#it's truly like a sleepover! a senior trip even!

[mishkakagehishka]

I am printing "we need to gatekeep the womb war" and framing it on my wall

Maybe I'm just tired but that is one of the greatest, most hilarious phrases I have ever seen in my life thank you Korka jdkskdkdkdkfk

I'm always happy to make people laugh tbh HDHDHDJDJ

[captainsamuelmorrigan]

A synesthete’s ghost story

As long as I can remember, I’ve seen things.

In recent years, I’ve come to know this as “synesthesia”, or a cross-wiring in my brain that allows stimuli from one sense to stimulate another. There are many ways this can happen, the one people most often see is sound to color synesthesia. A lot of excellent musicians have it, where they’ll see colors for notes, or beautiful flowing tapestries for songs. I have emotion to color synesthesia, as well as personality to color, and touch to color synesthesia. This basically means that when strong emotions wash over me, I see an acid trip of colors and patterns, and everyone in my life has a color, which I joke is their “aura”.

Something strange started happening a few years ago though. There would be auras, shaped like people, but no people attached to them. They’d move, and even acknowledge me, but there wasn’t anyone really there. I assumed it was a memory of someone. Like when I remembered something and I’d see the emotion for that. It wasn’t scary because I never saw the auras messing with things or really doing much besides standing or maybe a quick movement and then they’d be gone.

About a year after the auras started, I was in my senior year of highschool. I had started to see them more and more, especially in places I knew were haunted; old buildings, cemeteries, antique shops. I thought that this just meant that I was imagining what the people of the places looked like and assigning them an aura subconsciously. They were always good colors, like green, or purple, or blue.

A random Saturday between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I was invited to a sleepover that a friend was hosting. It would be me, the host, and two mutual friends. The host was forest green, one friend was baby blue, and the other was a deep purple leaning towards red. I arrived at Green’s house hours before Blue and Purple were going to show up. The house was alight with more candles than I had ever seen before, the scents mingling in the air were sickeningly sweet. Green invited me into her bedroom, and we chatted for a little while.

Suddenly, an Aura passed by her door, it was off-white in a diseased-yellow way, tendrils trailing behind it. It was gone, passed the doorway faster than I truly registered it. It was then that I began to feel funny, my head felt light and my mouth couldn’t seem to keep a smile off my lips. I started to giggle uncontrollably, turning into full belly laughs.

Green looked uncomfortable, asking “Hey, you alright?”

I took a few deep breaths, wiping the laughing tears from my eyes as I started to calm myself. “Yeah, sorry, that just happens when I’m nervous. Sometimes when places are haunted and the energy is off, it can mess with my head.”

Green was pagan, she didn’t take ghosts lightly. She got me a snack and we continued chatting, getting into more friendly banter as we waited for the others to arrive. As time passed we started to make dinner. Blue and Purple arrived and we got to our simple pleasures of mac and cheese.

I was eating quietly at the counter when the light-headed feeling struck again, though this time it was accompanied by this insane feeling of delight, a full delirium that felt like I was capable of awful things at that moment. It was terrifying. I slid to the floor, curling up on myself as I laughed like a lunatic, a mix of my own fear and someone else’s mania flooding my mind. I tried the calming breaths from before. They weren’t working! In. Out. In. Out. Laughing and laughing. I could see the mix of insanity across my vision, a full rainbow moving like an oil slick filter in front of my eyes: happiness. A tinge of green creeping in from the edges like ice on glass: fear.

Green, being the witch she was, ran to her room, returning a moment later with a grounding stone, pressing it into my palm. All at once the mania was gone. I could wipe my eyes again, and the fear subsided. Something was still there though, on the edges of my mind. The plus was I could finally finish my dinner.

Purple and Blue now thoroughly freaked out, asked what was going on, and I explained the events. I explained the aura and the laughing, and how those usually only happened at haunted places, and never this strong. Green instructed me to keep the stone in my hand.

The music we had playing from the TV, some pop stuff, suddenly increased in volume and before I could really know what was happening, a sentence fell from my lips, not really my own words;

“He likes loud noises.”

“Who likes loud noises?” Asked Green, her eyebrows knitting together as her jaw set with concern.

“The ghost? This seems like a ghost.” I said, more sure that this wasn’t just some memory now.

I felt a tug at my chest, not physically, but like an order. I had to draw.

I had been an artist my whole life, seeing emotions kind of did that to you. You would see something you felt and need to put it on paper before it consumed your vision. This time was different though, as I put the stone down to grab my sketchpad and pencil, small images came to me. A hard nose, a receding hairline, hardened eyes… I eventually had a police-sketch worthy drawing of some old man in overalls, his face carved with heavy wrinkles and lines.

“I think he has a head injury.” I muttered under my breath. The sketch didn’t show an injury? He didn’t look like he had any sort of injury. The TV audio raised again on its own.

Suddenly, there was a royal blue Aura, much shorter than the sickly-yellow one. It was there and gone in an instant. Green looked like she had seen it too. She quickly came over and took a picture of the drawing, a forced smile on her face as she said she just wanted to show her mom, just to see if she recognized him. She scampered off to her mother’s room, down the hall from the living room we were currently sitting in. Once she was gone, I held the stone again, feeling as though the drawing was complete. Instead of feeling safe, I felt like I was holding onto a dingy in shark infested waters.

Purple, Blue, and I heard a commotion come from Green’s mom’s room. The short woman came walking in with purpose, asking where the black candles and black salt were. Green quickly helped her to pull out sage, black salt, and the black candles. Both of their faces were deadly serious. This mother figure was a lovely Lilac color. Lilac began to sage the space, commanding Sickly-Yellow to leave.

I felt as though I was getting battered by an ocean current. This deep, horrible anger entered me, with flashes of basement stairs. The basement stairs looked old as dirt, the wood rotting a little, leading down to a basement that was dirty cement lit by the light from the door. Green held onto Blue and I as Purple sat on the edge of the couch away from us, trying to look brave even though he definitely wasn’t.

Once Lilac had cleansed the space enough for her to breath, she leaned against the countertop of the kitchen, across from the couch. “So, that man that you drew, he’s (Royal Blue)’s father.”

We all looked at her, stunned. She began to explain in the house she grew up in, she saw RB, a young boy quite often. He had sworn to protect her and had followed her through her life as her spirit protector. However, as she grew in her small house in the south, she grew to know of RB’s death.

RB’s family had contracted Typhoid, and it had killed RB’s mother. Both RB and SY had ended up riddled with fever, SY getting the worst of it. It had cooked his brain, driving him insane. Typhoid was also known to cause meningitis, which caused hearing loss. SY, in his crazed state had convinced himself that his son had killed his wife and was possessed by the devil. So he drew up a plan to kill his son before he could get to him too. RB, weakened by fever, followed his father down into the basement where SY had struck him over the head with a shovel.

All of this suddenly made sense. The sickly yellow aura, the “loud noises” comment, the manic and insane feelings, the images of the stairs, and the head injury. All of us looked at Lilac, absolutely stunned. Lilac asked for Green’s help and they began to cleanse the space once more, going up to the threshold of the back door and ushering the energy out with the smoke. Lilac lit the black candle and cleansed herself, calling me over. At this point I was feeling so drained I could barely think straight. She instructed me on how to cleanse myself, and told me to firmly tell Sickly-Yellow to leave.

I did as I was told.

The last step was to get rid of the creation, the drawing. Green ripped it out of my sketchbook, and I almost protested, feeling attached to it in an uncomfortable, protective way. The uncomfortable feeling convinced me to keep my objections to myself. Green and Lilac took a lighter and the drawing outside. Blue, Purple and I watched as they fought to light it. The wind blew out the flame almost a dozen times, the paper seemed to be flame-retardant, which considering how cheap of a sketchbook it was, seemed highly unlikely. After a good 10 minutes of watching them struggle, Lilac drew some signs in the air and chanted something I couldn’t make out before the paper finally caught, burning to ash in a matter of minutes.

When they came inside, Lilac said how a small piece hadn’t burned. They had to bury it so it would be safely returned to the earth. That was troubling, but at least we were safe for the time being. They then decided to tell us all the candles earlier were meant to ward off the troubling spirits that had RB worried. Apparently I worked like a magnet for ghosts, since I could see them and communicate for them, and SY had fully taken advantage.

[moldisgoodforyou]

valentine’s day

warnings: cursing as per usual. also. angsty!!! blame the anon tho not me I accept zero responsibility for anything here. it’s about the GROWTH people

wordcount: 2.2k

source: @obi-kin​

Rafe called Sophie at 5pm on Valentine’s Day, his tone unusually bright. Sophie had been in the architecture studio all week and they hadn’t seen each other in a few days, so he was especially eager to take her out. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was a sucker for romance. His last long-term girlfriend hadn’t really entertained it, and made fun of him often for trying too hard. While Sophie might have occasionally ribbed him for his gestures, she made a point to show him she appreciated it, which always made him more eager to please.

“Hey! Will you be ready soon? I’ll pick you up,” Rafe greeted when she answered.

“Ready?” Sophie sounded distant, with her phone on speaker lying on the desk next to her work.

“...Yes? That’s what I said, are you ready?” He cocked his head with the phone pressed to his ear, thinking he might have had bad reception.

She furrowed her brow, trying to think if she had forgotten something. She was usually meticulous about her plans, marking everything down in her calendar no matter what. “Ready for what?”

From his voice, she could tell he was becoming more and more deflated, but couldn’t quite place why.

“Soph, you’re serious?”

She wrinkled her nose a little at the question. “Yes, I’m serious. What am I missing here?”

“Ready for dinner. Downtown.” Rafe didn’t give her anything more, hoping she’d remember, hoping she didn’t completely forget something he’d been looking forward to for the past week. He ran his hand through his hair impatiently as he waited for her response.

She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to remember. “Rafe, I can’t go to dinner tonight, I have to work on my project due Friday. I got caught up with helping some of my students earlier.”

To him, she didn’t sound the least bit apologetic, just factual. He was silent, almost in disbelief for a moment. “Right. I forgot school comes first.”

His tone was more bitter than he intended, and she almost flinched just hearing it over the phone, her own voice growing apologetic. “Well, yeah, I have to -”

“S’whatever.” He cut her off abruptly. “I have to go. Have fun with your project.”

“Rafe...” she tried, unsuccessful as he hung up. Feeling uneasy, she briefly debated calling him back to figure out what was up, but another student knocked on the studio door and she got distracted helping them try to find spare supplies. After a while, she decided to just push it off and ignore it, chalking it up to a bad day on his end.

A few hours later, when it was nearing midnight, Rafe shot her a text - a simple ‘How much longer? I’ll come drive you home.’ He had cancelled their dinner reservation and got Mexican with the boys instead, but resisted from indulging in the drink specials, knowing he still wanted to see Sophie despite her forgetting their plans.

Still a little stung from his comments (and completely unaware of what she did), she shot back her text right away - ‘I’m fine, I’ll walk.’ She was packing up her things when he texted, planning on leaving soon anyways, but wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of seeing her after his demeanor on the phone.

Always loyal, Rafe was already waiting out front in his car when she walked out a few minutes later. She scowled at his stubbornness that rivaled hers but strolled up to the car anyways and opened the door, but didn’t get in just yet. “Are you still mad at me?”

He paused for a moment, considering his response. “I’m not really happy with you right now, no. But get in. I don’t want you walking home alone.”

She sighed but climbed in, setting her backpack at her feet, and crossed her arms across her chest with a little huff. “Look, Rafe, I don’t know what I did to make you all pissed off, but -”

Rafe leaned back and pulled out a bouquet of flowers from the backseat, setting it in her lap. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Dead silence.

Her jaw dropped and she glanced at her phone for the date, just to confirm how badly she’d screwed up. “I...fuck,” she whispered, swallowing hard.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t forget. Tried giving you the benefit of the doubt, you know.” His voice softened a little but he kept his eyes trained on the road, tapping his thumb on the steering wheel.

Sophie looked like she was about to cry, shrinking back into her seat as her cheeks grew hot. “I’m so, so sorry, Rafe. I guess I thought it was next week or something. I know this was important to you.”

He exhaled at her apology, glancing over with concern when he saw her wobbling lip and teary eyes. “It’s fine, Soph, it’s nothing to cry over.”

“No, I - you’ve been so sweet, and so supportive, and I was being totally selfish,” she started rambling, reaching out for him and only stopping once he took her hand and squeezed gently. He only wanted to make her realize how he felt for a moment, not to make her truly upset.

It was like all the stress from the past week had all piled up on her at once and this was the tipping point, something she could have controlled. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment to compose herself. “I’m going to make it up to you. Saturday. I mean it.”

He turned to her at the stoplight and ran his thumb over her cheekbone, trying to calm her down. “What if I have homework?”

“Oh.” Sophie’s face fell. “Right, never mind -”

Rafe laughed a little, shaking his head quickly. “No, no, I’m sorry, that was mean. Saturday, then?”

“Yes.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Saturday, belated Valentine’s Day. I won’t be a terrible girlfriend.”

“You’re not a terrible girlfriend.” He hesitated before continuing, pulling up on the street outside her sorority house and turning off the car so he could walk her to the door like always. “Just, um.” After a few seconds, he shook his head. “Never mind.”

“No, tell me.” She reached out and took his hand again, brows knitting together in concern.

He spoke quickly, only making eye contact once he got it all out. “Sometimes I feel like second place to your schoolwork.” After a moment’s pause, he added quickly, “and it’s not a big deal, I really admire how hard you work and I know it’s important to you. But.” He shrugged. “It just felt like something I should tell you.”

“Rafe, baby...” She frowned, squeezing his hand in reassurance upon hearing his confession. “I love you so damn much, you know that?”

He nodded and leaned over to kiss her, hating the way her eyes started welling up with tears again. “I know. I love you too. We don’t have to talk about it, it doesn’t really matter.”

“It does matter.” She shook her head and threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. “I fucked up, and I’ve been getting way too caught up with school. That’s not fair to you.”

“I know you’re busy.” He mumbled, pressing his head into her touch. “S’okay. I’m being needy, or whatever.”

“You’re not.” She crawled over the center console without a second thought, albeit a little awkwardly, and threw her arms around him once she sat on his lap, holding him close. “That thought hasn’t occurred to me once. Ever.”

He let his head rest against her shoulder, nuzzling into her. “You’re sure? Because my ex -”

“Rafe.” She frowned as she cut him off. “I’m sure.” She told him confidently, rubbing small little circles against his back. “I’ve missed you, I’ve been way too busy. And I’m so sorry I fucked up Valentine’s Day for you, I know you’d been looking forward to it.”

He hummed in acknowledgment against her neck, relaxing more at her touch. “Do I get you the whole day Saturday?”

“The whole weekend, even.” She smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

He laughed and lifted his head, giving her a sweet kiss. “Two whole days with just you might be too much to handle.”

She blushed and poked his stomach, holding back a grin. “Stop it, you love me.”

“I do. My favorite.” He grinned and kissed her again, then nodded toward her sorority house. “Any chance I could come up with you?”

“Depends, do you want to watch Gone Girl with my roommates?”

Rafe furrowed his brow in concern. “Gone Girl? On Valentine’s Day?”

“Yes.” She nodded once. “We’ve all been single on the holiday for the last two years, it’s tradition.”

“Can’t partake in tradition if you’re locked down.” He teased. “Unfortunately the boys are home tonight too, so. Looks like we’re both going home to empty beds.”

Sophie scowled and leaned forward, bumping their noses together then resting her forehead on his. “Three more months and then we’ll have our own rooms in senior houses to have all the sleepovers we want.”

“Ah, not quite. Three more months and then you’re leaving me for a whole more three months.” Rafe corrected, resting his hands on her hips and rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs.

“Don’t remind me, that’s the worst part.” She groaned, dropping her head down to his shoulder. “I’m gonna pack you in my suitcase, you think you can make the flight in cargo?”

“Nah, you’d miss out on the clothing space.” He nudged her with his shoulder. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She mumbled against his neck, not wanting to let him go.

“As comfortable as this is, can we move to the backseat if we’re stuck here for a second? I want to give you your gift.”

She lifted her head and nodded, then crawled into the backseat, Rafe laughing as he got out then slid in the back with her. Sophie grabbed her backpack from the front seat. “Wait, me first. Close your eyes. It’s not wrapped yet, because I wasn’t ready - well, um. Just close your eyes.” She tripped over her words, cheeks feeling hot again as she thought again about how poorly she handled the day.

He reached out and squeezed her shoulders quickly. “It’s alright, Soph.”

“It’s not. But just close your eyes.”

Rafe nodded dutifully and shut his eyes, holding out an expectant hand. She placed a small wooden jewelry box in it, unwrapped, with dark red felt lining and a little grid organizer inside. He opened his eyes and furrowed his brow for a moment, running his thumb over the stained wood with his engraved initials on top. “It’s a box?”

She laughed. “Open it.”

He undid the latch and grinned once he realized what it was, with one of his rings she had ‘borrowed’ nestled inside. “How’d you know I needed one of these?”

“Because you’re always putting them in terrible spots. I took that one from the cupholder in your car last week.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “I made it, is it okay? Do you like it?”

“It’s awesome, Soph.” He leaned forward and kissed her quickly once he noticed her nerves. “I can’t believe you can make this kind of stuff, it’s fucking cool.”

She smiled, relaxing a little. “It’s not much, but I think it could be useful. Better than just setting your rings on your counter, anyways.”

“I love it.” He smiled back, then reached down and pulled out a gift bag from under the seat, handing it to her. “This is kind of...well, I don’t know, it’s not really a romantic gift. So maybe lower your expectations.” He warned.

Sophie raised her eyebrows, confused, until she unwrapped the gift and pulled out a big set of nice drawing markers, meant for architecture. Her meager eight pack had been steadily drying out over the semester, bought second hand from an older student, and were barely getting her by. She hadn’t realized he noticed from his time just hanging out in the studio with her.

“Wow.” She breathed out, unzipping the case and running her fingers over the markers all lined up.

“Is it okay? That’s the brand you use, right? And the colors are okay?” His eyes flitted over her face with brief concern.

She nodded quickly and set them aside, pulling him into a hug. “It’s perfect, Rafe, I don’t think you know how much I needed those.” She took a deep breath, a little shaky.

“You’re welcome, baby.” He ran his hands up and down her back, pulling her into his lap. “Hey. No crying.”

She sniffled a little, mumbling into his shirt. “M’not crying.”

“You are too, I can hear it.” He pressed a kiss to her temple and she lifted her head to kiss his lips. “I don’t like it when you cry.”

“I don’t like crying when I’m with you.” She gave herself a moment to compose herself. “Thank you, Rafe, so much. You’re too good to me.”

“No such thing.” He kissed her long and slow, cupping his hand against her cheek. “I love you Soph, no matter what.”

“Love you too. I promise, I’ll make Valentine’s Day up to you this weekend. You can hold this over me forever.” She teased, tugging gently on the ends of his hair.

He laughed, shaking his head. “Forever’s a long time.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll need it if you’re gonna put up with me for that long.” She grinned and kissed him quickly, not giving him a second to think about her words before crawling off his lap and grabbing the flowers and her gift. “I love you. You’re my favorite, I mean it.”

“Mine too.” He took the hint and helped her out of the car, then walked her to the door. “Sweet dreams, angel.”

taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @sunshineitsfine44 @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23

[meepmorpperaltiago]

Slipping Through My Fingers All The Time

I started a marvel binge about a month ago and I’ve been hyperfixating on spideychelle for a while now – so I started this fic and then realised the last prompt of @mjweek fit perfectly! This is a crazy long fic by my standards but I hope you like it!

The first time May hears Michelle Jones’ name is after the Washington Incident. She doesn’t particularly register it, not with everything else happening in their lives at that point. She’s just another one of his classmates, only just edging into the category of “friend”, if something like that can even be categorised at all.

She doesn’t hear the girls’ nickname for a while either.

Until one day, when Peter casually asks: “Would you mind if MJ slept over along with Ned?”

“MJ?”, she questions, turning towards him with a puzzled look.

“Michelle Jones... you know, the new Academic Decathlon Captain? Her friends call her MJ and now I guess Ned and I allowed to call her that since we’re her friends”.

She seems to bond to their group increasingly after Homecoming and then after the Blip. She’s not rude by any means, but she doesn’t really say a lot in comparison to her friends, so May doesn’t ever particularly chat to her in any depth beyond polite greetings and queries about being picked up after late night study -sessions-turned-sleepovers.

But as a platonic trio, the three of them seem to be on good ground.

Looking back, she’s not sure she could pinpoint when exactly when the true shift happened.

Slowly but steadily, Peter mentions her more and more in a way he’s never talked about any other friend before, even more than he used to mention Liz. It reaches a point where she expects to hear about the latest “badass” thing that MJ did whenever she asks him how school was that day, right alongside tales of their gang’s usual exploits and the regular gossip of Midtown. It’s not to an unhealthy or obsessive extent, but it’s enough for her to realise that something must be going on between them, even if it’s just a spark.

Not wanting to put pressure on Peter to talk about it, she waits patiently for her suspicions to be confirmed, because she becomes more and more certain every day that there’s something there.

A few weeks before the big school trip to Europe and what they’re both hoping will be a much deserved break, she comes home to Peter furiously scribbling something onto a scrappy frayed bit of paper, his entire face scrunched into fierce concentration.

“Are you designing a new suit or something?”, she casually asks, that being the only thing she can think of in spite of her nephews’ lack of artistic talent.

“Oh no”, is his slightly shy response. “It’s just... a plan...”

That confuses her even more and she sits down beside him, finally looking at what he’s been writing down whilst asking him: “a plan for what? World domination? Have you decided to go all angsty hero turned supervillain on us?”

He laughs at that and then explains himself. “I really like MJ. I wanna tell her how I feel in Europe and I thought it would be better to just write it down rather than winging it. I tried to just be honest with her earlier today and after I said that I had something I wanted to tell her I kind of froze... and ran... very fast... and elephant like... a lot of people stared, it was very noisy and embarrassing.”

She sits with him for about an hour after that, helping him to develop his pretty loose plan into something more concrete. She also had the sad thought that if Tony was still around he would’ve been all over this situation, helping Peter. It’s yet another figure in his life who will never be there for the big moments, but all she can do is try her best for him, like she has done since he was 4 years old and they all realised his parents’ weren’t coming back from that damn plane crash.

In the end, the trip of course gets derailed by (what else?) more superhero stuff and even before what follows a few weeks later, she feels awful that he can’t take a pause from stress and danger for even two weeks, at the age of just 16. He’s still just a kid, but the weight of the world never seems to lift from his shoulders.

But the one positive is that it looks like he didn’t need the plan. When they’re driving home from the airport, the first thing he talks and talks and talks about is everything that happened with him and MJ. Apparently she loved the necklace even though it was broken, they kissed 3 times on Tower Bridge (and a few more times on the way home) and now they’re going on a date soon. She questions if swinging around New York might be a bit intense, but he shrugs her off, saying that it’ll be fine.

