#it’s horrible i’m exactly that
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Okay, I don’t know if I’m looking too deep into this but this made me really sad and uncomfortable.
I mean, Jason could say something along the lines of “don’t kill the kid, kill me instead” but he said “I’ll do anything you want, anything”. Him repeating the word ‘anything’ wasn’t a stutter from the fear kicking in (they used ‘-‘ and ‘…’ to portray the stutter/ repetition of words due to strain/exhaustion). But this word was written so clearly as just a repetition to emphasize that he meant anything. What ever it is that he was implying, is very upsetting nonetheless.
Then the way Scarecrow held Jason’s face. That could easily just be a villain trying to make their victim weak, holding them firm, leaning in close-invading their space, and ensuring they feel vulnerable. Yeah okay I get that.
But then Joker walks in and calls Crane a pervert. And sure you can argue that Joker is just throwing names around. But this whole multi interaction caught me off guard and yeah maybe I’m reading too deep into it. Maybe Jason just felt helpless and spewed out words? Idk.
Whatever the situation was, still hurts to read. I don’t know, it just felt so wrong. Even if he wasn’t implying anything, Scarecrow and Joker are still taking advantage of a vulnerable person. Which obviously is awful and disgusting,
#I just want my poor boy to be okay for once#Oh also#People who throw around the term ‘trauma porn’ - Yes I know DC likes to do this sometimes#No I’m not trying to add some SA to Jason’s story.#I’m just telling you what my thoughts were when I read this#If people want to make it into a hc I get that it could add to an interesting story but Only if it’s portrayed accurately and with respect#Which is exactly what dc doesn’t do#I’ll admit that I love angst-I really do. But this was just horrible.#Fuck you batman#Jason wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for you#jason todd#red hood#batfamily#dc#dc comics#scarecrow#jonathan crane#dr crane#joker#tagging as sa just in case#Threat of SA#tw sa implied#sa mention#Red rambles#holy queue batman
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So…how we feeling about that news
#live action zelda film huh#why exactly are they doing it LIVE ACTION??#sorry but I don’t want to see a real guy running around in tights#I want my adorable little cartoon dude#and what about the plot?#how’re they gonna manage that?#are they gonna combine all the games#or just go with botw since that’s a widely known game?#ugh#I would be excited about this but…#I’m too afraid it’s gonna suck#doesn’t help that I feel like movies these days largely are horrible#or just plain bland#haven’t liked a new movie in a while tbh#trin rambles
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i think that if they do a whole “hurt the nice guy on the way to ur real love” thing with manny i’ll be a lil disappointed honestly. don’t get me wrong i still love gregory but i just feel like quinta and the team are more creative than that
#nothing has been exactly what we expect and I hope they continue to subvert those norms in the usually fun ways that they do#like I understand that Janine is finding herself and being selfish with her time and goals#and I’m very much here for that#but I think they can do that and explore whatever might or might not be there with manny and eventually Gregory#without being shitty to manny in the process#I just hate that trope in romance stuff#there’s absolutely something to be said for the importance and beauty of new experiences and yeah sometimes being with someone else#shows you what you really want#but there’s a way to do that without being horrible and gross#and I think if anyone can find it it’s Janine and Quinta#abbott elementary#janine teagues#ae s3
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NEVER before has COA wanted someone this badly
#This was genuinely a 10 second kite#I’M NOT EVEN JOKING#IT LASTED FOR EXACTLY 10 SECONDS#In my defense I spawned in a horrible spot with 300+ ping#And also the hunter was there three seconds after I’d loaded in#Anyways this has got to be a new record#idv#identity v#idv novelist#orpheus deross#idv coa#call of the abyss#idv orpheus
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I’m not giving the actual ask any attention by answering it, but to the person who sent me a hate ask calling me ableist for preferring Thornton over Matty, I prefer Patti’s attitude and overall character, and my dislike/neutrality for Matty has nothing to do with her disability. I actually love Meredith Eaton in her other media! She’s a queen! Hope this helps! :D
#and also her name is Thornton. not thirnton#some hate asks are actually so horrible but this is just so funny to me#I have neutral opinions towards Matty because I don’t think her personality is as well suited to the team as Thornton was#they have very different attitudes. and I just prefer Patti’s#both Sandrine and Meredith are absolutely gorgeous. and they’re both freaking queens#also- just to add insult to injury! I too am disabled and I know exactly how it feels for someone to discriminate against you for that!#(I’m severely sight impaired for the moots wondering)#so I hope THAT helps too :D#s things
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Last night I accidentally came across an uncensored GIF of Ronnie McNutt’s s**c*de.
I need to be wrapped like a burrito and snuggled ASAP.
