#its 4:30 am i hope i made sense :')

[fluffyfantasticducky]

Utterly Infuriating

☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader ☆ Synopsis: Loki is very bad with people, so meeting anyone new just means a new enemy, and you didn't seem to be the exception. And the way you start getting along seems to indicate so. But... perhaps that's not entirely true. ☆ Word Count: 8,607 ☆ Notes: Playful tickles, (a probably very bad) enemies to lovers. @blehblahsworld requested an enemies to lovers and secret dating Loki x Reader, I hope it's more or less what you hoped for. ☆ Warnings: Heavily headcanonned (is that a word?) Loki. This is my first (and probably only) enemies to lovers, the beginning isn't very good because of that, other than that it's a lot of playfulness and tickles. Lots of flashbacks to what I imagine Loki's childhood would be, I just have a weird obsession of writing nostaglic!Loki stuff, I am so sorry.

Who would have thought that Loki would end up becoming part of the group he had tried to take down in the first place? It was laughable, really. People he thought just a thorn in his side were now his first genuine group of friends.

But here he was.

He learned to find humor in Stark and Barton’s sarcastic quips. He got along with Banner, who he found comfortably quiet to read books or drink tea with. He learned to fear and admire Romanoff’s skill and cold mind under pressure, but also adored challenging himself to try tricking her (he wasn’t successful for the most part). He came to admire Roger’s leadership and strong values, and of course reconnecting with his brother was something he’d never admit how much it meant to him. And he learned how much forgiveness and that sense of belonging fulfilled him.

He was a bit surprised that in 10 years the group had grown at least 4 or even 5 times its size. They had gone from 6 heroes to 30 something, with half of them being permanent residents on the Headquarters while the rest came and went.

That’s where he met you. Gods, he didn’t know how there could be someone so insufferable. You were worse than Thor.

You were bright and bubbly, always wore your heart on your sleeve, contrary to him who who always hid his feelings. Loki was a charmer, deliciously cynical and the life of the party if he chose to join, you on the other side where a bit shyer and not the greatest fan of crowded rooms unless it was full of friends; it quite reminded him of the anxiousness he felt as a prince in Asgard, always worried about being seen making a mistake, he was sure you felt exactly that kind of stress.

Seen that way, you and Loki were like day and night. It was no wonder you and Loki hated each other at first side.

“Brother! Come quick!” Thor called. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet!”

Loki sighed and left his book on the little coffee table and got up, Thor’s voice came all the way from the kitchen (loud as always) so he took a bit to reach the kitchen, and as he got closer to the room he noticed laughter and sweet scent filled the air.

It was Thor’s familiar boisterous laughter that made the buildings shake, and a new unfamiliar laughter.

He arrived and saw a Rogers, Romanoff, Thor, Stark and… someone new. That new person was cooking pancakes for dinner and when he turned around… you were like opening the door on a cold winter night after being by the fire all day. Overwhelming for sure.

“Brother what is going on…?”

You had a bright grin on your face and announced Rogers to think fast. Steve chuckled and lifted his plate and soon a pancake flew through the air, nearly hitting Loki in the head had he not ducked in time, before smacking against the plate in Rogers’ hands. Everyone cheered and laughed.

“What the—?!” Loki gasped.

“We got a new friend!” Thor claimed brightly.

“We met at the gym” Natasha announced. “I knew I had met a mutant when I sparred with someone who didn’t hit the floor in the first 3 seconds.”

You smiled timidly and walked to the fridge, lowered and with a single hand and a loud creek, the fridge was lifted effortlessly from the floor.

“Oh.” Loki said uninterested. “Can I go back to my book?”

“I thought I could make dinner as a thank you for being so welcoming” you smiled politely.

“Welcoming?” Loki asked, tilting his head.

“I’m moving here” you grinned brightly.

You know how people sometime tense up when they try to hide their excitement? Well, Loki tense up for the exact opposite reason.

“Remember that empty room beside yours?” Tony smiled brightly. “It’s not gonna be empty anymore.”

Even better.

“What do you like in your pancakes? Chocolate? Nuts? Berries?” you smiled warmly.

“Uh… nuts and berries?” Loki said.

The dinner was delicious, he could give you that. But the second he finished he excused himself wanting to go to bed early. He went to pick up his book before going to his bedroom.

“Ah, brother. There you are.” Thor smiled, already in his pajamas, white and blue stripped pants, a white t-shirt with a stamp of Mjolnir with a cutesy face. “I wanted to talk to you. About our new friend? What do you think? Friendly, right?”

“Awfully” Loki rolled his eyes, “I didn’t think I’d met someone as loud as you. I already have a headache. I know for sure life here has just become infinitely more aggravating…”

“Brother… don’t be like that…” Thor said sadly. Loki simply sighed and went inside his room.

Next morning he saw you again for breakfast. Everyone had their own schedule so to eat there was only Wanda, Loki, Bucky, and you. You helped to make breakfast and you ate quietly, finished quickly and picked up the plates of everyone to put it on the dishwasher and it started running.

“You’re quite helpful…” Wanda smiled warmly.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I wouldn’t want to be aggravating” you smiled brightly, giving a quick glance at Lki that might as well have killed him before leaving the kitchen.

Since then Loki and you hated each other, you argued on daily basis. If Loki said red, you said blue, if he said up you said down.

It even got in the middle of missions. It was only a matter of time until your constant clashing blew up in everyone’s faces.

It wasn’t the greatest idea to send you and Loki on the same group either. But Steve thought it’d help you two get along better if you fought side by side for a mutual goal. It was a nice, but perhaps too innocent thought.

The mission was simple, as Tony called it “bad guys had hostages” situation. There was a bit of intel Nat and Bucky were interested in, hoping to find other settings where potentially more people could be in danger. So it had to be a smooth infiltration and until finding the civilians then it was “breaking stuff” time… Tony should not be allowed to name missions at this point. It made it difficult to take them seriously.

You had been left alone with Loki to find where the hostages were being held captive while Nat went to find the main computer to gather the information while the rest of the group started surrounding and sabotaging the headquarters to cause a diversion and given you a quick escape, plus neutralizing a threat.

Loki wanted to do things his way, as usual. But you had managed to sneak into a clothes hut and you got uniforms to pass undetected… Very much against Loki’s will given he kept arguing he could’ve just casted an illusion.

“This is absurd” Loki scoffed as he put on a shirt gray shirt. “We’re wasting valuable time. My illusions—”

“—Would’ve been casted off the second someone lays a hand on us” you reasoned, doing your best, although fruitless attempt not to sound annoyed at him. “These guys are weirdly touchy, a hand on your shoulder and your done for.”

Loki turned around to give you a snarky comeback, only to be cut off when he saw you changing. You both had been facing opposite directions to give each other privacy, but his attitude got the best of him.

He did not expect the sight he was greeted you as he saw you dressing up.

Your body was toned thanks to the training, and it showed the overly demanding lifestyle and dieting being an Avenger required. It was weird you were muscled like one would expect, given your mutation focused on your physical strength, although he didn’t really know how that worked so he just figured that was part of it. But one would easily tell you trained on a daily basis.

He was mesmerized, even smiling softly at you.

When you turned around you caught him staring and your face turned bright red and you let out a loud screech. Loki panicked and tackled you to cover your mouth.

But it was too late. A guard gave opened the door and the alarms started sounding. It was time to run if you wanted to rescue the hostages.

“What happened?!” Steve spoke through the comms. “The alarms are going off!”

“We were caught!” you called. “Loki—!”

“—tried to save me but I blew it!” Loki cut you off.

“It was your fault!” you snapped at him. “We gotta rush to get the hostages!”

“We need to get the intel we were set to do first…” Loki argued, “we can’t lose the input if the other hostage locations.”

“I’m not abandoning the hostages here, we’re getting them first!” you argued.

“We’re not gonna do either if you guys don’t focus!” Natasha argued through the communicator.

A thing of these groups that became quite cliché was there was always a bunch of guys the were big. Mutants as well. Big, tall and sturdy, almost like human walls, not very smart but insanely strong. He had an axe the size of a human.

You clashed your fist against the guard’s axe and it made you both recoil to process the soreness the impact caused on both of you. This guy clearly had a similar level of raw strength as you. So you wouldn’t be winning this on your own.

You turned to ask for Loki’s back up, but a green fog formed on the spot as Loki vanished on thin air. Not only leaving you on your own, but making the battle field a blurry mess.

“Loki?!”

“Sorry, mortal.” Loki said sarcastically. “We can’t let you ruin the mission.”

“LOKI!” you yelled as you barely dodged a swing from the axe.

“Trickster, go with Romanoff to get the intel!” Tony stated as he flew above the enemy base, knocking out a couple of troupes with his missiles. “Hercules, go with Cap to get the hostages! Go! Go! Go!”

The rest of the mission was a blur, the hostages barely escaped alive, and a few were harmed and had to be treated in the flight back home, and Natasha was injured when she got an ambush from the guards when she was downloading the data.

Even after missions were a nightmare for everyone around you two. The entire trip was loud and obnoxious.

“You had to back me up when the big guy shows up! Not just vanish from the fight!”

“Excuse you, that fight wouldn’t have taken place t begin with if you hadn’t blown our cover!” Loki yelled at you. “You’re lucky my mist cloak allowed us a clean exit!”

“Clean exit?!” you screamed back, poking his chest. “I got a slash on my leg because I couldn’t see where I was going!”

“Yeah, and if you could stay still and not scream so much, I’d patch you up easier” Natasha said half amusedly.

“Sorry Nat…” you apologized, your mood changing completely to warm and friendly.

Thor pulled his brother to the other end of the ship to try having some peace and quiet until they got home.

Of course, Fury was… well, furious.

“You pair of moronic and irresponsible idiots!” Fury said. “It’s a fucking miracle no one is died while the two of you fought like kindergarten brats! Suspended. Both of you. 3 weeks.”

“What?! Director!” you whined.

“Director nothing! Let’s see if this time alone helps you two get along better.” Fury scoffed. “Dismissed.”

Loki on the other hand, didn’t argue. Men with Nick Fury’s temper couldn’t be reasoned with when they were this pissed. He would know, he grew up with two at home. So he just nodded and left the room when he was told to.

It would be a long lock down.

You weren’t much more pleased with the decision, given that after this mission you had plans to go out to the city and now you were essentially grounded like a 5 year old. Downsides of living in the compound, every so often, if you messed up real bad you’d be “grounded”.

Loki too had plans ruined by this. Not the type the others had, who went to big events or dated civilians who they could stay over for a few days when they had time off. Loki didn’t even have friends outside of the Avengers… or at all. But he had learned to enjoy going into the city and indulge in some human theater, casting an illusion to conceal his identity of course, otherwise people would panic. But he liked it, but the dramatic costumes, the theatrical               and embellished of speaking of some plays, and the occasional musical that had always a song or two stuck o his brain for a few weeks.

But now that wouldn’t happen until next month. Instead he was stuck with someone he couldn’t stand and that couldn’t stand him back. Great.

The next day of when everyone left to live their lives out of the compound while he stayed locked in his room for as long as he could. He read, he had a little cloth ball that he threw up and caught, he used his illusions to entertain himself, and he even used his phone to try entertaining himself for as long as he could, but sooner than later he grew bored.

He wasn’t the type to be able to stay still, and he got out of his room to walk around the compound, his legs already itching to get a good walk.

As he stretched his body with a nice walk and he felt his mood already boosted a little. He was by the kitchen when he heard music, and not just music, but a song he recognized.

“It’s time to try defying gravity. I think I’ll try defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity. And you won’t bring me down” he heard the song he very much he liked.

As he walked by the kitchen following the song he was greeted with yet another pleasant surprise. A sweet aroma of one of his favorite treats as a kid, apple pie. He remembered being a young child in Asgard, pulling all the tricks and spells in his arsenal to steal the baked goodies from the talented Pastry chefs the palace had in its staff.

His Odin and Frigga impressions became as good as they were due to impersonating them to request for apple pies when his mother made the kitchen “Loki proof” with her magic. He used to eat it so much that right before he turned a teen, he got quite chubby from how much and how often he ate it. At some point he resigned to his baked love in favor of losing weight and becoming a more efficient warrior… although every so often there would be a party and he’d be sure to get a big slice of apple pie to indulge on his guilty pleasure.

Long story short, he absolutely loved apple pie and just the smell made his mouth water and his stomach growl.

He found his feet moving on his own to the kitchen and he didn’t have time to process you were the only one at home, ergo, it was you who he found in the kitchen, baking, and dancing, and singing along the music. He realized right away you hadn’t realized were no longer alone. You had that lack of shame in your dance that one could only have when they were completely alone, his mind wandered to the accidental peep he got at your body during the mission. He couldn’t help but laugh a bit, he hadn’t seen you so relaxed and carefree, even with your bubbly and energetic nature.

Unfortunately, that soft chuckle gave away his presence.

“Ack!” you screech dropping pie onto the floor, your face red like a tomato.

Loki barely reacted fast enough to cast a spell of to catch the pie inches above the ground, but sparing the baked treat and burning to the counter.

It smelled heavenly.

“My apologies, mortal” Loki chuckled, sounding more amused than sorry, although he didn’t mock you, doubting you would be wiling to share your cooking with someone who made fun of him. “I swear I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

“You did!” you scolded him with a beet red blush along your face, Loki surprised himself finding it quite endearing. “God dammit, is it a pastime of yours creeping up on me?!”

“I wasn’t aware you liked Wicked too…” Loki mentioned, changing the subject, wanting to get on your good side. And it worked, because your expression changed, you seemed surprised.

“You like musicals?” you said with a slight smile. “I didn’t take you for someone to like human stuff.”

“Well, a misunderstood character that gets people thinking them a monster because of their skin color and decides to accept that they can only be a villain because that’s the only think you get to be? Might as well be my autobiography.”

“Don’t forget the green and black color aesthetic” you giggled, making him laugh as well. “And a bit snobby.”

“Yeah, I suppose that too.” He smiled.

“I never thought of it like that” you said. “Was it that bad? Being an Elphaba?”

The way you said felt quite soft, kind. It stirred something in his chest.

“To be perfectly fair, I found out I was a frost giant when I was 1,048 years old” Loki admitted. “But at the time I felt like I was going insane. Frost giants were monsters, and in a constant state of imminent war with Asgard…”

“I can imagine you felt like the enemy of everyone you loved” you said sympathetically. “It must have been awful…”

“Earth was a witness to how badly it affected me…”

“wait! New Mexico and New York were the collateral damage to an identity crisis and a mental breakdown from a twenty-year-old?!” you exclaimed, your chin against the counter and tugging on your hair.

Loki shrunk in his place.

“You’re telling me it could have been solved with some therapy, a cup of tea, and probably a hug?”

Loki was a bit surprised that your response wasn’t as aggressive towards him, if anything it irradiated a weird mix of anger and empathy.

“There was also a hint of mind control” Loki defended himself.

“Yeah right, a wizard did it.” You smiled amusedly, and weirdly enough, it made him laugh. “We all saw that you had to touch people’s chests with the pointy end to make it work.”

“I mean it” he smiled. “The mind control from the scepter Thanos gave me came from the time stone in it, and it fueled those around him with anger and left them vulnerable to obey orders if you held onto it for long enough. Banner has pointed out he and the others felt it too. I felt so much… I don’t know… rage? …I didn’t realize what was going most of the time… it wasn’t until I had lost that I truly realized what I had done… and it took even longer for me to realize the gravity of my actions…”

That seemed to convince you, and Loki felt a weird relief from you believing him. You stayed in silence for a while.

“That’s heavy…” you mumbled, not sure what else to tell him, and you offered him your hand.

He wasn’t sure what made him place his hand on your and you gave him a little squeeze, before gently caressing his knuckles with a touch so sweet that made thrills go down his spine. You smiled at him.

“Well… You are one of us freaks now” you smiled softly in a way that made him feel warm and fuzzy.

He pulled his hand away and cleared his throat, feeling his face uncharacteristically hot as he looked down and to his side, just trying to avoid your gaze. You laughed and tried following where his gaze pointed towards, looking at the warm pie on the counter.

“Want some?” you offered, tilting your head to point to the pie and Loki’s stomach grumbled, almost in an involuntary affirmation. He really should’ve had breakfast. You laughed and cut him a big slice and Loki’s mouth water.

He hadn’t really been looking at the pie, but he sure didn’t argue back if you offered him some. The taste was divine. He couldn’t help a rather inappropriate sounding hum of pleasure.

“Oh Norns, what did you put in this?” he asked, his mouth half full of the sweet pie. “These tastes so different from… Mmm! Oh Norns!”

“Ah, just the usual, flour, eggs, milk, apple marmalade, sliced apples, sugar, cinnamon” you listed.

“Cinnamon? What is this cinnamon?” he spoke happily as he ate more. “What kind of apples? They feel so different… Mmmm! This is amazing!”

Loki felt like a child again. For a moment he forgot of everything, he ate messily, a bit of marmalade falling on his shirt which never used to happen. He ate loud and let out happy moans and hums as he enjoyed the pie.

He ate so fast he didn’t realize he had almost finished the huge slice until he saw you serving him another huge, warm, sweet, slice of pie. You didn’t shame him, you simply giggled and smiled brightly at him.

He ate more until he was stuffed… Which happened only once he had finish most of the pie. If anything, what he didn’t eat could be barely called a slice. He felt a bit ashamed from his lack of self control, he hadn’t behaved like this since he was a child. He even let out a small airy burp.

“Excuse me…” he apologized, his face burning from shame.

But rather than being disgusted, you burst out laughing. Loki grimaced from shame.

“Sorry, sorry” you laughed. “Adopted or not, you truly are Thor’s brother. You Asgardians sure have a huge appetite.”

Loki smiled. Despite it being a teasing statement, it didn’t feel aggressive, and so it drew a happy laugh from him. You had a charm to you he couldn’t help but smile and feel like a kid around you.

“You’re so…” he growled with a big grin.

“Aggravating?” you said with a weak smile.

Ah, that. He now regretted his words from the first day you two met. He was such a fool. He saw someone loud and bright and decided you were annoying. But while those first statements were true, you were a delight to have around. And a great baker.

“I should probably… a-ap… um… I haven’t been the best God to be around… Ah… I want to… a— apolo— uh…”

“Apologize?” you smiled and he gulped, before nodding. “Apology accepted. I haven’t been the easiest person for you to deal with… I’m sorry too. Want the last slice?”

Just like that? He didn’t understand how he got away with it so easy. But the offer of the last slice made him nod and you served him the last bit of the pie. Your apology was a bit short too, but as you were placing the last slice on his plate, he noticed your face turn bright red. You didn’t seem much better at apologizing. But the effort was there.

He was flooded by a happy memory of his family.

He had failed to convince on of the pastry chefs to make him a pie. He went to climb a special tree on his mother’s garden where he hid to self-contain his tantrums, knowing that his Seidr went out of control when he was upset.

He didn’t know how long he was up there when he heard someone calling him. Frigga.

“Loki? Child? Are you up there?” a voice called him.

“No! I’m not!” he whined.

He heard Frigga laugh and a sudden sweet aroma filled his nose that made his anger fade away. Apple pie.

“C’mon brother, you come down or I’ll go get you!” he heard Thor calling him playfully. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing a little bit.

“If he doesn’t, I will!” a third voice added.

Loki jolted and jumped down from where was hiding from the tree, falling right on his father’s arms and both tumbled down onto the grass. Odin didn’t often have enough free time to escape his duties and spend quality time around his family. But every once in a while, he sneaked out of his royal duties so all four could do something together.

The rest of the evening they sat together on Frigga’s garden to eat apple pie together, playing and laughing together, and this had been one of the rare occasions where he could outshine Thor, showing the new trick Frigga had taught him. Having the little flower he had picked jump from his hands and onto his brother’s head now as a frog who screeched and fell backwards, making everyone burst out laughing.

It had been one of those happy days full of laughter and joy. Thor and Loki fought with wood swords and both parents chased their kids pretending to be a pair of Bilgesnipes but trapping them in tickle hugs only for both brothers to team up and try returning the favor to their parents… key word: tried.

Loki felt his eyes water a bit and he let out an airy laugh as he wiped his tears. He felt a bit foolish for letting all his anger and insecurities let him forget all those happy days. And letting himself and everyone in his family be drowned in royal duties as he and Thor slowly approached the age of one of them ascending the throne.

“Hey, I didn’t my apple pie was that good” you joked, but still passed him a napkin to clean his eyes.

“S-Sorry, no… yes, it’s um… it’s very good.” He said, feeling a knot on his throat. “Thank you so much… for… f-feeding me. I hadn’t eaten one of these in a few decades. It was…”

“Nostalgic?” you finished the phrase for him, and he nodded. For a silver-tongued guy, he was very bad at expressing his feelings. “It’s okay… Just say the word and I’ll make more for you.”

He smiled and sighed as he wiped the last tears.

“Thank you.”

“Sure…” you nodded and your cheeks turned red. “Hey… uh… since you don’t hate me anymore… maybe we could watch a movie together in the lounge room. Maybe. If you want.”

That made Loki laugh.

“I hated you?! You made it a ritual to disagree with me and get on my nerves, or do I remind you that you are half to blame for the two of us being in a lockdown?!” he said, but he found no anger in his voice, if anything he sounded amused.

