#its been two years since its conception and its still as attractive to me as it was back then

[arnold-layne]

ive been pretty consistently keeping stats on my wordcount throughout the year and i can't wait to share it with you at the end of it

[accio-victuuri]

an analysis : Xiao Zhan + The Moon & Sixpence 🌖

as usual with xzs videos like the one just released, you can make an entire thesis into the possible meanings of every chapter and frame. add it’s relation to xz and if you’re a pro, go deep into the techniques they used in shooting and editing. this one tho is centered around the theme of “the moon and sixpence” which is a book xz recommended before. I saw a few articles linking this to the elements on the vlog and so i looked into it.

i have lightly talked about some elements from the vlog yesterday but focused more on the quotes that appeared and the music chosen.

it’s been years since he mentioned this book and he didn’t even say that it’s his all-time-favorite. for example, the van gogh elements, we expect that already to be a recurring theme. as well as the moon, but this one has another connection to it. i am honestly curious where his headspace is at, and why, in this specific point in time he felt so close to the message of that book or some parts of it.

let me start with a synopsis and the book is available on googlebooks if you wanna try it out like i did. 🔖

with the plot alone, you can get a sense of why he would like it. at the time he read it, he was not yet the superstar xiao zhan that we know now. and this is why i guess he related to it more now. especially the sacrifices he has to make for the path he has chosen. this was evident in his GQ cover story interview where he compares himself to his other friends and how they have normal lives. the books is written in the first person POV of narrator who is looking into the stockbroker turned artist Charles Strickland. you get to see the thoughts of the narrator and how he views the main character of his story. the way i see it, the narrator is “Xiao Zhan the person” and how he sees “Xiao Zhan the public personality”. this concept of two sides to him was opened up in his esquire cover story and i can’t help but think it relates to this story.

i will be heavily quoting passages from the book that attracted me and i personally thought relates to xz. this is my personal interpretation only.

The greatness of Charles Strickland was authentic. It may be that you do not like his art, but at all events you can hardly refuse it the tribute of your interest. He disturbs and arrests.

the story starts of with this line and well isn’t this one way to describe xiao zhan? he has always been described as authentic and the “real deal” as far as idols and actors go. not many people are expected to like him or be part of his fan club and chase him — however, one thing is clear: he disturbs and arrests. his popularity is something that is unheard of and many artist and companies try to replicate. he is a disturbance to the norm in c-ent and why he is a constant target. it’s his biggest asset and liability. something like MFW and stepping out of his home is also expected to attract all kinds of attention. He is aware of that.

“His faults are accepted as the necessary complement to his merits. It is still possible to discuss his place in art, and the adulation of his admirers is perhaps no less capricious than the disparagement of his detractors; but one thing can never be doubtful, and that is that he had genius. To my mind the most interesting thing in art is the personality of the artist; and if that is singular, I am willing to excuse a thousand faults.”

this is in the POV of the narrator, describing the artist he is writing a book about, Charles Strickland. the message of this quote is similar to the one i mentioned above. xz is not perfect and people, specifically his fans should accept that. it’s what makes him more real. through his wins and losses, he is still xiao zhan.

“It is a salutary discipline to consider the vast number of books that are written, the fair hopes with which their authors see them published, and the fate which awaits them. What chance is there that any book will make its way among that multitude? And the successful books are but the successes of a season. Heaven knows what pains the author has been at, what bitter experiences he has endured and what heartache suffered, to give some chance reader a few hours’ relaxation or to while away the tedium of a journey. And if I may judge from the reviews, many of these books are well and carefully written; much thought has gone to their composition; to some even has been given the anxious labour of a lifetime. The moral I draw is that the writer should seek his reward in the pleasure of his work and in release from the burden of his thoughts; and, indifferent to aught else, care nothing for praise or censure, failure or success.”

this next passage makes me think of the projects he has done and what it must feel like for him. there are a lot of dramas/movies that come out every year and what we repeatedly hear from xz is that he only wishes to bring good works. something people will enjoy and appreciate— never mind the popularity that comes with it. he just finished filming a big project LOCH which i can only imagine is so stressful to him. and now is working on another historical drama.

he is someone who immerses himself in the character and once it’s done, it must be a huge weight off his shoulder. like what is said — seek reward in the pleasure of work and in release from the burden of his thoughts.

