#it's not even anxiety. it just sucks. it's loud. it smells (good but it's still overwhelming). there's people everywhere. no I really just

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm in a restaurant for the second time since 2020 (possibly 2019 actually) and it turns out I really just don't like restaurants.

[wh0reforoldmen]

Safe with us

paring: Bucky Barnes X fem!reader X Steve Rogers

warnings: Hints to SAD (Seasonal affective disorder), hints to mental illness, angst, hurt/comfort, panic attack? slightly beta read all mistakes are my own. 

word count: 1.2k

summary: Bad days suck, and so do bad weeks. Unfortunately, your boyfriends aren’t here to help you with it; until they are. 

Bad days fucking suck. 

Bad weeks suck more. 

It's been a week since your boyfriends, Steve and Bucky had been at work day and night. 

You get it, business is important, and their job is extremely important to them but god it's so demanding you don't know how to cope. 

It's getting warmer, but you still feel like shit. Down, miserable, lonely. Some days you feel overwhelming emotions of despair, frightened, and loneliness, and others you feel - nothing. Numb you could say. 

The numb days aren't that bad, you don't feel anything to put it, so you just get on with it. The days you feel overwhelming emotions are the days that you suffer the most. 

As soon as you woke up, you wanted to go back to sleep and sleep for the rest of the day, but no matter how hard you try, no matter how long you wait for that darkness to surround you, no matter how much you twist and turn to get comfortable without your boys in with you; you physically can not fall back asleep. So you get up. 

Not entirely. 

You stay in bed, awake and staring at the ceiling with your thoughts racing around your head as the sun slightly shines through the blackout curtains by the top. You didn't feel hungry from the anxiety you were experiencing and your energy levels were just down. 

You didn't even get up to go to the bathroom, you were just too exhausted to get up and do anything, you just laid there in silence as your overwhelming emotions just got worse and worse. 

"Malyshka?" 

A good few hours later, a knock came on your door. Your head turned as your body tensed, who could it be? 

Oh, it was Bucky. 

Your nerves calmed down a little as you heard the sweet nickname he's always called you. You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing. 

When he heard nothing, he opened the door and Steve was with him, behind him and looking at you. They saw the state of the room and the deep frowns on their face said everything. 

You felt your heart drop to your stomach, thinking they were disappointed in you. They were disappointed in you because you didn't look after yourself. 

You blinked the tears away but they kept coming and as soon as you knew it, your vision became blurry and you choked out a sob. The feeling of disappointing your boyfriends just broke your heart. You never wanted to disappoint them. Never. But you had, and you hated it. 

You looked away from the two, not wanting them to see you cry but they came to your side in an instant, Steve scooping you up in his arms and sitting on the bed, placing you in his lap. 

You wrapped your legs around his hips and buried your head in the crook of his neck, the smell of his mind and jasmine cologne did nothing to calm your nerves as you sobbed into his shoulder, gripping his shirt as hard as you could, afraid he'll leave. 

Your lungs felt like they were being crushed, your throat tight and your heart was racing, feeling like it was in your head with how loud you could hear it. 

"It's okay sunshine, everything's okay," he spoke softly in your ear, though it felt like he was underwater. His hand ran up and down your back soothingly as he spoke affirmations to you. 

"you're safe, sunshine. Nothing is going to hurt you,"

"We're here now, nothing to worry about, safe and sound,"

"Breathe with me sunshine, in… and out, that's it. In - and out, good girl," 

You can tell he's trying his best, he really is. He's still… unsure how to help you on these days but the fact that he's here and he's trying to help you is all that you need. 

When you calmed down, which was a long process, you lifted your head up slowly and looked at him, your eyes had become sore and your throat dry from your rapid breathing. 

"Here, malyshka," you heard Bucky from the side of you, holding a glass of water. 

You tried to take it with your shaky hand, but Steve gently took your hand away. Bucky placed the rim of the glass to your lips. 

He let you take small sips of the water, the cold water going down your throat felt amazing as you took more and more sips. 

They didn't say anything at first, letting you calm down but they did lay you back down and they didn't leave your side. 

Bucky curled up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist and hands placed on your soft tummy, his chin resting between your shoulder blades while Steve had your head on his chest, your ear listening to his heart going at a steady rhythm, his hand playing with your locks of hair, his fingers running through the strands or twirling them around his finger, they both keeping you grounded. 

"Why didn't you call us, sunshine?" Steve asked after at least ten minutes of silence. They both said multiple times that if you were having a tough day, call them and they'll be there. You're their priority. 

"Knew you were busy… didn't want to disturb you," you reply, your voice hoarse from the sobbing earlier. 

The pressure from Bucky's head on your back quickly went away, and his flesh hand came up and made you look at him "What did we tell you, malyshka? You. Come. First," he spoke, kissing your cheeks as he did "Fuck work, couldn't care for it, as long as we have you, you are out priority," 

His words alone could've made you burst into tears again, he meant every word and you knew it, the way his steel blues starred into yours, all the adoration and love is all you needed in those eyes. 

"Understand?" Bucky asked, keeping your face towards him and keeping eye contact with you. 

You were too scared to speak, worried that you'll start crying again so you nodded, not averting your eyes from his for a second. 

"Good," 

He rests his head back on your shoulder blades and his hand where it was before, letting your head go back to Steve's chest. 

The rest of the day, you three just stayed in bed, well you did. Your two boys brought you lunch and dinner since they did eventually find out you hadn't eaten, it was something small but it did you for a bit. 

They looked after you and treated you like a queen, they even did some online shopping for you, ordering things that you looked at and liked even though you tried to reason with them that you didn't need more clothes, but their reasoning was that their queen needed to feel like one, they even fed you, and overall making you feel better. 

You weren't 100% by the end of the day, but it was better than this morning. They made you smile, laugh, and the anxiety that you felt this morning had almost vanished. 

They really meant the world to you, and you meant the world to them.

[jaggedhorseteeth]

Better in the Morning // Ch. 6

MASTERLIST

word count: 2300+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Language, mentions of a strained parental relationship, anxiety

I’ll admit, I was shocked when Jake first told me he wanted me to meet his family. He proposed I tag along with them to Michigan for the holidays; he was beyond excited to show me his hometown, and to introduce me to his mom. I shouldn’t have been surprised- we’d been together for almost two years, and it wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned it. This was a perfectly normal thing for couples to do, so why was I so goddamn nervous? The way the guys talked about their family, it was safe to assume they had wonderful, caring, loving, and normal parents. I worried that I wouldn’t belong there. I played scenarios over in my head that someone would ask about my parents, and it would all be downhill from there; they’d think I wasn’t good enough for Jake, that I’d tarnish the bloodline. It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud. Looking back, I realize it was a stupid thing to worry about at all.

My knee was shaking, and Jake placed a hand on me to still it. I was never bothered by planes, but I let Jake believe I was just a nervous flier. It was easier than explaining why I was terrified to meet his parents.

He warned me that December in Michigan would be cold, but I wasn’t prepared for how cold. He chuckled at me, bundled up in all my layers, my teeth chattering as we waited for our ride outside the airport. “What, are you cold or something?” I shot a glare at him and the shit-eating grin on his face. “Doesn’t it get cold in West Virginia?”

“N-not like this. B-b-besides, I was born in T-Texas. I th-thrive in heat.”

He wrapped an arm around my waist and brought his lips to my ear. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to warm you up later, huh?”

The next shiver that ran through me probably wasn’t from the cold, and an involuntary gasp escaped my lips.

“Get a room!” Sam yelled overdramatically, in his exaggerated Midwest accent. Jake grinned and flipped him off just as the car pulled up.

The ride was easy, full of excited chatter from the boys, and it helped me to swallow my nerves for the time being. Danny was dropped off at his parents’ house first, with promises to come by the Kiszkas’ later. I didn’t tell anyone I saw him squeeze Sam’s thigh before departing. When we arrived at our destination, my heart started pounding again.

Jake grabbed my hand as everyone was unloading. “It’s going to be fine, babe. They’re going to love you.” I could only pray he was right.

I sucked in a deep breath as we entered the house, Josh leading the way. I was immediately aware how warm it was inside, a welcome shift from the freezing temperature outside. It smelled nice, like a mix of pine and peppermint. The initial excitement, everyone exchanging hugs and ‘I missed you’s had me backed into a corner. I felt like I was only going to be in the way. But when Karen, Jake’s mom, had greeted all her children, she turned her attention to me.

I’m sure it was obvious how nervous I was. She shooed the boys away to give us some space. “You must be Kya. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m so glad you could make it.” She extended her arms to pull me into a soft, welcoming hug. I hugged her back and returned the sentiment. “Let me look at you.” She pulled back to look me in the eyes, her hands on my shoulders. “I can see why you caught Jake’s eye, you’re so pretty.”

I felt the blush creep up my cheeks and did my best to mutter a thank you. I was introduced to their dad, Kelly, and received an equally sweet welcome from Ronnie, Jake’s younger sister.

Most of the evening was spent chatting, everyone getting caught up on what was going on in each other’s lives. Karen asked me questions about my job, how I liked living in Nashville, and some general small talk. No one ever raised any questions about my family, and I wondered if Jake had already said something to them. On one hand, I was grateful I wouldn’t have to force out any awkward explanations to people I barely knew, but I didn’t know how much Jake, or even Josh, would have told them.

They really were such nice people; I didn’t feel like I was being judged or looked down on. They made me feel welcome. We all sat at the dining room table and shared dinner, which was frankly quite delicious. I wasn’t surprised; Jake had to have gotten his culinary talent from somewhere. But as the night progressed, us all gathered in the living room sipping on wine, the nerves started to make a comeback. Jake stood in the corner by the record player, chatting with Kelly about some vinyl or another. Everyone was absorbed in their own conversations, and I was suddenly feeling entirely too hot. I grabbed my jacket and slipped out the back door, hoping no one would notice. Someone did.

I stood against the railing on the back porch, reveling in the quiet and focusing on getting my thoughts in order. It wasn’t that I wasn’t having a good time, and the Kiszkas had been nothing but nice to me. So why did I feel like crying? I pegged it on to the fact I was tired, or maybe I could blame it on some seasonal depression and told myself to get it together.

I jumped at the sound of the back door opening. I expected Jake and was caught off guard when I was met with Karen instead. “You alright, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Just needed some air.” I forced a smile to show her I was fine.

What I didn’t know was how observant a mother of four could be, and I certainly wasn’t expecting her to pick up on what I was feeling so easily. “I know it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with needing to take a breather every once in a while.”

Sighing and rubbing my eye, willing myself not to cry, I fiddled with one of the rings on my finger. “I’m sorry. You guys have been wonderful. I’m just not used to… all this.” I waved my hand around, gesturing to the house and hoped she wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

“Oh, it’s okay. Like I said, things can get a little chaotic in this house when the boys are home. I know… I hope you won’t be upset with him… Jake told me a little about your parents. I won’t pester you for details, but I want you to know you have a family here. And if you ever need to talk, woman to woman, you can always reach out.”

At the time, I couldn’t understand why she was opening up and inviting me into her family so easily. Part of me expected her to be like Josh, distrusting and overprotective. She didn’t know me all that well. And I had a hard time fighting off the thought that I didn’t deserve this.

She must have noticed my confusion, although the few stray tears that escaped might have been a dead giveaway for how I was feeling. She grabbed a soft hold of my hand. “Jake speaks so highly of you. Josh and Sam, too.” I was a bit dumbfounded to hear that even Josh had talked about me to his mom, and that it was all good things. “I can’t thank you enough for taking care of my baby, Kya. I think you’ve been so good for him, and I can tell he loves you so much.”

And with that, any ounce of self-control I had went out the fucking window. The tears were flowing freely now, and this amazing woman who had brought the love of my life into this world hugged me, just comforting me like any good mother would.

I eventually calmed myself down and pulled away from her, wiping my eyes. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking mess.” I flinched at the curse that slipped out, but she didn’t seem fazed. I’m sure she’d heard worse raising the boys.

She tsk’d at my apology. “Oh, stop it.” I heard the back door open again; this time it was Jake that stepped out, a worried expression on his face. I quickly wiped my eyes, hoping he didn’t see me crying on his mother’s shoulder.

“Everything okay out here?”

Karen smiled. “Yeah, we’re good. Girl talk.”

Jake placed a hand on my back and looked at me, searching my own expression. “Your lips are blue, babe.”

I giggled. I was so distracted I hadn’t noticed how cold I was. “That’s because we’re in the damn arctic, Jacob.”

With a smug grin on his face, he planted a kiss on the tip of my nose. “You just need thicker skin.”

Back inside (and back in the comfortable warmth) and feeling like a weight had been lifted off my chest, I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening. After everyone retired for the night, I was laying with Jake on the small bed in his childhood bedroom. It still looked like a teenage boy’s room; old posters lined the walls, including what I guessed was the first Greta Van Fleet poster they made. The room still held remnants of when they were young, whispers of memories of much simpler times. Jake held me close and told me stories of their youth until I started to doze off.

“Thank you for coming with me,” he whispered into the crown of my head.

“Thank you for letting me into your life.”

~

The rest of the holiday went off without a hitch. Early Christmas morning we gathered around the tree in the living room, everyone excited for the gift exchange. The fire was lit, giving the house a nice, cozy feeling. I sipped on some coffee and sat cozied up to Jake on the couch, happily watching everyone excitedly opening their gifts. I’d even made it out with a handful of presents myself, which I didn’t really expect but it was sweet, and I was so appreciative. By the end, the floor was littered with shreds of wrapping paper and bows, haphazardly tossed to the ground. I helped clean up while Jake helped Karen start prepping for the huge dinner they would serve later. I also spent some time talking with Ronnie, getting to know the other Kiszka sibling.

I’d gotten a few ‘Merry Christmas’ messages from friends, and one from Richie asking if I was having a good time. I sent a few scattered responses, not wanting to appear to have my nose buried in my phone for too long.

We’d stuffed ourselves way too full at dinner and I was ready to crash. I found myself on the couch, snuggled up with Jake. We had swiped a fleece throw blanket and under the cover of it, his fingers traced along the skin under my shirt absentmindedly. Another buzz from my phone had me holding it up in front of my face.

Unknown number – 8:34 PM

Merry Christmas. Hope you’re well, mija.

I let out a sigh, debating if I wanted to respond. I glanced up at Jake to find him staring at my phone inquisitively. “My dad,” I explained.

“You don’t have his number saved?” I could tell he was only curious; there wasn’t anything judgmental in his voice.

“He changes his number frequently. Probably using a burner phone or something.”

“Is… is that normal?”

He sounded so confused; I couldn’t help but laugh. “For that nutjob? Yeah.” I shot back a quick text, just wishing him a Merry Christmas, not wanting to reveal too much information. He was the last person who needed to know I was in Michigan with my boyfriend.

~

When it was time to pack up and leave, it was bittersweet. Karen loved having her kids home for the holidays, but the time always came for them to return to their lives in Nashville. Plenty of hugs were exchanged and promises made that we would let her know when everyone was home safe.

Karen ensured I had her number and gave me another reminder to call if I ever needed anything. “Even if you just need me to keep Jake in line once in a while,” she joked. He’d rolled his eyes at that, bidding one last goodbye to his family and leading me out the door.

Jake promptly fell asleep on the plane ride home, giving me some time to think. That was when I realized that my previous worries were, in fact, stupid. His family had welcomed me with open arms, even when they didn’t know me. His mom treated me like I was one of her own, never once shying away, despite my emotional meltdown. She provided the kind of motherly love that I didn’t get to experience as a child, and it made me feel safe. On top of it all, Jake’s willingness and eagerness to invite me into his own family so easily warmed my heart.

He looked so peaceful while he slept. I was a little jealous at the ease with which he could fall asleep on an airplane, neck craned at what I knew had to be an uncomfortable position. I studied him then- his jawline, his lips, the shape of his nose, how his eyes fluttered behind his eyelids as he dreamt. He was beautiful, and I was so proud of him and everything he was, and he was all mine.

[elacular-kink]

Poly-techhic 3: Maya Learns

Today we'll be going back in time to see how Maya learned about Susanna's fetish and started dating her. This does have hiccups, but not a whole lot, and it's more on the feelingsy, story-y type side. I've written one 3.5 that's all feelings, so hopefully I'll write another 3.5 that's all hiccups later. We'll see.

Character Sheet

TW: Inebriation, Gender?, Anger, Emotional meltdown, Self-loathing, Kink anxiety

Kinks: Hiccups (Relatively small amount), inebriation

"Blaaaaaa-aaagh!" I threw myself into the backseat of Olivia's car along with my half-asleep, hiccuping, drunk teammate. I was halfway drunk myself, which was one of the many reasons I wasn't driving us home from the away game, but I was sober enough to make sure Kaeligh's ass was belted in, at least. I was also sober enough to be in a bad mood. "Hey, Liv! Anyone ever tell you your girlfriend's a real pain in the dick?"

"She's not my girlfriend, but yeah."

I let Kaeligh lean on me and drool on my shoulder while I pouted. "I don't get you two."

"We don't get you either, Maya," Liv said, completely focused on the road even though she hadn't started driving yet.

"How come she's not riding home with us anyway?"

The ancient minivan grumbled as Liv shifted it out of park. I couldn't believe that anyone in our goddamn college actually knew how to drive stick, much less owned one of the fuckers. "Because she's riding back home with Charlie."

I rolled my eyes and made a jerk-off motion. "You know that's not what the fuck I meant, Liv. Seriously, I don't understand Susie at all. I get you. You make sense. And when you don't make sense, I can just have you explain shit."

"More people should be like that," she said, and even though I was too grumpy to say it out loud, I agreed with her. "Susanna doesn't make understanding her easy. She never has. What's specifically annoying you about her right now? Was it when she told the other team's three that if she smoked around me she'd break her bong over her head?"

I snorted. "Nah, that was hilarious. It's just...she's so fucking mysterious and weird and stupid about the most random shit! Like, I don't think she's fishing for compliments, not on purpose, so why the fuck does she keep saying she sucks at rugby?"

"Because she's the slowest and physically the weakest on the team."

"Yeah, but so?" I shook my head. "Does she seriously not get that when a normal person gets hit by someone a hundred pounds heavier than them, they immediately fall the fuck down? They don't give physics the finger and stay up long enough to chuck the fucking ball!"

After a moment of thought, Liv nodded. "Yeah. She seriously doesn't get that."

"Does she not have eyes? God...dammit, Kay, stop trying to kiss me, you smell like Four Loko. And not in a good way." Kaeligh muttered and hiccuped something, but at least she listened.

"No, her eyes work fine. But she only sees things that she's actually looking for. And she's never looking for things she does well."

"God that girl's fucked up." I crossed my arms and sulked.

"...you're still worried about something, aren't you Maya?"

I huffed and took off my glasses, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "I get why Susie says you're annoying now."

"Yeah, I get that too. But I'm right."

I glanced over at Kaeligh. She seemed to be snoring enough to at least be mostly unconscious. "...okay, did Kay offend her or something?"

"No, she'd have said so if she did."

"Then what the fuck is up? Because she's avoiding her, right? I can tell. That's why she's in Chuck's car instead of yours."

Liv heaved a sigh as she pulled onto the highway, sticking to the left lane and barely pushing her rustbucket up to the speed limit. "Yeah, she is. But I can't explain why. Everyone's life would be a lot simpler if I could, or if she'd just be in the car anyway, but she isn't here and she doesn't let me because she's stupid."

"Man, no kidding." After a long moment, I sighed. "How the fuck am I supposed to get through to her, Liv? I like her. I think she's interesting."

"Yeah. I like her too."

"So how'd you do it?"

Olivia was silent for a long while. "...I guess I didn't let her run. She can say what she doesn't want. She's really good at that. So assume that if she hasn't said anything she still wants you around. You've gotta push her. And it feels kind of weird saying that because I'd really hate it if someone did that to me."

I frowned. "Yeah, I'd hate that too. And I know some people gotta be pushed like that, but..." After a long moment, I decided I could be honest with her. "But I know I can go too far with it. I've done that before. Are you sure she'll tell me if I'm fucking up?"

"Positive," she said. "Sometimes she'll be uncomfortable and not explain that, and that's really annoying, but if she's upset at you, she'll say so. And it's not hard to tell the difference between her being fake upset and real upset." After a bit of silence, Liv sighed. "I think Susanna just can't accept the fact that good things can happen to her."

"How the fuck does a person get to be that way?"

"A lot of Catholic school, probably."

"God damn. Literally." I stared out the window and watched other cars zoom past us. What the fuck was up with that tiny lesbian? I really really really needed to know.

That Friday I got a chance to try and learn more. When I heard a knock on my dorm room's door, I opened it, halfway dressed and having been mid-post-class nap. "What."

"It's six." A skinny brown blur said in front of me. After a moment, I realized that I recognized Olivia's voice. I also saw a tiny mostly-black blur by her side and context-clued that it was Susie. "You said that was when the pregame would start."

...shit, they actually thought we'd start pregaming at fucking six? Damn. I swore that I wasn't this naive as a freshman. "Cool. Cool. C'mon in. I'll, uh...beers. Yeah."

"I'm not coming. Only Susanna is."

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?" I saw the tan blob near the top of the black blur twist towards the brown blur, and I snorted.

"I told you I wouldn't be coming to the party. And the list online said not to pregame if you won't go to the party." Oh my god, they looked up a fucking listicle to learn how parties worked? What fucking turnip truck did these two roll off of? And how had I ended up boning Liv a week after meeting her if they were this fucking...pure?

God, I had so many questions.

"So what, you're just gonna abandon me to—" The answer must have been "yes", because the black blur was pushed inside, and the brown blur shut the door behind her. "...cool. Uh, if you wanna go back to sleep, you can."

"Pff, bullshit. Like I'm letting your ass escape now."

"...great." I wrapped an arm around the blob that I was 98% sure was Susie and led her over to the chair next to my desk, shoving her into it and feeling around for my glasses. Eventually, she reached out and put them in my hand like a magical helpful spirit of darkness. Or something. I was still waking up. Once I put them on, I was able to confirm that it was, in fact, Susie, and she was, in fact, glaring at me. That wasn't weird though. "You wanna put on a shirt or something?" She said, and it occurred to me that I was wearing nothing up top but a bra.

"Nah, we're both girls here." I moved back towards my bed, then paused. "Unless we're not? I mean, it's chill either way."

Susie opened her mouth, let it hang open, then closed it and pursed her lips. "I'll, uh...I'll get back to you on that one."

"Fair 'nough." I scrounged under my bed and pulled out a box of beers, grabbing one and giving it to her before pulling out one of my own. "You ever drink?"

"Does wine that tastes like it's literally 2000-year-old blood count?"

Whaaaat the fuck? "...I'm gonna say no on that one, chief."

"Then no. Do these need a bottle opener or—"

"Nah, it's a twistie." Susie pulled one hand inside one of her massive hoodie sleeves, then twisted the cap and managed to get it open. After a long moment, she put her lips to the bottle and took a sip. "So? Whadaya think?"

"It, uh, definitely tastes." She burped softly. "Don't dislike it as much as I thought I would though."

"Think you might be more into girly fruity type drinks?"

"Might be easier at least. If Olivia was ever gonna drink, it'd have to be something like that. If she tasted this, she'd probably light the entire box on fire." Even so, Susie took another sip. "Oh, fuck, that reminds me. Olivia's, uh, pregame research said we shouldn't come empty-handed and that carbo-loading was important, so we ordered pizza. She tried to plan it so that it'd arrive here at the same time we did, but, uh...well, pizza places aren't exactly that fucking reliable."

"Dude, have you two ever been to, like, any parties?"

"No."

I blinked and stared at Susie. She stared right back at me. "...no, you know what, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, I definitely wouldn't say no to pizza. 'Specially with someone else paying. So, what's got you here tonight? I know you haven't come to any before, and it damn sure wasn't 'cause I haven't invited you."

Susie looked down at the brown bottle she was holding. It was wider than a lot of bottles, so she had to use both of her tiny hands to hold it comfortably, and goddamn if that wasn't cute as fuck. "Well, I knew this one was going to be at the Queer house. And, uh..." She reached into her hood and scratched the back of her head. "I mean, besides Olivia, I've never really been around other Queer people my age. So I don't really know what they...what we...do?"

Huh. That was...something. "Your high school was a normal one, right? You not have a GSA?"

"I mean, maybe we did, maybe we didn't. I don't actually know. For most of high school it was just...me and Olivia."

God, I had so many questions about these two. If their lives were as sad as Susie made them sound, why wasn't Liv more emo? If their lives were as normal as Liv made them sound, then why was Susie so emo? How the heck did these two go together? What did they have in common? Maybe it was a weird poly thing about me, but I was almost more attracted to their relationship than I was to either of them.

I was still pretty friggin' attracted to both of them, though, as Susie reminded me when she pulled off her hood. I had no idea why the fuck she kept it up so much because her face was fucking adorable.

Hm. Given how scary she liked to try and look, maybe that was why she kept it up all the time.

Susie's phone blinged with a text. "Ah, shit, pizza guy's outside. Okay, could you keep the door open for me? I'm not gonna be able to get it together while I hold a whole fucking pizza." I nodded and she went off. While she was gone, I took a look at her beer bottle.

...there was a tiny bit of lip gloss on it. Shit, she wore makeup for this? Maybe she really did wanna be here.

