#it's nice to work on stuff that isn't crazy complicated

[thesilliestrovingalive]

Reckless fun in the jungle

It's a fine day beneath the subtropical sun, deep within the scorching heart of a treacherous jungle. A team of elite operatives—Tequila, Marco, Tarma, Eri, Ralf, and Nadia—have been sent to the southern part of the Amazon Rainforest by the Regular Army for a perilous mission. Their objective is to infiltrate and dismantle a ruthless guerrilla group suspected of human trafficking, illicit arms dealing, and narcotics smuggling. Intel suggests a possible alliance with the notorious Ptolemaic Army, a terrorist cult infamous for its brutality and corrupting influence. With precision and skill, Marco and his team must track down the guerrilla group, gather crucial intel on a possible alliance with the Ptolemaic Army, and execute a swift and decisive takedown to shatter the organisation's grip on the region.

The hypervigilant Tequila leads the group with awe-inspiring courage, his grenade launcher at the ready. Marco follows closely behind, his usual stoic demeanour masking a deep longing to return to the Sparrowhawk Operations Base and reunite with Perifa, whose dramatic flair he misses dearly. Eri, who had previously instructed her fellow Ptolemaic Army deserters to scout for a secret base and any suspicious activity, stands ready with her trusty explosives at hand.

Ralf is pumped for action, his senses heightened as he drinks in the jungle's symphony of natural sounds and feels the adrenaline coursing through his veins like liquid fire. Tarma walks alongside Marco, cracking jokes to ease the tension, but Eri and Tequila remain unamused, finding his humour unprofessional. Meanwhile, his queerplatonic partner, Marco, struggles to maintain a straight face, stifling a couple of laughs in an effort to stay focused. Ralf, however, revels in Tarma's lightheartedness, while Nadia giggles, lost in romantic thoughts of her best friend, Trevor.

Before they can proceed further, Marco suggests splitting up, a plan that Tequila endorses. Marco and Eri meticulously outline the stealth mission, assigning Ralf, Tarma, and Nadia to reconnaissance duty, tasked with identifying potential enemies and hostages. Meanwhile, Marco, Eri, and Tequila will continue searching for the guerrilla group's headquarters. After a brief strategy session, the group divides: Ralf, Tarma, and Nadia head out separately from Tequila, Marco, and Eri.

As they stealthily tread through the jungle, Nadia's focus wanes, and she starts to feel restless, yearning for something more than this mission. Just in time, Ralf spots a secluded hideout, a fallen tree shrouded in dense greenery, where they can lay low for a couple of minutes. The group swiftly settles in, remaining vigilant and on high alert. Ralf, Tarma, and Nadia anxiously await any news from Marco's group via walkie-talkie, hoping to pinpoint the elusive guerrilla group's current location. Ralf and Tarma remain vigilant, scanning their surroundings for potential threats and innocent bystanders, while Nadia's gaze wanders, her attention drawn to the lush jungle foliage and beautiful birds.

As Nadia leans against the tree trunk, she pulls out a blue bubblegum ball from her square-shaped pouch adorned with kitty ears. She pops it into her mouth, chewing and savouring the sweet blueberry flavour. As her gaze continues to wander through the gorgeous sights of the Amazon Rainforest, she spots some enticing swinging vines and her lips curl into a playful smile. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she elbows Tarma…

Tarma jerks slightly, caught off guard by Nadia's elbow to his right arm. He swiftly turns to face her, his head tilted in curiosity, and asks, "Huh? What's up, Nadia?"

She nods towards the hanging vines, her grin growing bigger, and blows an impressive bubble before it pops. Tarma quietly looks at them, adjusting his red-tinted sunglasses and squinting slightly.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Nadia asks, spitting out her chewed-up blueberry bubblegum, as Tarma's smirk forms, accompanied by a low, amused chuckle.

“I so do,” he replies, flashing a charming smirk, his response coming easily and without hesitation.

He watches as Nadia stands up and joyously skips over to the vines, catching Ralf's attention. Ralf raises an eyebrow at Tarma, but before he can say a word, Tarma swiftly stands up, stretches briefly, and confidently strides over to Nadia. As Ralf's gaze follows Tarma to the hanging vines, he grasps the hint and decides to join in on the fun.

Meanwhile, Marco, Eri, and Tequila are cautiously navigating the jungle, vigilant for any signs of the guerrilla group's members. They're also awaiting crucial intel from Ptolemaic Army deserters regarding the location of the group's headquarters, where their illicit operations are allegedly taking place. To pass the time, Tequila decides to strike up a conversation to break the monotony of the deafening silence. He has a strong hunch that Marco will remain his usual taciturn self, but he's certain that Eri will definitely respond.

“I hope these guys aren't affiliated with those cultish dumbasses from the Serapion Fellowship,” Tequila says, his voice dripping with disdain, his face twisted in a mix of anger and revulsion as he recalls his past run-in with the group.

“You mean the Ptolemaic Army?” Eri asks, her voice laced with disdain, accompanied by a tired scoff. “The Serapion Fellowship was decimated when the Ikari Warriors tore through them.”

“The Ikari Warriors didn't finish the job,” Tequila interjects gruffly, his tone respectful yet firm, catching Eri off guard. “My old comrades and I had to clean up the remnants. I'm telling ya, Ptolemaios and his devotees are like blind, stubborn leeches… Those motherfuckers never know when to quit!”

He pauses, fishing out a cigar from his right cargo pants pocket and lighting it with his metallic blue-green lighter. As he takes a slow drag, he eyes Eri with a hint of uncertainty, "I assume you haven't heard about the Arms Deal Barrage?"

Eri exhales a heavy sigh, her gaze dropping to the jungle soil as she falls into a silent reverie, feeling a tad foolish for nearly overlooking a seemingly insignificant event in the Regular Army’s history.

“Yup! Your Lothario son spilled all the details to me,” she replies, her voice involuntarily tinged with a chill as she crosses her arms, oblivious to the fact that Gimlet has kept a dark secret regarding the Regular Army hidden from her.

“Really?” he says gruffly, his right eyebrow shooting up in skepticism, amused by the thought of Gimlet being her informant on this particular matter.

Marco's attention is suddenly diverted by the distant shouts of thrilled excitement from a girl and a man, who enthusiastically belts out Tarzan's iconic jungle call, echoing through the air. He swiftly interrupts the conversation between Eri and Tequila, clearing his throat awkwardly, his interest piqued by something in the commotion.

“Uhhhmm… Guys, I think we have a problem,” Marco says, his voice low and serious, nodding discreetly towards the source of his concern.

“Tsk! What is—” Eri starts to say, her voice tinged with annoyance, but her words die on her lips as her jaw drops in stunned astonishment at the scene unfolding before her.

“What the fuck is happening?” Tequila exclaims, his voice laced with confusion and incredulity as he glares upward at the reckless spectacle above him, his eyes widening in shock.

Marco, Eri, and Tequila watch in stupefied awe as Nadia, Ralf, and Tarma swing from vine to vine with reckless abandon, their movements eerily reminiscent of carefree, playful monkeys. It's as if the entire jungle has become their personal playground, and they're oblivious to the fact that their unprofessional antics might jeopardise their mission. Tequila can only hope that the three impulsive adventurers don't alert any nearby enemies to their presence. Eri's right eye twitches with suppressed rage, clearly unimpressed by their foolishness. Marco lets out a deep, exasperated sigh, smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head in dismay, his gaze cast downward.

“Weeeeeeeeee! This is so much fun!” Nadia squeals, her voice bursting with exuberant joy.

"You're absolutely right, gurl! This shit is amazing!" Ralf exclaims, feeling nostalgic for the good times he had with Clark on mercenary missions in the jungle.

Tarma unleashes a thunderous Tarzan yell, utterly shameless and fearless about attracting the attention of the guerrilla group members. However, his triumphant cry is abruptly cut short when he accidentally swallows a fast-moving insect, causing him to cough violently. He stops swinging from vine to vine and lands on a branch of a kapok tree, gasping for breath and reaching for his water canteen in his citron load-bearing backpack. Nadia can't help but burst out laughing at the unexpected turn of events. Meanwhile, Ralf stops by to check on Tarma, concern etched on his face.

"You okay, man?" Ralf asks, gently patting Tarma on the back with a hint of worry in his voice.

Tarma coughs some more, takes a long swig from his canteen, and clears his throat before calmly responding, "It could've been worse..."

Tarma's gaze wanders to Nadia, who’s still swinging with carefree abandon, then drops to Marco, Eri, and Tequila, clustered beneath the kapok tree's sprawling canopy, far below where he and Ralf stand. He swallows hard, the sound of his gulp audibly echoing through the air. Ralf's gaze follows, his expression contorting into an uneasy frown as his sunburst amber-sage eyes slowly lock onto Tarma.

“Maybe we should get back on track…” he suggests, wincing at the prospect of facing Eri's icy stare and scornful disapproval.

The thought of facing Clark's lecture at Sparrowhawk Operations Base makes him wince even more, especially if Eri shares the story of their impulsive escapade. Tarma silently nods and begins to carefully descend the kapok tree, using the vines for support. Ralf closely follows, keeping a watchful eye on Nadia as she continues to swing from vine to vine without a single care in the world. Her swift movements radiate pure joy, accompanied by thrilled shouts, squeals of excitement, and punctuated by a hilarious, off-key Tarzan jungle call.