“Then, what in God’s name have you left her for?’

‘I want to paint.’

I looked at him for quite a long time. I did not understand. I thought he was mad. It must be remembered that I was very young, and I looked upon him as a middle-aged man. I forgot everything but my own amazement.

‘But you’re forty.’

‘That’s what made me think it was high time to begin.’

i think this one is pretty self explanatory, how he started in the entertainment circle a little bit later in his life. compared to his peers. but the answer was simple to him as it was with Strickland, in his case, “i want to sing.”

‘I tell you I’ve got to paint. I can’t help myself. When a man falls into the water it doesn’t matter how he swims, well or badly: he’s got to get out or else he’ll drown.”

this message seems similar to the one quoted on the vlog about about the rivers and small streams. in this one, it emphasizes how one should not be afraid to take the small step of “swimming badly” in hopes that someday they will wade the waters more efficiently.

“But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had no hold on him; he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled; you could not get a grip on him”

If there was something in this book the describes XZ so perfectly — it is this one. I think he is not devoid of over thinking about what people say or being a people pleaser. but in recent times, i am seeing a change in him and how he is more calm. a freedom in the way he speaks, the truths he is no longer holding back. he is not afraid to be different anymore.

which led to that GUCCI outfit. LOL! 🤣🤣🤣

‘Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn’t go on.’

‘That’s a damned silly thing to say. Everyone doesn’t want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly content to do the ordinary thing.”

so true. a great majority wouldn’t and couldn’t do what he does. just looking at the chapters in the vlog, from going to a distant place and dealing with the MGW chaos. after that, being only afforded a small time to decompress and sit. to enjoy the sunset. that’s what his life is.

“I don’t pretend to be a great painter’, he said. ‘I’m not a Michael Angelo, no, but I have something. I sell. I bring romance into the homes of all sorts of people. Do you know, they buy my pictures not only in Holland, but in Norway and Sweden and Denmark? It’s mostly merchants who buy them, and rich tradesmen. You can’t imagine what the winters are like in those countries, so long and dark and cold. They like to think that Italy is like my pictures. That’s what they expect. That’s what I expected Italy to be before I came here.”

i would guess this is how he sees his work. he never claimed to be the best, you can see that with how he always mentions wanting to be better. he wants to give the people a positive view of life. which i can clearly see from the vlogs even, makes you wanna go where he visited.

“A man’s work reveals him. In social intercourse he gives you the surface that he wishes the world to accept, and you can only gain a true knowledge of him by inferences from little actions, of which he is unconscious, and from fleeting expressions, which cross his face unknown to him. Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.”

another one that i think describes xz. his little actions that we see reveal his true self —- the gentle, funny and dorky xiao zhan which is a contrast to the character he sometimes has to portray. it’s when we talk about his duality, the way he was posing and “game face on” for GUCCI but when he did the interview you can see the dorky xiao zhan 😂

there are times that xiao zhan merges some of the qualities of his celebrity side and i think it’s perfectly person. it is a huge part of his life, and the way i see it, his experiences only make him a better person.

“I have an idea that some men are born out of their due place. Accident has cast them amid certain surroundings, but they have always a nostalgia for a home they know not. They are strangers in their birthplace, and the leafy lanes they have known from childhood or the populous streets in which they have played, remain but a place of passage.

They may spend their whole lives aliens among their kindred and remain aloof among the only scenes they have ever known.

Perhaps it is this sense of strangeness that sends men far and wide in the search for something permanent, to which they may attach themselves. Perhaps some deep-rooted atavism urges the wanderer back to lands which his ancestors left in the dim beginnings of history.

Sometimes a man hits upon a place to which he mysteriously feels that he belongs.

Here is the home he sought, and he will settle amid scenes that he has never seen before, among men he has never known, as though they were familiar to him from his birth.

