#it's hard to read intent in your comment anon because it's really just

[erabu-san]

First of all, I would like to thank you so much for all your support and your kind message !! Thank you so much for being patient with me too !! (you will see, I thanks a lot in this post lol)

Haha tbh I believe that ignoring and move on is a great way too! Yeees when I read this anon ask, I was wondering if they are living somewhere where pale person are oppressed and they are personally in this case and it affects them so badly that they have so much hate in them or they are just being hateful toward poc w/o any explication ? It was a bit uncomfortable And what is appealing with Genshin Impact (for me) is the fact that they use real culture to create their game ; even in the last survey, they ask if we like Natlan's authenticity (weird they only ask abt environment and music, i think they know they have issue with character design bahaha). I learn a lot about persian, algerian, but also chinese and even about french culture ! It is because people recognize themself that they start talking about it. I know there is a lot of controversial topic in Natlan, but because of this, I learn a lot on Hawai'i 's culture too. So yes, even if it is fiction, representation *is* important. And it is because they take inspiration of their culture that there is people who want a better representation, and in my opinion, this is something to not ignore !

About taking well what anon said, thank you so much ! If i can be honest tho, I didn't take it very well neither, or just I don't know how do I really felt at the moment I am an adult but I still hard time to distinguish what is morally okay or not, what is bad and good ? So if someone doesn't tell me they are explicitly a bad person with bad intention, I won't get it haha (ofc I grew up and now I identify my value and morals, but I still questionning if my morals are objectively great or not- yeaaah i was called weird for that, I am aware) Since forever I always try to understand other so I can communicate properly (at least I try), and that's why I am always interested on how does people think, why do they react in this specific way etc etc. Pro, I am patient and can take even the most violent take "well" (all depends. I am still a human) Con, I give free speech to those who have a "bad" take </3 and I apologize for that aaaa

KFSDLFSD I wish to express my angryness sometime but I just don't know if it is really adequate What if I interpret their text in wrong way as they initially try to say ? I wasn't feel offended by what they said, I was just uncomfortable because their opinion is something I consider hateful. and what if i was wrong??? But reading you all's opinion just affirm that's they were indeed rude ! I should stop overthink, life would be easier Maybe next time I have a doubt I will ask my friends's opinion before answering ksdkfsf

Oh my god thank you !!! If i can be honest, I draw Kinich this way because when I draw him w a darker skin for the first time, I thought "Oh !!! he looks so cool !!!!" and seeing a lot of positive comment abt my Kinich just makes me happy so I keep him like this ! And thank you for sharing with me informations !<<333 This is not overstepping at all ! And it is a reciprocate feeling anon ! It might be a bit weird but "angry" is such a complex feeling for me. I feel it but I don't really know how to express it in the most healthy way and it is super frustrating. So... seeing people getting mad at something I also disagree on makes me feel better !! And for this, thank you all !

I SNORT SO HAAAARD Damn Macron you again..........!! I didn't put all ask here but I read them all !! Thank you for sharing with me your opinion and reaction, it is truly interesting (and way more relaxing that the hater anon kskskss) !! and again, your support is truly meaningful for me. You all have sincere gratitude Hope y'all have a great day !! Stay hydrated too <3

[not-poignant]

Are Sebastian and Alex going to learn about bdsm and safe practices/negotiation? Or do they keep fumbling around and doing what they're doing?

Hi anon,

People who learn about BDSM don't necessarily practice safe practices or negotiation.

And there are elements of negotiation in this story! It's not a black and white 'they're not doing this in a paint-by-numbers sort of way and therefore it doesn't count' situation, y'know?

They are two characters in their mid-20s who live in a tiny town, one of those characters is dyslexic to the point that he can barely read, and the other's method of doing things has worked for him all his life (or so he thinks), they don't have any reason/s to learn about BDSM, and it's not likely that either of them ever will.

That also doesn't mean that they can't enjoy their kinky sex life.

There has been a lot of discussion already, and there will be more and more going forwards. It might not be at the level most people want, but Sebastian has certainly obtained consent (more than once), offered and then insisted on debriefs and post-sex discussion, explained to Alex how to communicate if he hates something, and made it clear that what he likes is unusual and sadistic in nature. It's also clear that Alex likes being pushed, i.e. - not being forced to give consent in every circumstance when someone can take control and give him what he wants anyway. That's actually pretty common in some people with a child abuse background who become people pleasers.

If you want negotiation + safe practices at a certain level, you'd have to completely remake Alex's character into someone who can magically be a functional, communicative, healthy human being, and he's not that. Alex is getting better at communicating (that's how we go this far in the story in the first place), but if you expect this story to end on Alex being a perfect human who can do Instagram-level kink negotiation, then no, this isn't the story you want, anon.

If you look deeper and don't expect cookie cutter kinds of dialogue, there has been ongoing negotiation in the story since the early chapters. When Alex makes it clear through physical response and then verbal that he doesn't like yelling, Sebastian stops yelling. When Sebastian makes it clear that he has complicated feelings about hiring his ex-school bully as a cleaner, Alex makes it clear that he doesn't share those complicated feelings, especially in light of the pay rate. Sebastian consenting to Alex being his cleaner makes it clear that those terms are acceptable to him.

When Alex tries to undervalue himself, Sebastian makes it clear that he's not comfortable paying someone less simply because they value themselves less. When Alex then takes that pay, it's a form of consent to Sebastian's attitudes. Their relationship has been an ongoing negotiation since the beginning, and that's how they've grown closer. If you're used to only looking for very obvious signs of negotiation, it might be easy to miss the non-verbal and subtle forms of negotiation that are happening.

For example, it might not seem like it, but Sebastian - many chapters ago now - talking about how he likes control in the bedroom and that turning Alex on long before they'd ever shared anything sexual together, is a form of communication. Alex learns he likes the idea of it without it ever been forced on him, and Sebastian wouldn't have that conversation with someone he didn't trust (for example, Alex in the beginning of the story). They had to have trust to have that conversation, Alex had to have trust to ask Sebastian questions about it in the oblique way he did, and they had to share a common comfortability have a conversation in that direction in the first place.

In A Stain that Won't Dissolve, these things don't look like a psychologist's version of: 'Okay, what do you want, and this is what I want, and here's where we meet in the middle' - a lot of life doesn't look like this (but if you want that, I've written that in Falling Falling Stars - it still has dubious consent though, lol). Both Alex and Sebastian have poor communication on their side, and it's a growth story for the two of them.

But no, I have no intention of Sebastian ever learning terms like 'subspace' or 'RACK' or anything like that. A lot of people in the world, especially prior to easy access to the internet, figured this stuff out on their own and many of them made it work even without the rigid or codified structures of the world of BDSM (and some of those people went on to invent the world of BDSM that we take for granted today).

It's the kinks that make you kinky, not the knowledge of an acronym or the world it engenders.

There's also no reason to think that Sebastian has access to a healthy education about BDSM there, it's not like Elliott was practicing much healthy BDSM in my other Stardew fic, The Wind that Cuts the Night, :D Elliott knew all about safe practices, negotiation, and BDSM, and chose to ignore a lot of the safe stuff over messing around more dangerously.

The fumbling around is the point, basically. Growing up is messy, and dubious consent is hot (for some of us), and there are many ways we communicate with the people around us, especially when it's two guys in a town the valourises machismo and stoicism over emotional openness, and one of those guys was beaten by his father over not being macho and strong enough which makes him exceptionally resistant to communicating clearly even about basic subjects and needs.

That's the part I actually really love about this story.

[warmspice]

I feel like uve been though this

What should i do if (and i have) fallen in love with another one of my closest friends

HI ANON!! I'm sorry this is late I got this and I sat and thought and also asked around about it.

After market research and thought crowd sourcing I suppose there are two trains of thought;

One is just flirt w them. See how they react or vibe and you can kind of determine if you'd want to confess from there if they're open or interested. (I recently met someone who was telling me abt how she got a friend turned girlfriend but truly did not think she had a chance w her at all! Sometimes life is actually a movie. Or a book. And you have to put yourself out there and try and see if that's something that perhaps the other person wants as well. )

And the second is literally just sit in it and suffer through it. Maybe maybe you want to find someone else. Or distance yourself a bit to get over them. Which!! I can imagine would be hard and awful but also you don't want to pine after someone forever if there's no chance of them returning those feelings because you!!! Deserve to be love in the way you love someone yknow!!!!

It all comes down to you and your friend and your relationship I think.

[gorgeouslypink]

Why They Entered the Void and You Haven't

One of the most popular things that I hear from my anons is complaints about how other people are able to enter the void so easily whereas the anon has been trying so hard and struggling forever. This was something that frustrated me a lot during my void journey too. I would log onto tumblr and everyday people who had just found out about the void state would meditate for 5 minutes and enter or just set an intention to wake up in and wake up in the void state and get to live their dream life. Something that really frustrated me was subliminals. Subliminal comment sections would be flooded with people who listened once or twice and entered whereas I would consistently listen for weeks and not get any tangible results. Even on my page, I always talk about compatibility but why are some people compatible with certain methods and others aren't, especially when you want to enter a certain way that so many people have entered but can't. It's super annoying and frustrating which sparks questions: why is it so easy for some people and not for others? why did they enter and you haven't?

The answer is very easy: the law of assumption!

I genuinely don't care if your a states girly or affirm and persist girl or a SATS girl or a subliminals girl or whatever else, all of these methods come back and tie into the main principal behind loa: Whatever you assume is true is the truth. Your assumptions harden into fact and become your reality. This is the basis of the law and it dictates our lives and it is the ideology behind all the methods as well. And this is why some people enter the void easily or with a certain methods while others struggle for months. We are all Gods but the difference between all of us is our assumptions and our assumptions are what leads to our compatibilities and our experiences during our void state journey.

This is why my favorite void tumblr era was the self concept/void concept era. Tumblr was overflowing with success stories for one simple reason; people weren't struggling over methods, they went straight to the root problem which was their void concept and once they fixed that, their 3d had no choice but to obey.

This is why I hate when people start complaining about methods or how challenges don't work or about bloggers. The problem will never be something external, the problem has always been you and your void concept.

