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illyrianbitch · 4 months ago

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Are We Still Friends? — Part Five

Pairing: Reader x Azriel

Summary: A chance encounter offers a break from your tangled thoughts about Azriel. Meanwhile, Az reaches a pivotal realization.

Warnings: training, sparring and weapon use, severe overthinking, longing, brief use of recreational drugs (lovely 'mirthroot')

Word Count: 7.1k

Part Four | Series Masterlist | Part Six

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Even in the early hours, the heat was suffocating.

You’d been half-tempted to cancel on Mor, to crawl back under the covers and enjoy the blissful cool of your room. But you knew better. Mor would’ve winnowed straight into your bedroom, dragged you out of bed, and reminded you that you’d made a promise.

So now, here you were, on the training grounds, sweat already collecting at your brow, watching Azriel and Cassian spar on the far side.

Both of the males were dressed in their usual head-to-toe leathers, though Cassian seemed just as bothered by the weather as you. You’d noticed he’d trained shirtless more often lately, something you attributed to the presence of his mate, but today he was fully covered. It probably had something to do with the steady, focused gaze Az held. Something to be cautious of. Wary.

Unlike his brother, Azriel’s expression was detached, as if the sun didn’t touch him at all— like he was completely unbothered by the sweltering heat. His wings shifted slightly against the back of his leathers, but that was the extent of his discomfort, if any.

You’d never visited Illyria in the summer months, never experienced the full brutality of its heat. Perhaps it was there, under that oppressive sun, that Azriel had learned to manage heat in such attire. But, then again, Az was entirely too skilled at masking what he actually felt.

Something about him, now before you, made you want to continue staring—his wings, the way his body moved with the smoothness of a predator, the effortless strength in the curve of his form. Lately, everything about Azriel had been doing that— distracting you. Overwhelming you. Calling to you like a siren song. His voice, his smile, the way he moved.

A laugh from Mor pulled you from your thoughts.

"It’s a shame the healing balm worked so well," Her voice teased from behind you. You turned at the sound, watching as she tossed a sword from one hand to the other with an ease that was almost poetic. "Seeing you turned me into a softie, you know. All those bruises and that pouty face— I had to go easy because I felt bad for you.”

You snorted, catching the blade she tossed your way. "Oh, so that’s the only reason I beat you last week? Because you were going easy on me?"

Her grin widened. “Yeah. But Runa got too many hits on you. You’re rusty. So maybe I’m not doing you any favors by going easy." She raised an eyebrow. "Maybe Cassian’s been going too easy on you, too."

“Or maybe,” you shot back, stepping into the ring, “I was just going easy on a citizen.”

Mor’s laugh was loud and unapologetic as she followed you. "You’re saying that like you didn’t know exactly who she was when you threw the first punch."

You huffed a laugh, shaking your head as you squared up to her. “Okay, can we maybe stop reminiscing over my recent regrettable actions? Please?”

“Never.” She slid into a stance with ease. “But if you beat me, I’ll stop laughing about it for a week.”

“Only a week?”

“That’s all you’ll get, babe.”

You rolled your eyes, lips still curved in a grin. “Fine. Deal.”

And then, without hesitation, Mor lunged. Your blades collided with a sharp ring, the sound vibrating up your arms. You let the adrenaline of the fight pull you out of your thoughts, focusing on the female in front of you.

It was easy to forget, sometimes, that before anything else, Morrigan was a warrior. Graceful, clever, and impossibly skilled. The kind of fighter who didn’t rely on brute strength but on speed, precision, and an uncanny ability to read her opponent. Skills she’d learnt to outmaneuver and beat males that may have been twice her size, twice her age. And if you looked hard enough, past her glittering makeup and the plethora of gold jewelry she adorned, you’d notice the scars scattered across her body, small slices from knives and swords that didn’t have enough time to heal during the first war.

Mor didn’t hold back, her strikes coming faster, sharper, until your muscles burned from the effort of keeping up.

From across the ring, Cassian’s booming laugh carried over, followed by what sounded like a gruff remark from Azriel. You glanced over almost instinctively, your eyes following the movement of Az’s shadows. They twisted around him, stretching into the shaded spaces between Cassian’s body and the ground, curling around the general’s feet in an attempt to constrict his movements.

Mor’s grin widened as she caught your sword mid-swing. “You’re distracted,” she said.

You twisted to break free, stubbornly meeting her gaze. “Am not.”

You tried to return to the rhythm of the fight, but Mor was right. You were distracted. Every glance in Azriel’s direction made your heart race, your mind spiral. Even from across the yard, you could feel the heat of his presence. It threw you off balance. And before you knew it, Mor disarmed you, sending you crashing to the ground with a grunt.

“Like I said,” she hummed, smirking as she extended a hand to help you up. “Distracted.”

“Maybe a bit.” You winced, rolling your shoulders as you stood straight. “I have too much on my mind. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

Mor tilted her head. “Wanna talk about it?”

You shook your head, wiping at the sweat on your brow. “That’s the last thing I want to do, actually.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, assessing you before she nodded. “Well, we just got some new weapons last week—I’ve been dying to test them out.”

You raised a brow. “What kind of weapons?”

Mor shrugged. “Not sure. Rhys says they’re lighter. I think you’ll like them.” She grabbed your discarded sword, tossing both it and hers onto the rack with ease. “You’re too cautious for a regular sword anyway. You don’t like getting hit.”

“No one likes getting hit.”

“True,” she said, laughing slightly as she bumped your shoulder. “But you’re smart about it. Always letting them exhaust themselves first.”

“Go get them,” you nodded to her. “I want to try them out.”

Mor grinned. “Good. Then I can start kicking your ass with them, too.”

She turned to leave, and you watched her go, ready to grab some water. But then, just as you were about to turn, you felt it—a presence behind you. You knew it in your bones, from the soft breeze you swore his shadows danced in, that it was Azriel. Still, when you turned and saw him standing there, you felt unprepared, like something in your chest tightened, hot and sharp, like heartburn. You shoved it down, burying it deeper, just like you had been doing all week.

He raised an eyebrow at you. “You’re really gonna let her beat you like that?”

You ran a hand over your face, trying to settle your racing pulse. “What can I say, it’s been an off couple of weeks.”

It was hard not to notice how close he stood, the way his presence seemed to fill the space, pushing the air around you in a way that made it harder to breathe.

“Yeah,” Azriel glanced at you, and his expression softened just a fraction. “Are you okay? I mean, now?”

You nodded too fast. “Yeah. Just hot. Overwhelmed.”

He studied you, his brow slightly furrowed, but there was something else behind it. Something he wasn’t saying.

“You can’t possibly be comfortable,” you said, gesturing at his leathers. “Aren’t you boiling alive?”

Azriel tilted his head as if considering your question, then replied evenly, “I’m alright.”

“You’re lying,” you replied, narrowing your eyes at him. “You have to be.”

That earned you a faint smile, a quick twitch of his lips that you might have missed if you weren’t already watching him too closely.

“You’re welcome to try them on,” he said smoothly. “See how they feel.”

You blinked, a small flutter echoing in your chest at the teasing edge in his voice. You frowned and said to him, “I’m wearing the exact same thing as you.”

“Mine are different.” His smile tugged again. “They’re cooling leathers.”

“Really? That's a thing?”

The look he gave you— a mix of amusement and something else— told you everything you needed to know. You scowled at him, but there was no real heat behind it. “You’re messing with me.”

When your eyes met his again, they were practically glowing in amusement. He shrugged, and his shadows seemed to dance with the motion— still clinging close to him, hiding from the sun, but seemingly content despite it. He gave you a quick, warm smile— as if he were afraid for the rest of the public to see.

“I am,” he replied, leaning closer. “My leathers are, sadly, just as basic as yours.”

The sunlight caught in his hair when he stood like this, painting it with faint golden streaks. Along with your growing frustration at the heat, your stomach twisted uncomfortably at the sight of him. You fanned your face with one hand, trying to ignore the ache building in your chest. You blamed the sun for making it tight.

You suddenly became aware of your presentation—of the disheveled way you must have looked. Your hair had fallen loose during the sparring with Mor, strands clinging to the sweat at your neck, a messy halo around your face. You reached back, gathering it in both hands, attempting to tighten the hold of your hair tie. As you twisted it around, the elastic snapped, the sharp sting of it flicking against your skin.

“Shit.”

A quiet sigh left you as the broken tie dangled uselessly from your fingers. Of course. As if you didn’t already feel like disaster enough. You pushed your hair back again, fingers combing through the tangled strands, debating whether to leave it down or try to secure it with something else.

You realized, quickly, that perhaps this small inconvenience was a blessing in disguise— a reason to walk away from the conversation, to regain control of your scattered thoughts. You opened your mouth to excuse yourself, to say you needed to go put your hair up, but before you could, Azriel spoke.

“Wait.”

You paused, turning back toward him as he reached into one of the hidden pockets of his leathers. When he pulled out a hair tie, your eyebrows shot up.

“What—”

Azriel’s expression was uncharacteristically sheepish as he handed it over. “You always wear the same one. I noticed the band was wearing out. It was only a matter of time before it broke.”

“You… noticed that?”

His shadows shifted around him, curling between you two, and he subtly gestured toward them with his chin. “They did.”

Your fingers closed around the band as you stared at him. “So you’ve been carrying this around just in case?”

He nodded and you blinked at him, unsure if you should laugh or melt into the floor. “That… is very considerate of you.”

Az glanced at you, quiet for a moment, before he replied. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to snap and pick a fight with someone because you're overstimulated with your hair clinging to your skin. I’m just trying to protect the public.”

You rolled your eyes at that, though the thought of your family endlessly reminding you of your actions over the past few weeks made the corners of your mouth twitch. The infamous calm you’d prided yourself on—gone. You’d be hearing about your fight with a citizen for at least the next century.

“Shut up,” you said, but your heart still stuttered painfully. “But, also, thank you,” you added, focusing on twisting your hair into a knot to avoid meeting his eyes.

“Better?”

Your throat felt tight as you looked up once more, meeting his molten gaze. “Yeah,” you said. “Better.”

Azriel nodded, stepping back to give you space again. But you caught the faint curve of his lips, the small, quiet smile that made your chest ache.

You felt some relief as the wind ruffled your now-updo, but your thoughts circled.

Azriel had proven to be a male of his word. He’d spent the past two weeks showing you, in every way he could, that he was sorry. It wasn’t loud or showy—Azriel never was—but his apology seeped into the small, thoughtful things he did. Helping with reports, lighting your room’s fireplace when it got too cold. Nothing demanding, but everything that proved he was trying.

It almost felt normal again, like you and Azriel had fallen back into your usual rhythm. Your routine.

Almost.

“Good luck,” Azriel said, nodding toward where Mor was returning with the new weapons. He leaned in slowly, his shadows drifting between your shoulders, curling in the pocket of shadow created by your closeness. “And, if you want… we can go flying afterward. To celebrate you beating Mor.”

The idea of being so close to him, of having him hold you to his chest, feeling his heartbeat against yours as he carried you, made your stomach churn, made you feel nauseous. Nervous. But you nodded anyway, smiled like it was just another plan, like old times. It felt tight. Diplomatic.

“Okay,” you managed to say.

Azriel smiled, and you heard Mor’s voice asking what you were conspiratorially talking about. You didn’t answer, didn’t bother to pay attention if Azriel answered, either. The new, sleek steel weapons she’d returned with felt different in your hands. Lighter, faster. Mor had been right—these suited you better. But it didn’t matter. You were too lost in your head, too tangled in your thoughts.

Even if Mor had kept her eyes closed, she still would’ve won the next fight. You weren’t focused enough to stand a chance. There was a brief, confused look in her eyes when she realized how easily she’d taken you down once again. But she didn’t press, not even as you yielded for the day and ran home, slipping into a cool bath with the hope that it would clear your mind of everything that tainted it.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

You stacked the last of the reports on the living room table, smoothing your palm over the top page before grabbing a scrap of parchment.

Rhys—went through the latest proposals and highlighted the ones most viable. Let me know if you need anything else.

You stuck the note on the pile and stepped back, scanning the work you’d spent the past few weeks compiling.

Rhysand would be by later to go over them with Azriel—discussions about Hewn City’s reformation efforts, the best way to bridge the centuries-old divide between the Court of Nightmares and the Court of Dreams. You’d done your best to outline a path forward, to present the grievances of its citizens in a way Rhysand could use to negotiate.

Your fingers drummed idly against the edge of the table before you caught sight of your wrist. The small hair tie sat there, snug against your skin. And although it was nothing, just a simple band, it felt as if it were burning. You weren’t sure why you were still wearing it—why it wasn’t in a pocket or left in your room, ready to be summoned when needed. You ran your fingers over it, jaw clenching as frustration rose in you, sudden and sharp.

At what, exactly? You didn’t know.

You did know, however, that it was likely related to Azriel.

You’d been avoiding him since the other day at training. Since he’d given you the small elastic now circling your wrist.

It wasn’t intentional, not really, but you’d been thinking too much. Feeling too much. Uncomfortable in your own skin, hyperaware of yourself and Azriel in ways that made your stomach twist. Like pressing against a tender bruise.

The anger you’d been holding onto—the indignation that had burned hot and bright in the aftermath of your fight—faded much faster than you’d expected. You still wanted to be angry, to hold onto the grudge that felt like armor, but Azriel made it impossible. His kindness had chafed against you, rubbing away at the edges of your resentment till all that was left was an overly aware sense of him. Of his presence, his care. His devotion to something as simple as your forgiveness.

You’d forgiven him within a week, had taken all of his baked goods with open arms, had expressed appreciation for the times his shadows brought you snacks during your late nights with Rhys and Feyre, going over negotiation plans for the reformation efforts.

But Azriel was being too nice now. Too thoughtful. Too much. And it was starting to wear you down.

You were noticing him in ways that felt deeper, heavier, and far more dangerous. It was overwhelming, this shift in perspective—like seeing him in a new light that illuminated details you’d never thought to look at before. The slope of his shoulders, the way he always seemed to be aware of you, even when he wasn’t looking at you. You felt blinded, too rushed to adjust to this new, backlit version of Azriel.

It stressed you out— made you want to sit down and create a list, sort through the pros and cons like some sort of strategy meeting. Analyze the feelings bubbling in your chest until you could pin them down and find the most equitable, profitable, and logical path forward. The right direction to take.

Realistically, you should wait it out. Let the feelings settle and fade before they could complicate the beautiful, solid friendship you’d built over centuries. You weren’t even sure what you were feeling. You couldn’t risk something so vital over emotions you didn’t fully understand.

The front door clicked open.

You turned at the sound of footsteps, eyes falling on Azriel’s figure as he stepped inside. His hair was a little mussed, dark strands sticking to his forehead like he’d flown through the midday heat. A faint flush tinted his cheeks, and for a moment, you wondered if the sun was still blazing in the midsky—if the warmth on his face was from exertion or simply the sun pressing down on him.

He took two large strides before his hazel eyes landed on you. His expression shifted, then, brightened, as if he hadn’t expected to find you here. The soft tug at the corners of his mouth, almost a smile but not quite, was enough to send your pulse into a sharp, erratic rhythm.

“Hey,” he said, lightly. “You’re home.”

“That I am.” You smiled and met his eyes. “Hi.”

He hesitated for a moment, then stepped farther into the room, something small and wrapped in plain paper in his hand.

“I’m glad I caught you. I have something for you,” he said, holding it out to you.

You blinked, glancing between him and the package. “What is it?”

“Some tea,” he said, his gaze flickering to yours before darting away. “For sleep.”

“For sleep?” you repeated, taking the package carefully, his shadows greeting you with a gentle circle around your wrists.

Azriel nodded, his hand falling to his side. “I noticed the other day. When you were sparring with Mor. You were leaning more on your left. You do that when you’re tired.”

Your chest tightened, your fingers curling instinctively around the package. “It was that noticeable?”

“Yeah,” he said. “ To me at least. I thought this might help.”

You didn’t know what to say to that, the simple thoughtfulness of it wrapping around you like a weight you weren’t ready to carry. You opened the package carefully, revealing a small tin filled with pouches of tea. You swallowed, staring down at the item in your hands.

“Thank you. This is…” You trailed off, your voice failing you. “This is really sweet, Az.”

“Let me know if it helps,” he said, shifting his weight slightly, his wings twitching behind him. “If you like it, I’ll get more.” He gave a small, almost tentative, smile. “Or maybe I’ll try it myself.”

You nodded, clutching the package tighter. “Okay. Yeah. I will.”

For a moment, there was nothing but silence between you. You turned, intending to step away, to put some distance between you and the sudden awkwardness settling in your chest. But as you moved past him, Azriel stepped closer, just enough that the space between you disappeared. For a moment, you were not quite touching, just close enough that you could feel the heat of him, the faint scent of night-chilled air and cedar.

And then his hand caught yours. When you glanced back at him, his expression had softened, a sense of concern flickering in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice low, intimate. Like he was sharing a secret despite you both being the only ones in the room.

Your breath caught. You could see the faint crease in his brow, the way his gaze searched your face like he was trying to find his answer there, in your features. “Yeah,” you said quietly, even though your heart was pounding.

“Are you sure?” he pressed. His thumb brushed over your skin absentmindedly, as it usually did when he soothed you on bad days. Your breath hitched at how intimate it felt now, how aware it made you of his touch. “Are we okay?”

You blinked, frowning at his words. “Yeah, of course. Why would you ask that?”

He hesitated. “I don’t know. I just…I feel like I’ve barely seen you lately.”

“I’ve been busy,” you replied quickly, but the excuse felt hollow even as you said it.

“Yeah,” he murmured, but something in his tone made you think he didn’t believe you. After a moment, he added, “Are you still mad at me?”

“No,” you said after a pause, and it was the truth. You weren’t angry at Azriel, not anymore. It had completely faded, morphed into something else entirely.

You felt guilty about how you'd been acting, how you'd resorted to avoiding him in an effort to make yourself feel better. Because, despite you telling him otherwise, you knew Azriel was interpreting your distance as proof that you were still mad.

Azriel nodded, but his expression didn’t quite relax. His hand tightened slightly around yours. “But you’d tell me, right? If something was wrong?”

“Of course.”

His gaze softened further, his eyes almost pleading. “Because I always want to know,” he said quietly. “If something’s wrong. I want to know.”

You couldn’t breathe. His hand was still on yours, his thumb brushing soft, slow circles over your skin like he wasn’t even aware he was doing it. You were going to vomit. You were going to be sick. You had to leave. You had to get out of here before you did something reckless, before you said something you couldn’t take back.

“I know, Az. But, I should… I need to go,” you said, stepping back and gently pulling your hand from his. “I have a lot of errands to run.”

Azriel blinked, his brows drawing together in confusion. “Oh. Okay.”

You clutched the package tighter to your chest, avoiding his gaze as you backed toward the door. “Thanks again for this. Really.”

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then stopped, nodding instead. “Let me know if it helps.”

You nodded quickly, forcing a tight, polite smile before slipping out of the room.

When you made it upstairs, you grabbed a coat, barely paying attention to which one, and were out of the townhouse before you had the chance to run into Azriel again. You didn’t know where you were going—only that it needed to be away from him.

For a strange, fleeting moment, you found yourself wishing you were angry at him again. Wishing he was being stubborn and unfair instead of sweet and thoughtful. It had been easier then, even when it hurt, because at least you’d known how to deal with it.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Velaris buzzed with midday energy, alive with movement and the sounds of life. The streets teemed with couples strolling hand in hand, children darting between legs, their laughter woven into the hum of conversation. You wove through it all in a haze, your mind spinning like a top. For a brief moment, you scowled at the love surrounding you—wondering if it had always been this prevalent, this visible, this... everywhere.

You hadn’t come up with a plan since leaving the townhouse, still unsure of where you were going—or if you even wanted to go anywhere at all. All you knew was that you needed to keep moving. Moving meant you were occupied. And being occupied meant you could at least try to ignore the noise—both the loud thoughts and the feelings twisting inside you. But no matter how fast you walked, how hard you tried to lose yourself in the busy streets, the fluttering in your chest wouldn't let you forget.

You weren’t stupid. You knew what it meant, even as you fought with everything you had to deny it. But maybe... maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe Selene had gotten into your head and now you were overthinking everything—reading too much into Azriel’s kindness, his care. You’d seen it before, convincing yourself of something that wasn’t true, spiraling until you couldn’t trust your own judgment.

You didn’t see the person you bumped into until it was too late. “I’m sorry,” you muttered, shaking yourself from your thoughts, but when you looked up—

“Oh,” you said, startled. You blinked at the male before you. “Hello.”

The golden light caught his hair—a rich, burnished brown that framed sharp, handsome features. Made them seem almost celestial.

Adrin smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly, two small dimples forming at his cheeks. “Y/n. Hello.”

“Adrin,” you said, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“No harm done,” he said easily. His tone was light, but there was a flicker of concern as he studied your face. “Are you…doing all right? I heard about what happened.”

“Yeah,” you said quickly, nodding. “It's a long story. But everything is okay.”

Adrin tilted his head, and although the smile was still there— that warm welcoming smile— his brows drew together slightly. “You seem…bothered. Long day?”

You huffed a small laugh, rubbing absentmindedly at your chest. “Something like that.”

He nodded, thoughtful. “I know the feeling. It’s been one of those days for me, too. I was about to try and make it better—clear my head a little.” He hesitated, then added, “You could join me, if you’d like.”

You blinked at him. “Oh, no, I don’t want to interrupt your plans—”

“You wouldn’t be.” He was quick to shake his head. “Really. I’d like the company.”

You hesitated. Thought through the idea. You liked Adrin. And while you wanted to run—hide away, retreat into the quiet of your own mind—you knew it would only make your thoughts spiral faster. But being around your family, or anyone who might see through you immediately, made you itch with unease.

Maybe this was exactly what you needed. The chance to be with someone who wouldn’t pry, someone who seemed genuine in his invitation.

“Sure, yeah. What are you thinking?”

Adrin’s lips twitched into a small grin. “I might have just the thing we both need.”

An hour later, you found yourself at his apartment, stretched out on his balcony overlooking the city. The air was cooler here, quieter, the noise of the streets below softened into a distant hum. The smell of mirthroot curled in the space between you, something so distinctly warm and earthy.

You breathed it in, already feeling lighter, like you were melting into your chair—but in a good way, not like earlier, when the heat had pressed against you relentlessly.

You took a slow pull from the rolled mirthroot stick Adrin had handed you. For the first time that day, your shoulders eased.

“Feeling any better?” he asked.

You exhaled slowly, watching the plume of smoke dissipate into the air. A soft laugh escaped you.

“Oh yeah. I kind of forgot how much I like mirthroot. This is dangerous.”

Adrin chuckled, and you glanced over at him, watching as his lips curved into a lopsided smile—only one dimple visible now. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

You tilted your head, studying him further. “I wouldn’t have expected you to be into this,” you said, gesturing to the rolled stick in your hand.

His brows furrowed. “Why's that?”

You shrugged, still smiling, your face warm—not from embarrassment, but from the pleasant haze settling over you. “I don’t know. You’re from the Dawn Court. You’re a healer. You just seem disciplined. Like, above this.”

Adrin let out a full, rich laugh, the sound making your grin widen. “Please. Let’s go through that again. I come from Dawn. I’m a male healer. A pacifist, even.”

You paused, letting his words replay in your mind before it finally clicked.

“So it makes total sense,” you said, correcting yourself.

Adrin nodded sagely, and another small round of laughter followed, easy and unhurried. You realized how much you liked that about him. That his presence wasn’t demanding. That he let things be light. Maybe that was why it was always easy to converse with him whenever you’d stopped by Madjas.

You inhaled again, letting yourself sink further into the feeling, into the rare quiet of your thoughts. Even now, though, even floating, something tugged at you. Some part of you that refused to be fully untethered. The rational side of your mind begged for a break from the relentless circling of your thoughts, but you shoved the worst of them away, opting instead to focus on the ones that didn’t hurt.

“Hey,” you said suddenly. “Can I ask you a really weird question?”

“Sure.” Adrin straightened slightly, tossing you a quick glance as he brought his mirthroot to his lips.

You hesitated, but the mirth haze had worked through your nerves, made you bolder, more loose lipped. “Do you have a crush on me?”

He choked on his next inhale, coughing before looking at you, eyes wide. “Sorry?”

“Nevermind. That was weird. Sorry,” you said quickly, looking away, waving it off. “Forget I said anything.”

But he shook his head, smiling faintly as he leaned in slightly. “No, it’s okay. I’ve always appreciated how forward you are. Honest. It’s refreshing.”

You blinked at him. “Really?”

He nodded. Then he paused for a moment, contemplating. “If you’re asking if I find you attractive, the answer is yes. I think you’re beautiful.”

Something in your chest tightened.

“But,” he continued, “I wouldn’t say I have a crush on you. That feels… shallow. I don’t know you enough to call it that. It would be liking the idea of you. I don’t like doing that.”

His honesty was just as refreshing as he claimed yours to be. It loosened something in your chest—some small guilt that had settled when Mor first suggested you go out with him. Guilt at the idea that someone you’d grown to enjoy might want something from you that you couldn’t give.

If only everyone was this articulate. If only Az—

You shoved the thought away and exhaled slowly. “That’s… a really nice answer.”

Adrin smiled again, but this time, it was smaller, softer. “Does it bother you?”

“No,” you admitted, shaking your head. “It doesn’t.”

“Good,” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I have no expectations here. I enjoy the friendship we’ve built—if you’d call it that.”

“Of course I would,” you said softly. A small chuckle escaped your lips as you raised your rolled mirthroot and nodded toward the one between his fingers. “And if I didn’t consider you a friend before, you’re definitely one now.”

Adrin’s laugh rang out, warm and melodic, filling the space between you. It was soothing, like the sound itself carried the calm of his healing touch.

You settled into a comfortable silence, the easy rhythm of conversation lingering between you as you both watched the city below. But then, without warning, your mind wandered once more.

This time, it drifted toward the upcoming event Rhys was hosting—a formal gathering to show appreciation for allies and those who’d supported him. At his own home, too. A gesture of humility. You could already picture the glittering decorations in the River House, the couples dressed to the nines, gliding together in effortless, practiced harmony.

Usually, those scenes didn’t bother you.

You’d never minded attending events alone, enjoying the freedom to slip in and out of conversations as you pleased. But now, the thought of walking into that hall, of watching so many people in love around you… It grated. And you knew exactly why. Azriel’s words, his reasoning for changing while dating Selene—how everyone was falling in love, moving on—echoed in your mind, and you hated how tightly they clung to you.

They’d made you feel like something was wrong with you for not actively seeking out love. For being content with being single. Alone.

You glanced at Adrin.

“Adrin,” you said, clearing your throat. “Are you busy this weekend?”

“I don’t believe so. Why?”

“There’s an event—Rhysand is hosting. It’s an appreciation for those who help him. I was wondering if you’d want to come with me. Considering everything you’ve done to help Madja… and us.”

His brows lifted slightly, surprise flickering in his expression before he smiled. “Really?”

You nodded, waiting and watching him as he thought through his answer.

“The company of a friend is always nice for events,” he said finally.

Your heart stilled at his use of the word "friend.” It felt reassuring. Safe. A reminder that he truly didn’t hold any expectations, just as he’d said only a few minutes prior.

“Yes,” you replied softly, a small smile curling your lips. “It always is.”

“I’d be honored to go. Thank you for the invite, Y/n. I’ve never been to big events like that.”

You laughed lightly. “If you keep letting me smoke your mirthroot, you can come to every event with me forever.”

He grinned, shaking his head, his hair falling across his forehead in an effortlessly charming way. “Is that what I’ve become now? A drug dealer and a friend in one?”

“Yes,” you teased. “A breath of fresh air, really.”

You both fell into another comfortable pause, settling into the easy rhythm of each other’s presence. You wondered what was going on inside Adrin’s mind. His eyes had grown distant, like he was retreating into his thoughts. He had mentioned having a long day too. You hoped he was feeling better now, just as you were, that perhaps your company had offered him what his had offered you—a reprieve.

Adrin reminded you of someone else in your life. Someone with teal eyes and the same easy, friendly humor. You smiled at the fleeting thought that crossed your mind, something quick and bright, like a shooting star.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Azriel’s meeting with Rhysand had taken longer than expected, forcing both males to venture to the Hewn City itself. By the time he returned home, the city of Velaris was already asleep.

Azriel felt conflicted as he passed by your door, his shadows lingering just long enough to confirm that you were safe and asleep in bed. He was relieved, glad that you were finally getting the rest you needed, but a deep, quiet disappointment gnawed at him.

He was planning to catch you one last time today—to talk, even for a moment. To tell you about the meeting with Rhys and how brilliant your plans were, how he was praising them despite you not being there to bask in the compliments. He knew you loved the feedback, knew you loved hearing how your hard work paid off. It always did.

But Azriel knew, even then, the conversation would feel off.

Things had felt off since the night he apologized—and even his shadows had confirmed it wasn’t just in his mind. That he wasn’t simply overthinking.

You’d said you weren’t mad anymore, that you two were okay. But Azriel still felt, still knew, that something was wrong.

Things weren’t normal. They weren’t hostile, and Azriel was beyond thankful for that, but it wasn’t comfortable like it used to be. You seemed to be hesitating around him. It gutted him to think that he had made you wary, made you overthink how you acted around him. He’d stripped himself of his own comfort.

Azriel stepped into his room slowly, feeling the weight of the day begin to catch up with him the moment he crossed the threshold. The door clicked shut behind him, and for a moment, he just stood there, leaning against the frame as he let the quiet settle around him.

The familiar emptiness of the room greeted him. His dresser was bare, the surface wiped clean once again. Mor had, strangely excitedly, offered to clear it out for him when she first learned about Selene’s betrayal. Despite the anger simmering inside him, Azriel had made her promise not to take any drastic measures—he didn’t want her to engage with Selene at all. Mor had reluctantly agreed.

Azriel took a few more steps into the room, and with each movement, the exhaustion that had been nagging him all day seemed to settle more heavily on his shoulders—his body was sore, his mind buzzing with a thousand half-thoughts.

His shoulders slumped as he sank onto the edge of the bed, his hands moving to rub his face, fingers dragging through the mess of his hair.

Azriel hadn’t placed all the items Selene moved, the minimal decorations he owned, back where they belonged yet. But he opened his bedside table and grabbed the one thing he was thinking about—the strange clay creation of him you’d made.

His mind wandered to the night he cleaned your wounds and apologized.

He’d traced the change back to that moment.

Azriel didn’t know why he felt disappointed, why he had expected something different from that interaction. He’d apologized, finally, as he’d intended to—though too late, he told himself, because you’d gotten hurt. But you had accepted it, had looked at him with that same softness he’d come to admire, and accepted it. You’d cracked a joke. You both laughed. It had felt simple again, natural, like Azriel had finally found his way back to himself. But something in him sank when he’d said that one line—when he said he didn’t know why he’d entertained the idea that you’d ever have feelings for him.

He wasn’t sure why, but it tasted so wrong—sour, like something rotten.

He let himself sink further into his thoughts.

Azriel had never seen himself as lovable. At least, not in the way everyone else was.

From the moment he was thrown into that dungeon as a boy, he’d believed he deserved every punishment, every scar, every moment of suffering. The people who should have loved him—the people who were supposed to care—had only taught him he was a burden, something broken and unwanted.

When he left that darkness behind, it followed him, reshaping him into something sharp and unrelenting. A weapon. He became what was needed, what a High Lord required, committing acts that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He wore those deeds like armor, each one another layer of the male he thought he had to be.

Love, he assumed, had to be just as hard. How could it not be? He was unworthy of the softness others found so easily. While Rhysand, Cassian, Amren, and Mor managed to find it, to hold onto it despite their own sins, Azriel had only ever known heartbreak.

So he told himself that love—for him—would never be simple. It would require blood, pain, sacrifice, and suffering. He thought love needed to ache in his chest, leaving him hollow and desperate, clawing for scraps of something he couldn’t quite hold. That it had to be fought for with every ounce of strength he had. And maybe even that wouldn’t be enough.

Something had changed, though, regarding how he thought about love.

His fingers brushed the rough edges of the clay figure in his palm. It was uneven and messy, painted in smudges that bled into each other. The proportions were laughably off—the wings crooked, the body too long—but it fit perfectly in his hand nonetheless.

He held it carefully, turning it over as his chest tightened. You’d made this for him, drunk off your ass and laughing with the others, your hands coated in clay. You’d sculpted a miniature version of him without a second thought.

And though it wasn’t a gift, though you hadn’t even mentioned it after that night, Azriel kept it. Kept it somewhere safe, somewhere he could easily grab it and remind himself that if someone as kind as you could love him, care for him the way you did, then he must not be as awful as his mind often tried to convince him he was.

You’d seen the worst of him—all the jagged edges and dark, unspoken parts. He was the softest with you, a side of himself he never showed anyone else, but somehow also the worst. You’d heard the things he’d done, seen him caked in blood that wasn’t his, and still, you had sculpted him. Still, you thought of him when you were having fun.

Azriel had begun to realize that, in reality, love seemed to be… patient. Gentle.

The love his family had found was hard at times, yes, and needed to be fought for, like everything important. But it was kind. Natural.

And so Azriel thought long and hard, the clay figure resting warm in his hand, his shadows curling and twisting softly around him. They whispered your name, over and over, like a quiet, delicate prayer.

And that was when everything clicked into place.

That deep longing he felt to see you, that comfort he found in your presence, the ability to be open, bare, seen, and unafraid—

That feeling was love.

He was in love with you.

And he suddenly couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

authors note: hey yall.... how we feeling?????

so like im invested. and also i kinda love Adrin like yesss gimme a stoner healer man who respects a persons boundaries and doesnt crush on the idea of them before knowing them!!!

and yesss for azriel being in love!!! hes gonna be struggling with this new realization, fighting the Voices in the corner of his room and being jealous over things he doesn’t need to be jealous over. mmmmmm delicious

i do believe….there may only be one (1) part left 🫢

as always— thank you for reading 🫶🏻

and don’t forget your daily clicks for palestine !

permanent tag list 🫶🏻:

@rhysandorian @itsswritten @lilah-asteria @georgiadixon @glam-targaryen

@cheneyq @darkbloodsly @motheroffae @azrielsbbg @evergreenlark

@marina468 @azriels-human @book-obsessed124 @bubybubsters @starswholistenanddreamsanswered

@feyretopia @yesiamthatwierd @azrielrot @justyouraveragekleemain @marigold-morelli

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cinnxmxngxrl · 17 days ago

Text

“Stormy night” pt.2: Late night calls

Pre Outbreak!Joel Miller x babysitter!Reader

part two of STORMY NIGHT but can be read as a stand alone

part 1 here | Joel’s Masterlist here

Summary: Joel’s mind is full of doubts after you two slept together for the first time, but you remind him of how much you want him in a heated phone call.

