#it will never change bby 🥺

[silentglassbreak]

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

-

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

-

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."

[mandiemegatron]

(ʸᵒᵘ ᴹᵃᵏᵉ ᴹᵉ ᴰᵒ) ᵀᵒᵒ ᴹᵘᶜʰ ᴸᵃᵇᵒᵘʳ

ᵀʳᵃᶠᵃˡᵍᵃʳ ᴸᵃʷ ˣ ᶜᶦˢ!ᶠᵉᵐ ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᴺᵒᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵇᵘᵗ ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ ʰᵉʳᵉ, ᶠᵒˡᵏˢ!

ᴿᵃᵗᵉᵈ: 1８+, ˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ ᵗʰᵉᵐᵉˢ ᵖʳᵉˢᵉⁿᵗ. ᵁⁿʳᵉᵠᵘᶦᵗᵉᵈ ˡᵒᵛᵉ, ᴸᵃʷ ʰᵃˢ ᵃⁿ ᵉᵐᵒᵗᶦᵒⁿᵃˡ ᵈᵉᶠᶦᶜᶦᵉⁿᶜʸ, ʸ/ⁿ ᶦˢ ᵉᵐᵒᵗᶦᵒⁿᵃˡˡʸ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᵃᵈᵛᵃⁿᵗᵃᵍᵉ ᵒᶠ.

.𝕄𝔻ℕ𝕀.

Songs to listen to while reading ;

Labour // Paris Paloma (main)

Cynical // twocolors, Safri Duo

Never Go Back // Dennis Lloyd, Robin Shulz

As always, a huge smooch to my beta @moss-woods , couldn't have done this without you 🥺💖💋

Tagging ; @bby-deerling , @icy-spicy , @kazieai , @guilty-sugar , @buggyandthebartoclub 💖

It was never a tedious thing for you, to love Trafalgar Law the way you thought he deserved.

The soft brush of your hand over his shoulder as you brought him tea and a snack, the encouraging whispers of praise whenever he finally completed a particularly heavy weighted task on his already overloaded mind -

The soft smiles that he knew you reserved for him, and him alone.

It was new and strange to him, the way your eyes met his would make his heart skip a beat to the point he had to stop looking at you for a few days, secluding himself in his office with menial tasks just to take up the time.

When he finally emerged, you were standing right beside his door, a small stack of papers for him to sign and log in your palms with that same, gentle smile on your face.

His brain stopped, a primal urge rising in him as he rested a warm palm on your cheek, his thumb caressing along your skin lovingly. There were no words, just a shared stare of inner turmoil that he finally defeated by pulling you into a rough kiss.

Pulling you into his office, he shoved everything off his desk, a hazy desperation washing over him as he pulled you to him and seats you on his now empty desk. Tattooed fingers rip at your clothing, pulling the boiler suit down and off your beautiful body and dropping it off to the side as your own shaky fingers pull at his spotted pants.

You were almost shocked as he slaps your hands away, ripping his own clothes off into a pile next to your own, not giving you a single moment to think as he suddenly plunges a finger into your already soaked warmth. The low grumble that echoes in his chest sends shivers over your skin as your eyes fall shut, a moan leaving you as he adds a second finger.

His other hand slaps over your mouth a little too harshly, your eyes opening in pain to stare up at the glassy amber eyes of your Captain.

“Stay quiet,” he murmured, pressing an almost too soft kiss to your forehead as you give a slow nod. “Good girl.”

It was nothing but pure ecstasy for you, finally being under him the way you'd been dreaming of since you joined his crew. Your hands wander over his tattooed chest, fingertips grazing his pert nipples and pulling a soft hiss from him as his fingers curl upwards inside you.

Your mouth drops open as you squirt over his hand, eyes screwed shut as wave after wave of pleasure ripples through your body. They only snap open when you feel him tease your entrance with his cock.

Your eyes meet and there's a strange look on his face. He leans over you and presses a harsh kiss to your lips, his teeth biting at your bottom lip until he moves down, teeth nipping and lips sucking at your throat, leaving blooming bruises behind.

As he finally enters you, his name falls from your lips and one of his hands covers your mouth again. You're not upset by it, thinking you were just too loud again. He grinds his hips into yours slowly, his voice faltering as he quietly gets out, “Taking me so well, you're so good, so good…”

When you reach up and wrap your arms around his shoulders, something in him changes. He turns almost stiff under your touch, even as your lips press butterfly kisses to his jawline and cheek. In a flash, he's quick to take what he wants, his face buried in your neck as he grunts and groans softly into your skin.

You were so close to an actual orgasm, so close to falling from the edge when he suddenly pulled from you, furiously fisting his cock over your stomach and painting it in his sticky whites. He breathes heavily over you, unable to look you in the eyes, even as you raise a loving hand to brush his hair from his forehead.

You ignore the way your heart tugs when he pulls his face from out of your reach.

He grabs his shirt and cleans you off, tossing the soiled shirt off to the side as he murmurs, “Go wash up.”

You slowly gather yourself, worry seeping into your skin as you begin to ask, “... Law? Are you-”

He stops you by pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head. “Just go wash up.” He repeats, still unable to look at you.

You sigh through your nose and gather your clothes, getting dressed in record time and reaching up to press a quick kiss to his jawline.

He, again, stiffens under your touch.

You frown slightly and finally leave his office for him to clean.

You bite back anxious tears until you reach the shower room, glad no one else was using any of them as you move towards the back. You turned off the furthest shower, stripping naked once more and tossing your clothes onto the small bench off to the side.

The second the hot water hit your skin, you began to sob. Something was wrong with what just happened and for some reason, your brain wouldn't let you process it. You finally gave the man you loved every inch of you, but somehow, you felt used.

It felt wrong.

You weren't sure how long you were in the shower for, not even noticing the water had gone ice cold. Your face was pale and sad as you turned the handle, the icy spray finally stopping its onslaught to your already frozen skin.

Wrapping a fluffy towel around you, you picked up your clothes into a bundle under your arm and padded off to your shared room with Ikkaku, opening the door and letting it shut behind you as you flopped face first onto your bed.

“Girl, what is with you?”

You turned your head to the side to see Ikkaku looking down at you with a worried expression.

“Are you sick? Do you want me to grab-”

“No!”

She jumped slightly as you shouted at her, panic and anxiety written in that one word as you slowly sat up onto your knees. You wrapped your cold hands around your just as chilly arms and whispered out brokenly,

“We…. Ya know….”

A surprised gasp came from Ikkaku and she shook you slightly by your shoulders, a wide grin on her face as she joined you on your bed.

“Ooo, you've been waiting for this! Well? How was it?”

You gave her a look that made her brows furrow. “... Oh god, was he that bad?!”

Your lips ticked up slightly as you gave a soft snort, shaking your head as you murmured,

“He was just… I don't know. It didn't feel like his heart was in it.”

Ikkaku's warm hands picked up your frozen ones, holding them to her chest as she asked softly,

“Not the way yours was?”

Tears pricked at your eyes as you nodded, falling forward into her now open arms, cradling your body to hers. Her hands gently rubbed over your back as she shushed you gently.

“It's okay, Y/N… it's okay.”

You somehow sobbed out,

“I love him.”

Ikkaku shushed you again, holding you tightly as she replied,

“I know girl, I know…”

The Polar Tang rested at a quiet island, swaying slightly with the waves. Most of the crew was on the island grabbing supplies, while a few stayed behind to watch the ship.

It had been three days.

Three days since you gave yourself to your Captain, heart, mind and soul.

You haven't seen him once.

Even when you tried to bring him his usual cup of tea, his door was locked and there was no answer behind it.

You were half-way through lunch prep when Shachi comes into the kitchen, leaning comfortably on the metal island as he watches you cut vegetables.

“Hey.”

You look up, slightly shocked that you were so into your thoughts that you didn't hear him come in.

“Hey! What's up, Shachi?”

There's a deep frown on his face, eyes watching you intently under his shades as he says,

“The Captain wants to see you.”

Your heart almost stops.

A small smile ticks up your lips as you breathe out,

“Finally. I was starting to think he hated me or something.”

Shachi gives you a wavering grin in response, motioning for you to follow him with a movement of his head. You place your knife down and rip off your apron, tossing it aside, following behind him quietly.

When you both make it to Law's office, Shachi is quick to pull you into a tight hug, sniffling softly as he murmurs,

“No matter what happens, we love you.”

You pull back in shock, your face confused as you ask,

“... what the fuck does that mean?”

Shachi sniffles and presses a quick kiss to your forehead before opening the office door and pushing you into it. You give an indignant shout in response, grunting softly as you finally turn as you take in your Captain.

He sits quietly at his desk, his hands clasped together on top of the mahogany wood comfortably. He stares you down, the look in his eyes unrecognizable as you sit in the chair opposite his, your own hands clasped and resting in your lap.

“Y/N.”

Your heart breaks at the way he says your name without the usual suffix at the end.

“... Captain.” You reply softly.

Law internally winces at the way you speak. He gives a heavy sigh, taking his hat off and plopping it on the desk before running a hand through his hair. He's clearly looking for the right words to say, causing you to watch him with a slowly breaking heart.

“... Y/N, what we did… that was a mistake.”

Your eyes immediately filled with tears.

“I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. You have my sincerest apologies.”

You sniffled, crossing your arms over your chest as if to protect your shattering heart.

“I don't have feelings for you like that, and I don't think I ever will. You are my subordinate, I am your Captain, and that's how it has to stay.”

You were silent for a long while, angry tears cascading down your cheeks as you thought about everything that happened between you both since you joined.

None of it mattered.

“Y/N?”

Slowly, you lifted your head, your eyes meeting his and for the first time, you saw shock wash across his face. He sat back in his chair slightly, unsure of what to say.

After a few moments, you stood, making your way to the door when he stopped you with a soft,

“Y/N-ya?”

You froze in your spot, pure fury rushing through you as you spun around and spat out,

“Fuck you, Law. You knew, you fucking knew, and you still took from me. That's all people like you do, is take, take, take, until people like me are left with NOTHING. I gave you my EVERYTHING, and IT STILL WASN'T ENOUGH?!”

You were shouting by the end. A small smidgen of pride washed over you at the look on Law's face, obviously not expecting you to snap at him like this.

“I loved you, I bent over backwards for you over and over, I did everything you asked of me and more, and yet even when I finally give you my body and my soul, you essentially tell me you don't care? You don't want me?”

Angry tears rushed down your face as you poured out your heart to him. His eyes had moved to his desk at some point, physically unable to look at you as you verbally tore him apart.