You don't believe in loa. Kinda weird how you believe in the void state but not loa but just keep trying different methods and hopefully you find one compatible with you and your assumptions right now. Good luck! But if you understand what I'm saying, then there are 2 ways that we can go about this:

1. Fix your void concept. Choose whatever method you want. All of them work. States works, Intention works, Affirm and Persist works, Subliminals work, SATS works (personally my own recommendation), all the methods work. I highly recommend reading some manifestations books and trying to understand the law yourself (my personal recommendation is At Your Command by Neville Goddard, just search it up on Google and a free pdf pop ups). Understand the law and you will realize how imperative it is for life in general and the way you interpret the law will show you which method to pursue. Edward Art started off reading Neville and he interpreted the law into the practice of states which has been helping many people. I read a few of Neville's books and how I interpreted it lead me to SATS. Maya (@charmedreincarnation) who I think is one of the best bloggers on here for loa intepreted the law and uses intention. Do your own reading and see how you interpret it. Once you change your assumptions and fix your void concept, you are guaranteed to enter the void. It doesn't matter if you want to wake up in it or use yoga nidra, you will enter because that's how your assumptions will be.

2. The second way was the method I shared before my hiatus, but I think Maya's directions for it are more clearer so make sure to read this. Basically, in this method is just the intention method but on crack. The specific steps puts you in the ideal place where your intention will manifest do if you just intend to wake up in the void state, it will. You are using the law to use your advantage but are bypassing the things that hinder manifestations from being instant. Here are two success stories using this method: one and two.

I recommend combining both these ways and just entering tonight. For whatever reason, you can't do the second way, I don't want to hear any complaining. You know the problem is you. Use the first way, fix your void concept, and enter the void state. If you ask me, Im always going to be recommending SATS but just read Neville's books on your own and see what speaks to you. I also really recommend watching this wizardliz video for motivation.

I believe in you guys and I can't wait to see all the success stories.

[arnaerr]

The way you misconstrued my comment about your "haha feel bad about being poor" reply with your twitter post.

I'm 100% in support of you selling your shit, like go hard. Make that money. I just think you basically saying "you're too poor to support artists you like you should feel bad about it" is shitty to your supporters who are poor as fuck and unable to buy from you but would if they could.

I get you were pissed about that person's first comment. It just made me, who's poor as shit who can only support you through reblog and retweets feel like shit. Like you think badly about people like me who try to support their fav artists the best they can. That because we can't afford to financially support you that you think badly of us.

I know it wasn't your intention to alienate your non paying supporters but damn did it come off that way.

I said already, this phrase was a joke to piss off the first anon. And you sending that second ask was tone deaf af. I appreciate the support of all of my followers, be it likes or donates, or just thoughts and prayers.

I want to support many artists with money really hard. But at this point I can barely afford to pay bills. But you know what I do about it? everything else except sending ANON asks to the creators who have enough problems as it is already with everything that is going on currently with ai and so on. I didn't say anywhere that I don't appreciate my followers who can support me only with likes and reblogs.

I’m sorry friend but you’re actually unable to read my mind as I am not able to read yours. That being said, I don’t have to feel bad for whatever thoughts your brain has produced and it’s not my responsibility to deal with you being triggered by other person trying to survive.

[the-little-ewok]

Hard at work

Santiago Garcia X F!Reader

Rating : E/18+

Word count : 3800 (ish)

Warnings : SMUT, office setting (power play dynamics), PIV, unprotected sex, fingering, Dom!Santi (pretty soft), oral (f/receiving), lil bit dirty talk, reader wears a skirt, fluff, semi public sex (I guess. But not really?), Marking, *additional warnings under the fic at the end because spoilers ( nothing bad)

Prompts / summary : “I’m afraid I can no longer remain professional.”, "I think I've made my intentions clear", "Noone needs to know" / Santiago Garcia is your boss. And you should absolutely not be fucking your boss on his desk during the work day…

A/N : I've chosen to put some warnings at the end of the fic as I want to keep a couple of surprises. Nothing bad or super triggering I promise. But if you are worried please check before you read.

Thank you Vi for the hilarious tongue in cheek title 😂 and to the anon who requested!

Please if you read take time to reblog and maybe leave a comment or a couple of tags! The only way writers keep writing is if they hear from you.

------------

Ping

S. Gacia: I need to talk to you in my office. Now.

You stare at the message on your computer screen, debating if you could think of a good enough excuse not to go, unsure if you could keep your composure when you were alone with your boss today.

It wasn't that you were avoiding him exactly. You liked your boss, you really did. He was hard working, fair, supportive, maybe a little demanding at times, well, actually demanding all the time, but he was hot, in a sort of 'your daughter calls me daddy too' kinda way. He had the eye of every girl in the office, yours included. Most people would be glad to have a boss like him.

The problem was he always seemed to find an excuse to be inappropriate with you — pressing up against you as he leans over you to get a coffee mug out of the cupboard in the break room, brushing his hand against your thigh during meetings, looking at you, and not just a normal look, a complete undressing eye fuck that made your face heat and your thighs press together. He made you want him all the damn time.

And while so far nothing has happened at work, everyone else in the office has noticed the growing situation between you. Disappearing away from your pc to meet with him would only add fuel to the fire.

Ping.

S. Garcia : When I say now, I mean now.

With no good excuses coming to mind you get up with a sigh, smoothing down your skirt and making your way over to his office.

The door is pushed open already, Santiago sitting at his desk, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to his elbows, the top few buttons undone, giving an air of relaxedness, but you can tell he's anything but. Your heart gives a now all too familiar flutter in your chest.

"Mr Garcia?"

You tap the door lightly to get his attention. He gestures you in with a silent wave of his hand, barely looking away from the laptop as you step into the room.

"One moment, and shut the door" he instructs you, tapping away at the keys and muttering in Spanish to himself. You swallow hard as you close the door behind you.

Eventually, your boss sighs, rubbing his hands down his face and shutting his laptop.

"Is everything okay?" You venture inquisitively. Perhaps whatever has frustrated him is the reason he called you in here? Maybe he needs your help with work?

Santiago gets up from his desk, coming around to stand in front of you, just a few steps from where you awkwardly shuffle your feet, waiting for him to speak.

"We need to talk."

You can't help but go through a mental rolodex of things you might have done that you need to talk about with him, but nothing comes to mind.

"I'm afraid I can no longer remain professional," he continues, leaning back against the polished wood with a sigh, as though it's your fault, as though you've done something to encourage him. Perhaps you have. You did specifically pick this outfit today, hoping it would spark his attention, and as his eyes roam a slow trail from your toes to your face, licking his lips, you know it worked, but maybe a little too well.

You choose the innocence card, pretending there hasn't been an underlying tension since you started working together.

"I'm not sure what you mean?"

He doesn't even hesitate for a second before he answers, clearly expecting your response. His dark eyes bore into yours, blatant desire shining through.

"I think you are."

You swallow hard. Sure you might have hoped to get a reaction out of him, but you hadn't actually expected it to work. Especially not when there were specific rules in place about office relationships, especially during work hours.

"No one needs to know," he offers slickly, like putting a deal on the table, some form of forbidden contract. He steps towards you, then around you, coming to stand at your back, close enough that you can feel the warmth from his body.

He leans into you, gripping your upper arms and then slowly allowing his palms to slide down, his lips grazing the shell of your ear as he whispers.

"It's just us in here. Nobodys going to know what happens here today." His hands ghost over the tips of your fingers, continuing down, stepping closer so his body is pressed up against yours.

"Mr Garcia, I don't think this is the time. We have…we have… work to do." You stutter out as his hands map the curve of your hips, pressing himself against your back. Even as you speak your body leans back against him, tilting your head back onto his shoulder, betraying your every thought about him. You can almost feel the smug smile he's probably wearing, knowing he was right in his assumption that this isn't one sided, and that you really aren't thinking about the work piled on your desk.

Your eyes flutter closed as he presses a trail of kisses down your neck, before his tongue licks its way back up to take your earlobe in his teeth, tugging gently.

"Work can wait. I think I've made my intentions clear," he breathes against your skin. He says it like you have a choice about what happens next. Like there's any possible world in which you would say no.

But you aren't going to let him have the upper hand entirely. You can't just collapse into his arms and beg him to fuck you. He might be your boss, but that doesn't mean you can't have your own fun too.

"I'm really not sure I understand what you mean? Perhaps you'll have to be a little more direct, sir."

There's a hitch in his breath that lets you know the sir hit exactly the way you expected it to.

What you aren't quite expecting is the way he nudges you forward before pressing a hand between your shoulders, forcing you down, bending over his desk. The touch isn't violent or forceful, he isn't the sort of man to do that, but it's commanding enough for you to willingly follow the direction.

Taking both your hands in his he presses them down onto the desk, leaning over you.

"I can make my intentions as clear as you need," he growls, standing back up. "Don't move, or you're fired."

You'd like to think you know him well enough that it's probably an empty threat, but damn does it make your pussy flutter anyway. You press your palms harder against the cool wood, resigned to let him do as he wills with you.

His hands slip across your hips and down over your ass, admiring your position, before he hooks his fingers under the edge of your skirt and raises it, just a little. He's testing you. It's a silent request about how far you want this to go.

You don't move to stop him, so he lifts your skirt the rest of the way, almost delicately slowly, hitching it up over your hips.

He gives a soft hum of appreciation at the pretty lace panties you're wearing, the ones already starting to soak through with your arousal at the fact your boss has you bent over his desk, admiring your ass.

"Pretty," he drawls, pulling back the elastic and letting it snap against your skin, giving a stinging bite and making you gasp. "Not very work appropriate though."

You open your mouth to offer a sarcastic response that people at work don't usually see your panties, but the words catch in your throat as he slides his fingers into the waistband and tugs them down quickly, letting them fall the rest of the way, fully exposing you.

Not satisfied with that, he uses his foot to tap your ankle, encouraging you to lift first one foot, then the other, stepping out of your panties before he kicks them to one side.

"Spread your legs."

If you weren't wet before the gush of arousal you have at his words certainly soaks you now. It isn't a question, it isn't a request, it's an instruction, a command. You spread your legs just a little.

Santiago nudges them further apart with his foot, spreading you for his benefit, before he grabs your ass, squeezing as he surveys you with a groan.

"You're practically dripping on my carpet," he comments, making your face heat.

You hear the whisper of fabric and glancing behind you you see him kneel on the floor, his hands dropping to your thighs, fingers digging into your flesh.

He meets your shocked gaze.

"Now let me be very, very clear in what I want."

The broken noise that leaves your throat as he licks a hot stripe through your folds isn't one you've ever made before, your body jolting forward on the desk.

