#it's still april 21 guys

[antelabbitsghost]

i've still got an hour left in the day

[reasonsforhope]

Story from the Washington Post here, non-paywall version here.

Washington Post stop blocking linksharing and shit challenge.

"The young woman was catatonic, stuck at the nurses’ station — unmoving, unblinking and unknowing of where or who she was.

Her name was April Burrell.

Before she became a patient, April had been an outgoing, straight-A student majoring in accounting at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. But after a traumatic event when she was 21, April suddenly developed psychosis and became lost in a constant state of visual and auditory hallucinations. The former high school valedictorian could no longer communicate, bathe or take care of herself.

April was diagnosed with a severe form of schizophrenia, an often devastating mental illness that affects approximately 1 percent of the global population and can drastically impair how patients behave and perceive reality.

“She was the first person I ever saw as a patient,” said Sander Markx, director of precision psychiatry at Columbia University, who was still a medical student in 2000 when he first encountered April. “She is, to this day, the sickest patient I’ve ever seen.” ...

It would be nearly two decades before their paths crossed again. But in 2018, another chance encounter led to several medical discoveries...

Markx and his colleagues discovered that although April’s illness was clinically indistinguishable from schizophrenia, she also had lupus, an underlying and treatable autoimmune condition that was attacking her brain.

After months of targeted treatments [for lupus] — and more than two decades trapped in her mind — April woke up.

The awakening of April — and the successful treatment of other people with similar conditions — now stand to transform care for some of psychiatry’s sickest patients, many of whom are languishing in mental institutions.

Researchers working with the New York state mental health-care system have identified about 200 patients with autoimmune diseases, some institutionalized for years, who may be helped by the discovery.

And scientists around the world, including Germany and Britain, are conducting similar research, finding that underlying autoimmune and inflammatory processes may be more common in patients with a variety of psychiatric syndromes than previously believed.

Although the current research probably will help only a small subset of patients, the impact of the work is already beginning to reshape the practice of psychiatry and the way many cases of mental illness are diagnosed and treated.

“These are the forgotten souls,” said Markx. “We’re not just improving the lives of these people, but we’re bringing them back from a place that I didn’t think they could come back from.” ...

Waking up after two decades

The medical team set to work counteracting April’s rampaging immune system and started April on an intensive immunotherapy treatment for neuropsychiatric lupus...

The regimen is grueling, requiring a month-long break between each of the six rounds to allow the immune system to recover. But April started showing signs of improvement almost immediately...

A joyful reunion

“I’ve always wanted my sister to get back to who she was,” Guy Burrell said.

In 2020, April was deemed mentally competent to discharge herself from the psychiatric hospital where she had lived for nearly two decades, and she moved to a rehabilitation center...

Because of visiting restrictions related to covid, the family’s face-to-face reunion with April was delayed until last year. April’s brother, sister-in-law and their kids were finally able to visit her at a rehabilitation center, and the occasion was tearful and joyous.

“When she came in there, you would’ve thought she was a brand-new person,” Guy Burrell said. “She knew all of us, remembered different stuff from back when she was a child.” ...

The family felt as if they’d witnessed a miracle.

“She was hugging me, she was holding my hand,” Guy Burrell said. “You might as well have thrown a parade because we were so happy, because we hadn’t seen her like that in, like, forever.”

“It was like she came home,” Markx said. “We never thought that was possible.”

...After April’s unexpected recovery, the medical team put out an alert to the hospital system to identify any patients with antibody markers for autoimmune disease. A few months later, Anca Askanase, a rheumatologist and director of the Columbia Lupus Center,who had been on April’s treatment team, approached Markx. “I think we found our girl,” she said.

Bringing back Devine

When Devine Cruz was 9, she began to hear voices. At first, the voices fought with one another. But as she grew older, the voices would talk about her, [and over the years, things got worse].

For more than a decade, the young woman moved in and out of hospitals for treatment. Her symptoms included visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as delusions that prevented her from living a normal life.

Devine was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which can result in symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. She also was diagnosed with intellectual disability.

She was on a laundry list of drugs — two antipsychotic medications, lithium, clonazepam, Ativan and benztropine — that came with a litany of side effects but didn’t resolve all her symptoms...

She also had lupus, which she had been diagnosed with when she was about 14, although doctors had never made a connection between the disease and her mental health...

Last August, the medical team prescribed monthly immunosuppressive infusions of corticosteroids and chemotherapy drugs, a regime similar to what April had been given a few years prior. By October, there were already dramatic signs of improvement.

“She was like ‘Yeah, I gotta go,’” Markx said. “‘Like, I’ve been missing out.’”

After several treatments, Devine began developing awareness that the voices in her head were different from real voices, a sign that she was reconnecting with reality. She finished her sixth and final round of infusions in January.

In March, she was well enough to meet with a reporter. “I feel like I’m already better,” Devine said during a conversation in Markx’s office at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, where she was treated. “I feel myself being a person that I was supposed to be my whole entire life.” ...

Her recovery is remarkable for several reasons, her doctors said. The voices and visions have stopped. And she no longer meets the diagnostic criteria for either schizoaffective disorder or intellectual disability, Markx said...

Today, Devine lives with her mother and is leading a more active and engaged life. She helps her mother cook, goes to the grocery store and navigates public transportation to keep her appointments. She is even babysitting her siblings’ young children — listening to music, taking them to the park or watching “Frozen 2” — responsibilities her family never would have entrusted her with before her recovery.

Expanding the search for more patients

While it is likely that only a subset of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and psychotic disorders have an underlying autoimmune condition, Markx and other doctors believe there are probably many more patients whose psychiatric conditions are caused or exacerbated by autoimmune issues...

The cases of April and Devine also helped inspire the development of the SNF Center for Precision Psychiatry and Mental Health at Columbia, which was named for the Stavros Niarchos Foundation, which awarded it a $75 million grant in April. The goal of the center is to develop new treatments based on specific genetic and autoimmune causes of psychiatric illness, said Joseph Gogos, co-director of the SNF Center.

Markx said he has begun care and treatment on about 40 patients since the SNF Center opened. The SNF Center is working with the New York State Office of Mental Health, which oversees one of the largest public mental health systems in America, to conduct whole genome sequencing and autoimmunity screening on inpatients at long-term facilities.

For “the most disabled, the sickest of the sick, even if we can help just a small fraction of them, by doing these detailed analyses, that’s worth something,” said Thomas Smith, chief medical officer for the New York State Office of Mental Health. “You’re helping save someone’s life, get them out of the hospital, have them live in the community, go home.”

Discussions are underway to extend the search to the 20,000 outpatients in the New York state system as well. Serious psychiatric disorders, like schizophrenia, are more likely to be undertreated in underprivileged groups. And autoimmune disorders like lupus disproportionately affect women and people of color with more severity.

Changing psychiatric care

How many people ultimately will be helped by the research remains a subject of debate in the scientific community. But the research has spurred excitement about the potential to better understand what is going on in the brain during serious mental illness...

Emerging research has implicated inflammation and immunological dysfunction as potential players in a variety of neuropsychiatric conditions, including schizophrenia, depression and autism.

“It opens new treatment possibilities to patients that used to be treated very differently,” said Ludger Tebartz van Elst, a professor of psychiatry and psychotherapy at University Medical Clinic Freiburg in Germany.

In one study, published last year in Molecular Psychiatry, Tebartz van Elst and his colleagues identified 91 psychiatric patients with suspected autoimmune diseases, and reported that immunotherapies benefited the majority of them.

Belinda Lennox, head of the psychiatry department at the University of Oxford, is enrolling patients in clinical trials to test the effectiveness of immunotherapy for autoimmune psychosis patients.

As a result of the research, screenings for immunological markers in psychotic patients are already routine in Germany, where psychiatrists regularly collect samples from cerebrospinal fluid.

Markx is also doing similar screening with his patients. He believes highly sensitive and inexpensive blood tests to detect different antibodies should become part of the standard screening protocol for psychosis.

Also on the horizon: more targeted immunotherapy rather than current “sledgehammer approaches” that suppress the immune system on a broad level, said George Yancopoulos, the co-founder and president of the pharmaceutical company Regeneron.

“I think we’re at the dawn of a new era. This is just the beginning,” said Yancopoulos."

-via The Washington Post, June 1, 2023

[sygneth]

Echoes of Elysium | Chapter 1 | Page 21

Page 20 Page 22 -> coming soon Info & index - ComicFury - AO3

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Thanks to everyone who wished me luck on my defence, it went very well and I can proudly say that I am no longer a poor student, but a poor unemployed artist :3 (Joking only a little, looking for a job sucks ass.) By the way, can you believe it was over a year ago that I posted my first page of Echoes? (April 5th, to be precise.) Maybe 21 pages in a year is not an impressive number but hey, the most important thing is that I am still here and still wanna do it. Thanks to everybody who is reading, leaving comments, hyping me up in the tags and reblogging, you guys are making my days and giving me motivation to create more <3

I know what this page may look like, but belive me, it's not what you think it is.

[lalal-99]

Sweet Thing {s.c.}

9 “ That feels good…” 14 “Spread your legs, sweet thing.” 33 “Please, just let me come!"

Changbin x afab!reader | trope: strangers to lovers, regular hookup turns serious | smut | wordcount: 1.8k

Synopsis: You know nothing about the hot guy you've been hooking up with for months. You're not even sure about his name. Obviously, you need to change that. In the middle of sex is probably not the right time, but so what?!

Warnings: explicit content | dni if your under 18

Smut Tags: Porn with Plot | Explicit Sexual Content | Making Out | Hook-up in Bathroom | Bathroom Sex | Fingering (reader rec.) | Oral (reader rec.) | Edging | Overstimulation | Teasing | Some Dirty Talk | Slight Praise Kink | Dom/Sub Undertones (Dom!Changbin) | Mirror Sex

Note: Well, I don't know what to say for myself. The prompt event happened in March/April 2022. And here I am, 2 years later. Some requested prompts are still in my inbox, and I do think I will write something for each eventually. For now, please enjoy this one :) Also, thanks @jl-micasea-fics for letting me use your prompts. I know it's been two years, but still, credit where its due ;)

Taglist: @skzho @bubblelixie @flakywig @itsallaboutkey @avyskai @mekuiikore @changbiddies0325 @knowleeknow @sensitiveandhungry @svintsandghosts @poutypoutybin @hyunjinswifeee @sunlitwilderness

Tumblr works on a reblog system. Please consider reblogging this post so that it can reach more people.

Please don't flag as mature or repost this story - Thank You!

“Spread your legs, sweet thing.”

Against every fibre in your body, you disobey and further the distance to the unbelievably attractive man instead. Much to his dismay.

“Hey,” he tilts your gaze towards himself by the touch of your jaw. A sweet gesture, seeing you were heavily making out seconds before. “What’s going on?”

Hidden away in the small bathroom of your favourite bar, you find yourself perched on the counter. Most definitely the product of the alcohol intoxicating your system.

“Sorry—” you excuse yourself, wiping your hands down the sides of face. “I’m good. Let’s keep going.”

Expecting him to continue where you had left of, you’re surprised to find him leaning against the wall. “Not until you tell me what’s going on in that stunning head of yours.”

A light blush spreads over your cheeks towards your ears and your lip wanders between your teeth. Because the reason for your distraction is so stupid.

“It’s just, we’ve been doing this for a while.” Hooking up at this very bar every weekend for the past few months. For the life of you, you can’t remember how it even started. Possibly with a conversation and his hand on your thigh. Probably with a few shots while celebrating your birthday. “And I don’t know anything about you.”

“Which hasn’t been a problem until now. So, where’s this coming from?”

The first few times were fun. Hooking up in the bathroom, words limited to the absolute necessary. If anything, it made it even hotter. Being with a stranger whose name you hardly remember. But then the comments started. You don’t know which of your friend was the first to say something. It might have been Seungmin, questioning how you could keep hooking up weekly without knowing the first thing about him.

And now you can’t shake the comment out of you if you try. The voice is a constant tenant of your metaphorical head-apartment. Living rent-free.

“My friends. They’ve been asking questions about you. None of which I can answer.” Which is stupid, because it shouldn’t matter. What matters is the incredibly handsome and muscular guy in front of you. Changbin— you think.

You’re surprised when he doesn’t laugh at or dismiss their concern. “Okay, then. Let’s do it.”

Cocking an eyebrow, you look down at his hands as they begin travelling up your thighs again. Leaving goosebumps as they burn into your skin.

“Do what?”

“Get to know each other. Might as well play 21 questions while we’re at it.”

His lips brush against your jaw before he urges them against your neck. Checking the quickening of your pulse as he licks at the veins.

“Come on. Hit me.”

But you can’t think. His touches are a true distraction, moans tumbling out of your mouth as you finally spread your legs for him. He slots between them, fitting like the last piece of a puzzle.

“You do know how 21 questions works, right?”

His hands grope at your flesh, pulling you closer until you can feel him against your most sensitive part. Why’d you have to speak up? He could have been inside you by now, but you had to open your stupid mouth.

“Yeah— Just— Can’t think.”

“Fine,” he gives in, pulling at your lip as he kisses you. You’re so hot, you wonder whether you’re nursing a fever. “I’ll tell you three things about me, then. Speed things up. ‘S that alright?”

“Please.” You’re begging now, nails digging into the skin of his bulky arms as he’s dragging his clothed crotch against you. “Feels so good.”

“First one.” Changbin pulls your top up over your breasts, freeing your bra. His thick fingers brush against your nipples, forcing a shudder through your body. “I go to the gym five times a week.”

“Obvious—ngh,” you agree turns into a throaty moan as he nibbles at your left breast. Your panties soaked already as you mumble into the night. “Deeper.”

“I’m not even inside you yet.” His chuckle vibrates through your torso. Then he grazes his teeth against your second nipple, and you might as well have lost your head.

“No. Tell me— fuck— tell something deeper. Something not— not everyone knows.”

You’re entering heaven when his hand wanders down your side and towards the hem of your skirt. It wiggles below the fabric, setting flames to your loins. You’re burning from the inside out as this stranger handles your body like he created it himself. Knows how to make you go absolutely insane. And that’s with his clothes still on.

“I call my mom every day.” That definitely fits the category of deep talk. Although, the thought of Changbin’s mother doesn’t exactly fit the moment. “Number three, I’d like to take you out one of these days.”

When the tip of his thumb reaches for your clit, you see the realisation hit his features in real time. You’ve ruined your panties and he can feel it. He has ruined you, and he can see it. From your rolled-back eyes to your tossed-back head. You’re in absolute ecstasy.

Changbin thumbs at your nub, drawing circles with your own wetness. Smirking with pride like a lunatic.

“Your turn, sweet thing. Three things about you, then you get to come.”

No words describe the hatred you feel for yourself when you realise he’s serious. The trajectory of earning your orgasm is as much arousing as it is frustrating. If only you hadn’t said a thing.

“I’m—” You tumble forward as his middle finger enters you. And him? He cocks his head at you, playing confused.

“Sorry? I don’t understand you. Can you speak up?”

Asshole.

“Music,” you mumble, breathless. “I like music. Listening. Making.”

“That’s one. You’re doing so good for me.” A kiss swallows the whine as he enters another finger. Your walls are clenching around him as his thumb practically attacks your clit. It feels so good, but it’s not enough and Changbin knows. “I tell you what. Give me a second, and I’ll give you a third. Sound good?”

You nod, frantic, needing—nay, craving—another one of his fingers.

“I’m good— good at— oh, God.” Hands are clawing at his shirt, the black and red fabric almost ripping from the strength he ignites in you. Your stomach is tensing tight, and he slows down. It’s an alarming promise, Changbin threatening to leave you high and dry if you don’t give him another one. A second fact about yourself. “Maths. I’m good at maths.”

You’re all but howling when he enters a third finger and curls them up against your spot. That’s when you loose the rest of control over your body. None of your movements are under your own command anymore, Changbin’s the sole reason you’re even still sitting upright.

“That’s two. I thought you were good at maths. You’re one short of earning my mouth, sweet thing.”

The promise alone almost makes you fall of the edge. His mouth on you. Coaxing you to your sweet, sweet release. It’s not far, but Changbin is the only one who can make you reach it. You don’t doubt he’ll leave you on the edge if you don’t give him a third fact.

It’s unfortunate that you can’t form coherent sentences anymore. Let alone think of a third fact about yourself. Absolutely pathetic.

“Please—” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stare up at him, begging, pleading. “Please, just let me come.”

“Nuh-uh,” he teases with a smirk. A soft kiss hits your nose, then your lips. “That’s not a fact, sweet thing. Don’t you want to come on my tongue?”

Again, the thought alone has you clenching on his fingers. You’re so full, so close, and yet, can’t think of anything.

Maybe if you copy one of his facts, he won’t notice, right? But what was it he said? Oh, right. Gym, mom, date. But, you don’t go to the gym and you don’t talk to your mom daily.

“So, what is it?”

“Date!” you blurt out and he looks confused. “Take me out.” But that’s a prompt, not a fact, so you correct even further, teetering on the edge of heaven and hell. “I’d like it, I mean.”

Changbin debates for a second whether your words count as a fact. You can tell he wants to tease you some more, relishes in it. Thank God, he decides against it.

A sigh of relief escapes you when he finally leans down, pushes your skirt up and connects his lips to yours. And that’s all it takes.

One second his tongue prods against your clit, the next you’re coming on it.

And come, you do. You’re sure you’re squirting all over his face as he swallows up every bit of your release. Cleans you with his mouth until you’re glistening in spit and overstimulation. It doesn’t seem he wants to leave the space between your thighs and you have to drag him away when it becomes too much.

“Sweet, sweet thing,” he teases with a smile when he comes up, licking his lips. His hair is a mess, likely from your hands tugging at the strands and he looks like sex-on-legs. Cheeks dark pink, lips just as, and eyes blurry from arousal. He’s so, so hot, and you’re heating up again already as he’s kissing your lips with pure passion. “So, about that date…”

“Name a place and a time. I’ll be there.”

He chuckles, pulling you from the counter and turning you around. You will never tire from him, treating you like a doll. Bending and breaking you as he pleases. Those damn muscles flex as his arms wrap around your body and he pushes you up against the sink.

“We’ll get there. In fact…” he pulls your skirt over your asscheeks, giving them a delicious squeeze as he hums. Next thing you know, he frees his cock, reaching into his jeans to pull out a condom. And you wonder how Changbin is still so hot while wrapping himself in the latex. “How about you come three more times.”

You gulp at the thought, finding him in the mirror.

“One for a time and one for a place.”

That’s only two. You’re good at maths, or at least you think you are. Changbin might have fucked that brain right out of you.

“And the last one— one— fuck, you’re tight,” he praises as he enters you from behind.

Once he bottoms out, he collects himself, flicking your nipples as he watches you through the glass. And yet again, you’re a chaotic mess in his hands. With your head thrown back against his chest, you’re sent straight back to your own personal nirvana.

That’s when Changbin finishes his prior statement, a proud smirk glued to his face. “The last one’s simply for good measure.”

Masterlist Leave your thoughts!