“That's fine. Enjoy your fucking karma, you fucking bastard.”

You ripped his door open and slammed it shut behind you, your boots slamming against the metal floor as you ran to your room. Reaching under your bed, you pulled up your duffle bag and began filling it, shoving everything you had into the bag until it was almost unable to close.

You didn't want to risk bumping into anyone with your bag so you opened the porthole window in your room, looking down and sighing happily when you saw your window was above the wooden dock. Tossing your bag out the window, you were just about to jump out and down when your door ripped open, a very anxious looking Law standing there watching you with wide eyes.

“Y/N-ya, don't do anything stupid!”

He took a step into your room and you gave him the middle finger, snarling at him,

“Eat shit, Trafalgar.”

You jumped.

You didn't look back up as your name met your ears, shaking off the tingling in your legs from falling from a decent height. You pulled your bag over your shoulder, kicking your feet into high gear as you suddenly hear,

“Room!”

You watch the soft blue bubble slowly surround you and you move as fast as you physically can, giving a shout of anger as you pop outside of the bubble right as you hear,

“Shambles!”

You spare a glance behind you, seeing a few boards from the dock missing, papers from your room now floating down into the water below. You shake your head slightly and continue running, ignoring the pain in your now ex-captains voice as he shouts for you again.

“Y/N-ya!”

You kept running until his voice was out of earshot, your angry and hurt tears nearly blinding you as you ran into a densely forested area. You were wiping at your eyes when you bumped into someone, falling back onto your ass with a shout of pain as your palms dug into the grassy ground.

“Oi! Watch where you're going, you brat!”

Your watery gaze looks up and you're shocked to see the redheaded Eustass Kid, one flesh arm and one metal crossed over each other on his massive chest.

It takes him a second, but he grins wickedly as he barks out,

“Well, if it ain't Trafalgar's little bitch! What the hell are you doing here?”

He cackles at the dark look you give him, slowly standing and brushing yourself off as you pick up your bag from the ground.

“Fuck you, Eustass. I'm not his bitch, and he's not my Captain. Not anymore, at least.”

Kid sneers down at you.

“The fuck does that mean?”

You sniffled and rubbed at your face angrily before tossing your bag over your shoulder and attempting to walk past him.

“It means what I fucking said, are you deaf?”

A heavy hand angrily pulls you back and your back is pressed against rough bark, Eustass’ scarred face inches from yours as he leans down to bark again,

“What the fuck does that mean?”

You glare back at him as you bark back,

“It means he wants nothing to do with me. It means, he took what he wanted from me and it still wasn't enough. He doesn't give a FUCK about me.”

There was something in Kid's eyes that flickered at your words. He gently puts you back down, leaning back up as he watches you rub at your eyes again.

He's silent for a few moments before he replies,

“Come on.”

You gave him a wary look.

“... why?”

Eustass only replies with a wide grin, cackling loudly for a moment before commenting as if speaking about the weather,

“I hate seeing gorgeous women cry.”

Your cheeks burn at his words, your mouth opening to snarl back a reply when you suddenly are stopped by him continuing,

“That and it's gonna get dark soon, you're not gonna wanna be here when it does. But that's up to you, brat.”

He begins walking away as he shouts over his shoulder,

“I could always use strong fighters on my crew, but if you wanna die out here like a dog, that's on you.”

You stare at his back, confused and anxious as your hand tightens around your bag strap.

You weigh over the pros and cons of leaving one pirate crew for another, especially ones from the Worst Generation.

It takes you only seconds to pull yourself together and run after him.

For an entire 24 hours, the entire crew minus Bepo search the island high and low for any trace of Y/N.

Law is furious as he paces in front of the Polar Tang, arms crossed as he waits for his Den Den to ring with news that someone had found you.

When night finally fell, Law continued to grow anxious, checking his pocket watch (a gift from you which now wretched his heart whenever he looked at it) and giving a grunt in irritation as he stared down at his resting Den Den. He pokes it gently to wake it up, the snail's eyes blinking tiredly up at his master before frowning.

“Call her.”

In an act that shocked Law, the Den Den slowly turned away from his owner and went back to sleep. The Heart Pirate Captain stood in utter confusion and slowly growing anger, he manually picked up the receiver and dialed Y/N's Den Den.

His heart sank lower and lower as it rang and rang, the soft peru-peru-peru echoing in his head.

His heart jumped when there was finally the soft click-clack of someone picking up the other end and Law quickly asked,

“Y/N-ya? Please, I'm sorry-”

He stopped as a familiar voice came through.

“Captain…”

Angry tears pricked at Law's eyes as he hissed out,

“Bepo?”

The mink sniffled on the other end before sobbing out,

“... She left her behind.”

Law slammed his own receiver down a little too hard, causing his Den Den to give a low hiss in pain. He rubbed at his face with a shout of irritation, huffing to himself.

He lifted his face at the sound of boots crunching into the gravel, hope rising in his chest as he took in the boiler suits coming closer to the Tang.

His heart drops as Shachi shakes his head once he's close enough, clapping a heavy hand on Law's shoulder as he murmurs,

“She's gone, boss.”

Law sighed softly through his nose, finally accepting the fate of his ex-crewmate. He picks up his Den Den and walks back into the Tang, ignoring the questions or comforting words from his crew.

In the silence of his room, Law holds a silly drawing you did of you both, a rare smile on Law's face in your art that pulls at his heartstrings. He smooshes the paper to his chest for a moment before placing it aside, sitting up and immediately meeting his black Corazon jacket resting in the chair you used to take up.

“... Cora-san…” he murmured as he rested his elbows on his knees, his face falling into his palms as he quietly asks,

“What have I done?”

[jessybarnes]

Patience

Title: Patience

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Rating: 18+ Only! Minors DNI!

Word Count: 2,934

Tags: SMUT, angst, fluff, cockwarming, submissive Bucky, handcuffs, drinking, flirting, pet names, maybe slight degradation if you squint, slight dom/sub, masturbation, fingering (female receiving), clit play, permission to cum, edging, orgasm denial, unprotected sex, begging, crying, explicit sexual content, explicit language, and I think that's it.

Written For: @buckybarnesbingo, @sebastianstanbingo, and @anyfandomangstbingo

Square(s) Filled: Y1 - Kink: Cockwarming for Bucky Barnes Bingo // G5 - Submissive!Bucky Barnes for Sebastian Stan Bingo // G2 - Handcuffs for Any Fandom Angst Bingo

Dedicated To: @buckyalpine - I love you, bby ❤️ I really hope you like this 🥺 It's a thank you for all of the amazing content you've put out for us.

Beta(s): Just Grammarly

A/N: I'm so sorry this is bad... I've been so busy these last couple of weeks with Thanksgiving and yesterday was my stepdaughter's birthday and today is my daughter's so I've had basically no time to write. I really hope this isn't terrible, but I'm so sorry if it is. Also, have I already used the below GIF before for one of my fics? Yes. Am I using it again? Yes. Will I probably use it for a future fic? Also, yes. 🤷🏽‍♀️

You sip your drink as you watch Bucky from the bar. Currently, he's smiling at something Steve said, his flesh hand patting the blonde super soldier on the back while his metal one holds his glass of Asgardian mead.

You're not one for parties, but you know it means a lot to Bucky that you're here with him. He's finally rid of the Winter Soldier, the assassin side of him that he's battled to overcome for years, and in true Stark fashion, he threw your boyfriend a party.

It feels like everyone Tony has ever talked to is here, and crowds make you anxious, so the bar is where you'll be until Bucky's ready to go.

Natasha refills your glass and smiles at you warmly, "he's come a long way."

You swirl the amber liquid around a bit before taking a healthy drink.

"He has. I'm so grateful to Wakanda and the Dora Milaje for helping him. It took a while, but we're finally here."

She nods and pours herself a shot, "it's been a long time coming."

"Speaking of coming, I feel like everyone and their mother came to this thing. I don't even know half the people here..."

Nat snorts, "it's Tony, what did you expect?"

"Touché."

A comfortable silence settles between the two of you and you feel yourself starting to unwind.

Finally.

You finish your second drink and motion for Natasha to refill it again. She sets the bottle down and glances over your shoulder shaking her head.

"Looks like one of the secretaries has taken a liking to Barnes."

Well, so much for being able to relax.

You turn in your seat and watch as a pretty blonde touches his arm softly, batting her eyes at him like a giddy schoolgirl.

Bucky doesn't reciprocate, but he doesn't shoo her away either. He looks up at you momentarily and bites his lip before smiling at the girl in front of him. You know he's not really interested in her. He'd never cheat on you. It still doesn't change the fact that he's deliberately flirting with her in front of you though.

Your fingernail taps on the side of your glass as you grow more and more irritated. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and trails her index finger down the front of his shirt.

You grip the glass so hard that your knuckles turn white.

"I'll pay you later, Natasha," you down the rest of your whiskey and slam the glass down on the bar top. "Right now I've got something to take care of."

You push through the crowd and tap the blonde on her shoulder. She whips around and gives you a pointed look, "can I help you?"

"Yeah," you raise an eyebrow, "you can help me by stopping yourself from eye fucking my boyfriend."

Her eyes go wide as she looks from you to Bucky. He shrugs and she huffs before walking away.

You glare up at him and he takes your hand, "oh, come on doll. I was just teasing you."

"Don't doll me, James. You know I don't like seeing you giving someone else that kind of attention."

His free hand wraps around your waist and pulls you into him, "come on, baby. Don't be like that."

Steve chuckles, "I don't know, man. That girl was looking at you like you put the stars in the sky, and it's not like you pushed her away when she touched your chest."

"Who's side are you on, pal?" Bucky narrows his eyes at his best friend.

You've had enough. This party, that girl, Bucky's attitude, all of it, and it stirs a possessiveness inside of you that you haven't felt in a long time.

"It's time to go."

Bucky's eyes go wide, "go? But the party just star-"

"I said it's time to go."

Steve whistles as you drag Bucky toward the elevators, "good luck!"

Once you get him back to your shared bedroom, you shut and flick the lock.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., please tell anyone who comes to our door that we aren't taking visitors."

"Yes, Miss Y/L/N."

Bucky leans against the wall and looks down at you softly, "I swear I didn't mean to upset-"

"Well, you did. Take your clothes off and lay on the bed."

"Y/N, please just let me properly apologize to you."

Your hands move to your hips and you give him a stern look. To anyone who isn't familiar with your relationship, it would be quite comical seeing your tall, muscular, super-soldier boyfriend being so submissive to you. You know he needs this though, to be able to let go and give himself completely to someone he knows won't hurt him. And who are you to deny him that? Especially since you love the rush of taking control sometimes.