Your rational brain tells you this is a bad idea. You should be working, not letting your boss eat you out on his desk of all places. But then he seals his lips over your clit, sucking hard, and you can't seem to care about work anymore.

You quickly realise he's too good at this, too good at making you tremble all too quickly, taking long slow laps at your clit, pressing his hot tongue deep inside you, growling and groaning as though you were the best thing he's tasted. He has you on the edge of a climax in no time.

Your fingers dig into the hardwood, curling around the edge of the desk, biting out a curse as his tongue completes another slow circle around your clit.

You wish you could see him, tangle your fingers in his short curls, direct him how to throw you over the edge, but you suspect he knows exactly how, and he's dragging this out for his own pleasure.

"Mr Garcia…Santiago…" you hiccup pleadingly, barely able to get enough air in your lungs.

You don't know if it's mercy or torture when his mouth leaves you, giving a playful bite to your ass before he gets to his feet, gently tugging you up, unpeeling you off the desk, his hands on your waist, steadying you on wobbling legs as he spins you to face him.

"Clear now?" He asks, almost impatiently. His eyes are dark, your slick still shining on his chin as he makes a show of licking his lips.

"That was…pretty clear," you breathe shakily.

He smirks as he takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger, holding you still as he presses his lips to yours, allowing you to taste yourself as his tongue slips into your mouth.

It's not the type of kiss you're expecting from him. He kisses you sensually, tenderly, it's slow and decadent. He lets go of your chin in order to slide his hand around the back of your neck, holding you to him as his tongue slides against yours, drawing soft little moans from you.

When he pulls away your lips are kiss swollen and your fingers are tangled in his curls the way you wanted to do only moments ago.

"I want to fuck you here, on my desk," he whispers against your lips. "I want to stain the wood with your cum so there's always a part of you in here with me."

Oh fuck.

You don't answer initially, forcing down the moan of desire that tries to escape. Instead, you lift yourself up onto the desk, feeling the cool wood against your heated skin, before you curl your fingers around the white collar of his shirt, pulling him close to you. You're done waiting. You're done playing. You're done being professional.

"So fuck me already."

His mouth crashes into yours, kissing you hard as you both scramble to unbuckle his pants. He's barely shoved them down before his hands are gripping your thighs, tugging you roughly forward to the edge of the desk, lining himself up at your entrance, his actions messy and impatient.

Even so, he presses into you slowly, allowing you to adjust to the stretch that borders pleasure and pain, swallowing each of your moans with his kisses, letting out a low groan as he bottoms out, giving a soft nip of his teeth to your bottom lip.

"Fuck, you feel so good. Pussy is so wet for me," he slurs, taking your chin back in his fingers, forcing you to look at him. "How much have you thought about fucking your boss you filthy girl?"

Ring. Ring.

The sharp trill of the phone cuts in, making you both pause, turning to look at it mocking you from its space next to the laptop.

Shit. No. Not now. The timing could not be any worse. You need this. You've waited too long for this.

Santiago looks at you, his gaze questioning. You shake your head, silently pleading with him not to answer, not to put an end to this yet.

He lets out a soft curse, glancing over to the phone and reading the caller ID.

"Be quiet," he hisses, leaning over you and to your shock, clicking the answer button.

You don't quite know how to react as he grabs one of your thighs, hoisting it up over his hip, forcing his cock deeper as he starts to thrust into you. It steals the breath from your lungs and you let out a choked noise, throwing a hand over your mouth to smother it, still shocked he's actually taking this call.

Santiago lets out a quiet laugh at your reaction as he speaks on the phone, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Fish, what's up?"

"Just checking in on how things are going," the man on the phone answers easily, clearly unaware of the position your boss was in.

"Hard at work," Santiago answers, thrusting deeply into you with the last word, and you squeeze your eyes shut, desperately muffling your moans of pleasure.

You can't believe he's doing this, casually carrying on a conversation as he leisurely rocks into you. Your mind can't really keep up with the discussion— something about a BBQ on the weekend — too distracted in concentrating on keeping quiet, and hoping the wet squelch of your pussy isn't being picked up on the call.

You bury your face into his neck, trying not to allow the pleasure threading through you to give you both away. It's an uphill battle. Each steady thrust pushes you closer, your pussy already sensitive from his earlier ministrations.

You're not expecting it when he turns his head, his teeth biting down on your pulse point. It's just enough to send a shock through your system, making your eyes snap open, and your pussy clamp down on his cock.

Santiago's eyes go wide and it's him that lets out a choked moan, clearly far louder than he intended to. There's a beat of silence in the conversation as he scrambles for the phone receiver.

You have a moment of smug satisfaction at his panic, but the joy is fleeting, as when his eyes are back on you, smouldering and dark, phone in his hand, you realise you are in trouble. A lot of trouble.

"I'll call you back."

Click. With the press of a button the phone call ends, the receiver clattering noisily back onto the desk. Santiago's hands grip your hips, his fingers digging in hard enough there will be marks.

"You shouldn't have done that."

You have a moment of panic that he's going to end this, leave you on the edge, unsatisfied, and send you back to your desk desperate and needy. But instead, he pulls almost all the way out of you, before slamming his hips into yours.

You let out a strangled moan. Every time you think he can't possibly go deeper, he angles his hips and sinks in further. You want to scramble back on the desk, give yourself a moment to breathe, to think, to process the bliss, but Santiago's hands grip your thighs, holding you in place as you fall back on your elbows, splayed out across his desk, being used solely for his pleasure.

Santiago follows your movement, bending himself over you, causing the angle of his thrusts to change just slightly and hit something bright inside you. Pens and papers clatter noisily to the floor as the desk rocks with you. In a desperate attempt to stop yourself from suddenly being pushed over the other side, you grab onto his shoulders, holding yourself in place.

There's a growing blissful ache in your pussy and muscles that lets you know you'll still feel this tomorrow.

But you don't care, you can't care. All you care about is the knot in your stomach tightening, your muscles straining, your vision whiting out. All you care about is the pleasure careening through you.

Your pussy clamps down around him, your nails digging into his shoulders as your climax bursts through you. You give all pretence at being quiet, throwing your head back as you all but scream his name, uncaring who hears.

"Fuck, Santiago!"

The clench of your pussy drags him over the edge with you, and he muffles a growl into your neck, filling you with hot bursts of cum.

He pauses there, buried deep inside you, your pussy still pulsing as you come down. Lifting his head he captures your lips in a sweet kiss, his hands tenderly massaging your thighs, slipping up your back to pull you to sit up, holding you against him.

When he eventually pulls away, his eyes roam your face, taking in your dishevelled appearance, pressing a final gentle kiss to your lips, before he slips out of you, pulls his pants back up and disappears around the other side of the desk.

You slide off shakily, your skirt still bunched up around your waist, turning to watch him throw himself down into the office chair, your panties dangling from his fingers like a hard won prize, back to his cocky, self assured, smug self. All traces of the softness he had only moments ago, wiped away.

"You won't be needing these back," he grins, opening his top drawer to drop your panties inside, before snapping it shut, his gaze daring you to protest as you stand open mouthed.

"Can I at least have something to clean-"

"No." He cuts you off, going back to clicking through his emails on his computer.

You have the realisation that he expects you to walk back to your desk with his cum still dripping down your thighs. You imagine the stain on your skirt, on your chair, one that probably won't ever fully come out, the stain like the one currently staring at you from the wood of his desk, a constant reminder of this day.

It shouldn't make your pussy clench the way it does.

You swallow, pulling down your skirt, ignoring the slick already coating your thighs, and give him a defiant stare.

"Very well. Will that be all Mr Garcia?" You mock sarcastically. If he was going to go back to professional, then so were you.

He doesn't even glance at you as he answers, dismissing you as though nothing has happened.

"For now. But don't go far. I don't think it will be long before I need to see you again."

You suppress a smile as you leave.

~

"Still working hard?"

Looking up from the document you've barely typed a word on all afternoon, you meet the gentle gaze of your boyfriend.

His eyes crinkle as he smiles warmly at you.

"Yeah, I haven't really managed to get much done," you sigh, glancing back to the half written document, knowing it's a lost cause for now.

"You look tired, baby. Your boss working you too hard?"

"He's pretty unforgiving," you hum, rubbing your eyes, your body aching with exhaustion. "Three times he had me in his office today."

Your boyfriend lets out a low impressed whistle.

"Harsh. Well, how about you leave whatever you're doing for now? I'm sure your boss will be okay with it being finished tomorrow. I'll run you a bath, make some dinner, then we can relax in front of the TV? Your choice of movie."

"That actually sounds perfect," you smile, logging out of the pc and getting to your feet, stretching your cramped muscles.

He holds his hand out to you as you come around the desk, pulling you into his arms and giving you a sweet kiss.

"I told you having two home offices would be fun," Santiago grins, his eyes bright.

Giggling, you shake your head.

"Yes, but I don't think we got any work done!"

Santiago shrugs nonchalantly.

"Guess that's the perks of being with the boss. I'll let you get away with it and make it up tomorrow." He winks and you laugh, knowing you both have a huge amount of work to catch up on now.

When he'd suggested you work with him you'd been hesitant for this exact reason. But he'd promised to keep quiet about your relationship initially, while you settled into the job, and for the most part, Santiago was professional in the office, although your colleagues had started to notice his almost blatant eye fucks. If you were honest, you didn't help the situation, sending him filthy chat messages, knowing he couldn't have you until you made it home. It turned out professionalism when you wanted to fuck your boss, was hard work.

You squeeze his hand as he leads you to the bathroom.

"Santi, can I have my panties back?"

"Nope," he grins positively merrily. "I'm going to frame them and put them next to the stain on my desk."

You roll your eyes, unsure if he's joking or not, but judging by the look on his face, you think not.

—----

Additional warnings (ending spoilers):

*illusions to infidelity/cheating (it's not I promise)/ role playing

-----

Thank you for reading! Please if you enjoyed take the time to comment and reblog! As writers we always want to hear your thoughts!

[yuseirra]

I really love your kamiai comics. The warm stories about their communication and interaction completely make up for my regret of not being able to see how they get along in the original work. btw, your analysis is also very good. I like it very much.Can't wait for your next update!❤️

(A small something before I start typing)

Thank you so, so much dear anon!! This really lifts my spirits up so much, you're very kind to expend your time to send me positivity. I appreciate it because I'm the shy type. I know how hard it can be to muster up the courage to talk to someone sometimes. So when I receive messages like this, I get really happy... it'd be nice if the people who were able to send me some kindness felt it was paid back :) I may not be able to reply fast but I try to get back so please be patient with me 'v')9!

