last night i had a dream that i was playing minecraft and i noticed i had 77 blocks of cobblestone in one slot instead of it being capped at 64 and it was so jarring to me that it literally booted me out of the dream. like sure you can fly now and your childhood home is a pharmacy but 77 pieces of cobblestone? unthinkable. wake the fuck up.
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I know none of you watch solar opposites because you’re normal women but they obviously had to fire Justin Roiland and instead of finding a close approximation of his voice and just kind of ignoring it they shot his character in the throat with a dart and replaced him with esteemed British dramatic actor Dan Stevens which should just like be the industry protocol for me too’d shitbag job stuff
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“Papa has to put five dollars in the jar,” Hazel proudly announces the very moment she and Steve arrive home from her evening dance class.
“Jesus Christ,” Eddie groans his place at the stove where he’s cooking dinner, “What’d you do this time?”
The Jar is actually a repurposed animal crackers container – the big plastic kind shaped like a bear. Most people think it’s a swear jar which, honestly, Steve and Eddie are fine with because that’s probably better than the reality of the situation – that they (it’s mostly Steve, actually) need a system to keep in check the petty fights they get into with practically everyone they know.
“I just–” Steve starts, and then he rolls his eyes, “I don’t get why some people have kids if they clearly don’t want to be part of their kids’ lives.”
“Little pitchers,” Eddie reminds him – as in little pitchers have big ears, as in their children hear everything they say, whether they want them to or not.
Steve ignores him.
“So her class was about to wrap up – they had, like, five minutes left – and they all came out of the room looking all excited and they said they wanted to show us their recital dance so far because they’re almost done learning it.”
“Sure,” Eddie comments.
“And this one kid is, like, rushing to put her shoes and coat on over her little tutu thing because her mom’s waiting in the car outside, and she goes to get her, and then, like, five minutes later she comes back inside in tears because her mom didn’t want to come in.”
Eddie shakes his head, equally unimpressed.
“Anyways, they do their little routine and – Ed, they were so excited, and they tripped over each other the entire time and none of them know what they’re doing and it’s so fucking cute, man. I have no idea how anyone wouldn’t want to watch that.”
“Right,” Eddie said slowly, because he knows Steve well enough to start piecing together where The Jar might come into play.
“So when it was over,” Steve continues, “I walked the kid to her mom’s car and I told her that she missed a good show and that her daughter very obviously wanted her there.”
“Steve.”
“I really don’t think I did anything wrong,” Steve defended.
“Cough it up, big boy. Jar.”
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