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#its been a LONG TIME since i had such a bad like...idk its not a panic attack buts its an emotional overload that like
matchandelure · 1 month
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i fear that the undercover top secret government assassins are growing on me (cp9)
#I HAD ZERO THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM AT FIRST#IN FACT I WAS DEVASTATED THAT THE WATER 7 QUARTET WERE ACTUALLY CP9#BUT THEN??????? I READ CP9'S INDEPENDENT REPORT AND. I!?!??!?@?!?#the thoughts are endless ive been having one piece dreams every night for the past few days and they have all been cp9 related the brainrot#is so bad. i am sodgjkadhg#i love one piece there are so many characters with each new arc i get to i get some new characters to obsess over i love it i feel so alive#ive been fighting tooth and nail avoiding spoilers for the latest episode BUT GOD IM SO SO TEMPTED TO. TAKE A PEEK#anyways last night i was once again doing a wiki deep dive and i found some silly things on cp9's pages#JABRA AND LUCCI ARE THE SAME HEIGHT!!!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY#CAN YOU IMAGINE?!?!?! the kid you've had beef with since he was 13 (maybe even earlier since lucci alreayd knew him when he was 6) who you#used to have a whole head over is now at eye level with you i would actually be so embarrased#KAKU IS FROM EAST BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS OS IMPORTANT ACTUALLY!! THE MOST IMPORATNT FACT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!#so he knows the strawhats are...also from the east blue right?!? right??????! and ik the wg steals these kids early on to train them so i#doubt he has lingering attachments to his home sea but i still think this so both so so sad and so important :'((#also not getting over how oda's depiction of tiny kaku has him holding a toy boat BC ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?! ARE YOU K IDDING ME#kalifa and jabra's favourite dishes are both lamb based!!!!!!!!! silly because her animal motif is a sheep haha#BUT ALSO considering how her father was also cp9 and she's probably been conditioned since birth to also follow his footsteps and how jabra#holds seniority in the current lineup id like to think that these two have known each other a very long time and there were influences#the most dysfunctional fcked up family ever. cp9#blueno and jabra are both from the north blue!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that one falshbakc we see that the two of them plus 6year old lucci trained#together but also it would be so fcked up if the two actually knew of each other before being roped into the governemnt#idk how the wg works do they just??? routinely scout around and pick up a bunch of kids ata time???? were jabra and blueno taken together??#also wondering if ... kalifa jabra and kumadori knew each other the longest as fellow agents or soemthing#i feel like im entertaining a gazillion thoughts all at once its so hard ot balance but we know both kalifa nad kumadori have#parents in the governemnt/assassin profession that also influenced them right#idk maybe one thing they can bond over#cp9 to me is just a fucked up family of some sort. they are not found family they are like some weird forged family where they were all#forced together and somehow made it work and they all love lucci and care for his wellbeing enough to raise all that money to get him to a#doctor and they cared about each other enough to get off enies lobby together without leaving anyone behind and they went cafe hopping and#shopping and bowling together and they all care for each other in their own way
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dashiellqvverty · 8 months
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i do think the amount of comparisons between black sails and ofmd - both favorable and unfavorable tbh - is a little out of hand lmao like even before the flint vs stede poll there was a lot of it and its like. they are completely different shows with completely different goals. i just saw someone call ofmd a "black sails ripoff" and honestly what the fuck are you talking about. is black sails a pirates of the caribbean ripoff?? is there only allowed to be one television show about pirates and everything else is a copy?? or is it just the fact that there are also gay characters in it? im just like there are PLENTY of real and good criticisms why does it always come back to this. let them exist separately
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universe of constant spinning, every end a new beginning
“So, do you have an umbrella? That was like, your thing, right? At Claw?”
Ah—not again! He can’t keep zoning out while talking to people—especially his boss.
But… why was Reigen still here? It was late and he always got to work early. It wasn’t his job to stay and coddle his employees. “I—uh—no,” he stuttered, fingers twisting anxiously. “Mine was, uh, "is” broken, sir.”
‘Broken’ was a mild way to put it. More like it got destroyed.
