#it's done wonders for my depression
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Orts
One of my recent projects has involved quote gathering. It’s based on an assignment from my creative writing class intended to make us think about turns of phrase in our free time: we were supposed to gather quotes from our everyday lives and read them aloud in class. After the class ended, I started writing quotes from the books I read on sticky notes and putting them up on my room walls.
Over Thanksgiving break, I gained six new quotes. I’m torn between two for my favorites. My first is a Brennan Lee Mulligan quote from The Wizard, The Witch, and the Wild One: “Many who have destiny curse it, but what a burden to choose any path under the sun.” My second is from Terry Pratchett’s Soul Music: “It was sad music. But it waved the sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could but you were still alive.”
I have an old love for turns of phrase so sharp my fingers bleed. It feels a little bit like blasphemy to steal sentences from their home, rob them of their context, and dangle what’s left from the walls of my room. I can’t help it, though. The brilliance of wrapping yourself in the wisdom of the world is too good to pass up.
#An ort is a scrap of food#if it sounds at all appealing#I would really suggest this project#it's done wonders for my depression#also I think the soul music quotes is about the mountain goats#i'm not saying that's the original intent I'm saying that's what it's about. Like intrinsically. sorry sometimes that happens#you would not believe how careful you have to be to cut out toni morrison quotes#I will not turn quotes about specific types of bigotry into generic feel-good messages#incidentally I feel like we don't talk about word-for-word brilliance in writing enough#like oscar wilde was asked why he didn't write a longer book#and he said something like “there aren't 100000 beautiful words in the english language”#i think that aspect of writing is often overlooked#let's hear it for the hedonists#creative writing#library of babel#unedited#my writing#twtwatwo#soul music
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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It's weird how simple but effective the finch app is. Everyday is like "ah fuck I have to get out of bed and eat breakfast and take my meds so this fucking bird can go on a little adventure"
And I do it! I get up and do it! And the bird goes on a little adventure
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New bunny ref for Art Fight! My username there is Skitty. Come draw my bunny and maybe some of my other guys and get art from me in return!
#art fight#art fight 2023#furry#anthro#ref sheet#new ref nearly the same but marginally better proportions#and now with 25% more washed up rich sleazebag depression#in case you're wondering (you're not) he is not wearing underwear beneath that concerningly short robe#unfortunately for everyone who had to visit him during his slump era#verse: amaranthine#my ocs#hyden#really wanted to get one done for alex and ridge too but it turns out a month is actually just 4 weekends#and that's not actually that much time
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i like it when dogs are a little blonde like this who did your highlights little man
#lucky#dogblr#handsomedogs#residents#dogs#ok now. we are snowed in today!#i got a new job doing laboratory and pharmacy work instead of clinic#so i can recover from my major depressive episode lol#anyway doing ok so far! im learning to be a human again:)#lucky leia and i are saying hi :)#still dating my wonderful girlfriend#we are planning to move together to europe when shes done with her things and im done with mine :)soon
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light
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#arasawa#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#i said i was almost done with this like five hours ago LMAO liar#i keep accidentally typing yakuza 8 and yeah i hope we get 🏳️🌈❓❓ flashbacksin that. i hope we get that. <- we will not#heh this is what i was referencing in that In The Tags post.. continuity from me ?? unimaginable..#lowkey inspo'd by the fact that /my/ lighter is only ever good for one (1) light then its just. Dead for some reason#i dont smoke but i do light incense. if you were wondering.#ANYWAY MY APOLOGY FOR PUTTING ARAKAWA THROUGH HORRORS THIS WEEK#ive got nothing but cute things in mind so to quote linkin park No More Sorrow#i keep drawing them in their twenties and thats not a problem i GUESS but it is for me#but Double Good i do only have Middle Aged Shenanigans on the brain#if i try to imagine any Old Man Yuri its going to get depressing so. forrgive me for the lack of silver foxes. im crying too i know#<- forcing myself to fight off that one evil idea i had AWAY WITH YOU. ANOTHER TIME.