#it’s bc i’m poor and i’ve been spending too much money tbh

[kadee-pn]

12.15.22

def have not been consistent w this 😃 the thing is, it’s not like i’m forgetting to write down my daily happenings, but it’s because there isn’t much going on in my life tbh :,) i spend most of my days at home since it’s so cold outside and my mother is afraid i’ll get sick like the rest of my sibs 🥲 i’ve been watching my fav show ofc vampire diaries, reading some romance ya from the library, got hooked on too hot to handle s4 (i love trashy realities tv shows), doing chores w my mom, driving the kiddos around… very lowkey not very interesting stuff but it’s nice. it’s getting a bit boring but also i told myself that i need to be bored during winter break bc i def didn’t allow myself to breathe very much during the quarter. so, i think this is a good thing for me. cant get over how beautiful alameda is during december. literally straight out of a fall episode of gilmore girls. the air is so chilly but so crisp here. i’m poor so i’ve been considering to go see sza, sabrina carpenter, + sik-k but i think i will have to prioritize bc my bank is low :,D seems like sza nosebleeds are the move rn. looking forward to babysit when i come back to la and having a sense of routine and independence again. i hate the feeling of having to ask my parents for money :( anyways, another chill slow day of doing chores today; probs gonna read or listen to a podcast :) hope you all are staying safe and warm <333

kd

struggling to come up w song of the day bc i need new music T-T but i love “meet me in amsterdam” by rini

[neverdoingmuch]

now hear me out,,, an au where lan wangji is an editor who works for an erotica publisher and wei wuxian is essentially chuck tingle. (also lwj writes romance novels on the side)

wei wuxian didn’t plan to write erotica he wants to make that really clear, he was actually studying like biomed or something equally “oh wow my parents can brag to the other parents about this”

but, as frequently happens in wwx’s life, he got drunk with nhs, like really drunk and they woke up the next morning with a laptop on the floor beside them and loose paper strewn everywhere

they don’t really remember what they were doing or thinking last night but they’ve both drawn a bunch of really shitty and weird porn (the less said about the anthropomorphic version of wen chao’s pet turtle the better) and wei wuxian has like 20,000 words of an erotica story on his laptop

when he starts reading it, at first he’s like haha what the fuck this is so weird but then it turned out to be really good??? and nhs blushed at some of the ~sexy~ scenes so that’s how wwx knew he was writing the good stuff

anyway they’re sitting there, eating their hangover food and wei wuxian goes so uh my story was good right? and nhs is like yeah it was, top stuff i would buy it and wei wuxian goes what if i actually wrote it,,, haha just kidding,,,,, unless?

and in his defence he doesn’t actually write anything for the story for another like three months but then he finds himself in the middle of exam season and he’s like fuck it stress relief let’s write some erotica

he finishes the book and his exams (which he does well in but whatever) and then spends his summer holidays editing the book

when he comes back, he slaps down a paper copy on nhs’ desk and is like i finished it. nhs, thinking he meant his latest lab write up, opens it up to a random page and starts reading it out loud which was a Mistake

he trails off mid-sentence, and whips around to glare at wwx with all the wrath he can muster. it’s raunchy nhs says and just read it wwx tells him so nhs does

like 2 hours later nhs turns to him and says if it wasnt for you and the librarian staring at me the whole time i definitely would’ve felt something and wwx is like so it’s good? and nhs is like fuck yeah it is but i dont get what you want from me?

pretty much wwx passed out after exams, slept for like 20 hours and then woke up and went i should publish this and decided that nhs should draw the cover art.

nhs agrees of course and a month later wwx self-publishes bc there’s no way he can walk into a publishing house with his porn and not just combust on the spot and he decides to go by the name yiling patriarch

wwx clicks the final button to upload the fic and nhs just toasts him and goes yknow what,, this is the closest you’ve ever gotten to having sex and i’m proud of you

wei wuxian is the man who guarded his first kiss for the first twenty years of his life for someone special,,,, wwx definitely wants his first time to be special and there’s no way he’s putting out for someone he doesn’t think is important & despite having dated before, he’s never gotten close enough to someone to go yeah let’s do it so our boy is still a virgin

so wwx’s entire erotica writing inspiration comes from porn, nhs’ way too in-depth answers as to how his latest date went and uh more porn

wwx blusters about a bit bc how is he meant to respond to that and nhs is like maybe you’ll finally move on from reading those trashy romance novels and read something more exciting and wwx is like how dare you call them trashy!! hanguang-jun is a master of the romance novels!! he understands the heart in a way that no other person has ever!! 

and nhs just chugs a bunch of wine and is like yeah hon okay, do you still blush when the main characters hold hands? and wwx is like no! of course not! (it’s a lie, he blushes a lot)

so nothing really happens with the book at first and wwx forgets about it for the most part but then he wakes up one morning and he’s got an extra like RMB 1000 (i dont actually know much about currency so it’s roughly $200 if my quick interneting is legit)

wwx is like wtf? and once he finds out it’s from his novel he’s doubly like wtf? but then he finds out that someone had purchased his book and did a dramatic reading on youtube bc wwx decided that regular erotica was boring and decided to make it satirical or whatever and people loved it??

he’s got nothing better to do so he just goes hm yeah remember that Author i dated who had an “incredible idea that would absolutely amaze The Critics and helped explore his own convoluted mind” let’s make something of that and he writes another book kinda mocking that idea in a very horny way.

he publishes it and someone writes a review of his two books on their blog and now he’s actually starting to get popular - he’s got more money from those two books than he did by working at the local cafe for the whole week

wwx is poor and broke and semi-disowned anyway by this point so he goes fuck it and spends every moment he’s not studying writing erotica. 

he publishes another like five books by the time the year is out (i know the maths isnt working here but this is a book world where wwx can just do that via the power of loneliness and friends who egg you on)

also?? he varies his books. some of them are porn parody things a la chuck tingle and some of them are genuine porn and one book was just him writing a recipe book but making it sound as horny as possible

by the time he’s published his like 8th book or so he starts getting reviews that are critiquing his book and most of them boil down to the fact that he needs an editor or something 

he ends up asking nhs for help and he’s like oh sweet my brother’s boyfriend works for a publisher who does that sort of thing

cloud recesses actually specialises in erotica and i hate the idea that lqr has spent years reading and editing erotica but sacrifices must be made

(side note that i know nothing about the writing or publishing process so pls don’t judge me too harshly)

wwx goes in with his latest manuscript and ends up arriving like ten minutes late, he rushes into the room sweaty and hot, takes one look at the guy sitting on the other side of the desk, flushes an even brighter red and runs back out of the room. he checks the plaque on the door and walks back in slowly and goes hm i didnt expect you to be so hot

cue lan wangji

lwj has always enjoyed being an editor. what do editor do specifically? idk? edit? regardless, he enjoys it. 

while most of the time he’s happy working from this side of things he also likes writing

lwj fucks. he deserves it tbh. but, while he’s had a tonne of one night stands and fuckbuddies, he’s never actually dated someone. so the fact that he’s writing romance novels under the pseudonym hanguang-jun makes his friend jzx laugh a lot

he tried writing porn once and he just couldn’t do it. it was always too clinical or vague and lacked any actual passion bc he was always going oh okay mc sucks a dick but the guy i slept with last week was like a 6.4/10 when it came to sucking dick so maybe mc should also be bad at it or whatever and it just ends up falling apart,,,, but romance he can do

as an editor lwj has pretty high standards for good erotica but he’s really found himself enjoying yiling patriarch’s work even though he’s clearly just been editing himself so when the guy sent cloud recesses an email asking whether they’d be interested in his latest book lwj was ecstatic. 

he also didnt expect wwx to be so hot

anyway,,, we now get to enjoy a week of lwj thinking that wwx is super hot but even more annoying and then him deciding that annoying is hot and now wwx is just absolutely amazing and wwx is just panicking the entire time 

i want my publisher to rail me so hard wwx texts nhs and nhs just responds has he read the bdsm scene with the alien who has a tentacle dick and a knot yet? and wwx is like no??? nhs just goes shame, it will give him so ideas for if you ever grow a backbone and just ask him out

they publish one book together and nothing happened between them the entire time other than yearning and horniness,, of the heart and body. 

when wwx realises this means that he won’t get to see lwj again he immediately writes a new book and like a month later he’s back in lwj’s office, lying on his couch while whining about the cafeteria prices at university

lwj is very enamoured by the fact that wwx is writing erotica and studying biomed bc wow

they do this for like another three books and wwx’s eroticas evolve from here’s a dinosaur man fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on to be like here’s a dinosaur man with black hair and golden eyes and a stern look to his face fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on

and hanguang-jun’s latest book?? i dont want to say that this au’s version of wangxian is hanguang-jun finally finding inspiration to write porn (his muse is wwx of course) and writing the most amazing porn with feelings and plot novel ever,, but it is. 

wwx read it five times in the first week and when nhs finally tried to read it he was like uhhh wwx are you a narcissist, the love interest is exactly like you? and wwx is like ??? no???? he’s nothing like me??

anyway one day wwx gets called into lxc’s office and lxc is like so i’ve read your latest book (not the dinosaur man, a serious one with like normal people and not overly humorous thank fuck but still full of lwj yearning) and wwx is like okay? and lxc goes yes, see i was worried that you didn’t care very much for my brother but after reading your book i’m not so sure and wwx gets the weirdest shovel talk ever which is interspersed with like compliments for his porn writing skills

anyway lxc accidentally mentions that lwj writes books too and before he can take it back wwx is like who??? and lxc is like are you fucking stupid?? you told lwj to his face that you loved his books,,, he broke his theme of tender romance to write kinky sex with a character that’s a lot like you and wwx is like .,,,,,,,,, hanguang-jun??? HANGUANG-JUN???!!

lxc barely manages to confirm it before wwx is sprinting out of his office and across to find lwj.

regretfully for everyone else, lwj is in the lobby so thirty people get to hear it when wwx comes in and shouts LAN ZHAN!! back then, i really wanted write porn about you! ... i think i have actually? but i want to write porn about you and i want to be able to do the research to make it accurate! and i also want to go on dates and hold hands and feed each other food! and i love you a lot! 

lwj is dying inside bc his brother’s bf is there, his uncle is currently waiting for the elevators and a whole bunch of staff are also there but also wwx likes him??? dinosaur man was lwj??

he goes over and they make out for a really long time right there in the middle of the lobby but no one wants to get between them when they’ve been pining for so long

after that they start dating and they do all the romantic stuff but also,, let’s just say that the next book wwx publishes is a lot more creative than all of his previous books

and they become some writing power couple with horniness of the heart and body and sometimes wwx will be like hey lwj i don’t really know how the logistics of this sex scene will work and lwj will be like we could try it out ourselves? and wwx just pats him on the head and is like im sorry but you dont have enough dicks for it to work ),: better luck next time

[talesoftextposts]

Exactly! Crestoria is not the only game they don't really keep tabs with. A while ago i played a saint seiya game by them and it had many many issues. If you cannot have multiple games with quality than please don't. Is bad for us and the employees, those poor people must be going crazy :c

At first I liked kasque, quite different than what I would expect from a goddess, but I ended disliking her...

I feel kinda bad for aegis just being a punching bag for jokes and Yuna just being there to look pretty, they have a lot of potential for the story. Like you said Yuna had a great point and a good reflection moment but whatever eh? Aegis too, I felt his story like a punch on the gut because I tend to be like him and the queen, but again, whatever...

I do the arena for the free stuff too! I am not competitive at all XD

hello again anon!! im going to do another readmore gksghkeg

yeah i honestly...ugh. i have just a lot of issues w bamco in general but i also Do Not want them to pay attention to me jic they tell me to stop making memes or something stupid like that— like genuinely instead of making the game more functional or adding like...idk. any story or shit that makes Sense they just added things like the transcendence board which is just. for ppl who already maxed out their ascension boards?? after like 6 months??? Y'ALL... ik for a while too the phantom tower was Waaayyy too difficult but i think they nerfed it back to normal considering i can now clear thru level 40 at least :/ but overall the game is just. geared towards ppl who drop fucktons of cash on it. if you look at the ppl in the top 3 in arena rn? you KNOW they've spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on this game. what the fuck.

also minor gripes are just...they don't add very many new units anyway, compared to like even asteria, and i get that there's effort for the whole models or w/e but...i mean if rays can do it... and i don't mean that in the rate that banners are released, bc those are...kind of annoyingly often as of late (looking @ all the crestoria cast alts) but the fact they're only for 1 or 2 charas who are Only ssrs, and it genuinely makes r and sr stones and sr charas just...obsolete and useless imo? like i genuinely have EVERY sr AND r full awakened/ascended which. is probs partly due to the drop rates being Absolute Garbage, but thank god they implemented a pity system, right? ...right? [tired sigh] i've saved enough for julius who has been in crestoria for 228 days, bamco, fucking release h—

i also want to add that i've contacted support MULTIPLE times abt issues w the game and they have legit just told me "hm sucks have u tried playing the game w all other apps closed" like yes, bamco, but that's not the problem??