She finds out later that it wasn’t fine, but everything that follows after their date completely crashes into everything and makes that detail anecdotal.

Everything changes after Mysterio’s video – at first he runs for far too long and she’s so worried and it breaks her heart to read all the awful, untrue things that damn Daily Bugle keeps on pumping out. The physical copy would be better off used as toilet paper in her opinion (she can’t think of anything as witty for the more popular digital version, but she’s trying). They all meet with him undercover, sporadically, supporting him in whatever way they can.

After an adventure involving Dr Strange (she’s proud of the fact that learnt his name properly now) and weirdest of all several other Spider-Men, he finally comes home and even though everything is still completely uprooted and unstable, at least she has him back now.

For everything that still comes afterward, for every run in with photographers and crazed fans and every time the danger they’re all in now that the world knows becomes apparent, she’s there to pick him back up. And MJ and Ned are too.

She notices that he comes back from patrols even later and when she talks to him about it he admits with a shy blush that he’s been stopping by MJ’s room every night for weeks now. It all seems very Romeo and Juliet. She also chuckles when it’s brought up in conversation with MJ’s mother, because of course she knows he’s there when they think they’re being so sneaky and secretive. How he managed to keep his identity hidden for so long, she’ll never know.

Over time, she gets to know MJ pretty well too: she learns that she’s smart and fierce and sarcastic and cynical in a way that balances Peter’s eternal sunshine perfectly. They really do fit together like pieces of an extremely adorable puzzle.

Her usually mended heart breaks a little when she realises how well she would’ve gotten along with Ben. But eventually she puts that thought away in a precious mental box, carefully kept and full of now bittersweet memories. She simply allows herself to share in her nephews’ new found and long overdue joy.

She truly realises the depth of their feelings for each other in unfortunate to say the least circumstances. A hammering from the Green Goblin puts him in hospital unconscious for a week even with his advanced healing abilities and MJ won’t leave his side for a second, holding onto the broken black dahlia necklace like it’s the only thing anchoring her to reality even after Ned has finally been persuaded to go home to bed. They sleep in plasticky, slightly sticky and hard hospital chairs right next to each other and when Peter finally wakes up the next afternoon he looks so happy to see the 3 people he loves most in the world carefully watching him.

She’s never seen him more scared than the first time a bad guy kidnaps MJ. They were aware that something like this was likely, the girl even prepared herself with self defence classes and her boyfriend is a literal freakin’ superhero. But still, when he finds her, May can see through the security footage that her and Ned are nervously watching, that he holds her with such relief, like she’s the most precious thing in the world.

They of course go to senior prom together and take the classic photos before they go — it’s incredibly corny but their radiant smiles put a bright grin on her face too.

They go long distance for college and although they’re both worried about growing apart, they seem to just get closer, moving into a cramped apartment in their second year.

She comes over for dinner (Peter has always been a disaster in the kitchen, but MJ’s competent enough to keep them from completely living off take out) and the three of them chat and laugh together and they’re not even out of college yet but MJ already feels like family.

What she doesn’t expect is for him to call her at 2am, in floods of tears, barely able to explain to her what happened except “I’ve fucked everything up, oh my god, I’ve fucked everything up...”

Eventually May gets a bigger picture through his tears (“it’s so stupid”, he hiccups down the phone). Essentially it all boils down to a lack of communication and small things boiling over into a blow out fight. Now she’s walking out in sheer anger and he’s frozen in panic. May feels panicked too, feeling the pressure of giving Peter the right advice when she’s honestly not sure how she would handle the situation. He might be all grown up, at college with a long term living together relationship, but sometimes she’s reminded of how young he still is.

She ends up telling him to run after MJ and apparently he does just that, rushing out into the pouring rain and kissing her through tearful apologies from both of them in what sounds like something straight out of a rom com. After that, they get better at sharing how they’re feeling and their relationship seems all the better for it.

She gives him her old engagement ring just after their two year anniversary of living together, after he comes to her apartment with an excited grin, telling her that he wants to propose. An everlasting symbol of her old love, of the love her and Ben shared, that their child can now share with the love of his life.

“So what’s your big plan?” she asks him excitedly over coffee in the mug he bought her a few birthdays back.

“Well, she hates public proposals, so I can’t do that – I was thinking of doing something at home, something cosy...”

That’s exactly what he does.

May helps him with his plan, just as she did 5 years ago – except this time she’s a little bit more directly involved.

Luckily, May and MJ already have a regular rom com night every few weeks, so MJ isn’t too surprised or suspicious when she invites her ‘round for an afternoon of Bridget Jones. Just as the perpetually single heroine is giving birth to Colin Firth’s baby, she gets a thumbs up text from Peter, letting her know that he’s ready to go.

MJ took the bus here, so May suggests they go back to the apartment together, because she couldn’t bear the idea of not being around for what awaits MJ at home. MJ gives her a strange look but just rolls with it.

When MJ opens the apartment door after saying goodbye to May, the lights are dimmed, except for a glowing structure in the corner, which Peter comes out of grinning.

“I made you a fort!” he declares happily with his arms in the air. As MJ grins and laughs and kisses him as she jumps into his arms, she takes that as a cue to fully leave them alone.

She stands and waits and wonders what’s happening inside. She could see that he’d filled the inside of the fort with fairy lights and she knows that he was planning on ordering MJ’s favourite food (pepperoni pizza) and putting on a murder documentary she’d been talking about for weeks.

After what must’ve been the time for them to eat their pizza and watch the documentary, plus about 7 minutes give or take, they open the door. They both have tears in their eyes as MJ holds up her left hand to show May the newly placed ring on her finger.

They have placeholder seats in the ceremony, for everyone who’s not there, who would’ve been there. Who should’ve been there. Everyone lost isn’t forgotten and it’s as heartwarming as it is sad.

He goes back to May’s the night before the wedding out of superstition and tradition. She wakes him up pretty early and he complains until he realises what day it is. He shares a soft phone call with MJ as soon as he’s awake enough to hold a conversation, but May has no idea what’s being said, as she goes to the kitchen, wanting to give them both privacy.

She makes sure to tell Peter how proud she is of him when she’s helping him tie his tie like he’s back in high school and getting ready for Homecoming.

When he sees MJ walk down the aisle, they both look at each other like they’re being given the entire world.

Peter speaks first, nervously taking cue cards out of his pocket and saying: “MJ, I know that you hate clichés and corny lines, so I’m not going to use any. Instead, I’m just going to make a bunch of promises. I promise to support you and stand by your side, to have your back in the way that you always have mine. I promise to always be there to make you smile when you’re sad. I promise to watch scary horror movies with you, even if they really scare me. I promise not to spoil endings of things. I promise to love you forever.”

An already tearful MJ follows him with: “Peter, a long time ago, I told you that I don’t have much luck when it comes to getting close to people. But that’s not been true for a long time, thanks to you. Sorry to use clichés my vows after you cut them out of yours, but I feel so damn lucky to be marrying my best friend. I promise to stand by you and fight for you even when you’re being really stupid, I promise to support all of your nerdy stuff and most of all, I promise to always love you, dork”

May thinks back on everything her boy has suffered through, everything that has been put upon him for so long. Seeing him brimming with joy, gazing lovingly at his wife, surrounded by everyone who loves and supports them both, she bursts into tears herself.

It’s one of the happiest days of her life .It’s only matched by her both of her wedding days and the days that Benjamin Anthony Parker-Jones and Taylor-May Parker-Jones are born.

[florenceandthemachine]

talk to me about stiles and jackson sharing clothes. jackson, who has never worn anything that isn’t designer, in stiles’ flannel shirts from walmart because they smell like him and they make him feel close to stiles when they’re apart all day at school. and stiles in jackson’s preppy little button-ups and his leather jackets, feeling a little ridiculous at first, but melting every time jackson grins and pulls him in for a hungry, possessive kiss :’)

It starts, like so many big things do, in a small way. 

They didn’t have a lot of opportunity to do something as simple as switching a shirt when they were in high school. They got together in their junior year, around Christmas break (in a way that both romantic and heartfelt and adorable, but that’s a tale for a different time) but all of the regular cute couples things were somewhat out of the question for them.

Date nights weren’t watching movies or going out to eat, they were fighting villains and dodging bullets.

Study breaks were spent scrabbling for any information on the newest mythological beings, not rewarding one another with kisses after mock SAT questions.

And Jackson felt a pang of irritation whenever a normal human couple did anything like wear a matching outfit in his visual range, because when it came to clothing, his concern was finding anything that was free of blood, tears, or other supernatural goop—not being cute with his boyfriend. He was... a little bitter about that particular path of things, honestly.

On a game day, for example, Stiles couldn’t sit in the stands and wear Jackson’s jersey and cheer him on, because he was wearing his own jersey, on the field, getting cheered on himself.

There was no point in giving Stiles his letter jacket to wear, because Jackson had bought him his own (and while he was livid with his own stupidity in missing that opportunity, the low thrum of pride Stiles gave off whenever he wore it, no matter how hard he denied it, would always be worth it to Jackson).

Hell, even after late night sleepovers, they still stuck to their own wardrobe; Jackson was broad while Stiles was stick thin, and Stiles was lanky where Jackson was lean, so it was only comfortable to stick with what they had.

—

The summer before senior year, though, everything changed.

Mostly because Stiles disappeared for two weeks.

(It was way more than that, he insisted, it was closer to six months than two weeks; but when he mentioned that, he could hear Jackson’s heart actually break, and he had long since given up trying to figure out how time worked in different dimensions.)

Once he rejoined the land of the living, the first thing Jackson did (after refusing to let Stiles out of his sight for days and crying, quietly, which wouldn’t have been funny in the best of times) was teach him how to fight. Stiles was already apt with his baseball bat, a lacrosse stick, and a handful of mountain ash, so Jackson took it on himself to teach Stiles all of the dirty tricks he had learned from Derek and Scott—he basically gave Stiles his own werewolf how-to, and wasn't satisfied until even Derek noticed how strong he was getting.

The second thing Jackson did, which he absolutely did not tell anyone about and had every intention on keeping this himself, was steal three or four undershirts from Stiles gym bag and keep them in the back of his closet. It helped him, loathe as he was to admit it, to have a ready-source of Stiles scent on the rare nights they were apart. 

Stiles, the nosy fucker, found out almost immediately. 

Jackson was rendered speechless as Stiles pulled out the undershirts, his face beet read and mouth clamped shut, and his heart sunk as Stiles left the room, his face going from beet red to sheet white, and he stumbled over himself trying to chase Stiles down, worst case scenarios running through his mind, stealing Stiles clothing was weird, he knew it was weird, he was so stupid, why did he—

He was so caught up in his mind that he almost tripped over Stiles, who had not run from the house in disgust (the relief Jackson felt was palpable) but instead was rooting through his backpack.

He was silent as he stood up, one of Jackson’s ridiculously expensive watches in his fingers, and Jackson’s mind was stuck in a reboot until Stiles spoke, taking his turn to go beet red. 

“I get it. I, uh, I stole the heaviest one out of your drawer, the weight is... comforting? I guess? I don’t know, it’s so weird, I’m so sorry,but I know you don’t wear them anyway. It just... I thought that if I got taken again, I would have still had this, from you, so I wouldn’t forget you.”

The old Jackson would have snarked that yeah, it’s the heaviest watch he owns because it’s a fucking platinum built Rolex Daytona, there are custom diamonds in the watch face, it cost more than his Porsche so give it the fuck back right now before you scratch it.

This Jackson didn’t have a chance to say any of that, because he was busy wrapping Stiles in his arms, whispering that no matter what happened, Stiles would never be taken from him ever again. Another truly embarrassing moment, at least it would have been if Stiles wasn’t clinging back to him just as hard. 

—

Things are... better after that. But even Jackson can admit, the bar was fucking low.

Stiles had filled out in his time... away. His shoulders were broader and while he was still built for speed, he was no longer swimming in any of Jackson’s clothes—and even better, Jackson had an easier time getting his scent fix from Stiles when he could actually fit into Stiles shirts (instead of just burying his face in them, late at night when he was alone, rutting into his mattress like a bitch in heat). 

Jackson looked surprised in himself the first time he shrugged on one of Stiles long sleeved, flannel monstrosities, the softness of the fabric a pleasant surprise against his skin. 

Stiles, on the other hand, was a mess. The colors made Jackson just look so... soft, so good, and even as his heart swelled his mouth was going a mile a minute, because how dare Jackson look so good in one of his shirts, the same shirt that even Scott said made him look like a giant dork, the audacity, the fucking nerve—

He shuts up quick when Jackson crowds into his space, hands on his hips.

“Stiles, it only looks good on me because it’s something you love. I look my best when I feel like I’m yours. I look... no, I am my best when I’m with you.”

And, hell, even if Stiles wanted to argue with that, he couldn’t find his voice. 

—

Jackson gains a knack for blending their wardrobes after that, matching up one of Stiles heavy flannels with his own thousand dollar jeans, or walking around his house in one of Stiles jerseys over his boxers. 

Stiles isn’t... as comfortable as Jackson is to start.

He still has Jackson’s watch, and he wears it almost every day. Jackson may have superhuman speed and senses, but there is something about that consistant weight, right on his pulse point, that helps him head off many a panic attack before they arise.

He develops a habit of tapping against the face of the watch with his free hand. Jackson looks concerned at first, but when he brings it up, Stiles just blushes and says “oh, uh. I don’t know, I was just thinking of you is all.”

It’s all Jackson’s fault that their late for fourth period after that, because he basically drags Stiles to the nearest janitor closet to cover himself in Stiles scent in a decidedly sexy way.

Overall, Jackson wants to push—he really, really does—but he knows well enough not to. He knows that Stiles treats his many many layers as a defense in the same way Jackson had hid behind his own glamour and flashy personality, so even though he would give his left leg to see Stiles in one of his well worn jackets or even a jersey, he bides his time.

For once in his life, fate seems to be on his side, because he doesn’t have to wait long. 

—

They make the determination early on to try and experience as much humanity as physically possible in their senior year, and a staple of humanity was Lydias house parties.  Lydia had grown into herself as well (not that anyone other than pack would notice the difference), but her ragers were the social event of the lifetime, and Jackson and Stiles basically had standing invitations. 

This particular party was for something something Fall Homecoming Midterms something, Jackson wasn’t paying attention. Winter had come on a little early, and even though it was plenty warm when they showed up at the lake house, the temperature dipped by the time Lydia kisses them goodbye, and Stiles was shivering by the time they were halfway to the car. 

Jackson doesn’t even roll his eyes before he shrugs out of his jacket, which was more of an accessory than anything—werewolves always ran hot—and draped it over Stiles shoulders. 

Stiles, again, went red, his mouth clamping shut as he felt the leather on his skin, and Jackson finally felt confident enough (or maybe buzzed enough, Lydia was wicked with her wolfsbane punch once she had the ratio down pat) to mention it.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it.”

“What?”

“Seriously, Stiles. It’s okay if you don’t like wearing my things.”

Stiles just looked at him like he grew a second head, and Jackson let out a grunt as he shook his head.

“Come on, I’m not an idiot. I know it makes you uncomfortable. I can just start carrying another jacket for you in the car, and,” and he was thankful Stiles wouldn’t hear his heartbeat twitch, “and if it makes you that uncomfortable, I’ll stop wearing your clothes too.”

It would kill him, but he would, if that was what Stiles wanted.

To his credit, Stiles recovered quickly, squawking out his disapproval as he pulled Jackson aside, out of the path of some of the partygoers behind them.

“Baby, no. I love you wearing my clothes.” 

Jackson pretended that his entire body didn’t flood with relief. 

“Then what the fuck, Stiles? You think I wouldn’t love seeing you in my stuff too?”

“Jacks, that’s the fucking problem! I would... I would love it. Too much.”

Steady heartbeat. Jackson resisted the urge to call bullshit and waited for Stiles to continue.

“I... I love it, Jackson. I love wearing your jacket and I love wearing your watch, but it overwhelms me sometimes, even... even with something as simple as your jacket, I feel good. It feels so fucking good because it feels... it feels like I’m yours, but more than that. It literally makes me feel like I belong to you, and it feels so fucked up to love it as much as I do, but I do love it, and I love you, and I feel so guilty because it’s so creepy and I don’t want to be putting you in that position, and it scares me because the last time I felt like someone else had this much power over me I was killing my friends and—“

Jackson’s lips are on his in second, hungry and needing, but also giving Stiles the headspace to come down from his panic and inhale. Jackson has him pinned against the Porsche and Stiles fucking mewls, the blush blooming across his face and neck as Jackson finally comes up for air. His voice is panting, soft, hesitant but so hopeful when he speaks next.

“You don’t... think it’s creepy, or weird? You’re okay with this?”

Jackson growls, low in his throat, eyes flashing blue as he boxes Stiles in with his hips, letting Stiles feel how very okay with it he really is. When he speaks, his words are low, lisped through a mouth full of fangs.

“You. Are. Mine.”

The wave of relief he can smell wash over Stiles is like a tsunami, but stronger still is the deep scent of arousal, and Jackson opens the passenger door of the Porsche and all but throws Stiles inside as he bolts to the drivers side, fully prepared to break several laws on their way home.

At the end of the night, their clothes are strewn all over Jackson’s room, and Stiles is panting, sore and sweating and so, so happy, fingers bouncing along the metal watch band as Jackson pulls him close.

“I’m yours.” he murmurs as Jackson snuffs along his neck, still very much wolfed out, a possessive streak a mile wide taking root in Jackson’s brain as he tugs Stiles even closer. 

“Mine.” he repeats, for the thousandth time that night. “All mine.”

Things are quiet for a moment as Stiles feels a new level of happiness bloom, deep in his gut.

(Three days later, Stiles walks in to school wearing a henley that feels like it’s lighter than air, sitting just right to show off the sharp lines of his collarbone, and the edge of a hickey he wishes would never fade. Jackson joins him easily, wearing a Fantastic Four graphic tee shirt for fucks sake, hand sliding around Stiles’ waist in a possessive way that makes his entire body go fuzzy.

“Stiles?”

“Yeah baby?”

Jackson is grinning at him now, a predators smile that would be terrifying if it were anyone but Jackson.

“I love you too.”)

[ireadyabooks]

The Best Summer Reads! 🏖

Even if you can’t read a book on the beach this year, it’s still summer! 

We’ve pulled together some binge-worthy summer reads that will have you swooning over an adorable romance or turning the pages of a fast-paced thriller.  

I Love You So Mochi by Sarah Kuhn

Kimi Nakamura’s mother disapproves of her passion for fashion design, and when they get into an explosive fight, Kimi's entire future seems on the verge of falling apart. So when a surprise letter comes in the mail from Kimi's estranged grandparents, inviting her to Kyoto for spring break, she seizes the opportunity to get away from the disaster of her life. And what begins as a trip to escape her problems quickly becomes a way for Kimi to learn more about the mother she left behind, and to figure out where her own heart lies. Start reading!

The Night of Your Life by Lydia Sharp

All year, JJ's been looking forward to going to prom with his best friend, Lucy. But nothing goes according to plan and the best night of their lives quickly turns into the worst. That is...until JJ wakes up the next day only to find that it's prom night all over again. At first, JJ thinks he's lucky to have the chance to get innumerable chances at perfecting the night of his life. But each day ends badly for him and Lucy, no matter what he does. Can he find a way to escape the time loop and move into the future with the girl he loves? Start reading!

Lie to Me by Kaitlin Ward

Ever since Amelia woke up in the hospital, recovering from a near-death fall she has no memory of, she's been suspicious. Her friends, family, and doctors insist it was an accident, but Amelia is sure she remembers being pushed. Then another girl is found nearby -- one who fell, but didn't survive. Amelia's fears suddenly feel very real, and with the help of her new boyfriend, Liam, she tries to investigate her own horrific ordeal. But how can she tell who's trustworthy, and who might be -- must be -- lying to her? Start reading!

Screenshot by Donna Cooner

Skye's social media game is always on point. Until her best friend, Asha, films an embarrassing video of Skye at a sleepover and posts it online. But Asha quickly deletes the post, so everything's okay. Right? Then Skye gets an anonymous message. Someone has texted her a screenshot from the video. This person threatens to share the shocking photo online . . . unless Skye does whatever they say. Skye's perfect image -- and privacy -- are suddenly in jeopardy. What will Skye do to keep the screenshot under wraps? And who is trying to ruin her life? Start reading!

Listen To Your Heart by Kasie West

When Kate’s best friend, Alana, convinces Kate to join their high school's podcast, Kate is not expecting to be chosen as the host. But to Kate's surprise, she turns out to be pretty good at the hosting gig. Then the podcast gets in a call from an anonymous guy, asking for advice about his unnamed crush. Kate is pretty sure that the caller is gorgeous Diego Martinez, and even surer that the girl in question is Alana. Kate is excited for her friend . . . until Kate herself starts to develop feelings for Diego. Suddenly, Kate finds that while doling out wisdom to others may be easy, asking for help is tougher than it looks, and following your own advice is even harder. Start reading!

Wherever Nina Lies by Lynn Weingarten

Nina was artistic, fearless, and wild. She inked landscapes onto the soles of her Converse, and covered her tank tops in portraits of people she saw on the street. She was Ellie's big sister and favorite person. And then one day she was gone. Two years later, Ellie stumbles upon a drawing of Nina's that might just contain a clue of where to find her. So she takes off on a road trip with the one person who believes she's got a chance. Start reading!

Faceless by Alyssa Sheinmel

While on a run one day, Maisie gets into a terrible accident. A hot-burning electrical fire consumes her, destroying her face. She is lucky enough to qualify for a face transplant. But with someone else's features staring back at her in the mirror, Maisie looks -- and feels -- like a stranger. The doctors promised that the transplant was her chance to live a normal life again, but nothing feels normal anymore. Before, she knew who she was -- a regular girl who ran track and got good grades, who loved her boyfriend and her best friend. Now, she can't even recognize herself. Start reading!

It’s Not Me, It’s You by Stephanie Kate Strohm

Avery Dennis is a high school senior and one of the most popular girls in her class. But a majorly public breakup with the guy she's been dating causes some disastrous waves. It is right before prom and Avery no longer has the perfect date. Post-breakup, Avery gets to thinking about all of the guys that she has ever dated. Avery decides to investigate: she tracks down all of the guys she's ever dated, and uses that information, along with the thoughts of her friends, family, and even teachers to compile a total account of her dating history. Avery discovers some surprises about herself and the guys she's spent time with just in time for prom night! Start reading!

The Beautiful Lost by Luanne Rice

Ever since her mother left, Maia has struggled with depression -- which once got so bad, she had to go to an institution for a while. She doesn't want to go back. Maia's sure that if she finds her mother, if the two of them can talk about whale songs and constellations, then everything will be okay again. When Maia sets off on a road trip in search of her mom, her crush Billy unexpectedly comes along. They drive up the East Coast, stopping along the way for lobster rolls and lighthouses. Maia learns that Billy has dark secrets of his own -- and wants to outrun his past, too. But what will the future hold if they reach their destination? Start reading!

