#it.. its been abt 8 hours and i Did Nothing

[astrum99]

i love writing about ultrakill and thinking about divinity and losing it for the fifth time of the day and re-reading my past writing instead of just sitting down and doing statistics like i should.

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[thecutepoison]

This is very speculative, but I'm suspecting Kipperlily is using the Ethereal Plane to spy on the Bad Kids and if I'm right I might have figured how she got found out by the rogue teacher!

First, let me explain my paranoid thoughts about the spying. Since ep 3, we are aware that Kipperlily is hearing their conversations, even if we don't know for sure the extent of it. She, just like Riz, must have a crazy stealth modifier + reliable talent, however I don't think she's relying only on that.

So, there's a scene in ep 4 when the Bad Kids roll for perception to spot Kipperlily. Kristen casts See Invisibility and Fabian rolls a nat 20. Brennan describes, only to Fabian, that although he doesn't see Kipperlily, he feels the "twinge of some kind of sense". Very creepy. That implies that she's there but cannot be seen. She could be invisible, however I don't think that's the case because an invisible person could still be perceived through hearing or touch. Also, Kristen would have been able to see her because of the spell.

With that in mind, the paranoid goblin that lives inside my brain is convinced that she's using the Ethereal Plane to spy on the Bad Kids. The Border Ethereal is perfect for infiltration and spywork, since you pass through physical objects and watch everything in the material plane without ppl there perceiving you. There are a couple of ways to access the Ethereal Plane, with spells or items, but I have no ideia abt the specific method she might be using.

Her being in the ethereal plane explains why Fabian, with his nat 20, didn't notice any physical indicatives of Kipperlily but still felt a presence, like some sixth sense. Now, Adaine did use her Third Eye so she could see into the Ethereal Plane within 60 feet and still saw nothing. But that doesn't mean that Kipperlily isn't there since there's a very easy way to circumvent Adaine: Non detection. This is a third level spell that hides the target from divination magic - for 8 hours they "can’t be targeted by any divination magic or perceived through magical scrying sensors". The Rat Grinders, long time haters of the Bad Kids, are for sure aware that Adaine is a divination wizard, they would be fools to spy on the party without casting Non Detection first. She's the motherfucking elven oracle!

Okay, now about the rogue teacher. In ep 3, Siobhan theorizes the rogue professor is the ghost teacher. I think she's absolutely right! We know most teachers of Aguefort and even if the ghost one was among those we havent seen, the Bad Kids would probably have heard about them if they were teaching something like ranger class. It's plausible that the reason for the party having no ideia who they are and not even passing by them in the halls is that the ghost is the rogue professor. After all, no one knows who the hell they are, it's the whole point of their teaching method. And for a ghost it would be really easy to go undetected since they can travel through the Ethereal Plane, beside the insane stealth.

Indulge my conspiracy theories for a minute. Rogue professor = Ghost Teacher and Kipperlily can wander in the Ethereal Plane, the plane of ghosts. Even with the advantage of being on the same plane as the teacher, it would still be a nightmare to find them since they are a pro rogue. In fact, Kipperlily didn't achive that: the rogue teacher found her.

But how did she manage to have the professor find her? I'm sure it wasn't an accident, she's too calculating for that. So, I started thinking about what would I do in her place and came up with the stupidest ideia. It's utterly ridiculous. But it could totally work and the strategy seems kinda Kipperlily's style.

Remember the Ghost Steak? The one Fig tried to eat when she invaded the teacher's lounge in season one? It's the ghost teacher's lunch, and Brennan reestablished its existence in ep 3 when Adaine used Ethereal Sight, explaining that the school wards are porous enough to allow ethereal travel and other stuff.

So if I was Kipperlily, my dumbass plan would go as follows: invade the teacher's lounge through the ethereal plane and hide inside the fridge. It wouldn't be a problem for me since I'm intangible and can pass through stuff, plus the other professors wouldn't see me even if they opened the fridge. Inside, I wait as long as needed, until the Rogue/Ghost Teacher gets hungry. They finally open the fridge to grab their snack, only to find me looking at them from inside the fridge like a lunatic. Mission complete: got found by the rogue teacher and aced junior year!

It's so mundane and stupid and that makes me more convinced that's exactly what happened. It's too funny to not be true.

[bring-forth-your-justice]

Can i request an ADA x teen!reader ( platonic ofc ) where reader lives in a very toxic house w an abusive father but all the ADA member start to worrying abt them and think something is wrong bc they always come back with injuries and they finally decide to do something after that reader just broke down and they comfort them

:( i need some comfort so yea if its ok ofc u can skip it have a nice day ♡♡♡

Sorry this took some time anon, thank you for requesting, I wouldn't dare skip it. I hope you’re doing alright, you're never alone know that. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for ya.

TW// mentions of abuse, blood, child neglect

Word count: 2k

Just angst and sad weather. Hope its good for my first BSD fic.

A soft breeze filled with springs essence flowed gently into the quaint office placed atop the red bricked building. It wasn’t much to look at, not really, other than its red exterior taking the eyes attention for a split second, there wasn’t much else to it.

Unless one was aware of its top floored residence. Quite the loud bunch many would complain. Always someone shouting and screaming about tardiness, unsettling comments about severing limbs, and often other occupants would notice a trail of emptied snack bags leading to the office. Simply a place to stay away from.

Now that was what you called home. 

The hums of the crowded streets played out in a symphony in front of you, just another side walk to cross and you were home. Home .. If the word stayed on your tongue for too long it might lose it meaning, or worse, become sour in taste. 

That top floor, was home. It had only been maybe 8 months since you began working there as an assistant. The Armed Detective Agency, the name really says all there was to it. The work wasnt too difficult, after all, you were a hardworker and you’ve been working your whole life one way or another. The president had made some adjustiments to your workload considering you were still a high school student. Of course you adamantly expressed your capabilities, but underneath it all, you were relieved. 

The breeze grazed your face and ruffled your hair, adding more knots into it after you had done so much to ensure it looked perfect, like nothing had happened. You sighed with a hint of ire plaguing not just your voice but your eyes. Perhaps holding your tongue could have granted you another hour or two of sleep. Alas, thinking of such what if’s was something you slowly learned to block out. It was pointless to fantisize of what could be anyhow.

You continued to fix your hair as you walked up the stairs, soon reaching the gates to your heaven with the oh so familiar sign positioned at the door. You hesitated briefly even as the sign urged you to come in just as the Earth welcomed rain. Thoughts began to overwhelm you. Mornings were never easy. You weren’t a sunflower waiting to greet the sun as the sun showers you with blessings and you return its gift with a smile. It was always terrifying. He was terrifying.

No matter what you did, no matter how hard you tried, you would never be enough to satisfy his will. At times, that thought alone shot bolts of desperation throughout your body, like an injured animal finding some way to stop the bleeding. What were you so desperate for? Home. It’s right in front of you, so why can’t you accept it now?

‘I didn’t get enough time to cover some of the bruises, what if they-’

“Ah you made it L/N-chan!” 

You shot up slightly at the new sound that entered your bubble. Your gaze turned towards the young boy’s voice, noticing his ragged hair. ‘Always quite slanted, not a single strand the same,’ you mused. “Atsushi you startled me aha..” Although the chuckle may have been a bit strained, you were happy to know your voice wasn’t void of that hint of delight to see him. 

“A-ah! Sorry! I guess I’ve been sneaking up on a lot of people lately. The other day it was Lucy, I made her drop her dish in the cafe- I really did apologize but she was very close to throwing me from a bridge aha-” Atsushi had a tendency of causing trouble from simple, and often innocent, actions. It was always amusing to hear about from him, they’ve never failed to crack you out of your reclusive state. 

Atsushi’s eyes wandered briefly to a mismatched coloured blotch on your arm, one you tried to conceal under your sleeves. When you took notice of his gaze, you quickly shifted that arm out of view; watching his shy and gentle eyes become disturbed with remorse. That unconcealable wrapping on your leg wasn’t any better to look at you figured, and you were sorry he had to see it. It was only for a moment though. He seemed more at ease once you smiled back at him. 

“If she did push you, I’d call Kyoka-chan.” You continued back at where the conversation left off at. At that Atsushi shaked his hands, trying to prevent the fictional scenario. “N-No! Kyoka might end up doing more than dragging me out of the water-” You both laughed at the scenario at the underlying understanding of Kyoka’s protectivness of Atsushi’s well being.

As you both walked into the office together, a scent of candies and coffee lingered in the air and the bustling office welcomed your arrival. Your eyes lingered on Atsushi as he made his way over to his desk to get started on what you could only assume to be another stack of Dazai’s unfinished paperwork. ‘I should go and get him some coffee, he might need it to finish all that.’ Looking at that stack was alone to make you wince and move towards your own desk. 

