#it's all about pain and pleasure
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It's all about pain and pleasure - chapter 7 Sneak Peek
As promised ;) Enjoy!
A puff on the cheek. "Phantom?"
A magnetic force that could not be resisted. "Are you here, Phantom?"
Hermione followed the call, ready to plunge into that dreamy abyss.
She peered between half-closed eyelids. Bella's onyx eyes reflected in her bronze ones.
As in a lost tale, two souls from different worlds, separated by time and space, crossed the bridge between universes at nightfall to find each other.
And now they were together again.
A feeling of fate and warmth enveloped Hermione as the dream took shape around her, as the figure of Bella seeped into her consciousness, as she found herself back after a long day in what was beginning to feel more and more like home.
Was she a fool to think so?
Chapter seven is almost finished and will be released soon! Can't wait! Here is the link to chapter one:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/48228979/chapters/121625137
#bellamione#hermione granger#bellatrix black#bellatrix lestrange#bellatrix x hermione#hermione x bellatrix#sapphic#ao3 fanfic#bellamione fanfiction#bellatrix black lestrange#hermione#hermione granger fanfiction#it's all about pain and pleasure
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Izutsumi character study
#dungeon meshi#izutsumi#One of my goals for this year was to spend more time doing art studies.#What better way to start than with my favourite danmeshi character (not seen: a whole page of figuring out her features)#I feel like she is by far one of the most poorly understood characters in the series. Partially due to her 'late party member' status.#'She's abrasive and mean' - 'she's a picky eater' - 'she's a catgirl who acts like an asshole cat ' YES and that is the point!#Everyone in dungeon meshi is traumatized and messy about it but izutsumi is just less polite in how she tries to cope.#Izutsumi is a extremely traumatized teenager who has utterly lacked autonomy her entire life.#She is the epitome of a “If I can just have X thing then all my problems will be solved!” character. And the X is 'Freedom'.#Her epilogue was one of the best and wrapped up her character so wonderfully (WARNING: I WILL NOW SPOIL PART OF THE ENDING)#Because she finally gets her freedom! She can go where she wants to and she doesn't need anybody! Yet...it doesn't fix her.#She is so focused on doing only what she wants that she forgets her own needs. Sometimes you have to eat the things you don't want.#And sometimes you have to face the hard truths that you need more than just one thing to make you happy.#Life is not all about only seeking pleasures and avoiding pain. You need to be balanced in order to grow.#Eat your vegetables (including the metaphorical ones: I am eating more art veggies this year by doing art studies!!!)
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one of my favorite hobbies is in fact making fun of lestat because let’s be honest he does deserve it 99% of the time but then i start rereading tvl and suddenly I’m like….man he really went through so much, huh? he was really traumatized and taken advantage of over and over by both strangers and people he loved….like man he really was stalked, kidnapped, and forcefully made into a vampire against his will….he faced years of abuse from his father and brothers…..he witnessed the death of his only lover and before that his resentment and eventual madness….he really cries every other page and has 10 existential crises before he even becomes a vampire but he wants to be good he wants to be happy he tried to run away to the church he tried to run away with the theatre troupe he just wanted to act and love and be loved and at every turn he was done wrong and hurt and abandoned and nobody ever really helped him and I—
#like. not to be a lestat apologist on main but oh my god the horrors he experienced…..all alone……#I just kept thinking about the scene where he’s turned and he’s so scared and alone and he still chooses to say no and die human#he didn’t want this!!! and then he’s left all alone again and he’s dying and he’s in pain and#literally screaming and crying and then he has to see a pile of bodies that all look like him and then what????#he’s supposed to be the same person after all that?? like of course he’s got ptsd of course he’s got terrible coping mechanisms of cours#he acts the way he does because like how do you live with all that unless you turn it into something meaningful in any way you can#and for him that manifests as a god complex and controlling nature and enjoying all of life’s pleasures to mask#his crippling self loathing and fear of abandonment and intense intense trauma.#um. ….anyway…..sorry for lestat posting like this do you guys still think I’m cool#obvs not excusing the bad things he’s done but like……..it still hurts…….#to quote that one post I’ll always taking louis’ side in the divorce but….sometimes I stop and really thing about everything lestat has#been thru and like….I care him…..😔#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv spoilers#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire chronicles#the vampire lestat#m watches iwtv
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Viktuuri week day 6: Love
#no one said love had to be happy#love can also be the indescribable pain of abandonment and longing because some times cupids arrow just hits at the wrong time#and i love making my little paper dolls suffer#i had actually planned on making all the pieces for viktuuri week sad or angsty in some way but i ran out of time and fluff is so much fast#but ive had this piece planned since like july so i was NOT giving it up#also this is the only piece with my trademark flower symbolism and i couldnt just not stick to my brand#the flowers used are sacred lotus; red spider lily and camellia japonica dahlonega if you wanna know their meanings in hanakotoba#look at me being nice#giving you the names instead of you having to figure it out on your own#i really do sometimes forget that other people havent spent hour long sessions researching flower language and symbolism#so like if you wanna know the meaning of a flower ive used in a piece just ask#i will happily rant about my thought process#anyway ANGST#yes i did take great pleasure in getting to draw every detail of this and especially his pained facial expession#AND THE HAIR#drawing the highlights gave me life#and just MMM i loved drawing this so much#yuri on ice#yoi#yuri on ice fanart#yoi fanart#fanart#art#arom antix art#arom antix#viktor nikiforov#viktuuri week
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201.
