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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 6 months

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By: Ben Appel

Published: Dec 26, 2023

In 2021, Harvard evolutionary biologist Carole Hooven stated on a television news program that there are “two sexes” and that “those sexes are designated by the kinds of gametes we produce.” She added that “understanding facts about biology doesn’t prevent us from treating people with respect” when it comes to “their gender identities and use [of] their preferred pronouns.” Afterward, a Harvard graduate student, in her official capacity as director of the Human Evolutionary Biology Department’s Diversity, Inclusion, and Belonging Task Force, tweeted that Hooven’s “dangerous” and “transphobic” remarks made the department unsafe for transgender people. The Graduate Student Union took out a petition against Hooven, and, since no one would agree to serve as her teaching assistant, she had to discontinue her popular lecture course. This past January, under duress, Hooven retired from her position at Harvard.

More recently, I heard Hooven speak at a conference in Denver. She talked about academic freedom and her dedication to creating a just society. She said something I believe: that the truth is the way toward true social justice, and that the truth is what ultimately alleviates human suffering. After Hooven left the stage, I tweeted my thoughts about what she said, concluding, “Yep, I’ll die on that hill.” A Twitter user, in a now-deleted series of replies, responded, “Wish you would then. And quickly.” Later, this person elaborated, “Cis white conservative gays can all d*e. Please do, no one likes you.”

This might be the first time I’ve been called “conservative” for voicing my support of the truth and social justice. Right-wing homophobia is nothing new, though the enmity for “cis white gays” like me from the other side of the aisle has sadly also become widespread online. Here’s a very small sampling:

“[C]is white gay men are the weakest links and idc who knows it.” — @ann_forcino.

“ur rave wasn't ‘100% queer joy’ it was a warehouse party full of white cis gay men who want to dance and fuck each other lmfao [...] “that's not queer joy, that's f^g joy.” — @Maxies_back

“Chelsea and Hells Kitchen, more so than other neighborhoods in New York, produce nothing better than prissy, entitled cis White Power pretentious gay men, who don't respect diversity, or the rule of law.” — “LGBT for Change”

“Maybe they were right all along and white cis gays really do go to hell.” — Jerry Falwell @obssdwmlp

“Behind every bad man there is an even worse cis gay white man.” — @ANIMETWTDNI

“We need to realize that gay cis white men are still cis white men.” — @pettypiedpipertake

“Maybe homophobia against cis white gay men is valid.” — @heartIwin

“Noah Schnapp is also evidence that gays will truly go to h£ll. especially a cis white upper class gay like i genuinely, genuinely mean that and i’m sorry if that comes off as problematic.” [Schnapp is a 19-year-old Jewish gay actor who has spoken out in support of Israel in the wake of the October 7 2023 terrorist attacks.] — @brat6z

“I love it when white gays erase the trans and black side of this flag [...] You faggots deserve to get hatecrimed to death.” — @daredevilshill_

Writing for The Nation in 1994, the gay playwright Tony Kushner argued that homosexuality and socialism are intrinsically linked. Homosexuals, he wrote, “like most everyone else, are and will continue to be oppressed by the depredations of capital until some better way of living together can be arrived at.” Kushner lamented the growing number of gay activists, like Andrew Sullivan and Bruce Bawer, who advocated a more pragmatic approach to equal rights. The radical contingent of the LGBT community has long pejoratively described these types of gay and bi people — those who prioritize marriage equality, the right to serve openly in the military, and peaceful inclusion in Western society — as “assimilationist.” Real gay liberation, the radicals argue, will result from razing Western civilization and its capitalist, cisheteropatriarchal system and rebuilding it in their utopian vision. Like the gay journalist Donna Minkowitz once said to Charlie Rose, “We don’t want a place at the table — we want to turn the table over.”

The thing is, the pragmatic approach won. Today, gay, lesbian, and bi people get married, serve proudly, have jobs, own homes, and raise families. Like black civil rights leaders who preached nonviolent protest and a politics of respectability, discerning LGBT activists took the long view. We don’t want to exist on the margins of society, they insisted, we want to participate in it. LGBT people, just like black Americans, are a vital part of the fabric of this nation.

But the radicals haven’t taken this defeat lying down. After the 2015 Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, which made marriage equality the law of the land, the radicals pounced. “You got what you want,” they seemed to say. “Now it’s our turn.” LGBT rights organizations, either under the influence of impatient extremists or in an attempt to stay relevant (i.e., donor-worthy), refocused their missions to a form of revolutionary activism that purports to fight on behalf of trans people but in practice agitates for a revolt against Enlightenment ideals, liberalism, capitalism, and even basic biology.

Every LGBT organization seemingly became an extension of a university Gender Studies department, whose purpose was not to produce new knowledge but to interrogate — or, in their academic lingo, queer — existing knowledge which they spuriously associate with “whiteness”, colonialism, and Western patriarchy. Alongside this, a new social hierarchy of disadvantage was erected, where everyone was in competition to be the most “marginalized” — and therefore deserving of resources, a voice, and power in the revolutionaries’ value system. According to that value system, being gay or bi seemed to matter far less if one were also white, cis, and male, and therefore deemed to be in cahoots with the oppressors.

In 2017, while I was a student at Columbia University, I interned for GLAAD, one of the largest LGBT organizations in the US. Not only had their mission absorbed this new orthodoxy, it had filtered down to the interpersonal level. On campus and at GLAAD’s offices, I was regularly called “cis” in a kind of sneering, vitriolic tone that reminded me more than a little of the bullies who called me “fag” in middle school. The oddest thing was that much of the vitriol was coming from people who didn’t seem to be LGB, or even T, but who identified only as nonbinary or “queer.” Many of the people I encountered seemed to be profoundly homophobic. Any gay or bi man that didn’t at least adopt he/they pronouns, especially if they were white, was considered assimilationist, right-wing, traitorous upholders of the evil sex binary.

I never quite got used to being eyed with suspicion by other activists for my normative, gender-conforming appearance, or the constant bad-faith interpretations of anything I said. The only cis white gays spared this unfairly cold treatment were the ones who made a public show of being self-hating — the ones who renounced their “cis white gayness” and frequently apologized for their white privilege.

It was alarming to be on the receiving end of such vitriol simply for being myself — for not shaving one side of my head, painting my nails, piercing my septum, and adopting plural pronouns. It was alarming especially because so much of the hate I received when I was young came precisely because I was way too sex-nonconforming (in fact, in middle school, my classmates would often ask me if I was a boy or a girl). I wondered if my peers cared that I had been mercilessly bullied as a gay kid, or that I had worked on a trans rights anti-discrimination campaign when they were barely teenagers. I knew that my volunteering for marriage equality wouldn’t earn me any points, since marriage was to them an antiquated Western institution and part of an “assimilationist” agenda. This attitude has become so entrenched in LGBT activist spaces, I suspect it partially explains why support for same-sex marriage among Gen Z Americans has dropped from 80% in 2021 to only 69% in 2023.

Last year, I got a little more clarity about this issue when I came across an article, also written in 1994, by Stephen H. Miller. The publishing journal, Heterodoxy, titled it “Gay-Bashing by Homosexuals,” although Miller’s original title was “Gay White Males: PC’s Unseen Target.” In the late 1980s and early 90s, Miller chaired the media committee of GLAAD’s New York chapter. In fact, Miller came up with GLAAD’s mission statement, which was to “fight for fair, accurate and inclusive representations of gay and lesbian lives in the media and elsewhere.” In the article, Miller wrote that he was “purged” from GLAAD in 1992 because he objected to the rising political correctness and censoriousness in the gay, lesbian, and bisexual movement. Similar to the cultural shifts of the past decade, Miller recounts how activist organizations began prioritizing race and gender (and of course, the Correct political views) over individual merit. New staff members had to attend “endless sensitivity sessions” which “identified white men (whatever their sexual orientation) as the oppressor class.” Suddenly, it seemed like there was more antagonism towards the “white males” within the LGBT rights movement than without. Miller, who described himself as a “political moderate who believed in dialogue with the straight world and a good-faith search for common ground,” found himself “shunned.”

The race and gender quotas that LGBT rights organizations began adopting, Miller wrote, included weighted voting that favored women and people of color. For example, after regional delegations of organizers for the 1993 March on Washington for LGB rights failed to achieve their quotas, it was decided that women’s votes would count for three votes apiece and non-white votes would count for two votes apiece. That decision — and the many others that have since followed in LGBT activist spaces — calls to mind some dark and creepy moments from American history best learned from rather than imitated.

Of course, this also raises the question: Who decides who is a person of color and who is white, and how? Will they apply the one-drop rule, the early 20th-century legal principle that deemed any American with even one black ancestor (“one drop of black blood”) as black? I suppose that would be illegal since the Supreme Court outlawed the one-drop rule in its 1967 Loving v. Virginia decision. And yet, I’m not surprised by these backward tactics. It was Ibram X. Kendi who recently wrote, “The only remedy to past discrimination is present discrimination. The only remedy to present discrimination is future discrimination.” Around and around we go.

Then as now, as Miller wrote, anyone who challenged this illiberal orthodoxy was “deemed racist and sexist” and accused of harboring the belief that “white men are the main victims of discrimination.” Naturally, Miller notes, such accusations serve to discourage people who sense this hostility toward gay white men from voicing their dissent.

Then after AIDS decimated gay and bi male activist communities, lesbian radical feminists moved in, and a “critical attitude toward men, male sexuality, and ‘the patriarchy’” became the norm. “Male solidarity, once a hallmark of gay liberation, is now anathema.”

A direct line can be drawn from this upheaval in the early 1990s and the divisiveness in today’s LGBT activist spaces, where “cis gays” — and, in particular, “cis white gays” — are seen as upholders of villainous Western cisheteropatriarchy and its henchman capitalism. These modern activists are sure to include “white” not only out of an animus against white people, but because they assume that all people of color are helpless victims of Western capitalism who, because of their oppression, invariably hold the “correct” far-left politics. In his aforementioned article, Kushner invoked Oscar Wilde, quoting “A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at.” He added that he is “always suspicious of the glacier-paced patience of the right.” Writing for The Advocate, the gay writer Bruce Bawer responded that he and so many others are “impatient with models of activism that involve playing at revolution instead of focusing on the serious work of reform.”

This anti-“cis white gay” attitude proliferates in LGBT media as well. “White Gay Men Are Hindering Our Progress as a Queer Community” was the title of an article published in the magazine Them. “You had your time — now, we have other things to fight for,” read the subhead. “Let's Talk About People That Aren't Young Cis White Gay Men,” a HuffPost article was titled.

I could go on and on.

A few years ago, I attended a conference for LGBT journalists. There, I met a young, white, gay writer who would go on to work for a progressive news outlet in New York. He said his upbringing in a Southern state had made him racist, but since then, he has “trained” himself to be attracted to black and brown people, and now black and brown people are the only types of people he wants to sleep with.

If this is the “progressive” strategy for combating racism, I want no part of it. And any liberal cis white gay person who opposes racism won’t either. This is racism, operating under the guise of “anti-racism”, plain and simple. It attempts to end inequality by inverting it and, in the process, is attacking the foundations of the principles that have enabled the remarkable progress our society has made in transcending bigotry and prejudice. I only wish more people who saw this dogma for what it is were unafraid to voice the truth about it.

Homophobia and anti-gay hate are alive and well as progressive virtues.

#Ben Appel #woke homophobia #homophobia 2.0 #anti male #anti gay #homophobia #anti white #anti gay hate #intersectional feminism #religion is a mental illness

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rise-my-angel · 3 months

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Because I love salt, what do you find to be the most annoying lines of so-called evidence or foreshadowing for ships you hate? For me it’s hard to pick just one but Jon saying Sansa looked radiant is up there for me because the idea that Jon had a crush on Sansa in the first book or before is so much worse than the thought of them meeting again and then developing feelings (which I still hate, but it’s just not as bad). It’s super normal for people to think their siblings look nice. Arya’s POV chapters also remark that Sansa is beautiful. Ashford theory is annoying because it was originally about the hound and Sansa (also hate this ship but the fans are a million times more tolerable). I also roll my eyes when fans insist that the bride of fire line foreshadows Dany marrying Jon (and I even LIKE that ship but only in an AU in my head where Lyanna is Jon’s mom but Rhaegar is NOT the father)

"Because I love salt"

You have come to the right place as this is an accurate real life photo of me running this blog:

Thats a good one I hate though, multiple siblings and family members in this series all compliment one another. Even characters with bad relationships compliment each other. In the books, Arya recalls that her father calls her pretty, which only Jon ever also called her. Does that mean Ned had romantic feelings for Arya? Or Lyanna for that matter? No of course not. Thinking someone in terms of beauty is zero indicator of attraction in any way.

Also its even funnier with Jonsas because Sansa herself notes that Arya looks just like Jon, and then on multiple occasions notes that she thinks Arya is ugly. So, its even less compelling.

In the show Tyrion compliments Cersei's beauty all the time and we know there is nothing to it. It's reading into something that isn't there beacuse if they ignore the way beauty is used in this series as a common compliment towards other highborns, then its a really simple box to check on really stock symptoms of attraction. (I also dont really enjoy Sansan but it is funny how they just stay in their circle and mind their business like they somehow are winning based on being not fucking annoying alone).

I'm gonna rapid fire for Jon here because pretty much every single ship he has is backed by the worst evidence known to man.

The idea that Jon never thinks about Sansa because he loves her the most is dumb and not how we know Jon works. He holds back what he says not what he thinks. He thinks of Sansa the least because despite being his sister, she treated him like shit because she looks down on him for being a bastard. Jon cares about her, but not anywhere near how he cares about his other siblings who have clearly shown him love and respect.

The worst of Jon and Arya is a very very old outline that grrm scrapped. Its an outline that wasnt used and most of it isnt canon so it is literally a piece of non evidence for a ship that is disgusting. (Both Jonsa and Jonrya make Jons good older brother behavior towards his sisters look predatory and the shippers are all literally too blind to realize it)

Jon and Dany have literally nothing to back that up, because they are staged as moral oppositions to one another, dont know the other exists, and the idea that the motif of ice and fire will be about the coming together of romance is antithetical to everything grrm has established about the themes of his story. They are so far from being a ship that literally the ONLY thing they have to support it is the show and thats an absolute joke (see my every post that got me blocked by jonerys stans for more detail)

Ygritte is a rapist, so I accept literally zero "evidence" on that ones validity.

I also hate the "the actors have chemistry" argument to support really bad ships, because some actors having chemistry doesnt equal good romance, it equals good on screen dynamics in its own unique way. Like Tywin and Arya in season 2 have GREAT chemistry, but I don't need to explain why shipping that is creepy. Catelyn and Jaime have great chemistry, but it doesn't mean anything was actually there which could've worked.

Like shipping is fine, but so many people just INSIST it is canon or meant to be instead of something fun to think about. I joke ship about Stannis and Davos because its fun but I'm not over here arguing that people who don't ship it are "ignoring the text in front of them deliberately".

Also honestly, its really funny to me that you had to specify you'd only like that ship if they weren't related. Big oof on that one. Jonerys stans hate the idea they couldn't be related because they somehow think Dany being his AUNT isn't at all creepy. Like, Dany is related to Jon the way Jon thinks hes related to his MOTHER. There is no capability of romance or attraction there, that's crazy.

People who are biologically related but don't know it, 99% of the time are in fact, still not accidentally attracted to each other because that's biological survival instinct. Anti inbreeding protocol. But they think because DANY was raised to think her families blood superiority driven incest is fine, that somehow means JON would think its fine. Jonsas have no argument for that they just have to pray desperately that Jon would want to fuck his little sister despite how much it makes him look like a predator.

I'm sorry, I hope you have water on hand to wash down all this goddamn salt I just threw at you all at once.

Really, it isn't individual lines that irk me, its the overall tendencies of these ships to put more emphasis on things that don't even exist to justify something they don't even realize WHY people think it's creepy. I don't hate a lot of ships, just...all pro incest ones, and ones that promote predatory/rapist behaviors. Which is why I don't ship much in this series.

We're probably not meant to ship many people in this series if I in any way understand even a modicum of why grrm writes the lack of romance the way he does.

#game of thrones #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #anti jonsa #anti jonerys #anti jonrya #anti jongritte #anti jonerys stans #anti jonsa stans

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 1 year

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Discord, I’m Howling at the Moon

Title: Discord, I’m Howling at the Moon

Summary:

Roman was an accomplished Hollywood actor. Millions adored him for his charm and winning smile.

On the flipside, Remus was a certified medical examiner. Millions hadn’t a clue of who he was and those few people that did tolerated him. He dissected dead bodies for a living. Hell, he’d do it for pure amusement if someone offered. Becoming a medical examiner had been just the safe, legal route.

So it might shock people on who was the normal human being and who was the one that could transform into a quote-unquote "horrifying bloodthirsty monster."

Pairings: Brotherly Creativitwins

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Logan is in this fic for like five seconds (not enough to tag him imo), Werewolves, Nonspecific discussion of dissecting dead people (Remus is a medical examiner it’s kinda his job), illness mention, death mention, mutilation mention, vague nsfw jokes, arguing, crying, body horror, hurt/comfort

AO3 Link

Would y'all believe me if I told you this has been in my drafts for nearly three years, needing nothing but a few fixes here and there? Anyways, this idea had seized me one day late at night during 2020 lockdown and I wrote the barebones all in one night as you do. Many thanks to @stillebesat who beta'd it back in the day and gave helpful suggestions. I did use their advice to tighten up this fic...even it took this long for it to come into fruition.

People were generally ecstatic to learn that Remus Merkle was a doctor. Until they discovered his patients were mostly dead. And by mostly dead, they were completely dead. It was just, occasionally, decaying corpses had muscle spasms that caused them to move on their own. Thus “mostly” dead. However, nobody really appreciated jokes about decomposing corpses unexpectedly moving. Whatever, when the zombie apocalypse arrived, he’d be the only one prepared for it.

