#it usually takes a few read throughs and then listening to the song a bunch more times over about a two week period and maybe MAYBE then

[bluebugjay]

me: wow I really like this song, let me look up the lyrics to understand it better :)

me (stupid) after looking up the lyrics: what the fuck does this mean

[zepskies]

Wake Me Up - Part 1

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Summary: A few weeks after you and Ben celebrate your first Christmas together, Ben is returning from another mission with the Supe Affairs team. When he discovers that you’ve been taken, he’ll do whatever it takes to find you. And then, to help you heal.

AN: Welcome back to the BMD-verse! Let me tell you, I’ve had this mini series outlined for months, but now I thought it was finally time to get to it. If you’re not tired of the Break Me Down world yet, I very much hope you enjoy Wake Me Up.

**As a reminder, this story is set shortly after Love Actually, and will contain references from that three-part story. 

Song Inspo: For this whole series it’s “I Can Read Your Mind” by the Doobie Brothers. (I pretty much listened to this on repeat.)

Word Count: 5.5K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only. Starting off strong in this one: with mature themes, show level violence, angst, kidnapping, PTSD, mentions of torture (not too graphic), and character death.

💚 Wake Me Up Masterlist || Break Me Down Masterlist

Part 1: “Familiar Territory”

The start of a new year continued a steady rhythm for you and Ben. Namely, another successful mission for the Supe Affairs team.

While you were patched into the team’s communications line from the safety of your desk back at the S.A. headquarters in New York, your friends were a few states over in Denver, Colorado. They’d just arrested a supe that had been committing a series of bank robberies by literally slipping away from the police, thanks to his particular superpower.

“Somebody better get this shit off of me,” M.M. groused.

He wasn’t too happy about some questionable ooze this particular supe secreted as a defense mechanism. According to Frenchie’s research, it was the same shit that certain frogs could produce to repel predators.

“Need a good hose down, more like,” said Butcher. “You smell fuckin’ foul.”

“Like Satan’s ass crack,” Ben remarked.

You couldn’t hold back a snort of amusement.

“Let’s just get the fuck outta here,” M.M. said, his tone all surly, as per usual. You didn’t envy his plight.

“Good job, guys,” you said, to change the subject. “Now it’s just a short flight back to New York.”

“No layovers this time. I’m not being paid to rot in a fucking airport with a bunch of mouth-breathing assholes and their screaming brats,” Ben said.

Charming. You rolled your eyes, but a smile played on your lips when you imagined his taciturn face.

“Okay, your majesty. I’ll make sure it’s a nonstop flight,” you said. “I’ll be waiting for you at home.”

That last bit, you said with a hint of more behind your words. You drummed your nails on your desk and crossed your legs underneath it. A week was a long time for you and your boyfriend to be apart, and you’d been missing him.

“You better be,” Ben said. His voice was deep and cocky. He was smirking, you were sure, and you knew that he’d understood you perfectly well.

“Anybody else hearing this blatant foreplay?” Hughie quipped.

“I sense cheeks will be cracked tonight,” Frenchie muttered.

“Ugh!” you heard Annie shudder.

You knew she supported you and Ben, but you also knew that she didn’t want to hear about the gushy details. You laughed through your embarrassment. 

“Okay, guys. I’ll see you all tomorrow,” you said, before you officially signed off. 

You grabbed your purse that was stowed away in a desk drawer, fished out your cell phone, and you called Ben’s cell. He picked up on the second ring.

“Yeah?” he said. 

“I love you,” you said with a smile. “Just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

“Mhmm,” he replied. “I’ll see you soon, baby doll.”

You pouted. “Come on, say it.”

“Say what?”

You sighed. You knew he was being deliberately obtuse.

“You know exactly what,” you replied.

Part of you was upset that he didn’t say it back as often as you liked. God forbid Butcher and the others hear him express his affection for you.

But you supposed you understood that any kind of vulnerability was difficult for him, especially in front of others. As much shit as you gave him, you also knew how to pick your battles with Ben.

“I told you. I’ll see you soon,” he said.

You once again tapped your nails, on your armrest this time. After a moment, you relented.

“Okay, baby. Have a safe flight,” you said, even if you were still frowning.

When Ben hung up with you, he let out a deep sigh.

An entire week with these juvenile cocksuckers was almost too much for him to fucking take. While he often felt your presence with you on the comm line during the actual mission, and the occasional phone call on long nights in between, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t enough.

He was ready to go home.

The flight itself was fine, though dealing with civilians and the tiring experience of a long-ass flight made him even more antsy to land. Because even when they got to JFK, he still had a hired car waiting for him to drive him from the airport to get to Scarsdale, and to the apartment he shared with you. It had already been almost a year of you two living there, in a three-bedroom spanning two floors.

Ben hadn’t thought he would get used to such a small place, but it was all right. It had become his home, far more than the penthouses and party mansions ever were, at least.

When he finally got home and unlocked the front door of the apartment, he stepped into darkness. All the lights were off.

Odd, he thought. He called your name while he shut the door behind him, then flicked on the foyer light. He realized then that he hadn’t seen your car in the driveway. Were you still working? It wasn’t unlike you to get caught up with the paperwork and other logistics after a case.

After a quick look around of each room, from the kitchen to the living room, Ben knew you hadn’t come home yet. A frown marred his face.

He went upstairs and entered the bedroom next. He unclipped his wrist guards and took his gloves off first, followed by loosening the collar of his supe suit. The bed was made, untouched since this morning, he was sure.

Then he noticed the scrap of paper resting on his pillow. He picked it up, and his brows furrowed as he read.

By the time you find me, she’ll wish she was dead.

Ben called Grace Mallory first.

When she didn’t answer, he called Butcher next. Ben’s hand shook the slightest bit while holding the phone up to his ear.

“Evenin’, guv,” Butcher answered with a tired sigh. “What’s this about—”

“We have a fucking problem,” Ben growled.

Ben pushed the limits of his Mercedes Benz while driving himself to Supe Affairs.

The others met him there in a conference room, except for Grace, who was on an active case at the moment. There Hughie and Frenchie tapped into the S.A. security footage on their laptops. 

They eventually found you getting into your car in the S.A. garage, about four hours ago. Then two later, the street cameras picked you up somewhere in the Village. Ben recognized the street. 

You probably had dinner with your friend Yvette and her family, but you intended to make it home on time to meet Ben when you left around 9:00 p.m. 

You had parallel parked at a meter on the street. According to the footage, it looked quiet and empty when you headed back to your car. 

You were stopped by someone before you could get the driver’s side door open. It looked like a man’s height and build; he grabbed you by the shoulder and threw a punch you managed to dodge.

You put up a good fight, but you were eventually knocked out with what looked to be a crowbar, at first glance. When Hughie zoomed in, it was actually a black baton. Ben watched it all with a deepening frown. Anger churned in his gut and ignited his blood as he watched your unconscious body being hauled into a black SUV.

“That looks military-issued,” M.M. said, pointing at the baton that the suspect used to hit you.

Butcher nodded, and also noted the man’s fighting style. “That’s a professional.”

“He would have to be, to take her out,” M.M. said, glancing at Ben. “And the timing. They knew you were coming home. That note was personal, besides the fact that they were casing your place…they’ve probably been watching both of you, waiting for the chance to get the jump on you.”

“The question,” Butcher said, “is who the fuck would wanna tangle with Soldier Boy that badly?”   

“Shit. That’s a laundry list, isn’t it?” Hughie said. M.M.’s glance told him to shut the fuck up.

Ben was silent, but his fury was mounting. His head turned sharply to Butcher.

“Get Mallory on the line. Now,” he barked. When no one moved quick enough for him, his temper snapped at its thinly held leash.

“I said right fucking now!”

Slowly you blinked your eyes open. For a moment, you were seeing in double vision. It soon cleared up to reveal dark, damp, musty surroundings.

It smelled familiar; after that mission to find and subdue Sapphire a couple of months ago, you’d recognize a New York sewer anywhere.

Fuuucking shit, you thought with a groan. Your head was aching. You felt a trickle of blood down the side of your neck, and you found yourself in a familiar position—seated on a metal chair with your hands secured behind your back. Your restraints felt like zip ties.

“You finally with us, sweetheart?” asked a man. His voice was smooth and commanding.

“Jackson, I don’t know about this,” whispered someone else. Another man, though he sounded slightly younger, reminding you of Hughie.

“Shut the fuck up, Tommy,” Jackson snapped.

At least you had a name. He stepped into the light that came from a couple of small lanterns. One was propped on top of a bucket by the wall. The other was on a plastic fold out table that you saw a few feet beside you.

The man who stepped into your line of vision was tall, maybe around Ben’s height, if just shy of his build. He was blonde, just like his skinnier friend. They shared some notable facial features and coloring, but while Jackson’s eyes were dark brown and self-assured, the younger man’s were blue and apprehensive. If you had to guess, they looked like brothers.

“Nice digs,” you remarked, gesturing with your gaze at your surroundings.

Jackson rose a brow, crossing his arms.

“You’re taking all this pretty well,” he said. 

You huffed humorlessly.

“This isn’t exactly my first kidnapping,” you said.

He quirked his head and drew closer.   

“All right. Well, since we’re on the clock, let me tell you why you’re here,” he said. He bent down in front of you so that his face was level with yours. “I need you, sweetheart. You’re going to tell me how to bring down Soldier Boy. How to kill him. How to end him. Then maybe, I’ll let you go without gouging out those pretty eyes.”

You stared back at Jackson with an expression that didn’t change.

Then you spat in his face.

And you expected the hard, back-handed slap that made your head whip to the side. It rattled you for a moment as you caught your breath, but you recovered enough to lean back in your seat. Your eyes met Jackson’s directly after he wiped his face with his shirt. “Tommy” stood off to the side behind his partner. He’d looked away when you were hit.

You focused on the other man, Jackson. He was wearing black cargo pants to match his boots, and a belt with a gun on his hip. He carried himself like a trained killer.

“Military, government agency, or private sector?” you asked.

His head tilted. He studied you, just like you were studying him.

“None of the above really,” he said. “Not anymore.”

He walked over to the fold out table, where he grabbed a black bag and unzipped it. A flash of silver gleamed as he pulled out one sharp instrument after the next. You had to hide your apprehension, and fear that made your insides tremble.

He glanced over at you.

“Let’s get started,” he said.

Hours later, you were teetering on the edge of consciousness.

After the last hit, you spat a wad of phlegm and blood onto Jackson’s shoes. He rotated the ache out of his hand. He looked down at you through furrowed brows.

“Damn, bitch,” he said, catching his breath. “You can take a hit. I’ll give you that.” 

“My dad was a Marine, numb nuts,” you managed to reply, through labored breaths. “He used to hit harder with his open hand than all the strength in that limp-dick wrist of yours.” 

Jackson smirked. “Christ. Daddy issues, huh? Why doesn’t that surprise me.” 

You gave him a droll look. Again, to cover your fear, because you weren’t willing to give him the satisfaction of seeing it.

Angered and frustrated by that defiance, he reached down and grabbed your neck and jaw with one hand. You winced at the force of his grip, but when he started squeezing, this was the one thing that made you truly whimper. You tried not to think about the ghost of your father’s hand around your neck.

“Don’t you get it, asshole?” you gritted out while struggling for breath. “You can’t kill him. No one can. Stronger, smarter people than you have tried.” 

Moments ticked by while Jackson contemplated your words. 

Then he released you. You sucked in gulps of air and tried not to cough out a lung.

“Maybe,” he said. “But Soldier Boy’s got a weakness. If anyone knows it, I’ve got a feeling it’s you.” 

You can’t say anything. You can’t, you can’t, you can’t. 

That had been your mantra for every minute you had spent in this hole. You shook your head.

“Look, Jackson.” You sucked in another breath to steady yourself, and blink a drip of blood out of your eyes. “He’s going to kill you. You and your brother. Take your family and run, while you’ve still got a chance.” 

“…You know what? You’re probably right,” Jackson said, scratching the back of his head with his crimson-stained hand. “But I just realized something.”

He leaned down again, until he was level with your face.

“When he finds you, drowned in your own goddamn blood…I think the look on his face might just be enough for me.”

Your eyes widened. 

It took days. Three painful days to pick up the threads, which led closer to home than anyone could’ve anticipated. 

Grace Mallory put pressure across the chain of command, and even reached out to the FBI for assistance. An alert email finally came to her phone, and she realized that an agent on her own payroll had been flagged for never reporting back for his debriefing on a reconnaissance mission.

That agent was Jackson Rawlins.

The further she read into his file, the worse her frown became. She immediately sent the lead to Ben, Butcher, and the rest of the team to run down. For the first time in years, Grace actually prayed.

She prayed that they would reach you in time. It wasn’t until then that she realized it; she hadn’t thought of you as a cog in her system for some time now—not even as leverage against Soldier Boy. She was genuinely concerned about you.

Grace worried that she was setting herself up for disappointment…if it was too late. However, she also worried about what would happen if you didn’t survive. She considered how Ben might react, with that nuclear power within him that he was still learning to control. The consequences of this mission could very well be catastrophic. 

You were losing track of time in this windowless pit. You knew it had been days, but you didn’t remember how many. The cellar was cold, and the way sound and air traveled, it felt like you were underground. It certainly smelled like it—damp and gross. It made you certain this was a sewer.

Now this is Satan’s ass crack, you thought. You winced at the pain that radiated…pretty much everywhere. Blood had dried from various lacerations across your face, neck, chest, and arms, and bruises were dark against your skin.

Your blouse was in tatters, and your jeans had bleeding rips as well, though at least he’d kept your ankle boots on. You were too weak even for hunger. And a large, heavy chain attached to manacles on your wrists had replaced the zip ties. One end of the chain was fastened between the wall and a line of plumbing.

Footsteps echoed down the hall behind you. You closed your eyes and steeled yourself.

“Are we actually gonna have a conversation today?” Jackson asked.

“Depends,” you replied, your voice dry and coarse. “Are you going to tell me why you hate Ben so much?”

An angry sigh escaped Jackson’s lips. He pointed up in frustration.

“Ben.” Jackson rolled and cracked his neck, like just the mention of your boyfriend’s real name was disgusting to this man.

“You talk about him like he’s a real fucking person. Not like the animal supe he is,” he said.

“He is a person,” you said, both in exhaustion, and in pain. “And he’s trying to be better. Look, he’s done terrible things. I’m not saying he hasn’t. I don’t know what he’s done to you in the past, but—”

Jackson shut you up with a sharp backhand. It made black spots encroach on your vision as you caught your breath.

You noticed his brother Tom come in the room as well, to watch and worry. He didn’t seem comfortable with this way of things. He looked like a civilian. Maybe you could use that to your advantage…

But you lost track of thought after that, when Jackson started in on you with either his hands, or the creativity of the instruments on the table nearby. 

You tried to block out the pain, along with his questions about Ben. If you couldn’t talk about him, you couldn’t let yourself think about him. So you couldn’t say anything.

Not about the Novichok nerve agent, one of the few things that had been found to incapacitate him. Not his imprisonment by Vought or the S.A.—nothing that your captor could one day use against Ben.

You can’t. You can’t. You can’t.

Even though all you wanted right now was him. 

Ben, please…

You zoned in and out of consciousness from there.

When you next registered being awake, mercifully, you were left alone. You raised your head when Tom came to blot at least some of your wounds and give you water. You’d only eaten small pieces of protein bars for days. 

“I’m sorry,” Tom whispered.

“Why does he want Ben?” you wheezed. “Why are you going along with this if you’re so damn sorry?”

Tom looked up at you with pain and grief in his blue eyes. He sighed and dragged a nearby chair from the table. He sat beside you while he fed you half a protein bar. It was a struggle to even get the pieces down.

“Last year,” said Tom, clearing his throat. “I lived in the building that Soldier Boy blew up when he got back from…wherever the Russians had him.”

Your eyes widened as you processed that. “You…but you made it out. Why—”

“I wasn’t home. I was at work,” Tom said. His voice was pained as his eyes became red and glassy. “Our mom wasn’t so lucky.”

You sighed, closing your eyes.

“She was retired, and I was taking care of her,” Tom said. He wiped at his eyes and sniffed. “Jackson wasn’t here. He was on a mission in Colombia. Told me he was cleaning up some cartel shit.”

At that, you had a sneaking suspicion that coiled in your gut. Ben had left a bit of a mess when he peaced out of Colombia, with an entire plane filled with drugs and weapons from whatever cartel he’d infiltrated. (In his words, he’d cut the head off the snake.)

Grace told you she’d sent a team in to handle that mess…

“Your brother—who does he work for?” you asked. Though you had a feeling you knew the answer.

Tom seemed to read your understanding, and his face turned grim.

“The CIA,” he said.

Fuck, you grimaced. So not only had Ben been responsible for their mother’s death, but Jackson had been part of the team that cleaned up his mess in South America. It explained why Jackson was somehow able to find your information; Supe Affairs had become a subsect of the CIA, thanks to Grace. 

“I didn’t know he was planning this. I swear to God. All he said was that he had a way to get at Soldier Boy,” Tom said. You let out a deep breath.

“I’m sorry for your loss. I really am,” you said. Tears welled up hot in your eyes. “But you need to let me go. For your own safety, believe me.”

You saw the guilt, the sadness, the regret on Tom’s face. The brief indecision was overtaken when he glanced down the hall. You knew then that he was more afraid of his own brother than he was willing to do the right thing.

Your tears spilled over, though you tried to breathe through it. You’d tried to save them for when you were alone, those seldom few, cold hours, but you were reaching your breaking point.

“Okay, before I go, do you have to use the bathroom?” Tom asked. There was a bucket in the corner, and Jackson preferred it away from the chair. It was the only time Tom was allowed to unchain you from the wall and let you stretch your legs.

Letting out an exhausted sigh, you nodded in agreement. It was humiliating to know you were going to have to do this yet again, in a bucket, with company. With the manacles still on your wrists, he brought you over to the “special” corner.

Tom sighed and looked away to give you some semblance of privacy.

That was when you used every scrap of energy you had left in you.

You grabbed the chain and yanked it out of his hands long enough to wrap it around his neck from behind. You cut off his sounds of strain and kicked out his knees, so he was forced to kneel on the ground.

You wrapped the rest of the chain around your thigh, giving you the leverage you needed to tighten your grip and choke him out, until he was unconscious. His body fell to the side, and you heaved for breath. Once again, there were black spots in your vision, but you did your best to blink them away.

Now set with determination, you made your way to the plastic table and searched for the key to your chains. After the manacles were unlocked, you rubbed at your raw wrists and rapidly scanned the room. Adrenaline pumped through your veins as you calculated which way you should go to try and escape.

There were three possibilities in this clearing under the sewer: left, right, or straight ahead. Every time Tom or Jackson emerged, it sounded like it was behind you. The chair was facing to the east, which meant you had to take the left tunnel.

You ran in that direction and tried to find a metal ladder that would take you to whatever manhole cover these guys had detached. Someone couldn’t just open up any of those iron plates without the right tools, from the inside or the outside.

You walked as fast as you could manage, even though your entire body protested in pain. Then finally, you saw a black duffel bag lying on the ground, against the wall. Next to it was a metal ladder that went all the way up to the top.

“Jackson, don’t!”

You heard Tom’s voice, but you felt the presence behind you too late. Jackson hit you in the back of the head with that damn baton, so hard that even he grimaced at how the sound echoed on the walls. You crumpled to the ground.

Jackson stood over you with a grim set to his face. He turned to his brother with a shake of his head.

“She’s a walking welt, and you couldn’t handle her?” he said.

“This is too much,” Tom said in worry. He bent down and held two fingers to your neck. He still felt a pulse, at least, but when he felt behind your head, he found blood. His hand shook as he stared at it.

“If you didn’t want in on this, you should’ve said so from the beginning,” said Jackson. He spun the baton in his hand and clipped the hilt to his belt, from a small metal loop on the end of it.

“You didn’t say anything about…about this!” Tom argued. He cleaned your blood off on his jacket.

Jackson regarded his brother with disappointment, and he hefted you up into his arms. Tom followed him back to their setup with your makeshift prison. There Jackson left you lying on the ground, and chained you back up by your wrists for good measure. He then literally and figuratively wiped his hands of you.

“Come on, we’re leaving,” he said. “For good this time.”

Tom looked at you, then his brother in shock. There was even emotion in his eyes.   

“We’re leaving her to die,” he said, his voice unsteady. He knew then, that their mother wouldn't have wanted this in her name. If she saw both of them now, she wouldn't recognize them.

Jackson grabbed his younger brother where his neck met his shoulder. An iron grip.

“And what do you think Soldier Boy is going to do if he finds us?” Jackson asked. His gaze encouraged Tom to explore that reality for a moment.

Jackson nodded at your unconscious form. “Trust me, that bitch was never going to talk. But this is almost better.”

It wasn’t right, Tom thought. He knew it, deep in his heart, but he wasn’t strong like his brother, or even like you.

That was when they heard it. The rumble of engines dying and tires rolling overhead, dislodging a few stray pebbles and dust from the ceiling. Jackson’s eyes widened. 

“Fuck!” he muttered. “All right, let’s go.”

Jackson forced his younger brother to leave the sewer with him, and leave you chained up on the floor.