#[MY LONGEST YEAH BOY EVER]#i am. i am simply losing it. that's all.#this scene is at such pains to point out this is not about justice. this is the pleasure of making someone who's made you suffer;#suffer in return. moby dick; liz. a man should be punished for something he did.#that's all he ever thought of; destroying the thing that hurt him.#the news from collinsport#roger collins#burke devlin#sam evans#elizabeth collins stoddard#dark shadows
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Started reading Piranesi and two pages in I went "OH this is about G-d" and then started crying
#its about love its about kindness#and most of all how deeply those things can take from you and shatter you and how to embrace your life of pain to find the pleasure#piranesi#susanna clarke#pernambles
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— But it's almost midnight.
— Oh, that's the point! At the stroke of twelve, he turns into Dracula. C'mon, Vicki – he won't bite.
pose ref.
#dark shadows 1966#victoria winters#roger collins#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure，miss winters.#vamp roger au tbt#➤ roger collins. ┊ I and my ghosts want a drink.#➤ victoria winters. ┊ because she’s lost and lonely. because she looks in shadows.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#art.#i always feel a little apprehensive about putting r/v things in the general tags bc i know that's not everyone's cup of tea but.#if r/v squicks you out and you don't have me blocked idk why lmakldfgfg. that's what we do here.#well! did you know that the moonflower is a highly poisonous and psychoactive flower that belongs to the nightshade family#and can cause respiratory depression arrhythmias fever delirium hallucinations psychosis and death if taken internally.#and they are night-blooming and pollinated by sphinx moths. much to think about.#scenes from the vamp roger au that i've been plotting with tortie and have only posted like one thing about but. anyway.#should be making violent love to you behind a palm tree etc. but the moonflowers in liz's greenhouse will have to do.#yeah yeah yeah we've all heard about his more famous triangular cousin but what about the real collins vampire huh.#who was here in 1966 draining years off another man's life. who spent ten years in a coffin (augusta) and came back wrong.#who knows nothing but a habitual; driving; consuming thirst.#who feeds on the youth and innocence of his governess – of his sister's hospitality – of the shelter of the collins blood.#who prefers; instead of living; to bury himself in the collins tomb.#who creates not biological sons but makes other men into monsters just like him.#also lou was really hot as a vampire for 0.5 seconds in hods.
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Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death
#(i'm fine)#(personally) (mostly) (really)#this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals#and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that...#...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once#including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that#and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died#and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal#which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting#and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing#desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird#always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/#and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were#so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile#but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had#and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair#to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly*#and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful#i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why...#...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating#it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible#and feeling that way is 100% sane#and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple#for meaning and for ideas of what to do#so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things#and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days#often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control#and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being...#...at least a sliver about ME and my little world#about me
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this dialogue path im so 😭😭🤭🤭
#shri’iia going like you weren’t THAT good 🙄 as if she didn’t come multiple times bc he’s probably more attentive than her matriarch#like I imagine her matriarch being a very selfish lover and she always receives and never gives and shri’iia being so used to that#so when the act 1 forest sex scene comes and astarion performs as he does and he’s very giving and thorough and more focused on her own#pleasure than his shri’iia is like ?? brakes screeching noises in her brain she’s not used to this btw#not to mention she’s already drunk as fuck and trying so very hard to ignore the pain in her chest from oath breaking#so she gets even more confused and she just lets him do what he wants to do#cue the morning after .. ‘you weren’t THAT good’ whatever you’re just saving face 😭#anyway. I like this dialogue path too bc you get an insight on astarion’s pov where he says he was holding back and making his excuse#when he was probably dissociating / feeling disgusted at having to do his routine again#but then it’s all part of his plan so he gotta do it. also that’s what he knows how to do so he has to do it and liking it is a diff matter#but when he says the ‘how dare you’ like it feels more playful so I think that kind of dynamic where they clown on each other is what they#both like. I also think that in the second time they sleep together it’s a bit more playful bc they’re getting that kind of dynamic more#based on the flirting scenes you can get prior the second time he offers to sleep together again#but to me when they overtly flirt / or when they fuck is when the seeds of the romance are planted .. it only develops when they start to#hang out with each other lol. like this whole romance that’s built on deceit and using each other#gets developed bc they actually like being in each other’s company 😭😭 idk that’s so cute to me#and when they’re actually together it’s like. this slowburn where they’re not putting any labels on it#they just hang out with each other for the next couple of hundred years and occasionally get married#multiple times for the attention and gifts lol#actually have more thoughts abt astarion/shri’iia 😭 they’re infesting my mind like mold#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers
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First 6500 words of Chapter 7 are done, we are almost half way through it 👀
#it's all about pain and pleasure#hermione granger#bellamione#bellatrix black#bellatrix lestrange#bellatrix x hermione#hermione x bellatrix#sapphic#ao3 fanfic#bellamione fanfiction#bellatrix black fanfiction#bellatrix black lestrange
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Video
youtube
Kiss me 💙
#💟#Doodles#Art#Edgar#Scriabin#TGWDLM#Crossover#Loved and Wanted#Yes I'm counting it lol#Bonus under the cut - all the frames with the lyrics#Hello it's Being Mean to Scriabin time again#Well that sure didn't take long huh#Okay so look this one wasn't my fault I actually literally stumbled upon this song without meaning to and then it took over my brain#To the point where I was like - too exhausted to work but too excited to stop so I'd just sleep and then immediately go back to it lol#It's just uuuuggghhhhh such a perfect song#It's music!! about Entity Possession! The only thing that doesn't explicitly scream TGWDLM is eggs#I think the original is about bugs? Seems like it's about bugs. Gives me buggy vibes#Something something bug-aliens because of evolution and familiarity in phenomes blah blah blah#Honestly tho the final line about pain leading to wild unknowable pleasure I just hhh that's exactly it that's The Thing#That's Loved and Wanted to a T#It actually made me go reread my WIP and from there it was a lost cause lol I finished the entire set in a few hours#And then woke up the next day blazingly excited to edit everything into place#I did try to slow down and doodle conscientiously - thus the toning! :D#There's also something poetic about the Loved and Wanted doodles being where I switched from .5 to .7 shading hehe ♥#Now it's that but in reverse! Working my patience back up a little at a time haha ♪#Oh yeah and I specifically wrote it down so I wouldn't forget lol - Scriabin's not injured in the fourth panel or anything#He's hiding for sure but he's just got a stitch in his rib (I couldn't remember what it was called for a bit so I wrote down knit haha)#Also a reminder that Scriabin is immune to the Apotheosis so he's literally just doing this to be mean :)#Adklsfajd there's a bunch more little details I'd love to ramble on about like A!Edgar untying Scriabin's yarn but ahhh tag limit!#I think I got all the Most important notes down at least ahh! Excite!!
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I feel like a fucking feral animal that needs to be pinned down by the throat and stabbed.. i mean fucked argh no what i wanted to say.. is i need to be fucking sta
#nsfwtext#loosing my marbles#thinking about fucking provoking them#acting out#scratching them#to make them violate me and fuck me to pieces because i need it so so much#but they just think it's cute#poking fun at me for being so desperate for them#being pinned by the throat i slowly start getting weaker and they praise me for being good and relaxing#fucking me oh so slowly and it's NOT ENOUGH#but it's all I am going to get#struggling#trying to fuck myself back into them#but it just makes them press harder#until I am all still#like a little doll#teary eyed from my endless need and how feeling them rut into me so gently doesn't give me any relief.. it just makes it worse#feeling like going crazy and breaking down while they push a finger into my mouth to suck on#slapping me and then going back to chockeing me.#feeling my arousal built more and more#wanting them so much it doesn't matter if it's pleasure or pain begging to be kicked or fucked harder or cut or punched or skull fucked#just anything to truely feel them#argh#i am about to start biting people i need this#thinking about the times someone made me hurt so bad during a scene i felt like I need to throw up#like me brain was all pain and somehow it still got worse with each hit#that pain is so bad i feel like blacking out#saying yellow and#how just one touch was enough to flip the switch and what was pain just a second before was now arousal uggh am so needy for pain rn#when you are so full of pain in a scene it's like your consciousness morphs and all there is is you and pain and your partner
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10 Happy Things
May 11, 2024
Slept most of the day let's gooo
My bed and clothes are so warm and cozy
Called my mom and apparently she was out with people but she stepped outside to talk to me for a bit before going back to them and just feeling very very loved
My mom called me back and I talked to my sisters for nearly two hours hwjoiegdjkl we're just absolute nerds the lot of us
The Bible Plan I've been doing these past few days is just re-looking at everything from the basis of just get right with God, are you following Jesus and it's been very comforting to have that reminder like it is relational, it is supposed to be a delightful life we're living, there's no stress at all about doing x or y and if you're supposed to, it will not be anything but good
I can't really move my toes individually (except the ones at the ends) and I think it's kinda cute. They're a pack. They're friends. Do Not Separate.