[lovingyoulovinme]

part 2 of childhood best friends!charles & y/n

part 3

2021

yourinstagram

Liked by arthur_leclerc and 86,893 others

yourinstagram happy birthday to my best friend in the whole entire world i love u charlie!!! this is only time of the year ill be nice to u 🫶🏽🫶🏽

View all 558 comments

charles_leclerc You call posting that second photo being nice?? 😭

— View 129 more replies

yourinstagram i said i love you is that not enough

user7 I LOVE THEM!!!!!

ynfan y/n is the only person allowed to clown on charles

pascale.leclerc.355 🥹🤏

user2 he looks so good in the first pic omfg

pierregasly 🤣

October 16, 2021

charles_leclerc

Liked by yourinstagram and 432,577 others

charles_leclerc L.A. ❤️

View all 6,683 comments

yourinstagram i post such good photos of you and u post urself in those horrible pants..you'll be single forever

— View 249 more replies

charlesupdates LMAO get his ass

charles_leclerc Only need you 🤗

user1 DONT GIVE ME HOPE LIKE THIS

user13 does she have to follow him everywhere?

arthur_leclerc Thanks for the invite guys!!!

user4 who was y/n looking at like that

— View 35 more replies

yourinstagram the waiter bringing us our food

ylnleclerc get married already 🫣

December 4, 2021

2023

rubendias

Liked by masonmount and 538,838 others

rubendias 🤍

View all 3,589 comments

yourinstagram not enough pictures of me but okay

— View 285 more replies

rubendias Other pictures of you were not appropriate 🤣

user2 i cant stand them

yoursister she looks beautiful ❤️ and you're there...

jackgrealish Vacay is over..time to come back to training!

user3 i love when two sexy people date each other

sasha_rebecca Angel in slide 3! 👼😇

March 3, 2023

charles_leclerc

Liked by yourinstagram and 953,389 others

charles_leclerc Third in the main race today. Nothing we could have done more.

Thank you for the support and see you in Miami 🇺🇸

View all 4,938 comments

ylnleclerc IS THAT A Y/N LIKE IN THE YEAR 2023

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user6 i'm literally in disbelief...

charlielover they def rekindled in february thats what im choosing to believe and now all we need is for them to follow each other again 🙏

scuderiaferarri 💪❤️

user8 not to sound delusional but i bet y/n is still so proud of him despite what happened between them 🥺

pierregasly P3 Baby 🏋️‍♀️

charlesfan proud of u for being able to take that horrible car past its limits

April 30, 2023

yourinstagram

Liked by pierregasly and 197,288 others

yourinstagram happy birthday to my boyfriend!

View all 1,854 comments

rubendias Best birthday present 🤤

yourfriend you are so funny bruh

ynstan i could treat you better queen 😭

user2 pierre back in her likes.....im connecting the dots

pascale.leclerc.355 Beautiful 🤗

— View 52 more replies

yourinstagram thank you pascale 💓💓

May 15, 2023

yourinstagram added to their story.

May 21, 2023

dailymail

43,382 likes

dailymail Seems like trouble has hit for Manchester City player, Ruben Dias and his girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N 👀 The star snogs mystery woman on boat during holiday in Formentera despite his ongoing relationship with Y/L/N.

Comments on this post have been limited.

July 24, 2023

tags (tagging everyone who asked about a part 2/asked to be reminded!): @julesandro @tempo-rary-fix @briandaflores19 @fangirlika @escapism-writer @haloxmendes @leclerc16s @vita-di-moda

[bbrissonn]

𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 𝐳𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬

summary: in which trevor broke up with you at the end of the season because of his own insecurity, but what happens when he's back in anaheim and he's had a little too much to drink

disclaimer: english is not my first language and this is not proofread so please excuse any errors and if any words are missing add them in your head :) also this is a work of fiction, this doesn’t reflect how these boys act in real life, and it isn’t how i imagine them acting 

warnings: slight smut, angst, fluff, swearing (i think), not proofread  

pairing: trevor zegras x reader

wc: 4.9k (including lyrics)

a/n: based on the song bad idea right? by olivia rodrigo

guts masterlist

Hey

You’re eyes scanned the bar as you, along with your group of friends, walked into the place. The loud music filling your ears, making you grimace slightly. This was your first time going out since your break up with Trevor at the end of his first full NHL season, back in April. He had made the decisions to end your relationship only hours before going on his last road trip of the season, and when he came back home a couple of days later, all your things were gone.

You hadn’t tried to reach out to him when he left, instead choosing of just leaving and moving back into your parent’s house for the summer. Your friends were with you everyday, not wanting the end of your year long relationship to destroy like your previous breakup did. They understood that you were in the mood to go out every night, or any night at all, so movie nights, walks on the beach, ice cream runs were a daily thing. 

Eventually, in early July, you started moving on from him, he hadn’t bothered to reach out to you either, so you had no choice but to do so. Slowly but surely, you started spending more time outside of your house, something your parents were grateful for. Then, you found yourself your own apartment, still close to home, but not too close to where Trevor lived so you wouldn't have to run into him in the store or on the streets. 

Now here you were, October only a couple of days away, standing at a bar with a bright smile on your face as your friends talked about all the drama they heard from your high school days, which couple were still together, which ones weren’t, some of them were now married with kids, something that shocked you a bit since you were only 21, but if that’s what they wanted, good on them, you thought. 

Haven’t heard from you in a couple of months

But I’m out right now and I’m all fucked up

And you’re callin’ my phone and you’re all alone

And I’m sensing some undertone

And I’m right here with all my friends

But you’re sending me your new address

And I know we’re done, I know we’re through

But, God, when I look at you

As the morning hours approached, it was safe to say you were completely drunk, somehow this casual night out, had turned into you guys celebrating going into your last year of college, meaning way more drinks were bought than expected. 

You were all sitting in a booth, laughs echoing, when you felt your phone buzz in the pocket of your jeans shorts. You struggled a bit, but eventually, you got your phone out, squinting your eyes to see who was calling you. 

❌trevor❌

You let out a sigh watching your phone ring until his contact disappeared, and then voicemail notification popped up. You knew you couldn’t do this to yourself, you shouldn’t, but you wanted to. So, you excused yourself, claiming you needed to use the bathroom, of course some of your friends suggested they came with you, not wanting you to be alone. But you assured them you’d be fine. 

“Hey, it’s me. I… Uh, it’s been a while.” His voice echoed through the speaker of your phone, making you bit your lips as you heard his voice for the first time since you two broke up. “I hope you’re doing good, I really do.” He continued, his voice shaky a bit. Before he said anything else, you heard him sip on a drink and let out a sigh. “I don’t know if you’re busy or whatnot, maybe you’re having a night with your parents or something.” He added, sipping once again on his drink, and now you could tell he was a bit tipsy by the way his words were slurred a bit. “But I was wondering if you’d wanna meet up? Talk a bit about what happened. I’ll text you my new place, come if you want.” 

And then it went silent, but he hadn’t hung-up, after about ten seconds of silence, you decided to hang up, telling yourself he was probably done and just miss clicked the red button on his phone. You stayed in the bathroom stall for a bit, wondering what you should do. You wanted nothing more than to see him, talk to him, get some closure about why he ended your relationship, but you didn’t want to get even more heartbroken than you already were. 

When you made it back to the booth, you knew what you were going to do. Was it a smart decision? No, absolutely not. But did it seem like a good one to your drunk self? Yes, absolutely.

My brain goes, “Ah”

Can’t hear my thoughts (I cannot hear my thoughts)

Like blah-blah-blah (Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah)

Should probably not

I should probably, probably not

I should probably, probably not

As you announced your departure to your friends, a lot of them suggested to go with you, make sure you stay safe, but you convince them you’d be fine, only having a couple of minutes to walk and promising them you’d call them if anything happened. 

As you started your adventure towards your desired place, your brain started to come to it’s sense. This was horrible idea, but you didn’t care. You craved to hear him, see him, smell his cologne that you adored so much, you need him. So, you just ignored what your head was telling you, choosing instead to follow your heart and what it wanted. 

Seeing you tonight

It’s a bad idea right?

Seeing you tonight

It’s a bad idea right?

Seeing you tonight

It’s a bad idea right?

Seeing you tonight

Fuck it, it’s fine

As you got closer and closer, the anxiety of seeing him again started to settle in. What if he decided you took too long and left? What if he had another girl over and asked you to come just to rub it in your face? No, he wouldn’t that. Trevor could be an asshole on the ice sometimes, and to other guys in the bar if he saw them let their eyes linger on your body a little too long for his liking, but he wouldn’t do anything like that.

 That’d be such a dick move from him, plus, you were still in contact with Jamie, and from what you understood through the boy’s weird texts, Trevor hadn’t seen any other girl yet. So, truly, what was the worst that could happen, right?

Yes, I know that he’s my ex

But can’t two people reconnect?

I only see him as a friend

The biggest lie I ever said

Oh, yes, I know that he’s my ex

But can’t two people reconnect?

I only see him as a friend

I just tripped and fell into his bed

Deciding that at least informing your parents of where you were going, or more like who you were going to see was the least you could do. That way if your friends went over to check on you, they’d call your parents to see if you had gone to their house, they’d know of the horrible decision you had made the previous night. 

Your mother wasn’t too fond of your idea, but she had met Trevor, he was a sweetheart, he knew you weren’t in any danger. If anything, she was over the moon that you had decided to finally go see the boy and talk about what had happened. 

Trevor had met your parents countless of times during your relationship, your dad being a big hockey fan, even though his favorite team was the Kings and not the Ducks. Every time you’d mention coming to visit them for the day, Trevor coming along with you, they’d almost jump from excitement, happy that their daughter had finally found a good boy for herself. They were a little cautious of him at first, doing their researches online before meeting him and seeing not so good things about him and his reputation of being a playboy, but all that worry quickly washed away when they caught the two of you sitting on the front porch watching the sunset. The window in the living room giving them a perfect view of the two of you, wide smiles on your faces as they saw Trevor looking at their daughter the way your father looked at your mother, pure love in their eyes.

No, your mother was more scared of you walking the streets of Anaheim all alone in the dark, and you understood her. The world wasn’t a safe place, neither during dark or light, especially for young woman your age. The fact that you were drunk didn’t help either, so you decided to stay on the phone with her until you made it safely to Trevor’s place.

Now I’m gettin’ in the car, wreckin’ all my plans

I know I should stop, but I can’t

And I told my friend I was asleep

But I never said where (in his sheets)

And I pull up to your place on the second floor

And you’re standing, smiling at the door

And I’m sure I’ve seen much hotter men

But I really can’t remember when

Your hand were shaking slightly as you knocked on his door, making sure not to make too much noise to wake up his neighbors, but enough so he could hear you. You heard movement behind the door, along with the sound of the TV getting paused. 

Then, the next thing you knew, Trevor was standing in front of you, a beer bottle in hand. A wide grin appeared on his face as your eyes meet for the first time in months. He had gotten a haircut, thankfully, the last time you saw him, his hair kept covering his eyes and he was always complaining about it, but refused to get it cut anywhere other than his hairdresser back home. 

Suddenly, all the emotions you had been holding for the past couple of months rose within you. All the anger, hurt and love you felt towards him were all present inside you, making you extremely confused as to how you felt. 

“You came.” He stated, his eyes growing wide as he realized what was going on, you were here. 

“I did.” You confirmed, more to yourself than to him. Suddenly, you regretted coming here, but at the same time, you were so grateful to see him. Almost as if seeing him just confirmed that you’re relationship truly happened, that it was real and wasn’t just something you made up in your sleep, that he was real.

“Come in.” He said, opening up his door completely for you to walk in. There was still a couple of boxes in the corner of his living room, and there was barely any furniture, meaning he hadn’t been back for a while. 

As the two of you walked into his living room, it was the first time you truly saw him. The lights in the hallway were dimed down considering the time, and all the lights in his kitchen and entry way were turned off. His skin was tanned, his muscles were more defined than they were back in spring, but one of the first thing you had noticed was his arm, more specifically his left one. It was now home to not one, but two tattoos. 

You knew he was planning on getting some soon, it was something he talked about a lot during your relationship, but he never figured out what to get. 

“A spider? Seriously?” You laughed as the two of you sat down on his couch. He gave you a weird look before realizing you were looking at his tattoos. 

“Spiderman.” He answered with shrug, making you roll your eyes with a smile before letting your eyes drift over to the TV. Your heart dropped slightly as you realized what he was watching, Shameless, your favourite show. He had never watched it before the two of you started dating, and you quickly made sure to make him watch all the episodes, gasping when he informed you he’d never seen it before. You were about to mention it to him, but the screen went black before any words could leave your mouth. 

“So, how you been?” He asked, his words a little slurred. You looked over at him, only to see he was already looking at you with a way too familiar look. A look he always had on his face when he’d be talking to you, or at any moment really, one that was reserved just for you and no one else. Only making you wonder even more why he had ended things between the two of you. 

My brain goes, “Ah”

Can’t hear my thoughts (I cannot hear my thoughts)

Like blah-blah-blah (Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah)

Should probably not

I should probably, probably not

I should probably, probably not

“Seriously? You break up with me for no reason, then five months later you call me, drunk, asking me to come over to talk, and all you have you say is ‘how you been’?” You asked, the anger in you taking control. Trevor looked down at his lap at your words. He knew calling you was a bad idea, he didn’t even know why he decided to do it in the first place. Sure, he had been thinking about it ever since he walked out the door in April, apologize to you a million times and do anything you’d want him to if he meant he could be yours again, but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t break your heart even more than he already did. 

“Listen, Bug, what I did, what I said, it was the worst mistake of my life.” He started, the nickname he had given slipping past his lips. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened and I was so stupid to end it. And, I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and during our relationship, but being your boyfriend was never one. I am so in love with you―”

“Then why’d you end it, Trevor?” You cut him off, your voice stern as you avoided his gaze, scared that tears would start to form in your eyes if you looked over at him. 

“Because you deserve better than me. You’re the most perfect person I’ve ever met, and I know that you don’t think you are, but to me you are. You’re kind to everyone, you’re smart, you care about everyone even if they’ve done bad things, you’re perfect. And I am… am just me. I fuck up everything good that happens in my life, I hurt people without even realizing it, I am not a good person, Y/N/N. You deserve better than me.” He confessed, his voice low, almost scared that you’d hear him. After he was done, he chugged the rest of his beer before adding one more thing. “I am not good enough for you.” 

“Says who?” 

“Everyone. Every time you’d meet someone I know, they’d always say they didn’t understand what someone like you saw in me, like I wasn’t good enough to be your boyfriend. All my family and friends, they all love you, but they don’t understand why you’re with me, and honestly, I don’t either.” He admitted, the tone and volume in his voice not changing. You knew Trevor was a bit insecure about himself, scared that he was too high energized that people wouldn’t want to be around him, but you never knew it was this deep. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me, Trev?” You asked him, your voice shaky a bit. You start to wonder how long he had been feeling this way, suddenly feeling guilty for not noticing it. The boy next to you scoffed a bit before answering as he opened another beer. 

“I didn’t want to burden you with my stupid problems.” 

“Trevor… you could never burden me. I care about you, so much―”

“You care about everyone.”

“Yeah, maybe I do, but I don’t care about them the way I care about you, Trevor. You’ve made me feel the best I ever have in years, you’ve helped me over come so many challenges in the last year, you’ve been there for me through everything. The way I care about you, Trev, I can’t even explain it. And I am so, so sorry I didn’t realized that something was wrong and hearing you talk about it makes me feel guilty that when you needed someone to help you, I wasn’t there.” 

“You couldn’t of had known―”

“But I should’ve. I should’ve realized, Trev, and I am sorry I didn’t. You were there for me every time I was hurting, and when you were, I wasn’t.” 

Seeing you tonight

It’s a bad idea right?

Seeing you tonight

It’s a bad idea right?

Seeing you tonight

It’s a bad idea right?

Seeing you tonight

Fuck it, it’s fine

Then, the next thing you knew, his lips were on yours, one of his hand cupping your cheek as your eyes grew wide. After a couple of seconds, the boy pulled back, his eyes focused on yours, and you waisted no time pulling him back in for another one. 

Minutes later, your tongue met his in the middle, a small gasp leaving his mouth as you bit down on his lip. His other hand was now resting on your waist, holding you close, as one of your hand was holding onto the collar of his shirt tightly while the other was holding onto his neck. Then, both of his hands started making their way down to your thighs, softly rubbing them before picking you up and placing you on his lap, your lips never leaving each other’s. 

Soon, his hands made their way back up your body, slipping under the shirt you were wearing, pulling you closer to him. Your mouths separated for split second and you took the opportunity to lift his shirt over his head, wasting no time to attack his necks with small kisses and love bites. 

Groans slipped past Trevor’s mouth every time you bit down on the skin under his ear, and even more when you started moving your core over his. Your shit was next, joining his on the floor behind the couch, and this time he was the one to attack your chest. Your hips accelerating every time his mouth got closer and closer to your breasts and soon your bra joined the small pile of clothes. 

“Trev!” You moaned as his lips attached around one of your nipples, pulling the hairs on the back of his neck as he did so, a loud groan echoing through his living room. Eventually, his lips left your body, your foreheads now leaning against the other’s, mouths inches apart, as you both grinded on each other, moans leaving both of your mouths. Then, you uttered the three words he had been dying to hear in since April. 

“I need you.”

Yes, I know that he’s my ex

But can’t two people reconnect?

I only see him as a friend

The biggest lie I ever said

Oh, yes, I know that he’s my ex

But can’t two people reconnect?

I only see him as a friend

I just tripped and fell into his bed

A grunt left your mouth as your back hit his mattress, his body soon leaning over yours as your lips attached, his hips meeting yours as you whined. You wanted nothing more in that moment than for his pants and underwear to disappear, as well as yours. 

“So inpatient.” He mumbled as your lips parted, a smirk plastered on his face. 

“Trev.” You whined, your hips leaving the comfort of the mattress to meet his, his smirk only growing even more. The forward waisted no time baring the both of your of your bottoms, creating a new pile of clothes, now in his bedroom instead of the living room. 

As the morning hours rolled in, the two of you gave your everything to the other, your bodies, your wants, your heart. It was like you were back to last year, one of the happiest times of your life, spending each second that you could with the love of your life. 

It was like April never happened, you had been stuck in time in March, the familiar sent of his cologne filling your nose as you feel asleep in his arms, your head tucked into his chest as his arms wrapped around your figure protectively, scared that you’d disappear and he’d lose all over again. In that moment, you felt true happiness in months, all the heartbreak and tears the boy had caused being forgotten by your undying love for him. 

He was yours again, well at least for the night, but you didn’t want it to be just for tonight. You wanted him to be yours forever and always, you didn’t want to go back to how you were mere hours before, heartbroken and hung-up on the boy of your dreams. You had him right there, in your arms, and you weren’t ready to let go, not again. You lost him once, and you weren’t about to lose him twice. 

At that moment, you decided that whatever happened when the two of you woke up, no matter how hard Trevor tried, or didn’t, to tell you to just forget it even happened, that it’d be best if the two of you didn’t see each other again, you weren’t gonna let him slip out of your grip without a fight like last time. You didn’t care if it took him days, or weeks to understand that there’s not other man you’d rather be with, having already decided that if you couldn’t have him, you were the spend the rest of your life alone. But, you needed him to understand that he was perfect for you, and that he was all you ever wanted. 