You usually make your rounds to greet everyone, but today was a difficult day and you were more tired than usual. So you figured finishing your work early would be the best way to go about things. As you began, the usual shenanigans continued to buzz around the agency. Naomi chasing Tanizaki begging him to bother himself with her rather than his work, the murmurs of the president and his secretary disgusing financial documents in his office, Ranpo-san’s loud crunches as he muched on what could’ve been his 15th chip bag of the day, and to top it off, Kunikida’s excessive yelling. You may be a hardworker but in this case, you couldn’t hold a handle to Kunikida’s work ethic. He kept everyone on task, or so he tried. 

While he was on his daily rant about Dazai’s tardiness to anyone who would listen, you felt a dreadful turmoil brewing in your head.

That buzzing in your head was a little more than unsettling. And just as your hand went to go reach your head, there it was again, that word. 

“Home.”

Why was it coming to the forefront of your mind? Why couldn’t that thought be subdued? Why were you so unlucky that the only word that haunted you was the one you cherished just as much?

He. Your father. Just a shadow of what he could’ve- no, should’ve been. A shadow who gained sentience and refuses to let you breathe. 

Your ‘home’ was hell personified. Every move you took would inevitably burn your feet. So you took no steps at all. Yet even then the fire raged on and clung to you. 

And right now, that fire was engulfing your head. 

You could faintly see Dr.Yosano in the distance, making her way to you. You couldn’t quite make out her expression when you dropped to floor and the fire took your eyesight.

~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes sleep was the only solace you could get, so you tried to cherish it whenever you could. This time, there was something different about the black void of unconsciousness. A dull pain.

It lingered and poked you in the void. Slowly voices became more clear, and feeling returned to your hands. Still, those wonderful eyes of yours refused to leave the dark. 

A part of you couldn’t deny that you liked it that way, but that poking sensation wouldn’t let you dream. 

You never had time for it.

So your eyes opened, breaking through the fire, and into the blinding lights of the ceiling panels. 

~~~~~~~~

“You’re awake-!” There a pair of wide yellowish-purple eyes looked back at you, secured with a load of concern.

It was Atsushi, worried about you as always. You wished he’d worry about himself more. 

It didn’t quite hit you that you were on Dr. Yosano’s lap or the fact there were tears in your eyes, slowly streaming down your eyes. Not until Kyouka, who sat next to Atsushi wiped them gently. 

What happened to you? 

Your body must’ve been more aware than your mind as it expressed it’s emotions more freely than how your mouth could vocalize them. Slowly you sat up and noticed exactly what had caused you to lose consciousness.

“What happened… y/n?”

Blood loss.

Dr. Yosano looked at the open wounds on your legs, carefully unwrapping the loosely tied bandages around them. She was inspecting the wound just as she was inspecting your face. 

They all were looking at you. Kunikida with a glass of water held firmly in his hand. Kyouka who stayed quietly by Atsushi, looking at your wounds. Yosano who looked slightly unnerved at the blood yet continued to press on; cleaning the wound. Atsushi who looked at you as though he knew and didn’t at the same time. But he wanted to know, oh how he wanted you to tell him. 

And suddenly, it was hard. 

You were young. You couldn’t hold it back anymore.

The tears poured out and so did the words you held in for so long. You tried to hold it all in, but everyone has their limits. Atsushi held you closely as you cried into his arms. Kyouka followed and joined the hug. 

She understood. 

You may be older than her but she knew your pain just as well. 

Yosano worked on your legs with utmost care and gentleness. She knew better than to ask to heal using her unorthodox methods. She’d rather not do that, even if it took away all the physical pain, it wouldn’t do anything for your mental anguish. So she helped in the ways she could. 

Kunikida offered you that glass of water as you talked and cried. He stepped back for a moment, eyes still intently on you as you spoke with your shaky voice and teary eyes. Until he caught the sight of someone hidden in the corner of the agency.

Dazai.

His expression was unreadable as always yet there was a sense of conflict stiring in those lax eyes of his that Kunikida rarely saw. Just as Kunikida noticed him standing there in obscurity, he left through the agency’s doors. Kunikida knew to follow him in case Dazai had finally built a sense of justice and planned to do something rash.

~~~~~~~~

When the tears stopped, you sat there with your ragged yet quiet, breathing. Atsushi never once left your side. Kyouka still sat by you, unmoving. Kenji had returned a little while ago and brought you over some tissues and began reciting stories of his farm life adventures. 

Ranpo finally appeared again. His whereabouts were always where his interests lied…. Or where the snacks were. Thus, it wouldn’t surprise you if he had been there the whole time, just hidden away. 

With a lollipop still in his mouth, he looked down at you. You couldn’t read his eyes, you barely ever saw them when you think about it. Kenji, continued to talk while your attention shifted to Ranpo. He brought his arm forward, in his hand, a single lollipop. He motioned you to take it. 

When it was in your hands, he was already gone back to whatever he was doing, yet you stared at it as though it were gold. 

Home…. A place that’s warm.. A place you feel loved..

You were home. You were safe.