Over the next hour and a half, it was just the two of us, but I didn't really mind. If any of those other bitches wanted pizza, they should have been adorable and naive as fuck and arrived at the actual right time. So we got a whole-ass pepperoni pizza to ourselves (and by "we" I mainly mean me), and once she'd got a whole beer in her, she'd warmed up a little bit. She was still a snarky little fuck, but I actually got to see her smile and hear her laugh.

...and notice she had on eyeliner and mascara too. Okay, yeah, she was definitely here on purpose. Also, how the fuck did someone this butch learn how to put on eyeliner that well? Did Liv do it? She never wore makeup either.

That question would have to wait since the other girls started showing up. Susie got a little shyer, but she managed to keep her feet under her pretty well, and I could tell I wasn't the only one who liked her. Mandy even asked if she could put makeup on her, and Susie let her do it. The fact that that interaction didn't end up with the two of them kissing was the dumbest thing in the universe. My teammates were truly fucking gifted in useless lesbianism.

Once my other teammates were there, I wasn't just keeping an eye on Susie. She seemed like she was handling herself well enough, and I absolutely didn't plan on playing babysitter all night. So we kept pregaming, and eventually, we got to the Queer house, and the goddamn party actually got started. I spent that night drinking and dancing and making out with guys, girls, and anyone else who'd put their mouth on mine.

I wasn't sure quite how long it'd been or how many deep I was, but my night was interrupted when I caught a case of fucking drunk hiccups, of all things. "Oh shit! Liv's here!" My teammate Chloe said, grabbing me in a headlock and completely ruining my seduction of a cute person whose gender I was particularly unsure of. 

"Yeah yeah, shut your fu–*HUK* fuckin' trap," I shoved her away. Hearing Liv's name reminded me, though, and I looked around. "Hey, an–*EEP* anybody know where Susie's *UCK* at?"

"She's been hanging out on the stairs," Mandy sighed. "I tried to get her to be a bit more into it, but I couldn't even get her to take off her hoodie."

"Take off her ho–*OOP* hoodie? What kinda slut d–*HUK* do you take her for?" I gave Mandy a quick punch on the arm. "Well, if an–*EEK* anyone can get her into the pa–*HURP* party, it's me. Wish me luck, girls, *HMK*, this one's on hard mode." Once I'd had my luck wished, I made my way over to the stairwell and saw Susie, in fact, sitting right in the middle of the stairs. It was hard to tell from inside of her hood, but I thought she might have seen me first. Either way, I knew I'd caught her eye. "Hey! Hey Susi–*EEK* Pfft. Fuck, I sound so fu–*HUK* fucking stupid."

"Uh...hey, Maya." Her voice was a little uncertain, which I wasn't sure what to make of, but she had spent the whole night a little unmoored, so maybe not the most surprising thing in the world. "Aren't you supposed to be licking someone's tonsils right about now?"

"What, you offerin'?" Even from in her hood, I could see her face go redder, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't even wo–*HURK* worry about it, Susi–*EEP*. Susie Q. I got a–*UCK* all the time in the world *HUP* to give out pro-bono de–*HNK* dental exams."

"Wow. And I thought the way I phrased that was gross."

I sat down on the stair right above Susie, trapping her between my legs. She twisted to try and see me so fast that her hood didn't move with her head, which was kind of hilarious. Laughing didn't help with my hiccups, but if anyone wouldn't mind, I figured it was probably Liv's best friend. Either way, I rested my head on top of hers and flopped my arms over her shoulders. I didn't actually put much weight on her. Given how goddamn tiny she was, I didn't know how much she could handle. But there was something weirdly comfortable about how her hoodie felt under my chin. I could see why Liv did this so much, even though they had enough of a height difference that she had to lean over to do it if they were both standing. "But an–*EEP* way, you enjoying the pa–*UHP* party, hot stuff?"

Susie's head moved under her hood, and after a second, I was able to figure out that she was looking out at the dance floor. "I've heard more songs that I like than I expected to."

"Re–*HEEP*–eally?" I wished I could see through her hood and get a look at her face. "Aren't you one of those pri–*HIC*–ks that only listens to screamo 'cause ev–*HUP* everything else is too mainstre–*EEP*–eam?"

She shook underneath me, and it took me a second to realize she was chuckling. "Nah. I just play one of those on TV. I mean, don't get me wrong, everything else is too mainstream, but I'm not such a sad-sack that I'll pretend I don't like Queen. I'm also not too good for all the gay anthems made by straight women."

"Heeyyy, you're dru–*UCK* drunk enough to admit you're not a pre–*HIP* pretentious dickface!" As I said that, I realized that I was a complete idiot, and I moved out in front of Susie and grabbed her hands. Of course this was the way to get her into the party. "Hey, *HUK* if you like the mus–*IC* then why don't you come and da–*UCK* dance with me?"

It was easy to pull her to her feet (and I was still taller than her from a stair below. Goddamn, she was short), but her face was red and her eyes had gone wide. "Uh! Not, uh...not sure that's the, uh...best idea."

"Why the fu–*HUCK* not?"

"Uh..." She looked away and didn't come up with anything.

Fuck. I was too drunk for this. Liv said she was able to say if something was wrong, right? "Okay, look. *HMK*. I'm gonna bring you ou–*HUP* out on the floor, kay? *HMK* If you wanna stop, just say. Sound good?"

After a few long moments, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then opened them and nodded. She looked...weirdly innocent staring up at me like that. Especially with how flushed her face was. "Okay, yeah. Yeah, I can...yeah. That works. That sounds good."

"Awesome!" Victory! I grabbed her and dragged her down the stairs and out onto the floor between other sweaty bodies, maneuvering us close to as many cute girls as I could. Susie danced like an alien who'd only ever had gravity explained to them once, but at least people would barely feel it if she stepped on their toes. Eventually, I had to take a little more control. I grabbed her from behind and pulled her back against me, bending my knees into hers and putting her butt right up on my crotch. "Hey, Fred Ast–*UCK*–staire. Anyone ever tell y–*HOOP* that you dance like you're alr–*UP* already doing it backward in h–*EEK* heels?"

"Uh..." Her voice was weird and shaky again, even more than last time. Her body was still moving to the beat of the music, though, and I couldn't deny that that felt nice. "Literally nobody, but that's not exactly surp-prising." She stuttered, and I realized that my hiccups were seriously shaking her up. I'd never noticed just how much they moved my gut and my boobs.

"You know, not ev–*URK* every gay guy or queer folk's *HMK* gotta go to the clubs. *HUP*. It's not a requirement. *HMK-mmp*" I felt her nod underneath me. The idea that she was not that kind of gay wasn't exactly surprising. 

...but her coming here with makeup on meant that she wanted to try it. And I didn't want her first time to just suck and completely put her off getting drunk and having fun.

So I leaned in closer, pulling her tighter back against me while my head was on her shoulder so I could whisper in her ear. "But if you wann–*UCK* wanna be that kind of gay, I could he–*ULP* help you learn how to d–*HOOK* do it." I ran a finger up from the fly of her jeans to the base of her belly under her hoodie and she breathed in sharply. "I've heard I'm a pre–*HIP* pretty good teacher. *HMK*. And sure, I'm a lil' dru–*HUK* drunk right now. But I fi–*HIG*–guuuure that if an–*HEEK* anyone wouldn't mind me havin' the hic–*HULP*–s it'd be you."

"Fuck!" Susie suddenly wrenched her way out of my arms and whipped around to face me. Her face was so fucking red. Even though her hood was still on, it couldn't hide it at all. Her pupils looked huge, and her eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them before she slammed them shut. "S-sorry!" And before I even knew what was happening, she'd bolted off of the dance floor.

My brain took way too long to catch up with reality. "Shit, Sus–*EEK*! Susie!" And I ran off in the same direction she did.

After searching for ten minutes and finding absolutely fucking nothing, I was getting really scared, especially since she wasn't responding to my texts. Fuck, this was not how I wanted to spend my night. But my two brain cells were able to hook up long enough for me to realize that Susie wasn't the only person I could text.

Maya: Liv Liv I fucked up Susie ran off and I dunno where the fuck she is Wait Please fucking tell me she's with you

Liv: No, she's not with me. She'll definitely tell me where she is though. Give me a minute. While I'm texting her, you can tell me what happened.

Maya: Okay fuck Thanks dude Gotta be real tho I dunno quite what happened I mean I got a guess But I was tryina dance with her and teach her how to do the thing and all a sudden she just fuckin hoofs it

Liv: This'll seem like a weird question. Did you have the hiccups?

Maya: uh Yeah How the fuck did u know that?

Liv: You didn't do anything wrong, then. But I'm not allowed to get more specific. So instead of doing that, I'll tell you that Susanna's hiding in the unisex bathroom in Liberty Hall's entry area.

Maya: wut What the actual fuck is she doing there?

Liv: Hiding.

Okay, this shit was officially driving me fucking crazy. Liv was still texting me, but I shoved my phone back into my pocket anyway and started running for the hall. I was sick and fucking tired of being confused about these two, and especially about Susie.

Once I got to Liberty Hall, the fact that my hiccups echoed through the whole empty building was funny enough to cool me down a little bit, but I was still pissed. So I stomped over to the bathroom and banged on the door. "Hey. Sus–*EEK*. Wanna tell me–*HEEP* what the fu–*HUCK* you're doing in there?"

After long enough that I started wondering if she'd already left, I finally heard her voice. "Not particularly, no."

Fuck, that was an annoying answer. "We–*UCK* well too fuckin' bad, pal! *HULP* 'Cause my ass ain't *HUK* leavin' until I g–*HUP* get some answers."

After a few long moments, I heard a weird sound from inside. "Yeah, that—" her voice stopped in a very weird way and sounded tenser than I'd ever heard it. "That makes sense."

I wasn't not angry, but I was getting more and more worried. "What the fuck, dude? *HMLK* Are you o–*KUP* okay? Why are you hiding in a g---goddamn bathroom?" I sucked at telling time at the best of times, and right now I had no idea how long I'd waited for her to respond except that it was too fucking long. "Look, do I ne–*HEEK* need to get Liv he–*URK* here or what?"

"No." I heard her sigh, though it was cut oddly short. "She's not—" Her voice kept hitching. "She's not gonna help."

"Since fucking when? A–*URK* Aren't you two li–*HUK* like, married or somethi–*IC*–ing?"

"I'm not saying that she couldn't or she wouldn't want to. She's just not gonna. She says this is something I need to do myself." Something like a laugh came through the door. "And she's probably right. She's definitely right. But...fuck, not everyone's like her. Nobody's like her. And she just doesn't get that."

"...*HULP* Okay, whatever the fu–*HUK* this is, I'm way too dru---drunk for it. Give me a minute to *HNK* get some fuckin' water."

"That's probably a good idea, yeah. There's a fountain right nearby."

I did go over to the fountain and drink a bunch of water, I wasn't lying when I said that. But I also pulled out the phone to see what the fuck Liv had texted me.

Maya: wut What the actual fuck is she doing there?

Liv: Hiding. It's infuriating when she gets like this. You're probably going to want to be gentle with her anyway, though. This is one of those times where she's actually sensitive instead of having her walls up constantly. So being rough with her probably won't get things to happen any sooner.

Maya: ...shit. Olivia what the fuck am I doing?

Liv: I don't know. I'm being literal there. I don't know what you're doing. And I can't know that. I know you mean that more existentially, but I don't know that either.

Maya: Fuck why couldnt someone else do this? Why couldnt literally anyone else fucking do this? Im too fucking drunk for this! Im too fucking stupid for this! Im too much of a pissed fucking dickhead who hurts people for this!

Liv: No you're not. You're honestly perfect for this.

Maya: what

Liv: I'm serious.

Maya: I fuckin know that liv your always fucking serious

Liv: *you're

Maya: Fuck you I just What? How in the fuck am I perfect for this? I'm a dumb drunk slut!

Liv: The middle part isn't ideal. But everything else about you is perfect for Susanna to finally tell somebody else her secret.

Maya: her secret? That weird context that you always say you cant talk about?

Liv: Yeah.

Maya: you think im perfect for that?

Liv: About as much as anyone can be.

Maya: Wait hang on Are you tellin me that literally nobody else knows about whatever the fuck you're talking about?

Liv: If they do, it's not because she told them. Honestly, when she finally does tell you (which she'd better do tonight) it'll be really nice to have someone else to talk to about it. At this point, she's texting me to just tell you it, but I'm not going to. She has to do this herself.

Maya: Why?

Liv: A lot of reasons. But the main one right now is because if she doesn't, she won't be able to see how you react right away. Her brain will fill up the space that creates with some sort of illogical bullshit about why I somehow tricked you into acting like exactly the person you are about it.

Maya: Shit you thought a lot about this.

Liv: Of course I have. I love her.

Maya: No fuckin kidding dude. Okay Wish me fuckin luck with whatever this shit is I guess

Liv: Just be yourself. That's exactly who she needs right now.

There were almost zero situations where I was sure I would be exactly who someone needed, and there were a negative number of situations where I'd actually want that to be true, but...well, shit, I was already in it, wasn't I? Like a very wise listicle said, don't pregame if you're not down to party. Don't...flirt with the repressed girl if you're not ready to...do emotion management through a door? I'd workshop it.

Either way, I walked back to the bathroom and knocked on the door again. "Hey. I'm back."

"Yeah. You are." There was a long, dumb stretch where neither of us said anything. Eventually she was the one to talk. "You didn't do anything wrong, Maya."

"Liv said that too, but if I didn't do anything wrong, then what the fuck are we doing here instead of back at Queer House?"

I heard Susie sigh through the door again. "We're here because I'm weird and fucked up."

"Bruh, we're on a women's rugby team. We're all weird and fucked up."

Something thudded against the door. It didn't sound hard enough to be someone punching it or something, but I wasn't sure what other option there was. "I'm weird and fucked up in specific ways. Ways that'll..." There were three smaller thuds and I realized that she was banging her head against the door. "...ways that'll make you think I'm creepy. And that I'm a terrible person. And that I absolutely shouldn't spend time around Olivia."

That sentence hit my brain like it'd just walked in front of a truck. "Wait, what? What the fuck? No! I mean, no, what?" I shook my head. "Okay, those first two are fucking stupid, we can get to that later, but who the fuck would think that you and Liv shouldn't be together? Like, even if I was someone who got to make that kind of decision for either of you, no? Liv loves you, dude! Literally! I was literally just texting her and she said 'I love her'! And 'her' is definitely you!"

"I know." She laughed again. Her laugh was always quiet, but right now I could only just barely hear it. "I know she loves me. That's the only way that the past five years of my life make any fucking sense. And...and I love her too. But if people knew the truth about me, they'd say that I was a gross freak taking advantage of an autistic girl."

"'Taking advantage of'—fucking what?" I shook my head again, then stopped when that made it hurt like a bitch. "Nobody who's ever fucking met you would think that. Like...fuckin' spend two seconds around you two and it's pretty goddamn clear who's wearing the pants in this relationship. Spoilers: it's the one that sometimes wears skirts."

She laughed a little louder. "I mean, yeah, I know that. I know that that's not actually what it is. Olivia's made that, uh...pretty fucking clear. And she'd be happy to do it again if she needed to. I don't know why, but...she is. She's amazing." There was another goddamn sigh. "I don't know if anyone as amazing as her exists. That's what makes this so scary."

Well, shit. What was I supposed to do now, say that I actually was as amazing as Liv? She wouldn't fucking fall for that. Nobody would. So what else could I do? How the fuck did you deal with someone this pessimistic? Was I supposed to fucking get on her level or something?

...actually, yeah, I could do that. That could work. "Okay, lemme put it to you like this: What's the worst thing I could possibly do if you told me whatever the fuck this is?"

"Report me to campus police for sexual harassment and get me expelled."

"Sexual harass—what? Dude, I was the one who was grinding on your ass, not the other way around! You think I'm drunk enough to get confused about that? No, fuck that and fuck you. And also fuck cops. Now what's the second worst thing I could do?"

It took her a minute to get back to me. "I, uh...okay. Um, second worst thing you could do would be...to tell my parents?"

"I don't know your parents. Third worst thing."

"That doesn't mean that you couldn't—"

"Third. Worst. Thing."

I could hear something moving on the other side of the door, but I didn't have a fucking clue what she was doing. "Okay, uh...third worst. I guess...you could tell everyone my secret so they all know what a freak I am?"

"Jesus fucking Christ," I rolled my eyes. "Okay, how long's the last dick I sucked?"

"...I beg your fucking pardon?"

The way she said that made me laugh, which was kind of annoying since I was trying to be serious here. "Right, you don't know. And who's into me using a strap-on on them? Lemme guess; you don't know that either. Do more people call me 'mommy' or 'daddy'? Imagine the jeopardy theme playing out here. Ding-ding-ding, time's up, you don't fucking know. You don't know any of that shit, do you?"

"...no. I guess I don't."

"Yeah. You fucking don't. You don't even know the names of a lot of people I sleep with. Because I don't fucking talk about 'em unless I know they're cool with that." I huffed. "I may be a dumb slut, but I'm not a fucking narc."

"You're not a dumb slu—..."

Susie's voice stopped in a completely different way from how it did earlier. And god dammit, she made me laugh again. "It's okay, dude, I wouldn't be able to finish that sentence either."

"...you're not dumb."

"Thaaat's more like it." She was still wrong, but eh, I'd take it.

"Yeah." She took a while to say anything else. "I, uh...I knew those weren't super realistic, but...you know. It's still nice to have them gone. And...with that out of the way, the main thing I can think of is just that you'd hate me and everything would be awkward."

"Dude, if I make things awkward, it'll be on purpose." I heard her snort, and it made me smile. "And if I'm gonna hate you, I'll do it for something more interesting than whatever the fuck this is."

"...Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like you. Maya, could you, uh..." Susie's voice trailed off, then I heard something rock against the door. After some noises from the other side, I heard the deadbolt, and then the door opened and Susie was there.

Susie was there with her hoodie off. Susie was there with her mascara in lines all down her face. Susie was there in a tank top with a rainbow flag that said "The gays can do whatever they want". Even though I knew I shouldn't, I snorted. "Why the fuck were you wearing your hoodie over that? That's great."

She smiled. It was small, but it felt pretty real. "I like it too. And that's...yeah, that's a good question. Uh..." she pulled back and held the door open. "Would you, uh...come in here with me?" I shrugged and walked through, then leaned back against the tile wall. Susie closed the door, looked at the lock, then shook her head and left it alone. I could see her hoodie crumpled up on the floor between the door and the wall. She walked over and stood in front of me, and I couldn't believe how small she looked. "It, uh...it might take me a minute to...to work up the courage. To say it."

Fuck, I hated waiting. I made myself smile anyway. "Just as long as you say it, dude."

Susie nodded, then took a slow, deep breath. Her face very quickly started going red. "So, uh...so." She swallowed. "The reason I ran away from you at the party was because I was...really fucking turned on."

"...bruh, that was the point."

"I mean—" Susie smacked her forehead, and I snorted again. "Okay, fuck. I mean, yeah, fair. But it wasn't really...I mean it was and it wasn't, but it..."

"Dude, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about right now."

"Right, of course you don't." She covered her face with both hands. "Fuck, I'm just gonna have to say it out loud, aren't I?"

"Probably. I'm still kinda drunk. And not super in the mood for riddles."

"Okay." Susie pulled her hands down and clenched her fists. She glared down at my feet like they owed her money. "Okay. Okay." She took one more deep, annoying breath. "So I was turned on already. Before you started dancing with me. I was really turned on. But it wasn't by anything you were doing on purpose."

"If you tell me you were charming some other chick and let me pull you away from that, I'm fuckin' killing you."

"No, no," she did that weird one-off laugh thing she did sometimes. "Nah. Nothing like that. You were the one who was turning me on. But not on purpose."

"...okaaaaaaaay?"

"Fffuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Okay." She shut her eyes. With how hard she'd been glaring, I was surprised that she didn't somehow laser vision through her own eyelids. "Okay. I was...I was turned on because...b-because..." Her teeth were clenched together hard enough that I was kinda worried that she'd break them. "B-because you had the hiccups!"

She said that loud enough that it echoed in the bathroom, then immediately pulled her fists up to cover her eyes. But I was just confused. "You were turned on...because I had the hiccups." She nodded. "Okay. So, uh...what's the secret?"

Susie pulled her fists away and stared at me. "...what?"

"You were turned on by my hiccups and then...what. What's the deep dark secret?"

"Tha—" She turned around and looked behind her like there was some other Susie for me to be talking to. "That...that is the secret!"

I could feel my jaw going slack. "That's the secret?"

"Yes!" She covered her eyes again. "And I know that it's fucking weird and gross and I shouldn't—"

"Bro, you thought I'd be offended that you were turned on by me?"

Susie stopped talking and her fists slowly fell off of her eyes. She still stared at the floor, but the look on her face was turning less terrified and more confused. "Well, it sounds really stupid when you put it like that."

"That's 'cause it is really stupid, dude. Susie, what the fuck? Is this your big fucking secret?"

"I mean, not completely. Because it's...it's not just your hiccups, it's everyone's." She was glaring at a wall now. "I...I have a hiccup fetish. That's the secret."

"...well what the fuck am I supposed to do with that, Susie? I thought I was gonna have to help bury a body somewhere, but instead you're just flipping out over some weird cute sex thing?" I slapped myself internally for calling it weird.

Susie's head whipped up and she finally looked me in the eyes. "...'cute'?"

"Okay, not the word I thought you were gonna have a problem with there, but yeah. Cute."

"Not...creepy?"

"No? Why the fuck would it be creepy?" I seriously meant that question. Why would it be creepy?

She grabbed her upper arm with the other hand, gripping it way too tight. "You don't...you don't think that I'm just using Olivia?"

"'Just usi—' the fuck? Susie, what in the actual fuck is wrong with you? You think that I think you're 'just using' someone who you threatened to beat a stranger with a bong for?" Every time I got her to laugh, I felt just a little bit better about...everything really. "Jesus, Sue, you flipped out this hard over this? Why?"

"Because it's...weird." She had her arms crossed and had gone back to staring down walls. "It's weird. And it's something people don't have control over. So I'm getting turned on by something people can't help doing."

"...so?"

Susie stared up at me. "So that's...bad?"

I stared right back at her. "Uh...no? No, that's not bad. That's...okay, one, do you think that I chose to have boobs this fucking bodacious?" The shocked laugh that got made me grin. "Do you think I chose to be a total fucking sex bomb with a body that can go all night? I mean, I've put some effort into parts of that, but these titties just happened. And all kinds of people get turned on by that. But, uh, two, it's weird that you get turned on by a thing that a human body does? No! You think that fuckin' neolithic cavemen were going around imagining shit like latex and high heels while they jacked it? No! But liking those is normal as shit! So you're not fucking weird, the world's the weird ones. You're just old-fashioned or something."

Susie was squinting at me. "That is...the weirdest fucking argument I've ever heard." Honestly, it was probably the weirdest fucking argument I'd ever made.

I decided not to say that out loud. "Weirder than being into hiccups, maybe?" The minute I said the word, her whole face burned and I couldn't help arching my eyebrows. "Whoa. Shit, you weren't kidding, huh? You're seriously into that."

"Y-yeah. Yeah. With Olivia I've gotten enough exposure that I can kinda deal, but it..." She huffed. "It's a lot."

"Alright. So," I sat down on the tile floor. "What do you like about 'em?"

"...wuh?"

"Oh come the fuck on, Susie," I slapped the floor in front of me between her feet. "You can't seriously fucking think you can say a thing like 'I'm super into hiccups' and then not tell me how that works, right?"

"You...wanna know?" She looked seriously, actually confused as she sat down in front of me.

"Uh, yeah, duh." I looked at her, then decided I could push a bit and smiled. "How else am I gonna know how I should flirt with you?" Her back went dead straight and she stared at me, her whole face looking like it was about to light on fire. I just barely kept myself from laughing, but how long she went without blinking kind of worried me. "You, uh...you good dude?"

"You wanna...flirt with me too? L-like...turning me on?"

"...thought that'd be pretty obvious by now, but yeah."

"Why?"

"What a stupid fucking—" I cut myself off. Susie may have needed "me" right now (and I was finally starting to get why Liv had said that), but she needed the nicest me I was able to give her. So I smiled at her again, and I reached out and touched her cute, blushy face. "It's 'cause I like you, dumbass. I like you. I think you're interesting. I wanna know more about you."

I actually gasped when I felt her hand touch the back of mine while I cupped her cheek. I'd been too lost staring at her to notice her moving.

...shit, this was more serious than I thought it was.

It got even more serious when she put her hand completely over mine, holding it against her cheek and leaning into my palm. Her eyes closed for a second before she opened them again and stared at me. "You really do?"

"Yeah. I really do." That was...scarier to admit than it should have been. And my heart was going faster than it should. "I know I like Liv. And I know she loves you. I wanna see the person she loves." Shit, what was I saying? I swallowed, and my mouth just kept going. "I've already seen the person you love. I already know Liv. But I wanna see the other side too. Of course I wanna know you."

...fuck. Fuck, I had feelings.

Fuck, I had feelings for this couple.

I really fucking wanted to watch them be...them.

Shit, this could be a problem.

"I..." Susie managed to surprise me again. She was staring up at me, and fuck, her eyes were way too fucking pretty and brown. "I think I wanna know you too, Maya. And...and I think I even...would like it if you knew me."

I could feel myself laughing. I could also feel myself leaning closer to her. "That works pretty well for me, Sue."