After a few minutes of climbing down, Tarma and Ralf approach Marco, Eri, and Tequila, their heads hanging low in palpable shame. Marco's disapproving gaze settles on Tarma, who shifts uncomfortably, his hand drifting up to rub his upper arm in a telling sign of nervous humiliation. However, Marco's expression soon softens, his frustration easing as he realises he can't stay angrily disappointed at Tarma forever. Eri is furious with the two, her anger evident in a harsh puff of breath and her crossed arms, which seem to radiate a menacing aura. She's prepared to unleash a scathing tirade, especially once she discovers who sparked this entire debacle. Tequila appears relieved that they didn't attract unwanted attention, but his expression betrays frustration with their decision to slack off.

Luckily, Nadia soon returns from her vine-swinging escapade. However, her excitement is short-lived, a fragile vine snaps beneath her weight, sending her plummeting downwards. She lets out a blood-curdling scream, but Ralf swiftly swoops in, catching her small body in his arms. As he holds her, Nadia's trembling subsides, and she gradually calms down from the fear and exhilaration of her fall. Once she's composed, Ralf carefully sets her down on her feet, offering a reassuring pat on the back as she takes a deep, prolonged breath to calm her nerves. Now, Nadia braces herself for a scathing lecture from Eri, likely amplified by Tequila's disapproval. She fidgets with her thumbs, gazing up at the sky with an unconvincing attempt at feigning innocence.

Eri's gaze sweeps across the group, her eyes blazing with a fierce intensity as she growls, "Which one of you thought it was a fucking brilliant idea to act like reckless retards in a situation like this?"

Nadia swiftly deflects the blame, her finger pointing accusingly at Tarma as she twirls her raspberry red locks with her free hand.

"Tarms is the one who started it," she claims, her tone dripping with false nonchalance.

However, Tarma's and Ralf's unflinching, deadpan gazes effectively debunk Nadia's attempt at innocence, their silent incredulity speaking volumes. Eri's hand flashes up, poised to deliver a sharp slap to Nadia's face, but Marco swiftly intervenes, firmly grasping her wrist to prevent the blow. He wisely knows that escalating the tension will only make the volatile situation worse.

Marco's expression turns stoically resolute, his brow furrowing as he sternly suggests, "Let's call a truce for now and concentrate on our mission."

Eri lets out an irritated snarl, ripping her wrist from Marco's grasp and rubbing it lightly. She turns to Tequila, seeking validation, and receives a discreet, affirming nod, signalling his agreement with Marco's suggestion. Whirling around, Eri confronts Tarma, Ralf, and Nadia with a twisted face, mocking them with a scornful snort. Deciding to lecture them later, she spins on her heel and strides away, refocusing on their mission to track down the guerrilla group's base deep in the Amazon Rainforest, hoping it's within a reachable distance. Tequila exhales a tense sigh, hastening to catch up with Eri, while Ralf follows quietly, ready to take on the guerrilla forces. Nadia falls into step behind them, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face, pouting silently like a sulky child.

Tarma pulls out a cigarette from his saffron-yellow vest, and Marco retrieves a cigar from his left khaki-green army cargo pants pocket, seeking to calm his frazzled nerves. As he approaches his queerplatonic friend, Marco extracts a gilded lighter from his crimson vest pocket and kindly lights both his cigar and Tarma's cigarette.

"Nadia... She never fails to amaze me with the creative ways she manages to stir up bullshit," Marco mutters, shaking his head in amused disapproval.

Tarma's expression turns mischievous as he sarcastically remarks, "I have to admit, she's quite the firecracker."

As he speaks, Tarma accompanies his words with a soft, affectionate squeeze of Marco's right hand, eliciting a gentle smile. Marco basks in the warm, carefree presence of his best friend and recent queerplatonic partner, enjoying Tarma’s breezy attitude on life. He could linger in this cozy moment forever, but he's keenly aware that pressing matters demand their attention.

After a few moments of adoring eye contact, Marco breaks the comfortable silence with a soft clearing of his throat, and suggests, "Shall we get going?"

Tarma exhales a stream of cigarette smoke and responds with a subtle nod, then quickly falls into step beside Marco as they catch up to Eri, Ralf, and Tequila, who are already some distance ahead. The team is eager to complete their mission, apprehend the criminals, and return to the Sparrowhawk Operations Base in one piece. Marco looks forward to reuniting with his calico cat, Perifa, and enjoying some snuggle time. Tarma can't wait to get back to restoring Clark's custom-built Velocette MAC motorcycle after this mission is complete.

Nadia is eager to spend quality time with Trevor and challenge him to another round of Dance Dance Revolution. Nadia is also looking forward to indulging in some of Fio's delectable baked goods. Tequila hopes that Red Eye is keeping Gimlet in line, ensuring he doesn't succumb to his typical laziness and womanising ways. Tequila and Eri can't wait to unwind with a well-deserved drink and good company back at the Sparrowhawk Operations Base, while Ralf hopes that Clark is doing well in his absence.

[nightshade-system]

I rarely use this blog, but I've been thinking a lot the past couple years on the fixation people have with systems needing to have trauma and it kind of just doesn't make sense to me anymore. Like I know for sure I have trauma and that is why I am a system, however. There's so much we just don't know about the human brain and psychology. There's so little well done research on systems, especially ones with more complex formations outside of traditional DID. Psychology as a field is incredibly flawed in so many ways that I just don't think it's right, and it's especially not my place, to tell someone that they are A) lying about being a system, B) lying about not having trauma, C) some other reason used to hate on people. I dunno it just rubs me the wrong way, it feels needlessly hateful. It's fine to want to create spaces where you can share the specific and nuanced experiences of being a traumatized system, it's fine to not like other systems, I just feel like we have to move on from fake claiming people because they're not 'traumatized enough'

[realmsalot]

I've been obsessed with Relativity Falls au for some reason lately so of course I've been turning around my own version in my head lately. And with Fiddleford I keep flip flopping on who I would switch him because there are many good options. Like

Fiddleford <> Pacifica:

This seems to be the most popular option, I've seen many old woman Pacifica designs, but I personally cannot see McGucket be the snotty rich kid that Pacifica was at the start. I CAN see how he could be rich (Tate McGucket probably invented something and got a lot of money for it) but CAN'T see him be anyway snotty about it. I think the best way to make Fiddleford fit this role is through a series of misunderstandings. He is trying SO HARD to be nice to these twin brothers who are spending their summer in Gravity Falls and he just keeps messing up. He tries to make a robot to help them out but it end up turning evil and they assume that it was ment to sabotage them from the start. He tries to have a nice conversation with them but because he's rich he's just out touch enough to come off rude and show offy. FIDDS IS TRYING TO BE NICE FROM THE START!

Fiddleford <> Candy

It is easily the second most popular option here. There really isn't much to say with this one it's probably the one that makes the most sense. I can easily see Candy going to Backupsmore and telling Dipper/Mabel about the weird things shes seen in Gravity Falls. The idea that Stanley and Fidds became friends first before Ford and Fidds is interesting. My main grip with it is that if we're going with the version where Dipper is swapped with Ford, it implies that Mable and Candy never really became friends in this universe, which I find really sad. Honestly I think that the main reason this swap exists in that context is because of that one episode were they go on a road trip and Candy got crush on Dipper mixed with fact that many people ship FiddleAuthor.

Fiddleford <> Soos

Hear me out, hear me OUT! I've seen a few versions where even when Soos' Grandma is swapped with Soos, they also add Fidds as a handyman at the Shack anyways. But why not go the whole way, ya'know? Soos was a friend that Dipper met and shared a dorm with in Backupsmore. Soos was still older than Dipper. Soos and Melody were already married with a kid on the way, and Soos was also Gravity Falls' local handyman. He decided to get college and get like a mechanical engineering degree or maybe a trade in something there because even in the small town of Gravity Falls technology was only getting more and more complicated and Soos wanted to be able to keep up so he can keep making money for his family by fixing things. During their time at Backupsmore, Soos would tell Dipper about some of the crazy things he's seen living in Gravity Falls, and that inspires Dipper to go study it after college. And then the rest of that rolls out predictably. I can easily (and sadly) see Soos becoming the local kook. I imagine that it will also be much sadder for the locals to see Soos acting up because many of them have memories of him coming to fix their microwaves and stuff. And as for Fidds, he's the Mystery Shack's handyman. You can make him around the same age as the Stan twins, we know that in cannon that Soos started working there around that age, so he doesn't have to be Soos' cannon age. I think this works best with Dipper and Ford switching places because in cannon Dipper and Soos were friends, so it kinda easily transfers, ya'know. I've put a lot in this one.

And uh yeah that's my incoherent ramblings...

[randomlonelymusician]

Mental Health in Media - Mikoto Kayano

Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID, has a complicated history in media. It's often portrayed as dangerous, or something that makes the person violent, such as with the 'murderous alter*' trope. These portrayals treat people with DID, or systems, not as people with a disability, but as "crazy" or as people to be feared. And fear and lack of sympathy are the two main drivers of hatred.

