#it’s definitely outdated. I’ve worked on the concepts a bit more now

[pulisicsgirl]

in my hour of need - mason mount

summary: eight months after the end of their relationship, Y/N and Mason find themselves at the same event—a charity gala—and the night’s events leave them both unsure of where they stand with each other

pairing: Mason Mount x reader

word count: 8.4k

warnings/tags: inappropriate joke is made about the reader, angst, self-doubt, exes-to-lovers, hurt/comfort (hee hee hee), ends with fluff of course don’t worry, lots of crying involved along the way

requested: no

based off of this concept from @mountttmase and @saltyheartnightmare

A/N: I’m so excited to finally have a fic ready to post for y’all again!!! I’ve literally been working on this one for the last three months, so it’s definitely a relief to put it out there! This is set during the TFSL gala that Mason attended back at the beginning of March, so some things might be a bit”outdated” by now… I hope yall enjoy!!!

Seeing Mason tonight had been more difficult than you had anticipated.

Eight months had passed since the fairly amicable breakup between the two of you. Things had ended on fairly good terms, but it had been the little things that built up that had led to the end of your relationship. Between Mason’s injury along with the situation at United and new, huge career opportunities that had arisen for you in the last year, the two of you seemed to be in completely different places in your lives. It seemed like you barely saw each other for a few minutes after you woke up in the morning and a few minutes before you fell asleep at night.

In the end, the disconnect was too much, and the two of you agreed to end things before they could get ugly.

You were thankful to have avoided the period of fighting and bickering that you knew would inevitably come with the track that you and Mason were on. Your relationship with him had many fond memories attached to it, and you didn’t want to see those tainted by a messy breakup. But every day that passed, you missed waking up in his bed, being by his side, spending time with him— all of it.

The two of you had tried your best to remain friends, truly. You had texted back and forth a bit, doing your best to keep up with each other’s lives and keep each other updated. You met for coffee about three weeks after the split, but after that your communication had quickly fallen off. You wondered if, like you, Mason had realized that trying to maintain a friendship had grown too painful. If, like you, it was killing him to have you sitting across from him and not be able to hold you, to kiss you, to call you his.

But there was no way for you to know— the two of you hadn’t spoken since.

It hadn’t come as a surprise that he was making an appearance at the charity gala. After all, it was him that had connected you with Together For Short Lives, the organization that Mason had a long-standing relationship with and also the organization benefitting from tonight’s events. Mason’s passion for the charity and its work had sparked something within you, and you had quickly pulled some strings to get your workplace involved with it as well— all of this while you were still together.

So when your boss told you about his contribution to the charity gala and has asked you to be the representative for the business at the auction itself, you knew that seeing Mason would be inevitable.

But it’s been eight months since the split—seven since you last saw him. Surely, you’d be fine by now, you had thought.

Unfortunately, you had thought wrong.

The first glimpse of him in the sleek black suit had sent a sharp pang through your chest, a wave of emotions crashing over you. His hair and beard were neatly trimmed and the softness of it immediately made you think of how it felt when you would run your fingers through it, or the scratch of his beard when you would cradle his jaw in your palm. His shoulders seemed to have grown broader, if that was even possible. His eyes looked brighter, and he seemed far more well-rested than you had seen him in the months leading up to your breakup.

And then the terrifying thought had hit you.

Maybe he was better off without you.

Maybe the breakup had been good for him. Maybe you had been the thing draining him in the last months of your relationship.

You felt the tears spring to your eyes as soon as the thought crossed your mind, blinking them away quickly.

But the thought continued to plague you as the night went on. There were a thousand things that were making you feel unsure of yourself and the thought that your relationship with Mason had actually been detrimental to him was just the cherry on top.

This just wasn’t the kind of event you usually found yourself at, even less a setting that you felt comfortable in. You would much prefer a quite night in or the opportunity to fade into the background. When you had been with Mason, you found yourself at a few events like this one, but you always had him at your side. Often you would allow him to navigate the evening for you, so you didn’t even have to think about anything. Tonight, instead of standing next to you so you cold hold tightly onto his arm when you felt unsteady, he was 100 feet away, engaged in conversation with someone else.

To make matters worse, you had asked a friend of yours to help you find and choose a dress for the evening, and she had insisted you would look and feel great in this elegant, low-cut, dark green dress that had an open back. At the time, she had convinced you that the piece complimented your figure and would make you feel confident and sexy. However, it was completely out of your comfort zone, and you regretted your decision to listen to her as you tugged on parts of the dress to try to cover yourself up more throughout the night.

Between the unfamiliar environment, the dress, and Mason’s presence, everything left you feeling quite unsure of yourself.

When you reached your seating assignment, you were relieved to see that you were familiar with a few of the individuals that were sitting at your table—acquaintances that worked for the same company as you who, no doubt, were also sent as representatives for the charity gala. The relief was short-lived, however, when you realized that, directly in front of you, a mere two tables over, Mason’s seat was directly in your line of sight.

You did your best to sink into the shadows, allowing conversation to flow around you without making any contribution, unless someone directly asked you a question. You also tried your hardest not to look over at Mason— this sight of him happily engaging in conversation, seemingly unaffected by your presence, was too much for your heart to handle.

A wave of relief washed over you when someone got up on the stage, removing any pressure to engage in conversation at the table as everyone turned their attention to the announcer. He spoke a bit about Together for Short Lives and the work that they did, soon announcing that it was time for the items to be auctioned off.

Some of the auction items piqued your interest, seeming like items or experiences that you thought you might enjoy. But any sort of intrigue faded when you heard the amounts of money that some of the gala’s patrons were volunteering for them, quickly realizing you were way out of your depth in this room of people.

Before too long, the announcer introduced a “Manchester United Experience,” involving a tour of the team’s facility, accompanied by the team’s star boy himself. Mason approached the stage, walking up the short flight of stairs as applause rang throughout the room. You didn’t hear much of the discussion of the experience as you got caught up in watching Mason and the playful way he interacted with the announcer and the crowd. His silly boyishness sent a pang through your heart, missing the playful way he used to interact with you.

You could’ve sworn his eyes caught yours as they swept the room, and you flashed him a short, forced smile as a sort of sign of goodwill. You weren’t exactly sure where the two of you stood, but you wanted to show him that you didn’t harbor any negative feelings toward him, despite the loss of contact.

The faintest of smiles tugged at the corner of his lips before he turned his attention back to the announcer who had just asked him a question— one that Mason had to ask him to repeat.

Soon Mason was leaving the stage, having earned an ungodly amount of money for TFSL with his promised tour of Old Trafford.

A sick feeling settled in your gut, knowing it couldn’t be much longer before your company’s contribution was auctioned off. The mere thought of stepping onto that stage sent a rush of fear through your veins.

Before you knew it, you found yourself standing to the side of the stage, awaiting your queue to join the announcer on it. Your palms felt sweaty, your heart racing as you tried your best to compose yourself. Applause rang through the room, and you put all of your focus into not tripping as you walked up the stairs.

The room felt ten times bigger from atop the stage, filled with many more people than you had realized were in attendance. You tried to focus on smiling and nodding at the appropriate moments as the announcer explained what your company was auctioning off.

“And of course, we’re very appreciative of Miss… uhm…”

“Y/L/N,” you spoke quietly as the announcer trailed off.

“Yes, we’re very appreciative of Miss Y/L/N being here with us tonight,” the announcer resumed his charismatic personality after it had faltered briefly. “She’s certainly doing her part to raise money for a good cause. I mean, with this much skin on show, that has to be worth a few extra pounds on your bid, right?”

Your stomach sank to your feet as laughter erupted in the large room. You felt the heat in your cheeks, your smile faltering at his words. You suddenly felt ten times more self-conscious of yourself as you stood on the stage, feeling like a zoo animal being laid bare and displayed for everyone’s entertainment.

“With that, we’re going to start the bidding off at…” The announcers voice faded as the room felt like it was closing in on you. Your eyes flicked through the crowd, jumping from face to face until you found the one you were looking for— Mason.

While everyone else seemed to still be composing themselves from the eruption of laughter at the joke the announcer had made at your expense, Mason’s eyes met yours with the saddest expression you though you had ever seen. You could just barely make out his lips mouthing the words it’s okay, you’re okay, before your misty eyes could no longer make out his face.

You composed yourself just long enough for the announcer to finish off the auction, and you offered him a forced smile before you rushed off of the stage.

All you knew was that you needed to be anywhere but this room. You needed to get out, away from all of the people who had just witnessed your very public humiliation.

You made a beeline toward the back of the large hall that everyone was seated in, spotting the double doors that you knew led out to the hallway. Your heels click on the floor as you push through the doors and find the exit out to the decorative garden off of the side of the building being used for the gala. Thinking a bit of fresh air would do you good, you rushed outside, ignoring the chill that rushed through you as the cold air met your skin. Moving quickly away from the building, you ducked behind some hedges in the hope that no one would see you.

Your breathing was heavy as you tried your best to dampen the emotions welling up inside of you. Your throat felt tight as you fought back the tears of embarrassment, frustration, and regret. Forcing yourself to breath slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth, you did your best to wipe gently at the corners of your eyes, praying that you wouldn’t ruin the makeup you had done only a few hours before.

“Y/N?” you heard a voice call from around the corner. Your heart sank as you recognized the gentle tone and the footsteps let you know that he was close. This was surely not the circumstances you had hoped to be in when you spoke to him for the first time in months.

You turned your back just in time for Mason to round the corner and find you hiding away in your little nook. There was nothing you hated more than the idea of letting him see you cry in this moment.

“Y/N, love-“

“I’m fine, Mason.” Your voice came out harsher than you had meant for it to. “Really, I’m okay. Just go back to the auction.”

Undeterred by the way you had spoken, Mason took a couple of steps closer to you. “No, you’re not, Y/N. I know you better than that.”

You couldn’t respond, and you knew he hadn’t missed the small sniffle you had let out as you bit your lip to keep it from trembling.

It was only a moment before you felt his fingers gently take hold of your arm, turning you to face him. Your head was bowed low, still unwilling to let him see your misty eyes.

“C’mere, love,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around your torso as he pulled you in for a tight hug. You couldn’t keep yourself from returning the gesture, your arms wrapped under his as you pressed your palms into his broad back to hold him close. You tucked your face into his neck and suddenly, your heart felt more settled than it had in months.

“He had no right to say anything like that— about you or about anyone,” Mason mumbled into your hair, pressing a barely-there kiss to your temple. “It was completely inappropriate, and you have every right to feel upset. I’m so sorry.”

He brought a hand up to cradle the back of your head, holding you closer to him. You didn’t fight it at all, settling into him more and taking comfort in the proximity.

When he could tell that your breathing had steadied, Mason pulled back, still holding you with one arm as he looked down at you with a soft smile.

“There she is.” He brought his free hand up, brushing his thumb gently under your eyes to wipe away a tear that had fallen. The gesture was so gentle and intimate that you felt like your knees were about to give out, thankful that he still had one arm around you to steady you. “Whatever waterproof makeup you’re using is working because you still look perfect,” he joked, warmth flooding through him at the soft giggle you let out before dropping your forehead onto his chest.

“For the record, your dress is beautiful,” Mason said softly. You knew he must have sensed your discomfort with how much skin you had on show, even before the gala announcer had made any comment about it. “And, in the least creepy, predatory way possible, you look amazing tonight.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, wanting to convey your gratitude to him while trying to ignore the flutter in your stomach at his words. The one thing you did like about the mostly open back of the dress is that you could feel Mason’s palm flattened directly against your skin as he held you close, his thumb rubbing back and forth in soothing motions. This, combined with the look in his eye that you couldn’t quite place as he looked down at you, made your skin feel like it was on fire, the heat rising up your neck and into your cheeks.

You brought your hands to his chest, holding the lapels of his jacket in your hand before you spoke quietly. “We should go back inside before anyone realizes we’ve gone.” You felt suddenly overwhelmed by the interaction with him, feeling yourself falling back into old habits without even intending to.

Mason unwound his hands from your waist, seeming a bit discouraged by your comment as he merely nodded, holding his arm out for you to take. You did so, holding onto his elbow to keep yourself steady as he led you back inside.

It was quiet between the two of you, neither sure what to say to the other after the intimate moment in the garden. Once back inside you squeezed his elbow gently, saying, “I’m gonna go freshen up really quickly, but I’ll see you back out there,” with a gentle smile. Mason nodded, letting you step away from him and into the bathroom.

In truth, while you did feel a need to freshen up a bit after the tears you had shed outside, you needed a moment to collect yourself— not because of the auction announcer’s comments, but because of Mason.

You stood at the small sink in the ladies’ room, watching yourself in the mirror as you tried to stop the way your head seemed to be spinning. The last time you had seen Mason was seven months ago, engaged in stiff conversation because neither of you knew how to speak to each other after the breakup. But now, he had come to your rescue without a second thought and held you as if the breakup had never even happened.

And it felt right…

You shook your head, telling yourself not to read too much into it— Mason is a caring person and just because he ran to your side when someone had said something hurtful about you doesn’t mean he wants you back. You were self-aware enough to recognize that you had a tendency to let your thoughts run away with you, and you did your best to shut it down before it got out of hand.

At the same time, Mason’s mind was also running wild. His brain felt as if it was under some sort of fog, intoxicated by the feeling of being able to touch your skin again. He was like an addict who had quit, cold turkey, some months ago, and the first taste of your proximity had nearly done him in. He couldn’t stop thinking of how it felt to be so close to you again— to feel your weight against his body, to smell your shampoo that was still the same, to hear your soft voice, muffled by his own neck, your gentle breaths fanning over his skin.

He was worried that maybe he had been too forward— maybe you hadn’t wanted him to run after you. He didn’t want you to think he felt like he needed to rescue you from every poor situation, but after hearing the announcer’s comments and seeing the way it had so clearly upset you (even though everyone else seemed to have overlooked it), he knew he couldn’t just let you be on your own.

He been wary of overwhelming you, but it felt right to pull you into his arms out in the garden. It felt right to hold you close to him and rub gentle, soothing circles into your back with his thumb, the way he’d always done before.

Mason felt unsure of himself. He worried that your hurry to get back inside was to get away from him. He pondered with the idea of going back into the gala so it didn’t seem like he was hovering. But he battled with himself internally, thinking that you may not have wanted to be left to your own devices.

He hated that the months he had spent apart from you had robbed him of his ability to read you. He just wished he could figure out what was going on in your head.

In the bathroom, if you hadn’t had a full face of makeup on, you would’ve taken this opportunity to splash your face with cold water. However, a few deep breaths while you told yourself to get it together would have to do, and you exited the bathroom, planning to find your way back to your table and leave as soon as the event was over. It would be best, you thought, to not engage too much with Mason to avoid getting your hopes up before they were inevitably crushed.

Those plans were cut short the moment you stepped out of the bathroom and into the building’s foyer. There, Mason was waiting for you, and your stomach did a flip at the soft smile that took over his face when he lifted his head and saw you.

A wave of relief that you hadn’t expected washed over you at the sight of him waiting there.

“It sounds like they’ve wrapped up the auction in there.” Mason jabbed a thumb over his shoulder, gesturing toward the large hall that you had fled from just a bit ago. You could hear the sound of loud conversation and laughter, signaling that Mason was, indeed correct, and the guests would be starting to exit the hall soon.

Unsure of what you were meant to say, you were thankful when Mason spoke up again. “Look, I’m here, and you’re welcome to stick with me if you’re still feeling a bit overwhelmed, but if you want me to just leave you be, I understa-”

“No, please,” you rushed to cut him off, the thought of having the face the room full of people before you alone sending a feeling of dread down your spine. “I mean… I just… can I just walk with you?” Your voice was small when you spoke again, feeling pathetic for being incapable of facing an event without him by your side.

A warm feeling spread across Mason’s chest at your words, feeling a sense of pride that his presence made you feel even a little bit safer in the unfamiliar environment. Wordlessly, he offered his arm to you again, a reassuring smile on his lips.