"Don't make me ask you again, James."

Bucky bites his lip as he stands up straight. He pulls the red henley he's wearing over his head, and you watch the movement of his well-defined muscles with hooded eyes. He undoes the button on his jeans and slides them and his boxers down to his ankles before stepping out of them.

"I really am sorry, baby"

"I know you are." You gesture behind him, "I've changed my mind. Sit with your back against the headboard."

He turns to walk over to the bed and you groan at the unimpeded view of his ass. Fucking hell, he's perfect.

He settles on the comforter and looks at you with curious, blue eyes. You don't say anything to him as you walk into the closet. Moments later you return with two pairs of silver handcuffs dangling from your fingertips and you watch his cock twitch in interest.

"Y/N, I don't see how this is a punishment," he drawls.

You smirk and cuff each of his hands to the small metal hoops that jut out from the side of the headboard. These were no ordinary handcuffs either, they were made with raw vibrainium which means he can't get out of them easily.

"Trust me," you step back and reach behind you to pull the zipper on the back of your dress, "you'll see."

Bucky watches as the little black dress falls to the floor and pools around your feet, his eyes darkening with want.

"God, you're so damn gorgeous, baby."

You smirk, "and it's too bad you won't get to touch me." You smooth your hands over your soft skin, your fingertips barely catching your nipples making you gasp. "I was really looking forward to those big, strong hands all over me, Buck."

He groans and watches you take off your bra and panties, "come on, pretty girl. Please let me touch you...please?"

You climb on the bed and straddle his chest, his cock beginning to leak in anticipation of your touch. You ignore the urge to and slide two of your fingers between your soaked folds instead.

"Mmm, you should have thought of that before ... fuck ... before you flirted with that secretary.

He watches you circle your clit slowly, his eyes nearly black now as he tugs harder at the cuffs.

"Baby... fuck, baby please!"

"Shit, I'm so wet for you, Bucky...feels so good..."

You bring your glistening fingers to your lips and close your mouth around them, licking them clean of your arousal. Bucky whines and raises his hips in frustration.

"Let me have a taste, please baby? Please! I'm so sorry for even looking at her... God, please...need you so bad..."

You tilt your head to the side and look down at him. His eyes are desperate and you almost give in and undo the handcuffs.

Almost.

"Aww, do you need a taste? Do you want me to sit on your face, baby boy?"

Your tone is teetering the line of sincere and condescending, and it makes another bead of precum spill from the head of his cock. Your words alone are making him fall apart. You've never been this dominant with him and he'd be lying if he said he didn't like it.

"...please."

It's merely a whisper, but you hear him nonetheless and decide to take a little mercy on him.

"Lay on your back for me, baby."

Bucky scoots down, his arms suspended slightly upward and out to the side as he lays flat. You move so your legs are on either side of his head and hover your dripping pussy over his lips.

"Since you love using that pretty mouth to tease and flirt so much, why don't you put it to good use and make me cum. Maybe if you do a good job I'll let you fuck me."

Bucky licks his lips, "I'll make you feel real good, doll. Please... just please let me taste you..."

You lower yourself down to his mouth and he immediately begins ravishing you. His tongue skillfully slides between your folds, alternating from your hole to your clit making you moan.

He's always been so good at this. Taking you apart over and over again until you're a shaking, quivering mess. But this? The way he's delving his tongue into your dripping cunt, devouring you as if he needs you to survive, it's another side of him you've never seen before and it's one of the hottest things you've ever experienced with him.

"Fuck... yeah, baby just like that."

Bucky groans and moves back to your clit, sucking it and flicking it with the tip of his tongue. His untouched cock is leaking profusely now. He's determined, desperate to feel you cum, desperate to make you fall over the edge and taste you.

It isn't long until the familiar coil begins to ignite and your legs start to shake from the amount of pleasure your boyfriend is bringing you. Your hands tangle in his hair, pulling it as your hips rock against his mouth.

"Oh, Bucky! Don't stop, baby! Don't you fucking stop... oh, my god...fuck, you're gonna make me cum!"

He moves his tongue faster, tugging at the cuffs and wishing he could grip your luscious thighs.

Your eyes flutter closed and you throw your head back as your orgasm shoots through you like a bolt of lightning. Bucky doesn't stop, and you let him work you through your high until it becomes too much. Finally, you climb off of him and lay on the bed at his side, moving your fingertips up and down his thigh slowly while he breathes heavily.

"Did such a good job for me, baby. You made me cum so hard."

Bucky turns to look at you, "does that mean I can fuck you now?"

You bite your lip and just barely graze his thick shaft.

"Oh, sweetheart, you didn't think it would be this easy, did you? You thought giving me one orgasm would warrant forgiveness for deliberately flirting with someone else in front of me?"

Bucky gasps and whines from your touch, his cock twitching in need.

"Doll, p-please...," his eyes shine with tears and his fists clench and unclench, "I'll never do it again, I promise! Please I...I need you so bad...so bad, baby..."

You kiss his lips and shush him, before carefully straddling his hips. His eyes are wide and needy as he looks up at you, and your heart thuds hard against your ribcage. He's so fucking beautiful like this. All spread out for you. Needy and begging for your touch.

Bucky is so good at being in control when you need him to, but at times like this, he's the prettiest submissive you've ever seen.

"Sit back up for me, honey. I'm going to give you a reward, okay?"

He nods and scoots back up so his back is against the headboard again. He watches as you rise on your knees and reach behind you. His eyes roll back into his head as you wrap your fingers around his cock, and you immediately pull them away.

"Ah, ah, ah...keep those eyes on me, baby."

Bucky nods and you curl your fingers around him again before lining him up with your entrance. You're so wet that you don't even need him to prep you.

Ever so slowly, you sink down on his thick, hard cock. Bucky's so worked up that you can feel him throbbing as you take him to the hilt.

"You're so fucking big, baby. Mmm, you fill me up so well. Does this feel good, sweetheart?"

He shudders and resists the urge to raise his hips so he'll go deeper, "so good...feels so good."

"Is this what you wanted, honey?"

Bucky swallows thickly and lets out a shaky breath.

"Wanna...wanna feel you ride me. Please...please just wanna cum for you."

You cradle his face in your hand and brush the pad of your thumb over his stubble, "only good boys get what they ask for, baby. Besides, I love feeling you just like this. So deep inside me, the head of your pretty cock kissing my cervix, you make me feel so full."

Bucky whimpers and you lean forward to kiss him again, your mouth moving against his slow and sweet.

He kisses you fiercely and you reciprocate with just as much fervor. Bucky could stay like this forever, just drowning in the way you feel around him, in your touch, and your taste.

You pull away and smooth your thumb over his bottom lip, "if I uncuff one of your hands, are you going to be good for me?"

The thought of being able to touch you makes his eyes fill with tears as he nods enthusiastically.

"If you can be a good boy for me I'll ride you, baby."

You reach for the handcuff keys on the bedside table and uncuff his metal hand.

"Rub my clit, baby boy. Make me cum around your cock."

Bucky reaches down to where the two of you are joined and touches the cool metal of his thumb to your bundle of nerves. You gasp at the contrast of temperatures as he begins making tight circles.

"Fuck, Bucky..."

You rock your hips slightly back and forth, cupping your breasts as hot sparks of arousal shoot through you. A low rumble sounds in Bucky’s chest when he feels you clench around his cock, and he has to force himself not to cum.

"God, baby...can feel you squeezing me. Wanna watch you come undone with my cock buried inside of you. Please, princess? Please come for me..."

The way he's begging for you, the feeling of the smooth metal of his gold and black thumb moving over your clit, and how fucking good it feels to have his thick cock stretch you open sends you falling over the edge for a second time. His name tumbles past your lips over and over and spots dance in your vision as you cum hard for him.

You're both panting when you finally open your eyes again. Bucky's shaking, his eyes are still wide and shining as he silently begs for release and you finally, finally give in to him and plant your palms on his chest.

"You've been such a good boy for me, honey. I'm gonna ride this beautiful cock and I want you to tell me how good it feels, but you can't close your eyes. I want you to look at me when you cum."

You know he's not going to last long. Not when you've worked him up this much, so you don't bother starting slow. You move up and down at a steady pace, listening to his needy, desperate moans.

His metal hand grips your hip and helps to guide you as you start to go faster, and you can feel how close he is, his cock throbbing inside of you as his lips part in a silent scream.

"Oh, my god, babydoll... feels so good... m'so close! Gonna cum so hard for you, pretty girl. Please! Please am I allowed to cum? Can't hold it anymore...s'too much...feels too good... please ... please!"

You brush away his tears and lean down to capture his lips in a passionate kiss.

"Fill me up, baby boy. Come on, let go for me. Show me, sweetheart."

Bucky slams you down on his cock and holds you in place as he groans loudly into your neck. His orgasm crashing into him like a tsunami as he nearly sobs in ecstasy.

You pepper kisses all over his face and shush him as he shakes in your arms, sweet nothings falling from your lips as he comes down from his high. Eventually, you move to get up, but he whines and pulls you closer to him.

"I need to uncuff your other hand, honey."

"But I wanna stay inside you...please? Just wanna feel close to you."

Your eyes soften and you free his flesh hand, rubbing his wrist gently.

"We can stay like this as long as you need to, Buck. I'm not going anywhere."

He moves so you're both on your sides and slides his softening cock back inside of you gently. He sighs happily and buries his face in your neck.

"Love you, princess... love you so much," he whispers sleepily.

You kiss his forehead and rub his back tenderly, "I love you too, baby. Close those pretty eyes and sleep for me, okay? I'll be here when you wake up."

It isn't long until you feel his breathing even out, and you continue to hold him close as sleep begins to take you too.

You're happy and safe inside the embrace of the love of your life.

You're home.

Tagging: @buckyalpine @madashatters18 @sarahrogersevans @chrisevansdaughter @nerdygingermoose88 @brandyywar

[malum-forev]

Ooo hiiiii! If it’s okay (I’m sorry if this is too detailed!!),

Can I please request a Everyone lives au! (All of the Avengers are alive and well, and the team is still together as a family😅) Bucky x fem!civilian!reader where they first met when he was The Winter Soldier, and again in TFAWS? He miraculously had saved Y/n’s life back when he was the Winter Soldier, something that he had never told anyone about (as Hydra probably would’ve had her killed for seeing the Winter Soldier). It all comes to the surface years later when Bucky, Steve, and Sam are out at a restaurant when they run into Y/n, who is their waitress, and drops their food once she sees who Bucky is (he thinks it’s because she’s afraid, but she’s not, it’s because she recognizes him as the man who saved her life). + she hugs and thanks him? Sam and Steve being proud of him🥺 + Y/n and Buck falling in love?

