#it’s pretty and I kind of understand the heartbreak aspect

[headofocs-inklesspen]

Love when sad slow break up songs are written with so much figurative language and metaphor that until I’ve actually studied the lyrics I just genuinely believe that they are like mourning their life in general and then after studying the lyrics and realizing “it’s about an asshole who cheated actually and not about growing up too fast and the consequences of” I decide that “no I like my interpretation better”

“The singer is referencing the fact that their partner cheated on them” actually, I liked it better when I interpreted the song with my literal meaning of “I feel like I’m wasting all of my time of being physically young being forced to act overly aged and mature due to trauma and past experiences.”

[l4mplight]

Miquella and Trina; A Tragedy

Hey Tumblr. I have a lot of thoughts about Shadow of the Erdtree, and these ones... let's just say I don't think they'd do well on Reddit. It's not often that I feel particularly impacted by a particular fictional character. Usually I connect more with narrative arcs and themes, which is why I think I'm so drawn to the ephemeral, vibes based storytelling of Fromsoft's games. Playing through SOTE, though, I found Miquella (and St Trina) to be extremely emotionally compelling and relatable, and I wasn't sure exactly why. I think I've put my finger on it now though. First of all, know that I am writing from the perspective that Miquella is a sympathetic character. I know that it's not uncommon to read him as a manipulative Machiavellian villain, but I think that's both a misreading of the text as well as just plain boring. Like, he's not a Griffith clone you guys, give From some credit. Anyway, here we go.

"You have no understanding. Of Miquella the Kind. Of St. Trina's Love.

Content Warning: I'll be discussing themes of depression, and the implication of suicidal ideation.

So, a classic Fromsoftware theme is despair, and the ways we cope with a world full of it. It shows up twice in Shadow of the Erdtree; with Midra and the Frenzied Flame, where despair leads to a selfish nihilism that asks us to burn everything down, and with Thiollier and St Trina, who offer sleep as a comfort to the weary. Running a small errand for Thiollier has him say the following.

"If you find yourself… weary of the weight of this life, then just give me the word. Sleep is a balm, and eternal sleep… is an elixir."

Drinking the elixir he offers will, of course, result in an instant death. This is our first encounter with the idea of "Eternal Sleep," a more potent form of the sleep status effect that only appears here in the Shadowlands, after St Trina has been abandoned. The Velvet Sword of St. Trina tells us as much: "Silver sword of St. Trina, now stained the color of velvet. Inflicts eternal sleep. When St. Trina was abandoned, the faint, light-purple mists coalesced into an intoxicating deep-purple cloud." In order to ascend to godhood, Miquella abandons first his physical body, and then the more abstract aspects of himself. As we begin to descend down the fissure where we'll find Trina, a cross marks the spot as the place where Miquella abandoned his love. This connects Trina, "the discarded half" as Thiollier puts it, with Miquella's love. Leda confirms this in her own dialogue:

"St. Trina's love for Kind Miquella is boundless. She is, after all, his other half. Or perhaps her feelings go beyond even that. Even if she was left behind, I doubt her heart would waver."

Keep that in mind, it'll be relevant later.

Near the cross, a spirit offers up some of the most heartbreaking dialogue I've come across so far. The spirit gives us a bigger picture of Miquella's goals:

"Kindly Miquella... I see you've thrown away... something you should not have. Under any circumstances. How will you salvation offer... to those who cannot be saved? When you could not even save your other self?"

I teared up at this. The emotional impacted was aided by the fact that I ran into the spirit right after telling Moore to put his past behind him, leading him to rededicate himself to Miquella. He says:

"Hm. Maybe that’s Kindly Miquella’s love. Love for all the unloved. Love, to banish the pain."

Note here that Moore suggest Miquella's love will "banish the pain." This is also essentially what Trina's sleep does. It's a comfort to those in need. Anyway, between these two instances, we end up with a pretty good picture of the sort of god Miquella wants to become. He was already sympathetic to the outcasts of The Lands Between in the basegame, where he built Elphael and the Haligtree as a haven for those rejected by the Golden Order, such as the Albinaurics and Misbegotten we find there. In the Shadowlands, he has gone a step further. Hornsent tells us that he has committed himself, in essence, to righting Marika's wrongs.

"Miquella has said as much himself – he wishes now to throw it all away. He says the act – though undoubtedly painful – will sear clean the Erdtree’s wanton sin. The truth of his claim can be found at each cross. 'Tis evidence enough to earn my belief."

Of all of Marika's children, Miquella is the only one to see the serious flaws in her empire. Ymir points this out to us as well.

"No matter our efforts, if the roots are rotten, then we have little recourse. Ever-Young Miquella saw things for what they were. He knew his bloodline was tainted, his roots mired in madness. A tragedy if there ever was one. That he would feel compelled to renounce everything when the blame lay squarely with the mother."

My thinking here is aligned with Mother Ymir. You really have to feel for Miquella; he has essentially taken on, alone, the responsibility of making up for centuries of Golden Order imperialism. That's a massive burden to bear, especially for Miquella, cursed with eternal childhood.

(It's easy to miss, but Miquella actually ages up significantly when we see him in god-form. Until he steps back through the Divine Gate, he would have looked and sounded like he does in the introductory art and in ending memory scene. Compare those with how he appears in the boss fight, and it's clear godhood at least helped him reach puberty lol) So we've established that Miquella is the child of Imperial Rome on Steroids, is cursed with eternal childhood, and is an empathetic prodigy with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Surely his mental state is perfectly healthy, right? Right??

Final warning, this is where things get quite sad. Here is where I will try to tie Miquella's arc together with Thiollier and St Trina, and the comforting oblivion and relief from despair that sleep represents for them.

As we search for St Trina, we descend down into the Stone Coffin Fissure. This is a place of death, with massive coffins built into the fissure walls, and Gravebirds, Bloodfiends and Putrescent enemies everywhere. St Trina is found at the deepest possible pit of this fissure, in a swamp of putrescence that has since blossomed into a garden of deep velvet lilies because of her influence. Trina offers us nectar of "eternal sleep," as Thiollier did previously, and as established then, "eternal sleep" is essentially nothing more than a peaceful death. Trina seems to fit in quite well in this place of ancient dead things, with some of the ancient remains even being compelled to fight for her in exchange for eternal rest, becoming the Putrescent Knight.

(Side note for levity because we're about to get sad again; I love this guy. It's a knight made out of the skeleton of a horse, riding on that same horse's decaying flesh goop body. Like, ugh. Beautiful. Plus, it may even have taken that shape because of Trina sharing Miquella's memories of Radahn, who was never far from his horse Leonard...)

We meet St Trina in her garden, and when we imbibe her nectar, we eventually begin to hear her voice in our death-dreams. She seems to pity him. Mourn for him, almost.

"Make Miquella stop... Don't turn the poor thing into a god..."

Trina appears to be in a bad state after her fall. She can only manage to get a few words across to us at once. Just as Leda predicted, her heart hasn't wavered. She is only concerned with Miquella's well-being.

"Godhood would be Miquella's prison. A caged divinity... is beyond saving."

Trina's most pressing concern is that godhood will be a prison for Miquella. Now, this could in theory be because gods are subject to manipulation from the Fingers and the Greater Will or a similar reason, but given that she calls him a "poor thing," I think there is likely a more emotional reason behind Trina's plea. I think that Trina is speaking as the embodiment of Miquella's love, but especially his ability to love and care for himself...

"You must kill Miquella... Grant him forgiveness."

...and she asks us to kill him.

In excising Trina from his being, I think Miquella also expelled the part of himself that was able to recognize how miserable divinity would be for him, and how miserable he was. The part of him that was tired of carrying the responsibilities that his compassion demanded of him. The part of him that was exhausted, despairing and desperate from having failed to cure Malenia, failed to save Godwyn, failed to perfect the Haligtree. St Trina is the part of Miquella that wanted to be stopped, to rest, to sleep, to die. In abandoning her as he does, Miquella is essentially repressing those thoughts and feelings, replacing them with more "selfless" ones; self-sacrifice, suffering on behalf of others, his martyrdom and apotheosis. I don't want to forget about "grant him forgiveness" either. She might mean forgiveness for failing to become a god, for not being good enough to succeed Marika and right her wrings. Maybe forgiveness for failing Malenia and Godwyn, or for leaving the Haligtree behind. Maybe even for abandoning her. But on the road to godhood, Miquella can't afford to indulge in this sort of self-pity. A child craves forgiveness and approval, a god must cast these things out.

"I'm feeling rather lost. Haunted by memories. Of St. Trina. Her visage. Her scent. The lure of velvety sleep. Would Kindly Miquella chasten me? For falling for St. Trina, while knowing that she was the discarded half? The problem is… I simply cannot help it. I would sacrifice everything, just to gaze upon her, one last time."