Then, in mid-2020, an anime music project released called MILGRAM, focusing on ten prisoners all guilty of murder (loosely). And along with it came Mikoto Kayano.

Mikoto Kayano is the ninth prisoner of MILGRAM, and on the surface seems like an average young adult who has no clue what he did or why he's in prison. But in his first music video [1], it's revealed that one, he is a murderer, and two, he has DID. Some fans of the series, systems or otherwise, took issue to this portrayal, as it falls right back in to the murderous alter trope. But beyond just the content of the music video, there's a lot more to Mikoto and his "murderous" alter, dubbed "John" by the prison guard, that makes his case a lot more complicated.

Like all characters in MILGRAM, Mikoto is portrayed in a morally grey and nuanced light. But above that, there's more to his character than his crime. Mikoto has a past: he has a job, a family, hobbies, and motivations. He's portrayed as a person, not a monster. And what I love is his John also gets to speak for himself [2]. As presumably the protector** in his system, John kills to "save" Mikoto from the stress and trauma of his life. (Besides having an abusive childhood, it's implied he isn't in a great space at work, either.)

He’s not the type of person who could do stuff like that! He always looks out for others, always reads the room, always tries to get along with people around him! He can’t do stuff like that… He was on the verge of exploding! That’s why I was born. It’s obvious, isn’t it? [Mikoto] didn’t do anything!

Mikoto/John isn't just some scary, cold-hearted killer. He's a human who's gone through so much and met his breaking point over and over. Allowing Mikoto to have this humanity, and John to have his own voice, are what allow this portrayal to rise above all of these tired tropes into something more complex.

But there are a few issues, of course. Besides falling into that trope in the first place, the depth of Mikoto's life outside of MILGRAM is shallow compared to the other prisoners. Both of his music videos focus very heavily on the fact that he has DID. With other prisoners, the audience gets to learn about their victim, the circumstances around the crime, and further information about their past. With Mikoto's music videos, there is little information on the victim or the circumstances leading up to the crime; everything is extremely broad. And little is known about his past, his family life, or even his trauma. To some, this could be disappointing to see his DID be the main focus of his crime.

But despite these gripes, many fans, especially systems within the MILGRAM community, love and appreciate Mikoto. He may not be considered perfect representation, but for people who have had their disability be constantly demonized, it's nice to see a character who's treated like a person.

Thank you for reading! I do not have DID or a DD myself, so everything here is either from research, personal accounts online, or info from my sister who has a DD -> @gxrogurl

Citations & *'s below:

Dissociative Disorders Information in the DSM-5 TR (p 491)

MeMe [The First Trial Music Video]

Second Voice Drama "Neoplasm" and Translations

*Alter - a part of a system, often having a unique name and personality

**Protector - an alter whose role is to protect the system from physical, emotional, or mental harm; some methods can be destructive, others are not

If anything seems incorrect, please let me know!

[specialgradefckr]

Is your heatwave series still ongoing? Going crazy over it atm

I must say that I just loooove it! I'm crazy about Omegaverse especially since you can mess with the universe lots— the thought of feral men💕

And you do it sooo well aaah! I love your stuff<333

I adore adding a trope of inner wolf (think of inner monologue/their institutional primal side that's absolutely unhinged) makes me giggle— hear me out : they *try* to be nice and polite and a good alpha to the sweet little omega it's just... they smell so good and their wolf is just soooo hungry!!

Even better if there's like a forbidden trope >:) he knows he shouldn't and it's wrong but he can't help it!! That dumb little mutt brain of his doesn't care about what's wrong or right, cheating or whatnot hehe

Or a servere commitment issues Gojo who's wold is practically *drooling* over sweet lil omega y/n!! he tried to fight it so much but he failed:( he must look sooo pathetic all panting and growling like a wild dog but it feels sooo good! He hates the idea of commitment but his wolf is so desperate that its almost as if the omega is his owner >:) perhaps commitment isn't so bad...

Anyway, a little unplanned rant, thank you for the food!!

You're very welcome <3

The Heatwave series has three fics left to go - day 8 and 10 are half-written, and day 9 I'm kinda worried about but I'll get there when I get there skjfhglhdg.

I've gotten pretty distracted with this yandere fic ngl sdfkghlsdhg

But yeah!! Omegaverse stuff has been really fun to write for the most part. It helps that I've mixed it up a bit - beta reader, alpha reader, and omega reader. The final day is omega/omega and I'm really excited for that!

I'm glad you enjoy it so much! Sometimes I do look at the works and go "is this even really omegaverse" so it's nice to know I'm doing well on that front.

See, the "inner wolf" thing makes me think too much of werewolf stuff (which I don't necessarily hate but it's not the angle I'm going for). But I can achieve basically the same effect with like, "your omega instincts compel you", and I also really like how that can blend with the reader's internal monologue.

Like your omega instincts are telling you to jump on his knot, sure, but that's also just you wanting to jump on his knot. It feels less distant, more like an intrusive thought than a separate entity. I've enjoyed some stuff that had the "inner wolf" stuff going on, though! It can be great for breaking up the more stoic characters.

I am definitely all for characters going feral and wild with need. Is it?? Even LOVE? If it isn't driving them completely insane???

As for Gojo being a commitment-phobe - I do see it, and I do also see Gojo going so wild and impulsive that he accidentally ties himself into something he doesn't want.

Would be absolutely hilarious to see him fighting mate-withdrawal, alpha protector/provider instincts, etc. I think a lot of the appeal there would be him trying to walk back on the mating but not being able to, and then you're also in the picture bringing your own complicated feelings to the table and maybe throwing his shitty behavior in the face... so many fun ways to go about it.

[jenn-the-butterfly]

Been sitting on some sketches that got me through a rough mental dip. Practicing my sequential art and stuff is nice but god did I need the fluff that came with it. Holiday season can suck my butt.

Funny the only one who didn't get a solo run was Ty, I should make up to him for it

Echo is such a food junkie he's not allowed to pick the apples himself because he starts eating them, but after being a good boy with the basket he's given a treat. A little love munch makes sure it's ripe, gives him an easier place to bite down and sharing food is a sign of affection 🥰

Everyone got used to Jenn's night terrors pretty quick. She's had them for ages and skipped sleep a lot because of them, but Nova has been keeping her on track regardless because it's not healthy to run on empty like she does. While they can't do anything about the dreams, sometimes a little smooch settles the nerves for you 💕

In the cases where that doesn't work and her brain is just being absolutely horrid, even when awake... Well, there still isn't much to do at all. Event is hands on with his problem solving, so he has complicated feelings about his human seeking him out for comfort and safety but being physically unable to do anything about it. Drives him crazy, but he's not a quitter 🥺

Last batch is sketches taken from a pose sheet by AonikaArt on DA

[stealingpotatoes]

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW AHSOKA EPISODE IM SCREAMING

I HAVE and this is honestly the first week i've been actually invested in watching the next ep omg!!! they're doing interesting stuff!!

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

THERE'S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT OMG. first of all i have to say the late great ray stevenson/ baylan is absolutely the highlight of the show acting & character wise, there's so much depth he's putting into the character somehow like every line he says i'm shoving sabine and ahsoka aside like this is my new fave sorry lesbians. biggest cuntserve of the show

HOWEVER COMMA THE REASON I'M SO INVESTED IS BC IT'S SUCH A GREAT WRITING CHOICE TO HAVE SABINE GIVE INTO HER ATTACHMENTS AND JOIN THE THRAWN STANS TO GET EZRA BACK. YES!!! SHE WOULD!!! she isn't ready to let go of her attachments!!! she won't do as ahsoka says!! fuckin anakincore of her!!! willing to raze the galaxy for the last few parts of her family!! LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS GOES

Also I think the direction was a lot better? I'm shit at clocking how good fight scene direction is but there were a lot of scenes that just felt so much stronger than the prev eps? like when sabine puts the ball in baylan's hand they made you FEEL the weight of that moment with the pacing and camera and the sound design.

