#it's gotten to the point that i prefer being transsexual and i also like the transgender community. it just doesn't encapsulate who i am

[uncanny-tranny]

Something beautiful about the word transsexual is that contrary to popular (often by transmeds) belief, it has always included people who don't medically transition in anyway. It simply is an older word for what a lot of people would now call transgender and there are so many transsexual elders who never went on hormones and never had surgery but have identified as transsexual for decades and still do. I know transmeds have been around back in the day too, claiming that transsexual is only for medical transitioners, but many elders will disagree. Even if you look at some trans glossaries from 15 years ago they will define transsexual the same way that we define transgender. Transsexual and transgender are largely synonymous with different connotations to different people. The beauty is that we as trans people get to choose whether we want to reclaim a term that was put on us by cis people, or if we want to claim a term that was created by us for us, and both are beautiful and radical in their own way.

The thing about the history of transness is... we have documentation of trans people having existed for at least a thousand years. Trans history is ancient. We are a fact of humanity, not an option.

The interesting thing about transsexual is that it's a new word - coined in German as Transsexualismus by Magnus Hirschfeld in the 1920s, introduced later as transsexual. Around this time, more people were interested in what would be known as transsexualism. It's around this time and after the war that more and more medical transition options became wide-spread and practiced. Medical transition is by no means as experimental as people fear monger it to be, but in terms of trans history, we're living in a vastly different era than our trans ancestors.

The understanding of transsexual depends on who you ask, but it's my opinion that we ought to include as many transsexuals as possible. The idea that transsexuals are the Good Trans People, the ones who Put In The Work is an idea that's based on transphobia, not the language that's used. The attitude is the problem, the idea that we are inherently broken or must prove ourselves worthy is separate from the words that we identify with or are used to describe us.

It's for this reason that transsexualism is important to me. It's for this reason that I want as many people to be transsexuals as possible, whether or not you medically transition. I personally started preferring transsexual because I see it as political, as personal, as a community of beautiful people I want to help make good. If you don't identify as transsexual, that is great! But, please, know that transsexuals are also not stereotypes. We're not the Good Ones. We are part of the broader trans community, and thus, we should all work together.

[tiredfemininity]

I made the mistake of opening my insta explore page and clicking on LGBT content. So, as I am already down thks rabbit hole, let's explore this out-of-context example of

Asexuals taking advantage of the LGBT community

So, before I start, a few simple disclaimers:

I am an ace exclusionist.

Asexuality is a valid identity.

The full acronym, at most, is LGBT. No slurs, microlabels, or anything of that sort.

So, I present to you, the post in question:

[image description: the "who are we? / What do we want?" meme format, with the rainbow flag asking the transgender, bisexual, non-binary, and asexual flags the questions. To "Who are we?", the flags respond "the LGBT community". To "and what do we want?", all flags but the asexual one respond "equal rights". The asexual flag responds "World domination!". The third panel is all flags staring at the asexual flag, as it says "uh...". End image description]

This is... a lot. In my opinion, this harmless post sums up the reasoning behind asexual inclusion. Asexuals aren’t oppressed nearly as much as any member of the LGBT community, and asexuality is widely accepted as a lifestyle, be it my choice or for the lack of sexual attraction whatsoever. I will not be going into the details of scientific proofs or lack of thereof of asexuality at this time, but i’ll say that asexuals aren’t really oppressed.  They want their place in the community like a cishet white guy wants his place at an all-inclusive intersectional feminism club on a college campus because he is “one of the good ones” (news flash: if he has to say that he is, he isn’t). They want the oppression points, maybe even an excuse to feel somewhat superior to “the straights”. 

I’m sorry for rambling here, moving on.

Now, let's look at the comments. I saw three common trends in the comment section:

Calling out lesbian erasure

Saying that being excluded from a meme isn't lesbian erasure

"let's dominate that cake world"

I wish y’all knew just how much I despise the last two categories. I’ll deal with the third one first, then I will talk about lesbian erasure a little bit.