They also didn’t seem to appreciate hearing about the various ways one can end up dead. As a mortician, he’s seen all sorts of cause for death. Most were mundane things—old age, heart failure, cancer.

Some, however, never failed to crack him up on the depravity of man. They were all going to hell, every last one of them. Anyone who thought otherwise was just fooling themselves.

That was why Remus didn’t care about keeping up appearances. He spoke loudly and proudly about anything, everything on his mind. He proclaimed liking chocolate ice cream in the same breath of proclaiming his enthusiasm for octopus sex. He’d walk around publicly in the nude if it wasn’t illegal. When a grey streak appeared in his hair prematurely—he didn’t hide it away. He embraced it, showing it off to everyone—and he meant everyone. His co-worker Brian, the barista at the coffee shop, the random businessman on the street—everyone.

People were then generally surprised to find out that he had a rather conspicuous twin brother. Or perhaps surprised to find out that Roman Prince was a stage name—as artificial as the grandiose, bravado image his brother portrayed himself to be. Because despite their passing resemblance (they were fraternal) they were polar opposites.

Even growing up this was evident. Roman liked drawing unicorns and fairy-tale princes. In turn, Remus liked drawing five-legged, eight-eyed monsters that ate up Roman’s princes and unicorns. Roman liked the good guys. Remus liked the bad guys. This worked out rather well when they’d play princes and dragons. Except, of course, when they’d argue who should win.

Most of the time? It ended up in a wrestling match full of foul play. Such as pinching, biting and tickling. If their poor mother was fortunate, she might discover them in a heap sound asleep. The unfortunate times were when this rough-housing went too far and one of them ended up crying at the end.

Unlike Remus, Roman cared about what others thought of him. He loved putting on a performance—doing whatever he believed would please others. In school, he was always the favorite among teachers and students alike because of this. Many times Remus tried convincing him to let loose and have fun. All that did was result in arguments with words far more painful than childish rough-housing ever was.

It wasn’t like Roman and Remus didn’t care for each other–because they did! It was just natural that when you spent almost every moment of your life alongside each other up until high school graduation, you were going to argue a lot about stuff that was very important but also very stupid. Nowadays they both learned to agree to disagree about certain things.

Given his acting tendencies, it wasn’t too astounding to Remus that his brother went on to become an accomplished Hollywood actor. Millions adored him for his charm and winning smile, among…other things. Sure, Remus was Remus. But even he had a limit.

Reading stranger’s thirst tweets about your twin brother? It would never cease to be a bizarre, disconcerting experience. This didn’t mean he wasn’t above using it as fodder to tease Roman. For all his talk, his brother was easily flustered by such things.

On the flipside, Remus was a certified medical examiner. Millions hadn’t a clue of who he was and those few people that did tolerate him. He dissected dead bodies for a living. Hell, he’d do it for pure amusement if someone offered. Becoming a medical examiner had been just the safe, legal route.

So it might shock people on who was the normal human being and who was the one that could transform into a quote-unquote "horrifying bloodthirsty monster." This wasn’t always the case, mind you.

It all began when Remus received a phone call one Tuesday evening at around 5:37pm. It was a cold, overcast, rainy day. The type of weather that warranted murders and other violent criminal acts if this was a fictional story. Most actual crimes statistically occurred during warm sunny days.

Remus had just taken his dinner of chicken gizzards out at the same moment that Aqua’s Barbie Girl erupted on his phone at an obnoxious loud volume. Remus groaned, setting the dish aside as he dug out the phone from his pocket.

“What’s up bro? Did you end up finding the surprise I left hidden in your TARDIS of a closet?”

“Ah, I apologize but this is not your brother speaking.”

Remus’ knuckles went white, “Oh really? Then where is my brother?”

“I’m afraid he’s…occupied at the moment. Listen your brother has—”

��Did you kidnap him? Because I can and will find you—and chop you into tiny bits of pieces! I’m real good at that—well with dead bodies but I’m sure the same principle works on live ones.”

“I have not kidnapped your brother, I promise.” The stranger said, voice level and calm. Remus pouted because it wasn’t fun when people didn’t freak out.

“What are you doing with his phone then?”

“My name is Logan Barry, I am your brother’s assistant. I know this is an invasion of his privacy and could very well end in my severance from his employment but I felt it imperative to make this phone call for your brother’s sake. He has been experiencing mood swings—”

“Have you worked with my brother for a long time?” Remus interrupted, barking a laugh, “Roro’s always been one for dramatics!”

“I’m well aware of his flair for the dramatics, having worked under him for two years,” Logan bit back testily, “I assure you this is different. The thing most concerning to me is that a few days ago he dropped out of all his acting engagements and has taken to isolating himself in his home. It is clear something is causing him anguish but he won’t say what it is.”

“And so you thought to steal your boss’s phone and call up one of his family members to check up on him?” Remus hummed, “because damn, yeah, it sounds like a pod person replaced him. But you picked the worst person to call—sure, we’re cool, but we aren’t the sort to do mushy emotional talks.”

“Are you certain? From what he has told me, you two are close. You are also the closest relative in terms of geographical distance.”

Well, shit. The dude had him on that. Both their parents were currently on an anniversary vacation in Florida.

Remus sighed as he grabbed his dinner and shoved it into the refrigerator. Right smushed between a few of his science experiments; a dead rat and dove respectively each wrapped in tinfoil.

“And he doesn’t have any friends you thought of calling first?” Remus asked, snatching up his car keys.

“Roman has plenty of friends—“

“—but lemme guess? They’re a bunch of artificial Hollywood phonies?” Remus asked. He took the resulting silence as confirmation. “Don’t worry, Nerdy Wolverine, I’ll go over and knock some sense into my idiot brother.”

“Thank you, it is much appreciated.”

“Don’t thank me just yet—by the way, how did you get my bro’s phone? Did you steal it?” Remus asked, already in his car and starting the ignition.

“I did not steal it—the phone needed a new screen and he entrusted me with making sure it was replaced. I am simply returning it to him in the morning, rather than this evening.”

“Hm, whatever helps make you sleep at night!” Remus chirped, “I’m gonna hang up now so I can listen to some tunes while on my way to save Roman from himself!”

He then did just that, before Logan could have a chance to utter some formal goodbye. The drive to Roman’s house was long—three hours. It was a little less than that due to Remus’ excessive amounts of speeding. Death metal blared out of the car stereos. Usually he liked to screech along to it but he remained silent the whole ride.

Being a Hollywood actor was Roman’s dream job—just as much as Remus’ job as a medical examiner was for him. He worked just as hard as Remus to achieve that. It’d be one thing if his brother grew stressed from the pressure of the job or wanted to pursue other creative avenues. But for him to up and quit acting? With no warning or explanation? That didn’t make sense. Nobody just did that—well okay Remus would. That was on-brand for him. Not for Roman.

Although, it’d be great after all these years his brother finally learned to cut back and let loose. Who knew, maybe his assistant was just being stuffy about the situation.

It was completely dark by the time Remus reached the gates of his brother’s ridiculously large home. Normally Remus liked ditching his car and scaling up the gate to freak his brother out. Today he used the gate code for the first time ever. He still lockpicked his brother’s front door—what? He had to maintain some sense of normalcy. Or as normal as Remus got anyways.

“Roey, I’m homeeee!” Remus called out, grinning maniacally as he pushed the door open. He took one step inside and his foot met with the crunch of glass.

Roman liked to call himself a man of passion and ideals. He loudly abhorred logic and structure, claiming he followed the whimsy of his heart best. Despite that, he did appreciate some order and rationality. Unlike Remus’ unbridled chaos, Roman’s chaos was organized to a degree. Roman sometimes had piles of stuff lying in a room. Piles that seemed random and unorganized but they really did have a purpose.

Remus shone his phone’s flashlight to a mess that rivaled Remus’ own anarchy. Chairs overturned, broken shards of glass, a torn-up shirt—the list went on.

“Whoa,” Remus breathed in, closing the door behind him. For a second Remus forgot the whole reason he came here. Instead he became invigorated with memories of when he trespassed abandoned buildings as a teen. Some had broken-down belongings still left inside—you could tell a lot about a person from what they left behind. Remus knew that fact intimately.

Had there been some sort of a struggle? Was Roman involved with the mafia? Was Roman dead?

Remus froze, crouched down as his fingers touched a shard of glass on the ground.

“Roman?” He called out, “Where are you? I can’t believe you had a wild party and you didn’t have the gall to invite me!”

He waited, tapping his finger against the glass. Tap, tap, tap. He almost didn’t think he’d get a response until he heard a distant clang. And then, “Remus?!”

His brother. That was Roman’s voice. Weak and faint, although that could be because he was halfway across the house or something.

“Yup it’s me!” Remus grinned, jumping up to his feet, “Bro, where you at?”

“Remus what are you doing here?” Roman asked, a muffled noise following his words.

Remus huffed, slightly peeved. Here was his brother, a pinnacle of manners and yet he ignored Remus’ question entirely. Regardless, he walked in the direction he thought Roman’s voice was coming from.

“What, I can’t drop in, just ‘cause anymore?” Remus asked, “besides, it doesn’t seem like you’re up to anything right now. Besides nursing a wicked hangover, I bet. Did you manage to get laid?”

“Remus, you can’t be here!” Roman’s voice said, sounding increasingly closer. Remus’ grin widened. Bingo.

“What do you mean I can’t be here? I got through the door just fine—also for someone that’s loaded, you should really invest in a better lock.”

“No, please, Remus I mean it!” Roman snapped, the clanging noise echoing once more. This time it sounded like something metal. “You can’t be here, please!”

Remus creeped closer, frowning when he came to the end of the hallway. Hmm, right or left?

“Why not?” C’mon bro, please speak up and tell me .

“I—I can’t! You just have to believe me!” There was a tremble in Roman’s voice. Remus had heard his brother act, time and time again. He knew all his tells. This wasn’t him acting. Roman was genuinely afraid.

He was also definitely in the room to Remus’ left. Now he just had to open the door—locked. Remus bit his lips. Alright, no biggie. He could lockpick it.

“Remus? Is that you? Stay away!”

“Roman, you know me—if you have a dead body in there, I’ll bury it for you. No questions asked. I might just want a peek at the insides though!”

“Remus, please—” Roman let out a pained scream.

Remus’ fingers quivered. No! He steadied them, working as fast as humanly possible. It struck him then that this was just like a scene ripped from a horror movie. A man goes to visit his apparently gone mad brother and finds a mystery afoot. As much as Remus liked horror movies, he was finding that he didn’t like being in one.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the door unlocked. Remus slammed it open, one hand itching close to his pocket knife. The room was dim, containing a single window with blinds drawn over it. It looked like an ordinary guest bedroom until something shifted in the corner.

“Roman?” Remus came near, startled at the sight of his twin shirtless and chained up to the bedposts. What the fuck. “I should’ve thought you were one for such a vanilla kink. Where’s your partner? Are they hot?”

“It isn’t like that!” Roman insisted, baring his teeth, “Listen, I can’t hold it back any longer, you need to g o .”

Remus opened his mouth to respond when Roman dropped to the ground, screaming as he convulsed. Oh my god, he was having a seizure. Remus should call 911. His phone fell out of his pocket in his fumble to pull it out. He reached down to pick it up, only to drop it entirely once more.

This time was due to the fact that Roman…was rapidly growing hair? Like an infection, coarse grey hair started covering every inch of his brother. Which was really fucking weird because Remus did not know of any disease that caused instantaneous hair growth in such a way. But it didn’t just stop there.

As it continued, there was a series of horrible crackling noises. It sounded akin to someone popping a dislocated shoulder back into place except it sounded wrong, wrong, wrong. Something screamed within Remus that he should not be here, that he was in danger, that he should escape while he had the chance.

But he didn’t move a muscle, standing stupefied at the sight of his brother…transforming? Yeah, that seemed like the right word. Because the crackling was the result of Roman’s bones rearranging themselves to create an entirely different skeletal frame. His brother’s face twisted and contorted until it no longer resembled anything human. Dull human teeth gave way into sharp carnivore teeth.

At this point, Roman no longer had any hands–they’ve fused together into something else entirely. The same was beginning to occur with his feet.

The pants his brother had been wearing had long since been torn to shreds, but they became even more so as something burst forth from his body like that parasite from Alien except it was near his butthole and oh–was that a tail?

A werewolf. His brother was turning into a fucking werewolf.

Remus almost laughed. Was this a dream? Was his apartment infested with toxic mold and this was the result of a hallucination? Because the idea of werewolves was fucking sick (he’d been convinced he was one in middle school) but as far he knew, they weren’t supposed to be real and his brother sure as hell wasn’t supposed to be one.

Yet, it was becoming very damn apparent that his brother was turning into one. As the transformation leveled out, Roman’s screams ceased as a deep, guttural howl replaced it. The grey hair became more shaggy and looked soft to the touch like fur. His brother had paws! And fluffy wolf ears! If Remus hadn’t witnessed the whole thing, he would’ve assumed that Roman had a real ass wild wolf chained up to a bedpost!

Remus couldn’t help himself. He reached a hand out towards Roman, only to be met with a snarling and gnashing of teeth.

“No touching, got it.” Remus whispered, staring as his brother thrashed against the chains. The wolf tried chomping down on the chain, only to let out a yelp. Ears pinned back, he tried a few more times to success. Eventually he threw his head back and howled.

This was where most people would’ve been terrified enough to run away if they hadn’t at the start. After all, his brother had turned into a wolf and now was trying to escape his chains. Surely if he managed to break free, his animalistic instincts would cause him to maul Remus to death.

Oddly enough, Remus was feeling very calm. Perhaps a bit too calm, but as he stared at the wolf that was now his brother, things made sense. The trashed house, the erratic behavior, the fear in his brother’s voice moments before–werewolves were real and somehow his brother got bit by one.

“I bet it’s silver, isn’t it?” He mused underneath his breath. Silver hurt werewolves, right? Assuming that was true, it was no wonder that Roman’s wolfy form was so agitated by it.

So Remus decided to do something that was probably ill-advised. In fact if this was a b-rated horror movie, the audience would be yelling at him right now for being stupid. He reached for his lockpick toolkit and slowly inched forward. Roman growled at him.

“Listen, I’m gonna just,” He held up his lockpick toolkit out to show Roman, “help you out bud. See this? If you promise not to eat me, I’ll let you out.”

Remus didn’t know how much awareness Roman had in wolf form. He was gonna go with not a whole lot. Still didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try and communicate.

Roman sniffed at it curiously. He then stared at Remus, tilting his head. After a moment, Remus decided to take that as a permission to continue onwards. He touched the end of the chain to which his brother growled. Rude!

“Ok, look, I’ll respect not touching you, but I have to touch the chains to let you out.” Remus raised an eyebrow. He waited a few seconds before touching the chain again. Roman didn’t growl. He kept staring at Remus, watching his every movement.

“Good boy, good boy,” Remus said, fiddling with the lockpick, “okay, is that patronizing? Am I being demeaning? Please tell me if I’m being demeaning—”

Remus kept rattling on, working on the clasp until it finally released. An angry red band circled Roman’s leg where the chain had been. Roman lifted the paw up and down, tail wagging. He lunged forward, best as he could with three limbs still chained down, and licked Remus’ face. It was rough and coarse as sandpaper.

“Whoa, I haven’t even finished the other three just yet!” Remus protested, laughing. He pushed the wolf’s head away as he started work on the second chain. Roman whined but complied upon seeing what he was doing. The next three came off in quick succession once Remus figured out the locking mechanisms. When the last one came off, Roman bounded about the room excitedly. At one point he started chasing his tail to entertain himself.

Remus watched, deep in thought. His brother seemed so happy to be able to roam and chase his tail to his heart’s content. He’d only growled at Remus because he felt threatened and afraid of his presence. Once he understood his intentions, he immediately lavished affection upon him.

Just how long had his brother been a werewolf? This couldn’t have been going for more than a few months at least. In any case, Roman was so terrified of himself to the point of self-isolation. Which surely made the situation worse, because his wolfy side probably needed proper care and attention that Roman was neglecting.

Something tugged at his jacket sleeve. Remus looked down to see his brother looking at him, whining.

“What? You want some food?” Remus asked, “Damn, if I’d known I would’ve brought the roadkill I have in my freezer to you—”

Roman headbutted him with enough force to send him sprawling. This seemed to satisfy the wolf, because he then proceeded to lay on top of him.

“Hey no fair!” Remus said, trying to wiggle out to no avail. Roman licked his face in response before laying his head down. Remus tried a few more times before giving up. He sighed, finally resigning himself to his fate as a wolf cushion.

“Man, this is gonna be weird in the morning, isn’t it?” Remus asked, yawning.

It was.

He woke up to a scream. By the time he managed to open his eyes, he was greeted to the sight of a human Roman huddled inside a blanket.

“Morning, Ro. What’s for breakfast?” Remus asked casually, sitting up to stretch. If there was one downside to adulthood, it was that sleeping on the ground now resulted in stiff backs.

Roman looked at him like he was a ghost.

“H—how are you not dead?” Roman asked, “The chains—I—it escaped—did you get bitten?!”

He reached forward, searching for a bite mark of any kind. There weren't any. Remus grasped onto his brother’s hand, squeezing it firmly. Okay mushy emotional talk time. Remus wasn’t great at this, but Roman knew this. Hopefully he didn’t fuck it up too much.

“I’m fine, Roman,” He said, “I didn’t get a single scratch, I’m mostly hurt that you didn’t tell me you could turn into a hugeass wolf. Do you have any wolfy traits outside of Full Moon? Ooh, can you eat raw meat? What about your sense of smell?”

“Remus,” Roman began, his eyes wide, “why aren’t you scared of me?”

Remus cocked his head, “Why would you think that I’d ever be afraid of you? If anything I’m jealous of you! I can’t believe you’re better at turning into a wolf than I am. You know I spent half of middle school thinking I was a wolf.”

