (Jon Turteltaub):

Half of this movie is a self-aware special effects movie that is genuinely entertaining. The other half is a boring and cliché. It should be good but never quite manages to keep up any momentum that it builds.

28. Tomb Raider (Roar Uthaug):

Technically better than the 2001 Lara Croft film although I know which one I would rather watch. Some interesting set pieces and homages to the newer tomb Raider games mixed with bland dialogue and an uninteresting plot.

27. Deadpool 2 (David Leitch):

Not as funny as the first movie but has better action. Deadpool 2 is mixed bag, the satire falls short when the movie insists on upping the stakes and having its audience feel emotionally connected to the story. David Leitch is a good action director and I look forward to seeing what he does next, but I can’t say that I’m all to exited about the next instalments in the Deadpool franchise.

26. Tag (Jeff Tomsic):

I don’t think that this film deserves the hate it seems to have gotten. Tag is a pretty funny movie with memorable characters and good camera work. It’s a little corny and the ending gets way to soppy but it’s a good film to watch with a group of friends if not just for some good Hannibal Buress quotes.

25. Click & Collect (Ben Palmer):

Hey, a TV movie that didn’t suck! Airing on BBC 1 on Christmas Eve this is an example of cringe comedy done well, the plot doesn’t always make sense but that doesn’t stop the comedy from really working.

24. Outlaw King (David Mackenzie):

A pretty good historical drama about Robert the Bruce. That’s all this is really a serviceable movie about an interesting topic. Not bad by any means all though a little forgettable, the performances and fight choreography are great but the writing lacks any real direction.

23. Aquaman (James Wan):

A list of other movies scenes from Aquaman made me think of:

Ratatouille

Splash

Raiders of the Lost Arc

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Black Panther

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Wonder Woman

Full review coming next

22. Ant-Man and the Wasp (Peyton Reed):

Not as funny or engaging as 2015’s Ant-Man. This is a decent blockbuster with some good special effects and funny moments. A lower tier Marvel film for sure that gets completely overshadowed by the other two movies that the studio brought out in 2018 but still a fun watch.

21. Ocean’s Eight (Gary Ross):

About as good as Ocean’s 13. All of the hallmarks of the Ocean’s trilogy are present. The last 15 minuets begin to over explain what we have already seen and the name of the movie spoils and reveal at the end of the movie. A well-directed heist movie none-the-less that should be enjoyable for any Ocean’s fan

20. Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg):

This movie is at its best when it is at its most Spielberg. There is a really great car chase and a plot that revolves around kids standing against authority. It goes on for way to long and some of the references are on the nose. It certainly needs to be cut down but it’s a movie worth seeing if you know your pop-culture.

19. Searching (Aneesh Chaganty):

By far the best example of found-footage to be released in years. Having the entire film appear from the perspective of computer screens and phone calls makes the experience feel far more real and personal as if you are right there figuring out the mystery with the character. The story itself separated from its gimmick has been seen before and the twist is a bit of a reach but with its unique style it feels completely fresh. If you hated Unfriended there is a high chance that you will love this.

18. My Dinner with Hervé (Sacha Gervasi):

A HBO movie featuring a fantastic performance from Peter Dinklage. The life story of French actor Hervé Villechaize is told through a crazy interview based on the one that the actor had with the director in the early 90’s. It’s a small film but one that has been made with a lot of passion from its director and star. Absolutely look this one out if you can.

17. Isle of Dogs (Wes Anderson):

Wes Anderson is responsible for some of my favourite films of all time. While his latest may not be his best work to date it is a beautiful and insanely well-crafted film full of life and wonder. Anderson has a particular style and this movie sums up exactly what makes that style work so well with every shot working perfectly.

16. Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (David Slade):

It’s hard to tell at this point whether or not this will start a new craze for choose your own adventure movies the way that Avatar started a craze for 3D. Honestly I don’t think Charlie Brooker has left anywhere to really be explored with the this concept as he dives head first into a meta-narrative all about free-will. Certainly, an ambitious endeavour for the crew of Black Mirror that has taken over the cinematic discussion for a little while. I saw this with a group of friends trying to uncover as much of the story as we could in one sitting and I highly recommend that experience if you haven’t seen/played this yet.

