#it's also strongly related to a personal experience so. you know. lmao

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Saw your reblog of the fic ask post so here I am, asking you about your fics 😂 what's the work you most love rereading (if you reread your own fics)? And is there any particular line that you wrote recently that you're proud of/particularly happy about?

Aaa thank you!!!

I do reread my fics, yes! My favourite changes from moment to moment – it depends on how much time I have and what I'm in the mood to read :) Just a couple of days ago I reread Home is where your family is and had a lovely time (I can confirm I'm still the biggest fan of Home Again, Rose!).

As for the lines, I don't want to spoil anything from my WIPs (one of them should be published either tomorrow or Thursday!), so I hope you won't mind if they're not very recent – and if I choose more than one!

I'm still really proud of this passage from i hope you do believe me / i've given you my heart:

"She pauses, waiting for Dorothy’s attention – not that it’s necessary: Dorothy has been paying attention to her all afternoon long. She’s hit with the sudden certainty that Dorothy’s never stopped paying attention to her, ever, not since that day a couple of years ago when she first walked into their home."

And I'd also like to quote this passage from the first fic I've ever posted on AO3, the sky is set to burst / the gold and the rust / the colour erupts:

"Eventually, this simple thought will become part of Aziraphale’s own happiness, another thread simply woven in the soft blanket of their love, warming his very being for all eternity. Right now, however, his mind is busy turning his world on its axis – so the warmth he feels is more similar to the heat of a thousand suns, lighting up his essence to the point where he can barely contain it. It comes out in a brilliant smile of his own and in a pang of something warm and nostalgic around his throat, and Aziraphale wonders – not for the first time – why the physical manifestations of great happiness and great sadness are so often the same, when the two feelings themselves are completely different. Because he might be tearing up, but there is not doubt in his mind that this is the greatest happiness he’s ever felt – after all, what greater happiness is there than being a source of happiness for your beloved?"

I'm sorry – I know it's more than one line, but I just love the passage so much! Possibly because that fic marked my return to writing after more than a decade of silence. I might be just a bit emotional about it.

Thank you so much for the ask, this was great fun!! <3

[bonefall]

Looking for advice since you're great with stuff like this: I'm struggling with how to have a character fundamentally change. A character in my cat story loses his memory and ends up working with the main characters to stop his own plan he made to destroy the world (and after the plan is stopped, he regains his memories). I want his time in the Starless to change him, make him less obsessed with power, but I'm really starting to struggle with whether or not that makes sense and how to work that.

Hmm.. well, first bit of advice I always give is that characters are not people. They are writing tools. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be "realistic" or that connecting to the human traits in the audience isn't important.

It means that a character exists to tell a story.

By "tool" I mean "machine." Every trait is a piston, and ideally they work together to drive your story along. What are you saying with each trait? What is your beginning point for the story, and their end? What do you want to explore? What do you want the audience to take away?

So if you feel stuck on a character, find the larger message you want to impart with them. The job they're doing in your narrative.

What do you want to say about power?

What do you want to say about why Character X wanted to destroy the world? Why was he wrong? What feelings and information lead him to that conclusion?

What is his redemption arc doing for your themes?

Every writer answers those questions differently. For example, I feel strongly that power doesn't corrupt, it reveals. When you finally have the influence to make others do what you want, you make them do it. I don't see "power" as being like... a magic, abstract thing, it's influence over other people, and those people are ALSO individuals with their own reasons for following the leader.

Digressing; what I'm getting at is that, as a writer, I have a lot of thoughts on power itself. I got this way with a lot of reading and interest on the topic. You might find it insightful to experience more art, essays, and commentary on the subject, if you ever get stuck, and develop an opinion you feel strongly about.

Not just about power, as broad writing advice.

Anyway.

If I was writing the character, these are the things I'd be thinking about specifically and changes I'd be making on personal taste. I don't know your full story enough so, hopefully it's insightful;

First of all I'm always SUPER wary of the "correct but demonized radical" trope. Does my villain have a point?

Am i just giving them a Kick-a-Baby scene to make them wrong when they should be completely right otherwise

What are my themes and tone? This is VERY important. Steven Universe is about family and emotions with low stakes violence; the Diamonds are essentially abusive grandparents that Steven is coaching through intergenerational trauma. They fit the universe they're in. Jack Horner does not belong in SU.

So I'd look at Character X's purpose.

Knowing me, I'd actually take out full amnesia entirely. I have memory problems related to trauma so I'm a lot more familiar with major, important details blotting out RIGHT when I need them. Enough that I can put myself in the shoes of someone like BB!Fallenleaf who remembers a lot but the details are fuzzy.

So personally I think I could write this villan to be VERY funny lmao

"Hello. I am Gnagnathor the Destroyer."

"No you're not. He has three horns. You have two."

(DID I USED TO HAVE THREE HORNS?????)

I also just find it more resonant when a character still remembers what they did, why they did it, and is able to refute themselves with their own growth.

To me like... when a character remembers NOTHING to the point where they're not informed by their actions or history at all, how are they really still the same person?

in general though I find total amnesia uninteresting. I wish it was less popular.

What did Gnagnathor DO with his power? What did he WANT from it?

The simplest version of this I know is "Gnag was hurting and wanted everyone else to hurt too. Now that he has a happy place, he doesn't want that."

TO BE CLEAR THATS FINE. That's a REALLY common power fantasy and it's not automatically a bad story. It's popular for a reason.

Personally I feel strongly about the idea, though, that people with power don't change unless they lose it. There's no reason to.

People don't change until you break the environment that contributes to the behavior.

Especially with victims unfortunately-- the ugly truth is that a lot of problematic behaviors exist because they protected the victim from their abuser's actions. You need safety to really start to unpack that.

You can personally identify it and address it as much as you want, when your abuser starts to use That Tone you will still seize up. Just try to yank yourself back into your head when you're disassociating during a screaming session; your reward is raw distress.

That said, not all villains HAVE to have tragic motivators like that, or be ex-victims at all. Leveraging power to get what you want can be as ugly as just being taught the people you're hurting are subhuman.

Or making up justifications for why This Is a Good Thing Actually.

Some people will lash out violently when these justifications fall apart, because accepting it would mean they're Being Bad

Most people have an innate desire to Be Good. Like... the vast, vast majority of people. Some sense of morality is observable in all intelligent social animals; dolphins, chimps, elephants.

Tangentially, if you understand that people don't WANT to be bad and that the natural response to a scolding is defensiveness, you understand that convincing people of something is a LOT easier when you approach with kindness.

AND IN TURN: be wary of those who are flattering while trying to convince you of something. This is Manipulation 101.

So back to Gnagnathor

Do I want to talk about environment and how it changes him to be away from power? How traits that previously earned him wealth or influence are suddenly incredibly taboo, so he can't use them here?

On that-- HOW did he get his power in the first place? Re: I'm very wary of the "correct but demonized radical" trope.

Were his minions following him because they have serious issues and he exploited their desperation? .....are you centering the experience of the poor, sad abuser over his victims

Or are they ALL united over something important and legitimate? With the redemption of their villainous leader, how are you planning for that to frame all of their former followers?

(This is why redeeming minions is usually a lot more productive than doing it to the leader, imo. Redeeming Zuko means you can explore the familial legacy, the indoctrination of the Fire Nation's children, their justifications, the way systems make monsters out of people. Redeeming The Firelord would probably have caused Azula, one of his victims, to pick up his slack and now, suddenly, you have a VERY uncomfortable situation where Ozai is thrashing one of his abused children but Good This Time.)

(Not to mention that, again... why would he do this. He has power. He's doing what he wants and is used to this situation. It would be a numbskulled narrative choice.)

Aaaand that's about all I can say without essentially being a cowriter or editor. It's on you to figure out what you're trying to do and say here. I'm a good writer on this subject because I think about it a lot, which has lead to my strong opinions and point of view. Your art is a reflection of you.

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 01.17.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

motor head - @jeonjcngkook (jjk x reader | fwb, angst, smut, pwp)

summary: jungkook doesn’t like seeing someone else have your attention, so he decides he’s gonna do something about it.

feel like ive been here since the conception of this majesty?? like i was here for the horny discord chats n edits about motorcycle jk, therefore, it's only fair that i can gatekeeper him... mine. ALSO NOT U STARTING IT OFF W GETTING SANDWICHED BETWEEN MY BIAS N BIAS WRECKER?? THE DISRESPECT OF IT ALL!!!