Here at last he finds rest.”

read that again. it’s a lovely way to put into words what i imagine is something that not only xz goes through. we know what kind of environment and country he lives in, i’m not trying to get political but you get the point. being a celebrity or public personality like him is vastly different from how it is with the rest of the world. i have always admired how he handles it all with grace, how he he willingly accepts the responsibility and burden of being who he is. and that’s why i was also surprised by his answer when asked about a parallel world and he answers about a superpower where he can make it possible to have no disputes in the world. being in that place, with lots of people around, from different parts of the world probably made him think more about this topic. aside from eating pizza and being his usual beautiful self, he was thinking about some serious issues too.

chapter 1 was about going to a distant place but not really, there was something in that place and experience that feels like a home he longs for.

alternate explanation, this can also mean him living his life as a graphic designer, and then spreading his wings into a different industry — being the place he has sought. but considering the time this was released and where he is now at life, i’m thinking it’s more of the former.

so busy yearning for the moon that he never saw the sixpence at his feet. 🪙

this imagery at the end of the vlog + the coin he holds + the quote fits so well together. the way i see it, XZ is doing both. he appreciates the moon, he looks up to it but he doesn’t miss to see and hold the sixpence. it’s why he is holding on to it, in some, it was even rolling on it’s own towards him. and it’s not just the proverbial sixpence. he is seeing and appreciating his surroundings —- the egg he ate, laundry, bike etc.

as a fan, this is actually comforting to me. the book itself is not the happiest, which makes sense cause xz prefers melodramatic to downright tragic stories. but it shows a realistic view of what some goes through to pursue their dreams. it’s not as glamorous as what we see on tv or the internet. but the end of the vlog, shows that xz is keeping a balance. he is not just busy looking up at the moon— he is also living his life.

-END.

I first knew about the connection of the vlog to the book via 辉夜姬不叽 and i got hooked into writing something about it and reading the source material. i also liked @resonancewitness interpretation of the vlog, particularly the lines in starry starry night.

[absolutebl]

Hi there! I've just returned from a two-week holiday (as I'm writing this I'm actually still driving back home, but I want to get on top of it lmao), so I would like to defer to your knowledge:

could you pretty please provide me with an update on what series ended/started while I was away? I have a vague idea, but I don't want to miss out on the things that didn't get as much promo and are therefore not on my mdl.

if you can, my watchlist will be forever thankful!!

July Report: BL that Stopped & Started & Is worth Your time

Ended July 2023

Step By Step

This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one.

This was an office romance between stern boss and sweet subordinate that felt more authentic to an office environment than previous Thai BLs of this ilk. And that authenticity added tension to the narrative and character development (how novel). Now that might be because it has western source material, or it might be because it is actually kind of old-fashioned (it’s been years since I worked as an office grunt). I also really enjoyed the brothers’ relationship, and kinda wished they hadn’t attempted (and failed) to give said brother his own side BL. That one flaw made it a 9/10 for me.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

La Pluie

This BL takes to task the fated mates trope and what it means to have love chained intimately to predestination. It’s about how faith in destiny before choice diminishes the authenticity of emotion, relationships, and connection. This is a high concept to examine through the lens of a BL.

By activating + examining the soulmates trope this show is challenging a foundation of romance: the idea that there is one person meant to be your one romantic partner all your life. This means that we, as viewers, spend much of the show worried about it having a happy ending, and that’s the source of both its brilliance and tension: would the narrative have the strength to truly challenge its own romantic core? But, ultimately, all this elevated complexity was executed in a somewhat shaky manner with the narrative derailing into some serious pacing issues and characters manipulated by miscommunication.

However, with good chemistry and decent acting all around, plus some excellent high heat and representation of consent and a few other rare tropes, this one has to (like it’s sibling show My Ride) earn a 9/10. I enjoyed it even as it made me think, so despite its flaws:

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Started July 2023 & Looking GOOD

Jun & Jun

Korea Thurs Viki 8 eps

THANK YOU BL GODS. It is so good. Like everything I want in the world. I’m incandescently happy with this show.

It’s office set,

it’s an ex idol,

everyone is pretty as peaches,

and it’s all about remembering somebody’s smell!

I could not be more delighted.

Laws of Attraction

Thai Sat iQIYI 8 eps

(Icky picked it up but they are serving it in a complicated way that may require a VPN.)

