#its been 2 years tho so i GUESS he can have a little happiness

[thought--bubble]

She's Happy Now Part 5/5 (Final Part)

Modern Aemond X (Ex Girlfriend Reader)

Warnings Below

Word Count: 2,122

She is happy now Master List

Modern Aemond Master List

Full Master List

Banners by @arcielee

Warnings: angst

A/N: I apologize for the delay on this. Had midterms then covid, a job promotion I've been fighting for (should find out on Monday, please pray for me), then a family loss back to back, and was kind of struggling for a moment. I'm happy to get this out, tho!

Could I talk to you for a moment?

Your palms are sweaty while you wait for him to respond.

He looks dumbstruck.

"Hello?" Your patience is wearing thin.

"Oh, um yeah, of course." he gets up, composing himself and settling back into that stoic look of his. "We can go to the gardens? For some privacy?" He sounds indifferent, but in his head, he is analyzing every word he says.

"Fine," you say, unable to mask the anger that you feel. The walk to the garden is quiet, not one word spoken between you. The tension is thick, and you can't help but wonder if this is a good idea. Still, you continue on. 'This is long overdue' you think to yourself.

"I can't believe we are both going to be off at college in a few months, I'm gonna miss you so much" you clutch onto Aemond while laying under the rosebushes in the garden of the keep. Your secret place. Where aemond would take you to be alone.

"It will be fine. We will talk every day and I'll come visit you and you will come to visit me and before you know it we will have graduated and we will be getting married" Aemond says while entwining his hand with yours. "This is just a temporary separation. we'll look back on it later and wonder what in the 7 hells we were so worried about. " he rolls onto his side looking at your face. He pushes a strand of hair behind your ear. "Hey look at me" he says gently.

You turn your head and see his eye looking at you intently. "We are going to be fine baby. Happy as we've always been. I promise."

"You really promise?" You had been worrying for weeks about the upcoming distance. The tales of long-distance relationships between 2 college age students weren't exactly full of glowing success stories.

"I promise, I swear to you. We will be fine. We are simply meant to be" he raised your hand to his mouth and kissed your knuckles. "Always have been"

You enter the garden and sit on a bench that overlooks the rosebushes. Your rosebushes. Aemond is standing by the bench awkwardly unsure if he should sit so close. Your annoyance with him just standing there gets the better of you.

"Sit down, would you?, you're always bouncing its giving me anxiety." Your eyes are downcast, but you know he sat down next to you because you can feel it.

"I heard your little speech. Clearly, there is something you wish to say to me so..... just say it, " you say irritation in your voice. Clenching and unclenching your fists.

Aemonds mouth goes completely dry, and his hands start shaking. He imagined this scenario repeatedly over the last few years, and now that he is here his entire body is laced with anxiety.

"I owe you an apology" he says firmly.

"Yeah.... I guess you do" you say jaw clenched.

Aemond sighs and runs his hand down his face. "I fucked up. There's no question on that...... and I've thought of you practically every day since. You were more than my girlfriend. You were my best friend. My favorite person." He rubs his hands together trying to shake the nerves.

"Then why? Why? Why did you do it?" Your voice is trembling a mix of grief and rage

"Because I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. I know you deserve a better explanation than that, but I don't have one. I didn't plan it out. It wasn't some big conspiracy. It was me. Being a complete moron." He hangs his head and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.

Your eyes start to well with tears. You lift your head and look toward the sky. "That's it? We lost everything because you're an idiot?" You clench your jaw. "You destroyed me, and it didn't even mean anything?"

He tries to think of a response to this, but he just can't. He doesn't have an answer that will make this better

"I didn't destroy you" he finally says after a long pause.

You look over at him, and your rage boils over. You shove him by his shoulder. "How can you say that? How could you possibly know how I felt? What it did to me?"

"You can't be destroyed." He pauses "you are so strong and-"

You interrupt him "stop. Just stop."

He says your name with an exhale. " I'm not trying to downplay the pain I caused you. I know it was immense. But I can't pretend that I destroyed you. You're so much more than us. You are smart, strong, and beautiful all in your own right. It's impossible to destroy something like that."

You sigh, frustrated. " I guess you're right. I survived. I made it. I'm happy now. " You bite your bottom lip

Aemond pauses and takes a deep breath. "H-he makes you happy huh?" The heartbreak in his voice is undeniable.

You think about this for a minute and smile. "Yeah. Yeah, he does." You feel a twinge of guilt,"even though I waste so much time being angry at you. He is patient. Caring......" You trail off.

"You deserve that." Aemond puts his hand to his chest as if to ease the swelling he feels there. "You deserve someone who puts you first. Someone who is smart enough to recognize what they have"

You ponder this for a minute. Cregan really has been immensely patient. Where a lot of people would have walked away from someone who seemed like they were still hung up on their ex, he was there. Patient understanding.

He sighs. "I know I can't change what I did....... But do you think. That it would be possible to be in your life again? Not the way I was. I know that, but honestly, I'd take anything." He wrings his hands wracked with nerves. "There is a hole in my life, and I know it's you."

Your chest tightens. You know the feeling. You have tried to fill that hole with hate and anger. it weighs heavily on you. "And what exactly do you suggest?"

"Friends?" He turns and looks at you directly now. "Please? I'm not asking for you to forgive me.... I'm not asking that you forget what I've done, but...... I can't go on without you in my life. " he sounds like he is holding back tears. " I've loved you for so long, and it isn't just a romantic love... it's deeper than that. " his breath is shakey.

"I'm still so angry" you say head down looking into your lap. "I don't want to be but I am"

He holds his breath and closes his eye. " I am too. I have been kicking my own arse for the last 4 years every day for chasing you out of my life." He rubs his palms down the front of his trousers. "Asking you this... it isn't easy but I have to try, don't I?"

You finally lift your head and look into his eye, and a wave of butterflies goes through you. You chuckle lightly. "Pretty brave of you, I have to admit. Since I was hoping you would spontaneously combust all through the ceremony"

He looks at you with reverence. As if he has been hiking through the desert and has finally found an oasis. He tucks some of your hair behind your ear. "That would have made things a bit easier, huh?" He laughs, but there is no humor behind it.

You feel a tingling sensation that goes all the way down to your toes at his touch. Your response is automated. Like you are being controlled by someone else. You bring your fingers up to his face and caress his cheek.

He takes in a harsh breath and closes his eye. A single tear escapes and trails down his face. "God, I missed you," he says just above a whisper.

With that, you lose it, and tears start flowing freely.

He opens his eye and lifts his hand to your face. "Can i?" He asks

You nod, and he cups your cheek. He leans in, pressing his forehead to yours. "I don't deserve it... but I need you...please..... give me a chance to be in your life, in any capacity."

"We'll be together forever," Aemond says, sure of his words as you lay in the grass next to each other. "No matter what. You're a part of me now. I can feel it"

You giggle and roll onto your side, holding onto him. "I know. I can't imagine my life without you in it." You shake your head. "That would be just terrible"

"Then let's make a promise," he turns on his side facing you. "No matter what, it will always be me and you. Always. We will always find a way"

"I promise always"

Aemond is holding your cheek and looking into your eyes. Hoping and praying for a response.

"I promise..... always" you say through tears. "We can find a way..... to be there for eachother I know we can"

He hugs you and pulls you tight up against him. He nuzzles his face into your hair and whispers. "Thank you, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me"

He pulls his head back and looks into your eyes. "I know your with someone. I know you are happy with him. I would never do anything to take that from you. I..... i.... I just need to know you. I need to know who you are now. Who you've become."