I want to mention Thiollier one more time here too. His primary visual motif is the long white braids that he wears on his clothes, reminiscent of Miquella and Trina's own signature braids (remember, she looked like an older feminine Miquella before her fall and injury). Thiollier is obsessed with Trina, pursuing her to hear her voice and fade into the comfort of her velvet sleep, though this doesn't kill him like it does us. I don't think Thiollier is connected to Miquella in any textual way, but I think he does serve as a reflection of the sorts of thoughts Miquella may have been surpressing. The self-pity, the need for approval and love, the feelings of weakness and uselessness. These are the things that lead Thiollier to pursue endless slumber.

Thiollier doesn't give in to that despair, however. Though he initially takes St. Trina's words... poorly, he eventually realizes what must be done, and dedicates himself to his new purpose: carrying out her final wish.

"I am here to serve St. Trina evermore. I am deeply sorry. For doubting you. I am here only to grant St. Trina's singular wish. I will stop Miquella the kind. He will never become a god."

This post is already quite long, but I also want to mention the obvious gender stuff going on here. There are a number of moments that make it seem as though St. Trina might actually be more than just "half" of Miquella. Firstly, as she is shown falling in the story trailer, Leda is describing how Miquella abandoned his fate, as if Trina had a vital role to play in Miquella's future. It also seems as though Trina isn't cursed in the same way that Miquella is; her voice and size indicate that she is at least more substantial than his "infant form," and she is depicted in "adult form, somewhat unnervingly" on the Torch of St. Trina. Furthermore, her "adult form" has a third eye in the middle of her forehead. The third eye is a symbol of enlightenment in both Hinduism and Buddhism; it seems that Trina has achieved some level of wholeness in this depiction. Meanwhile, when Miquella achieves godhood, his eyes remain permanently shut. He also appears to have only one physical arm. He holds Radahn with two incorporeal arms while casting with his real right arm, but his left arm appears to fade away to nothing before the elbow, as if unfinished. Miquella's blindness and asymmetry here, I think, reflect how unbalanced and incomplete his divinity is without Trina.

One more hint towards St Trina being a part of Miquella's future lies way back at the Haligtree. In Malenia's bossroom, just above where Miquella's cocoon was once embedded into the tree, the branches and roots appear to form a silhouette. This could be Miquella, Trina, or both, but I do see a certain resemblance to Trina's depiction on the torch in the way the "hair" covers the eyes. Given that Miquella's body appears to have grown a decent amount inside of the cocoon when we see in at Mohg's palace, it's possible that the cocoon situation was his original attempt to cure himself of his own curse, or perhaps become a part of the Haligtree itself. In the Shaman Village, Marika's home, there is a similar scene. A woman's body that resembles Marika seemingly mummified within the hollow of a tree. I honestly have no idea what to make of that just yet, but I thought it worth a mention.

So, with all that in mind, abandoning Trina seems to be even more significant. Not only has Miquella divested himself of his love and his fate, but maybe even his future, too. Being eternally nascent, he is always in a state of potential, after all. Am I suggesting that Miquella is a transfeminine character? That he was meant to grow up to become a goddess in the aspect of St. Trina, or maybe even more like Marika than he already is? Well, maybe. If you find it compelling, then absolutely. Fromsoftware's storytelling is always ambiguous, and is always design to leave us some room to read and interpret, to really play in the space we are given. Personally, I do find it compelling in a horribly tragic sort of way, fitting for the setting. It's also entirely possible that I have rather self-indulgently projected some of my own angst onto these character. I likely have, to be perfectly honest. It's rare that I really connect with a set of characters or a story like I have with this lot, and I hope that maybe some of you reading this will feel similarly. If you have read this far, thanks <3

[n04hfiction]

Girl Dad Huskerdust HCs

Content/Warnings (If applicable) : fem!implied reader, profanity, daughter!reader goes to the age ranges of a young toddler to a teenager, brief mentions of alcohol + profanity

Proofread? : ✅

A/n : I think it’s a serious problem that I have parental HCs for nearly every Hellaverse character. I need to be stopped. (Or don’t, I don’t care)

Honestly, depending on your age, the “stricter” father definitely flip-flops here and there

For instance, when you are a young child, Angel is the “stricter” father, even if you don’t have the concept to understand what that entirely means, he’s the one who baby-proofs every thing while Husk kinda lets you run wild

But as you grow and get into your teen years, Angel becomes a lot more laid back, while Husk tends to be more picky about what he allows you to do

Mainly because Husk never imagined himself as a father, so in the beginning, he is sorta unsure, so for him, anything goes, but as you start to age he gets a grip and with that, comes strictness

When you are a younger child, Angel is 100% dressing you until you decide to do that on your own (part of him hopes you’ll let him dress you forever). He’s very protective of you when you’re a toddler/younger child, Hell isn’t always a safe place, everything even slightly unsafe or tempting is gated or baby-proofed

As you age, like I said, Ange is much more lenient. He’s ready to watch you rock the world! Wanna go out to a party? For sure! Be home by 2, go nuts! Have a crush? Great! Your old man will help ya out! Wanna get drunk as fuck? Fine, just do it in the house!

Honestly, Husk is a bit of a confusing father, to say the least. He’s lowkey freaked out by the idea of toddlers and younger children, so when you’re in your first few years he lets Angel take the lead, he kinda watched and observes his behaviors.

Which leads Husk to being more cautious of a parent as an adult (Learned from his hubby, that’s for sure). Even though him and Angel are far from over, he’s still very cautious about the idea of love, so he’s very sketchy about your relationships with boys (or girls! He doesn’t judge!)

When events like your first day of school, first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, first heartbreak, homecoming, prom, etc - You may think Angel is the one to get emotional, but it’s actually Husk - Angel is just as excited as you are, getting you dolled up and whipping out his camera to take pictures, but deep down, Husk is honestly sad that his baby girl is growing up - Especially cause he was too tense in the beginning to really enjoy your younger years

Seriously though, Husk is happy you’re a bit older, he feels like he’s able to have more of a connection with you. He likes it when you come to the bar and just sit there and talk, even if you’re only drinking a juice box.

Husk still doesn’t know how to talk with a teenager all that well, but he’ll ask you how school is, and how you’re friends are, he wants to show that he takes a genuine interest in the other aspects of your life.

Angel on the other hand is very eager to walk with you through your teenage years, he’s the dad that all of your friends think is cool as fuck, but you think he’s crazy embarrassing. He’s the kind of dad to also be friends with your friends. He’ll come in your room during sleepovers and do your friends makeup, skincare, nails, ect

Despite the fact that Angel does pretty much let you run wild once you get older, he’s very strict on safety, in every aspect. - He doesn’t want you to get fucked over like he did, and he doesn’t want that to destroy you, he really does try his best to guide you on a different path, any path that isn’t the one he fell down

[dearsholmes]

Autism movie/show deep dive and my very general thoughts on them!

(everyones different these are my own opinions as an autistic woman please watch for yourself and share any additional thoughts you have on them!)

Music (2021)

Enough said.... had to get this one over with 0/10

Adam (2009)

I found most of these movies to be outdated BUT I actually really appreciate Hugh Dancy's recreation of an autistic character (those who know him as Will in Hannibal would probably also agree). Even though originally I wasn't a fan of the ending I came to appreciate it that he wasn't 'saved' by romance and that it proved he was able to be independent and had great character growth while still respecting himself and his passions. I think it offered a decent insight to the different aspects of autistic joy, passion, while still including the difficult aspects with socializing, navigating relationships, grief, and meltdowns but now being overshadowed by them or 'becoming a problem'. However, I do love space so that could've also been responsible for my love for this movie. 8/10

Heartbreak High (2022)

I absolutely love Chloé Hayden who is autistic herself so her character in the show feels real and more relatable. Pretty much what I said about 'Adam' but to an extreme I think the script and character interactions are such a fantastic and understandable demonstration of what being an autistic women is like (granted everyones experience is different). Cannot wait for the next season! This show is such a great modern day representation and not based in stereotypes like others are 10/10

Big Bang Theory (2007)

I will never not defend this show - I know people tend to hate this because Sheldon is heavily stereotypical but I find him incredibly relatable as I do fall into a lot of these stereotypes myself. Once again everyones experiences are different so I don't understand why people write this show off completely. Love it 10/10

Atypical (2017)

Unfortunately I don't have much to say about this show in regards to his autism because the constant inconsistencies during scenes deserve their own post and were too distracting to focus on anything else. Another thing that upset me about this is that the show is meant to take place in Connecticut yet they filmed in one of the most recognizable aquariums in the west coast. This show probably could've been good if it was just made better/had quality control. The only thing I remember liking was the pros and cons list because I also do that. 4/10

Mozart and the Whale (2005)

I'm going to preface this one specifically that I know everyone's autism presents differently but I almost found her... offensive? I think this is because it was made in 2005 and is just outdated but I felt like a lot of the characters especially hers were more caricatures than characters. Sheldon being stereotypical is one thing but this felt kind of insulting? I'm having a hard time putting it into words. There were moments I liked though - it was a weird back and forth. 5/10

What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)

Other than the mistreatment/beating/abuse I actually am pretty fond of this movie. Once again, outdated. But almost... endearing in a way (minus the mistreatment once again). I hope anyone who has seen it will understand what I feel. I did find the love interest annoying but that is unrelated to this post yet I felt the need to warn you all, I don't like her. 7.5/10

My Name is Khan (2010)

I watched this movie six years ago in school before my diagnosis and I didn't even remember or realize he was autistic but I do remember having generally positive thoughts on this movie ?/10 (someone let me know if its worth a rewatch.

