#it's one of the ways he says 'fuck you' to societal rules and expectations

[mieczyhale]

post: steve shaves his head

me: ..okay.. i guess i get it..

post: and then eddie shaves his head

me, anxious and nauseous: NO THE FUCK HE DOES NOT

[waitmyturtles]

I Feel You Linger In the Air, episode 8 -- I dared to watch Other Dramas on the day that the second season of What Did You Eat Yesterday? premiered, but dare I did, and wax gushingly I will:

The sense of dread and palpable trauma about arranged marriage in this episode was awfully... I don't want to say triggering, as if I am blaming the show, which I am not, but just. The theme of arranged marriage as a means of whole-body-and-mind control over another person is so prevalent in my Indian culture that, to see it in such abundance in this episode, made me ALMOST want to check out.

Obviously, I did not want to actually check out, because I was busy checking out Nonkul and Bright (HEH), but this show has such a heavy sense of duty, dread, filial piety, class differences and expectations, societal and familial expectations, EMOTIONAL WEIGHT, that just. Oof. This was such a heavy episode.

I honestly wanted to just delve and enjoy in the boyfriend moments, like the fireflies and the bathtime, but Jom's right. They're always being spied on. They literally are, by fucking Dech and Chan, THE NARC, who I had theorized last week had a sexual past with Yai, but no (unless...), he's just a fucking bitch-ass narc, and two quick clown theories about this motherfucker -- he's either jealous of Jom and/or will be assigned to take out Jom. God damn it.

Anyway, Chan represents a vibe, an expectation of life for this family that is DESPERATE to live by the rules. Nothing, NOTHING can deviate. One's WHOLE LIFE is prescribed to them upon birth. That explanation of arranged marriage to Eeaung Paeng from her mother was just BRUTAL. And if you deviate? Like we learned last week, literal lives might be lost. The way Maey was caged.

EP wants to work to hold off on marriage? "Isn't it too unrealistic? There isn't room for us there."

Just.... no one wants to really think outside of the box here, huh. I remember Jom's urging Yai earlier in the series to consider servitude as a violation of rights. Could Yai change that paradigm? On an individual level, maybe, to great emotional risk.

But Yai's about to get sucked into his own patriarchally-determined fate. Oh god, his face during the preview.

And I also continue to have this dreading sense that, while Yai must go through the motions of getting married, that he'll also continue to treat Jom as a servant -- an automatic, inherent role engagement that I wonder if Yai can't shake. Jom still serves Yai tea. Love does not mean equality. It gives me the jibbles. Both Yai and EP's lovers are servants who are...still treated like servants, and that's their fate.

This show is absolutely SPECTACULAR, but the class differences, the roles that these individuals HAVE to embody so as not to disturb the waters of everyday life -- the emotionality of it all is just BRUTAL.

I will say this. The side-eye of that monk was chef's kiss. The call-out to those two dads. Of ALL PEOPLE: leave it to an astrology pandit to shade some dads for arranging a marriage? THAT was a deviation I can get behind.

[bydragonfireandblood]

Honestly, best part about watching HotD was that it gave me a free blocklist to weed out any jonsas (because ridiculous number of the green stans seem to be jonsas!) I might've missed the first time around with GoT. But what's absolutely baffling is how many claim to be feminists. I'll go to their blog to block them and their bio will be something like "She/her, feminist" and it's just like... what kind of mental acrobatics do you have to be doing to believe that??

Let's see, shall we? Just off the top of my head, jonsas (and fairly often Sansa's more... "special" stans) like to

Put down Dany and Arya for not being "feminine enough" (i.e. their ideal femininity, which ig means women can't be anything else). As if expecting women to conform to a standard of what's "feminine enough" isn't part of the problem :/

Constantly claim Sansa can't be held accountable for her mistakes because she's a child, but then regularly claim another child is unforgivable for her mistakes and should die for it

Imply (and sometimes even say) that Dany shouldn't be breaking the wheel. You mean the patriarchy? You, an alleged feminist, don't think the patriarchal system ASoIaF has is awful and dumb??

Suggest that Jon is actually going to politically manipulate Dany by pretending to love her but really he's doing it for Sansa. That is... disgusting on more levels than I could count, but I'll simplify it to "wanting to see an ending where a woman is manipulated sexually and then murdered by her male lover when she's no longer useful is gross and you should feel gross" because apparently they can't read at more than a 2nd grade level

Ignore the fact that this already-misogynistic plotline would be, in their dreams, so the man can get together with their favorite woman instead. Because putting down a woman like a dog in favor of another woman isn't bad, apparently

Absolutely hate the fact that Dany is a subversion of the prophecied hero trope because she's the "Princess who was promised". This would be a wonderful twist on the trope instead of the sexist "but actually it was the man all along!" one, which has been done to death already

Crack jokes about Dany being infertile and how that would "make Sansa a better wife for Jon, bc she can give him an heir". Ah yes, implying it's a woman's duty and purpose to have kids and that anyone who can't is broken. Wonderful example of feminist rhetoric, you guys

And this very much extends to the green stans too! Little wonder so many stansas seem to love Alicent, since they're both "women who have to suffer through the patriarchy". Let's see what our precious, definitely-feminist Alicent has done, shall we?

The big one: actively trying to prevent a woman from rising to the Throne so she can be replaced by her son, a man

The son, I should add, being utterly unfit to rule and she knows it (unless she's absolutely fucking stupid, there's no way she could not know Aegon would be a bad king). I mean, he assaulted serving staff, disappears to the slums to watch his bastards fight to the death, and when he was supposed to be king he fled. Rulership material indeed :/ But Alicent seems to think a penis makes him suited to rule despite all that

Straight-up admits that Viserys was less suited to rule than Rhaenys on account of temperament... but then in the next breath ask Rhaenys to help her uphold the male succession that fucked her over, in favor of a man even less suitable for kingship than Viserys was

And on the note of the serving girl... silencing rape victims is not feminist. At all. I recognize HotD's societal standards are different, but idk, they sure like to apply modern standards like war crimes to Dany and Rhaenyra so I think I'll do the same here

Resents Rhaenyra for finding happiness in her own relationships. Look, what happened to her was awful and I felt bad for her, but once she turned around and started putting other women down for not suffering like she did, instead of trying to see the system that caused her suffering ended... that's where she went wrong. (Also I feel like reminding everyone Laenor was gay. Did greens want Nyra to maritally rape her husband?? How dare a woman have an enjoyable sex life)

Book Alicent legitimately hoped that "mayhaps the whore will die in childbirth" because that's absolutely a feminist girlboss thing to say

Look, I have no problem with people liking or even defending either character for some of their actions. Even I'd admit the Greens are fun to watch despite being in the wrong, and that Sansa's bullying means her arc has potential for character growth towards realizing her ideal femininity is wrong. But when their stans start attacking other women for not accepting and conforming to the system? That's why I usually see urls/lots of posts about these characters as a red flag

If you're one of these people and I somehow haven't already blocked you? Please go outside and work on the internalized misogyny a bit before you claim to be feminist

[veilchenjaeger]

please please please please make a case for the specific kind of dyke xue yang is pleaaaaase <3

!

I am very, very tired, so I don't know how coherent I'm capable of being, but I'll try my best!

One interesting thing about Xue Yang is the way his non-conformity with societal rules works, because he imo utterly does not give a fuck about the society around him and the way he relates to it, outside of the fact that he doesn't fit in. (With some exceptions, of course.) I read him as kind of having an attitude that can be somewhat summarised in three points, which are:

Society expects certain things, and other people play the game of society by either conforming or not conforming to these things. Xue Yang is highly aware of societal expectations and moral ideals how they're in conflict with what people actually do. He sees through the elaborate dance of social norms and interactions, he knows all the steps, he just thinks it's a stupid dance.

He does whatever he wants. He's not bound by societal conventions in any way; he makes his decisions according to what does and doesn't feel good to him personally. (That isn't entirely true because he's still influenced by society, but I'd say it's mostly true.)

He is important; society and other people are not. He knows how he and his actions are seen and judged, but it doesn't matter, so he'll just go ahead doing what he does! (It does matter to him. Deep down, it does. But that's imo restricted to his anger and hurt at being considered worthless or monstrous, and not as related to any specific actions others judge him for.)

So, Xue Yang's style of non-conformity is drastically different from e.g. Song Lan's. Song Lan cares about society. He deliberately places himself in opposition to its norms, because he sees them as harmful and hopes to change that. Thus, he takes part in that dance, even though the steps he chooses are different. Like, even deliberate subversion of and non-conformity with societal norms in some way reproduce these norms. (Which in itself is a completely neutral thing; subversion and non-conformity are reactions to something and kind of depend on that thing existing in the first place.) Every action is a dialogue with society. And I don't necessarily think that Xue Yang isn't in a dialogue with society, but he goes about it in a different way. He doesn't choose his steps, he just moves, no matter whether he ends up going with the flow or not. He's currently on his way to the buffet table.

(Xiao Xingchen doesn't know the dance. He's stepped on Song Lan's feet thrice already.)

Introductory meta done. Now onto dyke Xue Yang.

To preface that, of course everyone who reclaims the term "dyke" is a dyke, no matter how they present. I'm going with this term partially because it is so vague, partially because it's connected to rebellion and has the same "You think I'm worthless and insult me? Fuck you, I'm going to own everything you despise me for so hard that you'll have no power at all over me" vibe Xue Yang has, and partially because, when used to describe an aesthetic rather than an individual person or a group, it evokes certain images for me that imo fit Xue Yang pretty well. If there's a more precise word for that aesthetic, I don't know it. I'm going to argue in favour of dyke aesthetic Xue Yang, and there are two main points I want to address.

