#it was admittedly not terrible but also very exhausting.

[crescentmp3]

hi that went fine.

[dannystattoo]

Wedding Date Daniel

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Female Reader

Warnings: None, it's literally just tooth-rotting fluff

“Babe, are you sure I look ok?” You asked as you finished touching up your makeup. You’d originally planned to get into town yesterday for your cousin’s wedding, but Nashville had terrible storms the night before and no flights were getting in or out. You were now stressed about getting ready since you’d only been able to get in a few hours ago and the wedding was fast approaching.

“Sweetheart, how many times do I have to tell you, you look incredible,” Danny told you. Admittedly, the backless black dress you’d picked was very flattering, but you looked so exhausted no amount of makeup could make you look more human.

“I feel like you have to say that,” you said. You were convinced you looked like a gremlin who had slept at the airport the night before (because you were), and it was incurable.

“10/10, would gladly bang? Is that better?”He laughed. You lightly smacked him on the arm, though you appreciated the compliment more than you wanted to let on.

“You’re disgusting, you’re lucky you’re cute”

“In all seriousness baby, you don’t have to worry, I promise. Now, me on the other hand-”

“We talked about this, honey, are you worried my family isn’t gonna like you?”

“I dunno. I’ve only ever met your brother, your whole extended family is quite the jump”

“And they’ll love you, I know they will”

Danny shot you a look, and you could tell that he was more nervous about meeting your family than he would ever say.

“Honey, you have nothing to worry about. My brother loved you, and we had a great time when he came to Nashville over the summer.”

“Yeah, but your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins…”

“Don’t forget the pets, my cousin’s dog will absolutely be part of the wedding,” you laughed. You could tell that hadn’t eased his mind at all, so you sat down next to him and grabbed his cheek so you could pull him to face you.

“Listen Danny, I won’t sugar coat it, my family is a lot. There’s a lot of us, we’re loud, we like to party, and I promise everyone will be all over you. Everyone is really excited to meet you though, they’ve been telling me since you agreed to be my plus one. It’s gonna be great, by the time we get to the reception, you’ll forget you were ever nervous.” You leaned your forehead against his and kissed him on the nose.

“I also happen to really like you and can’t wait to show you off to my family.” You kissed him again, and this time he laid down to pull you on top of him.

“I hate to cut this short, babe, but we should probably call our Uber soon. The ceremony starts in a little over an hour. Don’t worry, we’ll pick up where we left off when we get back tonight.”

“I’m already looking forward to going home with the best looking girl at this wedding”

Danny grabbed his phone to order the Uber, but thankfully it was within arm’s reach so you could keep him pinned to the bed until you absolutely needed to leave.

A few hours after and the reception was in full swing. The ceremony had been uneventful, save for a few of your family members accosting you the second they saw you. It was a huge wedding though, and because you arrived on the later side, you were able to be seated towards the back.

“At least you’ll have a chance to ease into this” you said as you both sat down. There was no need to be worried, though, like you expected. Danny fit right in with your family immediately and everyone would tell you later how much they liked him. You even lost him a few times throughout the night, finding him talking to various relatives.

“You having a good time?” You asked as the dinner and speeches were wrapping up and people were starting to move towards the dance floor.

“Yeah! Your family’s pretty great”

“I knew they’d love you. Now as happy as that makes me, come spend a little time with your girlfriend please”

“Of course, baby. Wanna go get a drink refill and we can hit the dance floor?”

“Yes please”

Just as you guys made your way to the dance floor, the bride was about to throw the bouquet. You never understood the hype of this tradition, but you played along anyway and stood to the back of the floor.

“What, don’t wanna catch it?” Danny laughed in your ear.

“Eh, I just don’t care as much as everyone else I guess. Do you know who many bouquets I’ve caught at weddings? People have certainly gotten married before me.” What you didn’t expect was your cousin’s new wife had an ARM on her. Despite being in the back of the crowd, she hurled it far enough it made it directly to you.

“Oh that was so on purpose” Danny pointed out. You had to admit, it did feel aimed.

“What can I say, I think my family already decided they wanna keep you around”

“Good, I’m not intending to go anywhere.”

The rest of the night was a fun, drunken blur. Your family really knew how to throw a party, and this had to be the most fun wedding you’ve ever been to. By the last slow dance of the night, your shoes had long since been taken off and you were leaning into Danny, partially because you wanted to be as close to him as possible (you were very affectionate when you drank), and also because the room was spinning just the tiniest bit.

“You ok, darling?”

“‘M fine, those cocktails were just a lot stronger than I thought they’d be. The first one tasted so watered down!”

“You wanna go sit?”

“No, I’m good, I promise.” As soon as the song ended, the room was filled with cheers as the opening chords of Don’t Stop Believin’ started playing. You were nothing if not a sucker for 80s music, and you suddenly felt much better than you had a few minutes ago.

After a couple of songs played and the bride and groom were sent in their way, you managed to catch a ride back to the hotel with some of your cousins. In an attempt to avoid the surged Uber prices, you’d squeezed five people into the back seat, and you’re pretty sure someone had also put themselves in the back hatch of the car. It was a good thing you didn’t mind squeezing onto Danny’s lap at all. You leaned back against the window and shifted so you were laying your head on his chest as best as you could in the cramped backseat.

“Hi” you giggled as you looked up at him, the fact you were shoved in this clown car the funniest thing in your still drunken state.

“Hi yourself” he pulled you as tight to him as he could. “You still doing ok?"

“Mhmm, just really tired.” You had a decently long drive back to the hotel, seeing as the wedding venue was beautiful, but kind of in the middle of nowhere. You made yourself comfortable and were out before the stuffed car left the lot. You’d drunkenly insisted on bringing the bouquet you’d caught home with you, clutching it while you slept. You guys hadn’t been together all that long, coming up on a year in a few months, but something changed that night. After meeting your family, seeing you interact with everyone (including the kids and the dog who was, in fact part of the wedding party), and surviving sleeping on the floor of the Nashville airport together, he knew and he couldn’t stop thinking about it as he watched you sleep. He wouldn’t ask for a while, but he knew that you were the one. He was more excited to see you get excited about the bouquet than he wanted to admit since it seemed both to you were on the same page.

Lost in thought, the hotel came up sooner than expected.

“Honey, time to go,” he nudged you gently. As you groggily realized where you were, everyone else was already discussing plans to go have a nightcap at the hotel bar before heading up.

“Danny you guys in?” asked your brother, who had become Danny’s biggest fan at the wedding.

“I don’t know, probably not? Babe, do you wanna go hang out at the lobby bar before we go to bed?”

“No, I wanna sleep” you tried to burrow your way back into his chest.

“Yeah, I think we’ll pass tonight, but we’re still here for another day if you wanna do something tomorrow?”

“Sure thing, man. See you guys tomorrow, I hope. She’ll be a mess.” Danny waved to your brother and went back to trying to get you out of the car.

“Babe, you’ve gotta get up, we’re home.”

“I’m too tired, we have to go all the way to the top floor. Stay here,” you slurred.

“We can’t sleep in your cousin’s car, sweetie. Tell you what, can you let me out and I’ll carry you up?”

“Fine,” you agreed as you shifted off his lap. You managed to take a few steps out of the car, regretting the round of shots you’d been talked into five minutes before bar close. You hooked your arms around Danny’s neck and he grabbed your legs, carrying you inside.

“God this is embarrassing” you laughed as you leaned into his neck.

“Babe, I’ve seen much worse at weddings, trust me, this is tame.” When you got up to the room he made sure you had water and ibuprofen, and he managed to find some vending machine snacks for you in hopes it would soak up some of the alcohol.

“Ok, where are your pjs?” He dug through your suitcase, astounded by how much you squeezed into a carry on.

“Um, about that. I kinda didn’t pack any?”

“Do you want the leggings you wore on the plane?”