The comments that mostly screw me over are last two. “Taking over the straights” sounds a little bit like conversion therapy (if anyone is interested, I absolutely can talk about how genital preferences also support conversion therapy and, as an extension of that, eugenics). Seeing heterosexual attraction as inherently inferior is a common trend in the modern LGBT movement, and it’s not for the lack of effect on the community. You can skip the next segment, as it is my personal experiences.

For my entire life, I felt a consistent feeling of attraction to women, and I feel like my attraction to men was more conditioned than anything. Once I became more active in the community (thankfully, that was my after my fujioshi phase), came out as first non-binary, then transgender, I began to realize that my attraction to men wasn’t nearly the same as my attraction to women. It took over a year after my coming out as a man for me to accept that I stuck with the labels such as “pansexual” and “asexual” because the community made me feel like my attraction to women was somehow inferior because it is heterosexual.

Back to the comments:

Shh, our lgbtq+ ‘siblings’ weren’t supposed to know.

As if this person isn’t just distancing themselves from the community, but is confirming using the community for their own goal, cartoon super-villain style. I would love someone to talk about it more, I am at a loss for words here.

And, last but certainly not least, the main subtopic of the conversation of ace inclusion and one of the newer issues of the LGBT community, 

Lesbian erasure

As my trusty Wikipedia defines it as, 

Lesbian erasure is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or reexplain evidence of lesbianism in history, academia, the news media, and other primary sources. Lesbians may also be ignored within the LGBT community and their identity may not be acknowledged.

It is no secret that media representation is extremely important. In my opinion, while there is a good amount of lesbian representation in the media (for those curious souls, here are the gay, bisexual, trans, non-binary, pansexual, asexual, and intersex lists), the community itself tends to exclude the first letter of the acronym - for some reason. 

I’ll keep my opinions on this brief, as tumblr doesn’t like straight men talking about lesbian issues.

If one is aiming to represent the LGBT community, they need to be first inclusive of the LGBT community, and second of microlabels.

One might argue that the rainbow flag is all-inclusive of homosexuality as a whole. I see your point, but it isn’t. The original flag was designed for the San Francisco Pride festival, and while it bore the name of “Gay Pride”, the movement long included bisexuality and transsexualism in it. If the rainbow flag represented the whole community in the meme, it wouldn’t single out the transgender and bisexual flags out of it.

I don’t have a good conclusion for this text, and I will be honest, it has gotten too long, anyways. But my main points are as follows:

Asexuals are not inherently LGBT

Represent lesbians, goddamit.

[swampgallows]

pride month questionnaire just for my own reference

what is your sexuality? biromantic asexual

what do gender do you identify as? cis woman 

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender? around 16-17 i knew there was some shit wrong w me lmao, i had always just assumed i was straight but if we’re being real i knew from a pretty young age that i was broken and an alien. only ever had a few crushes [on guys] in my life but generally felt the same way about both men and women

do you have any preferences? big

share a positive memory about coming out! none

how do you feel about pride month? is good. isnt really “for me” but i will keep the glow i feel about it on the inside, like when i wear a favorite pair of underwear

do you participate in pride related events? any other events? no, though i was invited a few times it was by very sexual people who also drink alcohol so it wasnt really my kinda deal. much as i love sk i didnt really care for ladykiller’s sets

how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media? more, more written by lgbtqia people, less about dying and more about living ffs. let them be alive. let them be professional but also lgbtqia, let them be three-dimensional fully fleshed out characters who are also lgbtqia instead of being one-note cardboard cut-outs erected for Diversity

do you feel pride in who you are? not yet.

