#it was incredibly satisfying after so many days of intense frustration to have problems I could so easily solve and for such grateful folks

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: May 10

"The Ghosts of Beverly Drive” by Death Cab for Cutie

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Draw your swords, pt.9

Summary: Darkling’s secrets are soon to be unveiled, just in time for a trip to the Fold.

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of alcohol, implied sexual content

Part one // Part two // Part three // Part four // Part five // Part six // Part seven // Part eight  

=================================

The Darkling walked with a spring in his step. Residents of Little Palace have gotten used to his skulking in black keftas he wore like second skin. Never before had they seen him smile as much as he did on this particular day – as if he found the secret to happiness.

In truth, the Darkling refused to let himself hope for much. He simply hoped she’d allow him to kiss her now without receiving a death threat for it. It felt incredibly dangerous how foolishly addicted he is to his fickle wife. He never wanted anyone as much as he wanted her.

“General”, Fedyor joined him on his right, while Ivan silently took his left side. They both kept a reasonable distance from Kirigan, two steps behind at all times.

“What reason did you have to knock on my door this morning?” Kirigan’s voice is leveled, but his words are a death trap. There’s nothing more the general hates than his Grisha interrupting his private time – regardless if Y/N is with him or not. Unless there’s a burning issue at hand, he disliked being bothered unnecessarily.

“We’ve intercepted a few interesting stories you might like”, Ivan responds calmly, unafraid of his temperamental general. After all the years they’ve known each other, Ivan could read Kirigan’s mood easily. Despite his discontent, Kirigan is chipper for the first time in a long time. In fact, Ivan can’t even remember the last time his general was this happy...or happy at all.

“What kind?” Darkling asked, but his attention was undeniably divided as he caught sight of Y/N. 

She walked across the hallway with a purpose – determined to raise hell and he found it incredibly sexy. She paused for a moment, her gaze meeting his briefly. When she pursed her lips, his twitched at the corners – a smile starting to form.

“Sun Summoner kind”, Fedyor spoke in a hushed voice.

Kirigan’s smile falters, his eyes leaving Y/N’s. “Follow me”, he barked on order before walking in the opposite direction. 

All his life, the Darkling had been searching for the Sun Summoner. Every whisper of their existence turned out to be nothing but a fabrication, but something felt different now.

Once inside the map room, he leaned with his palms on the table. Kirigan didn’t say anything for a moment or ask for more information, but then his mouth moved on their own accord.

“Is it true?”

Glancing at each other, Ivan and Fedyor silently argued who should deliver the news.

“I asked you a question”, the general growled out, looking at them over his shoulder and the intensity of his glare had erased his earlier happiness.

“Nothing is confirmed yet, but we have quite a lot of accounts from the people surrounding the forest.” Ivan replied.

The Darkling made a sort of a grunting noise that Ivan didn’t know what to make of. The shadows covered the windows swiftly, engulfing the room in darkness as his left eye narrowed ever so slightly.

“The forest?”

Fedyor clears his throat, “Near the border.”

“Near the fold”, Ivan adds.

“I want”, he paused. Running his fingers through his hair, his shadows killed every source of outside light. “We need to prepare for a trip to the armies stationed at the fold.”

Nodding, Ivan looked to Fedyor and his deep-set frown.

“Are we to cross?” Fedyor asks.

The Darkling’s face is stone, his eyes unblinking. “Would it be a problem for you?”

Breath caught in his throat, Fedyor’s heart started to race. “No.”

“Good”, Kirigan remarked. “Prepare everything for departure in no more than a week.”

Sending them off, the Darkling sat in his chair. He wants so many things. His fingers graze his chin as he sighs – there would be no leaving without Y/N following. It’s not in her nature to do nothing and if she learns of the reasons behind his departure, he might lose her. The path of less resistance is to convince her the trip is to prove he’s honored his promise to her. He had sent the instructions yesterday and while she did force his hand on it, he didn’t hate her for it. If he’s bound for hell, at least it’s not a false one. She hates him, but she’s honest with him. He appreciated that.

Finding the Sun Summoner will change everything – for once, he will have a partner who can understand the weight of his past choices. He regrets too many things he’s done, but he was rarely given a choice. They broke the wrong parts of him, in the end, he showed them what happens when they laid a hand on those he cares for. That included Y/N now. If anything, she was a priority. Y/N is the only one he has left in this world.

While the Darkling pondered on the possibility of a Sun Summoner being true, Y/N sat in the library with a pile of books at each side.

The lingering effect of Aleksander’s gaze upon her and his devilish smirk had warmed her up in a way she least expected. For a moment, she couldn’t tell if time stopped or her heart did.

Shaking her head, she flipped the page in frustration. Her skin still burned bright from where he touched her. No amount of bathing can erase the fact she belonged to him now.

Swallowing thickly, she groaned. In all the books she had found, barely few had any information on the shadow summoner. Aside from Morozova creatures that serve as amplifiers, Y/N found mere mentions of a black heretic and the creation of the fold.

Her neck hurt, her eyes felt like they’re being pierced with needles and there was no saving her mind from all the theories she concocted. Leaning back in her chair, she huffed. Rubbing her eyes, she slammed the book closed before standing in frustration.

She didn’t want to love Aleksander, to risk her heart and life. She didn’t want to lay in bed, always afraid of what he might do if one day she’s not careful enough and he learns the truth. Naively, she hoped he’d either stand with her or just walk away but that’s not the Kirigan she knows. He wouldn’t forgive, it’s not in his nature.

Placing the books where she can find them in the morning, she headed to her room. Genya was kind enough to send a servant with lunch, but Y/N missed dinner entirely. Engrossed in books all day, she hardly felt any hunger.

At least not the kind of hunger food could satisfy.

Walking into the room, she hadn’t expected to find Aleksander sat at the bottom of their bed….shirtless.

Standing, he narrowed his eyes at her. “You weren’t at dinner.”

She raised a brow, “Wasn’t hungry.”

Kirigan crossed his arms over his bare chest, the movement making the muscles in his stomach flicker.

“Get dressed”, she quipped.

He smiled, “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“I’m surprised you don’t have a mirror in every corner of this Palace, since you love yourself so much.”

He laughed wholeheartedly as she just turned away, clamping a hand over her mouth. She couldn’t let herself laugh with him. Every moment like this feels like the world is spinning, making her resolution fragile. She’s aching to let him in, but it would be a mistake. She feels it in his bones, he’s not honest with her.

Caring for a man like him is dangerous, like standing in the eye of a hurricane.

“We’ll leave Little Palace in a week”, Aleksander speaks, “Just as you asked of me.”

She stares at him, disbelief and joy colliding. And it’s the look in his eyes, the hopeful, terrified look in those dark skies that disarms her.

“Why do I feel like there’s a catch?”

Running the tip of his tongue along his lower lip, Aleksander takes a step closer. “You’ll ride with me.”

Pursing her lips, she nods without ever breaking eye contact. “And?”

A breathless chuckle passes his lips, “You’ll have to wear a special kefta. One that won’t let you get hurt easily.”

Taking a deep breath, she tilts her head up, “And?”

Suppressing a smile, he raises an eyebrow. “You’ll be equipped with a weapon of choice. I believe you’re more than familiar with guns as a soldier of the First army.”

Raising both eyebrows in response, she takes a step closer to him. “Swords”, she notes.

Humming, his eyes widen ever so slightly as he waits for her to continue.

“I prefer swords”, she touched his face gently with the back of her hand.

“Of course”, he breathes out. A soft smile spreads across his lips, “Draw your swords if you see an enemy in sight.”

“Even if it’s my husband?” Her lips remain parted, her eyes flickering to his chest where she raised her hand to.

“I don’t care, as long as you keep yourself safe.”

She held her breath as his words resonated with her mind. How can he be so callous one day and then offer up his life for her to take. No game had ever made her question every single word that left someone’s lips before. Sometimes she’d look at him and see through the mask he shows the world and other times she couldn’t see anything other than her own reflection in his eyes as if his soul didn’t exist at all.

“Since when do you care?” She frowns, gnawing on the inside of her cheek.

Letting out a heavy sigh, his eyes flicker to the hand she splayed against his bare chest. Just the simple touch of her hand made him want more. It was becoming too hard to pretend he hates her. What he truly hates is how human she is – what is he supposed to do when her hair turns grey and he’s still young? How will he survive when someone takes her to exact vengeance against him? Will he be too late to save her then?

When your world comes to a stop and the value of life is amplified by those dead before their time in gruesome ways, it feels like an earthquake shakes the very foundations life is built on. But when the walls start falling, past and future no longer exist, only the moment you’re in and the first person that comes to mind when those walls are gone is what your life is all about. For Aleksander, that person is Y/N.

Looking into her eyes, his hands cup her face, “Since I had to spend five days believing you’re dead.”

He wanted to wrap Y/N in his arms and tell her he would never let her walk away, not after he had a taste of what it means to be with her. He wanted to tell her his love is unconditional and that his soul is hers, even if she didn’t want to give him hers. He would wait, as patiently and as stubbornly as he did by now and that she will never lose him because even if he wished, he can’t scrub his heart clean of her. And he never wanted to.

“I thought you’d protect me?” She raised an eyebrow, teasing him.

She had become his heart, his reason to live. She lit a fire within, something he had lost over time and while she’s completely unaware of it, if the world tried to take her from him, the Darkling would wage war to make sure she remains by his side.

Blinking slow, a faint smile upon his lips, the Darkling tilts his head slightly to the left. “Would you allow it?”

There is nothing in the world he wanted more than to kiss her again, but this time around Aleksander decided to let her make the move. She is tender, but fierce. To understand a woman like her, one must realize that the former is who she is and the latter is what life demanded of her.

“Not likely”, she remarks and he throws his head back, chuckling.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she wets her lips in thought and he can’t help but think this is a well-designed trap for him to say the wrong thing and for her to use it as excuse to put distance between them rather than face her own desires and he was almost certain those desires included him.

“You want me”, he whispers in her ear as his fingertips slide up her spine and to the back of her neck, “And it’s killing you.”

“Physical attraction means nothing”, her voice is low, but unwavering.

Aleksander bites the inside of his lower lip in anticipation of her pushing him away and storming off, but even as he waits, he feels her hips press closer to him as if she’s telling him he won’t be left alone. Not again.

“Yet you’re here”, he grins. Tucking her hair behind her left ear, he admired how firm she stands in her opposition.

“So are you”, she quipped,. 

A cocky smile appears on his lips, tiny wrinkles forming around his dark eyes as he holds her gaze bravely, unwavering even when her gaze becomes a glare.

Biting her lower lip, contemplating the right move, Y/N could hardly fight her desire for him. Her head knew he it would be unwise, but her heart screamed at her to kiss him and those butterflies in her stomach felt more like killer bees as the need to feel him inside her had taken over every rational thought she generated.

One hand caressing his lean cheek, she gave into her primal instincts as she slammed her lips against his and Aleksander’s own heart leapt inside his chest. 

Their need for each other was urgent. Y/N grabbed a handful of flesh and muscle on Aleksander’s back. He gasped and laughed throatily at her haste. When her hands clawed at him again, he grasped both hands in one of his and held them over her head. She struggled to free herself, but he was too strong. When he entered her, she gasped, then moved her hips up to meet his.

He released her hands and she pulled him closer and closer to her. They made love quickly, almost harshly, before they found the sweet release they longed for. Aleksander collapsed on top of her, their bodies still joined as one when their minds gave in, slowly drifting to sleep.

Just like the previous morning, he remained in the bed, his arms wrapped around her tightly. 

She barely saw him during the day as the week progressed, but their nights were spent together – entangled mess of limbs, desperate moans and needy pleas neither held back. She’d close her eyes in his embrace and begin her day the same way.

“You don’t have much time”, Genya warned as Y/N dressed in haste. She decided to dress for the trip, it was the only way she could fit in a few hours in the library.

“I won’t be long”, she smiled at her friend.

Licking her lips, Genya took her by the hand. “What is it that you’re looking for?”

Y/N clenched her teeth, wondering if she should tell Genya. Something inside her warned against it – she didn’t tell anyone his name is Aleksander, feeling privileged to know such information. If she’s wrong and she can trust him, she didn’t want to poison anyone else with her doubt beforehand. A single book remained unread on her pile of very thick books she went through.

“Just trying to learn”, Y/N shrugged.

Nodding, Genya smiles, “In case we don’t see each other before you leave, I have to implore you to reconsider David as an ally.”

“I will”, Y/N promised and she would. Someone in Aleksander’s inner circle could be of use to her.

Going through the pages, she felt exhausted. Spending all her time in ancient books didn’t seem to be of use, but for once the text made sense. It spoke of the black heretic and the many names he’s been called in history.

“He walks the earth with a power only the saints could possess. They call him The Black Heretic, The Shadow King, The Starless Saint, Staski, Eryk, Leonid – numerous names that he exchanged for each lifetime he was given and by now it must be at least a few hundred lifetimes of darkness. His name – true name was lost throughout the centuries, occasionally heard as a whisper carried in the wind.”

Wide eyed, she read through the text of a scholar who described the Black Heretic and his powers, his entire lineage being his mother who remained unnamed and…him.

“He has no descendants?” Y/N’s lips quiver. If he has no descendants and his line begins and ends with him, how would Aleksander even exist?

Unless…

No.

It would be impossible, would it not?

“Numerous names that he exchanged for each lifetime he was given”, she reads aloud only to cover her own mouth in face of a startling epiphany. It was as she noticed the dark connection between the great mystery, the horrific realization set in.

“Pardon me, miss, but General Kirigan has sent for you”, a servant frightened her.

Taking the book in haste, Y/N stood on her shaky legs. Mouth dry, she pressed her lips in a thin line.

“Thank you”, she walked out so quickly, barely containing her quick and shallow breaths. Sweating profusely, she felt as if the black kefta she wore weighed down on her like battle armor.

Was it not her armor? Was this not a constant war she’s struggled with?

Aleksander…Kirigan…The Darkling…who is he?

“Are you ready?” Aleksander is waiting by the door with a small smile on his lips. His hand is opened for her to take, but she ignores it. If she took his hand, he’d feel the shakiness she’s trying so hard to steady.

Mounting his black stallion, she tucked the book safely inside her inner pocket.

“I’ll take the reins”, she informed him as he took his place behind her.

She heard him scoff, “I’m the general.” 

Is Aleksander even his real name?

Are the stories about him true? 

“On this side of the fold, so am I”, she gripped the reins and the stallion obeyed.

Riding a horse always helped her clear her mind, but this time it seemed impossible. 

When she married Kirigan, she believed she would marry an old, unattractive man…As it turns out, she got the old part right.

=============================

A/N - I’m not quite happy with this chapter, but I wanted to post today to keep my streak going. Also, i suck at writing a summary, like WHY IS THAT?! xD It’s Eid, so I’m tired and sleepy, forgive my grammar and prepare for things to heat up in the next chapters. Thank you all for sticking with the story and all the feedback, it honestly gives me life and will to keep writing. I also finally found the books in my native tongue, at least the Grisha trilogy and Six of crows duology and I’m really excited to dive into it and further my understanding of Darkling as a brilliantly written villain that is a multi-dimensional being with, let’s be honest, actually good points. I may not be happy about his willingness to commit mass murder, but I kinda see where he’s coming from and I really can’t wait to know more about the situation as it is in the books.  

Tags: @bruxa0007 @rangotangomango @kaitlyn2907 @thestoryofmylife9 @shelivesindaydreamswme @hxrgreeves @safetyhtom @kaqua @savannah-elliott @all-art-is-quite-useless  @azure23x @girlmadeofavocados @ashdab2611 @acciorudolphx @ladyblablabla @wckedheart @xceafh @sanna2020 @tarkanelima-blog @takethee @mellifluous-cosmos @marvel-ousnesss @tea-effect @starlightofsolaria @p3nny4urth0ught5 @blackbirddaredevil23 @sarcastic-and-cool @slytherinsbiggestproblem @within-thehollowcrown @notthatchhavi @musicconversedance @freakytillthemoon  @lgkoval @honeyofthegods @queenmalhinewahine @misselsbells06  @whatthefluffrichard @aami98 @britriestbr @itsfangirlmendes @padme-parker @readingsssssssss @runawayolives @thehighladyofasgard @emlynblack @keithseabrook27 @dailydoseofchoices @deceivedeer @olympiacosplay @pansysgirlfriend @extrakyloren  @daybleedsintonightfa11 @thoughts-and-funnies @weirdowithnobeardo @folkloresworld​

PART 10

[potionsprefect]

Next to Me

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word count: 1.1k

Summary: After the events of today, Victoria turns to the one person she needs the most. And gives him some home truths.

Category: fluff, hurt/comfort

Set after the events of Open Heart book 3 chapter 5

Victoria turned over to see the time on her bedside table. 1:21am. She had been tossing and turning all night, unable to switch her brain off, the events of today still running through her mind, each of them more painful than the last.

She still wasn’t 100% sure she had made the right decision, then again, she wasn’t sure why she was the one who had to make the final decision in the first place. Harper’s hands were tied, she was the one doing the surgery and Victoria could understand that but if Tobias and Ethan had stopped swinging their dicks for 5 minutes and helped make a decision, maybe Victoria would feel more at ease.

But as per usual, the tough choice was left to the youngest member of the team.

She shouldn’t be too surprised. Tobias and Ethan had been making digs at each other all day, not even a life changing surgery could stop them from nit picking at each other.

It was an incredibly tough decision to make, the outcome of all of it would be a tough pill to swallow. Even though Francis was breathing on his own, it would be a long road to recovery and even that wasn’t guaranteed.

Sighing heavily, Victoria grabbed her phone from the nightstand, she found his contact and text him, not expecting a reply straight away, but he was awake.

Smiling to herself, Victoria got out of bed and wrapped her dressing gown around her, then quietly made her way to the living room, careful not to wake up her roommates.

Victoria looked out the window towards the city, watching the water glisten under the moonlight. It had taken her a while to get used to living in Boston but she had grown to love the city and with Ethan now in her life, she could finally call Boston her home.

She was drifted out of her thoughts by a sharp knock at the door. Victoria opened the door to a concerned Ethan who pulled Victoria into his arms before she could shut the door.

“Better?” Ethan asked, running a hand through her hair.

“Lots.” Victoria sighed contently, taking Ethans hand and leading them to her bedroom, collapsing onto her bed with a loud sigh.

“We did all we could. It was a tragic case.” Ethan wrapped his arms tightly around his girlfriend, cupping her head with one of his hands to bring her closer to him.

“It’s just... he said he didn’t want to be in a vegetative state but he didn’t have a DNR form. So what do we do in those type of situations? Do we think short or long term?” Victoria said, her voice thick with emotion.

“I hear what you’re saying. In my experience we look at both. It was an extremely dangerous and complicated surgery Harper had to do. The main thing I would focus on is that if the patient doesn’t have a DNR form, we do everything we can for them. Even if it means leaving them in a vegetative state.” Ethan replied.

Victoria was quiet for a few minutes, taking in Ethan’s words. In a way he was right. Francis didn’t have a DNR form, therefore, everything should be done to save him.

“You’re right. I had a tough decision to make.”

“We all did.”

“No Ethan. I was the one who made the decision whilst you and Tobias were arguing like school children.” Victoria sat up and looked at Ethan.

Ethan wasn’t sure where her frustration had come from.

“What do you mean?” Ethan asked.

“You and Tobias haven’t seen eye to eye at all yet. And whilst the pair of you were going at each other like you were back in medical school, a patients life was on the line. And when you couldn’t come to a decision between you, who did you turn to? Me. The youngest diagnostics team member and the least inexperienced doctor out of you all.” Victoria furiously said.

She had tried to keep her anger at bag but she couldn’t. Too many decisions were being left to her and she was sick of it.

Ethan stared at Victoria for a few seconds, opening his mouth to speak but then ultimately closing it because he couldn’t find the words.

“I didn’t know you felt like that.” Ethan finally spoke.

“Well you wouldn’t would you? It’s not the first time I’ve had to redirect you away from irrelevant problems.” Victoria huffed looking away from Ethan. “You didn’t seem to notice that reminiscing about dates and flamenco lessons with your ex was being said right in front of your girlfriend. I thought you’d be more sensible when it came to working to Tobias but I was clearly wrong.”

Each word was a painful hit to Ethan. He had acknowledged his wrong doings when it came to discussing Harper, had he really been so careless again?

“I’ve messed up again haven’t I?” Ethan sighed, running a hand over his face.

“Yes. I just thought you would never let your rivalry with Tobias get in the way of important team decisions. You left me with the tough choice of what we should do. That’s not how a team works.” Victoria replied.

“I’m sorry Vic. I should learn from past mistakes.”

“The problem is Ethan you don’t seem to learn. How many more times will I have to keep you in check before you realise?” Victoria sighed.

“Never again. I wholeheartedly promise. I’m sorry you felt that you were left in an uncomfortable position. I promise I’ll make sure it won’t happen again.” Ethan gently took Victoria’s hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

Victoria turned to look at Ethan. His eyes looked pleading but sincere. She moved closer to him and allowed him to embrace her.

“All I ask is for you to put yourself in my shoes and understand what it’s like.” Victoria sighed.

“I promise to do so Vic. I promise with everything in me.” Ethan brushed her hair away from her forehead and pressed a gentle kiss there. “Now lie down with me. You need sleep.”

Victoria obeyed and laid down against the pillows, Ethan pulled her closer.

“You should go home. We’ve got an early shift tomorrow.” Victoria looked up at him.

“I’m staying right here next to you.” Ethan replied stroking her back.

“Aren’t you romantic.” Victoria chuckled.

“You’ve brought it out in me. You often bring out the best sides of me.” Ethan smiled.

“I’m glad I’m the only one who makes you soft.”

“Don’t go telling anyone. I have a reputation to maintain.” Ethan chuckled pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Victoria snuggled further against Ethan, the gentle rise and fall of his breaths lulling her to sleep.

“Ethan?” Victoria said.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Ethan tightened his arms around her. “I love you too.”

Satisfied, Victoria fell asleep in Ethan’s arms.

— — — — —

My take on the aftermath of yesterday’s chapter! It was so intense! I think this is where everything gets interesting.

Let me know if you would like to be tagged.

Tag list:

@ohchoices @openheartfan @queencarb @genevievemd @iemcpbchoices @choicesaddict5 @schnitzelbutterfingers @alina-yol-ramsey @stygianflood @malakemads-blog @gryffindordaughterofathena @magicalshepherdtreeprofessor @openheartfanfics @rookie-ramsey @sophxwithers @caseyvalentineramsey @romewritingshop @ethansramsey @codykosuckmytoe @mrsethanfreakingramsey @coffeeheartaddict

[quickspinner]

Killer Combo - Ch 8 Epilogue

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Epilogue | Bonus Tidbits | ART inspired by this story! |  AO3 | Fiction Master Post

Luka sat cross-legged on his bed, eyes closed, as he played the song again, listening hard for that wrong note, that chord that was just a little bit off, or whatever it was that he needed to fix. He shook his head slightly as he finished it, pressing his lips together. All the songs he’d written in the months since he’d gotten Claire back, some that he’d even been able to record in the studio thanks to his tournament winnings, and this had to be the one that didn’t want to come together. He’d been working on it the longest and it still wasn’t right, but he couldn’t figure out why. 

“I like this lovesick tune so much better than the last one,” Juleka sighed from where she was fussing with her hair in her mirror. 

“Color me shocked,” Luka chuckled, slipping Claire off and setting her carefully in her stand. “You and Casey never did get along.” 

“Yeah, well,” Juleka muttered, not looking at him. “This is why.” 

Luka raised his eyebrows slightly. “I don’t follow.”

Juleka sighed and fidgeted, nervously rearranging the things on her table. “Because I know you didn’t feel like this with her. And this is what you deserve to feel. I felt like you were settling for less than you deserved and I didn’t want that for you.”

Luka paused, considering that. She was right, he knew. He’d been happy enough with Casey, but even the best parts of his relationship with Casey paled in comparison with the things he felt for Marinette. 

He wasn’t going to admit it to Juleka’s face though. “Since when did you become the love expert?” Luka asked instead, one corner of his mouth quirking up. 

Juleka tossed her hair over her shoulder and put her nose in the air. “We all have our talents.” She shrugged. “Or maybe I’m just lying and I thought from the beginning that she was a high-maintenance, over-dramatic bitch who thought having a hot potential rock star boyfriend doting on her made her look good to her friends.” 

Luka barked a laugh and turned away to cover the sting he still felt at her words, pulling off his shirt and dropping it on his bed as he dug through his drawers for a clean one. The one he wasn’t wearing wasn’t bad, but he’d been working on deck in the sun. If he hurried, he still had enough time to shower before he went to see Marinette. He grinned stupidly at the thought.

“Are you going to play it for her?” Juleka asked, leaning her chin on one hand and giving him a knowing look. 

“I will,” he said, still smiling. “When it’s right. It’s just...not there yet. I don’t know, something’s just not quite right, it just...needs something. I’ll figure it out though.” 

“You’re going to see her now, aren’t you?” Juleka snickered, and Luka rolled his eyes. 

“She asked me to come by,” he shrugged, hoping he wasn’t blushing too much.  

“I’ll bet she did,” Juleka leered. “I bet she loves it when you come.” 

Luka rolled his eyes, snatching up the shirt he’d just changed out of and throwing it at her. “What are you, twelve?”

“Ew,” she complained, pulling off his shirt with two fingers and dropping it on the floor with an expression of disgust. 

“I’m going to shower,” he huffed on his way out the door, and shut the door quickly before Juleka could make any comment on his shower temperature or activities. He was starting to think the benefits of his own place would start to outweigh the money he was saving living at home. 

Half an hour later Luka stepped off the boat and headed toward the bakery with a grin on his face that he couldn’t have suppressed if he tried. 

Luka Couffaine had never been a big believer in fate. He didn’t believe in predetermined destinies or that he was bound to adhere to some kind of cosmic will.

He did believe he was one damn lucky bastard.

Even in the depths of frustration and betrayal and heartbreak, he’d known that. Maybe things weren’t going his way, but he was lucky in so many ways. Luka was lucky to have a family that loved and supported him. He was lucky to have grown out of his lanky teenage ugly duckling stage into a young man that many people found attractive. He was lucky to have a talent and the means and passion to pursue it. He was lucky to have connections and friends all over the local music scene who helped him out when he needed it.

He was lucky to have met Marinette.

Luka had spent a long time wondering after his plans to tour with the band went to hell in a handbasket. About whether his friends had ever really been friends. About how much of his relationship with Casey had been a lie. Had they all been users from the start, and he just hadn’t seen it? Or had their friendship been sincere, had they been content with the plan, until Xavier had come in and dazzled them with promises of something greater? Had Casey been satisfied in their relationship until Xavier was whispering in her ear about what she deserved, how she ought to be treated, and who knew what else Luka hadn’t been around to hear?

It took a lot of thinking, a lot of sad and angry songs played on borrowed guitars that never sounded quite right, a lot of long talks with his mother, and even a few with his sister, to get him out of the spiral of self-recrimination and get his focus back on the future, on what he had to do next. 

Luka hadn’t been thinking about fate or destiny or karma or even luck when he looked into Ladybug’s stunning blue eyes for the first time and shook her small hand. Oh, he’d been impressed with her from the beginning. Her entire vibe was intense and alive and she was sassy and competitive without being cruel, and she was really, really cute. But romance couldn’t have been farther from his mind at that moment. 

Then she kept being thrown in his way, spirited and determined and clearly attracted to him. Marinette had a terrible poker face, and some part of him was delighted by her blushes and glances, but he squashed down the remnant of that ugly duckling teenage boy and kept his cool. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, he wasn’t interested in a fling, and he wasn’t about to lead her on just to flatter his vanity. She dealt with enough bullshit already, so he tried to show her he liked and respected her without letting it go any further. 

Luka kept his cool right up until she was standing there, tough as nails, cute as a button, trying and utterly failing to cover up what a blow it was to have to forfeit an entire event’s worth of matches, knowing it would more than likely knock them out of the running for the finals. Marinette’s frustration was obvious, as was her care for her friend and her determination not to blame him. 

In hindsight Luka wasn’t sure if Marinette was lucky, or he was, that he was there in that moment, ready to swoop in and save the day with his impulsive decision to stand in for Max. He’d had no idea what he was getting into. Playing with her was a blast, but he already knew she was smart and capable and powerful. He could handle Ladybug. 

He was completely unprepared for Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the beating heart and passionate spirit behind that tough gamer girl front she put on. 

Luka knew he was in trouble when he left the bakery with weak knees and a frantically beating heart. 

He knew he was in deep trouble when she was sewing his hoodie on the Liberty and he began thoughtlessly composing a song to fit her. 

