#it was over 14hrs

[billdecker]

I’ve spent nine months perfecting my 40th birthday party playlist and I think I have it. It’s split up into kinda eras/musical obsessions of my life and songs that mean a lot to me/remind me of people no longer in my life, so here we are...

Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes

I Predict a Riot - Kaiser Chiefs

Apply Some Pressure - Maximo Park

Banquet - Bloc Party

Michael - Franz Ferdinand

Mirror Kissers - The Cribs

Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand

Somebody Told Me - The Killers

Fell In Love With a Girl - The White Stripes

One Step Beyond - Madness

The Sound of the Suburbs - The Members

Jilted John - Jilted John

Anarchy in the UK - Sex Pistols

Teenage Kicks - The Undertones

Ever Fallen in Love - Buzzcocks

Going Underground - The Jam

Rock the Casbah - The Clash

Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads

It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way - The Blow Monkeys

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

The Look of Love - ABC

Wishing I Was Lucky - Wet Wet Wet

Breakout - Swing Out Sister

Yes Sir, I Can Boogie - Baccara

Dancing Queen - ABBA

Best of My Love - The Emotions

Got To Be Real - Cherly Lynn

Never Too Much - Luther Vandross

Boogie Wonderland - Earth, Wind & Fire

You To Me Are Everything - The Real Thing

The Snake - Al Wilson

Move On Up - Curtis Mayfield

Land of 1000 Dances - Wilson Pickett

Do I Love You - Frank Wilson

Get Ready - The Temptations

Reach Out, I’ll Be There - Four Tops

My Girl - The Temptations

I Can’t Help Myself - Four Tops

This Old Heart of Mine - The Isley Brothers

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross

I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston

Respectable - Mel & Kim

London Nights - London Boys

When Will I Be Famous? - Bros

Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley

You’ll Never Step Me From Loving You - Sonia

Too Many Broken Hearts - Jason Donovan

Love in the First Degree - Bananarama

Venus - Bananarama

One For Sorrow - Steps

All That She Wants - Ace of Base

Love to Hate You - Erasure

Love Shack - The B-52′s

Sweat (A La La La La Song) - Inner Circle

Baby I Love Your Way - Big Mountain

Shine - Aswad

Would I Lie To You? - Charlie & Eddie

Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison

Save Our Love - Eternal

Stay - Eternal

Naked - Louise

Maybe - Emma Bunton

Mi Chico Latino - Geri Halliwell

I Turn To You - Melanie C

Out of Your Mind - True Steppers, Dane Bowers, Victoria Beckham

I Want You Back - Mel B, Missy Elliott

Re-Rewind - Artful Dodger, Craig David

Scandalous - Mis-Teeq

Flowers - Sweet Female Attitude

I Know Where It’s At - All Saints

Never Ever - All Saints

Stay - Lisa Loeb

I Quit - Hepburn

Drop Dead Gorgeous - Republica

Trouble - Shampoo

Bitch - Meredith Brooks

You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette

Celebrity Skin - Hole

Weak - Skunk Anansie

Don’t Speak - No Doubt

Torn - Natalie Imbruglia

I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys

Crazy For You - Let Loose

Love Me For a Reason - Boyzone

Keep On Movin - Five

Be the First to Believe - A1

Love Here I Come - Bad Boys Inc

I’m a Man, Not a Boy - North & South

House of Love - East 17

Let’s Get Ready to Rhumble - PJ & Duncan

If I Give You My Number - PJ & Duncan

I Should Be So Lucky - Kylie Minogue

Never Too Late

Step Back in Time

Better the Devil You Know

Spinning Around

Can’t Get Blue Monday Out of My Head - Kylie, New Order

Girls & Boys - Blur

Connection - Elastica

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

Creep - Radiohead

Song 2 - Blur

Your Woman - White Town

Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve

Change - Lightning Seeds

Trash - Suede

A Girl Like You - Edwyn Collins

Disco 2000 - Pulp

Common People - Pulp

Country House - Blur

Mulder and Scully - Catatonia

World in Motion - New Order

Three Lions - Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds

Wannabe - Spice Girls

Say You’ll Be There

Who Do You Think You Are?