WC: 3.3k

Tags/Warnings: smut, minors DNI, dirty talk, age gap, phone sex, masturbation, joel feels insecure about his age, reader babysits sarah.

You’ve continued your life with normality, babysitting Sarah like you’ve been doing for the last six months.

Joel hadn’t touched you since that night a week ago in his kitchen. He hadn’t talked about it either. You didn’t insist. You wouldn’t even know what to say.

The silence screamed every time you looked at each other too long. It sat between you like a ghost, whispering reminders of the way his body had crushed yours into the counter, the way you’d gasped his name like a prayer.

But things had shifted—subtle, unmistakable. The air between you buzzed differently now, thick with something unspoken and restless. The way his eyes lingered on you when he came home and found you curled up on the couch. Like he was memorizing the shape of you. Like he was fighting the urge to touch. The way his fingers brushed yours a little too long when he handed over your pay. That fleeting contact burned like a brand.

He was more talkative too. He’d open up more often than before, telling you about his day—grumbling about busted tools, long hours, or the price of gas. His voice would soften when he talked to you, his words less guarded, like he forgot to keep the walls up. Sometimes, he’d even eat dinner with you before you left.

But he still hadn’t touched you. And it was killing you.

Because you remembered. Every second. The feel of his rough hands trailing over your skin, claiming every inch of you. The way his palms had held you like something precious, like he didn’t want to let go. The way he moved inside you, how his body fit against yours like you were made for him.

You still heard your own moans echoing in your head when you closed your eyes. Still felt the ghost of his weight pinning you to the kitchen counter, still ached from the way he took his time. You tried to recreate it, night after night, fingers buried deep between your legs—but it never came close.

It wasn’t Joel.

One evening, you were with Sarah, both of you sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, working on her science fair project—a little volcano that had already claimed half the carpet with glitter glue.

You first heard the rumble of the truck engine, then headlights sweeping across the living room wall.

Moments later, the front door clicked open and Joel stepped inside. He looked wrecked. Hair tousled. Shirt clinging to the sweat on his chest. Dust streaked across his jeans.

But his eyes—those warm, grey eyes—they looked like he’d barely slept, but yet they landed on you, and they didn’t leave. Heat coiled in your belly, sharp and familiar

“Dad!” Sarah shouted, springing up to wrap her arms around him. “Look at the volcano we’re making!”

Joel smiled, tired but real. “Goddamn, that looks amazin’, sunshine,” he said, voice full of that proud dad tone.

Sarah beamed, pulling him down to show him all the little details, explaining exactly how you two had made it and how the lava would erupt.

You watched Joel watching her, and something twisted in your chest. He looked at her like she was his whole world. That softness—the gentleness in his voice, the way he crouched next to her with such care—it made your heart ache.

Eventually, a little yawn slipped out of Sarah.

“Alright, kiddo. Time for bed,” Joel said, playfully squeezing her arm before leaning in to kiss the top of her head.

For once, Sarah didn’t protest. Didn’t beg for another episode of her favorite show. She just mumbled a sleepy “Goodnight, you two. Love ya,” and trudged upstairs.

“Sweet dreams, sunshine,” he called softly.

And then it was just the two of you.

The silence was immediate. Charged. Heavy with the words neither of you had dared speak.

“You alright?” Joel asked, voice low and rough.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck with a slow, tired motion—like the weight of the world sat there. “I mean… well—” His words faltered, caught in something unspoken. “You been okay since… that night?”

There it was. The question hanging in the air, the elephant you both had danced around. He was addressing what had happened between you two.

You lifted your eyes to meet his—searching, honest. “Yeah. You?”

He swallowed hard. “Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I shoulda stopped. Shoulda been the adult.” He let out a humorless breath. “Hell, I am the adult.”

“I am an adult too, Joel,” you said quietly. “And you didn’t make me uncomfortable.” Your voice was steady, but your chest was tight with everything you wanted to say and couldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I don’t wanna screw this up. You’re… you’re important. To Sarah. To me.”

The way he said it—quiet, unsure, like it hurt to speak—made your chest tighten. You wanted to take that weight from him, to make him believe he wasn’t doing anything wrong just by feeling.

Your heart pounded. It thudded so loud in your chest you wondered if he could hear it. “Who said anything about screwing things up? You’re not screwing up anything.”

Joel exhaled slowly, like he was trying to breathe out the tension in his chest. “I been sleepin’ on the couch every night. Can’t even look at my bed without seein’ you in it. Smellin’ you. Even after changin’ the damn sheets.”

“I don’t want you to pretend nothing happened,” you whispered. The words cracked as they left your lips. Your hands trembled slightly, clenched into fists in your lap.

“I’ve been tryin’ not to think about it,” he said. “But I can’t. I walk around half-hard every time you’re near. I don’t know how to act. Don’t know what to say.”

“Joel—”

“I don’t get it,” he muttered. “You’re young. Hot. You could have any guy you wanted. Why the hell would ya want me? I’m old. Rusty. Can’t even get through a day without my back crackin’ in three places. Probably forgot half the shit I used to know.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you said, almost laughing. “Joel, we had a great time the other night, it was probably the best night of my life. You’re overthinking it. Don’t do that.”

“You don’t get it… I—” He shook his head, covering his face for a moment. His shoulders hunched forward like the weight of his doubts was too much to carry. “I need time to process this, yeah? Gimme time to think, I don’t wanna ruin it.”

You nodded softly. You weren’t going to push, there was no use in that. That would only make him retreat.

If he needed time, then you’d give it to him. Even if it hurt.

You grabbed your bag quietly, your fingers lingering on the strap a moment before you murmured a soft goodbye. Stepping out into the night, the cold air hit your skin like a shock—but it was a relief, somehow. You let the door click shut behind you and took a deep breath, knowing this was far from over.

Joel had been tossing and turning for forty minutes, nowhere near sleep.

Your conversation kept replaying in his mind on a torturous loop. Your voice, soft and sure, kept echoing in his ears—“You didn’t make me uncomfortable.” And it only made the ache in his chest deepen.

He cursed himself—quietly, sharply—for getting tangled in this whole mess.

Was it wrong? Maybe.

Sure, you were over a decade younger. But you were an adult. You wanted him, he’d never pushed you or forced you into anything. And It wasn’t like he was a pervert chasing every younger girl who walked by, it was only you that he liked.

And that terrified him.

What if this was just a phase for you? Just a fun, wild story to tell later, he pictured you laughing later with your friends telling them about— “That time I hooked up with the hot single dad I worked for.”

You were just a girl in her college years, trying to experiment, testing boundaries. Joel knew that world well—hell, he remembered exactly what it was like when he was your age: reckless, hungry for anything new, chasing moments that burned bright but didn’t last.

Joel wasn’t stupid. You’d get bored real soon, grow out of this. Move on and go for someone your age. Someone who didn’t wake up sore from bending the wrong way. Someone who didn’t carry the weight of a lifetime of mistakes.

Someone with a future who could provide something more than a mortgage and a busted back. Someone to have your own family with, not having to take care of someone else’s daughter. Not bound to a man still trying to figure out how to be enough—for himself, for Sarah… for you.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, curling into himself.

Your phone buzzed on the nightstand.

Joel’s name lit up your screen, and your breath caught in your throat.

You scrambled to grab it, heart thudding, fingers fumbling just a little like your body already knew it was him.

You answered quickly. “Hey. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry for callin’ so late,” Joel said, his voice low and scratchy. It was that deep, half-broken tone, like he hadn’t spoken in hours. Like he’d been lying in bed thinking about you just as hard as you’d been thinking about him.

You could hear the exhaustion in him. And something else. Something heavier. Something low and aching, wrapped in need.

“I just needed to hear your voice. That okay?”

“Of course,” you said softly. “It’s good to hear yours too.”

“What’re you doin’?”

“I’m in bed.” You said, shifting under the blanket instinctively, suddenly hyper-aware of the heat pooling between your thighs, the empty ache. The place between your legs throbbed sensitive and wanting.

You heard his breath hitch—just a subtle catch, but it made your skin prickle. Your nipples tightened beneath the fabric of your shirt. Your thighs pressed together on their own. One little sound from him and your whole body was already unraveling.

“Me too,” he whispered.

“I miss you,” you confessed. “So bad it hurts. I wish you were here. I wish your hands wer—”

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, voice breaking. “You know you’re killin’ me right now, right?”

You smiled, cheeks heating.

Your thighs pressed together under the covers, trying to soothe the throb you felt blooming low in your belly.

Silence stretched between you, humming with tension. The kind of silence that pulsed with need, with wanting, with everything you both weren’t saying but felt too deeply to ignore.

Then Joel’s voice came back, low and thick. Like honey and gravel, dragging across your nerves.

“You touchin’ yourself, babygirl?”

You swallowed, heart hammering.

“Not yet.” Your voice came out breathy, almost trembling with anticipation. Your fingers twitched, already itching to move.

Joel let out a low groan—the kind that made your toes curl. You could hear the frustration in it, the hunger.

“Can I hear ya? Please. Lemme listen.”

Your breath caught. “Yes.”

“Good girl,” he rasped, voice like silk.

Your whole body shivered at the praise. You slid your hand beneath your oversized T-shirt, the fabric brushing over your hardened nipples. Your skin felt electric, too hot.

You trailed your fingers slowly down your stomach, dipping beneath the waistband of your panties until you found your slick folds. You were drenched. The heat between your legs was almost unbearable, your pussy aching, begging.

God, you were soaked. Swollen. Your body already reaching for something it knew only he could give.

“Tell me what you’re doin’,” Joel murmured. “Wanna picture it.”

“I’m… touching myself,” you whispered, lips parting as you circled your clit, just small circles around that bundle of nerves. A soft moan spilled from you, your hips already lifting slightly, chasing the sensation.

Joel’s breath hitched again. “You wet for me, baby?”

“So wet,” you gasped. “I’m dripping.”

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Wanna spread you open. Eat you out. Make you cum on my tongue.”

You whimpered, your fingers teasing just enough to build the pressure. Your hips rolled instinctively, chasing more. You imagined the scratch of his beard against your thighs, the heat of his mouth, the way he’d groan against you like he was starving.

“Joel,” you moaned. “I wish it was you…”

“I know, baby. Think bout my mouth on you,” he said, voice rough. “Think bout my cock inside you. Stretchin’ you out. Fillin’ that pretty pussy up.”

You sucked in a sharp breath and pushed two fingers inside your tight entrance, your walls clenching around the intrusion. It wasn’t enough. Not even close. You needed him. The weight of him. The stretch. The depth.

You let out a cry, hips arching off the mattress.

“That’s it, babygirl. Touch yourself f’me. Make yourself cum.”

“Joel…fuck,” you gasped. “My fingers… they’re not enough. I want your cock. It’s so big—I need it.”

You heard the faint rustle on the line, Joel groaning as he fumbled with his belt. You could picture it so clearly—legs spread wide, back against his sheets, his strong hand wrapped around himself, around his thick, throbbing cock, desperate and slick, stroking to the sound of your voice.

Then you heard the wet sound of him spitting on his hand.

“Shit—I’m gonna give it to you next time I see you. Gonna give you my cock. It’s all yours.” You could hear the rhythmic creamy sound on the background. Wet and steady. Fucking obscene. It made your walls flutter again, clenching around nothing.

You moaned, waves of pleasure crushing over you as you pumped your fingers, knuckles deep, in and out of you, fucking yourself harder, the slick sound of your fingers echoing in the quiet room, your breath coming in gasps.

“Put the phone closer, baby… lemme hear how you fuck yourself,” he said, voice thick with breath, gravel dragging at every word.

There was hunger in it. A rawness that made your toes curl. Like he was starving for every part of you—even just the sounds.

You obeyed, lips parted, breath catching as you shifted the phone lower. Your hand trembled slightly as you moved it, angling the speaker toward the slick heat between your thighs. The wet sounds of your fingers working through your folds filled the receiver—slow, messy, obscene.

You heard him groan on the other end. Sharp. Desperate.

“Wish I was there,” he muttered. His breath hitch, the sound of him losing control. “Wanna bury myself in that sweet little cunt. Fuck you slow. Make it last all night. Give you every fuckin’ inch.”

You moaned his name with a broken sob of pleasure, thighs trembling, back arched as your fingers fucked into your drenched heat.

“Joel…fuck—” your voice cracked, wrecked with want. “Nobody’s ever touched me like you… nobody’s ever fucked me like you do.”

His breath came through the line sharp and ragged, almost pained.

“I know, baby…” he groaned, voice thick with pride and hunger. “You were insatiable. Wasn’t enough to fuck you in the kitchen, was it? No— you wanted my cock when I took you to bed too, again and again.”

Your body jolted with the memory. The way he had fucked you over the counter, so hard you nearly screamed. And then the multiple rounds that followed after you two went to bed, allegedly to sleep.

He had picked you up, carried you to his bed like you weighed nothing, and then mounted you like a man starved. He hadn’t just fucked you. He owned you that night.

“I kept beggin’,” you breathed. “Told you I couldn’t take another round but I still opened my legs for you.”

Joel groaned like he was in pain. “God, I remember. You said you couldn’t, but your pussy was still so fuckin’ hungry. Grippin’ me tight, milkin’ every drop I gave you. You took it so well f’me.”

“You came inside me so many times,” you whispered. “It was leaking out of me all night.”

“Shit— I remember when you were lyin’ on your stomach, ass all red from how hard I’d fucked you. Still twitchin’. Could barely breathe. You kept beggin’ me not to stop.”

“Tell me what you’re doing now” you begged, breathless.

“Got my fist ‘round my cock,” he said, voice breaking a little on a breath. “Squeezin’ tight. Thumb right over the tip. It’s—fuck—it’s leakin’, baby. Been hard since I called.”

You whined at that, pressing your fingers deeper, hips arching up. The ache inside you swelling like it knew his voice could reach all the way in.

“Wish it was your mouth,” he groaned. “Wish I could fuck into that pretty throat, hear you gag on it like a good girl.”

He groaned again, louder this time. The rhythm of his stroking matched the slick, wet sounds coming from your end of the line.

“I’m close… Joel, I’m so close—” your voice broke as your muscles tensed, your body strung tight like a bow, curling your fingers just right to hit your g-spot.

“I’m right behind you, baby… cum with me. Wanna hear you lose it.”

You cried out, pleasure crashing through you like a wave.

Your thighs trembled violently, your back arched, and you clenched down hard around your fingers. You came with a broken sob, his name falling from your lips like a spell.

“Oh, fuck—Joel—fuck—”

“Jesus, baby… I’m comin’,” he hissed. “Fuck—fuck, that’s it—your voice—your fuckin’ moans—”

You heard him gasp, and then his breath hitched a ragged, broken sound as he came. Hard. There was a wet, rhythmic slap and a final low growl from deep in his chest as he spilled into his hand, breathing heavy, almost panting.

You could picture him now—spread out, chest rising, hand still loosely around his softening cock, skin flushed, hair damp at his temples, thick ropes of cum coating his stomach.

“That’s my girl… fuck, you sound so goddamn good when you cum,” he said, still breathless. “Shit… made a mess on the sheets.”

“Was it worth the mess?” you murmured, breathless.

Joel let out a lazy chuckle. “Darlin’… you have no idea how much it was worth it.”

“Don’t change the sheets,” you said between gasps, still catching your breath. “I want to see it tomorrow.”

He chuckled, deep and low. “You wanna see my dry cum on the sheets?”

“I want the proof of how bad you wanted me.”

“Jesus… you’re gonna be the death of me,” he whispered, voice reverent.

“Just so you know, I’m not going anywhere, Joel. No matter how much you try to push me away.”

“Don’t say that shit unless you mean it,” he said, voice low, but vulnerable. “Not if this is just somethin’ you’re gonna grow out of.”

“I meant it, Joel,” you whispered. “I still mean it.”

“I just… I don’t get why. Why me? I’m not—”

“How can you not see it?” you said with a soft laugh, still glowing from the high. “Joel, the other night you made me cum so much I felt like I was gonna pass out. I’ve never been with a guy who could make me cum, and you do it just by talking to me. That’s how much I want you. How can you not understand?”

“I just worry… one day this won’t be enough. You’ll get bored once the thrill’s gone, that you’ll wake up and realize you should’ve been with someone younger. Someone who can give you a clean slate, not a man with a teenage daughter and a bad back.”

“I promise you, Joel, I’m not in this for the thrill,” you said gently. “You and Sarah… you both matter too much. I wouldn’t mess with that.”

Joel let out a shaky breath. “How can ya be so fuckin’ perfect and still want an old man like me?”

“Well, the old man has some serious skills.” You said, hearing his chuckle on the other side of the line.

“I just— Christ, I’m like fifteen years older than you. My back cracks every time I bend down to tie my boots. I make old man noises gettin’ outta bed. I got a mortgage, a busted knee, and a daughter who depends on me. I don’t exactly scream eligible bachelor, darlin’.”

“Joel, listen,” you tried to say.

“I just don’t get it,” he muttered, quieter now. “You’re smart. Young. Fuckin’ gorgeous. You’ve got a future. Hell, I probably already lived through the best parts of mine.” He let out a bitter little huff. “What happens when you want marriage? Kids? I can’t start over again. I—I don’t know if I have that in me.”

“You’re not just some older guy to me. You’re Joel. The way you see me, the way you listen… that means more than anything else.”

He chuckled, shaky but real. “Damn, you’re good at this. Makin’ a man feel wanted when he’s been feelin’ invisible for so long.”

“Do you believe me then?” you asked. “That I want you? That I mean it?”

“I do,” he whispered, soft as a secret. “I wish I could be there right now,” he murmured. “Just to hold you. Just to—fuck—I don’t even know. Fall asleep next to you. Wake up with your leg thrown over me. Make you coffee in the mornin’.”

A beat passed. Then: “I know I’m older, baby. I know there’s things you’ll want one day that I probably can’t give. But I swear to God… if you let me keep you, I’ll try to do my best. I’ll damn well try.”

You smiled, curling into your pillow, heart full.

Your body still tingled, warm and sated, but it was his voice in your ear that soothed you. That made everything feel right.

Joel stayed on the line, breathing steady in your ear, until sleep took you both— the connection crackling softly, his breathing a steady comfort in your ear like a silent promise.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the support on the first part. It made me so happy to see how much you enjoyed it, I hope you liked this part as much🫶🏻🩷

dividers by: @/saradika-graphics

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queers-gambit · 2 years ago

Text

God's Plan

prompt: your boyfriend carries the worst parts of his job home, bringing to life one of your deepest-seeded insecurities. or when Carmy calls you clingy.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader -> pairing: Carmy x Peach

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

collection masterlist: Clingy Baby

word count: 3.3k+

note: she's short. she's to the point. author doesn't want to hear a GODDAMN THING about "glorifying" toxic relationships. shut the fuck up, eat your cereal, read the fic or just scroll away.

warnings: cursing, small angst, short fic, author mildly gave up, hurt with no real comfort, allusion to toxic family relationship, insecurity, not edited.

part two: Two to Tango

"Hey, what're you still doin' here?"

You glanced up from your computer, smiling at your coworker, "Just trying to get the study notes finished so they can be used for the analysis."

"Okay...? But you realize what time it is, right?"

You hummed, glancing at the analog clock, "Just about 7?"

"Yeah, so, go home," she chuckled. "Work's still gonna be here tomorrow."

"I'll see you then," you dismissed softly, watching her smile and turn away from your desk. You tried to get back into work, but the truth was, you felt overly burned out, but still wanted to work because it'd make you feel better being "good" at your job.

So, in reality, you didn't get home until 10:56 pm, yet still beat Carmy. You ate something simple, cleaned up, got a shower, and crashed into bed. You didn't know the time, but Carmy eventually came home; his arm heavy around you when settling for sleep.

You were the first up and out the door the next morning, just barely seeing Carmy when he got up for coffee. You managed a single kiss before rushing away, needing to get to work on time. When you got there, your entire morning was blocked for client meetings, then you took lunch, later, team meetings, and then the last hour or so of work was meant for individual recreation.

Another day of staying late, trying to finish work you thought was important. Another day of getting home late, missing your man, going to bed, and only seeing him the following morning.

However, this time at work, your boss told you that the analysis meetings were pushed back by a week... So, technically, you stayed late and busted your ass for no literal reason! And your coworker's entire cup of coffee spilled on you. And your Outlook email was under maintenance, so, you couldn't really work. And then, to top off a really shitty week, your car was hit in the parking lot and now had a huge fucking dent.

You were beat.

You were overwhelmed.

You were miserable, stressed, righteously confused.

You didn't stay late that night. Instead, you left at a normal hour and texted Carmy:

what time do you think you'll be off?

He replied when you got to your car:

maybe around 8?

You sniffled, nodding, answering:

okay, see you when you get home.

As you exited the parking lot, he replied:

what? you're off?

And you answered:

yeah, couldn't stand being there much longer. think you could get off a little early?

When you made three turns, he sent back:

i'll try, peach 💙

When you got home, you felt utterly defeated. Life felt like a never ending shitshow that refused to alleviate most of the stress you forced to endure. You were in tears by the time you got in the door, angrily stripping and getting a long, hot shower. You cried a little longer. When you got out, you got dressed in cozy shorts and one of Carmy's sweatshirts; going about a few household chores when you realized it was already past 9.

You didn't really want to, but you texted Carmy again,

hey, are you gonna be much later?

You made a simple meal, eating it in silence. When you were doing dishes, Carmy answered,

i don't know, going over menu items with syd. text you on my way home

You just went to bed, exhaustion from the week catching up to you.

Sometime later, you felt Carmy crawl into bed beside you. You were only half awake, but still turned over and nestled into his chest, hearing him sigh. "You're home late," you mumbled.

"Sorry f'wakin' you, Peach," he whispered, pecking your forehead. "You good, baby?"

"S'been a long fuckin' week," you squeezed him.

He sighed, "Sorry it was rough, Peach, but hey, hey, back up a little, 's kinda warm."

"But I haven't seen you."

"I know, but it's just warm. We'll cuddle in the morning, okay?" You only sighed and turned back over to face away from him. You resettled with your pillow, just settling when he asked in a hardened tone, "You mad?"

"No, Carmen, go to sleep."

"You sound mad."

"I'm not."

"I don't mean to piss you off, it's just been a long night f'me and I don't want to cuddle right now," he said in a sharp tone that made your stomach coil and churn.

"Shut up, I'm not mad, Carmen, go to sleep."

He scoffed, your irritation spiking. "You're really fucking mad 'cause I don't want you laying on me right now?"

"No, Carmen, Jesus - "

"Callin' me fuckin' Carmen doesn't help," he snapped.

You sat up and turned to him, "You want me to be mad? Maybe I'm a little pissed off that I've barely seen my boyfriend this week! Not like you've made an effort to speak to me, but I've had a pretty shitty time at work, too - so, excuse the fuck outta me for feeling disappointed!"

"Disappointed in fucking what, Peach? In not wanting t'cuddle right now?"

"Maybe, yeah! I'm upset, stressed out, maybe I just wanted some comfort, God! Now you're all up in arms, I just wanted to go to sleep - but no, you want to pick at me!"

"Oh, Jesus, fucking Christ! You couldn't just talk to me about you having a shitty week, you gotta be laid up on me? When the fuck did you get so Goddamn clingy and desperate for fucking attention? Huh? So fucking desperate for love? Sorry you had a shitty week, darling, but you're not alone in that. Sorry if it's fucking hot and I just want to sleep."

Feeling yourself fighting a losing battle because he wasn't listening, you just sighed, "Okay, Carmen."

He scoffed again, turning over to face away from you, "Know what? Fuck you, sweetheart."

You stared at his back for a long minute, feeling shocked by his words. "You can be such a fucking dick, you know that?" You snapped, standing from bed.

"And you can be a dramatic bitch."

"Yeah, that's me, the bitch you chose, huh!?" You rolled your eyes and nodded sarcastically; taking the blanket from the end of the bed, figuring he wouldn't miss it since he was so fucking hot. With only your phone and charger, you went out to the living room and crashed on the couch; covering up and crying quietly into a pillow from the overwhelming stress built in your chest. You felt guilt plunging your stomach, tearing it apart; feeling as if it were your fault for having physical touch as a love language.

Sleep evaded you that night. About an hour before your alarm, you called in sick and shut your phone off, resettling in misery as Carmy left the bedroom for work. You didn't move, never opened your eyes. However, they popped open in surprise when Carmen shoved your shoulder, "Hey."

"What?" You muttered.

"You're late for work."

"Called in."

He snorted, "Yeah, must be nice."

You didn't say anything else, feeling utterly defeated by his sharp words. The lack of response made Carmy pause and glance over at you from the kitchen, honest surprise coloring his system because he usually knew you to bite back. But you were quiet and still, the only indication you were even alive being the slow drag of your shoulders.

He let the door slam after he left for work, and you instantly sobbed. What you didn't know was that Carmy had come back, forgetting something mundane, and came to a halt outside the door when he heard you crying. He felt guilty, but Carmy wasn't usually one to confront problems; he instead ran away, like always.

After a night of exhaustion, you finally cry yourself to sleep.

When Carmy got home that night after work, he found you still huddled on the couch. After a look around, he realized you hadn't moved all day; nothing to eat, nothing to drink... He wanted to wake you but still felt so fucking irritated from his job that the idea of reconciling with you felt far fetched. So, he did what he did best and isolated himself by going to the gym for a few hours.

You still hadn't woken up when he got back.

So, he just went to bed; hating sleeping alone but hating his pride more because it refused to let him get up and go get you. Carry you to bed. Smother you in apologies. Beg for forgiveness. He was cold that night.

You were awake around 4 am.

The entire apartment felt as cold and aloof as your boyfriend. You felt so silly for still being there, knowing you paid for an apartment of your own, but liking that Carmy's place was closer to your work. And he never asked you to leave, in fact, the times you went home, he was calling you within hours to beg you to come back because he hated sleeping alone.

Whatever happened to that lad? The one who was so in-love with you that he would desperately ask you to come "home" to him? Who was this man now? Who called you clingy, desperate... A bitch.

You could only stand to make coffee, feeling powerless in this tension. You didn't want him to ignore you any longer, feeling like you'd drop to your knees for his forgiveness if it would end this feud; but you weren't so naïve. You spent several long minutes mentally prepping yourself for more anxiety, telling yourself you could handle the day if you just powered through it. Everything should be fine so long as you didn't do anything else to upset him, as long as you didn't do anything to warrant him yelling at you - again.

You finally decided on an emotion, since you could feel so many at any given point in time, and since this situation was one you've never encountered before. Carmy had brought forth one of your biggest insecurities and then smashed it in your face like punk-ass siblings did to your birthday cake. You decided you were hurt by his words, tone, and actions; you were hurt by the man you loved unconditionally, and that was a terrifying thought on its own. He was once a man you thought couldn't do any wrong, to now being a man you were unsure of how to even speak to; fearful, as you once were as a child, to upset him and create hostility directed at you.

Carmy often forgot he didn't have a monopoly on toxic, complicated family dynamics, but being that Mikey was still so fresh for him, you kept quiet about your own issues in an effort to be a loving, supportive girlfriend. Yet even while trying not to upset anyone, to create tension, you somehow managed to. You felt your heart and soul shrivel into a withered raisin when you remembered your family and how they constantly put you down; saying that nobody wanted a girl like you who tried, tried, and tried again only to fail. They thought you were damaged goods, treated you as such and always smeared your name in the mud whenever you thought you had found someone to love you and be loved by you.

All that trauma was rearing its ugly head now, making doubt sink into the cracks of your relationship. No matter how hard he tried, Carmy couldn't ever take those words back once they've been said, and he had to understand that going forward, this would strain your relationship. Taking anger and frustration out on you was inappropriate, putting a bad taste in your mouth; making you wonder how the hell you'd ever move past this when his words circled your head like water draining from the sink.

Sometime around 9 am, you were curled up on the couch with your coffee and a book; Saturday dragging by slowly to allow you the reprieve of being off work. The bedroom door opened and you held your breath; sweat breaking out on your brow; heart stammering in your chest. When he came out, Carmy didn't look at you, which allowed you to watch him. He made a to-go cup of coffee, then shouldered his backpack before heading for the door.

"Carmy?" You asked softly in confusion, "I thought you were off today?"

"I am," he replied stiffly, "but I gotta run errands."

You didn't have time to respond before he was storming out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. You blinked in shock, confusion plunging your heart to your feet as you realized he didn't ask you to join him, in fact, he didn't appear to want to tell you his plans until you had to ask directly when he was walking out the door. You felt terrible, more tears swelling in your eyes at the discord your boyfriend prolonged.

Something in your heart snapped and you stood from your seat. With anger coursing through your veins, you turned into a miniature tornado and quickly started gathering whatever you could get your hands on that belonged to you. You had enough, you felt hurt, yes, we established this, but then the disrespect started to overflow out of your heart to color your blood. Never linger where you're not wanted, you should never tear yourself down to that level. Never should have to second guess yourself, either - especially in a space where you're supposed to be safe.

You started to wonder: is it clingy if you made dinner and saved him a plate? Is it clingy if you did his laundry? What about cuddling? Is that clingy? Well, apparently! What else are you wrong about? If you texted him? Asked his opinion? What about if you held his hand - is that clingy, too? Probably!

Physical touch and quality time were your love languages, but after this reaction, you wondered if everything you'd do from now on would be judged? Would you be crucified for showing your love? For trying to participate in your relationship?

All day, you moved your stuff back to your apartment. All shoes, clothes, purses, make-up, haircare and skincare products - any and all period products, too. You left fucking nothing; going as far as to lay face-down the photo of your two on his bedside stand. You'd of taken it, too, but you felt sick at the thought so you left it for him. Sunday night, you didn't return to his apartment, and Carmy didn't call to say goodnight; both figuring the other was still pissed off. Your Monday was long and annoying, but once it was over, you had to admit, it was strange returning to an empty apartment, heat up leftovers, eat while watching some Netflix show, and then crashing into bed - moving mechanically.

Days passed uneventfully, albeit, a bit sluggishly. And then, Thursday arrived, and with it, the shit that would hit the fan.

You were enraptured in this book by Anne Tyler called "Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant," and couldn't stop reading it. You nursed a mug of tea, the outside darkening with an approaching thunderstorm that would talk to you in the silence and send bolts of lightning to illuminate the city. A shrill ringtone then played, making you jump slightly and glance at your phone only to see Carmy's contact name and photo.

You stare at your phone for a long moment, and then, after convincing yourself that ignoring him would only add fuel to the fire, answered quietly, "Hello?"

"Peach? Hey, uh... Are you, um, still at work?"

"No?"

"Where are you, then?"

"I'm home."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"I'm standing right here and you're not, baby, unless you got superpowers or something?" He chuckled nervously, hearing nothing on your end. "In fact, I, uh... I don't see any of your things. You move 'em?"

He'd never admit it, but your personal touch in his living space transformed it into a home; and now that they were all gone, he hated how cold, dreary, and grey the apartment felt.

"Carmy, I mean my home. You know? The apartment I still pay for?"

"Oh, well... Why're you there?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I had to bring my stuff back and leave it somewhere safe."

"It was safe here, Peach," he argued.

"Yeah, but it's your space and last thing I need is to be yelled at and insulted again for being clingy 'cause I left clothes at your apartment."

"Fuc'k's sake," You heard him hiss under his breath, bringing tears to your eyes. "You know I don't mind, I want you to leave shit here so it's easier on you to commute. Look, you know it's Thursday, right? Does our standing date night ring any bells?"

"Okay, but we haven't honored that in weeks? You know, 'cause you've been really busy."

"I thought we could get back into it tonight."

You sighed, turning the page in your book, "No, I don't think so, but thanks anyway."

He took a long pause, asking nervously, "What's wrong, Peach?"

"Nothing. Is there anything else, Carmen? I'm in the middle of shit."

"Oh, uh, n-no, I guess that's it. You comin' over tomorrow?"

"No. I told my brother I'd help him this weekend."

"But tomorrow's... Friday?"

"Yeah, that's how a calendar works. I have to travel to get to him," you scoffed.

"You didn't think to tell me?"

"Why would I?"

"You tell me everything! You don't think that's something I should know? That my girl's not even gonna be here this weekend?"

"Well, you're the one who said I was fucking clingy, remember!?" You finally snapped. "So, I'm giving you all that space you wanted!"

"Baby - "

"No, it's a great idea. We need space, Carmen; this isn't fair to either of us anymore," you spoke seriously, the line going quiet.

"What?"

"We need space from this relationship."

"I don't. I don't need space, Peach, baby, no, just listen, okay? I'm so sorry, I came home stressed out and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, I really am, this isn't what I want. Okay? I'm sorry. Just - come back home and we can - "

"No, you know what? I think I'm the one who needs this space," you snapped. "You said some pretty fucked up things, Carmen, that you can't ever take back, and now that I know, I can't un-know what you think about me. So, I need time to sort myself out."

"What're you saying? A-Are you breaking up with me?"

"Not yet, no."

"Baby, don't do this. C'mon, okay? I'm sorry, baby, I-I-I was wrong for what I said, I didn't - I didn't mean it! None of it, okay? Know I love you, baby, please, just come home, okay? I'm so sorry, I love that you wanna be close to me, I shouldn't've pushed you away. I'm sorry, okay? Please, baby, I'm so sorry. I need you, Peach, please. Just come home, we'll talk it through, I promise, no yelling - "

"I think you already said it all. Your words were 'clingy' and 'desperate'. Oh, and you also called me a 'bitch', so, I'd hate to be the bitch that makes your already stressful life all the harder."

"I didn't mean that - "

"I gotta go, Carmen, we'll talk later, okay? Goodnight."

He froze when he listened to those three distinct beeps that indicated you hung up on him. Confusion and hurt now seeped into the cracks of Carmy's heart; wondering when the hell he'd become so Goddamn self destructive to ruin the best thing he's ever had - you. The apartment might as well turned into ice with the way the light left, your departure suddenly haunting him.

When will these boys learn? The love of a good woman is rare, they'd only ever be so lucky as to think they deserve a woman like you. Nobody ever gets to guilt you for your love language(s) and then grovel for forgiveness. You deserve better, you deserve more; whether you could see that right now or not, you deserved to be loved in the best way for you. And sometimes, that means walking away from something you once thought was exactly what you wanted, but perhaps, never what you needed - call that God's Plan.

[ part two: ] Two to Tango

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

Clingy Baby collection masterlist

#carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmy berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto angst #the bear #the bear fx #fx the bear #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto fic #carmen berzatto fanfiction

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esperderek · 1 year ago

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I have to have a chuckle at the Screenrant article posted recently about the Galactic Starcruiser, which totally wasn't about Jenny Nicholson's video honest.

In part, because early in Nicholson's video, she talks about how unnatural it is to have your influencers speak in adcopy and copyright rather than the more colloquial nicknames, and how it makes the people speaking about the product seem very insincere and, well, paid off. Because normal humans don't speak that way, but advertising does.

What's the first two lines in this article?

