#its a deeply personal thing y'know to share these things with people i have to look in the eye

[obsidian-goblet]

I went out for lunch with my sister today, and she was regaling me with tales of conversations shes had with other people, regarding my General Vibe and the fact I sometimes write.

Hey! I say, enthusiastically. Do you wanna know what Im writing now?

Yeah! she says.

Monster porn!

She wasnt even surprised, she just went lmao ofc you are. Didnt question it at all.

[its-short-for-jackalope]

THE SEARCHER IN THE SHADOWS

☆ Thoughts On Part One ☆

I have many thoughts and feelings and I am definitely not gonna be able to wrangle every last one in here, but I can do my darnedest to hit most of the big ones!

Dropped From The Clouds

The contrast of this first song compared to the start of TGOA makes me a little insane. Both songs are full of questions and uncertainty and take place after the characters have been teleported to another time and place, but When Are We? has the comfort and assurance of being with friends while Dropped From The Clouds has Rose isolated and alone without any familiar faces, and the parallel just reminds me of how much has changed and how quickly things are continuing to change. When are we going to slow down? Not now, it seems.

Dakkar's introduction, oh my god — "I'm nobody." [mildly threatening Radiance noises] "Give me the orrery." — and then he immediately goes into science mode. I need to draw him so bad. Also, side note, I already adore Jesse Bhamrah's voice.

He was/is a Traveler and a Searcher? so it seems the titles aren't mutually exclusive, then. I wonder if his unclear status as a Traveler has anything to do with whatever he's got going on that we heard in Transmission 14.

Fast Friends

CAPTAIN ADDISON ARVAD!!!!!! THE SCREAM I WANTED TO SCRUMPT!!! (also Natalie Masini sounds amazing)

"Lower your weapon, for God's sake." "The gun was your idea." I love them, your honor

So Dakkar and Addison were absolutely taking precautions in case Kal had possessed Rose, right? That's the vibe I get, anyway. Maybe they know he's capable of doing that sort of thing (maybe Sia has seen it happen? or, y'know, ✨️seen✨️ it) and that's why they wanted to check if she knew the GAD's publication date—Kal doesn't seem to automatically gain his host's knowledge, like when he didn't seem to know Morgan had already been sent away, so if he was possessing Rose then he probably wouldn't have known the date.

...Actually wait, you know what? Maybe it was Itzal they were worried about. We don't really know anything about what magic he could have at his disposal—maybe he can also possess people or change his form. and since he's a bigger, badder threat, I think it could make more sense for them to avoid saying his name rather than Kal's. 🤔

ADDISON IS A ROSE FAN???? ROSE IS PRETTY FAMOUS ON THEIR ISLAND??!? THEY HAVE A BRICK FROM TOWNSHIP NUMBER 9??!!?! Rose deserves the hype 100% of course but I have so many questions

okay I didn't expect Rose to meet Addison the very hour she arrived 2 weeks in the past, so I did not consider the fact that she and the crew would be here and they wouldn't have disappeared yet. I am now deeply afraid, because I know something happens to her. I have been so afraid of how the time travel will hurt me irt the twins that I didn't think about how many OTHER ways the time travel could hurt me.....

AND ROSE CAN'T WARN HER!!! So she just has to keep her mouth shut and let it happen and Addison must know that something happens, she and Dakkar didn't seem surprised that Rose didn't know who she was, but she's gonna go in blind anyway... 😭😭😭 okay wait, what if Addison and Sia's plan was for them to leave the Antikythera drifting for the others to find, but instead of returning to Lincoln Island Addison and her crew disappeared??

Destiny Strange and Sublime

...well now I just feel silly for not even considering that Dakkar would be the Searcher in the shadows 😂

I can't quite tell if the people he mentions he'd been unable to save is like... a personal thing, as in he actively failed to save them because of his own mistakes, or if it's more of a shared grief for the Blazing World and all its inhabitants. the first interpretation is definitely more angsty, lol.

I wish I had more coherent thoughts on this one but at this current time it mostly boils down to ohh pretty music, Dakkar is cool, Jesse Bhamrah is awesome, et cetera.

Arrival, part 1

HELLO PART 1 SONG!!!! I am excited to see how parts 2 and 3 may emotionally devastate me in the coming week!

so many people from the Blazing World! pleasantly surprised my island of refugees theory was correct. then again, I've spouted off enough theories that odds are at least some of them gotta be right, lol

Ahlaam my beloved!!! Virginia's voice is gorgeous, omfg.

The different creatures and plants from all over the world.... have the Searchers been looking for things that remind them of the Blazing World and bringing them back to the island to make it feel more like home? Crafting a facsimile of the Blazing World from pieces of Earth? (aough, and I thought "Ipomoea, just like home!" couldn't hurt any more than it already did...)

the phrasing of "OUR planet's biggest ocean" is interesting to me. Is the Blazing World connected to Earth somehow, thereby making it the same planet in some way, or is it just that this island has been home long enough for Ahlaam to feel attached? Or. Or. If the Blazing World is on the moon, then it would make sense for Ahlaam to refer to the Earth as her planet because the moon revolves around it and it's the moon's planet. (yes, hi, hello, it's a new pulp episode, we are once again in the Overthink Everything And Fire Off A Bazillion Theories era <3 )

They've been waiting for Rose for YEARS? ...would that be since 1835, or 1829? and we know they've been waiting for Margaret because, well, duh, but have they been waiting for Samuel and John, too? or are they all just Rose stans?

the crew of the Antikythera....... 😭😭😭

I love that a good portion of this song is basically just Ahlaam going "check out our sweet digs" lmao

The nights have been dark but this is the spark that will set the whole lighthouse ablaze — YELLING RIGHT NOW, oh my god. lighthouses are guides through darkness and stormy weather and they also cut through fog, I want to bite something (/pos)

this has got to be both very nice and very overwhelming for Rose, lol.

Addison & Dakkar and Ahlaam & Dakkar are both very fun dynamics

A Spell Is Just A Rule Made With Magic

THE FOG IS FROM A SPELL!!! ITZAL CAST A SPELL AND CORRUPTED HIS PEOPLE! "It saturates the heart with darkness 'till you forget life before the blight" oh my god, he convinced all of them that the fog is how they always were & were meant to be? No wonder Kal considers Sia and Margaret traitors. So when Kal says "soon the Blazing World will meet its end" he might not be talking about an actual place—in his mind he's probably talking about the traitors' movement & the ridiculous, dangerous ideas they have about replacing Itzal's world with one of light...

"A spell is just a rule made with magic, and any rule can be broken" AOUGH. CHILLS.

ooh they believe Rose is the key? aw man this adds more weight to "I was a hero and the heroes win — don't they?" in Vanishing...

"Capital." oh my god Mr. Dahan you can't do this to me. The similarities between Dakkar and AJ have to be intentional, right?? ...oh god, is Dakkar gonna make a bad deal to save lives? Is he gonna sacrifice himself in some way to save his people?

Two Weeks

I love this montage, it's such a nice way to go through this part. also I just really like how this whole first part is structured, having this entire part dedicated to Rose in this time is a great way to handle the time travel without being confusing by jumping back and forth, AND it gives us time to get to know the new characters a little bit! It's also a bit of a breather after how hectic the end of TGOA was. (I feel like part 2 is going to get super intense super quickly, lol.)

So they start with science and testing her mind, giving Rose access to all their research to see if she figures out anything there. And then they go to the volcano and scan her, starting to test her body for evidence that she might be able to help them in some magical way. (They're probably still going over the research too, ofc. Those were a lot of books, Dakkar.)

Day 9!!! Sia is here!!! I desperately want to know exactly what she and Addison were talking about. I think it might be a plan to abandon the Antikythera for Margaret and the others to find in a few days, but that's mostly speculation.

also Sia seems so much more relaxed and at ease here. maybe it's because she's at home with her people and she can be less secretive than she was on the satellite? (and because she isn't in a literal magic battle, lmao.)

Dakkar mentions phase three and they go to the lake to try doing stuff with illusion magic—do they want to try using magic on Rose to see if they can get her to activate whatever magic she may have? Or maybe how Rose reacts to the illusion magic could reveal something...?

Rose not wanting to go in the water, aoughhh 😭 and Sia helping her when she's scared 😭😭😭

Dakkar's Grotto / Mobilis In Mobili

when I saw this scene during the premiere I said "holy sci fi" and I stand by that. this environment is so cool. I wonder why the rest of the island isn't like this when they're clearly people with a lot of knowledge and technology... it's probably a matter of supplies. They fled to this island from Itzal and his spell, so they wouldn't have had time to pack a lot of stuff. I imagine whatever they did manage to bring and/or build is all dedicated to their efforts to find a cure and protect everyone.

we know they haven't found anything yet because they're still testing Rose's blood. man, that's gotta be stressful for her. (And the Radiance folks, yeah, but c'mon. so much pressure on Rose right now and she's brand new to all this. 🥺)

The Nautilus is here!!! and it's a spaceship!!! AHHHH!!! 🤩

SHIT IS GOING DOWNNNNNNN! Margaret is radiating and I am going to be Thinking about what it means that Sia can sense it—is it a part of her precognitive abilities? is it part of whatever bond they have that allows them to combine their power?

Rose blurting out a warning about the fog and Ahlaam and Sia immediately getting more concerned.... I hope that maybe since she waited until right before Sia left it won't influence anything negatively, if at all—it's only a very small part of the present that will be influenced and it's not like they totally altered their actions across two weeks to accommodate for that information so I'm sure it's fine. hopefully.

Rose is worried about Samuel almost drowning like she did (and is/will be)... she is not going to like hearing about the dangers he's actually facing. well, if anything is gonna wake up potential magic in her, learning that one of the bad guys attacked & has been harassing her baby brother will probably a good contenderrrrroh fuck I had a thought. uh, stay tuned, we'll get there.

oh god the Ellen Austin will be arriving soon and Samuel and Rose will reunite (they BETTER REUNITE ASAP) and Rose is going to be two weeks older and I am going to perish

not the little reprise of The stars appeared... that made me so sad last time.... 😭 I love how this version of it is positive. the parallels,,,,,,

Rose and the Stars

IT'S HERE AT LAST!!!!

The past stays soaked into our skin 😭

we are lit by suns that shatter through the dark.....

WE TRAVEL WITH THE SPIRITS THAT WE KEEP — ough, makes me think of the ghost of all my yesterdays in Behind Me. also the change from "Don't spend a second looking back" in ep 1 to "only looking back to see how much we've grown" has me feeling things idk how to describe rn, lol

THE CONSTELLATIONS TURN INTO A CROWN!!!!!! 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣

Rose will shine again 🥺😭❤

A Few More Thoughts

Is the day Sia arrives also the day Addison and her crew left the island? we don't hear from her after this, and her disappearance isn't mentioned in the rest of part one but Sia knows that something happened to the crew when she confronts Kal on the Ellen Austin. If they had a plan for the Searcher crew to return to Lincoln Island and leave the ship for the others to find & investigate to kickstart Margaret's memories, but then the crew just didn't show up, I would think it would be mentioned? Unless they didn't want to overwhelm Rose and distract her from her work, or maybe they avoided discussing Addison & the Antikythera with her because of time travel rules...

oh and it is gonna take me a bit to grasp the time travel rules, lol. (sorry Matt, I haven't seen any Back To The Future since I was a kid.) I am going to be pondering the timeline for a while, particularly where Sia is involved. I feel like they probably want to avoid going back into the past as much as possible just based on how they are with Rose and how they put a lot of effort into not altering the present with her information about the future, but I don't think Sia would have gone from 1835 and skipped right ahead 39 years and stayed there? Like she has people to take care of and plans to make, she probably wouldn't just disappear on them for such a long time? maybe the Travelers who are experienced in abiding by Time Travel Rules are able to navigate backwards in time with more freedom because they know what they're doing. idk, like I said it's gonna take me a bit to wrap my head around this. maybe parts 2 & 3 will make it a little clearer.

OKAY, CONTINUING MY SAMUEL THOUGHT FROM EARLIER: Sia and her bunch believe Rose is the key. What if Itzal and Kal think Samuel is the key? What if that is why Kal was interested in Samuel on the Ellen Austin and why he seemed to really delight in antagonizing him? If Kal was hanging around long enough beforehand to see how close Margaret and Samuel are, then that could have convinced him that Samuel is Important™ to the Blazing World and that Margaret knows he is important to them. And maybe both sides are only halfway there, maybe it's both twins, together, who are the key, and that's why they haven't made progress towards the cure with Rose over their 2 weeks.

okay there are probably plenty of things that I'm missing and more that i could come up with and tack on, but I've been working on this post since last night and i want to finish it and get to other things so I am calling it here, lol.

...that is a horribly long sentence but I am not editing it. hope you enjoyed. <3

[hollowsart]

ALRIGHT, HERE'S MY LANTERN CORPS HOT TAKES:

I think in my au the Indigo Tribe should be less horrible overall tbh The concept of them taking and making people who lack compassion and empathy FEEL those things is good, but oh my gosh all those other things are SOOOO BAD.

A lot of the other lantern types, too, should get some reworking. Make them make more sense along the emotional spectrum which overlaps with the spectrum of light.

it's a bit cliche, but it makes far more sense and is far easier to understand than whatever convoluted thing DC has going.

(this is all just me btw and there's probably a LOT of stuff I don't know cuz there's thousands of comics out there and I cannot be bothered to go through and read any of them.

this is all I have rn for whatever I could come up with):

People who have a lot of compassion and empathy should be chosen for the Indigo Tribe. If they have an astoundingly bright indigo/purple aura they should be picked up to join them in their efforts to share their emotions with others.

