#its also hard to get advice for it when theres really no logic to it

[gay--dog]

sometimes its hard to ask for advice about mental illness cause youll ask somethin like "how do i get out of the hell dimension" & the person youre talking to will be like "how did you even get to the fucking hell dimension" & youll have to respond like "man i dont know my brain just puts me in the hell dimension & then convinces me im actually better off burning in a pit of lava. it just does that sometimes i didnt think it was that bad" & then youll just realize youre actually so much more fucked mentally than you thought & they probably feel bad for your sad lil pathetic ass now

[tannieastrology]

Synastry/Composite Observations 🌠

(These are just some of my experiences and I really just wanna share what I learned with yall)💕

Synastry-

💙✨ Saturn square Venus can really just throw off the timing of a relationship. Well its less the timing and more of the fact of that the two people cant ever make their minds up and mature up for one another. And there are for sure alot of barriers that come withing this aspect one of them being that other people can set these two apart. In the couple that i saw this in the guy was Saturn and the woman was Venus. Venus was led on for almost 2 years while Saturn chased a different woman in that time. Until in may 2023 they started talking but their communication was off so Saturn broke it off. Now in december everyone finds out Saturn wants her back but Venus has moved on. So in their case it was a lack of maturity and indecisiveness.

💙✨ Venus conjunct Pluto makes the Venus person SO obsessive ESP if the Venus person has scorpio in their natal chart. Remember the Saturn guy from the first bullet point? He was the guy ive had a crush on for the past 3 years and in my scenario with him, hes the pluto in this case. Sadly it was unrequited but man this guy had me in a chokehold which was weird because I never wouldve thought id be attracted to someone like him. Its like no matter how far I go I cant ever forget about him its so frustrating. My Venus was conjunct his Pluto in Capricorn in my 3rd house so the way we talked to each other was very agressively but strangely we find comfort in it? Talking to him was easy too but lemme tell you when we argued WE ARGUED like it was HEATED. Our friend group always felt so uncomfortable whenever we went back and forth with each other. So yeah i would say really look at what house this conjunction happens in because for me it affected my house of mind, communication, and friends but if it falls in a deeper house like the 8th house the affects would be like 10x more magnified. Alot of people say its a sexual aspect but I really just think it depends on where it lands. I fell hard because im a plutonian person in general i have a Scorpio Moon and Lilith conjunct in the second house and my Venus in the 8th degree.

💙✨ Venus conjunct Moon brings alot of understanding and patience in a friendship/relationship. So ironically the Pluto guy also had his Capricorn Moon conjunct my Venus nd while we did argue alot and made me cry often I always had a soft spot for him. I felt like I understood him and we had many times where we joked around and laughed often. However Venus conjunct Moon can sometimes amplify your emotions to each other if theres other planets in contact with it. In a case like mine BOTH his Pluto and Moon conjuncted my Venus so most of the times our interactions stirred up obesessive and deeper emotions in me. Sometimes he triggered my trauma and i felt judged by him often but as me and him are getting older and are maturing more we stopped attacking each other and started being more honest with how we feel about things. I tell him about my personal struggles and he helps by giving me logical advice. Because of the fact that our aspect was in Capricorn it took us almost 4 years to have proper communication and be able to share our traumas with each other. I trust him alot even though we bicker often and even if he might not like me back hes still such a understanding friend and was there for me when i needed him and that itself is something to appreciate.

💙✨ If one persons Venus doesnt have alot of contact with your planets in your synastry but the other persons Venus has many aspects it may be unrequited. In my instance with the Pluto guy my Venus conjuncted his Moon, Pluto, and Jupiter and trined his Virgo Mars and Saturn while the only aspects his Leo Venus made to my planets was Venus opposition Sun and sextile Vertex. From the guy I really do believe he should have atleast some type of contact with your big six in order for him to feel something.

💙✨ So going back to the Venus and Saturn couple they also had Venus conjunct Lilith in Saggitarius and she was the one who got away. So like i said she was obsessed with him and everybody knew it too. I mean when she found out I also liked him she started hating me even though i never acted on my feelings and tried to supress it. He was the Lilith in this case and you can really see that hes attracted to her but theyre lowkey toxic sometimes. He blew hot and cold to her multiple times and everytime she got a boyfriend he wants her back like what?? She wouldve done anything for him but nah he sold. Theyre never gonna forget about each other and this aspect in my opinion has a very “the one that got away” type feel to it.

💙✨ Even if your planets dont make an aspect you can still feel it sometimes. I have a Gemini Mars and Pluto guy had a Virgo Mars and lemme tell you our arguements were BAD even though they didnt make an aspect. He always knew how to retaliate to whatever i said and always had a slick comment to throw in and my fucked up Gemini Mars self found that interesting which looking back at im hella concerned. I also cant forget that his Mars conjuncted my Saturn and my Mars squared his Saturn so the intensity came from all ends not just the signs.

Onto Composite!

(Just a Disclaimer all of these observations are made off of me and the Pluto guy)

💙✨ Having a Taurus Sun in composite can mean that both people are stubborn. Im just gonna use my experience to explain this but having Taurus in the position of Sun can be either bad or good. Me and Pluto are young we’re both still in highschool so i know this wont be how we are gonna act forever but our relation to each other was a very slow process. It took YEARS for us to get out of the arguing with each other/ insulting each other phase since the 6th grade but damn sometimes i really feel like he doesnt ever get what im trying to say. We move so SLOW when it comes to our friendship and also communication because our Mercury is Conjunct the Sun in Taurus too. I read on a blog named awda on here that Taurus Sun couples never expect to catch feelings and its so true. To start with I never really liked him when i saw him back in middle school but in 8th grade i caught feelings bad nd since then i havent been able to forget about it. And weirdly alot of people ship us too. Ive read online that this placement means comfort with each other and while yes i have felt it sometimes, i feel that the comfort aspect of Taurus Sun in composite only applies if the chart is filled with trines and sextiles. Our composite is just squares and oppositions everywhere so we feel the stubborness and uncompromising aspect of the Taurus energy more than anything else. Ive done everything I possibly can to try to move on but im honestly stuck with him for a while now. Thats how Taurus Sun feels in my opinion. Its long lasting and not something you can run away from. People will ship you as a couple and yall might be like nooooo i would never but then boom one day you actually catch feelings. And who knows maybe one day he will I mean thats what my our older mutual friend tells me. I have no clue how he ever feels and I know its because of his natal Capricorn Moon but ive always held a soft spot for him deep down. Ive always wanted to look after him and wanted him to put his trust into me but it was never like that i guess. Maybe one day it will progress into something more who knows?

💙✨ Venus square Mars was another aspect that we held in alot of our midpoint charts like the progressed composite, the regular composite, and the davison chart. When i tell you how potent the energy of this aspect was to us even though we had Venus trine Mars in synastry. Ive always asked him why do you like arguing with me? Why do you like bothering me? But hes never really been able to give an answer. And i think thats just how this energy is. You start to find comfort in the disagreements and in a way it kept us stimulated. It was a way for me and him to connect and become friends. Dont get me wrong there were times where we genuinely got on each other nerves but with time we got more mature and learn how to talk things out and respect each others boundries. We still bicker obviously i really feel like thats never gonna go away lmao but its wayyyy more toned down now. Im not even trying to be delusional but i sometimes feel like hes always fixated on me the most in social situations and many people have pointed it out to me. Even if it might not be romantic it can still make the two people infatuated with each other. You know the saying “theres a fine line between love and hate” this is literally that aspect in a nutshell. You just have to figure out how to express your feelings for one another in a healthy way otherwise you can start to find the other person to be annoying and irritating. This aspect had me all over the place man liking someone and hating them at the same time was crazyyy.

💙✨Make sure you check your progressed composite too. Obviously relationships change and i think the progressed version of the chart is more realistic in how things are in the present time. In our regular chart we have Venus in Libra which i was like eh that doesnt really match us that well. But when i saw the progressed chart it showed that we have Venus in Scorpio conjunct Mercury in the 10th degree and it makes muchhhh more sense. The twisted way we talk to each other and the deep conversations feel more fitting to Scorpio than Libra. We recently started to open up to each other more and this progression happened in 2023 compared to in 2019 when we first met Mercury was conjunct the Sun in Taurus. So we went from stubborn arguements to being more comprehensive but snarky nonetheless. Also it explains me not losing feelings too lmao. Im only really speaking from my side ive had no clue how he felt but I know that he was just as clueless as me. In our original composite we had Sun square Mars and Mercury opposition Venus and we were like cats and dogs back then. Now, in 2024 we have Mercury conjunct Venus and Sun sextile moon along with Moon trine Venus and Mercury. The Sun square Mars aspect went away and were on the same wavelength alot more now. Its really interesting to see how it changed you should definitely check it out if you get the chance to.

💙✨Just something that I observed but all the girls he liked they had an aspect of venus trine moon and some type of positive aspect from venus and mars. All of them were weirdly unrequited though and i still dont know how to figure out how people get stuck in the friendzone using composite but i think it depends on the house and peoples natal charts. I dont have their birth time so i couldnt figure the house things out but look to see where the big six fall and what sign the ascendant is in.

I know I dont post on here anymore but I really hope yall enjoyed this!! See yall next time💕

[thepowerisyouth]

MONEY / FINANCE STRESS CONTENT WARNING, this next line is unfortunately quite stressful about money so this was an important warning for me to add:

This is also less for the random strangers on the internet who have no reason to trust my advice but more for the 10-15 people I know personally who trust my money advice based on prior experience and Ive sent them my blog link in the last month or two

US stock market is about to tank. On a global perspective its stupidly overpriced because markets like China are hitting 5 year lows (as in we've increased our stock market over 2x since "COVID lows", but their market is even lower than it was then.

Timing is hard but it is entirely possible yesterday was the peak of the market. Might also not tank for 6 months.

Market psychology is fucking weird tho so please absolutely dont 'short' anything, which is basically the same as 'buying puts'. Michael Burry nearly bankrupted all his friends, family, and random investors by insisting on 'shorting' things based on knowledge of impending crisis.

Just sell everything. I mean literally everything. Bond etfs might go up but youd have to have eyes glued to the charts to sell in time. Gold wont do, neither will bitcoin. Their negative correlation to stocks isnt really a thing anymore.

Get every etf, stock, whatever into cash in the brokerage account, then move it out of the banks/brokerage firms and into something physically in front of you because we are, in fact, in another 'historical period of bank runs' its just not quite at the peak yet.

Not trying to increase anxiety beyond nessecary-- its just that any, single bank can immediately freeze your money-- leaving it up to the Federal Government to pay you back-- and it might possibly be the case that youd have to rely on whats called a "bank bail in" to see your savings again.

Not a fun situation to be in, even if it wont happen to most people its just safe practice to do this during a "historical period of bank runs"

----------------

This blog is basically my diary of my thoughts (suprise suprise). But Im an open book, privileged (but poor) little white boy with complex societal/generational abuse and very little home problems so lets fucking go theres a whole mormon cargo van to unpack

Definitely recommend tags Im terrible at them.

---

To those reading this, if you have ever met me in real-life or on the internet than you have taught me varying degrees of information which can be randomly retrieved by my brain at any time depending on current CPU performance. Thoughts of my loving husband have occupied my headspace probably 95% of my time since 14 so he has absolutely taught me at least 100x more than anyone else in the world.

When I say "I", oftentimes Im thinking about "me and my husband", or even sometimes "me and my friends/family", or even sometimes "me and society"--- but I am not always 100% aware of the current headspace environment and/or beliefs of the minds of those around me without feedback

---

There are currently over 8 billion individual varieties of the global human language spoken within the mind. Lets start translating them all. Misunderstood words become mean labels.

I fucking hate mean labels

"Math wiz" = racism and/or classism and/or gender shit. Fuck that shit

When a person is niched off into one part of an 8 billion population human society, it becomes impossible to not "live in a bubble". Bubbles change in size constantly even if not visibly observed. Bubbles can be different sizes depending on your current day-to-day thoughts of your own society. Bubbles must pop. Enlightenment implies life only gets better the more times ya pop and lock it

My path away from purely mathematics, logic, and scientific theory began when I met my husband, and for the first time in my life it became important to me not to be an asshole to everyone around me

Ive been told (only after I started dating my traumatized husband tho and helped him heal a lot) that I'm a natural communicator-- and all my life I found myself listening and learning to everything and everyone around me trying to understand both their and my own motivations-- then I like to garble them up and spit 'em out. My memory recall ability is wonky tho and fluctuates highly with nutrient intake-- I'll get into that later

I wish I could have a million years to read every blog on tumblr. I really do. Connecting & communating is extremely important for understanding one another but it takes time

I had an extremely unique childhood (who hasnt lol), enough so to isolate myself quite a lot through sheer dumb luck. My mom is also everyone's favorite school teacher so of course I was learning a lot from a young age. Luckily I glued myself to the first person who wanted to glue themselves to me equally & we grew exponentially closer to eternity

If its still not clear: my husband and I are bored and love chatting with people, but like most internet loving freaks my mouth don't work sometimes well but my fingies do. My ears got fluff a lot but I got eyes for LEDs like a hawk. Wish they werent LED tho

I also have a naturally short sleep cycle (i.e. extra time for this), and I really wont be offended or weirded out by someone reading through and liking 20+ or whatever of my posts at once randomly. Stories are supposed to be read in chunks, and I think of this blog as a story & also workspace for my thoughts that Id love to see which chapters everyone has read through. Also I love (and only respond positively to) positive feedback, yet also suggestions for ways to improve my "theorums". As in, good faith discussions are totally welcome on any post.

For my 50 year old parents reading my blog so lovingly in their limited evening time-- you can sort by tags to see what topics your familiar with, if you play around with the search function while on my page. Mom. Show dad how to do it

In the very, very bottom of my blog I dont even think I managed to tag shit properly-- but its the roughdraft workings of the philosophy, as well as my own logical framework for answering lifes questions. Its 2 months ago so I might not even be writing according to my own works down there anymore idk I change fast sometimes

Last thing for now here is that I was always criticized by teachers for not showing my work, and for not reviewing my tests before turning in, and I pushed back hard because nearly every time I went over and corrected a mistake-- I saw I most often got it right the first fucking time on a pure hunch. I act on impulse when I'm not meditating mostly for efficiency purposes because I believe I'm correct, but remain open to emotionally positive feedback so I can help remove all doubt.

-------

This might turn into my 'life story' post, as its already going there. Heres what I have so far in the way of my knowledge of my family before I was brought into existence, and my "earliest memories":

Family context:

I dont know jack shit. Nobody talks about it at all.

Here's my own observations Ive made using the framework and perceptive filters I was given--

My whole family is white Texans.

