#to appease others or appeal to others. so why - after all of that - would he be up for a change??? and into something more normal-looking??

[mieczyhale]

post: steve shaves his head

me: ..okay.. i guess i get it..

post: and then eddie shaves his head

me, anxious and nauseous: NO THE FUCK HE DOES NOT

[suashii]

— 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒶 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹 ౨ৎ

suna rintaro x reader. 1.7k wc. ﾉ suggestive ﾉ fluff ﾉ college au ﾉ fwb!suna ﾉ miya twins appearance :3

there’s no way you could miss that annoyingly familiar pattern of knocks at your door—you only know because you tried. it was foolish to think they’d go away on their own, after all, the one behind them can be just as irritating.

with a heavy, dramatic groan that you hope is audible from the hallway of your apartment complex, you toss your phone on the coffee table and begrudgingly pad over to the door. pulling it open is the only way to put a stop to the rhythmic banging. an equally annoying smirk painted on suna’s face greets you at the threshold.

“if i didn’t know any better,” he sticks his hands in his pockets, a sparkle of mischief shining in his eyes, “i’d think you were ignoring me.”`

you send him a smile, one that you’d use on a coworker you don’t like but have to be civil with. “believe me, i tried.”

“yet you opened the door anyway,” he retorts, squeezing past you and into your apartment. for someone you barely consider a friend, he sure is comfortable barging in. you can’t find it in you to care, so you simply close the door and turn to face him. he’s looking at you with that same smug expression. “sounds like you can’t resist my charm.”

you snort. charming isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think of suna, hell, it’s not even very far up on the list. you suppose you have to give him some credit, though. even if you can’t put your finger on what it is, you can admit that there’s something about him that you find appealing. otherwise, you would have called that first night with him a one-time deal. “why are you back so soon? is your sex drive really that high?”

he raises his brows at your thinly veiled suggestion. “i’m actually here to get my hoodie but if you had other ideas, i wouldn’t be op-”

“just get your jacket and go.” you shove his chest with both of your hands before you slap the palms to your cheeks that are quickly warming in embarrassment. suna chuckles but holds back from teasing you any further, instead making his way down the hall to retrieve his forgotten garment. it’s a little ridiculous how acquainted he is with your apartment, you think as you watch him push open the door to your bedroom.

maybe you should start meeting at his place more often.

no, that would be weird. having one designated meeting area is the only thing keeping your relationship so casual. he’d definitely take it the wrong way if you asked for a change of scenery and as much as you give him shit, you don’t want to part ways with suna so soon.

another set of knocks, one much more calm and expected, breaks you from your reverie. you spin on your heel and pull your thumb nail from between your teeth in favor of answering the door. on the other side stand the twins.

“hey,” osamu greets you with the raise of his hand.

you return the greeting with a silent wave.

“what are you doing here?” atsumu asks.

your eyes flit over to the blonde. “funny thing, ‘tsumu, i actually live here.”

“not you, smartass.” he fights the urge to roll his eyes, instead choosing to tip his chin up in a silent gesture. “him.”

you turn to look over your shoulder where atsumu’s gaze falls to find suna standing behind you, hoodie in hand. your eyes widen and your shoulders jerk up in surprise. it’s not that you had forgotten he was here, rather, you didn’t anticipate the three men crossing paths.

as far as the twins knew, you only ever came in contact with suna through them. to see the two of you together—alone—surely must have presented as suspicious. the last thing you want right now is to explain your relationship with him.

you angle your head to face the twins with what you hope is a composed and convincing expression. “oh, we have the same psychology class.” that much is true. “he came over so we could work on an assignment together.” that? not so much.

it seemed to be enough to appease the twins but you can hear suna’s terribly concealed laughter from behind you. it takes everything in you not to jab your elbow into his ribs. to stop yourself from doing so, you announce his leave. “anyways, we’re finished and he was just on his way out.”

a few seconds pass but suna makes no move to leave.

you meet his eye with a sickly sweet smile. “aren’t you leaving?”

“i was,” he starts, and you can tell that the rest of his statement won’t be doing you any favors,“ but it looks like you guys are hanging out. can i stay?”

the two of you haven’t done anything with the twins since you started shacking up and you aren’t confident in suna’s ability to keep that bit to himself. he needs to go. “we’re just watching a movie. and it’s atsumu’s turn to choose so it’ll probably be awful.”

“hey!” the blonde shouts and you’re sure you can hear osamu snort.

you ignore atsumu’s petulant display, staring down suna in hopes that your unyielding gaze is enough to get your message across. he shrugs. “i don’t mind.”

there’s no way he’s this slow-witted; he’s got to be toying with you. pushing any further would only be more suspicious, so you cave and agree. “fine.”

an hour and a half—two hours, max, you think as you watch the bag of microwave popcorn rotate in the appliance. and you’ll be focused on the movie. it’s not like your catching up over lunch or anything. you doubt there’ll even be an opportunity for either of you to drop the ball. yeah, it’ll be fine.

at least, that’s what you think before you see how the three have decided to seat themselves on the couch. you’re used to sitting in between the twins—they both insist that they can’t sit next to each other. as strange as it is, you’ve never questioned it. though, you did think that suna would be enough of a buffer between the two.

apparently, they’d be using both of you to widen the gap. you bite your cheek to hold back a sigh as you situate yourself between suna and osamu, setting the movie snack on your lap.

atsumu says something about you eating your words before starting the film but all you can focus on is how suna scoots closer to you. you stick your hand in the bowl of popcorn, hoping the movement makes the way you gravitate toward osamu more discreet. your eyes are glued to the screen but you can feel suna’s on you.

there’s half of the movie left when you let your guard down. suna’s been awfully quiet and the twins’ periodic bickering lightens the once tense atmosphere. you’re almost back to your completely relaxed state when you feel a weight on your right shoulder—the side suna’s sitting on.

you (thankfully) can’t turn your head to face him so you settle for looking at him out of the corner of your eye. you can’t see much, but you’re sure that his eyelids are drifting closed. through a whisper, you ask, “what are you doing?”

“this movie’s boring,” he mumbles, the whisper of his words distorted because of the way his cheek is pressed to your shoulder. you can practically feel his pout against you and if you weren’t in the company of others, you might have considered bringing your hand up to stroke his hair.

“i told you it wouldn’t be good,” you murmur, turning your gaze back to the tv. if you looked at him any longer, you weren’t sure you’d be able to keep your hands to yourself and the heat radiating from him isn’t helping either. you chew the inside of your cheek as you think up a way to get out of your current position. “just say you’re tired and head out early.”

without paying your suggestion any mind, suna shamelessly asks, “can’t we just go to your room?”

“what?” you struggle to keep your voice low at the nonchalance of his question. “have you lost your mind?”

“god, your mind is so dirty today.” you can hear the humor in his voice despite how quiet it is. if you could see him, you’re sure he’d be eyeing you with that dumb, annoying smirk. “i just meant to sleep.”

the combination of his initial proposal and his explanation light your cheeks and the tips of your ears on fire. it’s frustrating that he’s able to fluster you so easily. although, a little part of you, one that you’re trying and failing to bury deep down, actually likes it. once the embarrassment lingering behind the warmth fades, you’re left with a feeling you have trouble putting a name to.

if you had to guess, it was something like yearning.

you shake away the thought from your head. your mind shouldn’t be wandering there—not here, not now. you quietly clear your throat before whispering, “we’re not going anywhere together. just hush and watch the movie.”

to your surprise, the man only hums.

by the time the movie comes to an end, suna is sound asleep on your shoulder. you should just nudge him awake, walk him out the door with the twins, but you can’t seem to move. it’s a bad idea, staying put, but you can’t help but think this is the least you could do after trying to run him out all night.

“you guys can go,” you tell the two of them. “i’ll wake him up in a bit.”

they take their leave, no questions asked.

the two only make it five steps from your door before osamu blurts, “they’re totally fucking.”

a grimace overtakes atsumu’s expression. “gross.”

thanks for giving this a read! if you enjoyed, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment :) much love from me 2 u <3

[teastainedprose]

Play With Fire, Ch. 2 ( Homelander x Reader)

Homelander ponders what to do with his little bug and gets a free show. (Homelander x f!reader, plus-sized reader) Warning:🔞 Language, sexual scenes, stalking, non-consensual voyeurism, public masturbation Chapter 1, Chapter 2, AO3 Link

He knows your name now. Homelander knows every scrap of information Vought has amassed on you over the years. Effortless on his part to get it, of course.

When Homelander demands something, people snap to attention, and that’s exactly what Ashley did. She pulled your employee file right up and handed it over, no questions asked. 

Why would she? He’s the fucking Homelander. It is better to appease the beast than court his wrath. Besides, Homelander is the reason Ashley now gets to play CEO, and he’ll never let her forget it. 

Idly, Homelander wonders if you think you’ve escaped him. He hasn’t made a move in a handful of days and has no plans to do so. The question as to what to do with you still rattles about in his brain.

He flips through your file, considering it again as he mulls over how to handle you. He could give your job back to you and have you indebted to him while effortlessly bringing you to heel. Having you close feels appealing enough to the supe while giving him an easy string to tug. It puts you in your proper place at his feet, as all mud-people should be. 

Homelander doesn’t want you kneeling. Not yet. A little struggle from you would suit him just fine. To see that fight that sparked within you in the elevator before you sank to your knees willingly at his feet would taste all the sweeter.

Homelander wants to know if that flame he felt the other day still burns within you. He wonders if you still remember the way his lips taste and the way he can still taste yours. Something sweet, delicate, and addicting. His tongue flicks out over his lips as if he can still taste you. 

Homelander blinks, his gaze refocusing on the city below as he takes in the view from the 99th floor of Vought Tower. He shouldn’t be thinking of a little bug like you in such a way yet…

Homelander still doesn’t know why you did it. What sort of creature are you that you have the audacity to touch a god such as him and walk away as if it's normal? As if you have any right.

Oh certainly, there have been handsy fans in the past. A few he’d dallied with for his own amusement, as he’s a benevolent god when he feels like it. They were brittle things he had to take care not to snap in two, overly eager and breathy with praise overflowing. 

But you? You’d been eager and breathless when you’d kissed him, but there had been no devotion in your eyes. Anger and defiance had burned in your gaze at the start, followed by satisfaction like a cat who had gotten into the cream after your shared kiss. Smug little bug.

Homelander finds he liked that look on you, the more he recalls your face. He’d like to see it again. The supe wants to stroke the flame within you higher and see if it consumes or ignites you.

Still, he doesn’t know what he wants to do with you. Squash you? Pluck your legs off one by one to see you squirm and squeal? Pin you under glass and watch the life fade out of your eyes? These are all good enough options for a bug like you, but Homelander can’t seem to motivate himself to act.

Flicking through the papers, Homelander skims over your file again before settling on your home address. A slow smile curls his lips. Might as well pay you a visit.

It doesn’t take long to flash across the New York skyline and arrive at your apartment building. It’s an anthill of an establishment with countless drones living out their pathetic lives within. One scan of his x-ray vision pinpoints your exact location—a decent enough apartment with a balcony on the seventh floor. How convenient . Homelander bets you don’t even lock the door, as if that would stop him in the first place.

After settling himself on an adjacent building, Homelander watches. That’s all he does on the first visit and the second. He observes you as you go about your pathetic little ant life. Homelander wants to put you under a microscope to study you. What motivates a lesser animal, such as yourself?

