#it's really easy for me to think that I'm still a bit too much of a newbie to make content that's all that good

[the-dao-of-the-zerg]

I think it's also worth reflecting on how problems can vary: I'm Autistic in a way that makes holding a job extremely difficult, but "make friends with other autistic people on the internet" is extremely easy. I live in a very trans-friendly, autistic-friendly environment, so dating isn't much harder (also, being polyamorous stacks some insanely OP bonuses there) I lucked out, too - I'm the sort of autistic that can work as a programmer. Programming pays very well, so even if I'm only employed 6 months out of the year, I can still pay rent. If I was not making programming money, I would be homeless.

Despite that, unless you know me well, I'm going to come across as a very high-functioning autistic! Because I'm not homeless, and I can pay rent, and I do have friends and loved ones. My struggles are absolutely invisible unless I explicitly bring them up. Even people who know me fairly well struggle to internalize the idea that I might actually have functional difficulties - they just see the fact that I can pay rent, not the bit where I'm unemployed 50% of the time and desperately scrambling to line up a new job.

This also plays to the finances: I make Programmer Money. But, I only make that when I'm employed. And I talk about being a programmer, but I'm a lot less likely to talk about being unemployed for long periods. It's very easy to think of me as having a lot more wealth than I really do have. (I've been in much worse financial positions and I know what that's like, too - I'm hardly claiming I'm anywhere near the bottom.)

There's a well-known thing where basically everybody experiences their finances as being tight regardless of what their income actually is, which sometimes leads to awkwardness when someone who earns three times more than you is complaining about not being able to afford stuff and it's like man what are you talking about. (There was a post going around some time ago about how this kind of thing arises from the fact that when people move upwards in terms of income they tend to put the extra money into bills-level QoL upgrades like a better home and end up with not actually that much more "spending" money than before, which seems pretty plausible but whatever it's not really relevant to the rest of this post.)

Anyway this phenomenon is pretty blatant when it's about income, which is literally a number that can be directly compared from one person to another, but there's other stuff that gives me the exact same feeling, and a big one is--by the way the rest of this paragraph is going to have very offputting whiny bitch vibes--a big one for me is often reading people talking about their mental health struggles. It happens sometimes that I'm reading something about executive dysfunction that feels very relatable and true to my experience until it becomes apparent that the speaker has somehow acquired a postgraduate degree and some useful employable skills and various energy-intensive hobbies and creative outlets; also anytime someone talking about anything autism or social anxiety-adjacent seems to nonetheless have a rich store of love and friendship in their life; I can't help but feel like, man, I don't know. I dunno if we're talking about the same thing here. I don't doubt that they're expressing a real struggle in their life, but...

This is an unhealthy impulse in me to some extent, definitely. I have a history of placing too much emphasis on wanting to relate to others via facing similar struggles and flaws, rather than via more positive things that might actually constitute fruitful common ground. There's been times when I've allowed myself to imagine a person was crazy in similar ways to me and then been disappointed when they're actually relatively stable and happy. I'm better about this stuff now than I used to be, up to a point.

But also I think the "people way richer than you feel poor" thing just has its equivalent in every domain, right. There's only a finite number of different shapes human problems can have, there's only so many complaints to choose from. Those few complaints have to cover all possible unhappiness. We're going to step on each other's toes.

[omgfangirlland]

Random but imagine neglected reader or batsis has a pet frog or snake.. Maybe even the weirdest creature in her room. Reader was so neglected that she decided to adopt or take care of any animals she sees.. Just imagine the look on the batfamily once they see her petting or a xenomorph cuddling up to her like a puppy. (I have another alien in mind but I can't remember the name.. It's kinda pink and its head opens like a flower?) Reader is basically just collecting aliens and weird creatures like it was a mundane activity.

(Sorry if this is a bit of a mess.. I'm writing this at 3am with one eye open)

-🔱

NOT RANDOM AT ALL HELLO- I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!

I dropped everything because all I can think of is an elder Yautja seeing this young hooman ordering a xenomorph and his own lost bloodhound around and just being like-

"Does this mean this little hooman has won the hunt/been bloodied???" Which it doesn't- but the sheer craziness of seeing a Xenomorph listening to a human made the Yautja pause for a second.

also the flower alien- is it the demogorgon from stranger things? Because I'm giving you a demodog and making it stay a dog-ish species (at least for now, idk where the story may take me)

Xenomorphs could definitely be tamed by someone with powers like Ivy, aka pheromones, and the likes, BUT it's so much funnier to think that bugs/lizards/aliens/monsters/demons/etc just see Batsis and immediately think safe/mother/friend- and I'll leave if that's a power to y'all but I'm a normie!Reader dick rider with this one.

P.S. CHANGED MY MIND HALFWAY THROUGH, BATSIS IS OLDER AND GETS AN ELDER YAUTJA LOVER, FUCK YOU BRUCE (I'm also stealling the hellhounds from the Super Predators, thank you~)

You weren't athletically inclined, nor were you smart like Tim or Barbara, or your other siblings, or your dad. But that didn't mean you deserved to be ignored and brushed to the side like this- and it took you a while to come to terms with that.

But once you did, it was freeing. You accepted whatever they gave you and were satisfied with it. The monthly allowance was half put away for "dark days" and the rest was spent mostly on useless shit- it just was too much to spend on neceseties- or put to the side in the "spare change" section.

Dick questioning you about where xyz is? "I don't know." And you don't even register him sighing and leaving anymore. Damian is arguing with Tim while Jason pours gasoline on the fire by trying to pull you into this? "Yeah- sure- go Brooklyn Robins or whatever."

And since Duke officially moved in with his uncle, you've seen even less of the girls- or you started ignoring them like they used to do you. It didn't matter in the end, you've long ago found something else to give your love to, starting with a small lizard.

It was by pure coincidence, really. You've told Alfred to stop picking you up from school a long while ago, which the man tried to argue against, but eventually gave up. As fate would have it, it was the right choice in your eyes, especially since you found a little leopard gecko thrown away in a little hamster enclosure.

Poor thing had dysecdysis, and you couldn't just leave it to suffer, almost blind and with circulation cut off from the incomplete shedding of its skin. You did everything you could to make it easy for the little thing- took her to a vet, bought her the biggest enclosure you could fit and filled it with all necessities and beyond, fed her the healthy diet she needed, and soaked her as much as she needed. She's old now, but still kicking her little limbs around. Athena is what you called her.

You were eleven then, and barely a month passed before you found the oddest little thing failing to fight a chicken. You couldn't even describe it- a skeletal quadruped with an elongated head that went backwards and a tail longer than its body and a sharp end- how was it even holding it's head up, you weren't sure. But you did find out that, after feeding it for two hours straight every meat the family had in the freezers, it reached its maturity and stayed roughly the size of 114 cm. Fluffs seemed a fitting name.

(MK-19 on Artstation)

Between Fluffs and what new oddity you found, you've raised chickens, an old cat, the vet you've been visiting for years gave you 2 snakes, a corn and a sand snake, taken care of two mangy dogs, and found them new loving homes- which made Fluffs quite sad to have his friends gone.

But it didn't take long for a new, permanent friend to appear- well... evolve. See, you thought you found a very deformed frog at first, but after five days of feeding it a regular diet, it evolved like Fluffy did. Its tail gone, and limbs longer, it looked silly even as he stood at 80 cm tall. You've named him Goober.

(Ellen Humbler for this article and her instagram)

You weren't sure how your family didn't find out about them, they weren't quiet at all- but maybe they just didn't care as long as you specifically didn't get in the way of Batman and his helpers. You couldn't complain, not when Fluffs and Goober got along so nicely, cuddling each other and sleeping as close to you as they could.

When Damian came, you couldn't risk it anymore, so you bought the empty land across the manor, deep in the forest, and moved, only visiting the manor to raid for Alfred's food. (and steal the meat because you were too lazy to go buy it since nobody wants to deliver to your new address)

It... it was surprisingly nice to be away from them. You didn't need to walk on eggshells anymore, no need to hide or deliberately quiet yourself just to make sure nobody yells at you for making "too much noise". You've never been as happy or relaxed.

