The Book of Bill Provides Evidence to Prove that Bill and Ford are Toxic Exes:
An Essay
Before we get into anything, let me add.
1. This is an actual essay.
2. I hated billford at first, but I have become similar to the very thing I have sworn to destroy because of the Book of Bill. It contains a lot of billford subtext- and hell, if I can see it and *I don't* ship them, then it's gotta be there.
3. This will have both evidence for and counterpoints against each side, mirroring my thought process.
4. I will not be including evidence from Elsewhere (any interviews, Gravity Falls merch, Journal 3, the show itself).
5. If you know of anything that's not on here, feel free to reblog this post with added photos! You can also add evidence from Elsewhere if you feel like it lol.
Oh, and spoilers under the cut for Gravity Falls and The Book of Bill. obviously.
Now that we've got that out of the way, let's get to The List!
Strap yourselves in, folks, this is a long one.
Evidence FOR Bill Cipher x Ford (with Counterpoints)
Image 1:
Evidence for the ship: Yk the quote "My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER?!" So this implies that Bill is Ford's ex.
Counterpoint: The Pines bros could've used that phrase before the ex-wife part was added.
Image 2:
Evidence: The whole thing. Mabel refers to bill as a "super needy ex" who needs to "[get] over Grunkle Ford". She tells him to get "breakup bangs" and "go crush on someone else's uncle."
Counterpoint: She loves matchmaking, and she has a whole page in the Gravity Falls coloring book about "Future Matchmaking Projects", the vast majority of them (read: all but Dipper x Pacifica, really) having no basis in the show. She's a 13 year old girl who could just be making a joke out of it because it's fun.
Images 3 & 4
Evidence: To have people fall in love with you, "leave real dead mice" (Bill's love advice) *Bill proceeds to leave dead rats spelling Ford's name.* As a birthday present, on Ford's birthday, that he surprisingly remembered.
Counterpoint: Bill said to leave dead mice but left dead rats for Ford. Two different animals. Also, he could just be doing this to creep Ford out.
Image 5
Evidence: "And then one thing led to another." This leaves a lot to be implied... including gay shenanigans.
Counterpoint: It could mean anything.
Image 6 (Ha! Sixer!)
Evidence: "I know sixer loved our will they wont they destroy the world relationship". "One sixer please" "I ordered an 'I'm Fine Juice' " Like bro is obviously going through The Breakup.
From what little I know about Homestuck, this also seems like a kismesis [romantic relationship built on hate, simply put?] relationship (Homestuck fans don't sue me!!)
Counterpoint: This could just be him mad that Ford's not a willing pawn anymore.
Image 7
Evidence: Bill wanting Stanford to make him look pretty.
Counterpoint: This could just be Bill being vain.
Image 8
Evidence: Bill actually trapped Stanford in a massive stone pyramid during Weirdmageddon and restrained him. And he was actually going to sing a song that got cut- "It's Gonna Get Weird."
Counterpoint: We don't know if the Fearamid was made out of stone; and it's possible Bill didn't aim to seduce Ford in the Fearamid; just intimidate him.
Additionally:
Evidence: Bill having the idea that love basically is the same thing as fear makes sense because he used fear to control Ford a lot.
Counterpoint: Bill being mean could be just... that. simply put.
Image 9
Evidence: Dictionary.com defines "holic" basically as someone with an addiction/obsession. He was obsessed with Bill.
Counterpoint: This could've been just platonic, or as admiration.
Image 10
Evidence: "This is what a partner looks like". Bill, referring to Ford.
Counterpoint: Again, unclear as to whether he is being romantic or platonic.
Images 11 & 12
Evidence: This could absolutely be read as flirty.
"Guys as smart as you come along once every other century." "I see you on the cover of the right magazine someday."
"You can call me anything except late for dinner. (Bill)" "You can call me anything except late for dinner. (Ford, echoing Bill).
"I think I'm starting to like you, Sixer." "I think I'm starting to like you, Bill."
Counterpoint: Bill could just be saying this to impress Ford to get him to help. Unclear as to platonic or romantic.
Images 13 & 14
Evidence: Bill suggests telling the date a sob story, and then trap them in the love cage. Then he tells Ford this sad story about his dimension; and later traps him in what could be a love cage (see: Image 8)
Counterpoint: The sob story should be about how "*you're* tragic and misunderstood, no one can possibly relate to you." This isn't about Bill being tragic as a whole, this is about one terrible event.
---
So far, we have mainly evidence for Bill Cipher and Ford being a couple, with some rebuttals.
Now, it's time for evidence against them being a couple, with some rebuttals.
Evidence AGAINST Bill Cipher x Ford (with Counterpoints)
Image 1:
Evidence: This could imply Ford is aroace. Or at the very least, Bill, being Chaotic Evil (D&D alignment) isn't Ford's type.