Roman stared at him, lips wobbling. He then shook his head and laughed. All choked up and wheezy like a broken squeaky toy as he slung both arms around Remus’ wiry frame in a tight embrace. He kept on laughing—his fingers digging into the fabrics of Remus’ shirt and jacket. Remus held onto him, massaging his scalp the way their mother did to comfort them growing up. Eventually Roman’s laughter died down to quiet, stifled sobs.

“I know you care a lot about appearances but you’re not a monster you know,” Remus whispered, “Dukey’s honor that you’re still your princely, heroic self, wolf or not. Besides you and I both know the monster in the room and that’s me.”

“You put pineapples on your pizza.” Roman hiccupped.

“It’s delicious! And there’s much worse cursed things to put on pizzas. Like gold and squid ink!”

“You wear crocs unironically.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You practiced bagpipes in front of my room at 2AM in high school.”

“Yup! See? I’m a certified genuine monster.” Remus beamed.

“No you’re not,” Roman made a strangled noise, “You’re my brother who’s weird and kooky at times but I--I…”

“Aw Roey. Don’t make this a mushy Hallmark movie,” Remus said, “but if it was, you’re still my brother regardless of how many times you get on my nerves.”

He almost addressed the chains–now that Remus knew, they were going to eventually need to have serious talk time about ways to properly care for one’s wolfy self. In a very un-Remus-like move, he bit his tongue on that one though. That was an argument for another time. One that was inevitable to happen if Roman kept transforming into a wolf every full moon.

For now? He was content to start teasing Roman with the latest thirst tweet he stumbled across.

#thomas sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #creativitwins #sanders sides #sasi #tssides #kat writes

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bacchanal-if · 10 months

Text

1700s Language

Word Count: 1,114

'Tis the end of summer, and London's lively streets bustle with the crowds of St. Bartholomew's Fair. As daylight fades from the sky, a picturesque scene unfolds under the gentle illumination of candlelight. Countless market stalls, brimming with merchants hawking their wares, create an unending fabric of commerce, and the very air carries the fragrant aromas of fresh meats and pastries, while the sounds of musical instruments, actors, and cheerful laughter reinvigorate the city. Diverse guests, representing all walks of life, gather to partake in the festivities, indulging in games, rides, and performances. Among these revelers is Aurabella, her heart filled with anticipation as she eagerly embraces the enchantment of the fair.

She navigates through the bustling crowds and colorful vendors, while in the shadows, a solitary figure observes her every graceful step with keen eyes. His gaze sends a subtle shiver down her spine, yet she dismisses it as nothing more than the heightened excitement that such a fair naturally evokes. Nevertheless, as she continues her exploration, an insistent feeling lingers—a suspicion that she is being followed.

Pausing before a display of exquisite jewelry, a warm and familiar voice reaches her ears, momentarily stealing her breath. "Aurabella, your appreciation for beauty remains as exquisite as ever."

She turns, her heart quickening at the nearness of the man who has long been the subject of her deepest desires. The interplay of light and shadow skillfully masks his features, as it has countless times before, leaving only his silhouette discernible.

"Your words flatter me. Yet, I believe it is your presence that truly enhances the sparkle of any gem."

He steps closer, brushing against her discreetly, still shrouded in the artful play of shadows. "A gem in the right setting shines even brighter. And you, my dear, are the setting that makes everything shine."

Aurabella's cheeks flush with warmth at his words, her heart swelling with affection for the man who possesses the remarkable ability to make her feel like the most cherished and beloved person in the world.

She glimpses a glint in his eyes, the only feature the lanterns seem to touch, and she recognizes that his words are not mere flattery but a sincere reflection of his deep admiration and love for her. She is not just the setting that enhances all things; she is the one who illuminates his life. She marvels at the incredible fortune of having found such a man, one who regards her in such a radiant light.

The mysterious gentleman extends his arm with graceful poise, and she accepts his invitation, her heart racing as she forgets about the jewels and places her hand in the crook of his arm. Together, they depart from the bustling crowd, moving toward a quieter corner of the fairgrounds.

The faint strains of strings reach their ears as they turn a corner. Before them, a puppet stage comes into view, adorned with opulent curtains and softly illuminated by candles.

"Shall we watch?" he whispers. She steals a glance at the man beside her, her eyes brimming with curiosity, intrigued by the thought that he may have had a purpose in bringing her here. Fate, she knows, plays no small role in their encounters. She nods her head in agreement.

Without further words, he leads her closer to the stage, positioning themselves where they can intimately witness the unfolding performance. The curtains part, and puppets, manipulated by unseen hands, make their entrance. They dance gracefully across the stage, portraying a tender courtship—a story of stolen glances, fluttering hearts, and whispered confessions.

"It seems the fair itself wishes to play Cupid tonight, weaving tales of courtship and affection," he murmurs.

"For how long have you planned this?" she smiles. He slides his hands around her waist.

"I have no notion of what you speak," he replies, though a smirk in his voice is evident.

The intricate choreography and the synchronized movements of the puppets—mirroring Aurabella's own connection to her suitor—are too precise to be mere happenstance. It is as though each step and each word have been meticulously scripted to echo their own love story. She smiles as her spirit soars, her heart resonating with the heartfelt narrative of the tale.

"Indeed, it is as if the fair is whispering its own love stories to us," she observes.

He chuckles, and she feels the warmth of his laughter in the air between them. She melds into his embrace, and he is more than willing to be her anchor.

As the wooden figurines draw nearer, mirroring a tender embrace, she feels a gentle pressure upon her hand—his fingers gently interlocking with hers, a gesture conveying volumes. She can barely contain herself from claiming his lips as her own, forcing herself instead to witness the puppetry in its entirety. Yet, as the performance reaches its zenith, with the puppets exchanging vows of undying love, Aurabella's restraint wanes. She shifts her attention, her ears attuned to the stage, but her gaze now wholly fixed upon him. The final scene plays out—a grand and ardent declaration of devotion—and the two puppets transcend from wood and string into flesh and blood.

Their mouths meet in a passionate and long-awaited kiss, reigniting the spark that had been building between Aurabella and her admirer throughout the entire performance. The audience bursts into applause and cheers, and they share knowing smiles between passionate breaths—smiles that speak of a shared secret, a secret known only to them. While the tale may have concluded upon the stage, it remains unbounded by it, continuing to script itself within the pages of their lives.

As the audience disperses, they stand together outside the constraints of time. With an affectionate smile, she leans closer and whispers, "This evening has been a delightful reminder of the days when our love was veiled in secrecy, my dearest."

"It has indeed been a memorable night for revisiting those moments," he responds, his eyes brimming with youthful mirth. "Though," he adds, tracing a finger along her cheek, "I must confess, my dear, as much as I cherished the art of courting you in secret, I am rather relieved to have transcended the intricacies of it."

She chuckles softly, leaning in to place a gentle kiss upon his cheek. "There is truth in that," she concedes. "Yet, there was a certain thrill in the mystery, was there not?"

He nods, a wistful smile playing upon his lips. "Indeed, the clandestine nature of our courtship rendered every stolen moment all the more precious."

Beneath the twinkling lights of the fair, casting a warm and inviting glow, they turn away from the puppet show, their intertwined fingers freed from the shadows of secrecy.

#commissions #ro: fox

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freeaustinbutler · 10 months

Text

AUSTIN IS STILL TRAPPED

EXPLAINING HOW AUSTIN IS TRAPPED IN THIS PR RELATIONSHIP!

A lot of you have asked why I have been silent, and to be honest, it’s because I have made my point! I still stand by it, and I forever will regardless what the future holds. Mollie continues to run her mouth because she has something to prove. I don’t :) My points are backed up by facts, and she’s a child behind a keyboard who’s an overly excited Talyor Swift fan who has no ability to think freely or control her emotions. So with that, I just laugh. We all know the Austin Butler news accounts and other leading fan accounts are PAID or partnered in some way with Austins Publicist, and therefore orchestrate most of the lies.

They have tried to silence our side of the fence and they just can’t do it! So I’ll get right into it!

Is Austin still trapped? YES!

Austin is a young man seemingly shackled by the expectations of a PR-driven romance, struggling to find his own voice amidst the clam of orchestrated appearances.

In the carefully curated world of celebrity relationships, Austin appears to constantly wear a mask whenever he is in her presence. The genuine smiles and unguarded moments that one would EXPECT from a couple “in love” were noticeably absent, replaced by a veneer of forced body language. Everything form the dog walks, to the yoga outings and smoothie runs. It was as if he had become a skilled actor, seamlessly slipping into a role that he had no emotional investment in. Kaia’s team know this. This fake relationship is an illusion of romance created for public consumption, yet devoid of the natural intimacy that defines genuine partnerships.

ALL of you should have had your alarm bells ringing when noticing that despite the constant media attention and staged appearances, a striking observation emerged - a glaring absence of candid photographs capturing their togetherness. In an era where every moment can be instantly shared with the world, the lack of organic snapshots was and IS a telling sign. The only evidence of their union seemed to come from chance encounters with fans, where his tightly controlled expressions betrayed the facade of affection he was expected to uphold.

In recent weeks I have seen a HUGE drop in social media engagement when it comes to Austin and Kaia content. Less and less people are liking and sharing anything that involves the two. More and more and more of you are being switched on and are realising the truth for what it is! Trapped in the web of a PR relationship, Austins silent protests through body language seems to underscore the powerful reminder that no amount of orchestrated appearances could suppress one's innate desire for genuine connection and personal autonomy. Something he’s been used to with past girlfriends. Genuine connections.

In an era where authenticity and transparency are highly valued, such calculated actions only serve to erode trust and credibility. The public is not naive.

Genuine connections and meaningful relationships are built on honesty and mutual respect, not on a carefully constructed facade fueled by a PR agenda. It's disappointing to see a talented individual like Austin succumb to the pressure of perpetuating a charade, diminishing his credibility and overshadowing his true talents. This orchestrated spectacle not only insults the intelligence of his fans but also belittles the profound emotions that real relationships actually entail.

The true fans can discern genuine connections from fabricated crap! In the ever-watchful eye of the public, Austin’s body language speaks volumes, painting a vivid portrait of his true feelings. That he’s uncomfortable and poses on command.

Even in group settings, his reluctance to engage with her is evident. He gravitates toward conversations with others, his body angled away, a subconscious effort to create distance. The lack of synchrony between Austin and kaias movements and gestures only emphasises the stark contrast between the constructed narrative and his unspoken truth.

WAHT HAPPENED IN PARIS!?

Austin REFUSED to attend the 2023 Cannes festival with her. He didn’t want the BS attached to his name. Plain and simple. This made Kaia mad. Austin also RFUSED to show up to kaia’s fashion show that she OPENED in Europe despite Austin still being in Europe at the time. When walking out of buildings with her he kept his head down, barely helping her into a car, and distanced himself any opportunity he got.

A peculiarly hilarious moment emerged when a photograph with another blonde woman was taken with Austin and kaia. He positioned himself in such a way that his “girlfriend’s” face was obscured, seemingly a conscious act that did not go unnoticed. She moved Austin’s hand aside, a subtle yet poignant assertion of her presence, and a reflection of her desire to not be sidelined in a moment meant to capture their unity. He will just simply use ANY opportunity to not be seen with her even when DIRECTLY beside her!

EVERYTHING from Austin swaying in his chair, refusing to touch Kaia, and only looking in her direction when she makes a HUGE unnecessary upward hand gesture, fans are simply clicking on!

WHAT WAS THE STAGED VICTORIA BECKHAM STUNT?

can you all not see that was for some type of promotional event? There’s no way it’s a coincidence that they are ALL wearing white T shirts. Go rewatch the video. They are barely touching the tree they are “holding up” as they can barely reach it. The recent revelation that her parents paid Victoria Beckham to post about her fabricated interactions with her alleged boyfriend is a disheartening example of the lengths some will go to manipulate public perception. It's a stark reminder of the disingenuous nature that can plague the world of celebrity endorsements and social media influence. The idea that an individual's image and personal life can be so blatantly manufactured for the sake of garnering attention and generating a false sense of relevance is both concerning and disappointing.

WHY IS KAIA NEVER WITH AUSTINS FAMILY?

Austins family must be allergic to kaia! (Or strongly dislike her) In the realm of social media, where likes and interactions often serve as digital affirmations of connection, his absence of engagement with anything related to his alleged girlfriend speaks volumes. We must also mention she never interacts with his sister by liking any of her things and refuse to like the DUNE 2 trailer. The deliberate omission of even a digital nod in her direction hints at a conscious choice to maintain distance, casting a shadow of doubt over the authenticity of their supposed relationship.

The enigma deepens further when glimpses into their interactions with his family come into focus. SHE tis never spotted with them. EVER. The absence of joint outings, with all of Austins family coupled with the habit of leaving in separate cars, paints a picture of a relationship that may not be as cohesive as it outwardly appears. Your friendly reminder that Ashely Butler has never not once said a single nice thing about her, nor hinted that she likes her.

It’s plain and simple. This relationship is not genuine. It’s PR. Always has been, always will be!

Have a great week!

#austin butler #elvis presley #kaia gerber

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glorioustimeswithdrew · 4 months

Text

Paul Giamatti’s Disturbing Secret Revealed

Originally published February 18th, 2019

Paul Giamatti is an American actor whose career has spanned decades with roles that have captured the imagination of the entire world. However, it can be easy to think that you know an actor well when in reality, there may be a wealth of unknown truths lurking within. This is certainly the case for renowned actor Paul Giamatti, who has been hiding a disturbing secret from the public for far too long. But it’s time to address this controversial topic head-on: Paul Giamatti is all sponges.

It’s tempting to dismiss this as nonsense. How could it turn out that legendary actor Paul Giamatti, beloved star of the stage and screen, could have been each individual sponge this entire time? But if you’re willing to see past your personal biases and focus on the facts and logic, you will see that Paul Giamatti is no ordinary American icon--because he is in fact sponges.

There are many important details that point to this obvious conclusion. For one, nearly every major news outlet that has ever covered Paul Giamatti in any capacity has described that, if he is in a room with dishes, the dishes are remarkably clean. One might think that this is merely a coincidence, but the New York Times specifically cited “...the dishes left in the sink were certainly unclean when [Paul Giamatti] first entered the room. And, as if by magic, the dishes were clean when he exited.” There is little to explain how dishes are constantly clean in Paul Giamatti’s presence other than Paul Giamatti is actually every individual sponge.

This shocking phenomenon has also been reported in reverse. A quick search of “Paul Giamatti sponges” will reveal a wealth of people sharing their bizarre experiences with using sponges. One woman claimed she was scrubbing a particularly stubborn spot off of her mixing bowl when she swore she faintly heard the words “I can’t remember her number.” This is a clear line from the famous Paul Giamatti film “Barney’s Version”. In another instance involving a man giving a routine clean to his plate, he says he heard, clear as day, “Every kid deserves a present on Christmas.”--the well-known line from Paul Giamatti’s beloved family movie “Fred Claus”. Statistics compiling all reported cases of lines of dialogue heard in the presence of sponges have revealed that a staggering 89% of these lines come from “Barney’s Version”, but 100% of them are lines delivered by Paul Giamatti in one of his movies.

On top of all of this, there is also the recently surfaced photographic evidence. In the movie “Love & Mercy”, there is a particular shot featuring Paul Giamatti that is quite damning. It’s a “blink or you’ll miss it” moment but experts have captured the exact frame in question for those willing to discover the truth. If you look at the below image, there is only one conclusion to be drawn: Paul Giamatti is, in fact, an overwhelming amount of sponges.

It’s plain to see that Paul Giamatti is not the iconic golden boy of Hollywood we all previously thought he was. How could he be, when he has participated in countless movies, both indie and mainstream, without ever once disclosing that he was the sponge you have in your kitchen and also all the other sponges that exist? What is done with this information is up to the court of public opinion, and it’s hard to know how the climate of 2019 will receive this disruptive revelation. But one thing is for sure. Paul Giamatti will reprise his role as Dr. Lawrence Hayes in “San Andreas 2″.

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funkybotwstuff · 2 years

Note

Hello! Can i request headcanons for Revali, Sidon and/or Link (i love them all so if i can only request one please pick whoever you like best) with a cinnamon roll performer S/O? Like s/o does theater and a variety of dances and arts but is a shy and quiet when not performing? (If its not to much to add maybe s/o can also fight when needed but it looks like dancing? Kinda like Lizzie from Black Butler?) Im sorry thats a lot thank you so mucb!!

Hello!! I absolutely loved this prompt, so tysm for the request! I hope you enjoy it!

Sidon:

FULLY SUPPORTS YOU 100%

Shows up to every single rehearsal and performance of yours, and will even hold up some other plans to go and watch you because he knows you’re sometimes more relaxed with him there for reassurance

However, if you ever don’t want him to watch when you’re feeling anxious, he’ll completely understand and give you space to be in your element

He’s constantly astonished on how you go from a reserved, quiet person to a confident, brilliant performer effortlessly reciting your lines or bounding across the stage

But he’s not completely taken aback of course!

He expects this much talent and vigor from his darling

Believes you're the sweetest most talented person in the world :D

Loudest cheer from the crowd every time

“Marvelous job, my love!”

“Fantastic, aren’t they?”

He'll quiet down though if you're feeling distressed, he knows how to take a hint

Since he’s aware of how shy you are outside performing, he’ll usher you away from the stage area as quickly as possible once you’ve finished to avoid crowds of fans

He constantly makes sure you’re comfortable

Always brings flowers and such for you following each performance and gushes about how amazing you are

Seriously, expect many compliments because he will not stop

How can he not compliment the most pleasant performer in the world?