[or, reigen gives serizawa an umbrella]
☔️2,651 words | serirei☔️
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strangesickness · 3 months
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it has been so weird getting into live action film in the past little while because prior to late 2023 i was basically only into video games, comics, and cartoons (i have pretty bad face blindness so i can find it difficult to follow live action movies, especially if characters have similar hair or clothes. top gun maverick was a NIGHTMARE for me), and now i'm like? recognizing actors? it's kind of weird to think that when i'm my parents age kids aren't going to know who. chris evans or like. finn wolfhard are. and i'm going to do the exact same thing my parents always do like "what? you don't know who chris evans is? he's only captain america!" and the kid is going to be like... "why would i know who captain america is...? that movie came out before i was even born... no one cares about captain america these days gramps" and then i'll go to bingo or something and cry about it.
#but like. realizing i can just. recall some actors names???#like. i had a few moments where i was like “who played that guy” and i didn't even have to look up “[character name] actor"#i just knew???#which has been like. really weird#i am chronically uncaring about celebrities#i've just never taken an interest#it gets me similar looks to the ones i get when i say “i don't have tiktok”#people will show me a picture of a popular musician and even if its one i listen to i'm like... dude idk who that is#like if you're thinking of like “big celebrities” that EVERYONE knows? i probably do not. except like taylor swift and notable politicians#and jerry seinfeld#but that has more to do with my dad having like every episode of seinfeld memorized than it does anything else#posts afflicted with a strange sickness#this is about knives out btw#i just watched knives out for the first time since it came out and i recognized chris evans AND jaden martell#i also recognized daniel craig and katherine langford but i couldn't remember their names lol#one of the reasons i didn't enjoy watching live action films for a long time is that i have really bad face blindness#if a movie has more than one 20-40yr old attractive white guy in it who dress similarly i will be completely unable to tell them apart /srs#and this makes understanding the plot of a lot of movies incredibly difficult#all of this is to say i spent all of knives out convinced that michael shannon was woody harrelson but they don't even look alike tbh
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milkweedman · 2 years
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Things recently. That damn commission scarf is taking up almost all my time recently, but there is finally light at the end of the tunnel (im working on stripe 11 of 17, and promised to have it all done by the 14th... which means a little walkin around money for the fiber festival on the 15th >:) very excited).
Have been experimenting with the dutch oven, bc ive never used one and its very small. Liking the results though.
Also have been frequenting the farmer stall at the nursery down the street and got a few of the last of this years peaches, which resulted in two jars of very nice peach jam and a small jar of peach syrup, which my sister is gonna take for a chicken of the woods and waffles feast her friend is doing next week. Had some of the excess jam on some poppyseed bread toast and it was very good--light and tart and summery. The plan for this winter is lots of bread and jam and welsh cakes and barmbrack and pirozhkiy. Looking forward to it somewhat, altho i have a feeling its going to be a very cold winter this year. Also, not sure if i should plant the leeks right now so we can harvest some baby ones in the winter... my sister is obsessed with the idea of glamorgan sausages and it would be nice to try with leeks from the garden...
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1ovestay · 8 months
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i think its kind of comedic how bad my mental health is atm cuz theres literally no reason for it like girl can u grow up
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sensitivedead · 10 months
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#VENT IN TAGS#OH i love doing this#my feelings about my depression atm feel so weeird#im just mad#like its so annoying to have to keep picking myself back up lol#i wish i could just function and regulate myself better? im really bad at it#its like#i can do all this shit that helps me get out of all of the different this affect me#but its so easy for me to get lost in the depression and to not do that#like i forget that when im like literally just confused with my emotions and in a fog and i dont want to do things im interested in#and not able to fight this boredom i call it ive been out of therapy a long time idk therapy speak anymore but this lack of socal wtv#thing idk ANYWAYS but i KNOW things i can do to help myself to get out of that#i havent been lately and idk#im in a moment of clarity but trying to get back into#a routine since moving out i havent had one or the one ive had is like not good for me leading me to a bad state of self#i need to get back on vitamins and shit i might take gaba and htp 5 again and i know im deficient in like vitamin#b12 and vitamin d and magnesium but since i moved i havent reupped my supply lmao and its been over a year!! RIP i did this but#i dont have a great social life? i have strong family and a loving bf and close friend but a lot of its complicated and i struggle#communicating online (LOL THIS SUCKS NO? I CAN WORK ON IT IG BUT LIKEAAAA--) and i basically only wanna talk to people IRL but im home#constantly so i just have no one to talk to but im like a fucking old person annoyed that they live in a digital world#like I HATE THIS GRR THESE KIDS and the these kids are my parents and friends and shit like its completely a me issue but my brain is like#my brain feels useless s#my brain feels useless and like im unmedicated but also not on the suppliments i should be on and also doing things like#being up to date on news and specifically negative news and like focusing a lot of my energy on that for some gd reason like im aware ive#been into that but i am like#this is me being like ok rose im ready to go back to myself again#ye