The way your face contorted into a funny ashamed grimace made him bite the inside of his cheek to hold back a laugh.

“Maybe… but what was I supposed to do?! I thought you hated my guts!”

“Perhaps let your pride aside for a mission?!” Loki laughed.

“I could let my pride aside had you not mortified it” you grumbled.

Loki froze for a second. The phrasing was different, but he knew exactly what you were referring.

“You like Jane Austen?!” he gasped.

“You like Jane Austen?!”

“I met her!” Loki exclaimed and casted an extremely old book, but it was extremely well kept. “I got this book. “I didn’t come to earth often, but I loved to make little trips to get books. I got this book for my 848th birthday, it’s quite literally a first edition.”

“No way!” you said fascinated as you looked at the book and skimmed through the pages and noticed a scribble and you nearly dropped on the floor. “IT’S SIGNED?! I HATE YOU!”

You grabbed the book and ran.                           

“HEY! GIVE IT BACK, YOU THIEF!” Loki laughed and chased after you, feeling a flutter in his chest he had never felt.

He chased you around the compound and when he got in range he casted a concealment spell to protect his precious book but now you were in trouble.

Now, he knew you better than he’d ever admit, and he knew that you were one of those mutants that had quite literally god-like strength, just like the spiderling. Although your powers were limited to better stamina, superhuman strength and considerably better speed than an average mutant, but not quite outstanding in that group. And thank goodness because a weakness you had were two left feet and constantly having missteps.

Just like one that given the rush of adrenaline made you drop behind the couch and Loki jumped, sitting on your waist, straddling you with his legs and he struggled to pin your arms to each side of your head. Your faces inches away from each other’s, your breaths were getting mixed from the proximity as you both panted after the chase.

Norns, you smelled like flowers and that delicious apple pie. And your lips, half parted were just so inviting… And… no one would know if…

Before he acted, you had pressed your mouth against his, kissing him fervently and he did not object a single bit, kissing you with a passion he hadn’t realized he felt, always too busy with his misconception of you. But now that he had a taste of you he was going wild with the amount of desire in his gut. You were gorgeous, sexy, funny, caring… very… very sexy.

“I’m sorry…” he breathed heavily. “I was an utter, bumbling fool… I’m sorry… I was the aggravating one, and I judged you too fast.”

“I’m sorry too… I was stupid too, I got too defensive and aggressive…” you whispered against his lips, filling his body with warmth and electricity. “I’m so sorry for being a pain in the ass.”

“Let’s take this elsewhere” he huffed breaking the kiss for just an instance.

And so, the lockdown with you went from punishment to blessing. Now the two of you couldn’t get your hands off each other. One thing he had got right from the first meeting is that you gave him that aura of someone who was extremely affectionate. But he never imagined how good it felt to be on the receiving end of those affections. And you were a forced to be reckoned with, but you loved with the same ferocity you fought, and Loki couldn’t love it more.

He had had lovers in the past, but it always felt transactional, like it was to get something from him, or he let his own insecurities sabotage his relationships. But this was… fun… easy. He no longer had any nobility titles on earth, and you refused to acknowledge him as a god in the literal sense. You treated him like an equal, you wanted nothing from him. You were purely and simply  into him… and that made him madly into you.

But it all changed the second the rest started coming back from their lives on the outside world and return to the compound. Loki couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about being lovey dovey in public, much less with someone he had sworn to despise. He knew he’d never hear the end of it from the others. But he couldn’t help being captivated by your beauty, your kindness, your sense of humor, that body of yours… Damn, he was doomed. And you didn’t seem to think much different because you also held back from your affections as soon as there was someone else around.

Wanda and Vision were the first one to return, but those two were in a forever state of honeymoon and barely noticed the world around each other when they were together. But not long after, the compound was full of everyone.

Loki would go insane on days like that because he couldn’t shower with you with his devoted affections. It was like a nasty itch he couldn’t quite scratch.

But it was noticeable that something had changed between the two of you, given you went from nearly killing each other on every interaction to agreeing on nearly everything. And Loki had stopped avoiding the kitchen where everyone gathered around you while you baked. Loki gained a pound or two since the two of you started dating since you always made apple pie especially for him and now, he never missed a single baked treat you made.

It even made him interacted a lot more with everyone else, which at first he considered a sacrifice, but after growing accustomed to the noise, he came to enjoy the company. It reminded him of those few days where his parents, Thor and himself would spend time just relaxing together. And he was sure that was exactly what Thor thought too.

“So, you swear it on your life?” Tony asked.

“Yes Stark, I swear” Loki scoffed with a tiny smile. “Just because I was D. B. Cooper doesn’t mean I caused every little historical mystery. I don’t know who Jack the Ripper was. What he did was vile and disgusting, Thor and I only indulged on confusing humanity, not tormenting you all.”

“Swear it on the name of the love of your life” Clint said holding his beer.

“What?!” Loki said, tensing up, fearing the two of you had been caught.

“I don’t know, you don’t have a wife…” the archer shrugged. “Just swear.”

“I swear it, Barton” Loki said, feeling a bit relieved, but he eyed you and he noticed you had pursed your lips, unsuccessfully fighting a smile and he felt a fuzzy warmth running around in his chest. “But… we may or may not have something to do a certain lost tomb of an ancient queen…”

“NO!” Tony gasped with an incredulous but fascinated smile.

Thor rubbed the back of his neck with an apologetical smile. “Sorry about that…” he apologized and his crewmates started bombarding him with questions. He was so lost in the conversation he failed to hear you calling for him until you raised your voice loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Loki, cupcake?”

“Yes?” he responded in automatic.

He immediately realized his mistake when he saw the tray of cupcakes in your hand. You were not calling sweet petnames. You were offering him a treat. Everyone was looking at him weirdly.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” you saved the situation quickly.

“I do… want a cupcake” he clarified, clearing his throat to not sound nervous.

“Extra cake frosting for frost not so giant?” you smiled teasingly.

“Sure.”

And there had been a few more slips here and there. From how much time you two spent together lately, how you always sat together to sneak little caresses under the table to reaffirm your mutual love even if in secret. Or even developing an acute hearing to kiss as passionately as you could when no one was around which led to a few close calls. Or a few night he’d sneak into your room (and vice versa) to spend the night.

And it slowly became more noticeable to the one person who knew him best, or well, at least for the longest time.

Loki had been invited to see a racecar event on the TV with Thor, Romanoff, Stark, Barton, Banner, Rogers and the rest of the guys. You had declined the invitation, more interested in trying a new recipe and unfortunately for Loki you two had decided that it’d be better for keeping face if Loki joined the others and socialized with the group instead of going to watch you bake. And just like that, Loki was stuck watching a bunch of cars running in circles with a now nearly empty glass of Asgardian ale on his hand.

“So… you and our little pastry cook, hm?” Bucky asked, drinking his own glass, that had just a bit of Asgardian ale to make up for the super-soldier resistance to alcohol, making him slightly tipsy. “Happy for you.”

“What?” Loki asked, his body stiffening.

“It’s clear you feel a little something-something” Tony wiggled his eyebrows. “Have you done anything about it yet?”

“You bet” Natasha chuckled. “Why do you think they argue way less lately? Missions hadn’t been this easy in so long!”

Loki felt his cheeks warm, but he simply hid behind his glass under the excuse to drink more.

“Congratulations, brother!” Thor grinned from ear to ear.

“You’re all straight up delusional!” Loki blushed profoundly.

Everyone laughed loudly at Loki’s reaction, very evidently not believing a single word. He was so embarrassed, and he couldn’t help the hot blush on his face that went all the way to his ears.

“C’mon… tell us the truth!” Tony elbowed his ribs, making Loki jolt, which was noticed by the inventor. “What was that?”

Thor spoke before Loki could come up with an excuse.

“Ah, my brother is awfully ticklish!” Thor smiled brightly. “He used to love getting tickled when we were little.”

“THOR!” Loki protested with his face red like a tomato. “N-No, I’m— I was a child back then!”

Everyone smiled at him in a way that made even the god of mischief want to run for his life. But Thor knew him well, and before he could escape, and he had put him in an arm master lock, and Loki started squirming to break free, but of course, in a one of one, Loki would never beat Thor in terms of physical strength. Everyone exchanged looks and Loki knew exactly what they were thinking.

“Ohoho! I like how you think, Sparky.” Tony chuckled letting his drink to the side, also grabbing Loki’s drink not to waste it.

“That brings back memories, eh Bucky?” Steve chuckled, exchanging an affectionate smile with his best friend.

“And if my memory works correctly, it was a good way to make you talk” Bucky agreed.

“Let’s see if it works for Loki TOO” Steve said and left his beer.

Everyone had forgotten the race on the TV and their drinks to focus on the currently helpless Loki.

“All of you! If you even dare to lay a single finger on me, I swear I will— ACK!” Loki was cut off my a light poke on the side by Natasha. His face burned. “DON’T!”

Everyone was giggling at the reaction from the young god. Loki could only squirm and tug against his older brother’s grip.

And with that, everyone jumped on their former enemy. Poking and prodding the God of Mischief’s torso. Loki tensed up and held his breath eventually letting out a few laughs, still doing his best to refrain his laughter. He wanted to hold back, but every nerve that was being tormented begged him to laugh.

“This could easily end if you admit you are dating—” Tony teased.

“I’M NOHOHOT!” Loki yelped, cursing himself for the laughs that escaped past his lips.

A part of him wanted to just get over it and admit how helplessly in love he was with you, he could easily start demonstrating the world how much he loved you. But he knew neither he or you was ready to deal with the teasing it’d unleash, and even if you were ready, he wanted to do it together, not because it was tortured out of him.

“Man, he’s more ticklish than my kids” Clint laughed as he squeezed Loki’s left ribs.

“Oh, I was just going to say that” Tony laughed, but I squeezing Loki’s lower stomach. “He’s a lot feistier though, Morgan would already be in a giggle fit if I tickled here, below her belly button.”

“Yeah, but your kids don’t have an ego to protect” Natasha laughed as she wiggled her fingers along Loki’s right armpit.

Banner was a lot nicer in the sense that he wasn’t teasing him, but the constant squeezes above his kneecap had Loki twitching.

“I think he’s gonna explode” Steve chuckled as he poked and scribbled along Loki’s side. “This could all be over if you just admit you are seeing a certain someone we all know you are dating.”

“WE AHAHAHAHA- WE AREN’T!” Loki laughed. “I SWEAR! LET ME GO YOU BUNCH OF- NOHOHOHOHO! NOT THERE! NOHOHOHOHO! STOP!”

Now Loki’s face was a dark shade of red and he was laughing his head off. It made everyone freeze a little. He was squirming as if he was being exorcised.

“Woah! He’s losing it!” Steve jumped. “Who did that?”

“That would be me” Thor smiled innocently.

Everyone moved his hands to reveal Thor contorting his arms in a rather uncomfortable manner although very effective position where he kept Loki’s arms raised and stuck in a Y as he was now drilling his fingers against the spot little crevice at the bottom of each armpit, and right where the armpit met the upper ribs. And Loki was going crazy.

And rather than showing him any sort of mercy everyone else resumed their tickle attacks.

“Dammit Thor, you mean defeating your little brother could have been this easy?” Clint laughed. “We could’ve spared us all of his New York invasion! We could’ve just tickled Loki until him pissed himself!”

Gods no, if at this point they were now friends —or at least, had a cordial relationship— and they were about to tickle him to death he might have actually died if they pulled a stunt like this when they were, in fact, trying to kill him. Tears of laughter were already streaming down his face like a river and his stomach ached from the overexertion.

But Loki still refused to betray your trust. There was only one other option left for him: swallow his pride.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEASE! OH GODS PLEASE, I CAN’T HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I YIELD! PLEASE! PLEASE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Oh, the things he did for love. They wouldn’t let him forget it, but he felt his stomach was gonna explode if he wasn’t allowed to catch his breath.

“Oh, begging? Okay, I think he might be serious” Steve laughed.

“I AM! PLEASE! HAHAHAHAHA! THOR PLEASE!” Loki begged, and uttered the words he hated telling Thor the most. But the words that always made him stop: “YOU WIN, BROTHER! STOP!”

Now Thor knew Loki was serious, and he let go of his arms, thankfully everyone else followed, sparing the God of Mischief from the horrid of fate of die laughing. Loki immediately curled up in a ball, he coughing and panting, desperately trying to catch his breath.

Everyone was giggling around him, all completely unaware that you had been around the corner, and you had watched the whole thing.

Days later, you two had the house for yourselves and decided to put a movie Loki would like and sat on the couch to cuddle during the evening, enjoying each other’s warmth. He admitted that just staying home in baggy clothes and have your arms around each other for hours and hours. And the green sweatshirt you got him was extremely comfortable.

Although as usual, the movie was quickly ignored in favor of kissing each other. You were the sweetest kisser he had the blessing to encounter, you kissed him and caressed him with a love he had never met, you always either cupped his face, played with his hair or caressed his body, but you always sent him into a sensorial state of bliss.

You were such a lovely thing.

“Mmm, you choose such good movies” Loki joked and chuckled with his lips against yours. “So engaging…”

“Oh, haha— funny…” you giggled and rolled your eyes.

He looked at you with a self-satisfied grin as you looked annoyed.

“Oh, c’mon darling, I love you…” he smiled.

“You swear, baby?” you said in a tone that made Loki tilt his head, knowing you were trying to say something.

“What do you mean, love?” he asked.

You smiled and placed your hand on his sides, making him jolt.

“A-Ah… Darling… W-What are you doing?” he asked with a nervous smile.

“I may have learned something about my lovely prince the other day…” you said flirtatiously. “Something fun~”

“Oh, i-is that so?” he smiled nervously, already having a good idea of what was this discovery of yours. “I-I don’t like the sound of that…”

“Oh, c’mon, honey… please!” you wrapped your arms around him in a happy hug. “Please let me tickle you… Everyone got to tickle you. I want my turn!”

Oh, so he was right. He felt a sense of dread and mild panic. He still hadn’t mentally recover from the group attack from the other day…

“Your turn?!” Loki gasped out, and panicked at the sight of your determination to tickle him. “N-No… Darling… Please no, honey… Please, I’m awfully ticklish… I—”

You smile widened from ear to ear from excitement. Loki realized that he was burying his own grave, as the more he argued, the more you wanted to tickle him. He sighed.

“Is there something I could do to convince you to not tickle me?” he said with a pleading expression.

“Not at all” you smiled in that way that brought gods —specifically, this god— to his knees.

He accepted defeat like a gentleman.

“Alright…” he smiled and rested his hands behind his neck, letting himself vulnerable for you. “But when I say stop, you stop. Deal? I mean it when I say I’m very ticklish, and you could get hurt, I can’t control my magic when I get overwhelmed.”

“Ooh, a safe-word already? So naughty” you giggled, making his cheeks flush and groan.

“Just get it over with…” he sighed, finding a weird tingle on his belly. A bit of excitement, perhaps.

You nodded and sneaked your fingers with ease under his hoodie, and it was baggy enough to provide no hinderance to your fingers. Wearing a tank top wasn’t the greatest idea in retrospect. He let out a few giggles already.

“Oh norns…” he chuckled and sucked in a gust of air to keep his composure when you gently brushed along his sides.

Despite he being completely free to move, and you were only one person… he was struggling not to burst out laughing more than when he was teamed up against. Perhaps it was the clothing, or the fact that you made him way more nervous than anyone else in the world. But he was already letting out a few giggles.

“Ehehehehe… D-Darling… Please!”

You were utterly delighted. Loki was the cutest thing in your eyes, and being able to make him giggle like that was a treasure.

“Ohohoho gods! Love please, gohoho eheheheasy on mehehehe!” he laughed. “I cahahan’t stand it!”

You smiled in adoration and ran your fingers along his lower belly, gently gracing along his waistline and he placed a hand over his mouth and looked away to get away from you, too flustered to look you in the eye. He was the strong and mighty God of Mischief… How could you render him so helpless?

“Hahahaha! Pffft! Ack—!”

Oh, but you cruel thing, you quickly took advantage of his raised arm to tickle his armpit making both arms shot down to his sides in a louder giggle fit. He still was afraid to try fighting back, but his body started responding on it’s own and his hands shot to your wrists. But he quickly got nervous. He had severely underestimated how badly he weakened when he was tickled and your superhuman strength. Curse you, mutants.

“Nohohoho! Oh, nohohohoho! Stohohohop that! Lohohohohove!” he laughed as tears formed on the corners of his eyes.

All he could do was throw his head back and laugh against the couch as you laid on stop of him tickling him out of his mind.

Surprisingly he didn’t mind it too much. He found himself liking the attention.

“Hehehehe! Dahaharling! P-Plehehehehease! Please! No mohohohohore! Love, mehehercy!” he laughed weakly.

You giggled and stopped tickling him.

“Are you okay, pretty boy?” you giggled and leaned to kiss the tip of his nose, which made him smile.

“Hehehe… heh… Oh, love, you’re vicious… hahaha…” he chuckled. “That was the worst torture I’ve endured in all of my life… haha…”

“C’mon, you loved it” you smiled and kissed him.

It felt lovely the way Loki smiled into the kiss, even delighting you with a nice buzzing with the way he laughed into your lips. He simply irradiated happiness, and it was contagious.

“Whahat’s so funny?” you asked with a giggle.

“Nothing, nothing…” he smiled brightly and let out a loud contented sigh. “This is just perfection… I love you.”

“Aww…!” you cooed and hugged him tight. “I love you too, you ticklish cutie pie!”

Loki’s face turned red and groaned, and cringing at the overly sweet pet name. And you knew it and openly did it to get him flustered, even adding a tooth rotting coo to your tone that got him super embarrassed.

“I-I’m not a…!” he smiled, a bit flustered.

“Yes, you are!” you giggled and started tickling him again.

“AHH! Hahahahaha! Let me go! Hahaha!” he laughed as he tried to push your hands away without risking to hurt you if he grabbed your hands. He even kicked against the armrest where his feet had been resting. He was “I cahahahan’t- I surrender! Hahahaha!”

“Hehehehe!” you giggle. “You’re a sweetheart…”

“Yeah, I… yeah, I alright, you win…” he chuckled and nuzzled your nose in the sweetest Eskimo kiss. “You’re gorgeous.”

You smiled and wrapped your arms around him, hugging him in a nice hug with your chest pressed against his as he held you and let out a big yawn.

“Sleepy?” you smiled softly and kissed his cheek and he looked at you with droopy eyes.

“It’s your fault… you tickle me too much,” he yawned again. “…it’s only natural I get sleepy after you tickle me halfway to insanity.”

“You love it..” you smiled and snuggled and fell asleep within seconds.

Loki smiled as his hand stopped glowing from the sleeping spell and saw your relaxed form as you rested against his chest. He yawned, and relaxed more now that you’d stay and nap with him.

“I do love it…” he smiled and kissed the top of your head he smiled and saw the little grin on your face as you slept with me. He sighed and soon drifted off to sleep in a nice and peaceful slumber as he left his hands on the small of your back.

He slept for so many hours, so peaceful and content. He was in such a deep sleep that he didn’t notice when a few set of footsteps walking to the couch where you two slept.

“See? I told you they were dating” Steve whispered.

“I never said I disagreed!” Thor yell-whispered. “I know my brother enough to know when he’s infatuated.”

“Can you two shut up?!” Clint shushed them both, and as he pulled out his phone to take pictures. “This is gonna be excellent blackmail!”

“You gotta send them to me!” Tony demanded.

“C’mon guys…” Natasha reasoned with an endeared smile. “It’s kinda cute, they look so happy together. Look at those smiles…”

All the guys looked at Natasha in disbelief, even Banner looked shocked.

“Do you want the photos or not?” Clint asked.

“Oh no, of course I do…” she smiled. “Send it to me.”

Now the backlash of hiding your relationship would be a truly aggravating situation.

| MASTERPOST |

[spicy-pears]

𝕯𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖆𝖉 𝖒𝖆𝖓

warnings: forceful smut.breeding/impregnation.stalking.biting??(okay he may have tried to eat you). sexual vulgarity.over stimulation.branding.torture?

Pairing: Johnny slaughter x Female reader. [Sorry Leland lovers, maybe sometime this spooky season]

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨: 1-𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒚. 2-𝑯𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑹𝒖𝒍𝒆𝒔. 3-𝑬𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒆𝒔.[WIP].4-𝑫𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍'𝒔 𝑭𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚 [WIP].

Word count: 3k

[Thanks for stopping by! This is my very first smut post. So all likes and critique are truly appreciated❣️]

𝙹𝙾𝙷𝙽𝙽𝚈'𝚂 𝙿𝙾𝚅

"Good night! Or should I say good morning, Austin Texas! It's officially 12:00 am. August 29. We got some good news for you guys tonight-" the radio turned off abruptly with the rough turn of the dial, causing it to harshly click. The car became eerily silent, And time began to stand still. Johnnys gloved hand tightly gripped his steering wheel. head held down deep in thought, while his jaw began to clench. His tense body showed a man deep in battle with himself. His sharp inhales and deep rumbling exhales, reminiscent of a hungry animal or beast. His mind slowly being engulfed with a fuzzy, static, ringing sound. A sound that drowned everything else out, a sound that let him know he needed to hunt.