Maybe he’ll never be yours again, but you’ll always be his.

Oh, yes, I know that he’s my ex

Can’t two people reconnect? 

My brain goes, “Ah”

Can’t hear my thoughts

“Morning!” The Zegras boy exclaimed as you walked into his living room the next morning, well almost afternoon. All he was wearing was a plain pair of grey sweatpants, his boxer peaking over his waistband slightly. You had allowed yourself to dig through his closet, finding the pair of sweatpants and hoodie that were yours for most of the relationship before leaving his bedroom. 

“Hi.” You whispered as you sat down on his couch. The boy sent you a small smile before throwing one of his arm on the back of the couch, something he always did. 

“I just ordered breakfast, got you the same always.” 

“Thank you.” You responded, and then a silence settled between the two of you as a news channel played on the TV. “How’s your head?” 

“Huh?” 

“You… you looked like you drank a lot last night.” You mumbled, keeping your eyes focused on the TV as you felt his looking at you. 

“‘M fine. Had a little headache when I woke up, but I took an advil.” He answered, his eyes still looking at you as you nodded. “This is the part where you tell me we need to talk, isn’t it?” He added after a couple of seconds, another nod coming from you. He had a feeling about what you were about to say, and it wasn’t something he wanted to hear. 

He had spent the whole morning prepping himself mentally to not break down if the words “mistake” and “forgot” left your mouth, telling himself he couldn’t just believe you’d come back after how he ended things previously. One of his solutions was avoiding eye contact, so he looked at the same place as you did, straight ahead. 

“I get, I get that opening up and talking about things like insecurities is hard, Trev. It’s scary, you think people will judge you or making fun of you, of use it against you, trust me I know how it feels, but when you’re in a relationship with someone, that’s the kind of you stuff you can’t just hid from them. Especially if it makes you want to break up with them. That’s what I am here for, I am a safe space, Trev, nothing you tell me about how you feel or how you think will ever make me see you differently. 

I love everything about you, Trevor, every little flaws about you just make me love you even more than I already do. To me, you’re perfect, Trevor. Everything about you is perfect to me, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, you’re the one for me, I know you are. And I get that hearing people say that you’re not good enough for me can be hard, but trust me when I saw, you’re perfect for me.” You stated. 

His heart dropped as your words filled his ears, in a good way of course. You remembered, even though you were drunk, you still remembered his confession from the previous night. Just as he was about to say something, the doorbell rang and he quick to push himself off the couch, but before he could take a step, your hand gripped his. His head turned to look at you, only when his gaze met yours, tears were pooling in your eyes. 

“Don’t runaway again, Trev, please.” You begged, your voice shaky and broken. You knew him, if he walked away right now, your conversation would never continue, he’d come back in the living room and pretend that it never happened, he’d runaway from it instead of facing it, just like he did last time. He hesitated for a bit, your eyes staying locked together, before he nodded slightly and sat back down. 

“It hurts. When people say all those things about me not being good enough for you, or that you could do so much better than me. I hate it.” He admitted, his eyes looking down at the floor, your hand still gripping his as you moved closer. 

“Trev, look at me.” You said, and when his head didn’t move, you grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at you. His eyes were watering as he blinked repeatedly, trying to hold his tears in. “I don’t care what people say about us, you’re way more than enough for me, and yeah, maybe I could do better, but I don’t want better, I want you.” 

“Maybe you could do better?” He questioned, a little confused as to why you would chose to say that to him. 

“Someone that doesn’t have only three functioning brain cells.” You joked, making the boy laugh a little. 

“You love it.” 

“I do. I really do, Trevor. Everything about, all your flaws and everything, I love.” You spoke, your voice soft and low. Your hand that previously grabbed his chin now cupping his cheek, a soft smile appearing on his face. 

“I am sorry.” He said as a tear fell from his eyes, which you were quick to wipe away before wrapping both your arms around his neck, his going around your waist as you held each other close. 

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, love.” You whispered in his ear, only making his smile grow wider. In that moment, he realized that no matter issue he was dealing with, either from hockey or his personal life, you’d always be there for him, just like he always wanted to be there for you. 

“Girlfriend?” He asked, making you pull your head away from his neck, but keeping your arms around him. 

“Boyfriend.” You confirmed with a wide smile on your face, an identical ones plastered on Trevor’s face before the two of you leaned in and your lips locked together. Unlike all your kissed from the previous night, this one was slow and full of love. It wasn’t a quick, rushed and hungry one, no, it was one that only true lovers shared. 

Thoughts

Blah

Thoughts

Blah 

To say your mom was excited when you told her the news that you and Trevor were back together would be an understatement. A loud squeal came from the speaker of your phone, making you pull your phone away from your ear quickly as Trevor sent you a weird look. Before you even had time to say anything else to her, she hung out, claiming she had to go tell the good news to your father. 

As for your friends, they were a little iffy about the situation, scared that the boy would break your heart once again, but eventually, they came around, realizing how in love the two of you were. 

Trevor no longer ran away from his insecurities, now confronting them and talking about them with you, something you were extremely grateful for. All of his friends were over the moon when they heard that you were back together, tired of always hearing the Zegras boy mop over you. 

As for you, you were the happiest you had ever been, everyday Trevor made sure to tell and show how much he loves and appreciates you, spoiling you with hugs and kisses.

 Your life was perfect again.

[tyttamarzh]

Just some late night thoughts.

For some reason January 21 is a special day in many ways for Missa Cubito…

21 de enero de 2023

Missa death in MCExtremo. In that series he had great character development, at first he was just a scared baby who didn't know the world, everyone had to take care of him, because with the slightest carelessness he would die (literally, they were distracted for a second and Missa looked at an ender and died, because he "did not know what it was"). He spent the first few days very scared, locked up at home, until after dying and reviving due to a bug, he decided that it was time to live that life to the fullest and decided to leave his crib and go out to face danger. He learned to fight being trained by none other than Spreen and Shadoune, learned to water bucket clutch with Rubius and became brave when facing mobs (sometimes recklessly). His new way of approaching life scared Q (it even cost him a life to him to this one) but for Missa it was very effective, because after losing practically 3 lives in 2 days being a scared guy, he managed to survive until day 5 with his brave attitude (even if he survived that day, he was able to reach the final) he was so full of confidence when fighting and decided that now that he was no longer the smallest of the team he was going to protect his friends, especially Q, who was the fearful one of the group now… and that's how he took too many risks and ended up dying, being something very shocking not only for his team but for everyone in the series and for the viewers, really, Twitter was flooded with fanarts and people crying about his death (even Missa said that an aunt called him because she thought something had happened in the real life).

That was very important because before that series almost no one knew Missa Cubito, he was just "the guy who died too quickly in Dedsafio" or "The funny guy who hopefully managed to get too far in siqud craft games". But in those 5 days (5 days of consecutive streams, it was heaven for the missaurios), he won over the internet with the story of his growth and death (Even today people say that the best thing about that series was having the "team vacio legal" and Missa was the heart of that team). I think that was the moment when Missa cubito separated from Missa Youtuber and became her own character.

But that was a sad day, because that day Missa Cubito lost the first family he had found.

This was the moment he died, fighting like a warrior:

January 21, 2024

Llegamos al día de hoy.

Missa wakes up in the QSMP prison and reunites with his family, it was the first time that Missa, Philza and Chayanne were together at the same time since April. Not only that, but he now officially adopts Tallulah as his daughter. Despite the adverse circumstances, his family has finally been reunited and grown (although Missa already considered Tallulah his daughter, now it is official and she calls him dad).

Despite being another universe, Missa is still the kind boy who wins everyone's hearts. Missa behaved politely with the guards, being mannerly when referring to them by saying "please and thank you" and greeting everyone very kindly.

He was very nice with the eggs, even with the ones he didn't know, and he refused to hit Dapper even though he was hitting him, Missa just said: "I'm never going to hit you or do anything to hurt you."

Missa was very happy to spend time with Phil, when he spent a long time losing sight of him, he would ask where he was and look for him.

The moment of the kiss (or the kisses) was something WTF I really didn't think that one day they would kiss and definitely I imagined many scenaries, but in no way I believed it would be that way, but that's what makes it special. They are not an ordinary couple, whether platonic or whatever they called it, whatever they have is special and I guess that was a special way for it to happen. Phil probably would never have dared to ask him to kiss him in another context and that's fine, because it seems like that would be the only way for it to happen (even if they both wanted it, I don't think it would have happened in another context).

It is worth mentioning that the moments of Philza being jealous and him reaffirming that he was married and being loyal to him was something I really didn't expect. After so much time apart, they still have that unique dynamic.

The day in prison was filled with so many things, but I can say that for the first time in a long time, Missa felt fully loved, not only by being with his children and his husband, but also by all those friendly interactions he was with others and that he could not have before on the island, because the first days he was extremely shy and did not separate himself from Roier and the friends he knew and after he only connected sporadically, meeting Foolish, BBH and rarely Philza.

Something curious that Missa Himself mentioned was that the previous times he was with Phil it was more of "ohh I miss you" but they didn't amount to anything more and today he was very happy because they were able to hang out together and do more things bonding with his family.

When he and Chay freed the turtle it was adorable, then the 4 of them doing the tasks, that was a unique moment and he was very happy singing for his family (being so nervous that he forgot the words to his own songs).

His bond with Phil strengthened and they didn't have to do much, that simple moment of the two of them talking about tacos and memes was something very cozy that they needed to do a long time ago. Just as the moment when they took the children for a walk with the llamas was something so sweet for this family that they almost forgot that they were in a prison, because it seemed more like a picnic in the park.

It really was a great advance, probably what happened today will help Missa a lot to grow and leave his self-esteem problems behind. He is important, he is loved and he is useful to his family.

Missa was a trend today, as it was last year, but the big difference is that this was a happy day because somehow, today he got his family back, that big family that he hadn't had in a long time and that he wanted so much and deserved.

The parallel of how he left today:

He is happy, laughing with his husband and children :')

[missmoonfrost]

A good day - a wolfstar microfic

April 5 - Bookshop AU - 811 words

@wolfstarmicrofic

Remus was having a good day. He’d chosen to spend a free afternoon and some well-earned money in his favorite bookstore. Having picked up a few books he'd decided on beforehand he was now peacfuly browsing. As he moved from English classics to international ones, a man in skinny black jeans and a black leather jacket was blocking his way. Remus didn't mind waiting. In fact, he could watch an arse as fit as that all day.

"Keep looking, I'm cute, I know."

"No, I... I'm not..." Remus stuttered, "I'm waiting to look at the books behind you."

"Sorry, I didn’t realise."

The stranger immediately stepped aside, giving Remus full access to the shelves, but staying close by. Remus found his eyes dancing over the titles without taking in what they said. His mind was fully occupied with the annoyingly good-looking, and apparently well aware, man behind him.

"Sorry, were you not done? I'll let you finish."

"No", the stranger dragged his finger through bouncing black waves with an exasperated smile "I'm looking for a gift for my little brother, but it's seeming more impossible the more I look. I was actually hoping to see what you'd choose. You look like a guy with good taste."

Remus chuckled nervously and hid the covers of the books he was holding against his side. He wouldn't call cheap romance novels good taste, even if he loved reading them.

"What does he like then?"

"Everything? I don't know. He loves to read, though. And he likes real books. Hardcovers."

Like any sane person. Not much to go by.

"Hm. How old is he?"

"He's 21. Just two years younger than me. You'd think we'd be close, but... it's complicated."

That meant Remus and the stranger were both 23. Which of course didn't mean anything. Remus just found himself liking it.

"You're not giving me much to work with here. But something clearly brought you to the international classics?"

"Well, our parents are kind of racist and I guess I wanted to show him..."

Remus stared into pearl-grey eyes and couldn't help guessing: "That you're not the same?" because he couldn’t be, right? Not if he was trying so hard to find a gift for a brother he was for some reason not on the best of terms with. Not with these breathtakingly beautiful eyes.

The stranger nodded, but still corrected: "That I know he's not the same."

"Yeah? Well…” Remus worked hard to focus on something useful, “what about The Book Thief? Not a classic per se, buts it’s about the love of reading, and set in Nazi Germany.”

"Sounds perfect.”

“Really? I think I saw it over there, I can show you the way.”

The stranger held out his hand as for him to lead the way. And smiled when Remus pulled out a copy and put it in his hands.

"Thank you. May I see what you've picked?"

Remus hesitated. But the stranger had been generously opening up about family matters in their just a few minutes of conversation. And Remus would most likely never meet him again. He might as well return the generosity.

"All right. This is the last two books in a series called The Seven Sisters. The dialogue is a bit over the top, like little girls having a tea party and pretending to sound like adults, but I enjoy the stories and the historical settings."

The stranger smiled. "Sounds like the kind of book he'd claim not to like, then buy the rest of the series in secret.”

Remus showed the way again. He had to turn around several times to assure himself that the good-looking stranger was actually following. Not only was he taking Remus' advice, he asked interested questions and listened carefully as Remus told him more and more about books he read and wanted to read.

The stranger who didn’t feel like a stranger anymore eventualy decided he was done. Remus slowly and reluctantly led their way to the counter. He didn’t want their brief meeting to be over, but he couldn’t force more books on the poor man, could he?

“Thank you for helping me out”, he said and turned to put his books down on the counter.

“It was nothing.”

He turned back at Remus with a smile that made his knees go weak. “No, really. I appreciate it. You didn’t have to walk me around. Especially after I embarrassed you first, accusing you of staring at my butt.”

Remus felt his cheeks heat. The teasing smile widening on the man’s lips told him he understood the accusation wasn’t entirely false.

He finally held out his hand. “I’m Sirius.”

“I’m Remus.”

“Remus”, he tasted the name, “may I buy you a coffee after this?"

"Yeah. Yes. That’d be lovely. Yes,” he rambled, unable to conceal his excitement.

Remus was having a good day indeed.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Five Fics Friday: Year Four Masterpost

Hurrah!! I've made it FOUR YEARS OF UNINTERRUPTED FIC RECS every SINGLE Friday!! It's something I'm super proud of for this blog, and I couldn't do it without you guys!!

For anyone who is new to my blog, every SINGLE Friday I post up 5 fics recently added to either my Marked for Later list or my Bookmarks, or as a way to promote new fics suggested to me by authors as a Signal Boosted fic! I haven't missed a single Friday since its inception in 2019, and it's still going strong!! It's the ONLY guaranteed weekly list on this blog, since YOU GUYS provide me the content!! :D I love doing it, and it makes authors feel loved :)

So, as we begin YEAR FIVE for 5FF on September 29, 2023, let's look back on ALL the fics that got us here! Everyone please go give every fic on these lists some love, and I hope that you will stick with me for another year of Fic Recs!

There are over ONE THOUSAND (1,000) fics on the lists below, and that DOESN'T count the bonus extended lists I do once in awhile!!!

So do enjoy! Should keep y'all busy for the long haul!

PREVIOUS YEARS (2019 to 2022):

YEAR ONE MASTERPOST (Sept 29/19 to Sept 25/20)

YEAR TWO MASTERPOST (Sept 25/20 to Sept 24/21)

YEAR THREE MASTERPOST (Oct 1/21 to Sept 23/22)

YEAR 4 OF FIVE FICS FRIDAY:

September 30/22

October 7/22

October 14/22

October 21/22

October 28/22

November 4/22

November 11/22

November 18/22

November 25/22

December 2/22

December 9/22

December 16/22

December 23/22

December 30/22

January 6/23

January 13/23

January 20/23

January 27/23

February 3/23

February 10/23

February 17/23

February 24/23

March 3/23

March 10/23

March 17/23

March 24/23

March 31/23

April 7/23

April 14/23

April 21/23

April 28/23

May 5/23

May 12/23

May 19/23

May 26/23

June 2/23

June 9/23

June 16/23

June 23/23

June 30/23

July 7/23

July 14/23

July 21/23

July 28/23

August 4/23

August 11/23

August 18/23

August 25/23

September 1/23

September 8/23

September 15/23

September 22/23

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 21

When someone you dread comes to the QZ, Joel takes matters into his own hands. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-20 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Description of past SA, PTSD response, torture. No use of Y/N. 18+ only, minors DNI!

Length: 7.2k

Friday, April 17, 2015 - Four Years Later 

“So you’re not going to be Dr. And Mr… Fuck, what was his name again?” Andrew snapped off a bite of jerky. 

“His first name was Simon,” you said. “I’m not actually sure if I ever got his last name.” 

“So you’re not going to be Dr. And Mr. what’s-his-name why?” 

“Because he had a weird problem with the fact that he’d sometimes have to share a bed with my best friend,” you shrugged. 

Jess groaned. 

“He was fine with it at first when he assumed the best friend had a vagina and he thought he could finagle a three way out of it,” you said, taking a drink of water. “Got a little less OK with it when I said the name Andrew…” 

“You guys don’t even do that much anymore!” Jess said. You and Andrew both looked at her for a moment. She sighed. “You do that every time I go outside the QZ don’t you.” 

“It’s like you don’t know me at all,” Andrew kissed her temple. She sighed, leaning into him. 

“Almost like he’s attached to his wife and has a hard time coping when she’s out dealing with the end of the world,” you said. “He’s just strange that way…” 

She rolled her eyes. 

“Who knew I’d be a part of the codependency club…. Well, hopefully now that the new batch of guards are coming in they won’t need me as much,” she sighed. “They’re supposed to be getting a few other people who are equipped to go help with field psych evaluations with this bunch…” 

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Andrew muttered. “They’re only after muscle, they don’t give a shit about anything else.” 

“Isn’t this group supposed to be pretty big, though?” You asked. “We’ve got Marta coming in to help with processing for health screenings in like an hour…” 

“You say that like it’s not going to just be more goons,” Andrew said. “With all the shit that’s going on… There was a shoot out just a few blocks away the other day. FEDRA’s losing their grip.” 

“They ever bug the clinic break room we’re going to be next on the executioner’s block,” you muttered. 

“Makes me nervous, talking about this stuff here,” Jess said. “No one likes it but…” 

You were quiet for a minute. 

“Any other dates coming up soon?” Jess changed the subject. “I still liked Sean…” 

“He did stick around for a bit,” Andrew nodded. “He lasted, what, four months?” 

“Yup,” you nodded. “I liked him, too. But, you know…” 

They didn’t respond. They didn’t need to. Sean had said “I love you” and had expected to hear it back. You just weren’t comfortable lying to him. He didn’t stick around long after that. 

“Nothing on the books yet,” you shrugged. “We’ll see what happens.” 

“You’re just going to end up fucking Tommy again,” Jess narrowed her eyes at you. 

“Yeah, I don’t know if I should be proud of you for figuring out how to have casual sex or if I should be frustrated with you figuring out how to do it with just one person,” Andrew said. You glared at him. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s very on brand for you…” 

“Hey,” you cut him off. “Why are we talking about my sex life? I don’t get to talk about your sex life…” 

“Ours is boring,” Jess shrugged. “Yours is way more fun.” 