There was no place to fall asleep watching the stars outside at the manor, but once you had this piece of land- that's exactly what you created, a little nook made of glass and filled with pillows and fluffy blankets.

You don't remember closing the door- you don't unless it's raining, honestly- but you're sure Fluffs and Goober went to terrorize their bowls of food as soon as you closed your eyes. They couldn't have come back so soon. And they sure as hell didn't have horns. Ugly thing he was, but you couldn't help cooing at it as it whimpered, nudging your hip while showing you his wounded paw.

(Screenshot from the movie Predators 2010)

It didn't agree with any name you threw out, and after a while, you gave up, nicknaming it Predator- he still seemed pouty about it- but accepted it better than the other names.

His actual owner found his loyal companion in quite the predicament- sitting on your lap, all 130 cm and 140 kg of it, while you rubbed his belly and kissed his forehead. And as the Yautja's eyes moved from the unbothered dog xenomorph and demodog at your feet, to his hellhound, to you and back, a million thoughts running through his mind, you could only stare at the well over 2-meter-tall alien as his mandibles clicked.

Predator immediately perked up as he recognized his master, but he didn't move. He actually got even cozier in your arms. His master needed a good mate, and he found the best one.

(I was actually thinking of specifically Ahab while thinking about the x reader thing- but OC Yautjas are a thing, and I sure as hell didn't give specifics 💁‍♀️)

[jacklingtons]

okay I'm going to be very real about the choice we saw in that episode.

I think it has potential? I think billie has potential, and I even think her as 16 could be good - like when 12 regenerated and spent so much time freaking out asking himself why he has that face!! why he knows it!! what it all means!! going from 15 who spent so much time working with emotions and telling people he loved them because he always failed before to the first face he failed to say it to is a good set up and I think it could end up really cool.

my problem is, I don't think they can do it. with all due love, these seasons sucked. there were highs every now and again but overall the story was messy and not well executed. they tried to have a fresh start but then kept pulling old concepts and comebacks from the original series which even a lot of huge fans nowadays haven't seen, much less anyone outside the fandom. they set up this big plot with all these branches and ideas and they all just ended in the sand. susan was never mentioned, lover boy is still in super hell, ruby was different but it didn't matter in the end, belinda was going to be amazing and just got reduced to nothing and mother. the rani was so important and then just? dead? didn't even defend herself? omega was the big big bad and got shot and ran. what about all the fourth wall breaks? mrs flood talking like a viewer? none of it went anywhere!! the whole plot was a mess.

15 had all these moments of being too raw, too aggressive, choosing weapons - and they did nothing with that!! it got sidelined two seconds after the moment was over when this is an usual and dangerous side of the doctor we don't get to see often. exploring his emotions could've lead to so much more than just tears and love, but they let it all go. the whole seasons felt like they were trying to find the old mix of emotional, serious and silly and they just couldn't find their footing. the themes themselves weren't the problem (as some people were complaining, imo it wasn't too silly or too weird) but the mix and match of them didn't fit, it felt out of place and unorganized.

ncuti was amazing, fresh and fun and good. ruby is a great character but they kept throwing her around in weird places - first she's a mystery, then she's completely normal, then she's somehow different and knows things, then it all doesn't matter again. belinda was (imo a bit reheated with the whole 'independant strong woman who gives the doctor shit' shtick but still) an amazing character and it was so easy to fall in love with her immediately. she was charming and entertaining and her and 15 worked great together!! but it felt like there was a story there, with her relative in the future and all these big important things happening to and around her - and where did that go? nowhere. for the last two episodes she's just been "hold baby be confused". and then they just wanda'd her. "oh I'm going to kill you all because my baby who isn't real is going to be not real again" when that was never her type of character before (not to mention my opinion on actually implying 15 and belinda had a child together) (NOT TO MENTION only doing that to hurt the doctor by ripping it all away again). and then her entire life gets rewritten to be a happy pappy mother. only to leave her in tears because she knows somehow that she's forgotten something because this was never her or her life. she was excited to see the stars and that all got taken away. what was the point of any of it?

I'm just disappointed. the well really had me thinking we were so back but then everything just fell apart. ncuti deserved a good, fleshed out season, not 16 episodes where he spends half the time off screen. I'll miss him.

still, I think billie is an interesting take, even though we are just on the edge of too many callbacks.

I just hope they don't fuck it all up.

[shallyne]

Sparks Fly

Coffee shop AU! Well, it definitely plays in a coffee shop. ALL 961 WORDS OF IT. Anyways, have fun.

Tagging @separatist-apologist bc she's amazing and this is for and and it's bad BUT I'VE WRITTEN SOMETHING AGAIN FINALLY YAY

“You're not even happy that Taylor owns all her masters now.” said Ressina with a frown as Feyre cleaned the tables of the Café. When they had heard the news, they instantly put the music on speakers which was now playing in the background. 

“Of course I am!” she said in her defense, which wasn't a lie. She was over the moon but it couldn't drown the waves of dread that washed over her as a very specific, raven-haired and blue-eyed regular still hadn't been there to get his vanilla latte with a cinnamon roll. Of course it was a possibility that he just had a full day and no time to stop by but the feeling didn't go away, especially as she remembered that he had been there every day for the past 3 months, coming in every morning at 8, getting the same order, and staying much longer than his schedule would let him just to talk to her. It had been a routine she thoroughly enjoyed and which her co-workers had teased her with endlessly. It was 2:49PM now and he still hadn't been there. 

Feyre turned around, looking at Ressina, “I'll celebrate when I'm home.”

“He'll come tomorrow. “ Alis said, the usual teasing glint in her eyes now replaced by something that she could only interpret as worry.

Sighing, Feyre threw the cloth over her shoulder as she took an empty mug and a couple of plates and brought it to the dishwasher, almost slipping on a wet spot, “I know,” she said, trying not to show any of her disappointment, “He's just a customer, okay? Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” both of her co-workers asked. 

“Like I'll break apart at any inconvenience!” she huffed.

Of course they reason to believe she would since she did break apart after her relationship with Tamlin. But in that time she had grown, had prioritized herself and took the time to heal.  She had actually been happy and flirting with a handsome stranger was a nice change. The only things she really knew about him was that his name was Rhys and his order. 

“We don't think that!” protested Ressina. “We just don't want you to-” she stuttered and before Feyre could take a look at her, she was pulling at her hair. 

“What are you doing?” Feyre yelled over Ressinas squeaking. 

“He's here! “ she tried to whisper but Feyre was sure everyone could hear. Ressina turned her around and pushed her to the counter where Rhys really was approaching. 

“Hey handsome!” she smiled and was met with a heartbreakingly beautiful smile of his own.  “Hello darling.”

Pretty sure she was blushing, she was cursing her body for betraying her. Yes, she thought he was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen and pretty sure, he knew it too but she didn't want to make it easy for him. 

“The regu…lar?” she turned her head as she saw something smeared on his neck, something red. When he tried to fix his collar to hide it, she saw the bandage on his arm. “Are you hurt?”

It was automatic that she was walking around the counter to inspect him. It was a matter of seconds before she stood before him and was embraced by his perfume. He smelled like the sea, mixed with something citrus-y but she didn't pay much attention to it. 

Rhys laughed, “I'm fine, just a little accident at work. What's more important is that you called me handsome. Can you do it again?”

She glanced up to meet his gaze and squinted her eyes. “You're full of shit.” she said just as she pulled the sleeves of his shirt up, revealing a throng of bruises. “That happened at work? Are you an MMA fighter? Who did this?” She brushed her finger over his neck, Rhys shivered at her touch, and looked at the bit of blood she swiped off. So it was fresh, whatever happened couldn't have been long ago. 

“You're taking such good care of me, Feyre darling, but it really isn't anything big. A little accident, it was my fault, I'll be fine.” he smirked, “Now call me handsome again?”