^the feminism leaving my body when sav writes about jk manhandling oc n having her use his bike as a vibrator

^^me regaining the feminism when she whips a whole tape measure at him theme shits is HEAVY LMAO

also like... your brain w this fucking smut bro?!?! it's literally one of the hottest smuts ive read in a v v v long fucking time?? THE JUMPER CABLE HANDCUFFS LIKE GTFO??? SHAKESPEAREAN OF SMUT REALLY!! and i completely get where oc is coming from bc some of the things he said had me side eyeing like... repressed feelings maybe? but then is he just super possessive and his anger/hurt came from ego n not emotions... genuinely love when the characters are hard to read like thats everything. n she better fuck taehyung >:( BUT RUN DONT WALK TO READ THIS UGH IT WAS SO GOOD BBY LIKE NO WONDER SHE WAS DOING ROUNDS IN THE TAGS!!!!!!!

tales of broken hearts - @taegularities (kth x reader | ex2l, childhood sweethearts, fluff, angst, smut)

summary: when a work trip brings you back home, you don't expect for anyone to await your return or remember you. but despite the time apart, taehyung still does - still looks at you the same way he used to five winters ago.

rid, im not joking when i say this is everything i want in a fanfic. like ex2l always gets me, and you legit mastered it with this one. something about right person wrong time just does it for me. that opening line was so simple but so so so beautiful:

"Love doesn't bloom during frigid winters."

and your ability to fully write in the pov of the character that you've crafted is nutty. like on the outside, it seems like a simple thing to do, but ik from experience that it's really not. like the way you perfectly represented oc's bleakness in the beginning through the word choices, that only shifts when taehyung is being discussed, is a1 storytelling. and same with him, like even when things are falling apart, the metaphor compares oc to a star, n that's how he sees her despite the circumstances. IM EMOTIONAL!!!

and idk dude i think i feel so strongly about this piece bc i relate to this oc sooo much. like the way ur desire to get out of ur current situation bleeds into every aspect of ur life n ruins relationships n u end up even worse than u started off in a lot of ways- NOT THIS FIC BEING A WHOLE HIT PIECE RID LMAO >:(

they deserve eachother sm and oc deserves a happy easy love and THE ROUNDABOUT MOMENT IN THE END LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I LOVE WHEN EVERYTHING TIES IN AND UGH I FUCKING CAN'T THIS WAS A MASTERPIECE LIKE I NEED TO SEE THIS ON FILM BBY THE BIG SCREEN!!!!!!!

posting this a lil early but who gaf :')

[bestworstcase]

I’m curious about your honest thoughts on Oscar Pine and the position the narrative has set him in. [14 year old gets infected with an immortal parasite and he believes it’s going to eat him. Eat his brain, his personality, his free will. And Replace Him.] Your analysis of Salem and Oscar’s interaction in the whale was fascinating and I’m dying to know if you have further or more overarching analysis on Oscar. Kid can’t catch a break from the horrors but seems to be the turning point to reject the status quo and CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY re working with Salem against the gods. THE GAME WAS RIGGED FROM THE START, REJECT THE PREMISE

this posts about ruby as much as oscar but i here's the main screed from when the 'the little prince' allusion got confirmed. also i think a lot about the mirrored ways salem and ozma treat cinder and oscar a lot

like any of the mains it's helpful to examine his roles in the core allusions to get a sense for where rwby is going with him ->

he's the little prince (a story about a child's journey into adulthood wherein transcendence-through-death is used to symbolize the experience of growing up without losing yourself; rwby literalizes this theme as ascension in v9. ozpin is the pilot, who is spiritually dead and cynical until his relationship with the prince revitalizes him, and then he has to let the prince go)

he's jack pumpkinhead (tip's "son," who spends much of the story fretting about decay and his own mortality because his head, a pumpkin, is going to rot; notably for rwby's purposes, jack is not wrong to worry, but he's saved from this fate by canning his head to preserve it)

he (along with cinder) is symbolically if not literally one of rapunzel's twins—note the congruence here with the prince's relation to the pilot [surrogate father/son] and jack's relation to tippetarius [creator/creation]. thus his (and cinder's) role in the maiden-in-tower layer of the narrative is to bring ozlem back together, probably in vacuo if the desert/wasteland thing holds.

<- so a purely intertextual reading suggests pretty strongly that oscar is on a track to being liberated from ozma in the course of the ozlem reconciliation and probably facilitated by ruby on the grounds that she is 1. the protagonist, and 2. the snake.

also we are definitely supposed to understand the "merge" as something that really would destroy oscar if allowed to complete and the contingent of this fandom that keeps reassuring each other that it's Fine Actually are unserious and fooling themselves. the kid actively preferred to continue being tortured than risk accelerating this process by using magic to escape—it is not a coming-of-age metaphor, lmao.

moving away from the intertextual layer, and sort of in the vein of the second post i linked, on oscar's quasi-familial relationship with ozma, i think about this a lot:

esp in light of what i talked about in this post regarding when the ozlem daughters disappear from ozma's side of the story. ozma loses track of his girls as soon as he attacks salem, and the girls die—her "we finally had freedom"/"why do you keep. coming. back."—ozma tells oscar he's sorry for leaving and oscar retorts "i'm not upset that you left, i'm upset that you came back." the stuffed dog symbolizing the deaths of his daughters and the stuffed dog symbolizing the child he's erasing in service of the god for whom he sacrificed his family. there's… some interesting implications knotted around this being the imagery that accompanies ozma thinking the problem is that he left versus oscar wishing he hadn't come back.

(see also, the fanon presumption that salem is furious with ozma because he left her versus salem herself expressing her rage as "why do you keep coming back"—as always rwby is not subtle AND YET)

anyway. the point being that i think the narrative is quietly interrogating ozma's role and culpability in the deaths of his daughters through oscar, who is also a quasi-child of his that he is killing—and while the curse itself is not ozma's fault, his treatment of oscar and insistent resignation to the inevitability of oscar's death is within his power to change, and of course i think ozma's apostasy is a prerequisite for him to be freed from oscar and vice versa. and the insidious combination of the merge itself and ozma's constant "our souls are becoming one" reminders is wearing oscar down. so there's a lot to chew on.

my most controversial opinion about him is that he is in far more danger than cinder is, vis a vis their relationships with their respective sides of the divorce

his stuff with ironwood in V7 also plays against penny's stuff with winter in a fascinating way because in essence he and ironwood are having the same debate that penny is having with winter and in the end ironwood and winter turn in opposite directions; winter throws herself between cinder and penny+fria rather than try to take the winter maiden for herself while ironwood shoots oscar over a ledge rather than listen to oscar's pleas to back off from using the winter maiden to open the vault.

and then in V8 penny is drawn into being a repetition of ozma's original tragedy—the noble hero brought low by a virus and killed—in juxtaposition to oscar surviving by choosing to become more like ozpin (using magic to blow up the whale) but in a context where that sacrifice was perhaps unnecessary (salem chose to let them go). the penny grief arc is already leading toward empathy for salem (see: ozlem parallels with ruby all over V9) and i think oscar's and ozma's witnessing of that will be… interesting, because one of the obstacles to the ozlem reconciliation is that ozma really does not understand how deeply salem grieved for him the first time she lost him.

hrgddhk it's difficult to talk about solely oscar because he is a load-bearing pillar in the story and that means his character is interlocked very closely with a lot of other character arcs—maybe more so than any other main character tbh.

[necrophcge]

NAME:

Lee

PRONOUNS:

he/him

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?

// Meddles here is technically my most active, but I'm doing stuff behind the scenes for my lads Brom ( @of-forossa ), and Samuel Whist ( @fishermcn ) so I'll add them here too lmao.

RP PET PEEVES?

// Ah hell man, probably a lack of progression when it comes to replies? When I'm writing a thread with someone, I do what I can to make sure they have enough from my own to continue the story we're telling together. So getting a reply in return that doesn't move things forward puts me in kind of a bind y'know? Matching or similar length comes with that as well, though I don't expect folks to match me word for word so much as giving as good as they've gotten!

Communication is also key! I know that it can be uncomfortable or a bit daunting to try to chat with folks you haven't gotten to know all that well, but with threads being something we create together we really should be on the same page. Even just a little update or the like is preferable to total radio silence rofl.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?

// Shoot, it's probably been about twelve, maybe thirteen years now? Been on here the whole time and have bounced around to a few different fandoms before more or less settling down into the soulsborne community.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?

// I'm definitely an angst kinda guy, though usually in the sense that things are going down or conflict is brewing rather than interpersonal drama. I live for fight-writing and the tension that comes with lives being on the line. Fluff is usually reserved for one and done replies rather than threads because I feel it's more impactful thst way, while smut is... well. I'm getting better at it, but it's definitely my weakest writing of the bunch. That, and I admittedly can get a bit nervous posting it out here in the wild for everyone to see (////-\\\\)

PLOTS OR MEMES?