15. Black Panther (Ryan Coogler): 

A Marvel movie that appears to have nudged its way into Oscar conversations, regardless of whether or not I think that it deserves that acclaim this is a great film. Black Panther has some of the smartest writing of any MCU movie and one of the best villains to ever appear in a superhero movie. This is a film that will be talked about for years because of what it means for representation, it also helps that it is a really good movie.

14. Game Night (John Francis, Jonathan M. Goldstein):

The biggest surprise of the year is that the two guys behind 2015’s awful Vacation reboot managed to make one of the funniest and well-made comedies of 2018. The camerawork in this film is brilliant, one long take in particular has to be one of my favourite scenes of the year. The plot takes some logical jumps but who cares when the film is this good.

13. A Quiet Place (John Kransinski):

Sure, it doesn’t all make sense when you analyse it but watching A Quiet Place on the big screen is one of the tensest experiences I have ever had. When the credits rolled after the first time I saw this film I noticed that for the past 90 minuets, that’s the sign of some effective tension.

12. First Man (Damien Chazelle):

Chazelle has proven himself to be one of the best directors working today. While I may not love his latest as much as his previous work on La La Land and Whiplash it has to be said that First Man is a solid base hit for a great filmmaker. The third act of this film features some of the best special effects of the year mixed with one of the most emotional sequences of the year. Gosling and Foy are both brilliant and both deserve nominations as does Chazelle.

11. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (Martin McDonagh):

Slightly twisted and very enjoyable Three Billboards is a strange film. McDonagh is able to find humour in the darkest of places but never undermines the serious nature of the subject matter.

10. Incredibles 2 (Brad Bird):

Going into the top 10 it feels important to restate that these rankings are based purely on my own personal opinions on each film. Incredibles 2 is objectively not as good as the 2004 original, but it doesn’t have to be, this is a very fun movie featuring some great animation, fantastically directed action sequences that only Brad Bird could pull off and do I even have to mention the Jack-Jack scenes? Brad Bird is one of the greatest filmmakers to ever work in animation and this feels like his victory lap, not his best film but absolutely one that showcases just how great he is.

9. The Shape of Water (Guillermo del Toro):

Best picture winner, The Shape of Water deserves all the acclaim that it has gotten. This “adult fairy-tale” features a wonderful score, fantastic performances, beautiful set-design and characteristically excellent direction from one of the world’s greatest directors! Everyone has already lumped praise on this film and so I am not left with too much else to say other than see this film.

8. The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling (Judd Apatow):

I hear that 2018 was a great year for documentaries, I wouldn't know because I only saw this one but if Three Identical Strangers and Won’t you be my Neighbour are better than this then I need to see them. Judd Apatow looks into the life of his friend and fellow comedian Garry Shandling only 2 years after his tragic death. His approach leaves no stone unturned as he dives head first into the late comedian’s mind using his own diaries and interviews with his closest friends and collaborators. As a stand-up comedy fan it is absolutely fascinating to get a look the real life of an often misunderstood legend like Shandling for it to be as neatly put together and wonderfully entertaining as this is a welcome bonus.

7. Avengers: Infinity War (Joe Russo, Anthony Russo):

For the technical achievement alone Infinity War deserves a place in my top 10. The Russo brothers managed to pull off a stunt that just a year ago I was ready to call impossible, bringing together 10 years worth of character arcs and plot points while still making an enjoyable film. Even though it has been 9 months I still don’t know what to say about this film and my lack of words may be the best compliment I can give it.

6. Mission: Impossible – Fallout (Christopher McQuarrie):

If you asked me in June I would have said that the Mission: Impossible franchise had peaked with Brad Bird’s Ghost Protocol in 2014, I also would have been dead wrong. Fallout is not just the best film in the franchise but an absolute high point in action cinema. Seeing this on the big screen was one of the most visceral and intense movie going experiences I have ever had, every stunt is a nail-biter and the whole time I was on the edge of my seat.   

