#it was wasy better in my head though

[friendsdontlieokay]

The party and everyone else at the dinner table

Nancy (To Jonathan): Hey babe can you pass me the salt please?

Nancy:

Jonathan:

Mike:

Will:

Literally everyone:

Steve: Yeah sure-

Steve:

Dustin:

Eddie:

Robin: Are we...are we allowed to laugh a little now?

Will (with a mouthful of risotto): Thank God somebody mentioned it.

The awkward silence partially breaks and everybody starts giggling

[moonvis]

Please don’t leave me

Tom Holland x costar! reader

Summary: Tom breaks down after you film an emotional break up scene. 

Warning: angst to fluff.

Words: 1400

You happened to be so lucky to play the love interest of your boyfriends’ character. Being couple co-stars with Tom, meant getting to be intimate on set. You both loved it, even though it was hard letting go of each other at times.

Today’s scene wouldn’t be so intimate though. Tom’s character had recently cheated on your character, which meant it was time to film a heartbreak scene.

“AND ACTION!” The director yelled and you got into character.

You sit on the sofa, face in your hands. The tears you’ve been crying are all dried up, but it sure won’t be the last. The room in quiet and the air is cold, the only thing you can think about is the sight of your boyfriend with the other girl. He has apologised, but that won’t make it better. He cheated on you. He broke your heart.

You feel his lips meet your cheeks, once, twice, and three times. You feel the anger from before start to creep back again, and throw your hands up wiping him away. You rush out of your seat and go to stand in front of him instead. He stays seated in the sofa, his concerned eyes following your steps. When you finally meet his gaze, you feel fresh tears well up in your eyes.

“Why would you- You can’t just come here, kiss me, and think everything is okay!” Your raised voice startles the man in front of you, “Kissing me won’t make it better! It won’t make everything go away! It doesn’t work like that!”

He put his hands halfway up in defence, his eyes turning away from you, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He’s visibly nervous, scared even.

The room turns silent for a moment, giving you both a second to breath. You let a shaky breath, wiping your sweaty hands on your shirt. You’re about to say something that will break your heart even more, if possible, “I think you should go.”

His head snap up at your words, brows knitted together, “What?” Not letting his eyes fall away from you, he gets up and slowly walks over to stand in front of you.

“I really think… you need to leave now.” Your voice is quit, shaking.

The man you so badly want to forgive looks at you nervously, hands reaching your shoulders, panic evident in his voice, “Wait, wait, wait.” You stay silent, only look into his eyes. “You said earlier, there’s nothing so big we can’t work through together. You said-”

You shake your head and push away his hands, “What the hell did I know?”

“Please. There’s gotta be a way we can work this out. I-I can’t-” He grab your hand, taking it into his palms, bringing it to his heart, “I can’t imagine my life without you darling. You know…”

His eyes start to water, body gently shivering. The sight of him hurting sting in your chest, making you want to hug him, but he hurt you first.

Damn Tom was good. Filming scenes like these felt partly uncomfortable because you acted so well together. It almost felt real. At times, you even got emotional in real life.

“No, no, I can’t. You’re a different person… When I look at you, all I can think of is you and that other girl…” You let out a sad laugh, making the curlyhead cringe, “I used to think of you as someone who would never hurt me, but now- I really think you should leave.” You say the last sentence thought a sob you didn’t know you held.

You felt so grateful you would never have to say those words to Tom personally. There was no wasy you would ever let the dork go.

You love the man in front of you, but he cheated on you. He doesn’t deserve your love.

His eyes are puffy, tears streaming down his cheeks. His voice cracks as he speaks, “Please, baby. This can’t be it. Please…” He drags a hand down his face while you wrap your arms around yourself for some comfort. No words are exchanged, only the sound of soft sniffles and held back sobs.

You look down at your feet, your shoulders starting to shake. He can’t take the sight and sound of your heartbroken sobs, causing him to mirror them. You can’t make yourself to look at him, only speak quietly, “This has to be it. I’m sorry, but… we’re over.”

Unbeknownst to you, the sight of your pained eyes and the sound of your sobs, break Tom’s heart a little by little. If he’d ever do something to make you feel like this in real life, he would beet himself up for years. He would never be able to forgive himself.

You start sobbing for real this time, clasping your hand over your mouth, your other hand clutching your stomach.

You slowly lift your eyes up to the man in front of you as part of the acting but are surprised to see his bloodshot eyes.

He’s breathing quickly, hands dragging along his hair. Tears won’t stop streaming down his cheeks. He shakes his head, his body starting to tremble. He completely breaks down in front of you, falling to his knees. He’s looking like a regretful, heartbroken mess. Even the sound he’s making, sounds like a real heartache.

Tom was supposed to say the last lines of the scene, but the performance he was giving, breaking down in front of you, would look so much better. Damn, he was good at improvising. His performance didn’t even look like acting anymore.

Which, started to concern you.

“AND CUT! GREAT WORK GUYS, THAT’S A WRAP FOR TODAY!” The director finally yelled, making you let out a sigh of relief. The worst scene you would have to film together was finally over.

