#it will be funny on a small scale but a fucking nightmare in general

[thewayshedreamed]

This Time— Part 2

A Nessian Fan Fic

Fic Masterlist

Alright, here it is! All of your responses to my first post were so encouraging, so I thank all of you for that! I was so nervous to post anything that I’ve written, and y’all made me feel so welcomed. Anyway, here’s the continuation of my angsty Nessian fic, This Time. It’s a long one, but I wanted to give some insight into Nesta’s headspace while also setting the occasion for the next part! Hope y’all enjoy it.

If you missed part one, you can find it here.

———————————————————————————-

A dull throb in her temples caused Nesta to stir in the early hours of Sunday morning. She was vaguely aware that it was raining, thunder rolling in a steady rhythm. She turned onto her back and gritted her teeth at the intensifying pain in her head. It suddenly radiated from her temples, meeting in the middle of her forehead and behind her eyes. For the briefest of moments, she wondered about the luck she had (or didn’t have) to wake up feeling like this. No recent illness, no allergies, no alcohol the night before. She blinked into the darkness as she considered, willing her cognition to catch up to her conscious state. Her answer became apparent when her eyes felt gritty as she blinked, and upon rubbing them, she felt a faint tenderness over and around her lids.

Ah, that’s right. The crying.

The events of the previous night flooded her memory.

I’m so gone for you...

You should go...

We can’t be friends after this conversation.

You don’t mean that...

The maddeningly soft click of the door echoed in her mind repeatedly, emulating the rhythm of her heartbeat. She slammed her eyes shut and turned sharply onto her side to bury her face into the pillow.

So often, people talk about the all-consuming relief that comes with waking from a nightmare and realizing none of it was real. These are the stories told at dinner with family or friends, at lunch with co-workers, or at larger social gatherings. Account after account is shared of cheating spouses, car accidents, home invasions, etc., followed by an expression of overwhelming relief at realizing it was all a dream.

Almost never do people discuss the ugly alternative. The micro-interval of time immediately upon waking where one exists in blissful ignorance, followed by the sudden gut-punch of recollection. The ambush of emotions surrounding some life-altering event.

Nesta caught herself grasping for that tiny shred of time, just moments prior, where she was only navigating a headache.

She felt her pulse quicken and her body start to flush, both being clear indicators of her heightened anxiety. Her heart thundered in her chest, and she felt a slight tremble starting to run through her chest and stomach. She closed her eyes as tears threatened to pool yet again and focused on taking a few deep breaths. She lazily reached out, feeling around until she located another pillow across her too large bed. She clutched it tightly against her chest and abdomen, willing it to ground her somehow. Tucking it close to her body and keeping an iron grip, she started to count her breaths until she finally drifted back to sleep.

———-

She had to cancel lunch with Elain and Feyre that Sunday, having slept long enough that she didn’t have enough time to make herself presentable. After explaining that she was suffering from a crippling headache (with no mention of its origin), they sent their well wishes and told her to call if she needed absolutely anything.

Her mornings persisted in a similar manner for the rest of the week. Usually one to rise on her first alarm, she couldn’t find the motivation to do so no matter how hard she tried. She snoozed her alarm a half-dozen times, finally dragging herself out of bed to dress quickly, grab a protein bar, and fly out the door for work.

Work served as a decent distraction from current events. She stayed busy and engaged, allowing her to completely ignore her phone and avoid any personal questions. She knew her sisters would be worried after telling them she was ill, and it was a matter of time before news of her and Cassian’s fight permeated their group of friends. Her sisters would likely put two and two together. Busy bodies. Fiercely loyal, protective, and supportive, but busy bodies all the same.

Several evenings that week she had received several variations of “check in” texts from them, as well as a couple of their friends.

Elain:

”Hey, Nes! Hoping you’re feeling better. Just wanted to check in and see how you are!”

Feyre:

”Just checking in, sister! I hadn’t heard from you since we cancelled lunch, so I hope you’re doing okay! Love you!”

Mor:

”Hi, love! I haven’t seen you in DAYS. Far too long. Please tell me I’ll see you soon! And that you’re alive and well. <3”

Amren:

“Alright. Spill. What’s going on with you? You haven’t responded to anything I’ve sent you, and I’ve sent you some funny shit.”

Nesta drafted one text, copying and pasting it to each and every one of them. She didn’t have the emotional energy to answer the question at all, much less several times over.

“Hey! Thanks for checking on me. I’m sorry I’m just getting back to you! Things have just been crazy this week. I’ve been busy, but I’m fine! We’ll get together soon.”

She stared at the lie over and over again.

I’m fine...

I’m fine...

Although, deep down, she knew. If she were fine, she wouldn’t keep scrolling to a certain text thread. She wouldn’t be reading and re-reading their previous conversations, and she definitely wouldn’t be focused on the date and time stamp of the last received message from days ago.

———

Nesta had been conflicted about Saturday all week long. She had very specific plans: sleep as late as her body would possibly allow, have coffee on the back porch, catch up on her reading, take a long nap, stream as much nonsense television as she could handle, have a bottle of wine, go to sleep. She had been looking forward to the peaceful oblivion of deep sleep, yet she found herself dreading the passage of her free time. It had taken a couple of days to land on an acceptable itinerary, and she felt better with a certain course of action.

She awoke to her covers being abruptly pulled away and the pillow pulled off the top of her head. She groaned dramatically and turned over to identify the offender, fully prepared to sling insults their way for interrupting her sleep. Before she could formulate a cohesive thought, a deep, familiar voice interrupted her.

“Enough of this, Nes. Get up. We’re going to brunch,” the voice announced, his tone dry and neutral.

Nesta’s eyes shot open, falling on a pair of hazel eyes that dared her to be uncooperative.

“What the fuck, Az? How did you even get in here? And what if I were naked?!”

”Look, I pulled the short straw. You’ve barely spoken to anyone all week. When you did, your responses were short and contrived. Your friends and family are worried, and I got volunteered to enter the lion’s den as the only one who isn’t afraid of waking you up.”

”That doesn’t answer all my questions,” she muttered as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

“I’ve driven you and your sisters home on enough drunken nights to know where your spare key is. And I saw the sleeve of your sweater before I pulled the covers off. Give me a little credit.” He turned away from her to walk out of her bedroom. As he crossed the threshold, he paused with his hand on the door jamb. He glanced over his left shoulder as he said, “You have 15 minutes. I’ll be in here waiting for you.”

Nesta really contemplated throwing a full-scale temper tantrum by throwing herself under the covers and refusing to get up. A deep rumble in her stomach ultimately made her decide against it, so she stood up and padded over to her closet. She selected her favorite pair of jeggings, silently thanking the Cauldron that she had worn them once already so that they were perfectly stretched. She grabbed a sports bra and a long-sleeved tunic, put on some casual sneakers, and walked over to her bathroom to finish getting ready.

She wasn’t one for much makeup anyway, so she opted to wash her face, moisturize, and apply a little mascara. She brushed her teeth, applied a generous layer of chapstick, and quickly French-braided her hair down the center of her back. She glanced down at her phone; 12 minutes. Suck on that, Azriel.

She walked out of her bedroom, down the hallway, and found Azriel perched on the arm of her sofa, scrolling through his phone. Sensing her approach, he locked his phone and stood.

“All ready?” He grabbed his keys from his front pocket.

“Sure. Whenever you are.” She looked around for her small purse and grabbed it off of the coffee table. “Wait... did you clean up in here?”

She knew there was something different when she walked in, but it had taken her a minute to realize what. Gone were the take out containers from her countertops and coffee table. All the various cups she had left all over her apartment were nowhere to be seen, and her blankets were folded neatly in a stack.

Azriel cleared his throat and looked around. “Not really. I noticed your trash can was full when I threw my gum away, and I thought it would be pointless to bring it out and not get everything.”

She bit her cheek to stop her smile at his sheepishness. He had always been a good friend to her, but she knew he preferred when it went under the radar. No one blushed faster or got more awkward than Azriel on the receiving end of appreciation or a compliment.

“Ah. I see. And I guess the blankets folded themselves, then. Or did you need to fold them to ‘get everything?’”

“Nes, you know I cleaned up in here, so can we go already?” He was already turning toward her door, flustered and mildly irritated with her teasing. She gripped his bicep to turn him around before he made it outside.

“I’m sorry, Az. You’re a wonderful friend, and I don’t deserve you. Let’s go have some brunch and forget it, ok?”

He gave her a sideways smile and playfully shoved her shoulder. “Fine. But next time, you’re walking.”

———-

The drive over to the small cafe was short, so the pair sat in comfortable silence on the way. Upon arriving, Azriel found a small table in the corner of the patio, instructed her to sit, and walked inside to place their order. When he returned, he was holding a mug of coffee for Nesta and a mug of earl grey tea for himself.

“The food should come out in about 10-15 minutes. I couldn’t remember how you take your coffee exactly, so I just brought you a ton of shit.” He wasn’t exaggerating. He placed a handful of different creamers and sweeteners in the center of the table.

Nesta gave a small chuckle at his gesture, noting that it felt good to laugh for the first time in days. She couldn’t help but feel grateful that it was Azriel who had pulled her out of bed this morning, if it had to be anyone. They were more alike than most would assume, and they had made very fast friends all those years ago. She loved the purity of their relationship, built on years of trust and mutual respect, but never crossing beyond anything other than platonic. Cassian had always joked about being “outnumbered” around the two of them, commenting on their likeness and how he managed to find kindred spirits as his best friends.

The thought of him elicited a slight pang in her stomach, and she quickly shoved it down. She was pulled from her thoughts by Azriel’s voice.

“So. You want to talk about what’s going on?”

”Gods, Azriel. I haven’t even gotten the caffeine in my system.”

He took a sip of his tea, only breaking eye contact to blow gently on the hot liquid. He regained eye contact as he set his mug back down.

“We haven’t heard anything genuine from you in a week. Forgive us for being a little worried. I’m assuming it has something to do with Cassian?”

As she suspected, hearing his name struck a nerve and caused a certain heaviness in her chest. She felt herself becoming defensive, and even though her logical mind knew it had nothing to do with Az, she was snapping at him before she realized it was happening.

“Why is everyone acting like I’m off the deep end?! Maybe I’ve just been busy for a week. Cauldron forbid if I take some time for my damn self. And why the fuck would you immediately jump to him? As if my life doesn’t exist beyond all of you? And beyond him?” She felt herself flush out of anger. Or embarrassment. Who the hell knew anymore?

Azriel seemed almost entirely unaffected by her verbal lashing. He took a couple of seconds, leaned forward with his forearms on the table, and clasped his hands in front of him. He looked at her intensely, and she knew she was not going to get anything sugarcoated in this conversation.

“Need I remind you that I know both of you like the back of my hand? I’m not shooting in the dark here. You’ve been essentially MIA for a week, and that timespan directly correlates with Cassian being an absolute terror to be around. The odds of that being a coincidence are incredibly low. So, Nes, I’ll ask you to please cut the shit.” He voice remained even and steady. There was no true malice in his words, just the bluntness that exists between two close friends. He picked up his mug, leaned back in his chair, and waited.

Nesta’s posture softened slightly as she rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and middle finger. She let out a long breath and looked up to meet Azriel’s gaze again.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. And I should also realize by now that you notice fucking everything.”

He merely nodded, acknowledging her apology and prompting her to continue with one simple gesture. She blew out another breath, preparing herself to explain everything. In the meantime, their food arrived, so she waited until the waiter walked away before beginning her story. She told him everything, even the uncomfortable details. Cassian’s confession. Her reaction. His anger. Her anger. The devastation on his face. As much as she could remember of their interaction. And finally, the words she couldn’t stop replaying in her mind. This time, it’s on you.

He listened intently, only offering small nods or slight facial expressions during the more intense parts of their conversation. Once she was finished, he let out a long whistle and said, “Damn, Nesta. You’re officially the most savage of the Archerons.”

“I’m sorry... what?”

“I’m not saying that to be insulting. I just meant that you kind of handed him his ass there.”

Nesta started at him, urging him to elaborate before she felt inclined to jump down his throat again. He picked up on her prompting and continued.

“Well, to be fair, Cassian’s full of it. The fact that he thought he was going to be able to sleep with you and continue being friends is short-sighted at best. Can’t blame him for trying, but considering how long he’s been in love with you, he was setting himself up for failure there.”

Now, she was gawking at him. How was he being so nonchalant about this bombshell? How long had Cassian been in love with her? And why the hell had he waited until now to say a damn word about it?

”How long, Azriel?” Her voice was so quiet that she wasn’t sure that he’d even heard her.

It was his turn to look surprised. “Are you telling me you didn’t know? Anyone within a mile of the two of you could have seen it.”

She shook her head, realizing she didn’t think she could handle the direction of this conversation. “Never mind. Regardless, we had an agreement that our friendship was too important to risk on anything serious and that it was supposed to remain purely casual. It’s done now. It’s not like it matters.”

A few seconds passed before she glanced up at Azriel. His brow was furrowed, conflicted with what he was going to say next.

”What? Just tell me.”

“Don’t you think that’s kind of bullshit, Nes? I get that you both agreed on those terms, but I think it’s kind of fucked overall. You’re telling me that the potential of a relationship wasn’t worth the risk but casual sex was worth it? That doesn’t make sense.”

She breathed sharply out of her nose before she responded. “Had the agreement been honored, we could have enjoyed our time together, and we could have stopped once life events called for it. If one of us started dating someone... if one of us moved... things like that. It’s fairly straightforward.” She wasn’t trying to hide the bite behind her words, but he still didn’t seem offended. She tried not to find his level-headedness infuriating, but her patience was thinning by the second. To her surprise, his composure slipped a little.

