#it's a matter both of seeing if he's actually dead and getting closure if he actually is

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

“he thinks youll be disgusted but you’re just happy he’s alive” 1) incredible work as usual 2) YOU CANT JUST DROP THAT AND NOT ELABORATE- wifi my heart you don’t understand i need closure—

suffer <3 (just kidding just kidding :> ) referenced ask here!

while everyone else mourns Ajax's apparent death, you work twice as hard to save up money to journey to Liyue, determined to find out what had happened. some called you stubborn, others called you crazy- but the only thing you truly desired was Ajax, and if not him, then closure. if Ajax truly was dead, why hadn't the Fatui sent word the minute it was confirmed? why were there no efforts to recruit a new Eleventh Harbinger? why hadn't his possessions been sent to his family? there had to be some reason behind all of this

and there is, you quickly find out, when an odd man named Zhongli leads you to an Abyssal monster curled in the corner of a room, and when it sees you it's single eye widens as it shrinks into itself, clicking frantically and trying to hide from view. but you simply step closer, murmuring Ajax's name, and the creature hesitantly looks up at you, a low croon exiting its- his mouth. you run over and fling your arms around him, sobbing in relief as you feel his claws slowly wrap around your waist, feel him lean into your touch, feel the presence of your Ajax again. you know it's him, even in his Foul Legacy form, and you swear on Celestia that you'll never be parted again. carefully you lean in and press a kiss to his forehead, just like you always would back in Snezhnaya, and hear a soft, rusty purr filter through the room for the first time ever

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Strays

Note: requested by anon! thank you for your kind words, and I hope you'll like this. I had a lot of fun writing it :) (for story purposes, it's set a little after SKMD)

Warnings: F L U F F

pairing: SKMD!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: When your cat goes missing, Sihtric was determined to get him back..

wordcount: 2,3k

Masterlist

'You're coming with me.'

Sihtric couldn't stand it anymore. Your endless crying, the countless hours of waiting in front of your home, your daily calling of 'Fluffy! Fluffy, where are you?' Sihtric had enough of it.

You were heartbroken ever since your beloved cat, Fluffy, ran away a few days ago. Sihtric, the hardened warrior and your beloved husband, had gifted you the pet a few years ago so you would feel less alone, whenever he had to leave you for a couple of days to deliver messages for Uhtred, or if he had to go to battle. 

The lands had been at peace for about a year now, Sihtric was a Lord, and together you lived in the great hall of Dunholm, with your furry companion. Fluffy would often leave the cosy indoors and venture outside, but he always came home again at the end of the day, until a few days ago that was. And no matter what Sihtric did or said, you were a mess.

'What if he's hurt?' you cried in your husband's arms, who was simply out of ideas of how to try and make you feel better. 'Or what if someone just stole him?'

Your mind kept making up one horror story after another, each one worse than the previous scenario you came up with.

'I'll find him,' Sihtric said, and he kissed your cheek, 'I promise, my love, I'll find him.'

And so Sihtric set out on a quest to find Fluffy, your grey cat.

Sihtric woke up the next morning, just before dawn. He got dressed, had some quick breakfast, kissed you goodbye and went on his way. All morning he searched outside for Fluffy, in Dunholm, looking at every place he could think of. He started at the stables, but figured the horses would have scared Fluffy off already. Then he searched the market square, where he'd check under and around every table with products, but to no avail. He asked a few of the residents, young and old, if they had seen the friendly cat, but no one could recall the animal as of late. 

Sihtric sighed and raked his fingers through his messy hair, then he went to walk around town, checking every corner and barn, but no sign of Fluffy. He was determined to mend your broken heart and he would find Fluffy, whatever it would take. Dead or alive. He knew you needed closure on the matter, and nothing hurt him more than seeing his wife upset. 

When he gifted you the cat, who was a kitten back then, he never thought it would bring you so much joy. And once Sihtric fought no battles anymore, he actually felt jealous at the attention Fluffy received from you. The endless cuddles, tickles and kisses on his soft head, your husband had watched the cat accept your love with soft purs, while he felt a certain bitterness towards the beast at times. Especially when Fluffy joined in bed in the evening, getting comfortable in between you both, which prevented Sihtric from holding you in his arms. But still, Sihtric had grown fond of Fluffy too, and he knew you'd be over the moon if he could manage to find him back.

But after having searched outside the entire day, Sihtric returned home empty-handed at nightfall, and you cried in his arms again until you fell asleep.

The next day, Sihtric woke up early again and his new routine continued. He got dressed, ate breakfast, kissed you goodbye while you were still asleep, and then he went hunting for Fluffy again. Today he was going to search inside the walls of Dunholm, where it was dark and often a little messy, and it was another exhaustive task. Hours and hours on end he looked for the cat, but once again he returned to you, empty-handed, at nightfall.

Visibly upset again after dinner, you crawled in bed with your husband. You became more concerned about Fluffy as the days were getting colder. You said he might be cold or hungry, and it broke your heart to think about it. And then Sihtric suddenly had an idea.

'What if we leave some cat food out?'

You agreed with his idea, and Sihtric placed a bowl with Fluffy's favourite food just outside the door, and after that, he joined you in bed again.

The next morning, at dawn, Sihtric opened the door and found the cat food had been taken. But he didn't realise that any animal could have taken it in the night. And you didn't have the heart to tell your sweet husband the reality of leaving food outside, so you simply played along.

'But what will you do now?' you asked.

'I have searched everywhere already, I don't know where else to look,' Sihtric sighed, 'so tonight I will put food out again, and I will wait up. Maybe Fluffy will come back again.'

You smiled at his good-hearted nature, which was what you loved most about him, and kissed his forehead before you started your day.

'I think that's a great idea,' you lied and embraced him.

And so, after another long and catless day, Sihtric sat outside in the dark, in the middle of the night. He had been there for hours already while you had been asleep. When you woke up and didn't feel Sihtric next to you, you got out of bed to check on him.

Sihtric sat outside, wrapped in his cloak as the first frost of the season made its appearance. Sihtric was sitting calm and patiently, but he was freezing underneath his cloak, and he shivered while his teeth chattered.

'Honey,' you startled him, 'please come inside. It's too cold, you'll catch a sickness.'

'N-no,' Sihtric said, taken by cold and barely able to speak, 'I m-must f-f-find Fluffy.'

You sighed and nudged his shoulder as you towered over him.

'It's okay,' you said.

'No, i-it's n-n-ot,' your husband stuttered, 'y-you m-m-miss h-h-im.'

'Yes,' you agreed, 'I do, but I don't want to miss my husband as well, because he was a fool and froze to death overnight.'

You squeezed his shoulder, but Sihtric refused to get up, as stubborn as he was.

'Honey,' you sat down next to him, 'it's okay, really. You've been up for hours, and you've searched for days…'

'I don't want to disap-point you,' he said, 'I-I promised t-to find-' 

Sihtric suddenly sneezed insanely loud, which probably woke up the entire village, and you had enough.

'Sweetling,' you cupped Sihtric's cold, red cheeks, 'not a day in our married lives have you ever disappointed me. Come,' you took his nearly frozen hand, 'let's go inside. I already made you some tea.'

Sihtric followed you inside reluctantly, feeling as if he had failed you, but you weren't having any of that. You told him to sit in front of the firepit and brought him some warm tea. You slowly rubbed his shoulders as he warmed up again, and Sihtric felt conflicted, as he felt loved but defeated at the same time.

When Sihtric woke up again the next morning, only a few hours after you had dragged him inside, he saw the food he had left outside had been taken again. Sihtric cursed in his native tongue under his breath. He had sat there for hours, and not a single cat had showed up. Sihtric felt the animal was taunting him, and suddenly it felt very personal now for different reasons. Your husband didn't like to be fooled, and he was prepared to make the square. 

As he had searched everywhere in Dunholm already, he suddenly figured that maybe Fluffy was staying somewhere just outside of the safe walls.

While the first snow was twirling down outside and you were still warmly asleep in bed, Sihtric got dressed again. But today he dressed up in his leather armour and he braided his hair. This was serious now, and he wrapped his warm cloak around his shoulders, pulled the hood over his head, and grabbed his leather gloves. He kissed your cheek, like every morning, and left out the door, the pouches attached to his leather belt filled with cat food. He mounted his horse and spurred the beast, then galloped through the open doors of the fort, into the lands.

You had no idea where your husband had gone when you woke up, but you heard from nearby neighbours that they had seen him leave by horse early in the day. You knew Sihtric could look after himself, for the most part at least, so he'd undoubtedly return before dinner time. And he would, empty-handed.

As Sihtric scouted the lands for any cat activity, he suddenly saw a small creature jump out of the woods after a while. He got off his horse and approached the animal, which was indeed a cat, but it was not your beloved Fluffy. Sihtric stared at the cat, who looked nothing like Fluffy, but he figured this was the best he could do as this was the only cat he had seen in days, and he took out some cat food.

'You're coming with me,' Sihtric mumbled as he neared the brown cat, and he grabbed it with his gloved hands.