#let me detox a bit. after i finish comm work of course.....#i feel like i draw cigarette kisses a lot but i dont remember the last time and i havent drawn it recently so Free Real Estate#drawing this reminded me i have therapy Technically later today 'snap how are these related'#cause my first sess my thera wanted me to talk bout myself and i told her i draw comics and goofy shit like this#and she said some stuff my sis would say fuckin 'if it makes you happy its not dumb :)' like OK. WHATEVER. I KNOW.#also dont worry i dont have a therapist for The Brain Demos its just so i get medicine#ok i should sleep. i wanna get comm stuff done before Phone Therapy so byyyyyyeee#im gonna imagine SO many scenarios that ill inevitably share with all of you at some point
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catch me sobbing bc I'm about to have a desk of my own for the first time since I was like 17 😭
#me spending my entire adulthood taking up as little space as possible#everywhere I'm living in an effort to be less of a burden on whoever I'm living with#now my mom's gone & cleaned out the storage room so I can make it my space to exist so I'm not just isolating in my bedroom#we spent today in town buying shit for the room.... desk & chair & lights etc....#and I'm v emotional about this..... i think it's going to help me a lot to like. actually exist & function.#not to get emotional about my pathetic life on the dash or anything but wow... realizing it's probably not just depression & anxiety#and that I'm actually probably autistic has done fucking WONDERS for me like. taking steps forward again.#actively working on change & like. figuring out how to cope & regulate & not blame everything about my life on myself being lazy adjgksh#honestly it's 7pm but I'm probably gonna set the desk up tonight bc I'm so fuckign excited to get that room set up now oh man...#that'll probably be most of my day tomorrow too tbh. at least until we leave to go watch d-day in cinema 😭😭#IT'S A GOOD WEEK GUYS..... it's gonna be a good week#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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artfight attacks on ikitsunyan trashguts @biracy monomel _pont justAD clownbyte infinityonhigh vulture_ aaand lostlooser101 !!
#artists on tumblr#my art#artfight#artfight 2023#team vampire#sparkledog#emocore#scenecore#rainbowcore#worm on a string#clowncore#glitchcore#if youre wondering where ive been its artfight and depression#part 2 coming soon im halfway done w it >:)
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...
#jesus christ. i love a tragedy. fucking love a tragedy. love media#where characters stare into the face of god and are consumed with wonder as they die#the world is so fucking beautiful it burns through them and leaves nothing but ash#alex garland i am in your walls. i mean. he didnt direct sunshine but i think he cowrote the screenplay#i too wish to b cast off into the sun#my homones r perhaps returning to normal so mayhaps i am returning to my typical state of hysteria rather than depression lol#well see what tomorrow brings. im just saying that all my favorite media involves the most exquisite tragedy#i want to see destruction and i want to kno there is beauty there. i spend Nearly all my time at thr bottom of a well#but sometimes the sky clears and i can see the stars#but this is not helpful when i need to get things done lol#unrelated
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I’ve started the Eragon reread, and friends,
it hurts.
#brom keeps giving him sad old man eyes#the dream. the dreammmmmm#eragon is trying so hard and life just Fucking Sucks all of a sudden#he wakes up and has to just cry under his blanket for a bit before doing the classic#Moody Teenager who’s Actually Just Depressed routine#god no wonder i latched onto him immediately on my first readthrough lmao#just the first few chapters are making me want to write and make art#these books! rewired! my! brain!#anyway. im fine thanks for asking#saph speaks#inheritance cycle#christopher paolini#eragon shadeslayer#saph rereads the inheritance cycle#nevermind i’m not done i have to add#EVERYONE LOVES HIM AND IS TRYING TO HELP#well not sloan he’s an ass#but horst!!! elain!!! katrina!!! gertrude!!!!#this is a tight-knit little mountain community and it showsssss#it’s so lovely and it makes me mildly homesick
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I can really judge how bad of a day I'm having based on how hard it is to get tucked in bed. Sometimes just lifting my weighted blanket to get under it is a HERCULEAN effort. Im working on coming to terms with the fact that this is not my fault.