Ben, Butcher, M.M., and Frenchie had done much of the legwork in tracking down Jackson Rawlins and his brother Tom (with help from Annie, Kimiko, and Hughie of course). Frenchie had found your likely location with a powerful thermal scanner, courtesy of Grace.

Now, they’d driven up to the wide alley in the city and blocked off all the exits on the block. Ben was the first to get his boots on the ground and stride toward the point of entry, where according to Frenchie’s scanners, more than one body was holed up in the sewer. He held his shield at his side and at the ready when the manhole cover loosened, and slid open.

A small gas bomb rolled out towards his feet, but it was just tear gas, not the kind of thing that could actually affect him. Ben picked up the little round ball of metal and crushed it in his hand. While the rest of the team dove for the oxygen masks stored in the car, Ben stalked forward.

Seeing the silhouette of a man, Ben threw his shield hard enough to rattle a supe.

Jackson Rawlins was thrown clean onto his back with a force that stole the breath from his lungs, even through his gas mask. It also broke half a dozen ribs. Ben was soon bearing on top of him and ripping off the mask.

Jackson cried out as remnants of the tear gas seared his eyes.

“Got us a runner!” Butcher shouted. He intercepted and grabbed up a second man who tried to escape. Tom Rawlins wasn’t the threat, but he still wasn’t going free. M.M. and Frenchie also dove down into the sewer to try and find you after they got their gas masks on.

Meanwhile, Ben hauled Jackson up by his neck and walked him back until he hit the brick wall beside a nail salon. Jackson grunted in pain. Every breath he took was now agonizing, thanks to his now battered and broken ribs.

“Where is she?” Ben demanded.

Jackson actually laughed in his face, despite his now bloodshot eyes.

“All you fucking supes are the same,” he said. “But you…you’re the worst. Quite literally, the original asshole. And what does the government do? What does the world do? Gives you a pass on decades of indiscretions, fuck ups, and straight up murder.” 

Ben didn’t outwardly react, but he knew what Jackson’s problem was. He knew he killed the man’s family. Collateral damage—something that had caused Ben more than one argument with you in the past.

But he didn’t care.

He didn’t care, because all he could see in his mind’s eye was a metal bat hitting the back of your head and knocking you clean out. He saw you being taken against your will. Taken from him. And that, he couldn’t abide.

“Where. Is she?” Ben said, as his grip flexed around the other man’s neck. It would be easy. Easier than snapping a toothpick. And he warned, “Don’t make me fucking repeat myself.”

“Dead, probably,” Jackson spat, despite his red and bleary eyes. “Real tough bitch. I see why you’re fucking her…I had me a little taste myself.”

In that moment, Ben couldn’t compute.

His green eyes widened. His breath stilled.

Then his jaw clenched so tight that his teeth were grinding. A fire in his blood and behind his eyes, and fury that burned hot in his chest, almost giving it that nuclear glow.

His hand tightened and choked any salacious words Jackson might’ve spewed out next.

“He didn’t!” Tom shouted out. He was being restrained by Butcher. Ben glanced at them out of the corner of his eye.  

“He didn’t touch her. Not like that,” Tom said. He looked sincere.  

“Shut the fuck up, Tommy,” said his older brother. 

It earned Ben’s attention back. Jackson had the look of a man who knew he was going to die either way.

Ben’s lips curled into a sneer. He took the man’s head with both hands, and slowly crushed his skull. The scream echoed between Ben’s ears, but he was only satisfied when Jackson’s lifeless body dropped at his feet.

He turned to the other Rawlins next.

Tom had screamed as well to watch his brother’s life ended before his eyes. He now stared straight into Soldier Boy’s, pleading wordlessly for his own life. Ben started toward him.

“Please,” Tom said. He tried twisting away from Butcher, who held firm to the man’s arm. The Brit knew all too well, the rage that Ben had in his blood.

“Ben,” Annie tried, and she even stepped forward. Butcher held a hand out against her with a knowing look. It wouldn’t be wise to stand in the way.

“Hey!” M.M. shouted up from down the open hatch of the sewer. “We found her! Need help getting her loose.”

Ben paused in his steps. Tom was shaking, lips trembling, petrified.

Tilting his head, Ben let out a subtle breath through his nose. He began to turn back toward the sewer.

At the last moment, however, he drew his gun and shot Tom Rawlins between the eyes. The man was dead before he hit the ground.

Annie and Hughie flinched, but Butcher and Kimiko weren’t surprised in the least.

Meanwhile, Ben made his way back towards M.M.’s voice, and into the sewer. He heard M.M. and Frenchie arguing about first aid and head wounds, the further in he went. Ben’s dark mood blackened even more along the way.

Once he reached them, he also reached you, held in M.M.’s arms as he cradled your head.

You were unconscious with your wrists locked into heavy chains. The furrow between Ben’s brows deepened, but he got down to his knees beside you and first, broke your chains. He guided you out of M.M.’s arms and into his own, making sure to support your head. Blood was already staining his half-glove and fingers.

It was then that he noticed the small crimson pool lying where your body had been, likely from the wound he could feel at the back of your head. Ben’s mouth trembled the slightest bit, mostly in anger as he drew himself back onto his feet. Your body was littered with bruises, cuts both shallow and deep made by what looked like a blade, and God knew what else.

“I had me a little taste myself,” Jackson had taunted.

No, Ben internally shook that thought from his mind. No, you hadn’t been touched like that, at least, according to the sniveling, cock-sucking brother.

But can you trust that little cunt’s word?

Ben briefly closed his eyes, pressing his lips to your forehead. He continued walking down the hall and towards the light and fresh air of the world above.

You’re gonna be just fine, he promised you, if just within the safety of his mind.

Yeah, you would be all right.

He was going to make sure of it.

AN: 🫣 I'm sorry...BUT, I can promise it will get better (eventually). First, it's going to get worse.

Next Time:

It was a slow process, and it hurt, but you managed to turn your head. You saw a man sitting in the corner with a laptop balanced on his lap. He typed with two fingers at a time, which reminded you of your grandfather. His brown hair fell over his furrowed brows, but his beard was well trimmed.

His head soon raised, possibly feeling the weight of your gaze. His eyes widened a fraction, and he hastily closed the laptop and set it down on his seat before he went to you. You frowned when he came to sit at your bedside, and even touched your cheek with a gentle hand.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said. His voice was deep and smooth. “How’re you feeling?”

You didn’t have the energy to lean away from his hand, but you did give him a look of weary confusion.

“I…I don’t…who are you?” you asked.

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 2

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Break Me Down Masterlist

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

BMD/Series Tag List (Part 1):

@deans-spinster-witch @this-is-me19 @waynes-multiverse @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @spalady26

@spnwoman @syrma-sensei @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @muhahaha303 @123passwort

@mrsjenniferwinchester @lyarr24 @xoxovienna @lollag0w0 @globetrotter28

@nancymcl @ashbatz @secretdreamlandmentality @kristophalis @wonderland2022

@emily-winchester @shelh93 @sl33pylilbunny @spoonmynoodle @chernayawidow

@buckybarnes-1917 @asgardprincess97 @sometimes-i-sing @itsyellow @theonlymaninthesky

@kimberleymjw @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @iamsapphine @sanscas @se-fucking-hun

@lassie-bird @jessjad @yepimthatperson @fromcaintodean @stoneyggirl2

@spnfamily-j2 @im-a-slut-for-fluff @lacilou @venicesem @mimaria420

@tearsfortheyouth @agalliasi @chriszgirl92 @kazsrm67 @deansbbyx

[ruh--roh-raggy]

Home Sweet Home (William Afton x Wife! Reader) - Part 3

Hello hello! Welcome to part 3 of Home Sweet Home! Today we get a very special flashback into Reader and William's past. This one is tooth rottingly sweet so I hope you're prepared hehe. As always thank all of you so much for reading, if you would like to be added to the tag list please let me know!!

WARNINGS: Reader gets grabbed by the wrist by the guy who she was supposed to go on a date with, some swearing, other than that just the fluffiest of fluff

You can find my Masterlist here!

Word count: 2,673

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4

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“I'm going to go grab some more things from the other room!” William exclaims over the pounding music. He had said he thought of a way to make unpacking more fun, but you never expected this. William had this old stereo system that since you had gotten together lived in a corner in his garage. You would always fuss over it, trying to get him to take it out. “The mice have probably chewed a bunch of the wires in it, it would be more of a hassle to fix than it’s worth.” He'd explain. “I'll probably just buy a new one if we ever decide we need it, bunny.” So, when he pushed a large blanket covered object into your room you were definitely a little confused. You shot him a curious look when he revealed that it was the sound system you had been begging him to pull out for ages. “She's good as new, ready for my pretty girl to listen to music whenever she wants!” He says proudly, patting the top. The system worked like a dream, even though it was a bit outdated. You flipped through records before finally deciding on what you wanted to listen to, your husband chuckling as the music blared and you began to dance around the room. The little distracting from your mundane activity helped you work a little faster, and before you knew it your bedroom was mostly finished. William re entered the room with the final few boxes that needed to be put away, setting them in the corner as he watched you twirled around the floor. He loved how his heart still raced whenever he looked at you, the steady thrumming in his chest bringing a smile to his face. He strides forward with the same shaky confidence he had when you first had gotten together. You paused as you noticed him approach, looking at him with those same bright eyes that always managed to make his breath catch in his throat. He gives you a slight bow, the soft static of the record trying to fill in the silence between songs. He holds out his hand to you, the corners of your eyes crinkling as you smile.

“Would you like to dance bunny?” The pure adoration that dripped from his voice threatened to make you tear up, and for just a moment a slightly younger version of you had flashed before his eyes. You had looked so pretty the first time he had asked you to dance with him, but he couldn't argue that the sight before him was even more beautiful. Your hair a complete mess from working all day, your baggy cleaning clothes seemed to hang perfectly off of your frame. He never stopped loving a single thing about you. But, your first dance together would always hold a special place in both your hearts.

“He’s taking me out dancing.” You squeal along with your co-worker, talking about the date you had planned later.

“Dancing, huh?” You jump slightly as a voice suddenly chimes in behind you. You noticed your coworker straighten up as her eyes landed on the man behind you. You turned to find Mr. Afton, a smirk on his lips, you could feel the anger swimming in his eyes. “Didn’t know guys your age still did that sort of thing.” As soon as it was there it was gone, his eyes softening as his smirk turned into his usual charming, lopsided smile. You felt your heartbeat quicken at the sight of it.

“Well, I told him I always wanted someone to take me dancing.” You admit bashfully, feeling a bit silly for admitting such a childish, romantic fantasy.

“A beautiful young woman like yourself deserves someone who takes them out.” He responds as his gaze flickers over your face. “Although, I wouldn’t get your hopes up, he might not be the right man for the job.” He adds with a slight tilt of his head, his eyes flash away from you before he clears his throat. “Ladies, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go, uh… elsewhere.” He nods politely before hurrying off. You exchange a look with your coworker.

“What in the Faz-Fuck was that all about?” You both break out into a fit of giggles at the “workplace appropriate” swear word before you just shrugged.

You stood outside of Freddy’s, you and your date agreeing to meet there because you didn’t want to give him your address. You watched car after car pass by but none of them ever turned into the lot. You checked your watch, it was about an hour after the time he was supposed to pick you up. You wrapped your jacket tighter around you, your teeth beginning to chatter as you waited in the night. You jumped as the door next to you suddenly pushed open. William stepped outside with his keys in hand, a tight black sweatshirt over his work shirt accentuated his broad shoulders. He glanced over at you, briefly turning back to the lock before his brow furrowed in confusion and his eyes snapped back to you. “You’re still here?” He straightens up, taking a few steps closer to you. Your eyes slowly trailed upwards in order to meet his as he walked forward. “I saw your car pull in an hour ago, is everything alright?”

“He was supposed to meet me here. I,uh, I think he might’ve stood me up.” Your throat grew tight as shame washed over your body. You couldn’t have felt more pathetic if you tried. A young eager girl with hearts in her eyes as she excitedly talked about her date all day just to get stood up.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Your skin buzzed where his hand rested on your shoulder. “If he stood you up he’s a Faz-Fucking idiot.” He manages to get a small laugh out of you, making him smile softly. Before you had a chance to respond, a beat up car that’s front bumper was held on by duct tape came screeching to a halt in front of the restaurant. Your date's head pops out of the window.

“Get in.” He commands before disappearing back inside the car. You noticed William bite at the inside of his cheek.

“Bit rude to not open the door for her, isn't it, chief?” William calls in an antagonizing tone. You could tell how he tensed up before his hand fell away from your shoulder that he intended to teach this guy a lesson. The driver's side door flew open as your date climbed out.

“You got a problem, old man?” William cocks an eyebrow at his insult.

“I may be old you little punk,” he spits, “but I know that’s absolutely no way to treat a woman.” His voice was dangerously calm, not a single waiver of emotion in his tone.

“Oh be fucking forreal,” he rolls his eyes, “you’re just pissed that you can’t flirt with someone half your age, pervert.” He barged forward, grabbing you by the wrist and yanking you in the direction of his car. Your eyes dart to William, the only thing that would make you feel safe in your moment of fear. You caught the sight of a snarl forming on his face.

“Don’t fucking touch her.” William growls, rushing up on him. He immediately dropped your wrist, stumbling backwards and falling straight onto his ass. William steps in front of you, half blocking your body with his towering form. “You were an hour late to pick her up, you’ve been acting like a jackass since you pulled up, and on top of that you’re grabbing her like she’s some piece of meat.” His voice boomed across the empty lot. His fists shook by his side, his shoulders heaving with his heavy breaths as he filled with rage. William points at the guy's car. “You better get the fuck off of this property, and if I ever see you around here again or see you anywhere near her, I will personally introduce that moronic face of yours to the fucking concrete. Do I make myself clear?” He scrambled for his car, peeling out of the lot before his door was even fully closed. The moment his car was out of sight his attention immediately shifted to you, ready to swoop in and save the day when you needed him most. “Are you okay? How’s your wrist?”

“William, I’m so sorry.” Your voice shook as you fought back the tears that welled up in your eyes.

“Oh, rabbit,” he coos at you, taking your hands in his, “you don’t have anything to apologize for. That guy was a jackass.” He places a finger under your chin, tilting your face up to look at him. “He doesn’t deserve someone like you.” He brushes some stray hair from your cheek, his soft smile making your heart flutter. His thumb rubs languidly over your knuckles, “come inside for a bit, you’re frozen.” He opens up the door for you, motioning for you to head in before him. “Unlike that scumbag I plan on holding the door.” He winks at you, causing you to flush slightly. You reluctantly let your hand slip from his as you stepped inside, his calloused fingers warm against your much smaller, more delicate ones. He took your coat, hanging it up on the side of a booth you slid into. “I’m going to go make some coffee, even if you don’t drink it just hold it. Your hands are like ice.” You nod, watching as he disappears into the kitchen. You trace along the cracks in the old linoleum table, mentally berating yourself over how stupid you were. “Here you go, sweetheart.” You can’t help but smile when you’re met with the sight of his lopsided grin.

“Thank you.” You respond softly. He studies you, trying to gauge what you need from him at the moment. “I’m really embarrassed.” You admit with a dry chuckle. “Here I am getting myself all worked up for this date…” your voice cracks as the need to cry wells up in your throat. You try your best to clear it, not wanting to appear as weak as you felt in front of him. “It was stupid anyways.” You shrug, trying your best to force a smile despite the fact you felt a tear slowly rolling down your cheek.

“Honey, it’s not stupid for you to want someone to treat you the way you deserve.” He reaches out, cupping your cheek and wiping at the wet trail. He stood, holding out his hand to you, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes. “If it’s alright with you I’d like to give you that dance you were looking forward to.” You reached out for him, your fingers shaking with anticipation. He guided you gently from the booth, a stark contrast from how roughly you were grabbed before. He motioned for you to wait a moment, heading next to the stage to kick a jukebox to life. Instead of the usual stage show songs you were used to he had flipped to something a bit slower, more romantic. He spins you around before his arm slides around your waist, giving your hand a gentle squeeze as he gazes down at you.

“Is this a bad time to admit I’ve never really danced before?” You ask with a nervous giggle. William breathes out a laugh, shaking his head.

“I’ll go slow, just let my body lead yours.” You flush as you feel the heat radiating off of his strong chest as he pulls you in closer. It felt effortless as he moved you across the floor, your steps quickly being able to fall into time with his. Before you knew it he was waltzing you around the open space. He spun you around a few times before expertly pulling you back into his embrace. Your heart raced, you could feel it all the way in the tips of your fingers. His striking silver eyes remained locked on yours as he moved you in a way he knew that little douchebag never would have been able to pull off, it made him well up with a sense of pride. Before him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life, and she was captivated by him and him alone. The smile that spread across your face as he dipped you low with the conclusion of the song was enough to have a shiver run up his spine. “For someone who’s never danced before you did amazing.” He winks.

“I think it’s because I had such a good partner.” You mumble shyly, heat rising in your cheeks as you feel his thumb run across your waist. His eyes flash down to your lips, swallowing thickly before letting his gaze slowly trace up to meet yours again. “William, I, um…” you trail off as anxiety creeps forward in your mind. He was just being nice to you, that’s all this was.

“What is it, rabbit?” His voice comes out low and gravelly, words dripping with need like honey off of his tongue.

“That was really nice.” Your eyes dropped to the floor as you tried to push the thought of how badly you wanted to feel his lips on yours. “This is definitely better than the night I would've been having with that asshole.”

“I know I keep saying this but he doesn't deserve someone like you.” He brushes some hair from your face before holding both of your hands in his. “He wouldn't notice how your eyes light up when you talk about something you're passionate about or how adorable you look when you're flustered. He doesn’t know what your favorite color is or your favorite pizza toppings or your favorite movie.” Your eyes widened slightly as you realized that he was listing off things he had proven he knew about you in the past. “You are beautiful and so unbelievably kind and if I wasn’t such a damn coward I would’ve done this sooner.” His hand drops yours, moving to cup your face as he presses into you. A broken whimper escapes your lips as your hands fist into the soft material of his sweatshirt. The hand that still rested on your hip slid around your waist as he pressed you flush against him, lifting you up onto the tips of your toes to make it easier to kiss you. You gasped as he pulled back from you, both of you staring at one another wide eyed and breathless.

“Can I take you out on a date sometime?” The question fell from his mouth hurriedly, as if he was afraid if he didn’t ask it then he would never be able to say it.

“Yes.” Your answer was immediate, giving him a firm nod. Your face felt hot and damp, the remnant of the tears you hadn’t realized you let flow freely stained your cheeks. William breathes out a relieved and almost triumphant chuckle before he pulls you back into him, your mind getting lost in the taste of the bitter coffee and his own undeniable sweetness as it dances across your tongue.

William smiles at the sight before him, he would never get tired of the way his beautiful wife looked at him so lovingly. Your hand slipped into his, allowing him to spin you around the floor, your laughter blending melodically with the music. He pulls you into his arms, mimicking the steps he first taught you all those years ago. You had become a lot better over time, William loved to dance with you rather frequently. Your once clumsy movements now seemed as natural to you as walking. You laughed loudly as he dropped you into a low dip, your vision fully getting flipped upside down. You caught the sight of a red pick up truck pulling up your driveway. William pulls you upright. “Looks like we got some company.” He says with a wink.

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Tag List: @yellowbunnydreams @zoey5252 @redflowery @loudchaosking @weirdoartist21 @residentevilbeast (If I miss you or you would like to me added please let me know!)

[pursuedbyamemoryy]

Hello! How about something like Javier catching Reader (GN) sketching him? Reader has an interest in him but hasn’t really been the most obvious about it, showing it in more subtle ways

☆ i apologize for taking so long to answer your request, but thank you for being patient! i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, i went back and forth with it for a while. either way thank you for requesting, and i hope you enjoy reading <3 !!

w/c : 1.5k

it was a warm, sunny day in clemens point. you sat under a tree with your journal, quietly admiring and sketching javier from across camp. your journal was full of drawings of javier at this point, you’ve had a crush on him for a while but were never sure how to express how you felt outwardly. you’d sit with him by the campfire more often, compliment his singing more than usual, and even let your gaze linger on him for just a few seconds longer, but other than that you hadn’t done much to show your feelings for him.

he was currently sitting at one of the campfires, softly playing his guitar. his hair was fluttering in the gentle breeze, pulled back in his usual ponytail. his fingers gently plucked at the strings, a small smile on his face as he played a familiar song. you kept glancing up at him, trying to capture as many details as possible in your drawing of him. you had gotten so immersed in sketching him that you didn’t notice that he was looking right at you, his smile growing wider when your eyes met his. he glanced between you and your journal, raising an eyebrow, as if he was questioning what you were so focused on.

you felt your face grow warm, quickly averting your gaze. suddenly the blades of grass by your feet were very interesting. you were trying to avoid his gaze, slightly embarrassed. after a minute you glanced back at him as he shook his head and smiled, returning to his guitar and playing another familiar tune.

once your embarrassment faded, you returned to your work, adding some smaller details and shading. after a while you held your journal farther away, looking at your sketch from a different angle, and deciding you were happy with it.

you closed your journal and got up from your shady spot under the tree, making your way to your tent, tucking your journal into your trunk that sat beside your bedroll. you had already finished all your chores for the day, and decided to wander idly around camp, saying quick hellos to other camp members. you made your way over to the shore at the edge of camp, and sat down on the soft dirt. the sun was starting to sink below the trees, the sky changing from bright blue to a mix of pinks and oranges.

as always your mind drifted to javier. you could never get your mind off of him. he was so pretty, and not to mention cleaner and more well behaved than practically all the other men in camp. you loved the way he dressed, the way he tied his hair back. his hair looked so soft, you longed to run your fingers through it and play with it, maybe even braid it or put it up in silly styles. you loved the way his hands strummed his guitar and played the chords effortlessly. the way he fiddled with his knife, spinning it around when he was thinking or bored. you loved his slim waist and the way his hips moved when he walked.

you stayed there for a while, until the sun had fully set and the stars were starting to shine overhead. dragging yourself out of your thoughts you made your way over to one of the campfires, where a bunch of camp members were settled. they were listening to javier playing his guitar as usual, some even singing along, stumbling over the lyrics.