I feel like it’d be really meaningful and emotional for Bucky to have someone see him as their hero, rather than the villain that he thinks he is (POOR BBY)🥺🥺

Hiii thank you sooo much for your ask!! This is my first one! I hope I do it justice!

The chill of the midnight breeze made Bucky shiver, he shouldn’t be out right now and he knows he doesn’t need to be. It’s a conscious decision. Steve, Sam, and Bucky are veterans and they have no business taking on the graveyard shift but they didn’t care. They didn’t care that the new recruits were younger and would adapt to the bizarre sleep schedule better, they didn’t care that they had to bundle up with an extra layer of clothing before leaving the compound so they wouldn’t get a cold, they didn’t care that now they understood the term: ‘I know tomorrow’s gonna rain, my knees always hurt before it does.’

After they ‘gently convinced’ (as Bucky would say) the person who supposedly knew information about the new mission they were on, the three men found themselves at a 24hr diner at 2am. Hoping to get in their third cup of coffee on the shift.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Sam groaned, leaning his head on the back of the squeaky red booth. 

“I knew I was going to stop at some point, I just didn’t know that the end would come with me having to crack every single bone before fighting.” Steve laughed into his coffee. 

Bucky looked up at the flickering fluorescent lights. “I dislocate my shoulder every time, I’m starting to think I should just keep it out of the socket. It’ll give me less trouble that way.”

“When did we get so old?” Bucky said with a groan, putting his face in his hands.

“We should get some food in, wouldn’t want to get acid reflux before a fight.” Sam flagged the waitress down. 

Bucky didn’t know what he was expecting, scratch that- he knows exactly what he was expecting and it wasn’t you. He thought his waitress would be an older woman, she would smell of stale coffee and fryer oil. But suddenly you were here, with him, and everything started moving in slow motion. 

At first you didn’t recognize him, it had been years since you’d last saw him. And even that time you first met, you didn’t get to truly see him. You were too afraid to even peek through your hand covered eyes. You balanced the tray of food, meant for the person a few tables behind them, with one hand while the other one rummaged through the pocket at the front of your apron for a pen. 

You finally found it and clicked the top.

“What will you guys be-“ Your mouth suddenly turned dry as you met his crystal eyes. In a matter of milliseconds your world shifted. Like one second you were working the late night shift your obnoxious boss had forced you into doing and the next your back in time. Exactly eight years ago, the night your life changed.  

Everyone around you worried, your first-time leaving home and you chose a big city. “You know they have pickpockets there, right?” someone had told you, trying to convince you not to go. But you’d roll your eyes and say: “I’m more scared of the guys around here who drink and drive than a couple of pickpockets.” 

You were surprisingly autonomous for a person who had never been apart from- well- anyone you knew. All of your family, friends and safety net now resided a couple of thousands of miles away. 

But there was something about that day eight years ago, the first day where everything went wrong. Maybe it was your brains way of giving you some sort of bad omen. You had stayed out a little too late that day and missed your train, now you had to take the bus. But the only route available took you to an unknown part of town. From there you would have to walk some 40 odd minutes to get back home. 

Your boots clicking on the hard cobblestone was the only thing to be heard, the light of the moon the only thing that was shining. A strange feeling took over your being as you looked around the foreign place. And just to make things worse, it started raining.

As you started feeling the droplets becoming more aggressive you decided to wait the storm out in what looked like an old hotel. But as you pushed the door open, you realized it was abandoned on the inside. You stayed close to the door and took in your surroundings. 

There was an old wooden door to your left, it was slightly open so you peered inside. It creaked as you opened it and your heart sank as you saw what was inside. A man tied to a chair, his cheekbone was cut and bleeding, a knife was sticking out from his upper thigh. You gasped as you came closer.

“Help me.” The man groaned but before you could do anything, something came out of the shadows. 

Half of his face was covered and his hair was long, but your eyes were glued to his. His dark cerulean eyes were lit by the moonlight coming in from the skylight. 

He marched towards you until you were backed up against the wall. You’d heard about him before. The Winter Soldier, but you thought he was a character made up by mothers across the world so their children would do as they said. A sort of Boogeyman. 

Your life flashed before your eyes as you saw his metal hand come up to your throat. You closed your eyes tightly and waited for the light at the end of the tunnel, but it never came. You opened one eye and saw the shining red star at his shoulder slightly shake, the only indication that he was there because when you saw his face it was blank. The dark hue in his eyes you saw a second earlier had disappeared. In its place was a light crystal blue shine. His silver hand was still around your neck but he didn’t apply any pressure.

“Who are you?” He muttered through gritted teeth. The lines in his forehead a clear indication that he was battling with himself.

“I’m nobody.” You squeaked, your eyes never leaving his. 

He opened his mouth to say something but turned his head to the side, listening for something. “You have to leave.”

“What?” You gasped. 

He took your hand in his right one and lead you to the window in the room. He smashed the glass, making sure there was no sharp edge as he picked you up to sit on the windowsill.

“What are you doing?” You asked quietly, not sure how you even got one word out. You finally heard some voices coming closer to the room you were in.

“Leave!” he ordered looking from you to the door. “They’ll kill you if you don’t!”

You jumped out into the rain and looked back at him. 

“Run!” he yelled before taking a knife and stabbing it into his right arm. He groaned in pain.

“What’s going on down here, Soldat?” You heard someone ask. 

“Someone came in, wanting to take the prisoner out. I took care of them.” The Winter Soldier said. 

Your fight or flight finally kicked in and you ran, you ran until your legs gave out and you were far away from him. 

He recognized you too, you saw it flash in his eyes. You took a step back in shock and bumped into the table behind them, dropping the contents of your tray on the floor. You gasped.

“I-I’ll-“ You stuttered. “I’ll bring over a mop.”

You rushed back to the kitchen, taking the cleaning supplies from the closet and passing them over to your coworker, Frank.

“What’s this about?” He rolled his eyes.

“I’ve covered for you hundreds of times.” You spat out. “Clean up the mess at table 17 and call it even.”

Before he could even answer you rushed out the back door, desperately needing fresh air. Your breaths were shallow and no amount of air could relieve the pressure you felt in your chest. You ripped the apron off and threw it on the ground, pacing back and forth. 

You heard the back door creak open. “I don’t need your shit right now, Frank!”

But you could recognize the sound of those boots anywhere. You lifted your head and saw the Winter Soldier walking towards you. Your breath got caught in your throat. He picked up your apron up and brought it closer to you.

“We’ve met before.” He gulped. “When I was someone I no longer am.”

His voice had a strange quality to it, like he was unsure as to what to say. Your eyes widened at his tone.

You wanted to find a way to say what you felt but how can you put into words: ‘Thank you for saving my life eight years ago and not killing me even though you were programmed to kill anything in your way back then.’

Maybe you could find a Hallmark card?

He looked down at the floor with shame as you didn’t answer, almost embarrassed. 

But before you knew it, you were wrapping your arms over his shoulders and pulling him in for a hug. Now it was his turn to widen his eyes. 

You let go after a few seconds. “I’m sorry about that. The hug, I don’t know if you’re a hugger.”

His mouth opened slightly and his cheeks had a pinkish hue to them. 

“Thank you.” You whispered.

His eyebrows furrowed. “Did you- did you just say thank you? You’re not afraid?”

“Afraid?” You asked. “You saved me that night. You fought all your instincts and saved me, even when it would have been easier to just get rid of me. I don’t know how I can repay you.” 

“I- I don’t understand. I don’t know what to say.” Bucky was shocked, he thought you were scared of him. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be on the other side of the Winter Soldier. A young woman being almost choked to death by a machine. But here he was, being thanked by you.

You shook your head. “Don’t say anything, just listen. Thank you, you saved my life.”

A rare, small smile tugged at his lips. Those words changed him. Six silly words that came out of your mouth like sweet honey seeped into his fractured heart. He felt something, for the first time in decades. 

 Bucky cleared his throat. “I’ll leave you to it.”

You smiled at him, brushing back your hair. 

When you returned to the table much more composed, you finally asked for their order. One cheese and spinach omelet for the Falcon, one BLT for Captain America and just a black coffee for the Winter Soldier. Was this real life?

They asked for the check a while later, surprised when you said it was on the house.

“If I’d known you guys give food for free, I would have come by sooner.” Sam laughed.

“It’s not every day you get to see the man who saved your life.” You said with a smile. 

Both men turned to look at a now blushing Bucky. 

“Please, it was nothing.” He said shyly, not looking up. 

You nodded your head, a feeling of pride filling your body. This man who has only felt feared deserves to be awarded for his good. “He saved my life eight years ago when I wandered into a place I was definitely not supposed to be in.”

A smile appeared on Steve’s face as he patted his best friend on the back. “I’m proud of you Buck.”

----

The shift happened immediately after that day. Suddenly Bucky started to push Steve and Sam to take the graveyard shift with him more often, and when they stopped going he decided to go by himself. 

“My head feels clearer at night.” Was Bucky’s excuse once. 

But everyone could see the Sergeant’s true intentions. He had quite literally fallen in love with you, he’d slipped on the linoleum floors one night after missing the caution cone you’d put out, but Bucky couldn’t for the life of him figure out a way to ask you out. And today was no exception.

“Can I get you anything else?” You asked as you placed his regular order in front of him.

His lips were sealed tight and he shook his head furiously. 

You smiled. “I’ll be around if you need me.”

You’d become quite confused, he had flirted with you a couple of times now. Cute compliments would flow out of his mouth constantly, he’d even called you beautiful once as a pet name. But maybe you had mistaken his kind words for something other than what they were. 

“I’ll leave this here, whenever you’re ready.” You placed the receipt in front of him after he’d been in the diner with only his coffee for around 30 minutes. 

You didn’t expect him to grab your hand, and you certainly didn’t expect the sparks that shot.

“I will not be paying this.” He said, his eyes on yours.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “If you want I can get my manager.”

“I will not be paying this.” He repeated. “Until you accept my date offer.”

You went from confused to truly shocked, and he noticed because he immediately backtracked. He slapped the palm of his hand to his forehead, mumbling under his breath.