5. Thoroughbreds (Cory Finley):

This is the movie that I saw alone and have yet to properly have a conversation with someone about. This film slipped under almost everyone’s radar and then disappeared. I am telling you now find this movie it is a fantastic, quaint little film with the power to make you uncomfortable and make you laugh at the same time. Olivia Cooke and Anya Taylor Joy are both brilliant and the ending has one of my best moments of the year with a single long shot and the power of suggestion. If you missed it, which you probably did, go look it out. 

4. BlacKkKlansman (Spike Lee):

Loud, funny, unapologetic, stylish and controversial. Those are the five words that describe all of Spike Lee’s best movies and BlacKkKlansman is no exception. With multiple Oscar worthy performances, a great score and a screenplay that shows Spike at his angriest and smartest in a long time, this film will get under some peoples skin, as great cinema should. 

3. I, Toyna (Craig Gillespie):

Every now and then a movie comes along that perfectly sums up why I love this art form, I Tonya is one of those movies. Deeply impactfull on an emotional level while remaining hyper stylised, Gillespie manages to make the audience feel sympathy for characters that would be the villains in any other story by taking you on an emotional roller coaster through the life of Tonya Harding that leaves the viewer feeling just as broken as the titular character by the conclusion.

This film is so good I watched it twice in two days.

2. Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig):

I fell hard for this film. Greta Gerwig’s painfully honest look at growing up feels like watching a selection of incredibly well shot home movies from a real person. The real achievement of Gerwig’s directorial debut is how it manages to feel relatable even if you aren’t in the same situation as the protagonist. When the credits role it’s hard to feel slightly disappointed that you can’t keep watching what is going to happen to this character next and when the only criticism you have is that you didn't want it to end, the film must have been pretty good.

1. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman):

I’m just as surprised as you are.

Somehow and for whatever reason this is the movie that resonated with me the most in 2018, this is the film I see myself going back to the most. Sometimes the best film is the most entertaining one, this film had me hooked instantly and kept me in a near trance-like state during its run-time. In don’t have anything to profound to say about this film it’s just really a great film that everyone can enjoy. If this is still playing near you and you haven’t seen it yet, go check it out you won’t be disappointed.

[charity-angel]

Dancing in the Stars - The Dancers Awaken (8/8)

[Part 1]   [Part 7]

(Read on AO3)

It amused Padmé that her husband slept like the dead when he was in her bed. She knew it was because it was the only place he felt safe and secure, and he would only be woken by his comm, or if the Force alerted him to any danger. Her stirring didn’t bother him in the slightest.

As she rose and began to brush out her hair, her mind turned to the previous evening. She had been pleasantly surprised by how the Jedi and their men had comported themselves: a Senate function was certainly not the natural habitat of a clone soldier, nor Anakin or Ahsoka’s. Obi-Wan, she had expected to manage, but the others had little patience for that kind of nonsense.

What she had been most surprised by was that Anakin had danced. He wasn’t as proficient as most Jedi, but anything was a vast improvement. He hadn’t even danced at their wedding! She had forced him to confess once they had arrived home, and discovered the truth: that he had confessed his failing to Rex, and he had taken it upon himself to teach his general.

Padmé was certain that Anakin wouldn’t have told Rex the precise reason that he had wanted this – to be able to have his first dance with his wife – but it had been plainly obvious to her that everyone was aware of the existence of a relationship, and were helping to conceal it. Anakin was not a subtle man, and it sometimes frustrated her that he was so obvious in his affection for her. (Not that she objected to the affection, of course: just Anakin’s overly-enthusiastic expression of it at inappropriate times.) Padmé already held a great deal of affection for Anakin’s aliit , but seeing how they all worked to keep hers and Anakin’s secret had secured their places in her heart.

She just wondered when he would realise what they had done for him.

His hands swept over her shoulders gently. She hadn’t heard him rise, or pad across the thick carpet, but that wasn’t unusual. Nor was this part of their morning routine, and Padmé adored it. She looked forward to being able to have this every day, once the war was over, once the vod'e were safe, once Ahsoka’s apprenticeship was over.

