#it's a problem where i need to know everybody else's opinions

[cure-mango]

Hi! Please stop making precure moms fight.

No.

[ms-demeanor]

hello! sorry to bother w this but im sort of desperate at this point. given your post about school abuse: so like. i had a similar experience and i thought that i had sorted my brain out. BUT. big but. now im trans and every time i have to correct people w/ misgender or come out to people that i dont already know their opinion on the issue, i get an anxiety attack that makes me unable to do it. ive told many therapists and no one so far has understood why im terrified of making stuff that other people can perceive as me being difficult to work with. would you have *any* advice? thanks!

Okay so first of all it is totally valid to feel that way; that isn't an irrational response, that is your body and brain going "!!!! I have learned this lesson before!" But just because it's a sensible response doesn't mean it's functional in the long term, which is why it needs to be addressed (which I'm sure you already know, I'm just explaining for people in the back).

So now here is some meandering advice:

Spend time with people you already know you can trust. It's okay to take a break from new people and situations (as much as is possible) when you are processing traumatic events and learning to care for yourself. Spending time with people who you don't have to come out to, who don't misgender you, can help you normalize being out and correctly gendered to yourself.

Recognize that you don't have to be out to everyone and some assholes aren't worth it. This is going to depend some on the context, but you don't owe everybody an explanation for yourself and if people repeatedly misgender you after being corrected you may just be better off not spending time around those people.

Loop in trusted people in low-stakes ways. If you get the sense that someone who you think is pretty safe has misgendered you on accident, it might still feel too intimidating to correct them in person but it might be a good idea to follow up with text or a call or a message to say "hey, just FYI, I think I heard you use a/b pronouns for me earlier, I just wanted to let you know that I use c/d pronouns. Did you want to meet up again next week?" the breakdown on why I think this is effective is - Distance means you're safe - nonthreatening "FYI" means you aren't saying "I'm offended" and assumes good faith from the other person - feels less accusatory (not that you need to tone police yourself, but if you're trying to lower the stress level overall then assuming it was a mistake and letting them know you don't think it was on purpose should reduce the overall tension) - request to meet up again or topic switch to something lighter once again says "I'm not mad, that was just regular information, we can now return to our scheduled programming"

I think that, generally speaking, this is also a decent way to come out to people if you're nervous; physically remote and emotionally casual can be a good place to work from (even if you're actually panicking in your head but you can pull off casual in a written message)

Find (or create) a space where people are 100% going to support you. If you need to create a discord server, if you need to schedule a regular coffee date with trusted friends or family members, whatever it is, give yourself a space where you are unconditionally supported and can have people to bounce ideas and concerns off of. Even if it's just you and one other person, it's good to know you have *someone* who you can say "I think I want to tell this other person to use my pronouns but it's scary" to and know that you're not at risk in any way. I'd say try to make sure that you're still interacting with people outside of that space, but have a space to retreat to where you can just drop the worry.

Recognize that somebody else's problem is not a reflection of you. If you have, for instance, a coworker who is being a piece of shit and refusing to recognize your gender, that is not a reflection of your gender that is a reflection of them being a piece of shit. If there is a classmate or a sibling who uses the wrong pronouns after being corrected that doesn't mean you're not entitled to your pronouns that means they are being a piece of shit. Some people are just not going to accept you and that's on them. Try to minimize your time spent with them and if you have to spend time with them at work take steps to ensure your safety, but don't fight losing battles with assholes.

It really is legitimately scary. You have good reasons to be scared and you are doing a very frightening thing (and not to do the meme thing but you are legitimately being so brave about it; the fact that you are reaching out and asking anyone for help, including randos on the internet, means that you are taking steps to doing the scary thing and that is SO GOOD and I'm really proud of you for making the effort in spite of the fear).

Here is some less meandering advice:

Practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror, practice with friends, practice with your therapist. Practice coming out to yourself in a casual way. Practice correcting your pronouns. Practice an introduction for yourself that explains the information you want to give to new people you might meet. Get it down to a quick little patter, get it to be something that's easy to say to yourself in the mirror first, then try it with friends for practice, then try it around the safer people you might want to give the information to. It'll get easier as you go.

Look for a local support group (or an online support group). If there's a local LGBTQ+ center you should see if they've got events going on or a support group you can join or workshops or any manner of social thing where you can go interact with people who have been through similar stuff.

Journal. Each time you find yourself frightened of talking to someone about your gender, do what you need to to get through the day and then sit down and think about that interaction. Write down what happened, write down what you were thinking. Was there something in particular that made you anxious? Is it something you can practice addressing? Was there something you noticed about the person that made you uncomfortable? Is that a common thread in the times you have trouble talking about this? If you're able to narrow down specifically what is making it hard to speak to some people that might make it easier to explain to therapists but will also make it more actionable for you.

Here's some very optimistic advice:

If at all possible find a friend who will be rabid and unflinching in their support for you and hang out with them around new people. Get yourself an attack dog copilot who will cheerfully step up and make corrections for you. I know not everyone can do this and I know that if you can find someone like this they can't be around all the time, but it can be wonderfully reassuring to find that one person who you know is going to be ride or die about making sure that everyone in the room respects you. (Being that person for someone else can also teach you how to be that person for you)

[misc-obeyme]

so i was just thinking. solomon's like super in love with mc right? so that would mean he'd have a soft spot for them and would be nicer to some extent towards the mc. but like, how much contrast? i've seen instances where he's straight up sarcastic, snarky or "lmao idc" to some extent with other characters, and do you think if the same instance took place w mc as the subject he'd act the same way? most probably not right? as an ardent solomon lover, i just find the thought funny that it would be a running joke (it more or less is a thing with all characters and mc anyway but im just imagining it w solomon) amongst everyone about how nice solomon is with mc but is whatever w everyone. to what extent do u think is the contrast in character? how nice do u think he is in general, because i see many posts about how lovely he is to mc but is it the same with everyone? and how much sweeter do u think he is to us?? i just love thinking abt this because like...im so specialz yay pls love me solomon :')

Oh yeah. Solomon is notoriously down bad for MC. (At least, this is my opinion and I know others feel the same way.)

And I think this translates most in that he does things or acts a certain way with MC that he doesn't do with the others.

He has a general respect for most of the other characters and I think he keeps things civil. Some of them he likes more than others. But in a general sense, Solomon is a smart and powerful guy who is likely always aware of the fact that he's a human among demons and angels. I think he tends to hold everybody else at arm's length out of a sense of self preservation. He eventually opens up more as the story progresses and he becomes more friendly with everyone.

But he doesn't let anyone get as close to him as MC.

I don't know if I'd say he's nicer to MC, necessarily. I would say that he has more trust for MC. He tells MC things he would never tell anyone else. He's also very protective of MC. He's unlikely to go out of his way to protect the others or to defend them to people. But with MC? He shows up when they need him. He stands up for them even when they aren't around.

And I'd say that Solomon would do anything for MC. The others might ask him for help and he's often willing to give it, but he has no problem saying no to any of them (except perhaps Asmo, but even then I think he would if it was a big deal). But for MC, Solomon would lay down his life. Nobody can convince me that a man who would travel back in time just to help bring MC back wouldn't also take a bullet for them if it came down to that.

I don't think a situation like that would ever actually happen. And I also think that Solomon would try to find other ways of fixing things - like I said, this man is smart.

Still I think perhaps the most obvious evidence of him treating MC differently comes down to how much he's been willing to tell them about himself. He's told MC about his childhood, his loneliness, the way MC reminds him of his humanity, how he's jealous of the brothers. He's said these things to MC directly. He's honest and forthright with them.

Not that he lies to everybody else - in fact, I think he's a pretty terrible liar. But he keeps his secrets. He just doesn't tell them to anyone else.

Sure, he still has some secrets from MC. But I think he's keeping them because doing so is keeping MC safe. And I think in the end, he'll tell MC everything.

And THAT is the biggest difference. Solomon loves MC, but Solomon also trusts MC with the deepest truths of himself.

[orchidsangel]

jason meeting you for the first time in book club and he’s head over heels

gonna spam your inbox with jason asks btw hi

wait this is so cute, like you've got me thinking (this got way longer than expected)

there's a bookstore you go to frequently and on the last friday of every month they host a book club. you've been one of the members for a while now, and you know every name, face, and life story of everybody in the group by now. so, when you walk in on the last friday of this particular month, you definitely notice the unfamiliar man sitting amongst people you've already gotten to know. he's handsome, with dark hair, and green eyes, and he looks like the type to be playing beer pong on a friday night, not critiquing the plot of some newly released murder mystery. you'd be lying if you said you weren't intrigued.

regardless, you take your seat and the meeting starts. everyone takes turns sharing their opinions, each person stating how they couldn't see the plot twist coming, and that they found the book incredibly riveting. when your turn comes, you politely explain that to you it was predictable. there was only one real suspect with a clear motive, anyone else would've been a stretch. it was too easy to deduce what had actually gone down that night, and you didn't think the book needed 450+ pages to get there.

the opinion is pretty well received, except for this one person in the group that's always always irks you, asking "and how exactly did you figure that out? because if none of us did, i have a hard time believing that you did." you could give them a play by play of exactly where the author went wrong, how too many of the clues had obvious explanations, and how any semblance of common sense would lead you to the real killer. but instead, you opt for a simple "i don't know, just got lucky i guess," followed by a shrug.

the sharing continues until you get to the dark haired stranger sitting almost directly across from you in the circle. every person in the room is staring at him intently and you don't blame them, it's not often a guy as hot as him joins in on your monthly activity. you almost think it's a joke, a prank, he's being hazed, he'll open his mouth to speak and then bolt out the door leaving you guys in the dust. but instead, he calmly gestures to you, "i agree with them. far too easy to figure out, don't get me wrong it's well written but it heavily relies on the reader conveniently forgetting details from the previous chapters." he gets it, this guy gets it. you chime in, "exactly, like when they reveal that the mistress was on the boat the entire time, but they hinted at her being on the boat within the first chapter." no one asks for any follow up this time, simply accepting the pretty man's word as law.

everyone finishes sharing their opinions and then it's time to mingle. you walk around, catching up with acquaintances you hadn't seen in a while, and the stranger watches you from across the room. watching you seamlessly interact with the people in the store before turning your attention to the shelves upon shelves of new and untouched books. brushing your fingers across the spines, and occasionally pulling one down to read a blurb.

he watches you make your way down the aisles, dipping in and out of his field of vision, and back to the main area where everyone's chatting, before spotting him and heading over to where he stands; a book in hand. you hold it out for him and he takes it, looking up at you curiously.

"a good mystery. if you're looking for one."

"thanks."

"yeah, no problem."

you walk away, and he watches your back as you head over to the rest of the group to say your goodbyes and head out. but before you exit, hand holding the door open, you turn towards him and give him a small wave, before the sound of the bell on the door jangling invades his ears, and you're no longer there.

his eyes follow you until he can't see you through the window anymore and he looks down at the book, it's something he's read before. but it's good, and he knows you know it's good because you recommended it to him. so even though he's already read it, he'll read it again so he has something to talk about with you in a month when he gets your name.

[redscreendarkwin]

You would never shift with that mindset All you do is complain and argue with everybody else. You will be forever stucked in this reality grow up and learn what shifting reality is. You're doing more effort in being a limiting person than doing an actual work in shifting. You don't understand how in every reality it's a different past for every race. You sound very inexperienced you mini shifted once and act like you know how this universe works. You are stuck in CR circumstances. This is why your account is flopping instead of posting motivational stuff you complain and create discourse. The universe won't give you award for best in morality you are just nothing(in void way). Too woke you're not educating anyone you just add more problems and limits. But I understand because you're too young and never experienced shifting for a long period of time. Stop focusing on cr. If you affirm you're not in 3d then do it ignore post about race changer if you hate them. I used to be like you before I call out everyone cancel them because we don't have the same moral values but as time passes by I notice I don't see any improvement with my journey all I do is argue with everyone in the comments and not changing my mindset. I tried changing my mindset I accept if I'm consciousnees being aware I can just shift anywhere else where I like it there's an infinite amount of realities don't focus on what you perceive as negative if they race change or date minors you can post about calling them out but that wouldnt change them although you can manifest these type of people won't exist in your reality but in another they still will so all your efforts of calling them out and you're proving them wrong are just a waste of energy and efforts. It is better to pour this effort with shifting and changing your mindset. Try improving your mental health and separating your self with contents that ruin your motivation block everyone else that disagrees with your opinion simple as that don't interact with their energy never post them dont acknowledge them just observe and block these people won't change. You're the one need to change. What i meant by you need a change is to change how you view this people see them as temporary and you will never interact with them once you shift to your desired reality. Don't get attached with the cr circumstances they're just temporary problem of your cr self but you're already living as dr self. The feeling of pain is the memory of past live in pleasure and happiness because you live now as your future dr self already. Tumblr is just an app that helps you communicate and interact with your community it's just an app all this opinions of people don't matter to you because yours matter the most use this app for love about shifting and your dr. these hating negative people can dissappear in just a tiny click of block button choose your moots well.