Spice Up You Life

Stop

Old Before I Die - Robbie Williams

Rock DJ

Millennium

No Regrets

Angels

Babe - Take That

Once You’ve Tasted Love

It Only Takes a Minute

I Found Heaven

Could It Be Magic

Everything Changes

Pray

Relight My Fire

Two Can Play That Game - Bobby Brown

I Luv U Baby - The Original

Don’t Give Me Your Life - Alex Party

Never Let Her Slip Away - Undercover

When I’m Good and Ready - Sybil

Ride on Time - Black Box

The Rhythm of the Night - Corona

No Limit - 2 Unlimited

Get A Way - Maxx

The Key The Secret - Urban Cookie Collective

U Sure Do - Strike

I Breathe Again - Adam Rickitt

Spaceman - Babylon Zoo

Red Alert - Basement Jaxx

Feel It - The Tamperer, Maya

Freed From Desire - Gala

Mr Vain - Culture beat

What Is Love? - Haddaway

Gypsy Woman - Crystal Waters

Finally - CeCe Peniston

Free - Ultra Nate

Dreamer - Livin Joy

Let Me Be Your Fantasy - Baby D

I’m Alive - Stretch n Vern

Set You Free - N-Trance

disco tits - Tove Lo

Coconuts - Kim Petras

Outside - George Michael

It’s a Sin - Pet Shop Boys

Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Gimme Gimme Gimme - ABBA

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler

Let’s Dance - David Bowie

Temptation - Heaven 17

Gold - Spandau Ballet

Karma Chameleon - Culture Club

Club Tropicana - Wham

I’m Still Standing - Elton John

Uptown Girl - Billy Joel

Young at Heart - The Bluebells

Come On Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners

I Could Be So Good For You - Dennis Waterman

Amarillo - Tony Christie

Delilah - Tom Jones

The Best - Tina Turner

All Around the World - Lisa Stansfield

The Time of My Life - Billy Medley, Jennifer Warnes

Especially For You - Kylie, Jason

Perfect Moment - Martine McCutcheon

Chains - Tina Arena

A Design For Life - Manic Street Preachers

Yes - McAlmont & Butler

I Do This All The Time - Self Esteem

Zombie - The Cranberries

This Charming Man - The Smiths

Paranoid Android - Radiohead

The Wonder of You - Elvis Presley

Don’t Look Back in Anger - Oasis

Baby I Love You - The Ramones

[yoiku]

I ended up finishing this last night! As much as I do enjoy drawing tails, nine in one pic is quite a lot.

[frankiebirds]

morgan's reaction to reid revealing he's never been to new york is so funny to me. maybe it's that he says his first line:

jj speaks:

(two sidenotes: one: jj is very cute here. two: why is she sitting like that)

and then morgan keeps going:

i think it would be less funny to me if there wasn't a beat between his two lines because it gives the impression that he's just Stuck on this train of thought. if hotch hadn't stopped their silliness to remind them that they're in a crime show would he have kept going. "it's four hours in your gay little car! it's a 24 hour 34 minute bike ride! it's a 112 hour walk! what is wrong with you!"

[singsweetmelodies]

k

[blairwaldcrf]

woke up for more than five minutes for the first time since Friday... i hate it

[sllhouettedreams]

Poll: do i stay up again even tho i only had three hours of sleep last night and write the accompanying james POV to the will POV fic i ruined myself to write last night? I feel like the only way to write this the way i want it to be is in a sleep deprived, hyper fixated, totally unhinged binge like a fever dream

[fishtank32]

Being the vaguely unemployed friend who still ~technically~ has a job is so funny. I'm always working when my friends least expect it, and I'm always doing the most hyper specific, weird things.

[sunlightmurdock]

Apollo <3

What would Jake and Apollo do on a 14hr bus ride and how many times can they make each other silently come without getting caught?

haha it would probably be one of the times that Jake’s hatred of flying gets the best of him and he convinces her to just take the drive somewhere, so he already knows that he’s got to make it up to her somehow before they’ve even embarked on the journey. He also knows that she’s going to be bored out of her mind and causing havoc the entire time.