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? lmao

tell us about your first crush? despite kissing and being in a relationship with and having sex with a girl it didnt occur to me that i might be a lil gay until years later when i had a crush on undyne and she had a crush on a girl who became her girlfriend, and i was like “holy shit, you can do that? undyne likes girls? she likes a girl???? that means???? she could like me???? i could also.... like girls???? girls can be girlfriends???”

what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? i have no idea, im 27 and i still feel like a teen, do not ask me things 

have you come out to friends and family? sort of. i tried to tell my siblings and my sister said I just hadnt met the right person yet, to which i asked her “oh well youre bi too, you know, you just havent met the right woman yet” stupid fucking bitch. my brother was silent. so was my mother. my dad doesn’t know, i dont think. he asked me “what does this mean, ‘tracer is gay tracer is gay tracer is gay’?” but the conversation got derailed luckily before i could answer

how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? not really up to me i guess. i only use it because i dont really know another term for it

do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? sort of, i guess. people dont fucking care about asexuality; they complain that “nobody cares that you’re not having sex, theres no need to talk about it” then when i say something like “well im not really a sexual person” or “i dont like sex” all of a sudden it’s “WHAT WHY ARENT YOU HAVING SEX??? WERE YOU RAPED? YOU SHOULD SEE A THERAPIST. HAVE YOU TRIED SEX TOYS?” - my doctor  So like yeah just saying the word “asexual” gets people really fucking riled up, i have to decide whether or not i want to engage in a fucking hour long debate and reveal my traumas and life story if i feel like even saying my orientation so w/e, that’s the closest kind of a closet i can have i guess. granted im not gonna be gunned down in the street for being asexual but i also dont like being incessantly interrogated and armchair pathologized either

any tips on coming out? no. i never really came out to my parents deliberately, my mom just snooped some shit on my facebook and cornered me w a question about it when i was stuck in the car with her

what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? stop fucking killing them and making them the butt of jokes

what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? “well at least they’re there, i guess”; alternatively, when done well: “that me”

what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? i have very little recollection. it was mostly about gay men, i dont recall anything on lesbians, and i remember like one time we had a transgender person (calling themselves transsexual, at the time) come and talk to us, but i didn’t even know it was a thing that could be done or even existed so i had no idea what to make of it. but i remember they were there and spoke to us, even now. i basically just remember it happening lol

do you practice safe sex with the same gender? we didnt use dental dams or whatever, and since we didnt use toys we didnt use condoms. i mean i guess it was pretty safe, we were both monogamous and unsexed to all fuck. we washed our hands i guess?

what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? this is too weird of a question for me to answer. im pretty demi when it comes to romantic shit, i dont feel attraction to people at all really, though i have felt attraction to people i dont know it’s extremely few and far between. like this year i saw two (2) girls i found attractive, not in a sexual way but i thought they were iridescent beings comprised of pure light and couldnt take my eyes off of them. before that i cant even remember the last time somebody stopped me in my tracks or gave me butterflies. i dunno if i have any real active ‘turn-offs’ aside from basic shit (racism, sexism, general shittiness) other than like... sports, i guess. sports and drugs

what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? big. soft, hug. hairy boys. hairy girls are fine too but it’s more prominently a thing in guys. cool teeth (if you have cool teeth i will remember you)

how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? not for me

how do you feel about the term “queer” ? use it if you like, but respect those that it hurts

how does your country view the lgbtq community? america a fuck

favorite lgbtq actor/actress? fuck dude i dont even have a favorite straight actor or actress

any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? 1. it’s not for you 2. be proud for them 3. LISTEN TO THEM. SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND JUST LISTEN

what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? literally any time i tell a man im ace and he wants to fuck me, like, anything he says after that point is the worst thing

how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender im open to answering but i can only speak from my own individual experience, which is a disclaimer i try to give any time anybody asks me shit. im not the best representative for the bi or ace communities or anything lgbtqia in general. i dont like sex and i barely like people. leave me w my monsters

[my-mystic-messenger]