Where She Fell by Kaitlin Ward

Eliza knows the legends about the swamp near her house -- that people have fallen into sinkholes, never to be seen again, maybe even falling to the center of the earth. But when her best friends drag her onto the uneven ground anyway, Eliza knows to be worried. And when the earth opens under her feet, there isn't even time to say I told you so. As she scrambles through one cave, which leads to another, and another, Eliza finds herself in an impossible world -- where a small group of people survive underground, running from vicious creatures, eating giant bugs, and creating their own subterranean society. Eliza is grateful to be alive, but this isn't home. Is she willing to risk everything to get back to the surface? Start reading!

Lucky in Love by Kasie West

Maddie's not impulsive. She's all about hard work and planning ahead. But one night, on a whim, she buys a lottery ticket. And then, to her astonishment, she wins! In a flash, Maddie's life is unrecognizable. No more stressing about college scholarships. Suddenly, she's talking about renting a yacht. And being in the spotlight at school is fun . . . until rumors start flying, and random people ask her for loans. Now, Maddie isn't sure who she can trust. Except for Seth Nguyen, her funny, charming coworker at the local zoo. Seth doesn't seem aware of Maddie's big news. And, for some reason, she doesn't want to tell him. But what will happen if he learns her secret? Start reading!

Truly, Madly, Royally by Debbie Rigaud

Zora Emerson is not here to play. She's enrolled in a prestigious summer program, and is ready to use what she's learning to change the world. Zora's not expecting to vibe with any of her super-privileged classmates. So she's shocked to find she's got chemistry with Owen Whittelsey, who is charming, funny, undeniably cute...and turns out to literally be a prince. As in, his parents are the king and queen of a small European country. What? Suddenly, Zora's summer is looking a lot more complicated -- especially when Owen asks her to be his date at his older brother's wedding. Can her feelings for Owen, not to mention her sense of self, survive the royal chaos? Start reading!

Maybe This Time by Kasie West

Name the occasion, and Sophie Evans will be there. Well, she has to be there. Sophie works for the local florist, so she can be found at every big event in her small hometown, arranging bouquets and managing family dramas. Enter Andrew Hart. The son of the fancy new chef in town, Andrew is suddenly required to attend all the same events as Sophie. Entitled, arrogant, preppy Andrew. Sophie just wants to get her job done and finish up her sketches so she can apply to design school. But every time she turns around, there is Andrew, getting in her way and making her life more complicated. Until one day she wonders if maybe complicated isn't so bad after all. Start reading!

Snow in Love by Melissa de la Cruz, Aimee Friedman, Nic Stone, Kasie West

It’s still summer, but we’re already looking forward to the holidays and snuggling up with a mug of hot chocolate! So what's better than one deliciously cozy, swoon-worthy holiday story? Four of them! Snow in Love is an adorable, wintry collection of four short stories about the romance of the holiday season, from some of today's bestselling YA authors. Start reading!

Fake by Donna Cooner

Maisie Fernandez is fed up with the bullies who taunt her about her size and her looks. So, one night, Maisie goes online and creates a fake profile. "Sienna" is beautiful, skinny, and confident -- and soon she's messaging the most popular kids in Maisie's school. Maisie doesn't care about being friends with them. She wants to use Sienna to take them down. But as Maisie's web of deception grows, she's in danger of being exposed. And what will happen when the actual Sienna -- the girl whose photos Maisie has been using -- shows up in real life? Start reading!

Sorry Not Sorry by Jamie Reed

Janelle and Alyssa used to be best friends. They knew each other's deepest secrets and went through the hardest times together. But that was then. Now? Their status is somewhere between frenemies and full-on rivals. Until the day Alyssa collapses and is rushed to the hospital. Suddenly, everyone knows about her declining health and race against time. And, in a stunning twist of fate, the only person who might be able to save Alyssa's life -- is Janelle. But will the girls' bitter past get in the way of their futures? Start reading!

[dorkzrul]

How Do You Love Someone

(Percy Jackson Songfic)

Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians, it belongs to Rick Riordan. How Do You Love Someone belongs to Ashley Tisdale.

She could hear the fighting, even through her pillow, pulled over her head. It just never stopped, did it? Sighing, she pulled out her iPod, going to the very first song in her playlist, the one she had listened to an innumerable number of times, the one she’d listened to through several sleepless nights; How Do You Love Someone by Ashley Tisdale.

Most people would be surprised if they found out about this, Annabeth Chase, the sporty, smart, good-looking, perfect girl listening to a song about being broken. Only her best friend Thalia actually knew the truth, that the little miss perfect front was just an act.

Momma never told me how to love

Daddy never told me how to feel

Momma never told me how to touch

Daddy never showed me how to heal

Momma never set a good example

Daddy never held momma's hand

Momma found everything hard to handle

Daddy never stood up like a man

This song seemed like it was made for her. Her mom and dad were too busy fighting to even notice her. She had taught herself everything from the internet. In school, every boy yearned for her, but none succeeded at winning her hand. She’d never had the experience of seeing her parents show affection in front of her and her pretending to be disgusted. She couldn’t remember the last time her parents had hugged her. Probably when she was much younger. Her parents used to tell her of the whirlwind romance they had. How they met at the Parthenon in Greece and how, at first, neither of them thought it any more than a summer fling. However, by the end of it, both were truly, madly in love. However, Annabeth’s mom, Athena, lived in New York and Annabeth’s father, Frederick, in San Francisco. As they said their goodbyes neither thought they’d ever see each other again. However, Frederick decided he wasn’t going to lose the one good thing in his life and proposed to Athena in the airport. They were both young, happy and in love, resulting in Annabeth being born half a year later in San Francisco, where they lived; though Athena did have to go visit New York pretty often. They were happy for a while, and then it just seemed to fade. That’s when the fights started when Annabeth was only 7. Now, at the mature age of 15, she had given up hope of this stopping.

I walked alone, broken

Emotionally frozen

Getting it on

Getting it wrong

How do you love someone

Without getting hurt

How do you love someone

Without crawling in the dirt

So far in my life

Clouds have blocked the sun

How do you love, how do you love someone

How do you love, how do you love someone

She herself had never had ”the talk” from her parents, never had the embarrassing, overprotective dad meets boyfriend situation, never had her mom come to comfort her when she was heartbroken and crying. Actually, the last one is partially wrong. She had had her heart broken. But neither of her parents had even seemed to notice, let alone care enough to comfort her. That was last year when she was a freshman. She'd had a crush on a senior named Luke, who had asked her out just to later reveal that it was a dare. In his defence, he hadn't known that she was crushing on him. It still hit a lot though. She rushed home and immediately ran to her room where she lay crying for almost an hour. Like had been her first crush, her first love; and those are often the ones that hurt the most. She wondered if it was her. Was she unlovable? Her mom and dad didn't love her, Luke didn't love her, the kids at school looked up to her but did they actually like her? Her teachers all liked her, she reasoned, so she definitely couldn't be a bad person… Or could she?

I was always the chosen child

The biggest scandal I became

They told me I'd never survive

But survival's my middle name

I walked alone, hoping

Just barely coping

Getting it on

Getting it wrong

How do you love someone

Without getting hurt

How do you love someone

Without crawling in the dirt

So far in my life

Clouds have blocked the sun

How do you love, how do you love someone

How do you love, how do you love someone

She used to wonder why her parents didn't just get a divorce. Until one day, she found out; quite by accident. Her mom and dad were fighting once again. She was about to enter their room to ask about a rather difficult question that was part of her math homework. Then she heard her name and stopped. She didn't mean to eavesdrop, she was just curious. “I would have left you behind and gone to new york years ago, if not for Annabeth!”, cried Athena furiously. “And you’re welcome to. I’ll stay here with Annabeth. She's definitely not going with you! You'll be so caught up in your work you'll practically forget about her”, retorted Frederick. “How dare you!”, shrieked Athena. By this time, Annabeth had heard enough. She quietly crept back to her room. She'd rather go and ask her teacher for help than stay there anymore hearing her parents fight over her. On one hand, her parents must care about her if they were fighting over who got custody of her. On the other hand, was that really love? They were arguing over her as if she was a prized possession, not a real human being with real feelings. Her friend Piper’s parents had been on bad terms, but after their divorce and a little time apart, they were on good terms again, despite Aphrodite having remarried to some bloke named Ares. She, more than anything, wanted that for her parents. Most of her birthday wishes and letters to Santa since she was 7, have been wishes for her parents to stop fighting; and now learning that she was the reason her parents weren't taking a clean break was just too much for her to handle. She ran to her room and cried herself to sleep that night. Any normal person, by now, would have started smoking, drinking or doing drugs, or maybe started visiting a therapist. Maybe become a bully or maybe even given up. Not Annabeth, she threw herself into school and that was her refuge from the world. She kept her chin up, smiling when she felt like crying, not telling anyone but Thalia, not inviting anyone over lest they find out about her dreadful home life.

It's hard to talk

To see what's deep inside

It's hard to tell the truth

When you've always lied

How do you love someone

Without getting hurt

How do you love someone

Without crawling in the dirt

So far in my life

Clouds have blocked the sun

How do you love, how do you love someone

How do you love someone

And make it last

How do you love someone (love someone)

Without tripping on the past

So far in my life

Clouds have blocked the sun

How do you love, how do you love someone

How do you love, how do you love someone, someone

Also, did she mention she had trust issues. It was hard enough for her to trust people let alone get into a serious relationship with someone. Of course, the whole incident with Luke had not helped with this and she couldn't exactly trust her parents (sad I know), they had let her down on far too many occasions. In fact, the only person in her life she had blind faith in was Thalia. She’d made up countless lies when rejecting guys, not ever having a party or sleepover in her place. It had almost become second nature for her. Her walls were up high and her mouth was sealed.

Until she met… Him. He was the first person in so many years to get past her walls. Somehow his adorable pouts and dumbfounded expression had worked its way to her heart. He, little by little, earned his trust. And when he found her crying quietly at night, he consoled her. She talked about her mother walking out randomly one day, never to be heard from again. How her father buried himself in his work and never paid any attention to her. How Thalia died in a car crash and how everyone in her life had left her. He promised he would never leave her… and he never did. He healed her. He was her Seaweed Brain and she was his Wise Girl. They were each other’s. Now he was standing on the altar and she was walking down the aisle, soon-to-be Mrs. Annabeth Jackson, wife of Percy Jackson, her one and only true love.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Hi guys, dorkzrul here. This is my first fanfic and I hope you like it. Read and Review. Constructive Criticism is also appreciated.

[xiubaek-13]

Hold On - Part 1

Genre: First love & break ups.

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok, Reader x Yoongi

Warnings: Angst, Smut, Alcohol, Heartbreak, Drug use (only mentions of it), First love.

Word Count: 5,094

Summary: Hoseok was your first love and for two and a half years he was your everything. Yoongi was his best friend, they did almost everything together until Yoongi got a girlfriend who was his world for a few years. Yoongi was also your friend, having been to school with him. Hoseok broke your heart when he ended things with you but you hadn’t been able to let him go, reducing yourself to friends with benefits as you clung to the relationship that no longer existed, the love that was no longer there. Yoongi was there for you when his friend hurt you  and he tried to keep you away from gatherings that Hoseok would be at but there was no avoiding the two of you being at one of his own parties, a camping gathering on his mother’s property.

They say that all good things come to an end; but what they don’t prepare you for is when one party still feels like what they have is good and the other doesn’t. It’s one thing for a relationship to end when you both know there are problems, or when one of you fucks up, but when one of you is blissfully happy and the other isn’t - that’s hell on both sides. One way to work out just how many tears a human body can produce is to have your heart shattered by your first love. It’s a thing your parents try to protect you from as best they can, but at the end of the day you loved wholly, completely and honestly. To be told that the person you utterly adored no longer felt that same love for you broke you.

You’d put two and a half years into your relationship with Hobi. What had started as a schoolyard crush developed into a fun and teasing friendship. You often recalled the day you ran out of food tech and squished a muffin in his face because he’d mocked your cooking abilities. That might have been the first day he truly noticed you. He still didn’t act on anything, but you both started to chat more often.

You’d always gotten on better with the guys in the school than the girls. You preferred to read or sit and listen to music and apparently that was uncool by their standards. You didn’t interest them because you weren’t gossiping about boys or what party you were going to try and sneak out to that weekend. Your ideal weekend was, and still is, having comfort food and reading or watching a movie. You just didn’t have that girly gene. You never wanted to play dress up or learn how to apply makeup or style your hair and you were satisfied with how you looked. You honestly didn’t give a shit about what any of them thought about you. You never needed to put in any effort with how you looked when you hung out with your guy friends. They actually praised you on being able to be dressed and ready to go in under 15 minutes.

Yoongi transferred to the school midyear, he mostly kept to himself but the boy crazed girls in your year decided that he was an enigma; wrapped in a mystery because he was quiet and didn’t appear to chase after girls. It took you all of three days hanging out with Hobi and Jin to find out that Yoongi was a pretty cool guy who preferred to observe people than interact with them, and that he was definitely not lacking in suitors… he just preferred them older. That explained his lack of patience with the way some of the girls in your year threw themselves at him.

For the remainder of the year your friendships with the guys in your year grew and you found yourself invited to small gatherings they had - gaming nights, movie marathons and random trips into the forest at their houses. Yoongi became more relaxed around you once he figured out that you could appreciate silence and weren’t trying to jump his bones. In fact, he was the one who approached you when he needed help asking a girl out. He knew how to seduce older women but he had no clue when it came to someone his age. You’d been the perfect wingwoman and since you’d worked your magic he’d been virtually inseparable from her.

All too soon the year ended and you transferred to another school to complete your senior years. A handful of your classmates made the same move but your main group of friends remained, leaving you alone for the first time in years. The new school was structured to be more like university, with longer class hours and calling teachers by their first name. You really enjoyed the new atmosphere and thrived in the freedom you were allowed. School no longer felt like a prison and you were free to come and go as you pleased.

Moving schools must have made Hobi realise what he was losing because one day when you were out of town with your mother he texted you. You had to read the text repeatedly because you were sure of a few things. a) that someone had stolen his phone and texted you b) that this was a joke and c) there was no way it could be true. It was a simple text but, ever the overthinker, you dissected it like it was a coded message.

[9:45am] Hobi: Wanna know something? I miss seeing you at school. Did you know that I like you? A lot.

That’s all it said and yet you tried to find some deeper meaning or some hidden sign to prove that it was a joke. No one had ever told you they liked you. You’d always been the friend and nothing more. You’d helped countless times whenever one of your friends found a girl they were interested in, but you were never the object of anyone’s interest and you were fine with that. You had a lot that you wanted to accomplish in life, and you were young. The last thing you wanted was for a guy to waltz into your life and throw a spanner in the works.

You debated not answering but you didn’t want to be that girl. You’d seen enough times when a girl would ignore Jimin and how badly it messed with his head, you had no desire to do that to Hobi. It wouldn’t be a lie to say that you liked him too, but you had only ever thought of him as a friend. You had never entertained the idea of anything more with any of your guy friends. Yet here you were, sitting on the floor at your grandma’s house surrounded by family, feeling like the response you sent would determine the course of your relationship with Hobi from here out.

[9:48am] You: I miss having your dorky face around too. Define ‘like’ for me will you? Is this secret text speak to let me know that you’re being held hostage and need rescuing because if so, you are out of luck, I’m out of town with my family.

You hit send and waited. You replayed your entire friendship with Hobi in your head, searching for any hints that the boy liked you as more than a friend. For the life of you, you couldn’t think of anything.

Your phone buzzed, letting you know that he’d responded. You hesitated. Did you want to see the response? What would you do if he was kidding? What would you do if he was genuinely interested in you? Question after question flew through your mind at a rapid pace. You didn’t get time to mentally answer one before the next appeared. You shook your head to clear your thoughts and picked up your phone. All of the what if’s would drive you mad so you figured you might as well look at his response and deal with it from there.

[9:50am] Hobi: I’m not being held hostage you idiot. I’m hungover and finally decided to tell you that I have a crush on you ok?

Little did you know that your response would lead to the two of you having a very open discussion about what you liked about each other and then the teasing turned to flirting. The flirting turned to long phone conversations where you shared stories with each other and learned more about each other. During that time your feeling started to shift and you started to really care for him. You felt your feeling grow and soon enough Hobi was on your mind every day. All you wanted to do was spend time with him and hang out but your parents were pretty strict, never letting you hang out with boys on your own because apparently if that were to happen suddenly you’d be pregnant. Their knee jerk reaction frankly, offended you. They had such little faith in your ability to keep your legs shut that they decided to remove the option for you to spend time with friends - especially if they were guys.

It took a little bit of lying on your part for the two of you to finally spend time together outside of school. One of your friends was having a sleepover and movie night and your parents agreed to let you go since you told them it was just you and a few girls. You left out the part where there would be a few guys there as well because you really wanted to see him and you really didn’t see what the problem was. You weren’t about to lose your virginity to Hobi, hell the two of you hadn’t even kissed yet.

That night the two of you had your first kiss and decided that you both needed more practice because it was awkward as all hell. It was sloppy and inexperienced, and even though neither of you had any prior experience to draw from, you both knew it should have been better. So you kept trying until it was perfect. Then you kept kissing because it was addictive and you liked how his lips felt on yours; how he could make you breathless and make you feel desired.

It was 6 months in when he first told you he loved you. You’d been watching anime on a thin mattress on the floor. You weren’t sure if he had meant to say it so you kept quiet but as soon as you felt him tense you turned to see him staring down at you, his eyes full of vulnerability. He’d been worried that you didn’t feel the same but you soon eradicated that fear. “I love you too Hobi.” The smile that filled his face warmed your heart. You loved that you could bring him this much joy.

He was a good guy. He respected your weird wishes and didn’t pressure you to have sex, the two of you just continued to explore each other in every other way until that day, almost one year into your relationship, when you told him you wanted to try it. Almost one year in and your parents finally let you stay at his parent’s house with him. They didn’t realize just how well acquainted you were with his bed, or how his parents didn’t care what the two of you got up to. There had been times when you were driving home and you could still feel where his hands had been. Unlike the first kiss, sex for the first time was not awkward. You put it down to the 11 months of foreplay and learning each others bodies like the back of your hand, but it didn’t hurt. It made you feel even closer and opened up a whole new thing for you to both explore.

You trusted each other implicity and because of that the two of you not only learned what positions you liked the most but you also explored kinks and ideas that turned you on. You had no problems telling each other if something wasn’t working or instructing each other on how to do better. Sex was a learning experience and the two of you were more than willing to put the hours in to make it the best it could be for both of you.

The relationship wasn’t all sex though. Hobi would surprise you, and though neither of you could afford much, he’d take you on fun and thoughtful dates. There was one time where he saved up and took you to a fancy restaurant he knew you liked, and there was another time where he tricked you into getting into his jeep at 4am. He’d put a mattress in the back and a ton of pillows and blankets, as well as a basket with snacks and hot chocolate. He drove to one of the hills at the back of the property that overlooked the mountains and the two of you watched the sunrise in comfort. He made you laugh, he made you care, and most importantly, he always made you feel comfortable with being yourself. He loved that you weren’t afraid to disagree with him and could hold a proper debate with him. He loved that you always wanted to cuddle but didn’t crowd him. You never had a problem with him having time to himself or to hang out with friends, you knew how much he cared for you and you understood the need for time away from your significant other.

Fast forward another year and you’d both finished high school. You’d often talked about this day, knowing that you’d likely take different paths. He wanted to take a year to travel and work while you wanted to go straight to university, knowing that if you stopped studying you’d likely never return to it. The ultimate dream for your future was for the two of you to move to the south of France and live in a quaint little cottage with your two dogs and be independently wealthy. You’d have no worries or anything to stress you and you could just enjoy each other for the rest of your days. When you’re young, bright eyed and bushy tailed, that kind of dream future seemed so attainable to you… Not that you were old now, but you felt far less naive.

Unsurprisingly the long distance thing didn’t work out. Initially he’d asked to take a break while the two of you were apart, saying it would be easier if you didn’t have to worry about each other for the six months he’d be gone. You’d cried a lot, thinking he was trying to be gentle and break up with you but he assured you that it was temporary and that he still loved you more than anything.  

The break lasted two weeks. He caved first, calling you from some backwater town to tell you how much he missed you.

“Hobi, are you crying?” You’d asked.

He sniffled before answering. “Maybe. Look, I was an idiot ok? My parents told me the whole break thing was the smart thing to do but all I’ve thought about for the past two weeks is you and how I want to call you my girlfriend and it kills me to think of you not being able to call me your boyfriend. Can we please end this break thing? I hate it so much.”

You sunk into your beanbag, feeling the weight and sadness that this whole break thing had brought you. “Of course, baby. You know I hated the idea in the first place.”

He exhaled. “Thank god. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d said no. I can’t lie, it’s going to be difficult, but I feel better if we’re together.”

The six months passed slowly and painfully for you. You were living at college and going to parties while he was away working. You were never tempted to cheat and you were thankful that no matter how drunk the people you lived with got, they always remembered that you were off limits. You visited home whenever you could, going to his parents house and taking photos to send him of his room and his dog. You hung out with the guys who were still in town, Yoongi and Jungkook.

Yoongi understood yours and Hobi’s situation perfectly since his girlfriend had moved away to study as well. He didn’t want to move, and so they were doing the long distance thing too. Jungkook was studying online so that he could stay living at home longer. Deep down you got the feeling that he just wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of his home town yet, but you knew that he’d eventually leave and once he did, he’d probably never return.

You passed a lot of time hanging out with Yoongi and playing video games. It made both of you feel less lonely and you understood each others mood swings and the reasons for them.

“Long distance fucking sucks.” he’d blurted one night.

“I’m not gonna disagree with that.” you’d replied.

“She’s always too busy to chat to me lately… w-what am I supposed to do with that?” He glanced at you, a small fire in his eyes. His girlfriend had been dodging his calls all week and you had been waiting for it to reach breaking point for him. Apparently tonight was that night. “I get that she has classes and assignments but she can’t give me 10 fucking minutes? I miss her, does she even miss me? I just want to hear her voice, to hear how she smiles when she talks to me… does that make me pathetic or something?” What started as a rant drifted off into self doubt and as he uttered those final words he averted his gaze, not wanting you to see how hurt he was by her actions.

“When was the last time she made time for you?” you asked gently.

“Honestly,” he scoffed. “I don’t remember.”

“Then Yoongi, you need to tell her what you just told me. You need to tell her that she isn’t making any time for you in her life and that it needs to change.”

His response was almost a whisper, as though he didn’t want to think of the answer. “And if she doesn’t make time?”

You took a deep breath. “Then as much as I hate to even say the words, it might mean the end. It’s not fair on you to be putting in all of the effort. Relationships are not a one way thing.”

“But I love her.”

“And if she still loves you as much as you love her then she’s listen to your concerns and make time for you in her life.”