So, when she leans over the centre console and starts unzipping his jeans thirty minutes into the ride, he just tells her that she’s a good girl and lets her go right ahead. At least she’s preoccupied and, with her talented little mouth, he can’t exactly complain either.

A couple of hours in, when she’s feeling restless again and starting to get a little more mouthy, Jake pulls over to the side of a little side road and drags her into the backseat, fucking her face down into the leather until she’s worn out. Then, she naps for a little bit. When she wakes up, she’s in the passenger seat for all of two minutes before Jake’s got his fingers in her underwear.

For their next trip, she’s the one who suggests that they drive.

[gravedigg]

Currently making the 14hr drive home, but when I get back to my computer… oh it’s over for you bitches. I have so much art to do.

[suzieb-fit]

No matter what else is going on in my life, no matter if I'm totally off my game, bacon and eggs makes it feel a little better!

With tinned tomatoes, mushrooms and some psyllium husk powder. Pure fibre!

Delicious, comforting food. Yes, bacon is processed meat. No, tinned food isn't necessarily fabulous.

Do I care? Nope 😂.

Eggs fried in olive oil (which is fine, as long as you don't keep reheating the same oil. It's a one-time thing here).

I'm all about the fat!

Anyway, after another very tough day both physically (symptom wise) and emotionally (same reason), I'm still doing my best to carry on regardless.

An active day, including another workout to upload to my YouTube channel. Lower body "Cardio-Tone" as I call it.

I'm easing back ever so slightly with 14hr fasts right now. Allowing a later snack for a second day.

I'm starting to accept the strong possibility that my issue might be linked to my daily peanut fix. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm honestly genuinely upset about that. I've cut everything else out over the past few years, adding a few things back in when it's clear they had no influence. Sick of having to keep doing it over and over. Not ready for this one yet. But I'm going to try. Peanuts tonight, then one full week without. See if anything changes.

And now I'm going to go have a cry......

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2 Gold Panel Vegascon 2023

Going to jump right into questions, with regards to Radio Company what gets written first melody or lyrics? Jared jokingly answers that he just starts humming in the shower and right when he's washing under his left armpit he knows it's gonna be good 😆

Actual answer, Jensen and Steve usually come up with a melody and then start humming where the words might go and from there they try to come up with the lyrics that fit the melody. Jared says he was actually listening to a podcast that morning where they were talking about Paul McCartney creating Get Back and they said he was walking around humming the melody he had in his head and that's how he went figuring out the lyrics.

Jensen says that's probably the most common way of doing it, that writing a poem and then trying to put music to those words would be more difficult. x

Without mentioning the cast and crew, what do they miss most about being Sam and Dean? And what was the hardest part of them to drop for their next character? Jared needs a minute to think about his answer so Jensen says he'll answer first; the first thing he did after SPN was The Boys and the thing he was most fearful of was using Dean's voice, that luckily he had Kripke and Phil Sgriccia watching his back and he remembers there might have been a couple of takes where Sgriccia had to step in and point out to him he was doing Dean's voice. But he'll take Kripke's word that he never saw Dean in Soldier Boy so that was the pat on the back that he was looking for but the voice was a hard thing to drop.

As for the thing he misses the most, it's hard for him to come up with something other than the camaraderie of a set that's been working together for the better part of two decades. That one of his favorite things about what he does for a living is the morning set walk, getting to the trailer and then walking over to maybe get some breakfast and saying hi to the catering crew and seeing the morning kind of come to life as everybody gets ready, that feeling and the camaraderie that exists between the whole crew and the cast, and everyone gearing up for a day that's going to be at least 12 to 14 hours which is what SPN was- everybody was gearing up for battle and he misses those morning moments with people that he knew so well; he still gets that he got it on Big Sky, he's gotten to know those people but it will be hard to ever know their crew as well as they knew their SPN crew.