“I'll call you handsome if you tell me who did this!” she put her hands on her hips and glared. Rhys sighed, rubbing his eyes and immediately wincing at that movement. “Your shoulder is injured, isn't it?”

“A little,” he admitted. 

Feyre huffed, grabbed his hand and pulled him, as softly as you could pull someone, towards the back. It was shortly after noon, they had a little time before the Café would fill up again. 

“Listen, I'm really fine-” he started as they entered the room. 

Feyre pushed him on the chair, “No, you listen.” she saw that Rhys was taken aback by her brazenness but he arched an eyebrow, signaling her he's listening. “I'm gonna take care of your wounds, then I'll make your latte and get you a cinnamon roll and if you are a good boy you can get my number and maybe I'll  call you handsome again. If you're nice.”

“You're driving a hard bargain, darling. If I agree, you can't ask any more questions, alright?”

“Today or at all?”

“At all.”

 Feyre huffed “Can't do that.” 

“Fine,” he smirked, “you can ask me more questions over text. Deal?”

Now it was Feyre's time to arch her eyebrows. “Making sure that I keep my end of the bargain? Alright, it's a deal. Now take off your shirt.”

Rhys huffed, humor dancing in his eyes, “How about hello, how are you?”

“I said hello.” she corrected him, “and you can be happy if I don't kick your ass for being so stupid.”

“I'd like to see that.”

[sysig]

Growing closer than expected (Patreon)

[ox1-lovesick]

hi

[guinevereslancelot]

i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

[rashi-en]

hello! just wanted to stop by and ask how that omo week is treating you. the individual days seem doable but all 7 in a row seems like a real enduranc

It's honestly been mostly inconvenient, haha. Drawing out everything for the comic I wanna do takes a while, and I've been mostly regressing back into old dehydration methods, drinking not even half what I did on Monday (since Tues had personal stuff as stated, and I just had to send my car in for work today meaning I had exactly 1 public bathroom chance at 3 pm n can't go anywhere else for the rest of the day). As a result my bladder has kinda just been perpetually at a slightly achey 4 or 5, noticeable but manageable. Also I know things are just going to get worse so I've been takin it a bit easy (Thurs n Fri are gonna be a challenge lmao). On the plus side I've already learned more about my limits n abilities, just little things I probably wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't on a 24/7 challenge like this, and I might look into those a bit more :3

I will say that even though I've cut the occasional corner, I'm still going strong, and I'll be posting Monday's comic a bit later I think! It's been the most interesting day so far, hehe!

[tvrningout-a]

i'm grabbing y'all by the face and telling y'all that the alternate version of jorogumo is gonna be chiyo's mom and it's gonna be angsty as heck bc chiyo never got to know her mom and her mom never got to know her and : ))))) it's a very weird and uncomfy situation when they meet before it's actually kinda healing. but first i gotta brainstorm and develop her momma a lil more and find a fc... if anyone has suggestions, i'll take 'em uvu

[adore-gregor]

my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Danny the Guy Who Won't Die

He lives in Gotham, and he is just A Guy. Nothing weird about him, he's just there to study/work/help Lady Gotham to lift her curse/on vacation with Sam. Point is, he is not there to cause trouble and there's no GIW on his tail. Just a dude living his (after)life.

And Gotham, being Gotham, still finds a way to be annoying. There are mugging attempts, robbery, Rogues running around. Only Danny really doesn't want to deal with any of it.

Now there's a dilemma. If he uses his powers to fight, it will sooner or later come to Bats' attention. And if he fights as a human, it will also alert some of the Bats since he doesn't really do a great job at keeping his power levels low. Not to mention the fact he is really not enthusiastic about accidentally punching someone hard enough he sends them to a hospital.

What does he do instead? He pulls the 'I guess I'll die' act.

So every time he is attacked, he just plays dead. The mugger shot him in the chest? He falls down and stops breathing. Caught up in the middle of a Poison Ivy attack? Skewers himself on the vine and goes lax. Scarecrow's Fear Gas? Very dramatically chokes himself and plays a corpse. He makes sure to disappear before any ambulances arrive later, and it all goes well for a few months - he is just a casualty, who cares, really - until one day, he runs into that same mugger who shot him in the chest a while ago.

The man does a double take. Danny doesn't notice - he's been mugged so many times, who has the brain capacity to remember all of those fuckers. But the rumor goes out anyway.

A guy-who-won't-die. It's more of a city legend, really, and the Bats don't give it much thought since, well, it sounds stupid and not very important. A rumor of some man who was shot dead and then showed up like nothing happened? Yeah, it's probably because the mugger didn't check if he was actually dead. That happens. Maybe it wasn't even the same man, Gotham is a big city. If anything, hey, at least that was one less casualty? That's a good thing.

That is, until one day, they show up to Joker's hostage situation and witness the clown screaming at one of the hostages. He is so enraged he is shaking, spit flying out of his mouth, and, contrary to the usual Joker's evil sneers and maniacal laughter, he seems just... furious. But, like, the normal-human-level furious. The 'I just lost the last ounce of patience with you' furious.

"Don't you look away from me, you think I don't remember you?! Na-ah, I do. You were the one I drowned in the shark tank last week! And you were the one run through the chainsaw trap two weeks before that! And you were in the guillotine!!! I saw your fucking head get deattached from your body, how the fuck are you here again?!"

And the guy he is screaming at just looks at him, confused and incomprehensive.

"Um, I'm pretty sure I'd remember getting my head cut off, you know? So, err, wrong guy."

"Wrong guy my fucking ass-"

Joker is so distracted by his screaming match that it makes it almost too easy for the Bats to fight him down and drag to Arkham. Yet, a few of them get just a bit suspicious.

Now, imagine all the shenanigans when they try keeping a watch on Danny the Won't Die Guy.

[reality-shitting]

General realizations ab shifting that helped me

The void is not a realm or a place- it is YOU. You ARE the Void. The Void is solely the awareness of being, fully.

You are not ONE being. Think of the consciousness in you as being interconnected with all other infinite versions of you. These interconnections converge into your full consciousness, the true YOU. It's almost Eldritch to think about.

Something I'm just now thinking of, perhaps this means the subconscious is all other versions of you- you're separated and cut off from experiencing the entirety of being, but that entirety is still there, guiding you from behind the scenes.

No matter what the assumption, "I am" is true. I am kind, as my actions and thoughts show, but I'm also cruel and cold-hearted, as may be the perception of another. I think I'm funny, but someone else may think I'm cheesy- therefore, I am both. And this also goes for the personas of myself in other realities. I am everything. Simultaneously, this also means I am Nothing. I simply am.

To add to the points above, I believe this "Eldritch" conglomerate is what we call the Void state, and would explain why every manifestation happens instantly once we reach this state. Think of it like accessing the files in an infinite data base- all you need to do is find the files you're looking for and download them.

As much as people will try to stress things like "you need to let go" or realizing that shifting is easy, you won't truly be able to understand what they're saying until you experience it.

All things exist at once and every inconceivably small action creates a new reality. As small as "this single cell from 7000 years ago died .000000001 seconds prematurely", and smaller.

Shifting IS easy- in the same way that gleeking or stretching is easy. Some people are able to do it on command or go further than others with no training whatsoever. Others may do it accidentally and sporadically. This does not mean the latter are unable to do these things at will, but they simply need a bit of help learning to do it on command.

Question stressing you out? "But what about this plot hole?", "How does XYZ work??", "What will happen back in my OR???"- STOP. No need to stress yourself over that, this by itself I feel cost me years on my journey. Everything will work out. It doesn't matter how, but it will, and it will either even itself out or be in your favor. Don't even think about those things. Relax.

