#it's fine I'll be okay in a few days | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

engagemythrusters · 1 year

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dogma didn't want to do a portrait but tup and kix made him… and there's only so many flashes he can take before it looks like war.

#this took forever ... hopefully that won't be a recurring thing...#fuck #anyway. MUCH self-doubt and frustration aside.#this is from my No Order 66 AU!!#the massiff is Exo and she's here bc Dogma got reconditioned after Umbara #it didn't stick but... well. reconstructing your brain to nothing will have effects even if you DO remember who you are.#her tasks are DPT and interruption and fetching help when needed #for dissociation/meltdowns/ptsd flashbacks/etc #and also crowd control (give him space sometimes!) and finding Dogma if he wanders off while dissociated #and a few other small things that that follow the same principals #(she can do a bit of retrieval--not really her thing but she was trained a bit in it)#(Dogma keeps wanting to have someone teach her to help w/ tup's seizures but rightfully everyone tells him no.#Tup will get his own service animal if he needs one. and he denies one for now.#dude you had a chip erode part of ur brain and then had experimental surgery that fucked u up but okay. fine. have it ur way!)#anyway she has her longer spikes filed down for safety during DPT. it's completely safe--like cutting fingernails!#OKAY yeah thats it. hopefully some day i'll WRITE this au. xoxo mwuah #saleucami au #clone trooper dogma #dogma #clone trooper tup #tup #clone troopers #exo the service massiff #massiff #star wars: the clone wars #the clone wars #star wars #my art #mimse art

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months

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recent things

#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month #where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still #feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in #my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol #I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days #where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something #days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated #I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T #My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly #a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at #some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds #before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of #curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has #a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like #Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors #so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh #Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh #n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and #fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch #of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of #the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy #it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol

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gideonisms · 1 year

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explaining my lifestyle: no see this looks like horrible depression but I actually feel much better than I did when I was putting work into improving myself ♥️

#my apartment looks fine and average and my grades are fine and average #my skin looks fine and average my clothing is just okay my relationships aren't in the trash fire #yes i spend 10-12 hours a day zoning out or doing stuff unrelated to anything i'm supposed to be doing #yes i only leave this apt a few times a week #yes i struggle to eat enough sleep at consistent times and turn stuff in on time #but being kind of dysfunctional is incredibly relaxing #i go to bed actively hoping i'll wake up! like i will be there going oh hope i get to live the whole year/decade/next fifty years so i can #do my fun activities!#idk if this is actually true but it *feels* like the very first time since i was 18 that nothing is on fire #love to not be actively on fire #i think everyone should experience 'oh man i've been exhausted for a decade and i am going to spend most of a year being weird about it'#you truly have to work it out of your system it makes you hateful and anxious otherwise

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moonchild-in-blue · 7 months

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#descending with darya

🫶🫶🫶

Find me at the bottom of the ocean, cus I'm down BAD 🥲💔

#someone should invent a valentine's day that didn't make you feel utterly lonely and soft and aching #even if you really ARE okay with being single #i'll be fine in a few days don't worry. just me and my stupid brain being stupid #darya answers

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real-life-cloud · 9 days

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💔

#the sky speaks #okay ive had more time to process #GOD its been a day #i woke up to my parents shaking me awake in tears. ginny died overnight. we think something with her heart #a clot or a heart attack??#looks like it was quick and painless at least. better than the previous pets of mine that have passed. they were all drawn out and miserabl #im just still in so much shock. she was fine yesterday!!!! then this morning she's as stiff as a board in the dining room #she made a little nest for herself out of our mail pile? i think she knew she was dying. poor thing #she was only 10. i really thought i had another few years with her #lucy seems sad too. she slept in the same spot for hours today. shes usually bouncing off the walls #i think i want to get a memorial tattoo of her sometime. ive seen heart shaped locket ones that are cute? I'll think on it #when i first woke up i thought i was having a nightmare. my dad said hed never seen my eyes go so wide #it still doesnt feel real #im so fucking tired i keep breaking down sobbing for like. 30 seconds at a time and then continue going about my day

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running-in-the-dark · 9 months

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oh my god I get it your storage is almost full will you just shut up and leave me alone for five minutes?? the more I get these notifications the harder I ignore them 😤

#yes okay FINE I'm going to my laptop and removing things OKAY you got me #it has been weeks of this shit and every time I delete something it just happens again a few days later.#yes okay maybe I don't need 50gb of images on my phone.#I don't even know what all of them are #since most of them are on the sd card #so.#who knows 🤷 guess I'll find out #I HATE cleaning up my phone #it's so fucking annoying!#cleaning up stuff on a computer? fun. enjoyable. meets all my organisational needs #but on my phone? nooo I would rather explode 😤#so I'll just. put everything on my laptop. and figure it out from there #I better not lose any of my eliot pictures 😠#aggressively talking to my phone in the tags. I guess #personal

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starmahgalaxies · 2 years

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I couldn't decide which one to do so I did all 3.