The cooler tips of his right fingers brushed her hand, and she relinquished the hairbrush readily. His left hand – the one that was warm and alive and he could feel, ran through her hair as he pulled the brush through, untangling and smoothing with practiced strokes.

“I had a wonderful time last night,” she said.

“Before or after we got home?” he asked, his voice warm and full of promise.

Ah, the male ego: such a fragile thing, and Anakin’s particularly so. She decided not to tease him as she might otherwise have done.

“Both, actually. It was lovely to dance with you at last.”

“Even though I was terrible?” His voice was laced with self-depreciation, the shadow of that ego haunting him. The brush faltered in its otherwise steady rhythm

“You did just fine, Ani,” she assured him. “You might not be up to Rex’s standard, but most of the senators weren’t either. You danced better than some of my colleagues, and even if you hadn’t, it was still you.”

“It was nice, wasn’t it?” he admitted. “Even though it took so long to actually get near you. It felt like a conspi…”

Ah, there it was: the moment of realisation. The brush stopped, and Anakin spoke in Huttese for so long that Padmé turned around, concerned. The shock would be comical if he weren’t still spluttering in his native tongue.

“Ani?”

“They… They all know? They were…”

“They were protecting us, from what I could tell,” she said gently, reaching for his hands. “Your vod'e, your aliit, looked out for you.”

“But…”

“Ani, darling, I get the impression that it wasn’t exactly a revelation to them. They have kept our secret for some time.”

He sat down heavily on the bed as it sank in.

“I… We really don’t have to hide from them?”

There was so much hope in his voice: she knew that all he wanted to do was proclaim their love from the rooftops. That was still a bad idea, but for this group?

“No, we don’t. I can finally agree with Ahsoka about your snoring.”

He spluttered indignantly. “I don’t snore!”

She gave him a little smile and patted his knee. “No, of course you don’t, my love.”

Anakin took that in the spirit she had intended – that she had meant the exact opposite. “I don’t. Wait, did I see Rex dance with Obi-Wan?”

.oOo.

Cody had expected to be mobbed by his men about where he and Rex had been the previous evening, and he had told them everything he had felt he could share, including his exact thoughts about the Senate in general and how he now understood why nothing ever seemed to get done.

What he had not expected was to see Rex also present in the commissary, being quizzed by his own men. Unless Rex had sneaked in very early in the morning, things hadn’t quite gone as Cody had anticipated. He had expected his friend to be at the Temple right now, in his general’s bed.

“Oh, I get it,” Fives said, his voice carrying easily. “All that time you were all locked away in the conference room: you were learning to dance.”

Cody had held his tongue about Rex’s particular talent during his recollections to his men, and he had no intention of giving the game away now.

“You got to learn in private?” he asked, keeping his voice sounding as long-suffering as possible. “I had to use the gymnasium, where everyone could see.”

“But,” Kix asked, turning on his bench so that he was addressing the question to both Rex and Cody, “did it actually go well? Did you manage to persuade the senators we’re not all sheb’palone like Fox?”

Cody glanced at Rex, who gave a minute shrug. Cody knew his vod well; knew that was him being pessimistic rather than not knowing.

“I think so,” he answered for both of them. “We’re different enough that they started talking to us like we’re individuals.”

“How many people asked about Rex’s hair?” Jesse asked, grinning.

He saw Rex roll his eyes. Obviously a fair number, in addition to those who had asked Cody.

“Quite a few.”

“How many did you tell that he’s just a freak?”

“None,” Cody said, frowning. But Rex just sighed, and Kix hit Jesse around the back of the head. Clearly he was missing some in-joke.

“Just the Chancellor,” Rex added. “Can I eat now? I’m starving.”

Cody appreciated the sentiment wholeheartedly: the food had been terrible. The inquisition broke up and all around them, vod'e ate and talked cheerfully. There was mention of the ball, and Jesse promising to scour the Net for holos, but in general, life was returning to normal.

Maybe they had made a difference to the Senate’s view on clones, and maybe they hadn’t. But last night, something had changed between Rex and General Kenobi. Cody didn’t care particularly, as long as they kept it professional in the field: he just needed to know, just in case. Things like that could affect a be’vod ability to be objective if one was captured, injured or, Force forbid it, killed.