“I can’t sleep in pants, you know that.” You started laughing “I might have bought a couple new lingerie sets and planned to sleep in those…well nothing, preferably. We can still….if you wanna”

“Babe, I love you so much and trust me, I wanna see them, but you’re so so drunk right now. Let me grab one of my shirts and you can sleep in it ok?” He grabbed his well-worn Church of Rock & Roll shirt out of his bag and helped you change into it. Once he’d gotten himself taken care of, he came into bed and you immediately clung onto him like a koala.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” you said into his neck.

“A few times, but I never get sick of hearing it. Go to sleep angel, i don’t want you to get sick tomorrow” he had a feeling he’d probably still end up waking up with you in a few hours to hold your hair while you puked, but he could hope.

“Ok, I love you, I can’t wait to get married”

“What was that babe?”

“Well, I caught the bouquet so we have to get married next,” you drifted off to sleep, and Danny already knew you’d have no recollection of saying that tomorrow. He agreed though, and hoped you meant it when you said you couldn’t wait to get married.

[hey-hamlet]

Hello hi!! I kinda miss your au talk, so is it okay to ask for more? I really want to know more about your newest villain's quarter au, but if there's a specific au you'd like to talk about I'd love to read it <33

It's always ok to ask for more! I've been missing a bit bc my body had stopped feeling hunger for like a month and it's really hard to eat - coupled with uni starting again I'm just exhausted haha! But! I have still had AUs on the brain so lemme yell ab them.

Aizawa goes to the villain's quarter pretty regularly - its not a good idea to arrest someone within one because you'll get put on every shit list ever and also, in the moment, pumped full of lead. Daylight heroes don't enter for a few reasons - they'll get shot at, every villain in the area will actively try to hunt them down and also the HPSC doesn't pay heroes for incidents resolved within dead zones. It's a legal limbo tbh. However, a few underground heroes tend to frequent each one - there is always someone willing to sell out a competitor, or someone who talks too much in the clubs and casinos people from outside pretend they don't visit.

Hes confused to learn the fancy bar has started opening during the day and even move confused when he finds out its now selling food. It doesn't have a set menu - there is a meal each day, one option with meat and one without, a bowl of rice and a small soup. If you can pay, it's 700 yen. If you can't, its free. The catch is the people running the bar are very well connected and know if you can pay - if you run without paying, you get banned.

Given that its the only restaurant in the villain's quarter - the only place many people feel they can go for food without getting harassed or arrested, its very popular. Aizawa would, at a later date, say he'd gone to get some information - but, at the time, he was honestly just curious. And hungry. The shogayaki was sweet with an intense almost caramelised ginger flavour, the salad was light, the egg drop soup was light with fine ribbons of egg and the rice was soft and fluffy with little packet of furikake and seaweed if he wanted it. It was really good - not gourmet, but warm and homey. Intensely comforting.

Not something you'd expect to find in a bar deep inside the Mutsutafu Dead Zone.

The sight of a young teen humming to himself in the kitchen as he neatly shreds more cabbage is concerning, but its Sunday afternoon - he might be helping out a family member, or, worse but not terrible - young enough that this was the only place that would employ him. He was too thin, but not to a medically concerning degree, right on the line between naturally thin and just plain hungry. When he comes in about a week later, 10am on a Wednesday when any kid should be in school and the kid is still there, tasting a pot of admittedly amazing smelling curry, he gets Very Worried. He keeps coming, wanting desperately to be able to help but not knowing where to start, other than just looking out where he can, talking to the kid, letting him know someone cares.

Tomura wants to kill him, Kurogiri swears he feels familiar, AFO is suddenly hit but a very awkward reminder that Shirakumo was not a random fun dead body he picked up but had friends who mourned him and then proceeded to cope in unhealthy ways by becoming underground heroes who didn't sleep.

Izuku had to go shriek in the walk in fridge when he realised he'd been chatting to Eraserhead the whole time.

[thelocalmuffin]

"making suggestive dirty jokes" with asoryuu for the prompt ask? if u wanna of course!

Oh boy.

I admittedly am a terrible flirt IRL so I hope this is alright.

Title: Is that Karuma or are you excited to see me?

Word count: about 800 words

Summary: After a long week, Ryunosuke comes home to see Kazuma cooking and they catch up about the day before one gets a bit flirty.

Tags: domestic life, minor mentions of angst, post canon, dgs 2 spoilers, fluff, based on a headcanon by my friend Sigma that Kazuma didn't make it too far as a prosecutor

Finally, the weekend has arrived. Ryunosuke can finally decompress from the horrible week he had. He's glad he's finally realised his dream of becoming a lawyer, but no one told him how exhausting it would be.

Case after case, client after client, complaint after complaint, he's done with this awful day. He really could use some time to decompress.

When he gets back to his small home, there’s a strong aroma of a delicious dinner being crafted in the kitchen. He's grateful that dinner is about ready. It's one less thing he has to worry about.

He pokes his head to see Kazuma finishing up dinner. He’s in one of his casual hakamas, biting his lip as he focuses on cooking. It’s a new hobby of his. Ever since he’s returned home he's been dutifully trying to make up for all the trouble he's caused.

Not even six months after they crossed swords, Kazuma had been removed as a prosecutor. From Lord van Zieks' letter, apparently they both started getting a little too curious of what else the Crown had been hiding. When they were caught, Kazuma took the brunt of the accusations and was immediately fired.

Apparently, the new Lord Chief Justice also had not been thrilled at the aspect of a Japanese student studying underneath the Crown, so it was the golden opportunity to rid of the apprentice.

He was a wreck when he came home. Kazuma looked so defeated that all Susato-san and Ryunosuke could do was embrace their friend. After wrapping their arms around both, Kazuma asked if he could have a place to stay as he got back on his feet.

Even though it hadn’t been long, Ryunosuke offered his home to a struggling friend. It had first been just two roommates, but soon, the subtle romantic feelings had resurfaced and their passionate flame sparked after a night of shogi and a very heavy heart-to-heart. The conversation was both admitting their flaws and dreams, realising their bond had been strained, not damaged and it could be fixed.

So, they've been taking it slow. Well, as slow as two lovesick individuals who couldn't keep their hands off each other, anyway

Even so, Kazuma’s been determined to make up all he’s done to Ryunosuke and Susato-san with his freetime. Be that by helping around the house, running errands, or whatever he can do to make their lives easier as they adjust to their new busy schedule. If he’s not here, he’s helping clean up Susato-san’s home to make sure she doesn’t come home to a mess.

Today he was supposed to be elsewhere, though…

“Home early?” Ryunosuke asks as he pokes his head in. “I thought you were going to the university to see if you could continue your courses.”

“Hmm, lost track of time again, I see. You’re actually home late. It’s almost nine.” Kazuma hums, flipping the fish. “You look exhausted. Sit down and I’ll take care of you.”

Nine...

Ryunosuke glances at the clock, realising Kazuma is right.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve been sitting all day. I'd rather stand.” Ryunosuke shrugs the suggestion off. Kazuma’s still pretty curt, as per usual. “I want to help out.”

“There’s no need for that. I’m almost done anyway.” Kazuma opens the rice steamer, raising an eyebrow and closing it again after shaking his head. Without looking up, he continues. “What kept you so long?”

“We’ve been swarmed. That’s what happens when you try to fix up the entire legal system with a small team.”

“I know. You know, I could come in and help with some of the paperwork. If I learned anything from my time in London it's how to sort out cases efficiently and quickly."

“I might take you up on that. I appreciate the clean home, but Susato-san and I are swarmed.” Ryunosuke pauses. “Wait, what about-”

“Let’s not talk about how the university conference went today.” Kazuma whispers, each word peppered with defeat. His head hanging down as he exhales his next words. “I don’t want to damper the mood.”

Oh...they were not thrilled about what they learned...

“I think I can figure it out by context.” Ryunosuke swallows, moving to his partner, wrapping his arms around Kazuma’s waist. “I’m sorry.”

Kazuma’s head hangs down before exhaling. “It was a natural consequence of my actions. I’ll figure out what to do. I always do.”

“Well, you can work with us until you find a new fitting.”