With that, the levy finally breaks, and you are no longer talking to your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart and ruined everything but an old friend. A friend you missed dearly. You talk about everything you have done since you stopped talking. About you and Cregan your job. Your hopes for the future. He tells you about him. He tells you about how he has become an adjunct professor and that his love life is non-existent. You joke and laugh, both crying and laughing at the same time.

You get so lost in talking you don't notice the sun going down or the guests clearing out. What finally pulls you out of your conversation is Cregan entering the garden with his hands in his pockets.

Cregan shuffles toward you kicking lightly at dirt and small rocks as he makes his way over.

You stand up from the bench and wipe your face. You have a big smile on your face.

"Hey.... I've been looking for you" Cregan says apprehensively his eyes shifting back and fourth between you and Aemond.

"Sorry.... just out here making peace, " you smile while looking down at Aemond, who is still sitting on the bench.

Aemond stands up and extends his hand to Cregan. "I don't think I introduced myself properly earlier. I'm Aemond brother of the groom"

Cregan takes his hand hesitantly and shakes it. "Cregan...... "

You turn to Aemond and open your arms for a hug. You give him a hug and then pull back taking his forearms in your hands. "We will talk again soon. I want to hear all about that interview for the permanent teaching position"

"Yeah... talk soon" Aemond smiles and makes his way out of the garden. Giving you one last look back before he exits.

"So......" Cregan is looking all around not making eye contact with you.

"Hey," you take his hands "there is nothing to worry about. You were right earlier. I wasn't over it. Not because I want him still but because I never let him apologize"

He looks at you, a small smile creeping onto his face. "And has he?"

"Yes, and oddly enough, I feel a lot better," you say, the relief evident in your voice.

"Good" he says as he wraps an arm around you guiding you out of the garden.

As you walk, you think. You don't know if you and Cregan are going to make it in the long term. You don't know if one day you and Aemond may find your way back to each other. What you do know. Is that you needed this. That for the first time in years there isn't this heavy weight. You know that you can look back on your memories and smile. Knowing that although it didn't last, you were still lucky to experience something so beautiful, so meaningful. You feel lighter. And you know you really are happy now.

Just before you a Cregan exit the garden, you take one last look toward the rosebushes. And smile.

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[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - 2 GREAT Shows but everything else is kinda blah

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. Happy new year, BLabies!

Jan 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - This show is really earning its chops, and these actors are executing beautifully. I think this is a great BL, and it reminds me quite a bit of ATOTS, only the physical comfort between the actors is more genuine and easy to watch. Unfortunately a guitar came out. Nice communication tho.

That was a very lovely romantic sex scene. Very prettily done. Classy boys, very classy.

Gah what a beautiful final scene with Day saying the last thing he wants to see is Mhork. Pure unadulterated romance of the highest order.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - If killer, why hot? Poor Tarn compelled to try to rescue everyone else from their fate, because he cannot save himself from his.

Meanwhile Phaya is finally learning that you catch more water snakes with honey lube than vinegar.

Stellar confession from Phaya brutally honest and very fated mates.

And another lovely sex scene, so I guess that was a vision and not a fantasy Tharn had.

Lets be clear those two shows were GREAT everything else this week was kinda blah.  

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I find the backstory very odd. Are they twins? What happened to Blue? Am I meant to care? Do I care? 

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 10 of 12 - I mostly just feel sorry for First. He’s so rightfully confused. Zee/Sprite keeps blowing hot and cold because they two different people! The after sex cuddle was cute. 

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 14 - Love getting more JeffAlan. Also I switch favorite character allegiances in the trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 6 of 12 - Didn’t air this week and I hardly noticed. 

You and My Stars YT 1 of 2(?) - school kids, love triangle, it’s cute enough.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) 1626 ep 20 of 24 - Just so boring. 3/10 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I’m not into the love triangle. Although I kind of like the new suitor, he’s honest and a good communicator. I appreciate these things in a BL boy. But I begin to wonder if triangles should be left for KBL. Also, this should have been an 8 epper, 10 is too long.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - No ep until Jan 12 

I Became the Main Role of a BL (Japan Sun Gaga) ep 1-3 - AKA BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen - A rising star is paired with an (older) former child actor (doesn’t think he’s good enough) in a BL series. It’s fun, built on a dynamic of off screen paralleling the on screen, so near constantly meta. All the tropes are there but are as a result of the filming process. The star turns out to be obsessed with the former actor and very dorky about it. In fact, everyone in this show is a little gremlin weirdo (affectionate). There’s tons of scenery chewing miscommunication drama, slapstick, voice over head hopping, and eccentric sides characters. “And he comes with feathers” applies to a number of my friends. You know I don’t like stories around fan obsession, but otherwise this was enjoyable. 8/10

A nice start to the JBL year. Keep em coming, Japan.  

It's done I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have a spare day.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Night Dream (Sat YT) 6 eps - It’s a pain to track down and I really didn’t like the first episode so… DNF  

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year end round ups (so far) are as follows:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

Best Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

BL 2023 - Cute Bits of Domesticity

BL 2023 - Boys Feeding Boys

BL 2023 - BOOP!

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

Next Week Looks Like This

Starting This Week:

1/9 Time the series (Thai Gaga, WeTV, Channel 3) 10 eps - MFlow Entertainment brings us yet another "fix the past" narrative. After witnessing the gunning down of his beloved, a heartbroken actor uses a magic pocket watch to go back in time and discover the truth and maybe fix it.

1/11 Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) - Soga, who, after a divorce and relocation to Osaka, seeks solace in dining at 26-year-old Sakae's restaurant. Unbeknownst to Soga, Sakae sees him as more than just a regular customer.

More Coming Jan 2024

Beside You (Thai YouTube)

Love For Love's Sake (Korea ????)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan ????) - five years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so... probubly not. I won't be watching this.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Yes, you SHOULD apologize!

This was a FANTASTIC moment! Last Twilight

Night Dream referencing the Shrimp Trope.

Some didn't like this bit BUT I love a claiming moment, even in a briefing room... especially there.

I ALSO love a good Grandma Moment in a BL.

Such a good sex scene. The Sign

(Last week)

[materialgworlas]

Revenge- Jujutsu Kaisen Cast X Reader part 1

Synopsis: You aint been too happy ab Toji getting kicked out the group chat so decide to make Emogumi and the others pay.

This post was so fun to make with @jordanahart bsf lysmmm and instead of 'Y/n' we used 'Jordan' as my lil gift to her but feel free to sub in your own name

Warning: mild language, Gojo's a jealous mess, u n Toji causing mayhem, Megumi 13th reason

☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

BEE-

What the- an alarm? Who the hell put this here?? I didn’t peg Toji for an alarm kinda guy… but then again there’s a whole lot I don’t know about him. I guess that’s why Gojo thought it best to ship me off to stay with him for the week while my dorm is being fumigated.

Megumi sighed as he sat up, lazily rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The boy heard a faint commotion coming from the kitchen before the overwhelming smell of eggs and bacon filled his senses.

Smells good, didn’t know the guy could cook. Megumi thought as he tumbled out the bed.

He was confused to find Toji in the living room though, sprawled on the couch watching the Maury show a boisterous laugh escaped the man as dumb ass debby made a run for it when Miguel was declared NOT the father. “GET HER!” he continued laughing, enjoying the hilarious chase between her and the camera man, almost tearing up as the video became blurrier from all the running.

The teenage-sorcerer just stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, finding irony in TOJI laughing at this show, of all people. “Oh hey kid.” The man grunted, finally noticing the boy’s presence.

“Hey.” He greeted back, “what’s Cooking?”

“Dunno, ask.”

The boy scoffed at his father before padding to the kitchen, assuming it was some fancy Maid Gojo hired.

“Oh hey emogumi.”

“Jord-.”

WAIT WHY THE FUCK IS JORDAN HERE?!??!