"As a life-long fan of Star Wars, there was nothing quite as exciting as finding out that I would be working on the immersive Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser experience. Located at the Walt Disney World Resort, the Galactic Starcruiser opened on March 1, 2022, and welcomed passengers to board a two-day, two-night cruise through the stars, during which they could live out their own Star Wars adventure."

No one talks like this naturally. No one writes like this naturally.

This is supposed to be your passioned defense of the place you worked at, the people you worked with, and the memories you made along the way. C'mon! Why don't you open with a story, perhaps an anecdote about the best moment you had working there, or the devastation of the day you lost your dream job. We need to feel your humanity! But there's nothing of that here, to the point where you can just hear the TM behind Galactic Starcruiser.

The first half of this article continues in this vein, reading like a press release Disney marketing put out, just with past tense rather than present or future tense:

"Essentially, the Starcruiser experience was a 48-hour movie that passengers were actually a part of. It was all facilitated through the "datapad," which was accessed through the Play Disney Parks app."

"To facilitate the overarching immersive experience and storytelling, the Starcruiser built a jam-packed itinerary for each and every guest that would consist of a variety of important activities: the captain's toast at muster, a bridge training exercise, lightsaber training, and more. These types of events were essential to understanding what was happening, as they would give passengers the chance to interact with characters and build their story. This is why the Starcruiser could never be just a hotel; every part of it was designed for enthusiastic interaction."

Like, c'mon. I used to work in television. I've seen and used adcopy in my former job, and this is some serious adcopy. It honestly wouldn't shock me if the author dredged up some old adcopy they had lying around about the topic and just transferred it over, changing the tense. You're not here to sell us this product, because there is no product to sell. It's gone, it's been gone for a year, you don't have to sell us on IT. Speak about your experiences.

The next part is yet another topic that Jenny Nicholson pointed out, the bad faith excuses that influencers and advertisers made for the extreme price point:

"What many people don't know, however, is that the price included much more than just a room. The passengers' food, park tickets, recreation activities on board, non-alcoholic drinks, and more were all included - with merchandise being one of the few additional costs on board."

Which is absolute bad faith reasoning, especially when there are plenty of other vacation options that are ALSO all-inclusive, but are MUCH cheaper and offer MORE amenities than the Galactic Starcruiser did! Including Disney Cruises, owned by the same company! Seriously, you can go on a halfway decent sounding cruise or all-inclusive resort somewhere warm for, like, a week or two and spend far less than GSC cost.

Then the last part is essentially: "All the workers liked working there and the bad reviews afterwards make the workers who worked on it feel sad. :("

Which, like, companies have been hiding behind that reasoning for ages. Curiously, the author never offers....any reasons or stories. WHY did working on it impact you so much? What set it apart, what were the people like, what did you like about working there, why are you so passionate about it even a year later? There's nothing, just a generic sort of "We worked hard." and "We're sad it's gone." Why? How? What happened? The video you're obviously writing this in response to is filled with personal anecdotes and stories, it's the backbone of the video! Again, you need to give us something to show your humanity!

Especially when you consider that Nicholson repeatedly points out that the only highlight about her experience, the only thing that kept the damn thing going was the workers.

She had nothing but praise for them, and nothing but contempt for the higher ups who wasted and abused that enthusiasm, to the point where one of her last points was "Hey, Disney is basically exploiting labor."

Much like Jenny, I'm also not condemning anyone who had a good time working there. Good! If you were having a good time at work, that's great. If you have good memories about the people, awesome. But I'll note two things:

a) That doesn't meant you weren't being exploited, and

b) That doesn't mean you have to be a useful idiot for the corporation you worked for afterwards.

I'm not conspiracy brained enough to go "Oh, Disney TOTALLY forced this article into being.", because a cursory examination of the author's prior works and such suggests a lifelong passion for Star Wars, she did work at the hotel, and she's a Star Wars Editor (whatever THAT means in this day and age) for Screen Rant. Apparently one of the heads of Screen Rant says that Disney had no hand in it either.

Though, I can see why people would think that way. It READS like a press release, not something a normal human being would write about an experience they feel passionate about.

#jenny nicholson #star wars #galactic starcruiser #disney #screen rant #star wars hotel #disney world #you can't defend with adcopy #you just sound super fake

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propertyofwicked · 11 months ago

Text

SCANDALOUS - OP

summary - in which oscar discovers what type of books his girlfriend is actually reading

warnings: 18+ allusions to smut, but mostly fluff

this is my first oscar piece and i am considering a part 2! lemme know what you think! <3 (also sorry for disappearing my life has been all over the place)

masterlist the playlist

as they arrived at the silverstone track, oscar and y/n could feel the palpable anticipation in the air. navigating through the crowds was something y/n could only compare to her idea of personal hell. people everywhere, sporting the bright colours of different teams, people approaching the two of them, holding out hats and phones for oscar to sign. if this was friday, y/n hated to think what the rest of the weekend would be like - hopefully she could arrive later than oscar and avoid the hustle and bustle.

"are you going to be okay here?" oscar asked softly, concern evident in his eyes, as he led the two of them into mclaren hospitality. he wasn’t blind, if anything he could read her emotions better than he could read his own - he knew she was overwhelmed, but not quite at breaking point.

"yeah, i've got my book and headphones,” y/n replied, patting her bag quickly, “i'll find a quiet spot,” she added with a nod, giving him a reassuring smile.

“i’ll see you in a bit, yeah?” he asked her again, holding her wrists softly in his hands.

“i’ll be here,” she replied, still smiling as she stepped up onto her tiptoes to press a quick kiss to his lips.

y/n watched as oscar left, before turning on her heel and trying to find a cosy corner, tucked away from the commotion where she could read her book in peace. and as she sat with her back to the wall, she couldn’t help but feel grateful that no one could walk behind her and glimpse at what she was reading. her flushed cheeks may slightly give it away to anyone who recognised the book, but as she flipped through the pages she was met with nothing but pure, indulgent smut. it was a guilty pleasure that she seldom admitted to enjoying, and whilst she was more than content with oscar, she was too shy to admit she’d want him to do more than half of the acts she reads about.

maybe next time, she should bring a murder mystery book with her, instead of reading 82 pages of unforgiving sex scenes that are described in such detail that she could almost imagine how oscar would recreate it beautifully - yeah, maybe not the right thing to be reading at your boyfriend’s place of work.

“hi,” a voice interrupted, causing y/n to jump quickly as she looked up to see one of the hospitality staff stood in front of her, “i was just wondering if we would be able to steal this chair? i can find you somewhere else to sit - it’s just a guest would like to sit here.”

“of course,” y/n replied, smiling up at the nervous girl before moving to shove everything back into her bag, “i probably should go on a walk anyways.”

“thank you so much, and sorry for making you move - the guest is a sponsor, so they expect us to move heaven and earth to accommodate them,” the employee added with a grin.

“i understand,” y/n replied, laughing lightly as she stood, “your hair is so beautiful by the way.”

“thank you,” the girl smiled, blushing at the compliment.

oscar had been engrossed with his team, discussing strategy and making adjustments for the practice session, when he realised it had been several hours since he’d seen his girlfriend. and once the practice session had finally ended, with a full team debrief, he made it his mission to find her.

"have you seen y/n around?" oscar inquired casually, glancing over at lando who had walked into hospitality with him.

"yeah, she was sitting in the corner over there," lando chuckled, gesturing towards the quieter section of the hospitality area, “….but she’s not there anymore,” he added, trailing off as he noticed the empty chair.

"thanks mate, glad you’ve still got those keen observational skills," oscar replied sarcastically, “don’t know what i’d do without you around.”

“hey! i was just telling you where i last saw her!” lando defended, holding his hands up, ”she’s probably in a quiet corner somewhere, reading that book. she’s probably the only person that didn’t notice i’d even walked in earlier ‘cos she was nose deep in it.”

“sounds about right,” oscar hummed, pulling his phone out to shoot her a quick where are you text.

sure enough, oscar found y/n in a quieter corner, still engrossed in her book. he approached her quietly and gently tapped her shoulder. y/n looked up, removing her headphones and quickly closing the pages before smiling warmly at him.

"hey there, lost track of time?" oscar asked, sitting down beside her, pulling his legs up to his chest as his back leant on the wall.

y/n nodded, "yeah, i guess i did. how was practice?"

"pretty good," oscar replied, "we made some solid improvements. what about you? what are you reading?"

y/n hesitated for a moment, a flicker of defensiveness crossing her expression. "oh, it's just a book. nothing special."

oscar raised an eyebrow, sensing her reluctance to share. "come on, it can't be that bad. is it some secret spy novel or something?"

y/n chuckled nervously. "no, nothing like that. just... personal. i'll tell you about it later, maybe."

"alright, fair enough," he replied, "ready to head back to the hotel?"

y/n sighed with relief. "yes please.”

“that bored, huh?” he asked as he stood, extending his arms to help pull her from the floor.

“not bored, just-”

“overwhelmed? hungry? eager to see me after a shower?”

“always.”

“good to know,” he added, draping his arm around her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her forehead, "you know, you're quite the mystery sometimes," he teased gently as they began to walk to the car.

"keeps things interesting, doesn't it?" y/n smirked, “no fun in being predictable.”

they arrived at the hotel room, and as they settled in, the atmosphere relaxed. y/n flopped down on the bed, and oscar joined her, laying his entire body on top of hers, her hands moving to stroke along his back softly.

"so, how's the book?" oscar asked again, with a playful glint in his eye.

y/n rolled her eyes playfully but couldn't suppress a smile. "it's good. maybe i'll let you read it someday."

"wow, such a privilege!" oscar feigned shock, “but how would i ever repay you for such an offer.”

"don't push your luck, piastri,” she replied, her arms grabbing his sides in attempt to push him off. he laughed, rolling to the side to lay next to her.

"alright, alright. i won't push. but seriously, thanks for coming with me today. it means a lot."

y/n's expression softened. "of course. i wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

oscar leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "i'm lucky to have you, you know that?"

y/n's eyes sparkled with affection. "i think we're both pretty lucky."

“i’d be even luckier if you let me read that book of yours,” he grinned.

"you're ridiculous.”

"only for you," he replied with a grin, his arm reaching across her waist for his fingers to draw circles into the skin of her stomach. his head dipped, trailing kissed along her clothed shoulder, until he was resting on his arm, hovering over her slightly, his lips finding their way to the skin of her neck.

“please,” he whispered, kissing along her jaw.

“fine,” y/n replied with a loud huff, pushing herself up from the bed to retrieve the book from her bag. oscar remained on the bed, resting on his side and using his arm to hold his head up as his eyes followed her across the room.

she launched the book at him, watching as it landed just shy of his stomach.

“come and join me,” he beckoned, shuffling himself up the bed, book in hand.

“i’d rather stand here, actually.”

“ok weirdo.”

the room fell to a silence as oscar opened the book, choosing to open at a page in the middle.

“why is this all highlighte- oh. OH. oh wow,” he spoke aloud, grimacing slightly in between raising his eyebrows at the literature, “this is - is that even possible? how has he got her leg up there?”

“you can stop now,” y/n begged, climbing on the bed and stretching over in attempt to snatch the book from his hands.

“no, i don’t think i will,” he teased, raising the book above his head, though at an angle where he could still read it, “ ‘…..he said, grabbing my other leg and placing them both behind his head’ - this girl is flexible jesus.”

“oscar piastri you give me that book right now.”

“ok! ok!” he said defensively, “….on one condition.”

“…what?” y/n responded cautiously, noticing the way he smirked at her.

“you tell me, is this something you wanna try?” he asked, “the things in this book? is that what you want?”

“minus the kidnapping part….maybe?” she replied, fiddling with her fingers.

“maybe, huh?” he teased, placing the book to his side before grabbing her waist to pull her into him. y/n straddled his lap, though desperately tried to look anywhere but his face, desperate to hide the flush of her cheeks, only worsened by looking in his eyes.

“honestly, i just wanna know if im that flexible,” she replied with a laugh, still playing anxiously with her fingers whilst trying to fight against her own awkwardness.

“i know you can get at least one leg up there,” oscar joked, fingers tickling at her sides playfully, “although, you’re not very good at twister.”

“we have played twister ONCE. and i was drunk. you cannot hold that against me.”

“drunk or not, your foot was still dangerously close to going up my ass.”

“and yet no assholes were harmed.”

“speaking of.. does this book mention anyth-”

“if you think you are putting ANYTHING up there you are very much mistaken mr piastri,” y/n argued, holding his jaw in her hands to make her point clear.

“mr piastri? i prefer da-”

“NOPE! LA LA LA,” she interrupted, quickly covering her ears before he finished his sentence.

“im kidding, im kidding,” he laughed out breathlessly, holding on to her hips as his body shook with laughter, “so about this flexibility thing.”

“let me stretch first,” she told him, kissing his lips softly. y/n moved to climb off him, only half serious about stretching, but his hands stayed put on her waist, pulling her back into him. he kissed her again, a hand traveling up her body to rest on her jaw and he deepened the kiss, his tongue swiping her bottom lip briefly.

“no need, i know a good way to get you warmed up,” he told her cheekily, his lips returning to her neck once more, teeth nipping at the sensitive skin below her ear.

“oh really?” she replied, her eyebrows raising at the suggestion, “please, go on. tell me more.”

#oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #formula 1 #op81 #op81 x reader #op81 fluff #op81 smut #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri smut #mclaren #propertyofwicked #lando norris #oscar piastri imagine

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cutehoons02 · 5 months ago

Text

Would you like to recreate with me these spicy scenes?

University series: Heeseung Jungwon Jay

*pairing: pervy roomate Jake x vlogger/youtuber Girl

*trope: roomates to lovers

*synopsis: What if your nosy roommate named Jake Sim found a pack of Amazon and inside were "spicy" books you need to read and review on various social platforms? A disaster. Jake is the perfect roommate but underneath he’s a pervert and thanks to these books he has the chance to tease you, to poke you with his double-sided jokes and maybe give in to his advances.

*tags: A lot of tension, pervy Jack, a lot of humor, teasing, fluffy, kissing, sucking, mirror sex, unprotected sex (don’t horny ppl) minor don't interect +18, fingering, masturbation, cunt slapping,cowgirl, reproduction of sex scenes from a book invented by me, pet names (spicygirl, goodgirl) (golden retriever boy,pervy) jealousy, possession

(English is not my native language)

11k (🤍)

Having Jake as a roommate is not bad for you, he cooks when he has time for delicious dishes, respects the rules of washing dishes and cleaning the house, and always leaves his unmistakable scent of spicy but sweet tenor throughout the home. The only thing you can’t stand about him is how nosy he is in things that should not interest them, as it happened at this exact moment but let’s understand Jake is called by his friends "Golden retriever boy" and it’s in his nature to be curious...

Jake had just returned from the gym, still slightly sweaty, with his hair all messed up and a shirt he’d left on the couch as soon as he walked through the door. He was wandering around the living room with his protein smoothie in hand when he noticed an Amazon package on the coffee table, it was written that it was for Y/n but he was now used to discarding the gifts that made you the brands you worked with and each time he found: makeup, skincare, accessories and scented candles. He knew that it bothered you slightly when opening your things before you but by now you had made a habit of it, it was almost a year that you shared the apartment with that guy with the nerd and studious appearance but who also loved to have fun; He was very curious to see what was in that package and when he opened it he found 3 books, men perfect with bare chest but with masks on their face, women posing as languid and titles that seemed like they had come out of a fanfiction contest.

«The masked devil? Wait, what is this?» Jake raised an eyebrow, flipping through the pages. But it did not stop there now on Tik Tok you could find everything and you were a vlogger but you also talked about books in the #Booktok, he searched for the title of this to find out more and found himself catapulted into a universe of videos with animated reviews and quotes... spicy. This book was meant for an almost adult audience and when he saw the aesthetics he realized that it was about 4 guys who were called the "dark devils" and they all had 4 books with their respective "love stories" if you could call them so, But his curiosity hit him even more when he saw that only in a book there were a huge amount of spicy scenes and dirty settings where the protagonists did their thing.

«Wow, who would have thought that the literature student and vlogger with more than 500 thousand followers read this kind of stuff.» He said with a mischievous grin, starting to read one of the boldest scenes aloud for pure fun and to understand why TikTok videos had more than half a million likes.

Just then, you were coming back from your creative writing course at the university. You were wearing a light leather jacket over a plain top and faded jeans, but you stopped suddenly when you saw Jake on the couch. He was without his shirt where you could see all the well-defined muscles of the several hours he spent training and your eyes went down where you saw the V line where there were his Calvin Klein boxer shorts, wearing just a pair of sports pants and...nerd glasses? That made him even sexier and more innocent than the little innocent Jake could have; with a book in his hands, He was reading with an almost academic concentration the book that had sent you the publishing house to read and then to review in your various social platforms.

"What are you doing?!" you yelled in panic with your cheeks slightly red for the situation, while your eyes passed from the book to your roommate half-god and half-nerd.

Jake looked up slowly as if he had been caught in the act but with a smile so disarming that he seemed innocent.

«Oh, welcome back, Y/n, or maybe I should call you SpicyGirl from today. Is this your book?» asked, lifting the book to show you the cover with an inquiring air. «Interesting choice of readings, who would have ever thought that a literature student was encouraged to read these dirts, I thought you only read authors like Dante or Shakespeare that is a little more modern!»

You brought your hands to your face, blushing visibly.

You brought your hands to your face, blushing visibly. "But how dare you open my packages?! Give me back that book now! It’s the thousandth time I tell you that I don’t want you to open my packages and every time I come home like a puppy looking for something to snoop on you make other things"

Jake stood up, still holding the book. Wait, wait, you can’t leave me in the middle. The protagonist was going to do something with one of those riders in a pool and had just come to the description... ehm, graphic. You know, this stuff is instructive. Really.»

"Instructive?!" You went to him, trying to grab the book, but Jake raised his arm above his head, keeping it out of his reach. He was taller than you and with that cheeky little smile, he looked at your head to head and saw how red you were both because of the situation in the book but also because you were way too close and he: He wore only a pair of sweatpants and had his toned and sculpted physique.

«Well, yes» he continued with a sneaky smile. «I didn’t expect that Miss Vlogger, where you put all the colorful, cute videos of your trips with your friends had such a dark side... Dark romance, huh? I bet the next package when they see you have reviewed these things will be full of sex toys...?»

You hit him lightly on the chest. " If you don’t give me back the book right away, I swear that I’ll make you appear in one of my vlogs dressed as a character from Bridgerton and you know that I’m not kidding Jake"

Jake laughed, finally lowering the book to hand it. «Okay, okay, here it is, SpicyGirl. But I must say that now i'm curious. Why is a girl all cardigan, always nice, composed, and vlog read stuff so...spicy?»

Took the book with a quick gesture from Jake’s hand trying to regain composure.

"For your information, i'm an eclectic reader, this saga is the saga of the moment on Booktok and they sent me the first 3 books to read, sponsored them, and gave us a detailed review. And you’re a pervert! Next time, leave my packages alone."

Jake falls back on the couch and stretches a little with his hair slightly fluffy and that perverted smile, leaning on the armrest «Sure, sure. But you know,» he said with his head down, «if you need someone to discuss your... readings with, I’m here. That’s why we’re roommates, right? Helping each other, sharing moments of no and fun together!»

You were about to go to your room with the book in your chest. " Not even for an idea, i will share with you what i think of these books, if you are curious you will look at the review that i will publish in a couple of days. And put on a shirt, every time i see you you’re always half naked!"

«You say it, SpicyGirl, and stop being a saint in your books there are more scenes where the protagonists are naked than anything else, and don’t tell me that you don’t like what you see» Screamed Jake as you slammed the door of your room with all red cheeks but with a funny smile.

You were lying on the bed with the book in your hands. You agreed to review the novel at the request of your followers for weeks now, your fyp was flooded with videos on this book but you could not concentrate: each chapter was more intense than the previous one, and the idea of having to tell everything in front of a camera made you uncomfortable. You had already reviewed the romance with spicy scenes and you had no problems but it was the first time you were inspired by dark romance. Meanwhile, Jake was in his room playing online video games with Heeseung.

Jake was chuckling as he pressed the buttons on his controller "Dude, you’re dead for the fifth time. Your team will hate you."

Heeseung puffed in the voice chat << Ah, forget it. My head is elsewhere. My girlfriend is on the sofa reading a book... way too exciting and spicy. Yesterday while we were dining he made me see and read some scenes that there are in this saga of "devils" or "demons" with masks >>

Jake pauses, interested in the words of Heeseung. "Book? Wait... what kind of book?"

Heeseung laughed << You know, one of those super-popular dark romances on TikTok. With sensual covers, devils or demons, forbidden passion, blah blah. She’s obsessed with these things lately, when Cheerleader finishes training she eats and then she gets next to me while I play video games and she reads those books >>

Jake looked at Hee with a surprised expression "Wait a second. It’s called "The Masked Devil"?

Heeseung looked at Jake surprised << Yes, that’s it! How do you know?

Jake chuckled between himself and "Let’s say fate has made me read it. Y/n has to review it and by chance, the other day happened in my hand and I read some scenes. But... doesn’t it bother you that your girlfriend reads these things? I mean, don’t you feel... boh, competitive?"

Heeseung laughed openly << Competition? No, on the contrary! Sometimes we take inspiration from those scenes. You are pleased, and to me... well, it does not matter at all, do not take me for crazy but those scenes are described in detail that it is not difficult to be wrong and it is exciting >>

Jake looked at the gamer with surprise "Get a lead, huh? Like... replicates between you two?"

Heeseung laughed at Jake’s interest. << Exactly. Trust me, it works. >>

Jake leaned against the back of his chair, and some naughty thoughts began to spin in his head. The idea of you reading the same book strikes him differently now. He can’t help but imagine you in one of those scenes: vulnerable, passionate, completely lost in a moment of desire, and a mischievous spark illuminates his gaze.

"Interesting. Very interesting, Heeseung"

<< Why do you have that voice? What are you thinking? >>

Jake with an innocent smile took off his headphones "Nothing, nothing. Just... taking mental notes, you know how it is."

"Jake, whatever you’re thinking, i don’t want to know."

Jake closes the chat and leans to his desk. He looks at the wall that divides his room from yours. He can’t get the idea of recreating one of the scenes in that book out of his head. Not for someone else, but with you. A possessive desire creeps into him, making it difficult to ignore that thought.

You, unaware of Jake’s thoughts, continue reading. You were completely immersed in a particularly intense scene with your face flushed. Your door was ajar. Jake, coming out of his room on the pretext of going to the kitchen, noticed the light on and felt the silence coming from your room. Curiosity devours him. He approached slowly, peeking through the crack.

You were reading quietly and underlining the book a scene "Her hands wrapped around her life, pressing it against the wall with an intensity that made her tremble, N/t was now lost to S/b and S/b began to torture his neck and after a while kissed her with a dominant intensity..."

Jake opens his eyes wide, trying to hold back a laugh. He steps back and hands his hair. The sight of you so immersed affects him more than he wants to admit. Here comes an unhealthy idea: to provoke you and push the game a little further.

You went down in a cuina ready to make yourself a tea. Jake is in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a casual look, but his eyes betray a mischievous spark.

Jake looked at you with a clever smile «Oh, but look who is the queen of reading. You like that boy disguised as a devil, eh»

You looked up and looked bad Jake "I’m working. It’s for the vlog and the book review of the month"

«Sure, sure. I work hard, I guess. That "pressing her against the wall with intensity" is pure literary analysis, isn’t it?»

"Did you spy again?" You felt your cheeks warm up and your hands on the cup became stronger and stronger because you were slightly angry with Jake, he raised his hands in surrender, but without losing his smile «No, no! You read aloud. And anyway, you should be careful with scenes that are so... engaging. You might inspire someone to emulate them.»

You looked at him exasperated but above all embarrassed " Stay away from my books. And my private life, Jake.

Jake came up with a playful look, lowering his voice and putting his head against your shoulder as you were turned around to not show how embarrassed I was but also to put sugar in your tea «I promise nothing, SpicyGirl. You know, you might be more interesting than I thought... especially if you keep giving me ideas like this...creative.»

The atmosphere in the Humanities department was lively as never before. In the corridors, students and teachers discussed the literary phenomenon of the moment: The masked devil. Some professors complained indignantly, calling the book an "insult to trees sacrificed in vain". Others, on the other hand, defended it enthusiastically, claiming that finally the general public could "explore the nuances of human desire".

You were in the middle of this chaos. You heard some of your friends talk about the book with excitement as Heeseung’s girlfriend, while others dismissed it as "pornography disguised for a sex-obsessed audience.

You didn’t want to look like a goody-two-shoes woman because you weren’t, you had also had half-adventures with some guys but you never tried certain things on the other hand, you didn’t want to rediscover as one who was excited only by reading a book and that you would want to redo all the scenes like a lot of girls but also boys wanted to do them with their partners

Lily: Y/n, when is your review coming out? I want to know what you think!

Sunaa: I read the book and I bet you’ll hate it. It’s too "spicy" for you.

Instagram follower (DM): "Y/n, please tell me you love the masked Devil! 😍 I want to know everything about that book and what you think, I bet you’ll like the second book too!"

The pressure was growing. Your agency had also sent several messages, pressing for a quick release of the video. You felt choked: if you said that you liked the book, some of your followers would judge you badly; if you criticized it, you would lose credibility with your audience. Why did you start reviewing books? you loved reading but this seemed so strained...

You were walking back and forth, biting your fingernail and clenching the book. Jake was in his room playing play. You heard the classic sounds of the joystick and the game in the background and some chuckle: he was probably talking to his friends Heeseung, Jay, and Sunghoon.

You take a deep breath and you know it was a bad idea, but you head to Jake’s room. Knocking quietly, almost hoping he can’t hear you but after a few seconds you hear Jake yelling «Come in».

You slowly opened the door and found him: lying in bed with a sweatshirt almost untied where you could see his toned body, pants of the suit, slightly wet hair because he had just taken a shower, with the nerd glasses intent on throwing some squints with a smile that lit up the whole room while maneuvering the joystick.

She leaned against the back of the bed «Y/n, my favorite roommate. What can I do for you?»

"I need... a favor," you said timidly

«I’m all ears, tell me what you need, Spicygirl.»

"The favor would be...this book." You showed him the book you had in your hand and Jake made a mischievous little sissy

«Oh, that book. Finally, you’re here to admit that you liked it?» You saw him pull himself up from the bed and sit down while he waved to you, sitting on the edge of the bed, and you went slightly embarrassed to sit down, always keeping a distance from him.

"That’s not the point. I need... help to figure something out."

Jake looked at you with a clever smile «I’m all ears.»

"The... you know, the... the "spicy ones." I wonder if... if they’re realistic or not."

God, you were so embarrassed to look at him that you looked at the floor

Jake almost choked on laughter as he heard what you just said «Wait, wait. Do you want me, your lovely roommate, to help you find out if the scenes in that book are replicable?»

"Yes. It’s business, Jake. My followers are expecting an authentic review and i would like to see if those attitudes or scenes can be recreated, some of my friends have recreated them with their boyfriends" you said whispering but Jake had heard you carefully

«So you want to do... field research with me? in plain words would you like to recreate it with me spicy scenes?»

"Don’t say that! You make me sound weird. I don’t have so many male friends, most of them are engaged or I know, I don’t have all this confidence instead you and I have lived together for almost a year and under I trust you, Jake"

Jake’s heart lost some beats when he felt that underneath you trusted him and with his usual golden retriever expression raised his hands in surrender and smiled at you «Ok, okay. Sorry. So, what are you thinking? A particular scene?»

"Maybe the one about kissing against the wall that you heard or stared at the other day" Jake laughed and got up from bed and you did the same thing. Jake approaches slowly, the smile becomes sweeter but with a spark of mischief in his eyes.

«Do you want to recreate the whole scene or what do I know only while I push you against the wall and then give you a little kiss?»

"I think... I think I want to recreate the whole scene"

«Perfect. For the sake of science, let’s see if we can replicate the magic.»

He comes even closer, putting a hand gently on your shoulder.

«Are you sure you can handle me, Y/n? You know maybe you could find out that I’m better than that guy with the devil mask»

"I want to find out," Jake, you said looking him in the eye

Jake laughs, surprised by your answer, and stops for a moment.

«Mmm Y/n, you are more brave than I thought.»

"Please Jake, don’t laugh ok, we have to be professional"

«Laughing? Y/n, this is the most exciting moment of like Weekend!.»

Jake slowly approaches, putting his hand on the wall next to your head, and slightly pushes you with his body against his wall studded with posters of videogames and artists he loved. His breath is mixed with yours, and for a moment no one speaks. Then, with a gentle but decisive movement, it leans slightly at the level of your neck and begins to leave you small skin-hugging kisses above the lobe of your ear, At the neck up to go near your slightly noticeable shoulder blades thanks to the top cardigan you wore. You felt one of his big hands slightly clench a side to get even closer to him and when he heard that you were relaxing he started to torture the part of your neck leaving some kisses but at the same time left some small bites and sucked slightly the part Exposed of your neck gently. It was not rushed or exaggerated, but there was a controlled passion, almost as if Jake himself trying to interpret the scene of the book perfectly.

Little moans leave your lips shaking as Jack kept leaving a trail of light-feathery kisses along your neck and at the same time sucking and biting you slightly «God you have a delicious scent,spicygirl»

You detached yourself slightly from him and had no problem getting close to him and catching your lips with his. You were curious to hear how it was to have his soft lips around you, you felt Jake smile in the kiss when you started to return. It makes you feel bad but at the same time, it makes you feel good. And all this was supposed to be for science only, right?

Jake sticks his tongue in your mouth, eager to explore every crack as he had wanted to do for a while, ever since he first saw you walk into the apartment where you were supposed to live together.

The kiss was absolutely perfect and after a while, you broke off and there before you was Jake smiling at you and bringing a small lock of hair around your ear, it was too nice to be true with his hair ruffled, Lips slightly swollen from the kiss, and cheeks flushed.

«Here. Some scenes can be replicated without effort,» he said with a swaggering smile and strayed slightly away from you

"Yes, you’re right," You said looking at him as he lay down in his bed again

«If you need extra help for the sequel or other chapters, you know where to find me, spicygirl!»

You were sitting in your video corner, with the book in your hands. The camera is on, and the smile you show is the professional one of always, but there’s a streetlight of uncertainty in your eyes. The soft lighting of the set makes the atmosphere cozy.

"Hi everyone, here i’m with the review of the "Masked Devil".

The chat is immediately filled with comments from waiting followers, some asking for the most spicy details others are curious if you liked it or not.

"It’s a book... intense, I would say. Very passionate, with scenes that will certainly not leave indifferent and with much tension between the two protagonists.

You avoid going into details and it’s strange because your reviews are always so exhaustive, just describing the plot and your appreciation for the characters. But you never say what struck you the most.

Follower 1: "Y/n tell us the truth, did you like the Devil with the red mask?!"

Follower 2: "Don’t be vague, we want to know the hot scenes, which ones you liked the most, and which ones you would like to replicate in the future with your partner!"

You laugh nervously when you read the hundreds of comments you were getting "Girls, let’s just say that the red-masked Devil knows how to get attention, okay? I can’t say more, but I recommend you to read it if you are curious and you can also tell me what you liked"

The video ends with you smiling, but you know that you have not fully met your audience’s expectations. However, the vlog makes a boom of views: comments are divided between those who adore you for your class also because not all your audience is over age and those who criticize you for being too vague.

You wake up the next morning with the continuous sound of notifications on your phone. Blinking, you reach out and grab your phone. The screen is full of comments on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube.

Follower 1: "Y/n, the review was nice, but we want to know about SECOND BOOK! 😍

You sighed, with a hand in your messy hair.

You would go through the DM until you find a voice message from T/n, Heeseung’s girlfriend.

T/N (voice message): "Y/n, I saw your vlog! You were too shy, girl. I already read the second book, and trust me, it’s EVEN better. Certain scenes... wow. I’m just telling you that i and Heeseung tried the one on the kitchen table was so exciting😏"

You dropped your phone on the bed and the cheeks immediately inflamed.

You laughed a moment when you read that T/n message "On the kitchen table?! But they’re crazy!"

You can’t stop thinking about the fact that you and Jake only had a duplicate kiss, yet the effect on you was... devastating. The situation was definitely getting out of hand.

Jake was sitting on the couch, fiddling with not much belief on the phone. He had spent the whole afternoon trying to ignore that review video you had made, which kept walking around campus. " Be more yourself", "Y/n you have to tell us which parts you would like to replicate with your partner", "Y/n, in the second book you have to be more exhaustive because it is even hotter and we want to know what scenes you liked and didn’t." The comments were all like that, and Jake was wondering what it meant. She was already perfect as she was, damn it.

He was about to put the phone away when he heard footsteps on the floor and when he looked up what he saw left him breathless.

«What the hell»

You were standing there, by the door of the apartment. You wore a dress that looked sewn on you, a gift from some brand that wanted to exploit your image as a micro-influencer. The soft fabric embraced every curve, with a hint of a neckline that suggested more than it showed, while the side slit revealed an unexpected boldness. The hair was arranged in light waves, the makeup just mentioned, but enough to make you look even more luminous.

Jake swallowed, feeling his heart fail. Damn... he’s trying to kill me.

You stopped surprised by his reaction. It wasn’t the first time he saw you in a dress and you sunk at him with an innocent smile, but also a little amused.

"What? Don’t you like the dress?"

Jake got up from the couch, his hand in his hair, visibly agitated. His gaze glided over you, scanning you from head to toe. You were gorgeous, perfect, and... too provocative to go out like that, at least according to him.

«Y/n, can’t... I mean, do you really think you’re going out like this? This little dress doesn’t even cover your thighs completely, not to mention your bare back» he said with tight teeth, trying to keep calm

"Why not? It’s a dress given by the brand that sponsors the event. Must wear it, Jake and then at these events are all dressed in dresses like this"

Jake approached you, with a look that oscillated between frustrated and possessive.

Jake said in a low, rock-like voice, I’m not saying you’re not beautiful, because you are. Too beautiful. That’s the problem. I don’t want others to look at you as I am looking at you now.» You looked at him, surprised by his words. You didn’t expect such a strong reaction from him and you felt his cheeks blush, but you tried to stay calm.

"Jake, you’re impossible. And anyway, it’s not like everyone is looking at me."

Jake stepped forward, narrowing the distance between them. His smile grew more cheeky.

Oh, baby, they will. Trust my words but remember one thing Y/n,... Whoever is watching you tonight, I’m the only one who knows what it’s like to kiss you, and who could be better than that masked devil.»

You stared at him, eyes wide open and the heart beating wildly. You did not answer but Jake noticed the slight flickering of your lips and with a grin he walked away from you or else he was convinced that he would take you and lock you in his room and leaned back to the sofa, taking a deep breath.

«Go, go. Have fun. But not too much, eh?»

You shook your head, trying to ignore the heat that had taken hold of you. I took my bag, taking a last look at Jake before leaving.