Another one that held me back MASSIVELY. Struggling to visualize your DR? "I know it has THIS SPECIFIC TABLE in this SPECIFIC place and everything has to be perfect"! No. Your visualization does Not need to be perfect. Nor does it have to be "accurate", really. Once you just let your mind wander and let your subconscious make up it's own layout, it'll help you slip in much more easily. I put so much pressure on myself to make sure I was visualizing my specific reality, and it became so much easier when I just trusted myself to build it up from my subconscious instead of "forcing" a look

They say once it's in the 4D (imagination), it's already real. That's why you're encouraged to embody, think, act, feel as your DR self. Like playing pretend as a kid, you'll be so focused on your imagination, you don't even realize you're in your OR. If you don't shift through that alone, it certainly helps make you feel far more connected. This is also why I came up with the Furina method (although I suppose it's debatable if I really "came up" with it)

Methods/Advice are like pants. Some are too itchy, some are too tight, some you like the feel of but there's just some small flaw. When you find what you were missing, what you needed to hear, it'll be a perfect fit.

[nereidprinc3ss]

pretty little things

in which you can't keep hiding your stuffed animals from your boyfriend. spencer would like a formal introduction.

fluff! warnings/tags: gn!reader I think, newish established relationship, they're so cute, reader is still kinda shy around him, I'm really obsessed with this dynamic actually, implied intimacy if you decide to interpret it that way, kissing/maybe mildly suggestive a/n: this is dedicated to my friends @parfaitblogs and @gublersg1rl bc in another universe we are actually just three jellycat plushies on someone's bed which is where the inspo for this little thing came from. and thank u willow for naming your fox. ok bye love u hope u enjoy !! :D

The first time you’d shown Spencer your room, and the handful of times he’s been in it since, you very intentionally hid your stuffed animals underneath the bed. After all, you’re an adult. You have a grown up job. And you don’t need him thinking you’re some kind of freak this early into the relationship. You like him too much. 

Today, however—you didn’t have any warning. He comes over unannounced, which is all well and good, until you bring him to your bedroom so he can sit on the bed while you change from work clothes into something comfier for movie night. As soon as you open the bedroom door, you see them, lined up neatly by your pillow, and you know it’s too late. 

“Uh…”

Spencer runs into your back and takes it as an excuse to settle his hands on your hips as he peers over your shoulder. 

“What?”

You slip out of his easy hold and skitter to your bed, practically throwing yourself on the mattress and sitting unnaturally as the little beaded eyes of your friends dig into your back. Even your brightest smile doesn’t distract Spencer. He’s like a bloodhound for the truth. At least, that’s the sense you’re beginning to get. 

“What are you doing?” He tries again, eyes narrowed and closing the door carefully behind him. 

“Nothing!”

The urgency with which you say it has his eyebrows raising. Obviously delighted by the embarrassing secret he’s sure to uncover, he approaches. You lean back further even as he towers over you until you’re almost on your back and he’s folded over you, menacingly (and dizzyingly) close. This sort of position is still new-ish and has your heart pounding, even if it’s entirely playful and ostensibly innocent. 

“Nothing? Are you sure?”

You nod, still shying away from him into the pile of pillows. Without looking he reaches under you and pulls out your pink bunny. You squeak and hide your face. 

“What is this?” He laughs, and you yank it away, sitting up so he’s forced to give you some breathing room. The bunny is cradled protectively in your arms, though you try to hold it a bit more casually when you notice. 

“I said it’s nothing.”

“What about the other two behind you? The fox and the… what is that? A deer?”

“No—”

“I didn’t even know they made deer stuffed animals—”

“Spencer, stop!”

He does, at the desperate tone of voice and the way you’re still hiding from him. 

“No, no! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you. Don’t be embarrassed. I’m sorry.”

As usual he’s over apologetic, now sitting knee to knee with you on the mattress and leaning down to try and catch your eye. You huff and grant him some eye contact just so he doesn’t go over the edge with worry. 

“But it’s embarrassing.”

“No, it’s really not,” he laughs. “It’s cute. I can’t believe you’ve been—what, hiding them from me? This whole time? That’s like not telling me you have kids.”

“It is not like that.”

“Hm. I don’t know, I think you should probably introduce me.”

You give him a look, letting your head fall to your shoulder. “Spencer.”

“I’m serious. I’m going to be apart of their lives now. You can’t keep shoving them under the bed every time I stay the night.”

This nerd is going to be the death of you. 

Eventually, you groan reluctantly. 

“Fine. Okay, um—this one is… well—her name is Bunny. It’s not… very creative, but it’s—that’s just her name, okay?”

Spencer doesn’t react to your unjustified defensiveness—only grabs your bunny’s round little pink paw and shakes. “Enchanted.”

“Shut up.” Your face is so hot as you bury your smile and set Bunny aside, making sure she’s comfortable against the pillow before bringing out your deer. Spencer doesn’t have the shit-eating grin you were partially expecting when you glance up at him from beneath your lashes—he’s smiling, but it’s so soft. A little twisted, like he’s holding back the full extent of it for your sake. But you wouldn’t mind it at full power. It’s like he’s hiding the sun in a saucepan and the lid’s not on quite right. And he’s looking right at you. Like you’re the source of all his joy. 

A moment passes. You clear your throat and look back down. “Um—this is Bambi. ’Cause—you know.”

“I do,” Spencer agrees genially, nodding as if this were a normal conversation. “Kind of a dark thing to name your deer, though.”

“You’re judging,” you accuse balefully. He chuckles and his hand finds your knee, rubbing apologetically. 

“I’m not, I’m not! I take it back. I retract it. Continue, please.”

For a moment you only pout, but it doesn’t deter him—he simply looks at you expectantly, and now those syrupy eyes come with the added bonus of his hand on your leg. Fine. He wins. But not without a deep, tortured sigh from you while you’re grabbing your fox that makes the corner of his mouth twitch up. 

“This one is…”

The name dies on your tongue, too ridiculous to be said out loud. 

“Tell me,” Spencer pleads in that gentle voice and with those big eyes that you’d consider burning him at the stake for because that look on his face has to be witchcraft. 

“Okay but you can’t laugh,” you insist in one quick breath, giving him a serious look that he can only partially reciprocate. 

“No laughing.”

“It’s… Mr. Cuddles.”Spencer bites the inside of his cheek to keep his promise. You melt inside both from embarrassment and from the way it only further defines an already superbly sculpted bone structure. “Do not.”

Spencer scoffs at your warning. “Don’t what? I’m behaving.”

“Don’t make fun of Mr. Cuddles!”

“Does it look like I’m making fun of him?”

“Her.”

“What?”

“Her. Mr. Cuddles is a girl.”

“I see… can you explain that to me?”

“If a human person said I am a girl and I would like you to call me Mister, would you question that? Would you ask them to explain it to you?”

“I guess not.”

“Exactly. Don’t be rude.”The way Spencer is looking at you now, eyes so clear and still so full of affection, like you’ve got some sort of heavenly spotlight trained on you, lips parted as if to say something but still silent, has you forgetting your momentary confidence. You shrink. “What?”

“I just… you’re amazing.” You throw Mr. Cuddles at his chest and fall into your pile of pillows with a groan. Spencer only continues rubbing your leg. It’s very nice, actually. He’s gentle. And patient. “You don’t believe me?”

“I don’t believe you came to this conclusion just because I introduced you to my stuffed animals.”

“Not solely because of that. There are a lot of contributing factors. I mean, the stuffed animal thing helped.”

“It’s embarrassing,” you insist for the umpteenth time. 

“It’s adorable.”

Spencer pushes pillows aside and lies next to you so you’re eye to eye. It’s nice how his presence isn’t exhausting the way people sometimes are. He’s easy to exist with. He makes you enjoy existing a little more than usual. Even now. 

You raise your eyebrows and speak, cheek squished against fabric. “I’m a serious adult.”

“I know you are,” he assures with a solemn nod. 

Your eyes narrow ever so slightly. 

“Okay… well… don’t go forgetting that. I’m fun but I can also be not fun.”

“I’d love to see that.”

“No you wouldn’t. You would hate it. You’d be so scared.”

Spencer gives up on holding back a smile and moves his hand to tuck hair behind your ear. 

“You’re right. I’m already terrified. The anticipation… it’s killing me, you know?”