SORRY for several paragraph rant abt the gameplay i just have some very strong opinions LMAO

i understand not liking kasque! tales antags...and characters in general, actually, are rather hit or miss. i personally just love evil women so im rlly in love w her GSKEHGESKHG

but as for the aegis and yuna things... YEAH. i rlly love them both and it's been extremely disappointing to see how they've been treated by the story :( like even if yuna's acting silly to cover her own feelings, it would be nice to get those scenes we get in other tales games (like...idk even the scenes in xillia like where alvin and elize sit and talk in the park, and leia talks w i think jude or milla depending on the route?) considering it's like...is penelope going to be okay? can she ever go back to her?? is she okay just crossing the sea and leaving her, even if there's really no choice??? sorry for the character introspect i just have a lot of thoughts—

aegis too, it's like. i don't mind teasing to an extent, but i really feel sometimes they go too far w it :( esp in like. events and the character episodes moreso than the main story (tho i could be remembering incorrectly) which makes me wonder if they just have different writers for each but even THEN like the main story still fails to act like yuna and aegis Exist half the time?? and JEEZ yeah i am constantly thinking abt aegis and queen rebecca, esp imo it's just a very... well first of all, that has to be Traumatizing As Hell but second of all i strongly headcanon he was unable to say it bc he didn't mean it and also i have a headcanon that the whole event has kept him from ever saying the words "i love you" ever again so that's that on THAT. (these are my headcanons pls don't send me hate over them they're not canon i promise—)

and honestly same!! i used to be sss rank and then i stopped caring abt arena for a bit and dropped a couple ranks...oops. i'm currently s-5 and had to FIGHT to keep myself there this season. it's not that i rlly care abt winning or being high ranking. or first, even, i just want the prizes from being at a certain rank/placing tbh. which is why.....................................oh im so tired of the ppl with lvl 120 fully awakened new ass units like i GET IT you have MONEY but i am not spending that much on a mobile game!!

ANYWAY thank u for coming to my ted talk omfg im so sorry this is so long (again)

[ntshastark]

ok, I’ve finished watching it so here it goes:

Bridgerton final impressions

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Daphne: I love her!!!!!!!!! I loved her on the book and I loved her on the show. My only complain is..... The Scene........ The way they changed it up made it so they could’ve easily swapped The Scene for a confrontation. I guess they didn’t want Simon to be the only asshole of the two but then they never addressed how Daphne was wrong too??? They just use the Whistledown voice-over to basically say “oh she’s desperate so it’s understandable” and then kinda shift all the blame onto Violet - and, don’t get me wrong, her sex talk is shit and she should know it, but what Daphne did was already after Rose really explained her how sex really works, so ignorance isn’t really an excuse....

Simon: I love him!!!!!!!!! I loved him on the book and I loved him on the show. My only complain is how they handled his daddy issues arc’s resolution. Like, Daphne just tells him he doesn’t need to be perfect to be loved and! Just like that! He is cured! Childhood trauma? I don’t know her! They don’t even address the real problem, which is Simon going from living to please his father to living to spite his (dead) father, and the book just handled it SO WELL, I really don’t understand why they changed it in the show.

I hope Simon and Daphne don’t get brushed off to the side now that their book’s story is over. Simon and Anthony’s friendship still needs a little patching up; there’s the Will and Alice storyline that, if they choose to continue, Simon will likely be involved in; and Daphne is pregnant during Anthony’s book, so they can do something about that too, and maybe about her helping out Eloise during her first season... I know they won’t be the focus of the story ever again, but I just hope they keep showing up like ABC and E did on this season, and aren’t just mentioned to be doing their own thing off-screen like Francesca was.

Anthony: .......................................................Sigh. I don’t know who that incompetent, irresponsible, lovesick idiot is, but it’s sure as hell not Anthony. They literally took everything about his character, cut into pieces, made a nonsensical collage and called it characterisation. The real Anthony has an incredibly strong sense of duty and responsibility to both his title and his family, because he feels he has to do it as good as his father would - which, in his head, is perfection. He doesn’t skip and/or arrives late to important events because he’s fooling around with his mistress, and he wouldn’t just wave away his responsibilities to his brothers - especially because they are also his responsibility. The real Anthony cares deeply about the happiness of his siblings, and does everything to secure them the Happily Ever After he himself doesn’t believe he’ll ever have. He would never force one of them to marry someone they clearly despise, especially with no serious reason. The real Anthony was a rake who jumped from bed to bed without letting himself create real attachments, because he deeply believes he’s going to die young and can’t bring himself to make someone go through the same pain his mother did when his father died. He simply wouldn’t remain seeing a woman if he thought he was developing feelings for her - and that only changed when he was forced to marry Kate - and he definitely wouldn’t ask someone to run away with him when he’s finally free of society, jesus fucking christ what the hell even was that?????? And so they - knowing he was going to be next season’s protagonist, mind you  - took all of the characteristics Anthony developed in the 10 years since his father’s death, largely because of Edmond - both in how he raised him and in how his death traumatised him - and said “hey, what if we make all of this happen in like 3 months, and be all about that opera singer he kissed once in the book!”

Violet: I love her, but I feel like they sacrificed a lot of Anthony’s character for her sake......... The Nigel thing is a great example of that: The way she solved it was amazing, but for that to happen they had to make Anthony cause the problem in the first place, which was so ooc it physically hurt. And the way she’s constantly reminding him of how much he sucks as a Viscount, and even straight up saying that his father would’ve been much better was icky tbh

Eloise: Loved how they explored her relationships with Daphne and Benedict - and the queen thing was funny - but that’s about it. She’s so incredibly entitled holy fuck. Combine the fresh-faced feminist who just learned the buzzwords and now thinks sexism is the single biggest plague to ever walk this earth with the spoiled rich girl who wants the entire world to bend to her whims and refuses to do anything she doesn’t want, and that’s how you get show!Eloise. But, tbh, I don’t really mind. She’s a teenager, that’s just how teenagers are. We didn’t really see that much of her before the time jump in the books, she has a long way to go until her story takes center place, and I’m perfectly ok with us watching how she becomes the woman we see in TSPWL. Basically, not that big of a fan of her characterisation, but she is in a spot where she can spend some time turning into the woman from her book - unlike Anthony :)). My big issue is actually how her going from vehemently anti-marriage as a teenager to happily married and with a bunch of kids as an adult is going to feed such a tired trope...

Penelope: I love her, obviously, but oh boy is she fucked. I agree very much with this post re: what she did to Marina. I guess, because LW was initially just a writing device to allow for exposition, the show is gonna go WAY deeper into how the things that happen to Penelope (and her being a teenager) affect what she writes, and into the consequences of doing what she’s doing, but honestly? They might have overplayed it...... I really don’t see how in the fuck they’re gonna make the ending of RMB work in the show’s universe - and I already thought the books glossed over the consequences way too much. So, uh. Good luck I guess.

(Also, I wonder what they’re gonna do about that heir cliffhanger. I just assumed Penelope was gonna do what she does in the books and find a way to give part of the Whistledown money to her mother. Gotta admit it never occurred to me that, with all the Featherington children being women and their father being dead, the title and what comes with it technically belonged to a uncle or cousin or something)

Marina: I fucking hate them for making me get attached to her knowing what’s gonna happen. This poor girl, jesus christ. And, ok, a lot of times she seemed rude and ungrateful but 1. Her situation was fucking terrifying and 2. She was suddenly thrown into this world of pampered, superficial, and naive girls, and that can test anyone’s patience. Also, yeah, the whole manipulating Colin thing was not cool, but, again, it was either that, an elderly likely-abusive husband, or a life of shame on the margins of society, so uhhh.

(Also, that scene when she said she would love for her, Penelope and Eloise to be sisters........ And I thought Eloise becoming Oliver and Amanda’s mother couldn’t hit me any harder......... Imagine an AU where George survived and he and Marina get married and Eloise marries Philip and Penelope marries Colin and they’re all sisters-in-law to each other and I cry my eyes out)

Colin: Gotta be honest with ya, chief... I don’t think he passes the sexy lamp test. Missed his and Daphne’s special relationship, missed his love of food, missed his sense of humour... At least he and Penelope were cute. I’m actually already shipping them more in the show than in the books.

Benedict: I think they’re trying to mirror him being in a relationship with a woman of no status (now Genevieve, then Sophie) with being gay and hmm. Really not sure about it. He does seem bicurious to me but I think they’re hesitant to give him an arc focused on exploring his sexuality when we know his love story is gonna be with a woman (but then again, they weren’t afraid of giving Anthony an arc about having a relationship with a woman of no status when we know his love story is gonna be with a perfectly respectable one, so *shrugs*). Once again, very glad they decided to make him and Eloise so close from the get-go. It’s going to make that scene on TSPWL where Benophie’s son gets sick so much more meaningful and painful, I can’t wait.

Siena and Genevieve: They’re both amazing women with an incredible friendship. Benedict and Genevieve have the relationship I was hoping Anthony and Siena would have, from the trailers.

Francesca: Glorified cameo. Disappointing. I know she doesn’t show up much in the books other than her own, but that should just have been seen as an opportunity to do whatever they wanted with her! Not make her disappear for 6/8 episodes! Hope they show more of her on the next season.

Gregory and Hyacinth: They’re baby. The scene where Gregory makes both Anthony and Simon fall on the water should’ve been there. Loved Hyacinth acting like she’s Simon’s BFF. Loved that they cut Hyacinth’s “wait for me” scene bc it reminded me too much of my annoying little cousin and made me not like her for the longest time.

Lady Danbury: 10/10. Please hit me with your cane. Am currently entertaining the idea of having her and Violet get together.

Barry B. Benson: A cold-blooded murderer

Overall: This didn’t fit into any character, but oh god........... the lack of chemises............ But  I loved the show, even if some things annoyed me,  and I can’t wait for season 2 AND MY GIRL KATE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mrswanggae]

Hi! This post is really for no one in particular I just really want to put this in writing and get it out there because this is how I want to cope. Read this, don't read this, love it, hate it, say what you want, I don't care. I have come to term with my feelings, and I don't think anyone's words can invalidate them.

Enjoy.

My parents are divorced, always kind of have been, I dont remember them ever being married. I have a brother who is 7 years older than me and my mom has primary custody. My dad left when I was 10, and although I loved him and I was surprised, I wasn't all that upset. He wasn't the best dad, he had a shitty on/off relationship with this bitch named Kim that outwardly hated children. He was toxic, he always had a headache and was always in a mood, you the regular shit.

Thats not too important, just a little back ground.

I always hated my mom and I still do. She never beat me, never starved me, never out right did anything technically, but just everything she did was to hurt me emotionally. At least that's what it feels like.

I always struggled with keeping my room clean and cleaning up and staying organized and paying attention and I lied a lot and I didn't really know why at the time. I was a bad kid, I will give her that much, but its her fault, I feel, that I was like that.

Every single day, my mom made comments about how poor we were. Looking back, we weren't. Don't get me wrong, we weren't rich, but we definitely weren't struggling to eat and pay pills per se. I internalized that a lot and it still affects my spending habits as an adult. (I'm 18 but you get my point). My mom would whine and bitch that we were so poor but would turn around and go spend 300 dollars on a leg massager. She would buy a lawn chair and shit we didn't need and I took that to mean that I couldn't ask for anything. A lot of times I didnt eat at school bc I thought it was too expensive. I didnt ask my mom for lunch money or toys or food or anything. Instead, occasionally, I would steal money from her. I don't know why. Genuinely. I think that's how my 7-9 year old self decided to deal with the stress and impending doom I always felt about money. Say what you want about that, but I've grown and learned from that trauma and there's nothing I can do about that now.

Another thing is that I always lied. Even when i didnt need to lie, I did. I wouldn't turn in school work, and lie about it. I would eat the last pack of pop tarts, and lie about it. I would lie all the time about everything and tbh I don't know what caused that specifically but I do know what contributed to it.

I was always in trouble growing up. I know, I lied and stole and shit, but before and after that I was always in trouble. I would get grounded for eating the last pack of crackers, for eating candy, for not cleaning up, for going out when I'm 'not supposed to', etc. I did lie, but that should've been a warning sign to my mom that smth was going on, and not that I need punished, bc that obviously didn't work. I did steal, but that self corrected. The bad shit I did do, I deserved to be punished for, but I didn't do that much bad shit!

I would be grounded for eating the rest of the marshmallows, but I didnt eat them. My brother did. My mom looked at me and said "just admit it. I asked Connor and he said he didn't do it so it must be you. You're a liar, you're bad. Admit it!" It was always like. She believed Connor so easily and not me bc he was 'perfect'. This went on before the lying too, so don't say that its bc I was, in fact, a liar. Hes always been her favorite. My brother would watch as my mom screamed in my face, called me horrible thing, threatened to burn everything i owned except a pair of clothes, threatened to take everything from me, all over some marshmallows. That I didnt even eat!

It was like this every day.