Stars the pair from To Sir With Love with the same production team. IT’S SO GOOD. A morally corrupted trickster lawyer with a tragic past, sad eyes, and a beautiful smile that he uses like a weapon. Meets paladin martial arts instructor from other side of the tracks (who is out, at least to his baby sister).

Corrupt police.

Spoiled rich kid evil.

Ambitious politician.

Tragic death.

Terrible subs.*

This show is very like Manner of Death but so far it is a much better/tighter story (there's a Devil Judge aura happening). It’s NOT BL but it is fucking phenomenal. And you should watch it. Not wait to binge it. WATCH IT.

On a global scale this might be the best thing currently airing featuring gay romantic leads. Its really fucking good. It’s Lawless Lawyer but more complex character motivation and gay af. Fuck yes please and thank you. FINALLY.

Triggers for violence, beatings, death & torture depicted on screen. Like MoD they are not holding back. 

(* A lot of the familial names they are using are not gendered in Thai but translated as such, like “nephew”. This one is gonna go down a lot easier if you know some Thai.)

ALSO:

Stay By My Side - Taiwan Fri Gaga 10 eps

Hidden Agenda that isn’t hidden - Thailand Sun GMMTV YouTube 12 eps

Low Frequency - Thailand Sat iQIYI 8 eps

Started But You Can Probably Wait IMHO

Dinosaur Love (Sun iQIYI)

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki)

Wedding Plan (Weds YT & iQIYI) it's mame so A trash watch is happening! 

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga)

Hope this is what you wanted.

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie: Do you still believe in soulmates?

Earlier I was chatting with @sliceduplife about this week’s La Pluie and how the show has been layering in the subversion of the soulmate concept, and they reminded me that this is literally the last screen of the show’s teaser trailer:

Which kind of blew my mind a little. Because it confirmed for me that this show was being open about its intention to interrogate the idea of soulmates right from the start. They’ve never been particularly subtle about it. It’s been right in front of us all along, but given how trained we all are as a bl/romance audience to have certain expectations tied to romance conventions, this intentional subversion of the soulmate trope seems to have caused some confusion. And thus, I was compelled to do a rundown documenting how the show has used the context around our characters to guide our understanding of this theme. I’ve talked about some of this in other posts but please indulge me as I organize my scattered thoughts into one coherent piece. Shouts also to @wen-kexing-apologist and @bengiyo for reading this over for me and making sure I didn’t miss anything (over to WKA for the body language analysis).

Let’s start at the start. In the very first episode, Saengtai tells us plainly in his opening voiceover that no one knows why some people have hearing loss or why some of them start hearing another person after they turn 20, and that the idea that this is a soulmate connection is a social construct that most choose to believe. So right off the bat, the show is telling us the soulmate idea is not necessarily true and inviting us to question the lore.

Then within this same episode we are introduced to two couples involving people with hearing loss: Tai’s parents, who are hearing loss soulmates that are divorcing, and the couple in the cafe, one of whom has hearing loss, and one who does not. One example of a soulmate pair that is ending their romantic relationship permanently, and one example of a person with hearing loss who has chosen to be with someone who is not their soulmate. Interestingly, the show did not and has not since countered these examples by including even a single happy soulmate couple in the story for Tai and Patts to see as an example.

The show then built on this by giving us direct commentary about the skeptical point of view via Lomfon. He (and presumably, plenty of others) believes that the hearing loss connection is a scientific phenomenon and the soulmate idea is just a romantic notion with no basis in reality. He believes that people should not be expected to enter romantic relationships with their hearing loss partners, and that choice is what matters most. Again, we are being explicitly invited to question the lore and encouraged to doubt. 

As we got into the romance between Tai and Patts, the show took basically every opportunity to undermine the idea that they should be together because they are fated soulmates, and instead emphasized over and over again that their individual choice and feelings are what matter most:

Tai is not interested in meeting his soulmate at all. In fact, he actively avoids it and leaves poor Patts on read for two entire years. Had they not happened to meet in the real world, Tai likely still would never have spoken to him.