You dried away your fake tears, did a little stretch, and turned to your boyfriend. You expected Tom to have a smile on his face, probably relieved the scene was over as well.

Though he was in the complete opposite mood. Just like his character, he was still on the floor. His face was hidden in his hands, but you knew he was crying. You could hear his sniffles, see his body shaking. So, you were right, he wasn’t acting anymore.

You rushed down to his side, taking him into your embrace. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Tom started sobbing louder than before, his hand clutching onto your shirt. You had never seen him like this, and it worried you.

You took a quick look around you, your eyes meeting the director. He signalised for the cast and film crew to clear out, giving you and Tom some space. You gave the director a thankful nod before turning back to the heartbroken man in your arms.

Tom’s grip to you tightened, like he was scared to let you go. You stroke a hand on his back to comfort him, kissing the top of his head. What he said next shocked you; “Please don’t leave me, please… I-I can’t live without you.” You eyes widened, staring to realise the scene you just filmed had affected him more emotionally than normal.

“Tommy, please look at me.” You placed a gentle hand on his cheek, lifting his head to look at you. His eyes were bloodshot, filled with tears. You tired to dry them away the best you could as you spoke to him softly, “I will never leave you, okay? You have nothing to worry about. I will love you forever.”

Tom caught a sob in his throat, trying to compose himself. Your words made him calm down just a little. He let out a shivering breath while your eyes met. His lower lip was trembling, but he managed to get words out, “I’m sorry, I just… The scene, it made me think. The thought of losing you hurt so fucking much.”

“Don’t say sorry Tom.” You leaned forward and pressed your lips together in a deep kiss. The kiss lasted longer than usual, telling just how much you loved each other without words. It made Tom’s breath go back to normal, his tears finally stopping.

You were both panting as you let go, foreheads rested together. Tom brought his hand up and pulled some hair behind your ear, looking into your eyes with gratefulness, “I love you so much Y/n. Forever.”

“And I love you.” You smiled as you spoke, slowly leaning back from Tom. You took hold of his hand, helping him stand up, “Now, what do you say we get out of here and spend the day together.”

“And the night?” Tom winked at you; his adorable smile finally presents on his lips. You felt your cheeks heat up, knowing exactly what he was thinking, “Anything you’d like.” You kissed him once, twice and three times, before heading out of there, hand in hand.

-

Anyone know what series the break up scene is inspired from? ;)

[ithehellisbucky]

Alpine

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request: None

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Fluff fluff fluff. Mentions of someone being hurt and brief discussion about the mistreatment of a cat.

Author’s Note: I haven’t written in so long, I’m so sorry. I suck at fluff apparently, which is a good note. It’s pretty short, sorry about that. Enjoy!

~

James Buchanan Barnes. The Winter Soldier. The White Wolf. Deadly assassin. Cat person.

This was a secret if you've ever seen one. A shame, constantly hanging over Bucky's head. But you honestly thought it was cute as hell. 

I mean, come on, he's the scariest dude you'll ever meet; but once you break through his surface he's the opposite of terrifying. He's like a burnt marshmallow, rough on the outside and soft on the inside.

So, when you saw his face light up as you walked by a pet store, you set your plan in motion. You are going to get Bucky a cat for his birthday, even if it kills you.

~

It was March 3rd, exactly a week before his birthday when your plan was set in motion. Presents were wrapped, plans were made, and all for the incredible payoff of jack shit.

A pair of socks and a new shirt, absolutely nothing. But the cat, the cat was everything. It was going to seal the deal. It was going to make this the best birthday ever.

His name was Alpine. The cat that Bucky had looked at every day when you passed the glass window. Alpine. A white, scrawny, orphan cat. Not a kitten, but a cat. A cat that would at least make Bucky's day, if not his year.

In the days leading up to Bucky's birthday, you slowly got everything in order. Bought more towels, blankets, and even cat food. Everything was in order, now, and all you needed was the cat.

~

March 10th. Bucky's birthday. The day he simultaneously loved and hated. In one way it reminded him of his life in the 30s, and in the other wasy it did the same, yet only it shone light on a different perspective.

You snuck out of bed at 8 AM. You were positive that Bucky would probably freak out if he woke up to an empty bed, so you wrote him a sweet note that said you were picking up a last-minute gift for him.

It was like something out of a spy movie; you wore a hoodie and sunglasses, in case Bucky went out on a morning run and spotted you (definitely not for the thrill of pretending you were in a James Bond movie).

First, you went to the pet store, not the shop where Alpine stayed, but at a giant pet store. You bought all the things that you couldn't easily smuggle into your apartment. Kitty litter, a crate, a collar, and a tiny little cat toothbrush that was far cuter than a toothbrush had any right to be.

After picking up all of the necessities, you drove to the pet shop. A smile spread onto your cheeks when you saw who was at the window.

It was Bucky, sweating like a pig from what you assumed was his early morning run. He was peering into the window and had a giant smile on his face as his lips formed baby talk (or cat talk I guess, but you assumed it sounded the same).