If he does take notice that you’re feeling overwhelmed with all the attention, he’ll leave you be on your own for a moment to have some quiet time

He’ll help you practice your routines with you to make sure you’re well prepared by being a stand-in for other actors or dancers

Evidently, he’s not the most nimble partner to practice with (difficult to dance when you’re basically a giant), but you appreciate it nonetheless

He especially loves when you dance; to him you’re a graceful angel

But when you’re fighting, man

He’s absolutely infatuated about your fighting style

The way you maintain your elegant persona from your performing while in the midst of battle is extremely fascinating to him

You still look like an angel to him, but a badass angel that can swing a sword just as well as any baton

He'll shout stuff like "Perfect form!" while you're fighting to motivate you more

He truly does think you’re extraordinary 😫💞

Link:

It honestly depends on if this is Pre Calamity or Post Calamity Link, but either way he doesn’t have as much time as he would like to attend your performances

If it’s Pre Calamity, of course he has to be the Zelda’s bodyguard, so he’s gonna be a no-show most of the time

If it’s Post Calamity, he won’t be as busy, however he still has duties to fulfil

He’s a busy guy running errands for others and fighting monsters ykyk

He does tries to go as often as he can to support you tho

If he does show up, you can bet on him being the first one to come and pick the closest seat to the stage to watch you up close

He’s aware that you’re much more composed when he’s around before any performances

Since Link doesn’t typically attend these kinds of productions, he isn’t used to seeing how you dance and sing

That makes every show he does go to 10 times more special!

He’s not usually the one to sing praises, so he gives little gestures like a thumbs up to reassure you you’re doing a great job

Because he’s accustomed to you being equally as quiet as he is, Link’s especially astounded when you become someone completely different person when you’re acting

You would never speak as loud or as boldly as you do on stage in public, so he’s proud that you found something you’re so passionate about and that you cherish deeply enough to put your all in

He loves when you play the roles of feisty or brazen characters in a play the most because of this reason

He likes to watch your ribbon dancing performances

Those are without a doubt his preferred shows of yours, he loves the way you twirl and the way the ribbon coordinates with your dancing

After every show he attends, he’ll whisk you away from the stage and oncoming crowds and bring you to somewhere tranquil so you wouldn’t have to confront hordes of people

If you wanna talk about the performance, then he’ll gladly (briefly) say how you nailed your role

If not, he’ll sit in silence and quietly appreciate you

Since your dancing style is similar to his sword fighting (big sweeping movements, quick steps, etc.), he was pleasantly surprised to find out that you’re decent with a weapon

For him, this makes it so much easier to coordinate during training and actual battles

But sometimes, he gets enamored looking at your sophisticated combat skills that he pauses fighting whatever he’s battling for a split second to see your technique 😭

He gets inspired by your performances too

There are certain points where he’ll ask you how to do fancy but effective sword maneuvers similar to how you dance so that he can apply them to his training regimen

11/10 very sweet and supportive boy

Revali:

He’s a busy bird (his words not mine AHA)

So don’t expect him to show up as often as you’d may like him to

HOWEVER, this doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, even though he’ll sure act like he couldn’t give a damn at first

When he does come to your performance, he'll be in the very back leaning against a post because he doesn't want to distract everyone with his presence (obviously)

If you make eye contact, he'll do a small nod to assure you he's there for you

Since he knows how timid and anxious you are all the time, he was practically blown away when he saw your first dance performance

He’ll never say it out loud near other people tho, he can’t ruin his reputation by turning into some corny fanboy allegedly

He was almost (key word, almost) slack-jawed, but kept his stoic composure

You just looked so graceful and calm??? You, the apprehensive and gentle person performing gorgeous dances effortlessly in front of people??? He could barely fathom it

He was honestly a bit impressed, which is a huge accomplishment on your part so pat yourself on the back for that

Your singing voice is among his favourites

It’s not AS good as a Rito he supposes, but it’s charming and delightful

Literally anything having to do with music he’ll like, especially singing

It honestly surprised him when you started singing on stage for the first time

If you play any instruments too he really loves that

He appreciates string or woodwind instruments the most, like the violin, guitar, harp or flute

Once you’re finished a performance, he’ll tell off anyone who’s making you uncomfortable and antsy with his usual Revali sarcastic ass tone and bring you to a more serene location to unwind

Don’t expect a barrage of compliments initially either, the most you’ll get out of him is lackluster praise

“I suppose it was acceptable…”

Just know he means to be a tad more sincere than that

Once you continue down the relationship and he becomes more vulnerable, he’ll tell you how amazing your show was, but never directly (only in front of you tho)

“Another success today hm? One might even say it was quite sensational.”

Your dances are quite handy in combat as well

His complex aerial abilities coupled with your fluid dance-like finesse is an impeccable match for fighting against adversaries

It’s actually almost baffling how perfect it works out, it appears nearly flawless every time the two of you engage in combat together

That’s why he sort of likes having you around during battles; he admires your drive and cooperation

Overall salty birb has a little soft spot for his talented darling

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sometimesrosy · 2 years

Note

Oh, I guess I'll disagree with you on something for the first time :/ I think this is the biggest smear campaign of all time, where social media really is coming into play. Amber has shown evidence multiple times on court to back up that he did indeed abuse her, including evidence where he admits it. I think you'll eventually reach a point where you'll fight back with everything you got, and she reached that. Also, I read something very interesting said by Julia Fox and some other people: +

+ which is that Amber never really had the power to abuse a man so powerful as Johnny. In every sense, Johnny has always been more powerful than her. Her testimony is also being really powerful, and he's delivering what he promised: global humiliation. I liked Johnny, and I really like him as an actor. I hope he finally gets the help he needs to overcome his addictions, and I hope he lets that help reach him.

+++

disagree with me for the FIRST time? That's unusual. lol.

But I gotta go back and disagree with you. The concept that he was more powerful than she was so he COULDN'T be the victim only works if he's not a mess inside, which he clearly is, considering his childhood abuse and his substance addiction.

AND that was one of the points she used in that phonecall. That no one would believe that HE, big bad Johnny Depp, could be abused by comparatively powerless Amber.

That's gaslighting. "I'm not hurting you, you're a man. You're famous. You're rich. I couldn't POSSIBLY be hurting you, you fucking wuss. Go ahead tell everyone that you have no balls. NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU WERE ABUSED."

I think the smear campaign started with Amber. He's the one who lost his blockbuster. She got Aquaman. He's the one whose reputation was smeared and career ruined. DESPITE being Johnny Depp.

I also read that his friends saw what was happening but never said anything to him because they didn't want to lose Johnny's friendship. He was in love with her, despite it all (because that's what happens in abusive relationship, the abuse and love gets all tangled together.) Apparently ALL his friends did the same thing. They all left him hanging in the wind because he was THAT big.

She didn't have more money or fame than him. That's true. He had that power. I can't tell who was violent and who wasn't. Maybe both, i don't know. There's a lot of lying, but who is lying? IDK. I think she is. I haven't heard any powerful testimony from her. I've seen a lot of dramatic expressions. This is not powerful to me. This is melodrama, stage acting, histrionics.

When I was in an abusive relationship, do you wanna know who was more dramatic, loud, and emotional? My abuser. I shut down. Put humor between me and the pain. Tried to be logical and conciliatory.

I can only react to what I see in the media with how I relate to it personally, because that's the only truth of the matter that I have access to.

Who's lying? Who's forgotten? Who's confused? Can't tell. Who was violent? Maybe only her, maybe them both. Who was the drug addict? Definitely him. Maybe her too. Who was jealous? Maybe him. IDK. Who was emotionally abusive? She was. Definitely. Was he? I don't see it here. Not in their behavior in court and not in the evidence I've seen.

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whumpmatsus · 3 years

Note

28 Kara is cute, one would say too cute to suffer. Not me. Maybe fic where he is feeling really sick, but being the quiet one he is forgotten for a while? Or something. Pls and thanks.

haha, nobody is EVER too cute to suffer here! including precious baby 18!Kara~ <3

I had fun with this, I hope you like it! c:

It’s pouring rain when the rest of the sextuplets come to walk Karamatsu home from the train station, and he doesn’t want to go out in it.

Today’s drama club meeting wasn’t a very good one. The teacher leading it got focused on the two lead actors for the play which the club is showing tomorrow night, because they were both fighting and at each other’s throats. Most of the others ignored Karamatsu in favor of being on their phones or reading magazines or running lines while the teacher was busy with the leads.

Finally, in a twist that puts the cherry on the horrible meeting sundae, despite the fact that he’s playing a small part, Karamatsu messed up his own lines every single time. The others were so irritated with him, he wished the floor would just swallow him up.

Usually he’s so good with acting. It’s something he’s passionate about and enjoys and takes pride in. Today… it’s not that he’s nervous about the production. It’s that he just feels awful.

He’s been tired since he woke up, he’s warm and clammy at the same time, his throat is scratchy, he keeps coughing and sneezing, and any part of his body that doesn’t have a specific complaint is simply achy. Mommy noticed that he wasn’t feeling well when she sent them all to school, but he begged her not to keep him home, and since he didn’t have a fever this morning, she let him go.

There’s… definitely a fever running through him now, though. He thought for sure his brothers would notice and maybe ask him if there was anything they could do; instead, he’s been behaving so normally as far as they’re concerned, with his quiet nature and tendency to cry over small things, that not a single one of them has picked up on it.

On top of everything else, he forgot his umbrella. It was supposed to be sunny today, so he had to walk from school to the train without one, and now when he gets out of the station, he has to go out into the rain with barely any protection.

Although he’s crying by the time he reaches his brothers, it blends in pretty well with the rain.

Thankfully, all his brothers are carrying umbrellas, so he huddles under Osomatsu’s and presses himself against his older brother’s side. Osomatsu immediately accommodates him, pulling Karamatsu in to get dry. “Hey, bro! Geez, you’re shaking like a leaf. Sorry you didn’t have your umbrella!” He chuckles and tousles Karamatsu’s hair. “That’s what you get for picking a nerd hobby that’s right after school so you don’t have time to go home and get anything.”

“Don’t listen to him, Kara ― your hobby is just fine,” Choromatsu hums. He’s busy trying to entertain Totty, who’s doing his damnedest to attach himself to Choromatsu’s hip. “Now, guys, it’s raining out here, so can we please go home and get some tea? If we stay out here much longer, we’re gonna catch colds, and I do not want to be sick for graduation.”

Jyushimatsu scoffs. “That’s still two weeks away. We’d be fine, dumbass.”

Choromatsu’s face turns bright red. “W-well, if you’re fine getting sick regardless, you can go jump in the puddles for all I care!”

A smile briefly flashes across the second youngest’s face. “Really??” And just like that, he’s back to looking constantly angry. “Naaah… that shit’s for babies!”

They all begin to walk, and Ichimatsu shakes his head. “Ah, Karamatsu-nii-san… some of my friends wanted to come see that play tomorrow. What time does it start, again?”

“U-uh.” Karamatsu sniffles a few times, nuzzling against Osomatsu’s shoulder. “7 P.M. for the first one. Then there’s another showing at… at 8:30. I… don’t know if I’m… going to go, though.”

“What??” Choromatsu frowns as the six of them stop for the crosswalk. “You’ve never had stage fright before. You’ll be fine once you get up on the stage.”

“I don’t know, Choro…”

“Oh, come on, Kara-nii-san. Don’t cry like that… you made a commitment! You don’t wanna let your club down, right?”

Karamatsu reaches up to try and wipe the tears away. Not only is it kind of ineffective because his rain-soaked bangs keep dripping down his face, his hand keeps brushing against parts of his acne as he tries, which is painful. “Y-yeah, but…”

Osomatsu gives his little brother a squeeze that he thinks is supposed to be reassuring. It’s a bit rough, though. “No ‘but’s unless you’re grabbing a girl’s butt, Kara! You got this! You’ve done this shit before and totally nailed it. You usually don’t have too many lines, anyway, so it’s not that bad, is it?”

God, he should have a little more backbone. He should be able to say things decisively and not just fall silent when his brothers push him like this. Actually, if he just managed to say outright that he’s sick, they wouldn’t even be saying anything like this stuff. Right now they just think it’s pre-curtain jitters, which happens, which they can usually shake him out of because they know he loves acting.

Funnily enough, even though he doesn’t have much of a spine himself, this crappy cold of his evidently thinks this is the perfect time to speak up. The congestion he’s been fighting blossoms into something insistent that he can’t ignore, and he quickly ducks his face down between his hands.

“― Hh’DSHH! Hah’DTchh! Hd’TCHHuu! Ahh’DTSCHhhoo!”

A volley of coughs rides on the tail end of the last sneeze, so much that he can barely get a breath in. Each one makes his all-over soreness sharpen for a second, unbearable pinpricks of pain across his whole body. The coughs make something in his chest crackle and it hurtsand suddenly he’d pulled into a protective hug.

Part of him wishes he could just pull away. The part of him that wants to lean into the contact wins out, allowing him to nestle into his older brother’s chest as he continues to cough.

“Shit, Karamatsu!” Osomatsu starts rubbing his little brother’s back in an attempt to help break up the fit. “The fuck, man? That sounds nasty. You coming down with something?”

Karamatsu can feel the others hovering closer, murmuring in concern among themselves. The coughs finally taper off and he scrubs at his eyes, no matter how much it hurts, even as more tears start to bubble up. “Y-yeah… I woke up sick…”

“What??” Choromatsu sounds almost like he’s been betrayed or something. “You should have stayed home! Ah… wait… wait, you walked all the way to the station from school in the rain when you already have a cold? That’s a great way to end up with a sinus infection or pneumonia! Shit, we gotta get you home…”

“Sorry…” Karamatsu manages to croak out, followed by more sniffles. Thanks to the cold air and the sneezing, his nose has started running again. “U-uh… does anyone have tissues…? I used all mine already…”

Ichimatsu starts to dig around in his pockets. “Yeah, I think I have some.”

As he hands over a small pack to his older brother, Osomatsu gives a protective squeeze. “Hey, Choro, don’t blame Karamatsu for all this. He should have said something, sure, but it’s not all on him here. We should have noticed something was up. Right? We’re his brothers.”

Karamatsu lets out a small whine of protest, pressing a tissue over his nose. It would have been nice for them to notice, but… it’s not like it’s their job. They don’t owe it to him to pay attention to him. “I-it’s not your fault…”

Before anyone else can say a word, Totty lets go of Choromatsu and darts over to circle his arms around Karamatsu’s waist. He’s sort of wedging himself between Karamatsu and Osomatsu, pretty clearly wanting to be with both of them. “Ah! We love you, Karamatsu-nii-chan!! We’ll take good care of you!”

“… Yeah,” Choromatsu chuckles. He reaches over to pat Karamatsu’s back. “I’m sorry we weren’t paying enough attention to notice you weren’t feeling well. But we’re gonna get you home and tucked into bed. And I’m sure Mom will call the drama club teacher to tell her you can’t perform tomorrow night.”

Jyushimatsu hums, and he appears to be trying very hard not to smile wide like he wants to do. “We’re probably all gonna catch it, right?”

Ichimatsu chuckles softly. “Yeah, that’s what usually happens.”

“So… we can go stomp in puddles, right? Since we’re gonna get sick anyway?”

“No, no, no,” Choromatsu immediately speaks up, “no stomping in puddles! We have to get Kara home!”

Of course, it’s too late. Jyushimatsu has run off ahead of them all, launching himself into every puddle he can find, his face switching between an irritated scowl and a borderline maniacal grin.

Totty’s still clinging to Karamatsu, snuggling against his shoulder. “We’ll all get to be sick together! That means we get to stay home from school for a couple days. We can sleep and watch movies and have a big cuddle puddle.”

Choromatsu sighs. “As long as we don’t miss the commencement ceremony, that’s okay. I guess the last few weeks of our senior year don’t matter too much with regard to schoolwork, anyway. Especially since we’re already adults.”

Another few coughs are muffled against Osomatsu’s chest, prompting everyone to give a brief stroke to Karamatsu’s back or hair. “Well, before we catch it,” Osomatsu says, “we’ve gotta get this geek home and throw his ass in bed. He’s really warm… feels like his skin’s gonna burn his clothes up. C’mon, Kara. We’ll get you wrapped up in a blanket, then maybe I can help Mom make some kayu to make you feel better.”

“Mm…” Well. That does sound pretty good. “… W-with umeboshi on top?”

“Yeah, sure! Whatever you want! And Choro can make some tea, Totty can pick out a movie, Ichi can get a cold cloth for your forehead, and Jyushi…” Osomatsu blinks and peers out where their fifth eldest is… way ahead of them. “What can Jyushi do?”

Choromatsu blows out a slow, frustrated breath. “… Stay out of the way??”

Totty giggles. “He can be the bodyguard! We’ll station him outside the room, and if any of Ichimatsu-nii-chan’s friends come by to try and take Ichimatsu-nii-chan away, Jyushi-nii-chan will scare them off!”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a good idea, Totty!”

“What? Why do you want to scare my friends away?”

“Because Karamatsu-nii-chan’s sick! They can’t drag you off somewhere when your big brother needs you! That’d be mean.”

“A-ah, hahahah… he’d be fine without me, but… I can just say no! We don’t need Jyushi to scare them away.”

“We miiiiiiight! At least, it would be funny!”

Karamatsu offers a tiny laugh, which quickly turns into another couple of coughs. He puts a weak arm around Totty and wonders how he’s going to keep his eyes open for the rest of the walk home. He thinks they’re not too far away, though.

“Thanks, guys… this… this might not be such a bad day after all…”

#Osomatsu san #whump #Karamatsu #18!Matsus #18!Karamatsu #illness #cold #fever #hurt/comfort #Osomatsu #Choromatsu #Ichimatsu #Jyushimatsu #Totty #aaaaaa look at these good boys all taking care of their brother once they realize he's sick #that's the pain of being quiet and shy! poor Kara #but at least he's getting taken care of now!! <3

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motherjoel · 4 years

Text

Leading Lady (Spencer Reid x Reader)

chapter one- movie pirate

wc: 1.2k

summary: you’re a struggling actor in New York at risk of being the next victim in a string of local murders

a/n: this is a story thats on my AO3 that I decided to post on tumblr as well! i hope you guys like it

chapter index: chapter 2

“Deep breaths, Y/N. Once you’re up there, it’ll be a piece of cake! You just, yaknow, have to get up there,” you say to yourself, in hopes of convincing yourself to calm down. Being on stage was your favorite place to be, but for some reason it took all of your strength to actually walk onto the stage, even though it was just a rehearsal. Your passion outweighed the stage fright though, and as you heard your cue you got into character and made your way onto the stage.