As much as you wanted to portray yourself as an independent person who was able to take care of yourself, you had to admit that the rest of the evening felt much easier with Mason at your side. It was so easy to slip back into the same old routine—everyone wanted to talk to the star footballer, and you were happy to stand quietly at his side while he shook hands and unleashed his irresistible charm on each one.

Mason kept you close to him at all times, and the warmth of him settled your nerves tremendously. The gentle placement of his hand on your lower back sent tingles up your spine every time, and it took everything in you not to wrap your arms around his waist, afraid of overstepping.

It wasn’t much longer before Mason was leaning down, mumbling in your ear to ask if you were ready to leave. He knew this wasn’t your scene at all and had been looking for an opportunity to get you out of there since the two of you had stepped back into the gathering hall.

You had to hold back a shiver as his breath fanned over your neck, nodding in response. You let him know you just had to pop over to your table to grab your things and he nodded, following as you led the way.

Once you had retrieved your clutch and bid as quick of a goodbye as you could muster to those that were still lingering at your table, you and Mason turned to leave, heading back toward the set of doors you had entered through. The hall had grown more crowded, and as you weaved between tables, you allowed Mason to grasp your hand, leading the way through the sea of people so you wouldn’t be separated.

As you entered the foyer, Mason tugged you forward gently so that you returned to his side. The two of you exchanged a short smile.

“Is your hotel close by?” you asked, trying to make a bit of small talk as the two of you walked toward the exit.

When the bridge of Mason’s nose went red, a shy but unsure smile on his face, you slapped a hand over your face, realizing the double meaning of your question.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” you felt the heat in your face as you, no doubt, were turning bright red. “I was just trying to make small talk. Clearly, I’m not good at it.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Mason couldn’t hold back his laughter. “Uh, I’m actually making the drive back to Manchester tonight. We’ve got training tomorrow morning, so I’ve got to get home.” Mason reached the door, holding it open for you. “What about you? Are you nearby?”

“Yeah, actually.” The two of you reached the sidewalk in front of the building, coming to a stop as you turned toward each other. “I’m supposed to be a hotel just a bit that way.” You pointed behind him, toward the accommodations that your job was paying for.

There was a beat of silence between the two of you.

“You know… you’re welcome to tag along back to Manchester with me, if you wanted to. I could use the company to keep me awake.” Mason smiled softly at you, remembering how much you hated staying in hotels.

“Don’t you have Lewis or someone with you? I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Mason shook his head in response, mumbling a quiet, “just me.” He was subtly rocking back and forth on his feet, and you could tell he was nervous about your answer.

Getting to go home, rather than sleeping in an uncomfortable hotel bed did sound pretty nice after the turn your night had taken.

Mason watched your eyebrows furrow in thought, an anxious feeing settling in his tummy as he awaited your response.

“You’re sure?”

Mason did his best to conceal the excitement he felt at the idea of getting to spend a couple more hours with you. “Yeah, I’m sure,” he whispered. “Come on, you and I both know you won’t get any sleep in that hotel bed.”

You couldn’t deny that he was right.

It wasn’t long before you were ducking into the passenger seat of Mason’s car, making sure the bottom of your dress was all the way in before Mason closed the door behind you.

The drive started out quiet, neither of you sure how to navigate the situation that you found yourself in. But as soon as you asked Mason about the FA Cup quarterfinal win over Liverpool where he had made his return following injury, his face lit up and things felt like they were almost back to normal.

You did your best to keep the topic of conversation on Mason and his life, not wanting to speak about yourself. Any time he seemed to be coming to the end of one topic, you were sure to ask another question before he had the chance to ask one to you.

Because, truth be told, life had been nothing but dull since the two of you had parted ways. Seeing him tonight was the most interesting thing to happen to you since… well, since the last time you’d seen him.

It was no secret that the transition to Manchester had been difficult for the both of you. There was no doubt it had contributed to the ending of your relationship. Leaving behind your friends, your old flat, and all of the things you had known had been no easy task. Thankfully, you had been able to stay in the same line of work, merely transferring to a new location. But you had struggled to adjust to the new, unfamiliar city, even more so when you didn’t have Mason at your side. Weekend visits back to London to visit your old friends were all that had kept you going in the last months.

As you listened to Mason telling stories of all of the fun things he had gotten up to with the boys on the team that he had grown closer with, the self-doubt creeped back in. He seemed to be doing so much better since the two of you called things off, and again your mind told you that maybe he was better off without you.

Mason noticed the change in your demeanor almost immediately. The car grew quiet, and you sat with your head leaned against the window, watching the lights as they passed. It may have been months since he last saw you, but he could recognize the signs of you overthinking from a mile away, unsure of whether it was about the announcer’s comments from earlier in the night or the fact that you were sitting in a car with him.

Wanting to provide a bit of reassurance, Mason reached over, taking your hand in his, bringing it up to his face, and pressing a quick kiss to the back of it. He placed your hand back in your lap, moving to put his back on the steering wheel, but your grip tightened slightly to prevent him from doing so. Your head remained pressed against the glass, but the small gesture brought a smile to Mason’s face as he shifted to intertwine his fingers with yours.

Mason didn’t press you for conversation, allowing you the space to process the events of the night however you needed to. Before long, Mason heard the soft sound of your deep, steady breathing, and a quick glance in your direction revealed that you had drifted off to sleep, your hand relaxed in his. The dull ache that had settled in his chest all night grew a bit sharper as he stole a few glances in your direction, admiring the peaceful expression on your face.

As much as he tried to hide it, as much as he tried to put on a brave face and talk about all of the amazing things that had been going on in his like recently, he couldn’t deny…

He missed you.

He missed having you like this, at his side at the end of a long day. He missed the feeling of ease that washed over him just by knowing you were close by and being able to have that same effect on you. He missed catching up with you at the end of the day, instead of trying to accurately recap the seven months that had passed since he’d last seen you.

He just missed you being in his life and had spent the last eight months trying to find out how to get you back in it.

*

You were jostled awake as you heard the sound of a car door closing. You sat up straight, blinking your eyes a few times as you tried your best to figure out where you were. You recognized the interior of Mason’s car, a flash of confusion running through you before the memories of the night came flooding back in.

The car door at your side opened, Mason appearing at your side as he crouched down, offering you the gentlest of smiles.

“Hey there, love,” he spoke softly, and the kind look in his eyes made your heart flutter. “You fell asleep on the way back, and I realized I don’t know where your new flat is.”

The little flutter of your heart quickly died, the reality of your failed relationship crashing back in after you had been able to put it to the back of your mind for much of the night since Mason had come to your aid.

“O-Oh, I’m sorry,” you shook your head, reaching for your bag to pull out your phone. “I’ll just order a car, I’m so sor-”

“Don’t be silly, just stay here. I’ve got some extra things you can use, and I’m going into training late tomorrow anyway, so I can drop you at home on my way,” Mason smiled at you, and the way his eyes shone hopefully meant you wouldn’t need much convincing, whispering a soft “okay” in reply.

Mason took your hand, helping you out of the car and leading you inside as you wiped your bleary eyes. He led you to his room, releasing your hand as he wandered through the room, laying out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants for you to wear. He wandered to the bathroom for a few moments. When he emerged, you watched with confusion as he collected a few things in his hands and walked toward his door.

“You can sleep in here tonight. I still had some of your skincare products left over from before, so they’re out on the counter,” he smiled at you. “I’ll just be in the guest room, if you need anything.”

His generosity caught you off-guard, and before you could come up with a response, he placed a quick kiss to the top of your head and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

You stood in the middle of the room for a moment, just looking around, taking it all in. You never would have suspected that you’d find yourself here again, and you couldn’t wrap your head around the turn that this night had taken.

Finally snapping yourself out of it, you slipped out of your dress, pulling Mason’s shirt over your head. The scent of his cologne mixed with the laundry detergent he always used brought a wave of emotion crashing over you, and your lower lip wobbled as you walked into the bathroom.

Along with a spare toothbrush that he had set out for you, all of your skincare products were lined up on the counter, and the thought that he had held onto them for you after all this time was what finally caused the tears the spill down your cheeks, the emotions of the night finally catching up with you.

When you crawled into the bed, face washed and feeling fresher after the long night, you allow the tears to flow, pressing your face into Mason’s pillow.

All of it was so overwhelming. Seeing him again after so long. How unsure you had felt of yourself throughout the night. Being humiliated in front of an entire audience. The way Mason had run to your side without a moment’s hesitation. The way it had felt so natural to fall back into conversation with him, to touch him, for him to touch you. Being back in the house that you had once shared with him.

It was all too much.

Not even 30 feet away, Mason was lying on his back in the guest bed, eyes wide open as he stared at the ceiling. There was no way he was falling asleep any time soon, the thought of you in his bed only a few steps away enough to keep him awake.

After an hour had passed, accompanied by only his racing thoughts, Mason toyed with the idea of sneaking down to his room to see if you were awake. There were a thousand things he wanted to say to you, and he felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t get to say them soon.

But he thought better of it, guessing that you were probably already asleep, and he didn’t want to disturb you.

However, Mason had guessed wrong. Instead, you were lying on your side, legs tucked up close to your body, staring at the small, framed photo of the two of you on Mason’s side table. It had always been there during your relationship, and the thought that he had kept it in the time since you had split brought such a weight of sadness over you that you felt sick.

Did he miss you the way you missed him? Did he, too, regret not fighting harder for your relationship with every day that passed?

The thought kept you awake until the early hours of the morning.

When Mason awoke the next morning, a heavy exhaustion weighed on him as he had only slept a few hours, tossing and turning the entire time. He crawled out of bed and slipped a shirt over his head, his feet padding softly on the carpeted floor as he moved down the hallway to check on you. He noticed that the door to his room was already open, and when he peeked his head in, you were nowhere to be found.

From the way the blankets were shifted, Mason could tell that you had slept on his side of the bed, and his chest tightened at the thought.

The sound of clinking pots and pans coming from the kitchen caused Mason’s ears to perk up and led him in that direction.

As Mason rounded the corner, he found you, with your back facing him, standing in front of the oven. Your hair, falling across your shoulders, still held some of the curl that you had done for the event the night prior. Mason’s heart clenched at the sight of you in his shirt and a pair of his sweatpants.

A few pans and bowls were scattered across the stovetop and counters, and Mason recognized all of the components of the hearty breakfast you used to make when both of you had the day off. The combination of smells was so specific, and the déjà vu nearly made him dizzy.

You turned around, reaching for a bowl on the counter and jumped slightly when you saw Mason there.

“Sorry,” he breathed, still at a bit of a loss for words. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that.”

You just gave him a small smile and a short “s’okay” as you turned back to the stove. “Sorry if I woke you.” Your voice sounded so small—Mason hated it. He hated the tension that hung in the air between the two of you. He hated the fact that you had nearly become strangers to each other.

In the hours that you had spent, lying awake with your thoughts running wild in Mason’s bed, you had resolved to avoid complicating things further than they already had been. Things were awkward enough between the two of you after Mason had graciously come to the rescue, despite the ending of your relationship, and you were determined to make it home without making it worse.

You owed it to yourself— your feelings for Mason were still there, hidden just beneath the surface. But you refused to put yourself out there and put your heart through that pain again.

You wished you had it in you to be cold with him, completely cutting off any chance of rekindling something between the two of you— any risk of getting your hopes up. But you knew Mason, and you knew that he often wore his heart on his sleeve, and you couldn’t bring yourself to hurt him like that, either.

But despite your resolve and determination, the sorrow-filled gaze in Mason’s eyes had already begun to pierce through the armor that you had put around your heart.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as Mason slipped into one of the chairs on the opposite side of the island countertop. His eyes followed you as you finished preparing the last of the breakfast. You dished out two plates— a portion for yourself and another, larger portion for Mason.

“You didn’t have to do all this, you know?” Mason spoke softly as you set the plate in front of him.

You shrugged, standing on the opposite side of the island from him as you stared down at your own plate. “It’s the least I could do. It’s your food anyway,” you mumbled, poking at your eggs with a fork, suddenly feeling too sick to eat anything.

“Well, thank you, Y/N,” Mason said, earnestly. “I really appreciate it.”

Mason couldn’t help but feel discouraged by your stony demeanor. He had hoped that after the night prior, the two of you might be on the right path to sorting things out between you, but now he wasn’t so sure.

He kept stealing quick glances at you as he ate, savoring every delicious bite. But he could tell how uneasy you felt as you stood there, tucking your hair behind your ear as you took small bites from your plate.

The tension was thick as the two of you ate in silence, neither one sure how to even begin the conversation. Did you talk about last night, or leave the topic untouched?

The longer the silence stretched between the two of you, the heavier the weight on your heart grew. As much as you had tried not to get your hopes up, and as many times as you told yourself that your relationship with Mason was well and truly over, a small part of you had still hoped that he would say something this morning— anything, really. That small part of you wanted to believe that this chance encounter was the key—a sign that the two of you needed to find your way back to each other.

But despite it all, the spark that you had hoped was still there seemed to have been snuffed out.

You kept your eyes glued to your plate, afraid that Mason would see them shining with tears and start asking questions. You didn’t want him to think you were pathetic— needing him to rescue you the night before and now here, standing in his kitchen, crying because he didn’t want you back.

You took a breath and steeled yourself to pack up your things from his room and get the fastest Uber back home you could manage.

Swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat, you scraped the last of your food into the trashcan, no longer able to stomach another bite, and placed the empty dish in the sink. You left the kitchen as quickly as you could, trying to hide your face from Mason as the first tears fell.

Mason was taken by surprise at your sudden rush to leave the room, the noise a stark contrast to the silence that had hung thick in the air. He watched your back as you walked out without so much as a glance in his direction.

His stomach sank. He had hoped, after lying awake all night thinking of you, that you had been cooking breakfast for him as a sort of sign—a signal that you wanted to talk things over again and revisit the topic of him and you. But the unpleasant aura that had remained between the two of you while you ate had gotten you no closer to that conversation.

Maybe he had read too far into things. Maybe the breakfast had just been a ‘thank you’ for driving you back to Manchester last night. Maybe he had pushed too far and inviting you to stay at his was too much, too soon.

Mason pushed his plate away from him, dropping his head into his hands and huffing a sigh as he felt his eyes burn with tears that surprised him. He hadn’t realized just how much the last 24 hours had gotten his hopes up for reigniting a relationship with you until you seemed to have walked away from it altogether.

It was almost like he could feel his heart breaking all over again.

But no, Mason resolved. He refused to let you walk away from him again, not until he had fully expressed to you how deeply he missed you, how much he still cared for you.

With renewed determination, Mason stood from his chair and nearly ran to his bedroom.

Standing outside of his own bedroom door, Mason hesitated for a moment, again overthinking his decision to confront the issue head-on.

But that didn’t last for more than a second before he was tapping his knuckles gently on the door three times.

“You can come in,” he heard your small voice.

When he opened the door, slowly, he found you just returning from the bathroom, several of your own items in hand. As you attempted to collect all of your things, Mason didn’t miss the tear you tried to inconspicuously wipe from your cheek or the soft sniffle you tried to hide with a cough. His heart softened— seeing you cry had always been one of the things he hated most.

“I have an Uber on the way. Should be here any minute. I don’t want to ask you to drive me again,” you spoke hurriedly, as if overcompensating for your fragile state by talking too much. “I can, um, just wash these clothes and drop them off sometime. I really-“

You were cut off when you turned to walk around to the other side of the bed and instead, ran straight into Mason’s chest.

He steadied you with a hand on each of your arms. He held an unreadable expression on his face, and you knew there was no hiding the tear streaks on your cheeks now. However, Mason’s eyes shone with as he looked down at you.

It was silent for several seconds until Mason spoke in a whisper, pleading.

“Don’t go.”

And the silence returned. Your thoughts were spinning a mile a minute. Your mouth dropped open, your brain making its most valiant attempt at forming a response, and yet no words came to you.

Mason took your loss for words as an invitation to continue. “I miss mornings like this. I miss falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up next to you. I miss talking to you at the end of the day,” his lower lip wobbled as he paused to collect himself. “I miss you, Y/N.”