Waiting for a few minutes to enter the store was no problem, it would all be worth it to see Bucky have that same smile on his face, all day long. 

Once Bucky left the window, you instantly rushed into the store. The woman at the counter had a cheery (if not enthusiastic) look on her face, and you hoped that her service would be as great as her smile.

"Hi, I'm (y/n) Barnes, we spoke on the phone." You exclaim to the woman with a smile.

"Of course, you were seeking to adopt Alpine the cat; correct?" She returned with a grin.

"Yes, that is me," you pull out your ID to show her. 

"Great, it seems like you have most of the paperwork already filled out, if you could just fill out these few forms you'll be all set to take Alpine home." She cheerfully responded.

"Thank you so much." You reply, taking the clipboard she was handing you into your clutches.

It only took about 10 minutes to fill out the forms, and once you handed them to the woman at the counter she looked over them and then said: "Congratulations Mrs. Barnes, you are now a proud pet parent. Do you have a crate to take home Alpine, or would you like to purchase one."

"I have one, if you wouldn't mind that I pop into my car and go grab it." You could barely contain your excitement, just because this gift was for Bucky’s birthday it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a present for you as well.

You ran to your car at an almost lightning-fast speed, practically walking on sunshine the whole way there.

Once you got back into the store, the clerk was standing right next to the window. On your side of the glass, there were boxes with all the cats and dogs. It was positioned in a way where the side facing the street and the side facing you was glass. The two adjacent walls were made out of wood painted grass green, and the top was open.

There were several pillows and a water bowl in there, and he seemed slightly malnourished. "He was a rescue." The woman exclaims.

"Hm?" You ask, you were too busy looking at Alpine to register what she was saying.

"His old home abused him, eventually animal control found out and rescued him. They put him in a shelter for a couple of weeks, but he was too scared to eat or interact with any of the other cats, so we thought it would be much safer and healthier to have him live here until he got adopted."He's a pretty traumatized cat; we've only had him in for about a month, and he's not a great eater. If you do decide to adopt him, you're going to have to do a lot of work to keep him happy and healthy. I would completely understand if you didn't want to adopt him now, we have several other kittens that would be great for you and your husband."

You didn't have to think at all, you already knew your response. "No thank you, my husband walks past this shop at least once every day, and he loves Alpine. Every time he comes here, his mood instantly brightens. He's been through some shit, and so has Alpine. I think that they could help each other."

Your gaze averted from the woman and down to the white cat in front of you. 

"Alright then, I'll open the crate and you can pick him up and put him there." She exclaimed. 

The moment your fingers touched his fur, the entire world became bleached in sunshine. His fur wasn't soft by any means, but that didn't matter to you. It was obvious that he wasn't taken care of that well, and you felt yourself developing more and more resentment for anyone who helped this beautiful cat become as scared and hurt as he was.

You carefully picked Alpine up and wrapped your arms around him in a way that you hoped made him feel protected. Half-expecting him to freak out and scratch you through your shirt, you were pleasantly surprised when he did none of those things. He just simply cuddled himself closer to your chest.

"He's perfect." You whispered under your breath, just enough to make the women smile lightly.

Gently placing Alpine in the crate, you smile at his small paws prodding around the new space. He mews, and your eyes light up even more.

"Thank you so much," You exclaim with a smile to the shopkeeper.

"No problem, give me a call if you have any problems." You grin, and shake her hand.

You pick up the crate, and Alpine starts mewling at the shaking space around him. "It's okay," Reaching down to put your hand at the opening you smile when he rubs his face against your fingers.

When you walk out the door you wave at the shopkeeper. The two of you make eye contact and exchange a smile. 

As you walk back to your car you try to move as carefully as you can to not swing around the crate too much. When you reach the car you gently put the crate in the back seat. Even though you may want for him to sit next to you in the passenger seat, you know that he could get hurt.

~

When you got home, you asked the old lady named Cynthia in the apartment next to yours to watch Alpine for a little while, just long enough for you to keep Bucky's surprise going.

"Hey baby," You exclaimed as soon as you walked in through the door to your apartment.

Bucky was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book as he ate cereal. You internally winced when you realized that in your haste you had forgotten to make him a special breakfast, or at least picked up some donuts from Krispy Kreme. Bucky would never expect you to cook for him, but it still made you feel bad that he was eating cereal on his birthday.

"Hey doll, how are you doing today." You smile and walk up to him, scooting his chair back and moving to straddle his lap. 

"I'm doing okay, how about you?" You ask, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"I'm doing great now." He says with a chuckle. "I was a little bit concerned when I came home and you weren't here, but it's all good."

"Sorry, I was picking you up a present." You kiss him on the lips again.

"Can I open it right now?" He asks, moving in to kiss your neck.

You laugh, and simply respond with, "I'm not your present Bucky, I think you'll like the one I am getting you a whole lot more."

"Nonsense, you being here with me is a gift of itself, everything else is just confetti."