"I don't really know what I'm doing."

"That's fine." I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing either.

"I've never...I've never actually dated anyone."

"I'll teach you." It'd been a while since I'd "dated" anyone too. But fuck, I wanted to. And we just kept getting closer and closer.

"I..." I could feel her breath on my face as she tilted her head in my hand. "I'm scared, Maya."

"I know." I was scared too. But... "But Liv told me you could be brave."

Our bodies were close enough that I felt hers shake as she laughed. I felt the air of each chuckle puff against me. "Yeah. Yeah, she tells me that too. And..." She took one more breath, "and maybe she's right."

She kissed my lips.

That fucking bastard. She kissed my fucking lips.

She had no idea what she was doing.

I was gonna teach her. I was gonna teach her everything.

Fuck, how did this happen? How did I get in this deep this quick? How had I ended up catching feelings again?

Was I gonna be okay?

Susie kissed me again, and for the rest of the night, it didn't really seem like it mattered that much.

[samanddeansannoyingsis]

Castiel Acts of Service

Hellos, its been a hot minute so heres a short-ish oneshot of how Castiel would help Winchester sister deal with an anxiety attack after dropping a mug. Please be kind. Suggestions and some friendly criticism are welcome.

Pairing: Castiel x Winchester!reader (no use of y/n)

Word count: 1345 words

If you like this fanfic please remember to heart it and reblog. Leave me some fun suggestions on my page to get me to write more.

Thank you thank you, onto the story.....

It's so stupid. I dropped a mug on the floor in the bunker and I couldn't stop the tears and crying.

I knocked the mug while I was trying to reach the sink to start dishwater and my heart sank as I reached for it. I felt my fingers just barely graze the cup before it fell on the floor and shattered into a bunch of pieces. Immediately I cringed at the noise and my eyes welted up in tears and I deflate.

"God I cant do anything right..." I say shakily as my sobs overtake me. I go to lean over the counter but flinch when I go to touch it remembering that that was how I broke the mug in the first place. I wilt and sit on the floor not caring that the porcelain is digging into my legs through my leggings and I shake violently as I cry. I just broke down on the floor hyperventilating and crying about the broken mug.

My heart is racing as adrenaline pours into my veins to keep my hands from staying still as I try to pick up the bigger pieces. I cant help but shake as some crazed part of my brain cries out to hide my mistakes before someone sees it. My mind runs on and on about how worthless I am and how much I suck at being a functional person. For crying out loud I cant even do dishes without fucking up something. But its not my voice telling these things to me... Its Johns voice.

As the forever forgotten middle child of the Winchesters, also the only girl, I was forced to stay inside and do research instead of going out and hunting with my brother Dean and John. Secretly I despise them for it. But I could never tell them that. Instead, I stayed and took care of Sam, helped him though school and supported him when he left for college. And stayed in the shadows. Always in the shadows. Never any real help, just another burden... Or that's what John tells me. He lost the title of father or dad when he yelled at me that I should have succeeded when he found my cutting marks when I was 13.

I hear his voice as I sit shaking and sobbing quietly on the floor in the kitchen in the bunker all alone and surrounded by broken porcelain. I drop the few pieces I picked up as I cut myself on a rather sharp edge and start crying so hard I can no longer see well.

I put the pieces next to me and curl up and cry in a ball. I let myself sob quietly for a good few minutes until I hear footsteps approaching the kitchen. I take a deep breath and my eyes go wide as my anxiety ridden mind tries to scream at me to get up and hide. I sit paralyzed on the floor with wide puffy and red eyes locked on the doorway.

Instead of one of my brothers or the deceased John, in walks Castiel, the favorite angel. He is none the wiser and I didn't even think he noticed me until he started walking on the broken mug pieces.

"Are you ok? Theres a lot of glass on the floor. Did you mean to do that?" He says in his little gruff voice. I sniffle a few times and start crying again as he stops talking. I use my now bloody hands to cover my face as I sob into my knees.

Cass looks confused at my mess on the floor.

"I take it that's a no then?" He says a little softer as he looks at the glass and then at my hands. He sighs and walks to the sink to grab a washcloth.

I shake my head softly and sniffle as I try to stop crying but just proceed to wipe blood on my face. I smell the metallic liquid and frown. My heart is practically beating out of my chest as John continues to torment me from my head.

Cass brings the washcloth to me and kneels Infront of me to be face to face with me. He has a small frown as he gently grabs my bleeding hand and presses the cloth to it to try and clean it up before he heals it. I stair at the floor blankly and my eyes fall on the broken base of the mug. My eyes are bloodshot and I feel tingly as Cas uses his angelic powers to heal my hand. It fills my body with an odd warmth and I shiver softly.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He prods gently. I shake my head and let him continue to hold my hand.

"Do you want help cleaning this up?" Cas says softly. I can tell he's trying to help me but I dont really hear him as I sit in my little cocoon of self depreciation. He puts my hand back on my knee and stands up and picks me up off the ground and puts me on the countertop.

I sigh softly as he moves me but I dont protest. He lets me sit there as I zone out again and start crying once more. Cas grabs a broom and dustpan and cleans up the broken mug quietly. I shake softly as I cry.

"I'm sorry." I say in a soft shakey voice once he gathers the mug into the dustpan. He pauses for a moment and looks up at me from the floor and shoots me a soft smile.

"It's ok. Accidents happen." Its a sweet sentiment, really. I nod softly as I sniffle and wipe my face on my hoodie sleeve.

"A little too often with me though." I say in a soft but sad tone. He frowns and looks at me confused.

"Ive never seen you break a mug before. How could it be often?" He says in an aloof manor. This breaks me out of my anxiety attack for a second and I smile for a second before I go back to frowning and looking at the remanents in the dustpan. Cas throws out the broken mug and then puts the broom away and stands in front of me as I sit quietly on the counter and try to quiet my rapidly beating heart to get my chest to stop hurting.

"You didn't have to do that." I say softly as I put a hand over my heart to try and add some pressure.

"I didn't want you to get cut again when you sat on the floor." He says shortly. I nod with an empty frown on my face.

"Fair." I say.

"Ill finish dishes for you if you wanna go pick a movie for movie night tonight." He says as he shuts off the water just before the sink spills over because I forgot to shut it off in the midst of my short anxiety attack. I frown as I look at the sink.

"Are you sure Cas? I dont want you to think im not able to do things." He shakes his head.

"You work so hard all the time trying to keep this place clean. Go sit down and pick a movie. Ill be in in a few minutes." His voice leaves little room for argument so I get up and shakily stand and walk to the living room and start looking through movies.

I smile to myself as I pick a stupid comedy movie about history and get ready to start the movie. A few minutes later, true to his word, Castiel walks in with slightly damp hands and a bowl of popcorn for me. I smile softly as I take the popcorn and he grabs me a soft blanket. As he drapes the blanket over my lap Sam walks in and then shortly after that Dean. Everyone settles in and Cas sits next to me on the couch and we all enjoy movie night together.

[thesoftestpunk]

Co- Aquatainenceship 9

Summary: You’re just two ex-assassins trying to navigate your way through normalcy, but you’re also huge idiots. In an attempt at getting Bucky out of his shell, you offer to catch him up on everything he’s missed. Including trashy YA novels.

Pairing: cw!Bucky Barnes x female!Reader

Word count: 6.4k

A/N: I have been struggling so hard to write lately :(( quick shoutout to @sanguineterrain for helping me find the end to the chap but also the courage to get it done!!

Warnings: angst, talk about depression, fluff, injuries, blood, and stitches. can't forget smoking

Series Masterlist

So you don’t talk about it. It being your feelings, but you didn’t want to when he was out of town for the next week, doing a multitude of interviews with Tony and Natasha. Pepper had come up with a simple PR plan to roll out the new phase of the Avengers, and it included Bucky. They wanted to show people he was harmless, but you’re not sure putting him on live television was such a good idea. He glared down at every camera, and intimidated every interviewer despite their best efforts at making him look less intimidating. You tease him relentlessly when his days are over, but he begs you to stop watching them. You give in after day three when you keep hearing the same handful of answers. 

With your time off, you almost don’t know what to do. You try filling every moment that you’re awake because if you think, you spiral. So you run, smoke a whole pack a day, and sometimes box. 

On one of your slower days, you wander up to the roof. Not many people go up there, and Tony hates it when they do, but there’s two shitty plastic lawn chairs to gaze up at the stars. Everything feels unsettled and shifted, but just looking up and zoning out helped. 

“I thought you quit years ago.” Steve moves the spare chair next to yours and it groans under his weight. 

“No need to keep the clueless act, Stevie.” You stub the cigarette out anyway, knowing the smell still puts him off. Bucky had told you his anxieties only came from when he was a small kid with asthma before the serum. “Bucky let the cat out of the bag months ago.”

“Well, I’m surprised it never occurred to you sooner.”

“Just wanted to tell myself you didn’t notice I guess. I know how you feel about them.”

Steve stays quiet as he leans back, the chair creaking so loud you’re sure it’s going to break.

“How are you doing? Really. You never liked time off before.”

“No, I know. You were right. I needed it.” You sigh. “Everything feels kinda fucked. I’ve never really felt… lost. There was always an end goal somewhere. How did you always know that you were doing the right thing?”

“I didn’t.” He says honestly. You know it by the haunted look in his eyes. “But it always felt right. Sometimes things just don’t turn out, no matter how well you stick to the plan.”

“Right.” You look down to the gravel, still feeling a little small. Even when admitting he wasn’t always right, Steve felt so perfect to you. The great American hero, but in your eyes, the altruistic big brother. “Never did say sorry for the kid dying, did I?”

“No, y/n. You didn’t—“

“I’m not-“ you interrupt then sigh, trying to gather your words. Steve’s patient, watching you without judgment. “I’m not saying sorry for getting him killed. I already did that, but I’m just saying. He was on our team. I’m just sorry we lost someone on our team.”

“You lose people sometimes.”

“Still sucks though.”

“It does.”

It’s quiet as you both look up to watch the stars and the occasional plane fly by. You liked these little moments with him. He always knew how to lift your spirits, just the slightest bit, even if you were the one venting most of the time. You’re sure he’s just happy to see you not locked up in your room for days on end. 

“I think I might need more time?” It comes out more as a question than a statement, feeling a sudden rush of tears. 

“I’ll let Tony know.” He almost goes into work mode until he looks over at you looking a little crushed. “Come on. Sam’s back from his sisters and I know you love her cooking. Maybe Bruce will show you some of his new gadgets too.” 

He leads you back to the roof door, holding it open for you. It’s almost too quiet in the elevator and you’ve honestly been dying to ask.

“So…” you start, turning to him with a sly grin. “Do I get to know her name?”

“Who?”

“The girl you’ve been seeing, Steve.” You roll your eyes. “You had a red kiss stain on your cheek all of Monday afternoon.” 

His face turns as red as the lipstick that had been stuck to him and you almost double over in laughter. 

“Buck is only gone for one more day, you know.”

Your laughter stops. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“If I recall correctly, you smelled a lot like Bucky's cologne when you came back Monday.”

“Can we rewind and I make fun of you for saying gadgets instead?”

You wait outside Bucky's building, bouncing anxiously as you hope you timed his departure from the compound correctly. Some passerby give you looks as you hang out on the edge of the curb, leaning casually against the car beside you. The roar of a motorcycle makes you perk up, turning just in time to catch him pulling up and killing the engine. You stay in your spot, two cars away as he removes his helmet and goes for his things. Not before acknowledging your presence of course. His hair has been trimmed since you’ve last seen him in person and his face is completely smooth. It makes him look less intimidating upon first glance, and you know for a fact the pepper made him do it. He had looked even less intimidating on tv, being dressed in lighter colored clothing, opposite of the black clothes he wears now.

“Steve said you weren’t around.” Bucky says when he’s standing in front of you, looking as antsy as you probably do. 

“I was a little busy with this.” You gesture to the old and pale colored jeep wrangler behind you. “Ta-da!”

“It’s a jeep.” He states simply. 

“Well. Yeah, but it’s my Jeep. That I drove alone.” 

“Wait, you…” realization dawns on him and you quickly pull out the temporary paper one the dmv gave you. 

“You’re looking at the new owner of a driver's license!” You barely show it off before he’s pulling you into a hug, spinning you around. He sets you down, hands lingering on your hips as you let out remnants of laughter. 

“Everyone better watch out with that lead foot of yours, doll.”

You give his shoulder a good punch, which only makes him laugh. There’s a moment where you watch his eyes fall to your lips before coming back up to your eyes. Home always looked good on him, the bags under his eyes lessening from the inconsistent sleep. He just always looked happy to be in Brooklyn, that boyishness returning full force. He's taking a step back and picking up his bags that he dropped in excitement and invites you in with a nod toward his building. 

“You could have let yourself in.” He says when you’re alone in the elevator.

“I don’t need your neighbors thinking I’m some crazy ex or something trying to break in.”

“Sounds like you need a key then.”

You hope you keep your cool, but by the smug look on his face, your shock is obvious. 

“Beer?” Bucky offers, setting his bags down by the couch to be forgotten until later. 

“Yes please.”

“We can sit out on the fire escape if you want a smoke.” He had noticed when your anxious energy hadn’t dissipated. “Go ahead. I’ll grab a few.” 

You climb outside, taking a seat on one of the stools he’d placed there when you found yourselves there more often than on his couch. Your leg bounces because you’re going to tell him damn it. Avoiding the conversation is only going to make things worse. It already has if your fight was anything to go off of. His tags sit heavy on your chest, and you toy with them while he moves around his kitchen. He’d heard them clinking together when you walked, but he wasn’t going to bring it up until you did. He didn’t really have any real need for them, and he gave them to you for a reason. A promise. That didn’t have to end every time he came home. Plus, he imagined the simple chain looked great on you, and he can’t find it in himself to scold his brain for thinking of your chest. Not even naked. God, he’s become a simp. Even though he’s still not completely sure what that means.

His footsteps have you hiding the tags back underneath the collar of your shirt.

“Careful,” he warns when the bottle almost slips through your nervous hand. Grabbing your favorite pack of cigarettes from the window sill, he taps it against his palm a few times before slipping one out, lighting it and offering it to you. 

“I’m quitting,” you blurt out. 

“Oh.” He isn’t sure what to say as he rolls the cigarette between his fingertips, unsure of what to do with it now. “Steve get to you finally?”

“Not- I mean I do feel a little guilty now that I know he knows but, no. I’m not quitting smoking. I’m quitting the team, Buck. It’s why I got my license, a car.”

It’s quiet for a long time, and you avoid looking at him in fear of seeing the possible rejection on his face. Eventually, you take the cigarette he keeps playing with instead of smoking, and take in a long breath as he thinks to himself. You wait with baited breath, and when he looks at you calmly, you blow it out quickly. 

“Where are you gonna go?” There’s concern hidden underneath the curiosity, but you’re able to decipher it from his tone. 

“Not sure.” You shake your head as you offer it back, letting him take a drag as you steal a sip of beer. “They’re kind enough to scout a few places. Make sure it’s safe.”

“And what will you do?”

Turning your head, you smile softly as you shake your head once more. “I never really thought about that. What did you do in your time in Romania?” 

No one’s asked him that out of genuine curiosity before. It was always accusatory or for the record. He’s taken by surprise, in all honesty. 

“Whatever odd jobs I could find. Nothing with official paperwork.”

“Of course.” You respond softly, understanding it would have created problems. “Well, my offer still stands,” you tease a bit as you reach for your own beer. “I think it’d be fun to be roomies.”

“I can’t, sweets.” He looks to his lap dejectedly.

“No, I- I understand.” You try to not show the hurt despite not being fully serious about the offer. “Your home is in Brooklyn. It’ll probably be closer to Steve and Sam… and I was totally kidding.”

“I mean, I can’t. They want me for at least another year.”

“What? Who exactly is ‘they?’ Tony? Fury?”

“Don’t make a fuss,” he pleads. I’m not sure I’m worth all this, Steve. 

“Why not?”

“Gotta pay my dues. It came with my parole.” 

You stand, clenching your jaw as you move to lean over the railing. There’s a heavy sigh from behind you and the old fire escape creaks when he moves next to you. 

“It’s not just about me having to work for them, is it?” He’s quiet, cautious. 

“Who’s gonna look after you when I’m gone?”

“when it’s not you, it’s Steve.”

“Steve doesn’t make a fuss like I do.”

“Well, you both know how to make yourselves heard.” It makes your mouth twitch but you work hard to keep frowning. “I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.”

“It’s nice to have help though.”

“It is.” He smiles. “But you’ll visit and when you do, you can help me with normal things. Like when the damn tv misbehaves.”

“You need to be nicer to it or you’re buying another one.”

He chuckles softly, plucking the cigarette from between your fingers. As he takes a drag, you see the frown and stress line between his eyebrows. Tilting your head, you wait for it to dissipate along with the smoke, but it never does.

“What? Worried about me? I’ll be fine, Buck.”

He flicks the excess ash off with his thumb, watching some of it fall on his boot. “Your mother reached out to me. I guess Emily seeing me on tv sent her into a frenzy, but she said she wants to look for you again.”

“What did you say?” You wrap your arms around yourself, a nervous habit. It isn’t his fault she reached out, so you keep your anxiety from turning into anger. 

“That Avengers don’t really take missing persons cases.” There’s an obvious pause, you realize, as he sticks the cigarette between his teeth to run his hands through his hair anxiously. “But that I would reach out to some of my contacts. That being… you.”

“I’m scared shitless.” You take the cigarette right from his mouth. At this point, you aren’t sure why you share when you both just end up stealing it from one another. 

“I know that.” He leans against the railing, crossing his arms over his chest. You’re not sure if the railing or his shirt can handle the pressure. “It just got me thinking, if you’re getting out, it’s a good time to let them know. You don’t have to worry about anyone going after them. Worry about running into them either.”

“I think I’ll always worry.”

“I’ll go with you if you don’t think you can do it alone.”

“You would?” It surprises you. “You always said you didn’t want to go with me to meet them. That you’d rather lose another arm.”

“I never-“ he sighs, defeated, realizing he may have said it once facetiously. “I was being a coward. Couldn’t do it for my sister, so how could I do it for you?”

“Your sister was alive?” 

“Passed before we became friends.”

“Buck…” 

“Look, it’s not about me, sweets.” He pulls you in, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your chest presses against him and you’re sure he can feel your heart racing. “You want me there?”

“Yes.” You wrap your arms around his torso, squeezing him into a tight hug. “What would I do without you?”

“Crash and burn evidently.” 

You pinch his ribs, making him yelp in surprise.

You let Bucky reach out to your mom, too afraid to do it yourself. She answers almost instantly and then you’re met with the fact that you actually have to set up a time to meet. You’re too overwhelmed so you let her pick, and when the day finally arrives, you think you’re going to be sick. 

“We aren’t taking your bike?” You practically pout when you meet with Bucky at his place to go meet your parents. 

“We can if you really want, but I was afraid Emily would want a ride and I’m not putting your mother through that kind of stress.” 

“Oh, you make a good point.” The nerves come through in your tight laugh. 

“Is that okay?” 

“Yes!” You answer all too quickly. “Yes. It’s just… it's been awhile since I’ve done the whole train thing.” It’s only a half lie on why you were acting so nervous, but you don’t have to explain for him to know.

“I’ll be close by.” Bucky holds his arm out for you to loop yours through and leads you to the subway. 

It’s jam packed for the middle of the day, but Bucky takes care of the passes, what platform you need to be at and when. Anything to prevent you from getting any more stressed than you already are. On the train, you’re pressed into Bucky, your back meeting his front. When the train moves and you bump further into him, unable to get a hold of anything in time, he just reaches around to hold you in place. 

“I got ya,” he whispers into your neck, making your stomach flip over. 

You burrow further into him, arm resting over his, and pretend to hide into him. It just was hard being in the same city you were taken, on a train no less on your way to school, but you knew how to blend in with ease. You know even better that kirsch could never take you again, assured many times by Steve that you had gone through with that plan, and he was buried alone. You could always use your anxiety to your advantage to get lost in a crowd, but Bucky keeps you in place easily. Ignoring your obvious nail biting, a curse to yourself as you loved Natasha’s flawless natural nails, he only swats at your hand once.

When you get off the train and head above ground, Bucky gets distracted by a floral stand along the way. Despite your eye rolling, you’re endeared by his insistence of getting flowers any time he meets a girl's mother. You think you might get down on one knee when he gets a single rose for your little sister. Your palms begin to sweat when you enter the park you agreed to meet at and when you see your mom and dad sitting on a bench watching your sister, you stop.

“Oh,” you breathe out, feeling like all the air has escaped your lungs. 

“You okay?” Bucky brings a hand to your lower back, worried by the look on your face. 

“Yeah I just- it’s really happening.” You turn to look at him, eyes wide and brows furrowed with worry. “Just scared… give me one second to take it all in.”

“Take all the time you need, sweets.” 

“Maybe we should’ve rethought the flowers.” You turn to him quickly, too afraid to be the one to catch your parents attention first. “Or the whole thing.”

“Y/N—“

“My mother is a florist for christ's sake,” you try to argue. “The carnations were a terrible idea. Why’d I let you get away with that?”

“I’m not sure that matters at this point.” 

Turning, you see your mother, and then consequently your father, both watching you in happy shock.

“Oh, my baby.” You hear your mom's voice crack as she stands from the bench, just as afraid as you are to move any closer. You do when she takes a tentative step forward, hand pressed against her own chest. Nearly running, you collide into the both of them, arms wrapping around them desperately as they cling on to you just as tight. 

“Hi,” is all you can muster against your mom's shoulder.

“You’ve- well you’ve grown!” She lets out a wet laugh as she takes you in, almost in disbelief at what she was seeing. 

“It’s been, um, awhile.” You try to blink the tears away. Glancing behind you, Bucky stands where you left him. You wave him over subtly, not fully prepared to be on your own. “Mom, you’ve met Bucky.”

“Yes! Mr. Barnes,” she holds out a hand which he takes before offering the flowers. 

“Mr. Bucky! Mr. Bucky!” Emily comes bounding up to all of you, ponytail bouncing. “You did it? You found her?”

“He did.” You kneel down to get to her level. “You must be Emily.”

She looks up at you in awe, and it’s a little shy, but she hugs you to cover it up. Bucky gives you the single rose to give her, and she jumps in excitement. The questions begin, and Bucky is quick to pick up on your nervous glances to your little sister. You had promised full transparency, but you wanted to filter what the little five year old got to hear. He offers to take her on a quick walk, which your dad seems hesitant about, but you reassure him quickly. Then you’re all sitting and they look at you too expectantly. It’s hard at first, telling them how scared you were and what all you went through, and maybe you lighten up a few details. The tears in their eyes never go away, and when you explain what Steve and the rest of the team did for you, your mother looks relieved. 

“Sorry, but why now?” Your father asks innocently. 

“What do you mean?”

“You said that man, Kirsch, died six years ago, right? How come you didn’t reach out sooner?”

You look away, unsure at first, but then you see Bucky holding your little sister's hand, and laughing at some story she’s expertly telling. The answer is almost entirely her. They got another girl, and they didn’t have to worry about you any more, but in all honesty, when Tony found your parents' information, Emily didn’t exist at all. Your parents were still in grief and in denial. You aren’t sure what changed. Maybe it was the fact that Emily just happened to be a surprise, and they figured they could try again. Without you. So you had agreed to join the team instead of facing rejection or disappointment.

“I dunno,” your voice is small as you look at your hands. “I- I was an assassin. Didn’t think there was much redemption in that.”

“Oh, sweetheart…” 

“Look, I know that you’re my parents and you’ll love me no matter what, but you said that when I was a kid. I stopped being that kid the day I got taken and I’ve killed people. it just- the idea of you being disappointed just made me too scared.” 

Neither of them try to give you any platitudes. Instead, they hug you tight, and let you cry. No one tries to carry the blame over anyone else. You’ve all somehow come to that silent agreement. They just end up doing exactly what you need, love you. 

“Em sure is a firecracker.” You comment once the tears are over and she’s begged Bucky to let her hang from his prosthetic arm just ‘one more time!’ 

“Wonder where she gets that from,” your father teases, side-eyeing you. “I should probably relieve your friend there.” 

“Friend, hm?” Your mother nudges your shoulder when your dad is far enough away. 

“Okay,” you roll your eyes. “Yes. Bucky is a friend.”

“A friend who brought your mother flowers.”

“He’s old fashioned.” 

Your mother hums, not quite believing you, and drops it. But when he gives you a smile over his shoulder, you seem unable to.

“He’s… complicated.” Your shoulders and smile drop when his attention is taken away. “We both sort of are. I’m not sure it’ll go anywhere.”

“How come?”

“I’m quitting the whole avenging thing. Moving somewhere else. Close enough to see you guys of course, but…”

“Far enough to make it complicated with him?” 

“It’s all a bit complicated.” You sigh. 

“Let life settle down again. It’ll surprise you.” 

After you all grab a quick bite to eat, you part ways, accepting too many stickers from your little sister on the way. On the train back, you’re both able to sit, and you recall the way your parents had looked exactly the same, just a little older. You have to retrace their faces from old memories to remember the way they look now. 

“You’re staring.” You tell Bucky on the third stop.

“Just… observing.” You give him a pointed look at his response you gave him too many times. “I’m proud of you for doing that.”