"Don’t worry, golden retriever. I’ll be back safe." You said slightly laughing

Jake watched you disappear through the door with your heart still beating wildly. Golden retriever? He thought to himself, if he would find out what his sick mint was thinking about you with that succinct little dress you wouldn’t call him much Golden Retriever but something darker than maybe only in the books was described. But within him, his darker and more possessive side whispered: Safe and sound, yes. But you’re still mine and sooner or later your body will be mine.

Jake lay on the couch, PlayStation controller in his hands. He had just finished a game session with the boys, but instead of feeling tired, he was more agitated than ever. Every time he looked down at his phone, he hoped to see a notification: a message, a photo, something but nothing. He saw that you had posted stories while dancing with other girls while drinking a drink, and the photo of the place where you could see all Seoul.

His brain was a mixture of images: You in that breathtaking dress, your soft hair moving when you laughed, and that cheeky confidence he carried with him... mixed with his usual shyness. It was a dangerous cocktail that made him crazy.

To distract himself, Jake opened TikTok. He was streaming video to video, but his algorithm seemed to decide to torture him with clips of girls reviewing spicy books.

"If you loved the first book in this series, wait until you read the second. It’s even more spicy and intense."

Jake got stuck.

"Wait a minute..."

He rose from the couch, walking slowly towards the bookcase. There, tucked between a book and some university textbooks, was the second volume of that cursed saga. He took it in hand, studying the cover with a raised eyebrow.

"More intense than the first, huh? As if Y/n hadn’t already gone into tilt with that."

She couldn’t resist. She sat down at the kitchen table, opening the book in the chapter where the girl who had made the tik tok suggested a scene to how spicy. It was enough to read a few paragraphs to make him lift his eyes, almost incredulous.

"What the hell... this second masked devil doesn’t joke, he’s even more deranged and perverted than the first?"

Each page he browsed was more explicit than the previous one. Scenes of seduction, desire, and dialogue that seemed written to make anyone blush. Jake found himself biting the inside of his cheek, imagining Y/n reading these things.

He ran his hand through his hair, letting herself go against the back of the chair.

"And I thought the first one was too much for her. This will blow up."

But then, a new idea came into his head. Maybe... maybe Y/n would need help to deal with it. He had already had difficulties with the first one, even asking him to replicate some scenes to better understand. With the second book, the situation would be more intense.

A slow smile formed on his lips.

"I think your golden retriever is still available, Y/n."

He decided to close the book before letting go of too many dangerous thoughts. He put it back in its place, but could not shake the images that the words had evoked. God, there were scenes where he made his beloved feel good by fucking her with his fingers in a pool, against the wall of a theater that was not banned he was fucking or there was also a scene of two boys and a girl, who had definitely closed the book and started laughing.

When the clock was at one o'clock, Jake was still awake. He had read a couple of physics chapters to distract herself, then spent another ten minutes watching TikTok tutorials for a new skincare routine. But every now and then his thoughts would go back there, to Y/n, to the book, and to the night they shared that kiss.

Heard the apartment door open. Jake stood up and dropped his physics book on the table. His heart was beating fast you had no idea how long he’d stayed awake just to make sure I’d come back safe.

And above all... to understand how the hell he would deal with that cursed book.

You looked at him surprised when you saw Jake in his pajamas and his nerd glasses and there was a book of physics on the couch. "Are you still awake?"

Jake didn’t answer immediately. He came up to you without even thinking about it and hugged you. His arms closed around you in an instinctive gesture as if he wanted to make sure that you were really there, safe and sound; and that no boy had touched you. You stiffened for a moment, surprised by that gesture but then you released against his comfortable chest and Jake inspired your delicious scent of cherry and vanilla that every time he felt it went crazy. But just when the hug could become sweet and reassuring, his most possessive and provocative part came out. He looked away slightly, looking down at you with his eyebrow raised and a small grin that had formed on his lips.

«So? How was the evening?»

"It was a fantastic evening" I replied by sitting next to him. Crossing their legs and setting the hem of the dress aware of Jake’s gaze. "There were so many people! And I met the writer of "The Masked Devil". He even told me that he saw some of my reviews and in particular the one I put on his book a few days ago."

Jake tilted his head and looked at you. «What do you think? Does she like them?»

"Yes, she liked it. But..." you nibbled on your lip. "She said I should be more specific. You know, especially in the scenes... those more... spicy scenes. Now even the little girls are curious to know what it’s like to have experiences like this with boys and some scenes can be recreated as we did with the kiss that we gave each other..."

Jake smiled when he heard you talking about the kiss as you had enjoyed it too and surely thought of it much more than you should think.

«Have you already started the second book of the saga?»

You’re just getting stiff. "Yes... but I’m only at the beginning," you said avoiding your gaze.

«Oh yes?» Jake raised an eyebrow. «And where did you stop? By chance...» He paused dramatically, giving a sneering smile. «Did you stop at the scene where the Masked Devil makes his beloved feel good with his fingers? His fingers moved slowly, precisely, touching every nerve as if he knew my body better than I did. But after a while, he put another finger inside me and started pumping and cumming them and at that moment I lost my head. I don’t remember the words very well but in practice was that the scene true, Y/n?»

You looked at him shocked and your cheeks became even redder. "Jake! You... did you read where I stopped?" Your voice was a mixture of embarrassment and disbelief. "I told you not to touch my things!"

«I couldn’t resist» he admitted, laughing. «And then, admit it is an interesting scene.» He approached your body, his smile became more mischievous. «Would you... replicate it with me?»

You hit him again on the arm, but this time with more force. " You’re so perverted Jake, it’s not because we kissed now you want to replicate all those scenes"

Jake laughed, the sound deep and sincere. «Come on, I was joking!» Then he bowed his head, staring at you with a look that had a shadow of seriousness. «But if I wanted...I would be there.»

Jake got up and went to his room to start getting ready for bed with a little grin. Your heart was beating fast, and the room suddenly seemed smaller and you finally went to your room as well as your refuge but the writer’s words kept echoing in your head. "A girl like you should be more thorough. Maybe... try things too, to really understand how to tell them."

It was a tip that made you blush to the ears. You, try those things? You weren’t that kind of girl. You were shy but at the same time extroverted with people you knew and preferred to explore the world through book pages, not replicate scenes. Yet... Jake had shown you that some things weren’t so impossible.

You sat on the bed, staring at the floor. "Is it feasible? Can I do that?" You asked biting your lower lip. In the end, you sighed If you had to choose someone to try with, Jake was the perfect person. He was spontaneous and playful, and his protective side the golden retriever always made you feel comfortable, even when he acted slightly perverted or when he replied with double-sided answers.

While you were thinking, you heard the sound of water flowing from the bathroom. You got up without even thinking about it, still in the short dress you had worn for the event, and opened the bathroom door.

Jake was there, as every night, brushing his teeth. Bare-chested, low-waisted pajamas, and that air of not knowing how attractive he was. When he saw you coming in, he raised an eyebrow, the toothpaste popping out of his mouth in a funny smile.

«Hey,» he muttered, his voice slightly kneaded as he spoke with the toothbrush in his mouth. «What are you doing here? Do you need a mirror?»

You crossed your arms trying to mask the nervousness. "No, I just... wanted to talk about something."

Jake flushed his mouth and wiped himself with a towel, then turned to you with a disarming smile. «Talk? To me? At this time? It must be important.»

You avoided his gaze, staring at the sink. "I was thinking... of the book. The second book of The Masked Devil. "

Jake leaned on the furniture, crossing his arms over his chest. «Ah yes? The scene of the fingers, right?» he asked, in a mischievous tone.

You looked up, blinking him with your eyes. "Jake, stop."

Jake stared at you, the smile slowly spreading as the meaning of his words became clear to him. «Oh, I understand.» He stepped towards you, his eyes twinkling with fun mixed with something deeper. «Would you... repeat that scene with me?»

"I just want to see if... it’s feasible. Like in the book."

Jake came closer again, his body so close to yours that you could feel the warmth of his skin. «And what part of the book do you want to replicate exactly?»

He asked, his voice becoming lower, almost a whisper. «The one where he makes her crazy with his fingers?»

Swallow with your heart pounding in her chest. "I don’t know," you replied, trying to keep my voice still. " It depends... on you, would you be willing or not?."

Jake tilted his head, looking at you with an enigmatic smile. Then he raised a hand and gently placed it on your side, sliding his thumb along the edge of the dress. «I am always available for you,Y/n» he said, the tone was playful but with a shadow of seriousness. «You must tell me. I won’t do anything you don’t want and if you feel uncomfortable just tell me and I’ll stop.»

"Thank you, Jake. Can we read it together for a moment and then replicate it?" Jake nodded yes and you went to your room and sat down, you with the book in hand and Jake beside you reading things under his voice did the devil masked with his girlfriend.

«Lie down Y/n, legs slightly on the edge of the bed.» You sat down as Jake suggested and felt his big venous hands between your hips pulling you slightly between the edge of the bed and gently but also slightly with possession Jake pushed up your dress lightly around your hips until he saw Your black thong and innately thoughts invaded his head. «You know that this is not a real game for me, Y/n?» Said yes with my head knelt slightly looked at the thong and said something you would not have imagined that sweet Golden Retriever nerd version had told you.

«Who would have thought that the good girl who does vlogger wear a thong also to go to an event of only influencers? Don’t tell me you’re a good girl because to my mind you seem a little slut who absolutely wants my attention and who asks shyly to be able to recreate some dirty scenes that you read in those books but now you’ll get it»

You heard Jake give you little kisses where there was that little layer of cloth and for you, it was a real torture because his hands were around your knees and he didn’t move them at all to put them in your already slightly wet pussy.

"Jake, please" Jake laughed at your insolence, where was the shy girl who filmed funny vlogs or who got embarrassed while reading those spicy parts in the book?

A hand of his slowly began to rise up to your thigh and his mouth started giving you small kisses around your buttocks, he bit slightly on your thighs to feel your sighs become more and more needy.

«Use your mouth to tell me what to do, baby, if you don’t tell me what to do I’ll stand there all night driving you crazy. You read what the masked devil was doing to his girlfriend a few minutes ago so, speak, Y/n» You took his defiant look and raised your eyes, slightly pulled your hair, and said: "Touch me please" Jake laughed because he wanted to ruin you.

«You have to be more specific»

"Oh my god, stop doing that to me. Touch me where you kissed me before you started torturing my buttocks" Jake was literally testing you and loved to see that underneath you were definitely a good girl because you didn’t want to say the word "pussy". When he pulled down your thong your clitoris was already wet and slightly slimy, Jake hisses in appreciation of the sight of your pussy, and let out a moan of pleasure in seeing you so needy of him, slipped a finger between your vaginal lips to surround your clitoris. «Holy shit, you’re so wet» You pulled your hair again, and with a smile without warning put another finger get into that tight pussy.

«You look so needy of me that you don’t seem a good girl» Put two big fingers in your pussy at once, up to the knuckle, and moan his name, "Jakey is too much" You heard his laugh and began to pump until you were accustomed to the length of his fingers inside you and as in the book that you had read before he put the third finger inside you and while pumping at the same time he bent and curled his fingers to make you feel All three of them. You were seriously ecstatic by the sensations you felt, the groans that came out of your lips, and while Jake looked at you so lost and excited for him with another finger she started to tease your clitoris and pinch it slightly to make you come only thanks to him.

"Jake, I’m coming" You felt his fingers pumping even harder and at the same time an adrenaline rush invaded you and white sticky, and slimy sperm invaded your pussy and Jake’s fingers, you tried to stand up slightly, But you felt Jake give you some light pussy licks and he took a finger close to his mouth and sucked it.

«Well, I can say that I have fulfilled your forbidden dream and that perhaps the things represented in those books can be really realized.»

Jake returns from a long day at the university. The living room light is off, but he notices your bedroom door closed. He knows you’re home because your shoes are by the entrance, but he hasn’t seen you for more than a few minutes or talked to you in days. He lets himself fall on the sofa with a sigh, passing his hand through his messy hair.

«What the hell did I do?»

Think back to that scene on the bed, his hand that drew circles on your skin, and when you moaned his name. At that moment he had found you relaxed, even comfortable with him. But now? Now you were avoiding all interaction with him. The idea that you might feel uncomfortable or, worse, disgusted with him haunted him.

You were lying on the bed, phone in hand looking for distractions between your friends' messages and your followers' comments. But Jake’s thought keeps coming back. Every time you close your eyes, you still feel the warmth of his hands and hate yourself for letting it happen. Not because you didn’t like it - in fact, it’s the opposite. You liked it so much that it was days before you fell asleep you remembered in your mind the kisses and how good they made you feel.

"Ugh, you’re pathetic."

You turn to your side, staring at the book still on its bedside table. That book has kindled something in you, but now you can’t even look at it without thinking about Jake and how the line between you two has faded too fast.

You were with some friends at the bar of the faculty and with the girlfriend of Heeseung and does not miss the opportunity to tease you.

T/N << Oh, you’ve already finished reading the second book? Or are you too busy "experimenting" with your roommate? >>

You choked on his coffee, blushing violently.

"Nothing like that happens!"

<< Sure, sure. It’s just that Jake doesn’t seem to be the type to quit easily. And honestly? He looks at you as if you were his favorite snack and we can also admit it is really sexy but at the same time has that sweet face that would make any girl crazy. >>

The other girls laugh, but you can’t get it out of your head. Maybe T/N was right. Maybe Jake didn’t touch you just for fun or curiosity. And maybe, your problem was that you didn’t mind the idea.

You came back late hoping to find Jake already in bed but instead, he was sitting at the kitchen table with an open physics book and a cup of tea next to it. When he saw you, he stood up immediately but did not approach.

«Hey,» you looked at him for a moment smiled at him, and then sat down on the sofa without answering. Jake moved slowly, sitting in the chair opposite her.

«Can we talk? you’ve been avoiding me for days and I miss spending time with you even just to have a cup of tea» he said looking at you like a puppy

"There’s nothing to say, Jake. I miss spending time with you too but" didn’t stop you talking as he came closer to you.

«Yes, it is. Y/n, if you want me to step aside or... find somewhere else to stay I can go to Jay or Sunghoon, I understand. But please don’t ignore me like that. You’re driving me crazy.»

You looked at him, surprised by his frustration. There was sincerity in his eyes, and the knot in his throat loosened a little when he heard you speak.

"I don’t want you to leave." Jake relaxes slightly, leaning on the back.

«Okay, then help me figure out how not to ruin everything with you?»

You laid your hand and stirred his slightly long tuft and smiled at him.

"You never ruined anything, Jake" and you hugged him timidly feeling your heart beat.

After that argument with Jake things seemed to be "normal" between you two. You were sitting on the couch with your laptop on your knees, pretending to be working on a new video for your channel. In fact, your ears were tuned to the noise coming from Jake’s room where he was getting ready to go out and when he did, your heart skipped a beat.

Jake wears a black shirt with slightly swaggy sleeves and jeans that fit him perfectly. The hair is in a studied disorder, and the perfume he put on seems to fill the whole apartment. When he sees you, he leans nonchalantly against the wall and smiles in a cheeky way.

«What do you think? I’m presentable enough to get the attention of some girls?»

You looked at him for a moment, trying to look indifferent, but you felt a squeeze in your chest. It’s too good. Too much. And the idea of other girls touching him makes your blood boil.

"You will definitely impress someone. I would say too much."

Jake raises an eyebrow, amused by your tone, and approaches the couch. He bends slightly, looking straight into your eyes.

«Jealous, Spicy Girl?»

"Jealous? Of you? Pff".

«Oh, so you don’t care if someone tries to kiss me tonight?»

You’re a little stiff, and Jake doesn’t miss the slightest change in your expression. He enjoys too much to see how badly you hide him.

"You do what you want, it’s your life. I bet you’ll get in trouble and call me."

«Ah, so you think of me when I go out with my friends. Interesting.»

You stare at him with defiance, but inside you, there is a storm. Every fiber of your being wants to tell you to stay, but your rational mind blocks you. Jake comes even closer, lowering himself to your ear with his low, warm voice.

«For the record, there will be no one like you this evening. You know, in case you were wondering.»

You feel the heat rising to your face, but it refuses to give way.

"Go, Jake. I’m sure your "friends" are waiting for you, you don’t want to be late". You said coldly

Jake retracts, but the cheeky smile remains on his lips. He puts on his jacket and heads for the door, taking one last look at you.

«Try not to think too much about me, okay?»

And with a quick nod, he leaves the apartment, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You let yourself fall on the couch, your heart beating fast and a mix of anger and... something that you don’t even want to admit to yourself.

After a few minutes, you were seriously angry with yourself and so you wrote to Heeseung’s girlfriend if she wanted to surprise him and presented you at the place where they had gone then about an hour later you entered Armleaved with T/N, in a black cocktail dress, Elegant but with a touch of sensuality that makes you feel confident. You have carefully chosen your accessories and your hair is smooth and frames your face, with a loving smile you approach the group of Heeseung and Jungwon, who welcome you warmly, Complimenting you on your outfit but your eyes are fixed on Jake who is talking to a girl and seconds later as if he felt someone was looking at him, Jake turns slightly and sees you laughing with Heeseung and Jungwon’s girlfriends but his eyes were glued to your body.

«Fuck. What the hell is she doing here, dressed like that? It’s not possible. It didn’t have to be so... all show. Those clothes that show more than they should» he thinks to himself, Jake stands up sharply, interrupts the conversation with the girl, and walks firmly towards you. He doesn’t greet you like a normal friend, not even as a normal roommate. There’s something different about his attitude. He is not only curious or worried. He is angry and possessive.

You turn around, smiling as he approaches, but when you see him closer, your smile shakes a little. Jake is about to say something, but he stops for a moment, looking at you once more. His breath is heavier, and his eyes stare intensely at your body as if he wanted to possess you with the look.

«So, this is your game, huh? Let everyone around you see... Wearing (gesturing with the finger in the direction of his dress) this piece of cloth?» you were slightly surprised but a small smile made its way into your mouth.

"Jake, what’s the matter with you? I was bored at home and I wrote to T/N if he wanted to come with me to this club where his boyfriend was also there. I’m alone with the guys, you don’t have to be so..."

«It’s not them I’m talking about, Y/n. It’s you. You didn’t have to be so pretty and show yourself like that.» Jake ran his hands through his hair and even his tongue passed between his lips slightly cracked from the cold. You smiled and went to T/N’s to talk and after a while, with the careful look of Jake and Heeseung you were down on the dance floor Jake never left you with his eyes and after 10 minutes he was tired of this situation and came up to you and took you slightly by the hips and whispered. «Want to get some fresh air, Spicy Girl? The place is getting too crowded for you.»

You knew it was an excuse to take you out of the club and I said no with my head but he took your pulse slightly and started walking towards the exit

"Jake, what... what are you doing?"

He looked at you with a bold and dangerous smile, making a gesture towards the door. «You’re too perfect to be here. I want to take you home. I see how they look at you, how they want you. But you are not made for them. You are made for me. And now, come with me.»

Jake does not wait for an answer. He grabs you with delicacy, but with the force that leaves no doubt. At that moment, his mind is on fire. It is not only the physical desire that drives him but something more. A visceral need to have you all to yourself, without more interference, without more third-party players.

"Jake, but I..."

«Don’t talk, Y/n. Come with me. I want to show you something. I want to make you feel what I read. I want you to understand how much you’ve been driving me crazy for months now»

When you arrived at your apartment, you took off your shoes but after a few moments, Jake trapped you between the wall behind you and he put his hands on your hips, pulling you to himself. You felt dizzy, was it really happening?! put a finger on your chin and raise your head. He loved the expression of your red face, and your trembling lips and eyes. You were so scared, but at the same time so excited and you could see that you had just done it to make him jealous and to get his attention. Jake presses his cock against your dressed pussy, smiling as you instinctively push your hips against him and groan, noticing your reaction, Jake slowly rubs his dick against your clitoris again, and you moan in his mouth. You wrap your arms around his neck and put your hands on Jake’s muscular shoulders, your nails sticking into the skin still wearing your shirt and feel your dress pull up, Making you hiss and groan for the cold air that hit your legs and your sensitive pussy. Jake pushed his tongue past your lips, exploring your mouth at will while you rubbed gently on his jeans-clad cock.

He heard how wet you were by putting your palm between your panties and wanted to drive you crazy «Fuck, you’re even soggier than last time. Bet when I was out training or class you were touching yourself thinking of me, right, y/n» you annulet slightly and a grin took hold of Jake’s face. «Let’s see if I’m even better than that masked devil, turn around and sit between my legs, I want to make you come like in that scene where he fucks his girlfriend in front of the mirror» obey Jake’s request feeling too excited to answer. He pulls you closer to him by the hips and starts playing with your clitoris, rubbing incredibly slowly. you have leaned towards him, turning your head to hide your face in his neck, but he grabs your jaw and forces you to look at yourself in the mirror. You pushed slightly over his cock and felt how hard it was but your concentration was on Jake’s fingers around your pussy.

«Look. Look how pretty you are while I fuck you with my fingers in front of the mirror, who knows later how it will be to see you not only in front of me but also thanks to the mirror reflection take my dick as a good girl» lowers your panties and looks through the mirror while Jake spreads your wet folds, showing you your swollen clitoris and tight hole. " Jake, pls" was embarrassing to see, so you tried to close your legs, but Jake was quick to use his other hand, forcing you to open your legs again.

Jake shoves two knuckles into your pussy and starts pumping in and out of you at a steady pace, you’ve never felt anything like this before, No one had ever shown you how excited I could be and was full of emotions, especially in front of a mirror where you saw all excited and Jake’s fingers pumping at an incensing rhythm; It was both too good and too overwhelming, but you couldn’t ask Jake to stop even if you were terribly embarrassed to see you like that, not when you were feeling so high at the time.

«Holy shit people are right to say that those dirty sex scenes can be replicated, Y/n after this session you can tell everyone how excited you were but the problem is that these things you can do only with me and with no one else» pressed her thumb against your clitoris, surrounding it. Your back bowed as you tried with all your strength not to moan loudly "Jakie, pls is too nice" Jake pushes his fingers deeper inside you and hits a specific point, Start moving your fingers faster but keep hitting that spot you love so much. He made you crazy and as he fills you with his fingers feel his cock rubbing more and more against your ass and feel how Jake was holding back so that it didn’t explode immediately. Use your other hand to massage your clitoris at a much, much more violent pace than last time. You moan her name, louder than ever until you hear your clitoris pulsate. The sight of you two being lost like that in front of the mirror made your head spin. He pulled you incredibly closer to him, kissing you along the neck as both his hands worked on your pussy: One touched you and the other abused your clitoris until you came Jake put his hands to his mouth and started sucking it and the reflection you saw was so perverse, you completely out of your mind, Jake with the ruffled hair, His lips full, his fingers full of slimy cum, he who carried his fingers to taste your sperm and after a while brought a finger around your lips and licked your own semen.

Jake made you relax a little bit but after a while, he felt his cock too hard push against his jeans, turned you around and his lips never left your skin for even a moment, sweet noises of kisses rang in your ears. You get a thousand chills when you feel Jake lower the straps of your dress and you’re dead skin until it reached your breast and started with one hand to tease him and gently squeeze him instead of the other sucking your already terribly hard nipples. " Jake, I need you. I don’t care at all to recreate those scenes, I just want you right now" Jake growled in a low voice when he heard this confession from you and slightly pushed his hips to get his jeans and at the same time his boxer shorts, you were sitting between his legs and his hard cock was banging lightly against his V-line, it was big, a little red and full of liquid and you licked your lips at the sight of him so vulnerable but at the same time excited thanks to you.

«Do you trust me, Y/n?» you said yes with your head, he pumped some of his cock, the muscles of his arm swelled up with every movement and you were enchanted to see his big hands veined around his dick.

When it entered inside you a loud cry came out of your mouth, tears stung your eyes as you felt tense only by its tip that slid in. " God is so big, Jake. put your hands on me his hips I want to hear you all" Exhalaste, the eyes that lowered to check, Jake put his big hands on your hips. You were panicked, the head that turned when you saw how much length he still had left. Jake whimpered at your narrow walls that swallow him so well and when he brought you closer to him, you felt all his cock inside of you and it was a wonderful feeling You got up slowly and after a while, you started riding it with the same succinct dress that you had put on to make it go away, Your breast flashed slightly to every push that you took the cock of Jake and with one hand held you by the back and with the other he clutched a breast and with the mouth sucked your nipple. You felt every inch of him, the way he pulsed, the way he grew incredibly bigger each time your walls were tightened, the way he effortlessly hit all your sensitive points: you could feel everything about him. Your head began to spin, whining for the pleasure that was beginning to overwhelm you.

"Jakey" whimpered, leaving little suckers in his neck. he hummed in response, shivering every time your walls were tightened on him. "Faster, give me faster." He panicked, Jake, his body stiff as he stared at your dazed expression. He pushed his hips and his dick even more deep inside you Whatever you want, baby, you’re taking it like a good girl. Turn your head and look at you riding my dick» You were slightly still a little embarrassed by the situation but when you turned I saw you so overwhelmed with Jake’s cock pumping inside of you while you rode it like in the scene of the book.

You shivered, whining as deep as it was coming. You could hear the thick head of his cock knocking on your deeper walls, stomach almost swollen from the pressure. " Jake please", you whiny, "it’s too much for me."

«You’ll come for me, y/n? do it, baby. let me see... let me see how good you are to me as you come around my dick.» Jake was dizzy, his eyes were focused on the way your face writhed nicely or the way your boobs bounced off each push, or the way your hair fell on your face, He had imagined this scene a lot of times when he read by chance that scene in the second book.

«Fuck», sighed Jake, the shivers passed through his body. could feel your walls writhing and huddling around him, munching his cock greedily. He kissed your neck, «just a little more, okay?»

Before you could ask him what he meant, his hips had already started moving, setting a brutal rhythm from the beginning without letting you rest. " Fuck! Fuck, Jake!" you sobbed, trembling sensibly.

In the midst of the brutal rhythm, you could feel Jake’s cock pulsating deep inside you, signaling his own orgasm. you screamed, leaving more scratches on his chest, trembling when you felt his sperm cover your walls. Jake stayed inside you for a while and when he pulled out the white sperm dripped all over your walls, hugged you to himself and gave you small kisses on the forehead and in the slightly sweaty hair, He felt how your heart was beating fast and so did he.

Morning light filtered gently through the curtains, creating soft reflections on the room. You woke up slowly, with your body still wrapped in Jake’s warm embrace, he was beautiful with his hair ruffled, lips slightly open and his arms clinging to his chest, he was like a big adorable puppy... an incredibly sexy puppy. You moved slightly towards him and, without thinking too much, you put your lips gently into his. Your mouth sought his in a gesture of affection that you did not know exactly how to explain, but that seemed to come from the bottom of your heart. You tried to move slowly, but Jake made a small roar and pulled you even closer, holding you as if you were his favourite pillow.

«Don’t go anywhere... you’re too comfortable.»

Laugh, have fun. It was amazing how he could be so irresistibly tender even when he was awake. You caressed his hair gently, as he sank his face into the curve of his neck.

"Jake, you’re like a giant koala. How can I move if you hold me like this?"

Jake finally opened an eye, looking at you with a sleepy smile but a cunning smile

«You can’t. That’s the plan. I’ll keep you here forever!»

I hope you like it:) I had a lot of fun writing this one-shot about Jake. I think he is one of the easiest members to write stories with for his character that comes out through the en-o-clock or various videos about him.

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zenithsturniolo · 1 month ago

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SCREAM, BITCH - ghostface!chris x blogger!reader

♬ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ series intro | 1 |

chapter one: user 187 is now following you

this chapter will contain.. stalking, online surveillance, obsessive behavior, mentions of murder, themes of isolation, and strong language. wc: 1.2k series summary: a dark, twisted slowburn where obsession bleeds into desire. you're a true crime blogger. chris is the masked stranger recreating your cases. dual povs, filthy tension, and cliffhangers sharp enough to scar. it’s not just stalking - it’s seduction. not just fear - it’s fascination. you wanted a story. he wanted you. now you’re both in far too deep.

♯ reader pov

who's watching? tell me, who's watching? who's watching me?

you don’t notice him right away. not because he’s unnoticeable — no, he’s anything but. it’s more that he’s familiar. a fixture, like the bittersweet cling of espresso on your tongue or the soft whir of the café's ancient ceiling fan. he’s threaded into your mornings so seamlessly, you’ve stopped questioning it.

he’s already there when you unlock the front door, hunched against the glass, hoodie up, airpods in. the early fog curls around him, softening the hard edges of his frame, but it doesn’t touch him. he looks carved from it. unbothered. waiting.

you flash a tired smile out of habit, and he returns it with one of his own — lazy, boyish, like he’s never harbored a dark thought in his life.

“you opening up just for me?”

his voice is syrupy — thick, golden, a little dangerous if you listen too long. smooth enough to catch you off guard, but not sharp enough to bleed.

you roll your eyes, the keys jingling in your hand. “you know the drill. get in, sit down, and don’t judge my playlist.”

he always judges. it’s practically ritual. you’ll press play on some haunting Lana Del Rey ballad or a chaotic collision of true crime podcasts and r&b, and he’ll shoot you a mock-offended look over the rim of his drink.

his name’s chris.

you call him “mr. pepsi” because his drink orders sound like a dare — cold brew with four espresso shots and a splash of vanilla. a concoction for someone who seems half-fueled by caffeine, half-fueled by some darker current.

but he’s kind. attentive in a way that feels deliberate. always tipping more than he should. always asking about your blog, your writing, your life — lingering a second longer than necessary. like he’s cataloging it. and today, he’s no different.

“working on anything juicy?” he asks, balancing his drink between ringed fingers.

you shrug, wiping down the counter. “nothing you’d wanna read. it’s fucked up.”

his smile curves sharp. knowing. “i like fucked up.”

you laugh it off because it’s easier than digging into the strange way his eyes catch the light — like glass splintering under pressure. you tell him to shut up. he leaves after an hour, promising to see you later, like always.

routine. safe. familiar.

you never think twice.

—

by the time your shift drags itself to a close, your body feels splintered. your spine hums with dull, angry aches, and your feet burn with every step. the grocery bags dig into your fingers on the walk home, biting little crescents into your skin.

you kick the door open with your hip, the scent of stale coffee and city rain clinging to your jacket. your keys clatter into the ceramic dish by the door. the apartment sighs around you — quiet, save for the low hum of your laptop screen still open on the couch, casting ghostly blue light across the room.

you move on autopilot. water hissing onto the stove, bubbles snapping against the pot. you open facetime.

he answers before the first ring even finishes.

chris’s face fills the screen — messy curls, a loose tank top baring a constellation of freckles on his arms. sprawled across his bed like he’s been waiting for you.

“chef mode?” he teases, voice a low, scratchy lull.

“pasta night,” you murmur, tossing a fistful of spaghetti into the boiling water.

he grins — slow, lazy, like he’s savoring the image. “save me a bite.”

you roll your eyes but warmth blooms in your chest anyway, traitorous and soft. you like the way he talks to you, like you’re something he’s already halfway claimed.

the conversation drifts, background noise blending with the clatter of plates and the thick, comforting scent of garlic. he tells you about a podcast he binge-listened to; you talk about the blog post you’re nearly done with.

“it’s a weird one,” you say, voice dropping as you stir sauce into a simmer. “the lakewood strangler. old case. real fucked.”

“give me the quick version.”

you oblige — missing girls, same stretch of isolated trail, strangulation, peculiar signatures nobody could ever piece together. the mystery of footprints vanishing mid-path.

chris hums quietly under his breath. “you always write about killers like they’re puzzles.”

“aren’t they?” you ask, only half-joking.

he’s quiet for a beat too long before murmuring goodnight.

you don’t dwell. you plate your pasta, pour a glass of cheap red wine, and collapse onto the couch, laptop warming your thighs. your blog post blazes on the screen — paragraphs of gory fascination, cold case theories, criminal pathology.

you read it through one last time. every brutal detail. every chilling quote. every twisted breadcrumb.

then you hit publish.

it goes live at 9:37 p.m.

you don’t expect fireworks. your blog usually simmers before it sparks. so you cue up a mindless show, twirling pasta absently, brain half-scattered between the glow of the TV and your screen.

then — buzz.

one notification.

then five.

then seventeen, snowballing faster than you can blink.

your heart hiccups in your chest.

your posts don’t move that fast.

you swipe to your dashboard, fingers trembling.

a new user. no profile picture. no bio.

user 187.

they're clawing through every post you’ve ever made — liking, commenting, reblogging with cryptic little phrases. most are just emojis.

🔪 👁️ 🩸

your stomach flips, nausea curling cold and sour.

at first, you think stalker. a fan. maybe someone from the café who dug too deep. you tell yourself it’s not that weird. it’s not.

you click absentmindedly to the news.

your breath freezes in your lungs.

BREAKING: YOUNG WOMAN FOUND DEAD IN LAKEWOOD NATURE RESERVE.

your wine glass slips from your fingers, shattering against the hardwood.

the TV blares in the background, some canned laugh track ghosting through the apartment, but all you can hear is the blood pounding in your ears.

on screen, a reporter clutches her microphone like a lifeline, her face bloodless against the crime scene's yellow tape. behind her — a sliver of woods.

familiar.

too familiar.

“-victim was discovered late this evening by hikers. the body bears signs of strangulation and unique markings consistent with the decades-old cold case known as the lakewood strangler-”

you can’t breathe.

you posted the story thirty minutes ago.

and the murder is a carbon copy.

every gruesome detail — ones you dug out from buried police reports and half-rotted forums — laid out, chillingly exact.

your phone buzzes again.

user 187 commented on your post:

you forgot the part where she begged.

the words claw into your chest, sharp enough to tear.

your phone slips from your shaking hands, thudding against the floor like a gunshot.

you’re frozen. paralyzed.

your body knows what your mind refuses to accept.

this isn’t a prank.

this isn’t coincidence.

this is real.

no one knew you were writing that story.

no one — except maybe—

you scroll with clumsy, desperate fingers.

user187 reblogged your post with the title:

next up: hollywood. tell me what she’ll scream.

your stomach lurches, bile burning the back of your throat.

because hollywood is the next case you were planning to write about.

and you haven’t told a single soul.

find parts of this series here !

a/n: next chapter is yummy trust🤞🏻thank you @owensbabygirl for proofreading ilyy

🏷: @drewswife @k4urltzx @courta13 @briizysturn @y2kstarr @chriscantwhisper @tezzzzzzzz @adorechris @cherryystemm @dolliraez @rriverscuomo @sturnsblogs @mattspillowprincess @mattsplaything @sturns-mermaid @auttysturnz @sonnyangelsweetiee @izzylovesmatt @ribbonlovergirl @k4urltzx @matts-girlfriend @pair-of-pantaloons @444sturns @weron1ka

divider by @anitalenia

this series is a work of fiction created for entertainment purposes only. all characters, events, and dialogue are entirely fictional and should not be interpreted as real. any similarities to real people or events are purely coincidental. credit and respect to all creators who’ve inspired similar works before me. I claim ownership only over my original writing, ideas, and interpretations. please do not repost, plagiarize, or steal. reblogs and love are always appreciated.