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holytrickster · 1 year
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listen i dont like fëanor but i can't deny that getting so mad you literally burst into flames and crumble away into ash is kinda fucking relatable
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s1renidae · 8 months
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always fun hanging out with my much cooler and more interesting childhood friends and hearing about all the shit they're up to and then they ask me what's going on in my life and i have to be like uh. nothing tee hee :) still unemployed and not in school and practically hobbyless because of chronic fatigue and executive dysfunction :) still obtrusively mentally ill and for some reason cant stop talking about it even when i don't want to and i can tell youre sick of hearing about it :) and then it's awkward for a minute cuz neither of us know what to say mmmmm literally someone just shoot me already
#note i use the term “childhood friends” loosely bcuz theyre my friends from middle school when i was like 13/14/15#but i dont have any actual childhood friends bcuz no one from my actual childhood likes me. so :P#and like the thing is im being harsh on myself i know that!!! i draw and go to concerts and do volunteer work and rock climb sometimes#but the thing is i never think to say any of that one because they take up a very small amount of my time most of my days r just wasted awa#and two because they always ask after theyve talked about their lives which are. objectively way cooler or at least more successful#and then all i can think about how is how much i wish i was more like them </3 which has been true since we first met#so i guess i should be used to it but I'm not. it still hurts it hurts so bad#and the worst part is they both mean so so much to me even if we dont talk much and i know for a fact i don't mean the same to them#bcuz theyre the type of people who can. go places and do things and talk to people!!!! so theyve always had more options then me#but i always made friends so rarely and so fleetingly that im still holding onto those memories and onto them for dear life#idk long rant i wish i had more energy i wish i didnt struggle so much to make friends and find community i wish i had more to offer#i wish a lot of things that can just never happen#and i know its not fair to drag them into my self loathing like that and i know i can't hate myself into a version of myself i can love#but fuck man its so hard. why is everything so hard#.txt
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for realsies
#HELLO IM VENTING AGAIN IM SO SORRY#i am sick of everything the usual but i just need some fucking therapy and my diagnosises are taking too long because the system is shit#over here and i feel like i am a literal walking disaster a hazard to myself are my meds even working anymore idk? someone needs to lock me#in a fucking wardrobe before i loose my shit and do something stupid as fuck at least im self aware ok were growing this is called growth#wow ok amazing spectacular#like tonight ive decided i hate everyone again i want to quit uni actually might do it this time i just applied for a random job for no#reason i have a job but if i have 2 then i can over work myself to the max so i dont have to go into uni#i have three weeks off so now im cutting everyone off who knows how long this episode is gonna last for#i am loosing my god damn mind i do not want to do anything everything is so hard why is everyone so pressuring#i stopped doing some of my stupid habbits but now im just going full circle again so im thriving rn live love laugh am i right guys or what#AND WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A THERPAIST WHO CONTACTS ME ITS BEEN SINCE OCTOBER U FUCKING BITCH GO FUCK URSELF#anyway im in huge amounts of pain too idk what i do in my sleep or something but my shoulders hurt so bad#i hate wet tags on clothes when they stick to you throws up actually#i had stale fucking garlic bread today and i want to move out but if i move out then things will get worse for me#why cant i maintain a normal friendship without loosing my mind and hating everyone i mean no one knows my friends are pretty good with me#they understand but i dont know#ive come to the conclusion that i am just a shit
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cherrysnax · 1 year
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stress triggered chronic pain let’s goooo