How would everyone in the RFA + Saeran + V react to MC coming out as ftm trans? I really adore how you do requests, and would like to see this one, if you don't mind. Sorry if it's already been done before

I put writing this off for so long… I just feared people would give me shit for it, because I knew exactly that what I was about to write would not be happy. Jumin’s was especially hard to write, because he’s my baby but such is life. Well here goes nothing, ya’ll 

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||

♬Zen♬

“Idon’t understand…you are already a girl. If this is about youwanting to wear more colourful and flashy clothes, I don’t mind. Itwill take some getting used to, but you can do whatever you want toexpress yourself”, he said, smiling at you with confusion writtenall over his face. You returned the smile, sighing at his naïveness.“No, babe, not transvestite; transsexual or transgender if youwill.” Zen’s face became even more puzzled. You could only assumethat for someone who didn’t inform themselves those terms but allsound like the same difference with a whole lot of confusion on top.“I feel like I am a man so I want to become one.” Zen blinked,obviously trying to process what you were saying. Well, at least he’dgotten the message so that was a start. “I heard of that before”he said, nodding slowly. “Are you…sure about it? Maybe it’s justa phase.”

You’dexpected as much. Zen had never been much on the tolerant side whenit came to these things. Even in the chats he’d made some homophobiccomments and he’d hated Seven’s crossdressing. Not to mention thewhole debacle with Vanderwood. Honestly, you’d just wanted to get itoff your chest. “I’m sure. I’ve felt like this since I was a childand for the longest of times I’ve tried to suppress and ignore it butI can’t do that anymore. I want to become a man”, you said with asmuch determination as possible, hoping that your voice wasn’tquivering with the nerves you were feeling. Then he said what you’ddreaded and feared and yet expected the most: “But…I’m not gay?”You’d hoped for a different outcome, obviously, but thanks to havingprepared for this one you didn’t cry. Which was a good thing, seeingas you were in public. “I know”, you said, nodding slowly.

“Whichis why I am telling you know before starting my transition. I’mgiving you an out. I’d rather we break up now, as friends, than endup hating each other during or after the entire process.” Both ofyou were silent for a while after that. Zen looked tense anduncomfortable, obviously avoiding your eye. “I’m sorry”, heeventually said, head hanging low. “I love you but just the thoughtof you…and the…”, he struggled before you cut him off with ahand gesture and a smile. “Say no more. I know what you mean and Iunderstand. You can’t change your sexuality as much as I can’t changewho I am. Expecting as much would be selfish and cruel.” You heldout your hand for Zen to take, patiently waiting until he did so.“Don’t give up on me though.” He shook his head. “Never”, hesaid and he kept his promise. Despite taking a lot of getting used tohe stuck by your side.

★Yoosung★

He’dstruggled a lot when you’d first told him. The two of you had beentogether four years at that point, which at twenty-four was a bigdeal, especially considering your special circumstances. Not onlythat but you’d just recently gotten married, lived together, had akitten together and Yoosung had even mentioned wanting kids. Inshort, the two of you had a life together that Yoosung had consideredto be perfect as it was. The fact that you’d prefer to be a manunderstandably was a shock and quite the disruption. For one, yourmarriage would no longer be legal so you’d basically have to get adivorce the second you officially changed your gender. Secondly,biological children would no longer be an option, something that madeYoosung especially sad. He’d been so excited to be a father,especially if the child was to have your heart and cute smile. Allthat was gone now.There were many more problems, Yoosungknown as much, but he’d chosen to ignore them in favour of blissfulignorance. You were still you, no matter the package, right? All theother problems, like his families and societies reaction as well asthe fact that he wasn’t even attracted to men, were surprisingly easyto ignore in favour of staying by your side like he’d gotten used to.For four years you’d been his muse, his driving force. Only for youand thanks to you had he become the man he was now and Yoosungfeared, above all, that losing you would mean losing himself. Justthe way he did once Rika had disappeared from his life. You weren’tdead, of course, but you still wouldn’t be as much a part of hisdaily routine as you were now. So he said he was fine and fought hisway through his own doubt, deciding to stay with you during theentire process of your transition