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zincbot · 5 months

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the hits stop coming and they don't stop coming

#every time i think i can't feel worse i discover a new blow #TO BE FAIR. IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT BAD #i'm just like. really sensitive or something annoying like that #the worst part is that usually when i'm feeling low i can hinge my feelings on smth like 'if this happens that means everything will be okay #but then sometimes. it happens. and i still feel like the world is ending. so that didn't work now what do i do #ugh i didn't even feel this bad when i was like in the hospital a few months ago and it's literally just like. (in summary)#2 people i love are mad at me. i did really poorly in my exams and might lose my gpa. my car (highly attached) is breaking down and i need #get a new one #i start a new job tomorrow and i heard bad things about it from my classmates who started before me #+ i have serious doubts in my ability to dress neatly and well with all my shitty poorman clothes #+ i started breaking out #+ i just noticed i lost a bunch of weight likely from my hospital stay and i dunno how to get that back #+ my doctor said i'm not likely to get full mobility back at this point and it's upsetting me #also my spare tires are missing #ugh i'll be fine. i'll be fine i'll be fine i'll be fine. i'll be fine #i'm good at dealing BUT ONLY WITH SOME OF THESE. i can deal with the car and the job and the health. but interpersonal shit?#which is the thing upsetting me the most? wow surprise surprise local autist doesn't do people good #UGH anyway sorry for complaints on main i just feel like i got too many straws rn #it's 10:30pm i'm sure i'll feel better in the morning (ignoring the fact that i've been feeling almost exactly like this for days)#ugh. it's fine. i'll deal. only way out is through or whatever

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weirdo-with-a-nametag · 10 months

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Visiting my dad/sisters/stepmom for thanksgiving and my dad doesn't want to pick me up from the train station, and it's really bumming me out!

#he told me a few days ago that he'd already be drinkinf by the time my train gets in so I'm glad he's not driving #but he's on this thing about how getting a lyft and getting myself there is a grown up move and I should act like a grown up #and like. that's fine. but picking someone up when they're visiting you is such a basic thing to me #if someone comes into town or takes the light rail across town or something and they're visiting me? I always go get them #it's a basic affection thing. I want to spend time with them #and get them there quickly and comfortably #so when he goes hey I don't want to drive the 15 minutes anymore. and we're not going to visit you ever so you just come down #spend twice as much getting a ride as you did for the train.#I'm like... okay man. I really feel unwanted #and I'm here for the kids so I'll do it anyway. but if you ever want a good relationship with me... stop that?#it really hurts to be around him

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tokyoteddywolf · 6 months

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22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.

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coldshrugs · 1 year

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and now back to the estinio chokehold we go

#book 3 was. fine.#lkajsdfs okay no there were some fun moments and i think i want to try some other things #and mason's slow revelation is pretty compelling but ;alkjfdskl i've written about that for so long that it #feels strange to see it happen in canon!!#the amount of M scenes from this book i've read as fanfic a year ago askdfjslk i have to laugh!!!#i will say. i am LIVING for tearing down the relationship with rebecca #DELICIOUS!!! MAKE IT HURT!!!#i'll replay again in a few days but i'm so thankful this didn't give me brainrot #it just solidified My Type T^T ellis is roasting me about it

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diapause · 2 years

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I am seriously physically and mentally unwell at the moment. Going to take some time mostly offline I think

#I don't know what's wrong with me this happens a lot but no one can work it out or find solutions #I'll willingly get tubed if it will help but I don't think it will #I just want a few days to exist at home #try to fix my sleep #maybe get some drawing done (on paper because my family have confiscated my tablet for some fucking reason)#try to eat what I can. that one is difficult I can't keep much down #lightly buttered white toast seems to work but we're out of white bread so. I don't know #I know I'll be okay this will pass. will stay online just to talk to important people to me #so dm me if you want to talk that's all fine with me #I just think I need to engage my brain less with shit online. it's exhausting