Ancestory is slaveowners of course, further back is a very likely direct parent-child descendent line from the most famous inbred british royalty of the 13th century i.e. King John, whose brother was the arab genociding Richard.

I would call my immediate family as upper poverty class. Its more like poverty with extra privileges cause mental health stigma was the only thing holding them back not other shit too.

As children we had a lot of very privileged opportunities because my parents made a lot of sacrifices to try and bring us back up the class ladder. Lets look into that generational trauma issue

My dads parents (born in the early 40s, dont know the year exactly. I think '43 or '44) were more upper middle class, pretty high income. Owned an insurance business that was very successful by the early 2000s at least. My grandpa is described to me as a "monster" and "violently abusive". I have a single memory of him screaming at me as a young child and I was cowering under a desk, so I really believe it. No other stories at all to provide context.

-- I gotta split this section off I realized I wrote the next thing about post-me context Ill need to move this part lower down later--

My grandpa got early onset dementia, my dad didnt notice in time, and my grandpa bankrupted his successful company and lost several million of dollars to "scammers and sexy ladies."

My dad found out around 2015-16 or so. He told me a little bit after telling me my grandparents were getting divorced. My dad managed to scrape together about $200,000 which is being sued for by the IRS actively.

(He split that money in two, and entrusted me tell him how to invest half in safe value stocks that I handpicked as well as a calculated risk allocation to bonds which we sold for 30% profit the second the market crashed. He gave the other half to a brokerage advisor. I never met the advisor but saw the results. Dont get me started on how the other dude did with that money-- we started this endeavor in January 2020.)

Personally I also dont believe that its possible to spend an entire fortune on scammers and strippers, so Id love to see his books and figure out what the hell went wrong with that asshole. I have a hunch I know something more than anyone else ("Enron", guys, we're talking about an insurance company in HOUSTON, in the 2000s) but I will never be sure without the books.

----

Back to other family--

I do not know a single thing about my grandma on my dads side. She raised me quite a lot, but yeah I literally have only heard her life described to me as "she was a housewife"

On my moms side, my Mimi (also born 1940s but slightly younger so I think 1946 or 1947) came from a divorced, upper middle class family. In 1964-65, She and her step mom both got knocked up the same year so she watched her divorced dad remarry to said step mom when she was 18-19 and getting a shotgun marriage herself, so you can imagine what that was like. The "biological" of the two moms was a very good mom and very queer from what I hear. She died when I was a baby, from lung cancer. Thats all I know. My mimi raised me quite a lot, nearly equally as much as my mom did

My mom's dad, my Papa, came from a rural farming family in East Texas. Dont know much else of anything, but he and his siblings were named "Billy, Bobby, and Betty". As in, they are what everyone likes to call "hicks"

--

Moving onto my direct parents now. I know a little more about them of course, but since we're getting closer in age to the present-- I think itll be easier to describe my understanding as common stereotypes. If its unclear what I mean definitely feel free to ask, but I'll probably say "I dont really know"

Not much else is relevant other than knowing that my moms family was the mormon one, but that as soon as my dad was love-bombed by the church he joined to. Mormons were also different in the 90s I'm told.

My dad struggled with being one of the "crazy schizos" of the 90s. As in, very traumatized, upset, and gaslit by the government and his parents. Must have done a damn good job dealing with it by the time he was in his late 20s and I popped out cause he was never a "bad dad" to me at all. Definitely yelled and was more angry at times, but less than any other friends parents Ive ever met, and from what I remember he came into my room at night and apologized to me literally every single time within like 5-10 minutes. I know pretty much nothing about him pre-me. He was a tradesman my whole life and specialized in remodeling kitchens & bathrooms (the 'dirty work of construction'). All his initial clientele were the rich people my grandma lived near and was friends with.

My mom would have been extremely queer-presenting and posting on tumblr if born in the year 2000, but was born in early 70s, and was a raegan teen in high-school in Texas during the satanic panic-- she presents completely cis, straight, but has body dysmorphia issues. Thats about you need to know about those issues I'm sure my tumblr folks can assume the rest and be perfectly correct. Cause thats about all I know too and I'm assuming the rest about my own mother

--- Earliest memories

I think a lot of people face doubt about their own earliest memories, maybe hearing the way I connect the images of these events in my head to my emotions I felt will help others do the same.

----

Two disclosers about me & my current healthcare discoveries before moving on

1) My only "major" childhood trauma is loneliness. I have a partner now (started dating early high school, nearing 10 years together now) who was just as lonely and we are glued to each others side constantly, and have made our life work great that way. So don't feel too bad reading this, I'm only able to write it down because Ive healed that trauma and can dig this stuff up with no issues to validate the emotions I felt even as a child

1) I believe I have a genetic trait that is only just getting discovered. There are something like 6 discovered mutations that hold this similar trait so far, and its just basically chronic insomia.

It being a genetic trait tracks with how my mom describes me as never settling into a normal sleep pattern at 6 months old, having absurd amounts of nightmares and death anxiety keeping me up at night as a child, and I still dont sleep at any given time. I average 2 hours less sleep than my husband, who averages 7-8 now that he isnt actively being abused at home.

Going to get sequenced but even if negative I'd probably just be a 7th mutation, as they only found the other 6 genes via case study.

The scientists whove discovered it call it "Familial Natural Short Sleeper", if you desire to look it up. They describe the trait like its the best possible thing in the world. Well... terminally chronic insomia is not the best thing in THIS world thats for sure.

---------

My "earliest memories"

These arent ranked by time accurately of course. Took enough effort digging through my brain to turn them up, not like Ive got a 2003 calendar stuffed in here as well.

I did do my best to sort by first memory but it also might be sorted by the order at which I recovered the memories as being one of my "earliest" when I was a child and asked such things

1. Pure emptiness. I can only describe it as dissociation. I can remember nothing about the environment around me, except feeling suddenly sucked out of it, seeing only darkness, feeling almost a ringing in my ears and the deepest dread possible. This same feeling followed me in life for a little while, but started to take more visual shape when I was an adolescent, until at some point I would see myself sitting in a chair alone in a room that is infinitely sized but that slowly gets darker the further out you go. I cant remember what exact "real-world" event caused this feeling to ever happen each time it did. I just can remember having it happen occasionally when I was awake and doing things. Definitely dissociation. (If you are willing to believe me further I think its just probably "lights out" and being scared of that)

1. Riding a mattress down the stairs. I kind of remember two images, one is the tunnel vision of going high speed down the stairs and the other would be from looking back up at the stairs when I was done going down. Totally fun, probably my first rollar coaster ride. I might remember my siblings laughing too but it wouldnt be because I can remember the actual laughing-- but I can remember feeling the joy of being in a group of people laughing. At the time, my parents were selling the house so thats why I also remember it being a completely empty carpeted room that we were riding down into

2. My brother smashing his head repeatedly into the refrigerator for 'fun' and someone saying "wow he has a hard head" or something along those lines. I was learning english I cant remember exactly what they said but that was definitely the meaning I took from their words. I think this memory is strong, because I was truly very curious as to why my brother was just running at full speed, head down, and headbutting a hard surface. The words someone said after that must have been one of my first 'answers'

3. Watching my siblings play in rare Houston snow. Not much remembering there actually. Probably just thought it was mezmorizing to watch as I just really remember a picture and feeling peace

4. Will add more later.

[kozykricket]

VENT TIME WOAHH

holy shit am i just gonna never do anything? that i want to do?

because i really cant shake the scaredness of starting shit? and of trying new things? my avoidance is also quite just, annoyed at learning things with. effort n practice

and im convinced im just broken and unfixable in that department. that only a mythical gift could cure me of

but no, what i have to do is just do stuff without deliberating on it? thats

fuckin.. dumb

but also like, then i ask myself.. do i even give a crap about doing any of that? i dunno. maybe id just rather live a life where i dont chase any dreams. i dont think i want that, but it does seem easier. i want a life i… no, i dont know what i want. if i have dreams, i dont even know what they are. theres too many ways to live my life, and so rather than pick one, im picking none of them and all of them, at the same time

just

god. i hear advice to try new things, to just say fuck it. and i feel it! i know it to be true! but i just Cannot Give a Damn to do shit myself when . the prospect of starting things is like, the worst feeling in the universe. and where my motivation just lacks to consistently care for things

theres so much i care about, that i want to share and… make tangible in more ways than just rambling about it. ive wanted to for the past damn 6 years of my life. but…

i dont know. i just dont know. what am i even seeking in terms of a response? i clearly dont take advice. i hear advice or encouragement but it just ends up falling flat. all types - logical, positive, negative, whatever. i know i have potential. i know i can do it. i know its within my grasp. but

is it truly

i mean sure, yes it is. of course it is

but is it?

i just .. cant imagine having to go through all the stuff id have to go through if i actually committed to trying the things i wish to try. thats like,

lots

but i mean i do lots for other things!!! difference is i either absolutely Need to be doing those / am being told to

or it feels morally right

but maybe its also against my morals to not live to my potential!

but maybe the fear of being stuck deliberating on stuff forever, is also what keeps me stuck. the fear of how dumb my brain is. of not being able to control my motivation

anyways, best case is. ill just wait. ill wait for life to hit me really hard with a frying pan over my head. i know its coming. i just need to be hit hard enough. no im not gonna take this into my own hands. id much rather wait until regret approaches. i dont know

an object at rest stays at rest, and no one will change that except me. so no one will change that. im of the opinion that ill never be fixed and never start anything

no i dont want help. its fruitless. you really cant get to me. genuinely. you cannot. ive been encouraged so positively by extremely lovely people. it doesnt help.

[sugarglider-s]

thinking really really hard about how kai seemed EXTRA impatient towards the end of s7. like he didn't listen to ray or maya for advice or anything before diving into the boiling sea and its always felt very interesting to me. logically, the writers are just trying to emphasize his "hot headed" temper and nya trying to calm him down like the nature of water and all that, but for me its a bit more complicated.

in normal situations, kai SOMETIMES rushes in, but hes crafty and always has at least a vague plan before going in. he also relies on information and listens when someone says theres something important, but he didnt this time, and i think its because hes severely panicking on the inside.

ray and maya being alive is already the most insane plot twist of his life, so that's messing with his normal thought process, AND the whole saving the world thing, AND the fact that nya and him HAVE to do it together so he has to be extra vigilant that she doesnt get hurt because of him.

and that boils down to one thing: Kai is afraid of losing Nya to ray and maya. He thinks she won't need him anymore because their parents are right there! why would she go to him for anything anymore? and he feels so unbelieveably guilty about having those feelings because he should be happy but. how can he be?

[michaelmilkers]

an odd question perhaps but did you ever deal with internalised transphobia or have doubts about transition and if yes how did you get past it?

found this in my inbox idk how old it is so sorry for not answering it in a timely manner lol but anyway

yeah a big hurdle for me with top surgery was self doubt. tldr on the context i went to a very small high school (like 30 people in my graduating class) where everyone knew i was trans and i didnt really have to explain myself so i didnt feel the need to bind or anything but when i moved away for college and started interacting with the world at large i started to realize that having breasts was dealing a major blow to my self confidence and comfort with myself and just my physical existence in general.

and when i realized that and started looking into it it made me so so so uncomfortable and i couldnt figure out why. but through conversations with my therapist she helped me realize that i didnt think i deserved it. since it wasnt debilitating dysphoria that sent me into panic attacks or kept me from leaving the house i just kept rationalizing it and thinking i could get over it, even though i did that for years and i never ever did. even though they didnt cause me horrific dysphoria i constantly felt like i was living and being myself in spite of my breasts and thats just a very emotionally taxing experience.

so i finally realized that and worked through that and then i found a doctor and scheduled a surgery date and then i was hit with this whole new wave of anxiety. not at all about the surgeon or the work she did, dont get me wrong, i wouldnt have chosen her if i had any doubts about that, but i was so afraid of anything about the entire experience being less than perfect because i was afraid of being anything but completely satisfied and overjoyed. because i felt that if that happened i would be a ‘bad’ trans person because im somehow proving that medical transition is bad. thats obviously a massive stretch but i have ocd so this kind of downward logical spiral is kinda common for me.

this was really hard for me to deal with and honestly the best advice i can give is to visualize what happiness looks like to you because thats the only thing that got me out of my counterproductive thought process. i had to visualize what i knew would bring me joy and comfort and peace while also realizing the road to get there is organic and can be unpredictable. rn im six months post-op and i do not regret it one bit. there are even parts of my results that arent perfect just because of the healing process, like theres a part of my scar that is wavier than the rest, and when i raise my arms my armpits look a little different because my natural breasts were different sizes, and if i could wave a magic wand and fix those things i’d obviously do it but i seriously just dont care at all. all of my fears were completely unfounded. and i knew it literally the moment i woke up after the surgery and was lucid enough to actually think semi-clearly because i experienced a feeling of peace unlike anything i have ever experienced and i hope that every single trans person can experience that feeling at least once.

i visualized what my happiness looked like and i did what i had to do to get there. for the record i dont regret the years i lived with breasts, because it gave me enough experience and knowledge to know for sure that that wasnt the way i wanted to live. a hard part about being trans is that our lives are so hyper politicized that we internalize the experience of constant judgment and thats what held me back. but youre not here and doing what youre doing for anyone else’s approval or agenda, and the only person who can decide whats best for you is you. it probably wont be an easy or straightforward decision, and its something that should be examined and picked apart but questions you can ask yourself about transitioning or surgery or whatever else are: 1. will this improve my life? mental wellbeing, self image, physical comfort, social interaction, etc 2. is there something holding me back from doing this? is that something internal or external? 3. are there things i’m afraid of? what are the likelihoods of those things to happen? and if they do happen, what can i do? 4. how would i or my life be different (positively) if i were to do this thing?