”And how did you think that was going to play out? You both would shake hands, go your own ways, and continue to hang out with each other as before? You would have been totally fine with Cassian dating another woman? And do you really think Cassian would be a-okay with sitting in the front row at your wedding one day? Has it ever occurred to you that you two always dislike anyone that the other dates? No one ever loves Cassian the right way. No one ever makes Nesta happy enough. Why do you think that—“

”Alright, alright! I get it.“ She held her hands up in supplication. “The fact remains, though, that it’s over. It’s done. We screwed up, and it cost me my best friend. We’ll never be the same.” She felt her eyes brimming with tears.

She was vaguely aware of Azriel apologizing for his outburst and suggesting that they head back. She forced a nod, stood up from her chair, and walked to his car. Once inside and buckled, he turned to her.

”Hey. I really am sorry.”

”Don’t apologize. You were being honest with me, which is something I’ve always valued so much in you. Don’t go soft on me now.” She managed the smallest of smiles.

“Deal. But the same goes for you. Our mutual honesty has saved us a lot of trouble over the years. Makes our friendship easy.”

”You’re right. Why couldn’t it have been us to fall in love?” She huffed a laugh, making sure he knew her comment was in jest. She turned to look at him as he finished backing out of their parking spot.

Azriel hit his brakes a little harder than usual at her words. He chuckled, turning to look at her with a small smile. “What good would that do us? What would we do for fun? Brood?”

Nesta laughed, truly laughed, at the truth in his words. Azriel made a wonderful friend to her, but there would be very little personal growth within their hypothetical relationship. She smiled at him, squeezed his forearm briefly, and said, “Fair enough. I guess we wouldn’t push each other to grow all that much.”

He continued to drive, eyes straight ahead. He still wore signs of amusement on his face, but his tone turned a little more serious. “No. We wouldn’t. I think that’s why Cassian has always been a great balance for people like us. We get way too comfortable in the dark.”

”Mmm. People like Cassian, for sure. Maybe people like Elain, too?” She gave him a knowing smile.

He pulled up in the driveway and placed the car in park before looking at her. She could see the faint blush on his cheeks at the mention of her sister, but she wouldn’t push him. She knew he was smitten with Elain and had been for some time. She hadn’t spoken to him plainly about it, but she could tell by the way they interacted that they were a matter of time. Inevitable, even.

“We’re not talking about me today. Only you.”

She giggled at his deflection. “Thank you again for today. I needed the coffee, the waffles, the venting, and the swift kick in the ass.”

”Of course. Speaking of Ellie, what’s your plan for her birthday party next weekend? You know Cass will be there.”

“Oh, man. I think I blocked that out.” She opened the door, stepped out of the car, and peered down at him before adding, ”That, my friend, is something I will have to play by ear.”

——————————————————————————-

A/N: Sorry for no Nessian interaction this time, but I just love the idea of a Nesta x Azriel brotp. I couldn’t help myself. Nessian interaction to come, I promise!

Tags are below! If you’d like to be tagged in future parts, you can comment, reblog, or message me!

@polireader // @lord-douglas-the-third // @justgiu12 // @notyournymphetish // @sjm-things // @strangeenemy

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 11 reactions; the ‘the sea is a harsh mistress’ edition

- on first watch this wasn’t really one of my favorite episodes. I think it’s something to do with... one of the many things I love about the mandalorian is how it made the star wars universe feel HUGE. big and surprising and unknowable, there could be fucking anything out there man we don’t know. so having first bo katan show up and then ahsoka being set up right after (quite aside from who’s rumoured to play her, which is an entirely different can of wormy beans) in additon to opening the season on tatooine... eh. I’m not that into it, it feels like shrinking the world. we haven’t even gotten to see any other type of force user yet. it is only early/mid season tho so they’re probably going to pull some unexpected twists on us 

my opinion might change with rewatches too, that happens quite a bit with this show!

- 

🎶I’VE COME TO TALK WITH YOU AGAIN🎶

honestly I had kind of a hard day yesterday and watched this the next morning and kept pointing tiredly to the crest like ‘it me tho’ 

- I was unreasonably happy about seeing the calamari flan again hahaha he’s been keeping that shit in his pockets for a season and a half now (didn’t he pay with some at one other point too?)! also the sound effects for them are SO EXCELLENT, I keep thinking about how well this show does texture which is wild considering how it’s filmed 

- the warm pat din gave frog lady’s arm when he thanked her and said goodbye 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I love the small ways he’s thawing 

-

my heart ached so much for him at this point, he just looks so small and tense and lost, like a kid who’s lost his parents in a supermarket

(he keeps his hand on the blaster the whole time too so he knows this is a bad scene but now they’re right out in the middle of the ocean already soooo) 

- din’s very very very dry sense of humour is so blessed. ‘a bowl of chowder for my friend’ faklhfsadkjlfhsadkjhfsd

the baby’s look when he poked the squid thing with his knife too -- yodito’s like ‘dad is a wizard??’ haha. some good baby & dad stuff in this one 

- oh din... side quest boy, side quest booooooyyy

- the shot when bo katan helped him out of the water is perfectly mirroring the scene of bb!din being pulled up to safety by the mandalorian in the flashback, which seems Very Intentional

I Extremely Do Not Trust Her in the larger scale tho. I think it’s important that din knows now that he was raised in a very specific offshoot of the mandalorians ant that there’s some Stuff he hasn’t been told, but I also think it’s crucial to remember that her pov is not unbiased either and she, in fact, already has an established tendency to selectively share information with him to manipulate him into fulfilling her goals. (which he realizes because he keeps saying ‘that is not my mission, my mission is the child’ and I could not love him more). hell, I’m not sure exactly how ‘the children of the watch’ were positioned within death watch, but she was fucking death watch too for the longest time! and she hardly left for particularly noble reasons, she just didn’t like maul! she already lost mandalore like twice, do we just have to trust that third time’s the charm or what! 

she lied to him about the scope of the mission to force him into a position to do what she wanted (fully knowing he’s responsible for a child!!) and she called that ‘the way’ just as easily as the thing about not letting his bravery be forgotten! big red warning lights, NO! I think the thing is that din is having to find his own ‘way’ of being mandalorian (/how does one be a person exactly help?? relatable content, and he’ll get there in the end I’m sure he’s so good), but her way is no less fucked up to me than the children of the watch from what we’ve seen so far. she’s good at killing imperials though which is of course a mark in her favour

(considering that the episode gives her the epithet ‘the heiress’... yeah that’s probably a hint that she’s loyal first and foremost to her entitlement, getting the position she considers hers by right of inheritance. guess we’ll see if the text agrees with her)  

- ‘mandalorians are stronger together’ yeah that’s probably why the cosmic balance makes sure they’re mostly engaged in being at each other’s throats lol 

- so I might be feeling kind of sketch about these guys but on the other hand... when that one lady saved the baby and then promptly took off her helmet to reveal she looks like t h i s ?

you better BELIEVE I was ready to fall down on one knee and propose right then and there holy shit

- ...wow if he didn’t have the jet pack din probably would have just sunk like a rock and drowned there huh 😨 that armour’s pretty heavy, turns out

- in happier news: din has become so good at reading what the child is expressing and responding/labeling the feeling for him! that’s so important to his development! ‘I know you’re hungry’ and both telling and showing him there’s a solution! still a bit of an issue that he thinks he can inform the baby of things like it’s a reasoned adult and have it understand, but we’re getting there we’re getting there lol

- that poor lady guiding them in for landing and sounding more and more worried fhkasjdlhfkjsdlahf (and he fucking TURNS OFF THE RADIO or whatever he’s using to talk to her through sdkfhaksdfhjs he takes a precious split second just to cut her off asfdjhaslkdfsdfhsda I love my salty dad) 

- when the fisherman asshole tells mando he knows where to find more of his people there’s the tinkling bell sound in the background music, I think it’s meant to convey almost childlike longing for belonging and connection, for finding someone who’ll know what to do? 

- when they took off their helmets and baby looked up at din like ‘???dad what the fuck? can you do that???’. (or like he just sensed his father taking a shitload of psychic damage all in one go)

- the way din didn’t start breathing again until they got the baby up from the water and he had him in his arms... the way he held him... sladfhasdklfhsjakdhfjsakldhfsakjldhfsjkadhfjaskdhfskajdhfjsdakhfslakhfskladhfsakljdhfjskadlhfkjsld

that whole scene was like a nightmare, so desperately unpleasant, in a way it mirrors the way the mandalorians have been hunted down and pummeled these last few generations, this must sort of be what it feels like to him subconsciously 

- din isn’t particularly inflexible as a person, after the initial kneejerk rejection he did listen to what they said and is carefully considering it (he did say ‘this is the way’ back at the end!)   

- the baby’s babbling when he wakes up and looks around in the beginning sounds half like ‘baba?’ and I almost had a heart attack

- loved how greasy and awful and dumb all the empire dudes were (and the comedy on board the ship too it was good for me) 

- the boob plates huh. shit they’ve shown with the armorer that they don’t have to do that in any way shape or form and they still brought the boob plates back :/ I guess it’s so they match up with the rebels/clone wars look, evoking that ~*era*~ and everything, but I don’t have to like it lol  

- I feel so validated in my theory that the razor crest is symbolic of din’s sense of self  (now with beautifully added commentary!) after this haha (and also so so scared now they might be ditching it for a new ship eventually). it’s in pieces, his world view is going to pieces and can’t be patched together the way it was before, from what he knows he’s about to deliver the baby to someone else who’ll understand/love/deserve him better (I do think that feeling is still in him) and he doesn’t even have the certainty of the code anymore to fill the void. oh buddy. 

the discomfort I felt when we got back into the cockpit -- into where it’s supposed to be familiar and safe! -- and saw all the ocean junk lying around, making it feel weird and changed and dirty (it probably smells like rotten seaweed in there now :( no likey)... I mean it was also very funny to see the pilot’s chair held together with a literal fishing net, but please favreau leave my dad’s car/ego alooooone 

- baby laughing his little bum off at din catching the small sea monster before it got him and then munching it......... the ‘there’s nothing in this world my dad can’t fix’ safe energy.......... I’m so scared we’re coming up on something din can’t fix 

- knitwear in star wars: I didn’t know I wanted it, but I am ELATED with having been given it

- moff gideon’s amazing evil voice... back in our ears, in our hearts, I gleefully hate him 

- at least din’s armour is clean again after that (awful) swim? one must appreciate some silver linings along the way I suppose

- din goes straight for the main pilot’s seat once they get the imperial out of it, so he must feel really secure that he’s probably the best man for the job; he is genuinely a good pilot! (and after this I am wondering even MORE who taught him. who raised you within the mandos din??)

- even while everything is new and scary and falling apart we can live safe in the knowledge that at least frog lady and frog husband had a good day and will have a good and happy frog life together with their frog children

couple goals tbh 

(I don’t necessarily know how it works for frog people but I uh. guess they got busy quickly huh hahaha good thing mando didn’t turn up again until later)

[mics59]

Gregory Edgeworth week bonus round: all the notes that didn't make the final cut

This goes to @digitalstowaway for organizing this amazing event and to my 3 friends (@naturallyahoe @bleach-and-a-blowtorch @an-android-child ) for being there and helping me with everything.

Fun fact: the name of the doc this was written on is "Random notes for dilf week"

General notes:

-----------------

Can I add a reference to "To kill a mockingbird"? Will I manage to do it?

"There's a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep 'em all away from you. That's never possible."

Write here all the funny lines that don't make the final cut, i beg of you

Day 1 - Pin-Up

----------------

Miles finding The Calendar™

Franziska finds it first, sends it to the prosecutor's office

Someone sees him crying there, he just shows The Calendar™ to them

He goes home, phoenix sees the calendar and comments on how hot Mr Gregory was, miles cries

Day 2 - Flowers

------------------

The fucking attorney badge

Really small miles asking daddy about the badge

Notes:

The design of the badge is of a sunflower with the scales of justice in the center and is based upon the real badges worn by defense attorneys in Japan. Sunflowers are seen to symbolize freedom and justice owing to their habit of always facing the sun.

WAIT, MILES IN T&T REMEMBERING HIS DAD'S WORDS

Ryunosuke: ....am I living up to your expectations? Am I turning out to be the lawyer you believed I could be?

Day 3 - Summer

-------------------

✨It's another day of sun✨

Them having an ice cream together, something bad happens, Daddy consoles baby

THEN MILES DOING THE SAME TO TRUCY

Climb these hills

I'm reaching for the heights

And chasing all the lights that shine (lights that shine)

And when they let you down (it's another day of)

You'll get up off the ground (it's another day of)

'Cause morning rolls around

And it's another day of sun

“Things are never as bad as they seem.”

"With him, life was routine; without him, life was unbearable.”

Day 4 - Dessert

------------------

Daddy and kid having an ice cream?

Baby is sick and daddy makes him something sweet and nice :)

Then Edgeworth getting sick, phoenix taking care of him and he says "my dad used to do that"

Day 5 - Cozy

---------------

AWWW BABY AND DADDY WATCHING A FILM

+ Bonus points: Beauty and the beast

+ + More bonus points: PHOENIX

Wait! Phoenix and Miles finding a VHS tape of batb and miles reminiscing of when he and daddy watched it.

+Bonus points: phoenix and Edgeworth watch it

Day 6 - Pretend

-------------------

I seriously don't know.

Gregory using puppets to entertain Miles????

WAIT, MOCK TRIAL

MOCK TRIAL GREGORY AND MILES

THE BABY PRETENDING TO BE A LAWYER!!!!!!!!!!

THE KIDS DOING A MOCK TRIAL AND GREG OVERSEEING

Day 7 - Edgy

---------------

First of all you dumb fuck: Edgy is a synonym for nervous it doesn't mean it's like a fucking edge/corner

This one is begging for baby Miles

Hehehe baby sneaking into daddy's bed to sleep because ✨nightmare✨

Hehehe what if later I add the same happening with VK, or would that be too cruel???