“Oh my god,” you balk. “Do not make me cry on this train!” 

“I’m serious!” 

“I know, but I swear to god, if I cry one more time today…” you leave the empty threat out in the open, face softening at his sincerity. “Thank you.”

“So, when is your last mission?” He changes the subject to work quickly. 

“My last mission was my last one.” 

“Oh, so you’re just done now?” He almost seems disappointed by that. 

“Well, Steve’s putting me on desk duty until I decide what to do. Where to go. Thinking I might actually get some sort of degree.”

“Don’t you have enough credits for at least three?”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well, apparently they’re begging Tony to make me decide. I’ll have to take a few extra to, you know, finish it out, but I dunno. Maybe linguistics since I have the most credits for that, but what actual paying job can I get with that?”

“You’ll figure it out. You’ve got time.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” You pout and play with the zipper of his leather jacket. “So. Your sister.” Bucky sighs because he knew you wouldn’t be able to drop it, but he isn’t annoyed. “Was she the same one from the photo of you dancing?” 

“Yes, Rebecca.” 

“It’s okay you couldn’t go see her.” You’re cautious, watching his posture and facial expressions closely. “I wish you could have, though.”

“I was still recovering.” They hadn’t even given him his new arm, yet. “I’m not sure they would’ve even entertained the idea, and I know that just makes you mad, but…”

“No, I get it.” You rest your head on his shoulder, feeling the warmth even through the layers. “I was on a short leash too. Still haven’t decided if it was good or not, but they unfortunately had a very good point.” 

“You’re still a flight risk sometimes,” he teases. 

“I think I’ve found my reason to stay.” 

Laying your head on his shoulder, you let the noise of the subway take over between you. 

Tapping your pen against your desk, you try to not let your head drop from boredom. Steve was right in saying you were never good with time off, but you didn’t realize desk work would be ten times worse. You yearn to text your fellow teammates about any and all updates on their respective missions, begging for the nitty gritty details. You’ll even take having to hear about a black eye adorning Bucky’s face for the sake of your brain not rotting, but they give you nothing. Everything seems to go perfect, and you’re left bitterly tapping your pen as you stare at numbers. It’s been three weeks of this. You had even bought matching pants and blazers in excitement. The initial giddiness in a change of pace had worn off quickly, and you became a part of the corporate drones you had heard so much about from your endless journey of media deep dives. You honestly consider starting a fight. Drama. Something. 

A knock on your cubicle brings you out of your wallowing. Bucky, a beautiful reprieve, stands with a takeout bag in hand. 

“What’s this?” You eye him warily, but smile at the interruption. 

“Heard the fridge busted and you lost your lunch for the day.” He has this knowing look, like he had heard your grumbled curses and banging a fist on the fridge door that morning. It wasn’t your proudest moment. “Have you taken your break yet?” 

“No.” Your grin grows bigger, the thought of getting Bucky for an entire hour uninterrupted making your skin crawl with anticipation. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Take your break with me and you’ll find out, doll.” 

You find a bench outside, looking out to the large field, and he unpacks the food for you. You’re giddy as he hands the take out bowl of dim sum. The sun feels warm on your skin, and you’re just relieved to get out of the dreary office.

“Are you sleeping okay?” Bucky looks over your face once more, but you’ve covered the heavy bags underneath your eyes with makeup. A skill you’ve learned over the years to hide any injuries if necessary for work.

“Is this a friendly lunch or an interrogation?” Your voice is light, almost teasing to hide the nervous pain you feel from the question. If his intention hadn’t been because you couldn’t take your lunch, it would almost feel like a betrayal. 

“Friendly.” His frown deepens, insulted by your insinuation. “I want to know you’re okay. You’ve been… small.”

“Small?” A soft laugh escapes at that. 

“You’re usually so present and there, but these past few weeks,” he looks down and shakes his head. “I can see your mind wandering, and you’re not here much anymore. Just don’t want to see you that bad again.”

“Well, I’ve been leaving my room.” Your hands find something to fidget with, and you’re hesitant to look at him.

“Sweets,” he sets down his bowl and takes your nervous hands. Looking him in the eye, you can see a million words processing in his mind as he searches in your eyes. “I can help. If you want it or need it.”

“Buck,” you roll your eyes, unable to keep this conversation serious. “You help me just fine.”

“You swear?” He looks for your tells, but comes up empty. He looks so scared and you can’t seem to understand why. Why would someone worry so much about you? “No night terrors? Anything?”

“There’s… been a few nightmares, but look,” you wave off his worry, letting one of your hands escape. He refuses to let the other one go, slotting your fingers together in urgency. “I’m getting out of bed and going to a mind numbing job everyday. That’s good, right? I normally just… wallow in self pity. I’m not great, but I’m good, Buck. No need to stress.”

“Y/N, I…” he hesitates, watching the microexpressions in your face change at the use of your name. No cute terms of endearment. You soften so much, he stops himself from telling you outright that he loves you. Because he can see the tiredness in your eyes despite your expert makeup skills, and he tells himself to wait just a little longer. It isn’t the right time, and he doesn’t want to overwhelm you any more than you already are. “I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“Nat wants to take me out for drinks tonight. As an unofficial goodbye party. Why don’t you come?” You want to prove to him that you’re doing fine, even though you would much rather get in bed early with a book. 

“Can’t.” He looks sheepish as he picks his lunch back up. “Doing some recon later.” 

“Well, I appreciate this, thank you.”

The sharp sound of knocking interrupts you from getting ready, hair halfway pulled back as you were about to fix your makeup. You’re afraid it’s Nat, as you get up to open the door, having shown up early. Bucky leans heavily against the doorframe. He’s beat up pretty good, bottom lip busted and scattered bruises littering his face. There’s dirt on his tac gear that he still has on, but most of all he looks tired. 

“I didn’t know you were back so soon.” 

“Finished early,” he grumbles out. Taking note of his leaning, your eyes fall down his arm, and you see blood on his hand that presses into his side. 

“Jesus, buck!” Without a second thought, you pull him into your room. Both of you stumble over his weight as he leans against you heavily. 

“‘M fine,” he mumbles as you drop him a bit unceremoniously onto the love seat in front of the window. 

“I- we…” Normally you’re more level headed than this, but you usually have the time to get in the proper head space before missions. A surprise visit covered in blood was going to give you some panic. “I need to go get help.” 

Just before you can walk away, Bucky’s free hand grabs your wrist. “They taught you how to stitch someone up, didn’t they?” 

“Yes, but this requires a trip to the infirmary. Not my bedroom.” You gesture vaguely to his still bleeding wound. 

“I’m not going to the infirmary.” he says firmly, the grip he has on your wrist tightening slightly.

“You are bleeding on my couch.” You can see where it just starts to soak into the material. That stain will never come out, you know it. 

“I don’t need it to be perfect. Just something to get me by for the next few days.” It wasn’t going to take long to heal, but that didn’t mean they could just leave it be and hope for the best. “Come on, before someone overhears.” 

Rolling your eyes with a dramatic huff, you pull your wrist from his grasp to go close the door. Not before poking your head out into the hallway, looking for any signs of life. When you know you’re in the clear, you close her door, and head straight for the bathroom. While shuffling in the cabinet underneath the sink for the kit you swear you own, you raise your voice slightly to speak to him. 

“We need to stop the bleeding before I can do anything.” You almost shout in victory when you spot the red box, and grab a few towels. “First we’ll need to get your shirt off.” 

As he struggles out of his layers, you drag your nightstand closer to lay out all of the items as neatly as you can. Taking one of the hand towels, you have him hold it firmly in place so you can go scrub your hands clean. It’s nearly soaked through by the time you find a comfortable position to work in. 

“Let me see?” You ask softly. 

Your hands hover over his as he peels the towel back with a tiny wince. It wasn’t as much as you’d like but you could work with it. Using the same towel, you hold it under the wound, pouring disinfectant over it and then patting it dry. He tries to not hiss in pain the entire time, jaw clenched tight. While you turn to get the needle and thread ready, he slings his arm over the back of the couch to grant you easy access. 

“What were you thinking?” You ask quietly, the needle going through his skin easily. 

“Yippee, I’m a hero,” Bucky deadpans. 

“You seem to have forgotten I’m the one stitching you up. Should I check for a concussion too? Maybe terminal dumbass disorder while we’re at it.”

“What do you want me to say?” He flinches when you stab him harshly out of anger. 

“I don’t like you going on solo missions.” Shaking your head softly, you keep focus on the task at hand rather than his reaction to that. “You should have asked me to come along. I was probably the only one who didn’t have anything going on.” 

“You said you had the night off.” 

You hum softly, not impressed with his lame excuse. “Well, now I get to end it by cleaning a stain that might never come out.” 

“Shit,” he mutters, not having realized the blood reached the cushions. Without thinking, he moves to check the damage.

“Hey, hey, whoa!” Your hand falls onto his stomach to steady him, nearly having pierced his skin in the wrong place. “Easy, hotshot. I’m not quite finished yet.” 

Your hand glides over his skin before returning back to where it had been previously.

“Got blood on your dress too.” Bucky mumbles, taking the fabric between the fingertips of his free hand. 

“It’s okay, I-“ you laugh softly, bashful as his skin grazes against your legs. “I didn’t really want to go.”

“How come?” 

“I dunno. Maybe Nat would say I’m looking for a reason to back out, but I’d rather be here with you. Bloody or not.” 

There’s a thick silence as his hand falls on your thigh, squeezing in surprise by the admission. You scoff, returning to your needlework so you don’t get embarrassed by looking him in the eye.

“God, that sounded corny. I just- well, it’s true. I don’t wanna go to a bar full of strangers where some guy is probably going to hit on me or insult me by accident. Probably wouldn’t put up with me torturing him with candy or cheesy movies that physically make you cringe. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I want a guy who’s gonna dance with me because he knows I never have. If… if that makes sense.”

It’s a full admission, he’s beginning to realize. It’s him. You want him. Even though you can’t make yourself say the words, he still knows you mean it. Because you wouldn’t be shaking otherwise. You had the steadiness of a sharpshooter, and the only time you faltered was when feelings got involved. You’re so close, it doesn’t take much movement for his lips to capture yours, causing you to freeze and almost drop the needle. His hand slides up your thigh, sneaking underneath the skirt of your dress because he needs to feel your warmth. To know that he’s actually kissing the woman of his dreams. 

“Hey,” you whisper against his lips, laughter bubbling in your throat. Pulling back, you see the slight fear in his eyes. “I should finish this up before we… do whatever, don’t you think?”

“I’ll be fine.” He leans back in, but frowns when a hand on his chest stops him. Albeit a little dramatically, he throws his head back on the couch and lets your gentle hands continue working. It’s silent for a while, and while you’re tying the knot to finish, he speaks again. “I think you should stay.”

“Buck,” your shoulders drop at that, and set the tools down. “I can’t. They’ve already found a place for me. I’m supposed to be getting a fresh start. I mean… how are we supposed to do this? Won’t it just be–”

“Complicated?”

Your face burns in embarrassment. “You heard that?”

“Doll,” he shakes his head, not wanting you to worry about that, and holds your cheek in his flesh hand, thumb tracing a circle along your jaw. “It’s now or never. I already thought I would lose you when you leave.”

“Of course you won’t!”

“You’ve got everyone here. Wasn’t I your reason for staying?”

“Yes, but I–” you realize you’re doing it again. You’re running away to avoid the hard feelings. The fear of rejection or worse. Loss. “Steve’s gonna be so pissed.”

“Who cares?”

Fuck.

“I’m scared.” Your voice shakes along with the hand that you bring up to the nape of his neck, and press your forehead against his. 

“That’s okay, sweets. I am too.”

“Okay.” You breathe out as you close your eyes. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

Bucky kisses you like you’re leaving, but he stays, wrapped in your arms until the exhaustion makes him sleep.

Tag list:

@buckymcbuckbarnes @enchantedbarnes @buckybarnesowl (if I mistakenly tagged you, I'm sorry. I lost my tag list and tried to figure out who asked)

[thruheavenandhighwater]

Pairing: Eddie Munson/ Female OC

Requested By: NA (inspired by this note by @eddieandbird)

Word Count: 4,264

Summary: It's been a few months since the prom. Faith and Eddie are still in the honeymoon early days of their relationship when the first speedbump pops up. Assumptions and almost miscommunications lead to anxiety and an important conversation.

Stranger Things Masterlist Eddie Munson Masterlist

Part Three of Leap of Faith Series Masterlist

~~~~~

It had been decided on Sunday night. When 7 o'clock rolled around and Faith began to gather her things. Eddie was on the edge of his bed, watching as she packed her things into her bag.

"I wish you could just stay forever," he whined as he fell back on the bed. 

"We both have to work tomorrow," she answered. 

"Okay, yeah, but work sucks. We could just stay in bed all day instead." 

"And where would that get us?" She asked with a laugh. "We gotta work and save up so we can get out on our own. Wayne is sick of me showing up every other day while he's trying to sleep." 

Eddie groaned loudly and crossed his arms over his eyes. "Is it really too much to ask that I get to be happy?" He asked out loud. "I just want to spend the rest of my life in bed with my super hot, super awesome girlfriend." 

She set her bag next to the bedroom door and walked back to the bed. She laid beside him, one arm stretching across his stomach. He moved his arms from his face, a wide smile growing as he wrapped her up in his arms. He pulled her tightly to his chest, as if her being across the small room for more than a second had been torture. 

"Well, your super awesome girlfriend needs to go home," she whispered into his shoulder. "She's tired and doesn't want to fall asleep at work tomorrow." 

"Just spend the night," he answered casually, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

She went rigid beneath his arm. If Eddie noticed, he didn't say as much. They'd been dating for a few months, becoming official the day after prom when Eddie called to tell her that he'd had a great time. Afternoon naps on the lumpy couch were nothing new, but they'd never spent the night together. The only times they were ever in his bedroom together were times that Wayne was home. But Wayne worked nights at the plant and was already gone for the evening. 

"I have to get up early," was the excuse she eventually landed on. "I don't wanna wake you up while I'm getting ready or something. Plus, I don't have any work clothes with me for tomorrow." 

He pulled her somehow closer to himself with a small, satisfied groan. "What about Friday?" He asked. 

"What about Friday?" 

"Well, neither of us work on Saturday, right? You could stay over on Friday and not have to worry about getting up early." 

She was quiet. Trying to filter through her thoughts to find a good reason to say no. It's not that she didn't want to stay with him. She did. Kind of. She liked these moments with him. She liked being close to him, feeling him all around her. She liked smelling his cologne on her shirt after they'd spent a few hours cuddled up together. But she knew what spending the night with a boyfriend meant. She'd heard all of her friends talk about it for the past few years. Girls were expected to do a little more than kiss if they spent the night. And that, she knew, she wasn't ready for. 

Eddie noticed her silence and interrupted her thoughts gently. "If you're worried about Wayne being home or whatever, he's technically supposed to have Fridays off but he usually picks up a shift since he gets paid double for working overtime." 

"I'm not worried about Wayne," she smiled into his chest. "Worried about you." 

"Me?" He asked, feigning offense. 

"Yes, you," she answered. "Who knows what you're gonna do once you've got me all alone in your bed all night." 

He giggled, a high pitched and sweet sound. He rolled onto his side to face her, his free hand landing on her hip. "Oh," he smiled. "Well, I'm obviously planning to ravage you for hours, of course." He smiled as he leaned towards her, still smiling as his lips met hers. She moved her hand from his stomach to his cheek, her fingers landing softly on his stubbled skin. 

"I gotta go," she whispered as she pulled away from the kiss just slightly. Eddie jutted out his bottom lip, a pitiful whimper sounding from his throat as he dark eyes pouted. 

She stood from the bed, his hand catching hers and holding it weakly. She smiled down to him as she freed the appendage. His pout fell in favor of a smile as he sat up straight. He reached forward, the space between his hands silently begging to be filled. She stepped towards him, his arms wrapping around her waist as hers circled his shoulders. 

"Walk me out?" 

"Always," he smiled. 

He stood from the bed and took her hand in his. As they passed through his bedroom door he bent slightly to retrieve her bag from the floor. He slung in over his shoulder and followed her through the door and down the narrow hallway. Once they were at her car, he allowed her to pull her hand from his to unlock the door, quickly opening the back door and dropping her backpack to the seat. 

“Call me when you get home?” He asked, his arms finding her waist once again. 

“I will,” she answered, placing her hands on his biceps.

He ducked just enough to catch her lips in another soft kiss before she took a step back. She sat down behind the wheel of her car, putting the key into the ignition and bringing the engine to life. Eddie leaned into her open window, crossing his forearms as his head breached the window. “Drive safe,” he instructed. She nodded and smiled as he leaned into the window further, one more kiss for the road before retreating and stepping away from the car. He raised one hand in a silent wave as she backed away from the house and started to make her way home. 

She’d called him as soon as she was home and finalized their plans for the following weekend. When she couldn’t come up with a good reason to say no, she thought that maybe there wasn't a good reason. Maybe she just had to say yes, spend the night, and deal with whatever that meant when the time came. But as the days wore on and their sleepover loomed closer and closer, she began to let herself worry. 

On wednesday Eddie called after work. He called most days, just to tell her about his day. About work and to playfully judge the music choices of the customers that came into the record store where he worked. But he was extra giddy when she answered today. 

“So, Wayne definitely picked up Friday,” he announced. His smile was evident as he spoke. “So we’re safe for the night. Don’t gotta worry about the old man ruining all the fun.”

Her palm began to sweat against the clear plastic of her bedside phone. She swallowed around nothing and tried to put on a fake smile, hoping that in his excitement he wouldn’t be able to hear her nerves through the phone. 

“That’s great,” she answered. “Guess there’s nothing to worry about, then?”

“Nope, we’re home free, babe.”

The rest of the phone call went as they usually did. Eddie talked about work and his coworkers, who he still wasn’t entirely sure liked him even after working with them all summer. She allowed herself to relax into her sheets as she told him about her own day at work. Waitressing was easy enough most days, but some days were hard. Some days brought in grumpy patrons who would use her as a verbal punching bag to relieve whatever stress they had going on. 

“Sounds like an asshole,” Eddie commented as she finished telling him about one guy in particular who must have been having an extra shitty day. “Sometimes I wish we lived together. You could come home to me and tell me all about those shitty people and I could make it all better.”

“And how would you make it all better?”

“Bubble baths and massages, obviously.”

She giggled, rolling over on top of her sheets as she got comfortable. “Massages, huh?”

“Full body, if the lady likes.”

“Okay, calm down over there, Munson,” she chastised. 

“Hey, don’t be mad at me when I can’t keep my hands off ya,” he giggled. “Not my fault you agreed to go out with me for some fuckin’ reason.”

And then, much too quickly, it was Friday. Today was the day. As she was finishing up her shift at work, she found herself almost wanting her last table to stay. She offered them desert and coffee, putting on her best customer service smile in hopes that it would be enough to convince them. But they refused. They all smiled and thanked her as she set their check on the table and walked away. Once they were gone and she was cleaning up the table, she noticed they’d left a really good tip. More than what she was used to or had expected. She pocketed her money, adding it to the wad of mostly singles in the pocket of her jeans and clocked out. 

Normally, if she had plans to go to Eddie’s after work, she could leave the diner and go straight there. She’d show up smelling like onion rings with the intention of showering once she was home. But tonight, she wasn’t going home. Tonight she was staying. Tonight she was nervous. 

She went home and headed straight for the shower. She spent probably way too long beneath the stream of hot water. She felt her nerves growing in her stomach as she rinsed shampoo from her hair. They grew tenfold as she dragged the pink disposable razor up her legs. 

She grabbed her backpack from its hook on the back of her bedroom door and threw it haphazardly on the bed. She worked quickly, taking deep breaths as she dried her body and dressed for the evening. Well, the first part of the evening. Her fingers fidgeted and flexed against her palms as she began to pack for the second part of the evening.

What was she supposed to wear to bed? Normally, in her own bed, it was simple. An old t shirt and whatever pants were most comfortable. If it was cold, thick cotton pajamas. If it was warmer, shorts or just panties. But tonight was different. She felt a strange sense of urgency as she rifled through her drawer of pajamas. Should she go for cute over comfort? The only things in the drawer that could be considered cute was a matching set her mother had given her for her last birthday. They looked nice on her, but they were stiff and kind of itchy. She eventually decided against cute. She was already feeling slightly uneasy about staying the night with Eddie, there was no reason to make herself even more uncomfortable by forcing herself into the itchy pajamas. An old shirt from her family vacation to Tennessee the year before and a pair of cotton shorts would have to do. 

She packed a change of clothes for the morning and her pajamas into her backpack. She looked down at the clothes and felt her nerves flare up again. She closed her eyes and took two deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. It was fine. She would be fine. She liked Eddie, loved him even though neither of them had said it yet. She liked being with him. One more deep breath, in through her nose and out through her mouth, and she felt a little better. She left the backpack open on her bed and made her way to the bathroom down the hall. She grabbed her hairbrush, her toothbrush, and a few other essentials. 

Once her bag was packed she said goodbye to her parents, reminding them that she wouldn’t be home tonight. Her mother wore a look of concern but said her own goodbye anyway, reminding her to be safe. She nodded, closing the door behind her. 

She gripped her steering wheel tightly when she parked behind Eddie’s van. Her gaze was fixed on his crooked license plate as she tried to talk herself out of leaving. A part of her wanted to pull away and go back home. She could call Eddie and tell him that she’d suddenly fallen ill and had to stay home. But she couldn’t do that, not really. They’d probably heard her pull in, her tires disrupting the gravel of the driveway and announcing her arrival. She took a deep breath and grabbed her bag from the passenger seat. She gave herself a quick pep talk as she swung her door open. Just go inside, Faith. Quit being a baby. 

Eddie answered the door with a bright smile. His long hair was pulled back into a low, loose ponytail. He stepped away from the door, his arm raised as she walked past him into the living room. Wayne was standing at the stove in the small kitchen, stirring something in a pot that smelled great. 

“You, my dear, have excellent timing,” Eddie smiled as he took her bag from her. “We’re just finishing up dinner.”

He kissed her temple quickly before disappearing with her bag down the hallway. She greeted Wayne with a smile, standing somewhat awkwardly in the living room.

"Hope you're hungry, kiddo," Wayne smiled before turning his attention back to the stove. 

Eddie came back to the kitchen, pulling on an oven mitt and shooing Wayne away from the stove. He opened the oven door and the scent of garlic filled the small space. 

Neither man would accept her offers to help set up for family dinner. She sat in a chair that Eddie had pulled up the table specifically for her and watched as they worked. Eddie grabbed glasses from a cabinet while Wayne scooped healthy portions of spaghetti onto three plates. While Eddie was filling the glasses with soda from the fridge, Wayne was adding steaming garlic bread to each of the plates on the counter. 

“This smells so good,” she commented when Wayne sat her plate in front of her. 

“Old family recipe,” he answered with a small smile. 

It tasted as wonderful as it smelled. Even better, maybe. She always loved family dinners with Eddie and Wayne. No matter what was on the menu or how little time they actually had to eat before Wayne had to hurry off to work. These dinners with them were always special to her. And she knew they were special to Eddie, too. 

Before she knew it, they were cleaning up. Wayne packed up some of the leftovers into a plastic bowl, putting them into his old lunchbox to take to work. He pulled on his work boots and grabbed the lunchbox from the counter. 

“Have a good night,” she called softly over her shoulder from where she stood at the counter. 

“Goodnight, Faith. You kids behave,” Wayne smiled as he stepped through the door. He always said the same thing before leaving for the night. Usually, she’d giggle and not really think about it. But tonight her giggle was forced and she felt herself begin to get nervous again as she washed her plate and handed it over to Eddie to be dried. She hoped he wasn’t picking up on her uncertainty. 

When all the dishes were finished and put away, the two got comfortable beneath a blanket on the couch. Eddie put on a movie and while it played she was able to forget that this wasn’t just any other night with her boyfriend. 

She felt herself begin to doze off against his shoulder as the movie crested its climax. The characters on screen had eluded certain death, or so it seemed. Eddie noticed her eyelids growing heavy as she struggled to keep them open. 

"Wanna go to bed?" He asked quietly, running a gentle hand up her arm. She nodded sleepily and pulled herself away from him, stretching her arms over her head. 

As they entered Eddie's bedroom she was suddenly wide awake. He grabbed a pair of plaid pajamas from a drawer of his dresser and announced that he was gonna shower. "Get comfy, babe," he whispered, kissing her cheek before leaving. 

When she heard the bathroom door click shut she relaxed, her shoulders falling from where they had been tensed nearly up to her ears. She listened for the sound of the shower. Once the knobs squeaked on and the water began to run she started to dress for bed. She sat her backpack on the unmade bed in front of her and pulled her pajamas from the open bag. 

There was a moment, just a brief second, that she second guessed her choice in outfit for the evening. Maybe she should have chosen the cute, itchy pajamas instead. But she shut that down quickly. Eddie liked her. He wouldn't care that her pajamas didn't match. 

Eddie was true to his word that his shower would be a quick one. She was getting comfortable beneath his comforter when he stepped into the room. He was rubbing at his wet hair with a towel, a smile on his face. 

"Now, there's a sight I could definitely get used to," he told her, dropping the damp towel to the floor. 

"And what sight is that?" She asked with a smile. "Me looking like a bum in my pajamas?" 

"My favorite girl all comfy in my bed," he answered. His gaze fell to the floor in front of him, the softest pink blush crawling over his cheeks. "I like that you're not in a rush to get home. We got all night together." 

"Yup," she agreed, forcing a smile. "All night." 

He crawled into bed beside her, settling beneath the comforter. "Why ya all the way over there?" He asked, eying her as she sat at the far edge of the bed. "C'mere. I need to be cuddled or I'll die." 

"I don't think you'll die." 

"Are you really willing to risk it?" 

"I guess not," she answered, trying to hide her smile as she shuffled closer to him. 

"She guesses not," he scoffed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and holding her tight to his chest. "She guesses she'll save my life. Thanks, babe. It's nice to know you care so much." 

"If I kiss you, will you stop being dramatic?" 

"Only one way to find out," he shrugged. 

Kissing him did stop the dramatics. Turns out it was hard for even Eddie Munson to be obnoxious while his lips were otherwise occupied. And man, was he a good kisser. She liked that about him. He was always the perfect mix of gentle and firm. He didn't slobber all over her like previous guys had. And he made these soft, sweet little noises in his throat when he got excited. Kissing him was fun.  

As their kisses began to deepen and the atmosphere became intense, she noticed him shifting. Before she knew it, he was more or less on top of her. His bare chest pressed to her, one of knees between her thighs as he held himself up with one hand planted into her pillow beside her head. 

His free hand roamed down her side, settling on her hip. She felt his calloused fingertips dip beneath the hem of her shirt. His hands were warm against her skin but she felt goosebumps sprout across her body. His lips traveled across her cheek and down her neck. She tangled her hands into his hair, earning a low groan from him when she tugged at his hair. That low groan served to suddenly bring her back down to earth. She suddenly realized as if for the first time that he was on her. 

She removed her hand from his hair and placed it on his shoulder. "Baby," she whined as his tongue slipped through his lips, leaving a wet strip on her neck. "Baby, slow down." 

"I'm puttin' in some of my best work here, babe," he giggled. When he looked up to her, he saw the worried look on her face. The way her brows furrowed. The unsure look in her eyes. He moved his hand from her hip, placing it softly against her cheek. "Hey, I'm just messin' with ya. We can stop."

"I'm sorry," she sighed, looking away from him. 

"For what?" 

She sighed again, still looking at the Anthrax poster on the wall over his shoulder. She felt tears pricking painfully behind her eyes. Shame started to fill her chest heavily. Eddie moved, laying beside her and pulling his hands away from her. 

"Talk to me?" He asked quietly. 

"It's just," she started, bringing a hand to her forehead. "I know what's supposed to happen tonight. What you're probably expecting, but I just don't know if I'm ready." 

"And what is it that you think I'm expecting." 

She looked almost sad when she finally looked over at him. She took a moment to collect herself before she finally spoke again. 

"I know that spending the night means I'm supposed to put out. But that's a big deal for me, okay? I've never done that before and I just don't-" 

He cut her off when he recognized the beginnings of a ramble. "Hey, woah woah woah. Faith, baby, calm down," he told her softly. "I don't expect that just because you're staying over. I'm not some bad dude like everyone says I am." 

Her heart plummeted to her knees. She knew how people in town talked about Eddie. How they all saw him. She also knew that they were all full of shit. None of the people that liked to talk about Eddie really even knew him. She never wanted to make him feel like that. 

"No, baby, I know you're not." 

"Then why are you acting like I'm-" he stopped himself. His eyes fell closed. "Okay, wait, is all this because I told you I was gonna ravage you last weekend?"

She couldn't answer, not trusting her voice in the moment. When she didn't speak he opened his eyes to find her barely nodding her head. He placed his hand on her cheek once again. Her eyes closed as she reached up to wrap her own fingers around the back of his hand, pressing his palm into her cheek. 

"Listen, I definitely do want to do that with you. But like, someday. Not right now. Okay?" 

She opened her eyes again and saw the soft, sweet smile she'd fallen in love with. The one that she was pretty sure nobody but her ever got to see. The one that reminded her of prom night when he'd shown up in his old van to pick her up. The night his hands shook as they slow danced together in the banquet room of a hotel. 

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. 

"I'm okay."

"You sure? 'Cause if you're not, you can go home and I'll call you and tell you about my day just like normal. Promise I won't be mad." 

"I don't want to go home," she whispered as she moved closer to him. "I want to stay and I want to wake up next to you. And I want to go get pancakes in the morning." 

"Yeah?" He asked with a smile. 

"Yeah," she nodded, resting her head against his chest.

"I think we can do that." He whispered, his lips in her hair as he thanked the universe for Faith before planting a soft kiss to the top of her head.