[theunconcernedembalmer]

how do u handle ur social anxiety? ive been struggling a lot with it lately to the point ive sorta been breaking down and what better way for advice than to ask someone that comforts u (mun[?] too)

Mun... might have something more useful for you.

aesops way of coping is probably avoidance but we all know that aint the best way aha. anyway this was one ask i could not stop thinking about because i read it n went (john mulaney voice) Huh my anxiety never got so bad till a break down, n then it happened to me a few days later. i do find this funny yes

anyway, the most useful thing ive learnt to handle my social anxiety (not entirely tho but its a good start) is to identify which trains of thought is Social Anxiety tm speaking so u can immediately know those r lies. stuff like Oh they’re laughing at me just as I walk by, they’re laughing at me, or Someone else is here, they probably hate me, I should go somewhere else but I cant, aaaaaaaaaaaaa

(if im not wrong,) usually theyre statements that are along the lines of “they hate you” or “you’re wrong”, n they’re based off an irrational fear of others that can be countered using evidence or, well, logic and rationale. things like “No one is keeping a checklist of your mistakes, you’re literally the only one doing that and scrutinizing each one of them, others dont care so much about these things.” (ive found this to be a very good counterargument to use for a lot of situations so im bolding it) or “You wouldn’t think that if someone else messes up, it should be the same for them. And if they say it isnt a big deal, it probably isnt”. for me i usually keep repeating these more logical explanations n counterarguments to myself to kinda quell the social anxiety voice for a bit. i know there are cases that it doesnt work 100%, but its a good start

n if ur also like me who avoids eating/ getting food cos theres human interaction involved, i kinda try to get my friends to drag me out whenever possible. no shame, even a simple “hey lets drop by the convenience store later so i can grab a snack” is better than starving for like. a day or so. its also cos of this whenever i plan my schedule for the day, i see if i can plan it such that its convenient for me to get food for both lunch and dinner (sorry im not one for breakfast aha). n also i find that if i dont like the food (sorry im a very picky eater), i would rather starve than eat, so now im willing to pay a bit more for food i like n will eat

or just having someone else to talk to about these kinds of things, and kinda having a second opinion of “was that weird of me” or “should i have done that” with someone (ppl give advice better to others than to themselves aha) really helps, i think. u could probably also ask for advice maybe (like this? XD) ((after i had a small meltdown that day i went to my boyfriend’s to complain for an hour n honestly that helped me to release a lot of distressed energy n its better than stewing in it for the rest of the day + i got some advice that i slowly worked on when i was feeling up to it enough))

im also still kinda bad at small talk with strangers, especially ppl whom i just met. i find a small trick to this (that again does not work all the time) is to try to find a relevant topic (background is also fine i guess, depends on context), n as they answer find something about their answer that u can branch off into another topic. it could be a personal anecdote that is remotely related to that topic, it just gives u things to talk about aha (eg someone saw me drawing n commented that one of their friends also draws, n i started talking about how i used to get really bad grades in art class. which wasnt quite the topic but it worked). n when ur ending ur turn to talk, try to have something that the other person can comment on/ answer. having said that, this is hard if the other person is equally awkward/ doesnt give u much to branch off on from their replies (i mean they really only answer your question n rarely elaborates unless prompted. eg “what did you have for lunch?” “pasta.” “oh, what kind?” “carbonara.”). then i say its only as awkward as u make it to be, perhaps u would be better off kinda just sitting together in silence. its not weird unless u make it, n not every moment has to be filled with conversation.

thank u so much for this ask by the way, social anxiety is a huge bitch to have n it sucks extra much that a lot of our fears seem incredibly stupid from a “normal” point of view n we are constantly on edge even if we seem 101% fine cos we’re not fine aha. but just know ur not alone in this, n i hope some of these might have helped. 

i guess i should put some sort of disclaimer here, these r just some of my own personal problems n the solutions i have are mostly for me (maybe except for countering the thoughts), so i understand if they might not work for others. so i kinda recommend just sitting down, identifying which aspects social anxiety is affecting n finding a solution that works for u is kinda the best. try out different methods, if they dont work thats alright, if it does then thats great. it takes a lot of time, admittedly i starved myself for a couple of semesters before i found this solution for myself. it also take a lot of constant effort to counter, n to that i wish u all the best, n good luck in finding methods that work for u <3

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Track Opinions part 5: Roman

(I’ve been saving Roman for a while now and I am PUMPED! So here’s a late birthday present to our royal lad ❤️ It’s also super nice to save the creativitwins for last because both of their playlists reference each other quite a bit 👌)

1) A Gay Disney Prince: I mean... are any of us surprised? This song is basically Roman’s anthem, so it was bound to be on his playlist. I do find it interesting that both Roman and Remus are the only sides with songs made by Thomas on their playlists. I guess it goes to show that having a big ego runs in the creative family 😂

2) Wonderboy: Only two songs in and we already have a song about Remus, or “young Nastyman, archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy” in this case. You’ll start to get the idea from Roman’s playlist that he really misses being with his bro. This song portrays Roman as almost a perfect and untouchable force. He is seperated from all of his nasty thoughts and is the perfect embodiment of what Thomas sees creativity as (“High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds, There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.”). I like to imagine that the singer of the song is Thomas, looking to Roman for comfort. Creativity most likely split as a way for Thomas to, not very healthily, cope with his intrusive thoughts (“Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?”). It’s also interesting to note that at the end of the song, Roman and Remus seemingly join forces very successfully (“Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces; they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen”). Perhaps this is hinting at either Romans want to have his bother back, or possibly foreshadowing to their relationship dynamic in the future. I know I’d love to see Roman and Remus team up together in future episodes, maybe even against Patton and Janus in the next episode?

3) Disney Princess: This song is all about Roman dreaming about being in the lives of different disney princesses. Honestly it’s not super deep, but it does show just how much Roman loves to fantasize about escaping reality and living in his ideal dream world. He wishes his life were more interesting and exciting like what you would see in a movie. Also, Roman is SO desperate for someone to love him... poor guy (“I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss and we'd kiss And we'd kiss”).

4) Broadway, Here I Come!: (tw suicide) So this song is... interesting. It can be interpreted in two different ways: one being a song about how making it on broadway is a huge leap and very difficult, and another about a person literally jumping off of a building and commiting suicide. I always think of Logic vs Passion during this song because while Roman believes he is acchieving his dreams and is willing to take risks, Logan just believes he’s setting himself up for failure. I think Logan’s view on Thomas’ life and career choice is very hard on Roman and, by the topic of the song, affects him greatly (“The people all are pointing. I bet they'd never guess, That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess”). He doesn’t know if Thomas will succeed and that makes him doubt himself and causes his work to suffer (“The pressure it increases, The closer that I get” “And the last thing I hear. As the impact grows near, Is it a scream or a cheer?”).

5) Hallelujah: This song, like the one before it, shows a lot of Roman’s insecurities. Roman has a set plan for Thomas in life, but he constantly doubts it and himself due to the comments he gets from other sides (“Somedays I don't think my mama Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar” “Somedays I don't think my daddy Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar”). I don’t know specifically which sides he could be talking about in these two lines, but Logan is definately one of them. I like to think he could also be talking about Patton. I mean Roman probably worries constantly about being too much like Remus and disappointing Patton. Roman probably literally thinks that Patton doesnt think hes GOOD enough. Despite all of this self doubt, Roman still seems determined to reach his dreams and prove the others wrong (“But one day I will show him I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar” “Yeah, there's a crown covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not”).

6) Holding Out for a Hero: This song is from Thomas’ perspective! Thomas DOES see Roman as his hero despite what Janus’ not at the end of the most recent episode may have you believe. Roman acts as Thomas’ protection from all of his darker and more disturbing thoughts. Thomas uses Roman, a picture perfect image of creativity to help him escape from all the bad things in life and in his head (“Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need”). Thomas literally created Roman to be a perfect knight in shining armor. The singer in the song shows this by listing off everything that they believe a hero needs to be/have, Similar to what Thomas would have done in the creation of Roman.

7) If I Dare: I’m conflicted about what this song could mean. At first glance it seems to be about Roman willing to do anything in order to get more creative control over Thomas (“If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to. If I dare to want this, to want more than I have” “I am holding out for more than what I have now”). Roman really wants to be trusted more and would seemingly take huge risks in order to get that. The part that throws me off is this line: “When the room gets dark, and I am quiet. There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet"”. To me, this sounds like its about Remus. Possibly Remus begging Roman to not get rid of him and to remain as one. What confuses me is that the line felt so out of place with the rest of the songs meaning. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but if anyone has ideas, let me know.

8) Go the Distance: Roman is so patient... and so unrealistically hopeful... He continues to lay down and let the other sides get their ways because he believes that the wait will be worth it when he finally gets his say (“I'll be there someday, I can go the distance” “I know every mile would be worth my while” “And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through”). Despite how many times hes been ignored and let down, he continues to hope that his chance may come one day. Theres also this line: “But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh” which makes me think big time of SvS. He gave up his glory in favor of what Patton wanted because he thinks that it was the more heroic thing to do.

9) Flamboyant: The title really says it all. Roman is extra™️ and he knows that all of the other sides think so too (“I'm a very flaming flammable guy. Some say my fire burns way too high. Some say they find me too hot to touch. But I, I think it's not enough”). I also think its important to note that this song feels a bit out if place with the canon Roman that we know. From what we’ve seen of Roman, he holds back a lot. He denies a great deal of his greed and wants in order to make the others happy and fill in his “hero” persona. This song portrays Roman as having no restraint and not wanting the others to boss him around (“Don't tell me what to do, Don't tell me what to say” “Turn down? I never do” “And no time for restraint”). I’d love to see more of this assertive side of Roman in canon, but right now you can tell that he is holding back. He wishes he didn’t have to, but he feels as though it is necessary to distance himself from Remus.

10) Jumpstarted: Let me set the scene. Thomas is just out an about enjoying his day, he holds open the starbucks door for the guy behind him and... omg... he’s hot... he’s the love of your life Thomas! Roman the proceeds to fanticize about marrying and starting a family with this one random guy that they’ve never talked to nor seen before (“The only one I want is you. I hear the bells and the ring and already, Four kids and the big ol' wedding Singing, You” “And how was I to make a long walk home. You got me feeling like I'm overdosed”). This whole song is just Roman singing about his head-over heals love for a guy in Thomas’ head while Thomas has to act normal and even warns the dude to run away while he has the chance (“Take my advice and run while you still can”). Roman’s quite a hopeless romantic.

11) Brave New Girl: Remember how I said Roman has been holding back and trying to be more polite in order to make himself less like Remus? Well this song is the opposite of that. This is what Roman wants. Roman wants to let lose and be his wildest self again (“She wants a good time” “She needs to really really find what she wants” “There's a brave new girl And she's comin' out tonight” “Who knew she could feel so alive” “Won't take a back seat”). I like to imagine this song taking place after the events of POF. I mean if the others are just going to accept that Janus is good now, then does that mean Remus is good too? If that the case, then what was the point of him and Remus splitting in the first place? This song makes me think that Roman and Remus could team up together in either the next episode, or future episodes to come. Roman is lost and doesn’t really know why he is who he is anymore, so he seeks out Remus, the only one who really understands what he’s going through (“So she met this man, He was kinda rough. He said, girl, what you lookin' for? She said, I don't know I go with the flow. He said, let's get on the floor”). The man in this song could also be Janus I suppose. He does compliment the singer and flatter her, but after the events of the last episode, I find it hard to believe that Roman would be willing to fall for Janus’ flattery again.

12) Every Boy: Roman wants to kiss every boy in the world... and it’s never enough. That is all.

13) Primadonna: What a bop! This song is honestly so good! Again with Roman’s songs making him out to be a lot greedier and wild than he actually has acted in canon (“You can count on me to misbehave”). This song is what I imagine Roman would act like if he had nothing to worry about other than being himself. Roman wants a lot of things and he wants everyone to adore him for the beautiful prince he is (“All I ever wanted was the world” “I can't help that I need it all” “When you give, I want more, more, more” “I wanna be adored” “I know I've got a big ego”).

14) King: You can already tell by the name what this song is about. I’m honestly shocked how obvious it is. At this point we don’t know who made the decision for creativity to split, but this song and a couple of others in the playlist seem to suggest that it was the Roman part of original creativity who decided to push Remus out. He felt as though it was the only way to successfully move forward (“I had to break myself to carry on”). The others sides (I’d like to imagine Patton) tried to convince Creativity to split and despite his not wanting to. His decision to split seemed like it was a very hard one to make and left a lot of pain in its wake (“They say it's easy to leave you behind. I don't want to try” “Is it worth the price?”). Original creativity felt powerful and strong when he was whole, so of course he didn’t want to split (“I was a king under your control”). The song seems to suggest that he tried to repress his ‘Remus’ thoughts in order to remain whole and not lose a part of himself, but this could only work for so long (“Don't wanna have to lose All that I've compromised to feel another high. I've got to keep it down tonight”). In the end, the Roman side of creativity finally won out and both Roman and Remus decided to let each other go (“I wanna feel like you've let me go, So let me go”).

15) Cheap Queen: This song really shows Roman’s struggle with his identity. He’s so quick to change for others in order to be accepted by them (“I can be good sometimes. I'm a cheap queen. I can be a what you like. And I can be bad sometimes. I'm a real queen. I can make grown men cry” “I'm gettin' too cocky since everyone wants me, It's harder to be myself”). This convices me that the way that he’s been acting in the last few episodes (not insulting anyone, very opposed to Janus) is soley him trying to prove that he is good and nothing like Remus. He’s been hiding his true self which we see a lot of in episodes before Remus was introduced. Roman doesn’t want to disappoint Patton in fear of Patton wanting him to split again.

16) Humility: ANOTHER song about Remus. This song is really interesting. It shows us that Roman is VERY confused about his opinion on Remus. He’s lonely and feels incomplete without Remus, He NEEDS Remus back (“I need you in the picture That's why I'm calling you” “I'm the lonely twin, the left hand” “I don't want this isolation” “See the state I'm in now?”). Right after Roman has these thoughts and feelings though, he instantly tries to block them out and retrain the idea that Remus is bad (“Reset myself and get back on track”). He wants Remus back so badly and feels some sort of remorse for kicking him out, but then he ignores those emotions and acts like he hates Remus another moment (“If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?”).

17) Aint Got it Like That: Roman is greedy and wants a lot of things, we’ve established this. Most of this song is about how Roman wants more than what he has now, but he still believes it will come if he just waits long enough (“'Cause I ain't really got it like that And one day Imma have it like that And I know that it can't stay this way And one day Imma finally get paid”).

18) Dreamer: I’m not sure whose perspective this song is from, but this feels like a comfort song to Roman. We know that he has a lot of insecurities and struggles to create things because he worries that his ideas won’t be good enough or will be too much like Remus’ ideas. But this song goes completely against that mindset. It’s what Roman wants to hear: “Dream little dreamer, Don't care what they say” “You can do anything” “Dream like you won't fail. Sing like no one's there. Dance like you don't care. Dream.” “Don't fear little dreamer, You'll get there one day” “And I know that it's scary, But you'll succeed” “You're exeptional, You're original” “You're magnificent, You're sensational”.

19) Paving the Runway: This feels like a song from Roman to Thomas and gosh it just feels so loving and sweet... Roman has such big dreams for Thomas and he has so much faith in him (“Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly”). He encourages Thomas to go for his dreams and excel, something that he is hardly told himself (“Go after your dreams, Crazy as they may seem. Go chase all the stars in the sky” “You will reach higher than I ever could”). Roman does everythig he can to set Thomas up for success and to help him reach his dreams (“Darling, stand on my shoulders” “Baby, I'll be paving the runway”).