His words pierced right to your heart. Whatever walls you had built to keep him out were nowhere near strong enough and you could already feel them beginning to crumble.

“Letting you walk away was the biggest mistake of my life, and I’ve spent every day since then wishing I could go back and change it all. I would’ve fought harder for you— for us.” Mason pleaded softly. “Seeing you last night made me realize that none of that has gone away, I still feel the way I did before. Please— please tell me you feel it, too.”

The tears poured freely from your eyes now, and there was no holding them back. You rolled your lips into your mouth, attempting to hold in a sob. Mason’s hands left your arms, coming up to cradle your cheeks as you closed your eyes, leaning into his touch. His thumbs swiped at your cheeks, trying to dry your tears.

“I can’t, Mason. W-We can’t,” your voice trembled.

“Why can’t we?” Mason was desperate, resting his forehead against yours. The proximity was making your head spin, the feeling of his breath fanning across your face too familiar, too overwhelming.

“Who’s to say it won’t be the same as the last time?” you cried, finally looking back at him. “I can’t go through that pain, not again.”

“We decide that it’ll be different.” Mason was ready to get on his knees and beg if he had to. “Things will be better this time— I’ll be better.”

He knew that what you had was worth fighting for, and if there was any chance—even a shred of hope—that you would give him another shot, he had to take it.

You looked up into his tear-filled eyes as he whispered, “I just know I can’t lose you, Y/N, not again.”

Like a dam breaking loose, a sob wracked your body at his words. Whatever had been left of the walls you had built up came crashing to the ground. Mason was quick to pull you into his chest, resting his cheek on the top of your head as he rubbed soothing circles into your back.

It was like all of the hurt and emotions from the last eight months tore through you at once. Mason, feeling the way your frame was shaking, held you tightly to him, as if he were the only thing holding you together in that moment. He kissed the top of your head, and you could hear him sniffle, knowing that he was crying, too.

As your cries grew softer and you began to calm down, you clutched Mason’s shirt tightly in your fists, afraid that if you released him, he would disappear.

Mason eventually leaned back to look at you and you lifted your head from where it was buried in his chest. There was the softest hint of a smile on his face as he tried to wipe away the remaining tears.

“I-If we do this…” Mason’s tummy flipped at your words, clinging to the sense of hope that they brought. “If we give this another chance, we have to take it slow.”

Mason nodded quickly, his eyes flicking all over your face for any sign of hesitation. “Anything you need, love. Anything at all.”

Your lower lip wobbled as you took him in. “I’ve missed you so much, Masey.”

Mason pressed his lips firmly to your forehead, his heart soaring at the use of his nickname. “I’m here now, and I’m not leaving— never again.”

You leaned forward, pressing your face into his neck and hugged him again, trying to drink if the feeling of being back in his arms. You let him overwhelm your senses— the feeling of his arms around your body, his comforting scent as you breathed him in, the sound of his heartbeat that calmed you so easily.

“I know we’re taking it slow, but I have a couple more hours until training,” Mason spoke softly as you pulled back, looking up at him. A hopeful smile played on his lips. “Will you stick around? Cancel your Uber. I can take you home on my way.”

“Are you sure?” There was still that shred of lingering doubt, the fear of imposing yourself.

“I’m so sure,” he smiled. “I don’t think i’m ready to let go of you just yet.”

You couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped your lips before you whispered a soft “okay.”

Never, when you left for the gala the night before, did you think this was where you would find yourself—back at Mason’s house, as he led you to the couch to cuddle while you talked about what your next steps would be. But as you lay in his arms, admiring the soft scattering of freckles across his cheeks, you felt a piece of your heart that had been missing those last few months begin to heal.

And you couldn’t be more thankful that you had your boy back.

As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!!! 🤍

tag list:

@hischierswhore @thoseboysinblue @lovelynikol16 @swimmingismywholelife @masonsrem @brasiliangp @neverinadream @lizzypotter14 @notsoattractivearenti @chilwellspulisic @sid-vii @captainpulisic

[palossssssand]

Assorted slug city concept ideas! I realize that I haven’t really shared much of it outside of discord but it’s a project that I’ve been slowly building up for the past couple of years.

1. Cephalopolis’s landmark, Myce Tower, which houses government officials, military units, and the main headquarters/city hall. Interior scribble of a Myce housing unit, which can be 3-4 floors with ample space. Also shown is an interior of a unit from The Mulches, structures that form a ring around the perimeter of the city and crowds multiple units per tower and are generally 1-2 floors.

2. Sketches of Moberry and Maika, who designed and ran Cephalopolis with a few others until Maika became invested in controlling the city’s population through unethical means.

3. A cross section view of the true expanse of the city. Cephalopolis is the “upper city”, and beneath the earth lies a massive, sprawling, underground structure that was designed and built by Moberry and their colleagues after they quit working for Maika. This was designed to be a safe haven for those fearing Maika’s rule. I haven’t decided on a name for it, but the underground is supposed to be shaped like a cicada(and I also have yet to decide if it is actually a massive cicada shell or if it was just designed to look like one). The interior is well-lit with lanterns containing bioluminescent energy, and it consists of layered chambers that are accessible via climbing vehicles that traverse along the branching structures, with a central port/structure designated for government office. The underground city takes inspiration from wasp nests, ant tunnels, and termite mounds.

Hopefully I can share more about Slug City soon because it’s definitely still in The Works and there’s still a lot of stuff I haven’t figured out yet!

[nerdwriting]

The Creative Directors Behind Fate: The Winx Saga Must Not Be K-Pop Fans

Also, they have a pretty wrong idea of the role fashion should play in a show.

There are a few words that will stand out across most reviews of Netflix's Fate: The Winx Saga - drab, boring, flop, flat, unimaginative. Critics and audiences consensus is that the show is not only a mediocre-at-best story, but also an atrocious (and ultimately confusing) choice of adaptation of the color pop and fairy magic cartoon it’s based on, 2004 italian cartoon Winx Club.

Fate has plenty of it's own issues - white washing and erasing characters, cringey dialogue, outdated melodrama, etc. But where it truly, unequivocally fails is as an adaptation. Fate misses everything that was magical and lovable about the original series, in all levels, from bizarre writing choices, - such as never actually developing any sense of friendship between the characters, who are based on a cartoon about…..a group…….of friends -, but it's especially and immediately felt in the art direction and costume design.

Winx Club is set on a fantastical world, Magix, where each of our main characters hail from a different planet, à la Sailor Moon. Alfea, the fairy school they attend, is the most common background: a pastel colored, futuristic high tech-meets-fantasy, art nouveau inspired castle. Alfea sets the tone for the whole visual of the cartoon: bright, colorful, futuristic meets vintage, leaning into the technological positivism of the Y2K style, uniting it with magic, DnD worthy monsters and, of course, fairy wings. Often featured are also the Red Fountain school, where the Specialists train, and especially Cloud Tower, the goth and gothic inspired witch school Alfea has an OxBridge rivalry with (How cool would that be in a live action? I guess we’ll never know…).

On Fate, Alfea is the only school we ever see, and it’s another beige boarding school in not-Britain, somehow set in a magical world where everyone has the exact same technology and even social media that we have on Earth in 2021, no transformations and, most egregiously, no fairy wings.

This lack of visual creativity is pervasive throughout the whole show, and its most heartbreaking iteration is in the characters' wardrobe. The styling has the barest bones of a color scheme, - such as 'Bloom has to only dress in red since fire, duh',- the clothes are ill fitting, bland, dark and very dated. These are supposed to be teenagers who enjoy fashion, and yet they look like varying types of soccer moms from 2010.

The series seems to operate on an old and tired vision that women and girls can’t have depth and have adventures and fight monsters while also caring about fashion, a vision that the original show played a big, big role in challenging in the early 2000's. Fashion and costume design sets as much of the tone of a visual medium as the script does; through clothes we can gauge characters’ backgrounds, passions, and personality.

Winx Club has some of the best examples of this in the cartoon sphere - Bloom’s comfortable and bright style, Stella’s glitzy and bold, Musa’s edgy and cool, Aisha’s sporty and fun, Techna’s neon and tech gear inspired, Flora’s earthy and romantic, they all work as extensions of each character and serve a narrative purpose. And that’s not even mentioning how insulting it feels that in their quest to make Winx “edgier, darker” and fit for an older audience, the creators of Fate somehow decided that was in opposition to caring about style and fashion. Most “girly” shows, including the Winx Club are just as much adventure action shows as the ones geared towards boys, and it’s emphasis in fashion, friendship and color does not detract from that. The original run of the cartoon deals with war, violence, grief, abusive relationships and even genocide; leaning into those plotlines would not require Fate to erase any integral parts of what made Winx so beloved, and the fact that they did shows that the Netflix team completely missed the point of fashion in the original show, and really, the point of fashion and costume design in the world building of any show.

That, however, is not a mistake K-Pop makes very often; (This might seem like a bit of wild swerve in topic, but stay with me here). Unlike it's western counterpart, the Korean pop scene never lost the emphasis on music videos and how the visual medium can complete and potentialize music and performance; the K-Pop culture is very album and concept oriented in a way that has been all but lost in many other pop circuits, and the music video, styling and set design of a ‘comeback era’ is a key point of excitement among fans.

As such, music videos that follow storylines, connected universes, boundary pushing concepts and visual effects are the norm, rather than the exception, and a list could be made of works that are beautiful examples of what a live action Winx adaptation could look like. In fact, and very smoothly, here is a small list of exactly that!

A Small List of K-Pop Music Videos That Are Better Winx Club Live Actions Than Fate: The Winx Saga

3. Red Velvet - Psycho

If it was a darker and more somber look that Fate wanted, there was a way to make it actually appealing. While it still feels a liiitle too grown up and elegant for Winx, (maybe this author is biased, as a full proponent for the Y2K fun) Psycho makes a very compelling argument for a witchy, mysterious, fairy tale-esque show that could look scrumptious and definitely not boring, or even a gorgeous example of what the witches in Cloud Tower could look like. Black and white, dark green, pastel blue and pops of jewel tones make Psycho's color palette. To add interest to the understated colors, the styling is heavy on textures; We see plenty of stonework, intricate embroidery, tassels, lace on lace on lace, feathers, bows, opera gloves and lots of glitter. All of that is offset by bold, dark makeup, leather accents and eerie cinematography. Needle & Thread, Marchesa Notte and Self Portrait lend their hyper feminine and intricately detailed tulle gowns, juxtaposed with the creepiness of the lyrics and the dark backgrounds; their deep berry and green fairy tale looks are built with pieces from Zara to Nina Ricci to Dolce & Gabbana to Alexander McQueen.

Red Velvet’s more edgy styling for 2018's Bad Boy would also not feel out of place on the Trix.

2. IZ*ONE - Fiesta

IZ*ONE kicked off 2020 with sweet and fun Fiesta. The MV features rooms with mismatched décor that go from retro to space opera, rocky faux landscapes that feel other worldly, and visual effects that would look perfect on the back of a transformation sequence. Mirroring the set design, the girls wear various outfits by sustainable up and coming brand Chopova Lowena. Their signature skirts made with discarded and repurposed fabrics give a cool and interesting twist on a schoolgirl look that would look very sweet for a band of school fairies that occasionally go off to save the world. Also, wouldn't those bedazzled headphones look great on Musa's fairy outfit?

1. Aespa - Black Mamba and Next Level

Aespa is what fans call a monster rookie. With only three music videos under their belt, they still have some of the most visually interesting work in the industry right now. Their concept is very tied in with high tech, featuring even AI avatars of each member, packaged in a glitzy, fantastical and futuristic aesthetic, candy pop meets cyberpunk. I think I’ve exhausted ways to say that is exactly what a perfect Winx adaptation should feature.

Their debut smash hit, 2020’s Black Mamba is truly a perfect moodboard for live action Winx. Wearing a sequined and colorful mix and match of Dollskill, Gucci, Didu and Balenciaga to a backdrop that features some alien fairy forest realness, a pyschedelic fever dream, rooms straight out of a Y2K catalog or donning lime green and black techwear inside a metro fighting the "black mamba", Aespa look through and through the part of fashion loving fairies who save the world together, while looking fierce, stylish and, most importantly, interesting.

The styling and the sets jump seamlessly from more casual colorful fits with blouses, shirts and baggy pants to barren, darkly lit backgrounds and fringe-and-glitter heavy pieces necessary to fight giant snakes, in a way so fitting to transformation outfits for magical girls we could cry.

In their third MV, 2021's Next Level, the cyber in their concept is taken up a notch (get it. because Next Level-), set to a futuristic urbanscape intersped with a planet made of crystals and the ocasional alien fauna popping up again. We get treated to Monse, The 2nd Skin Co., Johanna Ortiz and The Attico styled to fairy princess standards, sporty sky racers and a white and sequined group styling that is top ten fairy busy saving the world uniform material, or maybe even a specialist worthy getup.

This particular look from Ningning is so Techna that it almost feels as if it's mocking Netflix.

And doesn’t this Karina trapped inside the "black mamba" in Alexander McQueen feel like a perfect Dark Bloom moment?

These are only a few examples of interesting and creative designs that are in line with what a live action Winx Club should have given us. There are so many more I could list, even among other TV Shows, like Sex Education and even polemic dark Euphoria, that know how to have fun with style and design without losing the depth of their stories. In the end, it's hard to justify why Fate creators even wanted to make an adaptation that didn't even try to capture the heart of its source material, and all we can do is watch one more "Restyling Fate: The Winx Saga" video on Youtube whilst mildly dreading season 2.

[cayenne-twilight]

Professor Layton Iceberg Explanation

As I said in the tags of the original, the iceberg I made was a meme consisting of both real theories and satire/parodies/fandom memes. If anyone is interested, I can work on an unironic version that only has real theories.

Buckle in because this post is LONG and heavily saturated with lore and information.

Actual theories

Parallel universe 1960s where the world wars didn’t happen. There’s an unused file in Curious Village that shows the year as 1960 and the time machine from UF is set to 1973, ten years into the future. The series canonically takes place in an undefined time period (hence the technological inaccuracies and fantasy elements), but it’s based off the 60s. There’s more evidence but we don’t have time to go over every little thing. I linked my “no wars” theory below but TL;DR the outdated airplanes and underdeveloped medicine in the Layton series imply that the world wars may never have happened. https://cayenne-twilight.tumblr.com/post/632205992162099200/outofcontextdiscord-timegearremix-zonosils-war

The real meaning behind the statue in Future London. In UF, the purpose of the statue is to spark Layton and Luke’s conversation about their friendship. Luke is stressing out about moving overseas and sees himself and the professor in the story behind the statue, but in the bigger picture, Clive must have been the one to commission it. Some theorize that the little boy is Clive and the man is either his father or the professor. One idea I’ve seen is that Clive wishes he could be Luke for real, while another is that he wishes he died ten years ago, and another is that he’s literally terminally ill explaining why he doesn’t care about consequence. Personally, I think “the boy succumbed to his illness” refers to his mental illness seeing as he wanted the professor to save him from his madness as he saved him all those years ago.

True location of Monte D’Or. there are no deserts on the British isles to my knowledge, so it makes the most sense for Monte D’Or to be in Southwest USA where English is the default language, they have a desert, and there exists a city famous for flashy hotels, casinos, and entertainment. What makes it odd is that nobody ever mentions overseas travel, and all the major characters are from England.

Loosha’s origins are not explicitly explained if I remember correctly, but the implication was that her prehistoric (supposedly) species was sealed away along with the garden, allowing them to survive all the way to the time of LS until Loosha was the only one left. The garden provided a good habitat and protection from predators, and it’s logical that they’d slowly die out anyways, but there’s no explanation of any specific factors that led to Loosha being the last.

