#it's been enjoyable to sit down and read some things i wrote a while ago. it feels like coming home in a way

[mercuryislove]

dipping my toes back into writing as a way to distract myself from the uhhh endless well of misery that is consuming me from within

[dreamisols]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ COFFEE TALK

INTRODUCTION FIC TO 'THE ART OF REMEMBRANCE'

—the rare moments of free time allow you and your boyfriend to talk about anything and everything that comes to mind... at this point, you two might as well be the third division's free podcast! —wc: 1050; fluff but mostly crack —original canon, x fem!reader, you and hoshina are just silly, hibino leno and kikoru mentions, one cuss, general pov more or less, i advocate for silly unhinged dynamics —rimi's ramble: told myself not to rush the series but i wrote this in one sitting... my summer's gonna be spent writing about this man, buckle up folks! >:]

The Third Division considers you and Hoshina as their power couple. 

Charming looks paired with commanding auras, levels of strength that no one would dare go against, all topped off with endearing one-of-a-kind personalities. Two puzzle pieces that fit as if they’re made for each other.

Everyone within the division quickly accepted and supported your relationship with the Vice Captain. And with that support comes your status as the “local love team"—an inside joke and a makeshift badge of honor (if one could even call it that).

In their defense, there isn't even any sort of competition to begin with. You two are the only couple within the division.

Every member, no matter how long they’ve been in the Defense Force, holds high respect towards both of you. They trust you with a lot of things—the wisdom you both give to your members is actually useful, and your attack combos on the field are nothing to scoff at. 

Yes, they would trust you two with their lives, and yes, the way they’d say it might blur the lines of comedy and seriousness. There’s simply one thing that’s holding everyone off…

No one trusts the both of you with coffee. 

Ironic, considering it’s one of Vice Captain Hoshina’s favorite things. 

Another inside joke is that whenever a member enters the lounge room and they’re greeted by the rich inviting scent of brewed coffee, they will be tuning in to some sort of a podcast episode hosted by their one and only dynamic duo. 

No one session is the same. Sometimes you two end up talking about some story you read or some personal experiences. Other days, it’s just opening as many controversial topics as you both can while expressing your opinions in a lighthearted debate. One time, to the division’s surprise, you two started doing a deep dive into a conspiracy theory, complete with a whole digital presentation and proven statistics. 

It’s even more surprising how convincingly well put the entire thing was to the point even Captain Ashiro listened in with interest. 

The members found it pleasant, enjoyable even. A chance to hold more conversations about different non-kaiju-related topics thanks to you and Hoshina’s exceptionally random conversation starters.

All they ask is that you guys don’t open up a topic that might get you random looks at best, or—hypothetically—get the both of you canceled on the internet at worst.   

Today was one of those days, the team figured, when you and your boyfriend step into the (initially busy) lounge with matching porcelain cups. Hibino, Leno, and Kikoru were the ones present in the room… this marks their first time listening in on the two of you rambling.

“I don’t know, Soshiro-san, don’t you think that may be a little too intense?” you made a beeline and assumed your spot on the couch right in front of Kikoru, drinking from your cup the moment you sat on the soft cushion.

Hoshina follows after you and settles right by your side, “No way!” If he weren’t holding anything, you can envision the way he’d cross his arms and huff. He mimics your movements from a while ago, taking a sip from his drink before placing the cup down with a small ‘clink!’. 

A childish pout graces his lips as he stares right at you. “If you think hard enough, I’m telling ya, dicing those kaiju is just like makin’ intricate fruit carvings!”

May the gods give the juniors strength because what the actual fuck were you two talking about?

The room is radio silent. You and Hoshina continue to glare at each other as if you’re both in a mental debate. Which seems likely enough.  

Kikoru nudges Leno’s arm to get him to break the ice and the poor guy sputters. Hibino breaks into a cold sweat when he catches the way you and Hoshina sharply look at the three of them. 

“V-Vice Captain..! (Name)-san… go–good afternoon!” Leno prays his salute doesn’t give away the fact he’s shaking.

By record, this may have to be the oddest conversation they’ve heard in passing.

You flash the three of them a small smile and Hoshina does a small wave of his hands. Not even a second later, the man beside you jumps at the opportunity to find allies for his claim.

“You guys think that slicin' kaiju is like slicing fruits, right?”

Bless your soul that you’re stubborn enough to match his energy. “If anything, it’s more like carving wood! You have to be intricate about it!” 

Hoshina looks back at you like you’ve transformed into the kaiju you were talking about, “Wood carving?! Darlin’ I love you more than the coffee I’m drinking right now, but you’ve reached a new level of insanity!”

“Comparing anything to kaiju neutralization is already some form of insanity…” Leno whispers under his breath. “Let alone wood carving and fruit dicing…” Kikoru murmurs back in agreement. 

“Aww, you love me more than coffee?”

The immediate shift from a lighthearted argument to some sappy lovey dovey confession while talking about carving patterns on kaiju may be just as impressive as your combat prowess, the trio decides. 

Hibino breathes a sigh of relief and mumbles, “Those two fit each other so well… wonder if it’s a match made in heaven or hell…”

“We’re soulmates!” Hoshina corrects him, instinctively reaching out to hold your hands as if it’ll prove his point further. He gently laces his fingers with yours before glowering at Hibino, “You also called us demons with the whole 'hell' comment. Thirty push-ups for the three of you, ya hear?”

Leno nudges his senior’s ribs like he wants to end him right then and there. Kikoru was probably devising ways to successfully kill him on the spot. Hibino’s fighting for his life, but he still manages to catch the way you and Hoshina look at each other with mirroring lovesick smiles. 

If he manages to scrape out alive, maybe this coffee talk wasn’t that bad.

likes and reblogs are appreciated, but please don’t copy or repost my work! [edited: 062424]

[causenessus]

fic authors self rec! ♡ when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. let’s spread the self-love ♡

I WAS GONNA SAVE THIS TOMORROW BUT I KEEP SEEING OTHERS AND IT'S REALLY REALLY MOTIVATING ME <33 (although i don't think i have five other moots to send this to bc idk who else has done it or had it sent to them...)

HAVE I EVEN WRITTEN FIVE THINGS?? I DEF DO NOT POST A LOT OF ONESHOTS 😭

love notes | suna rintarou

OBVIOUSLY MY NUMBER ONE!!! the premise of the smau is so so important to me <3 i love art so much and graffiti just feels so in character for suna?? and he's such a loverboy?? and the photography plot has just really opened my eyes to the amount of time and effort that goes into the profession!!! oh my god i always think about all the lyrics i picked out <3 and just suna and yn dancing around their problems but still flirting with each other some of my fav chapters definitely have to be chapter 3 and 9 (i have been this 🤏 close to reblogging chapter 9 and just saying paragraph 8 like a thousand times. i wrote that entire little excerpt on a tramway in nyc on the way to roosevelt island) <3 my life while i was writing love notes was really nice and this smau is just so so important to me and i was so happy that others also enjoyed it omg i need to stop yapping <3

try again | sakusa kiyoomi

one of my favorites bc it's basically a self insert 😭😭 it's honestly helped me realize so much about myself and is such a comfort fic for me!! i've read a few fics that seem to capture this feeling of like looking back on a time long ago, which is sort of like fond nostalgia? sort of like if you were married and think back to how you married your spouse, or sitting on a rooftop with your best friend and thinking about how you guys were in your younger days if that makes sense. i love that feeling of it being like your reading a story that happened some time ago, and isn't happening currently, and that's what try again feels like to me. the therapist-client dynamic and messy characters is so important to me, AND U GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF SELF INDULGENCE TRAUMA DUMP IS COMING SOON <3 (sorry this sounds so aggressive omg)

see you at the altar | suna rintarou

one of my fav fav drabbles!! it was so sweet and once again just suna being a lover boy is so important to me!! it warms my heart just thinking about being his love and aa <3

new grounds | kageyama tobio

literally sparked my love for kageyama!! and this felt like my first actual smau and i'm still very proud of it and in love with it <3 like it was so cozy and all good vibes!! super self indulgent for me writing about a reader in technical theatre and the friend groups and everything we're so special to me <3 i get so many sort of like just big childhood friend groups vibes from this fic lowk i think i may have to look into making moodboards for it...not to mention how much @cr4yolaas' night shift smau is inspiring me... (shameless plug)(ALSO RYE I HAVE TO SEND THIS ASK TO U!! I NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SELF RECCS AND THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR OWN FICS <33 I WILL BE IN YOUR INBOX SOON!!)

cold kisses | kozume kenma

life was also lowk a little enjoyable while writing this smau!! like i remember running around fighting for my life the day of prom because i was trying to get ready AND post a chapter of cold kisses <3 i spent so many nights in a cafe writing this smau, i remember the exact seat of the cafe i was sitting in while outlining the smau, i remember working at my last job on dish, and having to stop and pull out my phone to write down ideas, and my manager passing me by and giving me a weird look <3 sorry i guess i associate times in my life a lot with my works although i think that's kind of cool!! i also loved the entire premise of this smau ofc <3 all sparked by how much figure skating tiktok inspired me <3

[buthowboutno]

buthowboutno's Unsolicited Writing Advice

Howdy fam!!

This is a post that i’ve been wanting to make for a while so!!! Finally fucking sat down and did it lmao

Considering we’re past the halfway point of ATWLP and over 125k words written for the universe, I thought I would share some writing advice and tidbits I’ve picked up along the way!! (especially for you baby writers out there) (we’re ignoring the fact that I only broke my five year writing hiatus like seven months ago)

ANYWAYS, ramble under the cut <3

--

Don’t force yourself to write linearly

If you’re dragging your feet along writing sections just to get to a certain scene in your head and losing motivation, just… write the scene you wanna write. This might be specific adhd oriented advice, but you gotta use your juices when you have them. 

I’ve recently posted a chapter that I wrote all the way back in November. Did I have to edit some parts in light of changes I made to the outline and the way my blorbos have developed? Yes, but that’s way easier than starting it from scratch and losing all of my ideas when the scene was first bouncing around my head.

Outline outline outline… but don’t be a slave to it

Sometimes all I can manage the energy for is a long series of bullet points outlining a chapter, but it makes it SO much easier to sit down and type everything out properly later.

I also find that having a main outline for my entire story helps me from falling into plotlines that I don't know how to get out of or losing motivation for a fic because I haven't figured out the end goal for my characters. It's easy to sit down and work on a chapter because, for the most part, I already know how it's going to end up.

Having said that, sometimes your characters are stinkasses and decide to completely break away from what you had planned, and that’s okay! Understanding how you can and cannot shove your blorbos around for the sake of plot is a part of learning how to be a better writer.

Don’t delete your writing!

Chances are if you hate a section, it’ll read a million times better after you set it down for a few hours. Us writers can be so incredibly critical of ourselves, but resist the urge to select all and backspace!!! If anything, leaving a section you hate allows you to come back and edit it into something way better instead of starting from scratch again.

If you have to delete a section that just doesn’t fit in the story anymore, still save it!! I have a bits and pieces doc that houses all my deleted scenes that have been revived in later chapters. You never know how deleted scenes might help you pad out future parts of your story.

If you’re a literature snob (like me) and want to just flat out improve your craft… you gotta do your homework

You will always become a better writer the more you write and for those just looking to get out some emotions or have fun, that is perfectly fine! Ignore me! You’re already doing fantastic, look at you go!

But if you’re the type of person to read a fic and be like… “wow, that was better quality than most published books. how do i get to that level??” this is for you

When you’re reading, regardless of what it is, make a mental (or physical!) note of the things you like and dislike.

 Ex: How does the author portray a certain emotion? How do they lay out the scene? What different aspects of characterization stick out to you? What’s the word choice like?

Never gonna bash on anyone who just wants to read for enjoyment, but when you start to exercise that muscle I /promise/ you that your writing will improve that much faster. (It really is annoying how the fucking rhetorical analysis skills they teach you in highschool help, but they do.)

Ages ago I went to this conference for young writers and in one of the seminars I went to, this pair of authors talked about this spreadsheet they set up to better lay out the aspects of writing they really loved or wanted to avoid in their genre. I think this is vv important when you’re planning out longer pieces of writing; you don’t want to get stuck in a trope you hate!

Watch critiques of books!

Booktube is super fucking great for this. I’m personally a video essay bitch, so I’ll sit and watch a three hour long video of someone dissecting a novel and giving a review. That shit will help you with everything from learning how to construct longer and cohesive plots to avoiding certain pitfalls that may turn an audience away from your work. 

Rachel Oates is one of my forever faves and Alizee is a youtuber that I’ve just recently stumbled upon but love all the same.

 I WILL SING THE PRAISES OF OVERLYSARCASTICPRODUCTIONS ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

They have really excellent videos that go into the different tropes and all the ways they can present in stories, whether it be good or bad. This helps you get familiar with the building blocks of a narrative and decide things like wanting to subvert a trope, build upon the popular ones, or even reject them all together. Fic is basically built on fandom-wide tropes, so I think it’s good to be familiar with them.

Just like artists, we gotta do our studies, too

Back when I was a infant writer (i.e. in eighth grade) me and my friends would find different writing prompts on pinterest and spend a few hours working on them before sharing what we wrote. Even if it's not for a larger work, it is /really/ good practice to describe scenery in a picture or come up with a character on the fly and explore how they interact in a situation.

It’s is the literary equivalent of drawing a hand instead of putting it in a pocket so you didn’t have to deal with it

Write messy! Write fast! Write garbage that you’re going to delete in five minutes! You’ll be surprised about the gems that come out of doing this. Literally some of my favourite lines have come out of a frenzied 10 minute keyboard mashing session.

Don’t be afraid of critique but know the difference between that and simply being hard on yourself.

 I think this is probably the biggest thing I’ve struggled with as I’ve gotten back into writing. Before I started posting, I had about five chapters saved up ‘cause I was agonising over making everything perfect. Do I see, six months later, things I know I could have done better? Yes, but! I wouldn’t have been able to grow or develop as an author if I didn’t take that first step of posting and moving on to other parts of the story.

There is a time and place for critiquing and editing your own work and seeing where you can improve, but you also gotta meet yourself where you’re at. We’re not going to be Shakespeare overnight. Getting better is a process, baby! Embrace the fact that if you’re embarrassed about your work years or even months down the line, that means you’re growing as a writer.

And remember stinkies, any creation is good creation. Don’t go comparing hits or kudos or likes and being down on yourself, the act of creation is an important part of the human experience!!! Even if the only thing you ever put out is a 100 word drabble about lightning mcqueen making love to bowser, i’ll be proud of you. 

Happy writing and get yourself some water <3<3

[beddhead-red]

Juno (and the gang) high. how would that go?

Haha, maan...this has been sitting here a while.

I wrote a short piece a while ago on a little escapade between Juno & Celeste drinking, which is here.

Juno doesn't typically partake in anything stronger than a cigarette, and even then, starting off, she's been avoiding them for a while. Yet, as she delves deeper into her labyrinth, and as the walls close in around her, she does indulge a little, if only to lighten the mood and allow herself to rest, once in a while. As she glances closer against the edge of death, the impacts of her self-destructive behavior becomes more visible, in many ways, and even she falters from time to time.

The deeper she goes, the more uncertain she is of her whole standing, which results in some truly erratic decision making, some of which involving recreational substances.

Celeste's not quite a stranger to the stuff herself, but has generally kept on the straight and narrow for a while, for a few reasons...but with Juno, things sort of just...happen. They do what comes natural.

Nick tends to keep to himself and avoid any illicit substances, if at all possible. It's not that he doesn't see anything enjoyable in them, or that he has some sort of stick up his ass; it's just not his scene. Coffee's his drug of choice, a vice which Juno shares with him, incidentally.

All of this is really to say, despite having some history with cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, and all other manner of weird shit you can find in an alley out behind Target, none of them are particularly interested in them. As things get deeper, Juno starts smoking again, drinks a bit heavily, and maybe engages in some other debauchery, just to stay sane.

Nick typically doesn't smoke, but isn't above lighting up with her. They both know they don't have much time left, anyway. Celeste tries to join in, but both don't really like the thought. I have an old concept related to this using cigarettes as something of a metaphor i'd like to draw a comic of or something, but I've been too busy to really flesh it out.

Ah, anyway, more to the point:

Juno's a bit strange while high. Being drunk is one thing--her senses are still there, they're just dulled, as is her reaction time and decision-making. It's dangerous under certain circumstances, but it's damn fun as well. Weed is...another story. She's the type who gets sleepy any time she smokes, regardless of strain, and regardless of atmosphere. She doesn't like it.

For anyone else, maybe in another life (maybe in a "nothing bad happens" au) it's a calm, fuzzy feeling that makes them feel safe with their friends. For her, it's something lulling her into a false sense of security and leaving her helpless to enemy attacks, physical and mental. It's a liability. She can't really fight it, but she's just in a perpetual state of heightened paranoia due to her awareness of how intoxicated she is. Absolutely terrible smoke partner. Can take huge rips with no reaction but is constantly checking all of the entrances and windows and just generally tweaking the fuck out the entire time.

Celeste gets a bit more talkative, and is a lot more plain about her feelings. Between the two of them, Juno and Celeste spend a lot of time teasing each other and joking around, while masking their true intentions. Celeste's self-control flounders, and she ends up just saying her thoughts out loud instead of burying it in any kind of joke or more subtle comment. This invariably embarrasses her later, but Juno doesn't particularly care. She's not that hard for her to read, anyway. Oh, and she gets the munchies like crazy. She will eat anything not nailed down.

Nick gets a lot quieter, but seems pretty chill overall. He's pretty decently functional regardless of how deep he is, and though he probably shouldn't, absolutely can drive stoned with no issue. Becomes a lot more passive overall.

Despite this, he's still on a razor's edge combat wise. If you test him his body's going to respond before his brain does, and his body is quick and strong. Maybe that's why he's not worried.

Like I said it's just not really in character for them to smonk weed so I didn't have a lot of genuine thoughts lmao, hope this satisfies you

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay. So. Katherine Ryan. I saw her live a few days ago, and when I got home, I wrote about it briefly in this post. After that, I decided to give it a couple of days before writing in more depth, because I wanted to consider how to explain some stuff. It made me think a bunch about how I judge comedians and comedy and what elements will or won’t take away from my enjoyment of it. That’s the sort of thing that I want to write about carefully. So here’s what I’ve come up with now that I’ve had some time to think:

First of all, as I said that night, it was a really enjoyable show. It was funny. Katherine Ryan is a great performer. She’s very at ease on stage and about interacting with the audience. I’ve been lucky enough to see a few live shows in the last couple of weeks, and a couple more in the last few months, and in my mind afterwards, a lot of them were defined by their pace. The way the comedian would speed up and slow down and be loud and intense or hesitant and catching themselves as they talked. All of those things are fun. But Katherine Ryan’s performance style was pretty even overall, it felt polished and professional. You could see that she had confidence in and enthusiasm for all her jokes, she knew exactly what she was there to do. But she also had the manner of an experienced performer who knows she can get it all across easily and calmly. It was good. She’s very good at what she does.

And the jokes were good. A lot of the stories were somewhat familiar to me because I’ve read her recently released book, but she clearly knew a lot of her audience would have read her book, and she wasn’t just repeating the stories from it. She built on them, adding jokes and other elements and more of her own commentary.

The show was mainly about the last few years of her life, during which she reunited with her ex-boyfriend from high school while filming a TV show in Canada, brought him back to England, married him, had a child with him, and is now pregnant with another. Which is a hell of a lot to happen to someone in about three years. Definitely worth making the subject of a show. I’ve heard some comedians joke that it’s unfortunate when they get through the complicated process of setting up their life and then have it all in order, because while for most people this would be the time when they get to just sit back and enjoy it, a comedian who does material about their own life runs out of shit to talk about on stage. Katherine Ryan definitely does not have that problem in 2022.

Near the beginning, she told a joke about how she realizes she has kind of “let the cause down” by getting married. I put that in quotes because of course getting married isn’t really letting down feminism or whatever, she knows that and we know that, but she was joking about the perception. Her two other recorded comedy specials, both on Netflix, talked a lot about her life as a single mother. How she dated sometimes but always resisted the pressure to try to bring in a man to turn them into a “proper nuclear family”, because they didn’t need to be that, and her and her daughter were happy to navigate the world as a duo. She said in her 2022 show that she knows her previous specials were seen as inspiring to other people who lived in non-traditional family structures and hated the pressure to become more traditional… “And then I went and married a straight white man. Sorry, everyone.”

This joke worked because it wasn’t real. The the fight against it being mandatory for women to fit into a traditional family structure is a political and feminist issue, but Katherine Ryan’s personal choices about getting married are not part of that. You can marry a man and still be a feminist. No one is stopping anyone from marrying a straight white man. And she knows that, she was pretending otherwise for a joke.