He knew he was doomed when she stood on the gangplank practically glowing with the sun behind her, looking at him with those big gorgeous eyes, her perfect lips curved into a sweet smile, and all the warmth of their easy companionship still fresh in his heart. 

Still, Luka had hesitated, willing to explore a tentative friendship with her but telling himself he wasn’t ready for anything more. He didn’t trust the attraction he felt towards her. Her crush on him might not even be that serious. He shouldn’t read too much into it. He would just go and compete and they would go back to being casual acquaintances and…

And then she’d taken that first step after him, reached out to him despite her obvious fear, almost expectation that he would reject her, and opened the door to so much more. 

And now he had a beautiful, impossibly sweet, deliciously passionate, insanely brilliant girlfriend with a creative mind like nothing he’d ever seen, and he was the most lovestruck, useless sap on the planet. Marinette was as dramatic as Casey had ever been, but even her drama was comfortable, accommodating, nothing she ever expected him to solve or eliminate. He just stood back and sympathized as she ranted and fumed and had her dramatic movement and then she moved on to actually solving the problem. She was incredibly driven, incredibly kind, and no matter how much time they spent together, he never wished it was less. Maybe Marinette wasn’t a musician but she was an artist, and she always seemed to know how to give him the space to pursue his own passions without ever being out of reach and every time he was with her he felt like the luckiest dumbass on the planet, whether they were doing something together or just existing near each other as they did their own thing. 

 Or making out. Oh Marinette was a fantastic kisser, sweet and attentive and exciting, tuned in to his every reaction. The height difference took some getting used to, but before long he found that he loved the way she fitted against him, the way he could curl around her, how small her hands were in his, how big his own looked on her hips or her back. She had learned impressively quickly how to tempt him into taking charge or reduce him to a pile of goo. And she made the best sounds when he returned the favor.

Focus, Luka , he told himself as he opened the door to the bakery. He’d already been on the receiving end of one gentle, if mildly embarrassing, reminder from her mother that Marinette was eighteen and could make her own choices, but that she was still younger than him and he should be cautious about pushing her into things she might not be ready for. Sabine had been so mild about it that Luka couldn’t really feel insulted, though Marinette would probably be mortified if she knew her mother had said any such thing to him. 

Still. Better not to have those kinds of thoughts in his mind just now. Luka always came into the house through the bakery so that they knew he was there, mostly as a courtesy (and partly so they would know to knock before barging into Marinette’s room). He greeted Sabine and waved at Tom in the back, then went on up the stairs.

Luka knocked on the apartment door but went ahead and let himself in, not expecting her to hear him if she was up in her room. 

Marinette wasn’t in her room, as it turned out, but in the kitchen, singing to herself as she flitted back and forth in the small space. She waved at him and he grinned, setting his bag down on the couch and coming over to her. “You came,” she smiled, stretching up on her toes as he leaned down to meet her for a quick kiss.

“You asked me to,” he pointed out, choking back a laugh at the memory of Juleka’s teasing. 

Marinette ignored him, and Luka waited until she had set down whatever mysterious baking implements she was holding before catching her wrist and pulling her close. Marinette hummed happily as he leaned down to kiss her more fully, resting her forearms on his shoulders but keeping her flour-covered hands away from him. 

Not that he would have cared. He was more than happy to let her cover him in flour paste if it meant she was holding him. This was good enough for now, though, as long as her plush lips were under his. She’d clearly been nibbling on whatever she was making and she tasted amazing. 

Marinette pulled back a little when he tried to press close to her. “Don’t, I’m dirty,” she whispered, and Luka couldn’t help laughing even as a twinge of heat shot through him. Marinette backed away from him and raised an eyebrow. 

“Sorry,” he grinned at her. “Juleka was picking on me before I left and it’s got my mind in the gutter.” 

Marinette’s eyes widened slightly and then she blushed and pouted as she thought back to what she’d said. “Juleka should keep her mouth shut,” she grumbled, turning away from him to wash her hands. 

“I couldn’t agree more,” Luka chuckled, putting his hands on her hips and stepping up so her back, which was mostly clean, was against his chest. “Why are you stress baking?” he asked, and leaned down to trail kisses along the side of her neck.

“What makes you think I’m stress b-baking?” she asked, tilting her head, breath hitching slightly as she reached blindly for a towel that was well out of her reach. 

“Mmm.” Luka reached out and snagged the towel off of the oven handle easily, putting it in her hand. Then he lifted his face and looked pointedly at the mess around them, and then back down at her. “When you’re baking from a project, you’re super organized and everything is set out carefully. You only make this kind of a mess—” He gestured down at the pile of baking dishes in the sink and then at the haphazard collection of ingredients crowded on the small counter. “—when you’re stress baking.” He returned to her neck, pressing a kiss to the hinge of her jaw. “So tell me why you’re stressed, and how I can help make it better.” 

Marinette huffed and shoved an elbow back into him. “It’s your fault to begin with,” she muttered, and Luka straightened immediately, frowning. 

“Me?” 

Marinette sighed. “Yeah, I—” She blew out a sigh and pulled away from him, turning around to face him. “I just, I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“That sounds ominous,” Luka said slowly, shifting back a little.

Marinette put her hands over her face and made a frustrated noise. “No, it’s not that bad, I’m—I’m making a big deal out of nothing.”

Luka coughed to cover the laugh that he couldn’t quite keep in, and it was a supreme act of will to say nothing.

Marinette dropped her hands and glared at him, clearly knowing what he was thinking, and reached back to untie her apron with quick, decisive movements (which shouldn’t have affected him the way it did, damnit Juleka). Once it was off, she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the kitchen behind her. “Shouldn’t we clean up?” he asked, glancing back with concern. 

“We’ll do it later,” Marinette said. 

“But your baking—” 

“I just put the dough in the fridge to chill, it’s fine,” she said, pulling him up the stairs to her room. 

Luka couldn’t say he hated where this was going but he was pretty confused. He followed Marinette up into her room, where she let go of his hand and kept walking. Taking that as his cue to stay put, Luka shut the trapdoor gently behind them and nudged the lock into place with his foot. Just in case.

“Well. I, um...I don’t know how you’re going to feel about this,” Marinette was saying, bending over a large chest in the corner of her room to get at something behind it, and Luka had to look at the floor. “And I want you to know I had nothing to do with it—well, I mean not nothing, because I did tell Jagged something about what happened with, you know, before, with XY and how he stole your music, but I didn’t use any names and I kept everything really general, it’s just I was thinking about it while I was working on his fitting and I guess I was making a mad face and he wanted to know what I was thinking about and, well I know it’s not my story to tell so I—but Jagged is so—so—” she paused, making a grunt of effort as she hauled something up and over the chest. 

“Okay, I only followed about half of that,” Luka said as evenly as he could, glancing up from his determined study of the toes of his boots just as Marinette turned to him, both hands wrapped around the handle of a heavy black case that was...very familiar in shape.

Luka looked from the guitar case in her hands to her face, uncomprehending. Marinette shrugged, and bit her lip, shuffling across the floor towards him. “It’s for you. From Jagged. Take it,” she muttered, blushing. 

That stunned him speechless. Luka took the case from her on autopilot, crossing the room to lay it on the chaise and flip up the latches as Marinette began babbling again, insisting that she didn’t deserve the credit (or the blame) for this, and then he opened the case lid and felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

Marinette shoved a chair under him just in time as his knees went weak and he sat down, bringing one hand to cover his mouth as he stared down at the sleek professional quality acoustic guitar in front of him. It was black, with Jagged Stone’s logo emblazoned off-center on the lower half in purple.

“It’s from the new line he’s sponsoring,” Marinette said uncomfortably, shifting her feet. “Not released yet,” she added quickly, before he could gather his wits enough to question her. “They sent it to him to demo and approve, and well...once he played it and decided it was good enough he gave it to me, to give to you. He said a pro should have both kinds. Which is weird, really, because I’ve never seen him play anything but an electric, but...” She cringed as Luka’s fingers hovered over the unmistakable signature scrawled up one side in some kind of glitter ink. “He insisted on signing it. I hope that’s okay.” She reached forward and plucked a note tucked into a pocket of the case and handed it to him.

Luka took it absently, still staring. He touched the guitar lightly, taking in the silky texture of the finish and the quality of the wood, the elegant shape, the gleaming hardware. It was beautiful. He loved Claire, he really did, but sometimes you needed a different sound for different songs— 

His brain screeched to a halt. A different sound. A different sound.

Marinette nudged him, startling him out of his thoughts. He unfolded the note. 

Hey kid, he read, I heard your story. Wanna be’s always hate the real deal, and you’re it. I wouldn’t blame you if you want to keep things to yourself for a while, but I’d love to hear what those songs were meant to sound like before that baby-faced nobody murdered them. If you’ve got more to share, Marinette’s got my number. 

Rock ‘n roll!

Jagged Stone

P.S. Fuck with my girl and I’ll stick this guitar where the sun don’t shine, and that’s just for starters. 

He looked up at Marinette, and she fidgeted. “You don’t have to take it,” she said weakly. 

There were about a thousand things he could have said at that moment, but what came out was, “Is this why you asked me not to bring Claire?”

Marinette shrugged, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “I didn’t know if she was the jealous type.”

Luka chuckled. Marinette always seemed fondly exasperated with his tendency to anthropomorphize his instruments, skeptical but indulgent, willing to play along without actually trying to compete with an inanimate object (one of Casey’s more annoying habits). 

“So...is it okay? You’re not...mad?” she asked, and Luka laughed weakly.

“I’m not mad,” he said, leaning back and reaching for her. She let him pull her over and sit her on his knee. “It’s amazing, Marinette, really.” He squeezed her, and trying hard not to sound like a total fanboy, asked, “Jagged really played it himself?”

“He did,” Marinette confirmed. “For over an hour. First time I’ve ever heard him play an acoustic, actually.”

“Yeah, I’m kinda sorry I missed that,” he said, leaning into her as she put her arms around him. “Jagged Stone.” He looked at the paper in his hand and shook his head slightly. “He wants to hear my music? Wow, Marinette, this is just...I’m speechless.”

“I told you, I didn’t do anything,” she mumbled, pressing her face into his neck. “I shouldn’t even have said anything to him without your permission, I just...I was distracted fitting the jacket, and I didn’t even realize I’d said it until he screamed ‘I knew that little shit didn’t have that kind of talent!’ and I nearly jumped out of my skin.” 

Luka laughed and kissed her hair, and he felt her lips curve against his skin. “Did he really say that?” 

“Mmhm,” she said, responding to his nudges against her temple by lifting her face so he could kiss her. He took his time about it, savoring her soft lips and the smooth, soft skin under his thumb as he stroked her cheek. Marinette’s hands slipped under his hoodie and he gladly shifted so she could push it down his arms and off, feeling more than a little warm as it was. His hand went to her waist instead of her face, slipping under her shirt to settle against her abs where he could feel the rippling muscle beneath the slight softness as she moved. He didn’t even know that was a thing for him until he met Marinette and now he couldn’t get enough of it. It was just more luck for him that she liked his rough hands against her skin. Her hands slid up and down his chest and over his shoulders and arms and he pressed into her touch with a little moan.

Luka loved that she understood that about him, how much he craved the connection of touch. Even before they were together, it had been a struggle to keep his hands to himself as they grew closer. The night of the party, up on the roof, he’d been so lost in a confusing whirl of emotion that he nearly felt sick, and her small, strong arms around him had grounded him, soothed him, without him even having to ask. She’d been amazing that night, beautiful and fun and temptation itself as they danced, and fire and fury as she defended him and Juleka both, and gentle and comforting when he needed her. 

Somewhere in that confusing ball of emotion it had suddenly dawned on him, with the clarity and sharpness of cut glass, that he would be an idiot to let her go, if she still wanted him. He was so lucky that she’d waited for him, that she’d had the patience to let him go and settle things with Casey, that she’d decided he was worth steeling her courage and facing up to the memory of whatever idiot had hurt her in the past. It was hard, waiting that last week, unsure and nervous but choosing to trust her, and choosing to trust his own instincts again—instincts that were telling him whatever you do, don’t let this one go. But she’d waited on him for far longer, so he could hardly refuse to wait for her. And it was...so worth it.

He was so, so lucky. 

“So, are you going to try it out?” Marinette asked, bringing him back to the moment. Her hands were still flexing against him and she was kiss-bruised and ruffled and breathless and God he had never been less interested in a new guitar, he was so stupid for her, he half-expected violins and rose petals and fucking rainbows and unicorns every time they were together. She blinked slowly, smile shifting into a smirk, and Luka swallowed hard. 

Focus.

“Only if you get off my lap,” he told her, voice a little rougher than he intended. He cleared his throat as Marinette giggled and slid off his knee. 

“What are you going to call this one?” Marinette asked, amusement plain in her face.

“I don’t know,” Luka said, lifting the guitar out of the case. He noticed with amusement the strap, and glanced knowingly up at Marinette. She blushed and shrugged, looking away.

“It had that skinny kind you don’t like,” she mumbled, “So I made a new one.” 

“I love it,” Luka grinned, unreasonably pleased by her fancy signature in gold embroidery on the inside of the strap. It took him a moment to get his stupid grin under control and slip the strap over his shoulder. 

He ran long fingers over the neck and body lightly. “I have to get to know them before I can name them,” he continued. Luka set his fingers and then strummed slowly down the strings, but he winced at the sound. He worked on the tuning, noting the silky feel of the wood under his hands, the way he hardly had to adjust his hands at all, like the guitar had been made for him. When the strings were in tune he strummed slowly down them again, and this time the sound was…

His pulse increased, and he glanced up at Marinette. “I’ve been working on something,” he said. “I wanted you to hear it, but it wasn’t quite right. I think I’d like to try it now, if that’s okay.”  

“Oh,” Marinette blinked, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Of course.”

Luka moved the guitar case and slid onto the chaise, patting the spot next to him. Marinette sat down, fidgeting with her fingers and watching him with gratifying anticipation. It always gave him a thrill, to see how eager she was to hear him play.

Luka set his fingers on the fretboard again, took a settling breath, and played the song he’d been crafting and refining in his mind since the day she came to practice at the boat. 

Marinette gasped quietly, and laid her hand over her heart, closing her eyes. Luka let his own lids fall as he played, though the instrument wasn’t quite familiar enough yet for him to close them all the way. 

He knew as soon as he began that he wasn’t wrong, that this was what he’d been missing and trying to find all this time. The melody was just right, but the sound had been off. Ladybug might be the jangling twang and sassy attitude of the electric, flashy and exciting, but Marinette...Marinette was the mellow, sweet sound of the acoustic, authentic and sincere. Simple, but quality, resonating with craftsmanship and passion and warmth. He took a shaky breath as he listened to the last chord resonate and fade away, and then lifted his eyes to hers.  

She swallowed at the look he was giving her, and then whispered, “How was it?” 

“Perfect,” he breathed, gazing at her with all the wonder and love she inspired in him. “Absolutely perfect.” 

“Great,” she said breathlessly. “Now put it down.” 

Luka did, setting it carefully in its case, and before he’d even straightened up all the way Marinette was crawling onto him. She straddled his lap and took his face in her hands, as she kissed him hard, drawing an answering passion from him. Luka wrapped his arms around her, drawing her as close as he could get her, overwhelmed and overflowing with feelings he couldn’t contain or ignore. 

He wanted to be sure she understood, though. He’d been told before that some things had to be said out loud, and Luka didn’t want to mess this up. 

“Hey,” he mumbled, as soon as he had space to, but Marinette was kissing him again before he could get any more out. She made an inquisitive noise, moving her kisses to his jaw so he could speak, but Luka pulled back gently, just enough to be able to look her in the eye—in those beautiful, breathtaking eyes, and he had to swallow hard before he could speak. “I love you,” he breathed, and Marinette’s smile shone like the sun.

“I know, silly,” she said, rubbing her nose along his, and then she nodded at the guitar. “I heard you the first time.”

He felt the slow, stupid grin spreading across his face. 

It made Marinette blush from her collar to her hairline, and she kissed him again fiercely. “I can’t say it as beautifully as you did,” she whispered against his lips, “But I love you too.” Then she yelped as Luka moved suddenly, dumping her off his lap back onto the chaise. Marinette moved back against the arm, shifting to accommodate him automatically as he crawled over her; by now they had plenty of practice arranging themselves in the small space.

“Is this all right?” Luka asked, even as she was running her hands appreciatively over his arms braced on either side of her.

“It’s perfect,” she sighed, leaning up to meet him as he kissed her, intent on showing her just how lucky he felt to know her, to hold her, to love her.

It was totally worth the lecture they got from Tom for leaving a mess in the kitchen.

[puddygeeks]

𝑊𝑎𝑟 𝑂𝑓 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠 - 𝐶𝑟𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑠, 𝑆𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑟 𝑅𝑒𝑖𝑑 𝑥 𝑂𝐶 - 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 1 : 𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑜

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary:  𝐴𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠. 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝐴𝑈 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦, 𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡.

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Spencer Reid x OC

Status: Ongoing

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑑𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑏𝑒 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑢𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟, 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑏𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 & 𝑠𝑒𝑥𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑏𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝐴𝑈'𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘. 𝐼𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑢𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑑, 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤.

Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ: Pʀᴇ Sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 1

Chapter One

The smell of stale coffee was overpowering, almost more so than the lack of daylight in the room. Overworking was common practice here and as such, caffeine addiction was deeply ingrained into our culture. I was relieved to have my own office to allow me to focus away from the highly strung teams that depended on me. Topping up my teacup from the pot, I continued to scan my eyes through the various databases in search of something to provide us with a lead. 

My eyelids were heavy from exhaustion as I battled to hold my concentration and almost jumped out of my chair as a shrill phone rang from the back of the desk. It was a secure line that I’d set up a while ago, but seldom ever used and I quickly got to my feet to close the door before picking up the handset.

“Wonderland.” The careful voice announced a code that prompted a smile to fill my lips and I was immediately flooded with a warm sense of appreciation as I recognised them.

“Well, it’s been some time since I heard that.” I muttered curtly, settling back into my seat and a small satisfied sound on the other end of the line seemed to indicate that she was relieved to have confirmed my identity. “You’re certainly working late, aren’t you?”

“You know how it is. Monsters to catch.” Penelope sighed, allowing me the chance to catch the fatigue in her voice that likely would have been easily missed by anyone else. “Speaking of which, I have a problem.” She confessed, causing me to lean forward with riveted interest. 

“We’ve got one of your boys causing mayhem over here. Your agents are keeping suspiciously schtum on it, territorial as ever. My team wants to stick with the case. I can’t ask for official permission to access Interpol files when we’ve been told to drop it, but if I could just get five minutes in the system…” She trailed off suggestively and I chuckled lightly to myself.

“You’re losing your touch, My Queen. I would have expected you to have found your way in already.” I teased, referring to the name that I’d once known her by as I set to work on bringing up the files of the case. I didn’t need specifics to clarify, I knew exactly which criminal my team was after that had required them to fly to the States to investigate and I heard her sigh.

“Any other time, you know that I would hack first and deny knowledge later, but I can’t plead ignorance on something that we’ve already been clearly told to stay away from.” She groaned, her frustration obvious even over the phone and I began typing rapidly as a plan formulated in my mind.

“I can’t allow access to a foreign agency, my dear. The other techs would rat me out before you’d even found anything.” I explained, chewing on my lip as I entered line after line of code in an attempt to outsmart my colleagues with techniques that would never be used in an official capacity. “However, if a back door was accidentally left open during maintenance, I couldn’t be held responsible for anything that might creep in.” I thought aloud as I sped through screens with a wicked smile, knowing that I could easily avoid any blame this way.

“I’ve assigned all of the correct credentials. Anything that you access will appear as if it’s me doing admin in the case, but be careful. It’s a very limited disguise that won’t last long if anyone starts to dig at it. I can keep our techs busy for a little while, but you know that subtly isn’t my strong suit. Get out before you’re noticed.” I instructed as I entered the last few commands and could already hear her making preparations for the task.

“Oh, sweetheart. I will be gone before they even know what hit them.” She breezed, her voice filled with a confidence that was contagious and I took a deep breath as I allowed it to pass onto me.

“Launching now.” I confirmed, as I entered the final key and my screen began filling with pages of data. “Make it worthwhile. Catch the bastard.”

--⥈--

“You think it’s an inside agent?”

My sector chief stared me down with an intensely disbelieving expression and I struggled to keep my nervousness from showing. It was incredibly nerve wracking to suggest this in a team where I was already the odd one out, but I couldn’t allow my own insecurities to prevent us from getting justice. Ever since I had started here, I’d had the deep rooted feeling that none of my colleagues approved of the decision to recruit someone who should have been arrested and the disdain always seemed most powerful when addressing the man before me.

“That is my belief, Sir.” I answered, hoping that he wouldn’t notice my false confidence and I forced myself to hold his gaze as he crossed his arms. “Valeno has successfully dodged every digital trap that I’ve laid. He’s avoided multiple agencies now and essentially vanished without a trace. It wouldn’t be possible to achieve that without inside knowledge of the measures that we are taking.” I explained, carefully presenting my theory and he remained unmoved as he studied me, causing me to gulp in discomfort.

“Find me proof, Hawthorne. I can’t call a witch hunt based on your bitterness against this team.” Shepard responded coldly, turning his back on me without another word to take a seat at his desk and I gulped down the anger that I felt at this unfair accusation. When I remained rooted to the spot in confusion, he simply gestured for me to show myself out.

I stomped back to my office with my cheeks burning in humiliation and closed the door behind me so that I could sink down against it with my face in my hands. It was endlessly frustrating to have invested so much time into pursuing this trafficking ring, only to have them continuously avoid capture. I was exhausted by this case, unable to remember my last day off since I was assigned to it and I could feel that I was running out of ideas, as I faced a heart breaking lack of support.

A loud alert on my computer pulled me from my wallowing and I rushed into my seat with interest. Flashing on my screen was a warning that made my stomach lurch and I stared at it with wide eyes. After months of silence, someone had finally accessed one of the booby trapped files.

I jumped into action, entering commands at lightning speed and became determined to capture whomever it was that had been defeating me for many long months. They were quick, evading my tactics with ease and I found myself engaged in a maddening game of digital hide and seek in the various systems. It was immediately clear that I was dealing with a professional and I cursed under my breath as I strained to keep up with them, setting fresh traps as I worked in the hope of preventing their escape.

“Oh no you don’t, you little bugger! Not today!” I hissed under my breath, feeling sweet on my brow as I fretted that one wrong move could lose them forever.

As I watched them evade my tracking, then jump straight into blocking me out with expert knowledge, a memory stirred in the back of my mind. The theory rapidly took hold and I wasted no time in throwing out a manoeuvre that I knew would cause a bolt of familiarity if the culprit was who I suspected. Barely moments later, my screen fizzled in error, before displaying a bizarre Tetris overlay that could only be the signature of one person and I gasped, reaching for the phone in a fluster. I could hardly dial the number properly with my shaking hands and stumbled over my words as they answered hurriedly.

“Tell me that you’re the person flooding my system with Tetris right now!” I spat, cutting her off before she could even speak and I heard the noisy typing on the other end rapidly stop.

“I knew it! You’re the only hacker I know that would use Alice in Wonderland riddles to throw me off!” Penelope gasped with excitement and I released a breath that I didn’t even know I had been holding in relief. It had been almost six months since I last heard her voice and although I would usually be pleased to speak to her, I couldn’t help a wave of disappointment at the realisation that I hadn’t caught anyone connected to the case. 

“Well done, Reid! I just almost hacked our best chance of cracking your sicko lady thief. Thank god for your crazy book memory.” I heard her chatting to someone in the background and cleared my throat to regain her attention.

“I’d recognise those moves anywhere. You’re the only person that aggressive in code. What are you doing in my case?” I asked, rubbing at my temples in confusion and though I could hear someone barraging her with questions about who she was talking to, she remained obediently focused on me.

“Your case? I’m researching an abduction for the team.” She revealed, sounding as if she hadn’t even realised what was happening yet and I felt my eyes widen in horror. “Wait a second. Interpol is on this?” She breathed, causing sounds of shock to echo from whoever was in her background and I leapt to my feet as my thoughts bounced around in my mind.

“Penelope, I need you to send me everything you have. Right now! I think you’ve got a much bigger problem on your hands than you even know.” I ordered, flicking through the case files that covered my desk in a fluster and without a moment of hesitation, the details began to pop up on my screen. As I acknowledged the matching signature to the photos on my desk, I held a hand to my mouth in shock. 

“Valeno.” I whispered as adrenaline shot through my entire body and I grabbed my phone as I began marching through the halls of the office. “Get your Unit Chief ready for a call. I’m taking this to the chief now.” I instructed, before hanging up and striding confidently back toward the office that I’d been so rudely dismissed from a short while ago.

Without awaiting permission, I barged inside and switched on the monitor on the wall. I flicked it to the channel that connected to my station and displayed the crime scene photos that were sent by Penelope. At first, Shepard seemed irritated by the brashness of my approach, but as I flicked through the photos with a determined energy, understanding dawned on his features. 

“Look familiar?” I suggested, before spreading the case files out on the table to further explain my point. “Every single detail, exactly the same. Matching victimology, no forensics detected at the scene, no ransom. He’s back.” I insisted, pointing out each fact with a passion that I had rarely allowed to show since I joined this role and he stared up at the screen with conviction.

“Where?”

“Virginia, United States. It’s just like I said. He’s trying to hop jurisdiction to exploit the black spots between agencies and avoid detection.” I explained, feeling equally validated and frustrated that my theory had been correct. This meant that more lives had been destroyed by this man and the realisation caused a wave of nausea to wash over me.

“Sir, the FBI are late to this. They’re only just linking the abductions together. We could get ahead of him this time, if we assisted.” I appealed, holding my hands out in exasperation and he finally tore his eyes from the screen to examine me with an unreadable face.

“You have contact with the team?” He enquired curiously and I nodded in confirmation.

“Yes, Sir. Their Unit Chief is waiting for your call.” I presented, afraid to move a single muscle for risk of damaging the fragile alliance and after a few minutes of tense silence, he finally sighed.

“Set up the meeting through Lucy.” He instructed, causing me to almost run from the room to find our case coordinator, before he called out to stop me.

“If they accept our support, we’ll be heading over to join the team.” He stated calmly and I held my breath as I paused on the spot. “You know his patterns better than anyone. You think you can catch this mole?”

“Yes, Sir.” I asserted, the words escaping my lips before I’d even had the chance to consider them and for the first time, he softened his expression as he viewed me.

“Then you’d better get ready to travel. You’ll be joining us.”

--⥈--

There was something awfully intimidating about entering the FBI headquarters, despite my own professional background. I hesitated at the back of the team, unsure about the etiquette of these kinds of scenarios as I’d never worked on a shared agency case in person, unlike the others. My skills were shared between multiple Interpol teams and as a result, I didn’t have a bond with anyone, especially not in the group that I’d travelled with.

The rest of the agents seemed completely at home as they stepped out of the elevator and made a beeline for the main BAU office, whilst I slowed to a stop in the reception, feeling too overwhelmed to continue.

Everything felt immensely bigger than I was used to and the entire process had been so rushed that I’d hardly had a chance to process any of it. This was my first visit to the States at all in many years and I couldn’t catch up with the emotional effect of this. I brushed the hair that had escaped my scruffy braid out of my face and attempted to straighten out my clothes, convinced that I appeared completely haggard after being made to attend the office straight from a long flight. 

I took a deep breath and forced myself to push open the glass doors to join my team, only to be ambushed before I could.

“Wonderland!” An excitable voice cheered from my side and I turned to find a very colourful woman with a huge mane of bright blonde hair barrelling toward me.

“Penelope Von Troublemaker.” I chuckled as she swept me into a hug that almost knocked me from my already unsteady feet. She smelt fruity and fresh as she squeezed the life out of me and I wheezed for breath.

“It’s wonderful to see you at last, but I really do need to breathe, my dear.” I wheezed, prompting her to quickly jump back, leaving only her hands on my shoulders as she beamed at me.

“You’re so pretty, even more so in person! And classy too. Look at you in your head to toe black chic. I love it.” She breathed, scanning my full appearance with excitement radiating off her in waves and I managed a nervous smile in response. I still remembered Penelope as a late teen with an attitude problem, who often engaged me in fierce competition and was glad to find that adulthood had encouraged her to embrace her natural sparkle.

“Sir. I’m going to take Alice straight to my office to set up, okay? Cool. Thanks.” She called over toward the rest of the office carelessly, pulling me along behind her without even awaiting a response and I couldn’t help giggling to myself as I followed.