ACTUALLY THO THE FIGHT SCENES WERE A LOT BETTER THIS EP partly bc there was just. More to them? i liked how ahsoka dealt w marrok in 2 seconds basically indiana jones shooting the sword guy style bc that made the baylan/ahsoka fight SO MUCH MORE IMPACTFUL bc she's seriously trying and she's flipping and doing all this crazy stuff that makes you go shittttt these guys are super great jedi -- AND ALL WHILE trying to get the map so it wasnt just a "we're fighting bc we're fighting/ to not die" there was a very feasible objective on-hand to make the already great fight even better

and of course i have to talk abt That. i was poggin beyond belief when hayden showed up like LETS GOOOOOOO. and its super cool!!!!! but i do hope they do smthn interesting with this tho (I HAVE FAITH IN THIS SHOW AFTER THIS WEEK SO I'M HOPEFUL) and actually explore ahsoka and the super fuckedup complicated relationship she has w anakin/vader instead of going "ah its so nice to see you again!! im gonna ignore you murdered children and all our friends and tried to kill me etc etc bc people want to see us as friends!" like no i dont want that!! this should be her opportunity to work w the trauma they keep hinting at but not rlly exploring (ie w her taking on forceless sabine as a padawan or how she keeps acting like all that happened was she walked away from anakin and he didnt fall. it could be good writing for trauma) and have ahsoka like... accept the past accept what her master became and MAKE ME INVESTED IN THIS ITERATION OF THE CHARACTER. BC THERE HAS BEEN LIKE NO CHARACTER MOMENTS AND IT'S NOT HELPED BY THE ACTING/ WRITING!!

also did ezra yoinking her outta the world between worlds give her nine lives is she just gonna be able to walk out after dying again

[madamejadex]

Hi Miss Jade,

Oooo zodiac signs??? Geminis do get a bad rep, but I also think it has to do with your rising and Descending signs. There's a lot of variables that go into a person too. To solely base if someone is a good person or not by their sign isn't really fair. Don't get me wrong, I have found that PERSONALLY, I have bad luck when it comes to having Geminis as sexual partners, but I make amazing friends with them. But that could be just how our signs and everything interact. Now the two that I have dated, one of them is a great person and the other is a.... Not nice word. But that's not because she's a Gemini 😂 that's because she wasn't raised right/has a lot of trauma as we all do. Gemini is an Air sign. Mine is Aquarius also an Air sign, so you would think we would blend well together. But my rising is Leo, and my descending is Aries, both fire signs. So with just my blend alone can be considered combustible / volatile or energetic/passionate. Add more air into the mix that could end badly you know? I don't date people specifically to what their signs are but I do take it into consideration. I find that I make great partners with Earth signs, they help keep me grounded, especially since I'm highly emotional, they can help me calm down during high stress moments, where water signs sound like they would be a good combination because air and water coexist cohesively, water isn't good for fire. It can be in extreme moments. But again this is all subjected by how it's interpreted by each person. If I find out the love of my life is a water sign am I going to turn them away just because of this ? Or turn away a fire sign? Or because of the luck I've had with Geminis would I say no? No because each person is different and each combination is different.

It can be fun to speculate and explore how we think we would blend with each other but when it comes down to it, your sign is not your only defining character. Heck even accounting for the enneagram type can be a huge factor too. I guess what I'm saying is, people have this shallow perception of others based on their signs which is almost insulting because us as humans are far more complex / deep than just that you know?

Sorry for the ramble but as a recap of my signs- Rising: Leo. Sun: Aquarius. Descending: Aries

I've been absent for a little bit, I'm sorry 🥺. Things have been crazy and very up and down for me. I finally have moved out of the shared apartment I had with my wife... I got my own place, a cute studio that's even closer to my work than my previous place. I have just about all my stuff out. I took my one baby (we had 4 cats. I brought one into the marriage and she brought 1 / we got 2 together. But she is getting to keep them)

I've been on my own now for five days. During this entire time I had relapsed and started to smoke cigarettes again after quitting for a year and half. I was chain smoking it was so bad. Before when I smoked I would go through a pack in a week and a half. Now during all of this I have been smoking half a pack each day from March 7th till April 9th. As of April 10th I haven't smoked, and I have a complicated relationship with cigarettes. This is a story for another time, but Im an addict and have been sober for 13 years. Cigarettes are what helped me get sober so you can see how it can be complicated.

On April 9th I smoked the last cigarette I had in my pack and the following day was moving day. I havent had a cigarette since / havent felt the need to smoke since I've been out of the shared environment and in my own space. It was such a relief to be honest. I have had moments where I could feel myself getting annoyed or just stressed and I'll chew some nicotine gum and I won't need to smoke. I can start to finally rebuild myself again. I'm excited for what my future holds, and while this divorce is far from over, I'm just glad I have my own peace/space. I also thought that my first night I was going to cry or break down from sadness. But in fact I had the opposite. I was so happy. Happy I had my mom come down and support me/ help me move. My coworkers volunteered to help me move so I didn't have to hire movers. My regular/friend giving me legal advice and guidance. This is a shitty situation, but I am overwhelmed by the amount of support and love I am getting from others when I felt like I was alone and isolated. I didn't even ask they just did this stuff. I am grateful for the people in my life that have come out to make sure I was okay instead of having to fight this fight alone like I'm used to.

I know this wasn't really an ask/I haven't been able to read much of your blog Miss Jade as of late but I wanted to pop in and give you a life update ☺�� once I get more settled I know I'll probably be sending some more naughty thoughts to fill your inbox and mind with 😘.

I hope you're well, I hope you're drinking enough water and eating properly ☺️. I wish you to continue to be blessed with good fortune, support, and love from whomever you need it from, even if it's from your not so little fan base here. I hope you're taking the time to care for yourself properly 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽 blessed be Madam Jade 💚💚💚💚💚

-🦔

Hello, my sweet little hedgehog.

Thank you for sharing all of that with me. It really sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot lately, but I’m so proud of you for pushing through and carving out your own little corner of peace. I hope you’re taking a moment to really breathe it in, you deserve that fresh start more than you know.

And please don’t ever apologize for being a little quiet. Life happens, and this space will always be here when you’re ready, whether it’s to ramble, share a little life update, or send those naughty thoughts you hinted at. You know I’ll be here, smiling whenever you pop back up. 💋

You made me smile talking about zodiac signs too, you have such a thoughtful way of looking at things. It’s refreshing, and honestly, you’re absolutely right. We’re all a lot more complex than the day we were born under.

I'm so glad you're finding some support and love around you right now. You’ve earned every bit of it, darling. I hope you keep leaning into that happiness every chance you get.

Take good care of yourself, alright? I’m sending you a big, warm hug, and I’m always here when you feel like dropping by again. 🤍

xo Miss Jade

[soulfullofold]

continuing from previous post but uuuuuuuu not sure if this is remotely interesting to people but i'm taking a ceramics class rn and it's consumed my life completely

i'm out of university so i am auditing it. which has its own unique challenges of working full time + missing work for class + having to put in so many extra & odd hours in the studio to get assignments done. it's really nice to be in an academic setting again. I never actually took an art class in college...well...I took a 300lvl Art History class and tecchhhnically an ART class but focused on motion picture / film so not a proper studio art class with critique and studio hours. it's a nice new experience is my point. I was signed up for wheel throwing but they had to split the class into two sections so I got put in hand building instead (so that the actual students could take wheel LOL). it's fine; i really don't mind hand building. but we're starting from scratch scratch and i'm like. I just want to make weird sculptures not tiles but i understand and respect the progression of the class.

i'm pretty proud of what i'm making (even with the railroady assignments) and i really like our professor. she's really good about involving students in more complex things if they ask, and i love to ask. like please teach me how to make your own glaze and how to load / unload the kiln...

today i was sitting at my work desk just daydreaming about how to continue doing this after this class. i know ceramics is expensive as hell but it's also like. not That bad all things considered. like clay isn't too too bad, and you can recycle a lot of it from your tools and messed up projects. even if you have like. 1-2 glazes that you return to over and over again, it helps establish your identity as an artist so there's no need to have like a bajillion different options necessarily, as nice as it would be. even a wheel isn't required since you can hand build everything. a slab roller would be nice and so would a K I L N but you know how it is. studio membership is pretty expensive but at least i could have access to these things if needed. anyways i went on kilnshare and the nearest kiln to me is ~2 hours away. but i stalked the lady who ran the studio and learned all about her LOL (she shares prolifically on FB). And it's just....yeah i dunno. it would be cool to keep it up if I could.

But also I know I have a tendency to throw my entire self into whatever I do, no matter how mundane it is. So I'm like. Okay do we REALLY need to deep dive into all of this ceramics stuff and try and source a kiln and clay and build a studio (whaaaat)? I've literally been doing this for 3 or 4 weeks. What Gives. Cool The Jets. I did this with screen printing and block printing and embroidery to a lesser extent and it's just...I'm not in a place to afford RENT why am I like 👀 oh let's see if anyone is selling their used $5k kiln haa haa. Don't worry. I will definitely have a place for it and be able to literally power it with enough electricity.

I really enjoy sculpting and I think the ability to make Functional art is very very cool. And to produce it relatively easier (compared to a painting which is...a huge huge time sink for not a lot of replicable effort imo). I'm also happier experimenting with sculpture than I am with paint, I dunno. It's a different brain space to me.

The clay dust must be congealing in my brain. Clown Brain is a very accurate title; it's like clown lung but for my art-related decision making. I guess I'm just in the honeymoon stage with ceramics. I really am enjoying it very much, even if I do sometimes have to spend 14 hours straight in the studio to get projects done or come in multiple times per day or whatever. And it's literally just the most simple hand building projects that I just like to make crazy complicated for fun.

Yesterday and today I made 100 pinch pots :) Mugs are SOON since we learn handles tomorrow. mother of god it's all real. once my tiles are through the glaze firing, i will post them. also i found out someone's project blew up and took mine out with it in the bisque. i spent like 40 hrs on that thang. Great. but i'm trying to stay positive.