She then informed us that she has not only committed the sin of marrying a straight white man, but she even went so far as to marry a conservative straight white man. A guy who likes to download right-wing conspiracy podcasts, and sometimes she hears Jordan Peterson’s voice coming from his phone. She said all this as part of the “I know, I’m such a traitor, sorry for letting down all the feminists who looked up to me when I was making it as a single mom” joke. And that felt… off. Because she’d changed the parametres. Marrying a straight white man is a politically and morally neutral choice. I mean, I guess it's technically not completely because nothing is completely morally or politically neutral, but it’s about as close to neutral as a personal choice can get. While looking at a guy who’s into right-wing conspiracies and saying “Yeah that’s fine, I can overlook that” is not quite so neutral. She’s still saying, “Sorry for letting you all down with this anti-feminist choice”, while I’ve gone from laughing at the joke to thinking… “Yeah, you kind of have done that.” I don’t love her conflating those things. Because only a caricature of an over-the-top unreasonable feminist would object to a woman marrying a straight white man just because he’s a straight white man. Adding his political views into those parametres seemed to suggest that it would also be only unreasonable over-the-top caricature feminists who’d object to marrying a man who’s into Jordan Peterson.

I kind of already knew about this. She made a couple of references in her book to her husband calling himself right-wing. Also there was one really weird sentence near the end in which she said she’s proud to call him the leader of her family. I chose, and I think I still choose, to interpret that last bit in the most charitable possible way, by thinking she calls him that because he’s the one who stays home and keeps the house in order and looks after the daughter while Katherine travels for work a lot. So in that way he kind of leads the house, I guess? I don’t know. It was just a few sentences in a whole book and I figured the fairest thing was to assume she meant something reasonable, even if that required making some leaps in my mind.

I also tried to be charitable in what I assumed from her mention that her husband called himself right-wing. That doesn’t automatically have to mean anything in particular. “Right-wing” can mean a lot of things. John Oliver has a wife who’s technically a Republican, but in that case it’s about wanting proper care for veterans, not wanting to deport all the Muslims and Mexicans. Sarah Millican has a husband who’s called himself right-wing, but he’s managed to appear on Mock the Week enough times without advocating for anything terrible that I choose to believe he’s probably one of the okay right-wing people too. Hopefully. I will judge someone by what their values are and what beliefs they hold, but the label that they put on those beliefs doesn’t tell me exactly what they are. So if the label is all that I know, I try to make charitable assumptions based on it.

So that was fine, until Katherine Ryan got up on stage and started telling us what her husband’s right-wing beliefs actually are. She did not list a deep concern that unchecked spending on public programs could lead to inflation that will ultimately put the most vulnerable in society in an even tougher spot. She listed Jordan Peterson. And I will fully admit that, as many people who know me already know, Jordan Peterson is my fucking kryptonite. I hate him with a passion, more than I hate comparable right-wing assholes, for a number of reasons that I’ve gotten into before on this blog. Mainly involving the way he specifically looks to influence teenage boys, and does influence many teenage boys that I know and care about as a coach. So I tend to see red whenever anyone talks about normalizing Jordan Peterson’s brand of traditionalist bigotry as an acceptable part of normal discourse, just because it’s baked in some fancy faux-intellectual wording. This means that I realize my especially strong hatred for anything related to Jordan Peterson may make me react more strongly than another person would to some of the stuff in Katherine Ryan’s show.

So, that’s what she told us. Her husband calls himself right-wing, downloads conspiracy podcasts, and listens to Jordan Peterson. Sometimes he asks questions like “Why do I, as a white male, have to apologize for my existence?” Katherine Ryan heard this guy say all that stuff, and found that her own values allowed her to say, “Yeah that’s all fine, I’d like to marry him.” Which is not great, but if it had stopped there, I would not be writing this post. I would have shaken my head and said, “Well shit, I don’t like that, but I’m going to try to pretend I didn’t hear it and keep enjoying Katherine Ryan for who she is.”

Shaking my head and trying to ignore it is the same thing I did at the end of her book when she said Geoff Norcott is her best friend in comedy, and the same thing I do when she makes references to her close personal friendship with Jimmy Carr (I use those words to differentiate her from the many Britcom people who work with Jimmy Carr and are friendly with him – that’s not the same as the way Katherine Ryan frequently talks publicly about what a great guy he is). It’s a fact I don’t love about Katherine Ryan that she can hear Geoff Norcott and Jimmy Carr say everything they’ve said, and still want them as friends. But I also try to be very careful about judging women based on their willingness to associate with men I don’t like, because that’s a quick way down the road to sexist double standards. So, all right, Katherine Ryan hangs out with and marries men who say shitty things. That would make me hesitate to trust someone if I knew them in real life, but I don’t know Katherine Ryan in real life and I can still enjoy her comedy just fine.

Unfortunately, the story does not stop there. The show went for a while, she told some more fun stories about her family and her life, and then things got political. She brought up her two sisters: Kerry, the cool one, and Joanne, the one no one likes. I recognized this from her book, when she said it was a joke in the family that Kerry was the fun one and Joanne was the weird one who had moved to Alberta and kept to herself (for the record, Kerry is the sister she brought into Taskmaster for a prize task once). Her book had some stories about how those two were different, how Kerry likes to go out drinking and Joanne does not – normal stuff about jokes within a family.

When she brought up them up in her live show, she contrasted them in a different way: Joanne takes COVID very seriously, and Kerry does not. And this is where the show got quite uncomfortable for my girlfriend and I, sitting there with our KN95 masks on in a room full of people where most wore no masks at all. I’d already been feeling a little uncomfortable in that room, both scared of physically catching something from all those people, and self-conscious about how at this point wearing a mask marks you out as the “not fun” person.

Katherine told us it’s a shame that the pandemic has driven so many wedges within relationships, and there’s an example in her own family, because Joanne and Kerry aren’t speaking to each other due to their wildly different views. Kerry is unvaccinated, anti-vax, anti-mask, into the conspiracies, all of that. And Joanne is on the other extreme, all bundled up in her house, wearing super reinforced masks, fully vaccinated, would take another booster tomorrow if she could, all of that.

That framing immediately hit a nerve with me because for the last couple of years, I have been very frustrated by how people label the “extremes” of responses to COVID. I have been constantly told I’m on the “extreme” end of being careful about it, and it’s not fair to expect others to be as careful as I am because not everyone is so extreme. When in my mind, I do the bare minimum. I wear a mask, took all the recommended vaccines, follow recommendations, take precautions. I hate that that’s been labeled an “extreme” position. That it’s been set up so I’m at one extreme, anti-vaxxers who think COVID is a government conspiracy are at the other extreme, and the reasonable thing to is try to meet somewhere in the middle and all understand each other.

That setup that I hate was pretty much the exact point of Katherine Ryan’s story about her sisters. It particularly got to me that part of her justification for calling Joanne “extreme” was that she’s the type of person who “would take another booster tomorrow if she could”. Because this province recently recommended that all adults get a second booster. I still haven’t booked my appointment for one, but I’ve been meaning to, and I’m going to do it. I object to the idea that following that government advice is a sign of a COVID extremist.

I am not an extreme COVID rule follower. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been to multiple big comedy shows with lots and lots of people (and the Nish Kumar show, which was an amazing experience that for some reason took place in a venue with a capacity of 128, I enjoyed it so much but Nish can do much better and I have no idea what he was doing in a room that small). I wore a mask at all the shows, but I still went. I wear masks on public transit and in the grocery store and other public indoor spaces. I have recently gone back to coaching a full-contact sport where no one wears masks, because it’s not practical for the activity. I hang out with friends and family sometimes, and don’t wear masks in their homes. That’s my current level of caution because right now, things are fairly safe, COVID-wise. It looks like that may be on its way to changing, and if it does, I’ll change my behaviour accordingly. I think that all makes me pretty reasonable. Lots of people are more careful than I am, and I respect them for it. I acknowledge that they’re doing more to keep the community safe than I am. I don’t call them wild extremists.

But to hear Katherine Ryan tell it, the things that make Joanne extreme, comparable to anti-vax conspiracy theorists but just on the other side of the horseshoe, are: bundled up in her home, wears a super reinforced mask, would take another vaccine tomorrow if she could. So basically, in Katherine Ryan’s book, I am an extremist. Because I stay in my house when that’s the public health advice, I wear one of those reinforced masks (by which I mean KN95s, which most public health experts say you should wear if you have access to them), and I would certainly take that booster shot tomorrow if the opportunity fell in my lap. The only reason I won’t take another vaccine tomorrow is I haven’t gotten around to the admin of booking it yet.

That’s how she set up the story. It’s too bad that her two sisters can’t look past their differences about COVID and just talk to each other. She positioned herself as the reasonable centrist in the middle of those two extreme positions, understanding and giving a fair chance to them both. But the words she chose didn’t reflect that. She framed this as the story of her fun sister, and the sister no one likes. “Kerry is so much fun, and no one likes Joanne,” she said, and that had a very different connotation in the context of this story than it did in her book, where she just joked that Joanne was boring for not enjoying parties.

She then went into a segment of the show in which she defended anti-vaxxers. To be clear, she not say she was an anti-vaxxer. I don’t think Katherine Ryan is an anti-vaxxer. I assume she’s vaccinated; presumably lots of the jobs she did last year would have required it. She just said we should try to be more understanding of anti-vaxxers. Because they’re not malicious people who want to kill your grandparents. They’re mostly just nice people who don’t trust advice from the government, and we can’t blame them for that. The government has never protected the population, so it makes sense that anti-vaxxers refuse to believe that suddenly, on this one issue, the government has completely changed and now has our best interests at heart.

That last paragraph is pretty much what Katherine Ryan said; I can’t claim a word-for-word quote because my memory is not a perfect audio recorder, but she made all those points. And I am not going to write a whole thing here about why those points are wrong, because I assume anyone reading this already knows that, and if you don’t, then that’s a whole other conversation. She said it, I sat next to my very COVID-conscious girlfriend as we both winced pretty hard, and then Katherine Ryan said she recently went out drinking with her sister Kerry and it was great fun because anti-vaxxers are more fun to hang out with. “For one thing, they actually go out!” said Katherine. That one is a direct quote.

I’ve read things before by pearl-clutching Christians or whatever who write about a comedy show as: “And then the comedian made a joke about the Lord, and my family and I were there, and we had to sit there as we Christians were abused by this person in the name of so-called comedy!” I realize that my last few sentences might have sounded a bit like that, and all I can say is I don’t mean it that way. I don’t think Katherine Ryan was trying to target us COVID-conscious people, as individuals or as a group. I don’t think she wanted to make anyone uncomfortable. I don’t think she was trying to indoctrinate anyone into not getting a booster shot. Comedy will always be a little uncomfortable for someone, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

But maybe I have a little bit in common with the pearl-clutching Christians, because for those few minutes of the show, I was pretty uncomfortable. I’ve spent over two years being told, sometimes by people close to me, that I’m not enough fun or I’m too extreme because I’m trying to follow health advice. It’s been hard to hear that so often. When I’ve struggled with that and many other things during the pandemic, I’ve often used British comedy to get me through. Being told those things again by one of the comedians I’ve enjoyed so much was not great. But I get that not every moment of every show has to be for me. I also realize that Katherine Ryan never asked to be part of this whole big thing that got me through a global crisis and let me project feminist expectations onto her in the process. She’s, you know, just a person.

After that, Katherine Ryan was thankfully done with the political stuff. She moved on to other topics, told some more funny stories about her life, and I enjoyed it. At the end she told some jokes about Jimmy Carr’s hairline, pretty standard stuff for Katherine Ryan. I knew going in that that’s what Katherine Ryan does. I realize my expectations for Taking A Political Stand were raised fairly high the previous weekend, when I heard Nish Kumar tell 128 people (honestly, the room was so small) that comedians who shit on minorities are not acceptable, and then shout, “Fuck you Jimmy Carr!” Not everyone is going to do that, because not everyone is Nish Kumar. Some people will talk at a reasonable volume, and their reaction to a colleague who shits on minorities is to make light entertainment jokes about his hair and teeth. And if I want enough moral high ground to condemn Katherine Ryan for that, I would have to, at the very least, never watch Catsdown again. And I really like watching Catsdown.

In the car on the way home from the show, I wasn’t sure how reasonable I was being by taking issue with some of what we heard. Katherine Ryan’s political stuff just took up lots of space in this Tumblr post, but it took up a very small percentage of the actual show. Most of the performance was fun. I look back on it overall as a great night out.

During that car ride, I wondered if I was being too judgemental about Katherine Ryan. Maybe I’m failing to check my privilege as someone who was raised in a fairly progressive home. Maybe I’d feel differently if I were raised in Sarnia, in a family with one sister who went full anti-vax conspiracy theorist, in an area where my high school boyfriend would go on to become a Jordan Peterson fan. Maybe then I’d understand that some people grow up surrounded by those people, and to them it’s normalized, so they’re not going to reject friends or siblings or romantic partners just for holding those views. Maybe I need to be more understanding.

There are a few reasons why that’s not quite right, starting with the fact that I’ve had a lot of conflict with my own brother over things like this, so my family isn’t a completely liberal bubble. But what made me really decide I was in fact being reasonable was my girlfriend. I don’t want to go too much into her personal details, but she was raised in a much less progressive home than I was, and has some serious conflicts with her siblings about differences in how to see COVID. And during the drive home from that show, she was the first one to bring up that Katherine Ryan’s political stuff made her uncomfortable.

My girlfriend was raised to believe she was supposed to marry a nice conservative man like Katherine Ryan’s husband, and she was the first to say that she didn’t like that Katherine said this guy who listens to right-wing conspiracies is a great husband. Which suggests that my discomfort with it is not just a sign of me not understanding what it’s like to be from a conservative family. You can be raised by conservatives and still grow up to understand that shit isn’t acceptable.

My girlfriend was also the first to say another thing I’d been thinking, but had been really trying not to think. She said the two brushes with politics in Katherine Ryan’s show seem to be connected, and her sympathy for anti-vaxxers may be related to listening to her husband too much. I think that may be true, but of course, it’s not a hugely feminist thought. “That woman can’t possibly have opinions of her own, she must have been influenced by the man of the house.”

But I do know that that can happen sometimes. It’s happened to people I know, and it’s happened to me. You spend enough time talking to someone who’s on one extreme side of an issue, and even if you don’t end up agreeing with them, you end up seeing their views as reasonable. You drag your personal Overton window toward them. If they’re in your life by choice, you kind of have to do that. The Overton window is for political positions that are deemed acceptable. If you’ve accepted this person into your life, then you have to consider the window of acceptability to include their views. As their views start to seem more acceptable, people who strongly oppose them start to seem more extreme. And that can lead to beliefs like: “Joanne is a COVID extremist because she wears strong masks and would take another vaccine.”

For the record, if it helps to save my feminist cred on this at all, when Russell Howard brought Jordan Peterson onto his show last year, one of my many thoughts about that was: “What does your wife with her job as a medical doctor think about you applauding this guy who’s encouraged anti-vax theories?” So it’s not just women that I think could be influenced by their spouses. Though I suppose that’s a case of Russell Howard not being influenced by his spouse, or at least I hope not, because doctors who support Jordan Peterson are much more dangerous than comedians who support Jordan Peterson.

Oh, I do have an example of me assuming a male comedian was influenced by his wife! Just thought of it now: when John Oliver talks about the terrible way members and veterans of the military get treated, I assume his wife is the reason he’s so passionate and knowledgeable about that. There, proof that it’s not a double standard. I don’t assume Katherine Ryan has been influenced by her spouse because she’s a woman and he’s a man. I assume it because sometimes people are influenced by their spouses.

Also, when Russell Howard interviewed Jordan Peterson, the thing about his wife was a secondary thought. My primary thought about other people’s reactions was: “Come on, man, Frankie Boyle raised you better than this. He would not be proud of you right now. Where did it go wrong?” So, you know, influence can come from all kinds of places. Also, I got a lot angrier at Russell Howard for actually interviewing Jordan Peterson than I did at Katherine Ryan for just letting some of his ideas exist in her house. And I have not tried to “cancel” Katherine Ryan or Russell Howard, in general or even just in my own media consumption. They are still both comedians I like. Saying that immediately made me ask if it’s fair for me to judge Katherine Ryan for deeming a Jordan Peterson fan to be marriage material, when I still like noted Jordan Peterson fan Russell Howard. My answer to that is it’s fine, because I do not wish to marry Russell Howard and have him live in my house. I relate enough to Jon Richardson to know that living with Russell Howard would go very badly for me, and Jordan Peterson is only one of the many reasons why.

Anyway. This post got a little off track at the end there. What was I talking about? Right, Katherine Ryan. Great comedian, Katherine Ryan. Funny, intelligent, talented as a writer and a performer. I don’t think I’d want to have dinner with her though. Or her sister Kerry, no matter how well Katherine sold that as the perfect dinner guest on Taskmaster. Life is complicated. I should go to bed.

[shinazugawaswife]

If You Love Him - Harry Styles

This is based on the song If You Love Her by Forest Blakk

This song breaks my heart every time I listen to it, and I just thought of this idea. It honestly made me so sad to write and I really got in my feels, so I’m sorry beforehand if it’s too sad, but I’m actually really proud of it so I hope you enjoy<3 (Olivia Wilde appears in this, and it’s in no way meant negatively towards her) 

Summary: you have a hard time living without Harry, and when you find out he’s seeing someone else it breaks your heart and you write a song to his new lover

Warnings: none, it’s just sad:’(

Not my gif, so creds to the owner

You sat in front of the piano, fingers brushing the keys, just barely touching them. You've been crying all day it felt like, and now you just felt numb. You were absolutely drained of all your energy and you felt like you could fall asleep on the spot, but every time you tried closing your eyes, old memories flooded your brain a thousand miles per hour and prevented sleep from taking you with it.

You missed him, fuck you missed him so much. It was so hard just breathing without him and it felt like climbing a mountain just getting through one day without Harry beside you. You barely slept, just the thought of waking up and not seeing him in bed next to you, was enough to start a waterfall of tears streaming down your face. Every day you were in physical pain too, your stomach was in knots, your head was pounding from all the crying and your body had gotten so used to just laying in bed that your muscles had started hurting too from lack of use.

Every day was a hell to go through, but today had been the worst without a doubt. Nothing could ever compare to the feeling you'd felt when you’d checked Twitter that morning and saw rumors that Harry had found someone new. It had been all over the internet after a picture had been caught of him and someone else from the night before. Even though your brain had begged you to stop looking at the pictures and just turn off your phone, you'd spent the entire morning reading articles and fan theories. Eventually, it had hurt more than you could bear and you'd put down your phone and spent the rest of the day soaking your pillow from your unstoppable fountain of tears.

Now it was some time in the middle of the night, maybe around 3 a.m? You honestly didn't know. You hadn't touched your phone since you'd tossed it away earlier and you hadn't moved from your bed until an hour ago when you'd made your way to the piano in your living room.

One time what felt like an eternity ago, Harry had found you absolutely devasted after you thought a heavy argument with one of your close friends had led to the end of your friendship, and he'd told you: "some times emotions are easier to feel if you express them through music" and he'd made you sit down on the same piano bench you were sitting on now, listening while you wrote a song about every emotion that you'd felt. You remembered how he'd been right, that the feelings had actually been more bearable after you'd sang the words. Maybe it would work that way this time too? Honestly, at this point, you were willing to try anything to minimize the painful aching in your chest.

You'd just been staring at the piano in front of you for the last hour though, no words coming to mind that could express exactly what you were feeling. You kept thinking of Harry with this new person: was he with her right now, lying next to her in bed? Were they cuddling? Did he pull her tight to his chest while his head rested atop of hers as he'd always done with you? Were they having deep pillow talks till far into the night, like the two of you used to? Did he touch her the way he'd touched you? Did her entire body ignite whenever he kissed her, as yours had always done?

You knew who she was, Olivia Wilde, the director of the movie Harry had worked so hard on the last couple of months. You remembered the day he'd come home, so excited that he'd gotten the role in the movie, and you'd been equally as excited for him and so fucking proud. Not once had you imagined that you'd be sitting here now, while Harry was starting a new relationship with her. Was she treating him right? You fucking hoped so. Even though you wanted to hate her with your entire being, you couldn't seem to be mad at her. Maybe she was giving him what you couldn't, maybe he was happier with her. God, he deserved to be so happy.

Suddenly a thought formed in your head and the fingers that had only been lightly touching the piano keys now pressed down to make the instrument play out a soft melody.

Take it If he gives you his heart Don't you break it

Your voice was weak as it escaped from your lips. You hadn't spoken to a lot of people the past couple of weeks, having barely used your voice and you couldn't even remember the last time you'd been singing. Losing Harry had made you shy away from your passion for music and writing, too many memories.

Let your arms be a place He feels safe in He's the best thing that you'll ever have

You kept going as the words formed in your head, directing the song to Harry's new lover. Even though it brought you so much pain to see Harry with someone else, you were willing to let him go if she was for him what he needed. All you wanted was for him to be happy and complete, you wanted him to have the world and you'd never been able to give him that.