HELLLPPP, I can't even take you seriously. @mywitchyblog, going on an alt account just to write this shady ass anonymous comment is just well, I would say low but the bar is already in hell.

First off, thank you so much for my first hate ask. Didn't know you were this obsessed. 🤭

Now I'm beginning to realize how you saw my post a while back when I blocked you. You do know you can take your own advice and block me as well instead of getting on an alt just to hate? Better yet, put on your big boy pants and address me directly without anonymity.

And again you fail to comprehend my point but then again this behavior isn't anything new from you. I said that anything can be classified as a limited belief. Just because someone believes one thing doesn't mean they aren't going to shift. Which is why the whole "limited belief" concept is stupid. I don't see race changing or aging yourself down to date minors as morally right because it isn't. That’s my belief. I can call it what it is which is racist and pedophilic. Doesn't mean I'm not going to shift because I minishifted on multiple occasions and there are people out there who hold the same beliefs as me who have shifted for years.

For someone who acts all high and mighty about their journey, you fail to realize that everyone is different and everyone shifts at a different pace. This is how I know you barely know anything about shifting. You just go around saying the popular opinion and never have once had an original thought in your entire life. You're also talking about shit like the universe when it's widely known that the universe isn't gonna make you shift, you do.💀

I also love how you called me woke because I said I didn't want adults to fuck children. I would rather "flop" than have a whole bunch of pedophiles and racists agreeing with me. You're really making a case for yourself. I hope to god I never find myself bragging about how “successful” I am on TUMBLR of all social medias. You’re averaging 12 notes per post, how exactly are you not “flopping” also? I genuinely believe this is the only thing you’ve got going for you.

I'm not stuck in my cr circumstances, I just have morals. Your morals shouldn't change once you get into a different reality. Even if I saw people as temporary that doesn’t mean I can’t address them. With this logic, why should I care about world issues or anything for that matter. I could off someone but guys guys, don’t worry it doesn’t matter because this reality is temporary going by your logic 😱

And even if the limiting beliefs thing did exist you shouldn’t change your morals just to shift. That just says a lot about you and how flip floppy your morals are. There are realities where murder is seen as perfectly ok, doesn't mean I should follow. Me believing that murder is wrong isn't me being stuck in my cr circumstances. Any shifter with a murder dr could turn around and say that you’re wrong for thinking that murder is wrong and you’re “stuck in your cr circumstances”. Do you see how stupid your argument actually is? Can you get that through your skull? I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall here. One thing going in one ear and out the other.

Doesn’t matter how many people you send my way (like last time) because unlike you I actually stick to my morals. You can hop off my tip now. I am a minor after all.

Realize that I BLOCKED you for a reason and going on an alt because I blocked your main is ACTUALLY insane.

You and the counselor are twinning btw:

[fandoms-and-salt]

My thoughts on Hazbin Hotel's villains, because I think they have a problem

Valentino

Val is just. where do i even start.

His introductory scene is largely comedic and makes his freak-out over Angel just living somewhere else the butt of the joke. The same scene conveys that he is already losing control over Angel and can’t do anything about it, since Angel is ignoring his calls, and Vox convinces him that ignoring this blatant misstep is the better option. This is an okay scene (i even found it funny), but it’s a bad villain introduction. Especially a villain that we are meant to take seriously and, from the perspective of the main characters, fear.

(There’s also an inconsistency with Angel in ep1-2 feeling free to ignore Val’s calls and messages, but in ep4 he is stumbling all over himself to please Val)

His introduction had to be made from the point of view of one of his victims to set up a proper tone of menace to him, instead of making it from the point of view of his fellow overlords, who view him as a whiny dumb piss baby. This scene would be okay a lot later down the line, in my opinion, when we are already familiar with what a despicable dangerous asshole he is, and the characters (Angel Dust) begin to step up to him more. We see his facade crumble alongside the main characters to reveal who he truly is without all his power and control - a whiny sex-obsessed loser.

There's also an issue of us not really getting a scale of his power. This guy is portrayed as an extremely forward hot-tempered dumbass, who has to be verbally guided to make a better strategic move than a “just kill and rape everybody”. He freaking licks the princess of Hell, talks down to her like she is one of his porn actresses, and physically assaults a person under her care right in front of her, and she is supposed to be someone more powerful than him, and he should know that.

This guy can’t manipulate and strategize for his life, so to compensate for this (and make his rise to power more believable), he needs to have some truly impressive physical power. And tearing apart some character offscreen and wielding some guns doesn’t cut, bc basically everyone can do that in hell, what makes him special? Show off how his vaping powers can really fuck people up, poison dozens, hypnotize them, make them addicted to him! Make him so uniquely dangerous that he doesn’t even need to be smart and cordial to rise to power!! Otherwise, how the hell we should believe that he owns the whole porn industry of the Pride Ring, including legally owning his workers, if the show puts more focus on his stupidity and lack of tact than on whatever power he has?

Like he is meant to be our main antagonist and threat, alongside with his TV boyfriend, until the angels come back in the finale, don’t just waste them away on lame jokes.

Speaking of which.

Vox

I like Vox. I like his voice actor’s performance and the voice effects and filters that they give him to reflect his mood. I feel like he had a better introduction than Val (which is not a high bar to clear): it showed that he is pretty smart, strategic, and image-conscious. With this and his heavily implied power to hypnotize and stalk people through his tech, the fact that he is in power and the threat that he poses are much more believable.

Anyway, this gets completely wasted 10 minutes into the first episode he appears in, when he gets verbally floored by Alastor. And he cried about it right after. And later in the same episode we see him fail again at another one of his schemes, bc he chose the most incompetent spy ever. Once again, silly comedy shatters any kind of illusion of threat that the villains might pose. Which also leads me to..

Alastor

Who is not really a villain, and this is kind of a problem. He really could have been a great threat and an antagonist, but i really don’t believe they are going to go in that direction.

Alastor is a very OP character and is the one holding power and control in basically any interaction he is in, including the villains. And since he is an ally of Hazbin Hotel, whose goals (the details of which we are not aware of) partially align with theirs, he completely fucks over any kind of tension regarding anything that might threaten the Hotel or it’s residents. Because you can just throw Alastor at it and make it go away. Because the writers just can’t have him lose.

And we don’t have any reason to believe that he would just refuse to help, because so far? He does whatever Charlie or Vaggie ask him to do. He might be a smug dick about it, but he still does that. He even agrees to film a TV commercial (twice!) despite his vocal hate of such technology. Furthermore, he has to make a deal with Vaggie so they don’t have him do something like this again (granted, this scene might hold some additional implications in the future, but so far this is all the context we got). Why can’t he just refuse to do things that he doesn’t want to do?

Which they could have fixed if they made his power more limited. Either by reducing the scale of his power so he is at most on the same level as the villains,

OR have his presence and help be limited. Make that the characters often can’t access him for help or he just. refuses to help them. He even says that he is here to have fun and watch them suffer, so wouldn’t them struggling to, idk, get rid of Sir Pentious, for example, be entertaining for him? Or balance out his help with instances where he causes conflicts and problems on purpose. Beyond just him annoying Vaggie for comedy’s sake.

And if any of this is what they are actually going for, then you need to make it a point to the audience that yes, this guy is powerful, but don’t expect him to productively help with any of the narrative threats and problems.

And lastly,

Adam and the angels

I don’t like Adam. He is annoying as hell and his jokes are drawn out and not funny at all. The logistics of him being an angel when he is Adam and when he acts like this, give me a massive headache that is related to a whole other topic i’ll need to make a separate post about.

Despite all this, Alex Brightman is doing a great job selling how utterly insufferable he is. His song is also pretty good, one of the more memorable ones in the show. And he (and the angels by extension) is also the most menacing and competent villain on the show so far. ...Do you see my predicament here?

Granted, this is not a very high bar to clear, as established with. the other ones. For example, in contrast to the pilot, we are only told about how dangerous and deadly the exterminator-angels are. “[Sinners] never managed to kill one of us [angels]” “In the latest extermination, [angels] killed the highest 18% percent of our [sinner] population” etc etc. We don’t see the angels killing anybody on screen, we barely see the aftermath of the extermination.

What we do see is the panic and helplessness with which most of the hell population treat the exterminations, including Charlie. We see Charlie struggling to convince Adam of her plan, barely able to talk back to him, which sells Adam as the more powerful in the interaction. We see Adam not showing all his cards to Charlie, like the fact they are planning to completely wipe out the whole Hell/Pride Ring, showing that he is not completely stupid despite his whole deal (well, there’s implied to be some kind of plan here, but i’ll talk about my problem with the logic in another post).

Otherwise, we don’t have anyone else to compare with him, since Charlie is the only one who interacts with angels on-screen. But all of this so far gives a suitable illusion of how dangerous and powerful the angels are. But what will happen if angels are faced with our all powerful Tumblr Sexyman Mary Sue? Will the universe let Alastor lose and then collapse in on itself? Or the other obvious option?

Anyway, in conclusion, Hazbin’s villains are not very good so far. Their main problems are the fact that the writers can't properly establish their threat and lever of power, or they undercut this with unsuitable comedy. Also, they don't know how to use their OP main character, so they won't ruin the stakes of the story.

[maybege]

A Helping Hand

Summary: When one more omega is in the group, the suppressants aren’t enough for everyone and you end up getting your heat for the first time since the outbreak. (Part of The Weight of The World AU)

Pairing: alpha!Boba Fett x fem!omega!Reader

Wordcount: 5.1k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: Modern AU, Zombie Apocalypse AU, A/B/O dynamics (scenting, heats, etc.), yearning, unrequited love (or is it?), a little bit of fluff, explicit sexual content, dry orgasm(?), pet names (princess, good girl, etc.), praise kink

Good morning everyone and happy weekend! I hope the summer is treating you well and that you are looking forward to the second half of this year. 🥰 It has been way too long since I delved into my love for Boba, so if you’re interested in a part two (perhaps he helps Reader out with her heat? 👀), let me know! I really hope that you enjoy this story and would be very very happy if you let me know what you think in a comment or a reblog!

Please note that “Sunshine” is essentially Reader from the Paz version but I had to give her a nickname somehow to make sure she is still part of this.

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

When Charlie presented as an omega, everyone in the group knew you were fucked.

There was no better way to say it.

“We don’t have enough suppressants,” Paz said out loud what everybody knew already, “They are harder and harder to come by and the last pharmacy didn’t have any. Chants is already on half a dosage, I am not sure how we can stretch them more.”

“What’s that? Suppressants?”

Din turned to the little boy that had snuck his way into the conversation. “Something for grownups, buddy, c’mon let us talk in peace.”

You smiled when Grogu shrugged, completely unbothered, and returned to where he had been playing with Pan and Jarno.

Sometimes you envied the kids in your group for the semblance of innocence they could still afford to have. And then you felt bad because this was not the childhood you wanted for them. Stars, you knew about babies being born and the thought that this was the only kind of life they would ever get to know made your stomach hurt and your heart ache.

Yet, they did not have to deal with problems like you were now. The adults of the group had come together, standing together and saying nothing but muddling over the same thing. Deep down, you knew that there was only one solution and you were pretty sure that almost everyone had come to that conclusion.

Almost.

“Maybe I don’t need suppressants,” Charlie piped up, shifting nervously next to his mother, Bernie, “I could pass my heat just like that.”

“No, you can’t,” Briggs said flatly, the old man crossing his arms in front of his chest. He had not been here the longest, only joining the group a few months ago when Paz had found him and Sunshine fighting off a horde of zombies. But despite his recent status in the group, he had risen in rank quickly, his advice and opinion honoured by those you had chosen as unofficial leaders.

One of these leaders was Boba who was standing right across from you. Like Briggs, he had crossed his arms in front of his chest, his biceps bulging and you swallowed, trying to keep your staring as subtle as possible.

With the late summer now cooling down, he had started to wear flannel again and you were a little embarrassed to admit that fall had not only become your favourite season because of the harvests you could make but also because you got to see the alpha stroll around with rolled up sleeves.

Trying your best not to look too long at him, you glanced back at Charlie.

“But what if I –“

“Charlie, dear,” Moira piped up, her voice gentle and kind. It was the same voice she had used to comfort Bernie this morning after she had made the discovery that her son’s scent was not as beta-like as she had hoped. “Briggs is right,” the older woman explained, “You will need your suppressants more than anyone else in this group.”

More than you.

You swallowed heavily, trying to get enough oxygen into your lungs to fool your heart into believing that you were not about to have a full-blown panic attack.

Charlie’s light eyes met yours and you knew him well enough to know that he was feeling the same way.

“Come on, Charlie,” you heard yourself say, stepping forward, “Let’s go for a walk.”