Beasley is not a bee I wrote a post about this one as well, but TL;DR Beasly lacks several defining bee traits whilst having several human ones. He is not human, yet, by definition, not a bee. It’s possible that he is the result of Dimitri’s testing, but whatever his untold story is, he remains an enigma of nature. https://cayenne-twilight.tumblr.com/post/632381715250282496/theory-beasly-isnt-a-bee

Subject 2’s identity is currently unknown. There is a subject one (parrot) and subject 3 (rabbit) so there has to be a second. For a long time, people suspected Beasly to be him seeing as he’s a bit of an amalgamation and definitely not a regular bee (see above). After the release of LMJ, though, people began to suspect Sherl, the intelligent hound who could speak to certain people but not others. That being said, it’s possible for one to be subject 4. Sherl’s memory of a bright flash matches up with subject 3’s memory of being electrocuted. They never explain why the animals were being experimented on, but it was probably Dimitri making sure the conditions of his machine were safe for humans before reliving the incident from ten years ago.

Lady Violet died from the plague from DB. There’s no evidence for this or anything, it’s just an idea. People say she died from the flu but I don’t remember them saying that in the game, at least the US version. Extending off my “no war” theory: it’s theorized that the Spanish Flu was spread by the travlelling soldiers, so if that’s true, it’s possible for the epidemic to have been averted for some decades. Maybe the Spanish Flu reached England later than in real life. The hole in this is that DB’s plague must’ve been close in time to 1918 while Violet’s death was much later, so it would’ve had to stick around.

Bill Hawks is working with Targent and Arthur Cantabella. There was a force in the shadows buying the time machine technology from Bill. Someone with a ton of money who helped him cover up a freak accident and get away with it completely, a feat that involved shady means like violence by hired thugs. Some theorize that it was Targent, seeking power over time in exchange for a little mafia magic. The Labarynthia project was sponsored by the UK government, so as the PM, Bill must’ve known about it. He probably supported dubiously ethical, high stakes (witch pun) psychological experiments like Cantabella’s and helped him stay in the shadows.

All the NPCs in St. Mystere and Folsense are dead. I make fun of this type of theory later, but they’re admittedly captivating. I’m pretty sure the canon in CV is that the villagers are Bruno and Augustus’s OCs that they made robots of and built a town around, but it’s more interesting to think that the village was there before, and the townspeople died of a plague and were replaced like Lady Violet. In Folsense, there really was a plague and they never explain the NPCs there. They’re either real people who appear way younger than they are due to hallucinations (even the ones who already look old ?), or they don’t exist at all, which is pretty spooky. This part of the story is a gaping plot hole. In a similar vein to CV, the edgy yet plausible theory is that they used to live in Folsense but died of the plague and now live on as hallucinations.

Hershel seeing everything as a puzzle is a coping mechanism for all his trauma. This was a joke but I thought about it for more than five seconds and it makes way too much sense.

Plot holes and unexplained questions that we like to overthink because it’s fun

The downfall of the Azran was vaguely explained in canon by people being so greedy that it lead to the civilization collapsing. It’s not a stretch to imagine that happening, but it would’ve been more interesting with a little more detail.

Layton and Luke are programmed to routinely forget how to walk. I didn’t know whether to list this in the joke section or not, but it’s odd that the characters actively participate in the walking tutorial (as opposed to showing a little memo to the player) as if they didn’t know how to before, especially when they go through this several times a year.

The truth behind Pavel. He’s simply a joke character who teleports, is a polyglot (sort of, at least he wants us to think he is) and is mega confused all the time. He’s a fun character to make crack theories about because of his cryptic nature that even he doesn’t seem to understand.

Miracle Mask deleted scenes. The first trailer for MM featured animations that were not in the final game. One was the Randall falling scene, except in a slightly different style than the one we know. Others were completely foreign, like Layton and Luke pacing across a theatre stage as if Layton’s about to expose someone with a dramatic point. Cut content and “could’ve beens” are always curious to think about.

Evan Barde: secret mastermind. Arianna and Tony’s dad is a mysterious character who died under mysterious circumstances. I think the canon is that his death was a genuine accident, but concept art of him making a creepy evil face suggests that maybe he originally had a larger role in the first drafts of LS than the finished game.

The secret to how Paul and Des pull off their disguises is unclear and will remain unclear. There is no plausible explanation for their shape shifting. Unless Paul is just a little dude wearing a human suit like that one Wizard of Oz species and Des is the best quick-changer ever and hides his naturally feminine legs under his cloak.

Alfendi’s mom. When LBMR came out people scrambled to piece together who Hershel had a kid with, but there’s no way alfendi is his biological son. This happened with Kat as well and her biological parents turned out to be brand new characters, so I’m sure Al will get an adoption backstory if his arc continues, be his parents old major characters or nameless, faceless NPCs.

Granny Riddleton and Stachenscarfen are omnipotent deities. Idk which section this fits best under, but these two characters have some serious power. At first introduction, they’re implied to be robots, but they appear everywhere in later games. They follow the Professor wherever he goes and assist him on his adventures, GR collecting puzzles and housing them by some odd magic, and Stachen teaches you how to walk. They both introduce and supervise the gameplay. By extension, I guess this idea could apply to Albus as well in the prequels. GR and Stachen even had the power to appear in LMJ, something no major character could do. I consider them akin to the velvet room attendants from the Persona games.

Clive’s kill count is a vague subject in the game for the sake of keeping it PG. I don’t know if anyone’s ever mathematically estimated the damage he caused, and I sure don’t want to try, but the game appears to push the idea that he didn’t kill anyone at all, saying they stopped him in the nick of time and things like that, even though we watch him raze the city. If they ever want to bring him back post-time skip, I can see them twisting it so that the mobile fortress cutscene wasn’t a linear sequence of events, but instead a compilation of scenes over the course of hours so that London neighborhoods around him could be evacuated and have it make sense. Knowing Level-5, it’s more likely that they wouldn’t think this deep and do something more lazy, though.

Memes and references

Post-time skip Flora is real references the famous L is real theory from Super Mario 64. Like Luigi in SM64, Flora was also a highly anticipated character who didn’t appear in a new game, in this case LMJ or LMDA. In the end, Luigi did become real in the DS port so hopefully Flora is real will be realized as well.

Hershel can’t read is a veteran fandom meme referring to how in the first few games, especially Curious Village, Layton asks Luke to read every document out loud for him. Perhaps this was an exercise to improve Luke’s reading skills and independent thinking, or perhaps he was just too lazy or preoccupied to do it himself, but this grew into the joke that our genius Professor was actually illiterate this whole time.

Layton’s smash invitation is hidden in PLvsAA. It’s no secret that the fandom would kill a man to get the Professor into the smash brothers franchise. In PLvsAA one of the puzzle artworks features a goat eating a familiar white envelope with a red stamp, sparking the joke that either Layton or Wright got the invitation their respective fans desired, but it got lost along the way.

The science board is the mysteriously vague organization Don Paolo got kicked out of for the crime of being evil. It’s the epitome of liberal arts majors and art school graduates trying to bs their way around not knowing any science and failing miserably. “He was very good at all the sciences, but then the CEO of science told him to stop because he was using the power of science for evil science”. They do this again when “Dr. Stahngun” describes his time machine what with the soolha coils and whatnot.

Hoogland is death cult initiation is a parody of “Mario 64 is Freemason initiation” which is ridiculous, just like the creepy human sacrifice subplot of AL.

You can see the reflection of someone watching you in Aurora’s eye references the famous, creepy Talking Angela theory. In retrospect it would’ve been funnier if I said Angela instead of Aurora.

Every copy of Professor Layton is personalized references the famous “every copy of Super Mario 64 is personalized”

Clive’s fat ass in HD is a meme that originated from the announcement of UFHD, saying that half of the excited fans wanted to cry again while the other half were simply attracted to Clive. If we want to enter real bottom-section-of-the-iceberg-chart territory then let’s say Clive’s character has some sort of psychological siren properties that draw people to him like a magnet and/or Harry Styles.

Things I pulled out of my ass for shits and giggles

Infinite hint coin hack: I’m sure a tech savvy cheater could hack the game for infinite hint coins, but there’s no easy or interesting way. I don’t know why someone would do that though, considering a lot of the hints suck and there are puzzle guides on the internet.

Cringy, unused Randall villain monologue. This joke is derived from the actual scrapped MM content as well as deleted content being a popular element of iceberg charts, but it’s sadly not real. Would’ve been hilarious, though.

Last Specter Puzzle 031: Light Height tracks and records children’s intelligence level. It doesn’t, but it’s always fun to make fun of arguably THE most ridiculously difficult puzzle in the franchise. (Seriously, do they expect 7+ year olds to know trigonometry???)

Hershel struggles with tea addiction. Hershel from the games drinks tea in moderation, but the manga begs to differ. He has a tea set in the Laytonmobile, and an attempt at teatime while driving causes him to crash.

Folsense is a metaphor for Alzheimer’s. This is inspired by those edgy kids’ show theories where everyone’s in hell or something, but nobody has ever said this.

London Life is reality and the plot of the games is all in Luke’s head. That’s one way to fill every plot hole. How funny would it be if Luke made up crazy characters and stories based off his fellow townspeople Sharkboy and Lavagirl style. “This dude who lives in a castle and asks people to give him all their money for nothing in return is a vampire from 50 years ago involved in a tragic love story”.

Secret ending encoded into Tago’s Head Gymnastics. It’d be crazy if there was, and Dimitri would hound Tago for the secret to time travel. If you didn’t know, the Layton games started as an adaption of Akira Tago’s puzzle series, except they decided to add a story to make it more interesting and marketable.

Daily puzzles datamine your DS. I’m bad with technology but is it even possible to datamine a DS??? Idk, but I think my DS lite from 2008 is safe.

[actias-android]

So, okay, I don't usually like the gender to nonhumanity comparison but let's go with it for a second.

I have always felt...something. I've settled, eventually, as an ace, queer trans man with some additional nonbinary-ness. The road I took to get here was not short or simple, nor is it over, either; as long as I'm alive I could change and settle on another label, or even a whole different identity if that suits me better.

I know I have not really been entirely cis- or heterosexual, but what I have been has changed over the course of my life. I've been female and bisexual, but a tomboy; I've been female and not feminine but definitely a lesbian; I've been genderfluid, and attracted to only women; I've been nonbinary but statically so, and attracted to other nonbinary people; I've been a trans man and back to bisexual or pansexual again as far as attraction, though really mostly asexual insofar as sex being important to me or not.

I bring this up because it's become very common, especially in otherkin circles, to justify being otherkin as something like gender and orientation: it happens to you once and you have a One True You somewhere in there for your entire life, and the only direction you can go is towards this Real You. Anything else is a mistake.

This is nothing I've ever experienced with my own identity, which has wandered around in circles and occasionally gone sideways a bit, in any sense. Cool if that describes someone else out there, but it would be the height of ridiculousness to say that I wasn't really a lesbian when I identified as female and was solely attracted to females. Of course I was, because that's the term for someone like that, and that's the label I was proud to carry for that time. The person I was then with the understanding and feelings that I had then was a lesbian. That I later changed doesn't negate what was.

My understanding of myself is still evolving and will be until I stop breathing. So then, if being really, truly, for-real nonhuman is exactly like orientation and gender...well, then, that would mean that, at least for me, it would also evolve over time, and that each new step doesn't mean the ones that came before were somehow false, mistaken, or inauthentic. (What a horrible, high-stress thought...I couldn't deal with that.)

The other point is that my understanding of myself is, partly, not at all innate. I was not born with concepts or words for anything I've experienced. I didn't even realize that having attraction for more than one gender was anything unusual for my entire life up through college, and discovering the word 'bisexual' was a trip. I had never heard of trans people until later in college. I literally couldn't have identified myself as bisexual, trans, or even queer because those were not concepts I had. Being these things with these labels, as they're defined by others, is something that came to me through culture and society, and I decided eventually that they suit me as an expression.

This doesn't make my feelings more or less real. It's a lens through which I can process them. I could have had the same feelings, been the same person, and said, "I don't like these words. I think this isn't quite right." And really, even as I use them now, the nuance is close enough for rock and roll, but not entirely, 100% identical, but it's enough to be understood by others so it works.

Here's the part where I finally get around to what this has to do with otherkin. I don't see why any other aspect of identity has to be held to such a ridiculously high standard. Otherkinity itself is a community label, just like any other. If anything, it's most like gold-star gay (which is pretty outdated as a concept); you have to have always been this one thing and any deviation from the standard is grounds for losing your label.

I could, tomorrow, suddenly feel a very different way about my gender. Happened before, could happen again! I was still a trans man when I was one. Tomorrow I could wake up and not be fae anymore. I was still fae when I was fae. I wasn't mistaken, unless I choose to interpret it that way, but that's a choice I'm making. I've chosen to look at the evolution of my identity and give my past self the grace and understanding that I was not wrong when I decided who I was in the moment, and that life is defined by changes, and to give my future self the peace of mind and space to adjust course without fear of abandoning my own history.

I can't even imagine doing anything else, especially as so much of identity is informed by the culture around you. The discourse in the otherkin community regarding choice and its role in identity never seems to give the first thought to the fact that interpretation and labels are something external. Nobody is inherently otherkin, because otherkin is just a series of sounds; people may inherently feel that they're something other than human, but exactly what that is and what that means to them is a result of choosing to interact with others and accepting or rejecting various labels and defining concepts.

For my part, I can't breathe under the label of otherkin. I tried, but in the end, it was stifling, and had much more interest in telling me what I was not, by the standards of a bunch of people I've never met and don't think I would like much if I did. I'm happier being a faery without anyone else's rules telling me how I'm supposed to believe about past lives (all physically human as far as I know), or nonhuman memories (none whatsoever, thanks for asking), or whether or not I can choose to be this (I don't think I did, but I could un-choose it if I really wished to, and that's actually innate to my being fae).

And really, of course a faery is going to be happier without someone else's rules. If anything, deciding to not be otherkin is the more faery thing to do here.

Anyway this has been another vague, rambling post about why I don't like the label or the discourse and think they're both kind of full of shit, and also why I don't like the gender comparison that much. Gender is experienced just a little, if not a lot, differently by every person in the world, and for plenty of us, it's very malleable over time and probably better viewed as an ongoing process. Using it as a point of reference for something that's purportedly immutable by the most common definition is pretty damn silly in my opinion.

[glowyjellyfish]

Gather round, children, for the legend of Grimwood Abbey

(that’s the tiny pre-MCC I mentioned the other day. I only came up with this concept, oh, over a year ago. Dropped it to play a nice easy modern Megahood. I don’t have much wherewithal.)

...so I have spent two days on the weekend so far just working on getting my CC sorted out so I can consider starting this. Yesterday the big issues were a. realizing it was super inefficient to delete stuff in-game one by one even though it’s nice to be able to see it, and becoming paralyzed with indecision about whether to take the time to hunt down unidentified files by hand, or continue spending time deleting dozens and dozens of recoiled by hand… eventually I did a little of both, but boy I gotta use some kind of tooltip renamed now huh… b. I am not good at Delphy’s Download Organizer. I don’t understand it. Why is there no “how to use” documentation. So then I set it to scan for orphans or duplicates, stare hopelessly at the results unable to figure out what is the best course of action, and then quietly quit it to yet again… move files around manually. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to use it to shove several file types into correct folders, but my real issue would be so easily solved if there was a thoroughly explained duplicate scanner that I was able to trust. Ugh, I probably should have started by moving all the files to one big folder and sorting them from there but WHATEVER.

Because, you see, like many simmers, I have been collecting my cc since roughly 2004. I legit cannot remember if I have lost the whole thing and had to start over, but this collection can certainly be traced back to my first laptop that could run the Sims 2. For the longest time, I merely collected a big pile of everything shiny and cool that caught my eye, resulting in a big mixed-up mess combining modern and medieval fantasy and sci-fi and random fandoms and steampunk and everything I ever enjoyed. That… was not sustainable. I tried keeping individual folders within Downloads for specific genres, with the idea that I could swap them in and out for different hoods. Alas, that was too time-consuming for my taste, and I ended up with the same basic downloads folder but very lightly sort of organized but not really.