They lasted one more month until she began pushing him out of her life again. He made a last stand for their relationship and travelled down to see her. You still don’t know what happened during that trip but when he returned he refused to talk to you. He only spoke to Hobi and Jungkook, and Hobi told you during one of your phone calls that Yoongi was now single. You felt for him because he really did love his girlfriend, but she apparently had started moving on long before he had even thought of letting her go.

From that moment on, Hobi was different. He was due to return in only a few weeks and he kept dodging making any plans to see you. He just wouldn’t let you pick a day to see him, saying he had to wait to see what his family and the guys were doing first then he could let you know. It should have been a warning sign, but you let yourself reason that he had valid excuses. More than that, you didn’t want to be the pushy girlfriend and you were scared that if you pushed to see him, he’d only grow more distant. The calls that had once lasted twenty minutes or more were now reduced to a maximum of five minutes, barely enough time to have any sort of conversation.

You didn’t see him for a whole week after he came home and it was tearing you apart. Every time you had a text notification you were afraid to look because you thought it would be him telling you he didn’t want to see you. Every time someone wanted to make plans with you, you hesitated in case he asked to see you then. You’d texted Yoongi, telling him your concerns but he’d told you not to worry, that Hobi was just adjusting to being home and he’d be back to normal soon.

When you finally saw him it was like nothing had changed. He’d engulfed you in a bone crushing hug and peppered kisses all over your face. He’d held you tight and told you how much he’d missed you and how sorry he was that he’d seemed strange and distant lately. You forgave him because you were just so happy to have your Hobi back. It was different this time. He needed more time to himself than he used to and he took to partying which concerned you. More than that, when you voiced your concerns he told you to lighten up.

You started to dislike the person he became when he drank or got high but you remained silent, telling yourself you were happy. He loved you and you loved him and that should be enough.

The tension only grew between the two of you, you were constantly upset that he didn’t seem to want to make time for you and he kept telling you that you were smothering him. You tried taking  a step back and told yourself you wouldn’t contact him unless it was an emergency, otherwise you’d wait for him to contact you. You wanted to give him his space and not feel like you were suffocating him but at the same time, deep down, you knew something was coming, and that you weren’t going to like it. You pushed that feeling deep down, not wanting to dwell on it.

It took four days for him to reach out and talk to you. He invited you over to hang out and you were so happy that you’d get to spend the day with him, just the two of you. He treated you wonderfully that day, snuggling on the couch while you watched a movie before the two of you gave in to baser needs and fucked on the couch. In all of this the sex had never become boring or passionless. It was one way you could still tell how much he cared for you.

But the parties continued and you could no longer pretend to be happy. You couldn’t handle the way he shifted between doting boyfriend and life of the party, stoned and wanting nothing to do with you unless it meant sex. You stormed out one night and started walking home, you didn’t care that it was on country roads with no lights or that it would take hours, you just needed to leave.

You’d gotten about 20 minutes down the road when Yoongi’s car found you.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I can’t stay there Yoongi.” You tried to swallow the tears that were threatening to fall. “I just can’t. Don’t pretend like you can’t see the way he’s changed.”

The look in his eyes told you that he understood. He didn’t speak straight away, rather he let you get control of yourself before he continued the conversation. “Then where are you going?”

“Home.”

His eyes widened in disbelief. “What?! Your home is nowhere near here. Walking would take all night.”

“I can’t be there right now. That’s all I know.” You pointed at Hobi’s place as you spoke.

Yoongi sighed. “Get in.” When you hesitated he added. “I promise, I’m not taking you back there. Let me drive you home if you are so adamant on leaving. I cannot in good conscience let you walk in the pitch fucking black for hours.”

He was true to his word, not turning the car around but instead driving you back towards town. You were so in your own head that you hadn’t even thought to ask why he had left his best friends party but it’s something you would ponder at length later in the night. You stared out the window as the countryside flew by. Yoongi didn’t try to disturb the silence that enveloped the vehicle rather he let it carry on, telling himself that the moment it started to feel awkward he’d speak.

The trees slowly became fewer and the buildings and urban landscape began to grow outside your window signifying that you had reached town. Yoongi hadn’t driven straight to your place, instead veering towards his own. You turned your head with a somewhat confused look upon your face. You figured he was going to drop you home then head to his place afterwards. It made no sense to you for him to go to it first.

“I uh, well I figured I’d offer you a choice.” He started.

“Yoon-”

“Let me finish.” He cuts you off before you can protest. “Option one - I drive you to your parents place and you stay there or option 2. I let you into the granny flat I sleep in at my dad’s place and you stay here. Either option, you’ll have a bed to yourself but I figured you might not want to go home since you smell like smoke and booze.”  

The confused look doesn’t leave your face. “Weren’t you going home? I’m not kicking you out of your bed Yoongi.”

He smiled. “Don’t worry. Jungkook told me you just up and left the party and I knew Hobi drove you to his place so I figured like the stubborn person you are, you took off with the intent to walk home. You owe me dinner or something to make up for it.” He chuckled.

“In that case, I’ll stay in your room.” He nodded and parked the car. Before he could get out you grabbed his hand, causing him to look back at you, a perplexed look upon his face. “Thank you for… just thank you.”

His gaze softened. “He’ll come around, you just have to let him get used to being home again. Also, I take pizza as payment.” He smirked as he finished speaking, trying to lift the mood so that you wouldn’t wallow for the remainder of the night. “Come on, I’ll let you in so you can shower and sleep. I will kill you if you get in my bed smelling like that.”

“…The fuck do you expect me to sleep in?” You asked. Surely he realised that the clothes you were wearing were the only clothes you had with you and you sure as hell weren’t sleeping naked in your boyfriend’s best friend’s bed.

“I honestly don’t care. Go through my drawers and find something then shower.” He paused as he unlocked the door to the granny flat. “I swear to god if my pillow smells like cheap whiskey and weed I’ll hunt you down and-”

“Relax. Stop worrying your pretty head, I’ll shower jeez.” you muttered as you pushed past him, ruffling his hair.

He chuckled and started to close the door. “Sleep well schnookums.” He caught the pillow that you flung at him, laughing harder when he saw the look on your face. He tossed it back and tried to compose himself. “Goodnight, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”

“You are so fucking cheesy. My god.” You laughed reluctantly. “Goodnight Yoongi.”

You did what Yoongi suggested. You gave Hobi time to return to normal, to come back to you, and for a little while it worked. There were days when he’d turn up and it was as if he’d never left. He took you on cute dates, spent time with you, rekindled your sex life, talked about the future - the whole shebang. For a time, you were happy. But in the background you noticed habits that he picked up, smoking, drinking, partying… and you disliked them more and more every time you saw him doing any of those activities. Every time you confronted him about your concerns he somehow spun the conversation into a guilt trip, making you feel like the bad person.

Then that day arrived. The day you’d been dreading so much that you’d pushed all of the warning signs so far down in the hopes that if you pretended like everything was fine then it would be. You had a friend from college visiting and it was her final night staying with you. You’d spent the night laughing and watching trashy tv accompanied by equally as trashy snacks when he called. You knew immediately that something was wrong from the tone of his voice, he sounded so deflated and resigned and it honestly scared you. It twisted something in your gut and a weird feeling flooded your system. You excised yourself from your room and went to sit in your car, needing to be alone for whatever conversation you were about to have.

“I think we should stop seeing each other.”

Alone those words meant nothing but put into a sentence that came out of the mouth of the person you loved, those words were like a knife to the gut. Instantly you hated that sentence. You tried to reason with him and press him for an explanation, thinking nothing could be worse than that sentence. You were wrong, there was a far more painful sentence coming.

“I don’t think I love you anymore.”

You broke. The knife in your gut left only to ram back into your heart and twist. You’d never believed descriptions of heart break but in that moment you knew that no matter how a person described it - the real feeling was a hundred times worse. You sobbed as you tried to talk to him, to figure out what went so wrong, thinking that if you could pinpoint a specific reason then you could fix it. You both ended up in tears because even if he didn’t love you anymore, he still hated being the reason for your pain.

A/N Thanks for reading & please - comments are always welcome.

[tossertozier]

i was a boy scout for a few years and camping struck terror into my heart.

i was terrified of this popular guy. his name was luke, and everyone loved him because he was really funny and his parents were rich and threw the best sleepovers. i was always kind of cold to him but i can realize now I just had a crush on him. he had this longish thick black hair that curled over his ears and i remember every boy in our grade tried to grow out their hair to look like him and they all looked like idiots because that’s not how hair texture works. his dad was the scout leader and in my fourth grade class we sat at clusters of four and we sat diagonally from each other for the first four months of the school year.

in November we had a camping trip and my older brother normally chaperoned and we shared a tent but he couldn’t come. my parents were told there was lots of room in other tents but I begged to not go but they dropped me off anyway.

Luke’s family brought two tents, one that slept like 14 and was giant and there were three “rooms” and the main one is where we were putting stuff for fishing and other supplies. The other one was his own tent that slept two, that was double reinforced to keep bugs out but had this clear plastic top so you could see the sky. Rumor had it that luke slept in it in his own backyard all the time.

Anyway, luke wanted to sleep in his own tent but all of the other guys were being dicks about who was going to share it with him because he told them to decide amongst themselves. I was terrified of sleeping in a tent with a bunch of them bc of pranks and other stuff even though Luke’s dad was pretty intolerant of that stuff. It could still happen. Anyway the kids couldn’t decide and Luke’s dad had enough of the arguing and was kind of pissed at luke for not asking someone directly and instead doing this whole popularity contest. So I think he was kind of punishing luke?? With my presence?? Because he was like “James is sharing the tent with Luke. No more debate.” And the guys were like what. And I was like what. And luke was like *shrug* okay.

I don’t remember a lot else from that trip but I know we barely slept. We just really got along and we laughed like all night both nights. It’s kind of repressed but I know on the second night luke convinced himself he saw a ghost by the bathrooms so we got dressed and went looking for it. It ended up being someone’s cow printed towel on a chair by the lake. We laughed so hard we cried and then we heard footsteps and we would have gotten in so much trouble for leaving the tents so we dove off the path and into the woods and hid in a bush. I remember on the second day we went kayaking and shared a boat and almost tipped it and were just beside ourselves with laughter and we paired off for this nature scavenger hunt thing too. That’s truly all I can remember about it but I do know I really thought that was the first time I ever had fun.

I started getting in trouble at school consistently for the first time because the rest of November/December we just would not shut the fuck up. We had a thing where if one of us said “ghost cow” the other one had to do this ghostly mooing noise. My teacher had an advanced readers club that I think he literally made up because he knew I sat by myself in the cafeteria in a corner. The club got to eat lunch in the computer lab and write reports and poems and stories and the fourth grade teachers took turns moderating it each there like one day a week. I think there were six of us.

Anyway luke asked me to come sit at his lunch table for like a week straight so one day I went to the cafeteria. But his lunch table was packed with one extra person already and he didn’t see me come in and I wasn’t gonna force myself into that table of guys so I left. I got invited to one of his sleepovers and we played smash brothers. I beat one of his friends so badly he was relentlessly mean to me the rest of the night and everyone but luke thought it was hilarious so I called my mom to pick me up.

In another life this story has a better ending. What really happened was when we came back from Christmas break and our teacher moved our seats. We stopped talking. My parents let me quit boy scouts after the sleepover incident. Luke came in on the last day of school with his head buzzed and then half of our grade returned from summer vacation with buzzed cuts. I left school in middle school to do theatre. Luke was captain of the soccer team senior year and an Eagle Scout. That’s it.

[reddielibrary]

Just Whispers

Prompt: Eddie and Richie sleeping in a tent with the Losers. They’re in a tent with Bev and Stan. Eddie can’t sleep and wants to get in with Richie.

Written by: Ashley | @stephenskings

Word Count: 2578

Eddie pulled on the sleeves of the sweater he’d stolen from Mike before the Losers had all sat down to set up the fire. He had some fruit mixed-vodka drink in a glass bottle that Ben had sworn he would like pressed between his knees, unsipped and rapidly warming. This camping trip had been months in the working, everybody agreeing that it was of the utmost importance that they knock off their last summer as residents of Derry with a bang. They'd started getting everything together back in June, knowing it would likely take Eddie at least two months to get his mother to consent to the trip.

There was no way in hell that Eddie would have let himself have missed it. No matter how many fights it had spiked with Sonia, he’d known without anybody saying a single word that this would be the last time the Losers Club would all be together for months. Richie would be leaving for LA just two days after the trip was over, and everybody else would leave in rapid success after that. There was a thick, bitter tension in the air around them that seemed to promise that this would be the last time they’d all be together like this. Ever.

Richie Tozier was sitting on the ground, leaning backwards against Bev’s legs while talking animatedly with his hands. “I swear to God, William, if you don’t tell me a good ass scary story right the fuck now,” he was saying as Eddie tuned back into the conversation. “I will end my shit right here. Don’t fucking test me, bitch.”

Bill rolled his eyes, though his cheeks were glowing under the attention even in the dim light from the fire. Eddie had always thought of himself as Bill’s best friend- and this was a belief that been confirmed verbally to him on many occasions over the years- but there had always been some sort of deep bond between Bill Denbrough and Richie Tozier that Eddie was a little bit envious of. A connection that Eddie had always wanted to be part of, but had never been able to truly touch. The last two years or so, however, had brought Eddie and Richie closer together than Eddie had ever imagined they could be. The two boys had always had an interesting relationship, one of teasing and flirtations, and Eddie pretending to find Richie much more annoying than he actually did. They’d been friends, good friends, with a friendship that was always easy. Low maintenance, without expectations or regulations. Easy breezy friends who enjoyed one another’s company, but always traced their friendships back to only being friends in the first place because they ran in the same circle. That was until sophomore year, when simply being the last two awake at sleepovers had brought out a certain confidence in Richie that lead to whispers of fears he didn’t believe he could tell anybody but a half-asleep Eddie Kaspbrak.

Whispers of I think I might like both, and do you think that’s allowed? and Eds, am I a freak?  Eddie always believed it was because if Eddie had turned away from him in disgust, that Richie would’ve been able to square his shoulders and carry on in a way he wouldn’t if it were Bill or Bev that turned away from him. Whether the beliefs rang true or not, they had built up Eddie’s courage to whisper back in junior year.

I know that I don’t like both. I just like boys. I’m gay. Those whispers were what changed, brought Eddie and Richie onto more common ground. Onto a level of understanding, bringing out their own connection that they didn’t know that they could have. Senior year had only strengthened their relationship, brought them closer, and suddenly Eddie felt he spend nearly all of his free time with Richie Tozier. Talking about everything, while somehow constantly avoiding talking about that one real truth that hung above their heads. While they hadn’t vocalized these thoughts and feelings as louder than whispers to each other, Eddie saw the way Bev looked at them or the way Mike smiled while Richie teased him, and he wondered if maybe they know anyway.

It wasn’t to say that Eddie and Richie were together, not in a world like this… in a town like theirs. Not with Richie packing up and moving across the country for school while Eddie had to stay behind in Maine. So, no, Eddie and Richie were not together. They had barely even grazed hands outside of a platonic environment in longer than Eddie could remember. Even the childhood cheek kisses and pinches and flirting had stopped. Outside of “Eds” and the very occasional “Eddie Spaghetti”, Richie had even cut off most nicknames within the last few months. While Eddie did silently mourn them, he knew what the actions meant; putting that strong platonic edge on their friendship was Richie’s way of letting Eddie know the truth. Letting Eddie know that he felt the something more between them, too. There was a chance he and Richie could never be together, but Eddie could have that little soft bubble in his chest knowing they both felt it.

Eddie interrupted the story that Bill was telling about some sort of murderous clown, with a deep sigh. All eyes around the fire turned to look at him, Richie in particular jerking to attention. A soft expression came across Richie’s face, one meant for nights when only the two of them were left awake or when Richie sneaked into his bedroom window with red-tinged eyes. Not for sitting in front of a fire where all their friends could see him.

Richie seemed to realize the same thing as Eddie, quickly turning his worried frown into a Cheshire grin. “You tired over there, Eds? Sorry if we kept you up last night. Your mom was even louder than usual, she was just beside herself with how much she was gonna miss me this weekend.”

Eddie mocked vomiting. “Beep fucking beep, Trashmouth.”

Richie’s grin dimmed into something a little more genuine. One particular conversation at the beginning of senior year- one that may have involved a little too much alcohol- had revealed just how much Richie craved the childhood nickname. The use of the name Trashmouth, very similar to that of Bills stutter and Beverly’s love for black lipstick, had been grown out of around their first year of high school and nobody had never really given any thought to Richie possibly missing what was actually a somewhat mean name. A drunk Richie resting in Eddie’s lap after their friends had finally drifted off to sleep had told Eddie that exactly that, however.

It was a nickname, you know? I give everybody nicknames, y’know, cuz I love you guys. And Trashmouth was mine, cuz like.. Richie isn’t a real nickname. Trashmouth was my real nickname. But nobody uses it anymore. After that, Eddie had tried to find a way to wiggle the nickname in as much as possible, without getting weird and suspicious about it. It was worth it to see how Richie brightened every time he heard it.

“Sorry, Billy, I’m sure your demon clown story is great,” Eddie said, faking a yawn behind his hand. “But I’m fading fast over here. I think I’m going to head in. God knows I’ll be waking up with the sun.”

“Goodnight, Eddie,” Bill called cheerfully after him. Wrapping his arms tightly around himself, Eddie unzipped and ducked into the tent he was going to be sharing with Bev and Stan this weekend. He smiled slightly to himself, remembering the stink Stan had put up when they told him he’d be sharing with Richie, while everybody had known that neither boy would have wanted it any other way.

Hoping he was being subtle, Eddie rearranged the sleeping bags so that his was next to Richie’s and crawled in. Wrapping the terribly textured, loosely named “blanket” around him, Eddie forced his eyes shut and prayed that the sad, sickly feeling in his stomach was going to go away.   

They were walking down a dark hallway, the dim sounds of Bill and Bev talking from a distance that could be a different world. Richie was by Eddie’s side, surprisingly quiet, with their arms brushing as they walked. Something about the hallway seemed dimly familiar as though he’d been here before, but Eddie felt so hauntingly lost that it must have been another life.

“How’s this, Eds?” Richie said, voice basically a whisper in the echoing halls. Richie was close, yet his voice was so far away. Eddie could feel Richie touching him, but his voice still rang out through the hallway as though Richie couldn’t be anywhere near him. “Last time we let Big Bill choose our living arrangements.”

“We’re living here?” Eddie asked, looking around at the rotting walls and all the empty rooms they were walking past. Richie raised one brow at Eddie and chuckled, laugh bouncing off the walls and coming back- sounding almost terrifying and clown like.

“Yeah, Eds, pay attention much?”

Eddie frowned, looking around. He and Richie walked into the room sitting at the end of the hallway.  On the floor was a singular, dirty mattress. It looked as though it were coated in black goo, goo that had dripped down onto the floor. Eddie wrinkled his nose in disgust, shuddering as he followed Richie into the room. Richie tossed down a backpack that Eddie could have sworn he wasn’t carried moments before, onto the ground and turned to Eddie with a grin.

“This is our room,” Richie announced excitedly. Eddie looked around and started shaking his head.

“This house is so big,” Eddie said slowly. “Why are we sharing a room, exactly?”

Richie’s face dropped in disappointment, glancing down at the bed and his bag of belongings. “I… Eds…” He looked worried for a moment, but something at corner of the room caught Eddie’s attention. Heart jumping, he watched as some sort of creature that Eddie could describe as a clown, though the dripping black goo from his mouth and the wolf-like claws on its hands promised that it wasn’t any kind of human creature.

“What’s amatter, Eds?” The creature cooed in a high, attractive voice that made Eddie’s skin crawl. “Why don’t you tell Richie why you won’t share a bed with him? Tell him the truth, Eds. Eddie Spaghetti. Tell him.”

Eddie swallowed roughly, body trembling. Richie’s mouth was moving in front of his face, but the words were coming towards him as though he was deep under water while the creature’s words made it to Eddie’s ears while he wanted nothing to do with them.

“If you don’t want to tell him, maybe I should.” One of the wolf clawed hands came forward, wrapping around Richie’s throat. Eddie’s best friend didn’t seem to take notice of the hand around him, still calling out for Eddie’s attention. Eddie couldn’t respond to Richie, couldn’t bring himself to speak at all. Fear was deep inside Eddie’s blood stream, cooling it until it may very well have been frozen.

“If you won’t’ tell him, I’ll take care of ya,” the creature whispered to him, face pressing against Richie’s own. “I’ll blow you a dime… I’ll blow ya for free. We just need to get your little Trashmouth out of the way, if you don’t want him.”

Eddie opened his mouth, but could only bring out a small, choked noise. The creature’s face broke into a deep smirk, his claws beginning to dig into Richie’s throat. Blood started to drip from the edges of Richie’s throat, down, down towards his shirt. Eddie swallowed roughly, eyes watching the blood and unable to focus on anything else.

“Do you want him, Eds?” The creature hissed. “Can you tell him? Tell him, Eds, or you’ll lose him.”

Eddie let out a deep whine, and creatures hand jerked away. It brought out a deep flow of crimson that sent Richie dropping to the ground without a sound. Eddie cried out, the creature fading away with a chilling laugh. Eddie crawled across the floor, clasping his hands over Richie’s neck. There was a thick flow of blood coming from somewhere, but Eddie couldn’t find any source of bleeding.

“Eds….” Richie choked out, voice sounding more like gurgle than any words. “Eddie… I love you, Eddie. I love you.”

Eddie sobbed, pressing down on Richie’s throat as though he could put pressure on a non-existent wound as save Richie’s life. “It’s okay,” he whispered wetly. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“Eddie… Eddie…. Eddie!”

Eddie jerked awake with a loud gasp, breath laboured as he was about to launch into a asthma attack. Richie’s face was before his, worried and vulnerable but free of any blood.  Eddie exhaled hard, pressing a hand over his mouth as tears came into his eyes. “Richie…”

“Are you okay?” Richie whispered, reaching out and rubbing Eddie’s arm. “You were making all kind of noises, and not the sexy kind. Bad dream?”

“I…” Eddie breathed out. “Demon clown… I think.”

“Bill and his fucking stories,” Richie snickered. “I woke you because you seemed about five seconds away from screaming and waking up everybody in this stupid site. You know how Stanley gets if somebody wakes him up, I was saving your life.”

I was saving your life… Eddie’s heart clenched and he reached out for Richie. “Can I…” He hesitated, looking at Richie and his stupidly open expression. It was so like the Richie in his dream, the Richie who didn’t have a problem with them sharing a room. A Richie who loved him. “Can I get in with you? I don’t…”

Richie smiled and unzipped the side of his sleeping bag, Eddie nearly jumping out of his and into Richie’s. It was almost amazing how easily their bodies came together, Eddie’s leg slid between Richie’s and Richie’s arms came around Eddie’s mid-section. Eddie pressed his face against Richie’s neck, trying to force away the images of blood, and breathed in Richie’s scent.