~~~~~

When Wayne got home the next morning he was surprised to see Faith's car parked behind Eddie's van. He checked the clock on the dash. Barely 5 in the morning. He never knew his Eddie to be awake before 10 for any reason other than work, and he obviously wasn't at work.

He was even more confused when he opened the front door to find an empty living room. He toed off his work boots next to her sneakers by the front door and walked down the narrow hallway to the back. He cracked open Eddie's bedroom door just enough to peek his head in. 

The first thing he saw was Faith. She was sleeping soundly, her mouth open just slightly against the pillow as she faced him. Behind her, he saw Eddie. Or rather, Eddie's hair. A mess of dark brown curls behind her head. He noticed Eddie's forearm and hand sticking out from beneath her pillow, the other wrapped around her waist over the blanket. 

He couldn't help but smile to himself as he tried to close the door as quietly as he could. He walked into the living room and began to make up his own bed. He shook his head, a smile still on his face as he laid out the blanket and stole a throw pillow from the couch. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of them being together all night unsupervised. But he did like Faith. He liked that Eddie had finally found a nice girl. Someone to make him happy. As he made himself as comfortable as possible on his fold out bed, he couldn't help but to wonder if anyone had actually given Eddie the talk. He sighed to himself, hoping that it would be less awkward than he thought it would be. 

~~~~~

Feedback is always appreciated! Requests are open! Have a great weekend! 🥰

If you'd like to be tagged in my Stranger Things fics, please let me know. I also have individual tag lists for Steve, Eddie, Robin, Nancy, and Steddie. Requests are open for Eddie and Faith!

Tag List: @redwineanddnicotine @renaissan-vvitch

Eddie Tag List: @littlemiss-yeehaw @protecteddiemunson4vr @tayhar811

[lvxybby]

Music Ties (kurt cobain x fem! reader) (pt5) WARNING: talk of sex, talk of drugs,

the door to the apartment opened to reveal kurt. he was wearing his sonic youth shirt and some torn pants. i wore a sweater with some sage green cargo pants. my makeup was done nicely but not my best. just some eye shadow, eyeliner, foundation and concealer, and a hint of bright red lipstick. "sorry im not looking the best right now" kurt spoke rubbing his neck. "its ok, i know you have a lot of things on your hands anyways" i reassured him. he coughed a bit before moving out of the door frame and letting me in. his apartment was nicely clean and smelled fresh. like a spring morning. "hello" i heard dave's soft voice say. "good afternoon dave" i said waving and smiling. kurt shut the door and walked over to me. "uh ok...fuck what do we do first..." he said avoiding eye contact. "um...i dont know...get to learn more about each other maybe..." i said admiring the room. some of his guitars were on stands or on the wall. it was a very clean apartment. but i couldn't stop thinking of kurt. i couldn't stop thinking of his hands wrapped around my waist and pulling me into a deep kiss. but this was serious. it was work. i had to stay focused even if it seemed impossible. "ok that sounds good..." kurt said giving me a small smile. it was perfect. so pretty. i wanted to kiss him so bad. but i couldn't....i knew i couldn't...were just band mates and friends...nothing more....dave went to the kitchen and made him some lunch before going outside. we were alone. anything could happen. absolutely anything. me and kurt just stared at each other before kurt spoke. "uhm...tell me something about you i guess" the situation couldn't be any more awkward. "ok...i smoke weed..." i spoke fidgeting with my hands. "oh thats cool...may i ask why?" kurt spoke lifting his eyebrows. "well i have really bad anxiety and i overthink a lot of situations...or when i cant get something off of my mind...." i said putting my hands in my pockets. kurt may be a nice, calm, understanding guy but i still wanna look my best as if it was a job interview for a huge million dollar company. i want to seem presentable to him even though hes a laid back guy that doesnt give two shits what you do as long as your ok and not in trouble. i want him to notice me and run his hands up and down my body. i want him to strip me nude and fuck me until i pass out. i want him so so bad. but its not a want. its a need. i need him so bad. i need him to touch me. i snapped out of my short trance when he spoke again. "...same..." he said nodding his head to my statement. "i started when i was 13 or 14..." he continued. "15...." i said looking at him. "feeling a bit better after last night?" i asked "hm? oh yeah....thanks you helped out a lot even if it was just fetching my meds...it hurts so bad....and my back is so much worse...im constantly in pain. and my guitar doesn't help...it weighs so much and when i perform for hours my shoulder hurts and i get really sore...like now...." he said rubbing his shoulder. "awe im sorry..." is said looking at his blue eyes. "scoliosis sucks....i would do anything to have good health....absolutely anything" he said putting his arm by his side again. we talked a bit more and what my position was going to be in the band. soon it started to pour down rain and it was really bad. it was extremely loud, dark, and the roads were super slick. i couldn't drive in it at all if i wanted to. it was late at night. around 10:00. it was pitch black. you couldn't see your own hand in front of your face. "holy shit...thats some bad rain..." kurt said as he looked out his window. "i...i cant drive in that...i'll crash..." i said looking at kurt. "you can stay here for the night...i don't want you driving in that either...too dangerous" he said coming back over to me. i sat on the couch in between dave and kurt, they weren't gonna do anything. they're feminist. "well....wanna watch a movie?" dave asked flipping his long brown hair out of his face. "sure" kurt said before looking at me. i nodded my head in agreement. "sounds good"

[iansolko]

Date: February 10, 1989 Location: Seoul, South Korea Description: Several months after being abandoned, Ian gathers the strength to change from his dark matter form.  But not to a human.

As good as his true form felt, Ian found he did not like being invisible when he was on Earth.  He couldn’t smell or eat tasty food, he couldn’t feel the sun seeping into his skin or hold a falling snowflake in his hand, and worse than all these things: he couldn’t talk to anyone.  In fact, no one could even acknowledge him.  It was almost strange how much lonelier he felt here, than when he was in space with absolutely no one around.  Maybe it was that on Earth, he could clearly see what he was missing.

But there were two very good reasons in their eyes why they hadn’t shifted back into a human in the several months since they were arrested by the police, escaped, and were promptly abandoned by Lenjamin.  The first: living was expensive.  Ian had no job, no marketable skills, and was tired of doing things that made the police angry.  They had no place to sleep, unless they wanted to attempt the warehouse again, which…they had grown to avoid thinking about or going near at all costs.

The second reason: he was terrified to change into a human again.  Of course he could change his appearance the way Lenjamin had shown him…but what if he was somehow caught anyway?  And even if he wasn’t being connected to his past record, he could still be arrested for something new.

It was too much to think about, and yet the ticking in his head told him today was his phasing day, so of course he was thinking about it.

He wandered the Seoul streets in the late afternoon, as he always did now that he didn’t have to eat or sleep any longer.  He listened in on conversations since it was so easy to do so: some school-age children, a couple eating street food, women walking down the street.  Ian picked up the majority of what they were talking about and attempted to decipher the words he was missing in his brain.  Did he have a brain?  It didn’t matter.  He liked to pretend that he was having a conversation back with each of them, in the form of listening deeply to what they had to say, telling the strangers about his day when there was a pause, complimenting them on their cool clothes, telling a joke… in this way, he felt he was actually picking up Korean more fluently than he did trying to talk it through with Len.  Maybe Len would be proud of him for that.  Wherever he was.

The sun was finally setting, and soon Ian would really need to think about whether he was shifting this time around.  The anxiety he felt told him no, and the loneliness told him yes.  This sucked.  Ian decided he was just going to have to wait it out another month until he felt better about the whole thing.  Until he had a game plan to get a job or something, and then he could just make himself look different.  Maybe in the future he could make himself able to run fast or something…

He was jostled from his thoughts at the sound of loud banging behind him.  Ian turned his focus to a small critter digging in some trash.  A cat!  Ian hadn’t come across many of these since being on Earth, and found them incredibly fascinating.  For all the things he found hard about living on Earth, the sheer amount of organisms living on it was something he appreciated.  The cat was obviously not paying any mind to him, and how could it?  He would need a form for the cat to see him…wait.  Could he be a cat?  Len had been very focused on the human thing, but he did mention that they could phase into other species once…

Ian watched the cat for a couple more hours until it was time, studying it to make sure they could get it right.  Then, when the cycle reset in their mind, it felt almost too easy to shift.  They looked down at their all-black paws, lifting one up to appreciate it.  They looked behind them at the unfamiliar appendage--a tail--and flicked it experimentally.  Almost weightless.  This was exciting!  The cat he’d been admiring didn’t seem to want anything to do with him, though--even though it was exhilarating that the cat could see Ian, he could feel the other’s discomfort towards him somehow as it looked at him.

Ian gave the cat a bow, not wanting any trouble, and turned to walk shakily down the street with his new legs, content with this form for now.

[yukiyukina]

ohhh boy, this is gonna be long, sorry y'all

Because, like, some issues that i have aren't even getting diagnosed because my therapist ignores them which is great because who doesn't want to feel like they're dying all the time? and, like, the baseline is that i'm autistic and that was diagnosed, like, last year and now everyone nows that i struggle with... everything? but i still get ignored so yeahhh. and helping with my depression, like the meds are supposed to, isn't working that great either. i'd love to get something against the anxiety, so that my brain stops shouting at me all the time. i don't even know why i'm anxious half the time but it feels like i'm dying 24/7 and when i bring it up in therapy she goes just like "oh well, that's not good, anyways..." and that is so incredibly helpful. the only thing i wanna do is just fucking stop existing but that#s unfortunately not an option either so i'm stuck in this hell. it's so great. and the fucking cherry on top is that i'm too fucking lazy and depressed to do anything. and because i do not understand people i'm so afraid to go outside that i literally can't function, and everything is so fucking loud and it smells so bad everywhere and it just fucking sucks. and everyone i try to go to for help just says that i have to suck it up because that's just life?? like, i don't know if you noticed but i don't wanna do this whole living thing? which is why i'm stuck in therapy now? with someone so concerned about me unaliving myself that she doesn't listen to my other problems? who is also focused on my unhealthy coping mechanisms and how i can't do that anymore because it's bad for me. no shit sherlock, it kinda sounds like that could be the point... and until you tell me how i can fucking function without breaking down very five minutes, i can not promise anything, because when i'm not allowed to just die i have to keep myself alive somehow, right? and it's either one or the other, soooo...

yeah, i'm gonna cut myself off here, but literally no one listens when i try to tell them and the one who does is as unstable as me so i don't wanna be a bigger burden than i am anyways, so just gonna vent here and hope i don't annoy anyone... i'm literally shaking because anxiety is a bitch and doesn't want to allow me to post this because what if it annoys anyone and then it's my fault and because my english is so bad it's gonna be disgusting to read and who would even read this because no one cares and i'm not important anyways.

it's always great when depression and anxiety are battling. who will win? who knows, not me.

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

SKZ DRABBLE-OT8

Having a secondary gender isn't easy on anyone-alpha, beta, omega-they all present unique challenges. But there's something about being a beta-about being a literal buffer, that seems to take more of a toll, and you recognize it in your packmates. Rut? Shitty. Heat? Shitty. Being looked down upon like you're useless and not good for anything? Even more shitty.

Tags: SKZ, Stray Kids, SKZ Drabble, Stray Kids Drabble, OT8, ABO, Alpha Beta Omega Dynamics, SKZ!pack, ot8 x you, ot8 x reader, bang chan, lee minho, seo changbin, hwang hyunjin, lee felix, han jisung, kim seungmin, yang jeongin, SKZ!ABO, SKZ imagines, SKZ reactions, SKZ scenarios, SKZ x you, SKZ x reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: One allusion to non-con but there are no details, bullying, Wooshit appears briefly, but he's the bully/villain (rightfully so) and we don't stan him here

Title: Special

You smell it before you see anything. 

The way your mate’s usual scent-clean laundry, fresh and crisp and bright-sours into something bitter and acrid on your tongue. 

You quickly round the corner, forcing down the urge to sprint because you are still in the campus library, and the waves of fear, anxiety, and distress that literally assault you are enough to tell you all you need to know-that and the fact that Jisung is pressed against the table, backpack thrown messily over his shoulder, as if he were trying to leave in a hurry, face pinched, bottom lip sucked between his teeth. 

The unknown alpha leans toward him with a sneer, holding him in place, and says something in a low voice that you can’t hear, but regardless, you’ve seen everything you needed to. 

You’re across the rest of the space in a flash, hand coming down heavily on his own where it rests on Jisung’s forearm, fingers digging into the skin. 

“I’d rethink absolutely everything you’re doing right now if I were you, starting with your hand on his arm.” 

The man turns to you with a sneer, looking you up and down, but doesn’t release his hold, turning back to Jisung instead of addressing you. 

“Ahhh, are you some bitch’s bitch now, Jisungie? That perfectly tracks honestly.” 

You flex your fingers where they rest on the other alpha’s hand, and he glances to you with a glower, finally releasing the hold he has on Jisung, who shrinks back behind you, fingers looping almost immediately around your wrist. 

The man glances between the two of you, and then the sneer is back, this time, directed at you. 

“I’m surprised an alpha wants someone’s sloppy seconds.” He muses, a dark glint in his eye, lips twitching. “Let alone a useless beta-nothing like him.” 

Everything inside of you coils at once, and your wolf is growling, long and low and dangerous behind snapping teeth. 

“Knock it off, Woojin.” Jisung mutters behind you, and then to you, tugging on your wrist, “Let’s just go, (Y/N).” 

The other alpha smirks, crossing his arms over his chest, and his gaze flicks back to Jisung, his eyebrow arching smugly into his hairline. 

‘ “You know you’re never gonna find anyone to treat you better than me, Sungie. Not when you’re you.” An audible growl escapes from you now, and the library is filling with the scent of frost. 

His smirk only grows wider at your obvious anger and Jisung pulls you harder this time, tugging enough to get you to take a few steps toward the door. 

“Please, (Y/N), let’s just go. He’s not worth it.” 

You relent, letting Jisung pull you further away from the other alpha, and you’re almost convinced to leave, almost ready to give in to him fully, almost out the door-

But then Woojin calls out after the two of you in a gleeful voice, loud enough for everyone in the library to hear-

“He’s always been such a good little beta for alpha. But I’m sure you’ve already found that out, haven’t you? Because even when his mouth was begging me no, his body always told me yes.” 

Jisung freezes in front of you, and suddenly, your vision is blurred by white, hot rage, and ripping your wrist from Jisung’s grasp, you whirl around and punch the other alpha, hard, right in the middle of his stupid, smirking face. 

You feel cartilage and bone crunch beneath your knuckles as your fist lands firmly on his nose, and the  hit instantly has blood gushing down his chin, dripping onto the front of his shirt.

Behind you, you hear Jisung gasp. 

Woojin stumbles back a few steps with the force of the punch, his hand flying to his still gushing nose, eyes wide, jaw slack, and you can’t help it, your wolf preens in triumph over the sight of the crimson blood staining the front of his white shirt. 

“What the hell-?”

The smell of icy wisteria petals is almost overwhelming now as you casually shrug and drop your hand back to your side once more, staring the other alpha down. 

“Sorry, but I guess your body was just telling me yes.” 

He narrows his eyes above his hand as you parrot his disgusting words from earlier, blood still slowly dripping down his chin, and you think he’s almost going to stand his ground, but then there’s a stronger wave of chill in the air, and he backs down with a glare, before he turns and leaves, metaphorical tail between his legs. 

You watch him go until he’s out of sight, eyes boring into his back, and then without another backward glance, you turn and grab Jisung’s wrist, pulling him down the stairs behind you. 

“What-” 

You ignore his shocked, unfinished question, tugging him out of the library, as he stumbles over his own feet, trying to keep up with your determined pace. 

When your wolf feels that you’ve put enough space between the library-the other alpha-and the two of you, you drop your hold on his wrist and Jisung collapses back against the nearest wall, gasping dramatically and putting his hand over his heart. 

“God, I need you guys to remember that not all of us were blessed with your alpha stamina.” 

His voice is a teasing whine, but you can tell by the way his scent isn’t quite back to normal, can tell by the slightly soured tint to the clean laundry, that he’s still shook up over what just happened. 

Your wolf is telling you to do something, to scent, to mark, to claim, but you can’t do that right now, so instead, you do the next best things, and cage him against the wall with your arms. 

Jisung startles, looking up at you with wide dark eyes, caught off guard, and you hold his gaze, not letting him look away. 

“He had no right to say any of that shit to you.” Your wolf growls, and you can feel the way the rage is making every muscle in your body taut, hot, ready. 

Jisung swallows hard, and nods, the tiniest gesture. 

“Jisung.” He looks away, ducking his head, but you reach up and catch  his chin in your fingers, forcing him to look at you again, his vision slowly glazing over with unshed tears. 

“Yeah. I know.” 

It’s not good enough. None of it is good enough. You’re not good enough. 

“Listen, that asshole. Your ex-?”

Jisung gives the tiniest of nods and you fight off another wave of anger. 

“Those are just absolute lies that he’s told himself, disgusting ideas that he’s forced himself to believe, so he doesn’t have to deal with the stupidity of losing someone as incredible as you.” 

Jisung sniffs, and reaches up to swipe at his nose with the back of his hand, sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth. 

You doggedly continue on. 

“Promise me. Promise me, if you ever, ever feel like you’re not enough, or if we’re not doing enough to make you see how truly special you really are, god, Jisungie, promise you’ll tell me, and I’ll make sure we work even harder until we get it right.” 

Jisung sniffles. 

“You do enough, alpha. I promise.” 

You let out the breath you’ve been holding and reach up to swipe at the one stray tear that has broken through his lash line, and he gives you the hint of a wobbly smile. 

“Listen.” You return the smile, though it’s small and doesn’t quite feel right. “You can cry, okay? But just give me a heads up first, alright? Cause I might need to distance myself so that I don’t do something stupid I’ll regret.” 

Jisung grins now, and it reaches his eyes, and soothes your wolf just a bit. 

“Alpha a little riled?” 

You sigh and reach up to brush back a lock of his hair. 

“More than a little.” You feel the hot rage back in your stomach, as you think back to the library and the possessiveness of your wolf once again raises its head at the thought. “I swear to god, I’d go back right now and hunt that son of a bitch down, just to tear him limb from limb, and I’d take my time too, slowly, so that I could enjoy every minute of it.” 

Jisung huffs and covers his face with his hands, and then he groans out, “God, why is it so hot when you or the hyungs go into alpha protective mode?” 

“Biology.” You laugh and reach up to tug his hands down, away from his face, and your wolf turns happy circles at the slight dusting of pink on his cheeks. “And you’re probably just whipped, honestly.” 

Jisung groans again and tries to cover his face in embarrassment once more, but you tangle your fingers with his so he can’t and press a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. 

The smell of laundry is back-clean, sharp, fresh-and there’s not a hint of the tainted sourness from before in sight. 

“C’mon baby, let’s go home. ******

“Hey, we’re home!” 

Jisung pushes in through the apartment door and drops his hold on your hand, kicking off his sneakers as Minho appears in the doorway to the kitchen, one brow raised. 

“Did you actually study?” The older alpha asks, looking clearly skeptical. 

“Yes!” Jisung pouts, sticking his tongue out at the other man, before Minho leaps forward and ruffles his hair. 

Jisung jumps back behind you for protection, and Chan appears in the doorway behind Minho, resting his chin on the other alpha’s shoulder as he offers the two of you a fond smile. 

“Good timing, dinner’s almost ready.” 

“Thank god.” Jisung whines, dodging another swipe from Minho. “I’m starving.” 

Felix pops up behind the alphas, grin so bright and big that it makes his eyes almost disappear and his freckles crinkle into one. 

“And I made cookies!” 

You offhandedly wonder how many members of your pack the tiny clown car kitchen can hold at one time. 

Jisung groans and shoots a grateful look to the other boy. 

“Lix, you are seriously my hero.” He exclaims, before something uncertain comes across his expression. “I think I’m gonna shower first though. The library-” 

He stumbles over his next words, large dark and suddenly worried and you jump in to save him with a hand on his shoulder. 

“-is kind of a lot.” You finish helpfully, and Jisung looks to you with relief in his large, dark eyes. 

Your scent rots slightly as your mind slips back to the events of the day, like flowers wilting in the too hot heat of the midday sun, and Minho shoots you a pointed look, one brow raised, but thankfully, his expression remains as schooled and blank as ever. 

Jisung nods a little bit more animatedly than usual. “Yeah, yeah. And I just wanna smell like me after a long day.” 

Felix slips out from behind the two older and throws his arm around Jisung, already tugging him in the direction of the bathroom. 

“I’ll come with you!” 

It’s an unspoken rule that if any of the members of the pack are home, you never showers alone. 

You watch them go, waiting till you hear the sound of the door click before you lean back against the wall and let out the breath you have been holding. 

Minho pounces immediately. 

“Did something happen?” 

“What?” You glance up at him and try to play dumb, though you know by the look on his face that he’s not buying it, especially with the smell of cold frost starting to stagnate in the air. 

Chan lets out a growl and steps out from behind Minho, his head alpha instantly raising its head. 

“What happened?” 

And maybe it’s because they’re backing you into a corner, or maybe you’re still on edge from dealing with everything from earlier, maybe it’s the heavy weight of the rage still boiling in your stomach, or maybe it’s the fact that Jisung cried-

But whatever it is, Chan’s pointed question is the last thing to tip it over the edge, and suddenly your temper is snapping-quick, fast, unexpected. 

“Nothing happened okay? I handled it and everything is fine. God, you two act like I can’t protect our mates as well as you can, but I’m an alpha too you know!”

You have never, ever yelled at anyone in the pack before, but it’s too much, and your knuckles are stinging now, tucked away into the fabric of your pants, and all you can smell is Jisung’s scent from earlier-all wrong in so many different ways-and your wolf is snarling and snapping and begging for a fight because everything is all wrong.

Minho’s expression has instantly hardened at your explosion, dark eyes going steely as he stares you down. 

“Show your head alpha some respect.” 

You see the way his lips lift, can practically see the wolf in his slightly bared teeth, but you can’t seem to stop yourself, because everything is spiraling out of control, and you’re being dragged down with it. 

So you step toe to toe with Minho and hold his gaze. 

“No offense, Minho? But I don’t give a shit right now about disrespect. You’re calling into question my ability to keep our mates safe and you and I both know that’s absolute bullshit.” 

A low snarl starts in the back of Minho’s throat, and an answering one builds behind your clenched teeth. 

A wave of harsh amber mixes with the potent smell of decaying flowers that fills the air. 

Chan, ever the level headed, steps between the two of you, a palm flat against either of your chests, and his eyes are golden lava now, swirling and dangerous and serious, head alpha on full display.

“Okay, seriously? Knock it off.” 

You glare at Minho for another brief second and then draw in a breath through your teeth before looking away, stepping back from Chan’s restraining hand as you do so, because the feel of someone touching you right now is just bringing back the crunch of that dick’s nose beneath your knuckles, and it’s doing nothing to assuage your anger. 

“Now.” Chan glances over at you, but you don’t meet his gaze,  your aching hand balling into a fist in the unseen safety of your pocket. “Let’s try this again. Like people this time.” 

Minho takes in a deep calming breath and forcibly relaxes his shoulders, stepping back to lean against the opposite wall of the hallway, as far away from you as he can get in the cramped space of the entry. 

When he doesn’t say anything, you don’t either, because you’re sure as hell not apologizing first, or even at all. 

Chan sighs-long and tired-and a wave of rain dampened earth washes over you. 

You know what he’s doing, and it’s not going to work. 

“(Y/N).” 

Chan says your name, and when you glance up at him, he raises a brow at you, as if to show you he’s waiting. 

“Did something happen at the library?” 

You grit your teeth. “Yes. But I took care of it.” 

Another sigh. 

“What happened?” 

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

Minho snorts under his breath and mumbles out, loud enough for you to hear, “You really don’t have a choice.” 

The anger flares up again and you have a brief image of sinking your teeth into his throat, if only to shut him up. 

“Oh piss off, Minho.” 

He raises a slender brow in your direction, and his lips quirk into the hint of the start of a humorless smirk. 

“I’d really like to see you try to make me, sweetheart.” 

If he’s trying to get under your skin, the use of the familiar pet name said so coldly does the trick, grating across your ears and only adding fuel to the fire. 

Chan looks like he’s ready to physically jump between the two of you again, ready to hold you back should you start throwing punches, but your hand is already throbbing and you’ve swung enough today, so instead, you step back, away from Minho’s smug look, away from Chan’s weary one, and turn on your heel without a backward glance at either of them. 