"Awww, baby." You tilt your head to get a better look at the adorable fluffball in front of you. "I am getting you a real present though, and I think you'll like it a lot.

"So... Do you want to unwrap presents now?" 

"Sure, sounds fun." Bucky is trying to play cool, but you can see through his eyes that he’s excited.

"Alright, I'm gonna run into the bedroom and grab them really fast, then we can open them. We'll open the rest of the presents tonight at Pepper's house."

Inside of the closet where you stashed the shirt and socks you giggle thinking about the stunt that you're about to pull on Bucky.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Bucky, happy birthday to you!" You walk in carrying the two presents in your hand, and Bucky looks almost happier than you've ever seen him before. 

Once you set both of the presents down on the ground, Bucky eagerly rips open one of the neatly wrapped packages. The second he sees that there is only a red henley inside, his face falls slightly, but he quickly picks it back up to keep the appearance of excitement on for you.

"It's great Doll, I needed another one." He reaches over and kisses you on the forehead.

He opens the second present, more slowly this time, and pulls it out carefully. His face immediately droops when seeing that it's socks. He puts on a happy face and says, "great, I love it." With as much enthusiasm as he can muster.

You let out a chuckle, even though you feel guilty for making Bucky feel bad. "I'm just kidding Baby, close your eyes and I'll have your real present in a minute."

Bucky lets out a sigh of relief, and he immediately looks guilty the second after.

"C'mon baby, did you think I would play you like that?" You respond with a small chuckle. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes," you exclaim as you lean down to kiss him on the cheek.

After you leave the apartment, you pretend to stomp down the hallway, when in reality all you’re doing is going next door. You carefully knock on the door, and Cynthia opens it up almost immediately.

"Hi, is he doing alright?" You ask with genuine concern.

"Oh lovely, you're very lucky to have him, he's sweet as sugar. My cat, Vera, has taken a liking to him, perhaps you could bring him over some time for a play date?" Even though you had never heard of a cat play date, you were open to the idea.

"Sounds great!" You reply with a smile.

"Splendid, I'll go get him now." She walks back into her apartment only to shortly return with the crate.

She hands you Alpine, and you quickly respond with: "Thank you so much, Cynthia, have a great day!" She then smiles and closes the door.

You walk the few feet back to your apartment, and you open it to a crack. "Hey baby, could you close your eyes for a minute?" Bucky doesn't say anything, and just simply puts a hand over his eyes.

As you open the door, Alpine lets out a meow. You frantically look over at Bucky, but he’s none the wiser.

Once you're fully inside and have the door closed, you set the crate on the ground and open the latch, pulling Alpine out. 

"Keep 'em closed, and let your arms out." Bucky does as you told him to, and you gently place Alpine in his arms.

"You can open them now."

Bucky looks down at the white ball of fur that he's holding, and a smile immediately erupts on his face. "Is it-"

"Yeah, baby, it is." A grin spreads on your features.

Bucky doesn't say anything, just carefully plays with Alpine. He turns him to face him and smiles even more when he sees his cute little whiskers. He begins to talk baby talk to Alpine, and you can't help but giggle at this adorable display.

"His name is Alpine." Bucky looks up at you, and then back at Alpine.

"Well isn't that the perfect name for the perfect cat." He exclaims with the biggest smile you've ever seen him wear. 

He reaches towards you and pulls you closer towards him. You move from facing him, to sitting next to him, and he wraps his human arm around you.

"I love you, sweetheart." He says as he kisses you on the forehead. 

You smile and respond with, "And I love you." As you move your lips towards him to give him a kiss, which he eagerly returns.

After you finish your sweet embrace he turns down to look at the white cat that had cuddled himself into Bucky's arm. "And I love you too, Alpine."

Requests are open!

Prompt List

~Taglists are open~

Permanent Tags: @natasha-danvers​

Marvel:

[amassingeffect]

Ficlet Prompt Friday - Enteritis - Jaal Ama Darav

@trajektoria: Jaal preparing something traditionally angaran for his friends and family and accidentally poisoning all the humans on the Tempest

Warnings: post-Meridian

There wasn’t a better way Jaal could think of to celebrate. Well, actually there was, but aboard the Tempest, this wasy the best way he could think of. The impossible had been done and Evfra had once again offered him a transfer to lead a new unit. Jaal was sure his place was at Ryder’s side. They’d already done so much, come so far and he knew they would do yet more things.

So he stayed on the Tempest and helped unlock vaults and kick kett ass. The Tempest family was one he grew to care for, had bonded with. He’d prefer to stay as long as he could.

They were why he had commandeered the kitchen for the day. The dish was complicated to make, took actual ingredients instead of paste and careful preparation. It took quite a few trades and enough hiding of things. He had asked everyone to meet in the conference room and he was giving them some time because Peebee was notorious for always running, “just a bit late.”

He gathered the plates and cutlery, heading for the elevator. The walk was silent. And even as got on the elevator and took it up, he could hear Peebee’s rushed steps just as the door closed behind her. Perfect timing on his part.  He slowly walked down the hallway and up the ramp, listening to them speculating as to why he wished to speak to them all.