His dark eyes studied the blood-stained cloth, firmly held in his right hand. He tried his best to settle the unrest inside his mind and body. But finally gave into his loud flagrant desires. Bringing the cloth to his face, he took in the distinct scent of his new obsession. The hint of your natural sweetness, the lingering smell of your perfume, and the distinct copper signature of your blood. All of this together brought him into a high, causing his needy cock to harden and throb. his eyes grew endlessly dark with hunger. His breath now in the rhythm of a heated pant as he pulled away from the cloth.

After maria, he made sure to be careful. He didn't take you home right away, he wasn't going to lose another. He waited and played his cards right. By dating your hopeless friend, getting closer to you without notice. He managed to snag your beloved charm bracelet, a photo of your beautiful doe eyes and sweet smile, and now your blood. Unfortunately collecting and waiting was over. You were now in a perfect position for him. And he surely didn't give a damn about your loving fiancé. There you stood, in the dark. Your eyes dashing to see the source of each unexpected sound. While you held your bleeding hand waiting and waiting for your friends. They won't be back any time soon, he made sure of it.

AUGUST 29, 1988 TIME: 12:30 AM

The humid Texas air was slowly getting to you. You started to feel the time flying by. And with the passing moments, the texas night heat only grew stronger. Letting out an anxious huff, you battled with your better senses. You know you should sit still and wait for the girls to come back. But you felt uneasy, as the men coming into the bar had a open view of you. They gawked, whistled, and even took second and third glances while walking by. You began to feel like a rabbit in an open field. While Ignoring the male bar goers as best as you can. You noticed a figure standing 10 feet from you, gaining your full attention. It stood in the back alley of the bar, where the light didn't reach. You couldn't tell who it was or what they were doing, but after you stared for a little while longer. The figure titled its head mockingly. letting you know this wasn't delusion or Texas heat, this was reality.

You tried to swallow down the fear bubbling up, but your dry throat made it impossible. Your hand began to tremble lightly. You knew the hotel was a block and a half away,if you ran. You could try to page someone, but your pager was in friend's missing bag. As you quickly cycled through your mind, you felt hope wash over you. Your fiancé always gave you a switch blade for outings, which you thankfully kept this time. Frantically you began to search for it, feeling on its holster that wrapped around your thigh. Suddenly you heard it, "switch!", your knife being flicked open. Your eyes slowly looked up with dread,watching the figure waving at you with your knife in hand.

Then it all clicked, the only person close enough to take it, was johnny. Refusing to let him get you easy, you nodded at his shadowy figure. And without wasting a second you turned around and took off for the hotel. Last you saw of him; he took off stalking into the wooded area amongst the trees. While you decided to run down the clear sidewalk under the streetlights. You didn't scream, you didn't cry, you saved your energy for running. Your legs felt heavy, feet started to feel numb, and your chest ached from it pounding with each stride. You felt safe following the streetlights and sidewalk, until there were no more. Before you faced the wooded area of a park, an area with no trail, no railing, and no intention of life traversing. You knew by cutting through the park. The hotel would be closer for you to reach.

Hearing branches snap, dry leaves shuffle, and rustling bushes drawing near. you cared nothing for the concept of caution and ran into the wooded area.

If only you were more cautious.

Realizing pretty quickly the area you bravely ran into, turned into a downwards slope. You carefully tried slowly traversing down the slope sideways. Regardless of how careful you were, all footing was quickly lost. under the soft, muddy leaves, and dew-covered grass. With no control of your body, you began to slide down quickly into a full body tumble. Plunging down the slope, for what you felt was 8 feet from the ground. Your back finally collided hard with a tree at the bottom of the uneven slope. The forceful collision caused an audible coughing fit from the pain and exhaustion of your lungs.

"Tsk, what a damn shame... here I thought you were a tough one. I must admit you put up a good effort. None of the other girls ran as fast nor far as you did. Oh! I assure you!" Johnny would crouch down next to his prey and chuckled at your pain. While you laid there pathetically, he took out his harvesting blade. And with a quick snap of his wrist your dress came clean off. Leaving you bare to him and the low rolling night breeze. "You know, I thought your fiancé would have been somewhat smart. Being a cop and all...obviously not a good one. I was on your trail, during every little moment of your trip." His taunts continued. Quickly and clumsily, you tried to collect your tattered dress. Your effort proved to be of little use, with the shredded mess. "Hell, I think I know more about you than he does. Born in New Orleans green eyes like your mother, but sure do have your fathers' spirit." He got up following close as you writhed in pain. Pathetically crawling away from him, attempting to hide your naked frame from his gaze. He observed how weak you became, relying on all of strength left in your fingertips and arms. Johnny cruelly pressed his foot against your injured and bruised back. Stopping all pathetic attempts then and there.

While you laid there it became painfully clear, that you were dealing with a psychopath. A handsome face, scars excused as the marks of a hard-working farm hand. Staring you excused as shyness, every red flag you foolishly excused for your friend's happiness. Realizing what he was, you devised your survival plan. They say killers hate rejection.so you'll accept every kiss,every touch, even fall in love if needed be; you were going to live.

He suddenly took his foot off your back, his footsteps growing faint, yet petrifingly close. Snatching this opportune time, you continued to crawl away. He watched you from afar, with a assumed expression. Spending your time crawling to nowhere, johnny patiently bided his time. For the warm orange flame flickering under his eyes, was just picking up. So caught up in your hopeful efforts, and devising your plan. you missed the lingering trail of smoke. You carelessly disregarded every firey sign of inpending torture, and you were going to pay for it dearly.

"oh no? leaving already?" johnny's tone was filled with mocking empathy. No matter how hard you tried, your effort didn't get you far. With a few steps, Johhny was above you again. Once again his smothering foot met your back. leaning down, he purposely put his weight onto your weak back. "Boy, aren't you a sweet sight? I'd hate for you to run off one day, but if you do. let's make sure a kind soul can bring you back home.". His words were purposely vague, he could feel the confusion swirling and sinking heavy in your stomach. In his hand held a brass "J" branding iron, that your poor eyes didnt notice.

A harsh stinging slap to your ass, caused your body to jolt forward under Johhny's boot. your teeth gritted in pain, as it eased into a stressed exhale. only a second of peace was given to you, before your eyes widen with hot tears. Burning heat plunged into the flesh of your hip, seeping down to the bone. As the sensation raised up to your chest, your mouth opened to let out a shrill agonizing scream. before it could ring through the night air, Johnny's hand met your mouth. Quickly choking out your heart-rendering cries. Over stimulated with pain, your body begged for rest. He smirked as your body fell limp, your chest softly heaving with shock.

What have you done to earn this nightmare? you were raised as a church girl. Maybe you partied a bit too hard to be considered devout. But you were still a virgin, attended every sunday service, and treated everyone with love. How were you now prey to the, "bad man" Infront of you?. In your fog, you yearned to look into the eyes of the man towering before you. The night sky and lazy clouds swallowed all light, not a single star nor the moon was shining for you. Deep down without making out his face, you just knew johnny was grinning with hunger. "Hey there! "He suddenly come face to face with you. His hands firmly grasping your wrists. You saw his face clear as day now. The sadistic yet playful smile on his face, coupled with the gentle caressing of your cheek. Brought to you a uneasy sense of comfort.

"Don't cry sweetheart, ill try to make this quick." He closely observed your eyes, for any signs of opposition. you never seen a man nor animal, With such endlessly devoid eyes in your life. Johnny chuckled at your mindless deer in head lights expression. He brought his thumb to you bottom lip, feeling the delicate plush of it. Soft grazes became harsh once he grasped your chin, yanking your head up to his attention. His thumb no longer gently tracing, it now pressed hard against your lip in a rough pinch. Suddenly your haze lifted, you began to realize your position. Your head moving around, taking in your helpless environment.

Your frantic display of fear brought out a deep groan of pleasure out of johnny. The groan trailed off into a deep sadistic chuckle. That almost drowned out the soft bell like sounds of his unbuckling belt. A growl rumbled deep from his chest down to your stomach. He perched himself on your mid-section to stop any attempt of escape, encasing your small frame between his knees. With each squirm you caused his body to rock and grind against you. lighting would strike you down, if you said you didn't like his hard length throbbing against your skin. "Look, look at me!" He snapped at you. Your frightened efforts to not look at him, Slowly wore down his patience. His right hand which held your wrists together. Forced them above your head, he hadn't yet forgotten your wounded hand.

Maliciously his fingertips applied pressure on the fresh cut, the feeling made you swear his fingers were deep in your wound. which made your skin began to crawl with disgust. The Increasing pain caused you to cry out and arch back, in an attempt to get his weight off of you. He allowed you to arch your body, he reveled in how you moved for him. "Oh? Needy, aren't you? For a devout little church girl." He relished in teasing you, while his now bloodied fingertips traveled up your thigh. Finding purchase between your legs. Fingertips running up your thoroughly soaked panties, teasing your covered slit. Although his fingers were now coated in your sweet juice, He desired more from you. Suddenly, johnny's head become lost between your legs. He'd use is teeth to delicately pull your panties to the side, giving his fingertips free range to slowly push into your tight gummy entrance. He made sure to leave a intense fluttering sensation coursing up your spine. He leaned up to you, as you let out a soft moan. He parted his lips as yours did, letting out a pleased groan of his own. He took a moment to relish in your shameless state. Before grabbing the soaked lace mess and greedily ripping it off with little to no effort.

Your eyes widened as you tried to close your legs, hiding yourself as best as you could. "Oh sweetheart, don't tell me you don't want me to fuck you? With how wet you are?" His bare calloused hands gripped your thighs bruisingly tight, no longer caring what you do with your hands. Impatiently yanking your body down to meet his hips. His length throbbing against your pussy, as it radiated your heat covering his shaft with your slick. "I hate to tell you, but I have to fuck you now, since you begged and all" before you could even plea for him to stop or fight back. The air was taken out of your lungs, as you moaned out. Hot tears welled in your eyes. He pulled you down forcefully flush onto his cock, not caring you were unexperienced.

You watched his wild ravenous grin, as the strength of his hips made each thrust deeper and rougher than the last. He loved watching the tears roll from your eyes. Mesmerized by your moaning lips begging for his kiss. Johnny figured he'd give you this one kindness. Your soft moans would be choked out from you, as his large hand gripped your neck firmly. Bringing your needy lips to his, he gave you the passionate kiss you oh so desired. You found yourself running your fingers through his hair, which he hated. He began to smirk through the kiss and rewarded you with a keen vengeful bite to your bottom lip.

Your sweet blood, lingered on his tongue like liquor. Bringing him to a high, his thrusts grew needy and cruel. He lost himself, in the taste of you. Once he broke the kiss, you looked on at his shark like eyes in horror. Before you knew it, his hungry lips now wandered to your shoulder. A radiating source of your intoxicating perfume. Soft Fuzzy static began over take his mind, he knew what he wanted. And couldn't control his primal instincts. His body tensed, his muscles flexed and hardened, face buried deep into your neck hiding his internal struggle. He'd let out a animalistic grunt, a hopeless warning for you. A blood chilling scream rang from your weak throat. Johnny hungrily sunk teeth deep into your flesh. His mind now completely flooded with the roaring static. hearing your cries and french curses, faintly in the back of his mind.

"Fuuck!" johnny pulled himself out of his haze, his gaze darting to his left hand. Realizing he unknowingly took his knife out during the fog. Begrudgingly, he pushed his knife away from your body. Resisting the strong urge to kill you, atleast not yet. Instead he began to take in the sight of you. A broken mess, panting like a well fucked whore. He'd steady his position with his hand besides your head, now resting his weight on his arm. A frustrated whine echoed from your chest, demanding release. He felt your tight little pussy clench around him, your body ready to cum without his permission. His eyes glared deep into yours, his thrusts now mercilessly deep. greeting the very depths of you, abusing your cervix with his controlling strength. "You tight greedy whore-" He grunted, as you defiantly closed your thighs. Johnny smirked and decided not to go easy anymore. he pressed your thighs back against your chest. Thrusts bottoming out, as your core now ached against the girth of his length.

"J-...Johnny!" With the needy moan of his name. You finally broke, cumming on his thick punishing length. You began to tremble, as the wave rode through your body. You sweet inexperienced doll, you thought once you came it was over, not just yet. you began to stare down at the mess of your bodies, you watched as his cock stroked in and out of your gushing mess of a pussy. Mercilessly pumping out your cream, while your aching pussy wrapped around tight. carelessly you dared to drag your fingertips down his sweat covered torso, down to the base of his working cock. Luckily, he was too high off the feeling of his rushing edge, to punish your touch. His body pressed heavily on yours, he savored each sound your crying, messy body made. His body soon raised up again, his leaning head back getting a full view of you. Eyes sitting low, while his tounge wolfishly licked the dried blood off his smirking lips. You felt his fingertips digging deep into the plush of your ass. Which gave into his wake, bloody scratches and crescents from his nails adorning your ass.

"Take it! Take it!" His voice dripped with a carnal venom. His pace now sloppy against the twitch of his cock. Each twitch reminded him of how defiantly tight you were, not allowing him to stretch you even a centimeter more without a challenge. With a satisfied deep hiss, he claimed you. Filling your assaulted cunt with his hot thick seed. You panted with relief , Your body lightly trembled with each breath you took, until your nerves eased for him.

"Oh? sweet as a kitten now, aren't you?" he lazily pulled his satisfied cock out of you. He chuckled at your sweet face, before turning his attention to fixing himself up. Somewhere you found the strength to pull yourself up, weakly sitting on your tired knees. You began to admire the shape of his face, eyes tracing each scar, your chest fluttered at the mere presence of him. He didn't know what he was going to do with you, let alone a child. But that was the price to pay, he planned on selfishly keeping you as long as he could. His strong arms, carefully wrapped around your chest. Pulling you into his arms, practically cradling you like a feral kitten. "It's time to bring my prized catch home."

CHAPTER 1 END

Chapter 2 preview:

"Do you remember?"

Your eyes fluttered open, to the familiar melody. The upbeat romantic song that played during your wedding, bringing you a warm feeling of safety. The safety you cherished when you were finally found,finally free. But it was strange, your lazy eyes caught the time. 3:15 am, why would he play this so late?

"Do you remember how it all began?"

You remember your husband's disappointed confusion at his broken record player. Which now played eerily off key, deep and slow. Why would he play music on it now? Lazily your feet shuffled against the carpet. And unexpectedly met the soft rattle of your son's comfort blanket. Now Perplexed, you examined the small bat covered blanket. Abruptly, the flashing blue and white lights of your TV caught your full attention.

"I bet you remember, I bet you remember"

You felt the fear on your fingertips, as they glided against the wooden stair railing. Holding your breath, in a attempt to stop your heart from beating so violently. With each braved stair, your skin crawled with a stabbing chill that only increased. Untill you stopped half way, there he was. Your baby boy, being held by a shadowy stranger.

"Da-da!" The sweet babble from your baby boy, brought you so much dread. He could never piece his babbles into a clear "Pa-pa" or "Da-da", To your husband's dismay. But now sitting on the knee of a stranger, he joyfully rang out his new found word

The stranger leaned down, playfully shaking a teddy bear. While the baby sucked on his knuckles feeling truly entertained. Dark eyes slowly cut from him to you.

"Does mama remember me?" You knew that build, those eyes, and that damned intoxicating southern twang. With no more stairs to stall the inevitable, you now stood in Johnny's open veiw. You watched the corners of his mouth, curl into his signature devilish grin."Well, Hey there sweetheart!"

"Do you remember the time, when we first fell in love?"

[tinkerbelle05]

Pavitr x fem reader PRETTY PLEASEE 🥺

Options:

- When your out with him, and alot of men are staring ( Jealous HEADCANONS )

- Angst

- Fluff

- How he is when your sick.

Why did you leave me?

Characters: Pavitr Prabhakar x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: After some months of dating Pavitr, he wants to break up with you but he wouldn’t tell you why. (Requested) Thanks for the request darling 💕

Warning: Heartbreak, sad times y’all

Jaanu = Beloved

You noticed something was off about Pavitr. The change was almost overnight. Like one day, he’s his usual cheerful and touchy self and now, he can barely look you in the eye and he can’t even hold your hand. The conversations, if there are any, are short and stifled. It’s like he’s walking on eggshells around you.

It made you feel conflicted. On one hand, you felt jaded, silted, vexed. Like every negative emotion manifested in you whenever he ignored you, whenever the 3 am 5 hour calls turned into 10-20 minutes, whenever he pulled away. It made you want to scream and shake him.

But a part of you was worried for him. Something was off with him but he wouldn’t tell you. He wouldn’t tell anyone. And it’s hurting him.

“Hey Pav,” you greeted him and smiled. It was a free period during school so you were just walking the walls.

He gave you a bright smile, “Hey, how’s your day going?”

You two engaged in casual conversation and for a minute it was like the old days but there was something off about Pavitr. His laughs weren’t the same and not once has he hugged you longer for than 30 seconds. This is the same guy that can’t go without 5 minutes holding your hand or even just idly playing with your fingers

You leaned against a wall and took a breath, “Pav, is there something wrong?”

He stopped mid sentence and looked at you with wide eyes and he froze for a moment. Then his face fell, it crumbled like sand. But for a moment, just a moment. You blinked and his smile was back in its place. But it’s manufactured and fake.

So obviously fake.

You stepped closer to him and held his face softly. You ran your fingers up and down his cheek in a soothing manner and touched your foreheads together. You spoke low and slow so he’s the only one that could hear.

“Pav, you can tell me what’s bothering you. I will not judge you for it, promise.” You told him and meant every word. You desperately hoped he knew you meant every word.

He sighed deep and long, his eyes closed, and all he could mumble were a string of sorrys. Confused by it you held him close and rested his head in the nook between your neck and head.

The next day he broke it off with you.

It was short, he came to your apartment, saying that he wanted to talk. You knew something was off when he didn’t walk right past you to chat with your mom. When he didn’t tickle your little sister. When he didn’t waltz into your room and lounge on your bed like it was his.

It was two words and he left.

“We’re done.” And his back was turned to you as he walked away.

It was simple and cruel. 4 years of laughing, smiling, kissing, hugging. Gone in less than 5 minutes. You didn’t know how to react. To cry, laugh, chase him down to throw something at him.

You wordlessly walked to the roof to your building using the railing from your bedroom window. You ignored the questioning glances of your family.

Leaning against the railing you looked at the city. It’s night time but there’s no difference in the amount of sounds or lights. It wasn’t quiet by any means but it was calming to you. People talking, motorcycles revving up, and taxis honking helped distract you from your breakup.

You still couldn't make sense of it. You knew that things were rough between you two but you thought you got to him yesterday.

He put his head on your shoulder! He was fine with you holding him! So why...why?

Um, hi…” you heard a voice and whooshed. You turned around to see that it was Spiderman. Technically Pavitr as Spiderman. But it was still him. The boy that you loved but broke your heart anyway.

You violently turned back around and yelled at him, “Go away! I don’t want to see you right now.”

You were beyond angry. You were livid, enraged, bitter. You didn’t have the words to describe what you were feeling, what you were thinking. You wanted to scream at him, to ask him why, to cry into his arms.

“Just…just let me explain,” he told you and walked to get closer but you backed away from him.

“You couldn’t have explained it as Pavitr! You had to go and get dressed up in your costume to explain why you broke my heart!” You screamed at him, with every word your voice getting louder and louder.

You both stood inches apart from one another. You could not tell what facial expression he had on, whether he was glaring at you, crying with you, or smirking.

You did not want to believe that Pavitr was enjoying your pain but you clearly didn’t know him as well as you thought you did. The boy you loved wouldn't leave you like that.

You reached to take the mask off of his face. You wanted to see him.

“Why?” Was all you asked of him.

He took the mask from your hands and sighed deeply. “I just wanted to protect you. As Spiderman, I have a lot of enemies. I just wanted to protect you, that’s all.”

You stared at him as he’s telling you this. Both of you had these kinds of concerns when he first told you. What if a villain tracked you down, used you as leverage, etc, etc.

“But we have protocols in place in case something like that happens. Pav, is there something else? Because you've been off all week.”

“No, no nothing else. I just thought that this is for the best. I just want to keep you safe from all of this,” he responded.

“Pav, I know you. I know when you are lying to me. You are lying!” You argued back at him. This was frustrating. This was so frustrating. You knew he was lying about something. You knew it. You know him.

Through your tears, you watched as Pavtir put the mask on. “Jaanu, I'm not lying to you. I love you, I always have and always will. And because I love you, I have to leave.”

“But this is not love, Pavitr! If you love me like you claim you do then, you would tell me what it is. You will not be vague about it and you will not shut me out! You will not break up with someone that you’ve been with for 4 years with no explanation and then just leave them at their doorstep. You will not!” You snapped at him.

The tears were running, staining your attempt at eyeliner, and your voice was strained from the constant yelling. And now you're just tired. This was getting nowhere.

You turn to the exit, “Okay, Pavitr. If you want to lie to my face then fine. Goodbye.”

But before you could leave, you sensed him still. Waiting. For what? You didn't know. A part of you hoped that this is where he’ll finally tell you. He’ll tell you everything. But the longer you stood there waiting, the more you realized that this was truly happening.

You marched up to him and slapped him. It was loud but not painful because as much as you hated him, you couldn't truly hurt him. But you wanted him to feel a fraction of what he put you through.