He held the cat up, inspecting the animal, and it was clearly a female stray cat looking for food. Quite a big one too, Sihtric thought. And when he wanted to hold the cat closer to his chest and return to his horse, the cat suddenly clawed at his face and hissed. Sihtric dropped the cat with a yelp and brought his hand up to his face while the cat ran off as fast as she could, towards the walls of Dunholm nonetheless. Sihtric cursed and saw the blood on his glove after he just wiped his cheek.

Then he gave up and returned home again…

Sihtric was too ashamed to tell you how he got that scratch on his face, so he lied and said he couldn't remember how he got it. And when you went to bed, Sihtric placed food outside again, and he waited.

Hours passed, but this time your husband had lit a torch to keep warm by, and to see any possible cat activity in the dark. And just when he wanted to give up, at the crack of dawn, he suddenly saw that same cat appear who had scratched him in the face, the day before.

She slowly tiptoed over to the food, as Sihtric sat completely still. But as his luck had it, he had to sneeze, and loud too. He probably woke up the entire village again and also scared the poor cat, who ran off, and Sihtric jumped up. He ran after the cat as if he was on a witch hunt; torch in hand, eyes wild and focused. Like a mad man he chased after the cat, running all through town, until the cat hid in the stables.

Sihtric approached slowly and quietly, and when he hung the torch on the wall, he suddenly heard meowing. But not just one meow, no, multiple at the same time. Confused, and surprised, Sihtric peeked into the corner of the stable, and there, hidden from view, he found a whole nest of kittens. Stray kittens. And the cat who had scratched him and was chased just yet, was clearly the mother.

'Gods,' Sihtric whispered at the sight of at least six kittens.

And then, out of nowhere, Fluffy appeared from behind a bucket, and he ran up to Sihtric. It took him a few long seconds, but then it clicked.

'Oh,' Sihtric chuckled as he picked Fluffy up, 'so you had a wild night some time ago, huh?' he petted the cat, 'well, at least you're a good dad. But it's time to go home now.'

Sihtric looked at the kittens and mother cat again, but then turned on his heels with Fluffy in his arms. He couldn't wait to see your face when he'd bring back your beloved cat, but before he could take another step, the kittens started to meow again. And Sihtric's heart broke a little.

He looked over his shoulder to the kittens, and then back at Fluffy in his arms, who looked up at him with big, adorable eyes. And Sihtric just couldn't tear the cat family apart like that.

'Fine,' Sihtric sighed as he looked around the stable for a basket, 'but you'll be the one to explain this back home.'

As if Fluffy understood what Sihtric said, he meowed. And Sihtric found a large handmade basket just outside the stables. He took off his cloak, shivered at the cold air, and draped the warm fur in the basket. He approached the nest and crouched down. And as if mother cat understood that Sihtric only wanted to help, because she knew just like he did that they would not survive the winter outside, she allowed him to pick up each kitten. Sihtric placed the kittens in the basket, one by one, and he felt a smile tug at his lips with each little cat he held in his hands. And mother followed into the cosy basket on her own, wanting to protect her young.

Sihtric got back up on his feet and walked home, one hand carrying a basket full of kittens and their mother, while he carried Fluffy under his other arm, keeping him pressed against his chest. 

Sihtric knocked on the door early in the morning after he hid the basket from view, and you nearly screamed when you found Fluffy in your husband's arms. You took the cat and twirled around with him in your arms, and you only stopped because Sihtric cleared his throat.

'Honey,' he said, 'it's not just Fluffy I found…'

He picked up the basket, pulled his fur cloak carefully away, and showed you the eight kittens with their mother. 

'We're grandparents now,' Sihtric smiled, and the kittens meowed.

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylasthegrim @andakth @chompchompluke @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx @diosademuerte @elle4404 @alexagirlie @sweetxime @solango @gemini-mama @cheyennep3107 @little-diable @jennifer0305 @drwstarkeyy @mrsarnasdelicious @verenahx @urmomsgirlfriend1 @moonchildrenandflowercrowns @foxyanon @djarinsgirl27 @sigtryggrswifey

[ladyloveandjustice]

Checked out the last couple chapters of My Hero Academia bc i was curious how it ended

-I actually thought the chapter with Ochaco going to cry and Deku following her to comfort and telling her she's his hero and has been from the beginning and saying she's always put her needs before others but she deserves support too was EXTREMELY sweet. like awwww. such sweet kids. Especially when the whole class ran up to her and Tsuyu tackle hugged her what!!! i'm glad the manga still has that sweetness in it, despite all the other faults, I think it looks like it did carry through the importance of friendship and supporting each other here.

-Ochaco spearheading an effort to give kids counseling about their quirks and any mental health issues they might be having regarding them, expanding the hero role beyond just crime-fighting (with Momo and Tsuyu and Iida), is also actually incredibly sweet and in-character too. It's actually surprising to not see her get shafted, considering how incredibly shafted she was in the parts I watched

i can't believe Ochaco has a dead gf now (joking)

-did...did momo actually get a decent costume where she doesn't have to be walking fanservice in a way she's uncomfortable with at the literal last minute when we can't even fully see it?

she-she did didn't she. She gets sexualized to hell and back as a teen when it's super unsettling and gets to wear a not stupid looking outfit as an adult when it would be less so. I mean I'm glad I guess but the fact Horikoshi just decided to do that in her last couple panels where it doesn't matter anymore really speaks to having your cake and eating it too huh

-I am shocked Ochaco and Deku don't seem to have gotten together in the end when horikoshi was setting her as a love interest so hard. Though it might be because it really seemed like the last chapter was leaving things open for a sequel (we'll never be free) or maybe Horikoshi didn't want to upset any shippers, wise of him. But it lets me imagine she hooked up with Tsuyu. or maybe both her and momo (i guess iida's there too) who knows.

-I guess Deku lost his quirk again during the battle and then All Might gives him tech the tech girl came up (with Bakugou sponsoring it. i guess that's fine. as his penance) that i guess gives him the advantages of a quirk so it doesn't matter actually. I mean I have been wondering why he and others never just got to use tech to compensate so i guess that's fine, but the sacrifice he apparently made was seemingly meaningless lmao

-I like that MHA was apparently wasted all this time with the villains backstory and how they could be redeemed and how society had failed them then apparently just killed ALL of them at the end? how completely pointless, it's actually extremely funny.

-"Kirishima is popular with the male demographic" yeah i bet he is.

-:/ all the short haired girls have longer hair as adults while everyone else looks largely the same. wow convenient.

-did endeavor die? wait let me check.sigh of course he's alive, but i it appears dabi beat him up so bad he can't stand up on his own (good 4 u dabi) and he's retired i guess that's something. Even dabi is dying slowly horikoshi really could not let a single villain survive lmao

-I do not know why Deku needed to tells that kid that his quirk of creating little flying saucer disks could absolutely be useful as hero if he trains like...obviously it would be? That's a pretty good power? but i guess it's a sweet callback, and I also like that he's a teacher, I think he would be good at that.

-my mind would likely change if I read the nonsense leading up to this. but it wasn't that bad as a final chapter overall, though weirdly low key. definitely comes off as being as ambiguous as possible for the sake of a sequel. at least it wasn't one where we have to follow the child characters who are conveniently carbon copies of their parents. I have closure now.

[taylor-on-your-dash]

AN ANALYS OF WOULD'VE COULD'VE SHOULD'VE THROUGH THE LENS OF RELIGIOUS FAITH

Taylor has written a lot of songs (State of Grace, Holy Ground and False God for example) that reference and/or talk about relationships and love through the lens of religion. Would've Could've Should've is one of them too and we can actually say that the whole song is an extended metaphor.

Let's start with these lyrics:

If I was a child did it matter, if you got to wash your hands?

Here, John Mayer washing his hands can signify two things:

He's refusing to take responsibility. This concept comes from Pontius Pilate symbolically washing his hands of the responsibility of Jesus' crucifixion even though he believed that Jesus was innocent.

He's washing away guilt, like Lady Macbeth washing her hands of Duncan’s blood to try to get rid of the guilt for his murder.

All I used to do was pray / You’re a crisis of my faith

We know that Taylor grew up Christian and still considers herself one, as we know from Miss Americana. She had a Bible on her nightstand, according to a photoshoot she did for People in 2007, and now she's not so sure anymore. She must've been taken comfort in praying, but now she's referring to it using a past tense, meaning she has lost her faith. it was an integral part of her identity and now it's in the past.

The chorus continues the metaphor:

I would've stayed on my knees - this is both a reference to praying and to the universal victory and worship of God: "every knee will bow, and every tongue will swear allegiance” (Isa. 45:23)

And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen - mention of the devil, the ultimate enemy of salvation. she danced with the devil, meaning that she feels like she voluntarily engaged in "immoral" behaviour.

And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven - here she mentions of God and Heaven, the ultimate goal for a Christian, but she's actually swearing on God that dancing with the devil felt like Heaven, which is quite the contradiction. In fact, the whole chorus is a chiasmus that reinforces the anthesis: knees/heaven and God/devil.