There's always the fluffier option of doing it with Phoenix...

How cruel do I want to be...

------------------------------------------

Cruel version of the second scene of day 7:

Edgeworth woke up with a shout. He seated up in bed and tried not to make any sound while crying, if sir heard he would probably get scolded for making a racket this late and he didn't want to get in trouble. It had been the same nightmare again, the elevator one. Tears fell silently from his eyes, breath harsh and fast. The prospect of getting caught crying made him calm down fast, not wanting to be seen this way. Now he was calm, but unable to sleep. He ended getting up and studying. Franziska found him next morning sleeping on the desk, over his books. She told no one about this, having heard her brother last night crying and not wanting Manfred to know what happened to her brother late at night, fearing that he would get reprimanded if she spoke up.

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (1997): Hell Revealed

In the fourth map called The Garden Terminal, at one point, you telefrag the first Baron of Hell of this WAD.

Let this picture be a warning for all of you, of what’s coming. The last call, to turn back from the suffering and insanity that is…

#7: Hell Revealed

Main author(s): Yonatan Donner and Haggay Niv

Release date: May 2nd, 1997

Version(s) played: ?!?!?!

Levels: 32 (standard 30 + 2)

Hell Revealed. The ball crusher. The nightmare incarnate. The fiendish creation that would make Hitler kill himself again like dozens of times if he saw who made this (which is a good thing if you think about it.) Why am I talking like this about the WAD you may ask?

Well, it’s because I played it years ago. It was one of the first custom WADs I’ve ever played if not THE first. I saw Decino’s playlists of this WAD and thought: Why not? I’d downloaded it, I played it… and I got my ass handed to the modern (by that time), Israeli mayhem. I was still a noob back then, I didn’t properly know how to use weapons at 100% efficiency, about in-fighting, proper circle-strafing, etc. I didn’t even finish it. I managed to pass through Afterlife and then I just gave up… or forgot about it, and didn’t want to return. Even today I feel dread thinking about playing it again. Post Mortem can traumatize men like me. But I am not the same, naïve, little twat I was before. I got some experience after playing the earlier, reviewed WADs, and I’m confident that I’ll beat this WAD…

Twice…

gulp

Maybe let’s start with the story, okay?

So the story is that you end up as a guinea pig for two WAD nutcases (who might be the actual WAD’s creators). Your task is to find out what the fuck you are supposed to do and send the complaint letter after escaping through this shithole (I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just a drawing of a middle finger).

Rarely do I speak out my opinion about the plot in WADs since I know they are just the excuse for the incoming mayhem. In this case, while still an excuse, the story here is very self-aware of itself, even insulting you for wanting more of it. It’s kinda funny, and I like where it was all going. It would be better if the intermission texts were also changed but I’ll give the makers the pass. I mean, come on, they were teens when they published Hell Revealed. I’m serious, take a look at the fragment of this comment under MtPain27’s Dean of Doom of this WAD:

At first, Hell Revealed won’t look that interesting. It will look like yet another generic, Vanilla WAD most of the time in the first eleven maps. After that, however, it only gets better. Sure, the maps look simple but there is something enchanting in their simplicity and scale sometimes. And I can see why it was made like this. This WAD cares more about combat rather than how it looks. Some of the maps like City in the Clouds, Hard Attack, and especially Afterlife, leave the feeling and thinking on what the creators would have done if they were still making WADs to this day.

If some of you are wondering why the first eleven maps look worse than the rest is because they (minus MAP01) were released almost a year before the full release, on June 24th, ’96.

If you played Hell Revealed, you know that it uses music from Rise of the Triad. And yes, it’s fucking amazing. Asides from Going Down the Fast Way (which is the only choice to be on the top), my favorite tracks were Run Like Smeg, Havana Smooth and I Choose the Stairs to name a few from the roster that was available in this WAD.

Another fun fact: The tracks Oww! and How'd I Do? does not translate through the MIDI conversion correctly because of the usage of pitch bend effects from what I’ve gathered.

The levels are easy to understand most of the time. They are either small or large but surprisingly, when there is no monsters option enabled, it’s really fast to finish them. Some of them try to end up differently than going from point A to point B. Some are more unlinear than others. Some of them can be tiring like the secret levels (slow-ass moving elevator in The Descent and waiting to die at the very end of Mostly Harmful).

The final level is meh. Yet another Icon of Sin finale but with a shit-ton of monsters and the wall shitting out four cubes instead of one. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy… -_-

Now here is something interesting. At the very beginning of Everything Dies, you are trapped with Pain Elementals (three on Hurt Me Plenty) but they can’t spawn Lost Souls. That’s because of a Lost Souls limit coded in the original Doom, where their amount cannot be higher than 21 or else Pain Elementals won’t be spawning them. In this case, the meatballs won’t do shit unless you grab the Megasphere in the middle of the room  There is something relaxing in punching them to death. Or using Chainsaw.

Okay, let’s change the subject. I think you already know that Hell Revealed’s difficulty is legendary hard. If there are people who say Plutonia is the hardest, tie them into a chair, and make them play this WAD on Ultra-Violence. When they are done, ask them about Plutonia again.

…

Okay, maybe better not do tha-

Now look, even on Hurt Me Plenty, this WAD kicks major ass. It kicked my ass many times on my two full playthroughs even after all of the experience I gained, especially on the second one surprisingly (probably bad luck) but I would be lying if I didn’t say that I had easier than that first time years ago. Playing this WAD, you have to remember a few things:

1) Kill a group of mid to high-tier enemies with the Rocket Launcher, finish individuals with Super Shotgun.

2) Stack up plasma for Cyberdemons. Hit them with five BFG blasts if you have the weapon. Finish them off with other weapons if they are still standing.

3) Remember, that you don’t have to kill all enemies on a map.

It feels to me that the makers' love towards Barons of Hell is closer to a fact rather than a thought. I’ve counted them, believe it or not, and it seems that there are almost 450 Barons on Hurt Me Plenty. What’s that? You think that’s bad? Well, on Ultra-Violence, from what I’ve found, the sheer number of Barons goes up to 592!

FfffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!!!

The opinion on these slabs of meat might differentiate depending on what skill level you will play and if you decide to Pistol Start every map. In my case, I was playing on Hurt Me Plenty (of course) without Pistol Starting, so it didn’t feel so sluggish killing Barons. On the other hand, though, I think it would be better if there were more Hell Knights than Barons to somewhat make the pace better.

If I had to choose which map is the hardest it would probably be Post Mortem. The sheer brutality of the beginning with Revenants, following by Mancubi respawning from the platforms, to the fucking Pain Elementals throwing all of your logic out of the window, not to mention how it’s all high platforms with hurtful blood at the bottom. Even the creator says it’s the hardest one.

As for the rest of the very tough maps, I would go with Resistance is Futile, Ascending to the Stars (50% for the wrong reasons), both Secret maps (Mostly Harmful especially), and Afterlife (that bloody marble arena). The rest of the maps after the first third of a WAD were hard but manageable.

You know what’s the funniest thing about Hell Revealed? Ignoring MAP30, the rest of the maps after Afterlife were easy compared to the barrage I’ve encountered before. AND I ENDED MY FIRST-EVER PLAYTHROUGH WHEN I REACHED CYBERPUNK!!

It would be funnier if it didn’t piss me off.

Now here is something interesting about the bugs in Hell Revealed. Afterlife purposefully uses the ghost monsters bug in one of the cases where hidden Arch-Viles resurrect carcasses in the hub area to make the already insanely hard map even harder. For some reason though, unfortunately (or rather in my case, fortunately), it didn’t happen, and I had this bug enabled. What’s even weirder is that it actually happened at my very first playthrough… I don’t even know anymore.

Coming back to Post Mortem, if you play this level on Ultra-Violence in the Vanilla version of Doom, you won’t be able to save because of the map being too fucking big. I feel sorry for the schmucks who played this WAD in 1997.

Do not be fooled by Hell Revealed. It may start pretty normal, but before you will notice, it will kick you in the nards and will keep doing it until you finish it. If you are however eager to play it, do me a favor, and don’t Pistol Start every map on Ultra-Violence. It will leave you traumatized. Finishing this WAD on Hurt Me Plenty will still make you feel proud. I think I felt some pride after going through this hell twice.

Will I ever return to this WAD? Oh, hell no! Twice is enough, and I don’t want to go through it again (at least for a very long time).

Before I’ll finish this review, I would like to recommend Decino’s let’s play on this WAD which kickstarted his carrier (the mad man actually did the thing and then some).

Secondly, there is the previously mentioned Dean of Doom review of this WAD where he did the same.

Phew

That was the last MegaWAD from ’97, and the toughest one I might add. Things can only get easier after that.

See you all next time.

Bye.

[revchainsaw]

Buffy: the Vampire Slayer (1997)

Season 1

Hello and Welcome back my creepy congregation! We will be taking todays service from the Big Screen into your living room for our first Personal Devotional. That's Right! We're reviewing full seasons of television series now and what better way to bring the spirit of the genre film to the idiots lantern that with the 90s Television sensation and all around love letter to the horror genre, Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

The Message

Regardless of how one may feel about Mr. Whedon we can't deny how much we love Buffy Summers and the Kids who live and die in Sunnydale! Season one of Buffy was a spin off/reboot of the earlier film and an attempt by Whedon to course correct the franchise by breathing a little charm and attention into the subject matter.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Season 1) focuses on Buffy Summers, a not so typical California high school student who, due to the events of the movie, has been relocated to Sunnydale High. Buffy is not just a cute, athletic, teenage girl looking to enjoy the prime of her life, though she is those things, she is also the Slayer, an anointed warrior who has been reincarnated throughout the generations to protect our vulnerable weak human world from the forces of evil; particularly Vampires. Buffy is a sort of supernatural Captain America, that is a peak human being, but instead of Nazi Science she was born with her powers.

Joining Buffy are; High School outcasts Willow and Xander (a nerd and a nice guy respectively), The ridiculously sexy librarian Rupert Giles (her mentor, guardian, high school librarian, and all around precious papa bear), Jenny Calendar (a technopagan computer teacher armed with all the mystery an ignorant 90s boomer could attribute to the internet), Angel (Spoiler: He's a Vampire, but he's a good guy. A hunky, broody, good guy vampire love interest), and her loving but entirely oblivious mother. The Scoobies as they have come to be called aid Buffy in her quest to protect Sunnydale from Dark Forces.

And Speaking of those Dark Forces, they are primarily vampires, led by the Master; an ancient vampire who resembles to some degree Nosferatu and a Bat, a look that Guillermo Del Toro would later perfect in his own series the Strain. The Master seeks to fulfill an ancient prophecy that would open the Hellmouth (a portal to hell, exactly what it sounds like) and free him in order that he and his kind should conquer the world.

The first season is fairly short consisting of the following adventures.

1. Welcome to the Hellmouth - Buffy moves to Sunnydale seeking to leave her Vampire ways behind, but the vampires just won't let her catch a break.

2. The Harvest - Vampire Shenanigans continues. Buffy learns of the Master.

3. Witch - A fellow Cheerleader is possessed by her witchy mom.

4. Teachers Pet - Buffy vs Giant Mantis

5. Never Kill a Boy on the First Date - Buffy vs the Anointed One (Not Really)

6. The Pack - Buffy vs Hyena Possessed High School Bullies

7. Angel - Buffy vs Angel but actually Darla

8. I, Robot ... you, Jane - Buffy vs Internet Demon

9. The Puppet Show - Buffy and Sid the Dummy vs Organ Harvesting Demon

10. Nightmares - Buffy has bad dreams

11. Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Buffy vs Invisible Nerd

12. Prophecy Girl - Buffy vs The Master (also Buffy Dies)

Overall the short season, while not allowing for too much world building, kept the show to a format that allowed very little filler. So although we mostly only get vampires as villains, we don't have enough time to really be bored of it. Some of the shows dynamics and cultural concerns definitely date the series but overall Season 1 of Buffy is definitely not a difficult watch, and can be enjoyed over and over again.

Let's get to the Benediction:

Best Character: Slay Girl, Slay!

As far as season one goes the titular Buffy Summers is the best character. Sarah Michelle Gellar is absolutely charismatic in the lead role and though at times she may seem selfish or reckless it makes perfect sense for the character. The character is allowed to be weak, to be selfish, and to be unlikeable. She avoids the foibles of a Luke Skywalker or a Harry Potter. She joins the ranks of primary protagonists who are not constantly outshined by their supporting cast. I believe when Buffy is sad, I believe when she throws a punch, I believe she struggles with her destiny. The only thing I don't believe is how ditsy she let's on.

Best Actor: Head's Up!

Anthony Stewart Head. Head as Giles is just fantastic. His balance of frustration with Buffy and genuinely parental concern is heartwarming and absolutely makes Giles one of the warmest father figures in television history.

Best Episode: A 'Master'ful Finale

It all builds up to Prophecy Girl and for good reason. Television shows often have mini-finale's at the end of their first seasons because the teams behind the series are not sure they will have a chance to tell more of their story. For that reason you can see just the first season of most television series and feel like you've heard the whole deal. I wish this habit was kept up in other seasons as we wouldn't still be wondering what the hell happened to Joel at the end of the Santa Clarita Diet. Buffy is no exception to this phenomenon and therefor attempted to tie up much of it's narrative in Prophecy Girl. While that often means big bads will be dispatched, I think it's a small price to pay for not winding up in a cliff hanger. Buffy and Giles just shine in this episode, Angel is given a more heroic role, Willow finally values herself as she should and Xander stops being a fucking horrible human being for once. This episode really satisfies in all areas.