AND . sorry this is so rambly i'm just on little sleep and many thoughtless hours hunched over a banding wheel. and it has been nice, i think, to just make art i want to make again. (holds my hands out like spongebob about to be squished) I MEAN like . non arpg personal art. just like. yeah i want to draw a hill with a distant figure on it. no it's not an oc and no i don't have to score it for points and no i don't have to show or explain it to literally anyone. like i'm enjoying experimenting with subject matter that i like outside of twwm / esk after my fallout from exiting staff. also that is a whole other can of worms i am still processing so if you know me from that space, i am very sorry for the sudden change and for the little to no explanation for the sake of being professional but you can dm me and we can talk about it if you're curious. i don't hold any ill will for the game and i'm so happy that people are still enjoying it and their characters outside of me but man i have had experiences and many many thoughts.

okay that snuck in outta nowhere YAY sculpting YAY someone stop me from trying to randomly derail my life and create a pottery studio in the backyard i don't own

[shaunsummers]

Two Dykes Went Up to Georgia

"He did?" Visibly taken back by the news, Lilith's face twists in mixed reaction. Surely, letting go of the responsibility of keeping her fed was a relief but she had seen her fair share of bad days. How harsh storms or cold could keep her apartment bound. "Isn't that going to be hard on you?" Being construction work, it was her primary concern. With a light pop of her lips, Lilith places the gloss to the side, turning to search for reassurance that had yet to come; but Shaun looked so steadfast and, admittedly, handsome in this light gleam of newfound independence.

There was something about that answer that was a little off. It was weird, with how much Quinn drooled, that she wasn't nose deep into Bumble or whatever the fuck and her eyes narrow in suspension as the order of word salad is served. "I don't exactly believe you but, whatever, if you're into weird shit like being vacuum sealed then you could just say that. I'm sure you could still find someone."

As for herself, well, it was complicated. "But, like, I've told you about Kaine. Big dick, bigger disappointment. I know I don't have to be in a relationship and, ew, don't want that; but where's the fun when you're sharing your location? You know what I mean? Maybe I'll have half an orgasm. Maybe I'll get kidnapped. That's not a level of excitement I want in my life right now. My therapist even said I should focus on me right now and, you know, she's right. I can fuck myself better than any of those losers, anyways. Even if sometimes I get depressed because all my real relationships have been catastrophic failures, I'm still out here winning."

-------

"Maybe sometimes, but I'll sort it." Shaun replies with a small shrug. Lilith had seen plenty of stiff, awkward shuffling and her body crackling like a bowl of Rice Krispies to completely dismiss the notion, but she'd had the thought already, and it wasn't enough to turn her away. "Beatrix's dad isn't an asshat, and I don't think I'm invincible. It's workable."

Too, what else did she have going for her? She didn't have the money to go to college like many of those around her. She'd had good grades before, but after the accident, it'd been a stroke of luck to graduate on time. At all, even. Disability checks had kept her alive, but barely, and it almost seemed like that was the point of them. How could you really live if the most you could ever own at any given time was $1200? Working construction beat that, or any other soul-sucking minimum wage job. She could make things with her hands—something she was good at—and feel like she was doing something worthwhile. The option was the best she could hope for, really, not that she wanted to unload that on Lilith.

"It's hard work, I know, but I can do it. The muscles aren't just for show, you know." Shaun teases lightheartedly, a small smile playing at the edge of her lips. "And, to be fair, he's been up my ass about it since high school. I just finally decided to take him up on it."

Of course, Quinn could only snicker at the accusation of some left-field fetish, but even in the backhanded way Robin always seemed to, she did manage to say something kind of sweet at the end. With the mention of the royal fuckwad himself—along with the many wild stories of dysfunction that managed to slip out of her over the last few months—Robin's therapist was probably right on that one.

"Well, you're sayin' that with your back lookin' like Hamburger Helper right now," Quinn razzes her, cricking a grin over her shoulder. "But I hear ya."

"...I kinda miss it, though. Bein' in a relationship, I mean." She chimes in after a few moments of silence, starting to work the gel along the small cuts running jagged up Robin's form. "Like, it's kinda nice. Just hangin' out, havin' someone to do stuff with and be able to talk about whatever. Bein' able to just have a good time doin' nothin', good sex and cuddlin' and all that. It's just all the crazy shit that comes with it that ruins it. But I do still kinda miss it sometimes. The nice parts, anyway."

[pumkinbones]

Personal garbage I need to get out under the cut.

Been very emotionally tired of late. It's been draining all my batteries and I'm desperately trying to charge them. Keep my mind busy yanno? Getting back into drawing has helped tremendously! Seriously it's been years since I produced so much and it's amazing. (Crazy what reduced stress and more happiness will do for a person, huh?) But I'm afraid I'm gonna burn myself out because I've piled projects onto myself. Ones I am SUPER excited for but afraid my desire to keep drawing daily to distract myself might have a negative effect.

Now since I no longer have to worry about two other people, I am now focusing on other things to worry about even though things are definitely fine. Like the art burnout or what other people think of me. Past couple of weeks have been me afraid that my friends are only putting up with me out of pity. That I really am a horrible person. I don't deserve happiness. How dare I bother people when I'm lonely because I'm not worth other people spending their energy on me. I am annoying others and I should just shut up. I have to remind myself that it isn't true. Easier said than done...

What's complicating matters is there is this lady at work who is so nice and kind. We share similar backgrounds. She's helped keep me company, and talked me through stuff when I was having my meltdown in June. She's already told me she likes me, and I really don't know how to process that. Besides I don't think I'm ready for an in person relationship so soon. Especially when there is already someone else on my mind.

I've had this... for lack of a better term, crush on this other person for years at this point. I know nothing will probably come of it because of many reasons. But focusing my attention on them, seeing them happy, it makes me happy as well. It's all I want right now. I don't wanna make things weird or ruin anything. Their friendship means so much to me.

While dealing with this I've been having nightmares. Nonstop dreams that the girls are trying to get back into my life. Hell one scared me and flipped me out of the bed because I "woke up" and both of them were beside me in bed. I freaked out and pushed them away, but then I actually woke up when I hit the floor. Seems like l shoved the mattress hard and the springs bounced me the rest of the way. Others are just them barging into the house unannounced or trying to aggressively confront me in public. This right here is what's been sucking the soul out of me. If this would stop I would at least be able to keep my energy at a half a tank...

Soon hopefully my brain will calm down. Getting this out has already helped. Though I know it's still a rocky road ahead. Healing is hard, anxiety sucks, but if it weren't for all the other kind people in my life I don't know where I'd be. I love all of them. Especially the cursed ass ones. <3

[birdystolas]

Why are your split personality disorder so much cooler than mine? You always get the best stuff in America.

Now I'm just being stupid. Seriously though. I have a new, guy probably, it feels like that. But he is stealing time. Fronts is a really good word, I'm borrowing that from you. Who ever is fronting (I want to write all of us but I sound so mental if I do, or?) the others see and hear everything, even if they can't influence what's happening. This new scares me a little. Why is he hiding what he is doing? All I notice is time missing. I never talked with a psychiatrist about this thing, that I split up, because I been to prison a couple of times when I was younger. It's when Marcus, my protector, has defended me, and he is a real mean bastard, but he only takes over if someone gets violent with me, so I just let him do his thing, but I think if a doctor would have known about my multiple personalities I wouldn't have gotten 6 months in jail for assault. They would lock me up for good on a mental institution and fry my brain with chemicals. Should I contact a doctor? I think about this missing time, and I have a feeling that it's a new guy stealing time. Why would he hide what he is doing when not even Marcus does it, and he is dangerous if he think someone wants to hurt me.

Oh I shouldn't burden you with this. Don't take it like I'm in anyway giving you any responsibility to come up with any solutions. It's just that I don't have anyone to ask about these things. I never met anybody before that have this experience. I love my partner, and I don't want her to be scared of me so I never talked to her how deep this goes. When I tried to talk to my family they ask me if I'm insane even before I started to tell them how complicated this is.

I looked through your blog very carefully today, and you had made a post you probably screen dumped where the one reposting it promises to answer anything. That's why I ask you this. Please don't think I'm crazy or dangerous or something, because I'm not. The regular me isn't more than 13 years emotionally, and a rather sweet and nice boy. God, now I really sound crazy, but you know what I mean, don't you? I can't have misread you so completely. I think you're just like me just much younger, that's why I feel I can write to you about this.

Tell me if its to much and you got enough to deal with, with all your own crap. I won't get hurt. I feel like that myself, and feel more than a little guilty about burdening you with my anxiety when you already got so much of your own. Answer in a dm if you got the energy, or just pretend you never got this if it's to much.

Later siss.

Me🫶

you're okay, bro. I promise.