Sometime within the last ten years, I started trying to cultivate different downloads folders of broad genre categories, all neatly saved on a big flash drive. That’s all well and good, but copying and backing up that shit took away precious hours I could be using to play. Not only that, but it was very rough trying to separate my downloads folder properly—some stuff worked well for multiple genres! So I ended up making copies of the whole downloads folder to build these alternates, which I could then whittle down to only the stuff I actually wanted in there. This medieval alternate downloads folder therefore also contained the folder I’d labeled Medieval CC in my last attempt at organizing, and just to be sure I copied everything over and back repeatedly. And you know how it goes—every time I got excited about the idea of an MCC, I had to go out and download anything new or shiny. And oh yeah, had to stock up on defaults because now I could be using a solely medieval downloads folder! And this new CC would get plonked right into the DL folder, nary a care for organization because I needed to play before I lost interest!

So I had at least two, possibly three copies of all the same content in a collection of medieval CC that’s been building for, let’s call it 15 years more or less. I can’t trust the download organizer—like sir are you showing me all of them? do I throw all these out or leave one behind?—and doing it by hand is extremely tedious, carefully removing all txt and preview files to improve my load time. And actually playing a year-old story concept is delayed yet again.

I’ve got a Megahood set up that I can start converting to medieval whenever I get my act together, and I still that that sounds like fun but also waaaay too big a project for me (latest issue: wait if the capulets and montagues are traditionally alike in dignity is it wrong to make the Capps gentry and the montys merchants? But if I make them both gentry it’ll be an entire damn subhood of nothing but gentry!). I also have the same old MCC hood I started building a year ago, restarting after years of having the concept ready (this one is Algary and it is the one i was building a castle for; it has a few interesting rolled families to start with such as the gentry family having no sim older than teen and me choosing to set that up as the direct heir and some cousins, and a peasant family that involved two elderly ladies who were in love and joined households after their obligatory husbands died, pooling resources to care for their families, but one of them was gonna feel obliged to head off to the church and repent while the other cared for the kids and became a midwife). And then there’s the new guy, Grimwood Abbey, whose concept is only a year old but I sure hope I can follow through on it because it is quite small. Even then I can’t decide yet whether to start with one household (everybody living together for protection!), two households (the church vs the knights), or several households (each knight beginning in their own household with their squire). The latter would make it easier for each knight to earn their own money and compete to purchase gentry approval from the church… but idk.

Anyway. After all that I am really hoping I am about ready to actually play a bit. Even just making some sims and buildings. Today I need to progress further in weeding out CC, try to find a way I can do that more efficiently, maybe find some nice standardized set of makeup and default eyes and skin to use rather than the haphazard collections I barely touch (I prefer to lean toward maxis match over Shiny Realistic skins where everyone has auto makeup, but I’m sure there is something nice out there that suits my needs), and I unfortunately saw some nice medieval clothes I don’t have while downloading a whole fresh set of Sun&Moon Star Factory stuffs (which, I had multiple copies of! Didn’t know what was updated and what was outdated or what! So I threw out everything I had and re-downloaded the entire collection, which may have been a bit drastic but it definitely worked. Also, why is there no complete user guide for this. A “how to get started” or something. Whatever.), so I also gotta download that. Then maybe I can make a test sim to make sure defaults and stuff work okay, and then maybe download some medieval lots to speed up the building process? And then I can play one of my various hood concepts finally actually? Maybe?

TLDR: I am getting frustrated because I have so many downloads, many of them duplicates within folder within the main folder, that it’s taking me all weekend just to straighten them out (and even then I might not be able to finish, despite it being a 3 day weekend where I live). I swear, it would be faster just to throw it all away and start over, except I can’t do that because I am clearly a CC hoarder and I might need a piece of CC that can no longer be downloaded.

...thus goes the preliminary legend of Grimwood Abbey and the horror story of Getting It Set Up. Someday, someday...

[purplesurveys]

1147

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? Hmm, I can’t remember ever doing that.

Why did you ignore the last person you ignored? My new manager, Kata, messaged me a bunch of links to EXO’s videos to get me into them – I looooove that she’s friendly and we vibe super well so I have a feeling will be close soon enough, but I’m still a bit shy so I ignored her for a bit while I was thinking of a reply haha. I’ve since gotten back to her, though.

What's your favorite pizza place? Yellow Cab’s pizzas have never failed me. Mama Lou’s is good too, but they don’t deliver to my area so I haven’t had their pizzas and any of their food in over a year now.

What was the last stupid thing someone talked you into believing? That we can stay friends. I believed it for a while and it was so mentally and emotionally deteriorating for me, so I did the right thing and let go instead.

What's at the top of your to do list in life? Save. I’m superrrrr frugal with my money and hate spoiling myself. I’d rather enjoy everything in the future once I feel like it’s right to settle down.

What's a song that would describe your life at the moment? What Type of X by Jessi. Maybe not my life, but the song certainly matches my mood these days.

Do you ever scream at inanimate objects? Occasionally, if they’re not working or if I accidentally hurt myself with them.

What was the last thing that you shared? I just had lunch delivered to Angela’s place as a surprise, if that counts. I got her chicken wings and these chocolate chip cookies she’s always wanted to try. It feels really nice surprising people with gifts; I might start making it a habit :) I have to credit my director Bea for it - she’s been having food delivered to mine and Kata’s places recently and I just want to pay it forward.

What smell/s can you absolutely not stand? Fruits. We constantly have a stock of oranges because my parents and sister like having them after dinner, and the smell is nauseating. Spoiled food is also high up on my list, and the general smell in Manila is also very foul. Go to other places in the Philippines if you’ll ever visit!!!

Do you ever eat leftover pizza cold? Yessssssssssssssss. Idk why but I find it really good? like even if I eat it straight out of the fridge.

Where are you the most ticklish? The sides of my stomach and around my neck.

Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? Someone absolutely important to me, yes.

When you're wanting a midnight snack, what do you normally get? I usually don’t really like the snacks we have in our pantry so unless I already had food delivered earlier in the evening I just let the hunger fade because I don’t like having food delivered that late anyway.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Buster from Toy Story. Or Maximus from Tangled but in dog form, because I don’t know how to care for a horse.

What color best represents you? Something peaceful like off-white, or a pastel shade.

Do you like marshmallows? I hate them.

What is your favorite flavor of candy cane? I also don’t like candy canes, or candy in general. Too sweet and I can always feel how unhealthy they are whenever I have to have them.

Do you have any shoeboxes full of old photos/letters/other memorable stuff? My mom has several plastic bags filled with photographs over the last few decades. As for me, I don’t own any memory boxes; but recently, I’ve been sticking up notes from my friends and co-workers up on my corkboard.

Are you in any way double jointed? Nope.

Have you ever considered a career in music/acting? Never. I never liked singing in public and I’ve never considered acting.

When was the last time you felt seriously embarrassed? A few days ago when I accidentally turned my camera on during a work Zoom meeting while I looked completely unpresentable. Luckily I knew I clicked the button and immediately un-clicked it, but my video still showed up for like 0.001 seconds lol.

Have you ever liked a song, looked up the lyrics to it, then hated it? I don’t think I’ve gone so far as to hate it. I have felt slightly disturbed upon hearing the lyrics of some songs I’ve taken a liking to though; and Cherry Wine by Hozier certainly ticks off this box.

Which is worse for you: being hot, or being cold? Hot, which is why living where I do doesn’t work with me well for the most part.

What would be the icing on the cake for you this Christmas? Get nicer gifts for my loved ones. I was able to get everyone presents last Christmas, but given that I had just received my first-ever salary then, I wasn’t able to go all out as much as I would’ve liked. I’d love to spoil my loved ones even more for next Christmas.

If you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it? Probably, as long as I was guaranteed to live comfortably. I’d love to see how else technology can continue to improve.

Have you made someone happy today? I hope so, when I got Angela food earlier.

Do you generally watch a lot of television? I do watch my favorite shows a lot, but not on television. Most of my content I already consume online.

If your bedroom walls could talk, what would they most likely say? They’d probably go over all the shit I had to go through and the ensuing breakdowns they’ve had to watch from me over the years.

What's your favorite Christmas song? It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas, because it makes me feel festive.

Did you ever really believe in Santa Claus? Only for a brief moment when I was introduced to the concept, but kid-me never bought it because he never showed up.

Do you like the band Relient K? I’ve heard of the band name but I’m largely unfamiliar with them.

Have you ever seen a movie that was better than the book it was based on? Maybe, but for the most part I usually find the books to be better.

Do you like quesadillas? Yes, omg and with jalapeños and cheese *chef’s kiss*

Did you like the show Invader Zim? Nope.

Do you think tomorrow will be a good day? I feel like I’ll be sullen because it will be Sunday again, but I still plan on making the most out of it.

Do you ever talk to yourself? A lot.

Whose butt did you last slap? Idk, probably my ex.

Do you think that chivalry is dead? I don’t think so, but I also think it’s a bit outdated.

What's the greatest/most influential song you've ever heard? That’s a lot of pressure on a song... as much as I don’t really like The Beatles, I’d say Hey Jude has been pretty influential.

What's the weirdest thing you've seen in a grocery store? Not sure. If I had thought something I’ve seen was the weirdest thing ever, I would’ve taken a photo.

What is true love to you? Sacrifices.

Do you like chocolate milk? YES, lactose intolerance be damned.

Have you ever bought yourself a present on Christmas? Not yet. I hope to be able to this year!

Have you ever been on a mechanical bull? Nope, but I’d definitely get on one if I find one here.

Do you prefer to pull off band-aids slowly or quickly? Slowly. Actually, I prefer running water over it until it just slides off.

Have you made a mistake in the past week? I am constantly making tiny mistakes at work.

What was the last weird thing you said to someone? Idk, I feel like all the conversations I’ve had recently didn’t involve any inside jokes or general weirdness.

Have you ever met any bands/band members before? I got to work with one - Redd is the drummer for a local band but he’s since resigned to work with another company.

Have you ever sat on a copy machine and made copies of your butt? No. I’ve never even used a copy machine.

Are you a camera whore? Not at all, I hate posing for the camera.

Have you ever purposely dropped someone's toothbrush in a toilet? Never even considered it.

What kind of mood are you in right now? A little sad because it’s the weekend and I can’t even do my weekend coffee shop trips anymore because Covid cases are experiencing another surge (9000 cases a day!!!), protocols are everywhere again, and my parents already told me I can’t go out...those moments were my rare time alone where I can take walks and reflect and whatnot (and not to mention experieince air conditioning for a few hours), so it sucks to have to be stuck at home again. There’s not much to do at home to begin with, so now I’m just stuck in a cycle of taking surveys and finding videos to watch on YouTube.

What was the last thing someone told you that had you at a loss for words? I was ranting to Andi about how I started despising Diane from BoJack Horseman the moment she flipped out over Mr. Peanutbutter gifting her an entire library. I get where she’s coming from, of course, “understand people’s love language” and all that; but I felt like the very hostile reaction was super uncalled for and it reminded me a lot of my relationship with Gabie – I liked giving and giving, but it was either 1) never enough or 2) apparently the wrong way to show her love, and I was always the one punished for it in the end. I told Andi that because of my experience with her, I don’t even feel like giving a library (metaphorically speaking) to any future significant others anymore because of how hard I had it with her. 

Anyway, they gave me some advice about it and in the end they told me, “One day, someone will tell you, “Thank you for your library.’” It was very beautifully put and I struggled to find the words to reply.

What's something that always makes you smile, regardless of what’s going on? I’m not sure there is such a no-fail thing.

What was that last thing that you bought online? Food for Angela.

Do you enjoy riding around town looking at Christmas lights? Yeah, but the general mood for last year obviously wasn’t super festive and there weren’t as much lights, so it’s been a while since I’ve seen my village all decked out.

Is there someone that you're mean to for no good reason? No, that’s terrible.

What was the last thing you got out of the freezer? The coffee ice cream that I bought from Leigh yesterday! It’s crazy fucking good and I already feel a repeat order coming through.

Are you currently reading anything? No.

What's a good book you'd recommend? I don’t read anymore. I know child/teen-me would be very disappointed.

[endlessdoom]

The Plutonia Experiment

32 maps megawad.

By the brothers Casali.

1996.

https://doomwiki.org/wiki/The_Plutonia_Experiment

Level 1: Congo

Iconic beginning that presents us one of the most popular tricks of Plutonia: Chaingunners, Archies and a lot of pain. Pretty hot start that delivers quite greatly.

Level 2: Well of Souls

An elevator styled entrance that delivers quite the punchy level with some awesome ‘‘congo’‘ vibes more than the actual congo level.

Level 3: Aztec

Iconic beginning that presents us one of the most popular tricks of Plutonia ''invisible bridges'' I'm not a fan of them but I can see the charm in this first level.

Level 4: Caged

Surrounded on all sides and ready to die The first level of Plutonia that presents the classic style of difficulty but keeps a nice balance between exploration and combat.

Level 5: Ghost Town

We are moving to a tighter and more traditional format but one that remains constant though somewhat simpler.

Level 6: Baron's Lair

One of my favorites. A medium size level but with a more interesting layout that reveals different areas of combat and a dynamic and entertaining progression.

Level 7: Caughtyard

Another of my favorites and one of the icons of the set. This is a simple square map sand style but with a pretty hot gameplay that will take blind-players by surprise. It still has a good quality of play and is fun to play with at all times.

Level 8: Realm

A bit punishing at times but with a fluid design.

Level 9: Abattoire

Quite open and with a more bloody combat. This is one of the first big maps and takes us through a somewhat different but acceptable adventure.

Level 10: Onslaught

With a design that makes more use of exteriors, this level combines a beautiful design with an attractive and challenging gameplay.

Level 11: Hunted

Oh boy. This is probably one of the most iconic maps in history. A great labyrinth where the only enemies are nothing more and nothing less than Archviles. What does of this one a quite destructive and frustrating adventure for moments, but the simple originality of the concept does of this one a fascinating map.

Level 12: Speed

Moving is the key, although not as fast as the map indicates. A high design and a few surprises make this a nice and drastic adventure.

Level 13: The Crypt

Towards the depths of a tolerable map.

Level 14: Genesis

Smaller than normal but with a closed circuit design that allows constant movement and gameplay that flows like the wind.

Level 15: The Twilight

(Exit to secret level)

Things get hot. We need good moves and a bit of strategy to advance a more tactical map and with a less merciful gameplay but always maintaining a solid quality.

Level 16: The Omen

A small level with a lot of intensity. Developed in a simple system of capture of keys which are at first sight and without major problem. The combat, however, is developed as a system of constant surprises in which the player will be ambushed at every given opportunity, creating an intense level that despite having a duration of about 6 minutes manages to deliberate an entertaining gameplay with a design that, even if it is simplistic, does the job in a good way. Some areas can be a bit annoying (deliberately) and makes it a bit difficult to get around, but Plutonia has far harsher maps and this one feels more like an intermission that lets us rest a bit.

Level 17: Compound

Another short level that follows the same visual theme of this chapter. What we have here now is a more intricate design with an entertaining layout that combines a bit of traditional style with certain abstract structures. With a more fluid but equally hot combat, this is a fast level that enjoys a good flow.

Level 18: Neurosphere

Interestingly fluid, dynamic and quite intense without necessarily being destructive. This is a level that has a very entertaining flow that allows to appreciate the combat of a more dynamic way at the same time that it stays stable and balanced before the player, taking into account the difficulty of the most famous maps of this game. I could say that this map feels more like a MAP01, or at least it could have been very successful as the first map.

Level 19: NME

Hot and short in size, but well packaged. That sounds weird. This is a pretty intense map that sees us in a tight fight and requires a little more anticipation to survive, as well as a few surprises that can take us by surprise. With a nice design but a bit stressful combat, it is a solid map. All the maps have been pretty solid, actually.

Level 20: The Death Domain

Something a little more traditional but welcome, with a good collection of Chaingunners and a circular but constant layout.

Level 21: Slayer

A circular map with an intricate design that takes us through an intense but entertaining combat.