And so you smiled, it would be okay.

~~~~~~~~

Weeks had passed since then, your father was arrested on accounts of child abuse and neglect and you were free from his torment. That moment when Kunikida had left that day, he must’ve gone to seek out your father you supposed. Regardless, you were thankful to not just him, but the entire agency. 

You were free, and you would be okay.

That ‘home’ meant nothing to you, so with Fukuzawa-san’s permission, you were allowed to move into the agency dorms. Again, nothing you could do would expression your gratefulness towards him.

Although old habits and traumas never die, you were healing. You had people who loved you and cared for you. People who would laugh with you as Kunikida and Dazai fought. People who would eat with you when you couldn’t sleep. And people who watched over you, even if silently.

You weren't alone, and most importantly, you were happy.

[grimxark]

Ok. Part 3 earthspark was so incredibly disappointing. I feel so sad about it because it’s such a promising show.

I kind of ranted abt this to my friend for like an hour as soon as we finished watching but here’s some of my criticism which I may add on to. Or not

Warning for Earthspark s1 p3 spoilers and overall negativity. So sorry!

1. The writing of this part was sooo terrible. So many plotholes so much drama and so much cringe dialogue. I want to give it slack for being a children’s show but! There’s so much here that’s just senseless. I can excuse cringe dialogue but some of it is back to back to back. Like holy shit

2. Hate what they did to Karen. She was this malevolent evil that was being hinted and teased since part 1 and she amounted to literally nothing. She had no motives other than being racist, none that we know of. Maybe her parents died idfc but there are no real motives that she ever makes outright known. And she was being hinted to being this final boss type. Her death had no impact. It felt like a “oh look this is a child’s show turned dark”. Her death promised everything and it delivered nothing.

3. The last 3? Episodes where Twitch take charge feel apocalyptic and it was nice. Twitch and her older sister curse. The last one standing. The one bearing the weight of the family, having all that responsibility because wether you want it or not she is the older sister of the group. She watches everyone she loves simply disappear. She goes through so much trouble and so many plans and then thrash dies protecting her (which doesn’t make sense?? ill go onto this later). So, after she goes through all that trouble, the humans wake up and fix everything in the blink of an eye. and it undoes all this effort and character thrown into Twitch because she isnt the one who finds a way to fix it. it makes the last 3 episodes totally meaningless.

4. how would Thrash's body protect her from the blast. they were closest, and none of the others were protected the same way despite being in close proximity. why did the terrans even get affected by the blast? theyre not energon based. its like, the main plot of the show.

5. mandroid coming in and being like "interesting! for you ive been gone for a day, but under my calculations ive been gone… a year." was funny as hell. why a year?? why not one hundred. or at least fifty. as a lone human he would NOT have been able to convince the sharkticons in a year. and against the quintessons? and all those bodily changes? its so funny how stupidly underwhelming that time is.

6. Robbie's death was stupid. he does a green lantern oath and power up then still loses against megatron (bc its megatron) and then dies and gets revived. theres no shock, you know hell come back. i hoped everyone going "somethings wrong" meant we were going to get a "he died and came back wrong" ordeal but i guess i was expecting too much. also wasnt he dying in one episode. he said "its getting worse" and then he was fine

7. this entire part feels sooo odd to me with the inconsistencies, i wonder if the writers strike has anything to do with it. it almost feels so random. like on the same episode where robbie dies— why were they like "is that the real megatron?" while being scared as if they dont know megatron as a good guy. why would you be scared its the real megatron.

8. final fight felt so rushed. this whole part felt rushed. i wonder if there were budget cuts or if they used their whole budget on the first half of the season.

9. ill say it. maybe you don’t agree with me but. So much of it feels like fanservice. The starscream episode… why would Hashtag be the one to relate to Screamer? Mind control isn’t quite the same as constant abuse. And the entire episode relied a lot on watchers knowing what that relationship was like. In knowing what Starscream and Megatron are like. If you don’t know anything, it just feels odd. Even as a g1 inspired show, where Starscream and Megatron are awful to each other in damn near equal measures. It was a nice episode, I really enjoyed it, but there should’ve been more build up to that.

10. So many of the deleted scenes provide an extra feeling that was missing from the show. I’m really sad at how much potential this show has and how the entirety of parts 1 and 2 were amazing and built up so much and part 3 was just a huge let down with so many inconsistencies and questions left unanswered right after being brought up.

11.

[pansyfemme]

Omg kicks my feet. Hii hello. Umm what to talk about. I love oversharing so! Back when I first got on T, I let them take a blood sample. It wasn't needed but I was like "oh yea sure 8)!" bc it wasn't gonna cost me anything.

So, it gets done nice and quick, I get a little like gauze + tape badda bing badda boom. I went through my Whole Thing tm with insurance almost not covering my T Gel (would've literally exploded otherwise n cried).

I'm on call with my partner, to do my first dose. The T gel is drying on my arm, I'm shirtless, I get ANOTHER call. A like, restricted number/one that wasn't showing. Weird! So I tell him like, "hey I got another call?? Hold on???" I answer it, assuming it's going to be spam or a telemarketer.

Wrong!

A nurse from where I went to my appt. is calling. Uh oh!

"Is this so and so?"

"Umm yes!"

"Hello! I'm really sorry but your blood got left out too long in the locker and it froze. So it can't be used anymore. Can we reschedule you for an appointment?"

> blood frozen

BLOOD FROZEN????? I proceed to tell her, yea of course I can reschedule. Althemeanwhile I'm in shock over "did they forget about my blood???? How does it get left out too long????? Hello?????"

I get the new appt. set up, get back on call with my partner and then retell the story.

Originally, I was gonna go back to this place in spring, 3ish months? But now I'm gonma be going back in March to get my blood taken again. Which like, I guess it'll be a way for 'em to see how T is doing atm. And then again at what would've been my truw 2nd appointment.

My dose now has been treating me good I think! But I def wouldn't want to stay at this dose foreverrrr you know? I think I'm getting changes at a nice rate, even if it feels a little slow. I'm gonna ask next time (probably at appt. 3) about switching to shots bc like Greedy Little Guy who wants T changes a little bit faster. I'm getting them!! But like, I want more you know? I'm sure too though a lot more changes have happened but bc I check in daily since I need to apply Tgel daily, I miss the littler things.

This is a very big ramble >_<; hopefully you don't mind!

i dont mind at all i like when u ramble in my inbox TBH ^_^

but that sounds like a whole weird ordeal omg! I get bloodwork to check my t levels maybe twice a year now but when i was first starting out it was every six weeks for the first year and i hated it soooo much.. bc ive had a lot of misc health issues i get bloodwork pretty regurally and each time i would hope that my mom would be the one taking me bc she would take me out to breakfast or dunkin after and that was the only good thing abt getting bloodwork.

weird story of my own thats kinda similar was that i have like. awful veins. like awful awful ones that they can never find and i end up getting poked a LOT when i get bloodwork. but this is worse when i have to get surgery and i have to get an iv and cant drink any water beforehand. So when i was gettin my horomone blocker implant out, i had to get an iv hooked up, which im fairly used to. but they tried for like. half an hour with every method and they could not locate a single vein and had poked me multiple times in both arms so they were eventually like. ok we’re gonna grab an ultrasound for this, its the last resort. and so they did, and my Anesthesiologist for some reason was there and helping, probably bc they were taking so long and they just wanted to get me into the OR. and so the ultrasound is like a big machine and nothing is working on it. like theyre trying over and over again. and then a nurse walks by and comes into the room and is like. hey. you have to plug it in.and that made me feel great about going into surgery lmao…

blood freezing is a new one tho, ive literally never heard of that! i know they sometimes keep it warm but ive never heard of it freezing before.. it was weird bc i actually was interviewed by a few students for an article in a yale journal about my experience transitioning as a child in my city, and it was so weird going over all this stuff that happened ages ago i didnt know where to start 0_o.. im glad t seems to be working out ok, but the first few months r always kinda rocky and weird tbh!! i dont have experience with gel but i know the changes sometimes come at a different pace than injections! i hope u get to increse ur dose soon!

[and--you-are-weightless]

8/19/22

okay. i gotta get serious abt losing weight again. like its getting back to the point i feel uncomfortable in some of my clothes again, especially my bras. so im gonna start doing nightly journal entries taking abt what i ate today, any exercise i did, how i felt, and what my plans for the next day are. if i count calories or purge ill put that here too.

ill start them all w the date and tag them all "#shellys day" so u can black list that if u want. i know i havent reblogged pics in a while but ive just been in such an awful binging cycle and also getting most of my th1nspo from insta lately

anyway