Penelope’s office was exactly what I had imagined, full of the same sunshine attitude that she radiated. Her desk was littered with cute figures, bright photos and pen pots filled with fuzzy tipped biros. She had more screens mounted all over the walls than I could even have applied for permission for at Interpol and I noticed that there was a small space at one end of the surface which was completely clear, with a second office chair tucked under it.

“You’re gonna be right here, next to me. If we’re gonna beat this guy, I figured we should team up, just like the old days.” She explained with a fond smile and I felt myself relaxing already in her warm company. “Just go ahead and drop your laptop stuff there and then I can show you where to store the rest of your stuff until we can take you to your hotel.” She instructed, indicating to my small case.

“Oh. This is everything that I have with me.” I answered bashfully, shuffling inside to begin setting up my laptop in the space indicated, whilst Penelope studied me with confusion.

“You don’t have a separate go bag?” She investigated, seeming thoroughly shocked by how little I had with me and I shrugged in return.

“I don’t really ‘go’, Penelope.” I chuckled as I busied myself with plugging everything in and noticed that her expression seemed concerned now. “I didn’t have much notice. I grabbed all of my casefiles and the laptop stuff that I could carry, and then just whatever personal items I could think of. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not as well presented as you expected. I don’t travel much nowadays.” I added, hoping that this would settle her curiosity but instead she took a seat beside me and scrutinised me thoroughly.

“Why not? Hotch and Gideon even send me out when I’m needed and I don’t have a psychology degree.” She commented as she raised her brows at me, as if she needed to remind me of my own education and I simply shrugged avoidantly. “Are Interpol not making good use of you, Sugar? Whose career do I need to ruin?” She threatened, already seeming riled by the idea and I smiled at her protectiveness.

“It’s more complicated than that. Let’s crack this case and then we get into personal catch ups later, okay?” I suggested, much to her disappointment and my relief, we settled into work.

We spent the next hour comparing information and plotting possible traps, whilst Shepard and the rest of my team busied themselves with integrating into the local team and finding places to work. It was refreshing to work alongside someone for a change and having her input prompted new ideas. 

After a while, the phone rang and Penelope leaned over to answer it on speakerphone so that she could continue examining the document that was between us.

“Hey, baby girl. Tell me you’ve got some good news for me.” A deep voice crooned, causing my attention to bolt upward in confusion, only to find Penelope smirking in satisfaction.

“Well, gorgeous, that I do. I am still 100% single, interested and available for dinner whenever you need.” She announced, earning a chuckle from the man on the line and I quirked a brow at her inquisitively. 

“Also, the Interpol team just arrived. So I have now upgraded to the office of Unrivalled Girl Power, baby.” She added with delight and I felt my curiosity growing by the minute as she spoke.

“That was fast. Alright, Gideon and I will make our way back now. This lead was a bust.” He confirmed, revealing that he was actually a member of her team and I raised my brows in surprise at her demeanour.

“Don’t keep me waiting too long.” She drawled in a husky tone, before hanging up and attempting to return to her work with a smile. I playfully slapped her hands away from the files and thinned my eyes at her.

“I’m sorry. Are you really going to try to gloss over that? Explain, please!” I insisted, leaning closer to her in fascination and she chuckled as she shook her head dismissively. “Who was that, Penelope?” I gasped, feeling as if I might explode from the mystery and she attempted to swat me away.

“That was Derek Morgan. He’s one of the behavioural analysts and a dear friend.” She began, only causing my brows to raise impossibly further and she leaned closer into me to lower her voice. “He’s also an absolute hunk of a man, but you’ll see that in a bit.” She winked, suppressing a cheeky cackle and I felt my mouth drop open in shock.

“And do you speak to all of your dear friends like that, or is he special? He sounds special.” I hissed, grilling her like an excited teenager again, falling straight back into our old friendship as if no time had passed at all and she laughed heartily.

“Oh, please. Nothing wrong with a little workplace flirtation to brighten the day. You know what I mean! You work in Europe. You’re surrounded by romance.” She muttered dismissively as she returned her attention to her screens and I shook my head.

“I absolutely do not! You have no idea, Nels. Europe is not inherently romantic.” I drawled, rolling my eyes at her ignorance and she glanced back at me with a disbelieving smirk. 

“I’m serious. Most of the men at Interpol either think that they’re the real life incarnation of James Bond, collecting as many Bond girls as possible, or they’re married to their work. It’s honestly rather dull. Nothing like you and Agent Morgan. That conversation sounded like a lot more than just playful banter to me. You two have chemistry!” I insisted, a smug smile filling my lips as I viewed her and she quickly brushed me off.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ally.” She breathed, the slightest hint of a blush filling her cheeks and I made a mental note to revisit this later. “We need to get our strategy ready. Hotch will call a meeting once Morgan and Gideon get back.”

“Garcia, do you have the suspect list that I asked you to pull? I want to run through it before the meeting.” A voice interrupted from the door and I turned to find a tall, slim young man waiting keenly.

“Oh, yes! Let me just get it printed for you.” Penelope answered, pushing the files aside to access her keyboard. “I’m sorry. I got distracted with helping Alice to settle in.” She added, before glancing at me to realise that he and I were looking at each other with interest.

“Ah, of course! Alice, this is Dr Spencer Reid, one of our behavioural analysts. Reid, this is Alice Hawthorne from Interpol. She’s a very old friend.” Penelope introduced with a flourish before returning to her task and I jumped to my feet to shake his hand, only for him to wave awkwardly instead. Though it was an interesting quirk, I was relieved as I hated contact with strangers and was glad that I would have at least one less person that I would have to endure it with. 

“You’re the hacker with the Alice in Wonderland riddles?” He offered, viewing me with interest and I felt my cheeks turning pink the moment that I met his hypnotising hazel eyes. Now I recognised his voice from my call with Garcia and remembered the questions he’d been asking in the background after his rather embarrassing introduction to my work.

“Um, yes. I don’t usually do that. I had a feeling that it was Penelope and I knew that she would understand that. Or at least, I hoped that she would.” I offered, shuffling awkwardly on the spot and he nodded in understanding.

He was dressed remarkably smart compared to many of the other FBI agents, but still had an air of his own style about him that interested me. His neatly combed back hair complimented his handsomely chiselled features and I soon found myself struggling for something to say. I already considered myself to be somewhat socially challenged, but especially when it came to interacting with someone who was unexpectedly well matched to everything that I found attractive, I was a hot mess.

“It’s an interesting choice. Did you know that it was actually rated as one of the world's most influential novels? It’s full of nonsensical rhymes that could easily be used to create a rather complicated ruse, as not many people would know the answers offhand.” He complimented in what I assumed was an attempt to make me feel better about my rather childish tactics and I smiled in appreciation of his kindness.

“There’s actually a rare disorder named after it that is characterised by distortions of visual perception, the body image and the experience of time.” He began to explain and I couldn’t keep myself from interrupting him in excitement.

“Todd’s Syndrome, or dysmetropsia, right?” I interjected, causing his brows to shoot up in surprise and Penelope actually paused what she was doing to turn and look at us both in disbelief. “I’ve never encountered it, but I did study it in depth. It was actually the topic of my dissertation at university.” I clarified, causing a wide smile to spread across his face as he considered me and I could feel Penelope smirking at me from my peripheral vision.

“Your suspect list, Reid?” She offered, clearing her throat as she leaned toward him with a piece of paper and he seemed to shake himself back to reality to take it.

“Yes. Thank you, Garcia.” He blustered, taking it from her in a distracted manner and running his finger down the page at an impossible speed to have actually read anything. Before I could question this, he glanced back up in shock and his posture became alarmed. “I have to get this to Hotch. Nice to meet you, Alice!” He called as he rushed from the room and left Penelope and I silently communicating our confusion to each other.

“Okay, Miss Thing. You can’t sit there and tell me that you don’t flirt at work, and then do that right in front of me.” She crooned, looking after Reid with a mischievous appreciation and I turned back to face her with a shrug, hoping that I could conceal my bashful reaction. “Oh, you want to play innocent? I see how it is. Well, I’m not fooled. I know what I saw and I’m not one to forget.”

[morsmoon]

Okay so this is a rewrite bc tumblr mobile is horrible. I want to start with a disclaimer bc I’m not a professional and most of what I’ve learned can be found online (I use my intuition and knowledge of you from your blogs too). The conclusions I come to might be different than what a more experienced astrologer would or I might be way off base, but I did put in effort so I hope some of it resonates. Idrk how to do a full chart reading (I feel like charts can be read endlessly tbh), so I’ll just be covering the broad strokes of what really jumps out at me.

Something you might want to look into is your Chiron placement. Chiron is considered the “wounded healer” asteroid and has to do with a perpetual/recurring wound you encounter in your life. It’s something you struggle with personally, but can help others with bc of your experiences. Your Chiron is in Libra in the 11th house. This tells me you face a lot of difficulties in your social life. Libra has a lot to do with personal relationships, and the 11th house is about community/friends/etc. This combined with Scorpio ruling your 12th house makes things tricky. The 12th house rules over a variety of things, one of them being hidden enemies. With Scorpio here, your enemies will likely be manipulative and possibly psychologically abusive. This makes a lot of sense to me bc I feel you desperately want to find good and trustworthy friends but you’ve dealt with “fake friends”/betrayals in the past so you struggle with trust.

But! You also have a very prominent Pluto. Pluto covers a lot of stuff like finances, death, sex, rebirth/regeneration, etc. Being in the 1st house means that your Pluto is very influential all by itself (the 1st house has to do with the self). Your Pluto also happens to have quite a few aspects to it as well (and almost all of them being favorable [trines and sextiles]). Pluto’s prominence means you have a great capacity for healing and regeneration, you rise from the ashes again and again. Another thing that makes Pluto so prominent for you is that it forms a grand trine with Mars and Saturn (a grand trine is an aspect pattern between 3 objects where each object forms a trine with the other 2 objects making an equilateral triangle, grand trines are very influential in a chart). This is an awesome place to have a grand trine imo. The trine between Pluto and Saturn indicates a knack for growing despite (or maybe bc of) obstacles/hardship (Saturn rules over restrictions/challenges/limitations/etc). The trine between Pluto and Mars gives you a drive for regrowth/regeneration; you may get knocked down, but you get up every time determined to be better than you were before. The trine between Saturn and Mars makes you a bit hard headed when it comes to facing problems. You can be like a dog with a bone bc you won’t stop until you feel you’ve “won” or solved whatever it is. This grand trine (between Saturn Mars, and Pluto) says to me that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Also, these 3 planets are all masculine, which might contribute to the masculine/dominant energy you have. Pluto has a lot to do with that too. Pluto being in your 1st gives you those Scorpio vibes everyone gets from you. Pluto here makes you come off as very intense, dark, and powerful (this is also in a sexual sense, which might explain why so many tops/doms say they would bottom/sub for you lol). Pluto also has to do with obsession and possessiveness, so you could be prone to those things or to being on the receiving end of them.

You also have a grand trine with Saturn, Mars, and your Ascendant (all fire signs btw lol, so much fire). Having these masculine planets in fire placements aspecting your ascendant, which is also a fire placement, means you come across as strong willed and ready to face adversity (this would be on first impression, but based on the first grand trine I mentioned, this is an accurate first impression and these things are integral to you). Having such prominent aspects to planets in fire signs means that you embody a lot of fire sign qualities despite being a Virgo sun.

The two grand trines plus your Mercury make me think that your professional potential is incredible. Mercury rules over things like thought process and communication, and yours is in Virgo and the 10th house. Virgo is ruled by Mercury naturally, so yours is very strong here. The 10th house is generally seen as the house of career, meaning your career would have something to do with thinking/communication (this makes sense to me bc psychology revolves heavily around those things). I also think it’s pretty interesting that you had to learn a second language to go to uni, and you managed to despite feeling that English didn’t come naturally to you. In my mind, that’s the Saturn/Mars/Pluto grand trine and your Mercury placement showing their potential to work together. Mercury was in retrograde when you were born, tho, which can be difficult to deal with. You often feel misunderstood by others or that they aren’t getting what you’re trying to communicate. You might feel like the words you’re using as a speaker make total sense, but they don’t quite get the meaning across to the listener (and/or vice versa). While having Mercury in retrograde in your chart can be frustrating, it means you have unique thoughts and perspectives. I bet you’ve heard astro people complain about Mercury going into retrograde and how it’s gonna mess with them, right? Typically it will mess with a person’s ability to communicate/think clearly (it does with me lmao), but since you were born when Mercury was in retrograde, you thrive during those times.

Your Mercury squares your Moon, which means that you struggle to communicate regarding your own emotions especially. Your Moon also squares your Sun, which means you might experience some dissonance between your feelings/emotional needs and how your ego determines you act to express those feelings/get those needs met. I think that your Mercury, these aspects (Mercury square Moon, Moon square Sun), and your Leo Venus and Mars contribute a lot to the struggles your Chiron presents. You like to be the “funny friend” in your group, and maybe a bit of the “mom friend”. These roles satisfy the dominant elements in your chart (fire and earth). Being funny allows for quick gratification; most people smile or laugh pretty soon after something funny is said/done. It also lets you be the center of attention in a way that feels comfortable to you bc it’s under your control. These things satisfy the fiery parts of yourself (especially your Leo Mars and Venus). It also satisfies the earthy parts of you bc laughter/smiles are pretty concrete reactions that are difficult to fake and they’re easily quantifiable. You might take on a parental role in your friend group too (I say this bc you seem like an assertive but caring person, as shown by the trines, Leo placements, Sun, and your Moon in the 1st). Both of these roles allow you to take on a position of power in your interactions. I see comedians as leading their audience’s reactions (I feel the “mom friend” power dynamic doesn’t need explained). I think these things might be why you feel drained after a group hangout. By being the funny/mom friend, you put in a lot of effort but only get a portion of what you need. These roles put you in a position of power. Yes, they are still somewhat emotional interactions, but they don’t allow for much vulnerability on your part. Your Chiron placement and your Leo Mars/Venus make me think that you want to feel in control or that you have a power advantage bc it makes you feel safer. These placements also tell me that to feel fulfilled, you need your relationships/interactions to be more balanced/mutual/reciprocal bc you crave a safe place to have intimacy and be a little more vulnerable. It’s very important to you that the vulnerability that allows for intimacy is given by choice. I think maybe in the past that choice to be vulnerable was taken from you, or that you were possibly vulnerable with someone who had bad intentions and took advantage. This plus your Pluto could contribute to why you have certain preferences in the bedroom too (idw be nsfw, but certain some more intense stuff allows participants to be both vulnerable and in control, iykyk). I think this need for control/power might also be why you hold onto your anger and grudges so tightly. Letting yourself feel hurt means admitting vulnerability, and you might be prone to using anger to cover/protect that hurt instead so feel you have more control over your emotions.

You’ve asked before why you attract so many water signs and I think all that might contribute. Water dominant people tend to enjoy nurturing, emotional, touchy-feely stuff and they can likely sense that you need it on some level even if you aren’t comfortable with it. You also have the Moon and Pluto in the 1st house, which makes your emotions very strong (water dominants can be drawn to that). The Moon and Pluto are also rulers of water signs (the Moon rules Cancer and Pluto is the primary ruler of Scorpio); having them in the first house gives you some watery vibes even tho you don’t have almost any water in your chart. That might actually be something to look into (having the ruler of your 8th house in your 1st and the ruler of your 12th house in your 1st). I read up a little on that, but I’m still pretty new to interpreting sign rulers’ meanings when they’re in a house not ruled by their own sign (that was so confusing to type, idk if it makes sense).

Omg that was a lot to rewrite (I wrote way more than I planned the first time but I was so curious I couldn’t help myself and then I felt like I had to include everything I could remember bc I spent most of my day doing this lmfaoooo, I can’t imagine the people who do whole chart interpretations holy fuck). I’m so glad tumblr doesn’t limit the # of ask characters anymore lol, gotta be grateful for the small stuff. I feel like this doesn’t flow quite like it did the first time I wrote it, but I hope you can follow it and that it makes sense anyways. I hope none of it was too personal or somehow offensive, I know sometimes when I read about my own placements/aspects that I feel like I’m being totally dragged lmao. Lmk if any of it is accurate! I’ve never actually done any sort of chart interpretation of anyone other than myself so I’m very curious as to whether or not anything resonates. Tysm for letting me see your chart! I had a lot of fun reading it and writing this (even tho tumblr mobile was dumb) so I hope you enjoy it

Bro this is truly fascinating and amazing! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my chart and write this message. I appreciate it a lot!!

I'm sorry for the late answer but I needed some time to truly understand your words. I've reread this message at least 10 times lmaoo my attention span is so bad sometimes it's embarrassing. Anyways this has to be one of the best anons I've ever gotten. It's insightful and sincere and I truly appreciate it. It's so accurate that it's kinda scary tbh like wow this is 1000% spot on. Every time I read it I was like "wow this explains a lot wow what the fuck".

I'm impressed and I don't say that often. You made me feel seen and validated. I can't comment on your knowledge because I literally know nothing about this lmao so I'll just trust you and go along with it. I'm definitely gonna bookmark it and read it again in the future.

Now I know why a lot of people associate me with Scorpio and fire elements. It does explain a lot about my desires, vibes and behavior. I wish I knew more so I could have a conversation with you about all this but it'd be embarrassing because I'm dumb lmao

Thank you so much. You've got my whole chart so feel free to use it for practice lmao I can be your study case I guess ✊😳

[levi-ackerman-rp]

Levi Headcanon- NSFW Alphabet.

Inspired by @fairy-tail-babes (sorry lovely, had no idea!)

Warning the following contains explicit/graphic content not suitable for anyone under 18.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

This differs very much depending on the session that you have had. Though one thing that is always consistent is the clean up. He hates mess, and though bodily fluids doesn't bother him as much as dirt, grease and mould etc, it is still unpleasant for him. Regardless of how exhausted you are, he will force you to clean up, often sharing a shower with you and more than happy to help wash you down while kissing your back and whispering soft words to you. If you have had a particularly rough or intense session, expect a lot of love to follow, playing with your hair, kissing and cuddling and tending to any marks he may have left... before he forces you to move so he can change the sheets. Cuddling afterwards is not optional. He will stay with you until you fall asleep and then make his way to his office to finish work. Or, very rarely, will doze off with you.

B= Body part (their fave body part of theirs and also their partners)

Levi absolutely loves your legs. He is not much of a boob man, definitely more of an ass guy, but he goes weak at the knees for a sexy set of legs. He likes the way they look in uniform, and loves how they look out of it. There's something about the way he fits between your legs and the way they wrap tightly around him that he finds incredibly sexy. But nothing quite beats the way they quiver against his head when he's going down on you.

Levi is indifferent when it concerns his own body. He acknowledges that he is surrounded by countless men who may or may not possess a body equal to his own. But if he had to choose a favourite body part it would be his abdomen. It has absolutely nothing to do with his muscles, he is not blind, and can recognise that other men are taller, broader or more ripped than him. It is more to do with the fact that he didn't realise how sensitive this area of his body was until he met you. The way your fingers glide down his body, nails teasing the skin beneath makes him shiver everytime. The gentle kisses or playful nips makes his insides churn in the most delicious ways. And he loves it when you pull him closer by the waist.

C= Cum (anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Levi is certainly not afraid to get down and dirty between the sheets. Though he will not sit there and lie in the mess that has been made during your trysts, he is not put off by it at the time. Bodily fluids are less disgusting to him than other forms of dirt, and frankly, he finds nothing disgusting about his body or yours. He loves it when you swallow what he gives you, delighting in the needy moans you make, like you have been hungry for it for weeks. When he is feeling particularly dominant, you won't have a say. He will grip your hair and hold you in place until you fulfil his wishes and lick him clean. He also thoroughly enjoys cuming on you, whether it be your face, chest, stomach, ass or back. He likes to leave his mark on you, even if he is eager to clean you up afterwards.

And obviously, he is happy to indulge you. He is at his most unrestrained when he is fucking you senseless or eating you out and does not hold back. He loves when he slides his hand between your legs and finds that you are already slick for him, though he will tease you about it, he secretly loves that he has such an affect on you. He will often use your own juices to coat his cock before fucking you and absolutely loves the way you taste.

D= Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Levi secretly wonders what it would be like to be submissive. It has never crossed his mind before, but he sees how much you enjoy it and can't help but wonder what it would feel like. One night he broached the subject with you, and your eyes lit up like a fucking god damn Christmas tree. He instantly knew he was going to regret ever bringing this up.

E= Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Levi has very little experience, well at least that was the case before he met you. But he is a quick learner and eager to please. He is incredibly perceptive, attentive to your reactions during sex and quickly learns exactly what you like and how to make you come undone. Though even when he was inexperienced he never failed to satisfy. Levi is a determined man, and is not easily deterred, more than willing to keep going until he was certain you were completely satisfied.

F= Favourite position

Levi finds it difficult to pick one position that he favours the most as it very much depends on the mood at the time. Some times he craves the intimacy, and wants to be able to kiss you and press as much of his body to you as he possibly can. Other nights he wants to bend you over and fuck you hard and fast. A good go to for him, is the 'G-Whizz' where your legs rest on his shoulders as he fucks you. Not only does this allow for deep penetration, but he is able to watch your reactions to tell when you're close to orgasm. His hands are also free to tangle in your hair, stroke your face, squeeze your throat, or pinch your nipples.

Other positions he likes include the 'downward dog', and the 'lapdance.' He will sometimes turn you around in this position so he can pull your hair or play with your clit while fucking you. He is a strong man, so he also has no qualms with hoisting you up and fucking you standing up. On very rare occasions he will let you ride him cowgirl/reverse cowgirl style. Though he is a power bottom and will often push you forward when in the reverse position halfway through and take over.

G= Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Levi tends to be serious. Especially at first. You need to understand that it takes a lot for Levi to open up and share his more vulnerable side. It's a big deal for him, so jokes will not go down well. And if you try, he will find a way to shut you up. Whether it be fucking you so hard you can't focus or hissing out an angry 'Shut up' while covering your mouth. However, when he is more comfortable, he will not be afraid to tease you. His mouth is filthy at the best of times, and that doesn't change when you are in bed. Don't attempt to tease him back though...

H= Hair (how well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc)

Being the clean freak he is, you can bet he takes extreme care of himself. He is not particularly hairy anyway, but likes to ensure he is smooth all over. He feels gross if he isn't able to keep on top of it. He also prefers his partner the same way, though he would never outright order it.

I= Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

When Levi is really feeling the moment, he is incredibly, deceptively intimate. The night before an expedition, tends to bring out the softer side to Levi. He fucks you so slowly and tenderly, a sharp contrast to his usual rough and demanding pace. He will entwine his fingers with yours and whisper words of love and adoration in your ear for hours, kissing your skin and enjoying you thoroughly, as if it's the last time he will ever get to hold you like this. The night after an expedition, when you are both safe back at base, he just wants to hold you close and remind you both you’re still alive and have each other. He likes to give you exactly what you deserve and feel a real connection to you.

On a day to day basis though, his affections are much more diluted. He will kiss and cuddle with you and caress you. Not every session with Levi is demanding and rough, though even on the nights where he is taking his time, it is equally as intense. The level of intimacy relies heavily on Levi's mood, as with many things, but he is never cold or uncaring with you. He gives you his full attention every time.

J= Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Levi doesn't masturbate. It's not that he never has, but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't need to anymore since being with you. He doesn't see the point in maturbating when he can just wait until you are free. He has a high level of self control, and isn't a teenage boy, unable to control himself. He would much prefer to wait out his frustration and unleash on you later.

K= Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Levi's main kink is BDSM and all that comes along with it. He would never dream of doing something that you don't consent to, and his attentiveness certainly comes in handy here. He loves the feeling of being in control, and loves it even more that you trust him so explicitly. Calling him Sir or Captain is just as hot to him as you moaning his name. Safe words are a must, and if you are gagged, he will give you something to hold, instructing you to drop it immediately if you want to stop. He loves to tie you up and have you completely at his mercy. Impact play, sensation play, gagging, breath play. It's all good as long as it's good for the both of you. He constantly checks in with you, leaning close and whispering 'Are you okay?' In your ear.

He has got no problem dragging these times out and making you beg and scream and cry for release. But don't you dare cum without his permission. He knows your limits, and though he sometimes pushes your boundaries, he never, ever oversteps. He is not particularly fond of degradation, but will comply if it is what you want. And despite him not really liking it, he is very fucking good at it. That filthy mouth...

L=Location (favourite places to do the do)

Levi sees nothing wrong with fucking you in the bedroom. It is comfortable, private and clean. However he also doesn't mind taking advantage in his shower either. It's convenient.

He is not into PDA, so anything public is usually out of the question. Though he has been convinced on a couple of occasions to fuck you somewhere semi-public. Against a tree, on the roof... he tries to keep it out of his office, not wanting to mix work and pleasure, but sometimes, he will snap. Levi has a lot of self control, but even he has his breaking points. He absolutely will not fuck you anywhere dirty or in plain sight.

M= Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

This will depend again on his mood. He loves the confidence you have, and when he is in a good mood, nothing will get him going more than for you to just walk upto him, wrap your arms around him and tell him exactly what you want and how badly you want it. If he is stressed though, it takes a bit more work, but he is susceptible to touches and whispers in his ear. He likes to know that you want him as much as he wants you, and sometimes he will play hard to get just to hear more, especially if you have came to him at a bad time. But knowing how desperate you are for him turns him on no end and he knows he will give in eventually, once he has made you work for it.

N= NO (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Levi likes to please and is open to most things. He will give most things a try, even if he doesn't see the appeal or thinks it is pointless. Anything public, such as sex in public or humiliation is out of the question, and he draws the line at inflicting excessive pain and knows exactly where to draw the line. He is also not a fan of roleplay and outfits as he just can't take it seriously. However, sexy lingerie is perfectly safe.

Spitting is also a hard limit, unless it's on his dick.

O= Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Most of the time when receiving oral, Levi is pretty rough and demanding. He likes to control the pace himself, and even if he starts off by gently guiding you, he soon loses his cool and will grip your hair or chin and fuck your face recklessly. He loves it when you gag around him and you maintain eye contact while swallowing him down. He also enjoys seeing his cum paint the inside of your mouth, always commenting on how filthy you are, though obviously he doesn't mean it. He usually ties you up for the occassion. Though he is rough and unrelenting, he makes sure to give you plenty of breathing opportunities. Partly for your benefit, partly because he wants to draw it out. Unless you come to him while he is working. He loves these times just as much. When you walk into his office and drop to your knees for him and silently show him just how much you want him.

However, he tends to prefer giving oral than receiving. Levi is quite selfless, and absolutely loves to hear your sounds of satisfaction, knowing that he is the one ripping them from you. He is skilled, and can bring you to the edge in a matter of minutes, though he rarely let's you cum straight away, and will quite happily edge you for hours. He wants you begging and pleading for it. Wants you squirming and practically grinding your pussy on his face before he finally gives you what you want. You taste fucking good so he rarely stops at just one round. Expect multiple orgasms when he is feeling this generous. He loves feeling your thighs twitch around his face, hearing the praise fall from your lips and fingers tug on his hair. But get too rough with him and he will not hesitate to deliver a sharp slap to those beautiful thighs.

P= Pace (are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)

Levi can do either, and do them very well. You never know what you're getting yourself in for unless it has been made quite clear throughout the day. If he has been extra loving, you can pretty much guarantee a sensual and intense evening of passion. If you have been teasing him all day, expect a solid pounding. He is predominantly more fast, rough and vigorous, but has been known to surprise you on occasions.

Q= Quickie (their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Levi is not a fan of quickies. He doesn't see the need of them. As stated before he likes to take his time and draw things out, he likes to thoroughly enjoy you, and he can't do that in ten minutes. He would much rather wait and pick you a part piece by piece. If you are being particularly persistent, he will have you sit on the edge of his desk with your legs spread wide while he fingers you, whispering all sorts of sinful things in your ear. But you had better finish fast. His time is precious, and if he is busy, he has got no qualms sending you on your way before you cum.

He will make it up to you later though. Several times over.

But actual quickies are exceedingly rare.

R= Risk (are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc)

Levi is generally open to experiment with you, though it does depend. He likes to talk about ideas first, and won't be too happy if you spring something unexpected on him. He also won't be willing to try something new if he has had a particularly rough day. In terms of risk, he is calculated and logical. He will rarely take a risk, although, if it is something you are really, really into he may be persuaded, if you catch him at the right time.

S= Stamina (how many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Levi is a man with inexhaustible stamina. Very much the kind of guy who will fight all day and fuck all night. Though he doesn't necessarily feel the need to fuck you very often, when he does, it is pretty much impossible to ignore. And he makes sure you know it too. He will exhaust you in the best ways possible. But he knows your limits, and will stop when you need him to. He is also not a selfish lover, so is more than happy to keep you cuming with his tongue and fingers for a few rounds. He also likes to break up a round with a lot of foreplay and kisses. Once you've both finished, he will kiss you and cuddle you and tease you, working you back into a frenzied state before fucking you again.