If you never touched me, I would've gone along with the righteous / If you never saved me from boredom, I could've gone on as I was / But, Lord, you made me feel important and then you tried to erase us

Touch is an important part of humanity and in the Christian religion Jesus heals others through the touch of his hands. In this case, Taylor is regretting the touch of the devil and the fact that he woke her up from boredom, leading her astray. We also have an interjection (Lord), which mentions God through a metonymy.

God rest my soul / I miss who I used to be / The tomb won't close / Stained glass windows in my mind / I regret you all the time / I can't let this go / I fight with you in my sleep / The wound won't close / I keep on waiting for a sign / I regret you all the time

In what could be the best bridge of her career, Taylor is praying God to let her soul rest in peace, which is a way to say that who she was before John is dead, but the tomb still won’t close cause she can't find closure. Taylor sees love as her religion but her old self who believed in love with the innocence of a child died because of her relationship with John Mayer.

The stained glass windows is probably the most interesting lyric of the track and it ties to the other religious themes in the song. She says that the tomb is in her mind, meaning that she feels trapped with and because of her memories. Stained glass windows can also represent the ones in Catholic Churches that depict an important scenes from the Bible, as if this relationship was reflected as a stained-glass image in her mind. The glass distorts the light that passes through it, just as her life experiences after that relationship were distorted by it. She went from seeing life through rose-colored glasses to stained glass windows, meaning that her view on love and relationships is being looked at through memories that “stain” any optimism and faith in new relationships.

They also represent an actual memory of hers… because at the time John Mayer lived in a parish converted into an apartment, which had stained glass windows.

The last subject I want to touch is “I regret you all the time”, because I feel like if you look at some of the songs written shortly after Dear John and/or her relationship with John Mayer, for example, Back To December: it is quite mind-blowing to consider how the tumultuous relationship with John Mayer influenced her regretting Taylor Lautner… but that's for another post.

[rosieofcorona]

Get to Know Your Tav

I have been begging other people to share their Tavs with me so I figure I’d better do the same!! Thanks to @lewdisescariot for tagging me, this was so fun. 😌

Name: Saraneth of House Atlàn (High Elf, Wizard, School of Necromancy)

Background: Sage

Favorite weapon: Saraneth favors spells over weapons, but she does love a rapier or dagger. Something elegant and light that she can wield with precision, and without relying much on physical strength. 

Style of combat: Ranged, certainly. She is fascinated by death but less so by gore, and she doesn’t like to get her hands dirty if she can help it. Ugh, all that blood. 

Most prized possession: A letter from her father, expressing his pride in her academic achievements at the Red School of Thay. Saraneth’s parents– both politicians in the city– had a difficult time accepting her decision to pursue necromancy instead of one of the more “tasteful” schools of magic. It meant a lot to her when they finally came around. 

Deepest desire: Saraneth's primary goal as a wizard is to prove that necromancy is not an inherently dark magic, and that it can be as much about bringing balance, closure, and comfort as it can be about control. To her, death is an equalizer, and she has no love for those who exploit it for personal gain. She and Gale are in perpetual debate on the subject, but no matter– she’ll convince him, sooner or later. She’s already brought Halsin around. 

Guilty pleasure: Purchasing little luxuries wherever she can find them. If she’s doing the party's shopping, she’ll prioritize what’s on the list— poison-tipped arrows for Astarion, potion bottles for Shadowheart, infernal iron for Karlach— but she’ll also buy that gorgeous little vial of perfume, that expensive bar of soap that makes her skin feel soft and glowy. She’ll even sneak unnecessary treats into the others’ packs, especially those she knows won’t treat themselves. 

Best-kept secret: Likely the latter half of her education, which can lead to misgivings about her character. Initially schooled in Candlekeep, Saraneth was later transferred to Thay for practical studies in necromancy. She was mentored by the Red Wizards and has studied lichdom extensively, though she holds this information close to the vest. 

Greatest strength: Her intelligence and natural magical aptitude. She might be a Chosen herself, if not for her general (and growing) distaste for Mystra’s doctrine.

Fatal flaw: Saraneth has a real “How hard can it be?” mentality that gets her into trouble from time to time. Outwitting a devil? Killing a god? Not a problem, until it is. She’s working on it. Sort of. 

Favorite smell: She misses the smell of her mother’s gardens in the Gate, iris and bergamot and nerium all together, but she’s recently grown fond of campfire smoke and rainwater, soaked into the earth. 

Favorite spell or cantrip: Animate Dead, but not for the reasons one might assume. She finds it a useful tool in helping the dead finish unfinished business. Bodies desecrated by Balthazar will bring his ruin. Druids felled by Ketheric Thorm will break his curse. Saraneth will never wake a restful spirit. She sees no need to raise the peaceful dead. 

Pet peeve: Gale’s terrible, eye-rolling puns, which she swears he doubles down on just to exasperate her. What’s worse is when she actually finds them funny. 

Bad habit: Like many elves, Saraneth can be overly concerned with appearances. She’s a bit vain, but she tries her best not to fixate on her hair or her nails or her skin when there are far more important matters to attend to. Still, she’ll sneak a peek at herself in Astarion’s mirror every now and again. Just to make sure she's still got it.

Hidden talent: She’s excellent with children, whether she’s soothing them or playing with them or getting them out of– or into– mischief. She’s also surprisingly good at knife tricks. She doesn’t let these talents mingle.

Leisure activity: She’s an avid poetry reader, and has taken to translating some of the Elvish epics into the common tongue to make them more accessible. Maybe she’ll publish a book of translations one day, when their adventures have come to an end. Now and then she thinks this hobby is a little on the pretentious side, but then again, what was all that expensive schooling for?

Favorite drink: Any sweet liquor– she detests beer or whiskey, but a Suzailian or Amnian dessert wine will go down nicely. 

Comfort food: There’s a traditional elven dish– long-grain rice with wild mushroom, seared in fat and soaked in broth and topped with cheese and spiced persimmon. She mentions it often, but especially when she’s homesick. She can’t remember the exact recipe, but Gale is hard at work perfecting it already.

Favorite person: She’s closest to Gale and Shadowheart, though she loves everyone in their little band of adventurers. She’s a bit surprised when she falls in love with Gale, but they’ve got a lot in common despite the different paths they’ve taken to get where they are. And she is fast friends with Shadowheart, who understands what it’s like to live beneath the judgment of others. 

Favorite display of affection: She’s very tactile and finds that any soft touch will do, but she often finds herself playing with Gale’s hair– combing it, braiding it, brushing it out of his face. She loves it when he does the same, though he’s still learning some of her more intricate hairstyles. If he braids her hair for her, she never fixes it. 

Fondest childhood memory: Saraneth still remembers the time that her mother stayed home to care for her during a particularly violent illness, a job usually reserved for a member of their household staff. She remembers the steam rising from the bath as her mother washed her hair, the fresh feel of newly-washed bed linens, the smell of broth wafting into her room from the kitchens. Her mother has always been reserved in her affections, but Saraneth had never felt more loved. 

Tagging folks but feel free to do this if you like and if you’d prefer not to, that’s cool too: @diawh0re, @eelqueen, @an-drawer, @orehuna, @rowanisawriter, @durgeteriormotives

[ecargmura]

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End Episode 15 Review - Sein's A Healer, But...

Wow, is December a month of romance or something? Last week’s episode had some Stark x Fern moments and a huge Frieren x Himmel moment and now today’s episode has a huge Stark x Fern moment. What’s hilarious is that while the Stark and Fern moment may be the highlight, it’s actually not the focus of the episode. In fact, this episode mainly focuses on the male party members with Sein focusing on the first half and Stark on the second.

Sein’s love for MILFs is hilarious, but the first half of the episode mainly focuses on his capabilities. He’s a priest, which means he’s a healer, but how does he fare in combat? Surprisingly, Sein’s very capable with offensive magic too. He’s not just a healer as holy magic has its offensive skills too. I like that! Sein fighting the Chaos Flower may be reckless on his part, but it does make sense as he hasn’t built trust with Frieren yet. However, this was a lesson on Sein’s part as even if he hasn’t gotten to know Frieren yet, he still needs to trust in her capabilities. He definitely deserved that head pat from Frieren onee-san. Also, the Chaos Flower is really gross-looking; it kind of reminds me of that monster plant from Jumanji in a way.

I like how Stark was mainly used as a sort of mouthpiece for the world building aspect of this half of the episode. The usefulness of priests hadn’t been in the spotlight much, so it was nice that Frieren explains everything to him without shaming his lack of knowledge. It’s cool knowing the types of magic and why Frieren never sought to learn the Goddess’ Magic—it’s too intricate and she doesn’t believe in the Goddess. This does worry me, however. If Sein is only a temporary party member, how will Frieren’s party deal with curses in the future?

The second half of the episode focuses on Stark. A Lord notices Stark and has a request for him; he wants him to fill in for his late son for the upcoming soiree just to build up morale for the military. Surprisingly, his late son looks identical to Stark. Because the party lacks money, they decide to accept the request, begrudgingly on Stark’s end. It was cool knowing that Stark has distant relatives as Orden was once from the same village. Though, it’s sad learning that the entire village was wiped out, meaning Stolz, Stark’s brother is most likely dead.