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boypied · 8 months ago

Text

CALL ME DADDY.

pairings: eric dane x male reader

summary: Eric comes back from his daily job to find his slightly younger boyfriend jerking off to his mc streamy scene, Eric wants to recreate it for him.

requested by: mailmango

warnings: SMUT, anal sex, musk kink, shower sex, swearing, armpit kink, body worship, masturbation.

Eric had been at the gym for hours. With all the new movies he's been working on, they have been in demand that he stays in great shape. Even at fifty-one, his build is almost the same as when he was on Greys Anatomy. He's just slightly thicker, which he didn't mind he almost preferred it. Eric always made sure to work his arms the most cause he knew how much you loved it when he flexed and his biceps would perk up, Eric also always made sure to never shower at the gym cause he knew how much you loved how sweaty he was and you always got so turned on by his musky scent, something about it just made you become an absolute animal that just wanted to pounce on him. Eric stayed at the gym for two and a half hours to make sure he could be as sweaty as possible by the time he made it home to you. He got in his car, his pit stains soaked in his shirt, and the scent on him could be smelt from miles away, yet it wasn't a gross smell it was somehow delicious in a way.

You pull out your phone and search up the iconic mc'steamy scene from Greys Anatomy. Something about that scene made you want to ride your boyfriend Eric into the sunset. It was over twenty years ago, and yet he still looked as good now as he does in that video. You grope your cock watching him walk out the shower on repeat, the gif causes your cock to leak pre-cum like a fountain, you find a pair of his yesterday gym underwear that still had the potent musk scent that made you so feral for him. You bring it up to your nose, breathing in the scent, your eyes roll back smelling his musk. "fuck" you mumble under your breath as you begin to slowly push his sweaty underwear into your mouth tasting the salty and savoury taste of it. Feeling the musky fabric in your mouth is driving you crazy but what's driving you over the edge is the Eric Dane shower gif that's on repeat right in front of you, you wrap your hands around the cock and begin jerking it, wanting him, needing him NOW.

Eric stumbled his way into the house, placing his gym bag on the floor and slowly creeping his way upstairs, hoping not to wake you. He peaks into your shared bedroom through the slightly opened door, his eyes widen and his cock hardens at what he's just witnessed the love of his life jerking off to shower scene of his on Greys Anatomy. Your sultry moans echoes throughout the room as the steamy shower scene plays on repeat over and over, pre-cum leaks all down your hand dripping down onto the floor "f-fuck" you mumble under your breath as you begin to jerk yourself faster and faster until Eric storms his way in causing you to jump out of your skin "AHH!" You scream.

Eric's laugh echoes throughout the bedroom as he slowly makes his way closer to your naked body, "someone's enjoying my work, aren't they" he mutters out seductively as he stops beside you and runs his thumb across your bottom lip. You bite your lip ever so slightly as you take in his musky smell, his pit stains are calling to you, begging to have your face in them. "fuck." You whisper under your breath before Eric scoops you up and throws you over his shoulder, slapping your ass for the fun of it. He gently pushes the bathroom door open and puts you down. You stare at him, confused. "I'm gonna make your fantasies become a reality," he winks at you as he begins to undress himself. Once he's finally naked, he picks up he musky underwear and begins to gently feed it into your mouth. Your eyes flutter back as if you are in heaven tasting the saltiness of his gym balls and sweat.

Eric grips the back of your head and lifts up his arm, revealing his hairy pits. He gently pushes your face into his pits, letting the musky scent consume your nose. You keep his underwear in your mouth out of pure pleasure and to add to it your breathing in his sweaty pits, you gently pull the underwear out of your mouth and you begin to lap up his stinky pits "right there baby, good boy" he whispers sweet nothings in your ear. "Keep lapping it up" Eric throws his head back as he feels your tongue slurp up the sweat from his hairy pits, he gently pulls your head back and pecks your lips "shower" he commands gently spanking your ass as your climb in. He turns the shower on and steps inside with you. You wrap your arms around his neck as the warm water hits both your bodies, coating you in its warmth.

You begin to lather up some soap in your hand and rub it all over his chest, feeling him flex his chest beneath your touch. He turns you over and pushes you against the wall. He swats his hand across both cheeks, Eric continues spanking you until your cheeks are red raw. "f-fuck!" You whimper out, feeling the stinging sensation on your ass, Once he's finally done spanking you and many sultry moans later, you turn yourself over and begin to play with his abs and pecs "fuck someone's been working out" you say jokingly causing him to let out a laugh. You lean closer to his pecs, and you graze your face across his pecs, placing kisses all over, "You've done it now." Eric groans out.

He lifts you up and wraps your legs around his waist. He stumbles forward, pushing your back against the wall, and his tongue attacks your mouth for dominance. He immediately wins that battle. The warm spray of water hits Eric's toned muscular back. With one hand, he holds you up to keep you stable and with another hand he lines his cock up with your tight pucker thrusting his hips up, his cock pushes past the tight ring and immediately hits your sweet spot sending you into a frenzy of orgasmic pleasure, "don't cum yet baby, we've just started" Eric whispers into your ear as he begins to buck his hips up into you.

Eric's hand grips onto your throat and tightens around your neck. Your eyes flutter back from pure bliss. "Fucking slut" he groans out as his thrusts become harder and roughly, "takin' me like a fucking CHAMP!" He shouts out as he thrusts up into you, he pulls out and lays you down on the shower floor in doggy. He slides right back into your warmth as he goes right back to how he was thrusting before, his hands grip your hips and his groin bounces off your ass causes it to ripple.

You run your hand down to your cock and start jerking it, with each jerk brings you closer to the sweet relief of cumming. With a couple more jerks, you shoot your load all over the shower floor, your boy-pussy tightens around Eric's cock causing his thrusts to become sloppy and sloppier until he pulls out and immediately shoot his load all over your juicy ass. Eric lifts up your limp body and washes the cum off of you and helps dry you off, laying your naked body on the bed. He kisses your forehead as he watches you drift off into the abyss of sleep, "night baby boy" he mumbles in your ear, "by the way... when you wake up we are going to do that thing you promised me" Eric chuckles and leaves the bedroom, your eyes widen when you realised what you promised to do.

taglist - @starboye @mailmango @ghostking4m @kingchaospostsstuff @crispysoup318 @inhumanshadows @its-ares @gayaristocrat

#eric dane x male reader smut #eric dane smut #eric dane gay #eric dane #eric dane x male reader #x male reader #fanfic #x male y/n #gay #male reader #gay smut #smut

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meazalykov · 8 months ago

Text

back to pink

alexia putellas x cosmetologist!reader

summary: you persuade ale to change her hairstyle again

love, comfort, fluff

the sun spills into your studio in soft rays, casting a warm glow over the room as you adjust your station, your hands automatically going through the motions of preparing your tools.

you've always loved the quiet of the afternoons here. it’s your space, your little sanctuary, and today, it feels even more special with alexia sitting in your chair.

she’s been with you for nearly an hour now, scrolling through her phone, the corners of her lips slightly curled upward in that way that tells you she’s thinking of something amusing.

your heart flutters every time you catch her looking up at you through the mirror, her soft eyes full of a quiet warmth that only you get to see when she’s completely relaxed.

your relationship has always been like this, full of easy silences and stolen glances that say more than words ever could.

"so," you say, turning to face her with a comb in hand, "what’s the plan for today? keeping it simple, or are we doing something big?"

alexia leans back in the chair, setting her phone aside as she gives you a thoughtful look.

"i want a change," she says, her voice carrying that familiar mix of playfulness and seriousness that always keeps you on your toes.

"oh, a change? are we talking drastic?" you ask, moving behind her and running your fingers through her hair, admiring how soft it feels under your touch. thanks to you of course.

it’s natural for you now, this closeness between the two of you. she’s always been comfortable with you, ever since that first appointment years ago.

a grin tugs at your lips as a memory surfaces. "how about we go pink again?" you joke, remembering the bold look she had two years ago, right after the two of you first met.

alexia had come in for a hair appointment, and you’d convinced her—half-jokingly, half-serious—to try something wild. she had agreed to pink, and you had been in awe of how stunning she looked with it. it was also the day she’d asked you out, and the rest, as they say, is history.

alexia tilts her head back, her grin mirroring yours. "you know... i was actually thinking about that."

you blink, pausing mid-comb. "wait, seriously? you want pink again?"

"yeah," she says, completely nonchalant. "it’s been a while, and i think it could be fun."

"alexia," you laugh, shaking your head, "i was kidding! you really want to go pink again?"

"why not?" she shrugs, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "you liked it, didn’t you?"

"you looked incredible," you admit, your mind already racing with the logistics of recreating that look. "but are you sure? i mean, it’s... pink."

"i’m sure," she says, her voice unwavering. "besides, it’ll be our little anniversary surprise."

you tilt your head, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. she always has a way of making even the simplest moments feel special, like this isn’t just about her hair but about the memories you’ve shared.

"okay, pink it is," you say, setting the comb down and grabbing the dye and developer from your station."

but don’t say i didn’t warn you if people start obsessing over it again."

"let them obsess," she chuckles, leaning back in the chair with a content sigh. "i’m used to it by now."

“don’t get cocky!” you joke.

you start by sectioning her hair with careful precision, your fingers moving with the kind of practiced ease that comes from years of experience. you've always taken pride in your work, but when it’s alexia in your chair, it feels different—like there’s a personal connection to every strand, every detail.

you mix the dye, the vibrant pink color swirling in the bowl as you stir it to the perfect consistency. as you begin applying it to her hair, your mind drifts back to that first time you met her.

you had known who she was—alexia putellas, the star of barcelona, the captain everyone admired. but sitting in your chair back then, she wasn’t just the footballer the world knew. she was charming, sweet, and surprisingly easy to talk to.

by the end of the appointment, she had made the first move, asking you to dinner. you had been so flustered, you nearly dropped the hot curling iron.

"remember the first time i did this?" you ask, your voice soft as you work the dye into her hair.

alexia hums in response, her eyes closed as she relaxes under your touch. "how could i forget? i’ve never seen anyone so flustered."

"hey," you protest lightly, "you’re the one who asked me out! i wasn’t expecting it."

"i know," she murmurs, a smile playing on her lips. "but you said yes."

"of course i did," you say, leaning down slightly to press a quick kiss to the top of her head.

"who could say no to you?"

the dyeing process is methodical, almost therapeutic in its routine. you make sure every section is coated evenly, massaging the color in with gentle hands, knowing exactly how long to let it sit.

time passes in a comfortable silence, the only sounds being the occasional hum of your tools and the quiet rustle of fabric as alexia shifts in the chair.

when the dye has set, you rinse her hair, feeling the softness return as the pink starts to emerge. it’s vibrant, bold, and so uniquely her.

once her hair is clean, you blow-dry it with a round brush, giving it volume and soft waves that cascade down her back.

finally, you step back, admiring your work.

"all done," you say, turning her chair around to face the mirror.

alexia’s eyes widen as she stares at herself in the reflection. she runs her fingers through the pink strands, her smile growing wider with each second.

"wow..." she breathes, her voice filled with awe. "it’s perfect."

"you’re obsessed," you tease, watching her admire her new look with a gleam in her eye.

"can you blame me?" she grins, twisting a curl around her finger. "it’s brighter than last time."

before you can say anything more, the door to your studio swings open, and you hear familiar voices fill the room.

mapi and ingrid stroll in, their conversation cutting off the second they see alexia.

"what the—" mapi gasps, her eyes immediately zeroing in on alexia’s hair. "are you serious? you did it again?"

ingrid steps closer, her face lighting up with admiration.

"you look amazing," she says, her voice soft with awe. "the pink is perfect on you."

alexia laughs, clearly enjoying the reaction. "thanks," she says, running a hand through her hair, showing it off.

"but it’s a secret. you can’t tell anyone on the team yet."

"oh, we won’t," mapi grins, her eyes flicking to you with a mischievous glint.

"but i have to say, y/n you outdid yourself this time."

"what can i say? she’s got good taste," you reply with a wink, though you feel a surge of pride at their compliments.

alexia chuckles, still gazing at herself in the mirror, clearly enamored with the pink. "i love it,"

she murmurs, her voice softening as she turns to look at you. "thank you, amor."

you step closer, your heart fluttering at the affectionate term. "always happy to help," you say, reaching out to smooth a stray curl behind her ear.

"but seriously, you look incredible."

she stands up from the chair, taking a moment to admire her reflection one last time before turning back to you. "you’re incredible," she murmurs, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your lips. "and now... i can’t wait for our anniversary. this is going to be a surprise no one sees coming."

you smile against her lips, your heart full. "i can't wait either."

my masterlist is here if you want to read more!

#alexia putellas #woso fanfics #woso community #woso x reader #barcelona femeni #fc barcelona #mapi leon #ingrid engen

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organic-bloodbath · 4 months ago

Note

Since Valentine's Day is around the corner I was wondering if you could you write about Thanos x reader about Thanos and the reader being childhood friends for many years until they got older and now developed feelings for each other so Thanos is trying to tell the reader about his feelings for her by asking her to be his Valentine?

Thanks!

Marry me?

Thanos x Reader

Summary: Thanos tries to find a way to confess his love for you and recreates some of your old memories together.

Warnings: This is so sweet and fluffy your teeth are gonna rot.

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day sweeties ♡

☆☆☆

Thanos looked in your way as you worked on your painting. You had been here for the past three hours, having no breaks. Time flew faster than you realized when you had dived into the trance of painting and an hour felt like barely half of it.

You had been studying art for the past two years and were doing your final project at the moment. You had spent a lot of time and effort on it and were actually proud of it.

As you turned around, Thanos noticed a spot of blue paint stuck on your cheekbone. Your hands were always on paint too, you were so careless that sometimes you looked like you had been fingerpainting instead of using a brush. He wanted to press his thumb on your cheek and brush the paint off but he let his arms hang down on his sides.

"Are you going to keep staring at me or what?"

Every time your eyes locked with his, his heart skipped a beat and butterflies were flying inside his stomach, a smile creeping its way on his lips.

"It's looking good," he complimented and nodded towards the large painting.

"Oh, it's not nearly done yet," you shook your head. "But thanks." You turned back to your painting, adding a yellow stroke to the sun. "What's up?"

"Y/N," Thanos said quietly, taking a deep breath as he was gathering his words and courage in one pile.

"Hm?"

"Do you have any plans for tomorrow?"

"Well, one guy did ask me out and to be his Valentine," you answered. "Wanted to take me for a dinner."

Thanos' heart dropped and his eyes widened, but then he quickly tried to wipe the shocked and disappointed expression from his face. He didn't think he succeeded at that very well, but thankfully you hadn't looked at him.

"Oh, really?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly, making him awkwardly clear his throat. "Who is he?"

"One guy from my class. I know he's had a crush on me for a long time," you shrugged and continued painting, dipping your brush in the red paint on your palette. "I said no, though."

Thanos tried to fight the smile off his face, his heart racing faster now for a sprinkle of hope.

"I see," he mumbled. "So, your calendar is free tomorrow?"

"Yep," you confirmed and turned your head towards Thanos. "Why?"

"Well, I was thinking if you wanted to do something with me," Thanos offered.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"Hmm, it's a surprise," he smiled, trying to act all mysterious. You lifted your eyebrows and crossed your arms on your chest, the brush making a red line on your arm in the process.

"A surprise, huh?" you repeated. "Not going to give even a small hint?"

"Nope, you'll see then."

You narrowed your eyes. "Alright, keep your secrets."

☆☆☆

Thanos had been in love with you for years, but was afraid of revealing it to you. What if you didn't feel the same for him and he'd ruin your friendship with his dumb confession? But he was equally as scared to say anything at all.

He couldn't keep his feelings hidden anymore, hiding them was eating him alive. He couldn't watch one more guy flirt with you, be able to kiss you and hold you close. You hadn't dated anyone in the past few years, and somewhere in his heart Thanos had a nagging feeling that maybe, just maybe, you felt the same way about him and were only waiting for him to gather enough courage to ask you out.

Thanos had thought about a million different ways how to tell you about his feelings, but still didn't know which one would be good enough. Should he just take your hand, look into your eyes and tell you those three words that were stuck in his throat? Should he plan a huge surprise for you and do a grand gesture for confessing how he felt? Buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers, along with a box of those strawberry chocolates you couldn't get enough of?

He knew you didn't care too much about big surprises and large spectacles, you liked simple gestures, but still he wanted to put effort on telling about his feelings more than holding your hands in your living room while tv was playing today's news. Maybe he should cook a nice dinner for the two of you? Buy candles of your favorite scent?

You deserved only the best and nothing less.

☆☆☆

When you were 12 years old, your mom took you and your sister to an arcade. You loved playing different games but this was your first time in this arcade.

You wanted to play a race car game, which would include two players, but your sister didn't care about it. She had gone to play some space shooting game which name you didn't know. As you stood by the machine, a boy approached you.

"Do you want to play?" he asked.

"Um, i don't have a partner to play with," you answered shyly.

"Me neither," he said. "Want to play together?"

Your heart fluttered as you looked at the boy's smiling face.

"Sure," you said quietly. You had always been a little nervous and shy around boys, you didn't know exactly why.

You sat on the leather chairs next to each other and grabbed the wheel with both of your hands.

"Just so you know, i've never lost in this game," the boy said proudly.

"Is that a challenge?" you scoffed. "We'll see about that."

You had played a race car game a few times with your dad. Obviously you had won every round, because he wouldn't let his little daughter lose and get upset.

As you managed to get to the finish line just a few seconds before the boy, you let out a cheer while the boy only sat there silent, absolutely speechless. Nobody had beat him before, and now he lost to a girl? Absolutely outrageous.

"Ha, i won," you mocked him, seeing the defeated look on his face. "Want to play again?"

And for the next four rounds, he won only once, and that was because you let him so he wouldn't go back home totally upset.

Now, Thanos entered the same arcade, you following behind him.

"Su-bong," you said slowly. "Is this a date?"

Thanos felt his cheeks become red.

"Oh, well, i mean - do you want this to be one?" he stuttered.

"You brought me to the place where we first met on a Valentine's day," you pointed out with an amused smile. "I'd say that's pretty romantic."

You had guessed Thanos was planning a date for you, since it was Valentine's Day, but only never mentioned the 'date' word so you went along with it the way he did. You had noticed his reaction, the tone in his voice, when you mentioned that someone had asked you out, and his demeanor changing immediately when you told him you had refused.

"Would it be okay if... this was a date?" he asked carefully, sounding like he was afraid of getting slapped on the face. You didn't answer right away, which made Thanos panic a little bit. "It doesn't have to be, if you don't want to."

You bit your lip to prevent you smiling too widely. You had rarely seen Thanos as shy as he was acting right now, cheeks pink, and found it adorable.

"Maybe," you teased. "Do you have any other plans for our date?" You intentionally put more weight on the last word.

"I might have," he smiled.

"Is that a surprise too or will you reveal it to me?"

"I'll have it as a surprise," he said. "Atleast until i win in the car race."

"What do you mean 'win'?" you huffed, narrowing your eyes, arms against your chest. "Mind you, it's pretty obvious i'm better than you."

"To be fair, that was 15 years ago, and you failed your first driving test to get your driving license."

"I guess we'll see then, hm?"

For the first round, you took easy on him and held back, pretending to be worse than him and lose on purpose. He had to get false hope in his head that he's better than you, just so you could crush his ego on the next round.

"You can't be serious," Thanos scoffed.

"Told you, i'm better than you," you said. "You know what difference we have? I'm a reckless driver while you're the more careful one. That's why i don't drive in real life but succeed in videogames."

To be honest, on the outside you and Thanos looked probably the complete opposite, Thanos being the more reckless one.

"I'll win you one day, let me tell you," Thanos insisted.

"I guess we'll have to come here more often and get a membership card or something."

You felt your stomach growling.

"So, i hope the next part of our date involves food," you stated. "Otherwise i'll be angry if you're going to starve me."

"Don't worry, there's food," he assured you.

☆☆☆

Thanos took you into a restaurant where you hadn't eaten in ages. It had been your favorite place when you were a teenager, visiting it regularly with Thanos and your other friends too. You didn't really remember why you had stopped going there.

Your first time in this restaurant had been with Thanos. You were 16 years old at the time and you had missed the last bus which would take you back home. The restaurant was open until late at night around 1 or 2 am and it was the only one open nearby.

"What is this place?" you had asked.

"One of my favorite restaurants, they serve the best french fries," Thanos told you. "And you can get a dessert on discount."

"On discount?" you asked. "What are you, a regular customer and get every fifth pancake for free?"

"No, they have this policy that if someone proposes here, they get free dessert."

"You've proposed to a girl before?" Now you were really intrigued.

"Not yet, but i've seen that happen. Twice."

"You know that we're only 16, Su-bong," you reminded him.

"You look older though," he said, making you to smack his shoulder in annoyance.

Hesitantly, you agreed for a proposal performance in the middle of the restaurant after you had finished your meal. You had never enjoyed becoming the centre of attention, but with Thanos it felt different, because his presence managed to relax a lot more.

He really did drop down on his knee in front of you by your table, taking your hands in his as he showed you the ring, which was just shaped out of a piece of aluminium foil while you ate. You hadn't told him, but you kept the "ring" in your jewelry box for months, until you accidentally lost it somewhere.

He hadn't joked around back then, they really did offer you free dessert to a newly engaged couple, and the restaurant believed the act completely.

"We're eating here?"

"Yep," he said. "And i hope you're able to act along again."

"What, you going to propose again?" you chuckled and lifted your left eyebrow.

"I might," he admitted, then leaning close to whisper into your ear. "But don't tell Y/N, it has to be a surprise."

"My lips are sealed," you promised and closed the invisible zipper on your lips.

You entered the restaurant, a few people sitting at the tables, most of them looked like couples.

You ordered food and ate while having a nice conversation between the bites. He asked about your art project and in general about your most recent works which you were always excited to talk about. Thanos loved listening to your voice and especially hear you laugh. He loved how passionate you were about art as well.

You didn't know how much time had passed, most likely around an hour and half. After you had almost finished eating, Thanos took your hand in his over the table and looked directly into your eyes.

"Y/N," he said and tried to stay serious and not burst out laughing for what he was about to do. "I have something to tell you." He started to stand up, but not until he whispered to you: "Remember to act surprised."

Thanos got up and kneeled right in front of you, getting a ring out of his pocket and held it in the air on his eye level. You had to cover your mouth only to stop you from laughing.

"Y/N, will you marry me?"

You had always been good at faking tears and make yourself cry out of nothing. Right now, you let your eyes water again and twisted your face to look absolutely shocked, keeping your hand against your mouth. But faking the tears was easier than it would have been normally in other situations. The way he looked at you now with his pleading eyes made your heart race and butterflies appear in your stomach.

"Yes!" you squeled, on purpose loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to hear. Luckily the restaurant wasn't very large, so the waitress wasn't far away either. "Of course i'll marry you, honey."

A few people had turned to look at the two of you, pausing their own conversation. As Thanos got up and pulled you into a warm, tight hug, a few people started to clap and cheer for you, making your cheeks turn red.

Thanos put the ring on your finger. It was made of plastic and had a pink jewel on it, which looked like it could fall off any moment. But it fit perfectly in your finger.

You sat back at your table, and soon the waitress brought two plates of cheesecake for both of you.

"Congratulations," she smiled. "On the house."

You and Thanos thanked her.

"You know, this is the second time you've proposed to me but there still hasn't been a wedding," you pointed out, acting a little disappointed, and took a spoonful of cheesecake into your mouth. "Truly feels like you're avoiding commitment."

"I'm not avoiding anything, excuse me," Thanos stated.

"Mhm," you hummed, enjoying every bite of your cheesecake which was the best you had ever tasted.

"Alright then." Thanos straightened his back. "I suppose our date has one more step."

☆☆☆

You ended up into an empty park, nobody else in sight. It was already dark, the moon shining above you and a few starts here and there. This was the place where you and Thanos used to come after school sometimes, just to hang out when there wasn't many kids around.

"What are we doing here, Su-bong?" you asked, looking around you.

"I'm improvising our wedding," he said.

"Oh really?" you asked, surprised he was actually going through with it.

"Mhm," he hummed.

"We don't have a priest though."

"I was at my cousin's wedding couple of months ago, i think i can handle that," he said confidently. He didn't remember all the correct words but this was a last second wedding anyway.

"Well, we need a wedding witness too," you pointed out. Thanos looked around the park for a moment until spotted something on the ground.

"That's easy," he said and grabbed a teddy bear from the ground. It was dirty and wet after being dropped in a puddle. "He will do."

"I think he needs to be a little older and more alive."

"Y/N, look at him," Thanos said seriously and pointed at the bear where he had just put it, sitting on the ground facing you. "He has clearly seen life more than enough."

"Alright, fair enough," you chuckled.

"Okay, stand over here," he said, pulling you to the correct spot by his hand on your elbow. "Just like that, don't move."

Thanos didn't stand in front of you, but next to you, facing towards the bear.

"We have gathered here today to wed this beautiful couple," Thanos announced, lowering his voice even lower than his natural voice normally was. "Su-bong, please say your wedding vows."

Thanos stepped to stand in front of you, taking your hands in his. He cleared his throat and straightened his back until looked directly into your eyes. You tried to keep a serious face but was on the edge of laughing.

"Y/N... i really like you," Thanos said slowly and took a deep breath. He hadn't exactly planned a proper speech of his love confessing to you, so he had to just say everything that came into his mind. "I've known you over half of my life. You're that one person in my life who i will never want to lose. You're beautiful, funny, creative and the most caring person i know. I've had the best moments of my life with you and i hope we can keep making more of those memories together. I promise to love you always and forever, if you'll have me."

Your cheeks were burning hot, butterflies in your stomach ripping you apart and you couldn't get rid of the smile on your face, almost hurting your cheeks by now.

"That was beautiful, Su-bong," you admitted quietly. "Are you sure you don't write anything else than rap lyrics?"

"Just said what came into my mind by looking at you," he confessed and lifted his hand to put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"Well, i liked that," you smiled. "I liked that a lot."

Thanos stepped back into the priests spot for a second.

"Y/N, please say your wedding vows to this handsome gentleman," he announced, then stepping back to his spot in front of you.

"You know i'm not very good with words," you mumbled shyly.

"That's okay," he said in a comforting tone. "It doesn't have to be a long speech."

"Su-bong," you said, taking a deep breath. "You've been my best friend ever since we were kids. You've always been there for me in everything and you're the person i trust the most in my life. And i want to have you for the rest of my life by my side."

Thanos looked at you in complete awe, his heart about to burst out of his chest. He wanted to grab you into his arms already, it took all his effort to stay still on his spot.

"Y/N, will you take Choi Su-bong as your lawful husband and promise to cherish and love him until death takes you apart?"

You bit your lip to try and resist the smile breaking your face by stretching too large.

"This is your last chance to say no and run away from the invisible altar," Thanos whispered to you. "Just make sure not to trip on the sand box on the way."

You chuckled and eventually nodded. "I will."

He felt like he would need to make you repeat those two simple words, just to make sure you had really agreed, and for a second he was frozen to his spot. He quickly shook his head to make himself function again and cleared his throat.

"Choi Su-bong, will you take Y/N as your lawful wife and promise to cherish and love her until death takes you apart?"

Thanos moved to his spot again, looking deep into your eyes.

"I will."

You let out a short giggle.

"In the presence of this dirty teddy bear, i hereby announce you a husband and wife," Thanos announced, hand on his heart. "You may kiss the bride."

You bit your lip, your insides warming up. Thanos took a step closer to you, only a few inches left between your bodies, and slowly put his hand on your cheek, it felt cold against your skin. He glanced at your lips, unsure if he should actually proceed or not.

You grabbed his face in your hands and instantly pulled him into a deep kiss. He didn't hesitate a moment longer, immediately putting his hands against your lower back to pull you closer against him. Thanos had waited for this moment for years and was sure that he was only dreaming and would wake up back to the reality any moment.

But you were in his arms, he was truly holding you close and finally kissing you. He had confessed his feelings to you and you hadn't just laughed at his face, making him feel ridiculous. Would you really be his?

You broke the kiss but kept your face close enough that the tip of your noses touched, keeping eye contact with him. Your hand rested against the back of his head, his on your hips.

"You know," you started with a teasing smile. "I think we should stay just as friends after all."

"That didn't convince you, huh?" he asked with raised eyebrows, face completely serious, putting his hand back on your cheek. "Do i need to do that again?"

"Perhaps," you teased. He didn't hesitate a second longer, pressing his lips on yours in a passionate, but also soft, kiss. His hands were wandering up your back.

"Did i convince you now?" he asked, putting his forefinger under your chin and touching your lower lip with his thumb. "I can do that as many times as i need to."

"I think we're good - for now," you smiled. "So, why did it take you this long to do that?"

"Because i'm an idiot," he laughed.

"So, are we engaged now for real, hm?" you asked, twirling the plastic ring on your finger.

"It's actually insulting that you think my real proposal includes a ring which cost 50 cents at a thrift shop," he defended himself with raised eyebrows. "And taking place at midnight in a park where teenagers come to smoke after school."

You looked at the ground and saw several cigarette stumps all around the sand.

"Fair," you giggled and bit your lip, then changing the tone of your voice to a more serious one. "But... if we're not official husband and wife right now, will we be one day?"

"If you want to," he whispered. "I'd like to settle for a boyfriend and girlfriend label for now - if that's okay with you?"

"More than okay," you agreed with a large smile and leaned in to kiss him again.

"Good," Thanos said and held you close.

☆☆☆

#choi su bong imagine #squid game imagine #squid game x reader #choi su bong x reader #thanos imagine #thanos x reader #thanos x you #choi su bong x you

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wynnyfryd · 11 months ago

Text

Trailer park Steve AU pt 67

part 1 | part 66 | ao3

cw: recreational drug use

Waiting around to die or get arrested or whatever fucking sucks. Partly because there’s no running water (Steve’s never wanted to take a stress shower so badly in his life) and partly because Eddie won’t let him stay sober. Has it in his head that altering Steve’s mental state will keep Vecna away, like hanging a mosquito net over the opening of a tent.

It’s not not working, he guesses.

He hasn’t fallen in to any more hallucinated open graves, at least.

He comes down the stairs a little before noon, towel-drying his hair after a bottled water sink bath, and finds Eddie in the kitchen: Reeboks on, hair a cotton candy mess, head-to-toe teddy bear tie-dye under his leather jacket — a matching shirt and sweats that he fished out of Rick’s dresser. He’s stirring Spaghettios in a small pot at the stove, and when he sees Steve come in he turns to offer some, the wooden spoon held out with a sort of desperate perkiness. “Morning! I found food that isn’t expired. You want some?”

Steve shakes his head.

Eddie shovels the whole spoonful into his mouth; wipes sauce off his chin, speaks before he’s finished chewing. “I also found blotters in the freezer and shrooms in the bedroom closet, so uh. Pick your poison.”

Steve picks the shrooms. They wait a few hours to take them because Eddie swears the sunset while you’re tripping is unparalleled, man, although Steve kind of suspects that he’s just giving him time to work up the nerve to eat them. He still gets nervous about chemicals — probably always will, after the shit the Russians did.

In the meantime, Eddie rummages through Rick’s cassette collection, and Steve talks to Robin on the walkie; gets all the new details in staticky half-sentences — something about mind flayers and mental hospitals, what else is new? He tells her to be safe; tells her that he loves her; keeps his eyes trained on the clock.

—

Shrooms smell and taste like ass. Steve can’t stomach them; spits into the grass while Eddie laughs sympathetically and hands him a little square of paper to put on his tongue instead, and they spread out side by side on a few old beach towels by the water and wait for it to kick in.

Nothing, at first, not that Steve expected different. Twenty minutes; forty-five.

“Still nothing?”

“Nothing.”

And then.

Eddie holds up a glossy aquamarine pebble, squinting at its glow in the late afternoon sun. “I should give this rock to Skye. Bet she’d love it.”

“That’s a shard of glass.”

Eddie blinks at it. “Oh, shit.”

Steve snorts, and when he looks at Eddie sideways there’s a glimmer of that same cerulean shade outlining his whole body, a low-frequency feather of energy rolling off of him in waves. Eddie moves his arm and the color chases it, a long-exposure photo of high beams on rain-slick roads.

“Oh,” Steve says, mouth slack. His voices echo in his head; all six of them. “I think I’m…”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, eyes alight, pupils blown.

“Yeah.”

All at once something slots into place, attunes itself inside of Steve, and it’s like… he can see Eddie’s mind; touch it, cradle it, reach out to it with its own. It feels crazy. Psychedelics are fucking crazy. He reaches out a hand, slicing through ribbons of shimmering light, tasting the colors as they fade, and Eddie’s emotions spread out in high-definition before him — like the image has always been there but now it’s crystal clear; someone’s shifted his focal point, filled a kiddie pool with Epsom salt and left him there to float.

“I see you,” he says nonsensically.

Eddie frowns. “I’m sorry.”

“…That I can see you?”

“I usually am.”

That’s not right. Eddie’s thoughts shouldn’t sour on his account, shouldn’t sag in the middle like a moldy tangerine. “I can close my eyes?”

“Fuck,” Eddie laughs, thin and strained. “Don’t say shit like that when I’m not allowed to kiss you.”

“You’re not?”

He hesitates. “Am I?” Antsy fingers drum the grass, overgrown with vibrant clover and dandelion stalks. “Just feel like we should talk first, if uh, if it’s safe.”

Steve probes his own mind, tests it for outside threats, but there’s nothing. The acid forms a fractal fortress. Penrose steps, paradoxical and strange. “It’s safe.”

He moves to lie on his side, invites Eddie to do the same. “Talk into the kiss,” he suggests when Eddie joins him — face to face, chest to chest, Steve can see the thrum of Eddie’s heartbeat in the hollow of his throat; wants to press his thumb to it, so he does, the sense memory of ripe cherries bursting on his tongue.

Eddie’s lips against his own; hovering. Static electricity like the scent of summer rain. “I think my pride makes me a coward.”

Steve rubs his dry lips across Eddie’s, chapped skin and shared heat.

“It’s like… I kept trying to tell myself that I was being… I don’t know, valiant, or some shit? Like, ‘oh, he’s so much better without me. I’m the town pariah; I’m keeping him safe by running away.’” He thumps his fist against his heart as if beating a shield to shining armor, and Steve can’t see his eyebrows with their foreheads pressed together, but he can feel Eddie scrunching them into a picture-perfect hero frown. Almost has to laugh — so fucking theatrical even when he’s serious.