And if your sex drive is higher than his, he will happily indulge you in anyway you desire. It doesn't take long for him to get worked up. Even if he wasn't in the mood before he saw you, a few choice words and touches in the right places will certainly change his mind.

T= Toy (do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner of themselves?)

Levi is open to the idea of you having toys and if you beg him enough, he might indulge you and buy you a couple. But he will be the one to use them on you first. He thoroughly enjoys tying you to the bed and having his way with you, and using a toy on you is just as exhilarating. He loves to watch your body arch and tremble and the vibrations are a great way to get you over stimulated. Whether he is fucking you with it while his lips are wrapped around your clit or fucking you while the vibrator teases you he doesn't care. Both work for him.

But he has his rules. If you ever want to use your toy without him, you need his permission. He secretly likes it when you go to his office begging for release, even if he pretends he doesn't and gives you a hard time about it. More often than not, he will tell you no and to go back to bed... and then will make you wait ten minutes before joining you and giving you exactly what you want himself.

U= Unfair (how much do they like to tease)

Levi has amazing patience and self control so it’s no surprise he’s into a lot of overstimulation and edging. Absolute tease. He loves to watch you get worked up. He will kiss and touch you in such a way it will leave you soaked before he even gets to the good stuff. He’ll edge you until you’re sobbing and then just as it gets too much, he’ll make you cum so hard you end up squirting everywhere. He knows your limits, so even if you're begging for release, chances are he isn't going to give in if he knows he can push you further, especially if you have been naughty. He loves how desperate you get for him, how you practically throw your self respect away and become a quivering mess in his hands. He is strong enough to hold you down and force orgasm after orgasm from you, no matter how much you beg him to stop. And he will always taunt you.

V= Volume (how loud are they, what sounds they make)

Levi is not particularly vocal. His noises tend to be more restrained, gasps, pants and soft groans here and there. But he can talk dirty for days. He knows exactly what to say and how to say it to make you weak at the knees and will happily use this against you. Lots of cursing, filth and praise all in equal measures. And he loves to hear the noises you make. Don't even try to muffle them, because he will know, and he will act accordingly to ensure you break.

W= Wild card (get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Levi likes to leave his marks on you in visible places. He may not be willing to make it known you're his in public by kissing you or holding your hand, but leaving his mark is his way of making sure everyone knows you are off limits. He can be possessive when his jealousy is incited, which is incredibly rare as he trusts you completely and is confident enough in himself to know nothing would ever happen. But once in a blue moon he will go all out and litter your neck with purple and red marks. Just to be sure.

X=X-ray (let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Considering his height, Levi has an impressive dick. He is by no means huge, just slightly above average. His skin is smooth and creamy with a slightly flushed light pink tip.

Y= Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

As previously mentioned, Levi's sex drive is below average, but he is also not a selfish man. He is more than happy to cater to your needs should you have a higher sex drive than him, and is more than capable in keeping up. He has always been busy and his past has forced him to view sex differently than most men. However, when he finally opens up and realises it's not all bad, his sex drive will increase slightly.

Z= ZZZ (…how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

This again will depend on Levi's mood. If he has had a particularly rough day, and is tired or has no work left to do, he will lie with you and cuddle you until you fall asleep, and then follow suit about ten minutes later. If he isn't tired, or has things to do, he will still cuddle you until you're asleep and then kiss you before leaving to finish his work. He likes to make sure you are comfortable, safe and warm before leaving, and only ever goes to the office adjoining his bedroom so he is close by if you need him. He loves how peaceful you look when you're asleep.

[drmedicsgamesurgery]

Danganronpa Togami Volume 3 Part 14 (Summary) (Finale)

Finally finished! What an incredible journey. Stay til the end for my analysis!

Thanks to @enoshima-pyon @shockersalvage​​ @jinjojess​​ @hopeymchope​​ @ blackflirtlarping

Coda - Byakuya-sama is God

Monday.

Byakuya Togami is walking towards Hope Peak’s Academy.

There are other Super High School Level students who are walking around him. They are also on their way to school. Such a scene seems to say that talent itself does not have any privilege, which makes Byakuya happy. Their so-called talent is just a ticket, used to catch the train to victory. If they have no ticket, then they take a car. With no car, they can walk with their own feet. In order to make your life head towards victory, as what analyzing the data determines, it depends on personal effort. That’s what Byakuya believes.

There was an unspeakable voice behind him.

That is the voice of the Junko Enoshima, and she is from the 78th class of Hope’s Peak Academy just like Byakuya.

"Hello, Byakuya! You have such a pained look so early this morning! You are a hero! Can’t you be a little more heroic again? Hahaha!"

"Don't you know how to say a hello that sounds more suitable for the morning? I have a headache."

To be precise, a headache had started since he returned to Japan and continued to this day. For Togami who claimed to be "Super High School Level Perfection", health management mistakes should not exist.

"The voice of Junko is full of charm from morning to night! Anyways, I have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Your life. Haven’t you been arrested or tried?"

"Oh, I am the one who saved the world."

That weekend, a young man, Orvin Elevator, triggered the "World Domination Proclamation" to make the world head towards destruction. The long-standing resentment and the naive desire to conquer the world drove him to carry out the incident.

Orvin Elevator pretending to be Byakuya Togami, using the power of being leader of the World Health Organization's Infectious Disease Control and Prevention Unit, spread seeds of chaos including the "Despair Novel" all around the world. However, he found the wrong opponent...at least Togami thought so from the bottom of his heart. Togami, who happened to be in the Czech Republic, experienced a series of extraordinary adventures, unveiled the truth of the "Despair Novel" and arrested Orvin Elevator, proving his innocence. In this way, he became the hero to save the world, but for Togami himself, this was just a slightly busy weekend.

The world is not over.

Conquering the world had not been successful.

Same as before.

"Speaking of which, saving the world is great!!" Enoshima put her face together. "To tell the truth, I really looked down on you before!"

"It’s very annoying to hear you say that so clearly."

"Although I didn't leave Japan, I was still also a partner who saved the world with you! Yeah, the smart and cute Junko earns another gold medal, all while working hard towards the next magazine! Gah, but there’s still no time to eat that popular pocky!!!” A noise came from the rear. Looking back, Sonia Nevermind was sitting on a golden cow cart that looked stupid. A boy with a hat and a fierce look was sweating and pulling the cart forward.

"Listen to me! I saved the king of the world! And the people of this world's heads were lifted higher than before and they all bowed and bowed and bowed!!!...Ah,aren’t they our juniors? Good Morning!"

Sonia poked her head out of the swaying cart.

"Hey, idiot princess, it’s so early you’ll wake the dead. Besides, and this is no boast by any means, it was just me who saved the world. You were just next to me."

"Togami, are you alone this morning?"

"I have always been a person to go to school alone."

"Yes, it looks like you have no friends at school."

"It’s very annoying to hear you say that so clearly."

"Hey, hey, hey - too heavy..." The boy who pulled the cow cart was about to get dizzy. "Ah, you, you misunderstood! I don't mean that Miss Sonia is too heavy. And, I don't want to use the face to feel the weight of Miss Sonia. Honest!"

"So Togami, I wish you a good day."

Sonia ignored the boy and waved her hand. The cow cart drove forward.Togami and Enoshima, who was still there, carried an unspeakable mood as they walked along the road leading to  Hope’s Peak Academy.

"This result...the world is still not over," after a while, Enoshima whispered. "I actually have some expectations."

"Is it true that you believe in eschatology?"

"That's not it. I think if the world really ends, I want to see what it is. Don’t you have such a desire?"

"No." He replied without hesitation. "A person who wants to see the end of the world just proves that person is dissatisfied with reality, just like the one who created the 'World Domination Proclamation"

"I forgot pretty much everything. What happened to the culprit of the incident?"

"I have forgotten the details...I only heard that he went mad in prison. He has been chanting some inexplicable words. Presumably, he is very difficult to appear in court for trial."

"What a boring end! Now I’m in despair!!"

On the other hand, Enoshima stretched out and suddenly found Ikusaba in front of them, "Oh, it’s my sister, alright Togami, see you at the classroom--" she says and ran off towards Ikusaba. Although the sisters did not look like each other, they looked very good together and they walked away.

Togami walked into the school. There were many students in the corridor. In the eyes of Togami, they are all dull in appearance without exception. Peaceful life, boring days, ordinary campus life. This boring scenery Togami is satisfied with. In this world of mediocrity and temptation, he is able to act quickly and he is satisfied.

He found a girl standing opposite the corridor waiting to be there. The girl wearing a Gothic Lolita style costume was his classmate Celes...or to be accurate, it was Celestia Ludenberg.

"Good morning, Togami. Your walking posture is as proud as usual."

"I don't want to be picky about my walking posture," Togami felt that there were a lot of people who greeted him today. "What about Yamada?"

"I am not always with Yamada-kun. Not to mention, I checked my account and my reward was received."

"Oh, a Togami never lies."

"This way I am one step closer to my dreams."

"Don't mention any dreams. The people I met this weekend liked to talk about their dreams. I have had enough of that topic."

"Then I’ll change the subject and give you a piece of advice before entering the classroom."

"Advice?"

"The classmates in our class plan to hold a surprise party to celebrate you, Togami. The moment when you enter the classroom, you will be greeted with a lot of confetti, a lot of paper guns and a thank you on the blackboard. Togami-kun'."

"...A rare surprise. Why should you tell me specifically?"

"Was that an accident? I thought you didn’t like any surprises.”

"The activities planned by the fools are also the obligations of those who are in high positions."

"It's really sympathetic. Say Togami, have you heard that rumor?"

The tone of Celes changed.

"Rumor? What's the matter? Explain."

"Thanks to you, world peace has been restored...but the gunpowder-like 'Parade' is still going on, and it is hard to say whether there will be another incident similar to this in the future, so the school has strengthened its guards in order shield itself against despair.Togami, you should have heard the rumors of the 'Hope’s Peak Academy Shelter Project'?"

“'The Hope’s Peak Academy Shelter Project'?”

"In order to protect the students they’ll turn the campus into a fortress. That is the rumor."

"This joke is not very clever, and the idea is too outdated."

That was his feeling from the bottom of his heart. The countermeasures made in the movies filmed during the Cold War would be better than this.

"In my opinion, this is not a joke. I don't care if the world is ruined, but if the world is over, things will be troubled because my dreams have not yet been realized."

"Oh, don't worry about that, as long as I am there, the world will not end."

"Ha ha."

"What's so funny?"

"No, just thinking of something funny..." Celes pressed her head. "As long as I try to think about what happened in the Czech Republic, I get a migraine. It must be because the time spent with Yamada was too long. In order to vent some pressure, I’ll have to scold him."

Having finished all that she wanted to say Celes left. As he walked up the stairs, Togami intended to think about the "Hope’s Peak Academy Shelter Project" that he just heard about, but his thoughts were a mess. His own thinking became dull, which gave Togami a sense of unease. He, finally, went to the classroom.

Then he discovered Toko Fukawa.

With a gloomy expression on her face, Fukawa walked forward and complained: "Why, why do people want to move things?" Looking at it, she held a cardboard box in her hands.

"Fukawa, what is in the box?"

"B-B-B-B!!!!!"

"No strange noises, I am asking you what is in the box."

"B-B-B-Byakuya this is...a cat’s body!!"

"Sickening."

"I picked it up by the river!"

"Is it a gadget intended to surprise me?"

"You! How do you know!?"

"Don't think there is any concealment in front of Togami."

Togami replied before the cardboard box fell from the hand of Fukawa. She lowered her head in frustration. The gloomy expression was deteriorating further. The long braids hung down on the floor of the corridor, and her whole body revealed intense sadness.

"It's finished ————.......I proposed this 'Big Battle Plan To Hold A Surprise Party In Order To Grasp The Heart Of Byakuya-sama'. I couldn’t stop myself from leaking it, and I don’t even know why I leaked it. It is completely over. What----"

"I have heard about it already."

"My veins are not enough. I really want to cut my hands..."

"Oh, don't worry, Fukawa, there will be a surprise party."

"What?"

"It is also my duty to make fools happy."

"Hey."

"Are you really going to it with that kind of reaction? ."

"Oh, hehehehehehehehehehehe, Byakuya-sama You are too gentle, really, really!! I can’t bear it!, The mouth of my uterus has opened ————...!"

Fukawa's eyes turned into heart-shapes. With a smile on her face, she tried to pick up the box, but suddenly she screamed and held her wrist.

"Are you hurt?"

"Yes...my wrist is sprained. It seemed  to have been hurt in the Czech Republic. D-Definitely from the guy behind it...hey, why did this happen to me?"

"Regardless, you have completed your mission. Although you may not remember it."

"Is that right?"

"You have contributed to my work."

"You are too polite. Even if you didn't have me, you solved this incident perfectly."

"That is, of course, correct. Having said that, I was only able to solve the ‘World Domination Proclamation’ because this task happened to me at the right time. If the position or situation at that time was different, the protagonist would not have been me. The act of saving the world was just good opportunity

"You have saved the world, yet you’re so modest! How great!--...!"

"Don't come near me."

"I will follow you forever!"

"Don't drool."

"As long as the body fluid is of Byakuya-sama, I can drink it!"

"Don't say such a terrible thing. Will you try even now to make a move on me with your hand sprained?"

"Yeah, ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah?!"

"How old are you? So noisy. What happened this time?"

"This, this gentle composition of Byakuya-sama is going on 100% ! Am...am I dreaming?" Fukawa pulled her face to its limit. "Still, it's looking as if the world might be facing rapid destruction by almost next week's time. What do you think??"

"If it really becomes like that, it will be your turn to protect the world. You will prove it to me that the word 'hope' in you is not for show."

"I can't do that kind of thing...all I can do is be beside Byakuya-sama, everywhere, just like the air."

"Which air will you express yourself as?"

"I will become a vacuum! Become nothing!"

"Hey, listen, Fukawa. In quantum mechanics, a vacuum is not equal to nothingness."

"What are you talking about?"

"A vacuum will rise and fall, and the matter will continue to appear and disappear."

"I’m just a liberal arts student...I can't imagine it."

"I would like to make an analogy, for example, say your close friend is dead."

"Byakuya-sama, don't die!!"

"I said that it’s an analogy. Also, my relationship with you is not at all intimate." Togami said immediately. "You imagine that after the friend died, you walked into his room. This room is also a vacuum. There is only a table and a notebook used by this friend in the room. Of course, the friend is not in this room, but is that really the case? At the same time, you can feel the presence of the friend strongly even in this void.There is no complete nothingness in this world. It must be somewhere. Local observations, influences and impacts. Do you understand?"

"I don't have friends..."

"There is so much to say to you. Go into the classroom."

Togami bent down and tried to move the cardboard box out. Something fell out of the chest pocket of his jacket.

It was a pen.

Perhaps it was because of the impact when it fell, the blue ink came out from the edge of the pen cover and flowed like a girl's tears. Togami watched the ink spread across the hallway, and a gentle feeling appeared in his brain, like a gentle touch by angel's feathers. It was just a matter of a short moment, and the memory of Togami soon returned.

But that was it. Just like waking up from a long dream, just like watching a long story, soon there was nothing left.

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Works Referenced:

“To entertain the reader, I have written interesting and informative nonsense. That said, some readers may fancy themselves intellectuals for thinking "interesting and informative? that means pointless!"...while feeling in their heart of hearts "it was interesting and informative". While I may have written this book pointlessly, nevertheless what I am telling you is the truth. I have lured in readers with amusing themes, deliberately cut down any challenging passages, and arranged everything in superficial sentences, all of this was intentional to further the aim of "standing up to reality". I will not let that be written off as "pointless". To any readers who engrave that idea into their heart and want to learn more, there is nowhere to turn but the original texts these pages allude to works in and out (Inner and Apocrypha) of the Buddhist canon, so by all means read them.” -Jien, Jottings of a Fool (Gukanshō) [Authors Liberal Translation] [1]

Inner:

Kazutaka Kodaka, Rui Komatsuzaki, “Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc”, Spike, 2010

Same Author, “Danganronpa/Zero”, Volume 1 and 2, Seikaisha FICTIONS, 2011

Same Author, “Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair” Spike Chunsoft, 2012

Same Author, “Ultra Despair Girls Danganronpa Another Episode” Spike Chunsoft 2014

Apocrypha:

Seiji Kishi, “Danganronpa: The Animation” Supervised by Kazutaka Kodaka, Lerche, 2013

Takekuni Kitayama, “Danganronpa Kirigiri”, Volume 1-3 (of 7) Seikaisha FICTIONS, 2013-2020

“Danganronpa THE STAGE ~Kibō no Gakuen to Zetsubō no Kōkōsei” Supervised by Kazutaka Kodaka, CORNFLAKES, 2014

“Super Danganronpa 2: Sayonara Zetsubō Gakuen THE STAGE” Supervised by Kazutaka Kodaka, CORNFLAKES, 2015

“Danganronpa THE STAGE 2016 ~Kibō no Gakuen to Zetsubō no Kōkōsei” Supervised by Kazutaka Kodaka, CORNFLAKES, 2016

Other:

Daniel Alarcón, “At Night We Walk in Circles” Translated by Fuji Hikaru, 2016

Project Itoh, “Genocidal Organ”, Hayakawa SF Series J-Collection, 2007

Same Author, “Harmony”, Hayakawa SF Series J-Collection, 2008

Same Author, “Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots”, Kadokawa Shoten, 2008

Imaeda Yoshiro, “Japanese Buddhism seen from Bhutan Buddhism”, NHK books, 2005

Imagawa Yasuhiro, “Giant Robo: The Day the Earth Stood Still”, Bandai Visual and others, 1992-1998

Meron Uminekozawa, “『World’s End X Book End』A Story About Books, Forever (Collection)” Kadokawa Bunko, 2015

Kazuo Umezu, “My Name is Shingo”, Shogakukan, 1983 to 1986

Kenzaburo Oe, “Death Of A Political Youth”, Shinchosha, 1962

Same Author, “The Silent Cry”,1988, Kodansha Literature Library, 1988

Masachi Osawa, “Origin of Sociality”, Book, Kodansha, 2013~

Same Author, “Quantum Social Philosophy: Cats Say Revolution Saves the Past”, Kodansha, 2010

Eiji Otsuka, “Tsuguhiko Kadokawa and The Age Of Media Mixing”, https://sai-zen-sen.jp/editors/blog/works/kadokawatsuguhiko/?page=3, Frontline, Kadokawa, 2014~

Atsushi Onami, “Illustrated Hand Weapons”, Shinkigensha, 2006

Shinobu Orikuchi, “The Book of the Dead”, Whistle Collection, Iwanami Bunko, 2010

Chohei Kambayashi, “Enemy Pirates * Pirate Edition”, Hayakawa Bunko, 1983

Same Author, “Kototsubo”, Chuko Bunko, 2000

Same Author, “Ima shūgōteki muishiki o”, Hayakawa Bunko, 2012

Alfonso Cuarón, “Gravity”, Heyday Films, 2013

Natsuhiko Kyogoku, “The Summer of the Ubume”, Kodansha Novels, 1994

Yosuke Kurode, “Magical Girl Pretty Sammy”, Fujimi Fantasia Bunko, 1995

Milan Kundera, “The Art Of The Novel”, Translated by Yoshinari Nishinaga, Iwanami Bunko, 2016

Hideo Kojima, “Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain”, Kojima Productions, 2015

Yuya Sato, “Flicker Style - Kagami Family Saga 1”, Kodansha Novels, 2001

Same Author, “Specific Gravity of the Soul Coated with Enamel - Kagami Family Saga 2”, Kodansha Novels, 2001

Same Author, “Sunken Piano - Kagami Family Saga 3”, Kodansha Novels, 2002

Same Author, “Kagami Sisters in the Flying Classroom - Kagami Family Saga 4”, Kodansha Novels, 2005

Same Author, “Cream Sodium Cyanide - Kagami Family Saga 5”, Kodansha Novels, 2009

Tha Blue Herb, “Stilling, Still Dreaming”, Real Life Recordings, 2002

S-nery, “School Girls Don’t Wake From Dreams”, BMG Victor, 1996

Sayawaka, “The Age Of Us And Idols”, Seikaisha Shinso, 2015

William Shakespeare, “Richard III”, Translated by Tsuneari Fukuda, Shincho Bunko, 1974

Jien, “Jottings of a Fool (Gukanshō)”, Japanese Classical Literature 86, Proofread by Masao Okami and Toshihide Akamatsu, Iwanami Bunko, 1967

Same Author, “Jottings of a Fool (Gukanshō) Modern Language Translation”, Kazuo Osumi, Kodansha Academic Library, 2012

Harald Stümpke, “The Snouters: Form and Life of the Rhinogrades”, Translated by Toshitaka Hidaka and Setsuko Haneda, Heibonsha, 1999

Cordwainer Smith “Norstrilia - Instrumentality of Mankind Series”, Translated by Hisashi Asakura, Hayakawa Bunko, 1987

Munehaya Taga “Jien - People Series”, Japanese Historical Society, Yoshikawa Kōbunkan, 1959

Ivan Turgenev “Ahibiki” Collection, Translated by Futabatei Shimei, Iwanami Library, 1955

Paul Tibbit, “The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water”, Paramount Animation, 2015

Yoshiyuki Tomino, “Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam: A New Translation | 1-3”, Sunrise, 2005-2006

Same Author, “Gundam Reconguista in G”, Sunrise, 2014

Tori Miki, “Pasiphae’s Banquet”, Chikuma Shubansha, 2006

Nakano Minoru, “Revolution”, (Modern Political Science Series 4), Takashi Inoguchi, University of Tokyo Press,1989

Norihito Nakayashiki, “Amanojaku”, Kakikūkyaku Theater Company, 2015

Same Author, “Ripe Richard III - Female Shakespeare 007”, Kakikūkyaku Theater Company, 2015

Osamu Hashimoto, “In Search of Lost Modernity 1- Birth of a Word Matching Body”, Asahi Shimbun Publications, 2010

DJ Hazu feat. Ill-Bosstino, “Nora Inu”, Victor Entertainment, 2002

Laurent Binet, “HHhH”, Translated By Kei Takahashi, Tokyo Sogensha, 2013

Toru Fukasawa, “Truth and Lies of Gukanshō - Beyond Self-referencing Historical Narratives”, Shinwasha, 2006

Seth Fried, “The Great Frustration”, Translated by Fuji Hikaru, Shicho Crest Books, 2014

Ulrich Beck, “World at Risk”, Translated by Shimamura Kenichi, Chikuma Library, 2010

Eric Hoffer, “The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements”, Translated by Masaaki Takane, Books Kinokuniya, 1969

Same Author, “The Temper of Our Time”, Translated by Kojin Karatani, Shobunsha, 1972

Munesuke Mita, “Jiga no kigen: Ai to egoizumu no dōbutsu shakaigaku”, Iwanami Modern Library, 2008

Yutaka Maya, “Winged Darkness: The Last Case of Mercator Ayu”, Kodansha Novels, 1993

Same Author, “Summer and Winter Sonata”, Kodansha Novels, 1993

Saiichi Maruya, “Yokoshigure”, Kodansha Literature Library, 1989

Mix JUICE, “The IJIN-DEN Genius Law”, Lantis, 2003

Yumeno Kyūsaku, “Dogura Magra”, Kadokawa Bunko, 1976

Same Author, “Bizarre Song - Yumeno Hisaku Complete Works 7”, San-ichi Publishing, 1970

Jonathan Littell, “The Kindly Ones”, Multiple Translation Credits, Shueisha, 2011

Aruco Czech, “How To Walk The Earth 15”, Edited by Diamond Big, 2011

“No. 56 in Fantasy Literature - Kudan” Atelier OCTA, 1999

“Basic Knowledge of Guns - From Gun Viewing to History, Construction and Ballistic Science”, Translated by Hiroaki Kobayashi, Gakken Publishing, 2008

“For Japanese - Japanese Literature Complete Works 30”, Edited by Natsuki Ikezawa, Kawade Shobo Shinsa, 2016

Translation notes:

[1]Jien, Jottings of a Fool (Gukanshō), is a historical and literary work about the history of Japan. Seven volumes in length, it was composed by Buddhist priest Jien of the Tendai sect c. 1220. The author uses this quote to compare Danganronpa to buddhism which is quite funny but only if you understand the context.

Translators Afterward and Analysis:

Heyo, SeriousSeiko of Dr Medic’s Game Surgery here! Thanks so much for reading this terrible translation summary I made with some editing help by other people! Hopeful DRT2 and 3 will get proper full translations someday, as I know for certain I don't do it justice. The intricate way it's written and wordplay is just completely lost in english unfortunately. In the end i think Danganronpa Togami is my favourite spinoff for sure. The way it starts off with just a tonne of weird crap that gets pretty much completely explained in a believable way (unlike Killer Killer, which adds a tonne of weird crap and doesn't explain anything at all.), it is just satisfying to me. Anything weird can just be talked up to misinterpreted perception. That also includes the Moleman portions as we know suzuhiko would go as far to trick anyone with false thoughts and monologues too. Octopus helmets? Unreality. Melting disguise suits? Unreality. So from now on is mere speculation on my part but if you wanna hear my thoughts and theories, here you go.

First off: Who are the Ketouins, Hasegawa Research Institute, and many other of the new characters seemingly introduced really. As you might have guessed, they are part of the K2K systems Unreality, but what does that mean really? To put it simply, the K2K system has been fed the Kagami Family Saga novels and is creating a spinoff story based on that. I actually own all of the novels too so here is some information my smooth brain can gleam from short summaries and such. 

Yep, so basically these 5 + 1 books are somewhat “Meta Prequels” to Danganronpa Togami (all mentioned in the credits, except for “Nine Stories” which is a short story collection). If you are familiar with Jorge Joestar, it's similar to how it's connected to the Japan Detectives Club, and Maijoverse as Meta Prequels. Funnily enough JDC gets mentioned in the first book, alongside some other Maijoverse books/characters too. I guess Yuya Sato is a fan of Otaro Maijo.

Back to the topic on hand, what is a big theme in the above books? Well in this collection of murder mysterious, there is a mysterious talent/ability some people posses which are known as Kudan Abilities. The Hasegawa Research Institute has been trying to make Artificial Kudans, and has developed special Cattle Killers, such as Taeko, in order to be able to fight against Kudans. 

Basically, I believe there is no such thing as a Kudan in Danganronpa, and it is just leftover Unreality juice from Borges. In this case it probably is just referring to Shinobu's extraordinary ability to predict things. I would go ahead and say if the Ultimate Analyst was brought up in the book, she would almost definitely have been called a Kudan by Borges too, at least that's what I think. After all, the Ultimate Despair (or Despair high School as Borges was mistakenly identifying them as) only needs one of those in their possession to work for them, they don't need the good guys to have one too. Here is Naomi, Sana and Taeko BTW.

Now as we have an idea of who Taeko and her group really were, and who the Kagami’s really were, how about the Ketouins? Well I have an interesting theory. First of here is an image of Hiroyuki and Yuika. I believe that Hiroyuki and Yuika are Kazuya and Shinobu. The real ones who “died”. Just so much lines up if this was the case. Why they were in Prague, how they are treated, why they were so unceremoniously killed off, and literally everything Hiroyuki said about himself, and why Blue Ink would “know” him. Now obviously we now know that the flashback in Volume 2 was a bunch of fabricated memories meant for Blue Ink and Orvin, so we don’t really know what happened in it. Byakuya said in his FTEs that officially the togami family was killed, but they were merely just banished. Everything would just line up nicely. Obviously that is just speculation but it makes sense.

So, who then, is the anonymous man known as Orvin Elevator. That one is pretty simple, it is likely he is the researcher who went mad when K, (Likely Milan Kundera, if you hadn't guessed by this point), was helping out with the Bible Plan at Hope's Peak. As for Satomi Aoba, you know she survives anyway in the end anyway, I would have liked a how, but it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. 

And just to get meta, surprisingly this went uncredited, so it might just be a massive coincidence, but there is a book by Vladmir Nabokov called “Despair (novel)”, and is about a man who meets his doppleganger while travelling in Prague.

Now let's talk about Reality. What can we take away from DRT as definitely real. Well unfortunately the only thing we know for certain without any meddling by K2K is the third coda, after “Journey Under The Midnight Sun” ended. So here is the situation, I am fairly certain everything up until that point is “Byakuya's Journey In Prague But Brought To You By Michael Bay aka K2K System Ver2.3 Special Blu-ray Edition”. Meaning basically, not even the moleman chapters can be counted, as it's merely a literary reconstruction of events. 