A Brilliant Young Mind (2014) ((also called X+Y))

There is a lot of downtime in this movie so it can be kind of boring but it is honestly one of my comfort/go to movies. Of course its the whole "autistics are math geniuses" thing but the movie itself I think is sweet. It shows his diagnosis, he loses his father, he has almost a fill in father who coaches his math, his mother is really supportive of him but not in a savior kind of way, he experiences going out of the country for a competition, struggles with socializing/overwhelm, romantic interests, and there is another character who is autistic and his struggles are also shown in a relatable way, nothings (in my opinion) is annoyingly over exaggerated like it sometimes can be in movies. 9/10

The Good Doctor (2017)

I never actually finished the show because the person I was watching it with kept making fun of me by relating myself to him. Since then I also haven't seen much of a positive reaction from other people either but please let me know your thoughts on it! ?/10

The Imitation Game (2014)

Alan Turing himself was autistic and so even though it's not a main focus of this movie I still wanted to include it because I love this movie! 9/10

Sherlock Holmes (timeless)

I have to also through him in here, obviously some versions are more autistic coded than others but I'm going to generally say all of them are great autistic representation <3 10/10

Not Dead Yet (2023)

Like in Heartbreak High, Rick Glassman an autistic actor plays an autistic character and I think its another great modern day representation. It obviously isn't the main focus but they honestly do a pretty good job being educational in regard to social situations/difficulties and explain it in a way that people can learn from. 10/10

Bones (2005)

I honestly can't remember if they ever say it but Temperance is 100% autistic and I think this is a very endearing show. Since its not the main focus I don't have much to say other than sharing my recommendation 9/10

Criminal Minds (2005)

I mean... enough said. I love Reid with my whole heart. He is very much the 'autistic genius' again but you can't not love Reid! 10/10

Community (2009)

Abed. Another one that doesn't really need much to be said about it. Abed is great 10/10

Dr Who (timeless) ((quite literally and figuratively))

Now this could be considered a reach or projection but Dr Who... autistic! simple as that 10/10

House (2004)

I had to just throw this one in at the end because its really just another version of 'Holmes' and 'Watson' now as 'House' and 'Wilson'. Sherlock, previously said as autistic means House is also autistic 10/10

[billfarrah]

If we do get a season 3, I could see it picking up immediately in the aftermath of season 2. No time skip at all; just right after Wille finishes his speech. The end of the season notably did not take place at the end of the school year (probably March-April whereas Swedish school ends in June). I know it’s ambitious because obviously it’d be a long time before they start filming, but who cares, other shows have done it.

I’d love to see a whole season of just Wille and Simon working on growing together as an actual couple and learning more about each other’s lives. I understand that the goal of season 2 was different - to show how two emotional teenagers react and respond to heartbreak and fluctuating emotions - but now that that’s out of the way I’d love to see more of them relating to each other.

Please, please bring back Simon’s family. Please explore how Simon’s experience as a marginalized person would be impacted by his circumstances. Since season 2 had such a drastic shift in character focus, I hope a potential season 3 would do the same, shifting back to Simon and his family, which was one of my favourite aspects of season 1 that was pretty lacking in season 2. Give Simon more of an arc outside of his relationship with Wille.

I have a hard time figuring out what kind of plot points a season 3 would involve, but I think character-wise there’s a lot they can do.

I’d also like to see a really epic redemption arc for Sara.

[chemicallady]

I LOVE YOU TO DEATH BUT I'M DROWING

Part 1

Couple: Noah Sebastian x Fem Reader

Content Warning: talking about sex; bondage, possible heartbreak.

Summary:  getting closer to Noah is like trying to give a quick look into an abyss; it's impossible not to fall down with all your certains.

And in the end, a firm decision must be make.

Taglist: @lilhobgobbler ; @aprosiacperson

A/N: no smut in this one, sorry for that but this is the last introduction chapter, I promise. I need to do more research on /the topic/ you will find out reading but I promise you this is the last slow chapter. From next one on, we all will be on fire 🔥

Thanks to all the kind souls who are reading my story. As usual, I don't know Noah, this is fictional and I respectfully don't want to offende anyone.

Maybe for someone, reader and noah could look a bit weird in comparison with many other ff; I love realism so those dialogues sounds 'possibile' in my head. As long as the situations.

Enjoy!

《 I was fantasising on binding you.》

Day off are so weird, sometimes. Becca and Mandy, the other two merch girls, bonded pretty quick and you feel a bit left behind when you woke up in the room you share with them and they weren't anywhere to be found. You can understand why they decided to spend their day off without you, to be honest. You all are I'm New York and due to the Blue Ridge Festival being last minute canceled, the entire crew gained two days off in the Big Apple. You're relieved from some aspects because that festival is HUGE and you don't like the idea of so many fans asking for t-shirt and ski mask for hours and hours under the sun. At the same time, you regret a little how you declined Steve invitation to organise a cozy dinner in his room with him, Mandy, Becca and Chris.

The reason of this decline is all Noah's fault.

Entirely.

《 Why are you looking at me like that?》

《 I was just thinking...》

《 C'mon. Spill the tea. I believe we have enough intimacy at this rate》.

Some kind of weird silence filled the elevator making the air heavy. Good job, y/n. You were able to create even more tensions between the two of you. More than then, this sarcasm is not helping. There is not such a thing as intimacy between the two of you.

Being fucked due to an excess of stamina before a gig is not like having a long walk in the nature, hands in hands.

It's rough and primal. Exciting but somehow dry. Emotionally dry, of course, because you feel nothing but wetness rethinking about all your encounters.

Noah is not answering and neither looking at you, and you have almost reached his floor. You take a long breath before speaking again. 《 I know I'm crossing some boundaries, but it's weird. We had some best buddies moments and them because I kissed you once, you stop talking to me and started to act pretty directly. 》

It's so frustrating being an extrovert who is trying to explain is feelings to an introvert who is actually not replying at all.

《 I mean, I really enjoy the fun time you give me, but it's not like I've pictured us.》

Oh that was too much. Why did you say that???

《 and I didn't actually pictured us. It was more like a chill situationship in my head because you gave me some vibes but-》

《 God dammit I was just fantasizing on binding you. That's it, y/n.》

The elevators doors open but you prevented him to escape the situation. 《 alright this is even weirder》, is you reply while you push the bottom to close the door again. And then the one to go back to the main hall. Your are not a shy person, at least not now. Not with the guy who apparently loves to fuck the shit out of you in front of a mirror. He blushes, try to say something else but you are too confuse to let him explain 《binding me to what?》

The doors opens again in front of Matt. He looks at you surprised but before even say a word, Noah pushes the bottom to close the door. Like you have just done. And again to floor nine. 《 to nothing》 his is answer. He is in distress, like is really hard for him to provide you a decent explanation. 《 just... tide you up. Your body is so beautiful and I'd love to .... tide you up. But you are right, it's weird.》

You can feel a certain amount of disappointment in his voice and even if you don't really trust him that much or know him enough to get the exact meaning of this, you can't help yourself but touching his arm in reinsurance. His eyes meet yours and you just get a bit closer.

You're not an idiot, this guy is buff and could easily tak advantage on you, but you have seen something trustworth in him; he has such a gentle soul hidden behind an armor used to denied his very own feelings. Even if he is avoiding you, he is still gentle when you two meet around. Maybe, you overthinked for days, he is just as uncomfortable as you are with your rendezvous with zero talking in between.

《 I don't understand what you mean, that's why it's weird》 , you tell him. 《 I don't think you are weird. Well, maybe a bit, but mostly I think you're hot》 , you continue making him blush again. Noah chuckles a little laught while the elevation door get open for the second time on his floor. 《 Its a weird catch up phrase, Noah-idiot. Asking a girl to be tied up.》

《 You are not wrong》 he replies, amused by the way you're making him confortable with jokes, before putting an hand to stop the doors from closing again. 《 But... I can show you what I mean, if you want.》

《 Now?》

《 if you don't have any plans for dinner...》

《... Show me the way, tho 》.

You know that Steve and Chris really didn't care that you decided to not show up for dinner, but the girls are pissed. Anyway no one bought the excuse that you felt suddenly so tired to attend the gathering. That's why you woke up alone in the room. Looking back at your night conversation, you can't really feel sorry for missing it. But it also has a bitter taste from some point of views. You hate to be the one who has to take decisions.

But Noah is turning your world upside down.

You've never felt that way.

He makes you feel like someone else is wearing your skin. His eyes are trustful and when he feels enough secure of himself - weird how someone that pretty can he shy and with a low selfsteem- he turns into this primal, feral seducer. You can't get enough of him. His mouth on your body, the grip of his hands, firm but somehow armonic.