Counterpoint: You can fall for someone that's not your type. And that's what he *usually* writes- what does he write the other times? And what you do in a dream doesn't always reflect what you do in real life.
Image 2:
Evidence: Bill doesn't pass the Harkness Test. (For those unaware, it's a test to see if you can have sex with a creature without it being immoral (bestiality/p*dophilia).
He has at least human intelligence and can communicate with language (considering he wrote a book), but he is not of sexual maturity, as he's a preteen.
Counterpoint: Preteen =/= not sexually mature applies to humans, but we have no idea if that would be correct for a triangle. It only makes sense to assume he is sexually mature. Dogs only live 10-13 years (source: American Kennel Club), and so they have babies when they're preteens or younger.
Image 3:
Evidence: Bill states he has no exes.
Counterpoint: We both know he's lying. Look at the list of crossed out names- most likely exes.
Image 4:
Evidence: Bill says he couldn't care less about love.
Counterpoint: For the second and third questions, he's dodging the answer. That's not a direct no, it's just him attacking the reader. And for the first, he could be lying.
Image 5:
Evidence: Bill wrote this book, and we know Bill isn't to be trusted. How can we be sure any of what Bill says is true? How can we be sure that what Bill says is "Missing Journal Pages written by Ford" is 100% accurate, and not just- made up or altered by Bill?
Bill literally says "Truth is open-source code and anyone can edit it"
Counterpoint: Why would Alex Hirsch do that to the fan base though?
---
Conclusion
The amount of Bill x Ford evidence outweighs the evidence against it. Despite the fact that much of the evidence *for* Bill x Ford is ambiguous and can be read as romantic or platonic, or just Bill intimidating Ford, it only makes sense to conclude that it is romantic because of the sheer amount of it.
This has turned me; previously somewhat of a Bill x Ford hater, to believing that Bill x Ford was an important part of Ford's story.
However, if you've read all of this and still hate the idea of Bill x Ford, that's perfectly valid! You can choose to read the evidence as purely platonic & later, Bill intimidating Ford, or Bill just twisting the truth- either aligns with canon.
---
Disclaimer:
I am not saying you have to believe in Bill x Ford.
I am not saying they had a good relationship either, or idealizing it. It was definitely toxic and manipulative and abusive.
Ford is likely still healing from that abuse.
I believe Ford and Bill both pass the Harkness Test.
I am not shipping Bill with anyone besides Ford.
Yes, I know this is basic, but I don't want ppl yelling at me for small things.
Better yet; if you disagree with anything in the disclaimer- tell me *why* in the comments, civilly.
---
Final Thoughts
If you've made it here, thank you so much for reading! This is my first essay of this length posted on Tumblr!
I stayed up till like 1am to write this.
And I encourage you to repost/comment instead of just liking it, if you choose to engage. This helps better spread the post around.
Thank you!
:)
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this reading is all about what kinks your FS might have
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pile 1 - justice, queen of swords, king of wands
🪄
your FS is obsessed w eye contact while you ride him. while you suck him off. he wants you to look him right in his eyes. i pulled a lot of sword and wand energy so i’m getting he has a kink for watching you please him. he likes seeing you skin on his knob lmao. he thinks you look so pretty and perfect on your knees for him eyes tearing up and mascara running down your face just all fucked up on his dick. what it comes to pleasure he’s very equal he likes pleasing you as much as you please him. he may be a dom. liking to take control which makes a lot of sense with him liking to see you on your knees his favorite thing to do it tell you what to do. he may also have a slight pain kink he likes to spank you and choke you but i also think he may like pain inflicted on him he likes when you bite him and when your nails scratch down his back.
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pile 2 - the magician, judgment, the well
💤
pleasure kink and somno your FS he likes watching you moan and squirm for him. he likes when you’re moaning his name while he goes down on you. he loves making you finish on his fingers everything from the way you sound to the way your body reacts to his slightest touch is just magical to him. both his tongue and his fingers are extremely skillful making your body his playground. he also maybe into ddlg he really likes taking care of all your needs. he loves being the person you depend on for pleasures or just a nurturing touch.
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pile 3 - two of wands, page of swords, the empress
❣️
your FS has a breeding kink FOR SURE. he really likes the idea of finishing in you know that his seed will make you a big family. he also really like doggy doing you from behind and traveling his hands all over your body. he also may like doing you in front of a mirror watching him slide in and out of you and seeing your face is a huge ego boost for him. he likes being rough too he likes pulling your hair and pinning you down (all with you consent of course) and just having his way with you. he’s like really obsessed with your boobs and doing stuff with them lol use your imagination he definitely has a body worship kink your body is like a whole masterpiece to him. a masterpiece he can’t believe you allow him access to. 💭. also like you’re the prettiest girl in the world to him and i’m seeing he’ll try anything for you. 🥹
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for paid private readings dm me 💘
3 questions - $20
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