Youknew from the beginning that things would change. Of course theywould, as you as a person would change. Finally you could beyourself! Sadly, things didn’t change quite as positively as you’dhoped them to. Despite saying he was fine Yoosung started to keep hisdistance. The day you legally changed your gender and your marriagegot revoked he didn’t speak a word the entire day. You also barelytouched anymore, let alone have sex. Both of you felt isolateddespite being together and both of you started to become more andmore lonely for it. When you tried to talk to Yoosung about it hesaid he was fine. You knew he wasn’t, but what else could you do. Acouple of days later it all seemed to finally fall into place andYoosung came to you, looking for conversation. You talked and youboth decided that neither of you were happy anymore. It didn’t makesense to stay together, so you didn’t.

♨Jaehee♨

Bythe time you’d finally gathered the courage to tell Jaehee you’d beena nervous wreck. It had taken her months upon months to evenentertain the thought that the two of you were more than justplatonic girlfriends, and then some more until she’d finally gottencomfortable with the two of you actually dating. One of her mainconcerns had been the fact that people would talk, that society wouldnever allow you to be together the way you wanted to be and that thetwo of you would suffer for it. Frankly you didn’t even want toimagine how she would react now, mere months after getting together,to the fact that you wanted to change your gender, that you wereactually a man. Just in case you’d prepared for the worst. That wayit wouldn’t hurt as much if it came down to it. However, once you’dactually told her, Jaehee had been astonishingly calm.

She’dasked for a little time to consider everything and obviously you’dgranted her as much. It was the least you could do after droppingsuch a bomb on her. You decided to go to your parents for a while,give her some space to consider all the options like you knew shewould. By the time you returned home Jaehee had been waiting for you,folders filled with all sorts of research she’d done. That eveningshe’d sat you down and explained the whole thing to you instead ofthe other way around. She knew things you hadn’t even considered!Like for example which doctors would be most qualified and how tocover the cost as best as possible. After all, neither of you wererich and while the café was running quite well, it was far frombeing profitable enough to just afford surgery like that. Still, withJaehee’s support and her by your side you were ready to takeeverything on.

Luckilyshe stayed by your side throughout the entire transition as well asafterwards. It was a very hard time and sometimes things got tensebut the two of you got through it all. About a year afterwards Jaeheeeven opened up to you about the fact that she preferred you the wayyou were now. When you’d asked her why she’d explained that not onlywas she more attracted to men, she also liked how your personalityhad changed ever so slightly. You hadn’t even noticed, but she saidthat you smiled much more now and that you seemed more confident thanyou used to be. Not only that but she also liked the way you’d becomea little more protective and aggressive as well. Just how much sheliked your new side she showed you that night. You chose to show yourgratitude for her never ending by finally putting a ring on herfinger.

♛Jumin♛

Youput off telling Jumin for a very long time. So much so that youstarted hating yourself for it. Not only were you stuck in a body youdid not feel was right for you, but you were also being a horrible,stalling coward. However, you knew that your fear was more thanjustified. Jumin and you had rushed into your relationship, passionso all consuming and intense that marriage just could not bepostponed for even a moment longer. You had to have one another andso you did. However, the problem with rushing it that things alwaysget left behind at one point or another. You never had the time toreally and fully get to know one another. The kind of getting to knowone another that takes years and cannot just be felt or skipped. Thekind of knowing one another where you would have been able to mentionyour doubts about yourself and your gender.