It looks like he have studied how to be a beast in bed. And after yesterday, you only got solid evidence of this suspicious.

You have never heard about Shibari before. Your have always pictured bondage as a strainge kink, connected with pain and humiliation and you're not the kind of person who likes to be humiliated at all. But Noah is pretty clear about what he actually wants.

《 Shibari is a matter of aesthetics》, he tells you why showing pictures of naked women tied up with beautiful knots and intricate ropes combinations. 《 Its not even connected directly with sex. The schemes of the ropes are related with specific body points; every knots has a deep simbolic meaning. My intention is not to control you or humiliate you, but just having some visual pleasure of your pretty body.》

You rise your eyes, trying to meeting his, but he looks a but insecure. Like is costing so much to him to expose himself. 《 If its not sex, what I get in return?》. You decide to ask first, trying to not sound greedy. On the contrary. It's quite interesting.

《 pleasure. I'll take care of you. My intentions are aesthetical but I'm still a guy.》 It's sounds so wrong seeing such a shy guy talking about this stuff and them imagining him doing such intricate knot on your body. You can't help but feel you're getting wet already and that a shame. Every inch of feminish is taken away from you in the moment you can spend some time with Noah.

《 This have something to do with the fact that you don't want to kiss me anymore?》

Another important question and Noah can't avoid but oblige you an answer. 《 No》

The dryness in this simple one word make you sigh in frustration. You look at one last photo before handing his phone back again to the boy seated next to you.《 Did you take all of this pictures?》

《 Yes.》

《Have you made sex with all these girls》

《 I usually don't make sex with a girl who likes this kind of things. I can go to a dive bar and meet someone for that. To me, this is work of art. It's helping me through a lot of stress the tour is giving me. You are an exception because you kissed me and I lost my balance.... but I believe I need to get it back》

The oddly sound of a silent hotel room followed his last sentence. 《... if I agree with all of this, with the ropes and knots, we stop to have fun before the concerts?》

Noah let himself fall on the mattres, lost in his thoughts. You can tell he doesn't no for sure. 《 Maybe. I can't tell you for sure. But the choice is up on you; I want force you anyway. 》

Since the moment you have left his room, you can't stop thinking about him. About how intrigued you feel in letting him doing whatsoever he wants with your body. More than that, everything you have will be just a dream in the moment the tour will be over.

You have in front of you one last month with Noah and the chance to experiment something new.

But do you really want to be part of his photo collection and be remembered just as another chick he tied up?

It's not so easy to pick up a decision.

Especially because you like him, a lot. And losing him will be painful anyway.

[omegalomania]

hey gang what time is it its time for another joe trohman podcast. this actually came out like a month ago but i missed it until isa linked it to me and because i like doing these heres a highlights reel

the host says he appreciates that joe opened the book with the question of whether or not satan fucked his wife to which joe replies "well you know, when you have kids, sometimes you wonder that. you truly wonder what are these demons. i love my children btw they're phenomenal."

sometimes it does get tiring playing the same songs over and over. joe says that "thnks fr th mmrs" has a really good energy and tempo that keeps it exciting to play live

he talks about playing a really short iheartradio christmas show pre-pandemic and nobody in the crowd knew "sugar we're goin down" since they were only familiar with the more recent hits like "centuries" and "uma thurman" and joe said that it made him fall in love with sugar all over again in a weird way ldjfldkfd

he laments recently getting the chance to see wu-tang, nas, and busta rhymes at the hollywood bowl but he didn't go

his love language is giving gifts! he got his brother a custom drum set (which his mom attempted to throw out)

he reiterates that when writing the book he didn't want to be mean to any of his bandmates cause he likes them and thats not what the book is about! the host makes a joke: "like how you guys had that threesome with simple plan...i understand, you don't wanna get into that!" joe is offended that he clearly doesn't know how many guys are in simple plan. "there's more than three guys in there! the orgy was far larger than you give it credit!"

he doesnt remember any other names that the band could have been called but he does think fall out boy is a pretty terrible name for a band. "i can't believe i'm in a band called fall out boy."

discussions of the band origin and how joe funded it with his bar mitzvah money ("fall out boy, funded by judaism!") but when asked about financial gains from the band he says they all split everything evenly and it's one of the things that's helped them last this long

talking about scott ian and the damned things and he talks about how managing a supergroup is like herding cats because everyone is so busy with their respective groups. he says he'd LOVE to do a third damned things record though!

he talks about how weird it was to have this boy band aspect to them when they were at their peak pre-hiatus, because they were all hardcore kids and punk kids.

he recalls that around this time patrick asked their manager, with visible concern, "are we...the nsync to panic at the disco's backstreet boys?"

he's glad that they've outgrown that and kept pushing forward and looking forward, and by now they're no longer a boy band. "we're a man band!"

he thinks it's kind of neat to see the emo movement of the aughts become nostalgic and cool now ("it was not fucking cool when we were doing it [...] we stuck around for long enough to Not Be Lame"), but it's a big thing for fall out boy that they do not want to be a nostalgia act and they want to keep making new albums.

the host semi-jokingly says "so you and panic at the disco are not gonna go out on tour, is what you're saying." joe says "no" very flatly and i lose my shit.

he denies that fall out boy is working on any specific new music. he says they're just piecing things together organically and that no real album has coalesced. (note: this episode aired 11/12, ~2 weeks before the fob8 tribune ad)

he talks a bit about working with brian posehn on the axe and how much he loved doing it! he calls the whole story a metaphor for dealing with pain and trauma and the different ways there are to confront that stuff. he said the axe is coming out as a trade "soon" so people who don't have a subscription to heavy metal can read it

his first concert was tom petty and the heartbreakers when he was 10 or 11

he says the two things that matter most for a band's live show are the drummer and the singer. he then proceeds to be extremely sweet about patrick and andy.

"patrick, he's incredible, he's so gifted, and he's worked so hard with his voice lessons and figuring out how to sing from the diaphragm properly, and he really knows how to work through when he's sick and having real issues, so he's quite a trooper."

"and andy is just a great drummer. when he thinks he's had a bad day i'm like...yeah. sure. i don't think you know what that is."

he did not get laid in high school. first time was in a shared tour bus, listening to testament (a thrash metal band), when he was 19. (they never saw each other again)

since testament was the soundtrack the host asks if he ever gets a reaction whenever joe hears chuck billy (testament's lead vocalist). joe says without missing a beat, "when i see him i do, that's for sure."

he is an avid bowler. he has a wristguard and a spare ball and he used to take lessons. he calls it great stress relief!

[henghost]

Twig Liveblog for Arc 11

"too real" of an arc, as plague stories have taken on a special kind of resonance post covid. the plague itself, however, was very interesting. the imagery of red flowers bursting forth from people dying in agony was beautiful, as well as thematically congruent with the rest of twig: there is a potent sort of echo with the stories of the jamies, life flowing from death, ecstasy from torture. it's the circle of life, man....

the bulk of the plot, though, is taken up not by the plague but by running away from the mercenaries, which felt quite wormlike. the line between superweapon and superhero is thin. dog and catcher my beloved! the meeting between them in the bakery where they just start chomping on sandwiches was like the diner scene in michael mann's heat with deniro and pacino, just a few kings at the top of their games, separated only by the razor-thin barrier of the "law." man telling them that gordon had died, gordon who was one of the few people who had made the effort to understand dog--heartbreaking. i hope they end up okay, dog and catcher. a truer bond is hard to find in this story--they deserve to retire and love each other for the rest of time.

the like cynical camaraderie between experiments is really the crux of the matter. what is needed, in my view, is some pan-experimental solidarity. why don't the experiments, the largest, most powerful players on the field, simply eat all the other factions?

i already did a post on sy/jamie but that is the other major component of the arc. they love each other so much 😭 the tragedy of inhabiting sy's best friend's body, the feeling of betrayal, the love despite it all oh my god. tearjerking fr!!!

then the long duncan interlude had several incredible moments. he is really hateable lol but still pretty entertaining. the most grating aspect of his perspective is the way he clearly does not view the lambs as human. ashton et al are just another few dangerous experiments he has to tolerate to advance his career. also, it frames his lust for helen in quite a sleazy light. the detail about how he had to watch helen undress and popped a boner with ibbot watching and ibbot had to be like "😐 unacceptable, please leave" had me fucking dying lmao. i think it also explains lillian's rage (more intense than the other lambs') at him for betraying the lambs: the parallel between duncan/helen and lillian/sy is an uncomfortable one. i think it indicates that lillian feels a lot of guilt and insecurity about her position in society and her position vis a vis the lambs. when lillian and mary see sy again it might just be the most awkward moment of all time. i can't wait.

[etaindelaserna]

Hello....Because you also love shipping, can I ask your thoughts on these ships : GoYuu & SatoSugu (JJK), NaruSasu (Naruto) and ZuTara (ATLA)?

Hey! You can ask me anything✨

Let’s see…

GoYuu

Personally I haven’t dived into this ship yet but I can see why people are interested in it: whenever Gojo and Yuuji are together they seem to share on brain cell and are just one big doofus force to be reckoned with.