One, Xue Yang's non-conformity is so volatile that I don't think it would fit into a certain category. There's something deliberate about things like being butch or femme, both in terms of these labels having a certain history in a community (I don't think Xue Yang would see herself as part of a queer community, at all) and in terms of the societal dance. It's a specific way of choosing your steps. For Song Lan, that sort of deliberate non-conformity works super well imo because canon Song Lan is so deliberate about the way he doesn't conform! For Xue Yang, I doubt she'd think about things like the way she performs her gender. It doesn't matter. She does what feels good, no matter whether that's inconsistent or fits into any categories. Again, I don't think Xue Yang has the drive to seek out other people who share her experiences or identify with anyone else, which is after all a part of giving the way you do queerness a specific label and arguably a part of openly performing that kind of queerness in the first place.

This isn't particularly uncommon or anything; most lesbians are neither butch nor femme. But on top of that, Xue Yang also doesn't give a shit about conforming or belonging to anything else, so I imagine that the way she looks is... maybe not blatantly, visibly queer? Because that would require her to want to look queer, but also not not visibly queer, because she'd entirely ignore cisheteronormative ideals of How To Dress.

Which brings us to the second point, which is the question of how removed from the dance of society Xue Yang actually is. Bc I think there are some things she would care about. Considering his CQL aesthetics especially, but also in the novel, Xue Yang is edgy! He named his sword Jiangzai! All the not giving a shit about society aside, there is one thing Xue Yang does imo care about performing, and that is the very fact that he doesn't give a shit about society. Which of course stems from the way he was harmed by the prevalent social structure and the hurt he compensates for with his blatant disregard for any kind of morals or propriety. So, like, dyke Xue Yang would still care about looking different, maybe in some way that seems somewhat dangerous and certainly in a way that gives a middle finger to everyone who'd disapprove.

And I genuinely think that might be anything! I can truly see Xue Yang dress in anything from a full biker suit to a 2014 Babymetal stage outfit - the crucial point imo is that she'd always look different, slightly to the left from anything you could give a name to or put your finger on. It would probably be something at least vaguely practical - she needs to be prepared to stab people and wouldn't want to be held back by her clothes of all things - but that's about it. I think that general vibe - neither truly GNC nor truly conforming to anything, neither masculine nor fully feminine nor deliberately androgynous, but always visibly different from the cishet norm - fits the term "dyke" pretty well.

Also, I just think she'd wear knockoff Doc Martens.

[godsstrongestwhmfucker]

Barbenheimer: Hell is Real and We Built It

Last night I decided to commit to the meme of watching both Barbie and Oppenheimer on the same day. I had a bit of a mix up with the movie theaters, turns out that constructing movie theaters following the philosophy of Californian Starbucks is actually detrimental, but I digress. I was fortunate enough to have a two hour break between both of these films in order to let them properly digest. In fact, they’re still being broken down as I write them, so my thoughts are a bit more sporadic than I would usually have them when committing my thoughts to text. I have nothing but good things to say about both films, plotwise, I’ll try to stay away from any major spoilers, focusing more on themes rather than the story aspects of both stories. The Oppenheimer section will be riddled with spoilers, but I will mention that when we get there so you may skip that section.

Barbie was a bit of a shocker to me. I’m no stranger to stories that like to get on their soapbox, but Barbie was strikingly different. I wasn’t annoyed at the message the same way I was in regards to The Alchemist or Netflix’s Sabrina: The Teenage Witch. I make the connection between those three as they are incredibly loud about what they’re trying to tell you, they break a very fundamental rule of writing I hold very close to me: Show, don’t tell. None of those three tell as much as line up a series of megaphones directly next to your ear and yell their message, but Barbie executed that in an oddly entertaining way that felt real, felt genuine. When watching the characters loudly exclaim the issues of society, it’s not the writers telling me that patriarchal attitudes make life as a woman difficult, it’s someone’s mom venting to her friends, it’s raw.

The movie very loudly exclaims the issues of American, hell, Global patriarchal issues and the division it causes in men and the problems it causes women. Any system in which one group is the one in control inevitably oppresses the other while creating mass expectations for the oppressor that in turn are a source of anxiety and depression. Being in the position of power in turn chains us from any form of self-expression and creates societal expectations for the oppressor group. We refer to this issue in men as toxic masculinity (TM).

This is the opposite side of what we’re going to call Testosterone Poisoning (TP). TP is a voluntary and conscious thing, me taking action to look like a refrigerator with limbs because it’s what I want and it’s what makes me happy is entirely different to (TM). TM is doing things not because it’s what makes me happy, but because of the societal expectations that have been imposed upon me. To put it in layman’s terms, TP leads to himbos and TM leads to Andrew Tate. TP is self-actualization through masculinity, being masculine is your personality, you show up to the party driving the biggest fucking obnoxious vehicle but still give the right of way because in your meathead brain God has constructed you to be the epitome of goodness and virtue. You are the second coming of Christ with 3 scoops of protein. TM is none of that, as it fails at the act of self-actualization and instead follows the concept of conformity, you are no longer Todd, you are a man.

Which leads to my next point, why is that bad? It’s the dissolution of identity. Mike works out because he’s Mike, he likes lifting heavy objects because it’s a way for him to cool off after work. Todd works out to pick up chicks because some dude on the internet told him women like huge arms(which studies have actually disproven, women actually prefer you have a massive dumpy) and that he needs to have sex to be a man. I’m not going to say much other than Ken himself doesn’t actually like the image of what a man is in a patriarchal society and states he didn’t even like it at all nor that he found joy in it. The expectations of society to fit in to a specific gender norm/expectation made him unhappy, even if he was in a position of power. Combating the issue for women is just as problematic, though. Barbie and the mother acknowledge this in the end, as Barbie realizes that following these societal expectations of what female empowerment are accidentally have become her own chains. Society itself is a prison that we created ourselves because every idea of what we should be is shoved down our throats. You cannot be happy with yourself because of society's own expectations and fighting those expectations confronts you with more expectations of what the counterculture should be. If you’re a woman, in any position, say astronaut, you’re no longer just an astronaut. You’re a role model, you’re someone that all little girls should aspire to be. Anything you do will be judged because the society we live in simply does not want you to succeed.

Being happy with yourself in any society that does not see all as equal is simply not acceptable. As a man, you have to fulfill certain requirements to maintain that image of masculinity because it's expected of you, you are not yourself, you are a man, and you should act like one. As a woman, don’t you dare step out of line or we will find faults in you in every way possible. Don’t be single either, because you “aren’t complete” unless you’re in a relationship. Think about that for a second. Consider how many people online think that all their problems will be solved by having someone in their life and think about how many times you’ve heard the line “You complete me” in film. Again, society expects things from you, that you can’t self-actualize until you’re in a relationship. You’re not allowed to be happy until that American Nuclear Family ideology happens, because that’s what a happy ending *should* be, but is it? I’m not going to answer that for you, but finding out that I’m a massive Bible-Thumper and High Fantasy nerd did more for my mental health than any relationship I’ve been in.

I’m going to take a minute in regards to Allan(Michael Cera). Allan is perfect, Allan doesn’t abide by the gender norms, he is not “a man,” he’s Allan. Allan, if anything, is disgusted by the societal expectations of society and finds happiness in staying Allan. In a place where all the Kens choose to adopt the same personality, Allan retains himself as Allan and chooses to escape because that society is detrimental to his own self-being. I relate with Allan, it’s hard not to. Young boys are told not to play with dolls, like the color pink, or even grow their hair out sometimes, because it’s simply not “manly.” I’ve grown up with that, I’ve been told that having my hair at chest length is too girly and that I should cut it or even shave my head because that’s what guys do. Thankfully, there’s been a change in that, but you can see where I’m going with this. The patriarchy sucks. It’s a prison, for both men and women. Individuality is dead and the patriarchal attitudes don’t allow for people to exist for who they are, they must conform.

*Oppenheimer Spoilers*

Now that we’ve gone through that, let’s talk about Oppenheimer. I like to think we are all good, that no human is evil, but rather misguided, corrupted by the society in which we exist. Wars are never about good versus evil, they are conflicts of ideology. We can definitely argue that one side is “evil,” but any villain never considers themselves as such. No sane man would ever kill another willingly, yet, in war, it happens. We dehumanize the “enemy,” they are no longer people, they are rats, they are roaches, they are vermin. We do not kill, we eliminate the problem. War does not make heroes, it makes monsters.

Alfred Nobel invented dynamite for the sake of improving safety conditions in the creation of canals, but was labeled a “merchant of death” by the news as his explosives were used for war. Richard Gatling invented the gatling gun believing that it would diminish the need for large armies. Oppenheimer led the Manhattan Project with the idea of creating one as a deterrence against the Nazis of ever using one on the basis of mutually assured destruction.

Oppenheimer fell into the same problem as his predecessors. He had revolutionized wars.

In one scene, they are discussing which places to target with nuclear weapons. Kyoto is immediately stricken off the list. Not for any particular reason other than one of the individuals there really likes vacationing there. The deaths of hundreds or thousands isn’t the problem. The problem is creating an inconvenience. The Japanese did some horrendous things during WWII, but what do random civilians have to do with anything? Nothing, and that was all they were worth. They are set pieces, they are not even a number.Their lives do not matter anywhere near as much as someone’s vacation being ruined. The atomic bomb created a massive gap in power, one so great that the so-called enemy isn’t even dehumanized, they are not even ants. Ants at least are knowingly exterminated when seen, but the lives of the Japanese people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki weren’t. War does not create heroes, it makes monsters.

The invention of the nuclear bomb created an arms race that the US is still economically recovering from. It created a world in which a fight between major powers dare not target each other out of fear of complete annihilation. A world where it’s no longer about strategy, manpower, or ideology, but who has the biggest bomb and how many of them? Oppenheimer and the researchers in the Manhattan Project had created a world in flames.

Both movies show that every act of villainy or evil is something we have fabricated. That much in the same way God has created us in his image, we have created the Devil in our own. We forge the same chains that bind us. The ones we use to dominate others, end up around our own necks. Every good intention paves another brick towards our own personal Hell, one we have already built. We’re just finding our way back home.

[cannibalcreeps]

Do you have any sexuality and/or gender headcanon of Hillikers and Odets?