Tags: @pavitrgf, @ellatienesuscosas, @justbeethings, @jam-skullz, @hoeboat101, @butterfi, @dreamxcollide, @sleepdeprivationis4coolkids, @maypersonne, @somber-starz, @hoeboat101, @rosebunny, @midnight-the-shadow-wolf, @mur-docs, @shibble, @eight-cats-in-a-box, @emgavi, @sawi-06, @707xn, @niktwazny303, @nagi3seastorm, @ghostsimp000, @cloudstrifefantatic, @vixqn, @yourtsahik, @angelzira, @im-jisoo-im-okay, @andhdi68a, @itstooearly-its3am, @universallypeanutpizzapersona, @avatarl0v3r, @randomhoex, @nerdyparker616, @1uvvmi, @centipider, @keawio, @ellatienesuscosas, @skullux, @luci1fer, @minimari415, @m4rihrts, @baddiebehaviourxx, @jell0buss-37, @laylasbunbunny

Taglist & Masterlist & Reqs Info

Reqs are open!!

[meion]

i need to bitch about my HOA or im going to freakig lose it

this isn't even what prompted this post, but last week we were informed each unit is being charged $10k for roof repairs, due in full July 1st... I now understand special assessment fees are necessary sometimes, but they are offering NO payment plan options which feels insane. The response given by the HOA on that was "umm sorry u can call the city to see if they have any financial aid options" -_-

Also back in december they admitted to losing 300k in reserve funds cause a board member let their account go inactive lol

im over the shock of that by now ig, but whats REALLY pissing me off requires some background sorry this is long

i posted about this some in the past, but since I moved here I've had repeated issues with a neighbor parking in my spot. I would say it's a bit more egregious than normal, cause i need a wheelchair (stored in garage) to get around outside of my home, so i'm literally trapped if his car is there. Several times I've not been able to leave for errands when I need, or I return home and i can't get my wheelchair back in

here's an old diagram i made to visualize it better:

it took a bit to find out who the owner of the car was, but this guy has been FULLY informed of how this impacts me, multiple times by written note and in person. Doesn't give a shit, he just stops for a little bit then starts doing it again. HOA won't do anything because they take too long to respond and the car is gone by then. This has been happening on-and-off for over 3 years

A few months ago I just started putting a traffic cone in my spot, and that surprisingly stopped him. i can finally stop worrying about it n_n

so anyway last night i got a violation notice for 'improperly stored belongings'. they sent me a little picture of the cone in my driveway. i went fucking ballistic lol its so hard to get me that mad. i hope they eat shit. ok i have to write a civil email to them now contesting the violation

----------------

Some additional bizarre fucking details about the parking situation i can't make sense of:

The car that parks there regularly changes, maybe every few months? This leads me to be like... oh i'm not 100% its him this time, maybe it's not fair to tow them? (it is him every time)

A police officer came once, they didn't help ofc lol but they ran the plates and told me the car was registered to a senior woman? (neighbor is like a 30 something dude)

Since I put the cone in, my gf has observed this guy parking in other neighbor's spots and also BACKING OUT OF A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NEIGHBOR'S GARAGE (how???)

Not related to parking, but the neighbor frequently has people come to his door at weird hours (3-4 am) and knock HARD for like 10 minutes straight. i gotta assume hes dealing drugs or something. i don't care but the knocking is annoying if im in the front room lol

[melodygatesauthor]

Weekly Update

07/30/2023

Announcements

- I’m writing an original fiction novel -

You read that right! I’m writing an original fiction called Lock & Key, and I’m taking all of you along my journey as I go through the process. I’m so excited to get started actually writing it soon (once I have a bit more of the outline finished) and I’ll be posting all updates on @lockandkeynovel!

This is a big project, and it’s going to take some time, but I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for all of you and your support. You all mean the world to me!

- No more requests -

I have 3 more requests left in my inbox, and once those are done that’s it for now. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be in a position to take requests again or not. My WIP list is a mile long, and right now (summer) is a VERY busy time for both of my jobs. I’m lucky if I get one day off a week. All this to say, it’s not feasible for me to continue taking requests when I can’t even handle the fics I have currently in the works. In fact, those 3 are folks who requested back at the end of APRIL, so…yeah…

I’m not saying I’ll never do requests again, it’s just not realistic right now. There will still be follower celebrations and birthday events and things like that in which I may take limited requests, but as far as the regular ones go, I gotta stop taking them for now.

Fic Updates

Disclaimer - I never know which way the winds of inspiration will blow. Timeframes aren’t a promise/guarantee, they’re a goal.

Fic Updates Legend:

Blue - Update this week

Pink - Update in progress

Red - Backburner Fic (not currently working on. See WIP list for status)

Chaptered Fic Updates

A Bit Dodgy - We’re back baby! I got chapter 14 hitting a Tumblr dash near you tomorrow at 8am! Thank you all for being patient. I’m hoping to be back to regular Monday updates, but we will see. I’ve worked SO HARD on this fic, along with my good friend @whatthefishh and I would hate to ruin it all by rushing through the ending. I would rather write it well and while inspired, than push through just to say I did it, you know what I mean?

Always Yours, Never Mine - Chapter 3 is on its way. This one had to be put aside while I was on the cruise, but i’m planning to work on it this week. I’m not sure if the update will come out this week or next though! Stay tuned!

The Fractured Moon - Part 3 is coming this week! - So I had a bit of confusion with this one in my own head. Let me explain haha…

I had already planned out the four parts for this fic a long time ago, and I spend hours in canva making the banners for each part. Each part was supposed to be centered around each boy. Part One (All boys) - Part 2 (Steven) - Part 3 (Jake) - Part 4 (Marc). Then I had some other ideas and plans that I wanted to work into the fic but was trying to figure out how I was going to do that without messing with the banners I made, so I planned to do 4 bonus chapters called “These Fractured Knights” all with the boys having their own bonus chapters. However, these chapters are all in line with the timeline of the fic, and it really makes more sense (and is less confusing) to just have them be part of the series normally as parts 3, 4, 5, and 6. (I hope I haven’t lost anyone yet).

That being said, I’m not going to call 4 chapters that fit in line with the story “bonus chapters” just for the sake of the banners I made, that’s my weird mental thing and idk why I do that. Once I’ve planned something, I HATE changing it. So I’m just going to make them fit in line with the fic like normal lol.

So anyway…

Part 3 is coming this week hehe.

Mini-series Updates

Feeling You Can’t Fight - I’m hoping to have a new chapter out this week, but I’m not really sure. This fic was supposed to be finished a month ago and I’m sad that I’m behind on it but I’m working on it!!

All on the backburner for now but will get additional chapters soon:

Not a Doctor - Part 2

Worth the Risk - Part 3

The Good Doctors - New Series

AI Character Bot Updates

I currently have the following bots on my list that I’m working on. If you have any suggestions or additions you’d like, please feel free to ask! I won’t make every single one I get asked for but I’ll make some of them as I get time!

Requests Updates

My 1k Follower Celebration ficlets ARE COMPLETE! - YAY! I AM going to be doing a 2k celebration (I’m like 50 followers away! Woot!), but it won’t include writing requests. I just don’t have time, sorry all! It will consist of games and other fun stuff though! Can’t wait!

I had 2 requests for Nathan Bateman, however I don’t feel overly inspired to write for him. That doesn’t mean I don’t like him, nor does it mean I never will write for him, but I just don’t want to have those requests sitting in my inbox while I figure that out. I still have them written down and I have the people who requested them written down so if I ever feel up to it again I’ll do it, but as of right now I don’t foresee it happening any time in the near future, and I just mentally needed to take it off my plate.

I’ll be working on the other requests between this week and next! I’m hoping to have them all out this week but that’s probably unrealistic lol. Thank you for all being so patient, and I love you!

That’s it for now! I love you all!

[rainparadefromhell]

My thoughts on season 3 of Never Have I Ever

SPOILERS AHEAD !

* author's note : it's long what can you do, i have an obsessive personality

• Things I disliked in no particular order

1. The pacing of this season.

The pacing of this season

The pacing-

I don't know what happened this season but it felt like someone pushed my head into a blender. Many things were so glossed over, I was actually baffled. People kept getting into relationships and breaking up like it was nothing and all sense of direction was lost. Everything felt like a fever dream. Ben and Aneesa break up. She cries one time, kisses Fabiola and now they are in a relationship only for that to not work out and Fabiola gets into another relationship (at this point i forgot Eve existed). No one reacts to anything, things just happen so there is no chance for the viewers to get attached to any new storylines/couples. Just borderline bad writing in terms of pacing.

2. What they've done to Aneesa's character

At the end of the show, the person I felt bad for the most was Aneesa. The writers just would not give her a chance. She wasn't a real character. She barely had any personality beyond being a plot device for multiple characters and getting into meaningless relationships every 5 minutes (the show does have a problem with doing this to all characters tbh). I wanted to know Aneesa better (I hoped for a pov episode) but all I've got was her getting left for another person in not one but TWO relationships? And they made her kinda not even care about it. It just wasn't realistic and I hated it.

3. Des.

Listen, I don't have anything against his character. Because his character doesn't exist. Des got, as well as all the new characters - Aneesa'd. His sole purpose was to give Devi an Indian boyfriend (which is fine). But he was just so.....unnecessary?? I'm sorry but while watching every scene him and Devi shared, I was begging for literally any other character to show up. Same with his two friends (extras) that had about two lines each. His and Devi's relationship, in my opinion would've been just fine as a fling not a real relationship. And it lasted SO. FUCKING. LONG. Why, just why were they wasting time (that could have been given to flesh out old characters) on something everyone and their mother KNEW wouldn't work out or have any meaningful addition to the show. Other things got sidelined, that's why I hated this storyline.

4. And save the worst for last. All of Devi's romantic relationships in s3

Oh God, here we go.

I understand that Devi is a teen girl that just wants to date boys, have fun, be in love. I really do. But as writers, it is the nhie showrunners' job to make this enjoyable for the viewers. And it worked, the past 2 seasons it really did. Team Paxton, team Ben, team Devi.... We've all had something to enjoy. So throwing in another boy - no, two actually (the guitar player she kissed isn't a big part of the show so I don't really care) made me so angry. They've disturbed a sort of a balance between silly/fun the show had with like 3 or 4 love interests all in your face at the same time so they all started to look kinda.... unimportant (except for Ben, but I am biased lol). It looked painfully unrealistic as well.

The show yet again suffered because of its format. you simply can't throw in a bunch of characters in a 30 minute, 10 episode long comedy show and just hope for the best. It felt messy, rushed and fleeting. Like there was no room to breathe, I felt so anxious watching the middle part of the show.

• Things I did like in no particular order

1. The adults' storylines

I found them much more tolerable and cohesive. I am a Nalini stan first and a human second. I just love her. I love watching Poorna be so brilliant in this role. I was thrilled they gave her a friend and quite sad that friend was taken away later on but oh well. Also, possibly my favorite moment in the show was this quote from Nalini : "You are never too much and always enough." This show was the first time I've truly seen my relationship with my own mother represented in a way that isn't black or white and just simple or complicated. For me this scene meant a lot - showing that no matter what may happen, Nalini will always love and support her daughter.

I also liked Kamala's storyline. Tbh I didn't like Prashant all that much. He felt like a more mature Paxton. I'm glad Kamala didn't rush into marriage, especially if it's something she does not want. I really liked the relationship between Kamala and Mr. Kulkarni, I just wish we saw more of them.

2. Trent and Eleanor ??

I totally predicted this!! I said they will be that odd couple that somehow works very well and I was right. They were really entertaining and I'm so glad we get to see more of them.

3. Trent and Paxton ??

I adored Paxton and Trent's friendship. You can tell they love each other in their weird ways. This totally made me like the characters more and I love love LOVE seeing healthy male friendships in media.

4. Paxton

And everybody gasped. (Hell, I gasped, too). Here it comes Paxton/Daxton stans....

I did really like Paxton this season. And he had his moments last season as well, I'll admit that. Is he my favorite character in the show? No. Do I still think he's kinda boring and overrated? Yes. But I did like him. My favorite Paxton moment this season was in the hospital with Ben (as well as his friendship with Ben as a whole). Not only was it very kind of him to stay with Ben and make him feel better, I also loved him admiting he doesn't really know who he is. How incredibly honest of him. I liked that he apologized to all the girls he hurt and that he was friends with Haley again. I also loved him telling Devi she can't love anyone until she loves herself (someone's been reading my posts 👀). He finally started to care about things (school) and even if his storyline is a simple one, it worked. I'm glad he grew as a person. For me, Paxton finally  became a full-fledged character with a unique storyline. It took only 3 seasons but we got there.

5. Benjamin Gross

I could write novels about Ben Gross. I could write about him until my hands hurt and then some more. He is easily one of my, if not my favorite fictional character of all time. He is one of the few characters that, in my opinion, isn't written in an episodic way. Jaren Lewison has this great ability to carry all of Ben's emotions in his pocket and whip out what he needs in a scene with such ease. The character doesn't forget his lessons, he remembers his past feelings and what they taught him which makes him develop and make progress so naturally within the show. Ben Gross isn't just a douche at the beginning of season 1 and a nice guy at the end of season 3. You can see all of his flaws as well as how caring and emotionally intelligent he is at the same time throughout the entire show. I'm so happy he learned to relax and not care as much about grades.

This kinda falls under Ben, but just 3x06 being the best episode (with the finale) for me. I don't know what kind of crack Mindy Kaling puts in the Ben episodes but she gets is right every damn time. Those 4 words being "I'm proud of you" from his dad made me so emotional. I wouldn't want them to be anything or for anyone else. Also I fucking loved Ben being into drawing?? We need more of that.

6. Devi Vishwakumar

My girl. I really liked Devi this season. I loved how they showed she's still grieving. Maitreyi's performance in the scene when Paxton tells her she doesn't love herself yet was so heartbreakingly beautiful. She knew he was right. Also can we talk about the best version of Devi aka post time jump Devi??? I love that girl! You can really tell she matured quite a bit. She's not as hot headed anymore. The only "bad" thing she did was throwing that book or whatever it was in the trash and honestly...? I didn't see how that was such a big deal at all. And the other team kinda cheated, too. Who cares? They're not in a courtroom. I really hope that in season 4 we see her growing even more.

7. The whole gang

One thing I also liked was that everyone was friends with everyone this season. We saw the Paxton-Trent-Eleanor group, Paxton and Ben's friendship, Paxton and Fabiola, Ben-Devi-Fabiola and so on.... I reallllly liked the different dynamics.

8. Ben & Devi

And finally - this is what (some of) you have been waiting for. As you can see the pacing and new characters really messed with how much I loved (or rather didn't) this season. But honestly, now that I had time to think about it, the character development and just the finale really saved the whole season for me. And yes, this includes Ben and Devi. This season we've seen Ben and Devi be mostly, friends. They didn't share many moments until the last few episodes which did frustrate me but that is exactly what made all of them feel so special later on. It was important for them to not spend as much time together then slowly be close friends for the finale we got. I really wasn't expecting it. For all my criticisms about the writing not being the best in some aspects of the show, the writers did such a good job with their storyline and it's safe to say that s3 is my favorite when it comes to them.

Last season we've only seen hints of them pining for each other. This season they were much more honest and comfortable with each other. I cannot stop thinking about how perfectly their little romance was sprinkled over the seasons, with season one's introduction and teasing of their feelings, season two's big conflict and hurt and finally season three's rekindling of feelings and big realizations. None of their storyline felt like sudden big explosions (like with Paxton), just a natural evolution of caring for each other. A sign that it wasn't just a crush (quick and overwhelming) but a first love kind of a situation. Realistic, messy, beautiful, simple. There isn't a doubt in my mind that these two will end up together in some way at the end of season 4. Truly one of my favorite on screen couples all thanks to the brilliant and talented Jaren and Maitreyi.

Overall, I still think the show's best season is season 1. It was almost perfectly set up. However, in terms of characters and our main couple, I have to say season 3 feels the most open, vulnerable and grown up. The last episode felt super special and teased season 4 in which we will see the gang prepare for college. I have huge expectations for season 4 and I really think it could be one of the best ones (best one?), but who knows...

Maybe I'm just a sucker for closures.

Also, I can't believe the finale??? Like they were evil evil for that one, not letting us see what happens! On the other hand I can't be mad bc as a writer that is such a me thing to do. Like, I can totally see myself be that much of an asshole and sadist so I kinda get it. Idk what I will do until s4.

[beautifulsnake2162020]

Beautiful Anomaly (Part 4): Morpheus x FReader

(Gif by missvifdor from this post: Hi ! I am a french — Me: Morpheus I don't see why you are arguing with... (tumblr.com))

Morpheus x FemReader (present day, its a little hard to explain)

A couple of disclaimers:

1.) This is all based on the Netflix show and I have 0 background on the graphic novel it is based on (so don't expect it to be faithful);

2.) This is a fan work, the only benefit I derive from this is sharing it with the community.

And here is Part 4. Thank you to everyone who has been following this story and who has been commenting on all my posts and who has been messaging me (They really make my day). Brief announcement - Part 5 will be posted on the last week of September because a.) my midterms are going to be here soon so I need to focus on that first; and b.) My birthday is on September 30 (So I know people will definitely be awake). Again feel free to comment down below (Why do I sound like a youtuber?)

For those of you who are new. I highly recommend reading the previous parts first because I don't know if you will understand everything without first reading those.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

I made it big so you have no choice but to notice it and I cannot be held liable for you not being warned to read those parts first.

Taglist (if you want to be a part of the taglist just comment requesting so) : @winxschester @true-queen-of-mischief @laydreams @memento-mora @daydreamin1220 @kuchokitty @fate-huntress @igotanidea @mikariell95

"How was your sleep?" You hear Morpheus ask as you take a quick glance at the time showing that it's 4:25 PM and your eyes slowly adjust to the dimly lighted room. Your vision slowly shows Morpheus standing near the doorframe of your small dorm sized bedroom.

"It was energizing. Thank you, Morpheus for that." He gives you a relaxed nod as you stretch out from your bed. You have a hunch that while you were asleep he has briefly returned to the Dreaming to perhaps settle a few things related to his duties and returned to your side the moment he sensed you were about to awaken.

"How was the Dreaming?" His brow twitching up indicated his mild surprise.

"How did you know I returned there?"

"Just a guess, I wasn't entirely sure either. Besides what matters is that you're here again."

"Well I have learned first hand what are the consequences of not listening to you. And it's a mistake that I am actively trying not to repeat." You're glad that you were washing your face right now to freshen up and that Morpheus couldn't see you blush right now. Yet you can't heart can't help but leap at the thought of maybe some hope is not unfounded.

But that was still a mere fantasy, and no matter where this leads you find yourself breathing easier that you and Morpheus were at least talking again.

"And now you will begin learning to actually live. At least in the ordinary human context." You place a thin layer of Maybelline face powder in the shade Nude to counteract the oiliness of your skin. If you weren't feeling lazy you would maybe apply some light eyeshadow to make sure none of the excess oil pouring from your forehead would bother your eyes. But you weren't feeling like it and you were bringing the powder along with the blue oil control film. Besides you weren't dressing up for anything fancy, just formally introducing your daughter to Dream of the Endless. She's already met Death enough times socially in this lifetime to start informally calling her "Aunty".

With one last tug you unbraid your black hair and let it flow out and softly comb only the areas near your scalp and leaving the newly formed curls untouched. Arranging them in a way that was reminiscent of what Yennefer of Vengerberg's hairstyle was. Since this was a casual dinner meet up, you decide to only have just a little bit of dressiness that elevated the casual attire. You come out of your bedroom dressed in dark high waisted denim jeans with a white blouse with floral embroidery.

"Ready to go?" Morpheus has an unreadable expression on his face. From what you can tell, his eyes widening a little bit must have been his surprise from you disturbing him from his own thoughts. Maybe almost like a medical defibrilator.

Just as he was about to stand, a raven arrives at the living room window sill.

That must be his new raven.

You're not sure who or what started the tradition that the Sandman always needs a raven but it seems he is keeping up with tradition.

"Your new worldly assistant?"

"Yes, allow me to introduce you."

"Oh geez boss, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean normally you want me to keep a low profile among humans." Oh so he doesn't know about you yet.

"She's no ordinary human, Matthew. She is Life personified, she lives among mortals in a cycle of life, death and rebirth."

"At least until the last human, if there is any other life that still remains then I'll be reborn as whatever organism that is until no life can exist in the world anymore." Matthew turns to face you. You didn't need to read deeply to know that he was still astonished by what he is currently learning.

"Well then, it's an honor to finally meet you madam." He was definitely very different from Jessamy from the short time you have observed him. He would rather err on the side of caution even if it was scary. But this was paired up with a stubbornness to help Morpheus.

Considering how Morpheus is probably one of the last beings to ask for help if he really didn't need it, this is refreshing. Having someone who forces him to ask for help of any kind.

"Thank you, Matthew was it?"

"Yeah"

"Is this your first time in the waking world?"

"In this part of the waking world, yes. But don't worry I'm very - and I mean very - familiar with the waking world. I used to be human, and I died in my sleep and I still don't know what Lucienne did but somehow when I woke up I'm now a raven." Oh! Well that explains his more cautious nature and a mix between fear and respect in his eyes for you.