NO, GOD NO! THIS ISNT HAPPENING! THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT NIGHTMARE I HAD 2 WEEKS AGO- wait. Im probably overreacting. I’m sure there’s a good reason JORDAN- MY CLASSMATE OBSESSED WITH MY FATHER- is here, I hope.

“Mtch, quit staring n hand me that towel.” Her words snapped him out of his daze.

“The hell are you doing here L/n.” Megumi huffed, slinging her the towel.

“Makin breakfast dumbass.” She laughed, fluttering passed him to reach the pantry.

“Right, why tho.”

“well I mean, have u SEEN Toji cook?! Total carnage. And don’t get me started on actually TASTING IT-“

“Okay, we get it. I’m useless in the kitchen.” Toji cut her off with a sigh, ruffling her hair making Jordan let out a girly giggle Megumi could only gag at.

“Well it’s a good thing you’re not useless at alota other things-“

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE-

“Ay Emogumi, u brush your teeth?” Jordan spoke again

“Huh-“

“EEEWWW you NASTY mf. Go-on n do it now before you eat breakfast.” She tsked

“i-“

“You should listen to your- I mean, Jordan.” Toji said

Speechless, Megumi quietly made his way up the stairs.

“N make sure you air out yo room. whole place was MUSTY when I put yo alarm there.”

“That was you?!” He yelped from up the stairs

As Megumi sulked back down the stairs, the sound of giggling in the living room made his heart drop, the young sorcerer stopped just short of the entrance.

Come on Fushiguro, you’ve faced worse than this; Thousand-year-old curses, Gojo’s goth era- there’s nothing Jordan can do which would be worse than seeing that grown man in black lipstick and eye make-up wailing nirvana around the campus-

“mtch you just gonna stand there emogumi?” Jordan raised an eyebrow to her classmate standing in the hallway, a distant look in his eyes.

As his eyes met hers the boy’s mind went blank. OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING!??!?! ITS WORSE, ITS WORSE. THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE. A hot shoot of blood sprang from the boy’s nose looking at the unholy sight of Jordan on Toji’s lap with her hands under his shirt.

“You alright kid?” the older man grunted, a little disturbed by the wild look in his eyes, though he was only responded with silence. The pair chose to ignore the boy, focusing on how debby was now tryna pick a fight with Miguel’s girlfriend on the Maury show.

They didn’t notice the flash of Megumi’s phone as he took a picture and sent it to the group chat.

taglist: @gloryous51 @absoluteindulgence @platonictoad @chichimisaki @hoohoohope @callmekda @shuxjodie @stuff101 @ascybous @hoe42dmen @aziwa-s-wife @lady-cryptstone

[voiceofsword]

do you have any brotps/friendships for rinne or niki ( since they seem to be like . the ones you think about most ) that you particularly like ? aside from the other bees ofc

YEAH!! under a read more bc its a little long :'3

roommates are a given, i think hikari dorm is perfectly balanced (chaotic) in its own way and that even tho the 3 of them are so different they also manage to get along really well. i cant take them seriously at all and i think thats part of their charm lol. they're all such Characters individually that together it just feels Normal. i can imagine the three of them sitting around the bathtub, kanata splashing around while hiyori paints his own nails and rinne gossips. its like if the golden girls were anime boys but theres 3 instead of 4 and none of them are divorced or widowed. so really nothing like the golden girls but im sure u understand...maybe

nihihi dorm is actually tied for my fave with gender dorm god i love them a ton, i think in part because i love nikis relationship with hiiro and how hes adopted him as his own younger brother, but also hinata. i think about niki cooking for them and having them try new dishes and them having movie nights or staying up all night playing games and even tho niki has work the next morning hes like (exaggerated sigh) fine ONE more game...but he loves it

i love both rinne and niki (and crazybs in general honestly) doting relationship on 2wink and im so happy they keep getting collabs .. in case they decide to give us more crumbs... plz. they feel like younger siblings to them. rinne especially makes me so soft because past his initial impression of being a bad influence and generally just pushing his luck on how much he can tease, it always feels like hes looking out for the two

otherwise i also rly enjoy how they both interact within their own circle (i feel like ive been wanting a nikis kitchen tour for the past 2000 years. i hope we get framed picture of izumi in one of the 3*s).

i rly like how rinne gets along with his kouhai both in asobi and craftmonster bc of the attitude he takes on, ive mentioned it in another post but w/ the former especially he rly just allows himself to be playful so much so that it almost takes the kids off-guard bc theyre like what..hes not as scary as we thought he'd be at all. i think the best rinne friendships are the ones where they set those prejudices aside and dont take him seriously at all lol bc that's when he rly starts to feel comfortable. this grown ass man running around playing games and doing arts n crafts with a bunch of 15-17 y/os (and shu i guess) is a funny mental image and it rly feels like he can let himself loose. conversely i also love when he's exasperated with his juniors bc then hes like oh right im an adult i need to set an example.. this is about U chill yellow

on the other hand i like how niki interacts with ppl a lot more "serious" than him i.e ibara, natsume bc he tends to like..soften them? ppl cant help but let their guard down around niki hes just.... himself. like even if theyre initially wary they grow to be like "oh wait this guy's really nice what the fuck"

i particularly like nikis kitchen circle bc its ppl you usually wouldnt see interact with niki but u can tell they want to impress him. its so sweet nikis just some guy who wants to share his love for cooking. also thinking about the difference between how ibara would interact with rinne and niki (harsher with rinne bc hes his Boss whereas with niki he's more accommodating, that one gordon ramsey meme thats like u donkey vs oh oh dear) is funny so even if theres not a lot of interactions for them i want to think ibara would let niki get away with just about anything

AND NIKI AND TETORA...IVE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS A FEW TIMES THOUGH... i have a huge soft spot for them. ritsu too. they get like 2 interactions (sweets hunter story, craftmonsters recent gacha) but ritsus humor is just so DRY and u can see niki be like (cogs turning in his head) Whar? its really silly ALSO HE CALLS HIM NIKIPYON....IS THAT NOT PERFECT... i need them to be friends

i like niki and mayois friendship, but its admittedly not my favorite; i like how niki feels like he can trust mayoi implicitly and how he tries to make him comfortable too — i think theyre both quite similar irt self image/esteem although they both go about it in different ways. their interactions can be sweet but one thing that stops me from enjoying them fully is how mayoi always seems kind of uncomfortable (and niki seems unaware of how/why he's uncomfortable) ;_; i hope that in the future the writers can let mayoi be more at peace around him, it'd be sweet!!

and atp i feel like ive talked enough about hiiro and rinne for it to not warrant having its own little ramble section here 😭

[multidimensional-trashcan]

No don't apologize for the Stucky stuff! I only watched Endgame once in the cinema because it pissed me off so much.