Him and Yuuji have the same energy and they just click on that level. There is no awkwardness, no uncertainty, they just understand one another. Also they don’t seem to have any concept of personal space whatsoever with each other. Then there is the fact that they have had their fair share of losing important people to “the dark side” and being helpless to stop it. I can see Gojo looking at Yuuji and comparing him to Suguru. And because Yuuji isn’t losing faith in his purpose as a jujutsu sorcerer, it might help Gojo to make his peace with the past. I see them as a fluffy ship for the most part. Gojo perfect at everything being completely smitten with and supportive of Yuuji who has to try very hard. Then there is also the sensei/student dynamic and, if we bring Sukuna into the mix, a lot of animosity from Sukuna towards Gojo (with potential for situational comedy) and possessive behaviour from both Gojo and Sukuna. Also: Gojo is a shameless flirt while Yuuji is just cute and a ray of sunshine and maybe even wouldn’t realise it when he is flirted with. There are so many story building ideas and questions you can do with this ship.

SatoSugu

It does have a lot of NaruSasu vibes for me and yet SatoSugu works where NaruSasu failed. It is able to pull off comedy, fluff, tragedy and sexy with ease, which as a combination can be very addictive. Two characters who have a very deep connection and friendship driven apart by circumstances and the clash of their ideals. That’s heartbreaking stuff. There are so many What-if? questions you can ask about their story. Suguru left a wound that will never really heal. Also: they are both ridiculous handsome and talented characters whom I can see bickering about the most unimportant things just for the fun of it and because they cannot control their temper and ego around each other. The shameless flirt and the thoughtful one, the overachiever and the one, who can’t follow. I think they work pretty well as a ship because they have got so many dynamics you can explore.

NaruSasu

One of the big, popular Naruto ships that never clicked for me. Maybe because I didn’t like Sasuke much. Maybe because Kishi was just about to develop their friendship when Sasuke left. Sasuke’s motives never resonated with me and that’s probably why I had a hard time understanding why Naruto wanted to bring him back. It seemed due to obligation rather than friendship. BUT I can still somewhat see the appeal. Naruto yearning, thinking he can save him, fix him, wanting to show him that their friendship is enough, that he doesn’t have to seek vengeance, that love is worth feeling and that without loss or pain there can be no love to begin with. Also: they are constantly at each other’s throats, they both have grown up for the most part without their parents, they can relate to each other because of their trauma AND although they have different personalities they do share the same kind of humour. Much to work with but I never saw potential for something more than friendship. Even “friendship” was a hard pill for me to swallow the moment Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura. I see the drama, the tragedy, even the brotherly aspect of their bond, but not romance.

ZuTara

The classic tale of “from enemies, to reluctant allies, to friends, to we have deep but also complicated feelings for each other”. It’s the “love that was meant to be but never came to be” trope. And I’m always down for it.

Their chemistry was off the charts from day one. Both are incredible fierce, stubborn and loyal. They played well off each other due to the circumstances of Katara’s parents having been killed by the Fire Nation. I always got the impression that there was a deep connection and understanding passing between them every time they met. Almost like a constant “What if…?”, a “I understand where you are coming from but I still have to do this”. There was a certain something in the way Zuko looked at her. I never exactly understood why it wasn’t meant to be. Him throwing himself in front of her to protect her from the lightning?! I was a goner. They gave me the Dramione feels but with much more fan service in the canon storyline. In my head they’re endgame. End of story.

[bookaddict24-7]

Reviews of the Week!

Every week I will post a various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews here.

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The Inheritance by Nora Roberts: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ever since Nora Roberts surprised me years ago with one of her fantasy novels, I've become more and more intrigued with her novels. INHERITANCE was so much fun and so addicting that I'm not convinced and I must read more of her books.

INHERITANCE starts with an MC who finds herself is a heartbreaking situation but is oddly not heartbroken? I loved her. She was a badass who grew a lot as a character and who brought so much fun to her story with her dialogue and observations. But along with her being a great MC, we also have the side characters, especially her bestie, who gave this novel that extra slice of fun.

Even though this is about a haunted house and it had some spooky moments, this was whimsical, at times romantic, and full of an engrossing mystery that I definitely want to one day solve. I loved the atmosphere of the setting and it fully felt like one of those "what if" scenarios that someone might dream up if they were to inherit a haunted mansion.

Also, there are some pretty cute dogs in here. AND an MC that no matter what life throws at her, she KNOWS she's great at her job and it's shown throughout the book.

I just had a lot of fun with this one and I'm definitely going to strive to read more Roberts this year!

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2. The September House by Carissa Orlando: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

What are the chances that the first two books I read in January 2024 are about haunted houses?

I didn't know what to expect of THE SEPTEMBER HOUSE. Much like usual, I didn't read the synopsis before jumping into this one. I'm happy I didn't because it all hit me like a one, two punch of surprises after another.

First of all, one of the comical things that endeared me to this highly unreliable narrator was her blasé way of referencing the ghosts in her home. "Oh, there's one who pops up in the closet sometimes" "Oh, there's one that bites". It was a surprising touch of humour in a book that proceeds to share the traumatizing past of the MC. While we learn about her abusive relationship with her husband, the fraught relationship with her daughter, and the potential decline of her mental health, we get reminders (often bloody and spine tingling) of just how haunted her home is.

The MC also has a set of rules that she follows in her fight to survive all that life has thrown at her, so I found it oddly fitting that this domestic abuse survivor is the one faced with the haunted and highly dangerous house.

While I actually really enjoyed this book and the dark humour, and the blatant horror-aspects of the book, I did find it a little harder to come to terms with the MC's daughter and her behaviour. I will admit that she annoyed the hell out of me. This grown-ass woman throws tantrums and I just wanted to shake her a bit. BUT with that being said, as the story progresses and truths are revealed, I could see the potential reasoning behind her actions. But also, we are seeing her actions through the perspective of an MC who is a bit unreliable when she's telling us about the people in her life. By the end of the book, I think I had a better understanding of her as a character. Both women were victims of a man who is given a quasi-redemption that well, I won't spoil it.

If you like haunted houses with very angry and bloody spirits, an MC who takes it all in stride, and a twisted history of experiences that help make it all make sense, then this might be the horror book for you!

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3. Rejected by Jaymin Eve: ⭐️⭐️

The frustration I felt while reading this book. Major side eye, tbh.

REJECTED started out so interesting--I love these kinds of bully stories because I just know the MC is going to prove them all wrong. I was incredibly invested and I was fully engaged, and then...shit hit the fan and it all just...slowed...down. The story went from intriguing, to drawn out and kind of boring. I haven't fallen asleep with a book this much in a long time. Every time I picked it up, I felt my eyes drooping. And listen, it's not to say the story didn't have it's great moments, but it just felt never ending.

I did like the tension between the MC and the Shadow Beast, but that cover is a total catfish. Also, the MC was this badass woman who constantly touted the whole "us women have to stick up for ourselves" (which I agree with), but then she'd immediately forgive or forget something the Shadow Beast or some other man in her life did to her. Or, there's a point where she's like "this person hurt me so much and my past is so dark because of them but my heart was moved and blah blah blah." Yes, I get that it's complicated because of her wolf, but it was ridiculous. I actually groaned in frustration at that scene. Why can't we just have a character who holds on to her anger and grudge without being "moved" by the actions of a horrible character? That's not empathy, that's idiocy tbh, and self-sabotage.

I won't lie, I've started book two because I'm curious about certain things, but I'm again just feeling that dragging that this book caused. It's like a shapeshifting book meant to edge the reader into painful submission. And I get that this works for many readers, but damn. The constant back and forth and the repeated tedious tasks just...

Anyway, strong af start, disappointing middle, vaguely intriguing ending because now I want answers. I'm scared of how the second book will go LOL.

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4. All Together Dead by Charlaine Harris: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this SOOKIE STACKHOUSE book! I was immediately pulled in. This is also the first one in the series that isn't a re-read for me--which I feel is a huge feat.

A lot of references in this one were such a throwback (like the comment on Britney and Kevin. I think I actually laughed with that one.) And we get to see how the fictional and paranormal world dealt with the horrific aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Seeing how their lives were affected by this very real and devastating hurricane was eye opening and brought back to mind a younger me watching the news about the events happening in New Orleans.

I also enjoyed that we get to see Sookie grow a bit more in this one. I think, so far, this is the one book where she's starting to truly use her voice and set her boundaries. She's always been outspoken, but I found it moreso in this one--especially when it came to her comfort level. We also got to see the development of, of course, the complimented love life of our MC.

There were some outdated commentary (of course) to "sluts" and "whores". It's incredible to see how far we've come in fiction and writing that this felt like jarring descriptions of women.

I'm proud of myself for continuing this series. I'm enjoying it so far, imperfections set aside. I'm excited to get to the next one, especially since it's all fresh and new from here on out!