My mom used to make me clean as a punishment. You know what that means!! Rebelling through my nasty room and unclean habits. She would yell and scream that I was disgusting. That I was gross and nasty like a pig. That no one would ever be my friend because I'm a disgusting pig. I was forced to clean up after everyone. My mom would cook and bake sometimes and somehow I was still the one that made the mess. So I would scrub cupcake pans and clean frosting off the counter. I would clean my brothers Mac n cheese pots bc he never did. I would sweep and mop the floors after everyone refused to do it. I would scrub base boards bc somehow that was also my fault. I did dishes, unloaded and reloaded the dish washer, cleaned kitchen counters, the dining room, swept and mopped the house, cleaned base boards, picked up dog shit that somehow no one noticed until I got home from school. I would clean bathroom counters, toilets, bath tubs, the laundry room, hallways, hell I even had to mow and edge the yard (starting when I was like 9) bc Connor didn't want to and he got whatever he wanted. I did everything.

My room was horrendous. It was cluttered and cramped bc of my moms hoarder tendencies. She bought everything she came in contact with and filled the house with crap. It wasn't until after she started to really bully me that my room became gross. I was always in trouble anyways, right? I was already a pig? Already had no friends? So what's there to lose? So I just did what I wanted. I kept bowls and cups in my room. I didn't clean at all, I ignored my mom, I did what lever I felt like because I was too far gone anyways.

I'm older now. I know that im fine and im not this shit little kid anymore and my mom can't do the same shit she did back then. But I just get so angry about it. I guess this is part 1? Idk when or if ill update at all. I have so many more stories. I just- ugh.

I always had a hard time dealing with things my mom did to me, because I didn't know it was truly that bad. I thought I was over reacting, that I had no place to complain. She wasn't hitting me, so its okay right? Wrong. I am valid for feeling the way I do. I am valid for being angry. I have to tell myself that because what she did was wrong.

[shelbyfm]

sorry this is late babes ! i got busier than i thought i was going to so without further ado i’ll put the cliff notes version of sy shelby’s starling existence under the cut and you know what to do from there !  🖤  but  if  you’re  gonna  slide  into  my  dms  do  it  on  scarlet  bc  that’s  where  i  am  on  mobile  ! 

jack gilinsky. cismale. he/his.  ／  josiah shelby just pulled up blasting st tropez by post malone  — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty - four year old center fielder for the los angeles dodgers, i’ve heard they’re really -abrasive, but that they make up for it by being so +audacious. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say the creak of a well - worn leather glove, shotgunning another cheap beer just to feel alive, and the taste of copper on your tongue. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble !

. ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒    .

NAME  :  josiah  david  shelby  .

BREAKDOWN  :  josiah  (  god  supports  ,  heals  )   david  (  beloved  )  

NICKNAMES  :  sy  ,  jd  ,  josie  (  finn  only  tbh  )  ,  shelbz  ,  shel-bay  ,  bay  .

AGE  :  twenty - four  .

BIRTHDAY  :  november  twenty - third  .

ZODIAC  :  scorpio  &  sagittarius  cusp  .

GENDER  :  male  .

PRONOUNS  :  he  /  him  .

NATIONALITY  :  american  .

ETHNICITY  :  english  ,  french  ,  italian  .

HOGWARTS HOUSE  :  hufflepuff  .

MBTI  :  estp  (  the  persuader  )

INSPIRATIONS  :  lucas  scott  (  one  tree  hill  )  ,  adam  parrish  (  the  raven  cycle  )  ,  nick  miller  (  new  girl  )  ,  ron  swanson  and  andy  dwyer  (  parks  &  rec  )  ,  adam  groff  (  sex  education  )  .

HOBBIES / SPECIAL SKILLS  :  baseball  ,  procrastination  ,  midnight  snacks  ,  getting  the  last  word  ,  saucy  brow  lifts  ,  sleeping  in  ,  running  away  from  his  problems  ,  hitting  first  and  asking  questions  later  ,  developing  newer  and  more  creative  defense  mechanisms  .

VICES  ;   acerbic  ,  brash  ,  careless  ,  cataclysmic  ,  defiant  ,  duplicitous  ,  destructive  ,  greedy  ,  ignorant  ,  meddlesome  ,  narcissistic  ,  obnoxious  ,  provocative  ,  reckless  ,  selfish  ,  troublesome   ,  vain  ,  volatile  ,  wanton  .

VIRTUES  :   athletic  ,  challenging  ,  charismatic  ,  curious    ,  debonair  ,  forthright  ,  fun - loving  ,  intrepid  ,  invulnerable  ,  jocular  ,  loves  his  sister  so  much  he  could  die  ,  loyal  ,  passionate  ,  playful  ,  protective  ,  witty  .

PINTEREST  :  xx

˚  . ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃    .

sy  was  born  poorer  than  poor  and  spent  his  formative  years  watching  his  grandmother  do  her  very  best  to  keep  the  dust  from  coating  everything  in  their  ramshackle  little  trailer  in  oklahoma  .

his  mother  wasn’t  around  much  .  after  running  away  to  chase  after  one  band  or  another  and  coming  home  with  her  waistline  significantly  thickened  ,  she  didn’t  much  take  to  motherhood  ,  not  when  running  off  to  the  nearest  dive  bar  or  casino  to  spend  whatever  meager  paycheck  she  could  scrounge  up  was  just  so  tempting  .

in  fact  ,  sy’s  memories  of  her  are  often  fleeting  .  she  was  a  whirlwind  of  a  woman  ,  beautiful  despite  the  hard  life  she  led  ,  but  in  and  out  the  door  too  fast  for  him  to  ever  really  get  to  know  her  .  and  after  some  of  his  grandmother’s  jewelry  ended  up  in  the  pawn  shop  twenty  miles  up  the  road  she  didn’t  come  around  the  house  anymore  when  she  found  the  locks  changed  .

sy’s  grandmother  ,  affectionately  known  as  nan  ,  did  her  best  to  raise  her  grandson  better  than  she  had  raised  her  daughter  .  though  truth  be  told  ,  the  practice  wasn’t  much  different  ,  his   mother  had  just  been  a  bit  of  a  bad  seed  .

religion  and  discipline  were  a  staple  and  so  every  sunday  found  the  pair  walking  to  the  church  in  their  parish  to  give  thanks  and  receive  the  blessing  ,  a  tradition  that  sy  hasn’t  kept  up  with  since  her  death  but  i’m  getting  ahead  of  myself  .

his  nan  made  a  modest  living  for  where  they  lived  ,  she  wasn’t  spoiling  the  boy  but  it  was  enough  to  put  food  on  the  table  and  get  them  to  and  from  where  they  needed  to  go  .

he  had  a  few  close  friends  in  the  neighborhood  and  they  usually  got  together  in  the  evenings  to  play  whatever  games  they  could  ,  sometimes  soccer  with  a  ball  that  looked like  you  could  put  your  foot  through  it  ,  or  basketball  on  the  single  hoop  with  no  net  that  was  somehow  still  standing  in  the  local  “ park ”  .  summers  were  spent  walking  down  to  the  pond  that  passed  for  a  swimming  hole  to  get  some  sort  of  relief  from  the  heat  .

he  picked  up  a  job  at  one  of  the  local  motor  shops  to  help  with  the  bills  ,  though  his  nan  insisted  he  spend  his  time  working  on  his  schoolwork  first  .  he’d  still  slip  a  portion  of  what  he  came  home  with  into  her  purse  when  she  wasn’t  looking  .  

he  played  sports  in  school  ,  their  community  doing  what  they  could  to  scrounge  up  funds  for  a  ramshackle  team  for  each  sport  .  he  primarily  ran  track  and  cross  country  (  in  a  uniform  that  looked  like  it  was  straight  out  of  an  80′s  movie  and  felt  like  it  too  )  .  he  was  a  decent  hurdler  and  the  fact  that  he  usually  walked  everywhere  he  needed  to  get  gave  his  stamina  a  certain  edge  on  the  kids  who  were  better  off  .  but  his  true  passion  was  baseball  .  sy  could  write  poetry  about  the  diamond  ,  and  most  of  the  assignments  he  managed  to  turn  in  involved  the  sport  somehow  .  (  he  almost  got  caught  cheating  once  when  he  turned  in  a  paper  that  wasn’t  about  it  but  he’s  always  been  lucky  af  )

their  school  team  wasn’t  anything  special  .  they  played  with  heart  and  had  fun  doing  it  but  they  were  never  going  to  make  it  to  state  with  nothing  short  of  a  miracle  even  though  it  was  clear  sy  (  and  a  couple  of  his  buddies  )  had  the  potential  to  be  more  than  just  has - beens  who  got  stuck  living  in  their  hometown  for  the  rest  of  their  lives  .  during  sy’s  eighth  grade  year  ,  his  junior  high  team  made  a  pretty  valiant  push  and  made  it  to  the  regional  championship  but  they  were  simply  out - spent  by  some  of  the  other  teams  and  came  home  disappointed  .

someone  must  have  recognized  sy  though  ,  because  a  few  weeks  later  a  letter  arrived  from  one  of  the  elite  baseball  camps  in  the  country  stating  that  he  had  been  sponsored  to  attend  for  the  summer  .  his  friends  were  excited  for  him  and  it  was  probably  the  best  summer  of  his  life  ,  but  tensions  rapidly  grew  sour  when  he  returned  home  ,  after  all  ,  none  of  them  had  been  granted  such  an  opportunity  and  they  wondered  what  made  him  so  special  where  they  weren’t  .

it  certainly  didn’t  help  that  he  got  home  and  noticed  their  trailer  was  a  little  refurbished  ,  they  had  a  new (  ish  )  television  and  a  cable  antenna  on  the  roof  without  the  pieces  of  foil  sy  had  stuck  to  it  at  an  attempt  for  better  service  .  and  then  little  gifts  started  to  arrive  here  and  there  ,  new  cleats  ,  a  better  glove  ,  all  things  with  the  sheen  of  wealth  attached  to  them  and  all  in  the  name  of  this  new  sponsor  he  seemed  to  have  attracted  .  it  didn’t  go  over  well  with  his  friends  and  he  could  see  the  jealous  glint  in  their  eyes  which  led  sy  to  hide  away  the  new  treasures  ,  or  take  them  out  back  and  absolutely  destroy  that  gleam  that  came  with  new  gear  .  

high  school  was  not  a  time  he  wanted  to  spend  ostracized  ,  especially  when  everyone  in  town  always  looked  back  on  it  like  it  was  the  golden  time  of  their  youth  before  they  settled  down  into  the  daily  grind  of  adulthood  .  he  was  nothing  short  of  angry  and  miserable  ,  his  loneliness  that  festered  into  rage  finding  a  nice  outlet  in  smashing  his  fists  into  the  noses  of  whoever  crossed  his  path  or  looked  at  him  wrong  .

it  was  around  that  time  that  a  girl  showed  up  on  his  doorstep  ,  all  knees  and  elbows  and  with  a  big  smile  insisting  she  was  his  sister  .  judging  from  the  own  sparkly  state  of  her  attire  ,  sy   managed  to  put  two  and  two  together  as  to  just  who  his  new  sponsor  was  and  promptly  shut  the  door  in  her  face  .  (  the  fact  that  his  mother  had  suddenly  come  out  of  the  woodwork  and  ran  into  him  around  town  on  occasion  to  ask  for  money  was  another  clue  .  she  could  sniff  out  money  anywhere  )

finnley  buchanan  was  a  revelation  to  him  .  persistent  to  the  extent  of  climbing  in  through  his  window  to  press  her  point  home  until  sy  was  forced  to  accept  that  this  nonsense  story  she  was  spinning  about  his  father  and  her  mother  had  a  certain  ring  of  truth  to  it  .  he  didn’t  want  a  new  family  ,  he  was  content  in  his  small  town  with  his  nan  and  his  friends  and  everything  would  go  back  to  normal  just  as  soon  as  he  tossed  all  his  shiny  new  stuff  in  the  trash  .

his  nan  wasn’t  having  it  ,  plain  and  simple  .  she  wasn’t  going  to  force  him  to  reconcile  with  a  father  he  had  never  known  ,  but  she  certainly  wasn’t  going  to  allow  him  to  pass  up  an  opportunity  to  get  out  of  their  tiny  little  town  .  and  so  sy  kept  going  to  those  baseball  camps  every  year  ,  and  after  keeping  in  touch  with  his  new  sister  to  a  point  where  he  was  forced  to  accept  the  unlimited  texting  plan  she  forced  upon  him  just  so  his  nan  would  stop  good  naturedly  grumbling  about  the  amount  of  time  he  spent  tying  up  their  landline  .

he’d  spend  a  few  weeks  a  year  with  her  family  ,  a  holiday  here  and  there  ,  his  eyes  almost  falling  out  of  his  eyes  the  first  time  he  walked  into  a  house  with  an  honest  to  god  foyer  .  he  didn’t  exactly  see  eye  to  eye  with  his  new - found  father  and  step  mother  and  they  didn’t  seem  to  want  to  get  to  know  him  much  beyond  tossing  money  at  a  problem  to  solve  it  (  not  that  he  allowed  them  to  really  know  him  )  

he  didn’t  even  accept  their  money  for  college  ,  stubbornly  insisting  on  getting  in  on  his  own  merit  .  and  thus  shipped  himself  of  to  north  carolina  upon  accepting  a  scholarship  .  the  guitar  skills  he’d  picked  up  in  his  lazy  weeks  spent  with  the  buchanans  and  his  classic  good  looks  made  him  immensely  popular  which  didn’t  bode  well  for  the  state  of  his  ego  as  we  know  it  .  between  classes  he  managed  to  further  perfect  the  art  of  binge  drinking  and  beer  pong  and  with  his  scholarship  only  covering  tuition  and  board  ,  he  found  himself  employing  his  fists  at  night  to  earn  some  cash  for  incidentals  .  something  that  very  nearly  got  him  kicked  out  of  school  when  he  showed  up  to  practice  with  a  split  lip  and  bruised  knuckles  a  few  times  too  many  .

but  luck  was  on  his  side  and  he  was  drafted  after  his  sophomore  year  before  they  could  start  a  more  thorough  investigation  into  his  extra - extra - curriculars  .

sy  spent  about  a  year  working  his  way  around  the  farm  system  of  the  minors  while  they  tried  to  refine  his  issues  before  getting  called  up  to  play  for  the  baltimore  orioles  .  he  played  for  them  for  about  a  year  but  after  a  run - in  with  one  of  the  batting  coaches  that  was  rather  hush  hush  he  was  unceremoniously  traded  to  the  los  angeles  dodgers  . 