“It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes… Tomorrow comes!” you sang, tears threatening to roll down your face. It was still only rehearsal but for some reason the last words of Les Mis brought you to tears every time. You finally landed your dream role of Eponine, although it was just a local community theater, the cast was very talented and you were honored to stand with them.

“Great rehearsal everyone. I know it's been a long day so I wont keep you. Go home, rest your voices, stay hydrated and be ready for tech rehearsal next week!” your director said. The rest of the cast had rushed off the stage, running off to their night shifts and chicken flavored ramen. Most of the cast were young and struggling to make it in show biz, much like you, who had yet to move from your position on the stage, still soaking in the moment. You snapped out of it, though- you had an early shift the next day and needed your sleep. Jumping off the stage, you gathered your things from a chair in the audience and headed out of the theatre.

Your walk home was fairly short. Living in New York had its perks, especially the walkability. Never mind the polluted air and real estate prices- you just felt like you belonged here in Manhattan. You normally felt safe walking home at night, with the streets usually occupied, but you couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching you. Picking up your pace, you made it to your apartment building and ran up the 5 stories.

“Yo, how was your rehearsal?” asked your next door neighbor and friend Brooke as you unlocked your door. She, like you, was a struggling artist- Brooke was always working on a novel, hoping to be the next big author.

“It was fine. I'm starved, though. Wanna order a pizza?” you asked, hoping she'd come inside with you to hang out. You were still unsettled from earlier, couldn't shake the feeling of being watched and you didn't want to be alone.

“At 10:30 PM?” she questioned, to which you nodded. “Ugh I wish I could hang, I have to get to bed. I’m flying home tomorrow morning and I gotta leave the house at like 4 AM. Why don’t you ask Maaaaaatt to hang out…?” she suggested, drawing out the “a” in matt to tease you. Matt played Marius in your show and the two of you have a bit of a “showmance” going on. It wasn’t really a love connection but at least he was someone to pass the time.

“Eh, maybe. It is actually kinda late and I gotta be at the store pretty early tomorrow. Have fun on your flight!” you said, stepping inside your apartment. Shutting and locking the door, you threw your keys and bag onto the couch and strode into the kitchen. Your apartment was very small- barely enough room for 2 people. You had moved in with your now ex-boyfriend, Logan, a few months ago. He has since moved out and for some reason, the small apartment always felt empty.

Changing into your PJs and forgoing a shower, you climbed into bed and tried to fall asleep as soon as possible. You had to work at 8 and needed sleep. You drifted off with thoughts of France in 1815, not noticing the shadows on the fire escape outside your bedroom window.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“Ughhhhh,” you sighed, not a morning person. It was 7:15 but it felt like the middle of the night. Rolling out of bed, you put on a denim skirt with tights, a black turtleneck and a pair of mary jane doc martens. This was your usual style, a staple piece being a turtleneck, sometimes you experimented with a colorful sweater but it was nice to have a style that was easy to throw on every morning. You heated up a frozen breakfast burrito while you put on some makeup, planning on grabbing some coffee at work. As you walked to grab your purse from your bed, you noticed the window in your room was slightly ajar. Weird for the middle of October, but you had work in 20 minutes and didn’t have time to dwell. You shut and locked the window, hurrying out the front door.

It was a short walk to your workplace- a quaint little bookstore/coffee shop store that you had loved ever since you walked in a few short months ago. After becoming a regular, you had noticed a “help wanted” sign in the window and jumped at the perfect opportunity to work your dream job. It was pretty chill and you got free coffee every shift which was a definite bonus. Today, however, was the opposite of chill. You knew this to be true when two serious looking men walked in with purpose- not the meandering behavior of your usual customers. You were behind the counter, just having finished ringing someone up, when the two walked over to you.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” the muscular one asked. You were shocked, to say the least, and you guessed it was pretty evident on your face when the man introduced himself.

“I’m agent Morgan, this is Dr. Reid, we’re with the FBI,” he said, flashing you a badge. “Could we speak with you?”

You were caught off guard, once again. “FBI? The worst thing I’ve ever done is go on 123movies to watch High School Musical!” you said, noticing a smirk on the muscular one's face- the skinnier one in the sweater looked puzzled by you.

“No miss, we’re not here about that,” he chuckled.

“We’re here because we believe you could be the next victim in a string of murders,” said the sweatered one, quite bluntly. The man you now knew as Agent Morgan nudged him and he put his head down, blushing. Your mouth was agape.

“Sorry for my partner here, he isn’t the best with bedside manners. But, it's true. It’s possible that you’re in a lot of danger. Would you come with us?” he asked. You checked your watch, seeing that your shift was due to end in 10 minutes anyway.

“Sure, I guess. Lemme just grab my things from the back,” you told them. As you headed to the back you heard the two bickering, but you were too in shock from the news you just received to listen in. After gathering your purse and jacket, you were led out the door by the two men and into a large black SUV.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid/reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid/you #spencer reid imagine #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid angst #reid #criminal minds reid #derek morgan #penelope garcia #aaron hotchner #hotch #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau

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wellbutrin-shakes · 3 years

Text

OMGCP leverage au

Jack is a former insurance investigator, chasing after con-men. He struggled with anxiety and his high intensity job, and accidentally overdosed on his anxiety medications after a particularly rough case. When he comes back to work afterwards he is immediately fired on some bullshit excuse but he knew that the company was “embarrassed” by his public overdose. Without his job to devote all his time to, his life kind of fell apart and he struggles even more with his anxiety, maybe leaning even heavier on benzos.

Some rich CEO approaches him with a job- his competitor stole his patent and he assembled a team to steal it back. He just needs a “good guy” to watch over them and make sure they don’t fuck him over. Jack isn’t interested in returning to that kind of work, doesn’t want to make his anxiety worse than it already is. But this competitor is insured by his old company, and well he can’t turn down a chance to screw them over in revenge.

So Jack takes the job and meets up with this assembled team-

“Shitty”- thief. No one knows his real name. Jack thinks he’s crazy, Instantly tries to become Jack’s best friend, which annoys Jack because he views Shitty as a criminal and considers himself to be ‘above’ that (for now).

“Holster”- hitter. Impressive track record working security for mobs. He and Ransom becomes best friends immediately. Honestly it takes him a while to stop viewing Jack as a narc.

“Ransom”- hacker. Has been a computer genius since a young age. Once they form Samwell he struggles with anxiety about the team being physically in danger while he is in the getaway van with his computer. Holster helps him through it by reassuring him that he can keep everyone safe

The plan goes smoothly and they are able to get the patents back to the CEO. But then he tries to kill them, and they realize they’ve been tricked to steal another company’s original plans for that asshole and he tried to tie up loose ends. Jack devises a plan to get back at him, but he already knows all of their faces so they need a new grifter to pull this off.

Enter Bitty.

Shitty knows him from some previous con, and claims that he’s the best local guy. He brings them all to the small theater Bitty is performing at, trying to be an actor now that he is out of the con game. They watch him perform on stage and he is just. TERRIBLE. He is an incredible con man, but cannot act on stage to save his life because he gets too in his head. Jack is pissed because they need a real grifter in order to pull this off, and he doesn’t trust Bitty at all. Shitty manages to convince him to give Bitty a chance, considering they’ve got a tight timeline. So Bitty joins the team, and even though Jack is an asshole Shitty, Ransom, and Holster are all nice and welcome him in.

They start the con and Bitty just wows Jack with how smooth his acting is. He’s a completely different person than the guy that was on stage. Jack realizes that they actually can pull this off.

They do, and they end up humiliating the CEO and destroying the company. As FBI agents walk out of his office with box after box of evidence, the crew stands outside the window and waves at him. Ransom has the forethought to put money in the stock market since he knows the company will go under, and the whole crew makes like a gazillion dollars. Enough to retire.

At first Jack is all “One show only. No encores.” But he realizes that he actually wasn’t that anxious during the con (once he realized Bitty knew what he was doing). Actually, being the mastermind behind the plan gave him control, and he didn’t even need a benzo the last few days. So he kind of shyly mentions that this was kind of fun, and maybe they could do it again sometime? And of course the whole team agrees, because they’re all lonely working alone and none of them have had this much fun on a job ever. So they start up a hotline to help people who have been fucked over by the rich and powerful and form their own Robin Hood gang- Samwell.

((Btw Kent would Sterling + Maggie in this- Jack’s old partner at the insurance agency. They used to hook up on the DL, and they were amazing at their job but were a completely dysfunctional, competitive relationship. He offers Jack a job to return to the agency and be his partner again, and Jack turns him down because he has a purpose and a family and is actually happy now. Kent vows to track them down and wants to use the threat of arresting he team to force Jack into coming back and working with him. He never is able to bc the team is smarter than him and Bitty will leave little passive aggressive messages whenever he gets close- Kent bursts into an “abandoned” warehouse yelling “Gotcha!”, only to find it is actually abandoned. Except for a pie sitting in the middle of the floor, still warm, with a note “Better luck next time xoxo”))

The next job they do requires a forged piece of artwork- they hire Lardo, a well-known forger. At first she thinks this is just a one-off, but the team (especially Shitty) all love her and ask her to join the crew. She’s also great at graphic design and all the other stuff that goes into making a believable cover (basically all that extra stuff Hadison does: costumes, props etc.) She eventually starts learning some thieving skills from Shitty too. And she starts experimenting more with her own original artwork, which hangs on every wall in HQ.

They eventually run into Dex, Nursey, and Chowder- a trio of hitter/hacker/grifter. Maybe they were after the same mark? They’re younger than the Samwell crew so they take them under their wing. Dex and Nursey are always bickering like Elliot and Hardison- “Nobody throws Nursey off a roof…. Except maybe me”.

Jack still struggles with anxiety, especially during tough jobs and close calls. He thinks that if they get caught it is all his fault since he came up with the plans (and Kent’s threats don’t help). The team helps him understand that they all know the risks and they follow him anyway because they trust him and he is a good person who wants to help good people who get screwed over by powerful rich assholes. They would gladly go to prison for that- they were all criminals working alone before. Now they are a family with a purpose, plus they still get to do crimes! It’s a win-win.

Okay so Bitty has a problem with physicality, and is super afraid of getting beat up on a job. One job Jack makes a risky play, and Bitty ends up getting hurt. Jack is furious with himself for letting it happen and putting the success of the con before Bitty’s safety. Afterwards he takes it upon himself to teach Bitty self-defense. Holster offers to do it, but Jack feels personally responsible and wants to do it himself. Bitty is appreciative, but also very intimidated by Jack. Over time though he gets better and better and the first time he punches someone on the job Jack almost kissed him right then and there.

Jack just goes “Oh.” And tries to keep ignoring it until one night the sexual tension between them becomes too much. And then Jack freaks out, because they last time he was hooking up with someone he worked with it was a disaster. But he realizes that he wants this so much, and Bitty does too, and they eventually get together. They try to hide it from the team for a while, to avoid messing with the dynamic, but they’re not very good at hiding it so the team figures it out pretty quickly.

Also I want Jack “who the fuck is Eric?” to keep trying to guess Bitty’s first name while the whole team already knows, a la Nate and Sophie. Bitty agrees to marry him when Jack finally proposes using the right name (which takes forever).

The Leverage hockey episode!!!!!!! Obsessed with the idea of Bitty telling Jack he stole the Stanley Cup.

#has anyone done this???#this got away from me #but honestly omgcp and leverage go together so well #omgcp #zimbits #check please #something something Bitty turned to grifting when he realized he was acting 24/7 in Georgia and pretending to be straight #and figured well if he's this good at it he might as well put it to use #Also dex is literally elliot if he turned to hockey instead of killing people change my mind

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abbydramarambles · 4 years

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The REAL Ending CLOY

This is my headcanon and you can’t tell me otherwise. The epilogue in Switzerland is set a few years after the events of that piano concert. They have already found a way to be together more permanently. To me the house doesn’t seem like a vacation house, it seems like a home home.

There is that photo of Se-ri on the bridge, not something one would frame for themselves. RJH definitely lives there. Check out the north Korean coffee kettle and other souvenirs as well. This is the sort of stuff one would have in their home.

The only thing holding RJH to North Korean is his parents, the fact that they could be killed if he were to defect. After they die, he has no reason to stay. We’ve already been shown that he is resourceful and would know exactly how to get out. Not to mention that everything in north Korean runs on money, if you have connections like Se-ri and RJH do....anything is possible. And to me these two people with all their power, well they would find a way.

Dan’s mother travels out of the country a lot as well for business. I think the 2 weeks is the longest trip Se-ri takes while RJH’s parents are alive. It’s not the only trip of the year. I doubt her employees would be saying “you’re going to Switzerland again??” if it was a once a year sort of deal they wouldn’t think she had a man. They even say “it’s lasting a while this time”. Come on who in the world would think it’s a relationship if their boss goes to switzerland for 2 weeks a year. It’s her favorite 2 weeks of the year because of it being uninterrupted time.

Well with her wealth and his determination, and connections via his family, I'm sure they'll find a way eventually, either it is his parents passing away (since it has been about 6 years between him going back to NK and the epilogue meetup), or him somehow getting a long term mentoring position at Switzerland. You’re telling me Dan’s mom a department store owner can swing to Europe anytime, and Se-ri who created a whole scholarship for her man can’t swing something in collaboration with Papa Ri?

I got the impression the student performing his song on stage was a full-time student in Switzerland. RJH is not studying abroad but is teaching NK scholarship winners. Seri has been traveling back and forth a lot but these two weeks are the longest continual time they have together.

When Seri first sees him in Switzerland she asks how dangerous his journey was, and he didn’t answer, just said he got on the wrong train but reached his destination. “Destination” implies a final location to me, not just a two-week stay. For two people who find it torturous to be apart for even a moment, destination would not have been thrown around like that. It could’ve taken his Dad some time to manage the politics to make a permanent teaching position with the National Symphony. He did see his son cry in the car after leaving her. That man is powerful, the 3rd most powerful man in North Korean. A political manipulation genius, a man always one step ahead of the others. He got his son and 5 people in and out of South Korea. You best believe he can make it happen. He’s not going to sit back and leave his only son living without his only dream. Plus RJH was never a flag waving patriotic North Korean anyway. He already expressed that he wanted to stay with SeRi in South Korea, have a child that looks just like her. It’s kdrama script writing 101 to not have your lead character mention a deep desire such as this one unless its foreshadowing or serves a larger purpose. And Park Ji Eun is no noob writer.

Let’s look at the way the show itself references fate and destiny. Regardless of how impossible it may seem, these two always managed to find each other again. Fate is pushing them together and is on their side. I don’t think fate wants them to meet 2 weeks a year. Fate didn’t make them meet in Switzerland, in North Korea, in South Korea, and in Switzerland again for 2 weeks a year for the rest of their lives. I can’t entertain that. A lot of people think that the epilogue on the hill and when she meets him for the first time again in Switzerland with the parachute are the same time frame. I don’t think so. I really do think the piano concert is the ending and the picnic is the epilogue. It’s years from then, when everything has been sorted about how to be together permanently and it’s a window in to happy every after. Just look at their body language and expressions in the last scene, they are totally at peace and seem to have gotten everything they wanted. Even the music radiates peace. Listen to the lyrics of Sigriswil that play as the camera pans out “wandering this strange night, won’t you be here by me? now I hold your hands, with you I’ll be alright...how does it feel, my friend? It’s been a long day and night” THEY ARE NO LONGER WANDERING ALONE THAT IS THE POINT. period. It was a “long day and night, but now I hold your hand” ... how does it finally feel to have your happy ever after....my friend. IT REEKS OF OPTIMISM and closure. In film making the atmosphere says everything about what is unsaid in the script.

You best believe he won’t leave a stone unturned to be with her, see her grow old and live in the house of dreams with their twins. Just the fact that he vocalized this thought in the show leads me to believe that it did indeed happen.

Believe in what the show is telling us to believe. What it’s showing us, not telling us even. That love will always find a way.

Cloy’s ending also reminds me of very heavily of (spoiler) that of “my love from the stars”. It was written by Park Ji-eun, the same writer as CLOY. So yes they are forced to be apart in that show too, but he finds his way back and each time they meet its for longer and longer and its implied that one day it will be forever. If an alien could find a wormhole to make it back to his love interest, north korea isn’t looking too bad. Same thing with her other star crossed lovers show “legend of the blue sea”. The mermaid finds him again against all odds and they live happily ever (plus a baby). Hey I’m just saying that the precedent has been set on how this seperation works through our writers own works. Having seen all of Park Ji Eun I know exactly how she structures her endings. It’s almost always the same. The mermaid made it back, the alien made it back...north korea is where we draw the line? They’re only apart for awhile till they figure it out, and they work hard to do so.

Whatever this image is from TVN left it unaired. They shot something they had to pull back. My crack theory brain says she looks a bit pregnant. Actually, that ain’t even a crack theory, I stand behind it. Son yejin is so slim, and judging by the material of the dress it just wouldn’t fall like that unless they were trying to make her look pregnant. Like LISTEN, just LISTEN to me. They put in the effort to get the actors in these outfits we have never seen before, they even gave seri flowers...whY?? There are no other purely promo shots that didn’t have footage attached. The only ones I can think of are the ones they took in front of a greenscreen for the photoframes inside their house. THIS WAS A REAL SCENE THAT WAS DELETED. South Korean dramas pre-film certain scenes (like the swiss ones) and live film the others to make slight changes to the storyline based on audience reaction. During airing there was quite a lot of political backlash a la north korea.

There are some stills TVN released that weren’t screencaps. But ALL of them were in outfits relating to scenes we have seen, such as this one. It just would make no sense for them to go out of there way to get this image on the jam packed expensive swiss schedule and not just do greenscreen in korea like they did for all the other promo material UNLESS it was a real scene.