It's not a permanent solution to the people who lack that part of them, but it would certainly help, I think. In the long run.

I do like the red lantern concept of the fact they're so consumed by rage and hate that they can't really remove their rings. Not safely, at least. Requiring a pink and blue lantern to be nearby to make it safe with their light and abilities.

However.. I think what could be cool is if the rings COULD create constructs. The constructs dissipate fast , but they hit hard. The constructs are usually quite violent in nature, taking from the negative emotions that fills the wearer. Their constructs can still be whatever they want, but it's usually whatever will hurt their opponent the most.

Yellow lanterns are similar in how their constructs are meant to terrorize and torment their opponents, otherwise it's quite limited.

Another thing for the Indigo Tribe is that some members are people who used to lack empathy and compassion being so horrifically overwhelmed felt so deeply to repent and atone for their sins and crimes. They joined and accepted a ring and swore an oath to be redeemed. It's a long and arduous journey, though, but they're willing to go at it until they die, pretty much. It's not often that this happens, however, but the Indigo people are very welcoming to newcomers. They work together to become stronger and better as people and help see to it that those they help also get better as a person.

I know why DC is trying to do this with the lantern corps, but it's really convoluted (many people have mentioned how confusing and unclear a lot of it is) and NOT working.

Like.. why the heck would the embodiment of love be a creature called "Predator" ??? Excuse me?? That gives such horrid connotations.

It could still be a monster in appearance, but let's, y'know, probably rename it to something far more.. fitting for the emotion of love? (Heck, what if it was a single entity, but it had more than one head (8) and each head had its own name representing the various forms of love? Agape, philia, ludus, philautia, pragma, storge, mania, and eros. That would be more clever tbh)

the more extreme the emotion, the more likely the user is to cry. when our emotions get too much, our bodies regulate this by crying. or whatever the equivalent is for the various aliens that make up the various lantern corps.

the strongest and most likely to fall to a fit of crying out of the lanterns is: Red, Blue, Purple/Indigo, and Pink/Violet.

[icy-watch]

And wowwwie. Because Azure isn't just like that with Wukong, but DBK too! Y'all need to learn how to be whumpy losers like Mackie over there and know when to give up /j it'll save you the pain. You're down bad for your original image of Wukong, but in all the wrong ways. You never really knew him. Azure would be great on call out and discourse twitter with the hot shots he thinks he's throwing about the whole situation with Princess Iron Fan and DBK deciding he doesn't want to rule the world now, just wants to be a family man. "Just another beast serving the will of the Monkey King." fr, even Mackie wasn't this obsessed when he was bothering MK with his ~ you're just like the hero~ helps that he changes his mind later and was less seething about it to begin with. Azure is like. "Wukong ruined my life." / srs, kind of hatred and is all "woe is us for what has become of our sworn brother." Speaking of people being obsessed with others. Why is Peng always talking about Macaque lmaooo. "That coward has tucked himself away where even I can't sniff him out." What makes you think he'd want to join? Probably heard you were looking. But Yeah, he's hanging out on FFM in some little cave area above where Wukong lives I think??? Was that place in the pilots, or was it the secret place we saw Wukong eating peaches that one episode?" Are they roommates with Mackie living rent free up there??? I gotta knoww pffff. But yo "sniff" y'know, Peng's VA suggested they might have a hate-crush on Mackie which is HILARIOUS. like, they only remember the one from before so that little fluffball??? that's the one you want???? what appeals to you, the fact past!Mackie is someone you can step on with those boots er talons? Ooh we just reached the sweet scene of MK and the baby monkey ugh I wuv them, and I see Mackie's cave has a nice view of the sun there ha-! and the lanterns I told you about!! sweet, those lanterns were also present during the Brotherhood dinner, 100% had to have been Mackie's design choice. its his trademark pretty much. There is logically no way Wukong just decided to leave them hanging in some random cave here too hence = bud totally lives here. We caught him sleeping here with baby monkey later XD awww. also his FACE when MK and friends drop in, he is SO proud of MK but will not say it. Also interesting eh? Monkie Gang share the opposite qualities of the Pilgrims. the ones they had to learn. the things that led to enlightenment. now they need to adopt the thing their ancestors had to let go of. but they also reject the destiny of being and doing things like their ancestors. this is part of the one thing that makes me ok with show! Tripitaka bc they're making the story more of the classic hero team journey personal growth thing by having Tripitaka learn THE MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP. we will see if I change my mind seeing the context of "Monkey! No violence!" Zhu Bajie becoming a "deeply caring and protective creature" cracks me up. He didn't achieve enlightenment and caused Wukong problems every step of the way when the Monk believed him every time. Like there's def some deeper representation and allegorical stuff there, but it escapes me atm. "The heart you have in abundance." was also pretty funny tho, bc Tripitaka represents the heart where Wukong is the mind. And Zhu and him were so often on the same page mmm. wonder if its on purpose.

I kinda wondered about Peng's obsession with Macaron too. It's possibly they have a lil bit of a crush on Mackie, but it's also possible that it's jealousy.

Oh, it's totally on purpose there.

[curious-chaosmagiic]

🌸 Welcome to the forest !! 🪲

((content warning for bugs on my blog)) this is my online alter / religious blog / book of shadows / grimoire- its a personal witch journal pretty much lol,,, hope you enjoy your stay!

Don't be afraid to send me an ask!!! you can just say hi if you want or ask me about a bug and its meanings! anything really I love answering stuff !!

★ I go by chaos, i'm a 20, white, transmasc agender, aroace, autistic who uses they/he/it pronouns :3 --- ♑︎ ☼ ♌︎ ☽ ♎︎ ↑ --- i'm the host of a system and an alien that's cat coded !!

★ i've been a witch on and off for half of my life but would only really say i truly started being serious November of 2023! along with being an atheist all my life until Febuaray of 2024! i technically would be called an eclectic pagan i think but i like to just call myself a witch! labels are for when i know what i'm doing! I don't! :D

★ I'm a devotee to Tithonus and have a working relationship with Hypnos! i don't plan on working with any more deities anytime soon but i stumbled into a relationship with Hypnos (/lh) so if they come into my life and i feel ready it might happen ":3

★ i have been learning more and more about witchcraft as i've been in this community, so do not be surprised about me randomly talking about things that i don't personally practice! along with just gushing about stuff i learn about and all sorts of things!! i get really excited and love sharing!!! my path is ever changing and growing and expanding as i learn more and more!!

★ currently i have been deeply fascinated by pop-culture / conpantheon / UPG related content and see myself adding it to my craft in the future! i've kinda already been doing that last but but y'know- as a neurodivergent person i think thats just the way of the world? anyway i want to look into MLP and Minecraft related witchcraft so look out for that haha!

★ this blog is for anything and all things regarding my witchy journey but self discovery always ties in with other stuff too, so i also decided to make a myself a regression side-blog ( @kittybugre ) for myself thats 100% sfw!

DNI: racists, misogynists, ableists, trans/homophobes, ableists, fascists, pedo/maps, bigots/terfs, xenophobes, anti-palestine/gaza, just generally shitty people! do not come to my page to spread hate- i will block and have the right to block anyone i see fit

[bitterarcs]

Out of all the places in Midgar, peace was found floors above where both the rowdy and the polite indulged in liquor and the company of costumed-dressed women. The wealthy made fortresses to keep out the world while simultaneously isolating themselves in the warmth void state of their personalities. Personally, Reno liked the distant vibration of a city and its people animated in sin; most of all, he liked the bright and personal decor which reflected what the city really meant and how human his company was.

The Turk could sleep anywhere, but he rested more easily and comfortably where life was happening. A rooftop was oddly favourable over the dead silence of a backwoods camp. In this situation, having someone he genuinely trusted did the bulk of the work to place him in such a relaxed state. While he was not asleep, all it would take is submitting himself to slumber, and it would come with ease. Really, Reno did not know what Melissa got out of the it. He was like a slug on a tree, or a stray cat coming for a pet and saucer of milk . . not that Reno liked comparing himself and having him compared to any animal.

Yeah, there were days where he spent an absurd amount of money on the honeybees with no ulterior motive, but there were more days where he took the private route directly to Melissa's quarters just for a chat or a drink. Only wearing his Turk issued slacks and black socks, having done away with the excessive layers, including the stiff leather of his belt, he carved a spot among the pillows and blankets to decompress from a long work week.

Feeling how comfortable Melissa's bed was, it really made Reno question e should dump his own bed, of which he spent thousands of gil on, for a replica of the woman's. Reno smothered his face closer to a fluffy pillow and exhaled like a content pet under the ministrations of hair touching, only blinking quickly when her voice gently cut through the sleepy fog taking root in his mind. Reno squeezed the pillow tighter and allowed turquoise hues to look around, almost as if mimicking he turning of gears in his mind.

(  ❛ You've never asked me that before. ❜  )

One thing was talking about Rude or Hojo or even Scarlet, another thing was discussing the President of the electric company. Reno trusted her fully, yet there was something of an uncomfortably stir in his belly. Whether it was from a deeply hidden distrust or the conflict of his own opinions, who was to say. He shifted his head to get more comfortably but still kept it in similar position so that Melissa could continue petting his hair. She seemed to like it a lot, and Reno would be lying if he said he only did it for her.

(  ❛ He is different from his father, more personable, maybe it's because he's so much younger. Like, the old man saw everyone was only tools. I don't think he saw his employees as living, breathing people, y'know? The Turks are weapons. We live and die for the President, but . . Rufus doesn't just look at us like parts of a machine. ❜  )

It was difficult to describe. At the end of the day, he did not doubt that Rufus was capable of condemning them to death if he saw fit. ShinRa Senior demanded respect and one had to give it to him, but loyalty was just a job description and was not inspired from the heart. Rufus, on the other hand, did inspire genuine loyalty. To say Reno felt entirely comfortable around Rufus would not be the truth, but he certainly felt more comfortable showing parts of his personality than he ever would have with his father. t was an odd thing. Reno never worried about disappointing the old President, but he did worry about disappointing Rufus. He did not know how to put his thoughts into words much less make sense of them.

(  ❛  I didn't like him at first . . ❜  )

After the messy business with AVALANCHE and the Turks nearly getting killed, but he was not about to share that piece of history with Melissa.

(  ❛  He's grown on me. He's a good leader. You'd hope as much considering I'll eventually die for him and his goals. If I'm going to die for someone, I should at least like 'em, right? ❜  )

Reno rolled over on his other side, enabling him to look at her with a trademark, toothy grin. What could have been perceived as a macabre joke was entirely the truth, and a truth he was comfortable with.

(  ❛ Rufus is definitely better. Sometimes I, uh, get a weird tingling in my stomach when he looks at me with that stare a'his. ❜  )

The Turk folded his hands upon his abdomen as if just thinking about it brought forth that weird tingling sensation.

Her fingers carded through flaming red strands, enjoying the softness they offered in return - for one with such a brutal job, Reno's hair was incredibly nice to the touch. It went hand in hand with the Turk's general appearance - he took good care of himself and it was no surprise he easily turned heads whenever he walked through the inn's main doors.

But right then, they weren't after a show or anything to feed their egos - it was a rare moment of peace behind closed doors, public-facing personas discarded in exchange for some genuine affection. True, their relationship had been born out of mutual interest, but right then... Melissa didn't need anything from Reno. She just enjoyed playing with his hair, watching it fall down when she removed a hand and occasionally making the smallest braid ever to the longer strand originating from the back of his head.

"Do you like Rufus?" Melissa asked quietly, at some point - she knew he wasn't sleeping, at least not yet, "How is he away from the press conferences and public statements?" a sigh followed, "I can't decide if he's better or worse than his father. It's not like he visits - at least he's different... I suppose." @stingslikeabee         (   is this a love confession, melissa ?  )

[thessalian]

Thess vs Ulvund

Oooooooh that was so satisfying on SO MANY LEVELS...

Okay, so, nearest thing - and most interesting thing, and thing most likely to need me to head back to the Daunt - is investigating where the Bristlebacks came from. But first, green shiny.

Right. ...Huh. So there's Eclipse camps ... and rebel camps. So @true0neutral really wasn't kidding when he said that I'd like what they did instead of just bandit camps. Oooooooh I am going to have fun with this...

(Historical sidebar: I only got into this game because of @true0neutral throwing Horizon Zero Dawn at my head. I wasn't sure I was even going to like this game, or be particularly good at it. I discovered a playstyle that worked for me, and apparently still works now even with the fibromyalgia, and while I know it's just story mode, I entirely slay at this game. And one of the things we'd do while I was still playing Zero Dawn was ... okay, I don't do well with just voice chat - I need to be Doing Something. And @true0neutral tends to like to watch me play this kind of thing - apparently I kind of revolutionised his entire playstyle at this game. So what we'd do is do Discord voice chat while I shared my screen while playing Zero Dawn. Kind of like a Twitch stream for a very limited audience. One of my favourite parts was clearing out the bandit camps. I could headshot bandits at ridiculous distances, and tended to stealth around the perimeter clearing out entire encampments with barely an alarm raised. And @true0neutral used to really enjoy watching me do it, at least partly because it was one of my favourite parts and the best kinds of friends are the ones who love to watch your joy, y'know? So anyway, he knows I love the encampment clearing and he's further along in the game than me so he sort of gave me a teaser of how much I'd enjoy this particular bit. He is not wrong.)