˚  . ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘    .

being  a  cusp  baby,  he  kind  of  bounces  back  and  forth  between  his  moods  .  most  of  the  time  he’s  all  jokes  and  sarcasm  .  but  catch  him  at  the  right  time  and  he  can  be  broody  AF  .  

he  is  a  lot  smarter  than  he  looks  ,  but  that’s  an  incredibly  well  kept  secret  because  on  the  outside  he  is  a  Professional  Idiot.

makes  the  worst  decisions  i  have  ever  seen  anyone  make  ever  .  highly  impulsive  and  should  never  be  allowed  to  give  someone  any  sort  of  advice  .  

unless  you’re  asking  what  to  put  in  your  solo  cup  or  if  you’re  craving  a  midnight  snack  .  then  he  is  10 / 10  your  guy  .

he  is  incredibly  loyal  ,  so  long  as  it  serves  his  purpose  .  because  at  the  end  of  the  day  he’s  still  an  impulsive  idiot  and  that  devil  on  his  shoulder  made  the  angel  tap  out  years  ago  .

bought  his  nan  a  new  house  with  his  signing  bonus  and  sent  her  money  to  take  care  of  her  with  what  he  had  but  since  her  death  he’s  doing  his  best  to  spend  it  on  the  dumbest  shit  possible  and  acting  out  in  one  way  or  another  because  he’s  still a  child  .

tldr  :  he’s  a  piece  of  shit 

˚  . ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒    .

 just  going  to  add  a  little  disclaimer  that  i  am  the  biggest  hoe  for  anything  angsty  and  painful  .  i  also  love  love  love  when  people  slide  into  my  dms  with  a  hc  or  two  .  

𝐞𝐱 - 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬  ;  for  whatever  reason  there  was  a  huge  falling  out  and  now  things  are  just  super  awkward  .  half  the  time  at  parties  they’re  just  on  opposite  sides  of  the  room  mean  mugging  each  other  until  booze  and  tempers  flare  .

𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠   ;  these  two  were  never  supposed  to  be  a  thing  .  in  fact  ,  before  this  past  summer  they  hardly  ever  spoke  and  when  they  did  the  discourse  wasn’t  exactly  pleasant  .  but  there’s  a  fine  line  between  love  and  hate  and  all  it  took  was  a  couple  of  drinks  before  the  dynamic  took  a  turn  .  

𝐞𝐱𝐞𝐬   ;   i’d  sell  my  soul  for  something  that’s  just  angsty  and  messy  .  maybe  they  were  at  the  point  of  saying  the  l  word  .

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐬𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬  ;   all  that  sneaking  around  ,  taking  the  back  doors  in  and  out  of  places  .  meeting  up  in  darkened  corners   👌 👌 👌  that’s  that  shit  i  do  like

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞   ;   i’m  such  a  sucker  for  a  good  bromance  or  two  where  the  gc  is  just  filled  with  memes  and  dragging  each  other  up  and  down  the  wall  .  but  at  the  end  of  the  day  they’re  you’re  boys  and  no  one  else  can  talk  shit  about  them  but  you  

𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬   ;   a  fwb  here  and  there  ,  the  odd  one  night  stand  ,  someone  who  you  just  look  at  and  want  to  punch  them  in  the  face  for  some  inexplicable  reason  ,  an  unrequited  crush  (  on  either  side  )

[enbyboiwonder]

Tagged by @frozenmemories1987

So I don’t really understand how this one works, so I’m just gonna answer all the questions and number them consecutively. Upfront I’m gonna say that I’m not tagging anyone, but as always, if you wish to do it, consider yourself tagged. Also, this is going under a read more. Save the thumbs of any mobile users

01. What was the last movie you watched in theaters?

It’s been months, so I can’t remember, sorry

02. What’s your favorite game to play?

Currently it’s Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker 2. I hadn’t played it since I got it (and beat it all in one go), and I forgot just how much I love this game. It’s like Pokémon meets Dragon Quest, and it’s amazing. On the one hand, making a team entirely of dragons might be a bad idea, but on the other hand, I freaking love dragons. I should probably synth one with a healing skillset if I’m gonna do that - possibly Cure-all since that’s got Multiheal. My current party is a Lv 20 great argon lizard named Rory, a Lv 24 slime stack with Cure-all named Sticker, and a Lv 19 aquestrian gladiator with Huntsman named Mizuno. When I leave them to their own devices, Mizuno really loves using Penny Pincher, which tbh I cannot fault him for - normal damage plus the chance to pinch a few gold coins? Heck yes. At least he’s got 44 MP, so I haven’t had to change his tactics to “Don’t Use Magic” yet (the skill costs 2 MP)

03. Chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate

04. What’s the last show you binge-watched?

NUMB3RS (though I’m still working on that one)

05. Do you have any pets?

No

06. What’s your favorite fairy tale?

I dunno. I don’t actually read very many fairy tales

07. Who’s your favorite superhero?

Superhero stuff doesn’t normally appeal to me, but I do like Cisco Ramon/Vibe and Ray Palmer/The Atom from CW’s Arrowverse

08. Who’s your favorite Disney princess?

Erm, Rapunzel, I guess?

09. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after social distancing is over?

I know I’m gonna hang out with my friend like we were planning to before this started, but as for where... probably Barnes & Noble since that’s where we usually go, but who knows (I say, knowing full well that neither of us know where to go, and we go to HPB when we’re specifically looking for a book but default to B&N bc of the café and seating area)

10. Cookies or cake?

Cookies

11. What show could you watch over and over?

Monk, CSI, and Psych, to name a few

12. Favorite song lyric?

See, I have to believe that there’s more than this seems More than a soul in a boat in a sea of sinking dreams And I have to be sure that there’s gonna be a cure ‘Cause, somewhere down the line, I lost that part of me that’s pure

 - Where We Belong by Thriving Ivory

13. Favorite season of your favorite TV show?

S14 of CSI, probably

14. What never fails to make you smile/happy?

Seeing I’ve got a comment on AO3

15. How are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (coronavirus, having to do social distancing, etc.)?

My lifestyle hasn’t changed at all, though for some reason I’ve actually been getting way more crocheting and video-gaming done than usual (at the expense, of course, of less reading and writing and TV-watching. Unfortunately). But we have lost business at the doughnut shop so I haven’t been working as many days - usually I work Monday and Friday - which, on the one hand, less money, but on the other hand, I’ve gotten more rest so my bruised ribs (from coughing; I had strep about a month and a half ago, and that always leaves me with a cough for a while, though it’s never been this bad before) are mostly healed now

16. We all love new music to listen to. Name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out:

Thriving Ivory/Midnight Cinema (same band, different songwriters; Thriving Ivory is more piano-driven and leans more toward alt/alt-rock, while Midnight Cinema is more pop)

17. TV shows or movies?

TV shows

18. Favorite holiday?

Halloween

19. A song that describes you:

I’ve always related to Some Kind of Home by Thriving Ivory

20. Describe your tumblr in three words:

“hella queer animal-lover” idk

21. What’s your favorite hobby?

It depends on my mood, but rn it’s crocheting!

22. What’s your favorite book and/or a really good book you’ve read recently?

CSI: Miami: Cut and Run by Donn Cortez is amazing. I read it back in January and then reread it this month. Probably will be rereading it again before long tbh

Another really good one I’ve read recently is How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse by K. Eason. It just came out like six months ago, so the second one won’t be out any time soon, but I am ready for it when it does (more than ready, actually; I can’t wait)

23. What’s your favorite ship that will never happen (or hasn’t happened yet)?

I really wish they had done something with Greg/Hodges. I mean, they had the perfect setup for it in 11.07 Bump and Grind, what with their “man-dates” (that never get mentioned again)!! Their man-dates become a regular thing that they do like every week or whatever, eventually they realize that they’re actual dates and have been for a while and they start consciously dating. Maybe Greg already knows he’s bi and is totally cool with it, maybe David’s been repressed and realizes that, oh, that’s why something’s always seemed like it was missing when he tried dating before: he’s gay.

Unsurprisingly, I have a few 11.07 fics in my WIPs

(But also, considering CSI’s track record with respecting queer people [poor], I’m kinda glad they didn’t. Woulda been nice, though, long as they'da done it right)

A ship that I’m really hoping will happen is Penelope and Schneider from One Day at a Time. I love them so much

24. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be?

I would rather meet a celebrity in passing than spend a day with them. I am far too awkward and anxious, and I’m afraid it would not be an enjoyable experience for either of us

25. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen - a movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it:

I don’t think I have any like this

26. When you read, do you prefer an eReader or an actual, physical book?

Paper books all the way, baby

27. Favorite movie?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, probably

28. What does a normal day look like for you?

I stay in bed reading or playing games on my phone (or, more recently, on my DS) for as long as possible, dick around on here for a while whilst also trying to get at least some SwagBucks in another window, try not to forget to eat lunch, play the free money apps I have on my phone while either listening to music on my laptop or watching shows either on my laptop or the TV, try not to forget to eat dinner, watch some more TV or get some reading or gaming in, try not to stay up too late, take over an hour to fall asleep, maybe if I’m lucky get some writing done at some point during any of this (and if I’m really lucky it won’t be while I’m trying to sleep, but usually it is, damn brain)

29. Have you ever watched a show/movie for one character? If so, who?

Normally when I watch something specifically for someone, it’s for an actor I like, but I started watching CW’s The Flash specifically for Cisco Ramon (well, and Harry Wells and their relationship, but mostly Cisco) and Legends of Tomorrow specifically for Ray Palmer, whom I fell in love with in his ep on The Flash lol

30. What is your ultimate concert (musicians/bands from any period, alive or dead)?

I don’t go to concerts (they seem like they’d be very overwhelming), so, none, I guess

31. Book that you were forced to read in school that you hated the most:

God, I fucking hated To Kill a Mockingbird. Actually, I think the only one I actually liked was The Importance of Being Earnest

[arcanacenturia]

Sometimes you gotta flee on a platform you had forgotten existed bc toxic people don’t want to be not toxic

Like. We just RTed a tweet that works for anyone who don’t even begin to try and SEE Eichi is not actually a bad person.To tell thm that maybe they want to see more and understand. And that person posts “No fun allowed”. The day before they had posted “worst event. Worst ship.” bc they hate E and love W.

The three people “implied” in this sort of cold war are 28-30.(I’m the 30 person).

And I can’t believe we’re having this sort of cold war over FICTIONNAL CHARACTERS just because 29 can’t accept that 1) not hating character for invalid reasons is a thing, 2) listening to the entirety of your friends who have been trying to help you for two years and not spending their money when you shouldn’t even need it is a thing either.

I have a hypothesis why they would hate that character for no reason though. I have no idea if it’s actually coherent or the truth or anything, but they are not coherent in the first place and they’re being really really toxic.

So, Hated Character is 28′s favorite character (hence the cold war) and a character I love too.

28 and I are best friends, have been for long and are very close (I mean. We’ve seen many, many things together, lived in the same area and all so we saw each other like everyday before I left my country)

29 and I are close friends too and have lived lots of things together too, just not the same ones. Lived farther, couldn’t see each other as much. But 29 is also very depressed and financially irresponsible, which makes the situation worse.

29 tried to enter 28 and my relationship. Which is. 28 and my relationship. I don’t mind introducing my friends with each other, I’ve done that many times in the past and it sometimes worked well, sometimes didn’t. So, creating a relationship with the three of us : sure. Having 29 enter an already established relationship (I FORGOT TO MENTION BUT THAT’S A FRIENDSHIP OK) with its own past, its own stories, its own rules : Nope. Never. Ever.

In the meantime, 29 started insulting Hated Character very, very violently (he’s a fucking FICTIONNAL CHARACTER and yes, he did bad things, but he also showed remorse and his Bad Character period was 1) over in like a month, 2) shown as something he felt like he had to do to improve things in his story and actually set bases to the main story, 3) something he really isn’t proud of and is reflecting on in the new stories. 