I do actually! Being as the family don't entirely care for labels, they're not part of society and so societal words and labeling never seems to be a thing for them, but they know what they like and what they don't, they know and understand what male, female and other is, though sexuality names are beyond them.  For the three brothers:

One-Eye: Definitely more on the gender-fluid side, though he does think himself mostly male he would bend towards non-binary with more masculine traits, doesn’t conform to societal expectations or rules of what they expect men should look and be like, he simply does what he enjoys and if he finds it fun and enjoyable he’ll wear whatever clothing to express what he is feeling may it be dresses, skirts, shorts or button ups.  Though he treats these as more for ‘special’ dress up times and not as a casual, everyday wear as he does wear casual clothing that fit him well for practicality, not going to waste a nice pretty dress while on a hunt.  His sexuality is just as fluid, anyone flirting with him gets him bashful and would not say no to a good fun time with anyone willing to be with him, would be considered pansexual.  Three-Fingers: Not as fluid as One-Eye and does see himself as male, but is confident in his sexuality and gender, will wear what he wants and express the way he wants and definitely prefers skirts and overalls over mostly any other clothing for that good comfort.  Similar to his brothers he’d be pansexual, sexuality has never been much of a concern and will get down and dirty with anyone from a man, woman, trans, nb or other, as long as he gets to fuck and bite them, he is down for it.  Saw-Tooth: Is not fluid like his brothers and sticks with more male-centric expression in attire and traits, so more so cisgender, but clothing is clothing in his eyes and will wear what he can for comfort and practicality, unlike his two youngest brothers who will wear things for looks and expression as well, Saw-Tooth has never cared for such things about himself but is happy to support his brothers in everyway.  Sexuality is ‘as long as I’m the only one giving it to you’ kind of deal, he will pound anyone as long as he isn’t the one receiving and is in control at all times, so just as pansexual as his brothers 

Just three Pan brothers.  the Odets:  Pa: Is very cis-masculine, expresses himself in what he perceives to be a fatherly male role for his family, but in a way that it’s more softer and loving than that of the outside world. Never truly seeing a pure example of the outside worlds views on the male gender, he’s had to make a mash-up of what he’s witnessed from same male victims and putting his own spin on it in what he believes a healthy family should require with a father.  He considers sexuality to be “straight”, but where he prefers ciswomen, transwomen and NB people who present as femme, either way as long as they’re not cis men, transmen or presenting male or even neither.   Ma: Expresses herself in what she perceives to be as a cisgendered woman, enjoys being femme, though her expression as a woman is through how she presents herself in clothing and what she has seen in victims who are women. Takes up a sharing leadership role alongside Pa, seeing womanhood to be strong and caring for her ‘husband’ and children.  Her sexuality being more open and fluid, though it may feel similar to her three other brothers, she is actually more demisexual and needing that connection before it goes anywhere else. 

[johannestevans]

watched Hope Springs (2012)

review on letterboxd

You know, Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones have a great deal of chemistry here and they both play such believable characters, and like… On a purely interpersonal level, this is a story about a couple who learn to seek out intimacy with one another again, who begin the process of communicating with one another, after years of letting that work fall by the wayside, after losing the thread of intimacy with one another.

Of course, it's fucking impossible to watch a movie like this purely interpersonally. These are straight people in a straight marriage. Much of their situation comes from the intentional isolation that cishetero patriarchy creates in couples like this in an individualistic society, especially older couples.

There's a moment where Meryl Streep's character is discussing with their therapist going, "[My husband] is everything. He's everything. But I'm so lonely. And I can't help but feel I'd be less lonely alone." and she's entirely correct in saying that - Tommy Lee Jones does not echo the same sentiment, only that he doesn't want to be alone, doesn't want to split up.

Because she's a woman and he's a man, and so much of her expected identity is in being a mother and most particularly a wife, she does not have the same social opportunities or abilities that he does to escape a marriage without judgement, or to explore different and new connections.

Like, this movie is so bleak in places because the decision was made to run with a very limited cast, but in making that choice and not at least mentioning or referencing other friends or community, it comes off in-universe that these two have 0 friends or people around them except for their coworkers, their son, his wife, and grandchild, and Steve Carrell, their new therapist. That's fucking haunting.

There's other stuff to be discussed here, like… Notably, I think, how Meryl Streep's character is concerned about being reduced to a sex object, and at no point does this film dig into the nitty-gritty of WHY these two characters feel the way that they do about sex and about each other - why didn't they communicate in the first place? Why is frank and candid discussion about sex so hard? Why do they fear the ways in which they desire each other and are desired by each other? When the domestic and emotional labour is split in the way it is in this household, how can they explore sex on an equal playing field? Why are they so isolated from other people?

Because to do so would be to address the underpinnings of the cold societal rules they feel forced to adhere to.

Like, this movie is really trying so hard to be sweet and nice and isn't this wholesome, and it's just like… Yeah, it's great that they're fucking again and that they're a bit happier on the surface, but ultimately their relationship is still so unequal, and one side of the partnership is far more vulnerable than the other side, because those power dynamics continue to go unaddressed or even recognised.

Some cishet movies are rife with cishetero ideology, and this one is particularly sad because like… It comes off as utterly clueless rather than intentional, and somehow that's worse and more tragic.

[rosemariad]

SPN Season 8

Dean & Cas ended up in purgatory 😨

But Cas had disappeared just before the end of the S7 finale, so its going to be interesting to see where he went. Dean, meanwhile is totally fucked up, which makes sense cuz he was stuck in purgatory for a year. To me, he's become more militant than ever, like his father was after John lost Mary. Doubt John would have worked with a vampire but it seems like new ally Benny was Dean's only way out of there so 🤷

Interesting that Dean said purgatory was pure to him. I guess it was basically simplifying his life down to fighting monsters and having someone at his side to help him through. Also I interpreted it as he was so far removed from normal life, for conventional norms and societal expectations. The rules were different in purgatory, which was basically to survive, no matter what, which Dean managed to do the whole time he was there. So anything else he did, didn't really matter, because everything/everyone else around him was a monster, supernatural creatures, who don't care about anything humans do. In a way, you could say Dean was free to be whoever he wanted to be, just you know in a place full of ravenous beasts.

Sam buddy, how could you neglect Kevin like that, smh 🙄, he was counting on you. Did his new ex-girlfriend die by the way? Cuz considering Sam's track record, my money's on dead.

When they were interrogating the prisoner and Dean flashbacked to his time in purgatory interrogating a monster, yikes. Yup, Dean is definitely fucked up. I mean more so than before.

Kevin's mom may be a tiger mom, but she is a total badass 😎

We finally see Cas again, it was cute seeing Dean hug Cas after finding him again. It made sense that Cas would be on the run to protect Dean, but it would be nicer to see them survive together. Maybe we'll see that in the next couple of episodes?

Garth came back! It was nice to see him again. I guess his Bobbyisms (that's what I'm calling it) were his way to honor Bobby since he's dead 😔 RIP Bobby.

Dean yelled at him :/ not cool Dean, but Garth stood up to him, good on you Garth!

Cas returned to the world finally. But I agree him just showing up again out of nowhere is hella shady, but of course heaven is behind it. We meet Naomi, who seems controlling and manipulative like all the other heavenly beings on the show, so greaaat!

Poor Samandriel 😔

Cas is still taking things so literally, its hilarious!

Cas wants to be a hunter like the Winchesters. But they were so mean to him, being all condescending like yeah we get it Cas is an odd fellow who doesn’t know how interact with humans or understand their behavior as only fellow humans do. The cartoon stuff was interesting, something new and funny.

Benny's a great grandpa? Are we just going to ignore that? Dean you think you slick not telling the vampire you hit on his descendant? That storyline had a tragic end, doubt we'll be seeing his great granddaughter again…

Sam and his overarching story with this latest girlfriend of his - I'm just waiting for the part where she dies - again nothing personal that’s just what I’ve come to expect. That was cold of Dean to make Sam think Amelia was in danger. Like dude the what the hell. If it had been Dean, worse shit would have popped off.

😭 Samandriel is still getting tortured, so again I say, poor Samandriel and then he gets killed by Cas who was getting mini flashbacks of being tortured himself by Naomi. Poor little angel dudes 🥺

The LARP episode! I was looking forward to this one! I know about Dean's actor falling in the blooper reel, they made it into a whole thing in the conventions around the time… 😂

Charlie’s back, and as the queen of the LARPing stuff. Cool! But she got her chances of getting with a fairy ruined by the Winchesters, of course!

When Charlie and Dean mentioned the same porn star by name 😂🤣🤣

That little Braveheart scene at the end was so corny 🤣

It was interesting and somewhat ironic that Sam and Dean meet their grandpa who they never knew of, since their dad lost contact with him when he was really young, and that he was part of this (club?) group called the Men of Letters who are apparently this organization with books on supernatural creatures, spells, etc. their grandpa had no respect for regular hunters 🤣🤣🤣🤣

RIP Grandpa Winchester. And we have a new villain – Abbadon

Kevin you poor bastard, all isolated and run ragged from your duties as a prophet. He really got a raw deal when Castiel plucked him into this shit.

Sarah noooooooo RIP 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And Castiel, honey you should know better. I mean the minute that bitch ass Metatron was talking about trials and what has to be done, I knew he was playing you. Honey no!!!! 😔🤦🏾‍♀️

One last thing - y’all thought I’d forget didn’t you. I could never!!!

Dean buddy - wtf is up this season.

First you stay a whole ass year for an angel you were previously mad at.

You had some sort of intense relationship (I’m not even sure what to call it) with benny the vamp (I felt like there was so much more unseen)

A guy flirts with you when you’re acting as an FBI agent, and it flusters you completely, referring to it henceforth as ‘your gay thing’ in tones that make it seem commonplace. Is it commonplace, Dean? Cuz Sam wasn’t the only one who did a double-take

When Castiel beats you and has you on your knees, you beg him telling him you need him. OML!

You get all sad when Naomi says you’re expecting Cas to return to you UGH!

Seriously WTF Dean?!?!?!?!