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5. Hazel Bly and the Deep Blue Sea by Ashley Herring Blake: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have many thoughts about this book. I've read nearly all of Ashley Herring Blake's works and I am a massive fan--especially of her middle grade books because of how accessible and relatable these books might be for younger readers trying to find themselves in fiction. While I enjoyed HAZEL BLY and have many thoughts, it's not my favourite book of Blake's.

Before I jump into the review, I want to talk about something I read in some of the older reviews on Goodreads that made me hella uncomfortable. There are some reviewers that really had an issue with the non-binary character in this book and how Blake tells her readers about what it might mean to be NB. I've been thinking about those transphobic comments throughout my time reading this book and getting angrier and angrier. Someone even took a star off for Blake being "too woke" and trying to do a check list of some sort--Ya'll know these books are queer right? Like, Queer with a capital Q. How dare kids who might identify as non-binary potentially see themselves in fictional stories? I'm not going to swear because a kid might read this review, but honestly, some of these reviews were disgusting. This is a child and this book is QUEER.

Moving on.

We know the representation in Blake's novels are always going to be top-notch. These are usually my go-to books when I get a baby LGBTQ+ visiting the bookstore and looking for books that feature non-hetero characters. I loved that this exploration of one's identity is so pure in this and not made into some sort of show or shock and awe plot device. It just is.

My biggest gripe with this book is how the mother treats the MC. I know they are both grieving, but it was heartbreaking watching this kid be in so much pain and in need of the comfort of touch and communication. I actually hunted down reviews to see if I was the only one noticing this (hence why I came across those transphobic reviews) and one person made a comment about being sick of emotionally abusive parents in MG and honestly, yes. It's always been one of my biggest pet peeves with middle grade--how awful parents can be, how apathetic they sometimes are, and how dismissive they are of their child's emotions in comparison to their own feelings/beliefs. They can come off as bullies just because "I'm the parent and you're not".

I'm a person who lost a parent at twelve (like the MC) and I had a mother who helped me grieve while she also grieved. It's doable. Hell, we even see it in how another mother grieves with her own daughter. But while it was infuriating, it was also kind of genius in how Blake was able to show the reader these two comparable situations and the different end-results in having an open communication-led grieving process and one where the surviving parent completely shuts down. It was an interesting and complex exploration of grief and how different it truly looks.

Did I cry a few times? Absolutely. Did I feel the joys of childhood watching the MC slowly open up and potentially even find first love? Of course. There's so much innocence in spending your summers hunting for an elusive mermaid and sharing those secret smiles with your potential crush. It's things like that that make a pre-teen childhood so memorable (or cringey, depending on who you ask.) And for those who think these kids are too young for this--they're twelve and thirteen. You're going to tell me you didn't have a crush when you were twelve?! (Unless you didn't actually have one, then you know, you do you, that's perfectly fine.)

I think some of these characters need therapy and it's definitely mentioned (TW: for a suicide attempt). One of the beautiful (and heartbreaking) things about Blake's writing is that she doesn't shy away from the tougher topics that are sometimes seen as taboo by parents. Listen, I work at a bookstore, I have seen all kinds of censoring from parents. But there are a few parents who want their children to read those stories that explore the scarier realities of what it means to be human. And then, you also have those parents who have kids who would heavily benefit from books like this because they might be able to relate to the characters' journey. This is why I will always jump into a Blake novel, feet first.

So, while this wasn't my favourite book of hers, it was definitely one of the more complicated ones. While we get the seemingly summer-filled magic of a mermaid who looks a little too much like the MC, we also get the heavy undertow of emotions unexplored and words unsaid. It's gorgeous, raw, and thought-provoking. I think it's important for kids to read these books, but also adults so they can get a bit of a glimpse into a child's mind.

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6. Happiness Volume 1 by Shuzo Oshimi: ⭐️⭐️

All I can think when I think about this book now is:

I'm sure this is a cult favourite or something, but it was anticlimactic, weird, and kind of meh. I've read this author before and was genuinely uncomfortable in the past and weirded out in an awed way. I don't know if this was a "first volume" syndrome, but this was honestly missing everything I was hoping for.

One of the things that I think could have been done better was the portrayal of the MC's personality. The MC has a moment where he is faced with a situation that he probably normally doesn't find himself in and instead of showing us the progression of that, he just yells out "I'm not like that!" I wouldn't know, buddy. There is barely any lead up to making me think you're not like that.

Finally, the MC in this meets another character who is kind of weird and kind of mean and it brought back memories of a character we meet in BLOOD ON THE TRACKS (which is an incredible series by this author that I will always recommend). It felt a bit trope-y now that I know this author might do this on occasion.

I think I definitely need the rest of the series to fully get any sort of hype for this series, but my issue is that I don't think I care enough to do that. The art was beautiful, of course, but I just couldn't find it in me to care. I'm glad I didn't buy the rest of the volumes in this series 😅

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7. Caught in a Bad Fauxmance by Elle Gonzalez Rose: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The moment I saw this cover, I knew I wanted to read this book. Even with the punny title, I was grabby hands for this story. And it didn't disappoint!

One of my favourite things about this book is how it shows the reader the differences between the families--like the haves and have-nots. Have a lot of money? Have a not-so-great family, but hey, a big cottage! Barely surviving with all of the hospital bills and regular life bills? Have a family that broke and healed itself again into a loving and spontaneous family.

I loved how grief was weaved into the story, but it didn't create a bitter relationship between the family members and the newer members. I want more stories like this where a blended family is just a thing and not the plot device. Anyway, I loved the family dynamics of the MC's family and even though his sister was annoying to me, I also understood why she was the way she was. Change is scary--especially when everyone else is changing and you're standing still because you're too scared to change.

I also liked the slow burn of the relationship, watching the characters slowly fall for each other was adorable. But much like the MC's sister, I was skeptical. I'm a Taurus, I'm gonna side eye you until you prove that you're not a shady person.

Loved the setting, the putting down of the smug ex boyfriend, the character growth, and the lead up to this tense event that is everyone's motivation. I LOVED the allusions to Latine culture and even the Spanish thrown in there every so often.

I do think some things happened a little too quickly and abruptly and that we're left with some unanswered questions. This is where I wish we had dual perspectives--I just think it would have made the story feel a little more rounded.

I'd recommend this for anyone looking for a cute and fun warm weather read (they're having Christmas in the sun, I'm jealous). Also, for anyone who likes to read YA books with complex familial relationships and that difficult topic of falling into what we love and still having that self-doubt of "is this really for me?"

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Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

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Happy reading!

[bee-dot-exe]

Kinda long and kinda real post ahead if that's alright.

I don't talk about it on here a lot, but I'm non binary, afab specifically.

I don't know if I ever remember a time where I was completely comfortable with my chest. It always either feels too there or not there enough. Some days I feel more okay with them and some days I feel like crying because of them and most days I just exist and try to ignore them or something.

When Ranboo posted those most recent pictures, I was speechless, not in a negative way, just kind of a way that I didn't know what else to do. Yes, he looks incredible. Yes they are attractive. But my first reaction was looking at his chest.

Real and maybe slightly tmi talk time.

I promise I mean all this is the most respectful way possible, but when I saw those pictures, I kind of saw my own chest. The size and shape seem to be pretty similar to my own.

And to see him confidently wear that shirt and post those pictures and the reaction from everyone I've seen so far in all aspects and thinking about myself at the same time in the same way was strange but it was also wonderful. I struggled to make a caption when I posted those because they looked too amazing and I couldn't find the words but also because I was a bit emotional. Just thinking about all of you reacting to him and the positivity and honestly the jealousy they've gotten and trying to think of myself in that same way even slightly was both heartbreaking and heartwarming.

I don't know how much of that made sense or if anyone else could relate, but if it did or maybe I even unlocked something for you, I'm sorry and I'm glad.

For those who took the time to read and try to understand it at the least, thank you.

Ranboo, if you somehow come across this at some point, I hope it was okay to write this and you don't think it was disrespectful or in any way besides platonic. I am so proud of you for so many reasons. Thank you for letting us exist and grow alongside you.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

kind of a random question but what's your take on plastic ono band, musically speaking? a lot of people seem to have very extreme opinions on it so i'm curious about yours :)

Hi anon!!! Don't worry, POB is one of my favourite albums to talk about tbh.

(I'm not sure if by "musically" you mean separate from the lyrics, but I definitely have more to say about it lyrically – please come back with another ask if you want me to delve more into some aspect :) )

I actually rarely listen to the whole thing, because sonically it's not necessarily my cup of tea and there are songs on it I find hard to appreciate outside their album context. Although, the last time I gave it a full relisten, I was actually pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the sound of songs like I Found Out and Well Well Well.

I find the album on the whole an incredible and very concise presentation of a worldview that strives for personal independence, yet feels held back from achieving it for various reasons. It explores various aspects of "dependence", starting with parenthood and then moving on to religion, celebrities, drugs, among other things. It's not something I personally agree with, but the earnestness of the whole thing strikes a chord with me. It's also interesting to me that I've seen various accounts of people who made it out of high-commitment religious groups find the album really resonated with them.