Kazuma pauses, then nods. “Of course. I wouldn't mind at all. Saving me again, Naruhodo. What would I do without you? By this point, I’ll be indebted to you for the rest of my life.”

“Well, we got a lot of time to sort that debt out.” Ryunosuke’s hands move towards the hem of his clothes, before pressing his lips on Kazuma’s shoulders. “I jest. It’s alright. I don’t mind helping you find your path.”

It's silent as the fish sizzles in the pan and Ryunosuke closes his eyes. Kazuma's sweet vanilla lavender scent is so nice...

“Oh!” Kazuma breaks the silence before chuckling. “Is that Karuma or are you excited to see me?”

Ryunosuke pulls away, realising that Karuma’s hilt did indeed poke his arse.

He laughs before he wraps his arms around Kazuma’s waist once again, holding him closer. “Nope. Just Karuma. For now, anyway.”

Kazuma hums, a grin raising from his lips. “Mm, I like the sound of that. I think we could both use a good stress reliever after today. After we eat?”

“After we eat.”

[poliwhirl42]

Burgundy was beside herself. Out of all the terrible circumstances she could've found herself in, this was among her worst nightmares.

A few hours ago, she’d had the misfortune of running into the very bane of her existence- another sick irony with it being the very same PokéMart near Castelia City that she’d crossed paths with him (and his two cronies) a few years prior.

To add to her bad luck, the already bad weather had picked up into a torrential downpour during this chance meeting with her rival, immediately halting her plans to swiftly exit the building and get on the next subway to Arceus-knows-where.

Cilan had suggested they walk to the nearby Pokémon Center, but to their dismay, pretty much everyone in the vicinity had the same idea to request a room for the night, and they found the center completely booked. Burgundy seethed as she and Cilan (against her will) walked out of the building towards the subway, leaving an apologetic Nurse Joy and Audino behind, continually suggesting to latecomers that they try hotels in Castelia City. 

Upon reaching their destination with painful small talk among the throngs of soaking-wet travelers also trying to find shelter for the night, they finally entered one of Castelia’s more reputable hotels and dashed to the lobby, wet clothes sticking to their skin, praying to Arceus that there were two rooms available. Burgundy counted her lucky stars that, amidst Cilan’s annoying bragging, he had a membership to this particular hotel chain that was “guaranteed to accommodate a gym leader and A-Class Pokémon Connoisseur like himself.”

And then, came the apologetic half-smile from the concierge. “I’m so sorry, but it appears that we only have one room available. Is that alright?”

“We’ll take it,” Cilan said quickly, before Burgundy had the chance to respond in a flustered outrage. His normally calm green eyes bore into hers with a hard look that insisted they didn’t have much else of a choice at this point. Gritting her teeth, she relented, and after a swift swipe of Cilan’s credit card and a press of a plastic room key card to his palm, they made their way to the fifth floor.

And then, he clicked the door open, and they were met with one, king-sized- and admittedly, incredibly cozy and inviting after the day they’ve had- bed.

One.

Heat rose to Burgundy’s cheeks as she stared wide-eyed at the bed, horrified by what this could mean.

Cilan cleared his throat a bit awkwardly, before taking a breath, sensing her discomfort. “I’ll call down and request to have some extra bedding sent up to assemble on the floor. You take the bed,” he offered graciously.

Burgundy looked away, guilt rushing into her system. She wished one of Georgia or Trip’s Ice-Types could suddenly materialize and blast away her seemingly permanent blush with cold air. 

“Pas besoin de ça,” she responded finally, in a quiet voice. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Cilan nodded, seamlessly hiding the relief he felt at not having to sleep, while thoroughly exhausted and chilled to the bone from the rain, on an old carpeted floor. “Only if you’re comfortable with it.”             

“BUT!” She then turned to him and jabbed a finger into his chest, angry eyes glinting. “I will personally call the League and have you excommunicated from your gym leader position if you dare lay a hand on me! I won’t fall for your tricks, sale pervers!”

Cilan smiled and bowed, then raised his right hand as if taking an oath. “I can assure you I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing.” He reached down and hauled his backpack onto the hotel desk, taking out a small toiletries pouch and a bundle of clothing. “For now, let’s get some much-needed rest.”

Burgundy’s hands balled into fists at how utterly unfazed he was by this unfortunate predicament. Waiting for him to disappear into the bathroom, she made quick work of changing into her pajamas and slid into the bed. She had to admit, she practically sunk into pillows, the warmth and softness of the bedding enveloping her like a cloud. Bitter circumstances aside, she could stand to push her pride out of the way for what probably might be the best sleep of her life.

Cilan came out, donning a modest pajama set, and set his unused toiletries down on the desk next to his backpack and pokéballs. He then turned and headed for the bed, eyeing Burgundy as he peeled back the duvet on his side, and climbed in. The pink that had since left Burgundy’s cheeks instantly returned, unfamiliar with the close proximity she now shared with her rival, of all people.  

“We could make a wall of pillows,” he suggested humorfully. 

Burgundy snorted. “Am I that repulsive to you?” 

He laughed. “Not in the slightest. I just thought it might make things more comfortable for you.”  

She frowned. “I’ll be sleeping as far away as possible regardless, you immonde créature.” She exaggeratedly scooted as far to the left side of the bed as possible, being sure to clutch the edge to avoid falling off. 

He chuckled. “Whatever works best for you.”

Burgundy rolled her eyes, before reaching over to shut off the lamp, settling in a bit more comfortably. She wondered briefly if Cilan was more of a night owl, and if he’d wanted to stay up a bit more reading or watching television or doing whatever the hell it was that he did in his free time, but now that the light was off, it was too late to go back on that. After all, it was well after 11 p.m. and she didn't need a Psychic-type to tell that he’d also had quite the taxing day. 

“Well, goodnight,” she said at last, into the dark.

“Goodnight, Burgundy,” he said back, his voice already heavy with sleep. “Sleep well.” He then shifted a bit and turned on his side, his back to her, in efforts to give her even more privacy. 

At this, Burgundy let her mind wander a bit. She couldn’t shake the weird sting of disappointment she felt. But for what? What did she think might happen? What did she want to happen?

She then heard the gentlest sound of Cilan’s breathing, and grimaced. His grace and elegance in everything, even in the simplest way he snored, both irritated and dazzled her. 

In the safety of the dark- and making sure Cilan was definitely sound asleep- an indulgent scenario came to mind. In another life, a life in which she willed herself into being amicable- perhaps even more so- with him, they were stumbling into the room after escaping the rain, slamming the door shut and engaging in a heated makeout, bowties and vests and loafers strewn carelessly along the floor, until they finally collapsed on the bed in a panting heap. In the morning, they’d wake up in each other’s arms, among a disheveled mess of sheets and dare-she-say nakedness, totally not resembling scenes she’d oftenly fantasized about seen in the movies.

A quick flash and loud clap of thunder jolted her from her reverie, and she immediately cursed herself for indulging in something so disturbing with her self-proclaimed sworn enemy not even a foot away. Bringing her hands to cover her beet-red face, she slowly inhaled and exhaled.

She wasn’t ready to come to terms with the fact that she found Cilan attractive. And she wouldn’t breathe a word of that to anyone- not even Georgia- when she could barely stand to admit it to herself. For now, the unbreakable wall would stay up, and she’d continue to excel as a successful Pokémon Connoisseuse, and use whatever future run-ins with Cilan as a grand opportunity to rub her newest achievements in his face.  

An overwhelmingly drowsy sensation was beginning to overtake her, and attempting to drown out the noise from the thunderstorm- and the noise in her mind- she mirrored Cilan’s position, flopping on her side away from him, and pressed one of the pillows to her ear, eventually giving into sleep.

-*-

Burgundy awoke to the sound of quiet rustling. Still a bit half-asleep, she slowly sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes to find Cilan, freshly showered and dressed, packing up his things and preparing bowls of pokemon food for Pansage, Crustle and Stunfisk, who sat patiently in the corner of the room. He glanced up upon hearing her stir and smiled warmly.

“Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“Fine,” she muttered, glaring up at him beneath unbrushed purple curls. “And you?”

“I slept quite well,” he replied, before faltering. “Although…”

She narrowed her eyes and raised a suspicious eyebrow. “What?”

“It’s nothing.” He chuckled a bit nervously.

She growled dangerously, eyes burning into him. “Tell me or else.”

He set down the bowl of food for Stunfisk before straightening up. “Forgive me for overstepping, but…I think you really ought to invest in a CPAP machine. I hear they help immensely with sleep apnea!” he suggested cheerily.

Burgundy gaped at him. “WHAT?! What in the world prompted you to suggest such a thing?!”

“Well…in all honesty, I thought at first it might have been the thunder, but-”

“Do I snore?!”

“Well…perhaps.”

“Do I or don’t I?!”

He paused, then sighed resignedly. “...Yes. Like an Emboar.”

Burgundy felt her face turning red for perhaps the tenth time in the past 24 hours, and instinctively grabbed a pillow and chucked it at Cilan, hitting him square in the face.

“I might’ve deserved that.”

“You also deserve the privilege of buying me breakfast,” she quipped as she got up, brushing past him to gather her things and ready herself in the bathroom.

Cilan shook his head, amused and oddly grateful for the circumstances they’d found themselves in yesterday that led to now.

“I’d like nothing more,” he said to himself, with a smile.

[husbandomail-archive]

If requests are still open could we please get some headcanons for dating Nessa and friendship headcanons for N, Red, and Riley? Complete self indulgent ask I have almost no shame in

this was getting really long, so here's the Nessa part, and I'll post the other three in their own separate post once that's done!

At first, a relationship with Nessa can be a bit difficult. Her career as a model can be incredibly demanding, and although she tries to spend time with you, Nessa isn’t willing to risk her stream of income for something that might not be serious. And then, of course, Gym season makes things even worse— having two full-time jobs is exhausting, and Nessa barely has the time to check her phone. Thankfully, she’s not interested in casual dating to begin with; when the two of you start a relationship, she intends for it to be serious. It just takes awhile to build that emotional connection, to turn it more into an actual relationship as opposed to some kind of weird business-feeling partnership. If you’re only looking for something short and fun, she’d suggest you pick a different girl.

It makes sense that she would be difficult to get to know! She’s had to deal with people only wanting to be with her because she’s famous; she was able to brawl her way into a spot as Gym Leader, and yet so many people only want her pretty face instead of caring about the actual hard work she’s put into earning her position. Once you get past her outer shell, though, she’s incredibly sweet. Nessa does her best to rearrange her schedule so she can see you more often; you’re invited to her photoshoots, and she comes to sit with you whenever she has a few minutes; when she’s walking onto the field at the start of each Gym Battle, she always knows exactly where you are in the crowd so she can wave; on days where she’s not able to push aside work to spend time with you, you get texts and pictures of everything that reminds her of you. Funnily enough, despite all the time she spends around cameras, the pictures she takes are terrible— what Pokémon is that even supposed to be—?

Nessa isn’t shy about being with you publicly. Some celebrities hide their partners, but she doesn’t care if anyone knows the two of you are together; however, she does also value privacy, so if you decide you’d rather not be on camera with her, she’ll respect that and do her best to keep you out of the public eye. She’s not too big on physical affection, but she does love holding hands— it makes her feel extra connected to you, after all the time she has to spend away. She’s also very open about her feelings, at all hours; it doesn’t make sense to just be vague when it comes to the people you love, so she doesn’t shy away from complimenting you, telling you she loves you whenever it crosses her mind.

A good way to get her flustered is with gifts. Admittedly, Nessa lives fairly comfortably, and she’s given a lot of expensive things through sponsorships or from her photoshoots— she can absolutely afford to buy whenever she has her eye on, but she’s not super materialistic, so she passes up on a lot of things. So when you present her with that necklace she was staring at in the store, she’s stunned; if you could afford it casually, she’s impressed you paid attention to something she didn’t say out loud. If you had to work and save for it, she’s floored that you put so much effort into getting something like that for her. Either way, it becomes part of her daily wardrobe, and she won’t even take it off while posing for cover photos.

[mpsansy]

Continuing with speaking to the void, hello void!! I am here to ramble about Casper again. Simply because it's still buzzing through my head, and I love building concepts and hcs. Only this time, I'll also mention other characters and their relationships with our familiar spectral.

(Note: Felt like I should mention that this is my own spin on the characters. So... yeah. Just needed to mention it cause my last ramble about Casper didn't specify that. Anyway, back to the concepts.)

-Casper doesn't scare because he can't. He most certainly can. And be great at it due to his imaginative mind, but he chooses to be honest and polite upon approach.

- However, let's say that who he's speaking to is outright mean spirited and rotten? Okay. He'll give them a fright and run them out of his home. Though admittedly, since he doesn't scare too often, he exhausts himself and will often lay down for a power nap. Do NOT disturb him.

-He sees Kat as a sister. Primarily an older sister cause he's still in the mindset of a young adolescent as opposed to her. Who works and goes to college as a young adult.

-Casper has made other friends throughout the past. And the best ones he could ever have now are monsters like him! A demon and a witch. The witch in question is named Wendy

-The demon, however, didn't have a name, but together, they came up with a name. Inferno. He seemed to like that name. It's a lot better than HotStuff, yet he uses both titles cause those are the first names he's been addressed as.

-To simplify their relationship with Casper. Wendy is like a good influence, whereas Inferno is the bad. Kind of an angel and demon on your shoulder type deal. It can be a little funny to watch if you're his uncles who want their nephew to do something dastardly and goofy.

-Inferno has a terrible time with holding back his fire abilities. Just with one touch, an object is sent ablaze. Conveniently, the things set on fire are often times undesirable to most. So he accidentally does good without realizing it.

-Opposite of Inferno, Wendy is far more than just advanced in her magic skills. She's been claimed in recent centuries as the greatest witch to live yet. What makes her achievements more sweeter is that she is one of few witches to have interacted and befriended monsters of all shapes and sizes.

-With Wendy and Inferno as his friends, they have taught him one very important lesson for his eternal afterlife. Stand up for yourself when no one will. It's a lesson that seems obvious to do, but the two really try to nail it down as Casper doesn't vocalize his true feelings.

-If a ghost were to find a place or object that seems familiar to them, something in their minds will click and send them back in time. When they were alive, experiencing the moment all over. Sometimes, it's a good feeling. Although it's a mixed bag depending on how a person lived.

-Despite being dead for a long time, Casper does have moments of discomfort. Such as looking at cliffs or frozen lakes. Naturally, he avoids them if at all possible. Something like this could be a link to how he died, but that's something he's not willing to investigate. Not if he has to relive all that.

-Casper won't say it, but he does have a favorite uncle. But to say who is immensely debatable. And something he refuses to bring up at all.

-If you've ever wondered if monsters dream, then good news! They do, in fact, dream. But one thing I'd prefess is that monster dreams are so intertwined that many beasts end up meeting each other before ever meeting in person. It's a trip that very few humans have the pleasure of participating in

-This goes with no context, but this is a list of who would kill for Casper with no arguments:

Inferno

Stretch

Stinke

Fatso

Wendy

They'd do happily if something or someone really hurt Casper. To say he'd be thrilled is, uh... well, who knows, really, cause I don't!

-The only time Casper joins in on the spooking is when it involves wannabe ghost and/or monster hunters. Cause most of them do, in fact, suck at their job and are real snobby jerks who disrespect property

-Deep within the manor is a hidden room closed off from all spirits and magic users alike. In this room is a book explaining all things Casper's father had discovered about monster life. As well as things he valued when it came to his own family that were simply irreplaceable. No one in the manor has discovered this room yet.

[docholligay]

Never Have I Ever

This is a short story collection I got as a gift quite awhile ago, and as one might expect it took forever for me to work it into my reading list because I’m just like this and I have 86 things I always want to read. 