And all eyes focused on him as he appeared in the conference room. Liam’s eyes zeroed right in on the pan Jaal held.

“Oh, where’d you get pink cake from?” he grunted as Cora elbowed him. “Sorry, sorry, you probably have something to say.”

“I do,” Jaal suddenly wished he’d spent enough time preparing what he wanted to say because it suddenly seemed inadequate. “I was unsure when you all arrived on Aya, your ship afire,”

“Can we just never bring that up again?” Ryder groaned.

That got a round of chuckles and even Jaal smiled. “And I will admit that working with new aliens left me feeling reluctant. I believe your saying is twice burned, twice shy?”

There were some headshakes but Peebee kept it going with, “We know what you mean. Carry on.”

“But you all have proven yourself time and time again, putting yourselves on the line for the sake of angaran and in joining our cause to free ourselves of the kett. There truly are no words for the wonderful gift of freedom you’ve given us, even if it is for a short while—”

“Kid, speeches are supposed to be inspiring. Stick to that point and less realism.” Drack butted in.

“Mm, I suppose you are right. While I know it is not much, please enjoy this traditional angaran dish I have prepared. We call it gosan kurali and make it for truly special occasions.”

“So kill the Archon, get pink cake. What do we get if we rid the whole galaxy of the kett?” Liam mused.

“Let’s dial it back there,” Ryder laughed. “Thank you Jaal. It looks delicious. Thank god we all don’t have to tromp on down to the lab for tests.”

Liam’s cry of “Pink cake time!” seemed to have set them off. Someone took the plates and cutlery off his hands and before long, everyone was clustered around the gosan kurali. Jaal took the time to approach Vetra where she was leaning on the siderail.

“I was unsure of how to make some for you, so I managed to track down something for you.”

“Uh… thanks?” Vetra sounded very confused when he deposited a small envelope in her hand.

“I’m told it’s kasingu seeds.”

“Holy crap!” Vetra stared at the packet in her hand before tucking it away. “How did you find them?”

“Someone offered them in trade. Apparently it’s a berry from the turian home planet?”

“The best berry, was amazing with nathak. I never thought I’d have them again,” Vetra’s mandibles shifted out in a wide smile. “You’re too sweet, you know that Jaal?”

“You’re most certainly welcome. It is a small thing for someone who has done much for us. I am fairly sure if you wished to set up shop on an angaran planet, no one would take issue with that.”

Vetra laughed. “I’ll keep it in mind. But I’ve got some seeds to—”

“Jaal!” Liam came over, crumbs of kurali at the corner of his mouth. “This is fantastic! Never had a sweet cake that’s a bit sour before. Like eating a sour patch kid on steroids.”

“It’s supposed to be sweet.” Jaal frowned as he eyed the remaining crumbs in the dish.

“It is, but then the sour creeps up and then the sweet sucker punches is again. Pretty sure I saw Ryder take two pieces after they had a bite.”

Jaal narrowed his eyes. Did Liam’s lips look puffy? And his face a little bit too.

“You feeling okay there Kosta?” Vetra leaned down to peer at him. “You look a little swollen?”

“I feel fine. Why does —”

“Oh my God, get him to the medbay!”

Jaal barely had time to see a profoundly swollen Gil being rushed down the stairwell by a concerned Lexi before pure pandemonium erupted. It seemed like everyone was dropping plates and scattering in a mad rush. Jaal didn’t know what to do as Vetra was hurrying a distinctly puffy Liam to the medbay and before long, it was just Peebee and Drack left behind.

“What just happened?” Jaal was so confused.

“My guess is that they couldn’t quite handle your pink cake,” Drack shrugged as he took another bite of his. “Downside of only a single stomach. Tastes fine to me. Liam was right though, like the sweet and sour are duking it out. Good job kid, I need the recipe from you.”

“And you are okay Peebee?”

“Yeah, the cake is good. I’d take seconds if some people left some.” She scowled at Drack.

“What, I’m a growing krogan.” Drack deadpanned, eating another bite.

“Oh hey, there’s Vetra! So what’s the deal?” Peebee waved her over.

“Lexi wants the pan to run a toxicology report. Gil and Liam puffed up like some kind of fish from some sort of allergic reaction and I’d say avoid the bathroom for the next little while if you can, pretty sure Ryder and Cora are dying in there. The fan definitely can’t keep up.” Vetra picked up the pan before gently patting him on the shoulder. “Sorry Jaal. I think your cake did them in.”

This was definitely not how Jaal foresaw this going. And neither was he expecting Peebee’s delighted laugh.

“So it’s death cake for them and the perfect dessert for me and Drack! Old man, we never have to worry about getting enough ever again.

Jaal buried his face in his hands. If he was really lucky, no one would ever mention this ever again.