20) Go.: Again, I’m not sure who the singer of this song is, but I can tell its exactly what Roman wants/needs to hear. Roman is very clearly holding back due to his fear of becoming too much like Remus and that is making it very hard to do his job (“The fear within Has held you hostage. Break free and live. GO.”). This is a good song to be Roman’s last song because I think it helps to show us where Roman’s character is going in the future. He is going to let lose and relax eventually. Perhaps this will lead to him creating the better relationship with Remus that he’s been hoping for throughout this whole playlist. I predict that next episode, well start to see some of this newer, less refrained creativity from Roman.

(And that’s that! If you can tell that theres some tension between Roman and Remus from this playlist, just you wait for Remus’! As usual, let me know what you thought of this ❤️ Love you guys!)

[simple-ponderings]

Universal Guidance- Pick a Card

Welcome back to another pick a card. This is one is mostly centered on where you are on your journey right now and the advice The Divine wants to relay to you. This time Ive done something different. Ive done some shufflemancy and added songs for you to listen for any additional messages. These messages may or may not resonate as its a general reading and thats ok. There are always messages being sent but they wont always be for you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask God or whoever you feel a bond most strongly with, to help you choose a pile. 

+++PLEASE READ! Before you go down to your reading, I wanted to say that the most prevalent theme happening for all groups is that you’re all going through significant change. The Death card and The Last Judgement card came out for all three readings. All of us are experiencing change in different ways. I believe this is something being Divinely orchestrated. Things that need to end and also come to fruition will come to pass, whether you are ready or not. Hang in there everyone. We will get through this.++++++

 Pile 1: 

While shuffling I saw and got the notion of a journey, or the beginning of one. Traveling. There were sperm whales, mermaid tails, deep sea. Traveling on a rocky mountain, like in LOTR. I also saw a volcano. There was a weird wooden gate, with black bolts that looked like the Dolce & Gabana logo. 

Im getting the feeling of stubbornness. Almost as if there is something you know you need to be doing or not doing, and then you dont do it or do it anyway. The Death card was overall energy and then when I went to clarify Princess of Pentacles it came out again- quite quickly too. Is there an ending you are hesitant to release? Maybe it has to do with your habits, mindsets, aspects of yourself, or the people who have served their purpose in your spiritual journey. Regardless, something needs to come to close so that other cycles in your life-whether its having new friends, obtaining a new job, or learning something new, or anything, may begin. It can even be so simple as “The New You” emerging. Its like youre stuck in the past I think, with memories of someone or how you used to be, and now that that has been taken away youre kind of unsure of yourself and where to go. Maybe you feel a little ungrounded and not really confident?...Im really starting to get the feeling that this was a person you were dealing with, and they just couldnt really deliver. Its like being around them for so long has sucked you into weird environments that arent really in your best interests. I know this is a general reading but this is a feeling I cant shake, I apologize if this message does not resonate with you. If it doesnt resonate then it is not for you. This person, was most likely sent for your activation and transformation. Im sorry that its so unpleasant :(. You need to break free from this. Its like youve experienced both the really dark aspects, and now are coming to experience the really light aspects. I think this is what new cycle awaits you, but you are hesitant to let it because you’ve been exposed to that darkness for sometime. Maybe you even comfortable in it because it may be what you expect? This is just one stop on your journey, even though it feels as if it’ll stretch on and on and on. Give yourself time to grieve that which was lost. But remember you must get back up eventually, and begin building your new reality. You arent alone in this. You will soon leave the desolate rocky terrain and move into beautiful meadows filled with flowers. But its up to YOU to go out there and create your reality- your life, your legacy that makes you happy and is for your highest good. You are being pointed in the right direction, you are always being guided. Believe that for yourself no matter what others tell you, or no matter how things seem, or no matter what even you think. Dont let the negativity of others stop your abundance, your uniqueness, and most of all the beauty of your soul. There are some important things for you to consider: 777 and Volcanoes. Also you might wanna give the song “No Running Water” by The Flashbulb a listen for additional messages. Thank you for reading Feedback would be greatly appreciated!! 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pile 2:

 While shuffling, I saw an open path with wild grass on either side. The road was made of dirt. There was the word DATE written in red with other words. It looked like some sort of official document. I saw Space, and a blue light being. This pile felt a little dark, like some heavy energy but not too heavy- more like somberness. 

I feel like theres this onset of spiritual power, but you may feel as if youre not ready for it or its too much. Or it could even be that you experience emotion very deeply. And so you kind of focus on the material and logical aspects of yourself, almost kind of “rejecting” that spiritual and emotional side. I think you have alot of spiritual gifts, but you dont want to go “too deep”. You are comfortable with seeing tangibility and are used to seeing whats right in front of you. But I believe the doors to the Unknown are being revealed to you. You see all these phenomena happening and you just “Observe” it kind of. Theres this feeling of not wanting to get too involved so you just keep your distance. By that I mean, you just watch and observe things and try to remain unaffected. Its almost as if you putting your spiritual self at arms length is your way of self-defense if that makes sense? Its like youre trying hard to cling to the old you, how you and your life used to be, before all THIS happened. What are you afraid of? Perhaps you are a person who wonders if there is any merit or tangible reward for diving deep and I think if you do decide to dive deep it will feel that way. “Whats the point of it all?” But its to help you embrace your Fire, your gifts so to speak. If you do decide to walk this path of spirituality and embracing yourself, getting comfortable with the unknown, I feel you will be a completely different person. A Complete Rebirth so to speak. And maybe you are scared of that. I think The Divine is trying to point you in this direction. It will get easier. As you begin to walk this path, things will become Clearer. And I feel you will feel so much more “In Tune” with The Divine or whoever you believe in. I see a link, essences intertwining. Whats meant to happen will happen. Fate. Be kind to yourself during this period. Make sure you take the time to ground yourself and even go outside and get a breath of fresh air. It will help clear your head and balance yourself. You are Loved no matter what. You arent alone, you can let your guard down. Important things to consider: Angel Number 66. Pay attention to how you feel, whether it be around others or the emotions you feel in general. I think being near bodies of water, or even moon gazing may help you. I even think carrying selenite around may be of help to you. Remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically! Keep yourself balanced. Also give “Severed” by The Flashbulb a listen for any additional messages. I hope you enjoyed this reading and feedback is always appreciated!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pile 3:

I felt bliss and happiness. I saw a plant growing. There is this feeling of building something thats here to stay.

Im thinking you guys went through hell and back despite that feeling of bliss I felt when shuffling. Overall theres a overarching theme of having everything in life be on track, but when it comes to love it seems that thats where you begin to run into problems. It could even just be relationships in general. Or rather everything is finally going right, but theres this feeling of something coming to “haunt” you. Something that you’ve thought was over with and finished but manages to come back into your life. I feel like you’ve been through some tough shit and have tried your damned best to make the situation better. Like you’ve broken free from some sort of attachment or restriction but there is still a lingering feeling of obligation, almost as if you still feel the need to give it your energy. Maybe things didnt end on the right foot. Maybe there were things left unsaid. There is a message of unfinished business. But this part of your life will soon be wrapping up. After this hurdle, something new will arise from it. An opportunity that will sprout its way into the physical world. Its very weird, theres this notion of finally seeing the light of day after being surrounded by the night. The first light of the Dawn. Its as if youre running a marathon and youve made it through all these obstacles to reach the finish line.  Youre almost there, just a little more. This experience you went through, gave you the wisdom you needed to be where you are in life. It made you who are you are. You have gone through much transformation. Im really proud of you. But The Divine is saying you have to go through this for just a little longer. To Be who you were meant to Be. Understand that whatever happens, it is always within your power to decide how you want to act. You always have the power to choose differently. Always choose what feels right for you. Always choose what you know to be true. What has this journey taught you so far? What lessons have you learned? How have you changed? Use these teachings and apply them to your life and how you want to live. Important things for you to consider: 1010 is significant for you. I believe after this ordeal things will only get better for you. When you feel things are getting out of control or too much, take deep breaths and bring yourself back to the present- back to balance. Remember you are in control of how you respond, you always have a choice. Take it one step at a time too, its ok if you dont get it right away. We have the utmost patience and love for you. Also give “Home” by Brian Mcknight a listen as there may be additional messages for you. I hope you enjoyed this reading. I really hope I was able to offer you some clarity. Feedback is always appreciated!  

[greenninjagal-blog]

currently vibing in a two-week lockdown, can you share some of your favorite fics? i need some new things to read, and I've got too much time on my hands-

Aw man, same! The rest of my actual Spring Semester got turned online… Let’s see…..Fic recs for the pseudo End of the World (Courtesy of AO3, arranged by most prominent ship!) Keep in mind that my descriptions are shorter and written mostly for comedic effect than the actual fics, so if something looks interesting Click it! Get more info about it! Don’t just take my word! I tried my best to get a lot of variety of fics and topics and tropes, as well as authors that might not be as well known! Uhhh here are the links to lists I’ve already made for various other reasons check out my Fic Rec Masterlist!

I also am including various of my fav authors masterlists for funsies!

jungle321jungle’s || Max-isTired’s || TrashficParlour’s || Lefaystrent’s || Mine!

Completed Fics

A Deal in which Virgil tries to summon a familiar and gets a Circle King instead. And he’s really pretty. (Anxceit)

Love Like You in which Virgil decides to give up looking for a romantic partner and considers adopting instead. He finds more than he’s looking for with a set of twins and the man who watches over them (Anxceit)

A Dragon’s Tail in which Logan is cursed to be a Dragon by his best friends stepmother, Virgil is struggling to learn a power he can’t control, Patton who’d rather marry a servant than the Prince, and Roman has no clue what is going on but the Prince he’s supposed to be saving can probably kick his ass. (Logicality, Prinxiety)

A Game of Vice in which Remus kidnaps Roman and turns it into a game of who can come save him from his lonely tower. (Logicality, Prinxeity) 

double down with the paradigms in which Logan tries to explain away his own OCD while dealing with the emotions he has for a certain Pre-Vet. Excellent depiction of OCD, made me cry, 300/10 would read again. (Logicality, Prinxiety)

It Takes Two to Tango in which Roman begs his brother, Logan, to let him go back in time to meet a famous dancer. Falling in Love was not part of the plan. (Prinxiety, Logicality)

A favorite star in the heavens in which everyone has at least one soulmate. They’re luckily enough to have three each. (LAMP) 

Forgotten Forests and Magnified Myths in which Logan finds out very suddenly that he has the passive ability to talk to dragons. (DAMP, Remilie)

Sense5 in which five people in different countries are suddenly psychically linked together and uh…yeah fun times. (DLAMP)

Stray Hearts Are Subject To Change in which black cat hybrid Virgil plans to die very heroically in an alley and Roman completely messes up that plan by being a decent human being. (Prinxiety, Logicality)

Hidden In Shadows in which Virgil is the boogieman every adult warned you about but he doesn’t actually enjoy being scary. Good thing the three Sanders kids aren’t scared of anything. (Not so good for their very confused Dad who isn’t sure what to do about their new imaginary friend)

Paved with Good Intentions in which the dark sides agree to send Virgil to the light sides as a way to get Thomas to listen to them more. Now if Virgil can just get along with the Light sides enough to actually start making some progress…

Absent Gods and Silent Tyranny or: How Logan Learned to Stop Over Thinking and Love Everyone in which Logan is a morally grey scientist who just works for supervillains because they pay well. He doesn’t expect someone like Virgil to change that.

Series

Clouds and Moss AU in which the sides are gods and its very gay and very good. (Intrulogical, Roceit)

Colors in which Logan is an excellent Dad, Virgil is an amazing son, and the world is very colorful. (Logicality)

Labeled in which Logan is a famous superhero, Patton is a doctor, and they adopt the would-be super villain and everything is soft and lovely and I cry at the purity. (Logicality, Remilie)

Fbi!au in which the sides work for the fbi and I diligently reread these series of oneshots for a daily dose of serotonin!  (Logince, Moxiety)

Growing Old is More Fun with You in which Patton is a PTA dad and so is Deceit and they have a “rivalry”. (Mociet)

Gilded Cage in which Roman is forced to dance for the fairy queen whenever she wants it. (Prinxiety)

Renegades! in which the sides live in a dystopia and fight the government while being completely in love with each other. (Prinxiety, Logiciality) 

Love and Other Fairytales in which a couple decides to keep their changling and their actual son, a child is cursed gifted a voice that makes people do whatever he says, a boy makes a rotten deal for the sake of his friend, and centuries before any of this, a fae prince is tricked into an endless sleep by his brother. 

The Vampire Hunting Vampire in which Virgil was turned into a monster and LPR slowly convince him he’s not as bad as he thinks he is. Through cuddles. (LAMP, DLAMP)

Wasteland, Baby! in which there are things in the woods and Patton gets,,, intimate with them. On purpose! (LAMP)

Destined in which Damian has successfully ignored his Soulmates for five years and he planned on doing it for much longer but on his twentieth birthday fate intervenes with a second soultrait that forces him to come face to face with all of them. (DLAMP)

Old Gods in which Gods sometimes walk the earth and Remus is pleased to hear that people are still making offerings to him– wait that is not a goat. And other fun stories!

Sit back and watch the world go by in which Virgil is a human abducted by alien smugglers, befriends Patton, breaks out, and everyone fears humans as space orcs, almost as much as Virgil is afraid of them. 

Teaming the Pieces Together in which Thomas is a pokemon trainer and eevees just…click with him.

Tales from the Dark Sides in which the author provides a lovely hub of works where Virgil is abused by OC dark sides and DLMPR are there to help patch him up.

Uncle Emile and the Super Nephews in which Emile gets custody of his six nephews and tries to bond with them. They in turn try very hard not to tell him they have superpowers.