One thing I find the most interesting about it is the fact that iconoclasm is one of the central themes of the album and, the way it opens with Beatle John Lennon screaming for his parents and closes with him singing a lullaby about his mother's death just after declaring he doesn't believe in Beatles and that the dream is over, the album is actually attacking John's untouchable image, forcing the listener to reassess their own relationship to John as a potential idol. In that sense, he's not only preaching, he's also being vulnerable to drive his point home, while simultaneously doing what he believes is necessary: "feel your own pain". I find the way the album plays with the fourth wall fascinating. It made me cringe at first, but I found examining why it made me cringe to actually be really fruitful. The album is challenging and forced me to reconsider it in a way I have rarely experienced with art.

On an individual song level: Isolation and Remember are among my absolute favourite John songs. "I don't expect you to understand / After you caused so much pain / But then again / You're not to blame / You're just a human / A victim of the insane" is a career highlight and the centerpiece of the album to me. It puts all the cutting and perhaps even cruel remarks made before and after into perspective. Plus I loooooooooooooove how that part completely shifts the energy of the song. The triplets in the last line are so good.

Remember is just endlessly sad to me, the interpolation of Bring It On Home lyrics is HEARTBREAKING. I interpret the song as being about reminding yourself why you have to leave a situation. In the context of the Beatles breakup, his use of a 1962 song of that nostalgic (to John) style about wanting someone to come back makes me a little fucking crazy. He took a song about regretting a split and changed it up into a reminder not to look back lest he come to regret his decision to leave.

Otherwise, I think God is incredible musically-speaking (shoutout to Billy Preston's beautiful piano playing!!!) but it's so much lyrically I don't listen to it super often. Love is very very pretty.

Mother and Well Well Well are often a bit much for me, but I find the way they sort of weave primal screaming into the music cool. Hold On and Look At me are quite soothing.

Working Class Hero is probably my least favourite, it's just kind of boring to listen to, though I am thankful to have some John f-bombs so there's that.

[thesinglesjukebox]

SABRINA CARPENTER -"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE"

It's the Fourth of July, so today we turn our attention to guess who? American women!

[6.17]

TA Inskeep: The way Sabrina Carpenter drops in "don't embarrass me, motherfucker" on the chorus of this country-tinged lament is so smart; she clearly understands pop music. This isn't another "Espresso," not even close, but that's smart, too, showing another angle of her. A real, new pop star: how refreshing. [7]

Brad Shoup: As a critic, it's almost too easy. The warmed-over chillwave disco with the line "I can't relate to desperation"? Or the Vangelic pop-country that opens with "I know I have good judgment/I know I have good taste"? (Plus we installed a ceiling fan last weekend.) Her plaintive "Hopelessly Devoted to You" killed in her Melbourne Eras Tour slot, but "Please Please Please" is the truest tribute to Olivia Newton-John: flippant and funny, casually virtuosic. Plus it's a little bit country. Carpenter's wryness is approaching Deana Carter or Kacey Musgraves levels, but when she hits those shimmering pleases it's like watching her peel herself open. It's not quite the same feeling as being a parent, but it's close. In terms of the emotional switches she's flipping and the prettiness of the track— how everything locks so crisply without feeling like a metatextual pop puzzle box— I think this is magical: nearly perfect but for ending on the bridge. [9]

Will Rivitz: As an avowed and long-term Sabrina Carpenter hater (a Sabrinah?), my least favorite aspect of her career so far is not that every song she releases sounds like a C-tier rip-off of some other, better pop star; it's that she can't even be consistent with which other, better pop star to rip off. I've already gone on record saying "Thumbs" sounds like a sanitized, focus-grouped Alessia Cara impression, and since then Carpenter's continued to spin the wheel: "Nonsense" is a worse Ariana Grande song, "Espresso" is a worse "Say So," "Feather" is a worse "Circles." (Carpenter recently announced Jack Antonoff has worked with her on "about half" of her upcoming debut album, meaning that not only is she aping a full third of today's pop elite, she's aping a set of artists completely distinct from those she's gotten her impressionistic hands on in the past. Pick a lane and stay there, please!) Thankfully, "Please Please Please," at long last, doesn't sound quite so concretely like any particular musician active on the charts at the moment. Unfortunately, it does sound like royalty-free music piped into a tropical Disney cruise's breakfast buffet at low volume, monkey's-paw evidence that she's better served cheaply mimeographing those who came before than forging her own way. I've seen a couple comments online that the success of "Please Please Please" is "justice" for Espresso not hitting number one; if so, it's the kind of application of criminal justice that in its flagrant disregard for human dignity should inspire mass activism against the carceral state. [2]

Jonathan Bradley: Sabrina Carpenter’s first actual chart-topper is a curious thing, so tonally all over the place that its incoherence starts to look like a puzzle to be solved. She switches from wry wordplay “you’re an actor, so act like a stand-up guy” to diva sass (“heartbreak is one thing; my ego’s another”) to hopeful coaxing (“it’s so nice, right?“) to curses and threats (“don’t embarrass me, motherfucker”) at such a rapid clip that I start to have concerns for her own reliability as a narrator; you have good judgment, Sabrina? Really? The overarching picture, oddly, is of a prim mother furious with an offspring acting out in public, and desperately hoping not to show it. “If you wanna go and be stupid,” she scolds. “Don’t do it in front of me.” (This interpretation makes no sense considering the song is aimed at a romantic partner whose best side she still believes exists, which is entirely the problem.) A sluggish disco beat, so awkward that it’s antithetical to the concept of groove, languid blooms of synthesizer, and a vocal tone that sways and wavers like a limp plant in a light breeze all suggest the solution to these parenting problems lies in a refilled prescription and another martini. Maybe this boy will go play on the road. [7]

Katherine St. Asaph: It's not as huge as "Lovefool," as most things aren't, but "Please Please Please" recreates everything great about the Cardigans classic at a smaller scale: Nina Persson's folkie emoting and coquettish spoken-word coos, the impatience to get to the big chorus it knows it's got, the self-aware self loathing that's bound to result in endless quips and listicles 15 years from now about how whoa, no one realized how fucked-up this song is (assuming there is a media industry remaining 15 years from now). [7]

Taylor Alatorre: She mentions her ego in the chorus, so this is supposed to be a self-deprecating portrait of an unsympathetic character, right? But then she addresses her boyfriend as "motherfucker" in a threateningly low register, which is supposed to be an empowering feminist thing, right? Ambiguity is one thing, but squishiness is another, and "Please Please Please" doesn't adopt a solid enough stance for its jabs to land with the desired amount of heft. Any replay value comes not from the citation-needed punchlines — is “actor” considered a culture now? — but from the Bleacher you love to hate, Mr. Antonoff. He’s managed to get some genuinely queasy and head-spinning synth textures to the top of the Hot 100, even if he had to ride the peak of yet another artist’s imperial wave in order to do it.  [5]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Earlier in the week I wrote a scathing [3] point review about how awkward this sounds, and how the goodwill of "Espresso" had been wasted. It turns out that after sitting with this for a week, you come to see how the awkwardness is the draw. I'm not sure where Sabrina Carpenter's ascent will take her, but may she write oddball, camp hooks in perpetuity.  [7]

Alfred Soto: Despite my initial rave, "Espresso" has turned into a mild annoyance. I'd tolerate writing lyrics that sound like garbled putative Instagram memes if Sabrina Carpenter's vocal choices weren't stuck in "coo" mode. "Please, Please, Please" is more of the same but worse. Line by line, nothing scans, and the high fluting synth line complements her self-involvement. Which doesn't mean I'll change the station when it's on. [5]

Ian Mathers: It's not that I underrated "Espresso" (which is fine!), it's that "Espresso" is a high [6] and this is a pretty low one. [6]

Mark Sinker: If “Espresso” was the moment where the sexy Species beast breaks containment, this is what comes after = if it’s on I won’t turn it off probably, but it’s mostly diminishing returns.    [6]

Scott Mildenhall: Gossamer and jarring at once, this would barely register were it not so meandering. There are enough unfulfilled flutters of feather-light flair to give it the album track vote; green-lighting it as a single feels like over-commitment to their possibility, rather than their realisation. [5]

Harlan Talib Ockey: Carpenter’s country-inflected vocal performance wields lyrics so sharp and realistic as to make the listener a little uncomfortable. (What is “I tell them it’s just your culture” supposed to mean?) Unfortunately, the chintzy synths and cloudy vocal production crowd her out with the aural equivalent of an aggressive “JUST KIDDING.” Huh. I wonder who was in charge of that. [5]

Isabel Cole: As a Taylor-liker and forever Melodrama stan, I’ve often found myself in the position of Antonoff apologist as his shtick has grated on the pop lovers around me; he’d produced some songs I love, and at worst I found him uninspired but inoffensive. This is the first song I really feel has made me hear what the haters are hearing; it sounds like a track someone assembled as an Antonoff parody. [4]