Level 22: Impossible Mission

Square and designed based on rooms with different boxes. It follows a somewhat sporadic flow and can be slightly lost but maintains a solid visual warmth to compensate. Combat stays normally-balanced up until the end. But overall, fun enough.

Level 23: Tombstone

Long and with a complex design. A little bit of unnecesary backtracking at times but it makes up for it with an intense and fun gameplay.

Level 24: The Final Frontier

Fantastic small enigmatic map with an abstract design that will make us go through a little trial and error until we find the victory. Playing this map with the MIDI pack is orgasmic.

Level 25: The Temple of Darkness

Long and with multiple monster closets as well as tight and tactical combat. A nice, intense and full of adrenaline map.

Level 26: Bunker

Simple style and even has some touches of Heretic but with good combat although a bit of a puzzle/lost layout.

Level 27: Anti-Christ

Great, fun and hot. With a dynamic combat and varied heights, which gives good depth to the fight and makes us go through a well-balanced and entertaining challenge.

Level 28: The Sewers

Enigmatic. It leaves somewhat disturbing airs which gives it a good presentation. With a somewhat lost but well structured layout manages to create a slightly longer adventure with good action.

Level 29: Odyssey of Noises

Iconic for different reasons and controversial for others. This is an attractive map with an urban style like Sandy, combining abstract buildings with a little more attractive architecture. With an expansive and big layout, the map is quite long and a bit lost, but it compensates with a good gameplay and open combat.

Level 30: The Gateway of Hell

The end of Plutonia. A decent IoS fight with a bit of foreshadowing and good build up to the final battle, which has a few tricks up its sleeve. Overall, decent, but definitely one of the best IoS of the IWADs, if not the best.

Level 31: Cyberden

(Exit to super secret level)

Interesting gimmick map with a few Cyberdemons to keep us company.

Level 32: Go 2 It

The iconic Go 2 It. It doesn't need many words other than to say that it is a pioneer of a particular style and features a gameplay and layout as violent as it is fantastic, though unfair and cruel at times.

End.

» Overall:

The Plutonia Experiment (1996)

By Dario and Milo Casali

In 1996, history was made. Final Doom, the last expansion of the classic Doom, is finally released and with it brings to our eyes two of the most iconic megawads in history. The Plutonia Experiment is one of those holy or not so holy grails that we adore to this day. Considered by many as an irreplicable milestone in the history of Doom and by others as an outdated and particularly cruelly designed work. Whatever the opinion, we can all easily accept that Plutonia came to stay sedimented among the most influential megawads in history.

Made by the brothers Casali in an almost speedmapping way, almost indeed, the Plutonia Experiment, or simply Plutonia, is one of a kind, specially during the 90s when the world of WADs was still in a very primitive, almost baby-like state. Of course, things would change quite quickly but not until Final Doom hit the shelves, and oh boy did it also hit the Doom community. Of course, it is such an iconic work that it is practically as famous as the original Doom 2 or Ultimate Doom itself, bringing with its different mechanics and creative tricks that would later be replicated several times in other distinctive and fantastic ways, creating a cycle of improvements and approaches to new ideas. Plutonia is nothing new, not at all, but it's something I've barely gotten to discover properly. While I played it a long, long time ago, I could barely remember the first five levels, much less the last few. I wanted to give it one more spin, one where I could fully appreciate the creation of this magnificent specimen. I did it and now I can see with a different eye the reason for the appreciation of this megawad. The cult of the Plutonia lies deep and with a very good reason.

Visually speaking, Plutonia is twice better looking than Doom 2, and quite frankly, TNT: Evilution, and that’s something I think we can all agree upon (well, pretty much anything looks better than Doom 2 now a days.) with no major problem. Interestingly, the levels were created by only two people, which gives a certain sense of respect for the creative capacity and practical ability of the Casali brothers. Dario did a total of 14 levels while his brother Milo did a total of 18, giving their respective authors a fairly respectable number. Which level was made by whom? That we will probably never know, although speculation may tell us certain things and analysis of map techniques others, at least we can all agree that the two authors show a well-defined quality in terms of their overall quality. Almost all Plutonia maps are attractive to look at, fun to admire and have generally understandable layouts with no major visual or progressive detractors. From the first iconic level to the last IoS, each map has a distinctive shape that gives it a certain renown, with, obviously, some maps standing out more than others, such as Congo for its respective high level of difficulty for a first level, or Hunted, for its unique way of screwing up our day with a few thousand Arch-Viles (is actually just a few dozen, but let’s drop some salt in it).

Each 10 maps are divided into chapters with a specific visual theme. The first 10 are Earth Levels, with the next 10 being Hell Levels and the last 10 being Devil Hive levels, a unique mix of particularly atrocious levels with disturbing visuals. Of course, the all-mighty secret levels also have a distinctive look, but they are not particular adherent to any other chapter. The first 11 levels manage to create that earthy feel quite well by offering brown textures that seem to recreate fortresses or human settlements, as well as clearly palpable architecture and realistic definitions without needing to be hyper-realistic. They just look good for what they need to work for. From map 12 to 20 we have the infernal levels that try to recreate what seems to be hell cities, or places with red tints. In one way or another, they manage to evoke dark sensations and also offer iconic battles in rivers of blood and red skies. From level 21 to 30 we finally have the center of all corruption. The Devil Hive levels are maps that recreate inner sectors of hell, such as capitals or demonic cities. Most of them usually look good and offer long combat spaces, although some maps can be a little longer than necessary, each of them satisfies.

And when we talk about satisfaction, we, of course, have to talk about gameplay. This is probably the most brilliant point of Plutonia, and one that many would consider essential in the history of Doom WAD development. Plutonia introduced, without a doubt, the most difficult original levels of all classic Doom, making use of a totally cruel creative and planning freedom that is designed to envelop the player in levels of absolute carnage and unnecessary insanity. This resulted in a plethora of iconic levels that stand out for their absurd early difficulty, as I said earlier, Congo is probably the ideal map to represent what Plutonia is all about. I don't have to say anything else; this has already been said to death: Revenants, Chaingunners, Arch-Viles, Barons, Mancubus. Be prepared to see them in whole hordes. However, what do I think of this? Well, at first, I must admit I was a bit skeptical about my initial reaction, since I'm usually more of a fan of casual WADs that show some mercy to the players, on the other hand, I also appreciate a good shot of adrenaline to get the glands moving. Plutonia is definitely going for the latter. What we have here is the introduction of what I, and many, consider the proto-slaughtermap. Before Hell Revealed, Plutonia already had the first slaughter-style maps, such as the immortal Got 2 It. These are brutal maps, even for modern years. Sure, many other WADs have managed to surpass Plutonia's overall difficulty, including its famed unofficial sequel, but Plutonia is the starting point where it all began and from there were born distinctive WAD making moves that would later be sedimented as part of the iconic variety of this beautiful community. I can't hate that, it's simply impossible since it's a factor that, despite being so divergent, brought about a change that would end up favoring the freedom of design and the brutality of the unforgivable gameplay.

I enjoyed every second of it, from start to finish without encountering any major difficulties and that's pretty incredible, considering that all other IWADs have at least one major negative quality that tends to affect my enjoyment. Plutonia, on the other hand, didn't present me with any truly annoying factors. Even its brutal difficulty was extremely enjoyable and I'm sure it has managed to survive modern times precisely because of that.

Sure, it's a bit old, and some maps tend to be a bit more boring to look at than others, but it's a journey through time that launches us into the golden grail that everyone wanted to reach during the 90s. A time when everyone was waiting for the ''Next Plutonia''. The Casali brothers created a movement that would forever remain on the plaques of Doom history, and for that and much more, I think we should all be thankful that what we have here is, without a doubt, the best IWAD ever. Plutonia is an experience and one that everyone, without fail, should try sometime in their life. It may kick your ass, but a kick never felt so good.

[stephadoodles]

DOAFP Episode 1x03 Review - “Disaster Relief”

I had more to say about this episode than I realized! A lot of great metaphors and another themed episode, although this one only focused on two of the three story lines in regards to the theme.

Sasha sets up the main idea of the episode by talking about her raison d'être, mispronouncing it as raisin. In short, her reason for being. This starts Elena off on thinking about what her raisin is (and I’m going to feel silly typing that every time). They show the school announcements and how awkward the principal is at giving them, easily foreshadowing what Elena’s going to end up doing by the end of the episode. However, she decides that being the Hurricane Watch person is her calling instead.

Throughout the episode, Elena works on her speech for the competition, and seeks advice from a variety of people. When we do get to finally see her speech, she throws a little bit from everyone in, with an anecdote like her mother suggested, a splash of humor with a pun from Sam, and some hurricane-related facts, which she had been researching early on. It’s a nice reflection of how she took advice from everyone and mixes it up to make it uniquely hers.

And man, if the whole competition isn’t a giant metaphor for the state of politics (and really society in general). The girl puts together a smart, funny, and engaging presentation. She’s shown working on it for days and puts a lot of effort into it. Meanwhile, the guy gets up there, makes a few dumb comments that he clearly didn’t put any real work or effort into, and wins easily. It’s likely something that adult!Elena will have to deal with in the future, but it’s symbolized in a middle school situation as well.

Ultimately, Elena figures out that since she’s so comfortable with public speaking, and that it’s something she enjoys doing, she should take over the announcements. She excels at it, and it’s another little hint at her future.

Meanwhile, Gabi has a nice date with Sam planned, now that their relationship is out in the open. She’s shown clearly worrying about her kids and not being sure if she’s ready to leave them alone while going out on dates. It made me wonder if she never really went out before, even with friends, because her kids are definitely old enough to be on their own for an evening. I was babysitting other people’s kids by the time I was Elena’s age.

Gabi’s focus on her kids gets in the way of her dates, messing up both of them with the first being cancelled, and the second being crashed by the kids (and Monyca). While Sam seems understanding at first, and he definitely rolls with it when everyone shows up at the restaurant, he’s clearly out of his depth with the realization of how having kids impacts your life. He and Gabi have a conversation at the end of the episode where he admits that he didn’t realize how having kids would change and impact their relationship, and he’s honest about the fact that he’s not sure how he feels about that.

It’s a surprisingly honest conversation, and the fact that they’re putting that much focus on it surprised me. It’s a very adult topic to deal with, in the sense that younger kids – who are the target audience for this show – might not be as interested in it. But when it comes to adults, having kids is a huge decision and if both people in the relationship don’t agree on it, the relationship ultimately won’t work. Gabi states as much and points out that her kids are her reason for being, and that they come before anything else in her life. Sam is then faced with the choice of whether he wants to still be a part of her life, since it would greatly involve the kids. It’s left on a cliffhanger that isn’t resolved until the next episode.

And then there’s Bobby’s story line, which is the one that doesn’t connect to the reason for being theme. His is essentially focused on his burgeoning relationship with Monyca, and that apparently means getting to second base right away. This was definitely the most eye-rolling aspect of the episode for me, but teen boys are teen boys, I guess.

Considering the fact that it does look like they’re going in the direction of Bobby being gay, it’s interesting to watch his relationship with Monyca develop. There’s little build up to their actual relationship, and it’s hard to tell if they’ve even really interacted before this. At times, Bobby seems uncomfortable, and doesn’t seem super enthusiastic about it.

Bobby hears through his friends that she wants to meet up with him in a spot that is apparently a popular hook-up spot for students, and it means that she wants to go to second base with him. Clearly, none of these boys have any idea what they’re talking about, and I doubt any of them have been in a relationship or even kissed anyone before, but they’re talking a big game because they’re dumb teen boys. This leads to a sequence where they sit around in Bobby’s bedroom and try to figure out what exactly this second base is supposed to be, which leads to them practicing on one of Gabi’s bras. When Gabi catches them, this leads to her giving Bobby part four of eight of the sex talk (which she has binders for).

This whole story line, if for no other reason, is a great example of how the show is able to talk about much more mature topics. No show on modern Disney Channel would be able to get away with this. Between this and the casual swearing, it’s clear that the Disney+ platform is allowing for a lot more freedom. But it’s all still appropriate for middle-school aged kids who have likely (hopefully) had some kind of sex talk at this point and can handle some low-key swearing.

It’s all wrapped up when Bobby goes to meet her, and Monyca simply tells him that she likes him. She also points out that the whole concept of “bases” is outdated and patriarchal, which is the only valid response to that whole story line.

The main theme of the episode is finding your reason for being. It’s normal for kids to start thinking about that around middle school, and schools are definitely starting to approach the idea of “figure out what you want to do in life” a lot earlier now. The conversation that Elena and Gabi have about how you don’t have to figure it out when you’re young, and how it may take a long time for you to find your reason is a really important one. With the pressure to pick a future and figure out what you want to do with your life happening younger and younger, it’s important to have the message that it’s okay if you don’t know yet, or that it might change as you go through life. There’s no age where you just have everything magically figured out.  

A few notes:

Usually Disney shows don’t reference anything political, but the science class is clearly having a discussion about climate change, and there’s a poster on the wall referencing it. This is shown again in later episodes as well with the evolution lesson

Camila makes another reference to not having a good relationship with her parents, and I can’t help but wonder if we’ll get more of her back story and focus on her in the future

Elena had to correct another teacher on the pronunciation of her name

Similar to how Iris in Andi Mack was named after a goddess of rainbows, I’ve noticed that Monyca tends to wear a lot of clothing/accessories with rainbows on them (Coincidence? I think not).

[booyouimcrazy]

Siblings

Over the last decade or so,

I have tried immensely hard, in my opinion at least,

To try and treat my brothers like my siblings - but if they prefer our cousins more than they do me, then it's hard to bridge that gap.

Literally, last December I suffered the worst realisation of how accepting they were of the rest of our cousins, and how much they weren't of me. If anything feels as bad as that, let me know.

In all honesty though, I may be the most arrogant dickwad but that's increasingly hard for me to accept if this same arrogance has arisen from the stem of our genes and the necessity for one of us to always prove they are better than the rest.

If that necessity didn't exist then maybe we would be more accepting of each other, and treat each other like we were family instead of holding all our throats ready at a guillotine ready with an ax in our dominant hands.

One of the arguments I had with one of them was literally about me telling him a bird I KNOW was an owl, because I saw it in brighter light, WAS AN OWL.

Which he just straight-up refused to accept, because "that's not how owls sound"?????

But "I've seen the damn thing!"

no, chance, not moving. unmoving disbelief.

Then I was screamed at by another one of them for going for an after-party with my cousin's friends from Australia, while the cousins decided they didn't indeed want to party with the friends from Australia, but only with the family.

Something that was really not conveyed to me, while I stayed and made friends with Australians? Why would I not?

I like most nationalities that are not Indian, I'm a weird kind of racist.

Over the last few months of having to stay at home and do things for family, I have also had a shout-out with the third brother and we argued about "whose more valuable" to the family. Considering we are all broke and jobless at the moment.

Since then though, after about a few days of silence, we have definitely been nicer to each other than the other two.

The other two refuse to believe that I could possibly be right about something, or have any sort of life experience that could stand in lieu of the exact same life experience they have had.

Yet, I'm the arrogant one.

Today's argument arose because one of them decided to say, "don't add additional profiles to the Netflix account, because we might get suspended because of it"!!!!

To which, I sent him a screenshot of a response on Google saying you're allowed to create Netflix profiles, which he picked out "was a response from 2013" hence OUTDATED. Mind you, this is the one that claims he is the king of a things tech, like heaven forbid I eventually end up knowing more than him in the field.

Since he decided to hold that above my head, I went and found an actual NETFLIX HELP PAGE that said the exact same thing, but was called bull-headed and arrogant for it.

This, because, in the past, let me quote this off the text he sent me,

"Regardless of what you're reading, if you think I'm incorrect then setup a netflix account create multiple profiles, get users to use those different profiles

on different devices and then let me know how it pans out. This is a very simple concept I run with even for work.

So That's my side! Now if you can read this and not retort well then we've both learnt something here today.

Any other reason it'll just become a lame discussion (i'm not joking irritating the crap out of **** and **** as well)."