Memories started appearing in your head like flashbacks behind your closed eyelids. Memories that you and Harry had shared, memories that made you smile slightly even though it shattered your heart to know that you would never share moments like them with him again. While being with Harry, you were the happiest you'd ever been and maybe you were never gonna feel that again, but it was okay as long as he was happy.

He always has trouble Falling asleep And he likes to cuddle While under the sheets

You'd spent many long nights next to Harry in bed, running your fingers through his hair and speaking softly to help him find sleep when it had been so hard for him. He'd always told you how there was no feeling that could compare to being curled up to you in bed, holding you so close to him that you could hear his heartbeat. The most peaceful moments you'd ever experienced with him were these intimate moments where you never wanted to move out of his embrace, praying that you could just stay in his arms forever.

Reality hit you now, that those moments were long gone, but you just wished with all your heart that she would hug him just the way he loved it and that she would be there for him during those sleepless nights he had when adrenaline wouldn't stop running through his body after working too much, or whenever a storm of thoughts in his head was keeping him awake.

He loves Pop songs And dancing, and bad trash TV

Harry's taste in music had always been something else. It was so wide, almost every genre of music was presented on his playlist, but you remembered you'd been surprised when you found all the cliche pop songs on there. You knew, of course, that Harry had spent five years in a boyband, singing pop songs, but to you, he just hadn't seemed like the type to listen to Ariana Grande and Katy Perry, but you'd been so wrong.

You couldn't count how many romcoms and shitty reality shows you'd watched with Harry during your time together. He'd always found them very enjoyable, and you would be lying if you didn't enjoy the times you'd been cuddled up to him on the couch while watching Love Island and discussing all the people you voted for and all the people you absolutely couldn't stand with each other.

He loves love notes and babies And likes giving gifts

A single tear escaped your eye and ran down your cheeks at the thought of all the love notes Harry had given you in the past. After you'd started dating, you'd worn his clothes so much, just because it smelled like him. His hoddies, shirts, sweatpants, jackets, you'd stolen it all from him, you're excuse being that it was more comfortable than your own clothes. Harry had never minded though, in fact, he'd always loved to see you walk into the kitchen in his shirt in the mornings or walk out of the house in a pair of his sweatpants paired with something like a white tank top.

At some point, he started putting little notes in the pockets of his hoddies or pants, knowing you'd put the items on the next day and find the sweet notes he hid. It was just small things like I love you or have a great day, love or excited to see you tonight, but they had always melted your heart, making you love him just that more.

Has a hard time accepting A good compliment

Harry had always showered you with compliments, every chance he got, always making you smile. You'd always made sure to tell Harry what an amazing person he was and how talented he was, how beautiful his music was and how absolutely gorgeous he looked, and every single time a sweet comment like that had left your mouth, Harry had blushed slightly while looking down at his feet. He would start making excuses, saying that it was nothing special every time you were amazed by a new song he'd written, and telling you he didn't know what you were talking about every time you'd told him how good he looked.

Knowing that he'd never been good at receiving compliments, you'd made sure to attack him with them all the time, and even though he never admitted it, you knew he thought about your words with a lot of consideration, eventually, you hoped, he started believing them.

You just wanted her to keep telling him those sweet things every day because he needed to hear them.

He loves his whole family And all of his friends

You thought of Harry's family and how he'd been so proud when he'd introduced you to them for the first time. He always put his family above everyone and though he didn't see them as much as he wanted to, he made sure that they never questioned how much they meant to him.

You'd admired the relationship he had with his family, especially his mother and sister, you could just tell how much he adored them. You'd never really had a home with that kind of love. You were an only child, so no siblings, and your mother had passed away while you were still young, leading your father into years of alcoholism and depression.

You'd never felt safe and loved until you met Harry, he was your family. That was probably the hardest part for you to let go of, the feeling of safety you'd had whenever you were wrapped in his arms or from simply being in the same room as him.

He was such a giving person, never asking for much. He had a lot of friends and they all adored him, how could they not? He had this ability to make you feel so special and he was such a good listener too, giving you all his attention whenever you told him something, not letting anything distract him.

So if you're the one he lets in Take it If he gives you his heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place He feels safe in He's the best thing that you'll ever have He'll love you If you love him

You sang, and god, the words hurt. It felt like your chest was being pried open and your heart ripped out and shredded into pieces. You had to mov eon though, for your own good. You never wanted to forget Harry, he would always have a piece of you, but this grieve that you were feeling had to decrease, you could barely live a life when it hurt so bad.

If Olivia was the one for Harry, then so be it, if she made him happy you couldn't argue. Obviously you hadn't made him as happy as he'd made you, but you hadn't realized that until he'd walked out the door and it was too late. He had let go of you and now it was time for you to do the same, you just wanted, no needed her to treat him right.

On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it He's the best thing that you'll ever have He'll love you If you love him like that

You always thought that Harry and you could get through anything, and your relationship had been put to a lot of tests throughout your time together but never had you thought that one of these obstacles would actually get the better of you.

You remembered that day so clearly. The day your whole world fell apart slowly with every step Harry took towards your front door, and it all crashed down on you when he sat down in his car and drove away without even one last glance in your direction. You hadn't talked to him after that, but still, he remained the single thing on your mind 24/7. It hurt you how quickly he had moved on, but you couldn't be mad because you felt at blame for your relationship ending in the first place.

Harry had always said that as long as you stood together, then absolutely nothing could come in the way of you two, and the only time you hadn't been side by side, that's when you fell apart. You'd always appreciated him so much, sometimes you'd thought it was impossible to care so much for another human as you cared about Harry.

Your hands started shaking a bit and you could feel the tears slowly appearing in the corner of your eyes. You would never stop caring about Harry, he had such an impact on your life, what were you supposed to do without him? God, would this pain ever stop? As you started the second verse, the tears escaped your eyes and silently ran down your cheeks.

Kiss him with passion As much as you can

You missed kissing Harry. Just his touch had been such an essential part of your day and now that you didn't get to feel that, you needed it more than anything. When you thought of it, it was as if you could still feel his lips on yours, kissing you softly.

You'd kissed a number of guys before you met Harry and you'd thought all of them had been fairly good, but that was until you kissed Harry. You'd shared your first kiss one day while you'd been chilling at Harry's and he just couldn't stop himself as you'd stood in his kitchen and looked so beautiful. You knew Harry had experience, but you remember being completely taken aback by how comfortable the kiss was. It wasn't too wet, but not entirely without his tongue roaming your mouth either. He'd grabbed your waist while your arms snaked their way around his neck, and he'd tasted good after the smoothies he'd made for the two of you earlier that day. You hadn't been able to get enough and he had seemed to have the same problem because you'd barely taken your hands off each other for the rest of the night.

Harry was a very affectionate person and he’d loved holding you, kissing you, just touching you in general. It had made you feel so loved and now where that feeling had belonged in your chest, was just emptiness. You were certain no one could ever make you feel the way Harry had, he could make your entire body feel like it was on fire just by holding your hand.

Run your hands through his hair Whenever he's sad

It wasn't often Harry had been sad in front of you, let alone cried, but it had happened a couple of times, and many times he'd come home and you'd been able to see that something was wrong, but he would deny it. It wasn't because he’d been embarrassed to be sad in front of you, but he’d often pushed it away because he didn't want to burden you. You knew him well though and you could tell the second he would walk in the door, that something was wrong. If he didn't want to talk about it, mostly you'd just put a romcom on the television and pulled him into your arms while you'd cuddled on the sofa, gently running your fingers through his soft curls. You would do anything to brush your fingers through his hair right now...

And when he doesn't notice How amazing he is Tell him over and over

So he never forgets

On the outside, Harry had always made a great effort to appear confident and independent, but when you'd managed to get to know him behind that exterior, you'd discovered that he had a bunch of his own insecurities. He always questioned if his music was good enough, if his performances were good enough, if he was a good idol, if he deserved everything he had, if he was good enough.

Once you'd found out he felt this way a lot of the time, you'd always made sure to tell him how absolutely extraordinary you thought he was. You hoped that she would tell him too, help him build a better image of himself in his head.

You managed to get through the chorus again before your feelings became too overwhelming and you had to stop. Your fingers halted on the piano while your tears had become slightly more uncontrollable.

You couldn't help but think that you were pathetic for sitting here when Harry had clearly moved on with someone else. You'd realized how much your joy had depended on him, but you had to be able to live a life without him. How could you move on when Harry had completed you though?

It was cliche, but you felt like you were missing a part of you and without Harry, you would never be able to get it back. It was like he'd been too good for you, so he had been taken away from you. You had always known you didn't deserve him, but you'd tried your very hardest to be worthy of his love, but you weren't and now someone was making you pay for those years where you'd been granted his affection without actually deserving it.

What were you supposed to do? How the fuck were you supposed to live a life when your source of happiness had been taken away from you?

With tears still in your eyes and your body shaking, you removed yourself from the piano and went back to bed, hoping that maybe tomorrow would be the day he would come knocking at your door, because moving on from him clearly wasn’t an option...

——————————————————————————

A/n: I've got a bunch of requests that's been sitting in my inbox for so long and I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to them. A bunch of them are with JJ and I just haven't been in the mood to write for him lately, I've just kinda been diving deeper and deeper into my Harry obsession (when am I not), but I'll get around to them at some point. Again I'm really sorry, school is just really stressing me out too, so I haven't been writing much at all, please don't stop requesting though<3

[wornoutmouse]

@midoriyaprofessionalslut

I can't even begin to describe the ask I received so I'm just going to leave screenshots😅😅

Also in the new mha season, I thought Tsu was being petty when she called Mineta Grape-Juice and Shoji Tentacle. But nope, those are their hero names.

Side note: I feel like when Mineta gets old and knows how to work his quirk better, he'll be able to control if they stick or not.

Slight racism, usual smut.

NOT PROOF READ SO LET ME KNOW IF U SEE SOMETHING

 If you imagine Mineta as in the picture above and with a mature voice, this is more enjoyable. Or you can imagine someone else entirely.. Cause even as someone who's tolerant to Mineta I can't imagine him getting any hoes much less smashing (at least not on top). It would be like watching a chiwawa top a mastiff. 

"This is some bullshit." You shuffle through various papers on your desk, each containing the receipts of Pro-Hero Grapejuice's celebratory purchases. Most of it was random appliances that could in no way be used on a day-to-day basis, but there were others….a shiver goes down your spine, there were others that were just downright perverted. "What even is a nub tickler?" 

Being an accountant was something you were good at, the numbers came easy and it was interesting to see the income and ways of business that different people in power displayed. Planning meetings and getting the occasional phone call made everything a breeze, but it wasn't what you wanted to do. Or in better words, this was not whom you wanted to work for. Even being number 6 causes the workload to be higher than should be physically possible in the hero world. That's one of the reasons you never gave praise to the rankings because no matter how low in the chain, a hero’s work is always taxing. 

Shifting in your seat you look at the analog clock on your desk. 3:45, you were supposed to come to work at 5:30 which means you once again have no time to sleep. Having these late nights had increased 10 fold whenever Mineta went up in rank even by a little. His way of celebrating was spending his money carelessly and leaving you to fix the balance. Though you supposed it may be your fault for never objecting when he barged in your office showing his trinkets as well as leaving his credit card.

"Yeah, it's time to go." You muttered as you read the words, "Dwarf Cow in the left lot of Wisconsin."

 The next hour, you take a detour from your office for the first time in months. Heading down the hall you watch the walls go from the pale greys to deep purple and violet splotches splattered along the wall before it inevitably melds into solid purple walls as you get closer to the front door of his office.

Hesitantly you knock on the door and wait until a muffled "Come in." Rings through the thick wood. The room itself was just as flamboyant as the walls leading to it. A beautiful fuchsia carpet on the floor made you realize that calling in your two weeks would have been better than walking into the Willy-Wonka factory that was this office. Various spherical decorations hung from the chandelier, and even something as simple as the legs of his desk was made up of crystal spheres.

The man himself sat perfectly balanced on a large purple ball most likely of his own creation, meanwhile, various children sat around him slipping and sliding on smaller balls in an attempt to copy him. "Ah, here is my beautiful assistant!" The compliment made you cringe as you fiddled with the end of the sleep-wrinkled white blouse you had worn for 2 days straight. "Can we talk sir? It is important." Mineta raised an eyebrow at your formal speech before shrugging. 

In an extravagant display of balance, Mineta does a handstand on the ball with one hand before flipping to the other side. "Well kids it's time for me to get done as a hero’s job is never over and blah blah blah the gift shop is giving out free plushies and you can keep your ball." The teacher does her best to usher out her students and the sound of childish screams resound down the hallway even though the door was shut. "How can I help you Y/n?" Mineta offers you his ball to sit on and you reluctantly take the offer as you grate in multiple directions in order to stay afloat. 

Mineta watches you with hidden interest as he interlocks his hands underneath his chin. "I didn't know you even knew my name?" Mineta Laughs exposing his annoyingly perfect teeth. It was hard to associate this face to the pictures you see when you search for his early years. "Of course I know your name, I stole your nameplate off your desk 2 months ago." Ah, so that's where it went  "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

You sighed, "I would like to put in my two weeks." Mineta goes slack-jawed before composing himself "Why?" Mineta looked at you earnestly, completely confused on why you'd want to abandon your post as his secretary- I mean assistant. "Working for you has become a hassle with your lack of financial maturity." Mineta mock shivers, "Oo big words, me no likey." Mineta hops onto his desk as if he weighed nothing more than paper and squats in front of you, "How about this, you don't quit and instead help me learn how to...how did you say it? Be financially mature." You lean back in your chair unconvinced that he was taking this seriously.

With the final nail ready to be hit, Mineta adds, "How about I give you a raise of 10 percent and a promotion?" You stand up in your chair with an eager grin, "That sounds great!" Mineta smirks to himself but you did not pay any mind to it. "Great, how about we discuss this over food, dinner date?" Your internal celebration screeches to a halt, " Dinner Date-" Mineta looks at you shocked, "Dinner date? Great idea, why didn't I think of it myself!?" A firm hand slides you towards the door as Mineta starts a complimentary speech giving you no room to object, "This is why I need you, you're so smart, I wish I was like you, tomorrow at 11?" You sputter trying to slip past his arms, "11 but I-?!" Mineta loudly gasps again, "There you go doing it again I'm so lucky to have you, tomorrow at 11 my treat!"

The door is shut in your face and the sound of the lock clicking seals your fate. What did you get into?

Cut to 4 years later and you are still not sure of that answer. Simply being bis accountant you had a glimpse of his perverted tendencies, but as his girlfriend, it was further exposed to depths you never could have found yourself imagining. You shuffle papers in the printing room as you do your best to ignore the faint tingling sensation in between your legs. Yet another whim you found yourself following on Mineta’s behalf despite the ever-present fear of being caught. The vibrator comes to life before going back down as quickly as it came. You toss a middle finger to the camera in the top corner of the room knowing he was watching.

"Miss L/n, can I ask you something?" You slap your arm down to your side in embarrassment. I hope he didn't see that.  Your coworker walks up to you holding a small stack of papers. "Yes, how can I help you?" The man shows you various forms as he talks, for once you were thankful for Mineta not embarrassing you in front of others. "Oh I see where you went wrong, this right here would be a 20% increase, not 18%." The man applauded you and graciously wrote down your explanation. "Thank you so much, my name is Kaminari by the way." 

"Ah hello, Kaminari, and no worries I'm always glad to help!" You turn back as your papers finally scan through but can't help notice Kaminari lingering. "Say Y/n?" You open your mouth to respond only to close it again as the vibratory comes back to life strongly. "Hmmm?!" Kaminari peers at you, your reaction was strange but he couldn't figure out why. "Um, never mind, have a nice day Miss. Y/n, maybe we can get together over coffee or something?” You shrug turning away from Kaminari in fear of your eyes rolling up. The man sways from foot to foot awkwardly before leaving the printing room. 

Snapping out of your personal flashback, you look over at your fiance signing autographs for his adoring and objectively feminine fan base. While it was extremely unnerving how unknowingly close they were to your home, you weren't resentful of their gushing.

Your engagement and your overall relationship had not been made public in fear of your personal life being exploited by paparazzi. That doesn't mean, however, the next thing you witness doesn't get your blood boiling.

A girl, no older than maybe 22 waltzes up to Mineta with the confidence of Muhammad Ali in a ring match. Her raven black hair fell flawlessly down her back with not a single split end. Almond eyes decorated with precise coal blink rapidly to draw attention to her seemingly natural eyelashes. With 4 inch wedges. a black halter top, and cuffed jean shorts, it was clear she was someone on a mission. She effortlessly pushes past the nearby fans as they stop to quack at her rivaling beauty. A smirk draws itself with her soft pink lips as she hears people muttering around and about her.

"Wow she's so pretty"

"They would look good together just look at them."

"Ugh, such an attention whore, not giving the rest of us a chance!"

"I bet a 20 she's his type."

"Is she famous?"

The chatter comes to a close as the girl hands Mineta a notebook, "Can you sign right here?" Mineta flips open the book and his eyes widen a fraction before he puts on his heroic voice, "Wow it looks like you got all of Japan's heroes in this book!" The girl smiles as she watches Mineta scratch his signature, "Don't be afraid to leave your number in there too Mr. Minoru." Mineta pauses at the statement for continuing his elaborate handwriting, "I don't think that would be very plus ultra of me so I'm gonna have to pass." Smug pride fills your chest as you watch the annoyance cross the girl's face.

Mineta finishes signing and hands her back her book, she, in turn, forces a small piece of paper in his hand before holding his chin and kissing him. At that moment nothing else mattered but beating that bitches ass as you yanked her black hair and dragged her to the ground. "This ain’t Wattpad bitch get your hands off of him!!" You turn to Mineta making him flinch with a sharp glare as you yank her hair again, hopefully pulling a few strands out. "You just gonna let her kiss you and not do anything!?" Mineta stretched his hands towards you cautiously, "Y/n calm down, if you would have given me a chance I would have settled it-" "No, settle it now!"

Your rage is diminished by the judgmental looks coming from the fans and you realize your brazen display was out of order.

"Who is she"

"I think she's the secretary l, so why is she so mad"

"Delusional just cause you're with him all the time doesn't mean you're together"

"I hope he fires her."

"This is why we shouldn't let them in Japan"

The girl whose hair you have in a chokehold stands up unbalanced before pushing your hands from her hair. Satisfied at the disheveled look of her previously perfect strands, you turn to walk back to Mineta, your anger having been sated, "Black Bitch." You turn around and go charging towards the girl again grinning when she flinches. Your rampage is stopped as Mineta wraps his arms around your waist and picks you up, "Sorry for the disturbance, we deeply apologize!"

It's almost comical how your mouth spews vulgarity that would make a sailor blush as Mineta drags you behind your apartment building. He ushers you through the back door leading to the washroom, "I can't believe she'd do that in front of me, and you let her!" Mineta shuts the door quietly, leaning his ear against it to listen out for any lingering fans. You sit on top of a washer still ranting as your blood cools down. "The nerve of some of these people is outrageous, even if she doesn't know about us that is still sexual harassment!"

Mineta doesn't look at you and instead peeks through the blinds lining the washroom windows. "I think they are gone, come on." The two of you sneak out the door and walk at a moderate speed all the way back to your front door. In hindsight, you knew that causing a scene like that was a bold move on your part. If anyone was recording the whole ordeal you knew Mineta’s name and possibly yours would be in the headlines by later this evening. 

As the last one entering, you lock the door behind you, forehead scrunched together with apprehension. "Mineta I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. I just saw her touching you and saw red." You face away from the door with an earnest look on your face. Mineta has a cheeky look on his face that can only mean trouble. Despite your similar slim build and height, Mineta easily corners you against the door. "I know exactly what got into you." Mineta’s pointer finger taps your nose. "Jealousy."

You sighed, putting your head down nodding, "Yeah, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just-" "shhh." Mineta lips your head back up with a hand under your chin. "It's fine Y/n. It's not like I expected a perfect little cocksleeve like you to be okay with sharing." You stare blinkingly at Mineta. 'Oh, he's in one of those moods huh?' As expected from such a fiend like Mineta, he was quite possibly hard the whole time he was watching you beat that girl's ass, and for some reason that irked you even more. “Mineta I’m being serious.” The words leaving your mouth did not phase Mineta, he holds your hips and pulls you close to him in order for you to feel his bulge. 

“Oh come on, after seeing you be so possessive for me, how can you not expect me to be a lil turned on?” Mineta’s hands circle your ass before slapping it, “Made me feel special.” Rolling your eyes you lean into the lingering kisses he begins to leave on your shoulder. His grip tightens as he shuffles you to the nearest surface. “Makes me feel all giddy inside to know that you do this only for me and no one else.” Minoru unbuttons your dress pants and removes your belt, “But doing that in front of all those people was stupid.” A shiver travels up your arms from the feeling of lips caressing your ear. Mineta dips his hand into your cotton panties and immediately draws attention to your clit.