[cpep89-blog]

Outta the Box & Wanker Goals

First day kinda back in the box. Definitely the first day just outside the box. It was horrible, I’m laying flat out on an industrial estate car park, I’m trying to control my rapid breathing, My heart feels like it's going to explode, and my legs have completely gone…..Fucking Thrusters and burpees. 

For Time (15 min cap)

100 Thrusters*

*the twist, 5 Burpees over plate every minute. 

Doesn't sound too bad, well Mr big balls here thought he could go RX 20kg plate. 

Should have gone 15kg. Absolutely killed me. 

This is what I love about Crossfit tho, a simple 15min workout can be so humbling. Crossfit can really push you and make you change your mindset.  

I went to the gym partly for rugby but mainly to look good. I wanted that lean physique, big arms, strong looking shoulders, abs and muscular legs. I was striving for something I think now I pretty much had, it was unhealthy. I’d compare myself to people in the gym and think, christ they must be nailing their nutrition and have a really good workout program. Turns out the majority of these guys were on gear (steroids), even though at first they denied it. No way was I risking that, I’d worked in a cardiac unit for a year and saw plenty of young ‘gym rats’ come in with fucked up hearts because of steroids. 

So in a way I kinda gave up in thinking I could have this lean six pack look again (I had done it before. But that was due to other reasons, which I may or may not share.) I wasn’t going down that road. I Got a bit lost and disheartened, still had this thought I needed to look better. 

SW1 came to Chippenham, Now I couldn’t be happier.  My mindset changed to performance andI  created a greater resilience against myself. I no longer worry about what I look like as much as I did. My fight now is with my mind during a workout, telling myself I can do this and not to give in. While also remembering the US Navy Seals 40% rule. 

40% Rule

‘When your mind is telling you you're done and you can go on, you're only actually 40% done.’

I learnt about this in Ross Edgley art of resilience (highly recommend reading it). I also learnt about the time he spent with the Ju-Wasi tribe in Namibia I think and their brutal initiation into adulthood. You have to look this up, I can’t write about it and you’ll see why. Apparently this is how they create world class long distance runners. 

Back to Crossfit, there's so many different aspects to Crossfit I never knew about and how they incorporate Olympic lifts, Kettlebells, Metcons, Gymnastics, Calisthenics, Aerobic exercise and a ton of other stuff that puts me in a hole, into a work is awesome. I want to improve on every single one, to have a solid foundation and see where my Crossfit ride takes me. Having this aim of a solid foundation means it takes my mind off how I look in the mirror. I now eat to fuel myself for these sessions.   

I have a weekly PT session with J.B-S the head coach of SW1. I wanted to be able to do the gymnastics part, as I've never done anything like that before and being upside down was very alien. I think I’ve done like 14 weeks or so with him, I can get upside down, it's definitely less alien. My shoulders have never been so strong and healthy, I had a rotator cuff injury from rugby which has always played me up, feels like it's almost gone. He’s taken my Crossfit Wanker goals and is integrating them in the sessions. I wish I never shared them sometimes as I have left his garden barely able to walk. We've done a lot of the sessions during lock-down when PTs could work again. His set up was awesome, Squat rack with bar and weight, rower, bike erg, ski erg, Dumbbells and kettlebells. I can really feel the progress. 

What I’ve really come to love about SW1 is the community it’s built, I never thought I’d be one to get involved and workout with loads of different people. I’m a bit of a quiet guy at times but this has helped break me out and be more sociable. Tonight I was the last one I think to finish and I had three people shouting at me, encouraging me to finish. That is fucking awesome. 

One week away from the gym being open, I can't bloody wait. 

CrossFit Wanker Goals

Gymnastics

Handstand push up

Pull up, chest to bar, butterfly

Muscle ups

Toes to bar

Lifting

Olympic lifts to improve technique and strength

Others

Double unders

Pistol squats

Continually improving cardio

[zarafoodrecipe]

Sony's 360 Reality Audio is the future of music, and I can't wait

The first half of the demo involved listening to a music track through an elaborate 13.2 channel array of speakers. The second half involved listening to the same track in 360 Reality Audio through a high-end pair of Sony headphones. My first thought was that the sound wasn't coming from the headphones at all, but the moment I lifted the earcupand confirmed that it wasI was left absolutely floored. It not only sounded better, but was more engaging and multi-dimensional to listen to than the 13.2 channel speaker setup. The soundstage was so wide and detailed that I could easily pinpoint vocals and other nuances of the music track. It truly felt like you were inside the piece of music.