"Hmm I see. Has Morpheus taught you how to detect my energy yet?"

"I'm still teaching him how to detect and differentiate energies." Morpheus clarified as you notice that he was standing near you.

"Look I know I'm not as good as little miss perfect Jessamy, but it's a whole new weird sensation for me." Inferiority complex. Probably because he has heard stories of Jessamy.

"Well, Matthew there's a few things that you'll need to know before we go out. The spirits and supernatural beings of this country are known to be a bit territorial when it comes to their homes here."

"And what are their homes?"

"Usually ant mounds, trees, bamboo trees, almost anything from nature. But some have adapted to man made structures."

"Oh great."

"My point is that before landing on an area, say 'Excuse me' then a short introduction to yourself and that you mean no harm. It's a bit easier to distinguish them when you can detect their energies."

"Wait, if they're territorial what do humans do?"

"The humans who can detect them would either respect their wishes or disregard them. They are aware that just like me, most humans can't really detect them and so they also tend to leave them alone for the most part. In your case however you are now in the service of one of the Endless and are considered a supernatural being so they'll be expecting you to show them courtesy."

"You can't detect them?" Morpheus asks as he allows Matthew to go on his shoulder.

"My third eye is closed in this lifetime, it's my mother and one of my best friends who has theirs open. At most I can only hear some voices of the ghosts who still dwell in certain places, but that's about it."

"And what about-"

"They have developed the ability to shapeshift into human forms and have seamlessly integrated into human society. Technically one of them already is human just given supernatural powers that seem to be nightmare fuel by just the concept alone. It would be detrimental to them if they can't be detected by humans in their human forms. The main difference with them is that I don't need to exert any third eye related senses just to talk with them."

You take a glance at your phone and see that Emira has just texted that she is on her way.

"Essentially Matthew just say 'Excuse me, I'm Matthew, the raven of Dream of the Endless, and I'm here in your territory but I mean no harm.' or something along those lines. Now let's go, my daughter is on her way." You turn to get your handbag and after making sure you had everything you need you and Morpheus with Matthew still on his shoulder left your apartment.

"Her daughter?"

"She shares a bond with all of her children. And some of those children have been reincarnated in this time." He continues explaining to Matthew how it all works, with you correcting or adding in some information as you make your way to the cafe called Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf that wasn't too far from where you've lived and just required the willingness to take a walk.

By the time you've reached the cafe doors, Matthew has flown off and it was just you and Morpheus.

For about 5 seconds.

"MOM!" You were almost tackled to the ground but you can't help but laugh as you hug her.

"Hello Emira."

"Oh mom, you have no idea what I've been through -" she begins rapidly chatting with you as you gently guide her inside the cafe with Morpheus following behind. Her concerns were mainly from someone who was new and who hasn't gotten into the course of law school life yet.

"Okay before you continue, let me quickly formally introduce someone to you. Emira, this is Morpheus, Dream of the Endless." It was only then that she took notice of his figure as he steps towards her.

"Oh you're aunty Death's younger brother." He raises an eyebrow.

"She visits you?"

"Technically she visits mom but sometimes I go to mom's apartment when I want to talk about weird life things that I could only tell her - sometimes I feel better actually talking it out loud on front of mom than just through the bond. She's one of the few people who doesn't mind me thinking the way I do - aside from mom that is." After briefly making sure to get Emira's order - Morpheus refuses to take anything and was starting to be more interested in his conversation with Emira than with any actual food or drink- you decide to leave them alone as you make your way lining up behind a few people to make your order.

So far everything was going to plan. Among all your reincarnated children, Melike, or Emira as she is called in this lifetime was not just talkative but was also engaging. Even if Morpheus decided not to talk much, she would still be able to find a way to grab his attention. He couldn't simply rely on living through interactions with you alone. You were only one perspective among many.

And he needs to learn to listen to more than just yours. You weren't always right, you had your flaws, your hypocricies that you don't want to admit to anyone else. Even if you were only a few miliseconds older than Death, you knew you were far from perfect and that there were just too many variables from just the human race alone that you cannot hope to represent them all in yourself.

And Emira is a good starting point. You may not be able to see them physically, but with what Emira is showing you through your bond, based on the non-verbal expressions on his face, Morpheus was at the very least actively listening to her.

After paying for your orders and was given a beeping token that would light up and vibrate when your order was ready, you return to them just in time to hear Morpheus reply to Emira.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure even your mother would agree that you are still adjusting to change. You are incredibly capable."

"If it was my first lifetime maybe. But now all I feel is being capable of the artsy side of things while wanting to also go into diplomatic and foreign affairs."

"Just like your mother." His tone held a hidden tenderness that you're not sure if Emira could pick up right away since this is her first time actually talking to him.

"Yes, just like mom. In both in this lifetime and when she was my father's favorite consort. She's given me her diaries that she had kept that I may learn from her even when she had died giving birth to me. And I could still see her pursuit in that and I want to join her in the field of International Relations."

"Speaking of your mother." She turns to look at you as you take your seat in between them.

"If it makes you feel any better my experience was worse."

"How can it be worse than mine?"

"For one, I was the beadle for both my block and in all of our subjects. So imagine playing manager to all subjects while adjusting to being a law student AND learning how to balance both the needs of the professor and the wants of your classmates." Her mouth opens and let out a gasp.

"Oh and I forgot to mention - I did this in both the first and the second semester."

"WHAT?" You nod with a sympathetic smile.

"So yeah, compared to me you have it way easier."

"What she's not telling you is that she also passed all of her subjects."

"WHAT?" You give a pointed look at Morpheus who doesn't bother hiding a smirk as his eyes meet yours.

"Ignore that for now, Em, the point is that you should take your time and just keep studying and do your best. If you need a place to study you can always come to my place."

"But also remember that what seems impossible can be done with hardwork and focus."

"But how do you remember provisions? Memorization isn't my strong suit."

"Sometimes I make up little stories that makes them memorable - but that's just how my brain works okay, some people may find repetition to be more effective."

"Stories? Like cases?"

"Not always - alot of times it would come in the form of bad jokes."

"They're not that bad."

"I thought you were going to say that they weren't jokes."

"Ooh tell me one."

"Once you hear it you'll agree that it's a bad joke. Okay this one is related to Obligations and contracts - What is the legal definition of a crush?"

"What?"

"When you have a right to the fruits but not to the thing when the time of delivery arises." Emira tried holding back her laugh.

"Omg - right to the fruits but not to the thing."

"That's essentially what a crush is. You meet or see a person that you like - that's when delivery arises. But do you automatically have a right over that thing?"

"No."

"Exactly, but can you still admire that person and titilate over that person to your friends and confidants?"

"Yes."

"And that's why my daughter, its only right over the fruits."

"But mom what if it becomes a partner and not a crush anymore?"

"Then delivery has been made. The pre-existing obligation is extinguished as a new one arises."

The plan went surprisingly well. Much to your delight Morpheus wasn't completely silent and even chimed in every now and again. Even during the times he was silent he was actively listening as you and Emira would do most of the talking - perhaps a little too loudly for everyone else. It was only when Emira's biological mother in this time called that you all realized how late it was and how she needed to get home.

Looking back maybe that was when it all started. Hindsight may be 20-20 but it still didn't tell you when things began. Or maybe like many things it was a gradual progression made up of many small choices leading up to a noticeable change.

Since it wasn't always convenient for him to remain in the waking world he would sometimes meet you in your dreams when you permit him so. You'll know when he wants to talk because no matter what dream you were having you would somehow find a letter or a messenger waiting for your response. You were thankful for this since there are days when you just want to indulge in having a sweet dream and not discuss anything related to the waking world. And yet it also allowed you to know that he really was making an effort to understand the nuances and complexities of life beyond what stories could provide.

You recall bringing this up with him during one of his visits in your dreams. Only in your dreams would there exist a library that allowed you to eat and drink inside it and also have a marvelous view of a meadow and the forest that surrounds it. You were dressed in loungewear currently barefoot as you sit cross-legged on a couch that doubled as a bed by the window. Hair unfurled in curls that only came after you untangled your black hair from your fishtail braid. A round table with an ornate design was in the empty space that covered the couch's semi-circle entrance with the area closest to the window in a conventional rectangle shape so that when you don't feel like sitting, you could always lie down by the window with the round table acting as an impromptu nightstand.

Across from you on the otherside of the round table sat Morpheus with a chair pulled from one of the unused desks.

"Sometimes I feel like humans in particular are a little too addicted to stories sometimes."

"And why do you say that?"

"Morpheus, don't tell me you don't know the concept of gossip. Stories provide both pleasure and pain and is one of the ultimate ways to help a person grow or to break them down depending on what story you tell and how you tell it. It in my opinion is the thing that differentiates humans from all other species, the need and desire to know a story. Or to make one when there is no story that is satisfying enough for the individual."

"And yet you are one such individual."

"Much like many people, I can't help it. And yet you can't deny that there are things outside of a story that frequently gets over looked by those addicted to stories."

"Such as?"

"Beings simply beings. It would be more entertaining for anyone if there was a story of either great victory, great defeat, or simply a crazy unusual event rather than a mundane moment like two friends sharing a good meal or a person doing Duolingo to learn high valyrian. Sometimes they may afford a thought to the end result but not to the everyday grind and details."

"In this instance I will have to disagree with you." He becomes more relaxed in his position as you turn to look at him.

"True, there are things that an individual may simply take for a fact. But they may also be little stories themselves or may serve as part of a bigger story in their minds."

"That only proves my point of humans craving stories. Maybe it's because humans in particular have a brain that wants to see a pattern even when the facts are just mere coincidences rather than a conspiracy made by the universe."

"But don't you see that even your argument is a story in itself. You say that humans in particular neglect to see beyond the stories they tell themselves and yet the examples you've cited are all instances where small stories could be made or interpreted."

"Stories requires conflict Morpheus, and not all moments in life need to have conflict."

"True, but you also enjoy Saint oniisan a japanese movie made up of slice of life moments. And in many of those the fictionalized versions of Buddha and Jesus enjoy meals, trips, and shopping together. Like your example those are also moments from daily life. But even you cannot deny that it is a story nevertheless." Damn he got you there.

"Okay and what about my example of the daily grind of learning High Valyrian from Duolingo?"

"The story could be one of persistence and accomplishment. Appreciation for the journey as show of growth or defeat depending on the choices made." You sigh as he was able to poke holes into your arguments. He has a point but -

"Still - moments and things outside of stories still need to be appreciated more. Sometimes the stories told about ourselves or the things that we don't know are exagerrated versions of things that are nowhere near the truth. It's almost as if many individuals cannot accept that sometimes things simply are."

"I will admit you have a point. But if that were always the case then there would be no fuel for humans to take action and change the things that don't serve them."

"A neutral trait, like many things when used to the extreme it could lead to disaster." You see his expression briefly recall the time when he was captured and imprisoned by Roderick Burgess. A man who was aiming to capture Death to bring back his preferred son.

A man who cannot accept that things have changed and it showed in his response.

Maybe that was also true for Morpheus before his recent experiences according to many others who were either his creations or Calliope his former wife who was also imprisoned.

He looks into your eyes. His expression changing into something that you are not able to read, but you can feel a softness to it.

"And yet it was you taking action that things changed." He could tell you were also thinking of that time in your most recent past life.

"I've told you before that I couldn't simply leave you there."

"And yet you had the choice to do so. And out of all the beings that wouldn't have come to my aid, you were the one I couldn't entirely blame for not helping."

"Bold choice of words. I thought the first one would be either Desire or Destiny."

"Desire despises me which I blame on their ego and Destiny could have at least sent me a warning."

"You know how my sort of parent works. Destiny will probably just reason that if you were foretold then it wouldn't happen and that it needed to happen." You see some sort of a smile appear on his lips as you see him contemplate on his experiences since then.

"Perhaps. You've always told me before that the only thing constant is change."

"When you experience life and stories the way I do, it's hard to ignore change."

"Do you think I've changed since then?" You close your eyes to contemplate briefly.

"You have, even though a lot of you still remains unchanged."

"Is that so?"

"Just to be clear, sometimes things being unchanged is also good. It's not always diametrically opposed to the things that have changed. Like when the Try guys were trying on Keith's wardrobe which now have plenty of bright patterns, it turns out they miss him wearing his signature blue squares. 'The more things change the more some things remain the same' is what they said. Or something along those lines."

"And what would you say has changed and remain unchanged in me?"

"Oh we are going to be here for awhile." You change your position to straighten your back and move closer to the rounded edge of the couch to let your legs dangle over the edge.

"For the things that have remained unchanged, you still prefer brooding over your emotions - sometimes to the point where Death and I have to intervene to prevent further self-pity - you prefer to observe and watch. You are still stubborn about certain things, some of which I agree, disagree, or a mixture of the two."

"Such as now?"

"Yes. And you still have some problems simply communicating - but that is slowly changing since you are more open now than you were before and sometimes it takes time to really appreciate any improvements made."

"I'm glad to see you've noticed." You aren't sure if the tone he was using was a teasing one or if it was just simply lighter.

"But there are some things I am happy remained unchanged. You are still a wonderful creator and storyteller, which as the personification of dreams I am unsurprised by. You still do your best to do what is right and uphold your responsibilities - even though sometimes the way you go on about it may be questionable without first doing some prior research to be absolutely sure. And you still provide hope for everyone who seeks it in their dreams. As for what has changed -"

You pause as Morpheus shares the expression you have.

You were starting to wakeup.

"I guess what I'll have to say will have to wait for the next time we are both free. But I think you have some awareness of what has changed in you. What I have to say may just be redundant."

"On the contrary I enjoy hearing your perspective."

And that was the end of that conversation as you woke up and went about your day. Even then you didn't know what to make of the expressions on his face that was softer towards you or how sometimes his tone would be noticeably lighter when responding to comments.

"I wouldn't mind him as a step father." Your mind was immediately brought back to the present as you and Emira were eating a platter of fresh salmon sashimi that you ordered the night before in preparation for her visit. It was lunchtime and you two were seated across each other with your study materials pushed to one side of the large rectangular table while the side that you two occupied. She was using a fork because she's still working on mastering how to use chopsticks. On the platter you placed serving chopsticks and provided by the vendor and a serving fork on Emira's side while you ate the salmon sashimi slices with your own pair of chopsticks.

"Huh? What brought this on?"

"The way he looks at you; the way he teases and flirts with you; the way he responds to you."

"Are you sure you aren't thinking about somebody else? This doesn't sound like the Dream of the Endless that I know of."

"That's the point, maybe this is a new side that he's showing you - or showing me to maybe try and convince you." You swallow a salmon sashimi before sighing.

"It's not impossible since he's had lovers before - but I highly doubt that he's interested in me that way."

"Oh come on mom, because of you his own recent creations are better than before."

"That's because of the assignment I gave him about visiting the Waking world more frequently and to really be in the moment. But that's all based on his experience. I just gave him the prompt to do so."

"Well okay then why does he go to you specifically to talk about life?"

"I am Life. But I don't think this is an indication that he's romantically interested in me. The next best being he could consult with is either Death or Hobs."

"Okay I'll give you that, he still visits them. But has he seen Hobs fangirl over the release of SB19's new song?" You couldn't help but laugh at that. Soon after his first meeting with Emira, he has somehow made time to visit you and Emira the Friday of that week. Both you and Emira had your classes cancelled because of a thunderstorm. Emira managed to convince her parents to let her stay with you for the weekend since despite the thunderstorm you had better internet connection and your apartment was within walking distance to the law school and was more accessible. It also helped that security was tight and Emira had to register with the reception area and also had to indicate approximately how long she was going to stay. She brought everything needed to study and to prepare for class proper.

On her first day of stay as she arrived during lunch time and threw her things in the bed of one of your two guestrooms. Morpheus had materialized inside and had just finished his greetings to you when Emira rushed in holding her smartphone.

"MOM SB19 JUST PREMIERED THEIR NEW SONG WHERE YOU AT."

"WHAT?! I'm sorry Morpheus but this takes priority - Let me turn on my desktop so we have a bigger screen." You didn't wait for Morpheus to reply as you immediately rushed to what would normally be your work area, but for now it has also become your source of entertainment.

"What's SB19?" At this Emira looked at him in shock. You on the other hand, not so much.

"You're the king of dreams and YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SB19 IS?!"

"I think we should wait for a few minutes after the premiere. Just to make sure everything is in working order. Okay Morpheus, try to keep up because Em and I are very excited but I'll try to briefly explain WHO is SB19." You're still not completely sure if Morpheus was able to actually comprehend what you and Emira explained but he at least remained silent for the two of you to quickly explain that SB19 were essentially the kings of PPOP or Filipino Pop and this latest single is in celebration of their first world tour. The moment you hear the desktop spring to life you quickly go on youtube and to SB19's channel.

Looking back you're not completely sure what was going on in his head since admittedly your attention was occupied fangirling over the latest song "Where you at". It also didn't help that your bias, Ken - whose legal name is Felip Jhon Suson since he uses "Felip" for his solo songs - essentially started the song and ever since you saw him driving a car in a 50s inspired look, you basically didn't care that Morpheus was essentially seeing you as a rabid fan girl. It also didn't help that your biaswrecker Stell had very sexy dance moves while singing the first pre-chorus while acting a lot like Danny from Grease with some Elvis moves.

After essentially shrieking and screaming like the couple of fangirls the two of you are. The replay of the song was essentially you and Emira dancing along to it while Morpheus just laid back with an amused look on his face.

🎶"Let's not waste our time And try to reconnect the lines, oh yeah I miss getting electrified When I look in your eyes, oh baby!"🎶

🎶"Where you at? There's no groove within this music No sign of your heartbeat in it, I'm alone, yeah So sad, will I ever get connected? 'Cause you're already embedded In my heart and soul, yeah"🎶

"I LOVE YOU PABLO!" You hear Emira scream the next time the leader and writer of the song, Pablo - legal name: John Paulo Nase and who initially debuted as Sejun before changing it to Pablo during the Pagsibol era of SB19 and before the release of their song "What?" - appeared on screen. This time it was black and white as he was singing the second pre-chorus.

🎶"Let's not waste our time And try to reconnect the lines, oh yeah I miss getting electrified When I see all your smiles, oh baby!"🎶

🎶"Where you at? There's no groove within this music No sign of your heartbeat in it, I'm alone, yeah So sad, will I ever get connected? 'Cause you're already embedded In my heart and soul, yeah"🎶

"Oh your bias wrecker is up next Em."

"I don't know the rap yet so I'm just going to dance." While you let her dance on front of the screen you take a quick break from your mini SB19 dance party to sip some water and to check in on Morpheus.

"I'm sorry Morpheus for interrupting our conversation. I promise we'll continue after this."

"No need to worry. I'm quite entertained as to how the two of you are enjoying yourselves."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" He gives you an amused grin.

"I'm sure - and you better hurry back. The last chorus is about to begin." And before you know it, Emira was dragging you back on front of the screen for the final part of the song.

🎶"Where you at? Let's go groove into this music Oh, I can feel all your heartbeats' in the zone, yeah Go mad, now that we got reconnected We'll forever be embedded In our hearts and souls, yeah"🎶

🎶"Where you at? Let's go groove into this music Oh, I can feel all your heartbeats' in the zone, yeah Go mad, now that we got reconnected We'll forever be embedded In our hearts and souls, yeah"🎶

After two more rounds of dancing, and finally you and Emira were exhausted enough to settle down and discuss some parts of the song with Morpheus. Salient points being that Pablo wrote the song while missing his co-members because they were all forced apart to quarantine for a deadly disease. The song was produced by Pablo and his brother Joshua, choreographed by Stell, and the creative director for the music video is Justin, the youngest member of the group.

"I didn't catch this the first time but I just realized that after the bridge the lyrics in the chorus changed."

"You mean 'Oh, I can feel all your heartbeats' in the zone, yeah Go mad, now that we got reconnected' that part?"

"Oh yes! Because they're together again and they'll be going on tour and meet the A'tin again - A'tin is the official fandom name of SB19 Lord Morpheus. And don't judge me, I know mom picked up the meaning in the lyrics before I did."

"I wasn't saying anything."

"Your smirk is."

"I'm just amused. This is my first time watching anything like this up close."

"In the Waking world at least. And you must be more than familiar with similar behavior in people's dreams."

"True, but thanks to the two of you I'm actually enlightened as to why."

"Oh?" You say in a lighthearted tone. "And what insight have Emira and I provided you?"

"Celebration, appreciation, energizing movement, and heartfelt joy. I may be a stranger to your source of joy, but I still find myself thoroughly enjoying the way you two are touched by their music and the way you celebrate and appreciate them. And because of that you are energized by the song they have given you and it almost compels you to move. Towards what and how is up to you." You find yourself smiling and titilated by this. More than you would like to admit. A part of you says that you can still blame it on the high you got from singing and dancing hard to the latest song that quickly became one of your favorites when you just need to feel good. It didn't help that you know Morpheus was being genuine and it was confirmed by the non-verbal expressions on his face as his lips give a smile instead of a smirk.

Shortly after that, Emira goes off to her room to study for her subjects while you and Morpheus stayed to talk about his most recent experience in the waking world.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed mom, but he was definitely looking at you in an affectionate way. I can tell I've had boyfriends in this lifetime."

"He was just sharing his observations in the Waking world. It's basically just a student reporting to his teacher."