Best Villain: Sweet, Sweetheart Killer

It's such a shame that Darla was killed so early on in the franchise. She is such a great presence on the screen that she overshadows all the villains that play alongside her, even the Master. I would have loved to have seen an alternate season where she offs the old coot and assumes the role of big bad much like Spike does in Season 2. Lucky for everyone that Darla is featured throughout the show in flashbacks and I hear she is even resurrected in Angel. Also, for Scott Pilgrim fans I feel like she and Envy Adams are very much sympatico. Maybe if they reboot Buffy all my dreams will come true.

I'd also like to take this time to recommend the song Angels and Darlas by Say Hi! It's pretty good.

Best Monster Design: Internet Troll!

While I can't speak for where the money in Season 1 of Buffy went, I can say that at least some decent cash was spent on both the forms of Moloch the Corruptor from the Episode "I, Robot ... You, Jane". Moloch was pretty wicked looking as a machine toward the end of the episode, he looked like a Mortal Kombat villain, but it's the green scales and ram horns the actor is sporting at the beginning of the episode that really catches the eye. In fact, I'm feeling compelled to hunt down any Moloch the Corruptor merch that may be out there on the internet. It's certainly no mystery why the demon's face is featured prominently in the theme song. It just looks great! Good job to the make up department there.

Most WTF moment: "Pack"s a Punch on Principle

While not the greatest episode in season one "the Pack" is certainly worth the watch if for no other reason than the horror is kicked up when a group of high school students under the influence of a malevolent Hyena God, decide that the School Mascot is not enough to satisfy their bloodlust turn on the principal, and yes, THEY EAT HIM. I remember being completely caught of guard the first time I saw that scene, and it kickstarted the running gag of Sunnydale high principles meeting their demise in horrific ways.

Worst Character: No More Mr. Nice Guy

When I was in college I often felt bad for Xander. The funny guy who just had no luck with women. He was sarcastic but had a big heart, and used a horny gimmick to mask his loneliness, or so I thought. But now I am older, I am wiser, I have known the touch of another human being and I have to say that Xander Harris is a really scummy fellow. I don't remember thinking so poorly and I wonder if the character develops a more nuanced view of women as the show goes on. As it stands there's barely a point in the series that Xander does not view the female cast as objects for him to enjoy or be embittered towards for one reason or another. It's not charming, it's foul. Xander Harris of season one is absolutely a terrorist attack waiting to happen, if Buffy had happened today it would be much more concerning to see someone so embittered, horny, and entitled to womens time and energy as Xander Harris. Dude is one step away from pulling an Elliot Rogers. Calm down buddy and maybe actually listen to a woman and you may find you aren't as much of a 'nice guy' as you think.

Worst Episode(s): If you're not first ...

It's a toss up on this one. Season One of Buffy is actually so short and concise that the 'Monster of the Week' episodes will have to be up for grabs as the worst episode by default, but even they are pretty watchable and don't warrant the vitriol a "worst" dub usually entails. I'd say there is not a worst episode of season one, just some episodes that aren't as good as the rest. In that vain, take your pick from "Witch", "Out of Mind, Out of Sight", or "The Puppet Show". However, I'd be doing a disservice to those episodes not to mention that each one of them takes what could just be a basic Buffy Vs (insert Villain), and does something unique and interesting with the idea. The villain of "Witch" actually turns out to be a has been cheerleader actually possessing the body of her innocent daughter to relive her glory years, The Invisible Girl is actually the victim of social cruelty, her peers disinterest in her manifesting in her condition becoming quite literal and she is picked up by the military in the end, then the Puppet show, well, it's just about the stupidest most absurd thing that could possibly happen and it's completely unafraid of that fact.

Summary:

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Season 1) is not the most groundbreaking TV, but it is absolutely evident why the show was such a phenomenon. Season 1 is particularly rewatchable. It does not demand too much investment or attention, but it will get it from you, especially on a first viewing. It's not afraid to take itself absolutely seriously or to plant it's tongue firmly in it's cheeks. It is to a degree a product of it's time, but in many other aspects feels timeless.

Overall Grade: B

[oceanic-finn]

Task: Development

Describe your character in a few words. Funny, amazing, the best -- Finn’s words. I would say charming, friendly, loyal

What do you know about your character that they don’t know yet? Finn is 100% unaware that he’s a big doofus, and he thinks he’s an absolute catch.

What are your character’s major flaws? Generally just being a bit of an idiot, not really thinking before he acts, and being overly cautious about certain things.

What would your character give their life for? Noel, Wyatt, Mira, Briar. They’re his absolute world, and Finn would die to protect any of them. @absentialucis @wyatt-thompson @obscuritas-est-lux 

What is your character’s greatest asset? His charming smile? His bluest of blue eyes? His very small ego? It would probably be how caring he is, when ti comes to any living thing, human or animal. 

What would completely break your character? Noel died and he’d never felt anything like that before, like the world was collapsing in on him. The loss of someone he is so close to... no pain will ever be as bad as that. 

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project? Finn likes to portray that he’s a ladies man, that everyone wants him when really he’s just a bit of an idiot and everyone just sort of goes, ‘Oh, it’s only Finn’ 

What is your character afraid of? Now don’t laugh, but he’s very very afraid of jellyfish. He’s a son of Poseidon who hates a sea creature, but absolutely no-one knows. 

Where would your character fall on a politeness/rudeness scale? I’d say he’s definitely an 8 in the politeness range - he’s a nice guy after all!

If your character could choose a different identity, who would they pick? Finn wants to be Batman. Who cares if he’s real or not, he wants to ride around in the Batmobile, wear cape and speak with a really deep voice. 

In what or whom is your character’s greatest faith in? His family, of course. Finn has faith in them all 100%, that no matter what happens they will always have each others back. 

What was the best thing in your character’s life? His friendship with his brother, was always a massive highlight of his childhood. He always had someone to rely on, before Wyatt came around of course that was his best friend. 

What was the worst thing in your character’s life? His mother. Lilith is... a challenge. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

What is a favorite flavor or smell of your character?  The sea air, the smell of seaweed, it all makes Finn feel safe and at peace. 

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character? Finn in uncontrollable laughter “NOEL BEING STUCK IN THE TREE... THE CAT... ”

What is your character’s secret wish? To get away from Icaria, although it’s not a secret to some people. He wants to get those he cares about away from this evil place, and somewhere much safer where gods won’t appear and smite people during charity events.

What is your character’s greatest achievement? Becoming a veterinarian - people doubted him because of his party boy attitude, but he was able to pass his exams with flying colours.

What is your character’s deepest regret? Not being there when Noel died to stop it from happening, and not being there to stop Briar from being kidnapped. It makes him sick to know that these things happened, and he wasn’t there to at least try and stop it from happening. 

What is your character’s deepest disappointment? Being a Thompson by name. It means he’s affiliated to Lilith and Morgana, which he’d rather not. 

What is your character reluctant to tell people? That he’s terrified of jellyfish? That he’s also thirty years old and is getting past the point where he wants to be out at 3am dancing, but he’ll still do it to keep up pretences. 

What is your character hiding from themselves? That he’s not 23 any more and has to slow down. He also wants to play it cool with Briar, but inside he really just wants to tell her that he loves her, and wants her to move in with him.

What makes this character angry? What calms them? People fucking with his family. Don’t do it. Just... don’t. Noel is probably the only person on the island who can calm him down when he’s that heated, because he knows him so well. 

List situations in which your character would not have control over themselves. Anything happening to his family, his friends, his girlfriend or his practice. If someone challenged his intelligence as well because of his personality, that would rile him up. 

How strong is your character’s emotions? Controllable? Uncontrollable? They’re quite uncontrollable at certain times, once he snaps, it’s hard for him to calm down. However, being a vet, he knows how to remain calm in stressful situations. Kinda. Well, no, actually, that’s a lie. That only works with animals and surgery. He’s a very unstable person. 

What wakes your character up in the middle of the night? Briar stealing the duvet - he cannot sleep when he’s cold, he’s a bit of a moaner about it to be fair. He hates being cold when he’s sleeping. Other than that, he sleeps like a log. Someone could break in and he wouldn’t hear a thing. 

Describe a recurring dream and/or nightmare. The Jellyfish nightmare? Erm, no ignore that, he doesn’t want anyone to know about that. Theres another one though. He’s a puddle that keeps being stepped in by people. He has no idea what he means, but he doesn’t like it. 

Describe your character’s family. His mother is the worst mother alive, period. His siblings are the best in the world. His half siblings are great. His cousins are amazing. He’s got a great, huge family in fact - just removed the previous generation, and they’d all be better off.

Name your character’s favourite person and why. Noel. Sorry Briar, but it is. His brother is his other half, with only a short amount of time between them in age, Finn and Noel are a pair that will never be broken up. He can’t remember a time that the two have ever seriously argued, not just over something petty, or in stressful situations. He’s just his best friend.

How many friends does your character have? Finn actually has quite a few friends! He’s a personable person, likes to chat and is generally very open and friendly, so he makes friends quite easily.

How many friends does your character want? As many as he can get! In Finn’s eyes, one can never have too many friends.

How would a friend or close relative describe your character? They’d probably just sigh and be like... well, he’s just Finn, isn’t he?

Who depends on your character? Why? Do the animals in the surgery count? They aways rely on Finn to be in every day (with Noelle’s help of course because he’d be absolutely lost without her) to feed them and make them better. He likes to think that his siblings depend on him too, but he also knows that they’re very independent people. @icarialex

Who does your character most want to please? Why? Obviously Briar - he’s a little bit, teensy tiny bit older than her and wants her to think that he’s a cool guy, and not just a thirty-year old weirdo that has a younger girlfriend. There is a slight worry in his mind that she’s going to find someone closer to her age and leave him, but he also knows that won’t happen. Probably.

How does your character feel about sex? Loves it. Here for it, all day, every day. Well, most anyway. He’s got to get up early to go to work.

How does your character feel about romantic relationships? Finn loves what he has with Briar. Before realising that he was falling for her, he was all up for sleeping around for the rest of his life following his failed wedding attempt. But she changed things up, didn’t she? Made his head do a 180, and he’s fallen hard.

If your character had to live in utter seclusion, what six items would they bring? Wait, so he can’t bring Briar or his family? Then he’s not going. He has to? Ugh, fine. A collection of Agatha Christie books, his hot water bottle (don’t even think about judging), a razor (to keep his hair and beard perfect of course), a sleeping bag, his comfiest hoodie (he’ll get it back off of Briar), and a guitar. May as well learn a new skill whilst he’s stuck alone.

What is your character’s most noticeable trait and most noticeable physical feature? His eyes are pretty blue, they’re quite striking. And he’s always got a smile on his face, showing that he’s a very open person who is always ready for a chat.

How does your character feel about work? Finn loves what he does. He gets to spend all day with animals, annoying the hell out of Noelle, and making them better again - he’s an animal hero, what’s not to love!

Write one headcanon. Finn’s three favourite movies are Titanic, Armageddon and Mary Poppins. Titanic is so emotional, what’s not to love, Armageddon has Bruce Willis saving the world, and JULIE MOTHER FUCKING ANDREWS in Mary Poppins, it’s magical. 

Write one additional thing about your character. He really does want to get a dog, but he’s worried about getting one because he’s seen what happens when dogs get sick, and couldn’t bear to love something and for it to get old in front of his eyes. It makes him sad.

[norristheundying]

ALL QUESTIONS FOR HWAN AND VI PEW PEW

I’M SO, SO SORRY!!!! I HAVE ENTIRELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS ASK!!

Here are the answers for Vi:

🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? – Outside the city, exploring caverns. Vi used to work at an animal reservation site, which was a much preferable environment than their abusive household.

Is there any reason why? – Vi loves animals, plus it was a sanctuary for them too.

If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? – In one of the poorer district of Zuian’s capital city.

Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? – Yes, their best friend, Piers uwu

What does home mean to them? – A place of freedom with company they feel safe around.

🍄 What are your OCs favourite snacks? - Dried mushroom jerky, sour jelly, crispy shrimps. Basically anything with interesting texture and taste.

Their favourite comfort food which always cheers them up when they’re down? – Probably some very unhealthy cheap snack their mum used to buy her kids to cheer them up. It reminds them of happier times.

Favourite meal to make? – Mushroom stew.

Do they enjoy baking and cooking and are they any good in the kitchen? – Vi used to cook a lot for their family from scraps, and they learned how to make good dishes from leftovers / what was available. For them this was mostly a chore, but after their sister was born they tried to make it more „fun” for her, so she would eat the dull meals with more appetite.

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? – Some hidden nook nobody would look for.

Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? – Both at home and at the military they have a small box full of trinkets and souvenirs they like to look through alone, or with their siblings / friends.

Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone? – Not really.

🍂 Does your OC enjoy hugs? – Oh yes! Vi is very touched starved and enjoy receiving hugs. Other way around they like to make sure first the other person is comfortable with hugs, and if so then they like to give big hugs.

What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? – They are very expressive; they like to hang around their friends and family (not the dad bc fuck him), smile a lot, give hugs, make silly jokes, give compliments, lift up others’ spirit, take part in activities the others would enjoy. For strangers they simply smile, just have a vibrant energy, and speak politely.

Overall what are they like with receiving affection from others? – They love it! Can’t get enough.

🌻 What little things do they notice about people or the world around them that make them happy? – Vi is very observant; they like to see other people happy or content in everyday situations, find little joys in the dull routines. Other than that, THEY LOVE WORMS. If they are outside in the caverns, they are always on the lookout for critters (which is not hard to find, considering it’s their job to maintain the monster and beast population).

What tiny little treasures do they find in the normal every day that makes the world seem a little brighter for them? Every worm is a treasure. Seeing their loved ones happy makes them happy as well. Also geodes are pretty cool.

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them - Devy, I let you fill in the blank from Piers’ POV.