As we are told, Molemans own soliloquies aren’t even safe due to the fact the “reader” needs to also be tricked alongside everyone else in order to advance the story to get to his target, by any means necessary. Which would be incredibly meta, if not for the fact that it is most likely actually a literal “fake book” in itself, written by K2K. (Oh yeah, TVTropes, that interlude in book 1 was also K2K, so can you please remove that derogatory statement about Sato flaunting his ego or whatever, maybe do some of your own research next time before flinging slander around.)

So really, the only thing we can really definitively put on a wiki under true events is what happens we are told in the third coda. Everything else is likely fabricated, or malformed in some way, some more so than others, but there is no way for us to know, as is the way it is with Pure Literature. Only the author knows the true meaning of a text within that genre, if it really does have any meaning.

All the best to the spirit of the original.

If there really is such a thing.

Translation dedicated to the unnamed, one-eyed Cinderella, who lost everything and received only a fate worse than death itself.

https://drmedicsgamesurgery.tumblr.com/GameSurgeryDRTranslations

[ladyherenya]

Books read in December

I set myself some reading goals for the end of the year -- finish any books I’d already started, read the books I'd already borrowed, and to read ebooks I’d bought before buying any more. But I guess most of those books just weren’t the right genre? A few exceptions aside, this month I read a bunch of other things instead.

Also read: The Frost Fair Affair and Holiday Brew by Tansy Rayner Roberts, and Sweetest in the Gale and 40-Love by Olivia Dade.

Reread: Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn and Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston.

Total: thirteen novels (including two audiobooks and two rereads), three novellas, and three story/novella collections.

Favourite cover: The cover was what caught my attention for Finding My Voice and Old Baggage.

Still reading: Between Silk and Cyanide by Leo Marks, Or What You Will by Jo Walton and The Disorderly Knights by Dorothy Dunnett.

Next up: A Most Improper Magick by Stephanie Burgis.

*

Queen’s Play by Dorothy Dunnett (narrated by David Monteath): In 1548, Francis Crawford of Lymond arrives in France, incognito in order to protect Scotland’s queen, seven-year-old Mary. I enjoyed this, even though I am not very interested in the antics of the French court and thought The Game of Kings benefitted from having more characters who I found wholly likeable and/or who matter, personally, to Lymond. Dunnett is an impressive storyteller -- vivid descriptions, lively dialogue, nuanced characters and twists that take me by surprise. Moreover, those satisfying puzzle pieces explain the plots and intrigue, give insight into personalities and develop the narrative’s themes (here, the consequences of power). 

The Kinship of Secrets by Eugenia Kim: In 1950, four year old Inja lives with her grandparents and uncle in Seoul, while her sister Miran is in America with their parents. War delays the family’s reunion. This is a fascinating portrayal of two sisters growing up in different countries, and an incredibly poignant story about a family separated. Compelling, and beautifully written, and despite moments of intense grief, hopeful. I liked how, in the end, Inja and Miran didn’t have all the answers.. But I wonder if I’d have found the ending more satisfying if I had a deeper understanding of who they both were as adults.

Teacup Magic series by Tansy Rayner Roberts:

Tea and Sympathetic Magic: Stephanie Burgis recommended this novella as something similar to her Harwood Spellbook series and it certainly has a similar appeal: romantic fantasy, bordering on comedy-of-manners territory. Like Georgette Heyer but with magic and diversity and an intention to challenge problematic and outdated attitudes. Charming and cosy, like a good cup of tea rather than a frothy hot chocolate. Miss Mnemosyne Seaborne, a reluctant guest at a houseparty. She joins forces with the other guests after an unexpected abduction occurs. Entertaining, and even though it was too short for me to really become invested, I immediately wanted to read the sequel.

The Frost Fair Affair: After her previous adventures, Mneme has new friends, a suitor and a campaign: overturning the social conventions which prevent women from travelling by portal. After someone in Town steals her political pamphlets, she gets caught up in a mystery. I enjoyed this oh so much! I found myself caring a lot more about Mneme and her relationships; I liked the mixture of intrigue and danger, and how in the cause of dealing with these, Mneme learns more about the man she hopes to marry; and the Frost Fair, on a frozen river, makes a delightful setting. I'd love to read more.

Belladonna U(niversity) series by Tansy Rayner Roberts:

Unreal Alchemy: Oh, this is my new favourite! Urban fantasy about Australian uni students who are connected to an indie rock band, Fake Geek Girl. These stories are funny, geeky and romantic, with great chapter titles and lots of fandom references. They employ different points of view and different narrative styles in a way that’s really effective. I love the characters and how important and intense their non-romantic relationships are. Between them they have a variety of romantic/sexual relationships and feelings, but friendships and familial relationships, like the one between twin sisters Hebe and Holly, also drive the narrative. The first collection contains four stories/novellas.

Fake Geek Girl -- Ferd moves into the Manic Pixie Dream House; Holly and Sage argue about the future of the band.

Unmagical Boy Story -- Viola has feelings about her best friend losing his magic, transferring colleges and making new friends.

The Bromancers --  The band and frriends spend a weekend at a magical music festival.

The Alchemy of Fine -- A prequel about the band’s origins.

Holiday Brew: This collection is more serious and less overtly fandom-y than the first, but arguably still very meta (especially if you consider Viola, Jules and Ferd as a response to the trio in Harry Potter). I sat down intending to read just one of these stories -- and ended up reading them all.

Halloween Is Not A Verb -- Holly invites various people to their mums’ place for Halloween.

Solstice on the Rocks -- A short story about university graduation.

Kissing Basilisks --  Begins on New Year’s Day, is compelling, and picks up the non-band-related narrative threads from Fake Geek Girl.

Missing Christmas by Kate Clayborn: This novella is loosely connected to Beginer's Luck but stands alone. It's sweet. Business partners and best friends Jasper and Kristen pay a last minute trip to a client and get trapped by a blizzard, which pushes them to reconsider the boundaries they’ve drawn in their relationship. I liked the moments which showed that they’re an effective team because they know each other so well and can communicate through subtle body language. 

Finding My Voice by Marie Myung-Ok Lee: Ellen is a Korean-American teenager in her final year of high school. Her story is about applying for college, gymnastics training, Ellen’s relationships with her best friend and her first boyfriend, dealing with racism at school and with her parents’ expectations that she will follow her sister to Harvard. It’s very short, first published in 1993. I was aware of all the places where a YA novel written today would be allowed to give more details and to expand the story, but it was still interesting.

The Magnolia Sword: A Ballad of Mulan by Sherry Thomas: I’ve borrowed this several times this year, only to return it unread each time, and I was starting to wonder if I really wanted to read it. But once I actually sat down and focused, I quickly realised that I definitely did! I became completely engrossed in this Mulan retelling. It’s a tense adventure. I enjoyed the characters and their interactions, particularly the elaborate courtesy of formal conversations, and the way Mulan and her companions value loyalty and camaraderie. I thought this was a very believable take on the whole girl-disguised-as-a-boy thing too.

Dear Mrs Bird by AJ Pearce: In 1940, Emmy wants a newspaper job but is instead typing up letters for a women’s magazine and discarding mail from readers whose problems are Unacceptable. Frustrated that Mrs Bird won’t offer advice to so many women in need, Emmy's tempted to take matters into her own hands. Her optimism means she makes some naive mistakes, some of which made me wince, but it’s also an incredible strength. She's delightful company. I really like how much of this story is about her friendship with Bunty and I enjoyed the insight into women's magazines and the Auxiliary Fire Service.

The Lonely Hearts Dog Walkers by Sheila Norton: Recently separated, Nicola moves back in with her mother, starts as a teaching assistant at her daughter’s new school, gets a puppy and joins a group of dog walkers, who embark upon a mission to save the local park. This was very low-angst and, once I realised the sort of story it was, kind of predictable. I can recognise the appeal of this brand of realism, but personally would have preferred more humour or more emotional complexity. Were Nicola a colleague, it’d be easy to find things in common to discuss, but her story wasn’t quite what I was looking for.

Chasing Lucky by Jenn Bennett: When Josie and her mother return to Beauty to look after the family bookshop, Josie has plans -- keep to herself, finish high school, secure a photography apprenticeship, move to LA. But after Josie accidentally breaks a store-front window and her childhood friend Lucky takes the blame, Josie’s priorities change. I enjoyed this more than I expected to. I particularly liked how Lucky subverts people’s expectations, and how Josie’s family works at communicating better with each other.

Old Baggage by Lissa Evans (narrated by Joanna Scanlan): It’s 1928 and Mattie Simpkin, a now-middle-aged militant suffragette, lives in Hampstead with her friend Florrie Lee (aka The Flea). Mattie gives lectures about the suffragettes but realises she’s not reaching the younger generation. So she starts a club for “healthy outdoor fun” for teenage girls. Mattie is wonderfully forthright -- amusing, engaging and informative when it comes to things she’s passionate about -- but she’s also fallible.  A really delightful yet bittersweet story about friendship and loss and the opportunities available for women. I liked its awareness that being able to loudly be yourself is a privilege not everyone has. 

There’s Something About Marysburg series by Olivia Dade:

Teach Me: Rose is unimpressed -- not only must she share her classroom with the new history teacher, he’s been given her Honors World History class. There’s something particularly satisfying about people who have been hurt and lonely finding support and love in each other. I like that they get to know each other over many months. I like Martin’s relationship with his teenage daughter and Rose’s relationship with her ex’s parents is so touching that one scene made me cry. And it was interesting seeing the US school system from the perspective of experienced teachers; I appreciated the details about their jobs.

Sweetest in the Gale: a Marysburg story collection contains three novellas about couples in their forties.

Sweetest in the Gale -- Griff is worried when Candy, a fellow English teacher, returns for the new school year uncharacteristically sombre and subdued. A really sweet romance about people who are navigating loss and grief.

Unraveled -- Maths teacher Simon is assigned to observe and mentor the new art teacher, Poppy. I enjoyed the threads of mystery.

Cover Me -- After a concerning mammogram result, Elizabeth marries an old friend so she’s covered by his health insurance. Predictable as anything, but that made it a safe position from which to explore serious and sobering topics.

40-Love: I’m not interested in tennis or holiday resorts; I was disappointed that this novel wouldn’t show Tess being an assistant principal; and even though some of my favourite fictional couples have a significant age-gap, I’m wary about age-gap romances (and socially-programmed to think it’s odd for a woman to date a much younger guy). But I liked the other stories in this series and I was curious. It’s Not really My Cup of Tea, but I was convinced that Tess and Lucas were both capable of making their (somewhat unconventional) relationship work. An interesting exercise in challenging my social-programming.

The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn: After watching Bridgerton (not always to my tastes but mostly fun), curiosity prompted me to read the opening of the second novel, and I was so entertained by Kate Sheffield verbally sparring with the viscount, whom Kate is determined to prevent from marrying her younger sister. I continued to be entertained up until the viscount acts a bit too entitled on his wedding night (that’s unattractive, if outrightly problematic). Which left me in rather an uncharitable mood for the final act, so I can’t identify if the drama of dealing with past traumas didn’t meet the standard of the earlier comedy or if I just hold such scenes to differing standards.

[stylesnews]

After the triumph of the solo debut, Harry Styles is back. With a tour and a very personal new album.  But how do you overcome fears and pressures? The former One Direction has made a discovery: always trying to make others happy is a trap. Last December, Fine Line, the second album by Harry Styles, was released after the sensational success of the album Harry Styles, solo debut of 2017. In April the world tour he begins a world tour, which will also touch Italy with two dates: May 15 in Turin and on the 16th in Bologna. Twenty-six years old, English, the singer has managed to build a solid career by starting on his own after the farewell to One Direction, a boy band active only six years (from 2010 to 2016) but already entered the history of pop. Harry Styles never gives interviews. Below is an exclusive for Vanity Fair:

After a very demanding tour for his solo debut, he took a well-deserved break. When did you hear that he was ready for the second album? «In fact, I went back to the studio early, perhaps already two weeks after the end of the tour, which motivated me a lot, I knew what kind of music I wanted to do and I felt I had to ride that feeling and start from there. So I decided to take that energy and start without asking myself many questions. "

Was it more difficult to work on the first album or to make your second job after the success of your debut? «The process that leads to the creation of an album is very long, you tend to exceed, you are continuously focused on yourself and your work and everything inevitably turns into a series of ups and downs. Thus, sometimes you feel that everything is going perfectly and at other times you are frustrated and unsure of what you are doing. I think one of the biggest advantages of this album is that it allowed me to think about what success had represented for me. During the making of the album I redefined the way I perceive success, comparing myself with friends. There was a phase in which I asked myself what kind of album I had to make; at one point I was happy to say "I have to do this now", and I remember telling Tyler (Johnson, the producer, ed) all the album ideas I wanted to do in the next five or ten years and he said: you have to just dedicate yourself to the album you want to do now, it's the only thing you can do. I was very impressed. Then, another friend with whom I was talking about what it meant to be successful told me that if you are happy nobody can tell you that you have failed. So I looked back to the moments when I was most satisfied with what I was doing and it was always the moments when I was happiest. So I decided to focus on this strategy: rather than trying to make others happy, always do what makes me happy, in order to be satisfied with the result. Letting go of all those constraints that had blocked me for a while, such as streaming data or numbers, was truly liberating. "

Lights Up gives the feeling of being a truly cathartic single, from the current sounds to the imagery of the lyrics. What made it the perfect single for our day? «Lights Up was the most anomalous song I ever made, from the way it was written to the recording phase: everything was written starting from vocal notes, Tyler sent me a track, there was a continuous exchange of notes vowels and finally I wrote the lyrics. Then we went to the studio together, we recorded it quickly enough, until the second day I said "we have to enter the choir", but it's something we usually do in the end. Anyway, we inserted it and completed the song, but this choice totally changed its structure ".

The term "light" often occurs in his songs, as do references to fruits. Is it an intentional choice? "In reality there is always a strong element of randomness, I have never explicitly decided to focus on the theme of fruit. There is a lot of fruit in my music, but I don't know why. At the beginning, when we wrote Kiwi, we called it that way thinking about changing the name later but then it seemed strange because we had always called it Kiwi, so we decided to leave it that way. And in the end there is a lot of fruit on this album, I wish I could say that I had foreseen and planned everything, but in reality it is not so ".

Many songs on this album dedicated to ending a relationship seem to become an inner monologue. Some of the toughest moments of songs like Cherry and To Be So Lonely are incredibly intense to listen to. Was it therapeutic to convey such raw inner reflections into your songs? «Writing has always been very therapeutic for me. When I sit down to create a song, I don't think about the fact that I'm exposing myself and I think this helps me open up, so if I compose a very personal text, I don't think about what people will say about it, because I write the song for myself. I think it's a really therapeutic process. It allows me to enclose certain moods in a three-minute song, to then overcome them and move forward. "

He turned his motto, "Treat People with Kindness" (be nice to others), into a song. Was this an idea you already had in mind when you started using this phrase on your first tour? "Treat People with Kindness was the last song made for the album; I wrote it at the end, even if from the first tour I thought of turning the motto into a song, but I had no idea how. At one point, while I was in the studio and we were working on this idea, I said to myself "is it too banal?", And Jeff (Bhasker, producer, ed) replied "why don't you just do it?". And the same thing happened with Kiwi, we joked about how fun it would be to write a song that said "I am having your baby, it's none of your business" (I'm expecting a baby from you, it's none of your business). Then came the rest of the song and the first time I sang it I didn't know whether to love it or hate it. I had no idea what it was, I had never done a song like that, so I felt a little uncomfortable; then I realized that it wasn't necessarily positive or negative that it seemed strange to me, in any case now I can say that I like it ».

The lyrics of many of his songs are decidedly intense: are you nervous about having to sing them live every night? "Actually, an interesting thing happens. With the songs you go through various moments: you start writing them and for a long time they are something of your own; then you start singing them for other people and you hear them differently, at the end the concerts come and it's as if you take them to a different level. I wouldn't say I'm nervous. Of course, some songs are sadder than others, but it would be a problem to have to sing them every night only if I hated them, instead I like them, so I'm honest, that's all. I am happy that those songs become like snapshots of certain moments; I don't live the sad songs in a negative way, I think rather that they are the positive result of more difficult moments ».

Last year he spent some time in Japan. Why Japan? Is there any unforgettable experience of this trip that you would like to share? "I was in Japan because I realized that I had never traveled alone and I wanted to spend some time in solitude; the time I spent there was very important. I had the opportunity to reflect for the first time on what had happened to me in the last seven years of life and I would say that my most intense memory is simply walking in the city. One evening I was walking back from a friend's house and while walking through the crowded streets of Japan I listened to Bill Evans, it was an incredible and special moment ».

What should we expect from your Love on Tour? "Looking back, it seems incredible to me that we managed to create a real show with the latest album. With the new one, everything will be more joyful, more fun, more free and I feel that many songs will be perfect for live concerts. I can't wait for it to start, it will be a crazy experience. "

[hlupdate]

After the triumph of the solo debut, Harry Styles is back. With a tour and a very personal new album. But how do you overcome fears and pressures? The former One Direction has made a discovery: always trying to make others happy is a trap

Last December, Fine Line, the second album by Harry Styles, was released after the sensational success of the album Harry Styles, solo debut of 2017. In April the world tour will begin, which will also touch Italy with two dates: May 15 in Turin and on the 16th in Bologna. Twenty-six years old, English, the singer has managed to build a solid career by starting on his own after the farewell to One Direction, a boy band active only six years (from 2010 to 2016) but already entered the history of pop. Harry Styles never gives interviews.

Below is an exclusive for Vanity Fair.

After a very demanding tour for his solo debut, he took a well-deserved break.

When did you hear that he was ready for the second album?

«In fact, I went back to the studio early, perhaps already two weeks after the end of the tour, which motivated me a lot, I knew what kind of music I wanted to do and I felt I had to ride that feeling and start from there. So I decided to take that energy and start without asking myself many questions. "

Was it more difficult to work on the first album or to make your second job after the success of your debut?

«The process that leads to the creation of an album is very long, you tend to exceed, you are continuously focused on yourself and your work and everything inevitably turns into a series of ups and downs. Thus, sometimes you feel that everything is going perfectly and at other times you are frustrated and unsure of what you are doing. I think one of the biggest advantages of this album is that it allowed me to think about what success had represented for me. During the making of the album I redefined the way I perceive success, comparing myself with friends. There was a phase in which I asked myself what kind of album I had to make; at one point I was happy to say "I have to do this now", and I remember telling Tyler (Johnson, the producer, ed) all the album ideas I wanted to do in the next five or ten years and he said: you have to just dedicate yourself to the album you want to do now, it's the only thing you can do. I was very impressed. Then, another friend with whom I was talking about what it meant to be successful told me that if you are happy nobody can tell you that you have failed. So I looked back to the moments when I was most satisfied with what I was doing and it was always the moments when I was happiest. So I decided to focus on this strategy: rather than trying to make others happy, always do what makes me happy, in order to be satisfied with the result. Letting go of all those constraints that had blocked me for a while, such as streaming data or numbers, was truly liberating. "

Lights Up gives the feeling of being a truly cathartic single, from the current sounds to the imagery of the lyrics. What made it the perfect single for our day?

«Lights Up was the most anomalous song I ever made, from the way it was written to the recording phase: everything was written starting from vocal notes, Tyler sent me a track, there was a continuous exchange of notes vowels and finally I wrote the lyrics. Then we went to the studio together, we recorded it quickly enough, until the second day I said "we have to enter the choir", but it's something we usually do in the end. Anyway, we inserted it and completed the song, but this choice totally changed its structure ".

The term "light" often occurs in his songs, as do references to fruits. Is it an intentional choice?

"In reality there is always a strong element of randomness, I have never explicitly decided to focus on the theme of fruit. There is a lot of fruit in my music, but I don't know why. At the beginning, when we wrote Kiwi, we called it that way thinking about changing the name later but then it seemed strange because we had always called it Kiwi, so we decided to leave it that way. And in the end there is a lot of fruit on this album, I wish I could say that I had foreseen and planned everything, but in reality it is not so ".

Many songs on this album dedicated to ending a relationship seem to become an inner monologue. Some of the hardest moments of songs like Cherry and To Be So Lonely are incredibly intense to listen to. Was it therapeutic to convey such raw inner reflections into your songs?

«Writing has always been very therapeutic for me. When I sit down to create a song, I don't think about the fact that I'm exposing myself and I think this helps me open up, so if I compose a very personal text I don't think what people will say about it, because I write the song for me . I think it's a really therapeutic process. It allows me to enclose certain moods in a three-minute song, to then overcome them and move forward. "

He transformed his motto, "Treat People with Kindness" (be nice to others), into a song. Was this an idea you already had in mind when you started using this phrase on your first tour?

"Treat People with Kindness was the last song made for the album; I wrote it at the end, even if from the first tour I thought of turning the motto into a song, but I had no idea how. At one point, while I was in the studio and we were working on this idea, I said to myself "is it too banal?", And Jeff (Bhasker, producer, ed) replied "why don't you just say it?". And the same thing happened with Kiwi, we joked about how fun it would be to write a song that said "I am having your baby, it's none of your business" (I'm expecting a baby from you, it's none of your business). Then came the rest of the song and the first time I sang it I didn't know whether to love it or hate it. I had no idea what it was, I had never done a song like that, so I felt a little uncomfortable; then I realized that it wasn't necessarily positive or negative that it seemed strange to me, in any case now I can say that I like it ».

The lyrics of many of his songs are decidedly intense: are you nervous about having to sing them live every night?

"Actually, an interesting thing happens. With the songs you go through various moments: you start writing them and for a long time they are something of your own; then you start singing them for other people and you hear them differently, at the end the concerts come and it's as if you take them to a different level. I wouldn't say I'm nervous. Of course, some songs are sadder than others, but it would be a problem to have to sing them every night only if I hated them, instead I like them, so I'm honest, that's all. I am happy that those songs become like snapshots of certain moments; I don't live the sad songs in a negative way, I think rather that they are the positive result of more difficult moments ».

Last year he spent some time in Japan. Why Japan? Is there any unforgettable experience of this trip that you would like to share?

"I was in Japan because I realized that I had never traveled alone and I wanted to spend some time in solitude; the time I spent there was very important. I had the opportunity to reflect for the first time on what had happened to me in the last seven years of life and I would say that my most intense memory is simply walking in the city. One evening I walked home from a friend's house and while walking through the crowded streets of Japan I listened to Bill Evans, it was an incredible and special moment ».

What should we expect from your Love on Tour?

"Looking back, it seems incredible to me that we managed to create a real show with the latest album. With the new one, everything will be more joyful, more fun, more free and I feel that many songs will be perfect for live concerts. I can't wait for it to start, it will be a crazy experience."

[holidayblindspot]

Season of Hate/Season of Love (part 1)

Written by RAnsomedR0gue for the Blindspot in a Winter Wonderland event. Part 2 will be posted on December 9th!

***

Remi is nervous.

Which is new to her, something she doesn’t like it at all. She wasn’t nervous on combat missions, assassinations. She wasn’t even nervous about erasing her memory, having her entire body tattooed.

But this. Christmas Eve date day with Weller. She’s extremely tense, admonishes herself for not having pre-emptively killed him to get her out of this situation.

Though she has to admit the chocolate banana crepes he made for brunch were, in themselves, almost enough incentive to let him live. Even if he’s now dragged her to a holistic spa for a day of relaxing and pampering.

At first she thought he was just dropping her off, giving her some alone time. But she should have known better. Weller has no concept of wanting space from his wife. And has endless ways of surprising Remi, despite all the research she’d done into his life before handing herself over to him.

Surprise of the hour, their couple’s spa date. Who would have thought the surly special agent would be into therapeutic massage, eucalyptus steamrooms, hot baths. She doesn’t know why it makes her so anxious, she’s been playing his wife for months now. And despite his recovery and her illness there haven’t been enough viable excuses to abolish sex from their relationship. That, and Weller can be particularly convincing, has insider knowledge on how to turn her on physically.

So, he’s seen her naked plenty of times, she’s gotten used to it even. At least here they’re both wearing swim suits, were given fluffy robes too. Still, spending the day in hot pools and then getting massages together sounds intimidating to her. Extremely exposed, much too intimate.

Remi sighs, knows she’s delayed too long already. She walks out of the changing room into the crisp outdoor air, sees that snow has started to coat everything in white. Begrudgingly she thinks how magical everything looks, how inviting the steam of the pools is.

She spots Weller already soaking by a bubbling jet of water, following her possessively with his eyes even though she’s still wrapped up in her robe. It almost makes her smile, seeing how much he appreciates her. Even if she is only wearing his wife’s skin, wants to hate him. His love is overwhelming at times, makes her forget it isn’t meant for her.

Remi takes off her robe, hangs it on a hook. She can sense Weller gaping at her, allows herself a satisfied smile when she turns around and he looks completely star struck.

It doesn’t seem to matter to him that she’s lost muscle due to an increase in her symptoms, less time and energy to work out. It annoys her that she feels the need to measure up to Jane’s high standards, that she’s the one who went through SEAL training but Jane ended up with the impeccable fitness reputation at the FBI. Especially now, with her body rapidly failing her. Remi feels on edge about losing her most prized asset, her physical abilities. Hates that she’s more skinny than strong, that she feels vulnerable without her clothes on. Body image has never been a problem for her before. But that was before all the tattoos, a defective body, a stranger for a husband.

Weller himself though, he’s not the problem. The look in his eyes when he rakes them over her never changes from pure adoration. It’s almost difficult to be revered that much but she can’t deny its appeal. She certainly doesn’t have to worry about her ‘husband’ having a roving eye when it’s constantly glued to her.

Right now though his intense scrutiny is making her anxious as Remi enters the pool slowly, adjusts to the heat of the water before stepping her way over towards him.

“You’re staring,” she grumbles, rolling her eyes. “I know,” he replies, with a self-satisfied grin.

She should hate it, how possessive he is of her. It makes everything harder, is a constant source of annoyance. But that look on his face, as if awestruck by his good fortune. It’s hard to remember she’s not supposed to want it, that is is absolutely not endearing how much he adores her.

“I can’t help it. You are just so damn beautiful,” Weller continues.

Shit. It’s not meant to feel so good when he says things like that. She’s supposed to be inwardly repulsed while outwardly responding just enough to play her mark. She should only want him to think that she’s attractive so she has a way to manipulate him. Not because it tints her in warmth, because it actually makes her feel beautiful.

Remi feels another genuine smile escape, tries to hide it by ducking her head away as she floats over. But then she’s there beside him, sitting closer than she means to and he brings his hand up to her jaw, runs his thumb over her cheekbone. Turns her head towards him, so she can’t avoid the intense blue of his gaze.

“You know that right?” he asks quietly.

She knows it’s not a rhetorical question from his solemn tone, the sincerity of his eyes. Weller is incredibly easy to read when it comes to Jane, has no ability to be subtle about his wife. And right now he is pouring his heart into convincing her that her failing body is still attractive, that he thinks she’s perfect. Because he senses that she’s lost confidence in how she looks, is determined to fix it by showering her in love and compliments.

No wonder it’s a constant shitshow disaster trying not to love him back.

“Yes, Kurt,” she sighs, struggling not to betray how much his comment really means.

But then he wipes his thumb over her cheek once more, tilts her chin up and kisses her sweetly, pulling back just as more urgency begins to develop.

“Good,” he replies. “Because sometimes I think you forget. But I remember every time I look at you.”

He’s so corny she wants to groan in his face. Remi tells herself she would have already done it without a speck of regret if it wasn’t for her Jane act. But instead she shakes her head at him, doesn’t bother fighting the smile that comes to her lips.

“You didn’t tell me that Christmas makes you so sentimental,” she admonishes, trying to deflect an onrush of emotion.

“Hmmm. I guess Christmas makes me sentimental,” Kurt admits with a shrug, followed by another soft kiss.

Shit, Remi thinks. It’s only early afternoon on Christmas Eve. She doesn’t think she can take another day and a half of Weller being adorable.

***

Weller has never been a big Christmas person, a result of a disappointing childhood. He was always nervous about the holidays, wanting to make it fun and ‘normal’ for his little sister so she didn’t realize all the things wrong with their lives. Certainly, since the age of ten, he’s never thought of Christmas as a joyous time. The holiday season only pointed out all that he didn’t have, highlighted all his perceived flaws.

He feels much the same about Christmas and his wife, their whirlwind relationship having sabotaged the holidays every year he’s known her. Which he takes upon himself as a personal failure, just one of his many regrets.