---

a couple days later you found yourself in a similar spot, underneath a tree in the shade, sketching javier. you didn’t know where he was as you hadn’t seen him in camp that morning, and you just assumed he was out on a job somewhere. you were working on an old sketch that you hadn’t quite finished, adding details and shading.

you heard the steady drum of hoofbeats coming up the trail and into camp, not bothering to check who it was, as you were focused on finishing this drawing. you wanted to give it to javier, and you wanted it to look good. you weren’t great with words, but you figured he’d understand how you felt once you showed him a drawing you did of him. every line was like a love confession, the way you were able to capture the small details that made him, him is not something someone who didn’t care about him would be able to do. you noticed every wrinkle, scar, blemish, and you loved them all, and drew them in a way that expressed that perfectly.

“you always have your nose in that journal of yours, don’t you, cariño?” you froze when you heard his voice, slowly turning to see javier slowing boaz to a stop next to you. he leaned down slightly, trying to get a better look at your journal. “i didn’t know you draw, looks good.” you saw his cheeks flush slightly as he realizes that you weren’t just drawing anything or anyone, you were drawing him.

“yeah, i’ve been drawing for a while. and thank you.” you say nervously, looking between him and your journal. did he like it? did he think you were weird or creepy for drawing him or was he flattered?

“what made you draw me, out of everyone in camp?” javier dismounted and sat next to you on the grass, your shoulders touching slightly and his thigh resting beside yours. he gently grabbed the corner of your journal, slightly turning it towards him in order to get a better look. he was so close, and he looked as good as ever. you felt even more nervous, your cheeks flushing an even brighter shade of pink.

“you’re just nice to look at, i guess.” you say quietly. you turned to look at him, and saw him smiling. he was looking so intensely at the drawing, as if he was soaking up every line you drew, committing it to memory.

“you draw really well, it really does look like me.” he paused. “is this why i always catch you staring at me?” he said turning to look at you, his smile turning into a teasing one.

you shrug, “i did say you were nice to look at, didn’t i?” you start to smile back, your anxiety fading away and your confidence growing. “i’ve drawn you other times too” you flip through your journal, showing him various other drawings and sketches of him.

he stared in awe at each and every one, not saying a word and just admiring your artwork. “these are great, you’re quite talented, cariño, why didn’t you show me these sooner?” he turned to look at you again, his cheeks slightly flushed.

“i guess i was just nervous. these drawings say a lot about how i feel about you, don’t you think?” you gently ran your thumb over one of your sketches, glancing up at him.

“they do, and that’s why i wish you showed me them sooner. maybe i wouldn't have been as scared to confess if i knew you felt the same.” he shook his head and chuckled. “i like you too.” he said softly, looking between your eyes and your lips.

you smiled, unable to hold back your excitement. “really?” he feels the same. he likes my drawings, and even more than that, he likes me.

“of course, mi amor, i wouldn’t lie to you.” he brought his hand up to cup your cheek gently, and you leaned into his touch. “can i kiss you?” he asked, his voice gentle.

you nodded and leaned in, his soft lips meeting your slightly chapped ones. it was a sweet kiss, soft and chaste, his lips moving delicately against yours.

after a moment you pulled away, resting your forehead against his and looking into his soft brown eyes. “i’ve been wanting to do that for a while” he said, smiling softly, his hand still resting on your cheek.

“me too javier, you have no idea.” you laughed, smiling warmly at him.

---

javier woke up the next morning, his eyelids fluttering as the rising sun hit his face. he groaned, rolling over in his bedroll, his hand hitting a piece of paper. he sat up slightly, rubbing his eyes. once his vision adjusted to the morning light he looked down at the piece of paper that had been gently placed by his pillow, a small flower placed right on top of it. it was a drawing of him, more specifically the one he caught you drawing yesterday. he smiled to himself and brought the flower up to his nose to smell it, humming happily. he looked around camp, his eyes catching yours as you took a sip of what he assumed was coffee. he gave you a warm smile, which you returned. he took the drawing and folded it gently, kissing it and placing it carefully in his trunk that laid beside his bedroll. he would continue to save every drawing you gave him, cherishing each and every one.

[fatuismooches]

SMOOCHES!!! Hii my cutie patootie!!! ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

It’s been a while since I last sent something here and I’m so sorry about that!! I’m doing a lot better now (although I never got my test results back to see if I had that syndrome or not LOL) and I almost have the two new Fontaine regions 100% oopsies! But I have like serious brainrot (but school is so tiring I usually just nap the whole afternoon) anyways!! I listened to one of mitski’s songs called “Once More to See You” and ugh it honestly just reminded me of Dottore and fragile!reader. The beginning makes me think of how fragil!reader and Dottore (especially) having a reputation and being looked as “weird” or as students who don’t belong in the Akademiya. The rest of the song just reminds me of Dottore being alone once fragile!reader fell into their coma, and him longing to feel your hand against his. To have your warm touch, caress his cheek, kiss his lips, embrace him, and to say his name, “Zandik!” In that lovely tone of yours. ouuughh I love fragile!reader and Dottore so so much just Dottore having to wait so long for them to wake up. Like imagine having to wait hundreds of years for the only person who’s every shown you affection and love. The only person to hold you so lovingly, say your name with love and not disgust, or with horror.

And after waking up??? Oughhh I know I say this a bit frequently but Dottore would become so so protective and possessive. I mean, you’re the only thing he has left, and he almost lost you once. He won’t spare to almost lose you another time, especially after centuries went by without your warm touch, or your voice. He defff savors every moment you two have together when he’s available. And especially when he becomes so used to having you on his lap and him being able to feel your heartbeat. Sometimes he may unconsciously tighten his grip on you when he’s holding you.

okieokie I think that’s enough for today!! I hope you’ve been doing amazing smooches again I’m so sorry I’ve been away I always wanna brainrot but sometimes I think my ideas aren’t that great compared to anons (YOUR ANONS ARE SO AMAZING I LOVE READING EVERY POST, AND KAI’S WRITINGS <333 MWA MWA!!) But i hope you’re getting lots of rest and staying healthy!! A bunch of chu chus n hugs, n maybe a few cuddles ! hehe!!

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon! ౨ৎ

🎐 ANON MY BELOVED!!! Oh my gosh I'm so happy you're back and alright, I missed you, and I'm so happy to hear your health has gotten better ❤️ Congrats on your Fontaine exploration and omg i totally understand, take those naps if you need to 😭 I'm not much of a napping person but those few times that i do nap, feel so good lmao. Okay brainrot time~

WAH THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO ANOTHER MITSKI SONG... omg i love this so much. Dottore was definitely ostracized and excluded in the Akademiya, everyone thought that he nor his crazy ideas belonged there. And you, I imagine your reputation start to get dragged through the mud the more you hang out with Dottore. They just don't understand. Why would you ever want to even sit in the same room as him, much less befriend him? You started to be labeled as the same things as him. You don't mind (most of the time, sometimes it still gets to you) because you think those people are just shallow compared to your friend. But Zandik himself doesn't understand you either? There's no way that his "friendship" (your words, not his) is worth the stress of all this. He doesn't understand, it's not like you're using him, if anything he's the one using you instead. Zandik doesn't understand... but he's not going to admit that the fact that you chose him over everyone else makes him feel a certain way. And that tingly feeling only grows and grows. And he refuses to acknowledge it... until you leave him and suddenly everything he's chosen to ignore hits him at once. Everything that Zandik's been trying so hard to deny, he admits to now. He misses you... he longs for your touch, your kindness, the way you treat him with such love, your voice... as horrible as this is, it really did open his eyes. Made him realize that living by himself again in the dorms is slowly making him even crazier without you. Made him realize that he's willing to do anything, and i mean anything, to get you back.

OH YEAH Dottore is extremely protective over you when you finally wake up. See, Dottore isn't really scared of someone else hurting you. He knows that he and his segments would never let that happen. Rather, he's scared of other things. Like your illness. Things he can't control. Dottore is a man who's used to being in control now, so when he can't predict things? When he can't see them coming? He doesn't like that. Not one bit, especially when it comes to you. He needs to know everything, otherwise, he won't be satisfied. He can't risk you being hurt again, not under his watch. You're very confused in the beginning because hello? This is the same guy who used to let you go out and do all these crazy tasks on his behalf? But yeah, he can't help but be very possessive. It's very Dottore like of him.

Thank you for the delicious brain rot 🎐 anon!! I enjoyed it tremendously :3 AND SHUSH YOUR BRAINROTS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM. But yuppp my anons and Kai have such yummy writing!! I am doing well, thank you :) just busy but I'm fine! Giving you lots of my hugs and kisses to you toooo <33

[kingdomof-omens]

The Best Way to Get Over Someone is to Get Under Someone Else

Masterlist Can also be found on Wattpad This is a work of fiction based on real people. If you don't like it, don't read it.

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Pairing: Noah x OFC, Jolly x OFC, Noah x OFC x Jolly

Warnings: threesome, double penetration, anal sex, shibari, female oral sex, P in V sex, praise kink (mild), degradation (mild), erotic asphyxiation, language, orgasm denial, slight BDSM vibes, mentions of cheating, barebacking (use protection!)

Note: This was a part two request sent in by FevMotionless on Wattpad.

Also, have this fic that I've spent weeks on. Writer's block was a bitch, so just take it lol.

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It had been almost a year since the night Noah made Ismine's fantasy come to life. She woke up the next morning with Jolly missing from their bed, already off to start his day. They didn't talk again about that night, but no awkwardness had come from it. Their relationships were the same as it had been before. 

In the time since that night, Jolly had even met and started dating a beautiful woman by the name of Jordan. Ismine and the guys had all met her and they all welcomed her with open arms, bringing her into the mix of their little chosen family. She got along with everyone, and Jolly was a lot happier than usual, coming up with some great ideas for the guys' new album.

That's why when Jolly seemed to distance himself from everyone in the house, it was something Ismine picked up on. She noticed he left his room less and less, even telling Noah he'd listen to a new song idea later which was incredibly unusual for the Swede.

So one night, while Noah was locked in their home studio, Ismine climbed up the stairs and carried her body to stand in front of Jolly's bedroom. There was no sound coming from inside and no light casting underneath the door indicating he was even in. But Ismine hadn't seen him leave in days and knew he was holed up inside.

Her fist had rapped on his door before she could even think about it, causing Jolly to stir inside his little haven. She heard him bite out a muffled "What?" through the door, so she grabbed the knob and entered.

Living with a bunch of men and seeing the messes they created was one thing, but the state of Jolly's bedroom was completely appalling to her. Especially since he was the neat freak of the bunch.

Food wrappers and cups had littered every surface of his room, notebooks and torn pages were thrown everywhere on the ground, and Jolly....poor Jolly was curled in his bed looking so disheveled.

His long hair was thrown up into a messy bun and he was wearing the same clothes from the last time Ismine saw him leave his space. And to be honest, he had a musk of BO coating himself indicating that he hadn't even taken a shower...which was concerning in itself.

"Hey bubs...been wondering where you been. I haven't seen you." Ismine spoke softly, making her way over food wrappers and torn paper to sit next to him on the bed.

"Yeah, well. You found me. Congratulations." He spit back, curling into himself further to hide away from her.

"What's going on in that brain of yours to make you become a recluse, hmm?" She reached out and pulled the tie from his hair out, his long tresses cascading the pillow. She attempted to run her fingers through his locks, but the mats and knots that had formed prevented her from doing so. Instead, she gently started working the knots out with her fingers, hoping he would open up to her.

All he did was huff out in response, hugging his pillow tighter to his chest.

"Joakim." She became stern, no time for bullshit or beating around the bush. "What happened?"

He let out a long sigh and threw the pillow to the side, sitting up against his headboard. Ismine started rubbing his knee as he picked at his fingers in his lap, his head hung low.

"She...she cheated on me. With some fucking asshole from the bar."

"Jordan cheated on you?"

"That's what I said isn't it? Yep. And quite a few times, actually. She claimed I was 'too busy in the studio for her' and she felt 'lonely'." He scoffed, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Fucking bitch."

"Is that what's had you holed up in here by yourself? Jolly...you know you could have came to us and told all of us. We're worried about you." Still rubbing his knee, her other hand grabbed his and held it, her thumb rubbing smoothing circles into the skin.

"Why? So you all can pity me like you're doing now? I don't need your fucking pity, Ismine. I need to bury myself in someone and just fucking forget her." 

Memories of their rendezvous a year ago flooded Ismine's mind and her eyes had widened in response. She let go of Jolly and put her hands in her lap to hide the excitement that was building from those memories.

"I, um..I can ask him." She whispered out, looking over to his side table to avoid his gaze.

"What?"

"I can ask him if he'd like to...you know. Share again. If that's what you need."

_______________

She was sitting on her knees atop Jolly's bed this time, hands currently being tied behind her back by Noah. He was taken aback by her request a few nights ago and asked if she was okay with it since he knew how Jolly could be after a breakup. He saw the multiple women leaving their house in relationships past, makeup smeared down their face and the limp they carried as they scurried out the door. He explained these things to Ismine so she knew what she was asking for, but she didn't mind. Noah had told her he didn't care as long as he was involved, so if Jolly got too carried away Noah could stop the whole ordeal.

As he tightened the last knot on the rope that was binding her arms behind her back, he kissed her temple and whispered encouraging words into her ear. Jolly requested to come in as Noah was already pleasuring her and her moans were going to be the call for Jolly to come in.

She was warned that it would be rough, and she'd be lying if she said it didn't cause her to squeeze her legs together, excitement pooling along her inner folds.

As Noah undressed in front of her, she could feel sparks igniting through her body, the anticipation of the night coating her insides. There were many times where she replayed the scene from a year ago through her head, getting herself off to the memories. She truly thought it was a one-time thing, and as her boyfriend tugged on his dick a few times before walking towards her, she was silently thanking whichever god granted her wish of it happening again.

Noah wrapped his long, slender fingers around the back of her head and tugged on her hair, bringing her closer to him. His mouth crashed into hers, his tongue quickly darting in her mouth, before pulling away and telling her to turn around.

Ismine nodded at the command and slowly walked on her knees to face the headboard of Jolly's bed. Noah's hand was still gripping her hair and he pulled her head back, forcing her to move her body backwards on the bed. When she was seated in the center, his other hand came to grip at her hip, and the hand tangled in her hair pushed her down, folding her in half.

"It's just us here, babygirl. I want Jolly to hear all of the pretty noises you're going to make. Got it?" Noah asked, letting go of her hair and sliding his hand down her spine.

"Yes, sir." She answered into the pillows, goosebumps forming on her arms.

Noah chuckled before lowering his body behind her perked ass. He took his hands and spread apart her puffy lips, eyeing the slick that was already coating her folds.

"Looks like you wanted this just as much as he did. Is that right?" He asked, taking a single finger and running it up and down her folds, coating the digit.

"Y-yes sir." She stumbled out, trying to force her body to keep breathing.

"Such a naughty girl. Why didn't you ask before, baby? I would've loved to see you come undone around him." His finger intruded her cunt on the last word, forcing a gasp to escape from Ismine. Her walls clenched around him at the intrusion and he felt his dick twitch in response. His finger started to slowly pump in and out of her, coating his hand in her arousal.

Ismine's face was turned to the door, low moans echoing through the room. Jolly wanted to hear her pleasure, and she made sure to make it so.

"God, I want to taste you." Noah said as he placed a kiss on her ass cheek and pulled his finger from her. She felt herself clench at the emptiness as Noah maneuvered his body to lay his head underneath of her, his hands coming around to grip her upper thighs.

"Ride me, babygirl. Cum on my tongue."

Ismine let out a long moan at Noah's words, forcing her legs wider. His hand came up to grip the rope holding her arms behind her back and he helped her raise her body up, coming to sit on his face. When she was steady, he let go of the rope and gripped her thigh tightly again.

She moaned again when she felt the flat of his tongue putting pressure against her clit and she waited for him to to lap at her. She looked down at Noah between her legs and he cocked a brow at her, silently reminding her that he had told her to ride him. She bit her lip in response, slowly starting to rock her hips back and forth.

He kept his tongue still against her, letting her chase her own pleasure against him. She rolled her hips back and forth over him, moaning out when he would curl his tongue and flick at her clit as her hips rocked back.

She could feel the warm embrace of her orgasm clutching at her insides, ready to snap and wash over her. That was until she felt a hand tangle in her hair and grip her strands tight making her wince from the sudden sting. 

Her climax rushed through her, causing her to cry out from the sudden pleasure and she pressed her hips down onto Noah's face to ride through the waves. She felt a mouth kissing her shoulder and she turned her head to see that Jolly had made an appearance, him being the one to pull her hair and cause her to undoing.

He smacked her ass as he kissed her shoulder, tugging on her hair to turn her head more to attack her lips with his. They shared a heated, messy kiss as Noah crawled out from underneath Ismine.

"Did he make you feel good, sweet girl?" He whispered as he pulled away from their kiss. His fingers tenderly traveled down her spine and over the mound of her ass until he was burying them in her cunt, feeling her soaked from arousal.

She whimpered out at his intrusion, her body accepting his fingers with ease. His fingers worked inside of her rubbing against the spongy spot until she could feel the coil tighten in her belly again, another orgasm approaching quickly.

Just as the stars were about to burst behind her eyes, he removed his fingers quickly from her, and pushed her down onto the mattress. "Jolly, please! I'll be a good girl, I promise. Please let me cum!" She begged the Swede as she was trying to rut her hips against the mattress for the needed friction.

Noah leaned down next to her face and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Oh, we'll make you cum alright. You'll be spent by the night is over. Your pussy will be so sensitive, you won't even be able to sit when we're done with you." He kissed her temple as Jolly smacked her ass again, forcing a long moan to drawl out from her chest.

Jolly turned to Noah with an eyebrow raised. "You got the stuff?"

He answered Jolly with a scoff, pointing to the varies objects laying on the side table. "Yeah, right here."

Jolly smiled in return, pulling his shirt over his head. He kicked off his sweatpants quickly, his hard cock bouncing against his belly as he laid down on the bed next to Ismine.

Hs hand caressed her cheek as he spoke softly to her. "Oh, sweet girl. Your boyfriend here is going to warm you up for him while you ride me. Think you can handle us both?"

Her eyes widened and she tried to turn her body to face Noah, who was now at the foot of the bed, stripping himself of his own clothing.

Jolly guided her head to look back at him, reassurance in his voice as he told her "we don't have to. It's up to you, we won't do anything you don't want."

She bit her lip, looking Jolly in his eyes. She could see the heat in them, yes, but she also saw care and compassion. This was Jolly's fantasy, one that he asked to be played out and she could back out with no harm, no foul. But deep inside, it was Ismine's fantasy, too. After the last time they were together, she would sometimes imagine a scenario when she had both men inside of her fucking her senseless. 

"I want it. Please, Joakim. I'll be a good girl, please just do it." She begged, raising her ass in the air for Noah, who had just popped the cap on the lube bottle, ready to squeeze some of the sticky substance on his fingers.

Jolly chuckled and raised his head at the other man, nodding at him to signal to help move Ismine on top of his body. Noah had a devious smile on his face and a hard cock to show that he, too, had thought of this as well.

The men helped Ismine maneuver so she was sitting on top of Jolly, and his cock was now pressed between her folds. Ismine couldn't help herself, rocking her hips back and forth on the Swede. The tip of his dick was hitting her clit just the right way, stimulating the aching bud.

Noah grabbed her hips from behind and helped her rock, pushing her body forwards and pulling it backwards. "Gonna cum on his cock, baby girl?"

Her eyes were closed, reveling in the pleasure as she nodded, moaning out a breathy "yes." Her eyes popped open when she felt a warm hand grip her throat, seeing the man below her biting his lip and feeling him tighten his grip on her.

She bit her lip and nodded, indicating to Jolly that yes this is what she wanted, and yes keep doing it. Just as her vision was starting to blur and little black dots creeped into her eyesight, the grip on her throat was released, and Ismine sucked in a breath as her orgasm washed over her again. She cried out from the pleasure as Jolly brought his hands to massage her breasts and Noah  let go of her hips. She bent forwards over Jolly as her pussy was clenching around nothingness, her whole body convulsing from the earth shattering orgasm.