💐 How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? – Since medicine is really expensive, they didn’t always get appropriate treatment, so they just suffered through the illness until they got better, or forced to be bed bound with a bad fever, in which case medical treatment was a must. Possibly going to suffer from sequela in the near future, like other Zuians! Huzzah for health care!

Who cares for them and in what ways? – At home either their mother or brother. In the military any illnesses are treated immediately and responsibly to prevent the outbreak of epidemic, so medical wards are always accessible.

Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? – It’s a weird feeling for them to be doted on, but they don’t mind. They listen to their caretaker and don’t make a fuss whatever they’re told to do (either to stay in bed and take meds, or to just “man up”).

Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need? – Yes! Whenever someone just gets a bruise, Vi is already there with a kiddie band-aid and healing kiss.

🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? – They are very good at non-verbal communication; with reassuring gestures, a smile, giving or lending small objects (ie. reserving their dessert for a friend, giving away their last blunt).

What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech? – Vi generally has the “must be protected” vibe, so people with a spine will always stand up for them and be kind to them.

🌳 What is your OC’s favourite way to relax after a stressful day? – Hug Piers, hug Sparkles, smoke a blunt.

Do they have a favourite book to curl up with? – Anything about worms.

A hobby? – Learning more about worms, duh. Tending to Sparkles is a good spare time activity. They also like to collect geodes or mushrooms.

Or do they have a nice bubble bath and have an early night to bed? – Vi would definitely enjoy a good bubble bath, it’s a luxury they can’t enjoy at home.

🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? – Very deeply. Vi is quite emotional, but hides any hurtful feelings thanks to domestic abuse.

Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? - Vi is very empathetic and a good judge of character. That helps them show compassion towards those who need emotional support, or steer clear from assholes.

What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for? – A bit timid and uncertain, but if the person allows then they would hug them, listen to what they have to say, let them tell about their worries, then ensure them with kind words.

🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone? – If a loved one is around, they would cuddle with them to feel safe. If they’re alone, they would just silently cry.

🌸 What are some of their favourite things and why? List as many as you can think of! – Piers (their bff who makes them feel loved), their friends (Vi values friendship), worms (funky little dirt eaters), Sparkles (it’s a slug! and it’s cute!), siblings and mother (Vi just wants the best for them), geodes and quartzite (because they look pretty!), mild drugs (yea).

🥀 How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? – For their own research they would sketch anatomical drawings. If it’s a personal journal, probably some silly doodles of others and the environment (mostly worms).

What kind of things are written in there?  - Their notebook would be very messy, full of side notes written in a fast almost undecipherable way, but with massive amount of information. A journal would be about the highlights of their daily life.

Could you give an example of a nice entry? – “Got detention again for pranking the Cap’. I feel a little bad but I’ve gotta admit, it was pretty funny. Like, the whole soufflé just exploded!! Even the neighboring table got dirty! Anyway, it wasn’t that bad. We had to scrub plates and stuff. Had a fun time spraying each other with water! I think we will get another detention for drenching the kitchen tho.”

🌼 Who are this character’s friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner? – The infamous wimp squad is their found family, and they’ve known each other for hmm three or five years now? I don’t remember what I established. And of course they met in the army, each one of them are from different divisions. Kinda in love a with Piers, but I’m not going to say more!!

Questions for You!

💫What is your favourite fact about this character and why? – Vi had only one trait when I created them: a weird fascination with worms. And I wasn’t sure they would end up a creepy weirdo or something else, but eventually they became a sweet, lovable weirdo instead.

☄️ Does this OC deserve better treatment from you? Do you make them suffer just a little bit too much? Be nice to them! – I never treat my characters kindly (:

🌠 On a scale of 1 - 10 how Baby is your OC? BONUS when asking this question rate the OC yourself as see if the reply matches up!! – 10/10 big baby energy.

💦 If you as the writer could erase one traumatic event from this OC’s life what would it be and why? – Losing Piers :)

(I���ll answer the questions for Hwan another time because I’m pooped right now.)

[rebeldaydreams]

Sticks and Stones (Crowley x Non-Binary/Genderfluid Reader)

words: 1500 

pairing: Crowley x Non-Binary/Genderfluid Reader

summary: After you get some unsolicited abuse on the street, Crowley can’t control his temper.

warnings: swearing, mild transphobic comments

a/n: I had this idea after seeing Neil Gaiman confirm how Crowley and Aziraphale are male presenting, but don’t identify as males. And how Crowley was actually female-presenting when he was the Nanny and at Golgotha. I just liked the idea of him being super protective and supportive of having a non-binary/genderfluid partner and not putting up with any bullshit they might get. This is super self indulgent fjdklksksksfj but I hope other people enjoy it!! 👀

“Where do you wanna go for dinner?” Crowley asked you, arms folded over the roof of his Bentley as he leant on it. Through his glasses you could just about make out the yellow of his eyes.

“Hmmm...” You hummed in thought, shuffling your feet a little.

“I could get us a table at that new place. You know, that fancy one. I forget the name...Aziraphale would know…” He said, trailing off in thought. You shook your head.

“No, I don’t want anything fancy. Just something simple will do me. How about-“

“Fish and chips?” Crowley finished your sentence for you, reading you like an open book. You grinned.

“You just know me too well.” You said, and he smiled. “Can we walk? I’ve been stuck inside all day and I could do with stretching my legs.”

“’Course.”

Leaving the Bentley parked at the side of the road, the two of you began the walk to the nearest chip shop. It was about 10 minutes away, so not too far. Crowley slipped his hand into yours, your fingers interlocking with his as if that’s what they’d been made to do. You smiled, leaning your head into his shoulder as you walked.

There was silence between you, but it was far from uncomfortable. You simply enjoyed being in each other’s company. Crowley might occasionally make a snide remark about someone’s questionable fashion choices, though.

About 5 minutes into the journey, a loud voice from the other side of the street caught your attention, and the both of you turned your head towards the sound. So much for a quiet walk.

“Oi!”

The voice in question belonged to a rough looking man, probably in his 30s, who was walking with two others.

“Why don’t you pick a fuckin' gender, love?” he shouted. His friends behind him erupted in raucous laughter. At this point, you and Crowley had stopped in your tracks.

“Yeah there’s only two, can’t be that hard.” Another one added. More obnoxious laughter.

Despite them not specifying who they were talking to, you knew it was aimed at you. And despite knowing you shouldn’t listen to them because they were just arrogant morons whose opinion really did not matter in the slightest, their words still stung you.

You looked away from them as they laughed, wanting desperately to shrivel up into a small ball as you felt a lump rise in your throat. You tugged slightly at Crowley's hand, trying to communicate that you very much wanted to keep walking and not give them the satisfaction of knowing they upset you. Crowley, meanwhile, was looking increasingly like he wanted to do some quite unspeakable things to them. You cautioned a glance up at him and could feel how he’d tensed up from the rage that was building in him.

“Crowley, just ignore them...please.” you said. Normally, he’d listen to you. But he was currently too blinded by sheer, unbridled anger that even you couldn’t get through to him.

“Sorry.” He said, through gritted teeth, as he released your hand and crossed the street.

The group of men stopped walking and shared some incredulous looks with one another as Crowley approached.

“Got a problem, pal?” one of them said, as they formed a small circle around him.

Crowley looked at each of them in turn, settling his gaze on the one who had initiated the earlier nasty comments. Without even looking at the other two, he snapped his fingers in their general direction. Something they couldn’t control nor explain overtook them and without a word they turned and began to walk away.

“Hey! Where you lot off to?!” the one remaining yelled to his friends, but they didn’t even seem to acknowledge him. Crowley grinned wickedly.

“Oh, don’t mind them. They’ve just gone for a little stroll. Now-“ he grabbed hold of the man's lapels – who gasped at the strength of Crowley's grip.

“We’re gonna have a little chat.” Crowley growled as he shoved the guy round an inconspicuous corner.

- - - - - - - -

“What’s your fucking problem, dude?!” the man yelped as he was unforgivingly pushed against a wall.

“My problem?” Crowley echoed, speaking through gritted teeth. “I’ll tell you my problem. My problem is you feel the need to harass and vocally abuse a complete stranger. That’s my problem, you piece of shit.”

“I-I was j-just-!”

“Making a joke? Trying to be funny in front of your idiot friends? Yeah. I’ve heard it before.” Crowley was so full of rage that his human form was starting to fray at the edges. Black scales were starting to show through his skin and his eyes were much more yellow than before.

“Say sorry.” Crowley said, bluntly.

“Wh-what?” the man stammered.

“I said-“ Crowley reached a hand up to pull off his glasses, and glared at the man with his natural eyes. The colour drained from the his face at the sight. “Say sorry.”

“I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry!! Just fucking let me go!”

Crowley gave him one more hard glare and, before letting him go, landed a hard punch right to the middle of the guy’s face. He stumbled away with a pained yelp, clutching at his nose.

“Run along.” Crowley pushed his glasses back up his nose and watched as the man fled, taking a deep breath as he tried to regain control of his form.

- - - - - - - -

You watched from the other side of the street, biting your lip and tugging anxiously at the sleeve of your jacket. A minute later, the man scurried back out onto the street with a bloody nose and a terrified look on his face. He made off in the same direction as his friends, pushing other pedestrians out of the way.

Crowley emerged a few seconds later looking satisfied, flexing the fingers of his right hand and straightening out his jacket. You huffed out a breath, thankful that all he seemed to have done was break the guy’s nose. And perhaps frighten him into having nightmares for a month.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You said quietly as Crowley approached you again.

“I know I didn’t have to. I did rather enjoy it, though.” He said, looking down at you. His brow furrowed. “You okay?”

You just nodded, looking down at your feet. Crowley took your hand once more and gave a reassuring squeeze. You wanted to say you were okay, because you wanted to be, but those awful comments echoed in your mind, chipping away at your already fragile self esteem.

“Y/N?” Crowley said, trying to get your attention. He saw tears welling in your eyes and immediately realised you were not okay. He stepped a little closer, filling your vision with the black of his clothes, and when you looked up next you were back in his flat.

Tears spilled down your cheeks and you hid your face in your hands as a sob escaped you. “I-I'm sorry, Cr-Crowley-"

“You have nothing to apologise for, darling. C'mere.” he said, gathering you in his arms. You hid your face in his chest and held onto him tightly.

“You are beautiful and brilliant and perfect just the way you are, and don’t you dare go listening to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, you understand me?” he said. “Those small-minded bigots aren’t worth your tears.”

You held onto him for a little while longer, and he didn’t let up his tight hold on you, pressing loving kisses to the top of your head. Eventually, you pulled back and looked up at him.

“Thank you.” You smiled, wiping away the half-dried tears on your cheeks with the back of your hand. He lifted his hands to cup your face and leaned in to plant a gentle kiss to your lips. As he pulled away there was a soft, very un-demon-like smile on his face.

“Love you.” He said quietly. If you weren’t already blushing from the kiss, you were certainly blushing now.

“I love you too. You big softie.” You said, and Crowley flashed you a toothy grin that made your heart skip a beat.

Your stomach suddenly rumbled, interrupting the moment, and you realised how hungry you were.

“Oh yeah...” you said, remembering what you had planned to be doing that evening. You really didn’t feel like going anywhere other than Crowley's flat now, though. As usual, he sensed your feelings.

“You get comfy. I’ll bring us back some food. Alright?”

You smiled and nodded. He turned to leave the flat but you jumped forward and grabbed his hand. “Crowley, wait-"

“What’s wrong?” He asked, brow furrowing behind his glasses. You just smiled, threw your arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss.

“Nothing's wrong. Just don’t be too long.” You said. He grinned and gave you another quick peck on the lips.

“Miss you already!” he said, sauntering out the door. You chuckled to yourself as you watched him leave, wondering just how you managed to get so lucky.

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Watching SWR for the first time: Zero Hour

Reacting to Zero Hours, part 1 and 2.

Spoilers

 ----------

Part 1

-Oh boy.

-Ohhh boy.

-I haven’t even been able to check my dashboard in fear of spoilers.

-The finale.

-Oh my god.

-Let’s do this.

Reminds me of the opening scene from one of the Season 1 episodes.

-Only, instead of Tarkin, it’s Thrawn this time.

-Good to see Kallus is still alive.

-Aww, there are tiny trapdoors for the tiny droids.

-Double Agent Droid.

-Eyyyy it’s Tarkin.

-Kallus, don’t you think listening to your droid-overheard material in such a loud volume will attract attention? At least use some earphones? Do they even have earphones in this universe?

-“If we are to crush the rebellion, we must have our lousy subordinates take live prisoners and greatly increase their chances of living to fight another day.”

-Yeah Ezra, time for Kanan to slap some self-confidence into you.

-Dodonna... DODONNA

-OHHH THAT GUY

-”At last. general Doodano’s fleet has arrived.”

-Wait... the place Kallus is in...

-IT’S EZRA’S OLD ROOM HOLY FUCK

-Also, please keep your doors shut. They always forget to do that.

It was at this moment that Kallus knew he fucked up.

-DAYUM THRAWN

-HELLUVA ENTRANCE, EVEN WHEN SILENT

-DAYUM THEM MARTIAL ARTS SKILLS

-KALLUS IS SCREWED, I CALLED IT

-WE ALL CALLED IT

-HOLY SHIIIIIIIET

-Other ISB agents?

-No, just stormtroopers with dark armor. Or maybe just normal stormtroopers and it’s the trick of the lighting.

NOOOO WHAT DID THEY DO TO MUTTON SHOPS

-Also, Disney portrayal of blood (somewhat-ish anyway).

-On a side note, his hair is longer than I thought. Maybe I was stupid for thinking that his hair was just cut short instead of brushed back with actual length.

-Damn that’s some pretty good research done by Thrawn. Although, I’m slightly disappointed that he didn’t just pull out a backup map and compare the two.

-Okay I feel really confused here because I want the Empire to wreck the Rebels’ shit but I also feel sorry for Kallus.