HHngh thanks! I'm rereading your ask every word and savoring it! These two don't get that much screen time but what's been shown is really significant, they did have their moments! I'm so glad you feel the way you do after reading my comics and interpretations of them, that's the best reaction I could ever want from someone!! There are still things that are left ambiguous and are yet to be unfolded(I hope it does get explained more) so I'm worried as I draw them out sometimes... but reading this makes me feel empowered!! I feel like I've been doing pretty well, that's what your comment does for me. I'll do my best to think up something good to share with you, thanks for sharing your feelings with me!

Speaking of which, I have another analysis!! I'd like to share it with you here, I'd been writing it up earlier and it's not entirely unrelated to the hikaai situation:

I think it might have been Nino who's sent Ryosuke to Ai. Based on the behavioral patterns, Nino is the type who'd impulsively do something extreme in a fit of anger and later regret it. Even Nino might not have anticipated things would unfold this way, however. The phrase, "I only meant to scare them, I never thought they'd actually die," seems more like how Nino would feel about the situation, rather than Kamiki to be honest? That's a very absurd thing to say, but considering Nino's relationship with Ai, Nino might have been in a blinded, irrational state because she almost worships Ai. So, it's possible that she genuinely didn't think it would turn out this way somehow... she's a teenage girl with a lot of mood swings.

There’s a common scenario in horror movies where a second-place person, driven by jealousy, does something reckless, thinking, "If only the top person were gone, I could..." but not truly realizing the consequences. (It happens a lot as an east-asian trope) Jealousy has the power to paralyze rational thinking. Nino not only hated Ai, but she likely had a twisted affection for her as well. When Ai disappeared, she probably fell apart.

It's hard to imagine Kamiki acting this way, right? He wouldn’t have been unaware of the danger of sending someone like Ryosuke to his girlfriend. If this character did something like that, it would have to be out of serious malice or murderous intent, but Kamiki doesn't seem like the type to harbor such cruel emotions toward Ai. (Or just anyone at all, actually; we never really see him lashing out towards people. Even when he brings Ryosuke, or Airi up... he.. actually talks in a pretty soft sense despite they're absolutely horrible individuals. Even adds a -san and -kun to their names; I was surprised.) In Nino's case, on the other hand, it might have been something done without much thought, as her actions suggest she has that kind of streak. She’s the type who can say, "I wish you'd just die!" to someone but then cry if it actually happens. Her emotions fluctuate a lot.

We also have to note that Hikaru is just as good of a liar as Ai is. He's really used to lying, and that's what's brought him and Ai to relate to each other, bring them together and a crucial characteristic that's had Ai deem "he's the same as her". When he says he's the one who sent Ryosuke as he mentions "he wanted Ai to feel the same despair he's felt", we don't see his face and we only see him from the back. This is similar to the panel where Ai says "I can't love you", which was a well-meant but a really hurtful lie. Hikaru believed Ai and Aqua wants revenge on him. I think he may have tried to save Aqua of feeling even a slight sense of pity towards him as a person, making sure he really isn't worth feeling that way about. In fact, we don't see his expressions at all in that entire sequence, and what he says feels so off and ridiculous for a person with common sense to say. I feel like a lot of it could be a lie. AND I feel like he was putting on a facade for most of the scenes he's been in before the final arc- before he came to meet the twins. He's probably always been pretending to be okay with a smile on his face but he probably was pretty despairing and dead inside (his eyes turn black when he's in despair, you know)

At least so far in the story, Kamiki has never shown much interest in Ai's idol activities in the scenes he's been in. Instead, it was Ai who learned something from Kamiki. The fact that Ai is an idol, a star who attracts attention, was never portrayed as particularly important to Kamiki during their relationship. Ryosuke is a big fan of Ai as an idol, but there’s no clear reason why Kamiki would connect with someone related to Ai in that way. To Kamiki, Ai was like a light—a single, unique person he deeply depended on and loved, as if he could live with just her by his side, yeah, but it's a little different from viewing her as a idol. He probably depended on her a lot, but it seems he loved her not because she was an idol or someone shiny and valuable, but because she was someone who could understand and care for him. He doesn’t have the mentality of "I can't forgive an imperfect Ai." That kind of anger, resentment, or desire to make Ai suffer seems more likely to come from Nino. Kamiki even seems to think it’s natural that Ai wouldn’t like him back. He’s too accustomed to that feeling.

Kamiki’s actions suggest a certain helplessness. He seems to accept everything without resistance, always at a loss for words. This has been consistent from the moment he was introduced. When he asked Ai, "You love me, right? You won’t leave me, right?" and her response was something like, "I don’t know," he ended up going outside and crying in the rain. When he was gaslit by Airi in an absurd way, he despaired and stood there, frozen in panic. Even when Ai said something harsh and broke up with him, he couldn’t say anything back. Even 15 years later, he watches a video and is rendered speechless, reaches out to Ai, and curls up. This sort of behavior is so consistent that I realize this character doesn’t have any self-defense. He just accepts everything as his fault and internalizes it. It’s like he’s been so used to terrible things happening to him from a very young age that he doesn’t even think "I hate this" but rather, "People like it when I do this, so this must be right." With that kind of mentality, he gets pushed around. He seems to accept every negative judgment about himself and engages in self-destructive behavior.

The likelihood of this character doing something aggressive like sending Ryosuke to Ai is, in my opinion, less than 2%. Suddenly lashing out four whole years after the breakup? He probably went to cry after he got the phone call. Didn't he just reach his drinking age? Maybe he went to drink for the first time because he was so distressed after receiving the call… and somehow, in that state, he met Ryosuke and accidentally let the address slip, which led to Ai’s death, and now he feels like he has to save her with all he's got. Ai's the one who saved him, and it's kind of natural for him to feel like "Now I should save her in return, I don't care what happens to me!" That would make sense, right? The lyrics, the character’s personality—it all fits if you take it this way. And his personality doesn’t seem to have changed all so much actually. While reading the manga, I thought, "What’s with his way of speaking? He has such low self-esteem." Now, reading it again, it feels like he’s deeply immersed in self-blame.

The song Fatal starts with the lyrics being:

Waking up from another dream, I open my wet eyelids I curse my helplessness from those far days which dreadfully remain Will this despair that burns my body feed me someday? I keep burning myself from it as I crave adoration

This is totally how Kamiki would feel after he learns about Ai's death, if that's not what he's ever expected to happen. He'd be in utter despair and feel so helpless about not having been able to do anything as the only love of his life die like that. That's why he's so desperate in the entire song,

Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?

These sets of lyric's too intense for it to be Aqua's, but it fits his dad's mentality perfectly. Kamiki's life's been so miserable.

Ai is an exceptionally well-crafted character. When you consider the details, like the story of her trauma from the glass shards in her white rice (which broke my heart when I read it), you can see how much thought the author put into crafting her psychology.

Why write a story where she asks a favor to her own dear children to help out the person who's the very cause of her death? How could that character be portrayed as if they truly, desperately loved Ai? Isn’t that incredibly cruel to Ai, the victim? If it were me, I wouldn’t write the story that way. I don't think the writer would have either. I really feel that Hikaru isn’t the type of character who would do something like that. And since Ai’s affection for that character aligns with that sort of interpretation, with it being really consistent, I think… it's a lie and a misunderstanding.

I think that, unable to forgive himself for unintentionally leaking the address and thus contributing to Ai’s death, Hikaru wanted to be punished and ended up telling Aqua a ridiculous lie. If someone could open Ai’s heart to that extent, it could only mean that this person was genuinely beloved by her. For someone as wounded as Ai, finding a person she wanted to love that deeply isn’t easy. But if that character had committed such a terrible act, what would it mean? It would feel so unsettling. It would conclude that Ai failed to find someone to love, that she trusted the wrong person, and that the protagonists’ father was someone who harmed their mother. When you consider what the manga is ultimately trying to say, the less responsible the character Ai loved is for her death, and the more genuine their feelings for Ai, the greater the impact would be. It would also make sense in the context of Ai, who wanted to give love, finally finding someone deserving of it.

I couldn’t form a solid opinion until Chapter 154 and Fatal came out. I wasn’t sure how things would turn out and just watched. But after those chapters, I felt that this interpretation was correct. When you interpret it this way, it aligns with the psychological depictions throughout the story. It’s not that I deliberately interpreted it favorably because I liked this couple, but rather that as I analyzed it, this interpretation made sense, which made me more favorable towards them. There's certainly a difference between the two.

I was really happy when I received your message and a few other ones saying that my interpretation was warm, persuasive, and made you appreciate this ship ;v;.. Oh, I really want to get this right too... thanks guys, I very appreciate your kind words, sorry if what I say turns out to be wrong but I am trying my best!!

I take psychology very seriously, so if this turns out to be right, I’d be thrilled! This is what makes the most sense for me at this point, so I'll hold onto it until things clear up~

Again, super long reply! I hope you're okay with it, anon! Lots of love, thanks for the cheers and kind words!!

[thesonicpunk]

youre so right that the way kishimoto limits sakura bc of his own misogyny reflects the things girls often face irl. based on what ive seen from interviews, kishimoto is the kind of male writer who thinks women need inherently be written differently from and have different types of stories than men, and it creates this weird self-fulfilling prophecy whereby believing he's not good at writing girls, he ends up being bad at writing girls. but somehow it sometimes circles back around to making him good at it? the struggle of always feeling like you're second-best to the men in your life...but by focusing only on trying to surpass them you just end up centering yourself around them even when you've forged your own path...shes so girlhood to me

aaaa anon ur egging me on ahah (i love it, let's discuss euehuhehu, or not u can just ignore me lol) I'm sorry it took me so long to reply, I had a deadline and halfway through writing this i realised i wanted to do it properly and so I had to come back when I had time It does kinda circle around to Kishimoto crafting a portrayal of aspects of girlhood that's, well, maybe not good since its not intentional or well explored/resolved, but definitely accurate in a lot of ways.