[wanderingandfound]

Well I woke up at fucking five eighteen am so I might as well make this post while I have time.

I enjoy the feminist, queer-normative settings that fandom (at least by surface level appearances) tries to make, but with Dungeon Meshi I'm seeing people take that shallow fun fandom interpretation and then.... ignore the actual setting?

Like hetero marriage with the intention to produce offspring is a big deal here. My understanding is that Falin and Laios were both engaged as children. Chilchuck and his wife had two of their daughters before they were considered adults. In Laios's party pre-canon there was a female character there only looking for a husband, at least to Chilchuck's understanding and he's pretty decent at figuring out human motivations.

Falin is 23, tall-man maturity is 16 and life expectancy in 60. If she wasn't an adventurer (from what I can tell, it's a more disreputable field than other careers) who cares more about dungeons and her brother than societal norms, she would probably be expected to have a husband already.

People give Toshiro so much grief for proposing to her out of nowhere, and I've only finished volume nine of the manga so I don't know if this gets more detailed later, but like, they had been in the same party for a few years at this point? Like yeah, Toshiro doesn't know her as well as Marcille and Laios do, but it's clear he was trying to get to know her better. One of his frustrations with Laios is that Laios kept crashing his attempted dates with Falin!

Here's the thing, all these characters are beautifully flawed as fuck. But the disproportionate hate I've seen towards Toshiro is bad and probably racist. Toshiro is not just fantasy-Japanese, he's also nobility and racially marked as Other on the island. As such, he has so many rules for etiquette/manners/propriety he's operating under. And we have seen that he is rather quiet and withdrawn (he didn't correct anyone about what his name is, when he told his party thank you they started crying, he regrets that he didn't tell Falin how he felt even though he did propose to her suggesting that his proposal was more formal (as befitting someone of his class!!!) than emotional). You know who else is quiet? Falin. She doesn't give Toshiro an answer to his proposal, doesn't seem to talk about it with others, was ostracized in her hometown and at magic school and when Marcille took an interest in her work she decided to just show Marcille the dungeon with minimal explanation as she went, after her first resurrection Laios makes her promise not to sacrifice herself again but he doesn't say "sacrifice" he says "don't do that again" and doesn't catch her quiet protestations that she doesn't know what she did, and she promises anyways! Heck, one of the ways we know she is just as into all of this as her brother is how animated she gets when she finds out they've been eating monsters.

I'm not familiar with Japanese current and historical cultural norms and fantasy tropes. I am sure there's nuance to Toshiro's characters that I'm unaware of. But I don't think we should take Chilchuck's and Mickbell's commentary of his proposal being out of nowhere as if that's the objective truth, and not also informed by their halfling (and presumably commoner) cultural background. Like, fuck, iconic romantic lead of English literature Mr. Darcy has a lot in common with Toshiro, and at least when the latter first proposed there was no open animosity between him and the object of his affections!

Do I ship Toshiro/Falin? No, not particularly. But for a fandom that is very defensive of the autistic characters (and rightly so) I see not a lot of grace being extended to someone whose communication issues are wrapped up in Following The Rules, Not Improvising, and Staying Quiet About Your Feelings.

Anyways, my second issue with people ignoring the heteronormative aspect of the setting is people outright saying that Marcille is motivated mainly by her romantic interest in Falin. Which. I love subtext and shipping but not at the cost of the actual text! Not that sapphic love is simple, but some of the takes I've seen (and I'm talking about longer, intentional analysis, not memes) ignore the nuances we see play out on the page and how Marcille's feelings are a somewhat complicated tangle that she seems to ignore with a philosophy of "it's fine and if it isn't then I will make it fine!" Like, I ship Marcille/Falin more than any other pairing in this show, but I feel that romantic interpretations should enrich and interweave and support the other feelings that are there (fear of others dying before her, first friend, the way after Falin's first resurrection Marcille was like "oh I don't care how you've grown you're still the same little kid to me" because change is scary and time brings death and also by elven standards Marcille isn't an adult yet either). Not bulldoze and flatten the text to use generic romantic interpretations instead.

Dungeon Meshi has such beautiful and thoughtful worldbuilding. There's both fantasy racism informed by biological distinctions, and real-world racism informed by differences in appearances and culture. There's complex ecosystems both in the plants and animals and in the human (and demihuman) societies. The backgrounds of every character inform their choices. Different cultural groups have different beauty standards, and their ages (and gender presentation? not sure how much of that has been intentional and how much has been a mistranslation) are misinterpreted by people not in their group (Namari (who has presumably been around tall-men her whole life unlike Senshi who didn't know halflings were their own thing) referring to Falin, someone she has known for quite a while now, as being a teenager to forties).

Again I'm only on volume 9, but I've been told that there is a canon lesbian in the manga. And without knowing who she is, I feel like she's the exception that proves the rule? Dungeon Meshi was released 2014–2023. I'm arguing that the heteronormativity in this world is intentional, not incidental. Dungeon Meshi has a lot to say about family, including adoptive family (Kaka and Kiki, Kabru, Senshi, Thistle) and so far all the adoptive parents have either been in hetero relationships or single. I think the absence of queer relationships is intentional, and while I'm all for queering the text I am more interested in what that queerness looks like in a heteronormative setting that values marriage and children, rather than just ignoring the setting so that queerness itself is not a source of conflict.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (242): Sun 13th Nov 2022

In the motorbike ride to work today I yawned and my jaw locked up. To passers by I must have looked like the little girl from The Ring had killed me while I was riding the bike. This hasn’t happened in quite a while and I thought I was passed it so I was a bit pissed off that it had happened again. I had to pull over and click my jaw back into place. After I sorted myself out I resumed the journey to work and cursed the fact that this hadn’t happened while o was working for TSB. If I showed up to work at a call centre with lockjaw then they would have had to send me home for the rest of the day. However lockjaw is fuck all use to someone who works in a warehouse. Hell, they probably would have told me to get the fuck to work and to use my open mouth to store my scanning device.

I was pleased to learn that Jerry Sadowitz apparently almost sold out his Hammersmith Apollo gig the other night. I was gutted that I couldn’t go (but in hindsight happy that in didn’t book the trip because it turns out I was contracted to do compulsory overtime in the run up to Christmas). It was absolute bullshit that Jerry had his Edinburgh show cancelled so I’m glad that after all that he will have gotten a decent payday for this show and apparently the other dates on the tour sold out as now people were more aware of the man who brands himself “the world’s most offensive comedian”. As much as Jerry complains about his lack of success I think even he realizes that he can’t be successful or else his act wouldn’t work. You can’t make derogatory jokes about minorities if you are a multimillionaire living in a mansion (unless you’re Dave Chappell but he’s the exception that proves the rule). Sadowitz gets away with the hideous things he says in his act because he (or at least his stage persona) is at the bottom rung of the societal ladder and so any time he insults someone it’s always punching up.

I messaged the organisers of The Sitcommission if the competition was coming back and they told me that it was opening for entrants in January. I’m going to spend the next month rewriting the script I wrote last year but got sidetracked and didn’t finish it. In order to get the script into the first draft stage I followed Graham Linehan’s advice of writing lots of funny ideas on cards then trying to find patterns in all the different ideas and eventually form a plot. Since then I read a piece of advice from legendary (and possibly fictional) Simpsons writer Jon Swartzwelder who says that the best way to write a script is to write the first draft in one day. This draft will be shit but then the next day you go back and fix it, trying to make each line just a little bit funnier. I was really fucking proud of myself for actually managing to finish the first and then second draft of my script and just by comparing it to the shitty scripts I wrote for the competition before I can tell that this advice has really helped. The unfortunate thing is that for this competition you’re encouraged to submit “Episode One” or your show rather than a “pilot episode”. The reason for this (which is apparently common practice in the comedy industry) is that a pilot episode is spent introducing characters and detailing what the the show about and will contain the most exposition of any episode. Commissioners don’t want these scripts because all the other scripts aren’t going to be like this and they want examples of what a typical episode of your show will look like.  The script I’ve written is very much a pilot episode because when I started I didn’t know what it was going to be and I discovered the premise as I wrote it. This means I’m going to have to write an entire episode from scratch but hopefully Linehan and Swartzwelder’s advice will prove invaluable. I’m not expecting to win the competition because the standard is usually quite high and I’m not a professional comedy writer. However with this competition which is judged by actual comedy writers you can request feedback on your script even if it isn’t selected for the final stage. All I’m really hoping for is that the judges think that my sitcom “has potential” or “isn’t shit”.

[mcmoth]

No, but actually..... why are people looking up to c!Techno as good anarchist representation? Why did people ever even expect him to be that? Like.... guys. This is mine/craft. This is fucking mine/craft, where society and rules work Very differently from real life, and governments are all just small villages At Most. If even that. Why did..... why did anyone ever freaking expect accurate anarchist representation out of that???

I actually, geniunely, believe that Techno deciding to 'learn actual anarchist theory' after season 1 was one of the worst decisions he made with his character, which, in turn, affected the whole story. Because while Techno's season 1 anarchism was stereotypical and very inaccurate to anarchism irl, it was grounded in the world it was placed in. It was simple enough that it worked in the dsmp setting, and it allowed Techno to be morally dubious without having to represent some specific irl ideology. But with him reading on it after.... he was. Taking theory. Of irl concepts, very specific and societal irl concepts, that are simply impossible to equate to the dsmp fully, and just. Showed them in there. No Longer was his character's stance actually rooted in what the character could reasonably be thinking, it was Rooted in this theory that cc!Techno read on on real life issues. And that.... obviously muddled things.

Because besides the Obvious issues that arise from trying to apply such complex and historical problems to a minecraft smp, I think it.... sort of bred into the issue of c!Techno never actually going out and trying to learn about the world around him. It was just "oh, a government? Well, i'm just gonna assume it means this specific thing that I know from outside knowledge and Therefore it's Bad," meaning he never had to actually go in and try to learn why these specific organizations were bad!! And even then, if we take it from a more thematic lens, of just from his perspective, of overthrowing governments in a more symbolic way..... that. Still doesn't work? Because the fact remains that Techno has never actually went out and targeted the government for oppressing it's citizens past season 1 - it has Always been about it hurting him specifically, and only him. So don't you think it kinda makes it... more flawed to apparently intentionally invoke real life ideology in that?? To say, "yeah, this is actually what i'm representing", and then do it like that???