Hannah Jocelyn: Like the meme where Beyoncé traps Sia in her basement, Jack Antonoff has the iLok with all Serban Ghenea's compressor plugins so he cannot make drums sound even a little bit punchy. This is is otherwise nearly perfect; I’m not yet tired of ABBA pastiches the way I’m tired of John Hughes pastiches and 2-step pastiches, and the sharp lyrics are mean spirited but amusingly tough love to her partner. It even has the head-turning moments that made "Espresso" so addictive; "don't embarrass me, motherfuuucker," "the ceiling fan is so nice," "don't make me hate you prolifically" — I was sold on Carpenter the pop star, but I can now be convinced on Carpenter the songwriter. If she can pull off a line like "I tell them it's just your culture" and make it not sound like the shittiest thing in the world, I'm even more sold on Carpenter the performer too. [8]

Andrew Karpan: I’ve heard it said that the way she says something just a little weird is what makes these records the indelible bits of pop culture candy that they are. Just a sing-urr and, now, motherfuck–urr. Writing a song about being out of Barry Keoghan's league only literalizes this kind of fetish for contained ugliness. A record that meets its moment, like a mirror that’s just a little chipped.  [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: A real Rorschach test of a single: is it a breathtaking coronation of a single, the culmination of a journey from fringe teen pop never-was to actual pop superstar, or is it a bit of a letdown, too staid and stagey after the three-part screwball pop triumph of "Nonsense"-"Feather"-"Espresso"? Mostly, I'm struck by how boring this sounds. Doing an Italo disco-styled take on a Dolly Parton song should be more compelling than this, but the fruits of working with Jack Antonoff are shiny and tedious. I get why people are fomenting ridiculous payola conspiracy theories about this playing on their Spotify accounts — even if there's nothing actually shady happening, this just sounds like mandatory fun, an almost-successful exercise in forced charm that stretches Carpenter's charisma about to its limits. [5]

Nortey Dowuona: Good for Barry Keoghan, it's nice to see him get some very difficult roles that actually stretch him. He was wasted in Eternals. [8]

Julian Axelrod: It brings me no pleasure to report this is the best Kacey Musgraves song of 2024. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[silphine]

ESCAFLOWNE Voice meme (2/5)

[ Escaflowne voice meme made by @drkstars-art ]

PART 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

------------------   

2. Who is your favorite character and why? Was it love at first sight?  Has any of their qualities or quirks swayed you on characters in other series?

Instinctively, Van.

He was my favorite character right from the beggining. And despite I now love the vast majority of characters (for many different reasons), I'm still really attached to him.

WHY ? > Mainly because Van's story is the (painful and challenging) process of a boy growing up to finally become a man.

He has the widest range of emotions through out the series, which makes him very realistic and human.

He is the combination of a Life of Duty, Fight, Revenge with the tough, rebelous and doubtful period of adolescence. These two concepts confront inside him and I just love the dynamic it gives to his character :

- Deep inside, Van is a shy, kind, sensitive, pacifist and simple young man > But must endorse a King role he never aimed to and has to learn to fight and kill if needed.

- He lacks of self confidence, is also very impulsive and wholehearted with his beliefs (he is still a teenager after all) > But has to deal with many adult and overwhelming situations (with other royals, leaders, politics...)

- Physically, he is quite small for his age and pretty puny > But reveals being strenghful, mature (on many aspects) and determined. Plus, very dangerous in critical situations :

When he kills several Zaibach soldiers in Energist mine.

When he slaughters all Dilandau’s soldiers.

When he finds and enters Zaibach invisible forteress 

I just love this contrast !

Gaea is a violent world for his kind soul. But he finally accepts his fate and deals with it the best he can, even if it's too heavy for his young and small shoulders.

He internalizes his suffering most of the time and that's why I sympathize so much for him.

His resilience always impressed me.

> He lost almost everything at the beginning of the story, but manages to overcome the situation. We clearly see Balgus' influence in him. (I always loved Balgus. A strong, stoic, proud but so reliable and very kind man. An excellent father figure for any young becoming man.)

By the way, I love the fact that the promise Balgus made to Hitomi to find a way to send her back home foreshadows Van x Hitomi relationship all over the series until its very end.

" We will find a way to send you back on Mystic Moon." " A Fanelian warrior never lies. "

Indeed, Van never lies to Hitomi. By friendship (and because he genuily understands her sadness for being separated from her family), he takes up the promise Balgus made her...

...and reminds her later (in a bitter way) Even if he is deeply irritated by her presence on the moment, frustrated and full of jealousy towards Allen : he WILL keep his promise.

And he will. Definitely. Despite their mutual love. I don't think many young men would do the same. That's why I find him so special. Was it love at first sight ?   > Here was the very first time I saw him.

Frankly, how can it not be a love at first sight ? I knew nothing about his character, neither the story of ESCAFLOWNE. But I instantanly understood in this scene he was desperatly in love with this girl kissing a "perfect blondie man" and that all his hopes just gone up in smoke ! I felt so bad for him... (I feel the same each time I rewatch this scene.)

(Second dose... In case the viewer would not really get how much his heart is broken !) Honestly... How can a heartbreak be so beautifully portrayed and hurt so hard in a single image !? I also love watching him get irritated and not understanding his own feelings. He saves and protects Hitomi most of the time but, paradoxally, is unable to properly express his love to her. He is so lost on that topic ! To finish : his character taught me a lesson on humanity has a young teenage : > The most dangerous person may not be the one who attacks, cheats, enforces domination or hurts people in the first place.... 

... But the most kind person, pushed to his own limits... (Dilandau just freaked out...) > Everyone can become a monster if pushed too far or blinded by its hatred/anger. We all have violence inside us and it can be easy to give in to it. For all these reasons, I love his character. [ > PART 3 ]

[offshore-brinicle]

I think I never talked about how I think about Yi Sang and Dongbaek and despite really intensely shipping Sangbaek and in general talking about the two a lot but it's more like "mirror world where they actually got together are more self indulgent/delusion", I think my main "this is part of how I interpret canon when analyizing the text" take is more that they were in love with each other but never really confessed specially since the romantic aspect of their relationship are subtextual/symbolic, they were happy simply being with each other as friends and likeminded individuals as long as they could be in one another's presence, kind of feeding into the overall theme of Sloth/complacency and the regret that comes afterwards. It's only really after everything fell apart and that they couldn't be with each other anymore that that the awareness of the feeling of romance intensified except now mixed with a whole storm of. Everything from heartbreak and abandonment and resentment for Dongbaek due to her trauma.

So basically the dynamic is they have whatever tf you call Madoka and Homura's relationship in the original series before Rebellion but with divorce added despite never being married and also pretty much any relationship with Dongbaek as she is now will be weird and toxic af to some degree regardless of who it is except with Yi Sang he kind of accepts her toxicity since he misses her a lot and understands her pain, and in regards to him it's also partly laced with genuine affection taking in count the whole "granting Yi Sang's death wish" (real Dongbaek was also a stalker who wrote love letters in his own blood to the person he was obsessed with and he's infamous in Korea for this despite still being a widely beloved and popular author so. Yeah)

Kind of an. In another world where odds weren't against them they would have been happy but not in this one in regards to my overall interpretation of their dynamic in canon/the main timeline

Also despite the "Yi Sang's evil exes" jokes I find the League of Nine as a whole more compelling as friends/doomed found family I think

[birgittesilverbae]

I really enjoy your take on bea’s journey re: relationship to god and being queer in your fic. It is something i’ve been trying to come to terms with for abt ten years now (not exaggerating). Imo it’s hard to find sources on the topic whicj wouldnt require you to have a deep theological understanding and so im glad your fic exists as a kind of a summary. Anyway bea as a character is super relatable to me overall so im v glad someone decided to dig deep and explore the pre-canon era from this angle. As someone who crushed on girls from church while also being a girl (while also seeing that the church girl i crushed on was likely not straight and prolly in deep denial), the fic hits in a particular way, heartbreaking but also liberating. Youve done great with exploring this inner conflict

I'm really happy to hear this fic has felt liberating to you. my relationship to religion has never been particularly fraught, as my family is from a super liberal mainline Protestant denomination. (nor did I ever find it particularly compelling, and by age 10 my family had gone from weeklies to holiday Christians), but other aspects of Bea have really resonated with me, and so I wanted to do right by this major part of her story as well. I'm so thankful that I could give you some measure of comfort with this fic; nothing feels better than knowing I've moved someone in some way.

My central three resources for chapter 3 of tmtl and the fic in general, if you wanted to take a look (they're all fairly accessible; the time I spent with deeper theological cuts will remain between me and jstor)

Q Christian Fellowship is an excellent starting point: LGBTQ+ Theology 101

Queer Theology has a lot of good resources

Religious and Sexual Identities: A Multi-faith Exploration of Young Adults (by Andrew Kam-Tuck Yip and Sarah-Jane Page) is "an illuminating and nuanced analysis of young adults’ perceptions and negotiations of their religious, sexual, youth and gender identities." Pretty accessible look at identity in UK young adults and draws from both quantitative and qualitative research, including interviews and video diary narratives