Jolly wrapped his arms around her, grabbing the rope that held her arms back and planted kisses to the side of her head, whispering praise as she came down from her climax.

As the last waves were coursing through her veins, she felt a cold sensation press against her tight hole and her body jumped forwards slightly, causing the men around her to chuckle.

"Just breathe, sweet girl. Noah's going to get you ready now. You okay with that?" Jolly asked her, his hand tangling in her hair and his finger tips rubbing her scalp.

"Just relax baby. I'll take care of you while you ride Jolly." Noah soothed her, one of his hands rubbing her ass cheek.

She looked at the man below her and nodded, relaxing her body and slightly moving it backwards until she felt Noah's finger circle her forbidden entrance. Jolly's arms came between their bodies, gripping his length and pressing it against the entrance to her cunt.

"Now beg." He commanded, slightly entering the tip of his cock inside of her and withdrawing it just as quickly.

She moaned out at his words, trying to lower her hips to engulf his erection. Noah's hand gripped her hip, stopping her from moving.

"Please. I need you two. I need to feel you inside of me!" She moaned out, Noah's finger still circling her tight ring.

"You think she deserves it?" Jolly looked around Ismine, asking Noah.

"I don't think she wants it, to be honest. I didn't hear her beg enough." Noah answered, pushing the tip of his finger inside of her ass.

She moaned at the intrusion, the slight sting of pain quickly disappearing with the warm embrace of pleasure. "Please. I'll be a good girl. Just please do something. I need you so bad."

Jolly, finally satisfied, thrusted upwards into Ismine causing her to cry out. "Yes! Thank you!" She yelled out as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

"Oh, so she likes to thank us for using her?" Jolly asked into the air as his hips moved to snap into her again.

Noah chuckled from behind Ismine as his finger slowly pumped in and out of her hole. He could feel Jolly working her from the inside and a low moan escaped his chest.

Ismine was panting above Jolly, reveling in the feeling of both of her holes being stretched. Even though she had just came, she could feel the coil in her belly starting to wind tight again.

Jolly had started to keep rhythm for her, a slower pace than he would like, but he wanted her to relax and be engulfed in the pleasure as her boyfriend worked her open for him.

He was twisting her nipple with the tips of his fingers when she let out a cry and moaned out "another" to Noah. Happy to satisfy, Noah pulled his finger out of her and poured more lube on his hand. His forefinger and middle finger pressed against her ring as he asked if she was ready. She nodded quickly, letting a low moan escape as Noah's fingers pushed forwards.

Jolly could feel Noah's fingers through her walls, and as weird that it could be out of context, he enjoyed the added sensation on his dick, moaning when he felt Noah scissor his fingers inside of Ismine and slowly pumping to open her up.

Ismine was above him panting with her mouth wide open, surrounded by a warm embrace of pleasure. Jolly took his hand off of her breast and his fingertips tenderly touched her lips. She looked down at Jolly and flicked the tip of her tongue against his finger tip, sending a shock straight to his member. He twitched inside of her and he could hear Noah moan, feeling Jolly.

Jolly's middle and ring finger entered Ismine's mouth, her tongue swirling around his digits as she gently suckled on them. Jolly bit his lip in return, moaning when she sucked harder. He couldn't help himself, really, when he shoved his fingers further into her mouth, touching the back of her tongue. She slightly gagged around his fingers causing Noah to moan from her body clenching around the two men as she gagged.

He kept his fingers there as she moaned out around them. Her saliva dripped down his hand as her eyes rolled to the back of her head, loving the feeling of being used.

Jolly's hips kept a steady pace fucking into her, not enough to bring her to her climax, but enough to make her brain melt into mush and make her relax as Noah pulled his fingers from her and lubed up his dick.

Noah leaned over the two on the bed, his chest against Ismine's arms that were tied around her back, as he started planting sweet kisses along her shoulder blade. He moved her hair away from her neck, sucking a purplish spot into the skin. She could feel him pumping himself against her ass cheek, and she moaned around Jolly's fingers again, so impatient for what was to come.

"You ready for me, baby?" Noah asked against the shell of her ear. With Jolly's fingers still in her mouth, all she could do was nod and moan out, hoping Noah understood how desperate she was to feel both of them inside of her.

"As great as her pussy feels, and how much I love being inside of her, I'm going to need you to hurry up because I really don't think I can last much longer." Jolly grunted below Ismine when her walls clenched around him.

Noah stood from the bed and added more lube to himself, chuckling at Jolly. "With as impatient as you're being, maybe next time we should tie you up and make you wait."

Next time. 

Ismine heard it, oh yes she did. And she'd be lying if she told you that phrase didn't throw gasoline on the mild fire burning in the pit of her stomach at this moment. She let out a guttural moan at Noah's words, ticking her hips forwards to meet Jolly's thrusts.

"My naughty girl here is more impatient than you though." Noah told Jolly, smacking Ismine's ass before lining himself up. Jolly buried himself to the hilt and brought his hips to a stop.

"We're gonna let him work himself inside of you, sweet girl." Jolly told Ismine as he removed his fingers from her mouth. "Tell us if it's too much. Okay?"

"I will. Just please. I need it" she begged the two men, leaning down into Jolly's chest more to spread her ass wide to Noah.

Noah placed his left hand on her hip, and, while gripping himself with the other hand, pushed the tip of his cock through her ring. Because he worked her open so perfectly while Jolly fucked her from below, the tip popped in with ease and Ismine let out a gasp at feeling Noah enter her.

He pushed his cock into her more with small, shallow thrusts. They had anal sex before, sure. But with an addition of another cock in the mix, Noah had to go slow to make sure her walls were ready to handle both of them.

When his hips finally met her ass cheeks, he let out a satisfied moan and gripped her hip with a force that was sure to leave bruises. With her hands tight behind her back, Ismine opened them and placed them on Noah's hips to keep him seated inside of her for a moment.

"How are you feeling, sweet girl?" Jolly asked her as his hand cupped her face and his thumb ran soothing circles on her cheek.

"So full...feel so good." She panted out, opening her eyes to look at Jolly. Jolly saw the intensity of the arousal in her pupils that were blown wide.

"Let us know when you're ready." Noah told her as he kissed her shoulder blade while the hand that gripped her hip moved to caress her side.

"M-move." She spoke out into Jolly's neck.

Hearing her command, Noah started to slowly thrust in and out of her as Jolly started to do the same. The two men were thrusting opposite of each other, making sure her holes were never near empty of them.

Ismine let out a cry at the pleasure. She was releasing a series of moans into Jolly's neck as the two men took what they could from her.

When the two men's thrusts increased, she could feel their rhythm overlapping each other, causing both of them to enter her at almost the same time. "H-holy shit. Oh my god, it feels so fucking good!"

"You fucking like this?" Noah asked her as Jolly gripped her hair, yanking her head back so she could look at his face.

"Yes, yes! Please don't stop." She moaned out as Noah slapped her ass.

"This what you wanted? Both of us- oh god, both of us having our way with you?" Jolly's grip in her hair tightened, a slight sting of pain shooting through her scalp.

All Ismine could do was moan out a "yes" as she felt Noah grab the rope holding her arms back and yanking her torso up causing Jolly's grip to let go. Jolly, instead, wrapped his hand around her neck, applying slight pressure.

"Think you can cum around us both?" Noah leaned down, grinding his hips into her.

"Gonna be a good...a good girl and cum for you."

Jolly's grip on her neck tightened, cutting off some of the blood flow to her brain. Noah brought his hand around her, running his fingers through her soaked folds to circle her clit as he continued to grind into her ass.

"God, you're so fucking wet for us, aren't you?"

"Like a needy whore." Jolly replied for her through clenched teeth. Jolly's hips were thrusting into Ismine with earnest now, trying his best to make her dive off the edge of the cliff before he reached his end of the finish line.

Jolly's other hand came up to pinch and pull at her hardened nipple, rolling the bud between his fingers. One of Noah's hands tangled in her hair, pulling taut. Ismine was loving the mix of pleasure and pain that her body was experiencing. She felt a painful sting when Jolly pulled her nipple and then slapped her tit, causing her eyes to roll to the back of her skull. At the same time, Jolly's cock had hit the sweet spot inside of her, a whine leaving her lips.

With Noah's cock working her from the backside, it put pressure on Jolly's, making it much easier for the Swede to angle his dick to constantly rub against the spongy spot that had her stringing moans and pants together.

Ismine could start to see stars forming behind her eyes, the lack of blood flow making her more light headed than she already was from Noah rubbing her clit viciously. Just as she was about to speak up and tell Jolly to let go, Jolly's grip loosened and she sucked in a deep breath as the wave of her orgasm crashed into her. She screamed out in pleasure as the warm embrace of her climax engulfed her. Noah and Jolly both released high pitched moans as they felt her walls clench around their cocks.

Noah slowed his attack on her clit, still rubbing the swollen bud to work her through her orgasm. As her body shook and twitched between them, they both kept fucking into her to chase their own releases. Noah could feel Jolly's thrusts through her pulsing walls become sloppier as his moans became louder. This, in turn, made Noah's eyes roll to the back of his head, his own undoing becoming imminent.

Before he could mumble out a warning, Noah's hips snapped to bury deep inside of Ismine, hot ribbons of cum shooting into her as a long whine escaped his lips.

Ismine was still moaning between the men, overstimulated from the feeling of Noah releasing inside of her as Jolly's cock pounded into her pulsing cunt. She couldn't form coherent words, her voice babbling away at the men trying to tell them how good she felt as Noah leaned onto her arms, panting against her sweat slicked skin.

Jolly's moans were increasing in pitch as his hips could no longer keep a rhythmic pace. His hand reached up and grabbed her breast, squeezing a little too tight to help ground himself as his climax punched him in the gut and stars burst behind his eyes. He buried his cock in Ismine's pussy, panting out between "oh god" and "holy shit" as his semen coated her inner walls.

Ismine couldn't help when her pussy clenched around Jolly, helping milk him of all his cum. She loudly moaned out as she felt his cock twitch against Noah's softening member from deep inside her core.

The three of them laid on the bed panting against each other's skin as they were coming down from their highs. Noah was the first to separate from the pile, removing his softened cock from Ismine and running to the bathroom to grab her a washcloth.

As he disappeared into the bathroom, Jolly lifted Ismine and placed her next to him on the bed. He sat up next to her and started undoing the many knots that had her arms secured behind her back. As he undid each knot, he rubbed soothing circles into her skin and kissed where the knots had lay. All Ismine could do was breathe out into the mattress, well spent from the night's activities.

Noah returned from the bathroom and spread Ismine's legs to clean the mess that spilled out onto her thighs as Jolly kept untying her. Noah was placing gentle kisses on her lower back as he cleaned her up, praising her as he took his time to make sure to not overstimulate her from the sensitivity.

Jolly finished untying the knots that held her captive and stood from the bed and grabbed his sweatpants off the floor, scurrying to the bathroom to clean himself off.

He returned from the bathroom and saw Noah laying back on his bed with Ismine cuddled into his chest. Noah was playing with a strand of her hair, twisting it between his fingers as hushed words were whispered into her ear. Jolly stood at the doorway gazing at the couple for a moment. The love between the two was something Jolly searched for in a woman, and maybe the reason he was so pissed at Jordan for cheating was because he thought he had found that kind of love in her. 

But Jordan was the last thing on his mind at the moment, especially when Ismine lifted her head off of Noah's chest and patted the empty space next to her as she grinned at Jolly across the room.

A smile formed on his lips as he stepped closer to the bed, turning out the lights before laying down next to her. She turned over and laid her head on top of Jolly's chest, causing him to pause with his arms suspended in air and glance at Noah to make sure this was okay.

Noah just chuckled at the sight of a frozen Jolly and wrapped his arm around Ismine's waist, his fingers grazing against the exposed skin on Jolly's torso. Jolly relaxed his body when he noticed that Noah didn't care that his girl was cuddled up to him, and he lowered his arms to wrap around Ismine, snuggling closer to drift off to a much needed sleep.

[moral-terpitude]

Manic Monday

Did I need to start something new? No. Did I? Yes. Will there be more? Surely. At some point. (I get super annoyed by the manic Monday song when it comes on the radio, but it was the only good follow up I could think of to Quiet Sunday.) (Cause I liked this modern Shelby family bunches, but I feel like their life wouldn’t be without chaos after such a good day.)

[Masterlist]

Word Count: 1282

“Tom.” Your whisper was the only noise in the darkness, but a few minutes ago you’d been pulled from sleep by a commotion down stairs.

How Tommy hadn’t been woken up by the noise coming from somewhere off in the house was a mystery. You were usually the heavy sleeper, but Charlie was still off galavanting with Finn.

Hadn’t answered the phone. Hadn’t messaged.

Which meant you had spent most of the night staring at the ceiling before sleep finally took over.

You sighed, shaking him again, words coming out in a quick hiss, “Tommy, wake up.”

He took a deep breath as he turned to face you, blue eyes reading the worried expression on your face quickly, even in the lack of light.

“What’s going on, love?”

“Just something loud downstairs.”

He was out of bed in an instant, gun drawn from the bedside table and out the door before you could say much else.

You lay there for a few minutes before you heard a scuffle. Peeking out the bedroom door you saw quite the sight.

Charlie and Finn seemed equally pissed, wobbling as Tommy tried to support Charlie with help (or lack of) from his brother.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Finn!”

You pulled the robe around you tighter, a light jog over to take his place, bare feet padding across the wooden floor, to actually assist your husband.

Finn looked away, leaning against the bannister as the three of you made your way down the hall to Charlie’s room.

His blonde hair fell in his face as he tried to avoid Tommy’s gaze, sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

“Feel like shit already, eh?”

“Dad,” Charlie groaned, that being the last you heard out of him before you made your way back to the landing.

“Downstairs.” You passed by him, not bothering to wait to make sure he listened, he knew better than to not follow, “Now.”

He grumbled, but followed behind you, knowing he was in for a good reaming.

“I can’t believe you,” he took the stairs two at a time to keep up with you as you stood in the entryway, fishing the pack of Marlboro lights out of your coat pocket, “it would be different if it was the first time, Finn—“

“C’mon, Y/N, he’s not a kid anymore—“

“Yes, Finn, he is!” You lit the cigarette, glancing up at the full moon and taking a long drag before toeing open the front door, “I know that your life, and the things you’ve all seen, was a lot different growing up, but he is fifteen!”

He looked away, slumping against the wall with a huff, arms crossed.

“Charlie is a good kid!”

“Finn!” Tommy’s voice bellowed down the stairs, preceding his presence (now dressed in more than just his underwear), and interrupted your tirade before you could continue.

You stayed in the door frame, blowing the smoke outside as Tommy rounded the corner. Anger taking the form of heat rising in your neck as you tried to take a deep breath and calm yourself.

“Was he into the fucking coke?”

Finn started to shake his head, glancing sideways at you before looking back at Tommy. “I don’t know,” he shrugged, words still a bit slurred, “I went off for a little bit. I think he’s just tanked.”

Tommy locked eyes with you, and unfortunately you mimicked Finn’s shrug as he huffed his way back up the stairs.

“He is a good kid,” you continued, discarding the cigarette but out into the gravel drive and lighting another before glancing up at the clock, hands pointed at 3:45, and running a hand through your hair, “and he has set himself up on a good path in school, his extracurriculars are all in order, and not that we need it but he is looking at one hell of a scholarship if he can keep his grades where they are. I know it’s summer,” you sighed, “but I can’t keep having you bring my boy—“

He scoffed, “That’s part of the fucking problem, Y/N! He’s a Shelby! He’s not your boy!”

His voice came out in a roar that immediately had you taken aback, heart trembling and sinking into your stomach before you caught his gaze.

Blinking twice, you took a deep, shuddering, breath, “Go the fuck upstairs and go to bed, Finn.”

“Y/N—“

“No. Don’t you dare try to fucking apologize to me now.”

Tears stung in the corner of your eyes as you brushed past him, smoke rolling along with you as you made your way through the hall and down into the kitchen.

The coffee maker hissed to life as you leaned on your elbows in front of it, swiping tears from under your eyes every 30 seconds or so.

He’s not your boy.

The words rang in your ears painfully as you heard approaching footsteps.

“Staying up?”

You sighed, turning and leaning against the counter, eyes roaming the white tiles all up the walls as you continued viscously chewing the inside of your lip and Tommy assed your state.

You had thought about finding the bag of crisps when you went down there, but by the time the words actually sank in, you realized nothing sounded good anymore.

“Yeah, I figured,” you sniffled, turning away to pull two cups out of the cupboards, “I have a lot to catch up on, I need to find vendors and source donations for that benefit, the women’s shelter—“

“Love, what happened?”

Your shoulders relaxed as he wrapped his arms around your waist, featherlight kisses pressed into the crook of your neck.

Sometimes you hated that he knew what made you tick.

A long sigh passed between your lips, weighing your words before you spoke.

“Hm?” He prodded, rocking you both back and forth as you shrugged.

“Just another reminder of—“ that I’m not able to hold a candle to your dead wife? No, there was no good that was going to come from the rest of that sentence. Instead, you shook your head, stopping the sentence, pouring coffee in both of the cups, “I know I’m not Charlie’s mother—“

“Who said?”

“Tommy,” you shrugged him off of you, turning to face him, safe and close in the space between him and the counter, “I just, for once, wish what goes on in our household could stay in our little bubble.”

He tried to search your face for the answer to his question as you relinquished one of the mugs to him. You knew you probably weren’t making sense.

“Finn, reminded me, when I was giving him hell, that Charlie isn’t my boy.” You nodded.

“He’s just pissed out of his mind, hurling his guts into the bowl in the hall bathroom right now.”

“Like that’s an excuse.” You shot back, heading to leave the kitchen as he reached for you again.

“No,” you shook your head, picking the still burning cigarette off the tea saucer you’d grabbed from the sink, “you’re not going to manage to fuck your way out of that one. I know I’m not a Shelby by blood, but god damn Tommy, you always manage to explain away their shit and I’m getting sick of it.”

You shook your head, letting the cigarette hang from your mouth like he would usually do while he worked.

“We even had a good day today, too.”

You heard the whispered “fuck” as you meandered your way through the house, slamming the heavy wooden door to your office behind you.

The only person you felt bad that it might have woken woken up was Frances. Bless her.

She needed a raise for putting up with all of you.

[capturethechaos]

Masterlist

Request - going to the zoo and pointing out the coolest animals | reader is a photographer

Words - 2.6k

Warnings - None! It's pure fluff ♡

A/n - this one is so soft it makes my heart melt, I had so much fun making this fic using these wonderful prompts ♡ Ps. Huge thank you to Fallon and Lucie for giving the finished piece a read through for me before I published it for all you lovely folks ♡

Josh was already in the shower when you woke up from your slumber, the sounds of the water hitting the tile pairing with the quiet humming of your boyfriend. It wasn’t the strangest thing for him to be awake before you, but when you turned over and found that his alarm hadn’t even gone off yet, you couldn’t help but wonder what had him so eager to start the day. You remained beneath the covers, cuddling into the blankets and watching the door to the en-suite bathroom as the water from the shower shut off.

A few minutes passed before Josh emerged from the bathroom, buck-ass naked, and humming ‘Annie’s Song’. His eyes scanned the quiet bedroom, stopping when he realized that when he looked at what he assumed to be your still sleeping body, you were staring back at him. You watched as he sauntered over to the bed, crawling across the comforter until his face was hovering over yours.

“Good morning, darling.” His smile was soft as he looked down at you, though after a minute of silence, you watched his nose scrunch up. “You’re not sleeping with your eyes open are you? ‘Cause that would be creepy.”

You giggled, shook your head, and watched as Josh’s smile widened. “There she is.” He leaned down, pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to your lips. “Hi, my dearest.”

“Good morning, my love. What’s got you out of bed so early?”

He hummed, trailing his lips along your jawline in scattered kisses, until his lips brushed the shell of your ear. “No earlier than normal.”

It was comedic really, the timing in which the words left his mouth, and the alarm on his phone began to chime. You raised an eyebrow at him, and struggled to hold back a laugh as he leaned over to stop the alarm. “I know how long you usually take to shower, Josh.”

In lieu of a verbal response, Josh simply nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, relaxing more of his body weight onto you. You giggled at his avoidance, and lifted a hand to the buzzed side of his head. “Come on, babe. You’re only up this early if you're excited about something or you’re forced to be awake.”

“I’m just excited to spend the day with you.”

You smiled, listening to the muffled sigh of approval that came from him as you traced your fingers gently along his scalp. “Oh yeah? Excited to do laundry and go grocery shopping?”

“No, actually.” Josh lifted himself up, looking you in the eye with a wide grin spread on his lips. “I’ve got a special day planned for us.”

You cocked a brow at him, urging him to continue, but his grin just fell to a smirk, and he lifted himself off of you. You watched as he sauntered over to the closet, disappearing for a moment before returning in what you had on multiple occasions expressed to be your favourite of his casual jumpsuits. The brilliant emerald green bringing out the blushed tones of his skin. He had something else draped over his forearm, and you suspected it was something for you to wear. 

Your suspicions were confirmed when he made his way over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of clean panties and a bra for you before making his way back to the bed. “Come on, sleepy, out of bed.”