28 didn’t like seeing their fav character being insulted for no reason.

I didn’t like it either bc the way he was insulted showed that 29 hadn’t even tried to read the story.

We had had this discussion in private like 10 times.

29 didn’t like that they couldn’t insult Hated Character for no reason in public.

28 & I had the audacity of vagueing ON OUR PRIVS about how one should maybe NOT do that bc wow that’s not nice to people who actually like characters others hate??

29 didn’t like that, blocked us from their priv so they could keep insulting Hated Character on their private account without us telling them about it.

28 got angry, also blocked 29 from their privated account.

I just thought “whatever, if you can’t trust us that’s your problem” and did not block them. Now I’m thinking that maybe I should have, bc here I am, ranting on them on the lone plateform they can’t see.

29 re-followed me and re-alowed me to follow them which I am glad for bc it helped me helped them.

So. What I believe happened:

29 attributed Hated Character to 28 bc that’s 28′s fav.

29 attributed Pink Character (that I do not like bc he reminds me of a toxic person I had freshly escaped; and 28 does not like for reasons they do not understand themselves, probs their looks) to themself.

Who they attributed to me is a mystery and tbh I don’t care. Maybe they didn’t attribute any character to me.

And then started hating on Hated Character bc of jealousy bc they could see my relationship with 28 and were unable to get the same. Which. Is. Obvious. Like. I can’t have two identical relationships with two different people.

28&29 never got along very well and it’s getting worse and worse bc both tend to hold grudges for way too long and though 28 tries to make efforts, 29 really doesn’t and just acts like a leech towards anyone that has approached them. 

In the meantime :

29 tried to attribute a character to another without knowing the slightest thing about them, ignored me completely when I told them to BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT THEY RT bc the character itself is a massive spoiler, got angry when I didn’t approve their ways. Went to complain on their priv, about : 1) How they WeRe AlWaYs WrOnG wHaTeVeR tHeY dId (well maybe stop assuming things about a character you don’t know and stop ignoring people who tell you to fucking BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU RT), 2) how they could never enter my friendship with 28 (which. is. totally normal???).

Right at the same time, I was informed that people have started to understand what 29 was doing with the money they got and didn’t appreciate it. I didn’t either.

Annoyed by the toxicity, I muted their priv. Then, I heard things about 29 that I wish were lies about the way they deal with their money and the money others give them. (Basically : earns more money than I am, has a bigger flat for way cheaper, has cats but still manages to not be able to pay doc bills for themselves and the poor cats)

29 probs noticed I had muted their priv or at least that I had stop responding to the provocation (they had started posting more and more toxic tweets as time passed and I couldn’t bear w/ it, especially at that time bc my life was about to change a LOT and I was so stressed my health deteriorated). So they started provocating on their main.

I have like 4 account on twitter that they follow (only one doesn’t follow her back bc I don’t even know why she followed it in the first place). I muted their main on my main. Then on my priv. Then very recently on my second main, bc they were talking a lot about things I wasn’t interested in and sometimes managed to provoke between two of these.

28 recently muted their main too, but recently discovered tweets about Hated Character x Other Character Very Cannonically Shipped with Them that 29 Loves.

28 RTed a tweet saying that maybe people who hate on a character without knowing them SHOULD learn more about the hated character before talking, which was quoted with a picture of Hated Character.

29 took it Very Personally (which they should in this case but also works with all the people that hate characters for bad reason as well) and posted “no fun allowed”.

“n o f u n a l l o w e d”

Please fucking tell me what’s so FUN about hating a character you don’t know and insulting him on social media especially when you have AT LEAST THREE MUTUALS that love him (yes we also have a friend who has Hated Character as their fav but for some reason they do not get the hate 28 and I are getting? 

HOW WEIRD HUH

29 insisted a lot on how they love me and admire me and put me on a pedestal which I honestly think is toxic as fuck and clearly very untrue considering their reactions to SIMPLE RTs AND REMARKS.

Also, they claim to be “alone” whenever something just doesn’t go their way. Which is very clearly untrue bc they always manage to get out of their own shit (by begging money from others and then they keep buying things they don’t have the money for and then claim it’s WeLl BuDgEtTeD (spoilers : if you buy it and can’t pay all your bills then it’s not)).

Urgh. It just makes me so angry, even though I said I do not have the time or energy for that bc I started working full time recently. I’m not even fully adapted to my new life yet. Fuck it. Someday I’ll just start unfollow 29 for good if they keep acting like an asshole.

[sweetbitterpdf]

9, 30,38 & 96 ! 😘

( weird asks !! )

9. favourite smell in the summer?

oh, absolutely the smell of the sea! more specifically, the way sea salt smells on sun-warmed skin, after a long day at the beach with people you care about.

30. places that you find sacred?

there are a few that come to mind, actually! as silly as it is i think my room is a sacred/special place to me, it’s the only space i’ve had that’s been completely mine, you know?

libraries, too! not only bc i’m a bookworm but also because libraries have employed my family for three generations now (different libraries, mind you!) but as a kid from a poor family when i was little, they were where i did my homework, when it required internet, which i didn’t have until i was 12. also, books are free there obviously, and so i could read as much as i wanted (which was a lot!) without having to spend the little money my family had.

oh, also... not to be like, a total eliott or anything, but down the road from my childhood home— where i lived until age 15-ish— there was a trail, and off of the trail, there was this super secluded little creek. i never showed it to anyone, and i would go there whenever i needed to think or be alone. my mom knew where i was vaguely— she knew about the trail, and where it was— but she never knew about my little creek. it was really special to me, for quite a few years.

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on the time of year! lemonade’s lovely when it’s warm outside, but nothing hits on a cold day when you’re feeling a bit under the weather than a nice cup of tea!

96. desktop background?

tbh i’m boring, it’s just one of the default ones. this gave me the motivation to tidy my desktop though, this is what it looks like now!!

[kae-karo]

Hi Katie! I just want you to know that I want your analysis of this new sims video more than anything and I'll just patiently wait for it... Have a nice day!

hi dear!! new sims vid, did u mean dnp simulator?

dorks spending the first ten seconds dancing in fake snow 

why virtual friends???? ??

my daddies gave to me y’all,,,,,,there’s knowing your branding and then there’s acting on that knowledge and i think this may have been one time where acting on your knowledge maybe was not a good call like ily and u do u and all but

i love phil loving his branding it’s cute also shoutout to @dnpscloset​ thanks for finding it (x) bc i want one now if anyone needs a last minute xmas idea i’m lookin at u mom u always wait til the last minute

same dan, same

‘we all have new faces and new lives and everything’s changed, this is gonna be hella dramatic’ *inhale* *exhale*

‘when u imagine the howlter family’ god they’re such adorable n sentimental nerds i love them

phil’s actual default is bein a leany boye

dnp arguing about what ‘desperate’ actually is as if the entirety of their first year after meeting they weren’t talking as often as they could five hour skype calls amirite

get away from me stalker lmao bold of u to say that danny

phil sweetie i love you with my entire heart he’s so so excited abt the virtual snow i love him

tiny zoom in jumpcut at 2:08 overlapping audio interesting

a mood and a half

phil immediately going ‘yeahhhhh thin walls family hearing things they gotta get out’ abt dab and evan like m8 we get it all u think abt is sex we get it god u and ur husband really are made for each other aren’t u (dnp = devan reference #1)

‘i presume evan is also jobless’ ‘i hope so!’ phil is it really,,,,,,smth to be excited about,,,,,,,

dan’s doin a lot of the hand phone lately u cute boy

we should have a redbull what is wrong with them phil can barely handle having too much sugar y’all thought it was a good idea to have a redbull also we should have a redbull they share literally everything which tbh is probs for the best lbr phil on a whole can of redbull hmmmmm yes ik it’s v possible and in fact probable that phil had his own can let me live

‘it’s a sensible lightweight jacket’ in the fucking snow wow dan u really did just set urself up for phil to drag u about not dressing for the weather

dan’s fucking laugh at 4:39 gives me life literally there is no purer and more adorable sound like that’s up there with kittens purring

‘i think he’s gonna be a bit of a diva in this relationship’ did you mean: dan howell (dnp = devan reference #2)

[slight bit of ankle is showing] dan: ‘and now you’re wearing shorts’

where’s the lie tho honestly that lil pause before he said mate

this clip will live in infamy bc i want this in every fucking phan edit for the rest of time like i can’t even think of the right out-of-context clip right now but anything that can be answered with phil saying ‘it’s dan’ i need it

mandatory phil covering his mouth and bein a cutie

yes destroy gender roles in the snow universe (although seriously dan’s ‘life is just about uncon-doing the horrible conditioning of all these gender stereotypes, phil’ is so important also i stan phil recognizing that before dan i think it’s really easy to forget that just bc up til recently he’s not been as expressive as dan of his opinions on how stupid gender roles are doesn’t mean he doesn’t have just as if not more progressive a mindset than dan)

‘it’s like a dan vs phil’ dnp = devan #3

dan has such a lovely singing voice i miss him singing

dude phil’s eyebrows are making a Solid appearance v expressive

i s2g this is a different moment from the one above he’s just so fricken cute???

‘but they’ve got each other’s backs, phil, just like dab and evan’ yeeeeaaaa i’m gonna go ahead and go with dnp = devan reference #4 here i think that’s fair

snow angels are the least fun thing to do and yet (x - it literally won’t let me put it in bc it’s a privated vid rip)

amazing they just started having a snowball fight how cute n domestic am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan hmmmm - dnp = devan #5

i get that infinity war was a meme but lads it’s time to let it go

‘and they’re called the howlters’ lmao as if u ain’t an honorary lester daniel (dnp = devan #6)

i’m living for phil’s excitement i mean if that’s what redbull does to him i’m here for it i guess?

hi they’re dumb this was cute

‘we don’t want to be those people, but for us personally, we very much found that you just need to just move into a big city of some kind and just jump into life with both feet’ this is not only adorable advice but also where dnp simulator comes into play aka we did this so uhh dab n evan should do it (dnp = devan #7) also dan speaking for them both singular pronouns are quaking

‘don’t trust that’ what on earth are u on abt phil what don’t u trust the fuckin desert or?????

scalyburg phil stop pls we know we get it dan’s a furry ur a scaly we got it

why does dan spend an entire 7 seconds (8:40) adjusting is he moving closer to phil? switching which leg he’s sat on? idk but it lead to me pausing at this moment which was a gift in and of itself

‘the deposit on that one, plus the weekly went would make us instantly broke, so that’s fun, us when we moved to london’ bih do u hear me crying

does dan remember phil’s first manchester apartment what kind of question is that phil have u met dan he probably remembers every bloody inch of that place i mean he did remember that there wasn’t a bedside table so

stop that

middle of the city, romance festival, geekcon, pretty views and cherry blossom trees sounds like dnp’s ideal location do u get why i’m calling it dnp simulator yet also dnp = devan #8

we don’t want to move next to the karaoke legends wow dan bold of u to say after belting helena at 2am real bold

phil having flashbacks to the apt they toured where they found out people died there

hi phil just looks so excited by everything

look i’m not saying anything except they’re managing to find a lot of similarities b.w their lives and what they’re doing for dab and evan okay like this apartment is great for people-watching? which is what phil did in his manchester apt?

context whomst? idk her

shoutout to the wardrobe

big bold life-changing steps

anon spitting truth up in this house (but like,,,,,my thoughts exactly lmao i was like they’re such introverts they would’ve avoided meeting their neighbors at any cost including apparently smacking into a locked door trying to avoid small talk phil we love u bab)

casually mentioning dan saying ‘we are dil-’ was he gonna say dil’s son, maybe but i like to remember the bloops of dan repeatedly calling dab dil so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

omg okay so from like. this point on, when dan’s like ‘here is my vision’, i’m absolutely getting queer eye vibes like amateur queer eye tho like two gay nerds trying to embody queer eye in their lives a bit oh wait

okay okay okay dan u said an ensuite bathroom and then failed to add a door to the bedroom do u understand how frustrating that is???????? do u understand how stressful it was for me to watch that whole damn vid and know that u forgot the door????

a space for hobbies what hobbies who has hobbies

they learned nothing from building their house before: phil should take the mouse away from dan immediately look at him he is such a sugar baby in this jfc

god dan is so cute get these idiots a penthouse apartment super high up so he can have his bath next to a window okay he deserves that in life

stop it they’re literally agreeing on almost every single thing god they literally share a single brain

amazing

leany boye

‘they are young adults moving into their first apartment, you don’t have art!’ okay first of all don’t even go there daniel second of all i’m sorry you’re the one arguing for spending literally all their money but u don’t want to get some art bc it’s unrealistic????

dan saying lovely

phil’s mr carpet

navy??? navy? when did they? why? 