He watches as you scurry about, picking up the pieces of your life after your job loss. You’re not wallowing in despair. Are you ever thinking about him? You’re not scrambling for your paycheck. You’re not lost in a panic.  Instead, you surprise Homelander again.

Your shoulders are lighter. You never noticed how much that position at Vought was an albatross around your neck. You’re a planner. You’re a goddamn adult and managed to keep enough savings tucked away in this economy to stay afloat for a year if needed.

Vought fired you, so the unemployment checks you get are hefty. Your resume is bolstered by that time at Vought, and even if you were shit canned,  Such a company's name on your resume still holds plenty of prestige. Interview requests roll in, and now you can afford to be selective.

You pick something cleaner. If not to scrub away the sins you’d amassed and witnessed at Vought, at least something to soften the memory. Something satisfactory and with enough income to keep you comfortable. 

You pluck a new position from the pile. It’s not as cushy as the Vought job, but you’ve had your fill of that. You made yourself sick on it from choking down their bullshit all for a fat paycheck. This you can manage. This you can do.  You even give yourself a break. A month of vacation before the new contract starts up. Time to rest. You fucking deserve it.

It’s the perfect time to catch up with friends and family. The perfect time to properly deep clean your apartment. To shake off the funk that working at Vought had given you. A fresh new start. Free of any volatile supes who could kill you by accident or in a rage because they didn’t like the numbers you reported.

You go out more. You catch up with relatives and indulge in bookstore and museum visits. You make sure to get a fresh haircut and newly painted nails. Anything to pamper yourself because this is your break, and you’re going to savor it. 

Homelander watches all this unfold with detached interest, or so he tells himself. In truth, you’re his new favorite show. 

He checks in often with you. Any time he’s in the area, or even when he’s not. It’s a quick flight over for him. No one will notice. You certainly don’t.

The supe doesn’t know if it galls him or pleases him that you’re a resilient little bug. Taking everything in stride and enjoying your small slice of freedom. It’s almost charming watching you scurry about blissfully unaware of his presence.

Homelander isn’t there when you pause in a shop’s aisle at the sight of a row of plushies. Plushies of The Seven and of him , of Homelander. The one with the lopsided grin. The packaging reads Junior Homelander Kuddle Buddy, and on a whim, you grab it and toss it into the cart with your groceries. Why not? Homelander is inadvertently the asshole who set you down a happier path. It’s an innocent amusement, even if you know you think about that spandex-suited idiot far too often. Best not to ponder the why. Homelander does notice the plush toy on your nightstand later that day. It strokes some deeper part of his ego, heightening his interest in you. You do still think of him. Is it at the same level that he thinks of you? Of course, worse, really. It has to be. Why wouldn’t you be thinking of the god who watches over this city? Who watches over you.

You smile often. Those smiles are freely given to strangers and friends alike in equal measure, the brightness of it flashing like the wings of a butterfly. Homelander is finding that he likes those smiles and wonders what he could do to coax one out towards him. Idly wonders if that’s even possible. 

Your smiles and your anger, Homelander finds both captivating.

He pauses on flybys over your cozy flat out of habit now, too high to be noticed. He even steals away at night when there’s nothing to fill his nights with after Ryan is safe in bed. He knows your routine by now. 

During the day, it’s a visit to the local bodega or that cafe that takes a walk through the park to get to but is worth it for the breakfast sandwiches made on site. Picking up lunch or dinner at one of three places that you rotate through as a treat once or twice a week. Quick grocery trips are only two blocks from your apartment. 

The evenings bring cooking up simple meals to eat on your couch alone with some sort of TV show or movie. Never any of his movies, Homelander notes with a twinge of disappointment. Well, nobody's perfect. Certainly not an ant such as yourself.

It becomes a bad habit to watch his little bug scurry around her anthill. You’re not one to roam far, so it’s easy to keep tabs on you. It seems the only things that can lure you from under your rock are friends and bad dates.

-and they’re all bad dates. He knows this. Homelander watches each and every one play out.

Even you, plump as you are, have little trouble enticing men out to meet you. Regardless of how fetching you look on each date, there’s never a second. The men never meet your standards, which pleases him. Homelander won’t pause to wonder why.

By the end of the night, you’re always so crestfallen, but that suits Homelander just fine. He doesn’t want to get his gloves dirty by crushing some handsy idiot who would dare stumble home with you.

No, he prefers you alone. Especially on nights like tonight. 

There’s a routine after the spectacularly bad dates. They frustrate you and leave you aching in the best way possible. These are the sort of nights Homelander enjoys best from you. The sort where you’re digging into your nightstand for a faithful, vibrating friend.

 It’s bright pink, because, of course, it is.

As he watches you pull it out, Homelander huffs in amusement. That Homelander plush watches, too, because it hasn’t left your nightstand since you set it there. That amuses the supe. Two Homelanders are enjoying the show you’re about to give.

He shifts, stepping closer to the edge of the rooftop he’s perched on for a better angle on you. It’s his usual spot right next to your building, with x-ray vision allowing him an unobstructed view of your antics. It’s close enough to hear what you’re up to if he focuses just so.

Homelander can almost imagine the rustling fabric of your dress as you strip that red little number off. The one that flaunts those curves to your advantage with ample cleavage with the threat of spillage makes it all the more tantalizing. Your breasts certainly look on the verge of toppling out of that bra as you drop onto your bed.

He wishes they would. Homelander hasn’t had a chance to watch you shower or catch you in a state of undress, given how busy his days are in the morning. A part of him wants to be within touching distance of you the first time he gets to see you topless. As far as he’s concerned, it’s not a matter of if, but when.

Homelander licks his lips, wondering what your tits taste like and what sort of sound he’d get out of you if he bit them. Images of what those round, hefty globes look like free of your bra filter through his brain as Homelander’s finger clench. He wonders at the weight of them. His hand shifts, cupping his growing erection at the front of his suit as he watches you and wonders what you’re thinking of. Homelander makes a throaty growl.

Do you fantasize about the tempered strength in his arms or the unyielding hold of his fingers? Homelander’s grip on you had certainly stirred something primal in you when you’d kissed, but no. That’s not what you focus on while gently working the vibrator between the folds of your sex.

It's that needy sound he made—the one that tugs directly on your clit. An unexpected noise that you still think about, along with the taste of his tongue. You wonder what that hot mouth would feel like against other parts of your body and if he’d make those same hungry noises. Your toes curl involuntarily at the memory as you slowly work your vibrator between your folds, letting out a soft moan as it finally sinks in.

Then you’re working your frustration out with that vibrator, sinking it in and slowly tugging it almost free of your sex as you work yourself over. In your own apartment, blissfully alone, you’re not ashamed to get loud. No, you moan freely, unaware that anyone can hear. 

Except Homelander does, and he appreciates how vocal you can be. How shamelessly you arch back on your bed, legs spread wide as if giving him a show.

Idly, he wonders who you're thinking about, fucking yourself like that as Homelander works his own cock free of his suit. It can't be anyone but him. No human would fuck you that hard, not like he'd fuck you. The thought makes Homelander’s grip tighten around his cock, pumping himself in time with every thrust of that vibrator into your needy pussy.

Homelander’s fist pumps up and down his cock in tandem with every dip of that vibrator into your slick folds as he imagines exactly how your wet heat would feel and how your inner muscles would clamp down on him when you make that expression right there. Face twisted up in bliss as you moan, a smile on your lips as you fantasize away in your room.

It must be him you fantasize about as you fuck yourself. You wouldn’t make those needy little noises for anyone but him, would you? Homelander would like to think so.

Then you take away all of Homelander's doubts because it's his name he hears you moan. The sound nearly undoes him on the spot, and the twitch of his cock is almost painful in his grasp. A sharp whine escapes Himelander as he stills his hand. 

Huffing, Homelander squeezes his eyes shut even as he feels his balls tighten up. Not yet. He doesn’t want to come yet, not until he knows you’re closer. Not until you’re all but whining with need. He doesn’t have to wait long, not with how you work yourself over. Thinking of him. 

Homelander groans, his attention snapping to your face. To your lips to see if they form his name again. You don't disappoint. You’re lost in the pleasure, moaning his name like a prayer as you chase your orgasm.

Then the cry you make as you reach your peak—that’s what breaks Homelander. His heat vision flares as the pleasure within Homelander snaps, and there’s no holding back his release now. He snarls, his grip almost painful as he gives a few more pumps, and the Homelander is twisting in his own hand as his release spills over the edge of the roof. He watches as you scramble to turn off your vibrator, hands clumsy as you whine from the overstimulation. Homelander groans in response, his own hand giving a few more languid pumps before going still.

The flashing red of his eyes is bright enough to catch your eyes, snapping them to the sheer curtains of your window. You stare for a beat, your head tilting to the side as you wonder at the sight. A reflection from the cars passing by? A stray, distant flash from someone’s window? 

Homelander quietly curses, quick to tuck himself back into his suit as he retreats into proper darkness. There’s a smirk on his lips. Homelander knows what he will do with you now. You are a moth that he will draw to the flames of his affection passion. 

[ddollfface]

𝐀 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙢𝙖 𝙔𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 (Pt.2)

Warnings; bad writing, possessive behavior, really ooc (I'm 90% sure that I missed the mark on this one), talks of Diane's rape, yandere if you really squint ig. If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ Oml, tumblr's being a little bitch right now, I literally cannot right now. I'm going to repost Pt.1 and Pt.2. I'm so sorry, I have no clue as to why I have a word limit rn... Just know that this is super ooc :/

When Jack falls, he falls hard, and let's just say that he's never fallen. Throughout his whole life, his only goal was to avenge his mother and bring back her honor, hoping to achieve this by defeating his father, Yuujirou Hanma. Jack, himself, has stated multiple times throughout the show that he has no interest in women, money, or fame, only wanting to achieve his goal of revenge. This obviously means that he has no experience with women, and unlike Kastumi, it's by choice. He doesn't want to fall in love.

I think that Jack doesn't believe in love, that it's something that's fake and fabricated to appease another. There's no such thing as love at first sight and wanting to hold someone for comfort and not just to get off. These thoughts are so out of Jack's worldview that he sees them as just fiction that others' are pathetic enough to believe.

And, adding to that, I think that Jack would have a hard time understanding Baki and his relationship with Kozue. Baki and Kozue have been there for each other, showing true love, something that Jack's never had. Jack eventually learns to respect Baki, after some trial and error throughout the series, but he can't seem to understand why someone like Baki would believe in something as fictional as love.

Moving on from that, I think that Jack's childhood developed this sense of disgust toward love and just being vulnerable in general. I mean, imagine being born to a woman who was raped by the man she was supposed to kill, that's obviously not going to be the best childhood.

I can't imagine that Diane, Jack's mama, would ever show him such motherly love that's expected from a mama to her son. I think that's partially because of how Jack was conceived and her personality. Diane, whether it was a part of her persona as 'Jane' or not, was portrayed as a cold woman who had little regard for human life, and I can't see how she'd ever show warmth toward Jack when he was young.

While we don't know much about Jack's childhood or what happened to Diane later on in her life, I'm assuming that she never pursued relations with any other man, seeing as Yuujiro's actions caused her such distress. This means that Jack never grew up with a father figure present in his life, rather than his absent father, Yuujiro.

I'd assume that Diane would never speak nicely of Yuujiro, seeing as he raped her, and it was her original intention to kill him. Because children are like sponges, Jack probably absorbed all of Diane's hatred and general negativity towards his father, as he should, and internalized this anger.