And I just did it again expecting to maybe be a little more forgiving. But NO I am still pissed off mainly because of this part...

same for me! watched endgame once and it pissed me off sooo much. im not sure whether i watched it ever again but im sure that in the future i definitely wont! and y'know for me its not even about shipping them (tho i do somewhat in the sense of i love their dynamic and want to see more of it no matter whether platonic, queerplatonic (or romantic)). but in the movies it is shown that there is no one more important to steve than bucky (man didnt want to fight against him although he was brainwashed and ready to kill him) and bucky literally broke 70 years of mind control for steve (and you dont just establish such a beautiful line as 'til the end of the line' in one movie and then betray that sentiment). they literally love each other! but for some reason people cant fathom platonic love (which it is in canon) greater than romantic love so they think if given the choice steve would go back to peggy. which is the direct opposite of what the three captain america movies showed us! he moves on! he learns she had a happy life, he goes to her funeral for fs sake! he kisses her niece (also dumb ass move of the directors guess they thought it would make people stop shipping stucky or whatever, hate that they basically just included sharon for love interest reasons). and in endgame hes been in the present for about 11 years! thats double the time he knew peggy in the 40s. and he. moves. on. (sorry it annoys me that they just ignored the whole character development). also the same goes for peggy. while she still was pretty one-dimensional love interest like in the movies, the series about her finally did something with her besides being the woman captain america likes. and she also. moved. on! and then they just erased all that, booted the series out of canon and just made her a cardboard-cut love interest again! ugh. also someone please tell me how it makes sense that Steve Rogers, the man that searched 2 years for Bucky without knowing whether hed find him and who fought out a civil war (at least partially) for him, would just sit around in the 50s while knowing that bucky was being tortured by hydra right now. he just wouldnt. thats so completely out of character i wanna scream! oh god this is long. anyway once again:

STEVE AND BUCKY'S LOVE FOR EACH OTHER IS CANON! AND JUST BECAUSE STEVE LOVED (yes ill say loved see 'he moved on') PEGGY ROMANTICALLY THAT DOESNT MEAN ITS MORE IMPORTANT OR GREATER THAN HIS LOVE FOR BUCKY. SAME GOES FOR IF HE STILL LOVED HER! THIS IS TRUE IN REAL LIFE TOO! PLATONIC LOVE IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY LESSER THAN ROMANTIC LOVE! THIS ALSO MEANS THAT 'THERES NO OTHER EXPLANATION THAN ROMANCE FOR STUCKY IS ALSO WRONG'. YES YOU CAN HEADCANON THEM AS ROMANTIC BUT IT IS NOT THE ONLY EXPLANATION.

and yes im aware that even with steve staying in the present, steve and bucky's relationship would still have been sidelined in favour of a romantic, straight (its marvel what are we expecting) one. i guess thats what i mean when i say im shipping them. they are made for each other ('its difficult to find someone with shared life experience' -> bucky shows up, god i love this) and their relationship is one of the most important in their lifes (if not the most) and relationships with other people (romantic, platonic, queerplatonic or other) would not change anything about that. but marvel (and lets be real the people watching) dont see this. so i have something to rant about for days :)

[mothgravez]

Jade and gold am right hahahaha *coughs up blood and dies* <- Lin daiyu moment. I will ramble under cut of Spider Of Marriage or Marriage ? Marriage Hong lu? we are marrying her?? wife??

basically i was discussing brainrotting with friends before potential abnos and i just realized spider of marriage was kinda.. COUGHS .. . COUGh .. um Well. Red Chamber reference ( Xue Baochai and Jia Baoyu ( Who Hong Lu is based in Limbus ) ). I can and will go full autism on it later cuz im a bit SCARED scary

So i decided to kinda? Design an EGO , theres littol symbolisms like his ribbon being tied up with a yellow ribbon strand symbolizing baochai, yet the torns hurting him yknow .. . and the flower being on side of his heart, the blood could be a sick and twisted way to say amarilys right? crimson pearl flower? goddess Nüwa?

Summarizing the best i can, they were a loveless couple, he didnt want to marry baochai but his family just went umm yes You Will. to try easy the situation out cuz horrors been happening and a marriage would've been a "happy celebration". So uh Lin Daiyu same day ends up dying while Jia Baoyu marries Xue Baochai 👍👍👍👍👍👍 screwed up lungs i guess! coughing up blood. He goes kinda emo with the news but its ok we gang fr.

I have NO IDEA how PM will approach, the whole family stuff with Hong Lu esp the marriage thing in Canto 8 / VIII, or even if Daiyu and the other girls from Hong Lu Family will show up ( Including Hua Xiren girl you'll always be famous, iirc she was referenced on Canto VI or im absolutely stoned but yeah . Tho if daiyu does NOT even get a little mention i might distort irl ). Since like.. PM doesn't go into a 1v1 version with their adaptations of course, also cuz the book is GIGANTIC ( 5 volumes and the last 2 iirc being lost media ) I theorize they might grab the last few volumes like the marriage thing?? maybe?? or give a completely new twist... in any way im excited !!! stimmy!! im sure late this year we gotta see them anyway :] absolutely the end of me

[bmpmp3]

I FINALLY watched that barbie movie that came out, i watched it last night! it was cute and pretty solid i thought. and then immediately after finishing that i watched the 1989 found footage tv movie ufo abduction/the mcpherson tape?

barbie was mostly very funny (that smallpox joke is inexcusable tho) it seems aimed for maybe a tween-teen kind of audience? i havent heard of many big huge movies aimed at that demographic recently so thats really nice

you know i was worried id be insufferable to both barbie movie fans and barbie movie haters because i have 1) a doll hobby 2) too much interest in doll history and 3) a complete lack of trust and respect for mattel as a company in the past decade and i figured you wouldnt be able to talk to me about it without me um-actually-ing every two seconds BUT it wasnt as egregious as i expected in regards to doll history myths

im especially glad they didnt call stuff like happy family midge and earring magic ken like "recalled" or "banned" or whatever 'cause thats just one of those myths LOL BUT discontinued is a weird term... yeah they were discontinued but like. all dolls are some day. from what i can tell both those dolls werent even like prematurely (heh) discontinued or anything most reports seem that happy family midge sold okay (although there seems to have been controversies at least with the wedding ring and cardboard cutout husband situations) and earring magic ken probably didnt sell well. because hes ken. the earring magic barbies in the line probably sold better LOL i guess a better term could have been like. controversial barbies? infamous barbies? sugar's daddy ken is true and hilarious tho, although if i remember correctly it was like a collectors doll meant for adults that just never got released in the first place

I DID love tanner's inclusion. i love that stupid shitting dog so much i wanted it so bad as a kid but i didnt care about the barbie so it would have been a waste of a playset

speaking of not caring about the barbie so like. i didnt really like barbies as a kid. i didnt really like dolls. i was a furry i only liked animal shaped toys LOL i did have one barbie i picked out myself, fairytopia kindlee who i loved and adored and lost and i dream about her forever. but yeah nothing less interesting to me both as a child and as an adult than a default face sculpt blue eyed blonde barbie toy, which is, as most adults interesting in the modern day toy industry can attest, the reason for our disdain for mattel HFJDKHFDJS actually its more than that - weirdly inflated prices for cheaply made clothes and low quality printing, strangely dated fashion, the weird all or nothing either bare minimum 5 points of articulation or full out double jointed mtm bodies (where is single jointed elbows...i miss her....), THE DECADE LONG REIGN OF TERROR OF THE GLUE HEAD (although we're finally past that), why are those collectors dolls so expensive they look the same quality, why did they make that collectors mermaid ken white from the brown guy in the concept art, in canada the pricing and availability is wacky so i imagine its even worse everywhere else outside the US, this is a personal thing but why does every mattel doll ive ever owned like combust at its joints randomly. am i cursed? do i have a mattel curse? ive been thinking about this for years why does the plastic just disintigrate the second it enters my home what god did i anger. what plastic god did i anger. help me my bloodline has been cursed by some sort of polyvinyl based deity beyond my comprehension

anyway as i was saying it was a little sobering watching a movie with a good fashion and prop and set budget do a take on the memories of what barbie dolls used to be and then thinking about that absolutely dire state we're in rn. bro i kept looking at outfits like modern mattel would never. theyre too busy making half printed t shirt dresses with a random ruffle attached on the side <3 but vintage mattel would also not be as diverse. although neither mattel has an actually fat doll so. um. thats the saddest um-actually im gonna do :(