#It was this Wikipedia parody page#And this gif was the HEADER IMAGE. the VERY FIRST thing you see when you open the page#Plus the article said that Ronnie was an “emo f-slur” and “pathetic loser” and all sorts of other horrible things#just FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU.#As if it weren’t enough that this man’s suffering and death have been joked about and memed so many times#I wasn’t traumatized exactly but definitely shocked#Anyways rest in peace Ronnie#I’m sorry you couldn’t find peace in this fucked up world#Also PLEASE DO NOT MAKE MY MISTAKE AND GO TO THIS PAGE IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO GORE AND BLOOD!!#Tw suicide#Tw suicide mention#tw blood#tw gore#just to be safe#random thoughts from Angie
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blender is the most frustrating thing in existence but it’s so so fun
#birdie rambles#it crashed like 5 times and ofc i’m horrible at remembering to save so i had to redo tons of shit#and it doesn’t look exactly how i wanted it to but#it’s something#i’m still learning 😌😌
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ok now i’m catching up with scar’s hermitcraft episodes and. i’m confiscating the word “private” from him and ren. i can only take so much. i mean seriously, “the impenetrable private area”??? like bro ffs. cmon now. that’s enough of that
#they know EXACTLY what they’re doing istg#it’s scar and ren ok. they must know.#i think a few episodes ago ren invited scar to a meeting in his ‘most private area’#and scar was like ‘oh i love being in your private area’#that literally took years off my life#it’s like the pain of a really horrible pun or dad joke but it never ends#they just. keep going.#i’m dying here#hermitcraft s9#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft scar#rendog#hermitcraft ren
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It’s funny that I can only read/write AT fanfic that’s both (a) canon compliant and (b) not too sad by my (very sensitive baby) standards, bc ofc those things contradict each other a lot
#OH and throw in there no smut#my library is so small 😭#some of my fics are definitely too sad but I wrote them so its different?#blah I did a lot of writing abt how I can’t write today abdbsbndnsb it’s making me mad#mostly just that I like to write until I realize that what I’m writing is horrible terrible disgusting shit trash#jus talkin#adventure time#I just love canon and especially post canon!!!!! it’s so good there’s so much there#I do have a draft of a regular world modern day au and it’s fun to think abt but .. canon is more fun#also I think things feel less sad in the canon universe bc they by nature can’t be 100% exactly like our universe#plus I love my girls being immortal (ish?)…. bubbline ♾️#sorry I’m so sleepy today I’m just sayin stuff how is it like almost early evening rn what’s hallenjng#I hate that I can’t write anything that has like. grit or whatever. like I feel like no one wants to read this elmo baby shit but me#(& i don’t like the way I execute it)#like I wish I could write stuff that’s idk. cool.#that’s it ahdbbdndn
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my projecting on to diasomnia is getting so bad. they’re basically becoming me at this point.
#but also i can totally see them doing these things in canon??#they’re just made for me i guess#i can’t describe what i was feeling cause it wasn’t exactly disassociating but it sorr of felt like that.#anyways regardless that went on for like a good 2 hours and after i went ‘malleus would do this’#malleus and silver seem to be my main victims. lol#honestly i think diasomnia is the reason my week has been so horrible 💀#i’ve been comparing them too much with my own life#like. they’re a dysfunctional family. just like my own. but like atleast they actually love each other??#i don’t know. i don’t mean to get venty on here#i’m okay just give it a few days#anyways. who’s excited for book 7.5!!!! i’m so ready and not ready at the same time#(um. reading through these tags. don’t perceive me hahahaahahaha)#god i don’t make any sense sorry
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god I’m not rereading chapters for this fic if anything’s wrong someone can correct me in the comments
#king’s court#grimmichi#Ichigo’s horrible no good very dead soulmate#honestly that might just be the real title at this point#but anyway#I’m skipping through the early parts of the Hueco Mundo arc because all I care about are Grimmjow’s appearances#but that means I’m. fudging details for the in between bits#when exactly does orihime get kidnapped?#not super relevant to this fic so who’s to say#Ulquiorra you’re great but I’m also not checking anything for you#or Urahara#everyone but Grimmjow you’re basically fucked I’m so sorry
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I hate when there is anger inside my body. I am very small and my feelings are very big :(
#it really just does not matter what I do huh#it’s spring break. I was up at 9:30 and happened to stay in bed for a bit and take my time showering and stuff#you know? cuz I’m on break? And can do whatever the Hell i want?#but apparently I was ‘sleeping all day’ according to my mom#and then she reminded me to wash my hair the next time I shower. which is code for ‘your hair looks like shit’#it’s like that one bit from friends where they’re having a funeral for the geller’s grandmother#and Monica’s mom is like “can you imagine being criticized for every little thing you do?#it’s amazing that I grew up to be the life-affirming person I am”#the joke being that she criticizes everything Monica does and is constantly trying to “fix” her#always criticizing her outfit and hair and life choices#like. that’s exactly my mother. and guess what? I fucking hate her!#and—this is a horrible thing to say I know—sometimes I wish she would just hit me#because violence and bruises are easier to spot than the covert belittling and the slow chipping away at my self esteem#all while under the guise of helping me#as if she isn’t insulting me and treating me like a mini clone of her or a goddamn toy to entertain her#she never wanted me she wanted a dress up doll#she doesn’t want nano she never wanted nano she wants a perfect girl who marries a perfect guy#and has perfect grandbabies#she’s tried to strip me of my boricua heritage in unassuming little ways#she’s tried to strip me of my desires and interests and emotions#she’s tried to ignore my trauma and logic away my mental illness#she has tried to destroy every part of me everything that makes me what I am#and she is the victim. the one with the woefully annoying stupid disobedient daughter#because i have resisted her attempts to mold me into something that I’m not#vent#im just so tired of trying to be the person she wants me to be and never being good enough#I’m tired of feeling trapped#I’m tired of feeling like an awful person#I’m so sick of her