I would try to talk to a psychiatrist, psychologist, a therapist... whoever you can. if you're getting scared of your DID, I'd try to get some help. everyone's obviously different with how things work for them, but if the issue is getting judged, then they're assholes. (not your partner. I'd talk to her about this first... if she gets mad and leaves, dm me IMMEDIATELY.)

and you're never a burden. we just had to do some absolutely unnecessary shit today so I'm just now resting (it's 10:08 pm for me rn (22:08)).

please ask or DM me whenever. all of us would love to help you, even if the others' methods are... questionable.

take care, bro. 🫂

[lemonflowercat]

it's complicated: ch.01

i got stuck in freeze mode today, and i think it's because yesterday was a "fail day". i don't think i know very well how to regulate emotions that are associated with failure. anyway, although i did none of the things on my 75 soft list, i did get other things done - meal prep, laundry, some chores. i also watched a decent movie. ate 2 decent meals and then, a fight with A + luteal phase exhaustion made me cave into fast food. the highlight of my day was, while waiting at the ENT for A, this lady who was there to get her daughter checked, turned to me and handed me her business card. she kindly informed me that she was a health and fitness coach who has a big group of women she conducts "online fitness classes" for on Zoom, and said i should definitely join because, i quote, "you will look beautiful if you lose weight." it was kinda sad but mostly funny. i couldn't even be angry because i feel like we're from different generations and different worlds altogether, i just felt sorry for her and all the women in her class for believing that their beauty/worth was tied to a number on a scale. --- which is still something i find myself believing in on my lowest days. <sigh>

on a tangent,

i've started this new thing of noting what triggers the i'm-not-in-control-around-food feelings and it's interesting. so far i've noted

sleep deprivation

restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days

strong sadness or frustration

anger directed at myself

feeling like a failure

when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting

not eating enough filling stuff through the day

waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch

eating out

having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house

for sure these are pretty run of the mill reasons, and you'd think i'd have been aware of them already - but i wasn't! actually noting down these triggers has made me realise that a good chunk of them are practical problems - which makes me feel like less of a crazy person. for instance,

sleep deprivation

not eating enough filling stuff through the day

waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch

some of them are emotional, and i think this comes from the unhealthy ways i learnt to regulate my emotions through childhood.

restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days

strong sadness or frustration

anger directed at myself

feeling like a failure

when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting

and then there are some things that are a reflection of the way my parents have been about food

eating out

having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house

noting down all of this makes it easier for me to find solutions - especially the practical reasons that drive my binge sessions. i can also empathize with myself now! - i can finally turn off that mean voice in my head that berates me and my "fat girl" food choices. kinda also makes me feel less like a victim, and more of just a person to whom life's happening, y'know?

next steps from here will be 1. continue noting triggers 2. work out solutions for the ones identified

step 2 is easy for the practical ones.

sleep deprivation: a. of course, try not to miss out on sleep too often in a week. like once a week should be good. b. if i haven't slept too late (like say before 2 am), wake up at 8 am latest because then my cycle doesn't get too fucked up, my brain isn't as groggy, and my day still feels almost normal. b. often i'm too exhausted to cook so maybe have easy filling meal ideas at hand? c. it's cool to just eat whatever i want anyway

not eating enough filling stuff through the day a. again something that only happens if i'm too exhausted to cook, so having easy filling meal ideas at hand is the way to go. b. literally, just order in something nice and filling and wholesome if i can't cook - i deserve it

waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch eat a fruit or a toast with something, can swap out afternoon tea for a no-milk one to maintain calorie count.

problem solving for the other categories are just...well, things i'm still learning about myself and reading about. there's lots of figuring out wise-lemonflowercat is still working her way through. two things that i might have something for though:

restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze-mode days now this one -is a hard one. and i have big days of this coming up since i've hit PMS season. here's a rule i'm making for myself this PMS season, and i'm hoping to stick with this whenever i go into freeze modes: no media consumption when PMSing/freeze mode-ing. i don't want to call this a "rule", it's more of advice wise-lemonflowercat has for everyday-lemonflowercat: media consumption/hanging out on the internet is a slippery slope for me when vulnerable (PMS, freeze mode), because i get too easily sucked into doomscrolling or binge watching - both of which leave me feeling drained, my brain feels disgusting and body feels like a potato. so i actively want to make sure to either read or self-express (write, make art) instead. one movie/day - preferrable in the night - is a-ok.

feeling like a failure - have multiple restart points through the day. the "failure-feeling" or "i'm-a-loser-feeling" is one that often greets me on 1. the morning after a typical "fail day" 2. as the day progresses and things don't go as planned 3. when i get stuck in freeze mode i'm in the process of getting better at self-talking myself through the morning ones, and by far it's the easiest because it's still the start of a new day. but the other 2 have been where i crash and burn, often zombie-ing through the day, waiting for it to be night time just so it can be morning - the only time my brain considers appropriate for a fresh start. i want to give myself more "fresh start" points through the day. it's going to look something like x -> fresh start, where x is an activity that really clears my mind. ideal times are, 1. around 11 am 2. around 4-4.30 pm and 'x' can be, 1. MOVEMENT like i am still always surprised at how it can really flip my mood around! cardio works best - walks, runs, or even just a 20min session of HIIT. sometimes these require more motivation than i have at hand, and i find yoga, pilates easier to do. but every . time. i finish a sesh and i feel like a brand new person again. 2. meditate+breathwork is a bit of a hit and miss. it has worked more times than not though, especially when coupled with 3. a good long shower. with scented candles, peppy music, maybe a pre-shower face/hair mask, moisturising after - basically, just really showering love on my body. 4. a science-y podcast: this works for me because i'm such a nerd, ig. i love weird facts, discussions really get my brain going and just listening to all the amazing things people are doing out there is a real motivator for me to get on and do my shit too! 5. journalling 6. watching "productivity guru" videos ahahaha, no but like really. i have a few go to people, and i just turn on the video in the background and it's like someone is giving me the talk i needed to hear. also a hit miss - honestly, a miss more often, because it's easy to get sucked into doomscrolling from here. i think this whole strategy works great to combat that all-or-nothing mindset of needing a day to be perfect top to bottom. it's really sad the amount of grief i give myself over a couple of wasted hours, and i really do hope i'm able to teach myself to turn a day around at any point.

i wonder if there are people to whom all of this seems blatantly obvious. i guess i'm just not a person these things come naturally to, and i have to actually teach myself to be this way. i think this is what self-love and self-parenting are about, really.

[noelxbe]

bexstevie

"probably." who wouldn't? stevie would throw a party with his own rules and his own guestlist, outside of prying eyes. his party wouldn't be a work party, and he thinks other idols probably think the same way he does. that's only human, isn't it? "they'd just get wasted in their own house, no? out of sight, out of mind." stevie's likes parties. he likes fun and excitement, but he's not sure if it's something he'd wanna do continuously and actively. that's a lot of energy spent, and while stevie could do it-- the life of an idol is draining. being a trainee is already tough enough, past debut and on? it's probably twice as tiring. "i think i'd be embarrassed if i posted a photo and all the comments were 'awww he's so bad at taking selfies'," stevie shudders to think about it. do people really judge that? that's crazy. "that's just my face, man!" stuff could change drastically post debut. stevie doesn't really know who gets to decide what stays and what goes-- they'll just have to see what the future has in store for them. "i think they wouldn't make you delete it entirely? maybe private it, just in case." stevie scratches his head. "or they might have you make a whole new one. i dunno. they're kinda weird about social media." stevie blinks, frowning, cocking his head to the side like a dog as he stares at noel. "you don't know vertex? shine? adore you? aju nice?" he rattles off a few songs, looking a little shocked. "they're under studio delta. c'mon man, you're lying." stevie laughs it off, shaking his head. he can't really believe it. "i do! i used to learn their dances in school. i'd drag my friends into it too." the memories start to make him cheese, a big grin grossing his face. "i'll have to give you a deep dive or something. anyway, you wanna go get their autograph? i feel obligated now."

“you might be right, i don’t think the paparazzi would be taking pictures of you inside your apartment or house?” he runs a hand through his hair “but it might still be hard to get the other gender to attend that kind of event? if the paparazzi knows where you live, they might be confused about seeing other idols entering the building your apartment is in?”. it sounded complicated, and kind of like hard work, as much as noel enjoys parties and drinking, would it be worth all the trouble?

a laugh escapes his lips, “ah i didn’t think about that one… i wouldn’t know how to feel if i posted my selfies and people were like you say ‘aww he’s so bad at taking selfies” he places his hands on his hips “it’s cute when it’s someone else, but might not be the kind of words i’d like to hear about myself…”. “i don’t take a lot of selfies… majority of the pictures of me are pictures other people have taken of me… do you think i need that selfie class?” a short chuckle escapes his lips. “i know i don’t post a lot on my instagram, but i’d still miss it if they made me delete it” he shrugs “do we follow each other on instagram by the way?”.

“oh they’re the ones that made aju nice? i remember that song, my uncle and aunt almost banned the song from our house because my sister played it so much…” he pouts “she knows the dance i’m pretty sure, and i almost know the dance from the chorus because she danced it in front of me so many times” he shrugs. “i should really research more about kpop… it’d be embarrassing to debut one day and barely know anything”. “sure, let’s go get their autographs, i’m sure my sister would be happy if i managed to get it for her”.

[princescribbler]

Quick Reminder For ABDLs:

You are allowed to like cuteness and cuddly things, even if you're a traditionally tough, serious, or masculine adult. Gender and sexual identity don't matter: it's OK to be an adult and an abdl and enjoy the cute and cuddly things.

There's no harm being done by you wearing diapers.. nobody is getting hurt, nobody's life is ruined, no public harm is occurring.... you're wearing absorbent underwear, and when you stop seeing it as a huge deal, you realize it... just isn't that shocking or bad!