 Josh chuckled at the groan that escaped from you as you flung the comforter off of yourself and stretched. There was no shame in his gaze as his eyes scanned over your body, taking in the sight of you laid out in front of him, your sleep shirt bunched up just beneath your breasts, and a simple pair of cotton panties hugging the curve of your hips. 

He took your hands as you sat up, leading you to the edge of the bed. He kept you planted on the edge of the mattress, standing between your legs as he slowly peeled the shirt from over your torso. A shiver ran down your spine as the cool breeze coming through the window kissed your newly bare skin, and Josh simply smiled as he looked at you, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your lips. “Lay down for a second, darling.”

You followed his instruction, dropping back onto the plush comforter as his hands found the fabric of your panties, dragging them down your legs and tossing them into the laundry hamper before replacing them with the clean panties he had selected for you. He offered a hand to you, pulling you swiftly off of the bed, and into his arms. 

His hands were warm, gently gripping onto your sides as his thumbs brushed back and forth over your skin. The expression on his face was hard to read. There was something, some kind of tension that he was trying to keep hidden, but above anything else, what you could see was the adoration he has for you. 

He leaned over to grab the bra from where he had tossed it onto the bed, helping you to get it on before taking a step away from you. His eyes wandered, taking time to appreciate the matching set he had chosen. Both pieces were  a sheer, soft, cream lace, covered in small embroidered blue flowers. It was a gift he had bought you during their last tour, as you spent the day exploring together in Italy. It quickly became your favourite set that you owned, and had remained as such since. 

Josh let you get into the dress yourself, switching spots with you and sitting down on the bed to watch you go about getting ready. One of his favorite things to watch you do was your makeup, he especially loved the face you made trying to concentrate on not poking yourself in the eye with the mascara wand. 

“So.” You carefully brushed the formula on your eyelashes, knowing fully well that he was watching you. “Are you going to give me any hints as to what these exciting plans are that you’ve made for us today?”

“Hmmm.” He slid from the bed, making the short journey into the bathroom and wrapping his arms around you as you cleaned any smeared makeup from your skin. His head dipped to the curve of your neck, and his lips left a warm, lingering kiss. “No, I don’t think I will.”

It took another twenty minutes for the two of you to leave the house, with Josh following along behind you, telling all of the little things you would and would not need to bring along with you. Josh opened the car door for you, and took whatever bags you had, including your camera, placing them in the back seat for you while you got buckled in. 

You couldn’t count the amount of times you asked him to at least hint at where the two of you were going, but he wouldn’t budge. He sat in the driver's seat with a shit eating grin on his face, and his hand wrapped around yours, singing along to the music you were playing. 

But the further he drove, the more you recognized the route. You had seen this road hundreds of times, and each time you would do the same thing.

“Are we going to the zoo?”

You watched as the small grin on his lips grew, and he turned into the large parking lot of the zoo. Josh waited until the car was parked to fully turn to you with his now wide smile. “Surprise.”

The two of you spent hours exploring, looking at each habitat in depth, learning new things about animals you hadn’t seen since you were children visiting the zoo with your parents. 

You loved taking photos, of both the animals, and of your charmingly eager boyfriend as he fed some of the animals, his favourite being the giraffes. Both you and Josh lost track of time as you sat in front of the otter exhibit, both lost in fascination as they adorable little critters swam around, doing little tricks for treats from the keeper. They seemed to love the two of you as well, swimming over and interacting with the two of you as much as they could, one even stayed on the flat rock but just above the two of you in their enclosure, remaining close enough to interact with the two of you whenever it wanted. 

It seemed Josh was only brought out of his trance by the buzzing of his cellphone in his pocket. You watched his demeanor change as he unlocked his phone, and he quickly stood from his spot next to you on the concrete, holding out his hand to help you up off of the ground. “Come on, I wanna show you something cool, but we have to hurry.”

You took his hand, feeling his strength assisting you from the ground. He kept his hand wrapped around yours as he began to walk, and you had to quickly catch up to his walking speed as he led you away from the otters. 

Josh was a step ahead of you, borderline jogging in order to get to wherever the hell he was trying to go. You followed, watching the faces of certain guests change as they either realized who he was, or in curiosity as to why the two of you were speeding through the park. 

Your eyes remained on him as he came to a stop, and as you followed his gaze, your eyes landed on the large enclosure in front of you. Inside was a group of about a dozen penguins, swimming in the water ahead of you, or waddling together through the enclosure. He had turned to look at you as you realized where the two of you were, so when you turned back to him, he was already smiling back. “I love penguins.”

“I know you do, darling. So I may have pulled some strings, so we get to go into the back and meet them.” 

You beamed with excitement and followed as Josh turned to lead you once again, coming to a halt in front of a large door, and the zoo employee leaning against it. You watched as the man's eyes locked on you and Josh, a smile spreading across his lips as he stepped forward. “Josh! Good to see you, man.”

Josh smiled back, letting go of your hand and reaching forward to shake. “Good to see you again, Owen.”  He looked back to you, holding out his hand for you once again. “This is my wonderful girlfriend, Y/n.”

Owen’s eyes wandered to you, and he gave you a friendly smile. “Josh has told me a lot about you.”

You returned the smile, turning briefly to Josh with an eyebrow raised before looking back at Owen. “Hopefully all good things.”

He chuckled and nodded. “All good, promise. He mentioned that you’re a photographer.” You nodded, lifting the camera occupying one of your hands. “And that you like penguins.”

You chuckled, lightly squeezing Josh’s hand. “Both are true.”

“Perfect. Are the two of you ready to head in?” 

Both you and Josh nodded, and followed as Owen opened the large metal doors. You were led into a very sterile looking room, clearly one that is cleaned often, and were instructed on where you could put your belongings before being told where you should stand.

Josh missed seeing the penguins enter the room, as he was too busy watching your face light up as the more employees opened the doors, welcoming in a small group of the animals. The two of you spent a while simply listening to the keepers talk about the penguins, even allowing you to feed them. You happily captured photos of them, and Josh interacting with them for a while, before Owen walked up and tapped you on the shoulder. “Hey, if you’d like, I can get some pictures of the two of you. I do some of the photography for the zoo, so I promise the pictures won’t suck.”

You smiled and handed him the camera, shuffling happily towards Josh as he watched a pair cuddle up together away from the rest of the penguins. As you stepped closer, you brushed your hand against his, and his head turned, a smile growing on his lips as he caught sight of you and his fingers intertwined with your own. “You definitely know more about penguins than I do… but do you want to know my favorite fact about penguins?”

You smiled, leaning against his shoulder and looking at him. “Of course I do.”

He hummed, shoving his free hand in his pocket as he continued to look at you. “When a male penguin wishes to… make his affections known to a female, he finds the smoothest rock he can, and sometimes they even fight other penguins over the rocks, and when he finds the perfect one, he presents it to the female he wants to court.”

You noticed his gaze fall from your own, and when you followed it, you found the hand he had shoved in his pocket was held between the two of you, a small, smooth rock held between his forefinger and thumb. He watched the information process in your brain, and when you looked back up at him, he wore a cheesy grin on his lips. “If this isn’t your style, I also have this.”

His hand returned to his pocket, and from within he produced a small velvet box. Sitting in the small cushioning beneath the lid was the ring you had been dreaming of receiving since you were a little girl, the ring your grandmother had been given when your grandfather asked for her hand in marriage.

“Josh.”

He stepped in front of you, lifting the hand he had wrapped around yours until the back of your hand was resting over his rapidly beating heart. “I love you, Y/n. With every fiber of my being, I am yours. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life loving you. I want to be able to call you my wife, to tell people about how I knew from the moment I met you that I was going to marry you one day. Please, my darling love, will you marry me?”

Your free hand lifted to the side of his face, your palm brushing against his cheek as your eyes began to water, and your heart fluttered. “I would love nothing more than to marry you, Josh. I love you so much.”

His lips crashed against your own as his hand clumsily tried to find yours, struggling for a moment before sliding the ring onto your finger. The two of you stood there for what felt like forever, kissing like it would be the last time you ever could, but it was tender, and slow, pouring all of the emotions each of you were feeling into the connection of your lips. 

Even as the two of you fought for air, his lips found yours between each breath. Chuckling a little to himself as he pulled you ever closer to his own body. 

“What are you laughing about?”

He untangled his hand from yours, wrapping both of his arms around your waist as his forehead came to rest against your own. “Would you believe me if I told you that one of my original ideas for this proposal involved Jake, Sam, and Danny in penguin suits?”

It was your turn to laugh, and as a giggle fell from between your lips, you nodded. “I absolutely would believe you, Josh, and I love you for that.”

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[perpetuelledaydreaming]

18 | chapter seventeenth

summary: not everything's so easy, not with you placing walls and billy not telling you what he thinks.

warnings: light smuttt.

listen to: How do I make you love me - The Weeknd | Go fuck yourself - Two Feet | U- Kendrick Lamar | Bad Romance - Lady Gaga (playlist here)

Please go look at the playlist, I revamped it all so you can read the chapters with the new songs and also maybe give your guesses of what's coming next given the songs?

word count: 4.2k

series masterlist + read the next chapter early on my ko-fi!!

Billy’d debated for the past few weeks what his favorite sound was. It was always between your laughter or your moans, couldn’t quite decide what he loved more. Though, today was the first day that you’d moaned his name as you ground against him while you kissed him in his Camaro. He’d suggested the first time the week prior after your debate, he parked at the farthest spot he could so no one would be able to see how you climbed into or where you went. Billy’d find a quiet place near the forest on the side of a less occupied road. It was always during lunchtime since you’d realized that making out or doing more in some places at school would simply make you have a panic attack eventually and you truly needed to work during detention since you’d been called out by the Principal saying that the last three detentions you’d barely made any progress. 

You tried not to laugh but there was a hint of a smile on Billy’s lips as he thought about what you’d done in the library. Therefore, the Camaro would become your routine. Lunchtime arrived, you would tell Eddie or Robin, depending on who you were walking to lunch with that you needed to study for something since you didn’t have time because of detention; meanwhile, Billy would tell the people he wanted to be alone, snap at them if they’d any questions and drive the Camaro to where you would usually meet. 

A few cars would pass here and there but they wouldn’t blink an eye at the Camaro, the speed that would usually drive through the road wouldn’t give them the time to actually check out what was happening inside of the Camaro. 

They wouldn’t be able to see both of your legs curled up on Billy’s side, one hand wedged between both of your chests while the other weaved its way into Billy’s curls, tugging slightly as he kissed you roughly. His hands seared into your hips, digging into your sides as your skirts or dresses or shirts -depending on the day, would ride up a bit as he pushed his whole body against yours. 

The kisses were reckless, breathless, thunders, pure gasoline. Part of you hated it, hated how much your body craved him and that no one had made you feel like he could. You recalled the first day you’d met him, how you knew that he had broken so many hearts before, how you knew that he tossed girls aside without any care in the world and how you’d sworn to yourself that you wouldn’t be another one of the bunch.

And yet, there you were. His name spilled from your lips like it was a prayer. 

You definitely hadn’t learned anything. 

Instead, the need had begrudgingly only grown stronger, developing into an everyday kind of thing over the course of the past week and a half. As much as it pained you to believe it, you couldn’t keep your hands off of him and you wished he’d never take his hands off of you.

“Billy,” you breathed against his mouth, as you gyrated your hips on his lap in slow circles. Absolutely loved the way he seemed to respond, he was so hard that you could barely focus by the way he was pressing against you. 

You pressed your lips harder against his as Billy’s hands moved up and down your sides, into your hair then back down again. He wanted to touch you everywhere, all at once, every square inch of your body; which only made you want him more. You tug at his neck pulling him into you as closely as you possibly could. Billy makes some strained sound before he pulled your hips harder against him. He can feel you, your underwear wrecked allowing him to feel how warm and wet and willing you were; you moaned and breathed against the other’s mouth. 

Billy knew he wanted to have you, he knew how much he wanted you and if it was with any other girl, he thought he might’ve done something already about it. But this was you, Billy simply felt like he could wait a little longer, pleasing you got him off just fine but as the days passed, his will became stronger. 

“You’re making this so hard,” Billy whispered before he was sucking on your neck and you were tugging at his hair, he sucked on the flesh of your chest as he nudged the sweater you were wearing down before he was pushing the shoulder of your sweater a bit down, exposing one of the cups of your bralette. 

“What?” you teased innocently as you cupped his face softly, forcing him to look up from your chest before pressing your lips to his jaw while still straddling him. 

“You’re such trouble, princess,” Billy smiled as he placed his large on the nape of your neck as guided you down to kiss you senselessly. 

Both of you smile into the kiss before Billy lets go of you, focusing on your chest that was littered with a few hickies he’d left there, just to remind you of him when you were alone. He loved it, to know that he’d marked you and that underneath those nice and preppy clothes that you wore, he was there. You often complained but you secretly loved it too. 

“Billy,” you whined as he kissed over the bralette, loving how you were arching your back toward him. 

For a moment, you realized how much Billy made you forget about everything around you. It didn’t matter if you were kissing senselessly, or if he was talking with you about a new song he’d heard on the radio, or if you were just close while reading your respective things; time seemed to fade away when you were close with him. 

Everything just paused, it was just you and him. 

You let out a shaky breath as you opened your eyes to see him working on you but as you were about to look down, from the distance you saw a familiar car driving up to where you were. 

As it got a bit closer to you, you realized whose it was. 

“Fuck,” you gasped before you were pushing Billy by his chest and you were climbing down from his lap. Billy was startled for a moment as he saw how you were dropping to your knees in the Camaro, climbing down his body. 

Effectively, you managed to hide, hiding your head on Billy’s lap as Craig’s car passed next to the Camaro. Your breathing was harsh, your heart probably was about to pop from your chest as you shook softly. The last time that Craig had found you while doing something you shouldn’t, you’d almost ended up in the hospital and it’d been the reason why you’d moved to Hawkins. He would probably kill you if he found out that you were sneaking out from school to go and make out with the resident bad boy of Hawkins. 

Billy noticed your harsh breathing right away, your pinched lips, and the distress in your eyes. He frowned softly as he stared at the car that had just passed in front of you, he recognized it from the time he went to your place. Something was up. Billy sighed as he softly pushed some stray hairs from your face as he looked down at you, observing you under him as you caught your breath for a moment. He got worried for a second, his mind wondering if you were having a panic attack but you were a little bit calmer than the first time he’d seen you get one, he, unfortunately, opted for light humor instead. 

“So, listen,” Billy started, making you look up to him. “I’m really not complaining but I wanted it to be special,” Billy said with a smirk. 

You glared at him. “Shut up,” you grumbled before you were climbing out of his legs and placed yourself on the passenger’s seat. 

Billy frowned at you, he opened his mouth but then choose to close it before he decided to start closing his shirt and rearranging his pants. You sighed as you began to fix yourself again, at the end of the day you would both need to be in class in less than twenty minutes. 

“What’s the deal with him?” Billy asked, turning to you as he turn on the engine. 

“With who?” you answered, it was clear as day that you were trying to play stupid, that you didn’t want to touch on whatever could’ve happened with your step-father but it only made Billy even more curious. 

“Your stepfather, you were hiding from him,” he explained as he began to drive you back to school.

You sighed, refusing to look at him while you gazed through the window. Billy tried to focus on the road but his eyes were searching for something in your face, any type of hint or clue that could clock him into what you were thinking. He’d come to find that you had even taller and stronger walls than him, you’d talked through the time that you’d spent together about many things but it was mostly kept at surface level or at small comments here and there, nothing too heavy or too personal. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you huffed as you looked farther into the forest, you were willing to hide your emotions by donning a casual tone. 

But Billy could read you, even through the harsh walls that you kept up, he could read you sometimes. He wasn’t sure how he did it and why it was with you that he felt such kinship but yet he did. He understood that there was something that was hurting you, a deep gash on your heart because you looked as white as a sheet, Billy could see it as his eyes flickered from the road to you. 

“Okay but you know that you can talk to me, right?” Billy stated, watching you softly as he parked in the usual spot he did. 

You would usually get out of the car as fast as you possibly could, making sure that no one would actually see you, especially now with the elections for class president being in just two weeks. No one could see you with him but today, you didn’t slip out of the car as you usually did. 

“I can?” you asked with a frown as you gazed back at Billy. 

He shrugged, his lips tight for a second before his eyes met yours. It was strange, how nervous you made him when you were looking at him like that, even though he’d been buried between your legs, he was still nervous about it. 

“Yeah, we are kind of friends, no?” he asked. 

“We are?”

Billy’s eyes narrowed while he frowned. “Stop answering my questions with questions,” he grumbled and you pinched the bridge of your nose. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just,” you sighed as you looked away for a second, your hands nervously twiddling with your sweater. “I didn’t think that we could, I thought we were just messing around,”

Billy pursed his lips. Just messing around, that was it? He thought to himself. He knew that you hadn’t had any real conversation regarding the stage of your relationship but he couldn’t help to feel his chest tighten as he heard what you believed it was. 

“Well, we are but,” 

“Yeah, and no one can know so I don’t think we need to talk about it,” you stated seriously while looking at him. 

Billy held his breath as he looked at you. It shouldn’t be fair, it shouldn’t be like this, at least not with you. And yet he didn’t know what to do or how to say that it wasn’t just messing around. 

“Right,” he finally breathed out as he looked away while you gave him a quick nod and climbed down off the Camaro. 

You felt your heart squeezing on your chest as you climbed down off the Camaro before you gazed back at Billy who was still looking away from you. He was so hard to read these days, not that he was ever easy to read but you couldn’t tell whether or not he agreed with what you’d said. It was even stranger that even though you knew exactly how far whatever you had was able to go, part of you longed for him to disagree with you but you still didn’t know exactly what you wanted him to say.

You walked away with that in your mind, not as attentive as you usually were but you truly couldn’t care that day enough to sneak around; you’d been there many times before and no one had said anything, you truly believed nothing would happen. Unbeknownst to you, though, there was always someone watching.

The day went on as usual, except for the fact that Billy didn’t come that day to Peaches as you’d hoped he did. You, though, tried not to mind. Telling yourself that it was okay if he had chosen not to see you, even though when you got out of cheerleading practice, you’d notice his Camaro still at school so you knew for a fact that he was in basketball practice. 

That night you took your bike for a run, as you tried to take your mind off Billy and what you’d talked about. You often feared getting closer to people, even more, now when you’d been hurt so many times before and with Billy… the thought of him hurting you petrified you. You were cautious, it was in your nature, you knew how much appearances could deceit you and with Billy, it seemed like his appearance matched with what you thought of him; even as you felt something, you didn’t know if you could trust him. 

You barely slept that night, tossing and turning in your bed as you thought about Billy’s eyes. When you arrived at school that day, you realized that you can finally breathe, you felt like you’d been gasping for air since the day before. 

You climbed down off your bike fairly quickly, walkman covering your ears as you blast music to keep your brain from thinking about Billy too much. Maybe that’s why you don’t notice the whispers or the stares as you enter the school; maybe, part of it is because you’d gotten used to people looking at you but at least not in the magnitude that they were currently watching you. 

It goes unnoticed by you until you reached your locker, taking some books out as you sighed tiredly when you realized that you had detention with Billy in the afternoon. You think about what to say that day if you were going to be brave enough to go to the Camaro, though you lose your train of thought as you are suddenly turned by a pair of hands on your shoulders. 

You flinch slightly as you find yourself being pressed against the locker by Robin, her eyes wide and frantic as her mouth moves. With your headphones still in your ears, you can barely listen to her and she notices your expression right away before she’s yanking your headphones off. 

“What the fuck, Robin?” you grumble as you take the headphones from her hand. 

You weren’t in a good mood that day, being startled in such a manner wasn’t a good way to start your day. Though, you do notice that she doesn’t care, ignoring your question completely before she speaks. 

“Are you sleeping with Billy Hargrove?” Robin asked. 

Your heart sunk as you stared back at Robin, your mind running a hundred miles per hour as you wondered what to say. Lie. No, Robin would be able to see the lie in your eyes. Don’t even entertain the idea of it. 

“What?” you ask her, your voice a bit wavery as you frowned. 

“I said, are you-”

“I know what you said!” you grumbled, your brows still furrowed. “Why would you think that!?”

Robin relaxed a bit, her grip on you being less strong than before. She was believing you, you just needed to nudge her more into it. 

“Everyone’s talking about how you were climbing down from his Camaro yesterday at lunch and since Billy’s been missing from lunch and you too, everyone’s wondering if,”

You didn’t let her finish, you needed to squash the rumor hard, and fast because there was no way that you could be associated with Hargrove. He could be the most popular kid at the school but you needed to keep your campaign clean and without associating yourself with one of the main bullies of the school; even more, in a small town like that you knew that rumors ran fast, you couldn’t allow it to get to the ears of Craig.

“Well, I mean I just went out with him to talk about our English project,” you explained to Robin who nodded softly, seemingly believing you completely. “You know that I can't stand him, right?” you lied as you watched Robin letting go of you. 

“Yeah,” she reasoned and you finally take a deep breath as you take her hand in yours.  

“Help me shut this down, please,” you pleaded with her, your jaw tight as you think about the ramifications of not being as careful as before. “No one can be thinking that!”