I've always thought Sakura's crush on Sasuke being a big chunk of her focus in life is a great example of this. Kishimoto writes it in because that's how he sees women: what else could they want other than a man? And he needs to show how desirable Sasuke is because his audience wants to see it, they're teenage boys after all and Sasuke's the cool anti-hero (Naruto's too goofy and the underdog at this point in the story for her to like him) so of course Sakura's in love with him. But, at the same time, Sakura's crush being so central in her life is quite accurate because, as a girl, you're socialised since you're very young to desire a certain type of man: the man all men want to be, because men want you to desire them. In this case, this is Sasuke: the cool, aloof, powerful shinobi from a prestigious clan, the strongest, top of the class guy.* You're told by all the media you consume, the stories you read, the comments your family makes and the relationships that are modelled for you in society in general that you exist to love a guy, to take care of him, that your biggest dream should be being worthy of that guy's love, because what else is there for a girl to aspire to? And as a girl you don't just accept it, because it's deeper and more ingrained than that: you actually want your life to look like that. Because all the other girls who already have that are so pretty, and when you smile people compliment you, and you're told that's where your worth lies, and you want to have worth and you want people to pay attention because it feels good. (That's why going after a guy like Sasuke, who is emotionally unavailable, is also very realistic: it feels better when it's hard won. it's like, "he isn't affectionate with anyone, so if he is affectionate with me, i've really got worth!" which is something we see Sakura feeling well into her marriage with Sasuke in Boruto, and it's very sad that she still accept such a behaviour after growing up.)

Even when you have other aspirations (becoming a ninja, in this case) you are just confronted with the idea that you will never be as strong/good/powerful as the men in your life (like you pointed out). The system has it in for you in the first place: it hasn't been designed for you to thrive. Your teacher doesn't push you as hard as he pushes the boys, he doesn't pay as much attention to you as he pays to the boys, and everyone always acts like you're defenceless in the batter field, not giving you a chance to prove yourself. So why shouldn't you feel like you maybe are less than the guys? If your teachers and your teammates see you that way, then maybe that's what you are. Can you really fault Sakura for believing that when so many women irl struggle with this immensely too? You're already taking a caretaker/disciplinarian role within your team because you're the girl, and you're only 13, so maybe you should stick to that, because that you're good at, and Kakashi praises you for not being difficult like the boys, because "boys will be boys" but Sakura-chan you're so easy to deal with!!! And then you find your niche, something you're good at (tho, ofc, it's not by coincidence that kishi's strongest women in Naruto are healers - tsunade and sakura - that in itself is already an essentialisation of female nature, but i won't get into it here, even tho it adds to everything) , and you work your ass off at that: you're not from a special clan, you have no special powers like Naruto or Sasuke, but you've become the strongest medic ninja and yet. That doesn't seem enough for the fandom to see your worth, you routinely get called weak and useless because subpar writing didn't give you enough chances to shine (even tho you have all the potential) exactly because your writer is misogynistic. yay When Sakura goes after Naruto to convince him to back down so they can kill Sasuke, of course she uses her womanhood as her weapon. Of course she tells him she likes him instead. It's desperate, it's flawed, it's even misguided, but she's been told all her life that's all she's got to offer, she's been told all her life that's what men will respond to and she's tried to keep up with them but she feels like she can't on her own terms (tho she can!!! she can she can she can), so she succumbs to the default way society tells her she has value. And Naruto defies a lot of things by saying no here, he defies even the patriarchy/comphetness he himself partook in as a child (by crushing on her, by wanting to be like Sasuke), and further solidifies himself as an extremely compelling male protagonist IMO (Kishimoto misses a lot but he didn't miss here, but anyways i'm not analysing naruto rn ahah);

This is just another way Boruto (the show) actively tarnishes Naruto's characters. Unfortunately, there was space for things to be resolved differently. With the ending of Naruto, we could have imagined something else for Sakura: she could have grown out of her crush on Sasuke, realised her worth, that her life doesn't need to revolve around him and invested her time in becoming whatever it is that she wants to become, but instead..... Sakura becomes a housewife who abandons her own aspirations as a ninja to be a sometimes-useful-prop in a narrative about another boy, she's gotten married to an emotionally unavailable man that doesn't really love her and is never around, and yet she still pines over him after years of neglect and pretends to be satisfied (but isn't really, who would be?) by the tiniest slither of affection and of course, A CHILD. Because that's all women are for, and all that they should aspire to in the next stage of their lives: why wouldn't she be happy now that she has a kid with Sasuke? She even says it herself.

Tbh it's all a bit gross! But in a way, realistic, since unfortunately this is the life of a lot of women out there. Also don't come for me for this take, the things i'm saying are informed by my own experiences growing up as a girl. Ofc there's nothing wrong with choosing a more domestic life as a woman, that's clearly not what i'm critiquing here.

TL;DR; She is so girlhood !!!!

*this is damaging to Sasuke too, as we know, because it incentivises a flat, superficial, unkind view of who he is as a person that overlooks his traumas, pressures him to play a role and limits who he is/what he needs and deserves in a friend/partner too. That patriarchy is damaging to men themselves is not news tho, it's the same for men in real life.

[pebblysand]

Is My Heart Still In It? (and further reflections ahead of the Page Pals Project)

Hey everyone, I hope that you're doing well. I am back in Ireland now, and just wanted to come on here to remind you of the castles re-read project that will be starting tomorrow (more info here if you want to join). I am very excited about this and look forward to receiving your thoughts and to talking about each chapter as we progress!

Additionally, as a lot of you also saw last week, I received a not-very-nice anon about chapter 21. At the outset, I want to state that my intention writing this isn't to revive the issue, or to stir shit up again. Anon apologised and even if they hadn't, they're allowed to think whatever they want to think. I know a lot of you were very upset on my behalf, and a lot of you DM-ed me last week, which was very kind, but I also think that anon was very well within their rights to have disliked the chapter. Word-vomiting it to my face probably wasn't the most productive way to go about this, and that was typical URL-badman behaviour, but it is a free country.

I haven't had a chance to re-read the chapter, but I also think it's pretty clear what this person disliked about it. There is a change of tone in chapter 21, and a change of pacing, that may have felt rushed to this person, which is probably why they didn't enjoy it. Again, that's not really the question, here.

I think the part of this anon that really stuck with me was the allegation that my heart wasn't "in it" anymore. Firstly, because at a very, face-value level, it's not true. I don't want to seem like I'm being full of myself, here, but I think it is pretty much acknowledged that I am someone who has a very strong work ethic. I spend hundreds of hours on each chapter, I edit, publish, edit after I publish, answer anons, answer comments - like, if there's one thing you cannot actually fault me on, it's the amount of dedication that I have put in this project. I can accept that maybe, when it comes to chapter 21 specifically, I did a little bit less editing than I usually do, which may have caused it to be a bit clunkier, but that was mostly because I was very keen on giving you a chapter before going on holiday, not because my heart wasn't "in it". My heart is in fact so "in it" that I wrote and published 43,000 words in less than a month, so stop it.

But also, on a different level, one that this anon probably didn't even anticipate, they were right. Because, I mentioned their message to my therapist, earlier this week, and said: "Do you think they can tell?"

To be fully transparent with you all, when it comes to castles, I've definitely had many moments of fluctuating motivation in the past four years. I think that when you are writing a story this size, for that much time, it's natural that you will experience ebbs and flows. The summers, I've noticed, have always been particularly hard. The summer of 2021, when everyone was coming at me about my characterisation and, afterwards, about the contents of chapter 8, made me want to give up more times than I can count. So much so that I didn't publish anything for six months after that. I can state very clearly that my heart was very much not in it, then. The summers of 2022 and 2023, when I basically wrote myself into the ground and burnt out by August because I was sleeping four hours a night for months, trying to manage writing and work, were also awful. Those who were here last summer will remember the post I wrote about how much I'd sacrificed for castles, and how much I considered giving up. My heart also wasn't in it, then.

By contrast, now, I'm feeling a lot better about this story. Its end is in sight and I'm so very proud of what I have achieved and what I have managed to pull through. I'm also about to embark onto writing a series of chapters that have literally existed in my head for years, and which I can't wait to share with you. Whilst I am a bit nervous about how the end will be received (which, again, is normal when you have poured that much of yourself into something), I can't wait to finally show you all where I was going with this. I'm so excited for us to finally be able to discuss Everything, and for this fic to be complete. I think that paradoxically when you look at what this anon was saying, I am on "high" when it comes to castles, at the moment. I am more motivated, and my heart is more "in it" than it has been for a long time.

So, why do I say that anon was also right? Well, because I'm grieving. Because like a parent who is watching their child age and move out for college, I'm watching this story edge closer and closer to being finished with a mixture of joy and pride, and grief. I've always felt that once a chapter is published, and once a story is finished, it no longer belongs to me, it belongs to the readers. And, right now, there are only three chapters left, which are my own. Soon, this story will have grown up into its own thing and it will belong to the people who read it for as long as there is a Harry Potter fandom, for as long as the internet exists, but it will no longer be just mine. And, so, when I say "Do you think they can tell?" I mean that. Can they tell in my words on the page that I'm saying goodbye, too? That maybe I am slowly trying to distance my heart from this thing that I've built little by little, because I'm hoping that the grief will hurt just a little bit less, when the time comes?

I love this story so much. I know that it means a lot to a lot of you, and I don't mean to diminish that reader experience in any way, but it means a lot to me, too. Probably in a very different way. This story has been my refuge, my baby, my best friend, my enemy, my lifeline, for four years now. And, I love the community it has brought together, stupid anons included, so I worry. About what it'll be like not having that. About whether people will be interested in my writing in the future. About the possibility that I might never experience this level of connection again. And, so, of course, I am happy and keen, and so excited to finish and share this with you. Also, I'm not going to lie, I'm very much looking forward to getting some of my free time back (haha) for the first time in years. But, I'm also grieving. And, maybe, like this anon accidentally suggested, you might be able to tell in my words, or you might not. Either way, I'm telling you: my heart is very much in it. It's just - learning to say goodbye.

So: join me on the re-read, starting tomorrow. Join me as I say goodbye. And, I can't say I won't cry, but I hope we'll all get where we need to be in the end. ❤️

[cassierobinsons]

to the anon from a few days ago: sorry i'm only just getting back to you on the sam + classism discussion. putting this under a cut because it's rambly

To me the whole Sam classism thing is very much like coming from an immigrant family the people you will meet who complain about "illegals" because they didn't do it "the right way". Like generally, these are not people who hate immigrants or approve of ICE or anything like that, but they still feel a certain moral superiority in having improved their situation "the correct way". I don't think Sam thinks homeless people should all be sent to prison or anything, but I think he still looks at himself as having done something morally correct in getting out of his situation (even though he really didnt in the long run excluding the finale). You see this attitude with other things like when he asks Max why didn't you just leave. I don't think he has no empathy for these situations, but there's like a mental block of not understanding the barriers that other people might face that he didnt.