You weren’t sure if fun was quite the word you’d use for it. 

Yes, you’d managed to branch out a bit since your split with Tommy. It took a few months but, when a guy in line for rations had asked if you wanted to hang out sometime, you’d said yes. Sure, you ended up having nothing in common with him but it was a start. Something you were now comfortable doing. Now you were having dates somewhat regularly. Even if you weren’t always sure you understood the point of it. 

You’d only been broken up with Tommy a few months when he showed up at your door late one night, just before curfew. You were already in bed when he knocked on your door. You frowned. Even months later, you recognized the knock. You all but jumped out of bed and tore the door open. 

“Hey Kid,” he gave you his signature, cocky smile. His bicep was bloody. 

“Of course you’re bleeding,” you sighed, opening the door. He smiled sheepishly but came inside. “You’re always fucking bleeding.”

He sat on your bed where he always had as you’d stitched him up and shrugged out of his shirt, hissing as the fabric passed over the cut on his arm. You gathered the supplies and turned on enough lights that you could see what the fuck you were doing. 

“Who’d you piss off this time?” You asked, cleaning the knife wound. It was jagged. 

“The usual,” he said. “Believe it or not, this isn’t how I wanted to see you again…” 

“Weird that you still go out and get into trouble then,” you muttered, checking the wound before starting to suture. 

“I’ve been thinking about coming by, saying hi for a few weeks,” he said. “Missed you. Weird not seein’ ya all the time. This was just… the push I needed.” 

“Everyone else OK?” You asked, glancing up at him. 

“Fine,” he said. “Tess made it out unscathed. Joel’s leg is better. He just got decked in the face this time out, which he probably deserved for somethin’ else stupid he’s done lately.” 

You laughed a bit at that. 

“Probably did.” 

By the time you’d stitched him up, it was past curfew. 

“I can take the couch,” he said, but you waved him off. 

“We shared a bed for a year,” you replied. “Just shower first, you’re gross.” 

You were reading when he climbed into bed beside you. 

“Kind of a weird place to ask it but, think we could be friends?” He said. “Meant it when I said I missed you. Don’t expect anything else but I’d like to be friends.” 

You looked at him for a second, the shadow of familiar longing in you. You ignored it. 

“I’d like to be friends, too.” 

And you were just friends, for a while. It took some adjustment but you liked Tommy as a friend. He was funny, he shared a lot of the concerns you had about FEDRA and what was going on in the world, he was unfailingly kind. 

A few weeks after you broke up with Sean, the two of you were sitting on your couch, watching a movie Tommy had found on his last trip outside the QZ, Cruel Intentions, something you’d never bothered to see before. You liked it well enough but the sex scenes… you hadn’t had sex since the split with Sean. The scenes were making you fidget on the couch, rearranging yourself to try to get some kind of relief from the ache between your legs. 

The movie finally, mercifully, ended and Tommy looked at you. 

“Proposition,” he said. 

“Shoot.” 

“We have sex.” You raised your eyebrows, he pressed on. “As friends. We’ve already done it, I have a good time, you have a good time…” 

“You’ve just got a one track mind,” you rolled your eyes at him. 

“No,” he said. “I can just tell when you’re turned on and I’m tryin’ to be a gentleman.” 

You glared at him. 

“No strings, no pesky feelings, just sex when we both want it,” he said. “That’s it.” 

You thought for a second. Could you do that? You supposed the last time you’d had sex with Joel it had been just sex. You’d kind of hoped it would be more but you knew that it wouldn’t be. 

“Just sex?” You asked. 

“Just sex,” he nodded. 

Just sex with Tommy turned out to be pretty damn fun. It wasn’t something you did all the time but it was enough to you from being too focused on the sex part on the rare occasions you did try to date someone new. It was easy enough to cut off when he found someone he was interested in or you did and easy enough to fall back into when you were both single again. 

It was during one of the “just sex” periods that Tommy brought you to meet some of his… friends. 

He’d just gotten back from a smuggling run and had a pack full of stuff when he showed up at your door with a broken finger. 

“Figured why try to fix it myself,” he teased you. You just rolled your eyes and let him in. 

“So I’ve been thinking,” he said slowly as you set his finger. You just raised your eyebrows at hm. “I’ve got to run this stuff to a meeting tomorrow night. You should come.” 

“What kind of meeting?” You frowned. 

“Just some like minded folk,” he shrugged. 

“You’re being awfully cagey, Miller,” you said. He shrugged again. You smirked a little. “I’m not going to a swingers club with you…” 

“Damn, killing all my dreams here, Kid,” he teased back. 

The next night, he came by the clinic as you were finishing, the pack on his back, and led you across town to a building that FEDRA hadn’t done anything with yet. 

Your body tensed. It reminded you of being outside the QZ, like a clicker or a raider was going to jump you at any second. 

“You’re OK,” he said quietly, leading you down a hall. There was a firefly insignia painted on the wall where he turned.

“Tommy,” you hissed. “Are you mixed up in…” 

“Just listen to what they have to say,” he said quickly. “It’s not what you think.” 

“Don’t know what the hell kind of death wish you have,” you muttered. He ignored you. 

The meeting was informal. It was Tommy, a handful of other people and a woman named Marlene who seemed to be running things. They didn’t seem to want to talk openly with you there, but they seemed to have enough understanding of whatever the fuck it was they were doing to not need to say much explicitly. Something told you that Tommy had mentioned bringing you along before. 

After the meeting, you hung back with Tommy and waited until Marlene was alone. 

“This is the friend I told you about,” he said, nodding at you. Marlene looked you over. 

“So you’re the doctor,” she said. 

“So they tell me.” 

“Tommy says you’re doing some research,” she said. You glanced at him. “I’d be curious to learn more.” 

“Not a lot to say at the moment,” you shrugged. “I’m trying to use some preexisting research on slowing the growth of fungal infections to see if I can develop a way to stop cordycep progression after transmission. Like an emergency injectable or, maybe someday, a vaccine. So we can have time to excise or amputate the infected tissue. I haven’t found anything that works yet, though.” 

“What if you thought a little bigger,” Marlene said. 

“Bigger.” 

“Bigger,” she nodded. “Bigger like a cure. Like it doesn’t matter if you’re bitten beyond needing some stitches. Bigger like we get our fucking planet back.” 

You laughed for a moment before you realized that she was being serious. 

“You’re talking about developing a cure for cordyceps,” you looked at her. 

“I am,” she said. “And I’d like your help. You don’t have to only develop what FEDRA wants…” 

“FEDRA barely tolerates the work I’m doing now,” you scoffed. “I’m not developing this for them, I started doing this on my own and my boss was willing to let me use some facilities to do it in…” 

“But a cure…” 

“A cure is so far beyond unlikely,” you said. “We have nothing to build a cure off of. Right now, I’m looking for a bandaid…” 

“Bandaids don’t do much for bullet holes,” she replied. 

“When you’re the one patching people up, you come talk to me about bandaids,” you snapped. “Until then, let the professionals handle it.” 

She laughed darkly. 

“Didn’t think you’d be such a supporter of FEDRA,” she said. 

“I’m not,” you replied. “I’m just a realist. I wish FEDRA just didn’t exist but they do and we’re stuck in the reality we’re stuck in. I’m not going to sit here and wait for some magical cure to manifest, I’m going to work with what I have and try to do what I can to make it better.” 

She considered you for a moment. 

“If your research pans out,” she said. “Would you consider sharing the formula with us?” 

“Yes,” you said. “Of course. I plan to give it to anyone who asks for it. A hope for survival shouldn’t be a tool for power, I don’t intend on just giving it to FEDRA to leverage as they see fit.” 

“We have a lab,” she said. “Out west. We could provide you all the support you’d need…” 

“No,” you shook your head. “No, I’m not going out there with infected and raiders if I can help it. And my life is here. My friends are here, the clinic, the kids at the school… I’m not going anywhere.” 

She sighed. 

“Well, Tommy knows how to reach me,” she said. “If you change your mind. Which I hope you do. You would be an asset to our mission.” 

Tommy walked you back to your place in silence. He stopped outside your door and you just sighed. 

“You’re being an idiot with them,” you said. “Don’t let it get you killed.” 

You doubted he listened to you.

Marta poked her head into the break room. 

“Just got word from the front gate,” she said. “They’re heading our way.” 

“That’s my cue,” Jess said, getting up and stealing a kiss from Andrew. “See you when you get home. Try not to wear yourself out.” 

“I make no promises,” he said. She rolled her eyes, waved by to you, and left. 

Andrew looked at you. 

“Ready to get fucked by FEDRA?” He asked. 

“Sounds like your average Friday to me,” you replied, cracking your neck, downing the rest of your water and heading to the exam area. 

Things went smoothly at first. Marta and Andrew divided the men up, each of them handling intake for half of the 100 or so troops FEDRA was sending in from other QZs and training facilities. Then, the men went back to the exam area where you and the other doctors and nurses did quick exams and sent them on their way. You were on your 14th exam when you knocked once on the exam room door and went inside, without paying much mind to the name on the chart. “Hello,” you said, opening the file. “I’m…” 

“I remember you.” 

You looked up. Your stomach clenched. You had to swallow to keep from vomiting. Your heart pounded. Your hands shook. It took everything you had to not run. 

You looked down at the file in your trembling hands, skipping over the first name and going to the last, even though it was burned in your memory, just like his face. 

McCarthy. 

“Always wondered if you’d made it through,” he smirked at you. “You look good, hardly know it’d been 12 years. How old were you then?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” your throat was dry. “I’m just here to do a quick exam.” 

“Oh, c’mon now, I know what we had was more memorable than that,” he said, looking you up and down. Your stomach turned. “Know it was for me. You had… Well let’s just say, been looking for a girl to measure up since.” 

“I just need to take some vitals,” you managed, getting the blood pressure cuff off the wall. 

You barely remembered taking his vitals. Everything sounded like a high pitched whine, you could hardly hear or register anything he said. You were hyper aware of the feel of everything in your body, of every blood vessel, every muscle, every function. Breathing took conscious effort. So did blinking, swallowing. All you wanted to do was throw up. 

After what felt like an eternity, you stepped back from him. 

“You’re all set, Officer McCarthy,” you said. 

“Have to look you up now that I’ll be in town,” he smirked. “Good to know that I can just start here.” 

You knew your eyes must look like dinner plates, so wide and afraid. He seemed to like that. 

“See you around, Doc.” 

He winked, closing the door behind him. The second he was out of the room, you locked the door and doubled over the trashcan, throwing up. Your body just rejected everything you’d eaten that day, coughing and choking in its rush to expel it. 

You’d spent the last 12 years pretending that McCarthy didn’t exist. That it had never happened. When he came to mind, you tried to shove the thoughts down, tried to avoid them, deny that there was anything to think about to begin with. 

You rinsed your mouth out in the sink and tried to keep your tears under control before you rushed out of the exam room to find Dr. Lee. 

Thankfully, he was just stepping out of an exam room when you did. 

“Lee,” you said quickly. “I need you to cover for me, I have to go home.” 

He groaned. 

“Come on, we’re slammed…” 

“I know,” you said, looking up at him. “But how often do I ask to go home early? I have to go home, I can’t…” 

He looked at you and frowned. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Get out of here.” 

You all but sprinted for the door and out into the sun. You took moment when you got outside, doubling over with your hands on your knees to catch your breath before starting your walk home. You needed to curl up under your blanket, feel safe in your own space. It seemed like you might snap in half if you didn’t. You’d just started to calm down, to get your heart to stop racing, when McCarthy stepped out from an alley and grabbed your wrist, pulling you back down it with him. 

You froze as he put your back against the wall, his arms caging you in. 

“Now I know you remember me, pretty thing,” he smirked. “I’m the guy who saved your life, the lives of those kids you were with, you wouldn’t forget a guy like me…” 

“You have me confused with someone else,” you could barely talk. He ran his nose over your cheek, smelling you. 

“Bet you still feel the same,” he said. “Bet I could find out…” 

“Please,” you choked. “I just…” 

“Hey!” 

Suddenly McCarthy’s body was pulled away from yours and Joel was in front of you. 

“The fuck is this?” He asked, facing McCarthy. Your hand went to your chest, clutching the fabric of your shirt, desperate to get your heart to slow down. “Because it looked an awful lot like you were hasslin’ this girl.” 

“No trouble,” he said. “Just… an old friend. We go way back, all the way back to the outbreak. Don’t we, Sugar?” 

Joel looked over his shoulder to you but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. 

“Get the fuck out of here,” Joel snapped. “Catch you botherin’ her again you’ll regret it.” 

“Careful who you talk to,” McCarthy tried to step up to him, but Joel had several inches on him. “Probably don’t want to piss off a FEDRA officer.” 

“I don’t give a shit who I piss off,” he growled. “Get the fuck out.” 

He stood there and watched him go before he turned to you. 

“Hey, Baby,” he said gently, reaching for you. You flinched back, your stomach turning. 

“Please don’t touch me,” you managed. 

“I just want to help…” he began but you cut him off. 

“I know,” you said. “But just… don’t touch me, please don’t touch me, just don’t touch me…” 

“Won’t touch you,” he said, hands up. “Promise.” 

You nodded quickly, trying to not hyperventilate. 

“Want to talk about it?” He asked, standing close enough that he could catch you if you fell, far enough that you didn’t feel like you needed to cower away from him. You managed to shake your head. “Want me to get someone? Like Andrew or Jess or… I could get Tommy.”

You just shook your head again, holding onto the wall, trying desperately to ground yourself. Joel hovered, watching you. 

“I’ll be fine,” you glanced up at him. “You don’t need to stay…” 

“Not going to just leave you here like this,” he said, voice gruff. “Especially if you won’t tell me why.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” you said, standing up straight and leaning back against the wall. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes and focusing on your diaphragm, pushing it low in your stomach to draw as much air into your lungs as you could. You breathed out slowly. 

“You left work early for it,” he said. You lifted your head off the wall and opened your eyes, looking at him. He shrugged. “I try to stay away from you. Usually safe over here right now.” 

You scoffed a little. 

“Didn’t know I made it unsafe for the big bad smuggler,” you tried to smile but you weren’t sure that it worked. Judging from Joel’s expression, it didn’t. “Really, it’s fine. I’m just going to go home, have a drink, put on some music. Maybe take a bath. I’m fine.” 

“Who was the asshole?” He asked. 

You winced. 

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Joel,” you said. “I just really don’t, OK? Please don’t make me. And please don’t say anything to anyone about it, I’d just rather pretend this never happened, OK?” 

“Tell me who he is and I’ll drop it,” he said. “Won’t tell anyone.” 

You searched his face for a moment. 

It had been a long time since you’d been this close to Joel. Probably since the night you’d walked him back to the QZ with his broken leg. 

It hadn’t been as complete of a shut out as the year before, at least. Not this time. You’d occasionally bumped into him when out running errands. He’d give you a nod of acknowledgement, which was better than you’d really expected. He’d come into the clinic once - you saw him in the waiting room - but Andrew put him with another doctor. You’d even seen him once at his apartment. You’d come by when Tommy said to meet him there, he’d said not to worry about Joel. But Joel came home as you stood in his living room, waiting for Tommy to grab the last of whatever it was he needed for whatever it was you were going to do - you’d since forgotten all that, too distracted by seeing Joel. He’d just stood there for a second, frozen, looking at you. You’d smiled tightly at him. He just went to his room, brushing past Tommy on his way by. 

His hair was starting to gray, but otherwise, he looked the same as he had for as long as you’d known him. His picture was still on your bedside table. You slipped it into a drawer if you were having Tommy over or you were seeing someone but outside of that, you had a reminder of what he looked like before beside you all the time. It still killed you to look at him, made your heart ache with missing him and who he was to you once. 

In spite of everything that had happened between you, you didn’t think he would hurt you on purpose. 

“I don’t know his first name,” you said, looking down at his feet. “His last name is McCarthy.” 

You managed to look back at his face. 

“Please, Joel,” you begged. “Don’t tell anyone, please don’t tell anyone. I just want to pretend like it never happened and I can’t… if people know I…” 

You were starting to hyperventilate again. You closed your eyes and forced yourself to take a deep breath and hold it for a moment before releasing it slowly. You looked back at Joel. 

“I’ll do just about whatever you want, just please don’t tell anyone,” you said quietly. 

“Won’t tell anyone,” he said. 

You nodded, relieved. 

“I’m walkin’ you home though,” he frowned. “In case that fucker shows up again.” 

You just nodded, not feeling up for fighting with him. You tried to gather yourself for a moment and then started off, Joel staying an almost awkward distance from you as you made your way through the QZ. Like he wanted to be close but not so close that he might risk accidentally touching you or have someone thinking you were walking anywhere together. He didn’t say anything, just looked over at you every minute or two like you were a bomb he was expecting to explode. 

“Thank you,” you said, stopping at the communal door to your building. “I appreciate your help with him. I wasn’t prepared for that, I will be now.” 

He just nodded gruffly. 

“It was…” you paused. “I don’t know if good to see you is the right word but… It was nice. Seeing you.” 

He paused, looking you over for a moment. 

“You too.” 

He crossed his arms, watching you. It took you a second to realize that he was waiting for you to go inside. You opened the door. 

“Night, Joel.” 

“Night, Kid.” 

***

Joel waited until you were inside to go lean against the building opposite yours, in an alcove where he was tucked away and largely out of sight. He was pretty certain this McCarthy fucker hadn’t followed you but he wasn’t about to take any chances. 

Whatever that asshole had done, it was bad. Joel had only ever seen you that horrified once, when a raider had his hand around your throat. The way you’d panicked when he’d reached for you… 

He ground his teeth. He needed to know what this man did to you so he could make sure it wouldn’t happen again. 

Joel stood sentry outside your apartment for hours. After the clinic closed, he saw Andrew go up, but he was only there for a few minutes. You must have lied to him, he doubted he would have left if you’d told him the truth of it. He waited until curfew was only minutes away and went home, making it inside just in time. 

“Out late,” Tommy observed, sitting on the couch. 

“Got held up,” he said. 

“Trade go bad?” He asked. 

“Turned out OK,” Joel replied. 

Tommy didn’t press. He wondered if you’d ever told Tommy whatever had happened. The two of you had stayed close after breaking up, you might have told him something you’d never told Joel… 

He could think of just one person who would almost certainly know. McCarthy had mentioned the outbreak. Andrew must know, must have some idea. 

Tommy went to bed but Joel stayed up. He’d told you that he wouldn’t tell anyone. You’d begged him not to tell anyone. But he needed to keep you safe and to do that, he needed to understand the threat. But what you didn’t know wouldn’t hurt you. 

The moment curfew lifted in the morning, Joel was out the door, walking quickly to Andrew’s. He had to pound on the door a few times and it took a few minutes for him to answer, looking half asleep. 

“Miller,” he said, stifling a yawn. “Thought I wouldn’t have to deal with your shit anymore.” 

“McCarthy,” Joel said quickly. “FEDRA guard. Name mean anything to you?” 

Andrew’s eyes went wide for a moment before he grabbed Joel by the shoulder and pulled him inside, closing the door behind him. 