Everyone else let you pass without a word of protest and Paz nodded at you in approval. Bernie looked like she had about a thousand different things on her mind and you could not blame her. The outbreak was the least ideal place to be an omega – much less discover being an omega. And to see that your child had to be an omega in this cruel world? You could not imagine the pain she was going through.

The tree line was only a few steps away from where you had stood, the clearing only barely big enough for you to set up camp, and so it only took a few more steps until the thick trunks provided you with some privacy. With the summer nearing its end, the leaves filtered the sunlight a light gold and you took a moment to appreciate the pure beauty and peace of it.

In the last few years, there had not been enough moments like this.

You watched as Charlie started to pace from tree to tree, bouncing off them like the DVD logo on the sides of the screen. There were a lot of things you wanted to say, a lot of things you wanted to assure him of. But you also knew that he was not prone to listening right now and you could not blame him.

 “I don’t want to take your suppressants away from you,” the boy started, tears of anger running down his cheeks, “I – I don’t want to be an omega and I don’t want to have heats and I don’t want everyone to look at me like I am a fucking failure!”

His voice got louder and louder and in peak teenage fashion, he kicked his foot over the ground, sending a bunch of leaves up in the air and sailing down to the mossy floor.

Your brows rose in surprise.

“They are not my suppressants,” you corrected him gently, “They are for those in the group that need it most. And that is you.”

Charlie huffed, still not looking at you.

“It’s okay to be scared,” you said, “And it’s okay that you are unhappy with your presentation. Stars knew I always wanted to be a beta. But,” you stepped closer to him, “We don’t always get to choose what happens. And while it speaks to your character that you don’t want to put me in an uncomfortable situation, Briggs is right. Everyone is. You don’t know what a heat is like, especially your first one. It is too dangerous. At least I had mine already, I know what it is like.”

“That was years ago,” he protested, “Before the outbreak.”

“Yes, but it is still more experience than you have,” you added.

That seemed to get him thinking but he still did not look very happy. Deep down you knew it was not your fault that he was feeling this way or your responsibility to make him feel better. But you remembered how terrified you had been when you had your first heat and how terrified he must feel now.

“Look,” you took a deep breath, “We always knew that there would come a point where we have to choose who gets the suppressants. We were just lucky until now. Lucky that Chants has an implant and that Moira doesn’t get her heats anymore. And we got especially lucky when Sunshine mated with Paz before she could need them,” you said glancing over at where the giant man was gazing at his omega like she hung the stars in the sky.

The gaps in the trees afforded you the perfect view of the camp and when you saw the couple, so very in love with each other, something tugged at your heartstrings. You had never been interested in Paz that way but something you stung when you saw the way he looked at his mate. You wanted someone to look at you the way he looked at her.

You wanted someone to love you.

Charlie’s shaky breath snapped you out of your thoughts.           

“Anyway,” you sighed, putting your hand on his shoulders, “If you are feeling like you take the suppressants from me – you are not. I know what I am getting into.”

“I always thought I was going to be a beta,” the boy finally said, revealing the true reason for his upset, “Like mom … and like dad.”

Your heart ached.

“You’re not less like your parents just because your presentation is different,” you assured him, “You will always be their son.”

“I know but … I feel like I disappointed her,” his shoulders slumped, his head “Mom, I mean.”

“Oh honey,” you pulled him in for a hug, “She is not disappointed. She is just worried about you.”

He wrapped his arms around you and you pretended not to notice the way his body was shaking or how his hot tears soaked your shirt.

Minutes passed like this and you could see the birds flying in the crowns of the trees, the leaves and canopy shaking and throwing intricate patterns on the forest floor. You wished you could stay here forever, in this little, safe corner of the world that seemed so far away from everything that wanted to kill you.

But you knew you never stayed in a place too long and it would be time again soon to move somewhere else.

“Thank you for that,” Charlie mumbled and pulled away from you, “Can – Can I be alone for a bit?”

“Sure thing, kid,” you smiled, “Don’t stay too long or else Briggs will send a search party out.”

He nodded and you smiled before making your way back to the camp. The leaves crunched under your shoes and you spotted a little squirrel rushing its way up a tree.

Your head was spinning as you approached the group, the reality of the situation really sinking in. Then again, it really should not be a problem at all. There was no reason to be nervous. After all, you were in a somewhat protected environment and you were an adult. You should be able to face a heat alone. Right?

Everyone was busy doing something (your heart warmed at the sight of Grogu, Pan and Jarno listening completely enraptured to Moira and Briggs retelling a Shakespeare play) but you could not find it in yourself to join anyone.

“All good?” Chants asked you, looking up from where he was working on one of the cars with Din.

You nodded, “All good.”

There was no reason to tell him that you felt like your heart was about to explode from fear or that you could feel your palms get sweaty at the thought of stopping to take the pills immediately.

*

That night, the entire group sat by the fire, seeming like the issue from this morning was long forgotten. Briggs, Paz and Din were bowed over a map they had placed on the hood of Altarf’s truck, probably planning the safest route to take when it was time to change camps.

Altarf and Sluice had been on dinner duty today and the stew they made still sat warm in your belly. The night air had cooled down significantly so you had remained at your place by the fire, amicably chatting with Sunshine and Bernie. You could see Grogu and the kids playing in the dirt by some of the cars.

Chants and Moira were off collecting the hanging laundry of the day and you already looked forward to wearing some freshly washed clothes. 

How lucky you were that even years later you could all go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge that you would wake up in the morning. Somewhat safe, somewhat sheltered, and surrounded by people who had become family.

“Wisconsin would take us right by Minneapolis,” Paz said, drawing a line with his finger. You smirked when you noticed how Sunshine immediately zoned out of the conversation, all her attention on her alpha.

“We are definitely not heading to Washington,” Din protested, “Heard that corner is a powder keg waiting to explode.”

“North, then?” Briggs asked, “If the tracks we found are anything to go by we would need to get a few days’ distance between us and here.”

Hearing them talk about moving camp made you anxious. When would your heat strike? Would you be so unlucky to have it while you were on the move? You had been on suppressant for so long that you hardly remembered what it felt like to go into heat. Would you really survive several hours in a car with your mind occupied with being fucked seven ways to Sunday?

“You okay?”

You flinched, looking up at the alpha that had just joined you.

“Boba,” you chided the man who gave you the hint of a smile.

He sat down next to you, the fire illuminating his features and you allowed yourself to look at him a little longer than usual.

Boba Fett was … He was …

Boba Fett was the kind of man you had dreamt about before the outbreak. And, to be honest, after the outbreak. The way he held himself so full of confidence and competence had always attracted you and you found that with each day that passed, you had another little thing you loved liked about him.

One day, it had been the way the crow’s feet on his eyes showed when he laughed. It was a rare sight but that made it all the more special, seeing him joke around with Din or Paz or one of the kids.

Another day, it had been exactly that: the way he was with the kids. At first, you had expected him to be a grumpy loner but there was a kindness there when he taught them about the dangers of weapons and made sure to show them to properly handle one if they ever came across a rifle.

Then there had been his hands. Stars, his hands. Thick long fingers and palms weathered from work. You knew he hadn’t been a mechanic like Din but that he had helped him out and he still did now, fixing cars and engines right and left in that week when all of your vehicles had started making problems, threatening to get you stuck in Northern Arizona.

That was another thing: his competence. It made you weak in the knees and your panties wet to see him be so knowledgeable about so many things. Sure, it started when you had seen him, hands greasy and white tank top stained, fix one of the trucks like it was nothing. But it had continued when he had disassembled and cleaned his guns and put them back together again like it was no big deal. Or that one night where you had crossed a group and had spent dinner together and one of them had a guitar. You remembered it like it was yesterday, the surprise on (almost) everyone’s faces when Boba had asked for the guitar and played a few songs for the group.

Another day it had been his jaw and the stubble that grew when he went a few days without shaving. You wondered what it would feel like on your neck or between your thighs and you woke up more than one morning, vivid dream memories in your minds of how he had scented you with a stubble jaw like that.

Yes, Boba Fett was the alpha that made your voice stutter, your heart race and your pussy feel so very empty. Only that you were too shy to ever do anything about it. With Paz and his mate, it had been obvious to everyone (except for them) that they were meant for one another and it had taken barely any time for them to figure it out, too.

But you and Boba … You had been part of this group almost for the entirety after the outbreak. If anything were to happen, it would have happened by now. You were sure of it.

Realizing that you had stared at him for a little too long, you cleared your throat and looked at the glowing ambers of the fire.

“You okay, Princess?” he asked you quietly, “You’ve been quiet today.”

“Oh, you know,” you shrugged, trying to ignore how that made your cheeks feel suspiciously hot, “Just thinking.”

“You’re worried about the suppressants, aren’t you?”

You did not say anything which, apparently, was confirmation enough.

“We won’t let anything happen to you,” he stated, calm and confident and it was so easy to just believe him when he continued, “You’ll be the safest you can ever be, omega. It will be over before you know it and then we can see if we can some more suppressants up in Wisconsin.”

“Charlie’ll need them,” you said, your hands fidgeting, “I won’t get suppressants any time soon, Boba, we both know it.”

When you turned your head to look at him, you were met with brown eyes gazing at you so intimately, it made you want to crawl right into his arms. It made you want to curl up in his lap, tuck your face into the crook of his neck and just breathe him in until everything was right again in the world.

He opened his mouth, ready to say something and you saw his hand twitch like he was about to reach out to you.

“Now now, what are we whisperin’ about?” Moira laughed, sitting down on your other side. Sluice and Chants were with her and you watched as Sunshine walked over to Paz, being greeted with a grin and a soft kiss.

“Nothing of importance,” Boba replied, still looking only at you but straightening up. Only now did you notice how close he had been, how his knee had brushed against yours, and now with him standing up, how it left you cold and alone. “I think I’ll head over to Din … get the details of the route we’re taking.”

You wanted to ask him to stay with you a little longer but your shyness made the words dry on your tongue and you watched him leave.

“Hey there, princess,” Sluice grinned, sidling up to you. You knew she was just teasing you. It was the running joke in the group that Boba kept calling you princess like it meant something.

Of course, it didn’t.

(But stars knew you really wanted it to.)

*

It took four days for you to notice that something was wrong.

There even was a moment where you had had the slightest hope that maybe you wouldn’t get your heat. That you had taken the suppressant for so long that your body has just decided to skip them altogether and make your life that much easier.

But of course, it didn’t.

It started with you feeling more restless than usual. Whereas the kids’ shenanigans previously amused you, they now surprised you. Even more so when they would jump from behind trees but fake scare you only for it to end up really scaring you. They laughed at first at your surprised squeal and the little jump backwards you made, good-natured as kids were, but by the fourth time it happened, a stern Boba rushed over, his hand on your back, and telling them off on how it was mean to keep scaring you like that.

Then your temperature rose. Only at night at first. Despite the evening cooling down and Chants getting, you kicked off your blanket more and more, wishing you could just take off all your clothes and bathe in a cool stream. Then it happened when people touched you. Altarf brushed your hand once when giving you a few dishes and it felt like your skin was on fire, making you flinch. The same happened with Paz, the big man frowning with concern when you jumped away from him when his hand landed on your shoulder.

(It didn’t happen with Boba. Or at least it didn’t happen like that with Boba. Boba’s touch caused a warm fire in your belly that spread outwards until your entire skin was gently tingling with the need to be touched by him. Which was perfectly normal, you tried to tell yourself.)

You flinched away not only from but from everyone who had not approached you loud enough or anyone who touched you. No, your clothes started to feel scratchy, ill-fitting and just way too thick. Sluice started to tease you about how you were always fiddling with the collar of your shirt, trying to get the cool late summer air onto your body.

Not to mention the smells.

Stars, the smells.

You had never really bothered with how the others smelled. Sure, you had been faintly aware of how Paz’s scent had changed when Sunshine had first joined and how they both had become more prominent. Or how Charlie, now having his own presentation, had gotten his own scent. Or how musky and woodsy and comfortable Boba smelled. But that was nothing compared to the stench they now all emitted – except for Boba.

It was like you could no longer stand being around them. The only people you tolerated were the kids and Bernie. But the person you sought out the most was Boba because he smelled divine.

If he noticed it, he did not show it but the important part was that you noticed. And you knew you didn’t have long until things would get serious for you.

Only that you had not expected it to get serious so soon.

The night was dark and quiet when you had snuck out of the truck. You tried to tell yourself it was because you could not sleep but deep down you knew it was because you were way too hot and even Chants – Chants! – started to reek so bad you could no longer spend even a minute in that truck with him.

You knew it wasn’t his fault. If anyone’s, it was yours. But so, you snuck out, into the cool night air that made your skin feel normal again and that was free of any stench because everyone was fast asleep in their cars. If you focused enough you could even hear Altarf’s snoring.

Being outside helped, you found, but as quickly as your body cooled down from the heat wave, just as quickly did it reach a temperature that had you shivering. Debating if you wanted to risk getting back to the truck to get you something warmer or if you could –

Your thoughts were interrupted by pain so bad it made you double over.