Overall, Jack's situation growing up left no room for him to experience what love looked like, in a healthy manner. He never had parents who lead a good example, keeping him in the dark about any positives of being in a relationship. And that's what I think the root is for his distaste for being vulnerable, and the idea of being in a relationship with another.

Not only that, but I think that his mama's rape only caused Jack to view sex in a negative light, seeing that's how he was conceived. Now, I don't think that Jack is repulsed by sex in general, but I just think that he doesn't find it as welcoming (?) as other men would. I'm not too sure how to phrase it, but it's just not appealing to him, compared to most men.

However, that changes when he meets you, you, you.

There's no such thing as 'love at first sight' to Jack. He has to know a person for a year or so before he even considers having a lengthy conversation with them, where he actually puts a little effort into speaking with them. Jack's a very closed-off individual who has severe trust issues, as most figures do, and he can't open up to someone he's known for a short time.

This means that for you to catch his attention, that means that there's something special that he saw, whether you notice it or not doesn't matter. Jack saw something in you. Maybe it was how transparent you were, possibly your wisdom, it doesn't matter too much.

(little side tangent)

Though I do see Jack enjoying a partner who's similar to a therapist, someone with a lot of advice to give, someone with a shit ton of wisdom. An observer would be a good fit for Jack, they don't have to be studious or very loud, and he doesn't mind either. It's just that he needs someone who can read him easily because Jack has his own language of sorts (@yandere-writer-momo has discussed this in some of her posts).

It's odd because Jack is oh so blunt, but he holds back whenever it comes to his emotions, wanting to avoid being vulnerable. He doesn't hesitate to threaten someone or tell them that he doesn't like him, he doesn't have a problem with that. But whenever he finds you pretty, or likes the dress you're wearing, even if he thinks you're not taking care of yourself, he'll always phrase it in a "brutish" way.

Instead of saying "Your hair looks nice today" or "Have my jacket, you look cold," instead, he'll say "Did you do something to your hair? It doesn't look like shit today" or "You're built like a stick, you should work out more" as he hands you his jacket (more so throwing it over your shoulders and walking away).

And that's why he needs someone who can read through his insulting behavior, knowing that he's just shielding himself from appearing weak. Being observant is a requirement to having a successful relationship with Jack, and possibly with most of the men in Baki. All of them are so emotionally constipated, that they need someone who can read them like a book to actually have a progressive relationship.

Because of your ability to allow him to open up without words he knows attached, always thinking about you, you, you. He needs to protect you, the one person who understands him on a different level than everyone else. You're able to calm him down with a simple nod, practically telling him that you understood what he was trying to say. You don't just see him as the son of Yuujiro Hanma or as the man who's ruined his body with steroids and intense training techniques, instead, you see him as Jack.

The initial attraction he had toward you, when you first crossed paths, was more superficial than what I was talking about in the previous paragraph. It's most likely a simple case of curiosity that drew him to you. You somehow stood apart from others, causing his eyes to drift to you every time he scanned a crowd. It's possible that you were overly positive, keeping a smile on your face no matter what, or you were oddly quiet, silently observing everyone.

It could've just been your looks that made you attractive! Though Jack is emotionally stunted, even he can appreciate a nice piece of ass!

Either way, throughout the time and as your relationship progresses, the more you two talk, the more he begins to respect your character. Jack begins to see you for who you are and understands that you see him the way he sees you. (sorry that was a confusing sentence lol)

I'm not too sure if any of you have seen the movie Avatar, but in the movie, they use the phrase 'I see you,' and I think that it fits Jack's personality perfectly. It's more than love to Jack, and he likely doesn't even comprehend that it's love in the first year or so. It's something deeper than that, it's understanding each other on a primal level. Jack doesn't just understand your body and how it moves, or what to do to get it going, he understands how you think, and how you feel. But not in a weird way, in a loving way, y'know?

The two of you are like other halves, you'd have to be for Jack to pursue you. Jack has to know that you're meant for him. He's never even considered dating another person, let alone revealing himself to someone else.

[femmefatalevibe]

What advice/resources would you recommend for someone who is trying to decentralize her life from men (or really anybody other than herself)?

Any books/videos/advice/etc. that you have would be great!

Thanks! Your blog helps me so much xo

Hi love! I'm so glad to hear this <3. Sharing some tips/resources below. Hope this helps xx

How To Decenter Men In Your Life:

Consider the values, goals, and desired lifestyle that feel most authentic to you if social scripts/stigmas didn't apply to you

Take time to become radically honest with your desires as an individual – outside of the perception of men, your family, boss, teachers, peers, etc.

Cultivate a sense of personhood and identity established in your interests, hobbies, skillsets, learning capabilities, creativity, and desire for growth in all aspects of life

Act in your own best interests. Speak up for your needs, and advocate for yourself. Be more "selfish." Don't apologize for what you want and go after it. Act in your own best interests

Become confident in negotiating, assertive communication, and standing on your own two feet. Establish relationships in all aspects that are based on mutual benefit and equitable exchange

Unlearn your self-sacrificing & people-pleasing. Stop shrinking yourself or suppressing your needs to make others feel better or more comfortable

Validate yourself: your needs, desires, goals, dreams, preferences, and opinions. You need to choose yourself every day. Your appeal to others means nothing if you don't like the person you are or are becoming to satisfy the needs or desires of others

Consider the ways you're consciously and subconsciously confining your self-expression and belief system to fit the mold/appease the patriarchy. Actively work to deconstruct this mentality and way of being

Be honest with yourself about how men enrich your life. Not the other way around. Do they fulfill you romantically, sexually, both, or neither? There's no right or wrong answer, except the one that requires you to put on a performance rather than live in alignment with your true self

TikTok Creators:

Melanie Hamlett (LOVE her! My favorite creator/author on this topic.)

Katie Jgin

Soberside

Rose Hackman

Hope Peddler

Therese Lee (@thereselee6)

SpirtualWhistleBlower

Books On Decentering Men:

A Single Revolution by Shani Silver

Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier to Women's Happiness and Fulfillment by Valerie Rein, Ph.D

What a Time to Be Alone: The Slumflower's Guide to Why You Are Already Enough by Chidera Eggerue 

All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation by Rebecca Traister

Enjoy Your Solo By Mary Delia Allen

How to Be Single and Happy by Jennifer Taitz

Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D

On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good by Elise Loehnen 

We Are Not Born Submissive: How Patriarchy Shapes Women's Lives by Manon Garcia 

The Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls by Mona Eltahawy 

Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny by Kate Manne

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling  Men by Lundy Bancroft 

Men Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth about Extreme Misogyny and How it Affects Us All by Laura Bates

Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward by Gemma Hartley  

[im-getting-help]

AND THE THING ABOUT OLIVER AND BOUNDARIES!

Is so obvious to me that his parents were party at fault for his lack of boundaries. Not because they we're malicious and intentional about it, but because they loved him so much they tend to cross his limits.

(Kinda like what Oliver did with Felix, but less obsessive).

From my experience it's something relatively normal about the relationship between parents and their children. The first time we really understand boundaries is when we enforce them to separate ourselves from our parents expectations. It seems to me that Oliver never learned how to do that. He's constantly molding himself to appease and appeal, and when it becomes to much, he flees.

Let's go back to the little things Paula and Jeff share with us in that brief birthday scene.

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself"

"He was so clever, that's why he found it hard to make friends, they were jealous".

"It's been hard not seeing him. But it must be a lot of pressure being the top scholar and being in the rowing team, and the union, and the plays..."

Let's start with the lies.

How long ago Oliver started lying to his parents to make space for himself?

Cause the lies don't necessarily feel like something he used to impress them. It seems to me like the Quicks already thought Oliver was exceptionally smart "he was always so clever" and he's just keeping appearances.

But the amount of things he said he did. The plays, the rowing team, the union, the work of studying to maintain the "top scholar position" like reading, doing work and essays and projects, assisting to classes, lectures and tutorials, it's a lot!.

"It's been hard not seeing him". How many times Paula called just to be ignored or quickly dismissed? with an excuse like "sorry i have an essay due tomorrow" or "im going to practice for the play". And why Oliver wanted to separate himself so much from his family?

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself" why would Oliver wanted to separate himself not only from his parents but his siblings too?

The Quicks said that "We go to to Mykonos every year. Well, not anymore. Not now that the kids are all grown up". That makes me think that Oliver sisters are older than him. Oliver doesn't seem to have a close relationship with them either. Was it because of the age gap? How much older were her sisters? Maybe they had to babysit and that created a second-mother kind of dynamic?

It sounds like he was being smothered by them. And again, i'm not saying it was intentional, but maybe Oliver needed much more space that what the Quicks were able or willing to give. And he didn't know how to ask.

And maybe (only maybe cause i don't really have good foundation for this) Oliver learned that the best way to get space from them was saying he was occupied, specifically studying. So maybe it started at school, him saying that he had to finish homework or read a book or do project, and maybe these were the only times he'll be left alone. Maybe that was the perfect excuse to explain why he didn't have many friends too.

(and i wonder why a kid with no sense of boundaries would have a hard time making friends 👀)

And why Oliver keeps lying?

After moving to Oxford, he could've just draw back and create that space without making an excuse. But he didn't, because he cares, he likes that his family thinks he's intelligent and capable. But he doesn't care for spending time with them.

I don't think he said all those lies to look especially intresting or important, but he did choose to "be occupied" by being a good student. Not in a "i won an award for best performance" but a "I'm too busy to talk, i have tutorial"

And look at the way the Quicks react to Oliver saying he has to go, is very interesting.

Paula just gives up instantly. She offers a compromise, and when rejected she's obviously frustrated but she just lets it go. On the other hand Jeff tries to reason with his son a little "your mother spent all morning doing lunch" but they seem very accustomed to this situation. It's not the first time Oliver escapes a conversation.

So, to me, is obvious that Oliver's parents knowingly or unknowingly contributed to Oliver's lack of healthy boundaries.

He never really draw the line with them, he just made excuses to avoid and elude and ultimately flee when the situation got out of hand. And they never picked up on it, they kept repeating the same scenarios multiple times without having a conversation about it.

I feel like his parents never really confronted him about anything. Maybe because they didn't sense anything was wrong, maybe because, same as the Cattons, they didn't know how to approach the situation or maybe because they know Oliver gets really fcking upset whenever they tried to have a conversation about it, who knows.

So at the end we have a 20yo dude who never learned how to enforce a boundary or why is healthy to have them and has absolutely no idea how to perceive and not cross others limits.

[athena-rocks]

I hate Percy Jackson.

I hate the plot that is, and many MANY parts of it. Now that’s not to say the actors are bad or anything, in fact I think they’re incredible. I haven’t watched the show or read the books but from the clips I’ve seen those actors are amazing and deserve respect and praise. But I am going to go over everything I have against the show in this mini essay of mine.

Like the show and want to counter my points? Feel free to! Leave a comment, reblog with your response, send an ask, all is welcome! I may think very strongly on my points but that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to hear others out, but please welcome my response as well (also anon is on so if you have thoughts but don’t really feel confident sharing them on your account you can send by anon instead, still gonna get answered and no judgement passed :) )

NOW! ONTO MY RAMBLINGS!

First of all, Athena. As someone whose name is literally ‘athena-rocks’ I’m sure you can guess that I feel very passionately about this and have a lot to say.