today was really bad. i went to work decided on panda express for lunch. i always get kung pao chicken (290), chow mein (510), and some crab rangoons (190), so for lunch i had about 1,000 calories. it wasnt even very good and even tho i was full half way through i ate the whole thing anyway cuz im a disgusting pig. i spend the rest of my shift at work wishing i had got some poke instead so naturally even tho i wasnt hungry i stopped and got poke after work. i have no idea how many calories are in it, i at least get the poke salad option so theres just lettuce instead of rice but it was still way too much and again even tho i was full half way thru i made myself eat the rest. i also got some fried rice balls cuz im a fucking cow and decided to really make myself feel worse than i already did. after i ate i just laid down and kept feeling worse and worse til i went to throw up like maybe an hour or an hour and a half after eating. i still have two rice balls left i really want before i go to bed. i dont have any more easy high calorie foods left in the house other than the cookies my dad made but hopefully hell give those away to friends before i binge on them. im gonna try to do better tomorrow. im gonna go to the gym with my dad in the morning if i can make myself get up in time. im also supposed to see one of my partners tomorrow evening and he always orders taco bell super later at night so i know ill end up eating something there but if i can have a little discipline itll be the only thing i eat tomorrow. then starting saturday night after whatever i eat w my partner im gonna start a 36 hour fast. im gonna allow liquid calories but nothing crazy, just its ok to put a little creamer in my coffee or a spoon of sugar in my tea i mean. if i mess up im gonna restart til i make it thru the fast. once i make it thru im gonna go back on a low-carb diet and focus on protein and veggies again. carbs are always my downfall. once i start on pasta and potatos and bread and sugar i always ruin my diet and start binging on everything. maybe ill make more balerina soup again. idk but im gonna fix this. my current achievable goal is to lose 20 lbs by december. if i can lose about 2 lbs a week i can do that. i just gotta focus and stop binging. i can let myself have a cheat day every now and then when im w my friends or a partner but i have to stop rewarding myself with food and overeating when im depressed.

[andsotheuniverseended]

8, 17, and 19 for the D&D ask meme

you didn't specify which of my characters so you're getting the 3 that have been on my mind for all three questions namase (also thank u so much T^T i love talking abt my dnd characters)

8. what are three songs that suit them?

Cephas: I Will Never Die by Delta Rae, Good Life by onerepublic, and Everybody Learns From Disaster by Dashboard Confessional

Wyn: The Fear by The Score, Small Town by John Mellencamp, and Heavy Cross by Gossip

Scalia: Lowlife by That Poppy, Graveyard Whistling by Nothing But Thieves, and The Next Round by Frank Turner

17. what do they dream about, when their dreams are their own?

Cephas: is a stone construct! and therefore doesn't actually sleep, just goes into... like. their consciousness just shuts off and they are just a construct that follows order for four hours, and then they 'wake up' and are a person again. they don't remember or experience that time as anything at all, and it's never theirs

Wyn: sheep! farming. home. a lot of simple things, because she's a very simple woman. her worse dreams tend towards failure to protect people, failure to protect the world, and accidentally ending the world herself. or on purpose. her dreams also get hijacked by her deity on occasion, but that's more Visions than dreams

Scalia: her twin sister; occasionally happy but more often just kind of.... disconcerting. like looking at yourself in a funhouse mirror. nightmares about that one time she accidentally killed her best friend. craving dreams (she's been clean and sober for a couple months and dang it is not easy). the ones she likes best are when she's just a spectator. the dream has its own weird plot that dreams have, and she can just watch.

19. what haunts them? what doesn't?

Cephas: is a witch! which is a homebrew class that involves binding spirits to yourself. so what haunts them? their magic powers! and also the literal ghosts they have following them around! as for what doesn't, well, everything that by all rights probably should. Cephas has done a lot of work over their very long life to avoid being haunted by their past. take responsibility, but don't let yourself get so weighed down by guilt that you can't move forward, and all that

Wyn: y'know a couple members of her party just found out that while Wyn was gone, she actually got sent to an alternate dimension where things were more peaceful and lived a full life there, and only returned to this world on her death bed. so she's very much haunted by aches and pains and scars that are no longer there in this younger body, a bad hip that isn't going to be bad for another 30 years, that kind of thing. and, of course, the people she knew in that world that she will probably never meet in this one; and the fact that even if she did, they wouldn't be the same person. she also is currently carrying around the idea that she is responsible for a huge planar war that might end the world, and also she's had to think about the kind of sacrifices she might have to make in order to protect it, and is weighed down by the things she knows she would do if she had to. what doesn't haunt her? past mistakes and regrets, and the passage of time. she lived a whole other life, and now she's technically an old woman. some things just don't matter the way she used to think they did

Scalia: listen. my edgy necromancer. her sister, now dead, her best friend that she accidentally killed, currently living. the woman who taught her necromancy and is, apparently, a fugitive Wanted Dead, the fact that Scalia doesn't want her dead despite the fact that she probably should, the idea of confronting her past. actually, just about every moment of her childhood up until meeting her best friend, and then a few moments after that. what doesn't haunt her is, well, herself. she knows exactly who she is, she knows all her flaws and could list them off, she knows that her closest relationship is also her most unhealthy one. all of these don't haunt her because they're just facts. she's accepted it. death haunts her, but life doesn't. y'know?

[dogstarblues]

accomplishments:

1. walked my dog twice

2. cooked breakfast

3. acquired a lamp for 7 dollars at a garage sale

4. attended book club and spoke my thoughts confidently

5. called my grandfather

6. called a friend for parallel play to complete a task

7. wrote my first contract!

8. revised my first contract!

9. asked friends for information abt a book

10. cooked dinner

11. had ube popsicles with friend and sat in the sun

12. did the dishes

13. hand-washed some dishes

14. put laundry in dryer

15. showered

16. low-effort skincare bc ive been picking my face

17. dressed in a real outfit

18. read part of a book for book club. im quitting the rest of the book but i felt good reading text in the morning before talking with friends abt the text, and talking to friends abt the book felt good.

19. invested in smoking calming herbs for anxiety, which seems to have gotten worse

20. set up apps so i can sell my books in person and take cards as well as cash and so i can invoice

i feel like i did nothing today but i guess i did a fair amount. i think bc after reading the book everything was a haze of anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

things from the last two days that i remember

1. cooked dinner for half-sister and her boyfriend

2. talked to half-sister and boyfriend for 5 hours

3. made my first fougasse from a no-knead bread book. its lumpy but i like it.

4. made beer cabbage mushroom soup that is heavenly

5. made herb crusted salmon for roommate

6. walked my dog multiple times

7. hashed out terms, schedule, parameters, of a potential contract with a client

8. cleaned kitchen

9. maintained clean room

[ajdrawshq]

3, 9, 23 :D

u know u did smth right when i have to re-look up how to do readmores on mobile for an ask cksbxjsbn

3 - 1-3 games you've played in the past 12 months that you really enjoyed

Omori, Radiant Historia, and Octopath Traveler (in that order)!! and probably several more that im currently forgetting bc the last few months felt like years. i saw Omori on game pass n since i remembered seeing the occasional post abt it i decided to try it out and man!!!! good fucking game!!!!! i dont talk abt it often bc theres very little i can say abt it that hasnt already been said, but it means a lot to me - both the games messages and the world n characters. i even got some new mutuals out of it :3 then Radiant Historia.. i could say a million things abt this game and i Have (most of which is still in my drafts) but god i wish more ppl knew abt this thing. it has its flaws for sure but it does some stuff ive never seen in other games, or not quite the way they do it. n im super attached to the characters <3 probably one of my favorite time travel games by far. and then!!! Octopath Traveler!!!! my most recent beloved.. i did Not think id like it as much as i do but now im very not normal abt it. its such a gorgeous game both in story and the general Vibe of it all its just so <3

9 - A game you played completely blind with no prior knowledge of and enjoyed/loved

definitely octopath. i didnt know Anything going into this game other than that someone recommended it to me bc i also like radiant historia so there had to be some kinda similarity there. going into it, i wasnt sure how following 8 seperate characters and 8 seperate storylines would work nor did i think the endgame would tie them all togther that well, if at all. starting up the game wasnt the most interesting, like when ur going around collecting all 8 characters for the first time and trying to keep up with em all, BUT!! its the kinda game that gets good if u put the time and effort into it and before long i already had 100 hours in. after a while i got really attached to the main team id been using and the other 4 were just as interesting, even the ones i didnt expect to like much?? i adore all the different dynamics within this funny lil ragtag found family so much and all their individual stories.. and everything else is incredible too!! the music is SO fucking good its literally all live orchestrations (and all the musicians are credited too!!) and the boss themes and town themes and route themes are all gorgeous. the graphics are fucking ridiculous, like this game has the best water graphics ive ever seen and that is not an exaggeration in the slightest, and the snow is so so pretty, and the blur effects.. mwah. the overworld pixel art is cute and the enemy/boss pixel art is suprisingly beautiful and detailed. the level design for dungeon-esque areas made treasure hunting fun and i like having to search for hidden pathways in a game built in such a different way than im used to (tho i still have yet to find a way to certain treasure chests >:/). and the gameplay - ive never seen an rpg with set characters that is as flexible as this. u can literally build any character any way and it will be perfectly usable and that is so awesome to me. like theres definitely some optimized builds, but if u wanna make the heavy hitting physical tank guy into a magic dps machine there is nothing stopping u. and he Will kick ass. the gameplay is straight up made for u to do whatever u want with it. the whole world is entirely at ur fingertips. anyway very cute game highly recommend it <3

also worth mentioning are omori, 999, and kh3, but only to some extent bc i technically knew at least Some stuff beforehand for each game but not enough to like. Know. yknow

23 - A "wow" moment of awe