“I am so sorry, I don’t know why I just said that. I sounded like a total creep. You obviously don’t want to go on a date with an old man like me it- it’s just I think you are beautiful but more than that you are kind and I would love- if you gave me the chance to, maybe I’m not used to this modern way of courting but I think that-“

You placed your hand over his babbling mouth. “Of course I’ll go on a date with you.”

Bucky let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thank god.” His muffled voice said. 

[thethreeeyed-raven]

any hcs for dream of the endless?

love your writing sm 🫶🫶

dream of the endless headcanons

the kingdom of dreams | warnings : me professing my undying love for morpheus, dream of the endless is bbg you can’t change my mind, he’s just a sad cat | a/n : contains smut so if you don’t like smut go fuck urself uwu🥺 (IM JOKING) | tags : @knight-of-flowerss , @lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom | dream of the endless playlist

despite being perceived as cold and distant, he has a soft spot for people and wishes to be loved in return.

because he's literally billions of years old, he's definitely experienced🫣, but he's never experienced true love (its ok bbg i can love u💗)

he has an insane soft spot for you, and will do anything to protect you

ANYTHING

bbg needs love and affection, bro craves for it

he gets jealous very easily and you have to constantly remind him that you're there and will never leave him

very emotional but never lets it show (he just like me fr but i cant keep it in)

his love language is definitely words of affirmation

he loves to tell you how in love he is with you and loves when you tell him the same

not keen on pda, he prefers to show affection in private

bby is a loner and feels isolated even amongst others

though an ancient being, he too often struggles with insecurity

yk how it mentions he was cruel or whatever? he regrets it so much

stop hes my bbg i love him sm ill protect him with my life.

he fears loosing his sister death, as she is the only sibling of his he is remotely close to.

pookie was locked up for 100 years, he CRAVES physical intimicy

hes open to experimenting

tbh i dont think hes the type to enjoy rough sex, i think he would prefer it to be passionate and loving.

he likes it slow, he wants to take his time and feel every inch of you.

he likes to be dominant and to be dominated

[faithshouseofchaos]

Ok poll voting time (while I work on werewolf pato)

Franco x driver reader- She is a rookie who started before him and the others on the grid are protective of her since she has no one with her (her family never goes to see her or supports her). They start talking and the other drivers act like older brothers.

Summary — Oscar developed feelings for his mentor's oldest daughter and will do anything for her attention. Or three times Oscar tried to get Y/n’s attention and the one time he got it.

Mark Webber with wife reader. He was looking very sexy and all hot in his racing suit for the Moto GP. She's having a hard time controlling herself and Mark notices it. He teases her about it. Just something fluff and maybe a little suggestive 👀.

quiet day in with simi x gn! reader (it’s fine if you don’t wanna do gender neutral, i’m just a guy so fem stories make me a little uncomfortable) just cuddles and enjoying some quiet time during the prime parts of both of the drivers careers. alternatively, seb proposing to kimi and reader and shocking both of them (including kimi)

hi i don't think this is a real request but for franco colapinto it's kinda cliche ikr (but i believe in your writing skills so) older reader (u don't need to specific the age) who refuse to be with franco bc she thinks it's better for him to be with someone close his age, but ofc they're in love and franco is down bad for her even though she's kinda cruel sometimes so angst with a happy end? or at least something realistic? idk and it's up to u to add other stuff!

Well, maybe you could do something like Argentinian non famous reader (not necessarily Argentinian but u know) dating him and nobody knows about her, till one day they both went tired of people assuming he's single n PUM, hard launch. I don't know if I explained this correctly, English isn't my first language so I'm sorry bby 🥺

Already done and posted

So, imagine this: You're one of the beloved drivers on the grid – who is close to the Ferrari duo – known for their love of nature, especially flowers.One day flowers kept appearing in your locker room (?) and it kept going for months. At the end of every race when you went to change there were different flowers but no info about the sender. Naturally, you suspected Sebastian because that man is mother nature himself. After learning he's not the culprit you try to find out who's been sending you flowers. (Spoiler Alert: It's the Ice Man himself.)

Poly!Sebson x reader f1 x Greek mythology Dionysus!jenson and aristaeus!sebastian human!fem reader

[or0ch1maru]

kakuzu brainrot is real and it’s happening

can i ask for some hcs of him with a fem s/o that’s not only just as tall and intimidating as him, but also has a huge scar around her face?? :3

please and thank u !!! <333

hello bby :3 of course you can ^.^ I’m loving all the kakuzu asks I’m getting. Thank y’all for that. He my lil baby🥺 let’s get into it🫵🏻

•

-many people have shied away from you. Especially the boys and men growing up. Leaving you inexperienced in relationships.

-but that all changes when Kakuzu joins the picture. He loves you. He loves your height, the way people are scared off by you. Lastly, he adores the hell outta your scar and how you don’t try to hide it

-you never were one to be insecure, and if so, it’ll only last 5 minutes before you’ve moved on to something else.

-but with Kakuzu, you’ve never felt insecure or doubting your looks. He may be more of a silent lover, but his actions always show and prove how much this man is truly head over heels for you

-in bed, or any chance he gets, even if that means standing/sitting beside you during a meeting with the other members, you’ll find him trailing a finger over the scar on your face

-rubbing his calloused thumb over your chin and cheek before switching to his pointer finger, grazing where the scar tissue continues up and over your temple

-whenever Kakuzu wants you to look at him, he uses his entire hand. Thumb under your chin while the rest of his fingers and palm practically swallow the side of your face. Turning your head to meet his gaze, which softens the second your eyes meet his

-pulling down his mask to leave a path of kisses along the scar before planting a deep kiss against your lips

-“gotta remind you how beautiful you are woman” he’d mutter in between kisses

-two things you were completely unaware of is the picture of you that Kakuzu keeps in his wallet and how he asked his two artistic team mates to sketch a drawing of you to keep in his bed side table

-you happened to find it by accident when looking for your keys. Bursting into tears when you spotted it. Only for Kakuzu to walk in and find you, worrying, thinking something was wrong until he approached you

-sketch in hand as you turned to look at him with nothing but adoration in your gaze

-you placed the paper on the bed before wrapping your arms around him, nuzzling your face into his neck. Feeling his large arms wrap around your frame as he pulled you even closer into him

-“what? Is my girl surprised that I love her?” He’d mutter as a soft joke. Knowing your past and how he’s the only one who’s ever looked your way

-both his hands cupping the sides of your head, his thumbs sitting at the base of your chin. Tilting your head back so he can look at you

-“no tears woman” he’d start softly, only using this tone with you. “Gotta have somethin’ to look at when you’re not home” he’d reassure.

-giving your forehead a soft kiss before moving down to your lips

-he may hate everyone, have a deep love for money, but you, you are truly number one in his heart and he’d die for you

•

[sojutrait]

how does abby feel about chu hua's lifestyle change? (and new nose)?

she’s conflicted ! on one hand she’s always had a very hands off, let the kids do what they want to do and make their mistakes, approach to parenting. she thinks the riches and glamor is nice but she’s defiantly fearful that chu hua might lose herself in it. and as for emilio, she thinks they should get a divorce but at the end of the day she’ll support her no matter what she does. (dai lu however would’ve staged an intervention and forbid her for ever seeing him again djdkdk)

and as for the nose she supports that she’s free to do whatever she wants to do with her body but ofc she went all “but your nose was already perfect never change bby🥺🥺”

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Gifting your Husband Boudoir Photos

Featuring Schweiden Adlers

Schweiden Adlers x female(wife) reader (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: swearing, VERY suggestive

AN: of course I needed to give my Adler bbys some love 🫶🏻

Heiwajima

Biggest simp? Biggest simp 😌

Definitely beats about his GORGEOUS wife to his team all the time

“Hey look at this picture my wife just posted?” “She has a name you know-” “SHES MY WIFE!”

Literally Liberos would make the best partners, hype beast extraordinaries

Anyways, you and Toshiro have been married for almost a year now

You wanted to surprise your husband with the something you’d knew he’d love

🙌🏻 pictures of you 🙌🏻

See you casually replaced photos around your home with new sexy ones 🤪

You weren’t entirely sure your husband would notice

But like a dog smells good, your husband sniffed them out immediately

He walked in, stopped and looked at you

“Something’s different,” he said 🤨

You 👉🏻😙 🎶

Then he spots the first one, the one you replaced your wedding photo with

He walks over to it, picks it up and his eyes widen 😳

“YN what is this?” He asks

You just shrug and smirk 😏

He continues to walk around, finding all the photos and you start to hear groans emerging from your husband

“You good babe?” You ask as he turns to you

“You know we are never changing these photos back right?” He says as you giggle

“What about when the guys come over?” You question

“Ok maybe then but he do you maybe think you could recreate some of these for me? Perhaps for my digital gallery?” He questions

You giggle and shake your head, “well it’s a good thing I order digital prints too.”

Toshiro throws his head back, groaning and thanking whatever god gifted him such a beautiful wife!

Kageyama

The only two things Kags thinks about is volleyball and his gorgeous wife

Literally the fact that you can put up with him being the way he is

He is so blessed to have you as his spouse!

Now Kags is a workaholic and he’s constantly at the gym

So you often have to find creative and new ways to entice your husband to come home

Sometimes food works

But what really does the trick you ask 👀

Nudes 🙌🏻

You send this man a nude and it’s so long volleyball gym, hello bed for the next 8 hours 🥵

Man’s has stamina ok 👌

Kags has been at the gym for a solid week

Literally he’s home to eat and sleep

And honestly, you miss your husband

So what must we do? Send him something that makes him want to leave his volleyball forever

You: I miss you Tobio 🥺

Tobio: awe I miss you too baby, I’ll be home around 10

You: could you maybe make it a little sooner? *sends pic*

You: I’m waiting 😏

Tobio: 😳 are- are those new?

You: just got them back today

Tobio: is-is there more 👀

You: maybe 🙃

Tobio: I think I can probably be home by 7…

You: I’ll be waiting *sends pic*

Tobio: fuck this gym in omw baby!

You: good good excellent 😏

Prepare to be sore for the next few days Yn 🤪

Ushijima

Our stoic angel 😍

Oh how this giant bby adores you Yn!

Literally there’s nothing better than spending time with your husband

But oh do you LOVE to tease this man something fierce

Please he gets so flustered and blushes whenever you send him a risky picture

So you decide you haven’t tortured your husband enough for an entire lifetime so why not do the absolute most 💅

It was your 1 year wedding anniversary and you decided that you should gift your husband the first the keeps on giving

Pictures of you 😌

You wrap the photo album up and set it with his other gifts

This man always outdoes you in every way but this year, this time you will dominate!