Right. Not going in the front door. Pushing this tree over is going to alert someone. Let's hope it doesn't alert the whole camp... One dude on a Charger? Pffffffft. Okay - dude first, then take out the Charger while it's standing there confused about where its rider went. Then, into a bush.

Okay ... person ... person ... Charger Charger ... Chargeeeeer ... and ... drawbridge. Well. Half of drawbridge. But there's still someone wandering around the place. Maybe it's ... inside the cave?

I have lowered the drawbridge and the quest has not gone forward because there's still someone alive out there. I killed all their Chargers, and almost all their dudes and there's still someone there? What the--?

Ah, there you are. You ... have been watching the entire camp, watched people just drop dead in the dark, and now you're ... wandering over to a table like it ain't no thing? Oh, you are deeply, deeply stupid and you deserve this. *Silent STRIKE*

Okay, now that's everybody.

Ooooooooooh. Ulvund's in trooooooouble...

AND a huge big slab of green shiny. My cup runneth over. Off to Chainscrape.

...Okay. No. Now my cup runneth over. DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT, ULVUND, YOU PREDATORY JACKASS! ...Or, on second thought, do. I don't give a fuck.

PETRA'S IN CHARGE?!? IT GETS BETTER?!? YEEEEE!

And I get shiny new bow and armour! Buuuut it all needs upgrading. And a lot of this ... seems to need parts from the West. Boo. But! Something to work towards!

Let's see. ...Longleg. I remember something like those - those were the "Someone Took A Cassowary And Made It Worse" ones, weren't they?

Skydrifter - those have got to be the big-ass birds. I LOVE HUNTING THOSE!

And ... Clawstrider. Razor Tail. If I had to guess, that'd be ... That'd be the dilophosaurus, wouldn't it? Oh please let it be those; if I can't ride them let me hunt theeeeeeeeem.

(I mean also let me ride them please I HAVE BEEN SO VERY VERY GOOD.)

Hrm. Now I have a quandry. A conundrum, even. On one hand, I do have stuff I can cook even though most of the groceries have kind of been relegated to the freezer. On the other hand, I don't want to cook anything today. And on the "secret, third thing" side, while I can afford takeaway at this point, my choices are always so very limited given the whole issue I have with gluten. I will think on this.

[petewentzisblack1312]

i love your blog, i love everything you share and talk about. i am mostly white-passing mixed person. [ironically the only people who ever seem to clock me as mixed are POC or hardcore racists, lol.] the worst kind, too. my father is sioux. i'm native and white. y'know. the thing white millennials are constantly claiming. i feel like i can't talk about it, learn about it, try to connect with family at all, because i'll look like one of those "my great great aunt was a cherokee princess'' freaks. but anyway. personal rambling aside. it's resonated very deeply to me to see how wentz was basically bullied into not talking about it at all and hella whitewashed by the media in early FOB days. preciate you talking about it.

hi. ive been trying to put together the right words to answer this for a while. im glad you get to see yourself. it sucks that people will be dismissive, it sucks that because of the racism of white people who exoticize native people you feel as though you cant connect with your family, its unfair to you and im sorry. i do encourage you to pursue it anyway. its a beautiful thing to immerse yourself in a history that people have tried to take from you. dont deny yourself your culture just because of how it looks on the surface. just scratching it reveals that you are not like them.

sorry its taken me so long to answer. im rooting for you!

[pineappleciders]

ayoo matchups are open!!

I don't want to like, flood you with requests and all kjfhdsfkdsfhd so sorry if you've got a lot in your inbox. But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity for a fun little matchup! Anyways, here's a little bit about me!

-> I'm mspec, so I'm fine with being matched up with anyone in the OMOgang (however I lean towards men/masc-alined genders)

-> I use she/her/hers, they/them/their, it/it/its, li/lil/lilas, and sometimes voi/void/voids pronouns

-> I'm genderdoe/genderfae (well really a subset of that gender, but people know genderfae better)

-> As for my personality, I start off pretty quiet around most people. I'm neurodivergent, and don't want to risk saying something 'stupid.' So, I keep my mouth shut. But once I learn someone isn't going to judge, I can go on for hours about my special interest, which happens to be character/OC creation. I'm pretty damn creative if I do say so myself!

-> I can get really loud and say some really stupid stuff, and I love it when others can do the same. By stupid, I don't mean 'hot takes' or anything, more so that I forgot the word for grey and called it dark white.

-> I have a very strong sense of right and wrong, even if to some people it's a little skewed (AKA 'murder is okay in some situations'). However, I struggle to actually stand up for myself when people go against me due to an intense fear of getting yelled at. Yippee!

-> Right. Fears. I'm scared of worms. :)

-> I do actually run a few headcanon/writing blogs for different fandoms. I won't be sharing them because they ~suck~ but oh well. I actually really, really love writing and have an Ao3 account for it.

Now for some fun facts that I couldn't flesh out into paragraphs!

-> I love giving and receiving physical touch as a love language

-> I'm about 168 cm (5'5")

-> I'm on my laptop 24/7 (mainly Tumblr)

-> I love space. And Saturn... :))))

-> OLD BALLGOWNS AND NIGHTGOWNS 11/10

-> I have a bob cut, but I'm hoping to get it that hair that curls up at the end. Y'know that old fashioned stuff? Yeah, that.

-> KEL AND HERO BEST CHARACTERS

Okay I'm gonna stop info-dumping on you now haha. Sorry if this was too much information! Lol.

-🪐

A/N: dont worry i dont mind one bit!! i love hearing people talk about whatever. i honestly couldn't decide who i saw you with better, so i did two characters separately!!

I MATCH YOU WITH...

RW AUBREY and RW KEL!!!!

as for AUBREY, she's also kind of quiet around people she doesn't know well, so it'll take some time for you two to get to know each other

as you get closer, though, she starts caring for you more and goes lengths to protect you

you two both have strong opinions on what's right and wrong, and she really likes that about you

she's sure to not raise her voice around you, and if she slips up or gets angry then she apologizes deeply and feels awful about it

she chuckles in amusement if you say some stupid shit like dark white, that's one of the many things she likes about you

AUBREY relates to the fear of being scared of blurting something out or saying dumb things. but the two of you slowly try to overcome it, one step at a time

if you bring up a blog or your writing hobby she wants to know more about it and potentially read some stuff, but she doesn't pressure you or anything

i like to think AUBREY also really likes space so u guys will just like. stargaze together a lot on the picnic blanket by the lake

likes seeing your characters and hearing about them,, i think she's the type to memorize everything you said and start doodling the character on her schoolwork or something as if it's her own

i personally headcanon AUBREY as about 5'9", and sometimes she uses you as a personal armrest (KEL also does the same, more often on your head than your shoulder cuz he's like 6'0" or something)

as for KEL, i think you two click very well

he's kinda scared to push your or cross your boundaries, so don't be surprised if he kind of separates himself from you for awhile

he's used to being called stupid or pushy, so it'll help if you reassure him (and he'll do the same for you!!)

KEL is similar to you in the way that he has a very strong sense of justice, and what's right and wrong. but, different to you, he's the first one to step up and defend himself/you and state what he thinks is right

you mention anything about your OCs or writing or anything that interests you at all?? he wants to hear everything about it

he might get a lil distracted and space out but he really does want to listen, he thinks ur creativity is incredibly awesome and he's always in awe of it

you two come up with chaotic ideas sometimes together like ur,,, conspiring like evil scientists or some shit. sometimes you both blurt out the same thing on accident like ur on the same wavelength

KEL's love language is also physical touch, so he'll always be leaning on you, holding your wrist, wrapped his arm around you, etc. if you two are cuddling or something he probably has to get up and move around a lot

he's gotten a lot better with staying still (when he was 12 he had to be moving and doing something constantly), but he still needs to get the wiggles out every now and then

[cchapsticck]

15 questions. Stuff bout me! Thanks for tagging me @greenlikethesea!

1. are you named after anyone?

Okay kind of a funny story. When it comes to my deadname the story goes my parents were so sick of fighting over what to call me that that name was like a hands in the air okay fine concession between the two of them and neither of them actually liked it all that much. The name (and variations on it) I go by these days I am, without meaning to, named after two people. I share a deadname with one of my closest and oldest friends, and a mutual friend of ours has a condition that makes it difficult for him to distinguish faces - and we both have a similar vocal quality so we were particularly difficult for him to distinguish without someone having identified who was who in conversation. So he started calling her "Senior" and me "Junior" because calling us by the same name was just an additional complication for him keeping us distinctive and Junior stuck hard. My father's middle name is just the letter J, which someone at work started calling me and now everyone does. And I work a lot. So I am called it a lot. So that happened on accident.

2. when was the last time you cried?

I think it was before I had surgery, which was. Two months ago? Three? I forget how time works. I was scaredexcited. I'm not really a big crier, but I definitely have watershed moments of "cry a lot now" a couple times a year.

3. do you have kids?

I do not and I don't think that I will. I have a lot of respect for people who have and raise children, I just don't think I'm well suited to be a parent for a real smorgasbord of reasons. I like kids just fine though! My friend's kids are super cool and I always enjoy my time with them.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

I guess occasionally? I think when I do its this very intentionally hyperbolic version of it so as to not be misconstrued when I'm joking. If I'm ever going to be sassy about something I think I'd say my "style" in that arena is a bit more deadpan, but still very unserious. I tend to be a very earnest person so things like sarcasm are pretty much always employed as a joke.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

/john mayer voice My Body Is A Garbage Can 🎶 my ramshackle horrible body is not cut out for sports, but in my youth I played hockey and figure skated. (midwest baybeeeee) I skipped out on my physical education requirement in high school by being in marching band for 4 years.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

So I am deaf and I spend a lot of time looking at people's mouths, I read lips to fill in some lost information that my hearing aids don't reliably provide me with so it usually takes me a few encounters with a person before I start to notice other details about them beyond the lower third of their face. Sometimes I'll notice people's eyebrows, or if they have glasses or freckles but the specifics of their features don't always sink in right away.

7. what’s your eye colour?

Green!

8. scary movies or happy endings?

For my own personal enjoyment? Always always always a scary movie. I love a scary movie. Good, bad, doesn't matter, I want to watch it. A friend of mine and I spend entire weekends just watching the Shudder back catalogue and we've found some incredible films. (Please watch Death Spa I'm so not even kidding) I am a whole sucker for a practical effect. I also love a scary movie with a happy ending!

9. any special talents?

I always know where the car is parked.

10. where were you born?

American Midwest. Round the lakes. Y'know. The big ones.

11. what are your hobbies?

I'm one of those suckers who made their hobby their job so I genuinely enjoy garment construction and costume crafts. I also like to write and garden and live music.

12. do you have pets?

No not anymore. I had cats in high school (I am so deeply allergic) and we have had to put two of them down over the last few years and our last remaining guy lives with my mom. My partner and I raise carnivorous plants though and we've named all of them and talk about them like they're essentially pets.

13. how tall are you?

5'6"

14. favourite subject at school?

I always loved my English classes, far and away the classes I put the most work into and excelled at. I also took a radical dramaturgy class in grad school that changed the way my brain functions. Which is probably an extension of an English class tbh. While not a favorite: I'm good at math, but I don't actually like math. I often joke that I'm good at math against my will - I had a lot of math tutoring as a kid so now I can like. Do long division in my head and shit.

15. dream job?

Y'know, I'm not sure I have a dream job. I really like what I do, I work in the arts - live theater and I wear a lot of hats at the regional theater I spend most of my time at. I've put a lot of time and effort and lost sleep into trying to make a living doing something that feels worthwhile to me personally as an artist and important to the community I'm in and making that art accessible to that community but I'm also happy to go home at the end of the day, its easy for me not to think about work when I'm not at work.

So I think the dream is more to have a job that I like, that I want to be at most days, that feels worthwhile, but also to have a healthy work/life balance with that job. Y'know?