ohhh ive been wanting to talk abt this for a while now thank u for enabling me. in octopath traveler, a Big moment for me was entering the .. spoilery true ending area. ive played a lot of games by now. there are very, very few that have 1. made me genuinely worried about a side character ive met 3 times total n had little more than neutral feelings about and 2. made me feel Actual Dread upon entering an area. the vibe is incredible. first going to a place thats talked about only in tales of a recent tragedy, where there is almost no sound, no life, nothing but burnt, abandoned remains, a save point, and an entrance. and when you actually go inside.. good god. the music is haunting. just the very place is haunting - quite literally!! and the massive lore drops along the way,, man. Man. theres a fuck ton of stuff they just drop on you all at once (some ppl dont like the massive infodump style and im usually the same but i was so fucked up by it i actually absorbed it all lmao), but One Specific Reveal alone was its own wow moment and i havent fully recovered from it. and then the final fucking boss(es)???? hello?????? and the fact that within the eye you can even see (spoiler)........ oughhh. and thats not even mentioning the leadup to it all - the hints are somewhat obvious as you complete each characters ending, but they dont really tie together until you find the diaries. some are more subtle, like the previously mentioned reveal that continues to fuck me up whenever i think about it and i have yet to recover from the whole thing. yes the true endgame is ridiculous and hard as shit and everyone hates doing it. yes its one of the most awe striking moments ive ever felt in a game and i wish i could do it again without the literal suffering that comes with it. no its not even worth it but id do it. yes i am so fucking normal about this game

i also need to mention 999, aitsf, and stella glow here bc holy fuck the three of them deserve it. ive talked abt the first two at some point on their own (the safe ending........ that fucking safe ending!!!!!!!!!!) n i dont have it in me to do a whole thing on stella glow after that ^ so just. trust me on this. ill probably rant abt it at some point its really one hell of a game. oh also ffxv but specifically bc of like the first cutscene where it shows the chocobros getting ready to leave bc that was the first time since id played kh1 and kh2 thatd id seen such pretty looking graphics n characters

[liarsweapon]

i have two three day work weeks in jan so ill probably have more energy to do stuff then

but my main brain focus rn is also just l/abyrinth and h/owls mo/ving c/astle hyperfix, and also;;;;

just random bits n pieces in my head of cass casually torturing the guy who abused the fuck out of her in her past life when she doesnt even remember anything except his face just bc

[kazewhara]

its like 12 am and i have class at 6 tmrw but can we talk abt having kazuha in you lap and just,, being with him??? like, ok reader gets all the support and comfort but what abt him

"you've been working hard."

"on the contrary," kazuha chuckles tiredly as he stares at your intertwined hands, "i don't think i've been working hard enough."

you frown while he plays with your fingers. kazuha came to your apartment a few hours ago looking ran through; his hair barely in it's usual ponytail, his glasses looked about ready to slip off his face, and he had dark circles under his eyes. kazuha's not exactly picky about his appearance, but he normally cares enough to not go out looking so disheveled. rather than entertain his attempts at conversation, you tugged him into your room and forced him to lay down. his protests stopped after three minutes.

finals week is rough -- everyone knows that. you've barely been getting by yourself what with the exams that start as early as 8 am and end as late as 8 pm almost every day. you're fortunate enough to not have any papers to write, but the projects, essays, and multiple choice are kicking you from every direction. kazuha isn't much better off than you are, especially with his courses being literature heavy; your boyfriend has to slave over paper after paper, each one with a high page minimum. you haven't been able to see him much these days because of your busy schedule. it didn't bother you at first, but seeing him so haggard made your insides twist.

kazuha has a terrible habit of forgetting that he has needs whenever he's doing something important. this isn't the first time you've seen him so worn by exams, but this is the first time it's been so bad.

after he woke up from his forced nap, he slunk into the living room and sat beside you with a muted yawn, dropping his head on your shoulder. you pulled him into your lap and he didn't argue at all, absorbing as much of your warmth as he could get. he's been idly toying with your hands for a while now, probably drifting in and out of sleep on your lap. it'd be romantic if you weren't so worried.

"kazuha, when was the last time you slept for more than six hours?" you ask, curling your fingers over his.

he hums in thought but doesn't answer.

"kazuha..."

"i'm alright," he lies. he brings the back of your hand to his lips and holds it there for a moment. "i did need that nap, though. thank you."

you glare up at him but he doesn't meet your eyes. he's hiding something from you. "you're not telling me something." you say, pulling your hand away. "you know you can talk to me, right?"

kazuha nods. his eyes look heavy. "i know." he glances at you for a second before sighing. "you know i hold myself to a high standard. it's nothing anybody forced me to do, i... can't afford to do poorly when i'm capable of doing so much better. so as long as i'm still on my feet, i--"

you cut him off with a sharp shake of your head. he's told you this once before, but that was a completely different situation; you'd found out that he was an english double major and maintained his position as the top student in both departments. it was admirable at the time, but now that you know how far he's willing to go with these thoughts, you can't let him think that all the time. you shudder to think what would become of him if he didn't have you to force him to sleep.

"and what happens when you literally can't be on your feet, kazuha?" you ask, your voice tight. you're not sure why you suddenly feel like crying on his behalf, but you swallow it back. "what then?"

kazuha doesn't answer. you continue.

"one of your most admirable qualities is your diligence." you put a hand on his face, smiling weakly when he leans into your touch. "but it's also one of your worst."

"would you elaborate for me, dove?" he asks, closing his eyes.

"kazuha, your body can only handle so much and your diligence can only take you so far. all your efforts will be for nothing if you fall apart." you brush your thumb over his cheek. "what would you have done if you crashed?"

kazuha rests his hand on top of yours and opens his eyes, his brows furrowing. "i wouldn't have. i know my limits."

"do you?" your smile drops. "then why did you come in here looking like death? if you know your limits the way you think you do, you wouldn't be like this." you flinch at your tone. you don't like scolding anybody, especially your boyfriend, but he's stubborn when he wants to be. it might take some pushing for him to see things your way. "if i hadn't made you sleep, what would you have done then? would you keep working until you passed out?"

kazuha's silence bothers you, but he does speak eventually. "it's... not an easy habit to break." he admits. you remain silent as he thinks things over. it's on him to work out a solution now that the problem has been brought to light. you never want to force kazuha in the direction you want him to go in; it's completely up to him if he wants to or not. then, finally: "would it make you happy if you monitored my studying?"

it'd be nice to keep an eye on him, but you're not responsible for him. "don't tell me what you think i want to hear." you chide gently. you tap his cheek with a finger. "what do you think you should do?"

"if you want the truth, i... don't know. if i slow down, i'll be putting my academics at risk; if i don't take my time, however, i'll be putting my health at risk, and," he almost looks sad when he meets your eyes, "i fear i'd be upsetting you even more. that won't do either."

always so selfless. kazuha's so mindful of others -- of you -- that he literally can't make any moves without considering how self-care will affect those around him. this was a new battle for him to fight in addition to the ones he's already got going on; it was going to take a lot of time for this one to come to an end.

you sigh and lean up to kiss him slowly, drinking in kazuha's murmur of appreciation. "you don't have to know." you whisper. "it's fine. just remember that your health and well-being is important. and if you can't remember, then i'll do it for you. how does that sound?"

kazuha's answer comes in the form of another kiss. "i suppose a few more texts from you wouldn't hurt." he chuckles when you swat at his arm playfully. "thank you for caring so much about me. you really are my angel, aren't you?"

your cheeks warm. "don't thank me for loving you." you mutter. "shouldn't you get some more sleep?"

at that, kazuha stands and grabs your hand. "maybe i should," he says, pulling you to your feet, "but i'd love it if you came with me."

"alright, then." you follow him into your room and hug him close when he moves into your arms. it's almost magnetic the way you two find each other every time. you brush your fingers through his hair. "you gonna sleep a little longer this time?"

kazuha squeezes your waist. "i think i'd be here for an eternity since you're here with me."

"sap."

"i always am."

[mamasbakeria]

four months

summary: love like yours is undoubtedly eternal, but when you haven’t seen your boyfriend in 4 months, it's easy to think twice.

word count: 4.8 k

pairing(s): akaashi keiji x reader

genre | includes: sfw, poc-friendly reader, fem!reader, established relationship, long-distance relationship, lots of swearing (i couldn’t help myself), reader has a step-father (and he sucks), minor violence (people just get slapped it’s nothing crazy)

author’s note: i spent like 3 weeks on this and it ended up only being 4k words im gonna cry- anyway i’ve had this idea for a long time so i’m happy its out of my head. it’s based off of some hc that i read a really long time ago, but i wanted to expand on it and add my own little twists. i wrote this for the climax and proceeded to avoid writing the climax for as long as humanly possible. please ignore if the formatting looks a little funky in the beginning, i’ve been wrestling with html for 3 hours now and i’m a little tired. enough talking, enjoy!

Bokuto-san, are you sure this is okay You; 5:53pm

Yes im sure! I asked the coaches and everything Plus i owe u for tutoring me in english last year Bokuto K.; 5:54pm

I told you that you don’t have to pay me back. You did most of the work. You’re very intelligent Bokuto-san But I’m glad it’s okay. That's one less thing to worry about You; 5:56pm

THANKS (L/N)! I think Akaashi’s smartness has been rubbing off on me But what else r u worried abt? Bokuto K.; 5:57pm

It’s nothing You; 5:57pm

I don’t think its nothing (l/n). I want to help if i can Bokuto K.; 5:58pm

I guess I’m just worried that Keiji doesn’t want to see me It’s stupid, I know You; 6:01pm