-Dammit Sato, I sense a death flag.

-I mean, I don’t have very good senses of death flags but...

-DAMN THAT HYBERSPACE BLOCK

-Yeah Constantine, do something useful for a change.

LIKE A BOSS

hello i am thrawn and im gonna kick ur rebel scum asses

that smirk be like “ahahahaha fuck you”

Ezra: “nonononono this is not happening this is a nightmare i don’t want to do this i don’t want my friends to die this is horrifying” Kanan: “k”

-Hey, Rex is back.

-Kanan: “I’m a persuasive guy.”  Oh really.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CnEN1d-9P4&t=2m37s  I beg to differ.  VERY CONVINCING, NORMAL HUMAN BEING

-Woohoo, large-scale space battle! Finally!

-Bendu: “I told you I don’t take sides.”              “I’m taking none of your shit.”              “Take this jellybaby and go away.”

-Dammit Constantine or Konstantine, whatever it was.You’re gonna ruin everything.

-He’s like that one guy in an MMORPG who tries to land an impossible kill and destroys his entire team.

-Thrawn: “dammit konstantine, don’t you dare

-(I’m too lazy to look up if his name starts with a C or a K)

-Constantine: “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my real dad!”

-Annnnnd Sato basically does the Kamikaze.  Sorry if I triggered anyone, I know it’s a sensitive subject of past wars, but it was the first thing that jumped to my mind...

Well, I’d say he’s still looking pretty smug there.

-”I will not fight your petty battles.”  “Time Lords, sworn to never interfere, only to watch...”

-Damn, he’s cooking up some Force-TimeVortex-storm there.

-So apparently Sabine is coming back for the finale.

Part 2

-Why aren’t they just bombing the planet already

-”This is really Sabine’s baby”   what.

-Whoa, nice.

-So why is Thrawn “planning” orbital bombardment? Why isn’t he doing it?

-Alrighty then. I believe in you, Thrawn.

-DAMN.

wow.

Even fireworks are intimidating to some people. Imagine this.

-Imagine you’ve only got one transparent shield to rely on to for protection from green laser hell raining down upon you.

A E S T H E T I C S

-Wow, the Rebels are so gonna d-  Thrawn: “They’ve had enough. Cease fire.”  Disney, don’t you think you’re taking your main character shields a little too far?

Her face of relief when she realizes Kanan is alive.

-”Oh, all that is only funny because you’re still alive. Now please, come home, love.”  SHE SAID LOVE

-SHE SAID LOVE

The background looks like a painting.

-”You and I are not the same, Kallus, as these rebels ara about to learn.”   Hope that’s true, Thrawn. Hope that’s true.

-What is it with Interdictors? They’re smaller than Stardestroyers...

-I just looked it up and oh. Oh.  It has Gravity Wells, which means it can stop ships from Hyperspace jumping.

-The start of this battle feels like triggering traps with small troopers in Star Wars Commander.

-ATATS

-WHERE YOU ATAT

-sorry

-”Air groups, clear the sky of that... Annoyance.”  Thrawn be like  bitch

Badass Kanan is badass

-”Looks like the family’s together again.”  Space family confirmed.

-Bendu up in the sky like

(Yes, it’s from Doctor Who)

How are they running up there anyway? Does the artificial gravity of the ship extend beyond its shell?

-Why can’t they just use TIE fighters to bomb the jetpack people assuming that they have their shield activated?

Thrawn: Well shit, this wasn’t in my plans.

“Iiiiii might’ve made him angry.”

-p e r s u a s i v e

-”CONCENTRATE FIRE ON THE CENTER OF THE STORM”  Well, that’s the first time we heard Thrawn yell, though given the situation, no one would’ve heard him otherwise.

What

-That actually worked?? For once?

I believe I can fly...

-R.I.P. Interdictor.

Mutton Chops is up to something.

-”That’s the first good news I’ve gotten today.”  What about Kanan surviving?  Or did you somehow go through midnight?

Knew it.

-YES

-They saved the little mutton chop

-...He can take down stormtroopers single handedly and we’re calling him ‘little mutton chops’.

Welcome to the Rebellion, Kallus.

User BENDU has used TELEPORT. Chat//Thrawn: u cheating hacker!!

Yay he lives!!

-AAAAAHASDG

-1. GREAT SEASON FINALE

-2. I’M FINALLY DONE AND NOW I CAN SCROLL THROUGH MY DASHBOARD

-THREE DAYS’ WORTH OF DASHBOARD NOTIFICATIONS

[gwydionmisha]

I keep thinking how much better the Tudors would have been if Toby Stephens had played Henry instead of Johnathan Rhys Meyers.  Look, I loved Johnathan Rhys Meyers in Velvet Goldmine, but he didn't play Henry; he played a generic King.  While he's physically wrong for the part, I could see him doing a solid Edward I, but he's not Henry VIII.  I am willing to bet that Toby Stephens would have done a brilliant Henry VIII, because he has way more range as an actor, and could bring that range and nuance to the role instead of the one note adamantine hard performance that makes Tudors so hard to watch.  Look, I am fundamentally on the side of the wives.  Yes, all of them.  People like to play Anne against Catherine, Jane against Anne, etc. as they have been since this was current events.  Male historians in particular like to attack Catherine of Aragon for a variety of reasons both religious and misogynistic, just as they love to attack Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard for their sexuality, and divide the wives alone Madonna/Whore lines.  Fuck that.  I have huge empathy for all six of them, because all of them were in a terrible, eventually terrifying position, and really only Anne of Cleves won, as even though Catherine Howard miraculously survived her second to last husband, her whole life was a fucking tragedy because patriarchy and the ambition of her family, and even though she finally got to marry the man she'd wanted to since her teens it didn't turn out well for her.  Anyway, I want to make clear that I'm not even a little okay with Henry's treatment of any of the women in his life, but even though he ended up a terrifying abusive monster, he didn't start out that way.  Catherine of Aragon's husband started out as the flower of chivalry, a man who could joust, dance, write music and theology.  He could be charming and seductive when he wanted to be.  That actually makes it all so much scarier from Catherine's perspective, when her philandering, but courtly husband who used to write her love songs suddenly turns on her like that.  It rather explains her insistence that this was just a phase and he'd come back.  Anne Boleyn had no reason to think the charming man who wooed her and loved her so intently would have her murdered in a few short years.  (I'm firmly in the Anne was innocent camp for a whole bunch of reasons i don't want to get into).  Show us the intelligence and the surface charm, show us a bit of vulnerability, then show how the combination of power, mid-life crisis, political considerations, ingrained patriarchal beliefs, privilege, entitlement, a fundamental misogyny lying under the surface, and a serious head injury combined to create a nightmare for wives, mistresses, courtiers, etc..  Show us a horrible transformation that has happened and will happen on a smaller scale throughout time, because so many people don't get the boiling lobster aspect of it.  Men turn this way on their partners all the time, but they generally start out charming, funny, etc. and can and do hide the worst they are capable of from the world and from the person they are going to victimize.  The red flags tend to be few and small to start out with.  There are honeymoon periods when they pour on the charm between incidents.  There's often a power imbalance making it hard to leave.  Show us that in Henry VIII, because it's THAT kind of horror story.  Show us how, after a certain point, women are terrified to say no and terrified to say yes when he wants them for wives or mistresses, because assuredly they were.  Show us the whole process, instead of just...diamond surfaces: hard, shiny, flat.  I have seen Toby Stephens in a lot of roles.  I think he could do it.  I think he could do arrogance and vulnerability, charm and dangerous temper and mood swings, intelligence and lack of self awareness, command and charisma and terrifying sudden violence.

I would like to see a show like that, done in prestige long format over the course of years.  We should start out liking him and want him dead desperately by the end.  

[travelwankerworld]

The first thing to say is that this was a lovely location for a week’s chilled getaway!

We would definitely return……not something we usually say or do but this was perfect for a simple week away.

The minor ‘blip’ is that it flies direct from Gatwick.

From Luton, you can fly to Corfu & get a ferry.

We booked this little break via TUI & was quite frankly a bargain – £380 each – Flights, transfer & hotel with breakfast.

The usual start – Train, Wetherspoons for Punk IPA & this time we had nachos.

When our flight was called & we went to our gate, we knew we had struck gold! 98% of the people on the plane were older than us!

Magic!

Easy flight, easy pick-up at the airport. One hour transfer to Parga & just us dropped off at the Rezi Hotel.

We had in-theory gone for the cheapest room & the reviews were okay albeit a tad small etc.

What we got was a far cry from what we expected & we are pretty sure we got better than we were supposed to.

We had a great room!

Lots of space. Fridge & kitchen area.

This was more a studio apartment rather than a pokey room.

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So off we went for an explore.

The ‘front’ was about a 10-minute walk away & was lovely.

Nice beach & various restaurants & bars.

We had a wander & ended up in a little bar upstairs for a pint & followed by a 7% craft beer.

Here we witnessed 2 people, who should have known better, necking for ages! Really quite off-putting.

The final stop before bed was for a Gyros in the #1 place to buy them – Fillippas – It was gorgeous! & at €3 each was a bargain. It made it even better than you can also order a big glass of cold white wine to have with it for €2

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It was pork meat from the kebab + onion, peppers, pickles, sauce & chips….all rolled up into a pitta type of bread.

Just look how happy Lisa is! #foodporn

Bed.

Our first full day we stayed by the pool in the sun.

That evening we went to Dokos Taverna

It was Greek night.

This was the only thing we had booked & it was a good job.

It was a very big restaurant & was pretty busy. The food & wine was pretty cheap & pretty good.

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But.

We were there for the entertainment!

The main ‘Guitar’ guy was superb! What a talent.

They did quite a few songs. Then came the famous Greek song (think ‘Lock, Stock & 2 Smoking Barrels’) where they got loads of people up!

https://travelwanker.world/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/VID_20190613_222157.mp4

https://travelwanker.world/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/VID_20190613_222937.mp4

It was a good laugh. Lisa got roped in.

I, as a man, did the man thing & stayed put at the table drinking wine.

Talking of wine, we drank loads! 2 litres between us & we were not pissed at all!?

One of the highlights were 2 women that were dancing to the music on their own. One of them had massive bangers & here friend/sister (we are sure on purpose) was making her jig up & down & they were bouncing.

A lot!

The phrase ‘two dogs fighting in a bag’ springs to mind.

I don’t think there was anybody that hadn’t noticed, it was that obvious!

She is far right on the bottom video – trust me, that little bit is very tame.

Anyway, a great little night.

Next day was a day on the beach.

We got on the front row with 2 loungers & parasol (€8). Lovely.

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  Later in the afternoon, to get out of the sun, we went exploring to see what was behind the restaurants.

We sought out the #1 on Trip Advisor which was a little bar called ‘The Meeting Place‘ – what a find this was.

Beer in frosty glasses & with every round you got a little plate of Mezzi (AKA Free Food!)

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We returned here quite a few times!

We also met a couple Jim & Marylyn – they were very well-travelled and had been coming to Parga for 40yrs!

They were an excellent source of information and we saw them there quite a few times.

That afternoon we went up to the castle via a route they suggested & visited the Brazilian Green Cup for a cocktail.

It was a lovely place.

Whilst trying to find the bar (you go down) we mistakenly went up and kept going until we basically walked into someones flat/apartment…..

…..& they were sat there.

They were lovely (like all the people we met) – we apologised but they just invited us up to appreciate the view they had over Parga in their apartment (which they have been coming to for years):

  Not bad!

It was called Martha Studios

We carried up to the Castle for the obligatory look & pics.

That evening we went for what was our only ‘posh’ meal of the week & even that wasn’t very expensive – The 5 Senses

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It was really nice.

We also had real wine. It was red & it got us a bit pissed.

Another beach day. This time it was busier as it was a bank holiday. Sunbeds went up to €10.

Went for a few cocktails at the Sail In where we got a great seat on the top floor overlooking the bay.

Ouzo, Beer & Baked Feta.

That evening we ate at a real ‘no frills’ local restaurant that has been recommended – Restaurant Victoria – it was a lovely family-run restaurant – we ate on a table on the street which was nice (rather than inside), it was only when we left that we realised that it was pretty big & there was restaurant seating out the back in an outside courtyard.

I’m not sure when it happened but at some point, Ouzo became a part of the whole evening drinking process when we went out for a meal.

Ouzo with ice. Goes cloudy & is lovely.

The next day was the all-day boat trip over to Paxos. We booked & paid for this the day before just to make sure we did it! It can be so easy to be really lazy on holiday.

After reading all the reviews & wandering around the few boats that did that trip we decided to go with Marco Polo.

It is funny, I never look forward to these sort of things; for some reason, I feel a bit anxious. I’m not sure why. We got to the boat about 9.30 am as instructed & it was due to sail at 10 am.

We got put on the main bit by the sail where you could, in theory, sunbathe – yep, my worst nightmare.

It was really hot already, there was no breeze & I was stood/sat in the blazing sun already feeling none too great. I ended up going to stand on the other side of the boat in the shade as more & more people kept piling on.

Most were Greek as it was their bank holiday.

It was leaving at 10 am & was due back at 5 pm – that is a long day.

Finally, we left & a breeze arrived.

About 3 minutes after we started off the stereo kicked in playing the ‘Crazy Frog’ song!!

Holy Fuck!! – What have we done!? My little heart sank…..

Anyway, after that, the music was pretty decent, mostly Greek but okay – then just after 10.30 am we cracked a beer & chilled.

It turned out to be an absolutely superb day!

The Captain on the boat, Billy was excellent with everyone as were a couple of crew with him.

We went to 2 swimming stops which were stunning & in caves. We ended up in Paxos for about 90 mins which were just long enough for a beer & a quick bite to eat.

Then back to Parga.