ive been joking to myself for years that barbie is the name of the species, ken might be some kind of subspecies, so it is funny to see the brand in both real life stores and also this movie lean into that. barbie really is a species. they do move in herds. wait im getting distracted anyway years ago barbie had a big refresh where they leaned into the idea that anyone can be barbie - everyone is barbie: they brought out new body types (standard, tall, short, and slightly curvy) which was a big step, a bigger range of skintones and all kinds of new face molds and screenings, also theres like bald barbies and barbies with prosthetics and wheelchair barbies are made way more often. and all this is fantastic. but unfortunately the blonde blue eyed millie sculpts still haunt most non-fashionista releases.... stereotypical barbie u dont know what u are.... its a shame they didnt reference the millie sculpt in the movie i woulda died LOL

but i always thought it was pretty wack that they made all these cool dolls and then relegated them to wear t shirt dresses for eternity. i like that the budget line is so diverse and i dont even mind the lack of articulation that much (although i do miss basic 9 point articulation where are my elbows and knees) but GOD those outfits. can be ROUGH. and WHY do they never put like half of the diverse dolls in other playsets WHY cant basketball barbie be bald WHEN will i get that prosthetic leg barbie as a fairy like youve put all this effort into all this diversity and then ur doing NOTHING with it mattel im begging u. im begging u. make a fantasy wheelchair barbie i know you can do it. i know you can do it

im not even talking about the movie anymore sorry im just complaining about barbie dolls even tho im not a huge barbie collector JFKDHJRKF i was just picky about toys as a child and i want kids nowadays to get cool dolls too. i think a kid deserves a nice thing to play with that looks like them or like their family or other people around them that also allows to imaginative play you know

okay. okay in the context of the movie its fine and makes sense but lemme tell u. being so deep in the current state of mattel hearing america ferrera's character suggest "ordinary barbie" made me fucking jump out of my seat and point at my laptop screen i almost said outloud "YOUUU" jgekfjfd it was her.... she did this.... jk jk its a sweet message in the movie but just so u know in mattel's mind "ordinary barbie" translates to overpriced cheaply made sack dress barbie. orz

wait back on topic back on topic its a nice movie, im glad it resonates with a lot of people. the plot was a little strange but i dont mind, the sets and outfits and everything was so good anyway, i loved that big huge chunky necklace as a touch, its some fashion brand symbol i dont remember sowwy but i like how huge it is LOL also the music was pretty great, i liked the needle drops and the music composed for the movie was fun too, what was i made for is fantastic but i knew that already its been a hit for a while now and i heard a vocal synth cover of it that sounded nice so i was already on board HJKDHJKFDS sometimes the. racial aspect of the movie was. jarring? they really only mention race like thrice (one of those times being the aforementioned awful smallpox joke) which. you know sometimes i get a little annoyed with a lot of contemporary movies and shows bringing up race just for little quips and jokes here and there while completely ignoring anything substantial about the topic, i know this is a tween movie with a two hour run time and they wanted to focus but i dunno man. it always feels like they're making a joke about elephants while the ignoring the elephant in the room staring u down. but whatever. i'll just lock someone into an unskippable cutscene conversation about history in regards to race and dolls irl later LOL cute movie tho. i like when movies have cool sets and outfits

NOW to the second half of that very odd double feature i gave myself last night UFO ABDUCTION its basically considered the first found footage horror movie, as a tv movie from 1989, and lemme tell u IT IS hard to watch LOL not because its like scary but like. because its a little bit bad <3 but its okay i dont mind, the main character behind the camera got pretty insufferable near the end (would not shut up and made it hard to hear the other actors orz) but it was only an hour and had like no budget - plus i love seeing where so much of the genre came from. im glad to know people screaming at the main character to shut that damn camera off has been here since the very beginning. i also loved the stupid alien costumes its such a shame theyre only in there for like 3 scenes they were the best part: genuinely kind of creepy at the first sight at the ufo landing because theyre so far away and low quality, and also really silly and goofy when they walk right up to the camera <3 <3 <3

i truly madly deeply genuinely without a shred of irony adore found footage so im always happy to see more! even when its bad :) i like it when cameras shake and people scream OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT

[dabisqueen]

Tumblr didn’t notify me but now I’m here to answer!

1. Showers with the hottest water the pipes can handle. If I don’t burn off a layer of skin I don’t feel clean.

2. I drink both but I’ll alternate which one I have hyperfixation on: currently it’s coffee

3. Flats, I’ve broken one ankle twice and the other one once. Not trying to do that again 😅

4. I like both but my favorite is sour gummies

5. Extra baggy tshirt and shorts

6. Only ever learned automatic, been wanting to learn stick tho

7. Both, I’ve fostered/bottle fed and then rehomed about 20ish cats and about half as many dogs that I’ve found on abandoned properties. I was so well known for it back home strangers would leave them on my doorstep in the middle of the night

8. Birds, I’ve owned a few parakeets as a kid and wanna get another. I have a fear of frogs bc my cousin would throw them at me as a kid. Yet Froppy is one of my favorite hero kids in MHA lol

9. Howls Moving Castle, I was once told I have Calcifers sass

10. It’s been a long time and I need to watch it again. I hold it accountable for my biker fixation

11. Watermelon: when I was sad as kid my grandpa would buy a watermelon and we would sit outside and eat it no matter the time of year. It’s my comfort food.

12. Grew up in a small town but I’ve been enjoying my new city life

13. Both, carbs are life 😂

14. Veggies, I’m not vegan/vegetarian I just don’t typically like the taste and have gotten food poisoning from undercooked chicken multiple times. Thanks American public schools 🙄

15. No: I have super sensitive skin and am allergic to a lot of makeup products. Been given “organic plant based” products….. yeah, plants in allergic too….

16. My hair is kinda long right now. I’ve been growing out the back and sides from its previous undercut.

17. My fiancé is a guy so I guess that counts 😂 truthfully I’ve always been leaning towards being demisexual but dang it he got me lol

Hey dear!

Thanks for answering... I was a little late bc of the time difference.

You had an undercut? Rad! I want one too!

Oh, your fiancé is a lucky man - and so are you! I'm happy for you 😊

💙

[imnotreal-png]

:T -- Entri 3

Liking people is becoming a hassle tbh. I'm definitely part of the issue but not in the way you think.

Im not hung up on anyone or anything, i'm just broke. My style is nonexistent, my confidence has depleted,,,,nothings stable rn.

I canceled a date i had tomorrow. Super sweet guy, super attractive but idk if he's not for me or what because i was dreading it. So i texted him and told him the honest truth. Literally what i just told you basically.

im tired of not having an income. i only have so much stashed away specifically for clothes and i never have the chance to go shopping. I should probably go this wednesday

I keep eating fruits with nutella every chance i get. tbh i been eating a lot lately (aloooot of boiled eggs) and im happy abt it. hopefully this goes on for a while til i gain at least something.

my sex drive been high tho. pleasing myself as always. wish sex wasnt viewed the way it is.....sigh

muzik stuff been goin very smoothly. i have little panic moments where im like "omygosh i cant make anymore music, i've milked all the talent ive got, its so over" and then 3 weeks later on a random tuesday; i'll get locked into fl studio for 7-10 hours and come out w a whole new beat and song lol. i shud hate on myself less probably.