Cuffed Universe in which Remus is a cop chasing after a hacker, Logan breaks the laws and Virgil would just like tO KEEP ONE JOB WITHOUT ONE OR BOTH OF THE OTHERS DRAGGING HIM INTO THEIR SHIT. (Analomus)

Ongoing Fics

The Origin in which space travel via Thomas Sanders’s ship SS Revelation gets more complicated when the Planets themselves turn out to be entities who aren’t all on board with humanity spreading to the rest of the solar system. (Remile) 

Delicato in which Logan and Patton are music professors with very different conceptions of music, and Virgil and Roman are students in both their classes who just want them to kiss already. (Logicality, Prinxiety)

Coming out of The Shadows in which a small mutant child Virgil is treated as subhuman because of his uncontrolled ability to manipulate shadows up until a scientist buys him. (Royality)

Falling Stars At My Command in which Roman wishes on a star and Patton reaps the benefits while Logan unfortunately gets dragged along for the ride. (Royality) 

Sugar in which Patton has three sons and no free time to bother with a relationship while he’s trying to manage bills. At least until Roman walks into his life. Sugar Daddy anyone? (Royality) 

A Man, a Snake, and a Rat in which Logan, Deceit, and Remus become college roomates (Intruloceit) 

a.s.h.es, ashes (We all fall down) in which after Logan almost dies during one of his recuse missions, him and his partner start to dig into the superhero agency they’re employed by and stumble into something far bigger than they expected. (Logicality, Prinxiety, LAMP? LAMP)

Keep him safe in which Detective Logan falls for the owner of his new favorite bakery while his partner Roman falls for the gang member they’re chasing. Ft: emotions, a pet rat, dealing with delusions 101, trauma, and family so gooey it literally makes me melt whenever it updates. I love this fic so much. (Advertises as Logicality and Prinxiety but theres so much LAMP I can’t not put it down here)

Multitudes in which Virgil works at a coffeeshop, pines over the customers that come in, and wonders why they all tip him so well. (LAMP)

Songbird in which the only thing keeping Virgil’s parents alive is his voice: the moment the (new) King gets tired of listening to him its off with all their heads. And Virgil’s okay with that, he is…. Until three visiting nobles leaving him wishing for his freedom for the first time since he was ten. (LAMP)

Shatter in which Logan gets fed up with not being listened to, and takes some poor advice from Rage, which ends with the entire Mindscape being turned upside down and inside out. Now its up to Deceit fix it all. (aka the author decided it was about high time Deceit got some love and appreciation and I’m out here living for it.) (DAMP)

Incredible Cosmic Power in which Virgil awakens some genies by accident and they refuse to let him go back to living a relatively normal peaceful life. (DLAMP)

Plea for my New Self in which Vampire Virgil decides he wants to start over again, and goes back to college to work on coding. There he proceeds to do reckless good with his absurd amount of wealth and a “fuck it” attitude. Actually one of my favorite things ever okay. I love this one so much. (DLAMP)

Your Wish Is My Command in which Thomas accidentally rubs six lamps and becomes the glorified babysitter to six jinn who definitely don’t trust him. But its fineeee. (DLAMP)

6 Dads in which Deceit, Emile, Remus, Roman, Thomas, and Remy make a relationship work and their children aren’t sure how but go along with it anyway.

Rebel Rebel in which Thomas, a well respected man, visits the Imagination, for some pleasure business as a one time thing. Except that he keeps coming back. Maybe maybe falls in love with one, two, thr– all of the men who work there. 

A New Kind of Experiment  in which Virgil runs away from home, and ends up kidnapped by merman, and somehow he doesn’t mind that much.

Becoming His Own Hero in which everyone has to juggle their superhero lives with their regular lives and sometimes…its just hard.

don’t wanna be a tragedy in which brothers Roman and Remus get a house and subsequently find out its totally, completely, 100% haunted.

Don’t You, Forget About Me in which the author recreates Breakfast club and does it spectacularly.

Heart’s Heroes in which Patton may be a villain but that does not mean he wants to see the child heroes of the city dead.

Mortals and Fae in which Deceit barely escapes the wrath of his town when they all turn against him. Dying, he stumbles into a fairy circle hoping that with his name the fae make his death short and sweet. Big Shock for him when he wakes up with a Fairy Prince swearing to protect him.

Sanders Family in which Thomas adopts six kids and has no regrets about it.

How Not to Go About an Important Inspection in which after a devastating betrayal the crew of the USS Bifrost is docked for repairs and the crew just wants to go back to being a normal family but Command is insisting on an inspection to ensure nothing so…drastic occurs again.

Symbiotic in which certain Vampires have a vemon that leaves with victims craving getting their blood drunken. Deceit, one of these Victims, continues to burn bridges because that’s easier than admitting he might need help dealing with this. 

[illfoandillfie]

hey! for the tarot cards reading, a love or relationship would be cool! his name starts with D and mine J. He’s a scorpio and i’m a Libra if that matters. We met off Bumble too LOL. thank you and if you can’t do it no worries! 🥺❤️

here you go darl

Tarot: 2 of pentacles, 9 of pentacles, 2 of cups, 9 of cups, 8 of pentacles, queen of swords, 7 of cups, 2 of swords

okay these cards literally made me so fucking angry last night when i pulled them and you’ll see why in a minute, but hopefully in typing this up i’ll figure out what they’re getting at. This first set I drew asking the cards about you and D in a general sense. 

(One interesting thing to note before we start is that there is only 1 court card here which later you’ll see that i took to represent you. Which means that D doesn’t really appear in this reading so it’s all very internally focused on you. I will say that the bottom of the jane austen deck when i finished pulling these cards was the king of pentacles (the other bottom deck card was the wheel of fortune) so if we take that king has representing D, that shows that you’re relative equals, of a similar age/experience level and also that this does concern him but it’s still about you.)

So, anyway, let’s start with that 2 of pentacles. It’s a card about balance - weighing up options to make a decision, balancing priorities when your situation changes. It’s being clarified by the 8 of pentacles which represents apprenticeship. Normally the 8 of pents would appear in relation to someone starting a new job or course of study, things like that, but if we look at it in the context of this potential romantic relationship it’s really just saying its a new thing, still in the early days. There’s passion there but the 8 of pents also symbolises high standards and to me, the two cards together are just saying that you’re at a stage where you’re deciding whether or not to pursue this thing. Is he worth it? Is it likely to go somewhere? 

Next we have the 9 of wands and the queen of swords. I think the Queen represents you (swords is tied to the air signs and libra is an air sign). She’s the least emotional of the queens, the most logical. She is loving and loyal but only to those she deems worthy. She’s very selective about who she lets get close to her. And she’s clarifying the 9 of wands which represents resilience and taking a stand, strength in adversity. It’s about protecting yourself. And I think these two cards are a bit of a warning to not get too caught up in the newness of it all, the passion and excitement of a new relationship. Don’t rush it, basically. Think things through properly before you move forward and be as sure as you can be that it’s right for you. 

Then we have the 2 of cups which, usually, is one of the best cards to get in a romantic reading, second only to The Lovers I’d say. It’s about partnership and connection. Some people see it as an indication of soulmates or twin flames. It’s a really good indication that the relationship can move forward harmoniously and that there will be a deeper connection. But. Here it’s being clarified by the 7 of cups. There are 2 ways to interpret the 7 of cups. The first is about choices and options. There’s 7 cups there you could drink out of. That’s a lot of choice, a lot of potential paths you could take. If you read it in that way then together these cards could be saying that you have other options for a romantic connection. Or he does. Or, the other way to interpret the 7 of cups is to do with fantasy and imagination and daydreaming. Maybe this is all a bit of a pipe dream? Too good to be true? Perhaps this is a warning about imagining what might be before you know where he stands, or about having unrealistic expectations about the relationship. Either way, be cautious. I did also pull a third card to try and clarify these two further this morning (lord knows why i didn’t do that to start) and i got the 7 of swords which on one hand is about deception and trickery, and on the other is about determination. So it didn’t really do a whole lot of clear things up lmao.

(are you starting to see why i was getting annoyed lmao)

Finally, the 9 of pentacles and the 2 of swords. The 9 of pents is a happy card. It’s about receiving the fruits of your labour, being rewarded, feeling accomplished. There’s a sense that you’ve been waiting a while for someone decent to come along and this potential relationship is your reward for that. It’s the universe saying you’ve been patient and now it’s your turn. But the 2 of swords under is another card about decisions and choice so we’re back to where we fucking started. Another 2. More balancing. More decisions. It can also represent a stalemate of sorts, indecision. Maybe you have a feeling that your family or friends wouldnt like him, maybe you’re used to being autonomous and independent and aren’t sure how that will be effected by being in a relationship. Whatever it is, something is being weighed up here, something needs to be decided. 

SO, after that I decided to draw a few more tarot cards to try and get an indication of this decision and where the relationship was headed in 2021. This is where i started to get really annoyed lmao

tarot: seven of swords, 3 of cups, 8 of wands, 2 of wands, ace of wands, 7 of wands, king of pentacles

So the 7 of pentacles (wild that i just drew this card as a clarifier but anyway), like i said before, trickery/deception and determination. With the ace of wands under it i’m inclined to lean more towards determination. See, the ace of wands is about creation and willpower and desire. It indicates that there is a spark here, excitement and passion and things are heating up or are on the precipice of doing so. And someone (you or him or both of you) is willing it to go further, for something to come of it. I will say, with the 7 of swords, maybe be wary for any sense that he’s lying about something or even just be wary about what you say because small white lies can become big problems later on. But, I definitely see it as more of a determination thing, that theres a push to move forward with the relationship or at least a desire to. 

Next is the 3 of cups which is about community, friendship and celebration. But it’s being clarified by the 7 of wands which is about perseverance and maintaining control. There is some sort of conflict here. With these two cards it might be that an issue would arise with a friend in relation to D. It could also just be a delay of sorts or that one or both of you place boundaries within the relationship that causes some friction. Whatever it is isn’t a deal breaker though because the 7 of wands is also about overcoming challenges so you will get through whatever this conflict is. 

And then we have the last 3 cards. The 8 of wands, the 2 of wands and the king of pentacles. Firstly, just want to point out how many wands cards there are. wands are tied to the element of fire which is passionate and full of potential so it’s not a bad thing to see a lot of. Anyway, this 8 and 2 fucking pissed me off. The 8 of wands is about rapid action, quick decisions, fast movement. The 2 of wands is about planning and hesitating and deliberating. The man on the card wants to go out into the world but he’s just standing there thinking about it. They have entirely opposite energies and they both came out together. Then there’s the king of pents. The same king I saw at the bottom of the deck after the first lot of cards. He represents abundance and prosperity and security. He’s an indication of a great partner, someone who is supportive and dependable and generous, though he can be slow to make a commitment. It could be that D is deliberating himself, tossing up whether to suggest taking another step with you or waiting to see if you suggest it first. It definitely feels like he’s stuck between fast and slow though. Maybe he’s thinking about where things could go but doesn’t want to rush them? 

Then I drew your oracle cards. 

Your love oracle is Bianca Del Rio. She has three pieces of advice which i’ll give you though they might not all resonate. 

A unicorn is a horse with extra potential / True love is clearly illegal in most states.../Everyone needs that special someone who can stroke your hair while you cough with your head in the toilet. 

The two secret garden cards are: 

Move: A rolling stone gathers no moss / Wallflower: Look for the crack in the concrete to find your way out

so again we have that idea of pushing forward

And then the two heart cards are:

Time - You are trying too hard. Give it time. / Wait! - Don’t rush into it. Allow nature to take its course.

So another message about going slow and taking your time and not rushing. honestly what the fuck

finally, i thought that maybe using another deck would give me something to actually work with. So i pulled 6 cards from my Friends themed deck and this is what i got:

9 of wands (again) / ace of pentacles ‘/ 10 of wands / the emperor / the chariot / temperance 

the emperor is about perseverance, authority and control so with this under the 9 of wands (which as i said before is about resilience) theres a desire to move forward. Even in the face of a delay or a setback, this person is still pushing to move forward. It might be that one or both of you has experiences setbacks in love in the past and see this potential romance as the end of your trials and the beginning of something real, something better.

The ace of pentacles is another card about new opportunities and new beginnings and the prosperity they bring. The chariot is about control and willpower and moving forward. It’s where you currently are. This relationship is only beginning but theres a desire for it to go further. 

And then we have the 10 of wands which is about success but its not an easy success. It’s also a bit of a burden or brings extra responsibility with it. And temperance under is is about patience and moderation and self-control. Theres a need to reduce pressure here, maybe to slow down. Go with the flow for a while and stop worrying about what is coming. 

Hopefully all this has been helpful in some way? Honestly while i was drawing cards it just felt like i kept getting the same messages over and over so hopefully it resonates. If you have any specific questions or want me to try and clarify any points here, send me another message and i’ll see what i can tell you!

[portpebble]

New Episode Liveblog

Disclaimer: The owner of this blog loves all the sides and will not post hate on any of them. I may not love every opinion or decision that said character makes but that is because no character is perfect. I Stan Everyone.  Thank you. 

Thinking about responding honestly, but quickly deleting it, thats relatable  repression baby!

The music??? IS DIFFERENT???

WHY IS THIS MUSIC SUCH A BOP

Oh my god, Thomas is absolutely pissed.

Patton trying to let Thomas be angry while also trying to give him advice youre doing amazing sweetie

Take a shot everytime they say ‘f’

NEW SONG????

NEW SONG!!!!!

THIS IS SO FREAKING COOOOOL

This song is a bop, but my ADHD is going crazy its so fasssst but so goooood

Wait this is Ace Attonery 

Roman, youre allowed to make mistakes bby

...ways to preDICT THE FUTURE “No!” “Hhn- ghfk- hngh- very good”

Roman are you okay? Did you get your house filled with feral cats? Roman? You alright there? ROMAN?

“Those baby making catholics” fgghkhk Roman I love youuuuu

Patton really do be bringing out the logic in this one huh, is this ep about empathy? Sounds very empathy-ish

Foresight seems to be the focus so far, but I don’t think that’ll carry through the whole ep

“Hes a jolly good fellow!” jdkhkgfhkhg

Oop, we’re back to the good person dialema (he made the “good” decision tho??)

Roman’s insults gfkhgkhk stOP youre supposed to be this mANS CONFIDENCE OH NOOOOO

“A bagel??? :DDD” ROMAN I FELT THAT (Also didn’t this happen before with switched rolls I feel like it did???)

Pokemon! 

A gamesssssssssssssssstORE

“They should cost a little outdoor time” I sure hope not. 

The little Thomas sprite pointing at the sign is so cute!

AT LEAST SIXTEEN GRAPHICS PATTON I LOVE YOU SM 

Is it just me or does Roman’s voice just sound a bit different this ep? 

Oh yeah, its all coming together 

Roman is like “please do not assault the actor for the hotdog, thank you.” 

OOP- ThEres the double standard!!!

LOGAN!!!

Roman clicking the Ignorant button and Logan looking just so done ugggh I missed our boys bickering in the last episode

.... jesus christ super star :((((

Roman reading Logan’s little fact for him is super cute 

I think its okay to do a good thing because it makes you happy because if youre happy that good things are being done than that makes you good (sorry, thats pretty much incomprehensible) 

Patton’s trying so hard to not push his opinions, but he needs to realize said opinions arent set in stone 

yeeaaebeahab- go- Patton, I hope you know you are the cutest

Yall know Im a Patton kinnie, but I agree with Roman (maybe thats the therapy talking)

Hey this is really wholesome actually! We love Patton and Thomas trying to give Roman an open and supportive enviroment to express his opinions on the matter

Oh hey! The music is 8-bit Deceit’s theme!