“Where’d you hear that name,” he asked. He looked wide awake now. 

“Not important,” Joel said. “Who is he. What’d he do to her.” 

“He here?” Andrew growled. 

“Tell me what he did.” 

He looked Joel up and down before he laughed darkly. 

“God, you never even tried with her, did you?” He asked. “To busy with your own shit so she never told you…” 

“What did he do.” 

Andrew glanced down the hall, making sure Jess was still asleep and looked back to Joel, his voice low. 

“He fucking raped her is what he did,” he spat. Joel’s stomach twisted. “She’s never called it that, she never calls it anything. She likes to pretend it never happened but that’s what it was.” 

“What happened.” Joel’s teeth were clenched. His whole body was coiled like a spring. He needed to hit something, the energy and rage needed to go somewhere. 

“We came to a check point,” Andrew said. “Two guards, both armed, three of us. I was a kid, I was 18 but I was a kid and Jessica… She was trying to take care of us. They had guns and he told her the way to get through, made it clear he’d start shooting if she didn’t listen. She gave me the gun, told me to protect Jessica, he took her to the woods… She never told me what happened, she never talked about it. She just came out different. I should have fucking killed him, I should have shot him the second she gave me the gun…” 

Joel felt like he was going to be sick. He’d left you. You’d been alone with two children and his child inside you and you’d been forced…

“Where is he?” Andrew snarled. “I’m going to rip him apart…” 

“One of us needs to be there for her and it can’t be me,” Joel replied. “Needs to be you. She trusts you. You take care of her, I’ll take care of him.” 

Andrew looked like he wanted to fight him for it but eventually he gave him just a single, stiff nod. Joel turned to leave before he turned back to him. 

“Pretend you don’t know,” he said. “Promised I wouldn’t say anything but… Couldn’t protect her if I didn’t know what I was protecting her from.” 

“When are you doing it?” Andrew asked. 

“Today,” he said. “I’m going to hers now, make sure he doesn’t show up. I’ll get her to work OK and take care of him, dump him somewhere tonight.” 

“He shows up at the fucking clinic and I’ll kill him,” Andrew said, his voice eerily calm. “I don’t give a shit.”

Joel nodded once. This was the first time he remembered ever really liking Andrew. He could leave you in his hands at the clinic and you would be safe, that he knew. 

He all but ran to your apartment, leaning against the building across from yours, waiting for you to come downstairs. He’d been waiting for about an hour when he spotted you. You’d French braided your hair, like you were expecting a long day. You hadn’t put on ribbons. 

He caught you quickly. 

“Good morning,” he said, falling into step beside you. You nearly jumped out of your skin. “Sorry, wasn’t tryin’ to scare you.” 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, frowning up at him. 

“Making sure you get to work safe,” he said. You clearly hadn’t slept, you looked exhausted. 

“I’m fine, really,” you said, continuing on. Joel walked beside you. You frowned at him again but didn’t argue the point. He walked you to the front door of the clinic in silence, you just giving him a tight smile and a small wave before going inside. Joel found a spot near the door he could wait, make sure McCarthy didn’t come in before Andrew got there. 

Andrew spotted him on his way in, stepping over to him and keeping his voice low. 

“He probably came in with the transfer guards that showed up yesterday,” he said quietly. 

“Temp housing,” Joel said. 

“Exactly,” Andrew replied. He looked Joel up and down. “Good luck, Miller.” 

With your friend on site, Joel finally felt safe leaving you. 

Moving to hurt the man who hurt you quickly eased the tightness in his chest. He may have failed you 12 years ago but he wasn’t going to fail you now. 

He went home and got supplies. He didn’t intend to make McCarthy’s death easy. He needed to make sure he had what he needed to make it worthwhile. 

Joel stood at the edge of the small market that was near the temporary housing for FEDRA employees. He figured McCarthy would need to come through here at some point. He was right. 

Shortly after noon, McCarthy came through the stands, pondering what there was to buy. Joel waited until precisely the right moment, reaching out and grabbing the man by his collar and pulling him into a darkened alleyway. He yelped but it wasn’t loud and it didn’t take the man long to recognize Joel. 

“You again,” he smirked. “Here to apologize?” 

“Here for information,” he growled. “What did you do to her.” 

“To who?” The man smirked challenging him. 

It was a dumb move. Joel was so mad he couldn’t see straight. He grabbed the man by the throat and thrust him into the wall, hard enough to make him cough and choke. 

“Tell me,” he demanded. 

Now, the man just looked scared. He punched McCarthy hard across the face, enough to knock him out, and slung him over his shoulder, moving quickly for the abandoned building he’d spotted earlier. 

He ducked inside, going for an interior room where his screams wouldn’t be heard. 

There was a chair in the room, and old folding one. He tied the man to the chair and smacked him to bring him around. 

“What the fuck?” He looked around, straining against his ties, his eyes wide. “You don’t know who you’re fucking with…” 

“I know exactly who I’m fucking with,” Joel said. “I think it’s you who doesn’t know.”

He pulled out his knife and took the second chair and pulled it up close to McCarthy’s, getting right in his face. 

“Tell me what you did to her,” Joel said. 

“Look,” he said quickly. “It was the outbreak…” 

Joel sighed, opening the knife and shoving it into the man’s thigh. He screamed, doubling over as well as he could given his bonds. Joel smiled. 

“You’re going to tell me what you did to her,” he said. “I want to know it all. Tell me what you did to her.” 

“Please,” he whimpering now. “I swear…” 

Joel pulled a pair of pliers from his pocket. He held McCarthy’s head still as the man started begging and pleading. It fell on deaf ears. He pressed the pliers around his one of his middle teeth and pulled. 

It felt good, expending energy this way. He was taking action, doing something. It didn’t even feel like he needed to pull that hard. 

McCarthy screamed, blood pouring from his mouth. Joel gave him a moment to catch his breath, watching him bleed. He liked his blood. He wanted to see more of it. 

“What did you do to her?” He asked through clenched teeth. 

“She wanted it!” He sobbed. 

“Wrong answer,” Joel ripped the knife from his leg and thrust it into his shoulder. The man screamed again. “What did you do to her.” 

“Took her into the woods!” He screamed, panting for breath. Joel gave him a minute to pant. He could wait. 

After a minute he spoke again. 

“How did you get her to the woods, McCarthy?” He asked. The man’s eyes glistened with tears. 

“I…” his voice cracked. “I told her I could give them a code to get through the other checkpoints in exchange…” 

“In exchange for what?” Joel patted the man’s knife wound on his leg. He cried out again. 

“In exchange for sex!” He cried out. “I told her I’d trade sex for safe passage, said I didn’t know the next time I’d see a woman, I didn’t want to waste it…” 

“Did you have a gun?” Joel asked. The man looked confused. He grabbed his face, holding his cheeks harshly in his fingers, forcing him to look at Joel. “When you told her you’d trade for sex, did you have a gun?” 

“Yes,” he sobbed. “Yes, I had a gun…” 

“So you threatened her,” he said. “You threatened her and the children she was with.” 

“No,” he man moaned. “That’s not… I swear, it wasn’t like that…” 

Joel sighed and pulled the knife from the man’s shoulder before he thrust it into his uninjured leg. McCarthy wailed. 

“I threatened her!” He panted, gasping. “I knew what I was doing, I wanted her and knew how I could get it so I threatened her…” 

“And you took her into the woods,” Joel said. The man nodded. “With your gun.” He nodded again. “What did you do then?” 

“Told her to get undressed,” he groaned. “Told her she had great tits… once she was naked, told her to lie down…” 

He choked and cried. Joel sighed, reaching over and smacking his face, forcing him to look at him. 

“Then what,” Joel’s voice was harsh. 

“I…” he swallowed. He looked terrified. “I got on top of her…” His voice broke. “Please….” 

“What. Next.” 

“I put my dick in her,” he groaned. He was crying now. “I fucked her…” 

“That’s not what you did, is it?” Joel grabbed his hair, holding his face close to his own. “Call it what it was McCarthy!” He screamed it. “What did you do to her!” 

“I raped her,” he sobbed it out. Joel released his hair. 

“Where’d you touch her,” he asked. He looked confused. “You touched her when you raped her, right? Where.” 

“Her chest,” he sniffed. “Hips, waist…”

Joel remembered the parts of you that made you freeze when he touched them, parts of you that never made you freeze before. He wasn’t sure you even knew you did it. Now he knew why.

“That it?” Joel asked. He nodded. “You cum in her?” 

“Please…” 

Joel pulled the knife from his leg. 

“You don’t seem to fucking get it,” he growled, getting in his face. “I like hurting you. I want to hurt you. I don’t need much reason to but you saying please? Makes me want to hurt you more. I want to fucking flay you alive every time I hear you beg. So answer the goddamn question,” Joel thrust the knife into McCarthy’s other shoulder. “Or I will do what I want.” 

“Yes!” He cried it out. “I did, I came in her…” 

Joel sat back, panting for breath for a moment, looking McCarthy up and down. He was covered in blood. He was weak, slumped over like he couldn’t hold himself up.  

Joel wasn’t done with him. 

“You know she was pregnant when you did that?” He asked. McCarthy lifted his head just enough to look at Joel. He shook his head. “Well, she was. With my kid.” 

He stood up, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows. 

“I wasn’t there to protect her then,” he said, flexing his fingers before curling them into fists. “But I am now. Can’t let you live with what you did, McCarthy. I have to kill you for her. But when I make it hurt? That’s for me.” 

He swung, punching him in the middle of his stomach, knocking the air out of him. 

“And I’m going to like it.” 

***

The clinic had been fairly quiet that day, quiet enough that your mind wandered to places you didn’t want it to. 

Andrew was no help. He was oddly withdrawn, only really responding when prompted, not initiating much conversation himself. But he didn’t fight you when you put on Joni Mitchell, so you were taking what you could get. You were dreading going home but didn’t have a reason to tell Andrew you wanted to sleep over, either. You were debating about how up front you wanted to be when there was yelling outside the clinic. 

“Help!” Someone screamed. You looked to Andrew for just half a second before running for the doors. 

Two FEDRA soldiers were hauling in a third man, holding him by his underarms and knees, the man’s body totally limp. He was so covered in blood you were almost certain he couldn’t still be breathing. 

“Jesus Christ,” you said before yelling over your shoulder. “Kristen! Trauma!” You turned your attention back to the men. “What happened?” 

“Don’t know,” one said. “Just found him like this, he transferred in with us there’s no way someone here hates him enough to do this yet…” 

“Let’s get him back,” you said, Kristen running up to you as you headed back toward the exam rooms and the surgical suite. “We need O-, a lot of it…” She glanced around you to the injured man.

“Not sure that’ll make a damn difference,” she said but she ran to obey. 

“We’ll start him in an exam room,” you said quickly. “Want to try to maintain a sterile area in the OR but I’m sure we’ll need it…” 

They carried him into the exam room and lifted him onto the table. You quickly washed your hands and gloved up before diving in, looking the man over. Kristen ran in with the O- and quickly hung it as you cleaned up a place on his arm to start a transfusion. 

“Do you even know who this is?” You asked the men who carried him in. The man’s face was beaten beyond any kind of recognition. His lower lip was barely hanging on, eyes swollen shut, nose crushed. 

“He had his dog tags,” one man said. “It’s Lewis McCarthy…” 

You froze, your stomach twisting. Your head spun. 

“Doc, I don’t think we can do much here,” Kristen said from McCarthy’s side. “He’s lost so much blood…” 

“We should try,” you said, on autopilot. You tried to find the worst injuries on the man. He was missing teeth. He’d been stabbed numerous times. His whole body was covered in blood and bruises, not a single inch of him left unscathed. You swallowed before pulling down his pants to see what might be on his legs when you saw it. 

“Oh my God,” you jumped back from the table and into Andrew, who’d come into the exam room at some point and you hadn’t noticed. He caught you. 

“What?” Kristen asked before looking herself. “Oh!”

She jumped back, too. 

Where McCarthy’s penis had been, there was nothing. Just an open wound. One of the men who brought him in gagged and ran for the trash can, throwing up. You stared at it, the place where the part of him he’d weaponized against you had been torn away. Andrew held onto you. 

“We’re losing him,” Kristen said, her hand on his neck. “Doc, I don’t think… there’s nothing we can do here, there’s nothing we can do with this.” 

You nodded, shaking as Andrew kept you upright. He looked to the men. 

“You should go,” he said. “Don’t need to see this.” 

They nodded, trembling as they left. 

“I’ll go get a bag,” Kristen said, staring wide eyed at him. “Stuff to start clean up…” 

She left you and Andrew alone with the body. 

“Andrew,” you whispered. “Did you talk to Joel?” 

“He had questions,” he said, voice flat. 

“Oh my God,” you stared at the body. “What did he do?” 

“The right thing,” he said, squeezing your shoulder. “The right fucking thing.” 

A/N: AHHHHHHH THE McCARTHY CHAPTER. I've been waiting for Joel to go off on him since chapter 8 and we finally got here. So satisfying to write, hopefully satisfying to read!

There is a taglist for this story! If you're interested in being added, comment below. If I've missed you in the past, please comment and let me know!

Thank you, everyone, for reading and commenting! It's been a dream to see how people feel about this piece while I'm writing it. Love you all, thank you for taking the time to read my work <3

Taglist: @paleidiot@ayamenimthiriel@ginger-swag-rapunzel@drewharrisonwriter@flugazi @pedropascalsbbg@taoyuji@starstruckmusiciansartghost@splendsay@bigboiseason123@jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10@sloanexx@ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn

[sunflower-lilac42]

✧ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩 || ice bound au ♔

summary: trevor breaks it off with chloe after he realizes his rookie season isn't turning out the way he had planned

warnings: broken glass, fighting, asshole-ish trevor

notes: starting the au off rocky, but don't worry it can only get better from here (maybe) um anyways, as always send me your thoughts, your issues, your life story, i always love hearing from you guys! sorry it's a little short, i didn't want to make a huge fic just for their breakup because i didn't even want it to happen myself but for the plot (and her songs). if you are confused, because i am too, i'm taking the games from spring of 21 and making them so they happen in 2020. covid does not exist and trevor makes his debut in 2020. if you're still confused, don't worry i don't fully understand what i am trying to say either, message me! add yourself to the taglist ➵ taglist!

au masterlist | nhl masterlist | main masterlist

It was the beginning of May, less than a week before Chloe’s birthday, and she noticed the way Trevor had been acting off since at least halfway through April. He texted her less often, and called her less often, which was to be expected with him making the NHL, but Trevor would never let that stop him.

She was sitting in her dorm room, writing down the idea that had sparked in her mind a few minutes ago. Trevor was on the Ducks’ current road trip in the Midwest currently. She had texted a few times but they had either gone unread or left on read. While writing, her phone rang and she leaped to pick it up, “Hi Trev!”

She could hear him sigh from the other side, worrying seeping in, “Are you okay?”

“I need to talk to you Chloe.”

He never called her Chloe, it was usually Chlo or some cringe-worthy nickname, “What’s wrong?”

“We have to stop this.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“I mean that you and I can no longer be together.”

“Why?”

“I need to focus on hockey, Chloe, without having to worry about my best friend figuring out I’m hooking up with his little sister. I need to prove myself.”

His words were like a dagger to her heart, but she chose to ignore it, “Trevor…”

“I can’t, Chloe.”

Each time he said her name, her heart broke more, “Trevor, you’re going to get better. It’s going to get better, I mean Jack-”

“But I’m not Jack Chloe! Don’t you get that? What if it doesn’t get better, what if I don’t get better?”

The two both held their phones to their ears, their eyes glassing over as they sat in silence. It was only a minute later until Trevor spoke again, “I’ve got to go. I’m sorry, Chloe.”

He hung up, leaving Chloe to sit in her dorm room more alone than she was. She looked over at the picture frame on her desk, it was a picture of her, Trevor, and Jack. She was in the middle as both of them placed their arms around her shoulders. She reached over and held it in her grasp, fingers rubbing over the wooden frame. After a moment of holding it, she threw it against the wall, glass shattering onto the ground and finding its way under her feet. 

And she wasn’t even fazed when she placed her feet down fully and it cut through her feet, red staining her socks, “Happy 19th, Chloe.”

𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

if your name is crossed out it means i couldn't tag you

@kei943 | @hockeygirl101

[39oa]

have you ever asked yourself: “hey, wouldn’t it be nice if i could quickly browse all the special warm-up jerseys that nhl teams have worn in collaboration with local or independent artists?” the answer to this is probably no so Don’t answer that, but... if you were ever to randomly stumble upon this train of thought, you would now be able to do so @ nhlwarmups.github.io! 

i created this website out of personal interest and an enduring love for beautiful jersey designs; i love art in all forms and really just love looking at it, so in my inability to find an existing project that fulfilled my desire of browsing through all these jerseys in a centralized location i somehow... singlehandedly motivated myself to take on the task? LOL but otherwise i also wanted to make this database because... well, i feel like even though a lot of league-wide inclusion initiatives ultimately rely on/benefit teams’ commercial interests, and even though it feels like there’s recently been an overabundance of dialogue re: player action or inaction, theme-night dissent and sociocultural pressure, the culminating breaking points of bisected fandom, etc.... art still kind of matters! to me, to the designers, to real people who attend games and who coordinate events and who run media platforms and do what small facets of work can still be done.

Anyway. this site itself is sort of meaningless and doesn’t really accomplish much at the end of the day, but i guess i wanted to (try to) refocus the concept of a “warm-up jersey” back on the people who actually create them, and ultimately to reattach the positive components of theme nights in a way that felt slightly tangible and concrete. the site itself isn’t very complicated so hopefully it’s fairly self-navigable, but some quick notes on content and functionality:

as of april 4, 2023, this database displays 82 special jerseys from 21 different nhl teams

i’ve currently only included special jerseys designed with a highlighted artist in my set. that is, while some teams have worn different pride/heritage night/etc. jerseys with either stock-template designs or artwork otherwise created in-house, those jerseys weren’t logged unless an artist was specifically named. for example, the penguins pride jersey from 2022-23 isn’t included but the ducks lunar new year jersey (which was created by a ducks graphic designer) from 2022-23 is.

there are different sidebar options to help quickly search for a specific type or style of jersey: you can sort by team/event/date and filter by category/team/season/base color

lastly, clicking on one of the preview cards will bring you to a details page with additional information on each jersey, including social media links to support the artist, notes on charity benefits, an image gallery of the design, and embedded tweets highlighting the artist when available:

that’s basically it! this was a labor of love so i tried my best to not make the entire experience a functional piece of garbage, but at the end of the day i am Just Some Guy and i never know what i’m doing so please lmk if anything is super wonky. and also if your team has a past design that fits the criteria but i missed it :)

[foxes-that-run]

Sorry if this question has been answered a thousand times! But yes, I do really want to know where T was April 29th!!! Can you give more information on this story?

There are previous posts on it in 2016 timeline, song analysis' for I did something bad, and @tameimpala222's post on Calvin Harris' Ole.

Do you really want to know where I was April 29? 