// Both! Plots and plotting are my preferred go-to for our muses to get to know each other and establish what their relationship will be like going ahead, while with memes I'll usually go ham on a single reply with the intent of further fleshing out what we've pieced together for our muses.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?

// If you've known me on my other blogs you already know I tend to get long winded XD. Short replies never feel like I've said enough honestly, and by taking the time to get in depth with them I reckon it opens the door wider for potential interactions (memes) or it gives the other person more room to reply with (threads). Least amount I'll do is around two to three paragraphs.

TIME TO WRITE?

// I'd love to tell you folks that I'm a responsible, orderly guy who keeps a good sleep schedule and has a set time for writing. Unfortunately I'm little more than an animal who's as likely to bump out an ask or reply at 4:00 in the morning as I am to post something mid-afternoon. Ideally though... I prefer the evenings for it. More privacy, more time to gather my thoughts and less demands for me personally to have to address.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?

// I'm a firm believer in the notion that muns typically have something either in common with or identify strongly with their muses in some form or another, and I'm no exception. Meddles might be a conqueror, cruel and malicious, but struggling against a seemingly impossible task and not wanting to be alone in this world... yeah. Yeah, I can relate to that. It helps me put myself in their shoes and understand them better if there's something about them I identify with.

tagged by: @ferinehuntress (much obliged panda :D)

tagging: @yellowfingcr, @hexenjagd, @bcwblade, @rotten-pest, @izar-tarazed, and you!

[fallingsunflower]

My Policeman Review

Okay I was initially going to wait until tomorrow to write this (or rather later in the day as it's currently about 2 am by me) but I needed to pen out my thoughts while they're fresh in my mind.

I did think the movie was beautifully done. It was aesthetically pleasing and visually appealing. I noticed quite a few touches that made it unique to Michael, such as the heavy use of mirrors and the background blurring into the foreground (and I know these aren't specially unique to him but I wouldn't say these are super common features in the films I've personally watched).

David Dawson, Emma Corrin, and Rupert Everett were the stars of the show, in my opinion. The whole cast is talented but I was especially drawn to these three. Really tugged my heart strings at times 😀

I cried. Like A LOT lmao full on sobbed at the end, I won't lie to you. I did while reading the book, too. It's just such a sad and unfair story. I can't even type this without getting emotional so perhaps we can talk about it after I get some sleep lmao

I wish some of the scenes were longer. I understand there's a lot to cover in a short amount of time, but some of the scenes felt rushed (i.e. Tom and Marion's first kiss scene). Sometimes I just wish there was more to it. I wonder if I felt so strongly about the movie because of how I felt while reading the book. Like if I only saw the movie I wonder how I'd feel.

Harry's acting...*sigh*. I tried so hard to like it, I promise. I really loved the book and I thought the movie was almost as good. But Harry's acting is just questionable. I found myself kind of frustrated at parts because of how forced it seemed. And I don't blame him. I don't think it's his fault. He's not super experienced and it's pretty different from his normal career. I just...wish he was better? Idk how to say this without people taking personal offense to it but that's my opinion.

Also, in case people ask, I'd say he was better in this than DWD but not by a lot. And that's not necessarily on the directors but it's solely on the fact that he's just not a strong actor, again in my opinion.

Lastly, I just want to add something about my personal thoughts on the story as a whole and not just the film.

I've said it a couple times but for those who don't know, I identify as queer (I say bisexual but my definition most closely resembles pansexual). I'm very fortunate to live in an age where queerness is more accepted. However, I think I felt so strongly about this story because as a queer person, I can relate a little bit. Obviously not to the same extreme, I understand that. But in my experience, it's still slightly terrifying.

I'm pretty open about my sexuality here and with my friends. And while although most of my family knows, it's not something I openly talk about with them. My mom's side is rather accepting, with the occasional homophobic comment from the more conservative members. And my dad's side doesn't speak to me anymore. It's mentally exhausting and unless you've been through it, it's really hard to explain what it feels like. My Policeman helps explain that feeling, at least a little bit.

I'm happy to talk about it more if you'd like.

And I just wanted to mention that ^^ so some of you can understand why I really love this book so much. It's a heartbreaking story but it's also a feeling that's hard to explain through words alone.

But yeah those are my general thoughts. I need to sleep now because my eyes are actually burning and swollen from crying LMAO but yeah we'll circle back ♥︎

[headedoutleft]

That clip by CJ the X about pretentiousness made me think of Men (2022), which I watched recently (mostly against my will lmao, but I try to watch things I don’t think I’ll like for the challenge, and I generally enjoy Alex Garland’s other work)

I initially haaaaated it because it felt like “man explains misogyny to you but make it arthouse”

But after finishing it, I engaged in multiple conversations that changed my mind, because what I realized was that I was filtering it through my experience of being invested in feminist theory and dialogue for almost two decades now, plus living as a woman and being perceived as a woman for the majority of my life, and so it felt like it was talking down to me and ungraciously turning a common lived experience into a horror movie. This is pretentious mansplaining, basically, was my first thought. It’s a pov many viewers obviously shared based on the average 2.8 rating on Letterboxd and many extremely unhappy reviews

The way I perceive it now is that it was really intended as a message to men by an artsy film guy to try to demonstrate through art the cycle of toxic masculinity that most hetero men are raised into. The emotional abuse felt real to me because I’ve experienced it, it felt insulting and uncomfortable to watch because I’ve been that victim. What I couldn’t see at first was the genuine condemnation that was happening in the story, the acknowledgement of harm done by men and perpetuated by men from a male perspective (if you’ve seen it then you know the visual metaphor of generation after generation of abusive men raising more abusive men is uh, extremely on the nose and pretty shocking so that one came through lmao), the despair and rage of the men who have lived and died without having true connection because they themselves actively prevented it from happening and were too self-centered to examine why. Too busy trying to control to realize love requires letting go of control. And it’s also a criticism of the institutions that have also perpetuated this cycle of abuse, the religious warping of the pagan traditions that originally provided social identity (that part was a bit clumsy, I think)

In short, that movie wasn’t made for me or people like me, It was made for dudes to go, oh damn, I’ve been that person. And this is what I did to my partner when I did that. What I thought I wanted was love, but what I created was pain. And I should probably acknowledge that and stop that shit

I don’t think it was made in bad faith or as a cash grab for “woke” art bros, as some reviews I’ve seen have claimed. Alex is extremely good at developing complex characters, and I have related strongly to his female protagonists in his other work, so I find it hard to believe he’s not genuinely trying to engage in the dialogue through his art

I still didn’t particularly enjoy the experience and I have some critiques regarding the pacing and storytelling choices that were made, but willingly engaging in a dialogue about it instead of shutting that down gave me a broader and more charitable perspective towards the movie than my initial reaction of, cool thanks for telling me men are bad in the most pretentious way possible, Alex, appreciate that lmao

[bestial4ngel]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

Maybe all the right wing mfers just have me on edge, but not gonna lie I can’t tell if this is a genuine question, or some kind of bait/disingenuous question…?

Taking this in good faith though, to start, I’d have to say I have no clue what the magic trait is/what causes people to be homosexual, and I’m not sure that it can be known, or if it’s even worth knowing. That said, the word “performance” has a connotation of minimizing the legitimacy of that experience imo, so I wouldn’t consider it that personally. I also wouldn’t consider the root of it to be identity, but I strongly hesitate to believe the idea of something like genetics being the cause as well? On top of that, I’m not sure if it’s possible for any one thing to explain or categorize it, especially considering the way sexuality has been known to fluctuate for some, and for scenarios like being attracted to a specific individual despite it defying ones orientation to happen to some.

Also I kinda fail to see why being attracted more/less to masculinity/femininity would be sexist? Open to correction on it I guess, but I don’t see any harm in preferences related to that.

I can understand why “I can’t explain” could be considered a non-answer, but for me, I kind of think that’s an answer in itself (some things are impossible to put to words?), and I’m not sure it’s necessary to go deeper than that. The origin/cause of homosexuality has been a mystery for a long time in western science, and I think that in the end, while curiosity/interest in the question/subject is fair, and harmless— the reason or cause for it is somewhat irrelevant considering it is a lived experience that people go through whether it originates from living in a society (🤡), or some kind of biological/innate thing. In fairness I know a lot of things are just about “knowledge for the sake of knowledge,” but I just don’t think knowing why it exists/what the magic trait is would change much of anything lmao

[icharchivist]

I personally HC Beelzebub as being trans, just because he's this big macho muscly guy. It's not what you'd expect. Also, because Shalem is a woman, so it was my first deduction when I saw the four of them.