I do like how this portion is like a mirror of Stark’s past with his father and brother. Lord Orden is a kinder version of his father and Stark could see Mut, Orden’s second son, in himself. I believe it’s like a closure in a way. While Orden did seem to grow attached to Stark throughout the three months of having him stay at the manor, Orden and Stark are still strangers at the end of the day. Orden will never be Stark’s father and Stark will never be Wirt, Orden’s late eldest son. Though, it was sweet that Orden was considering adopting Stark.

The highlight of the episode was definitely the ballroom dancing scene with Stark and Fern. The animator for that segment, Myoun, stated that everything was animated by hand without the use of CG. They got the help of a dance school for the movement! That’s amazing. I especially loved the way the skirt of Fern’s ballgown twirled. Frieren’s animation team never skimps with fabric animation. My favorite part of that scene is the moment Stark, who’s normally passive, takes the initiative and leads the dance after seeing how nervous Fern was. I was also gushing at how beautiful both of them looked in that scene. Stark looks great with his hair brushed back and Fern is so pretty with her hair styled in a bun. The music was beautiful. It was so romantic; it also gave me the same vibes as the dance scene from Anastasia where she sang Once Upon A December.

Overall, this was a very good episode that gives insight to the male party members. It feels like a matter of time until they reach Auberst. What will happen before they get there? What will happen once they reach there? What are your thoughts on this episode?

[jojolightningfingers]

the hell of vegeta swearing to never fight again is that he actually follows through, at least in the beginning.

there are seven years between cell and buu. in every version of the media i’ve gone through--english manga, uncut dub, uncut jp, kai dub--bulma says that vegeta has trained the last five years before the tournament. which can only mean that there was a two year gap right after the cell games where he didn’t train at all.

and like. can you really blame him. his purpose in life has been cut out from under him not once but twice, first by goku attaining super saiyan and avenging their people by killing freeza, and then by goku’s decision to stay dead and deny him the opportunity to surpass him. his strength has proven insufficient time and again no matter how hard he works, overshadowed by a boy half his age. his pride hinges on both of those things and even before that was mercilessly trampled on. he dies on namek crying at the feet of both of his bitterest enemies, begging one to kill the other for his sake, after being thoroughly thrashed in front of an audience of people weaker than him (no basia, i won’t get over this). he has no people. no planet. no purpose, power, or pride. i really do think the only things keeping him going by this point are inertia and spite.

what he does have is has seven years to gnaw on a question that will not let him rest. why is goku so much stronger than he is, being what he is? why is he so inadequate? almost without doubt, this is the absolute nadir of vegeta’s existence: at least, the nadir for the man he thinks he has to be, or can’t reconcile not being. if he has nothing, if the last things tethering him to his supposed innate nature (to borrow a turn of phrase from @kanthia, shameless plug,) are torn away from him, what is left for him to do but accept defeat and submit to change?

what he doesn’t know yet is that that’s okay. he doesn’t know yet, but the seven years that goku is no longer a presence in his life is perhaps the best thing goku could have possibly given him. there’s space for new things to grow where his animosity and aggression burned holes in him. even if vegeta is still focused on nursing the embers of that blaze and ignoring the encroaching growth as hard as he can (bulma mentions to gohan that he’s dead set on making trunks stronger than him, and why would he care about that goal specifically otherwise), he is still beginning to care about things that the old him wouldn’t.

and then.

and then all of a sudden, goku is back in the picture. there is now a window, fleeting as it may be, for vegeta to get some answers he probably thought he’d never get. there is now the terrible possibility that he can put things ‘right’. and goku’s willing to let him take that shot and get those answers, right up until the whole business surrounding buu disrupts everything and then he isn’t anymore.

because the thing is, they were scheduled to fight each other before anybody else. vegeta was not supposed to see the gap between him and goku until he was experiencing it for himself, and then his only recourse would be to demand answers from goku--who would surely give them, to the best of his ability!--or to come to his own conclusions and act from there. instead, he's given time to realize that he’s still inferior, he still doesn’t understand why, and most importantly that babidi is an option. there is a way, at the cost of his will.

submitting to babidi to force goku’s hand and close the gap is the act of a man who knows that he is running out of time. vegeta’s pride would not possibly have allowed this unless he was so desperate for closure that he couldn’t see another way. for ten years he’s been trying to rebuild a sandcastle below the high tide line, and it’s not that he’s too stupid to move farther up so he isn’t freshly shattered at every pass--it’s just that trying to power through in the face of futility is literally all that he knows to do. he has been coming apart, stitch by stitch, his worldview and his preconceptions of destiny and self dissolving under his feet in slow motion ever since he met goku. this is the last chance he has, and he knows it. he knows he’s not going to see goku in the afterlife, even before he asks piccolo.

what the fuck else was he supposed to do?

the beauty of his sacrifice is that he still has the mark of evil on his forehead when he dies, even though he’s bucked babidi’s mind control by that point. he chooses to symbolically and very literally raze his old self to the ground for the sake of all that his new self cares for. WHICH IS WHY, his coming back to life actually narratively works for his character: new growth roots in ashes, phoenixes and sapling trees both.

[hatsbattlecats]

Their first gathering happens, but Mosspaw leaves Fire/Grey/Raven to go talk to the other medicine cats with Spottedleaf. Either Spottedleaf or Mudfur mentions it’s strange that Barkface didn’t show up to the last med cat meeting at the half moon, and how strange it is that he isn’t here now since Tallstar is usually very punctual

Fire and Grey still overhear Ravenpaw telling the tale of sunningrocks, and Tigerclaw still overhears. Brokenstar still demands hunting rights and reveals that he drove out Windclan, however, in this version, Bluestar already had suspicions that he’d done this as informed by a patrol of her own sent to give a message to Tallstar, and also from Spottedleaf, who brought news of Barkface’s absence from the meeting and the smell of Shadowclan in Windclan’s territory

When the clan starts rallying to go back and get rid of Yellowfang, Firepaw runs ahead, and Mosspaw stays back with the others to explain what he knows to Spottedleaf since he’s been spending a good deal of time helping Firepaw care for Yellowfang, and has heard plenty of stories from her. He’s certain Brokenstar is lying, and says as much to his mentor.

When everyone returns from the gathering, and many of them call for Yellowfang to be killed or thrown out, Mosspaw is right there with Firepaw ready to leap to her defense before Bluestar tells everyone to knock it off and stop being paranoid.

When Bluestar announces that she’s going to the moonstone, Firepaw already knows what it is (courtesy of Mosspaw) and is instead intrigued about why Bluestar is going now. She’s not a medicine cat, and she’s already been granted her nine lives.

During the Shadowclan attack while bluestar and the others were gone is when Mosspaw experiences his first real encounter with death in the forest, to actually SEE it happen. Redtail was already dead when he had first joined the clan, but the battle with Shadowclan? Rosetail, and Lionheart, both of them perished. He’d tried to save Rosetail, she was on the edge of the battle and Yellowfang had stepped in when the tortoiseshell had fallen to protect the kits, but she’d already lost too much blood. 

After the battle, he’d helped Spottedleaf care for everyone else, but he was stuck in a mixture of shock and grief, going through the movements and barely speaking beyond asking his clanmates where they were hurt.

Spottedleaf sits him down afterwards and they have a talk. She tells him that this is the hardest lesson he will learn as a medicine cat, that he can’t save everyone. When starclan calls, not even the most gifted of medicine cats can keep a cat among the living.

Things become progressively worse for Ravenpaw after the battle, and he starts hiding out in the medicine cat den with Mosspaw when Tigerclaw isn’t sending him on dangerous missions or fetch quests.The two apprentices grow close in this time, and Mosspaw starts having Ravenpaw assist him with herb gathering to get the other apprentice out of Tigerclaw’s grasp as much as possible. During one such herb gathering, Ravenpaw actually confides his secret to Mosspaw before he ever tells Firepaw and Greypaw, though Mosspaw encourages him to tell them too

Spottedleaf is killed by Tigerclaw after she confronts him about killing her brother both to help the apprentice gang gather proof, and for her own closure on the matter. Spottedleaf may be weaker, but she’s faster and more agile, as well as clever. The two of them are distracted from their fight by Clawface and his accomplice running away with Frostfur’s kits. Tigerclaw takes advantage of her distraction and finishes her off.

He comes back into camp just after Frostfur sounds the alarm about her missing kits. He claims to everyone that Clawface and Yellowfang (who slipped out when the alarm went up) stole the kits, and that he totally saw them. He had been out with spottedleaf and tried to fight them back for the kits, but poor Spottedleaf was killed by Clawface while he was trying to chase down the other thief.