[fairymascot]

Which comics or media do you like with Poison Ivy? Genuinely, I want to see the take on the character you like.

hi anon, thanks for the ask! :)

the definitive version of the character for me is in the harley quinn animated series! it's also one of my favorite takes on harley, their relationship with each other, and honestly the batman universe in general. if you want to give it a go, though, do note it's very much an Adult Animated Series TM with lots of violence, gore, foul language, and crude/off-color humor. people can be put off by it, but as someone who normally can't stand that type of series, i've found it carries itself with considerable elegance. it's genuinely funny and has remarkably good character development, many emotional moments, and great development for harley and ivy. so if you have the stomach for this kind of show, i definitely recommend it.

when it comes to comics:

gotham city villains anniversary giant: a villain-centric anthology that includes an ivy oneshot by g. willow wilson, serving as a prequel for ivy's current ongoing miniseries. featuring beautiful, delicate art and incredibly poignant and gripping writing, wilson does an amazing job of getting into ivy's head and sharing her inner world with the reader. she's deeply troubled, more plant than person, part gorgeous ethereal forest spirit and part terrifying bog witch-- but ultimately still incapable of burying her own humanity. if you only read one thing out of this list, read this!

poison ivy 2022: the aforementioned continuation of the above story, it's fantastic for all the same reasons. only one issue out of six is currently out, but for once in my life where dc comics are involved, i have very high hopes!

more under the cut--

secret origins: gardener is the current canon origin story for ivy in the main continuity, told from the pov of her college girlfriend turned also-ecoterrorist, bella garten. the art is lush and gorgeous, ivy is shown in an extremely sympathetic light (bella might be MILDLY biased), and it reinforces her romantic relationship with harley from early on. i'd say my only fault with it is that it insists on her relationship with woodrue being mutual and romantic, instead of y'know, her college professor exploiting her, conducting inhumane experiments on her and ruining her life. still, though, a great read! 

poison ivy: thorns is a young adult reimagining of her origin story, including gorgeous shoujo manga-esque art, an original female love interest for ivy, and a story that makes her equal parts sympathetic and fearsome. on its own, it's not exactly groundbreaking literature -- the plot is fairly predictable, the romance is shallow -- but as an ivy story, it's a gem. it focuses on her trauma & her craving for human intimacy that's ultimately eclipsed by her connection to the green, and spins a narrative of a victim that learns to stand up for herself and take revenge on those who've wronged her.

catwoman: soulstealer is another ya retelling, this time focusing on-- you guessed it-- catwoman. despite being clumsy at times (the comic adaptation has a bad habit of slapping entire paragraphs from the novel directly onto the page) and featuring a wholly uninteresting romance between selina and batwing (apparently that’s a real guy?), it's also got some of the best sirens content dc's ever put out. selina's budding friendship with ivy and harley is one of the focal points of the book, and the two of them are fully fledged, engaging characters in their own right. they're all just starting out in their villain careers here, and ivy is young, optimistic, and confident, her character focused less on the trauma of becoming poison ivy and more on the ways it's empowered her. (she's still, however, very weak for harley, and desperate for friendship). a very sweet and enjoyable take, if you skim through the dragging/cluttered sections. the art and designs are top notch, too!

dc pride 2021: features a short harlivy story by mariko tamaki and amy reeder which, despite being around twelve pages long, manages to nail so much of what makes their relationship great. it shows them bantering, arguing, revealing their vulnerabilities, and talking out major issues in their relationship that seem so obvious and yet have basically never come up in mainline canon. it was really great to see. plus, the art rocks!

dc: love is a battlefield: a romance-based anthology featuring a harlivy short, detailing the evolution of their relationship through the years. though it's condensed into a handful of pages, it shows probably my favorite 'redemption arc' for ivy-- in which she gets older, mellows out (in big part due to harley's influence, but also, i think, just due to the passage of time), batman and the justice league also mellow out, and then they kinda meet halfway when they realize that by compromising, they can join forces and actually make the world a better place. on the whole, it's a very sweet, emotional story.

though she’s only a supporting character in them, and they’re still ongoing series so who knows how they’ll turn out, the alternate universe titles knights of dark steel and catwoman: lonely city feature great takes on ivy, as well.

you’ll notice practically all of these recs are standalone, and don’t require immersion in any of the bigger canon titles to read. this is because getting into the meat of comic continuity is a nightmare process that is simply not worth anyone’s energy or time. there are a few points in mainline canon where i've enjoyed her characterization, like the everyone loves ivy arc starting in batman vol 3 #41, or the harley quinn and poison ivy 2019 miniseries. in my personal opinion, though, the majority of main canon arcs are so bogged down with crap that it’s just not worth it. they sprawl across a billion titles, featuring heaps of characters i don’t care about, and the plot itself is usually nonsensical at best. but yeah! if you’re interested in ivy, this list should keep you busy for a while! hope ya dig :”)

[xreaderbooks]

Letting go

Pair: Luke Patterson x Ghost! reader, Platonic! Willie x reader, Platonic! Alex x reader

Warnings: Death and mentions of suicide, drug abuse, kinda angsty 

Word Count: 2k

For ages 18+

A/N: This is overall pretty depressing and it's not exactly a happy ending, I wrote this based off the song Out of love by Alessia Cara. Its not my best work but either way I hope you enjoy. 

Disclaimer: Gifs are not mine

Masterlist

You knew this day would come. You don't know how many times you've called yourself stupid and cursed yourself. He liked her possibly even loved her by now. You were a fool for thinking that just because you found each other in this new version of life, that he could love you the same as he did before. Just because you were together before you died doesn't mean that you could have a life together after death. No matter how much you were still deeply enamored with him. Him and his stupid bright smile, his laugh that was contagious, his chocolate hair that you loved to run your hands through in the middle of cuddling. The calming feeling it gave you both, would it still have that same affect if you tried it now? Let's not mention his eyes. Oh, his eyes. The big green eyes that made him look like a puppy, so pure and innocent, it also held pain that you both would share at times. You both coming from families who had expectations. Expectations that neither of you could hold up. His eyes gave you hope, and butterflies and love.

They still did, he still did. He still had his optimism; although you could tell it was forced. it was the same thing he always tried to do. He was always the one to brighten peoples day and be the strong optimistic one when the others (and even himself) weren't. Either way he was still that same character he always was. And you were still deeply, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. You think you always would be.

Despite the new changes of your relationship. Or change. That change being Julie Molina. You saw the way that Luke had looked at her, praised her and her voice. You couldn't hate her for it. It would've been easier to hate her if she was a bitch, you couldn't lie, however she wasn't. She was loyal, caring and determined. She was strong and beautiful and exactly the type of person Luke needed. You were friends with Julie and you cared for her. So, no, you couldn't hate her. It wasn't her fault you changed and was no longer what he wanted. She was not responsible for your insecurities or feelings that you still held for Luke or the feelings that he held for her.

You decided you would let him go. You would let him go because your time with him was over. You were no longer what he needed nor what he wanted and that was okay because you would let him go.

You died a couple of months after the guys did. It was a drug overdose. After the Luke, Alex and Reggie's passing, you got into some pretty bad habits. Such as partying, alcoholism and your cause of death; drugs. It was not great.

The week of your death was rough. You were cleaning your closet after weeks of not doing so, you were gonna make a change, you would do better. That was until you found multiple shirts of Lukes laying about your closet, they were hidden underneath all of your other clothes that were piled up in there. In one particular jacket you found a note in the pocket. 'Can't wait for you to hear the surprise I have for you after the show beautiful ;)' After reading the barely legible note , you broke. You had suspicions he was writing a song about you, he was hinting at it before... and now this confirmed it. You would've gone looking for his notebook if it wasn't for Bobby who when you told him, brushed you off and took you out to distract you. That was when you were introduced to some guy who Bobby told you; had 'the good stuff'. You shrugged it off and took whatever he gave you. Turns out you took too much in so little time and you were dead.

After accepting the fact that you were dead, you wandered around 'life' hoping you'd find your lover and best friends. That day didn't come and you found yourself befriending another ghost named Willie. He was kind enough to show you the perks of being, well, dead. He even tried to introduce you to Caleb and that whole world but you decided you were out before you were even in. You had felt enough bad vibes from Caleb to know not to get involved with him. If only you had those survival instincts when you were alive.

Then it was 25 years of being a ghost and Willie had came to hang out with you in your favorite spot that you now called your home, a beach house that some rich family used as their Summer home.

"Hey Y/N, made a new friend today." He said skating into the house. You walked out of one of the rooms while reading a book, not really paying attention to what he was saying. "Oh really? that's cool."

"Yeah his names Alex, said he was in a band." You froze and looked up at him as he skated and transported on top of the kitchen counter. 'No,' you thought. 'It couldn't be your Alex, could it?' There was no way, not after all these years, it doesn't make sense. There were also a million different guys named Alex in the world. 'But he said he was in a band.' Your mind raced through the different scenarios. If you were thinking logically it could be a coincidence and it'd be stupid to think there wouldn't be any other guys out there who was dead, in a band, and named Alex. When you put it like that...

"How'd he look like?" Willie looked confused when you asked but answered. "Blonde hair, blue eyes, kinda cute but I call dibs."

Your heart was pounding, if Alex was here that could mean that Luke might be with him. You managed to roll your eyes at his reclamation. "Yeah you can have him, but um, you think I can go with you next time you meet with him?"

He looked at you shocked, "Uh sure?" He came up to you holding a hand to your forehead as if checking your temperature. "Are you okay? Is the loneliness getting to you?" You pushed his hand away.

"I'm fine dummy."

He laughed. "I'm just saying you never wanna meet any of my friends."

"Yeah, cause you have so many." You said sarcastically and plopped down on the couch. Willie, as extra as he is, jumped over it to sit next to you.

"Not true I have-"

"Ghost club doesn't count, they're creepy and enslaved to Caleb." You opened your book and pretended to read while you thought of what you would do if it really was your Alex.

"Whatever, what made you all of a sudden decide to be social?"

You closed the book and crossed your legs. You decided to be honest with him. You already told him of how you died, how you had a boyfriend who also died along with your best friends. He tried to help you find them until you gave up. You didn't however go into detail about how they died or what they did. That just brought on too many memories. But now you decided it was time. So you told him everything.

~~~

You were anxious as you waited for Willie and Alex at a place where Willie likes to skate at. If it was your best friend Alex you wanted to talk to him in a private place not surrounded by people. Even though you were all ghosts and nobody could see you, it felt more special and less awkward with people potentially walking through you. But if it wasn't your Alex then you could just leave and let Willie enjoy his 'date' with the guy.

When they showed up you almost screamed. You were in shock, there he was, one of your best friends. Probably the one with the most brain cells. "Alex?" Although you already knew you called his name to catch his attention.

"Y/N?" He ran up to you and hugged you.

"Alex," You patted his back "can't- breath."

He let you go putting his hands on your shoulders and pushed you to arm length as he observed you, taking in your appearance. "Wait..." You saw his face fall from the wide smile to a solemn expression. "Oh Y/N/N."

"Yeah..." You rubbed your arms.

"How?" He asked. "You look just the same as you did back then."

You chuckled. "Well so do you."

"But wouldn't that mean that you-'

"Died around the same time you guys did? Yup."

"Again, how?" He pushed. "You didn't, y'know ki-"

"God, Alex no I didn't kill myself." You smacked his arms away and paced around. "It's a long story, one that I'd don't wanna tell three different times. Are Reggie and Luke with you?" You asked hopefully. And he shook his head. You sighed in relief. "Where are they?"

"C'mon I'll take you to them."

And he did.

When you showed up to Julies garage and saw Luke for the first time he stood still, staring in disbelief. Reggie was the first one to come up to you throwing his arms around you and jumping excitedly. Once you managed to get Reggie off you, you went up to Luke "Hey baby." Tears were forming in your eyes. He pulled you into your third hug today, then pulling back, kissing you quickly and pulling you in again.

~~~

The bliss of being reunited only lasted so long before the band got caught up in performing in their new band Julie and the phantoms. You were glad that they were happy and that they had something that motivated them. And that all this time they were together. They even made friends, with a lifer, something you couldn't wrap your head around but you were happy for them. For a time you were happy with them. You were back with you best friends and you made new ones. You and Luke had a bit of a complicated relationship, you acted like you had always acted, of course things were different but you still talked like a couple. You acted like couple. Kisses were another story, it wasn't casual anymore it was when it was needed. It wasn't like before where if you would go somewhere or show up, you would give Luke a quick kiss goodbye or hello. Now it was more in the moment when you guys cuddled and you would look at each other and remember the memories of the past; of when you were alive and planning a life together. Your relationship wasn't what it was before but you would take it. After years of being alone -- with the exception of willie-- you would take those moments that you didn't feel were given 100% fueled with romantic and passionate love but with something different.

That was until the whole situation with Caleb happened and Luke and Julie hugged. They touched, how that happened you didn't know. What you did know is they were connected and they had chemistry. It was a hug, you internally rolled your eyes at your childishness. Technically you would've been an adult by now. Why were you worrying about your boyfriend hugging his friend after a situation where you all thought you'd be separated forever.

Maybe it was because you knew it meant more. The way they were holding each other wasn't how he held you the first time you saw each other again. You tried to brush it off, blaming it on you being insecure, it meant nothing.

Weeks had passed and nothing had changed besides the obvious tension and chemistry that Julie and Luke had. That was when you made the choice to let him go. You had nothing to offer him. If you were to get into technicalities Luke couldn't offer Julie anything, he was dead and she was still living. However they would have some time together and they had the band!

You did what you thought was best and you left a note on Julies piano along with with the note you found in Luke's pocket before you died. You always carried it around but there was no point in holding on to something that wasn't gonna be yours anymore. You would be in your beach house, where if they wanted to find you they could. For now you would let him go.

[yukipri]

Bad Batch end of season thoughts/ramble, bc it's been a week and I just wanna get it all off my chest...

(end of season spoilers and very disorganized rambling)

First off, I do want to say that I enjoyed watching the show. It fulfilled its primary purpose: entertainment. It was nice having something to look forward to every week, and even though it wasn't quite what I was expecting, it was fun. The animation was gorgeous, I liked all the references and tie ins. I will likely watch it again, and will watch season 2. This is by no means meant to be a hate post.

That being said, it is critical so please just skip if you're not into that!

The thing is...it takes very, Very little for me to love a clone. He doesn't need lines, or a face, or even a name, and the default is that I will love him. He can even be a little bastard, like Slick, and it's fine. I always want to know more about them, and wish they had more screen time and time in general to develop their characters. So given that we were getting 16 (20 eps total if we count TCW S7 pilot arc) centered around these guys, I was expecting to absolutely adore them by the end.

And I wanted to love the Bad Batch, I wanted to love them so damn much, and I tried. But I think one of the reasons why they never fully clicked for me was that their thing seems to be "we're unique, we never fit in, we're outsiders in our own home, among the people who are supposed to be our own family, and so we've found our home with each other."

Which! That's usually a wonderful message, and not a particularly rare or unique one either for stories! I usually dig these kinds of stories!

The problem here is the extremely unique situation of the clones. They are literally created to be identical, brain washed to be uniform. They must conform, or are killed off by their creators, and their conformity isn't a choice in the slightest, but one of fear and necessity.