But he and Lucilius can both be trans, I'm not excluding anyone. The symbolism fits them both and either way, it's just for fun

yeah i actually agree on that.

I mean i'm honestly kinda in the room of "you don't actually need any justification to HC a character as trans", the trans experience is one that is extremely diverse all across the board and can come in different shapes in term of how they present their genders. So i don't want to come out as how "since they have THOSE traits then i believe they're trans" because the presence or absence of those traits have very little to do with whenever this validates or not their possible transness.

As it is though regarding Beelzebubs in particular i think the reading is strongly there out of how he's Shalem's clone, and Shalem is a woman, but Bubs is a man, and yet we know from watching the Lucifaces that clones are probably expected to be fully alike from one another, so this difference, especially on the gender level, is probably its own give away, because if Bubs and Shalem being that different didn't matter that much, they wouldn't put them in contrast with completely perfect clones of one another.

if i was really going strongly on text analysis, i'd say there would be text supporting Bubs being trans, but only subtext for Lucilius as the reasons he might be work mostly on a metaphorical and thematical aspect rather than a pure text one like Bubs does. But ultimately i don't think this "text analysis" matter as much as it would matter for anyone who would see their own experience reflected by the way they approach this feeling itself.

Going further, i think that Bubs embracing fully who he is as an individual while Lucilius is still tormented by the image of Sahar on him, can also work a trans metaphorical level of Bubs having embraced his transition and therefore found his own self outside of the expectation that was put on him, while Lucilius is almost set to be still "in the closet", struggling with the image/gender/appearance that has been forced on him.

I don't actually think Granblue was really meaning to do that (or at least not with Lucilius, Bubs is up in the air), if only because they've been much more forward about any trans characters we've had before that, but the interpretation is really possible there if only on a metaphorical level, which can be enough for people who might feel the same way to relate and to project their experience on it if it brings them joy.

But yeah like i said i don't actually think you need this strong of a reasoning to HC anyone as trans lmao, but i'm just showing the angle in which you can explore those themes in depth

and yeah, not especially while going "OBVIOUSLY granblue meant that" but in a, just for fun way. It's nice to think about at least.

[fockinastro]

astro observations pt. 7

a/n: if u believe i took your comment/observation without credit, please reach out and let me know! i have no problem including you in my post (or taking it down if u ask :))

again, opinion based & based on what i see around me so take with a grain of salt

i’ve noticed that taurus placements tend to be spiritual

this is more personal than general but most astrologers associate pluto/scorpio in the 6th to be obsessive about work and health but that’s never been the case for me

i think this placement can also manifest as having a lot of control over your health

i’ve noticed that mercury retrograde individuals may have a tendency to stutter, ramble or even circle around what they’re trying to say--it can be redundant since it’s not  straight to the point and can be a little confusing to understand

mars in the 1st seem to have a natural tendency to react with anger or irritability; they can get angry easily and quickly

i think it’s underestimated how well scorpio and geminis can get along--it probably stems from the fact that they both can manifest as extremes or polarities and both can teach each other a lot of things

taurus (or any feminine sign) liliths can be anti-women which is interesting since they are feminine signs and being in lilith can create difficult relationships with other women

there’s a chance that these individuals crave male validation or they can manifest as “pick mes”

this can be said for gemini placements but gemini moons are very inconsistent in my personal experience--they are constantly changing anything and everything (it’s probs because they get bored easily and need the stimulation) but it’s like their inconsistency is the only thing that's consistent lmao

a debilitated or conflicted sun can make someone, for a lack of better words, have no personality

i think this can stem from the fact that they have nothing solid or stable enough to implement into themselves, therefore leading to a lack of sense of self

i feel like water houses (4, 8 & 12) can be tricky to work with, specifically in synastry. since these houses are emotionally geared and are a little more intense than other houses, partnerships can be difficult to deal with, especially if the individuals do not have these house influences in their natal charts

for example, a couple where each individual has a heavy water house influence can find this to be comforting and are likely to be used to this energy while a different couple where both individuals have no water houses influences, it can be uncomfortable or even too intense for the both of them

many say aries moon individuals are naturally unable to handle their emotions--while this may be the case for underdeveloped; i find that developed aries moons are very relaxed and chill (dare i say nonchalant) individuals and do not seem to have rash or “violent” emotions

an astrologer said that those with lots of capricorn/saturn influence tend to look like their fathers & honestly my best friend looks so much like her dad

same concept can apply for cancer/moon influences looking like their mother

having virgo & scorpio placements, especially in mercury and mars can highly dislike incompetence

slight TW: i've noticed that leo placements carry a lot of external insecurities and may try to fix those by becoming obsessed about how their bodies look

eg. body dysmorphia, working out a lot, etc.

this is not a direct indicator of having body dysmorphia, etc.

scorpio placements tend to have a thing with textures when eating--there can be some sort of texture sensitivity

capricorn/lilith in 8th can be really into power play

cancer placements love to be babied lowkey; they take care of others as a means of showing what/how they want someone to take care of them

i think that whatever dominant aspect you have in your chart, you’re more likely to feel/relate to those aspects

eg. square dominant might relate more to their square aspects and see it more in their personalities; trine dominants might relate more to their trine aspects and see it more in their personalities, etc

degrees of the aspect does make a difference whether it’s a tight aspect or wide

saturn in 12th is giving very alone in this lifetime vibes

i feel like virgo can have some link to your genitals 

especially if you read my previous note about how virgo and scorpio were once linked

aspects, especially tight ones, to your ascendant and/or midheaven will definitely be seen when you’re around people

virgo, scorpio, sag, mars-mercury (maybe even mars-ascendant) have an abrasive way of speaking and it can come out really aggressive or the wrong way

scorpio risings can fall victim to being trauma dumped on

a fun little theory (or maybe it’s common sense): whatever your top 3 dominant planets are, in terms of synastry, you may find it difficult if your friend/partner/person has personal planets negatively aspecting one of your dominant planets (it also depends on what aspects you have fatally)

for example: someone with a dominant mercury may find it frustrating to be around someone whose personal planets squares their mercury because it can create misunderstandings 

it might manifest even more strongly if it’s mercury square mercury for example because they may feel unheard/unfulfilled, especially for the mercury dominant person

it might be felt heavily for the dominant planet person because it carries a heavy influence over that person

scorpio & pisces placements tend to really be interested in fantasy; this can mean themes, movies, books, etc. 

having your planets in somone’s 8th house, you’ll feel more intensely (in terms of that planet’s themes) and there’s a chance they may not feel it to the same extent as you

8th house overlays really make you spill your secrets to that person, especially if you have a bond with them (platonic or romantic)

sometimes it can manifest even if you have no relation to a person--it depends on how much 8th house influence there is

hoped y’all liked this :)

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

do you happen to have a list of masculine-aligned identities?

Yeah, I do :D 

This is going to be quite a short list since there are like, dozens of identities lmao, but if you want to read more, here’s the link to the LGBTA wiki page for all masc identities, which is the longest list I could find! This obviously isn’t complete either, but it’s a pretty good list!

LGBTA Wiki: Masculine Gender Identities

Here are some of the ones I know of and their definitions—click the word to be directed to the LGBTA wiki page where you can read more about the identity!

Masculenby is a term for any sort of non-binary/male gender identity. It includes things such as demiboy, enboy, genderfaun, non-binary/boy bigender, and anything else. It's an overarching term for anyone in those groups, especially if one swaps between them often, uses multiple labels, or is unsure of the specifics of their identity but know they're some form of non-binary and boy.

Enboy is a term for someone who is a non-binary man. It can be used by anyone who identifies as both a man and as non-binary. It can include: multi gender people with a non-binary gender and man, gendervast people, people who are genderfluid or genderflux between non-binary and male, a male-aligned non-binary person (solarian), a neumale (neutrois male), etc.

Genderqueer male is a combination identity in which one identifies as both genderqueer and male. As a second definition, it can also be a specific identity defined as having a masculine body or base while still being genderqueer.

Genderfaun is genderfluidity that never encompasses feeling feminine. This is different from the binary gender male because its fluidity may include genders other than male and female, for example, nonbinary genders. So basically, genderfaun people are fluid between male, masculine and unaligned or nonbinary genders.

Genderfaunet is gender fluidity between male, masculine, nonbinary and feminine genders, but never 100% female. Fluid between all genders except fully female.

Boyflux is a gender identity in which a person can experience varying degrees of maleness. For example, one could feel 0% (agender), 50% (demiboy), 100% (man). The intensity can fluctuate over any period of time.

Boyflux is a form of genderfluidity and a subset of genderflux which is a term used to describe any person’s gender idenity fluctuating. Boyflux is a specific gender identity off of genderflux.