Oh i extremely know what you mean as a fellow child of immigrants. my mum will make a snide comment while watching the news and i’ll be like 🤨 oh so now we’re pretending that your friend [DATA EXPUNGED] is here totally legally huh. it comes from a small-c conservative belief that there exists a group of people who are less "deserving" than them.

“Morally correct” also happens to be how the fandom sees sam's escape from the family, when it’s just Morally neutral? Like it’s a good thing. But says nothing about sam’s moral fibre because it was for self-preservation reasons. that's not a bad thing either! and i obviously don't think fandom is bad for thinking of sam's hard work as an admirable trait but there needs to be some acknowledgement of his perspective is a little skewed.

Max is a great example to use because sam isn’t being spiteful, but he is being thoughtless and most of it is due to him literally being a man in his early 20s but like, it’s also because of how he grew up and how he got out.

sam’s judgy moments are at their most interesting in s1 because there’s so many of them and because they’re so intentional. Like, intentional on the part of the writers, not sam. his response to max is a reflection of how idk, myopic? sam’s read of dean and their family situation is. It’s an in-universe character flaw he has to work on in order to repair the bond between them, just as dean’s seething resentment over sam’s departure is something he needs to work on too. s1 is about both of them learning to see other as their dad's victim.

I think in general in the fandom you get these sort of knee jerk reactions like "no they can't be racist/sexist/homophobic/classist/etc, they don't hate xyz people" but really no one is saying they do. Like no one is saying Sam spits on poor people. No one is saying Dean thinks women are beneath him. But they both clearly have some ingrained beliefs that are ultimately prejudiced! These aren't immutable characteristics. In fact, I think for the most part if someone had an actual deep discussion with them about it they'd probably come around fairly easily, but that doesn't mean Sam scoffing at Dean hustling pool or Dean saying "sweetheart this ain't gender studies" aren't bad things to do. Like they're often understandable character flaws based on the characters backgrounds, but they're still there.

Honestly, i’d argue that plenty of people ARE saying that dean sees women as beneath him or that sam despises the poor or vice-versa etc. but like. Hmm. this is a tv show for a narrow group of people written by an even narrower group of people and thus the show reflects the views & prejudices of the people writing them. There are moments in which we’re supposed to approve of dean’s sexism but there are also moments where we’re supposed to disapprove while simultaneously approve of or at least be okay with sam’s sexism. There are moments where we’re supposed to think sam’s being a judgy snob, but there are still others where we’re supposed to wrinkle our noses at how uncouth and lumpenprole dean is in comparison to college boy sam. And that goes for the many other -isms in the show. characters are often used as vectors for the beliefs of the writers, good or bad. It’s up to the individual how they choose to make peace with that, but the problem with this fandom is that discussions about isms get heavily wrapped up with stan wars. 

Lemme give an example. It’s incredibly common in samgirl spaces to paint dean as a homophobic neanderthal. they usually do this by taking a shitty comment from season 3 and extrapolating it until they’re talking about s15 dean as if he can’t so much as look at a gay person without threatening to kill them in that sense they’re no different to the desticule circa 2020-2023 WHOA WHO SAID THAT anyway they pretend it’s just a heehee haha jokeyjoke but like. it is 2024 and they STILL can’t engage with conversations about queer dean without talking about deangirls as if they are personally endorsing homophobia! As a result if someone points out that sam makes just as many homophobic jokes as dean does and he’s just slyer about it they flip the fuck out because they’re lowkey projecting and think you’re judging them as hard as they judge you. This is why the mildest criticisms of sam prompt an insane amount of backlash. 

(i talk a little more about this phenomenon here)

and so we come to discussions about sam and classism that feel like people trying to defend him at every turn because they sincerely think we're trying to cancel him and it's pissing me off because if we can't even suggest fictional character sam winchester is maybe a little classist how the hell are we going to address the DERANGED lvls of classism throughout this fandom. i've never been in a fandom where so many people think going to college makes a str8 person better equipped to talk about queerness than actual queer people until i joined spn fandom.

(discussions about racism/racialised misogyny get a lot more complicated and a lot more depressing than anything mentioned above so i'm not approaching that topic for now. "but-" don't care didn't ask plus i probably have more melanin than you. i don't wanna talk about it!!!)

anyway. idk what i'm saying. i think i get where the defensiveness is coming from but it's annoying. what if we just mutually agreed that we're not to blame for spn's bigotry but we also have a responsibility not to reproduce that same bigotry? what if???

EDIT: coming back a day later to say that I do agree with your assertion that a deep conversation could be enough to change them! I just think that a certain part of fandom is allergic to acknowledging ANY flaw at all and that's the biggest hurdle in these discussions.

[mafaldaknows]

you can’t blame us who joined the fandom late. we weren’t around at the beginning but you all who were told us and so surely that charmie really happened and it’s true up to now. you all had your access to armie’s friends and timmy’s will friend and jps and hint and wink at us. so we’re gonna follow bnf like you.

Hello, Anon:

I’m not sure where you got the idea that anyone is blaming you for anything.

Also, I’ve maintained that I don’t know anything for a fact regarding Charmie and do not presume that it’s true because they themselves have never confirmed it, nor do they owe us confirmation. It’s their story to tell, if they ever want to tell it. Love is love is love and comes in many forms, not just romantic love, and it’s not my place to tell anyone else’s truth. The main focus of this blog is to explore the strong connection between them, however they chose to define it, and to find signs that their close bond still exists.

I’m a seeker of truth and beauty. That’s all. I never claimed to be anything more than that, here in my little corner of the internet, as a fan, just like you, just like all the other fans in the Charmiesphere. I’m grateful that my mutuals allow me the grace and the space to stand with them on the deck of this beautiful ship despite sometimes marching to the beat of my own drum.

The premise of this blog is to look for signs of Charmie. But I never claimed to confirm it. That confirmation can only ever come from them to be valid. We are still merely spectators and speculators, like Mafalda, who always looks for signs.

Many of the signs over the years have pointed towards a specific direction, but reality points us now in another one entirely, and this time, it’s straight from the source.

In light of these recent events, we might be compelled to change course, and that’s ok. Or we might accept the circumstances and adapt. And that’s ok, too, Anon.

As far as reading the signs, generally speaking, I don’t view them as cold, hard facts but as possibilities, moments of kismet or serendipity. It’s what I mean when I say that the Universe winks. We would still need the two people involved to confirm their truth for the signs to have any real meaning. That’s how I see it, anyway.

I started this blog during the pandemic lockdown as a fun way to pass the time and then fell down the CMBYN rabbit hole, which led to an even deeper Charmie rabbit hole, which turned out to be a big, beautiful bottomless pit. It has never been my intention to mislead anyone in this space nor have I ever dictated to anyone what they should or shouldn’t believe about Charmie. These are just my own thoughts and observations about this beautiful ship, one that I recognize as a fantasy, but that also once had the very real possibility of coming true.

Once upon a time. Perhaps someday in the future. Or maybe never. Your guess is as good as mine at this point, Anon.

I write mainly about the possibilities of Charmie, not absolute facts, unless I have evidence to support those facts. When Armie was faced with false allegations, I shifted my focus to his defense. Time and evidence have proven that it was the right thing to do. Truth and Justice always win.

Love does too, when all is said and done.

That much I know is true.

Thanks for your comment. ❤️🧿

[ingravinoveritas]

Hi Amy, I'm the cursed anon who asked Neil lol (and I guess I'll stay anon for all my life after what happened today). I just wanted to thank you for what you wrote. I was sure my ask would have reached your blog somehow, alas. I don't know what to say, I'm mortified, it's been a rather hard day for me, since I felt completely misunderstood and belittled by someone I looked up to. I'm sorry because I must have phrased my ask in a weird way, an even "creepy" one, it seems.. By the way, I'm so glad you didn't find anything creepy in that, because I don't know for the life of me what I said that was perceived that way. I spent the entire day thinking about it and, at the same time, I tried to distract myself from shame. I don't know how to describe it, but this answer made me question so many things, about my mental health too, and I definitely didn't need that. He could have just said that he didn't quite understand what I meant, instead he only made me feel stupid and fed me to the lions. I mean, of course I know that season 2 is wrapped for example, I just wanted to tell him that maybe this sort of casting might be a future problem for season 3, and that I hope it won't be an issue for season 2, even though I saw many people turning up their nose already. (As I also bloody know that David Tennant and Michael Sheen are actors playing a part, evidently this is not what my concerns were!) I really don't know how to better explain it, English is a hard language to convey things sometimes. Neil doesn't speak any other language than it, and it shows honestly, because he doesn't know how hard it is for someone who is not native; me asking that might have been an impulsive decision, but I really tried to do my best with the language, it was hard, and it's like he pretended he didn't understand nevertheless. I don't know, I'm so disappointed by such a response. I thought it was more likely that he just read and didn't answer, but that condescending response? I didn't expect that. I'm sorry that I made him so sour/sharp/harsh (I don't know which adjective is the more appropriate in this case, and it drives me crazy that it can take so little to be misinterpreted, that's what I was referring to) because evidently I must have offended him or hit a nerve, which was not my intention. I might have been stupid to ask that, but if the ask was so annoying to him, it's not like he was obliged to answer it and being so cruel at the point to completely distort its meaning. Do I regret it? I do, but maybe without all of this, I wouldn't have ever seen this side of him, and I'm for the truth, even if it always tastes bittersweet, so.. Good to know, I guess. 

Sorry for ranting! Oh my god, I didn't realise, it's just that it's still an open wound to me. Coming back to you, I wanted to tell you that even if you might not agree with me (you have all the right not to), your response is actually the kind I expected from a man of power who is twice my age (just saying). Thank you for always being so considerate and tactful, you really did made me feel a little better. I wish there were more people like you in the world, I mean it.

(Sorry for the disappeared ask, I deleted the account after sending it, thinking that it would have stayed in your inbox once it was there.. Well, I was wrong haha. I'm going to delete it after you answer then, I had reactivated it just because you turned the anons off and I wanted to thank you instantly <3)

Hi, Anon. Oh, I am so sorry for what you went through yesterday. I'm also floored to have you reach out to me, as I didn't even realize you were aware of my blog, but I thank you for doing so and sharing your thoughts/feelings with me.