Like. Idk guys... while c!Techno's character remains fascinating to me in all these flaws, I can't help but wonder how much more solidly he could have been done if he had actually been written with intent to fit into the Actual Setting and Story he was placed in. And while I get how this could be valuable representation to some, to me, it feels very odd placed and flawed, to the point that I think the actual message it ends up sending is a lot more negative than what people would like to believe, and what was probably the intent.

Sorry for the techno neg ramble, I just haven't seen anyone else echo this, so I wanted to put it out. Hope my wording is understandable.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hello. I had a question regarding your post about blind characters. I have a character in my WIP that must cover their eyes.. but it’s blind. He may need to tell people he is blind to explain why he covers his eyes though. I was wondering how I might write this character without offending. Thank you :)

I think I want to start by explaining the “covering blind eyes” trope and why it has become a harmful trope. I think understanding why it’s hurtful helps everyone learn how to handle it better.

I would guess that the “blind people wear sunglasses” trope comes from Hollywood for the specific reason of 1. wanting to signal to the audience that the character is obviously blind and 2. avoid breaking the suspension of disbelief by preventing the audience from catching the sighted actor look at visual stimuli (because disabled characters are almost always played by able actors).

But this changed the way the public expects to experience blindness. If watching a sighted actor wear sunglasses and say he’s blind is all the exposure to the blind community a person has had, that’s the only model of blindness they’ll recognize. If they meet a blind person in real life who doesn’t wear sunglasses, it’s going to break this built perception and cause an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. 

And then there is the common “cloudy-white blank gaze” that pops up in media. It stems from the fact that cataracts is the most common cause of blindness and the appearance of severe cataracts is a cloudy film in the eyes obscuring the iris and pupil. It can also alter what color a person’s eyes appears to be, making them appear paler and grey in the beginning and then as the cataract advances it becomes more yellow/brown and alters a person’s vision to appear more yellow tinted.

There are lots of other eye conditions that makes the eyes look visibly different. Albinism for instance affects the color and structure of the iris. Eyes might be congenitally misshapen. The muscles might be weak or not work and one or both eyes point significantly outward. Someone who was born blind and experienced no visual stimuli might also have weak muscles around their eyes because they never had a reason to focus their eyes on anything.

And unfortunately humans have the habit of feeling uncomfortable when they meet someone who looks very obviously different from the norm, whether that’s a personal style choice (hair color and style, tattoos, clothing choices) or something they can’t help (a visible disability, skin color, scars). 

To the paragraph above, @gothhabiba replied with:  “it's very weird & ahistorical to claim that racism or ableism are some kind of natural "human" trait.. like frankly it's apologia”

You’re right, I wasn’t thinking beyond that generalization or assumption.

Perhaps a better way to put it is: I was raised in a society where I was taught from childhood to think that there was only one kind of human being to be. White, cis, straight, abled, conservative. That’s a very western thing and that’s a thing I’m going to constantly be unlearning.

Racism and ableism and homophobia aren’t innate, that’s a western thing that was forced onto the rest of the world by colonialism. And because western media created this idea that the world is white, abled, cis, straight, and Christian-value leaning, it taught people to think that was the norm so that seeing someone different from that archetype would cause a cognitive dissonance, which causes discomfort.

And instead of working past that cognitive dissonance to learn more and realize there’s so much more to life than media taught you, society encourages you to ignore that cognitive dissonance by sticking your head in the sand-- or TV screen.

So combine these two tropes or common beliefs together and you get something a little dangerous: the idea that blind people cover their eyes because they look obviously different and they’re ashamed (or should be ashamed) of that.

And if you’re someone who’s just gone blind or who was born blind and you have little to no contact with the blind community, then this societal belief that you should be ashamed of how your eyes look becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and further builds internalized ableism.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve read or watched a blind character cover their eyes with sunglasses because they were ashamed of how their eyes looked. And I distinctly remember a few times where a sighted friend of the character was trying to convince them to stop wearing sunglasses because there’s nothing wrong with looking different--which is true, but it plays into this fantasy of being the perfect abled ally who saves the blind character from being miserable. 

In an ideal world, the character has no reason to believe looking different is a bad thing or diminishes their worth or makes people dislike them. And if they develop this belief, it’s more likely that someone more involved in the disabled community, most likely someone disabled themselves, will set them straight. Or that the character will learn to accept themselves on their own, looks included.

But there are some perfectly valid reasons for any blind person to wear sunglasses. They might have an interest in fashion and sunglasses complete the look they’re going for. They could want to protect their eyes from UV rays while they’re outside. They may experience light sensitivity and sunglasses reduces any discomfort or pain. Those are incredibly common reasons to wear sunglasses whether you’re sighted or blind.

But there are some more complicated situations.

In your words, your character must cover his eyes. You never specified why, so my primary guess is that he has some kind of power that is unpleasant or has devastating affects and the only way to prevent it is to keep his eyes covered. My primary guess stems from this post where an anon and I discussed a retelling of Medusa, a hypothetical blinding of oneself to avoid ever killing anyone ever again, and what I think I would do if I was in that scenario.

So how do you write a blind character who must cover their eyes and avoid some of the complications?

1. Your character must always have the ability to say “fuck off, it’s my business, I don’t have to tell you why I’m blind or why I cover my eyes.”

Most blind people really, really don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of why they’re blind and how they feel about it and what it’s like being blind with a stranger they’ll never see again or a new acquaintance they don’t know well yet. You have exceptions to that rule where sure, educating the public about blindness is a thing you want to do and you’re committed to helping your community, but I still have days where I don’t want to talk about being blind or disclose my medical crap.

And if someone doesn’t respect their right to their privacy or pushes too much, the blind character is allowed to be angry, is allowed to tell them off and complain without anyone else in the situation vilifying them or saying they’re “overreacting” and “should have just disclosed private information because big deal or whatever.” If they are angry, that’s their right, and it’s not unreasonable, it doesn’t make them a bad person.

2. Your character should not be ashamed of being blind or of covering their eyes. It is a part of their life, they’re used to it by now, even if they weren’t in the beginning.

The shame and internalized ableism is something that should be written about, but that’s for an own-voices story with a blind author. I don’t think an abled person will ever be able to understand how much society expects you to hate yourself and your disability because “being disabled is a tragic thing that ruins your life” and how that does affect your mental health, self esteem, your relationships with others, your medical care, and what kind of accommodations you can get.

3. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few sarcastic lines in response to uncomfortable conversations.

Stranger: so what’s with the...

Blind Character: what’s with what?

S: the... you know

BC: you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific

S: Your eyes?

BC: They’re... eyes

S: but you’re...

BC: Blind?

S: uh...

BC: yeah, I’m blind. *walks away*

Or this conversation:

S: *to some other character* so why are his eyes covered?

(author’s note: which, honestly, that’s fucking rude. At least have the guts to ask me yourself)

BC: If I look anyone in the eye they instantly perish.

*awkward silence*

BC: instantly.

Friend: It’s truly tragic

BC: *melancholic* that’s how I lost my sister. *chokes up* She was so young

Or this conversation:

S: Why are you wearing that?

BC: It’s called fashion Karen!

Or this conversation:

S: are you like... blind?

BC: yes?? why wouldn’t I be?? Wait, are you sighted? Are you one of those sighted people? You poor thing! What caused you to gain your sight? Do you have a car? A bike? Were you born sighted? What’s it like to see color? Do you miss not having to see 

God, I want a chance to try that last one. I haven’t interacted with a stranger in almost a year. One day...

4. Honestly, it’d also be cool if someone’s reaction to your character covering their eyes was like, “cool sunglasses,” or “cool *insert random character, even one you made up* cosplay,” (which is ten times funnier if this character is a notable figure in modern society like an actor who people might cosplay). 

5. You know, if he’s covering his eyes with some kind of blindfold, he should totally have custom blindfolds for his moods. Like, I have a mask that says “suck it up buttercup” and another that says “not today” because sometimes that’s the mood. And sometimes the mood is one of my floral masks, and sometimes the mood is my cat mask.

So, just some thoughts. I hope that helps.

Edit: a commenter said: “op, unless i'm mistaken this kind of reads like anon meant the character ISN'T blind but lies about being blind to explain covering their eyes? it seems like they made a typo on the word "isn't"”

So my original response to the question was based on the assumption that the character is blind. However,

If the character is not blind, then do not under any circumstances have them lie and say they’re blind to escape a mild inconvenience. 

It’s better to have the character actually explain the situation or straight up leave the conversation or invent a more ridiculous lie than to perpetuate the very real stereotype and misconception that there are people who fake being blind and therefore it’s okay to discriminate or harass them if you even suspect they’re faking.

Do not under any circumstances perpetuate that stereotype. Do not harass someone because you don’t think they’re blind enough.