The first thing I want to bring up is the whole child thing. Athena is a virgin goddess why does she have a child? From what I understand Annabeth is born from her mind, as in thought. Which is immensely stupid. The only account of asexual reproduction I can think of is Hera and the birth of Hephaestus, but even then she had a pregnancy and he was born, he didn’t just show up?? The only being I can think of that just pop up is Chaos, who is seen as both a God and a thing, it is, it’s primordial, so are Athena’s children in this also primordial? No they’re demigods.

Also the idea that Athena just abandons her children? No! There’s literally a myth that directly opposes it! Erichthonius!

Erichthonius is the first king of Athens, before Athens got super amazing and awesome and totally cool and really popular and thus got the totally cool founding myth of Athena vs Poseidon. He was born after Hephaestus tried to assault Athena, he’s autochthonous meaning born of the earth. Some of Hephaestus’s… seed, got onto Athena’s thigh, she wiped it off and threw it to the earth as she ran away and Erichthonius is born.

Now Athena has no obligation to this child, it’s not hers in any form, it came from the man who tried to assault her, yet she still chooses to look after and raise the child! There! She has no reason to do this but does, so why she would abandon the children that she does have an obligation to?

And by all accounts I can find Erichthonius had a good childhood, he’s half snake creature thing and when the daughters of Cecrops (who Athena had given Erichthonius to with him in a basket and told them not to open it while she did something) saw him and were horrified Athena either drove them mad so they killed themselves or dropped a mountain she was carrying in rage. So she cares about him.

Now, the Medusa thing.

Medusa was a monster, the original Greek myth she was always a monster. I understand the appeal of a woman who can defend herself from any man who would dare harm her by just glaring at them, but can’t she just have always been that? Can’t she have just always been a powerful monster who can always protect herself? I’m mostly upset at the Medusa thing in this context because I’ve seen people shipping her with Athena, which is weird as Athena is not only a virgin goddess but a mythological figure who was and in some sense still is worshipped to this day.

There are myths that also actively oppose this, when Cassandra was raped Athena was so furious she drive lesser Ajax mad so he killed himself and for 1000 years they had to send maidens to become Athena’s priestesses to appease her. But Medusa being raped by Poseidon, someone who she’s been known to have beef with? No. Fuck her.

AND ARES!!

Ares who killed someone for harassing his daughter, Ares who is the only God to have never assaulted someone, A BAD FATHER?? A CRUEL MAN??? Anger issues? Sure! I can accept that! But bad father? No.

I think the PJO series just hates the idea of war God’s being good parents and it shows.

I’ll end here, but if anyone would like to add on to this post or argue against me please feel free to. Just don’t be an asshole, I’m fine to discuss peacefully I’m not fine with just being flat out attacked.

Thank you for reading!

[shesgabrielle]

Doctor Who #4

Still on series 2 but getting towards the end, I have some opinions:

Once we got past the problem evident in the first four episodes, (four was also awkward, as the female single episode actress was playing it very seriously, like a period drama, rather than with the tongue-in-cheek attitude that episode, and most episodes usually need, but otherwise an intriguing plotline which was effectively pulled off)

Two cyberman episodes follow, which is also where they offload poor Mickey in the plot, and it's ironically the time this actor seems most appealing and emotional (he starts a new life in another dimension) and then we have the interesting episode The Idiot's Lantern, the only part I thought didn't quite work was at the very end when, bafflingly, Billie's character encouraged a young boy character to run after his father, who throughout the episode was very clearly an abusive menace, (like it was very overt) and his mother was finally brave enough to kick him out at the end - and there was also the implication that the young boy was gay - a character calls him a 'mommy's boy' and the father retorts that it should be 'beaten out of him' plus the boy gives an impassioned speech at another time, including a line about people being able to love whoever they want, so it's heavily implied - the son seems like a very endearing character too, and this guy is very clearly a nasty man in the plot and a threat to his son, and it feels like the lines at the end where Billie/Rose says he should go after him 'because he's your dad' go against everything else that happened in the plot before that, and even how Rose behaved towards the abusive man (very sternly) through the rest of the episode, yet suddenly now she sympathises. Seems like some overzealous editor took it personally and changed a few lines, since that boy should absolutely not be running after that man. Anyway, otherwise very good, quite an unusual and complex world they created within ordinary surrounds and a single episode. I remembered the next ones, The Impossible Planet and The Satan Pit as being very good and special, and they were. Very much serious sci fi, no silly elements, with an amazing plotline and concept which is well worth the two-parter and payoff, and great performances all round. And then followed by an episode which I remembered as being pretty poor and silly, and phenomenally, it was even worse than I remembered on the second viewing - it exists entirely outside of the main plotline of the series, and the actual Doctor and Rose barely feature in it, (and feature in a really odd way where they are not quite playing their characters, it's like a joke version of them told in third person) it really feels like a bunch of actors requested to be in an episode and to appease them, they cobbled together a 3/10 plotline and literally barely bothered to include any science fiction aspects or even the lead actors. It's both boring, unpleasant, creepy (in terms of Peter Kay's alien, which is somehow incredibly boring, mundane, and creepy all at once - and yes him being a main character probably explains half of why this episode is so bad) and just plain random, like it's not even making any kind of relatable point, truly the shoehorn of shoehorned episodes. They truly should have accidentally lost this one in some irreplacable way, right after filming was complete so it would never see the light of day, but the actors who wanted it to happen still got to have their fun. Three more episodes left of this season, highlights are New Earth and The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit with every other episode being intriguing and worthwhile so far, except for Love and Monsters, which is truly terrible and entirely skippable since it exists outside of the ongoing plot.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Listen I know it’s toxic but like the thought of any of the alphas throwing hands/fucking someone up over something is hoootttt. Yes Channie i will let you defend my honor in a way that appeases your primal form.

UGH, i know it's toxic, too, but......... it really is appealing.

listen, i got some Thoughts on this one, and they got longer than i expected so i'll put them under a cut.

Chris would be so, so scary. he's usually all smiles and super gentle and the type to go "let's fix this with communication", but when angry????? there's no communication going on. he'd be eerily quiet, would probably get very aggressive to the point of almost leaving the other person unconscious. which is why pretty mum always tries her best to calm him down. he'd feel super ashamed after, probably.

Changbin would be the loud type of angry. a lot of shouting and growling and these threatening gutural noises. his toxic alpha traits shine brighter than ever. he will leave the other person unconscious. autumn would probably be the type to let him do what he feels like he must, but might step in from time to time to try and calm him down as well.

however, i feel like Minho would be the scariest of them all. i feel like he hardly ever feels these levels of anger, but if he does and acts on it? he's wild. pure, uncontained animalistic violence. kitten might try to stop him, but on the inside she's cheering him on because she supports both his rights and his wrongs...

honestly? i feel like i, too, would want them to defend my honour......

[captainclervals]

2 lazy to log into my frankenstein acc to send this anyway…

i’ve made a post abt this b4 on clervalsteins i think maybe not actually but i do really enjoy exploring the idea of walton teaching victor love again (even if it’s never mutual romantic love between them), especially after henry. how much would victor have to relearn and understand while also finding out things that are new . . . IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE !! but it’s just the idea of victor finding a sense of love again in walton whether it’s platonic or romantic, in ways that clerval couldn’t touch because they were special to walton or ways that hadn’t been touched Since him.

either way victor would never share those thoughts with walton since he’s terrified of hurting another person… ANYWAY sorry if you literally can’t answer this i just saw u wanted to talk abt frankenstein to people but i am horrible at dms so i send this

I saved this for when i could sit and type up a response at length because YOU ARE SO RIGHT. YOU. YOU GET IT. POINTS.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE CONCEPT!! I don't know why it appeals to me so much bahaha it's not just tragedy (the effects of which might be painful but are so interesting to explore in stories) but it's also the. hmm. hm. the opportunity for them both to learn something new, to improve their worst qualities, to unwittingly stumble across a compromise by each giving up what they want most and finding that by giving up their own selfish hopes or desires and no longer trying to apply certain roles to each other, they can learn who each other really is and appreciate for who they are, not who they hope they'd be

wait this has to go under a readmore i'm about to ramble so much

because like. at the start. there's so much one-sided passion and walton falls in love with the concept of victor more than who victor really is. he knows his whole life story yet doesn't really know him at all, he's just this picture of someone educated and refined who made that expedition into the uncharted territory of science and discovered something incredible and he's everything that walton admires and wishes to be and there's this weird.... parasocial element... he knows everything about him factually but doesn't truly know him personally and theres a massive gap to be bridged

i've written up so many fics on this concept but i LOVE speculating on the possibilities of how their relationship could have developed. walton is simultaneously the perfect person to teach victor to love again but also the worst person. he shares some of victor's worst unhealthiest traits, but he also has enough traits similar to henry that victor can't just close off from him entirely even though its agonizing to receive that sort of tenderness and hear that poetry coming from someone else. if victor keeps his eyes shut, the hands tucking his blankets around him or smoothing back his hair feel so familiar, but not in the comforting way that grounds him and reminds him that he's safe, but familiar like a ghost of someone he loved, and it only reminds him of what's not there anymore

and he commits himself to taking walton as his second chance, not seeing him as his own person worthy of respect and honesty and understanding, but as someone victor can make it up to, a chance to do things differently. if he hurt walton, not only would he have the guilt of him alone, but another fresh wave of the guilt he's had over henry, and his family, like it's happening all over again and he knows he can't handle that so he resigns to appeasing walton just to stave off that guilt—but doesn't consider the guilt of hiding his feelings from walton and confusing him and making him feel even more distanced because he can tell victor is unhappy, but victor is an expert at not telling the truth about the reasons for his misery and didn't learn his lesson about telling the truth, however bitter and painful, to save those around him even more pain, so by keeping it to himself in hopes of not hurting walton he just hurts him even more

they could both learn SO MUCH through each other in repairing their faults.... and i'd like to think that with time together, they do start learning who they really are. victor doesnt have to feel like he owes walton what he gave or couldnt give to henry. walton realizes that victor is just another person, deeply flawed, and instead of elevating him on a pedestal and keeping himself beneath him, he starts to see him on equal grounds. he wasnt a beautiful mysterious gift left by some divine intervention in waltons path meant just for him to fill that empty place in his heart like nobody else could—he's just a person who lived his own life and made his own decisions. and even though walton spent his life longing for someone just like victor, already in love with him before theyd ever even met, itd never mattered to victor whether walton existed at all, and when he accepts that it opens up a new kind of respect. the healthy kind of respect between friends, the kind that lets you talk candidly and be honest and set boundaries and love each other a lot more as a result

I much prefer an outcome of like. its never mutually romantic, and as much as walton craves that type of relationship, he knows victor doesn't want it, and he accepts that and respects it and is content to have him in his life in any capacity. and to some degree victor can't understand it because he knows walton wants that intimacy, how can he be happy with it out of reach? he's an explorer at heart, his dream is to be the first to set foot where nobody else has, shouldnt victor be that temptation for him? but he never tries to recklessly conquer his heart despite that overwhelming level of devotion and passion.

and slowly victor could realize that there's different ways to love,, he would hate to acknowledge that what he feels is love because he's learned how love puts people in dangerous situations—look what happened to everyone else he loved, admitting love is just putting a target of misfortune on them, admitting it would be telling the rest of the world to turn on them—but could he actually call it love? it doesnt feel anything like he felt for his siblings, or the rest of his family, or his friends, or henry, and somehow it's both the familiar and unfamiliar in one, and secure and confusing, and he doesn't want to delve into uncharted territory anymore or learn new secrets about the depths of human emotion or pinpoint something else undiscovered—he didnt give his creation a name and he doesnt even want to try giving this a name. if he doesnt give it a name, he can't claim it and it can't be a part of him

meanwhile walton doesnt even consider the semantics. he doesnt need to justify how he feels by separating it from everything else and putting it in a box. he loves victor in a different way than hes ever loved anyone else and he's so acutely aware of how overwhelming and consuming it is but he knows that it's still love, and that the love he feels for victor doesn't replace or negate the love he feels for his sister or his nieces or his friends. and victor can slowly learn that aspect too, learn that feeling and accepting a new love doesnt mean he's replacing the old ones, or dismissing them, or trying to forget they ever existed, and a fresh love that brings him happiness doesnt mean he's just selfishly moving on from the ones who suffered. his brothers and sister and parents and friends and henry all loved him, they wouldnt want him to wander alone and aimless in misery the rest of his life, they would want him to find love and safety somewhere

and the moment he stops living like a martyr and piously renouncing any comforts or joys in life and devoting himself to emotional suffering just to "make up" in any degree for what he's done, he actually could start recovering and growing. then he could genuinely start pouring love and energy and compassion into others the way he never truly could when he was focused so much on himself and his own feelings and maybe at some point he could accept that, while it is a tragedy that he couldn't have given so much of himself in the past to those he loved, and while maybe he could have prevented so many of those disasters, what he does in the present is still worth it

[eroaneki]

I think about /him/ a lot.