This high infidelity line could be as much to fans as to Calvin. Like Dear Reader, it says to fans how some see Taylor in a narrow idealised way

OK, but what happened?

Set up:

Harry and Kendall started the year with Yachtgate 6 January. Kendall was in Europe and didn’t go to Harry’s birthday party on the 21st and they arrived and left separately Jeff’s birthday 23 January do hendall was over by then. They weren’t seen together for months apart from a pap walk that promoted KUWTK.

Taylor and Calvin had been on pretty rocky ground. There has been rumours that he had been unfaithful, that Taylor was jealous of yachtgate and that Calvin was jealous of that jealousy.

Taylor won Album of the Year on 16 February and in Miss Americana said she felt alone and had no one she could call. (21 Minutes)

Harry was in LA at the same time. He wore this blue Hawaii st Laurent shirt on his 22nd birthday, also the day of the feeling 22 tweet which went viral, Taylor was in LA but not seen. 2 weeks later he wrote Sweet Creature which is a love song, but also references seeding doubt in a love interests' partners mind.

At this time, Calvin also started writing a diss track (Ole) about a guy (Harry) who ignores his GF (Kendall) for someone else (Taylor) who is a fake girlfriend to the subject (Calvin), the video shades Hendall and Haylor.

28 February - 29 April

Harry and Taylor then started hinting at hooking up, or wanting to. On 28 February Taylor looks stunning and alone at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, Harry tweets Elvis lyrics about not being over an ex and posted a colour photo to instagram (it had been B&W since OOTW came out unless he saw Taylor).

Taylor and Calvin posted about the 1 year anniversary a week later and spent 3 days with backgrid in the Bahamas. Harry went back to London and looked grumpy getting a parking ticket that week. :/

But then it seemed back on 25 March when Taylor and Harry return to LA the same day 👀 and are seen around LA separately.

On the 3rd April Taylor and Calvin are hostile at the iHeartRadio awards, blinds they fought in the pap walk.

The end for Tayvin was at Coachella/Bleachella/TIWYCF when Calvin didn't give Taylor credit for This is What you Came for. A year later there was a blind item that TIWYCF was about who Taylor was having an affair with (in hindsight it’s really Haylor), to me this helps explain why it went so bad over it.

Harry again tweeted Cars lyrics about being with an ex that you love no matter what And then finally, as well known Taylor went to Gigi's birthday party on the 28th, and did not show up for promo for TIWYCF, neither Harry or Taylor are seen on the 29th.

The next Day Harry is still in LA in a walk of shame to a Gym and Calvin goes on Radio to say she isn't working.

Alas it didn't work out for either couple, Tayvis imploded. Harry went to Europe to shoot Dunkirk then record HS1 and Taylor was looking for someone to be with her all the time and publicly move on from the Tayvin disaster. You know the rest.

For bonus the promo Taylor was a no show was possible this interview with Calvin had Nick Grimshaw, AKA Harry's close friend and long term maker of lighthearted Haylor jokes, in Calvins house on April 29 2016!

Later references

What makes this and interesting comment on Taylors fans thinking they know everything is that it wasn't known.... Were it not for Ole and Kiwi's videos that is!

Later in 2016 Calvin released Ole that references outfits Taylor, Kendall and Harry all wore in this period and Calvin posted to instagram wearing Harry's exact shirt from February.

Harry recreated Taylors look from this party in the protagonist of the Kiwi music video, which refers to when Taylor said at 2015 Oscar’s she was “going home to the cats” and Calvin (prick) "When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus (Uh) In a black dress, she's such an actress"

And finally, for irony and lols:

On 29 April 2017 (the 1 year anniversary of this high infidelity) Harry got papped wearing the same shirt.

In September Capital FM used the photo Calvin's used to troll Harry and Taylor in an article calling him a 'baller'. Harry has a leaked song from this era, Super Pretty with the line "Said you're happier with that big baller that we both knew growing up"

And it still continues in when Harry's friend Roman Kemp presented Calvin with Harry Styles Bathwater at the 2024 Brits.

Joe Alwyn, the Bowery Gastropub & Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk "reshoots"

A Reddit and Toe-Tumber version of this story is:

Joe was in LA for BLLHW reshoots and was with co-star Garrett Hedlund, who's friends with Caleb Followill who is married to Lily Aldridge who was at Gigi's party where we know Taylor was. There is a pub named the Bowery Gastropub on Sunset and Vine so of course Taylor met Joe there because 6 degrees of separation. It somehow makes sense that Tayvin continued and Hiddleswift happened and that she wrote in the lover journal that Toe started dating 3 months before January.

Issues with this story:

This story hinges on a screenshot from an office assistants LinkedIn claiming to have worked freelance on reshoots for the film for 2 months March and April 2016. If you search the words in the screenshot the Linkedin profile does say that. However if you look at profiles for editors, videographers and producers on the film they all ended mid-2015. Perhaps the freelance office assistant was working on a different film, or listed the wrong task.

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk had no reshoots. They had no budget for them and shot specifically to avoid them. It was also not shot in LA.

Footage for the film had already been debuted on 16 April 2016. They were definitely not still shooting a low budget film 2 weeks later when it was being screened and was released in November

Joe was in London on 20 March 2016. There is no reason to think Joe was in LA.

Joe and Garrett Hedlund did attend the Met Gala - however as a C/B lister Garrett would not have a plus one, more likely he was Lily's plus one!

Caleb Followill, and his brother and bandmate Nathan Followill go way back with Harry - Nathan has a matching tattoo of the other half of Harry's broken heart tattoo! Harry (and Taylor) were at a Calab Followill's 2015 birthday party when they were last seen together. If the Followill connect/ Bowery gastropub is true at all, it was not a no-name friend of a friend who was in London! 😂 It was a BFF who was in LA and flirting with his ex-GF.

This mental gymnastics to fit Joe into a story that three artists have described is a good example of how swifties want to keep Taylor in a defined perfect box, which she wants out of. It reminds me of this quote she gave Rolling Stone in 2014, about the snowboarding accident and OOTW:

"People think they know the whole narrative of my life, I think maybe that line is there to remind people that there are really big things they don’t know about."

[suffertime]

oh shit forgot i had this thing, anyway

if you guys remember a little while back i did some advertising of a horror rpg podcast that im a part of called Camp Moonmirror!

WELL DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU

Do you like shirts of rare internet podcasts you (probably) know nothing about? Do you like posters of characters from said podcast that is (maybe) a mystery to you? Do you like stickers that are really cool regardless of your knowledge of the source material?

@studiooutthere presents: MERCH!

Backing our kickstarter would mean so much to us, and it would help keep the podcast going! All products are hand made by us so we can assure quality and precision. Even if you can’t support us monetarily, check out our show on YouTube & Spotify, or even spreading the word to your friends who may enjoy our stuff means the world to us!

We are a studio of five queer internet kids who have a dream and a passion for our creation, and this is only one small step in our journey to bringing beautiful & meaningful stories to life, and we’d love to have you along the way!

Here are some of our links!

(We’re still catching up to current episodes on YouTube, but we have a bunch of bonus content there for you to enjoy!)

(We started season 2 in October of last year, so there’s plenty of episodes to catch up on over on Spotify! Our next episode releases on April 1st!)

https://x.com/studiooutthere?s=21&t=KlT4nGWiQek2RDNMxOQ69w

(We are most active over on Twitter, but we also do have a Bluesky account @ studiooutthere.bsky.social if Twitter isn’t your thing)

Thank you so much!

[venusinpiscestmarsinscorpio]

Astrology Observations, Part 1 (Mostly synastry)

I had heard it before, but it is SO true: a Venus in Aries guy will tell you if he likes you 😂😂😂 If he doesn't, he doesn't like you. I'm thinking of an Aquarius Sun, Sag moon, Aqua Mercury, Venus & Mars in Aries.

Gemini risings learned how to adapt their personality when they were little kids to fit in better & make friends. It breaks my heart to realize I had to do this because I didn't vibe with a lot of people born my birth year.

Sun square moon has to be one of the hardest things to overcome in a synastry chart. Remember, a synastry chart is when we overlay two natal, or birth, charts on top of each other and see how they match up. I had this with my ex-roommate (there's a reason why she's an ex-roommate haha), and our Moon trine Moon couldn't overcome that. We were both Libra moons and Gemini risings. She's a Virgo Sun, and I'm a Capricorn Sun. (Both earth suns) You'd think we'd be best friends based on that, but yeah...sun square moon...

Sun square Sun is also very difficult, especially when the aspect is even tighter. My older self finds it hard to believe I was chasing a guy who I had a Sun square Sun with not too long ago. He was a 1-degree Taurus Sun (April 21), and even out of sign, that squared my 26 degrees Capricorn Sun (because it acts like a late Aries Sun). To be fair, we had Venus in the 8th house synastry and a Venus conjunction. But not even his Venus in Pisces conjunct mine Venus, Eros, Juno, & Sappho could save that. (Of course, there were other hard squares.)

Oh, and before I forget: Mercury square Moon is so hard. I had that with another guy. Our communication was excellent at first because my Mercury was conjunct his Aquarius Sun & his Capricorn Mercury was conjunct my Capricorn Sun.

Mercury square Moon synastry: "This aspect indicates that there may be a communication barrier between both parties, where emotions and ideas are not readily expressed. The Moon person may feel especially vulnerable and stop providing emotional care and communicating their own emotions altogether if they feel too threatened. The Mercury person in turn may get frustrated at not being able to establish contact with the Moon person. This aspect may generate quite a bit of tension as a result."

-too accurate lol, thank you, AstroSeek

I had Eros trine Eros with that same guy. (His Eros in Scorpio was trine my Eros in Pisces. And my Venus, Juno, & Sappho because I have that nice conjunction going on in my natal chart.) Nothing ended up happening between us because of an unfortunate situation (and that Mercury square Moon & Moon square Pluto didn't help), but it was still so sexy. We turned each other on very easily, which makes sense because Eros is sexual desire.

Now Moon square Pluto: that one is a big red flag, lol. Don't do it, people. Or maybe date that person if the aspect isn't too exact. He & I had a 0 53' degree moon (him-Pisces) square Pluto (me-Sag).

"There is a struggle for power in this relationship. On the mental level, these two people confront and inspect each other.. Sexual intensity is high, but the same can be said about rivalry and jealousy. Over time the relationship can be resolved if they both face their internal struggles." -AstroSeek

[layce2015]

Supernatural (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader)

Swan Song

Masterlist pt 1

Masterlist pt 2

On April 21, 1967, the 100 millionth GM vehicle rolled off the line at the plant in Janesville – a blue two-door Caprice.

There was a big ceremony, speeches. The lieutenant governor even showed up. Three days later, another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her. But they should have, because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe.

She was first owned by Sal Moriarty, an alcoholic with two ex-wives and three blocked arteries. On weekends, he'd drive around giving Bibles to the poor "gettin' folks right for Judgment Day." That's what he said. Sam, Dean and (y/n) don't know any of this, but if they did, I bet they'd smile.

After Sal died, she ended up at Rainbow Motors, a used-car lot in Lawrence, where a young marine bought her on impulse. That is, after a little advice from a friend. I guess that's where this story begins.

And here's where it ends.

Sam was sitting on the hood of the Impala drinking a beer in Bobby's salvage yard, when Dean and I come over to join him. "Hey." Sam greeted as Dean takes a couple beers out of a cooler, hands me one and leans against the Impala, being unusually quiet. 

"Guys? What's going on?" Sam asked, worried. "I'm in." Dean said. "In with...?" Sam asked, confused. "The whole 'up with Satan' thing. I'm on board." Dean said. "You're gonna let me say yes?" Sam asked, surprised. "No. That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown...well, overgrown...man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play." Dean said. "That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say." Sam said.

"Might be. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is...You know, watching out for you...it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's...it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But...But I do know that if anybody can do it...it's you." Dean explained.

"Thank you." Sam said, grateful to hear such words from his brother. "If this is what you want...Is this really what you want?" Dean asked. "I let him out. I got to put him back in." Sam replied, Dean looks away. "Okay. That's it, then." He said, in a remorseful tone, then Sam looks over at me.

"What about you, (y/n)?" He asked me and I sigh. "Honestly, Sam...I don't like it. But...you are your own man and if you say you can control the devil and put yourself and Lucifer back in the cage, then I trust you. I'm standing by you." I said and Sam smiles at me. "Thanks, (y/n)." He said and I nod at him then we continue drinking our beers in silent.

Later, Sam and Castiel fill up jugs with demon blood. A dead demon hanged upside down over a devil's trap and Sam wipes blood off a large knife, while Castiel puts the lid on a jug of blood. Dean stands next to me, looking so conflicted of what is happening, and I reach out and take his hand in mine then run my thumb over his knuckle, to give him some sort've comfort. 

We exit the building, Sam and Castiel carrying the gallon jugs of blood then they put them in the trunk of the Impala, while Dean and I walk over to Bobby. "I still can't get used to you at eye level." I said to him.

"So, was I right?" Bobby asked. "As always, Yoda. Two stunt demons inside, just like you said." Dean replied. "Did you get it?" Bobby asked. "Yeah, all the 'go juice' Sammy can drink." Dean said, while I sigh and look away.

"You both okay?" Bobby asked, I shake my head. "Not really. What do you got?" Dean asked. "Not much. These look like omens to you?" Bobby asked, handing Dean a newspaper. I lean closer to Dean to read the paper with him. 

"Cyclone in Florida, temperature drop in Detroit, wildfires in L.A." Bobby said. "Wait. What about Detroit?" Dean asked, looking up from the paper. "Temp's dropped about 20 degrees, but only in a five-block radius of downtown Motown." Bobby explained. "That's the one. Devil's in Detroit." Dean said. "Really? As far as foreboding goes, it's a little light in the loafers. You sure?" Bobby asked. "Yeah, I'm sure." Dean replied.

The Impala, of course, has all the things other cars have... and a few things they don't. But none of that stuff's important. This is the stuff that's important. The army man that Sam crammed in the ashtray – it's still stuck there. The Legos that Dean shoved into the vents – to this day, heat comes on and they can hear 'em rattle. And, when she was riding with them, (y/n) had stuffed her already chewed up gum up under the seats.

These are the things that make the car theirs – really theirs. Even when Dean rebuilt her from the ground up, he made sure all these little things stayed, 'cause it's the blemishes that make her beautiful. The Devil doesn't know or care what kind of car the boys drive.

Dean was driving the Impala, Sam was riding shotgun, Castiel is asleep in the back seat while I sit next to him and smile at him. "Aw. Ain't he a little angel?" I asked the boys as I nod to Cas. "Angels don't sleep." Sam said and I roll my eyes.

"Sam, I got a bad feeling about this." said Dean. "Well, you'd be nuts to have a good feeling about it." Sam said, sarcastically. "You know what I mean. Detroit. He always said he'd jump your bones in Detroit. Here we are." Dean said. "Here we are." Sam said.

"Maybe this is him rolling out the red carpet, you know? Maybe he knows something that we don't." I said. "(Y/n), I'm sure he knows a buttload we don't. We just got to hope he doesn't know about the rings." Sam said then he sighs.

"Hey, um...on the subject, there's something I got to talk to you guys about." He said. "What?" Dean and I asked. "This thing goes our way and I...Triple Lindy into that box...y-you guys know I'm not coming back." Sam said and I frown and turn my head away. "Yeah, we're aware." Dean said.

"So you guys got to promise me something." Sam said and I look over at him. "Okay. Yeah." Dean said. "Anything." I said. "You guys got to promise not to try to bring me back." Sam said. "What?" I exclaimed, shocked, while Dean shakes his head. "No, I didn't sign up for that." He growls.

"Guys--"

"Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland. You want us just to sit by and do nothing?" Dean asked, angrily. "Once the Cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky." Sam said. "No, no, no, no, no. As if we're just gonna let you rot in there." Dean said. "There's no way we're gonna do that!" I shout. "Yeah, you are. You two don't have a choice." Sam said. "You can't ask us to do this." Dean said, upset.

"I'm sorry, guys. You have to." Sam said. "So then what are we supposed to do?" I asked him, tears forming in my eyes. The idea of losing my best friend is just...I don't know a better word for it...awful.

​​​​​​"You guys find a home, have a family. You – you have barbecues, go to football games and go to concerts. You two go live some normal, apple-pie life, guys. Promise me." Sam said and I stare at him, in disbelief, as Dean looks over at him. "Well, is it bad timing to tell you that...your wish is coming true?" Dean asked and Sam stares at him, confused.

"What?" He asked. "Last night, I, uh...I asked (y/n) to marry me." Dean said and Sam's eyes widen and he looks over at me, like for confirmation. "It's true. Although, we don't have a ring yet but...he did ask." I said and Sam huffs out a laugh. "Well...I'm glad you guys. Now you just need to home, maybe turn one of your safehouses into a home, (y/n), and you two live on. Have kids or do whatever. It would mean alot to me, if you guys did this." He said and I look down. 

We arrive in Detroit and parked in an alleyway then Bobby looks through binoculars at a building. Once he was done, Bobby walks over to Sam, Dean, Castiel, and I. "Demons. At least two dozen of them. You were right...something's up." He said to Dean. "More than something. He's here. I know it." Dean said, walking to the trunk of the Impala.

Sam looks at Bobby and sighs. Bobby looks at the ground for a moment, then walks up to Sam. "I'll see ya around, kid." He said. "See ya around." Sam replied and the two hug.

Bobby pulls away then look Sam in the eye. "He gets in...You fight him tooth and nail, you understand? Keep swingin'. Don't give an inch." He said, his voice breaking a little. "Yes, sir." Sam said. Bobby stares at Sam for a moment, tearfully. Then he turns and walks away.

Sam sighs, rubbing his face and brushing a long strand of his bangs out of his face. Sam looks at Castiel and walks over him, holding his hand out to the angel. "Take care of these guys, okay?" He asked as he nods to me and Dean

"That's not possible." Castiel said, plainly. Sam scoffs. "Then humor me." He said. "Oh. I was supposed to lie." Castiel said and Sam scoffs again. "Uh...Sure. They'll be fine." Castiel said, never taking Sam's hand to shake. "Just-just stop...talking." Sam said, smiling a little, then he looks over at me and I give him a small smile before I go and hug him.

"I'm gonna miss you." I whispered to him as he hugs me back. "Yeah, I'll miss you too." Sam said then we pull out of our embrace and he looks down at me. "Take care of my brother." He tells me and I nod. "I will." I said and Sam smiles and we hug again then he heads over to the trunk of the Impala, where the open jugs of demon blood sit.

"You mind not watching this?" Sam asked us and Dean and I walk away as Sam picks up a jug. 

Later, Sam clears his throat and closes the trunk and takes a deep breath. "Okay. Let's go." He said, walking past Dean and I. After a moment we follow him. Bobby and Castiel stayed back, watching us go. 

Sam raises his arms as he approaches the building with the demons. "ALL RIGHT! We're here, you sons of bitches! Come and get it!" He growled and three demons come outside. "Hey, guys. Is your father home?" Dean asked them.

The demons manhandle the boys and I, inside and over to Lucifer, who's looking out the window. "Hey, guys. So nice of you to drop in." The devil said, continuing to stare out the window. He breaths on the glass, foggy and freezing it up.