“But if I’m honest,” Eddie murmurs, “it wasn’t like that at all. Nothing fucking brave about vanishing on you. Like, what?” His voice shifts again, lilting but critical, a comedian doing crowd work. “I get a liiiittle fucked up by townies two too many times, and I sabotage my whole life over it? Ruin the best thing I’ve ever had over it? As if this goddamn horseshit hasn’t been happening to me since— forever! Shit.” He blows his bangs out of his face; calms himself. Goes a little cross-eyed trying to look Steve in the eye. “I got scared, Steve. There it is. That’s the ugly truth of it.”

He swallows harshly in the dense silence that follows.

Robins chirp; cars pass.

The lake laps at the shore and casts prisms like fishing line, spiderwebs of rainbow light flashing behind Steve’s eyelids. He brings his hands up to Eddie’s face.

“Christ.” Eddie shudders; lets himself become dead weight, rubbing his cheek into the touch, warm stubble scratching over the pads of Steve’s fingers. “Am I making any sense? I feel like I’m not making any sense.”

Yes. No. “You’re making sense. I mean. As much as anything is right now.” The sandy brown freckles on the bridge of Eddie’s nose are swirling like snow flurries. Steve traces them with curious hands. His knuckles blur and swivel, too. “You left because… you wanted to protect me from… yourself?” He sums up, not sure if he’s getting the math right.

“I left because I’m a scared little shit who couldn’t handle getting bullied in a parking lot, but uh. Yeah. I guess I, like, didn’t want to…” His eyes go big and startled, cheeks flooding bright pink. “Oh, shit, I was about to say I didn’t want to curse you, Jesus Christ.”

Steve honks with laughter. Loud and deep and punched out without warning, because the irony of that — that there’s a literal big bad running around cursing people, and the person who was actually doing some real good in his life decided that he was the problem — it’s fucking— hilarious! Hysterical! Steve giggles himself sick, lungs burning as it tapers to a silent wheeze, and Eddie joins him, confusion giving way to compulsion; contagion in the manic giddiness spewing out of Steve.

“You thought—” Steve struggles through hiccups, tears beading in his lash line, “you thought you were the bad luck charm in this relationship?”

“Don’t mock me!” Eddie whines, still laughing. “I already said it was dumb.”

“It’s so dumb.” Eddie may be the cutest, dumbest thing he’s ever seen. He rubs his thumbs over his cheekbones, smile fading. “If anyone’s a curse, it’s me.” Four for four here on getting dragged into supernatural shit. Does Eddie really think homophobes are more dangerous than hell dimensions?

Eddie’s already shaking his head. “You’re a fucking blessing.”

Warmth radiates through Steve, drips from the crown of his head like a downpour of holy water. He feels anointed. Ascended. He feels— “Please tell me we’re allowed to kiss now.”

Their mouths crush together, impossible to tell who moves first, whose tongue is in whose mouth, whose desperate breath Steve swallows as Eddie rolls him onto his back. Hands roam and pull and clutch, molding the shape of him into the earth. Maybe someday, Steve thinks, if aliens invade, they’ll study these imprints like crop circles, trampled declarations of how much Steve loves this boy. “God,” he gasps into the kiss. “Missed you so much.”

“So much.”

“Don’t do that to me again. Don’t go.”

“Never,” Eddie swears. His grip tightens on Steve’s waist. “Never again, baby, I fucking promise. I think I—”

On the far side of the house, leaves crunch and branches snap as a car pulls up the drive. Boots on pavement, rowdy voices; unfamiliar; red alert.

“Spread out, boys!” the voice of Jason Carver bellows. “If that Freak’s in here, we’ll find him.”

—

part 68

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

#trailer park steve au #steddie #steddie fic #my writing #my fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #reefer rick #jason carver

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luveline · 2 years ago

Text

𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 | 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧

Best friends since middle school, you tell Eddie everything, which is why he's so surprised to find out you've been keeping a secret —you’re hearing a voice whenever you're home alone. He’s always had a thing for the fantastical but he can't believe in ghosts, and the longer you insist on it, the more worried he becomes. This would be bad enough if Eddie didn’t have a secret too, and it threatens to change everything between you. [22k]

fem!reader, best friends to lovers slow-burn, mutual pining, eddie is infatuated with you, idiots in love, paranormal activity/au, heavy hurt/comfort, angst, fluff and affection, wayne is uncle of the year every year, ghost-hunting

cw assumed auditory hallucinations, talk of mental health, surrounding worry and circumstances, mentioned mental illness stigma, recreational drug use mention, prescription drugs, grief

my endless gratitude and thank yous to @h-ness1944 and @mrcylvsu for their sensitivity beta reads and for answering my questions so many moons ago, I'm very, very thankful for all that hard work, and all the time and energy you both spent!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Eddie's desk fan is on the fritz. It twists back and forth with a weak metallic clicking sound that promises eventual electrocution but for now provides momentary relief. Even the nights have been hell lately. No matter how many windows he and Wayne open, the air at home stays thick with humidity.

Sweat shines on his brow and collar. He refuses to tie his hair back, and each hour it grows more and more uncomfortable.

"Are you sure you don't wanna come and lie up here?" he asks, shifting reluctantly to peer over the side of the bed.

You're laying on the floor of his room, just as sweaty but half as unhappy. You've abandoned a book to your left, having declared the weather too much to concentrate through.

"Our body heat will mingle."

"The fan is really helping," he argues lightly. "If you die on my floor Wayne won't ever let it go. Just come up here."

You mumble something he doesn't hear and pull your shirt from your chest. You attempt to fan yourself with the thin, clinging fabric. It doesn't work, but it does expose the soft hill of your abdomen to his guilty eyes. His mouth dries up.

"It's getting late," he says. He's not trying to get rid of you, promise, but now he's thinking about your body heat mingling and why it wouldn't be such a bad thing, and he doesn't want to. "I'll drive you home, yeah?"

"In a minute," you agree, looking as if you have no intention of moving.

You turn your face to the side, eyes closed, lashes skimming the delicate skin of your under eye. Eddie sits up and rakes his greasy hair away from his face. He'll drop you home, take a cold shower for purely heat related reasons, and hopefully sleep through the night. It's a very unlikely outcome, but a man can dream.

"Come on. We'll roll the windows down and go really fast."

"Eddie," you chastise.

"Moderately fast."

His sleeveless tank top gets caught as he leans down to try and flick you. Eddie can only ever forgive his fourteen year old self for maiming perfectly good vintage in times like these. A completely unnecessary culling of an entire wardrobe's worth of sleeves, but when the weather gets bad for a few heady weeks every summer, he remembers the reasoning behind it.

He's stripped of all his clunky jewellery for now, adorned only in the dark ink of his multiplying tattoos. His most recent addition is an artist's rendition of the Eye of Sauron, blinking up at him from beneath his volley of bats. Still sick, he thinks to himself smugly.

You've pulled yourself into a sitting position with your arms crossed over the bed, your hand stretched out to touch his plaid pyjama bottoms. You're in a nearly matching pair; when Eddie called you to hang out earlier you'd turned him down, citing a reluctance to change. He'd promised to pick you up in his own pyjamas, and you've been lying on his floor since then.

You're the laziest kids this side of the Wabash river, Wayne'd said, looking over your limp bodies with a smile.

The other side, too, Eddie popped back. Will you put those chicken wings in the oven for us, please?

Eddie's not a monster, the wings were pre-prepared. Any other day he'd correct his uncle, say, hey, we haven't been kids for years, but the heat makes him feel gross and sometimes you just want your dad to make you dinner. (Sometimes Eddie's just lazy, also.)

"Eds?" you murmur.

He lets his hands fall away from his hair where he'd been scratching mindlessly and turns to you. He's lethargic, feels like he's turning his head through molasses. "What, sweetheart?"

Years of being friends lends an easy affection. His pet names are purely platonic. Or they used to be. Either way, you aren't perturbed.

"Can I sleep over?"

He usually says yes to that question immediately. But again, the thought of your sweaty body curled into his with your hands breaching a friendly gap to curl over his waist like they tend to do fills his stomach with dread.

His little crush is making him a bad friend, he decides. He will always, first and foremost, be your friend.

"Of course you can." He rubs his mouth. Feigning casualness. "How come?"

You peel out of your fatigue and get on your knees. The extra height is all you need to finally grab his legs, smiling sheepishly. Eddie won't judge you for almost anything and you know that, so it's gotta be outlandish.

"I think…" You tap his kneecap. "Okay, laugh at me if you need to, but I'm pretty sure my house is haunted."

"Like, by a ghost?"

"What else?" you ask, laughing good-naturedly.

"Why do you think it's haunted, superstar?"

You drop your face onto his thigh, giving him a disjointed hug. He hugs you back for as long as the heat will allow it, a handful of stolen seconds with his hand over your back.

"I swear, sometimes, I can hear someone talking."

That's… scarier than he imagined. "Shit, I thought you were gonna say a coat fell off the hanger, or the light in your bathroom started flickering again."

"It has," you admit, your mouth pressed to his thigh. "But it's just the bulb."

He pushes you off of him, your voice sending vibrations through places he'd prefer it didn't, and you fall back with a half-hearted stab at melodrama.

"Oof," you say, straight-faced.

"You really think it's a ghost?" he asks.

"No. I don't know. I won't believe in ghosts until I see one, and I haven't seen one, but if it were a ghost, this is the type of behaviour I'd expect from it. So I guess I do. Does that make sense?"

"Sure." He doesn't know. "What does it say?"

"Here's the bit where you won't believe me."

You smile at him from your spot on the floor. Your hand curls out, like a tight budded flower coming to bloom.

"She asks about you," you say quietly. "It's pretty much all she says."

"Who?"

"The ghost."

"She's a she?"

"Sounds kind of like one."

"Come sit up here with me."

Eddie knows his voice has gone hard and weird, but he can't help it. He understands that he doesn't understand anything, that the world is large and works in mysterious ways, but he wouldn't forgive himself if he took this lightly. You sound so convinced — it makes him feel ill.

Because Eddie doesn't believe in ghosts.

You climb up onto the bed in front of him and he doesn't take your hand. He should. You won’t meet his eyes, a sign that you're slightly embarrassed. It's not what he meant to do.

"What does she say?” he probes.

You go teasing and shiny, a glimmer in your eye. "I know you don't believe me, Eddie."

"Who says I don't believe you? I just need you to explain."

"She says…" You laugh. "Okay, she says stuff like, 'Eddie is okay?'"

Eddie stares at you.

"I was going to tell you–"

"When?" he demands.

"I'm telling you right now!"

"How long have you been hearing voices?"

You climb up on knees to wrap your arms around his head. "You think I'm delusional," you say, a loving murmur in his ear.

He grabs your waist. Unsurprisingly, hugging you doesn't make him nearly as electric as he'd worried. It feels the same as it always has, like hugging his best friend. Loving the smell of your hair is new, but everything else stays the same.

"I don't think you’re delusional, I don't, I just– if I told you the same thing."

You pull away, and his hand comes to rest atop the curve of your hip. "I'd believe you," you say.

"I believe that you believe there's someone talking to you about me. Uh… if it is a ghost haunting your house, why's she talking about me?"

You take his hands off of your waist, squeezing his fingers together in your palms. "Don't know. I tried asking but she never answers, and last night…"

Eddie stands up.

"Where are you going?"

"We gotta let Wayne know you're staying and he's about to fall asleep, and I want a cigarette, and you need something to drink."

"I don't want a beer."

"No," he says. When he says to drink, he really means something cold to sip on. He's hoping to grab you back from… whatever it is you're going. "Soda, apple juice, drink what you want."

He fiddles with the drawstrings on his pants, waiting for you to join him at the doorway. You stay sitting on his bed. He doesn't know what your face means.

"Hey, you still have to tell me about it. I want to know, swear to god. We have all night." He holds out his hand. Wiggles his fingers at you. "I'll let you paint my nails again too, like a real girls night."

That grabs your attention. You slide off of the bed and take his hand, shrieking as he yanks you ten miles an hour down the skinny hallway and into the living room. Wayne's got the sofa bed out already, his padded roll-up mattress laid out over the springs and a sheet stretched corner to corner.

"Hey, kids," he says, fluffing one of his pillows. He chucks it at the top of the mattress. "Home time?"

"Can I stay over, Mr. Munson?" you ask.

Wayne rolls his eyes. You once spent eight days here with no breaks sometime in the summer of 1987 and he hadn't batted an eye. Eddie made sure it was truly alright with Wayne, of course, and you'd done your share of housework. Point is, both Munson's find your asking to stay unnecessary.

"I'll make pancakes in the morning," you add.

"Oh, in that case." Wayne throws his blanket out over the bed and sits on top of it. "By all means, kid, stay over. Tell your guardian."

"Can't. In Santa Barbara."

"Ah, then I have to insist you stay," he says, laying down with a huff.

Eddie passes him the TV remote. "She's a big girl, Wayne." You're well past the age of parental supervision.

Wayne answers with a grumbling sound that means, hey, you can keep talking to me but there's no guarantee I'll answer.

"I won't be annoying, promise," you say.

Wayne grunts again.

"That's old man talk for I know you won't," Eddie translates.

You nod, glad to have permission, and meander into the kitchen. "Can I–"

"Yes!" Eddie and Wayne call simultaneously.

Wayne laughs to himself in that pleased gruff way he's good at and tucks his arms behind his head. He's wearing one of Eddie's t-shirts. They've been the same size since Eddie was seventeen, something both Munson's utilise when laundry day is approaching but not quite upon them.

"Lighter?"

Wayne scrunches his eyes in displeasure. "By the sink."

"Thanks." For some reason, Eddie doesn't leave. He stays standing by the TV, listening to the voice of a late-night talk show chuckle through a joke about some scandal.

When Eddie was younger, he'd get into bed beside Wayne and watch TV until his eyes hurt. Too young to have stopped needing comfort and too old to know how to ask for it, he'd drift down the snug hallway into the living room and Wayne would usually be asleep or almost there. Eddie would stand by the TV hesitantly, and if he was sleeping Wayne must've been able to feel it, a new parents instinct or something, because he'd soon wake, and if he wasn't he'd look at Eddie like he'd been waiting for him. Like Eddie was running late.

His teenage years were almost solely defined by bad dreams and TV with Wayne. On the good nights, Eddie would go back to bed. On the bad nights, heartache would swallow him whole. Well, almost whole. His cheek would rest on Wayne's shoulder as the night went on. Miraculous and ordinary at once. That's the only bit of him that didn't hurt.

Pain emaciates the good from his memory, but it can't erase the comfort of watching TV with someone who loved him when they didn't have to.

Wayne pretends to chop Eddie in the stomach. Eddie laughs and dodges out of his path.

"Gotta be faster than that," Eddie taunts.

"Don't chain smoke," Wayne says.

"We won't be up long." Eddie's lying. He can't imagine that either of you will be getting an early night tonight considering the nature of your confession. What he means is, you won't be keeping Wayne up, and Eddie won't smoke more than what's wise.

Wayne hums.

You're in the kitchen screwing the lid back on a gallon of apple juice, your cup a quarter filled. You're like that. Won't ever take more than you need.

"One for me?" he asks.

"I figured now all your taste buds are dead, you wouldn't want any."

"Ha-ha," he says. The kitchen is unusually clean. "Shit, stop cleaning my house. Good god."

You pull one of his jackets off of the seat of one of the kitchen table's chairs and shake it out. "So I can sleep here, eat here, but cleaning is where you draw the line. I like it."

Eddie grabs the lighter from beside the sink in one hand and your wrist in the other, pulling you away from the table before you can start organising their mail and through the back door.

It's still sticky-hot out and the steps are warm to the touch as the two of you sit down hip to hip. He pulls the stiff pack of cigarettes from his pants pocket and hands them to you. Your hand is already waiting. You peel off the plastic and tap the pack against your chest. You like doing it, arguing that it makes you feel like you're Chelsea Marino in Glory Days, all dark smiles and indulgent self-loathing.

You open the pack, tug out a lone cigarette, and pass it to him.

"You're like a pez dispenser," Eddie says, putting the butt of the cigarette between his lips.

"You little freak."

He laughs and almost drops his cig. Wayne's heavy zippo struggles to light, low on gas.

"Loser can't even light a cigarette."

"Who put two dimes in you?" he asks, thrilled by your negging.

He takes a sharp inhale as the end of the cigarette finally lights, the heat tickling his throat until it burns the way he needs it to.

"Somebody must've," you say.

"Reckon we can tip you upside down and get something to eat?" he asks through an exhale of smoke, tapping ash into the small egg cup to his left that's been serving as an ashtray for as long as he's been smoking. It used to be yellow. Every now and again he washes it and sees the old chicken paint underneath. "Too late for cooking."

"Are you hungry?" you ask genuinely. "I told you we should've had more than just wings."

"It was too hot to eat hot stuff. It's still too hot. Tomorrow, we should go to Bradley's and get stuff for sandwiches."

Eddie waits for your answer. "I'm sick of PB and J, Eds," or "Yes! And a pitcher for sweet tea, my captain." You don't say anything, your face turned up to the sky and your eyes closed, soaking in the heat.

He has half a mind to go get a spray bottle and douse you before you collapse.

"What's going on with you?" he asks.

"I'm just thinking."

"Think out loud. Don't be fucking selfish."

"I'm not sure you wanna hear it."

He puts his cigarette in the eggcup ashtray half-smoked, ribbons of white curling up into the shimmering summer heat. Any other time he'd lounge back and let the nicotine course through his system, a momentary relief against the winding tightness that comes with being so hot, and so worried about you.

"If I ask you how you've been feeling lately, could you answer me?" he asks. "Without assuming I don't believe you. Don't get mad, just tell me."

You drop your shoulder against his. "I feel fine, I think. You know me, I– I worry too much, and work is overwhelming. If you took me to a doctor, he'd probably prescribe me ambien and a week in a dark room, but. I really don't think I'm making this up."

"I don't think you'd know," he says. Isn't that the deal? If you're having a hallucination of some kind, it would likely sound and feel real enough to trick you in some capacity.

"Trust me," you say. Your hair brushes against the top of his damp arm. He can't smell good, but you don't say a thing about it.

"I do." Eddie turns his head to take another drag. He blows the smoke as far from you as he can manage. "Tell me about last night," he says, eyes on the weather worn plating of the trailer. "What happened?"

If you're not messing with him, your ghost has been talking to you for a while now. Something happened last night to scare you in a way you hadn't been before.

He fights his rising nausea with a final drag on his cigarette. You stop leaning on him, hands back in your lap as you tell the story.

"I was listening to the stereo real loud while I did laundry. I don't know if I was trying to, you know, block it out if she started talking, I'm not stupid, I– I know it could be all in my head. I don't think it is, but I'm not stupid. I went down to the basement to swap the load out in the dryer, and while I was down there…"

You look like you don't know how to explain it. Eddie bites his cheek.

"She wrote me something," you say finally. "In my notebook, the one you got me for Christmas. She said hello."

"I could've written it," he says. "I don't remember, maybe I left you a message in it knowing you'd find it."

"Did you come in and take it off the shelf, too?" you ask gently. "Eddie, I know your handwriting. I'm not making this up."

He sighs, rubs his face with both hands, the smell of smoke and salt ingrained in the lines of his palms. He gives himself a long five seconds scrubbing at his stubbly jaw and wishing it was colder, then he shoots up onto his feet and pulls open the door.

"Early night," he says decisively. "If you're still sure there's a ghost in the morning, I'll come over. See if she'll talk to me too. How does that sound?"

You hold your hand out. Eddie takes it, hoisting you up.

"It sounds like you need a better strategy for getting girls to go to bed with you."

"It's working, isn't it?"

"Loser."

—

You wake up to Eddie tapping your shoulder.

"Come on, sweetheart," he says quietly, his voice rough as hewn stone. "I made you pancakes."

It's as if you're submerged at the bottom of a shallow pool. Sound and heat and sunlight reach you, but it's dull. It takes you a second to understand what Eddie's saying, and why his thumb is rubbing into your shoulder.

"Come on," he says again, "'fore they get cold."

You blink. Blink blink blink. Your throat hurts and you have a bad taste in your mouth. Your eyes feel like somebody flicked sand at you while you slept, gritty and dry. You kick the thin blanket away from you, a long day of writhing in the heat yesterday having turned you to sludge, your limbs limp and uncooperative.

Eddie's frowning at you when you look up.

"Want me to get you a rag?" he asks.

"No, I'll wash my face." Your words string together like toffee melted between them and hardened again while you weren't looking. "Oh," you murmur, wincing as you set your feet on the ground. "My back really hurts. Did you push me out of bed last night?"

"You slept like a log. Same position all night." He reaches for you, but his hand wavers. He must change his mind.

Eddie leaves the door wide open as he leaves. The radio is on, and a song he secretly loves but won't admit to wars with the sound of sizzling oil. If you strain, you can hear him humming. You get closer and dip into the bathroom, the door open so you can listen to Eddie sing the chorus.

Dance with me, I want to be your partner, can't you see? The music is just starting.

He doesn't sing well, really. It's a light, high-pitched rendition. He isn't trying. He feels comfortable enough around you to be unapologetically mediocre, and it's somehow sweeter than if he had a voice like Larry Hoppen.

You wash your face with handfuls of cold water, your lips tasting of salt as it drips down your nose to your neck, rogue rivulets of run-off seeping into your rolled sleeves.

The heat broke overnight. A light rain patters soundlessly against the windows, and the back door has been propped open in the kitchen to let in the smell of fresh churned earth. Petrichor.

You pat your tacky face dry. Eddie turns to the sound, and you nod at Wayne's empty seat.

"Where's your uncle?" you ask.

"He wanted to get epoxy and a fresh roll of duct tape in case we spring another leak. The rain was pretty bad last night, I think he's worried it'll rot the ceiling. I don't know. Don't worry, I made him something first."

You sit down and let Eddie serve you a stack of pancakes. The ones on the very top are piping hot. You slather them in butter and maple syrup as he sits down next to you, a plate of his own in hand.

"How's your back?" he asks. He's being too soft with you.

"I saw a ghost, Eds, I'm not dying." You slice down the pancakes with the side of your fork, attempting to act unbothered. "Worst case scenario, I'm schizophrenic."

Eddie sits down in the chair next to yours. It's a small table but there's ample room. His proximity is a choice. "Worst case scenario, you're being targeted by an evil demon, but schizophrenia could also be really bad," he says. "S'why I'm worried."

"Eddie." You put down your fork, swallowing a half-chewed mouthful roughly. "Hey. If it's my head, I'll go to the doctor and I'll let them take care of it and everything will be fine." You have no way of knowing if what you're saying is true. Mental illness isn't easy. You're just saying what you think he needs to hear without outright lying. "I'll take the meds and you'll be there for me. But I'm fine. And you're being weird."

"You're trying to piss me off."

A little. Pissed is better than anxious. You'd rather give him something to glare at than a reason to twist himself into knots. "You're easily riled," you jest.

His eyebrows rise. He eats his pancakes and you your own, the wrinkled knees of your pyjamas rubbing against one another as he jigs his leg along to the song on the radio. The rain starts to worsen, fat droplets slapping the screen door like the thwack of a bullet. From your seat, you can see the sky dark with grey clouds, the sun a long forgotten foe. The humidity has been cut in half, which is to say bad but not unbearable. Last night, if you'd been awake to feel it, the rain would've been warm in your palm. Getting up to close the door now, you nudge the ajar screen wide with your foot, letting some of the rain lash your arms and face.

You sigh at the chilly coldness of each blessed drop.

"Heatwave from hell is finally over."

"Thank fuck for that. Let's hope it's miserably cold for weeks," Eddie says.

It's mid September —summer has said goodbye with one last fierce kiss. By October, you'll be wrapping yourselves up in throw blankets on the couch on the porch, or hiding inside with Wayne's special pasta (buttered noodles and green pesto for the 'brave') watching slashers on Eddie's blurry TV. The humidity will be nothing but a gross memory.

You wash your plates and Eddie lets you shower first. You have your own shampoo in the corner, and a rose scented body wash Eddie buys but doesn't use (but it isn't for you, idiot, why would he buy you something so expensive? He got it by mistake). You could draw the cracks in their shower tiles with your eyes closed, and the condensation that clings to the cold water pipe, that's how many times you've been in here. You finish quickly, dry quicker, and pull fresh clothes over your still-clammy skin.

You tap Eddie in. He's somehow even faster than you were, and you swap places in his room. While he's changing, you dry the bathroom walls with a towel as soon as he's out, knowing the small room has a propensity for dampness.

"Stop cleaning my fucking house," he says when you traipse back into his room, his head hanging upside down as he towel dries his curls.

You forgo your usual explanations and tell the truth. "I know you're perfectly capable. I like helping, that's all."

"I know. Ugh, you suck. Do you have any deodorant?"

You grin and pull your deodorant out of your bag, a new-ish stick of Teen Spirit. Eddie sees it and sighs, obviously unprepared to smell like Pink Crush for the rest of the day. "I have like, half an inch left of Caribbean Cool. Coconut?" you offer.

He goes with the coconut scent. The wall of privacy between you has eroded to a scrap of paper after so long living in each other's laps, but you feel guilty for looking at him, the shifting muscle beneath the skin of his arms and chest stealing your focus. If Eddie were to see you without your shirt, you doubt he'd find himself anywhere near as distracted. He'd look if you let him because that's the way he is, unaffected by simple intimacies, but when you tell him to face the door it doesn’t aggrieve him. Most of the time he’s already averted his eyes.

"Gotta add that to the list of shit we need. Have you seen my shoes?"

"Your white sneakers are in the hallway. One of your converse is under the bed, but it's hard to say about the other." You swallow a sudden lump. "Are we going shirtless?"

Eddie does not go shirtless. He pulls a shirt on that thankfully has sleeves, and then a zip up hoodie under his leather jacket. You didn't think to bring a coat yourself due to the extreme baking temperature of the day before. You're lucky you had clean clothes here, considering you hadn't intended to spend the night. Or, not lucky, loved. One of the Munson’s has washed what you’ve left behind.

You have a momentary lapse as Eddie puts his shoes on, trekking into the bathroom to look in the mirror. It's no secret that you aren't pretty. You can make a good effort, and you keep it classy, stay clean, but you aren't pretty, not by your own opinion.

Eddie knows everything about you (nearly). He knows you don't think much of yourself. And a younger version of him had comforted you as earnestly as an awkward teenage boy could manage, but these days he goes for the root of the problem. He still tells you that you're pretty occasionally, or rather, "Looking good, babe," but not today.

"Hey." Eddie looks you up and down. "What's wrong?"

"I look stupid." You glance at your legs. Why does everything look so weird on you?

He hooks his arm through yours and starts to drag you down the hallway to the front door, sideways like two crabs. "No."

"Yeah, I do, and people are gonna think I do, too."

"Who cares what other people think?" And there's grown-up Eddie's rhetoric, Who gives a fuck what other people think?

"Me," you say.

You understand exactly what it is he's trying to do: free you from the anxiety of overthinking. It doesn't work as often as you wish it would, but he gives it a good go.

"No, you don't. We don't care what other people think because it doesn't affect us." He doesn't make light, exactly, but his eyes are bright and his smile is sweet as he opens the front door and gestures for you to go down first. Rain and wind are quick to kiss at your naked arms.

"What if they all think I'm some sort of slob?"

"Then they'd be wrong. It's okay for people to be wrong about us. That's their problem." More familiar argument. It actually does make you feel better, despite hearing it a hundred times before. "People are wrong all the time."

Eddie follows you down the first step and turns away to lock the door.

"Like you and my ghost," you say, trying to steer the conversation from your moment of weakness and into happy territory again. "You don't think she's real."

"Baby, I'd love it if you proved me wrong with that one." He jogs down the rest of the steps, knowing it’ll give you a conniption, the wet metal a death trap waiting to happen. “Go! Get in the van!”

You scramble across the grass and the curved pathway to the drive where the van is parked and yank open the passenger door with all your strength. The handle is notorious for sticking shut. When nothing happens, Eddie curses up a storm as he clambers into the driver's seat and over the console to force it open, giving it a good old-fashioned kick from the inside. It flies into your waiting hands and you rush up the step into the front of the van away from the rain that’s growing heavier and heavier by the hour.

“Well, glad I didn’t waste time letting it dry,” Eddie says, wringing his hair out over his lap. It only drips two or three drops, but it’s funny all the same. The top of his head shines like a dark halo. “About the ghost. Do you really believe in them?”

“You asked me last night–”

“I know, but last night you said you wouldn’t believe in one unless you saw it, and then proceeded to talk about it like it was real.”

“I’m agnostic about ghosts.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asks. He sticks the key in the ignition and turns it until the engine groans to life. The van was old when he got it. Now it’s super old.

“No. What’s agnostic mean?” you ask.

“We’ll buy a dictionary.”

“I kind of believe in ghosts. I believe in my ghost. If I ever see one, I’ll believe in all the ghosts. Shit, I sound stupid.”

“No, you don’t– you don’t! It’s okay to not know, I wasn’t trying to interrogate you about your personal beliefs.” He is a very responsible driver these days. He keeps his eyes on the road. His hand, however, strays to your arm. “You’re not stupid, superstar.”

“Don’t,” you plead. Superstar is a nickname that stuck despite your vehement disagreement with its origin and further usage. “It makes you sound like an old dad and I’m the son who just got benched at little league. Again.”

You stand as much as your seatbelt will allow and dig out the purse from the butt pocket of your jeans. “I’ll get gas.”

“Way too personal for our relationship.”

Bad, overused joke.

Eddie doesn’t want you to pay for gas, the same way he doesn’t want you paying for takeout or birthday presents. He hates ‘handouts’ —it took you a while to convince him that gas money isn’t a handout, it’s you trying to keep things fair. You know how it feels to need the money and not want to ask for it, so you put him in a position where he never has to ask.

Things are easier now. You’re not in high school anymore. Work doesn’t pay as well as you want it to, but it’s enough to get by, especially while you’re living in your childhood home with only partial bills to pay. Eddie isn’t hurting for money either. That’s something to be grateful for.

Eddie pulls into the gas station. He won’t let you pump while the wind is whipping, but you sprint into the gas station and trawl the fridge for the biggest drinks, sticking two cans of iced tea under your arm. The cold immediately eats into your naked skin. You jog to the counter to pay.

“Pump two, please,” you say, putting your cans down.

“Twelve dollars.”

You frown. Eddie only put ten dollars on the pump. Well, deducting your two cans of iced tea at 99 cents each, ten dollars and two cents. What an asshole.

You hold out a twenty dollar bill with a smile, and look out the window as you wait for your change. The rain is too heavy to see him, but you imagine Eddie drumming the wheel of the van with both hands. You shiver out a thanks as your change hits your palm, dropping it into your purse with your best receipts. There’s one for bowling (a triple defeat, Eddie a secret master), one for two whole frozen cheesecakes you’d eaten in bed a month ago with double-sized dessert spoons, a couple for Hawk theatre; Back to the Future II, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Ghostbusters II (‘89 was a great year for sequels). All your best memories printed on thermal paper.

“Holy shit I’m so cold,” you squeak, prying open the door without the aid of Eddie’s kick.

“You’re soaked, you fool. You want to go home first for a sweater?”

You close the door behind you and drop the iced tea into the console, grimacing at the great clang they make. Your seatbelt snaps into place around your soft middle, and without ceremony you’re back on the road for your original mission.

“No sweaters, Bradley’s. Stupid to double back.” You look at him from the corner of your eye. “I think we should get frozen pizza and extra toppings to put on them. And fries, obviously, and dessert.” The ghost won’t care. Probably.

“You forgot the side salad.”

“Forgot,” you say, laughing. “Why yes I did.”

“Dessert,” Eddie says, his turn now to make some decisions. “I want a slurpee real bad right now, so I’m thinking we buy a bag of ice for your food processor and get some syrup.”

“We could go get slurpees,” you say encouragingly. If that’s what he wants, why not?

“We have shit to do,” he says, smiling so much his dimples peek out. “Ghosts to convene with, notebooks to analyse. Feasts to prepare.” He looks deeply speculative. You assume he’s thinking about the maybe-ghost, but he says, “Why are we getting frozen pizza? They have those pre-packaged ones now that are basically fresh.”

“They taste the same.”

“Liar, the bottom of the frozen ones go soggy and the cheese burns on the crust. You know that I’m right, don’t give me dish.”

“Aren’t you always?”

Eddie has a horrible tendency to be right about things. Maybe that's why you hadn't told him about the ghost for so long, because you'd wanted to handle it yourself without his explanatory assurances. You’re the worrier and he’s the one who always sets it straight.

What if I make a fool of myself? you've asked him once.

I’ll make one of myself, too.

What if they fire me?

We’ll get you a new job with me cleaning up after idiots.

What if it never goes away?

It will.

What if body snatchers get us while we’re sleeping?

That one made him smile. The fondest upturn of a pretty mouth, not an expression you often see. Then they get us, he’d said, whispering across the pillows, face only partially visible in the struggling light of the TV. It’ll be awesome. Me and you. No brains, no worries. Just lettuce heads forever.

You watch him beating along to a song you aren’t privy to against the wheel. He hadn’t seemed to mind the idea of losing his mind with you back then. He doesn’t believe you now, but that’s because he hasn’t heard her voice. The whistling wind warping itself into coherent syllables. Reaching for you, a dark slice of sound.

Eddie… has… a secret…

You look at your lap, tamping down a shudder at the sensation of ice riding your spine.

Don’t we all?

—

Eddie feels you’ve been overly relaxed about the situation at hand. He doesn’t want to back you into a box and declare a health crisis, but he’s been thinking up possible illnesses while you weigh the pros and cons of pizza toppings in case he has to take you to see someone. He’s not sure how gas lines work but he’s sure a quick phone call to the Munson landline could clear it up for him. Perhaps the most effective test of all for carbon monoxide poisoning would be to subject himself to the same circumstances. He’ll spend a few days at home with you and see how he feels afterward. If push comes to shove he’ll light a match and see what catches.

On the inside, Eddie’s panicking about your mental health and, admittedly, the slim reality of a supernatural presence. On the outside, he’s playing along with your unconcerned dinner plans and aimless chatter. If you want to pretend that today is the same as any other day, he's prepared to let you. He won’t do the same, but he won’t discourage you, either.

You cut through one of the home aisles toward the front of the store with a heavy basket on your elbow, Eddie hot on your heels. He grabs a pocket dictionary from the display to his left and hurries to keep up with you.

You’re shivering. “I really didn’t think it would rain,” you say.

Eddie looks past the registers to the glass doors at the front of the store where rain pelts with a force bordering on stormy weather. If it gets much worse than this, he'll insist you both go back to Munson headquarters and hunker up to wait it out.

“The weather,” Eddie mumbles, unlike himself. “Are we expecting a storm? Maybe we should grab a cart and get some basics. Crate of water.”

“Okay, we can do that. Are you worried?”

“Kind of.”

He meets your eyes. He loves your eyes. He knows you don’t. You're not insecure in a way he feels he can fix —if he can fix any of it. It’s like you dissociate, for lack of a better word, from the things you can’t love. You don’t look in the mirror, won’t let him take photographs of you. You don’t say it. You call yourself stupid, weird, silly. Never ugly.