Anyway, very glad this wasn’t a commissioned read, as I apparently have managed to lose the book somewhere between my room and pool deck, which is admittedly pretty impressive, even for me. I’m hoping it’s just under something back in the room. 

SO! Non-spoilery: This is a Filipino-American paranormal collection of stories, that leans heavily on the knowledge of FIlipino culture and creature. Like all short story collections, it’s definitely patchy, but comes in with some really beautiful stuff here and there. Yap seems to struggle a little bit with endings occasionally. 

SPOILERY: 

So I can’t actually decide if I liked this or not. Yes? But also no. I saw the pull quote from Tamsyn Muir on the cover and was like, ‘Oh great, when it came down to it, I did not like Gideon the Ninth. Fantastic” BUt there was a lot lot lot more for me in this book than Gideon. 

I CAN tell you that I wish I hadn’t been reading it poolside, because I don’t have a lot of exposure to Filipino culture and go I had to google a LOT for this collection, which I absolutely do not mind doing, I like to learn, but while I’m trying to relax in the hot spring, having to google a bunch of stuff to try and grasp the context of what’s going When I say this book requires a solid footing in Filipino culture, I mean, there are entire lines of dialogue, untranslated, in Filipino. 

It is patchy--A Spell for Foolish Hearts, for example, feels TOTALLY out of place in the collection, which is mostly darker in tone and subject, and then...we have a fluffy gay boy story in San Francisco. The story itself, while not being to my taste, isn’t BAD, just a bit saccharine--okay, a LOT bit saccharine, and it turns out he’s dating the mist of San Francisco and there’s a funky sitcom mixup that leads to a romcom style breakup and gag gag lots of you would LOVE this but it just ain’t for me-- but it feels like a friggin pothole in the interruption of the flow of the collection. The first story, which I can’t remember the name of, was, for me, very “yeah, yeah, the monstrous feminine, we’ve all seen it” and while it’s not terrible, I suppose, it doesn’t break any ground. Many of her stories end hanging, which is fine, but they feel unfinished in a way. There’s not a lot of great drop lines. Sometimes I think Yap gets real tangled up in THE MESSAGE I AM CONVEYING and it takes away from her truly good handle when she allows things to get creepy. 

Now, to stories I loved: 

Have you Heard the one about Anamaria Marquez?: This was a great story that really played into gossip and what it is to be remembered, with a fairly light touch of possession and belief. I loved the way the rumors about Anamaria’s ghost wavered from wildly ridiculous to plausible, in keeping with the ways that all high schools have a ghost and that ghost always has a tragic story. 

Asphalt, River, Mother, Child: This was maybe my favorite story in the whole thing, despite the fact that if someone accused it of being heavy-handed, I wouldn’t disagree. My friend actually said this story reminded her of my writing, which I found insanely flattering. Its about corruption and death and innocence and best intentions, and the exhaustion of compassion, how you can help so little, even if you are a goddess of sorts, but that small but still means something. 

Hurricane Heels: This is a grown up magical girl story! I could have written a variation on this idea, I fucking love it. I don’t even know that I think it’s the most artful story in the collection, but this was the story that made my friend decide to give this to me, and you know what? She’s right. 

How to Swallow the Moon: You see literally every beat of this story coming, if you’ve been around the block once or twice, but it kind of doesn’t matter. The only thing I don’t like about this story is that it’s written in second person, which is not the first time Yap does that. I don’t know if it’s to prove that she can, but there’s nothing about this story that fucking requires it to be in the second person. But, otherwise, it’s a beautiful and lyrical take on the whole ‘princess and handmaid’ type story trope, which really flattens how good I genuinely think the story is. The description in this story is as good as Yap ever gets in the whole collection, and I actually suppose if I had any other mild criticism of this story, which is once again a criticism of the collection itself, is, this story doesn’t fit. I actually think this would go better in a different collection, maybe one with Spell for Foolish Hearts, actually. I think many of y’all would love this one--nicely written stock fantasy beats, gay, happyish ending but not cloying. 

So, yeah, there we are! I guess I would say I DID like it, in general

[march-harrigan]

1, 5, 16, & 18 for Jervis Tetch aka Mad Hatter? :p

OH BOY, I'm gonna have to break out the readmore because you've just opened the floodgates! I have entirely too many opinions on this man.

Thank ya for the ask!

1 - Favourites thing(s) about this character? - It varies from version to version, honestly. But if I had to pick something consistent across most portrayals, it would just be some of the ways I relate to him.

He's obviously not neurotypical, first of all(canonically schizophrenic and there may even be some other things there. Who knows?). That's true of many rogues, of course, but Jervis is the one I recognize a lot of my own symptoms and coping mechanisms in. Particularly in the way he clings to childhood nostalgia and retreats into his fantasy world when reality gets to be too much. Albeit in the form of actual delusions depending on the media whereas I'm more of a maladaptive daydreamer.

He's also been portrayed to be very meek before he officially takes on the Mad Hatter persona. Usually feeling like he doesn't fit in with the people around him whether it's because of his physical appearance(a result of dwarfism and macrocephaly in some versions) or just the fact that he's kind of odd or immature-acting.

He feels liked he's overlooked, shunned, or actively hated for who he is, which I think is a very real experience for a lot of neurodivergent people(Although fortunately, the internet has made it a lot easier to find other people who "get" you these days).

But also, I just love the fun/whimsical aesthetic and absolute "little bastard" energy he gives off once he's started his criminal career.

-

5 - What do you not like about this character? - Addressing the creepy elephant in the room with this one. I do not like how many modern takes on the character end up being some flavor of sexual predator. Admittedly, it's partly because he's my blorbo and I don't like seeing that on his list of crimes. But I actually do have a couple of more thought out reasons for it as well.

First of all, I find DC can't be trusted with that kind of story telling most of the time if ever. I think it can be done well if it's a commentary on real world abuse or something that empowers survivors, but it usually just ends up being for shock value. Just there to make the story seem darker or edgier.

Secondly, there seems to be a pattern across media in general where schizophrenia(if it's mentioned or addressed at all) is this evil scary disorder that makes the person almost inhuman. With some rogues, there's an attempt to understand them. The things that drive them, why they were the way they are and the glimmer of hope that someday they could be helped. But then certain DC media will go and make Jervis as slimy and unforgivable as possible and it's exhausting.

I'm not 100% opposed to the idea of kidnapping "Alice" as part of a delusion(or in the case of BTAS, a poorly though out last resort). But where it would go from there in my mind is panicked realization. She's not responding properly, she lacks any personality, whatever drew him to her in the first place isn't there. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. He either falls into a deep depression or lashes out. If it's the latter, he regrets it and it hurts him deeply that his violent impulses won again. He's sobbing and apologetic(see Joker's Asylum II: Mad Hatter for one of my favorite takes on this).

He's still doing awful, terrible things, but you get more of a glimpse into his humanity and his struggles with an untreated mental illness(because let's be real, Arkham isn't doing SHIT for him) and a lack of any real support system(again... Joker's Asylum II: Mad Hatter).

-

16- What do you think would improve this character? Like, character-arc wise? - I know I keep banging on about the Joker's Asylum II portrayal, but I think it would be an excellent starting point for just. Something on the concept of a recovery or attempted recovery for Jervis.

I wanna see a dedicated storyline where he's fighting tooth and nail to be his best self! I want to see him with a proper support system, learning healthy coping mechanisms! I wanna see him make connections with other people in the real world! Even if he falls in the end, even if he reverts to crime for whatever reason and winds up back in Arkham. Just to show some real hope for him that maybe someday, he can start to recover from the more harmful symptoms and be truly happy would do my heart good.

-

18- What’s something you associate this character with? E.g. a certain colour, object or scenery? - Wonderland, hats, tea, etc. would all be the obvious of course. As well as blue/green for colors.

I've actually come to associate him with the entire concept of nostalgia, especially for fantasy stories. I also think of him when watching movies like Labyrinth or The Dark Crystal. I even have several songs from the Labyrinth soundtrack in a Spotify playlist for BTAS Jervis. Just feels right somehow.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2023-04-03

Quilt's done, let's watch some movies.