Her first Christmas was spent in a CIA black site being tortured by Jake Keaton. Her second she was on the run and he was too miserable to even enjoy Bethany’s first Christmas. Her third was just after he confessed about Avery and she left him again.

Now this year she’s sick and it’s breaking his heart. Kurt refuses to believe this could be her last one and yet he has to prepare just in case. It’s been making him extremely anxious, desperate to make things perfect for her. Especially because she’s been so closed off since he came out of the coma, even harder to crack than usual.

He understands it’s just her own way, that it’s his inclination too. To hide the hurt and the fear, to hunker down within instead of reaching out. Because talking about it makes it all too real, exposes everything. But it kills him that she won’t confide in him, makes his worry levels shoot through the roof.

Weller knows he has no control over it, isn’t even upset with her. Jane’s determined spirit, her tendency to want to take things on alone, it’s part of her and he loves all of her. He’s just angry at the circumstances that gave her a fatal disease, furious that he can’t do more to solve all of her problems, relieve her stress, take care of his wife.

So instead of stewing in his endless frustration, he’d thrown himself fully into one thing he could control. Giving her the best Christmas ever, to make up for all the terrible ones in their past.

However now, sitting in a hot pool, watching his gorgeous wife walk over and unrobe, Kurt has to admit this part of the plan is a bit self-serving. Even if his purported goal is to make her feel as beautiful as she is, despite her illness. He can tell she’s not satisfied with her own body lately, has noticed her frowning at herself in the mirror, exercising even when her energy levels aren’t up to it.

Of course it hasn’t changed how he feels about her, to him she’s as stunning as ever. He stares wide-eyed as Jane slowly enters the pool and walks over to him. There’s snow in her hair, sparkly flakes on her eyelashes. She looks like a fierce winter nymph, all fresh and deadly. Weller knows that he’s gaping, does nothing to try to stop it. She overwhelms his senses in the best possible way.

“You’re staring,” she grumbles, rolls her eyes at him dramatically.

“I know,” he replies, grinning broadly. “I can’t help it. You are just so damn beautiful.”

Jane lets a smile slip through, tries to tilt her head so he can’t see it as she sits beside him. He’s not fooled though, he can tell she’s still unsure of herself, isn’t entirely convinced. Which is not okay with him at all, needs to be immediately remedied.

He reaches his hand up to her jaw, runs his wet thumb over her cheek.

“You know that right?” he asks quietly.

Jane doesn’t avoid his eyes this time, looks at him and shakes her head fondly.

“Yes, Kurt,” she sighs.

He’d promised himself he’d be restrained, that he was not going to turn a day all about Jane into his own desire of making out with her in a hot tub. Still, he can’t help it as he wipes his thumb over her cheek once more, tilts her chin up and kisses her softly. Though he does somehow manage to pull back just as things get a little heated.

“Good,” he replies. “Because sometimes I think you forget. But I remember every time I see you.”

So often with Jane he finds himself voicing very un-Weller-like things. Sappy emotional stuff that should make him flinch just to think about. Yet he constantly wants to say these things to her, to make her smile, to make her groan, to let her know exactly how he feels about her.

“You didn’t tell me that Christmas makes you so sentimental,” she mutters, though he can tell she’s only pretending to be annoyed.

“Hmmm. I guess Christmas makes me sentimental,” he shrugs, even though it’s really Jane that makes him feel this way. He can’t exactly admit that though, not when she already thinks he’s being overly expressive.

Kurt pulls her in for one more kiss before tempering his longing and letting go. Reminds himself it’s not about his needs, that it’s Jane’s day and she hasn’t been as comfortable with physical affection lately. She still sometimes uses it as a tool to distract him, end disagreements. But she’s also more resistant to his advances, holds herself away. Which he hopes is just Jane trying to shield him from her illness, a result of her recent body image issues. Not a sign that she’s detaching from him, doesn’t enjoy the feeling of his touch anymore.

She stays at a distance for awhile, he can see her mind stirring. He’s learned not to take it too personally, her new need for space. As much as he wants to fix everything for her, he can’t control how she feels about being sick, how she deals with the spectre of death. All he can do is be there for her when she allows it, swallow his hurt when she doesn’t.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Kurt asks, wonders what he did to upset her. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought up how she looks, put that in her mind. Or she didn’t want to be kissed, touched by him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset,” he continues, worry starting to collect in his spine.

Good one, Weller, he thinks. Way to screw it up less than ten minutes into a date he had wanted to make perfect.

Jane exhales audibly then finally looks up at him, her expression in between worlds. He’s had a hard time reading her since she was diagnosed, which just terrifies him more, makes him feel like he’s losing her already. At the moment she looks to be battling herself, resisting some inner inclination.

Just as he thinks she’s about to push him away, possibly run from the pool, Jane lets a smidgen of a smile through, bites the lower corner of her lip in that way that absolutely slays him.

“I’m not upset,” she confesses as she scoots over and reaches her arms around his neck, buries herself into his chest.

Weller wraps himself around his wife, utterly shocked in the best way possible. He relishes in the invitation to touch her, runs twin lines up her back and neck with his hands and feels her shiver despite the heat of the water.

When Jane looks up again, she’s wearing an expression he hasn’t seen since before they found out about the ZIP poisoning. One he thought he might never see again.

This time she pulls herself up towards him, kisses him with more passion than appropriate in a public pool. Not that he’s opposed to it, would break his personal code of conduct for this kind of encouragement from Jane anytime.

Kurt responds eagerly, has desperately missed this kind of heat from her. Even when he gently coaxes her into sex these days she’s holding something back, some piece of herself. Now though, it’s all of her, this woman that means everything to him.

When they finally pause for a breath, he tries to tamp down his arousal, remind himself where he is. Jane does not help though when she gazes at him intently, the green of her eyes lit with pleasure.

“You make me feel so good, Kurt,” she says sincerely, with an openness that’s been absent for so long.

His chest floods with warmth, absolute joy.

Kurt Weller can disarm bombs, stop terrorist attacks. Arrest murderers, save innocent lives. But this is what brings him the most fulfilment. Showering his wife with love, making her feel beautiful and appreciated on Christmas Eve.

[beautcous]

Thread 04  (Jealousy at the Gala)

After the emotional rollercoaster that Meera had to go through this past week, the last thing she wanted was having to be social. However exhausted she was, she couldn’t bring herself to skip this gala. It was much too important for her to miss and as the representative of Patel Industries, it was her duty to be there. Dressing up for the event was a hassle seeing as Maxwell had brought it upon himself to leave his mark on both sides of her neck. She’d considered dabbing on foundation on the bruise, but since there was a possibility of it melting, she decided to don on a scarf along with her black dress instead. When she got to the venue, she spent the first half an hour mingling with those she knew and had actually found herself relaxing a little. Unfortunately for her, her mood shifted rather quickly when her hues caught sight of her soulmate escorting Camila Vazquez around the room. She knew she shouldn’t let it bother her; they weren’t together, and he’d made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. Despite that, she could still feel her ire rising. She wasn’t jealous. Of course not, simply annoyed by his presence. Not in the mood to watch him further, she headed towards the restroom, but for some foolish reason, she decided to make her presence known by making sure that she was within his line of sight as she sauntered off; her eyes rolling as she did so.

It had been an entire week since he had shared that scorching night with Meera and it was honestly all he could think about. right after knowing that she his soulmate. A fact that still managed to unsettled along with the fact that he had perhaps had the best sex of his life and it was due to the one woman who annoyed beyond believe. But fuck, if he couldn’t stop thinking about her breathtaking form withering under his or the way she clutched onto him and the sensual way she moaned his name. All he could think about was how good it felt to be buried deep inside of her tight little body and how it had been incredibly difficult to let her leave that night. Max wanted her again, he wanted her like he never wanted anyone because that one night hadn’t been enough to extinguish the fire inside of him that continue to burn for her. The problem was, he had no clue if Meera wanted him again and that was beyond frustrating considering how sexually frustrated he already was at not having her again the entire week. Then on cue, Meera appeared he had just walked in with Camila to the work event when suddenly he found his eyes drawn to the women he was currently ached to get his hands on again. If he didn’t know any better, Max would think she purposely looked this sinful just to get him to notice her. Notice her he did, like he always did, just as he noticed the scarf was around her neck to cover the marks he had left. Seeing that had definitely gave him a great deal of primal satisfaction as his eyes watched her disappear. He shouldn’t have followed her, he really shouldn’t have but Meera was like a siren, and the fool he was, Max followed, not resisting the urge especially after the look she’d shot in his direction. He caught her just before she went into the restrooms and pulled her aside into of the empty rooms, locking the door behind them and then trapping her between it and him. “Want to tell me why your giving me that look?” He asked raising a brow, “If your rolled your eyes any harder, they’ll get stuck back there.” He was being a dick but really, it was expected. “So what I did do to piss the princess off now?” There as an edge to his voice.

Meera didn’t even understand why she was so annoyed to begin with. She didn’t want Maxwell, he was a jerk who’d used her to satisfy his bodily needs and she hated him for it; loathed the way his touch still burned her and despite everything, she still wanted him. That was the part that frustrated her this whole week. She had been having trouble sleeping because of him, her thoughts going back to all the things he did to her that night. There were some nights she felt so hot, she had to douse the lust running through her veins by taking a cold shower and even then it wasn’t enough. There were also times when she was tempted to reach out to him, but her pride wouldn’t allow her to do it; so here she was, rolling her eyes at her soulmate feeling extremely annoyed at having to see him again and with another woman no less. No matter how she felt about him, she couldn’t let him get into her head, so in spite of her feelings, she walked away; not wanting to cause a scene. How unfortuitous of her that Maxwell didn’t feel the same way. Before she could even get to the bathroom, she felt a hand on her arm; the sizzle she felt on her skin told her who the hand belonged to. “Let me go.” She grumbled, trying to free herself from his hold, but clearly he was the stronger party between them both and she was unsuccessful in her attempts. Before long, she was in an empty room with him trapping her from escaping. Her eyes rolled at his question; not finding his words amusing at all. “It’s you. Why should I not roll my eyes?” As much as she was trying to remain unaffected by him, she wondered if he could feel herself trembling, just being in close proximity of the man made her heart race in her chest. “What are you doing here with me anyway? Don’t you have a date to get back to?” She didn’t even mean for those things to slip out, it just did without her knowledge; the worst part was, she sounded bitter.

Max had known sexual frustration but he had not known a hunger to this extent, if he didn’t know any better he would think she had purposely done what she had just to leave him panting after her. But since that night Meera had showed up at his doorstep, there had been thought that hadn’t left his mind still, had she left her boyfriend purely for him? Even knowing that Max would was not interested in doing anything with her other than tangling in the sheets with her? Still, why did the thought of Meera leaving Atlas for him please him so much? He supposed he could still chalk it up to the fact that now she was a free woman which meant he could still sate his hunger for her, if she was still interested. Now, Max was arrogant enough to assume that she had enjoyed their night, so there was no reason as she wouldn’t now. Though that had no explained why Meera didn’t come to him, but he supposed he could have gone to her. What stopped him, he didn’t know, or perhaps it was fear of rejection yet again, and now that he saw her just days later his desire came returned tenfold. More so, when he saw her gorgeous neck covered with a scarf knowing it was his marks she was hiding. So, Max continued to stare at her intently as he had her trapped between the door and his body, as he had in his home. Not even batting an eyelash at her struggling but the moment he’d seen the look she’d given him, Max’s irritation had flared he’d followed her before he could stop himself. “I wanted to see what you’re hiding under that scarf.” He told her lowly, his finger reaching up to the touch the soft fabric. It was then he heard the bitterness in her words of his date and a rather cruel smirk curved his lips, his hazel hues glinting as they bore into her mesmerizing dark ones. It was the tone she had used to deliver them that had his interest. Leaning closer, he could feel her lips part and her breath hitch, was it just him or was the brunette trembling? “If I didn’t know any better, Meera,” Drawing out her name with intent,” I’d say you’re jealous.” His tone low, “Why ever so, hmm?”

Meera hated everything about her arrogant soulmate; the way he could so easily manipulate her, bending her to his will with his mere presence alone, it infuriated her to no end. Once again, her defiance forged forward, wanting to tell him to go to hell for making her feel like this. Was it not enough that he’d marked her as if she was his property? Hearing the smug way he addressed her, how he’d ran his finger over the scarf she had on, it pissed her off even more. “Don’t touch me.” She growled, swatting his finger away, her dark eyes blazing as she resorted to anger. It was either that or end up being at his mercy again, and she couldn’t let history repeat itself; never again, even if her body was screaming for her to do so. Her mind and body were at war by this point, especially after having heard her name rolling from his tongue. He made it sound like sin, and suddenly, lust burned within her; the urge for her to pull him close and kiss him was nearly unbearable. “I’m not jealous. I could never be jealous of you and your manwhore ways.” She countered, even though she knew better, she was raging on the inside from having to watch him with Camila Vazquez. Why did she even care? She really shouldn’t, he was someone she loathed being around and yet, her jealousy was still there, burning so hot, she felt like she was going to explode at any given moment. “Besides, I have Atlas.” She decided to lie, wanting it to seem like she didn’t care enough about him to feel jealous. “Oh yes, I forgot to tell you, we got back together. This scarf I’m wearing, it’s here to cover the marks he left on me. You know how it is when people are in love…” She continued mockingly, “Wait, you don’t have a heart, you couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to love someone.–Now, get out of my way. I need to go home to my boyfriend.” To reiterate her statement, she placed her hands over his pecs and pushed against the hard muscles in an attempt to get him to move.

Max would see the anger and the defiance in her gaze yet again as she invade her space but that only encouraged him to continue. He hated rebuffed, especially by a woman he wanted with an intensity that almost frightened him. He knew he should have been more sensible and that was to stay away from her the moment he realized she was his soulmate but alas he had done no such thing. How many times since that night since the kissing her at the charity event had he told himself to forget about Meera? Far too many times than he could count but still it was that undeniable pull he’d always felt towards her still ever present in his entire being. Max supposed this was all just physical that eventually when his lust burned out for her, he wouldn’t have these ridiculous thoughts and right now that was the only thing that was allowing him to pursue her as he was. Meera wanted him, he knew this for sure because he could see the way her body reacted to his closeness, she might hate him but she lusted for him as he did for her. “Keep doing that, you’re only making me want you more.” The CEO told her harshly, “You say you’re not but your body says something else. So, what are we going to do about that, Meera?” Ignoring her swat and leaning even closer, so their faces were inches apart and their lips only a hairsbreadth away.

It was the mention of her boyfriend that had him stiffen, his eyes he was sure had now turned the color of onyx as they bore into hers. His now darkened hazel hues reflecting lust but also anger at her words and moreover, jealousy that coursed this him. His arm snaked around her slim waist and he yanked her closer, pressing every inch of her to his rock hard body in an iron grip. He didn’t speak for a few moments letting his gaze glare into hers, Max had never truly anyone but he was starting to think he hated this Atlas. Why was she still thinking of him? Has she not left him and came straight to Max? He snorted at her attempts to push him away, “I don’t think so, you’re not going to him not now and not anytime soon. You see princess, you dumped him and came running to me too, you’re not going anywhere near him until you and I are done.” His hands digging into her waist and he leant closer to her, so his lips were at her ear, “We both know who left those marks. There’s a reason why you came to me and it’s because he can’t fuck you like you should be fucked.  Did you forget the way you screamed my name? I know he didn’t make you do that. You now why? He’s too soft, what you need is someone like me, who doesn’t treat you like your made of glass.” He let his teeth nip against her ear, “Tell me you don’t want me again.” On cue he felt her tremble in his arms, her breathing growing shallow once more. “You’re all fire and Atlas could never match you.”

If Meera thought that her arrogant soulmate would back away, she was sorely mistaken. There was no quit in Maxwell, in fact as she rebuffed the dark haired man, he became bolder; his response sharper. She had half a mind to kick him in the shin if it weren’t for the fact that having him so close made her weak that she swore she could melt into a puddle. His first remark stunned her for a moment. Did he just admit that he wanted her? Of course he did, he wanted her body, he’d made it clear. Still, despite how she abhorred him, her body reacted to him being near. Her heart pounded in her chest, her dark hues zeroing on his devilishly handsome face as he drew closer. The urge to respond, to tell him to leave her be was there, and yet, she seemed to have lost the ability to speak, so she was left staring at him as he continued to mock her. How the hell was she still standing? His body now was pressed deliciously against hers, where she could feel how hard he was in contrast to her softer physique.

There was no denying that she wanted him more than she ever wanted anyone, but it wasn’t the body that she loathed, it was the man himself. All of the words that came out of his mouth left her bitter and angry; she really wanted him to go away, but he kept at it; this time going a step further by nipping at her earlobe. She could stand for a lot, but not when he was standing here insulting the man she loved. Atlas was a good man, and she wouldn’t allow anyone to utter a bad word against him. The thought finally snapped her out of the lust filled haze and with all of her strength she pushed Maxwell off her. “Don’t you dare talk about him that way! You are scum compared to him. I hate you!” She barked, wanting so badly to slap him across the face, but instead, she unlocked the door and stormed out of the room; headed towards her car. With the mood she was in now, there was no way she could stay, she had to go home. Most importantly, she had to get away from her egotistical soulmate. She was fuming as she drove back to her house; wishing that she had slapped him across the face. He would’ve deserved it. She hated how he affected her; how easily he could manipulate her with his touch. Couldn’t he see that he was hurting her? Didn’t he care? Those thoughts kept nagging at her on her drive; mocking her and stoking at the embers of anger within her even more.

Even as the fury and defiance raged in Meera’s striking dark hues, he could still feel her desire as he held her pressed up against him. Meera wanted him equally even as she stood and denied it. Damn her, he thought damn her for making him so goddamn weak. Max never reacted this obsessively towards any woman so what was so fucking special about Meera that had him following her like some love-sick fool? But he realized until his lust for her burned out, he would continue to be weak where she was concerned. His gaze continue to bore into hers, feeling her struggle against him but he saw the lust in her eyes that gave her away. To hear her mention her ex-boyfriend only fueled both his anger and his lust towards her. However, she was deluding herself if she was getting away from him that easily. So, his lips linger at the skin of her ear, smirking a bit as he heard her breathing go shallow. That was until she abruptly pushed him away with enough for to move him, causing him to snap out his own haze of lust momentarily. If he thought she was angry before she looked so livid that for a moment Max thought she was would slap again. Once more she made it clear how much she despised him and his eyes narrowed at her just before she exited the room but Max was right behind her watching as she drove off and he knew exactly where.

Max went over to Camila and told her something urgent came up, his friend ever so understanding, nodded but not before remarking he’d owed her one to which he agreed. The CEO climbed inside of his own car and made his way to her place, arriving a moment after she did and he saw as she climbed out of her car and began stomping her way towards her front door. Max had gained on her the moment she unlocked her door, and when she tried to shut it, he used his foot and his arm to force it open. His hazel eyes blazing, “We’re not done yet, Princess.” He said sneering the word as he managed to place himself inside her home before shutting the door behind him and walking towards her slowly like a predator stalking its pray. He could see Meera’s anger and her shock at his audacity but he didn’t care, and within seconds he had her backed up against the nearest wall. His hands pulling off her scarf to see the marks he had left and his eyes glinted possessively, as his hands wandered down her frame before grabbing her hips and pulling her flush against him. “Atlas maybe a better man than me, but he doesn’t have the first clue on how to satisfy you. It explains why you came to me, and now you’re running away? Never took you for a coward.” Max taunted her while his hands swiftly tore her the bodice of her dress. “Let those marks be a reminder of you did this to you. And by time I’m done with you today, Meera, you’ll only ever remember me, not him, only me. Do you understand?” His words were harsh laced with anger but also untamed hunger and possessiveness. He didn’t wait for her to respond instead his mouth came crashing down on her, claiming and dominating her mouth as his hands worked to removed her dress completely. When it was off, he swiftly lifted her until her legs were around his waist and she was pressed farther against the wall. Everything about his kiss was punishing, tongue and teeth assaulting her mouth as his fingers dug into her legs.

The more Meera thought about the situation she was in, the angrier she became. Although most of her ire was reserved for her arrogant soulmate, she felt as though the blame was partially on her too. She should’ve never gone to his home last week, and neither should she have given in to her bodily desires. It was those hauntingly erotic dreams that made her do it, and after she’d gotten a taste of what he could do to her body, she wanted more. She needed him to take her like he did that night. Just thinking about how much she wanted him to fuck her again earlier, had her speeding down the road. Before long, she made it home without incident and as she walked inside,–her mind consumed by her anger–she didn’t make it a point to notice her surroundings. By the time she did, it was too late; Maxwell was there, and by the way he had so easily stopped her from slamming the door in his face, she could tell that he too was angry. Her heartbeat hastened; drumming harshly behind her chest as she backed away, needing to put space between them. She was not afraid that he would hurt her. No, in spite of their history, Maxwell would never harm her. What she feared was her weakness, if he touched her once more, she would never be able to resist him, she would let him take her over and over until all she felt was ecstasy. Moments later, she felt her back pressed against the wall before he approached, his body heat surrounding her like a blanket. How pathetic was it that he hadn’t even touched her and her knees felt weak already?

Meera bit her bottom lip when he undid the scarf around her neck, unveiling the marks he’d left on her; a gasp leaving her as his hands wandered about her body, almost like he was taunting her before he pulled her close. When Atlas’ name came out of his lips, she wanted to scream at him to stop; she didn’t want to be reminded of the man she’d lost, nor did she want him to keep badmouthing him. Her retort was stuck in her throat however when he tore at her dress; his words replaying in her mind, ‘By the time I’m done with you today, Meera, you’ll only ever remember me, not him, only me,’ as their lips met in a deep and hungry kiss. She couldn’t fight him any longer, not when she’d been so miserable this past week; aching for him to take her again. It didn’t take long at all for things to escalate, what seemed like seconds later, her legs were wrapped around his waist, arms clutching him to her body. As much as she wanted to just allow him to take charge however, she had to make something clear, so even though it loathed her to stop, she did it anyway. “This is between you and me, Max. Don’t ever bring up his name again. Ever.” Her words were harsh, but she needed him to understand that Atlas had nothing to do with what they were doing. She didn’t want to be reminded of what she’d lost; if they were going to do this it would have to be kept between them. Once she felt satisfied that he understood her meaning, she pulled him against her once more; and continued the passionate kiss they shared from earlier.

Max intently watched her expressions as he removed the scarf from her and began pressing further into the wall, carefully annunciated each work he spoke to ensure that she understood just how serious he was. Meera was doomed the very first time she had appeared at his doorstep and gave herself to him. Whereas before he hadn’t been sure if he would be able to have her again, the moment he saw the annoyed look that crossed her features and then the tone she used to describe Camila had told everything he needed to know. Well, if Meera wouldn’t admit it to him he’d find out this way if she truly still did desire him the same way she would tell him to stop right there and then. And until she strictly forbade him to touch her, it was all fair game for him but as he caged her and began groping her everywhere until he had her dress torn  off her body, he could see the desire darkened her coffee colored hues. It was all the encouragement Max needed to have his way with her, and it was like this need to claim her completely. The thought did unsettle him but he easily ignored it as anger and lust coursed through him.

Before Max lifted her bare body, he caught the words she spoke and met her gaze letting her see how he had no interest in speaking of her ex-boyfriend whatsoever. “We’re on the same page.” he told her harshly before he silenced her with his mouth. His lips crashing overs in bruising force as he swiftly lifted her only bare body clad only in a black lace panties. His hands dug into her legs as he pressed harder against the wall. His tongue dueling and dominating hers, greedily stroking every corner of her mouth before hair became an issue and he to pull away. His mouth trailed downwards and leaving opened-mouthed kisses, almost bruising her delicate flesh once more. Max couldn’t get enough, he simply couldn’t stop tasting her and groping her and his cock throbbed to be inside of her. He let one hand slid down between the two, once more ripping off her panties so harshly the sound of ripping fabric echoed throughout the room. His hands already made their way to her already soaked folds that a deep groan vibrated from his chest. “So damn wet.” He growled, his lips now by her ear lobe, harshly biting down on it. “Tell me who this for. I want to hear it from you pretty little mouth.”  His hands rubbed and fondled with her folds, fingers moving expertly, against her soft core and her little clit as he waited for her answer. “Tell me.” He demanded a bit more forcefully, his teeth nipping at her ear and then the skin below as he pushed her father into wall, the one arm that was balancing her still gripping her leg before he moved it to her ass and gave it her ass cheek a hard squeeze.

Meera wasn’t going to delude herself into thinking that this wasn’t what she wanted. As much as she hated to admit it, she couldn’t lie to herself anymore; she wanted Maxwell, needed him to touch her like he did that night when he’d taken her, uncaring of the bitter history they shared. She might hate how easily he could boil her blood, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t burn for his touch. He left her weak with just a whisper, something no one had ever been able to achieve before. The pull he had on her was strong and no matter how much she wanted to break free, she never could do it. Whenever he was near, she gravitated towards him, needing his attention to fully be on her. Perhaps that was why seeing Camila in his arms kindled her jealousy. It ignited so quickly, she swore that she would have exploded if she had to watch them together for a moment longer. She’d made her presence known, testing to see if he would react, and when he did, she couldn’t quell the sense of satisfaction that hailed down upon her raging anger. Having him here again felt right, and she needed him to know that she wanted him, that this thing between them was consensual, and that she would only be thinking of him as he inundated her with his touch.

Meera heard his response to her earlier remark and could only acknowledge it with a slight nod. Moans and mewls of pleasure left her when their lips met again, his kisses just as hungry as hers. Her fingers buried itself inside his thick raven locks, her nails gently scraping along his scalp to urge him on. She could feel her sex pulsing in anticipation, moisture pooling along the crotch of her panties. He’d pressed her so hard against the wall, she was sure she would be seeing bruises on her spine the next morning. Even so, she couldn’t bring herself to care, not when he was bringing her so much pleasure. When at last their lips parted, she shifted her head, neck craning upward as he assaulted the smooth skin that he’d marked a week ago. “Max, please…” She couldn’t help but plead, wanting him to stop teasing her and give her what she needed. Moments later, the lacy fabric of her panties was ripped off her body and she felt his fingers on her aching core. Another moan was pulled harshly from her diaphragm while his fingers teased her, forcing her closer to her edge. His mouth was now on her lobe, teeth nipping at the skin as he demanded answers from her. She couldn’t lie, not when she needed him so badly. “You. Only you, Max.” She somehow managed to tell him, in spite of the ardent lust that was flowing through her veins; nearly engulfing her whole. “Don’t tease me, Max. I need you to fuck me.” To garner his attention, she dug her nails into his scalp, in the hopes that he would give in to her request.

Max groaned when Meera’s body curved around his and her fingers buried themselves inside of his hair. Even with his own clothes on, he could feel the heat of her naked body as if he were pressed against her naked. Right now, he couldn’t find it in himself to put her down and remove his own clothing. His hands and mouth to busy exploring her. He placed open-mouthed kisses on her soft skin, teeth making wherever they could reach as his hand continued to fondle her petal-soft folds. His thumb rubbed her against clit roughly as he slipped it a finger inside of her, pushing her even father into the wall while his body pressed closer to her. Max knew he was going to leave marks and bruises on her, he had began with that exact intention that the next day she looked herself all she would see was him all over. His grip on her with his free hand tightened on her when she moaned and begged him for more. His pride swelling but more importantly his desire sky-rocketed, aching to hear more of her pleas. To hear Meera say how much she needed him over and over, thus he demanded she say who she’d been this wet for. His finger pumping inside of her hard as his mouth dipped down and found her nipple.(edited)He bit down on the rose-colored bud as his finger moved faster inside of her. “Only for me and don’t you dare forget it, Meera.” He growled out as her walls clamped down in his finger. When he heard her request of needing to be fucked, he met her gaze his own dark as the night sky and Max then pulled his finger out. “I’ll fuck you so hard you’re going to forget every man you fucked before me.” He promised her darkly, using that hand to free his rock hard cock, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping until it was free. His mouth caught hers in a demanding kiss, tongue plunging inside as he lined up his cock to her entrance, rubbing the crown of it against her as her juices coated his length and then without warning he thrust inside of her hard. A deep growl leaving his lips as she once more gripped him so tight, he swore he saw stars. A shudder went through him at the pleasure that came over him once more. Not even giving her the chance to adjust to his length, he moved swiftly after, both hands gripped her waist as he thrusted upwards inside of her, “Fuck.” He breathed against her lips still holding them captive as he fucked her hard but swift strokes. Letting her feel every inch of his arousal inside her as he slid even deeper inside of her with each thrust.