But he knows.

And now this whole ghost business. Eddie needs to think of something he can say to you that will inspire a better level of honesty going forward.

“How long have you been speaking to the ghost?” he asks.

You grin at a conveniently abandoned shopping cart at the end of the aisle and slide toward it on squealing shoes. You look around broadly for an owner, and when they don’t appear you place your basket in the stomach of it. The only thing remaining from whoever used it beforehand is a small tray of four cupcakes.

“Four. One for you, three for me,” you say, ignoring his question with a smug giggle.

Eddie loves you in a way not many people can love someone else, the kind of love that takes years of patience and acceptance and sweetness to take root, kind of love you only feel after seeing someone at their best, worst, and weirdest — memories come thick and fast whenever he thinks about the sheer years you’ve spent together, seeds of affection long germinated and rearing to grow. You, throwing up behind a Denny’s with sick in your hair, crying so hard you couldn’t catch your breath, and when you could, asking him if he wouldn’t mind buying you a new t-shirt to wear in the car as though you were some dastardly imposition, and not his sick best friend. You, on top of the world, surrounded by people who loved you with a birthday cake in front of you, eyes brighter than the blinking flames of each dripping candle. You, in pyjamas too tight, too loose, old or brand new with your hair up, down, washed, and greasy, your lips chapped, bruised then healed, parted against one of his pillows as you slept, as you yawned, as you laughed, talked. No matter what you’re wearing, saying or doing, you, in his bed, completely at home.

Eddie has a thousand images of you in his head and they all fight to play again, like a VHS on constant rewind, or a movie with duplicated film, double, triple exposed. Before even an inkling of a crush had ever come around, he loved you. That's why it doesn’t really matter that he can’t kiss you. He can’t imagine loving you more than this.

Sometimes, sometimes… you put your leg over his and your thigh spreads out across the top of his, and he has to beg himself not to want to touch you. He wonders if you’d mind. Eddie thinks about asking so often it turns into its own fantasy. He knows what cadence his voice would take, the exact grit and warmth, his hand waiting on your knee and aching to inch downward.

You pull him from his sickly introspection with a poke. Your fingernail dents his shirt precisely atop a small beauty mark. He doesn’t know if you know what you’re doing, if you’ve seen his naked chest enough times to realise that there’s a mole right there an inch shy of his belly button, if you’d ever looked at him in so much detail.

“Transmission incoming,” you say, your fingers flattening over his abdomen, your palm hovering apart. Like the pole of an opposite magnet, it refuses to connect. “Chirp. Houston, we’ve been attempting to connect with Astronaut Munson. He is unresponsive. Let us know when you make contact again.” You smile at him ruefully. “Damn moon keeps dropping signal.”

“Sorry… Astronaut Munson? Do they call astronauts astronauts? I thought it was commander.”

“I don’t know, Eddie, I haven’t brushed up on NASA related job titles lately.” Your deadpan wanes, replaced with a genuine concern. “Are you okay? You really did get lost.”

“I’m just thinking about, you know– Your ghost,” he lies. The ghost should be his highest concern, and for the most part it is, but he’d let his attention get pulled along by other things.

That’s the thing about love. It feels much more important in the moment than anything else, even when it shouldn’t.

“You’re super worried about the ghost.”

“It is an uber worrying ghost.”

“‘Cause she talks?” you ask.

“Well, yeah. Most of the time you just get, like, blurs on night vision cameras or the general malignant presence of the thing. Not words.” Not questions concerning your best friend.

“Casper talks and he’s gorgeous,” you say. “A true sweetheart.”

“Doesn’t Casper have to protect Lucy from his evil ghost uncles?”

“Who the fuck is Lucy?”

“The girl. Lucy and Johnny.”

“Bonnie?”

“Oh. That sounds right. But her name doesn’t matter,” Eddie insists. “My point was that the bad ghosts outweigh the good three to one. That’s more than half, you realise.”

“His name is Casper the Friendly Ghost,” you say, shrugging. Eddie hopes you know where it is in the store you’re going to. He hasn’t looked away from your face for the last twenty minutes. “It’s in the name.”

“But your ghost isn’t Casper,” Eddie says.

“No. My ghost isn’t Casper, but she hasn’t tried to kill me. She would have written something threatening in my notebook or knocked all the books off of my shelf if she were evil.”

Eddie frowns. You’ve steered him around the store like you’ve never been here before, changing your mind after turns to go down the opposite aisle, murmuring about bottled water. He reaches for your hand on the shopping cart rail and can’t resist squeezing it as he pulls it away.

“I got it,” he says.

He swears that your expression flickers. Worry breaking through the closed shutters of your blasé.

You’re not so chatty as you follow him toward the back of Bradley’s where they keep the big jugs of water. He grabs one, thinks back to the bad weather and grabs another. It’s unlikely that you’ll need them, but Eddie would rather be safe than sorry. “Do you have a lamp?” he asks. “An oil lamp? Or a flashlight?”

“I have a flashlight,” you confirm. “Is it really so bad? Uh, I don’t wanna ask again, but I– maybe I could–”

Eddie wants to pull your face into his chest. He thinks about it. Would he have hugged you like that a year ago, before the butterflies and the late nights daring to think of the dough of your thighs or the column of your throat when you tip your head back? He might’ve. It would mean something different, but he might’ve.

He throws an arm around your shoulder and gives you a good shake. “What is wrong with you? If it gets any worse, you’re staying with me. I’m only asking about a flashlight in case we have one of those worst case scenarios and get stuck in your haunted house. I refuse to die like the jocks in a b-rated horror.”

“The jocks or the whore? Isn’t it the girl who sleeps around that gets murdered in the dark?” you ask.

“Super unfair. I sleep around, do I deserve to die?” he asks, dropping his arm.

You mime stabbing him in the gut. Everyone's so violent.

Eddie is amazingly unharmed as he gets you to the register. You try to fight him on who’s paying, but you’re an idiot who insisted on getting gas. It’s the leverage he needs to win. Out of Bradley’s and back into the rain with grocery bags double bagged, you run for the van and thrust the spoils of your shopping trip in the passenger seat footwell. Eddie opens the side door to lug the water jugs inside and you take the cart back to the front of the store against his wishes.

He waits for you to be in arms reach and gets back in the van. You’re soaked to the bone. He’s cold in three layers, so you must be freezing. He shrugs off his sopping wet leather jacket and then the zip hoodie underneath, draping the zip hoodie over your lap and chest and then rushing to put his leather jacket on again.

“Thank you, good sir,” you laugh.

He’s already fiddling with the air conditioning. Heat bursts from the left vent but not the right, leaving you in a cold bubble. “Shit, I’m sorry, the right vent’s still busted. Ol’ Beauville keeps letting us down.”

“Don’t hate on the Beauville!” you scold through chattering teeth.

“You're dying,” he says. “Hold on, I’m gonna do ninety.”

“Do not speed!”

You get to the road outside of your place without any hydroplaning. You live on a regular American street in a two-story semi-detached house not too far from Hawkins High school with your guardian, who isn’t home very often. It has three bedrooms, one bathroom, and a lot of white walls. You often lament that the house doesn’t really feel like your own, and punctuate with a giddy laugh he doesn’t understand but adores nonetheless.

Eddie parks his van on the long gravel driveway as close to the house as he can get it and ushers you inside with your keys. You’re cold enough to listen without complaint.

He puts the groceries in the kitchen on the countertops and kicks off his shoes, intending on putting them away when he’s sure you aren’t in any danger of hypothermia. He kicks off his shoes by the door, locks it tight, and starts up the carpeted stairs to your room.

He’s not surprised to find you half-naked, but overfamiliar, affectionate friendship doesn’t necessarily mean you like being seen. He averts his gaze from your naked legs and tries desperately to think about anything but underwear. The more he tries not to think about them, the worse it gets.

“Hey,” he says, covering his eyes so you know he isn’t perving, “our horror flick just got dirty.”

“Yikes,” you say. “Don’t look.”

“I’m not, I’m not. You could’ve closed the door. You know, spare me a guilty conscience.” Then, because he just can’t help himself, “When did you start wearing fancy panties?”

“Fuck off, Eddie,” you laugh.

“Do I have to make the switch to tighty whities?”

“Our underwear choices do not concern one another.” You trek toward him. He peeks through two spread fingers and finds you thankfully reclothed in dry sweatpants and a sweater soft with age. “I thought tighty whities hurt your–” You raise your eyebrows.

He regrets being honest with you when you were teenagers. A little secrecy might help repaint him in your mind as less of a huge loser. You could possibly find him attractive if you weren't privy to the numerous embarrassments that make up his life, he thinks.

He chokes on his own tongue and dies right there in your bedroom. “Why do you remember shit like that?”

“Same reason you keep a heat pack in your room in case I get all crampy,” you say.

You give him one of your sick smiles —you have to know what you’re doing, you have to— and drape your arms over his shoulders, nearly knocking him down with the sudden addition of your weight. He, stunned, plants a foot behind himself so you don’t both trip and fall on your asses.

The plane of your back beckons beneath your sweater. What he’d give to slip a hand under the hem to explore the ridge of your shoulder blade with his fingertips.

A quiet ensues. Your hug turns from a joking attempt to push him around a bit to a real one. He steel-arms your waist, tightening them around you three times in quick succession, nose buried in your hair to steal a deep breath.

“This where the ghost talks to you?” he asks, looking over your head into the chaos of your room. It’s not dirty, but it isn’t tidy, either.

You sigh too much like a moan for his sanity and stand up tall, your hands trailing down his chest unthinkingly as you follow his gaze. “Yeah. I don’t know if we’ll hear her over the rain. It has to be really quiet.”

“What are you doing? Experiments?” he asks. He sounds as distracted by it all as he feels.

“No. Something I noticed, is all.”

“I don’t get why you didn’t tell me the first time it happened,” he confesses, voice dropping to a murmur.

“Um… remember senior year, you kept missing class because you had all those doctors appointments?” You smile sheepishly. “‘N’ you didn’t tell me about it until after you knew you were okay?”

During his first senior year, Eddie found a small cyst in his arm. Small compared to other cysts, large in his arm. He worried it was malicious, or rather Wayne worried and Eddie didn’t know what he thought about it until after they’d cut it out. It had been a thankfully speedy affair in a doctors office they couldn’t afford. Eddie didn’t tell you about it until he’d been all stitched up and tested — he tried, but then he would imagine the look on your face when he did, and it made him feel like his intestines had learned to jump rope.

He still remembers when he finally told you, the split second between, “a tumour,” and “but it’s not cancer.” The relief on your face. The shock of upset tears it caused.

“I guess I was trying to be good to you,” you say, shrugging and starting down the stairs.

Eddie follows. “If something like that happened again to me, god forbid,” —he dips into a melodramatic voice, scared of the sombre mood that’s descended— “I wouldn’t keep it to myself. I’d make it your problem instantly.”

Every now and then, Wayne will lean over the back of Eddie’s chair at the breakfast table and grab an arm, feeling for a tiny bump that hasn’t come back. You’d done the same in your own way: you wrote ‘check for lesions :D’ on a piece of paper and taped it to his bedroom doorway. It fell off ages ago, but he occasionally gets déjà vu as he leaves the room. And as he walks down the hallway, he’ll roll up his sleeve and check that there's nothing there.

Eddie didn’t tell you senior year. A lingering abandonment issue, maybe, ‘cause Dad didn’t stay when things got hard, who cares? He doesn’t think about that shit anymore. Figures the mark it left was enough. But these days, he’d tell you if he found a lump in his arm, or a ghost in his room. Your scribbled note made sure of that.

"Are you listening to me?" he asks.

"You'd make it my problem," you provide. "Tell me something I don't know."

He grabs you by the shoulders at the bottom of the stairs and blows into your ear.

With the lights on and the radio at a low volume, the rain outside doesn't seem nearly as imposing. The kitchen is small with a long strip light above that gives the room a near clinical white cast, the countertops shining clean, not a plate in the sink. It's evident how much time you don't spend here. No photos on the fridge, no salt or pepper shakers on the table. Where Eddie and Wayne have their insane mug collection made up of states and hours and way too much money in some cases, you have four black coffee mugs in a tower stack by the seldom used machine. Where they have a corkboard of photographs, Polaroids and printouts from Walmart off of rinky-dink digital cameras, you have one photo on the wall, a professionally done portrait of you from the day you graduated and Eddie, unfortunately, did not.

Eddie's grad pictures are much less robotic. Too much eyeliner but just enough you, he has his arm thrown over your shoulders in the back of a grungy restaurant, his smile blisteringly bright. He might as well have written 'Thank Fuck' across his forehead. There's another one of him and Hellfire Club at the time, blurry with the flash making him pale as snow. You and Wayne had been trying to make the camera focus, twin scowls on your faces. Eddie's expression was one of pure joy.

He tried to make up for your shitty grad pics by celebrating your first job with a pack of Polaroids. You'd looked adorably strange in the uniform, so young but so done with his shit, eighteen and exhausted. He keeps one in his room in the bottom of the box with all his rings and chains. If you ever found it, he'd think about drowning himself.

Your appointment with a ghost waits until after dinner. You pull your frozen pizzas out of their boxes and put them in the oven (you don't preheat, which Eddie thinks is a questionable choice, but he'd help you get away with murder). While they defrost and start to cook, you slice and dice your extra toppings on the wooden chopping board beside the stovetop. He stands there with his hands washed and nothing to do. Just watches you cut up jalapeños for him and thinks about how he's going to take care of you if the ghost doesn't speak up. Does he tell your guardian? You're an adult. All your healthcare would be private and confidential. Could he tell Wayne? Would that be a betrayal?

"Check the pizzas?" You scrape the seeds out of a jalapeño, eyes pinched in concentration.

Eddie doesn't know if he can eat. You aren't as out of it as you were at the store, but you aren't fully present. A song you love plays on the radio and it's like you don't hear it.

He pulls the pizzas from the oven. He makes a smiley face out of pepperoni and jalapeños, earning half as big a smile as he thought he would from you in response.

Together, you clean the small mess you made. The pizzas brown. When they're done you take them out, cut them up, plate them, and carry them up to your room on a tray with a two litre bottle of sprite and two plastic cups. Eddie changes into a pair of his pyjama pants that you keep at the bottom of your dresser before he sits on your bed, wide-eyed when he sees how many slices you've managed in his absence.

"Nobody's gonna take it away from you," he teases lightly.

"Can't be too careful 'round you," you say, dropping a crust onto his plate. It's his favourite part.

"Thought you wanted fries?"

"And I thought you wanted a side salad."

"I wanted snow cone syrup," he says, shrugging.

He considers offering to go make you some fries anyway, but he takes a big bite of pizza and it tastes so good he forgets about it. Eddie doesn't know nothing about nothing, but if he had a say, he'd make it so that he and you could spend the rest of your lives doing this, meaningless jabbering over greasy food. It's not a good idea —you need vegetables that aren't on pizza, and fresh grains, and who knows what else to stay healthy— but Eddie's never claimed he had them. He wants this.

He gets it most of the time, but he's selfish. He wants it every night. He loves Wayne but he wants to come home to you, or to have you come home to him, in a space that you decorated, a life that you made. He wants a dog and a pet fish and, in five years or ten or never, a baby if it's what you want too. A front door lined with three pairs of shoes.

He also wants a limousine that takes him from place to place and a room full of thousand dollar guitars. A man can dream.

The first port of call for any dream is making sure you're okay. Let the ghostly stakeout begin.

Sated and sick at once, Eddie puts your empty tray on the dresser and goes to turn on the TV. "She won't talk if the TV's on," you interrupt.

"Ugh. Any chance she likes the stereo?"

You slouch down where you'd been sitting and shake your head. Your jaw goes soft, eyes softer when you smile. "It's not all bad. She doesn't care how loud you turn a page."

Eddie can't be with you every second of the day, the same way you can't be with him. There are shifts to take, shifts to cover, dungeons to pilfer and dragons to slay. You have your job, your other friends (none as handsome as he is), your hobbies. How often are you home alone, talking to ghosts?

He stands by your bookshelf, eyes skipping over the titles in slight disinterest.

"Hey," he asks, "where's your notebook? I wanna see her handwriting."

"I left it on the top shelf."

Eddie stares. There are a few other notebooks and sketchbooks aligned here, but not the one you'd described.

"You sure?" he asks.

"I left it right there,” you say with a yawn.

Eddie looks at you from over his shoulder. You’re tired. He figures he can see the notebook later, and offer you some remedial comfort now. Anything to wipe the frown off of your face.

He grabs a book off of your shelf at random and cracks it open. You love being read to. You'd beg and beg him growing up, and he'd almost always oblige.

"Can I read aloud, or does she hate that too?" he asks, turning away from your shelf.

"I've never tried it."

"I'll do it quietly?"

"Sure," you say, a tired but pleased smile on your lips. "I've read that one before."

"Should I get a different one?"

"No, it's good. It's the one I told you about with the demons who eat stars."

"The dirty one?" he asks, dropping like a stone near the top of your bed, the blankets under his hip warm from the residual heat of the pizza plates.

"It's not dirty. There's one scene toward the end where they get handsy, no graphic detail."

"And by no graphic detail, you mean…"

"No graphic detail," you repeat. It's awful how funny you find each other.

"Not even, like… hand stuff?"

"Do you want there to be hand stuff?"

"With the demons?"

You devolve into giggles, the kind that start slow and thicken into a giddy sort of breathlessness, your head supported by the headboard. Eddie looks up at you in awe.

"I could be into that," Eddie furthers, stretching your laughter as long as it will go. "Are they the kind that look like people but with extra arms or wings or something?"

"You'd like that, huh? Extra arms?"

"I wouldn't be opposed to extra arms."

"Gross," you cheer through another wave of laughter. "I don't wanna think about it."

Eddie looks to the book's first page and tamps down a grimace. You don't wanna think about him in that sort of position.

Eddie, excluding any extra appendages, thinks of you like that more than he should. Never when you're near, not if he can help it, but at night when the hot shower water beating down against his back can be shaped into the vague sensation of a body behind him, he thinks of your chest. Your hands. Or in the early mornings, when he's writhed into a contortionist’s ball and the streaking sunlight through the curtains is kissing his abdomen, he imagines it's your leg thrown across his hip, with your face turned into his chest.

Fuck, it kills him, because he knows what the real thing feels like. He's had you clinging to his waist on colder nights, and he's been under your hands. Tipsy, free with your touches, he's felt the breadth of your palms cupping his cheeks.

You're pretty, you'd told him, as you love to tell him when you've been drinking, but you need a haircut.

He never would've let you kiss him in that state, but he kids himself into thinking you wanted to. It was only booze doing what booze does.

"Read to me, serf," you demand.

Eddie clears his throat.

"The enemy is close," Eddie reads, "and the lane is overrun. Sympathy for the second kind had felt natural to Mellissa once, but now that she sees the sharp angling of their shoulders in the dawn light, she aches with hatred…"

The novel isn't bad. It isn't Eddie's favourite; the tone falls flat, and the main character's actions aren't fed by any particular emotion. Its first arc is formulaic, and soon the hero's forced to answer the call. You evidently find his rehashing tedious, as your head tips toward his head, and you wriggle your way down to his shoulder amicably.

"Don't fall asleep," he says.

"It's your whispering."

"I don't want to disturb the ghost."

"Okay." You start to pick at your nails, little scratches against the cuticle. "I won't fall asleep."

—

Your snores aren't gentle. You're a human being and Eddie doesn't expect you to breathe like a princess, but the wheeze is concerning.

He waits for you to settle down, easing your head onto the pillow. Your airway clears, and your snoring quietens to the same ambient level as the rain hitting the window outside. He feels your head for a temperature carefully. Back of his hand, fingers curled in so his ring can't startle you, he tries to gauge if you're running a fever.

It isn't normal for you to cat nap in the middle of the day, but the sun is occluded by dark clouds and the rain blots out what's left, leaving the bedroom in darkness, and you'd been warm and fed and Eddie had been doing something monotonous. It makes sense that you'd drifted off. Eddie wishes he felt tired too, so he could slide down under the sheets with you and curl a hand around your wrist.

He lies on his back, arms crossed over his chest, straining his ears for the sound of a voice.

I swear, sometimes, I can hear someone talking.

You have a vent in your room, and perhaps a couple of late nights after your shifts had you mistaking a groaning foundation or the wind for a whisper. That's a thing, right? People hear something in the wind. Fatigue has your mind playing tricks on you. Eddie should go to the library and see if they have anything to do with sleep deprivation.

It's no fun listening for ghosts. Eddie's shoulders and upper back begin to feel tense. The feeling travels lower, a snaking ache that wraps around each vertebrae. Even his tailbone hurts.

He shifts onto his side and stares at your closed eyes. He blows a breath at you to watch your lashes flutter like tufts of grass in the breeze.

Your breaths are like a metronome. He syncs his to yours for kicks, just listening. When you're both asleep, does your breath sync on its own? How do your bodies react to each other? Eddie has woken up to your arms around him or your body halfway across the bed, leg falling out from under the covers. You're irregular, where he has a tendency to grab at you while he's knocked out. He doesn't wrap his arms around you so much as hold you in his hands. His fingers curl in the hem of your t-shirts or bracelet your bicep. If he falls asleep with an arm above your head, he'll occasionally wake to find his hand at the top of it, your hair mussed.

He must be stroking it in his sleep.

Or maybe you're frizzy.

No shame in frizziness. Eddie's frizzy more often than not. Curly hair is hard to take care of and he has a lot of it. God knows it was worse before he started seeing that hairdresser in the city who makes magic happen with her thinning shears.

Your lips part.

Thunder cracks outside.

Eddie lifts his head to look out of the window in surprise. Summer days have come to pass and sunset comes earlier in the day, fractals of light bouncing between the violent rain. In an hour or two, it will be pitch black outside.

He should call Wayne and see what's happening. How he is, and if he thinks Eddie should come home and bring you, too.

Eddie clambers off of the bed, careful not to wake you. He slides across your hardwood floor and takes the empty dinner tray with him down the spongy carpeting of your stairs, back to hardwood in the hallway, and finally onto the freezing cold linoleum of your kitchen.

He locates the source of chill quickly. The window in front of the sink has unlatched. It's the thing you call him over for most; when you want to hang out you go to Eddie's, when the window won't close Eddie comes here.

His shirt hikes as he leans against the sink, his abdomen pressed to the cold countertop as he yanks the window and twists the handle the wrong way, goosebumps climbing his arms. It groans in resistance, but Eddie knows from experience that it’ll stay closed for a while.

He takes the liberty of turning your thermostat up as he waits for Wayne to answer the phone, coiled cord pulled taut.

Wayne isn't too bothered by the weather, "It's not a hurricane. A storm, sure– you'll be fine. But by all means, come home if you're scared."

"I'm not scared, jerk, I'm concerned."

He winds the cord around his arm, leaning in when Wayne's voice is hard to hear like it'll make a difference.

"...might go out," Wayne's saying, "call me, or call around Roger's… get back to… warm."

"Where the fuck are you? I can't hear a thing you're saying."

"Don't cuss at me. I'm with Roger, that's why I said to call Roger if I don't answer, he has that new pool table…" Anything Wayne says after that is garbled, like he has a hand pressed over his mouth.

“I thought Roger had a broken leg?” Eddie says. “How’s he getting around?”

“He hops. I left money in the bread bin for you, did you see it?”

“No, I didn’t see it. Wayne, we’ve talked about this before, I’m working. I appreciate it, I do, but I don’t need you giving me money.”

Whatever Wayne says at first gets eaten by static. Eddie doesn’t know if it’s your phone or the Munson’s. He doesn’t need to hear what Wayne’s saying to get the general gist of it. “…water bill..”

This again? Eddie paid the water bill. He thought he’d be allowed to do that, considering he uses the majority of the water, but it’s been a great point of contention between them.

“I’m sorry!” he says. “If I knew it would bother you so bad I wouldn’t have done it. But I don’t want it back, I’m not a kid anymore, half the time you don’t let me pay for groceries–”

“This might shock you, son, but I’ve been paying for you to eat for a decade. I ever complained? No, ‘cause it’s my job, and I don’t want you thinking any…” the words scratch out. Eddie guesses what he’s saying.

The broken phone is starting to irritate him.

He holds in his argument. Call it respect, love, whatever you want. “I’m not saying that! Listen,” —Eddie laughs to himself, words wrought with it like bubbles— “you’re senile.”

“You weasel–” The phone gives up. Whooshing air is all Eddie hears.

"I can't deal with this. I love you, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Eddie asks, rubbing the space between his eyebrows.

"Yeah, love you too, kid. Eddie–"

He doesn't catch the end of Wayne's sentence. The line goes dead. He pulls the shiny receiver from his ear and frowns at it.

Wayne was probably just telling Roger and the guys what Eddie was up to. Or what he thinks Eddie's up to, at least. Eddie told him via note that you wanted help rearranging your bedroom furniture. A small lie, but he didn't want to expose you to any outward judgement until he's sure himself what's going on.

Eddie hangs the phone on the hook. He grabs your plates, throwing the meagre leftovers in the trash and dumping the plates in the sink. He turns on the hot faucet and grabs a sponge and the dish soap and gets to work cleaning. It takes him all of five minutes, and he's oh so smug about being a decent person that he doesn't notice the chill.

He dries the plates and puts them in the cabinet across the room with his back to the sink. The dishes clatter together loudly, like a gunshot in the silence. He winces internally and tries to be gentler closing the cabinet door.

The hum of the kitchen light catches his attention. He looks up, unsurprised to find a bug crawling inside of the plastic covering that shields the long bulb. A moth, Eddie thinks, it's fuzz silhouetted in shadow. He doesn't really like moths, but he also doesn't wanna watch one die.

The rain seems worse when he turns off the light. Your kitchen faces out into the backyard, and through the night Eddie can see the house that's behind yours with its porch lights on. It turns the rain to quicksilver, and provides just enough illumination for Eddie to look up at the kitchen light and know what he's doing.

He drags a chair to the middle of the room and steps onto it. It's disturbingly slippery. Thankfully, Eddie doesn't plan on doing any acrobatics. He reaches up to the warm plastic light covering and feels along for the ridges to pry it off. One ridge clicks off, and another. He leans precariously toward the other side and feels for the third and forth ridge when thunder rumbles outside, and somewhere in the distance lightning flashes.

Eddie flinches but doesn't fall. "Fuck," he mumbles. Pussy.

The plastic falls into his hands and Eddie climbs off of the chair as quickly as he can. It's too hot to handle, banging against the kitchen table as he chucks it down. He'd turned off the light thinking the plastic would cool down fast, and he’d been proven very wrong.

"Shit," he mumbles some more. Your neighbour's porch light turns off, leaving him in total darkness.

Eddie’s hand aches from his mild burn. It's like whenever he has to wash the frying pan at home, he forgets that while cold water might cool the pan itself, the slim piece of metal that connects the dish to the handle stays hot. He's burned himself so many times on that fucker–

Lightning flashes again.

There's someone standing in your yard.

The second he notices the figure, it lunges left.

Eddie stands frozen on the spot, unsure if he should approach the window to get a better look, or if he should move backward and away from the potential harm.

He takes a step forward. Mind in a numb state of thoughtlessness, he walks to your sink and stands there silently, looking into the grass and trees for any hint of irregular movement.

Tree branches rail in the wind and rain. Eddie leans further forward.

A third flash of lighting comes, and it must have struck close by, as the light it gives off is long and bright. He gets a clear look at the yard and the image of his own reflection in the glass. No dark figure in the tall grass toward the fence, no heinous murderer trying the back door.

It’s dark again. Eddie puts a hand over the racing pulse of his heart. Fuck, he thinks. I’m seeing things. He’s on edge ‘cause of your fucking ghost, and it’s not your fault but he wonders if maybe loving you is making him tired. He regrets it as soon as he thinks it, what does that even mean? He’s loved you for years. It has never felt like a chore. But… tired. He’s tired. Pining for someone you already have, just not in the way that you want, is exhausting. It’s not your fault and it doesn’t change the fact that he’s exhausted. Today has been a long day.

He scrubs his eyes with his palms until they burn and lifts his head.

There’s a girl on the other side of the glass.

Eddie startles, startles again when he realises she’s not on the other side at all, she’s behind him, outfitted in white like an apparition, like an angel. She’s inside the house, ten feet away in the doorway.

His neck cracks with the force of his turn.

“Sorry,” you say, taking a step back into the hall. “I thought you heard me.”

“Oh, shit.”

You’ve turned the light on in the hall. Eddie turns back to the window and sees your reflection again, no angels and no apparitions. You’re just a girl.

He half turns and gets stuck like that, hand braced against his eyes, torso pitching forward. “Shit,” he mutters.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie laughs. “You surprised me. I’m fine,” he assures you, though he takes his time standing at full height. How can such a small scare feel like a marathon? “Creep, who fucking does that?”

“You were totally spaced, dude, don’t blame me,” you say, holding your hands up in mock surrender.

“I do blame you. I hope you feel blamed. Fucking fuck, that got me.”

“I wasn’t being quiet. I yelled. You didn’t hear me?”

He can’t stop the dubiety that warps his face. “No? What’s your definition of yelling? ‘Eddie?’” he imitates you, tossing his own name into the dark kitchen. “Unbelievable.”

“What were you looking at?” you ask, nodding at the window.

“Lightning.”

“That why you’re in the dark? Or have I interrupted something?”

“‘M moonlighting as a serial killer.” He grins at you. “Got me.”

You lean against the wall next to the light switch and turn it on, exposing the chair shy of his leg and the plastic cover from your light on the table.

“What the–”

“I’m doing a good deed. Or, I was. There was a moth at one point."

You help Eddie clip the light back into place. He climbs back on the chair and you hug his legs to make sure he doesn’t fall either way, arms encircling his thighs and your face pressed comfortably to his stomach. Your cheek flush with the naked stretch of his stomach, his shirt hiked up as he struggles to finish what he started, he explains the moth, who, for lack of an escape, has probably found a home in your curtains or your coat rack. You laugh at his softness.

Back upstairs, you won’t let him read to you again, and the ghost monitoring continues on. Eventually, you both get bored and turn on the TV. Eddie forgets his fright, you forget your haunted house, and the night ends. You fall asleep against his shoulder, drool leaking from the corner of your mouth. He pushes you gently down into your pillow, and goes to brush his teeth with a snort.

Eddie wakes in the morning with a crick in his neck. He feels better, having slept. All his monstrous yearning has fizzled out overnight, and he’s glad to find that the damp circle of dribble under your cheek isn’t cute, it’s gross. (Okay, it’s a little cute. He’s only human.)

The window brags an end to the extreme weather. Rain nor shine reaches through your drapes; the morning looks mundane. He kicks your shin ‘by accident’ and waits for you to rouse, keeping a safe distance. He doesn’t wanna get his morning breath all over you. That would be inhumane.

“Ouch,” you croak.

“It wasn’t that hard.” His voice is as rough as yours.

“Not your kick,” you moan. “My throat.”

“You’ve been drooling again.”

You cover your face sluggishly and your pinky must feel the wet spot staining your pillow.

“It’s embarrassing.” You dig your heels in at the bottom of the bed and pull your head off of the pillow so you can grab it and throw it out of view. Once it’s bashed against your mirror with a concerning glass sound, you pull the blankets over your face and sigh. “I’ll be here forever, if you need me.”

“Could be worse,” he says lightly. “Imagine waking up with a stiffy.”

“Did you–?” you ask, like you’re terrified to know but couldn’t not inquire.

“No, but I have. You know I have.”

“True. That is… unfortunately awkward.”

“‘Xactly. Don’t feel weird about your spit.”

You don’t feel as bad as you pretend. Sure, it’s embarrassing. So is puking in your lap at the movies, or ripping your pants climbing over the fence into the woods by Forest Hills, or getting fired after two weeks from the Palace Arcade because the manager didn’t like your ‘general demeanour and/or presence’, all of which he’s done and you’ve been a witness to. He thinks you might be impervious to humiliation as long as you’re together.

Eddie pulls the blankets over his head, pleased that the morning light reaches you even here. You’re curled on your side underneath them, bleary eyes meeting his from across the small stretch of mattress. You hadn’t touched him once while you slept.

“I don’t remember falling asleep,” you say quietly.

“We watched Poltergeist. You fell asleep with twenty minutes left.”

“Can you blame me? Snore.”

“You wanted to watch it.”

“It’s the only movie I own that has a ghost.”

You share a silent look. Eddie tries to keep a straight face and ultimately fails, his laugh roaring. You join in, half reluctant and half delirious in your fatigue. Your sleep-swollen eyes close like you can’t keep them open anymore.

He stays under the sheets stealing looks at you for as long as he can, despite the building, smothering warmth. The day passes with much of the same.

—

When you first started working at Leaven, Eddie called you a traitor. He said you’d made it impossible for him to show his face in Bradley’s. He’d been joking — the prices at Leaven are ridiculous, and completely out of the average joe’s budget. Bradley’s remains your go to for everything. He’s come around these days — he likes the fancy soups and admits Leaven’s has the best fresh fruit.

Despite the rich old women who frequent and make your workdays… less than ideal, you like working at Leaven. Your days consist almost exclusively of stacking shelves, but occasionally they chuck you on checkout and you get to sit in a padded chair for ten hours. You’re basically living the American dream.

Working here has introduced a special brand of monotony to your life. It’s very, very quiet, and that’s how you like it. But there’s something to be said for noise, for Eddie and Wayne’s noise specifically. You like going there after work to shock your body back into the real world. Here’s sound. Here’s life. Here’s love.

You’re scanning a bag of ‘holistic’ lemons when you notice Eddie lingering toward the front of the store a mere twenty feet away. You don’t wave at him, lest your customer think they aren’t the sparkling apple of your eye and report you to the manager, but you nod jerkily, hoping he takes it for ‘I see you’. He smiles and points his thumb toward the store’s cafe.

When your arms are numb from another twenty minutes of scanning and typing in coupon codes for people who don’t need coupons, you shut down your register and lock it all tight. You take your lunch break early, and thankfully there’s nobody in the cafe to yell at you for being unprofessional.

You waltz over to Eddie sitting at the back next to the huge glass windows and prop your lunch bag against the coke bottle he’s opened. “Hello, handsome,” you say.

“Hey, beautiful.”

“You want half of a turkey sandwich?”

He beams at you, kicking your chair out so you can sit. “Nooo, I brought you a hot dog.”

“Oh, gross. Give it to me right now.”

You know he made it at home before he’s even pulled the foil wrapped package from his bag. Eddie makes the best hot dogs ever. Fancy brioche buns, caramelised onions and a mixture of sauces on the world's worst meat. They make you queasy and they might be one of your favourite foods. You open it, delighting in its retained heat.

His wrist is shiny. You put your hotdog down to grab his arm and bring it closer to your face. He’s wearing a simple tennis chain with black gems like a rich girl. “What is this?” you murmur, pleased to see him wearing something nice.