Bluestar asks him if he’s sure he was Yellowfang, and (just in case he were to be caught in the lie) says that he isn’t sure, that they “ran past him so fast all he saw was a blur of grey before he turned back to help spottedleaf, but it was too late”

Mosspaw helps Willowpelt prepare Spottedleaf for burial. It’s at this point that Mosspaw notices TIGERCLAW’S fur in Spottedleaf’s claws. He goes to tell Firepaw, but the orange apprentice is already vowing revenge on Clawface, and Mosspaw realizes that not even Firepaw would imagine that Tigerclaw would harm a medicine cat. Not yet at least. Mosspaw wants to go with Fire/Grey/Raven to find Yellowfang and prove her innocence. He’s heard her stories about her past (not all of them of course) and he knows she’d never harm a kit, but Bluestar keeps him behind, telling him that Thunderclan just lost a medicine cat, they cannot risk loosing another

He manages a goodbye to Ravenpaw before the trio leaves, and remains in camp while Firepaw and Greypaw proceed as canon in liberating Shadowclan with Yellowfang’s help. Yellowfang returns with them to clear her name and also to become Mosspaw’s new mentor to finish his training.

After Spottedleaf is buried, Mosspaw finally removes his ribbon collar, leaving it on her grave as a thank-you for everything she taught him. As well as a promise to her that he will always stay with and protect the clan in her stead, for as long as he lives, and theneven longer from beyond when he someday joins her in starclan’s ranks.

[jesse-pinko]

how do u feel about breaking bad’s ending? i love breaking bad to death but my hatred of walt cant accept felina. i kinda understand what vince was going for but for me it doesnt align with the actions have consequences philosophy of the show. he deserved so much worse. i hate that jesse’s life was still in his hands and his choice to make. the only choice jesse gets thats truly his own is alsaka. you hate walt as passionately as i do so i was wondering if u agree.

Heyy @axolotlv sorry it took me so long to get around to answer this but honestly I haven’t quite parsed my feelings ab Felina myself, which is weird to think ab bc BrBa has been my hyperfixation for like six?? Some odd years?? It’s been awhile and there is no cure in sight. However I do have to disagree w your opinion on Jesse’s ending, esp now that we have the added context of El Camino to go off of. I thought it was perfect. I talked before in my post on Todd and Lydia as character foils to Jesse and Walt ab how Jesse strangling Todd is him freeing himself from a prison of both Walt’s making and his own, seeing as Todd and Lydia are both responsible for Jesse’s imprisonment and how they parallel Jesse and Walt respectively. I think the Gilliverse in general does a good job of both holding Jesse accountable for his choices while cutting him some moral slack on account of Walter’s abuse of power towards him. Jesse’s life is in Walter’s hands because Walter has essentially kept him in a state of mental captivity over the last few seasons, but he is the one who makes the choice to end it, by refusing to do Walt’s dirty work for him anymore, by refusing to commit another act of violence on his behalf. By putting the gun down. And in El Camino, he chooses not just to go to Alaska, but to accept what he has done and redeem himself not through jail time, but through becoming a better person, becoming the kind of person who puts as much good into the world as he did bad. And as much as we the viewers might have wanted Jesse to shoot Walter in the dick, at the end of the day, Jesse loves Walt. Despite everything, because of everything, Jesse loves and hates Walter as much as one might an actual abusive parent, and I think actually shooting Walt would have followed him for the rest of his life, no matter how justified he might have been in doing so.

With regards to Walter’s ending… my feelings are mixed. I’m willing to accept it because I think it brought Jesse a sense of closure that a more fitting punishment for Walt might not have, which was maybe the point. That it’s not about Walter anymore. He’s dead, his story is done, and he was so far gone that the only thing he could do in the way of redemption was do right by the person he hurt and loved the most. He allows Jesse’s story to continue at the expense of his own, and it’s maybe the first selfless thing he’s ever done in his life. And maybe the only thing he ever really did for his family. And, maybe, that he got what he wanted was also the point. Because on the surface, he’s had everything stripped away, he didn’t get what he wanted at all. Everyone who has ever met him wants him dead, including his whole family, his empire has fallen as soon and as fast as it rose. But all of those things were just stand-ins for what Walter really wanted, which was some agency over his own death, because he felt as though he didn’t have any over his own life (good thing he didn’t project this lack of agency onto anyone else, huh). So it’s sort of a monkey’s paw thing, where he gets what he wants, a good, meaningful death, at the expense of a good, meaningful life. Narratively speaking, it’s brilliant.

But I still kind of wish Jesse had shot him in the dick.

[chevelleneech]

Why Eddie should NOT also have encephalitis.

One, it’d be excruciatingly lazy writing. We went through an entire episode of Chim suffering virus as he battled his inner demons, and Kenneth carried the fuck out of every scene. Having Eddie go through the exact same thing, just in a more drawn out way would be so… disrespectful, from a storytelling perspective. Because why not give that time to the character who establishes the virus being an issue in the first place?

As well, no matter what anyone says, Eddie is white Latino, so it’d also feel odd to me that they glossed over an Asian man getting a nice weighty plot line about grief and fear, just to give it to the same white man who has spent five seasons dealing with grief and trauma. Now, this isn’t me saying Eddie has to be over his issue already, but giving them the same virus yet giving Eddie a multi-ep arc over Chimney would be shitty.

Therefore, I think Eddie simply needs to be written as finally hitting rock bottom. Yes, we’ve seen him spiral and we’ve seen him broken down emotionally, but we haven’t seen him reach such a low point of self-sabotage. Whether Kim is meant to be Shannon’s doppelgänger or just a woman he is projecting her physicality on to, doesn’t matter. What matters is Eddie has reached a point on his grief and understanding of self, that he’s (if written well) lost control of his ability to process his feelings.

He likes Marisol before finding out she was a nun, and he’s clearly forcing himself to remain in a relationship with her, but being uncertain about her doesn’t give him permission to cheat. At the same time, I am very curious if he’s going to cheat at all.

It’s very possible Eddie met up with Kim to find out if Shannon has a li g lost twin or other family as we know sometimes cousins can be identical too. He could also tell Kim flat out that he lost his wife and she looks like him and he asked her out in an effort to see if she’d give him the closure he never got. Which would be very strange, but not out of the realm of possibility given again, he is likely not in control of how his grief is manifesting and he’s lost control of how to process it.

As well, if he does cheat, the same things apply. Eddie is looking for closure where he has no business being, and it’s not going to end well, I don’t think. For one, he lied to Buck and Marisol about it, so whether or not he cheats, I think they’ll both be hurt.

Marisol, obviously because he possibly cheats on her after freaking out about her past, but also he’s seeing his dead wife (look-a-like or projected) and that’s a difficult reality to swallow, when there’s so much grief and unsaid things left on the table.

Buck, because he believes Eddie to be his Person. They claim to go to each other with all their problems and trust each other implicitly, so imagine him finding out his best friend is in so much distress and grief still, that he couldn’t tell him he’s essentially seeing his dead wife. And if he does cheat, it becomes an issue that Eddie is spiraling so hard, he’s made Buck an unwilling accomplice in hurting Marisol after already telling Buck he isn’t sure about her. So it’s a matter of Buck having to figure out if Eddie is actually grief stricken or if he’s just using that to cheat, because Buck already knows he wanted to breakup with Marisol.

Regardless, there’s a lot of potential story here that would make so much sense, and I hope they do it well. This season has been so rocky with what feels like basically zero follow-through, so I’m not optimistic. Perhaps they’ll tie Eddie’s trauma into Bobby’s in order to do a cliffhanger? Idk, but if it’s just a cheating arc to get rid of Marisol, I’ll be disappointed.

[ncisfranchise-source]

Though TVLine has made a case for why any number of cast members/characters from NCIS‘ past could/should return for any possible on-screen tribute to the late David McCallum, there are also very valid reasons why that RSVP list might turn out to be quite limited.

Heading into its 21st season come February 2024, CBS’ NCIS cast now boasts zero original cast members, seeing as — if you get technical (and people do) — Sean Murray (who plays McGee) and Brian Dietzen (Dr. Palmer) did not become series regulars until Seasons 2 and 10, respectively. (Rocky Carroll made his debut as Vance in Season 5, and joined the cast in Season 6.)

As such, from go, any episode that might aim to give McCallum/Dr. Donald Mallard a proper sendoff will be light on colleagues who actually worked alongside McCallum/Ducky for more than a third of the well-watched series’ run.

That is why, when speculating about any “Ducky tribute” episode (no official plans have been announced, yet), there have been cries of, “Well, Mark Harmon/Gibbs has to be there!”

“Yes! And Michael Weatherly/DiNozzo!”

“Ooh, a perfect time for a #Tiva reunion, if Cote de Pablo comes back…”

“But don’t forget Emily Wickersham! We need closure on Bishop’s exit!”

“Can we also get visits from some ghosts of dead characters, too??”

Yeah, you can see how this can get very out of hand.

The fact is that — any scheduling/availability issues aside — you can’t simply “bring back” Gibbs. Or DiNozzo. Or any of the above. No matter how much their presence might be warranted for this occasion.

I mean, you can absolutely bring back Gibbs — especially if Mark Harmon knows about it. But then you’ll have to commit some dialogue/screen time to coaxing updates out of the team’s taciturn former leader.