i would get involved in a criminal plot to have that / i’m gonna throw you out of one

wow pro tips makin a comeback

phil is Losing Steam

oh my god okay so i was joking but literally phil is losing steam lmao 18:35 he says ‘ayy’ and it’s so tired-sounding

leany leany boyes

okay look ik dan’s going into ‘aww poor philly’ mode but also he knew that very quickly like honestly that’s not a Thing i would ever notice about someone tbh i’m not saying it’s like Significant but damn danny was really into phil to know that shiz man

the high-fashion gigantic rug of our dreams

okay look i can’t make this up phil literally leans away for a bit and then

hello daniel’s Curl

i stan phil getting excited over plants

dab and evan will be having a mario kart fest will they (dnp = devan #9)

mirroringggggggg

dude big mood god they’re so fond and full of memories 

honestly dnp made it that way like u cannot convince me they didn’t purposely decide to do that mmkay

‘see they are ready to have their romantic dinners. and then they can pretend they have another friend and it’s fine!’ am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan who knows :) (dnp = devan #10) 

cold in the middle what on earth i literally have no memory of that i mean it could just be my shit memory but jfc they just remember that stuff goddamn

scrunchy boyes also phil where’s ur arm at hm

like i’m not fuckin joking where is it

you can’t exist without a computer i mean

what is important in life / the internet

they don’t even have fucking doors and dan’s like ‘uhm they need a terrarium’ dan i’m stressed

oh my god i’m sorry phil is so done with this now it’s actually comical

hi they didn’t add a door for the ensuite

give dnp an interior design series honestly give them any series

phil reached for dan’s hand u cannot convince me otherwise

‘not my personal taste’ really,,,,,really

when dab n evan hug dan looks at the screen n phil looks at the camera things u didn’t need to know but now u do

lmao jumpscared by the kiss

‘i feel like i’ve never nailed anything more in my entire life’ hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm hm

the fuck was dan’s ‘getting a job’ that’s his fnaf voice u stop that

doon doon doon doon

tongue

hi uhm what the Fuck was that jumpcut at 28:30 i hate Obvious Jumpcuts with a burning passion specifically bc of dnp

[tenacious-scripturient]

a run-down of / my thoughts on the novel ‘trade secrets’

so! i’ve recently finished this beautifully written novel by @bettsican​, and am anxiously anticipating for the second book in the trilogy! (seriously, give it a read. it’s a great lgbtq+ thriller and mystery story, i promise you’ll love it!! you can find trade secrets in many places, including amazon, where it’s only $6)

as i was reading it, i noted down all the thoughts i had. it was fun, interesting, and kept me on the edge of my seat!

oh, and spoiler warning, of course.

Chapter One

okay. this is interesting. why are they in paris? or rather, why are they NOT in paris?

2080. damn.

who is cooper hall and why is he important i want to knowwwwwwww

Chapter Two

HOLY FUCK

CHAPTER ONE WAS A PROLOGUE

OKAY IF I DIDNT NEED TO BEFORE I HAVE TO READ IT NOW

-ahem- anyway

nate literally everything you think of has to relate to smoking, doesnt it?

clyde you absolutely bitch raccoon

im sort of piecing together what’s happening here? either way this is a SUPER interesting concept.

i love the idea of every word being important

nate look at you being a nice guy. testing the CAPS before giving them to ur clients

or maybe it’s just good business

but whatever

okay, so credits are money in this world. but how do people get them? obviously there’s what nate’s doing but what’s the legal way to get them? ill probably find out soon

if it wasnt explicitly said by betty that nate ends up with another guy (i forget his name. cooper?) i would have thought audry was the romantic interest

audry you loving caring hypocrite

i feel like she’s gonna be one of my favourite characters

who is this young man that dares disturb nate’s slumber

cooper? cooper.

Chapter Three

nate get up

u turtle get up and hurry down the stairs

or—okay you can fall into that drywall that works too

ohhhhh so nate is a detective. that’s interesting

i also love this idea of keeping secrets (haha trade secrets)

dude are you sure that your embarrassing entrance wasn’t the ONLY reason you blushed? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIG—

nate ur spending an awful lot of time looking at his features you funky little bisexual

oh damn ur smarter than u seem, just watching him take a single breath and you’re already making connections. i guess that’s why he’s a detective

im gonna assume this is cooper, even tho it never explicitly says so

i feel like we aren’t gonna get his name for a while, bc clients and whatnot and not getting attached

Chapter Four

NATE WEARS GLASSES???????

that’s kind of cute

im lowkey gay rn

anyway

NATE CALLED HIM SWEET-FACED AND PRETTY-FACED O K A Y

oh he has curly brown hair

and oh the glasses aren’t real glasses. oh. the use is actually pretty cool!

so from what im gathering civilians are people who don’t live in sanctuaries, and lemnis are people who do?

cooper sweetie why do u need so much money what have u done

nate’s pretty clever

HAH I WAS RIGHT WE AREN’T GONNA GET HIS NAME FOR A WHILE

well that’s that i guess

Chapter Five

he’s so timid awh

hehe he’s on nate’s bed

sorry

goddammit man calm down or else you’re gonna get everyone in a 5-mile radius around you arrested

wait…. zero-credit balance?? didn’t he just have a few hundred thousand credits???

OH THIS IS A FAKE PROFILE HE MADE

so cooper isn’t his real name either

oh

Chapter Six

oh we’re back to 2080

oh they’re back in the apartment??

it was obvious before but at this point it’s confirmed that they’re going to be doing some travelling together or something

Chapter Seven

this is getting really interesting i dont wanna stop reading and type everything that comes to mind

these are gonna be shorter now hehe

“i’d been a petri dish of mixed emotions and wild chemical changes for half the day” I LOVE THAT METAPHOR LMFAO

what happened with nate’s mom

i want to know

my prediction: she wanted him to either change up or completely remove the chip bc she did something horrible? or maybe she just wanted to leave idk im bad at predictions

either way it said she was crazy

o h

that’s why he’s terrified of cutting the chip

poor nate

Chapter Eight

oh this is strangely intimate

very intimate

i feel that, because cooper has such high pain tolerance (or doesn’t show pain), he has some backstory for it

Chapter Nine

lmao nate just went off didnt he

THEIR FLIRTING IS CUTE FHJKJDLSKAJDKLSJAK

also is being lgbtq+ widely accepted as the norm in this setting? bc nate considered cooper to be flirting with him

ughhhh it’s so good so far, from the character interactions to the suspense, especially in this chapter

Chapter Ten

rude cooper is rude, rude nate is even more rude

F E D O R A

“coop”

Chapter Eleven

aw i love jimmy already—

WHAT THE FUCK COOPER

EXCUSE ME

JIMMY

WHAT

HOW COULD YOU

goddammit

what the fuck is cooper hiding

cooper oh my god

you

you’re playing a dangerous game, mate

are you really that heartless

“deceptively innocent eyes” you got that right

this chapter hurted

thanks a lot jess

Chapter Twelve

“like a weeping wound on the canvas of my home” this has got to be one of my favourite similes ever omg

the way nate’s describing cooper makes my heart hurt awh

i feel like butterflies have some sort of symbolism

maybe being ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside, or vice versa? the vice versa was basically cooper lol

aye we finally get to meet audry!!

PEANUT BUTTER AND TRICYCLE I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT

i love audry omg

IT’S NATE’S BIRTHDAY?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA SMOKEY CONMAN

“bright eyes” is the cutest nickname ever

Chapter Thirteen

oh we’re back to 2080

wait what they’re trapped together

is this story gonna have a sad ending

please no

Chapter Fourteen

OH IT’S THE LINE ON THE COVER

i like that

nate’s back to where he left cooper

also if it wasn’t obvious before, it’s definitely obvious now that nate and cooper or gonna find each other again. hm. not sure how i feel about that

kind of pissed at cooper but also we need him for the story to progress

O H

COOPER IM ONLY KIND OF PISSED AT YOU NOW

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

NATE IVE SAID IT BEFORE BUT YOU’RE PRETTY CLEVER

also who is ‘her’?

COOPER WANTS TO BECOME A?? LEMNIS?? GODDAMMIT MAN

I CAN FEEL THE PRESSURE RISING

nate’s in danger

wow this chapter is

a lot

i need a break

-cue a break-

Chapter Fifteen

i’m back

eisley is a cool last name

oh wait so even people outside of sanctuaries can become a lemniscate

i’m still not 100% sure what a lemniscate is

it’s so ironic elijah’s last name is king, but i assume you did that on purpose. i also like the slight nod to royalty by his first name

OH

COOPER’S BACK

why hello there

Chapter Sixteen

they’re

competing

to become a lemniscate

and one of them dies

do they fight back?? is that why they end up in prison??? so many thoughts are going through my head right now

nate, your fantasy about becoming a lemniscate is surprisingly dark. i’m totally down for it

Chapter Seventeen

oh wait so joshua is cooper’s blackmailer?? Interesting that it’s a lemniscate

i keep forgetting nate is wearing glasses

cooper, my dude, calm the fuck down. you’re gonna get yourself and nate killed

it’s the return of soft™ nate

Chapter Eighteen

oh there’s another one

oh this is very ominous i don’t like

Chapter Nineteen – Twenty-One

okay i was eating while i read so i couldn’t type here but just know that these chapters were really really good

Chapter Twenty-Two

wait fuck what’s happening this is all happening so fast

cooper brought out his gun,,,, it’s aimed at ivonne,,,,,,, they’re walking,,,

OH IT WAS A FAKE KIDNAPPING

nice

i like ivonne a lot

Chapter Twenty-Three

the entire story just changed course

this isn’t just about cooper and nate anymore, it’s about a corrupt government

NATE AND COOPER ARE HOLDING HANDS AS THEY RUN THROUGH THE BARRIER THAT’S SO ROMANTIC

also the line “only the dead are ever truly free” is beautiful

THAT’S WHERE PARIS COMES IN

THEY ALL GO TO FRANCE DON’T THEY

I’m so curious to find out where this story is going

Chapter Twenty-Four

this is doin me a confusion

but tbh these hints/ visions of the future, if you could call them that, are giving just enough information to keep me super interested. props to you

Chapter Twenty-Five

AUDRY STOP TEASING NATE

just joking keep doing it, this might actually get their relationship somewhere

ivonne is definitely my favourite character so far. she reminds a little of melia from xenoblade chronicles, in that they’re both ‘royalty’ that rebel. also they’re badass and smart

oh fuck the brother is here

okay thank god he’s not an asshole

oh god things are happening again

Chapter Twenty-Six

nate stop ogling at cooper when you’re in a life-or-death situation

holy shit the lemniscate are messed up

this crew is pretty great, it sucks that it’s almost the end of the book

WAIT I FORGOT THERE’S A SECOND COMING SOON HECK YEAH

anyway

YES COOPER PULL THROUGH

awwww yiss

Chapter Twenty-Seven

oh

oh

O H

oh my god i ship them so hard

THEY KISSED

THIS IS SO STEAMY

this chapter was art thank you so much for this

Chapter Twenty-Eight

AHAHAH AUDRY

once again, i’d like to state how much i love her

oh the tension just grew twentyfold

this is… great

oh god nate what are you planning, you just got together with cooper and now you want to leave him?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

what’s with all the dancing?

Chapter Thirty

oh god the description

so he’s going around and giving people credits, all the while confessing things that would help the lemniscate track him down. i assume this means he’s going to die, but why?

just what are you planning?

oh we’re back to clyde, the guy who started it all. it feels full circle

Chapter Thirty-One

OH

HE’S MAKING HIS CHIP SHOW THAT HE’S DEAD

that’s much smarter

FUCK

NATE YOU IDIOT—COOPER’S REAL NAME

SHIT NOW KING IS HERE

everything’s going downhill now isn’t it

Chapter Thirty-Two

wait that took an even darker turn

there’s so much happening right now i can’thandlethis

cooper and nate are couple goals

Chapter Thirty-Three

king isn’t as horrible as i thought

still horrible, but not a monster

NEVER MIND YOU’RE A FUCKING MONSTER WHAT IS THIS BS

cooper

actually

shot

nate

Chapter Thirty-Four

OH MY GOD

WHAT

THIS IS HOW YOU END IT

I CAN’T

HOW DARE YOU

NO

NO

NO

NO

i need the next book

like right now

what the hell

Final Thoughts

okay so this book was SO good, and so well written. like damn

aside from that horrible ending how could you do this to me

i’m joking, it was an incredible and emotional ending, i loved it and hated it at the same time

it very rarely felt static, and especially in the first half, there was a good mix of action and backstory/description. it was never boring

the story is just,,, so unique. i seriously haven’t read anything like it, EVER

the world-building?? Is?? so vast?? and insane??

the increasing tension and speed as the story progressed is perfect, i felt my heart beating faster the more i read

anyway that’s all from me

this book was amazing i cannot wait for the next

[hclles-blog]

hey guys ! this has been sitting in drafts for at least a day now, but trust me when i say i’m as excited as i was when typing this fucking monster of an intro SDKFGJKFD but i’m jules, kard and clc supremacist and a struggling student about to apply to the english faculty of my uni ! like i said, this is a super long intro, so get settled as i introduce asteria’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, extensive plots and an extra list of options are linked accordingly !