Not because I miss him. Not because I'm upset over how things went down.

I think more than anything, I was always fascinated by him. I knew he had an entire game he used to play. He used to do his best to make people dependent on him in one way or another, often feigning interest and tempting them with promises of engagements. Often multiple women at the same time. Tried busting in me once and then tried to convince me there's no reason for me to go get Plan B, though he drove me around to get it anyway.

He tried entrapping people so they'd never leave him. Serious abandonment issues. He's always been a very interesting study for me, and I think that was most of the appeal to him. He was a puzzle you had to decode. He was different. His actions were so bizarre and outlandish. It's like he'd throw himself willingly onto hot coals just so people would see him, promise them the world, bend and mold himself into multiple different people, all to appease everyone other than himself.

And then wonder why he felt like such a piece of shit all the time. Why he hated himself and never felt like any of the people around him were genuine, had no idea who he was. He was so afraid of others. So utterly terrified of people seeing him. And I loved him for it? I saw him? I was attracted to him because I had to peel back multiple layers of his bullshit facade in order to get to him. And he'd keep pulling away from me each time I got close. But I would get closer and closer with every attempt.

I do wonder if anything he ever told me was real. I still to this day have no idea if it was all an act, though I feel toward the end it was maaaaybe genuine? Maaaaybe one or two things? I don't doubt he meant it when he'd told me I was one of the most headstrong people he knew. And essentially told me he doesn't deserve me after things he's done and the kind of person he was after the last time we were involved. I feel like he finally let the mask down a bit with me toward the end and it was actually him speaking to me. Not the version of him he thought I would want.

Sometimes I miss him and wonder how he's doing. Not romantically, but just as someone to talk to. He was fun. I loved his flamboyant nature and his sass. He looked at those parts of himself with shame and disgust, but I always genuinely loved those things about him. I loved him, I guess. Even if he was a womanizing twat. He was still fun and meant a great deal to me, and is a very large part of who I am today. And he always will be.

He was my first love. I may have not ever meant jack shit to him (I still have no clue and probably never will), but that doesn't make how I felt about him any less valid.

[robininthelabyrinth]

The Quiet Room

- chapter 9/fin -

“Wangji is doing well,” Lan Qiren said, cradling his teacup, allowing it to warm his hands as he breathed in the aroma. He had been sitting in silence for what felt like a shichen, hoping that Lan Xichen would start the conversation, but he had been disappointed.

Again.

Lan Xichen stared down at his hands, head bowed and face a little pale. Lan Qiren remembered when his nephew would greet him every afternoon with a smile – he remembered, too, the way that smile had become less and less real, more and more fake, and no matter how he tried to talk to him, he simply could not get Lan Xichen to tell him why. Lan Qiren had worried that it was the pressures of being the heir, of his expected future role as sect leader, and he’d done his best to bear as much of the weight of that as he could, while he could; he had thought it was the rising tide of the inescapable war, looming on the horizon; he had thought a thousand things. He had wondered if Lan Xichen was lonely, or saddened, or even angry, and he’d tried in each case to do what he could to ease his nephew’s unspoken dissatisfaction and nameless anxieties – but as long as Lan Xichen was unwilling to tell him what was wrong, Lan Qiren could do nothing. Nothing but be there for him, and back then, it had seemed like Lan Xichen had appreciated that, that that had been enough.

Perhaps he should have tried harder.

Perhaps if he had, things might not have…

No, there was no point in thinking like that.

Maintain your own discipline, after all.

In the end, Lan Qiren had been separated from Lan Xichen during much of the war, a necessity dictated by his nephew’s bravery and his own injuries, and then by the needs of the war itself. He had comforted himself in thinking that at least Lan Xichen had Nie Mingjue at his side – Nie Mingjue had been one of the few people who could win a real smile out of Lan Xichen in those later years, when nothing else seemed to work. They had been so charming as children, each one of them enraptured and fascinated by the other, and they had seemed so happy…they had been so happy.

It wasn’t a surprise that Lan Xichen returned from the war different from how he had been before. That was what war did, that maker and breaker of men; if Lan Qiren could have kept his nephews, who he loved like his own sons, from ever having to know battle, he would have done so no matter what the cost, even if the cost was his own life. He couldn’t, though, and afterwards, it felt as if what had been a small distance between them had turned into a chasm.

Perhaps Jin Guangyao had started in on his tricks even as far back as that. It was quite possible – Lan Xichen, normally quite filial, hadn’t bothered informing Lan Qiren of his intention to become sworn brothers with Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao until it had already been announced publicly, and after that, naturally, Lan Qiren had to treat Jin Guangyao with respect lest he be seen as stepping on his nephew’s face.

It was hard to say now, in retrospect, if Lan Qiren had had any inkling of what the man had been like. Lan Qiren would have liked to think that he hadn’t liked him on sight, but everything had been such a mess in those days, and Jin Guangyao so good at playing the part of a gentle and virtuous man, exactly the sort of person to appeal to the heart of a teacher like him – he really couldn’t be sure.

He did know that he’d disliked him later, after what had happened to Lan Wangji. It hadn’t been even Jin Guangyao’s fault, really. Lan Wangji’s punishment had been a harsh one, probably too harsh, breaking Lan Qiren’s heart into a thousand pieces, but it had been what was necessary to appease the anger of the sect while maintaining Lan Wangji’s reputation and freedom, and Lan Qiren had through bitter experience learned to value freedom above all else. Despite having put together the punishment himself after negotiations lasting both day and night, despite sincerely believing that it was the only way forward and there was no way out, watching the punishment be administered had been by far the worst moment of Lan Qiren’s life, and he had had many to compare.

Watching had hurt Lan Xichen as well – watching, and having to consent to it, even if he hadn’t been responsible for coming up with it the way Lan Qiren had. But afterwards, when Lan Qiren had come at once to Lan Wangji’s side, ready to bear whatever condemnation his nephew wished to throw at him – to be forgiven or rejected, to provide answers or to remain distant, whatever Lan Wangji wished – Lan Xichen had instead distanced himself, turning his face away with the thin excuse of sect business to keep him away.

Turning away…towards Jin Guangyao.

Lan Qiren had tried to talk to Lan Xichen about it – to share sorrows and commiserate or help – but every time he did, Jin Guanyao had been there. Even for someone like Lan Qiren, who was set in his ways and not especially skilled at understanding people, it didn’t take long to realize that Jin Guangyao was ever so subtly and politely impeding Lan Qiren’s attempt to connect with his nephew, and that Lan Xichen was endorsing it.

If it hadn’t been for that endorsement, Lan Qiren would have fought his way through – he was as stubborn as any other Lan, and certainly no less than his nephews. But once he understood that this distance, this refusal to compromise or connect or anything, was what Lan Xichen wanted…he had felt that he had no choice but to step back and respect his nephew’s wishes.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have. Perhaps…

There was no point in thinking about it that way.

Be strict with yourself, be easy on others.

Lan Qiren did not hold a grudge over his nephew’s past acts, for he loved him too much to do that. His love for his nephew was unconditional, even if he was genuinely disappointed in the man he had become or the actions he had taken. But simply because he loved him and always would did not mean that he would so easily forgive and forget what had been done – the Lan sect’s rule admonished them to Earn trust, not to take it for granted. The effort of repairing what he had shattered fell on his nephew’s shoulders, and only Lan Xichen could decide what to do next.

Lan Qiren only hoped that now the poison that was Jin Guangyao was gone and the lesson so harshly learned, now that he had time to understand all that he had lost through his own conduct and reflect on himself and his actions, time to mourn all that had happened before, Lan Xichen could at last begin to properly heal – at last begin to finally grow to be content with himself in the way Lan Qiren had always wanted for him.

After what felt like an age, Lan Xichen cleared his throat. “I’m happy to hear that Wangji is well.”

A dull parrot croaking back the words said to it verbatim would have been a better conversationalist.

Lan Qiren did not sigh, though he wanted to.

“He’s started wearing his ribbon again,” he said conversationally, and noted that Lan Xichen’s head lifted in interest despite himself. “While I do not think he will be returning to the Cloud Recesses on a permanent basis any time soon, he has reaffirmed himself as a member of the Lan sect.”

Lan Wangji would follow the rules as he saw fit, thinking seriously as to what they were and what they meant, accepting them voluntarily and whole-heartedly the way he had done before, and he'd teach the two boys he'd taken with him the same – Lan Qiren was pleased by that, at least, even though he suspected that Lan Wangji’s interpretation of the rules would not match up especially well with his own.

It was still better than losing him entirely.

(Lan Qiren had his own conduct to reflect on, too. He’d thought he was doing the right thing, and yet…had he really? Had he acted too rashly, too consumed with his own past horrors to see the different world of the presence? Had he also failed Lan Wangji? What about those two boys, which Lan Wangji had taken away as if he did not trust that they would thrive here? What was the right thing to have done, under such circumstances? What was the right thing to do?)

“Is Wangji happy?” Lan Xichen asked, and it was the most attention he’d paid to anything Lan Qiren had said since they had started this ritual in the days following the unsuccessful attack on the Unclean Realm. “With…with Wei Wuxian, I mean?”

“I think he is, yes.”

Now that had been a disaster of untold proportions.

It had all happened so quickly, and Lan Qiren had not been present; everything he knew about it was only by report. Unsurprisingly, the Jin sect had been in complete chaos after their would-be invasion had been rebuffed and thoroughly defeated, as anyone with any sense should have figured out from the start. After all, the Unclean Realm, shut behind its walls and shields, had been too fearsome a target and too tough a nut to crack even for the Wen sect at the height of its power, and that was before one accounted for Jiang Cheng’s heroic if near-suicidal bravery, dropping everything to rush over to Qinghe with as many disciples as he could spare the second he saw the beacon light up, determined to ensure that no other sect suffered a fate like his own had. It had gotten even worse for the Jin sect once it was discovered that their leadership was now gone, with Jin Guangshan dead at Jiang Cheng’s hand – Lan Qiren hoped for Jiang Cheng’s sake that he’d enjoyed eliminating the odious man that had so sadistically enjoyed threatening him through his nephew, though he genuinely believed Jiang Cheng’s persistent insistence that he hadn’t intended to kill him – and Jin Guangyao’s corpse being produced a few days later without any explanation. Rumors could not seem to decide what had been the likely cause of death, whether it seemed as if he’d died by his own hand or if it had been something more sinister than that. The condition of the body apparently rendered it uncertain…

At any rate, it had been a complete mess. The remaining people in the Jin sect had therefore all rushed home, looking for someone to take over and tell them what to do…

Well, that was the charitable explanation, anyway.