[yuyupowers]

aristocrat!hongjoong

aristocrat!hoongjong x fem!reader headcanon

genre: fluff, angst

trigger warning(s): swearing, brief violence, mentions of unwanted sexual remarks. let me know if there’s anything else!

author’s note: this is the first time in years that i’ve written something omg 😅 😅 lemme know what you guys think!!  💕 💕

none of the pictures are mine!!

for reference, i’m using british peerage (hierarchy). there are five ranks: baron, viscount, earl (count), marquess, and duke - the highest being duke, and the lowest, baron.

second son of an earl

despite being born into wealth and nobility, i think he’d be pretty grounded and level-headed

has to do with the fact that he’s naturally empathetic and curious

leads to a bit of a rebellious streak

more or less acts according to his parents expectations before them

but often does things that would scandalize them behind their backs

one of his favourite things to do is to sneak out during the manor at night dressed in commoner’s clothes

(which are carefully hidden in the music room)

his older brother takes the brunt of parental and societal pressure to act a certain way, but that doesn’t mean joong is off the hook

aristocracy just has so many god-forsake rules and mannerisms that everyone has to follow

unless they want to disgrace their entire family and lineage

yeaaah,,,

the only places he genuinely feels free are: a) in the music room, and b) exploring the city with you

during the third or fourth time he snuck out, he visited a local tavern.

cue you working as a tavern maiden

after serving him one (1) drink, you could tell that joong wasn’t actually a “commoner”

his clothes might have been worn and cheaply made, but his mannerisms,,,just didn’t match up

he was a little too polite; held himself a little too well

not to mention the hungry gleam of curiosity in his eyes

like everything was new and he was trying to absorb as much as he could

unfortunately for him, you weren’t the only one that noticed

after one too many drinks, some brutish fellows swaggered up to him

“‘ey there pal, ya werldn’t mind ‘anding sum coins over, would ya? ‘elp a brotha out”

joong, who had become a little too brazen thanks to the alcohol, told them to fuck off and stumbled to his feet, ready for a fight

except he couldn’t stand straight

and he didn’t have his sword

not good

luckily for joong, these fellows had been pestering you for the longest time

they were unusually rowdy and loud - which was saying something cause this was a tavern for fuck’s sake

and they constantly threw lewd remarks your way

but they didn’t actually do anything or break any of the tavern’s rules, so you had to serve their drinks with your best forced smile

they didn’t even tip well

assholes

anyways, back to the situation at hand

seeing a fight about to break out - which most definitely was against the rules - you hollered for the owner

“OI, A FIGHT’S ‘BOUT TO BREAK OUT!”

cue an angry-looking, burly man (with quite the ginger beard) and a very angry bar maiden (yes, you) tossing their sorry asses out the back door

joong, who by now had stumbled back into his seat, watched the scene with his mouth agape

to be frank, he’d never seen a woman act the way you did

all the women in his life were meek and docile

like a china doll that would break with one wrong move

they needed to be shielded, protected

clearly, you didn’t need protection

not when you hauled a man twice your size out the door, getting a good sucker punch for all the times they talked about your tits and ass

Right. In. Front. Of. Your. Face.

from that day on, joong became a regular at the tavern

he was careful not to drink as much as he did on the first time, at most getting tipsy

always polite and respectful

a bit on the quieter side, but made pleasant small talk whenever you took his order or served him his drinks

several months passed like this, and you’d become quite fond of him.

definitely helped that he was easy on the eyes

then one night, when he felt a little braver than usual, he invited you on a midnight adventure after your shift

you were pretty tired ngl, but you couldn’t turn him down after seeing the hopeful glimmer in his eyes

and boy, were you glad you didn’t

you don’t think you’ve ever felt so carefree in your life

or had so much fun

racing across bridges, exploring the hidden nooks and crannies of the city

much to your chagrin, joong would buy you (expensive) snacks that you just had to try because “he wasn’t gonna let his favourite girl miss out”

you ignored the fluttery feeling in your tummy

quickly, these “midnight adventures” became a frequent thing

he’d have a drink at the tavern, wait for you to finish your shift, and then the two of you would set off

you learned a lot about joong

of course he would have his spoiled rich boy™ moments-

“what do you MEAN you’ve never tried cane sugar?!” 

“joong, not everyone gets it imported to their house”

but he genuinely just has such a good heart

always listens when you need to rant or vent

(and offers surprisingly practical advice)

never once thought of you as lesser than him for being poor or a commoner

quickly learned that you felt uncomfortable when (in your eyes) he spent too much money on you, so he made sure to be more conscientious

(also gave him a reality check. it forced him to acknowledge the things he didn’t even realize he took for granted)

tells you about all the dumb gossip he hears through the noble grapevine

“who CARES if the color of the fabric is slightly off?! i swear park has a rod up his ass-”

especially loves to tell you about the music he’s composed

even if he gets a little shy at times

cute

he just looks so happy when he talks about music. the way his gums would show when he smiles, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes, the way he’d grab a stick and draw different musical notations in the dirt to show you what he meant

happiness looked good on hongjoong

he even went as far to sneak you into his music room, playing the songs he wrote

and god did he look beautiful

the way the moonlight pooled on his fingers and spilled onto the bone-white piano keys

the way he looked so at ease

the way the music breathed, lived,  jumping off the scraggly parchment paper to dance under starlight

(you think that’s the moment you started falling for him)

fast forward and the two of you have been friends for a few years now

you know everything about him, and he knows everything about you

unfortunately, the older he gets, the more responsibilities his parents hand him

meaning he can’t sneak out as often as he’d like

but he still makes sure to see you at least once a week

on one particular night, you notice that hongjoong’s been especially quiet

been particularly insistent on treating you to your favourite snacks

you mention this to him, but he brushes it off by saying he feels bad for not being able to be there for you as much as he’d like

hongjoong was a good liar (even if he didn’t like it), but you knew that he wasn’t telling you the truth

not the whole truth, at least

but you didn’t press it; he’d tell in his own time

so the two of you raced across bridges, laughter bouncing off the walled shops

exploring every nook and cranny of the city even if the two of you knew it like the back of your hands

and eventually, the two of you would lay in your favourite field on the outskirts of the city, staring at the stars in peaceful silence

well, peaceful for you

joong felt hollow

or maybe like someone filled his stomach and chest with stones

hongjoong wasn’t an idiot; he knew you liked him

and he knew he was in love with you

you and your calloused hands

your dress permanently stained with ale

your knot of hair messily pulled back to keep it out of your face as you worked

your boisterous laugh

your bright eyes and smile

how you weren’t afraid to call him out on his rich boy shit™

the way you’d take off your shoes and dance in the field under the night sky

how you were a strong willed and free-spirited woman, but you let him take care of you from time to time

the way his eyes would linger on you when he thought you weren’t looking

the way your eyes would linger on him when you thought he wasn’t looking

“accidental” brushes of the arm, of hands

no, he wasn’t stupid

so how was he supposed to tell you he was getting married?

[gwynsplainer]

On The Grinning Man and the De-Politicization of L'Homme Qui Rit (a Spontaneous Essay)

Since I watched The Grinning Man I’ve been meaning to write a post comparing it to The Man Who Laughs but I have a lot of opinions and analysis I wanted to do so I have been putting it off for ages. So here goes! If I were to make a post where I explain everything the musical changes it would definitely go over the word limit, so I’ll mostly stick to the thematic. Let me know if that’s a post you’d like to see, though!

Ultimately, The Grinning Man isn’t really an adaptation of the Man Who Laughs. It keeps some of the major plot beats (a disfigured young man with a mysterious past raised by a man and his wolf to perform to make a living alongside the blind girl he rescued from the snow, restored to his aristocratic past by chance after their show is seen by Lord David and Duchess Josiana, and the interference of the scheming Barkilphedro…. well, that’s just about it). The problem I had with the show, however, wasn’t the plot points not syncing up, it was the thematic inconsistency with the book. By replacing the book’s antagonistic act—the existence of a privileged ruling class—with the actions of one or two individuals from the lower class, transforming the societal tragedy into a revenge plot, and reducing the pain of dehumanization and abuse to the pain of a physical wound, The Grinning Man is a sanitized, thematically weak failure to adapt The Man Who Laughs.

I think the main change is related to the reason I posit the book never made it in the English-speaking world. The musical was made in England, the setting of the book which was so critical of its monarchy, it’s aristocracy, and the failings of its society in ways that really haven’t been remedied so far. It might be a bit of a jump to assume this is connected, but I have evidence. They refer to it as a place somewhat like our own, but change King James to King Clarence, and Queen Anne to Angelica. Obviously, the events of the book are fictional, and it was a weird move for Hugo to implicate real historical figures as responsible for the torture of a child, but it clearly served a purpose in his political criticism that the creative team made a choice to erase. They didn’t just change the names, though, they replaced the responsibility completely. In the book, Gwynplaine’s disfigurement—I will be referring to him as Gwynplaine because I think the musical calling him Grinpayne was an incredibly stupid and cruel choice—was done to him very deliberately, with malice aforethought, at the order of the king. The king represents the oppression of the privileged, and having the fault be all Barkilphédro loses a lot thematically. The antagonism of the rich is replaced by the cruelty of an upwardly mobile poor man (Barkilphédro), and the complicity of another poor man.

The other “villain” of the original story is the way that Gwynplaine is treated. I think for 1869, this was a very ahead-of-its-time approach to disability, which almost resembles the contemporary understanding of the Social Model of disability. (Sidenote: I can’t argue on Déa’s behalf. Hugo really dropped the ball with her. I’m going to take a moment to shout out the musical for the strength and agency they gave Déa.) The way the public treats Gwynplaine was kind of absent from the show. I thought it was a very interesting and potentially good choice to have the audience enter the role of Gwynplaine’s audience (the first they see of him is onstage, performing as the Grinning Man) rather than the role of the reader (where we first see him as a child, fleeing a storm). If done right, this could have explored the story’s theme of our tendency to place our empathy on hold in order to be distracted and feel good, eventually returning to critique the audience’s complicity in Gwynplaine’s treatment. However, since Grinpayne’s suffering is primarily based in the angst caused by his missing past and the physical pain of his wound (long-healed into a network of scars in the book) [a quick side-note: I think it was refreshing to see chronic pain appear in media, you almost never see that, but I wish it wasn’t in place of the depth of the original story], the audience does not have to confront their role in his pain. They hardly play one. Instead, it is Barkilphédro, the singular villain, who is responsible for Grinpayne’s suffering. Absolving the audience and the systems of power which put us comfortably in our seats to watch the show of pain and misery by relegating responsibility to one character, the audience gets to go home feeling good.