Jared concurs, he says that he does have 2 and a half to 3yrs of experience with his Walker cast and crew so that's starting but on SPN it wasn't just knowing somebody's name or what they did for a living it was knowing when they got married or when they lost someone, they really knew the people they worked with and that's a product of time. He will say that for him on Walker he gives kudos to Fricke and Fahey who were kind of co-running the writers' room at times because he felt out of sorts but during the first season of Walker, Cordell is also out of sorts so it kind of worked. He felt weird as Jared but Cordell also felt weird.

Something random for him that has been an adjustment is that Walker doesn't have long setups, they don't shoot studio mode often where there's a bunch of lighting so on SPN he and Jensen would shoot a scene then they'd have like half an hour to do whatever, on Walker they're always ready because it's not so crisp if there's a shadow on your face or you're partially obscured by another actor it's not a big deal. So a day of work on Walker is shorter but it's kind of a sprint, on SPN they would shoot 14hrs, sometimes 16, Bugs was around 18 they even had a third lunch cause if you're doing a night shoot and only have the location for a day you have to get it done.

Jensen brings up that they never referred to any meal on set as dinner it was either lunch or second meal no matter what time they were actually eating, and Jared adds that every year, at least once a year they'd be eating "lunch" at 1am. Breakfast would be at 6pm and lunch would be at midnight.

Jensen also mentions there's also things they probably can't talk about, things they kind of grandfathered in because they had started so long ago, when they started SPN they were shooting on 35mm film, he doesn't know of any show that films on actual film anymore. But there were things they started to do early on that established that's just their behavior that no other cast could get away with for example back when they started the show social media wasn't what it is today so their contracts didn't include any SM clauses but when SM became more popular, around 2012 every season they would have a piece of paper in their trailer that were the SM guidelines and they were supposed to sign it, it was a commitment between them and the studio and the network that they would follow certain protocol via their personal SM accs. And every year they would crumble it up and toss it away, didn't sign it once.

They got left to their own devices and Jensen comments that's something he misses because now that they're on new shows they're having to follow the rules a little more closely while it was the wild west on SPN. x

I'm just going to point out what I think all of us have noticed which is that the boys SM has changed over the past couple of years sometimes a lot of the times not even sounding like them. Just something to think about in connection to this comment Jensen made about now having to follow the rules more closely.

Jensen reveals he would have scotch tastings at lunch, Jared says if it was like midnight on a Friday. He also shares that for the first few seasons for their birthdays, they would get each other an entire keg of beer put it in the trailer, and just drink it all day while working throughout the day they'd go and get themselves some beer like they were in college and everyone in production just pretended not to see what they were doing. But as they got older the amount went decreasing until it was just a six-pack.

Another thing Jared brings up is that because they filmed in Canada they don't recognize American Thanksgiving which is an important holiday for the boys so during s1 they were scheduled to work the full week and they were like that's cool but we're going to be watching the Cowboys game, they were shooting like an hour away from Van and their plan was to find the nearest place that had the game on and go there to watch it so what production did was get a portable satellite dish so they could watch the game in their trailer and stay closer to set but then they were like "why don't we have this all the time?" and so from that moment on they had TV in their trailer, and people would be surprised by that even Stephen Amell was surprised, sometimes their teams would even have to get there early to set up the satellite.

Also, Jared makes it clear that while they sound like heathens they always got their work done on time, they always knew their lines, knew their marks, hung their wardrobe, all that stuff. x

By the way, them reminiscing and sharing stories takes up a huge chunk of the panel, they only got through 4 questions, but it is one of the best panel segments I have seen in a very long time, I loved hearing these men share some of the crazy shit they were able to get away with I highly recommend seeing it for your self.

Would they be on Hot Ones, and how well do they think they would do? They both immediately say yes! And Jared gets all excited because he became obsessed with Hot Ones, and met the host, Sean Evans, in the green room of a UFC fight.