#all my life I've been surrounded by people who tell me to be more active#exercise more#try yoga#go to the gym#just to discover now that I have hypermobility which is causing chronic pain#(and weight-based exercise was making it worse)#and also along the way I've developed POTS#depression and ADHD have always made focusing difficult and now I have 24/7 brainfog#like. I couldn't have prevented this#I couldn't have prevented it! nothing I could have done.#literally as I'm typing rn the muscle in my forearm is burning just from the effort of moving my thumb#that's not from 'sedentary lifestyle'#that's something I do every damn day that sometimes hurts for no reason#exercise isn't going to help that#it's not. my. fault.#at the same time I feel like I'm getting buried under the weight of these conditions#adhd and depression and autism(?) and chronic fatigue that MIGHT be fibromyalgia?#and I think about my biological father. who was a drug and alcohol addict and died at forty years old#I didn't get all of these conditions from my mother#I wonder if he was just coping#anyway that's enough introspection for tonight
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wanna play the sims soooo baaaaad but bg3 takes up so much space I can't update it </3 maybe I'll ask N to help me clean out some stuff bc I simply Do Not Know things about computers lmao
#rAMbles#I'm also mourning my laptop that stopped working three years ago again#mostly bc i had so many interesting academic pdfs saved that i didn't appreciate in college and want to read again#i gotta try to remember that one website that has SOOOO many experimental films on it that i used my university's library login for...#i wonder if I'd still have access to it#maybe I'll reach out to my old professor and ask if he has any new site recommendations#j**** r******* you will forever be one of the best professors I've ever had!!!!#omg one day we just drew on 10ft of 35mm and he played it through a projector.. man that was a cool day#lemme dig up my notes from that class and research all the artists he shared again..#I'm thinking about his notes saying the work i created in his class was on par with grad level work and... auuuughhh i miss making video art#i was so spoiled using 4k cameras and professional mics and access to several video editing programs#time to ask N to find me rips of them i think :) i loved editing i was just too high and depressed in college to make more work#ugh maybe I'll ask my friend if i can use her mac so i can transfer some work i have on my mac only harddrive onto a flashdrive.. hmm...#okay rambling done i just really miss being a video artist#i lied last thought.. i really want to make a documentary again#OKAY BYE
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The only reason I haven't actually relapsed is the blades are too dull...
#ofc im ashamed but i got so upset the other night that i banged my head on the table#i've tried rubber bands but it's just not the same so doesn't really work#i hate that i want to cause myself pain#even though i sometimes look at my arms & legs and hate myself for what ive done there are times where im like they're just part of who i am#god i feel so pathetic#sometimes i wonder if there's something else wrong with me besides my mental disorders#i mean sometimes it's not even about being depressed but rather wanting to just rip my own skin off because it feels wrong#sometimes everything is just too much and i become anxious & angry#bpd#depression#anxiety#mental health#self harm#self destructive behavior#dividesproblems
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my art haul from Artist Alley at MCM London :
The trio of witches ! By Hannah Alexander @hannahalexanderartwork
I loooooove Art Nouveau. I bought the Laudna print first, then came back later to complete the Witches triptyque !
Imogen ! by @onesmolhurts
Look at those freckles !! HOT
Keyleth !! by none other than the wonderful Kit Buss herself, who was very busy all weekend I'm sure, but whom we managed to talk to on Friday just before closure. She was so nice !!!
Keyleth looks like a little bit menacing and a whole lot sexy here, I love it, like she could ask me to follow her in a frozen land and I would be like "yes ma'am"
Another trio of witches, but this time under the menacing light of Ruidus ! by @caitmayart
I remember seeing this piece here on Tumblr, and when I was passing by the booth I was COMPELLED to buy it, it's so beautiful !
And last but not least, this absolutely beautiful version of Laudna by Maggie Mikan.