Their uniformity is something that they are also entirely aware of--it's unavoidable, they're clones. Once out in the real galaxy, they all strive to find and establish unique identities for themselves, struggling against a galaxy that just wants them to be faceless products. It's a shared struggle, and all they have are each other, and their brotherhood is sacred as a result. Shunning unique identity is the opposite of who a clone is--it's what they all want.

So on one hand, it's understandable that the Batch stuck out (when all others who would have also stuck out were culled, when individuality isn't allowed). It's understandable that they would have yearned for the brotherhood shared by the other clones, and when they couldn't have it, they stuck closer to each other. It's even understandable that they would feel bitter, having experienced bullying at the hands of the other clones (but isn't it also understandable that the other clones would feel bitter that the Batch gets special treatment, when their own brothers with less-than-beneficial mutations were taken by the Kaminoans to never return?).

And so we have this batch of clones, who the Kaminoans call "mutated," but also specify that their mutations are "desirable" (implying what happens to mutations that are undesirable...). They have their own unique unit, in which they're able to improvise and act freely with seemingly little to no oversight, so long as they complete their mission. No Jedi to obey, no nat-born officers who look down on them. In fact, they look so different from standard clone troopers that most of the galaxy probably don't even know they are clones. They have their own ship (personalized), they have their own possessions (which we don't really see any other clones have), they have their own barracks (probably also very unique), and they even have access to superior weapons and armor (most of the Batch, minus Echo, seem to be wearing modified Katarn-class armor which is supposed to be for Commandos. we KNOW it holds up better than standard trooper armor).

So I'm sure they had some unpleasant experiences growing up, and I do get it. But at least at "present" end of clone wars, they honestly seem to be living infinitely better than all other clones? They still need to follow orders but they have more freedom, and perhaps most importantly, they have clear uniqueness that is denied almost all other clones. And yes, some of the clones on Kamino bully them, but we've seen NONE of the "regular" clones that we know to be particularly nasty to them, and in fact it's Crosshair who starts it by calling them "Regs."

And how does the Batch respond to this situation? By acting superior. It's Crosshair who says and it believes this firmly, and I do feel that the others are likely mostly influenced by this, but it's also true that Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech don't really deny this either. They don't like the "regs," they do act like they're "better." Poor Echo, who they repeatedly seem to forget is in the room, and who they call "machine" and such...yikes yo

So I guess the point is, I just really struggled to feel sympathetic towards them, and was already on a kinda eh about their premise. They're marketed as "the special clone squad"--and yet they're not nice to the clones I love. I thought that wasn't great, but also hoped that the series would work towards them understanding the other clones better, and I love character development so that woulda been fine--but, nothing. A glance from Hunter at Howzer. Extended camaraderie from Gregor, who I feel they mostly just tolerate for the mission, other than Echo who genuinely cares.

And on top of feeling not feeling particularly sympathetic towards what I saw as a pretty privileged group of clones, the Batch seems to place primary blame of their woes on the "regs" themselves, who again, honestly seem far worse off! There isn't blame directed at the people who demanded the conformity from the other clones in the first place, that made it so the Batch couldn't fit in. The Batch was modified due to the Kaminoans (and implied specifically Nala Se). She's the reason why they don't fit in. And the Kaminoans are also why the other clones have to be so uniform, why they must fight to be people and not products.

Bitterness and pettiness can be fine in characters. But it's frustrating to see in a group supposed to be competent and elite, especially when those feelings have consequences. Sure, it sucks when someone throws a food tray at you. You can throw food back. It's not an equal reaction to feel no remorse when you shoot that guy dead in a blaster fight, when for all other clones, having to kill another clone is one of the most horrible, tragic things that one can do (thanks, Umbara).

Fives was the only clone to actually point a blaster at Nala Se.

We know Omega has deeply personal history with Nala Se. She was Nala Se's personal medical assistant. We see her cry when she takes off her head ornament that matches Nala Se. We know that being back in the lab gives Omega complicated, and probably not entirely positive feelings. But we barely learn more about this relationship, other than these glimpses.

And I get the feeling that to Omega at least, Nala Se wasn't all terrible. If Omega grew up with mostly only Nala Se for company, she had to have gotten her sheltered outlook on life, and her willingness to help others from somewhere. Nala Se intentionally let Omega go, to be "safe."

I think Omega's adorable, and I do like her. But I wasn't able to fully love her to the extent I wanted to, because there was always the fear that she was involved in the creation and implantation of the chips. She knows about them, she would have been positioned to do so. I want to think she would never, and I was hoping the show would reassure us of that, but it never did. We don't actually know how Omega feels about Nala Se, or even the chips and their presence in other clones. Instead, all we know is that Omega doesn't like "regs."

And again, "they call me lab scrubber," and "I helped put (or am complicit in putting) mind control devices in their heads," are kinda, unequal. Again I hope it's not the case. But it definitely kept me feeling uneasy throughout the show.

It really boils down to I don't trust or forgive Nala Se, and the Batch's lack of stance against her and the other Kaminoans, and clear distaste for their other clone brothers, really puts them in a situation that makes it difficult for me to take their side entirely.

And then gosh, Hunter. During Crosshair's whole "you never came back for me," spiel, I couldn't help but think he's kinda right. He had 15 episodes. Sure, it's difficult to get Crosshair back. But they could have done something. They could have done research. We could have had scenes of them wondering where Crosshair is, discussions on how best to find him, even if that discussion ended in, "but we can't risk it right now." They could have grilled Omega for information on the chips, which they really shoulda done either way, but especially since that knowledge is important to understanding what (they thought had) happened to Crosshair. Instead, they just ran every time Crosshair showed up. The show could have done better to show that they cared, and were trying, instead of just, y'know, doing chores for Cid. One, "I kinda miss him," doesn't really count as working on getting him back, at least in my books.

The sole exception to all of this, of course, is Echo. Who really, he works with the Batch fine, he's a former ARC and can more than keep up. Skillset-wise, he fits in well enough. But this season really made me wonder why he's with them at all. Crosshair's revelation and true feelings at the end of the season were no surprise to me, as they're consistent with what we've seen of him from TCW S7. But for Echo, a former "reg" to have to work with someone like Crosshair...even if Crosshair thought Echo was "different" enough to accept him, those are his brothers that Crosshair thinks he's so superior to, and has no issue speaking disdainfully about.

The increasing tension between Echo and Hunter, Echo's interest in helping Rex, in helping other clones, in doing something...I do hope they reach a point where Echo demands they go help, or he's leaving.

They gave Crosshair a chance, despite the fact that his choices were willing. I really hope Echo can convince the Batch to help save the other clones who don't have a choice. Because even if the Batch doesn't consider them their brothers, they're certainly Echo's. They matter just as much as Crosshair, and I really hope season 2 shows it narratively.

To conclude, again I'm interested in seeing what happens next, and I want answers about Omega and Nala Se. I find it interesting that they tied the facility where they took Nala Se in with the scientist dude collecting data on Grogu in the Mandalorian and those cloning labs. All of this is interesting, but at the same time I feel like it's trying to build up to Snoke/Palpatine stuff in the sequels which...I don't care nearly as much about, but who knows, could be neat ^ ^;

I'm okay with, and have made peace with the fact that the Bad Batch probably isn't the "clones-centric" show I wanted, and that they'll continue their own story, and probably continue to not care much about other clones in upcoming seasons. That's unfortunate, but alright. I'm interested enough in their story too.

But at the same time...I can't help but think man, if they have the time and budget to do a season 2, after seeing what was (or wasn't) accomplished in season 1...I wish they'd also make a Rex/Cody/Wolffe/"regular clones" show, because in the end, if you're going to do a "clones show"....that's who I want to see most.

If you got to the end, thank you for reading, and being an ear to my ranting ^ ^; Again this is literally just getting this off my chest. If this take isn't one you agree with, please just ignore. For people who did fall in love with the Batch, I'm happy for you, and regret that it just couldn't happen for me. But, I'm hoping that S2 will change my mind, but we'll just have to see! ^ ^;

[yeojaa]

I agree and disagree on some points about streaming, esp bcs I studied IPR Law extensively. It is futile to argue about the morality aspect imo, bcs at the end of the day its illegal. So if someone streams n it gets taken down, HYBE is well within their rights to do so. People can be hypocritical at times when trying to defend illegal streaming, bcs at the end of the day the legal basis that is used to take down streams is the same one that protects all other creators from having their work stolen. For example when accs get reported for plagiarism - the basis for that is rooted from the same law. Without these means of protection creatives wouldnt be able to make a living out of their work. However I do understand about that not all people can afford bts content - it is expensive. Even when u do have the money it is often times wiser to keep it. It also feels silly since streams get taken down but clips get distributed almost immediately after. They also can’t take down everything cause people circulating these clips/pics/gifs/etc and talking about it is ultimately what makes bts’s career - its promotion. So like, when u rather not spend money but there are readily available links, ofc ppl are gonna watch- illegal or not. Morals be damned, ppl do things bcs they can. Just to be clear I’m not at all critisizing u for streaming bcs ultimately I understand, but I’m also saying that this is inherently a complex issue. Even in the legal field, the handling of these infringements is not at all black and white. I myself advocate for other alternatives, like going dutch with friends, if u can. In a perfect world we would all have money to spend on anything we want. But this world is far from perfect. Again im not at all coming for u, frankly as far as im concerned u can do whatever you want. Im just sending this as food for thought and to put things into perspective.

as much as i appreciate you coming into my inbox to give your opinion on streaming, it really wasn't warranted. i don't think i've disagreed that streaming muster broke the law. the whole point here - which, frankly, i think you've missed - is that just because something is illegal doesn't mean it makes the person who did it a reprehensible scrounge (as the original anon put it). sure, there are criminal laws that protect people, that keep, y'know, killers at bay. murderers behind bars. etc. but there are also laws that have been put into place to protect the 1% and to capitalise on the wealth disparity. not all laws are made equal. hello, the war on drugs and incarceration of bipoc?

so studying the law is all well and good and having an opinion on things is, fine, go ahead. i've been in law for the past five years, too. but the topic right now is about whether my streaming of muster, and hundreds of people's subsequent watching of same, made us bad people. the answer? no. (and this point, dear friends, is not up for debate.)

in case you'd like some food for thought:

someone pointed out that the muster tickets were priced based on the conversion from USD. while i've not done the research to check if this is true, if it is, that's a huge deciding factor on whether people can afford things. sure, for countries where their currency does well against the american dollar (euro, gbp), this isn't a problem. but for others? sorry capitalism has a chokehold on us and we'd like to escape it.

not all army are adults with jobs. some are teenagers, preteens, whatever. they may not have money or they may not be in a position to ask for it from their parents/guardians. but if they have the option to watch something from a group they really enjoy, they shouldn't? because oof! sucks for you, kiddos, but y'all are broke and stinky. that's unfair and classist.

comparing streaming of bts content to other creators having their work stolen is so... odd. because bts is not just another creator. bts is a huge group worth millions of dollars. they are signed with big hit (or whatever, hybe, idk) that's worth billions. do you think any one of us army that streamed muster would try to steal from an independent/small creator or business? do you really equate <1000 people watching a stream that generated over $100mil in revenue as the equivalent to stealing from an artist?

by the same logic above, gifs shouldn't exist. clips of performances shouldn't exist (outside of those prepared specifically by BH or their affiliates). scans and photo card pieces shouldn't exist. only the people who can afford things (which are not cheap, by any means) should be able to enjoy them and everyone else can kick dirt. again, divisive.

how do you think bts became popular? i mean, yes, they're wonderful and great and the boys deserve all the recognition in the world. but did they do it all, purely through their own advertisement and content? i mean, sure. but how was that shared with the community? probably because of people like me, people like the incredible gif and clip makers, editors, etc. on this site. personally speaking, if i hadn't seen all the clips and gifs i had when i first got into bts, i probably wouldn't have fallen so deeply into this goddamn bangtan hole. but i did. and now i've spent hundreds upon hundreds of dollars to support them. this sort of community sharing is what keeps demand high and helps people get into bts.

anyway, those are just a handful of points i really think you and other people need to consider, as well. at the end of the day, you can have whatever opinion you want. will i respect it? maybe, if you present it like this. i don't and won't agree with a lot of what you've said but here ya go.