A split second of confusion gave way to the realization that you were starting your heat.

The muscles in your abdomen cramped up again and you gasped, falling to all fours as you tried to gather the strength to press your palm against your belly. The touch helped minder the pain a little but it also made you aware of how you were yearning to be touched.

You wanted to feel hands on you – in your – and your pussy to be filled and someone to sink his teeth into your neck and mark you his.

Who were you kidding you didn’t want someone, you wanted Boba.

Tears of frustration and fear stung in your eyes and you tried to even your breathing.

This was okay. Everything was okay. It was not the first time you had your heat and it would not be the last time and hell, if you had gotten through it before, you would get through it again. Didn’t matter if it felt like your body was burning up from the inside and the only thought that made it better (and then much worse) was that of an unattainable alpha claiming you.

“Shit,” you cursed, furiously wiping at your cheeks, “Shit shit shit shit!”

Someone’s shoes appeared in your field of vision.

It was none other than Boba.

A breeze rustled the trees and his scent filled your nose, sending a wave of calm through your body. Closing your eyes was involuntary but you did not mind because your body felt so much lighter now. It was like a weight had been lifted off your chest and you could breathe.

He smelled even better than before, the scent of pine wood and something you could not yet pinpoint driving you crazy. You could feel your temperature rising a few degrees and suddenly it all came rushing back to you. The frustration, the fear, the panic, the desire.

“You okay?” Boba asked, sounding very concerned.

You could not help the way your bottom lip trembled as you allowed yourself to admit that –

“No,” you breathed out, “I’m terrified, alpha.”

He sank down to his knees in front of you. Your eyes immediately fell to his crotch and you were ashamed to admit that the first thought you had was to reach out and undo his zipper, to try and see what he

Thick arms wrapped around you and pulled you out of your thoughts and into his chest. His body exuded warmth that yours had been missing and you relaxed into him. His hands were on the back of your neck and your lower back and his touch caused pure warmth in you. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, just like you had dreamt of, and breathed in his scent.

In a movement so small, you barely registered it, his nose brushed over your neck and you gasped softly.

“I know,” he said, his lips moving against your skin, “I know, princess, I can smell how scared you are.”

“What if I fuck it up?” you gasped into him, trying to hold the tears at bay. Your hands grasped at the back of his flannel, the fabric not feeling as repulsive as your own clothes, “What if – what if Chant can’t sleep because of me and we get attacked and he cannot defend himself and – and what if it is all my fault?”

A sob wrecked your body and you huddled closer to him.

For the longest moment, Boba did not say anything, merely holding you to him as you tried to gather yourself. Having him so close, with his hands on your body and your nose pressed against his neck, made it that much easier to calm down. You felt safe with him.

“You will sleep in my truck,” he stated, then, “I can bunk with Chants.”

“But – but –“

“Omega,” he interrupted you warmly and your mouth snapped shut, your brain short-circuiting at him calling you that, “You will have your heat, there is no question about it. You need rest and a safe place to nest and soft things. My truck has that and all the privacy you could desire.”

“Okay,” you nodded, swallowing back the tears that threatened to form in your eyes (again), “Thank you, alpha.”

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you remembered that calling someone by their presentation was something intimate, something special. But it felt right, calling Boba that. Because if anyone was your alpha, it would be him. You could not imagine anyone else having the effect on you that he did. And you did not want anyone, except for him, to have that power.

His nose brushed over your scent gland again, this time right behind your ear, properly scenting you.

“Oh,” you whimpered, feeling a trickle of arousal gather in your panties. You clenched your thighs, he

Boba growled, his chest rumbling against yours, “Fuck, I’m sorry, omega, I shouldn’t have –“

He pulled away, ever so slightly, his hand cupping the side of your neck and the trickle became a wave when his rough fingertips brushed over the sensitive spot.

“No!” you protested quickly, a little too loudly, maybe, but you did not care if it meant you could have him scent you again, “Please … I – one more?”

The alpha in front of you froze and your eyes fluttered closed when his fingertips continued to caress your neck.

“You want me to scent you?” he asked and you were too far gone to notice if he sounded surprised. But what you did notice was how his thumb rubbed gentle circles onto your neck, how his eyes seemed a little darker in the light of the moon and how his scent seemed to get just a little bit stronger.

Shyly, you nodded, deciding to throw all caution into the wind. “Yes please, alpha.”

There was that rumble in his chest again, the one that made your pussy pulse and your thighs clench. But you could not even pretend not to be affected by his ministrations. Not when his nose, making your body break out in the best kind of shivers.

“That okay?” he asked against your neck and the fact that his lips were touching your skin now, the hint of his tongue peeking out again the patch of skin, made you almost feel blind with lust. “That feel good, princess?”

“Uh huh,” you brought out, tilting your head back so he had better access.

“Sweet little omega,” his lips grazed your ear before he moved his mouth back to where you needed it most, “Good little omega.”

His hand moved back to the back of your head, holding you against him and keeping you this and that way so he had the best angle to lavish your neck with attention. You allowed him to manoeuvre you as he needed, knowing instinctually that you would be rewarded in the best way.

And oh stars were you right about that.

“Smell so fucking good,” he grunted, his hips snapping against yours, “Bet you taste even better”.”

You did not know what made you come. His filthy words, the idea of his mouth, the feeling of his teeth on your skin, threatening to mark you or the outline of his hard cock against your flimsy sleep shorts, pressing right into your clit.

Maybe it was a combination of all of those things that had you stifling your moan against his neck and your vision going white. That had your pussy pulsing and clenching around nothing and your folds getting even wetter with your release.

You knew the first orgasm of a heat was the hardest to achieve. Which made it all the more surprising that it had been so easy with Boba. You were so stunned that you did not even have it in you to feel the slightest bit of shame at how needy you were. How you had just come undone in front of him like it was always meant to be.

“Good girl,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss behind your ear before gently untangling himself from you, “Feel better now?”

You nodded quietly, still reeling from what had happened but also feeling drunk on his pheromones.

“C’mon,” he murmured, his hands helping you stand up onto shaking legs, “Let’s get you into bed, sweet thing, wouldn’t want to keep you from your nest for too long.”

You could only hope that he would join you.

[crownmemes]

Angry & Irritated Sentences, Vol. 13

(Angry and irritated sentences from various sources. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Did you sedate my mother?"

"I didn't sleep with him!"

"Don't you call me an asshole!"

"Are you trying to bribe me?"

"My opinions shouldn’t be rejected just because people don’t like me!"

"You have the luxury of not caring about your image, but I do not!"

"I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view!"

"I'm not going to like you, am I?"

"I told you before, mind your own business!"

"You're being a jerk!"

"You think this is interesting to me?"

"Did you need to be so cruel?"

"I assume you're here for a reason. What do you want from me?"

"I don't know what your daddy issues are, but don't deflect them on me."

"Did you ever consider being happy for me?"

"You know what happens when you interfere in other people's relationships?"

"You don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"Tone it down or I will hit you."

"I don't have to explain myself to you!"

"What is it now? You irritate me."

"You know, you're very, very cute. You're also very manipulative."

"If there's a screw-up, it's your screw-up."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're annoying?"

"You know, I think you're the wickedest human being I've ever met!"

"Sorry, am I boring you?"

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry if I don't trust your sense of humour."

"You better not be faking this just to get out of a tough conversation."

"You know what's worse than a sanctimonious speech? A sanctimonious speech that's dead wrong."

"You're incapable of human connection, so you want everyone to be like you!"

"You're not gonna make this easy, are you?"

"Don't tell me to calm down!"

"You followed me here, didn't you?"

"You think this is who I wanted to be?"

"Such ingratitude, after all the times I saved your life."

"I don't suppose it's occurred to you that I might hugely prefer someone else?"

"Does everybody around here have trust issues?"

"If you've got a problem with a call I make, question the call. Don't make it personal."

"No! I’m not getting sucked into the vortex of your insanity again!"

"Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?"

"You're more than usually allergic to the truth tonight."

"Have you ever bothered, for just one minute, to understand how someone else might feel?"

"At times, your sense of humour is a little too malicious."

"Do you want to go to jail?"

"You lied to me and betrayed me. Do you think I really care what you consider a good idea anymore?"

"Is there any way in which that is not a lie?"

"Just because you were right doesn't mean you weren't wrong."

"I can smile through gritted teeth and play nice, but there are serious risks of violence involved in that choice."

"You just won't die, will you?"

[elminx]

Somebody just shared a post of mine with the tag "personal correspondences are always valid"...

and just...

it's more complicated than that.

You generally need to know what you are doing to make a personal correspondence for magical purposes. And you need to test it magically, too.

You can't just say "Lavender makes people angry" and then put it in a spell and it will make somebody else angry.

Most good correspondences have a REASON that they bring that type of energy to the spell. That reason may not work for you for whatever reason, and then, you wouldn't want to use it in magic for that purpose. And that's cool but that's different than just willy-nilly making up your own correspondences for like funs.

Let's get a bit nuanced here and use the very debated one: caffeine.

Some people have weird nervous systems where caffeine doesn't wake them up, so using caffeine for its intended purpose wouldn't be the best for them. Cool. But to then go "Caffeine makes me sleepy so I'll use it for a sleep spell on somebody else..."

Do you see the problem there? If caffeine makes you sleepy, you might be able to use it in a sleep spell for yourself (I'm still skeptical there but if you've done this successfully, please lmk - I'm legit interested) but that doesn't give caffeine the correspondence of "sleep" in a generalized sense. To further complicate things, not all correspondences are created equal. Like, change any color correspondences you want - in my opinion. The Eurocentric view of color does not equal what color means to everybody. But that's different than a plant that has certain inherent properties which will carry through into the magic. (And we could get very technical about the inherent properties of color - like black absorbing light and white reflecting light, but I digress) To summarize, correspondence charts are shit and I encourage you to seek out and learn to understand how things work for you in magic. But that's also sort of advanced practice and it takes a long time or trial and error to get right. If you're just deciding something without that, you are probably playing make-believe.

[caseylicious]

Hello again! Hope that you’re having a great day! If it’s alright with you, can I request another rise!donnie x gn!reader where Donnie is such a simp for reader?

Like Leo would tease him about it but he would deny it because of his “bad boy” image. But then reader enters the lair and Donnie is just 💜w💜.

Thank you!!!

Simp.

Summary: Donnie being a simp (more of swooning) for the reader.

Character: Donnie.

Reader: GENDER NEUTRAL

Relationship: CRUSH

Warnings: Leo and Donnie having this whole on sibling moment, but that doesn't affect the silly teasing that'll happen-

Words: 3312

Tags: @ath3nasc4f3 , @anxietyishere

A/N: My dear, there is no problem with requesting another time! Your requests place a smile on my face. I'm in love yet so hesitant with this one- because I don't want it to be to remind anybody of 2012!Donnie being whole on OBSESSED for April. With some serious thought, This is Part 2 of the Mad Scientist!Reader piece. (Read for context)

The story may be a bit wack... but im trying so hard to juice my brain for plot. (currently in writer's block.) As well of trying to follow the basic idea of your request, but overall I like this piece a lot! A few things first! I see Leo and Donnie as TWIN BROTHERS. There's just a lot that heavily implies it in my opinion! and I just imagined that one scene from Aladdin with him just swooning for Jasmine. You get me? Yeah.

I love your ideas. Come around again < 3

As always! Please, Enjoy 💐

[ If you have any constructive criticism or corrections for any of my English do let me know! :) ]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

Waving the brothers goodbye from your introduction, you began climbing up the manhole with April. To your surprise, you've gotten along quite well with each one of them. Even with your "normal switch" off. You've noticed in your time with them that each one of them were different in their own way. Leo was cheery while funny person. Raph was a strong sharp, yet loveable and empathetic. Mikey was one of the loudest people you've met. And Donnie... Before you could continue with your analysis of the whole day you had. April spoke, "Well.. whatcha think man?" You thought for a second on what to say. "I need more context to that question O'Neil." She chuckled, "Of the whole meet and greet! You seemed to get along with most of them."

"Hmm.. I'd say it was a success." April's groan echoed through the sewer hole. "That means I liked them all; your friends." You assumed April grinned and was pleased, because you heard a pitter patter on the bar below you. That would've been the end of the conversation before April opened her mouth once more. "How about Donnie?" You suddenly stopped moving forwards. Which made April bump onto your calf. "What about Donatello?" She snickered. "Pfft- Opinion on Don? There's no way you'd forget him man."

A second of silence passed before you finally answered, "Well.. he's okay." An audible gasp could be heard. "What do you mean okay?! You talked about so much with him!" You looked away from the bar in front of you as she kept ranting. You enjoyed the turtle's presence, you truly did. He seemed to understand everything you were talking about. And it was one rare moment in your life where you kept up a conversation which you found interesting. However you somehow "knew" that he'd leave you like everybody else.