More accurately, after the Jin sect completely lost both face and leadership, the influential members of the sect realized that the only living heirs to the position of sect leader were little Jin Ling, who was still a toddler, and Mo Xuanyu, one of Jin Guangshan’s bastards by some barely noble mortal lady from some remote village, the latter of which had been brought back and recognized as a son of Jin Guangshan’s more as a jibe aimed at undercutting Jin Guangyao than for his own merits, which were thoroughly lacking. Those influential sect members clearly realized that the first person to control those two would control the sect, and had immediately started fighting for the right to do just that.

Unfortunately for everyone, Xue Yang had gotten there first.

Xue Yang was a traitorous dog, a wretched delinquent and later criminal murderer, but Jin Guangshan had defended and sheltered him despite it all. It had been one of the main subjects upon which he had clashed with Nie Mingjue, especially after the incident with the massacre of the Yueyang Chang sect and the intervention of the already famous Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. Somehow it appeared that Xue Yang had received early word of what had happened, or perhaps he had just been waiting for an opportunity when everyone was gone to make mischief; at any rate, he’d either enticed or intimidated poor Mo Xuanyu into performing a forbidden body-offering ritual that summoned Wei Wuxian back to the world.

Not that they’d known it was Wei Wuxian, at least at first.

Well, Lan Wangji – there as part of the Nie sect’s counter-attacking force, grim-faced and determined not to let the Jin sect weasel out of their wrongdoing this time – had somehow managed to figure it out, and after that rather a lot of other things had happened all at once in very quick succession before Wei Wuxian had been somehow, miraculously accepted back into the cultivation world once again.

There were details in a report somewhere or another, if Lan Qiren wished to look. He hadn’t quite been able to bring himself to do it yet. After all, in the end, Lan Qiren cared about the entire series of events only insofar as his second nephew was happy once again.

“I would even dare to say that he is happy to excess,” he said, his voice a little dry. “It is probably for the best that he is living in the Unclean Realm at the moment, as I suspect the hearts of our Lan sect elders might not be able to tolerate seeing such…profound displays of joy.”

They can’t keep their hands off each other, he meant, feeling deeply long-suffering over the whole unstoppable debacle – his family and their unrestrained hearts, fools every one of them! – and Lan Xichen, despite the depths of his misery, momentarily looked pleased and even amused to hear it.

“Nie Huaisang has announced that he is planning their wedding whether they consent or no,” Lan Qiren said, and watched Lan Xichen’s expression tense. He knew his nephew suspected Nie Huaisang of having somehow contrived to cause Jin Guangyao’s death, and knew, also, that Lan Xichen was torn up inside over it, not knowing how to feel. It was clear enough to Lan Qiren that, on one hand, Lan Xichen mourned the death of the person he had thought was his friend, the illusion Jin Guangyao had projected for him, while on the other, he knew now what Jin Guangyao had really been like, and could not help but be glad that he was gone. And yet still more, Lan Xichen knew, too, that Jin Guangyao’s death had been the only thing preventing his former friend from going to a public trial to suffer for his crimes and his father’s, from facing that level of collective disdain and disgust from the entire cultivation world, which would have been the fate that Jin Guangyao would have hated the most, abhorred even more than death…Lan Xichen couldn’t decide if Nie Huaisang had done what he thought he had done, and he didn’t know if he should hate him for it or thank him for sparing Jin Guangyao that last indignity.

Torn up inside was really too mild a word for it.

“I have faith that Huaisang will do a good job,” Lan Xichen finally said, clearly choosing to soldier on past his discomfort. Lan Qiren nodded in approval. “He’s not as useless as he used to pretend to be.”

“He is still rather useless,” Lan Qiren said, and wanted to sigh. He didn’t know how he’d gotten the reputation for being able to turn trash into gold and a waste into a gentleman, but even less did he understand how that ridiculous reputation of his had managed to survive the fact that Nie Huaisang had been his student three times over and still turned out like that. “Don’t try asking him any questions he doesn’t feel like answering, that’s for sure…but yes, he’s grown up a little, at long last. I’m given to understand that he’s actually started helping out around his sect, doing little things here and there. He’s discovered that he has a small talent for arrays and astronomy and promptly let it go to his head, strutting around like a peacock in springtime.”

As Lan Qiren had hoped, Lan Xichen actually smiled at that image.

A moment later, and the smile faded.

It was only to be expected. After all, Lan Qiren was reporting information about the inner affairs of another sect, and given the still-tense relationship between Lan Wangji and any members of the Lan sect, there was only one person he could have heard it from.

“Shufu,” Lan Xichen said, voice trembling. “How is…how is Chifeng-zun faring?”

Lan Qiren did sigh, this time.

“You don’t get to ask that, you know,” he reminded Lan Xichen gently, and his nephew dropped his head down, staring at the table with his face gone grey again. “But he’s doing – not good, perhaps, but fine. Manageable. As well as can be expected. He’s not happy about being stuck with the Chief Cultivator position that Jin Guangshan invented – I believe he’s proposed that it become a rotating position. It’s unclear if that proposal will be successful, however, given that Sect Leader Jiang nearly threw a fit when he heard of it and realized that it meant that he’d have to take a turn.”

“I can imagine,” Lan Xichen murmured. “He’s already responsible for twice the number of sects, after all.”

“Not quite. Madame Qin has now officially taken charge of matters in Lanling Jin, acting as regent for her nephew – she’s a sweet girl, honest, and with Jiang Cheng there to look out for Jin Ling’s interests, there’s no cause for concern. While they are still in the midst of dividing up everything that had become overly entangled between the two sects, it will not take long before it has been done, and we have four separate Great Sects once more.”

Lan Xichen nodded. He still looked as though he wanted to say something, so Lan Qiren waited patiently, although he knew that there was every chance that Lan Xichen would simply give up once again, sighing and dropping his head to his shoulders, retreating behind a wall of silence that no one could breach.

Today, however, his patience was rewarded.

“Shufu, I know I don’t have the right to ask,” Lan Xichen said abruptly, breaking the long silence. “But tell me anyway. Has Mingjue-xiong found another lover?”

Of course it would be that, Lan Qiren thought, not without sympathy. There was nothing in the world so precious as what you had once held in your hands, treated too lightly, and finally lost through your own negligence.

“He has not,” he said. “I do not believe he has any plans to do so in the near future. But time heals all wounds, and he is a sect leader, with obligations. I would expect to hear happy news sooner or later.”

Lan Xichen exhaled, the sound of it loud in the thick silence of the hanshi. He looked neither rejoicing nor regretful, but almost a little bit relieved – as if merely gathering his courage to ask the question had been a great effort, and that in doing so, he had perhaps so released a little of the poison still stuck in his chest.

Lan Qiren could only hope.

“That is all the news I have from outside,” Lan Qiren concluded. He put his teacup down and stood, intending to leave, but before he could, Lan Xichen reached out and caught his sleeve in his fingers, just the way he had done when he’d been a little child who hadn’t known any better.

Lan Qiren came to a halt, waiting.

“Shufu,” Lan Xichen said. “When Wangji defied the sect, he was punished. I – did what I did, with Jin Guangyao…you said that I would be punished, too. When will that be?”

“Your actions and Wangji’s are not the same, and so too your punishments are by necessity different,” Lan Qiren said. “You will not be sentenced to any strikes with the discipline whip.”

“But…I deserve to be punished.” Lan Xichen’s voice was urgent. “Shouldn’t I be punished?”

Lan Qiren felt tired, and old. Far older than his years.

“Xichen,” he said quietly. “You are the sect leader. Your life belongs to the sect, not yourself, and you will have to live up to that. You are going to have sit across the table from all the rest of them, the sect leaders of Great Sects and small sects both, familiar and less familiar, everyone who knows what you did and who you did it for. You are going to have to do that for the rest of your life. That’s punishment enough.”

Lan Xichen flinched as if Lan Qiren had struck him. It would have been kinder if he had struck him.

“I can’t do that,” he whispered. “Shufu, I can’t.”

“You must.”

“Shufu…” Lan Xichen looked up at him pleadingly. “I want to go into seclusion.”

Lan Qiren shook his head. It was not the first time Lan Xichen had asked for that, but Lan Qiren knew better than most that the quiet of seclusion, just like the forceful peace of the jingshi, their quiet room, was not always the best remedy in every case. There were cases in which the jingshi was too strong a medicine, as it was for people like Nie Mingjue, and cases, too, where it was too weak, unable to actually solve the problem that was before it; the same was true for seclusion.

He did not believe that seclusion was the right remedy here.

To put it bluntly, Lan Xichen’s fault had always been his cowardice, his desire to run away. He had not wanted to tell Nie Mingjue that he was dissatisfied with their relationship or that he wanted more, he had not wanted to confront his own anxieties, he had not wanted to admit fault, he had tried to hide himself away from the world…Jin Guangyao might have encouraged him, but it had been Lan Xichen’s own choice to succumb to those blandishments, to use them as an excuse to do what he’d so selfishly wanted to do anyway.

Maintain your own discipline.

For him, seclusion would be just more hiding. Hiding and hiding, until he was just the shadow of a person, existing rather than living…how could Lan Qiren allow that?

“You cannot,” he said, knowing his words were harsh and the message still harsher, but he hoped in his heart of hearts that the harshness would help, that Lan Xichen would finally find it within himself to rise to the occasion. “You are sect leader. I cannot handle the work of it any longer, and Wangji is no longer here; the only one who can do it is you. It is your burden, your life – no other person can bear it for you.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes were red.

He was still in mourning, still miserable, still despondent, and that was all reasonable, just to be expected. But at the same time, Lan Qiren thought that there had been some progress today: Lan Xichen had held a conversation with him, he had answered questions and asked others. He had inquired as to the things he wanted to know, even though he had known that the answers would hurt him.

Maybe sometime soon, if not tomorrow than some time after, he would go still further.

When he did – when Lan Xichen finally raised his head up high and acknowledged the mistakes he had made, acknowledged and learned from them, swore to himself that he would be a better person going forward and accepted that there was no going back, no making up for what he had done, when he accepted that he might not ever be forgiven and that even if he was there was no getting back what he had lost…

When Lan Xichen finally emerged from his self-induced misery, Lan Qiren would be there to support him.

“You made your choices, Xichen,” he reminded him. “Now you must live with them.”

He left, leaving Lan Xichen sitting in the hanshi behind him as he went, his hands clasped behind his back. Night was falling, and the Cloud Recesses was quiet.

As for whether it was the honest quiet of self-reflection or the insidious quiet of self-deceit…

Well, it was quiet.