Jared saw him across the room and got all giddy, and baby girl is about to break into giggles remembering that they had eye contact for a moment, so he goes to Evans and tells him he's a really big fan and that he'd love to be on the show and it turns out they've tried to get both of them on the show! And Jared did not know that! So he was like "what???!!! why don't we do it?" and after that Jared went online and ordered a bunch of super hot sauces and he ordered one called Dave's Ghost Pepper hot sauce (the name is actually Ghost Pepper Jolokia Sauce by Daves Gourmet. Neither Jared nor I are responsible for anybody who decides to try that sauce.) which is supposed to be really spicy and he decided he was going to train and he put it some on a plate and dipped a chip in and got a bunch and everything above his clavicle started draining. For an hour or two he couldn't do anything he was a snotty, teary, drooly mess. Milk my boy. Milk. Or another dairy product, he had too much hot sauce so it wouldn't take the full burn away but it would have helped. Also, he's so lucky that didn't result in getting mouth ulcers. But he'd love to do it, and he'd like to do it with Jensen and MC, and he thinks he'd do alright.

Jensen says he would not tap out that he'd just let his face melt off. x

Last question, what has been the best part about wrapping up such a momentous project? For Jared, it's that he finally started to allow himself to be proud of it 🥹

Something he and Jensen talked about for 15 and a half years is that when you're in it, when you still have a job to do you can't really toot your own horn or pat yourself in the back, but now with it in the rearview mirror he's like yeah that was pretty fucking cool, we did work our asses off, we did grow up a lot, we did learn this and that, and make these friendships. At the time he was like don't tell me how cool it is cause I still have to wake up and do eight pages or watch this video on a fight I have to do but now that it's "behind" them he can go 'man that was cool'.

Jensen was proud of the fact that they went out while still firing on all cylinders. That one of his biggest fears was that the show would start to decline in its quality and that it was hard to still be performing and telling a story and loving the characters and playing at that level and walk away but something he and Jared had talked about is that they didn't want to stick around until it started to decline or until the audience lost interest and they started caring less and not putting in the effort. He still feels like they went out after winning the Super Bowl and that's something he's proud of and he thinks it's one of the reasons why they can still talk about it because it wasn't dying, it was still very much alive, it still had a lot to give, and that it still is giving, it's kind of living on through the cons and he thinks that's just setting up the return at some point.

I don't agree with Jensen POV regarding the quality of the show but I'm really glad that he's so proud of the work that he and Jared put forward because he should be; the writing might have gone down in later seasons but these two always gave it their all and put their best work forward.

Jared adds that something he tells his kids when they're upset about losing a game is: did you try your best? He is very competitive with himself, he just wants to be the best he can be and do the best he can so if he gets home one night and he's won whatever game but didn't give it his best he feels worst than if he had lost and done his best. He'll never beat Lebron James in a one-on-one game but if he works really hard and he can maybe dribble a couple times without him stealing it and dunking on him he'll lose but he'd have done the best he could do, and he'll say this he and Jensen are both aware that some episodes were not as good as others but every day, every scene, every line they gave it everything they had. Yes, you did baby. x

J2 Gold Panel Vegascon 2023

[hisui-dreamer]

is confessing over text bad (keep in mind said crush is a 14hr flight away)

and is it bad if i just straight up text him out of the blue "hey i like you"

@azulashengrottospiano mom help im scared

[el3ctric-trag3dy]

Today's Log: 1/27

I'm gonna try to do these more often to keep track of not only my progress but also to keep Căls in perspective with how much I actually burn a day. I'm really had at feeling like a failure because I ate more than 500căl when I burn so much at work.

Consumed: 1100căl

-grapes

- 2 energy drinks C4 sugar free

-biscuit and gravy

- chocolate cake

- sugar cookie

-strawberry yogurt

- tacobell chicken quesadilla

-coke zero 6oz

-Water 140oz

Burned: 2023căl

- active cal: 827căl

Deficit: -923căl

Even though I ate over my max today I burned way more then on my typical day off work. Today was pretty successful which I was worried about since I had a 14hr work day. I thought for sure I'd break down and have multiple meals. I did break down with a slice of cake but so worth it.

[annunnaki7]

ARE DISSABLED PEOPLE LAZY? COULD REALLY DO BETTER IF THEY TRIED HARDER? This is an example of an average bad week, like 6/10 bad on mental health and 5/10 on the physical level. Oh yea it gets so much worst! Read this and tell me how I could have improved.  