So after opening all of your lavished gifts you finally gift Toshi the one thing nobody else can give him

When he opens it, he looks at the beautiful black valet cover inscribed with his name

He looks at you confused as you continue to urge him on

He opens the first page and immediately slams the book shut

His face turns best red as he avoids all eye contact with you

Toshi 👉🏻👀😳

You 👉🏻😏😏

He opens it again, gulping as he carefully thumbs through every single page, careful to not bend any pictures

It’s not until he gets to the picture of you in his Olympic jersey that he groans, adjusting himself as you continue to look smug

He closes the book, placing both hands on top of it and then looks at you

You 👉🏻 : D

“YN you know how much I love you right?” He says as you nodd

You 👉🏻 : D

“YN I’m going to say this and I mean it in the absolute most respectful way,” he continues

You 👉🏻: D

“I’m about about 2 seconds from breaking your back,” he finally says

You 👉🏻 : D 😐😳

And that, YN, was the story of how you spent an entire week recovering 😌

Hoshiumi

This man BEGS for nudes constantly

Literally he adores you and he keeps a running tab of your pictures

He even keeps a ✨tasteful✨ shot of you as his phones Lock Screen

But nobody can see it… he guards it with his life!!

When Korai’s away, he is always asking to see his pretty baby 🥹

Honestly he’ll take any photos of you

So you decide it’s time to ramp it up 👏🏻

Korai is at a few away games when you decide to make your move

You had some sexy photos done for your adoring husband and lucky you are just as cheeky as he is 😏

You send the first text, baiting him

You: Morning babe *sends picture*

Korai responds in .02 seconds

Korai: 👁️👄👁️

You: how are you? *sends pic*

Korai: 🥵 extremely frazzled right now…

You: oh really? *sends pic*

Korai: BABE IM IN A TEAM MEETING AND I JUST GOT IN TROUBLE FOR CHECKING MY PHONE

You: sounds like a you problem *sends pic*

Only Korai doesn’t respond after that one, instead you start a timer

Because you know your husband too well

10 minutes later, a new record 💅, your FaceTime is ringing as you casually answer it while cooking

“Hey babe! I thought you had a meeting?” You ask casually

Korai 👉🏻 >: ( you did this on purpose

“Did what?” You respond cluelessly

“Did you get those professionally done for me?” He asks

“Well your always asking for pics so I figured I should have a couple hundred built up,” you shrug

Korai 👉🏻👁️👄👁️ 100?!?!

Please Yn that man has never been happier to get home to you

Romero

This man ugh THIS MAN 🥵

Literally idk who’s the luckiest one in this relationship babe I’m sorry

It’s Romero, like look at the man!

But no matter what, you managed to get a good one

He’s an amazing husband and he absolutely worships you!

Literally he will open every door, present you to everyone like you are royalty

He talks about you like you are only woman in the entire word

He wears his wedding ring proudly!

And boy does he adore your body

Literally you could be wearing seat pants and he’s panting 😮‍💨

It’s your two year anniversary and your friend suggest you add some new “artwork” to your bedroom 😌

Mainly in the form of a giant photo of you over your bed

So you prepare, using your husbands favorite color lingerie in the photo in the sexiest pose allowed to be viewed

You manage to get it hung and boy are you excited, so excited that you ambush your husband the moment he walks in the door

You cover his eyes and say, “I have the biggest surprise babe!”

He smiles, “oh do you now?”

You giggle as you lead your 6’3” husband to your room and situate him just perfectly

You tear your hands away and shout “surprise!”

Romero 👉🏻😐😳

“What do you think?!?” You say, presenting your body

Please YN give your husband a second

His mouth has now fallen open and you are gonna need a mop in the bedroom ok 🤚🏻

“Holy shit baby!! You look fucking incredible!” He says getting on the bed and studying the photo up close

“You love it??” You gush

“Oh course! But I wish you would have put one in every room so I can just stare at you all damn day!” He chuckles

“Well lucky for you I got more!” You say, pulling out the other canvases

Please YN, you might need to inform the Adlers of your husbands sudden death 😅

Sokolov

6’7” simp? 6’7” simp 😌

Man’s literally worships the ground you walk on Yn

He adores you more than anything!

Another member of the “I wear my wedding ring and I’m proud club!”

He would wear a shirt that said “my wife is hotter than your wife”

Needless to say, this man will do anything for you YN

And since he travels so much, you have to keep things spicy right 😏

Which is why you decide that it’s important for you to show him exactly how much you miss him

So you decide to be a little butthole and send him cryptic messages all day to prepare him

Like first you send him an email that says, “I’m in your room at 9pm for a surprise ;)”

Of course the man’s is super curious like “👀 what does this chick have planned now?!?”

Then you continue the torment and send him little texts all day like “5 hours until your surprise!”

By 9pm the man is RUNNING 🏃‍♂️ to his hotel room

The team wanted to go out for drinks and suddenly your man’s has a migraine

Back in his hotel room, he texts you and says “ok babe I’m here!”

That’s when you drop that man an entire years work of spank bank material!

Like 200 pictures and that’s not even all of them!

At first he just stares like “holy crap! I shouldn’t be looking at these, I have a wife… WAIT THIS IS MY WIFE!!”

So instead he decides to pull out his computer and FaceTime you

You answer, casually sitting on your bed like “oh hello my love ✌🏻”

“Babe!! Holy crap!! You- you did this for me?!?” He shouts

You giggle and nod saying “I missed you Tatsu” 🥺

Damn Yn calm down, man’s is about .02 seconds away from getting on a plan back to you

“Baby I love them!! But umm now I’ve kind of got a little problem!” He blushes as you giggle

He knows he’s one lucky guy!

Hirugami

Ughhhhhh 😩😩😩 this man!! THIS MAN 👏🏻

He’s so hot it’s unreal!!!

And you get to be his wife?!? Dammnnn

Seriously he is such an attentive and sexy husband

Literally he walks around without his shirt on around the house and man 😮‍💨

Please YN clean your puddle of drool up!

Oh wait that’s me NE WAYS

he absolutely adores you and always talks about you

He knows how lucky he is to have the most supportive and fantastic wife

But that doesn’t mean you don’t get to tease him every once and a while 🤭

Specifically during practice

Because as the captain of the Adlers, he must remain stoic and attentive

So when he’s in the middle of a team meeting and his phone starts buzzing, he quickly checks it

And BAM NUDE

Fukuro rn 👉🏻😐😳

“Hey captain you good?” The guys ask as he snaps from his haze and shoves his phone back in his pocket

Unfortunately his phone keeps buzzing 😌

He’s already seen a few pictures and damn he wants to see more but he knows he won’t be able to contain his arousal

After the meeting, which he clumsily finishes he runs to the locker room and face times you

You answer, casually doing dishes like 😚 🎶

“Baby what was that??” He yells

You 👉🏻👀🤷🏻‍♀️ what-

“Baby those pictures! Those pictures!!! Are they new? Holy shit!” He whisper shouts as you smirk

“They might be new, maybe part of a photo shoot I did,” you answer coyly

Fukuro 👉🏻😳 so there’s more?

“A few hundred more,” you 😏

“Baby prepare yourself because when I get home, you’re all mine!” He growls before hanging up

You just giggle because wait until he sees the giant canvas of you naked hanging in your master bathroom 🙃

[alloutofgoddesses]

Percy Jackson TV Thoughts

(I’m a book reader so I know things and will reference them in this)

EPISODE ONE

THE WORD FOR WORD OPENING FROM THE BOOKS!!!!! GOD I love it

(all of us the moment we see a black Pegasus) BLACKJACK!! He’s looking after Percy even as he’s a baby 🥺

The actor for young(er) Percy does such a good job at being Percy

Who let an armoured Rhino loose in the city?

THE MYTHOMAGIC CARDS

Every time I look at Mr. Brunner’s wheelchair I just think about how eventually he’s going to be #pranked by the campers changing his fake legs out for Rocky Horror inspired legs

SALLY JACKSON MOTHER OF THE YEAR 17 YEARS RUNNING

Oh Percy oh my baby someone take his suffering and give it to Octavian

Mrs. Dodds is SO GOOD I desperately wish we had more of her

He doesn’t know that he can actually write with it though

Grover and Percy exchanging the stuff in their sandwiches is such a good little detail to add in there

Walker is an incredible Percy and Aryan is an incredible Grover

I LOVE the way Mrs. Dodds transforms into her Fury self (do we know which one she is? I always forget)

Is that Rick on the other side of the headmaster? Hey dude

Grover selling out Percy is WILD like I know they had a time limit for moving the plot along but I’d be mad at him too dam

Eddie yelling at Gabe was so funny… Gabe eat more fruits you don’t know how much time you have left to do so

People saying Gabe’s awfulness have been reduced aren’t necessarily wrong but… he answers Sally’s phone which suggests some stuff. I do hope they sprinkle in some of his terribleness throughout the season though

D’Angelos you say? 👀

As my mom said, his bags were already packed

what on earth is this little Kronos dude and why is he holding a lantern. I love his voice though

Did. Did they make Percy in a bunk bed? Sally. Please tell me there’s another bed in this cabin

I do appreciate Sally TV version being more forthcoming than Sally book version

My parents Did Not laugh at the Jesus joke which is unfortunate, it’s hilarious

Percy littol baby it IS okay honey

Aryan is doing an AMAZING job of acting like an adult who’s Done This Before… it was always hard for me to remember Grover being older than Percy in the books but Aryan has made it clear from the beginning

SALLY JACKSON BAMF OF ALL TIME

The boundary looks so far away y’all how are you gonna get there

What are we swearing on guys? Certainly not a river

Sally I love you SO MUCH all mothers, current or future should be TAKING NOTES

When is Chiron going to explain Anaklusmos if Percy kept it?

The Minotaur has such soft looking ears I cannot lie to you. I would try to pet them probably

Chiron he IS the one though. Both in the way Annabeth expects him to be and not

Oh my god these end credits??? Amazing they’re incredible! And so chalk full of spoilers

Omg a little teaser at the end!

EPISODE TWO

Annabeth that’s dramatic as HELL I love you bby girl

What is that thing on the nightstand next to Percy? It looks like someone fused a hairdryer to a kettle

PERCYYYYYY

I WISHED that’s how this worked my dude

I have seen this clip on the internet before so I knew it was coming but it’s Very Funny

“But did you?” PERCY

The first and last time Percy will ever be respectful to a god

Mr. D is so goddamn funny, thank you to the casting director, the actor, and the actor’s friend’s child who told him how big of a deal this is (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, the actor went on a talk show for press)

I’ve never experienced a New York summer but how is Chiron wearing THREE layers

They’re ancient and they’re COWORKERS it’s amazing

Helpful little ‘gods make demigods do stuff they can’t’ sprinkle there good foreshadowing

These cabins are beautiful

THE HEARTH IN THE MIDDLE HI HESTIA

Not Percy thinking he’s immediately going to get bullied 🥺

YES love that we get to see a dryad and a little of Grover talking to the Cloven Council!