You can get the reward while still caring, gosh this one’s so good because I agree with each character’s points ahhhh!

I agree with Thomas, they’re different scenarios. 

Thomas: Am I not allowed to feel good for doing something good? Logan’s little box: 0.0 Oop-

Yeah, I thought this ep was going to about empathy 

OH I HATE THIS SCENARIO I HATE THE TROLLEY THING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I cant read Logan’s little facts while also listening hElp-

The T word gfhjlkjlghg

Oh no! Logan’s box goes crazy I cant read all that!

RIP Logan’s box, you will be missed but only a little bit.

Also, I love how calm this argument is, I was really worried for this ep because I didnt want Roman and Patton to be mad at one another but they’re both handling it so well, hense Roman helping Patton with the little box

klghkljlkg he has become the mustache 

Oh no! Logan! Patton, NO!

Yeah, the pity thing was kind of confusing

ROMAN BBY NOOO

Roman: I have been doing a bad job Thomas & Patton: STFU TOP TEN REASONS WHY YOU ARE WRONG NUMBER ONE I LOVE YOU

Thomas is not okay, Thomas is too relatable. 

SELF CARE TIME SELF CARE TIME

OOOOOOO PATTON I FEEL YOU THERE BUD ACK

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA PATTON IS A FROG AND I CANT UNDERSTAND WHAT HES SAYING AHHHHHHHHH

LILYPADTON FDHKJHFKJHKJHLHLK

PATTON PUT LESLIE DOWN

HEY STARDEW VALLEY MY TWO HYPERFIXATIONS MERGED INTO ONE

TTHAnk you Logan! 

WAIT HAS HE BEEN DECEIT THE WHOLE TIME OH MY GOD (YESSSSSSSS LOVING THIS)

OOOOO Deceit has a little cane, I KNEW there was a reason I always felt the need to draw him with one

AHHHHHHH WHEN HE SHOT AT DECEIT HE JUST HIT THOMAS NONONONO 

Oh? Patton agreeing with Deceit? This is very good.

Oh hey, these are the characters from one of the vines he made 

“oh, Logan I-” “PETER SINGER IS AN AUSTRAILIAN-” 

Wow, today’s episode really keeps saying Loceit and Royality rights, huh?

(valley girl voice) Whatever, sure, if thats your thing

Deceit really do be out here being my therapist now I suppose? 

Roman, love, its okay to make mistakes 

Deceit redemption arc is in full swing ba-

:OOOOOOOOOOO

I HAD A HUNCH THAT WE MIGHT GET HIS NAME 

HIS NAME IS JANUS GUYS HIS NAME IS JANUS AHHHHHHHHh

ROMAN STOP BULLYING JANUS CHALLENGE 

JANUS STOP BULLYING ROMAN CHALLENGE 

Oh my god, Roman looks so hurt, oh my god 

Remus watching Deceit refer to him as the evil twin: Remus watching Roman be offended at being compared to him:

ROMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

PATTON THANK YOU

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ROCEIT IS DEAD AND I AM CRYING BY ITS BODY 

Janus be like: Im sorry, the sass jumped out 

“Im so sorry LESLIE” fjgkllljlkjhklgjlkvbjklgjklvjklvjklhglkvblkgjlkv 

Janus: Be Gay, Do Crime Patton: Right Now, Not the Time

JANUS ACCEPTANCE ARC YAYYYYYYYY

PATTON I LOVE YOU 

Janus: Patton is asleep, post murder plots 

LOVE YOU JANUS BBBBBBYYYYYYEEEEEEE

This episode hit home very hard, thank you for the free therapy session Mr. Sanders. 

Lee and Mary Lee, I love you already you huge dorks 

WOW MOCIET GOT RIGHTS THIS EPISODE HOLY COW 

[thiefnessman]

Crow’s List of Some IF I’ve played

I’m just listing off stuff here I’ll probably go more in depth in another post I suppose. this got real long so here we go, in no real logical order:

Birdland: technically the first IF work I played I guess, it’s funny and weird and I’ve played it many times. Stuff in Twine is often good to start out with imo because it’s more like CYOA which is more comfortable.

The Dreamhold: i have no memory of how i even got here in the first place but this was often listed as a good one for beginners bc it guides you through it. It’s got such beautiful descriptions and is very cool, though personally I’d recommend Bronze more for beginners to the text-inputting kind of games. I liked it a lot though, I named my ACNH island after it lol. One thing ppl say a lot about it is that it has all this stuff in it but leaves it unexplained, and while I’d like an explanation I also enjoy that it leaves it open-ended. I’ve only gotten one ending myself bc it took me so long to finish that i didn’t feel like going back and trying to get a new ending but it was a cool ending.

Bronze: someone whose url I forget atm told me this was a good game for beginners and I agree. There are also nice maps available and stuff which is helpful bc I’m bad w spatial awareness (i tried to map dreamhold on my own and it was a disaster). It’s got a good premise and I like Beauty & the beast (idk when i was a kid i loved belle bc she also liked to read!!! and i was in a production of the musical and that was fun) and it’s a cool twist on that and i like the different ending it gives. AFTER you play it you really should read Emily Short’s writeup about the inspiration behind the game and how she plotted it. It’s a good beginner game bc it has a tutorial mode, the puzzles aren’t too difficult (they mainly center around one thing) and it teaches you about things like reexamining rooms, examining things, using the different sense commands, solving puzzles by climbing on things and other stuff.

Shade: This is by the same guy who made The Dreamhold and is highly regarded and considered this really great work for its unnerving and surreal horror. I’m gonna be honest: it didn’t do it for me. Admittedly this was like the second (well, third) IF i played and i didn’t quite know the Tropes and stuff so essentially i felt like i was spamming commands until everything turned into sand, instead of trying to do things only to have the world crumble into sand around me. I don’t feel like replaying it now that I have more experience, but my advice is don’t play it until you’ve played more games, it’s not enjoyable as a newbie.

9:05: another short game that would not be enjoyable as a newbie. the joke is a twist on certain IF tropes and it’s probably not as funny if you’re inexperienced. I recently played this so I enjoyed it, it was funny, but the joke might’ve gotten lost on me if i played it a month ago. Sidenote: I’ve only been playing IF for about a month, so technically I am a newbie, but when I say newbie here i mean really new. Also ive hyperfixated and have nothing better to do so i have played a lot of IF in this short amount of time. 

De Baron: OOOH ok so this game i downloaded a little bit ago, completely forgot all the stuff i read about it (like that there was a twist and stuff) except that it was horror, and then played it. Because of this, and the fact that I’m still no veteran player, I didn’t see the twist coming and it really hit me hard. This is a cool game, upsetting but very intriguing but really not for everyone because it deals with some very disturbing material. I’ve seen people say the twist was obvious which kind of makes me feel stupid :( and like in hindsight when i replayed it i totally saw the hints so basically i think the obviousness of the twist depends on the person! 

Spider and Web: This is not the game for you if you really like the five zillion endings options, theres two (or three?) ‘real endings’ and they are both at the very end of the same path. It does have difficult and interesting puzzles, including this one that it’s famous for. It’s a good puzzle, but don’t let your opinion and enjoyment of the game hinge on this puzzle, bc it’s got other great puzzles and other great stuff going on. Save frequently and DO NOT attempt this without some experience, it’s fucking hard.

Blue Chairs: I didn’t like this game. It was one of the earlier games i played but I just didn’t really like it. it was cool in a mindscrew-y way and it’s got a bunch of endings and a lot to explore but i just didn’t find it fun to play. It took me forever to get several endings and this was probably partially due to inexperience but it just made it unenjoyable for me. Don’t let my experience ruin it for you but personally i just did not like it. It’s a very surreal game bc the PC is literally on drugs. There seems to be a bunch of symbolism and allusion stuff that I didn’t really get but could be cool. basically it is probably a very cool game for some ppl but i didn’t like it.

Galatea: lives up to the hype imo. there’s 70 different endings. It’s not a long game and it is centered around talking to a statue but it is a very interesting game and also one that isn’t that hard. I really like this one.

Glass: by the same person who wrote Bronze, it’s another twist on a fairy tale. It’s very short and you can’t do anything but talk. Another good beginner one because it’s not too complex, and it does a good job with using the reader’s familiarity with the tale. Read her writeup about creating it after you get a few endings it’s interesting. 

Little Blue Men: I just played this one and it’s weird and sinister and has a great built-in hint system. it’s really fucking weird though and like the author says, it doesn’t have a nice neat satisfying ending. 

ok im running out of steam i’ll come back to this later

[galaxylohnce]

VUD paladin headcanons!!!!

BTW this is based off of @voltronuniversaldefender ‘s reboot!!! CHECK THEM OUT THEYRE DOING GOD’S WORK

also i have read approx 2 headcanons and baRELY understand this AU so if there are similarities to anyone else or inconsistencies iT IS AN ACCIDENT AND IM SORRY

anyway this is just about the 4 confirmed paladins BET ill be doing more about Fa’rah/Takashi/Zahi/Ashanti once i know a bit more about their roles in the team!!

Alvaro Garcia Valladares

he has a twin. i don't make the rules, but he has a twin.

he has a big family. the biggest family. we’re talking, his mom has 8 siblings and his dad has 9 and there’s a 10 year age gap between him and his oldest sibling and he loves them all so much

natia is his best friend. i repeat, NATIA IS HIS BEST FRIEND!!!!

he’s also quite close with kiki. Natia and Kiki are the only two that he met before their great space adventure

he wasn't really sure of his sexuality at first. (i say this because i wasn't sure of my sexuality at first - im bi btw - and all the media i saw told me that any lgbt+ character was 100% sure of their sexuality form the day they were born, which made me doubt myself bc i didn't figure it out till recently, so i wanna see that in some media!! sometime!!) he probably figured it out halfway through having a crush on someone

the someone is akio, and he definitely tells Natia about it first

“natia... natia listen.... I have a crush on akio. freakin akio.... what do i do??? I’m bi, natia... I'm bi. what does this mean -”

“alvaro, I'm so proud of you, but this is a public bathroom and akio is right outside -”

GUARANTEE that the first time he saw Akio he just basically wanted to fight him but also flirt with him and had a slight moral crisis and ended up doing nothing

he is a goddamn sharpshooter, okay. he straight up becomes famous for it throughout the galaxy.

yet despite that he’s still insecure, and those insecurities prevent him from really getting together w akio until much later

he comes off as very suave and extroverted when you first meet him, but underneath it all, he’s actually really warm, personable and funny: not that anyone outside the team know that 

aliens on social media, probably: god, the blue paladin is so cool... i bet he’s amazing and awesome and eloquent...

meanwhile, alvaro: do u guys think i could fit my whole hand in my mouth or nah?

enjoys memes, and shares this love with kiki

basically an all around great guy. because he often felt like a seventh wheel at the beginning of the formation of the team, he always tries to include everybody as best as possible, going way out of his way to ask after people, even if they forget to ask about him sometimes :’)

Natia Nanai

first off: what a gorgeous name. seriously. incredible kudos, my dude. anyway on to the head canons for this gorgeous girl

probably alvaro’s soulmate. already mentioned this, but it needs reiteration. they are best friends

had a large family too (not as big as alvaros tho) and probably major relate to him with that big family dealio

v close with kiki. they complete each other on a technological level. 

natia is very, very creative. she and her sweet engineering know how are always instrumental in getting the Team out of tough situations

Akio: theres no way out of this we’re going to die -

Natia: bet?

she does say “bet” a lot. like, almost too much? but she's always right and valid when she says it

the villain: i’ve got you now!!!!

natia, under her breath: bet

the paladins, thinking: thank god, we’re saved

very soft but also badass as hell. she has a unique duality.

pulls a violet baudelaire: she puts that GORGEOUS hair up in a ponytail when doing work or whenever she has an idea

everyone on the team, regardless of sexuality, is low-key in love with her because she’s just so nice. no one can hate her. she's way too solid of a friend

speakinG of being a great friend: natia is 100% the secret keeper up in this bitch. everyone comes to her because they know she’s got the best advice around and will take their secrets to the grave

akio: idk man... alvaro is just rlly cute, u know?? but i can't tell him...

natia, thinking of alvaro literally whining to her about akio not even five minutes ago: christ

the mom friend. she always has all the things everyone needs on hand or in her lion, and she’s got it all going in terms of chore charts and family meals. she is the queen of figuring out times for team bonding and everyone loves her more for it

definitely started a board game night asap

she has a silent bravery about her that no one else can match. despite her trepidation, natia will always do what has to be done for the greater good. 

she is guided by her heart and her morals, and is easily the kindest person on the team

bc of this kindness, she is often the diplomat when conflicts arise between people on the team

she is seen by the general public (aka the galaxy) as a strong, morally righteous woman. kind of like rosie the riveter-esque??? she’s the symbol of justice and fairness. 

aliens: she's so... peacekeeping :0

natia, at kiki: throw me that wrench, or so help me god - 

basically, a queen who always considers everyone and works really hard to create a family, even when they're all so far from home :’)

Kiki Evans

generally over it tbh

“always tired, but always inspired” - kiki, on being asked why there were dark circles under her eyes

kind of standoffish. she’s not really about being nice, she's about getting the job done, and that can rub people the wrong way, since she is always the first to offer up the cold, logical solution

but underneath that, she’s just a computer science nerd who is loyal to a fault

she really is loyal. its almost dangerous sometimes, because she would put the universe in danger to save her friends, which actually comes into conflict with her typical cold, logical approach.

she has 0-1 sibling. she's every bit the single child. she cannot relate to living in a big family setting, and at first its hard for her to deal with before she warms up to everyone else on the team

she's a genius, and thus found school to be tedious. in fact, she got fairly bad grades, as she wouldn't do the work that she saw as pointless and boring

she is a meme connoisseur, and loves to quote vines, often assisted by alvaro

kiki, as they approach a giant black hole: HZZK

alvaro, catching on immediately: is... is that real???