Youwere staring at your wedding ring, sitting at the dinner table as youwaited for Jumin to come home. When you heard the door open youinstantly got up, heart beating a mile a minute. The smile Jumin hadhad on his face upon first entering quickly disappeared when he sawthe nervous state you were in, the way you were fidgeting with yourring. He suspected horrible things. Everything from you demandingdivorce to having cheated on him with some other man. Despitepicturing the worst of scenarios never in a million years had heexpected the things you actually told him. The news left himcompletely shocked, sagging into the free chair at the table, pale aswhite as chalk itself. You barely dared to talk, but you just had toknow what was going through his head. Jumin was so dangerously quietand it made you only the more nervous.

A couple of minuteslater he took a deep breath, exhaled through the nose and looked upwith you. His eyes were cold and neutral, like he was preparing forsome kind of business deal, and you could feel the tears springing toyour eyes. “Do you insist on getting sex reassignment surgery?”Your lips were quivering at this point, the first tear running downyour cheek. “Jumin I -”, you began, but he cut you off. “Yes orno.” You nodded, voice barely a whisper when you replied: “Yes, Ido.” That is when he nodded and got up. “If that is how thingsare I fear that our relationship should come to an end. I am neitherinterested in the male gender nor do I find what you are planning todo moral. I am sorry that things have to end this way.” That nighthe’d merely walked out, giving you time to pack your things and leavein private. The next time you saw him was as you signed your divorcepapers.

☼Saeyoung/Seven☼

TellingSaeyoung hadn’t been such a big deal. You had neither really plannedsomething special for it, like sitting him down with dissertationsand pamphlets on the topic, nor had you expected any kind of specialreaction. For one he’d always been the one who liked to wear womensclothing more than you do. People thought he only did it for certaincases and maybe had like five to ten outfits tops? Wrong. Very wrong.His secret closet was bigger than the bedroom in Rika’s apartment andfrankly he had some good shit in there! Like Gucci’s newest springseason type of stuff. Had you not decided to finally give up yourfable attempt to hold onto your femininity you would have been verypissed at him for not telling you about his clothes collection aswell as not sharing it with you. Selfish prick, you would have lookedgood in some of those!

You’dtold him during breakfast and he hadn’t even blinked. He’d justcontinued eating his toast, begging you to pass him some of the salt.The next time it had been brought up it was Saeyoung asking you whenyou planned to start taking the hormones as well as whether you’dlooked at doctors already, because he’d dug up some dirt about someof them so you better pick wisely. After about a year of hormonesyour body had changed quite a bit and you finally felt ready to havethe operation. Once more Saeyoing merely asked you for the date so hecould clear his schedule and be there. He’d probably have offered todo it himself had you given him the opportunity. You’d seen somesuspicious looking books lying around. Joke aside, though, you werehappy that he was supportive of it all. Hell, he even financed theentire thing!

Bythe time you got out of surgery he was waiting for you, eager to see.Obviously a lot of things were swollen so there wasn’t much to see,but the fact that his excitement mirrored yours made you happy. Onthe way home you thanked him for staying so uncommonly calm,admitting that you yourself had been horribly nervous. Him being socool about it had really helped. Saeyoung had laughed and admittedthat he’d almost had three heart attacks during your surgery –obviously he’d hacked the cameras and watched the entire thing –but that he’d known it was the best thing for you. When the swellingwas finally down you couldn’t wait to see your new body in fullglory. You loved it! And from the way Saeyoung looked at it, so didhe. “Man, I can’t wait to get that dick inside of me. Also, my dickinside of you. So many new possibilities!” 