Listening: Finished catching up to 99 percent invisible, which only took me like five years of cooking, cleaning, commuting, sewing, video gaming and soldering. Admittedly it's only about half of all of those things, but hey.

There's a lot of good 99pi episodes although a lot of them are actually guest episodes, for example Finding Julia Morgan is actually from New Angle: Voice, about an early and prolific skyscraper designer.

For originals, there's the story of the Nikolai Vavilov and the Seed Potatoes of Leningrad although frankly The Anthropocene Reviewed did it better, and there's Miss Manhattan, which is the story of a prolific model who is as a result featured in a ton of architectural work, Audrey Munson.

Reading: Started qntm's Ra, spec fic hard science fantasy where magic is a precise scientific process which is primarily best understood through careful measurement and differential equations. Appealing to me as an electrical engineer, where most things are also best understood through careful measurement and differential equations.

I read the first couple chapters ages ago but didn't stick with it, it's hard to read on a computer, I ended up buying the ebook and I'm devouring it. qntm has a way with words and worlds, and an appreciation for the power of institutional knowledge and formal theory that makes his stories feel very real and grounded. Even if they open with a drunk mage blasting some muggers with a microwave thermal lance.

Watching: Triple feature, big show today. First, episode two of Dynamo Dreams is out, only a year after the first one, not bad for what is mostly a solo VFX project. Beautiful, grungy, greebled sci-fi.

My brother called me up at six in the evening like hey do you want to go see a movie, and I almost never turn that offer down despite his incredibly terrible taste in movies and TV. We saw Shazam 2, which was mediocre in uninteresting ways. If you want to enjoy it, walk out about 15 minutes before it ends and it'll at least do something bold and thoughtful. The most I can say is that it keeps track of all it's plot points and ties them all off neatly.

Finally The Edge of Tomorrow, the time loop movie from like 2014. I like time loops, they give you a lot of room to play with. Manages to handle its stakes really well and convey the exhaustion and investment of a time loop without actually playing out every loop, which is hard. Makes me want to play Elsinore.

Playing: Nothing much, I got a couple games of Valorant in with The Buds. Now that I don't have sewing to podcast through I might go back to Forza a few hours a week. It's a reliable option. That or Warframe maybe. Needs to be a game with minimal text and little strategy.

Making: The Penrose quilt is finally done, took a few months there huh.

I'm really glad it's done, I'm looking forward to actually using it once I move out. Soon hopefully.

My sewing skill has really gone up over the course of this project, sometimes I'd read or watch someone's dressmaking project and I'd think there's no way you can do consistently tight backstitch by hand for that long of a seam but no, you totally can, it's not even that hard.

Tools and Equipment: If you're going to be working with Perle cotton you really want embroidery specific needles, they've got longer eyes that are better suited to the thicker floss than conventional needles.

[thewolfisawake]

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

(Tannim!)

It's kind of split between what Tannim's nature wants and what Tannim's self wants. As an Abyssborn, even half, he has a natural draw to 'Fateweavers,' beings that have high potential to change the world around them. So these are usually those with high ambition for themselves or the world at large. But what Tannim actually cares for is wisdom. He's found that it all comes to naught if you don't have any sense and he views himself as always needing to learn and grow. Ambition he sees as a starter but not what can carry you through.

Tannim is more likely to keep trying a method. Mainly in the aspect of exhausting every angle related to that method. He also, self-admittedly, is not very bright. He can't think of too many ways to go about something so he kind of has to follow through with one he has tried with to eventually work or defer to someone that is bit more of a thinker than him. Also when he has natural strength and endurance that's as crazy as his is...it's been harder for brute forcing to completely fail him. Sooooo it's not a terrible route for him.

It really depends on what the problem is. If it is a physical problem, like something tangible like a weapon towards him, a barricade, and the like, Tannim has no issue removing the obstacle. If it is a social problem such as someone making a decision he cannot stand or a person that's berating him...Tannim is more likely to remove himself. Because of his upbringing, Tannim kinda shrivels up and makes himself small because that's how he feels in those scenarios. And a small part of him is afraid of his own feelings and rather not confront them at all. So he'll leave so basically no one wins.

[farginen]

@lovingmilitarywife​​

Gracia looked over at Riza and gave the other woman a tired smile. "I'd love to rest," she said, sitting a cup of tea in front of Riza and taking a seat on the couch herself, "but I have to keep pushing hard. It's not easy raising a three-year-old on your own, and providing for both of you."

Riza had come by to check on her and Elicia, something which Gracia was grateful for. Maes had so many wonderful friends, and many of them had become her friends too. To know that, even after his death, they came to check on her and Elicia, it made Gracia very grateful and very thankful.

It also meant that her friends had a clear view of just how run down she was. That part, Gracia was not so grateful and thankful for.

She looked down into her tea. "Maes's pension only covers so much, and will only pay out for so long. He made sure that we had enough money put back so that we would be alright for a bit, but all in all, its not quite enough." Her hands tightened around the teacup a bit. "Being a medical transcriptionist pays well, and the hours aren't terrible. I can usually get off to tend to Elicia when I need to. And it makes good use of the knowledge I gained in nursing school."

Nursing school, which she'd never finished. She had just been about a year short, but she had decided to marry Maes instead and not finish her degree. She should have gone back to finish it. Maes wouldn't have minded.  In fact, he would have cheered her on.

Just like he always did.

Maes...

Gracia shoved that thought and those emotions to the side, and shook her head. "I have to keep pushing hard, now. If I don't, I could lose my job, or fail to be there when Elicia needs me, or both." She looked back up at Riza and gave her another tired smile. "I honestly don't know if I can rest right now."

the lieutenant welcomed the cup of tea, taking in her hands and letting the heat radiating from the ceramic warm up her cold fingers as she listened attentively． ceremoniously, even． she had the feeling mrs hughes didn't get to say these things out loud very often, listening was the least she could do．

admittedly none of it was exactly unexpected to riza． many enlisted as a means of finding a stable income, access to military housing and healthcare． but even with those benefits the pay was never good, let alone for those with a family to provide for．

the salary for her rank was barely enough to keep herself and her dog afloat, which was more than okay ⸺ riza's own expenses were rather limited, having grown up well used to a rather austere life, and pretty much exclusive to black hayate's care． savings or having a family had never been part of the plan for her, she figured she would never live long enough for either．

she couldn't imagine the pension of a brigadier general going a long way for a family．

knowing gracia did not rely solely on her husband's pension was comforting, however． of course, she could not relate to the woman's circumstances as a mother but she did remember being a very small child with a widowed father struggling to keep them afloat． 

she'd been barely older than elicia was, so small and confused about why her mother was suddenly just gone． and soon the memories of her mother faded as she'd been too young to retain them, instead they were replaced by thoughts no child should be burdened with． fear and worry that she wasn't a good daughter, that her mere existence was a hindrance on her father's livelihood． as he exhausted their savings his cognisance too withered away proving in her young mind the fact of her worthlessness． 

riza had a whole lot more faith in mrs hughes, though． gracias was understandably tired, but all hope was not lost．

“ did you not finish nursing school? if you don’t mind me asking. ”   she asks finally after some time in silence while she'd been listening carefully． riza never meant to be presumptuous so her tone was that of a question, although also a guess． working as a nurse might have been an option if her schooling was completed, the pay might be better, childcare might be available．

“ you can't keep pushing hard if you don't rest. ”   riza points out, her voice equal parts firm and kind, and offering an understanding, yet rare, smile． “ what would it take for you to be able to rest a little? and for you to finish your degree ⸺ if that is something you'd be interested in. ”    she suggests tentatively, conscientious in every chosen word as not to overstep and offend gracia．truly, she just wants to help like hughes helped everyone he met．

“ if it's funding what's the problem we can figure it out, and if you need someone to look after elicia to give you more free time i'm sure something can be arranged ⸺ i wouldn't mind babysitting. i'll be out of commission for a while so i have time. ”