“It killed you,” Eddie said softly, letting his arms reach up and squeeze at Richie’s shoulder blades. “You were bleeding, dying, and I couldn’t even tell you that I love you.”

Richie went stiff around Eddie for a second, and Eddie’s gut tensed with the realization of what his fearful and half-awake state had caused him to confess. Richie melted into Eddie’s touch after just a moment though, holding him tighter and pressing a lingering kiss to the top of his head.

“Get some sleep, Eds,” Richie said. “Tomorrow… tomorrow will come and maybe, maybe you’ll be able to say things you want to say. Things that we probably shouldn’t be saying tonight, with no sleep.”

“Are there things you want to say, Richie?” Eddie asked him lightly, his thumb rubbing at Richie’s shoulder blades. He could feel Richie’s breathing and it was slowly, but surely, drawing Eddie back into sleep.

“I would ask you to come to California with me,” Richie said in a hushed whisper. “Say that you shouldn’t stay with your mother, and you should come with me even if you’re not going to school. That I don’t want to leave you here with her. But I… I shouldn’t say that stuff.”

“Well,” Eddie said sleepily. “If you ever did say that stuff… I’d say yes.” Eddie feel asleep before he could hear if Richie responded.

[seeking-humanity]

I am uncomfortable with forgetting

Each morning of fifth grade, I would visit each of my teachers from previous years. I would greet them by name, give them a big hug, and quite literally skip to the next one’s classrooms. This routine was a comforting way to start my day in a pleasant manner, and it was satisfying that I was able to make these five adults happy first thing in the morning.

We had a friendly contest my freshman year of high school to see who could name all of their previous teachers, kindergarten through 8th grade. The morning greetings to my old classrooms gave me a great advantage for the first six names. Though I did not continue the habit into middle school, the freshness of those memories lent me enough clarity to win the contest.

I can still name those first six names, though slower than I used to. Mrs. S, Mr. S, Miss E, Miss S, Mrs. W, and Mrs. F. Their faces are buried deep in my mind. I must remember what they taught me since I’ve nearly completed my senior year of college, but I can only pull a few especially distinct experiences from each of my elementary years.

Though my first years of school are recalled with a small amount of effort, I have almost no memory of my schedules in middle school. Granted, I had six to 12 teachers per year instead of only one and was developing in physical, social, and mental manners in leaps and bounds. Even so, it troubles me that the names of those who shaped my brain like a potter with clay are lost to me.

To widen the scope beyond those pillars of influence in my education, I often wonder what friends have faded from my thoughts. I was a happy child with the average amount of peers, yet as I have only stayed in touch with a few, I cannot remember who I played with at recess or when I got invited to my first sleepover.

Widening again, beyond people, I can’t remember what color my bedroom was in our California home. The name of the neighbor’s dog is lost to me. My first hot chocolate, trip to the movie theater, attempt to climb a tree. These pivotal moments that made me who I am are now nothing more than the influence they’ve had on me.

Worse yet, there is nothing I can do to slow this inevitable forgetting. As I once could perfectly picture my kindergarten classroom, I will also forget the layout of my first apartment. I will struggle to remember what my sister looked like before she dyed her hair or how the rain of my hometown felt on my skin when I walked out of the airport.

I am a believer in the philosophy that life is what you make of it. One cannot help themselves by moping and wishing for a better life. Still, I do not have to be happy about these small, unstoppable farewells.

Once, I attempted to make a record of all aspects of my life that I experienced and remembered. I hoped that if I could write it all down, I wouldn’t lose anything. There were a few problems with this attempt.

Like a phone camera at a concert, documentation of life gets in the way of living it. You cannot Instagram your cake and eat it, too. With the goal of exact remembering, I didn’t have time or energy to enjoy new experiences or seek out the opportunities that make life worth living.

Secondly, you can’t know what you will forget. It is impossible and, furthermore, impossibly frustrating to try to know. In writing a perfect description of our home, I etched it into my memory. Instead, I lost the evergreen trees in our backyard and the song that birds would perform from their branches.

Sister to this worry of mine is the instant fading of what our brain decides is meaningless information. When you walk into a cafe, the smell of fresh pastries and coffee hits you like a wave on sand. So strong, it’s impossible to miss or ignore. As you sit at one of the tables, the scent slowly fades as your nose adjusts to it’s consistency. You calibrate in an evolutionary effort to be ready to notice changes in your environment.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? The day before? The month before? Happiness is often found in these little moments, but as we stay consistently content, our bodies don’t keep the feeling as important information.

I am uncomfortable with this constant forgetting, but I also know that the perfect storage of everything that happens to me would be intolerable on a level that I’ll never truly understand. I reserve the right to wish for a world where it wasn’t necessary to compress our daily lives to a fraction of memories, but understand that it will never happen for my own good.

[lickmeleclerc]

|Falling Short| H.H {Chapter 1}

Characters :Highschool!Harry Holland x Y/n (female reader)

Summary: Y/n & Harry were inseparable hence the verb were. Near the end of 8th year they started to drift apart, Now Senior year of high school they’ve completely been out of each other's lives for three years. This is a normal occurrence with friendships but not so much for two people who have been best friends since the age of two and happen to live next door to each other. What event can reunite them?

Playlist: Here

Warnings: ITS LONG AF RIP none yet, angst maybe ?

Harry did the same thing on the first day of school every year. Late. He quickly brushes his teeth and runs a comb through his curly hair. Then throws on some joggers and a T-shirt before leaving to go pick up his girlfriend. Like he always does. As he exits his house he spots On walking to her car, still his neighbor and still aware of all the memories he’s had with her he finds it odd she’s only in shorts and a maroon top. In the past she’d call him the night before and talk for hours about what to wear before arriving at his house for their end of Summer sleepover. That night they’d compare schedules and goals for the upcoming year. That’s the past though. As she steps in her car his brown eyes land on a sizeable bruise on her calf and wonders what daredevilish stunt she was up to, to get that. It's a strange thought for him to know so much about someone but not call them a friend or even an acquaintance. With a quick glance he watchs Y/n pull away from the curb and in the direction of their high school. Maybe it’s the thought of senior year and he’s focussed on reminiscing but he can’t seem to shake Y/n from his mind this morning.

A loud honk blares from the left as Harry starts to pull from the shoulder of the road, he turns quickly as a car speeds past.

"Jackass!" The stranger yells with his middle finger up. Harry just rolls his eyes with a sigh and continues on with more caution to his girlfriend’s.

Y/n speeds to her high school her lead foot not failing her today. The music blares through the small speakers and a smile is on her face at the thought, this will be the last first day of school. Ever. And then her life can truly begin. She’s been pinning after a soccer scholarship since freshman year and to say she is good is an understatement. It’s not a fond memory to Harry but Y/n would kick his little seven year old ass at soccer in her backyard when they were kids. She’d have to bring him a popsicle and apologize for gloating to cheer him back up.

Harry’s brakes squeak as his silver hatchback comes to a halt in front of his girlfriend. She has arms crossed and a foot tapping the ground.

“You’re late.” She mumbles as she slams the door her long braided hair flips over her shoulder as she still holds a scowl. Harry only gives a sigh in response as he switches the gear back to drive. Julie sits up and cranks the radio as Blink-182s ‘I Miss You’ starts.

“What’s your schedule like babe?” He asks making conversation as the song ends. He glances at her from the corner of her eye and shes her opening her binder where he sees her laminated schedule with color coded highlights.

“First is chemistry.” She answers looking it over and making sure her binder is in order.

“Damn that's rough. I have english.” He continues speaking as he pulls into a parking space. Julie has always had more advanced classes than him, he met her when he needed a tutor freshman year and he considered himself lucky when she said yes to a first date.

 "Let's go see John and Kathy before the bell rings." She excitedly yells while getting out of the  car faster than her ever seen. Kathy and John are their couple. Like in The t.v series 'How I Met Your Mother' the episode where Lily and Marshall are trying to find a couple for them to be friends with and go on double dates with. John and Kathy are Harry and Julie’s couple. Julie and him hadn't been able to see them all summer long because their families took a three month long trip to the Caribbean islands. The instagram photos looked incredible and Julie gave Harry an earful over their ‘boring’ summer. Harry rolled his eyes when she showed him the photos, of course he’d love a vacation there but not for the five star hotels and swedish massages but for the sunsets the light blue ocean. He’d get the most memorable photographs.

"Kathy!" Julie exclaims as she spots the blonde in a pink summer dress seated at the usual lunch table they all occupied since they’ve become friends. Harry spots John and nods to him but not speeding his pace up to greet him. Before he reaches them his eyes land on movement behind him. Y/n is in the arms of Kyle Buchanan. He blames Kyle for the split and the changes he’d seen develop in her once they began their relationship. He can remember the day clearly just like Y/n’s 6th birthday.

“Hey Y/n meet my buddy Kyle, he’s in my film class.” Harry introduced the blonde haired blue eyed boy to his best friend. A blush crept onto her cheeks and her posture shifted, only Harry could pick up on it.

“Hey. Wow not to be forward but can I just say you’re beautiful. I’d love for you to be a model for me sometime.” As those words left Kyle’s mouth he could see Y/n swooning. And then Harry saw his true colors and he’d do anything to protect Y/n, he promised.

"Please stay away from him Y/n he's bad news." He begged as she sat on the edge of his bed anger and confusion written on her face.

"You set us up and now you want me to Break up with him?" her voice just under a yell.

"Please for me. He's gonna hurt you and I'm gonna have to pick up all the pieces!" He bursts hinting at the past. That set a flame off in Y/n leading to an explosion like the string to a firecracker.

"You're just jealous!" There's the first shout between them. A first fight even so.

"Me jealous of him dating you? Please." harry scoffs turning from looking out the window to glare at her. Why would he be jealous? What was Y/n implying?

“You think he's bad news and changing me? Just look at you! You've never treated me like this before!" The angry girl stands now.

"Yeah well people do change and at least I'm not changing cause I want someone's popularity status!"

"You know what Harry? I hate you!"

"The feelings mutual."

With that she stormed out of his house and that was the last time they had a full conversation  together

"Earth to Harry!" Julie giggles pulling him from his sad thoughts as she slides an arm through his crossed one and leans on his shoulder. A smile on her lips as she looks up at him through her lashes. He blinks rapidly and turns to face her, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Sorry. What'd I miss?" He laughs lightly excusing his loss of attention as he glances at Y/n once more. He eyes her as she giggles with Kyle and his friends. Julie and Kathy explain lunch plans.

Y/n feels the warmth of Kyle’s hands on her lower back as she faces him, they both are holding eye contact and laughing. She leans up and kisses the corner of his mouth and cheek.

“That was cute.” He laughs pulling her closer as she scrunches her nose up. The warning bell for the start of first breaks them apart and they go their separate ways to their proper classes.

Harry waltzes into his English class and takes a seat by the window. He spots a class running laps around the track and what looks like a few students skipping class as they sit by a tree on their phones. Writing along with photography is some of Harry’s biggest passions. He recalls when him and Y/n use to write their adventure stories along with the princess fantasies. He was prince Harry and Y/n obviously princess Y/n. That’s what built his love for writing, Y/n showing him the fun in it. As he turns from the window and glances around the classroom he spots some of his old classmates from last year and some of his buddies. As the bell rings a flash of red bolts into the room taking a seat in the back, but without seeing the face he knows who it is, Y/n.

"Happy first day class. I'm Mrs.Hall." The teacher introduces herself to the class. She’s a fairly older women with already set wrinkles on her forehead and she’s dressed like a librarian. A skirt below the ankle and a long sleeve with a dressy vest over it in all muted gray tones. Harry is starting to sense she’s not going to make english fun.

"I don't want any funny business in this classroom. Rule one; no phones or iPads this is an English class we're using pen and paper. Rule two; no gum chewing or talking while I'm talking. Rule three; when I do assign partners or make seating charts there is no exceptions or changes." The woman smiles but not a kind one, it was evil. Then adjusts her glasses on the bridge of her nose and grabs a clipboard off her desk. Harry’s feeling what definitely right about her. With a sigh he crosses his arms and leans against his desk.

"Let's get to work then, I'm not into 'get to know me games' on the first day of school, I'll get to know you by the work you turn in and you'll get to know me by how I grade and act towards you. Your first assignment of the year is a partner reading book report. Yes, I have already assigned partners." Mrs. Hill instructs as her beady eyes skim over the class sitting before her. She licks her thin lips then speaks again.

"When I call out you and your partners name please introduce yourselves and sit with them." She continues as she holds the clipboard up to read aloud.

"Stacy d. and Jack b."

"Luke w. and Luke m."

"Jane w. and Beckett o."

"Harry H. And Y/n Y/l/n."

After Harry and Y/n’s name was called out to be partners his jaw drops. He almost wants to laugh along with it, yes he’s seen many rom coms and he never thought he’d be in one of the biggest tropes of them. He was nervous though to turn around and face her.He also wasn’t ready to be partnered with her for at least a week doing a project together. He already knows what book she’ll choose, ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower.’ It’s been her favorite book for a long time, well as long as he can remember. Finally Harry forces himself to turn. Her facial expression mirrors his but once they make eye contact she collects her belongings and moves to the empty chair beside him.

"Hi I'm Y/n." She says pulling a fake smile at him but her dimple on her cheek still pokes out. Harry doesn’t know any better way to respond.

"Hey, I'm Harry." He replies and sticks his  hand out for her to shake going along with whatever crazy idea is in Y/n’s mind. As she grabs his hand and shakes it Harry feels comfortable by her touch. He holds a small smile on his face as they continue to shake hands, neither of them stopping it. Y/n starts to giggle and slowly pulls away.

"So I recommend we do the book 'Catcher and the rye' by J.D Salinger"  She suggests opening up to the first page in her notebook. For the second time in this class, Harry is in shock.

"I was thinking a more personal book like 'Perks of being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky." He interjects while grabbing a notebook from his bag that lays next to him on the floor. As he turns back to look at her she wears this look on her face, a small sprout of a smile playing on her lips, it  looks like she's reminiscing on a fond memory. Harry holds back a smug smirk, his quick thinking worked and a feeling of hope stirs in his mind.

A smile starts to grow on his face stares at her, she looks the same as when they were young but her features are so much more mature now. Her eyes still a mix of colors and at a time once Harry replied to the question,” What's your favorite color?” With “Y/n’s eyes.”. Her nose structure slightly different due to the baseball accident where Harry accidentally struck her with a baseball bat when they were ten, but that imperfection made her face so much more unique and beautiful. Her lips were a soft shade of red only because her favorite Chapstick is cherry kool-aid that always stains her lips. She never got braces like Harry did, But to Harry her crooked teeth add so much to her character.

"You remembered?" She softly speaks drawing him out of the trance of admiring her looks he found himself in.

"It's not something you forget easily when every sleepover we've ever had you made me watch the movie." He jokes. Y/n finds herself staring at his unique birthmark. The two hold their gazes maybe a moment too long before returning to the task at hand.

"Uhm. I think that's a great choice." She finally speaks looking away from her old friend and writing it down in her notebook. Harry copies her actions and his cheeks flush some from embarrassment at his hand writing or more likely, chicken scratch. His mind registers that him and Y/n just had a moment? Maybe his cheeks are flushed for a different reason.

Mrs.Hall comes around passing out a paper of the requirements and a list of questions that would need to be answered to complete the project after the book of our choice is chosen. She seemed found BY/n. Harry could tell but he wasn’t surprised by it. She’s very likeable.The bell rang dismissing everyone and Y/n didn’t even take time to say a goodbye she quickly left the room for her next class. Harry slowly packed his stuff and headed out his brown eyes searching for Y/n.

The next three of Harry’s classes were physics, calculus, and weight training. Thanks to Julie tutoring him he was actually catching on to what the syllabus said and understanding how the procedures in class would go. In weight training the ‘get to know me’ game was an intense game of tag. The teacher was very laid back and Harry was coming to the conclusion this would be his favorite class for the year. He caught his breath by leaning his hands on his knees as the bell rang and the teacher blew his whistle signalling the students back inside. He watched his shoes crunch down on the grass as the fall weather seemed to be coming too soon this year.

"Hey cutie." Harry smiles into Julie’s blonde hair as he shakes his arms around her middle. A giggle emits from her mouth as she leans into his chest. She smells like vanilla and Harry can't seem to get enough of it.

“Stop!” She giggles and squirms to get away from his puppy dog like sniffing. A wide smile breaks across his face at her actions and he finally lets her go. For the first time today Y/n is not on his mind.

"Ready for Panera?" She asks as our hands subconsciously interlock as we exit through the back side door in the direction of the parking lot.

"You know it." Harry answers as his eyes travel over her. The new short blonde hair she cut last week floated behind her back as a gust of wind came by and her dark blue eyes squinted in the sun. Harry could gasp at her beauty and he can't fathom how he got so lucky to be able to call Julie Fields his girlfriend.

"Why are you staring at me?" She furrowed her eyebrows and held up a hand to give her eyes a break from the Sun's bright rays.

"Because I have the right to stare at my beautiful girlfriend." Harry answered wittily and pulled her into a kiss. Heer smile forced them to pull apart. This time Julie was admiring his features and he could by the way her eyes raked across his face and fell back to his eyes.

"I love you." She softly speaks watching for his reaction. These three words aren’t a common occurrence between this couple. They save these words for intimate moments.

"I love you too." The boy in her arms answers and slides his thumbs into the belt loops of her denim shorts pulling her flush against his hips then moving his hands into her back pockets. Harry had to admit he is an ass guy. As their mouths connected again into a deeper kiss Harry couldn’t help but feel guilty for telling her he loved her. Can he love someone if he doesn’t even know what love is. He resolved in his mind to say he loves her because maybe he’ll figure it out with her.

"Gross get a room!" A voice yells directed toward the pair lip locking. Immediately they pulled apart from each other at the thought it was the principle but quickly ended up laughing as their eyes landed on John and Kathy.

"Let's hit it." John yelled as him and Kathy got closer to the car. Harry rolls his eyes at John for his childish antics as he unlocked his car.

Y/n spotted the scene between Harry and Julie through the fence that blocks the grassy area from the parking lot. A confused expression appears on her face she expected them to be broken up by now, Harry was never the best with relationships but maybe Julie had changed that for him. She turns back and faces the group around her and Kyle.His hand in on her bare thigh and she spost the bruise on her calf, she questions how that appeared but shrugs it off as a soccer injury.

“How’s soccer Y/n?” A friend asks after taking a bite of the schools famous lasagna. The only hot lunch option that is actually good.

“Good! I have tryouts after school today!” Y/n answers happily and leaning on Kyle’s side. He’s lost in conversation about wrestling with his guy friends. After the two became a couple Kyle didn’t attend film class as much as he use too, he became more of a jock. It almost bettered their relationship because they understand the dedication and effort it takes to be on a team. The weekly dates never suffered through. He turns to her and places a soft kiss on her forehead. Before they can lean in and fully kiss the bell rings ending lunch and leaving them a mere six minutes to get to class.

The Spanish four room is decked out. Posters of all the Spanish speaking countries plastered on the ugly white walls, flags of all the countries hanging from the ceiling. Making the classroom very vibrant with color. The desks were in groups of four and so far Harry’s eyes don’t spot anyone familiar. He chooses to sit at an unoccupied desk hoping a friend would walk through the door. He sets his half full soda on the corner of his desk and checks his phone before class starts. Chester enters with Emily trailing behind, he claps a hand on Harry’s shoulder as he sits beside him.

“How’s it going man?” He starts the conversation as Emily sits with them. His photography club friends are a good crowd if only Julie liked hanging out with them. Before Harry can answer Y/n quickly enters the room a bright smile on her face, he can only wonder if it’s about seeing him. She takes the last empty seat beside Emily and smiles at the table group.

"Y/n! Oh my god I haven't seen you in ages! How've you been?" Emily asks a huge smile on her face. Emily is always overly friendly and doesn’t like silence so she starts the conversation quite frequently.

"I'm great! How are you?" Y/n answers with the same smile she entered with. Harry answers Chesters question but still listens in on Emily and Y/n.

"Amazing!" Emily says back smacking her gum as she continues texting. Y/n decides thats the end of their conversation and turns her attention to the beanie wearing freckle faced boy across from her.

"Chester how've you been?" Y/n asks turning her face away from Emily to face her across from him.

“I’m good, thanks for asking." He smiles and gives her the nod. The 'nod' is what guys do when they're interested in a girl, doesn't he know she's taken? What a douche move. Harry’s thoughts run wild at their interaction, it causes him to shake his head trying to disperse the thought and Y/n all together from them. When his looks back up Y/n’s eyes flick away from him. She was watching him.

"Y/n, if there's any partner projects you're my partner." Chester says quickly as the teacher welcomes the class. Y/n shakes her head yes and smiles. Harry’s chest feels weird watching her smile, he can’t deny that he misses being the reason behind it.

"Hola me llamo señora Carlos. Trabajar con sus grupos para responder a estas preguntas." Señora Carlos got straight to work with the class as she instructed everyone to work with our groups to answer questions she brought up in a powerpoint. It was simple questions, like what we did this summer, what's are favorite color, are parents names, ect. As the class begins working Señora turns on some Spanish music that's quite catchy, HArry catches himself slightly moving to the beat and mouthing some of the words he can pick up on.. Y/n locks eyes with him and holds in a laugh, she’s mimicking his actions.  As the chorus rolls around again the two wildly lip sync together entertaining their group.

"I think you two need to do that for the talent show!" Senora Carlos claps toward us. She obviously watched the two ‘perform’ A blush casts itself over Y/n’s cheeks and Harry just laughed.

"No way!" Y/n objects with a shake of her head as she returns to her work.

"I don't know Y/n I think we'd win." Harry jokes nodding over dramatically. She shakes her head back and forth again signalling ‘no’  with a final laugh and her smile fading. Another moment ending too soon. The rest of class Y/n and Harry did not talk but Harry kept looking for ways to interact with her more. Before Harry could though Senora was dismissing everyone.

"Adios clase!" Señora Carlos smiles as everyone exits her class as the bell rings. She's so expressive in her hand motions and facial expressions which makes Harry stifle a chuckle as he walks past her.

"Hey Harry." A deep voice calls. The red head quickly side steps out of the way of the crowded hallway of students rushing to their next class and standby the drinking fountain. Kyle steps in front of him holding a smirk.

"Hey?” Harry responds more as a question rather than a friendly reply.

"How've you been? Haven't talked to you in years!" Kyle smiles and pats Harry on his bare arm. The sickly sweet tone of his voice is demeaning and Harry would love to  turn and walk away. He takes in how different the boy before him looks since freshman year. His hair is longer and even more shaggy, he's gotten taller too but still not taller than Harry himself, he is more muscular though Harry has to admit. And the fact Kyle has extremely white teeths has Harry feeling self conscious about his own..

"I've been good, how about you?" Harry ask making himself sound friendly. He always has been a lover not a fighter.