"Mom, little by little he was moving towards you as you got more engaged by his story about an old man who refuses to completely retire and who in his spare time still likes to drive around in a Cadillac car. The only reason he didn't hold your hand was because he respected your boundaries and because neither of you has made a move yet. But trust me, he's interested and I'm simply just telling you that I wouldn't mind it if he became my step-father that's all."

"Emira he's a good storyteller when he chooses to be. Of course I'm going to be engaged when he's actually entertaining me. Also you forget that despite his appearance he isn't human. He has no idea what personal space is or how by going into someone's personal space it may imply something more. Let's not jump into conclusions for now okay?"

"...Fine" She pouts as she picks up a salmon sashimi with her fork.

"Besides I'm not the only human he has been visiting."

"But does he appear beside Hobs when it's time to sleep and through his voice lulls him to sleep?"

"Not that I know of."

"Exactly, there's no evidence for it. And until there is, it should at most be treated as a theory."

"Look, I appreciate that I have your blessing if in case...it goes there. But right now it's premature and might simply be moot and academic. As long as there is no cause of action then there is nothing to act upon or respond to."

Emira wanted to argue back but she also couldn't deny that you had a point. Morpheus was and Endless and he didn't always understand humanity. There would be a cognitive dissonance between him, an Endless and the standards that humans are judged by. By what you can recall of his romantic history, if he wanted to pursuit someone he would make it very clear without any room for ambiguity.

He hasn't done that for you so therefore you have no reason to think any affection he has shown was anything but friendly. He also showed affection in varying levels to Jessamy, Lucienne, and everyone else he was on good terms with. You were not part of the exception but rather the general rule.

Speaking of affection.

"Okay I'm sick of not being able to call you anything. Parent is too impersonal and you know why I don't want to call you father." Jared says as he calls you through the messenger app. It was lunchtime in your location and to keep up with the healthy diet, you and Emira decided to have sushi rolls this time. You both need all the omega 3 fish oil for your brain to function.

"Hey bro, how about Zaza? I found it among the gender neutral terms for parents." Emira responds as you go to the door to pick up the food delivery.

"Hmm that could work. But why Zaza? I can't tell my parents that a woman one year younger than me is technically my father."

"Don't be ridiculous, how about a nickname for a tiktok dance?"

"Neither she nor I have tiktok."

"An ancient goddess?"

"Okay but why? They might think I'm trying to flirt with her which is something I don't want to happen at all."

"A Dungeons and Dragons thing? How come I'm the only one trying to come up with ideas. This is your problem."

"You're more creative than me, sister. Of course you would be able to think of a solution."

"This is supposed to be a team effort."

"Children you're over thinking this." You say towards your phone as you set up and arrange the sushi orders. The california maki for Emira, the Ebi tempura maki for you, and in between the two of you was a large platter of salmon and tuna sashimi with a serving fork for her and serving chopsticks for you.

"Sometimes the most believable stories are the most mundane ones. Jared since our cover story is that we met online through tumblr because of our mutual interest on environmental issues we'll say that one day I was telling you about the fast fashion industry and its effects on the environment."

"...okay but how does that relate to me calling you zaza?"

"Simple, I made a typo that said zaza. You got confused because you've never heard of a brand named zaza and then I realized my mistake, and told you that I meant Zara."

"Oh and you couldn't help but call her zaza ever since then."

"That...actually could work and is very in character of you."

"Also since zaza is still obscure, your biological parents in this time won't know that its your way of showing filial affection towards me."

In your periphery you see Morpheus materialize as he joins you and Emira in the dining table.

"This is going to be embarassing but I need to sleep now and I could use your help in actually going to sleep."

"Didn't I send you the recording?"

"That's the regular version with the English lyrics. I'm trying to relearn some Hebrew."

"The Hebrew version is going to be nothing like the Hebrew we spoke in back in the day."

"It's okay I just want some form of familiarity even though it wouldn't actually be the same thing. And it also helps that in this time you can actually sing."

"Are you saying I couldn't back when I was your father?"

"To be honest I didn't really like it. Or maybe it's because I'm biased towards female singing voices."

"You're biased."

"Oh as if you aren't also biased for instrumentalists."

"Children."

"Sorry mom." "Sorry."

"Jared just give me ... 30 minutes, I can't let this sushi go to waste."

"Of course, there are still some things I need to do before going to bed."

"Okay just keep the call going but we'll just mute ourselves alright."

You turn towards Morpheus who was simply listening on your conversation with your children.

"Morpheus can you please check if Jared has entered the dreaming? I'm going to be singing a relatively short song and sometimes it can take multiple rounds before he actually falls asleep."

"How shall I let you know?"

"Maybe wave or a stop sign with your hand so that I may know when to stop."

"Or perhaps I can come to your side once I sense him in my domain."

"That may startle me. And I would rather not make any sudden shriek after singing the song multiple times." His expression becomes assuring.

"I won't startle you, but I will give you a sign of when you can stop."

"Thank you. Emira I'll go to my bedroom first to sing your brother to sleep. It has better acoustics."

"Okay mom, I'll leave some salmon for you. Can I have the rest of the tuna?"

"Knock yourself out."

You and Morpheus make your way to your bedroom bringing your phone with you and getting into a comfortable position for singing.

"Are you ready?" He nods.

"Jared are you there?"

"Yes -" He yawns before telling you that he was ready to listen.

Making yourself comfortable, you insert your earphones in the jack and point the mic to your mouth as you begin to sing.

"ילדי הטוב והרך [Yeldi hatov ve'harach]

אל תירא ואל תפחד. [Al tira ve'al tifchad]

ילדי, זאת ממני תקבל [Yaldi, zot mimeni tekabel]

רק סיכוי להנצל [rak sikui lehinatsel]

לאל שוב אתפלל [lael shuv etpalel]

הו, אלי! [Ho eli hoshiana]"

Instead of dead silence, you immediately begin a vocalization of the lullaby's melody, transitioning into the actual lullaby part of the song.

"אל נא תבכה, הרדם במנוחה [Al na tivke, heradem bimnucha]

הקשב לאוושת הגלים [Hakshev Leivshat hagalim]

אותך מרדימה בשיר ערש אמך [Otcha mardima beshir eres imcha]

איתך אהיה לעולמים [Itcha ehiyeh le’olamim]

מי הנהר שבנחת קולחים [Mey hanahar shebenachat kolchim]

שמרו על אוצר כה מושלם [Shimru al otsar ko mushlam]

אם תמצאו איזה חוף מבטחים [Im timtseu eize chof niftachim]

אותו נא הביאו לשם. [Oto na haviu lesham]"

As you do a softer version of the vocalization that comes after the lullaby, you take a glance at Morpheus hoping the question in your face is enough for him to read. Thankfully he picks it up quickly.

He mouths to you "Not yet" in a whisper.

You take a breath before starting another round of Yocheved's part in Deliver us. Once again only doing it in Hebrew, as per Jared's request.

After the third round you see Morpheus raise his hand in a stop signal. Jared has entered the dreaming, your job is done.

"Do you still remember speaking Hebrew?"

"Not really. If I peak into my memories I could still understand myself and everything spoken and written in Hebrew but like many skills if it isn't practiced then it isn't retained. I only know the meaning of the song because growing up I first learned it in English. However whenever I do hear Hebrew or any of the past languages that I was fluent in, there is still a sense of nostalgia for me, even if I don't speak or understand them anymore."

"Interesting."

"Is that what it's like for you?"

"No, my ability to understand almost doesn't require language and in a way my abilities as an Endless allow me to converse with anyone no matter what language they speak. But I never had to exert effort to actively learn it."

"I see, and yet another proof that I am not a part of the Endless family."

"You're right, you're much more than that." You were about to ask what he meant when you suddenly feel a headache.

No.

It wasn't a headache.

It's from one of your reincarnated children.

The last one who exists in this period.

"Are you okay?" You can hear the concern in his voice as he helps you lie down.

"Wait - I need to find my child to sense what's going on. Normally a bond wouldn't give me this much pain unless one of them dies or something unusual has happened." You take a deep breath and go into your mental space that held the bonds of your reincarnated children. Among the grey colored bonds only three had a colored glow outlining them. Jared's glow was in between yellow and orange and Emira's glow was in between red and violet.

And this little one's glow was in between coral and pink.

This is the one that was crying out in pain.

You reach out and enter the bond. You aren't sure what your child's name in this lifetime is. But you remember that back in the time of the Assyrian empire your child was a son named Pithyou who worked as a scribe in the empire's beaurocracy. Secretly, he felt out of place in his body and would probably be considered as a transwoman in your current times.

From what you can tell from the bond Pithyou got his wish and was now born into a biosex female. Whatever her name is, she's still a child and hasn't even began puberty yet.

The last accessible memory before the traumatic pain had blocked you off from the most recent memory is your child being hypnotized by a man who appears to be a magic user.

"My parents are going to rescue me and hurt you!"

"I'm counting on that you little brat. Not your parents in this life but your mother."

Oh no.

He knows about you.

"But for the meantime while she's not yet here."

"OUCH! NO! AGH!" The pain that caused your headache has appeared. But more than just pain you feel something happening. Your organs are rearranging and it's as if you are melting.

No.

It wasn't you who was feeling that.

It's your child, your poor child who was being used against you simply because of the bond you shared. A bond that she might not even be aware of yet.

You bring yourself back to your senses, this time both Morpheus and Emira was at your side both sharing a look of concern.

"Mom what happened? Is someone attacking you?"

"No - its even worse. A man is hurting your sister, the last child of mine who is currently reincarnated. He's hurting her knowing I would feel it. He's using her to make me go to him. I don't know what he's doing to her but it's so painful."

"Describe the pain, maybe that will help." Morpheus says in his serious but gentle tone.

"It's as if my - or rather her - organs were being re-arranged and her limbs were melting into her body. I believe that's what's causing her pain."

"Send me the man's face through your conscious thoughts." You did and once his eyes open, all you can see is his determination.

"I will find him and help your daughter."

"No, Morpheus you don't have to do that."

"You're right I don't." He makes his way closer to you.

"But I want to. Let me handle this."

"Mom I think we should follow Lord Morpheus on this one. You said it yourself, whomever this man is he's counting on you to rescue my sibling."

"But I can't let you possibly be in danger again. Not after a century in the Burgess manor."

"I promise I'll be careful. I'll make sure to prepare thoroughly before I do anything. You have a life to live as if you are mortal. Whatever this man wants from you is now the concern of the Endless." You sigh at his stubbornness.

"You're not taking no for an answer are you?"

"Not in this case."

"Agh fine, but you will report to me what is going on. If only to ease my concerns."

"Of course."

And with that he leaves.

"See he cares for you."

"He also cared for Calliope when she was in trouble."

"Hmm interesting how you say he only sees you as a friend and yet he didn't hesitate to help."

"Friends do that Emira." You say with a tone that ends the discussion. All you can do now is hope and pray that he remains safe and that your child is not harmed any further.

Author's notes: And now we enter the final arc before Morpheus and Life officially become a couple. Again some things I want to mention:

1.) Loungewear that I was envisioning;

2.) If you're wondering what the song that Emira and Life were dancing to it's this one: WYAT (Where you at) by SB19. Fun fact that nobody asked for: In this case Life and I are reversed. My bias is Stell and my biaswrecker is Ken aka Felip Jhon Suson. I don't know why but when I was writing that part Life was telling me to write Ken as her bias and Stell as the biaswrecker. And yes there is significance to the song since it's all about reconnections;

3.) Source for the Hebrew lyrics of "Deliver us" and the video reference used. If you want to hear me sing the vocal transitions (disclaimer I am not Jewish nor do I speak Hebrew so there is inevitably going to be mispronunciations on my end).

Copyright people don't come after me this is just for fun - my voice is probably too hoarse for it to even be discernable. I am not making any profit, just wanted to share it.

[dwarfsized]

tagged by the beautiful and amazing @aevallare thank you!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

9!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

63,696

3) What fandoms do you write for?

it's all bg3 right now, but I've also written for critical role and the arcana (visual novel)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1 - that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

2- ain't it warming you (the world goin' up in flames) (critical role, jester/caleb)

3- Liebe ist Fürsorge (critical role, jester/caleb)

4- Fighting the Hurricane (critical role, jester/caleb)

5 - true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

5) Do you respond to comments?

yes! i try to do the "comment when you upload the next chapter" thing but sometimes its been a while since the last chapter and i get embarrassed and just respond to everything in one big rush

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

where i left Fighting the Hurricane probably combined with the (checks notes) 1+ year long update hiatus, i am coming back for you baby i promise. i have plans for it. i just. god. so much happened to me right as i was working on it.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fic ends happy (this will not always be the case, eventual AA!AU will be. well. i shan't say.) BUT, and this might just be because its my most recent finished work, i think new steps might end off on the most hopeful note.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

this has never happened to me and id love to keep it that way lmao

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes :) the only real posted smut ive got rn is that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of, but i have other smut in the works

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Fighting the Hurricane doesn't count, really, but that's the closest we've got: its a Critical Role/Pacific Rim fusion.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have nooooot, but i am not sure that the way that i write (terrible first draft and then editing for 1000 years) is very friendly to co-writing. I'm not against the idea at all though, its just. you know. i wouldn't want to torture a friend with the everything about me. maybe someday though!!

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

in this house we multiship, peace and love. :) though honestly i made a joke once about retiring kira as an oc after bg3 bc of everything im putting her through after becoming so enamored with kirastarion so maybe that? sorry blorbo from my brain, enjoy the conciliation prize of elf dick.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares guiltily at Fighting the Hurricane ch 2, languishing on my wip pile. listen, i still fully intend to finish that story. i was doing cool stuff in there. the only problem is that my brain exploded while i was writing ch 1, and this wasnt supposed to be more than 2k words but i am myself, and i didnt use outlines then, so my notes are a mess.

also i cannot possibly underline enough the bit where my brain exploded. this is an exaggeration only in that none of it came out of my head, but i was Not Myself for a Long Time.

16) What are your writing strengths?

i think my internal monologue bangs. this is because i agonize over it.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

moving characters around in the space is like pulling teeth and i feel like a solid 30% of my editing is focused on that. getting someone from point a to point b elegantly and without it feeling like "astarion got up. he moved his feet. he sat down. he looked out the window" makes me feel like walking into the sea

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like it when it makes sense! Why does this character use another language? Does the reader need to know what they're saying? Is the POV character unfamiliar with the language? Does the reader learn anything from this? If you don't have good answers, why do it?

I find tieflings really neat, and bg3 does the typical dnd thing of "tieflings are looked down on," without, like, doing much with tiefling culture. So Ive had Kira use Infernal as a shortcut to create familiarity with other tieflings, and use it to have private conversations bc why would anyone but tieflings and people living in The Hells know that language--this solves some problems for her! And it creates others.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto...... once upon a time i wrote shikamaru/sakura fic. i was going to make a joke about that being my actual first longfic but i just checked and it literally isnt, i worked on it for a year and if you dont count the in-text authors notes (it was a different time) the whole thing is shorter than true colors chapter 4.

can you imagine me, now, updating something for a year and it being less than 11k. lol. lmao, even.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

eldath's mercy is my darling right now who also scares me to death. update coming soon (this week? i hope?)

i will tag @simon-says-nothing and @raccooncrimes and @septemberskye and YOUUUU reading this if you want to do it, tag me if you do!!

[theinfernalsanctuary]

Greetings all,

I apologize for how few posts I made in the last couple of days. I do work. Moreover, I work the night shift, and that is incredibly physically and emotionally taxing, so bear with me if you would. Just for fun, I'd like to share some of my favorite pieces of scripture from the Infernal Gospel and why they're my favorite. These will not be ranked.

From the "First Doctrine of Satan Called Origins"

6. And these souls were punished for welcoming appetite but not he who championed them - Satan, the munificent benefactor of human kind.

8. For only those that welcomed the fires of Hell may revel freely upon its soil - and those who spat against its name would serve eternal penance.

These are two of my favorites simply because they are so straightforward. These souls were sent to Hell for doing wrong by their God's standards, but even though they could have spared themselves by accepting the fact that their God abandoned them to torment for eternity and accepting Lord Satan's offer of salvation, they refused so he let them have what they clearly wanted. They were offered freedom but let their closed mindedness and fear rule them and were sent to eternal torment while Lord Satan's devotees and demons celebrated and feasted as he promised.

11. They would never know his kindness, nor the grandeur of Hell and its many devils - they lament in solitude until the howling end of time.

This one is specifically a description of purgatory,or the first circle of Hell, and it's pure poetry. If it weren't for the fact that this is a description of the fate of the people who rejected Lord Satan but just weren't good enough by God's standards, I'd want this tattooed on me.

30. Atop these descending realms, Hell sprawled like Leviathan - endless fields of fire, where devils celebrated amidst cities of gold and obsidian.

The imagery of this one is so intense. This is a description not just of Hell as a whole but specifically where Lord Satan's demons and devotees reside and celebrate.

From the "Second Doctrine of Satan Called Dominion"

*There are so many I love in this one, so I'm going to narrow it down to four.*

4. And palaces towered between cavernous hills, with monuments and coliseums surrounding - the proud beacons of sprawling, boisterous cities.

Hell, ironically, is an incredibly lively place where we can rejoice in the freedom of our inner beasts. It is a beautifully decorated, well loved place built for those of us who dared to walk the road less traveled and stuck to our convictions as theistic Satanists.

13. And Satan's disciples accepted his mark, and their souls were stained in stigmata, and they were sworn to his immortal empire.

Lord Satan keeps his promises. These people would forever have a home in Hell with him, and as someone who has struggled with a sense of belonging for most of their life and has never felt a calling like this before, I love the stability that Lord Satan provides.

18. And Satan's followers reveled in celebration, under banners and demonic heraldry - humans and devils, united by blood and fire.

Lord Satan has seen to it that everyone, demon or human, is the same under his mark. We are all children of Lord Satan, and he refused to let anyone feel unequal under his mark.

26. And the disciples knew of Satan's glory, and that he was an honorable god, and that he fulfilled the promise he made to his followers.

I have to get completely informal with this one, but I said what I said. He keeps his promises, and there is not a demon or devotee in Hell that would deny it.

I hope reading some of these brought you the same peace that they've brought me, and I hope that they assisted a bit in giving those who wondered a bit of an insight into why I am so passionate about this.

May Lord Satan's light guide you even in the darkest of times!

Ave Satanas!

[suzyq31]

Question 30

I was meaning to ask that after you'll finish found, can you make an one shot of iris as a 15 to 17 year old girl with moments with both harry and teddy

I mean in this story unlike iris, we've mostly seen the relationship between both of them as a teacher student even though harry would like to scream in joy when iris performs well or iris would often wonder what it would be if he had known from the start

Maybe in this one shot, we can see their relationship as father daughter and with teddy, you said that it would be like having sibling so them bickering but also being protective of each other, you had already developed victoire and Teddy's relationship with each other and harry so well , it will be an icing on cake to see it

Because with only 10 chapters left, I think it will only cover the reunion between three of them and we haven't even reached to Halloween in the story or an end to her first year so we won't be able to see her quidditch tryouts, owls and newts preparation because as much as we love a 4 year old iris and dad harry, I would also like to see harry and a rebel iris or just a teen iris with harry getting taste of his own medicine and her getting a crush with harry and teddy being protective and all that fluff

I know, I'm asking a lot but your writing and story is so good, I would love to see those moments of that family together

Hope you have a nice trip ❤❤

I'm really glad you enjoy the story! Not sure if I'll end up writing a one shot...but never say never. I am likely adding at least another chapter or two to Found, since some of the other plot stuff got away from me. So while it's a slow burn in many ways with the reveals etc. There will be several chapters of them as a family of 3. Also we will see more of the dynamic between her and Teddy. Plus Teddy meeting Hermione etc. My hope is to one day have all three stories in this universe complete...even if it takes me a few years 😅

I searched through my draft for anything that didn't have too many spoilers. So here's a snippet from later in Found if that helps showing the three of them together! (Haven't written the Teddy scenes yet!)

===

Soon enough they were at the same oak door from yesterday. Harry paused, a hand raking through his hair. She tilted her head towards him, it was still surreal to be able to look directly at him like this. Emerald eyes held hers and Hermione couldn’t move, mesmerised at the sight. 

“What are you doing?”

The new, but familiar voice made her jump, knocking into Harry who grabbed hold of her arms. She spun to her right to see Iris emerge from under the invisibility cloak, half her body still hidden.

“What’s the matter?” Iris asked this time, brow furrowed as she looked between them.

“Nothing,” she managed to reply, suddenly out of breath, Iris’s frown deepened. 

“You just scared us,” Harry added, releasing her arms. 

“Sorry,” Iris mumbled sheepishly, eyes moving to her trainers. She rubbed the cloak between her fingers, falling silent.

Now it was her turn to frown, sensing the tension in her daughter. “What is it sweetheart?” 

Iris chewed on her lips “Everyone is staring,” she replied quietly, eyes flicking up to them. “More than with the vomit.”

Guilt flashed across Harry’s face. “Come on,” he said finally. “Let’s have a butterbeer.”

Iris brightened at this offer. Hermione followed her daughter and Harry into his quarters. Iris draped the invisibility cloak over the armrest of the sofa before flinging herself onto its cushy surface. 