[maya-matlin]

How would you rank all nine OTH seasons from favorite to least favorite, no ties? S3 is my favorite but I have the fairly UO of loving S2 and S5 almost as much :)

1.) Season 3 (It's not close for me. This is easily the strongest season and OTH at its best. The show never came close to reaching the same heights again)

2.) Season 1 (In contrast to later seasons, this was a very down to earth era where everything happened organically rather than for drama or as a response to fan criticism. Watching the first season almost feels like reading a book. It all feels very well planned out and like everything that happens from the beginning is pretty much inevitable)

3.) Season 2 (The most underrated and unfairly hated season. It's literally just about Brucas, right? Even Naley fans admit that while they didn't like seeing their couple separated that the tour made for good angst and drama. But because Lucas decided he wanted Brooke instead of Peyton, oftentimes the entire season is written off even though there was so much solid character work and relationship development going on during this season. Admittedly, the loss of basketball and the soap opera tone particularly with Dan weren't the strongest aspects, but season 2 is far more good than bad)

4.) Season 4 (I have a lot of complicated feelings about season 4 and mostly find myself frustrated with the first eight episodes but once I get past that, season 4 is overall pretty great. The highs pretty much carry the season and make you forget that the lows are pretty terrible)

5.) Season 6 (Honestly, seasons 5 and 6 are practically equal for me. The reason I lean towards season 6 is that season 5 has more off putting plot points and story lines. Like, the Carrie arc. I also can't tolerate the Lucas/Peyton/Lindsey love triangle with Lucas being desperate to get married regardless of who ends up being the bride. It's exhausting, and nearly ruins Lucas's character. Season 6 at least puts a stop to the Carrie arc five episodes in and has Lucas settle down with Peyton. Otherwise, everything going on is pretty solid aside from the Mouth and Millie garbage. Nathan's comeback, the Brooke/Sam arc, seeing Brooke fall in love again, Quentin's death, Naley in general, the small amount we get of Haley's musical aspirations, etc)

6.) Season 5 (As stated before, season 5 is almost equal to season 6 for me. It does a solid job setting up the adult years and reestablishing the characters and their dynamics. Brooke is at her best in a lot of ways. I loved seeing Brooke and Lucas grow close again. Nathan and Haley come out of their separation and marital problems stronger than ever)

7.) Season 7 (It's not my favorite season, but I think both Haley's depression arc and Nathan being accused of having an affair baby are both strong story lines that center the entire show. Alex is a fun, new character, standing out to me over Clay and Quinn. Everything else is mostly underwhelming)

8.) Season 9 (The final season is pretty much carried by the return of Dan, Nathan's kidnapping, and nothing else. Who asked for Xavier to come back? Who asked for fatphobic writing? As cute as Logan was, Clay didn't need to forget an entire child. At least Chris Keller was there and Haley was allowed to be a badass)

9.) Season 8 (It's mostly a filler season. None of the story lines are great. I wouldn't call this a bad season. Compared to later seasons Riverdale, season 8 of OTH deserved an Emmy. But it's mostly just a lot of fluff and plots that don't actually matter. I can appreciate it only because 22 episode+ seasons are starting to become a rarity, but season 8 is no one's favorite or go-to season)

[nonbinaryhatboxghost]

2:33pm. Been a minute. I am still overall doing okay. The Maine trip I mentioned back in September did successfully happen. All of the stuff that was in Maine was great. I got to experience so much New England autumn. Quality time with my dad went well. My Stephen King nerddom was very much indulged. Maybe I’ll post pictures at some point.

The RI part of the visit was not so successful. Seeing my grandparents was great, but being back in the RI house that I lived in for so long was a terrible experience. I don’t think I can ever stay in that house again. Without Jack (my late family cat, he passed away this year at age 19), there’s nothing really there to hide the sad cycle that’s happening in that house.

Work bullshit continues. That is admittedly my norm now.

Personal life stuff is generally going well. My anxiety does continue trying to find ways to ruin it, but I’m doing my best to not let that happen.

I recently did a week and a half of cat-sitting/apartment-sitting for a couple friends. The cat-sitting part went great, she was a sweetheart to me. That definitely helped with the isolation part of the gig. I really didn’t think hard enough about what staying in an apartment without a car and far from my social circle would do to my brain.

I’ve accepted that December holidays no longer make me happy due to many memories of forced interactions and pressure to Do Something & Be Happy. I instead did a couple of low-key things this year that were what I wanted.

I’m feeling a bit off today because I’m doing some mild self-isolation. A friend of mine recently tested positive for COVID and while I have tested negative, and it’s been 5 days since I last saw said friend, I felt like I should be safe and stay in. It’s also cold and I’ve been so mentally exhausted from work that I’ve been using this extended weekend mostly to catch up on sleep and recharge.

But while I have done things like go to a movie theater or sometimes out to eat over the last couple months, I feel like I’m reverting a little bit to lockdown mode. Maybe it’s the rising case numbers, maybe it’s hearing about all the airline shenanigans. Maybe it’s my whole hiding-from-everything instinct that happens when I’m low or upset.

A little while ago, I became very fixated on The Weeknd. There was a live performance of his that I found from 2020. Specifically the November 2020 American Music Awards. LA was still in lockdown. He walks up and down an empty bridge street that is lined with fireworks. At the end, the camera pulls back and up and up as the city is shown behind the bridge, and The Weeknd gets smaller and smaller. Fireworks burst outside of the bridge. I have revisited this performance more times than I can count not just because of the music, but because it captures the specific time and place and feeling of lockdown for me in 2020. The Weeknd sings over and over again “save your tears for another day” as the city behind him is quiet and empty, even though there are still people there trapped inside their homes.

I keep rewatching it. I think it may be because I still feel trapped. Again, I’ve been outside, I’ve interacted with folks. But I still wear a mask at work every day and have just accepted that I’m one of the only people in the office that does that. If I’m invited to a gathering of more than half a dozen people, it is more likely that I won’t go. I left the choir I was a part of because I didn’t feel safe singing inside with a large group of folks without masks. I made the mistake of going to the zoo with a couple friends on the 26th and was completely unprepared for the LARGE number of people and families there, most of whom were unmasked. I was masked the whole time but I still felt unsafe.

Wearing a mask isn’t a problem for me. I just know that I can’t keep cutting myself off and distracting myself with fixations long-term. I need a social or creative outlet again, but I don’t feel safe enough to look for one.

On a petty note, Avatar: The Way of Water is a bad movie. I recommend not giving it money. It has enough.

[baydavesword]

I'm not sure how to start. I never saw myself as being in a relationship, I guess I could start with. It honestly just never occurred to me that, that was a normal thing I was supposed to think about. I never realized that "crushes" we're supposed to be people you want to date. I never wanted to date any of the "crushes" I've had. I don't even consider them to be crushes, as it was usually that there was something about them that I liked and sort of obsessed about. One person's hair was absolutely gorgeous, shit personality, but gorgeous hair. I thought I had a huge crush on them, turns out I was jealous of their hair.

So I've never really liked someone. Then I meet you and, this is brutally honest I'm sorry, I still didn't. Looking back I don't think I ever had a crush on you. I think it's that you were the first person to ever like me in that way and it was exciting and new and I went in headfirst. It was wrong to both of us. I don't think I was even going to like you and that hurt both of us.

I never really went in the somethings wrong with you phase, but I did understand all people didn't feel this way. Maybe it took some time to realize it, but I did. The order of everything isn't making sense, but I'm typing this out so I can hopefully fall asleep.

You hurt me and it took till very recently, after I actually broke up with you, for me to realize the extent that you did. You made me feel worthless and weak. First let me say, you're a great person and wonderful and what I say now is stuff I would never say to you or anyone out loud, it is just how I feel. So you acted like I wasn't capable of anything. If I struggled for just a second there you were, and there's nothing wrong with that. It was simply every single thing and it grated on me because maybe if you had given me a minute I would have figured it out by myself. And learned how to do it. But I didn't, because you constantly took over without my consent.