jeon somin, cis female, she/her. — have you seen ( hyunmi “halle” chae ) around ( hecate ) ? they’re a ( twenty-two ) year old ( senior ) who’s majoring in ( kinesiology. ) i know they’re busy with ( dance club, women’s volleyball, and kappa delta sorority ), but you should tell them to check their latest starred rating ! ( jules, 21, she/her, gmt-3:30. )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities in canada, the us and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

but the latter wound up being a bust bc she opted for asteria u, close to some of the popular yet secluded skate clubs the greats went to during their off-season training.. and before tr*mp got elected bc she would’ve cancelled everything, demanded her money and scholarships back, had she arrived after that LSDFGJFKLD

should be noted that her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, so she deemed all of this inevitable sfkljfdgk

though the school didn’t and still doesn’t offer its own skate club so, that was a slight drawback for the invested bitch

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and was back on the ice in no time, joining one of those aforementioned skate clubs under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it; however the stars didn’t align back in 2017 during her sophomore year, when she just missed obtaining qualification while now on canada’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a couple of years since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off

studying kinesiology despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves being active and thinks she’d be a resource in the field down the line ok ??

anyways, she’s found new things to invest her time in, such as the sorority, dance club and volleyball

dance helps with the choreo for her routines.... or Did, but we all know she’s still doing Some amount of skating on the side so

and it helps in areas where muscle memory and years of flexibility can’t quite do so

volleyball’s a great second option for her as a sport, mostly bc she can exert as much of her frequent frustration as possible into a game and act like it’s just her being into it. though she really can be That competitive, as you can see, rather than bratty

so, moving onto other things —

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once or twice. the first time being when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane halle ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

she won’t hesitate to call you out on your shit or make it clear that she doesn’t like you, though, even if she appears cordial on the surface

as a result, hockey players HATE her !

bc she rips into them the most for frequently poor experiences with her fellow ice people. most of which are them hogging her reserved practice time, and being thirsty and pretentious dicks about it within and outside of the arena

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but..... girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

her view and reception on starred

she..... probably doesn’t do too hot tbh

well. maybe she Does if starred's social ladder resembled most high school/college shows, movies.... rps, but it doesn't really so —

in all fairness, she probably does do better than i'm assuming rn bc.. she Is a character of sorts, who knows gskfksl but MOVING ON !

her blunt and kinda snarky attitude is partially Why she hates this point system, bc people tend to kiss ass just so they aren’t given a low rating whereas she can only hold back about 5% of her unfiltered opinion — but that’s IT !

tbh she relies heavily on her involvement in extracurriculars, and especially her public image from her glory days, more so than she herself to keep her head above water

so she looks entitled from that alone

given the way i’ve played her in the past, ik she might come across as a hbic type: thinks she’s the best ( which.. she kinda does sjkfgd ), savours the power she tries to or does in fact exert, doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic or nice, etc

but she’s just a shit disturber with thick skin and a slight kink for receiving admiration and respect, puts herself first a little too much

in fact, she doesn’t really Care to hold people by a leash, but yeah, it can come across much differently since her tone never really Shifts if she doesn’t know you well, doesn’t trust you, knows you’re naive with such things, doesn’t like you, is just fucking around or in a sour mood.... the list goes on

so if your character focuses on who’s the nicest or most cheerful when giving high ratings, makes a v quick judgment on their character from a first impression, she’s gonna be near the bottom of their list dfsghkfgj

and like i said, she doesn’t care for the system Enough to change any of this, so she gets by

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there bc this is painfully long — congratulations if you’ve made it to the end of this intro from hell ! if anyone wants to plot, like this or im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )

[spaceshipkat]

Another anon about Sam Cortland. Spoilers ahead, I hope you don't mind them :)) I personally always liked Sam the best out of all the love interests bc, to me, he seemed the most decent male character Mess has ever written. He had no magic powers, no royal lineage and was the descendant of no god. He was polite with Lysandra and other courtesans, he'd worked his ass off to become one of Arobynn's best assassins and was treated like shit by Sardines for years. (1/4)

I can believe that he’d been in love with her for years as he claimed in Assassin’s Blade (tho for the life of me I can’t see why), but what pisses me off is that as soon as he confesses his feelings for her, she’s suddenly into him too?? Even tho she’s been a bitch to him until then?? And they spend like a month together at her apartment before he dies and then in QoS Alien is all like “I’ve never loved anyone more than Sam, not even Chaol” even tho she barely thinks of him until then. (2/4)

Mmm okay if you say so…. The thing is that I SHIPPED them despite their romance being too quick and unfounded for my tastes, but it could have worked imo if Mess developed their relationship more after they got together bc they had common experiences, similar upbringings and struggles and goals when it came to their profession, but NO Mess had to kill him in the worst possible way. (¾)

i kid you not, the scene when we’re shown his tortured body on a table is the ONLY scene Mess has ever written that had me bawling my eyes out, i will never get over it. He and Chaol were the only love interests I liked, but now we’re stuck with bland grandpa Rowboat who’s centuries old and acts like a horny 15 yo. As for Dorian, their romance was always too much infatuation imo and it never made sense for Alien and him to get together if she was gonna dump him anyway bc she knew she’d win (4/4)

i don’t mind spoilers!! when it comes to books, i actually actively seek them out more often than not. 😏 not sure why though tbh.

but yeah it definitely seems as though sardines never loved sam as much as she claims. i mean, if someone like me, who hasn’t read the novellas, can’t see the love sardines supposedly has for sam, then i think it’s 1) pretty telling about just how deep her supposed feelings go, and 2) yet another example of sj/m’s mediocre writing. if sam was a motivator or something for sardines to succeed in the competition, that’d be a different story (iirc, he isn’t her motivator to win, right?) and i could buy into it.

(it also goes hand in hand with what i predict will happen in cres/cent city since bryce is supposedly out to avenge her best friend’s murder when that’s just gonna be a catalyst to introduce her to the love interest who will provide the porn, but i digress 😁)

this kinda also exemplifies what sj/m thinks a novella should do, as with ac0fas. the purpose of a novella is typically to give backstory (which i guess it could for tab? i’m iffy on that), to provide explanations, to bridge stories (which is the reason ac0fas was published, though imo it wasn’t necessary), that sort of thing. but what’s also key about a novella is that it should not be vital to read them to understand what’s going on in a book. so in the case of tab to t0g, sj/m did all right, but she should have summarized the information from the novella more within t0g’s storyline. otherwise we hear about this character who meant so much to sardines and is the reason she’s in the salt mines, but he doesn’t play a key role in her character arc. (like i said above, if she was competing for sam, it’d be another story. a better story, too, imo.)

likewise with ac0fas. from the summaries i’ve read of it, it seems pretty pointless. it was just another way for sj/m and bloomsbury to get more money out of her readers (and provide antis with more snark, so i guess that’s a win!). the info contained in ac0fas could have easily been summarized in subsequent novels. hell, the way nesta is treated could be the beginning of her story, say chapters 1-3, and then the actual plot could begin: her being sent to the illyrian war camps with cassian (and don’t get me wrong, i abhor this plot point. the only way mess could redeem herself with this is if nesta goes to the camps, joins up with the poor female fae who suffered FGM, falls in love with one of them bc nesta deserves a beautiful wife, and together nesta and the other female fae overthrow the fuckbois). there was no reason for ac0fas to exist in order to bridge the gap between the original trilogy and the new books. kirkus said it quite nicely: 

kirkus also explained everything that sj/m supposedly needed 272 pages (according to amazon) to tell in just a few words: 

this novella is just another perfect example of sj/m’s misguided understanding of what constitutes a story, although she apparently did know, once upon a time, what the length of a novella should be. but this was about sam and tab, not ac0fas, so i’ll stop rambling about that. 

y’know what’s funny about sam? i remember that when chaol was the predicted endgame love interest, stans were up in arms about how precious sam was, that sj/m needed to bring him back to life, that he should’ve survived so he and sardines could be together forever. now with rowboat in the picture? no one cares (at least that i’ve seen!). in fact, i’d be willing to bet that were sam to return the stans would go apeshit bc he would threaten the survival of ratalien. and that right there is the reason that i don’t think sam will ever return. he wasn’t a fae, nor did he have magic, so he’s all but meaningless. le sigh. 

[anicegaykid]

who dis?

#firstpost seems more daunting than it needs to be. Got myself all creative blocked up so here is a little diddy to get to know me better.. 

Are you named after anyone?

I am actually named after Jessica Wakefield from Sweet Valley High

When was the last time you cried?

tbh, I tend to flip from emotionless to SUPER emotional like 0-60. Sometimes no response, sometimes (like this afternoon) I see a beautiful pond surrounded in nature, being natural and beautiful, water sparkling in the sunshine and the tears just roll.

Do you have kids? If no, how many do you want?

No kids atm, but a couple kiddos would be nice in the near future

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

..like.. what.. ? am I just like a duplicate of me? Like am I the same person I am now and would I be friends with someone JUST like me? Or am I someone else? Who am I? Like, I enjoy spending time on my own? 

Bottom line, I like me. 

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

100%

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

eyes, smile, lips, face bone structure

What is your eye color?

blue, sometimes they get a little grey

Scary movie or happy endings?

BOTH. 

Favorite smells?

Citrus, patchouli, cut grass, peaches and strawberries

Do you have any special talents?

Talents include: fantastic with horses, very good dog mom, I can cook frozen pizzas to perfection -- if I don’t get distracted, designing queer tees, i can roll a pretty decent j, solid problem solver, got some wit and can be funny. 

Where were you born?

Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in it?

Leo; I mean it IS surprisingly accurate like all the time. 

What are your hobbies?

I am kind of in between hobbies right now.. I dabble in some things. I go to the gym like more than average, but I would like to go more - said everyone ever. I’d like to hike more, camp more, build more things out of pallets, you know.. the usual

Do you have any siblings?

I have a 21 year old brother and a 14 year old sister.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Life is pretty great tbh, I’d like to continue being happy with my little fam

Who was your first best friend?

My first best friend would have to be my cousin, Brittany. Like a sister.

How tall are you?

5′6″

What is the least favourite thing about yourself?

I wish I was a lot better at expressing how I feel. 

Things that still bother me - my wife and I had a discussion about proposals and who would ask who. We landed on me asking her, which I did and am SO happy about, but the reason behind it being that I am so poor at expressing emotions that she was afraid it would affect her confidence in my response. 

For a first TMI moment of the blog, I have so much anxiety in my ability to express myself that I can’t even manage to make any “noise” during sex. Doesn’t even matter that I am my most comfortable self with her, STILL struggle. A work in progress for me I guess. 

Funniest moment throughout School?

There was a time when we were at a beach party when I was 17, the RCMP showed up to break it up and snag any and all intoxicated minors they could. The tide had recently come in, but where we were was a little dip in the side of the cliff so the path back to the road was water-covered. So someone peeks around the cliff to see the two Mounties wading through the water. This party crew are country-folk and are 100% ready for this situation with a wooden ladder that leads up the side of the cliff into a field close to where all the vehicles are parked. As party-goers are running through the field to cars, someone shouts, “PIT PARTY” and everyone heads towards the local Pit. Along the way someone with a truck steals a round bale from a field and uses it to create the BIGGEST bonfire I’ve ever seen. 

How many countries have you visited?

like ~10

What was your favourite/worst subject in High School?

I struggled with math but funny enough my career path has led me to a life in the casino so I do math daily and enjoy it very much!

My favourite courses in High School were Conservation and Agricultural Science. 

What is your Favourite drink? Animal? Perfume?

Coke Zero Cherry

Horse

Karma by Lush

What would you (or have you) name your children?

I really like Posy, Daisy, Freddie and Loren

What Sports do you play/Have you played?

I used to Figure Skate, Horseback Ride, Ringette

Who are some of your favourite YouTubers?

I’ve always been a Grace Helbig, Mamrie Hart, Hannah Hart fan

I like Phil DeFranco for news, Pewds for some lulz, love me some Tyler Oakley, Whitney Simmons and Chloe Ting to work the booty, Vox for learning, FunForLouis has some BEAUTIFUL imagery and plays to the traveler side of me and I recently discovered Will Smith’s channel and cannot get enough!

How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

I have had an unsettling amount of bfs for a lesbian, but 2 of them really stand out as being genuinely decent guys and I would still hang out with, platonically, to this day.

I have had a grand total of 4 gfs, I married the fourth bc I got LUCKY AS HECK!

Favourite memory from childhood?

The day I got my first puppy.

One time I was gifted a horse for Christmas bc my Dad felt so bad that I had to have my first pony put down earlier that year. 

I also was old enough to remember both my siblings being born!

How would you describe your fashion sense?

tom boy hyper femme 

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

iPhone6s

Tell us one of your bad habits!

I bite my nails and chew my cuticles

3 things that upset you?

inequality

excessive force

did I say inequality?

3 things that make you happy?

Olivia

My animals

family

How is your relationship with parents?