The Tim Horton's White Hot Chocolate is so insanely good
Dungeon Meshi is such a good manga broooo
There are so many joys that I don't think I'll run out of them, and isn't that just the most delightful thing ever?
When I started this list I was feeling a little tired but now I'm quite happy and excited!! I'm so grateful to Katie for getting me into this, and my friends who also do stuff like this
#5 happy things#i don't know why but sometimes i feel a bit silly posting these online bc they're always so personal#like my awesome mom and my weird toes and my religious leanings - i know none of it is very relateable#but i think we're all allowed to be a little selfish in our joy and it's little hurt to see someone else's pleasure i hope#i got my period last night and was as usual quite unwell physically but oh what a delight it was otherwise#i went through the little routine i tend to go through with my mom of like dragging over a chair to lay on while in the bathroom#and setting up the trash can and such nearby#and i missed my mom and thought about calling her and i didn't bc it was like 3am though i did immediately today hehe#but i just thought it was really so incredible to have a mom who i wanted to call when i was ill. who i could call anytime i wanted#how rare is that? how wonderful is that? it touched me so much that all the physical pain felt worth it for the proper knowing of that love#i was thinking about all the good things i've been given - my house and bed and blankets and covers and clothes#and as i was praying i was also thinking that this was what my dad taught me and how he comforted me#and when he prayed for me or tells me he prays for me that's how i know he loves me more than i could know#there are a lot of my joys i think are embarrassing but to be treasured isn't one of them. that one's just pure thankfulness#i know i'm quite spoiled and young and silly in many ways and i'm so thankful for it. i hope i can love others even a fraction as i've been#knowing full well that i'll always be in debt to the goodness of the world and the kindness it unceasingly gives me
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Real punching bag hours, huh?
It's always real punching bag hours here bestie!
#cnc-pet#asks#i was actually talking about this with my bf yesterday#i was looking stuff up and apparently little to no pain response is a main symptom of the dissociative group of disorders#so im basically getting all the endorphins and pleasure from being hit with like zero of the actual pain#idk how to explain it but being hit literally feels better than getting head to me its not even a competition
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r/v + matching outfits.
#what if we never did anything about our potential romance and we didn't get married but we were visual and auditory mirrors to each other <3#what if we lived together and i subconsciously started adopting your habits because we're in such intimate quarters all the time#wouldn't that be silly ?#and that it goes both ways... top gif he's dressing like her; bottom gif she's dressing like him....#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure，miss winters.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#gifs.#the way they're always matching when it bears symbolic weight about their allegiance...#vicki allying with roger to go accuse burke of messing with the brake cylinder as one of The Collins Household;#the matching dressing gowns the morning that he asks her on an actual date where she; again; helps him and furthers his goals;#and MOST importantly the two instances of wearing *very* similar clothes when laura shows up;#that they are a team – for david's safety – that they are a unit separate to laura.
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hey it’s the uh. angry roman anon again. not to out myself as an actual idiot (and possibly an illiterate) but i didn’t even register your blog name until you brought it up.
sorry for being so aggressive, that wasn’t very cool of me. i promise my rant wasn’t targeted at you, i kind of just picked the first blog i saw. your response was really insightful though, i appreciate you giving me the time of day!
LOLOL ur all good no worries!!! it happens fr. and hey if you ever want to read some loser's rambles about why roman roy is being such a dick (not that it's excused or valid or Sometimes People Are Fascists And Sexual Harassers Etc To Cope???? but more just like damn how'd he end up this way) boy do i have the blog for u :)))
#but yeah no him and gerri are downright painful to watch. and shit's only getting worse from here on out with Fascism Arc Time#that's what i'm here for though honestly!!!! i like it when people do terrible things and they're characterized with humanity and sympathy#anyways bc that's just kind of how people are! it's boring if they're evil and that's it. he's horrible and he's also deeply tragic and#doesn't take pleasure from these interactions with gerri at ALL and it makes so much sense given everything about him and it's not#out of blatant malice or sociopathic cruelty but something far sadder and more interesting -- good ole emotionality and humanity#he's fucking awful but he comes from a human place. like he is PAINFULLY human. which makes his momentsof inhumanity even harder to stomach#imo!!!#but for some people they're just like Man Fuck This Guy IDGAF and honestly valid. i just take issue w ppl who are like 'roman is a less#developed nuanced meaningful character than the other sibs' 'he's just evil perverted comic relief' bc he's so much more than that#but if the critique is man this guy's a fucking asshole i hate him then like yeah you're right he is LOL and not everyone finds that kind#of character really interesting so it really is a case of to each their own#anyways! appreciate u following up <3 no worries at all it was just a funny ask to receive like... hello? LOL#have a good rest of ur succsunday (pretend it isn't monday now) though#heheh#succession#asks#anon
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