The foreign memory which you've tried to suppress began to play. How you ate all by yourself, which led to you staying in the abandoned science lab for most of your lunch. How you've practiced normal conversation in the mirror. Researching popular trends which you've tried copying to the point of creating an image of somebody you just weren't. It just all didn't click with you. For some reason, you just couldn't fit in with the crowd of your school. And it became the reason for the bad reputation you had.

Personally, you wouldn't blame him for leaving. Eventually he'd see how you were.. "weird." But... good always lifts from the bad. Would it be really a bad thing for him to notice you being "weird?' Hypothetically, if you tried hard enough to "fit in," you wouldn't have had a great time with the turtle. Ideas which you've suppressed wouldn't have been unleashed. And you would still be complaining about society being awful and needing a fix. A grin made itself onto you for a moment before you felt your head hit a flat surface. Adjusting your focus, you have found the manhole cover on top of you. You began to lift the object, moving it to the side. Hearing the metal fall, you then climbed onto the ground. Reaching a hand inside for April who was still ranting on how you and Donnie got along so well. "You understand though- Right, Y/N?" You blinked for a couple seconds before patting her back. "Yes. I agree completely. Let's put a pin on this discussion and come back to it. How about it?" She agreed walking down the street with you. Before the both of you separated due to her route being in a different location. Watching as April ran off, you sighed in relief.

You made your way back home, unable to stop thinking about that encounter you had. That special conversation which made you open up. Where you felt normal. But that's silly, right? Out of every logical and fictional existing thing in this universe, a turtle seemed to comprehend anything of what you said. Who was this "Donatello?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

💜 Donnie

Brzzt. Brzzrt. Brzzrt-

A hard slam landed on the device. It was around 6 in the morning and two tired eyes opened. The tired figure slowly sat up, stretching from side to side. A robotic yet humanoid voice spoke, "It's too early to wake up dad.." A chuckle could be heard. "Shelldon, you understand we have work to do. Acquire yourself some coffee and I'll get some bolts ready for you." As odd as that sounds, the purple drone swirled in a circle before exiting the room. It has been about exactly 4 months and 27 days since your introduction.

In those 4 months you both had been interacting with one another nonstop. Mainly on electronic email and/or text. It contained random ideas and topics which you both enjoyed immensely. He couldn't help but feel a genuine boost of optimism seeing your username and email. Especially on random facetime calls the two of you had. How you showed off your school AP textbooks to Donnie, and how Donnie showed off his battle shells explaining each function. And the best part? You listened and seemed to be genuinely interested in his work. It was strange, but he liked it. a lot.

Before he chose to finally get up, he waited for the hot coffee. Which arrived in the matter of seconds. Taking a sip, he let out a sigh of relief. "Ahh.. That's good." He whispered. The soft-shelled turtle walked over to his desk. Inspecting the blueprints in front of him, his eyes noticed a doodle in the corner of the sheet. Donnie groaned, while a smirk quickly formed. It was probably his younger brother Mikey. He was always one to enjoy doodling on his brother's stuff with or without permission. "Did Mikey touch my work?- I swear... alright, let's see what on earth he drew this time-" What Donnie saw made him shut up. Which was rare for somebody who seemed to love explaining everything he knew and believed in. But what did the young turtle see? No, it wasn't anything inappropriate. And no, it wasn't anything hateful. It was something quite far from any of those things...

It was your name traced over in the blue paper. With what seemed to be hearts surrounding it- and was that a cloud? Whatever the doodle was, he was speechless. Silence filled the room before suddenly he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. "Yo D what are you do-" Donnie quickly grabbed his screwdriver. "EAT LASERS INTRUDER!!-" His brother quickly raised his hands above his face, "Hey-! Chill- it's me Leo!" The purple turtle stared at his twin brother for a couple seconds. Before his face became red, flicking his forehead. Leo quickly whined in pain holding his forehead with one hand. "Scoff! Learn to knock next time brother. What are you even doing up this early?" Leo chuckled poking Donnie's plastron with his finger. "I should be asking you that... but you're always up early. So I won't ask!-" Donnie quickly wore his bandana, glaring a little at Leo. "That doesn't answer my question Nardo'."

"Woahh! Chill, chill. I just got up to the sound of Shelldon making coffee... anddd.. because we're-" For a few seconds, Donnie really hoped Leo had a different reason. "Please, don't say it."

"Because we're twin brothers Donnie~" His drawn-on brows furrowed together. "That isn't a proper reason." A grin formed on his brother's face, "Oh, but it is now! Anyways back to me." He paused. "What's that you're working on?" Donnie should've rejected Leo, he knew clearly it was a trap for some sort of teasing. However could he resist to explain one of his creations? No, he could not. "Well- if you insist. I'm working on a suitcase which can hide weaponry such as my staff. So next time we ever choose to go out in disguise, I won't be held back for a couple minutes for silly reasons such as "illegal weaponry" and-" Leo quickly snatched the blueprint out of his hand, "Hey!-" He browsed the paper for a couple seconds before aggressively pointing at the corner of the paper. "And thinking about Y/N! There's no way!!-"

His eyes widened- "Leo, could you at least lower down your voice!" Donnie watched as his brother giggled for a few minutes on the sight. He tried remembering when or why he chose to write your name multiple times on his own piece of work. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't. There was no collection of him daydreaming about you. As the laughter died down, his brother spoke. "So- what is this? You got a crush on them or something? Lord-"His cheeks flared up, blinking aggressively down to the floor. "Man! This is almost as bad as you and Atomic Lass! Ha! You and Y/N??" Expecting a snarky comeback, he was responded with only silence. Donnie glanced down. Looking away from Leo with shame, genuinely unsure on what to say or do.

Leo frowned, gently placing his hand on his shoulder letting him sit. "Uhm.. You don't gotta talk about it if you don't want to. I know how you are with stuff like this. My bad." He didn't respond, tension filled the room. "Errm..Want me to leave?" Donnie opened his mouth, but closed it. Trying to find the words. Leo waited for him to figure out what he wanted to say. "..N- no. It's fine, don't leave... I'm sorry just.." He took a quick sip of his coffee. "I don't really know if I do. Is i-.. is it okay to feel like this? I've never felt like this and-" He paused, not knowing what to say. "Well, yeah. It's okay to feel like this man! I'll listen if you really want to talk about them." Donnie blinked a couple times, staring at Leo in disbelief. He hasn't had a "heart-to-heart" moment like this with him in a long time. For obvious reasons. He slowly grinned with a nod.

"Well... Y/N- where do I begin. Oh okay.." Leo pulled out a stool, sitting on top of it. Donnie closed his eyes imagining one of the special calls he had with you. "Well, their hair. It's this color that just looks so nice in the dark and light. They have these eyes that just shine like gems found in the deepest caves of the world- and wow their voice. Their voice is a whole conducted symphony Leo..." His brother nodded his head, listening in. Surprisingly not making a comment. "Uh huh- and? What else? That can't be it." He placed his hands on his cheeks, trying to remember one of his favorite voice calls. "We like so many things- Our interests just match! It's as if the constellations aligned perfectly in one part of the world. They just know so much that I know- which is just so mesmerizing..." A short but long 'hmmm.' came out of Leo.

Donnie watched as his brother placed his own hand on his chin. "Well? What is it Nardo?' Leo empathized with his twin brother, mainly on how he spoke about you. He spoke as if you were a holy deity, a treasure, maybe even a blessing! He just seemed to understand how Donnie felt. Even if he wasn't a touchy feely sort of person. "You really like Y/N that much, huh?" Donnie nodded, covering the lower half of his face with his hand. "Well honestly, expect me to tease ya." Before Donnie could scold him, Leo spoke again. "But go for it. Nobody is stopping you from being with them. And I'll be cheering from afar."

Donnie hummed, glancing back at Leo. "..That's actually some smart advice Nardo... Thank you, brother." Leo smirked. "Getting soft on me Don?"

"Don't ruin it."

"Yeah, yeah- You're welcome! Chill!"

----------------

Bzzrt. Bzzrt. Bzzrt-

Your hand quickly grabbed the wire clippers, cutting the wire which was attached to the device. Opening one eye, you glanced to what you have cut. The purple wire. Your eye twitched realizing which wire your hand instinctively chose to cut, which frankly saved your life. again. "Ughh.. What genius am I, if I keep cutting that wire?"

Quickly, you got out of bed, slipping your slippers on. Making your way to your closet, the calendar on the wall of your room was marked. In bold red letters, "HANG OUT. 11:00 AM." That's right! You and your newly made friends made plans to hang out together. Excited as you were. You specifically were excited to share your ideas with one particular person of the group. Donnie.

Mentally you had to slap yourself. It was irritating how he always seemed to be on your mind. Just because he chose to listen to your thoughts? Please. It was almost humiliating how just of one person, you'd be this distracted. You suspected it was because how isolated you were. How you were the 'outsider.' Maybe because he seemed to know about titanium and uranium. Or maybe because he genuinely wanted to become your friend. Your hand reaching for a pen, making a repetitive clicking sound. "Pascal Triangle, prepare yourself to be solved."

You were a fan of mathematics. It being one of your favorite subjects in school. April knowing this information, usually asked you for answers. In which you've always responded, "Giving you the answers isn't going to help your education O'Neil!" "Urgh-! I hate it when you're right Y/N." The thought made you grin, until you looked back down to your paper. None of the pentagons had answers in them. "Wh- what? I thought I was answering these..." Needing reassurance, you flipped through all of the pages in your packet. Expectedly you answered them all. To the questions which required the most simplest distributive property, to having to identify graphs. You didn't seem to second-guess yourself, so you were confident in your work of elimination.

Just.. why now didn't you know what to write? You weren't one to be seriously invested in your grades. Surprising? Yes, however you more focused on whether you knew how to perform the work. Were grades going to help you in the long-run of your "world-domination?" No. They would not, but the Pascal Triangle really shouldn't be this confusing. You didn't want to admit it, but you needed another pair of eyes on this question. Well let's do the simple process of elimination with the friends, or more specifically acquaintances you've made.

April? No offense to the poor girl, but could you really get answers out of somebody who asks you for them? Pass.

Mikey doesn't even know what on earth the Pascal Triangle is. Poor him.

Raph and Leo would give you a detailed look of confusion. Calling over...

Donnie.

Out of everyone on the list, Donnie was the most logical choice. It was obvious he would understand what on earth this was. A groan escaped from your lips. "Can't believe I have to ask him for help on this problem. C'mon Y/N.. you're a mathematical genius! Why can't I solve a simple pattern?" You didn't even notice it, but you woke up at ten o'clock. Due to this one question and overthink, you've wasted another thirty minutes. Leaving you now with... "Oh- SHOOT!" As you launched yourself out of your rollie-chair to change...

Running down the alleyways of New York, you were advised by April to remember the specific manhole which led you down to their quarters. What did the manhole look like again-? You inspected each manhole you passed.

Too Large. Too Small. That isn't the right color. That's a whole pizza dropped on the ground.

Eventually you found the manhole, attempting to lift the metal plate as discreetly as you could. Placing it back as you made your way down. You learned from the last time you visited that it was quite dark. So you turned on the flashlight on your phone, stepping through the puddles, your name echoed throughout the sewer halls.

Finally, what felt like walking in the same direction for so long, you made it to the lair. Nothing seemed to change from your last visit, the graffiti was the same, there doesn't seem to be any new furniture, and.. Splinter seemed to be watching the same commercial like yesterday. Mikey was the first to notice your arrival and waved to you like a kid who just ate a batch of Halloween candy. It was adorable, platonically of course. He ran up to you, a visible grin on his face, "Y/N! You made it!!" You smirked, moving a hair strand behind your ear. "Well of course I made it. I couldn't miss out on a hang-out with you and your brothers."

While Mikey kept speaking with you, you could feel a gaze upon yourself. It wasn't necessarily bad, but it was.. sort of strange. You were the outcast, the 'weirdo' of the school. Who on earth would be staring at you?

.

.

.

Donnie, obviously. He was leaning against a wall, standing near the edge of the skate ramp. A small smile growing as he observed your very movement. You just were able to speak in a way that could make his heart flutter. Donnie suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, jumping in surprise. Realizing who it was, his sharpie-brows furrowed together. "L- leo! Do not creep up on me like that." Leo cackled, noticing that you've arrived. "Checking out Y/N? Gotta say Don, not your sort of thing to do." It was quite obvious for Donnie that his twin brother, wasn't going to ever let this go. An unnerving feeling, he didn't like it. "Aren't you going to talk with 'em? Y'know, make your move?" Donnie frowned unapprovingly, "I wouldn't use that saying, but yes. I was going to talk to them..." His twin brother only stared at him, waiting for the second half of the sentence. Soon realizing, that was it.