Does that first paragraph not sound suspicious to you too? Like, it sounded suspicious to me, why would I make an account create profiles and get "users to use those profiles"?

I have indeed done this in the past, but I have used the same account sign in and created a different profile - Netflix LITERALLY created the profile bit of their UI/UX because they knew this was going to happen anyway.

I'm sure of it, but I'll go find a reason to believe why, because apparently I'm arrogant to believe I could be right here.

He also chose to call a straight-out ARGUMENT a discussion, and sent me this long-ass text telling me how I was wrong, then proceeded to tell me, "it isn't about wrong or right". hmmmmm.

Then both our triggers full throttled and turned me into a raging monster.

I said something devastating to him that one time we had the argument about the "owl" and that was, "you're going to have such a tough time raising kids, because you refuse to ever listen" and it OBVIOUSLY hit him below the belt, it was MEANT to.

Surprise, surprise.

If you manage to read this, and feel I should check-in on my arrogance, let me know.

If you have reading material to better my understanding of psych, let me know.

If you have dealt with sibling age gaps better than this, let me know.

If you in any way, have lived a life even remotely similar to this, let me know.

I'd love to know you're reading this.

I'd love some love.

[go-events]

GO Rom Com Spotlight: @heavens-bookshop

The enchanting @heavens-bookshop has claimed How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days to adapt for Good Omens in the Good Omens Rom Com Event.

For reference, here’s a little background about the source material!

About How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: An advice columnist, Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson), tries pushing the boundaries of what she can write about in her new piece about how to get a man to leave you in 10 days. Her editor, Lana (Bebe Neuwirth), loves it, and Andie goes off to find a man she can use for the experiment. Enter executive Ben Berry (Matthew McConaughey), who is so confident in his romantic prowess that he thinks he can make any woman fall in love with him in 10 days. When Andie and Ben meet, their plans backfire.

We spent some time chatting about how the adaptation is coming so far, as well as future plans for it! Now, get to know @heavens-bookshop a little better!

* * *

goromcom: You know how if you open a Tumblr chat with someone you haven't chatted to before, Tumblr tells you two things they post about? I wanted to tell you that yours reports that you post "about #yes and #oh my god." I think those are actually lovely tags, and they show that you are frequently quite excited and supportive of the things you reblog and post! :)

heavens-bookshop: Hah, that's hilarious! I suppose that's understandable seeing as this is a blog I made just for Good Omens stuff! Anything I post or reblog here is content that I utterly enjoyed engaging with and want others in the fandom to see.

goromcom: That’s really great; I love the positivity.

You chose to adapt How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days as your rom com. Has this movie been a favorite of yours, or is there some other reason you chose it?

heavens-bookshop: It's not really a favourite, although I do have some fun memories attached to it, I guess! I went to see it at the cinema when it was released, I was in high school and I went with a few of my friends. The film was okay, but I had much more fun afterwards just hanging out with everyone! I picked it out from the list because I felt like the main concept was one that lent itself pretty nicely to a Good Omens AU, where your two main characters have opposing goals (but develop feelings for each other along the way...)

goromcom: Definitely can see the parallel there, and also, I think the movies we see with friends in high school stick with us in a way movies you see later on just never will.

What's your favorite moment of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and are you looking forward to presenting it in your adaptation? Any loose plans for that scene that you can share?

heavens-bookshop: Well, there's a scene towards the end when the two main characters are heading out to a fancy event, and Ben arrives at Andie's place to escort her to it. When she walks out of her building, she's in a really beautiful outfit and it takes Ben's breath away. I am really hoping to have a similar moment in my story, with Aziraphale playing Andie's part, and Crowley playing Ben's part. I've worked it over a few times in my head, but we'll see what happens when I get down to writing it!

goromcom: Sounds quite exciting!

Other than recreating that moment,  do you plan to stick very closely to the story beats of the original movie, or make bigger changes?

heavens-bookshop: I plan on making a lot of changes. The overall premise is a fun place to start from, but when I re-watched the movie a few weeks ago, I got some pretty severe whiplash from how badly it's aged (I think this is something to be said for a lot of media in the genre). Much of the story revolves around the whole "Men vs Women" thing, and involves some awful misogynistic and homophobic tropes that I am very much throwing in the bin. So we're ditching the "haha aren't women clingy" narrative in favour of playing up Aziraphale being the standoffish fussy bastard we all know and love.

goromcom: It’s definitely been a recurring theme among the participants that their source material really hasn’t aged well! It’s a testament to the GO fandom, I think, and the lovely people taking part in goromcom, that everyone is seeking to smooth out the rough edges of the source material.

What's an interesting decision you've made in your planning so far--a notable casting decision, a changing of venue, or some other plan you have to paint Good Omens all over your rom com?

heavens-bookshop: Well, for starters, I updated some of the concepts - instead of working for a magazine, Aziraphale works at a Buzzfeed-esque website called Paradise where he writes an advice column. Crowley still works for an ad agency, but instead of trying to win a deal with a diamond company (which was very tied to a lot of outdated views on the roles of men and women in relationships), it's a dating app. I've also changed the location to London, mostly because I'm way more familiar with it as a place. I also wanted to include a few more of the women in Good Omens, so Aziraphale's two work BFFs are Anathema (who writes horoscopes) and Madame Tracy (who writes for the spirituality section).

goromcom: Okay, be right back while I go write in for advice from Aziraphale.

But after that, our last question, one I am blatantly stealing from The Good Place: The Podcast. Tell me something "good". It can be something big or small. It can be a charity you think is doing good work, or you can talk about how great your pet is.

heavens-bookshop: I would like to mention two UK-based charities that have had a special place in my heart for many years - Macmillan Cancer Support and Marie Curie. When I was a teen, my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we pretty much provided all her end-of-life care at home. Macmillan and Marie Curie gave us a lot of the resources we needed to do that. Macmillan was a wonderful support system for my mum, and not only looked after her medical needs but also sent someone she could talk to about the emotional ordeal of facing a terminal illness. Marie Curie sent a registered nurse to stay with my mum through the night in her final weeks so that we could try to get some sleep while secure in the knowledge that she was being looked after and had someone by her side. They both provided us with some peace of mind during an incredibly rough time, and I will be forever grateful for all the work they do in supporting the families of people with terminal illness. If you're in the UK, I'd really recommend donating to either of these charities if you ever have the chance.

And so that I'm not just ending on a sad note, I will also tell you about my wonderful cat, Luna. I adopted her shortly after I moved to Texas in 2016 - I had moved all the way from the UK, on my own, and Luna kept me company on those days when I felt alone and completely out of my depth. She's followed me everywhere I've been since, even coming with me when I moved to Canada a couple of years ago (yes I moved a Texan cat to Canada in the middle of February). She is weird, very loud and talkative, has an ongoing vendetta against my running shoes, and I love her to bits.

goromcom: I had a hospice support team for my father’s end of life process, and I will love all of those people until the day I die. I am so glad your family had that sort of support as well. I’m so sorry about your mum.

It’s so wonderful of you to come back around, too, and mention how uplifting having your pet has been for you. I am so happy you have Luna by your side. I also have a talkative cat (with a space-themed name, as well, Nova) and so many days that would be bad are better with a little furry friend with you.

Keep watching for @heavens-bookshop‘s thoughtful GO retelling of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Coming soon!

[kinkymagnus]

thoughts on alec? since this is mainly a magnus blog i guess i'm curious.

kfjlkfgjd thanks for resending sorry tumblr’s a bitch ily

eh i feel like generally i talk mostly about magnus bc Every Other Blog (not literally obviously but like, in general) talks about Only Alec just like…..24/7

so while i like him fine, he’s like, mostly Magnus’s Love Interest on my blog lghjflgkhjfgh but honestly just generally while i do like him i honestly don’t find him that….interesting, individually, i guess? i mean he’s not quite boring, but he’s not a character i really relate to

so the reason i don’t really write alec-centric stuff is like. 1. i just don’t find him as interesting (although i’ve had a few ideas, they’ll likely never be published thanks to…) 2. Spite

aka the alec stans suck. the Alec Stans™ to be clear, the ones who suck, not everyone who likes alec. but like, yeah

anyway let’s not just talk salt and me being petty, despite alec being not my fave i can afford to answer one (1) ask without my entire blog crumbling down and revealing i’ve been an alec stan this whole time without me even knowing it

ok so alec headcanons i guess

1. alec was a chatty kid. not what you’d think, right? but then like, he was taking care of izzy, bc she’s his baby sister and Protective, and jace wasn’t really the type to listen to him. like, ever. alec would suddenly realize jace hadn’t been listening the whole time pretty much every time he tried to have a conversation with him or talk about things he was interested in, even when he listened when jace talked about his latest crush or whatever he was interested in. alec started abruptly going quiet before his sentence was finished, and jace didn’t seem to notice or was just like oh good you’re finally done talking, here’s what i was gonna say. eventually alec gives up. he still talks to izzy but she’s so little it’s a lot slower paced and he usually pays more attention to her than what he wants to say bc Baby Sister. by the time izzy’s old enough to like, properly, hold a conversation (she is also pretty chatty) alec’s already gone a lot quieter. by the time we see him, he basically doesn’t initiate conversation on things he’s interested in that aren’t work-related. he does still sometimes talk to izzy, but it’s hard to get the words out and get everything sounding right, so he gets annoyed with himself. it doesn’t come as easy anymore.

and not to show my magnus stan roots but magnus is kind of similar, albeit way less clear cut, he tends to ramble and talk a lot about his special interests only to shut himself up when he realizes he’s definitely boring whoever he’s talking to (he isn’t, necessarily, but after enough times being told to shut up when you get excited you believe everyone wants you to shut up.) and then he was trying to keep up the whole classy unaffected stylish “def not an adorkable disaster bi nerd, i am dangerous deadly unaffected lothario man who has never even heard of star trek or whatever” facade, and rambling about whatever interested him didn’t really fit that. so he retreated more into himself, too. he did have his friends to talk to, but catarina is so busy and he doesn’t want to bother her and raphael doesn’t want to hear his foolish old dad ramble on, does he, and ragnor–he’d always put up with magnus’s babble, and listened, but magnus felt like he was boring him and then ragnor was–well.

anyway so to united these, then, they met each other. and it takes a while, but they get comfortable with each other. magnus goes on a long ramble about a potion he’s been trying to get just right and then cuts himself off, embarrassed, and apologizes for probably boring alec, and alec’s like what? no, that was really interesting, i was listening, can you explain the thing with the mandrake root? and magnus is like…oh.. (also side note: magnus is incredibly cute when rambling about things he’s interested in, he waves his hands a lot and his eyes are all excited and warm and he’s so lively, and clearly passionate, that it’s engaging and pulls you in. like a really good professor. and sometimes he starts talking about something way above most people’s heads without realizing how Smart he is, but if you ask him to clarify he’s like, totally non-condescending and explains it in creative and understandable way????? sorry im in love with adhd magnus thanks to someone anyway)

and then vice versa, alec slowly feels more comfortable talking about things that interest him, like a book he’s been reading and how it’s so fucking stupid the heroine went for the “blonde bad boy” when he’s such a dick to her, or whatever, like it starts as an angry rant about something but before he can cut himself off he realizes magnus is listening. like, actually listening. and like, if it’s appropriate, magnus will ask questions, engage in what alec’s talking about, and alec finds himself getting better at putting to words what he means and magnus is never mean about it, always patient and understanding

2. as a kid alec read romance novels. cheesy shitty fun romance novels. especially the ones that are like, written by women (or better, queer people, but that’s later) and aren’t weird? you know what i mean? and he loved them. romance was something young alec dreamed of a lot, even if he tried to ignore how he preferred tall, dark, and handsome to the main character, or the kind man the heroine fell in love with to the heroine herself. he hid trashy romance novels like most teen boys his age (including jace) hid porn magazines or whatever. he eventually maybe found some queer lit, but he didn’t dare to bring those back to the institute, instead choosing to go to the library the few times he had free time to sneak out (aka when he wasn’t working, sleeping, training, or watching izzy and jaces’ backs when they snuck out to clubs and shit.

also: 3. also i stand by the fact that alec wasn’t in denial about being gay. he wasn’t repressed, he knew exactly what he wanted and who he was, he just didn’t think it was possible for him to be with a man and be happy. 

4. alec isn’t a sweet innocent baby boy!!!! he’s seen porn, he knows how sex works, he’s masturbated, and honestly i know the show said otherwise but i find it hard to believe he never once fooled around even a little bit. just a little bit. no actual dating? not hard to believe at all. even being a “virgin” despite how outdated and terrible the concept is, not unbelievable. plenty of “normal” people reach college-age without ever having had sex, let alone shadowhunters raised to be demon-fighting soldiers. but like. look. he has the Energy. alec….Alec Fucks. also just something about the whole like, his siblings are always sneaking off to clubs and he follows them to watch their backs (is this canon or just common fanon? i honestly don’t remember) just screams to me hey, he may or may not have made out with an adventurous seelie or a mundane with eyes. or maybe a blowjob or a handjob, who knows. i’m JUST SAYING. i know this isn’t canon but i don’t care. alec lightwood has seen a dick

5. alec is ridiculously protective of people he loves. especially family (both in the sense of literal family like izzy, and family in the sense of “making your own family” like magnus) like he’d kill for them, he’d die for them, he’d live forever for them,

6. alec can and will become immortal for magnus. and not just literally only for magnus, for himself as well–like he doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life being a tool for the clave, he can work for better relations between downworlders and shadowhunters, and like accords that aren’t shitty, and he can be more than just another soldier or even head of the institute, he can be more and have time to actually spend time on himself, like it doesn’t have to be training-work-protect his siblings-sleep-training, and then one day he gets married and has kids and dies. he can actually experience the world, do things he enjoys, spend time with his husband, and most of all, he can spend the rest of his life with magnus bane, the love of his life, his husband, someone he loves so much. he can make sure magnus’s heart doesn’t get broken again by falling in love only to lose him. they get their happy ending, you know???? we stan

7. alec would be a great dad i dont know what to tell you he just would be 

8. one of the first kinks alec realized he really had like. with magnus. was office sex. yes im a slut what about it

this is bc he was minding his own business, doing paperwork at his desk, and magnus maybe sent a flirty text and alec was like mm i want to fuck him right now. and then he was staring at his desk thinking mm i want to bend him over this desk, sweep all this paper off the desk and rip off his clothes, take off his panties last and then lick his pussy until he’s begging for me to fuck him then press his chest down against the desk and fuck him until he screams. maybe i could tie his wrists behind his back with a tie. like i’m his boss? oh my god magnus in a secretary outfit. shit. he gets no work done that day. it’s just a rabbit hole of one thought to another until he’s like. sitting there hard and unable to focus on his work bc the mental image of magnus bent over in a skirt over his desk keeps playing his mind and he doesn’t want to do this paperwork he’d much rather be doing his husband.

9. alec loves making out with magnus on the couch like they’re just chilling and watching a movie and cuddling and alec loves to pull magnus into his arms and just make out. like literally not even “this ends in sex and gets hot and heavy” literally just magnus in his arms. and they kiss a lot. it’s soft and warm and relaxing tbh

10. magnus!!! and alec!!! cuddling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they both love it!!!!!! they’re both lowkey touch-starved!!!!!!

11. alec’s a dom top and that’s that my dudes

[rotationalsymmetry]

Me: *searches for “us presidential election*

my search engine: yes I have lots of NEWS about the election.

Me: understandable mistake, but actually I was looking for confirmation that this thing works the way I think it does.

There’s some misinformation going around. So, let me talk a bit about how the US presidential elections work.

There’s this thing called the Electoral College. Each state gets a number of delegates equal exactly to the number of senators plus the number of representatives in the House of Representatives that each state has. Each state gets two senators, and the number of congressional representatives is proportional to their population, except that each state has at least one even if they would otherwise have too low a population for one representative.