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blujayonthewing · 1 year

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I lwish there was a socially acceptable way to signal to others 'it's nothing personal but I just can't right now'

#'just say that' lol. lmao #I mean even if that goes over smoothly (and there is! very much no guarantee that it will!)#the best case scenario is still 'oh no are you okay? :( let me know if you need anything :('#I'm FINE I am just simply Can't Right Now!!!#see if I was GOING somewhere to have my Can't Right Now that'd make it very easy #'I'll be at The Cabin for a week' or whatever #I'm doing that but in my basement playing zoldo lmao #... anyway none of the complaints about how this would fail to go over apply to anyone on tumblr cause I'm too anxious to vagueblog lol #but 'I just can't right now' IS true so if I'm bad about answering messages or w/e for a few days it's cause my 'be human' tank is empty #about me

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thethingything · 2 years

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apparently today's emotional state is basically:

holy shit I did a task!

I am incapable of moving from my bed

if I have to do another task I'll start sobbing

I dealt with an anxiety inducing situation in a healthy way! yay!

feels weird about source and being a fictive

"oh fuck yeah I can wear our binder. I forgot about that"

makes big step in terms of dealing with an OCD trigger and feels great about it

suddenly feels like shit out of nowhere

"I'm going to play video games and just relax for a while"

can't seem to actually enjoy anything I try to play

almost bursts into tears about something source related that I can't actually pinpoint

"hey look at these cute accessories I bought recently! I look great!"

homesickness

so anyway I have no idea what's going on but it sure is something and I'd like maybe a little bit of emotional stability and to not be experiencing the thing where our brain randomly decides to get homesick out of nowhere

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #''wait 🍬... didn't you post a thing earlier about buying stuff to help with homesicknes?'' yes. yes I did. and yes it does help #I still feel like shit though and I can't pinpoint what's actually wrong #I just know it's something source related because it's the exact same feeling as other times when I've had issues with source stuff #every so often it's like our brain decides I get to feel really intensely weird about being a fictive and then it goes away after a while #I'll be going about my day to day life absolutely fine and then suddenly I'm really homesick and it feels like I'm not supposed to exist #and then after a few days I'm kind of okay again and just carry on as normal #whenever it happens though I always want to talk about source stuff but it's not like I know what specific stuff I want to talk about #I never know what'll actually help so I just have to kind of wait it out instead #vent post

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spydertrans · 1 year

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so fucked up how i get my period THE DAY when i'm FINALLY going to see Spider-Verse . girl, could you have not waited until tomorrow, at the VERY least

#what's double fucked up is that i thought i was gonna get it yesterday and when i did it i figured i'd be fine for another day #SIKE #homophobic. transphobic. ableist. racist.#it's okay i'll get through it. even though i was so excited (and in pain) that i couldn't sleep and woke up 3 hours earlier than i needed to #today WILL be a good day and i will NOT pass out in the theater AMEN #my mom's at church so i have a few hours in advance to be insane alone 😁#miles mouths off

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zerodaryls · 1 year

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mindful music reblog game

when you see this post, listen to the song the reblogger put in the tags, but try to do so mindfully – whatever that means for you.

you can pay special attention to the melody, or the lyrics. you can practice empathy for the singer. you can immerse yourself in the overall Mood of the song. whatever feels most like "mindful" engagement with music to you.

then, reblog and put a song in the tags for the next person to listen to. it can be literally anything, from the serious and heart-wrenching to the lighthearted and silly. this is just an exercise in taking a few minutes to immerse yourself in the mood/emotions/story that one human (or a band of humans) wanted to share with the world.

#...literally typed up this whole post and didn't have a song to recommend picked out already hskjdfdsjkf #okay okay. mine is: The Downeaster Alexa by Billy Joel #reblog game #music #mindfulness #empathy #humanity #humans #my posts #don't get me wrong I love listening to music as a background thing #and think that's totally fine and there's no reason to be Mindful about listening to music all the goddamn time #but I just thought this would be a nice little exercise for a few minutes #I'll be lookin' at y'all's tags too because I need more songs to listen to when I do this #I've kinda made it part of my daily morning routine #rather than doing an actual mindfulness meditation every day #I just. listen to a few songs and try to really immerse myself in them #it really helps me expand my own compassion #not to be cheesy but I highly recommend this exercise <3

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