"Sorry, if it's a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot. It's actually quite the opposite." Lucifer said, as he draws a pitchfork in the condensation. "Well, I'll alert the media." Dean said, sarcastically.

Lucifer turns his head to look at us, his face was covered with red sores. "Help me understand something, guys. I mean, stomping through my front door is...a tad suicidal, don't you think?" He asked, moving to stand in front of us.

"We're not here to fight you." Sam said. "No? Then why are you?" Lucifer asked. "I want to say yes." Sam replied. "Excuse me?" Lucifer asked, taken aback. Sam takes a breath, closing his eyes and the three demons drop dead in flashes of light. "Chock-full of Ovaltine, are we?" Lucifer asked, a bit impressed.

"You heard me. Yes." Sam said, firmly. "You're serious." Lucifer said, questionable. Sam glances to Dean and I real quick. "Look, Judgment Day's a runaway train. We get it now. We just want off." He said. "Meaning?" Lucifer asked. "Deal of the century. I give you a free ride, but when it's all over, I live, he lives, she lives, you bring our parents back..." Sam said and Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Okay, can we please drop the telenovela?" Lucifer asked, getting him to stop.

"I know you have the rings, Sam." Lucifer said. Dean and I look at Sam, who stares at Lucifer. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He said. "The Horsemen's rings? The magic keys to my Cage? Ring a bell?" Lucifer asked, stepping closer to get in Sam's face.

Lucifer then slips pass us as we turn to look at him. "Come on, Sam. I've never lied to you. You could at least pay me the same respect. It's okay. I'm not mad. A wrestling match inside your noggin...I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win...Well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you." Lucifer taunted.

Dean and I exchange worried looks then look over at Sam, who fidgets. "So he knows. Doesn't change anything." He said. "Sam." Dean whispered. "We don't have any other choice." Sam said. "No." I mutter but Sam faces Lucifer.

"Yes."

Lucifer closes his eyes and bright light emanates from him. I held up my hands, turning my head away from the blinding light. When the light fades, Lucifer's previous vessel was gone and Sam was laying motionless on the floor. "Sam." I exclaimed as I kneel beside him to check on him. Dean takes the Horsemen's rings out of his pocket and throws them at the wall, where they stick.

"Bvtmon...Tabges...Babalon." 

A hole appears in the wall where the rings were and thw air is sucked into it. Sam stirs. "Sam." I said, taking his arm and help him sit up. "Sammy!" Dean exclaimed, running over to us. "Dean! (y/n)!" Sam exclaimed as he groans in pain. "I can feel him. Oh, God!" Sam cried out. "Keep fighting him, Sam!" I said. "You got to go now! Come on!" Dean said and he and I take Sam's arms and help him up. 

Now standing, Sam stares at the hole that leads to the cage. "Go now, Sammy. Now!" I yelled. Sam walks towards the hole and takes some deep breath but then he turns back to us, smiling. "I was just messing with you. Sammy's long gone." Lucifer said and we stare back at him, horrified, my heart dropped at this.

Lucifer turns back to the hole in the wall. "Chdr bvtmon tabges babalon." He changes and the hole closes. Lucifer removes the Horsemen's rings from the wall and turns back to look at us. "I told you...this would always happen in Detroit." He said, then he disappears. Dean puts his hands to his head with tears in his eyes and I placed my hands over my mouth, tears falling down. "No..." I cried, defeated.

*3rd Person POV*

In a abandon theater, five people stand in a loose circle. Lucifer in Sam's body flexes his right arm, shoulder and hand. "Sam. Come on. I can feel you...scratching away in there." Lucifer said, smirking, then he noticed a broken mirror and looks into it. "Look...I'll take the gag off, okay?" Lucifer said as he walks towards the mirror. In the reflection, Sam was breathing heavily in anger.

"You got me all wrong, kiddo. I'm not the bad guy here." Lucifer said. "I'm gonna rip you apart from the inside out. Do you understand me?" Sam growled, angrily. "Such anger...Young Skywalker. Who are you really angry with? Me? Or that face in the mirror?" Lucifer asked.

"I'm sure this is all a big joke to you, huh?" Sam sneered. "Not at all. I've been waiting for you...for a long, long time. Come on, Sam. You have to admit...you can feel it, right?" Lucifer asked and Sam shakes is head. "What?" He asked. "The exhilaration. And you know why that is? Because we're two halves made whole. M.F.E.O. Literally." Lucifer replied. "This feels pretty damn far from good." Sam spat.

Lucifer smiles and taps at his head. "I'm inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can't lie to me. I see it all...how odd you always felt, how...out of place in that...family of yours. And why shouldn't you have? They were foster care at best. I'm your real family." Lucifer said. "No, that's not true." Sam said. "It is. And I know you know it. All those times you ran away, you weren't running from them. You were running towards me." Lucifer said. 

Sam looks away then Lucifer sighs. "This doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know." He said, Sam scoffs at such a ridiculous idea. "I let Dean and (y/n) live, didn't I? I want them to live. I'll bring your folks back, too. I'll even bring back (y/n)'s folks for her. I want you to be happy, Sam." Lucifer said. "I don't want anything from you." Sam growled and Lucifer raises an eyebrow. "Really? Not even a little payback?" He asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked. "Look closely. None of these little devils look familiar to you?" Lucifer asked as he gestures to the demons behind him then back at the mirror. "That's Mr. Bensman...One of my grade-school teachers." Sam said, looking at a bald man in a suit. Lucifer turns to look at the demons again. "And that's your friend Doug from that time in East Lansing. And Rachel...your prom date." He said, glancing back at the mirror, and Sam looks at the demons, horrified.

Lucifer looks back at the mirror, spreading his arms. "Sam Winchester, this is your life. Azazel's gang...watching you since you were a rugrat, jerking you around like a dog on a leash. I know how you feel about them. Me too. And you wanna know something? (Y/n) was supposed to die that night Jake stabbed her. But we didn't take in consideration of how much your brother cared for her." Lucifer said and Sam shakes in anger. "So, what do you say you and I blow off a little steam?" He asked as Sam glares at the demons behind him.

In the streets, a news report is playing on televisions in a store window. "Reports are flooding in – a 7.6 earthquake in Portland, 8.1 in Boston, more in Hong Kong, Berlin, and Tehran. The U.S.G.S. has no explanation but says to expect a six-figure death toll." the reporter said.

"It's starting." Castiel said as he, Dean, Bobby and (y/n) watch the news. "Yeah, you think, genius?" Dean said to him, harshly. "You don't have to be mean." Castiel mumbles. "So what do we do now?" Dean asked as he paces and (y/n) had her arms folded across her chest.

"I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol...Just wait for the inevitable blast wave." Castiel suggested. "Yeah, swell. Thank you, Bukowski. I-I mean, how do we stop it?" Dean asked. "We don't. Lucifer will meet Michael on the chosen field, and the battle of Armageddon begins." Cas said. "Okay, well, where's this chosen field?" Dean asked him. "I don't know." Cas said, shrugging, and (y/n) closes her eyes in realization. "Well, there's got to be something that we can do." Dean yells.

"There is." (Y/n) said and the men all look over at her, her back was facing them. "What are you talking about?" Bobby asked and (y/n) sighs and looks over her shoulder at them then Dean's eyes widen, realizing what she was gonna say.

"No, no, no." Dean said, shaking his head. "Dean...it's our last hope." (Y/n) said as she turns to face him. "No! I'm not letting you do this!" Dean yells. "What the hell you two going on about?" Bobby asked. "Ariel." (Y/n) said and Bobby gets a look of understanding. "Balls." He grumbles and (y/n) turns to Cas. "Cas, can you call her?" She asked and Cas nods as he pulls out his phone.

"There's no way in hell..." Dean growls but (y/n) shakes her head. "Dean..." she pleads. "NO, DAMN IT! I'M NOT LOSING YOU TOO!" Dean yells. "You're not gonna lose me, Dean." (Y/n) said but he shakes his head. "(Y/n), please.." Dean pleads and (y/n) walks up to him and takes his hands in hers.

"Do you trust me?" She asked and he looks at her. "What?" He said, confused. "Do you trust me?" She asked again and Dean stares into her (e/c) eyes then nods. "Yes, I do." He said, firmly. "Then you'd know that I can handle this. Lucifer's got Sam, Michael's got Adam and they are about to have a showdown somewhere and the only way to stop this is to say yes to Ariel." She said and tears build up in Dean's eyes.

"I just got you back...." he whispers. "And I intend to come back in one piece." She said and Dean stares at her, clenching his jaw, as tears run down his cheek. The two stare at each other for a few moments before he speaks. "You better. My world would be awful empty without you." He said and (y/n) smiles before Dean leans down and kisses her, lovingly.

They hear the sounds of wings and they break the kiss to see Ariel there. "Ariel..." (y/n) said and the archangel gives a sympathetic look to her. "(Y/n), I am so sorry but..." Ariel said, a bit desperate. "I know..." (y/n) said then she looks over at Dean. They share one last look before (y/n) speaks up. "I love you." She said to him. "I know." He said and she smirks at him, getting the reference.

She looks back at Ariel and takes in a deep breath and let it out, slowly. "Yes." She said and Ariel gives her an I'm sorry look then a bright white engulfs Ariel and (y/n). Dean fidgets a bit as he watches this then the white light disappears and only (y/n) stood there until she stumbles back and Bobby, Cas and Dean run over to her, catching her before she fell.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Dean said. "Easy there." Bobby said as they stand her up. She stands up straight and she opens her eyes which glows bright blue. "Ariel." Castiel mutters and she looks over at him as her eyes go back to (y/n)'s normal eye color.

She nods then looks over at Dean, who still looked upset. "You better bring her back alive." He growls and Ariel gives him a sympathetic look. "I will." She said, her voice was still (y/n) but it was not in the way she spoke. It was a bit softer, a more innocence to it similar how Ariel spoke.

Ariel then walks up to Dean and places a comforting hand on his cheek and, even though it was still (y/n)'s hand, Dean noticed it wasn't even close to (y/n)'s touch. The way Ariel touched his cheek was almost like a mother to a child. "I'm so sorry that Heaven, my family, took so much from you, Dean." She said, sympathetically, then she has a determined look on her face. "But I promise I will make it right." She said, determined, as she removes her hand from his face and Dean nods.

Back at the theater, Lucifer was sitting on steps, his hands and clothes all bloody. All the demons laid dead on the floor, brutally killed. Lucifer smiles and turns to a mirror, Sam stares back horrified by what he has done. Lucifer exhales sharply. "So...are we having fun yet?"

In between jobs, Sam, Dean, and (y/n) would sometimes get a day...sometimes a week, if they were lucky. They'd pass the time lining their pockets. Sam used to insist on honest work, but now he hustles pool, like his brother and (y/n). They could go anywhere and do anything. They drove 1,000 miles for an Ozzy show, two days for a Jayhawks game, go to the beach in Key West, and an event show about motorcycles for (y/n)'s birthday.

And when it was clear, they'd park her in the middle of nowhere, sit on the hood, and watch the stars...for hours...without saying a word. It never occurred to them that, sure, maybe they never really had a roof and four walls...but they were never, in fact, homeless.

Chuck leans back in his chair, staring at his computer screen and smiles. "That's a good line." He remarked. A phone then rings and Chuck answers it. "Mistress Magda?" He said, grinning. "Um, no, Chuck." Dean said. "Oh, uh, Dean. Uh, wow. I, uh, I didn't know that you'd call." Chuck said, embarrassed. 

Dean was in the Impala, parked in a city alleyway, and Ariel paces as she listens. "Who's Mistress Magda?" Dean asked and Ariel turns her head to Dean, looking confused. "Nothing. She's a, uh, a...just a, uh...a close friend." Chuck said, sheepishly. "Yeah, I'll bet...real close. Whatever happened to Becky?" Dean asked. "Didn't work out. I had too much respect for her." Chuck replied.

"Boy, you really got a whole virgin/hooker thing going on, don't you?" Dean asked and Ariel gives him a look. "Dean." She said, disapproving. "Okay, this can't be why you called." Chuck said, feeling insulted.

"Sam said yes." Dean said. "I know. I saw it. And I saw (y/n) said yes to Ariel too. I'm just working on the pages." Chuck said. "Did you see where the title fight goes down?" Dean asked. "The angels are keeping it top secret – very hush-hush." Chuck replied.

"Aw, crap." Dean growled. "He didn't see it?" Ariel asked, worried. "But I saw it anyway. Perks of being a prophet. It's tomorrow, high noon...place called Stull Cemetery." Chuck said. "Stull Ceme...Wait. I know that. That's...that's an old boneyard outside of Lawrence. Why Lawrence?" Dean asked and Ariel perks up at this. "I don't know. It all has to end where it started, I guess." Chuck said.

"All right, Chuck. You know of any way to short-circuit this thing?" Dean asked. "Besides the rings? No. I'm sorry." Chuck replied. "Well, do you have any idea what's gonna happen next?" Dean asked. "I wish that I did. But I-I just...I honestly don't know yet." Chuck said. "All right. Thanks, Chuck." Dean said before hanging up and turning to Ariel.

"So Lawrence is where they're gonna be?" Ariel asked. "Chuck believes so." Dean said and Ariel nods. "Well, then, I guess that's where I'm going." She said. “Alright, let’s go.” Dean said. “No. You’re not coming.” Ariel said, sternly. “What?” Dean asked, angrily. “This is between me and my brothers.” Ariel said, simply. 

“Your brothers are using my brothers as meatsuits! And you’re about to go fight them inside my fiancé’s body. That sure as hell makes me a part of this.” Dean argued. “If you go, they’ll kill you. I can’t have that on my conscience.” Ariel said. “You can’t keep me out of this!” Dean growled.

Ariel looks at Dean and suddenly appears in front of him, reaching her hand out and hovering her fingertips in front of his forehead. Dean stares at archangel in front of him, worried that if he makes any sort of movement she’ll use her powers on him.

Ariel stares into Dean’s eyes with a stern glare. “I can if I must.” She said, almost as if she was challenging him to make a move. Dean remain still and Ariel pulls her hand away, her serious expression softening. “Please, leave this to me, Dean.” She pleaded. Before Dean could say anything, Ariel disappears.

Later, Dean closes the trunk of the Impala as Bobby and Castiel walk up to him. "You goin' someplace? You're goin' to do somethin' stupid. You got that look." Bobby said to Dean. "I'm gonna go talk to Sam." Dean replied. "You just don't give up." Bobby said. "It's Sam!" Dean exclaimed. "If you couldn't reach him here, you're certainly not gonna be able to on the battlefield." Castiel said.

"Well, if we've already lost, I guess I got nothing to lose, right?" Dean asked. "I just want you to understand...the only thing that you're gonna see out there is Michael killing your brother and, if she fails, your girlfriend." Castiel said. "Fiancé’." Dean corrects and Bobby and Castiel give shocked looks to him then Dean sighs. "Well, then I'm not gonna let them die alone." Dean said as he walks to the car, gets into the Impala and starts the engine. 

The next day, Lucifer stands in the cemetery and looks around, as if he was waiting for somebody. Then there was the sound of wings and Michael, in Adam's body, appears. "It's good to see you, Michael." Lucifer said. "You too. It's been too long." Michael said and Lucifer nods.

"Can you believe it's finally here?" Michael asked him. "No. Not really." Lucifer said. "Are you ready?" Michael asked. "As I'll ever be. A part of me wishes we didn't have to do this." said Lucifer. "Yeah. Me too." said Michael.

"Then why are we?" Lucifer asked. "Oh, you know why! I have no choice, after what you did." Michael yelled. "What I did? What if it's not my fault?" Lucifer asked. "What is that supposed to mean?" Michael asked, suspiciously. "Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means he made me who I am! God wanted the Devil." Lucifer said.

"So?" Michael said, shrugging. "So why? And why make us fight? I just can't figure out the point." Lucifer said. "What's your point?" Michael asked. "We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard." Lucifer said. "I'm sorry. I-I can't do that. I'm a good son, and I have my orders." Michael said, shaking his head. "But you don't have to follow them." Lucifer points out.

"What, you think I'm gonna rebel? Now? I'm not like you." Michael sneers. "Please, Michael --" Lucifer pleads. "You know, you haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself. We were together. We were happy. But you betrayed me – all of us – and you made our father leave." Michael growled. "No one makes Dad do anything. He is doing this to us." said Lucifer.

"You're a monster, Lucifer. And I have to kill you." Michael spat and Lucifer glares at his brother. "If that's the way it's got to be...Then I'd like to see you try." Lucifer said, in a low tone, but then they hear another set of wings.

"Brothers, stop!" A female voice commanded and they turn to see Ariel walking up to them. "Ariel?" Michael said, questioning, as Lucifer glares at her. "Why am I not surprised that your vessel is Dean Winchester’s whore." Lucifer said and Ariel glares at him.

"Don't talk about her that way. She's my friend." Ariel growls. "Ariel...back off. I've told you what would happen if I see you again." Michael asked her and she turns to him. “Yeah, well, I'm stubborn. Guess I learned it from you two. Now, c'mon, you two know what will happen if you go through with this.” She replied and Lucifer scoffs. “I tried to tell him but he won’t listen.” He said, gesturing to the oldest archangel.

"Ariel, you know we have to do this." Michael said. “I know, I miss him too. But doing this won’t bring him back. He’s given up on us.” Ariel said. “No, he hasn’t! He left because of him!” Micheal yelled, pointing towards Lucifer.

“No, he left because he just sees us as disappointments.” Ariel argued. “You shut your mouth!“ Micheal shouted. “No matter how hard we try, we will never be good enough for him.” Ariel said and Micheal jerked his head away, brooding.

Lucifer watches them both, curious and a little hopeful that she is getting through to Michael. “And that’s alright, we don’t need him. We can forge our own paths. Just like the humans.” Ariel said and Lucifer let's out a disappointment sigh.

“You had me until humans. We’re nothing like them! They are broken and flawed.” Lucifer declared. “So are we! You’re about to destroy this beautiful planet just because Dad left to get milk and never came back?” Ariel said and Lucifer glared at her, while Michael watches them.

“At least the humans can think for themselves.” Ariel sneered. “Now you sound like Gabriel.” Lucifer mocked. “And that’s a bad thing? He and I have been around humans, we’ve seen how truly wonderful they are. If you would allow yourselves see that then…” Ariel started to plead.

“Then what?” Lucifer asked, interrupting her. “Is it gonna undo the centuries of loneliness I’ve spent in the cage? I’ll never bow down to these hairless apes. Not when they continue to lie, cheat, kill, and destroy and blame it all on me! They can’t even admit when they’re the ones in the wrong.” he yells.

Ariel scoffs. “I could say the same about you.” She sneered. “Enough, Ariel! You made your plead.” said Michael. “But…” Ariel tried to argued. “It’s time for you to step aside.” Michael said, looking over at Lucifer.