Sony's demo pitted headphones with 360 Reality Audio against a 13.2 surround speaker setup.Credit:Krishan Sharma Sony had another demonstration where it used a standalone speaker to playback 360 Reality Audio and, while it did a decent job of making the audio feel as though it was coming from various locations around the room, the effect wasn't anywhere near as convincing as listening through a pair of headphones. Sony is clearly onto a winner with 360 Reality Audio, but there are some challenges that lay ahead of it. A major reason the 360 Reality Audio sounded so convincing in the demonstration is that the headphone audio was calibrated precisely to the hearing characteristics of our ears using highly sensitive wire microphones that were placed in each ear. How sound travels to the listening ear is different for everyone so getting this part of the process right is crucial for 3D Reality Audio to work. [embedded content] Sony says that its developing a phone app for users to take photos of their own ears that the app will then calibrate audio to. Going down the app route for calibration might be convenient, but the calibration isn't going to be as accurate as what we experienced in the demo room so we'll have to wait and see how much of an impact this has on the end listening experience. Music will also need to be mastered in 360 Reality Audio and, while Sony has a head start in this regard thanks to the enormous music catalogue it has access to under its Sony Music Entertainment arm, it's going to take some time to amass a compelling library. Finally, while 360 Reality Audio should technically work on any pair of headphones, the one we used in the demonstration was an audiophile-grade MDR-Z7M2 that retails for $1300. Just how well 360 Reality Audio scales down to cheaper headphones is likely to remain a question mark until it's made available to the public. Still, if this is what the future of music sounds like, sign me up. The author travelled to Las Vegas as a guest of Hisense. Krishan is a multi-award-winning Australian technology journalist. Most Viewed in Technology Loading https://www.smh.com.au/technology/sony-s-360-reality-audio-is-the-future-of-music-and-i-can-t-wait-20190118-p50s4k.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed

[wandererofathousandpaths]

Gone in a flash

"Why did you do it?" came the question as the clock ticks in the middle of the impenetrable room, Emperor Cardinal lifts his head and turns towards the other side of the room and looks at Stargirl who scowls at him and repeats herself, "Why did you turn to crime."

Emperor Cardinal purses his lips and looks away, his eyes seemed both nervous and ashamed. The reason he turned to crime? It was shameful, but the reason why he continued to do crime was even worse.

Stargirl's face reddened and she stalks over and grabs Emperor Cardinal by the shoulders and shakes him hard, "Don't ignore me! Answer me question, I'm being civil here! You already told me you know about why I became a hero so it's your turn to tell me! We're going to die here anyways." Stargirl whispers, tears welling up in her eyes.

Emperor Cardinal grabs Stargirl's hands, stopping her shaking of his person, and he sighs. "Alright, fine I'll tell you." Emperor stops for a minute then he gestures for Stargirl to sit down, "I'm going to have to ask you to keep quiet during the whole time, I'm talking."

He raises his hands to stop her protests, "It's important," he states looking her right in the eyes, "It's really heavy stuff, so please just listen okay?"

Stargirl scowls then sighs, "Fine." She relents "I'm going to keep quiet, you'd better not be lying about what ever you say."

Emperor looks away and whispers, "I would never lie to you."

"What was that?"

Emperor just ignores her and crosses his legs, ready to begin his story.

I had a lonely life as a kid, alone a house that seemed to be so small yet so big for me. I was always just wandering around the house playing by myself or watching TV all day, though at the time I really didn't mind. I was happy playing alone and so I was content.

It went like that everyday, until I started going to school. At first I was excited, I've always watched other kids play with each other on TV and thought "Hey, I can finally do that too! It's going to be really fun!" but I was wrong I was very very wrong. No matter what I did I never really had any friends, no body ate with me during lunch and so I was always alone playing or drawing all by myself. That was my first experience with loneliness.

As the years went by and I got older, I thought things would get better but i didn't happen. The isolation got worse, eventually it escalated to bullying. My stuff was getting taken, I was being called names by everybody and they were ostracizing me outright just because I was an easy target. I tried telling the teachers but they didn't lift even a single finger to help me and so I was left alone hurt and shocked, nobody was going to help me so I only had myself. And so my loneliness had a partner sadness and they would haunt me for the rest of my days.

Eventually, I tried to change myself. I tried to become somebody I'm not, over and over and over again, until I was somebody I didn't recognize. Someone with no goal and no purpose no passion or ambition, I was hurt and alone, but after a while I stopped trying and I stopped caring. I sealed up all my emotions and started to drown in my own emotions, I started to hate everyone while acting like nothing was wrong it was tiring and I almost had take the easy way out.

Heh, it seems like all the characteristics of a villain in a story where you want a sympathetic villain right? Sorry if I'm boring you but I'm not done yet.

I hated everything and everyone so I decided to take it out on anybody I could get away with. I had the power and I was smart enough to get away with it. So I committed my first crime, murder. It was a boy about my age, it was pretty wasy actually, I just tapped him in the back of the throat with my power and then he started melting, his screams were silent because I went for his throat first and melted his vocal chords. I just watched him die slowly, I used my powers to slowly erase him from existence, his cells were slowly disappearing one by one and I looked at him in the eyes the whole time. It was, something the look in his eyes the emotion it conveyed I was enraptured by it right until the life left his eyes and his body faded away not even ash remained.

After that I just kept going, killing and killing people. I started robbing people of their stuff too once it started getting boring It was exciting you know? People were scared of me! Me! The guy who was too afraid to even say a word in class in fear of getting mocked by his classmates, I was the one who made people look behind them at night the terror in the streets!