“I’m going to bed.” 

The apartment smells like an entire field of blooms has just died and nothing is left except for the decaying, sharp reminder of the beauty that once was. 

****

“Shit.” You curse beneath your breath as the bandage once again unravels for what feels like the millionth time, curling on the bathroom floor at your feet. 

Hot, angry tears are threatening, and they only serve to make you more furious at yourself. 

The sound of the door opening and the wave of cardamom that accompanies it has you swearing between gritted teeth again, reaching down for the bandage, not even deigning to look up. 

“Seriously, Minho?” You seethe hotly between your teeth, movements jerky, as you try to wrap your knuckles once more, unsuccessfully. “I’m not in the mood.” 

You don’t know why he’s here and you don’t care. 

“God!” You huff out angrily, throwing the bandage down now, clenching your hands into fists, ignoring the urge to wince as your raw knuckles pulse painfully with the sudden movement. 

Minho catches you off guard by crouching at your feet, and picking up the discarded length of wrap, he grasps your injured hand between long fingers, and without a word, begins to expertly wind the flexible fabric around your knuckles. 

He stays silent for a moment, eyes following what he’s doing, purposefully ignoring the split, red of your skin, the dark purple of the already forming bruises, and you don’t owe him an explanation, don’t owe him anything, but the silence is stifling and the smell of amber is overwhelming and-

“I punched a guy.” 

You don’t know why you blurt it out, don’t know why you’re telling him, but saying it out loud reduces the weight on your chest, calms the anger still licking at the walls of your stomach, if only a little. 

Minho hums under his breath in acknowledgement, but doesn’t say anything else, not until he’s secured the tightly wound wrap at the base of your wrist, and then he looks up at you, and there’s slight amusement hidden in the dark recesses of his irises, and you don’t know how to take it. 

“That was incredibly stupid of you.”

You scoff and look at nothing in particular, the ceiling maybe. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

When he doesn’t immediately reply, you remove your hand from his hold, stretching and flexing the fingers, and you hate to admit it, but he’s done a pretty damn good job. 

Minho is silent for another brief moment, and then he simply gets right to the point, and you wouldn’t expect anything else from him honestly. 

“Why’d you punch him?” 

You hesitate, and then sigh, staring past him to a point on the closed bathroom door, and a strong, blast of icy frost cools the air, like drinking too cold water after stupidly chewing a spearmint. 

“He said some things. About Jisung.” 

You don’t look at him, instead, now watching the way the newly applied bandage moves with your fingers as you curl and uncurl them, over and over, where they rest in your lap. 

The cardamom spikes now, so strong and spicy that it makes your eyes water, or maybe that’s just the tears you’ve held back for too long, finally trying to fight their way out. 

“What did he say?” Minho’s voice is a dangerously calm murmur in the back of his throat, like the moment of respite before the storm, and your wolf whines under the sudden fury of his own. 

You get it. You feel the same way, are fighting the same white hot urge, to do something, anything, even if it just means putting your fist through a wall in an unproductive outlet for the blinding rage. 

“I’m not-” You shake your head, and you’re biting your lip so hard, trying to stay so desperately in control, that you taste the salty copper of your own blood start to leak into your mouth. “That’s up to Jisung, if he wants to tell you. To tell anyone. But just trust me, okay, when I say that every word that fell from that bastard’s lips were disgusting, selfish lies only meant to cause pain. And they did. And I couldn’t not do something, Minho.” 

Minho seems to fight with himself, whether to push you any further, but in the end, he seems to respect your decision, giving a terse nod that you catch from the corner of your eye, and then he sits back on his heels, letting out a long, barely controlled breath. 

When you finally allow yourself to look at him, the swirling gold in his irises is only barely starting to die down, and his lips are pressed into a thin, hard line, hinting at the only just restrained anger beneath his blank mask. 

“So he deserved it then. The punch, I mean.” 

You answer without hesitation, sudden confident fire behind your eyes. 

“Absolutely.” 

You expect Minho to nod, to leave, now that he’s gotten the answers he’s came for, but instead, he surprises you, leaning over to awkwardly pat the top of your head, as if he’s giving affection to a beloved pet dog. 

“Good girl.” 

You can’t help the slight purr your wolf lets out at the clear action of approval, although human you immediately shoots him a glare and smacks his hand away from you without any real malice. 

“Don’t pet me like a dog.” 

Something amused lights up Minho’s eyes at your words, and a slight smirk creases his full upper lip. 

“C’mon. Think hard about that choice of words, sweetheart.” 

You stick your tongue out at him and he rolls his eyes, but you’re glad to feel the tension between the two of you finally start to dissipate. 

His next words appear to physically pain him as he once again catches you completely off guard. 

“I’m sorry. For what I said earlier.” 

You stare at him, not quite sure you’ve heard right, and then close your mouth, before you glance away from him and mutter out beneath your breath, “It’s fine. I’m sorry too.” Neither of you are very good with apologies. 

Finally, Minho clears his throat, and speaks into the awkward silence. 

“How mad do you think Chan would be if the two of us just happened to run into this asshole and accidentally break a few of his limbs?” 

You bite back a smile and pretend to regard him seriously. 

“Absolutely furious. He’d totally kill us.” 

The slight smile is back on Minho’s lips as he raises an eyebrow, returning your gaze in a silent question. 

“But it’d be worth it right?” 

You grin now. 

“Totally worth it.” 

*****

Now that you and Minho have made up, you rejoin the rest of the pack for movie night. 

As you’re waiting for the omegas to pick a movie, Changbin settles into the empty space on the couch next to you, and grunts out beneath his breath, “Heard you and Minho got into it earlier.” 

You sigh and Changbin shrugs, throwing an arm around your shoulders, as if he’s anticipating you feeling guilty, though you don’t in the slightest. 

“Hey, listen. I get it. There’s very few times when Minho speaks that I don’t want to actually punch him in the face.” 

You laugh then and Changbin grins, and the tension once again dissipates. 

The omegas finally settle on some romantic comedy that you’ve all seen a hundred times-”but it’s a classic” whines Felix-and everyone settles down in their spots on the couch and on the floor, munching on popcorn and various other snacks, just enjoying each other’s company. 

It’s not until Felix starts playing with your fingers between his own that anyone besides Minho notices the cloth wrapped around your knuckles. 

“Noona, what happened?” Felix gasps over the sounds of the movie, unwittingly drawing the attention of everyone else in the room. 

Chan’s eyes darken noticeably as he seems to glance at your hand for the first time, and Minho sighs heavily from beside him, shooting you a pointed look as if to say see we knew this would happen. 

You hurry to comfort Felix before Chan’s head alpha, and anyone else, can get too worked up. 

“It’s nothing, Lixie.” You assure him, reaching out to pat his head, before you squeeze his cheek between your fingers, as the worried look in his wide dark eyes, reflected in the light from the tv screen, slowly starts to fade in the face of your calming scent. “I just hurt myself at the gym. That’s all.” 

Minho shoots you another look, this one saying something along the lines of wow, really good lie, no one’s gonna see through that one dumbass, but you ignore him, offering the omega as bright a smile as you can muster as Chan seems to take a deep breath and force himself to relax. 

You see Jisung shift uncomfortably out of the corner of your eye where he sits beside Hyunjin, and your wolf whines, attention focused solely on the beta. 

“We can tell you’re lying by your scent, you know.” Hyunjin remarks offhandedly, bored already with the movie, not looking up from surfing his phone. 

Jisung looks close to crying now, and you find yourself growing agitated, all the emotions from before being brought to the forefront once more, and as the smell of detergent bitters, the decay of wilting flowers grows almost overpowering in response. 

“Just drop it, would you?” You snap at Hyunjin without thinking, and suddenly, several pairs of wide, shocked eyes are locked on you. 

You flex your fingers and the raw stinging pain it creates in your knuckles is enough to ground you, as you take in a long breath through your teeth. 

“I’m sorry, I just-” 

“It’s my fault.” 

Every pair of eyes in the room now turns to Jisung, looking tiny and forlorn in the middle of the couch, visibly curling into himself, tears pooling in the corners of his large, dark eyes. 

He bites his lip and doesn’t look at any of you, and your wolf is whimpering, but you don’t make any sort of movement toward him, just breathe out, “No, Sungie, it’s fine-” 

“She got into a fight.” Jisung looks at Chan now, who is on high alert, every muscle in his body tense. “Because of me. I’m sorry, hyung.” 

Chan stares at the withering beta for another long moment, and then he’s whirling on you, eyes flashing an angry copper. 

“You got into a fight?” 

His words are quiet, eerily calm, but you can see the barely withheld fury just beneath his expressionless mask. 

You bristle under his stare, and for the second time today, feel at odds with the other alpha. 

“Yeah but-” 

Chan cuts you off with a snarl, and the rest of the pack members are so quiet you could hear a pin drop. 

“Did you even consider the consequences? Consider that you could be putting Jisung-a beta and our mate-in serious danger?”

It’s all so unfair, so misconstrued, and your heart is suddenly loud, angry, in your ears, blood pounding furiously beneath your skin, and every inch of you is focused not on the angry alpha before you, but Jisung, sinking further and further into the couch as the argument progresses, trying to disappear. . 

“No, but that’s-” 

Chan surges to his feet, and you know you should be cowed, know you should back down, but you can’t, because you’re tired and angry and altogether feeling a little bit too protective right now, and so you stand to meet him, right there in the middle of the living room, movie forgotten. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” 

“It was one punch!” You snap back, matching his step toward you, so close now that your noses are almost brushing. “And I was thinking about Jisung that’s why I-” 

“I can’t believe you-” 

“Would you let me finish?” 

It’s the second time today, once again, that you’ve raised your voice at Chan, at any member of the pack, and it goes over about as well as you’d expect, the head alpha’s eyes flashing dangerously, his lips pressing into a thin line. 

Behind him, Minho rises from the couch and puts a careful hand on his shoulder. 

“Chan-”

The air is so heavy with incoming thunder clouds that it’s hard to breathe.  

Chan shakes him off roughly, still staring you down, but he doesn’t speak over you again, so you take the brief opportunity to surge forward. 

“If you would just listen to me, I could explain everything, but you’re so worried about your big, scary head alpha ego that I can’t get a word in edgewise!” 

Chan’s lips pull up into the start of a snarl, and a low growl rumbles from his throat, but you don’t back down, holding his glare with one of your own. 

Changbin is up beside you now too, and you can tell he’s poised to jump in if this physically comes to blows judging by the look he gives Minho across the two of you. 

“Watch your tone.” 

You scoff, and you know it’s a bad move, but you can’t help yourself. 

“Then watch yours, alpha.” 

You’re both menacingly in the other’s space, and you’re clenching your fingers so tightly that your knuckles are screaming in protest, but the pain keeps you on edge, alert, as you stare down the other alpha. 

The room is drowning in damp and frost, violently at odds. 

“Stop, will you just stop!” 

All eyes turn to Jisung, up from the couch now, hands clenched into fists, tear stained cheeks hot and red, bottom lip quivering as he stares at the two of you. 

Chan sighs and reaches out a hand toward the obviously upset beta. 

“Jisung-” 

“No!” He shakes his head violently, obviously catching himself, and Chan, off guard with his forceful denial. “No.” He repeats again, softer this time, tears dripping once more. “This was all my fault, okay? So stop blaming her. And blame me instead.” 

Your wolf balks at the idea instantly, snarling and snapping. 

“Jisung-” You try, voice soft and careful, taking a cautious step away from Chan and toward the beta, who looks dangerously close to fleeing the room. 

He shakes his head once more, and rips his hand out of Hyunjin’s grasp, desperately trying to keep him in place, and takes a faltering step toward the door. 

“No. He was right, okay? I can’t do anything right. I’m useless. And I’m sorry. I’m so-” 

His words are cut off by a choked sob, and he turns and flees the living room. 

Chan moves to go after him, and it has your wolf snarling, turning on him in an instant, fangs bared and dangerous possessive gold swirling beneath your irises. 

“Don’t.” You warn in a low, oddly calm voice, and for once, he listens to you, immediately stopping in his tracks at the strong wave of frosted pine that rolls off of you. “I think you’ve done enough.” 

He opens his mouth, and the anger is gone from his face, replaced by exhaustion, but you don’t let him speak, whirling on your heel without another glance and following Jisung out of the living room, away from the rest of the pack. 

******

You’re not surprised to see Jisung curled up in the middle of the betas’ shared bed, hidden under the fabric of the comforter, but you are slightly surprised that he doesn’t even try to fight you when you slide in next to him and pull him into your arms. 

He probably recognized you from your scent the moment you walked through the door but still. 

You don’t say anything for a minute, listening to the muted sound of his sniffles, hands rubbing absently, comfortingly over the fabric of his hoodie that covers his stomach, and finally, he whispers out, “I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you still apologizing?” You question seriously, nosing against the bare skin at the juncture where his neck meets his shoulder, feeling the way he trembles and shrinks into you as you brush comfortingly against his scent gland. 

“Because.” He sighs, the sound shuddering off at the end, and he sounds so tired, it makes your heart ache and your wolf whine pitifully. “You got hurt, and I made you and hyung fight-” 

“You didn’t make us do anything.” You interrupt firmly, reaching up to stroke back damp dark hair from the skin of his forehead with the palm of your hand. “Chan and I are both adults who make our own decisions. We were at odds, yes, but it truthfully had nothing to do with you. Maybe that was the trigger, but it wasn’t the end. Sometimes alphas just get a little bit too protective for their own good. We’ll make up eventually. We always do.” 

Jisung sniffs and reaches up to wipe at his nose with the back of his hand, bottom lip sucked between his teeth. 

You reach up and carefully free the plump skin with the pad of your thumb, before cupping his chin and angling his head to meet your gaze. 

“Promise me something.” 

Jisung swallows as your scent spikes, wisteria blooming in the space between the two of you. 

“Okay.” 

You run a finger along the line of his jaw, then across the arch of his cheekbones, down the sloped tip of his nose, tracing the outline of his full, pink lips. 

“Promise me, that you won’t ever give that son of a bitch-or the completely untruthful things he said-another thought.” 

Jisung is silent, chewing on his bottom lip again beneath your stern gaze, and after a few moments of saying nothing, you smile halfheartedly and tap him under the chin, a wordless plea to look at you again. 

He does so reluctantly, and you cock your head, looking at him curiously. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, baby?” 

Jisung sighs and buries his head in the safety of your chest, and instead of trying to dig him back out, you simply begin to card your fingers through his hair, soft ebony locks like silk between your fingers. 

“What if he’s right though?” 

“He’s not.” You reply without room for arguement and Jisung whines, low and sad in his throat, and your wolf is begging you to do something. 

“Jisung.” 

You use your alpha voice when you say his name, and it instantly has him looking up at you, eyes wide and pupils dark. 

You soften your tone, reaching up to thumb gently at the corner of his mouth. 

“You and I both know he’s not. You are a vital member of this pack, and we would be incomplete without you.” 

“Stop chewing on your lip.” You laugh gently and free the poor, reddening skin from between the beta’s teeth once more. 

“Sorry.” 

“And stop apologizing.” You tease lightly, reaching up to boop the tip of his nose with your finger, and you’re pleased to see the corner of his mouth tick, as if he’s thinking about smiling. 

The door creaks open, and Minho appears, shutting it quietly, before leaning back against the solid wood and blowing out a long low whistle from between his teeth. 

“Shit. I’ve never seen Chan that angry before.” 

You roll your eyes at the other alpha’s name and don’t look at the newcomer, instead, burying your nose into Jisung’s hair, breathing in the ever clearing scent of clean laundry. 

“Yeah, well.” 

Minho appears at the edge of the bed, and there is a slightly proud smirk on his lips ashe regards you. 

“I’ve also never seen him back down that quickly.” 

You grin into Jisung’s hair and repeat again, smugly this time, with a slight shrug, “Yeah, well.” 

“Hyung.” Jisung whines from within your arms, making grabby hands at the other alpha, and though Minho sighs heavily and rolls his eyes, he slides into the bed with the two of you without any protest, sandwiching Jisung’s other side. 

You meet his gaze over the top of the beta’s head, and raise a brow at him. 

“What?” 

Minho shakes his head. “Nothing. I’m just still impressed.” 

You flash him a smirk. “Ah, don’t be intimidated, baby.” 

Minho rolls his eyes again, so hard you’re afraid they’re going to fall out, and flashes you the bird behind Jisung’s head. 

“Yeah, whatever, sweetheart. If you ever tell anyone I admitted that, I’ll gut you like a fish.” 

“I could be into that.” 

Jisung stirs between the two of you and glances up from beneath dark bangs, eyes wide and doe like, rimmed by long, black lashes. 

Your wolf purrs at the sight. 

“Weird. But also.” He glances at Minho now, lips slightly parted. “Hyung, did you patch up her hand?” 

“Hey.” You protest, tickling his side lightly until he jerks his hips away from you slightly in an effort to get out of reach. You pull him right back. “How do you know I didn’t do it myself?” 

Jisung audibly scoffs. “Please. I’ve seen Changbin-hyung put on your bandaids for you. You’re not fooling anyone.” You gasp dramatically and look across at Minho with a stare that clearly says can you believe this punk?, but he only raises a brow in return, as if to say, I absolutely can. 

“Yes, I bandaged her knuckles.” He glances back to you. “You’re welcome by the way.” 

You stick your tongue out at him and he leans across Jisung to try and grab it and rip it from between your teeth. 

Luckily, you’re quick enough to escape the very obvious attack. 

You glance down at Jisung, and he seems sleepy, comforted by the cocktail of you and Minho’s scents. 

“Feeling better, Sungie?” You ask, running your fingers up and down his throat, carefully tracing his scent glands. 

“Mmhmm.” He hums out, and then he cracks an eye open and glances up at you. “You’re gonna make up with Chan-hyung right?” 

You sigh and Minhos hides an amused smirk in the edge of Jisung’s hair as you glare over at him before turning back to the beta. 

“Yeah. Eventually.” You admit, not quite sure what else he wants from you right now. 

“Good.” It seems to placate him, because Jisung nods and closes his eyes again, snuggling into your warmth. “I don’t like when my alphas fight.” 

Minho snorts from his other side. “Yeah, and apparently, one of us isn’t very good at it, because no one with correct form would mark their knuckles up that badly from one punch.” 

“Sorry, Jisung baby.” You say, cracking said knuckles as you look across to the smug Minho with a hot glare. “Looks like the alphas are going to be fighting a little bit longer because I suddenly have to kick Minho’s ass.” 

Minho’s smirk only grows. “I’d love to see you try, sweetheart. Now that I’ve seen the way you fight, I’m not all that terrified.” 

Jisung laughs between the two of you-high and clear and so intrinsically Jisung-and everything feels right again. 

Your wolf relaxes for the first time since that morning as the air is finally filled with the clear, undeniable scent of freshly done laundry.

[eddieexcellence]

SOUR CANDY

part v: accomplice or hostage

E. Munson x fem!reader

Synopsis: back in Hawkins for spring break, the reader is back from college. She gets sucked into the madness again for the fourth time with her best friend and younger friends. Plus an unexpected and unwelcome face.

Type: fixit fic, angst/comfort, enemies to lovers trope

Warnings: anxiety attacks, cursing, let me know if I miss anything??

Words: 3k

Author's note: sorry for the delay!! It’s been a busy month for me, and I haven’t had much time to myself!! I hope you guys enjoy!! I’m not too confident about this part, feels kinda cut off but I didn’t want to keep you guys waiting, but the next part has more of this scene?? Like I said in my last update, I’ve been working on the other parts as well!! Hopefully you guys like!!

You were fidgeting with your fingers sitting next to Eddie as he anxiously kept glancing out the window at whoever. The sun was now almost set and it was dark in the boathouse.

“Please tell me who’s looking for you right now!” You pleaded. He still hadn’t told you who his angry mob was, it had to be at least over an hour since they first arrived.

“It’s the assholes you and Harrington would associate with.” Eddie still kept his eyes out the window, making sure you two would be safe.

He was mad you were here, and had been dragged into this. Of all the times he could’ve been inconveniently stuck with you— it was now. You seemed to always be there to press the salt into his wounds, you always made sure of it even if it wasn’t the best time. His sanity was hating it. He wished you two had not taken so long bickering while taking a nostalgic break. If you hadn’t you wouldn't be in this mess, and it would just be him. He wouldn’t feel your shoulder pressed up to his, and your warmth radiating through his leather jacket. The smell of your shampoo and perfume wouldn’t be invading his senses causing him to involuntarily take deep breaths as if the scent was anchoring him, a much more pleasant smell than the stale stagnant fishy odor of the boathouse. Jason Carver and his cronies were only a mere 100 feet from you with crowbars and who knows what, out to get him, and he was too busy paying attention to the notes of your perfume and the pressure of your arm against his to almost not notice the danger.

You on the other hand were trying to think of a plan. “Maybe I can talk to them, distract them? My cars down the road I have weapons, another walkie, I’m sure there’s a blanket in the trunk as well. You can hide until I can get back?” You brainstormed out loud, trying to remain positive.

Not wishing Eddie any ill will, also how would you bug him and pick on him if he was beaten to death or in jail? You were the charismatic babysitter, you managed to weasel into Eddie’s trailer, and get you and your friends out of tons of messes before with your cute smile and bat of your lashes; what was so different about this? Maybe you could avert their attention from their manhunt and get Eddie out of the boathouse to your car til you were able to leave inconspicuously? Sounded thorough enough.

Eddie looked over at you, “first off, Babysitter has illegal weapons in her car? How the hell do you get any gigs?”

An annoyed look crossed your features as you rubbed your temples. “Key word illegal, Munson. Second off add secret in there. So when you get out of here keep it that way.”

He then had a grim expression, a frown setting on his full lips. “I hate to break it to you Princess, when they realize you’re protecting me you’re going to be exiled to the island of misfit toys too.” He quickly looked back up through the window before ducking down again. “Or maybe they’ll be convinced you're my next victim. First the cheerleader, then the journalism nerd, next the goody two shoes babysitter?”

You stilled, though sarcastic he had a point. Either way, you with him didn't look good for you or him. You were now an accomplice or hostage, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh my god,” you breathlessly said in between nervous laughter. That was the funniest thing you heard all day. “Oh my god.” You repeated laughing louder, Eddie looked at you like you lost your mind, his frown now a scowl.

Eddie rolled his eyes, clicking on the walkie talkie in his hand. “Dustin, please? Are you there?” He looked beside him at you, silencing your nervous giggles. “Your babysitter, it’s broken.” He added with a sigh.

As you calmed down, you realized how much trouble you two were in. How you were stuck with a man that annoyed the daylights out of you, while being hunted by people you never wanted to associate yourself with after high school. Whenever you were out of this mess, you never wanted to be in this close of proximity to Eddie ever again.

You grabbed the walkie out of Eddie’s grasp. “I swear to everything, we are screwed! So screwed and I’m stuck here! With Munson, that in itself is fucked up! We need help!” You were frantic as you quietly shouted into the walkie.

Eddie then swatted your arm lightly holding his finger to his lip before grabbing the walkie from you.

“Uhm, never mind.” He said into the machine before setting it aside. Shouting could be heard from outside, you and Eddie looked at each other both of your eyes wide. He glanced at the boat. “Let’s go,” he said, walking over and starting to untie the small vessel.

“What the hell are we doing?!” You whisper shouted. He held out his hand, motioning to step inside the boat.

“The one thing I do best, run.” His tone wavered, and he sounded defeated. It’s all he’s been able to do so far, run away from the problem. If you were by yourself and knew nothing you would’ve as well. You hesitatingly walked towards him and the row boat. “If we stay low and get far out enough maybe they won’t notice?”

You gulped and nodded, what did you have to lose at this point? You took his rough calloused hand that seemed to swallow yours in size, both of your palms clammy as you climbed over and took a seat. He got in, pushing the boat out so you two could start rowing.

“Keep your head down,” he instructed as you two got out of the boathouse. Rowing in sync as fast as you could as you two went out into the middle of the lake under the pale moonlight.

“First running, now rowing. Who knew I’d need to do so much athletic activity out of high school?” You quietly mumbled mainly to yourself, but the man with the dark curly long hair next to you that kept blowing in your face, snorted.

“Yeah, as much as I enjoyed your cheerleader phase, my personal favorite is when you tried out for volleyball.” Eddie chortled remembering your valiant efforts at being athletic to fit in with Steve and your jock friends. You paused rowing for a minute. Eddie looked at you, “what are you doing?”

“You paid attention to all of that?” You asked in awe.

“Uh yeah, seeing you make a fool of yourself was the highlight of my days when I was selling to all the jocks under the bleachers.” He said it like it was obvious. Though watching you bounce around in the cheerleading uniform was a sight to see. Not to mention seeing you take a couple volleyballs to the noggin in the not so modest uniform was quite amusing. You weren't the most poised or graced girl on the team, you were one of the cutest he would give you that. He wouldn’t say that out loud. He’d take those thoughts to the grave before ever letting anyone hear thar.