#idk something feels wrong#I should probably go to the doctors but idk#part of me is like. if something is wrong idk wanna know#just let me die ignorantly yanno#but I don’t want to die#and I don’t want to be in pain#I’m scared of bad news but I’m also scared they’ll just say there’s nothing wrong with me#I still have unpaid hospital bills I don’t#I don’t want to waste anyone’s time#but I feel so bad#and I have been and I know Inhave chronic pain but I’m tired of hurting all the time#I want to take a run or something#I want to walk or something idk I just. feel so bad I don’t want to be in pain anymore#and it’d be different if I was like thin or somethin#I could kinda sorta get away with it then (not really) to be disabled ur already treated like shit but to be disabled and fat? then its like#ooooh you did this to ur self n its like I think my weight is a symptom not a cause#I matured very fast because of csa and idk I think I have a hormone problem which causes months long heavy periods amoung other things#I had body hair when I was like. 6 and I’ve always had aches and pains and nerve issues since I was a child#getting stomped on by other kids when I was only like..5? and having an adult bend my legs higher than they could go probably didn’t help#however that’s a long time ago. I just think that things never got the chance to heal right and if they did that’d be half of my pain gone#I need to go outside and idk get fucked or something. need to clear my head#we went out a few days ago and my body still hurts from it and I barely did anything -_- sitting down hurts walking hurts laying down hurts#swimming doesn’t hurt tho. I miss swimming
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brittapcrrys · 2 years
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Shoutout to me and my stupid fucking brain, the PMDD, the general longterm depression and anxiety, the heightened/worsened symptoms of those 2 bc of the annual trigger of my impending birthday, and my general inability to understand or comprehend or Be Normal in a conversation with loved ones. We really did it this time
(Ps I am and will continue to be safe and fine I just. Had a rough hour. Over nothing. And am feeling a bit shit about it buti will sleep and face it tomorrow xx)
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frostbite-the-bat · 7 days
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... My parents really for real are leaving the uncleaned, rotten potato juice and other misc unknown juice infested, LITERALLY FRUIT FLY LARVAE INFESTED, cupboards, in the bathroom,
For like the 4th day starting today if I am counting right
Sure just don't let me shower sure just let me get paranoid over the larvae sure make me not trust the bathtub for like a week sure let the place get more infested sure let it stink up the whole place SURE LEAVE THE FUCKING BATHROOM UNUSABLE
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be-good-to-bugs · 1 month
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i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa
#the bin#i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious#so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh.#i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad#im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20#more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long#and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful#i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed#and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what#else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option#i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed!#it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them#all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister#also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be.#i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul#fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh.#how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon#and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some#i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to#all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone#besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider#friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period#i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho.#i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past#8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me.#its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone#it will get better. it has to.
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biteapple · 11 months
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my lower half is on fire and my provider is thinking its testosterone caused and potentially cause im intersex. ive experienced this before t but not as bad
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jamesbukkakebarnes · 1 year
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#i had the worst fucking nightmare yesterday when i took a nap and i havent slept since 😣#it technically wasnt all bad but it was one of those lucid dream situations and ive been groggy ever since (but cant! fuckigng sleep!)#and then i was studying but i think im getting burnt out bc i cant fucking concentrate bc im so fucking stupid and i#keep getting practice questions wrong and my test is in TWO WEEKS and i know NOTHING even tho ive been studying for so long#i feel so hopeless like i genuinely think im gonna fail and that scares the shit out of me bc what the FUCK am i gonna do then#that shit would be so embarrassing like that will just confirm what i already know that im a dumbass piece of shit loser 😭#like i lowkey broke down a few hours ago bc i genuinely think im just plain fucking stupid! like Not Smart like fucking can barely read#like one question will take me like two minutes bc i have to read that shit two or three times to process whatever the fuck its saying#thats so fucking embarrassing i feel like a fucking failure lmao#and the thing is im trying my best im just dumb as a brick fr#like how tf u study over five hours a day and still on some 56% bullshit 😭#and everyone is saying im gonna pass bc i study so much but!! i get almost half the questions WRONG that is NOT a good sign#no but fr if i fail idk whats gonna happen i dont think i'll get kicked out but i know everyone's gonna be mad at me#and im gonna be in a dark place for a while and i'll have no one to blame but myself#just like the last time i failed at something#ignore me#i just needed to vent
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