MAY 2023 

Sat 29.04.23 

-Asthma bad all night. I coughed myself awake so often I didn't get any deep sleep. 

-Fibromyalgia not happy about this, and is flaring up on its way to STOPPING FLARING up instead! 🤬 Joy! So now going to pee has extra general pain added to it. 

- Allergies & Sinus bad. My nose runs non stop. Used 1/2 roll of toilet paper blowing my nose just today. And no, I don't like waisting things. Throwing meds at it. 

-Managed to work with my carer, sorting paperwork. I can't help with much else anymore. I don't have the hand strength to cut a carrot. That's annoying as taking away from my autonomy. 

Sun 30.04.23

- Allergies & Sinus still bad with non stop daily headaches, with migraine sometimes.

-Fibromyralgia flare. Pain feels like I feel down badement cement stairs or  when I had major surgery on day 3 with 5 days hospital stay. I'm in too much pain to eat. Exhaustion worst than Covid & Pneumonia! 

-Asthma bad. I have to rest for 1 minute every 10-15 meters I walk. Going to the loo takes 5 breaks.

- Urinary incontinence dissability related not happy about so many breaks to get TO the loo. I need buy more trousers! (I used 3 in one day twice this week)

- I'm in so much exhaustion & pain I can't even face watching TV. Strong painkillers increased. I'm not happy. I was hoping to decrease them this week! 

Mon 01.05.23 

-Migraine. 

-Sinus inflamed for past 4 weeks. Related to but not only cause of migraine. I'm a migraine sufferer.

-Fibromyalgia medium flare. Hands hurt as well as eveywere else. A plate is heavy to lift. I can't stab potatoes to zap them in microwave by myself. 

-Hayfever slightly improving.

-If I didn't have a carer coming to help me with a wash, I don't know how I would cope.She helped more today. She's so nice. People don't appreciate them enough.

-Concerned how I'll make hospital appointment of Thursday. And got builders in tomorrow. 

Tuesday 02.05.23

-Migraine at night. 

-All body pain bad. Been worst before though. 

-Builders poped in to say they'll be back tomorrow. And no neither owner nor estate agents told them about all the work needing doing. 

- This is in fact my comparativly, the "best day" to date. I can't sit in a chair re pain. And I have a high pain threshold. Had major surgery and got up by myself the next day when everyone else did on the 3rd day with help. Nurses said it was shocking to see me trot - carefully -  about.

- Hospital appointment of tomorrow changed for latter on. It's not a vital one. 

-District Nurse popped in to assess if I need to worry re swealing in legs. I'll have to go to the specialist clinic after all. 

-Blood Pressure still high & Pulse going nuts. Say hi to all types of allergies as a possible cause! I take the strongest anti histamin, plus 6 over the counter allergy tablets daily. Yep, the specialist doctors advised that. It stop skin for literally falling off and other horror stories! 

Wed 03.05.23 

-Vomited blood all night (5hrs of hurling on off) from ulcer, blood clots included! Yuck! 3rd time in 1 month.

-Day Migraine following as haven't been able to drink much 

-Im past normal exhausted as part of Fibromyalgia. It feels like I did a 14hr shift and haven't slep the next 2 nights. (Yes, I've done that in the past. Joy of nursing & midwifery whilst having dissabilities)

- Spoke to GP, meds increased. I don't want another endoscopy. Don't see what else it will tell us. It's costly to the NHS, I'm going to be in so much pain for at least 2 weeks after due to dissability, not the test. Urinary incontinence will be a pain. I'm not even for resuscitation (DNR) anyways. 

-Not hungry. Disordered eating means it will kick in if I can't eat at all today. Gods even cake don't sound appealing!

- Builders back. Same thing, back tomorrow instead. But now they got the list of job. 

-District Nurse decided I need compression stockings! My severe eczema might not like the extra heat in summer! & Scratchy material.

-Migraine afternoon - nightime.

-Did eat eventually. Yea me! 

Thursday 04.05.23

-Food helped with migraine & dissorted eating. 

- Pain and extreme exhaustion same. I can't hold a plate of food.