True to her word, Robin helped you through the day as you kept on receiving different looks and comments from people. You’d talked with each and every one of your study group in each class, you would bring up the topic in any way you could as always it wasn’t too obvious but you would clearly refuse any kind of association with Billy. 

“No way people are saying that!” “I can’t stand him, that’s why we fought in the cafeteria,” “He’s a bully, there’s no way that I could be friends with him,” “No, it’s about a stupid English project that Mrs. Clarke put us in,” “Yeah, he wishes,” “He’s been with every popular girl at the school, I don’t want to be another,”

There was a bitter taste in your mouth each time you finished a conversation where you denied that Billy was somehow close to you. You wondered how he’d been reacting to the rumors, you hadn’t really seen much of him that day, and when you went to your locker before lunch there wasn’t any note that let you know he was waiting for you in the Camaro. Part of you wanted to pretend that it was okay what you were doing, that it was okay to not have any association with him whatsoever, ignoring how your heartache each time you repeated that he’d been slutty and that you wouldn’t be another one of the bunch. 

And yet you were. 

By lunchtime, you just had to deal with one last group: The cheerleading squad. If the rumors had to end it should be there with some of the popular girls in the school. 

“So, what you’re saying is that you weren’t in the Camaro with him,” Erica, one of Chrissy’s best friends asked as you sat down at the table as poked her lunch. 

You rolled your eyes, you were aware of the skepticism in her voice, the lingering sarcasm. 

“I was but we were discussing our English project,” you replied as you narrowed your eyes at her. “How would you feel if there was a rumor like that about you?”

Chrissy quickly wrapped an arm around your shoulder, giving you a soft squeeze as she narrowed her eyes at Erica too. 

“You know, we don’t believe it, right?”

“Thank you, Chrissy,” you replied with a soft smile. 

Riley, one of the other girls giggled, though. “I would’ve liked it if the rumor was about me, Billy is so attractive,” she gushed, her hands on her heart as she swooned. 

“Yeah, until he’s dumping you for the next girl,” Jessica, another girl who had probably been with Billy given her sullen features spoke. 

“I’m pretty sure it was Tina who started the rumor,” Tammy commented and everyone at the table nodded. 

You frowned. 

“Tina?”

Chrissy pointed you to one of the girls that sat on the table for the popular kids, along with Jason, Carole, Tommy, and Billy. “She was with Billy during summer,” she explained to you. 

You’d seen her glaring at you before and you were sure that you had some classes with her, she belonged to Billy’s group, popular ones. You now understood, the reason for it all and it wasn’t new, she wanted Billy all for herself and you couldn’t help yourself to feel a bit of irritation as your gaze followed Chrissy’s. 

At least, until those electric blue eyes stole your attention as he sat down on the lunch table; Billy’s eyes were on you as he sat down with a coy smile while your face dropped, quickly becoming a blushing mess as you saw how he looked. You cursed how pretty the sunny day made his eyes and curls look, those pretty blue eyes that seemed like the ocean while he stared at you. 

And then, he fucking winked at you. 

Your stomach dropped as all of the cheerleaders immediately turned around to check on you, as if you’d just been caught on a lie, as if you weren’t someone to be trusted they narrowed their eyes at you, waiting for your response. You stared at Billy for a second, part of you wanted to go there and slapped him before you kissed him; but your better judgment got ahead of you. What would people actually think if you were hanging out with Billy, not only that but you were starting to have feelings for Hawkins's resident heartbreaker. How would Craig react?

You frowned at him, giving him the nastiest glare you’d given him before quickly turning to Chrissy and the other cheerleaders. 

“This is what I mean!” you squeaked, outrage lingering in your voice. 

The girls must’ve bought it. Some of them narrowed their eyes at Billy’s while others gasped as they realized that you truly didn’t have any interest in Billy Hargrove. They murmured in each other’s ear while they looked away from Billy and at you, already the rumor dilating from your fantastic skills as an actor. Relief washed over you as you gazed at them and nodded, while some looked back at Billy grinning up at him, happy that they now had a chance after they’d lost their hope.

And Billy?

Livid. 

He was staring at you with his jaw unhinged and a sharp glint in his eyes that made you realize that you might’ve overdone it. Billy didn’t show up for English that day and for the first time you didn’t blame him, you felt awfully bad for what you’d done, guilt filling your chest as you recalled the words that you’d spewed all day. Part of you believed that you were overthinking it, Billy was known for having multiple girls in his beck and call and you weren’t new to being another girl for an asshole that truly didn’t care about you. You truly believed that in approximately two weeks he must’ve found another girl to make out with in his Camaro and you would be another story; even more importantly, your reputation with the school and Craig wouldn’t be damaged by it. 

Billy fitted the type, that’s what you convinced yourself, and yet, you couldn’t help but feel dread as you thought of seeing him in detention. 

You left your locker before Robin or Eddie could catch you, you ran up to Steve but much to his confusion you told him that you would be late for detention, even if Mr. Clarke always took about twenty minutes after the last ring of the bell and you’d told him so. To your surprise, Billy was already at the library when you arrived and Mr. Clarke was late too. You didn’t want to say anything to him and Billy didn’t say a word as you waited for Mr. Clarke. You followed Mr. Clarke’s instruction once he arrived, you nodded attentively at him and Billy simply grunted in affirmation, and yet you believed he noticed your scowls. 

Mr. Clarke left you alone after ten minutes of supervising and it took almost another thirty minutes for either of you to speak. 

If you could’ve avoided it, you would’ve but Billy made it difficult for you not to. 

“You have to stop doing that,” you spat before giving him a stern look. 

Huffs and grunts accompanied by furious glares that were a bit too obvious to let pass began to hurt you in a deeper way than you would’ve ever wanted to admit. Billy could tell that he’d hurt your feelings by the little irritating gestures that he made for forty minutes and he was somehow impressed that you hadn’t snapped at him. 

But he didn’t react to your voice. Instead, he frowned as he heard your words but continue to stack the books as he’d done for the past forty minutes, he doesn’t grace you by looking you in the eye, which in turn just annoyed you even more. 

“Hey,” you exclaimed again as you rounded up on him, finally making him stop ignoring you. 

Billy simply narrowed his eyes in annoyance but remained silent as he gazed at you. You know you hurt him, you can see it in his eyes; even when you were fighting he’d never looked at you like that. 

“What I did at lunch today, I was just trying to squash a rumor that we’re sleeping together,” you said firmly. 

“Yeah, heard that,” Billy answered as he shrugged his shoulders while your brows furrowed.

“And what did you say?” you asked anxiously. 

“The truth, we haven’t slept together,” Billy replied firmly. “And who cares about what they think anyway?”

“I care,” you hissed, glancing at the main desk of the library where some old ladies were. “Look, I don’t want to get caught with you, so please just keep your distance until we see each other at lunch?”

Billy's eyes narrowed in annoyance. He had tried to ignore how he’d felt all day after you’d right down shut him down from being your friend, but with your attitude at lunch; he honestly only could feel like he dragging his heart through the floor.  

Billy Hargrove had always known that love wasn’t for him and yet, nothing had prepared him for when he was actually rejected by the girl that each day just assured him that love did exist by just breathing;  now it had made him realize that truly wasn’t for him. 

“You’re a hypocrite, you know?” he snapped at you. 

“What do you mean by that?”

Billy chuckled sourly at your question while you glared at his reaction. 

“You just want me to mess around, to distract you and when I do the same with other girls, I’m a playboy and an untrusty person,” He answered bitingly while you gave a step back as you realized how angry he actually was at you. 

And yet, as you studied his features, you realized that under that glare you could feel him saddened by your action. 

“Billy,” your voice a bit softer than before. “I didn’t mean… I thought that we were just messing around. It’s not like we’re in a relationship or anything of the sort.” you reasoned, adverting your gaze while staring at the ground. 

Billy scoffed. “So, this thing between us, is just you using me?”

“I’m not using you,” you replied quickly. 

You would never use him, you just didn’t want to get hurt. 

Billy stared at you, letting the silence sit in for a moment as your gazes met. Billy hated that you looked so beautiful, hated that you were the cause of his heart racing in such a manner, hated that you were the thing that kept him up all night and the thing he dreamed about when he managed to sleep. He wondered if he should just come right out and say it, his feelings about you but that wounded part of his soul didn’t allow him to say anything. 

He had enough misery for a lifetime, he couldn’t be rejected right out of the gate. 

“You really don’t like me?” Billy finally asked softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

You sighed as you watched him carefully, your heart racing as you took in his scent. 

Yes, yes I do, you thought but you couldn’t bear yourself to say it. 

“Don’t do this, Billy” you pleaded with him, your eyes soft. 

He wanted to kiss you when you were looking at him like that. 

He didn’t though. 

“I’m not your toy, y/n,” he stated. “I actually care about you and this, I just don’t want to do this if you truly feel nothing,”

“Billy,”

He let go of you abruptly as he walked away from the library, and out he went. You stood there, in the library as you ran a hand through your hair and wondered how badly you’d fucked up. 

***

author's note: this is a sad chapter but chapter 18 will be special, I swearrrrr it. I hope you enjoy this chapter! lmk what you think about it!

***

taglist: @happypopcornprincess @hannahnikohl @thescarlettvvitch @nymphadora000 @phishyie @amethystx3 @jaziscool @vixionix @gloryekaterina @alicetweven @frogtits1 @meg11111111 @pillowjj @fan1237 @bucky-daddy-barnes @starloriha @make-me-imagine @piper570 @dedicated2viktor @zanmorgan @queenofshinigamis @literally-a-ferret @slutformaddyperez @milkiane @mysterygirl-14 @oli-leo-ska @tsukibaby1 @samwilsonlove @theshinyrock @belledawnidk @the-mysterious-miss-s @rio-mx @nobody-000 @rlvslouis @linkpk88 @daygirl26 @steveharringtonswifey09 @alwaysbeenfamous @kazbrekkersangel @ilovewomen711 @allazay101 @finelineskies @dacresgff @that-levi-kenma-kinnie @riffcrusader @useless-snail @patheticreative @emmettcullenswife @milenadixon @whiskeypowder @ponyboys-sunsets @yunho-leeknow @kaillou66 @randomeddieblog @alltheficsiwant @crazyunsexycool

feedback hereeee or requests

buy me a glass of wine pls.

[victoriouscabaret]

Get to know you - tag game!

I was tagged by @preciouslittlebhaalbae - thank you! <3

Last song you listened to:  Bad Girls - M.I.A.

Favorite color: Green!

Currently watching: Nothing really. If I'm having a bath and don't feel like reading I'm working through Penny Dreadful again, but that's it. I found my ability to sit on the couch and watch things for extended periods went away when I quit smoking for some reason. Probably because being idle = cravings, so the more occupied I keep myself the better. Looking forward to the latest season of The Boys though!

Favorite flavor: Cherry flavored anything is usually a win for me. I crave that red dye. Bequeath unto mine buds the taste of red.

Current obsession: BG3 (Especially Astarion) has bewitched me, body and soul (I just left this from @preciouslittlebhaalbae's answer because it seemed stupid to delete it and re-type basically the exact same thing.) Also currently v obsessed with writing again for the first time in many years. Can I be obsessed with personal growth? Because that too.

Last thing I googled: "Do mosquitos bite more than once?" (I have Type O blood and they LOVE me because of it, but I'm also extremely allergic to their saliva, so the first few bites I get each summer are exceptionally reactive. I also have bed bug related PTSD having had two terrible experiences with them (I'm also very allergic to them), most recently a couple years ago, so like... every bug related itch immediately sends my mind to bed bugs.) If I was bitten by a vampire, I would probably go into anaphylactic shock or something.

Favorite season: Autumn! Summer is too hot, Spring is too unpredictable, and Winter can fuck all the way off. Autumn generally still has warm enough weather to enjoy being outside, the colours are utterly stunning, you get to wear fashionable and cozy clothing, it's spooky season, the air smells amazing, and it just has a vibe about it that makes me feel happy and peaceful.

Skill I’d like to learn: I'd like to explore archery/marksmanship more. I've done some over the years, and I have a bit of a knack for it (full disclosure: most of my "practice" has been in my eventual husband's garage with the fellas, many beers deep, lining up empties on the garage door frame and taking turns taking pot shots with my air soft gun. Ditto archery - just in our backyard years later with my little brother's recurve bow. It's just a really lovely feeling to have a bunch of big, burly mountain men arguing over who wants you around in the event of the apocalypse. I would hate to let them down.)

Best Advice: Don't worry so much about what people think - it's easier said than done, but really most people are actually too wrapped up in their own shit to care, and as long as what you're doing isn't actively harmful to yourself or anyone else, they can get over it (or not, because their feelings aren't your responsibility either :D)

Tags if you'd like to play! : @marlowethebard @scrytpe @myheartismadeofstars @thefallenangelsgang @babblebrain-blog @xxnashiraxx

[iced-coffeebean]

Had this sitting in my drafts for a hot second and I'm bored while I wait for the college week to end soooooooo I decided to work on this <3 _______ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

-

I'm not really sure tbh.

I've been in the Hetalia fandom since for a good while now but I never really gave the micronations a second thought. But as of recently, I've just been SO intrigued by them.

I got attached to Molossia cause he's a micronation in Nevada and I'm a Nevadan so I guess close proximity to him geographically??

I figured, "You know, since he's a micronation from my state, I should probably put in an effort to try to get to know him." So I began to do a bunch of research and stuff and I eventually started vibin with his character and then I was just "...Jesus christ, we are practically twins-"

Slowjamastan is another muse of mine because of his connection with Molossia. His possible backstory and upbringing is also just a really interesting thing to unravel so. He is in the brain at all times too ❗️❗️❗️

He's a relatively new character but he's already managed to snatch my heart <3

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

-

Anything I just don't really vibe with or that makes me uncomfortable. Usually, dead dove items unless I'm going INSANE and I want to emotionally wreck people but yk.

If you really want to know, you'd probably have to ask me 1 on 1 and I'd tell you. Just tell me your list and I'll tell you if I wouldn't vibe with it or not.

I also don't really like Russia all that much so I try to avoid writing him or mentioning him if possible. It's probably the Latvia kinnie in me but Russia gives me the ICK and Russia enjoyers also seem to spook me just a bit. Usually the people I've been around that like him don't end up being the best of lads so... Sorry </3

I'm also not a big fan of horror so, don't expect that much from me either </3

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

-

I'm not really sure tbh. I like the aspect of building out a character is possible and seeing them go through changes and such.

I really like writing AUs for things.

I also love writing Molossia and his relationships/interactions with other micronations, Slowjamastan in specific.

I'm slowly opening up to Ladonia and he already has a lot of canon interactions with him and even seems to be on really good terms with him so that I'm taking that and running with it.

I love werewolf AUs SO MUCH but I haven't yet to write one. Hopefully one day <3

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

-

They come to me in dreams-/j

Joking joking but tbh, I just exist tbh and they come to me.

I normally do a lot of research on characters and adapt their way of being/personality into how I think would fit for them based on the info I got for them.

For characters I'm really passionate about, I try to consume as much of their canon content as possible while reading fics available about them and trying to get into their shoes, yk?

I try to BE the character for a hot second to understand them better. It just helps thing imo.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

-

I ALWAYS HAVE MUSIC PLAYING

I need it. There are very few times I've tried writing things in silence but I don't usually get very far </3

I always try to listen to music or songs that fit the mood of what I'm writing. It just gives inspo and drive for the writing <3

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

-

I usually do things in the moment but depending on who I'm talking to, I try to better plan things out when I respond so I sound like a normal human being rather than the feral, impulsive mf I am.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

-

I love shipping <33 It makes things fun but I do enjoy characters and interactions between characters without the need for romance.

I just like how you can play around character in ways you probably couldn't before when you add a dash of romance or romantic uses into the mix.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

-

I'm some variation of Iced-Coffeebean on social medias and I usually go by Coffee. My 2p name (for shits and giggles) is Tea <3

I jokingly call myself *insert kinnie name* kinnie on discord.

I'm also called Mythos due to that being the main DnD character I play.

So I go by Coffee, Tea, and/or Mythos <3

ᴀɢᴇ?

-

I'm 19 but sometimes I feel like I'm a 28-year-old stuck in a teen's body from how hyperindependant I am and how that makes me stress over everything and makes me hella overthink. I'm surrounded by people that are older than me but act so childish and it makes me wanna rip my hair out sometimes </3

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

-

I'm an Aquarius <3

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

-

I FUCKING LOVE GREEN!!!! GREENS LIKE MY TUMBLR PAGE SETUP AND DISCORD BANNER ARE SO ❗️❗️❗️

I also love navy blue, grays, tans, blacks, and lavender!

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

-

Shooting Star by Owl City is an ALL TIME BANGER But I have top 5 songs that are ROTTING my brain rn (no specific order):

Pedastal by Aiko

Roméo by Pierre De Maere

Zari by Marina Satti

Luktelk by Silvester Belt

Daughter of the Sun by Aiko

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

-

Breathless (1960) by Jean-Luc Godard

Had to watch it for my film class. It was okay.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

-

La Casa De Los Famosos for a reality show I've watched recently. Aside from that, probably either YGO or Hetalia. I don't remember. It's been a second.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

-

Appetite of a People-Pleaser by Ghost and Pals cause I'm going feral </3

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

-

I'd honestly kill for some pupusas de queso con chicharron. That with a non-alcoholic sangria and MMMM.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

-

Probably Spring or Fall.

As Nevadan, anything that isn't 116 F/46.6 C is WONDERFUL. But anything lower than 45 F/7.2 C is COLD for my desert ass </3

So naturally I enjoy the months that aren't actively trying to kill me. I've only seen snow twice in my lifetime in my city so if it starts snowing (despite me liking the idea of snow), I'd actually just combust into flames and explode.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

-

I guess you could say that @starfishes-and-watercolors is my Tumblr bestie <333

We met via AO3 and then chatted on here before moving to Discord. But she has seen the best and worst of me fandom wise and IRL wise.

She helped me stay motivated with YGO GX content, specifically Anikishipping content or Shou/Syrus content. She just deals with me being a Hetalia thot now but yeah, I still really care about her and I'm glad to have met her.

______ I was tagged by @heta-micronomics

Tagging: @starsmadeinheaven, @starfishes-and-watercolors, and @stardust-revolver

[theghostpinesmusic]

Surprise "new" album! This is the link to the YouTube playlist, but it's also up on Bandcamp for free/pay-what-you-like. If you want to know more about how it came together, keep reading!

So it's been almost three years now since June of 2021, when I released the four-album cycle of "Wilderness Amen," "Ride," "Maps," and "Fire and Rain," along with a demos collection titled "The Amen Demos" and an early proto-experiment with my looper titled "What Comes Around." It was a lot for one year, but I'd been working on all of those songs since at least 2017, it was just that COVID-19 and all of the disruptions it introduced (weirdly) gave me the time to finally get them all together in one place and finish them to my satisfaction.

I'd always planned to use some of my "off-time" during sabbatical to start working on a follow-up album. In 2022, I even bought a new stratocaster, expecting to use it to experiment with writing songs on an electric guitar for the first time. But, as usual, things didn't work out like I'd planned: life is full of both good and bad surprises, and I guess the most surprising thing of all is how often I have to relearn that particular lesson.

On the good side, I've spent a lot more time this year than I'd expected focusing on nonfiction writing, both related to my sabbatical and also, sometimes, just for fun. On the bad side, my main amp blew out almost two years ago, and I've been struggling since to find someone in the southern Oregon desert who can diagnose and fix it for less money than it would cost to buy a new one. In the meantime, I've been hesitant to start recording a new album with my $100 practice amp I bought twenty years ago, for obvious reasons.

I hadn't planned, then, on making this "new" album at all. About nine months ago, I had the thought to record a "single" featuring two of my favorite cover songs: The Grateful Dead's "Ship of Fools" and Goose's "A Western Sun." I wanted to record the main performance without amps, just me and an acoustic guitar, and then maybe overdub in a second, electric guitar once my amp was fixed. So I mic'd the studio for acoustic and vocals only, got the levels to where I wanted, and then realized I needed to practice both songs a bunch more for them to be satisfying takes/tributes.

With a few hours still left to play around in the studio on that first day, and having already played each of the two cover songs ten or so times, I decided to play through a bunch of my original songs, using the "alternate" arrangments of them I'd been developing over the previous two years or so of Instagram livestream sets. I recorded fifteen songs that way, with the sound in the room dialed in for acoustic guitar better (in my opinion) than I'd ever gotten it before.

It wasn't until months later that I listened back to what I'd recorded that I realized it could be a sort of alternate-universe version of one of the albums I'd released in 2021, and thus maybe worth a release itself. I eventually edited the fifteen songs down to the ten you have here and messed with a few EQ and gain levels, but otherwise these performances are exactly as they were recorded that first day of what was supposed to longer sessions for the "Ship of Fools"/"A Western Sun" single…which will still get finished one of these days, amp repair willing.

I put out my first-ever album in 2006, and it was titled "Not California," after one of the songs on it. Immediately after, in early 2007, I bought my first-ever electric guitar and amplifier (ironically, the one that's currently kaput), and immediately had the idea of redoing the mostly-acoustic "Not California" album as this loud, crashy, electric-guitar thing. I would call it just "California," as a way of emphasizing both its relationship to the original album and also its different, almost opposite tone.