So you want more evidence for plot points that indicated the original, unaired, together forever in Switzerland ending?

Let’s look at some details, at one point in Episode 14 when Jeong Hyeok's father is meeting with the bad guy Senior Colonel who tries to use photos of Jeong Hyeok in Korea as a bargaining chip, he says "You should retire quietly. Using your health as an excuse won't raise any suspicions." now whilst this may be a casual reference to him being old and that health issues are plausible, it's also possible Jeong Hyeok's father has had some long term illness they've not mentioned which would add to why it wouldn't raise suspicions.

The main reason I thought of this is it would sort of line up with some other details, in the finale when they're deciding whether to send them back or not, at the NIS briefing they mention how the North has requested keeping it quiet and confidential, they mention "They want the confidentiality term to be five years. They're being sensitive about it because one of them is a high-ranking officers son". Then if we fast forward toward the end when Se-ri is receiving the timed messages, a year passes after her birthday message from Jeong Hyeok, after that scene we see Jeong Hyeok having his farewell meal with the townspeople and preparing to leave after being accepted as a pianist for the National Symphony Orchestra, presumably around the same time as Se-ris birthday given that scene was right before. Se-ri then comes up with her Switzerland Music academy idea probably a few weeks or month or so after she read RJH's text about meeting and then it tells as it's one year later, Se-ri waits but doesn't meet him and returns home, her mum says "It breaks my heart to see you return in disappointment every time" which if that's a correct translation it means it's been more than once by this point. Add up this entire timeline....guess what it comes out to. FIVE YEARS. That’s how long it takes them to sort out a permanent solution for their problem.

When he chooses to defect it will be much easier for him considering he’s making trips to Switzerland already. All he would have to do is walk into a South Korean embassy in Zurich. They have an open door policy for North Koreans, he doesn’t even need to cross the DMZ again.

You want even MORE proof? Okay my friend, I’ll bite. Why are there photos of a couple with children?? Honestly come on I really don’t have to say more.

They had to leave the ending open. Due to the political situation, they couldn’t exactly show RJH, a North Korean, defecting. Pretty sure our buddy Kim Jong-un would not be chill with that. However ridiculous it is, the show had multiple attacks on it while it was running by political parties saying it violated the “national security act”.

The ending was clearly cleverly re-edited to be less explicit so the viewer can read between the lines but the show-runners can protect themselves from lawsuits and public sentiment regarding a sort of maybe illegal situation. If you believe they met for two weeks a year for the rest of their lives, you don’t know RiRi Ri-eally well ;)

#crash landing on you #cloy #yoon se ri #ri jung hyeok #ri jeong hyeok #hyun bin #son ye jin #kdrama #binjin #dooly #riri couple

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sprawa-przybyszewskiej · 3 years

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I cannot claim to know about this play more than some others (Ewa Graczyk, Jagoda Hernik-Spalińska, Kazimiera Ingdahl and Maria Janion, in alphabetical order, are the official Horsewomen of the Apocalypse in this topic), with a lot to bring to the table, and so I will sometimes discuss parts of it which are - at the very least at the first glance - absolutely and doubtlessly simple; but by discussing them I hope to be able to bring into the discussion some new material, new evidence, perhaps - for the contrary of the popular belief.

I remember when I first read the scene between Danton and Robespierre, I was completely mystified, just as Maxime. To somebody who at that point knew nothing about the historical events, the exchange between them was very logical (and everyone knows how hard it is to obtain, especially in a piece of media where the author blatantly favours one of the characters over another). I am very glad then, to be able to say that while Przybyszewska did everything she could to humiliate and belittle Danton in the more visual aspects of the scene - his gestures, movements, actions, mimicry, even the sound of his voice etc. - she didn't bother making him out to be a complete clown. His arguments are populistic, but that's not necessarily a bad thing when you're n politician aspiring to be even more than that. Perhaps she thought that painting him out to be a weakling would somehow diminish Robespierre's awesomeness, which is a valid concern. For Robepsierre has little left to do in this scene - it is made out to ba a confrontation between them, of sorts, but is it one, really? I don't think so, not for the large part of it. Robespierre comes in, dishes out few sarcastic lines, looks at Danton with disgust and contempt and then crushes him in a yet another sarcastic line and then leaves. There isn't that much he can do not only to participate in the exchange, but to be visually and audially appealing to the audience as a character in a play. And even though we all know staging The Danton Case is a secondary affair, the main thing you can do with it is to read it and ponder over it, when you do stage it, a lot of responsibility rests on the actors recreating the part. Which is why choosing a good actor can, potentially, make all the difference, sometimes going as far as completely changing the way you view the very same scene you read earlier.

I have always assumed by "the same man" they meant Robespierre. It makes some sense in the light of the conversation, altough I have to admit it makes little sense in the light of Robespierre's reaction. The question thus presented to us is: do we go by what is written, do we percieve a play as a piece of fiction in a real world, OR do we immerse ourselves in the fictional world, suspend our disbelief and for a moment treat it as an alternate reality of sorts?

Polish director Jan Klata has managed to put on stage a compelling retelling of The Danton Case and I would like to present to you a scene from his version, which we're lucky enough to have on YT, with translation courtesy of @that-one-revolutionary. I've seen the play in its entirety: some metaphors were heavy-handed to say the least, some aspects I wish he'd done differently, but all in all, when choosing the main protagonist, the director casted in the role a truly splendid actor (please note that Marcin Czarnik was young. Young! It made all of the difference and it's worth watching if only for that), who brought home some of the points of character of Robespierre's which could have easily been brushed aside in order to highlight some other aspects of the conversation (the most famous example of this would be the very same scene from Wajda's movie, where the appealing and in all aspects imposing Gerard Depardieu dominantes the scene, thus presentign it in a very different ligt). While it can be read as a political statement, or a match of two great personalities, or a display of cunning on either part, Klata (or Czarnik; it's hard for me to say what the director tried to do with it, a lot of Robespierre's quirks, mimicry, gestures etc. seemed to come directly from the actor, which I can only say because I've seen him in other things and that's sort of his style of acting; all in all, I'll try to treat this not as a discussion over this particular staging, because for that I lack needed data, but it's unavoidable in the long run at least at some points, so please bear that in mind) treats the conversation itself as a minor thing in comparision to what is going on in Maxime's mind at the moment. Just look at this: there is no significance brought into their meeting, no change of the scenery, nothing indicates this meeting is special in any way. The logical conclusion is, then: it's not special. Both Danton and Robespierre seem to treat this as a step which cannot be avoided, but which bears no great weight either. The only reason they agreed to make this step altogether is - for "the same man". For Camille.

I do think Przybyszewska's intention was actually to disguise Maxime under this vague title. If this is a play about love - as I will always state it is - she wanted to underline the fact some people will be hatefully loved by those who are beneath them, who have nothing whatsoever in common with the object of their affection simply because the loved one is so great, so genius, so shining and bright it is impossible not to love them. I think this is the relationship between Danton and Robespierre (that is, on Danton's part) up until this point in the play. Danton idolizes Robespierre against his will (against both of their wills, really), because Robespierre is truly made out to be a demi-god at the very least. If you could team up with a hero like this, you should. So Danton goes through a humiliating process of trying to reconcile with Maxime, because humiliation, if everything paid off in the end, would be worth it. That Robespierre doesn't reciprocate the affection is simply a further proof that he is above Danton in every way.

Klata-Czarnik duo seems to have gone into another, subtler direction though. The man that both politicians make an exception for seems to be Camille, moreso because Robespierre loves him than because Danton has any special feelings for him. What is his relationship with Camille, anyway? They are cordial enough, but always a bit on the edge, and we know that Danton doesn't know everything that Camille thinks and feels in regards to Robespierre, mostly because he doesn't care that much, but also because he is characterised as a brute, and this simply goes above his head, it's too subtle, too delicate of a feeling for him to know it. It is also clear he knows Camille pretty well, but he doesn't know his soul, so to say. Therefore, he cannot actually love him, not to the point to make him the one and only excpetion from his otherwise coldly and precisley calculated plans.

Is there, however, a scenario in which Camille could be Danton's exception? Yes, when it becomes more about Robepierre than about Camille. When Camille is sort of offered as a mean to lure Robepierre in. Danton could make this exception only if it meant getting what he wanted (which is later mirrored by his blatant admission that the only reason he lets Camille take the fall with him is to deny Robespierre any joy in life after this point).

Robespierre, however, doesn't see it this way. He actually makes the exception for Camille and I think Danton's words – whatever he means by them, whichever interpretation we think is correct – put him on alert, for the fear of having his secret discovered. In the video linked above it is even more than that – once Robespierre hears Danton indirectly name "the same man", he gets aggressively defensive. For him to have someone like Danton talk almost openly about what he treats as his personal secret (a secret that Danton, being in great familiarity with Camille, could potentially know for certain) is equal with defiling it. I have violated your secret. Do you know what he says in the original? I have raped your secret. It really brings into the focus how much “the secret” needs to be protected, and how much it will hurt Maxime once it’s uncovered and destroyed.This is what he fears pretty much for the entirety of the conversation, his suspiscion somewhat confirmed when Danton says: No catchphrases, Robespierre. I know you.

As I mentioned earlier, the shift in my reading of the scene was prompted by the video. It is worth observing what exactly does Robespierre do when mentioing Camille by surname – he gets visibly more upset, he ponders for a split second for the best way to talk about him. His choice of words is interesting as well:

Both translations here are poor and I quite like what that-one-revolutionary did with it. "Katarynka" is a music-box, so "an instrument" fits much better (not to mention the obvious English connection to the phrase "play like a fiddle", which is adequate here). A parrots is after all a living being, something with a will of its own, if steered by more powerful handlers. But admitting that Camille, from his own free will decided to go against Maxime and everything that Maxime believes in is much harder for Robespierre than calling him an inanimate object, which can be unwittingly used by people with their own agenda. That leaves Camille almost blameless, perhaps careless and foolish, but not responsible fo anything that has transpired.Calling him names serves another purpose as well, which is to steer away the suspiscion that Robespierre protects Camille becuase he cares about him in a special way. He knows there are Danton's accomplices turning ears by the door, so he doesn't want to give himself away with his care and concern.

Ultimately, what do you believe, whom do you think they were referring to I think says a lot about what you think about Maxime's state of mind at the time. Danton's too, though, it can be used as a litmus test whater or not you believe he was honest in idolising Robespierre and offering him his adoration and obedience. In some stagings it will be presented as true, in some as a lie, and that's the beauty of adapting a piece of literature, there are so many options, all blooming from the same roots.

#sprawa dantona #the danton case #L'Affaire Danton #stanisława przybyszewska #stanislawa przybyszewska #maximilien robespierre #maksymilian robespierre #kamil desmoulins #camille desmoulins #georges danton #jerzy danton

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shortnotsweet · 3 years

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The Allegory of the Tin Man, the Dictator, and the Knight: a Dissection of Ironqrow and a Character Arc of Failure

“There lived in the Land of Oz two queerly made men who were best of friends. They were so much happier when together that they were seldom apart.”

— L. Frank Baum

A brief Ironqrow meta and character analysis of James Ironwood, the ultimate screw up, in three parts.

I. Qrow and Ironwood’s Homoeroticism in Canon Source Material and its Translation

II. Ironwood’s Repressed Characterization and the Inherent Chivalry of the Dictatorship

III. Ironwood, Alone

Qrow and Ironwood’s Homoeroticism in Canon Source Material and its Translation

Within the Oz series, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow are layered within homoerotic subtext, even if it is included unintentionally. Tison Pugh’s analysis Queer Utopianism and Antisocial Eroticism in L. Frank Baum's Oz Series posits that the land of Oz as portrayed within the series is a largely asexual environment of suspended adolescence that involves the deviation of binary gender norms, and of performative heterosexuality. Pugh refers to it later as a “queer utopia”. Men are portrayed as a lesser military force to women, and heterosexuality is a flimsy presence at best; all signs of procreation within Oz are stifled. While this could be chalked down to Baum not wanting to get into the subject of sex and exploration in a children’s series, it does contribute to a particular tone with real-life critiques of capitalism and a particular deconstruction of gender norms. Ozma, who will become the ruler of Oz after the Wizard and the Scarecrow respectively, for example, is originally a boy named Tip (the name itself holds phallic implications) who is “transformed” into a girl. The strongest military force is one of all-women led by a rebellious female general. Pugh observes, “At the same time that Baum satirizes...women as leaders…he consistently depicts women as more successful soldiers than men, and female troops appear better capable of serving militarily than male troops…[the] male army comprises of twenty-six officers and one private, and they are all cowards…” and cites the Frogman’s declaration that “Girls are the fiercest soldiers of all...they are more brave than men, and they have better nerves”.

RWBY itself isn’t opposed to this kind of subversion, either in its characters or its relationships. There’s an obvious effort to include LGBTQ+ representation (albeit primarily in the background), strong female characters are prevalent and make up most of the main and supporting cast, a character’s gender is not strictly reliant on its source material, and BlackSun, while cute and a valid ship in its own right, is treated as a heterosexual red herring to Bumbleby. Additionally, there have been a lot of hints by the voice actors, writers, and creators on social media that Qrow himself is queer, the infamous Ironqrow embrace included.

Admittedly, if I wanted to write an essay about the likelihood of Qrow being LGBTQ+ or having some kind of queer identity, I would probably focus more on his relationship with Clover, which had a lot more overt and probably canonically intentional Gay Vibes, and despite having known Qrow nowhere near as long as Ironwood has, it has just as much, if not more, to extrapolate. Unfortunately, that’s not the main point of this essay, although it remains relevant. While I personally don’t doubt that Qrow has had sex with women or experiences valid sexual attraction to them, I get the feeling that it is, to a degree, a performative act and a masculine assertation of enjoyment intended as a coping mechanism. It plays into the trope of the handsome, tortured alcoholic (best exemplified, perhaps, in the MCU’s Tony Stark, Dean Winchester in Supernatural, and critiqued in the superhero episode of Rick and Morty) who sleeps around just to recall the feeling of intimacy, or because he associates sexual ‘degradation’ as a reflection of his worth. Real self-deprecating, slightly misogynistic stuff. Qrow’s recall of short skirts, as well as his brief exchange with the waitress in an earlier volume, reminds me of one specific interaction between the Scarecrow and his own love interest. Within the series, the Qrow’s source-material counterpart, the Scarecrow, has one canonical love interest, the Patchwork Girl:

“Forgive me for staring so rudely,” said the Scarecrow, “but you are the most beautiful sight my eyes have ever beheld.”

“That is a high compliment from one who is himself so beautiful,” murmured Scraps, casting down her suspender-button eyes by lowering her head.

Pugh points out that the two of them never develop this relationship further than flirtation, and heterosexuality is reduced to a “spectral presence” lacking the “erotic energy [driving] these queer narratives in their presence”. Specifically, Qrow never reveals a serious or long running heterosexual love interest - he is not the father! [of Ruby] (despite much speculation that he and Summer Rose were involved) and he and Winter never really moved past the stage of ‘hostility with just a hint of sexual tension’ - and there is no debunking of potential queerness. His interactions with Clover (deserving of an entire essay on its own) seem to support this interpretation, and is more or less a confirmation of some kind of queer inclination or identity. Again, the “queer utopia” of Oz comes at the cost of the expulsion of the sexual or the mere mention of reproduction - still, through this device, same-sex relationships gain a new kind of significance with the diminishing nature of heterosexuality. Speaking of queer narratives, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man have the most tender and prolonged relationship of perhaps all the characters in the series, exchanging a lifelong commitment:

“I shall return with my friend the Tin Woodman,” said the stuffed one seriously. “We have decided never to be parted in the future.”

Within the source material, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow voluntarily live together, and are life partners in nearly every sense of the word. The second book in the Oz series is The Tin Woodman of Oz. In summary, the Tin Woodman recalls that he had a fiancée before the events of the first book, forgot all about her, and now must search her out so that they can get married. Who does he ask to accompany him in this pursuit? None other than his no-homo life partner, the Scarecrow. Although this sounds like a stereotypical heteronormative storyline, “this utopian wonderland...rejects heterosexual procreation...First, the Tin Woodman does not desire...Nimmie Amee...” and even acknowledges that due to the ‘nature’ of the heart that the Wizard had given him, he is literally incapable of romantically or passionately loving or desiring Nimmie, and by extent, women in general - to me, that works perfectly as an allegory for a gay man who is literally incapable of experiencing legitimate heterosexual urges, but ‘soldiers on’ out of obligation and societally enforced chivalry. “The Tin Woodman excuses himself from the heteronormative imperative...Only his sense of masculine honor, rather than a heteronomratively masculine sex drive, impels the Tin Woodman on his quest to marry his long-lost fiancée.” Again, Ironwood’s character follows the lines of propriety within the sphere of the wealthy elite, and his persona as a high-ranking military man and politician, as well as the conservative values instilled within Atlas, prioritize duty and obligation. This kind of culture is stifling and in a lot of ways aloof, as the upper class deludes itself into believing that it is objectively better and more advanced than its neighboring territories. *ahem the myth of American exceptionalism ahem*

“There lived in the Land of Oz two queerly made men who were best of friends. They were so much happier when together that they were seldom apart.”

I think it’s funny that the characters that Ironwood and Qrow are based off of are canonically the closest of friends, who coexist almost as a unit. In contrast, the first introduction we get of Ironwood and Qrow is a hostile exchange where they’re at each other’s throats, never on the same page, and never in sync, not when it matters. Indeed, Qrow snaps at Ironwood for his lack of communication, which is a recurring issue between the two of them on notable occasions. If the source material is anything to go by, there should be a significant relationship between the two of them, or at least some kind of connection, even if it goes unspoken or unacknowledged. To be fair, in RWBY’s canon, I think there is.