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 11

post directory

obsetress: i'm about to fully fall asleep but i have been thinking about exes au danvi and like the isabel of it all and dani dating a single mom and how just like

obsetress: vi is so protective of isabel and as much as she loves dani like

obsetress: she took SO LONG before introducing her and then like

obsetress: when they broke up dani left and dani wasnt in isabels life anymore and dani was so good for isabel and viola just feels so fuckin shitty and blames herself and

obsetress: but i'm also thinkin bout soft fluffy stuff too like how much dani loves isabel and how much vi loves watching isabel w dani and

em: hey hannah what the fuck

obsetress: isabel has a nightmare one night and goes to her mom's room and dani's there too and she just curls up between them

em: do you think when they finally reconnected dani was like hey um. does isabel remember me. would it be weird if

obsetress: FUCK

obsetress: this absolutely happens

em: viola is VERY apprehensive at first

obsetress: god yeah esp after getting so hurt by it but

obsetress: viola sure cannot say no to dani!

em: i love some dani with kids tho

em: maybe too soft but do u think for at least a couple years dani would like. send isabel a bday card

em: like dead air otherwise

em: hmm idk i am chewing that one over more

obsetress: god it's hard i think dani wants to but she doesn't

obsetress: i could see dani writing them and holding onto them

em: oh that’s even worse

obsetress: even tho she really doesnt think she'll ever talk to vi again

em: what a soft and depressing thought. thank u. i resent u.

obsetress: yeah it hurts!

obsetress: but then she does! and she gives them all to isabel when she's older maybe

em: hold on i’m gonna bawl

em: sometimes my parents will be like um. do u remember this person and i’m like uh i don’t remember people i worked w two years ago let alone

em: but i think isabel does

em: i will be thinking about this all afternoon bestie have a wonderful slumber

[em note: em yells in hannahs DMs while she's asleep dot png]

em: no um. mate im still furious about the isabel of it all wtf

em: thinking about um. like ok i dont wanna use isabel as a prop but this is certainly one of those times where

em: violas been hurt before and viola's hurt other people before because she's deeply troubled and i feel like that would be one of the first times she sorta. sure she licks her wounds and feels miserable for herself but its also like uh

em: really sobering to realise This Hurts Isabel Too

em: because yknow violas very gatekeep gaslight girlboss i think shes got a strong enough sense of self that nothing really shakes that. maybe even to a deluded degree. i dont think she goes to therapy because shes like wow im fucked up i gotta get help, she's more like

em: shes really driven by her love for isabel!! gestures WILDLY

em: realised this is an au where parents get therapy and dont pass their traumas onto their kids and i want OFF this WILD RIDE im so tired of discovering things about myself through the realm of fiction

obsetress: yeah same i kept thinking about it too alfkadlsfkjdasf

obsetress: i want to reply to every single line of the isabel thing but i'm not gonna do that so let me just say: YEAH

obsetress: like isabel is her cornerstone full stop everything comes down to isabel

em: dani's probably so nervous reconnecting w isabel again. absolutely spinning her lil wheels

em: they set up a lil date and time and dani's doing her gay nervous babble abt if isabel even remembers her or god forbid resents her n jamies like...

em: im pursing my lips as i draw a line on the whiteboard between jamie's whole childhood and isabels and shaking my head Goddamn It

em: jamie lets dani babble it out n pauses and reflects on what she's saying n then jamie's like. the fact ur nervous means u care. n kids are v good at picking up when ppl care. you'll be alright.

obsetress: god yeah this bit i can just. hear it

obsetress: it's so visceral

---

em: viola

obsetress: god my favorite taurus hedonist

[em note: hannah yells in em's DMs while em is asleep dot png]

obsetress: god fuck what was i thinking about isabel this morning like

obsetress: that's what i get for daydreamin between snoozes and not writing it down alas

obsetress: but just like how excited isabel is to see dani again when she does and also like, isabel and rebecca

obsetress: then i started thinking about

obsetress: rebecca and vi getting married and vi's always like i'm not gonna get married again it's bullshit and rebecca's like it's not for me but then they just

obsetress: like they live together and they share everything and rebecca looks out for isabel just as much and they get to a point and it's like

obsetress: oh. oh

obsetress: like they're both like it's the logical thing to do. it's logical and it's safe and we should have this extra layer of protection but also it's like

obsetress: they find themselves more and more excited a lil you know? and just thinking about how isabel's there and how excited isabel is and

obsetress: but god yeah what i was thinking about this morning like. one day vi has to tell isabel dani's not gonna be coming around anymore and like

obsetress: isabel doesn't really understand and she's so sad and then vi feels even shittier

obsetress: and she's like "we'll be okay. it's you and me, remember? moving mountains"

obsetress: "you me us, right?"

obsetress: the first time rebecca meets her she brings her a book as a gift and is like "this was one of my favorites" and

obsetress: OH I REMEMBERED

obsetress: so like when dani sees isabel again finally (and yknow as nervous as dani was vi was even more on edge because it's so inconsistent and is she gonna understand yknow? and the two of them just spiral––which is also another thing about the two of them in a relationship! i think they push each other down spirals)

obsetress: jamie's there too and dani's like "this is... this is, uh, jamie" and it's like you said jamie isabel parallels and so jamie's like a lil tender

obsetress: spoiler: isabel and jamie end up bonding the most

obsetress: jamie's like running around with isabel on her shoulders and then showing her all these plants and taking her to gardens and

obsetress: another tentative jamie vi alliance

em: isabel mikey hangout When

obsetress: isabel mikey hangout!

obsetress: they're hanging with isabel and she and jamie have a very spirited discussion where isabel's like "i wanna be a princess" and dani's like "why not a knight?" and jamie's like "why not opt out of the feudalistic hierarchy entirely and ditch the kingdom for the high seas?" and convinces isabel to go full pirate

obsetress: and then isabel kinda passes out with her head in jamie's lap and jamie's just kinda idly playing with her hair (vi is already like "am i... attracted to jamie in this moment?")

obsetress: and jamie's like "y'know, i should bring mikey round next time isabel's here" and viola's like "......who?" and jamie's like "my little brother? mikey?" and viola's like "right.... right"

obsetress: cut to later, when dani and jamie have retired to vi and becca's guest room: "since when does jamie have a little brother?" "she always has, babe"

em: kinda obsessed w like. violas love for isabel means her wires get crossed when the surly gardener is Good With Kids

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: mikey and isabel immediately hit it off i think

obsetress: a bit of an odd couple because i think isabel is definitely, like, her mother's daughter and mikey is............. mikey

obsetress: but i think they meet in the middle and help each other grow and play pirates together

em: viola is like. of course mikey and isabel will get along. isabel is wonderful. but jamie is quietly Sweating about the whole thing

em: so damvibecca are having their afternoon tea and their little cakes and jamie is Quietly sweating and she’s like ‘quiet is good, right? like they’re not tryna k-‘ and then there’s the sound of two 8 year olds (idk how old they are tbh) YELLING as they chase each other down the hall w wrapping paper tubes

obsetress: nervous babbling dani x quietly sweating jamie, an otp

em: isabel has gotten into the make up n given them both black eyes n scars and moustaches n everyone’s like oh no how’s viola gonna feel about this but viola is DELIGHTED

obsetress: dani's like "chill you all she's gonna––" and then viola is getting up and asking them to do her face too

em: made a parrot outta a sock and newspaper

obsetress: viola playing pirates w isabel and mikey

em: kids w their endless creativity n absolute disregard for personal property is truly a thing of dreams

obsetress: mikey gives her a paper tube and she disarms isabel, takes hers, and offers it very seriously to jamie

em: cuteeee

obsetress: rebecca's giving dani a look and dani is completely unfazed and reaching for another tea cake

em: absolutely unflappable dani clayton

em: dani and rebecca sharing a Look like hey have you ever seen her this gleeful

obsetress: there is something very tasty about jamie taylor having a direct hand in making viola so gleeful

em: takes a village!

obsetress: when viola's two big loves are sitting five feet away from them both

em: everyone changes everyone for the better

em: fucken soft ass chat over here

obsetress: everyone changes everyone for the better

obsetress: soft as hell

em: thesis statement everyone likes each other so much (jamie pretends she doesn’t)

obsetress: (jamie pretends she doesn't) (jamie might like everyone the most)

obsetress: viola registers mikey for isabel's school n pays full tuition

em: oh my god

obsetress: jamie is horrified and refuses to accept it and viola waves a hand and is like "too late, deposit's non-refundable"

em: (they carpool)

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: oh god and like

obsetress: flora and miles go there too

obsetress: full circle complete

em: broke: highschool au woke: guardians of primary schoolers au

obsetress: dani jamie in bed jamie's like "you don't...... think it's weird?" "hmm?" "mikey going to.... school with our boss' kids?" "why would that be weird" "i dunno" "he also goes to school with my ex's kid" "he's best friends with your ex's kid" "and that's not weird, is it?" (grumbles) "not anymore" "so why would this be?"

em: jamie’s ribbing mikey for his silly tie and straw hat but she teaches him how to tie a tie and also she keeps crying for some reason???

obsetress: oh fuck

em: mikey: can’t i just get a fake tie >:/

jamie: no because when u have a real tie you can leave it untied a little as an act of rebellion

obsetress: god it's jamie crying for me

em: i love that big baby

obsetress: so much!

em: jamies like idk what’s gotten into me i never cry n danis like. raises one eye brow and mentally checks off all the times jamie has absolutely bawled watching a movie

em: not even a sad movie

em: dani plays along

em: maybe ur getting soft in ur old age jamie

obsetress: jamie i cry three four times a day five if i'm being honest taylor

em: thinking about their weekly weekend lunch w damvibecca and hannah and owen and miles and flora and

obsetress: dfjsldkfjslfslfj

obsetress: god big found family

obsetress: you know viola doesn't like

obsetress: dani and jamie respectfully toe around whatever the fuck owen and hannah have going on but viola just does not suffer it. she's so blunt to them

em: big viola grin and all ‘owen, hannah, i assume you will be each other’s dates?’ (owen chokes on his tiny egg sandwich)

em: hannah grose is serene and unreadable as she dabs a bit off yolk off owens moustache

em: maybe even a bit pleased

obsetress: everyone is always so tense when viola and hannah get together because neither of them take shit yknow

obsetress: and everyone's like "which way is this gonna go"

em: god. peak snarky broads

obsetress: but usually they end up good. two apex predators where one is a lil vicious but the other is so confident in its status that it just chills

em: they have the Best gossip

obsetress: would love to sit in and listen as they drink tea and gossip tbh

em: viola presses owen on hannah and he goes red and viola presses hannah on owen and she does a little wouldnt-you-like-to-know into her tea

em: viola nee willoughby and hannah grose friendship is. truly something i never knew i needed until now

em: they’re both just that lil bit older than the rest of the gang too

obsetress: an important coalition

obsetress: hannah grose! hannah looking out for rebecca and that's the couple times she gets a lil testy w vi

obsetress: mikey and isabel besties but flora and mikey get along really well and isabel and miles do too i think

em: the sheer chaos of a taylor-lloyd-windgrave story time

obsetress: LDKFjKLSDJF HELP

obsetress: taylor lloyd wingrave story time

obsetress: jamie suddenly very invested in story time

obsetress: dani's like "i know this is the first time you've actually cared about story time, babe, so let me give you some pointers"

em: i was just in my head thinking fondly about like. jamie is a drop out and plays a lil dumb sometimes for fun but also prolly reads a lot especially to mikey and now i’m like. wait i’m talking to Ms Floras Two Moms herself

em: idk if i had that headcanon before i read she taught me a lesson alright but yknow what! doesn’t matter it’s a beautiful one

obsetress: thank youuuu i love it a lot

obsetress: jamie big reader is generally one of my fave headcanons tbh i'm glad it seems to be widely accepted. can't even explain why it's just nice

em: sometimes i will talk 2 ppl about my passionate drop out jamie taylor belief n then they’re like but she’s smart (it’s only happened a couple times hahsj) and i’m like these aren’t mutually exclusive!! this is my very biased experience but my friends who do manual labor for a living seem to read so much more than my friends who don’t

em: your brain wants to chew over things while the hands are workin i reckon

obsetress: yes yes yes yes yes

obsetress: i think that's also like (sighs heavily)

obsetress: symptomatic of hegemonic perceptions of the working class

em: i love when u sigh heavily it’s always a fun take

obsetress: i think jamie is v clever and reflective and like if there's one thing i've learned getting older it's

obsetress: smart doesn't matter i think the most insightful most thoughtful people are the most reflective ones

obsetress: like none of it fuckin matters just be a nice person

[fletchphoenix]

The Sins Of Your Past Affect Our Future

HERE IT IS! Boy howdy this one is long but I think it’s my favourite thing I’ve written so far. I love it to bits! Okay, thank you for all your support and onwards with the chapter!

Word Count : 6175

TW : Strong Language

------------------------------

  As Corona came into sight, Varian, Yong and Nuru got more and more excited and Hugo felt more and more dread grow in his stomach. This was it - their last trial and the last time they’d truly be a team. After this, they’d all part ways and never see each other again. Except..none of them would’ve completed their goals. Well, other than him. Donella’s deadline was tomorrow and he’d have to say goodbye to the bonds he’d built. His bond with Yong, where he’d show him different alchemical techniques purely to one-up Varian each time, a smug grin on his features at Yong’s amazement and Varian frustration. His bond with Nuru as they’d bicker and insult each other, but still silently (begrudgingly in Nuru’s case) agree to protect the other two if anything went sour. And his bond with Varian which...was difficult to describe. 

  He didn’t get what it was about the other boy. Whether it was his looks, his personality or something like that...he couldn’t stop himself from doing the one thing that Donella warned him not to do. He got attached VERY quickly, wanting nothing more than to gain the other’s affection in some way. Yet here they were. Two years later with no luck or success whatsoever in making Varian like him. He didn’t get it! He was handsome, funny and smart! How the hell could Varian NOT be interested? It frustrated him to no end - nights spent on watch wondering what the hell was the other’s deal. Initially he would’ve assumed the boy was straight, but..after finding out about his borderline obsession with Flynn Rider, he could just tell he wasn’t. 

  “Hello? Earth to Hugo?” Varian called, waving his hand in front of the blonde’s face before finally getting his attention. Hugo flinched back in embarrassment and shook his head, trying to erase any thoughts of the other boy from his mind..for now. “Hey you alright? You were zoning out there for a second.” 

  “I’m fine.” Hugo replied, a bit more aggressively than he’d intended. Shit, he didn’t mean to be that rude to him at this moment in time, he was just...distracted. By things and feelings he didn’t want to feel, because they would hurt him more in the long run and hurt Varian if he acted on them. At first he really wouldn’t have cared and would have just used Varian, taken what he wanted and turned on him almost immediately, but..he just didn’t think he could do that to the younger man. Two years was a long time to spend around someone, and when that someone was as charismatic and intelligent as Varian, it was hard to NOT fall in love with him.