she is a conspiracy theorist, for sure. the government is watching us all, trying to make sure we don't learn too much.... she’s sure of it, and akio is too

tbh, the first proper conversation she had with akio was about cryptids and how the government had hidden them from the public

she was friends w natia and alvaro from before, but it is akio she becomes closest with the fastest. in some ways, she feels more distant from natia/alvaro bc of how close they are with each other and  bc all of them have known each other for so long while akio is someone she got to know recently: he has no preconceptions about who she used to be, and she has none about him

plus, she and akio relate on many levels: both trans, both gay, both autistic, both theorists, and both loyal to a fault. she finds a real blood brother in akio :D

very openly gay. very. she's a space lesbian, and theres no denying it

kiki, meeting some random space girl: oh

kiki, moments later to akio: god I'm gay

akio, downing a glass of water but acting like its vodka or smthg: god, same

the public sees her as the cold and calculating techie, the brains of the operation

natia is her partner in crime. they finish each others sentences. they've got a tech connection going, babey

kiki: if we just cross-reference the zaiforge tunnel with the -

natia, nodding: particle consummator, of course we’ll get the perfect -

them, together: amount of energy!!!

everyone else: sorry wot

basically, she's a tech goddess with a splash of genius. she's uneasy and a bit awkward, but thats just bc she’s never been in a situation like this before. after literally 1 second with her, she opens up and is such a loyal friend. :’)

Akio Himura

wow this boy is gay and he knows it

he loves his parents (zahi, takashi, and ashanti) but god he will never admit it. not ever

alvaro, after listing his parents, 20 aunts and 100 cousins: and i love them all so much, with all my heart. what about ur family akio?

akio, not wanting to show weakness: they're nerds.

alvaro: um okay cool good talk haha :)

akio, internally: but i love them nd would die for them tbh... but i can't show weakness

he's so guarded after his biological parents left/died/disappeared. poor boy

definitely a single child, and definitely adopted

his parents love him SO MUCH. so much.

akio: why do i have three parents, dad?

takashi, almost crying: its simple. u deserve so much love, that it couldn't be contained in just two people. we needed three. its how its gotta be, my beautiful, sweet summer child

a yeehaw kind of guy. he grew up in the midwest riding horses before his biological parents died and theres a piece of him that will always be a southern boy

the kind of kid in school that pretends he’s a delinquent, but actually just has the aesthetic of a delinquent, and is truly soft

akio: hell yeah I'm a rebel. i logged onto disney.com without my parents permission

kiki, choked up: so brave

mothman is his love. his passion. all cryptids, for that matter. kiki is more of an all around conspiracy theorist: akio is in it for the cryptids 

he’s a bit awkward, and doesn’t totally understand all social cues/jokes. because of this, he stays away from memes, and is very guarded when meeting new people, especially after experiences with light bullying for not only his social ineptitude, but his upbringing.

considering that, his first meeting with alvaro was supremely awkward, and akio accidentally fought with him multiple times before they established a solid friendship

akio, having a gay panic: you are the light of my life

alvaro: sorry what??

akio, panicking more: I said, you wanna fiGHT WITH A KNIFE???

he pined after alvaro from basically day one, but had the foresight to actually know that he was pining, unlike alvaro who just floundered

of course he would never say anything

he is a stabby boi. he is unrivaled in swordplay, and enjoys routine. his natural affinity for picking up new skills plus his unrivaled work ethic basically DESTROYED everyone else when it came to swords

he’s loyal af and is always the first one to take action. akio is a “do something. do anything, but do it fast before we lose a chance to do something” kind of guy

the general public sees him as the fiery one: he’s the one with the fanciest footwork in a fight, and he’s very good with battle tactics. he can come thru with that strategy at the perfect times

he's a low-key emo. for sure. he loves MCR, but strangely dislikes other similar artists like p!atd and fob. 

kiki: but...brendon urie, akio....

akio, sipping tea: as a gay, i can appreciate the aesthetic. but no one can compete with MCR

kiki, exasperated: its not a competition -

basically, a slightly guarded boy with a real talent for defending the universe and his friends, but also an emo cowboy mess who is in love with alvaro and loves everyone :’)

WELL THAT ENDED UP LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. I HOPE U ENJOY AAAA

ALSO FOLLOW @voltronuniversaldefender !!!! its amazing, guys, really check it out :D

[paradoxidolatry]

Brotherly Love

@birdhole , @beatconductor a lil bit

TG: hey TG: sup

TT: Hey. TT: Not much.  Lunch break at work. TT: Sup?

TG: oh thats sweet TG: sucks theres no free pizza in it when you work as a cop huh TG: i guess its overall kind of a step up from the pizza gig tho

TT: Right? Free donuts though. TT: But nah, yeah, not so bad. TT: Didn't get a chance to tell you about it but I figure Dave or whoever's already spilled those beans. TT: Kinda weird, right?

TG: yeah dave told me TG: donuts just like a real cop huh TG: still cant quite wrap my head around this cop thing tbh TG: i can see you working as a LOT of things but a cop? thats wild

TT: Yeah. TT: I mean, I figured.  Got all that military experience, right? TT: But I didn't want to go back to the military. TT: Plus, working as a cop is an equal mix of 'keeps me active' and 'allows me to work around certain roadblocks in regards to the acquisitions business', so it was a good compromise. TT: Better than fast food and skin flicks again, at any rate.

TG: i mean i guess that makes logical sense n all TG: still fucking wild as shit to me TG: guess you can still wear a uniform even its obviously not as sweet as the fast food ones

TT: Yeah, I really miss that old greasy apron. TT: But what can you do?

TG: the grease just made your eyes pop in that special way ykno TG: chicks love it

TT: They fuckin do, don't they? TT: But somethin tells me you didn't message me to talk about the chicks missing my pizza funk.

TG: you sure about that? its a pretty great topic you could write a book on it become rich quick with your pick up tips

TT: Hey, I'm already on chapter 7: the Sausage Party. TT: But really though. TT: What's up, boss?

TG: nothing TG: i was just TG: thinking about you is all

> Heart, squeeze. TT: That right? TT: Cool, cool. TT: Was thinking about you earlier too, actually.

TG: oh? any reason or

[Dave txt @ bro] im watching u [Dave txt @ bro] > that chicken image

TT: Just, y'know. TT: Was outside on a smoke break and I saw a couple of pigeons hanging out, eating some sandwich or some shit on the sidewalk and like. TT: Got me thinking about you, and like. TT: I spent the past 13 years thing you're dead or some shit, and now you're alive and it's. TT: Just fuckin buck wild. TT: Pardon me for sound fucking sappy but it's kind of like a dream come true.

[TT > Dave: I'm behaving, dad.]

TG: ...am i a pigeon now? tho i do admit i would eat that floor sandwich(edited) TG: yeah its...its fucking wild huh? TG: kinda thought id never see you again even after TG:  i got away and shit TG: idk why not like you up and died but? after looking for you and you werent there i dunno i guess TG: i thought you just TG: werent going to come back TG: ...you didnt even see my wings yet you dont get to relate me to birds just yet dude

TT: I mean, I saw them in a picture. TT: One of you and Dave and a bunch of trolls and some old dude in front of a candy cane dildo? TT: But also you post about birds and shit all the time, so I figured that was sort of your Thing now. TT: And ... well.  I dunno. TT: Almost didn't. TT: I was just gonna stay on Earth, maybe pop in to visit every so often. TT: But then all that shit happened and Dave wasn't answering my messages, so I thought he was dead too, and...well. TT: I guess I'm, uh... grateful to the apocalypse for.  I guess bringing you back to me? TT: Well, no. TT: But like, at least letting me know you're alive.

TG: oh...yeah thats TG: thats my sisters actually and uh..shit what even is grig? grandpa i guess TG: already know mr d after all TG: i mean... im not sure how i feel yet TG: i guess im sorta glad because TG: i mean it has been my embarrassing dream to play family with you again for a while TG: i want to be a family again TG: a lot TG: its just TG: hard

TT: Sisters, huh?  Well damn, you got the whole family package with these folks, huh? TT: Nice.  How long you been with them? TT: Yeah, I figured. TT: I didn't, and don't, make it easy. I know. TT: A lot easier when you were a baby, even if our folks were shit, just cuz, y'know. TT: Everything hadn'tt happened yet. TT: Hadn't started to completely fuckin lose my mind and treat you like dogshit. TT: But I mean.  I dunno. TT: I'm not gonna force you or nothin. TT: But if you ever wanted to come backto the apartment and chill for a day, see how you feel about it? TT: That'd be uh. TT: That'd be really nice.

TG: 3 years TG: as long as ive been TG: away from scratch... TG: i..yeah i guess maybe TG: can you even handle seeing me get gay with dave tho

TT: God.  You were with Scratch that whole fuckin time? TT: Fuckin sonnuvabitch refused to tell me what he did with you. TT: Anyway. TT: Handling y'all and your homogay is a small price to pay at the end of the day. TT: Even if it's still. TT: Kinda really weird from my perspective. TT: But I respect y'all and he takes good care of you, so I can't complain too much, right?

TG: ...yeah like ten years TG: kinda fucked up huh TG: ill..ill think about it TG: okay so im gonna be real with you here for a sec okay TG: i TG: messaged you because i was talking to dave and i realized i missed you and TG: that i TG: kindawantahugiguess

TT: ...Yeah? TT: I can do a hug, yeah. TT: Where are you?  I can meet you, if you wanna.

TG: ...workin TG: at [coords] TG: dont arrest me mr officer these drugs are prescription

TT: I'll leave the cuffs in the car. TT: What happens off-duty stays off-duty, though, so. TT: See you in five.

TG: kay > Try not to freak out. Freak out anyways.

> Pull up by the curb a short walk away and park. > Look, you even pay for the parking meter and everything. > Step out of the car in your full uniform and approach Sock, one hand in  your pocket, the other raised in a wave hello.

> Oh god, he really fucking is a god damn cop. That's so damn weird. God. > Not as weird as randomly meeting up with him for a hug though. Damn it that was the dumbest idea. > You wave back, trying hard to look cool and not like you are dying on the inside and failing miserably.

> You stride up alongside him and... ...well, now what, actually. > Neither of you are very good at this kind of planning, are you. > Damnit, Striders. "Hey." > Now just to... > ... > Open your arms up? > Yeah.  That's how hugs happen.

> Oh god, he's going right for it.Oh god. Not even small talk or anything really bro? > Maybe that's better anyways because god know you don't know what to say. "Hey." > You take a deep breath and you...Go for the fucking hug. Squeeze that big bro tight.

> Aww shit here it comes and here he is.  All up and hugging you. > Actually, that's uh. > That's real nice. > You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a good, tight hug. > It's probably not the most comfortable thing, what with your radio strapped onto your chest and name plates aand shit, but. > At least for you?  This is a fucking good hug. > (Don't you dare tear up in public.)

> You don't really care about the cofort level of this, it's something you've been craving for 13 years now, a little radio isn't going to stop you from enjoying it. > It's nice. It's familiar, like all the good parts of Bro you've been missing wrapped up for you in one big huggable form. Easy to forget all the shit for a moment. > But the moment does end and when you pull away you have to wipe at you eyes like an idiot. "Uh...Th-thanks."

> Aww, shit goddamn.  He's teaaring up too under those glasses. > You swipe one knuckle under your shades, and you take a steaadying breath. "Hey, yeah, no problem." > Breathe easy, Strider.  You glance up for a moment as you see a fatass snowflake come drifting down, then you look to Sock again. "Hey, you wanna maybe grab some lunch with me?  Haven't eaten yet and it's still my break, so."

> Well at least you are both sappy motherfuckers now. > Oh. You didn't expect that. You think about what Dave told you earlier "Stay in control" and promptly decide to fuck that advice because shit. You are already here. You already went for it like an idiot. "Yeah sure. Gonna have Donuts like a proper cop?" > You make such a face at the snow. Ugh, you didn't really prepare for that kinda weather, fuck.

> You snort a laugh and give your flat stomach a pat. "Gotta work on that signature cop gut, don't I? C'mon." > You gesture behind you with a jerk of your thumb. "Hop in up front.  You can pick the place."

"Hell yeah you do. You look like a fake ass striper cop dude." > You get into the car and immediately get the seatbelt. Doesn't feel safe otherwise. You don't really like cars still but you can't pin point why. It's just a weird personality quirk yeah? But you are used to being in one at this point of your life. > Just drive carefully. Please.

> You hop in and buckle up too, both pleased and a litttle saddened that you didn't even need to remind Sock to put on his seatbelt. > Poor kid. > Luckily, you are an impeccably safe driver, and the drive to Wherever is smooth and uneventful.

> Old habits die hard. > You feel kind of awkward in the car with him, it's too silent for our tastes. > You get out of the car at whatever this amazing food place he's taking you is. Fingers crossed for fast food- "Y'know kinda funny. Always figured my first frive in a cop car would be because I'm getting arrested."

> You snort a laugh.  It's Sock's old favorite pizza place. > God you hope he still likes this shit. > Also this wasn't a Pizza Pimp before, was it?  It was Gino's-- > Wait. > Ugh, well, maybe Dave's not at work. "If you're planning on getting arrested, you're doing this pushing thing wrong, kid."(edited)

> Oh the Pizza Pimp. Fucking score. Maybe Dave is there, that would be rad. "I didn't say I was, I said I didn't think I'd ride a cop car otherwise. Your hearing getting bad?" > You immediately freeze after saying that. Oh man, actually sassing Bro though? Please don't hit me.

> Dave is unfortunately not there, but he sure would love to.

> You catch that freeze, and you... > You snort a little, before pointing to your ears. "Too many concerts and phat-ass beats.  Knew I shouldn't have gotten all up and personal with those speakers.  Who knew the grown-ups were right about that?" > You smile, and it's a little awkward cuz you sure as hell have never been the smiling type, before you hold open the door for him. "C'mon, before we freeze our asses off."

> Oh. Okay. It's cool. It's chill. In a quite literal sense even so you get your silly ass inside. > A smile though? You haven't seen your brother smile in...far longer than you haven't seen him for sure. > That little scare knocked the speech right out of you though so you just awkwardly sit down at the next best table, suddenly really not sure how good of an idea this was.

> You take a seat opposite him, and when the server approaches, you order yourself a water instead of a soda. > Who are you, even. > You glance over the menu, humming softly.  Some of these item names... fitting for a place called Pizza Pimp. "You wanna split one, or do individuals, or?"

> Who is he indeed. You order a black coffee instead of apple juice though, so maybe the traditional Strider beverages are just staying outside today. "Uhhh..Not super hungry honestly I don't mind sharing one." > You haven't been able to eat a whole pizza at once in a while but you don't say that.

"Alright.  We'll split a medium and you can take the rest home if you want." > You let him pick the toppings too.  This really is a strange Strider day.

> The strangest. Do they have nuggets as topping because you want that.

> They might have like, baked chicken, which is kinda like nuggets and also? Is Carro-approved.

> Do you think the pizza pimp doesn't have a nugget topping what kinda fool do you take Dave for.

> A big one. >:3

> LISTEN Nuggets have been added like at least two months ago. Cock Special.

> Goddamnit, Dave.