Ariel sighs, frustrated with her brothers. “I won’t let you either of do this. If I have to…I’ll kill you both.” Ariel said and Lucifer laughs at this. “You kill us?” He asked. “I’m done holding back.” Ariel replied, cracking her knuckles. Then three siblings stand tall, almost like a western showdown; all of them staring, wondering who is gonna make the first move, until they hear an engine running.

They all turn and see the Impala driving up to them. "Dean..." Ariel mutters, in a soft worried voice, as Dean puts a tape into the tape deck and turns up the volume. "Rock of Ages" by Def Leppard plays as he drives up to the angels. "Howdy, boys." Dean greets as the angels stare at him. "Sorry. Am I interrupting something?" Dean asked as Michael and Lucifer glares at him while Ariel gives him a worried, concerned expression.

"Hey. We need to talk." Dean said as he shuts the engine off of his car and walks out towards them. "Dean. Even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid." Lucifer said. "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Sam." Dean said to Lucifer. "Dean, you're gonna get yourself killed. Please." She pleads and Dean turns to her. "Look, Ariel, I know you mean well but I gotta do this." He said and Ariel frowns.

"You're no longer the vessel, Dean. You got no right to be here." Michael growled and Dean turns to him. "Adam, if you're in there somewhere, I am so sorry." Dean said. "Adam isn't home right now." Michael said. "Well, then you're next on my list, buttercup. But right now, I need five minutes with him." Dean said, pointing at Lucifer, and Michael glares at him. "You little maggot. You are no longer a part of this story!" Michael yelled as he starts to walk closer to Dean and Ariel goes to stand in front of Dean, protectively. "Take one more step..." Ariel growls, threateningly, at her brother until they hear a voice.

"Hey, ass-butt!" A voice shouts and everyone turns to see Castiel and Bobby nearby. Castiel is holding a bottle from which a flame is burning – a Molotov cocktail. He throws the bottle at Michael who screams as he goes up in flames, Dean recoils back while Lucifer raises an arm to block the light and Ariel shuts her eyes.

Michael disappears and Dean looks over at Castiel, questioning. "Ass-butt?" He asked. "He'll be back – and upset – but you got your five minutes." Castiel said. "Castiel. Did you just Molotov my brother with holy fire?" Lucifer asked him, in a low tone. "Uh...no." Castiel said, a bit nervously. "No one dicks with Michael but me." Lucifer growls then he snaps his fingers.

Castiel then explodes in a rain of blood and chunks of meat. "Cas!" Ariel screams while Dean and Bobby look on, horrified, then Dean turns to Lucifer. "Sammy, can you hear me?" Dean asked as Lucifer turns to him. "You know...I tried to be nice...for Sammy's sake. But you...are such a pain...in my ass." Lucifer growls then he throws Dean onto the windshield of the Impala.

At that moment, Ariel raises her arm and thrust it forward, making Lucifer go flying off to the side and lands on his back. He gets up, quickly, but Bobby shoots him in the back. Lucifer turns and Bobby shoots him again in the front.

Ariel flicks her wrist just as Lucifer makes a twisting hand motion and Bobby's neck snaps. "Nooo!" Dean screams while two vine-like ropes come up from the ground and grab Lucifer by his wrists. Ariel goes to stand in front of him as the vines hold Lucifer back.

"Sam, I know you're in there. You need to keep fighting, honey." She pleads as Lucifer glares at her as he struggles against his restraints. "You're really starting to test me, sister." Lucifer growls and Ariel quirks up a smirk. "That's what little sister are for, right?" She quips and she noticed he was fighting really hard against the vines and she flicks her other wrist and two more large vine-like rope pop up out of the ground and grab him by his ankles.

"You think you're little twigs are gonna stop me?" He asked her. "Long enough for me to get to Sam." She said then she goes to address Sam again. "Sam...you're stronger than this. You can do it. I believe in you." Ariel said as Lucifer fights hard with the restraints and the feeling of Sam fighting back in his mind.

"Fight him now, Sam!" She yells then Lucifer let's out a scream and breaks the vines. Ariel, taken a back by this, stumbles back as Lucifer charges at her and the two begin to fight.

All Dean could do was watch, in shock, as Lucifer and Ariel threw punches and kicks at each other until Lucifer had the upper hand. He slams her down on the ground and said. "Sorry, sister. But you are getting in the way." And Lucifer snaps his fingers and, like Castiel, she explodes in a rain of blood and chunks.

"N-o-o-o-o!" Dean cries out, horrified, and Lucifer turns to Dean. "Yes." He growls and he grabs Dean's legs and pulls him off the hood of the Impala. He punches Dean hard, making him fall back against the Impala, spitting blood. He held out his hand, catching the blood bleeding out of his mouth. 

Dean turns to face Lucifer, using the car for support. "Sammy? Are you in there?" He asked. "Oh, he's in here, all right." Lucifer replied, punching him again. "And he's gonna feel the snap of your bones." He said, throwing another punch. 

Dean falls to the ground. "Every single one." Lucifer said, hauling Dean up to his feet and pins him to the backseat door. "We're gonna take our time." He said, punching Dean a further ten times causing Dean's face to be very swollen and bleeding.

He puts out a hand to Lucifer's jacket. "Sam, it's okay. It's okay." Dean said, painfully. Lucifer pauses and stares down at Dean, confused. "I'm here. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you." Dean said, causing Lucifer's face to harden in anger, punching him twice more. "I'm not gonna leave you." Dean said in a strained voice, more blood bleeding out of his mouth.

Lucifer hauls back up a bit, preparing him for another beating, when sunlight glints off the roof of the Impala, catching his eye. In the window Dean is pinned to, Lucifer's reflection was Sam, staring at something in shock.

Through the window Lucifer can see the little green army man stuck in the ashtray. As Lucifer stares at the little army man, Sam remember all the wonderful memories he has of Dean and (y/n).

Young Sam stuffing the army man in the Impala's ashtray. Young Dean puts Legos in the Impala's vent. Young (y/n) stuffing chewed up gum under the seats. Young Sam, Dean and (y/n) carving their initials in the Impala.

Sam gifting the cross necklace to (y/n) on her 13th birthday.

Sam going through Dean's cassette collection while Dean fills the Impala's tank. Sam holding up the tape labeled 'MOTORHEAD' to show Dean in the driver's seat. Dean takes the tape from him to put in the tape deck.

(Y/n) meeting them at the bridge in Jericho and saying, sarcastically, how much she misses them.

The trio leaning on the Impala as Sam tells Dean he's driving. 

Sam waking up with with a plastic spoon in his mouth, (y/n) being woken up by the loud music from the backseat. He yanks the spoon out and Dean laughs and does a drum solo on the Impala's steering wheel. 

Sam sleeping in the passenger seat until (y/n) wakes him up.

Dean sitting in the passenger seat with sunglasses on. Sam and (y/n) laughing after (y/n) honks the horn to startled him awake. 

(y/n) picking Sam up from the Roadhouse on her bike and they take off and Sam enjoys the wind blowing in his face as they ride on.

Dean telling Sam and (y/n) they're screwed after the dealing with the shifter at the bank.

Sam, Dean, and (y/n) in the Impala, singing along to Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive.

The Impala bouncing along a dark road, as Dean drives like a happy mad man after he and (y/n) slept together for the first time.

Sam giving Dean a thermos of coffee, while they stake out Santa. Dean discovering it's empty and setting it aside, disappointed.

The trio sitting in the car after Sam scratched the lottery tickets and won $1,200.

The trio dressed as security-company employees as Dean teases Sam about school drama productions.

Dean motions that he can't hear Sam because the music is too loud.

Dean lying across the front seat of the Impala, drumming to 'Eye of the Tiger while (y/n) leans against the car, shaking her head.

Lucifer was engrossed by all the memories, still poised to throw a punch as Sam is reminded of the love he has for his brother and his best friend.

(y/n) hugging Sam as he glares over at his brother after Dean made his crossroad deal to bring (y/n) back.

Dean telling Sam about carrying him outside during the nursery fire, while getting gas in Lawrence.

Dean jumping at latino pop-dance music blasting from the speakers. When he tries to turn it off, the wipers turn on, making him rear back.

The boys getting glitter bombed from the air conditioning vents of the car and (y/n) climbing in the back seat, laughing and holding the empty glitter container.

(y/n) and Sam decorating one of her safehouses for Christmas and cooking food and making eggnog.

Dean giving Sam the keys to the Impala, showing that he trusts him again.

Finally the memories end with Dean hugging Sam after coming back from Hell. And Sam apologizing to (y/n) for what he said about it being her fault that Dean died and she forgives him and hugs him.

Lucifer stares, his fist unclenches and just like that, he was Sam again. Gasping and breathing heavily, he let's go of Dean, who falls to the ground against the Impala. 

Sam breathes quickly as he realizes he's in control of his own body again. He looks down at Dean, who stares back up at him. "It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay. I've got him." Sam reassured him.

Then Sam took out the Horsemen's rings and tosses them on the ground. "Bvtmon tabges babalon." he said and the ground caves in around the rings and air is sucked into the hole. Sam and Dean look at each other as the hole widens. 

Sam turns back to the hole and gets ready to jump in. "Sam!" A voice called out. Sam and Dean turn their heads to see Michael has returned. "It's not gonna end this way! Step back!" He ordered.

"You're gonna have to make me!" Sam yelled, furious. "I have to fight my brother, Sam! Here and now! It's my destiny!" Michael said. Sam glares at the archangel then glances over to Dean for a moment. 

Sam closes his eyes and spreads his arms and begins to fall backwards. Michael lunges forward and grabs Sam's jacket. Sam grabs a hold of Michael's arm and they fall into the hole together. 

After few moments the hole closes in a blinding flash of light. The Horsemen's rings burn bright in the grass on the ground where the hole was. Dean closes his eyes as he leans back against the Impala. Dean kneels on the ground near the Impala, the horsemen rings in his hand, staring at it with a lifeless expression.

Castiel and Ariel, still in (y/n)'s body, appears next to him and Dean slowly looks up at the two. "Cas, Ariel, you're alive?" He asked and Ariel smiles down at him before she goes over to Bobby. "I'm better than that." Castiel replied. He touches Dean on the forehead and heal his wounds.

"Cas, are you God?" Dean asked, as he stands up, and Castiel smiles a little. "That's a nice compliment. But no. Although, I do believe he brought me and Ariel back. New and improved." He said as Ariel resurrects Bobby, who gasps and sits up. Dean looks down at the Horsemen's rings in his hands and grips them, tightly.

Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.

That night, Dean, Castiel, and Ariel were in the Impala. The men sat in the front seat, while Ariel was in the back.

"What are you two gonna do now?" Dean asked the angels. "Return to Heaven, I suppose." Castiel replied. "Heaven?" Dean asked, surprised. "With Michael in the Cage, we're sure it's total anarchy up there." Ariel said. "So, what, you're the new sheriff in town?" Dean asked her. "I like that. Yeah. I suppose I am." Ariel said. "Which would make Cas my Deputy." She said, smirking a bit before it disappears.

"Wow. God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you two are his bitches again." Dean said. "We don't know what God wants. We're not even sure if he'll even return. It just...seems like the right thing to do." Castiel explained while Ariel stares at Dean. "Well, if you do see him, you tell him I'm coming for him next." Dean growled and Ariel turns to Castiel.

"Cas, can Dean and I talk alone?" She asked and Castiel turns to her and she nods. Next thing, Cas was gone from the front passenger seat and Ariel occupies it. "Dean..." Ariel said while Dean glares at the road. "Look, I know you're angry..." She said. "That's an understatement." Dean muttered.

"But my Father helped. Maybe even more than we realize." Ariel said. "That's easy for you to say. He brought you and Cas back. But what about Sam? What about (y/n)? What about me? What about us, huh? Where's our grand prize? All we got is my brother in a hole!" Dean growled, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "And I got two brothers in the hole as well." Ariel said, firmly, and Dean glances over at her before he looks back at the road.

"You're angry and you're hurting, I get it. Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel....they weren't perfect but they were my big brothers. I always looked up to them. Before Lucifer turned his back on Dad, everything was good...we were happy believe it or not. But then after Lucifer was put into the cage, everything was different. Felt like nobody could be trusted no more. And now Gabriel is dead, Michael and Lucifer are in the cage...Raphael is the only brother I have left but I'm sure he's angry that I interfered and probably won't speak to me." Ariel said as Dean listens but he continues to stay silent.

“Look, I know you’re upset, but this what you, Sam, and (y/n) fought for. No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. Are you saying you would rather have peace over freedom now?” Ariel asked and Dean doesn’t respond. “Try to take comfort in the fact that you three saved billions of innocent lives. Doesn’t that make the sacrifice worth it?” She asked and Dean continues to stay quiet and ignores her question.

"Am I gonna get (y/n) back? If my prize is to face this world, I don't want to do it alone." Dean said and Ariel gives him a sympathetic look. "I have some things to take care of first and then I'll bring her back." Ariel said and Dean glares at her. "How much longer?" He growls, angrily, but Ariel doesn't respond. "You know what? Whatever you got to do, you got a couple of hours to finish it. (Y/n) has a safe house about that far out, so once I get there, she better be there." Dean said, threateningly, and Ariel stares at him then nods before she disappears. "You and Cas suck at saying goodbye." Dean grumbles as he looks back at the road, leaving Dean alone in the Impala with his thoughts for the first time in a long time.

*(y/n)'s POV*

I gasp and, quickly, sit up only to find myself in an old bedroom. I turn to sit on the edge of the bed and place my head against my hands as flashes of what happened comes to my mind. Then I hear the sounds of wings and look up to see Ariel, in her old vessel's body, standing by the doorway of the room.

"Ariel!" I said as I stand up. "D-Did we..?" I asked and she nods. "Lucifer and Michael are both in the cage." Ariel said and my heart drops. "So that means, Sam and Adam are...gone?" I asked and she gives me a sympathetic look before she nods. 

I choke out a sob, sit back down on the bed and place my hands over my face. I feel her hand on my shoulder and I look up at her, my eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry, (y/n)." Ariel said, apologetically, and I give a small nod then I look around.

"Where's Dean?" I asked her. "He should be here soon. He basically threatened me to bring you back here." Ariel said and I scoff out a laugh. "Sounds like him." I said.

"I wanted to say thank you for trusting me, (y/n), and helping with stopping Michael and Lucifer." Ariel said and I nod a bit. "You're welcome. I just wish Sam was here." I said and Ariel frowns at this. "So what are you and Cas gonna do?" I asked, changing the subject. "Well, as we told Dean, with Michael gone, we're gonna try and take control of the angels and be, as Dean said, Sheriffs' of the town." Ariel said.

I huffed out a laugh. "Sounds like a great premise of a TV show." I joked and she chuckles. She turns to me and gives me a motherly smile then said. "I better get going." She said and I stand up. "Will I ever see you or Cas again?" I asked her and she looks off to the side, thinking. "I hope so but if not, I will always be watching over you and Dean." Ariel said

Then she walks up to me and hugs me, I hug her back. "You've been a very good and dear friend to me, (y/n). I'll never forget you." She said and I smile. "Likewise." I said and we break the embrace and at that moment I hear the sounds of a familiar car engine. "You better go." Ariel said as the engine sounds stop and the sound of a car door opening and closing could be heard.

I go to the bedroom door and open it then I look behind me to see Ariel was gone. I frown a bit at this just as the front door opens. "(Y/n)?" I hear Dean calling out to me and I look ahead of me and give a small smile.

"Dean!" I called out as I run out of the room and towards the stairs. I make my way down the steps to see Dean at the bottom of the staircase and I jump off of the last step and leap into Dean's arms, who catches me and holds me tightly. Then he kisses my face, aggressively, while I let out a sob I didn't know was holding in.

I move my head to look at him then he goes to kiss me and I kiss him back. We break the kiss and lean our foreheads against each other. "For a moment I was scared I lost you." He whispered to me and I give a small smile. "I told you, you wouldn't." I said, chuckling, and he scoffs but gives me another kiss.

The next day, we go by Bobby's house and Bobby comes and hugs me. "So glad you're okay, (y/n)." He said as I hug him back. "Me too." I said as we pulls out of our hug then Bobby and Dean hug. Then after they break the hug, Bobby hands Dean a small box and Dean looks up at him, confused.

"Figured you two would need this." Bobby said and Dean opens it and I come up next to him and see that it was a diamond ring. "It was my wife's..." Bobby said as mine and Dean's dropped and we look up at him. "Bobby..." I said, softly. "We can't take this..." Dean said but Bobby shakes his head. "Nah, keep it. Consider it a gift from me." Bobby said and Dean and I share a look before Dean takes the ring out of the box.

"You sure, Bobby?" He asked him. "Yeah, I'm sure." Bobby said and Dean turns to me then takes my left hand and slides the ring on my ring finger. 

This is the last Dean, (y/n) and Bobby will see of each other for a very long time. And, for the record, at this point next week, Bobby will be hunting a Rugaru outside of Dayton. But not Dean and (y/n). Dean didn't want Cas or Ariel to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do it. And neither is (y/n). Because they made a promise.

So, what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test...for Sam, Dean and (y/n). And I think they did all right. Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well...isn't that kinda the whole point?

Weeks had gone by and we were able to fix up the safe house and make it more of a home. We had sold the other safehouses after I cleaned it up and made them more like a home and used the money to help fix up our home. We smiled at our accomplishment and I pick up a bag from the floor and I noticed something shining inside. 

Curious, I dig into the bag and grabbed the item. I pull it out of the bag and opened my hand to see that it was the amulet Dean used to wear but tossed it aside after Cas said it was useless on finding God. I frown at this as I run my thumb over the pendant as it reminded me of Sam a bit cause I remember Sam telling me how he gave Dean this amulet for Christmas.

"Whatcha got there?" Dean asked me, breaking me out of my thoughts. I jump, slightly, at this then turn to him and hold up the amulet. His smile disappears as his eyes widen in shock. "I threw that away...how did you..?" He asked and I sighed. "I picked it up, obviously." I chuckled as I walk up to him, jiggling the amulet.

"Why?" Dean asked and I look up at him. "Cas and Ariel said it was useless cause it didn't help them find God but, to me, it's not." I said as I stand in front of him. "It was always a part of you." I said and I hold the amulet up and he stands there looking at it then at me. 

"May I?" I asked him and he nods and I go to put the amulet on around his neck. He looks down at it and I smile. "Perfect." I said and I look up at him. "Now, he's always with us." I said and Dean furrows his brow but then realized that I was referring to Sam. 

He looks away for a moment and I frown then I place my hand on his cheek. He closes his eyes and I turn his head to face me then he opens his eyes to me. "I know. I miss him too." I said and Dean nods, a tear drop rolls down his face, and I lean up and kiss him, gently, on the lips.

Once we break the kiss, we embraced each other and I lean my head against his chest and I start to think over everything we've been through. I always thought that I would die during a job by either a monster or a demon. But never in my life would I have thought that I would get to settle down, have a home and marry the man I love.

Now that I have this chance at the apple pie life, I’m not gonna let it go. I’ll fight tooth and nail to keep it. This curse over mine and Dean’s family line, ends with us. 

Sam sacrifice himself to give us this life and we’re going to cherish every second of it.

No doubt – endings are hard.

But then again...

nothing ever really ends, does it?