“You like that? It was thirty four dollars from a magazine.”

“I love it. What’s the occasion?”

“My mom’s birthday.” He fishes his own hotdog from his bag and slaps it down in front of yours. You take a huge bite, and can’t answer him when he asks, “Is that really weird, buying myself something when it’s a day about her?”

You steal a swig of his coke and wince the entire time. “Sorry.” You cough. “No, that’s not weird, Eddie. Wanting to buy yourself something nice is a good way of dealing with a shitty day. A day that makes you feel shitty,” you amend.

“Maybe I should’ve got her a big bouquet of flowers or something.”

“You can still get her flowers.”

“Yeah.”

You take another bite of your hot dog and slip away to get a bottle of water from the cafe. You feel like an asshole for not hugging him. When you return Eddie’s already polished off his hot dog, and has moved onto one half of your turkey sandwich.

“Are you gonna be weird about it if I hug you?” you ask him genuinely.

“No.” He puts down the sandwich. “I don’t know. Maybe. I want one, though.”

You wipe your hands in a napkin showfully before approaching his chair. You slide a knee next to his thigh and wrap your arms around his head, a hand between his shoulder blades and the other pulling his face to your chest. You have to slouch. It's not entirely comfortable but it doesn't feel awkward, so you take the win.

"I'm sorry, Eddie," you say quietly. You think about kissing his head.

"Me too."

There's a moment in there where you feel a nasty emotion brewing, sadness and much worse. You know that the gutted pain aching through you right now is nothing compared to what Eddie feels. That loss.

It must feel so, so heavy.

You pet his neck affectionately. Your nose dips into his hair, the tip touching his scalp. Your hands come up, like trying to hold water as it trickles between your fingers, Eddie's slipping. You grapple to keep him with you.

"I love you," you say honestly. He's your best friend.

Eddie pats your back. "I love you too, loser."

"You're my best friend."

I would fucking think so, he'd say.

"You're mine," he says.

You smile and give him a good squeeze. When you pull away he doesn't look as odd as he had, relaxing against the hard-backed wood of the cafe chair as he tucks his hair behind his ear. He holds your gaze without any weight to it. You sit in your own uncomfortable chair and lean forward to compensate for the space between you, like two slanting trees in the wind, parallel but untouching.

"It's a really nice bracelet," you say.

"She'd like it, I think."

You don't know anything about Eddie's mom. She isn't someone he's ever been able to talk about with you. You can't remember the photographs you'd seen once upon a time, but you remember having the distinct thought that Eddie looked more like her than his dad or his uncle Wayne. She'd been beautiful, and her life couldn't be more starkly mourned.

"I'm sure she would. It's pretty."

His mouth wobbles. You're horrified for a moment, thinking he might burst into tears, but it's laughter he's chasing, and his little giggle is like a beam of sunlight. "Sorry," he says. Laughter doesn't seem like a good enough word to describe the sounds he's making, such understated, small curls of sound. Fleeting, golden. "She would've liked you, too. She would've loved you."

"That's a good thing?" you check, cautious that he might be on the precipice of a nervous breakdown.

"Yeah, that's a good thing. Is it ever bad? To be loved?" he asks.

He's teasing, but it feels like he's asking you something else.

"You could be a stalker, with that logic."

And there you go, ruining a moment with a shitty joke because you're too much of a coward to ask questions when you don't know the answer.

Eddie grabs his coke, tipping his head back as he says, "Who says I'm not a stalker already?"

Funny how the subtext of a conversation can contain magnitudes for one party and not the other. You worry you're in love with your best friend. He sips at coke and threatens perversion.

"You're definitely a stalker. You couldn't wait a couple hours to see me tonight?"

"I didn't realise I would be seeing you tonight," Eddie says, lifting his brows.

"Oh. I asked, didn't I?"

Eddie shakes his head. "Are you sure? I don't remember you asking, babe, I'm supposed to go play at Gareth's."

Babe is his funniest pet name, in your opinion. It doesn't suit you, or him, but it feels good anyhow. Like you're a babe, supermodel pretty for TV or magazine spreads, long legs and not a single wrinkle that isn't marring the paper itself.

"Bummer for me," you say lightly. "What are you doing, Dio tributes again?"

"Don't say tributes like that, like we're out sacrificing goats in studded jackets."

"That's a good image." You laugh. "That's funny."

"I don't know. He wanted to try something he wrote. Invited Jeff and Jamison. Band's back together."

"I'll get out my t-shirts."

You have all the corny classics; I'm with the band; I'm with the guitarist; a Corroded Coffin faux tour shirt, different Hawkins locations written in typeset sharpie on the back. When you made it, Eddie had been wearing the t-shirt and the ink leaked through. He had 'Lover's Lake, Nov 18' between his shoulder blades and 'The Hideout, May 22' over his tailbone for a week. By day three the words had become illegible but you'd known them anyway, in the same way you knew the dots between the letters H and I were freckles rather than ink spots. You've always looked at him more than you should.

"I could cancel."

You and Eddie experience the natural ups and downs of friendship, or rather the ebb and flow. You know you come back together eventually if you get too far apart, and there hasn't been a time since you met him where you were worried about the permanence of your relationship. You're human, and you get insecure about it anyway, but then he says stuff like that and you're confronted with how close you are. He puts you first. He has other friends, other healthy friendships and a life outside of you, but you still get to be a huge and important part of the majority, and that is more than enough. (It should be more than enough. Some days it is.)

"Now why would you do a thing like that?" you ask, sarcastic but soft. "You know they sound shit without you."

"I don't like knowing you're alone."

"I'm not lonely," you say. Truth or lie.

"That's not what I said." Eddie's eyes narrow.

"It's stupid to worry about me, I always lock the doors. I lock the windows, even the ones upstairs. I don't think I'm gonna fall victim to a home invasion anytime soon."

"I don't think many people think they're gonna be in home invasions until their homes actually get invaded. And it's not really what I'm worried about."

"Do you ever think that we worry too much?"

"Yes. We worry constantly. It's, like, our parasitic relationship with each other."

"Like a tapeworm," you agree solemnly.

"Exactly. I'm your tapeworm. And I'm worried about you."

"Can tapeworms worry?" you ask.

Eddie kicks you mildly. "I don't know? I don't think tapeworms have a level of consciousness beyond what's needed for them to survive. They probably think about eating and parasitizing and that's it. Don't make me ask, please."

You take a pull of your drink to prolong the inevitable. "Ask about what?"

"Your ghost."

"Ah."

Eddie waits.

You sigh again. "Look, I don't even know if she is a ghost, I probably just imagined it."

He pulls himself forward and there's the weight you'd be waiting for, sternness marked into his face one feature at a time. "Liar."

"What?"

"You're lying. You don't think you imagined it." He looks you up and down. “You think I don't know when you're lying?"

"I'm not lying," you lie.

"You are. I know you are," he says, smiling despite the point he's making. "I know what you look like when you do."

"What do I look like?"

"I can't tell you, you might change it, and then I won't know when I'm supposed to look out for you 'cause you never tell me anything."

"I don't want to talk about the ghost."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't believe me," you say too loudly.

Eddie reaches across the table but doesn't touch your hand. He puts his palm down and leans ever forward, says, "Hey, I do."

"No, you don't, you think there's something happening to me."

"What would you think, if it were me?" he asks, frustration seeping in. "Try and see it from how I'm seeing it."

"If it were you'd I'd believe you because you needed me to."

You cringe at yourself and veer back into your chair, shoving your hands between your thighs and clamping your legs closed. Your fingers turn numb.

Eddie doesn't look shocked, exactly. Surprised that you're talking to him unkindly, sure, and concerned.

This whole situation is ill-fated, you know that. What good can come of a ghost? Hooks from the past. "I never should have told you," you say quietly.

"Did you tell me?" Eddie asks, speaking with an anger that forms each word like a cut, clean and hurting. "You won't tell me anything. You tell me she talks to you, that she asks you about me. But you won't say what she says, exactly, and you have nothing to show for it. Your notebook conveniently disappeared. I can’t hear her."

He thinks you're making it up.

Fuck. He thinks you're making it up. Eddie thinks you're lying to him, and while it hurts like a sharp kick to the solar plexus, a flooring, winding pain, it's the embarrassment that has tears glowing along your last line. If he really believes you'd make something up like this for attention, what does he think of you? That you're some silly leech clinging to him through bad lies? That you're bored? That this is a game you're playing with him?

Your heart beats hard enough that you can feel it in your chest. Your hands shake with anger and hurt at once, your leg bouncing under the table in an attempt to keep the rush of it at bay. You look at Eddie with your lips parted, trying to say what you mean and not what you feel. You want to say something scathing, and you don't want to be cruel, and these are two facts existing at the same time.

Eddie has other ideas. He sees your eyes turn glassy, he must, because his anger drains and he turns sorry and soft. It reminds you of a different moment like a film cell played overtop, of a younger, remorseful him. The expression he makes when he's just popped you in the mouth wrestling, or burned behind your ear with the hair iron. An accident.

"I'm sorry," he says. Sheepish, gentle, sincere, embarrassed, too many threads of emotion to summarise with one word. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. Don't cry."

"Fuck off," you mumble, looking down at your bouncing leg. You push your hand against it, forcing it to lay still.

"I didn't mean it."

"Stop, Eddie."

"I'm just hurt you're not telling me everything and I'm acting like an asshole 'cause I'm a big baby," he says, two shades from frantic.

A tear rolls down your cheek. You thought for sure you'd escaped them, but it had already welled, and with nowhere to go it races down your cheek. You paw at it and hope he won't see it.

He does.

Eddie's chair screeches across the floor as he stands up. You know he'll hug you before he's touched you. Same way you know he's freaking out on the inside, allergic to girl tears.

His hands take to your shoulders, hesitating there, and one slides behind your neck so his forearm presses against both shoulder blades. His lips ghost warmly over your forehead as he leans in. His other hand meanders, braceleting the top of your arm and running downward before swiftly changing paths to flatten out against the small of your back.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, rubbing your back.

His tender hug exacerbates the hurt, like an exsanguination. You cry as quietly as you can manage and Eddie feels it under his hands, the two of you condensed at the back of an empty room. You forget where you are, what you're wearing, what you've been fighting about. What he said. You realise how badly you'd needed him to comfort you lately, and hate yourself for giving in.

He shushes you so quietly you think you might have imagined it.

Or maybe it was your ghost.

"I'm sorry," he says, his breath kissing your scalp. "I'm a dick."

"It's fine," you say. You despise yourself for how weak you sound.

"It's not fine."

"I wanted to stay because it's getting worse," you tell him. You don't mean to.

"Okay. Okay. Then you'll stay. It's no biggie."

"It's worse," you say, turning your face into his chest.

You're shaking hard. Eddie can't make it stop no matter how tightly he holds you.

"I'm sorry," he says again.

He doesn't have to be. If he was acting out, fine. If he does or doesn't believe you, fine. You don't need him to see ghosts, or apologise that he can't.

"I just didn't want to do it by myself," you confess, at the very pit of pathetic. You hope he won't hear. Your growing panic about the ghost is a secret you hadn’t meant to tell.

Eddie pulls away. He looks down at you, and if he wanted to he could kiss you, his lips are that close, but he widens the distance. He takes your face into his hands, calluses rough against your tacky cheeks.

"You think I'm gonna let you? I know I'm fucking it up royally right now, I know I'm an asshole, but I'm not fucking going anywhere, okay? Don't worry. Don't worry about it." He drops his hands to your shoulders. "I'm your parasite, right? Do you know how hard it is to get rid of a parasite? Sometimes they have to pull them out, and they're excruciatingly long, it's a process you don't wanna go through–"

You laugh wetly. Eddie promptly stops talking about parasites.

"Forgive me?" he asks.

You nod on automatic. Of course you do.

"I swear she's real," you say, rubbing your forehead with the meat of your thumb. You think she’s real, but the truth is that you just don’t know. You amend quickly, "I swear I'm not lying. I am hearing someone… even if she's not real."

Eddie frowns. "I know. I believe you."

That's when the real trouble begins.

—

Eddie wants to hold your hand desperately. You're wearing your nicest dress, split hem sewn with infinite care, and your dress shoes with the tiny heels. He doesn't get to see you like this very often, and he wishes it were a better occasion.

You've had your hair down at the hair stylists in the city, you're wearing concealer. You've done everything you can to look presentable. You look beautiful. He hopes you know that, at least.

You heave a sigh. You're as anxious as Eddie is to get this over with.

“You remember Hawk?” he asks you.

“Jack 'Hawk'?” you ask.

“Yeah, Hawk.”

“He’d come around for green?” you ask.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Alright. So, when you were on vacation last summer, Hawk knocked on the door, I answered. I’m straight, right? Haven’t sold anything in years, no plans on selling again. But Jack barrels up the steps and starts going on like I promised him something. I said, dude, I don't deal anymore, and could you possibly shut the fuck up? Wayne’s inside making milkshakes. Blender on, couldn’t hear us but I’m sweating bullets.

“Jack, fucker, starts begging.” Eddie leans into your shoulder, hushed. “He’s saying c’mon Munson, I know you got some, don’t you have a personal stash? I’m desperate.” He picks a piece of hair off of your sleeve. “I didn’t, obviously, and I told him that but he’s not listening to me, he’s getting all wild-eyed and fucking wound like he needs the hard shit. I’m just trying to get rid of him at that point, I don’t know if he was tweaking but he looked like he was going to hit me and I wasn’t interested in fighting.” He laughs, encouraging a smile from you. “Wayne’s inside making milkshakes. Full fat with vanilla extract– I’m not about to take a trip to Hawkins General.”

“What did you do?” you ask.

“I said to him, even if I did you wouldn’t be getting anything, asshole, and pushed him toward the steps, you know? It felt good, standing up for myself.”

“And he left?”

“No, he fucking hit me straight in the dick. Can you imagine that? Junk shot on my own front door.”

You gasp with giggly indignation, hanging on his every word now. Eddie knows he’s taken you out of your head, even if it’s temporary.

“He hit you in the dick,” —you whisper ‘dick’ like it’s insidious within these four walls— “‘cause he wanted pot? You should’ve pushed him off of the porch.”

“I would’ve but he fucking winded me.” He starts laughing again, your giggles contagious though you try to smother them with your hand. “It’s funny now, but it wasn’t funny at the time.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“He was five foot one. I’ve never felt that humble in my life, I told Wayne I was coming down with something and had the worst afternoon nap ever. Didn’t even get my milkshake.”

“No,” you mumble sympathetically. Your eyes widen. “Eds, I’m sorry, that’s not funny. He assaulted you–”

Eddie waves his hand at you. “He got in a cheap shot. I was fine. I’ll still have kids.”

You snort, “Thanks for the information.”

“I got him back for it, anyway.”

He pretends like that’s the end of that, like the story doesn’t go on and he has nothing to tell you. You wait raptly for him to explain but he gloats, knowing you're hooked.

You elbow him.

“What?” he asks. “Oh, you wanna know how I got revenge? You’re evil.”

“Less shame and more story,” you say.

“Alright. Are you ready? Here’s where it gets complicated.

“I’m at The Hideout listening to that new band that blazed through here a couple of months ago, Board Growth, or something? They’re incredible, the booze is cold, I’m tipsy and Gareth owes me anyway, I’m putting it all on his tab and he, seemingly, isn’t noticing. It’s great. Better if you hadn’t been on vacation again, what the fuck, but it’s good.

“And there he is. It’s the fucking Hawk. He’s looking down his nose at these young girls smooth-talking them. Or, he’s trying to smooth talk them, but it’s like watching a worm flirt with a praying mantis, okay, we all know who’s gonna lose.” Eddie’s knee rests against yours, your hand is on his thigh, he’s losing the thread of his story fast under the smell of your perfume and hair oil. “I knock back the rest of my drink, slick my hair like I’m James Dean and, in all my drunken intelligence, decide that this is the perfect moment for me to get him back.”

“I wasn’t on vacation.”

“What?”

“I only went once.” You’d gone for two days with some old friends. He remembers now, and rushes to fix the story.

“Why didn’t you come, then?” he asks, flipping the script. “You’re such a flake.”

“I don’t know, I don’t know when this was.”

“Stop bailing on me and ruining my stories,” he says, teasing.

“Okay, you’re hopped up on liquid courage and about to hit Jack in the dick,” you prompt.

“Right! I stroll up to Hawk and he’s instantly wriggly like the worm of a guy he is, and I say, hey Hawk, how’s it hanging?

“Maybe he’s just that stupid or maybe he thinks I’m putting out the olive branch but he actually starts telling me how he’s doing, and I’m looking at these girls as if to say, can you believe this guy? I cut him off, and I’m a loser, I’m not half as cool as I think I am but again I’m slightly incredibly inebriated. I’m making bad decisions.”

“Where’s your cafeteria bravado?” you ask.

“It’s worse than that. Imagine me at my most insufferable. I smile at the girls and I lean into Jack’s space, I’m laughing, I feel bad about what I’m gonna say before I’ve said it but I say it anyways. I lean right into his ear and tell him at full volume how sorry I was to hear about his recent bout of syphilis. I’m just so glad they caught it in time, man,” he says, imitating a past self.

You open your mouth. “And,’ Eddie says, jumping to finish, “so happy you could keep most of it, buddy.”

“Eddie…”

“I’m a bad person.”

“No,” you mumble, hiding your smile on his shoulder, your forehead a hair’s width from his chin. You’d laugh a storm any other day to make him feel good, whether you think he’s funny or not, but today all you can manage is a hand on his leg. “You’re not a bad person, he deserved it… fucking hit you…”

The story isn’t true.

He made it up. Right here right now. He just spent five good minutes of your lives spinning an outrageously awful story with poor jokes and one glaring plot hole, for what?

This is hard. Making you cry, begging you to see what a doctor has to say, playing grown up in a grown ups body. Eddie thought you’d get to be kids forever. He never imagined what would come after school, and then suddenly it is after, and everything’s an ugly boring mess except for you (and Wayne, god bless), and now you’re sick. The waiting room you’re in, the road here, the look on your face when he told you what he wanted from you. It’s all… heartbreakingly monotonous.

One doctor's appointment, he whispered across pillows. Late and neither of you asleep. The sound of cicadas outside and Wayne’s deep snore a room away.

You nodded and closed your eyes, and you didn’t say another word all night.

What’s the worth in a made up story? What good will it do? You have to see the doctor eventually. Distraction, Eddie thinks pleadingly. Relief. He just wants to give you as much relief as he can from what’s happening with the only thing he feels he has —his quick mouth.

He stares at your hand on his thigh. He wills himself to raise his own and put it on top of yours. He channels his thoughts, like this is telekinesis and not his own body, move. Move your hand, he says to himself.

It's a millimetre out of his pocket when they call your name.

You shoot up like a stalk and smile at the nurse who's come to collect you. You don't look jittery anymore, but there's a distinct doe in the headlights look about you as Eddie watches you trail down the hallway into the doctor's office. You look back at him three times, and each time is a whip.

As soon as the door closes, he bends forward in his chair and heaves a sickly sigh. His nausea has him coughing into his hand and praying he doesn't throw up here. If they want you to go somewhere today, like a pharmacy for temporary medication, or the emergency room for a CAT scan, he can't be covered in his own vomit.

A child babbles across the room. Eddie peeks at her through his fingers. She's pale with dark hair, much like Eddie himself, and her mom is the same. The kid's mom doesn't look like Eddie's mom besides that, but seeing her here in a hospital makes it impossible not to think of her. She's been on his mind so much lately. Her birthday is at the end of the month, and it isn't the same —she'd been in hospital for three brutally short days— but you're being here is like peeling the scab off of a wound he thought healed years ago.

Mom was everything. She was willowy and beautiful and tough as a board. She was smart, she knew everything; how to make microwave pizza taste gourmet, how to make whistles out of blades of grass, how to make a bad day feel brand new.

He wished he could say that he has her every detail committed. The cruellest, most terrifying thing about the people we love is that they aren't permanent, not their life and not what they leave behind. Over time, his mom has turned from an aching spear of love to a dappling of sunlight through the branches of an old tree — scattered. Beautiful and impossible and a thousand pieces in his memory, slowly fading over time.

There'll come a day where Eddie can't remember her. He knows that. He knows his frame of reference for who she was will reduce down to her photographs, and the nearly empty bottle of her perfume under his bed.

Eddie is haunted by her absence everyday.

There is no corporeal apparition of her at his shoulder, no cool chill running down his spine, but he's haunted all the same. It's why he won't accept your ghost. It's why he can't. He knows what it feels like to have someone with him who isn't really here, and he won't let you suffer through the same thing. He'll protect you from this, from her.

Even if it means he has to take you to doctors offices an hour out of town. If he has to bargain for it, and make you cry at work, and– and fucking drive this wedge between you, he'll do it.

He needs you to be okay.

He can't think about his mom anymore. He loves her, he misses her, but if he thinks about her too much he won't be able to stand up.

Eddie sits up, takes a lungful of air in, and waits. He senses you as you come back down the hall, grateful for your dry cheeks, and your small, small smile. Tiny but irrefutably there.

He stands up and holds out his hand. You don't take it, but you walk into his side so your hips are pressed together and he falls into step with you.

"So…" he says.

"She asked if I was getting enough sleep," you say, "and I told her I was. I explained everything to her like I promised I would, even– even… I told her everything. And um, she seemed very open."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she– OK." You frown.

"Listen, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know I practically forced you to come, but it's still your life, and you can have privacy from me–"

"It's not that. I just don't want to cry in here."

He puts his hand on your shoulder, his arm folded against your shoulder. You don't speak until you're out of the doctor's office and weaving through people as you walk toward the parking lot.

"She thinks I'm having auditory hallucinations. And that it could be an initial symptom of schizophrenia, or something else. She said it usually starts around my age, and–"

"Hey, it's okay," he says, though internally he feels as distressed as you're beginning to look, horrified by your crumpling chin and wringing hands. "It's okay. You don't have to say it if it's going to upset you."

"It might not be anything," you say, shaking your head. "She said the human brain is complicated, and sometimes stuff like this just happens. She wants to, uh," —your voice twists up very high— "see me again after I've had some sleep to see if it's persisting."

Eddie nods. He's fucking glad that the doctor took you seriously, grateful for her advice and her reluctance to misdiagnose you with something. It's not as though Eddie wants you to be experiencing hallucinations. But he thinks you are, and he needs help looking after you if that’s the case.

"Did she prescribe anything?" he asks.

"A week's worth of ambien. She didn't really want to, but I told her about, you know, you coming over to make sure I'm okay, and I know that was because of the gh–" You bite your lip. You're shaking like a leaf. "Well, she thought it was you making sure I'm not an insomniac. Which I'm not."

"I'm really proud of you," he says quietly. "I know you don't want this to be happening. I get it, I promise. I don't want it either, but this is a good thing."

He can see you regaining some composure. You smile a little, and you offer him your prescription paper. "You know it only costs seven dollars for seven ambien?"

"I could get you some for free."

Your laugh startles him. "No, I don't think so."

"I'm not offering. Just saying. I know a guy."

"No, you knew a guy who knows a guy who could get me something ridiculous, like a percocet."

"I'd never give you anything like that."

"I know." You come to a halt. The cloudy weather paints you in shadow. "I'm sorry this is happening."

"You're what?" He doesn't let you answer moving to stand in front of you. "Why would you apologise for this?"

"Because it's my head," you say stiffly.

"You didn't want this to happen. And– and it might not be happening at all. You'll try the ambien, and you'll take care of yourself, and we'll go from there. I wasn't trying to scare you… I wish I could brush it off, you know? I wish I could believe that you…" He takes you in. Your skirt and jacket are swaying in the cold wind. You look one sharp shove from falling over. "I get that it isn't like me, to not believe in the fantasy–"

You save him from his miserable attempt at placating you.

"I know."

He licks his lips.

"I love you," Eddie says as he starts toward the van again. "Let's go fill your prescription, and then I'll get you whatever you want to eat."

"Boys are so weird about I love you," you say, following. The light behind your eyes makes your teasing worth it. "You say it like you chewed on it first. Struggled to get that one out, did you?"

It's not your best insult. Neither of you are exactly on form.

"Just so hard to say it to you."

You take what you perceive to be an insult on the chin. Only Eddie knows there's a sliver of truth in what he's said.

You generously let him help you into the passenger seat. He's hopeful that your mood's improved until that wretched frown worms its way across your pretty mouth once again. You wait for him to round the hood and start the van before you explain yourself.

"There's a support group. For anybody who's, um, hearing voices. Schizophrenics, manic depressives…"

"Is that something you want to go to?"

"I don't know. Can I be honest with you?"

"Yeah. Absolutely."

"I don't know if I believe that it isn't real. I know that's the point. The definition of hallucination is, uh… an experience involving the apparent perception of something not present, and so… it makes sense. My ghost isn't there, even if I think she is, so I must be hallucinating, but Eddie," —you shrink in on yourself— "I have this feeling that won't go away."

He loves you. You're terrified.

He's already guessed what you're going to ask for.

"Can we try again? Please? I'll take the meds and I'll go to the support group, but in the meantime, could you please come back and just– just listen. Maybe it takes a while for her to talk to someone else." You scrub your face. "Fuck. I sound fucking crazy."

Eddie squeezes the wheel. "Don't say that. Don't say it like you've done something wrong. You didn't do anything wrong."

People say crazy but they mean sick. They ridicule what they can't understand.

He doesn't understand, but he wants to. He says, "If you want me to, we'll try again. I'll come over."

You look up from your palms. He notices almost habitually that they're smaller than his. When you were young teenagers there'd been a short period of time where you'd been the taller one, with bigger hands and a bigger smile. Lately, you've seemed small.

"Really?" you ask hopefully.

"You came here 'cause I asked you to. It was hard for you." He turns his eyes to the road and turns the key until the Beauville's engine is thrumming with life. "I'd do a lot of shit for you, superstar. Like, anything. If you need me to keep trying then I will. And you'll–"

"I'll keep trying too," you promise.

It's all he can ask for.

—

The sky is all kinds of grey. It stretches like a sheet from one corner of your eye to the other, darker toward each limit of your vision, a gradual decay into colourlessness toward the very top where the sun fights hardest to burst through an impossible expanse of clouds. They seem thick as marshmallo, but where they begin is hard to decipher.

Your eyes feel sore. You imagine a hand reaching for you, hitting you, pressing its cold knuckles to each bruised eye socket to calm the raging ache behind them. You hadn't expected to feel this way. It isn't the first time you have, but to feel so intensely unreal while there's someone still with you is new. You lean your weight against the sill and let your arms swing from the open window ledge, knuckles scraping the scratchy brick of the house's exterior walls, instantly chilled by the weather.

A black band of birds burst across the sky somewhere leftwards. The pitch and tumble with no discernible formation. They're too far to hear. You imagine the flap of wings, their buoyed cawing, screeching to one another as they swim between pylon cables and their brothers spread wings.

"What kind of birds do you think they are?" Eddie asks.

You feel his weight settle into the ottoman beside you. You'd dragged it to the window with tired arms. You haven't felt up to anything since you got home, though Eddie's promise should've restored a little hope. He's going to keep trying to meet your ghost. You'll have to hope you don't get worse before that.

You know, starkly, that you aren't having auditory hallucinations. You know, starkly, that your ghost had written to you in your missing notebook.

But maybe that's the nature of your hallucination. A night bent over the pocket dictionary had ended as this one begins, with the crushing realisation that you cannot trust what you know. To put it plainly, you're afraid that you're mentally unwell. Terrified of how it’s going to change your life, the people in it.

Eddie's afraid too.

Your orange bottle of pills glares like a flame to your right where it stands waiting for you on the nightstand. Eddie's made up your bed for the two of you. He could sleep in the guest room, and he never has.

"I don't know," you say hoarsely. Your voice sounds as you feel, like something has its hooks in you, and it's dragging you down, down…

"They're too big to be pigeons."

"They're too dark. They're crows," you guess, tracing an outlier as he skirts the crowd of his family and spirals up into the air.

Like a party trick, you expect him to disappear, or explode, or rocket up into the cotton clouds and out of view. He slows as he falls, and then he dives back toward the main swarm of birds as they migrate toward the horizon.

There's a feeling brewing in you that you don't like.

If you can't trust your own perception. If real isn't real. If you need someone to sit beside you and distinguish real from fake, if… if you're sick.

If you're sick, what does that mean?

You search for something in the air to hold onto.

Eddie hums softly, his hand pushing out into the static as he points toward the glowing clouds. "Sun's going down slow."

You raise your hand and wrap it around his. It isn't enough. You force your fingers between the gaps of his, just a little longer, thicker, solid, and lock him in. He feels real. That's the key. As far as you know, hallucinations don't carry that far. Bugs crawling over your skin and through the strands of your hair, an itch you can't scratch, a drop of rain from a concrete ceiling, the brain can recreate these things. But the exact width of Eddie's palm or the feeling of his calluses against your loveline, your lifeline, and the heartbeat that bumps against the meat of your thumb when you focus, that's impossible. That's a level of precision the human brain can't find.

Right?

Eddie curls his thumb around yours. You can feel his gaze on your cheek like a breath blown between parted lips. You turn toward him, and you catalogue every little mar or mark, every fine hair. His wrinkles, his textured jaw. The strands of a fallen curl come apart near his eye, grown out bangs kissing the highest point of his cheek.

You're panicking. There's a thumping behind your eyes.

"I don't know if you look right," you say.

"I look very right. I'm extremely handsome," he says.

You hold his hand out of the window, worried you'll drop it, and it'll fall.

If Eddie were at home tucked into his double bed a mile away, she would've talked to you by now. Your breath shortens as the meaning behind that thought solidifies.

She only comes when you're alone. Why do you think that is?

She's not real.

Is that how it works? Can hallucinations, auditory, visual, or otherwise, take place in the company of others? You know next to nothing. Maybe they aren’t so common with loved ones standing guard.

You push your head out of the window again and look down at the flat, dying grass in the backyard, a yellowing carpet of bluegrass. Bluegrass is prominent because it can grow anywhere, like mould. With all the rain these past few days, the grass should've livened into a plush and solid green, like the lawns in the southern side of Hawkins where the rich people lavish in sprinklers and gardeners alike. It remains rumpled.

Eddie rubs the back of your hand. It's far from the closest you've ever been. There have been nights you spent unawares in his arms, waking with your face tucked into his neck, so embarrassed you couldn't look at him afterward. But it's the most intimate touch you've ever endured. The whorls of his fingerprint embossing itself into your hand, a quarter circle that doesn't cease. Time feels brief and unsteady.

Eddie must realise you're having a bad moment. He shuffles closer to you, your arms twined, his hair tickling your shoulders. It snaps you back, in a way, with its softness.

"Let's go to bed," he says when the sky's more charcoal than light.

You're cold. You follow. You latch your hand in his and he doesn't say a word, closing and locking your window with one hand, pulling the sheets of your bed back deftly for you to climb in. You slide across to the outermost side and he follows, leaning over you to pull the sheets to your chin.

He stays hovering there.

He holds very still.

"Everything's going to be okay," he whispers.

"What if it isn't?"

"It will be, you…" he trails off. He keeps your hand in his, but he plants his elbow on the other side of you, like a lover about to share sweet nothings, his face so, so close. "You'll be okay, no matter what happens."

"I wish she'd told me more," you say.

"The doctor?" He draws a small, careful line across your cheek with his index finger. "Sweetheart, we'll find out everything there is to find."

"I want to know how scared I should be. Because this feels like torture."

"You don't have to be scared." Eddie smiles, and as far as you can tell, though you're having trouble trusting yourself, it's one of his genuine smiles. "Why do you think I'm here, huh? It's not to watch as something bad happens."

You lift your chin. He's too close to look at both eyes at once: you have to choose, and you can't. Your irises dance back and forth between them, shuddering in indecision.

"You'll look after me," you say, not a question.

He turns his hand, stroking down the length of your cheek with the backs of his fingers. They feel much softer than the undersides, the flat of his nails like silk. Your eyes burn as you free your hand from his, hoping he'll be kind with that one, too.

"I'll look after you."

You tuck your hands behind the trim of his waist and, knowing you shouldn't, let them feed into his shirt. You draw a shaking line through the downy soft blanketing the small of his back until your finger is skipping up the jutting bumps of his spine. It's like climbing a staircase by touch alone. You wonder if anyone else had ever done this to him, if they ever wanted to, and if he'd let them.

Eddie releases a breath. Warmth feathers along your skin.

His hand strokes down to your neck, resting at your collar. Half a second and his petting returns, the side of his thumb brushing your soft jawline tenderly.

He must feel you swallow. His pupils travel down the whites of his eyes like the steady descent of the setting sun.

"I can't," he says softly.

Can't what? you want to ask. You don't know if you should. You know the answer, but does he?

"You're not all here," he says, hand paused. He cups your cheek, holds you in place. You hadn't been moving. "But when you are, I could. I could."

"I don't know if I…" you drift off. How can you explain it to him? I don't know if I'll feel better any time soon.

His eyes move sideways, as if the instruction for your reassurance lay somewhere in the apple of your cheek.

You don't want him to kiss you if it's a fixative meant to soothe your rampant nerves. You want him to kiss you for a hundred reasons, but that's not one of them. You're not sure he wants to kiss you beyond that.

He would, you realise. Kiss you, if he thought you wanted it badly enough. That's a lot of power to have over someone, more than you want over him, and you can't ask him to. You look away from his eyes and search upward, trembling hands and the starts of your forearms pressed to his back, hiking his shirt up one inch at a time.

He sits up agonisingly slowly, in the same way the sky has fallen from light to dusk; inchingly, so as to escape notice, until suddenly you can't feel the emanating heat of his chest against yours anymore, and the only light inside of your room is a yellow band sliced by the ajar door.

Your hands fall back. One under the sheets, one over. Eddie sits where you lay, his hands at the crook of your elbows. He gives symmetrical, superficial massages to each.

The life has been sapped from you, as if it were tied to the sun sunk beyond the horizon. A brutal fatigue sets in.

"You should take your ambien," he murmurs.

"Okay."

The eye tattooed on his arm seems to follow you as he reaches for your seven dollar bottle. He twists off the cap and shakes a single pill out for you, and you watch as the lines of his arms start to blur.

You take your pill, lying firmly in the middle of your pillow, and wonder if now would be an appropriate time to burst into panicked tears.

"I'll look after you," Eddie repeats after a while. Or maybe he doesn't. The weight of the day and the helping kick of your medication pulls you under. He lays down next to you carefully, his hand searching under the covers for yours.

And there, standing in the corner of the room, is your ghost. Real. Stunningly, terrifyingly real.

You can’t open your mouth wide enough to warn him.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

end of part one! thank you so much for reading, I really hope that you enjoyed! this was my baby and such a labour of love in April and I’m so happy now to share it :D if you have the time, please consider reblogging, it means so much to me and I’d love to know your thoughts on the story so far <3<3

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson scenario #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader

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