“Look at me, Mineta Minoru with a girl like you that would fight for me. Who would have thought?” You ball your fists on the table, hanging your head low. “You’re not going to make this easy for me are you?” Mineta slips his other hand beneath your blouse to cup your breasts. Short l  rub down your slit collecting your slick. The feeling was warm and buzzing just underneath your skin, the bastard was well trained on how to slowly but surely bring your pleasure to its peak and hold you there. Your muscles begin to feel more and more like jelly, you sigh “Oh God..” Mineta pushed his body further on yours, rutting against your body. Up until now, his other hand was simply resting on your skin but once impatience overcame him, he used it to pull down your pants. 

“You know this will be in articles tomorrow right?” Two fingers curl inside of you making you squeal, “Y-Yes!” Something hard and slick smacks against your bare ass as Mineta removes the bottom half of his hero costume. “So how are you going to compensate me for what I’ll have to deal with tomorrow?” You turn your head to the back with a small pout on your face, “She shouldn’t have touched you.” Mineta coyly smiles before pressing your head down against the table. “You should have let me handle it.” 

Mineta was an average of 5 inches in length with conservative girth. But so far he’s been the only man that really added proof that size doesn’t matter. Mineta pulls away from you and leans down to riffle through his pants. You hear a crisp pop of a cap being opened and a slick splatter is heard afterward. A shaky breath leaves Mineta’s lips as he lubes his cock up. Penetrating is a struggle at first, the longer it takes for him to push it in the more both of you become frustrated until he finally pulls your waist back against himself. “S-So good!” The pleasure causes his childhood lisp to slip through as he waits for you to acclimate to the stretch. 

You shift your feet when Mineta refrains from moving. "Tsk, you really don't understand the meaning of patience do you?" Your hands suddenly become cool to the touch as Mineta covers them with medium sized spheres temporarily gluing you to the table. "Mineta this isn't fair! Please just a little bit to the left!" Now having you helpless Mineta puts one hand on your back while stroking the base of his cock. "It's not about being fair, it is about teaching a sneaky brat like you to know their place." Mineta begins to move but it's not right, he needs to go more to the left, "Mineta what are you even talking about!?!" 

A sigh leaves Mineta's lips, "Don't think I forgot about that slick shit you tried to pull with Kaminari." Mineta watches your ad shake and bounce everytime your hips meet. Your arms twitch and pull at themselves wanting to find purchase on the flat surface. Groans leave your lips as Mineta comes closer to hitting your spot,  "Slick shit?! Y-You're the one that wanted to do that stupid little piano in the first place!" You couldn't see it but Mineta had a deep seated glare on his face. He loops his fingers underneath his yellow scarf and rolls it around long ways. 

"I'm really tierd of your mouth. What you think because I let you beat that girl out their I'll let you beat me?" The middle of the scarf is put in your mouth and your head is pulled back by it. Mineta holds both ends of the scarf to slam into your cunt. "Just a greedy little bitch aren't you?" You scream into the cloth as Minetas cock finally hits your spot just right. The constant pulling on the corner of your mouth burned everytime the fabric rubbed against the sensitive flesh. Your feet rise to your toes in a fruitless attempt at getting a break from the pleasure. Mineta holds his scarf in one hand and pushes down your waist. "Didnt you want this? Don't run from it now."

Your pussy squelched around his cock the faster he went making you go cross eyed. "Fuck you feel so damn good.  The table rattled and scraped across the floor with every thrust. "oh fuck, I'm gonna cum!" Your nails scraped the table as you closed your fist, had you had claws it would have been a whole different story. You beared down on his cock, trying, begging to feel more inside of your walls as he moved faster. Suddenly your argument fel worth it.

Mineta knew many things about himself. He knew his birthday, he knew where he was in life, and he knew he had come 6 minutes ago and was bordering hysteria as he pumped his overestimated cock into your wet heat. Each drag made years collect in his eyes.  Tiny whimpers left his lips and his hands squeezed your sides harder and hard.  "So fucking warm. Squeezing down on my dick like that." 

He bowed his head and rested on your back,  kissing the sweaty skin as he pushed through the painful pleasure.  "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Mineta slaps your ass  before pulling out and shoving his fingers inside your pussy. "Cum for me, Y/n. That's it cum on my hands." Mineta's fingers were the only thing that never really grew on him. They were relatively short but thick so even three of them were able to stretch your hole the way you needed. 

"Y-Yes, right there shit!" Your cum drips down his arm soiling the fabric there as you squint around him, "That's it give it to me." Mineta buried his face in your pussy licking you clean like a man starved. It wasn't until you whined did he stop and pull his fingers out. 

Luckily for you, his spheres were just about coming close to their time constraint. You stand up rubbing your wrists and drinking some water Mineta brings you. A snort captures your attention and Mineta holds up his phone, "Not even an hour." Writing in thick bold words read. 

"Obsessive Secretary Snaps on Camera!"

You snort, "I'm the obsessive one huh?" It was going to be a long day tomorrow 

[munsonboy]

Do you have any headcanons abt a tiny begging Loki to go outside and explore and Loki keeps saying “no you’re too small something could happen.” So they never go outside anymore and stay with Loki until one day the tiny is really down and depressed and Loki finally allows them to go outside with him and the whole time he’s so worried something will happen to them (like he can’t even see them in the grass when he lets them walk on their own so he’s esp nervous then) but the tiny is just so happy to be outside and feel the sun on their face!

I know it’s kinda specific but I really enjoy reading this type of stuff

The amount of fluff that this concept has-...🥺🥺

Also, instead of head canons, I wrote a long story!😆Enjoy!😁❤️

______________________________________________

~Outside These Walls~

“Loki please! I don’t understand what the big deal is!”, you exclaimed as you sat cupped in the hands of the God of Mischief himself, Loki.

“My little dove, you know why I can’t let you leave the safety of my room”, said Loki. He saw that you were about to argue back with him, so he gently placed his fingertip over your mouth and quickly said, “The outside world is cruel. I am merely protecting you from it.” You pushed his finger off of your face, earning a chuckle out of Loki. He set you down on his shoulder, opening a book and reading aloud to you. He hoped it would distract your mind away from wanting to leave the safety that the indoors had to offer.

You sighed. ‘I’m never going to get through to him’, you thought as you tucked your knees close to your chest.

Ever since you were caught by Loki about 1 month ago, he has slowly been shying away from the idea of you going outside. He even didn’t like you climbing down the bookshelves that covered the walls in his room or his nightstand anymore!

Unbeknownst to Loki, however, you used to live outside a while before you made your way into the Avengers Tower! Climbing trees, sheltering underneath the petals of flowers so that you wouldn’t get hit by a raindrop as water poured from the sky, using sticks as a defense mechanism to protect yourself—-if only he knew the predicaments you’ve gotten yourself into in Central Park. You felt as if your independence was being eaten up slowly and you had no idea what to do about it. You felt powerless.

———— 4 days later ————

Loki had made his point clear by ending any conversation that you tried starting with him where you mentioned going outside. He was not about to make the biggest mistake of his life. How could he let someone as small as you wander out into the wilderness? That’s a death wish at best, not an enjoyable, well spent afternoon.

At the moment, Loki was sitting at his desk going through a few mission files the Avengers had planned for him. He would rather be doing anything else than sitting at this run down desk looking at what was going to ruin his schedule in the next couple of weeks.

Loki had tried to get you to help him, but, you kindly declined and took a seat up against the floor-to-ceiling window in the room. This hurt Loki’s feelings immensely. You had never been one to not want to hang out with Loki. In fact, he would consider you the most clingiest person he had ever met, especially after the first time he had caught you roaming around his room. You always wanted him around.

As Loki tried to focus on the files in front of him, he couldn’t help but get distracted and glance over at your spot on the floor. Ever since you had asked Loki to take you outside a few days ago and he had refused to take you outdoors, you seemed...off.

He had offered his hand for you to climb on last night so that he could read to you, but instead of the happy, little mortal he’s grown attached to, he saw this new personality that overtook your joy——a more depressed attitude that Loki had never seen come out of you before.

You normally would bounce up and down with joy whenever he wanted to pick you up, but lately you’ve been acting like a completely new person. Your usual mood that would always brighten up Loki’s miserable one was fading slightly, and Loki did not like it at all. He knew why you were acting this way, but he denied the thought and just came to terms with himself that you weren’t feeling well.

You were looking out the window, staring intently at what stood on the other side of the glass—Central Park. Oh how you wish you could just be outside again.

“Small one? Can you please step away from the window? I can’t bear to see you so close to the outdoors. You’re only separated from it by a 2 inch thick piece of glass”, stated Loki.

You couldn’t believe what you just heard.

“I can’t even look out of a window now?”, you asked. You expected him to answer your question right away, but he stayed silent. You couldn’t take this no longer. You stood up and marched your way over to his bed. After having some trouble getting to the top, you finally made it. You walked over towards the other side of the mattress, eyes locked on the desk beside it where Loki sat hunched over.

“Loki, are you seriously not gonna let me even look outside? You know I can’t stay inside for the rest of my life, right?”, you questioned.

“Well of course you can. You can stay inside where you’re safe with me”, he said like it was a fact. Were you really going to be stuck inside forever?

“W-Why won’t you let me go outside?”, you asked.

You were on the verge of breaking down into tears. You absolutely love Loki to death, You admire his mischievous ways, as well as the softer side you somehow manage to bring out of him, but with his recent possessiveness that he’s been showing towards you, you realized how worrisome it’s been getting.

Loki stayed silent, focusing on the files in front of him and biting his lip in order to prevent himself from responding. Y/n couldn’t hold back anymore.

“I need to go outside at some point in my life! Where do you think I used to live before I met you?”, she exclaimed.

“Child, you are to stay here, in my room, with me where you are safe. You will not utter a single word about the outdoors, understand?!”, yelled Loki.

Loki visibly saw you flinch and instantly felt guilty. Instead of fearing him, though, you decided to fight back.

“You were never this overprotective before. D-Do you not see my as your friend? I am just another mortal that you want to have full control over? Why do you keep me here locked up in your room like I’m some sort of pet?!”, she yelled.

“Because I can’t lose you!”, exclaimed Loki. He put his hands on top of his head and got up from his seat. He began to pace around the room. Irritation and frustration filling his mind with each step he took. He couldn’t believe that you thought of yourself as some caged up animal. You were his equal, his friend, family even! He never meant for you to feel that way.

“Forgive me, I-...I-I don’t know why-..I just-...”, Loki had trouble thinking about what he should say to you after his outburst. He had never yelled at you like that before, and right now, he felt awful.

You sensed the guilt that he was feeling because he couldn’t even bring himself to look at you.

“Loki—-please, calm down. Let’s just talk things through like we always do. Okay?”, asked Y/n calmly.

You had never witnessed Loki in a panicking state. You wished that you were his size so you could wrap your arms around him in a hug.

Loki’s pacing had slowed down. He came to a halt in the middle of the room.

“Loki?”

He turned his head towards you, causing you to gasp. His face was wet with tears. You gasped.

“P-Please don’t cry! Come here, Loki, please..”, you said. Seeing Loki cry started to get you emotional.

Loki walked over towards you and bent down in front of where you stood on his bed. He held his head up with his left hand, while the other rested on the mattress.

He looked down at you as you moved your way closer to him. The tears had come to stop, but you could see them forming in his eyes, ready to overflow and fall down his pale cheeks again.

Without thinking, you went over to his hand and hugged his finger tightly. Loki softly chuckled. He adores how you both have such a tight-knit friendship. He didn’t want anything to come in between that. Humans that are his size stay far away from him, yet, here you were, a small mortal that barely just reached the height of his thumb, comforting him.

He decided to share something with you—-something that he had never opened up about in front of another being before.

“The last time I was extremely close with someone, something horrible happened to them. That person was my mother-..”, Loki stopped dead in his sentence.

You looked up at Loki with astonishment written all over your face. Loki had talked about his mother a few times, but he never showed much emotion whenever he spoke about her.

“I um—-she and I were inseparable. Nothing ever stood between us and the love we had for each other. But-..”, Loki took a moment and exhaled deeply before continuing. “But I was the reason for her death. I had caused it. And ever since you and I had our first encounter, I—-I guess my protective side came out more stronger than I had anticipated it to.”

You had no idea what to say. Loki had never opened up so much to you and this honestly caught you off guard. Normally, you would be the one to cry on Loki’s shoulder, but now the tables have turned. You could see the tears rolling down his face, some even hitting the desk in front of you.

Loki needed someone to comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be okay. Whenever you were in this sort of state, Loki would just hold you close, whispering sweet nothings to you, and it always helped. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head. You knew exactly what to do now.

You walked around Loki’s hand and headed straight for his arm. You managed to get a grip on his leather armor that he wore and clambered your way to top of his arm. You glanced up at Loki.

He was staring at you now with tears glistening his eyes. They were red and looked swollen now, breaking your heart in two.

“L-Loki it’s okay! I-..”

Out of nowhere, you were gently scooped up by Loki’s hand and raised up. You closed your eyes, nervous if you had done something wrong. Suddenly, you were pressed against something firm and warm, but at the same time...soft. You cracked open your eyes and saw that Loki was pressing you against his cheek, his teary eyes closed.

This was new for you. You had never been this up close to Loki’s face. It was massive! You didn’t waste another second and quickly extended your arms out, trying your best to hug Loki back. Since you were pressed close to his cheek, you felt the muscles in Loki’s face move upwards. He was smiling from ear to ear.

As Loki began to break the makeshift hug, he began to speak.

“I cannot be the cause of you getting hurt—or worse. It will never happen under my watch. I shall make sure of it.”

He held you up to his eye level and gently ruffled your hair. He thought about if the next sentence he was about to say was a good idea or not. He sighed.

“I will take you outside, my dear”, said Loki, nervousness evident in his voice.

Your eyes widened. “R-Really?!”, you exclaimed. Loki simply nodded his head, a laugh escaping from him.

“Yes, but I will be keeping a close eye on you little one, alright?”, asked Loki.

You excitedly nodded your head yes and grabbed a hold of his finger to give him another hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!!”, you exclaimed.

To you, Loki looked happy, but deep down, he was panicking—-a lot.

————— A few minutes later —————

Loki was a nervous wreck as he walked through Central Park. He had safely tucked you away in his pocket as he strode along the pathway, trying to find a spot that was vacant and far away from the humans that were already there.

“Loki, when can I come out?”, you said as you poked your head out of his pocket. Your eyes widened at the sight of the outdoors——happiness and excitement filled you up.

“Very soon, my little dove. But for now-...”, Loki used his finger to gently push you back down into the safety of his pocket, and couldn’t help but smirk at how adorable your face looked when he did so. “...you must stay hidden. I do not want a single soul, besides myself, to see you.”

After what seemed like forever, Loki finally stumbled upon the perfect spot—-a tree with a bed of flowers planted in the grass beside it.

Loki walked up to the tree and sat down, resting his back up against the rough bark of the trunk. He sighed, knowing that you would be exposed to things ten times your size. Suddenly, the sound of your voice floated up towards Loki’s ears.

“Loki? I-Is the coast clear?”, you nervously asked. Loki was the only giant you had ever interacted with before. You hated that Loki knew how nervous you would get when other giants were around. To this day, Loki still feels bad about the time he attempted to introduce you to Thor. Tears fell down your cheeks, you clung to his shirt, and, as embarrassing as it sounds, you sobbed when Loki suggested that Thor should hold you.

After that incident with Thor, Loki made it his goal to keep you out of sight from the others that lived in the Avengers Tower. If the Avengers had ever found you and caused you to cry, he knows for a fact that he would go ballistic. No one makes his little friend cry.

“Don’t worry, Y/n. There is not one soul around us. I have made sure of it”, said Loki as he tenderly pinched your waist and hoisted you up and out of his pocket. He held you in his palm and allowed you to take in your surroundings for a moment.

“Loki..just look at it out here! It’s amazing!”, you said excitedly. The memories of the days you spent fending for yourself out here in the park all came flooding back to you.

“Can you put me down now Loki?, you said as you turned around to look at him. You jumped up and down in his hand as he held you. You could barely contain the excitement that you were feeling.

Loki gave you an uneasy look. Was this really a good idea? Had he thought this through?

When he saw the smile plastered on your face, however, he couldn’t burst your bubble and say no. You had been cooped up in the Tower now for how long. It was about time you got to experience nature again.

“Just be careful”, said Loki.

You nodded your head. “I will!”

A choppy sigh escaped his lips. “Promise?”, he asked as he brushed his finger tip over your tiny arm. He was scared to let you go.

You looked at him and smiled. “I promise, Loki. I’ll be okay.”

He paused for a moment. “Alright...I’ll take your word for it.” Loki lowered you down to the ground below.

You practically jumped off of his palm when it got close enough to the ground. You started to run around in the grass, laughing away. It was just about your height!

As Loki sat there against the tree, he took notice of how tense he became once you weren’t in his grip anymore. He thought he might’ve become paralyzed at just seeing how the grass reached your waist.

‘Calm down, she’s fine. She’s having fun and that is all that matters’, Loki thought to himself.

He watched you as you exhausted yourself. There were leaves and sticks all around, but what really caught your eye were the flowers that were next to the tree. Some of the flowers had fallen off of their stems. You, of course, made an appoint to go up to all of the flowers on the ground just to admire each one.

This is when you got an idea. You ran up to one of the fallen flowers—-a puffy-like golden one. A tiny part of the stem was sticking out from underneath it. ‘Perfect! I’ll be able to drag it over to Loki!’, you thought.

Even though you were having the time of your life, you did still feel bad about how this made Loki feel. He looked like he was about to start crying again when he put you down in the grass! You had decided to bring a flower over to him.

You grabbed a hold of the flower’s small stem and started pulling it over to where Loki was sitting. ‘This’ll cheer him up’, you thought.

Loki’s eyes never left you. He was highly confused as to why you were dragging a flower around, however, he didn’t question it and let you have your fun. But he noticed that you were bringing it over to him. ‘What is this tiny mortal up to?’ he questioned to himself.

“Hey Loki! Can you lay your hand down next to me so I could climb on it? I have a surprise for you!”, you said happily.

This caused Loki to smirk. “A surprise you say? I wonder what it could be”, he said as he chuckled. Loki did as you asked and offered you his palm.

You clambered onto his hand and pulled the flower up into the center of his palm.

Loki raised you up in front of his face and stared at you with curiosity.

“Surprise!”, you exclaimed with joy, throwing your arms in the air. Loki laughed as he looked at how out of breath you looked.

“You got this for me, Y/n?”, Loki asked. You nodded excitedly. “Thank you my little dove. I will cherish this with all my heart.”

You giggled at how formal Loki was being.

“I-I know we just got here not too long ago, but..can we head back to the tower now? I really want to listen to you read that book we started”, you said shyly. You hoped that he wouldn’t be upset with you since it was you who wanted to come to the park in the first place.

“Of course we can, small one”, Loki said. He gently brought you closer towards his chest and gently tilted his hand, causing you to slide into the empty pocket.

“Lets go home, Loki”, you said, snuggling deeper into the fabric all around you. As much as you loved being outside, you missed the quietness of Loki’s room.

Loki stood up to his towering height and began the journey back to the Tower. He could simply just teleport back to his room, but he wanted to admire the flower you had given him a little while longer. How would he have anytime to do that if he teleported? Walking would give him more time to appreciate the flower you gave him without the Avengers questioning where he had gotten it from.

He slowly stretched out the opening of his pocket and peaked down at you. He heard how your breathing had become steady and his ears picked up on the light snores coming from your sleeping form. You had fallen asleep in a matter of seconds.

He smiled as he closed the opening of the pocket to let you rest. Loki held the flower close to his chest as he walked home with you safely tucked away.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all”, Loki said quietly.

————————————————————————-

@rose7420 I am so sorry it took me so long to write this!🥺💗

I hope you liked it! ❤️❤️

[nicad13]

Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by: @retro-jupiter Aw, thanks!

Name: NiCad. She’s an unabashed self-insert Transformers character I wrote like, 25 years ago. Unlike most self-inserts, she’s clumsy, nerdy, non-charismatic, and had no romantic relationship in the story she appeared in.

Fandoms: Currently Mandalorian, but I started writing fanfic with Transformers back in 1996! I have a huge re-write of my old stuff I’ve been working on for years but haven’t touched since Mando grabbed me. I’ll circle back to it eventually.

Two-shot: I think my only one is Turning the Corner – an exploration of Din’s younger years, his not-so-enjoyable time with Xi’an, and the possible reasons he was able to get out of that situation.

Most popular multi-chapter: Crossroads. Post-season 1, Din runs in to a Jedi survivor of Order 66. The kid takes a liking to her. Din learns that armor isn’t the only thing that can protect them. Angst, adventure, intrigue, and found family shenanigans ensue.