“What do I say? When people ask me things?” she asked.

Hermione glanced over at Harry who nodded thoughtfully as he fetched three butterbeers from a cabinet under his desk. 

“Tell them you can’t talk about it. Auror orders,” he replied as he handed Iris her drink.

Hermione took the one offered to her, his fingers brushing against hers, making her heart jump. She ignored this and sat next to Iris who continued to watch them with her carefully held expression.

“We do need to talk,” Hermione said, placing her hand on Iris’s leg. “There’s a good chance this will end up in the paper.”

Her eyes widened, head whipping towards her father. Harry took a long sip of his butterbeer. 

“There’s been rumours of a leak. About your mum. That she’s alive.”

“How did they find out?” Iris asked.

“The less you know the better,” Harry replied. 

Iris crossed her arms. “I’m almost twelve!”

Harry stood, crouching in front of Iris, a hand on her shoulder. “Some things are too heavy for twelve year olds.” His eyes moved to Hermione and back to Iris. “I wish we hadn’t had to take on half the things we did by the time we were your age.”

Iris sunk further into the cushion. “You know I’ll just find out anyway.”

His lip twitched upwards. “Of course you will. Still, can you trust us that we’ll tell you what you need to know as it comes up?”

Her face twisted into a sceptical frown, gaze piercing. Hermione sighed, reading the expression all too well.  “I know. My track record isn’t…great.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. She shook her head, pleading silently with him to speak about it later. He nodded and she released a relieved breath. 

“Stop talking with your eyes!” Iris said, voice rising. Both of them stared shocked at her outburst. 

Harry’s expression was just as incredulous as hers likely was. Suddenly she was laughing, unable to stop as she covered her mouth. Harry’s joining hers instantaneously. Iris glared at both of them. 

“It’s not funny,” she muttered. 

That only made them laugh harder and eventually her frown cracked, revealing a partial smile. 

Harry stood from where he’d been laughing on the rug, wiping his face with his sleeve and offering Iris his hand.

“How about we get some fresh air?”

[red-dyed-sarumane]

hello i am also a hiiragi magnetite enjoyer but a casual one (the songs just bang. they're really good. i loop them) and i had no idea until we became mutuals and i looked at your posts that their songs are part of a series. i had never looked into it. i am genuinely interested and if you ever wanted to rattle off to me what it's about i will eat that shit up fr. it's been so long since i was last majorly into a vocaloid song series

hi hi! i hope you dont mind a public answer bc you're far from the only one who didn't know. once u know what to look for tho it starts making a bit more sense.

in short: its a sci-fi, time loop-type story about a group of people trying to stop the world from ending

but i'll get into the songs a bit for u. (this is long)

in long:

yes its absolutely a series with the exception of fabric flower, perfection, nadenna, uni, and rasshaina. everything else so far is part of the same series. (in their personally uploaded songs obviously their commission songs arent part of it)

idk where to throw this in so im sticking it at the beginning all of the characters have names. i asked & they answered me directly. but they're keeping them a secret until they feel like the time is right so i would LOVE to tell u their names but uh. no one knows but hiiragi magnetite.

aru sekai series is actually a fan given name. hiiragi magnetite has never addressed the series out side of the songs themselves unless asked about it. if you called it aru sekai series to them, they dont correct you, so until they want to give it a name themself, i'll be calling it aru sekai series. the name coming from the first song aru sekai shoushitsu of course.

im going to put my proof its a series here first bc i see a lot of eng fans say they didnt know, and even jpn fans that realize theres a series will get it wrong & say theres 2 different series going on. its the same story its one series.

the easiest way & the way that made me realize it is aru sekai shoushitsu opens with "nami no ne no yume wo miyou ame hodo no uruoi wo/ umareyou mou ichido nakuse domo nai keredo" etc which is important in a lot of ways but for right now we're just going to focus on the melody of it.

this same melody occurs in all aru sekai series songs except for kugutsu ashura & laboratory. kyuuyaku hankagai has it in the last chorus at 4:48 as well as the more obvious 5:16. shuuen touhikou has it in the choruses as well at 1:20, 2:34, and 2:46. oumen mokushiroku is the only song so far that has it in lyrics as well instead if mixed into the instrumental, its the last lyrics starting at 2:30 "ah mata aete yokatta ne to itte hoshikatta no ni/ tasogare ga tokete yuku kiete yuku nanimo mienakunaru". unplanned apoptosis its a bit harder to hear & much shorter but its at 0:57, 1:06, 2:16, and 2:26. i dont know why i see people insisting marshall maximizer is a separate series bc its one of the obvious ones with the motif at 2:23 (or at least more obvious than some others). canon has it at 2:20.

theres also the theme most people realize that (kyuu)yaku, (shuu)en, and (ou)men have the same kanji as what starts lines in aru sekai shoushitsu.

a lot of songs also have text in the bg thats basically lore & helps connect & clear up somethings. a lot of these repeat lines from previous songs.

& then we get to kugutsu ashura & laboratory which dont have any of those but they are part of the series your key is in the lyrics using similar themes & concept & wording to other songs.

so what are the songs about

aru sekai shoushitsu

this is a headache of a song that, im so grateful they give us so many songs to expand on bc trying to make sense of it with no context was actually the worst. the absolute most important thing u want to know here is the lines they made into the motif for the series which establishes this tragedy is repeating. the theme of rain/blue is the symbol the current world is coming to an end and they'll later be "reborn" and try again.

no one has any idea what the repeating greek(?) means. i can figure out the words toroid & function & thats it & ive never seen anyone else get any farther with it. if anyone knows please i am begging u to tell me. anyway, from the word toroid alone though i know it has something to do with the world repeating itself.

thats the next main theme i'll get into. the story is a loop of sorts but i hesitate to say its a true time loop bc there is very clear emphasis on the concept of fractals, so repeating but not exactly the same, and toroid shapes, so not a perfect loop like say a sphere or circle would be. instead of a time loop sending them back to the beginning of the day its more like waking up in an alternate timeline altogether. its not a 1:1 learn what the day brings and get out that way. each time's different in its own way. the fractal theme drifts off a bit after a few songs but its still there overall.

the other big one is the concept of things seeming the same when theyre different, and this is easier to miss bc it's actually in the bg text rather than the lyrics. there's a whole paragraph about if a man dies in a swamp from lightning and then miraculously another bolt of lightning in the same area creates a man that's exactly the same in structure, memory, everything, is it still the same man as the one who died. this not only applies to the concept of the world itself, that not only is the world itself not quite the same when everything restarts, but is also a big thing with the characters themselves. there is something that people have that make them "people", something that can be lost, and without that, even though they seem to be the same, they're more of a "thing" than a "person." very big detail that was only a theory until laboratory was posted and confirmed it. aru sekai shoushitsu also says, in lyrics, "however, as long as you exist as people, the old world's legacy will continue on in the toroidal direction." so as long as they still have what makes them a "person" they can still be reborn in the next iteration of the world.

i think those are the most important things. the lyrics are a bit objective overviews of the next songs based on the starting kanji and also a bit more technical detail of whats going on, and the rest of the text is a more subjective view of the events than the lyrics.

kyuuyaku hankagai

this one's the start of our subjective character songs. all the text in it is at the beginning. i won't get too into it bc i dont think there's anything specifically u need to know from it, put it definitely helps put the level of desperation into perspective. theres a bit of play in it with the concept of "people" again, but its more about the lengths everyone will go to to do something about the situation iirc.

quite obviously this is the "past" song and establishes this has been going on for a while. i dont have an exact timeline for you, and im not telling you that because its the "past" that this is the beginning of everything. however. we do get told once again the concept of a "self" is important to the continuation of this. we also get a bit of world description, saying about how the world gets torn up and destroyed at the end.

short overview of it is they've been at this a very long time, everyone is well aware of the stakes, they're desperate & tired, but in the end they know even if they die at the end of the world because they cant save it, they're going to wake up and need to face it all over again. thats why theres so many long notes in this. this song is this characters cry for help. they cant let go bc if they do, if they lose their "self" its all over for them, they know that (although its not blatantly said at this point), so they have to keep going through all the "fractals" hoping that something they do sometime is going to work.

song has a lot of specific terms but its not as impersonal as shoushitsu u can feel the character in this song, especially with all the specific "byebye" written with various forms of regret and pain of separation etc. in an effort to keep this short im going to stop there for now.

shuuen touhikou

song that fits with the "end" (shuu) lines of aru sekai shoushitsu. quite literally an answer to the question of what would happen if they tried to escape instead of facing it.

the first part of text sets up the characters frame of mind, that they've been through this so many times trying to save everything, what if they didn't have to?

also in the text are the "shuu" lines from aru sekai shoushitsu, as well as part of the text from the beginning of kyuuyaku hankagai. and the last text deals with the concept of "ego" a bit instead of a "self".

the lyrics are such that this character is still part of whatever everyone's doing to fix this, but doesn't really agree with how its being handled, constantly being frustrated by how nothing's changing and no one wants to try anything too different. they entertain the idea of just running for it, that theres some town out there that they'll be safe if they can reach, that maybe running is enough to do something that they arent just standing around hoping anymore.

so effectively, no, even if they were to drop everything and run for it, it won't do them any good. (by extension they might also not be able to come back from it, but i cant say that for sure)

oumen mokushiroku

the concave "ou" song. also the only one i can accept the ""official"" english title for since mokushiroku is read as apocalypse in aru sekai shoushitsu.

theres no text in this one! unless u want to count the ou kanji.

this one's interesting bc instead of a part of the human team we have an angel who can't do anything to help them. shes watching over them, she wants to help, but for various reasons she just cant. she cant tell them it's not her fault, she cant affect anything in a way that matters. part of the reason she has the broken umbrella i think is just to really get across shes supposed to be the safeguard but she cant. for reasons beyond her control she cant.

some of the lyrics kind of mirror other songs, "inoru you ni" "omotai kaze furiharau you ni" for example relating to similar phrases in shuuen touhikou, "ima sakenda" like the main lines of kyuuyaku hankagai, starting of with rain similar to aru sekai shoushitsu among other things.

and of course like i said this is the only song that uses the motif in the lyrics & this is a theory but im putting it out there i feel like that implies the others are a part of this but this character in particular can actually do something about it. i dont know if shes actually the one who makes the whole world be reborn or not but i will put that out there.

theres also the line like "we lost something without a shape or feeling" & i think thats another tie into the theme of needing to keep their "self" for any of this to be possible.

unplanned apoptosis

theres a lot going on here. this chara is hilarious to me bc all the others are pretty collected about the whole thing all things considered and shes just acting out the whole time.

she hates it. shes fed up & i think should be considered an unreliable narrator to an extent. she tries to act like fine whatever i dont care but she does. she does. she also doesnt want to take blame for anything.

now, theres the line in here like jibun wo koroshite and this isnt in the way u might immediately think. i also hesitate to say its the same "self" the other songs are talking about considering its jibun rather than jiga. its more like suppressing & denying her true feelings to deal with everything. not that that wouldnt tie in to that big theme if she took it too far but for now shes safe.

theres text in this song this time tying it directly to oumen mokushiroku in case the art wasnt enough for u to know that. its a bit about fate being predetermined for them, a bit about things continuing in the same direction they've been, but shes brought back again

the songs really a lamentation of losing her past and future to this as well as showing how badly shes handling it.

and theres a bit of foreshadowing here in the what with the window(s) behind her being dark and broken while also being the exact same in composition to the one in oumen mokushiroku. which u think initially is because the angel cant help her, but the lines in canon about something causing the glass to break i really think is in reference to this and is saying she's at least part of the reason the angel cant help anyone. whether shes aware of this i cant say bc shes a liar who doesnt take blame for anything & since this is her viewpoint thats a bit unclear.

marshall maximizer

i think its that it's asa's art instead of sena yuta's that people think this is unrelated but honestly arent u people so confused. u look at these lyrics and think its a stand alone song? are u not so confused?

anyway, this is actually another big one in terms of plot

welcome to sunk cost fallacy the song. like literally. thats what it is, admitting they've put everything into what they're doing that it's probably not worth it, but they've been at it this long they can't just stop either. its gotta pay out eventually right-

but if u take anything away from this, its that "people" or at least this character can tell when someone isnt one of them anymore. theres the lines like "observing you acting like a person gone mad" "to you who's pretending to be a person gone mad" where both "person" and "you" are written in katakana much like when the concept of being a "person" is discussed in aru sekai shoushitsu. "you" (kimi) being similar to "thing" (mono) in this case (shout out to hayato in the hiiragima tag on twitter for figuring this out btw)

theres also the iconic lines up to hito de nashi? as though to say, but if you act as a person does, then arent you a person as well?

and then the text. its. heavy. discussing what it means to be a person, if there's something special about it, if it matters to be alive for yourself or because of something else (in a series context. so. being forced to live without the "self" they need for example) it even starts to get into the "mono" versus "hito" concept until both characters talking get too overwhelmed by it. the character they were talking to then "disappears" after admitting they might nit be a "person" which seems to say those that lose their "self" dont get to continue.

for now though, the character narrating the song is still a "person" they still get to try again, and they continue to

canon

another one i see people say isnt part of aru sekai series. it says aru sekai de in the first lyric. whats not clicking.

this ones more on why things arent quite working out.

theres a sense of balance they need to keep in place, presumably, so they can make it out of this, but each time something happens that upsets the balance. again, theres the mention of cracking the glass that i think is a reference to that window in both oumen mokushiroku and unplanned apoptosis. this seems to be their sign if things are working out or not, the chorus of this song seems to being saying if the glass breaks theyve messed up, nothings going to change and they need to try again.

this chara's like the others in that shes also tired of everything, but she still has her "self" so she has to keep trying. only she'll do anything that might work so they dont have to do this again, so they "don't say goodbye" again. which includes lying a bit so people will try her ideas.

theres also the part admitting they didn't want any sacrifices for this, but, clearly, that didn't work out in their favor. this is probably a pretty broad definition of sacrifice, can be everything from time, energy, etc to sacrificing their "selves" for their cause.

theres also text in this song!! its coded in the video but shunnanna in the hiiragima tag decoded it so we know the text! it talks a bit about coming to and realizing the worlds okay, theres pretty flowers, and it smells like it just rained. it also then repeats the nami no ne no lines from aru sekai shoushitsu. the last part talks about a risky experiment that got out of control and ended up destroying everything. which that last part, to me, seems to imply this whole thing was their fault in the first place.

in the end tho, this songs the same they don't accomplish much and have to try again.

kugutsu ashura

tongue twister mantra the song.

this ones interesting bc the character isnt human to begin with (being ashura) so i think thats why the motif isnt here. they get to repeat in their own way tho.

shes just that. a puppet really. she cant do anything to help out, rather she can only do what she's supposed to so to speak.

if u can get through the wording though theres a lot to this!

its a bit more of an outsider's perspective at how needlessly desperate this how thing is. things are awful, everyone's having a bad time, hell, people are actually dying, but no one listens to reason and things keep continuing on in the same way. it places a lot of blame on the place that started the whole thing, the place mentioned in the canon text i believe, honestly for a good reason, and kind of criticizes whats going on.

and then u have the ending that really cements its part of the series for me, the whole thing changes into what feels like almost hope which is a nice change for this series. it talks of moving forward, of getting new starts, it works in the theme of rain especially with urufu as the same base as uruoi wo from aru sekai shoushitsu, and then of course the "mata ibukuyou ni" being thematically similar to the "umareyou mou ichido" also from aru sekai shoushitsu

theres a lot of specifics in the whole thing & a lot of very specific word choice but i think that gets the point across for now

theres no extra text either but honestly the lyrics are quite enough context if u can decipher them

laboratory

this song is so heavy. like. up until now things have been left rather vague and theres room to doubt how dire everything is especially with how subjective the songs are but this.

this girl is losing her "self". thats the whole song. her just terrified and being completely unable to stop it even though she would do anything to change things. all that talk from the other songs about whos a "person" and whos a "thing" this is a "person" whos becoming a "thing" and doesnt have a choice in it. i dont know what she did. but this is her punishment for it. she ignored things she shouldn't've and now she cant be her "self" anymore.

this is telling us directly its not just the world theyre fighting for, theyre fighting for everything that makes them who they are too. it's traumatizing in its own way that they live through the end of the world repeatedly. but now shes living through the end of herself and she wont get another chance. and thats why theres no motif in this one. she is no longer a "person" she can no longer continue. theres also no extra text in this song.

thank u if u read the whole thing thats where we're up to right now!! i hope thats enough to at least get started. theres a lot of deep diving u can do in this series & its a lot of fun to keep up with as it happens bc sometimes a new song just clicks so many things into place.

[wavesmp3]

hi! I read your 8000 layers of inyun yesterday. so it took me a whole day to digest it. Originally i was going to comment but realized i have too much to say so i went ahead and just did an ask, i hope you dont mind! This left me so breathless so i hope my review makes sense. I also apologize for the length but to be fair, your wonderful writing did this to me! i havent seen the movie yet but after reading this i just might. i was initially worried this will turn to something like a cheating situation or close but wow it went deeper than that. even if y/n is in a happy and healthy marriage, theres that grief over that inyun and wondering if a little more time with jeonghan would have been 8000.

The layers of this story is so beautifully laid out in details and the legend of inyun. As someone who had moved countries alot, i am so glad you captured the complexity of leaving home. From not understanding why y/n liked tompkins square park initially, the statue of liberty, and being that person that was always meant to "leave". The way jeonghan poses questions and seems to both understand y/n and also not is such a good take on long distance friendships. I like how its jumping between knowing each other so well but also knowing that you may not bc of the distance and the fact they havent spoken in years. I love how reading this story made me feel melancholic, hopeful, and also satisfied. Melancholic because of the what could have beens, hopeful because sometimes the differences and distances won't fully sever ones connections with each other (in this case inyun if im understanding it correctly) and satisfied because each character had their own maturity and understanding over each other. That mattered to me cause well, drama is very prominent nowadays, no? Is it weird to say that they acted the way 30 year olds should? jhgkdf so this was great! My favorite parts: you don’t remind him to do so once you finally find your keys. instead you slip off your old, faded sneakers, drop your keys on the counter in the lime green dish you made in a pottery class two years ago, and greet him in the kitchen, kissing the side of his chin and reaching over his head to turn the exhaust fan on. he kisses your forehead as an apology, or at least he tries but you’ve already moved and his lips end up catching on the corner of your left eye.

i love the tiny details that are a testament to a marriage.

but beneath the straightforward request feels like a million subliminal ones. like he wants you to prove to him that you’ve made a life worth living here. like he wants to gallivant around new york telling you about a country that used to be home and asking you what would have happened if you didn’t go all those years ago. 

ngl, this hits close to home again bc when you leave home, people will always wonder the same thing.

there used to be oceans and countries and cultures and decades standing between you and him, but somehow now, all of that has compressed into four squares of broken concrete. you were never very good at maths. jeonghan, the one who comforted you whenever you cried over it, knows that best. but even you know that there is no way 20 years can turn into 20 feet.

this was just so damn poetic, i actually had to pause and BREATHE.

and the call ends in 4 minutes. 

this was really short but captures how your world can turn upside down in just a few minutes.

“i came to see you.” 

you don’t take your eyes off his. what is it they say about eyes again? windows to the soul?

“but you and joshua.”

you flinch. 

“you guys have those layers of inyun.”

“all 8000,” you whisper back to him, like the world might burst if you spoke any louder.

its like toeing between a confession or congratulation sdkjhfdkjgh

“how many layers do we have?”

a number hangs off the tip of your tongue. but the world will burst if you say it outloud. so you don’t. for the world, for yourself, for joshua. 

y/n was very real for this and honestly not everything has to be said. i really love this part because it shows y/n's integrity and also her wisdom.

“you’re it for me.” joshua tells you quietly. “you make my life so much bigger.”

my gosh, the way i nearly cried here. WHY SETTLE FOR I LOVE YOU WHEN THERE'S THISSSSSS???!!!

“but i-” he hesitates here, mouth opening and closing like he can’t decide what kind of conversation he wants this to be. “it’s like there’s this whole portion of your brain that will always be out of reach. like i can see it there in the distance, but i can’t get to it.” 

this makes total sense but i cant explain it. its like you want to know every version of someone before they came to be what you know but you know you can't but theres still that grief.

“i didn’t think liking your husband would hurt this much.” (almost). “i can tell he really loves you.”

bc how can you not like him? it def hurts to like him bc that means he's already won anyway.

“yesterday, you asked me why i didn’t try to keep talking back then.” jeonghan continues. “the truth i learned here is that it wouldn’t have mattered how hard i tried even if i did. you were always going to leave because you’re you. and i liked you because you’re you. and who you are is someone who leaves.”

THIS DID MAKE ME TEARY EYED. I was told the exact last sentence before. And i understand how you can't really help it..life is so big and for some, life outside your home country is even bigger.

“but for joshua,” jeonghan says, eyes scanning across the bar, staring at every bartender and every customer before finally, finally, landing on you, “you’re someone who stays.”

no words. really. you blew my mind.

“i haven’t been that kid for a long time now,” you frown, watching jeonghan’s pupils dart back and forth between yours, “but they still existed. they were still real.”

this is very important bc connections and who you once were in the past are very much real...they just don't die because its past. This does circle back to the inyun theme too.

he smiles. and you feel something break apart in your heart.