Meera would never beg for anything, but after having to go without Maxwell’s touch this past week, she couldn’t stop herself from doing so. She’d gone through enough suffering and now that they were here again, she wasn’t just going to allow him to torture her even more. What else could she do but beg? His touch lit a fire under her skin, she wanted him with a fierceness that she herself could not comprehend. She let out a wail of pleasure as his hot mouth covered her breast, teeth nipping at her sensitive nipple. Her pussy clenched around his fingers when his possessive words reached her ears, and her gaze locked with his. She could see desire gleaming behind his darkened hues, but the part that was clear was his hunger to possess her. Once again, his claims that he didn’t want her were overshadowed by his actions. There was no way that his claims were real, just like she was starting to understand the inner workings of her own heart. She might not be in love with her soulmate, but she would always want him. The revelation fueled her ardent lust for him even more. “Oh God, Max…” She moaned, her heart beat kicking up a few notches as she clung to him for dear life, the fingers that were buried in his hair tugging at the locks fervently. Moments later, she heard him freeing himself from the confines of his pants where he then poised his cock along her entrance and entered her swiftly. She’d thrown her head back when she felt the full extent of his girth filling her, stretching her to where she didn’t know where he ended and she began. Her lips were on his once again not long after that and once she’d found her bearings, she returned his kiss with all the pent up hunger she felt for him. He’d only just begun and yet, she could already feel her climax approaching. With every thrust, the impending explosion kept building; she needed more to reach her peak, so if she had to beg, she would do it and she did just that seconds later.  “Harder, Max… Please… I need you…” She murmured against his lips before catching the bottom one with her teeth and nipping on it; their tongues meeting and clashing zealously once again.

Max was fully aware of the mixed signals he was sending to Meera and maybe if he wasn’t so caught up on claiming her he’d take a step back and reevaluate what he was doing. It wasn’t until Meera had left his place last week did he realize he was going to be that selfish bastard and take what he wanted. Perhaps if Meera had ordered him to stay away from her he’d have found a way to get rid of her from his system completely but no she only encouraged him and thus what control he did hold onto all this time snapped completely. His mouth devouring her and his hands groping her everywhere he could reach. It wasn’t until she stark naked and caged between him in the wall did his hands finally make way to her drenched core, her words that it had all been for him only fueled him further. Meera had no idea how much he thrived off her words, her pleas, and her delicious moans. As his finger pumped inside of her, he felt Meera cling to him even tighter her curves pressed against before he quickly free himself and within seconds he was buried inside of her to hilt in rough thrust. His hazel hues were now onyx as he watched her throw her head back in completely ecstasy that his hearted hammered at the sight of her completely lost in the pleasure all due to him. The sight filled with him more possessiveness than before and he thrust inside of her roughly, not giving her a chance to get used to him he moved in deep but fast strokes.

Soon his mouth caught hers again in another possessive kiss, like his thrust his mouth on her didn’t relent either. Oh but the way Meera was respond, her legs wrapping tighter around him and the way she clenched around his dick so goddamn well that harsh groans left his mouth. When he heard her utter how much she needed him and her request, Max rammed even harder inside of her pushing her deeper into the wall as his hands digging deeper into her hips. He was sure his fingers would leave bruises on her hips but that only encouraged his movements. Her walls convulsing around him and Max realized she was so close and without breaking his rhythm or their frenzied kiss, he freed one hand and found her folds. His fingers stroking her folds as his thumb stroked her clit, but he broke their kiss so his lips and teeth could suck at her pulse point. “Come for me, Meera,” he ordered her, just as his thumb pressed down her clit and he pushed inside of her even harder. “Let me feel that pussy drench my cock” His teeth almost sinking into the skin of her neck as he rammed harder inside of her. Max wanted to come with her but his determination to fuck her into oblivion was winning so he would hold off until he was sure Meera only ever remembered his name and no one else’s.

‘I need you’ Those were the last things Meera ever expected to say to Maxwell. And yet, despite her denials and rebuffs, she couldn’t go on lying to herself. Her being needed him with an intensity that was so strong, it scared her. She had never thought she needed anyone. Although she fell in and out of relationships easily, she was fine being alone. She never knew that she would ever become this needy, craving someone so badly that it hurts when he was away from her. Her other half seemed to have that effect on her however and as much as she hated how she felt, she was simply too weak to walk away. With her begging, he finally relented, thrusting even deeper into her. Her mouth and tongue moved with his, moans of pleasure leaving her with each hard thrust. The sounds that she was making grew louder when he lavished his attention on her sensitive nub, though she couldn’t let go yet. It was as though she needed his full permission before she could do that. The harsh rumble of his demand finally took her over the edge and as her pussy pulsed tightly around his cock, and white streaks of light appeared before her, she screamed out his name to the high heavens. “Max…"

Meera didn’t know how long they stayed there, clutching onto each other as she slowly came down from the peak of her climax. When she did, her dark hues met with his and for the first time ever since their volatile relationship began, she spoke to him with kindness. "Let’s go to my room. It’s upstairs, the first door to your right.” For a time, she simply gazed upon his devilishly handsome face, and as she did that, fondness settled within her heart. She didn’t understand where it came from, and didn’t feel like analyzing her feelings, so as to distract her from it, she lowered her head and caught his lips yet again. He moved then, bringing them towards her room. If the journey took too long, she wouldn’t have known as she felt herself drowning in his kiss, greedily accepting everything he offered her. It wasn’t until she felt her back hit the mattress that she tore her lips away. Her eyes darkened with lust once again, and after being allowed to take charge a week ago, she pushed him onto his back and straddled his lap. Then, with her pitch black eyes on his, she lined his erection along her entrance and sank down on him, taking him fully inside her wet and tight channel. “Fuck, Max…” she whispered, her head thrown back for a moment.

As her moans grew louder so did the intensity of his thrusts as he rammed inside of her, the sounds of her pleas and pleasured moans were like some sort of erotic music to his ears. It was then Max began to realize that while he was also trying to sate his own hunger, he was also relishing in the gratification that came from being able to please her so thoroughly. He wanted to say he didn’t know it was so important for her to find her pleasure but he’d be lying because he knew exactly why. Max wanted her desires and he wanted them to be solely for him and not any other bastard. Did this possessives stem from them being soulmates? Hell if he knew he anymore because he didn’t know a goddamn thing anymore other than how he craved her over and over like deranged lunatic or some junkie.  Max returned his attention to the woman in his arms, still moving inside of her deep but rough strokes as their mouths battled for dominance, His hand stroking, rubbing, and pinching her clit until he growled in Meera’s ear and commanded her to orgasm. With one more hard thrust inside of her, he felt her coming hard, her walls clamping on him even tighter causing him to moan deeply but he didn’t ease up. And oh the way she scared his name already made him harder if possible. But he moved inside of her still, drawing out of her orgasm as her juices milked his cock entirely. His hands still holding her hips in an iron grip until she went limp in his arms. Max held her for what seemed like a while, hearing her shallow breathing until she shifted and looked him straight in the eye, and he was taken aback by the softness in her voice. That for next seconds he simply stared at her in silence, as Meera did as well, his eyes raking over her delicate features as he felt his heart still slam against his ribcage. What the hell was that?

Max snapped out of it eventually and carried her to her room their mouths finding again but this time in a kiss much slower and he was still buried inside of her as he moved them both. He didn’t know why but this kiss felt a bit different, why he didn’t know but it made him want to keep kissing her in this manner. The CEO placed her on his bed and then began to lean over her, seeking her mouth once more but he found himself on his back with Meera straddling him. He recovered from the momentary surprised, his cock growing harder as she lowered herself on him like some sensual goddess and he watched utterly mesmerized as she finally sank down on his steel length and moaned right with her. Their gazes locked and he saw her eyes turn the same shade of black as was his own. He still watched her with her head thrown back and her dark lustrous hair flowing behind her back. “I know,” Max said gruffly, voice thick with desire and he was seeing stars at this angle, allowing him to be even deeper inside of her. “Move” he demanded, taking a hold of her hips and thrusting upwards harshly, groans leaving his lips and he continued a few minutes longer before he sat upright so he could bring her closer. Taking one hand he ran it down her spine until he was palming her ass, encouraging her to move above him. His other hand found one plump breast. Squeezing and palming the soft flesh as his fingers found her nipple, he used the hand on her ass to bring her closer so she was leaning against him. His mouth found hers in another hungry kiss as she moved above him. This most certainly had become Max’s favorite position, because the sight of her gorgeous frame moving above him was unlike anything he’d ever seen.

With the newest revelation assailing her, Meera could no longer escape the truth; she was Maxwell’s. It might just be physically, but no matter how she tried to look at it, the proof was there, making itself glaringly obvious. She was his. It still boggled her mind how despite thinking that Fate got it all wrong, she found herself backtracking on at least one aspect; they were compatible sexually. She’d never felt so much satisfaction with her past lovers; no one had been able to come close to pleasuring her like he could. Perhaps that was why he was her soulmate, they might not get along, but physically he was a perfect match for her. There were still a few questions she needed answers to however, if their dynamic was purely for sexual gratification only, then why did he feel the need to possess her, like she suddenly felt for him when she thought of Camila Vazquez sinking her paws into Maxwell. Jealousy inflamed her senses and she suddenly felt herself moving, her hips shifting when she heard her other half’s demand. Sinking her nails into his pecs, she used her hands as leverage while she rode him; leaving wanton moans to echo across her room in her wake. For her efforts she was rewarded abundantly; as she sank down, he thrust up to meet her, forcing the full extent of his cock deep into her pussy, but even with white hot lust whipping at her senses, Meera still needed more and by some miracle Maxwell was able to read that.

Meera couldn’t stop the moans from spilling  free when once again he flipped the script on her by sitting up and enveloping her with his warmth. His hands were everywhere, on her breast, kneading the soft mound and her sensitive nipple, while the other was on her ass where he used it to move her so that their upper bodies would meet. Their mouths clashed once again, her tongue immediately finding his in a kiss that could only be described as fiery and all consuming. Not once did she stop moving, her hips swiveling as she rode him hard and fast. Her heart raced behind her chest, soft whimpers leaving her as she felt her lust spiraling. It was only lack of oxygen that forced their lips apart and when she did so, their darkened hues met. She kept her eyes locked with his as she moved, wanting him to remember that she was here with him not the petite Latina he’d paraded around earlier. As possessiveness trickled into her being, she lowered her head, but instead of kissing him, she sank her teeth into the flesh on his neck, feeling the need to leave her mark on him. She needed him to remember that it was she who’d marked him and no matter how much he wanted to deny it, he was hers as much as she was his.

As Meera moved above him, Max kept his eyes on her watching her intently as she moved with such determination that had him mildly curious. However, his brain couldn’t focus on the thoughts exactly because he was so lost in the feeling of her walls clamping him as she rode him. Grunts and groans leaving his mouth each time she rotated her hips and Max had found himself even deeper inside of her. God, he could watch her all day riding him to her heart’s content and taking her pleasure that he swore each time she moaned he grew even harder inside of her. “Fuck yes, just like that.”  He encouraged as he Max felt her nails digging into his abs. A deep moan left his lips both at the sensation of being inside of her and her nails digging into his flesh. At one point, Max shifted her closer to him needing to feel her lush curves and her warmth against his body, and he slid his hand down to her ass and tugged her forward. His one arm wrapping around her in an iron-grip as she continued to move, while his mouth claimed her in another hungry kiss as if he could devour her mouth whole because god he couldn’t enough of her taste. Max squeezed her ass some more encouraging her to move faster as his hips thrust upward in rough strokes. He too felt the pleasure build, white-hot streaks coursing through him and Max swore Meera was his own heaven on earth but despite being inside of her he couldn’t get enough of her.

The kiss broke when they both ran out of breath and Meera leaned back until their eyes locked, a look in her dark eyes that he didn’t quite understand. Meera than broke the eye lock and he felt her lips on his neck and seconds later her teeth sinking into his flesh. Max’s hand moved to her hips before he moaned at the sensation of her teeth in his flesh, “Fuck, Meera!” A deep growl escaping him once more and as he thrust even harder inside of her as he realized she too was trying to make him. It only turned him on even more and his need to claim her grew as the minutes went by as a red haze appeared before his eyes and he abruptly reversed their positions. Still buried balls deep inside of her tight channel, he swiftly hitched her legs over his back before ramming inside of her harder. His hands found hers and he moved them so they were resting on either side of her face with his own cover them and holding them captive in his. “You’re coming for me again,” Max ordered her, keeping his dark hungry gaze on her and ensuring she didn’t look away as he thrust inside of her roughly. “You feel so goddamn perfect, how do I not want to bury myself inside of you over and over?” The words slipped from his lips as a growl as he pressed her deeper into her mattress. His hips not relenting because needed to feel her pussy clench him as it had earlier. Max wanted to come but not yet, not until he was fully ready to separate from her but he was beginning to think he wouldn’t ever be able to. He kept their gazes locked for several moments longer before he leaned down and pressed a bruising kiss to her lips, his tongue and teeth assaulting her mouth as he thrust harder willing her to come because he needed even feel more of her. He then tore his mouth away and began nipping a trail down her neck before taking a nipple in his mouth to stimulate her further.

Meera didn’t quite understand where her possessiveness came from. She understood lust, had even accepted the fact that she would always want her soulmate, but what she didn’t quite understand was the raw need to brand him like he did her; to announce that he was not available for the taking, so that all the thirsty bitches out there would know that he was hers and hers alone. The revelation stunned her, nearly forcing her to stop in her tracks. Again, she suspected that her reaction had a lot to do with him being her other half. That had to be all there was to it, she refused to believe that it was anything else. Even with that knowledge, she still couldn’t fathom why she felt like this. Not once had she acted jealous before this. Hell, she wasn’t even sure that she was capable of feeling that way before tonight. It frightened her to know that Maxwell had that kind of hold on her, that he was capable of making her envious to the point where she didn’t even know who she was anymore. As usual, she couldn’t keep the troubling thoughts within her mind for very long. Not with the way Maxwell was reacting to what she was doing. Instead of being made to feel discouraged, he’d incited her ardour. His moans and the way he was gripping at her hips, helped embolden her. She rode him faster, her hips swiveling, and with her movements, she’d coaxed yet another climax. The brunette could have stayed like this for the whole night, simply taking what she wanted and keeping Maxwell begging for more. She didn’t want him to think that he was the only one capable of making her yearn for him, she too could make him burn for her. Having the upper hand was wishful thinking of course. Before she could react, her soulmate had flipped her onto her back and she found him looming above her, his dark as the night sky’s eyes bore into hers. And as he did so, she felt butterflies fluttering about in the pit of her stomach. Goosebumps lined her skin and her heart thud loudly in her chest. “Oh God, Max…” she moaned loudly, once again feeling the full extent of his cock buried deep in her pussy.

Focusing became extremely hard, and although she knew that she was supposed to keep her eyes locked with his, all she could see were stars as he continued to thrust into her, taking her hard and fast like she’d wanted him to. She needed to touch him, to wrap her arms around him and sink her nails into the hard muscles on his back, but before she could do that he’d already entrapped her hands with his. Her fingers immediately curled around his, gripping onto them like anchors, not wanting to be swept away by her need to release just yet. As much as she tried however, she knew that the inevitable ending was approaching fast. His thrusts were punishing, and if that wasn’t enough, his erotic growls, demanding that she came for him and that he wanted to be buried within her hilt because she felt so perfect, nearly threw her over the edge. “I’m so close…” She pleaded, her hues finally focusing on his and before she could say anymore, he covered her lips with his in a kiss that was so intense, she felt herself forgetting what it was she was begging for to begin with. Meanwhile, her climax kept climbing, and when he took her nipple into his mouth, her body gave in. Everything felt like it had shattered around her. Bright spots filled her vision and her body shook, as the all consuming pleasure hailed down upon her body. “Max,” came tumbling out of her mouth, in a scream that was so loud, she was sure she would lose her voice the following morning.

It was at this moment that Max was beginning to realize it was this inexplicable feeling of being with her in this manner that he desperately wanted to cling onto. A feeling that was so foreign too but one he’d experienced their first time that had him hungry for more. Hunger for Meera and the way she felt against him but hunger for what she made him feel. Even if he tried to he couldn’t even begin to explain this euphoric feeling that came with simply having her in his arms. The thought did alarm him but he didn’t focus on it and instead allowed himself to surrender to this adulterated pleasure he was sharing with his soulmate. At one point, Max turned her over without warning, pushing inside of her harder and holding her hands captive in his. If it was possible she clenched around him tighter and he felt her hands curl into his own which caused him to move harder inside of her. The way she moaned his name as if she needed Max more than life itself, spurred him on and he moved inside of relentlessly, as he’d heard and felt how she close she was. The way her walls were convulsing around his length, another moan left his lips, “Meera.” He growled out as he demanded he come, needing to her feel more than ever as their mouths clashed in another frenzy kiss before he dipped his head and caught her nipple. With a sharp nibble on her rose-colored nipple and two more powerful thrusts, he felt her climax, with it, came her erotic her scream of his name and it made him even harder inside of her. The sound of his name on her lips still ringing pleasantly in his ear. Another wave of pleasure washed over him as she soaked his cock yet again and clamped around him harder. “Fuck” But he continued moving inside of her, letting her ride out her orgasm, drawing it out even as she held his cock in an iron grip with her walls. “So fucking good.” he breathed, still moving inside of her as his own orgasm build. He then hitched her leg around him tighter and thrust a few more times before his own peaked, the climax so intense that a shudder rippled through his body. He was still breathing heavily as he hovered over, still buried inside of her and still, he didn’t want to slip out of her. Instead, he leaned down and pressed her into the mattress as he caught her mouth in a sensual kiss, his lips moving lazily overs as his tongue swept her mouth once more. His grip on her hands loosening as his body still hummed in the pleasure of his orgasm and Max should have moved away but quite frankly he didn’t want to just yet.

Sex between Meera and Maxwell had always been frantic and filled with unbridled pleasure. Nothing had changed, they were still desperate for each other, their kisses alone spoke of that. Still, there was a shift in the air. Although their hunger have yet to be doused, there were moments of tenderness between them, like the way he looked at her; his gaze was still filled with desire and yet, she could also see a glimmer of affection in those darkened hues of his. The observation left her astounded, and wondering if perhaps she’d been judging him too harshly all along. Maybe he did have a heart after all. She couldn’t bring herself to think that way, to hope that there could be more between them in the future. That was just setting herself up for failure, and worst of all; heartbreak, something that she swore she would never allow to happen again. She couldn’t afford to go down that route, not again, so before she could get swept away, she steeled her emotions, and focus instead on the pleasure that Maxwell was giving her; ignoring everything else, including how her heart raced as her name spilled from his lips. His hips rocked, cock still thrusting into her as she came down from the apex of her climax. Soon after, his release followed, and as he emptied himself into her body, she shuddered underneath him. Her lips were still on his, their tongues swirling together in an unhurried kiss, as slight whimpers and moans slipped past her. She never wanted the moment to end, wanting him close despite knowing that eventually they would be parted yet again, and the gaping hole she felt within her heart this past week would make its way back.

The moments that frightened Max the most were when he made the mistake of gazing into her dark hues for too long. When he’d first laid eyes on her, he’d noticed her sinful curvy form, but he realized upon moving closer to her that day that it was her doe-like eyes that were the most dangerous thing about Meera. The moment he looked into the dark swirls of rich coffee that he realized if a man wasn’t careful they could get easily get up in them. He could perhaps admit to himself its why he couldn’t allow himself to gaze into them for so long because he was afraid she would keep him trapped in them. Just like he tried not to focus on how for the first in his life since having Meera he didn’t feel so…hollow. It was a frightening thought and thus Max placed it aside and concentrated on the ecstasy he was in as he moved inside of her. The way her walls clenched around him until he was coming and just as he spilled himself inside of her, he felt a shudder ripple through Meera as well. He breathed her name harshly before catching her mouth in a deep but unhurried kiss, taking his time to explore her mouth as their tongues danced together passionately. This was all so strange to him, never had Max had shared such an experience with another woman, nor had he ever taken the time to linger after his needs were taken care of. But in this moment, the male couldn’t find it himself to move. He did slip out of her reluctantly and immediately felt the loss of their connection and her warmth but continued to kiss her until he ran out of breath. Max then moved off, rolling on this back beside her as silence settled between them and while words formed in his mind he couldn’t bring himself to speak just yet. Though, he knew Meera must have been exhausted still he didn’t move off the bed or any motion to leave just yet, truthfully, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to just yet. “Sleep.” He told her gently, without quite looking at her but moved to pull her blanket over them as their bodies cooled down. Until Meera actually asked him to leave, he figure it wouldn’t hurt to stick back.

Since nothing made sense anymore, Meera have decided not to go on torturing herself with the conflicting signals that Maxwell was sending her. She couldn’t keep agonizing over it, it would drive her crazy, but despite her efforts, she knew that things were always going to be complicated between them. Even from the get go, from their initial meeting, she always felt this connection between her and her raven-haired soulmate. For the longest time, she kept insisting that it was all because he wouldn’t leave her alone, his words had always sparked her to retort back angrily. It was maddening how easily he could vex her and it wasn’t until she found out the true reasoning behind this tether she always felt for him that she finally understood everything. They might deny their soulmate bond, might even try to run away from it,–God knows she was still trying to–but the truth was irrefutable, they were born to complete each other. Perhaps that was where the possessiveness stems from, and she could only hope that someday soon, the feelings of wanting to own all of Maxwell would eventually fade, despite knowing that it never would. Her heart suddenly ached again; it felt dull at first, but when their lips stopped moving and he shifted away from her, it sharpened. Meera couldn’t find the right words to say, not even a snappy remark, so instead, she clutched onto the blanket that her other half had thrown over their sweat slicked bodies and stared up at the wall. This should be a breeze, she should have kicked him out of her bed, but once more, she couldn’t do that to him. She was rather glad that he didn’t make it a point to touch her, because with the way she was feeling right now, she might just end up crying. Her eyes drifted shut once she heard his request for her to go to sleep, maybe it was the lack of malice that placated her into doing so, or perhaps she was just tired. Eventually however, all of her troubles melted away and before long she had drifted off into a deep and restful sleep.

Max didn’t have to look over at her to know she was awake but not a word was said between them. He didn’t know how long he lay there, lost in thought until he looked over and saw Meera fast asleep. He didn’t know what had him act so impulsively but he turned to look at her sleeping form and god she looked even stunning in her sleep. It was also perhaps the first time he’d seen her so at peace near him that his heart tugged once more. Without him realizing, his hand reached out to trace the contours of her cheek, gently brushed her hair back before his fingers stroked her flushed cheeks. The softness of her cheeks sending tingles up his arm that Max the sudden urge to tug her to his chest. The desire to see her sleeping form curled into his own was so strong that the mere thought had panic rising within him. He should not want any of that with Meera, he never had with anyone woman. But he slow realized how his body physically ached to be away from her and he had no idea what to do about it. What happened between his first night with Meera and now that had left him in this rather pathetic state? No matter how hard he tried to come up with a rational explanation, it still failed him. The first night with her, Max had managed to convince himself it was just his hunger for her needed to sate and he knew he wouldn’t be satisfied with just one night. Now that he had her again, his yearning seemed to have no bounds and the worst part of it this was that his gut was telling him it went beyond his lust for his soulmate. It was then the panic set in and he pulled his hand back and gently moved off the bed, careful not to disturb her slumber as he quickly dressed himself and then without a backwards glance walked out of her room and her home.

COMPLETED

[the--sad--hatter]

Name Calling (5)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU

PAIRING - BUCKY X READER (female reader, no physical descriptions)

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION -  In which the ongoing and bloody war of words between you and Bucky turns in your favor when a disgruntled one night stand of his lets slip a secret when you run into her in the elevator… Now you have all the ammunition you need to destroy your enemy but you don’t plan on killing him quickly. Oh no, Bucky Barnes was going to suffer and you were going to enjoy every second. You just didn’t count on how much you would enjoy it.

Chapter Five - The Dating Game

You paced as you tried to process this new information. Bucky hated you, you were absolutely sure of that. He’d hadn’t shown any signs of being attracted to you before yet he had said your name in the throes of passion. That had to mean something. After hours of pacing you came to the conclusion that while Bucky hated you there must be an underlying attraction he was keeping hidden, probably even from himself. In fact if you knew Bucky he was probably as shocked by what had happened as you were and he would be seriously regretting it. You felt a grim satisfaction at the idea of the mental reprimanding he was probably giving himself right now.

The question was, what did you do with this information? Oh you were going to use it against him, that was for certain. But how? If you told him you knew he would be mortified but that would be a quick victory. You didn’t want to waste this massive gift you had been given. You had to use this to torture him as much as possible. The corners of your lips curled up in slowly as you realised exactly what you had to do. You had to feed the hidden attraction he had to you, make it grow and Bucky would torture himself.

You had a plan of attack and you were taking Bucky Barnes down, once and for all.

Giddy with amusement at all that had happened that night and looking forward to the next morning you settled yourself into bed. You had never slept so soundly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Bucky squinted as the first rays of sunlight penetrated his room at Stark Tower. He hadn’t slept at all that night, hadn’t moved from his seat on the edge of the bed after the irate and embarrassed woman had told him to go fuck himself and stormed out. Bucky really couldn’t blame her. It had been going perfectly, she was interested and passionate, beautiful too. And before they had even began he had completely screwed it up.

In the heat of the moment, with his hands tangled in the womans hair and her hands on his thighs and her lips on his neck his brain was switched off and he had thrown his head back, the wrong name slipping unbidden from his mouth in a groan.

He hadn’t been thinking about her, hadn’t been picturing her at all. Or so he argued with himself but he must have been, why else would he have said her name? He wasn’t attracted to her at all, he despised the woman. He had said her name because Thor’s Asgardian liquor had muddled his mind, because he was still angry at her. Because he hated her. She was the last woman he would want to picture in such a compromising position, on her knees between his thighs, running her hands up his legs, her warm lips pressed into his neck.

He stood up quickly, shaking the mental image he had accidentally conjured from his mind. His heart was racing because of his rage, no other reason he assured himself. It wasn’t lust coursing through his veins, it was loathing. He repeated it to himself like a mantra all the way down to the gym where there was a punching bag to take his frustrations out on.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You were well rested but anxious. Morning had brought about the realization that there was one gaping flaw in your plan.

Flirting wasn’t your strong suit. You had a very limited range of experiences in that area. One experience to be precise. It had been a lab assistant on one of the lower floors who’s coffee you had caught before he had dropped it on the floor.

He had stammered and thanked you, blushing adorably. You quickly realised that every time you smiled at him he blushed and you went out of your way every day to find a way to his floor to smile and say hello, once you had casually winked at him and his heart had started beating so fast your enhanced hearing had picked up on it. You hadn’t realised at the time you were flirting with him, it hadn’t been intentional. Only when Pepper pointed out what you were doing did you figure it out and had panicked, avoiding that floor from then on.

You mulled it over in the shower, mentally working your way through any possible options. You could ask Natasha for advice but she would want to know who you planned on flirting with. Darcy and Wanda were out for the same reason. Pepper was an option but if she told Tony… No, Pepper was out.

You apprehensively googled “flirting techniques” on your phone with one hand while you towel dried your hair but that was as unhelpful and disturbing as you had feared. You absent-mindedly pulled on one of the t-shirts you had pilfered from Sam and sat cross legged on the end of your bed as you tried to think of some way to subtly seduce a man you despised. You just weren’t great at this sort of thing, you were raised to be a weapon of mass destruction not a femme fatale.

Maybe the lack of experience was part of the problem, maybe you needed to actually get some real world experience. Maybe you should start dating. But did you want that?

Pepper and Tony completed each other, they made each other happier. You already had so much love in your life, you didn’t think you were lacking. Still, there was no set limit on how much love a heart could hold. Not to mention what the woman in the elevator had said last night about meaningless flings. You didn’t know if you were a fling kind of girl or a romantic one. It was a side of yourself you hadn’t had the chance to explore.

A bubble of excitement grew in your chest as you considered it, really considered it. You weren’t a weapon of mass destruction any more, you were just a girl. And you wanted to date. You were doing this. This wasn’t just about Bucky any more, it was about you. Finding new ways to piss of the metal armed asshole was just a bonus.

Decision made you sent out a group text to Pepper, Natasha, Wanda and Darcy. You still didn’t know exactly how to do this so you needed to recruit some help.

Your phone dinged and you picked it up to see a text from Pepper, suggesting that you got some shopping in before you left the city for the compound. Wanda, Natasha and Darcy were all in. You weren’t quite sure how shopping was going to help but you agreed none the less. They after all were the experts.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One hour later and several galleons of coffee later the five of you entered a large outlet store. Natasha and Pepper had decided you would start from the cheaper, larger stores and work your way up. Darcy and Wanda were too hungover to disagree even if they wanted to and you had no experience to base an opinion on.