"Great! Y/n and I went to California this summer it was blast. What'd you do?" After he said that the curly haired boy understands why he's been stopped in the hall, not regain a friend but to get Y/n and their relationship rubbed in his face he still has Y/n. Not that Harry likes her or anything, but that he doesn’t have any form of a relationship with her and he does. After the fight between Harry and Y/n, she obviously told Kyle because he tried to fight Harry that day.

"Wow that sounds fun. Julie and I kept it local and it was more fun than traveling let me tell you." Harry mirked hoping he'd pick up on his hint. Even though he was full of shit and hasn’t even came close to that with Julie. He knows Y/n,and that she wouldn't do that with someone like Kyle.

"Yeah but think of this, sex in every city we went to." Kyle laughs before turning up the stairs getting the last word in with a disgusting smirk. Harry bites his lip out of anger and turns in the direction of his class. Y/n must not be the same girl he grew up with he comes to the conclusion as he enters the auditorium. He tries to push the conversation between Kyle and him out of his head as he takes his seat in the first row of blue seats in front of the large stage. Theater class should change his mood for the better.

Y/n brushes her hair off her shoulder as she speaks with the teacher trying to explain this is a schedule mishap and she’s definitely not in theater. The shorter woman looks her up and down and smiles.

“We’ll handle this tomorrow, stay for today and see what you think. You just may love it!” Her arm moves as she talks and the large sleeves gesture with her. Y/n only nods folding her schedule up and sliding it in her back pocket with a sigh. The limelight was never her calling unless it was for scoring the most goals or breaking a record. The annoyance of having to stay in theatre class for today she sits as the teacher plops herself in center front stage, her legs hanging off the edge.

"Hey class! I'm Mrs. Burns. Since it's the first day and a theater class were going to do some improv as our 'get to know you game!' I'm gonna number everyone off by five and if you have the same number get a partner and you'll be acting together." She instructs us and starts counting off. Y/n is a one and Harry is too.  All of the ones form a group and all have been partnered expect Y/n and Harry.

"Hey partner." She smiles. It’s a real one this time and Harry feels accomplished even if he did nothing to receive it. The fact Y/n is being so friendly means something to him.

"Ok ones! Who's acting first?" Mrs. Burns asks as she claps her ring clad fingers together. All the fellow number ones point at Harry and Y/n.

"Okay so you're both ballerinas who have to pee but have to go on stage in 30 seconds now act!" Mrs. Burns yells in a deep voice that causes a few students to giggle. The two walk to center stage while everyone else is still seated. The lights blind them from seeing their peers.

"If I cecchetti I'm going to pee myself." Y/n starts off causing Harry to almost burst into giggles and break his character. His body language now held straight and more formal as he tries to walk on his tippy toes.

"To late for a potty break now we have to go on!" He responds after stopping the laugh about to leave his throat. He walks toward the left and Y/n catches on doing the same. She holds her tippy toes better than Harry but the bruise on her leg now aches at the new way of walking.

"I think I just peed a little what am I gonna do?" She asks making a worried face and the class laughs along with Harry this time.

"Hide it with your tutu, that's what I did." He fires back erupting more laughs from his audience as he acts as if he has a tutu on. Y/n nods and starts doing the same thing they awfully imitate ballerina moves. She's like a different person when she acts, even for this small skit she shows no signs of being shy or embarrassed. She really has changed, and Harry not only noticed it but he likes the braver Y/n too.

"FREEZE!" A student shouts and the two oblige. Y/n is stuck balancing on one foot with both arms raised she's wobbling but smiling wide. Harry feels a top on his arm signaling he’s being pulled from the scene and jumps off the stage taking a seat again.

"Y/n, you can't fly." He says grabbing her arm and pulling her back so she on both feet again. The guy who took Harry’s spot is unfamiliar to him and he wonders how he even knows her.

"But dad! I'm a superhero who can fly!" She yells like a baby and crosses her arms moving her center of gravity so she's hunched over more childlike. "I'll show you how." She continues and spreads the guys arms out. He looks over her actions dramatically to show effect.

"Now close your eyes." Y/n says sounding mischievous. As he does so she goes behind him tiptoeing like a bad thief in cartoons.

"And FLY!" She yells and shoves him, lightly but he gets the idea and falls.

"Help me up right now!" He demands sounding angry. As she leans down to grab his hands a chorus of 'FREEZE' is heard and Y/n gets tapped out. She has huge smile on her face and it shocks Harry how much she's actually changed from when they were friends; she was shy and never wanted to join theater with Harry before. No matter how much he had begged and tried to bribe her. And now she’s such a natural Saying she's changed isn't the right word to describe Y/n though because that word usually has a negative connotation with it, she's evolved. HArry sits back in his chair as Y/n descends the small set of stairs exiting the stage.

The next two people up are joking around, not really holding to an idea or formulating their characters. The girl calls out trust fall and actually falls full force into her partners arms but the fast action doesn’t register with him and they both end up actually falling and land on the hard floor, the noise echoes throughout the empty auditorium. Everyone is silent as they wait for the reactions of the two who fell trying to determine if they are actually hurt.

"Romeo Romeo where art OW!" The guy yelps and earns a chorus of laughter from everyone. When they get up and walk back to their seats rubbing their butts and arms, Y/n high fives the guy.

"Okay class that's enough for today, we'll pick this back up tomorrow. Happy first day of school! See you for the next nine months." She waves as everyone stampedes to the exit. Y/n and Harry end up being the last people in the room.

"Hey Y/n!" He call as she exits the room just before him causing him to take large steps to catch up. She comes to a halt and whips around her hair flying in her face. She moves it quickly behind her ear with an airy laugh. Y/n can laugh over anything it makes her so approachable.

"Yeah?" She questions. He wasn't expecting her to stop not sure if he even heard his call. He opens and closes his mouth searching for his words.

"There's a back to school party tonight at, Micah's, I was wondering if you're going cause-" before I can finish my reasoning why she cuts me off.

“Are you going?” Her eyes hold contact with Harry before its too much for him and he shifts his glare to the floor looking at her red sneakers that match her shirt.

“Yeah, I was planning on it.” He answers her. Y/n is surprised parties were always too much for him, he loved being around people and entertaining but high school parties always ended with Y/n pulling Harry out early so he didn’t panic from all the chaos.

“Well if anything changes I think we should start on our book report tonight. My number hasn’t changed so text me if you’re free.” She smiles leaving her thoughts secret and turns back to head to the doors looking for Kyle.

Harry starts thinking of a way to tell Julie she can’t make the party tonight when two small hands cover over his eyes, he closes them as a reactions and laughs.

“Guess who!” A voice whispered in his ear and he laughs again.

“Hmm my beautiful girlfriend Julie?” He questions and turns around scooping her cheeks in his large hands. She’s had a good first day and Harry is happy about that but he knows he’s about to ruin it. Julie may be the principles kid but she’s big partier. It’s where she actually lets loose and doesn’t think of school or exams or college. He finds himself stressed out when she goes on and on about those subjects.

As they walk to the parking lot she notices something is off.

“What’s going on babe?” She questions biting her lip and watching his facial expression change as he sighs holding a hand on his door.

“I can’t come to the party tonight.” He finally says and watches her smile drop from across the hood of the car. Without a word she gets into the passenger seat and slams his car door. He knew she’d react this way and he tries to prepare for the long lecture there is to come as he drives her home.

“And that’s why I think you should come Harry. We can blow off steam before the stress of school starts.” She finishes as he parks curbside of her house. She lives on the more wealthy side of town and her large house mocks his cheap car.

“I can’t go Julie, I’m sorry.” The words leave his mouth before he can register than he’s choosing to hang out with Y/n rather than party with his girlfriend. She decides to leave it at that and stomp off into her house. He sighs and leans his head on the steering wheel before finally returning home. He looks at his room and begins cleaning it up and looking for an outfit before typing a text for Y/n.

Taglist: @paljungmu  @painted-soulss  @living-dead-parker  @damnhisfaceisliketheskyatnight  @spiderman-n  @redhoodparker  @typicaltrashbagg  @beautiful-holland  @quitetommy @cherryhollands  @parkerstan  @spideykisses @lovelyh0lland @thesciencebabe

[5hfanfiction]

I Wanna Know You

Summary: Camren story based on a few Hannah Montana songs.

–

Camila should’ve known to throw it out, but she never was able to bring herself to do so. In hindsight, it had been months since she had last touched it, she forgot it was even there. She’d given up in her pursuit of her best friend, Lauren Jauregui. seven months into Lauren’s relationship with Lucy Vives, she knew she should cease her silly little crush. The two were perfect together, there was no doubt in her mind they’d probably get married. Lauren would gush about Lucy to Camila all the time causing the brown eyed girl’s heart to break slowly and painfully. Nonetheless, she always listened with a smile and gave her support. 

The two were packing Camila’s luggage for her two day trip to New York. Well, it was more like Lauren was packing Camila’s luggage while the younger girl was sprawled out on her bed, ranting about missing a mere two days of school for a college related reason.

“I’m going to miss two whole days of school! Two! I’m going to be so behind! Maybe I should just cancel this visit, I don’t even really want to go to NYU!” The young Cuban said exasperatedly.  

“Camz, calm down.” The green eyed girl chuckled. “You’ll be fine, I’ll get all the notes for you and teach it to you when you get back. Plus, that’s bullshit. You’ve always wanted to go to NYU. Don’t cancel it.”

“What if I have to go to truancy court for missing my classes? Oh my-“ Camila realized, springing up from the bed.

“You’re won’t be truant. You have to miss like 400 classes to go to truancy court. You’re only missing six, and you haven’t even missed a class this year.” The raven haired girl reassured.

The younger girl pouted “It’ll mess up my perfect attendance!”

“Nobody cares about that, you dork.” Lauren teased.

“Stupid college visits.” The brown eyed girl mumbled into her pillow.

Lauren shook her head at her best friend’s antics, rummaging through Camila’s disorganized drawers in order to find some shirts. 

“Hey, Camz where the fuck are all of your-“ She began before she stumbled upon a small shoe box in her drawer. “Okay, I know you’re messy as fuck but what is a shoe box doing in your drawer?”

Camila’s eyes widened, “Oh, um, I don’t know.” She chuckled nervously, trying to snatch it from her best friend’s hands.

The green eyed girl raised her eyebrows as she read “For Lauren” labeled on the box. She held the box out of the squirming other girl’s reach. “What’s this?” She asked.

“I-It’s dumb.” The brown haired girl stammered to think of a lie. “It’s just a box of pictures of us, you know, memories with my best friend kind of thing?”

“Ooh!” The raven haired girl answered, moving out of the way, causing the younger girl to lose her balance and nearly fall over. “I wanna see.” She plopped down on the bed and made a move to open the box.

Camila quickly recovered from, in her eyes, her 34000th near death experience and before Lauren could do anything else, she snatched it from her and shoved it back into her drawer. 

“It’s um.” She nervously racked her brain to think of another lie. “It’s a surprise for your birthday!” 

Lauren didn’t buy the lie one bit. “Camz, my birthday is six months away, never in your life have you ever gotten anyone a present that early and besides, I know when you’re lying.”

Before Camila could answer, Lauren’s phone rang, the sound of Lucy’s ringtone, Breaking Free from High School Musical, filled the room causing Lauren to break out in a smile. For the first time, Camila was glad to hear that ringtone.

Camila tuned out their conversation, distracting herself by deciding to continue packing. She figured she might as well go visit NYU since it’s too late now to cancel her flight and it was indeed her dream school. It also wasn’t a bad thing that she’d be away from Lauren and Lucy’s heavy make out sessions during lunch for two days.

“I forgot Luce and I had a date planned tonight, so I’ve gotta head out.” Lauren cooly explained, sticking her hands in her pockets. “I pretty much packed everything except your shirts, I don’t know how you ever find anything in those cluttered ass drawers of yours.”

“Alright, thanks Lo. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The brown eyed girl responded, rocking back and forth on her heels. 

With that, Lauren left without another word. Camila didn’t bother to follow her out, her heart still racing after her best friend nearly found out the one secret she’s kept from her. She quickly shook her head and decided she should stash the box somewhere else, she still didn’t have the heart to throw it out.

Lauren on the other hand, didn’t believe that said box was for her birthday. Her best friend would never. The girl literally never knows what to get her, she’d always pester her about what she wanted for her birthday. Every year, Lauren would always say “Surprise me.” as a way to aggravate Camila. Did Camila finally decide to stop asking her? Lauren highly doubted it.

***

“Oh my God, Lo. The campus is so beautiful. I love it there, the people, the campus, everything! I seriously can’t wait to get out of this shit hole of a school and go there!” Camila gushed. 

Lauren put her pencil down and listened with a smile. “Haven’t you visited like two times before?” 

“Yeah,” The brunette admitted, “But I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it. Every time I go, I fall in love with it even more.”

The green eyed girl let out a chuckle, “Don’t worry, that’s how I am when I visit New Orleans.” The girl paused, “Hey, uhh I think I left my jacket up in your room before you left. Tell you what, you finish up this problem while I go get it, okay?” She asked while pointing to a problem in the Calculus book they were currently doing. Lauren was in the midst of teaching Camila the lesson she missed from class. 

“Fuck calculus.” The brown eyed girl grumbled before getting back to work.

For the past five days, the mysterious box had been on Lauren’s mind. She wondered what it could possibly be that would cause her best friend to hide it from her, was it her sex toys? The thought of that disappeared from her mind as quickly as it came, it wouldn’t be labeled ‘For Lauren’ if it were. That would be creepy. Was it her stash of weed? No way, Camila has never done drugs… or did she? Could that be why she hid it from her? Does she have a drug problem? Her best friend had been acting a little wild lately… then again that’s just how Camila is. She made a mental note to hold an intervention if it truly was her drug stash.

As soon as Lauren entered Camila’s room, she went straight for the drawer in search of the mystery box. She scoured through every nook and cranny of the drawer but to no avail. She fucking hid it somewhere else Lauren breathed out. She searched underneath her bed, in her desk, and in her bookshelf always coming out empty handed. 

“Lo, what’re you doing?” Camila questioned causing Lauren to jump.

“Guess I didn’t forget my jacket after all!” The raven haired girl nervously chuckled. “Oh, mind if I borrow this book?” She asked, pointing to a random book.

“You’ve read Milk & Honey like four times.” The brunette reminded. 

“I just love it so much.” Lauren reasoned.

The other girl relented, “I guess.” 

“Great! Thanks, Camz! “Did you finish the problem?” The green eyed girl inquired, effectively changing the subject.

The two girls began walking back down to the living room, “I wrote down the problem but I didn’t know what to do after that.”

“Of course you did.” Lauren laughed.

***

It’d been a little over a month since their study session. The duo were two weeks away from finishing their last week of their first semester of their senior year of high school. Lauren had forgotten all about the box, much to Camila’s relief. The two were celebrating winter break a little early by having a sleepover, a tradition they had for the last eight years. The tradition normally fell on the weekend before winter break, but the green eyed girl had plans with Lucy, so they worked around it. Lauren was going through Camila’s closet looking for clothes to wear for their “fashion show,” another part of their tradition. Were they too old to do fashion shows? Probably, but that never stopped them. However, Camila’s closet was a mess. It was like a tornado ripped right through it, it was impossible to find anything. Lauren spied a few items she might be able to use for their show when some clothes on the floor shoved into the corner caught her eye. She picked out a jean jacket, a black skirt, and some high waisted jeans that would suffice when she stumbled upon the box. She peaked over her shoulder to make sure Camila was still preoccupied before tucking it under some of the clothes in her arms. 

Camila crashed after their “fashion show” and about halfway through the movie the two were watching. Lauren on the other hand, was wide awake. Throughout the entire night, she was dying to know what was inside of the box her best friend made such an effort to hide. She cautiously slipped out of the bed she was sharing with the doe eyed girl before heading off to the bathroom where she kept the box. 

As soon as she got to the bathroom, she eagerly opened the box. Inside, she found neatly folded pieces of paper taped to a CD. There were also wilted rose petals in a tiny bottle, a woven bracelet that oddly looked familiar, some arcade tickets, movie tickets, and photos of the two.

She carefully removed the pieces of paper taped to the CD and slowly unfolded it. She quickly noticed Camila’s messy handwriting filled the entire thing.

If you’re reading this, I guess I finally grew some balls, huh? Lauren, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I’m so lucky to have met you, there’s never a dull moment with you. We could literally be doing our homework together and I would be having a blast. It may be silly, but I put together a CD with a few Hannah Montana songs that remind me of you. I mean, we met in third grade through our mutual love for the queen that is Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana so I figured why not. I realize I probably could’ve just made you a playlist instead, but this way felt more special. If you haven’t thrown away this paper by now, please listen to each song in order and read the description that goes along with it, I explain some lyrics of the song that really stick out to me.

Lauren prayed Camila was still sound asleep as she snuck back into her room to grab the girl’s laptop. Because the room was pitch black, Lauren hit her side on the edge of Camila’s bed frame. She felt as if she had just been shot but bit her lip to suppress the curse that she badly wanted to scream. Holding her side, she took her laptop, rummaged through her bag to find her headphones, and retreated back to the bathroom.

The first song is I Wanna Know You. Lauren inserted the disc, plugged in her headphones, and began to read further.

When I saw you over there with Jeff Clements in the third grade, I didn’t mean to stare. I wanted to know you. You’re the kind of person that’s not afraid to say what’s on your mind. You speak so passionately about things and you have such a way with words, it blows me away. I could listen to you speak about anything for hours. However, you also listen to me when I have something to say. I can’t thank you enough for how you stay up with me at god awful hours just to hear me rant about something as simple as pineapple on pizza (I can already picture you rolling your eyes but it does in fact belong on pizza). Thank you for listening to me on all my relationship troubles, my family troubles, and just being there. 

There’s a mark above your eye you got in July. fighting for your sister’s reputation. I admire the lengths you go for your family. Despite being so much smaller and two grades younger than him, you stood up to Zach Lewis because he made fun of Taylor. I know that you’d do the same for me in a heart beat and I love that about you. 

You remember people’s names and Valentines are lame so I bring you flowers just for no occasion. I’ve always hated Valentine’s day, nobody knows that except you. The rose in the box is one of the many roses you’ve given me.The first time you gave me a rose was in third grade. You originally planned to give the rose to Brad Simpson, but instead, you gave it to me. I didn’t even know you that well, but you saw how upset I was that Austin Mahone gave Sydney a Valentine but not me. You said that I was your Valentine, and you’ve said that every year for the past eight years and it makes me hate Valentine’s day less and less. My past boyfriends would go all out for Valentine’s day and get me mountains of chocolate or bears as big as I am, but none of them have ever made me as happy as the single rose you get me every single year. Lauren paused to examine the dead rose in the bottle. She never realized that a simple rose would make such an impact on her best friend.

You smile, never shout. You know I hate being yelled at. Not once in the years that you’ve known me have you raised your voice at me. You stand out in a crowd.You’re always the one everyone notices. You’re always the one that I notice. Your bright green eyes differentiate you from the all the others. I can tell how you’re feeling just by your eyes. You make the best of every situation. I don’t know how you do it, I don’t know how you can be so optimistic about everything. I wish I had that trait. I remember the time that we wanted to go to the waterpark but neither of us wanted to bike there so being the genius that you are, you turned on the sprinklers in your backyard and had us run through it, screaming like idiots.

Correct me if I’m wrong, You’re fragile and you’re strong. A beautiful and perfect combination. It’s contradictory, but it’s so true. You’re fragile, you’re vulnerable, but you’re also strong. You’re so fucking strong.

I wanna go there where you go. I wanna go on more late night adventures with you. I wanna go on spontaneous road trips with you. I wanna find out what you know and maybe someday down the road sit back and say to myself ‘I like how you are with me.’ Maybe that someday is today. Today I’ve been reflecting on everything we’ve done together. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for. You treat me like no one else does, sure we’re sarcastic assholes towards each other but you just get me. You know me on levels no one has ever dared to venture. Thank you.

The next song is True Friend.

We sign our cards and letters BFF. You’ve got a million ways to make me laugh. It could be as simple as making a funny face or something as complicated as our countless inside jokes. Thank you. Your mom always says that laughter makes you live longer so thank you for making me laugh so much I’ve probably added a million years to my life. And I’m hoping that we’ll have a million more laughs in the future.

You’re looking out for me; you’ve got my back it’s so good to have you around. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you told me that Michael was no good. You were just looking out for me and you always have. Had I listened to you, I would’ve saved myself a heartbreak. I promise to listen to you more often. 

You know the secrets I could never tell. You’re the only one that knows that I’m bisexual. It felt so liberating saying it out loud for the first time. Thank you for keeping this secret for me. Thank you for not judging me. You knew something was up with me, but you never pushed me to tell you. I’d freeze up and lose all ability to speak yet you never pressured me.

And when I’m quiet you break through my shell.I was quiet before I met you. My parents were worried that I wouldn’t make friends because I was so introverted. We were supposed to tell the class our favorite song and we both said a song by Hannah Montana I noticed the way you smiled at me but I looked away. At recess, you approached me and started talking to me about Hannah. I was shy and my responses were short, yet by the end of the day you couldn’t get me to shut up. It was then that I knew that we’d easily be good friends.

You’re a true friend, you’re here till the end. I’ve had a lot of friends come and go. You’re the only constant in my life. I hope by the end of this you will still stick around. I can’t imagine my life without you. 

You pull me aside when something ain’t right. You always know when I’m not feeling great. You know in an instant when something is off with me and you know exactly the things to say to make me feel better. Talk with me now and into the night till it’s alright again. You never give up on me. You always find out the root of my problems no matter how late it is. You’d stay up at 3 am with me to try and get to the bottom of it. You’re probably sick of me thanking you by now, but I can’t stress it enough, thank you. You’re a true friend.

You don’t get angry when I change the plans. You know that I’m literally the most indecisive person in the world. I still remember the day you really wanted to go to the zoo but instead I changed the plans to go to the arcade at the very last minute. Inside are the tickets you won for me because I was so set on getting the panda stuffed animal. We didn’t even get close to the amount we needed, mostly because you wasted so many of our tokens on one of those rigged claw machines, but it was the thought that counted. We also didn’t get nearly enough because you suck at skeeball. You’d always aim for the 10,000 point slot but not once did you even make it. I think you got a high score of 9,000 only to be rewarded with five tickets but I got a good laugh out of it so it made it all worth it. You made it all worth it.

Somehow you’re never out of second chances. You always see the good in people. I’ve fucked up so many times in our friendship and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for pushing you away when my parents got divorced. I’m sorry for blowing up at you when Kyle dumped me. I’m sorry for saying horrible things to you when you don’t deserve it. Yet you always forgive me and take yet another chance on me. I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. 

True friends will goto the end of the earth till they find the things you need. That’s exactly what you do now and again. I will never forget the time that you scoured half of Miami just to find a store that sold the magazine Harry Styles was on the cover of just for me. What did I do to deserve someone like you?