I worked on the idea for a few months (it's where "Acteon's Groove" and "Cassie's Song" came from, among other things), but in the end I was, frankly, not good enough yet at guitar to make it sound like I wanted it to. But you probably get where I'm going with this. Basically, when I realized that this current, all-acoustic alternate-universe set of songs was maybe worth releasing, I thought it might be fun to resurrect the "California" album title. Also, this album starts off with a version of my song "California," so there's that, too.

It's definitely quieter than that original "California" album would have been, but it's a realization of that idea of writing some songs, releasing them, and then going back and playing with them until they turn into something else…and then releasing that, too, because hey, why not? Technically, each track on this album is already available elsewhere in its "original" studio configuration, so in that sense nothing here is truly "new": however, each song is re-arranged here in a way that I've come to really like. These re-arrangments are the result of years of playing these songs live, on livestreams, and in the studio, and in that time finding new facets of my original ideas that I thought were worth exploring. The album's cover, a photo I took of the Trinity Alps from Echo Lake, is meant to visually represent this process of rediscovery, reflection, and recreation: the longer I play these songs, the more reflections I find.

I hope you enjoy listening!

[sasuhinasno1fan]

Wish come true - Adrien AUGrest Day 23, 24 & 25

I know this is technically a day late but I thought it wouldn't be right to build up the idea of Kitty Section's biggest gig and not write it for you. Which turned out to be harder than I thought when you've only actually gone to one concert that has an opening act and you can't for the life of you remember how it went. So EtherealGenie, who once again betaed this chapter, had to give me advice on how it should work.

Also coming up with the set list for this was hard. So when describing Kitty Section's sound, my first thought when I watched the Hardrock episode was metal but I guess it also fits into rock. Kawaii metal was how it was described in a story by Mikauzoran (who is an amazing lukadrien writer and you should totally read their work) and after listening to Babymetal, whose song Gimme Chocolate is featured as the group's opening number, I thought it fit. But since I didn't want a technically French group singing a bunch of Japanese covers, I had to go looking through the metal and rock songs I have saved on my Spotify. I didn't realize how many of them start with death and destruction in the first few lyrics, so it made it pretty hard to decide, but below is their set list.

In terms of the actual prompt of the story, that part sort of worked since I needed an excuse for Luka to take off the ring he always has on. My original idea was so basic: luka gives Adrien one of his rings when he was messing with it and is able to find a near match and asks luka if he’d be ok wearing them as a sign of their relationship As in, Adrien is messing with one of Luka's rings when hanging out and Luka just gives it to him. I think I like this version better. Hopefully you do as well. And seriously, a massive thank you to EtherealGenie for betaing.

Gimme Chocolate - Babymetal From Persephone (the mentioned song that Rose wrote) - Kiki Rockwell Middle of the Night (J-Rock Cover) - Elley Duhé (J-Rock Cover by Shayne Orok & @Curserino) The Resistance - Skillet Invincible - Escape the Fate ft Lindsey Stirling

Rings

“Adrien, you need to eat something. You went through all the effort to bring us here.” Mylene said, though she knew she wasn’t getting through to the Italian keyboard player.

It was D-Day. Jagged Stone’s concert was that night and they were given instructions to be at the venue at 4 for sound check and then to get ready. They were grabbing an early dinner, since Penny hadn’t been sure if the venue would provide an extra meal. While they were all nervous, Adrien seemed to take it especially hard. Not only did he have the pressure of needing to impress Jagged a second time, there was also the fact that he was private with his personal life online and now he was putting himself in a position where everyone would want to find him.

“Give him some space. I mean, he didn’t make us chew at the charcuterie board while he took pictures.” Ivan recalled, laughing when Adrien glared at him instead of staring at the table like it had all the answers.

“We’ll be fine. but seriously, eat something, please? We have 30 minutes to make an impression and I think you’d be very upset if it got cut short because you fainted.” Luka said, pulling the plate of arancini closer to Adrien’s mostly empty plate. A few of the cheeses and meats from the board were on there but it was all spread out from him playing with it.

Adrien still didn’t move, his hands on his neck holding his head up while his fingers tugging at the strands of hair at the nape of his neck. It was a soothing technique he’d done since he was a kid, usually when he got very stressed. At first, he didn’t pay attention when he did it to the point he started to pull hair out. Now Adrien knew to fiddle or twirl it instead of yanking it in nerves. With his fingers occupied, food was the last thing on his mind.

“Here.” Luka put his knife and fork down, taking one of Adrien’s hands from his hair. He pulled off the ring he wore and slipped it on Adrien’s finger. Since Luka’s were bigger, the ring was loose. “Spin that with one hand and eat with the other.”

New fidget toy in hand, Adrien couldn’t really say no. he still didn’t eat nearly as much as they’d like but Mylene showed the others a text from Marinette, who was heading to the venue to get the costumes set and had been sent with quite a load of stuff from her parents. If anything, they could stuff his face at the venue.

Adrien continued to spin the ring when a car came get them from the restaurant, when being talked to by Penny and the sound technician about what they had to do for their sound check and more so when Marinette showed them their outfits. To keep them from overheating in their masks and shoulder pads, Marinette made them themed outfits that still had similar elements, still bringing their actual costumes for their last song.

“Feeling a bit better?” Mylene asked as Adrien and Juleka started setting up to do everyone’s make up.

“I guess. I mean the sound check went fine. Everyone in the class chat keeps sending encouraging messages. It’s just… scary.”

“My dad gets nervous performing too. He says to just take a deep breath, tell yourself what you want the best part to be and focus on getting to that part. If you stay focused on nailing that part then the rest doesn’t seem so scary.”

“Here’s hoping my nerves will actually listen to that.”

“Well,” taking the hand that still had Luka’s ring on it, Mylene smiled at him, rather mischievously, “I suppose a good luck charm doesn’t hurt.” She touched the pin Ivan had given her all that time ago.

Adrien hadn’t seen Luka without his accessories very much, so the fact that he’d given him his ring to keep him from tugging on his hair was silly, but it felt nice. He was always doing that, going out of his way to do things for him. Part of Adrien wondered if he was doing enough to show how much he appreciated it. Luka was looking to be his longest relationship, with past ones barely lasting long enough to feel real or stolen kisses rarely reaching the point of make out sessions. Luka was different and Adrien wanted him to know how much he saw that.

“Adrien,” Juleka said, distracting him from his thoughts, “I’ll do Ivan and you do Rose? I’ll do yours after so you can work on me.”

“Luka is getting his done too?” Mylene asked.

“Who do you think I practice on?” Juleka pointed out. “He already knows how to do his.”

Marinette had outdone herself. Jackets were the main replacement for their shoulder pads, but each of them still held the same style. Juleka’s was designed after an 80s David Bowie jacket, with the curved pointed shoulder pads that were studded. With her sleek low-rise leggings and her jacket zipped near to the top, she looked like a sophisticated rock star. Ivan’s design was as simple as his actual costume. Marinette still put his bracers on but replaced his harness with a sleeveless vest. Ivan’s costume didn’t have the same emphasis on shoulders like the others did, replaced with the bracers and armbands, but the jacket had the look of sleeves rolled all the way to the top, making them look slightly puffy, but not as severe as Juleka’s jacket.

“You look so good.” Mylene gushed, as Marinette tugged Ivan’s white shirt into place.

“I know you prefer shorts, but you make jeans look good.” Adrien said, from his place tying tiny pigtails into Rose’s hair.

“Do you really like it?” Ivan asked shyly. Mylene looked like a bobble head nodding her head.

Rose still held onto her favourite colorcolour with her pink plaid skirt, even if most of everything else she wore was black. Not her jacket though, Marinette made sure of that. To go with the roundness of her shoulder pads, she gave Rose an oversized puff sleeve on her jacket. Adrien’s was the most still like his costume, a shoulder cape attached to his form fitting tunic, while Luka’s was the most different. Luka’s outwear looked like a normal vintage cape coat with a collar similar to the one he wore with his costume. but Marinette added an attached shoulder pad, much like the one Mad Max had.

“You all look amazing! Marinette, nice work.” Penny complimented just as Marinette was done taking pictures. “I hope you guys are ready. Once we get your in-ears on, you guys are ready to head on stage.”

Nerves built back up as wires were tugged down their shirts and jackets and they reached the end of the wing. Rose gathered them in a huddle, Marinette and Mylene included.

“We can do this. Jagged Stone has technically heard us play remember. He stuck around after Desperada and Adrien knocked the socks off of him again just with a piano medley. We’re going to show him and everyone else that those are not one-time things.”

While the nerves were still building, it was a reminder they weren’t on their own on that stage.

“Unicorns and kitties, Kitty Section on three?” Ivan asked, dropping a hand into the middle.

They all dropped their hands on top of the next, bouncing as they counted down. “Unicorns and kitties, Kitty Section!”

The stage lights dimmed and the Kitty Section logo appeared on all the screens as entrance music started. There was general cheering, but none nearly as loud as the Kitty Section fans. But people were curious. Their on-air performance on TVi helped them get their foot through the door and Luka’s job as a delivery guy helped in finding coffee houses or places with open mics for them to perform at. Eventually, about two under age clubs let them perform small sets every few weeks and they started to have regulars come watch them. With Marinette busy with just about everything else, Mylene helped run their social media accounts. And since Jagged never missed a chance to talk about how amazing his graphic designer was, through Marinette, the band started to gain more popularity. The idea of a cutesy rock group with a sunshine lead singer who could metal scream was different. So when Jagged Stone posted that they’d be opening, Kitty Section fans could throw their money fast enough. 

The entrance music faded out as Adrien started the lead in for Babymetal’s Gimme Chocolate!! The lights came back dramatically as the rest of the band followed. Rose had written one new song but in the interest of not overloading herself, the group agreed to mostly do covers. Adrien spent what felt like every spare moment teaching Rose how to sing the song in Japanese instead of translating it. The two might split the song with Rose doing most of the singing but she wanted it to be perfect.

Atatata tata tatatata zukkyun!

Watatata tata tatatata dokkyun!

Zukkyun! Dokkyun! Zukkyun! Dokkyun!

Yada! Yada! Yada! Yada! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!

Chekera Chokoreeto Chokoreeto Cho! Cho! Cho! Iikana?

Demo ne chotto Weight Chotto saikin shinpai nan desu

Dakedo Chokoreeto Chokoreeto Cho! Cho! Cho! Iikana?

Demo ne chotto Wait Chotto matter Cho! Cho! Cho!

Give me!

Those who recognised the song, they started singing along with Rose, cheering as she did the choreography. Luka’s fingers slid across the fret of his guitar, Juleka following to the end of the song. The cheering and screaming was much louder now.

Adrien started the slow lead in, as Juleka let her guitar rest on her back to sing with Rose, switching with each verse.

You're all mistaken, mother, can't you see?

I was not taken, mother I chose to leave

'Cause I love my baby, tall, dark Hades, lord of death is down on her knees for me

No, I wasn't threatened, mother I was not bound

No, I wasn't carried, off on her three-headed hound

'Cause I packed my own bag, found my own way, down into the underground

As the song ended, Luka started to strum the familiar start to Middle of the Night with Ivan supporting, giving it a rock mood. Rose pulled her mic off the stand as she leaned against Juleka, who’d switched her guitar for her bass and joined in.

I summoned you, please come to me

Don't bury thoughts that you really want

I fill you up, drink from my cup

Within me lies what you really want

Come, lay me down

'Cause you know this

'Cause you know this sound

The well known song seemed to be a hit as the crowd joined in singing, not missing a beat, even as it was played as a rock version. They had to wait for the crowd to quiet a little to hear Luka counting the band off so they could start at the same time.

I am a nation, I am a million faces

Formed together, made for elevation

I am a soldier, I won't surrender

Faith is like a fire that never burns to embers

(Who's gonna stand up, who's gonna fight?)

The voice of the unheard

(Who's gonna break these chains and lies?)

Love is the answer

Juleka leaned into her mic.

I gotta speak it, believe it, that's how I feel inside

(I) I (I), can't, can't sit here quiet

You can take my heart, you can take my breath

When you pry it from my cold, dead chest

Adrien joined the girls for the chorus.

This is how we rise up

Heavy as a hurricane, louder than a freight train

This is how we rise up

Heart is beating faster, feels like thunder

Magic, static, call me a fanatic

It's our world, they can never have it

This is how we rise up

It's our resistance, you can't resist us

At the false end, Juleka quickly pulled her bass off and switched to her guitar, going into the solo. Meanwhile, Luka put his guitar on its stand and picked up a violin and its bow from the stand next to his guitar. Resting the shoulder rest on his shoulder and resting his chin into the correct place, he nodded to Juleka and Adrien, who immediately moved into the opening of the next song.

I know you're reaching for the throne

Like it's always been your own

You're gonna take it all the way

You're gonna take the crown today

Said I know you're gonna take it all, take it all

Watch the others as they fall, as they fall

I know you're gonna take it all, take it all

Let the others fall

You're invincible

As Luka brought the song to a close with the small violin solo, Rose caught Penny’s eye as the assistant gave her a thumbs up.

“Give it up for Luka on lead guitar and violin!” as the crowd cheered, Marinette and Mylene came on stage, carrying familiar costumes. Rose put her mic back on its stand to free her hands. “Juleka on rhythm guitar, bass and vocals, Ivan on drums and Adrien on keys and vocals! I’m Rose on lead.” Rose announced as Marinette handed over the pink shoulder pads, the matching masks dangling from her finger.

“A round of applause for Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Mylene Haprèle!” Adrien said, fitting his mask on the side of his head. It felt strange that they were dressing like XY had when he stole their song, but playing a set made them sweat and it’d been agreed during dress rehearsal that no one wanted to wear the mask properly, even if for only one song.

Once the girls were off stage, Rose lifted a hand into the air, “Good evening and good night, everyone! We are Kitty Section! One, two, three!”

You know I love unicorns

Yeah, nothing makes me feel better!

I see their faces everywhere I go

Dreaming about them at the nights!

You know I love unicorns

And that they make me feel better!

                                     _______________________

“Crap, crap, crap. Porca miseria! Where is it?”

The concert came to an end, Jagged Stone performed for the masses and sung their praises at least three times, even pointing out a wayward sign from a fan. Knowing they had a following should have sent Adrien flying. And it did. I mean, they actually did it. They impressed Jagged Stone. He promised he’d help keep Bob Roth on a leash and actually listen to them – though they all knew if he failed, Captain Anarka would be more than happy to string him around again. Felix managed to make it and so far, the Captain gave as good as Felix could give. Adrien was sure Felix would profess his love with how easily they clashed together. He should be with them, teasing Felix to keep going, listening to Luka sigh about how he was setting the Londoner for his own death, gushing about how their life would change, even if the band only lasted a year because who really knew? Instead, he was doing what he tried to slyly do when Jagged Stone invited the band back on stage to perform Amaranthine with him. With Jagged behind his grand piano, it left Adrien free to move across the stage as he sang, like he was doing now, even as he dodged questioning staff.

The ring Luka had given him to mess with was missing. 

Adrien had put it back on after they were done getting ready to help keep him occupied but he’d slipped it into his pocket when he got behind his keyboard. He didn’t think he’d moved around much, other than jumping a little but with no hole in his pocket to justify it, it had to have fallen out. He hadn’t noticed until he went looking for it as nerves picked up again when he remembered they’d have to go back out for their joint performance. Luka took off an accessory he constantly wore and gave it to him so he could eat and here Adrien was, repaying him by losing it.

“There you are.” Felix, still perfectly dressed as ever, stepped around staff members, Marc of all people following behind. “Everyone’s looking for you. what are you doing?”

“I lost Luka’s ring. He never takes it off but he gave it to me and I lost it!”

“Woah, easy. It wouldn’t be a good look for you to be singing songs that could be taken about resisting against Hawkmoth then getting akumatized later. Start explaining. SLOWER this time.” Felix ordered.

Adrien took a deep breath before speaking again. “Luka, he wears this black and silver ring. I was too nervous to eat and when I got nervous, I couldn't take my hands off my hair so Luka gave me his ring to mess with instead so my hands would be free. I kept it with me the whole time in my pocket and now it’s gone. It went missing before we went on stage a second time.”

“Is it important?” Marc asked.

Adrien shrugged, turning back to look at the ground. “I don’t know. I just know I’ve never seen him without it. Ugh, like it’s not bad enough I feel like a bad boyfriend sometimes.”

“Ok seriously? You’re not a bad boyfriend. Luka doesn’t strike me as the type to just date someone who didn’t have the same feelings for him.”

“He’s right.” Marc said. “Luka’s empathic nature wouldn’t be able to handle a relationship where the person wasn’t as in the relationship as he was. He’ll understand if you tell him.”

“If it turns out it’s important, we’ll help you look. Bug the staff or whatever. I don’t think it would have gone into the crowd since you weren’t close to the edge of the stage.”

Adrien knew they were right and after one more search around the stage, he went to the greenroom where their class was. The rest of Kitty Section were gushing about their hopes for their new adventure. Spotting Adrien, Luka left the others, coming over.

“I was wondering where you were. You didn’t even change out of your stage clothes. What’s wrong?”

“Um,” Adrien scuffed his shoe against the floor before looking up. “The ring you leant me. I lost it, I’m sorry. I don’t know how. I had it and now it’s gone.”

“Hey,” Luka soothed, putting his hands on Adrien’s shoulders, “It’s ok. I mean it. Adrien, I got that ring at a shop 2 years ago. I was just looking for accessories while Juleka was getting new earrings and I just kept wearing it.”

“But you always have it on.”

Luka laughed a little. “It’s because I have a .5 ring size. Most rings sold in chain stores are a standard whole number size. I just wore it because I couldn’t really find others that fit. I promise, it’s fine.” Adrien looked down at his feet again, mumbling. “Huh?”

“I said you always do that. Reassure me and look out for me. I feel like I don’t do that nearly enough.”

“You’re joking right? Adrien, you do that too. You look out for people, you defend with everything you have, you love with your whole heart. Every one of us, especially me, knows how much you care.”

“Yeah, but am I doing it well enough as a boyfriend? I’m not exactly good at this and I want to make sure I’m doing ok.”

“Adrien, trust me. The fact that you’re worried about this means you are doing ok. Besides, I didn’t really date much either. I’m just as new to this as you are.”

“But you’re so suave and sophisticated.” Adrien couldn’t help but tease.

“And easily affected by strong emotions. But it’s fine. Meant I got you in the end.”

Turning red when he heard Felix laughing at him, Adrien hid his face in Luka’s neck, letting the guitar player run his fingers up and down his back. Luka might not care about the missing ring but still, Adrien wanted to prove a point.

                           _________________________________

Adrien scrolled through the webpage on his laptop. It was probably stupid, even after Luka said he didn’t care about the missing ring but still. Since Felix spent the night with him – he wasn’t risking being tempted to trick his uncle – he’d encouraged his idea. He’d also pointed out that it seemed Luka had the love languages of giving words of affirmation and acts of service. When Adrien mentioned how much time they spent together hanging out, Felix said his language was giving quality time.

“You both have a different way of showing how much you guys like each other. You just seem to have trouble noticing your more silent affections.” Felix said. “He was right, you feeling bad about the ring and showing how you feel is a sign you care. If you want to get him a new one, I think he’d like it even more. You know how he likes to show love, why not figure out what he likes receiving?”

So here he was, shopping for a replacement ring. He knew it didn’t have to be anything big but he wanted it to be special. And he was a sucker for shared rings. He knew in Korea, much like matching clothes, having couple rings was a way to show you were in a relationship. No one doubted they were dating, but with Luka homeschooled, there were times where Adrien wanted something of his nearby to remind him who he could see after school or on the weekends. He’d never gotten the chance to steal clothing from a significant other or share anything like that and the fact he could possibly do it with Luka? That a lot of his firsts of being in a relationship were with Luka? It made him giddy.

He heard the door open and he leaned over to see his mother on the phone. She’d already shed her blazer and her hair was out of its normal ponytail. She kicked off her heels and dumped her things on the floor as she leaned on the closed door.

“But it just feels so soon to move again.” What? “A lot of the new programs got integrated and a few were my own projects. I know we don’t know when the fight will end, but I’d at least like to see them all come to fruition. A few still need more time to be set up. I guess I can’t argue, I’m just surprised that they’d offer reassignments so soon. Poor Adrien if we do move. His concert went so well and he got signed. He’s so young, I don’t feel comfortable letting him stay by himself. And goodness, his boyfriend. His father loves him and he’s so polite. Adrien’s liked him for a while, it’s going to hurt him so badly if they have to end it.”

“Mama?” he asked, standing up.

His mother jumped at his voice, eyes widening when she saw him.

“I’m going to call you back. Adrien, caro, when did you get here?”

“I was here the whole time. Mama… are we moving?”

“...I don’t know.”

Adrien was trying not to get upset. “It sounded like you were pretty sure.”

“I know. I know, I shouldn’t have said it like that. Adrien, I promise you, I don’t know. But whenever reassignment comes up, we always move. I’m just expecting to be told we would move.”