Libramasculine or libraboy is a gender in which one is mostly agender but experiences a small amount of attachment to being masculine/male. It's similar to demiboy, but is more specifically partially masculine and partially agender, with the agender part outweighing the masculine part, while demiboy is partially male, partially any other gender(s). 

Demiboy is a non-binary gender in which one is partially, but not fully, a boy or man. They may or may not identify as another gender in addition to being partially a boy. The other part of one's gender can be any gender or combination of genders, including a lack of gender.

Paraboy, also known as paramasculine or paraguy, is the male subset of paragender. Paramasculine people identify mostly as a boy/man, but not entirely. The male portion takes up 51-99% of their gender. The other 1-49% can be any gender or combination of genders, but the most commonly reported is agender. Paraboy is similar to demiboy, but it is more specific as with paraboy the boy part outweighs any other gender(s).

Boygender is a gender for those who identify with the term "boy", but reject manhood and/or feel disconnect from the term "man".

Boy+ is when one identifies completely as a boy, plus additional genders. One doesn't feel partially boy, one isn’t fluid - one is entirely a boy, plus more. One may not know specifically what the additional gender/genders are, so boy+ may be the best way to describe it. Or, one may have a lot of genders, but they all feel like they are simply additional while one's main gender is boy/man/guy/male, etc.

Boyish is an umbrella term for any sort of male-aligned, man-aligned, boy-aligned, or masculine-aligned gender. Boyish can also be an identity on its own for one who feels like they are sort of a boy, not quite a boy, not fully a boy, almost a boy, a little bit of a boy, or any other sort of variation of that could be described as boyish. 

Mascgender, also known as mascugender or manugender, is a non-binary gender that is masculine in nature. 

Mingender is an umbrella term for all genders which are masculine in nature. It can be used as an umbrella termfor any genders that are primarily related to masculinity. Mingenders may or may not also be related to manhood.

Proxvir is a gender that is strongly connected to masculinity, but in a different way to how men are connected to masculinity. Proxvir is something separate and entirely on it’s own. It may be described as a gender that is masculine aligned or mingender, but is not man aligned or miaspec, and has no connection to manhood.

That’s all the terms I know!! I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck on your gender journey! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night :D

[meichenxi]

Hello dear, I hope you soon feel better 💕

38, 69, 77 please

Thank you Karo <3 you are always so kind.

38. Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago?

Wow!! Five years ago I hadn't started university, so the whole thing of having a long-term girlfriend definitely wasn't on the cards (I didn't even know I liked girls!). I've also done more and gone more places than I dared to hope - but like most of our favourite characters I was both wildly insecure and wildly overconfident at the same time, so I did always imagine great things ahead :P

BUT I was also incredibly unhappy at 18. I don't know - I kind of thought I'd simultaneously be a published author by 20 and also probably not be here at all. One or the other! So whilst the whole pandemic thing / staying in your room for two years definitely wasn't foreseeable, I think I would be surprised with how mentally well I am most of the time (or at least much, much better than I was then). I was still suffering from incredibly disordered eating / body image problems and crippling anxiety and depression. So the fact that I'm still here, still going, in love with a different language, still fighting, back on Tumblr and also still writing - 18 year old Melissa would be surprised and very proud! At 18 (get out the tiny violins) I had also never had a friend, and couldn't imagine finding people like me. God that sounds so sad!!! But now I have lots, in real life and online! And that's wonderful! And you're all wonderful! And I'm grateful every day!!!

The whole 'trying to go to Korea' thing would also not be surprising XD at this point five years ago I had just arrived in China for the first time and was always planning on teaching EFL abroad. So I think baby Melissa would be very interested to know the direction her life ended up taking, and how much this language would mean to her five years on.

Here's my time to say this to anyone who's reading: things get better. They can. Recovery isn't linear (I am Very Sad as I write this lmao; it's been a day) but it is possible. Your teenage years are not the high point of your life. Actually, for most people, they are one of the shittiest parts!!

69. Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else?

I think so!! There are people that I have liked or have wanted to kiss without minimising what I feel for my current partner. (I haven't - that's not the sort of relationship I'm in, and I would never betray her trust.) These are people that I have wanted to kiss out of curiosity and because I think it would be fun - for me that feels extremely different to anything romantic/sexual in a longstanding committed relationship, and wouldn't affect what I felt towards my partner. I think the two can definitely coexist. I would be very happy experimenting with a polyamorous relationship in theory, but in practice, I know my partner values monogamy very highly, and I value HER very highly!! So I am happy as I am :)

77. Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy?

As someone with at times a somewhat sadistic/masochistic sense of humour at times, I'm inclined to say yes. Maybe it's the #trauma, but I find a lot of things funny - particularly if they are terrible things that are happening to me! HOWEVER. None of my irl friends would probably guess that that goes anywhere beyond standard schadenfreude, because I am aware of where it comes from as a coping mechanism, I'm aware that it's unhealthy, and because I keep a very tight hold on things like that. It doesn't matter how I feel about it. It's incredibly inappropriate for the people going through those things to make jokes or comments about it and treat their suffering lightly. So I don't.

Related, but since I'm talking why not keep talking: some of you who follow me on my personal/fandom blog may already know this, but I strongly believe in the relative importance of morality that we centre around actions rather than feelings. I'm neurodivergent. Yes, ADHD, but also in other ways that I'm not going to discuss because they'd probably get me bullied off the blog lmao - tumblr isn't quite as accepting as it likes to believe. Anyway. If I always measured how I thought and how I felt against other people, I'd always come away lacking. Or one would be measured in centilitres and the other in ells of rope, and the comparison wouldn't make sense at all. So it's enough to say that - for me - the choices that people make are always going to be more telling of their moral character than any thoughts or feelings which are ultimately things they can't control. So yes, I find comedy in tragedy. And no, I don't laugh.

(A more low-brow answer: have you seen Total Wipe-out? Now there's a television program that is 100% comedy. No tragedy except maybe Richard Hammond's hair.)

Thanks Karo!! Much to think about here :D

[honeytea8]

Miss Shay !!!! Mr. Bruno is making me feel all kinds of flustered atm !! I humbly request your hcs for a confession/first date with our lovely capo!🥰❤️❤️😳🤲

No worries, my dearest Juno. I’ve got it covered 💗 (kinda had to stop myself from getting too carried away with this one lmao)

Bruno Bucciarati is known to be rather sharp on his feet when it comes to things related to his job, but his feelings for you completely blindside him with how deep they are.

The process is a slow one; it takes a series of measured steps to get there and he doesn’t realize it until the night you cook dinner for the gang, a nice homemade meal of squid pasta.

There really is no way for you to know it’s his favorite, because he hasn't told you a thing about it. It’s possible you may have heard it from the others, but they look just as surprised as him.

Bruno realizes you’re just that observant.

It’s the gangster’s first meal in a while that hasn't been ordered right off Libeccio’s menu.

The excitement is palpable. All it takes is good food and a little limoncello to put everyone in high spirits. And Bucciarati can’t seem to take his eyes off you.

You catch his stare a number of times throughout the night, and if you’re concerned, you don’t say anything right in that moment, for which he is grateful.

It’s then that he realizes, as you laugh along at Mista’s joke while offering Narancia another serving that he is truly, undoubtedly, and hopelessly in love with you.

The following days don't get any better and by week two, Bruno is strongly considering how best to confront his feelings for you. He had naively assumed that with time they would wane, but acknowledging their existence only made them wax stronger.

He isn't sure about the way you feel towards him. You are kind and friendly, but you’re like that with everyone.

There is also the question of his occupation. His line of work comes with several risks and although you have your own personal connections with Passione, he would rather not put you in any danger.

Another week passes as he stews in discontentment and uncertainty, so much so that the others, namely Fugo and Abbacchio are even taking notice; if their subtle glances to one another whenever you walk in the room are anything to go by.

What surprises him most is that neither comment on it. (But how can they? When they have such little experiences themselves to go off of)

It’s Mista who inevitably broaches the topic with a crooked smile and a heavy arm tossed over Bruno’s shoulder. “Just get a nice gift and ask ‘em out, it’s easy.” He shouldn’t have been surprised. Guido could be rather shameless at times.

Mista is sort of right, but it’s easier said than done. For all his decisiveness, it takes him another week just to find something suitable for you.

Everytime he caught sight of your smile, his heart thumped louder in his chest. Was there anything that could convey that?

Late one day, Bruno approaches you with flowers: blue salvia because he’s always thinking of you, hibiscus to represent your delicate beauty, and white jasmine because he’s come to find that your love is a sweet one.