Negative self talk is a major issue, and you can fight it by telling yourself (even just quietly in your own mind) about the things you ENJOY about this kink and dynamic! Tell yourself how cute you are in a diapee, not silly. Unless you like humiliation, in which you're a very very naughty adult baby who should be very blushy and embarrassed ;)

Public bathrooms are gross. I'm not saying that an adult using their diaper isn't, at the least, a bit unusual or maybe a strange strategy to deal with icky public bathrooms... but it's at least a nice edge case benefit from the kink!

Nobody is looking at you and waiting for diaper crinkles unless they're already aware of this kink, or you've shown them what you're up to. Seriously, I wore diapers to work for like 4+ years now, and the truth is nobody knows or cares! I don't carefully check to see what my coworkers are wearing as undies, and if they think I'm padded in diapers they'd just assume it's medical anyways, and never ask out of politeness!

Healthy cg/l relationship dynamics are complicated, but they aren't hard to put into practice. You might find the details hard to figure out, but finding a partner you can rely on and feel protected by really isn't particularly kinky... that's called a healthy relationship, whether it's kinky or not! So if you're with someone who makes this stuff impossibly hard or shameful or bad... that might not be an issue of your kink. It might be a fundamental issue in your relationship!

Stuffed animals are cozy and nice for everyone. You don't need to act weird to like stuffies, and you can even accept that if people see a house full of stuffies... they think Disney fanatic, not abdl. Or maybe they see it as cutesy, or an example of you being unique, but very very VERY few people see that kinda stuff and think "abdl". Cuz if they do.. they likely know enough about abdl to have experience, or have similar desires.

Nobody and nothing can make your needs invalid if you're acting safely, harming no one, and seeing to your needs. You need diapers? Great, go get them. Need pull ups to cope with a tough week at work? Not an issue, go for it. Need to carry a small pacifier in your Pocket to feel confident enough for a job interview? Go for it: you don't need to judge or dissect every one of your needs to be able to see them as valid and reasonable.

You're not nearly as kinky as you usually think... because fantasies aren't reality. Sure, I'm pretty kinky, but I've now been on here, on fetlife and bdsmlr enough to know... you just aren't that kinky. Unless you're cathed, caged, plugged, hypnotized, in a 24/7 total power exchange with your mommy/ daddy/ owner and their new owner who replaced you once you accepted your permanent role as house baby... I'm guessing you're fine. A lot of fantasies are just that: fantasies! So stop judging yourself as though every fantasy you imagine is one you think you need to do, ok? You're allowed to have extreme Fantasies or even scenes. Unless you're committing to more than that, though, you really don't need to be so convinced of just how extreme you are.

Disney really is that much fun. No you aren't crazy for still loving them.

Same with Pixar... except they might make you cry even more. And more often. Because damn you Pixar, you onion cutting ninjas!

When you feel bad and want to take a step back... you can! Truly it isn't an issue to step away or step back. As long as it's not like a binge/purge thing or completely panicking ... it really is OK to step away. Maybe you need a breather. Maybe you need a long break. Maybe it's just a day to recharge: that's ok! So stop judging yourself for every little change and decision!

No: having your mommy or daddy write a note to your boss ain't gonna work. Sorry, but it's been tried. "Mommy says I need to stay home and have extra cuddles" is still not recognized as a valid reason to miss work at most jobs. Sorry to break it to you!

Finally: kink and fetishes can sometimes feel isolating. That's a big part of why communities like this pop up on tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, bdsmlr, fetlife, and any other site you can imagine. Sometimes, you need to embrace these communities for your own good: it can feel so very, very nice to not feel isolated anymore. You really have no idea!! Give it a shot and you might be surprised!

I know it's not an exhaustive list, but that jumped to mind today and I felt compelled to type them out and share. If you think I'm missing key points, leave a comment or reblog and add your suggested addition!

And as always, stay happy, stay healthy, And stay kinky!!!

-Scribbler

[michinnyun]

Fashion Choices

Pairing: Steven Grant x f!Reader, Marc Spector x f!Reader

Summary: You've been giving Steven a hard time about his wardrobe lately. It's not that you don't like when he wears a collared shirt on top of another collared shirt, you just want him to try new things. Then him and Marc decide to tease you about it. Big mistake. Huge. // Chapter 1 is only with Steven. Chapter 2 will be for Marcy-Marc

Tags: Sharing Clothes × Lingerie × Teasing × Established Relationship × Pure Smut × Sub Steven Grant (Marvel) × If You Squint × Dom/sub Undertones × Masturbation × p in v × Enthusiastic Consent × Breeding Kink × No use of y/n × Woman on Top × for the majority of it lol × Multiple Orgasms × Unprotected Sex × Rough Sex

Words: 2.8k

Ao3 link

Steven has a lot of collared shirts. Like, a lot of them.

“You dress like a lesbian,” you tell him one day, laughing when you see that he's layered one of his button ups on top of another collared shirt.

He scoffs. “I can’t believe you just said that to me during Pride month.”

He manages to dodge the book thrown at his head, but he isn't able to dodge your questions after that.

“Why did I find another collared shirt in your bag?” you ask, showing him the reusable bag he'd brought to the shop earlier that day.

He pouts. “That’s for Marc.”

You can’t help but smile at him. He’s adorable. “Nice try. Marc almost exclusively wears crew necks.”

He doesn't meet your eyes. “Jake, then.”

“Jake dresses like a newsie in 1920’s New York.”

Steven groans. “Would you deny me my comforts, woman?” He pulls you into his lap, peppering kisses to your face that make you scream and laugh, trying to escape.

“I just want you all to try branching out!”

His eyes roll back into his head, Marc staring back at you now, intense as always. ��Why would we want to do that?” he asks, pressing searing hot kisses into your neck.

The sudden shift in persona and mood makes you dizzy. You don't know if you'll ever get used to them doing that.

You gasp softly, grabbing onto the crinkly-soft fabric of Steven-Marc's starchy shirt.

“Marc,” you murmur, letting him trail a hand down your side. You haven't seen him in a while, and he’s clearly happy to see you, based on the way he's insistently pressing himself into you.

“Baby,” he mumbles back, licking a line up your neck to your earlobe, a white hot spike of arousal shooting down to your clit. You arch against him, letting him lift you and press you into the table, his hand riding up your shirt and teasing a nipple. You can feel how wet he’s making you, the way only your boys can. He laces your fingers together and kisses the back of your hand, ducks down to kiss your neck again-

Then, he stills. “Anyway, lots of work to do today, love. Better hop to it!”

Steven pulls away from you and grabs his stuff, leaving you stunned and frustratingly horny as he heads towards the door.

“W-wh-” you stutter.

“Don’t question my fashion choices!” he shouts, letting the door shut behind him. You narrow your eyes, huffing.

Oh, he’s in for it now. __

Your boys aren't coming over until later. It’s been two days since the Steven-Marc situation, and you won’t even let them sext you. The moment anything remotely sexual starts up, you shut it down. They’re getting restless. Steven especially. He’s always been particularly needy.

The boutique owner had been terribly nice when you'd explained your situation (minus the “my boyfriends’s’s are a superhero/Avatar/legendary warrior with multiple personality disorder” detail). You’d picked out the prettiest piece together, a delicate lace thing with more modest coverings for your private areas. Something that would drive Steven perfectly crazy.

“If I’ve done my job right, this won't survive the night,” she promised.

You’re slightly fidgety. You've never worn something this complicated before. Nothing for the express purpose of getting fucked.

It doesn't matter, really. Your boys can't resist you. That’s what's going to make this so much fun.

One of Steven’s many button ups is covering your lingerie, which had taken twenty minutes of cursing for you to put on. It’s a soft, purple shirt, your personal favorite. He’d been wearing it the first time you met.

You’re reading a book, or trying. You’ve been skimming the same page over and over in nervous anticipation ever since you got the text he’s almost at your flat.

He knocks on the door, and you answer in nothing but his shirt, your hair done in the way you know he loves. He always makes a comment when you wear it like this, so you made sure it was perfect before he came over.

He kind of just stares at you for a minute, taking you in. Then, something happens, something you've only seen a few times before. They start fighting over the body.

“I don’t- she clearly. This is- Marc. Steven. You-Why d-I- Jake, if you don't- Why can’t I, guys-”

He’s saying this all softly, eyes closed in concentration. You don't want to touch him. You don't want him to have a panic attack, and then have your attempt at revenge/seduction turn into something traumatic.

Finally, he settles, and Steven looks at you with wide, wet eyes.

“Is this- for me?” He swallows hard, looking at the way the fabric drapes over your body, just a little too big for you. You nod sweetly, leading him to bed.

He lies back at your insistence, staring up at you in awe as you straddle him, smiling teasingly.

His hand starts to slide up your thigh, but you swat at it.

“No touching,” your murmur, starting to unbutton yourself for him. He nods, swallowing again.

As the beginnings of your surprise are revealed, you realize he might not be the only one who has a problem with this no touching rule.

They’re fighting over the body again.

“If you’d just- Steven, look at her, I can’t- Stop.” Steven says firmly. You quirk an eyebrow.

“Everything alright in there?”