I have a few songs that still havent even been scheduled for release lol, maybe i shud relax a bit. im still waiting for good weather 2 record this mv with my friend 4 our song ahhhghghghgh hopefully it works out

i wonder if im going to stay in the city. like where will i be living in 10 years? i hope i'll be okay. i have no idea what im doing rn. i love what im studying and working for but ik deep down its mostly just so i can have a degree and stable outcome bc otherwise i'd continue being an entrepreneur somehow...maybe? idk im just talking shit rn. scared i guess.

trying to reject the idea that im "falling behind" on life bc it makes me feel super shitty even tho its technically true but no point in making myself feel overly miserable abt it.

i wish i was pretty like them

nite nite

[momiamtired]

i think this world just plays sick jokes with me. i really dont think i will be able to survive if ill continue to live like this. its not that bad i mean i have water, food, house, im studying. its just that i know what i could have. its unfair. i cant believe how unfair this world is. i know some people struggle much more but tbh i cant give a shit ab other people right now. my mental health was awful even before going to this country but right now i just cant believe how awful this all idea with abroad education could be. i had so much hope of going to see my family this summer, to see my cat, my friends, my friends who are able to come to my country only this summer. i just want to be a kid again. i just want to be free again. i just want to be happy again. im tired of all of this im tired so so so much. i have my finals soon. i guess i wont be able to even smile at that period. i miss my previous life. i never thought this all could become like this, my mind is going crazy too. my dad had ocd and it inherited to me ig so i always struggled with anxiety. now my mind tries to explain everythhing that happens to me with some logic or pattern and it feels like im going crazy. i pray every night even tho i dont believe in god. its just my mind trying to tell me that this world can not be that cruel and 100% there is some explanation to what is happening to me. i remember last time i experienced something like this when i was 15 and war only started and i would sit all day in my phone constantly and i cried a lot. i hated my life there bc i didnt do anything except sitting in the phone all time and i lived like this for 2 month i believe? i guess the situation rn is not that bad. i play games with my friends, i have money and tasty food and i dont feel like a failure like i lfelt back there. it just for some reason when things start to get a tiny little bit better to me for some reason everything is ruining and things get so bad that i literraly want to kill myself. i may be too confidant saying this but i believe that if i get some more pressure on my life i will do it. i just cant keep living like this. i met a boy recently and everything was so good. it was one of little to no good moments i experienced here. then he started ignoring me. i have an awful self esteem, i never had a bf or been ignored by guys. i guess i see myself as absolute trash ugly cow and then for some reason be surprised seeing boys not paying me that much attention. then i got a letter that i need to do my biometrics. basically it means that i cant go home anymore. fuck there is car in front of my house i swear to god is this is my roommate i would believe that god is real and he is a fucking satan. i want to pee really bad too and my other roommate washing rn. with her bestfriend waiting for her in her room. i want friends too. she is listening to some pop music. i hate americans i wish they all could die. why some peopel experience what i experience and some of them live like this. i will never believe that she had troubles at least as bad as i had. i know it sounds like im some kind of a slave and pity myself but this is true. and i pity myself. i guess its normal to pity myself when the whole world is just fucking ur ass like a monster. anyways, i cant go back to my country(my only chanse of being happy in this year and the reason why i keep wking up), i hate myself, i hate my appearence, i hate all people around me, im jealous of all of them even when its something small, im failing all of my classes, i dont have friends, the only boy i thopught i was good enough for and we had a good time and i genuanly liked him just ignored me and i decided to give him another chance and we are supposed to meet tomorrow but he said he will tell me when yesterday at the evening or today in the morning and he didnt tell me anything so i guess i lost him too, i have severe anxiety, i have money anxiety?, i dont know english and every time i speak with someone i feel so embarresed bc i always thinks i did something wrong or said something so they think

[megismorallysunny]

25/09/23

i might upload 2 today bc i have a lot, not from today just in general, so much so that i wrote it down. i had science first, turns out the school wanted every teacher for their first class to show their classes the new one way system because they felt it was clogged up. its really fucking stupid and we were supposed to follow it as soon as we left first class.. spoiler alert no one did, absolutely no one, i didnt see any teachers not following but no students are. I feel like using that system its only a matter of time before a 1st year gets hit by a car, your supposed to go outside to get to some classes that would have only been a few metres away now, and the way you go sometimes has cars on it, i seen one going pretty fast just a minute after class started.

i had irish after science and turns out that irish hw i was doing wasnt even the hw, and i had already done the hw a week ago, omg i just cant but it was a-ok. after that was maths, everyone was in for once so there wasnt enough seats for everyone, hopefully 4k4 and his other friend 5k5 dont steal my seat, i worked my ass off for that. a student who came 2 weeks ago, nickname -bluebird, is just annoying, its not that shes done anything wrong its that shes a complete loner, wont talk to anyone, not like ive tried but more in the sense, you wont hear even a squeak. in business she doesnt take down notes, in maths she doesnt do questions (not that i can say much) and in french she doesnt even know ça va and wont do her french hw. so yeah plain infuriating. i did my english hw wrong after i spent an hour carefully constructing only a third of my answer for an hour last night. my friends went to the shop but i didnt bc i wanted to stay in the cspe classroom and eat my lunch and maybe also read trollhunter fanfics, hard enough to find good ones involving a very cute and fluffy relationship between jim and walter. anyways we had to have a fake election in cspe, to try out ballot box voting, in first year for student council i tied with another girl for top votes. guess how many i got this time? yeah thats right a solid one, thinking about it makes me sad, does no one like me anymore??? but i laughed at the time even tho every1 looked back at me, it felt really dehumanising, the only way i deal with bad situations is by laughing and joking, and that situation made me feel a little shit.

made me also feel real great when aprciot turned back at me and said i put you 5, its like he constantly tries to talk to me and be my friend and when i ignore him he gets mad, its not great that i was standing beside granite today and apricot started pushing granite and while he did that his hand touched my tit. great. made me feel just great, it wasnt on purpose he wouldnt even try.. well he did say consent didnt matter today if it was me. he was obvi joking but considering he tried to sa someone before and this day a year ago, "mango" his friend and apples friend sent diorite a voice message saying apricot said he was gonna do a thing to her. idk im sorry i feel uncomfortable typing out the word rape. but yeah thats what he said apparently. doesnt make it better he could walk to her house and he knows where that is. but unfortunately it is what it is no matter how cruel it can be.

anyways, after cspe i fucking raced through the classroom to get to another because it had a door to the outside which was closer to the door to the other outside door to get to or religion classroom, we had a proper sound sub, she was rly nice and i thought she was a bitch because of her hairstyle but she really wasnt, AND I GOT MY FAVOURITE SEAT!!!! mission acomplished, my friend was happy bc i always run to get good seats and i actually did unlike last time where some people were unfortunately quicker.

idk if i mentioned this but i learned about shifting maybe early 2021 and it didnt really go anywhere, id tell you where i have planned out for me to go but it would be embarassing, i have one for the embarassing one and one for a library, filled with extensive knowledge and characters from shows i watch. anyways my body felt like it was floating last night, just like my first shifting attempt nearly 2 years ago now, i nearly did it but i chickened out, opened my eyes and couldnt ever do it again or get those symptoms. when i woke up at 4 in the morning i was half stuck in a dream, and was trying to do my tasks to meet my goal, i dont even remember what my tasks or goal was.

i skimmed the entirety of sex education, it was my first time watching it, it was pretty good, i really liked ruby she was definitely my favourite i also really loved roman but cmon ruby, she was so good also aimee. i redownloaded farmville2 so its time to relive my farmer life whoop whoop. ill do another blog post later. anyways goodbye have a good morning, good day and good night

[fuckthisshxt]

Honestly I'm really struggling. I guess that's normal and to be expected considering what exactly happened but esp considering I've been thru stuff like this multiple times since I was young my brain wants to just jump to "yeah okay that happened. life happens. now continue on and get on with life" which I feel like a shitty person even typing that out but if I don't write it or smthn (cause I have literally no one safe/appropriate to say it to) but I don't want to be a shitty person that doesn't care about stuff like this I do care so much but also im hyperaware of the fact that I have to be the stong person and try to step up as much as i can even tho im really struggling too. But like however much I'm struggling I have to hide it and try to find rare times during the day where I'm alone and the boys won't notice if I'm thinking about tough stuff to even attempt to let myself actually think in detail about what happened because I mean its his mom not mine she wasn't even legally my mil but i called her that cause thats basically what she was legal paper or not I helped care for her the past 3 years. I cut her hair and I helped her when she had shingles and I was always happy to try to use what little we had to make as good of each meal as I could for her and I tried often to ask her how she'd prefer stuff in the future and I always tried to make sure we had like gravy or something when dinner included smthn she would get choked on cause the gravy helped it not stick in her throat. And I know she loved when I was able to make her cobblers. She wasn't personally MY mom but she was a nice woman and I'm happy I met her and got to spend what time I could with her.