You veered off into The Avengers merch section with an excited grin. They had shirts for every single member of the team and you grabbed one of each, instinctively passing over the black and silver winter soldier one. Then you paused. This was perfect, this was exactly the kind of thing you needed to get under Bucky��s skin. With an internal evil cackle you hunted down every piece of Winter Soldier clothing you could find and triumphantly threw them into your basket, hiding them under a Captain America onesie lest the girls question your sudden desire buy Bucky merchandise. Satisfied with your finds you wandered off to find the rest of your group with a skip in your step.

“What did you find Kotenok?” Natasha asked, peering into your basket and chuckling at seeing the fuzzy pyjama version of Steve’s suit.

“I’m sure Cap will love that.” She remarked.

You shrugged and gave her your best innocent face as she dumped a pile of dark, skimpy, tight looking clothes in your basket. You knew better than to question her about it and went along with the Russian redhead. If anyone knew sexy, it was Natasha.

Darcy’s contributions were far more questionable as she bounded round the corner, her arms piled high with far more pairs of underwear than any human needed and she dumped them in your basket (which was now overflowing) with a large grin.

“Should I be concerned about you enthusiasm for choosing my panties?” You asked her.

“Hey! I am offended by your implication that I will be trying to guess what pair you are wearing under your clothes from now on!” She gasped, hand on her chest in mock outrage.

Before you had the chance to dive into that whole mess your attention was diverted by Wanda coming over and forcibly grabbing your face so she could hold up two lipstick tubes to your mouth. Nodding to herself she released you without a word and walked back the way she came.

This was not what you had expected when you told them you were ready to try dating but you had to admit, you were incredibly touched by how seriously they were taking this.

Several hours and many stores later you were all laden down with an obscene amount of bags as you tried to figure out a way to fit them into the cars. One intense game of bag Tetris later you were all piled into the vehicles and on your way to the restaurant Pepper had suggested for lunch.

It was a fancy place, as expected but discreet. You were all led to a private table in the back where you settled in as Pepper ordered your drinks. As soon as the waitress left four pairs of eyes pinned you down with the same intensity and you squirmed uncomfortably in your seat.

“What?” You demanded in a very nervous squeak.

“So who’s the guy? Or gal?” Darcy asked, propping her chin on her hand and smirking at you across the table.

“What Darcy means to ask is if there is someone in specific you are hoping to date.” Pepper clarified.

The four women leaned in as you opened your mouth to answer.

“No.”

You frowned, you hadn’t spoke. Natasha had.

“There’s nobody yet. This is just the next step in taking control of her life. Isn’t it Kotonk?” Natasha said.

You nodded meekly, letting her take the lead on this. The less you said the better.

“Ok that’s great news. That means we can help you find somebody. Do you have a Tindr profile?” Darcy asked.

“What’s a Tindr profile?” You enquired with a frown.

“Do you have a type, what makes someone attractive to you?” Wanda prodded.

“Oh yeah good question, we need to know what exactly we’re looking for here.” Darcy agreed.

You told your drink from the waitress and started gulping it down, you were starting to get overwhelmed. You looked to Natasha and Pepper for assistance but they both had their eyes on their laps as Darcy started talking about birth control.

“Alright, done.” Natasha stated, placing her phone down on the table.

“Beg your pardon?” You responded.

“Your date will pick you up tonight at seven. It’s a guy I know from S.H.I.E.L.D. Very sweet, handsome, interesting. You’ll adore him.” Natasha told you.

Darcy gaped at her and Wanda giggled. You just blinked rapidly trying to get your brain to engage. Pepper placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“You said you wanted this but you can change your mind at any time sweetheart. That being said, the longer you leave it, the more you’ll work yourself up over it. Happy is going to be your driver for the evening and he will be close by if you want to leave at any time.” Pepper assured you.

You looked around the table at everyone’s speculating but kind gazes. If you backed out now then they would drop it, no questions asked. You swallowed thickly and nodded.

“I’m in.” You told them.

“Wonderful, now that’s sorted what are we thinking for lunch? I’ll be getting the salmon.” Pepper said, passing you over your menu.

It was sorted. You were going on a date. Tonight. For the first time. Tonight. Your first ever date. Tonight. Pushing your nerves down you glanced at the menu, a small smile gracing your lips as amongst the nerves flickers of excitement grew.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It was 6:57 pm. Your hair was shining and softer than it had ever been, your skin was glowing, your eyelashes were dark and long, your lips painted a wicked blood red, your body was squeezed into a tight black dress and your poor feet were trapped in a pair of gorgeous but deadly heels.

The women had prepared you as best they could, now it was all up to you. You paced nervously, trying to break in the heels as Natasha and Wanda watched you with amusement. Darcy had been deployed to keep Sam away and Pepper was distracting Tony. You did not need either of the over protective men in your life making this more stressful by threatening your date. Pepper had insisted that Natasha and Wanda take photo’s before you left though.

“I’m going to throw up, oh god.” You muttered to yourself as you paced.

Wanda snickered at you.

“You’ll be fine, your date is a nice guy. He’ll make sure you have a good time.” Natasha promised.

“Why won’t you tell me more about him? I have no idea what to expect from whoever is going to be on the other side of that door. It’s freaking me out!” You shrieked.

“We can see that.” Wanda giggled.

“I hate you both.” You grumbled.

“No you don’t.” They said in unison.

Knock Knock Knock. You jumped about a foot in the air and ran towards the door, reaching it turning around and running back to Natasha and Wanda.

“What do I do?” You hissed in a panic.

“I believe you know how to open a door.” Natasha said, getting up and gently pushing you towards it.

You wrung your hands together and smoothed your dress down, licking your dry lips you approached the door and with a deep breath swung it open.

“Oh hey Steve. What’s up?” You asked.

The Captain smiled shyly at you and held out a bouquet of flowers. "You look absolutley beautiful." He told you. Your eyes took him in and you realised he was wearing a suit. Not a lets go kill nazi’s suit, a lets go to a fancy restaurant suit. You gasped loudly and your jaw hung open.

“Wha? Huh? I… What?” You stammered in shock.

Natasha laughed softly from behind you and put her hands on your shoulders, spinning you round to face her. You saw Wanda shaking with mirth behind her as you tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

“Listen to me Kotonok, we wouldn’t send you out with some stranger for your first ever date. You have never done anything like this, we aren’t going to send you out into the world with no idea what to expect. Steve is the biggest gentleman in the world, he’s going to take you to dinner and show you exactly how you deserve to be treated when you do find someone you want to go on a date with. Granted he doesn’t have much more experience than you at this but he will look after you.” Natasha explained.

“But me, Steve...” You protested.

“It’s just a practice date. And this way, your first date will always have been with someone you care about.” Natasha said.

You turned to look at Steve. His cheeks were tinged with pink and he looked nervous but smiled at you encouragingly.

“There’s nothing romantic here doll, but as your friend I would be honoured if you would let me take you out tonight.” He said earnestly.

And just like that the nervous bubble in your stomach popped. You knew Steve, you trusted Steve. There really was no one better to have your first date with, even if it was just a platonic date. You smiled happily as you realised what everyone had done for you. They had found the best way to catapult you into dating while making sure you were safe and comfortable. You reached out and accepted the flowers from Steve.

“I would love nothing more Cap.” You told him.

Wanda clapped excitedly and jumped up with her phone.

“Pictures to document the occasion, Peppers orders!” She exclaimed.

You rolled your eyes as Natasha pushed you into place next to Steve, and he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and squeezed.

“You wanna stop this, just say the word.” He assured you.

“Think of Tony’s face when he sees these pictures. His girl, dating Steve.” Natasha pointed out.

Everyone laughed at the mental image and Wanda took the photo at that exact moment, capturing you laughing happily in Steve’s embrace as he looked down at you with a large smile lighting up his face.

Steve quickly ushered you out of the door, offering you his arm and leading you onwards to your date. You accepted easily and happily as you made your way down to the lobby, arm in arm with your friend and feeling extremely lucky to know these people.

In your room Natasha turned to Wanda.

“Make sure and send that to the whole team.” She told her with a scheming grin.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Bucky was moping, there was no other word for it. He was tired, he had worked out nearly all day. It hadn’t managed to relieve any of the frustration he was feeling. Steve had informed him he had a date and dissapered, refusing to answer any questions and Sam had been dragged to the media room to watch some comedy with Sam so Bucky was alone with his thoughts. The only small blessing was that he had managed to avoid the newly appointed Stark all day.

Bucky frowned in curiosity when his phone dinged with a text from Wanda. She didn’t normally text him all that often, they were usually in the same building. He opened the message and sat up in confusion and shock. It was a photo of you, all dolled up and laughing, tucked in at Steve’s side, his arm around you. He looked at the caption and his breath caught in his chest. “Off on their first date.” Bucky’s metal hand contracted around the phone and the screen cracked under the pressure.

What. The. Fuck.

- - - - - - - - - - -

I am so sorry, this is just absolute filthy cheesy fluff. I am filled with self loathing.

@dugan365 @fluffeh-kitty @memanda17 @krystallynx @theonelittleone @piscesbarnes @free-as-fishes @tarastudiesalot @captainamericasbeard @buckybearbabe98

[meditativeyoga]

How to embrace pain...

It was a fateful day in the lives of millions who enjoy spiritual guru Dada J P Vaswani. However it was additionally a day, which underscored Dada's greatness as he showed impressive spirit even when faced with physical hardship. It took place like this: Dada was going to a Sadhana Camp in Panama, UNITED STATE, on May 7, 2010. He was to join a campfire that belonged of the camp's tasks. While tipping out of the elevator, Dada saw some children playing ping-pong [table tennis] and went to join them. Sadly, while lobbing among the shots, he shed his equilibrium as well as dropped full blast on the difficult flooring, harming the best side of his body.

He remained in so much pain that it had not been possible to relocate him till the ambulance showed up. Yet also as the supporters around him were stressed, Dada kept his peaceful smile.

The discomfort got worse as the paramedics removaled him right into the rescue, yet, rather of moaning, Dada would certainly utter Hey Ram. Everybody around recognized that it must not be easy on Dada as he had simply recouped from a shoulder injury he had actually endured in January. With the whole experience a smile never left his face, thawing the hearts of those around ...

Dada was airlifted in an air-ambulance, outfitted with the necessary instruments and medical services. Regardless of his very own pain as well as acute pain, Dada maintained asking regarding the convenience of the medical personnel, sharing his worry for them. The airplane landed securely at Chicago.

Doctors in Chicago revealed that Dada had fractured the right hip [femur bone], the appropriate shoulder [humerus bone] and the right arm joint [olecranon]

The first surgery happened on Dada's hip as well as shoulder. It was done by Dr Walter Virkus. A pole and also 2 screws [intramedullary nails] were inserted into the thigh bone. A plate and also several screws were put in the humerus bone. As we might well imagine, the levels of pain have to have been really high, however Dada, with his persistence and also willpower, maintained his trade-mark smile.

By God's poise the procedure went off efficiently. When he was wheeled out, Dada might see the strained and strained faces of all his supporters. With a mild smile he frequently stated words, "Gratefulness to Thee, O Lord. Allow me birth this for Thy benefit. I approve this gift from You gladly. Tere Liye, Tere Liye.”

Despite having gone through two painful as well as traumatic treatments, Dada had a sanction which radiated his inner peace and a demeanour of joyful acceptance. The physicians, registered nurses as well as the job-related therapist that addressed Dada admire his forbearance also despite so much physical suffering. Dada is thankful that the procedures have experienced efficiently. He thinks that Divine Poise has transformed a mountain into a molehill.

As characteristic of him, Dada's sense of humour surface areas even during these hard times, for he never ever counts on being bleak as well as low. When nurse Jill said that she was sorry concerning Dada's fall, he responded, "It's a surge, not an autumn. Simply as a youngster rises after an autumn, so too I have actually increased."

By God's grace, on Could 17, Dada's second surgery on his right arm joint worked out without a hitch. Done by Dr Mark Cohen, it was a lengthy and complicated procedure, which lasted for over 3 hrs. The hearts of the enthusiasts going along with Dada defeat heavier and faster, but they were supported with prayers as well as with count on the experience of the surgeons. The doctors emerged from the operation theatre completely satisfied with the means the surgical procedure had proceeded.

Prior to the surgical treatment, the physicians had actually asked Dada if he was comfy. Dada responded, "Comfort is composed of two words--' come' as well as 'fort'. A 'ft' is an area of sanctuary. If we 'come' as well as seek refuge at the Lotus Feet of the Lord, we will certainly constantly be comfortable."

Dada's reply left them without words, however additionally assured them that their uncommon and extraordinary patient remained in 'comfort'.

Dada bestowed on all, his honored as well as stunning smile prior to being wheeled in for the surgery. His sanction, at every stage, has only mirrored calm and peace. Never ever has a shadow of uncertainty, sorrow, frustration or anguish ever before crossed his face.

Dada arised from the recovery area with a smile still noticeable on his face, offering everybody with the much-needed guarantee. However we did not have much time to unwind and also really feel obsequious, for God's ways are mystical as well as incomprehensible. He had us on our toes right away with the information that there appeared to be no motion on the left side of Dada's body.

This alarmed the doctors and had each of us in shock. Dada's left side would not reply to any kind of touch or motion. After various examinations and numerous discussions, the doctors diagnosed the problem as a moderate stroke, which had actually influenced the left side of Dada's body.

Word went round the globe as well as prayers as well as chants for Dada's healing started immediately.

It seemed as though years had passed considering that the dreaded hour. There had actually been many frightening as well as breakable minutes, when it had been intolerable to watch Dada in severe pain as well as distress. Also his restricted activities would certainly now be limited! However it was only we who were ruined, Dada's glowing smile never left his face.

The smile brought tears to our eyes! What does it cost? more discomfort might he take?

The development was painfully slow-moving, yet Dada's perspective assisted us go through this traumatic week with completely dry eyes and unshed splits strongly held back. Dada's perseverance as well as endurance were incredible, and a few of it massaged off on those that were with him.

Dada had been transferred to the physical rehabilitation unit of the healthcare facility for rehab. Below, his daily program included tremendous effort in taking part in the physiotherapy and line of work therapy. Totally alert as well as conscious, Dada poured in all his power, will-power, perseverance and perseverance in trying to physically return to normalcy as soon as feasible. Actually, on seeing Dada, the therapists say loudly, 'The Smiling One' has come.

One day, a therapist informed Dada, "You look like a young man." Dada smilingly dealt with, "I am a young guy."

Once a specialist asked if Dada was tired. Dada replied, "I never ever get tired as long as there are 3 points I could do-- pray without sleeping, smile all the while as well as function as many as I can."

Again and once more in Rush Medical Centre, Chicago, the followers around Dada maintained coming back to the exact same concerns: why do saints suffer? Could karma really bind a saint?

Dada discussed that saints typically take on their sufferings happily: one reason for this is that they want to resolve their karmic accounts and also become liberated from the cycle of death as well as rejuvenation. The second is that they are exceptionally compassionate by nature, and so they tackle the pain and also suffering of others. For them, physical suffering has no importance. They do suffer, once it is past, they do not also keep a memory of it. Therefore it was that Sri Ramana Maharishi, Sri Ramakrishna and Sadhu Vaswani, went through wonderful offer of discomfort as well as suffering in their last years ...

" Do they actually really feel all that discomfort, or do they simply transcend their suffering?" someone wanted to know.

Dada smiled. "Pain is actual as well as actual, for everybody," he said. "Several of the saints really endure even more than the remainder, because their bodies are very sensitive and their awareness is profound. Gurudev Sadhu Vaswani too, experienced therefore the slightest motions as well as gestures, which possibly, we would rarely recognize. A lot of us believed that he really tackled the suffering of others."

" It is difficult as well as demanding to be a saint, or a divine individual, is it not, Dada? And also just how numerous of us know or appreciate that a saint is taking on our suffering? A lot of us just stay in lack of knowledge, do not we? Who would intend to be holy, if there is a lot pain entailed?"

Dada smiled as well as said, "Saints recognize the worth of discomfort."

It boggles the mind sometimes just how such a strike has actually fallen upon a body that is so fragile, tender as well as frail! The intensity of the discomfort endured has actually been expensive, much greater compared to routine degrees of suffering, as well as yet Dada remained to smile as well as say thanks to God, the doctors, the nurses as well as all those that can be found in call with him.

Every day, there is a various rule of thankfulness on his lips. On one day it is 'Thank you, God', on another it is 'Hare Ram'. Or at times it is ‘Satnam Mushkul Aasaan'. He hangs on to these regarding the Sherpherd's Staff for support, never as soon as whining or revealing his discomfort. It makes one doubt the nerve that our Expert is made of!

[tmntxreader-fics]

COMMISSION MATCH-UP #1

Our very first Match-Up Commission, (squeeeee), is for my AMAZING friend @morte-witch ! 

Thank-you so much for your support and I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

ALSO I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU’D LOVE THIS GIF CONSIDERING I ACCIDENTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING BY SENDING YOU THIS ATROCITY XD

DISCLAIMER: This is a request for my written opinion. I, of course, do not properly know you and cannot be entirely accurate when judging your personality because of this. I have chosen a specific character based entirely off of my evaluation of the information given to me. Each individual’s personal opinions will vary but this is simply a requested fun use of observatory and literature skills combined. 

MATCH-UP: LEONARDO

WHY: 

You have a base connection with both your emotions, character and the environment that surrounds you, seemingly on a level that many don’t quite understand. The fact that you acknowledge these connections and their ramifications implies self-awareness in which you can directly identify your character, your strengths, and weaknesses that you need to improve on. 

Now, who else can we think of that has similar attributes and genuinely appreciates others who can understand and operate on a corresponding wavelength?

Appreciating the simplest things, reveling in the quiet and challenging the storm are kindred tokens of both your own and Leonardo’s personality. Even your aesthetics are similar; water (representation of both his color and his technique), the moon, dark colors and East Asian cultural appreciation. 

At your core, you and Leonardo are cognate; sharing the same foundations, values, strengths, and weaknesses. While most would argue opposites attract, in order for a relationship to truly work, the couple’s fundamental beliefs and values need to be at least very similar. Quirks, traits, likes and dislikes are what makes up the personality, sure, but it’s what’s at the very center of the other person’s being that captivates someone.

This is not to say that your differences in certain aspects are non-existent. It would undoubtedly be a difficult relationship at times, being so close in similarities but so far away from each other because of the simplest differences. However, even when considering flaws, the ironic oxymoron, ‘your imperfections are perfect for each other,’ serves incredibly well. 

STRENGTHS:

1. Your relationship would have a depth to it that is incredibly rare; with the both of you so aware, discussions of simple things that you’re appreciative of wouldn’t seem strange or pointless. There’s genuinity within your conversations of simple observations and positive affirmations of the world around you and life itself. (These conversations are probably where he’d attempt to convince you to learn to meditate.) 

2.a. Both of you help each other grow; contrary to popular belief, Leonardo loves to learn- though definitely not in the way Donatello does. Leo craves wisdom and emotional knowledge, and while he struggles with his own emotions, you are very in tune with your own and he would definitely take the chance to learn from you and grow with you. 

2.b. In addition to this, we know that Leonardo is incredibly observant, especially with those that he holds romantic feelings for. You can be sure that any cues that you may give, (intentional or not), will be picked up on; discomfort, anxiety, irritation- Leonardo will see it. He notices your difficulties when it comes to interacting with others, and while he struggles with similar issues, he would ensure that he helps you to this best of his abilities. Whether it’s whisking you away from a situation once he spots a cue or it’s subtle encouragement- he’s got your back. 

3. Minimal fighting; while there will often be petty tiffs or the occasional full-blown fight, they will be far and few in between. There are rarely misunderstandings between you both and even when things begin to get heated you are a very patient pair of people and generally, that is what proves to be the saving grace of your relationship over and over. 

WEAKNESSES:

Leo’s arrogance, stress, and frustration would become overbearing at times. Considering Leo is the leader both within the team and amongst the family, there’s a hierarchical driven arrogance that comes along with it. There will be times where you will disagree on certain things and he simply tries to take the decision by force; using his role as ‘leader’ as his weapon. 

He struggles immensely with his emotions and defers to bottling them in an attempt to pretend they don’t exist, so when he does lose control it’s horrible. Leo has never learned to properly cope with his issues and emotions and it is clearly seen within your relationship. During these moods or moments, he is intolerant, explosive and passive-aggressive. When he does try to communicate how he feels with you it never comes out correctly and you discover that you become irritated by his wording and arguments. It puts significant strain on you both and it worries you a little that whenever his control slips he embodies everything you dislike.

HEADCANONS: 

Basically just the initial stages of your friendship and romantic integration. Everyone likes their relationships a certain way so touching down on the beginnings is probably the best way to remain accurate.  

- Leo’s never been one to initiate casual conversation with anyone outside of his familial circle. In fact, the more he thinks about it, he realizes that even where April and Casey are concerned, he has little to no interactions with them unless it’s out on the field. He never intended to avoid them, he supposes he just never felt the need to connect with them on that particular level. 

-Even with this new revelation, he feels fairly comfortable with his introversion. So long as he remains polite, he is generally satisfied with everyone’s lives remaining their own.

Until you. 

- Suddenly, he wants to talk; he wants to hear you talk for hours about everything and anything you could possibly conjure. And you do, you talk, just not to him. Never to him. His brothers are more available for conversation, generally the ones to initiate it and make you feel comfortable in their presence. Especially Mikey, the youngest brother basically initiated friendship without your acknowledgment. 

- You’ve always wondered about Leonardo, you’ve simply begun to view him as the mysterious leader who wanders the halls; walking with purpose but no particular direction. If you were anyone else you would have already initiated conversations with him, tried to get to know him. Unfortunately, you simply can’t bring yourself to take that risk beyond the polite greetings, his demeanor both drawing you in and warding you off simultaneously. 

- Leo has made it his mission to try to talk to you more. He doesn’t exactly know why but you’ve become an itch that he desperately needs to scratch before it drives him to lose focus of his tasks. On the other hand, maybe he does know the reason. Denying his problems or anything that could cause future complications has been his specialty; he wouldn’t surprised if he later discovers he’s been in denial the entire time. 

- You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t say that, as of late, he’s started to freak you out. The turtle would make an appearance out of nowhere, generally at times where his brothers were not in the vicinity, and talk to you. But, that’s not what’s made you apprehensive; it’s the way he’s tried to interact with you.

- Leo would start off with his generic greetings, polite as always, then drag the conversation to something equally as vague. It has always seemed as if he’s frustrated with himself and the energy puts you off a little, making things incredibly awkward. Well, more so.

- The reality is that he knows he’s not making any headway, he doesn’t know how to integrate into having a real conversation with you and the last thing he wants to do is ask you about the weather for the sixth time this week. Finally, you throw him a bone when he asks about the weather (seventh time), and instead of replying with a polite ‘good’, you smile and comment “it’s cleared up enough to see the stars out. The constellations are amazing when you really take the time to look at them.” 

- Your first conversation takes off. You find yourselves moving to settle in the dojo, distantly thanking whoever was listening that training was finished for the day. Without the interruptions from his brothers or the ill-timed intervention by Splinter, you both manage to engage in conversations ranging from the sky, to culture to things that you just found interesting. 

- You can’t say that the conversation was easy, initially. You discover Leo to be an incredibly intense person and you find yourself questioning every single one of your responses- especially when he pauses to watch you for a brief moment after you finish your sentences. You hate second guessing yourself constantly, it puts you on edge and you find yourself rigid in your seat. 

- Luckily, Leo is able to pick up on these cues and scrambles for ways to relax you without outright leaving the room. If he leaves, he knows that it will take him weeks to work up the courage to try this again. He can’t help the heaviness of his presence, when he’s nervous he either rambles like an idiot or shuts down and interrogates instead of conversating. 

- Eventually, you catch on to the way he consciously tries to appear less intimidating. The way he leans back onto the counter instead of standing upright, hands on either side of him holding the edge of the bench to support himself. A very casual position that implies an openness. His voice lowers to a softer tone that, to your complete and utter surprise, does something a little funny to your stomach. 

- The more he relaxes the more you relax and within ten minutes you both find yourselves laughing along to the conversation. It’s then you discover your similarities in interests. 

- After the conversation comes to a close, thanks to Mikey entering the room like a fucking tornado, he nods at you with a small smile and exits quietly. A small tug in your chest makes you raise an eyebrow. Of course, only you would manage to get mildly attached to someone after a single conversation. 

- Despite your inner scoldings, you find yourself trying to work up the courage to talk to him in the hallways. 

(You never do, you just give him an awkward nod and scuttle past before he has the chance to get a word in). 

-The funny part is that, on the other side, Leo has been doing literally everything within his power to have another conversation with you. Everything. Well, everything other than instigating it, of course. He’ll sit down near you, approximately three feet away to avoid discomfort, and wait for you to initiate the conversation. He’ll go to the kitchen exactly 3 minutes after you’ve walked in to try and catch you alone- a plan that always fails because the kitchen is generally hosting at least two people at a time. 

- The day of success is the day neither of you suspects. You’ve settled in on the roof of your apartment building, attempting to clear your head by embracing the cool night’s air. After an hour or so of drawing vague figures in the sketchbook you had brought up with you, you simply lie on your back with a huff; analyzing the stars in a hope to disperse the heaviness in your chest. 

- That’s where Leo finds you. It wasn’t on purpose, of course. He was on patrol and assigned himself to this particular section of the city. It was a quiet night so far, and whether he’d admit it or not, he was absolutely bored. So when he drops in on a roof with a random lying down on their back he’s not sure whether to immediately turn back or check if they’re dead. Instead, he settles for having a silent heart attack while he stares at the figure on the floor praying somebody would simply airdrop him the answer. 

- However, the longer he stares at them the more familiar they seem. Taking a few tentative steps forward, careful to remain in the dark, he realizes it’s you. 

- Cue another heart attack. 

- Moving into the light, he opens his mouth to say something, praying to whoever is listening that he doesn’t scare the absolute fuck out of you and make this awkward. Instead, the only noise that comes out of his mouth is a wheeze that vaguely sounds similar to your name. 

- Instantly, you bolt up into a sitting position, gaze snapping to where he stands frozen. Before a scream rips from your lips you recognize the Leader’s face, despite the ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ expression etched onto it. 

- You swear loudly, raising your hand to your chest and flopping back to the ground with wide eyes distantly staring into the night sky. 

- Immediately he’s sidled up next to you, apologizing profusely for his rude appearance. Frustrated, you motion for him to sit down beside you and be quiet, in which he grimaces but obeys. He tentatively lays onto his back, completely unsure of whether it’s appropriate or not but the adrenaline in his system tells him it’s worth the risk. 

- Both of you are quiet, your hearts settling back from their racing pace to a steady rhythm. When you do decide to talk, you turn your head to the side, observing his profile. Instead of asking why he’s out here, you instead choose to ask him about his views. Does he ever sit down sometimes and just take in the stars above him? Does he ever wonder about all the unexplored possibilities of life? 

- He tells you that he does, that on nights where his responsibilities get too heavy he lies on his shell and stares at the stars; almost hoping he’d get an answer from them. Then he turns to face you, heart beating beneath his shell. 

“I do wonder about the unexplored possibilities, but, lately I’ve been trying to explore them.” 

You turn to look at him, heart leaping into your throat when you catch his gaze. “What do you mean?” 

He clenches his jaw, wondering whether he should get it wired shut and communicate purely by sign language for the rest of his life. At least, then, his mouth wouldn’t talk before his brain could tell him to shut up. 

“As in, I’m exploring one right now,” he breathes, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he takes in your features. 

“Do you make it practice to scare the shit out of all of your unexplored possibilities?” You joke, unsure of how to appropriately respond to what’s beginning to sound like a confession of interest. “Because while it works for this possibility, I’m not sure about the others.” Your heart is literally trying to claw it’s way out of your chest at your lame attempt to flirt, but the way his lips quirk at your comment eases the nervousness. 

“No,” he smiles, “I generally reserve that for the ones that could actually lead somewhere.”

“You think this possibility could lead somewhere, then?” You question softly, eyes moving to take in the stars above you once more. 

“If you’d be interested in exploring it with me, then I’m certain it could,” he replies. You can feel his gaze on the side of your face and you pluck up the courage to turn back and face him. Instead of the intensity, you were expecting, his expression is gentle. There’s no pressure on you to answer the way he hopes you do, it’s an olive branch. 

With that realization, you smile. “Then by all means, let’s see where it could lead.”