“Can we get back to rowing now?” He started rowing himself.

You shook off the hurt you felt, of course it was for that reason, and nothing else. You didn’t know what else you expected. Definitely not him watching you because he might’ve missed you or to feel any other way than spite or happiness to watch you make a fool of yourself.

“Hey freak!” Someone yelled from the shore. “Where do you think you’re going?” You turned to see Jason Carver, and another one of his cronies behind him. “Holy shit, are you getting ready to sacrifice someone else?!” He yelled from the shore starting to strip out of his suit.

“Shit,” Eddie got up, trying to start the motor of the small row boat. “C’mon you piece of shit!” He got frustrated. You tried to keep rowing going back and forth between each side. The engine would sputter but not turn over. “C’mon you gotta help me out here, man!” He told it. He tried a couple more times with profanities cursing at it. “Nope? All right. Okay.” Before he grabbed his oar and helped you row.

“Maybe if you talked to it more nicely.” You jeered at him.

Even when his angry mob swam to get to him, you had to make a comment. “Whose side are you on, Y/l/n?” He yelled, his nostrils flared slightly. Maybe now wasn’t a time for your comment as you saw he was actually furious.

“Sorry,” you squeaked out and focused on rowing. Jason was already catching up to you two. You saw Eddie’s watch glow in the darkness; 9:23pm. How long have you been stuck with him? It definitely didn’t feel like it was that long, but you had spent a good majority of the late afternoon and now night with Eddie.

“Is that goody two shoes, Y/l/n?” Jason’s cronie asked him. Goody two shoes, you wanted to scoff at that.

“I think it is!” Jason shouted back as he swam faster to you two. He got near the boat and the man next to you jumped up holding his oar up.

“Hey, stay back man! Stay back!” He was swinging the wood around at Jason as he got closer.

“Don’t hurt her!” Jason yelled at Eddie. He looked back at his friend who had stopped and was wading in the water. “What are you doing? We almost have him!” He turned around and saw the boy just floating there. “Hey Patrick! Patrick?”

The boy named Patrick continued to wade in his spot before out of nowhere he went below the surface. Jason called for him again. You had shot Eddie a wary glance, and he gave you the same look. You didn’t know what the hell was going on.

After a few seconds the water erupted and Patrick came flying out into the sky. Eddie jumped startled, falling out of the boat. You didn’t flinch. All you could do was look at the airborne body. Patrick’s head was tilted upwards, arms and legs sprawled out.

You heard Eddie emerge out of the water gasping for air, but your eyes were still glued to Patrick’s lifeless body as you could hear it start to bend and break. You were mortified, unable to take your eyes off of him as you started to see his body follow the sounds. You felt someone grab your hand and pull you over into the water before you could actually see anything too mortifying. You screamed but a hand covered your mouth and you were pulled into a chest. You could feel the cold rings of Eddie’s against your lips as he kept your back turned away from Patrick, your hand holding on to the side of the boat to stay afloat. All you could hear were the bones breaking, and yours and Eddie’s out of breath panting. You closed your eyes tightly as if that would help from preventing the sound of bones breaking from entering your ears. Then it stopped and all was heard was Patrick’s body falling into the water.

“Y/n we gotta go.” Eddie whispered gently in your ear. “I’m gonna let you go now.” He told you as he removed his hand from your mouth and his arm from your waist. You floated there soaking wet, eyes staring at the other side of the shore. He hoisted himself into the boat, extending his hand. You grabbed it, letting him pull you into the boat and took a seat beside him. Eddie started rowing for the both of you, letting you just sit there for a moment.

The both of you were silent just processing what had happened. You had none of your things, no idea what you would do when you reached the shore. Jason now knew it was you with Eddie, whether you were going to be called an accomplice or Eddie’s next victim was up to him. Nonetheless you were going to be a part of the manhunt for Eddie. The sound of breaking bones had seared into your memory. No doubt the nightmares would come back. Like they had when you first saw a demogorgon, then when you watched the Mind Flayer leave poor Will’s body, and when you were almost killed by it in Starcourt Mall. Eddie Your thoughts just kept running and overthinking.

You could feel your chest tighten, and you start to breathe erratically. You had gripped onto your chest as you hyperventilated. Eddie looked over at you concerned.

“What’s going on?” He tried to ask, but you couldn’t respond just grasping onto your chest more, shaking your head. “Shit,” he stopped for a moment. He remembered when you two were friends, he’d found you a couple times like this at your locker or at a picnic table after school when you’d dread going home, because you knew your parents would be fighting or yelling at you. He tried to remember what he’d do to help you.

You were trying to do your usual 5,4,3,2,1 method in your head, but in the darkness with only the moon lighting the lake it was difficult to look at your surroundings. All you could really see was the dim features of Eddie. His skin practically glowing because he was so pale, you could see the frizz of his hair that was weirdly enough a halo around his head, his silver ring clad hands grabbing an oar to continue rowing you both to safety, and the look of concern in his dark eyes.

You smell the lake water, the dingy musty smell of the boat, mixing with the faint smell of your perfume, and Eddie’s natural scent with the note of the cheap cologne etched into his leather jacket.

You could hear sirens in the distance approaching, the sound of frogs croaking in the cattails at the shore, and the faint singing from Eddie?

Eddie always had his Walkman on him when you were younger, so he’d let you listen to whatever tape you wanted when you’d go into an anxiety attack. As much as you loved metal, you still loved pop music and a bunch of other genres that played on the radio. He’d grumble about it, but let you ‘contaminate’ his music player with whatever tape you’d be listening to even if it wasn’t metal.

The one band he remembered most you’d always listen to was Fleetwood Mac. A bit corny in his opinion since the only time he heard it was when his uncle was fixing his car or the old couple that lived in the RV next to his trailer would blast it when they were drinking. He didn’t know the lyrics well. He would really only pay attention to the chords or beat of the songs, but he needed you to get focused so you two could get off the lake. The last he needed was to be caught up in another murder, and for you to be in the mix as well.

“So there you go again, you say you want your freedom. Well who am I to keep you down? Na na na something something something.” He sang off key quietly. You were looking at him, still hyperventilating, but listening to his voice. “Like a heartbeat that drives you mad, in the stillness ehh na na na.” He drifted off, having a terrible time remembering the words rowing for the both of you, switching back and forth on the sides of the boat. “Landslide, you can go your own way?” His voice was no longer confident just basically saying any Fleetwood Mac song together.

You had stopped heavy breathing and took a deep breath, still internally panicking, but it was doing the both of you no good in the body of water. Besides, you could panic more once you were on shore and save Eddie from singing any longer and butchering one of your favorite songs. You grabbed your oar and started to row again. He visibly relaxed as you got back into the swing of rowing with him.

“Oh thank god,” he mumbled to himself. You bit your lip trying to hide a smile. You kept quiet, not exactly knowing what to say, well you had ideas, but you didn’t know how ill timed they would be. When was anything in your life rightly timed though?

“I hope you're not the lead singer for your band, Munson.” It slipped through your mouth before you could stop it. The sarcastic remarks reserved for him never having a filter.

He shook his head, “I’d like to have you know I can actually sing. Just not your shitty music choices.”

“Fleetwood Mac is not shitty, you say that about any band that isn’t labeled heavy metal.” You countered back, feeling thankful to be arguing rather than panicking.

“If it made you start rowing again, I’d sing Madonna.”

“Angel is one of my favorites,” you said in a ‘matter of fact’ tone.

“Please Y/l/n, the more you talk, the more faith I lose in your taste in music.” Eddie scrunched his nose.

“Yeah well I already lost faith in yours, when you declared Megadeth the new Metallica.” You snapped back playfully.

“As long as you’re rowing you can lose faith in my music taste all you want.” He replied. You rolled your eyes as you two continued to have a quiet heated debate about music to the shore. Ironically this is how all your other anxiety attacks ended when you were around Eddie when you were younger too. Maybe just with a little disdain and intensity now.

taglist: @sunfairyy @eddiemunson4ever @babygirlwilly @creme-delacreme @ultracolorfulnerdcollection @thicc101q @mcueveryday @ariegoldhouse

[bokutoslittlebird]

Nice and Clean

Sakusa Kiyoomi x sister!reader

Warnings: incest, f. and m. oral receiving, implied cum eating, “cunny check”, college AU, this might be a little gross sorry, cockwarming, praise

Coming home from classes and into the warm arms of your brother is always one of the best parts of your day. He’ll make you take a shower after a day of running around campus in late Spring, sweat showing on your t-shirt. It makes you self conscious, knowing he could probably smell the sweat on your body even though you just went from class to class. He always smelled nice, even after volleyball practice, but you were never so blessed with that ability.

“Welcome back. Long day?” He asks, kissing the top of your head. You nod, sighing as you inhale his scent. It may just be cleaning products to others, but he smells comforting. “Were you good?”

“Of course, nii-chan! I’d never go against the rules,” you giggle, feeling his hand ghost up your back. As soon as it reaches your mid back, he pulls away and gestures his head to the side. Towards the bedroom. It’s time.

“Gotta make sure you’re still nice and clean for me, okay?” He murmurs against your skin. You never tell him no, understanding his concern for you extended to making sure you were scratched up after falling all the way to his special cunny checks.

You just wish he’d let you shower first.

The way Kiyoomi eagerly presses his lips to your sticky skin, going down your stomach to your shorts, has shivers running up your spine. He’s almost too good at this part, you think, as he uses his teeth to take them off, snapping the band against your skin with a smile on his face. Once on your thighs, he uses his hands to guide them the rest of the way, taking your panties off with them. Glistening with your arousal of him simply touching you, he can finally see your sweet, sweet cunt. Completely untouched since he parted from you this morning.

He’ll never admit it, but Kiyoomi loves the way you smell when you get home. You always think you smell bad, but you smell normal to him. After sweating all day and probably imagining the way his tongue flicked against your clit, he loves burying his face in between your legs. The way you wiggled and squirmed as he barely breathes on your pussy, soft whines as you wait in anticipation and anxiety for him to complete his little procedure. He enjoys this the most.

With his nose nudging against your skin, you feel your face get hot as he just blows air on your folds, spreading them apart with his fingers. Shimmering strands connect them, telling him you were probably thinking about him on the way back to the apartment. It brings a smile to his face, the fact you always are eager for him as he is for you. Pressing his lips into your cunt, he lets his tongue flick against the sensitive skin, feeling you jump under him. Strong hands dig into the flesh of your thighs, ready to keep you down as he dives in.

As his lips wrap around your little clit, moaning as he lets his tongue wander around your clenching hole, you find yourself easily approaching the first orgasm of the night. It’s the way he can feel your legs tense under his palm, the way your hands move from his locks to the bedsheets, the breathless moans that has him sucking harshly and moving his tongue up and down, nose rubbing against skin. He’s helping you hurl towards your orgasm, the pleasure filling you in a moment as your back arches and Kiyoomi feels your essence coat his face. Slurping up any excess, he hums in approval as he removes himself from you.

“As expected. My sweet sister still tastes as sweet as she did this morning. C’mon baby, time for a bath,” he coos, moving to pick you up bridal style. Instinctively, you curl against his chest.

In the bath, Kiyoomi spends a good amount of time washing your body. He always does, letting soapy hands wander over your curves and your chest, occasionally tweaking your nipples when you least expect it. If his hands wander down too far, you always pay him back by squeezing down on his cock. Hearing him groan always has you clenching some more, but it keeps him from getting too handsy with you. Once he’s lathered you up and has covered every inch of your skin, he makes sure you do the same to him. Facing his broad chest, you make sure to give him some sweet kisses as your fingers run over his skin, rubbing out any tense muscles you find. It’s one of your favorite parts of the day, just hearing him sigh and groan in satisfaction as you tend to his tense shoulders.

Once you’re both completely clean, rinsed and dried, that’s when the real fun begins. As a treat for helping him clean up, you get to pleasure him before feeling his cock inside you once more. The left over tingling feeling of him being inside you has you eagerly clambering to your knees, begging to suck on his cock. A soft chuckle fills your ears as Kiyoomi unties the towel from his waist, his cock already hard as it usually is for you.

You remember the way he likes you to do it. Despite his outward disgust for most things, he absolutely loves when you get him all messy with your mouth. A glob of spit on his tip, watching it drop down his shaft only for you to catch it with your tongue, licking back up to the tip as you make eye contact. With lidded eyes, he keeps them locked on yours, his large hand patting your head as he silently encourages you to continue. Suckling on his tip, you finally put half of him in your mouth, tongue swirling around the bit inside as drool covers the rest of him. Your hands pump the excess of him, coated in your own saliva as you pop off of him, licking up his shaft once more as you swirl around the tip. Putting him in your mouth, you go all the way down as you try to not gag around him, bobbing your head as your throat constricts around his girth.

It only takes a few bobs of your head to have Kiyoomi moaning, fingers digging into your scalp as he explodes in your mouth. Sticky cum oozes down your throat as you guzzle every drop from him, licking the length of his cock while he comes down from his high. Loudly licking your lips, you giggle at his flushed face. “You look so perverted nii-chan. You like your little sister sucking on your cock that much?”

“I love everything my sweet little sister does,” he huffs, catching his breath. You crawl up onto his lap, your freshly cleaned cunt rubbing against his soft cock, dripping with want. He presses a firm kiss against your lips, rougher than his previous kisses as he digs his fingers into your ass, massaging the flesh. “Lay down on the bed,”

You obey his order, your head firmly against the pillows as he crawls between your legs. With his cock hard again, he rubs it on your folds, lathering it in your juices. It’s only for a few seconds, though, as he’s soon lining himself up and pushing into your tiny cunt. He’s so big that he always has to make sure you’re comfortable before he continues much farther, sweet murmurs of how good you feel around him while you adjust. Tears bead on your eyelashes as he gently rocks into you, spreading your gummy walls as he fills you up completely.

“You look so pretty under me like this. Such a good girl, taking my cock so well. Your nii-san’s got you, it’s okay,” he coos, fingers rubbing soothing circles in your hips as he finally gets himself all the way into you. It’s always a struggle getting in there, he hates seeing you cry because of him. But the reward in the end is having your legs on his shoulders as he pounds you into the mattress.

“Big! Omi— ‘s too much!” You scream, nails digging into the flesh of his neck as he drills himself into your cunt. Loud and wet squelches echo around the room as he consistently pumps his cock into you, keeping you bent as your legs dangle over his shoulders and his arms cage you in the position. His grunts are easily overpowered by your pleas and screams, your juices being louder as his balls slam down against your ass. It’s an overwhelming sensation, feeling his cock fill you out so well and his feral attempt to fuck you senseless, that you find yourself coming undone on his cock once more.

With a loud grunt, Kiyoomi moves his mouth to your neck, teeth latching on as you yelp, nails moving down to his biceps as your teeth grit together. You’re quickly hurling towards another orgasm, Kiyoomi picking up his pace as he comes closer to his own release. When his teeth dig in a little harshly do you clamp down around him, mewling as your back arches. It’s all he needed to push over the edge, an almost growl from his throat as he pushes into you once more time, removing his head from your neck to watch you cum.

It’s a beautiful sight, the way your eyes roll back and your tongue lolls out, tears streaming down your face from pleasure as your walls gush around him. It has him spilling his load into your awaiting walls, filling you up even more as he ruts into your sensitive cunt. He loves seeing you completely full of him, it warms his heart when he knows you’ll do everything in your power to keep his cum inside you until the next morning, when he wakes you up with his tongue prodding your cunt to see if he can taste himself in you. Nothing can ever compare to how much he loves you.

Author’s Note: cunt/cunny checks are very cliche for incest fics I know but if it isn’t broken don’t try to fix it aka I like it

[poppy-metal]

so uh,,,,this ended up being alot softer then i was expecting LMAO.

Bully!eren x reader

Cw: not alot, some smut at the end. Tame for me but i was in my FEELINGS okay.

Word count: 2.3k

The familiar sleek black of erens benz pulls up to the side of your house as you walk home from a late night trip to the grocery store, pints of ben & jerrys ice cream in the bags, as well as several other snack items one might munch on to cram for an exam, which is what you planned on doing. 

You side step more onto the sidewalk when he pulls up beside you, still driving just slow enough to match your pace. He rolls down the window, jerking his head, “Just the girl i wanted to see,” he drawls hooking his arm out his window to lean out a little, he grins, “its fate” 

You scrunch your nose up and scoff “Stalking is another word for it, jaeger”. You look him over suspiciously, “you wanted to see me?” 

He rolls his eyes. He’s wearing aviator sunglasses, pushed up his forehead. Loitering in front of your house like this, you’re aware of how different the worlds you live in are. Everything about eren is expensive, from his car to his sunglasses to his clothes, even the way he smells, the cologne he wears, all tells how important he is. Meanwhile here you are in your oversized hoodie and leggings, hands full of stuff you’d bought from the convenience store, prepared to spend your night busting your ass to even stay in the college you had to claw your way to get into, wherein he had gotten in without even trying. You’re not self conscious, at least not usually. You’d never yearned to be apart of erens world too terribly, and it was eren who always sought you out, not the other way around, when there was plenty of rich girls right up his alley and status that would be glad to be with him and yet here he was at 11pm at night. You try to push down the way your heart flutters at that fact.

“Uh huh. Get in the car, bambi, m’taking you somewhere” his teeth are a flash of white against the night, promising trouble, as always. Your grip on your bags tightens, as does your heart in your chest. You glance away, “i have to study” 

“Study?”

Your brows pinch together and you hold up your bags “Not that you’d care, jaeger, but some of us have to actually study to achieve our goals. I can't entertain you tonight, im busy” 

Eren doesn’t look put out in the slightest, glancing down at your bags with casual disinterest“You dont need to study”. And then he looks up at you and meets your eyes, your breath catching, they look closer to the shade of seaglass today. “You’re smarter than anyone i know, ___, and i know alot of people. Whatever you want to pass? You’re already there. Just come with me, please”  

Your eyes widen and your heart spasms in your chest, caught off guard by the raw honesty in his voice. He has moments like this, where he usually teases you and gets under your skin but sometimes he says something that makes everything in you jolt. Its not fair. Its confusing and it messes with your head, makes it fuzzy, weakens you and makes you do things you’d never do with a clear mind.  

You wish you could fight it, wish you could roll your eyes and tell him no and do what you need to do. But you don’t. Huffing you say, “Ugh, fine. Just let me put this stuff up, my ice creams probably already a puddle by now” you turn and rush up to your house, ears burning when you hear him call out, “Thatta girl!” 

You try not to put everything away to hastily, thinking he ought to squirm just a little, but even you can’t deny the eager buzzing under your skin. When you clamber into the passenger seat of his car eren turns to grin at you as he flicks his sunglasses back over his eyes. “Knew you’d see reason, bambi”. You roll your eyes at the nickname, crossing your arms over your chest as you side eye him warily, “where are you taking me jaeger, is this a kidnapping?” 

“Not a kidnapping when you want it, sweetheart”, eren says, putting his arm around the back of your seat as he backs up his car to make a uturn. You dont know if the flustered leap in your chest is from the petname or the way his forearm looks flexing, the cords in his neck prominent as he looks behind him for any oncoming cars. “Just trust me, yeah? You’ll like it” 

You sink in the seat, trying to get away from the warm heat of his arm so close to you, but hes taking it away soon enough, only to draw your attention again to the way his hands look steering the wheel. His hands….You turn to look out the window, opting for silence, because you feel like you’re about to lose your mind. This car is just so..him and its overwhelming your senses. It smells good, it smells like him, his cologne wafting all around you. The sleek interior of his car is crisp, clean, sharp, and just so richboy it feels surreal. You haven’t been in his car before. 

Eren seems okay with the silence though, tapping his finger idly against the wheel as soft music plays from the radio. Its strangely peaceful, actually. Before you know it, the whirring of houses and neighborhoods and highway turns into palm trees and sand. You sit up straighter, coming out of your daze when you realize eren is pulling his car into the sandy bank by a large body of water. The beach. You haven’t had a chance to go here. 

The water looks like black at this time of night, there are no waves, just sparkling dark abyss that stretches out for ages and ages, glittering under the moonlight. There are no other cars parked close to you so its just you, eren, and the sea. 

You spend quite awhile gawking at the ocean before you come to your senses and turn to face eren. He has his elbow propped on the wheel, chewing idly on his thumb as he peers at you from over his sunglasses. A small smile is playing at his lips as he watches you. 

You gape, “What…” 

“You’re cute when you’re excited, you know” his voice is low, dropped in that way that makes your toes curl in your shoes. You ignore the way your heart skips at his words, probing him, “Why did you bring me here, ren?” 

He turns to face forward, flipping the radio off so theres no background noise between the two of you. Taking his sunglasses off the folds them and puts them on the dash, sighing as he watches the ocean from out the windshield, gnawing on his lips. Tap, tap, tap, his fingers on the wheel go as you wait for him to speak. “Last week,” he starts, glancing at you, “When we had to do those presentations in class about places we feel at home..you talked about the library” 

He laughs under his breath like its some kind of endearing joke, shaking his head a little. You dont speak. “The library is where i first saw you, you know? I mean, before all this, before i..talked to you, i noticed you before you ever noticed me.” A small secret smile plays on his lips, “You were reading ‘percy jackson and the lightning thief’, and you haid your hair in pigtails. Your glasses were way to big your face. My first thought was ‘wow she looks like an owl’, but then i saw you laugh at something on the page and my second thought was ‘i want to know her’. We were in middle school.” 

Green eyes connect with yours, “You still go there, i know. But anyway..this is. My place, i guess”. He purses his lips “i figure since i'm always intruding on your little sanctuary , i’d let you see mine” 

You take everything he just said in. He’d known about you, noticed you, since middle school? You hadn’t acknowledged him until sophomore year of highschool, hadn’t spoken to him since senior year, when this tug and pull had first begun between you two. You remembered that day, your mother wouldn't buy you the series so you’d relied on constantly re-reading the books at the library. It was around that time you began to see that place as something special, too. Tucked away from the world, you could lose yourself in another's story. It was like magic. And to realize eren had been there the whole time, had glimpsed that, realized that the library was your special place, that he’d even payed attention to your presentation in class at all in the first place...that he was here, showing you something of himself in return, even though you’d never asked. You’d wondered of course. 

Eren was an enigma, he was on most days, the bane of your existence. He had made your life a living hell on many occasions, but with that, he also made you feel more alive than ever before. He’d dragged you out of your bubble and challenged you to see the world beyond school and books and fiction, he raised your emotions and forced you to experience everything head on. Anger, confusion, happiness, anxiety, thrill, lust and…

You look at him. The way the moonlight curls into the car like a kind of mist, making his eyes look absolutely beautiful. The soft wave to his brown hair, his eyelashes, everything about him made you ache with desire. All the time, even when you swore you hated him, you wanted him. 

“Kiss me”. Its whispered out so low, for a moment you worry he might not hear it. Its the first time you’ve asked for him, reached for him first without his taunting to guide a confession from you. With this request, filling the air between you, you’re making it known that you want him, want this. It doesn’t change anything and yet it somehow changes everything. You can’t look in the mirror and tell yourself he doesn’t occupy your mind and your heart anymore. Not after this. 

Eren seems to realize this too, his intake of breath letting you know he heard you loud and clear. “__..” he says, inching closer. His eyes, dark now, are so very hungry as he closes in. In a moment his lips, soft, so soft, are on yours. You sigh into his kiss, opening for him easily when his tongue glides into your mouth. His hand comes up to cup your jaw, tenderly, thumb stroking it. God, you want to eat him, you want him to eat you. The wet smack of your lips fills the car as you hungrily nip, and suck, and kiss at each others lips. 