If you want to stretch, the villain of the Grinning Man could be two people and not one. It doesn’t really matter, since it still comes back to individual fault, not even the individual fault of a person of high status, but one or two poor people. Musical!Ursus is an infinitely shittier person than his literary counterpart. In the book, Gwynplaine is still forced to perform spectacles that show off his appearance, but they’re a lot less personal and a lot less retraumatizing. In the musical, they randomly decided that not only would the role of the rich in the suffering of the poor be minimized, but also it would be poor people that hurt Grinpayne the most. Musical!Ursus idly allows a boy to be mutilated and then takes him in and forces him to perform a sanitized version of his own trauma while trying to convince him that he just needs to move on. In the book, he is much kinder. Their show, Chaos Vanquished, also allows him to show off as an acrobat and a singer, along with Déa, whose blindness isn’t exploited for the show at all. He performs because he needs to for them all to survive. He lives a complex life like real people do, of misery and joy. He’s not obsessed with “descanting on his own deformity” (dark shoutout to William Shakespeare for that little…infuriating line from Richard III), but rather thoughtfully aware of what it means. He deeply feels the reality of how he is seen and treated. Gwynplaine understands that he was hurt by the people who discarded him for looking different and for being poor, and he fucking goes off about it in the Parliament Confrontation scene (more to come on this). It is not a lesson he has to learn but a lesson he has to teach.

Grinpayne, on the other hand, spends his days in agony over his inability to recall who disfigured him, and his burning need to seek revenge. To me, this feels more than a little reminiscent of the trope of the Search for a Cure which is so pervasive in media portrayals of disability, in which disabled characters are able to think of nothing but how terribly wrong their lives went upon becoming disabled and plan out how they might rectify this. Grinpayne wants to avenge his mutilation. Gwynplaine wants to fix society. Sure, he decides to take the high road and not do this, and his learning is a valuable part of the musical’s story, but I think there’s something so awesome about how the book shows a disabled man who understands his life better than any abled mentor-philosophers who try to tell him how to feel. Nor is Gwynplaine fixed by Déa or vice versa, they merely find solace and strength in each other’s company and solidarity. The musical uses a lot of language about love making their bodies whole which feels off-base to me.

I must also note how deeply subversive the book was for making him actually happy: despite the pain he feels, he is able to enjoy his life in the company and solidarity he finds with Déa and takes pride in his ability to provide for her. The assumption that he should want to change his lot in life is not only directly addressed, but also stated outright as a failure of the audience: “You may think that had the offer been made to him to remove his deformity he would have grasped at it. Yet he would have refused it emphatically…Without his rictus… Déa would perhaps not have had bread every day”

He has a found family that he loves and that loves him. I thought having him come from a loving ~Noble~ family that meant more to him than Ursus did rather than having Ursus, a poor old man, be the most he had of a family in all his memory and having Déa end up being Ursus’ biological daughter really undercut the found family aspect of the book in a disappointing way.

Most important to me was the fundamental change that came from the removal of the Parliament Confrontation scene, on both the themes of the show and the character of Gwynplaine. When Gwyn’s heritage is revealed and his peerage is restored to him, he gets the opportunity to confront society’s problems in the House of Parliament. When Gwynplaine arrives in the House of Parliament, the Peers of England are voting on what inordinate sum to allow as income to the husband of the Queen. The Peers expect any patriotic member of their ranks to blithely agree to this vote: in essence, it is a courtesy. Having grown up in extreme poverty, Gwynplaine is outraged by the pettiness of this vote and votes no. The Peers, shocked by this transgression, allow him to take the stand and explain himself. In this scene, Gwynplaine brilliantly and profoundly confronts the evils of society. He shows the Peers their own shame, recounting how in his darkest times a “pauper nourished him” while a “king mutilated him.” Even though he says nothing remotely funny, he is received with howling laughter. This scene does a really good job framing disability as a problem of a corrupt, compassionless society rather than something wrong with the disabled individual (again, see the Social Model of disability, which is obviously flawed, but does a good job recognizing society that denies access, understanding and compassion—the kind not built on pity—as a central problem faced by disabled communities). It is the central moment of Hugo’s story thematically, which calls out the injustices in a system and forces the reader to reckon with it.

It is so radical and interesting and full that Gwynplaine is as brilliant and aware as he is. He sees himself as a part of a system of cruelty and seeks justice for it. He is an empathic, sharp-minded person who seeks to make things better not just for himself and his family, but for all who suffer as he did at the hands of Kings. Grinpayne’s rallying cry is “I will find and kill the man who crucified my face.” He later gets wise to the nature of life and abandons this, but in that he never actually gets to control his own relationship to his life. When I took a class about disability in the media one of the things that seemed to stand out to me most is that disabled people should be treated as the experts on their own experiences, which Gwynplaine is. Again, for a book written in 1869 that is radical. Grinpayne is soothed into understanding by the memory of his (rich) mother’s kindness.

I’ll give one more point of credit. I loved that there was a happy ending. But maybe that’s just me. The cast was stellar, and the puppetry was magnificent. I wanted to like the show so badly, but I just couldn’t get behind what it did to the story I loved.

[shining-m00nlight]

So I found this post by @igitnothin and it's bad. So let's work through this mess! You don’t have to go to the post it’s all here. I know it’s long but stay with me.

Things written like this = the original post

Things written like this = my thoughts

You know, I was just reading a post about Catelyn Stark, and why it’s so strange people don’t like her (because it is strange), and it kinda struck me a bit wrong. So I thought I’d just like to put this in perspective that may be from a bit of an atypical lens from most Catelyn discourse.  First, pretty sure Cat stans think more and deeper about Arya’s and Cat's relationship and their view of each other than other people. And second saying let's look at this complex thing from the view of a child that doesn't have as much introspective as the reader feels kind of like a metaphor for why people don't like Catelyn.

Let's not look at the complex whole thing! Let’s rather look at this comlex thing missing information and context.

Imagine you’re a nine year old girl on your own for a little over a year. You’ve been hiding amongst criminals - murderers and r*pers - who would all hurt you in a split second, so you have to hide your identity, your gender, your everything. You’ve watched your father die. You’ve watched your friends die. You’ve watched your surrogate father die. You’re taken, enslaved, beaten, starved. You’re forced to watch instances of torture, of sexual assault, of cold-blooded murderer against toddlers and other innocent people. There’s literally no one there to protect you. No one cares if you live or die. You’re on your own, never if you’re going to live another day. None of this has anything to do with whether or not Cat is likable or not. But one question: Who is Arya's surrogate father?

You’re made into a child soldier, forced to bloody your hands, even though it hurts you deeply every time you do it. And you learn to numb yourself to it, to let the rain wash away the pain. You’re betrayed by one of your only remaining friends, then betrayed by a man you trusted. And then you’re kidnapped by the man you hate most in the world, and he scares the utter shit out of you. Again nothing to do with Cat just describing Aryas trauma.

But you keep marching on, because you know that, at the end of the line, they’ll be there. Your mother, (pointing out yourself she wants her mother)brothers. Only two of your brothers die along the way, and you never got to say goodbye to one. Your adoptive brother killed them. Not about Cat.

But your mother and your brother are still out there. You’re scared they won’t accept you, because of the blood on your hands. You’re scared they won’t want you anymore. You’re a traumatized ten year old, and you just want your family, but what you’re right? What if they don’t want you? These are very reasonable/real fears for a child but it's not Catelyn's fault. Of course she never told Arya "I still love you even if you killed people" 

Cat would still love Arya but it wasn't a scenario anyone expected so of course Arya doesn't know what her reaction might be.

And guess what? You’re right! (What do you mean she's right? They still want her!) You find out your mother, after thinking you dead for a year, sold your corpse to the 22nd son of a Frey. (What corpse? She was known to be alive when that deal was made! Even Ned was!) A son who will not inherit anything. A son your mother has never met, (Oh fuck yeah! Cat should have really taken some time to get to know him. Maybe have a cup of tea together. Wasn't like time was important or that a lot of people don't get to know their children's betroths before making arrangements including Cats own father and Ned) who could be an abusive ass for all she knew (and, to your knowledge, who IS an abusive ass, because you’ve met, and he told you no one cared when your brothers died). Ok that is such fucking stretch. 

Yeah saying that was an asshole thing of Elmar but ONE: kind of a true thing (people care less about servants in this world, Including most of the main characters) 

TWO: Elmar was just as much a child as Arya, who just had been told, by his brother, that their house had been dishonored and who just got his dream of marrying a princess crushed.

 He was asked what's wrong, told what was wrong and then got his hurt feelings belittled. So being a child that he is he reacts accordingly and belittles her pain. 

Yeah it was rude and mean but it's not abusive. (Can't believe this turned into defending Elmar Frey) Also look at Arya's reaction, she tells him she hopes his princess dies! Elmar belittled someone's death and Arya's reaction is to wish death on someone that is not at fault for Elmars mean words. So after your logic Arya was just as abusive in this scene as Elmar was.

AND WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY ONLY CAT SOLD ARYA. ROBB WAS THE ONE TO MAKE THE FINAL DECISION. AND THAT DECISION WAS MADE IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE NED, SANSA AND ARYA HERSELF.

Your father buried his sister in the crypts beneath Winterfell, because that’s where she would want to be. You - the Northerner whose only hope for the past year has been getting home - will be buried a Frey, with no future and no chances. Yeah really that's bad. Sure Arya LIVING to be buried a Frey is much worse than Lyanna dying at the age of 16 because Lyanna at least got to be buried a Stark. 

And completely ignoring that this is the fate of every woman. What did you want them to do? Oh I know! You wanted them to kill Jaime so the Lannisters kill Sansa and Arya so they can be buried as Starks before the age of 14! Because that’s better. That's what you meant when you compared those two scenarios, right?

"No future and no chances" The deal was made so Arya could at least live or not be a hostage forever. Also Arya has a father/brother in command over the biggest Kingdom they could take care of her should her husband not be able to. As long as Waldef Frey lives he would also take care of them. He might be a horrible person but he doesn't abandon family.

And why did she do it? Why did your mother abandon you to this fate, when you fought with everything you had to get to her? To get access to a bridge that Frey was already sworn to give her. Just because children marry doesn't mean you abandon them completely and never talk to them again. 