☀Saeran☀

Whenyou told Saeran he literally didn’t care. Like literally. Not in amean kind of way like ‘I don’t give a fuck, it’s just a phase anyway’kind of way. More like a 'good for you, what else is new’ kind ofway. You’d been so surprised you felt taken aback. Had he nothingelse to say? This was quite a big deal to you. You were about to getentirely different genitalia. Everything would change, even smallthings like your voice and body hair and stuff and all he did wasshrug and continue watching some sci-fi movie you couldn’t rememberthe name from? Well fine, at least you didn’t have to fight over it,so you took it as a win. Still, you prepared yourself for some sortof reaction nevertheless. After all news as big as this tend to hitpeople a little later sometimes. You waited and you waited, ready toexplain everything to him, but no reaction ever came leaving youconfused.Months on hormone therapy passed, your voicegradually dropping, hair growing in places it hadn’t before and fatrepositioning itself on your body. You’d even started working out tobuild some muscle and your entire wardrobe had started to change aswell. Still, no reaction came. The two of you just went about yourdaily routine like every other day. One day he even offered to go tothe gym with you because he felt like he was getting a little toolazy now that he didn’t have to do all that footwork for Magenta andMint Eye anymore. And you’d actually gone, just like that. You’dworked out side by side,  like the fact that you could lift more thanhim and had more muscle definition was nothing the two of you shouldmaybe talk about. Even after you’d finally gotten the surgerysuccessfully a nice penis hanging between your legs, he said nothing.

Itwas you who finally snapped. “For fucks sake, Saeran! I have agoddamn cock between my legs and you have nothing to say?!” He’dlooked up from the book head been reading, looked at your dick andthen at your face. “It looks more realistic than I thought itwould?” You’d barely stopped yourself from face-palming. “No Imean damn it, Saeran, I am a man now. Do you have any feelings aboutthat? Any at all?” Once more he just shrugged. “No, I don’t.Listen, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again; I don’t care forwomen. I also don’t care for men. Sex was nothing I even consideredwhile under Magenta and when I did it was because I liked you, notyour genitalia. If you feel more comfortable this way I am happy foryou. After everything we’ve been through, this is no big deal butjust so you know, I’m not taking it up the ass. I’m a pitcher.”

📷Jihyun/V📷

You’dbeen afraid of telling V for many reasons. Mainly because you’dfallen in love with him and losing him was the last thing you wanted,but suspected would happen. On top of that you feared that he mightaccuse you of leading him on or betraying him which was the lastthing you wanted him to think or feel after everything he’d beenthrough with Rika. By the time you’d worked up the courage to tellhim you’d imagined and prepared for every possible outcome fromhorrible bad to very good. You had an apology prepared and an entirespeech about how it was out of your hand and how it would make youhappier and that you hoped he would understand. When you’d finallystammered out an explanation, heart beating a mile a minute, V hadmerely blinked in confused before his featured had evened out andhe’d smiled just the faintest bitIt had been a worse reactionthat you’d first expected. A smile might seem like a good thing, butin this case it really wasn’t. For one you didn’t lose V, as hedidn’t break up with you. Sadly what you thought of as a blessingquickly turned into a curse. Despite the happy go lucky mask V wasputting on you knew that he wasn’t happy at all. You’d learned toread through those things ages ago. Which only made the entiresituation the more uncomfortable, since his discomfort about yourgender only made the entire thing sour for you as well. It gotespecially bad after a couple months of hormone therapy when youfirst started really going to the doctors more regularly and allthat, since your sex assignment surgery date was nearing. V insistedto come to all your appointments with you which would have been awonderful thing, had it not been so horribly forced,Shortlybefore your due date everything finally blew up. “V, just fuckingbreak up with me if you can’t live with the fact that I am soon goingto have a penis. I won’t judge you, okay? I get it, you’re not intomen”, you’d snapped, heaving your breaths as the anger overwhelmedyou. “But I love you…” His voice had been so small, you’d felta little bad. “No, V, you love the idea of me. The one that is soongoing to completely die before your eyes when I get surgery and comeout a different person than the one you fell in love with. Iappreciate you trying to be there for me but honestly I just feellike I’m dragging you along. I know you’re feel guilty for not beingthere for Rika or maybe you feel obliged because I talked you intogetting your eyes fixed, but there is no reason to. Just…say theword and move on. Please?” After that you’d finally talked about itproperly and decided that it was the best decision to in fact breakup, move on and give each other time to heal…maybe with someoneelse.