Patts meets Tai in the wild, is immediately attracted to him, and begins pursuing him all without knowing they are soulmates. This is crucial for establishing that it was not the hearing loss connection that brought them together, nor is it the hearing loss connection that serves as the basis for their relationship. It was the genuine attraction Patts felt for Tai that got their relationship started. Patts says explicitly that he wants to “defy his destiny” after meeting Tai.

Tai becomes interested in Patts only after meeting him in real life. Because he’s a hot, kind, generous animal doctor who Tai is attracted to, not because he is the person he hears when it rains. 

In the early stages of their relationship, Tai struggles to trust Patts after overhearing some things out of context that he misunderstood. The hearing loss connection actually creates distance between them rather than bringing them closer together.

Patts and Tai have their first date before their soulmate connection is acknowledged between them. We saw that they were vibing and getting to know each other without that connection being part of the equation, and in fact, that connection was the thing causing Tai to hold back. Once Patts knows that, he understands what’s been going on with Tai and after one very emotional drunken kiss, gives him space to process - literally, he physically removes himself and leaves a note. The revelation, once again, causes distance between them rather than bringing them together.

Once it’s out in the open, because of their hearing loss connection, Tai and Patts experience immense pressure from their loved ones to get together immediately. This hinders more than helps them, as it raises the stakes on their relationship right out of the gate and makes Tai anxious and Patts cautious.

Nara is introduced to the narrative in order to show us that Patts actually had a love before Tai, and one that he was genuinely happy with. There is a universe where Patts could have gotten back together with her and lived quite well. Had he not run into Tai in the real world, that’s probably the universe he’d be living in.

As they get to know each other and their attraction grows, Tai is actively in distress about Patts being his soulmate because he is so devastated about what happened with his parents and he fears they will end up the same way. Moving past his fear about this is the biggest obstacle to their romance. 

Don’t think I didn’t notice that during the crucial few episodes when Tai and Patts started seeing each other and getting to know each other properly, it didn’t rain once. From the time Patts took Tai out on a date and they got drenched (and didn’t even use their connection because they were together) until Tai wandered up the mountain, we were in a rain free zone. All of that crucial relationship development, all of that trust-building, every moment of the time we saw them actually falling in love, happened entirely without the involvement of the hearing loss connection. 

Tai and Patts finally affirm their love and decide to be together after directly discussing their doubts and uncertainty about the soulmate connection, mutually declaring that their feelings are real even if the soulmate bond is not, and committing to be with each other regardless. What matters is they really love each other.

Throughout this entire series of events spread over a few months, Tai’s only hesitation about this relationship is that he doesn’t want to get involved with his soulmate. Because if they weren’t soulmates? They would just be two single dudes who met, sparked, and immediately started dating. But because they are connected by hearing loss, it’s all way more complicated than that, and they had overcome a lot of internal struggle to be together. 

The show has now introduced Lomfon’s hearing loss, which does not seem to be following the rules of the soulmate construct as we know them. We are clearly not done interrogating the concept of soulmates; the show has more yet to say and we know that Lomfon is going to end up in a romantic relationship with Tien, not either of the people he can hear when it rains.

So. Do you still believe in soulmates?

[crispycreambacon]

I thought I'd share the sketch of this poster/book cover as well as my initial concepts! You can click the "Read More" button for more in-depth explanations on my design process.

Thhis is all for my latest fanfiction, Snip Snip, so if you'd like to check that out, then...

Now let's crack in!

For the release of "Snip Snip", I actually had several different directions in mind! One was a comic of one of the scenes from the fanfic—specifically the one where the Professor breaks down in front of Kate and Joyce with the line "I don't like being a woman"—and the other was a series of doodles showing the Professor's transition. Unfortunately, both directions met dead ends as I couldn't find the motivation to do either. The most progress I made were these sketches.

If you're wondering, "The first one looks familiar..." that's because I reused that pose for my first promo art! It was too good of a pose. I couldn't waste it :P

But anyways, after a period of getting extremely frustrated over the lack of progress, I realized my main problem: I was biting off more than I could chew. I didn't know this at the time, but I was dealing with burnout from school assignments that made drawing more ambitious ideas like the ones I had very difficult. Hence, I had to scale it down. It made me think, "Why not do something like a movie poster or a book cover?"