He couldn’t fault his mother for that. She was right. The minute she was done with whatever project she was helping with, they were off to the next one. But this was different. Paris was the place they’d been in the longest, not counting New York the first time. But he was more established here. He had friends, friends who actually felt like they could last forever. He was dating someone who felt way more stable than his other relationships. And to be honest, he didn’t want to leave.

“Can I really not stay here?” Adrien begged.

“Adrien, you’re barely in lycée, I don’t feel comfortable with you here on your own.”

“Ok,” Adrien said slowly, trying to think when an idea came to mind. “What about if I stayed with a classmate’s family?”

She looked surprised at the idea. He hadn’t even asked to do that with the few friends in Italy he still had whenever they’d leave from there. “Well, I suppose if their parents are ok with it. I’d have to think about it though. How about I talk with your father? If we agree and I’m reassigned, we’ll talk with someone. I’ll let you finish the year here and during break, we can decide what to do after. How does that sound?”

He wanted to disagree but he knew this was as good as he was getting. “Deal.”

“Alright. I’ll get changed and we can order in?” she asked, moving once he nodded.

Adrien sat back down, barely noticing the thing flying by the window as he took a breath. He knew this would come eventually. He just didn’t expect it to hurt so much at the thought of it. he took in the webpage of couple rings and straightened up. If this was going to end his relationship with Luka, because long distance felt impossible at their age, he was going to leave Luka with a gift to let him know just how much he meant to him.

                                     ____________________

“Knock knock?”

Luka looked up from his last sheets from the Grimoire. Even though Juleka was busier actually going to school, somehow, she finished her pages first. He was sure she got the page that explained how to fix broken Miraculous, because he had yet to see it. he’d give it to the Guardians, they loved their riddles and double meanings.

Adrien was a very welcome sight from him scratching his head trying to decipher what they were saying. Putting his iPad down and his stylus he outstretched his arms for a hug. He even gave grabby hands.

“To quote a very famous guitar player, you’re cute.” Adrien said, coming over and sitting between Luka’s legs, falling into the hug Luka pulled him into. He yelped as Luka leaned back so he was resting on his chest. “Hi.” He said, staring up at his boyfriend.

“Hello. I thought you were hanging out with Marc.”

“I was. We had to go pick something up. I sorta convinced him to do something with me, so we have plans to actually go eat dinner instead. Assuming I can pry him away from Nath.”

“Now I’m curious.”

“So, you know how I lost your ring?”

“You know how I told you it was ok and I didn’t care?” he didn’t. It was odd not having it there but it didn’t bother him much. Getting Adrien to focus on something else so he could eat had felt more important and it worked.

“Well, I did, so I wanted to make it up to you. Felix mentioned that you have the love language of giving acts of service, and I should probably figure out which language you like to receive so we’re starting with this.” Getting up, Adrien pulled a small drawstring bag out from the inside pocket of his jean jacket. “So, I know you told me that I’m doing ok in this relationship. I felt bad about losing the ring, even if it doesn’t matter and I wanted you to know how much you meant to me. I also wanted us to have a small thing for us to have and think of each other since you have homeschooling and we don’t get to see each other during the weekday. Here.”

Luka took the bag, using a finger to pull it open and turned it over. two silver rings dropped out, both with gold designs. One was a half shining sun and the other a crescent moon. Both had stars on them in the same gold.

“Couple rings are pretty popular. It’s not like a promise ring or anything, just a way for people to know we’re together.” Adrien explained, feeling calm as Luka smiled down at them.

“So,” Luka started, picking up the ring with the sun on it, “when I see this sun, I’ll think of my, what did Alya call you? Sunshine gremlin?”

Adrien laughed. “Yeah. And I’ll look at this and think of my moonlight knight.”

“That’s a Sailor Moon reference.” Luka said, pointing at Adrien when he recognised it.

“The man can be taught. But no, stars are important to sailors and you’re important to me. Do you like it?”

“I do. Thank you.” Luka said, pressing a kiss onto Adrien’s lips. “and quality time. My love language, I like spending time with people I love.”

Adrien’s heart skipped at the wording Luka used and the question was on his tongue. He could tell Luka didn’t misspeak, not with that look on his face.

“I like spending time with you.” Luka said, meaning what he said before, but he wasn’t going to rush a response out of Adrien.

“I really like being with you too.” Adrien said. “Um, before I forget. It’s probably nothing and it’s still up in the air at this point, but…Mama told me she might be getting reassigned. We don’t actually know; it’s just it usually happens so we think it might happen. But she agreed that if her and dad agree, I could ask a classmate to stay with their family. Nino already said he’d talk to his parents and so did Marc. Chloe overheard and even offered, so it’s fine. It’s not even official, I just…needed you to know.”

“But you don’t know?”

“No. But I don’t want to leave.” Adrien said, hoping Luka could hear the unspoken things. He didn’t want to leave him. “As far as we know, I’m here to stay.”

“Then let’s stick with that until we’re told differently then.” Luka said. He took the moon ring from Adrien and helped him put it on, smiling when Adrien gushed that it was adjustable.

“That way you don’t have to worry about your .5 size.”

After slipping his own ring on, he pulled Adrien close, dropping back again.

“I’m just going to hold on, just until you have to go, ok?”

“Ok,” Adrien said, fitting his head into Luka’s neck. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Whether Adrien was or wasn’t, right then, it didn’t matter. This was all he needed right now. 

[cantarella-s]

who’s bianca conchita

OKAY OKAY SO. HAVE YOU LISTENED TO DAUGHTER OF EVIL AND SERVANT OF EVIL? (PERHAPS REGRET MESSAGE TOO?)

BANICA IS FROM THE SAME UNIVERSE! I'll try to be brief here but since i dont trust myself ill put the rest under a cut <3

Content warning for a lot. And I mean a lot of Cannibalism. also mentions of weight. and eating stuff that really shouldn't be eaten

Evillious chronicles is based around the 7 deadly sins (lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, envy, greed, wrath) (the order i put those in is important i promise)

Rilliane's (The Rin from daughter of evil-servant of evil-regret message) (theres more songs to that arc but those are the most popular and. personally not a big fan of twiright prank sorry </3) arc is pride arc!

But today we'll be talking abt Banica, whose arc is gluttony. She's a Meiko module(? i think thats the word) and therefore very pretty <3

She has two songs as far as I remember, first of which takes place during Gluttony arc [Evil Food Eater Conchita] and the second of which takes place after in the. Limbo areas tbh I don't understand how the court and graveyard work </3 but this second song is called Master of the Graveyard

Only one other song from Gluttony arc is coming to mind [Drug of Gold] but i think there are a few more that are somewhat related? Like Hänsel and Gretel's songs mention their incarnations as Arte and Pollo

So! Now that that's out of the way, I'll start explaining her story to the best of my ability (<- went through evillious wikis religiously last year) (sorry vany if you're seeing this i went a little insane back then)

It starts off with people celebrating Banica's birth (she's a future duke! unless im misremembering she got the title of duke and not duchess) with a feast! But the baemu pig they ate happened to have the glass of conchita (vessel for gluttony) in it's system and ended up giving everyone that ate it The Disease™.

this disease (its called Gula) kills them if theyre not full all the time. so they end up eating a lot of fucked up shit (iirc cardboard was on that list?)

banica didnt have gula but her mom still made her eat the same portions as everyone else AND THEN BASICALLY EVERYONE DIES. at some point banica's mom tries eating the corpse of a dead servant when her dad shot her mom.

after the death of her mom banica locked herself up in the food storage basement thing of her mansion :( but a little while later two twin servants appeared, arte and pollo! (they are reincarnations of hänsel and gretel. basically the kind of people that rilliane and allen were supposed to be) she became close friends w the twins and stayed w them basically all the time <3

basically arte and pollo were introduced to banica by her dad or some other surviving servant. timeskip a lil and she's engaged to this guy called Carlos Marlon who's a prince. they spoke and she did make a good impression on his parents! yay!

and i dont rmb how true this is, but i do think i read somewhere that carlos commented on her being overweight? sorry i wasnt nearly as fixated on gluttony arc as some of the other arcs

over a bunch of months, they became close and warmed up to the idea of marriage. but like during this time she ate less than usual bc she was afraid carlos would dislike her if he found out what she was like

then another feast. but there was a wine glass. this brought all of banica's trauma relating to the glass of conchita back and she became fixated on the left overs before eating all the food on the table. this then led to her engagement getting cancelled :(

after her engagement was cancelled, she went back to the mansion and she decided to immerse herself in food and food culture. she gained the title of a gourmand in her country, beelzenia! (im p sure its based of spain :3)

she travelled to several other countries (arte and pollo in tow bc ofc <3) to improve beelzenia's food culture! girlboss! she learned abt many famous chefs, one of which was josef crim. unfortunately he's dead :(

copy pasting the next para from the wiki -

' Supported by Juno, Banica introduced her ideas to Beelzenia, greatly improving its food culture and adding to its cuisine, radically increasing the domestic foods in the empire as a result. During this period she began developing a new wine, dubbed "Blood Grave", with the cooperation of the local farmers. '

so yeah! things are going great for banica! she even got the formal title of "Noble Gourmand Banica" (gourmand from before was probably more of a nickname)

and then her dad died

sorry queen </3 just like when her engagement was broken off, she found solace in food. around this time is when she got the title of duke. she traveled some more bc she was still grieving her dad when she got the news that one of her loyal servants, Ron, went missing.

but she collapsed when she went back bc of organ abnormalities. when she got checked out by her doctor, they concluded it was bc of her overeating.

but arte and pollo, loyal servants as they are, had been keeping the glass of conchita (that housed the demon of gluttony) with them! and since their master might die soon, they decided it was the perfect time to use it. they kept it by her bedside and the demon started talking to banica.

it told her abt how she'd only eaten half of the world's food and theres sooo much more for her to consume <3<3 she should totally make a contract with it! she wouldnt die if she made the contract + she'd get to eat more and more of the food this beautiful world has to offer

she initially declined bc yknow all of that stuff happened that happened when she was young? she knows that her mom and the other servants died bc of the demon (or more specifically the disease which was caused by the demon)

the demon left but kept the wine glass and said that if she drank from it, the contract would be sealed. -> "The next morning she awoke and saw the glass, realizing it was full of baemu blood when smelling it. Consumed by her curiosity, Banica drank after minimal hesitation, making the contract." [copy pasted from the wiki]

after making the contract, she 'miraculously' made a full recovery! she also became thinner. with her new abilities, she decided to try eating stuff she's never tried.

she held a banquet with her, the duke, as the host. at the end, she asked her servants to bring dessert which included live insects and spiders. [sorry banica but thats kinda gross </3] the audience she had was pretty disgusted but she had fun at least?

some time passed after the banquet and she decided she wouldn't leave the mansion anymore and have arte and pollo manage the estate and her territories. she did it on accounts of her organ abnormalities :3

after denouncing the outside world she used the demon's powers to reanimate the dead bc yes! she reanimated the servants and created an undead army to guard her mansion. she also reanimated livestock to serve as her meals.

after that point she began hiring a bunch of chefs to make her food but she was always irritated at them bc they were disgusted by her appetite. so of course, she had arte and pollo kill and then cook them so she could eat their corpses. girl moment fr

after getting rid of one guy, she hired Josef Crim. but you might be wondering, isnt josef dead??? well. thats not josef. thats Carlos. her former fiance. so at one point she gets drunk and they fuck 👍 she's pregnant now

oh yeah the imperial family's kept sending letters to her but she ignored them like spam callers. so they sent an army! but she has an undead army WOOOOOO!! Carlos-Josef recognized Ron (guy from earlier) and banica told him how she now wants to devour the world <3

carlos was scared so he tried to escape. banica sent arte and pollo to catch him and he gave the excuse of trying to take a vacation but. he's not allowed vacations <3 banica is niceys tho so she didnt have him killed. yet.

a few days later, carlos served her poison soup (that he'd eat together bc dying together is pretty romantic. carlos really was onto smthn there) but she is a demon contractor and cannot die unless its at the hands of another contractor or vessel so. Only carlos died. a shame, really.

banica figured out what happened so since he's already dead, might as well have arte and pollo cook him. nothing like eating your lover <3

fast forward a few months, her baby is born! woooo!!! i dont really rmb what happens next but she does end up eating arte and pollo. in the words of leo, Oh kaito we're really in it now

banica ran out of food and servants. and since she's a contractor of gluttony, she's still hungry. fuck. oh shit her baby's crying. hey. the baby is food, right? she can eat that, right?

so she took a plate out and put the baby on it.

and she was going to eat it but after seeing the kid's face, she decided not to bc thats her kid.

the demon doesnt like that very much and tells her that hey, actually, yknow that poison that guy fed you? yeah it's actually one of the few things that *can* kill you and is actually do it!

basically the poison was shavings of the vessel of wrath (the golden key. hence. drug of gold) and it def can kill her. not sure if it would work as slowly as the demon is claiming, but it would most definitely kill her in larger amounts. and she ate carlos who also had a dose of the poison in him.

the demon said the kid is a 'vaccine' for that (bro thats. Not how vaccines work at all) but she still refused to eat her child. she began to see the demon take shape in her mind and it looks like a baemu pig with bat wings. yeah. sounds horrifyingly disgusting.

so she ate herself! wahoo <3 copy pasting the wiki again

' Exploiting her contract, Banica's consumption of her body allowed her to become a demon herself; gaining all of the demon's knowledge and power. '

so thats technically the end of gluttony arc but she does have more to her story (from Master of the Graveyard and i think a few other songs?) but i dont rmb most of that sorry </3

if you actually managed to read all of that. damn Thank you

[shadylex]

Nine people you'd like to know better

tagged by @yansurnummu thank you so so much!

3 ships

Lets goooooo, starting off with one that lives rent free in my head is Yera/Teldryn.

I forgot when but I didn't immediately get interested in Teldryn even after the Dragonborn DLC came out. It was a fic that had him as a side character that got me interested, then I started looking up other Ao3 fics with him in it and it's all I think about when daydreaming about Yera.

Yera by the time she gets to Solstheim has already gone through two world ending events and is super tired and ready to kick this Miraak character's ass and isn't with her friend Lydia at the moment so she needs to hire a mercenary to guide her around on account she is blind and uh oh. Good with a sword with a handsome voice? Basically got a crush on him second 1 and it's downhill from there.

Working on like an intro fic for the two of them but I can never seem to get it right but it'll get there one day.

Next is Yera/Miraak funnily enough, I am not alone in wanting that old book man. I just think that with Yera's incredibly strong personality and also probably kicking his ass while saving him would mesh well with him. I also have the thought that if Yera hung around Miraak long enough, he would convince her of taking the Rudy Throne on the base that they both are Dragon soul so they ought to rule everything.

But what if Yera had two hands, and she held hands with Teldryn and Miraak in the same house wouldn't that be wild haha... unless?

And my last ship is silly, but only because I recently re-watched Full Metal Alchemist but it's Miles/Olivier Armstrong. I love the Briggs portion of the show so much, I usually start there when I want a quick rewatch of the show. I just think they're neat, and people write some fun fics about them together so I'm having a lot of fun going through them and yeah.

First ship Had to be my oc/canon pairing Lexen/Riku from Kingdom Hearts. Lexen is my oldest most precious OC who has gone through some drastic changes in life that she is unrecognizable in the beginning and I'm almost embarrassed by the ship but I was like 14 and Riku was edgy and that's the kind of characters I liked so I could never exist haha

Last song 6.24 by Danger (Furi OST) I heard this song being used as a fight montage song and I had to find the original and welp I'm listening to a bunch of synth songs now

Currently reading Nothing at the moment, however my partner has the Elric of Melnibone series I got them for Christmas and they're done with them now, so it's my turn to read them!

Last film Me and my partner went to watch Godzilla Minus One and omfg that was so so scary a movie but also how do you have a monster film be also about survivors guild its so so good I highly recommend watching it as soon as you can!

Currently craving

We have so many noodles in the house right now but I was craving some instant noodles something fierce a few minutes ago. I opted to go with some pico de gallo I made as a before bed snack but the noodles... they call for me in my dreams

Tagging @icicleteeth @scalecallerpeak @khajiitclaws and whoever else wants to join in

[winderlylandchime]

I wrote this all out while pretending to work and actually working so it’s a little all over the place. But now I’m laughing reading it back because it genuinely looks like one of the “check up” texts I send to mom/dad about my brother. Minus the qaf related topics at the end. Anyway, hi! Hope you’re doing well and had a good start of the week! And now back to the idiot I’m related to:

Take a guess who has been listening to Lover’s spit sincere yesterday? I’m talking sitting outside, drinking his coffee while it’s absolutely freezing and listening to Lover’s spit like he’s in some sad music video. (Btw the songs he listened to were Lover’s spit, you look so fine (which was in like s1 so he was really going through it), Save the last dance, Here nor there and true faith. And this was on a loop!) And the only thing he has “said” to me so far is just a simple lip smack with a side eye whenever he looks at me. So i’d say he is doing as expected but he’s also upset with me for making him like the show (bc yeah, i did that. I made him have a crush on Brian)

He also has bunch of doctor check ups today and I can only drop him off and later pick him up since my work is hectic since holiday’s are coming up. And ngl i am keeping all the doctors and nurses in my thoughts today. Usually (even tho it doesn’t look like it) i stop him or at least limit his ramblings so i have no clue how today will go. He might surprise me and behaves like an adult. Also he said that he barely slept overnight because he kept thinking about what could happen in the last 3 episodes and in case you wanted to know, he told me that through the cat. As in ‘Brian, guess who didn’t sleep today cause of Justin and the other Brian? That’s right, me’ and yes, it was said in a baby voice. I did also get a text from his friend asking me if he’s doing okay cause apparently he sent him a voice memo “talking about Brian and how he’s really worried about him” and my brother has absolutely no memory of even sending that. All this is just after 5x09. I am mentally not prepared for him after the finale.

But to answer some of your questions since I didn’t have the chance to yesterday: He only watches the American RuPaul. And he watched season 5 because of Jinkx (on Saturday he watched the video they did with Trixie a few years ago so he started to miss them). And yes, he has managed to drag the entire family into qaf although grandma has no fucking clue what or who he’s talking about so she just nods her head and smiles. And grandpa only knows about it through grandma who is even less reliable than my brother. But he is very happy that he found a hobby even tho at first he thought Brian was his friend. So basically: yes, he has made it everyone’s problem.

And you saying he’s just like Debbie if she was a man made me laugh so hard cause I’ve been thinking the same thing! Im glad someone agrees with me. And I’m happy(?) to report that 3 of our cousins and our aunt(!) actually got in trouble with our grandpa because it turns out they had bets going on if he’ll figure out by the end of the show that he might be a little queer. And then during a family dinner last week it was revealed that it was our uncle who was the one behind the bets and it was his husband who exposed him (yes the uncles whose wedding he went to with rainbow hair). And no it was not cause he thought the bets were immature but because my uncle didn’t let him be in charge with him. So I’d say the whole family is kinda waiting to see what happens and also treating it like their personal entertainment since we do tend to be more chill with these topics (which is such a huge blessing and we really are lucky about the fact that they dont even bat an eye at anything queer related including coming outs). Also I honestly have no idea how he will react to the proposal. I keep trying to think about it and I can never pinpoint his reaction. His reaction to the comic book was as if he saw the worst thing ever so we shall see. Which tbh same, i always hated that cover story :/

As for the Gale/Randy/Hal thing: first of, I didn’t expect that people were going to later talk about it to you so i hope I didn’t cause problems for you of any kind. But I do admit that even years later, it’s still a topic that has me curious since we know so little and since the lack of social media meant they (aka hal) was shady in interviews. Who does that omg? But also: i was so shocked when he said that. Wish you could see him cause he really had that look in his eyes as if he was there and saw them arguing every day and had inside knowledge and like I was the one who didn’t know anything about qaf. You could literally see the wheels turning in his head trying to figure out if he was right or not. I do wonder how he will feel about it once I tell him the little info I know about.

Btw, im glad to hear you cat is doing well. It is the absolute worst when an animal is sick since they can’t tell you what’s wrong. So please give Emmett some kisses and pets!

Oh and the most important part: your little teasers about your fic are making me lose my mind. Nonbinary Gus?! Older Brian?? I might lose my mind completely when i get the chance to read it.

Anon! I was just texting Europe about your brother. It’s now 12:45 as I start to write this and look:

I’m so glad you wrote because I wanted to remind you and let you make a decision based on whether he’s been paying attention to the titles.

I’m sorry I find it so funny he’s angry with YOI for making him care so much about this show and fall in love with Brian. It’s like when my dogs are mad at me for the rain. (If you’re doing math I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, all rescues because some lesbian stereotypes are accurate.)

Your family is taking bets about whether your brother is going to come out as so form of queer? I love that! Way better than the qaf family taking bets about how long Justin and Brian were going to last.

Don’t worry about mentioning the drama from the cast! I’m still so impressed with how insightful your brother is and how much he’s picked up on everything that the fandom discusses at length. The dynamics between the cast were bound to be one.

Emmett the cat continues to do well and come back from poor pathetic sickly mewmew to absolute bastard of a cat. We love to see it.

I am hoping to start posting my fic next week. I was hoping to have more done but oh well! I need the pressure of readers to focus lol. I’m so glad you’re excited!