Actual worst part of writing: I used to think it was the demons in my head that wouldn’t shut up about the stories they want to tell. Usually it was exhilarating, but sometimes it was annoying when I’d get distracted from work & other real-life things that needed my attention. Now I realize it’s when the demons get half-way through the story and then go silent. WHERE DID YOU GO WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS. I can coax them back out when I have long, uninterrupted stretches of time, but I don’t seem to get those very often.

How you choose your titles: I usually go for a few words that I think will grab the most attention and are still descriptive of the story. For the Crossroads chapter titles, I stuck with the format of that Mandalorian had for the episode titles: “The [Noun].” The exception was the last episode, which was simply “Redemption,” so I did the same with the last chapter: “Home.”

Do you outline: Not usually. My one-shots usually come in one short, intense burst, downloaded directly from the brain demons, so they don’t require one. For long, multi-chapter ones where I’m jumping around and not writing linearly, I’ll set up a timeline after a while so I have something quick to refer to and remind myself of what happens when. This (hopefully) keeps me from referring to things that haven’t happened yet by mistake, and also keeps things like X happened a few weeks ago during chapter 1, a few months ago during chapter 2, six months ago in chapter 3, etc. One thing I do try to be good about is getting to the computer as soon as I can when a snippet hits me so I can write it down. I don’t worry about where exactly in the story it should go – I just stick it in a file called “scraps” to start with just to preserve the idea. Sometimes it’ll live there for a while before I pluck it out and transplant it to its home in the story, sometimes it gets re-homed almost immediately. A few sit there and never find their way in, but maybe inspire different versions of themselves.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: I have some dim visions of Grogu as Mand’alore, leading the planet through centuries of peace and prosperity.

Callouts @ me: I’m not sure what this is asking, but a couple other answers I’ve seen seem to be philosophy about fanfic. So uh… write for yourself, primarily. Write to satisfy the voice in your head that won’t shut up until you record its words. If you want to write well, seek out advice from those who also write well, and be ready to learn from them. If you’re writing only to gain popularity, you’re writing for the wrong reason and will only be disappointed.

Best writing traits: I’d say I’m best at angst and other emotional darkness. I grew up consuming Stephen King at an inappropriately young age, and I think it shows. His memoir, On Writing, also has nice bits of writing advice. The two bits that struck me the most are 1 – write the first draft with the door closed (don’t think about what others will think about it), and 2 – adverbs are not your friend (i.e., “He placed the Darksaber on the table with great care” instead of “He carefully placed the Darksaber on the table”).

Spicy tangential opinion: I have some… complex opinions about reader-insert fics that I’m not sure I’m able to outline without pissing people off. Like, I have no moral objection to them and they make lots of folks happy and that’s fine. Some of them work reallywell when they focus on the reader’s emotions and experiences. In the context of Mandalorian fanfic, that can serve to make Din even more mysterious – using a restricted POV is a great tool to get us in on the challenge of figuring out such a walled-off and inaccessible character. The ones that violate that and go second-person omniscient POV – that somehow the reader knows everything that others think of them and everything that’s going on just… confuse me. I can kinda forgive it in the current era of a deadly airborne infectious disease pandemic when dating IRL has come to a screeching halt, so I understand the need to substitute for that. Otherwise, go third-person POV and develop the original character.

The one social objection I have to reader-insert fics is when they come at the cost of strong female characters, particularly characters of color, LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, people with disabilities, or otherwise under-represented folks. Reader-inserts are designed to be as generic as possible so that anyone can slip their skins on and off, and they read like a lot of lost opportunities when it comes to representation. And forget about passing the Bechdel test if you don’t even have a name for your own character. We need to challenge ourselves and (gasp) have two women characters who have names and who talk to each other about something other than men and babies. I can count the number of Mandalorian fanfic authors I’ve read that pass this on one hand. (I know there are more, but y’all can take a decent guess about the ratio.) We can do better.

No pressure tagging: Oh, I'm so bad at this and I have no idea who's already done it. Here goes nothing. @hauntedfalcon @bethagain @fanfoolishness

[jokers-of-the-impractical]

Brian Quinn Mini Series “Don’t You Remember?” Part 1 of 3

(A/N: Woohoo! Part 1 is here! All three parts of this mini series are based on Adele songs, the titles of these songs will also serve as the title of the chapter. Also trigger warning: some swearing, minor counts of abuse, and miscarriage. Enjoy!)

Word count: 3000ish?

As I took one last look in the mirror and smoothed my hair down. I embraced in seeing my reflection in the mirror, it has been so long since I had looked anywhere close to decent, let alone actually dressing up with my hair, nails, and makeup done for an event. I sharply let out a deep breath that I didn’t know I was holding in and reminded myself to have an amazing time tonight. I was walked out of my bathroom and into my bedroom I looked around to see all the progress I had recently made in the past month or so. My bedroom was no longer littered with empty food containers, dirty clothes everywhere, and most importantly I was no longer a wreck that was either huddled up on the floor curled into a ball, only moving to my bed, the kitchen, or the bathroom. Remembering the last year and the hell I had endure I never thought I would be okay again. I stopped the thoughts that were pooling in my head, tonight was about me and my life, I was not gonna spend any more time thinking about my stupid ex boyfriend and havoc he wreaked on my life. Besides tonight I was going to see the celebrity that I wanted to be my boyfriend in real life so that made me beyond thrilled. I was taken out of my day-dream by the sound of my phone notifying me that my Uber was a minute away,  I gave my cat a few pets and a kiss on the head before I got in my Uber and began my journey to the venue.

As I was dropped outside of the venue I saw the giant sign lighting up with the four friendly faces that were the event. Sal, Murr, Joe, and Q all with the biggest smiles with tonight’s date in big letters. I could barely contain my excitement as I got in line. I smoothed my black jumpsuit and waited eagerly to get inside. I looked around to see what other people chose to wear and I was nervous. A lot of people came in t-shirts and shorts and there I stood with my hair curled, with a cat-eye and deep red lipstick, dark painted nails, and in a skin-tight black jumpsuit with a sheer netting top with two lace appliques on the chest with a nude camisole layered underneath, it was topped off with my favorite opal halo ring, stud earrings, my nose ring, and finally my black vans. I decided to heck with it! I love this outfit and that is all that matters. Soon, I got up to the front of the line got my ticket scanned and went inside to find my seat. Not long after sitting and waiting the stage lights lowered and the venue erupted with screams and applause as the Jokers entered the stage.

 The show was a blast! It was filled with so much silliness and laughter, and meshed into an enjoyable blur as I found myself exiting the venue and waiting near their tour bus. I had done this so many times after concerts that I hoped that maybe I’d get to at least see them up close in person. While I waited with the ten or so other people that had the same idea. I chatted with the roadies and other various crew that were outside, just because they weren’t famous didn’t mean they were any less cool, so I talked them about cool stories from tours they’ve done and any other topics that came up. After standing out there for what felt like hours, the jokers came out of the venue and the other people pushed and shoved past me trying to get photos and autographs from the guys. I was beyond star-struck to see the four guys who unknowingly gotten me through so much recently that I froze in place. I felt my hand slip into my bag and clutch on the envelope I had in there. I was in awe seeing them like a few feet in front of me. But I also realized when everyone else pushed past me I was now at the back of the line. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to see them not through a TV screen but part of me hoped that I would be able to give Q the letter I wrote him in person. Seeing how after his horrible love life he was still able to find joy and bring it to others as well inspired me and played a huge part in helping me get over the nasty breakup I went through with my ex Dean. I stayed at the back listening to them talking to the fans and answering questions and debated leaving seeing as there was no way I was going to get to talk to Q. As I was about to turn around and leave Sal spoke up,

“Hey what about you back there standing all by your lonesome?” I looked around, surely he couldn’t be talking to me. “Yeah you! In the black jumpsuit.” Oh my God, he is talking to me. He motioned me to come over, and had the group of fans make a path for me. I gently shuffled to face the Jokers, I could barely breathe and I was practically shaking with excitement. There before were the Impractical Jokers. I took a brief moment and glanced at each one of them, Q last of course because he had always been my favorite. When I looked at his facial expression, I couldn’t quite place it. I had never seen him make that face on the show before.

“What’s your name?” Joe asked.

“I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you guys.”

“Hey Y/N! It’s nice to meet you too, is there anything we can do for you? A picture, an autograph?” Murr asked with his bright smile never fading

“I mean I would love a picture, but I don’t want to keep you guys too long. I mean I’m traveling to your show tomorrow night too, so it’s not a big deal or anything.” I saw Sal nudge Q once or twice on the arm before Joe finally spoke up. “Oh of course! Don’t worry you’re not taking up too much time or anything we love you guys!” I beamed a ginormous smile when he said that and asked one of the other fans to take a photo of all four of us and thanked them as they handed me my phone back. Now, I knew it was now or never that I had to give Q the letter so I piped up again.

“There is one more thing! If that’s okay?” I know they had just said it was, but I still wanted to check. Now, Joe tapped on Q. Huh, he was really shy in person, he didn’t speak a single word since I’ve been up here.

Sal smiled and was the one to answer this time, “Heck yeah, what can we do for ya Miss Y/N?” As soon he asked, he looked back at Q and I heard a small exasperated sigh.

My hands got shaky again as I reached into my purse and pulled out the letter sealed in an envelope and addressed to Q. “Um here, Q. I have this letter I wrote you and I was hoping to give it to you in person.” As soon as I said his name Q’s eyes darted to mine. He took it from and paused for a second. The whole world seemed to be silent in that moment.

Finally I heard Brian Quinn speak, “is it okay with you if I read it now, like not out loud or anything. I just want you to be here when I read it.” I felt a blush rise to my cheeks, never did I think I would be standing in front of Brian Quinn as he read my story about my horrible ex boyfriend who broke my heart and left me during some the of worst parts of my life to be faced alone. Just a year ago I was sure I was gonna marry Dean, that he was it. But instead he chose to flirt with my best friend, cheat on me, and claimed I was lying when I told I was pregnant after I got fed up and left him. He still thought I was lying when I told him the stress he caused me resulted in a miscarriage. Through the whole breakup (and most of the relationship too) Dean had me convinced that everything that happened was my fault and I should have been grateful to have him be willing to date me in the first place. The only thing that got me out of a year long slum of sadness and heartache for the Dean I used to know and the child I had lost was watching Impractical Jokers, they were the people that taught me to smile and laugh again. Because of them I went back to work teaching elementary school and finding happiness and joy in the little things. I nodded my head to Q that he could read it now. Before them, I used to look back at the relationship begging Dean to remember why he loved me before, but they helped me realize I deserved more.

I watched him open the envelope, take out the multipage letter and begin to read it. I could tell when he was getting into all the gory details of my breakup by the way his face showed sadness, and then anger. The guys kept watching him, trying to figure out what was going on in the letter. Finally, as he was getting to the end I saw a small smile on his face. He put the letter back in the envelope and said in a shy voice, “could hang around for a few minutes after everyone else has left? I wanna talk to you about this, but I also wanna make sure everyone gets their photos and stuff.”

“Sure, I could do that.” I let a giggle. After everyone else left, the first thing Q did was hug me. My brain was on fire! My celebrity crush was hugging me? AHH!! OMG YES! It was no measly hug either, it was a giant bear hug, he enveloped me and we stayed like that for a few moments. Finally we pulled away.

“Hey, if this isn’t too forward, what are you doing right now?”

“Umm. Nothing? I was just gonna go home, get ready for tomorrow’s show and go to bed.”

“Would you like to get some food with us? I know a really good 24-hour diner that we’ve gone to when we’ve toured here before.” Okay this had to be a dream, or you hit your head on your ceiling of Uber and are hallucinating right now. There was no way this was happening!

“I would love that!” And with that you and the guys piled into a sleek black SUV and made your way to the restaurant.

 On the way there you heard Sal mutter to Joe and Murr, “Geeze this guy practically can’t speak to her cause he thinks she’s so pretty, and now he’s inviting her out to food not 5 minutes later. What is up with him!” Joe and Murr exchanged glances and giggled. They both knew what this feeling was, it was what Joe felt with Bessy and Murr with Melyssa. Wait, he thinks I’m pretty? At the diner, you enjoyed the company of all the guys, with your permission Q divulged into the contents of the letter. By the time it was over Sal was hugging you and practically bawling, Murr was in shock and didn’t know what to say, and Joe was ready to hunt Dean down and kill him. You insisted you were okay and asked to spend the rest of the evening focusing on happy stuff. When it was time to go, Q had you put your phone number in his phone and he did the same with yours. As you were about to order an Uber to take you back home, Q grabbed your hand.

“This might sound crazy... But since you’re a teacher you don’t work tomorrow right?”

“Tomorrow is Saturday so no I do not have work tomorrow.”

“Awesome, so why don’t you come with us on the tour bus to the show tomorrow? It’s so far from here I would hate to think of the travel time it would take you tomorrow.” That really threw you off guard. Brain Quinn wants me to go with him and his buddies on their tour bus, overnight? The other guys chimed in and agreed with him. You thought it over for a moment, ya know what? Why not! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!

“Sure! I’m down!” They all cheered but then a groan left my lips. “Shoot, but what am I gonna wear? What about the smeared makeup I’ll wake up with?”

“Don’t worry we’ll get that taken care of, Bessy and Melyssa are coming tomorrow so I’m sure they can grab some yoga pants and makeup remover on the way. And plus we have tons of merch shirts so you could take one!” Wow, he really thought of everything didn’t he. 

-THE NEXT EVENING-

Bessy and Melyssa were super sweet! Sure enough they came with makeup wipes and some really cute yoga pants that went really well with the tour shirt. I was invited to watch backstage with them and I happily agreed. As the guys were about to go on-stage I heard Sal, Murr, and Joe whispering about some prank punishment they were going to pull on Q at the end of the show. Occasionally, they’d look over at me and then go back to plotting so quietly I couldn’t hear them. Again tonight the show was amazing and funny! These guys just had such amazing chemistry with the audience and each other. Finally it was the end of the show when Joe piped up.

“Before we end for the night, we have a surprise addition to this performance, don’t we boys?” He looked over at Murr and Sal, Q looked around confused.

“Oh that’s right Joseph!” exclaimed Sal, “We have something special planned. And for this, I’m gonna need my buddy Q to go stand in the middle of the stage alone.” Q looked over the guys still wondering what was going on, then he briefly looked at me and then made his way to the middle of the stage.

Murr spoke next, “Joe, Sal, and I thought it would be fun to do an impromptu live punishment on Q. Does that sound good?” Q groaned and the whole crowd cheered. A live punishment how cool! I wondered what they have in mind.

But as soon as Sal started explaining the punishment I tired to put the pieces together. “Ya see,” Sal began, “Very recently Q has become friends with a girl that he finds very very pretty.” Q’s eyes went wide and the crowd continued to scream.

Murr continued “Yup! Just last night, after she fell asleep he could not stop going on about how he thinks he fell in love at first sight, and then after spending hours talking to her, he knew he was sure!” Huh? Did he meet someone else last night? Huh I’m not surprised he’s a chick magnet and amazing.

Joe followed “So we’re gonna need her to come out here right now to do this punishment. Come on out Y/N!” My jaw dropped. Brain thought I was pretty and thought it was love at first sight yesterday! Before I knew what was happening Bessy and Melyssa were leading me to the middle of the stage. Where I was placed right next to Q and the crowd went wild.

The boys asked in unison, “Q are you ready for your punishment?” He looked at me with a shy smile, gulped and then nodded his head. “ASK Y/N ON A DATE!!!” they screamed at the top of their lungs. The noise of the audience was now deafening. Joe came over and handed Q a mic. Then Brain turned to face me, his cheeks the brightest color of red.

“Uh,” he started out. “Hi Y/N.” I was then handed a mic too by Murr.

“Hi.” He leaned in and took a closer look at my face.

“Wait this is you without makeup?” He motioned to my face as he asked.

I nodded my head “yup.”

“Wow, you’re even more beautiful than yesterday. So uhh. Would you like to go on a date with me?” I didn’t even say anything I just turned and hugged him, and kissed him on the cheek. The guys started cheering with everyone else.

Sal said one last time “Okay, so maybe that wasn’t a punishment for Q, but it definitely was for Y/N!” with a laugh “We are the Tenderloins from Impractical Jokers have a good night everyone!” With that we all walked off stage. My mind was racing, Dean who? A year ago I was begging him to remember me, but now I was begging for him to forget me as soon as possible, because the Brian Quinn and I had a date to look forward to.

(A/N: If you read this far, thank you! I know it was LONG. Feedback is always appreciated :) )

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 72: Ring Road

Chapters: 72/?

Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: T

Relationships: Loki x Reader

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent),

Summary:  A funeral for a giant.

You woke up to the gentle alarm sounded by Loki's magic. You were warm, and comfortable, and...mildly sore, but not too bad.

Oh, right.

Loki was curled protectively around you, snuggled up so close, he was like a second blanket. The sun had not risen yet, but that didn't mean much at this time of year. The sun was rising later and later, setting earlier and earlier. Winter was close.

You rolled over in his arms to face him, but he was already awake, gazing adoringly at you.

“You're still here.” He murmured.

“Of course. Did you think I wouldn't be?”

“I'd hoped you would.”

“Hey. Hey.” You cupped his cheek. “I'm not going anywhere, okay?”

He helped you dress, sensual and loving touch smoothing the wrinkles in your clothes, then shared a light breakfast with you. He'd had you start sitting under a special lamp once the days had started shortening; this was common for humans in Iceland, he said. To maintain health. So you had a portable one you could take with you most places-to lessons with Saga, to his rooms, even to the council rooms and throne room, so you could have simulated sunlight wherever you went.

“It makes you radiant.” He said.

“I wonder what people here did before these were invented?”

“Suffered, probably.”

You ate, bathed in light.

“Loki...”

“You have questions. I anticipated this. I do not know why I am so small compared to other Jotun, but I do know that I was born this way. I was not expected to survive, and so I was left to die in a special place, as part of a Jotun ritual.”

“That...sounds awful.”

“It is their way. In a way, Odin taking me with him was a final insult to their very culture. But it allowed me to survive.”

“Why can I touch you like this, but not like that?”

“This isn't an illusion. I am more than just an illusionist, I am a shapeshifter. You can touch me in this form, because it's real. When I am in Asgardian shape, I truly am Asgardian.”

He held out his milky hand, and you caressed his palm.

“Everybody else knows, don't they?” You asked.

Loki nodded. “Once I found out, I knew everyone else would eventually. I wanted to control the method of the revelation, so I...well I wrote a play.”

“A play? You can write too? Is there anything you can't do?”

Loki flushed. “A few things.” He admitted bashfully.

“I want to see it!”

“Not yet! I mean, we don't have facilities, or actors. We don't have the time. But someday, yes.” He seemed nervous. Maybe he was embarrassed about it. He never said it was a good play, after all.

“Loki, if you're Asgardian when you shapeshift into one, then why worry about being a Frost Giant to begin with? You can be anything, and it's real.” You asked.

“Humans are highly mutable.” Loki explained. “Your cultures move and change quickly. Even those whose identity goes back thousands of years will find that not all of their customs are exactly the same as they were. It's kind of admirable, actually.

But Asgard moves much more slowly. The war between the Frost Giants and Asgard is over, except that it isn't. It's barely been a single generation since then. Thor was born in the middle of that war; I was born at the end. It is within recent memory. I was raised around people who had fought, people who had lost loved ones. I was raised on the residual hate. It became a part of me.

Maybe that would be all I was grappling with, if I had known from the start. Maybe I would have had time to come to terms, to grow a thicker skin. But the centuries of lies on top of that; the man who raised me watching that prejudice grow in me and not bothering to do anything about it, as if he thought a lie could ever last forever with me around.”

“But it did, didn't it? Almost forever. Did you ever question?”

“Yes and no. I knew something was wrong, but I dismissed it. Ignored it. I didn't want to look into it.”

“The only person who can lie to you is you, huh?”

“Oh, stop being so insightful, will you?” Loki scowled.

“Sorry, can't. It's my job.”

                                                                        ******

Two days later, you were on the road again.

This was a funeral procession. You, Loki, and Thor, as well as ten einherjar and six masons, two cooks, and the Asgardian equivalent of a priest.

And, of course, the giant.

He had been tightly and carefully wrapped, almost like a huge mummy, to keep his head in place, and make him safe for transport and handling. He had been placed in a wooden cart, which would act also as his coffin. He had been veiled, and most of his possessions placed in the cart with him, along with what the Asgardians considered peace offerings. Honor, even towards an enemy, was a matter of common practice. After all, if one sent an opponent to Valhalla, it wouldn't do to leave them angry with one upon one's own entry.

And so a helmet had been placed with him, and a nice blanket, a pickax, a basket of wheat, and a pan flute. You had left him a book, but you wondered if that was any good as a gift. After all, a thousand years ago, your language hadn't existed in the form you knew. Saga had shown you what Old English looked like, and you hadn't even recognized it. It had made you feel strange and small.