Friends hang on through the ups and the downs cause they’ve got someone to believe in. Even when I try to push you away you’re stuck on me like glue. You believe in me when nobody else does and I admire you for that. Thank you so much, Lo.

The next song is Make Some Noise

There’s nothing wrong with just being yourself, that’s more than enough. I remember the day you had come out to me as if it were just yesterday. I could tell that something had been bothering you for days, but I knew better than to pester you about it. I knew that you’d tell me whatever it is that was on your mind. And when you did, you were finally able to be your true self and I was so happy for you. 

So come on and raise your voice. Speak your mind and make some noise. God, I love it when you speak your mind. You have such an intelligent mind. Whenever you’re speaking about politics, you’re so passionate about it and that’s one of the things I love about you. Heck, you could even read the ingredients of an ointment and I’d still be in awe. 

You want to be known, you want to be heard. You’re going to change the world and I just know it. I mean, you’re the captain of the debate team, our student body president, and an activist for women’s rights. You’re going to do big things and I wanna be by your side through it all. 

And know you are beautiful, you have so much to give. You are so so beautiful. I can never understand how you could just wake up and you’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Compared to me, who looks like a fricken zombie in the morning. 

You have a diamond inside of your heart. Your heart is none like I’ve ever seen before. Your heart is so god damn big, I’m hoping that you want to share some of your heart with me. 

A light that shines bright as the stars. You light up any room that you’re in. I also love that about you. You’ve got this personality that just draws people in. And your confidence? It’s through the roof. I wish I had half as much confidence as you. But thanks to you, I’ve got more confidence in my self than I did before I met you. 

There’s no one else who can stand in your place so come on it’s never too late. There’s no one else that I have my eyes on. There’s no one that could captivate me as much as you captivate me. There’s no one that I can picture spending the rest of my life with. I’ve been beating around the bush for the past 10 years, so I’m taking this giant leap and I hope you’ll be there to catch me. 

The next song is One In A Million

Somehow I knew that there was more than just chemistry I mean I knew you were kinda into me. In the seventh grade, we were sitting in my room watching some show on the TV when you all of a sudden suggested that we kissed each other to be each other’s first kiss. “I wanna lose it to someone special, and you’re special to me.” You said. I didn’t need much more convincing after that. We “kissed” each other. The quotations are quite necessary since we ended up bumping heads at first. Then, we bumped teeth because you had went for it a little to harsh. Then we kinda just pecked each other and then after that you basically had your entire mouth over mine. You said “This is how they do it in the movies.” I didn’t question it.

But I figured it’s too good to be true. The next day you kissed Ryan Taylor at recess. I told you that I had gotten a bad grade on a test, but seeing you with him made me mad for some reason. 

I said pinch me where’s the catch this time. In our sophomore year, you held my hand in the hallway.on an October afternoon. I thought it was because you were beginning to have feelings for me. 

Help me before i get used to this guy. Obviously girl in this case. You held my hand through the hallway for the rest of the week and I remember thinking “I could get used to this.” The catch was that you were only trying to make Rebecca jealous. But I forgive you for it. I’ll always forgive you 

You’re making me laugh about the silliest stuff. Your impressions always get me. Especially the one about that crazy lady from the only accident you’ve been in. We laugh about tiny little things that other people probably think we’re outrageous for. Find the picture of us at our Junior Year prom. Lauren did as instructed and examined the pictures. The first of which being a normal picture of the two of them smiling at the camera, the second one being of only the backdrop. The third picture was a picture of Lauren making a goofy face at the camera wearing a giant sombrero and holding up a big ole’ mustache on a stick under her nose and Camila was pictured next to Lauren rocking humungous crooked yellow shades and a neon pink boa wrapped around her neck. However, Camila had a look on her face as if she was about to sneeze. Moments after the picture was taken, Camila let out a giant sneeze, claiming the feathers from the boa were up her nose. And finally, the fourth picture was them breaking out in laughter. Lauren had one hand on Camila’s shoulder, the other held her stomach while her head was thrown back in laughter. Camila was doubled over, hands on both of her knees, and hair looking like a bird’s nest. 

Say that I’m your diamond in the rough. To anyone else, I probably look like a geek. But to you, you say I’m your pink princess. 

When I’m mad at you, you come with your velvet touch. When I’m mad, you don’t even need to say anything. You just sit there across from me, gently rubbing patterns on my leg. I can never stay mad at you for long. 

Can’t believe that I’m so lucky. I can’t believe that I’m so lucky to have the pleasure of being your friend, Lauren Jauregui. In sixth grade, we made matching friendship bracelets out of string. That’s what the bracelet is, if you were wondering. We had worn them everyday until one day in eight grade, I noticed that you weren’t wearing it. You were so afraid to tell me that you had lost it, but when you did, I told you that it was okay. I told you that we could share mine and we did. For the rest of eight grade you’d get to wear it one day, then I’d wear it the next. It was like our thing. In the summer of eight grade, the finally worn down bracelet was seeing its final days and it finally broke. I took it home that night and tried to fix it but my dog chewed it up even more and I eventually misplaced it. I found it behind my dresser the other day and all the memories with this bracelet came rushing back. 

I have never felt so happy every time I see that sparkle in your eye. It makes me happy knowing that you have this look just for me. You and your big green orbs look at me differently than from how you look at everyone else. I’m hoping it’s the same reason that I look at you differently too. 

They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in a blink of an eye. Our friendship has gotten stronger and stronger everyday for the past 10 years. It’s a really good thing for me. You’re really good for me. I’m hoping that the next time I blink, something will have changed for the better.

All this time I was looking for love, trying to make things work. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I tried to find it in Austin, in Ricky, in Shawn, in Michael. I tried to make them all work, I really truly tried. But love had already found me and I’m hoping that it found you too. 

They weren’t good enough till I thought I’m through, said I’m done and stumbled into the arms of the one. Every single time each of these boys broke my heart. you were there to pick up the pieces. You were the only one there for me. You would be my shoulder to cry on. You just held me and let me cry it out, never once telling me “I told you so” when you tried to warn me about all of them. I was trying to force myself to love them because you were happy with somebody else. But being in your arms at the end of the day, made all the heartbreak worth it. 

You’re one in a million. I can’t live my life wondering “what could have been” so incase you haven’t caught on by now, I love you, Lauren. You’re the person I believe is my soulmate. I’ve been hiding this from you for years and it finally feels good to get it off my chest. So, will you be my girlfriend, Lo?

Lauren couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to leave. The raven haired girl folded up the paper haphazardly, put the contents back into the books, yanked hear headphones out of her ears and shut the laptop. It was when she stood up that she noticed the brown eyed girl with tears in her eyes. Lauren didn’t say anything to her, instead, she just squeezed past her, gathered her things, and left without a single word. 

Camila: Let me explain

Camila: Please

Camila: I’m begging you

Camila: Lauren

Camila: Talk to me

Lauren: I just need some space.

Camila didn’t hear from who was supposed to be her best friend the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. It went on for about a week. Lauren didn’t even show up to the classes she shared with Camila. If she did come, the green eyed girl would sit as far away from Camila as possible and have her headphones in. Either that, or Dinah would swoop in and stop her. Camila no longer sat at her usual lunch table anymore. Instead, she’d eat lunch in the bathroom or sometimes, she’d even skip lunch and stay in the library. She was sick of it, she tried texting, she tried calling, she even tried showing up at the girl’s house and every time, she’d be hit with no response. Lucy came by with a box of Camila’s stuff that she had at Lauren’s house. The fact that Lauren didn’t bring it herself made Camila’s heart ache. She just wanted a chance to explain herself to Lauren. Lucy seemed pissed at Camila too. Lauren must’ve told her, I mean why wouldn’t she, she’s Lauren’s girlfriend. 

“Lucy, let me explai-“ Camila started.

“I’ll be back tomorrow at 3 to pick up Lauren’s stuff.” Lucy interrupted and left without another sound. 

It took everything in Camila to pack away all of Lauren’s stuff. With every item she put into the box, her heart broke even more. By the time she did, she felt so drained and didn’t even recognize her room anymore. She felt like a stranger in her own home. When Lucy showed up at her door, took the box, and left without a word, whatever was left of Camila’s heart shattered. 

Embarrassed, angry, confused, and most of all, depressed, Camila silently cried herself to sleep, much like she did for the past two weeks. She didn’t understand how her body hadn’t run out of tears yet.

Winter break was over and Lauren was finally ready to talk. However, when she went to Camila’s locker she was nowhere to be found. She had even asked Normani for Camila’s schedule but it turned out that Normani hadn’t heard from the girl either. She figured that the brown eyed girl was probably just running late, like she always did and decided to wait. When the late bell rang and the petite girl was still nowhere to be found, she gave up and decided to head to class. She’d try again later she thought to herself. A few days passed and there was still no sign of her so called best friend.

Tired of waiting around, Lauren decided to head to Camila’s house after school in hopes of being able to talk to said girl. It felt weird to Lauren having to ring the doorbell of her basically second home. In the box of Camila’s things, she returned the spare key to the brunette’s house. After awkwardly standing on the porch for what felt like an eternity to the raven haired girl, the door finally opened. 

“Lauren?” A familiar voice asked.

“Hi, Mrs. Cabello. Is Camila there?” It felt so wrong to say Mrs. Cabello to Lauren. Normally, she’d refer to her as “Sinu” or “mom” but Lauren didn’t know what their relationship was anymore. She didn’t know if Camila had told her all about their falling out or anything. She didn’t know what boundaries she could cross anymore. It was all so weird to her. 

Mrs. Cabello seemed a bit confused for a minute. “When have you ever called me Mrs. Cabello? And mija didn’t tell you? She decided to finish up school online and is now living in New York for the time being with her tio and tia. 

Lauren was shocked, “Thank you, Sinu. Would you mind telling her hi for me? Please?” 

“She told me that you were doing the same as she was except you’d be in New Orleans, that’s the whole reason why Alejandro and I let her go up there!” The older woman replied.

So Camila didn’t tell her mom about us? Lauren thought. “Oh right, um, yeah, my flight is tomorrow!” She lied. “It was good seeing you, Sinu. Thanks again.” 

Lauren was baffled during the walk back to her car. Camila must think she hates her that much that she moved to a whole different state. The green eyed girl couldn’t help but feel bad. She had been the one that ripped her best friend’s heart out of her chest yet she didn’t tell her parents about it? Had she kept this all to herself the entire time? Lauren felt like absolute shit. Although she never got a response, she decided to try to text Camila again. 

Lauren: I don’t hate you

Lauren: Please talk to me

Lauren: You’re in New York?

Camila: who is this

Camila: no i live in Miami 

Lauren: don’t play this game, you know it’s me. Lauren.

Camila: Lauren who?

Lauren: hello??? your best friend? you don’t know any others named Lauren

Lauren: okay, I’m sorry that was a bit rude. Can we talk?

Camila: I don’t know a Lauren. 

Lauren: Camila, please

Camila: I think you have the wrong number

Lauren: stop playing games and let me fucking talk to you!

Camila: my name is Emily and I’m blocking you now, asshole.

Lauren screamed in the privacy of her own car. She hit her fists against the steering wheel out of frustration. Camila even changed her phone number. Lauren truly felt like the worst friend in the world.

Camila was miserable. She’s in a new city where she doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t know where she’s going, and most of all, she doesn’t even know herself. All she knows is that nothing makes her happy anymore. Every little thing reminds her of Lauren and it’s driving her insane. 

If We Were A Movie is playing on repeat in her mind. 

If we were a movie, you’d be the right guy and I’d be the best friend you’d fall in love with. If this were a movie, Lauren would be hers and she’d be Lauren’s. But this isn’t a movie. This is real life. Sure her heart hurt after her breakups with her previous boyfriends, but if she combined all of her heartbreak together, it wouldn’t even come close to the pain she is experiencing now. Friends can break your heart too. 

In the end we’d be laughing, watching the sunset fade to black, show the names, play that happy song. Instead, she’s watching the gloomy, cloudy New York sky. She keeps replaying the look of disgust that was written all over Lauren’s face the night she read her letter, and sad songs are all that she can stand to listen to. 

When you call me, I can hear it in your voice. “Oh sure! Wanna see me and tell me all about her!” Two months had passed and Camila’s ever so slowly learning to live again. The brunette reconnected with Normani and one night she’s actually hanging out with Lauren at a party. Camila had been FaceTiming Normani and telling her about how she got a job as a music therapist for children when a very drunk Lauren Jauregui snatched the phone out of Normani’s hand. 

“Camz? Why’d jew chaynge yer noomber? Do yew haaate me that much?” She slurred. “I meess you.”

Camila stayed frozen, not knowing what to say, growing more and more uncomfortable by the minute. It’s crazy to think that she used to feel so at ease and safe when in the company of Lauren but now she feels lost and tense.

“Where’s my gurlfrend Loose-e?” The drunk girl wondered. “Is our one yeer anchovy today. We’re going tew have nice sex!” Lauren shoved the phone back into Normani’s hands and went to go in search for her girlfriend. 

I’ll be acting through my tears I guess you’ll never know that I should win an Oscar for this scene I’m in. Camila willed the tears away as she continued her talk with Normani. She acted as though Lauren had never even made a guest appearance. But as soon as the call ended, the girl broke down in tears and all of her progress was lost. It seemed to her that Lauren was doing just fine without her, meanwhile she was still a mess.

Wish I could tell you there’s a twist, some kind of hero in disguise and we’re together. It’s for real. Camila wished that this was one sick nightmare. That her and Lauren were still best of friends finishing their last year of high school together and Lucy wasn’t in the picture. She wished that Lauren had never found the box that ruined everything. She wished that she was happy again.

Wish I could tell you there’s a kiss like something more than in my mind, I see it, could be amazing. Camila pictured kissing Lauren for ages. Like an actual kiss, not like the one from seventh grade. It was amazing in her dream, but when she woke up, reality smacked her in the face. That would never happen in a million years. She sighed and began her day.

Fast forward four months later and it’s Lauren’s birthday. Camila knew that she shouldn’t be thinking of the girl that completely ruined her but she couldn’t help herself. She had spent every birthday with the girl for ten years. This would be the first without her.

I Miss You

You used to call me your angel, said I was sent straight down from heaven. You’d hold me close in your arms. Lauren had always wanting to go and do rebellious things. Camila was always the voice of reason. Which is why Lauren had always called her her angel. It’d been 6 months since she last felt Lauren’s touch and she craved it so bad. She almost gave in multiple times, being one second from buying a plane ticket to go back home. Not to her home home, home as in Lauren’s arms. 

I loved the way you felt so strong, I never wanted you to leave. I wanted you to stay here holding me. Every time Lauren held Camila she felt safe. As if her strong arms could shield her from the rest of the world. The brunette felt safest there. But now she doesn’t know if that would still be the case.

I miss you. I miss your smile and I still shed a tear every once in a while. Camila had been doing a lot better. She was moving forward with her life. She had a great job that she loved, she would be going to her dream school in the fall, she started to make small steps towards opening herself up again. She hadn’t cried over Lauren in a groundbreaking two weeks. 

Even though it’s different now, you’re still here somehow. Camila could see Lauren in most everything she did. She’d see a guy air drumming on the Subway and automatically thought about how that’s a Lauren thing to do. She’d be helping a kid in her music therapy session that had piercing green eyes that would light up whenever Camila played the guitar and all she could think about was Lauren. 

My heart won’t let you go and I need you to know I miss you. Camila knew that she should get over Lauren. They were never even together but she can’t seem to get over it. Her brain knew that this wasn’t healthy and she was stuck in a toxic little cycle, but her heart was too attached. It seemed that her heart was much more powerful than her rational thinking.

You used to call me your dreamer and now I’m living out my dream. Camila got to play guitar for beautiful children in a beautiful city. She got to go to her dream college and be on her way to earn her dream degree. 

Oh how I wish you could see everything that’s happened to me. It’d been a year now. Camila got a raise and has been a slightest bit happier than she was months ago. She opened herself up enough to make friends in her dorm and in the classroom. Her closest friend being Hailee Steinfeld. 

I’m thinking back on the past and it’s true that time is flying by too fast.

She can finally function now. Her thoughts about Lauren have diminished to a few thoughts per day. She no longer sees Lauren in everything. She’s not quite the same as BCE (Before Camren Ended), but she’s on track to get there. Eventually. 

I know you’re where you need to be even though it’s not here with me. Camila has accepted that her and Lauren weren’t meant to be together. She’s given herself closure. She’s stronger now, and because of that, she decides to shoot Lauren a text.

Camila: Hey, it’s Camila.

Mixed Up

How come everything turns out leaving me with more doubts. The two of them catch up. It’s surface level conversation, but it’s better than the radio silence they’d been faced with for the past year. Camila is already doubting if this was the right decision to do or if she should’ve allowed herself more time to heal. 

I feel like I’m upside down and I don’t wanna be here. With each text, she can feel herself slipping back into her old ways. She doesn’t want to go back to how she felt pining after the girl that was so unattainable. So, she takes her time responding, waiting half an hour or more to reply, busying herself with school or any other possible form of distraction. It’s petty, she knows, but it feels like her only defense mechanism.

I go right, should have gone left and I say things I should not have said. Camila slipped up. Big time. They’re talking about their dorm room beds and how uncomfortable they are and Camila accidentally forgets about their boundaries and she slips back into how they used to act as best friends and said “It would be a lot more comfortable if I was in it and we cuddled, you know I’m soooo comfy.” As soon as she sent it, she instantly regretted it.

Look at me in this big mess, I don’t wanna be here. Lauren doesn’t respond for a few days after that. Maybe it was for the best Camila thought. She had already lost Lauren in the worst way possible, she didn’t mind losing her again. She’d become numb to it all.

Oh, it used to be easy, all I had to be was me, now I’m mixed up. Conversation with Lauren used to be so effortless. Camila used to be unapologetically herself with Lauren, but now she finds herself being someone she wasn’t. She finds herself embellishing on her experiences.

Tell me how to fix this, I’d trade my world for one wish to go back to my other life. Camila and Lauren hated this. This was nothing like it used to be. Lauren was dry and short with her. She was texting differently and she didn’t seem into it. The same could be said for Camila too. 

Oh, I hope that I’m dreaming ‘cause I’m sick of this feeling. Both girls missed her best friend. It had been almost two years since they had last seen each other face to face.

Tell me everything’s gonna be okay cause today it feels like I won’t make it through the darkness. Lauren told Camila that her and Lucy had broken up. Lauren told her that their relationship had grown toxic. She had said that she just wasn’t happy anymore and was only together with her because it felt normal, that she’s all she knew. They’d experienced so much together. Lauren and Lucy were childhood friends that disconnected for a few years but found their way back to each other and fell in love. They’d gone to the same college to be with each other, eventually getting an apartment together, and even were studying the same degree as each other. But when Lauren came home to find Lucy in bed with a girl she vaguely remembered from one of her classes, she felt like her whole world had shattered. Camila said “Everything’s gonna be okay” but she didn’t know whether or not she was saying it to herself or for Lauren. 

Don’t know how to get out of this, I’m so mixed up. Somebody help me. Lauren couch surfed for the remaining of the semester. She occasionally stayed in a motel when the weather started to drop and it was too cold to live in her car anymore. At the end of the semester, she decided to transfer to University of Central Florida. She had started to send Camila riskier text messages, opening herself back up to her ex-bestfriend once again. Camila felt conflicted. She wanted to be there for Lauren in this dark time in her life, however she didn’t want to throw away all her progress. She knew that once she saw Lauren again she’d fall for her again. 

Don’t Wanna Be Torn

Maybe it’s the things I say. Maybe I should think before I speak. Camila tried to cheer Lauren up. Key word is tried. They slowly fell back into the way things were BCE. The brown eyed girl wouldn’t sit there and rewrite her text 32 times. Instead, she sent things on impulse. She would say things and somehow they’d always end up relating back to Lucy. 

But I thought that I knew enough to know myself and do what’s right for me. Camila quickly caught herself though. She had found herself throwing away all of her progress. Things were different now and Lucy is no longer in the picture, so maybe they’d have a shot. Lauren had been sending suggestive text messages lately and it put a skip in Camila’s heart and it gave her hope. However, she heard through a friend that Lauren had been hooking up with girls from parties and from the bar and her heart sank once more. That was the final nail in the coffin. She concluded that her and Lauren just aren’t meant to be and decided enough is enough. 

And these wall I’m building now, you used to bring ‘em down. And the tears I’m crying out, you used to wipe away. Camila drew back in the conversation. She replied with just enough to make sure Lauren doesn’t quite question her. Sometimes she didn’t even feel like talking to Lauren which was strange because ever since she met Lauren, she had always wanted to talk to her. 

Don’t wanna be torn. Camila was in a rut. She didn’t want to throw away her twelve year friendship with the green eyed girl, but she knew that if she kept on talking to her, she’d fall back into her toxic pining after the girl. Lauren has trampled over her heart a dozen times and she’s not quite sure if she can handle one more. So she did what she felt like she had to do. 

I thought you said it was easy listening to your heart. I thought you said I’d be okay. So why am I breaking apart?

Although it took everything in her, Camila told her ex-bestfriend that she needed time apart. This time, she knew she didn’t have anything to lose, so she told her about how she needed to get over her and how she didn’t know how long it would be until they will speak again. Camila respectfully asked her not to call or text her. And just like that, they were two strangers again. 

Now it all feels like a fight. You were always on my side. Lauren didn’t listen. She kept on trying to text the other girl, and she even called her maybe 100 times. Camila saw it. She cried with each voicemail that she listened to. Her heart couldn’t handle it. She blocked Lauren’s number and blocked her on every social media site. She told Sinu, who was already informed about their previous situation,  to not let Lauren get ahold of her. She explained everything that has happened since to her mother over the phone. She relived every emotion she felt and was especially drained afterwards. It was one of the only nights that she didn’t cry herself to sleep only because she was too tired to.

And the lonely I feel now. You used to make it go away. Camila had never felt this lonely. Even on their previous two year time away from each other, it never felt like this. Now, she seeked comfort in her new best friend, Hailee. Hailee was well aware of the history between Lauren and Camila. 

Why does all this make me angry? I wanna go back to being happy. The thought of Lauren used to make Camila ecstatic, however now it just brought every emotion besides joy. It’d been a few weeks since she painfully ended their friendship and she was slowly picking up the pieces. Her recovery had come much quicker than before because she had learned how to function without the girl. She was still pretty detached from the world, but she was getting there. Her best friend had become a major factor in getting her feet back on the ground again. 

I’ll Always Remember You

I always knew this day would come. We’d be standing one by one with our future in our hands. Camila had graduated college. She got her degree and decided to go back to Miami for the summer. She hadn’t really been back except for the holidays. Standing in line at the Starbucks in the Miami airport, she couldn’t help but reminisce in the memories that she had in this city. The thought of Lauren no longer made her angry. She finally found peace in the fact that she was once part of her life and played a crucial role in who she is today.  

“Camila?” a familiar voice called out from behind her. 