- Severe anxiety started in afternoon after flat owner demanding I get the garden clean that night. Message was passed to me by builder at around 4.40pm. to be done by tomorrow morning. Oh yea, I'm dissabled with poor balance, walks some 15-20 meter with 2 stick, uses wheelchair otherwise. And it would get dark even if I miraculously find someone for, ... work that's not urgent! And oh yes, there's no place to eat at the kitchen table due to building work. Like that's not a priority after builders leave rather than garden. Also. Thunder and rain so bad, I though thunder had struck nearby. 

-Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) few times last night (originates from past child abuse) but attacks due to the way the flat owner and estates agent treats me.

Friday 05.05.23

-Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) exacerbated since around 2am started with the stress.

- Headaches back

- Severe anxiety rising progressively

- C-PTSD flash back early morning. Good thing I know how to manage it.

- I ate with carer, yea! Well she made me eat. 

Saturday 06.05.23

-Anxiety still high

-C-PTSD same high during day, not typical of abuse. Definitely flat owner & Estates Agent related.

Sunday 07.05.23

- Actively managing the mental health side of things. 

- Bad Heaches day time 

- Friend brought me yummy KFC. Could only eat a tiny bit. Oh great, that's Dissordered Eating not happy with all the stress!

- Migrainy headach lasted 2-3 hrs. Resolved with management.

-Asthma attack in evening for over 2hrs. Was so rough couldn't do lung capacity measurement until finally calmed down. 

- I won't be able to finish my KFC now. I'm pissed off. I'm so tired of juggling several deseases. It wouldn't be so bad of people acted like human being. 

So. Do you still think I'm leisurely lying around having a relaxing time as a dissabled person?

Did you realise that it takes managing one thing after another everyday? 

So everyone can do better of they "really wanted"? I really wanted to not loose my mortgage and dog. It's my dog I missed the most, not even one of my things. From a Midwife I became homeless. From working 16hrs or work followed by Union Rep work (IE talking to staff, not official meetings before you quote the law) I'm now not able to eat independently at times, or wash alone now. I'm still acting?  Have a good, lazy life? You want to swap? 

[knifefightscene]

I can’t even deal with mental illness in a healthy way i deal with it by being obsessed over working and afraid of losing my job and then i lose 13-14hrs a day to a full time job and long commute and then on the weekends i just rot. I can’t work from home bc then i have too much energy and can’t sleep and feel bad the next day. I used to think i won’t become those people but i have. Now i am just struggling to find schedule and routine when i am not working.

[safetycar-restart]

somnophilia just screams esteban (can you believe he sleeps like 14hrs wtf???)

Oh god you're so right? I've never even thought about that before but fuck you definitely have a point here.

Firstly, Esteban always sleeping so long means that he tends to sleep on you quite a bit? He loves just finding wherever you're sitting and then laying down with his head on your lap? You are the perfect nap cushion. You are perfect for naps.

And often when Esteban naps on you, you tend to kinda just run your hands along his body? You stroke his hair, his arms, give him tummy rubs, etc. Basically, he's a cat. You have a cat.

It's this tendency to sorta just pet him that brings up the somno conversation? Because one day, you're stroking his tummy and your hand goes a little too low a few times and suddenly you realise he's hard. He's still peacefully asleep, but his cock is hard against his stomach.

You wake him up when you realise this, because you dont want to do anything without his permission. And Esteban is just so cute and giggly? He blushes when you point out that he's hard, turning to hide is face in your stomach.

"Help..." he mumbles, still hiding against your stomach.

After that, once Esteban has actually woken up, you guys have a conversation about what he'd like you to do in those situations.

Esteban's opinion on it is very much that if he's going to use you as a human pillow, then you absolutely get to use him however you want to.

So that's what happens. He comes to nap on you and you just slip your hand down his pants whenever you're bored.

He tends to sleep right until he cums? His eyes will shoot open right before he cums and then he whines as he spills over his hand. Then he'll look up at you and smile, cause he feels so good and that was the best way to wake up ever.

Sometimes he'll actually cum to nap with no clothes on just to make it easier.