Was it an appropriate gift? A book he couldn't understand? Or was it the thought that counted?

“We don't really do grave goods where I'm from.” You'd told Loki. “I don't really know what to give.”

“What do you value?” He'd asked. “If it means something to you, it should be fine.”

And so it had to be a book. Old stories of Americana-Mark Twain, and Maya Angelou, and Edgar Allen Poe. Little chunks of your culture over time, and from different perspectives. You hoped if he could read it in that big black hole in the sky, that he found some enjoyment from it.

You, however, were finding very little enjoyment on this trip. Not only was it violently cold, but the wind was a cruel whip that lashed at you until Loki draped his heavy cloak over your head, creating a tent. That kept the wind out, but also completely blocked your vision, forcing you to let him guide Acorn, instead of you.

Though Acorn was a sturdy and stalwart little thing, born and bred on the frigid Icelandic landscape, she was distressed by the Frost Giant in his cart. To keep her calm, Loki moved the two of you forward, closer to him, but that just increased your frustration.

You wanted to be close to Loki, and he clearly wanted to be too, but there was no time, no opportunity. You were frozen out on the road, and this was a funeral procession. There was propriety to observe.

From under Loki's cloak, you could not see any of the beautiful landscape around you, and while you were enveloped in his comforting scent, the cloak also blocked out what little sun the island got at that time of year. For the entire four day trip, you saw little light, other than the evening cooking fires when the procession set up camp.

Then, with the tents set up as a windbreak, and dinner cooking over the fire, you were able to look up as the crystal clear sky, scattered with diamonds and flowing ribbons of color.

You'd never seen the auroras before this, but you could see how people became enchanted by their otherworldly aura.

“It's like the Bifrost, isn't it?” You said to Loki, who was staring up into the night just like you were. He was tucked up close to the fire with you, stealing the only moments of intimacy the two of you could find. “Is that what they saw, way back when? A way to reach the gods? How many ways did people interpret this, if they didn't know the science behind it?”

“Knowing the science doesn't necessarily remove the magic, now does it?” Loki said. “We know how lightning and thunder works. We know what causes it. We know that men should not be able to command it, and yet...”

“Is it magic?” You asked, staring at the swirling colors.

“Perhaps.” Loki said. “Of a kind.”

There wasn't even any privacy to be had in the tents; they were large group affairs, meant to house several people each, with little dividers hanging between them. The best you could get was wriggling your hand under the divider to hold Loki's, but the cold permeated just enough that you couldn't do it for long. You eventually had to hunker down into your thick, fluffy sleeping bag until only your nose and mouth were exposed to the open air.

You dressed yourself in the mornings in very heavy, but much less elaborate clothing than usual. Loki had insisted that you wear some of your armor on the trip, your breastplate and helmet, just in case there were any opportunistic enemies out in the countryside.

“When you are writhing in my arms,” He had whispered into your ear. “I don't want it to be from pain.”

On Acorn's back, under Loki's cloak, you tried to come up with an appropriate blessing for the dead giant.

What could you say? You still felt some kind of responsibility. You hadn't tried to deescalate the situation. You hadn't tried to talk to the giant. Hadn't tried to calm him down, or warn him. Just threatened him, antagonized him, distracted him.

But the kids...He had already killed several people, injured Kolla right in front of you, and was threatening the children...

What would you have done, if you knew nothing about Frost Giants? If Asgardian prejudice had not been taught to you?

Screamed a lot and gotten squished probably.

Would it be insulting to the giant's spirit to beg forgiveness or show remorse? To consider his death a terrible accident that could have been averted? Would a warrior want words like that?

The funeral procession had traveled back to Akureyri to get onto the Ring Road, a highway that circled the entire island in a single, unbroken stretch of asphalt. It was much easier to navigate than cross country would have been, but went a little out of the way as well, taking you along the northern part of the island, when your destination was in the east.

It seemed they had drawn a lot of attention as well. There weren't many tourists at this time of year, only the most hardcore of explorers, but the Icelanders themselves used the road regularly. Every now and then you peeked out from under Loki's cloak to see an ever-changing entourage of people; on horses, in small cars or buses, all waving and calling out, either questions or encouragement, you weren't familiar enough with Icelandic to tell.

Loki and Thor took it well, chatting with people who were brave and careful enough to approach. Some of them expressed what you thought was probably fear or shock at the dead giant, but more reacted with curiosity.

That was the general reaction Icelanders had to Asgardians. Iceland was a Christian country, but not quite in the way that America was. The vast majority of Icelanders that you saw showed no hostility toward Asgard, even though they represented a major religious crisis. It was very different from the fractious contention Asgard generated back home. You definitely preferred this.

How long, you began to wonder, until you weren't American anymore? Was it possible, as an adult, to absorb enough culture from another land, that it made you something other than what you'd grown up as? Or would you always be a foreigner; exotic, but accepted?

The long road split off towards the eastern interior of the island, before reaching Rekjavik, leading you even further away from civilization, and into the wilderness. But Okjokull was a depressing reminder that civilization had reached out into the wilderness, and touched even the most remote of places.

Okjokull, or rather, just Ok now, had once been a glacier, covering an extinct shield volcano. Now, the volcano and the glacier were both extinct. Under Loki's cloak, you had studied on your phone, looking up pictures of the glacier back in the nineteen-eighties, when it covered the whole area. But now, the horses hooves ground the gravel of the exposed landscape; a barren area, with only a few scattered chunks of ice, here and there. Over the course of one human lifetime, the whole thing had disappeared.

It disturbed you. Icelanders certainly believed in climate change. They'd seen this happen. They'd held a funeral. And here you were for another one.

The masons fell into building, directing the einherjar. After getting permission from the government, Thor estimated it would take no more than a day and a half of hard work to build a decent barrow for the giant, whose decaying body might-might-help to rebuild the glacier.

If not, his presence here might become just another tourist destination, another relic of the islands past.

You watched them dig out a large hole, deep enough to roll the cart into, and cover it halfway. Then they began packing in the larger stones, building a large mound that would hold up under it's own weight. Next came a low wall, surrounding the entire grave at a distance of about ten feet, to indicate that this was no natural formation, and lastly, a bronze plaque, set into a large stone at the front of the fence, declaring what this was, and urging caution when approaching.

Thor had been correct; the entire thing was finished before nightfall on the second day. The entire entourage gathered as the priest said a simple farewell to the giant, and everyone present murmured their own blessings before releasing a glowing, golden orb of magic into the sky.

“If we meet in another life, I hope to learn your name.” You had said, while beside you, you had heard Loki mumble: “Rest. We will take care of them.”

Snow had begun to fall; fluffy white flakes sticking to everything. You wondered if it would get high enough to bury the barrow, as you were hustled off to sit on Acorn's warm back, wrapped up in Loki's cloak once more. Everyone packed up in a huge hurry: Thor told you that the procession needed to get back to the Ring Road quickly, before the smaller, country roads that led to Ok were snowed over. The Asgardians feared that if they got snowed in, you would be in danger of freezing, but the Ring Road was kept clear.

Once back on the open road, you peeked out from under the thick tent of Loki's fine cloak and gazed out over the wide countryside. Far in the distance, to the west, you could just barely see a dome of faint light that must have been Reykjavik. Loki had said he would take you there on the tour of the island he promised you this spring. But for now, this was as close as you would get.

It amazed you to think that you could traverse an entire country by horse so easily. Your old home just went on and on and on, forever and ever. It seemed no matter how many miles you traveled, there was always another mile of Iowa to go. Here, there was a single road that went all the way around. The country was self contained, surrounded on all sides by powerful and mysterious oceans.

A small flush of terror washed over you once again, at re-realizing how isolated and far away from everything familiar you really were. Floating in the frigid North Atlantic on a giant volcano, in the care of aliens. Participating in the funeral of a giant. Riding home on a horse, to hopefully fall right into bed with your divine, royal boyfriend.

Who even were you now?

[pillow-anime-talk]

my anime crush.

synopsis: As an anime fan, you have your favorite 2D boy. At the same time, your own boyfriend is jealous of him. LMAO.

# tags: scenarios; current relationships; romance; comedy; fluff; boys as attention whores; maybe spoilers??; sfw

includes: female reader ft. shoto todoroki, izuku midoriya, katsuki bakugo, denki kaminari & eijirou kirishima {bnha}

— SHOTO (ft. Roy Mustang)

shobby; Hello, Y/N. Would you like to come on a date with me? 

You looked at the phone and the message from your boyfriend, then at your laptop screen and sighed.

you; I’m sorry, love. I have a date with Mustang today. We can go tomorrow <3 Love u.

You answered quickly, then turned off the phone and resumed watching the next episode of ‘Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood’. There was a lot of your favorite character at this arc, so unfortunately you couldn’t stop watching it right now! ‘Sorry, baby!’

Todoroki, on the other hand, had been staring at his smartphone’s screen for two or three... or maybe four minutes, probably not catching your joke about your alleged date with a non-existent 2D character. Only after long thought he decide to go to your room in the dorm.

Shoto expected everything; that you will be getting ready for a mentioned date, that you’re drunk or something, that you will cry while devising a plan to break up with him... but he certainly didn’t expect that you will lie on the bed hugging a large and fluffy dakimakura with the anime character’s face and body.

“Y/N?”

You glanced to the side, pausing the anime episode, and raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Hi?”

“What are you doing?”

“I have a date. I wrote it, remember?” You laughed softly as you sat on the bed. “You want to join?” You asked, but seeing his surprised expression, you decided to explain it. “I just watch anime, Sho. It’s a inside joke that you ‘go on a date’ with your favorite character when you just watch your favorite title. And my favorite character is Roy Mustang! Come here, please and watch it with me.”

After a short while, you played a few seconds of the anime for your boyfriend, and he raised his left eyebrow.

“Why you like this ‘Roy Mustang’ if you have me? Plus, my power is much better and I don’t need gloves to activate my quirk.”

You looking in shock at the boy, then blushed hardly. A moment later you grabbed his hand and pulled him to you, hugging him. 

‘I guess, I just like hot guys Shoto-kun.’ You thought, still hugging Todoroki.

— IZUKU (ft. Genos)

“Y/N why do you like this Robot-Man more than me?” Izuku pouted so you looked at him in big surprise. For a moment you didn’t know what the young High School student was talking about, but after the next few seconds you realized he meant your favorite 2D boy – Genos.

“I never said I liked him more than you, baby.” You laughed softly as you looked again at the black and white page of the manga, which showed the changing pictures and the fight of your favorite hero with the huge scolopendre-like monster.

“B-But... You keep reading about him, you have him on your wallpaper, you have his photos on wall, and you even cry to him while watching anime. Not to mention that you’ve watched this title about eighteen times already...! You love him more than me! I’m so sad, Y/N-chan!”

You raised your left eyebrow, laughing softly, looking at the book again and then closing it with a little, colorful bookmark. Of course, the bookmark with the image of Genos. Lmao.

“Izu-kun... No offence, but you know that well – all your room is in All Might’s things; bedding, mugs, pens, carpet and posters. When we kiss there, I can feel his smile and eyes on me. All. The. Time.” You said honestly, causing his pouty cheeks to flush after a short while, like two huge red ripe apples from an orchard.

“Yeah... B-But...”

“Anyway, I like this manga also because the main character looks like you. He also beats the villains with one punch! You should read this with me... I think you will like it, baby.”

This one, simple sentence was enough to interest Midoriya, who was (yeah, let’s face it) obsessed with physically strong characters/heroes/people.

Unfortunately, after a short time you turned your boyfriend into a monster who started buying various ‘One Punch Man’ stuff... Mr. Yagi Toshinori had a competition from now. Lol.

— KATSUKI (ft. Tobio Kageyama)

“Stop watching this shit and go out on a date with me.”

“Leave me alone! They’re playing an important game with Shiratorizawa Academy right now! I can’t, I just can’t! I have to support my favorite team!” You squeaked as your boyfriend pulls your leg and tries to pull you out of the safe ‘nest’ on the bed. “Katsuki! LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU BASTARD.”

“Shitty woman, let’s go on a date.”

“Piss off, let me spend time with my beautiful volleyball players! I missed them.” You almost cry holding onto the wooden bed frame while kicking your boyfriend in the face. “Let me finish watching the game and we’ll go on that date. I promise. I PROMISE.” You add quietly, looking at the screen again.

Bakugo snorted loudly, finally sitting down on your white carpet and leaning back against the bed. Then he took out his phone to browse his social media, but shortly afterwards he speaks back again. His raspy voice was irritated.

“I just don’t understand why you like that anime and that black-haired idiot so much... Like, I’m better in every fucking way.”

“Don’t offend Kageyama, you stupid ass.” You growled, poking him with your foot. “I like him because he’s so handsome and cute. He’s tall, he can play volleyball, he has beautiful, blue eyes...” You started exchanging softly, blushing, which made your boyfriend mad.

After a moment was heard a sound of a laptop hatch closing loudly in the room.

“KATSUKI, YOU SON OF A BITCH. I HATE YOU.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway. We’re going on a date. Now.”

— DENKI (ft. Takumi Usui)

“CJSDDKJDKVIDOLVDFK!” 

The blonde boy looked at you with a very scared expression on his face. When he saw the tears in your shiny eyes and the blush on your both cheeks, he approached you, asking if you were all right.

“Nothing’s alright, Denki!” You screamed out, stopping the episode of ‘Kaichou wa Maid-sama!’ and then looking back at your still worried boyfriend. “Usui kissed Misaki. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’M SO JEALOUS!” You squealed as you grabbed your warm forehead. “I’d like to kiss him too!” You added, causing the fear on his face to turn into surprise and confusion.

“Baby, I... Huh?”

“I would like to be a character in this anime. Life is hard, Denki. Life is painful.” You sighed, glancing at the colorful screen again.

After a while, however, you felt a warm touch on your hand, and then a gentle tug of your body towards the blonde’s chest. You looked at him questioningly, but before you could ask what he was doing, your man pulled you even closer, finally kissing your sweet lips. The kiss was gentle, slow and sweet; it was that kind you liked mostly and personally.

When you pulled away from Kaminari, he smiled at you, tucking unruly strands from your head behind one of your reddy ears.

“You may not live in the same anime as Usui, but at least you live next to me. It’s nice, isn’t it, Y/N?”

Your cheeks flushed even more than a few minutes ago, when you watched the last episode of your favorite title with interest. So you nodded gently. “That’s very nice, thank you, cutie.”

— EIJIROU (ft. Light Yagami)

“Y/N, why do you like this bad and nasty man so much?” Kirishima looked at you, and you paused the third episode, looking at him with amusement in your both, bright eyes.

“He’s not bad at all. He does justice as he sees fit.” You ate some popcorn and the boy pouted. “Hm? What’s wrong, baby?”

“I just don’t understand why you like this anime so much... There are much more enjoyable series! Honey, please, let’s watch ‘Pokémon’ or something where good and love wins. Pretty please.”

“But, you know that I don’t like this kind of anime or manga. I prefer what I’m watching now, Eiji-kun.”

“Yes, but you know it by heart!” He said reproachfully, and you shrugged your shoulders again. Kirishima gave up for a few more moments, watching your cute face, which with each second of the episode turned to an expression of admiration and big as heck stress. It was kind of cute in his own eyes, but still... Why did you like someone who killed others so much! After all, you were supposed to be a pro-hero, not someone who kills people for your own judgment and fun. 

Out of the corner of your eye, of course, you could see your red-haired boy’s wrinkled face, so you tapped his warm hand and smiled softly as you looked at him.

“Umm... If you want you can hug me, baby. It’ll definitely be nicer to watch all these murders. I guess.” You whispered, to which the High School student laughed out loud and immediately executed your soft words.

Eijiro cuddled up against your thighs, and your hand automatically combed his soft, red hair, which weren’t now styled with a hair gel or gum.

‘Well.’ If, while watching the actions of the evil-like Light, Kirishima could hug you and kiss your hands, he may turn a blind eye to Kira’s awful behavior.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-10-31

THE SPOOKTOBER SPOOKD8 IS HERE!  Time to blog it and hope to the lord of bones that it heavily features the 12-foot Home Depot Skeleton!  Continuing from last time.

Will John remember that he should be off protecting the other kids from running off?  Or will he search for Vrissy finally, now that he’s spent a literal DAY staring at his house burning down?

> (==>)

This is the last Blood tie with your childhood and the past you were clinging to like a man-child, finally cut.  Your psyche is no longer allowed to be....

....Housetrapped.

Now get your Breathy ass over to your more adult responsibilities.  Or do something as irresponsible as usual, but more forward focused and thus singularly impressive.

> (==>)

I LITERALLY GASPED

I knew I was a fatally addicted Homestuck fanboy despite the trauma but I didn’t know I was THAT much of a just-over-thirty-year-old fanboy, I literally GASPED out loud.  To finally have the joy and confidence for the future that comes with JOHN and KARKAT together IN PERSON and interacting with a common goal.

What a dramatic, perfect shot.  This IS Karkat right?  That’s what the visuals and my heart and soul said

> (==>)

THEY’RE CLOSE FRIENDS

CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THAT

KARKAT HAS COME SO FAR

Karkat and John conversations are some of the strongest in Homestuck, I ship them as FRIENDS so hard

It brings to mind something I mentioned in the Breath, Blood, and the Flow of Reality explanation/theorypost, which was holy shit SEVEN YEARS AGO wow

I didn’t always understand the appeal of John as a character, ranking him in the middle of my liked characters list. But after a while, I suddenly noticed how enjoyable he was for the things his conversations did to others, making his pesterlogs some of the most enjoyable to read. I wrote the following two years ago, in a character rankings thread, back when we knew jack shit about the import of classes and roles:

“I didn’t really see why I should think John was such an amazing character until I realized his consistent effect on the other party. He’s goofy and doesn’t really understand anything, but he understands just enough about his friends and others to make cutting, hilarious, almost unintentional insights that can change people for the better, even if he’s off the mark. It’s not what he says himself, but what he brings about in others that makes him so great to read. I mean, if you wall him off from everyone else… he kind of fails.

That’s why I take issue with the complaint of protagonist syndrome, here. John is very little by himself, but enhances all the characters around him immensely. Imagine if John were doomed to stay the least powerful and/or game-advancing of the kids and trolls combined; notice how little that would do to the story, or his beneficial role in it.”

John cut himself off from EVERYONE for YEARS in the Candy timeline.  He tried to be close to people and just ended up distancing himself from it.  He tried to keep himself tied down by his old home and memories of the version of Dad he lost, and all sorts of childish stuff.  But that tie is cut, and the bonds he’s forged need to be grasped to bring him out to exercise his maturity, because Breath is futile without real BLOOD.

> (==>)

Awesome shot.

KARKAT: ROUGH DAY, HUH.

(that was supposed to skip to 2:26 when you click but I couldnt embed it that way -- I haven’t metal geared i just seen clips and super best friends & know some memes)

So many scars.  I used to even ship Jane and Karkat a little so they could just be aghast together at everyone’s shenanigans and level criticism at them together, but to think Jane’s fought and hurt Karkat THIS much...

(And yeah, his blood color is shown through his eyes now at this age, that’s correct.)

> (==>)

Oh my fucking god, going from that to Sprite mode that abruptly.  XD

This is great.

JOHN: karkat? JOHN: what are you doing here? KARKAT: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.

Hah, SO close that Karkat’s immediately critical of NOT being greeted warmly.  :)

JOHN: this isn't a battlefield, it's just... KARKAT: THE OBLITERATED, SMOLDERING HUSK OF YOUR FORMER HOME. JOHN: well, yeah. KARKAT: WHICH WAS DESTROYED AS COLLATERAL IN AN ONGOING MILITARY CONFLICT. JOHN: oh all right, fine. JOHN: it just feels weird to call it that. JOHN: i guess i'm used to thinking of home as somewhere far away from all that war stuff.

Yeah John, the burning down from a bomb that was meant for you and ALL of your friends’ children is supposed to shatter you out of that illusion.

I’d continue criticizing, but Karkat’s about to do it for me:

KARKAT: JESUS *CHRIST* JOHN. KARKAT: I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO LIST ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH THAT CONSTITUTES A SHORT-SIGHTED AND PUKE-WORTHILY IGNORANT THING TO SAY TO ME, PERSONALLY. KARKAT: AND FRANKLY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BOTHER, THANKS TO THE COUNTLESS FIRES I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OUT ALL DAY, THE ONE PRESENTLY CONSUMING YOUR HIVE NOTWITHSTANDING. KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS GO A BIT MORE SMOOTHLY? JUST A FRACTION? KARKAT: IF YOU HADN'T JUST DECIDED TO WANDER OFF THE INSTANT SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat. JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed. JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.

A BIT DISTRACTED.  You empty-headed irresponsible guardian.

