#it’s time!

[beegoould]

Me: *notices the new Murderbot book in Audible, voice to text Jim*

Me: It’s Murderbot day!

Siri: It’s murder bidet. Send it?

Me: No. It’s Murder Bot day.

Siri: It’s murder thought day. Send it?

Me: No. It. Is. Murder. Bot. Day.

Siri: It is murder but day. Send it?

Me: Yeah I guess

[fullbattleregalia]

It’s finally time.

Let’s

Fucking

GOOOOOOOO!

[fruitydiaz]

getting my bimonthly urge to reread butch is a noun

[new-berry]

Fabian and Jamaal.

[sokkas-first-fangirl]

Happy Halloween everyone! 🎃

[hoforwonho]

happy mariah szn <3

Thank u 😭💖❄️☃️🎄❄️

[climbingthefloors]

obsessed with this baby hippo from thailand's khao khew zoo.. she has been so utterly betrayed by the world

[secondlina]

New Crow Time 🐦‍⬛🦊🌟

[yeepof]

I understand that tall men are our POV characters, but surely being like a foot taller than everyone around them would have some occasional consequences

[noodles-and-tea]

Haha… yeah… that’d be crazy…

[sailing-ever-west]

graph of what being hungry is like with adhd

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Since you guys liked Marcille as Kermit that much, it seems fitting to thank you for my 12k milestone with MORE Kercille. And this time, Miss Falin is also here.

Thank you so much again everybody! MWAH 💗

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[teffiebell]

[churroach]

Looking respectfully

(EDIT: fellas, it’s really not that deep. Anyone starting beef over this stupid drawing getting blocked, i dont care to argue with people who come and judge me (a stranger) in bad faith. A bit dissapointed that this joke post is what’s getting the most attention but alas that’s the internet for ya i guess.)