You’re giggling as you roll over on top of him and he roots his hand in your hair, pulling you in for a long, smiley kiss like he knew it was coming. Only when he blindly throws your stuffed friends from the bed do you pull away—just by an inch or so. 

“No respect,” you scold playfully. He kisses you again, tangling your legs and hands wandering. 

“Can I apologize later?”

You’re good with that. 

[aperrywilliams]

That Wasn't Fake (Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader)

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Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader.

Request: Can you write a Spencer fic where the reader is kind of quiet and shy when she begins working at the BAU, and Spencer has a crush on her, and then they have a case, and she has to like to seduce the unsub lowkey and everyone kind of like...how is she going to do this shes not very outgoing but when she does shes really good at it, and everyone is surprised and impressed.

Summary:  You're shy and reserved. Spencer has a crush on you, and unbeknown to him, you have a crush on him. Maybe the cat can get out of the bag when you have to step aside of your comfort zone to catch an elusive unsub.

Word Count: 4.2k (no self control here)

Warnings: Words like 'fuck' and 'bitch'. A rant about self-doubt. Typical CM stuff: unsubs, killings, etc.

A/N: Another request I loved! It should have been a little shorter, but I'm having a hard time getting to the point these days. Please keep sending requests!

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Spencer knows it is inappropriate, but he can't help it. You're coworkers, and that itself sets a boundary, so he shouldn't be thinking of trespassing.

But the crush he has on you seems to grow every day.

He doesn't know if it is your beautiful smile, the kindness you show in everything you do, or the enthusiasm you put into every task you are committed to. Since the moment he saw you pass the bullpen glass doors, Spencer knew he was damned.

From that moment, Spencer knew he wanted to know you and learn everything about you. About what you liked, what you hated, and what your fears and dreams were. Everything.

But not much after that revelation in his mind, he understood it wasn't going to be easy to get to you.

You were extremely shy and reserved.

In fact, your first interaction - when Emily introduced you both - consisted of a wave of your hand and a timid 'nice to meet you.'

He thought as time went by, you would loosen and become less bashful and quiet. And in part, he was right. As the months passed, you began to feel more comfortable within the team. You laughed at Luke's jokes, you commented on Rossi's stories, and you could even - when the stars aligned - crack a joke yourself to Tara or Matt.

But beyond that, no one knew much about your life outside of the BAU, unlike JJ, who always talks about her kids and her husband, or Matt, who talks about his kids, too. Or Tara, who recounts her failed dates. Or the same Luke who always shows photos of Roxy.

You, on the other hand, seemed to be an enigma. But Spencer Reid loved decoding enigmas.

At first, he turned his interest in you out of mere scientific curiosity. However, internally, he knew it wasn't just that.

It started with small random questions about the times you worked together: Is this coffee okay? What was the last book you read? Do you think we should buy some donuts for the team?

If you were honest, it picked your interest why, from all people, Dr. Spencer Reid was so adamant in making conversation with you.

From what you knew and from what the team said, Spencer was not a person very interested in things other than work or books. But suddenly, out of nowhere, he asked you what the last movie you saw was or something like that.

You always answered his questions; however, you would have liked to be much more talkative and engage in longer conversations, but your nature stopped you.

'What if I don't have anything more interesting for him to say?'

'Does he just talk to me because he feels sorry for me?'

And that was the big issue: you have never had problems with the way you live your life. You're pretty satisfied with what you do in your job and out of it, too. But you have always thought you are too 'simple' to entertain people's interest.

And to be honest, being surrounded by people with so much experience and big things happening in their lives still intimidates you a bit. So, you usually refrain from talking too much about yourself or anything for that matter.

But with Spencer, things are a bit different. He's always checking on you but respects your boundaries. He has learned that sometimes you just don't want to talk, and he doesn't push.

Despite his interest beyond the professional, Spencer would never do anything to make you uncomfortable. Being able to share time with you will have to be enough for him.

In a way, he has become your protector. He is your backup during interrogations or in situations where you can feel awkward, like the times when some police officers tried to flirt with you and got too close. Sure, you know how to turn them down, but sometimes guys don't get the memo and keep pushing. You're too shy to yell or be aggressive about it.

The team also understands the way you are, and they know it does not make you any less professional. However, they have always been careful not to take you too much out of your comfort zone.

---------------

A whole two weeks and five murders later, the team is stuck trying to catch an unsub who has preferences for killing women after club nights. The profile says he is not interested in just any woman but in those between 25-30 years old who like to flirt with several men in the clubs. But it is not just any type of flirting; it is the type that is initiated and dominated by them. In short, he likes to kill women who are the opposite of submissive. He sees them as predators on a hunting ground.

Another finding in victimology is that the women he kills, in addition to having a specific age range, have very similar physical characteristics. And similar to you.

All his victims have your build, eye color, hair color, and height. It gets to be creepy to a certain point. And it's something difficult to ignore.

Bouncing information and possible strategies, the team agrees they need to be proactive to get him to show up before another killing happens.

"Okay, what options do we have?" Emily asks.

"The witnesses haven't gotten us anywhere," Luke complains.

"Although we've narrowed down his hunting grounds," Rossi shrugs.

"Yeah, we know the clubs where he likes to hunt," JJ backs Rossi.

"But although the profile, we have yet to learn about what to look for there. I mean, we know what the unsub wants, but not how he looks like." This time, it's Tara who speaks.

You've rarely seen Emily bite her tongue when she wants to say something, but it's clear that she has something on her mind, and she doesn't know how to put it, or maybe the problem is something else. You look at her out of the corner of your eye, and she looks back at you; what do those eyes say? They look like they're even apologetic.

It's a fraction of the time before she comes back to behave like herself.

"We need to lurk him. It's the only way," she says. And everyone's eyes - yours included - are on her immediately.

"Lurk him?" Matt repeats.

"Yes. And all we know who should be the one going undercover to do that," Emily adds, looking at you this time.

That's it—the elephant in the room.

Of course, you're the ideal candidate. Well, you're perfect in the physical aspect because if we talk about the victim's personality and yours...

There's silence in the room, and you can feel like the team's eyes are all on you.

Do they expect you to say no? To refuse? From your perspective, it's not a question; it's more like the option you all have to catch the guy.

"It's true (Y/N) would be the closest to the unsub type, but there are a lot of things to take into account," Matt says. And you know perfectly well what's behind his words, even if he doesn't say it directly.

And that's okay; it's perfectly plausible they have their doubts. It is not enough to look like the victims for the operation to work.

But if there is one thing you are sure of, it's that you will always give your all to your job, even if that means becoming a completely different person.

"I can do it," you mumbled so quietly that if the AC weren't in the lower setting, people wouldn't have heard you.

"But (Y/N), you know about this guy. It's dangerous," Matt points, a frown on his face.

"Not to mention he likes rough interactions," Luke adds.

"You don't have to do it if you feel uncomfortable." This time, it is JJ who voices her opinion. And you know, that's the closest reason to the team's main concern.

And the fact you can blow up the entire plan.

Spencer stays in silence. Internally he's freaking out thinking of you having to lurk on the unsub, but he knows you are a professional. And he feels a kind of deja vu.

When he was younger, the team would have said the same about him doing something like that. Spencer knows what it's like when people baby you, making you feel insecure. Sure, he hasn't had to worry about that anymore. Spencer is almost forty, and no one would dare to tell him he can't do something. Not after all the things he has been through.

"JJ is right, Bella. You don't have to do it. We can think of another way," Rossi backs JJ.

That's when Spencer notices the slight frown on your face. It's invisible to everyone but him. He knows it's there.

You stay collected, even when everyone on the team has something to say about how bad the idea of you going undercover to lurk the unsub is.

Emily is who stops everyone's rant.

"Guys, hey. If (Y/N) is telling us she can do it, we're going to do it. Of course, we'll be there to back up her and catch this unsub."

And this is how the discussion is settled.

Emily sends everyone out with a task to prepare for the night. Today is Friday, and the unsub will surely be stalking some new victim. The chances are high.

When it's just you and Spencer in the room, he still looks at you in silence.