“I saw these and thought of you,” he licks his lips, ducking his head a bit at your blank stare. “And I was wondering if...you would indulge me in an evening out. Dinner, and perhaps a stroll around the city?”

He doesn’t expect for you to agree so quickly, in fact he thinks he misheard you, until you say yes again, scooping the flowers out of his hand and reminding him to pick you up at 7.

When the day comes, Bucciarati swings by your place. He is stunned at how beautiful you look. He offers you an open hand, which you take, allowing him to lead you down the cobblestone streets of Naples, to a family owned restaurant.

Bruno notes, with a pleased smile, the surprise on your face upon realizing that he’s booked the entire place for just the two of you.

You spend an evening in his wonderful company, among good conversation, delicious food, and the sweetest wine. And afterwards you don’t even hesitate to take his hand in yours again while you wander in the direction of the nearest park.

Bruno’s been quiet since you left the restaurant and you wonder if he’s okay. It isn’t until you find yourselves under a large awning that you note a bullet of sweat on his temple.

When you ask if anything’s the matter, you are met with the most tender of looks in his eyes. It’s more than enough to make your face heat up and you feel the burn right in your cheeks.

“Amore, I don’t think I can hold back any longer.” He says, and before you can question him, Bruno leans in and presses a kiss to the curve of your cheek bone.

In that moment, you’re caught by the scent of his cologne, and the feel of his soft hair brushing against your face.

“I’m in love with you,” he murmurs softly. Taking your hand and placing it on his chest, he says, “Allow me to show you just how much.”

[roublardise]

my "Crowley isn't attracted to women" take

for @spnprideweek - day 2 - mlm

cw: dicussion of homophobia & transphobia all in all I wanted to highlight how canon gay Crowley is bc I love him 💕 thank u spn for Crowley even tho he deserved better

in the last weeks I've realized there's a huuge consensus in the fandom for pansexual Crowley. if you're pan or not and wanna hc Crowley as pan, power to you! but what's bothering me is the non-discussion of it all. the way it seems obvious for everyone. whereas, to me, Crowley has been canonically gay all this time.....

disclaimer: I'm aware Mark Sheppard alledgely said he saw Crowley as pansexual, however I can't even take these words for canon without context. Especially not when a year later he'd say Crowley's sexuality didn't matter. The way Mark Sheppard talks about characters' sexuality is more a "why are people making a big deal let them be" than "the character doesn't care." Moreover, actors pov can't be taken as canon imo. Jensen Ackles thought Dean straight for so long when Dean's been bi all this time as well. Sometimes actors are biased by their own experiences & stereotypes!

disclaimer #2: on god I don't wanna start discourse lmao. I just wanna share my silly thoughts about a tv show & question the way Crowley's sexuality is written in this silly homophobic tv show. don't @ me about what's making you think Crowley is indisputably pansexual bc I assure you I already know your points

That being said, here's why I think Crowley is a bear, a gay man, a trans gay man actually, a homosexual, who isn't attracted to women & some food for thoughts about why the unquestioned consensus towards pan Crowley could have roots in both homophobia & panphobia.

I don't think we can think of Crowley as your usual demon. We know too much about Crowley's life as a human, and the numerous ways in which he acts un-demony, almost humanly after. Considering him simply like a demon with no concept of gender preference who would be pan “by default” wouldn’t be right with his character. But we also can't question his sexuality in the exact same way we would a human's.

It also can't be thought in the same way as angels': as once-humans demons do have a concept of gender. Crowley especially cares a lot about his gender presentation and the way he's addressed. Not only does he literally sell his soul for a bigger d*ck as a human ; as a demon he uses the same vessel where other demons are shown to move once they had to leave one ; and for the few hours Crowley's possessing a woman, he clearly states he should still be referred to as king.

This will all be used for homophobic & transphobic jokes in the show, but I'll get back to that later on. Gender does matter to Crowley's identity, and I think it could be extended to his sexuality.

I've seen numerous descriptions of it all saying Crowley's sexuality was "ambiguous" and I guess it is, as he never explicitly used any label. However "ambiguous" doesn't mean bi or pan. It doesn't mean anything besides the fact we can't draw a clear-cut conclusion of his sexuality.

Imo we can actually draw a clear-cut conclusion of Crowley's sexuality but yeh, I'm getting there.

----------------

Let's take a look at canon events around Crowley & sexuality!

His character introduction is him enjoying making a homophobe man kiss him for a deal

It is rumoured that he was a demon's lover (Lilith's)

He heavily flirts with Bobby

He french kisses Bobby for a deal and takes a pic

He never kisses a woman on screen (tell me if I forgot anyone!)

He flirts with every single man he sees, and even more strongly when it's making the other uncomfortable

The other parent of Crowley's son is never mentioned nor even brought up

He has two orgies that we know of

He has sex with a demon who's possessing a woman (Lola) when he was addicted to human blood

He dates, has sex with, and asks Dean to rule Hell with him. He's in love with Dean

On late spn he drinks fruity drinks

He flirts with and implies he had sex with an angel (Naomi)

He flirts with Death (Billie)

He's into BDSM

I'm not gonna go into details with all the sexual stuff he says bc there's a lot.... But it's always about gay sex. (once again, if I'm forgetting smth pls tell me nicely)

Now, with all that I'd like to question specifically the elements people use to say Crowley is canonically attracted to women.

He has two orgies that we know of

There’s the one Crowley has while he’s himself possessing a woman ; iirc it’s a foursome with two other men and one woman. Crowley still counts as a King, as the show makes sure we know, admitedly this dialogue implies we should still think of him as a not-very-manly-man.

Honestly, if one is convinced Crowley is attracted to women based on this scene.. okay. Personally I don’t see it because the orgy is unplanned, it’s an opportunity Crowley takes. Is he even attracted to the two other men?? Who knows. We don’t even know if Crowley even touches the other woman, there’re so many ways to have group sex. Even if he did, having sex with one woman doesn’t make it impossible for him to be homosexual.

The second orgy is with Dean. Crowley describes it then: “We've done extraordinary things to triplets.” It’s interesting how before I went to check, I thought it was clear the triplets were women. But not at all! I’ve been tricked by heteronormativity myself. So this is up to interpretation. Even though the way the show doesn’t make sure we know the triplets were women is pretty telling (as I’ll talk about later).

It is rumoured that he was Lilith's lover

Well, this is a rumour. In this relationship Crowley would know Lilith as a demon possessing a woman, and Lilith would know Crowley as a demon possessing a man as well. Who's even to say they met in their vessels to sleep together. That's the kind of cases in which the ambiguity of Crowley human/demon situation makes it impossible to draw any kind of conclusion towards Crowley's attraction to women. Also if anything Lilith is clearly a lesbian lmao.

He has sex with Lola when he was addicted to human blood

Same thing here, the relationship is one of demon/demon. Though we do now they do meet in their vessels to sleep together. Besides that, the sex happens while Crowley is at a low point. She's the one bringing him human blood, which makes the sex more of a transaction than anything. It does fit a very grey area of consent which would be fair to question.

We can't know for sure whether the demon possessing the woman was a woman as well, but let's say she was: 1/ Crowley having sex once or twice with a woman doesn't prevent him from being homosexual. 2/ What is he seeing if not a demon's true form? 3/ Wasn't he in a self-destructive mental state?

It's a stretch, imo, to assume Crowley was attracted to her.

He flirts with and had sex with Naomi / flirts with Billie

This one is so ridiculous to me bc Naomi is an angel and as a demon, Crowley sees her true form. We don't even know who was her vessel when they had sex.

The flirt thing is interesting however, bc iirc Naomi and Billie are the only "women" we see Crowley actually flirt with. During the orgies or the demon sex there's no flirt involved. It's interesting bc, as Cas would say: "Naomi's vessel is a woman. Naomi is an angel."

Same case for Billie who's a reaper then Death. Spn is pretty unclear about how the whole thing works but we know reapers are kind of angels. In any case, I won't go as far as saying Billie has any connection to gender.

Moreover, the way Crowley flirts with them is pretty light next to everything else Crowley says to men. It's pretty personal, I'm aware, but I do relate a lot with the way Crowley flirts with them VS how I flirt with men just because (and I'm a lesbian).

Anyway! Both Naomi and Billie are supernatural creatures, which brings the count of women Crowley flirts with to... zero.

-> What I take from all that is that Crowley is attracted to men for sure ; to angels and demons ; and doesn't care about the genitalia involved in the sex he has. We have nothing about the kind of relationships he had as a human. His gender presentation matters a lot to him. The only long-term commitment he has is with Dean. I wouldn't even say he had a committed relationship with Gavin's other parent bc we don't know anything about them.