I’ve seen this joke that while Qrow hates the Atlas military, the only people he really seems to flirt with is Atlas military personnel. “Ice Queen” is something I interpreted to be partially hostile, partially mocking, and partially flirtatious, in equal spades - the voice actors and creators have indicated that it was flirtatious, and there was a whole Chibi episode dedicated to the concept of Qrow and Winter’s extrapolated sexual tension, albeit in jest. I might argue that his use of abbreviates aren’t reserved for people he dislikes, but for people who bring out his playful side. “Brat”, “Pipsqueak”, “Firecracker”, and “Kiddos” are all drawn from a place of affection, however short or mocking it may seem, because that’s what crows do: they mock others.

Qrow has little nicknames for people; while it’s not exclusively a sign of affection, I do get the feeling that ‘Jimmy’ is an informality that irks Ironwood, but can also be interpreted as Qrow giving James what he needs, rather than what he wants.

Glynda is by no means a pushover, but in assuring him that while he does questionable things, he’s still a good person, she’s softening the blow and probably further enabling deeply rooted and pre-existing traits, many of which contribute to his problematic control complex. It is established early on that Qrow resents the military (as he should), and it is implied that he’s spent a fair amount of encounters harassing and provoking military personnel (Winter being the most evident example of this), and has insulted the military numerous times to Ironwood’s face. He lectures Ironwood about the way he conducts his operations, his inability to communicate, and basically what a complete, inconsiderate asshole he really is.

What Ironwood needs is someone who operates outside of the pretense that he works, breathes, and lives under, and just tells it like it is. Jimmy isn’t all that - he’s a person, just like the rest of us, and he can flaunt all the titles that he wants, but James stripped down is still just Jimmy.

Qrow also is the kind of person who pries, who is insistent, and not particularly sensitive. For someone like Ironwood who has a lot of (physical and emotional) barriers, logically, in order for him to receive genuine understanding, Qrow fits the profile of someone who is invasive but not exploitive, who sees past the cracks in his armor and takes him for what he is. What is just important is that whoever Ironwood is with is someone who makes him want to try not only to be better, but to be real; thematically, General Ironwood seems to have a great respect for but a deep struggle with authenticity. He clearly resents the ignorance and frivolity of Atlas’s wealthy elite, as evidenced by his support for Weiss at the dinner party in announcing that “she’s one of the only people making any sense around here”, while struggling to project the facade that he’s carefully created.

See, we don’t have evidence that there is something going on between Ironqood and Qrow so much as we have enough evidence to inconclusively say that there’s not not something going on. I think there’s enough evidence to support the idea that something could be going on, or was going on.

When Qrow saves Ironwood at the Battle of Beacon, who is under the false impression that Qrow believes him to be the culprit of the attacks, his eyes follow Qrow and we get a closer shot of his awed expression; we the viewer can only imagine what he sees as Qrow arcs through the air and slices down a Grimm from behind his back. The focus on Ironwood’s expression portrays something like shock (so Qrow wasn’t trying to attack me after all, but then what the hell is he doing?), maybe wonder (I can’t take my eyes off of him, I can’t look away), maybe respect (I know he’s a good Hunter, but I’ve rarely seen him in action), but it is unfiltered nonetheless. In a show where fight scenes are vital to the progression of the story itself, the dynamics of these fights are at their best when they are character driven, whether it is revealing or reinforcing something about the characters and their relationships, or it is deciding their fates. There’s something to be said about characters being given moments together in battles, and what that says about the significance of their relationship. The best example of this might be the battle between Blake and Yang vs Adam; it served to give Adam what he deserved, help Blake and Yang reach closure in certain aspects of their own trauma, and solidify the bond between the girls. Similarly, Qrow and Ironwood’s moment is meant to reveal a theme that will later be revisited in volume 7; trust. Ironwood is startled but not shocked when he believes that Qrow distrusts him to the degree of attacking him, and is ready to attack or defend as needed.

Qrow tells him what he needs to hear, more or less: YOU’RE A DUMBASS. Ironwood is, indeed, a dumbass. While he does extend the olive branch of trust and good will to CRWBY and co. this trust is highly conditional and proves to be, while from a place of desperation and sincerity, at least partially performative.

When Ironwood snaps, he snaps hard.

Amber’s voice actress tweeted early on, joking that Qrow has two Atlas boyfriends, and Arryn has made comments, too. It’s one of the older ships, and the crew is certainly aware of it (“...extended chest bump...”).

Kerry has stated that he finds the Ironqrow relationship interesting, and wishes it had been explored more (additionally, allegedly lobbying that Ironwood’s arm in the Ironqrow hug scene be slightly lower). I’m not saying that they’re going to both make it out alive, or canon, or even that romantic subtext was intentionally woven into the script. All I’m saying is that I think their relationship is interesting too, especially when the subtext of their source material relationship is taken into context, and the way their characters are positioned is suggestive of some sort of compatibility, even if it is a hit or miss kind of opportunity, and I have the sinking suspicion that it was missed on both accounts.

The Tin Woodman of Oz concludes,

“All this having been happily arranged, the Tin Woodman returned to his tin castle, and his chosen comrade, the Scarecrow, accompanied him on the way. The two friends were sure to pass many pleasant hours together in talking over their recent adventures, for as they neither ate nor slept they found their greatest amusement in conversation.”

Ironwood’s Repressed Characterization and the Inherent Chivalry of the Dictatorship

“I don’t give a damn about Jacque Schnee...what about the other two? Do not return to this office until you have Qrow Branwen in custody.”

“And that’s not all we’ve lost...I had Qrow in my hands, and I didn’t do what needed to be done.”

Observe: Ironwood, at this point, does not care about politics. I doubt he’s ever wanted to, or ever liked it (if his tired outburst at the dinner party is any indication) but his Knightly qualities (we’ll get to that) have, up till this point, prompted him to adhere to them for both power and etiquette. James surrounds himself in a world that he understands and despises; more than anything, he’d like to be a general, a commander, and the Knight in Shining Armor archetype, because warfare is something he understands. It is a testament to his (superhuman) willpower that he forces himself to become fluent in the language of politics, and to live and breathe in it. To clarify, Ironwood sees himself as a man who does what needs to be done; if he wants to change and control Atlas, he will have to involve himself in its politics.

Likely, his resilience has contributed to the way he views himself and what he deserves, as someone long-suffering and almost martyr-like, a silent hero doing what needs to be done. But at the moment, he’s lost his goddamn mind coming undone. He’s murdered and jailed his political dissent (and might have considered executing prisoners), but at this point, that’s all that Jacque and Robyn are to him. First he dismisses Jacque, narrows it down to the two escaped prisoners, and finally reveals what’s really on the forefront of his mind: Qrow, free and out of his hands.

[ When recalling this dialogue, please do so while imagining a bad recorder cover of the Titanic music playing over the background. Here is a sample. ]

In the most recent episode, Ironwood seems to have gone off the rails even further. The fact that Winter, his most faithful lieutenant, is losing her unshakable faith in him, says a lot about how hard he’s fallen off the deep end. In Winter’s mind, I think that she sees him almost as a surrogate father figure, or at least a patriarch who can be positively compared to Jacques in every way. The previous volumes go to lengths to compare the two as adversaries and showing James in a favorable light; Winter is in her own personal horror right now, because she is beginning to understand that Ironwood is a man who may not be her father but is just as susceptible to corruption, and may have been that kind of person all along. Skipping over the...ah, genocidal tendencies, and the fact that he’s proposing to kidnap Penny’s friends to force her to obey him and likely is starting to realize that Winter is the perfect bait (let’s just say that “Ironwood is not good with kids” is the understatement of the year) Ironwood wants Qrow back (in captivity), I think that it’s significant that while Ironwood registers that Robyn is gone as well, his first priority is Qrow, probably for two reasons. On one hand, he still refers to Qrow by his first name, instead of the formal Branwen. Of course, that doesn’t have to mean anything at all. They’re colleagues within the same age range, both members of the same secret brotherhood and similiar skill sets.

On the other hand, it reminds me of the moment when Qrow and the kids first fly into Atlas, and they see the heightened security, and Qrow mutters, “James...what have you been doing,” under his breath, sounding concerned, apprehensive. He’s not addressing the kids, he’s talking to himself; he regards James much more seriously both as a potential threat and a friend than he’d rather the other know, and I think that James’ focus on Qrow at this point is similiar, only not only is this a sign of them knowing each other well, but of Ironwood’s slipping control. He offered Qrow his trust and camaraderie, his last attempt to keep a handle on his humanity (or, his heart). Qrow, in return, withheld vital information, got close with another operative instead, then allegedly killed him and and escaped ‘rightful’ imprisonment.

The Tin Man is offering Qrow his heart, at least proof of it, and the Scarecrow [and co.] steps back to observe the situation, and assesses that no, what you are going to do is wrong, and I cannot agree with it.

Ironwood is not an objective person, as much as he wants to be. He’s angry, desperate, scared, and humiliated. Worst of all, he’s rebuffed, and he’s taking Qrow’s escape personally. First, he understands that Qrow is a threat. He’s Ozpin’s best agent, he has years of field experience, and he knows too much, probably more than James knows. Second, they have history.

My personal interpretation of Ironwood is something this:

He’s a sad, sad, lonely bitch. What Ironwood longs for, just like his source material counterpart, is a heart. He will go to any lengths to achieve this, because he believes that he has self awareness and therefore is able to check and balance himself. He treats his subordinates well, is diplomatic, skilled in a variety of trades, fighting the good fight, and longs for the affirmation that yes, he is a good person, and yes, he’s had a heart all along. He just strays from the path, and loses his way.

This is symbolically represented by his partially mechanic exoskeleton; we have no idea how far the cyborg extremities extend, or how deep, but we do get the visual notion of humanity in conflict, or a man’s soul deconstructed and split between the cold efficiency of machinery and the very real warmth of a human body. Ironwood wants to appear human, and benevolent, and genuine, and in return, loved; he is human, and he could be all of these things. If my reliance on the source material holds any merit (although I highly doubt it), then there is also a potential struggle with sexuality, (Glynda herself even explicitly and exasperatedly references a testosterone battle between Ironwood and Qrow, suggesting a regular overassertation of masculinity) and a further incentive to achieve love and subsequent acceptance.

To clarify, I do believe that there were less-than-subtle allusions to Ironwood and Glynda having a vaguely flirtatious history, taking their shared scenes and background dancing into account, but this, again, does not “debunk” the presence of queerness within a narrative; it could be an assumption of heterosexuality, or performative itself, or just not an exclusive interest. Besides, Ironwitch isn’t what this essay is about. I’m not trying to persuade or dissuade someone of the notion that Jimmy is gay, or straight, or something else, only that the potential ambiguity exists. What I do think is most important is that James doesn’t openly ward people away, not when those people aren’t under his command and are technically outside of his jurisdiction. He’s friendly with Glynda, tries to extend trust to Qrow, is kind to people in the aftermath of battle, and overall clings to diplomacy as his first weapon. He wants to be accepted, to be liked, and to be welcomed. This is not an outrageous want, nor is it uncommon. Unfortunately, Ironwood’s understanding of love and acceptance is entangled within the concept of control, and he associates unquestioned compliance with this Want.

Ironwood’s introduction into the series shows him being openly cordial, and very considerate, especially his interactions with Glynda and Ozpin. He’s a gentleman, he’s apologetic, and, as Glynda assures him, he’s a “good man”. She doesn’t really elaborate on what a “good man” is, exactly, but we might presume that a “good man” is a person with good intentions, who strives to do what’s right, regardless of his options.

Here’s the thing - one similarity between Ironwood and the Tin Man is that they both have the capacity to love, but they fool themselves into thinking that they don’t; before the Wizard gives him a ‘heart’, the Tin Man suggests that he is only kind and considerate to everyone in Oz because he believes he needs to overcompensate for what he lacks, and is therefore doubly aware of how he treats others. However, the Wizard knows no real magic, only tricks and illusions, and what he gives the Tin Man is essentially a placebo that enables the Tin Man to act towards and feel about others the exact same as he always had, only with the validation that what he feels is authentic. Similarly, Ironwood has always had the option to be empathetic and not fucking crazy open to collaboration, which he’s very aware of, until his own paranoia cuts into his rationality and compels him to cut himself off from all allies and alternative perspectives. He then uses his difficult position and responsibilities to justify unjustifiable actions, to rationalize irrational urges, and to gaslight and brainwash his subordinates into compliance.

The Tin Woodman knew very well he had no heart, and therefore he took great care never to be cruel or unkind to anything.

“You people with hearts,” he said, “have something to guide you, and need never do wrong; but I have no heart, and so I must be very careful. When Oz gives me a heart of course I needn’t mind so much.”

Qrow sees through this, however, and not only seems incapable of following orders himself, but disrupts the decorum that Ironwood is used to. In return, I think we see a little more of James that he’d like to reveal.

“If you were one of my men, I’d have you shot!”

“If I was one of your men, I’d shoot myself!”

In case this entire ass essay doesn’t make it obvious, I do really ship Ironqrow. I’m open to other pairings, definitely, but this one in particular is just more interesting to me. It feels more revealing, more subtle. I have more questions.

In hindsight, maybe the dialogue example above ^ didn’t age well, considering where they’re at, but I do like how their professional animosity is flavored with a kind of camaraderie, and understanding. This exchange isn’t exactly playful, but they’re taking each other seriously - and, like repressed schoolboys, taking the piss at each other in a childish way, and isn’t that part of the fun of banter, when they’re so focused on each other that they forget to act their age? In a lot of ways, this is a really fun dynamic to watch. They’re opposite-kind-of-people, which I like, at least on a superficial level, and I can easily imagine them tempering each other in ways that would make them ultimately happier people.

They even look well-coordinated, with similar color schemes that lean on the opposite sides of the shared spectrum (white, grays, reds and black); I think the decorative design on Qrow’s new sleeves are supposed to be more ornate simply to communicate that Qrow is committed, and willing to be sentimental, but some viewers have suggested that it resembles the pattern on James’ weapon, Due Process (the revolver is based off of the Tin Man’s pistol, although, curiously, in The Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow was the only character to carry a pistol, and the commentaries suggest that the 2007 Tin Man miniseries was the “basis of the allusion”. Does that mean anything? I don’t know. Probably not.). Still, it raises the questions: who was in charge of designing the team’s new clothes and gear? How much input did Atlas get, and was this intentional? Personally, I think that the vine-like pattern on Qrow’s sleeves also bear a resemblance to Ozpin’s staff, a subtle reaffirmation and foreshadowing of his allegiance in contrast to Ironwood, but I digress.

They can also deliver that UST kind of banter that takes up their attention, and get up really close to each other, in each other’s faces, and just be pissed, which I think is very sexy of them, mhm. Enemies to Colleagues to Reluctant Friends to Lovers is a trope that I very much appreciate. Gaining some sort of common ground at the Battle of Beacon only to reunite, tired and battered, after the shit has already hit the fan? Slow burn kinda vibes.

That hug between them was something genuinely vulnerable and a sign of Ironwood letting his guard down because he is tired as fuck. It also was uh...kinda fruity.

Ironwood approaches closer, and Qrow scratches the back of his head, a characteristically nervous gesture that he’s made before; it’s a nervous twitch, manufactured nonchalance. He has no idea what Ironwood wants, but he does know that Ironwood wants something. James is the one to initiate the hug, and Qrow startles and even freezes up before relaxing into it. He seems suprised, but gives the bisexual eye roll of grudging fondness. This is out of character for James - Jimmy - but Qrow doesn’t think that Ironwood is a bad person. He leans into the hug, and the camera cuts out before they separate, suggesting that they probably end up standing there for a long ass time. You can also see from the side shots that it’s a close hug; their torsos are pressed up against each other, front to front, and there’s not a lot of wiggle room. James must be really goddamn depressed. It’s a long, manly, intensley heterosexual hug. Like I said, kinda fruity.

Other people have analyzed the hug shot for shot, so I won’t get too into it, but I think that it was intentionally left as a double red herring; some people thought that maybe he bugged Qrow, and after finding out that he didn’t, we were forced to conclude that this is a genuine olive branch. To find out that Ironwood is sincere but was still susceptible to corruption is that second subversion that I didn’t really expect. I hadn’t prepared myself for it, at least, and neither did Qrow. I wouldn’t go as far to say that Ironwood’s descent into fucking craziness paranoia is triggered by Qrow not ‘reciprocating’ or something, but I do think it’s interesting how the volume opens up with a signifigant interaction between Ironwood and Qrow, only for Qrow to spend the rest of the volume homosexually bonding with Clover, while Ironwood basically has no one as emotional support (again, his subordinates do not have the power or the place to be viewed as equals and the veil of formality is one of isolation). Qrow initiates nothing further, and nothing further happens.

Ironwood’s downfall, in a thematic sense, is that what he Needs is a heart, and when he gets that chance to demonstrate tolerance and empathy, James ultimately rejects his Need (a heart) and his arc reverts into one of villainy. To be specific, Ironwood is essentially a fascist dick, and that is not very sexy. (Speaking of dicks, the thought of Ironwood’s dick makes me laugh. I bet in the RWBY universe, people have made memes about that. I do not accept criticism because I am correct. Anyway,).

Dictators are charming, charismatic, and one of the pillars of their method is absorbing potential political opponents into their own administration to reduce the threat of rebellion, to appear openly tolerant to their supporters, and to further consolidate power. A good example of this would be Mean Girls, which runs on a comedic commentary of dictatorships as a political structure of power. I hate to compare James Ironwood to Regina George, but Regina’s posse includes Karen and Gretchen, two of the only girls who might take away from the authority she holds over the rest of their school, both in their wealth and attractiveness, and Cady’s interesting backstory and conventional attractiveness is the main reason Regina draws her into her own sphere - because she detects a potential threat. Much in the same way, while Ironwood likely has good intentions, his efforts to win over team RWBY and co. - including Qrow himself - is a logical way to consolidate resources. His willingness, at first, to cooperate with political opponents (ie Robyn) is because he’s not inherently evil, and he has nothing to lose. It’s when he is openly opposed and diplomatic gestures no longer hold the necessary weight that he snaps.