Ditto Weatherly/Tony and de Pablo/Ziva, who have not shared a scene together in more than a decade (but presumably reunited off-screen after de Pablo’s most recent solo visit). An appearance by Tali’s father or both her parents will consume much storytelling oxygen, since fans of that primetime supercouple will want/need to know how their unconventional family unit is faring.

And if Emily Bishop resurfaces after abruptly peace-ing out on NCIS — including Nick, her apparent boyfriend…? There will be those demanding some i’s be dotted and t’s get crossed on that front.

What that all adds up to is, if you accommodate even two of the aforementioned returns, suddenly this Very Special Episode is a lot less about David McCallum and Ducky, and more about “Boss, what kind of fish are you catching in Alaska?” and “Sooo, might Tali get a big brother or sister anytime soon?”

Is that a trade-off you’re willing to make, all in the name of a well-attended trip down memory lane?

Or do you see some other option that brings back many of the above but successfully “cheats” us on proper catch-ups?

Me, I could be content with a Case of the Week that thoroughly vexes Dr. Palmer as he mourns a recently passed Dr. Mallard. But it’s flashbacks of wisdom imparted over the years, by Ducky, that helps Jimmy near single-handedly crack the case, ahead of a proper memorial for his mentor.

[wafflesinthe504]

The Rookie 5x04 Thoughts

This is probably going to be pretty long and just me dumping out some of my thoughts on the episode so....

Overall, the episode was interesting and kept me entertained throughout. The ending was predictable since the audience for the most knows that Nolan probably not going to take out Rosalind because of his nobleness that has been touched on throughout the series with even Rosalind speaking about it.

Also as few other people have said John and Rosalind's stand off did remind me of Criminal Minds with Reid and Kat. Though the Rookie's take on it was as suspenseful as Criminal Minds because the audience knows that John isn't truly at a breaking point where he would actually take out Rosalind. Reid and Kat's standoff is more suspenseful because even though the potential for physical damage isn't as high the emotional and mental damage is there because they're playing a game of manipulation to see who can win. In this case Reid wins the battle as he is willing to meet Kat at her level and manipulate her the same way she's trying to manipulate him. (If anyone hasn't watched the Criminal Minds is interested in watching it it's called Entropy, 11x11.)

It was nice to see some call backs to 2x11 no matter how direct/ indirect they were. The main one being the fact the death trap is a large cylinder reminiscent of the barrel Lucy was in. Lucy giving CPR to Bailey the calling back her own CPR given to her by Tim. This time Lucy gets do the saving instead of the one being saved.

(Of course Bailey was a paddle boarder when she was younger. At this point I think the writers are doing it on purpose and are having fun with all of Bailey's hobbies and jobs)

Even though everyone meeting in the shop was necessary to avoid the cameras in the house it also provided just a bit of room to breathe in an intense episode. In a way it was sort of a safe space for both the characters and the audience.

Seeing Tim take over with trying to comfort Bailey when Lucy couldn't was nice to see. Oh, how Tim has grown. Also, Lucy deciding to stay with Bailey probably stemming from her own experience and knowing the worst thing when in this type of situation is being alone and wanting Bailey to know she wasn't going to be alone was something that I really appreciated in the episode.

As much as it would have been great to see Lucy be the one to have a standoff with Rosalind, I'm okay with how it ended up playing out. I'm glad that Lucy at least got to get some sort of closure with seeing that Rosalind is dead rather than her just hearing it from someone else. I honestly didn't think that the Rookie would have the guts to actually take out Rosalind. I thought that they would let her be arrested again and let her final trial be at the end of the season or at least let her survive to push the interest in The Rookie: Feds. Looks like Jefferey will possibly be the next Caleb.

I think The Rookie is going to have a pretty hard time making a better antagonist than Rosalind Dyer.

Anyways I enjoyed the episode and I'm looking forward to the next one.

Might do another post about some alternative ideas I have for I had for this episode.

Here's a Chenford gif for everyone.

[mdhwrites]

Go Watch A Old Man Called Otto

TL:DR: This is the best movie I’m going to see this year because movies this good, and a like this, don’t get made often enough. It is a genuinely, heartfelt story about, life, loss, grieving, the impact we have on others, etc. like that. Frankly, I would like this to be the modern “It’s a Wonderful Life” because while that movie is great, this one is a perfect update to its themes and topics. Seriously. Go watch this movie. Also CW: Attempted Suicide, Self Harm Topics and those that go with those. This was a movie I watched because my dad really loved it but I’d be lying if the one line synopsis didn’t worry me. “A grouchy old man who’s planning his demise is stopped short by a cheerful family moving in.”

It is explicitly a movie about suicide. About a man who wants to end his life. And it’s not just talked about. Every scene where Otto is alone evokes the question of “Okay, is this scene safe or how is this leading to an attempt on his life.” Even innocuous things can suddenly turn outright horrifying. And then fucking hilarious. I will be avoiding spoilers for the most part but this movie manages an absolutely INSANE feat where it is both a dark comedy while being absurdly respectful of the subject matter. It does not trivialize suicide for its jokes. Instead, it plays some of them straight and some of them get a laugh or can be enhanced by an internal joke. Hell, its FIRST scene is of Otto going to a hardware store and buying five feet of rope. Rope at that store is 99 cents per yard. They charge him for two yards of rope. Six feet. He is buying five feet of rope. GUESS WHY I REMEMBER THIS STATISTICS VIVIDLY!? And this is actually why I wanted to really shout out this movie because my experience with suicidal behavior and thoughts is driven by despair and clinical depression. It is deeply illogical which is why I fear a lack of thoughts far more than the painful ones. The ones that tell me my future is pointless and that contribute nothing can be argued with with reminders of those who love me. Who care about me. The work I’ve done. They don’t help entirely. I’ve literally attacked myself to try to get the thoughts to stop. But I fear a void of thoughts more. Because there’s no reminder of the good, there’s only the pain and me then. This has led to the closest I’ve ever come to killing myself, a night I’m still not comfortable talking in specifics about in public. It’s led to me smashing my skull against a telephone poll so hard I was seeing white flashes but not stopping because I didn’t care about the pain. It’s sudden, it’s violent and my writing of suicide and self harm is painted by those experiences. This movie showed me both how a man can get to a point where calling his electric company to get the power cut off isn’t enough time to get rid of those thoughts. Where the void IS your existence so even if you can act like yourself, there isn’t anything keeping you there. Where your perception of others and your life need to get to in order to get to that place where you can make every preparation required so as not to damage your house even if you need to GO.

And part of that is that I really, truly respect the movie for not doing a suicide note. I have talked to others about the romanticism of a suicide note. How it gives closure to those around them. An explanation. But if you’re so dark that you need it all to end, worrying about others enough to want to give them those answers is enough to reach out and get some help. Because suicide is one of the hardest things for a human being to do. ANY lifeline will be taken just by instinct. If there is someone who you can think of in the moment as not wanting you dead... You’re almost certainly not going to do it. Does that mean suicide notes don’t exist? No. Of course they do. I’ve admitted that I’ve written a story that was effectively a suicide note. I spent HOURS talking to a friend who wrote a story that was their suicide note and because of that they changed the ending of the story to one where someone was able to help and stop them. To give them a little bit of light back in their world. My mom had written one when she was a teenager. She told me when I talked to her about this subject months ago. You might also notice all these people are still alive. So there is some personal life experience to back this sentiment up. And with Otto, the point is that he is a grouchy old man. The movie definitely plays with themes of tradition versus present, what is lost, what is gained (admittedly it leans on what is lost as being better but mostly for the right reasons. The only scene in the movie that rubbed me the wrong way is redeemed by how it ends and how it comes back around but I can’t go into specifics without spoilers) and the contrast of that. It even has LGBTQIA+ representation though I won’t spoil how that I think is done well. It has PoC representation that is done well, with even one person being paralleled to Otto and Otto looking like the asshole but for all the right reasons and it doesn’t diminish who Otto is. But... When you’re a grouchy old man living alone, having just retired and seeing the whole world change around you... Who would you even have a note to write to? Why would you bother with one amongst all the rest of your preparations when a soul to connect is probably the thing you’re looking for the most?

And on a personal level... It does make me wonder where my dad would be without his wife and family. He feels like he’s growing more frustrated with things every year. Not because of them damn liberals, neither is Otto, but because retirement hasn’t been what he wanted. His kids haven’t turned out the way he wanted and people seem to just be becoming idiots more and more, including his kids in some ways. It took years for my dad to finally just stop bringing up the topic of work with me and I know he is almost certainly still frustrated with my disability, even as he tries his best to show understanding towards it. Admittedly, it’s FAR more reasonable after my brother abused my parents’ kindness and understanding for half a year while he faked disability so... *sigh* I won’t say that my opinion of A Man Called Otto is unbiased. It hits a lot of topics I care about with an archtype I love and I am a slice of life person to my core and so much of this is able to somehow keep a lighter tone than the subject matter would make you expect, at least to be respectful to it, while also just being a very real look into life and the importance of those people who, even if they’re grouchy, you can always rely on being there when you need them. And the kindness that breeds in return. So please: Go watch A Man Called Otto. One of my favorite movies of all time now. Edit: I forgot to mention this but the main character is played by Tom Hanks and yet the female lead in the movie is just about on par with him. She is INCREDIBLE. Honestly, just in general the cinematography, pacing, writing etc.and especially the acting is top fucking notch. It’s just a damn good movie.