KARKAT: NOT WANTING TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS A PROBLEM THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WERE UNIQUELY AND MAGICALLY EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH. JOHN: huh? KARKAT: YOU KNOW. KARKAT: WITH YOUR SHOOSH THING. JOHN: my shoosh thing. KARKAT: YOUR SHOOSH THING. KARKAT: THE GUSTY NONSENSE? THE GIFT OF GAS?? KARKAT: YOUR SBURB ALLOCATED BLOW JOB??? JOHN: uh. KARKAT: THE SUPERNATURAL COMMUNION YOU HAVE WITH ALL THINGS WINDY, YOU ASS!! JOHN: oh right, that. JOHN: that would have let me put the fire out, maybe. JOHN: i don't think there's anything in my skillset that would have unexploded my house though. KARKAT: THAT'S FAIR.

Mhmm.  Many of the characters in Candy AND Meat are currently in a situation where due to either years of unpractice in a worshipful society that discourages it by fueling their insecurities or inability to due to confinement in a years-long space trip has caused them to AVOID using their powers for the main beginning stretch of our new story.  People have complained about them outright “forgetting” to use their powers, and they’re right, to an extent, but it’s story-justified.  They’re almost all physically or psychologically prevented from doing so!  But those walls are coming down, starting now.  They’re going to come back into their own.  And we’re bound to see a LOT MORE of these literal Gods using their abilities to shape the fabric of reality as the story progresses.

JOHN: i suppose i'll add one more notch to the daily tally of crazy stuff that happened which i just have to accept as my life now.

It was all already happening, you just refused TO accept it until now.

JOHN: so... JOHN: what else happened while i was caught up watching the symbolic representation of my former life get consumed in a giant fire ball? KARKAT: OH BOY. WHERE TO START. KARKAT: SO FIRST OFF, IN HINDSIGHT, TODAY WAS PRETTY OBVIOUSLY JUST ONE HUGE BAITED TRAP. KARKAT: I SAY "IN HINDSIGHT", BUT FORTUNATELY IT WAS ALSO EXTREMELY APPARENT EVEN IN FORESIGHT TO THOSE OF US WHO SPENT A FEW SECONDS THINKING ABOUT IT. JOHN: ...right. KARKAT: OH COME ON EGBERT, SERIOUSLY? KARKAT: KIDNAPPING A PERSON OF IMPORTANCE, ONLY TO LET US KNOW PRECISELY WHERE AND ON WHAT OCCASION THEY WOULD BE MOST ACCESSIBLE FOR A RESCUE ATTEMPT? KARKAT: HAVING THAT OCCASION BE NONE OTHER THAN THE CORPSE PARTY OF A HIGHLY NOTEWORTHY POLITICAL FIGURE, WHOSE CASKET MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HAD A GIANT "KICK ME" SIGN DAUBED ON IT? KARKAT: THERE WAS BASICALLY NO WAY IT WASN'T A FRONT FOR SOMETHING HUGE. AND IT WAS! KARKAT: WE HAPPEN TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF ONE FACET OF THAT HUGENESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

Wait.  Oh, God.

Someone brought up the possibility that Gamzee might still be revivable by Jane, and I speculated that she’s deliberately CHOOSING not to because she actually doesn’t like him that much or has some semblance of fucking sense left in her.

But what if she PLANNED to have a public funeral for him, and then revive him SOON AFTER to turn him into a Christ-like resurrecting figure?  D:

JOHN: well, when you put it like that... JOHN: i guess we all got pranked pretty hard, huh. KARKAT: THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY NERD PRANKS JOHN. KARKAT: FRANKLY I'M INSULTED THAT YOU THINK SUCH A WORD IS EVEN REMOTELY APPOSITE TO THE PRESENT SITUATION. KARKAT: OTHER THAN TO DESCRIBE THE WAY I AM PERSONALLY BEING "PRANKED" BY REALITY IN HAVING TO EXPLAIN ALL THIS TO YOU.

Pretty much.  Get serious, John, actual people are dying by the--

--oh right, he was like this through the apocalypse and death of everyone on Earth.

I guess this is in character.  Paradox Space made sure to choose someone empty-headed and disconnected from reality enough to withstand this shit easily.  He really is a Breath player.

KARKAT: IT TURNS OUT THAT WE DIDN'T NEED TO PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THE RESCUING YIFFY PART OF THE OPERATION. KARKAT: SHE BASICALLY RESCUED HERSELF WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE. KARKAT: AND TOOK CARE OF KICKING GAMZEE'S CORPSEBOX OVER WHILE SHE WAS AT IT, IN A STUNNING DISPLAY OF EFFICIENCY WHICH THE REST OF US CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO.

Excellent, yeah.

JOHN: it sounds like she'd be a pretty welcome addition to your ranks then. KARKAT: SHE'S A CHILD, YOU MORON.

Yeah, you’re fucking grown up now, John.  Stop thinking of the kids as the ones who have to rise up when the adults aren’t all doomed or dead.

KARKAT: THE VRISKAS, PLURAL. JOHN: shit. KARKAT: THEY'VE BOTH BEEN CAPTURED. JOHN: shiiiiiiiit. KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: GREAT WORK KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM, BY THE WAY! KARKAT: YOU LITERALLY HAD ONLY ONE JOB, AND YOU MESSED IT UP IN THE EQUALLY SINGULAR WAY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DO. JOHN: urgh, i know, i know. ):

At least he messed that part up while he was TRYING to watch them, and not when he wandered off and watched his house burn for a whole day instead of protecting the remaining kids.

KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN. KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE. KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Leave it to Karkat to point out the blatant absurdity of Homestuck’s nonsense in any given situation.

JOHN: wait. JOHN: wait a minute. JOHN: you said that both vriskas have been captured, right? KARKAT: EXCUSE ME WHILE I WEEP FOR JOY AT THE REVELATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION FOR ONCE. JOHN: okay, well putting that emotional outburst aside for a moment. JOHN: how is that even possible? JOHN: doesn't vriska, the original vriska, still have her magic alien mind control powers? JOHN: it seems like it should be basically impossible for anyone to kidnap her. KARKAT: YOU'VE STUMBLED ASS BACKWARDS ACROSS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT OF THIS UNFORTUNATE DEVELOPMENT.

...Is Karkat going to put two and two together and realize that Vriska must have been intentionally captured of her own free will for some sort of ploy?

KARKAT: YOU ARE CORRECT, IN THAT WITH HER CASTE-TYPICAL, *COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC AND NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT MAGICAL* PSYCHOMANIPULATIVE ABILITIES, STAYING OUT OF CROCKER'S REACH SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY TRIVIAL FOR SERKET PRIME. KARKAT: EVEN ACCOUNTING FOR THE FACT THAT SAID ABILITIES ARE NOT NEARLY AS POTENT ON HUMANS AS THEY ARE ON FELLOW TROLLS, THEY STILL OUGHT TO HAVE TIPPED ANY ALTERCATION SQUARELY IN HER FAVOR. KARKAT: BUT SOMEHOW, IT DIDN'T! KARKAT: INSTEAD, THINGS APPEAR TO HAVE GONE GLOBES UP IN CLASSIC VRISKITE FASHION, AND NOW ONE OF THE MOST UNEXPECTED AND UNWANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS USEFUL WEAPONS IN OUR ARSENAL IS DOING TIME IN CROCKERJAIL. KARKAT: THAT'S ABOUT ALL WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO GLEAN FROM TAPPING INTO THE BATTERBITCH AIRWAVES, WHICH IS A FANCY TERM FOR EAVESDROPPING ON THOSE OF HER AGENTS WHO TALK A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY IN SEMI-PUBLIC SPACES. JOHN: jeez. JOHN: i really screwed that up, didn't i.

Guh.  I guess Karkat is underestimating Vriska a bit or just assuming the worst out of a habit of assuming the worst of everything.  (Or, if he has his suspicions, he’s not telling John.)

KARKAT: HAVING SAID ALL OF THAT, AND WITH THE RECOGNITION THAT I AM CHOOSING TO NURSE YOUR BRUISED FEELINGS DURING A PLANET WIDE CONFLICT FOR THE FATE OF MY SPECIES, KARKAT: IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO EXPEDITE YOUR GETTING THE FUCK OVER IT? JOHN: i... hm.

Yeah, use your shoosh-paps from Karkat wisely, John.  You needed them.

JOHN: i don't really know? JOHN: this all feels wrong, karkat. JOHN: no offense, but when you're around, it's usually a lot... KARKAT: A LOT WHAT? JOHN: a lot funnier. KARKAT: FUNNIER. JOHN: how to put this. JOHN: normally listening to you go on and on about how much we've fucked everything up is just very funny! JOHN: but now it's just not the same. JOHN: maybe it's part of what's going on with this entire reality? i don't know. JOHN: once upon a time i would have put down your ability to pull a silly rant out of your butt as a fundamental law of physics or something. JOHN: remember back when we first knew each other? JOHN: it felt like all you ever said to me was how much you thought i was screwing up and being a useless asshole. JOHN: and once i realized that you were also just a dumb kid who didn't know what was going on, i started to kind of enjoy it. JOHN: but now it's like... the only one who's still a dumb kid is me, and everyone else has something big and important going on that i just don't understand.

Mhmm, Karkat has every reason to be mad.  And everything really, REALLY close to you that you care about is in danger from the very things he’s mad about.  Karkat is RIGHT for once with every angry seemingly-exaggerated-but-not word, and that’s throwing you.

JOHN: i thought that i finally got what was going on with this whole war and everything. i wanted to be useful! JOHN: i guess i got a little too wrapped up in the feeling of something finally happening again. JOHN: and then watching it all blow up in my face, kind of literally now that i think about it...

...you think maybe something that happens to be A WAR is actually a big farking deal that you should be serious about??

JOHN: it's hard not to feel even more dejected about the situation than i was before. JOHN: and now even the patented karkat vant rant has lost all its sparkle.

IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

JOHN: maybe if you had like, painstakingly itemized a list of all the things wrong with my plan in a comically overdone fashion or something. KARKAT: I CONSIDERED IT, BUT HONESTLY THERE WAS SO MUCH WRONG THAT I CONCLUDED THAT THE BEST THING FOR EVERYONE WOULD BE TO NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN. JOHN: oh. okay.

Heheh.

KARKAT: IF WE'RE BEING HONEST, YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A PLAN, JOHN. KARKAT: CALLING IT A PLAN WOULD IMPLY THAT IT WAS A STRUCTURED SEQUENCE OF STEPS DESIGNED TO ACHIEVE A GOAL. KARKAT: WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH WAS A CONVOLUTED MESS WHICH STILL SOMEHOW INVOLVED DOING FUCKALL. KARKAT: AND I USE CONVOLUTED HERE IN THE SAME WAY THAT I WOULD TO DESCRIBE THE FRENZIED DRAWSTICK SCRIBBLES OF A SQUALLING HUMAN INFANT.

All Breath and no Blood?  All concept and influence and ephemeral accomplishments and no physical impact or results?

Karkat has been fighting this whole time with physical results in mind.  He NEEDS to tie that ephemeral shit down, and once added to his plan, once Breath sweeps the tide of actual sentiment of people, inspires them, you have an actual victory in reach instead of just more attrition.

KARKAT: I APPRECIATE THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE DUG YOUR PAN OUT OF YOUR OWN CHUTE THE FEW MICROMETERS NECESSARY TO NOTICE THE PRECISE DEGREE TO WHICH THE WORLD IS BEING JUDICIOUSLY BATFUCKED RIGHT NOW.

Really need to dig yourself out more than that, John, yeah.

KARKAT: AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE, THAT'S A FEAT WHICH NO SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DOING!

(Which is why your plan of attack needs more Breath!)

KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. KARKAT: THE NEXT TIME YOU GET THE IMPULSE TO "LEND A HAND", YOU'D BE BETTER OFF CANNING IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LISTENING TO THOSE OF US WHO'VE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE IT A LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE. KARKAT: THIS ISN'T AN EXERCISE BEING CONDUCTED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO PROVE YOUR PERSONAL DEGREE OF MORAL RECTITUDE. KARKAT: AND IF IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY FAILED MISERABLY! SO DO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE A FAVOR AND STOP TREATING IT LIKE ONE. JOHN: well... all right. if you say so karkat.

Phew.  Let’s hope he takes Karkat’s gift of a worldbound, arms-in-the-dirt sense of responsibility (Blood) and runs with it.

KARKAT: I DO SAY SO, EMPHATICALLY AND AT GREAT VOLUME. KARKAT: AND NOW THAT MY OBLIGATION TO CATECHIZE YOU ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR OWN LIFE IS FULFILLED, I HAVE A WAR TO GET BACK TO. JOHN: wait, hold on. KARKAT: OH MY GOD WHAT NOW.

--is it gonna be a hug?

> (==>)

JOHN.  Put it together.

JOHN: you can't be leaving already. JOHN: there's... so much we still need to talk about!

No, not that!!

...well, yes, I’m all for more of you two talking but.  This ain’t just about you two.

KARKAT: WHAT MORE COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE FOR US TO DISCUSS?? KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. JOHN: no, that's not what i'm talking about at all. JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*! KARKAT: ABOUT ME? JOHN: yes. KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*? JOHN: about you. KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME. JOHN: well... JOHN: you know, how you feel! KARKAT: HOW I FEEL. JOHN: or just... JOHN: argh, i don't know!

This was more of an intervention than a feelings jam, John.  I’m not sure John’s in the condition right now to Breathily inspire Karkat somehow and help his war with an idea and drive he didn’t have before -- like he SHOULD eventually -- but I suppose we’re about to see.

JOHN: it's just been so long since we've seen each other. JOHN: all sorts of things have happened in that time, and it doesn't feel right to just not even mention any of it! KARKAT: LIKE WHAT?? JOHN: oh, i don't know karkat, literally anything! JOHN: i mean, look at you. JOHN: you are decked out in a tight body suit and have an eyepatch and everything. there is simply no way there isn't something to discuss there.

You talked with him plenty while NOT in person, though.

> (==>)

Such MOOD.  What a good image.

JOHN: or like, forget the eyepatch, we don't have to talk about the eyepatch. JOHN: i feel as though my point still stands? JOHN: there is basically a bottomless well full of stuff to go through. JOHN: i mean we kind of glossed over it when you brought her up earlier, but what about yiffy? JOHN: this might not come across so easily due to human troll cultural boundaries, but her existing is kind of a big deal?? JOHN: i feel like somehow i missed the part where we all sit around and talk about how strange it is that two of our friends went off and had a secret child without any of us knowing! JOHN: is it too much to ask that we have that part now, karkat?

That’s fair.  And they DO need to talk about it!  But this is sort of like in the Game -- there’s important shit to do, and not a whole lot of time to do it.  You’re going to do a lot of talking, but you won’t be able to do all you want with certain people separated from you by the circumstances of how this war is dividing your responsibilities.

JOHN: i mean, maybe it just doesn't mean that much to you. KARKAT: JOHN. JOHN: which is a little strange, given that it ties in to the whole conflict that you had with jade and dave. JOHN: oh god we have to talk about dave. KARKAT: JOHN. KARKAT: FUCKING HELL! KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: no, this is what i mean, karkat. JOHN: we need to talk about dave! KARKAT: HAHA! LIKE SHIT WE DO!! KARKAT: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW THIS IS EVEN A RELEVANT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. JOHN: oh come on. JOHN: there's no way you aren't feeling kind of messed up about him, right?

THIS is fair.  Karkat does need to talk about this with somebody.  Whether John is the right somebody... I guess he is where Dave is concerned.  And he has to talk to Jade eventually, too.

JOHN: i know i am. JOHN: whenever i think about how things ended between you two... JOHN: especially now that he's... JOHN: ugh, i'm sorry. i'm SO sorry karkat. sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. JOHN: this whole thing feels so impossibly sad. JOHN: all i'm trying to say is... JOHN: it's not healthy to bottle these feelings up and not acknowledge them. JOHN: even if you aren't feeling anything right now, and i don't for a moment believe that's true, *i* need to talk about dave! JOHN: so can we please just talk about dave for a moment. KARKAT: NNNNGNGNGGGGGGGUUUUUUGUUGHHHHHHHH FINE.

It’s difficult to live in a Daveless world.

KARKAT: IF IT WILL GET YOU TO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS TOPIC FOR EVEN A BRIEF MOMENT, THEN FINE. KARKAT: REGARDLESS OF HOW POINTLESS AN EXERCISE I CONSIDER IT TO BE, I WILL DISCUSS WITH YOU MY "FEELINGS" ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: okay. JOHN: thank you. KARKAT: ARE YOU PREPARED TO BE INUNDATED WITH NONE OTHER THAN AN UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA VIS A VIS MY SWEEPS-SUPPRESSED, BISCUITFELT EMOTIONS ON THE DAVE SITUATION?? KARKAT: WELL HERE GOES.

--it’s not gonna be short, or cut away, is it?  --actually it could just switch to a very sad sunset-like vista of the two sitting there, and one poignant line from him followed by a long, hanging pause.

> (==>)

KARKAT: *DEEP BREATH*

A giant expletive isn’t it.

The best sendoff you could give him.

> (==>)

Holy shit.  It really IS a rant!

KARKAT: YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT DAVE? KARKAT: HOW I FEEL IS THAT I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME ABOUT HIM!!! KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO HE AND JADE GOT HUMAN MARRIED!! BIG DEAL!!! KARKAT: DO PEOPLE FORGET THAT I WAS THERE?? I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS FORGETTING THAT I WAS LITERALLY INVITED TO THE OCCASION. KARKAT: I'VE EVEN COME TO EXPECT THIS KIND OF AMNESIAC BEHAVIOR FROM EVERYONE ELSE, SINCE I ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T EXACTLY STICK AROUND OR ACTUALLY SHOW MY FACE FOR MOST OF THE ORDEAL, BUT YOU EGBERT SHOULD HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE! JOHN: wait, karkat, that's not what i KARKAT: SO YEAH! THAT WHOLE THING HAPPENED, AND I CAME TO TERMS WITH WHATEVER THERE WAS TO COME TO TERMS WITH, WHICH WAS FUCKING *NOTHING*, AND THEN I GOT ON WITH THE ACTUAL IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF TRYING TO PREVENT THE WORLD FROM CRUMBLING! KARKAT: WHICH, NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, IS *STILL FUCKING HAPPENING*! KARKAT: I AM UTTERLY APPALLED THAT THIS IS AN INFO MORSEL I KEEP HAVING TO SPOONFEED DOWN YOUR WINDCHUTE EVERY FIVE SECONDS, JOHN, I REALLY AM. KARKAT: I MEAN HOLY SHIT, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS! KARKAT: AND ONE THING I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE IRONCLAD CERTAINTY IS THAT IF DAVE WERE HERE, HE WOULD SAY THE SAME THING!!

Okay he dealt with it by keeping his hands in the dirt working on hard-fighting responsibilities, yeah, as a Blood player might.  But the way he’s ranting about it seems a little-

KARKAT: SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE *IS* DAVE?? JOHN: um. KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE IF ANYONE COULD HAVE PREVENTED TODAY FROM DEVOLVING INTO A HEADLESS CLUSTERFUCK, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN... OKAY, MAYBE NOT HIM, BUT AT LEAST HE MIGHT HAVE HELPED DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSIVE FUGUE A LITTLE SOONER! JOHN: (oh shit.)

Oh SHIT

> (==>)

Oh no... oh no, they’re BOTH about to let it out together.

They’re gonna have to cry it out.  Finally, onscreen.  THIS is why they weren’t showing us, why they were saving it.  It felt so awkward at the time but it’s because it has to culminate in these two, some of the closest to Dave since CHILDHOOD, get to show us the effect on everyone in a microcosm.

KARKAT: NOT ONLY THAT, BUT MAYBE WITH BOTH OF US HERE WE COULD HAVE DISPENSED WITH THIS ENTIRE SORRY TOPIC ONCE AND FOR ALL, IF ONLY FOR YOUR BENEFIT! KARKAT: OH HI DAVE, JOHN SEEMS TO BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE UNSPOKEN HISTORY BETWEEN US IS OF SUFFICIENT IMPORT THAT WE NEED TO HASH IT OUT THIS VERY SECOND IN FRONT OF THE BLASTED REMAINS OF HIS HOME! KARKAT: yo karkat that does seem to be a strange thing for my best friend john to be concerned about given that he has spent the past five years wallowing in the depths of deepest divorce fever KARKAT: and especially since jade and i have meanwhile been working as part of your resistance with no complaints, but sure, we can brofist each other and arrange our limbs in an unambiguously platonic way KARKAT: a way which is also flawlessly calculated to communicate to everyone present that here are two guys who are totally and unequivocally over each other JOHN: (oh god. you don't...)