----------------

But what's my deal with homosexual Crowley? One can wonder, if Crowley doesn't care about bodies, doesn't that mean he can still be written as pan?

No! First because sexual attraction isn't about genitalia (even if transphobes would argue the contrary but they're transphobic so...). And second, well....

I would refer to this point as "how do I know Crowley isn't attracted to women? bc Dean is"

I'm convinced that if the show wanted to write Crowley as anything other than a gay man, it would have been way more obvious.

This is a show who wrote Dean catcalling a faceless woman on the street, for no other reason than to remind the viewers Dean was attracted to women & to balance it with the following homoerotic scene.

One could say spn doesn't have lots of women characters to begin with, but that's my point exactly: when spn wants to show attraction towards women, they do find women for people to be attracted to. Hell, they even give Gavin some girlfriend but never ever bring up the topic of Gavin's other parent. Even though an entire episode is dedicated to learning about Crowley's past.

What's important to understand Crowley's sexuality isn't the people he slept with ; it's the people he doesn't show interest in.

The absence of something is the presence of the thing, blablabla. It's a way to look at homosexuality that heteronormativity makes hard to see because, unconciously, we don't tend to question attraction towards the expected gender. One would ask for a 10 pages essay on why a character is gay, but one would need only a 2 sec kiss to assure a character's heterosexuality or attraction towards the expected gender.

----------------

In Crowley's case, his attraction to men is a huge part of his character right from the beginning (thanks god, at least no one's questioning that). Spn as a show that hears what the fans are saying and twists writing accordingly, is perfectly aware of that. Yet rather than pushing women at him along the course of the show to remind everyone how Not Gay Crowley is - the opposite happens.

Yeh, Lola, Naomi, Billie, they all happen in the later seasons. But even then, the show somehow can't write Crowley as attracted to a human woman.

What happens then is: not only does Crowley fall for Dean ; he engages in some BDSM play with Lucifer : and he switches from drinking only the finest Scotch to fruity cocktails.

The BDSM thing as well as the drink thing are choices rooted in stereotypes, that's how spn is! But it does canonize Crowley's homosexuality. They're depriving him of his "masculinity" as the show goes on, because they purposely write him as homosexual. I don't think spn would have ever written a bi or pan character that way.

We learned a few days ago that Crowley died in a gutter. He died in a gutter for a bigger d*ck. I'm just gonna refer to Oscar Wilde & Mika on this : "some of us in the gutter are looking up at the stars."

The "referred to as king" scene isn't about Crowley being a demon and so not caring about gender - it's the opposite. Other demons are the ones poiting out Crowley's vessel. This is a transphobic joke. It's the demon edition of the "gay boy in a dress" transmisogynistic trope.

Viewers aren't supposed to be on Crowley's side ; we're supposed to be giggling with the other demons while Crowley is being emasculated. Crowley gets a woman vessel because he's a not-very-manly-man, because he's a trans man, because he's homosexual.

And I know that bc Dean is written as bi, and all they're doing is reaffirming the way he does like women while being extra subtle with his love for men.

Meanwhile Crowley is losing influence and power, loses his authority as he loses his throne in Hell, gets humiliated by Lucifer, until all his character revolves around is his love for Dean. The way Crowley is then protrayed as some lovesick ex who can't move on is, imo, a straight man fantasy. Crowley's love is both used as predatory and as a tool to validate Dean's Peak Masculinity.

Spn has been burying their gays all along, and Crowley was right there being punished for not only being in love with Dean but for not being attracted to women. For never being able to be a "normal" guy. For never being able to be seen as a "normal" guy. For checking every homophobic stereotypes in the books. Crowley as a human dies because he's a trans man. Crowley as a demon dies because he's homosexual.

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That's what leads me to be uncomfortable with the way the fandom seems to have a consensus towards pansexual Crowley. (Once again: idc about people's personal hc of Crowley as pan, I just want to think critically about the way no one thinks twice about it & accepts it as canon so easily. Hell, just bc I dared to ask what started the pan Crowley confirmation I got accused of erasing his pansexuality. All I did was ask a question.)

To me, it feels like erasing everything his character went through because he was gay. And it seems to be taken from a reasoning which is going to assume Crowley is attracted to women.

I mean: the reasoning would go "oh, Crowley clearly has a non-straight sexuality -> he's attracted to men -> he's pan" His attraction to women being accepted by default, without needing any backup. And when I look at the canon I see nothing implying he'd be attracted to women. Taking Crowley's attraction to women for granted is following an heteronormative thinking.

Being into people isn't all about who one sleeps with. It's about love. And when we look at what spn shows about Crowley's close relationships, the only meaningful one he got is with Dean. When Rowena wants payback for Crowley making her kill Oskar, she goes for his son.

And it's SO interesting to me because if angels can't be in love because they don't have a soul - can demons? as they're beings with a destroyed soul? And if so, how powerful of Crowley to still fall in love with Dean Winchester.... the power of gay love :) (Crowley 🤝 Cas)

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To conclude all this with some more stuff to think about if, like me, you love questioning everything:

While it's not wrong per se to hc Crowley as pan, it can be worth questioning what's making us so sure we collectively just vibe with it? To me there's a few things: - As I was saying: heteronormative bias - Crowley being a non-fully-human character - Crowley being masculine (despite the show's attempts to erase that) - Crowley being into BDSM - Crowley flirting and making sexual remarks in every context

These, unconsciously, gives a vibe of a character who's "outside" of the gender norm, not making big deal of their sexuality, not even questioning it. This creates this idea of "ambiguity" around Crowley's sexuality. The way Crowley particularly seems to be really chill about sex, is a demon (so what does he know about gender?), and heavily flirty, ... is what most people will link to pansexuality. That doesn't mean thinking of Crowley as pan is being problematic™ ; this means in western medias that's what fills the "pansexual character" imagery (like basically: the Jack Harkness type).

However, when we look at it like that, none of these elements are defining of pansexuality. None of them are excluding him from homosexuality. If not stereotypes.

That's where it gets personal ; but it does make me feel like the huge consensus towards a pansexual Crowley (when there is no clear-cut evidence of it) is erasing the complexity of homosexual experiences. As I said at the begining: I'm happy if pansexual people can relate to Crowley ; everone's free to headcanon. But saying Crowley is canonically pansexual is a stretch - and a take rooted in homophobic stereotypes.

Imo Crowley may have been created with all these traits pushing towards a pan reading of his character. However, as the show went, he was clearly written as a homosexual man. The changes in his portrayal took a turn to be specifically homophobic. He gets imagery that only strictly homosexual characters got (such as drinking fruity cocktails like Aaron. Meanwhile Dean, on the same scene, is allowed beer & whiskey.)

We're used to taking spn's homophobic rep and jokes to make it our own. Yet it seems, when it comes to Crowley, the fandom doesn't see it.

Sometimes people aren't attracted to the gender heteronormativity expects them to be attracted to.......... sometimes people are gay and it's not an umbrella term.

[purplesurveys]

1476

This, That or The Other

Ponytail, Bun or French Braid? It’s a bitch to perfect, but I think it looks the neatest.

Pop, Rap or R&B? I like the chill vibes.

Sprite, 7Up or Water? Mainly because I don’t drink soda.

Pizza, Nachos or Cheeseburgers? I used to be a burger person but idk, along the way my preference for pizza took over since it’s the easiest to eat and what I also find to be the most versatile.

Yoga, Dance or Lifting Weights? I don’t work out but in the rare times that I have to do it, I’ve gotten the most relief and sense of accomplishment from lifting weights. Yoga I’ve dabbled in but I was quick to discover that I wasn’t going to be interested in it; and my body has just never cooperated when it comes to dancing.

Coleslaw, Cooked Cabbage or Potato Salad? I like the mayonnaise that goes with coleslaw.

Jeep, Mini Cooper or Truck? My dream car is a Mini.

Spring, Winter or Fall? I’ve always had a fascination with winter and snow. I guess it’s mainly because I have yet to see snow and experience super cold weather.

Fourth of July, Halloween or Valentines Day? I honestly do not care much for any of these but my interest in horror leads me to pick Halloween.

Playstation, Xbox or Nintendo Switch? Always been a Playstation household. I like Nintendo too and we do have a Switch, but I think overall I’ll always have a personal connection with the Playstation series.

Vampires, Werewolves or Zombies? Twilight’s fault, lmao.

Horror, Comedy or Romance? Romcom is my favorite genre but I don’t like watching movies that are either solely comedy or solely romance.

Reading, Doodling or Board Games? I haven’t read a novel in a while, but I don’t think my love for reading in general will ever fade out. It’s the reason I started writing and have been building my career around it, after all.