TRANSITIONS

They would get really squishy you’re right Grover

I can’t wait to see Mr. D do some god shit

Ope Kronos is back hey dude. Is he wearing a cloak?

Me, turning to my cat, named Hermes: You’re a FATHER?!?!

Seriously though what is Clarisse’s deal? Why bully the new kid? I have to assume it comes not only from her dad being Ares but other stuff

WHEELCHAIR!!! Disabled rep is AMAZING

Hey I’m pretty sure I won that lighter

I love that Chris is like “Yeah technically but she’s the goddess of failure” like that’s helpful but not helpful

Percy trying to talk to his mom is adorable!!! I wonder if it actually got to his mom or if someone else heard it, like Hades or Poseidon

He’s made some friends!! Oh Percy you don’t even KNOW how many friends you’re gonna make

Perseus I love you

Okay but who’s fixing the stall

Glad Annabeth got to stay dry this time

SPEAKING OF ANNABETH GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! She was one of my IDOLS as a kid and now I get to experience her being a kid and watch Leah crush it

Luke you stay away from her you don’t get to call her your little sister

The forbidden kids? Different from The Big Three but I don’t hate it

Oops well I’ve been pronouncing Thalia wrong more times that I have pronounced it right

The actor for Luke, Charlie, is showing just enough subtle dislike for the gods and his life at camp that it’s only obvious if you’re looking for it. I can’t wait for people to be able to go back and see the hints being laid out

How many generations of campers did it take for the rope bridge to get full of ribbons, and do they serve any purpose

I can’t wait for the armour adjusting moment to be paralleled. Even more so, I can’t wait for the gif sets that will come out of it

I also floss if I am made to stand still. It’s a great stim, I can’t blame Percy

AND HE GETS TO PET A LITTLE CREATURE?!?! Honestly he’s living his best life

The only rule you paid attention to maybe

FIGHT CHOREO MY BELOVED

Sorry Clarisse but maybe you shouldn’t go after the new guy with unknown skill levels

ANNABETH THAT WAS SUCH A HARD SHOVE

Omg the lake, the infamous lake, the very important lake

Honestly I’m sad that 1) no hellhound 2) we don’t get to see Chiron pronounce him the Son of Poseidon? I’d like to know why they made that choice

Love that Chiron went “Congrats on the dad reveal you have to go solve his problems now”

HE IS SALLY JACKSON’S SON FUCK POSEIDON

Grover Underwood you will always be famous

Give me more immediately!! Next week I’ll be at my grandparents house with EIGHT other people, including a five year old. I’m hoping his mom will give me permission to indoctrinate him into the fandom. If not I’ll just make everyone still awake watch it after the kid goes to bed

NEXT WEEK TEASER!!! Very exciting

[lost-girl-2021]

The drabble about little Spider meeting dad areSOOOO SWEET!! What would Miles’s reaction to Spider kissing him on the cheek? I feel like if he doesn’t breakdown and start crying right then and there, he’d definitely mentally go “beaudhdodjddj my bby 🥺 I’m never washing my face again 😭”

Okay, so I think Quaritch would absolutely lose his mind meeting Spider, let alone actually getting a kiss on the cheek or a hug or something. Like, I feel like he’d probably pick him up and then just not put him down for the rest of the visit. The last time he saw the kid, he was just a little baby. And now? He can talk! He like Spiderman and eating grass (what the hell are you feeding my kid, Lyle?) and once he overcomes his shyness, he can just talk forever. And his dad will act like he’s the most interesting thing in the world (because, he is, to Quaritch).

I think that the visits would become somewhat regular (like every Sunday/every other Sunday is Visit Dad Day). Spider also probably brings him drawings and Lyle prints out pictures. I’d imagine Quaritch also probably has Lyle keep everything from Spider’s childhood. Every photo, every sock and drawing and baby tooth.

He likely feels really bittersweet when Spider tells him about his week. Because, he loves talking to his son, but he hates that he can’t be there to witness the moments himself. They probably talk on the phone once a week or so, too. I’d imagine Quaritch has his son’s schedule memorized.

When Spider gets an official diagnoses of asthma, Quaritch loses his goddamned mind. He has to console a crying seven-year-old while trying not to panic. And Spider didn’t want to tell him, but he already knew by the time Spider went to visit, so he’s mad at Uncle Lyle on top of everything. Quaritch fakes an injury just to go to the prison doctor and find out everything he could about asthma. He finds out another prisoner has asthma and basically interrogates him on everything to do with the condition.

Spider probably goes through a rebellious phase around thirteen or fourteen where he’s ferociously independent and tells his dad absolutely nothing about his life. Like, he stills goes on visits and talks to him on the phone, because that’s still his dad, but he doesn’t give the man anything. This boy used to tell him the color of his pee, but now he won’t even tell him what he had for lunch that day. He’s at the age where he’s also embarrassed by everything and pretends that he doesn’t think anything’s cool.

By the time Quaritch gets out of prison, he’s probably chilled out on the teenage angst, but things also change a lot. He’s unused to having access to his dad practically 24/7. Quaritch probably tries to tuck him in and shit at first. Because, even if he’s fifteen, he’s still the curly-haired baby he was before Quaritch went to prison. There’s definetly an adjustment period, I think.

Also, also, also, I think that Quaritch is super overprotective of Spider. Especially when he’s out of prison, because he couldn’t do anything about the bullies before. But, now??? If Spider comes home with a papercut, he’s ready to throw hands. A teacher gave his son a bad grade, even though he’d done everything right? He’s at the school the next morning, intimidating as fuck and demanding to speak with someone.

[ladylooch]

I’ve had a long day and I just wanna cuddle with timo imagine Emma and timo cuddling 🥺

-🌸 anon

A/N: Oh no bby. I must have known cause I had this idea of Em being sick and really leaning into T. So, here is Timo and Em to brighten your day 💕😘

The second I open the door to the mudroom, warmth covers my chilled body. I set my work bag down on the bench then slowly lower myself down to it as well. I sigh, closing my eyes and rubbing at my temples, searching for relief from this sinus headache. A shadow dances across the kitchen floor in front of me. I can see a baby on his hip as he moves. I smile despite the awful, persistent ache in my throat. 

An illness started washing over me after I left home earlier this morning. I kept trying to push through- drinking water, attending meetings virtually, keeping my distance from others. I had meant to head for home around 3:00pm, but then the caterer for an event on Friday called. They had a fire in their kitchen and could no longer support the number of attendees. 

So instead of heading home, I worked until 7:00pm, making frantic, pleading calls to all my contacts in New Jersey until I finally found one who owed me a big enough favor. My voice was giving out as I was saying my goodbyes to them.

Tenderly, I push myself back standing, groaning at the aches settling into my body. I sway slightly, dizzy from the pressure in my head and the change in position. I move into the kitchen where Lio is guzzling down some water from his Devils sippy cup while his dad finishes loading the dishwasher.

“Hi mama.” Timo smiles over his shoulder. “Long day?”

“Yeah.” I respond. Timo’s smile drops immediately.

“Baby, you sound terrible.”

“I feel worse.” I murmur, walking towards him. I pause, look at Lio. “I should stay away. You have a game tomorrow too. I’ll sleep in the guest room.”

“Absolutely not.” Timo scoffs. “He’s is ready for bed. Go sit down on the couch. I’ll make you something to eat when he’s down.”

I nod, then wander into the living room. I lay down on the cream couch, falling asleep immediately after my boys disappear upstairs. I awaken to Timo brushing my hair off my cheek. 

“I think you’ve got a fever.” He murmurs, extending his hands forward with water and Tylenol. I sit up, then a cough suddenly shakes my shoulders. Timo pouts, rubbing my back. “Time for bed.” 

“I haven’t eaten today.” I confess. 

“You? Skip meals while working? Never.” 

“I’m sick. Don’t lecture me.” I whine. He wraps an arm around my waist. I cling my hand to the back of his shirt for stability as we head up the stairs. 

“Get changed. Get in that bed. And I’ll be back with something to eat.”

“Baby, I wanna cuddle.” I moan, grabbing his wrist when he turns.

“I’m going to infuse you into my body when I get back up here. But you need to eat something. Your body needs nutrients to fight whatever you have.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. His lips brush against the end of my nose, making my eyes close. “Love you, baby. Go get comfy.”

I do as I’m told, tucking myself into all of Timo’s clothes. When he comes back into the room with a sandwich, he smiles softly at me.

“You look so cute.”

“I’m pathetic.” I say after blowing my nose. He hands me the plate, watching me until I take my first bite. 

“Whole thing.” He circles the plate, then motions to my mouth.

I eat four more bites, almost half the sandwich before I literally cannot keep my eyes open anymore. Timo takes the plate from me then gathers me into his arms. He leads my leg over his hip, tangling his hand into my hair. He gently rubs his fingers into my scalp, releasing more tension as I whimper. Chills shiver my body, so he tucks me in even tighter, bringing the covers up above my shoulders. Feathery kisses are placed along my face. Timo brings his other hand to my cheek, stroking my red skin.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well, baby. Wish I could trade places with you.”

“If you keep kissing me you’ll be miserable too.” He chuckles.

“Love you so much I wanna share all your germs.”

“Shhh.” I murmur, bringing my finger up to his mouth. He kisses along my finger, working his mouth into my palm. He then moves my hand to cup his side. “Love you, T.” I barely mumble before I’m drifting off again.  

Several times during the night, I wake up because I’m coughing so hard. Every time, T sits up with me, rubbing my back. I whimper after the latest one. My fever is coming back and my teeth begin to chatter in my mouth.

“I’ll get you some cold medicine this time.” He says, walking into the bathroom. “All we have is kid stuff for Lee.”

“I’ll take it.” I croak out. 

He hands me the dosage then disappears back into the bathroom. 

“Come here.” He whispers, gathering me back into his arms. “You are staying home tomorrow. No work.” I nod. “I’m going to skip morning skate to take care of you.” I nod again as he pulls me tighter into his chest. His lips ghost my hair. I melt into his strong body, appreciating how well he is taking care of me. “I’ll take Lee to Lexi tomorrow night for the game. Pick him up after. You’re only job is to rest in this bed.” My nod is extremely lethargic this time. His lips softly brush over mine, barely connecting. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, holding him down to me.