Talk about John’s comment about Karkat’s rants not being hilarious in a situation.  THIS situation really tugs it out of them.  :(

KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA DAVE, AND WITH THAT MAYBE THAT WAY WE CAN WASH OUR TOUCH STUMPS OF THIS WHOLE ORDEAL AND NEVER HAVE TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN! KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, JOHN? KARKAT: WOULD THAT SATISFY YOUR CRAVING FOR CATHARSIS ON THE SUBJECT OF DAVE?? KARKAT: WELL WHY DON'T WE TRY IT THEN. KARKAT: IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU CALL DAVE AND GET HIM OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! JOHN: (oh my god...)

> (==>)

These visuals are ON POINT.  This entire sequence since Karkat showed up is masterfully done.

KARKAT: MAYBE WE SHOULD GET JADE TO COME AS WELL! JOHN: ): KARKAT: FUCK, WHY NOT INVITE FUCKING EVERYONE!!! KARKAT: WHY NOT PRESS "PAUSE" ON THE RACE WAR FOR A MOMENT AND HAVE ONE HUGE FEELINGS JAM LAWNMEAL WHERE WE ALL PUBLICLY EXPATIATE OUR VARIOUS CONVOLUTED EMOTIONS. KARKAT: FORGET PEACE TALKS, GET FUCKING *CROCKER* TO COME! KARKAT: MAYBE THE SIGHT OF A DAVEKAT RECONCILIATION IS THE SECRET KEY TO UNLOCKING THE PART OF HER BRAIN THAT STOPS HER FROM BEING A GENOCIDAL RACIST BITCH!!! KARKAT: HOW COULD WE HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN SO BLIND!!!!!! KARKAT: IF GAMZEE WASN'T DEAD, YOU COULD HAVE INVITED HIM AS WELL! KARKAT: HAHAHA, THAT'S OKAY, WE STILL HAVE A VERITABLE MENAGERIE OF PEOPLE WE KNOW WHO AREN'T DEAD. JOHN: ))))): KARKAT: ALL OF WHOM I AM SURE WILL BE SIMPLY DELIGHTED TO ATTEND WHAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN EARTH C'S BULLSHIT HISTORY. KARKAT: IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES, EGBERT, THEN I AM PREPARED TO DO IT! KARKAT: DON'T THINK THAT I WON'T!! KARKAT: IF JUST FOR AN *INSTANT* IT WILL GET EVERYONE OFF MY CASE ABOUT THIS, I WILL STAND UP WITH DAVE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE ***FUCKING WORLD*** AND SOLEMNLY VOW THAT I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!!!! JOHN: KARKAT!!!!

That last bit with John.  I can HEAR the rawness in his voice as he shouts that last bit... he’s about to burst into tears.  And Karkat is going to have to with him.  And they’ll cry it out together, as they should.

> (==>)

JOHN: ugh, fuck, this is just too much! JOHN: i thought you KNEW! KARKAT: KNEW WHAT??? JOHN: dave's GONE, karkat! JOHN: he's... JOHN: he's dead.

Let’s see it happen.

> (==>)

Just body language, the blow of the words...

JOHN: i didn't mean for you to find out like this at all, i thought... JOHN: i mean, i only heard about it yesterday, but i was convinced someone would have told you already! JOHN: apparently one minute he was there, and the next... JOHN: none of us even know how it happened, and it doesn't make any sense that he's dead, but he is. JOHN: he is dead and he's not coming back. KARKAT: JOHN: talk to me karkat, please. JOHN: please talk to me karkat. KARKAT: KARKAT: HE...

Jade and Rose were on a different part of this battlefield, they didn’t have the ability, time, and/or heart to break the news--

> (==>)

KARKAT: HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE?

aaaaAAAA

What a fucking expression, wow.

And what a regret RoboDave has to have for abandoning everyone without so much as a farewell letter.  To think that ditching them like that was IN his Ultimate Soul is going to eat away at him.  He may be linked to all of his self of selves, but he’s still an individual with individual regrets.

This was a damned good update.  See y’all next time.

(It may be the new meds I’m on, but between this and the thorough love I see put into the unofficial archive, I’m suddenly reminded that despite all the drama, I fucking LOVE Homestuck.  Even its current incarnation.)

[itsbuckysworld]

Save a Dance for Me

Royalty!AU

Prince!Bucky Barnes x Princess!Reader. 

Summary: Spring is meant for festivals, dances, yummy food, love, and Bucky Barnes.... also have you ever seen the garden scene in Princess Diaries 2, where Mia kisses Nicholas for the first time???... that.

--------

Written for @sunmoonandbucky​, surprise Hann! I’m your secret santa in @bucky-smiles​‘s CMMSecretSanta! 

I’d like to apologise for taking so long. I had an idea for this about two weeks ago and started writing it then things kept changing and I kept thinking I didn’t like it or wouldn’t have that idea ready and then, three different attempts at different Royalty AU plots, this came and I wrote it all in one sitting. so this is not properly proof-read

it’s 2.4K words long. Sowwyyy. 

– – – – – – – – – –

gifs not mine – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

“Shit, shit” you kept muttering under your breath, pushing aside bushes and getting scratches from branches all over your arms. Your gown would have two very ugly marks on your knees from all the time you’ve spent on your knees in this garden.

It was your kingdom’s Spring Festival, a celebration that was held every year on the first day of the spring. You had forgotten specifically why there was such a celebration, but that wasn’t what mattered to you. The Spring Festival meant people from all around were invited and you got to see your friends and have fun around the castle grounds. The gardens decorated beautifully with fairy lights and trees bloomed with flowers and ripe fruit. There was always music and the celebrations lasted up to three days, so when it came to seeing your friends and family, it was like hosting a lovely sleepover. It was one of your favorite activities.

Yet, at the moment, you weren’t having the most enjoyable time.

Against her better judgment, your mother had let you borrow a brooch from her collection of heirlooms, asking you time and time again to be careful with it, that she’s had it since she was 20 years old and it would be yours when you were the same age as well, but for now, you had to wait five more years. It was your favorite of hers. Shaped like a firefly with a gorgeous topaz on each wing. You begged her to let you borrow it for just this occasion. After all, it went beautifully with your dress. The hints of blue bellflowers at the hem and detailed around the chest made you look like a delicate walking garden, and you had been excited for weeks for the moment to wear the whole outfit when she agreed, only to have it all ruined during a calm-horse-ride-gone-wrong.

Your friend’s horse had taken off running at one moment, and while it made a hilarious story to look back on and tell, you had lost the damn piece somewhere in the bushes. You refused to tell your mother and ruin her day, so you just kept looking. She already disapproved of you going off riding with your friends alone, this would only give her more ammunition.

You huffed again, blowing a strand of hair out of your face and slamming your hand down on the grass. This can’t be happening.

A figure stood over you, casting a shadow over your frame, and you looked up as they cleared their throat. Your eyes adjusted until you could make out the silhouette. It was a man, and the more you looked the more his features became clear.

Shit, it was James fucking Barnes.

You rolled your eyes at him, preferring to stare at your dirty hands than his all-knowing grin. Damn the dirt is going to be hard to get from under your nails.

Prince James was the youngest son of one of your father’s best friends, from a kingdom not so far away. You had basically grown up together, but to say you were friends? You wouldn’t go that far. He was a few years older than you, approaching 19 when you had just hit 15, and when you were younger he always pulled at your ponytails and messed with you when playing hide and seek. To say the least you didn’t exactly like him. You thought you’d be alone, everyone off enjoying the music and food at the tents closer to the castle, which you were not going to step foot into until you found that damned topaz firefly.

He cleared his throat again and reached out his hand to put in front of your face. You expected him to mock you in some way, maybe poke and pinch your cheeks like he used to do when you were 6, but when you opened your eyes, you were met with the precious jewel you had been searching for most of the afternoon. A gasp escaped your chest and you almost gave yourself whiplash standing up so fast. You stumbled and he had to hold your waist to keep you from smacking into him.

You grabbed his hand in both of yours, looking at the piece, examining it over and over, if anything just to make sure you weren’t dreaming that the jewel was okay.

“Wh- Where did you find it?” you asked him, a hand now placed on his chest. Bucky chuckled.

“It was over by the fountain. You’re lucky I like to hide from my aunt there” he joked, releasing his hand from your grasp to pin it back to your dress. When it was back where it belonged for the day, Bucky let himself admire it, putting that stray strand of hair behind your ear. It was then you noticed that you were standing close. Too close.

Clearing your throat you took several steps back. Your hands rushing down your dress to dust it off. Not too bad stains, nothing you couldn’t attribute to the horse ride.

“Uh, t-thanks, James” this made him roll his eyes at you.

“Bucky, just call me Bucky –” he reached behind you and pulled your dress away from a bush, some branch having caught on snugly. He was careful not to rip it, and you were thankful that he hadn’t seemed to grasp how embarrassing this whole situation was for you. He did, after all, find you dirty and on your knees, about to cry like a little girl over a firefly – to early-teens Bucky, that would have been a mockery gold mine. – “And it’s no problem”

He extended his hand towards the party, motioning for the two of you to get on your way.

“What, you’re done hiding from your aunt?” this made him laugh, and for a moment it made you find it amusing. When was the last time you had heard Bucky laugh – not at you – it had been too long. You shook those thoughts away.

“I’ll never be done with that. I’m just hungry”

The two of you approached the table with all sorts of finger food and began picking and poking, casual conversation arising between the two of you. Your cheeks hurt from laughing and Bucky’s hand kept somehow finding ways to pull you closer as you moved around the space, never letting you veer too far. You didn’t mind it.

The band inside the hall began playing one of your favorite songs, and you thankfully caught yourself before you asked Bucky for a dance. He began reaching a hand towards you when the doors opened as a group of people exited the hall, music spilling out from inside the poshly decorated room. In the group stood Bucky’s aunt. She was a very snobby duchess and the moment he spotted her, he downed the rest of his sandwich and ducked down. You almost dropped your glass in laughter.

“I was never here,” He said, starting to basically crawl away.

“Hmmm, it would be fun to rat you out, though...” Bucky gave you a fake glare and pointed to the brooch on your chest. Taking the hint, you put your hands up in surrender. It would be your secret.

Making his way to the garden, he turned and called for you. “Save me a dance, princess” were his last words before he disappeared behind the bush maze with a wink.

You didn’t see much of Bucky after that. Between his hiding from his aunt and you having to be the host alongside your parents, the festivities had come to an end and there hadn’t been a moment for the two of you to retake your conversation or have that dance. Soon all of your guests had returned home, he included. The only remnants of those moments your memories and a small letter you found in your dresser the morning after everyone had gone home. It was a note from him addressed to you, that you better save him that dance for next year’s Spring Festival.

No one would ever know you kept that note safe in one of your drawers.

– – – – – – – – – –

Years passed, and escaping to the bush maze in your garden while downing sandwiches, saving dances and making jokes became yours and Bucky’s thing every single Spring Festival. While your own agendas didn’t allow you to dance more than a handful of times or for more than one song, you made sure to make space for a little stroll and a chat at some point during the event.

Now, 8 years later, it was time for the Spring Festival once more. Bucky kept fidgeting and twiddling his thumbs as the two of you walked through the gardens. He had arrived the day before and you hadn’t seen much of him, but the moment the event officially started, he had rushed across the yard towards you and hooked his arms with yours. His hair was longer, and pushed back, almost reaching the nape of his neck. You liked this look on him, and when you told him, you noticed his cheeks turn just a tad red.

Had anyone told you that you’d be sharing moments like these with James Buchanan Barnes, you would have laughed in their face, but now? It took you a while to admit, but he started to become your favorite thing about the Spring Festival. You didn’t remember why celebrating this was a tradition in your kingdom originally, but Bucky made you never want to quit it.

When you reached the center of the maze, your mind took you back to that day he had found the brooch you had lost and found you right there, desperate. The day that started it all.

He was to choose a bride soon, and for the last few years, you had avoided the topic per his request. Whenever you tried to even joke about it, he immediately shut it down with some other thing. You had no idea why, but the more time passed, the less you wanted to talk about it either.

Truth be told, you didn’t want to even imagine the moment he would choose someone to marry. Were these lovely afternoons going to end? Would he stop sending you letters every once in a while to pass the time between each spring, recounting whatever nonsense he was up to? What would be of the two of you?

Would you be able to withstand not being the one he marries?

You didn’t want to think about it too much, but with the date fast approaching when he was supposed to at least choose a bride, it was the first thing on your mind, and as usual, you guys didn’t talk about that topic.

Your mind began to wander, and you hadn’t realized that Bucky had stopped in his tracks, hands now hidden deep in his pockets and he swayed on the balls of his feet nervously.

“Hey” he lightly tapped your elbow, catching your attention and putting it back on him. It was hard not to fix your gaze on his bright blue irises, no amount of time spent with him would prepare you to not get lost in them. Not when you liked to do so. You gave him a soft smile, ridding your head of the thoughts.

Bucky cleared his throat, shuffling his feet. He couldn’t help but look at you. Take you in. He stood there in silence

“What?” you giggled, and he shook his head adorably, a few strands of his chocolate hair coming loose, and he pushed them back, the motion making your stomach fill with fireflies.

“Nothing, I… I just…–” he sighed – “Hey so, you know how I am to… choose uh– I” you nodded, placing a hand on his elbow to make him stop. Not only because he couldn’t properly say it, but because you didn’t know if you wanted to hear it.

The wind picked up, carrying with it the smell of flowers and warmth. A hint of your perfume hit Bucky’s senses and he was immediately at ease.

“So, uhm, I wanted to ask you” he kept staring at his shoes as he pulled out a small box from his pocket.

You took a step back in surprise, eyes widening at the sight. Was he-? There’s no way he was proposing to you. Choosing you. Was it too soon? Or perhaps long overdue. You didn’t know what to feel. You had never expected him to choose you, let alone like this. It was a big jump– he interrupted your thoughts, knowing you were spiraling things out of proportion.

“No, wait. I’m not going to ask you to marry me, wait” Bucky’s nerves represented themselves in laughter, as he reached over, trying to get you back as close to him as he could. He could do this, so long as you were close, always close to him.

“Bucky” your voice was barely a whisper, and he just loved the way his nickname sounded coming from your lips. You, who only called him James with that annoyed tint until a few years ago.

He opened the little box and your jaw dropped at the reveal of the gorgeous piece. A small brooch in the shape of a bellflower, with topaz petals, sat in the velvet square. An homage to the topaz firefly that started it all. It shone in the sun, greeting you, but Bucky’s smile was brighter, and quite frankly you loved it even more. He took a deep breath.

“I wanted to ask if… If you’d give us a chance. And then maybe, if that’s okay with you, I would– I mean, I want to marry you– Not like that, n-not right now, now, but” You giggled. He was turning into a stammering fool, but he was your stammering fool and nothing would make you happier than giving the two of you a chance.

Your hands found their home on his neck, instinct taking over rational mind, and you were kissing him, rendering him speechless and melting into your touch. For a brief moment he had forgotten where he was, but wherever that may be, he wanted to settle in. Blame it on the warm breeze, or the scent of the flowers, but Bucky had never felt more in love.

“Sorry” you pulled back in a hurry, realizing what you had just done. Shaky fingers touched your lips, where you could still feel him. “Was that too soon?” his hands pulled you closer, wrapping around your back tighter and tighter until you were flush against his chest. This close. He wanted you this close.

“I’d say about eight years late” and then he was melting his lips with yours once more. The band inside the large hall played that song you loved and he couldn’t help but sway you slightly in the embrace.

There’s that dance he wanted you to save for him.

– – – – – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – –

Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! I know this was insanely long. And the other ideas I had for Royalty!AU’s I’m putting in the drawer to revisit at some other time, so if I ever get to work on them more, there might be more royalty au’s coming your way! If that’s something anyone would want of course. 

Please drop any and every feedback my way! My inbox is wide open 24/7 Happy 2020!

Love, L. 

[holdouttrout]

2020 Reflections and Resetting for 2021

This is a bit long, so I’ll cut it, but I’ve been missing doing these annual posts so... if you want to read on, please do!

Fannish The Big Fandom of the year for me was the Locked Tomb, the series by Tamsyn Muir that starts with Gideon the Ninth. I read and re-read the two books (so far) several times, and while right at this moment the fannishness is lying dormant, it is coiled in my soul, ready to strike again at any moment. Otherwise, I ended up doing a lot of reading and watching. I revisited a bunch of Star Trek, which was and remains delightful. I wrote some Han/Leia fic, which is always fun, especially since the people who enjoy Han/Leia are lovely and discerning! Video Games My big game of the year is Crypt of the Necrodancer, which is a fun little dungeon game where you have to move with the beat. I beat the Necrodancer once and now I gotta do it again, except harder and I haven't figured out the trick yet. Books Other than Gideon the Ninth (and Harrow the Ninth), I enjoyed many, many books. According to Goodreads, I read 64 books. That does not include the many re-reads of various books. Many of these books were read because of @that-silver-girl, who is a great reading buddy and excellent at cajoling, begging, and demanding I read good books. If I had to pick five of my favorites (again, besides the obvious), they would be: Or What You Will, by Jo Walton. Jo Walton is one of my favorite authors, someone who manages to combine fantasy with philosophy speculation in a way that makes me think, and although this book took a while to grab me, when I did I was all in. A Memory Called Empire, by Arkady Martine. I adore fish out of water stories, and this one had a lot of strangeness and cultural misunderstandings and Honorable People and political intrigue. This is How you Lose the Time War, by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. This book is SO GORGEOUS. It's very descriptive and dramatic and hints at the world(s) involved rather than giving you a concrete setting, and I adored it. Maybe my actual favorite book of this year. A Gentleman in Moscow, by Amor Towles. This book was a book club book that I would and could recommend to just about anyone. We ended up reading it just as the social distancing measures really took hold here, which was sort of ironic timing, but it was such a good, hopeful book that it went straight to the top of my list. Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead, by Olga Tocarczuk. I haven't yet managed to get anyone to read this book--I tried to get my book club to read it, but they passed on it, probably because of the title. I really loved the main character and the setting. It ended up feeling very down-to-earth and practical in a way I find really satisfying. In other book news, I finally started legitimately keeping track of and writing little "reviews" on Goodreads. So… you know, if that's your thing, come find me. I cannot guarantee I say anything about books worth saying, but I'm trying to let go of my need to be perceived as intelligent about my book choices and enjoyment. Fun Well. Fun was certainly fraught in 2020. I didn't have anything too big or adventurous planned in the Before Times, and then the Current Times meant that the most adventuring I did was two quiet weekends to the beach, visiting my aunt. Those trips were very wonderful and healing, and I only regret that I wasn't able to spend more time with her and her partner in the past. I'm very grateful about how my friend group(s) have really tried to move online. One of my gaming groups moved to Zoom and Roll20 right away, and I think maybe we missed like… one week while we figured it all out. Another group has gotten going since then and I'm having fun with that, too. I had an outdoor social group during the spring and summer that is having to move more virtual now that the weather is colder again. My book club has transitioned to virtual meetings pretty well, too, and I have a small intergenerational discussion group through my Friends Meeting that has become a lovely, stable place for me. Writing This is mostly meh, but I have started to write a little bit here and there more recently, especially with the Discord Writing Group I'm participating in now. May that trend continue. Music I have kept up playing piano (probably even more because of social distancing and being home more than I would have otherwise). It is a very centering place for me. I also managed to get a few recordings of myself playing Christmas tunes so I could send them to my mom, and that felt like a real accomplishment. Physical Activity I walked quite a bit in spring and summer, and even fall wasn't too sedentary, but uh… winter started off rough. This last week, my grandma (who broke her LEG a few weeks ago) and I made a deal that we would both take a walk on days it wasn't raining. So far, that's meant EVERY DAY and I have stuck to it (I know she will have!). 2021 Okay, so I don't make resolutions. I don't. But I do think of goals that I want to accomplish and write them down, so it's understandable that some people might think they are resolutions. Books and Other Media I want to start reading more non-fiction, so I've identified 6 non-fiction books to read in 2021. (I'm starting off with a small goal.) I also have 2.5-3 small shelves with books I have not yet read, and I have about 9 books on hold from the library. I'd like to go through the books on hold and the to-read shelves, even if that just means deciding I'm not going to read the book on the shelf that's been sitting there for years after all. I also have a list of movies to watch, so I'm going to try to watch one of them from that list each month. I'm definitely not holding myself to that very strictly, especially since the books thing is already going to be more of a project, but there are plenty of just plain fun movies on that list that I sort of forget are out there when I'm choosing what to watch. I also really, really, really want to do a Farscape Rewatch. It's been ages since I've seen the show, and it's time! Learning, Practicing, and Doing For piano, I really want to re-start practicing how to play from chord notation. This is something that I wish I'd learned how to do a long time ago. I want to re-start my ASL learning as well. I have a plan in place for it, and just hope I can actually do it. I have a couple of sewing projects I'd like to work on, but I won't feel any guilt if I don't get to them. I'm considering how best to make an impact on areas of social justice that resonate with me, and I have the theory that it might be more effective to focus on ONE area and not fracture myself into a million pieces trying to fix EVERYTHING. This is less of a goal than it is a consideration, so it needs some work to turn into a plan.