[mugunghwc]

@zhuangshii​

    new costumers came by every day on masses. some, out of their own accord while others, under the recommendations of those who had seen what stardust had to offer. ‘a host club unlike any other’, they’d say, but most of the time, they didn’t disclaim as to why that was. it was just something that one should witness for themselves, rather than being told about—building up the anticipation & excitement of those who graced the club for the very first time.

    eager eyes scanning the area after paying an entrance fee, only to be met with a desolated area, sporting a bar & an unused stage with a piano untouched. the confusion almost became a part of the appeal; guiding patrons to the basement floor of the building where the music was louder & more lively, than the one from the first floor. the smooth jazz was nothing in comparison to the booming sound of speakers playing downstairs; going with the overall aesthetic of the floor. it could’ve been mistaken by a nightclub with its dim light over where the booths were, & the neon colours decorating the state. a long hall going from the stairs to the centre of the room, leading patrons to be exposed to the true nature of stardust, also known as the garden of eden among those who frequented it. it took once glance to see why, as women shamelessly had their way with their favourite hosts whose identities were barely concealed with a mask. their bodies, however ( at least, the upper half ), exposed for them to see. a display of vulgarity to appease to women’s deepest desires.

    it was always easy to spot the new face—those who looked so out of place by their surroundings, looking like a deer in headlights. the hosts that weren’t occupied by then would all swerve in that direction like vultures, trying to tear at new meat. however, whenever the owner of the club was around, he took it upon himself to be the one to greet their costumer first & make sure to ease them into this new world he had built for people like her.

    “welcome to stardust. it seems like it’s your first time here.”

[erenaeoth]

do u have any specific headcanons for kazuya and jun’s relationship dynamic? i loved reading the chapters u wrote about these two in ur series and would like to know more about how u interpret their feelings for each other

Kazuya and Jun's Relationship

Hello this ask got away from me (as usual) sorry!

Hey thanks for the ask, and I'm very glad you enjoyed my writing of them! All the chapters in Iron Fist and Iron Will were written after Zen Gardens of the Heart where I really spent time thinking about Kazuya and Jun's relationship, so mostly I followed on from the dynamic I'd established in that. This is mostly a rundown of how I approached the relationship in Zen Gardens with some indicators of why I went this way based on canon material!

My motivation for writing Zen Gardens was to sit down with the canonical material and puzzle out from the tidbits of info we had what a believable relationship between Kazuya and Jun would look like. Writing Kazuya came more naturally since we have lots of info about him, but I had to reconstruct Jun a lot from fractions of information we had about her. To me there were certain questions that I had to address and work back from in order to understand both them and their relationship.

- What was it about Jun that let Kazuya let his guard down enough to have physical proximity with another human being?

To me, Kazuya comes over as extremely insular and controlling of his personal space. He's violent and volatile, with layers and layers of armour that he's built up to protect himself from others since early childhood. He will resort to violence and making people hate him before he lets someone come close to him or touch him. I wanted to think about what Jun offers him that's more than just 'I want to save you' or 'she's attractive'. I do think her Kazama ability to hush Devil up did give a lot to the initial attraction though. He noticed her because he could hear his own thoughts and think free of Devil's presence when he was around her.

Beyond that, I could see several things that would appeal to Kazuya about Jun. The first is that she confronts him. At the time when Kazuya is at the height of his power and everyone is bowing and conceding to him, Jun is one of the few people who never seeks to appease or supplicate to him, is never impressed by his power or wealth, never asks for favours. She intrigues him as someone he has no kind of conventional power over.

This gradually leads him into a kind of open honesty in return. The frustrating realisation that there isn't any part of him, no matter how honest he is, that's going to push Jun into believing that he cannot be saved or turned into a better person, makes him both cruelly reactionary, and makes him start to believe with her that maybe she's right. To me, the most important thing Jun offers Kazuya is hope in himself. For as long as he can remember, he's been hated and treated as something unnatural and irredeemable by his father, and has played into that role himself as an adult. Jun treating him as a human being worthy of love starts to open his eyes to the possibility of being a different person. He becomes more willing to change himself into the man she believes he can become.

- What is it about Kazuya that is important for Jun?

I've mentioned this in previous asks before, but even more important to me in Zen Gardens was to think about how Kazuya is good for Jun. I didn't want the relationship to be entirely one-sided and all give and no take for her. It felt vital to me for Kazuya's development in this relationship too that he perceived their relation as mutually desired, since he'd never permit proximity if he thought he was being pitied.

For Jun's initial interest in Kazuya, I had both her surprise at the depth of otherworldly darkness clinging to him, and the intensity of being subject to his attention. As a young woman living in mid-90s Tokyo in a male-dominated workplace, I imagined that she was often overlooked or talked down to, and never quite given the respect that she deserved as someone competent at her job. From the start, I always showed that Kazuya gave her a singular attention, respect, and affirmation, that wasn't just to do with attraction. I imagine Kazuya as someone with a lot of cunning and attention to detail, able to pick up easily on social cues if they catch his attention. He hates social attention on himself, but reads it and takes it apart in others for his own benefit. So for Jun, initially, there's an intoxication not just with the desire to understand this peculiar darkness around Kazuya, but also to return to proximity with him, where she feels respected and appreciated in a way she doesn't get elsewhere.

As their relationship develops, I focussed on things like Kazuya immediately picking up that she's a martial artist, from her musculature, the way she carries herself, and the way she speaks about martial arts. Jun admits that she's never had anyone assume she's a martial artist before, not even when she's in a gi in a dojo, something I've sadly seem a number of times in dojos. Kazuya meanwhile is someone who seems to never be hindered by appearances or to make premature judgements of character. He has little care for someone's background and cares only about their proficiencies. We can see this in his raising of Bruce Irvin, someone he just picked up from a random plane crash, to his head of security, and Anna, who's flirtatious manner and appearance never seems to bother or phase him as he just elevates her on the basis of her skills alone. I think that cutting incisiveness and ability to see truths and value honesty in people is something about him that Jun really appreciates. Kazuya, in marked contrast to Heihachi, isn't interested in deception or appearances and values blunt honesty over all else, including assumptions and stereotypes.

I had Kaz and Jun get very fiery over their opposing moral worldviews, but again, for Kazuya, being confronted in this way is really valuable to him, even if he's often mocking and dismissive of Jun's views. He mulls them over and they hang in his thoughts in between their meetings. He brings her views up later, and fights her on every point, trying to understand them and show Jun the naivety in her ideas. Jun, by contrast, can see someone who's lost and has built up what he's become out of necessity and fear. She believes that by endlessly giving Kazuya her patience and firm belief in the importance of compassion that she can show him a way of life that tears down his (understandable) assumption that the world is only violence and pain.

As you can see I get very wrapped up in talking about this lol. The to-and-fro dynamic and the desire of them both to want to understand the other was a key part of their relationship to me. They had to both desire to alter themselves for the other. The side characters in Zen Gardens also gave some really important additions to this dynamic. Quite early on, Lei is enraged by what he sees as Jun trying to 'fix' Kazuya. He asks her why she can't give her compassion to more worthy causes. Jun has to admit that she doesn't have an answer, and that she just wants to love Kazuya. She thinks everyone is a worthy cause and that Kazuya has never been given a chance before, but at the end of the day, it comes down to something simpler and that's that she enjoys his company.

Lee's role in the story is to kind of show that all through this, there is a real danger and edge to Kazuya. Lee is someone who's extremely close to Kazuya and knows all his secrets, but who's still on the receiving end of Kazuya's brutality. Lee's very aware that Jun is getting close to someone who's wildly unpredictable, and he frequently places himself nearby to intervene should matters call. He and the things that happen to him serve as an important way to show that, no matter how tame a face Kazuya is putting on around Jun, he's still someone doing terrible things. It was important to me to show that Jun is aware of this, and there is a bias in her actions towards Kazuya. She believes that her compassion can eventually save others from Kaz's actions, but she does suspend a lot of her condemnation just on the basis that at this point she's head-over-heels for the guy. Jun's not some infallible goddess, but a human with human desires.

The other side characters that play a really important role for showing another side to their relationship are Jun's family. They only know the Kazuya on Yakushima, have no knowledge of his global exploits, and only see this charming, aristocratic gentleman. They think he grounds Jun, and see a side of him that stops her from taking on too much work or doing too much for others, and reminding her to have time for herself. He intervenes when she's agreeing to take on too much, and he's willing to try new things for her, and adapt to her slower and rural pace of life. The Kazuya they see is a kind of window into the person he could have become. I think that's an important part of their relationship, because it allows people to see that Jun wasn't crazy for pursuing this, and was right actually that with patience and hope, Kazuya could have come to define himself by and held himself up to better standards.

Sooo, these are the main key themes running through their relationship for me. Growing closer to each other was about mutual vulnerability and self-discovery, and it was this that grounded their ability to love one another. Thanks for the ask and sorry for the mammoth answer! They are still very close to my heart :)

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

Stella and Stolas with the male Imp Overlord

Stella and Stolas with male Imp Overlord

When you, an Imp achieved your overlord status, lets just say that was something of an issue in the world of nobility.

Imps have always been the Hells servant class, every great dynasty and empire have been built off their backs. They were always meant to be ruled over, Not rule themselves.

But with your ascension to Overlord-ship, the pair found they had a very difficult desicion to make.

They could publicly oppose you. They were sure many of there fellow nobles would follow their lead, doing the same and under their banner, they could form a formidable opposition.

The only problem with that, is while they and there allies may oppose you, their enemies would be more then happy to support you. Whether that be directly or in the shadows.

And give the fact you, an Imp, had already achieved Overlord status, the last thing they needed was you against them, with the backing of disgruntled nobility.

So they did only other viable option. They got closer to you.

They formed an alliance with you in hopes of discovering what made you so unique. As well as ensuring you weren't an enemy.

You would initially be very suspicious of the pair.

Royalty had kept Imps down there entire existance, exploiting and enslaving them sing lucifers rebellion.

So you'd naturally have little, to no trust in the pairs intentions.

But as much as you distrusted the two, doing business with them was jus too beneficial to pass up, something the two went to lengths to ensure.

As the couple expected, in only a short period of time, you became even more powerful, amassing further wealth and territory.

And with this development, the two were quite happy there gamble had paid off. With their family becoming your largest business partner and as such benefited greatly from your prosperity.

As your business with the two increased, you'd slowly find yourself trusting the pair more, the two eagerly wanting to build on that.

And well, stolas being stolas, we all know he just couldn't help himself.

Being around such a domineering male Imp, one that spoke his mind and took shit from nobody. The way you didn't care in the slightest about his title and would tell him as much to his face.

Well, I think it's safe to say, he'd become Very interested in you, very quickly.

You wouldn't really mind Stolas.

You could tell he really didn't care much for politics, or the divide between hellbornes and royalty. He was just in it for a good time as well as securing his families continued survival. You could respect that.

Really the problem would be Stella.

It's fairly obvious she isn't too fond of Imps, likely having been raised to despise anyone she doesn't deem worthy.

And while your power and status would put you far above most every other Imp in her eyes, it would take a fair amount of time before she'd develop any kind of real respect for you.

But, given the chance to see just how capable and scrupulous you could be. A part of her would come to respect your cold-blooded you could be.

The truth was, Stolas had lost his blood lust when they were married. But you, you were a beast. Untamed and seemingly unstoppable.

While she initially wasn't fond of the idea of forming an alliance with you, doing it more so out of practicality over any genuine want to associate with you. She couldn't have realised just how good an idea it would turn out to be.

You were exactly what they needed, someone who could do the more 'dirty jobs' royalty often required, not only doing the job in a timely manner, but you always did it exactly to there expectations, never letting them down in the slightest.

The two held a party not long after your alliance began to prosper.

It was a fairly standard gathering of the Goeatia families allies and vassels families, the party working to both appease there egos and allow them to raise any concerns they may have to the couple.