I don’t think that’s stupid at all!! But you should see how sad Akaashi is without you He doesn’t smile a lot, but when he does, it’s almost always because of you HEY! Send a message to him right now and you’ll see Bokuto K.; 6:03pm

Okay..? You; 6:03pm

[Attachment: 1 Image] See!!! Bokuto K.; 6:04pm

Thank you, Bokuto-san Really You; 6:07pm

Of course! It’s my job as ur senpai to make sure ur ok Did I do a good job??? Bokuto K.; 6:08pm

Yes, Bokuto-san. You really did You; 6:08pm

Of course I did!! Break’s over! I gotta go. See ya soon (l/n) And I promise not to spill the secret!!! Bokuto K.; 6:10pm

Pinky promise? You; 6:10pm

Pinky promise!! Bokuto K.; 6:10pm

Alright, have fun! You; 6:11pm

You scrolled back up to the picture Bokuto had just sent you with a small smile on your face. The image was blurryㅡobviously rushed as if Bokuto was trying not to get caughtㅡbut it was perfect for you. The gym's fluorescent lighting cast a halo in the gaps between your boyfriend’s unruly hair and danced in the gunmetal undertones of the eye you could see. Just as your upperclassman promised, the smallest smileㅡinvisible to the untrained eyeㅡsat comfortably on his lips. The photo was taken from the side, so you only saw the tenderness in his left eye, but you couldn’t stop your heart from swelling 3 times its size knowing you were the cause of such a fulfilling gaze. Who knew the most beautiful man in your life could get more beautiful? And all because you’d sent him a simple heart.

Maybe Bokuto was right. Keiji would be excited to see you.

But maybe he was wrong. You hadn’t seen your boyfriend in almost 4 months. Don’t ask. It was messy, it was stupid, it was super fucking annoying.

ㅡㅡㅡ

You scratched the skin just below your skirt while waiting for the vending machine to process the numbers you punched in. Everyone at Fukuroudani knew that this was the best and worst machine on campus. It carried the best drinks in the largest sizes, but was near impossible to operate. Depending on the time of day, day of the week, and phase of the moon you could get your drink within 3 minutes or 15. The moon was obviously not in a favorable position, because, not including the 4 times your 1000 yen had been spat back into your hands, you’d been waiting in front of the machine for 8 minutes and 37 seconds… 38… 39…

Saved from your agony, the machine began to hum and push your drink forward. Finally. You spoke too soon, you realized, as your purchase got caught in between the racks and the glass. You knew exactly what you had to do, but had no energy to do so. A quick glance at the clock showed how little time you had left of your lunchㅡwas it worth it? Remembering that the price of this same drink was almost double at the konbini near your house, you decided it was. With fierce determination behind your eyes, you shifted your weight and swung every ounce of strength into a strategically placed kick on the machine’s side. Okay so maybe I should start stretching again. That should not have hurt as much as it did. I might have actually pulled a muscle. Rubbing at your leg again, you crouched to grab your drink from the slot and straightened immediately when you heard high-pitched whistles come from behind you. You didn’t have to turn, but you did anyway if only to glare at the group of 3rd years trying to rile you up.

“Aren’t all of you 18? Are you trying to catch a case by catcalling a first year? That’s what I thought. Respectfully, go fuck yourselves,” you seethed as you snatched your drink, popped the tab, and left the scene before a wandering teacher tried to reprimand you for cursing out your seniors.

Sore, irritated, and drink acquired at the expense of most of your lunch break, you stormed back to your classroom knowing you could air your grievances to Keiji about the occurrences of the 15 minutes since you’d seen him last. Thank God you were eating with him today. Not a day goes by that you aren’t grateful for how reliable your boyfriend is. You could count on him to say what you needed to hear whenever you needed it.

What you weren’t counting on was sliding open the classroom doors to find some girl leaning onto your desk and into Keiji’s personal space. His eyes shot to you when he heard the door connect with the wall and you could almost hear his plea for help. His eyes widened ever so slightly and he gave you a near indiscernible inclination of the head, your shared sign language’s way of saying, “I don’t know how I found myself in this situation, but I want to leave.” It was normally reserved for nosy neighborhood aunties trying to introduce their nieces and nephews to the both of you, but the wordless communication you both had been building since you were young was just as effective now.

If you weren’t angry before (you were), you were beyond agitated now. Was this not Japan? Was everyone not taught respect at a young age? Did you wake up this morning in an alternate nightmare universe where everything was ever-so-slightly more inconvenient than what your emotional reserves for the day were willing to handle? You didn’t realize you were clenching your fists until some of your drink dribbled onto the back of your hand. You also didn’t realize your feet were moving until you were right in front of the pair.

“Keiji, baby, who’s this?” Akaashi winced at the sickly sweetness in your tone, this was the side of you he avoided at all costs: the affectionately titled, Overworked And Underpayed Customer Service Employee Meets Pissed Off Soccer Mom. In less coded words, the side of you that used politeness as the final barrier between you and righteous fury. For anyone that knew you, it was a terrifying place to be. But for you, this stage was rather cathartic. It was a neat segue that allowed you to welcome the rage that flushed your system clean of any of your usual friendliness and settled on top of your bones like molten rock over the side of a volcano. The look in your eyes read danger and the mystery girl ignored all the signs.

“Oh don’t mind me. I won’t be relevant to you much longer. You can call me Yasunobu, but Keiji here can call me Naoko,” an offending hand rested on Akaashi’s bicep as she giggled. I’m too young to get my blood pressure monitored, but I just might have to after this. You felt your eye twitch.

“Yasunobu-san, I don’t think my boyfriend likes you clinging to him like that. Please let him go,” if this was the Disney movie Inside Out, the little emotion people in your brain would be celebrating and shaking hands like they were at NASA coordinating a successful moon landing. You managed to talk without cursing her entire bloodline, that was impressive.

“I think it’s fine, he isn’t saying anything,” Yasunobu leaned in further and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. What the fuck this is literal harassment- “but don’t worry. I’ll get out of your hair. Don’t forget to text me, Keiji.” Her now devilish smile stretched wider when your brow furrowed. Yasunobu’s eyes roved over your boyfriend once more, before she pushed off your desk and adjusted her clothes dramatically.

“Move it, whore,” Akaashi just barely stood from his seat in time to catch you. Did she just fucking shove me? It took you no time to regain your balance.

“Run that by me again. I don’t think I heard you correctly,” our words were louder than you’d intended and soon everyone in the room was looking at the 3 of you, eager to soak up the drama for this week. Especially because you were involved. Now, don’t misunderstand, you have a great reputation. Abrasive at times, but only when asserting yourself. When you weren’t, you were respectful and generous. Compassionate and hardworking, “a pleasure to have in class” as teachers say. But everyone knew that you were a ticking time bomb. Not quite hotheaded, but definitely not slow to anger. Normally, you could catch yourself when your self-control was about to slip, but stories spread like forestfire of the minor incidents in which staggered breathing didn’t do its due diligence. Very rarely did anyone step out of line enough for you to put them in their place, but now that it was happening, everyone wanted to see it firsthand.

“I said you should get out of my way. You’re deaf and ugly too? No wonder your boyfriend wasn’t pushing me away. Everyone knows he’s too good for you,” the silence in the room was suffocating.

Your boyfriend’s grip on your arm tightened just enough to pull you back from the spiraling thoughts he knew you had lost yourself to. The worst part is that she’s not wrong. Keiji is too good for m-

“(Y/n) just sit, she’s not worth your energy.”

“I know.”

Full of rage, yet somehow numb to the core, you sat. You picked up your drink (it splashed when she pushed you and now the sides were sticky) and took a long sip, nearly draining the entire can. Before you could set it down, it was coming back up to your face, spilling the contents over your nose and cheeks and dripping onto your uniform. You knew the spot between your eyebrows would be sore from the impact the next day. Okay she’s trying to make a statement and humiliate me, cool. Did she have to smack the metal can into my fucking forehead?

“Yasunobu-san I don’t know what you’re trying to prove, but you’ve clearly gone too far. I’m not breaking up with (y/n) to date you. Even if I were going to date someone else, you are the last person I’d choose. All you’ve done is show how ugly your personality is,” Akaashi’s voice was ice as he did he best to dry you off. His focus was no longer on the girl who was now flushed red at her plan blowing up in her face.

“I’m sorry, (y/n). I’m proud of you for not losing your temper,” Akaashi had no clue how things had gotten so out of control. He was just glad it was over. Lunch was going to end soon and the teacher would come and make sure Yasunobu got the discipline she deserved.

That would be too easy though.

Before Akaashi knew what was happening, you were pushing past him and grabbing the girl’s quickly descending hand.

“First you flirt with him, then you try to slap him? Are you crazy?” you seethed. This would go down as your worst lunch break in high school history. It didn’t get much worse than this. This was a textbook American high school movie conflict, and you were driving the bus straight into Regina George.

“Don’t touch me,” Yasunobu hissed as she snatched her hand away and sent it flying back at your face in full force. Gasps went around the room and you distantly acknowledged someone running out of the room in search of a teacher. She smirked in victory as you stared at the floor and held your cheek. She just fucking slapped me.

“That actually almost hurt a little,” you mumbled. There was a pregnant pause as the whole room held its breath. This was the type of out-of-line behavior that would unleash the side of you no one was previously dumb enough to intentionally provoke. The only question now was: what were you going to do?

You didn’t keep anyone waiting long. Your hand descended in a swift arc onto the girl’s face. It was no ordinary slap. It was the deafening kind. Your palm was cupped as it clapped against her ear and sent her tumbling to the floor. You knew it was a one and done ordeal; nobody took a slap like the one you dealt out without being knocked off their equilibrium for a while.