My Mom is one of my best friends in this world! My Dad is an odd case, he struggles with my sexuality, I understand that it is because of where and when he grew up, he is never outwardly rude or mean to me, he’s a quiet country guy, he was at our wedding, he gave me away with my Mom, he’s kind to Olivia, he’s kind to me, he doesn’t understand but recognizes that it is real. I love my Dad, I really do. I’m proud of my Mom for educating him and ensuring that he is present and polite. I get frustrated from time to time and I have cried a lot of tears about it. Our relationship can be strange but at the same time hasn’t changed. He’s been a great Dad and he’ll be a fantastic Grampy. I have to check myself because there are people who are much worse off than me. I get jealous of Olivia sometimes because her Dad is so sweet to her and treats me like a daughter so easily, but my Dad has never been the soft spoken lovey type. We’ve hugged twice in my life. One of them was when I was leaving for England with a one way ticket and no foreseeable return plans and one was when he was jokingly blocking my path and I used it as a disarming mechanism to scoot through. 

What’s on your mind?

All I can think about today is the fact that I became an aunt at 5AM this morning and I’m going to see his later this afternoon. I SO excited!

What’s your talent?

troubleshooting queen.

naturally creative to my own surprise.

One word that describes you?

patient

What’s your favourite quotes?

No Pride for some of us without liberation for all of us . Marsha P Johnson

We way too fly to partake in all this hate, we out here vibin’ . Ariana Grande

Any pets?

4 dogs:

Finnley - Great PyreneesXAustralian Shepard

Effie - Border CollieX

Shiro - DacshundXMiniature Australian Shepard

Moose - Great PyreneesXFinnley

2 Cats:

Priya - long haired tabby, kinda sorta Ragdoll’esque

Punkin - short haired orange tabby with a poofy tail

2 Beta Fishies:

King Push & Todd

What is the farthest you’ve been from home?

I lived in England for 2 years & travelled Europe for a month

Are you an extrovert or introvert?

I think TECHNICALLY an introvert?  I can be v extroverted but I really need time to recharge. Recharging for me is being home with my comforts. My wifey, doggos, snacks and Netflix.

Are you left or right handed?

Right hander

Do you consider yourself a good cook?

Like.. sort of? I don’t cook much but when I do I always surprise myself with how well I do lol

Does your name have a special meaning?

It means my Mother was 18 when she had me and REALLY liked Sweet Valley High

If money were no object what would you get for your next birthday?

2 weeks away from home/work, road trip to Halifax for the fertility clinic, get started on a baby and then fly off to one of those tropical cabins on the water. 

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

I would love to have a few homes! A winter getaway BC. A condo in Halifax, NS and a cute little hobby farm here in PEI in some rolling hills somewhere in between Kensington and Charlottetown. 

What’s your favourite thing to have for breakfast?

I love chocolate chip waffles/pancakes, French style pastry breakfast, and when I’m feeling fab, some eggs benny on smoked salmon with a couple mimosas on the side. 

What’s your favourite gadget?

I just got a Fitbit so thats been pretty exciting, aside from that, my phone is on me at like all times. 

What’s your longest relationship so far?

My current one. We’re about to hit 4 years together, married for a little over a month. 

[currentlylurking]

Ey so, throwing this in my queue

idk if I’ve mentioned it for a while, but my laptop is uh. a mess. It started crashing constantly in early january, which sucked, but I had my old one I could use. so I switched to that, even tho it was kind of shitty/loud/didn’t have all my music on it which tbh was a particularly bad thing. But! I had a lot of my stuff on google docs anyway so yknow. I dealt.

anyway, near the end of february my cousin Rosie stepped on it (i was sick, she was trying to help, it was a casualty) so that was no longer an option. So, I switched back to my other one and just kind of hoped it wouldn’t start crashing a bunch again. And for the most part, it hasn’t. It just freezes constantly, doesn’t let me open a lot of things, that shit. But google docs still worked, so I kept using it. And my tumblr dash has been mostly functional- blogs, not so much, but the dash normally works. so did skype, for some reason, but youtube didn’t. There’s been a lot of stuff that suddenly started working or randomly stopped working too, like my video editing program. I had it working for a week before it quit on me and start freezing too.

‘but lurking,‘ you ask, ‘why didn’t you get it fixed?‘ the answer to that is bc i’m anxious and poor. job hunting has not been working out for me at all, and I messed up stuff last year so I didn’t get a student loan this year. My dad’s been paying my rent, so I couldn’t really beg him for more money. but! he was supposed to come up and spend a weekend with me soon (I live 8 hours away) but had to back out. and while we were talking, I tried to check something on my laptop when it decided to throw a fit instead. 

basically: he offered to pay for half of whatever the cost to fix it is, and I just got $130 in gst checks in the mail. I can finally get this thing fixed, and I’m taking it in on thursday morning. So, the same day yall will see this post.

I probably won’t be on until it’s fixed, unless I get bored enough to redownload tumblr mobile. But I have a lot of stuff in my queue! Hopefully this gets resolved soon, but until then guys! ^^

[intimatevoid]

stolen from @littledonkeyburrito

1. Do you have callouses on your fingers? I did, back when I still played guitar often. Not anymore. 2. Ever seen the movie Sky High? Fucking iconic. 3. Do you think that horses are a bit terrifying? They are truly the most evil of creatures.

4. Do you do the grocery shopping? Who else is going to do it?

5. Do you like laying out?   I don’t understand what this means..?

6. How many times have you been to the beach? Never since reaching adulthood.

7. What time do you like to wake up?   I like to wake up early, like 6am. I ACTUALLY wake up at any time between 7 and midday, depending on when I fell asleep the night before, and how badly my mental illness is playing up.

8. Do you have your own car?   I do. But it was old and crappy when I got it, and I suspect it will die before the end of next year.

9. How often do you listen to music? Usually when I'm driving, cooking, cleaning and showering.

10. Have you ever ridden a train? Are there people in western countries that haven’t been on a train?

11. Have you done anything productive today, anyway? I called my JSA about postponing my appointment til tomorrow, and made Ash a cup of tea.

12. Eaten anything delicious today? Mark bought Ash and me Chinese food last night - a rare treat for us - and I had leftovers for breakfast.

13. Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? While I'm attracted to people's looks, I'm pretty sure my motives for dating have always been mental and emotional.

14. How many boyfriends have you had in 2017? One.

15. Do you know your Social Security number by heart? I think I've memorised most of my ID numbers.

16. How often do you say ‘lol’ in a computer or text conversation? Not very often. Usually I say haha, or when I'm being more sarcastic, lmao.

17. Can you curse around your parents? When we talk on the phone I use curse words, yeah.

18. Are you happy with where you live? It's a good house but too cramped. Town-wise, Toowoomba is trash but it's the coolest (as in temperature) region you'll find north of Victoria.

19. Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No, I’m pretty damn pasty.

20. If you had the chance to move to a completely different state, would you? I don't know. All the people I care about are here. Losing their proximity would wreck me.

21. Do you have a flag? Like, a physical flag made of fabric? No.

22. Do you know where the gun in your house is?   Good god, what a terrifying assumption.

23. Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue piercing? I have kissed several people with them.

24. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring? Bug spray, sleeping bag, water.

25. Do you still see your ex? Seb and I still occasionally see each other, yeah. 26. Name the last thing to make you angry? I don’t get angry very often, so it's hard to say. 27. What has been the best year of your life so far? I don't know tbh. Every year has been either bad or weird. I guess 2016 was the least bad. 28. If someone liked you now, would you want them to tell you? Yup~ 29. The last person you held hands with, what’s their best feature? They have beautiful eyes and gentle hands and an excellent tum.

30. Is there a high chance you’ll see someone good looking tomorrow? I probably will look in a mirror, yeah

31. When was the last time you flew in a plane? Back in 2012.

32. Think of the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them in a car? Yes. 33. Do you mind sleeping on the floor? I'd rather not, but I can if I must. 34. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Not at all. Though at least it's better than my relationship with my dad... 35. What is your least favourite season? 3 36. Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours? I have hugged someone in the last 72 minutes. 37. What do you hear right now? The wind outside my window, the dull rumble of trucks on the highway, a distant train horn, the town clock ringing for 10am, and the quiet hum of my computer. 38. If you say you’ll call someone back, will you? Yes, unless I forget.

39. Do you toss and turn for hours at night or do you just fall straight to sleep? Depends on how tired I am and how mentally well I am. 40. What color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss? Same shirt I'm wearing right now, since it was at the same time as that last hug too. :P White. 41. Where do you want to live when you’re older? I want to move to Montreal with @aelwen, sometime in the next ten to twenty years. 42. When you sleep on your bed, is stuff usually on it? Sometimes. I usually kick it off though. 43. Is it easy to make you smile? Very easy. 44. Do you like to play on playgrounds? When is the last time you did? God, it's been ages. I think the last time, I was in high school, and was sitting on a playground in Gatton with a friend while we waited for our dads to pick us up.

45. What do you think of when you hear the word “meow"? Kitties and how much I love them :3

46. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

I don't think so. Sounds cramped.

47. What’s the background on your cell? A gorgeous selfie that @aelwen sent me.

48. Name the last four beds you sat on? My bed at home, Ash's bed, Ruin's bed, and Dakota's bed.

49. Would you rather have a poodle or Rottweiler? Hard to say. Whichever would be easier to care for. I wouldn't want to be a bad caretaker.

50. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Zoo, probably. I haven't been to one of those in years, but I've been to an art gallery more recently.

51. Do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day? My hair refuses to let me wear hats. There's too much of it.

52. Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Been there, done that, never again.

53. Does your bedroom have a door? Yeah, but it's a repurposed front door, and literally has a big glass window in the middle of it.

54. Do you think two people can last forever? The people of pompeii have lasted pretty well so far, but forever is still a bit of a stretch.

55. How many windows are open on your computer? No idea. I'm answering this on my phone.

56. What is your ringtone? The Overwatch POTG music. Actually it's about time I changed it...

57. Does your mum try to be cool? Idk. I haven't seen her in years.

58. What are you listening to? Now that I've moved to Ash's room, it's different. I'm listening to the wind blowing through the plants outside the window, faint voices from the park across the road, the whirring of my fan, cars passing by, and Ash using their mouse and keyboard.

59. What were you doing before you took this survey? Napping. My sleep cycle is fucked.

60. What things did you eat today? Leftover Chinese food.

61. Do you think you gained or lost weight this past month? Gained, and it went to my hips and boobs, hell yes

62. What kind of milk do you drink? Long life. Ash and I are poor and have to buy in bulk.

63. Do you swear at your parents?

Generally not AT them. I’ll use swear words in conversation with them though. Though more recently I swore at my cunt of a dad.

64. Have you ever been ice skating? No, just a tonne of roller skating.

65. Do you always wear your seat belt? Yeah, it's the law here and also I've been in enough crashes to know it's necessary.

66. Do you like sushi? I love sushi.

67. What food do you find disgusting? Very, very few. I tend to be more indifferent about foods than hateful. But let me think... Weetbix, couscous, things with nasty textures like that.

68. Do older members of the opposite sex ever hit on you? Hahaha, nobody ever hits on me.

59. Do you drink the 6-8 cups of water a day? I have a 2L water bottle that I finish off once or twice a day.

60. What does your last outgoing message say? “orrrrr i could fall asleep again"

61. Could you date someone taller than you? Oh yes. :3

62. What is your current mood? Vague.

63. Does it bother you to have dirt on the bottom of your bare feet? Not really, as long as the ground isn't too hot.

64. Who was your first crush? lmao it was Lt. Helga Sinclair from Atlantis

65. What are you wearing on your feet? Nothing because it would be insanity in this weather

66. Last person who drove you somewhere? Ash, I think

67. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No, I don't think I ever have.

68. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? I consume more vegetables but I don’t think I actually prefer one over the other.

69. What are your favourite textures? Smooth skin. Fluffy fabric. Reeeeeeally soft pillows.

70. If you won a LOT of money the lottery and decided to move, where would you move to? I would go visit a bunch of my friends before settling down in Canada, I think.

71. Alcoholic beverage of choice? Vodka tbh ^^;

72. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? Hard to say. I'd be hesitant to date anyone under the age of 21, though, bc emotional maturity.

73. If you were around in the sixties would you be a mod or a rocker? I don’t know what those words mean

74. Are thongs sexy? You ain’t actually talkin bout flipflops are ya?

75. What do you think of when I say “the twenties”? My age..?

76. Is penetration important to you? What context could this possibly be other than sexual?

77. What sport were you best at in high school? Me? Sport? High school? Ahahahahahaha

78. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Vodka~

79. Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Nnnnnnope.

80. What would you do if it snowed right now? Open up the BOM website to see if it was actually happening or I was just nuts.

81. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status? It's not really difficult to grasp?

82. Have your past mistakes made you wiser? Of course.

83. What’s your opinion on good grammar: important or not? Not inherently important, as long as communication is clear. Good grammar aids in communication but doesn't guarantee it.

84. The last time you said ‘I love you’ to someone, who said it first, them or you? I’m pretty sure one of my parents said it first because I couldn’t speak when I was a newborn. 85. Do you like potato salad? Nah, not a fan. 86. Have you ever driven and ended up running out of gas? Yeah, being povo is like that. 87. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I had an irritated eye and couldn't sleep for all the itching.

88. How old were you when you were first pulled over by the police? 20 or so, I think, for an rbt.

89. When was the last time you drank out of a champagne glass?

Never.

90. Does it flood easily where you live?

Not in this specific part of town, but Toowoomba as a whole certainly does. *remembers 2011 with a shudder*