Maybe being happy would make them be more careful? Force knew they deserved it.

.oOo.

Obi-Wan awoke with a groan. There were some things in his life that he regretted: leaving things the way they had was one of them.

He and Rex had gone out onto a balcony, away from the hubbub, and discussed things like rational adults. They had both admitted that they would very much like to end the evening at the Temple, in Obi-Wan’s bed. But it felt too rushed, too sordid, too unprofessional. Rex might not be one of Obi-Wan’s officers, but with Obi-Wan being a councillor, and Anakin’s master, there were chain of command issues that neither of them were comfortable with.

They had each been darkly amused that they had the same misgivings. And the issue of feeling ‘rushed’ was, they both admitted, patently ridiculous. They had known each other for years, respected each other, become friends even. And they both knew that they could go into battle tomorrow and not come back out.

What if that had been their one chance, and they had missed it? Had he missed his single opportunity to worship Rex the way he deserved? Because what? He was worried about how it would look to others?

The Jedi weren’t necessarily celibate, no matter what others believed. Most practiced it, but some didn’t. Qui-Gon had been the one to explain that particular concept to Obi-Wan, once he was old enough to understand (once Qui-Gon could do it without falling to pieces thinking about Tahl). He had done it mostly via the medium of throwing him at Satine and giving them the privacy to explore their connection.

Obi-Wan was an idiot. Rex had kissed him, surprisingly gently but with all the quiet purpose he brought to everything he did, and Obi-Wan had still walked away and returned to his empty, lonely quarters (Ahsoka hadn’t left by the time he did, although Anakin was long gone).

He had to rectify it: he had to give Rex everything he could, while he could. Rex deserved nothing less.

Wait, where was Ahsoka? She wasn’t in her room, and Obi-Wan didn’t remember hearing or feeling her come in at all.

Oh, just wonderful. Qui-Gon would be so proud: three generations had followed his footsteps when it came to Attachment. Hopefully she would be more subtle about it than Anakin.

.oOo.

Ahsoka had discovered that not only was it acceptable for same-sex couples to dance after a certain point in the evening, but that a lot of the senators left not long after that time. The older ones cleared out and made way for the youngsters to let loose.

Once the formality of the event started to break down, it also became okay to dance with more than one person simultaneously. Ahsoka had found herself rounding off the evening dancing with both Riyo and Lux. The band had upped the tempo, and they could move and laugh together, just enjoying the music and the company.

The three of them had traipsed back to Riyo’s rooms, giggling, and talked most of the night away (with some much more palatable alcohol flowing freely). When Lux had yawned and excused himself, Riyo had shyly asked Ahsoka, since it was so very late, would she like to stay and return to the Temple in the morning?

Since her master was no doubt in Padmé’s rooms and therefore not exactly waiting up for her, Ahsoka had accepted readily.

She awoke curled around Riyo, and basked in the warmth emanating from her friend, and the feelings of trust and security and contentment that were leeching into the Force. If this is what Anakin felt whenever he was with Padmé, it was little wonder he took every opportunity he could.

[Fluffy because-Cody-was-lonely epilogue]

[evergreen-soul]

The Distressful Allegory of Discovering my Career Path

Michelle Viloria

Purpose: Writing Sample

Introduction Class

August 22, 2017

            For the majority of my life I had always been organized and determined to achieve my goals. At a young age, I developed admirance for the way health care professionals provided help to the ailing, despite age, hierarchy or ethnicity. I was astonished that one could make an affluent living by simply caring for others and bettering their lives. Logically, my mind was set on the path of pursuing medicine. I progressed through life and my studies with a fixated goal to which i was determined to achieve. After years of diligent research on the pediatric field, I was certain on my readiness to embark on the 11 year collegiate journey required in becoming a licensed pediatrician. I was tailoring my high school classes toward a major that corresponded with my intended profession until I abruptly found myself lost in the depths of an existential cataclysm.