Although eventually, even that soon felt like nothing. I kept going anyway, killing people, taking their stuff then evading capture like always, I lamented, was I going to live like this? A boring life? Everything utterly meaningless and empty? I didn't like it but there was nothing I could do to change that.

But then you came along and caught me on the act, I remember that day I was about to kill some girl with red hair and you leapt in trying to fight me off like it was nothing! You were something new, not because you did so. You just had that something that caught my eye, like you had a passion, like you had something to fight for. So I let you go and made my escape.

I never regretted that choice not one bit.

You became a hero and I was the villain, people finally knew what to look for. So I decided to stop hiding in the shadows, donning a suit I became Emperor Cardinal and you became Stargirl, every time I appeared you were there to stop me. I was frustrated at first but then I got curious. Why would you risk your life for someone you didn't know? So I followed you to your house one day and saw you with your family and friends, it was happy and warm scene you know? I felt a pang in my chest at the sight something I didn't think I'd ever feel in my entire life and when I looked at your face, I was taken aback by how warm and happy it was it was so bright and filled with emotion.

After that I started to fight you harder, how much until you break? Will you still keep smiling when I killed you? Will your despair stir something inside me? I had to know so we fought. Day or night we fought, each battle you gave your hardest and each battle you won.

It was amazing you know? Each battle was special to me. It never got boring, it was always different to me. I even stopped killing and just waited for you to appear so we could fight.

I was happy.

I was in love.

I didn't want it to end.

So I never stopped.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emperor Cardinal stops and heaves out a sigh, it was a long story it was the longest he'd ever talked in a long time.

He felt lighter, better than he had in forever.

He looks at Stargirl who was looking at him in shock her face welled up with tears, before she clenched her fist and sent him flying with a punch.

"You idiot." She mutters as she walks over to him, "You are pathetic." She mutters and grabs him by the shirt and lifts him into the air.

"I know."

"You're scum."

"I know."

"You should just die."

He smiles, "I know."

"You didn't have to do this." She breathes the sound harsh and ragged, "You didn't have to kill just like that. they didn't deserve that no matter what they did to you." Tears are flowing down her face now, a steady stream dripping on the floor. "They had family, they had friends. They had people who cared for them!"

"I know."

"I hate you, for what you've done. I hate you for what you wanted to do." She drops him on the floor and looms over him, her eyes glowing with a breathtaking light, "I hate you for giving up."

The Emperor nods, his smile wavering "I know."

Stargirl takes a deep breath and continues, "but I want to save you. I want to take you to justice and I want to see you get what you deserve."

"I know."

"But we're going to die here." She mutters and looks up her eyes shining with determination, "So I'm going to do what I can, I'm going to save you." She steps forward and with both arms, she hugs him.

The Emperor hesitates before reciprocating the hug, he was silent before he started laughing, the sound was hoarse as if the one who was laughing wasn't used to it yet. "This is nice and I want to stay like this forever." he breaths but untangles himself from her hug, "Unfortunately I have to correct you on something."

Stargirl blinks in hurt and confusion before asking, "What are you talking about? What do you mean you have to correct me on something?"

The Emperor takes a step back towards the bomb before raising his arm, "You're not going to die here." The air rips before him, creating a large gap that was separating him and Stargirl and a section of the room.

Stargirl rushes forward but stops before she reaches the gap, "What are you doing?! What do you mean?!"

The Emperor chuckles then gestures to the gap, "Simple, I separated the specific area in front of you so you can be safe when the bomb goes off." He rubs the back of his head and laughs, "Don't worry, when I die the gap will disappear and you can get back to your family."

Stargirl's eyes widen before she yells. "What?! No!" She tries to use her power to bridge that gap, but to no avail. "You don't have to do this!" She begs, "We can find another way, you don't need to die like this!"

The Emperor shakes his head, "There is no more time, I calculated this." He nods his head towards the bomb, which was about to go down to zero. "I planned to tell you story and then separate you from the bomb."

He then blushes a small smile growing on his face. "The hug was nice though, thank you."

Stargirl lets out a cry as she redoubles her efforts to save him, all the while yelling and begging him not to do it. "Don't do this! Please! You have so much to live for! Save yourself! Don't do this please!" She sobs as she collapses on the ground panting in exhaustion.

The Emperor smiles, "You are my reason for living, Stargirl as stupid as it sounds. Besides," he turns to the bomb which ticks to zero "Times up anyway."

He turns to Stargirl and gives her one last smile. "This is your first time to see someone actually get killed isn't it? I'm sorry."

The bomb explodes devouring everything in the room with an inferno of rage and flame.

Stargirl screams. "NO!"

But the Emperor is engulfed with flame.

As Emperor falls to the floor his gives a wheeze and looks up at Stargirl and says his final words, "Goodbye Stargirl, I hope you enjoyed our time as much as I did."

As he closes his eyes, he takes in the wailing visage of Stargirl and closes his eyes, 'Such emotion. It's beautiful' he thinks 'This is what I love about her, her emotion.' he gives one last wheeze before he dies and his body goes still forever.