"Well! If you are then get down there." Leo moved behind Donnie. He became suspicious immediately, "Nardo- what do you plan on do- ING-!!" He was suddenly pushed down the skate ramp, now rolling towards you like a wrecking ball. Immediately jumping into action, his battle shells' metal claws grabbed hold of the floor. Throwing him back into the air, to land on his two feet. As he was about to glare and scold Leo, you spoke. "Oh my God! Donnie that was- so impressive! Was that apart of your shell?"

To the sight of his shell acting like a sixth sense, your curiosity blasted off from there. Did Leo know you'd react like this? ... Maybe. Donnie wasn't the only brother with smart ideas. They're twins after all. Donnie only blushed, as you began to circle him. In a respectful distance, "What coding did you use for them to do that! Oh my- look at this! Are these compartments for items?" After a few seconds of silence, Donnie coughed, collecting himself. "I- indeed! Well, specifically, more of an Object-Orientated type of programming." The two of you didn't even notice as Mikey left, letting you both infodump. "Really? That sounds like absolute hell! You have to teach me how to code something like that... Oh right! I need some help for this math assignment. Know about the Pascal Triangle?"

Donnie chuckled, "Do I know the Pascal Triangle? Y/N, who do you think you're asking? They're the training wheels to the most amateur of equations." Suddenly he watched as your eyes lighted up. A grin filled with relief and joy. Something that felt so amazing to experience in person, "I completely agree! Mind if we go into your lab? It'd be better to discuss there." He nodded his head as you ran off. A lovesick grin visible on his face. Wow you were... just perfect.

"Ha! Lover Boy-!!" "NARDO."

[spilledcoffeeonthefloor]

a lot of months into their relationship, which Andrew didn't admit they were in one,

he asked Neil to stop whatever this was between them.

Andrew didn't want to be something for Neil to fix. cause he knew it wasn't possible. he just didn't want Neil to break in the process of fixing Andrew.he wanted to make Neil leave, before Neil decides to leave himself. he told him he shouldn't settle for the first person he's attract to, he should explore his sexuality and maybe he'll even find out he's into girls.

Andrew had expected Neil's protest, cause he is Neil and that's what he always do,

what he didn't expect was a fight. a fucking fight.

he didn't expect Neil be so sure of what he wants and raise a fucking hell

" i don't know why the fuck do you think i will do something i don't want to."

"yeah because every decision you've made so far was a win. don't be fucking stupid."

"oh huh no no no Andrew 𝘺𝘰𝘶 don't be fucking stupid. you're literally pushing me away cause you think i don't know what I'm doing??"

"yes."

"well, fuck you for doing what you don't want to."

"here he goes, still doesn't give a shit about what he wants."

"this is what i want."

" you don't know that cause you never had the chance to want anything else."

" i do now and i choose this"

"there is no this to choose, that's the problem."

the second thing Andrew wasn't expecting, was Neil's childish, childish, so childish behavior, after they settled for a conclusion that Neil needs to figure his shit out and fuck around.

well, it was Andrew's conclusion, which Neil saw as a challenge and decided to make a hell out of it.

so the next day, when Neil injured his ankle in the practice but insisted to go back to tower by himself,

Andrew told him to not be stupid and get in the car.

and it went like:

Neil first turning his head in Andrew's direction, then takes two steps closer to him, a confused look on his face, then so confused and innocent said "I'm sorry, i don't.." he looked left, then right, looking for something, then looked at Andrew and said "fucking see where the fuck did i asked for your opinion. as much as i know this shouldn't concern you, watch your own shit, just like 𝘺𝘰𝘶 decided to."

then pulled his duffel on his shoulder and left, smug.

all the foxes fell silent for a second. trying to realize what the hell just happened, while Andrew was still looking at where Neil left the locker room.

well, he's gonna be a pain in the ass. Andrew could feel the storm.

"what the fuck?" Dan said. eyes wide.

"did you break up or something?" Nicky asked nerves.

Andrew took his own bag, ignored all the question and told them if they don't be fast enough to shower, they have to walk back to tower, then left the team with their face as a question mark.

Andrew knew it was going to be a long week. and it was.

Neil accepted Andrew's decision, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to be an ass about it, and show it to everybody.

"Oh I'm sorry did i forget your daily reminder to mind your own business?"

"imma get a soda, maybe I'll tell Roland he can come and take his chances with you again."

"yeah i don't know Nicky, maybe I'll just go hookup with the first person who suggests since as some people say, I'M CLEARLY FREE FROM A CAGE."

"Oh kevin did you hear something? i think Andrew just said something but i can't hear him since i choose not to."

"excuse me? did you say don't be a child? we'll I'm pretty much of a child since i can't make my own decision, mr minyard."

"where am i going? England. i noticed I'm incapable of doing basic human actions so I'll go ask my uncle to be my legal gardian and get me a new ID as someone under 18 so he could make my decisions himself."

"Oh my god Andrew i had almost mistaken your behavior for giving a fuck. don't say anything else next time, just like we decided to. wait no, just like 𝘺𝘰𝘶 decided to. yeah."

"wow it's a great day for being incapable in making decisions."

"would you not talk to me? cause when you open your mouth i wanna kiss you so bad but i can't cause you said no so shut up and let me keep my fucking calm."

It wasn't even a week yet, but Andrew has already had enough.

so he kicked kevin out of their room at 3 am and locked the door before Neil could leave the room.

"Ah look you just took the decision of leaving this room from me. tsk tsk." he said after a yawn.

he was still dizzy with sleep. Andrew didn't have any sleep, he was thinking all while shifting in the bed. Neil was a light sleeper, and clearly he woke up with the sound of kevin nagging and going out of the room.

" you're being ridiculous."

"excuse me?"

"stop acting like i did what i did to punish you."

"well, what you did was stupid and here's the result."

"what i did was because you are stupid. Neil you-"

"if i believed for a second, that this was what you wanted, i would accept all of this and close my mouth shut."

Neil was starting dead serious at Andrew. then he swang his legs and got off the bed to stand in front of him.

" if for a second, i knew you really, really didn't want me here, with you, i wouldn't be. but your problem is something else and you're not telling me straight."

the third thing Andrew wasn't expecting, but somehow was, was Neil seeing right through him.

"tell me what's your problem Andrew. what is it with you, and what do you want for and from me."

Andrew knew he could hide things from Neil. it wasn't like it was impossible to keep anything from Neil.

but Andrew didn't want to, and so that was why Neil knew.

Andrew really didn't want to. Andrew wanted to be seen, be understood. for once again in a long long time, Andrew wanted to solve something that is a matter to him, instead of shutting it down and pushing it away.

“Tell me what you’re not telling me.”

Andrew really fucking hated him.

"the liar wants fucking truth? alright, here your truth: you won't last long with a lost cause, josten."

it was a long, long talk.

this time unlike their last conversion, they were talking slow, murmuring even, calm. sitting in front of each other. Neil had a knee pulled to his chest and Andrew had his head resting on the wall behind him, one knee pulled up. it was a long long night.

"i can't be fix."

"I'm not here to fix you" Neil said, looking at him softly, then he shuffled closer to Andrew and put his forhead on Andrew's pulled leg.

"I'm fucked up too. we're not perfect, but we fit. we're gonna heal. i don't want to fix you, damn i don't want to change anything in you, but i want to be with you when you're healing, when you decide you want to let yourself heal. like how you're with me when I'm healing."  he brushed his fingers with Andrew's on the floor, while he continued talking and pull down all of the walls Andrew had made around himself.

"I'm not gonna fix you. I'm not going to do anything in your life, I'm not going to change anything. I'm just gonna be there with you when your making a decision. not having a choice while i was younger doesn't mean i don't know how to make one. I'm not here cause i think you're fucked up enough to tolerate me, i choose you cause i want to. i heal with you. i don't want anything from you, i just want to be with you. it's not like I'm gonna leave cause you didn't give me what i want. this doesn't work for us like other people. i already have everything i want."

Andrew still didn't say anything. Neil's words were a heavy, heavy weight on his chest that mede him breath easier instead of choking him.

"unless you really want me to. unless i can feel it instead of hearing some forced lies"

Andrew had prepared himself for Neil leaving, long ago. it shouldn't had sound so horrifying to hear, so horrifying to imagine.

Andrew really didn't want to.

and he said so. pulled Neil's hair and brought his face up and closer to his own, Neil had to put both his hands on either side of Andrew's waist to support his weight, and when his face was so close he could feel Neil's warm breath, he murmured against his lips

"i don't. i wish i did. it'd be so much easier without you."

truth

" i know."

also true

but they also knew, that easier didn't necessarily means better. it actually never did. it was a fact by now. specialy when it came to their 'this'. it was the furthest thing from easy, but the hardship and fuckery was worth it.

was welcome.

so they share this truth in one light press of lips, then two, then three and four and a lot more when it turned to fire meeting fire. equal forces of need.

and Andrew thought he was kidding himself when he thought he wouldn't miss this, cause right now, he didn't know how he went days without kissing Neil.

it kept him sane.

They clung together, kissing hungrily. Wound so close, every breath pressed them together, sending heat in waves through Andrew's core.

he was so mad at himself for lowering the defence he spent days to build. was mad at Neil for being like this, he was mad at their this and was questioning everything and wondering when the fuck and why the fuck it turned to a "this", but now he was in too deep and it didn't matter how and why. he was so mad he wanted to kiss Neil until he suffocates and fucking dies.

Andrew really hated Neil. he hated anything he felt about Neil. they were so much and so deep and felt so forbidden and dangerous. and Andrew wanted Neil to know and never wanted him to know.

so later that night when he was fucking Neil into the matters of his bed, slow and deep, holding him with gentle hands, leaving bruises all over his neck and collarbone, swallowing his moans and buried deep inside him, he hoped Neil would feel it in each thrust, every slide of lips that were hardly parted from eachother, and every kiss against his neck. he hoped Neil would see it in his eyes or in the way he murmured his name against his ear, the way he kissed his forhead. the way he held him in his arms when Neil was all worn out and out of space.

"but next time you pull such a bullshit, I'll really head to England."

"at least now i can kick your ass when you decide to walk back to tower with an injured ankle."

Neil smilies, clearly holding back a laugh.

"i wasn't hurt that bad."

"you looked like a 13 year old teenage girl who would pull her hair out if you told them no again."

"yeah i will be worse if you do that again."

Andrew huffed and rolled his eyes.

Neil shuffled closer to him, and said with a whisper: "whatever you thought at that moment,

your past doesn't say who you are, Andrew. it's part of you, not all of you. it doesn't define you whole, you're not just whatever fucked up thing that has happened to you. i learned that through years of being a new person with no past."

Andrew gave him an unimpressed look.

great. life lessons.

"you talk too much like betsy for someone who hates therapists."

"do you think I'm like my father because i meant to be when i was a kid?"

Andrew blinked at him. Neil mentioning his dad actually surprised him.

"do i sound like betsy now?" Neil looked smug.

"i say that because I've lived that, betsy says that cause she has seen it in someone else. doesn't change the whole point, though."

just hearing and knowing something, doesn't make it easier to act on in or truely believe it. Andrew knew a lot of things through years of therapy, but he still couldn't help but feeling and not feeling things he knew he wasn't supported to. but he also knew that it's normal. it takes practice, energy, time. it will hurt and it won't be easy, and it might not completely heals, it probably won't, but eventually, it'll be better, it'll be worth it.

he hopes.

𝒉𝑜𝑝𝑒, another thing he worked damn hard to accept. to have.

"no, it doesn't, and you're not."

Neil smiled at him. "i know. I'm gonna heal too."

"you will."

they both would heal.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕?

𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘.

they would both heal, together.

[redhatmeg]

Okay, so this is my little analysis of dreams in Restless.

Before I start I need to mention that I know that in some places it's the forshadowing of the events in the future season (little sister's coming, yada yadda) and it will be shorter than usual because I don't feel like rewatching parts of the episode to analize it scene by scene.

Anyways...

Willow's dream about going to the drama class/workshop and immediately having to perform in a play seems to indicate that she still has problems finding herself. The play is Death of a Salesman about a last day of a man who thinks he's lost in a game of life... but all the people in the play wear silly constumes and it seems like Willow's normal clothes also are a costume. Willow feels both like she's not taken seriously and like her persona is also a character she plays before everybody. Once Buffy removes her "costume", Willow looks like a sweet, shy schoolgirl she was back in S1. I think that her interrupted presentation on Narnia represents her trying to talk about things she likes and cares about (like her homosexuality and interests) but nobody listening to her.

Xander's dream is largely about being stuck, while everybody else moves on (in his dream, even Spike who becomes the Watcher under Giles's tutoring). He didn't go to college with the girls and had to work in part-time, lower-class jobs, while many people looked down on him as a loser. More importantly, there are remnents of childhood here and there - Buffy, Giles and Spike on the playground, the ice-cream truck being full of toys - and I think it simbolizes that Xander feels like he hasn't grown up yet. There is also a theme of military - both the Initiative and Apocalypse Now - and since joining a military base seemed like a viable option to Xander at some point, maybe he still considers it.