Of course they had invited you, as despite the more recent nature of your power, you had quickly become an important business partner and asset to the Goetia family and they wanted to continue fostering that.

You had arrived fashionably late, clearly unhappy to be around so many nobles, a faint scowl across your features.

Despite your clear disgust, you still paid your respects to the two, thinking them for the invitation.

Leaving the pair you did what one does at such a gathering, you drank, partook in small talk and generally hung about.

But even with your invitation, it wasn't long until some asshat, decided to test you.

He attempted to publicly humiliate you. Pretending you were a servant and telling you, you were at the wrong area, or should be in the back serving drinks.

The asshole ran his mouth. You could handle that, you'd delt with plenty of loud idiots in your time, it was nothing new. But when he put his hands on you, attempting to push you about.

Well. You couldn't allow that.

It was in this moment that both Stella and Stolas saw why they had made the right choice in befriending you.

With a single brutally efficient strike, you dropped the noble like a sack of rocks.

Watching his body fall before calmly walking away, going about the party as though you hadn't just incapacitated one of the most powerful demons in hell.

Needless to say, no one at the party messed with you after that.

When it came to their relationship, she had little affection for Stolas.

She was still very committed to her marriage and family, of course but the once strapping, ambitious and blood thirsty Prince she had once thought she could love, had given way to an unambitious, soft hearted, stay at home dad.

And she just wasn't attracted to that.

But you... you were everything she saught in a mate.

Ambitious. Relentless. Dangerous and insatiable. You had no limits and seemed near unstoppable.

So, against her better judgement, she found herself falling for you. Something that was quite frustrating for the noble woman.

Stolas, would have absolutely no qualms about falling for you. He of course still cared for his family, but you were something else, something he desperately wanted.

The only problem unfortunately, was his family.

But with his wife being so close to you as well, both demons would be at something of an impass.

They couldn't pursue you in fear of there better halves finding out.

You, of course, where not blind to all this.

You could tell the two were slowly gravitating towards you, Stolas being particularly unsubtle about his pull.

And you found it was surprisingly easy to play the two off each other, Stolas was practically drooling over you and while she may try to hide it, you could tell Stella was very much attracted to you.

Stolas would be the easier of the pair to control.

A kind word here, a suductive touch there, a frustrated complaint about something over there and you could get him to do just about anything you wanted.

Stella would be more difficult, as It would take a considerable amount of time to have her overcome her ingrained discrimination towards Imps.

You likely needing to do so gradually, showing her how you were just as good as any snob with a royal title.

You'd need to be careful at first, ensuring that she truly did fancy you. But once you knew for sure, it wouldn't be difficult to seduce her.

All you'd need to do was appeal to her ego and show her your more dominant side.

Unlike stolas, it wouldn't be a physical dominance, it would a dominance of the mind. The owl princess finding your ability to dominate a room without lifting a finger, quite... intoxicating.

So, finding yourself in a love triangle of your own creation, you had a very specific plan.

When the pair of them first approached you, you knew, deep down, it was done out of fear.

Imps were nothing in Hell, and for you, an Imp to become an Overlord, that scared the BlueBloods.

And it should.

But if you were going to enter a relationship with these royals, they were going to be the ones who proposition you.

You'd be damned if you were gonna be the one begging for a relationship. They wanted it, and you knew they wanted it, they'd have to beg for it.

And beg they would.

The two came to an agreement. They both wanted you, but also didn't want to split up their family, so they would approach you together.

It was an awkward affair, in part due to you playing dumb to there intentions.

Stolas, being something of a bird brain, would draw it out, trying put their decision into words, but failing miserably.

Stella would just step in, opening the proposition of a relationship.

You would playfully think it over, already knowing the answer but you enjoyed watching the pair squirm.

You'd accept, the pair releasing a deep sigh before you pulled each of them into a passionate kiss.

However, much to Stolas' annoyance, you wouldnt sleep with them that night, choosing instead to just share there bed.

With a relationship like this, you'd have to spend the first few weeks ensuring there was a solid foundation to it.

Youd mostly do this through spending time with them, getting to know them on both an emotional and personal level.

Youd definitely sleep with Stolas first, taking the prince in his office.

Pushing him onto his desk and taking him rough and passionately, just how you knew he wanted it.

Youd do something more romantic for Stella. Likely having a simple, yet majestic diner before taking her to your now shared bedroom for a night of passionate fornication.

Despite there royal status, you would be the one wearing the pants in the relationship. As you could easily dominate each of them with words alone, Stolas even easier then Stella.

Of course you understood the importance of there image and would take a more back seat role in the relationship when needed.

Youd have a surprisingly intimate relationship with the pair.

Stolas was always open to anything you suggested, often initiating them himself. And while not nearly as common as stolas, Stella would often initiate intimacy with you.

Despite the two being married, Sex between all three of you would not be very common.

As both Stolas and Stella had quite different wants and needs in the bedroom that didn't quite mesh well.

Stolas wanted to be utterly dominated in the bedroom, completely at your mercy. While Stella wanted someone who could keep her pace, if not take control in the heat of passion.

Romance would be a priority for you, often doing your best to sweep them off there feet.

Luxurious dinners, dates on the town, the theatre. Nothing was ever too much.

Octavia would be a rather large bump in the relationship, as on one hand, you were essentially a whole new person intruding on her family, on the other hand, you were a wanted third partner in Stella and Stolas' marriage, you weren't tearing the family apart by being with them.

It would take a long time, and an even longer term strategy, but she would eventually warm up to you.

Never really coming to see you as a parent, but still part of the family.

While life wouldn't be without its problems,

The balance of power being a major source of arguments, as while Stolas was easy to tame, falling completely under your sway, Stella was far more head strong.

As such she'd often but heads with her rather submissive husband, saying he didn't do enough to keep up there family status.

She would often compare him to yourself, something you would always dismiss, having to step in and calm her down.

While you could dominate her husband easily, you'd need to control her in a more subtle ways. Appealing to her ego or planting ideas in her subconscious. Having mentioned when you forced her submission, likely in bed.

So, While it would certainly had its ups and downs, your life with your royal love Birds would be an incredibly love filled one.

Having the royal pair wrapped around your lottle finger, your power and status would grow exponentially. All the while the two would willingly give themselves to you, smothering you in there love and affection.

Thanking you as they made you stronger.

[bloodraynebeast]

Since I love to take things in fiction apart and analyse, let’s finally talk about the unexpected pairing of Yashiki / Mashita from Spirit Hunter. May also be writing this because I’m hyped for the third game Shibito Magire and I miss them both. First off, this series is severely underrated. I wish it had more spotlight and can only hope it gets more love. It’s honestly a hidden gem in the horror genre. There’s going to be a lot of discussion about the first game’s main story and DLC, the sequel and some other details so if you want to check out the games yourself, warning that there will be SPOILERS below.

Going in to Death Mark (死印) completely blind, I didn’t know what to expect. I certainly didn’t expect to ship anything. At first glance it’s not really the setting for it, but horror and romance is a combination that should be explored more actually. And Yashiki and Mashita’s connection and chemistry just really shines in the game.

In the first chapter, the protagonist is a clean slate because of the amnesia but appears tender-hearted whereas when Mashita is first introduced, he’s cold and shady as hell, and despite the circumstances, he seems to be intrigued by Yashiki. Throughout the story it’s subtly shown that their bond is slightly different to the rest of the cast. They have more focus and development. While they may have their disagreements, they bounce off each other, have a deeper understanding and are even more relaxed around one another - although not at first. And Mashita’s disdainful, sardonic attitude, though caring more than he lets on is a perfect contrast to Yashiki’s kinder, empathetic nature. A detail I also noticed is that even their Marks are opposites. With the protagonist’s Mark on the back of their right wrist, while Mashita’s is on the underside of his left wrist. They mirror each other. Interesting. Meanwhile Mashita states he sensed his own Mark as soon as he saw Yashiki’s? I mean... I’ve heard that sort of line used as a set up for a lot of romances.

Later on, the dialogue options for scenes with Mashita and his reactions to any sort of affection or appreciation from Yashiki such as telling him he’s grateful for his help or that he’ll miss him when he leaves speak for themselves.

Leading into Chapter 2. Mashita is the first Mark Bearer to stay behind and willingly - even though his Mark had been cleared, unlike other characters. Of course his reasons are motivated by what Mary said and later revealed when appeasing Shimi-O. But there may have been another reason hinted. Mashita states before finally leaving that continuing to stick his neck out for Yashiki has grown too dangerous and apologizes, with the small detail that he clenches a shaking fist. Interpreting that, I think a tiny part of Mashita wanted to try and help the man as much as he was able, considering he was up against something way beyond them. Perhaps he saw an echo of his old mentor in Yashiki considering he is several years his senior, or he was just a little soft on the guy who desperately wanted to prevent any more victims of the curse as well as his own demise. At least a drink was on him if Yashiki lived through it. Also if you take Mashita along in the first investigation in this chapter, it gives a short but sweet moment of him catching Yashiki grinning next to him in the van.

After the events of the main story, it’s revealed that Mashita brings up the idea of Yashiki joining him as a partner as he becomes a private eye. It also won’t be the last time he brings it up. It’s interesting for someone like Mashita to try and persuade someone to work with him and to be a little persistent about it and the fact that it’s Yashiki specifically, makes you wonder. He obviously doesn’t mind his company.

The Red Riding Hood DLC holds one of their most memorable moments. As usual Mashita doesn’t act as brash and rude towards him like he does with the other Mark Bearers and the two have their back and forth interactions when they team up. Mashita protects Yashiki from a possessed Shou ambushing them and when he is forced to confront Red Riding Hood alone, about to plummet to his death.

We get this screen -

Very dramatic. Mashita being the one to save Yashiki like this and being the knight in shining trenchcoat aside, it’s more emphasis on them. It’s the game once again showing that their relationship is something just a little more than the others. Eventually the case comes to a close with the two returning to the mansion, talking about Hyakki Yagyō (Monster’s Parade) - A big implication of them working together again, Mashita giving Yashiki some advice from understanding his mindset and once again saying he could do some good with solving such cases. By this point, it’s pretty transparent that Mashita has a soft spot for him and has his own concerns for his well-being. In addition, even the alternate Blue End CD Drama with Concept! Mashita refuses to give up on Yashiki when he becomes possessed.

The sequel, NG takes place five years following. Since it’s an all new cast and story, they are only briefly referenced. However it’s shown that they continue to work together, such as the two travelling with other members to Rabbit Island and another occasion where they took care of a spirit that killed Ban’s son. Also during the events of the game, Rose mentions that Yashiki is abroad on a business trip with a friend. It’s not confirmed whom he was travelling with but we know the high possibility of who it could be considering.

Overall, despite the small fandom, a large amount of fans also caught onto their subtext. It’s a popular - if not the most popular - pairing and receives a lot of attention in the form of fanarts / doujins / fanfictions / animatics. I have a feeling the creators have at least seen how well received the duo are. I personally haven’t seen that many ship dynamics like this with older, maturer characters particularly in horror and this one works so well, which is mostly why I find it so appealing. These two paired together would certainly be refreshing to see. 

All this bases a really special friendship, but it could also be something more underneath. Like any, it’s all up to the player’s interpretation but more than enough the focus is on what they easily could be. Even if the creators were to give Yashiki a completely different love interest, their relationship, these two tired men, for me makes for one of the best things to enjoy about Spirit Hunter.