When eren pulls back, he’s panting, hair disheveled. You don’t remember when your hands first sunk into his hair, but they must have, messed up as it is now. He looks at you like he wants to devour you, he licks his lips. “I’m gonna put your seat back,” he tells you slowly, each word dripping with finality, “im going to kiss every inch of your body and then you’re opening those legs for me and letting me inside, baby” 

You don’t have it in you to act scandalised, you know what you want. You’d basically asked for it. You just nod, never taking your eyes off his face when he reaches down and pulls the lever. And then you feel yourself being tilted backwards as the seat goes back, laying you flat. Your chest heaves with barely contained need as eren then settles above you, every clothed inch of him hovering just barely above you. 

Holding your eyes, eren lowers himself. You spread your legs easily to accommodate him, gasping when you feel his clothed cock settle right against your clit through your leggings. He rocks once, gently, against you, his hair hanging over his forehead as he looks down at you with utter want in his eyes, “Want you to feel me”, he murmurs, and rocks again, “Wanna fill you up so good, you can’t ever pretend that im not apart of you. Because, this, baby?” Another rock, a shuddered moan leaving your lips, “This is it. No ones gonna fuck you like i do, no ones gonna get inside that little head and play the games we play so well together.” 

One of his hands trails up your thigh, dipping his hand under the fabric of your leggings and pulling them slightly down, he pecks your lips, once, twice, three times. “Tell me”, he groans into your mouth, peeling your clothes off you slowly, “Tell me you understand, Tell me this is everything” 

And you tell him. Tell him through your whimpers when he parts the folds of your slick cunt with his fingers buried inside you. Tell him through your moans into his mouth when he shoves his jeans down and splits you open on his cock. Tell him through sighs of his name, when he rocks into you, licking into your mouth as he spears you open. Tell him through the way you claw your fingers down his back when starts to fuck you hard, rocking the car with the force of his thrusts. Tell him through the way you spread your legs, even wider, toes curling as he wrings orgasm after orgasm out of your tight little pussy milking him. 

“Its everything, you’re everything…” You cry out again and again, clutching onto him as he pumps you full of his cum, groaning brokenly into your neck. 

“Fuck”. He pulls back to look down at you, brushing your damp hair back from your face, still inside you. “You’re gonna fucking kill me, you little nerd” 

[little-fics]

glass

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Summary: you break a plate on accident, your daddy and uncle Dean come to the rescue.

Warnings: age regression, broken plate, triggered reader, hints at abuse, blood, cut, anxiety/panic attack, I could've missed some so please babies, read at your own risk

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: really like this oneeeee, thanks for reading lovelies <3

You're walking through the kitchen, minding your own business, and you collide with the sharp corner of the table. The plate resting in your hand hit the floor, shattering. In a split second you're panicking, the sound of broken glass reminding you too much of your bad days.

Memories flooding through your head, voices booming all around you. You're looking at your hands, the slippery culprits now shaking like a leaf. Your vision is spotty, lungs burning, air barely coming in, face losing feeling soon. Your eyes move to the shattered ceramic, overflowing with tears now. You realize the 'mistake' you've made and start clumsily shuffling around. You're picking up the biggest pieces, placing them as soft as you can in your hand.

Sam instantly heard the plate break, immediately jumping up from his chair in the library. He was rushing to you, and when he arrived in the doorway, he takes in your rattling body. Your breaths are choked, whole body racking as you're picking up pieces of glass? Sam instantly rushed over to you, kneeling in front of you, "You with me baby?" A hand coming up inches away from the hand holding the pieces of glass, his other coming around to your shoulder.

As you're picking up a piece Sam places a hand on your shoulder and under your hand holding the glass as gently as possible, but it still scares you. You let out a loud gasp, clenching your hands together, another sob coming out of you, "I-I'm sorry-" He lifts you from your squatting position, pulling your legs around his waist. He's rubbing your back, whispering in your ear as he carried you, "Shhh, my little baby, nothing to be sorry about, you're okay, it's okay." You're sobbing, shaking, mumbling ''m sorry' over and over, you can't open your eyes, you're just stuck gripping onto him and struggling to breathe between broken sobs.

He sits you on the counter next to the sink, your legs and arms still around him. "Hey, baby," he's trying to reach you in your thoughts, "baby, can you look at me?" He's rubbing your back, feeling the wetness grow on his back, knowing he needed to check it. After about fifteen seconds, he decided he had to check your hand. He brought his hands to your ears, taking a deep breath and turning his head as far away from you as possible, "Dean!" His voice was dripping with fear and concern. Your body jolted when he did so, and he felt it, instantly consoling you, "Oh I know, daddy was so loud and it was scary. I know baby."

Dean does into the room, hearing your cries echoing through the room as he sees the back of Sam's shirt covered in blood that's coming from your hand? He's rushing over to you, softly speaking to you, his hand hovering over your wrist, "Hey, little one, wanna let Uncle Dean see your hand for a minute?" He gently grabs your wrist, slowly leading your away from Sam's neck.

You're starting to calm down, Sam's scent engulfing you, his words bringing you back to him. "It's okay bug, I now it's scary but daddy's here. Take a deep breath for me, come on." You're trying to follow along to him, Dean pulling your arm away from him bringing some feeling back into your arm. Your breathing is still scattered, but doesn't burn as bad, Sam's voice coming in clearer as you hear the water coming on. "You feel my hand on your back sweetness?" He makes big circles on your back, applying the slightest amount of pressure. You enjoy it for a moment, trying to take good breaths for your daddy, then nod to him. "You think you can tell me what letter I'm making?" You nod again, "Okay, remember to keep focusing on what I'm writing yeah?" Another nod, and as he starts drawing lines on your back water hits your hand causing you to let out a small cry and jerk your hand away from Dean.

"Hey, baby, you gotta let Dean make sure you're okay," his other hand is enclosing your face, kisses planting on top of your head, trying and succeeding in wrapping you in his love. He continues, "Focus on my hand baby, what letter is daddy drawing?" Dean's hand touching your wrist barely registers as you focus on the letter. You hiss at the water rushing over your hand again, shaking your head at Sam, letting him know you don't know the letter. "Okay, let me do it again," he traces two exaggerated lines on your back, forming a L. "What letter baby?" He is wiping away some stray tears as you choke out, "L."

Sam hums happily, "Such a good, smart girl, it was L!" His voice is soft and soothing, Deans movements on your hand becoming a little more noticeable as you start to breathe better. "Ready for the next one?" You nod keeping your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. He traces a circle on your back, then a line, you shrug not sure, a little too distract by the thump thump thump of his heart. "Circle," he traces a circle, "and a line," he traces the line, repeating the letter once more. Your voice is wavering, not confident in yourself, "a?"

He rubs your back gently, delivering kisses where he can reach, "So smart! Let's see if we can get another, yeah?" You nod, Sam sensing the small amount of eagerness and feeling relieved that you're starting to get back to being his happy little girl. He starts a point at the top of your back, drawing straight down and circling back. I know that one, you thought happily. Your heart skips a beat, excited to show your daddy how smart you are. "That one's d!"

Sam smiles even though you can't see him, knowing that you're gonna be okay. He's been watching Dean, wanting to make sure you were okay. It was a long cut but not deep, spreading across the inside of your fingers. Fingers bleed bad, and look scarier than they are. "Okay, okay, you're too good at this!" A small nuzzle into his chest from you, the praise pleasing your tiny headspace. He traces a v with a tail on your back, causing you to giggle, "I know the word!" He chuckled, "There's more!" He see's your brows furrow in consideration before speaking solemnly, "Okay, papa, write it."

His heart swelled, his perfect baby makes him feel magic running through his veins. He traced, another vertical like and circle, opposite from the d, and you bounced on the counter. "Yes, daddy! I know it!" He glances at Dean, who is putting small gauze and tape over the slices on your fingers, Dean focused on his task, but smiling at you and Sam. Sam speaks softly, but with admiration, "Ya hear that Uncle Dean? My girls got it!" Dean's voice dripping excitement, "Well I don't know what it is! Tell me what it is sweet pea!"

"Issa ladybug right?" Sam quickly litters kisses all over your face and shoulders. Your arm moved around his waist, face burying into him as he makes you blush with his words, "Genius baby! So smart and perfect, did so good!" You're giggling at him, Dean letting go of your hand, "All patched up sweetheart. You wanna come with me and watch some toons while daddy cleans up?" You squeeze to Sam, not wanting to let go, causing his heart to break a little. "Baby, Daddy's got some blood-" you try to raise your head but he stops you, "Little girls are too small to see things like that, right angel?" You blush, nodding, "Yes, daddy."

"Good girl, now I need you to keep your eyes closed while Dean grabs you, real tight 'til he says okay?" You nod, placing tiny kisses on his chest. Dean reaches for you, your eyes close real, real tight. Dean takes Sam's place, moving you to the other side of the sink. Sam's hand didn't come off your back, gliding with Dean. "Good girl," he butterfly kisses your nose consistently, letting you return it with a giggle. "He's gonna clean your hand, and I'm gonna go clean up." He kisses your forehead and you whine when you feel him leave.

Dean is quickly rinsing off the dried blood on your other arm that transferred from your other hand as he shushes you, "I know bug, just a second." After he finishes, he prepares to lift you, speaking softly, "Keep those eyes shut darlin'." When you nod, he lifts you, carrying you out of the kitchen, careful to avoid the plate and blood in the floor. You feel him lean, but keep your eyes closed, clinging to him tightly. He straightens back up and walks you to the tv room, sitting on the couch softly.

"Alright baby," he tapped your shoulder twice with a feather tap, "open up." You lift your head, greeted with Deans wide smile and a lavender beaded pacifier in his hand. You hummed excitedly, bouncing up and whining slightly when he didn't give it to you. He puts it against your lips, your mouth happily taking it in and sucking on it, laying back down on him.

After no more than ten minutes, you're squirming. You want your daddy, not uncle Dean. "Peanut," Dean sighs, "daddy's coming, give him a minute, yeah?" You whine, fussing a bit, Dean stands with you, pushing your head into his neck. He starts pacing the room with you, bouncing you slightly. You're still squirming a little, trying to escape his grasp. "Wan' papa," you whisper, Dean feels a tear slip onto his shoulder and he's shushing you. "He's coming baby, he's gotta get real clean! You don't like when daddy's stinky do you?" You giggle a little, shaking your head, "No stinky papa." Dean coos at you, "That's right little girl, daddy needs to get to smelling good again, doesn't he?" That elicits a heavier laugh from you, tucking yourself back into his neck.

Around ten minutes after that, Sam walks in, holding a pair of rainbow leggings and one of his t-shirts. His hand comes to your back, nodding you out of your sleepy state, and you're instantly reaching for his arms. "Papa," your hands find his shoulders to support yourself while you transfer arms. "I know baby," he's holding you now, but it's short lived when he gently sets you on the couch. You're whining and whimpering, reaching out to him, being careful not to squeeze your sore little fingers. He shakes his head, "No baby, don't you wanna get these uncomfy clothes off of you?" When he says that you realize how tight the clothes you're wearing are, how rough they feel against your skin. You're suddenly squirming, pulling at your clothes messily.

"Oh little girl, arms up now." He's speaking softly but sternly, causing you to stop moving and lift your arms. He picks up your shirt, lifting it up over your face and back down, making silly faces at you repetitively, "Where my baby?" the shirt is covering your face, "There she is!" He moves the shirt out of the way again, only stopping when your giggles die down. He slides his shirt on you, it was a little oversized on him, it swallows you. You're bunching it in your hands, whining when he pulls down your rough blue jeans. He slides the leggings on, the soft, stretchy material making you kick your legs playfully.

Once the leggings are all the way up, Sam grabs your ankles, laughing at you, "Oh! Daddy's got you now little ladybug, what you gonna do?" You giggle at him, a blessed sound to Sam and Dean, twisting your body in unnatural ways to try and escape the mean ankle monster. "Papaaaa," you kick your legs a little seriously, causing Sam to raise his eyebrows, a test telling you that you know better than to hit your daddy. "Pease papa, jus' wan' you hol' me." You reach your arms up and Sam's heart melts.

He tickles up your legs, grazing your sides, causing you to twist and turn again, before he's lifting you by your underarms, putting you around his waist. Dean comes in, you're not sure when he left, but he's got your favorite spaceship sippy cup and your reaching for it. He laughs, handing it to you as Sam sits with you. "I thought we could watch Tink, you wanna watch Tink peanut?" You nod at Dean, he presses a kiss to your cheek and plays the movie, Sam letting you adjust so you can watch the television.

Despite your sore hand, it was going to be a good day with your daddy and uncle Dean. They know when you need extra attention, know when you're gonna be their little baby and they wouldn't change it for the world. They just wish that you wouldn't have regressed this way, forced by a trigger violently. They know you're hurting so they're gonna be by your side all day long.

[crab-instruments]

Of Rats and Men Part 2

<Part 1 Part 3>

Pairing: Silco x Female Reader

Rating/Warning: teen, violence, descriptions of arson (no one in building)

Summary: You are a traveling medic, journeying between Piltover and Zaun. One night, you stumble upon a man and take him in. His presence causes havoc on your practice. Set between Act I & Act II.

a/n: For@imalovernotahater

Life continued on normally, or as normally as it was before the King of Zaun was dying in your practice. You took a few days to collect yourself, not making the rounds in the Undercity, only taking walk-ins.

You become stir crazy. Sitting around or cleaning the same spots over and over. The ‘excitement’ Silco brought seemed to have withdrawal symptoms. Just a few days with the man and you still expected him to be in the patient bed, ready with some retort about your care or the lack of interesting reading material.

You had to breach the room you had kept him in. The sheets still smelled of him, cigar smoke and an unnameable cologne. For a moment, you almost wanted to hold onto those sheets before quickly dismissing the idea as ridiculous. The scarred man had left an impression on you, and you longed for a reason to have him in your presence again, for one unexplainable reason or another.

Nothing could have prepared you for how unconventionally handsome he was. The mismatched eyes and scratched face had its own sort of beauty, but he himself had such an air of confidence you couldn’t not be attracted to. The smile was what really solidified it. Fleeting, yet it lit a fire in you.

It was at that thought you realized you needed to get out. Make a trip across the bridge. Time to continue work as normal.

Walking the streets of Zaun was never a comfortable affair, but tonight felt especially charged. The air made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. The atmosphere was ominous. Living in the shadow of Piltover, there wasn’t really a concept of ‘day’ or ‘night’ in Zaun. Normally, everything was equally as dark and busy no matter the hour.

However, the streets seemed especially empty, like they had been evacuated.

Against your better judgment, you continued. Was there ever a good day in Zaun?

A loud bang filled your ears, reverberating wildly through the mismatched alleyways. Moving towards the noise, before instincts could kick in to tell you to run away, your feet picked up the pace. It was then you heard a girl, wailing, screaming, and crying. She seemed to be holding a conversation with multiple people, but you could only hear her voice.

Finally, you encountered a destroyed multi-story building where the noise came from. It was surprisingly still standing, considering you could see through most of it. On the third floor, you noticed blue ropes swinging around erratically.

As you moved closer, you saw that blue ropes were actually braids attached to girl you had been trying to find. She paced back and forth, arguing with things you could not see. You could only make out some of what she was saying, “No, I didn’t mean to hurt them,” and “I just wanted to help.”

Thinking quickly, you found a way up, scaling the side of the building. You could hear the wood clatter against itself as you tried to keep steady and balanced. This was a bad time to have a fear of falling. The ground felt so far away even before you made it to the second floor. The height combined with the lack of stability in the building only made your anxiety worse, but you pushed forward. Multiple times you had to stop and close your eyes, reminding yourself why you were doing this in the first place.

With wobbly arms, you lifted yourself up to the same floor as the girl. Her movements shook the beams, making it difficult to feel safe. When you finally got your whole body on the floor, you slowly rolled up. The movement and sound had been sucked out of the air. Blue eyes that were full of confusion but held the power of a storm behind them met yours. For what felt like an eternity, the two of you stared at each other.

“Are you… okay?” you heard yourself ask in a shaky voice. It seemed to snap the girl out of her trance. Her head tilted, as if the new angle would help her gain perspective on the situation. Her eyes changed to something unreadable, something you hadn’t seen before.

“Who are you?” Besides her head, she was motionless, waiting. It was not unlike a predator watching its prey for its next movement; run or fight.

“Pa-Para-Medic. Or rather, that’s-that’s what people around here call me. C-can you tell me yours?” Uncertain of how much danger you were in, you held your arms up to show you were unarmed and not a threat. You couldn’t stop the shaking and couldn’t figure out if it was still from the lack of safety rails or the loose cannon in front of you.

“Jinx.” She tilted her head the other way, her bangs swaying from one side to the other. “Are you… scared?”

Unsure of the best way to answer, you gave a quiet ‘yes’.

A small smile crossed her features, possibly at your honesty, before her whole body snapped into a new position, pointing her pistol with such ferocity, you were convinced someone was at the end of it, but nothing was. “SHE DIDN’T SAY WHAT SHE WAS AFRAID OF.” The pistol pointed in a new direction, it was so fast you could barely register it was happening. “SHUT UP.”  The barrel of the pistol was suddenly in your direction. “ARE YOU HERE TO HURT ME?”

You did your best to not show how tense you became. “N-no, Jinx. I’m… here because I h-heard someone who might need help. Do you… need help?”

“Help?” Her arm lowered slowly, then swung back and forth, like it was on a hinge.

You took an uncertain step forward. “Yeah, I heard you crying, so I climbed the building.” You glanced behind you, slowly, checking the path you took to get here. “I’m afraid… I’m afraid of falling but I still wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you want to-to talk about what’s wrong?”

Jinx considered the offer for a moment before she started to quickly look in different directions around her and covering her ears. She wailed again, yelling incoherently.

“Jinx, I’m going to come closer to you.” As you hobbled forward, you started to crouch down and extend your arm towards her. She became quiet and looked at your hand. Your heart hurt, she looked so young and so troubled. In that moment, you wanted to fight every demon that plagued her mind. “Jinx, it’s okay. I’m here and I want to get you somewhere safe.”

“You’re scared of falling off, but you came closer? Aren’t you even more scared?”

“Yes, but I’ll stay here if you need me to. For as long as you need.”

Jinx looked into your eyes, the storm settling but still simmering. After a breath, she reached out slowly and grabbed your hand. “Okay, I’ll go with you.” When her hand was firmly in yours, you gave a light squeeze before carefully standing and moving towards the edge of the floor. Jinx followed closely behind you, almost directly behind you, childlike.

Rather than heading down, you decided to sit with your feet dangling over the edge. This area felt stable, possibly because the load bearing beams were still in place. Jinx curled up next to you holding her knees close to her chest and chin tucked in. “You’re staying up here?”

You turned and smiled at her. “Yeah. I thought, if you could face your fear and come to me, then I could face my fear and sit up here a bit longer. Can you tell me what happened? Or do you want to talk about something else? Or we could just… sit here for a bit.” No longer looking at her, you couldn’t read her face. Not that you could if you tried as it was ever changing with wild, chaotic emotion, but you wanted to give her the chance to decide on her own, without feeling the pressure of your eyes. It was another way you could convey trust in her.

Her breathing eventually evened out and you heard her shift. A quick glance over your shoulder confirmed she had loosened herself from the tight ball she held herself in and she scooted next to you, swinging her legs over the edge. “I wanted to help. I made a bomb for a job, but it went off too early. It messed up dad’s plan. He was mad and yelled so I ran here. I hate disappointing him, he’s the only one I have.”

You let that sink in before responding. “Your dad trusts you to build bombs?”

“Yeah, he says I make great weapons.” You started to wonder if your own family dynamic was as messed up as you initially thought.

“He… sounds like he cares about you, then. He might seem disappointed and angry but maybe he’s just… worried? Parents do that. They know children make mistakes, parents just hate that they can’t protect their kids from their mistakes. He’ll forgive you. Probably.”

“You really think so, Medic? He’s just worried?”

“I just met you, Jinx, but you seem like a creative and intelligent inventor. Sometimes people don’t know where the line is, where to stop before their creations overtake them. I’m sure your father wants to push you to be your greatest but never wants to see you get hurt. It’s the same line, where to step in and when to let you grow.”

Jinx hummed in response. “I guess you’re right.” She stood and rather unceremoniously, jumped her way down to the ground. “Come on, I’ll catch you if you fall.” Her smirk was both serious and playful and you were unsure if she really meant it.

You slowly climbed down, and Jinx waited patiently. When you were solidly on your feet, she rushed in really quickly to hug you before letting go just as fast. “Thanks, Medic. Here, I want you to have this.” She grabbed your hand and placed a cylinder of metal in your palm. “It’s a bomb. I’ll see you later!” She skipped away before you could fully react.

“A bomb? Jinx, wait a bomb? Like an active bomb? Jinx!”

It was too late, the blue braids had disappeared into the winding streets.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When you arrived back at your practice, you thought you had gotten lost. The building…

It had been ravaged by flames, the ghosts of which you could still see by the soot and smoke. Sirens echoed in your ears, but it seemed like everything was becoming hazy and slow. You were frozen in place, everything seemed so far away.

Enforcers surround the building, searching for signs of life. There was nothing ‘accidental’ about this. The only coherent thought echoing in your head as you saw more of the damage: ‘was I meant to be part of the ruins?’ You could feel the heat of the flames, imagining they were supposed to swallow you until an Enforcer woke you up from your reverie.

Talking to the officers went by like a blur. You answered questions as best you could, but everything felt numb. Being from Topside, they assured you they would get to the bottom of this and give you accommodations if you didn’t have any, but you refused. Help from Piltover came with strings attached and you were done paying the price for it. While your next move was still up in the air, you wanted to keep your options open.

When there was nothing left for you to do or questions to answer, you wandered around, letting the breeze guide you to the river that separated the two worlds. You could see what was left of your practice but it was enough distance that the shifting water drowned out the noise from the first responders. When the wind picked up, you could almost forget the smell of your burning home, but it was a fleeting relief.

You sat close to the bank, the wet dirt clinging to your legs. It was clear enough to see reflections, but you didn’t recognize the person that stared back at you. You reasoned it had to be you but you felt disconnected from the image. Slowly, you broke the surface of the water with a dirty, soot covered hand, distorting your reflection on one side. You watched as the black faded from your hand into the water, the patterns reminding you of the scars on the man who left marks of his own.

Lost in thought, you were startled when one of the officers alerted you that they cleared the building. Condemned but safe to enter. Would need much in the way of repairs but the damage to the building was nothing compared to the destruction you felt in your soul. It rang like a waterlogged bell: hopeless and miserable. You fell asleep on the ashen front desk until you were shaken awake by a foreboding feeling.

You attempted to right yourself, but your body ached. The strain of the events of the last 12 or so hours wrecked your muscles. Jinx passed through your mind, her murderous innocence danced across your thoughts. Her contraption was in your hands, giving an odd sort of comfort, that you still could do good outside of these walls.

The day had turned dreary, rainy and foggy. Humidity hung in the air, like walking through gloomy clouds. Being so close to the river made the fog worse, but you didn’t really mind. The haze felt like it had broken through to your mind, unable to focus.

It was quiet, the only sound was the rain outside and the ticking of a clock. Time seemed to be passing both fast and slow, unreal and untethered to reality.

What was left of the front door swung open and two figures walked in. A taller, burly woman with a gold arm. The other was Silco. They looked like a mismatched pair; Silco dressed so finely, and the woman looked like an anarchist. Yet, somehow they both fit perfectly.

You stood up slowly, prepared to greet the two like you would any other, a force of habit. The dark room reminded you that this was not a routine visit.

Seeing Silco fully healed and walking like he owned the place made your heart skip a beat for a moment. You cared for all of your patients and wanted them to get better, but this man had a certain hold on you.

The two seemed to examine the room and all you could do was watch for a moment.

You cleared your throat before speaking, gaining their attention. “Can I… Can I help you?”

“On the contrary, my darling, I believe it is you who needs my help. It seems it is time for me to pay in full.”

Part 3