> Sock loves Dave and the Cock Special Pizza. Prepare ya taste buds Bro.(edited)

"One Cock Special with extra cock please" > Yes, this is exactly how you order.

> Oh your face. > You're so fucking proud.  Dave sure is your little brother, and so too is Sock. > Bless these fucking kids.

"Hope you like it, it's my fav." > Both the pizza and you know.

> Yeah.  Yeah, you know. "Sure I will." > Snort a laugh. "This sure isn't Gino's anymore, huh.  You remember that place?"

"Oh yeah. Man..That's been a while. Clover gifted the place to Dave what? 2 years ago?" > Back when you were on a no homo basis. Memories.

> [Clover: nya face]

"Used to be your favorite, but maybe that's because it was free when I worked here. ...Clover?"

"I'm always a slut for free food but I still digged their shit later. Oh uh..Yeah. Little green guy? 4 of the Felt?" > Should..You now have mentioned that?

> [Dave] Oh no.

> There's this shift in your face.  It's not a frown, but a certain tightening of your lips as you're hit with the full brunt of what Sock just said. "...Dave's...doing business with the Felt?"

> WHOOPSIES >Oh. Oh, oh, oh shit. You fucked up. You didn't really think about that when you said it. At all. Shit. Fuck. Damn. "Hahaha whaaaat? Noooo. Of course not! He'd never uh...Clover is just y'know his uh... Sugar daddy yeah. Cash money man, can't say no to that even from a greenie right?" > Well it's not entirely a lie. You are sweating though.

> You paw at your face and you sit back in your seat, eyebrows knit together tightly. > Looks like you're going to have to have a little talk with Dave when you get home. "...No, guess not.  Desperate times and all that, right?"

"Yeah exactly! Haha..." > God this is uncomfortable. You are going to warn Dave but you already feel like shit. Fuck. "Don't...Don't hurt him okay?" > There's fear in your eyes now. Not for you but for your boyfriend, which is so much worse in your eyes.

> That snaps you Right out of your bad thought spiral and you quickly wave your hand. "Hey, no, no.  Not gonna hurt him.  It's chill." > There's that smile again, even if it's uneasy and a bit green around the gills.  Your brother and the Felt... "Really.  Just surprised he hadn't mentioned it before now."

> [Dave] GUESS WHY.

" 'kay..." > He probably hadn't mentioned it for a reason. You couldn't have known Dave wasn't supposed to do business with the Felt but you still feel like shit. It makes sense in hindsight and considering your history of course but...You just plain didn't know. > The Pizza arrives but you suddenly don't feel very hungry at all, sipping on you coffee awkwardly instead.

> You're, similarly, not hungry, but you've got to salvage this.  Not telling when or if Sock will agree to see you again after this. "Sorry, I just... Y'know, getting offered a gift by those guys.  If they had snatched Dave too..." > You shake your head, and sigh it off.  Out with the bad. "But they didn't, and that's that.  So." > You take up a slice of the pizza and you point is casually at Sock, an eyebrow quirked. "What're you out there peddling?"

> Oh. You'd really rather not follow that line of thought, yeah.  Smooth topic change. "Dude, don't think I should be discussing that with a cop in a pizzeria. Mr D would murder me man."

"Hey." > You make a show of taking off your badge and laying it upside down on the table. "Off-duty, not a cop.  So is it the good shit, or is it like, oregano in a dimebag being passed off as weed."

"We're still in public man." > And you don't want to piss off your Dad on top of the shit you just pulled.

"Yeah, yeah.  Weren't you in public anyway?" > You chuckle a little and you point toward the kitchen area. "Your big bro used to sell shitty dimebags out of there, way back.  Dealt to all the line cooks."

" Course you did." > You roll your eyes behind your shades. "What you want an inventory list? Okay I'll just tell you my favorite product aight? Kinder Überraschungseier......The surprise is Cocaine." > Huh, sure did slip into your mother tongue there. Welp..

> Okay.  You actually laugh then. "You're selling Kinder Überraschungseier full of Cocaine.  Shut the fuck up, seriously?" > You're nodding approvingly now. "That's a fucking great idea.  Where the fuck'd you get the chocolates, though? Make them yourself?"

> That makes you feel..really proud? Huh. You can't stop the big dorky grin from spreading on your face. "Best idea I ever had, honestly. I'm importing them from earth, duh. Along with a bunch of other banned sweets and shit. Who the fuck thought peeps are illegal anyways?"

> You balk at that and you laugh again. "Peeps are illegal here-- wait, shit, right." > Smack your forehead. "That's my job to know that now.  Wow, fuckin fire me now."

"Maybe I should show you my stock, just as a reminder. A fucking lot of dumb shit is. Fucking Lattes were banned man. Until the King unbanned them just for Jude which is honestly so fucking stupid. Way to play favorite, just like royalty should am I right? Not that I'm complaining, love me a big fat Latte." > Man it's...Nice to be able to make that kind of shit tier level german dick joke and to know you're gonna be understood just fine.

> You snort your water and you pull a face,but you're clearly goofing around a loving it. "Fucking nasty, dude.  I don't need to hear about your love of big hot fuckin Lattes."

"Aren't you glad the prospitian monarchy digs a steaming hot Latte too? What a life that would be otherwise." > You snort yourself.

"Jesus christ.  Fuckin whities, dude." > You stuff some pizza in your mouth and you talk withyour mouth full like the fat nasty trash you are. "Can you believe I have to work with them?  Like what the fuck."

"The Queen gives me the creeps with her I love everyone bull. And the King seems like a huge fucking idiot so...Congrats man. Jackpot."

"Not had the chance to meet either, but this is the closest I've gotten to infiltrating the corrupt government yet.  Maybe if I keep my shit up, I can finally overthrow them from the inside." > You are entirely dead seriouus.

"What's the masterplan? Shoot them in public?" > You aren't but you also don't mind the topic. Not a fan of these guys.

"Nah, nah, nothing like that.  Too messy.  Besides." > You gesture at the scar that runs oveer your eyes. "Never been a fan of guns."

"I know." > Hell maybe you should be grateful he ain't. Swords fucked you over bad enough. "Seems like a popular approach is all. Like historically or whatever. But I guess you gotta go for something less stale huh?"

"Of course.  Flashy's the only way to be when you're taking out a corrupt system of government."

"Looking forwards to the show Bro." > Except you hope he's fucking joking.

> You totally fucking aren't. > You toss him a wink, which of course he can't see all that well behind your shades. "Hope it's a good one.  You gonna eat any pizza, lil bro?"

"Oh, right." > You finally grab a piece too. "How's the Cock Special?"

> Stuff the rest of your piece into your mouth and brush the crumbs off of your fingers. "It's not big hot Latte, but it's nice and tasty all up in my mouth, so it'll do."

"I mean we can grab a Latte next time-" > Did you just say next time. Did you just imply you want to meet up like this again? Shit. > Stuff your mouth with Pizza real quick.

> Oh. > Oh... That makes yourr heart do the smiley emote. > You grin a liittle bit about that and you say, voice kinda soft, "Yeah... alright.  I'd like that."

"Me too...I think." > If you don't hurt my boyfriend tonight that is, is what you think.

> Don't you worry, Sock.  Not gonna hurt your boyfriend tonight. > You're not gonna be home, so Dave gets to go unhurt for another night.

> Or any other night Bro.(edited) > Or day, or ever:

> Well, at least you'll try to keep your cool when you talk to Dave about it later.

> That's a good start.

> Fuck yeah.  Before you all finish up here, you nod back to the streets now lightly coat with snow. "You going back to your corner, right?  You need a jacket?"

"I mean, I'll live..." > But it's pretty obvious that you don't have any especially warm clothes on you, you know like an idiot.

"Yeah, and you'll get sick, doofus." > You shrug off your jacket--it's a plain black windbreaker, while you wait for your city issue polcie jacket to come in--and you ball it up, handing it over to him. "Here."

> You open your mouth to respond but the Jacket is already in your hands. Oh. That's..Oh. > Is that what it's like to have a caring older brother? "Thanks..." > The Jacket is far too big for you and smells like Bro. It's a weird feeling to put it on. Like a hug you can wear. > Your heart is doing several emotions.

"Hey, no sweat. No good to go out there to work if you're just gonna freeze to death, yeah?" > You have the server bring you all a box for the leftovers, and you give those to him, too. > You stand from the stand and stretch. "Alright, my lunch is about over.  You ready to go?

"Uh, yeah." > You are still trying to sort your feelings over all of this. It's weird. It's nice. > It's what you wanted all along. > Except for the part where you are scared about Dave. > You get up too feeling like a huge fool.

> You, very very carefully, put your hand on his back and lead him out back into the cold. > Look to him, then to your car. "Back to tthe same corner? Or you got anywhere else you need to be?"

> You tense up just a little at the touch but let it happen anyways. "Y-yeah same place." > You just get into the car quickly to cut off the awkward moment. Not without putting on your seatbelt of course.

> Always seatbelt first, kid! > You buckle in and drive him back to the street corner you found him on, putting the car into park but not getting out. "Alright.  Don't get into any trouble, alright?  Oh, and patrol comes past here in about 30 minutes, so be cool when they pass, yeah?"

"Oh uh..Okay. See you, I guess." > You wave an awkward goodbye, overwhelmed by a lot of conflicting emotions.

> You're about to drive off, but then you open the door and, hanging halfway out, you call to him, "Hey! Love you, Sock."

> That just leaves you starring for a moment. Did he just-? Does he? What. Can not compute. "L-Love you too Bro..." > You are not sure if he heard that with the way you mumbled that. You are not sure if you want him to or not. > It's only getting weirder. > But it also warms your birdy little heart.

> You heard it--you've actually got pretty good hearing still, despite all tthatt music and shit. > You smile and wave again before ducking back into your car and driving off.

> The patrol driving by half an hour later doesn't find a drug dealer, just a crying kid in some back alley. > This absolutely kills the bird.

[kxlance]

Funny how jds said theres a thrill in liking an antagonistic r/s like keith and lance's, refering to their rivalry and yet didnt see it coming how they got so popular. Dude you just said people like to ship two rivals in any show and yet you say you never thought klance would gain so much attention when their whole r/s revolves around the whole enemies to friends troupe, they really think fans are stupid? They tried to negate the ship so hard I dont even know whether to laugh or cry.

*makes lets leave this in the past sound*

dksfnl ok but no i wanna give a proper answer to this even though it’s been a week and i blocked that out of my mind because you know what i’m here to enjoy this so here’s me rambling

when i read that interview, quite frankly i did get mad i’m not gonna lie. mostly because of the “forbidden fruit” comment from jds (but he apologized for it apparently so i’m not gonna bring that up) and because i was…..pretty confused as to why they would think klance is a surprise. i mean, out of the other pairings in the show, they’re objectively the ones who have had the most development, like as a duo you get what i mean? so it really shouldn’t be a surprise to me, that people like it. sure probably everyone has multiple reasons as to why they like it, but for me at least, it was legit the type of dynamic they had that caught me. it’s the kind of “we’re a lot different and we clash because of this but now i’m slowly getting fond of you” kind of thing. like,,,,, i LIVE for that shit alright.and i find hard to believe that when they were animating certain scenes *cough the bonding moment cough* they didn’t think that some people would have seen that as romantic. ESPECIALLY BC…..other….”“pairings”“ in the show have sort of paralleled moments they’ve had before like.. this is granted but you know damn well there would be no doubts over the canonicity of this ship if it was m/f. it’s just how it is.here’s the deal also: the only couple 100% endgame is hunk/shay. the last time they properly interacted was in season fucking one. season ONE. and yet hunk often mentions her like in his vlog and in the comics and whatnot. because clearly, no matter the distance he’s fond of her and would definitely like to see her (he did see her in s4 bc he and allura were on balmera but it was just like…a screencap so we’re just left assuming things) and yet…people wanna come at me, in my sacred home, saying klance is dead bc they haven’t seen each other in one season. can u believe it?they said recently that they dont wanna shoehorn romance in for the sake of having it because they want the characters to stand on their own first, which hey, it is a perfectly reasonable consideration. now, voltron has 78 confirmed episodes. you know how many of these episodes are left if you leave out the 7 episodes that would drop in june?? 26. 2 fucking 6 episodes left to close out all the plot points and possibly develop an endgame romance. this is just my theory alright but listen. there’s no freaking way they’re gonna develop a romance so out of the blue in just 26 episodes, especially bc of how focused the show is on plot/action. so like…..they needed to have had build up some sort of foreground (”relationships happen over time” “slow burn” they said it not me) BEFORE in order to possibly have an endgame in the end. and i wonder……i wonder……who is this mysterious couple who had that foreground development before the serious plot started kicking in? yep you guessed it. IT STARTS WITH K AND ENDS WITH LANCE. (FUCK YOUR LAITH AGENDA LM)

like this is just…i’m going logically here alright. if the romance is out of the blue, then it would legit contradict everything they said about “not wanting to have romance just for the sake of havin it uwu”. but you know, i’m not sure about klance 100% bc i never was, so, if klance isnt canon, i just wanna know what their so brilliant and well thought out endgame will be. like……. i’m genuinely curious bc even bias aside nothing makes sense quite as klance to me bc of how their arcs interwine very well w/ each other????

lastly, we know lance is gonna fall in love. and that what he’s looking for is different than where he started. y’all know what jeremy said recently. i dont wanna say it in the specific bc we said not to talk about it since the video was illegal and whatnot, but….what he said implies……..you know what it implies. and who else could it be honestly LIKE….. if it is between two side characters what even is the point’??? its gotta be between two main characters. and only those have had solid development together. with this being said, i still believe there will be lgbt rep in the end no matter if there is an endgame or not.(see lauren’s drawing of lance holding the lgbt sign that is not a coincidence giving every chara was holding a sign for a reason and the change of jeremy going from he flirts with everyone to he flirts with ladies frankly is….suspicious) i hate that it’s treated as a spoiler. but it woud be really cowardly of them to vague about it and then not deliver ya know? and also why is it treated as a spoiler if there is no endgame like……..lol

anyways yeah i think this has gotten longer than i wanted it to be but just……i guess my advice is enjoy the ship no matter what happens if it makes you happy that’s what i’m doing honestly and even if they said what they said, 1) they lie all the time so ya know… 2) we have extra information that lead us to believe they’re lying (side eyes jeremy) 3) they are still 5 seasons in, the most developed pairing in the show 4) they’re gonna reunite soon and i feel like then,,,,then we will see for real where they wanna go with this but even if it wasnt meant as a romance i just wanna know the point of many of their (extremely tropey) scenes

so yeah just keep enjoying it cuz like…. theres no way some of their scenes were accidental bc if so it’s the best accidental romance i’ve ever seen dkjnfgndskl