I don't have anyone that I can talk to about this. I don't have that kind of relationship with my mom or sister. I don't have any friends, not really. I can't talk to him about it cause 1) obv he's hurting way worse than me and 2) he doesn't want to talk about it and bringing it up only makes things worse and makes him start crying again.

She fell the same day I made a call trying to get in touch with a therapist to see about maybe trying once a month sessions. She seems to have her own business as a therapist and her voicemail said to leave a message and I did and she still hasn't called back. I desperately hope she does. From what I could find about her online, she's queer and seems really cool and I desperately need another adult human to speak to esp a professional who also understands being queer and all the struggles that come with it.

Idk I just needed to type a little bit of this stit out

[starlightkun]

HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE ADHD AS WELL?! I JUST STARTED RITALIN THIS MONTH HOLY SHIT

Its crazy finding out so many people I admire have adhd as well. A youtuber i watch (jessica kellgren fozard) also found out she had adhd recently and i also found out that park bom has it and ive always felt really connected and sympathetic of her struggles. I guess since our brains all function similarly, we probably found the way others with adhd talk and present themselves easier to understand and more relatable even if we had such different lives and interests. It makes me feel less alone and really protected knowing that there are successful and lovely people who have succeeded without sacrificing any of the traits in myself which I used to hate and instead outwardly projecting and celebrating it as part of them.

It makes me feel really hopeful for the future since ive been surrounded by so many really driven and successful people at school and was beating myself up for things that I didnt know was adhd.

p.s. im so happy that adderall is working so well for you, im starting at low doses of ritalin at the moment and was facing quite a bit of side effects which were quite tough but you being so happy with your results makes me more optimistic and excited about continuing this process.

-✨anon

omg i love jessica kellgren-fozard! and yeah, i was technically diagnosed w adhd in 2017 but my psychiatrist never actually told me or (allegedly) my mom. and my psychologist at the time looked me in the eyes and told me i dont have it. but i've been struggling a lot recently with just doing daily functioning tasks, and i've related to ppl w diagnosed adhd for so long i've always suspected i had it?? so i recently requested my medical records from my old adolescent psychiatrist and literally first session in 2017 she diagnosed me w adhd primarily inattentive type. and just didn't fucking tell me. so i finally got a new psychiatrist and he was like "oh yeah lol let's get u on some adderall rn wtf"

yesterday was just day 1 on the lowest adult dose tho and i am having some side effects (suppressed appetite, sleep disturbances) but they're pretty manageable imo. im used to a depressed appetite from another medication so i have strategies for nutrition like this, and hopefully that and the sleep will even out after a little while (even if they dont, it's worth it imo. like i simply cannot keep living like i have been. i had a cardboard box from an online order sitting on my living room floor for 5 months bc i just. couldnt pick it up for some reason. i didnt have the pick-up-the-cardboard-box button in my brain. for 5 months. but yesterday i threw that out and cleaned my whole kitchen easy peasy.)

i really hope you get your medication sorted out! i know the struggles of adjusting meds, and side effects, and switching, and the like (i think i've tried like 10? for my chronic migraines in 2 years) and ik it can rlly suck :// but i wish you the best!!! we've got this!

[sk3tch404]

OK I’LL GET WU CHANG THEN. SHOULD I GET FEMALE DANCER OR PRISONER AFTER THAT?? WHICH ONE⁉️ ALSO I’LL GET NAIAD AFTER GETTING THE REST SO YEAH!! Anyways I am thinking of saving up for the grey haired blue eyed guy cause uhh..simp y’know?! Also I agree about the skin tone part we barely have any dark skinned characters that are playable. The only one that comes to mind is Kaeya (sorry if I forgot an others) also! When the dendro archon was released MANY people were annoyed at the fact that she was WHITE A GHOST, SHE’S WHITER THAN KLEE AND DIONA!! From what I heard she’s based off a Buddhist poem about a very pale fairy who’s short and how you shouldn’t hudge someone’s height off their wisdom. Honestly I didn’t really mind that much that she was short and that pale, Mihoyo has done worst and also she’s like hundreds of years older than us so we can’t judge our elders 👵 and now I’m sad that I won’t get yoimiya, I’ll still pull for bennet tho he’s good to have so yeah!! I was scrolling through my YT and found a pretty funny/entertaining video, it’s gacha. Which I used to be a part of but drifted away from because I no longer played nor watched on so yeah!! Laugh at me 😭😭 please whenever gacha is mentioned you will get poked fun at 😤😭😭 Sorry for grammar errors but bye!! - ☁️

https://youtu.be/2ihjYIHx448 (the gacha video and the comments basically saying more about the archon)

UHHH GET PRISONER. HIS CONNECTION THING IS PRETTY EASY TO UNDERSTAND. ITS BASICALLY HOW MUCH OF UR CIPHER SPEED U WANT TO PUT INTO THAT OTHER CIPHER.

And are you talking about Photographer? Haha he's pretty easy to play too. Just have to find the survivors before they can finish the ciphers too quickly. He does half the damage that would've been in the real world when he's in the camera world. Chairing a surv in the camera world = downed. Find them quickly before they can get back up again!

Card trick is harder to understand, but you'll understand it with practice and time.

And yes he is veryyyyyyy fineeeeee (I was obsessed with him when I first entered the fandom)

I actually do have Bennet! Got his second constellation last night while trying to pull for Mona AGAIN. But it's okay ig since it's Benny boy 😊 He is nice support for my team and all, but uh, I still don't really understand his ultimate. I think it's maybe to heal ur teammates while also kinda damaging other enemies when you use it? Idrk lol

My sister had a gacha phase like 2-3 years ago. One of her really bad quality videos kinda got attention lol

It had like 63k views or smth. The comments were either telling her it wasn't good or it was incredibly amazing. But she deleted it now SO I GUESS THATS JUST TOO BAD 😭😭

And dw all interests are welcome on this blog! I love it when people share media that makes them happy! Just as long as it's not too weird or nsfw or something lol

Although I did laugh a little at the mention of Gacha Life hehe

[constablegoo]

STUDY : Odo.

— basics.

▸ is your muse tall / short / average ?   6′0″   (and described as tall)

▸ are they okay with their height ?   it’s one of the few things he has complete control over, so. yes.

▸ what’s their hair like ?   slicked back, sandy. the texture is only approximate to real hair. it’s in mimicry of the scientist who ‘raised’ him. it’s never out of place in the slightest, but if it is, something’s seriously wrong.

▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair / grooming ?   it takes about half a second to achieve his usual look -- but it wasn’t always that way. recreating hair is not easy but it’s straightforward, and so he’s spent a lot of time practicing it. he won’t often deviate, but if he does experiment, it’s usually because of someone else’s passing comment.

▸ does your muse care about their appearance / what others think ?   terribly. he’s both extremely self-conscious AND has an image to keep up, one he’s fabricated to appear more authoritative. at the same time, he’s not uncomfortable in his body -- just finely aware that he’s wearing an imperfect mask and that what lay beneath breeds hatred and fear. he’s extremely protective over who gets to see evidence of his natural state.