"Do you also think I'll not be able to pull off this mission and I'm going to ruin everything?"

You downcast your gaze, exhaling deeply.

"No. I don't think that," Spencer clarifies, and you raise your gaze to meet his eyes. "You are more than capable, (Y/N). The team is worried because you'll be out of your comfort zone in a dangerous situation."

"The team? Not you?" You narrow your eyes to him.

You try not to sound accusatory, but if you're as scared as everyone, you also are fed up with the other's doubts.

Spencer closes the distance between you both but doesn't invade your personal space.

"Of course, I'm worried too! I don't want anything bad to happen to you. But I trust you and your judgment."

Your heart does flip-flops, and you're not sure if it's because Spencer is worried or because, despite that, he trusts you—or both.

"You do?" You ask, not so convinced.

Spencer nods and smiles at you.

"And we'll be there when you catch the guy."

If that is the reassurance you need, you don't mention it. Instead, you grin at Spencer as a promise you'll do your job just how you are supposed to.

---------------

You insist on getting ready in your hotel room. The only assistant you ask for is Emily. She was the one who trusted you first in this, so you'll take every piece of advice she can give you before this night starts.

Everyone has a role in the plan.

Rossi will be the chauffeur who will drive you to the club.

Luke and Spencer would be in the club, mingling with the patrons. JJ, Matt, and Emily would be in the van monitoring the whole situation with cameras and earpieces. Rossi would keep his facade as a driver so he could be at one of the entrances. Tara would be at the club, too, eyeing nothing suspicious going on in the bar because there is a chance the unsub is getting help from the bartender.

When you are in front of the mirror applying the last touch of makeup, Emily is looking at you with a stare you can't decipher.

"What?" you ask, and Emily chuckles.

"Please, don't take this in a bad way, but I never thought I would live the day of seeing you using clothing like this. And Jesus, you look so hot!"

Your cheeks redens.

"It's a little bit odd coming from my boss, don't you think?" you muse, smoothing the fabric of your dress.

"Point taken," Emily raises her hands in defense. "Although I know someone who is going to run out of breath after seeing you."

You let out a scoff. It's not a surprise for you. The BAU girls - boss included - have been trying to set you up with Spencer since forever. You don't entertain the idea only because you don't think it's possible and not because you don't like the concept.

"Come on, don't say that. You are not helping to my nerves."

"Sorry, I'll shut up. We should go, though," Emily says, checking her watch.

One of the SUVs drives you to the van parking point. You needed to review the operation details.

At the back of the van - or commander point - JJ, Luke, Tara, Rossi, Matt, and Spencer see you come up with Emily.

For the best US profilers, they're not doing a good job hiding that they are gawking at you. Surely, no one imagined seeing you in such a revealing outfit. Outfit that, without a doubt, suits you extremely well, highlighting all your body attributes.

Spencer feels like he died and was resurrected after seeing you.

"Okay, guys, we need to check the details again," Emily announces.

The plan is in motion, and everyone is in position.

As expected, you arrive with Rossi at the club, who opens the door for you and helps you descend from the car. Rossi gives you a reassuring smile before letting you go.

Like a switch, you are no longer the shy SSA (Y/L/N). Now you are the woman who is going to take what she wants and attract the unsub attention doing that.

Your walk is determined, and your eyes send out flames of confidence to those who look at you. The music is very loud, something that would usually bother you, but not now. This needs to feel like your environment. That's how you like it, you tell yourself.

Almost instantly, you start to attract the looks of men who are eager for a woman like you.

You exude determination, and you don't go unnoticed.

Walking into the club, you make brief eye contact with Luke, who is on the dance floor. You see Spencer perched in a booth, nursing a beer.

At the same time, Tara is stationed at the bar.

"Remember (Y/N); the unsub expects the woman to approach men. The flirt needs to come from you," Emily reminds you by the earpiece hidden in one of the earrings you're wearing.

"Show time," you mumble to yourself.

You walk seductively to the dance floor, where a young man is dancing with a blonde. You approach and whisper something in his ear. That makes the boy completely lose interest in the blonde and start dancing with you. You smile and cling to the man's body, who wastes no time and takes your hips as if they were his possessions.

That dance certainly has nothing innocent about it. You continue whispering things in the boy's ear, and he looks more and more excited. Once you consider it a reasonable amount of time to have attracted attention, you leave the boy alone and head to the bar. Just a few meters away from Tara, a suspicious man is staring at you. You see him out of the corner of your eye as you order a drink. When the bartender passes it to you, you make subtle eye contact with Tara, who nods, indicating that the drink is clean.

You look next to you and see another man not so subtly looking at you. You know the unsub's profile, and you can't be intimidated or dominated by another man. You are the one who calls the shots. Otherwise, this will not work.

Before the man makes his attempt to seduce you, you turn to him, and with a penetrating look and disdainful voice, you stop him.

"Sorry, honey. Don't waste your time. You're not my type," and with that, you leave to move to the opposite side of the club. The guy huffs, and you're almost sure hearing him call you 'bitch' under his breath.

JJ, who's following the cameras inside the club, sees someone who looks suspect.

"Hey, this guy has been peeking at (Y/N) the entire time, and look, he clenched his fists when (Y/N) turned down that guy at the bar."

Emily confirms JJ's observation before giving you the next instructions.

"(Y/N), you're doing great. We have a possible target. So we need to raise the bet."

You know exactly what Emily means. You both had talked about the strategy to follow, having more details about what you should do than the rest of the team.

Matt and JJ look confused at each other but say nothing.

Your next step is to find another dude to seduce before delivering the coup de grace.

Luke and Spencer keep an eye on you. And while Luke is pleasantly surprised by your audacity, Spencer can't help but feel his stomach tighten. He tells himself it's because he is afraid something bad could happen to you, but inside of him, it's that and the fact of seeing you flirt with other men.

Just like you did with the guy on the dance floor, you attract the attention of another man; this time, you take his hand and pull him to the dance floor.

JJ and Matt's jaws drop to the floor. If Tara, Luke, and Spencer could do the same without giving themselves away, they would have done it, too.

As if it were your second nature, you laugh and move to the music. The man seems to enjoy the moment so much that he takes a bold step by leaning in to kiss you. You let him get closer until his lips are almost on yours. But before touching each other, you pull back with a malicious smile.

"Naughty boy. I'm who says if you can kiss or no," you pout, faking disappointment. Dizzed, the guy cocks his head and sees you walk away.

Matt chirps now. "It's him. Look boss," he tells Prentiss, pointing to the same guy JJ saw before.

There is no longer any doubt that it is him. Now you just have to catch him red-handed.

"(Y/N), we got him. It's time for the last play," Emily tells you.

With Emily's instruction, you go to the bar for another drink before heading over to where Spencer is sitting.

He tries to play it off, but he has no idea why you're approaching him.

"Is this seat taken, handsome?" You ask, with your drink in hand.

"N- no. Please," Spencer gestures to the booth on his front, but you opt to perch to his side. Spencer thinks he never has been this close to you. He looks at your eyes, and it's like you are a totally different person. It's a little bit contradictory for him, to be honest. He already likes you just as you are, but this version of you? It's driving him insane.

Some resemblance of your true self looks with a kind of curiosity the nervousness on Spencer. You don't think much about it; you assume he's playing the nervous guy who is baffled by you.

The thing is, Spencer isn't playing. He's definitely baffled by you.

"Are you okay?" You ask him, masking your question with a seductive smile.

"Yeah. Are - are you?" Spencer stutters a bit—something that is perfect for the plan but embarrassing for him.

You get closer to him to speak in his ear.

"This was Emily's idea," you tell him before kissing his ear and gently biting his lobe.

Spencer's breath hitches in his throat, and he thinks he's going to pass out any second. You're not doing it better: your heart is also pumping hard from the adrenaline. Of course, you had imagined something like that with Spencer, but only in your erotic dreams. You wouldn't dare do this on any given day.

You keep teasing Spencer, who, despite the nervousness, tries to play along. If this is the closest he will ever have you, he wants to engrave this in his memory.