Story time : originally, I was going to bring my copy of The World of Critical Role for Marisha to sign, but when I bought this art on Friday, I changed my mind and decided to get it sign instead. And so after the autograph, 'no thoughts heads empty' me went by Artist Alley again, and showed it to the artist, who was amazed. We took one minute to scream over it together, and then they took a photo of me holding the signed art (yup that's me !)
Now, to get all of that wonderful art framed...
#I hope it's ok to put the photos here...#go check out these wonderful artists please !!#if you thought I was done talking about MCM guess again. this is how I'm curing my post-con depression guys#critical role#mcm london#critical role london
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last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth
#NO WONDER... MY JAW IS IN PAIN ALMOST ALL THE TIME.... HUH..#i wonder if that period where i literally couldnt move my jaw from the pain for like a week was when it was emerging#otherwise the pain is like not awful. not bad enough it's noticeable u know im used to it i have so many aches n pains in my body naturally#like my entire head has a constant ache. if u touch my cheekbones ill drop my head like a cat into ur hand dude it is .#it's like the most relieving ache . like u have just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. and it's been that way since i was a kid#i think i googled if thats what it was before n they were like no if it were your wisdom tooth youd know :) it would hurt u so bad#which i despise btw because this means nothing to me BHJAH.... like they said the same thing when i broke my foot the nurse that did intake#i was a kid & she was like dont worry if it were broken youd know and you wouldnt have walked in here on it ... fellas . it was broken#& i could never see anything when i looked in the mirror#but it's just because it's slightly covered by like swollen gums back there which i always thought was just because i chewed too hard#but.#no i guess it;s because something was erupting like an alien#i used my lil pokey tool to squish em out of the way and i can see it#it's so weird just having a tooth u know u shouldnt#like i . i want to just grab it i want to just hold it in my hand#why does it have to be so securely in place whihc is something i wouldnt never say for my other teeth HJBA#i am not going 2 have it removed any time soon im .#i have wanted to go to the dentist my whole life but i am too scared#esp w the damage from my ed and depression im so embarrassed#i honestly want to though#there is nothing that would make me feel more like an actual person then to just. get a cleaning#get my maintenance done LMAO#i do my best at home but u kno#i use an electric spinning toothbrush i floss i use mouthwash i do it all 2 try n handle what damage there already is#but it still would do wonders for my mental health and oral health#apparently partial impactions which is what i have can be really bad n get infected so . aha...h. 👍:).. ..h.
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You Have No Name patch update for the week: Erk has Fuchs Dystrophy ✨
#lowkey obsessed with giving my head children ailments and disorders ✨ nobody here is healthyyyyy#just pav things#Anyways this is my way of reconciling the fact I’ve always seen Erk with grey-ish eyes :3#motherfucker can’t see half the time and honestly good for him 👍#That makes for 4 head children with bad eyesight :> (Inigo and Daisy and Dism (very mildly) too)#I’m reading about Lymphoma and seeing that Idyllia is in palliative care I’m wondering if I should incorporate that into her backstory too#I mean… she’s sick enough to be IN a hospice (ignoring the fact her sister is holeing her up in there on purpose 😋)#Like I’ve done me/cfs for so long (practically since Idyllia was born) but I’m just wondering if there’s something more fitting for her :3#Especially since she would fall into the same camp as Archie for having Version 1 inhibition#And we know what Version 1 inhibition also induces in people *cough* potentially fatal diseases *cough*#Anyways that’s a very depressing fun fact here’s some actual fun facts about my viscomm duo#Child Cynthia barely looks like her teenage counterpart! She got much louder and fatter 💖#Her natural hair colour is a sandy brown~#Inigo’s room has a section of the wall dedicated solely to photos and polaroids of him and his friends :3#Good luck finding any of Archie though before he rejoins the party in Arc 4 adjkshsj#It’s definitely one of the ways he’s hypocritical! Calls Idyllia out for trying to forget and assume a different persona#And yet Minty himself cannot bear to look at any photographs from his time with Archie… clinging only to his PERCEPTION of reality 😌😋#But that’s also how you can tell he means it when he says that he always treated Dism like a friend ^^
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