Although it had been over two years since she last heard that voice, the petite brunette could recognize it from anywhere. It belonged to the girl that used to flood her mind. She turned around, and her suspicions were correct. The previously raven-haired girl had dyed her hair back to her natural brown color and had a few more tattoos covering her body. She took notice in how her much her features have changed since she had last seen her. Her face was more defined and more mature. She had exchanged the stud in her nose to a hoop. 

“Lauren? Wow, it’s so good to see you!” Camila honestly said, moving from her spot in line to give the other girl a hug. 

The now brown haired girl hugged back and asked “What are you doing here?” when she pulled back.

“I just graduated and am back here for the summer!” The brown eyed girl replied. “What about you?”

“I graduated last semester but I just came back from a volunteer trip in Puerto Rico.” Lauren informed her.

“That’s so amazing!” Camila replied, her heart no longer melting at the fact that Lauren had been volunteering in another country. “I’d love to catch up with you, do you wanna sit down and have coffee?”

For a moment it looked as if Lauren contemplated the offer but ended up agreeing. The two sat by the coffee shop catching up on their lives during the past two years. Camila told her ex-bestfriend about how she just got her bachelor’s degree in music therapy while Lauren told her about how she earned her bachelor’s in political science with a minor in English.

I always knew after all these years there’d be laughter, there’d be tears. The two brought back some of their inside jokes and although it had been over four years since they last saw each other and two since they had last talked, it was almost like no time had passed and they were still two kids in high school trying to make it through their senior year. It was all fun and games but the conversation shifted into a more serious note.

Camila revealed that she was finally over Lauren and had been in a relationship for the past year. It caught Lauren a little off guard. The girl hadn’t dated anyone in the past two years and was still dealing with her feelings for the girl in front of her. Camila proposed that they could mend their friendship and go back to how things were (that is, without the romantic feelings for the green eyed girl). 

But never thought that I’d walk away with so much joy but so much pain. However, Lauren wasn’t ready for that. She told her that needed time to heal. Camila understood. Lauren had given her space when she needed it, so she would do the same. It pained her to have to walk away yet again, but it was for the best.

And it’s so hard to say goodbye. But yesterday’s gone. We gotta keep moving on. When the duo had finished their coffee, they decided to chat while going to claim their baggages. The two took a picture together and hugged goodbye, wishing each other well and good luck in their future. Both Lauren and Camila were content. They were two grown women who no longer needed to run from their problems. They talked it out and got closure the two never knew they needed. 

I’m so thankful for the moments, so glad I got to know you. The times that we had I’ll keep like a photograph and hold you in my heart forever. I’ll always remember you. When Camila got home, she printed off the picture that the two of them had taken at the airport and placed it in the box that had started it all. She threw away the letter that she had written to Lauren but looked back on all of the souvenirs she had gotten along the way. She added to the pile her flight ticket. This was just another stepping stone to the two’s journey. Smiling, she shut the box and tucked it away in the top corner of her closet. She knew that Lauren was her soulmate, not a romantic one, but her friend soulmate. So, she knew that their paths will cross again and hopefully next time both of them will be ready and they can become the best of friends again. 

—

A/N: I’m sorry if this is shit lol it’s been sitting in my drafts for like months now and I just now decided to finish it. Please leave me feedback or something? 

You can find this oneshot on wattpad here 

[lifestones]

Episode #02: How Do I Get to Heaven?

Characters: Lily Noble

POV: Lily Noble

Warnings: Depression, self harm, suicide, religion, homophobia, cancer, bullying. Lily is sad, okay

Lily fell in love for the first time when she was seven years old. 

It was the summer of 2002. The Nobles had taken a trip downstate to visit New York City. It was scary, going to such a big city. But that one day, they visited Central Park. She doesn’t remember much from that day, other than panicking when she became separated from her parents, bumping into another family, and meeting the girl with black hair and blue eyes. The girl that helped her calm down, and her family was able to help her find her parents. The girl with the black hair and blue eyes gave her a pink ribbon. The ribbon that she had tied in her own hair, she gave to her. It was the only thing she had of the girl, but even years later, she could not part with that ribbon. 

But life was not so simple. She knew she’d never see the girl again. They played the day away, but eventually they had to part. Lily would cry again, on the way back to their hotel. She wanted her friend back—her only friend. But it would not happen. They had to return to Rochester, and continue on with their lives. 

Lily was shy. It was just a fact of the matter. She was too fearful to speak to anyone at school, and her classmates picked up on it. She quickly became the victim of bullying. She would always remember the day her class’s resident bully stole her ribbon from her, yanking out her ponytail. She almost didn’t get it back.

At home and at church, she felt safe. Her father was the pastor. She was a role model to the other children, so she tried her best. But she was comfortable in church. She could speak up there. She could be herself there. Everyone liked her. She could play with the other children. She sung in the choir. Life was good. But from time to time, she would think about the girl with the black hair and blue eyes and wonder what she was up to. She thought of how the girl had helped her that day. Oh, she wished they could still be friends.  

Then one day, in Sunday School, the subject of homosexuality came up. Her teacher vehemently told them that being gay was a sin, that anyone who experience same sex attraction would burn in hell, that God would shun any man or woman who openly participated in such debauchery. Their teacher had chosen to speak upon the subject, as the girls had recently had their first sex ed class, as they were ten years old. Lily had heard the routine before, as their church did not believe in same sex marriage, but never in such detail. For some reason, she felt like she was being put on the spot—singled out, targeted. And she felt ashamed. Why was she so bothered? Of course she liked boys. It was impossible for a Christian like her to be like that. 

But as the next three years passed, Lily became more and more unsure of herself. Girls were cute. Boys? Not so much. She tried to like them. She really did. She didn’t want to be left out when everyone talked about crushes at sleepovers. No, she liked boys. Yes, of course! She just hadn’t met The One. He had to be out there, somewhere—the perfect match that God had created for her. She just hadn’t met him yet. Someday, she would. She definitely would.

The bullying never stopped, though. She was always the target of something. As she entered middle school, she quickly became the butt of Goody-Two-Shoes and prude religious girl jokes. She kept to herself, as painful as it was. She wanted friends, but no one seemed to really care about her. It was then that the first bouts of depression began to hit her. 

The one thing that always made her happy was playing the violin. She first began lessons when she was seven, shortly after they had returned from the trip to New York City. She adored making music. She loved it more than singing in the choir, though everyone claimed she had a wonderful voice. No, she preferred the violin. So, at 13 years old, upon encouragement from her brother Aidan and sister Rose, she started a YouTube channel for violin covers, calling it Lilia Rose. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but she was just doing this for fun. People seemed to like her content, though! That made her happy.

But then, a year later... Rose became sick. It hit hard, and fast. Before Lily knew it, her little sister had been hospitalized, confirmed to have leukemia. And in that instant, her entire world shattered. 

Her sister—her dear little sister, who was the kindest, gentlest soul she had ever met—was dying.

The next few months came slowly. Rose went through chemotherapy, the only treatment their health insurance would pay for. Lily watched as her sister withered away, losing her hair and coming thin and frail. She was so weak, she couldn’t go to school. She could barely eat. They couldn’t afford to keep her in the hospital, so she came home. Mom quit her job so she could care for her. For a time, Lily stopped playing music. She wouldn’t pick her violin up again until Rose asked her to. 

All Rose needed was a bone marrow transplant. But they could not afford that. They would never be able to afford that. Rose was going to die, and they were powerless to stop it. All they could do was pray—but Lily felt like God had abandoned them. She began to cut. 

One night, after hearing the confirmation that Rose only had three months to live, Lily came to a realization. It was her fault, wasn’t it? The truth she had been running from for the past few years. God had abandoned them, because she was a sinner—the worst kind of sinner. She didn’t like boys. She never had, no matter how hard she tried. She liked girls. Oh, she loved girls. She was so terrified to talk to any girl, to make friends with any girl, because she fighting this part of herself. And because of this disgusting sin, God had abandoned them, and her precious little sister would die. Maybe if she died instead, God would be satisfied, and Rose could live.

She hated herself. She truly, absolutely hated herself. The sadness and self-hatred had been building up for years, and it all came to a head that night. She was an awful human being. No one ever liked her. No one ever wanted to be her friend. Her family just tolerated her, didn’t they? And the church... they were only nice because she was the pastor’s daughter. No one would care if she just vanished off the face of the earth.

Lily went to the medicine cabinet, stole her mother’s sleeping pills, and overdosed on them. She would have died if Rose hadn’t woken up from a nightmare and went to find her big sister. 

Over the next month, Lily was diagnosed and sent to a therapist. Her doctor struggled to find an antidepressant that would work for her. She continued to cut. Eventually one day, Rose came to see her, despite how much energy it took out of her. Rose asked her to record one more song for her YouTube channel, for her. Lily did not feel like playing her violin, but her dying sister had asked, so she felt like she had to. So Lily made one last video on Lilia Rose, telling her subscribers of Rose’s situation and how hopeless it seemed. 

Her views skyrocketed. She gained more subscribers. The next thing she knew, she was making money on her YouTube channel. And for the first time in months, she felt hopeful. 

Her depression didn’t magically go away, but she tried. She continued to record videos, bringing in more money. The three months passed, but Rose was still alive. She surpassed the doctor’s predictions. Eventually, they raised enough money for the marrow transplant. And Rose was saved.

Lily continued to struggle with her depression, even with her sister’s health improving. But she tried. Oh, she tried. Her doctor finally found an antidepressant that worked. It took her longer to stop cutting, but she did eventually stop. And in high school, she finally met the friends she always wanted so desperately. But even as things got better, as God’s light seemed to shine down upon the Nobles once more, she could not accept herself. There was something wrong with her. Why was she attracted to the same sex? Wasn’t that unnatural? Why was she like this?

Then she found a song. A song by a YouTuber turned star, similar to her, though he now recorded music professionally. She listened to the that song... and everything came together. Lily wept. Oh, she cried. She bawled like a baby. Why did she have to feel this way? Why couldn’t she just go to heaven like everyone else? Why was she cursed for being different? She still couldn’t quite accept herself, but the song... helped ease her pain a little bit.

During her senior year, she was approached by a recording studio and offered a deal to make music. Not long after that, she got a letter in the mail saying she had been accepted by Julliard. Her dreams were finally coming true. She was finding happiness. But still... she could not accept herself.

It wasn’t until her freshman year in Julliard, when she attended church with a friend, that she heard a different viewpoint. The pastor preached about acceptance—about how it expanded to everyone. He preached that God made no mistakes. That everyone was perfect, just the way God wanted them. It didn’t matter what the color of their skin was, who they loved, or what they did for a living. All creation was perfect in God’s eyes. 

Lily cried that day. And finally, she could believed that she was okay. That she could love who she wanted. God would still accept her into heaven. 

Everything would be okay. She knew that now. 

[exxar1]

Aaron

10/29/2020

This picture was taken at my 9th or 10th birthday party, which would make it summer of ’87 or ’88. Pictured from left to right are Aaron Walker, my brother Jeremy, me, Jeff Reed and Brett Biers. Aaron, Brett, Jeff and I grew up together in Twin Falls, Idaho. I can’t tell you exactly when we all first met, but I don’t remember my grade school years without any of them, and I know there’s a photo album in my parents’ basement with a picture of me and Aaron playing together when we were only a few months old. The four of us were inseparable, and, while there were others in our circle of friends, these three guys are the main cast in my memories from childhood.

Yesterday, as I clocked off for my lunch break at Walmart, my watch signaled a new text notification. I glanced down, and the world around me came to a grinding, silent halt. It was from my dad, notifying me that Aaron had died.

I stared at the message, not quite comprehending what I was seeing. I read the words, but they had no meaning. I just kept reading them over and over, trying to wrap my mind around this terrible news. I finally forced myself to get moving, and I called my dad for more details as I left the store.

Even now, as I write this, it still doesn’t seem real.

I spent all that afternoon in that strange, detached daze that only sudden grief can cause. Memories flooded me in tidal waves that forced me to fight back tears as choked out the words “Good afternoon, welcome to Walmart” to the strangers coming into the store. There was, thankfully, only two hours left in my shift and, as soon as it was over, I wasted no time in clocking out and racing for the solitude of my car.

Here’s a few memories of my old friend:

Aaron, Brett, Jeff and I at our friend Jake’s dairy farm in Jerome, Idaho. There was a massive, deep manure pond that we all loved to chuck giant rocks into and then leap back to avoid the splash effect. (It’s a wonder none of us ever fell in.)

Sitting on the grass outside school during lunch, bartering for each other’s desserts, and then swapping dirty jokes, making sure to speak low enough so the nearby teachers wouldn’t hear. Aaron and Jeff had the best ones, as I recall. Most of them were about Pollocks and Jews, and more than a few were good, old fashioned fart jokes. (There is no one outside the age of grade school boys who can truly appreciate the fine humor of bodily functions.)

Aaron, in particular, always made me laugh. He was the one in class sticking pencils up his nose or using scotch tape to make funny faces. And, if I’m recalling correctly, he could also use scotch tape and notebook paper to make the sharpest Chinese throwing star this side of the Rockies.

Aaron – like his father – had a particular sense of humor. In addition to the aforementioned jokes, he loved nothing more than a good prank. His favorite one was to pick up a deck of cards and ask me if I want to play “Fifty-two card pickup”. I said, “Sure.” He then tossed the entire deck on the floor and said, “There ya go. Now pick ‘em up.” (The sad part is, I fell for that joke more than once.) He also enjoyed reaching across the table at lunch and jamming his finger into the middle of my PB&J while asking, “Is that your sandwich?” That one always pissed me off and I’d retaliate by mashing his sandwich or tossing his chips on the floor. (Something else you should know about grade school boys: we don’t have the best of manners, and we show our friendship in odd ways.)

(And, while we’re on the subject of practical jokes, Brett once gave me what I thought was a chunk of oat bran cereal to snack on. After eating it, he laughed and told me it was dog food.)

I remember fishing trips with the Walkers and me trying to learn the fine art of skipping rocks on the lake water. Aaron and his dad taught me and my brothers how to properly gut a fish. That I still remember clearly, and I could probably do it right now if I had a fresh fish and knife here on my coffee table.

I also remember the four of us hiding from the 6th grade bullies at recess, and there was one time when Aaron had to be rushed to the emergency room because one of the older boys gave him a white piece of candy that was actually a mothball. (These were the same older boys that always teased me for sometimes playing with the girls at recess.)

I remember sleepovers at the Walker house where Aaron and I played Frogger on his Atari. (I believe that Jeff was the first among us to have an original Nintendo system, and it was at one of his birthday parties that I was introduced to Super Mario Bros.) The Walkers were also professional UNO players, and I almost always lost to Aaron, his brothers, or his dad.

There were summer trips to Red Cliff Bible Camp in Pinedale, Wyoming, where we spent a week enjoying all kinds of outdoor recreation as well as nightly church services. If my memory is correct, Aaron and I were the only ones from our circle of friends in grade school who attended Red Cliff once every summer. While I still remember bits and pieces of those summers, there is one clear memory that stands out from the rest. It was one night towards the end of the week, and a bunch of us kids were seated around a large campfire in front of – or near to – the main lodge. It was one of those perfect summer nights – not too cold, just a hint of a breeze, and vast sky full of stars. We were all in the midst of a sing-a-long being led by one of the counselors, and, in the middle of it, Aaron turned to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He smiled at me, and, with tears in his eyes, said, “I love you, man!” “I love you too,” I replied, throwing my arm around him.

For most of high school there was only ten in our class, and we became as close as any group of kids could be at a Christian private school in a town of less than forty-five thousand. There were Friday night ski trips where I remember Aaron on his snowboard, swooshing down the mountain at various speeds and trying not to faceplant. I’m pretty sure it was either him or one of his brothers that ended up crashing into a tree because he went off the trail after dark. (If not Aaron, it was somebody in our class, I know that much for sure.)

In our senior year, during homeroom on Monday morning of each week, our class would select a saying or motto to write in the upper corner of the blackboard that would stay there the whole week. For awhile, Aaron was the one picking the sayings, and they were usually lyrics from current, popular rock songs. It took a few weeks before our teacher, Mrs. Tutty, finally caught on and gave us all a good scolding. In the years since, whenever I hear the song, “The World I Know” by Collective Soul, I always think of Aaron.

Also during our senior year: a winter trip to South Dakota that was just us boys and Brett’s dad. We spent a weekend up in a cabin in the mountains and rented snow mobiles. There’s a lot from that trip that has stayed with me these many years, but the only thing that’s relevant here is that Aaron succeeded in crashing his snow mobile when he tried to cut through a grove of trees. Thankfully, the worst of the damage was a cracked windshield that was easily replaced. The rest of that trip was a lot of guy bonding time that definitely included more dirty jokes and Jeff once again demonstrating his remarkable ability to make fart noises with his armpit.

In the years after high school, as we all set out on our respective paths into the world, we promised we would stay in touch. And we all did . . . for awhile. The path I chose was the Army and it took me to a posting in Germany. But that career didn’t end well, and when I needed a character witness for my courts-martial, I called Aaron. The Army flew him overseas, and were briefly reunited in Hanau, Germany, in fall of ’99. We hadn’t seen each other for a couple years, and we had fun catching up. He told me about a girl he met at college, and I told him all about life in the military. (It wasn’t great.)

In the years that followed, as life took us further and further apart, all of us from the class of ‘97 lost touch, as childhood friends often do. Aaron and I, however, stayed in sporadic contact with one another since we were both back living in Twin Falls by 2001, but we didn’t really hang out on a regular basis. I eventually moved to Boise in the fall of 2003 to attend BSU, and Aaron was busy getting his realtor’s license. He even spent the night at my apartment one time because one of his tests was at a campus in Boise. We ordered pizza, watched a movie, and spent the rest of the evening get caught up on each other’s lives. It was at this time that I decided to tell Aaron that I was gay. I don’t think he quite knew how to react, and, while he tried to be supportive, my confession turned the evening awkward. I changed the subject, and we didn’t speak of it after that.

After I graduated BSU in December of 2005, I moved back to Twin, but Aaron and I didn’t get together anymore. I tried a few times to get in touch with him, but my calls and texts went ignored. I was a little hurt, at first, but I didn’t know what else to do so I just let it go.

A few years ago, after I had relocated to Las Vegas, and when I was back up in Twin for a family visit, I received a text from Aaron. He wanted to take me to dinner. I said yes, and, while I was excited to be reunited, I was also nervous. We hadn’t talked in many years, and it seemed a little strange that he suddenly wanted to hang out with me again after all this time.

One of the things that I’ve always loved about Aaron is that he’s so easy to talk to. Our dinner conversation started where we’d left off several years earlier, as if nothing had changed. I told him I was glad he had reached out to me, and that I was afraid I had alienated him because he wasn’t comfortable with me being gay. Aaron assured me that, no, that wasn’t it, and he had no issue with it. He’d just been going through some things in his own life at that time, and he hadn’t meant to lose touch the way he did. The rest of our conversation was spent like the others before: catching each other up on what we’d been doing for the last few years. He had accomplished way more than me: a beautiful family and a very successful real estate business.

After dinner, we ended up at Elevation 486, where we sat outside on the canyon rim by the fire, and we continued talking. At some point, another guy took one of the empty seats on the other side of the fire, and I don’t remember if it was Aaron that struck up a conversation with him, or if the stranger made a remark about something Aaron had just said to me. Either way, Aaron and this guy started talking, and their conversation lasted for several minutes. I watched, amazed, wondering if Aaron already knew this guy through work or something else. By the end of their talk, as the guy stood up to leave, Aaron gave him a business card and told him to contact him if he ever had any real estate needs. After the guy left, I turned to Aaron. “Was that one of your friends?” I asked, but I already knew the answer. Aaron just laughed and shook his head. “No.” I laughed too, utterly amazed and a little envious. I have never been able to be that kind of a people person. I’ve always been too introverted and socially awkward to be able to instantly connect with strangers the way Aaron connected to that guy that night around a fire pit.

That, in a nutshell, was Aaron. He was the friendliest, kindest soul you would ever meet, and he knew no stranger. Even if he and I hadn’t started out in a playpen together, we would have probably met somewhere on the road of life and been instant friends. He, like all of us, had his demons, but he loved God and he loved his family, and he will forever be missed during the rest of our time down here. I look forward to that time when we can be together again on the other side, reunited at the feet of our Heavenly Father.

Goodbye, my old friend.

[festeringfae]

5 and 14!

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

My 18th birthday was also the day of my senior prom. 

I had grand plans to Come Out ™ by asking this known lesbian to prom and so everyone would be like “whoooooooooa SHE’S a lesbian? also she looks SO GOOD?” & it would be this big Declaration of being a legal adult. I was obviously a very melodramatic teen, and I think if I had gone with her it would have been a let down both reaction wise and having-to-hang-out-with-her-all-night-panicking-about-Being-On-A-Date-Wrong wise, so it’s probably for the best that there was a minor miscommunication that I assumed meant she didn’t want to go with me.

ANYWAY. That’s how I decided to go to senior prom without a date but in a big group. I spent most of the day watching Victorious while friend’s mom & her pals did my hair, and I didn’t have to make awkward small talk with them because they mainly spoke Portugese & would only address me every so often to coo over how pretty I was. This is an excellent way to spend a day btw. The friend whose mom it was didn’t have a date either, nor did a third friend, so there was no awkward “stand off to the side while we take pictures of the couples” moment. We got to the hotel, stayed and danced a little, only to conclude after about an hour that the juniors truly had ruined the budget before prom & that there wasn’t even room for us on the dance floor. I am very grateful to have friends who are/were more relaxed about what the Right Thing to do is, because what my friends ended up doing was declaring that this prom sucked in comparison to junior prom, and that we should all just walk across the street and go bowling. 

So we went bowling. In our prom dresses. 

They put the LED lights on for us. D and another girl’s dresses were white, so they glowed in the dark. Tik Tok by Kesha came on the music video screen. We all danced in the lanes. At one point an entire basketball team saw us dancing in the lanes and spontaneously joined in. At another point, the people in the lane over from us asked why we were dressed up. When they were leaving, they told us, “you know our prom was really special for us and we really want it to be special for you too, so we want you to have these,” and gave us glow rings. Glow ring HOOPS. Most everybody got glow ring bracelets from strangers, and I think I did too, but the inebriated, kind stranger told me “you get the big one, ‘cause it’s your birthday,” and put a giant glow ring hoop around my neck. I still have it.Then we all went back to my friend’s house to sleepover, and she has an outdoor garage, so we didn’t have to worry about noise or her parents. My friend made me red velvet cake with cream cheese and chocolate ships. 

Also, my ex-boyfriend’s date offered to make out with me, even though she was straight, because it was my birthday.

It was a good way to enter adulthood.14: Talk about a vacation.

Don’t ever be pretentious but especially don’t be pretentious when someone has given you a free trip to the beach for multiple nights, and if you are pretentious, make sure you buy Miley Cyrus’ memoir to give to the person you were being rude towards.