“Someone take her to the nurse’s office, she’ll need to lie down for a bit,” was what you wanted to say, but before you could open your mouth, 3 teachers burst into the room. All they saw was a girl sobbing hysterically on the floor (when did she start crying?) and you standing over her.

“(l/n), you’re with me. You have a lot of explaining to do.”

Well, shit.

ㅡㅡㅡ

It was worse than you thought. A lot worse. That fact didn’t dawn on you until you sat with your mother and step-father on the opposite side of the table from Yasunobu and her parents. The three of them were dressed to the teeth with name brand clothing and clutching their bags like you were going to rob them. Her stuck-up parents shifted haughtily and narrowed their eyes whenever you glanced in their direction, so you kept your eyes glued to the wall behind them. Apparently the nasty behavior was hereditary. The teacher who dragged you out of the classroom, Suzuki-sensei, a third year science teacher, alongside the principal entered the silent room to debrief both sets of parents on the situation and dole out the consequences. You were expecting a severe scolding and extra cleaning duties at the worst. Suzuki-sensei was on your side, as were many othersㅡeye-witness accounts all reported much of the same thing, it was obvious what the truth was, but the Yasunobu family was one of the largest benefactors of the academy. As long as Naoko continued with her crocodile tears, Fukuroudani was at risk.

Suzuki-sensei pulled your family aside, promising to do everything in his power to ensure Yasunobu didn’t get off scot-free. As for your punishment, there was nothing you could do. Trust me, your mother tried. Funding was far more important than a single student, no matter how promising of a student you were.

So one formal, written apology and a lot of screaming matches later, you were temporarily unenrolled from Fukuroudani Academy and shipped off to an all-girls etiquette school. Your mother, bless her heart, tried to reason with your step-father, but he wasn’t having it. He’d been looking for any reason to send you away and make room in the house for his children and wasn’t keen on letting this opportunity slip away (that was another can of worms for another day).

“She’s too volatile.”

“I’ve been trying to tell you for months that she has an attitude problem.”

“Assault over a boy? I told you he was bad news.”

“It’s for the best.”

Even if it wasn’t, you found yourself stuck in a correctional environment to manage behavior that you didn’t have. Cut off from your friends, your mother, and the love of your life, you were miserable. There was only so much a phone call could do. Skype calls were hard to coordinate with your momㅡshe was working when you were free, you were asleep when she was on breakㅡand the rare face-to-face visits you had were all too short for your liking.

The only hope you clung to was the promise of it only lasting one semester.

And you made it. Nothing would ever compare to the 4 months in hell you experienced, but now you were on the other side, shaking near imperceptibly on the train towards Shinzen High School. Shortly after school let out for the summer, you met with your mother to celebrate. She was the one who planted the idea you were now carrying out into your head.

“(y/n), why don’t you surprise Keiji at training camp? He doesn’t expect to see you until he gets back. I think it would make his day. His mother told me he’s been miserable without you,” You knew your genius came from your mom, moments like this only solidified it.

It was a great idea, you wouldn’t be 6 stops (oh my god 6 stops) away from the high school if it wasn’t. You were just scared. 4 months was a long time. Naoko could have sunk her claws into Keiji in that time. Of course, he wouldn’t have texted you every waking moment of the day and called you late into the night if that was the case, but it was still a possibility. Even if it wasn’t, he could have changed. You could have changed. That was the entire point of your absence anyway. You were miraculously stubborn, but there was only so much you could reject. The lifestyle you’d been forced into was not easily ignored. What if the things he loved most about you were gone? What if when he saw you, his eyes didn’t widen then crinkle at the corners when he smiled? Would he pull his large, loving hands out of your own and neglect to fidget with them in the way he knew you loved?

What if the Akaashi Keiji waiting for you at Shinzen High wasn’t yours?

You couldn’t take that heartbreak.

It was impossible to envision a life without Keiji, you couldn’t remember a time before him. Your life has been intricately intertwined with his since before you could walk. He did life with you. Before any of your friends, you showed him when you first learned how to tie your shoes. He taught you the kanji for beautiful and wrote it on the back of your hand everyday in second grade. Even though you sucked, you helped him practice volleyball on Sundays in middle school. You opened your Fukuroudani acceptance letters together and swore on your hearts that you’d never tell another soul how hard you both cried. His growing pains were your own. If he was gone, who would tutor Bokuto-san with you? Who would joke about your mother loving him more than you? Who would remind you that you were never too flawed to be loved?

An announcement over the train’s speaker scared you out of your thoughts. Your attention shifted to the monitor overhead, but you couldn’t make out the map through the mistiness of your eyes. Stupid Keiji making you love him enough to cry in public. If you told him about this he’d laugh at you, so he’ll just never know. Bringing a sweaty palm to wipe your face, your breath hitched at the now clear map in front of you. 2 stops to go. You could just get off at the next stop and take the next train going in the opposite direction. It’s not like Keiji is going to die. You’ll see him when he gets back from camp. That might be easier.

But you’re (l/n) (y/n), self-proclaimed baddest bitch alive. Bad bitches don’t go back on their word. Besides, you’d already bothered Bokuto-san and the coaches to allow you to stay for the rest of the week. It would be rude to not show up last minute, especially after all the time they’d spent trying to accommodate you. Were you going to waste their time over some silly doubt? No way. The most loving boy on the planet was (unknowingly) waiting for you and he would be happy to see you. You missed him and he missed you too. You wouldn’t have to scroll very far in your texts to prove it. You could do this. You were going to do this.

With your mind made up, you exhaled deeply and shook all the bad thoughts out of your head. As if the universe was encouraging you to move before you changed your mind, the train screeched to a stop as it pulled into the station closest to the high school. Duffel bag hanging securely over your shoulder, you broke through the commuters moving too slowly for your liking and inhaled the fresh summer air that you’d been denied in the stuffy train compartment.

You pulled up the GPS on your phone and punched in the address for Shinzen High school with surprisingly stable fingers. A smile grew on your face as you looked at your ETA; in less than 20 minutes you’d be reunited with Keiji. You couldn’t wait.

But in the meantime, you had to plan how you were going to scare the shit out of him.

ㅡㅡㅡ

The configuration of Shinzen wasn’t all that different from that of Fukuroudani. You could navigate the empty school grounds with little difficulty, letting intuition guide you. You hummed a song with no rhythm as you moved, two-stepping and spinning to the cicada orchestra filling in the background with soft miin-miins.

Boisterous laughter cut through the previously still air and you knew immediately that you were in the right place. The smell of meat and overlapping chatter lead you behind the gyms where you found a large group of, unsurprisingly, ravished-looking, disheveled boys making excited conversation as the managers (you assume because you recognize Yukie and Kaori) buzz around the grill. Hoping to find your boyfriend or one of his teammates, you shuffled a little closer to the scene and elevated yourself on the tips of your toes. Your nose wrinkled in displeasure as you realized they all look the same: tall, athletic, sweaty teenage boys.

A cluster of blue caught your attention from the corner of your eye and you locked on to the two-toned hair of your school’s captain. Bingo. Just as you were going to step in the direction of the Fukuroudani team, you were stopped by another familiar face.

“Ah, Kuroo-san! It’s been a while,” a large grin spread across your features as you leaned in for a side hug. He got under your skin so easily, but you were proud to call Kuroo a friend. He was one of the few people that could set off your hair trigger and live to tell the tale. You were getting soft. You couldn’t count on all your fingers and toes how many times Bokuto came crashing into Keiji’s house with Kuroo at his side. Very rarely did movie dates stay as just the two of you. Knowing Kuroo Tetsurou the way you did, this hug would end with his knuckles digging into your scalp and your elbow in his gut.

“Yes it has, (L/N). You know, I was expecting a more formal greeting. A 90 degree bow, a western-style curtsy even? Did you truly learn nothing from your time away?” As if on cue, he began to tug you into his sweaty (ew) torso and push your head around.

“Oi let me go, you menace,” you grumbled as you tried to push him off of you, “Etiquette school was just housewife training with calculus. I’m not going to worship the ground you walk on.” Finally breaking free, the two of you held a childish glare before relaxing into soft peals of laughter.

“Bokuto already told me that you were coming. Don’t worry, I’m the only one who knows. He's actually kept his mouth shut aside from that,” Kuroo placated the worry that filled your eyes for a brief moment before pointing in the direction you were heading before, “Akaashi should be down there. Go get your mopey little boyfriend.”

Kuroo pushed you lightly, not giving you the chance to say something snarky. At the call of your name you turn back around and are greeted with a look of sincerity not often acquainted with Kuroo Tetsurou’s face, “It’s good to have you back, honestly. It hasn’t been the same without you.”

“It’s good to be back.”

Mission back in mind, you set back off to find Keiji. Your quickened steps were filled with a giddiness that you knew had flooded every cell of your body. Though your worry and doubt were shed long before you set foot on campus, you couldn’t help but notice the effervescent fluttering in your stomach as it lept to your throat and back several times over. Less than a minute now.

Head on a swivel, you must have looked lost or insane staring into groups of unfamiliar people and muttering in mild irritation when you couldn’t find what you were looking for.

“I could have sworn I just saw them? How does a group of 15 people just disappear?”