“There you go again… loving me perfectly.” I feel his lips tilt up.

Then his hand presses into my lower back, trying to devour me into his chest until there is no me or him, just us.

[marisramblings]

Can we get a part 2 of this ? 🥺🙏

I would love to see mhins reaction the next morning to his monster Version being all cuddle bby with mc.

Monster!Mhin pt 2 (no warnings) pt.1

Mhin wakes in the early dawn with a deep groan. Everything hurts and the pale light makes their head throb. They transformed last night. At least the damage was contained to the house. It will take them all day to recover, they might not be able to hunt soulless. They want to spit, but the transformation always leaves them with dry mouth.

They take a deep breath and try to move. This will hurt. It always does. The pain nearly makes them faint, but they grit their teeth. Something shifts and and Mhin down. You’re asleep on their chest, completely unaware. Their memories are in pieces but a brief flash of you trying to hold them emerges.

They sigh. You seem fine enough but there are little cuts and scrapes on you and a purpling bruise on your temple. No matter how much they push you away, you stick like glue and now you’re hurt.

“Why are you so stupid?”

They pick you up, ignoring their screaming joints, and deposit you onto a couch. They pick through the discarded aid kit for some salve and clean your wounds. You never stir.

How can you trust me this much?

Mhin reaches out to touch you again but backs away. They quickly wash up and change clothes, bringing a blanket to cover you.

They start to clean and find a hand drawn map. There’s something written on the back of it.

Dear Mhin,

I hope you do not mind that I sent someone else in my stead. As much as I want to, I am unable to be in two locations at once. If you are still aggrieved about my actions, I will purchase the patisserie box that you have been eyeing for some time.

I wish you good health,

Kuras

Every curse word they know flows from their mouth like toxic water. They’re sure Kuras will be “occupied” for the next few days as their temper cools. All this effort to keep their distance and they’re still known so well by two people.

“G’morning, Mhinnie.” Their cursing must have woken you up. They turn to apologize but something clicks in their mind.

“What?”

You bolt upright. “What?”

Mhin feels their face flush. Another piece of last night emerges. Every little nickname you had for them passes by and their blush deepens.

They turn away and stomp over to the door. “I need to get some food. I’ll be back.”

[vampirae]

bby i see you posting here and the situation makes me go🥺 cuz I wanna see your new posts every damn minute I enter this site you make us(followers) miss you so much 🖤🖤🖤🖤

and please let me know about your thoughts on 8th house synastry

this man has his Mars and Moon on my 8th house and idk what the F*** does that mean astrologically😭

Baby 🖤🖤🖤 how are you doing my beloved? 🥺 I miss you so much 🥹

Anyway, 8th house overlay may be so intense for both; it's never casual, something that's unforgettable. In my personal experience, both people feel understood, deeply connected.

~ the 8th house person usually has moments of fear and paranoia, they feel so attracted, so sensitive, even way too attached, the fear that it may be an illusion, or the other person isn't that serious or doesn't reciprocate the intensity and feelings scare them.

~ the planet(s) individual feels oddly different when in company of the 8th houser; they may even change their behaviour or adopt habits of the 8th houser.

~ in many case both of them feel strangely different; both of them undergo some change in their psyche and personality/behaviour.

~ 8th house moon individual feels very open about their trauma and feelings, even a capricorn moon could open up and being emotional with 8th houser. Both of them feels emotionally nurtured and accepted, their past and traumas are being "healed" or at least it doesn't hurt as much as before.

~ 8th house mars is sexually intrigued and oddly irritable yet patient. There's a lot of fights and misunderstandings, both are sensitive and dramatic. Usually, fights particularly in person can be tamed by the underlying explosive lust and desire. Furthermore, usually it can signify that both of you have similar kinks and fantasies, it's like you have manifested the "perfect" partner in that area; someone that can finally satisfy your fantasies.

~ 8th house synastry creates strong bonds, so if a relationship is formed it's for a long run; accompanied by 7th house placements it leads to marriage too.

~ Jealousy, paranoia and possessiveness it's also pretty normal to see with this bonds, same goes for toxicity but it doesn't bother them (unless we're talking about freedom loving signs such as gemini, sagittarius or aquarius placements mostly sun/moon/venus) because it steams from a deep longing or obsession or just codependency.

~ future projects particularly relating to money and business it's something that is talked very often between and by the couple.

~ with moon and mars there's a lot of ambition in relation to gaining money together (even with not so honest means), it's a need for a comfortable relationships, gifts and spending money together is also a pattern (even for hotels), or sexy stuff.

~ sex or sexual dependence is a serious issue and matter here. I'm talking about satisfying orgasm, pleasing sexual fantasies becoming reality etc

~ with mars and moon nurturing/caring about eachother and being protective it's on daily basis

Personally I'm such a great fan of 7th, 8th and 12th synastry; it's so deep, transforming, serious energy, very emotional and sensitive but you feel loved and secure that you can't stop daydreaming about a future together.

So bonus points if one of you or both have this house overlay, or 11th particularly for sun (so you'll be great friends not only lovers). 7th house Saturn though it's not auspicious for marriage (it may means delay in marriage), same goes for Saturn in 8th and 12th house if you care about mental health.

[menelaiad]

What do you think of the Antilochus-Menelaus friendship ? I so wish she was explored more, middle aged and his widdle bby friend 🥺

was it not me that didn't shut up about this dynamic like ..... almost 2 years ago??? i think it was.

no, but for real. when you read the iliad this dynamic can certainly fly under your radar. menelaus as a whole can get fucking lost in that book lmfao. but if you read it with hyper-menelaus-vision like i do everything in my life - it's shocking how prevelant that dynamic actually is.

menelaus doesn't interact with a lot of people in the iliad. there's aga, ajax, achilles (well, achilles calls him a dogface and menelaus doesnt really respond but yknow). now, him talking to aga makes sense. ajax is addressed when menelaus needs help on the battlefield (to save odysseus and to defend patroclus) he's the muscle menelaus needs in those moments.

but he talks to and works/fights with antilochus. the most. (outside of aga but their dynamic is ofc gonna be different) antilochus isn't. a big deal. really. he's not one of the leaders. one of the OG big guys. but he's with menelaus in maybe like 30 - 50% of his scenes in the iliad? and for a guy that doesn't appear in the iliad a lot to begin with. that's a lot.

with a oral poem like the iliad there will be a lot of repetition for events, even if the characters change. but i'm sure there's an event that's repeated twice - menelaus calling for ajax's help and then summoning antilochus. again. the ajax thing is explainable - he's a main player. he's also beefy as shit. he can help menelaus YET menelaus summons antilochus as well. why him? using ajax twice for defence makes sense. but summoning antilochus both times (instead of changing to another sidecharacter greek) is purposeful. he CHOOSES him. menelaus clearly forms this attachment to antilochus after book 5 when the lad comes to his rescue.

it's also sweet how in the book 5 moment, there is a mirror between hera's concern for menelaus and antilochus'. hera having this maternal angle to her as well implies that this concern is FIERCE. it's protective. and antilochus feels the same.

i also think it's sweet that antilochus is like menelaus' lil right hand man UNTIL patroclus dies. and then menelaus almost. gives antilochus back to achilles. antilochus and menelaus fight side by side until patroclus dies and then antilochus becomes achilles' right hand man. like. menelaus gives him back. knows how good of a companion this boy is. sees achilles' grief and like .... offers antilochus as a balm to help. patroclus' death is menelaus' fault. and menelaus certainly sees it that way. and to help achilles combat this newfound lonliness he offers up .... his only friend in the whole iliad.

LIKE in the funeral games. menelaus is mad that antilochus has broken his trust and their friendship. it was never really about the prize for menelaus (he fucking gives it to antilochus anyway???? like????) he's so upset because antilochus 'played dirty' and breached his trust. THAT'S why menelaus kicks off. and yet he doesn't stay mad for long. he almost cant??? he and antilochus have been through a lot in the short span of time that the iliad takes place. and i've said it before. menelaus is not a proud man, compared to most in greek myth. he will back down. he will admit defeat. and he does it here too. ofc he does?? this is his friend!!! but not before he gets emotional and upset about being betrayed because menelaus just FEELS so much. he is such an emotional and attached character.

EVEN IF IT'S NOT THAT menelaus' anger could be from CONCERN. antilochus has stayed alive for so long and boy is now gonna die cause he cant drive?! menelaus WILL NOT have that. it could be panic or fear. either way. i dont think his outburst comes from a place of malice or 'sore loser' at all.

and like do you gotta make me say it???? antilochus forces menelaus to face his guilt. he LITERALLY SAYS:

NO OTHER ACHAEAN COULD HAVE BROUGHT ME ROUND SO SOON. YOU HAVE SUFFERED MUCH AND LABORED LONG ... ALL FOR MY SAKE.

menelaus yields, yes because antilochus is his friend but antilochus is also SO FREAKIN YOUNG. he's probably spent half of his life (or damn close to it) at troy. for menelaus. and menelaus is not blind to that. antilochus embodies all the young men that came to troy for him that have died for him or at the very least have fought and suffered. menelaus' love and care for antilochus is almost symbolic of his love and care for all these lads who came to troy. antilochus represents the army that menelaus carries on his back and cares about so much. and i think the paternal angle to their relationship almost highlights that. menelaus is compared to a mother directly and his relationship with antilochus emphasises this. and that's why their dynamic so so sweet and important to me. their story begins with antilochus coming to his aid and ends with menelaus thanking him for all he's done. menelaus is not blind to the help of this boy or to the army as a whole.

to conclude:

[kingkatsuki]

Not me opening tumblr, seeing your pfp change and SPRINTING TO YOUR PAGE to find the immaculate kajo art. Zen really popped off!!!!

Do you have any kajo lore/a story behind that moment of you two listening to music together??

AHH! Thank you so much Kail bby! Zen always does an insanely good job with like the bare minimum I give her (I’m so sorry always) but like she’s so kind and considerate😭

Originally my idea was based on a silly Kaji headcanon I did about him making you hold his headphones for him while he gets into a fight, except it he puts them on your ears because he doesn’t want you to hear anything.

But the more it evolved I think it’s his first love confession to me🥺 and he’s petrified of saying the words because he’s never told a soul that he loved them before me. So he spends ages picking the right song, and he just tells me that he wants me to listen to something and it ends up being this song😭