Mayonnaise, Honey Mustard or Relish? It’s my favorite condiment.

Word Association

Meal: Bento boxes.

Whale: Kore and the song Whalien 52.

Pen: Penmanship.

Jump: Nuga nareul magado naui gal gireul gandago? Hahahaha.

Minus: Math.

Example: Leadership.

Drawing: Doodles.

Send: The song Message In A Bottle by The Police.

Who: The Who.

Apple: Steve Jobs.

Swim: A pool.

Kind: Friends.

Four: Beyoncé.

Married: My parents.

True or False/Yes or No Section (Random)

You know how to load a gun False. And I don’t really have an interest in learning how to.

You are older than 25 years old Not quite; I turned 24 this year.

You hate the color yellow I used to strongly dislike it there are certain shades that have grown on me, like mustard yellow. I still don’t like super bright shades of yellow though.

Your favorite season is summer Not really. My favorite season, at least in the ideal sense, is winter. 

You have had a body part pierced before Yeah my parents had my ears pierced as a baby. I’ve never gotten a piercing of my will, though. 

You know how to play the piano I’ve never learned and the few melodies I know how to play is purely out of memorization as I’ve always regretted the fact that I never took lessons.

You have a pet cat or cat(s) We had Arlee before, but she passed away in 2020 and she also wasn’t technically mine but my sister’s.

You have seen someone pass away in person No. I dread the day I’ll have to face this.

You have worked as a cashier before The only internships/jobs I’ve had were already related to my desired field, which is public relations and a little bit of marketing.

You have never been on an airplane My first plane ride was when I was 11 and have been on a handful of trips since then.

You know how to surf I don’t. I’m afraid of falling into the water hahaha so I’ve never tried.

You can't whistle I can.

You can tie a knot in a cherry stem with just your tongue I’ve never tried, so I’ll give this a no for now.

You have children Well, this is an easy no.

Have You Ever..

Shot a deer? Never.

Seen a house fire? I’ve only seen fires from a distance; hoping this is something I’ll never have to experience.

Went ice skating? So many times as a kid. It was one of my favorite things to do.

Adopted? We adopted Arlee a few years ago.

Seen a shooting star? I don’t think I have, actually.

Taken more than 10 surveys in one day? I most definitely have.

Took on a hobby because it is something your significant other liked? I dabbled in shit here and there because I knew that’s what they had been into and I wanted to be a part of those experiences with them every now and then, yeah.

Seen GhostBusters (new or original)? Not my kind of movie.

Been kicked out of a store? My friends and I got asked to leave a McDonald’s once because they were making too much noise lol.

Had a one night stand? No and it’s not something I’ll ever do, I think. You do you, though.

Complained about something and then turned around and ended up liking it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAKPOPHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stayed in the house for 24 hours straight? The year 2020 would like to say hi.

[embraceyourdestiny]

I have a hypothesis that, if given the opportunity Vanitas and Roxas would be very good friends.

(This is a bit of a mess but bear with me)

Vanitas and Roxas could actually be very good friends. Let’s start with their similarities. Vanitas and Roxas have a similar past and origin; Vanitas was born with the looks of someone else as wel as the other half of another, Roxas was born with the looks of someone else as well will one as the half of another. Though with Vanitas and Ventus it was much more literal, Roxas was also a being of darkness who was ripped from a being more aligned with light. And yet despite this, despite being a piece of something whole, he was able to become his own person. His foundations weren’t his own but what he created with them after the fact was.

Vanitas did the same thing, only instead of rebellion as Roxas did, he did it for self preservation and out of fear of losing himself. The part of Vanitas that still clings so heavily to Ventus and wants to put the two of them back together is Ventus, it’s the piece of Vanitas that originally belongs to Ventus, but the darkness hated that, saw it as weak, and that feeling became so strong that he was able to turn from “Ventus’ darkness” (or the literal manifestations of Ventus’ greatest fears and insecurities and the matter) into his own entire being.

And yet that piece of him that still thinks of itself as Ventus calls to be rejoined with its whole. If Vanitas gets a character arc, it will have to be of him working to let go of his tie to Ventus and embrace himself as his own person because though he “hates” to be compared to Ventus and swears up and down they’re nothing alike, he is the one who compares himself to Ventus and the one who wants himself and Ventus to be the same the most. (Repliku[s] could have a similar arc as well)

Anyway, off topic Vanitas rant but it relates. Because Vanitas has all this inner turmoil about personality and identity, I think this is why he’d respect Roxas and eventually be his friend. Roxas did all of that discover of personal identity and all the pain that came with it, and yet he came out mostly fine. He came out as his own person and he didn’t let anyone stop him from getting to that point. It’s an echo of Sora’s self confidence when it comes to following his heart while Vanitas is an echo of Ventus’ low self esteem (though Sora has his own self esteem issues, when it comes to listening to his heart he never hesitates, wavers, or doubts himself in that regard.) Vanitas doesn’t think he’s able to be his own person and be satisfied with that because he both does and doesn’t want to be his own person; his light wants to return to Ventus and his dark, which is reinforced by the light, wants to be as far away from him as possible. The concept of Nobodies is interesting but especially when applying it to characters who are supposed to be so happy and carefree, though Vanitas and Roxas are their own people, they have to accept that they also did originally come from someone else before being their own person, and because they come from someone else they’re echos of the deepest parts of Ventus’ and Sora’s inner thoughts and darkness. Sora and Ventus literally genetically passed on their trauma and mental health problems to Vanitas and Roxas and Vani and Roxy are simply their “product” with all their issues lmao.

But yes, because Vanitas has such low self esteem and because Roxas is confident, I think Vanitas would end up being Roxas’ friend and respecting him.

(Also side note but I think that Roxas would probably have the best self esteem among the sortas besides Xion because they fought to have an identity, while the others instead fought to cling to a previous identity they had and were terrified to lose hold of it and become it meant they would lose their old self and become something new and none of them were ready for that, Sora included. Ranking wise from highest to lowest of self esteem is probably Xion, Roxas, Ventus-Sora could go either way, Vanitas, and Naminé but that’s another conversation for another day)

And I think it would be reciprocated on Roxas’ side too. Roxas, having come from Sora, has had experience with friends who don’t have high self esteem as well. I don’t know how aware Sora was of this as a kid, but his body would remember and recognize the signs and that could pass on to Roxas. It’s why he was so startled and confused over Axel and Xion doing things they know they are bad, because it reminds Roxas of Riku and the Sora part of him panicked and wanted anything to stop one of the worst things that ever happened to trio trio to happen again, but Roxas gets put through the wringer and something like it happens anyway. Only instead of sadness, he’s angry over what happened and feels like it was an injustice and wants to find someone to blame. (With Sora, I think he was just sad because he knows Riku was to some extent at fault and doesn’t want to blame his friend for doing something so awful because it’s hard to think about but who knows)

So, thinking about this, I think Roxas would see remnants (pun intended) of displays of behavior that he recognized before in others, and even in himself, in Vanitas and not pity him but empathize with him and want to help him, because Roxas was fortunate to have a friend when he needed it and that’s what helped him become his own person. Without Xion and Axel, he would’ve been just another puppet for Xehanort’s game. He needed to become his own person and he could only do that with friends, which effectively reiterates the message of Kingdom Hearts that “connections of the heart are extremely important” and “your friends are you power (i. e. strength)

So yes, I think Vanitas and Roxas are who emo boys who would understand each other in some twisted up way and get along well.

Also, obviously above all else Sora would choose Roxas between all his heart mates because he is the closest to Sora because he much more than the other effectively is Sora and Sora feels that kinship with him, but I would also like to propose that if he had to choose between Ventus or Vanitas Sora would choose Vanitas because he actually identifies with darkness much more strongly than light and would find Vanitas more relatable than Ventus because even if he doesn’t act on his darkness, Sora has a lot of darkness sitting in the depths of his heart and thinks very poorly of himself (either because of the darkness or he accidentally gives it to himself because he has low self esteem). It’s why he gradually floats towards characters aligned with darkness (Roxas, Riku, Axel) and seems much more comfortable in places/with people closely tied to darkness than to light, because he unconsciously aligns himself with it while also thinking he’s not good enough to be light. I think Sora to some extent feels like a fraud and that he is not actually as pure light as everyone thinks he is or wants him to be and that scares him but because he is a people pleaser he keeps it to himself and that only makes the situation worse and rinse and repeat.

So yes. Vanitas and Roxas would be friends and they would also be friends with Sora, please give me Sora Vanitas Roxas friendship the potential is great and they would have such a compelling story and dynamic if it saw fruition so please let it happen nomura thank you