(In theory delegates *might* not vote for who they’re supposed to vote for, but in practice they almost always do, and it’s really a vote for the candidate that goes through this outdated rigamarole that doesn’t really make sense any more. I don’t even mean not just doing a popular vote, I mean having actual people as delegates. Most people have no idea who their actual delegates are and don’t care.)

Voting via this electoral college thing rather than having a direct popular election for president, has always meant that states with smaller populations have more weight, proportionally, than states with larger populations. Always from the very beginning. (Because of having one delegate per senator.) This got more extreme when the number of people per congressional representative got adjusted, leading there to be both a discrepancy due to the two “senator” delegates plus the “representative” delegates sometimes representing fewer people in lower population states. Basically, states with large urban centers are underrepresented, and states like Wyoming that don’t have large urban centers are proportionally overrepresented.

But also, “swing states” (states that might go either way) get the vast majority of campaign attention. So, really a small number of states that have relatively even numbers of Democratic and Republican voters get the most attention and catering to, and states that are definitely going to go one way or the other get less. And, within those swing states, cities get more attention than rural areas, because it’s easy to reach a lot of voters by having a rally or town hall meeting or w/e in a city, and hard to reach a lot of voters in more rural areas.*

This is not even getting into the influence of money on presidential election campaigns, which is huge. I’m not trying to ignore it, I’m just not sure what to say about it.

Within each state, it used to be that the delegates were chosen by the state legislatures (it was assumed your average joe citizen would be more informed about local politicians than national ones; clearly that assumption did not stand the test of time.) But now all states use the popular vote to determine electors. (All stated but Maine and Nebraska have all their delegates vote for one candidate based on the winner of the popular vote; Maine and Nebraska do things a little differently and can split their delegates’ votes. From here on out I’m going to be talking about the other 48 states.)

There’s no “some counties get more weight than others”; within each state every vote is the same. The discrepancies happen at the state level: some states get more delegates relative to their population than others. And that’s why it’s possible for a candidate to win the popular vote and lose the election. But within a state, how voting districts are divided up is completely irrelevant for the presidential election.

Gerrymandering applies to other elections. Not the presidential election.

I suppose it might be hard to let that concept sink in if you’re working on the assumption that the presidential election is the only one that really matters. Sigh.

So if you see a state where 51% of the votes went for Trump or whatever, that literally means 51% of the people who were eligible to vote and actually voted, voted for Trump. No weird shenanigans. Just a statewide popular vote.

The shenanigans come in with voter suppression. Purging voter roles under the guise of catching voter fraud. Voter ID laws. Hours long lines due to insufficient polling places. Not letting people convicted of felonies vote. Insufficient accessability for disabled people. Devastating communities to the extent that people are in survival mode and drop voting because they’ve got more urgent issues to deal with. At least formerly (?), (rigged) literacy tests and poll taxes (with grandfather clauses.) (The key word if this doesn’t sound familiar and you want to look into this further is “Jim Crow laws” or just “Jim Crow.”)

And: excessive barriers to legal immigration and gaining citizenship, especially when those barriers are higher for people coming from certain countries, of certain races, etc than others. And disabled people and generally people expected to not earn as much and/or need more government assistance.

And, voter intimidation: threats of violence, maybe more subtle stuff idk.

There’s also things that might not be voter suppression in the sense of being done deliberately, but which make it harder for people to vote whether done deliberately or not. For instance, needing a residential address to vote can make it challenging for homeless people to vote, whether anyone’s actively trying to keep homeless people as a category from voting or not. (Although. I mean. There’s no reason that couldn’t be on purpose? Eh.) Difficulty accessing childcare. (I guess the point is, sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s intentional voter suppression and what’s just not making the effort to include everyone.)

*basically, if the electoral college is meant to correct for urban/rural power imbalances, it maybe doesn’t do that great a job of it. Plus, the Constitution doesn’t protect any other minority or vulnerable group in that way. This might have made a little bit of sense back in the day when people (/white male property owners, ie the people who could actually vote) identified more as a Virginian or a New Yorker than as an American. “State” is another word for “country” after all, and the role of state governments vs federal government and which people identify most with have shifted dramatically over time. But I don’t think that’s been the case for a long time now, and realistically any given person in New York City probably has more in common with someone in San Francisco than either person does with someone in upstate New York or California’s Central Valley, and vice versa. Even without getting into other ways people might affiliate, like race and gender and disability and class and occupation and immigrant status and religion.)

An argument against the popular vote that I’ve heard is that if the election was extremely close, doing a recount for the entire US would be an absolute nightmare. I’m not sure that’s a hard and fast reason to not switch to a popular vote, but it’s something to consider.

Realistically in practice, mostly whether people are for or against abolishing the electoral college has more to do with whether you want Democrats or Republicans to win, since a popular vote would be better for Democrats, and not about which is theoretically better.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date. 

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass. 

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series. 

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters: 

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters: 

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard” moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet. 

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers. 

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers. 

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character: 

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more. 

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop 

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve. 

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring. 

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters: 

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.”  He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters: 

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out. 

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending. 

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic. 

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters: 

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father. 

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse. 

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase. 

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character: 

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame. 

Best Character: 

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

[germanenthusiast]

How I am learning German / Wie ich Deutsch lerne

What do I use to learn German? A lot of different things actually. I took German  language classes in college for 2 years and then studied abroad in Germany for a year taking more language classes. Once I came back to the US, I took classes in German, but they were focused on German film, history, and politics.

During my college classes in the US we used the Kontakte and Stationen books. In Germany, the texts for my classes were written, developed, and compiled by my instructors.  

Since starting to learn German I have developed a collection of German language learning books, some found in thrift stores, other gifted to me, or occasionally purchased new.  You can see them all below.  Most of these books were woefully neglected during my college years, with the exception of the Practice Makes Perfect series of workbooks which I rather liked.  

This shelf is for all of my language learning books, so you can see some for my other languages, Norwegian, Latin, and French.  There is also a German-Dutch dictionary for when I want to be able to read Dutch.  I also have more books which aren’t even pictured on this shelf. Books such as my two american college textbooks, 3 or 4 German college packets, and a few more mass media language learning books. I’ll be collecting them from storage in California next week, so I will take an updated picture then.  

What am I doing with these books now? Some of them I will work though extensively, mostly the newer ones and definitely the workbooks.  Other are more to look through occasionally, or peruse for interesting tidbits. Books such as this one, originally published in 1957 fall into the latter category.  While the vocabulary in older books is sometimes outdated, they occasionally explain grammatical concepts in different ways, which might help me to better understand that concept.   

Now that I have a bit more time in my schedule, I’m hoping to work though these books and be able to review them on how useful, interesting, or just plain fun I found them to be.  I like taking all of my notes by hand, especially when studying languages, so I’ve included a picture of my newest German notebook above.  

[kingofthewilderwest]

Can you describe Cressida Cowell's writing style? (And try to convince me to start reading httyd books while you're at it)

Oh my goodness, I am *SO* excited to talk about Cowell’s writing style!

I realized my FAQ page was outdated with a broken link (whoops!), so I’ve fixed that! If you haven’t check that page out or my up-to-date #faq tag, I’ve written many responses on why I recommend the HTTYD books. Obviously those posts aren’t focused on Cowell’s writing style, as you’re curious about. Nevertheless, since you’re interested in recommendations and perspectives regarding those books, these prior responses could be worth checking out, and I’ll happily boop you a link to some of those! [1] [2] [3]

Cressida Cowell’s writing style, to me, is a fascinating combination of simple and eloquent. This goes for how she forms sentences, constructs plot, uses tropes, and more. She takes seemingly common elements that most of us wouldn’t consider “special” - and utilizes them to powerful effect.

Her narration style is charming. In the How to Train Your Dragon books, she uses two similar but distinct writing styles. The prologues and epilogues are given a finesse different than the material in the main chapters.

The majority of her text is written in an almost whimsical, childish way - especially at the start of the series. Sentences are simple; descriptions are amusing; humor is prevalent; and her presentation is straightforward. Unashamed use of italics, capslock, font changes, and font size changes - plus childish scribbles for illustration - contribute to the youthfulness of her narration.

How to Train Your Dragon Ch. 1: First Catch Your Dragon:

“ANYBODY would be better than Hiccup,” sneered Snotface Snotlout. “Even Fishlegs would be better than Hiccup.”

Fishlegs had a squint that made him blind as a jellyfish, and an allergy to reptiles.

“SILENCE!” roared Gobber the Belch. “The next boy to speak has limpets for lunch for the next THREE WEEKS!”

There was absolute silence immediately. Limpets are a bit like worms and a bit like snot and a lot less tasty than either.

As the series develops, the main prose develops slightly, too. Fans often discuss how Cowell’s illustrations markedly grow in complexity from start to end, even as they retain their childish personality. Cowell herself has confirmed that these artistic changes are representative of Hiccup aging. The writing doesn’t change as notably, but it’s arguably there. So, this benign, whimsical narration takes on intentional effect: she’s writing a story about a child with prose that matches the character’s age. It helps us readers enter the mind of a child as we go through Hiccup’s younger years. It’s not to say that it means we can’t think through complex topics in this framework, because we do address deep topics in the breadth of the narration... but the childish writing style provides a personality and character and framing device for how we readers “feel” the story.

The prologues and epilogues are different. In first instead of third person, they’re written as the reflections of old man Hiccup in his eighties. The writing style here maintains simple characteristics in, for instance, word choice... but it’s mature in tone and topic. These passages are often my favorites, as they delve into interesting moral reflections tied to the adventures young!Hiccup is having in the main story. This is where Cowell shines the most in her combination of simple and eloquent. There’s beauty in what she writes in the prologues and epilogues. Reading them aloud, words flow marvelously (that opening passage in the first book... mmm yum), and you can hear the reflection of the man behind them. It’s where you’ll get quotes like:

How to Ride a Dragon’s Storm: Epilogue

Maybe all Kings should bear the Slavemark, to remind them that they should be slaves to their people, rather than the other way around. And to help them never to forget what it feels like to be a child... to be small and weak and helpless.

How to Betray a Dragon’s Hero: Prologue

Great things are only made out of love and out of pain. 

A great sword must be made out of the very best steel. But what truly makes the sword great is what happens to the sword after it is made. 

We call this the “testing” of the sword. 

The sword is bashed and hammered and hollered into shape by the bright hammer. It is thrust into the fierce heat of the fire, where it softens, and then it is quickly quenched in water, where it hardens again. The higher the temperature, the fiercer the fire, the tougher and greater the sword eventually becomes. 

The whole testing process can make a sword, or break it.

The same could be said for the making of a Hero.

Cowell’s still not using complicated vocabulary. Occasionally she’ll insert something like “indelible” into the text, but generally, it’s (superficially) simple language. However. It’s also thoughtful, eloquent, and markedly more mature than something you’ll get in Chapter 3 of the first book. “Great things are only made out of love and out of pain” is something I could embroider and hang on my wall - it’s that sort of a reflective quote. 

The contrast of the two styles - the more childish and the more eloquent-mature - help us understand Hiccup’s life from two perspectives: the viewpoint of a kid experiencing dangers around him idealistically hoping to change the world, and the viewpoint of an adult reflecting back with complex moral understandings. And as Hiccup’s adventures become increasingly darker and he grows in age, the main prose will match the mood.

The writing style works. She doesn’t need a large vocabulary or complex sentential forms to sound thoughtful and imbue great adventures or thematic points. Cowell knows how to impart heart-felt concepts and great reflections for readers of any age, child to adult... and have us impacted by them.

Cressida Cowell’s use of tropes is similarly deceiving. The best writing, I believe, combines refreshingly new material with storytelling elements we’re familiar with - our tropes. I believe Cowell strikes the balance marvelously. 

She brings in wildly creative new concepts - like a quirky world where dragon species are everything down to big-mouthed bee catchers or insect-sized nanodragons. Characters are equally as ridiculous and special; I’d be hard-pressed to find a personality similar to Camicazi anywhere in literature or media.

Cowell also knows how to use tropes. We so often see the feckless, unwanted, socially outcast wimpy protagonist turn into a Hero. We’ve seen a character with a special sword and a noteworthy family history. We’ve seen a character called by fate and prophecy to revolutionize the land before apocalypse. But that doesn’t make Hiccup a generic character handled blandly. Cowell balances fate with agency and with the challenges of reality. Hiccup has to make choices to save what he loves. And Hiccup is limited in what he can do. After all, “History is a set of repeating circles, like the tide. The wind does blow through the ruins of tomorrow. But it is more a question of two steps forward, one step back.” What we get is a Hero’s journey, but one where our Hero is truly spectacular, diligent, unyielding, pushed to the brink, and endlessly inspirational.

I think the thing that impresses me the most in how Cowell handles tropes is the “it can’t get any worse and then it does” concept. We’ve seen it before. Stories make protagonists go through a dark low. And when the character doesn’t think situations can worsen, they do. What makes the HTTYD series so spectacular and unique in how it’s handled... is the sheer repeated beating Cowell does. It’s overwhelming. She keeps going, and going, and going, and going, and doesn’t stop. Other authors would have stopped five bad events ago! It’s to the point that, in book ten, after so many bad things repeatedly occurred, I cried when Hiccup reached one small positive in his efforts. The author isn’t afraid to put our protagonist through the ringer, thereby making every bad experience, and good experience, impacting, memorable, and sometimes shocking to us as readers.

Cowell definitely uses plot devices we’ve seen before. But she weaves them together impactingly, making an emotional ride through high highs and low lows. We’re left with an inspirational takeaway and a Hero’s development we won’t forget.

Cowell’s long-term plot structure is brilliant, too. She divides the series into three equal parts, more or less. The first part is the “isolated” series of whimsical, innocent, childish adventures. The second part makes you squint suspiciously, realizing you’re getting into more complex and dangerous incidences than you expected. The third part is what I lovingly call “the Ragnarok of pain and despair.”

The starting books, deceivingly, seem like isolated, simple adventures. Cowell’s actually setting ALL the stages for the series’ later turmoil. She’s inserting characters, items, prophecies, themes, conflicts, and plot points that will become extraordinarily impacting as the series continues. But readers don’t notice Cowell’s clever, thorough foundation. They just see cutesie, simple, isolated incidences first read through. 

The middling section is where Cowell starts to utilize what she set up. She begins implementing chaos and intertwining strings, pulling Hiccup’s life from random childhood incidences with Alvin and dragons... into something centrally important. She brings together the history of the Barbaric Archipelago with the current events Hiccup’s experiencing around him. All Hiccup’s starting point experiences from the first books become formulative to the choices he has to make now. And all the while, there’s the stewing build-up of a central conflict... which explodes at the end of the second part.

The third part is all-out war. All-out drama. All-out danger. All-out stakes. We see how everything Cowell wrote is interconnected, from the start of the series to whatever conclusion Hiccup’s journey will bring. Moral themes and questions are central; characters are pushed into growth; what we thought was some random thing at the start turns out to be a cleverly-inserted Chekhov’s gun. It’s the payoff to all the set-up and build-up... brilliantly, effectively executed.

Obviously I can’t give examples to you. That would be spoilers. XD To people who’ve read the series, I’ll just say, for one example: all the King’s Things. That’s one example of Cowell’s build-up. But the build-up is everything from moral themes, to character dynamics, to foreshadowed historical revelations. It’s well-paced, well-thought through, well-executed.

The How to Train Your Dragon books are thus both simple and eloquent. And that which is simple isn’t “watered down” - it’s “simple” with purpose, “simple” with complexity, “simple” with personality, “simple” with power.

This is why I always encourage people to keep reading after the first few books. Some people find the starting adventures adorable, loving the charm and humor. I adore that all myself! They’re legitimately treasurable books in and of their own. Other readers aren’t as interested in the cutesie stuff, approaching the first HTTYD books with skepticism; they don’t think that these benign stories are “their thing.” However, every time I’ve encouraged skeptics to read after the first few books, they get sucked in, and find themselves screaming and crying and laughing and celebrating with Hiccup’s dynamic adventures. It’s all because Cowell’s simplicity is deceptive: there’s so much more going on, and there’s always more going on the deeper in you look.