He nods, looking slightly miffed. “Just- you look really, really good, love. Really good. Don’t feel like sharing right now.”

You blush, then wiggle a little. Steven hisses, clenching his hands into fists. Fuck, he's already hard.

He whines when you finish unbuttoning the shirt, letting the fabric pool at your elbows, letting him drink his fill of your new outfit.

He’s slack jawed, mindlessly moving his hips against you. “Fuck,” he whimpers, letting the word trail off into a growl that ends deep in his throat.

His hands are getting fidgety, so you take the opportunity while he’s distracted to grab onto his wrists and pin them next to his head.

“You’re right Steven,” you purr. “I do actually like your shirts. Maybe I’ll wear them more often.”

He throws his head back, groaning. “I knew that's what this was bloody about, you little minx.”

You laugh, grinding down again bodily and making him gasp.

“That’s what you get for being a fucking tease. You can touch when I’m done with your punishment.”

If Steven’s eyes weren't so dark, you're sure you'd be able to see how his pupils are blown wide with lust. He looks ravenous, depraved. You haven't even kissed him.

“Yes,” he murmurs, even as he struggles against your grip.

You let him go, and hum happily when his hands stay in place.

You unbutton his pants, licking your lips as you pull out his cock, hard and leaking for you. You smear a pearl of precome weeping from the tip, relishing the sounds he makes.

You lean down, letting the crotch of your lingerie grind over his hard length. “You’re so mean to me sometimes, Steven. Just wanted to be a little mean back. Give you a taste of your own medicine.”

He whimpers. “Not trying to be mean. Just-just-”

“Just?” you ask, slowing down until he gasps and his hands twitch.

“Just wanted to prove a point,” he finishes lamely, arching his back so he can press up into you. You tsk at him, but allow it.

“Wanna take this off, pretty boy?” you ask, running your hands over the lace covering your plush breasts.

He nods frantically, craning his neck up so he can see a little better, get a little closer. You push him down with one hand, increasing the friction on your clit while you press a chaste kiss to his mouth.

“Later. Good boys get to undress me,” you hum, grinding down and chasing the rush of him pressing against your most sensitive spot. His eyes flutter shut, finally surrendering to you.

“Steven,” you murmur, kissing the corner of his mouth, traveling down his neck and sucking marks into his skin.

He grunts a response, too far gone to really answer you. You leave your tongue over the salt-heat of him, listening to his rattling breaths and stuttering heartbeat.

“You’re doing so good,” you murmur against his neck. “My good boy.”

His hips jerk violently against you, and you stop moving completely. He freezes.

“I’m sorry,” he says frantically, but it's too late.

“Nope,” you say, popping the p. You spread your legs, hovering over him and moving your panties to the side so you can rub your clit.

Steven’s mouth hangs open, devastated yet unbelievably turned on.

“Now you get to watch me come,” you say, gathering some of the wetness leaking from his tip to soften the friction. “And you can't do anything about it.”

He whines, shutting his eyes closed and growling in frustration. You spread yourself wider, letting your legs rest on the tops of his thighs.

Steven loves making you come. With his mouth, his fingers, his cock. Masturbating in front of him is still hot, but it frustrates him more than anything that he’s not the one making you feel good. Little does he know, the sight of him all hot and bothered is usually what gets you there faster. Like right now.

You feel it starting to bubble up, a deliciously warm orgasm that you’ve been depriving yourself of for days since the shirt incident. It takes a little while, but you finally peak, your fingers bringing you to completion at the sight of Steven Grant, helpless and completely distraught underneath you.

You lean forward until you're burying your face in his neck again, your thigh muscles still contracting pleasantly.

Steven hesitates, his hands moving from where they're meant to be to gently hold your waist. You purr, nuzzling into him so he knows he has permission. You're much more agreeable now that you know he’s suffered sufficiently enough.

He kicks his pants off the rest of the way, still gentle, careful not to disturb you in your good mood. You move a little, unbuttoning his shirts until the smooth expanse of his chest is warm under your palm.

“We’re matching,” you murmur happily. He chuckles nervously, one hand moving to cup the lace covering your bottom.

“This for me?”

You nod. “Don’t question my fashion choices,” you say, nipping at his ear lobe.

“Of course not. Never,” he says, running a hand over your garter belt appreciatively.

He reaches behind to move your panties aside, dipping shaking fingers into the wetness you’ve made for him. “Fuck,” he whispers, practically throbbing against you.

“You can go ahead,” you tell him, yawning. “Want you to. Want you inside, Steven.”

“Fuck,” he says a little louder, grabbing his cock where it's trapped between your bodies and sliding it between your legs to bring it home.

He lets out a breath he's been holding in, and you bloom under his fingers, legs widening to accommodate his girth. You’ve had enough teasing, and it looks like Steven has too.

He fucks you at a brutal pace, whining and gasping into your hair while you press sloppy kisses into his jaw.

“So good,” you whisper, encouraging him. “So good. My Steven.”

“I- hah, love you. Fuck.” The easy glide of him inside you isn't enough to make you come again quite yet, but you give a valiant effort. You suck at the tender spot under his ear, the one you know drives him crazy, and his hips stutter.

“Pretty girl, wearing my clothes and putting on nice things. Don’t deserve you, do I? So good to me,” he murmurs into your ear, one arm holding you close while he uses his other hand to push down on your lower back, using you as his little cocksleeve.

“Steven,” you gasp, grinding down harder onto him until you feel blissfully over sensitive, the fabric of his shirts rubbing against your skin while he fucks you hard, the way he’s been waiting to for days.

He groans out your name before he bites down on your neck. You mewl, bearing down on him before you sit back so you can ride Steven properly. He hangs onto your thighs for dear life as you move in earnest, pulling off him fully before slamming back down onto the length of him.

He brings his hands up to cup at the intricate lace designs covering your breasts, snapping the strap of your bra before he thrusts into you so hard that you can feel him in your guts.

“Fuck, can’t get enough of this little pussy,” he says, watching himself disappear into your tight heat. He moves a hand down, pressing a thumb to your abused clit and making you black out a little.

“S-Steven,” you stutter, no longer able to conjure competent speech, not when he touches you like that.

“Yeah, you like it when I touch you? Should’ve let me earlier. Even if you were mad at me,” he rambles, rubbing tight circles that make pleasure travel up your spine.

“Wasn't mad,” you whine. “Just wanted r-revenge. And I-I-” You can’t think about anything other than Steven’s hands on you, bringing you to the precipice of another sorely needed orgasm.

“I know, love,” he coos. “You got what you wanted. Now let me get mine.”

Your head tips back a little before Steven pulls one of the cups of your bra down, sitting up and sucking a pert nipple into his mouth. Your chest is still criss-crossed by straps and covered in lace, and Steven is clearly frustrated by the extra covering which he had found so sexy earlier.

“Steven,” you say breathlessly. “Gonna come again, I-”

“It’s okay,” he mouths against your skin. “You can come. Come all over my cock, love. Wanna feel it.”

He flicks his tongue against your tight bud, and you’re overwhelmed by sensation. Just a little-

You reach your hand down to give your clit a little more attention, and finally your second orgasm of the night claims you.

You milk Steven, making him choke and moan against you as your head tilts back and you cry out into the empty apartment.

Then Steven does something that you didn’t expect. He rips your panties off of you.

“Steven,” you gasp, despite remembering what the boutique owner had said about your outfit not lasting the night. “Those were expensive.”

He flips you over, pulling out and rubbing his cock between your folds. “I'll buy you a new pair,” he says, melding his mouth to yours before he pushes in again.

If you thought he was giving it his all before, you were mistaken. Steven’s fucking you at a punishing, brutal pace, pulling at the straps of your lingerie until one by one they all snap off of you and you’re left bare in nothing but shredded lace and his button-up.

You whine, the result of two orgasms making Steven’s conquest an easy slide. Your eyes roll back into your head a little. He’s relentless, insatiable, biting the meat of your bottom lip and licking into your mouth, fucking you so well that you know you’re going to be thinking about it for weeks.

“Can’t get enough of you,” he stutters. “I’m never going to get enough of you. Fuck. Fuck. I-I’m gonna-”

“Come in me,” you beg. “Steven, Steven, come inside.”

He looks into your eyes. “You want me to come inside? Fill you up? B-breed you?”

You wrap your legs around his back and pull him closer into you, making the angle deeper. He groans, wet sloppy sounds accompanying his increasingly quickening thrusts.

“Come in me, Steven,” you kiss his cheek. “Come in me. Breed me. Please, please.”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-”

He pulses inside you, coming hard like you've been daydreaming he would for the past few days. You kiss the side of his head while he buries his face into your shoulder. “Perfect,” you whisper. “Perfect boy.”

He whimpers, still not relenting in filling you. You’re a little surprised. This is the longest an orgasm has ever lasted for Steven. You must’ve taken a lot out of him.

When he’s finally finished, he lets out a big sigh. You rub his back, nuzzling into him and wrapping your arms around his neck, trying to stretch out the moment as much as you can.

“Will you leave me alone about my wardrobe now?” he says into your neck, slightly muffled. You laugh.

“Sure. Only if you promise to wear a t-shirt once in a while.”

He groans. “Deal.”