So focused on your task, you didn’t notice the eyes and whispers following you. Who were you? Didn’t they have this area reserved? What were you looking for? Should they tell a coach? Speculations bloomed in every conversation trying to place a story on you. None the wiser, you pressed on.

“I swear to God, if he’s in the bathroom or something- oh,” there, sitting demurely at the table full of your schoolmates, facing away from you, was Keiji. His hair was messier than usual and from behind you could tell he was just about ready to sink into the bench beneath him. The only thing holding him up was the arm he propped on the table and the palm he rested his cheek on. You understood. Training camp was no joke. No text message could properly convey the amount of work everyone put in this week. You could practically hear his inner monologue begging whatever deity took pity on him to send a shot of espresso from the sky. You weren’t coffee, but you could deliver an equally effective shock to his system.

In a swift motion, the bag on your shoulder was sailing through the air and colliding with his back. He was slow to react from exhaustion and you almost felt bad, but it would pay off in 5...4...3...2…

“Bokuto-san, it’s been a long day, please don’t throw things at me. There are easier ways to get my attention…” Keiji exhaled deeply as he turned around to scold Bokuto only to remember the captain was sitting right across from him. His confused eyes blinked dumbly when they finally saw you. All was silent as the surrounding players watched with bated breath.

Holding back a chuckle was proving more and more difficult as realization slid onto your boyfriend’s face, so you settled for a smirk and a lifted brow. It didn’t last long because the recognition on his face softened into something akin to fondness, to love, to coming home. The look was deeper than the crinkling of eyelids that normally translated into Keiji’s nonverbal love. It was a look you weren’t ready for, but something you couldn’t have gone another second without. You found quickly that you couldn’t keep your smirk up much longer and it was replaced with trembling lips. Amber rays of the setting sun honeyed the gaze you both shared; it was at times like this that you wished you were able to draw because you dreaded the day when every detail of this moment was lost in your memory.

(Little did you know, you would find yourself locked in a similar gaze less than 10 years from now, right after your wedding veil was lifted over your eyes.)

Akaashi Keiji is known as an ethereal being to those who don’t know him, if only they could see him now, scrambling to his feet and over the bench, barely stopping himself from face-planting into the grass. Gone was the poise that followed his every movementㅡhis only focus was pulling you into his chest and burying his face into the crook of your neck. The pull of your arms around his neck was automatic; your body had not forgotten how right it felt to be slotted with his. You could have stood there, wrapped in his embrace until you both became one with the grass below your feet. Instead you squeezed him tighter and relished in the chance to feel him again.

“I missed you.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

4 months was a long time, but in comparison to the eternity you were going to love Keiji for, it was nothing at all.

© mamasbakeria 2021. do not repost, translate (without permission), or modify

[cospinol]

Knowing that the source material for super crooks covers only the final heist/arc& the whole front of the show is Anime Original sheds so much light on the specific ways it doesn’t work for me… i’m naturally t*mesk*p averse but this one feels counterintuitive to the purposes of a timeskip, its construction is just Off in ways that don’t make sense until you know the first 3/4 of the show were retroactively bolted onto this standalone arc lol; we get so much information from both parts and yet it still feels like the whole narrative is told not shown, because all they’re doing is working around/often against each other. I think the second-to-last heist is really good in its own right but it and the source material actively ruin each other when they’re presented like this..

Obviously i’m mainly talking abt how little sense it makes for praetorian (functionally the main villain of the first part of the show, who most of johnny’s personal conflict is with in this part) to have his fall from grace/takedown Entirely Offscreen; if seeing him on tv as a disgraced ex-hero was our first encounter with him as viewers and we just Knew this obviously fucked up (uninhibited, at rock-bottom, nothing to lose) guy had bad blood with the protagonists (which I think must be the case in the comic) he’d be a scary figure for a single fight or so but in the anime he’s impossible to take seriously in the final arc because it’s such a step down from the type of scary he was in previous arcs; the thing that really worked for him as a villain /was/ the squeaky-clean image+the fact that he was getting away with everything he did. The reveal at the end of the second heist about his true alignment and the sequence of taunting scenes following it are sooo good, but that character work is a total waste because it literally disappears in the hard cut to the next part of the story… the ways in which he acts as johnny’s personal villain are pre-defeated off-screen to the point that fighting him at all in the final arc seems like a narrative waste of time, especially since we *didn’t* see any of his interactions with gladiator pre-timeskip so it felt like payoff with no setup

But also aside from him there are lots of other jarring things that are Explained by the last arc being the beginning of the actual story, like johnny’s literal eleventh hour transformation from world’s biggest idiot to strategic mastermind, and the intros for most of the team being not in the least informed/affected by the prior arcs such that this might as well be the audience’s first time meeting them (this is true of the entire supporting team, imo)… everything we need to know is contained in what we get here, the first 3/4 of the show is totally extraneous. The only real exceptions are kasey (mostly just because she’s the only character of any substance in the first arcs, but even she suffers a bit… her male fantasies speech i can see being really excellent as a character intro at the beginning of a comic book but in the context of the timeskip it feels lazy, shorthand for character work we were actively denied) and gladiator (a whole other can of worms, not just in terms of the way he’s Applied to the praetorian situation not matching up with his prior scenes.. i don’t think he’s really worth getting into I’ll just say Johnny sucks and leave it at that)

What a bummer though. The first few eps of the show (the first half..?) are mostly unsalvageably weak in their own right but if we’d gotten a three-episode ova that really committed to either the count orlok heist on its own or the casino heist on its own, this could have easily have been an 8/10, but bolting them to each other ruins both. so much time spent with these characters and yet it still feels like everything important happened offscreen

[jayflrt]

ahhhh i think tumblr ate it but i was just saying how i noticed deceit was released and i'll use as motivation when i finish some big tests this week (i will literally start reading it the second i hand in my last test on friday)

and omg manifesting the digipacks for you !🕯

cb shows for me are usually either at like 4/5am (depending on daylight savings) or 8/9am which is when i need to be in school at so </3 there's enough clips going around for me to know the main parts tho so im not too worried abt missing them haha 😅 DURING THE SUMMER THO i make sure to watch it (since i only dont sleep at normal hours then anyways ahsjjf) i watched tbz's cb show for thrill ride and maverick ✨️ thought they were on naver live so the video was like vertical and i didnt like that 👎

well besides the tests i have this week im doing pretty well! i also recently joined my school's prom committee so we're planning for that and its very exciting since it'll be the first in person even we can host since the pandemic 😭! (i also need to find a prom dress and i dont want to break the bank yet in case there's a world tour or smth)

i also just saw the multiple cases of plagiarism and it genuinely upsets me so much how people cant respect other's intellectual property (it also freaking happens like every week in here or smth like what 😭😭) but that last one was rly fishy bc they found it so fast;;; it rly sometimes does feel like people just do it on purpose for fun with a new blog and make people feel like shit and just deactivate and thats so 👺👺 its just a low move like have people rly not. have anything better to do 😭

AND ITS MONDAY boooo (well tuesday since its past midnight for me) lets hope the rest of the week can go on peacefully 🤧 i hope everything else is well on your end too (besides the situation mentioned above)

- 🌻

I THINK IT DID EAT IT :((( because im seeing the wrong number in my ask box for the number of asks i can see in it,, like it won't show up even tho there's supposed to be more :(( AHH GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TESTS THO 🤧 SCREW DECEIT IT CAN WAIT <333 so does that mean your exams are over tomorrow ?? :o 

im so nervous for the digipacks HAHAH like i dont mind any member i get BUT IM SO IMPATIENT I WANT IT NOW >:(( omg tbh i like watching comeback shows more than award shows so i like staying up to watch them 🥰 but it's not the end of the world if i miss it bc ppl record + upload clips HAHAH i even watched a whole treasure comeback show live with addy when i didnt even stan treasure 😭 HELP and for enha i remember she facetimed me so i could show her their live on my phone when i had no idea who they were 💀 

now i would definitely defend that deformed heart with my life 💀

tbh my non engene days were so funny i had no idea who those boys were LMFAO and i dont think ive watched a tbz comeback show actually omg,, maybe i will have to sacrifice some sleep for changmin and jacob <333 

ALSO HAVE FUN WITH PROM COMMITTEE !! that sounds so fun actually omg D; i hope it's a good experience for you !! 💗 omg prom dress shopping is so exciting :'') what color/style were you thinking of ?? my gown was pink i loved it so much 💖 

and right,,, these recent plagiarism cases have been making me rlly suspicious and kinda sick :// i seriously hope people grow up and realize that internet clout ultimately amounts to absolutely nothing. plagiarizing people's work..... how low are you going to stoop for a few notes 😞 also i was a little tipsy when i saw the ask that i got plagiarized LMFAO i was literally telling addy why couldnt they plagiarize me when i was sober 😭 but on a more serious note about that ask..... it was literally 10 min after the fic was posted and the account was new and not visible and the post didnt show in the tags so im VERY confused :/ 

but i hope the rest of your week is smooth sailing love !! and good luck on those exams again 🥰 thank you for such kind words HAHAH i think it'll be a good weekend !! just busy :'') hope you have a wonderful day/night <33 

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.