“i’ll see you then.”

in another life, jeonghan is more than just a series of goodbyes. but in this one, he gets in the uber, and you don’t imagine seeing him again. you don’t think you will. because for the first time in this life, you're not the one that left–he was.  

In another liiiifeeee, I would be youuuurrr giiiirrllll

“i’m sorry,” you finally say, before falling into his arms. the sob that’s been waiting in the bottom of your soul for the past 20 years comes bursting out of your throat. you cry into your husband's shoulder. you feel the weight of all your past lives and all your future ones like they aren't in the past or in the future, like they're now beside you begging you to imagine what could’ve been and what was. 

joshua holds the back of your head. he doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t need to. it’s all been said before. instead he kisses the corner of your eye and takes you home. 

at this point i posted the whole fic. this ending? damn. I really had to take a break from my phone. This was wayyyyy to fitting of an end. I loved joshua's response and the corner of the eye? way to circle back! It's the grief over something you can't truly control but also the happiness of where you are now. I'm not sure how you wanted the end to be if its like a missed connection between jeonghan and y/n or if its grieving over what could have been, or the hope that maybe in the next one its them, or that joshua had always been it but theres that almost with jeonghan. Or it could be all of the above, still this was beautifully written. I apologize for the long review but i just had to express my awe and love for what you've written! Please don't feel obligated to reply just as long or at all! I just wanted to let you know how much your work stuck with me. Thank you for sharing this with us <3 I hope you have the bestest day ever! P.S This unreleased song of woozi fits too! What Kind of Future

i don't mind you leaving this ask at all and the length is more than fine, it's encouraged even!! when i got this ask, i started scrolling and gasped when i saw how long it was. and not in a bad way but in a-i can't believe anyone would take the time to write all this out-way. so thank you thank you thank you!!!

i am going to put the rest of my response under the read more :)) (warning my response is very long lol)

when i was watching the movie/the trailer for the movie i also had very similar concerns that it would be a cheating plot, and i don't really enjoy cheating plotlines much so it was such a pleasant surprise when it was the opposite almost?? i was in awe. and the last sentence of your paragraph here, really hits the nail of what i was trying to do with this piece and what i think the film was doing as well. the sadness over what could have been but what isn't, while also appreciating and enjoying what is. you should most definitely watch the movie though! especially since you also immigrated countries. the story of the movie is based off something that actually happened in the director's life and it's just such a raw beautiful story that is so so real and authentic. i have never actually migrated to another country before, so everything about that was either from the movie or just me imagining what that would be like based on either my background (my parents are immigrants) or other media. anyways, im being extremely wordy, but basically, the experience of the main character here isn't one that i share with them, but the director of the movie does! so you should check it out !

i really liked how you brought up the tompkins square park part and how main character doesn't like it anymore because it almost feels like another reflection of them leaving a place they used to call home and not really feeling like they belong there or like they're that person that lived there anymore. kind of a mirror of how they feel about their home country.

everything you've said here is just sooo spot on!! you understood this piece wholly and completely.

and it's not a weird thing to say at all that they acted like 30 year olds haha in my head i actually imagined them as around that age lol, like early 30 somethings

and what you said about drama... yes! i think this piece would be considered a drama but it's not dramatic. it's such an understated and subtle drama that feels like it's happening in the silences of conversations. (this holds true for the movie especially. i think in interview or something the director said that this story is told mainly through by what isn't being said, it's told through the silences)

abt your fave parts:

i love adding little details like that in, details that make the characters and their lives feel like they go off the pages of the story,, so im really happy that you liked that

abt the line that goes "there used to be oceans and countries..." -- im so so so glad you liked it, i put a lot of effort and made a lot of different versions of this line. so im glad it hit for you the way i hoped it would

and what you said about toeing between confession and congratulation... yup! yeah! exactly!

the line that goes "you're it for me... you make my life so much bigger" was a mash up of a line from the movie and something someone said to me irl :) and it was indeed a very beautiful way to confess love

dang someone actually telling you that exact sentence before is absolutely insane!! im starting to think that maybe you should be the one to write this piece seriously! but also, you have GOT to watch this movie

im so glad you enjoyed the ending!! it's my favorite part as well!! the corner of the eye thing!! so happy you picked up on that. as for what i wanted to the end to be like.... i am a sucker for an open ending and although this ending is less open than others i have written it still is pretty vague... so to your answer your question, the ending is whatever you want it to be. honestly, i don't even know what the ending should be like. but the options you listed (missed connection, or grieving what could have been, etc.) are all ones that were also bouncing around in my mind as i watched the movie and wrote this piece. (for me, i think its mainly grieving what could have been, but also just a mesh of all 4 of the ones you said. emotions can be quite complex huh?)

again, pls don't apologize for the length of this review. it's a dream come true. thank you again for reading this piece, thinking so highly of it, and taking the time to leave this review for me. it makes all the brain rot i had over this film worth it. jk but again thank you. this review made my day and put the biggest smile on my face :))) i hope you have a wonderful day

[elisaintime]

I’d honestly feel so bad for Louis if all he gets is one sloppy bj lol, while Lestat get’s a side chick for decades. There is absolutely nothing wrong with open relationships and having multiple partners, but like…how can amc promote the show as this epic, beautiful love story if Lestat has a side chick for YEARS and flaunts her, while Louis only gets one bj one time from a dude he never sees again. And Louis and Claudia are cool with Lestat showing off his mistress….it doesn’t make sense lol (especially if Louis was already jealous of her beforehand) . If this really is the reason as to why Antoinette is in multiple episodes, then Louis should have his own side piece too!

I agree with you! This is why I'm holding out hope that Antoinette is NOT Lestat's girlfriend past their affair in episode 3, for however long it lasts (weeks? months?). The fact that she's NOT in episode 4 makes me think that once Claudia gets made, Antoinette is out of Lestat's life at least for a while. Claudia gets made in episode 3 (I'm guessing at the climax/end), then they spend all of episode 4 as a happy family doing vampire things... and then for SOME reason, Antoinette comes back in episode 5 and sticks around until the end of the season. Episode 4 covers 1923, so 6 years after Lestat met Antoinette. Episode 5 then would either start in 1923 as well, or perhaps even later. Maybe after being apart from Lestat for 6+ years, Antoinette and he get back together? Because the new-kid-induced-honeymoon is now over for Louis and Lestat? OR, as I am hoping, maybe Antoinette serves another role in the show? Maybe she becomes some sort of adversary for those last 3 episodes in the future of the vampire's lives? If Antoinette is in her 30s in 1917, then she'd be in her mid to upper 50s by episode 7 in 1940. 🤔🤔🤔

We do know that IF the TV show gets a Season 2, it will cover Louis and Claudia's time in Europe (meeting Armand, etc), but unlike a book where you can just cut a character out of it for half the story, you can't do that with your lead actor in a TV show. Actors have contracts that demand screen time! So the show will have to come up with a B plot for Sam Reid to be doing as Lestat during Season 2 while Louis and Claudia are in Europe. I was personally hoping this B plot would be mostly flashbacks to Lestat's past, BUT its possible that Antoinette will feature as his companion in Season 2. Since she's still around in Episode 7 of the first season, there's no reason not to suspect that they'll bring that actor back for the next one as well as part of whatever they're having Lestat do. Maybe her fate does end up being the same as Antoine's after all, and Lestat makes her a vampire after Claudia "kills" him? She'd be in her 50s, and seeing him with an older woman vampire companion (who's not his mom) would certainly be a change! UNLESS he made her a vampire way back in 1917 in Episode 3, and she remains as ageless as they do. In which case, why is she missing for all of Episode 4?? I am so curious!

[25shadesoffebruary]

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

Tagged By: @negrowhat

Name: Tyler

Star Sign: Pisces

Height: 5'7"

Time: 2:07PM

Birthday: February 25

Favorite Bands/Favorite Solo Artists: BTS (OT7), Kendrick Lamar, Drake, Rihanna, Beyonce, Daughter,  Hozier, Megan thee Stallion, TXT, Florence + The Machine, BANKS, Bruno Mars, Mary J. Blige, Usher, Paramore,

Last Movie: The Goonies (1985)

Last Show: My Secret Love

When did I create this blog: April 11th, 2013

What I post: I post about anything that interest me. Mostly tv shows that I am watching. But ill post things about photography, music, animals, literally anything that I like its on here.

Last thing I googled: How do you find out your first tumblr post

Other Blogs: Yes but its inactive because it was a blog with my other friends.

Do I Get Asks?: Sometimes, but not often. I guess no one wants to ask me anything.

Why I chose my url: its literally the date I was born and this blog is about me. I figured it made sense.

Following: 157

Followers: 1,002

Average hours of sleep: 8-9 if i don't have to work. if I have to work then about 4-5.

Instruments: does the flute count if you were forced to play it in elementary school.

What am I wearing: Old blue college shirt and blue pj pants I dont remember buying

Dream job(s): I dont have a dream job, i do not dream of labor. No im joking. Med Spa Owner and having a clinic for rape victims. I don't know the technical term for it.

Favourite Food: Anything with potatoes and you have me.

Nationality: American

Favourite Song(s):  You Got it Bad by Usher, Outro:Tear by BTS, Black Swan by BTS, a lot of 90-00 RNB songs.

Currently playing on repeat: Count Me Out by Kendrick Lamar, What If by J-Hope, Alien Superstar by Beyonce

Last book I read: (don't judge me okay) The MistWalker by Regine Abel

Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: Studio Ghilbi Unvierse, and Disney Universe, idk just those two.

tagged: WHOEVER WANTS TO DO IT.

[finyx7733]

06/05/24

Affirmations: I am worthy of love I am capable of great things I am not a burden I am made of stardust and magick

So I woke up today with a lot of anxiety, I'm restless and I feel an overwhelming sense of dread, my limbs feel as if they are filled with sand, they are heavy and weighted down. All I want to do is cry or scream. Maybe break something, but I know that isn't going to help make me feel any better. I'm going to try and turn it around, and do things today that spark joy and make me feel productive. My therapist V gave me some journaling prompts to help me when I am feeling like this, one of them is called P.I.E.S. I think I will follow the prompt and see if it helps.

How do I feel physically today? Physically I feel drained, I didn't fall asleep until 2:30-3:00am and I woke up super early, so I am exhausted. My limbs feel as if they are weighted down and I am having trouble concentrating. My mind is racing and I can't seem to keep my thoughts straight. I know it's part of my mania but that doesn't make it any easier to overcome. I am hyper-fixating on the stupidest of things and I can't seem to focus on anything for a long period of time. It's just frustrating.

Am I intellectually stimulated? Today I am going to try and do some research on different things, I want to learn more about my BPD and Paganism. I think that will stimulate my brain and maybe help me focus some of this energy.

How do I feel emotionally today? Emotionally I am feeling good. My mood is really high and even though I feel anxious I'm in good spirits. I do feel a bit restless but I think I just need to do something physical, maybe go for a walk or clean something to get out this energy.

How do I feel spiritually today? I sat out in nature and just listened to some soft calming music, it made me feel at peace, though it is 105 degrees out today, and after a while, I got too hot to just sit out there so I came inside. I started watching videos about paganism last night, it was really interesting. I'm going to take notes and I will share what I learn.

Today is kind of a slow day, I have a therapy appointment at 1 pm which I'm a little anxious about, I don't know why V is really nice but I've only met with her one time and I'm afraid we are going to go into some heavy stuff and I don't know how it's going to affect me. I have been manic for two days now, I think I've had 7 hours of sleep in two days. Last night I didn't go to bed until 4 am and I was awake at 7:30 am because the dogs had to go out and they were barking. I'm not tired though nor am I grumpy so I will take the win. I'm hoping I will be able to sleep tonight but I suppose only time will tell.

Mimi had to go to work today, she is working at a Dude Ranch in the kitchen and she absolutely loves it. She says the staff are amazing and her boss is just lovely. I'm glad she found a place to work that brings her joy, she is such a kind and caring person she deserves some happiness in her life.

Before she got this job we would do the household chores together, we would pick one day out of the week and just get shit done, but now that she is working I don't think its fair for her to have to clean the house on her days off and since I'm not working I decided that I would surprise her and do all the chores myself. Trying to get them all done in one day alone was difficult, so I made a list of chores and broke them down. To keep myself from getting overwhelmed I picked one chore and assigned it to a day of the week. So while she is at work, I can do something productive and help out around the house.

Mind you there are some things I do daily, like the dishes, feeding the dogs, make my bed and declutter our living space. Here is what my chore list looks like in case anyone was wondering. Sunday: Bathroom. (toilet, sink, mirrors, floors, and trash) Monday: nothing. Tuesday: Laundry (wash and dry, put away) Wednesday: Bedroom (trash, vacuum, wipe down surfaces) Thursday: Closet (declutter, vacuum) Friday: nothing Saturday: nothing

I had my appointment with V and everything went really well. She listened to the goals that I've created to make sure they were reasonable goals and then she suggested I tried yoga. She said it is all about breathing and being intuned with your body. So I'm going to give it a try and see if it is something that piques my interest. I have several walking videos I have saved, so I am thinking maybe I'll do yoga 4 days out of the week and the walking videos the other 3 days out of the week. That way I move my body everyday, this will help me to lose weight. Mimi will be home soon and then we will probably start dinner, I'm not really sure what we are having tonight but whatever it is will be great. Mimi is a really good cook. I have some videos I want to watch so I think I'm going to go take the dogs out and do a little research. Ta for now.

[orphancookie69]

My Infertility Journey: Part 6

There are so many things I thought I would not do again and yet here I am. Hope is a dangerous thing. Eggs are here, now the question of...Should I carry or not?

To Catch Up:

Part 5

Part 4 

Part 3 

Part 2 

Part 1 

October 2023:

So. Egg retrieval came, eggs went to testing, body came back. The body when it comes back comes back sooner and with a vengeance. The body feels like it did not complete the first one because the eggs were taken out and it starts again. That cycle tends to be one of the heavier ones. Doctor put me on Birth Control, Enskyce, to calm the factory down while we wait for the results of the embryo grading. I also transferred my embryo from Egg Retrieval #1 to join its new sibling embryo at the new office. Embryo transfer was $250, and a little nerve racking.

My partner goes to a new chiropractor, his wife specializes in fertility. My partner forced me to speak to her, Dr Alicia McDonough of Good Health & Wellness Chiropractic. Partners out there, don't force your partner to do something-let them do it when it makes sense to them and trust them. Anyways, here are the results of the consultation:

What is red light therapy? From what she said, it was using lights to increase blood flow to help heal the body naturally. Need to look more into this. 

Do I consume 120-130 grams of protein per day? I ran the numbers, my normal routine put me at about 100. By doubling up the amount of protein powder in my AM/Lunch smoothie, I hit 120, and any other snacks would be protein bonuses. 

Adding resistance training? I do 30 minutes a day, I need to look at what that is resistance training and possibly up 30 to 45 minutes by adding 15 minutes of resistance training. 

Trading CoQ10 for Ubiquinol? I am on CoQ10 as a prenatal but also help with migraine management. I was told Ubiquinol is the more effective version of that, apparently vitamins are the tip of the iceberg and supplements are better than vitamins. I was told Ubiquinol was sold at Coscto, but I did not see it. This makes for better egg quality, which assumes a third round of making eggs in the future. 

DHEA testing, and MTHFR testing? Yes. How did these tests get missed? 

Future possibility: track my own cycle at home with ovation sticks (determine my cycle peak), track my temperature in the morning (figure out if I run warm or cold), get the endometriosis confirmed and cleaned up surgically (how and who does that?), Recover, Use red light therapy, and try to have kids on my own on a year off if IVF fails? To confirm endo: Laparoscopy and laparotomy. Recovery is usually 6 weeks (almost 2 months). 

Future Possibility #2: If Egg Retrieval #2 does not work, maybe I should focus on egg quality vs quantity. Question then becomes, do I work with Dr. Mcdonough on that? Does she tell me what to tell my IVF doctor? Is that IVF? 

Present Question: If my eggs are indicative of what I was doing 4 months ago, was I in an ok place 4 months ago for ER #2? I started low fodmap and exercise in July, ER #2 was in September, so May? Maybe. 

Past Question: Based on the 4 month assumption being right, what about ER #1? In 2020? Are low quality eggs why no embryo from ER#1 has made it? I transferred the last embryo from ER #1, is it worth implanting then?

The consultation was $50. She mentioned mindset being important, and not thinking you are the issue. This is where I am going to disagree with her, while I would not have chosen to be this burden on my partner financially and every other way-there is a small part of this I can own. Once you own it, you can take control of it. I could of doubted my parent and checked it out myself. She mentioned weight not being an issue, while that was nice to hear-its not entirely true. We agreed a strong body can be a healthy body and the overall weight number isn't the end all be all. It was interesting, but not much help on the current path. More a future path, but I am too close to the current path to see beyond the woods.

Back to the current path, the enskyce started to give me migraines and nausea. I switched, with approval, and waited for the PGT results. Once those are in, we do an uterine evaluation and endoscratch prior to my transfer cycle. We received the results: the one embryo that made it was abnormal/aneuploid. We had a follow up appointment with our doctor to discuss next steps.

We spoke with Dr J Lin. He was shocked at our results. I was told to stop taking Birth Control, and call on the first day of my next cycle. Based on Egg Retrieval #2 results, and looking at an ultrasound today-it was advised to check back in after a month of no hormones to start Egg Retrieval #3. Egg Retrieval #3 would be longer (despite the fact that ER#2 was already longer than normal) and more days of Menopur. Financial department would call me with an estimate for ER#3 and I was advised to take the prenatal vitamins and supplements-as he confirmed your eggs are a reflection of the last 3 months. I stopped Birth Control. I also started to take my temperature daily and using Premom app/thermometer to determine some of my own data. I also started to do at home: red light therapy, cervical spine traction device, and a tens machine.

November 2023:

Next cycle was estimated for 4 weeks from the appointment-around the 4th week of November. Between the holidays and everything else-we decided to take the rest of the year off. It was nice to be able to enjoy the holidays.

December 2023:

I started the learning curve of gathering and understanding the data from my cycles using daily Basal Body Temperature checks and LH checks. In October, I also initiated the transfer of Eggs from ER#1 to join the eggs from ER#2 and found out that never got completed. So we decided in January to revisit that when everyone was back to work.

January 2024:

New year, same fight. I gathered 3 months of data using Premom, it is pretty interesting. We also picked up where we left off in the Egg Transfer. I forgot how many abnormal embryos I had, and wondered why they were even being stored if no one really had a good argument for implanting them? My partner wanted to keep them, based on a suggestion from a family friend, but honestly it did not make sense to me. But, as they are my eggs-we had to choose to dissolve them and sign the paperwork to do so.

In my head there were a couple of things at play. First of all, this would be year 5 or year 6 of trying to have a kid, and I was really worried about doing this for 10 years and having nothing to show for it and having that change me (for the worse). That being said, I have yet to give up so the options were: try an implant with the new office, implant an embryo into a stranger, or try for more eggs. While I know, if I choose to continue this journey I can't avoid another ER, getting 0 from ER#2 was (and still does) suck. Once we finally had the eggs of play in place, we met with the doctor to discuss next steps.

February 2024:

So it was arranged for Cryoport transported my embryos from Ovation Fertility in Newport Beach to Reproductive Fertility Care in Irvine, CA. Transport went well, thank goodness. Next order of business was to dissolve the abnormals at Ovation Fertility. I was quite torn about dissolving them. But its hard to make a case to keep them. I closed out the account, and I am glad I did. The way that company acted towards me, with my objects, was not ok.

March 2024:

I was put on Birth Control to calm my system down and on the day we would have implanted on that cycle, we decided to do a Mock Embryo Transfer, SIS, and Ultrasound. That went well. Upon the next cycle start, we set an implant date for the last normal embryo in our storage.

April 2024:

Next cycle came and we did a prenatal blood draw and ultrasound. The ultrasound looked good. Started taking a mix of pills, patches, injections, and suppositories. At first there were no injections, which was nice time to prepare the body for them. Closer to implant the injections started in the back for progesterone and in the front for blood thinners. We also did 1 round of Intralipids before the implant. I was going to implant both my mosaic and normal but ended up being talked out of it. On implant day we arrived 30 minutes early, I started filling up my bladder 1 hour before the actual appointment time. Implant went perfectly. Came home and rested and eased into my new normal. Went in for the blood test almost 2 weeks later and found out the implant did not take, my hCG levels were less than 1-and those values should double every day (and be like 5-10 value). The only positive in this sad time is that a failed implant is a failed implant, because it did not take-it does not count as a miscarriage.

Me and my partner decided to remove me from the equation as far as carrying goes. I am going to recover, he's going to work and save money. I am 32 years old this year, by the time we get to 35-40...we are in trouble if we don't have results - as far as my body goes. So if I can get one more Egg Retrieval done after rest by 35, and let someone else carry it-we can still make this happen. It is pretty amazing how many years can go by trying to do this thing though, this is year 5/6 for us so far.

Ya know it's a funny thing, the longer I do this-the less self conscious I feel about it? Like before I would be all worried for anyone to know I was too busy because of an injection, and while I boldly share this via text-I still kind of keep it private ish? It is funny how things change in such a short amount of time, just a couple of years ago I was terrified to even jump in.