  “Alright you guys!” Varian declared, standing on a bridge with Ruddiger chittering excitedly from his perch on his right shoulder and Prometheus’ reins in hand, “Welcome to Corona, my kingdom.” And with that, him, Nuru and Yong broke into a sprint across the brick bridge, Hugo letting a small chuckle pass through his lips as he watched before following along contently.

  As he passed through the stone archway at the end of the bridge, moss and ivy tangling together up the sides, he could see the hustle and bustle of town. So many people he could steal from, though..he snuck a glance at Varian, Nuru raising her eyebrow in his direction in disapproval as if she could read his thoughts. He neglected his former thoughts. He was a changed man! Besides, Varian wouldn’t want him to get kicked out of his home kingdom before they had the chance to complete the trials as a team. Speaking of their team, the other three all began to regroup in the city centre beside a small fountain, Yong taking a seat on the brick wall surrounding it beside Nuru and Varian as Hugo stood before them. 

  “Okay so, tonight is the lantern festival and..before we complete the trial, I kinda want you all to see it. Just as a nice goodbye before we all go our separate ways. Y'know? But first, we’ve got to meet Xavier to ask about the Demanitus device and some other things.” Varian explained, his voice sounding slightly saddened as he mentioned the idea of their makeshift found family disbanding. Hugo wanted to comfort him, but Yong already beat him to it. 

  “What do you want to do when we open the library?” Yong asked, a smile on his face as he leant forward and met Varian’s eyes. “I know that I want to make something that doesn’t explode. Something to make my family know I’ve changed!” He declared as he put his hands on his hips in a very Varian-esque way. 

  “I know that I’m going to find a way to stop the comet, or at least mitigate the effects of the meteor showers. Just, find a way to help my people. How about you, Varian?” Nuru tilted her head to the side, smiling reassuringly and resting a hand on Varian’s knee. Jealousy began to rise in Hugo, before he shook his head and bit the inside of his lip. No. None of that. Nuru was happy with Amber and Varian was very clearly not into women or Nuru at all. 

  “I just want to finish my mother’s work. I want to be able to know that she didn’t die out of nowhere and that she can rest easy knowing everything was done.” Varian’s tone seemed sad, his eyes focused on the cobbled streets of Corona. “How about you, Hugo?”

  Hugo paused. He..really hadn’t thought about it. He was supposed to just go back to his normal life of stealing and conning people before returning to Donella, but now he wasn’t so sure that was what he wanted. “That’s personal, goggles.” He simply replied. “Now, who’s this Xavier you were talking about?” 

  “Oh! Right!” Varian responded quickly, seemingly brushing off Hugo’s admittedly cryptic response. “Xavier’s the town’s blacksmith. Really nice guy, but very...very knowledgeable about legends and all that. Tends to go on and on about them. He’s interesting though! Just..talks a lot.” He shrugged and led them down the winding streets, the gang following close behind. Hugo watched as Varian walked with a slight skip in his step - probably the joy of being back in his hometown as opposed to how beaten down he was after leaving Galcrest after the earth trial. He can’t say he understood the feeling of having to leave your family behind - having never had one, but he could see family meant a lot to Varian and to have that ripped away from him..it must’ve hurt.

  After what seemed like twenty minutes of walking, they arrived outside of a blacksmith’s shack, the man inside whistling a little tune before turning and his face lighting up at the sight of Varian. “Varian, my boy! It’s so good to see you!” he called before pulling the boy into a tight embrace, his eyes shut with his elation at the man’s presence very clear. Hugo couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle, alerting the man to the odd trio waiting at the entrance. “Oh, and you must be his friends he met on the way.” Xavier’s kind eyes looked Hugo up and down, a knowing smirk making its way onto his face before continuing, setting an uneasy feeling in Hugo’s stomach. Why was he smiling at him like that? 

  “Yeah, these are Nuru, Yong and Hugo.” Varian spoke nonchalantly, looking at Hugo with a strange look he couldn’t quite place to one emotion. Xavier gave a little ‘ah’ accompanied by a knowing nod and walking towards a small, glossy bookcase. By the looks of it, it was covered in books about old legends such as the cheating willows (very obscure, in Hugo’s opinion, and Varian seemed to groan at the sight of the title as though he’d remembered a difficult memory.) and quickly, Xavier pulled out a scroll of parchment paper and unraveled it on the table. The teens gathered around the table and looked down at the schematics in front of them revealing a machine of some sorts. Upon closer inspection, he could see how the various parts of the totems fit together in intricate ways to make the machine. Hugo took a second to glance up at Varian, the younger man deeply focused on the paper in front of him, and an affectionate smile drifted onto his face, however it left before anyone could call him out for it and especially before Varian could realise he was staring. Not that he was anyway. Totally not. 

   “Thank you, Xavier. This is perfect!” Varian called, gathering the blueprints in his arms and heading back towards the street. Before Hugo could follow suit, a warm hand settled on his shoulder and turned him around. 

  “So you’re Hugo, hmm?” Xavier said with a smile, raising an eyebrow. “Varian has sent the princess many letters discussing you. More so than about the rest of your friends. It seems you’ve made a strong impression on him.” Shit. Did Varian know what he was planning to do? He knew the other was probably suspicious at first, but after the countless nights they’d spent by the campfire and the almost intimate moments they’d shared...he couldn’t still feel that way right? Hugo thought he’d integrated himself into their group pretty well, hell, even Nuru trusted him, so..why wouldn’t Varian? “All I will say is..I can tell a thief when I see one. And I can also see you’re conflicted. You may know what you want, but is it really what you need?” The blacksmith stated, encapsulating Hugo’s confused expression with a soft smile. 

  “Hugo, you coming?” Varian asked, breaking Hugo away from his thoughts and prompting him to follow along after the others quietly. What the hell did he mean? Did..did he know? How could the old man know? Why was he being so cryptic about it as well? Is what he wants what he needs? Well, he wants money and you definitely need that, so what the hell was he talking about? Conflicted? Was it that obvious? Ugh. It was all hurting his head far too much. All of it was so...confusing. “Okay guys,” Varian beamed, turning with a large smile on his face. One that made Hugo’s cheeks heat up and Nuru grin smugly at him. “So, we have time to celebrate the lantern festival! Where do you want to go first?” Varian declared, clasping his hands together with a wide grin.

  “The dancing!” Yong yelled, grasping Varian and Hugo’s hands and pulling them along with Nuru in tow. “I saw it earlier and I thought it would be fun!” As they were pulled along the streets, Hugo swore he saw a red flush on Varian’s cheeks, though he pushed it aside in favour of dodging the Coronan citizens that flooded the streets. Upon reaching the market space, Yong pulled away, causing Varian to trip. Hugo, ever the agile one, lunged and pulled the other man flush against his chest to help prevent his fall. 

  “Are you alright?” he asked, though Varian gave him no response, setting an intense stare that locked their eyes together before nodding and hastily looking away. 

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” The other muttered, straightening his shirt and dusting off his waistcoat before moving away from Hugo, much to his disappointment. Happy couples spun and swayed around them to the rhythm of the music, Varian glancing around and biting the inside of his cheek. “WE stick out like a sore thumb, don’t we?” 

  “How about we blend in, then?” Hugo questioned, bowing and holding his hand out. “Varian Ruddiger, would you bless me with the privilege of sharing a dance?” He pushed his glasses up with his free hand, fully expecting Varian to reject him and his advances as he’d done oh so many times. Much to his surprise, Varian’s gloved hand slipped into Hugo’s with the ghost of a smile on his face as he did so, their eyes meeting once again. “Wow. Okay then.” Hugo whispered under his breath, pulling Varian closer to him and shifting a hand to his waist as the other’s moved onto his shoulder and, once in the proper posture, they began to join in with the dance around them.

  They spun and swayed and laughed as they glided around the street, Hugo picking Varian up and spinning him around in the air before setting him down in a fit of giggles and smiles and, before they knew it, it was nightfall. “Hey, come with me.” Varian whispered, slowly pulling Hugo away to a desolate, brick bridge after purchasing two lanterns from a vendor. They both took a seat, their feet grazing the water as they sat in a comfortable silence together before Varian broke it. “I used to come here a lot after my redemption. It was hard to admit people had forgiven me when I couldn’t even forgive myself, even though they assured me every day I was forgiven. It was the one place I had that no one knew where I could sit with Ruddiger and relax. I wanted to bring you here, because..you mean a lot to me, Hugo. You’ve become so important to me over such a small amount of time and I trust you more than anything else. You know what I mean?” 

  “I’m starting to.” Hugo responded, eyes fixed on the boy beside him as the lanterns, previously in their hands, floated into the sky. They joined the mass of them already in the sky, though theirs twirled in their own, secretive rhythm. Hugo silently brushed his fingers against Varian’s before slipping his hand into the other’s, enjoying the small moment of intimacy between the two after he’d spent the past two years chasing after him and relentlessly flirting..it was nice to know his feelings were reciprocated. Guilt began to settle in his stomach over what he was about to do to the boy beside him but..a few more hours of pretending never hurt anyone, right?

  “Guys?” They heard Yong yell, their hands pulling away from each other’s and moving from their comfortable position on the bridge as they looked away from the almost perfect scene they’d created together in what felt like their own little bubble away from the rest of the world. Just them without a care in the world. Varian cleared his throat, the hand that previously held Hugo’s rubbing the back of his neck before he began to speak.

  “I guess we should get back to them. It..has been a while.” he commented before turning on his heel and heading away from Hugo before he could give an answer. Oh well, there was always next time-oh wait. No there wasn’t. Hugo bit his lip at the thought before shaking his head and jogging to catch up with the others. No. He wasn’t gonna think like that. Not right now when he was so so close to finishing his mission. He couldn’t let himself think he was wrong and feel something.

  They kept heading along the lit paths of Corona towards the castle, a purple blur tackling Varian in a tight hug on the floor. The other three couldn’t help but snort with laughter as Varian writhed to get out of the bone crushing hug he was forced to endure. “Varian! Oh my god it's been far too long! How’s my little brother doing?” She gasped at the sight of the others, “OH MY SUNDROP! See! I told you you’d make friends along the way! It’s a pleasure to meet you all!” she exclaimed, finally relenting in her tight hug and standing, also allowing Varian to follow suit. “Hi, I’m princess Rapunzel!” 

  “Rapunzel, this is Yong, Nuru and..Hugo.” Varian paused before saying Hugo’s name, a smile wide on Rapunzel’s face as the blonde’s name was uttered. Did...did they all know something he didn’t? Everyone had been giving him creepy smiles all day! Rapunzel, who was now babbling about something or the other, pulled Varian along and gestured for the gang to follow along. All he really picked up on was some guy called Eugene was asleep because of guard duty or something like that, he really didn’t care. All he wanted was to get a good night’s sleep.

  After being redirected to their rooms, Hugo immediately flopped onto the king sized bed in front of him, stretching out across it with a wide grin. Now this..this was what he wanted. There was...an abundance of green items for a kingdom that had all other rooms decorated in purple and gold. Maybe Varian had written to them about their favourite colours? He supposed Nuru would love it here, being as purple was her favourite colour. He felt himself slowly slipping into the realm of slumber before a knock sounded at the door. “Bleugh..come in!” he yelled out, rubbing his hand over his face and propping himself up on his elbows, putting his glasses on before seeing Varian enter through the large doors in his pyjamas. That...certainly wasn’t who he was expecting. “Oh, hey hairstripe.” he mumbled, an eyebrow raised in confusion, “What’s up?”

  “Can I sleep with you tonight?” the raven haired boy blurted out, before quickly resigning on himself. “I’m sorry-it’s dumb and I should uh-I should go. Sorry to bother you, Hugh.” He began, turning to rush out of the doors before Hugo leaped over the end of his bed and grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip.

  “I-no Varian, it’s fine. You can sleep with me!” he almost yelled, essentially pulling the boy back over and closer to his chest. His face flushed as he realised the potential implications of his actions and words. “Oh god no that’s not what I meant.” he awkwardly stuttered out. Stuttering? Really? THIS was the level he was at with his crush on the other boy? Wow. Totally suave and seductive of him, wasn’t it? Varian, however, ignored this, letting out a small snort of laughter before shuffling away and sitting on the bed twisting and rubbing the silk, emerald sheets between his delicate fingers. “So, hairstripe. What’s wrong?” Hugo asked, moving to lay back beside the younger man, who promptly laid beside him and rested his head on his chest. The blonde felt his face flush as the man’s fingers, previously rubbing the sheets, moved to trace small shapes over his chest. 

  “Y’know when you said you didn’t know what you wanted to do after all this is over? I..kinda hoped you’d stay here. With me. In Corona. I think we work well as a team together and...I really want you to join me with my royal duties. We could open the library together and teach people the merits of alchemy. I just..don’t want to do it alone. I don’t want you to be alone.” Varian admitted, keeping his focus on Hugo’s pyjama shirt and the little intricate details sewn into the fabric. Hugo glanced down at the other, smiling sadly and absentmindedly playing with his hair carefully, strands weaving in between his digits.