"Just a little push, (Y/N). We almost have him," Emily instructs by the earpiece.

You swallow as subtly as possible as you wrap your arm around Spencer's neck, pulling him closer to you.

It's only a second between that action and the fact that you're kissing Spencer like it's your last meal.

Spencer doesn't know how to respond, and you were counting on that; it was enough time for the unsub to notice that you were the one who chose her last prey.

When Spencer is about to reciprocate the kiss, you murmur a 'sorry' into his lips and quickly pull away, giving him a disdainful look—which you hope he understands is fake—before getting up and walking toward the back exit door.

As expected, the unsub follows you towards the back door, and while your back is turned, he believes he has the advantage to attack you. What he doesn't know is that Matt and Luke are ready to lunge at him the moment he tries to touch you.

Everything that happens after is too fast.

The unsub is detained and taken to a patrol car while the team gathers around you, congratulating you on the successful operation. They all apologize to you for their previous apprehensions. You tell them that you understand and that there is no need to apologize. And it's like the switch has been flipped again since you came out of the femme fatale role.

But something is wrong. Spencer is not in the group. You see him a little further away, near the exit door of the club. Emily notices the looks between you both, and she sends the team on different tasks to close the case, leaving you and Spencer there.

There's something in his eyes that you can't decipher. You think it's resentment for using him without warning him what you were going to do.

You shyly approach him.

"It's me again," you tell him, pulling a face. You don't know what to say to make the situation better. Spencer nods.

"Yeah. You did it great, by the way," he compliments you. But it doesn't feel good like Spencer's compliments usually do.

"Look, about the kiss back there-" you start. He needs an explanation as a bare minimum.

"I know. It was fake," Spencer cuts you off.

Those words shouldn't hurt you as they do now. But isn't that the most reasonable thing to believe? The you in the club weren't you, so all you did inside was pretend.

Everything except that kiss.

If it's true you couldn't enjoy it the way you would have liked, you will never forget his lips on yours.

A tense silence takes over the moment. This is not okay.

You can't afford to lie to one of the most important people in your life, even if telling the truth takes you out of your comfort zone.

What the hell! Tonight has already been a total of 180 from a usual day for you.

"It wasn't," you mumble, and you see his eyes flicking to yours in a second.

"What?" Spencer asks, narrowing his eyes at you.

"Everything was fake, but not the kiss," you say with a stadied voice this time.

Spencer's heart races again. If you say you didn't fake it, then what he felt on your part at that moment was real?

"It wasn't fake?" He asks for clarification. You nod.

A smirk forms on Spencer's lips, seeing your cheeks redden.

There you are. The girl he had fallen for in the past two years.

"Well, you know that I am a man of science, right?" he tells you, and you frown because you have no idea where this is going.

"I know," you say with some hesitation.

"And as a man of science, I need evidence of things, you know?"

Now, you are the one who smirks at him.

"Evidence, huh?"

"Yep," he says, emphasizing the 'p' and swaying his body on his feet. You hum.

"I believe I can provide the necessary evidence if you need them," you concede, and Spencer's eyes sparkle with excitement.

Now, he is the one who reaches out and cups your cheeks. Your breathing quickens, but that doesn't stop you from standing on your tiptoes and connecting your lips with his.

This time, there is no unsub, no curious eyes are looking at you, there is no rush, there is no femme fatale role, and above all, this is not fake; it's as real as the fact that your heart beats for him, and his for you.

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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @levi-of-starz @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers 

[matt-is-me]

Mind Trick

cw:hypnosis,arousal

You and your friend are sitting on their couch, watching TV and unwinding after a very tiring day. You've both had a ton of work to worry about, and they think the best remedy for that exhaustion is to destress on the couch for a bit, then try out the trigger they gave you the previous day.

It was a Jedi Mind Trick suggestion, one that makes you mindlessly agree with them any time they wave their hand front of your face. You thought it was a very nerdy thing to use during a hypnosis session, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't curious of its effects.

You wanted to chill out for a bit, but there had to be a better way to do that. The TV was very boring. It was that dumb cooking show your friend always watches. You couldn't stand it, it was like watching paint dry.

"Can you please change the channel? You know how much I hate this show" , you asked, in a tired, grumpy tone.

They waved their hand.

"But you love this show, hun, you always have!"

Your previous opinion began to fade from your head, swiped away by the hand authoritavely swaying in front of you.

That.. that was true. It had always been that way. What were you complaining about? You loved to watch cooking shows! They offered a very relaxing, and informative experience, and suddenly it became impossible to take your eyes off the screen.

You continued watching with your friend for a while, excited with your newfound knowledge of how to prepare Steak au Poivre. It wasn't until both of you spent a little time relaxing your muscles that they suggested doing something else.

"Hm, I've chilled out enough. I'm in the mood for something.. diferent. Are you horny, dear?" They looked at you as they quizzed you on your arousal.

On one hand, you were a bit aroused, and it was the perfect way to destress. But on the other, you were pretty tired, and it was much easier to sit and watch the show. You needed a push, if your friend wanted this very lazy evening to end differently.

They waved their hand.

"You're incredibly aroused"

This time, you repeated their words, doing so without resistance. "I'm incredibly aroused" , you replied, the mindless tone of your voice quickly erasing your previous opinions.

That.. that was true. It had always been like that. Your tired expression morphed from sleepy to unfathomably horny. The thoughts that occupied your mind changed, from ones of curling up on the couch to sexual fantasies of your tist. Your mind grew aroused.

You began to absent-mindedly touch yourself. Nothing major, of course, but just enough to keep yourself worked up. Your friend watched your sudden shift in personality, content with how easy it was to make you agree with them.

They waved their hand.

"Your mind is extremely fuzzy"

"My mmind... fuzzy...", you replied, not even a tiny ammount of hesitation in your voice.

That was true. Your mind could barely keep a coherent thought inside your head. You began to drool your thoughts away as you touched yourself, the only noises escaping your mouth being giggles and moans. You were too dizzy to care about not being understood.

They waved their hand.

"You are really needy. You need me to tell you what to do. What to think."

"N..needyyy....", your voice trailed off, unable to repeat anymore.

That was true. You got closer to them, still touching yourself as you looked into their eyes. Your moans turned into a chorus of needy words, your mind looping the same fantasies of being blanked by your dear pal. You were begging. You had to beg.

"Pleaseee uusee meee,, nneed uu to tell me whhat ddoo.. wahhat too thinkk.. pleasepleasepleasepleaseepleasee"

"Aww, good toy!", your tist responded, a smile forming on their face as they watched your pretty head break from the pleasure.

They waved their hand.

"You're blank."

That was true. You were blank. Your mind suddenly stopped, no longer thinking anything. You froze in place, awaiting commands. You needed to be told what to do. What to think. And your tist had some great ideas~

"I am blank.", you mindlessly replied.

And just like that, with a few waves of a hand, you were gone.

[mintmatcha]

tiktok reader universe

contains mentions of sexual assault. cisfem reader.

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There's still times when Bakugo can tell your mind wanders during sex. The focus drains from your eyes, your grip goes limp, and your smile slips just a bit. You always come back to him if he says something, but... sometimes he lets it happen, lets you drift away. Maybe the distance is needed.

Even after all this time, you still never sleep over after sex. Tonight, you're a bit more impatient than usual, fixing your hair and wiping your brow right after he pulls away.

"I was offered a job today," you say casually.

"Yeah?" Bakugo loops an arm around the empty pillow that could be yours, if only you'd lean back into it. "With who?"

Instead, he's left to study the curve of your spine as you throw your legs over the side of the bed. He loves the story your body tells, with its scars and marks. Even the acne pocks are a reminder you were once just a teenager, just like he was. His own scars have puckered with age, still the same raging pink they were when they first healed.

"Someone with way too much money-" you say. -"who likes what I've done for your image and thinks I can fix theirs."

"And can you?"

You shoot him a grin from over your shoulder. "Is that even a question?"