In one really interesting meta about Ironqrow’s archetypes (that I reread occasionally just because I really love it), @onewomancitadel posits that Ironwood is framed within the archetype of the Knight in Shining Armor, which should inform us of the moral consistency of his character. The meta was written around the beginning of volume 7, I think, and obviously we have a lot more character development and information to go off of now, but I think she makes a really interesting point about the nature of parallels and how that might help drive Ironwood as a character. I love her analysis of the visual of Ironwood stepping out of an airship wreckage, onto the street, the smoke billowing around him to reveal his cyborg prosthetics, and of the intentional framing. Once his uniform is stripped back, we see a man who is literally half-armor, which could be indicative of a lot of things. He’s emotionally guarded, he’s used as a human weapon, and he wants to be a line of defense. In her words, “The symbolism is really obviously put into perspective of his actions in trying to do the right thing: in the flesh (his true physical self) he is literally a knight in shining armour. From the ground up. Even if it's unseen or distorted by his uniform, his nature is still true.”

While Ironwood clearly has gone down a darker path in the most recent volume, I think this analysis holds true in a crucial way. “Ironwood is working with different information, and he’s doing exactly what he knows: stick to his knightly virtues, even disgraced.” Disgraced, indeed. Ironwood is holding onto his knightly values, and doing what he believes is right. If not right, he believes that it is necessary. The problem is that these values are manifested within Atlas’s sociopolitical-military culture in an inherently toxic way - his response is, at this point, neither rational nor empathetic, but it can be explained partially due to his cultural (flawed) understanding of justice, and because of the extenuating circumstances. The harsher the conditions become, the more difficult it is for anyone to project a facade that is not sincere at its core. If James is to uphold his Knightly virtues, he needs to be a protector, a leader, and a servant all at once while operating under limited intel with dwindling trust. All he has left are the few key players still in his grasp, and the control of the people he is responsible for.

To digress: generally, knights take an oath. It could be to a King, or Lord, or some noble, but Knights are supposed to operate on a code of honor, and chivalry, and to uphold these values throughout the land as an extension of whoever they have pledged themselves to. The story of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is a really good example of the way that, back in the day, chivalry and honor was supposed to place knights on a moral high ground compared to the common people.

In the middle of a celebration in Camelot, an obligatory tradition that has since lost real value but is rehearsed because Camelot fears that failure to uphold traditions that once had meaning is disrespectful, a Green Knight interrupts the celebrations and offers a strange challenge that boils down to a fight to the death. Gawain volunteers because accepting this challenge is what is expected of him, and Arthur would be humiliated if his knights, supposedly the best in the world, would not rise to the challenge. Gawain - and to a certain extent, the rest of Arthur’s knights - are fickle, in a sense, because their adherence to this code is performative, and it allows them to delude themselves into moral superiority and lie both to the commoners and amongst themselves; their identity as knights is based on a falsehood. Gawain is offered the first blow, and after beheading the Green newcomer, is horrified to see him become reanimated and immune to mortal blows. He invites Gawain to receive his own - likely fatal - blow, and gives him a time in which to meet, before promptly leaving.

Throughout the story, Gawain is tested in a variety of ways - in his final test, he fails, and allows his greed for self preservation and the fear of death to lead him to lie to his hosts and proceed to his meeting with the Green Knight under dishonest pretenses. While he is spared at the last second and becomes a better person (after it is revealed that Morgan le Fay orchestrated the ordeal to spook Queen Guinevere) - and by extent, a truer Knight, by the end of the story, the superficial and hypocritical nature of Arthur’s court is still in question, and still unanswered.

See, the entirety of Gawain’s trials was a test, not necessarily for him, but for Arthur and his court as a whole. Morgan wanted to prove the fickle nature of Arthur’s knights. The Knights of the Round Table were considered the best in the land, and to discredit one was to discredit all. What use is tradition if the meaning is empty, what use is chivalry if it is performed for reward instead of merit, and what use is loyalty if it is blind and unearned? Returning to Oz, the Tin Woodman, or Tin Man, grew to be made of tin because his axe became enchanted by the Wicked Witch of the East to sever his own body parts instead of the lumber he tried to cut down. A nearby tinsmith replaced each amputated limb with one of metal, until his entire body became tin and his meat body had been entirely discarded. Something to note is that Nick Chopper’s, (General Ironwood’s) wounds are technically self-inflicted. Each time he swung his axe, he made the decision to continue, knowing of the end result each time. In losing his bodily functions, the Tin Man believed that he had lost his humanity and ability to love.

The tragedy of his origin story draws a pointed correlation to Ironwood’s current dilemma; his unwillingness to stop, his self-imposed isolation, playing into the hands of the witch, and finally, the decision to let go of his ability to love remain consistent throughout both stories.

Watts even refers to Ironwood as a “Tin Solider”; a reference to the Tin (Woods)Man, no doubt, but could also evoke a soldier clanking around in metal armor. Ironwood is a Knight in Shining Armor, through and through. He wants to save the world, but at the terrible cost of civilian autonomy and possibly life. The problem is that he’s pledged himself to a discriminatory and hypocritical system, and his code is something that can easily be misconstrued by fear ( @disregardcanon ), much as Gawain’s own values. The Tin Man is, after all, still a man, and if we’ve learned anything from real fairytales, it is that men are fallible, whether or not they are made of metal.

Ironwood, Alone

he’s a lonely bitch

I know I f- up, I'm just a loser

Shouldn't be with ya, guess I'm a quitter

While you're out there drinkin', I'm just here thinkin'

'Bout where I should've been

I've been lonely, mm, ah, yeah

— Benee, Supalonely (2019)

You do get the sense that Ironwood is riddled with self-loathing conflicting with pride, with self-doubt clashing with competence, and that he is the kind of person who longs for things without verbalizing. Maybe his dad never paid enough attention to him as a kid. Maybe he suffered some terrible physical and emotional trauma, which might as well be assumed, given the extensive nature of his cybernetic limbs. Maybe (probably) he’d be more well-adjusted and would’ve made better decisions if the people around him trusted him and were a little more open. To be fair, though, he is the one at the wheel, and he is making the calls; no one else is to blame for his mistakes, and to pretend otherwise is to deny him accountability. I think we do enough of that in everyday life, in excusing powerful men of their responsibilities. To his credit, I do think he wants to help people. I think James also wants to project the personality of a leader who is stoic, controlled, and measured. He is charming when he wants to be, sympathetic when it suits him, and influential in just the right areas. He is not a sociopath, but he is a politician, and in a lot of ways, those are the same thing. We see in his brief flashes of temper, often prompted by Qrow, or most notably by Oscar, that this is not a calm, stable person. This is someone is on the verge of exploding, who is so fucking angry that he is not in control that it’s killing him, and so he is going to lash out and kill the things that are not within his grip. If the people beneath him will not reciprocate the heart that he offers, then he has no real use of it. James Ironwood does not begin this story as a bad person. This is a tragedy, in however many parts it takes.

I read, in one very smart and very put-together analysis that I cannot find and properly credit at the moment, that part of Ironwood’s (many) failures can be seen in Winter, and how, like Ozpin, he has appointed a woman as his talented, no-nonsense, second chain in command at his right hand. In this way, Winter is an intentional parallel to Glynda, who is, without question, a bad bitch. In theory, surrounding yourself with strong individuals is a demonstration of self restraint, in implementing your own checks and balances. James wants to project that he is powerful, yes, but he is reasonable.

I take this to mean that, to some degree, even if it’s unintentional or subconscious, Winter serves to boost Ironwood’s ego.

The issue with this is that within the inherently hierarchical structure of the military, Winter cannot question, undermine, or challenge Ironwood in a way that is particularly meaningful and their relationship is one of commander and subordinate before colleagues or equals (link to a fantastic post about Winter’s role as the Good, Conscientious Soldier by @fishyfod). Whereas Glynda is free to argue with, converse, and be as combative as she needs to be with Ozpin (although their power dynamic is arguably one of commander and subordinate albeit informally), Winter cannot temper Ironwood effectively, and through the illusion of equality, Ironwood is further isolated.

His head and arms and legs were jointed upon his body, but he stood perfectly motionless, as if he could not stir at all.

Dorothy looked at him in amazement, and so did the Scarecrow, while Toto barked sharply and made a snap at the tin legs, which hurt his teeth.

“Did you groan?” asked Dorothy.

“Yes,” answered the tin man, “I did. I’ve been groaning for more than a year, and no one has ever heard me before or come to help me.”

The Tin Man needs oil to lubricate his joints; without it, he cannot move, and he is rendered helpless and inanimate. When Dorothy and the group find him, he is entirely isolated with no one in sight, and he has been there for such a long time that he has begun to rust. Similarly, Ironwood needs valued voices of dissent to keep him in check. His colleagues were able to serve that purpose in the beginning, and out of them, Qrow is the best example of someone who doesn't take his shit, openly questions him, and looks down on the performative decorum of the military culture that Ironwood is surrounded by. What Ironwood needs is to be flexible and adaptable; his Semblance, Mettle (heh, metal, very nice pun, RoosterTeeth), is a double edged sword in that it gives him supernatural focus and willpower - enough, perhaps, to flay/chop off your own limbs - but it blindsides him, and is only further prolonging his pain.

There is a lot of sympathy to Ironwood’s character, as much as I’ve ragged on him for being an authoritarian, kind of a dick, and bad with kids. There are moments, such as the previously mentioned dinner party, where he shows his colors a bit, and when he assures the students at the Vytal Festival that there’s no shame in leaving before the battle begins, and in giving Yang a prosthetic arm before her father even has to ask. As far as Generals go, it seems that he’s seen soldiers come and go and understands, at least in his best moments, that not everyone is the same, and not everyone has power of unflinching determination to rely on. Ironwood performs his best when he tempers himself because he understands himself, and others. It’s when he fails to self-reflect that his hypocrisy shows through. Glynda points it out, too, as does Qrow; Ironwood advocates for trust but often fails to give it himself, going behind Ozpin’s back, being absolutely shit at field communication, and now the whole fascist, borderline-genocidal keruffle he’s gotten himself into.

I think that Ironwood reaching out to Qrow was his ethical last stand, his last chance and conscious effort to choose the right path. Qrow is unequivocally an equal, not like how Ozpin is the Big Boss, the authority that James becomes disillusioned with and tries to overthrow. He wants someone to trust, desperately so, and Qrow wants that too, but narrative subversion has hands. The Scarecrow and the Tin Man have no brain and heart respectively, and are in need of them. As it turns out, Qrow is actually a pragmatic guy with solid principles angled against authoritarianism, and Ironwood is a dick who would rather enforce martial law than to empathize and tame his military-shaped boner for one second.

I might conclude that someone like Qrow might be best for Ironwood, but that does not mean that someone like Ironwood would be the best for Qrow. Qrow has a brain after all, but Ironwood does not choose his heart when it matters, case in point. Even the intro of the current season features Salem and Ironwood on a chessboard; his white pieces are disappearing, dissolving into dust, as hers transform into Grimm. Ironwood is isolating himself by depleting himself of allies. As this post by @hadesisqueer points out, Ironwood isn’t even positioned as King, the supposed commander, but the Queen, the most versatile player on the board that is so far underused, since he hasn’t moved from his spot. Ironwood’s refusal to unify against Salem is his failure to strategically utilize the best resources that were available to him; soon, the pieces will be swallowed by the dark.

James is guilty of something that a lot of us are guilty of: doing a Bad Thing for what we have convinced ourselves is a Good Reason, when in reality, it is actually a lot of Very Bad Reasons. James Ironwood is a Knight archetype, through and through, and he is charging forward to do the right thing. He is afraid, he is lying to himself, and he will never surrender.

“All the same,” said the Scarecrow, “I shall ask for brains instead of a heart; for a fool would not know what to do with a heart if he had one.”

“I shall take the heart,” returned the Tin Woodman; “for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.”

Dorothy did not say anything, for she was puzzled to know which of her two friends was right, and she decided if she could only get back to Kansas and Aunt Em, it did not matter so much whether the Woodman had no brains and the Scarecrow no heart, or each got what he wanted.

The lesson of James Ironwood is a lesson of failure, and of the way that we succumb to fear, because that is Salem’s agenda, really, in the end: fear. It’s the negative emotions, fear being first and foremost, that draw in and empower the Grimm, and it’s fear and uncertainty that causes chaos. It is when Dorothy’s friends give into their fear that they are truly defeated. FDR’s assertion that “The only thing to fear is fear itself” holds true here; it’s not so much that these characters are afraid of losing their lives, their loved ones, and of the dark, but that they do not have the love or the resources to be brave for themselves or for others.

Qrow as a character is introduced as one who is already defeated, in a sense. Half of his team is gone, dead or estranged, he’s forced into the shadows of espionage to protect a world he knows is darker than it should be, and he’s fighting a losing battle with alcoholism. As charismatic as he’s written, he’s referred to as a “dusty old crow”, a hunter of renowned skill but past the prime of his life.

Dorothy’s three titular companions are defined by what they lack; in the same vein of the Disney I Want song (a main character’s main monologue song in which their wants and desires that motivate them throughout the rest of the film is laid out in song; ie Part of Your World, Reflections, How Far I’ll Go), the Lion, Tin Man, and the Scarecrow want bravery, a heart, and a brain respectively. RWBY relies on flipping the script of its characters based on what the audience might expect from the source material; Ruby is not just a helpless little girl - her introduction is a badass with a scythe. The Scarecrow is a chronic alchoholic. Cinderella is a victim of abuse, and is also a villain who wants to set the world aflame. Subversion, subversion, subversion.

There are obviously parallels between the characters in RWBY and in their own fairytales to keep them in character, and part of the fun is spotting those clues and occasionally connecting the dots to anticipate the direction of the narrative and certain connections between characters and the significance of their arcs. While I’m not aware of Dorothy Gale’s RWBY counterpart, if she has already been established or is yet to be introduced, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that Ruby has adopted a Dorothy-eque persona and can act as a surrogate in a way. She begins as a sweet, naive child eager to join a world of color and excitement, who initially believes that she has “normal knees” and is thrust into a political scheme full of powerful and older players. She even has a small dog as a companion, Toto Zwei, who seems like an odd addition, since he’s usually sidelined and basically forgotten about except in a few spare moments, unless he’s there to draw further comparisons to Dorothy. She may not be from Kansas, but she is first helped by Glynda (the Good Witch), and later expects assistance from Ozpin, Qrow, and the later Ozian counterparts. I find it a peculiar detail that for Ruby to be Little Red Riding Hood alone, she is surrounded specifically by Dorothy’s companions. This, of course, only increases the importance of the relevance of the Oz series in particular and the characters that are borrowed.

In the case of Ozpin’s inner circle, Dorothy’s closest comrades (sans Toto) differ in crucial ways to their source material. (After finishing this essay, I found a much better, condensed explanation by @neopoliitan )

Disillusioned by the Ozpin, the Wizard (who has been projecting an illusion of a failsafe) and overwhelmed by the rise of the Wicked Witch of the West, Lionhart (the Lion), gives into his cowardice and ultimately forgoes the arc and redemption of his character from the source material; as such, he is by all definitions, a failure and a premonition, as Ironwood eventually follows. If RWBY is a dark take on classic fairytales, then it is only fitting that these characters are charred husks of their fairytale selves - these are people, and some people are selfish, scared, and cowardly, and they do not overcome these traits.

This is all opinion based, pure speculation. I have no idea what will happen in the next episode, and whatever goes down will be...shit will hit the fan. I’m under no delusions that Ironqrow is going to be canon in a healthy, tender, endgame sense. They’re both kind of losing their minds, and Ironwood is shitting absolute bricks. No, they’re going to try to kill each other, and I personally cannot wait for Qrow to cleave this man in two. (Not sexually, just, literally. Like, with a scythe.)

On that note, I think that the RWBY writers are good at callbacks, at drawing attention to their own connections, and if Ironwood and Qrow’s inevitable confrontation is scheduled, then it will include visual callbacks to Qrow saving James at Beacon, maybe shot for shot. Their visuals have only gotten better as time goes on, and I imagine Ironwood’s eyes widening as Qrow leaps through the air, scythe drawn, in recal of a moment so long ago when they weren’t on the same page, but they were at least on the same side. When Qrow brings the blade down, there will be no enemy behind him. Only Jimmy James. The difference between the two of them will be that Qrow isn’t fighting out of fear, but out of love, for what happened to Clover, and to what could happen to his girls.

Qrow’s reliance on alcohol, as well as his (mostly) feigned nonchalance is meant to fit with the motif that the Scarecrow has no brain, and, had he a mind to desire anything, would desire it most of all. His role is, also, notably, gathering intelligence for Ozpin (his character is also based on Munnin from Norse mythology). There is so much about Qrow that is an act and so much that is not, and I think that this act is born both from this motif and from his own cynicism, and the alcohol contributes to this act. However, he eventually gets sober after Ruby expresses legitimate frustration, and he understands that he’s putting their lives at risk. While one could say that he gave up drinking for the kids, I would argue that the kids - Ruby in particular - made him want to give up drinking for himself, to better himself.

While Lionhart and Ironwood betray the people depending on them, Qrow’s love for his nieces (and for the kids) allows him to deviate from this pattern. The answer to fear is perhaps not merely bravery - Qrow’s triumph is love.

Ironwood knows triumph in the context of a military state, but he’s backed himself into a corner. Soon he will find himself alone and friendless. Hopefully, his last stand will not be in vain.

#ironqrow #james ironwood #qrow branwen #rwby #rwby8 spoilers #rwby volume 8 #rwby meta #ok this is all just based on my opinion ok #like i ship ironqrow but ironwood is a dicktator if u know what i mean #he is probably gonna die but anyway #ironqrow meta #winter schnee #snowbird #also includes links and credit to other posts and metas #I just had to get this off of my chest ok

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