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At one of the stops, the captain scaled up a cliff & seemed to get pretty high.

A few people followed suit & he was encouraging them to jump/dive in. They all declined and crawled back down to safety for a massive anti-climax.

The captain, however, did the complete opposite!

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It really was a cracking day which we will do again if we ever return & I will not be nervous/anxious!

We got off the boat & went for a pint at the Meeting place for a change.

Enroute we booked the highest-rated pizza place for the evening’s meal & got the best table right at the front, looking out at the bay & for people watching – Delizie Pizza & Pasta

What a great day.

The next day we spent by the pool at the hotel for the sunbathing part of the day. It had been hot all week – mid 30 degrees. Am slowly working out that dipping in & out of the pool/sea is the way to do it and thus staying cool/comfortable. In the past, I generally couldn’t be asked & would try & ‘tough it out’ – stupid!

#olddognewtricks

That evening, before we went for dinner, we tried the cocktail place just by the beach which was always offering cheap cocktails – why were they cheap? because they clearly had no booze in them whatsoever! – what a load of shit! Out of principle, they will not get named.

So for dinner, we were off to another recommendation of Jim & Marlyn (which Lisa had also picked out as one to go to on as part of her extensive research) – La Barca – it was a little restaurant just around the corner from our hotel which was run by 2 brothers.

It was a great little place that they recommended for the meatballs. Nothing fancy, just honest cheap but good grub!

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After food, we went for a wander. I can’t remember if it was intentional or if we stumbled upon it & it was still open……

Crazy Golf!!

This pastime is great anyway but becomes even greater when half-cut!

This is compounded as we went round with big glasses of Ouzo! this was after the lad running the place insisted we also have some shots before we went round.

We started at about 11.30 pm – this is usually way past our bedtime!

Now don’t get me wrong, the ‘course’ was utter shite! It was battered & was just a few curves & bit of concrete in the way,

There wasn’t a windmill or a water feature in sight!

But…..it was great! Just look at our pissed faces (well mine!):

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Our final full day was spent back on the beach. This time at the far left hand side.

Lisa took a video across the ‘bay’ which gives you a good idea of what it was like – i.e. not too big or busy.

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Later in the afternoon we obviously went to ‘The Meeting Place‘ to get out of the sun and have a beer.

Jim & Marilyn were in there (no real surprise, it is that sort of place). They were sat inside with another couple we had met but came outside for a while to say ‘Hello’ which was nice. It was their last day also.

So for our last evening meal, we went to another highly recommended/rated restaurant – Perivoli

Another winner! & Christ on a bike! – what a lot of food!! So much in fact that we actually asked for a ‘doggy bag’ to take the leftovers away (seeing as we had a little kitchen in our room so was ideal for lunch the next day).

Something that we had done a few times this trip & worked out really well, was to book a table via Facebook.

Pretty much all of the restaurants we went to, had a Facebook page & this is linked to Messenger so just messaged them for a table for 2 at a time & in all the cases we did this, they came back after a while & confirmed it!

This place was a prime example & we got a great table.

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Well that, was pretty much it.

We were around the pool on our ‘going home’ day & had paid €30 for a late checkout (makes life SO much easier when needed & available).

The coach picked us up fine for our 1 hour trip to the airport picking up others on the way.

Parga airport is small & not highly used – in fact there were 3 flights due in that day as I recall.

What was also great was the fact that we checked in – then we fucked off over the road from the airport to a little cafe/bar place to sit in the sun & have a beer. It was all very casual.

The flight was good & we had 20 minutes or so when we were out to get a sandwich & a beer from M&S and get on our train.

We walked into our house at about midnight.

What a great little week – I feel we may do it again sometime!

          Parga, Greece – A Great Week Getaway! Well Worthy Of A Return. The first thing to say is that this was a lovely location for a week's chilled getaway!

[deruste]

Lord of light: Rise in the afternoon.

As one would do in my situation as soon as the rich redhead from new york said I was the son of god. Or was it a son of a god. I threw a tray the muscled surfer as the blonde with gray eyes and Jamaican goat man looked in surprise. I wish to say that I thought it was a bull right there and stormed out like a boss. What I actually must say is that I took the quickest way to the elevator and used the employee key to shut it off immediately. My hand was still shaking on the key still in the control panel. “ What the fuck!” I clapped my hands onto my face. “I threw my best job away.” I should properly chastise myself for thinking about my minual wage job and not the fact that those people were properly from a cult. And not the fun kind. I sat in the corner of the elevator trying to compose myself and figure out what the hell is going on! My hand and face were beadings with sweat and with my hands being over them it started to pooling into them. The door finally opened to the main lobby door. And while I could start talking about the gaudy Greco-roman statues and water fountain with a naked bearded man that looked suspiciously like mister...Adriano, I rather run as far away as possible from those loons. The letter popped into my mind when I said his name and the name on the letter kept rattling in my mind. Oceanus, Oceanus, God damn Oceanus. Why the hell does that name sound familiar! It clung and clanged like a loose bot in a long rusted machine. By the time the frustration stopped, I was in front of the statue of Bossman. The statue aside from some difference in features they looked exactly the same. The biggest difference were horns on the sides of his head that looked like crab claws. Maybe...no,no,no,no,no! I'm not believing those guys just because my boss looks like some statue. I looked at myself and saw the nameplate of the statue which made me anger grow. It had Oceanus engraved with some info on the gold plating. Oceanus, eldest of the Titans, father of the rivers and their nymphs. Most importantly of all the most faithful of the divines. Faithful had a marker adjustment the read “mostly” on the tail end along with “tethy forgive me”. Which sounded uncomfortably like Adriano wife Betty...tethy...betty. The more I sounded it out in my head the more they sounded similar. NO no, I'm not going down that rabbit hole. I went past the fountain and went into the kitchen to get friends help. In most case of poverty like me, no family help and no love for foster homes you learn to make backups when you're found out for running away or being an unsupervised youth in general. My backup is Aigle, I know a weird name but she is the closest thing I have to a friend along with Manual. She was in front of a stove cooking some empanadas. The scent nearly distracted me from Aigle. “Seriously one Blanco was enough to make you quit your post.” She said with a low, harsh voice. Imagine your abuela smoking a 12-pack daily while garbling several pounds of sand and you have Aegle sound and look. Very leathery skin that resembles a burlap sack bleached white with very sharp eyes that sometimes flicker like a predator. She was, as I can best describe a grandmother who fought, lived and breathed war than let herself go a bit except for her arms. She flicked her braided silver hair over her shoulder as I described the loons but didn't mention the camp or the son of a god shit because I didn't even want to think about that bit. “You know those Jesus camps on the other islands. The ones were they force people to submit to Jesus or they never leave. They gave me that vibe.” She shrugged her shoulder at my concern giving me an empanada. “ Seriously they were like PTSD ridden cultist,” I said biting down on my food. “Elio remember the Feminist conference.” I shuddered for a few seconds have Nam flashbacks to a large group of women yelling patriarchy and privilege left and right. I still hear them at night, offer one lady a free drink and suddenly you're running from the convention from a mob paying for later damages. “I don't want to but yes, But these-”  she held a hand over my face. “And then there was the congregation of those Haitian Santa Marians.” The sound of several angry priests rattles in my mind as the image of me, Aegle and Manual carrying several snakes away burned itself into my eyes again. The smell of snakes didn't leave my arms for a week. “You were the one who wanted to rescue the snakes.” She gave me an exasperated sigh. “And you verbally assaulted the priests and their faith. You told the head of the congregation that he was a bargain bin pope and his priest’s pedophiles in training. You have a tendency towards-” “Honesty and frankness,” I said earnestly chowing down on another empanada. “ being an assshole, yes.” she gingerly puts a hand on my shoulder as she pulls a fresh batch of food from the oven. “ You tend to assume the worst and then make it worse by reacting according to what you think and not what is not there.” she eyes my messy eyesight, the way my vision darted around to find something to focus on. “You took your pills for the day right?” She chided me. She inspected my face with rigorous perception and urgent worry oozing from a disapproving frown. She was close enough to me that I could count her liver spots. I give a sigh. “I didn't take the pills, they make me slower.” listening to myself it sounded whiny like a kid stomping his foot and crying while his parent was trying not to be mortified. Raised her hands to her face, cupping them in disappointment. “ What did you see?” she held my face gingerly examining my reaction quite closely, her hand felt quite cold and hard for some reason like her leathery skin became part iguana for a moment and her skin flickered green for a moment. I took a breath. “The pale Jamaican had goat legs and you had green skin for a second there.” Her face went stone face stuck in quiet contemplation. For a few seconds, her face went through a gambit of movement. First anger that made her eye go “predator stalking its prey” mode for a second, or what is more vengeful? Then it went more towards sad resignation, a sense of fear that crept into eyes darting every which way. She grabbed me with a pot of food. “What are you-?” she pulled me from the kitchen, the pot swing back and forth as burst through multiple doors. “What else did they say to you?!” Her voice was starting to crack in a panic yelling sort of way. She finally stopped running in a frenzied state and started frantically looking in all directions. After orienting myself I saw we were in the back parking lot of the Hotel, specifically the employee parking spots. It gave me some ideas as to why was Aegle dragging me here. She has no car so in all likelihood with her frenzied state, we might be “liberating” a car. It's also a bit funny that Aegle was reprimanding me for leaving my post but now she is dragging me around in the parking lot looking for a getaway vehicle and I know she is looking for one because she has settled on the “o shit,o shit” look of despair and fear. A classic face in times of crisis most popularized by small black comedians such as Chris Tucker and his upgrade Kevin Hart. “They said some bullshit about me being the son of a god!” it came out angrier than it should but I didn’t care anymore. She didn't seem to hear my words anyway, standing still and staring blankly. I saw a look of pain spike in her cheeks. “Are you-” She began to change. What do I mean by that? Ever seen in some superhero or fantasy stories where there is a shapeshifter that changed seamlessly into a new shape. Remove the seamless part and that was basically what I saw. Through painful, baneful screaming she started to burst through her own skin. Her leathery, wrinkled skin was shedding away making way for hard emerald scales that gleamed what little light that was in the parking lot. Scales popping from the worn skin like long-buried ingrown hairs minus the puss thankfully.   I got weirder when I saw what was happening below her waist. Now before you start making a mental image I'm not talking naughty sections. Trust me if I had to trade what I saw with being harassed by a flashing hobo all day I would seriously consider the merits of staring at a random man's dingleberries. Her legs began fusing quite painfully as her screaming suggested into a large snake tail slightly longer than let's say your average lady, so about 5’5 in length. It had a brown splotchy pattern like the boa snakes that are common this side of the island. Faced with this amount of excitement I took the manliest route and passed right there and then. Dreams are weird, at least that's what I'm told. Visions people have at night that might be related to what they did in the day or nothing at all. Never got it as a concept, or at all really. I didn’t know people dreamed until I left home. Before any conclusions are made I do sleep. It's just I see, feel and experience nothing when I do. Imagine endless darkness to what felt a few seconds to you but when you wake and its morning. That doesn't mean I don't get nightmares, by god do I do get nightmares. It's just that for me they happened when I was awake. Imagine little confusion at people talking about there weird dreams while you nothing or the worst nightmare. Thank you, life. As I ascribed, I simply woke from my lack of dreams. The time was early sunset as the clouds were starting to get bloody red in preparation for when they would be drenched of the black of night. I felt a crushing sensation, not enough to harm but enough to know I can’t move without something hard and rough giving me “Indian burns”. Who invented that phrase by the way? I don’t remember any story about a tribe uncomfortably burning peoples arms, trust me my tribe at least had the capacity for much worse. The discomfort was coming from my torso so I gazed downward trying to glimpse what was constricting my movement. Sure enough, a snake tail was pinning me to the corner of a pickup truck, spilling out from the drivers back window. “Oh good your up. I don't have to prop you up.” The tail receded into the driver seat. With that, I could now see that I was in the back of a pickup truck with my stuff from my apartment on the far back while I was behind the driver seat. “Ssshame, I thought you would be sssleeping the whole the trail through like when we first met.” A memory went quickly in my mind of a kindly older women letting a preteen catch a ride in her truck and her giving some pitty by buying some food for the both of them. I looked around again to get specific info on what trail we were on. The path was a very messy gravel road, they are not too uncommon in the south end of the island to some of the lesser villages, meaning...oh no. “We ain't going towards El ponce if you hadn't figured it out. There'sss a ssstop I want to take you to before we do anything elssse.” The voice was definitely Aegle but much sharper and smoother and snake lisp. She always had one but now it was overpowering. “ So how long?” I said, stealing my nerves. I don’t really want to know, I wanted to forget all this happened and wake to Aegle at my bedside saying I caught a bug the knocked me outperform I could deliver the food. I won't deny that but I also didn’t want to be left in any darkness anymore. “How long were you hiding ...this?” I could barely describe what I witness or at least recall it in a way that didn't warrant a similar response. She apparently heard me because the truck immediately stopped hard enough to send me flying if I didn't have an iron grip at the moment. “You know what, ssscrew sssecrets, ssscrew hiding at this point. You remember how to start a fire?” That seemed a bit disjointed but I obeyed seeing as it was my only option for answers. I gathered some dried sticks and leaves from the forest floor on the side of the road the side of the road. Aegle kept a close eye on me with full reptile eyes as she took the pot of empanadas from the back of the truck. Guess my clothes will smell delicious now since they had been right next to it. “Alright, the first question What are you and what am I?” Obvious questions first to anchor everything in a sense of this what normal is now. “You're a demigod, half mortal half divine. I'm a sssnake.” A bit too obvious but at least she still acted the same despite scales. “A bit too quick to lay it on me but is that a good or bad thing?” “Yessss and no”. She sighed. Aaand back to gibberish Again. “Why?” She held her head with an inquisitive hand while stirring the pot over the fire. Her feature became more youthful, my best guess is that since I witnessed was her shedding her skin in the horror film way and the natural way snake actually does. Her skin was still tanned but now inlined with green scales along the edges of her body like natural body armor. All the rest is what you expect from a snake hybrid, Snakes eye slits, flat nose, fork tongue, and fangs. I would properly be sacred if the face didn’t mostly stay the same. Kind but stern, attentive when needed but will bite your head off if you piss her off, guess that's literal now. “Demigodsss, as the name impliesss are the children of the godsss. In your case the greek onesss.” She explained. “There are other ones? Wait what about Jes-” she clasped her scaled hands over my mouth. “Sssaying the names of godsss draw their attention, that or being very attractive. In the cassse of that one.” She trailed off. “Besides the Judeo god is more metaphysssical nowadaysss.” “That explains nothing.” “Quiet! The godsss are a very … whats the word you would use for angry and horney all the time.” She stammered looking the sky with legitimate fear. I start to rattle in my mind all the greek stuff I could remember, it wasn’t much but a few things rattled.   “Bangry, so they have children with humans sometimes. How does this apply to me in any way.?” She poured the food from the pot in two small clay bowls and gave one to me. A simple soup with a few pieces of steak takes me back to when she let me travel around with her learning to survive. “ Yesss, that is the big question that I don’t know. If they wanted you for their camp they would have done that when you were younger. Then again since they just got out of combat, they may want to quickly replenish their numbersss.” She jabbed me several times in the chest. “Combat? Wait didn't that Jackson guy talks about a camp.” I Recalled, rising to my feet. “Yesss, Wait for What!.” She shot out from her seat and looked like I just said Hitler came back to life and is marching this way. “Are you sure that his name was Jackssson!” She was yelling now, nearly straight to my ear. “I think so?” I blurted out. Her snake features made it look like she was going to pounce on me and swallow me whole for mentioning that guy's name. “Oh by the light of Heliosss! A sssatyr and Jackssson, must be Underwood and the other one? Did ssshe have blond hair and grey eyesss?” She commanded. She opened her mouth and let her forked tongue waggle in the air. Yeah weird but explainable. Snakes smell by flicking their tongues in the air, it's why they flick it every few seconds. Does Not make it less weird just explainable and in this case, the more explainable bits of weirdness are welcomed. “Yeah and a redhead who likes to draw on her clothes, what's the point? Wait! You know those people!” I’m what you can call the quick-witted sort. For example, if Aigle was a monster that wanted me dead or eats me, should have done it by now so I did not have  much to fear from her. Hopefully. Another example if she knew them by name and even as a big snake monster quaked by their mention, safe to say that there either dangerous for both of us or to her. Either way unacceptable. “I have heard storiesss from the mainland of a child of the big three, the main godsss of olympusss. Of a child who fought against all The Fates could throw at him and stand still.” The surfer? Although now that I think about it. I remember the sharpness, the tension in his demeanor. He was playing the fool or perhaps was one but has done things that won't leave his mind. “Their spawn are some of the most powerful, I heard it said that he fought your father sssingle handedly and left without a scratch.”   “Not that big of an accomplishment if I don’t my father position in the divine Ma'am.” She blinked twice and starting laughing. “It’sss nice to know that you still treat fairly, even knowing what I'm truly am. Your father wasss… Remember you can tell me to stop whenever you please. I know it's overwhelming and I know how talking about your family tends to set you off.” I trembled a tiny bit, my fist rested on my four head while my other hand was covering it open palmed. I have mixed views on father and only pity for my mother. Aigle gave away he was the divine one between but I didn’t the hint. Gods don’t die. My father was also arrogant enough to be one. Only his swagger was enough to silence a room, his voice could be reading bedtime stories and be frightful, his stare made men turn to little boys in a few minutes. My mother had fear at least. She always found ways to frighten people, whether wanting to or not, whether caring or not. She did as she wanted and there's where my compliments end. “No, if this is my life now. I have no choice in the matter. Tell me everything that is useful to me.” I raise my face to match her, match her reptilian, predatory stare with my own. She slithered towards me and hugs me. The scales poking into my skin. I saw something clutched in her hands. A gleaming necklace. May surprise you but I really like gemstones, they shine and blind those who seek them and when properly maintained don't lose their luster. One of the two places I actually liked working at was a stand selling Taino necklaces. Sure they weren't actual tribal jewelry, they use more wood and lizard/turtle symbols but I could stare at them all day if I wish. I can barely explain why I like them but they do bring a simile to my face. Aigle let me go and held the necklace in front of my eyes. “Thisss isss my gift to you, a form of protection from certain ...dangerousss elementsss thought I am aware of your opinion on cryssstal healing.” I shrugged. “Honestly with everything that happened I believe Superman is properly in the bushes waiting for Wonder Woman to give me several years worth of birthday money.” She snickered at my comment. I still didn't really believe the crystal healing nonsense but she means well. It also looks really nice. “It's not that grandiossse but this will help keep your mind at eassse. If not that then at leassst focusssed for what comesss ahead.” She wrapped the necklace around my neck. The chain was made of lustrous gold on the right, the left of it was silver. The centerpiece, the thing that had the gems, was an inverted pyramid. “So is it just a snake thing your is that a lisp?”     “Oh that, I just wanted to know if you're paying attention. Most of my kind has but I got rid of the accent years ago to get better work.” She said matter of factly, Thought it did make sense. “ Being a demigod is very dangerous the more one knows about the more your scent becomes irresistible. Monsters hunt your kind for sport or food when they are aware of you.” “Wait for what?” I was drawing a blank the size of Texas. “Think of it this way, typically you learn you're a demigod late in childhood or at least near puberty end. You start making a magical scent when that happens. Either a satyer finds you and bring you to their camp, camp half blood or your die. Your a….” She spread her arms and let them slump making a clunk sound when the scales of her arms hit her torso. “Special case to say the least.” I start to piece together what I understand. “I'm screwed is what you're saying.” she nods. “Oh most definitely its only because your father laid claim to the island.” I listen, particularly to the last bit. Dad was frightening but taking the isle and battling someone that would a fraction of his age was disorienting. “Again I won't say his name but you will know his place in the divine totem pole. What do you know of the Titans?”