Truthfully, Bakugo thinks you could do anything if you wanted to. You could lean over and rip his heart from his chest with just your fucking teeth-- and you'd make it look easy. He'd maybe even thank you. He'd definitely let it happen again.

Bakugo gives up on luring you back. "Well, when do you start?"

Your head tilts.

"I don't," you say."I didn't take the job."

Bakugo sits up straighter.

"I didn't want to leave you."

The statement sits warm in his chest, then quickly cools.

"Well, maybe you should have."

That makes you turn. You cock your head the other way, expression neutral, but still gracing him with a closed lip grin. The stare lasts for a long while before you crawl back under the covers and return to his side. Your lips find the side of his neck and your hands grip back to him, hot, heavy, breathless in that way you think he likes. A hum builds in your throat, a rolling, performative sound.

"Pull your cock out," you demand, right into the shell of his ear. "If this is the last time, I want another round."

"What?"

He doesn't have time to react before you're gripping his half hard cock, jerking it up gently. It's still wet with you and buzzing with sensitivity, so much so that he can't help but enjoy it, enjoy you-

"If you're about to break up with me, I want to at least cum one more time."

He loses the remnants of his erection.

"That's not what I fucking meant." Bakugo tries to meet your eye, but you just keep kissing at him, gripping at him. "Just-- stop stroking my cock for a second and be fucking serious."

You freeze, but keep your hand on him.

"I don't wanna work together," Bakugo reaches for your hand. The free one. "I just want to date."

You don't respond.

"I want to take you places and have you meet my parents and-"

God. this is so unlike him. When did he lose his teeth? Did you pull them straight from his skull and hang them from your neck like jewels?

"I want you to sleep over." He means it. "Like a real fucking couple."

The ceiling fan hums with an uneven hitch, catching in the same spot each time. It's an easy fix, but he's been ignoring it for so long that it's almost blended into the tapestry of his home. Click-click-click-click-click: now it's deafening, overwhelming the silence you're choosing to sit in. Just as he's about to open his mouth, you look away from his body and meet his eye. There's no sharp edge to your eyes.

"'tsuki."

You say it like a mother about to comfort a child, with a rounded curve to your tone that he's never heard before. You're trying to dull the blow, but it does nothing. It's a fucking knife to the gut.

"I'm serious. I'm really serious." He points with his whole arm towards the bathroom. "I've had a fucking toothbrush ready for you for weeks now. It's right there, in the fucking package."

You withdraw, smile long gone. The air between you two, trapped under the covers, goes cold.

"The girlfriend thing." You are unrecognizable without your Mona Lisa grin and he's obsessed with it. He wants to consume these rare moments, chew on them until he's full of you and only you, despite how it makes his stomach turn. "It was never real. You know that."

You cover your bare tits with one arm, but leave your pussy exposed. It feels like a reflex more than an actual concern.

"I'm not meant to be a girlfriend. You don't want me as a girlfriend."

Bakugo's quick to close the distance between you, but he pauses when you full body flinch. Your quirk activates for a moment - you glitter out of existence and then immediately back in- like it's unwittingly done. It's another incredibly un-you moment, but one that he doesn't want to drink in.

"I do." He keeps his voice as delicate as he can. "I do. I fucking do."

"I don't know how to do the things you need. I don't know how to be a girlfriend," you say. The corners of your smile return and he can see the wall coming back up. The arch of your back, the way your hand suddenly cups your tit: you turn yourself into someone else, someone's who's happy to be here, in an instant. "I can make myself girlfriend shaped. I can open my mouth and let you fuck it. I can pose for a picture. I can make your friends jealous."

Oh, and that distant look comes back to your face. The dilation of your eye is just... wrong, even as you smile.

"But I'm just something that's girlfriend shaped," you say. "I'm an illusion, a creature, a tool, a hole-"

"Don't ever say that shit again."

It rips out of him too roughly. "A hole? That's-- why would you say that?"

It all seems to hit you slowly, as if you're processing your own words. Like it never occured to you that you were saying something foul.

"Because-" you try to explain yourself.

"You're just a girl," Bakugo doesn't let you finish the thought. He can't. Not when you're above him like that, so guarded and yet so vulnerable, neither predator nor prey. "I hate to break your fucking illusion or whatever, but you aren't this fucking lumbering beast or huntress or, or, or, I dunno, whatever the commission has tricked you into believing."

He tries to meet your eye, but you're ducking away from it.

"You're just a girl." He lets his hands fall back to his lap. The pinky that doesn't work twitches, kicking with it's old muscle memory. The scar tissue itches under it's own tautness. "Underneath it all. You're just a girl."

The mattress creaks under your weight as you shift back. Now, your eyes are incredibly focused, almost pinpricks. You watch him with an unreadable expression, one slowly inching more towards horror with every moment.

"You think I can't see you, but I can." Bakugo stays where he is. "And I think you want to be seen."

Everything moves slowly. You blink a couple times, with this meek nod, swallowing thickly as you listen. Then, you get off of the bed and head towards the door. All of your clothes are still scattered on the bedroom floor, your panties at the foot of the bed.

"Wait." Bakugo scrambles to get to his feet. "Don't- fucking wait."

He says your name, once, twice, three times, and gets no response. Panic and regret swirl in his skull, so violent he almost goes lightheaded. By the time he reaches the hall, you're gone, and he thinks you've activated your quirk to escape him. It's the nightmare he's always had around you, the one where you disappear into the night the second he gets too close.

And then the bathroom light flicks on. With a careful trepidation, Bakugo inches down towards the door, afraid the break the illusion. Maybe, if he moves too fast, you'll really scatter off into the night, a deer under his headlights.

But when he slides into the frame, you're just standing there, holding a familiar little tube.

"This it?" You hold the package in your hand. "My toothbrush?"

"Yeah."

With your thumbs, you crack into the packaging and carefully peel the toothbrush out. You run the head under the faucet, then turn it off.

"Toothpaste?"

Bakugo pulls out the top drawer. With a sullen nod, you take the toothpaste and unscrew the top. Bakugo watches you, both of you completely naked, both of you completely silent. It surprises him how unsexual it feels to be here, postcoital, still sweaty, watching you brush your teeth. After the moment settles, he steps over and grabs his own brush.

You're just a girl, he thinks as he brushes his teeth next to you. He likes that you're just a girl next to him.

The both of you finish up, then you silently pad back to the room. Bakugo follows, a healthy distance, but close enough the he watches you shrug on his sweatshirt before dipping under the covers. Your head rests on your pillow.

Bakugo finds his space on the other side of the bed and you lay there, in the dim overhead lighting.

"It's hard for me," you say.

"Sleeping?"

"Yeah."

Bakugo turns on to his side and almost reaches out. Almost. Instead, he goes back and turns off the light. When he returns, you're nothing but a dark lump beside him.

"That's okay," he says, "You can sleep however the hell you want."

Your silhouette stays still.

"Sometimes I wake up crying," you say. "Or kicking, or just remembering something I shouldn't."

"Remembering what?"

The click of the fan overtakes everything again as you lay there, pulling in even breaths. A moment passes, then another and another. You're silent for too long, long enough that he thinks you've fallen asleep. Just as he's about to give up, you sigh out a winding breath.

"He was a hero," you whisper. "I felt special when he paid attention to me."

A chill he can't place creeps up his spine. He wants to ask what that means, why you're telling him this, but nothing comes out when he opens his mouth. He has to swallow, then cleae his throat.

"Did-?" His voice crackles. "Did someone hurt you?"

Again, you're silent.

"Who?" This time, when you don't respond, he presses. "Fucking who?"

"Someone who retired a long, long time ago."

"Give me a name and I'll fucking-"

"Katsuki."

"Someone raped you."

He had to say it out loud and dispel the mystery behind it. It's selfish, brash, but he needed it- just as he needs this hand around you, holding, cradling-

"That's what happens when you're just a girl." You clutch at his forearm with a want that isn't present in your voice. "People hurt you."

The bite of your nails surprises him.

"It's safer to be something else."

It's his turn to be quiet.