— preferences.

▸ indoors or outdoors ?  outdoors. but he’s spent most of his life inside. :/

▸ rain or sunshine ?  both, very strongly.

▸ forest or beach ?  he would loooooove to see both, some day.

▸ precious metals or gems ?  only in terms of an interest in their physical properties.

▸ flowers or perfumes ?  no sense of smell. :( but he does love to look at a flower!

▸ personality or appearance ?  hahah. personality. imagine the irony.

▸ being alone or being in a crowd ?   alone... just not isolated.

▸ order or anarchy ?  ORDER, babey. he sucks.

▸ painful truths or white lies ?  painful truths, GOD the painful truths. he’d far rather know, any day -- and he dishes them out, too.

▸ science or magic ?  science. he’s very much a detective.

▸ peace or conflict ?  peace. but he’s never really seen it.

▸ night or day ?  either.

▸ dusk or dawn ?  same.

▸ warmth or cold ?  warmth, although it’s more difficult to shapeshift.

▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends ?  a few close friends. he says for ages he doesn’t need anyone, but he’s a big sad liar.

▸ reading or playing a game ?  reading uwu

— questionnaire.

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits ?   oh boy. self-isolation, self-destruction... not asking for help when he needs it. taking matters into his own hands. and he’s P-E-T-T-Y, overly sensitive, fiercely independent, touchy. he’s short-tempered and grouchy and gnarly to be around a lot of the time -- and rarely happy. he’s cynical and sarcastic every chance he can get away with it, stubborn, haughty, condescending, and self-conscious to the point of pushing everyone away... yeah he’s got issues lmao and he perpetuates this deflective image out of a deep fear of rejection. but he’s also a little tsundere with a very soft heart. :P

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them ? how has it affected them ?   for the longest time, he hasn’t allowed himself to become close to anyone. he has, however, seen a lot of death and a lot of injustice, and it has informed his view of the universe. he also reacted so strongly to the threat of kira’s execution that it shook him out of a kind of hypnosis :’0

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has ?   there aren’t many lol. he had absolutely no childhood and grew up in the midst of decades-long social and political turmoil. but after the end of the occupation, he, like the rest of bajor, began to heal, and im sure the fondest memories of his life are with the family he finds aboard the same station that saw so much misery.

perhaps the only other early memories he has resembling something fond are of seeing wildlife while under mora’s care. :”)

▸ is it easy for your muse to kill ?   he won’t, as a rule. he does kill someone, but he won’t unless it’s accidental or the situation is extreme (wartime). even then, he won’t touch a weapon (he already is one). :)))

▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down ?   he,,,, literally melts...... dsfjglkfd he becomes a mess!! in spite of what he projects, he’s very emotional and very easily emotionally influenced, almost a little bit of a teenager. he can’t physically cry, but when super angry he WILL lash out and become surprisingly destructive. he’ll also shut down and/or lock himself away... he’s so miserable lmao and he actually doesn’t handle it all that well

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life ?   oh hell ye. for someone so chronically paranoid and kinda lone wolf, he works so well in a team afsgdjkdf

▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love ?   this goo... is the softest lover,,, ‘lover’ is kind of a lofty word i dont like to use but that’s what he is, a huge hopeless closet romantic. :/ he daydreams and get distracted ... he’s so dumb... he reads self-help books and shitty romance novels adgfhjs and he’ll pay EVERY cost to make sure his crush never knows, but it’ll still show in a thousand little ways,,, its so stpuid... it’s gentle... a little bit shy but earnest and certain..... it is intense, unwavering loyalty and devotion and attention, but it’s honest, too, grounded in the reality of the world and the fact that people are deeply flawed and corruptible.

he’s also so ??? perplexed by it all that one time he thinks a small disagreement means its over, and so he quietly and respectfully accepts it but doesnt think to ASK. oh you sweet summer slime ://///

tagged by:   @downpaths​ thank u!! :D

tagging:   @memoryfaded  /  @blossomingbeelzebug  /  @sailorvinus  /  @sadnessruns  /  @fasciinating​  /  &  anyone else who’d like to do this!! tag me and i’ll read it!  :^)

[yuukei-yikes]

Is kagepro an anime? I wanna get into the series but I don’t know where to start (and honestly all i know about it is the stuff that you post, shout out to that white hair malewife and black hair girlboss you always post about)

GOD OK UM SO kagepro is really one of those things that are. just messy.

this is my pinned, so i’m putting it under read more!

What is kagerou project, should i get into it, how do i get into it?........... let me tell you about it!

originally? it started as vocaloid series, as in a story told thrusongs, then it had a manga adaptation, anime and novels. they all vary a lil bit with consistency tho tell the same story. and that is because… each media represents a “route” the characters go through. yep. it’s a “time reset” kinda story! kagepro its what i like to call a clump story. just a bunch of stories put together. u take longer delving into each character's backstory rather than the actual main plot ig?? like, knowing everyone's backgrounds Builds the present story. it is difficult to explain 1 thing without explaining another and so on..

if you want to start somewhere I recommend listening to the songs in order, many have very cool music videos also the songs are VERY VERY GOOD.

the manga i recommend up until volume 4 chapter 18. after that it gets TOO confusing because it goes into a route thats only explored in this adaptation, while its kinda important if u REALLY wanna jump into the world of kagepro, it is VERY VERY confusing at first, like a LOT happens and differs significantly from the regular routes(and as an old fan i really was not into it that much but that’s aside the point) but the manga in the first 4 volumes at least puts the beginning more in perspective

and only then id recommend watching the anime cuz without all this the anime is VERY confusing lol the novels are good but theyre wholeass BOOKS yknow. there are 8 so it is not beginner friendly if u rly dont wanna tap into it lol even some seasoned fans haven't read them. that’s my casual kagepro fan guide. but.....

but if in the end u rly become interested and u end up reading them... hey, ur here already, and i know i told u not to finish the manga but if u just read 8 light novels i guess ur ok with reading 9 more volumes of manga!!!! and then... i’d watch the anime? because the anime, believe it or not, as shitty and as ugly as it is... possesses the GOOD ending. and bc u read 8 novels, 13 manga volumes and listened to like 5 song albums, u can watch and actually know what’s going on and u are very happy at the end bc after ALL THAT u get to see the good ending.

BY THE WAY AS FOR THE PLOT... as i said, a clump story. kagerou project isn't only difficult to understand when it comes to all its different medias, the story ITSELF is as convoluted as it comes! hurray! but the basics is, shintaro kisaragi is a shut in ever since his hs best friend ayano tateyama committed suicide. he goes out for the first time in 2 years and runs into some funny quirky people who might've been involved in ayano's life, who in return was involved in fun quirky sci-fi shit about..wow? superpowers?! maybe her suicide wasnt driven by depression but by....(SPOILER CUT)? or was it? join shintaros man angst as he learns about everything ayano left behind! you'll cry! its a REALLY sad story! with lovely characters such as:

kido kano and seto! ayano's little siblings! kido is the leader. of what? good question! kano is gay and hates shintaros guts. seto? he has jobs and better things to do. he likes dogs.

momo! shintaros little sister! she is.. a famous idol?! and... DEPRESSED?!

mary! token cute character who is...relevant to the plot!? and even...A PLOT POINT!?!

hibiya! a 12 year old who ended up here for some reason! also equally as important depending on the route, his best friend hiyori! dont worry about it. 

konoha! we dont know who this guy is. well. we do. but thats a spoiler so dont tell!!!!

and of course our lovely deuteragonist, ene!! the funny little AI living in shintaros phone who TOTALLY didnt use to be human and has a sob story of her own and totally isnt related to the mystery of konohas existence. kagepro!! call now!! ITS AWFUL IN HERE!