It saddens me so greatly to know how much Neil's response has hurt you, and how it has affected your mental health. If the comments on my post about what happened are indication, however, you are definitely not the only one who felt that his response was not okay. What you said about feeding you to the lions was something one of my followers also mentioned, and whether Neil intended it or not, I would have to agree with that assessment.

The fact is, Neil is a writer. He knows how powerful words can be, and how suggestive. So by calling your question "creepy" in that first sentence, he is creating the lens through which the reader is going to view your question. And so what I would say is that two things can be true here, which is that 1) You have every right to feel the concerns you do, but trying to engage Neil about it was probably not the best idea; and 2) Neil has the right to feel/say what he wants, but deciding to answer your question the way he did instead of simply ignoring it was also probably not the best idea.

I don't know if you've been on his blog at all today, but Neil actually went into a bit more detail about his rationale, re: the use of the word "creepy" in the comments on this post, as part of a back-and-forth exchange with another fan who again brought up the issue of nepotism. I thought I would highlight these two comments in particular:

What I was struck by in the comment on the left was two specific things: 1) Neil's mention of the "undertones" to your question. Going by what you wrote, Anon, as well as the message that you've written here, I do not think there were any undertones to your Ask--with the possible exception of calling Neil's character into question (which, if he was hoping to squash that, it is now beyond ironic that his response to you has achieved the exact opposite); and 2) That someone who has been described as "so Tumblr" and "Neil gets it" would somehow be oblivious to how venomous people can be on social media, especially when encouraged by the creators of their favorite works, and why someone would therefore not want to make themselves a potential target. In just the first sentence of his response to you, however, Neil proved exactly why you were right to use a burner account.

In terms of the comment on the right, we see Neil draw a false equivalence between your question and people criticizing him for casting POC actors in Sandman. This was (in my opinion) Neil doing this fan what he did to you, which is twist around what they were saying as a means of deflection and avoiding answering the question that was actually being asked, which was about nepotism. The other irony for me is him talking about people accusing him of having a secret agenda, while he was the one doing the same thing to you. The only difference is that his assumption ended up having serious consequences, as we are now seeing.

I think you did hit a nerve, Anon, but--as strange as it may sound--I don't think it had anything to do with you. My feeling is that there is something going on with Neil and he is using Tumblr as an outlet--much in the same way that Michael used Twitter as an outlet in 2019/2020. So I do not think you are "cursed" or "made" Neil be salty/harsh--I think he was already this way and took whatever is happening with him out on you. Because if everything was absolutely fine--if what you were mentioning in your question was totally ridiculous and Neil was entirely unbothered by it--I do not think he would have answered it, nor would he still have been engaging this fan about it for hours afterward.

I know this probably won't be of much comfort, and I am sorry. English is not my second language, but I am autistic, and I relate very deeply to what you described about searching so hard for the right words (which is probably why it takes me forever to answer my Anons) because of not wanting to be misunderstood. And I know very well what it's like to have someone you so greatly admired turn out to be not at all what you expected, especially when everyone else's perception of that person is so wildly different.

It is for that reason that I can understand fans on here and Twitter rushing to defend Neil, not wanting to feel that someone they love could possibly do anything wrong. "Neil is a human being" is a comment I've seen frequently...but if we are going to say that Neil is human, then that means he is imperfect. It means he makes mistakes. And it should not be controversial to say this. I've also seen people in the aftermath of this saying how kind Neil is to the fans...but his response to you was unkind. Setting someone up to be a target is not kind. Neil has so many people who write into him who are dealing with mental health issues and concerns, and at best his response to you was thoughtless...but at worst, it sends a message to other fans that they, too, could become targets for absolutely no reason. And while I do not believe that Neil owes the fans anything, having an awareness of the power he wields and a sense of basic human decency does not seem like much to ask.

You do not ever have to apologize for ranting to me, Anon. I'm so glad that what I wrote in my other post helped you to feel better, even if just a little. I am by no means perfect--far from it--but I've been in enough fandoms and had enough heartaches to know that I would want to do anything I could to spare someone else from going through the things I went through. The shame here is not yours for asking a question that yielded a disproportionate overreaction from Neil--the shame belongs to the people who piled onto you because of it.

I want you to know that I was truly touched by your compliments, and that you felt comfortable enough to be so vulnerable with me here. I'm sending you lots of love, as well as the hope that we can continue to have honest discussions about these subjects. A lot of people are with you, and believe me when I again tell you that you are not alone. xx

[angelinthefire]

I've gotten those ao3 comments from people, too, where they'll just say "kudos kudos kudos" or something similar in place of actual feedback. The intention is there, the sentiment is not. As an author, it's hard to point out how lackluster that type of comment feels though, especially when we're all passing around posts like "commenting is hard, I get it! Just leave any comment you can!" But it does feel like we're getting AI-generated feedback. Or the equivalent of getting an email where the generic responses are auto-populated. And you know the ol' argument against AI that goes "if you couldn't be bothered to write it, why should I want to read it"? THAT'S how it feels to get those type of comments. Why am I supposed to be grateful that you hit "paste" and left me the same comment you leave everyone else regardless of how much or less you liked my fic compared to everything else you're reading? If all you have to say is "kudos" then just hit the button designated for that???

Honestly, yeah. I've decided that when I get a copy-paste comment from now on I'm going to reply with, "what did you think of the story?" While being polite, obviously.

And that's also why I've started going off about fanworks being a discussion and comments being a place for dialogue. Because that's really the point, more than just getting any kind of comment.

And honestly, I'm really starting to take issue with those posts that basically shame people into leaving comments. That's not what a community is, that's not what fandom is, that's not what a proper interaction is. It's a social-media-brained way of approaching fandom, caring more about engagement stats and getting the notification dopamine than about actual discussion.

Like you (not you, anon, the general you) really have to create for yourself first and foremost. You have to enjoy reading your own stories, and looking at your own art. If you do that, then the comments and interaction come as a nice little bonus. And if you create for yourself, you better realize what kinds of comments and interactions are fun and worthwhile. Like to be blunt, when I get a comment that just says "thank you for posting" my first thought is "I didn't post it for you."

I could rant for a long long time about this, and I'm holding myself back, lol. But yeah, in general I blame the social-media-fication of the internet.

[cloud-somersault]

Soul anon here

Just saying it would be the funniest fucking thing ever is you changed the chapter count on the epilouge and dropped one absolutely massive final chapter. I'd wait and then give a dissertation of a comment.

Speaking of, (this is gonna get ramble-y so please excuse how unstructured this is, and forgive any spellling errors because I'm on mobile)

Holy shit I love the epilogue so fucking much. We didn't see too much of Mac's thought process in Constellations but with the epilogue I feel like you've read my fucking mind.

Like Wukong getting to spend time with Mac in the here and now, wistfully thinking at the beach about how things could have been different as his attempt at a subtle apology for what he ruined vs Mac can't even daydrean of it because he lived through the cold harsh reality of death, how he can't ever forget what Wukong did to him and yes, granted Wuking was tortured, but it wasn't death. It wasn't near the amount of suffering that Mac went through and continues to go through. Mac taking Wukong's wistfullness of what could have been as an insult (which is how I see it but may not be what you intended) is extremely fitting and very compelling. Wukong is genuinely trying to reach out, knows Mac the best out of all the characters, and still doesn't see how it comes off is very insightful into his thought process. In my view, Wukong is coming a bit from a place of privilege, his punishment while harsh, does lead him to becoming a heroic legendary figure while Mac is...not really well known in the story of LMK itself.

So of course Mac is going to be angry when Wukong says what he does, Mac never got the chance to have a fraction of the peace, healing and resolution and respect that Wukong got. Adding in with a lot of the shit talk Wukong gives him in S1 and S3...how can Mac take the chance that Wuking actually means what he says? Wukong has burned Mac not just once, but verbally several times in the show and granted that in S3 Mac is very much trying to help the crew from the other side...man. and that's not including that Wukong deliberately went against Mac's wishes in regards to talking about heaven and asking about the curse being removed. As much as I get where Wukong is coming from and why, it still does show that Wukong can and will cross Mac's boundaries because he thinks he knows better. I'm not decrying Wukong's action to help as bad, merely that he IS disrespecting a boundary Mac made crystal clear. Wukong is really going to have to prove that he's got good intentions here, and I can't blame Mac for being distrustful.

All that said, I love the epilogue and everything it's doing. I am eating so GOOD with everyword!!

WOW thank you so much for this ask, it's beautiful 🥺💞💞 I love all your thoughts and insight into their relationship! You're right about practically everything LOL but there's some key things in this ask that I'd like to touch on.

In regard to Wukong's reminiscing being taken as an insult, Macaque absolutely took it as an insult. There was no sensitivity to how Macaque sees their past and his feelings about it after everything. Wukong was also pointing all that out to show how much he's changed, but in doing so, he revealed how much he changed, and Macaque's mad that Wukong didn't show restraint or mercy or anything when they were fighting.

Macaque has a hard time (with good reason) moving past that. He says himself that this is going to be a huge blockade to them becoming friends again. But he's trying, despite Wukong's failed attempts and insensitivity.

And Wukong really is trying to do everything he can to make Macaque see that he's different now, but he hasn't done enough thinking on how Macaque is feeling. And, granted, Macaque hides his feelings and isn't as open about them as Wukong is, so Wukong has to try his best to discern how Macaque feels. That's why he's taken to asking Macaque directly what he's thinking so he can get a clear answer (and also because he just wants to know).

The mention of Wukong coming from this place of privilege (ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON) is so important!! There is a fundamental lack of understanding of what Macaque went through. Wukong has never asked (because he's terrified of death) about Macaque's experience with death and he's never given Macaque a space to vent or sob or whatever he may need to do. Wukong isn't offering that comfort because of his fear. So it comes off to Macaque as him slightly not caring or just outright ignoring Macaque's feelings about the complications of death and resurrection.