  “Y’know...I will. I wouldn’t mind being able to stay with the infamous ‘Varian Ruddiger, the royal alchemist of Corona’. It certainly sounds like a good lifetime. I mean, being able to one-up you for the rest of my life? Sounds perfect.” he chucked, Varian joining him in his little serenade of laughter as he curled up closer against his chest. “Yeah, I’ll stay, Varian.” He whispered as the boy fell asleep on his chest. “I’ll stay for you.” he gently brushed the raven haired boy’s fringe aside and placed a kiss to his forehead, setting his glasses aside and letting himself slip into a comfortable sleep.

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  At the noise of Yong yelling ‘Wake Up’ outside of his door, Hugo groaned and opened his eyes, unable to move with a weight on his chest. He glanced down to see Varian stirring as well. Oh yeah, Varian slept with him. As in..shared a bed together in a completely platonic and friendly way. He really needed to work on his wording, didn’t he? “Alright hairstripe, c’mon. Time to get up.” He grumbled as he pushed himself, with a surprising amount of effort needed, to his feet and put on his glasses that were resting on a table beside his larger than necessary bed. Varian followed suit with much frustration, the man absolutely hating mornings to no end. 

  Breakfast went far faster than they’d realised and soon enough they were trekking down the underground tunnels of the castle to where they had to build the Demanitus device. And, of course, the all too familiar feeling of guilt began to make Hugo feel nauseous the further they went. He didn’t want to do this anymore. All he wanted was to live the life him and Varian dreamt up last night together in the guest room. He wanted to watch Nuru become the magnificent queen she was destined to be. He wanted to watch Yong succeed in making his family proud - though he was sure he already had. He didn’t want to go back to the sad, sad life he was living before. But he was too late. In that moment, everything the old man had said fit together perfectly - like a puzzle that only had one piece remaining and he’d finally solved it. 

  He needed Varian. 

  Hugo’s feet faltered in the tunnels as the other three assembled the machine, Hugo watching them intently. No. He didn’t want to leave everything they’d built together. Every intimate and affectionate moment they shared alone, like the lanterns, the dancing and the night before. He wasn’t ready for any of this to stop. With a start, the three moved back to join him and the machine jumpstarted, a sickly blue swirling to signify it’s entrance that blew their hair around wildly. Everything was going swimmingly, until broken laughter echoed through the room and Donella revealed herself, the light from the portal lighting up her face. 

  “Well done, Hugo. You really have made me proud! Now, how about all of you step back and let me and my son do what we were always meant to do.” She declared, holding an alchemical solution in her hand, “Hugo, over here. Now.”

  “So, you’re working with her then?”

  Varian’s voice didn’t shake once, his glare cold, even though it burned straight through Hugo like a hot poker. It was uncomfortable - a calm and collected look on his face, though Hugo could tell there was murderous intent behind those azure eyes that were fixed on him. He didn’t even register the angered looks of Nuru and Yong or the feeling of Donella’s rough hands resting on his shoulders - all he could see or focus on was the man in front of him.

  “Why of course he was! The plan was always to betray you. Why else would he return the totem to you after stealing it so efficiently? We knew you’d be a problem as Ulla’s son. I’d honestly thought all her research had died with her in that wretched place, but no. One part of her still remained. So I told him to stay with all of you until you had all the totems, so it would be easier for us to get in. And it worked!” She laughed once again, doubling over with a wide smile and crossing her arms over her stomach.

  “Varian I’m sorry.” he whispered, his voice seeming too weak to even belong to him. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable he’d made himself only the night before with his boy. All the walls he’d built up over the past twenty one years had crumbled at his feet in this one moment, Varian’s face contorting in disgust as he turned away from Hugo. Hugo could swear he felt his heart physically shatter in his chest as he watched the other stare at the entrance to the library and step even closer. His hair blew wildly the closer he stepped towards it. “Varian please, I didn’t know!-” he cried desperately.

  “I’m going in. Don’t be here when I get back.” he yelled, running through and entering the library. As soon as he could, Hugo ran to try and enter, his body merely colliding with the now-locked entrance of the portal, a magical seal put on it. Pain reverberated through his body, him ignoring it as he kept fruitlessly slamming his body against the entrance to no avail. No. No no no this was NOT how it was meant to happen! They were a team and were meant to do this together! Well- he supposed Nuru, Varian and Yong were the team now, since Hugo’s initial less than sweet intentions had been revealed, but..judging by how they were standing beside him with their arms folded and Donella trapped in one of Varian’s goo solutions..they felt just as betrayed.

  “Guys.” Hugo stuttered as he slowly backed away. “Look, I know you two hate me-” 

  “Hate is an understatement.” Nuru began, her tone bitter and dripping with hatred, “You used us. You hurt all of us and now, because of your momentous fuck up, Varian has trapped himself in the library with NO WAY of getting to him because you couldn’t swallow your pride for one second! You’re so-god, you’re worse than Donella!” her voice progressed into a yell, shoving a finger into his chest as Yong stood back in shock at the outburst. “You’re evil, Hugo! Absolutely evil! So just leave!”

  “Listen to me, Nuru!” Hugo declared, stepping forward as he looked down at the hurt girl in front of him, “I know I fucked up and I was wrong, but I swear to you I was going to turn on Donella! I love Varian more than anything else in this life and I am going in there to apologise whether you like it or not, because he is the one thing I know for certain I can’t live without! I regret everything I’ve done and I need to go to him! I’ll get out of your hair and Yong’s but please for the love of god, set your biases aside and understand that I love him and need to go to him now! Please!” he yelled, brushing away tears that he hadn’t even realised were running down his cheeks before turning and continuing his relentless pounding against the door. 

  By some miracle, the lock on the library broke down and Hugo, unluckily, fell straight to the floor with a loud ‘oof’. The pain, however, wasn’t his main concern as he forced himself to his feet and began sprinting across the marble floor and passing the endlessly tall bookshelves. They towered over him and formed a mini labyrinth as he tried to track down Varian and find his way to where he could be. He desperately needed to apologise to the boy. His footsteps only grew faster as the screaming and sobbing started, providing him with an indicator of the direction he needed to go and a deep pit of dread and guilt that developed in his stomach as it grew louder and louder. This was all his fault. 

  Hugo turned a corner, met with the sight of Varian on his knees. His fingers pulled at his hair as his eyes glowed a sickly neon green, tears trailing down from his eyes with his waistcoat open as he shook. A transparent woman stood behind him, a maniacal grin on her face as she inflicted pain upon the man on the floor. “Let him go!” Hugo yelled, sprinting over and breathing heavily as he desperately tried to get to Varian to try and help him. 

  “Oh hello there!” Varian’s lips moved, though a woman’s voice came out as Varian’s fist swung and connected with Hugo’s right cheek, knocking him aside and his glasses falling off his face to the marble floor with the right lens cracking. “Pleasure to meet you! I’m Ulla!” her voice was far too chirpy for what she was doing, manipulating Varian’s body to stand over him. 

  “Varian! Varian listen to me! Please, you need to fight her! We need you! I need you!” He yelled, trying to get through to the other man as Ulla controlled Varian’s body, moving a boot to step on Hugo’s chest. His air was getting far too restricted, the pressure on his chest hurting as Ulla kept pressing down more and more. He started to lose consciousness, his vision blacking out as he struggled to get air. It hurt so much. “Varian, please! Come back to me! I love you!” he cried out before his vision went completely black. 

  When he came to, he found his glasses placed on his face and his head in Varian’s lap, staring up at the tear-stained face of the man in question. “Hugo.” His voice rasped as he pulled him into a hug, Hugo’s ribs burning as Varian gave him a bone crushing hug. “You came back-oh my god you came back-”

  “I’m so sorry, Varian.” Hugo croaked as his hand moved to the back of Varian’s head, playing with the strands of his coal hair. His eyes shut as he held the other man close on the library floor. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t-I’m an absolute idiot.” he apologised profusely as Varian tried to shush him. 

  “Hugo. Hugh, I forgive you.” The blue eyed man shuffled back and cupped Hugo’s cheek with his hand, a tearful smile on his face. “I love you too.” He said, voice soft with affection, as he leaned forwards and their lips joined in a dainty yet exhausted first kiss, bruises and cuts covering their faces and body. Neither cared though, content to be with each other once again after everything they’d just been through. Hugo shuffled away from the kiss, wincing at the pain in his ribs from Ulla’s relentless attack. “Shit, you’re hurt. C’mon. We should get back to the others.” Varian muttered to himself, moving to his feet and helping Hugo up who swung an arm around his shoulders. The pair stumbled, their limbs aching with pain as they approached the portal to the library. Glancing at each other one last time, Hugo gave Varian a kiss on the cheek and they walked through with gentle smiles on their face.

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  Three months later and he, Varian and Donella had found a way to officially open the library’s doors for good permanently. Three months later and he and Varian had been declared the official librarians, now teaching students interested in alchemy about the art. Three months later and Nuru had found a way to mitigate the effects of the meteor and Yong had become a prodigy in his own right back in Koto. Three months later and Corona was having a large ball in celebration of the library’s opening. Three months later and Hugo still felt guilt gnawing away at him each and every time he looked at his partner.

  He didn’t deserve any of this. All the joy and newfound family and immediate forgiveness from everyone around him. He was a bad person - he’d hurt Nuru and Yong. He’d hurt Varian, so how did they all forgive him so quickly? Over the past few months, he’d only come to one conclusion: they were all faking it. They were all faking that he was forgiven so they could all stab him in the back later. He supposed he deserved it, if he was being honest, for everything they’d let him get away with, with almost no consequences for his actions. He had everything he wanted in life, but he didn’t deserve it whatsoever. He didn’t deserve his loving boyfriend.

  Hugo sighed as he leant against the wall, watching everyone celebrate the occasion, yet he couldn’t be happy for them. Varian glanced over at him, a saddened smile on his face as he walked over to Hugo. “Hey babe, how about we get outta here and go to bed? It’s pretty late and I know you hate nobles as much as I do.” He called out over the music in the room, Hugo nodding in agreement before their fingers intertwined and they exited the large ballroom to head to their bedroom. 

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  “You know we all hate you, right?” Nuru’s voice echoed in his head as he glanced down at her, fury in her voice as she kept edging closer to him. “You’re a monster for everything you did. You don’t deserve anything you have.”   “She’s right and you know it.” Yong said from behind him. They were both ganging up on him now. Suffocating him and cornering him. “You hurt all of us, what makes you think we’ve even forgiven you?”

  “Guys, wait-” Hugo pleaded, his back hitting a figure behind him. Hugo turned to see Varian glaring up at him. “Varian are you okay?” he whispered, reaching his hand out before it was slapped away by the man in front of him. 

  “You really think I actually love a monster like you? You’re disgusting. You thought you could play me like everyone else in your sad little life to hurt me more than you already have. You don’t even deserve the oxygen you breathe.” Varian snapped. 

  “Varian-” Hugo choked out between tears, feeling the other rest his hands on his chest and shove him back roughly. He felt himself falling deeper and deeper into the dark abyss around him, with no way of reaching the trio that were already leaving him for dead. “Varian! VARIAN!” he screamed out. 

  “Varian!” Hugo called out breathily as he sat bolt upright in bed, his chest heaving and eyes searching round frantically for the other male. Luckily, he found his target fast asleep behind him, his warmth providing him with some comfort among his distress. Hugo slowly laid back and turned away from Varian onto his side, staring at the wall in the darkness as he let himself drift off deep into thought.

  Of course Varian would find it hard to forgive him - he was finding it hard to forgive himself for hurting the man next to him and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. After all, it had only been three months since their showdown in the library and he’d convinced himself that Varian only said he loved him as some kind of messed up thank you. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the wall, turning on his side in their small bed before arms snaked around his waist and a gentle kiss was placed to the base of his neck, courtesy of the subject of his thoughts.

  “I can hear the cogs in your head turning...what’s wrong, sweetheart?” his boyfriend whispered, his lips ghosting over the nape of his neck with every word he spoke from those beautiful, rosy lips. Slender fingers traced little circles on his hip to calm him, the warm figure behind him whispering sweet nothings. “If it’s about what happened three months ago..”

  “Yeah it is, Varian. How? How could you love someone like me after all the things I’ve done?” Hugo pushed himself up into a sitting position, his eyes refusing to meet the other’s face out of fear for what he’d see. Disgust? Hatred? Pity? Whatever it was, he didn’t want to see it. He didn’t deserve his sympathy. “I took advantage of you, Varian, after you’d been hurt so much..I was so...blind to what I needed that I didn’t even- god, I’m an idiot!” he pulled at his hair as tears threatened to flow down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than a mess like me.” 

  “Hugh, darling. I…” Varian let out a small sigh and sat up, taking his freckled hands and wrapping them around Hugo’s wrists gently. He lowered his hands to stop their assault on his hair, the pair locking eyes. “You heard the stories about the lost princess, right? And about the dashing rogue who saved her? Well, they went to see the lanterns and..apparently that’s when they fell in love. I never understood it before. They’d call each other their new dreams and that they were meant to be together and could tell in that moment. Well, I didn’t understand it until I met you, Hugo. I..wanted to share that moment alone with you before the trials, because..well, you are my new dream. I don’t...I could never hate you, Hugo. Even after your betrayal, you still came back and were the one to save me. We’ve both done some terrible, terrible things, but here we are. We bounced back. I know it’s hard to forgive yourself after something like that, but I forgive you. And for the record, I wouldn’t want anyone other than you. I love you, Hugo.”

  “I...I love you too, goggles.” he whispered before he laid back down and pulled his boyfriend closer and into a tighter hug than before, peppering kisses along his face, relenting as he slowly drifted back to sleep in a comforting embrace with Varian’s warmth and weight in his arms.