[moipale]

the maddie-jack-vlad college trio make me literally insane. NO they aren't that deep in the show but so be it! we are all in the building-upon-canon's-barebones-foundation trenches, alright, and the college trio/family breakfast dynamic is my hill to die on

cos like. what an insane premise to start with, first of all. 3 people, potentially the ONLY three people ever, pioneering a niche almost-pseudoscience together in college. young twentysomethings with probably zero funding to their name and a batshit dream to follow. and as it turns out their science is legitimate, ghosts are real, and their first (that we know) proof of it all is literally enough to murder 1/3 of them.

vlad masters gets an ectoplasm facial & next thing he knows is he's hospitalized, he's half-dead, and his best friends, the only canonical connections he has have completely abandoned him. the accident happened and they dropped trow and ran. & vlad spends twenty excruciating years stewing in that abandonment. (idr if twenty is canonical but it makes sense given how old danny and jazz are)

and thats all just backstory! the college trio's relationship is already smoldering ashes by the time we get to it; we only actually see the long aftermath, where vlad is obsessed with the fentons and they act like they never abandoned him. it's such a compelling premise, with so much room to explore all three of their characters and motivations, and canon SPITS ON IT by dumbing down the consequences to "vlad is a big bad villain with a homewrecker complex." the college trio is deeply compelling to me in the sense of what it could and should be & there are a few particular points that i will truly die on a hill about:

a) vlad's anger/betrayal should be directed at both the fentons, not just jack. regardless of what or who actually caused the accident, they were both there, and both contributed to the proto-portal. more damningly, though, they both left him alone for the years afterward. they even went and got married, cementing their bond and leaving him all the more alone by comparison.

b) maddie and jack should have reason/motivation for abandoning vlad, and they should each be different. no friendship can be walked away from like that without strings attached. for that matter--when vlad hosts the reunion, the fentons attend without a second thought, even after leaving him so long ago. why? have they been thinking about him as much as he has thought about them, these past twenty years? (yes!!!!!!!!! there was no closure to what happened! of course he has haunted them! look what they did!)

c) the fentons should FIND OUT WHAT THEY DID. in any iteration of their story--whether vlad is danny's villain, or he's just a man, or he reconciles with the fentons--i think that jack and maddie should learn the consequences of the portal accident. i dont say this out of malice. vlad is, in most iterations, a bad person, in more ways than can be attributed to his half-death. and the portal accident was an accident. these are true things. it is just so deeply, deeply narratively compelling to have them find out. they made a mistake, they left it behind, it has dogged their thoughts for twenty years, and--oops! it was always as bad as you feared it was, in fact worse! you killed someone! you killed your best friend! the potential for themes of guilt and betrayal and preventable tragedy make me off the wall fucking bonkers.

im enamored with the college trio's story because it is so messy and so tragic and it has so much potential, whether flavored as enmity or friendship or any variation of romance (especially family breakfast). augh. ive written three fics about them already with a fourth on the way via invisobang and i am nowhere near done exorcising the thoughts they've stirred

[mulderscully]

Do you wish the hallway kids was canon or do you think they made the right call

i'm gonna assume you mean the ftf hallway kiss lol

um, tbh i don't know. i think them kissing in that way where it's kinda implied he's taking her back to this apartment to have sex really would have changed the trajectory of their relationship for sure. i know a lot of people give mulder shit for 1. not reciprocating scully's flirting in s5 (esp in detour when she comes to his motel room) and 2. for all the diana stuff. but i'm a mulder coded mulder girl so i try to see things from his pov even tho as writing choices they weren't the best.

i think mulder, by s5/ftf, know he is in love with scully and vice versa. but i also think mulder has really deep seated trauma in regards to his sister's abduction. before mulder met scully, i don't think he had any sort of genuine human connection with another person - not just romantic connection, but ANY connection. he's an outcast, he's on a mission, he's traumatized, etc. he has these weird bonds with manipulative women, such as phoebe and diana but they obv don't mean much to him bc before scully all that mattered was finding sam and/or getting justice for her. he can kiss and fuck them bc he doesn't really care if they exit from his life.

but then he meets scully, and because he has CANONICALLY known scully in countless lifetimes before, she quickly becomes THE most important person in his entire life and when someone is the ONLY friend you have in the world and the only person who doesn't look down on you, it's hard to risk jeopardizing that which is why i think mulder ACTIVELY choses not to kiss scully, not to have sex with her etc. if they ruin what they have, he will literally lose everything that makes his life have meaning. he knows he can't get to the truth without scully by his side, but he also cannot live without her in general. if scully had died he would have killed himself. i genuinely think this. it's like how much he loves scully paralyzes him and watching her almost die just drove that further in, but when scully is going to leave him in ftf because she thinks she doesn't matter to him, THAT'S when he can't help but want to kiss her but if he actually had... then what would they have done?

at that time mulder still was on his mission, scully chose to work with him on it even when he tells her she is right to want to leave him. but he also knows that scully wants kids, she wants a "normal" life (or at least she thinks she does) and he cannot give her that at that point. if they had gotten together at that point, i think it would've been really hard bc of that aspect. it would've hurt them both. this is guilt mulder carries his entire life, that he wasn't able to give her the life she deserved but i think they could have and should have had it at the end of s8. but i don't think they could have in s5 or 6. so i do think cutting the kiss off, as frustrating as it is, is understandable. seeing them 0.001 inches from kissing shows us what their feelings are, but they still didn't cross any line they couldn't uncross.

part of me hates to say it, but i think mulder NEEDED the closure of knowing his sister was dead in order to move on with his life. he needed her to die for him to come back to life. which is why he says in "closure", after seeing her spirit, that he's free. he knows. he can stop looking. and that's why they are able to 1. have sex in s7. 2. actively PLAN to have a child together.

i honestly love the very slow progression of mulder and scully's relationship, i love the ambiguity of it. i do wish parts of it had been handled differently/better (no medical rape for scully, no sons given up, can we see them kiss? etc) but i wouldn't change anything about what their relationship is.

that said, i have rewatched the hallway kiss so many times it's burned into my eyelids.

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 24 - Post Break Up [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, lovers to enemies, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Break ups are never easy.

Series Masterlist

A real spy, a good spy didn’t get scared.

That was one of the most important things they had taught you back at the academy. Being scared got you killed, so you always had to look for weapons or something you could use to save yourself.

Save yourself, take the target down if you can, and if you can’t; get out of there as soon as possible.

For some reason, none of those options felt like they would work against the most feared assassin in the world. Bucky tilted his head, his gaze bored into yours and you stole a look at the counter from the corner of your eye to see what you could use against him.

“Oh come on, do we really have to do that?”

You grabbed the knife on the counter, flipping it in your hand.

“What kind of an assassin would I be if I didn’t fight back?”

He pulled his brows together.

“Fight back?” he asked but before he could say anything else, you had already lunged at him. He dodged the knife way too easily and grabbed to twist your arm, but you went under his arm and jumped to wrap your legs around his neck, using the momentum to make him lose his balance before you both fell to the ground.

“Brings back the memories,” you grunted and he got out of your tight grip quite easily to grab at you, but you had already jumped on your feet. You darted at him and he sent you back, your back hitting the wall hard. You fell on your knees and snatched the knife off the floor but as soon as you got on your feet again, he let out a breath.

“I’m not going to hurt you, okay?”

A hysterical laughter escaped from your lips, “You do realize that it’s not my first day, right?”

“Do you seriously think I’d hurt you?”

“I think if somebody crossed me the way I crossed you, I wouldn’t let them live.”

“Yeah well, good thing I’m not you.”

You frowned slightly, trying to catch your breath as you held the knife tighter.

“Then what the fuck is this?” you asked, “Closure?”

“Oh no I think we’ve had closure,” he said, anger dripping off his voice, “This is a transaction.”

You stared at him and he reached into his pocket to pull out a thumb drive.

Well.

Okay. It was clear that you had misread this situation.

You put the knife on the table and crossed your arms, leaning back, “What is that?”

“This is the information of everyone I hurt on my Winter Soldier days,” he said, “Dates, names, occupations…. Your father’s name isn’t on it.”

Your stomach did a painful flip, “I know,” you rasped out, “I… um- I found out after I left that night.”

“HYDRA doesn’t have anything on your father, as far as I’ve seen.”

You nodded slowly, “And you’re helping me why?”

“I’m not helping you,” he stated, “I just know how it feels to be manipulated into doing something. Everyone deserves answers, no matter how terrible people they are.”

Well, you deserved that and much more.

“I see,” you said, “Well, for what it’s worth, thank you.”

He eyed you up and down silently.

“Why did you try to get me out of the country?” he asked after a beat, “That night? Why did you try to help?”

You bit inside your cheek, commanding yourself to stay strong.

“Does it matter after this point?” you asked back and he let out a breath, shaking his head.

“I guess not,” he mumbled and walked to the window, making you take a step towards him.