So Arya doing things shows she's fighting to get to her family. But Cat doing everything to get to her daughters is not seen as that but seen as "to get access to a bridge" What the fuck! STOP SAYING IT WAS FOR JUST A BRIDGE! 

Arya is fighting physically while Cat fights with politics but they are still both fighting! 

Frey is not sworn to give the Stark shit. As you said before women become part of the house they marry into! Robb and Cat are Starks. By societal rules Cat is not part of house Tully anymore, not in a way she can speak for them and demand things of bannerman at least. Walder Frey is sworn to Hoster not Cat. And in any way that would be Freys fault for not honoring that oath, not Catelyn!

That, my friends, is why I dislike Catelyn Stark.

Your conclusion is not good! One of the biggest flaws however is that you basically say if you look at Cat from Aryas perspective you wouldn't like her. BUT LOOK AT ARYA! SHE LOVES HER MOTHER! So huh?

This long ass post is literally just "She sold Arya for a bridge to a 22nd son" but uses Aryas trauma and the ignoring context to stretch it longer and more dramatically.

[constantlyunlightening]

Bedtime

Kinktober Day 5: Orgasm Denial w/ Bakugo Katsuki

Other kinks/Trigger warnings: edging, there’s some minor degradation but nothing too heavy

I got partway through a Monoma fic yesterday and suddenly, this explosive jerk decided to consume my thoughts. I spent my entire shift at work going absolutely feral after working on this.

Katsuki Bakugo owns my ass.

Disclaimers: Read/interact only if you’re 18+. Characters are all 20+

Rules played a pretty big part in your relationship with Katsuki. Growing up training to be the best hero meant he had always lived under a tight set of guidelines. Guidelines of what and how much to eat, how much to exercise, how much to rest, when to go to bed. There were routines - patterns set to benefit the self as much as possible. Becoming an adult didn't mean losing those patterns, it just meant adjusting them. They had adapted and could be flexible when called for but they still existed. They existed for his benefit which is why he was such a stickler for his rules. He may refuse to watch his mouth, he may kick his feet up on tables and he may choose to ignore any societal rules about how to behave in a public area, but lord have mercy on the soul that tries to throw a wrench in Katsuki's bedtime. 

That included you.

He took you as a partner but that didn't mean his own schedule was going to bend all too much. In fact, after you two had really become close, he started to try pushing those morals on you. In typical Bakugo fashion, he was a bit of an asshole about it - and really pushy. He'd try and drag you along to his routines - his wake up times, his eating times and his workouts.

At first, you gave a lot of push back. He was your partner, not your baby sitter. Who was he to tell you what to eat? When you had to go to bed? You butting your head back at him was enough to get him to start a conversation with you about the whole thing. It was a long one but it boiled down to Katsuki wanting the very best for you and having those sort of healthy routines was something that would help you in the long run. He cared about you and this was one of his ways to show it, which was sweet, but you had to remind him that you had your own automony and he couldn't expect you to change your lifestyle overnight (or at all, if you didn't want to).

More talking and you eventually decided there wasn't any harm in working to build a healthier routine that you were okay with. Katsuki was allowed to help you but he wasn't allowed to force any sort of rules on you that you didn't want and in return, you weren't going to fuck up his routine either. 

It seemed fair enough and, honestly, setting a routine had helped you out in a lot of ways but as of recently, one specific rule had gotten you bent out of shape.

Fucking bedtime.

Sure, your new sleep pattern was healthy and left you with a lot more energy but with Katsuki's current hero schedule, he was rarely ever home before bedtime and - damnit, you had needs. You spent the last week and a half just so horny you could hardly stand it. And then Katsuki wouldn't get home until 15 minutes before bedtime which gave him just enough time to shower and go right to bed. You told him how you were feeling a few times but he would, as politely as he could, tell you to "fuck yourself if it's that bad" before tossing you a vibrator out of the night stand and promptly burying himself under the blankets. 

Fates forbid you mess with his damn bed time. 

Eventually a few nights of whining had him promising you the next time he got home with time to spare he would hit it until you were crying. 

Which is why today, when he returned home an hour and a half before bedtime, you had hopped on him as fast as your legs could move you. He didn't protest as you dropped him to the bed and climbed onto his dick.

He let you work for your own pleasure in this position, giving you the opportunity to stretch yourself out and get warmed up. He let you use him and seek out your own ecstasy on top which you were more than happy to do… at least until he stopped you right when you were getting to the best part. His hands grabbed at your hips and with strength that owned up to the hero's reputation, he tossed you onto your back on the bed. You had instantly shouted your protest, but he was repositioning you by your ankles into a mating press before you could physically do anything in retribution. The plunge of his cock into your quivering pussy quelled any other words you had wanted to say.

"You've been on my case all week, dumbass. You're not allowed to finish yet," he growled, a feral gleam in his eyes as he grinned at you. He leaned forward, putting a little bit of pressure down on your legs to  stretch you out under his thrusting. "If you're gonna throw a tantrum, you better be aiming to make it worth your while. I get you wanna be a slut, but you gotta be smarter than that." His taunts just served in making you clench down on him like a vice grip, your moans echoing out into the room.

You were smart but Katsuki could make you so dumb.

Unfortunately for you, this position ended the same as the prior. In the same pattern as the first, he waited until your orgasm was just on the precipice and that's when he would yank out of you to the next position -which this time, involved him spooning you and pushing into you from behind.

And then again. Climb and climb and then right before the high, it was pull out, reposition and restart. He went from spooning you to straddling one of your legs while propping your other in the air. From that to laying you down completely flat and reentering. Each and every new position sent a wave of frustration through you as he ripped away that last wave of pleasure from you. Never quite let you reach your tipping point. By the time he had you on your knees with your ass up in your air and your head in the mattress, tears were welling up in your eyes from the very second his cock rocketed down. 

"Oi." Another growl and you felt a large hand fist your hair. He gave a sharp yank and he was dragging your upper half off the bed, pressing your back into his chest and not missing a beat of his cock driving into your body. "Are you crying? You've been asking me to fuck you every single night and now that you got what you want, you're crying. You're not backing out, are you?"

The handle he had made out of your hair stung enough to make your tears fully flow out and you gave a whiney sob as your hands went back, trying to grip onto Katsuki anyway you could. 

"N-nooo." There was an answer between your whimpering cries as his free hand snaked between your thighs and started to slowly play with your folds, but purposefully missing that extra sensitive bundle of nerves. "Katsuki, please, lemme cum-"

"That's right. No stopping now. Tough it out princess. You asked for this." There was an arrogance in your voice that would have pissed you off if you weren't so overcome with the urge to cum. He just had to touch you a little harder, fuck you at a slightly different angle. And he knew that - he had to. He knew every single thing about your body so why wasn't he letting you orgasm? You were so fucking close but this time he pushed in deep enough to let his tip hit your cervix and he froze. You didn't bother to contain the sob that escaped you.

"Oh, yeah. You asked, didn't you? I'm doing you a favor, aren't I? I'm helping you out by pounding you into a crying mess. You should be thanking me," he declared cockily, slowly pulling his hips back while he kept your squirmy, needy cunt in the air. And just as only his tip was breeched inside you, he snapped his hips forward, burying all the way inside you and earning another unabashed sob. "So?" His voice was hot on your ear as he nipped at it, making you squeeze around him tighter in dumb, helpless lust. "Where are your fucking manners? Better start saying thank you."

Too fucked out to care about your dignity, you obliged immediately, focused on the reward you wanted so so badly. "Th-thank you-" his hips pushed up once. "Thank you-" another thrust. "Thank you!" And another "Thankyouthankyouthankyou- ohmigod- thankyou-" each babbled out plea earned you more movement, each one faster and feral than the last and before you knew it, he was back to forcing your head down onto the mattress, using it as leverage as he fucked you with enough force to leave your cunt feeling like it was on fire. But pain or pleasure, you were too targeted on the end result to care. The logical side of your mind was long gone.

You were so far gone, you didn't hear the beeping of an alarm somewhere in the background.

At least not until, once again, Katsukis dick was pulled out of you and you were left with nothing but your own unbearably pent up energy. But you weren't manhandled and contorted into another shape this time. Instead, this time you felt something hot and sticky spurt out across your back. Had he just- 

You choked, desperately trying to scramble to see what exactly he was doing - what he had done. Why he had stopped! But before you could turn to look, he had plopped down to his side and was tugging you up against his chest. You finally took note of the annoyingly loud buzzing of an alarm on your nightstand, but it didn't really register with you as to what it was. "What the fuck?" You practically bawled as you struggled in his strong grip, squirming like if you could move enough, you'd be impaled on his dick again. 

"I set an alarm for when it was time for bed dumb ass." Your blood boiled even in your pathetic, quivering state. "Guess you should have came faster." You wanted to scream. You almost did but it broke with the way your tears made you choke up. He had timed that! He did that on purpose! He not only edged you this entire time only to rip away your orgasm at the last second, but he had pulled out and came on you! You were going to lose your mind. You felt feral in his grasp as he kept you in place, only letting one arm escape you for a second so he could bang on the alarm to stop blaring. You wanted to argue, shout, scream - anything - but having that much pro hero dick making a mess of your insides without actually accomplishing anything left you without the brain power to form anything beyond incoherent whines and cries.

Kisses that were meant to soothe you as they trailed over your neck didn't do much this time, but Katsuki littered a few of them anyway. He wasn't even really trying to fool you that he was being nice. You could feel his smirk against your flesh. "Quit shaking so much. After how long we just went, if I stick it back in you're going to be whining about how bad it hurts," he declared, which wasn't untrue - your almost-high was starting to wind down and you felt nothing but uncomfortable. "Go to bed. I took off tomorrow morning so i'll let you cum as much as you want when you wake up."

He paused as he dragged the blanket over you, ignoring your babbling whimpers, as he pulled back just enough to look at you with a cocky smirk. "As long as you actually get your ass up on time."