[letsflyfrommelancholyskeep]

Anxiety, New World, cheese

It's 6.00 pm on a Friday evening, and I'm sitting in the falling dusk in the skate park opposite the New World supermarket, staring across at the bright shopfront. The bench is cold beneath my fingers and the wind is beginning to bite. I've been here for half an hour.

Soon, I have to go into the supermarket. There is food in there. I need to obtain it in order to live, and I need to do it myself in order to maintain my last scraps of self respect. This is my challenge, my weekly personal Everest – go into the shop and buy some groceries. It'd be funny, if it weren't so sad.

Some days it's easier, some days it's harder. I can usually tell how bad it's going to be from how long I have to sit in the skate park beforehand, breathing steadily and mentally walking myself through the aisles, repeating the things that I need like a mantra until it shifts from my short-term to long-term memory. Today looks as if it might be a bad one.

I stand up and walk across the road, repeating just do it, just do it, just get it over with, you'll be ok, in my head. I square my shoulders and try to stride confidently across the carpark, but headlights pick me out of the safe darknesss and the fear comes with them, washing across me in waves, and my mind begins to freeze up. A car reverses and another one is trying to pull in. I'm in the wrong place. Someone beeps, another person yells. At me? I don't know. Which way should I walk? I can't tell what any of these people want. There are so many lights. My eyes stay fixed on the entrance and I walk straight towards it, cars be damned.

The entranceway of the supermarket is so, so bright. There are people in there. They all seem to be looking at me as I come in from the dark. My music is suddenly loud in my headphones. It's too hot and I fumble with the zip of my coat. Someone bumps into me from behind. I try to move out of the way, but I'm more in the way. I go the other way but now I'm in someone else's way. I look around frantically for somewhere where I can just stop and be out of the way, but there is nowhere

nowhere

nowhere to go.

I tug at my zip again and drop my phone. I bend down to pick it up and my headphones fall off my head. The plastic noise is loud on the hard floor. The cover has come off my phone. I pick it up, I pick my headphones up. They are both clutched awkwardly in my hand as I try to scuttle sideways to get out of the way of people walking in. I can't pick up a basket because my hand is full of my phone and headphones. I put them down on the floor again and pick up a basket. Then I pick them up and put them in the basket. I am breathing deliberately and slowly. My eyes are open. Several people have stopped to stare at me.

I drop my wallet and cards, which are clutched in the other hand.

So far, it could be going better.

I'm dropping things because my hands are shaking. It's not a large scale, perceptible shake, more a general vibrating tenseness in the muscles of my wrists and fingers which makes it difficult to hold anything effectively. Also, my mind can only grasp one or two concepts at a time when most of it is busy battling the fear, so one hand tends to forget what the other is doing.

I go through the turnstile. I'm in.

I approach the potatoes. There's a man there. I stand there hoping he'll leave but he doesn't, he turns towards me. I choke out an apology and back into the lemons. Lemons roll across the floor. I crouch down to pick them up and nearly headbutt a woman in the crotch. I yelp “sorry” again and put the remaining lemons in my basket. My heartbeat accelerates to about 100 bpm.

I decide to abandon vegetables.

I walk as smoothly as possible on shaking legs through the meat aisle and towards item 5: Rice.

I had managed to get my coat undone, but sweat starts to run down my face in heavy, cold trails anyway. My face is bright red and completely devoid of expression. I am not able to fake any situationally appropriate expressions while having an anxiety attack; completely blank is the closest I can get, so it's what I settle for. My eyes are too wide and slightly unfocused. Every single person that I pass stares openly at me, at my strange, rigid face and wild eyes, looking uncomfortable and slightly afraid. It's possible that they think I'm on drugs, or a danger to them. The opposite is true; this is what happens when I'm not drunk or on drugs, when I don't have medication. And I'm no danger to them. I'm absolutely terrified of them.

I successfully get rice, and flora buttery spread, and noodles. When I get to the milk, there are various types of milk to choose from. I need to work out which milk is both semi-skim and good value, but the words and numbers in front me mean absolutely nothing. I try to whip my jamming brain into action, but it only returns error messages. I grab a random milk and wobble onwards.

By the time I reach the frozen vegetables, black spots are dancing in front of my vision. The small, faraway part of my brain that looks on and stays sane says in an exasperated voice “you've breathed too much and now you're hyperventilating. Well done. If you don't reduce your oxygen intake, you're going to go down like a sack of shit all over the watties stir-fry range, which will look absolutely ridiculous.” I try to breathe less.

I don't know which vegetables to get. My hands are shaking so much now that I jam them in my jacket pockets. Sweat is running down my face into my mouth, down my back into my butt, down my chest and in cold rivers across my stomach. Time seems to be skipping, jumping forward in quick spurts and rushes. I'm missing seconds all over the place. When did I get here?

You stupid fucking bitch, I growl savagely to myself, do not start fucking crying.

It's too late. A huge sob pushes my chest out, and then abruptly in again; I clench my teeth and don't make a sound, but my vision is blurring. I grab any vegetables and scuttle back up the aisle, banging into several people's trolleys. Only eggs, cheese and bread to go, and then the final battle, the boss fight: Checkout.

When I reach the checkout queues the black spots have receded a little, but there are now tears and snot streaking down my still-blank face. My eyes are even wider as I try to see through tears and stinging sweat. I shuffle towards a queue and try to join it but I've got it wrong, again: it goes the other way and people stare angrily at me. When I realise I back away towards the self checkout machines, but they are all my nightmares, so I push through the people to find another queue. I bump into backs, legs, elbows, trolleys. I bang my shins on shelves.

Somehow, I'm in one of the queues now. It's so bright and so loud. My head is pounding, my ears are ringing. I can't watch all these people at once. I try to focus on just the two in front of and behind me. When should I start putting my things on the conveyor? Is it too soon? The woman in front of me keeps glancing back nervously at me. I try to back away and hit the man behind me. The checkout woman is saying something to me. I stare blankly at her. I do not understand what she is saying. My heart hurts, heaving and thumping so fast it's almost a buzz. I do not understand her words. She's getting annoyed, but I don't know what she wants. It's something to do with my basket.

'What. Do you want me to do with the basket.” I say, through clenched teeth. My voice is flat and steady.

She thinks I'm angry, and this makes her angry. She snaps something back at me. I attempt to follow her instructions and drop the basket on the floor. I bend over to pick it up and drop my cards and wallet.I pick them up and bang my head on the eftpos machine. More hot tears course down my face. I stand up.

Another woman is putting my shopping into plastic bags. I don't want plastic bags, I want it in my backpack. I'm supposed to say this before, I realise.

“Um,” I croak. “Um, can you? I'm sorry, I jbusteh. Aah...the.”

Heat and shame floods through my body in waves. Words aren't working. My brain tries to plan what I'm saying but it's all fighting its way out of my mouth at the same time, strange hybrids of words, monstrous and useless. I take my backpack off and dump it on the counter.

“No bags” I manage, through gritted teeth.

The packing girl looks at me with extreme dislike, sighs, and starts taking everything out of the bags. She doesn't put it in the backpack. I start to push things with my crabbed hands into the too-small mouth of the backpack, I try to fumble through my wallet for my club card. The woman is staring at me impatiently. I abandon the search for the card and pay with shaking fingers. The end is so close! I grab the bag and try to leave but the cheese and noodles fall onto the floor, because I didn't put them in properly. I get right down on the floor and scoop them back in, and then I swing the bag onto my back and walk, step after stumbling step, out into the sweet darkness of the winter night.

Outside, I sink to the ground next to the buskers and breathe in the comforting rubber, dog and cigarette smell of the pavement. I did it. It's over for another week. I emerged unscathed,and now I can walk home under the rising moon with my hard-won food, towards my bed.