“Can I—“ you spoke before he could jump out, making him turn around to look at you, “Can I ask you something?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Why would you not want revenge?” you asked, “It’s assassin 101. Why not come after me for all these months?”

Why didn’t you try to find me?

That was what you wanted to ask. As twisted as it was, you would’ve taken him coming after you over him forgetting about you.

Well, as it turned out, no one could say assassins were reasonable people when it came to romance.

“I’m not that person anymore,” he said, “And honestly? You’re not worth it.”

Ah. That.

You could swear your heart was cracking but you pursed your lips together, forcing yourself to look unaffected.

“Fair enough,” you rasped out and took a deep breath. “Goodbye Bucky.”

He swallowed thickly, his gaze fixed on you.

“Goodbye Shrike,” he murmured and jumped out of the window, leaving you all alone, standing there in the middle of your apartment. You blinked back the tears, then ran a hand over your face.

“Get your shit together,” you murmured to yourself, then grabbed the wine glass to down it.

                                             *

The next day you were so busy with the HYDRA files Bucky had given you that you barely noticed Keith pulling a seat to plop down beside you.

“Hi there.”

“Hey,” you said without pulling your gaze off the screen as Keith put a cup of coffee on the table. “Thanks man.”

“No problem. What’re you working on?”

“Oh just some old files.”

“Old files? Where did you get them?”

“Bucky gave them to me last night.”

Keith sputtered out his coffee, causing you to make a face and grab the napkins to wipe the screen.

“Is this your first time they let you out into the real world or something?” you asked him, “Like, what is this? Were you raised in a barn? I don’t want your fucking germs—“

“Screw you. You met Barnes last night?” he lowered his voice, looking around and you shrugged.

“Met is the wrong word.”

“Y/N, what the fuck?”

“It’s not like I texted him to meet!” you whispered, “He just showed up!”

“Okay, we need to give you some protection—“

“No, and you’re not telling anyone.”

“You’re not safe!” he whispered and you shook her head.

“He’s not gonna hurt me.”

“Y/N-“

“He’s not,” you cut him off, “If he wanted me dead, I’d be dead. I talk big talk, but trust me if he came after me, I wouldn’t stand a chance. I actually saw that last night.”

“Why was he there?”

“To give me this thumb drive,” you said, “I’m just going through this HYDRA stuff to see whether they had something on my father, whether— I don’t know, whether I missed something on our files.”

“We checked everything we had on HYDRA.”

“I’m just making sure.”

“What did he say?”

“Hm?”

“What did you talk about last night, when he showed up?”

“You know, typical break up stuff,” you murmured before peeling your eyes off the screen. “He broke into my apartment, gave me a thumb drive with top secret information and oh—before I forget, he said I wasn’t worth going after.”

He blinked a couple of times, staring at you.

“I’m sorry?”

“So much for civil exes huh?”

“More like evil exes,” he commented, “You know he’s being a jerk to you because you tore his heart out, right?”

“I can’t really blame him,” you muttered, “He’s right to be upset.”

“But are you okay?”

You scoffed a laugh, “I betrayed the one person who I could see a future with,” you admitted, “And six months apparently wasn’t enough to get over him. So no, Keith, I’m really not okay.”

He pressed his lips together.

“What if we got you out there? You know, maybe you can’t get over someone without getting under someone.”

“I’ve had sex in the last six months, that’s not working.”

“Barnes hasn’t.”

That was enough to make you turn your head, your whole attention on him.

“What?”

“We’ve um… we’ve kept an eye on Barnes and Wilson, you know, what they have been doing. Barnes isn’t even meeting people.”

“Maybe he is and you don’t know.”

“Nope,” he said, “He and Captain America have been going on their own missions, but since Accords 2.0 didn’t pass, we can’t touch them.”

You tilted your head, “Hold on, what missions?”

A big grin pulled at Keith’s lips.

“Y/N, are you asking me to share classified information with you?”

You arched a brow and eyed you up and down, then steered your office chair a little to the left.

“I’m glad you came back,” he said, dragging his fingers on the touchpad to find the files, “Things were getting a little boring here.”

                                                    *

As a spy, finding targets wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with. In fact, since coming back here you were beginning to feel less like a professional spy and more like a rookie in training. You were growing restless every minute you weren’t working, and maybe that was why you were dying to keep yourself busy with something.

Even if that something was completely forbidden by your agency and you would probably be sent to another country again if they ever found that out.

So searching for where Bucky and Sam were using the agency’s resources was probably a bad idea, yet there you were.

You took a deep breath, then approached their table and plopped down to the seat next to Bucky’s.

“You’re going after HYDRA’s leader?”

Bucky’s head whipped up and Sam gawked at you for a second before pulling his brows together.

“What the…”

“Who’s your source?”

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asked through his teeth and you crossed your arms.

“Paying back the favor.”

“Well don’t. I don’t want you here.”

“How did you even know-“

“I’m a spy, Sam,” you stated, “And the agency has been watching you, do you guys seriously think we've left you alone?”

“I was actually hoping you’d leave me alone, yeah.” Bucky growled through his teeth and your heart dropped to your stomach, but you managed to shake your head.

“I don’t—“

“Your agency has been keeping tracks on us?”

You nibbled on your lip, “Just because Accords 2.0 was a failure…” you trailed off and Bucky scoffed, drumming his metal fingers on the table.

“Why are you here?”

“Listen I get it, you hate me,” you said, “Fine. Not a big deal, I can live with that. But I just- I can help.”

Bucky stared at you as if he was waiting for you to say you were joking, but when you didn’t, he let out a bitter laugh.

“You’re not serious, right?”

“Bucky,” Sam said warningly and he threw his hands up.

“You can’t possibly be entertaining this.”

“I’m just asking what the agency knows, that’s all.”

You heaved a deep sigh, trying your hardest not to show your disappointment on your face. It wasn’t like you expected Bucky to welcome you, but you were at least hoping—

Well.

It didn’t matter what you were hoping, it was very obvious that Bucky would never forgive you.

“They’ve just been keeping tracks on you,” you said, “I don’t think any of them put the clues together, and they can’t touch you even if they did, you’d have to do something first. Especially after the last fail—“

“Oh you mean when they took me in after you lied to me about everything and leashed them on me?” Bucky asked you, “That fail?”

You clicked your tongue, “Yeah. That one.”

“Un-fucking-believable.”

“Bucky.”

“But I’ve been going after different HYDRA officials for the last couple of years, and I’ve spent the last 6 months going over everything we had on them, I know some of their locations. So going after HYDRA leader then? Or his super secret location? Why?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, “Forgive me if I’m not in a sharing mood after learning about what a liar you are. As far as you’re concerned, we’re not doing anything.”

“But I’m trying to make amends—“

“Not interested.” Bucky cut you off and you swallowed thickly.

“You’ve seen me fight,” you insisted, “You’ve— you’ve seen how good I am at my job, okay? I just— I swear I won’t say anything to the agency, just let me help.”

Sam looked between you two and turned to Bucky.

“That’s not such a—“

“Don’t say it.”

“Even you have to admit, that’s not a terrible idea.”

“You’d have to be crazy to think you can trust her,” Bucky argued back, “I get that you always want to see the best in people, but you can’t, not with her.”

“I’m sitting right here,” you reminded him and Bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“I know, feel free to leave.”

“Don’t,” Sam told you and Bucky frowned.

“You’re joking.”

“Bucky, she could help.”

“And then turn us in.”

“The agency lied to me about my father, I’m not going to turn you in or do anything to have me manipulated by them again. Whatever the mission is, they won’t know about it, you have my word.”

“Because your word holds any value for me?” Bucky asked you, his voice way too calm and you clenched your jaw.

“The mission doesn’t require a honey trap,” he said when you didn’t answer his rhetorical question, “Thanks for the offer though, Y/N. Go to hell.”

With that, he walked out of the café and you just sat there completely frozen. You could swear your heart weighed a ton in your chest, and your eyes were burning but you quickly blinked the tears back, then shrugged your shoulders.

“That went well.”

“Do you really want to help?” Sam asked after a couple of seconds of silence and you nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

You scoffed a bitter laugh, “Other than apparently signing my own death warrant?” you asked, “I owe him. He doesn’t want to go after me for using him, fine. He still deserves justice. HYDRA destroyed his life, the least I can do is help him get back at them, make them pay.”

Sam raised his brows, “You feel that guilty huh?”

You didn’t have any answer to that, and he took a deep breath.

“Can I trust you?”

“You can,” you murmured, “I want you to, but… I wouldn’t.”

“Okay. Let me rephrase the question, will you betray his trust again?”

There was no hesitation in your voice when you spoke, “I’d rather die.”

Sam held your gaze as if trying to see whether you were sincere or not, then cleared his throat.

“Let me think about it,” he said, “I’m not saying no, okay? Let me think about it and talk with him.”

You nodded slowly, “Thank you.”

He shot you a small smile, then walked out of the café, leaving you alone there. You shut your eyes, leaning your head back and letting out a breath.

“Great,” you muttered, “This should be fun.”

Chapter 25