It was my junior year of high school. The year known for being the most stressful and nerve wracking of all four. It was the year a student was expected to be taking rigorous college prep courses, applying to colleges, studying for the SAT’s, weekly tests and essentially preparing for the rest of your life. Moreover, said student was expected to maintain a healthy diet, hygiene & social life, all while receiving a substantial amount of rest per night and being active in extracurriculars, seems simple right? Of course we can’t neglect the students parental unit, notorious for bombarding remarks about cleaning their room and doing the dishes instead of recovering the rest sacrificed to studying the night prior. Being oblivious to these upcoming adversities and due to my inherent passion and optimism for academia, I commenced my junior year with vibrant enthusiasm regarding my several AP classes. Prioritizing immense workload and tormenting deadlines over my own health, I progressed through the first semester of my junior year with poor strategies. I was receiving 3 hours of rest per night and relying on high doses of caffeine in order to surmount the subsequent school day. I found myself transitioning into academic machinery, utterly emotionless, monotone and my diet and sleep routine solely consisted of the bare minimum required to survive. I expended my remaining energy on completing each night's assigned workload and making another cup of coffee. The only ounce of self care I took part in was allowing for brief moments of rest when applicable, this left little room for outlets of enjoyment.  My loved ones became concerned for the toll that these habits would inevitably unveil. Despite their unease, I was rendered sightless in a desperate state of in denial. I insisted on fortifying an unrealistic concept of balance that i yearned for internally. Although being one I had never anticipated, the most detrimental adversity occurred in the midst of the chaos. I gradually grew distant with my faith and as a result this eliminated any remnants of hope and motivation that lingered within myself.

To no astonishment, my physical health deteriorated as i continued to advance through the year. My undeviating lack of sleep ensued a constant state of low energy by default, an unwavering lethargy and poor social skills attributed to my absence of interest or motivation for anything other than rest. I was utterly hopeless and simply striving to get through each mind numbing obstacle that prevented me from returning to the solace of my bed. I awoke every morning distressed at the sight of sunlight peering through my blinds, as this entailed another day of compliance. Eventually my daily routine became mechanical and involuntary,  everything from showering to walking to school was a hurdle, an irrational yet unbearable internal battle i wasn’t sure i could overcome yet proceeded to endure mindlessly, simply because that’s what other people did. These overwhelming daily hurdles were tasks expected of all students, this being said, i spent hours desperately contemplating why these were particularly difficult for myself to overcome. This ongoing frustration soon ingrained feelings of worthlessness, disappointment and self loathing.  Despite the daily battle of having to face the unrelenting emptiness, i proceeded to let my loved ones be oblivious to the gravity of my despair and simply attributed my disinterest and gradual distance to my substandard sleep habits. I spent each day feeding a facade that was silently eating away at me. In a bittersweet prosperity, i had succeeded. Absolutely no one, had noticed that the light in my eyes had gone out.

To contribute to these disheartening series of events, came an inconvenient epiphany. In the midst of embracing the planes of my emotional solitude, although I was unsure of how to find happiness again, I was certain that I would not find it in pursuing a profession in medicine. As an individual who has incessantly identified with habitual organization and structured goals, I had developed a fixated vision of my desired career path. Due to this adamant notion, this newly found consensus of uncertainty rendered me spiraling into a state of turmoil with utmost severity.  

As predicted, the anticipated toll  arrived as the year came to an end.  I completed the year in a spiraling nature plagued by immense confusion and a conceivable diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) along with an anxiety disorder (GAD) and Panic Disorder, which confined me to several involuntary hospitalizations and psych ward transfers.