There were also jokes, which admittedly I went along with, that I couldn't do anything by myself. They were not funny. They were conceding and implied that I was useless. Which I'm not. I'm definitely not the smartest or best person, but I try and I work as hard as I can. And it is insulting that you could and would so causally destroy that little self worth I had as a joke.

You also never really asked for consent in general. The first day, not when we were together before, you did and it seemed like something important to you, but then you were out of nowhere kissing me on the bus a hundred times. Firstly, a terrible first kiss. It was on the bus, unexpected, and I had no idea what to do. Then almost every other kiss was you interrupting me as I tried to speak. Which is rude in general. I don't like kissing. I like the fanfiction though of it, but real kissing is disgusting and I would not recommend it. Maybe just me as I have a odd view on relationships in general but…

I definitely do not believe in true love or magical fist kisses. But I do think there should be a certain amount of care in first kisses. If that makes sense. They are not everything in the world, but the are an introduction to a new part of life. And truthfully you kind of ruined mine. I never enjoyed kissing, but you obviously did, as it seemed to happen every five seconds, and I felt incredibly pressured every time you did. It was exhausting, especially considering how big of a deal everyone makes it.

I'm going to try to sleep right now and might add the rest in the morning or later. Sorry for the dump, I just need to get my feelings out somehow and this seemed like the best bet.

[technoprincess]

Ode to Cigarettes

When I was a kid, I used to pretend to smoke. I don’t know why. It intrigued me. Something about it felt sophisticated and elegant. Also, naughty. I liked the exhilaration of doing something I wasn’t supposed to do. My curiosity more or less ended there. In reality, I walked up to strangers smoking and told them it would kill them and they should stop. I was not just a non smoker, I was an ANTI-smoker. Neither of my parents smoked. Their parents, my grandparents, died largely because of cigarettes and alcohol. I never met three fourths of them as a result. Only one grandma, who died this year and lived over 100 years. Quite the disparity. 

I started smoking when I was 18 years old. I fell in love for the first time. Actual love. Admittedly, I was....and maybe still am boy crazy. In this case, it was very real and very strong. In many ways it was perfect. I am extremely lucky and grateful that I wound up losing my virginity to my first love. To this day, it was some of the best sex I’ve had in my life. It set the bar high. Love and sex went hand in hand. Because of this, I have always felt very strongly about sex being accompanied by love. Sex without love is....meh. 

He had that James Dean give no fucks, wear cowboy boots, jeans, and a white tee shirt every day kind of look. His nose was always in a meaty book and he barely looked up from his books in class, the halls, lunch. He was reserved. A loner. Shy and judgmental. He often looked like he hadn’t showered with greasy wavy hair, but there was just something about him. When he made eye contact with me in the hallways I felt like I had been punched in the gut and I couldn’t maintain his gaze. He made me SO nervous. I only worked up the courage to talk to him once a year until our senior year. Each time, totally embarrassing myself. What’s funny is that he had an identical twin who was more clean cut and popular who had a crush on me, but I had zero interest. He didn’t have that inexplicable something. Something about the way he looked up at me from his book, through his greasy waves...*swoon*. He was also a certifiable genius. Half the time when I was with him and his cool older friends I had no idea what they were saying. Words I’d never heard. Topics totally out of my wheelhouse. Games of Trivial Pursuit that revealed my ineptitude for such intellectual proclivities. They would smoke. I found that having a cigarette provided me with something to do with my hands....something to do to fit in with the rest of them. That’s how it started. 

Fast forward to art school. My high school sweetheart happened to go to school at NYU and after a tearful breakup before we departed from Colorado Springs for New York, we decided to get back together since we clearly still madly in love. His rational brain was saying- this doesn’t make sense, but his heart said- I still love you. Love won out in the end, but our relationship didn’t end well, unfortunately. Despite our proximity, we grew apart. I was in Brooklyn, he was in Manhattan and we were worlds apart. On our own separate journeys, exhausted and exhilarated. When we made time to see each other, we were wiped from school and hungry for each other’s bodies. So we would fuck and sleep, basically. Stopped doing things together. Stopped growing together and started to grow apart. I could feel it happening and felt so powerless. 

Eventually, things took a really rough turn. I had a terrible mushroom trip with a dozen or so friends and we ALL were taken to the ER in a bad neighborhood about two hours into our trips. Ultimately, resulting in my parents pulling me out of art school and crushing my dreams. It’s a LONG story for another time, but suffice to say it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. And a great story, of course. ;) After I slept off this horrible experience, I begged my boyfriend to come to me. He suggested I go to him. I didn’t have the energy to debate. I hung out with him and his buddies...including the girl he would cheat on me with a few days later when he went on spring break. I was curled in the fetal position while they all played games, waiting for his attention. It didn’t come. It came a week later when he returned from his trip and told me he was breaking up with me and had cheated on me. My first real heartbreak. A doozy. 

And so, you see, I share this to make the connection. Really get into it. This association I have with cigarettes and perhaps the forgotten feelings of true love that linger in my subconscious that they activate. After all, it’s all I have left of that love. My first love and I have not spoken in 15 years or more. Perhaps I hold on to cigarettes as a way of holding on to that feeling. All consuming, passionate, true love. 

I do not love cigarettes. I loathe them. They have had control over me for longer than I care to admit. Any time I hurt, I smoke. Any time I worry, I smoke. Any time I am ashamed of myself or disappointed in myself. Whenever I drive in traffic stressed out or drive in perfect weather with the windows down just because it feels good in the moment. I’ve got excuses all day, folks. And when my heart is broken, I take it to another level. I smoke until it hurts, because a different hurt is a welcome distraction from the pain I feel in my heart. It’s a way to take control when I feel totally out of control. It’s a sickness. Addiction is a disease. 

And so, I quit. And I quit for a long time without any desire to return to it. It was only when my heart was hurt in a way it had never been hurt before that I resorted to chain smoking an entire pack and crying on the Rebar dancefloor one December night. It planted the seed. I didn’t fully start smoking again right away. I started two weeks later when I found out I was pregnant ( to which he replied “What? Do you expect me to jump up and down??” over the phone) and knew we wouldn’t have it. “If you have it, you’re going to have to find another dad.” he told me.  Of course, if we were to have had it I wouldn’t have started, but knowing that an abortion was on the horizon was terrifying and I had the nicotine lying dormant in my system from my recent relapse. Everything got really dark after that. My depression ate me alive and I finally went on a medication to help. It helped so much that it convinced me to give other medications a shot to treat my bipolar diagnosis, but it didn’t help me stop smoking. A lot of bad things eventually led to a lot of good. You may not realize it at the time, but when one door closes, another opens. 

I quit again after I left my abusive relationship. I lived with my friend John and he nursed me back to health. I began running in the arboretum every day, which was just around the corner. The neighborhood was nice and it was spring, so windows were starting to open...I didn’t want to wear out my welcome smoking on my balcony and having it waft into his neighbors homes. They all had kids. So, I decided to stop again. I made it months. I wanted to go to Burning Man as a non smoker, and I did. I made it all the way through 2019′s burn without smoking. It wasn’t until the very end that I relapsed when I had a mental breakdown, my closest guy friend took advantage of me in a vulnerable state, and made me feel used. I had to ride back with him after that and I was so upset....I just took his cigarettes off the dash and started smoking again just like that. I sure showed him, huh? Another three years of fucking smoking. Lame. 

Here I am now. Ready. Able. Capable. Addicted. I know that life is so much better without this substance and that what it really boils down to for me is self love. Loving myself enough to stop hurting myself. Enough to save myself. I don’t want to be a smoker. I want to be the best version of myself. One that smells good and isn’t a slave to a substance. I don’t want to NEED anything or anyone but myself. And so, I say adieu. Cigarettes, you robbed me of a lot of time, energy, money, opportunity, and optimum health. Luckily, our bodies are amazing and I KNOW that once I give myself a chance to heal, I will. <3