Again, Wukong is denying things or turning a blind eye to them because he doesn't want to confront them. We saw him do this for various things in Constellations (Not saying Mei/Tang/Sandy/Pigsy's actual names, not mentioning Little Star or what happened to them, not thinking too hard about MK's origins, not thinking about his punishment, etc.) so this isn't new for him. There is a sort of lack of vulnerability on Wukong's account. Like, he's being honest and introspective and self-reflecting and voicing the results of his reflection, but he's only allowing himself to be a shoulder to cry on in some aspects. Which is fine, in general, but when it's about the SUPER BIG ISSUE THAT TORE HIM AND MACAQUE APART, he might need to do a listen. I dunno.

oh, also, when it comes to Macaque not having much of a story in comparison to Wukong, that's something I touch on later. Wukong does come from a place of privilege because of his journey and being given the chance to improve and change. Macaque wasn't given that chance. And Wukong is revered and worshiped and remembered, and Macaque is left in the dust. There's definitely resentment and envy and jealousy there, and Wukong needs to recognize that, too.

And Wukong breaking Macaque's boundaries -- this is going to be a point of contention continually in their relationship because Wukong just has this drive to fix things, to shoulder things on his own. He's operated on his own for so long, it's hard to unlearn that. He trusts in his own abilities because he's prevented catastrophe's and saved lives countless times just on his own.

And he believes without a doubt that he can save Macaque. He believes he can get rid of that curse. It's just another "Monkey King problem fixed" for him. And he's aware of Macaque's boundaries and he knows he should do better and communicate and respect them, but all that consideration goes out the window when it comes to Macaque's well-being. Because Wukong absolutely wants Macaque to be okay again. He wants to get rid of this curse so Macaque stops suffering.

And he actually truly does understand that this doesn't make up for him killing Macaque. Like, Wukong gets that, at least. He just doesn't like seeing his mate in pain. And if there's a way to fix it, he wants to find it. But Macaque has expressed his boundaries and he expects Wukong to respect them. This constant disrespect is not okay to him, because he's aware that things could go awry.

But that's just one facet of them getting to an okay-ish place. They've got their whole punishment and separation, they've got the curse and how to get rid of it, they've got training MK, they've got Little Star, they've go the monkeys of FFM, they've got residual feelings for each other. There's so much that goes into their relationship that trying to fix it is a huge mountain of issues that they have to tackle.

And that's why the epilogue is so long. Because it takes time to build trust and talk things out and apologize and make mistakes and share feelings. And as each chapter comes out, you can see subtle changes, you can see them take a step forward, but there's inevitably going to be times when they take steps backward.

progress isn't linear. and they've got a lot of baggage. but they decided to try together. they each have a want deep inside them to fix this. And whether that's because Wukong is alone and hurting and desperate for affection and love and friendship or if it's because Macaque is hurting and feeling unlovable and unwanted and teetering between two very different desires. They keep meeting up and going on walks together.

Because every step is important because it speaks to the effort being made. It speaks to the intent change things. It showcases a desire for improvement. They both want something to change on some level. And I think that story, is incredibly interesting. It's been really fun writing it out to see how everything unfolds.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

So im the anon who asked when you'll publish again cuz I missed it and I just wanna say sorry im so late but i jus saw ur post. BESTIE i dont even know where to begin. so first im gonna say i just read the new fermin fic and it was INCREDIBLE. SO CUTE. AND I LOVED IT. second, i want to give you my complete understanding. of course im not a writer but it takes very little empathy to understand why a lack of engagement would make you demotivated to write. im so sorry and im sure others here too that we dont give u the appreciation u deserve. for me personally, its the fact that im afraid to come off on anon and comment with my account, but i realize even i can give feedback through anon. whenever you are ready to come back, even sporadically, i will talk to u more here because u deserve to hear what we think of the fics u so cutely write for us to enjoy. let me just tell you for now that i have never found someone that does non smut in such a mature way. i cant even explain what i am thinking so bare with me i hope you get this. often i just want to read reality and what a real relationship with these boys are like. that's the stuff that makes me kick my feet and giggle fr. but you are one of the only ones that can do that in a way which is perfectly descriptive and realistic. your fic with Gavi for the fight after he waves a sandwich in your face??? BBG. i cant believe i never told u how much i loved that detail. of course it was a shit thing for his character to do but that is the kind of stuff that realistically happens in a relationship fight and leads to a silent treatment and argument -> discussion -> solution like in ur fic. i was reading it with my mouth covered like damn she got it JUST RIGHT. i legit read ur fics over and over they are so SO good and SO well crafted. i really feel like i am in these stories. and i know it wasn't your intent so please dont feel bad for your well deserved post to my anon note, but i feel so embarrassed that i never gave u the credit u deserve. please dont look at this anon and let it pressure u into writing again because that is nowhere near my intention. i just want to say take your time, relax and also GET READY. cz im gonna talk to u more and more like i should and all ur followers should. te queremos!!!!!!!!!!! i even learned some slang from ur culture clash fics

Hello dear anon! I hope you're doing great! :) First of all, I'm truly glad you liked the fermín fic and thank you for taking your time to write this lovely message, it means a lot💖

Thank you for also understanding my point of view, I don't really want to come off as rude or ungrateful, that's not my intention and it will never be. It's just really hard to come, write for hours, wanting to do something enjoyable for others and not get any feedback (I know it is not mandatory but it would be very nice for me and I can take constructive criticism to improve in new writings), but it's also something that it's going to the point where I reblog any ask game or tell you guys that I'm bored and wanna chat with any of you and only two or three asks pop up in my inbox (And I don't even know if those two-three asks are from the same person😭🤷🏻‍♀️) however when I post that my requests are open, I can assure you that my inbox can be 0 but once I come back +20 asks are in there and it makes me kinda feel like I'm just here to write. write. write. write and write😭

I also understand you, if I wasn't a writer here I would also go to my favorite writers inbox and tell them my thoughts as anon but like you said you're writing on anon, which means I don't know your account (or anyone who writes on anon) you could be also commenting on my post/reblogging/etc and I wouldn't even know it's you! Either way I respect that🙏🏻and I appreciate the fact you'll be on my inbox more often either if it's to rant about your day, talk about a fic or anything, even if I'm not as active with writing as I used to be, you can still sent me an ask and I will gladly answer you!🌻✨

I try my best to do the fics as realistic as possible, obviously I don't know the guys (sadly😭) but I try my best to imagine how they can be outside the pitch and insert that into a real life couple with ups and downs but gurrrllll you even made me go back and read the sandwich fic 😂lol. Anywho, I'm really glad you like my fics and go back to read them again when I'm away for a bit. Slang🇻🇪 is very chevere, hopefully I get to do once again Latina!reader😌 Once again thank you for your message and once more I don't want to be rude or ungrateful. 💜 yu guys too, hope you're having a great day/evening/night!

[writing-whump]

Hello hello hello🥰🥰💕💕 it's ☕

I feel like have soooo much things to say Sol... feel excited!! Those heart fics... OH. MY. DEAR. GOD. I can talk about it with you all day long.. I makes me wanna stop being an anon-fan and sent DM instead 🤣 but I guess i will save what I'm going to say about them later... even if it's so hard LOL...okay, first things first. So you asked about my litte vacation, well I have visited a few countries, saw many many awesome things, had fun or whatever but... I fell in love with Wien... so amazing, so beautiful, fascinating city! Unfortunately I had a very limited time in there so I couldn't see everything I had planned but still... I'm in love 😍 I've spent most of my time at Karlsplatz and went Oberlaa, tried Arnie's mango cake and made sure my dear little Wolfson has a great taste, yum yum!!😋 I will definitely visit again as soon as possible because I still have so much to see but first Alte Donau, for sure🤭 as you said there is Hex's favorite in Wien i searched a bit and I understood once again why he is my favorite OC... we have so much in common!🤣🥰

Anddd as for the concussion fic that I asked and you wrote perfectly, thank you!! I want to talk about it for a bit, sorry if this ask gets too long 😅 first of all I'm glad that you liked my little idea and made a lovely fic with it 💕 Arnieee, my dear, I hear ya on that... bikes are more dangerous than cars in Vienna for real... I only had a few days in city and almost took down by a bike for many times as well LOL.. What can I do...I was a just fascinated tourist 🤣 I'm glad he made it with a few scratches and a mild concussion..nothing he can't handle while his protective older brothers are there to help😊

As for the older brothers resentment... Isaiah thought Hex is disappointed...because he got sick?? Gosh, I love Isaiah even more when he's this touchy inside for his loved ones 😅😅 They love each other so much, care each other so much, but their pride keeps them away...Wolfson brothers... I think you wrote storms inside those men pretty well, Sol. I felt their hesitations and intentions a lot. What about the hug at the end...aw... I'm melting... of course they'll fix things🥺

And...can't go without mentioning this especially as we are talking about heart episodes now... "It's a big deal, when one o you is hurt." Isaiah said this to Hector. And now he's been going through hell and Hector still doesn't know about it and– I'm definitely not crying 🙄🙄 okay, I'll try to keep my emotions under control for a little longer and save my delirant reactions for another post. But... okay I can't help with this and I'm asking, you said in my previous ask that you were planning the main thing to happen at home.. is this mean main thing didn't happen yet (if it is... excuse me I'm screaming because I just read what Isaiah said about her mom and how she passed...) ? Or this was one of your ideas but you decided to do it in mall?

Wow, it's been really long, I'm sorry 😅 I guess this happens when I really miss things 🤭🤭

Thank you and lots of love as always 💕 🤍

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☕️-nonny!! Hey! So glad to hear from you!

My DMs are open anytime, just saying 😏💕

I'm so glad you enjoyed the vacation! Europe is cool, isn't it! (One day, you gotta tell me where you come from, makes me super curious 🙈).

And ✨️Vienna✨️ glad it worked its charm. You really tried out all their places 😍 that's so sweet, I'm so glad you liked it 🤩💙✨️

You can't have a comment too long, man

I was so right about the bikes, wasn't I?😂 They are so agressive there.🚲

I'm happy it fulfilled the prompt then, I loved it. ❤️ Isaiah gets so insecure about being sick or needing things, silly boy...is why this heart arc is so difficult on him (and will be still). And the best thing, Hector doesn't and didn't in that fic, realize that was the case! Half of Isaiah's secrets could be explained by him being emberassed about not being perfect or needing help🙈 Hex doesn't get that at all. He is so so used to Isaiah being perfect that reminders Isaiah is human suprise him.😌

Welllllll, there at least two "mean" things coming up still, once Isaiah gets home. Then we will get to see Hector and Arnie reacting more.

I'm honestly not sure if I shouldn't take a break from the drama storyline and do something less angsty in the meantime with other OCs....too much tension could harm the climax and all...let me know if you have ideas or wishes, as always 😁.

So glad to hear from you again, I missed you ❤️!! Please be as long and emotional as you like, I'm over the moon reading it.🥰