Giles's dream is about his responsiblities as a Watcher and what other Scoobies expct from him. It starts with him, Olivia and Buffy going on a fair in the middle of the cementary, but Olivia is driving a stroller and Buffy is a child - she wears children's clothes and acts like a child. This can mean both that Giles sees her as his daughter but also that she's sometimes irresponsible and treats her mission very lightly. Then we have Spike who chose a new path for himself and tells Giles to figure something out (there is also crying Olivia in the background who Giles dismisses because of his duties... twice). Finally in the Bronze he meets already attacked Willow and Xander, who expect him to figure out what's going on. They are also distracted by Anya doing a stand up comedy and when Giles is going to tell them where to look at, he's asked to sing, so he literally sings to them the solution. Everybody expects him to have answers and generally during his exposition everyone's eyes are on him. But there's more to him than that.

Finally Buffy's dream is partly about being alone, partly about things to come, and partly about the first Slayer. The most striking detail, in my opinion, is that scene where Riley is in the Initiative with unmodified Adam and tells Buffy that he just got promoted and they talked about world domination. Probably Buffy feels like he - as former Initiative's soldier - can still become a villain, since he was part of this government program for so long. But it can also mean that when she was in the Initiative she was patronized by those government people.

Sorry if it's so short. These are all the things that came to my mind.

[thecurioustale]

I Think It's Time to Drop the "Drop-Biden" Faction

Using another one of my limited political credits to infuse my art-oriented tumblr with US politics. Skip this one if you don't go for that stuff.

I've had a few weeks now to take the pulse of what's happening with regard to the whole "Should Biden drop out?" thing going on inside the Democratic Party and across the left, and here's my takeaway:

The drop-Biden faction within the Democratic establishment smells of a conspiracy that lacks the confidence of conviction. Clammy hands, mumbling public statements, a malaise of cravenness, and a clear sense among the conspirators that they know they are in the wrong but are doing it anyway so their faction (or factions within the faction) can gain power inside the establishment. That's why I'm so disappointed in Representative Adam Schiff for coming out on their side of late: I have a pretty high opinion of him, and for him to join them, let alone to do it so late, smacks—to me, at least—of incredibly poor and/or opportunistic judgment.

Vice President Harris is the ONLY acceptable alternative to President Biden at this point. And I say that as someone who is not a supporter of hers. Anyone else would be a betrayal of the choice of the public during the 2024 primary season, and would smack of party insiders overturning the will of the voters. The fact that the drop-Biden faction has not been clear-throated and unified in naming Harris as the only acceptable replacement for President Biden is very telling, because it means that there is jockeying going on right now about who it would be—and clearly the conspirators are not for Harris. That, in my view, makes them unfit as arbiters and their case untenable.

Not much is more uninspiring than a conspiracy that doesn't believe in itself. On these grounds alone I would be inclined against their cause.

But there are more grounds: I have also had a chance to listen to some of President Biden's statements over the past few weeks, including the extemporaneous remarks he gave at his recent press conference. And, to get right to the point, my mild-to-moderate concerns that flared up in the aftermath of everybody and their dog having a meltdown after Biden's debate performance (which I didn't even watch at the time, lol) has been completely alleviated: Biden is not senile. He is very clearly not senile. Yes, he's old. He is uncomfortably old. Cringeworthily old. It's a very real possibility that, if he were to win a second term, he wouldn't be able to complete it. But, from where I am, he's still got his marbles. And that's the ONLY question at issue here: Is Biden mentally competent? I think he unambiguously is.

And that's the end of the dilemma for me. Am I wrong? Is he senile and I just don't see it? Maybe. But I have made my judgment. And, given that judgment, the path forward for me is clear now: You don't go against the results of a primary election if you can possibly help it. The people voted for Joe Biden. The time to replace him was across the country in the primaries months ago, not behind the scenes in July.

The drop-Biden faction says there is another, equally relevant question: Can Joe Biden win in November? There is a cynical, almost nihilistic attitude here, the idea that principles don't matter and that whichever pathway is likeliest to lead to power is by definition the best one. But I have two problems with their thinking:

First, principles DO matter. The democratic process is spelled out and we need to respect it. We spent a long time in this country fighting to make the political parties more transparent and accountable to the people in their presidential nominations. What, we're just gonna undo a primary election now? When the winner of that election says he's staying in the race and the main criticism against his fitness to be our nominee doesn't hold up to the sunlight? No, that's completely unacceptable. That's in the same vein as the authoritarian shit the Republicans have sold their souls for.

I realize that primary elections are almost impossible for an incumbent president to lose. And, yes, I realize that perhaps it would have been wiser for Joe Biden to choose not to run for reelection. I thought that was his plan, until shortly after he took office when he launched the legal process to run for reelection. But for better or worse he chose to run again, and, given that he has had the most effective Democratic administration since LBJ, he certainly had standing to do so. And consider this: The present crisis of worry about Biden is unprecedented in recent times. If there really were such a dam of worry waiting to burst all along, I think it would have been plausible for the primaries to register it. If nothing else, a hotly contested primary could have identified a second ethically viable alternative to Biden besides Harris, if the establishment and the drop-Biden faction in particular are so damn nervous about her. (This is assuming she would not have run against him herself in those primaries.)

Second, as President Biden himself has said, as well as many of his supporters, the judgment of the drop-Biden people as to who actually is the likeliest pathway to power is questionable. What is these folks' track record in wise prognosticating of this sort? What is their evidence for their case? I find these arguments lacking.

Joe Biden has demonstrated a winning electoral coalition. He was written off in the 2020 primary season and won, and won against Trump that November. He got the votes of the people. And while I think he would not have won that year were it not for the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic, he nevertheless won convincingly and earned the badge of electability in the minds of everyone. Nothing says "electable" more than having already been elected president once before. Trump is a hard opponent to beat, very hard. Trump is channeling the mental virus that has overtaken the conservative movement in America. He is extremely powerful. By his charisma and his political savvy he is powerful. His enemies within the Republican Party all end up singing his praises and kissing his boots, no matter how badly he has disparaged them, or else they end up leaving the Republican Party or being booted out of it forcibly. And holding Trump to account for his many crimes is literally buckling our judicial system as we speak—a very stark indicator indeed of Trump's power. And, so, any Democratic nominee would inevitably face an unwaveringly stiff, deeply unfair and low-down campaign against them by Trump. If not Biden's age it would be Buttigieg's sexuality, or Booker's race, or Newsom's "California"-ness, or whatever. The right is always going to come up with a smear campaign. Look what they did to Hillary Clinton, a superlatively competent and well-qualified candidate. No one running against Trump this year would have an easy time of it, and that includes Vice President Harris, who is female, black, from California, from an immigrant family, and a former "cop," and who has a reputation for being hard to work with and fostering high-friction work environments (whether or not that's true, or just sexism, or some of both), all rolled into one. Joe Biden's age is literally the only personal attack against him that ever stuck: He is a white male, deeply religious, very likeable in person (so everyone says, even many Republicans, though obviously I've never met him), relatable, etc., etc. He disarms the low-level sexists and racists on the Democratic periphery and in the political middle. He makes progressivism palatable for everyone. There is a real possibility—one which I think is accurate—that Biden was the only Democrat in 2020 who could've beaten Trump. Is Biden now, really, at the very bottom of that list in 2024, because he lost his train of thought during a debate? I don't buy it.

I think there is a plausible possibility that the firestorm in the media and in party and activist politics isn't as much of an issue with the general public. The president's age may be something ordinary people disapprove of, but it isn't something ordinary people feel when they pay rent, buy groceries, or have their rights stripped away by a radical Supreme Court. Just two months ago we were talking about how profoundly unpopular Republican policies are. That's still true right now.

So, principles matter and Biden may not be as weak of a candidate as his detractors claim. Those are my criticisms of the context of the drop-Biden faction. But what about the merits of their case, such as they exist?

Well...the main argument of the drop-Biden faction in the rightness of their cause, and by far the biggest issue I haven't discussed yet, is the polls, and I am of two minds about this:

On one hand, if the polls are accurate, that probably says more about the lunacy that has overtaken America than it does about Joe Biden. Just about anyone with a pulse who isn't (ahem) a convicted felon ought to be winning against Trump in a landslide. Trump stands for the end of America as we know it and the beginning of an authoritarian regime. He stands for the reversal of generations of gains in civil rights and social welfare and the entrenchment of Christian fanatics. Not because he himself is for these things, but because his pathway to power runs through others who are. If Joe Biden is losing to that, and if the media is focused on the idea that Joe Biden is the one among these two who should drop out for the good of the country, then maybe America deserves another Trump presidency after all. Maybe we've become too corrupt and wicked and selfish and evil to keep our republic any longer. And since that collective "we" very adamantly does not include many millions of Americans who are active on the left or otherwise active in support of our constitutional system of democracy and the rule of law, maybe Biden's terrible standing in the polls is a permission slip of sorts to begin having the unthinkable conversation about dissolving the United States or else taking more radical actions to safeguard it against these domestic threats on the right—such as taking back the courts, ending gerrymandering, abolishing the filibuster, imprisoning domestic terrorists and paramilitary extremists, shutting down churches and Christian schools and propaganda outlets that radicalize people, and using the Supreme Court's newly-created office of King to eradicate the most dangerous fascists. That's assuming we ever win the presidency and Congress again, of course, which may well happen but isn't a given anymore should the fascist-run GOP decide to make good on their threats to overthrow our Constitution and lock in minority far-right rule.

On the other hand, the polls may not be accurate at all. Polls in July about an event in November are almost meaningless anyway, and, more importantly, it is very difficult in the Trump era for pollsters to weight their likely voter adjustments correctly. It is a rock-solid given that Trump's base will turn out to vote for him; they always do because they are mindless zombies who are completely predictable. The real question, which makes predictions so chaotic this year, is what the rest of the electorate will do. Since the last president election, Donald Trump has become a convicted felon, the orchestrator of a Supreme Court majority that stripped people of their constitutional abortion rights, and the instigator of one of the most shameful days in American history, January 6. Most of his former administration that aren't in prison have publicly disavowed him and are warning the public not to reelect him. These are not good people, for the most part, so imagine what that implies. Joe Biden's age doesn't change any of this. It doesn't change the current economic situation, nothing. It doesn't change the horrifically unpopular right-wing agenda. It changes nothing. If the polls say that Biden is trailing badly against Trump, then either the public is insane or the polls are wrong, and either is distinctly possible.

Maybe "insane" doesn't fully capture the spirit of it. I realize that politics as we typically define the word is largely a dog and pony show, all style and very little substance. I understand that American political discourse in the mainstream is vapid, ill-informed, superficial, and fickle. I understand that there is a possible world where Joe Biden's age really is more important to people to reject in November than the threat of the end of democracy (even while Trump's own age remains almost completely uncriticized). And if that's where we are; if we are too stupid or careless or selfish or uninvolved or, yes, even insane as a country to know any better; then it's time for America to be held accountable. It has become my refrain that we are going to deserve what we vote for in November, whatever that may be.

I remain hopeful that if the Democrats and their allies run a good ground game this season, and continue their coverage of strong ads on the airwaves and online, then there is a chance of winning in November.

I think the drop-Biden faction has had its moment. I think they came at the (now-literal) King and missed. They didn't have the goods, it shows in their behavior, and, for better or worse, Biden says he is staying in the race.

If he does reverse course in the coming weeks and drop out, I think Kamala Harris is the only acceptable alternative, regardless of my own tepid approval of her, and I will emphatically and completely support her from that moment until Election Day. But that would be Biden's choice to make, and he says he has chosen to stay in. And, by the way, I would note that Biden's core of support both during this crisis and in his original campaign for president in 2020 runs through core Democratic demographics like the black community and organized labor, and perhaps this is an opportunity for the rest of the Democratic establishment to demonstrate that they are willing to do more than pay lip service to those demographics when it comes to respecting their perspectives and positions.

And as for my personal preference, I'll say it this way, with the most primitive, self-serving angle I can muster: President Joe Biden forgave the student loans that I thought I was going to die with, and gave me thousands of dollars of much-needed support during the pandemic. No other president has ever done more for me. Now that Biden has also won the mandate of the Democratic electorate, I would be pretty damn ungrateful, and more than a little foolish, to oppose him if he decides to stay in. And he says he is staying in. So that's that.

But there is so much more behind my decision to support him than just my personal financial interest. From his startlingly (and refreshingly) liberal governing posture, to his decency and his respect for our constitutional and political norms, to his stalwart support of Ukraine and Israel against the nefarious forces arrayed against them, to his competent and capable cabinet and administration, to his excellent political negotiating skills—which have resulted in quite a bit of meaningful legislation passing through Congress despite the filibuster in the Senate and of late even despite the GOP control of the House—for all of these reasons, he is the president for me.

As I have said before, if the worst should happen and President Biden were to die or become incapacitated in a hypothetical second term, he would be ably succeeded by Vice President Harris, and the work of his administration would continue in the immediate term under the leadership of his well-qualified officers.