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grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA
#kidding theres no way to fix it when it’s like this#everything i’d normally do to alleviate it makes it worse when it’s this bad#because it’s like wow look at you trying so embarrassingly hard to not look disgusting and failing miserably#i had to cancel my plans yesterday and today because girl i can’t go outside when i feel like this i can’t even get out of bed#looking at myself makes me want to VOMIT why do i look like this#i look back on old pictures of myself and try to work out what was different back then so i can replicate it#but people say i look exactly the same in those photos as i do now#and i remember taking those old photos and feeling ugly and dysphoric back then too#if i lean back into my more cis look i’ll get gendered correctly again which i want#but i don’t like playing cis man it’s not who i am and it makes me feel weird and gross#i just hate what i look like no matter what i do to my appearance#every single part of my physical self makes me feel really ill and anxious and bad and guilty#there’s not a single bit of me i can stand to look at when i feel like this#i feel like everyone who has ever seen me thinks i’m disgusting and ugly and horrible to look at#and i want to like hide forever but i can’t#it’s so hard to function like this#i hate everything about me so much#someone affirm my stupid dumb ass gender right fucking now i’m going to die
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Why do you hate autotune so much?
I don’t hate it i just think it’s lazy
#Like even I’m fine with ppl using it on studio recordings bc companies hardly ever tolerate anything least than perfect#But on lives too?? Come on man#It gets annoying and repetitive after a while#Also ion think some of u realize exactly how much auto tune does like there was a video on yt#Of this old lady getting recorded singing(very untrained lots of mistakes) and after some “basic pitch corrections” on auto tune#boom suddenly she sounds like a professional#also controversial but I WANT to hear the human in a singer#Ion give a shit if a singer gets out of breath during a performance it adds to the experience#I want to hear the emotion in their voice I want to hear them stutter and drop a pitch and make mistakes#Not just sing in all “perfecr notes” like a good damn robot#A lot of ppl argue that it’s hard to maintain good voice when dancing but believe me I do concerts n shii on my own too#And it ain’t that hard if u train sure there’ll be a little roughness here n there but u won’t become horrible suddenly#<- ion tryna say I’m better than all those pro singers bc mf be serious I rlly am fucking not#so if I can do that so can they!!!!
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the one time I went oh no it’s fine I don’t need my earbuds I don’t want to carry them how far can it be? is the one time when it’s a 2 hour round trip -_-
#i fundamentally misunderstood where exactly we were going#and i was for ONCE like oh no it’s fine I know I won’t ask#every other time I ask because I’m horrible with directions and places!!#and it turns out I was very wrong and we are going very far#i could’ve listened to so much wc book 2 in this time sorry everyone *sad emoji*#life is cruel
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uhh
#Today I realise I probably have a eating disorder#no I’m not starving or eating too much I just#have bouts of food insecurity#and horrible horrible parents I hate them so much <3#anyway I slowly realized that I’ve been more than happy to go without food for extended periods of time#and that my fast/slow eating and ARFID tendencies have mixed together in a horrible fashion#I’ve gone days without proper meals. I’ve gone so so many days without proper meals#I never realized that eating disorders could be related to inconsistent food access#I don’t claim to have any sorta normal type it’s a fucked up me thing#But it’s so fucked. I shouldn’t feel that any meal that’s “edible” to me is the only meal I’ll have for days#it’s just. So fucked. Starving is preferred to eating something disgusting#and these days that becoming more and more#I can’t become sick of beef I can’t if I start retching if I start getting sick#i’ll starve again#I just don’t want to anymore#I just don’t want to. I want to not worry anymore I want to never worry again#but I can’t I don’t know if I’ll have a proper meal I don’t know if tomorrow is the same#I tried so hard today and it wasn’t enough.#if I mess up one meal I don’t think anyone will eat well#and that’s exactly what happened again. And again and again#the utter despair that coursed through me as I knew no one would be able to eat#the sobs that racked me. And yet false promises from my father and yet again I’m exhausted#I’m made of plastic I’m strong but bend me the wrong way and I break#and today was that. I hate that I do these things I should be able to feed my family#but I can’t I let them down. I eat too much because I don’t know when I’ll have food next#I cry at wasting good leftovers because I don’t know if I can eat the next meal#and every single day I feel this deep shame for buying food for myself that’s more that 5$#I am so scared of not being able to eat again. Because it’s happened so often in my life#from when I was little to when I’m an adult#I can’t afford to get sick of beef I can’t I just can’t. If it happens I’ll starve worse than I did before
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