On a much lighter note, although i cannot declare that these were in fact a misdiagnosis,  I can fortunately say that I am undergoing medication and intensive treatment in an effort to repossess my life. Can I say that i’m happy? No. Can I say that I overcame that introductory hurdle to mental illness that many never got the chance to? Yes.  Although I am admittedly not the familiar enthusiastic spirit I was prior to these events, I can confidently attest that I have learned more about myself than i ever thought possible. In the midst of the abyss that was my mental stature, and within the countless installments of disassociation and forgotten purpose, I was exposed to a significant lesson-one to which would resonate with me perpetually. Promptly, the confusion and distress that had afflicted me daily, had ceased.  Within the damaged networks of my mind, a brief yet momentous period of clarity had manifested itself into existence. I discovered the value of embracing the peace encompassed within the unknown. I became aware that directing my energy toward accomplishing set goals and desired incentives were utterly meaningless and served as merely underlying factors when seeking happiness and self fulfillment. It occurred to me for the first time in my life, that it was acceptable to not have everything figured out. Upon this awareness, a weight was instantaneously lifted from my chest. It became apparent that the path of uncertainty was to my astonishment, manifested as a more desirable condition-instead of being distressful, burdensome and therefore additional evidence of my own incompetence.  The state of not knowing was no longer a stressor nor ignorance but rather an embodiment of liberation.  

Although a catastrophic concept among asian academic culture along with my own onset beliefs, I learned that the exploration of  life’s various opportunities performed as a more beneficial and educational route than pursuing previously set fixations in order to guarantee safety. A common misconception fails to acknowledge a paradox within this unpopular design; the definite elimination of conventional walls rather than the creation of additional obstacles when striving for genuine happiness. What if in reality your safety net was in fact acting as a driftnet? A figurative prison floating through the sea of life’s vast opportunities, awaiting release within the enclosures of doubt within your mind.

There presents a great irony in how those who have lived and done more than the rest of us, are most tormented by the brief instances in which they simply did nothing at all. For the sake of preventing the influence of primary biases, I have no intentions to conceal the risks responsible for deeming this concept vastly unorthodox, even blasphemous among average scholars. Although advancing through one’s life in this manner surely entails an expensive risk, it is accompanied by invaluable wisdom. When asking an elder upon the rearmost stages of their life of their utmost regrets, the most common responses were regarding the decisions in which they never acted upon. These actions which were never fabricated into existence do not simply vanish upon loss of opportunity, they discover vitality lingering as a ghost in your conscience, haunting an individual's memory and manifesting itself as repentance. By choosing a path that promotes a greater chance of whole hearted decisions, This ensures a more accomplished livelihood.  Regrets are decreased significantly as one who exhibits fundamental control over the changes in their lives is more likely to sustain authority over their own fulfillment.  As originally theorized by psychologist  Julian B. Rotter, an internal locus of control is strongly linked to an increase in an individual's quality of life. From a brief  analysis of Rotter’s data one can begin to create an implication that undergoing a lifestyle with little regret is in fact ideal and something we should all strive for. Without risks the pursuit and purpose of finding the meaning of life itself is invalidated and essentially eradicated by those who submit to conformity. This introduced the idea that perhaps the risk is greater when choosing the safest proposal.

To conclude the distressful allegory that was discovering my career path, my goal in the next 5 years is to be nothing short of utter and unapologetic happiness. I intend to work part time for the duration of my senior year in hopes of shortly moving out following my graduation along with bidding farewell to my financial dependency along with becoming the primary guardian of my younger sister while my parents deservingly enjoy their retirement residing in the Philippines. I plan on sharing a living space with close friends in order to efficiently meet the demands of rent as a working student. I intend on beginning my collegiate experience of 2 years of community college at De Anza, with intentions of transferring to Southern California for the remaining years and graduating from a university. As much as I would have coveted for a more conventional response to this prompt, this is one that renders most true to the heart. I learned that in order to genuinely find yourself, you first have to completely lose yourself. Caution is to be expected when being exceptionally vulnerable and raw, however, the utility of adversities to your advantage results in a refining effect rather than a detrimental one. After the smoke cleared it became apparent that the debris left amidst the rubble were far more valuable than anything the storm could have initially destroyed.  Whichever direction in life this may encompass remains another glorious uncertainty that the universe grants us the good fortune of witnessing unfold. Before I found myself spiraling involuntarily, plunging directionless and simply anticipating the impact. In my newly found perception, I am choosing to free fall, releasing my inhibitions, embracing the possibilities, and in that choice- lies all the difference.

Prompt: Where do you wish to see yourself in 5 years?