And, if you're wondering, part of me does wish that Joe Biden had chosen of his own accord not to run for reelection, because he really is getting old. But he didn't make that choice, and I for one respect it. And part of me would be relieved if he does drop out in the coming weeks, though another part of me would be just as nervous about any other candidate's prospects.

And, at this point, I think the drop-Biden faction is doing more harm to our prospects in November than good. I think it's time for them to stop. I have a very hard time seeing a future where anybody besides Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, or Donald Trump is the president on noon of January 20 next year. And because of the selfishness and fear of the drop-Biden faction, what I previously thought was a solid 50:50 election prospect is now one that I think strongly favors the Republicans no matter what we do or who we put on the ticket. I consider this a self-inflicted wound, first by Biden in choosing to have a debate with a failed coup instigator and convicted felon at all, and second and more importantly by the drop-Biden faction by losing their party discipline following his bad debate performance without a strong case for breaking ranks.

Putting all of that aside, and looking at the grand tapestry of America: Maybe the winds really have shifted and Joe Biden no longer has the appeal to beat Donald Trump. But if that is true—if America really has fallen so low—then let us learn it through the honest work of campaigning to reelect Joe Biden and failing, rather than having that decision foisted on us by cowards and opportunists consulting their crystal balls behind closed doors.

And that is what I think about all of that.

[majaloveschris]

It's interesting to see how angry people got just because I said that those pictures don't prove anything to me. I don't think that me ever expressing my opinion about anything—the wedding, for example—caused this many hateful asks. // Because people are tired of the presence of those in the fandom, who insist on continuing to spin webs of increasingly conspiracy-like fantasies to create false hope and explain away the basic reality: that Chris married a woman who lot's of fans don't like and that whatever seems "weird/off/out of character" and "doesn't make sense", has other simple explanations than the false interpretations and conclusions you (and others who ate up the lies about pr relationships/stunts that got spread in various fandoms) came to. Starting with the simple fact that nobody here knows the real Chris. Or the fact that love can turn people into hypocrites. Or that a certain amount of pr is present in most real celeb relationships.

That doesn't mean people can say and talk to people however they want. "Being tired of someone" doesn't make anybody entitled to leave hateful and disgusting asks.

And sorry, but me thinking this is PR makes me unwanted in the fandom? Just because I think this isn't something real? So I can't be Chris's fan because I don't think they are together, and even if I were, I wouldn't see that big, happy love? I agree that there are a lot of people who take things too far, and I don't understand why they are here when they hate him so much. But until people are capable of expressing their opinion in a respectful way, I don't see a problem with being here. Or do you really think that if this whole thing is not PR, he or his team will come here and read what we say? Do you really think that if this is not PR, they care what I or anybody else says or thinks about the nature of their relationship? Especially when I, for example, always try to remain respectful towards everybody. Every anon and every participant in this whole thing. I talk about choices and actions, never about looks and appearances.

If you are tired of someone, you can unfollow or block them. I have my opinion; I don't create false hope since most of us here are adults, and we can decide where we are standing and what we are believing. I have my opinion; I talk about it, but I've never stated I knew something, so I can't create false hopes.

Opinions aren't conspiracy theories. Me saying that I think they are PR isn't one. Those theories are usually about something much more important and widely known, like that the moon landing was faked or Diana's death wasn't an accident. Two actors being in a PR relationship isn't one.

PR relationships have always been a thing in HW. It's not a myth; it's not something that is uncommon in Hollywood. Yeah, not every relationship is PR; nobody said that, but there are PR ones out there.

Nobody said we know Chris, and yeah, while PR might be involved in every celebrity relationship, this is not the normal amount. He never needed to post video dumps or have hundreds of articles about his love life. Yeah, we could say it is because she is the one and he is crazy for her, but I don't see that in their body language or faces. My opinion.

[procrastinatorproject]

Fuck it, I'm gonna start posting my own shouty thoughts on season 3 of Picard rather than just commenting on other people's stuff.

I'll keep taggin everything "#picard spoilers" (assume I'm talking about everything up to the most recent ep, I'll warn seperately for leaked/promo stuff about ep 10) and "#picard saltiness" so you know what to blacklist (or look for, I'm not telling you how to internet 😋).

I'm sorry/get ready.

Here's the thing. I would like to watch season 3 of Picard and think "Oh well, this wasn't made for me, the same way season 1 wasn't made for the type of TNG fan who is in heaven right now. And I'm sad my favourite characters and main reasons I liked the show in the first place got written off, but I'm glad these other fans are having the time of their lives. Good on them, I'll just mentally file this away as a season/new show that I don't connect with as much as I'd hoped." I really, really want to be able to think that and approach season 3 this way.

But the writers won't let me.

At every turn, and I mean every turn, the writers have gone out of their way to not just pretend the previous two seasons didn't happen, but to remind us they happened and they were stupid and you're stupid to ever have enjoyed them.

It's not just that Picard, in the middle of his disillusioned identity crisis, when he has been holed up on his vinyard for over a decade, talking to nobody, and feeling deeply disappointed by Starfleet, gives an impassioned speech to a bunch of young people about how Starfleet is the only family you'll ever need.

That's a type of discontinuity/soft retcon I don't particularly enjoy, but if it were just that, I wouldn't be writing this way too long screed.

It's not even just the implicit "we will do it right this time" on display e.g. when Picard "flies" the Titan out of the labouring nebula. In that scene, Picard walks up to the captain's chair to take the conn, the TNG theme swells, he sits down, the music becomes bombastic, and he gets to be the Heroic Captain We All Remember. That scene is, in my opinion, something of a parallel to the season 1 scene where Picard tries to hijack La Sirena to take Soji to her people. In the season 1 scene, he sits in the captain's chair, the TNG-inspired music swells, he is about to be the Heroic Captain We All Remember -- except then the music fizzles out and the moment deflates because Picard has been retired for a decade and a half and has no idea what he's doing (and is certainly not the most qualified to do it on an unfamiliar ship).

That parallel in season 3 rubbed me the wrong way, because it felt too close to a refutation of season 1. Too close to "See? This is how that scene should have played out!" But that is a me problem. If the writers were remotely aware of the parallel (and I honestly doubt it, because I'm not sure they know season 1 well enough), it's just as likely they wrote it as a tongue-in-cheek reference, more than a rebuttal. Assuming the worst would have been on me and my unwillingness to give this season a fair shake. And if that sort of scene were the worst of it, I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't make it everybody else's problem.

Except the writers didn't stop there.

I would (eventually) be okay with it if the writers had just quietly abandoned, ignored, or even outright retconned some characters, history, themes, and plots from season 1 and 2 they disliked. But instead, they repeatedly acknowledge the existence of these elements only to then dismiss them in frankly viscious ways.

It's not enough to ignore the Jurati-Borg in all their Eggness glory and how they would be incredibly relevant to this story season 3 is trying to tell. It's not enough to pretend that storyline never happened and move on. Instead, the writers acknowledge the existence of the new collective, but the only sentence where it's mentioned is a character talking about "That weird shit on the Stargazer."

Yes, Shaw is a dick, yes it fits his character, yes Watsonian reasons. But it was still an active choice by the writers to only bring up one of the major plot developments of season 2 in the most derisive way possible.

Another example: The writers apparently felt that the Troi-Rikers didn't belong on Nepenthe. But it's not enough to have them move somewhere else between seasons, or even to let them have a discussion about how Nepenthe is steeped in loss and grief and they want to move somewhere else and start over.

Instead, the writers have to take time out of their already shoddily paced season to have these two characters extensively shit-talk one of the brightest momenst of season 1 (figuratively and literally). It's not just "they don't like it on Nepenthe anymore", it's "they never liked it, everything about it is terrible, everything season 1 showed you about their life there is a lie, and it has always been shitty and cringey and stupid, and you were stupid to like it!"

It's not just "we dumped our diverse characters, challenging themes, and relatively fresh view on the Trek universe from outside Starfleet for starship porn, great (white) men, and more Starfleet nostalgia than you can even comprehend". It's not just "we're going to ignore the existence of season 1 (and to a degree season 2), because it's not doing the things we want to do." It's not just "we're making this show, knowing (and not caring) that it will alienate a large chunk of the people who enjoyed season 1".

It's "we see what previous seasons were trying to do, and we need you to understand, really understand, how much contempt we have for these seasons and the people who enjoyed them."

I know some people felt this way about season 1 and the way it deconstructed Picard's image as the Great Heroic Captain and laid open his flaws and the flaws of the Federation. And I now empathize with them more than I ever thought I would. But I think there is a big qualitative difference in there.

In season 1, Picard gets put in his place. He has women people telling him when he's wrong, where he has failed, where he should have stepped up and needed to do better. But the show is still deeply sympathetic towards him. By the end of the season, Elnor has forgiven him, Raffi has forgiven him (without ever getting an apology), and he gets to save the day [whether the end to this particular arc is well done (it's not) is a rant for another day].

The failures Picard is being reproached for in season 1 pretty much exclusively happen between TNG and PIC. They tie in to patterns and tendencies the character has always had and attempt to deconstruct some of them. But there's no direct evisceration of specific things that happened on TNG.

At no point does Picard get out his Ressikan flute to make a glib comment about what a useless trinket it is, and how he should have thrown it out years ago. At no point does he turn to Riker and say: "Man, do you remember that Darmok and Jalad shit? What a waste of time! I wish we'd blown up that ship when we encountered it."

Season 1 is critical of Picard's character, yes, and it might feel crass or unfair at times (not least because we're still not used to seeing Great (White) Heroic Men Of Our Childhood get deconstructed that way). But any reproach the season 1 writers levelled at Picard pales in comparison to the petty contempt the season 3 writers regularly display towards the show they've ostensibly taken stewardship of.

Season 1 might have been a bit glib or inconsiderate of the legacy they inherited. Season 3 is viscious. And I am so, so tired of it.

[the-smallest-star]

"Why is hospital food so ropy, like... food thats meant to be solid is either mush or a rock." Patch sighed, glancing at Gritt. Though his brother seemed to be in his own little world, "You alright G?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. I'm good." "Mhm... you might be the better liar of the two of us, but I see through you. Whats rattling in the ol' cranium?" "It doesn't matter, you need to focus on getting better." Gritt pushed back, trying to close off the subject.

Patch wasn't having that.

"My body fixes itself on its own clock, whether I want it to work faster or not. You're upset... and its not just cos of me." He reached over, prodding the superstar's head, "Tell me or I'll keep poking you." A few pokes was all it took, and Gritt took a deep breath. Patch wasn't going to drop it.

"... I dunno if I should of accepted being Baron." Gritt confessed, making the younger twin blink. "I accepted it for three reasons. I didn't want to loose my friends, I wanted to keep you and my family safe, and no one else was being offered it. Imps, Hellborn, they need a voice. But... I feel I accepted it for the wrong reasons, like I did it because I felt I had to. To do the right thing and look out for everybody. But I just... bleached myself to do it."

".... you want my honest opinion?" Patch asked, Gritt nodded in reply, "You shouldn't of accepted it. You're not a baron."

"I'm... not?"

"No, you're not. And no fancy title is going to change that." Patch continued, "You care about the people sure, you touch their souls with your music, and if you come across somebody who you can help, you will. Because you're a good person. But you're a free spirit, a wildfire that does what they want. Suppressing that and pushing yourself into a fitted suit is going to hurt you."

"But what can I do? I can't just quit. Who'll help hellborn? Who'll keep you safe, I-... I don't even know what I can do. You do charity events all the time with your friends, you used to cater royal banquets and know the decorum and shit, and... I'm not you."

Patch mulled it over, tail flicking, "... I mean... this is just an idea. Royalty is all about bloodline right? So shouldn't you be able to pass on the title to someone else? Stay as Gritt the rockstar. I could be Baron."

"You'd want to be Baron?" Gritt said, stunned at the suggestion. "Well I like royal festivals, I like fancy clothes and big palaces. I'd want to use power and influence if I had any to help fix things. And maybe some people would stop throwing gazpacho at me for being cold. Plus, no offense, I'm not still recovering from a lifetime of trauma. I've got a therapist, I'm as stubborn as you. And I've lived in Pride even longer than you, I know where its problems are for hellborn. I could still have a restaurant, annnd given you're my brother, it should keep the birdy happy if your friends want to talk to you and hang out as 'The Barons brother'. And it'd be a big fuckin' middle finger to Gillian for throwing out and disowning her 'Baron' son."

The... suggestion did make sense. While Patch's contributions were unnoticed, he really did focus on making Hell a better place for people. The first argument Gritt had made at the start; There were others who'd done more for Hell than he had.

Patch was Gritt's blood. Gritt could step down, let Patch take his place... if he could get royal approval. His brother was better suited to support hellborn on a royal level, Gritt knew this. Patch was good at holding his own in a battle of wits and words.

"... I'll talk to Lucifer."