That's how the sketches at the top of the post came to be! I consulted a friend of mine over which pose to choose, and he picked the third one which I understand why so. The obscuring of the Professor's face not only made it cool, but it adds symbolism in how we don't really see his true identity—the real him—until his transition. Here's the first sketch!

As you can see, the title is on the top left corner! However, I moved it to the bottom for two reasons

It's advice I learnt while looking up how to make movie posters since moving the title to the bottom tends to bring more focus to the illustration above.

I couldn't find a font that fits! And the idea of doing typography again (especially after the Keep Yourself Safe poster...) was really not what I signed up for.

But then it left the problem of the top corner looking empty. It was too distracting! So what did I fill it in with? The subtitle: This is their story. The composition is now more balanced, and also the subtitle tickles me.

As I said before, I looked up movie posters for this! Special thanks to the Nashville Film Institute and Muse by Clio for their articles that guided me during this poster making process. I will say though I got really sidetracked watching Filmmaker IQ's The History of the Hollywood Movie Poster 😭 It's really interesting, I'd recommend watching it!

One thing I learnt is that movie posters limit their colour palettes. Of course, this is good advice for art in general, but movie posters emphasize on its colour usage to attract the audience with their simple yet bold schemes. It is a piece of advertisement after all! Following their footsteps, I limited my colours to the primary colours (red, yellow, blue) and purple to make the scissors pop and allude to the nonbinary flag colour scheme.

And from there, it was just a matter of experimenting with rendering! I wanted a mix of pop art and storybook illustrations, so I mixed lineart with lineless, and I wanted to retain the energy of the sketch while still polishing it, so I cleaned the sketch, merged it with the colours, and painted on top of it rather than make a separate lineart layer.

Overall, I'm extremly proud of the end result! The struggle of figuring out the promo art for this fic has been tormenting me since the beginning of the year, so I'm glad to bring it to an end. Thank you for reading my ramblings! I hope you learnt something or at least had fun? Either way, have a good day!!

[i-am-baechu]

Title: Sweet Melody 

Genre: Idol! Jungkook, Idol! reader, girl group! reader, established relationship! au, infidelity! au, childhood friends to lovers! au, breakup! au, smut, and angst

Summary:  Love is the greatest feeling a person can feel but it can also destroy you as fast as you can say I love you. Y/N L/N has been in love with Jeon Jungkook since she was fifteen and they’ve been together ever since. Being in the same industry, she had a better understanding of how busy one can be and never put it against him. It wasn’t until he shockingly broke up with her and the next week he was seen with a mystery girl. Her group decides to write a new song for an award show and Y/N knows exactly what the song will be about or who to be exact.

Warnings: Cheating, fighting, physical violence (slapping and punching), blood, hospital, self doubt, insecurities, flashbacks, fluff, angst, and sex scene

Part of Little Mix’s Mixtape series!

“As the maknae of the group, Y/N, where do you see yourself in the future?” 

Y/N was brought back to reality and she gave the interviewer a small smile. She leaned forward looking at her leader, Yujin, for some confidence. The older girl gave her a small smile and a nod making Y/N feel somewhat at ease. She was never good at interviews. She looked back at the interviewer and pushed some hair behind her ear,“I want to see Eden doing our best and being together forever because I love them so much. They raised me.” 

He gave her a smile and shook his head, “I’m talking about personal life. How about in ten years?” 

Her eyes widened and looked down at her fingers with a shy smile and then looked back up, “I would be thirty-four…I would like to be married and have at least one child. That’s the dream but honestly I can only truly see myself with Eden. Singing is my life and I think it will continue to be with me. Ten and twenty years down the road, singing will always be my future.” 

He nodded at this and turned towards another member as Y/N continued to stare at her fingers, tuning out the conversation around her. Ten years…in ten years she hoped Jungkook and her were married and living the life that they always talked about. Living in a house near the beach with a garden in front, a big backyard for Bam and a baby on her hip looking into the waves while Jungkook has his arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. This was the future she always imagined and discussed with him, the perfect ending. 

L/N Y/N and Jeon Jungkook have been together for nine years. Ever since they were fifteen, Y/N knew Jungkook was the love of her life. He’s her first and last love. The two met at an audition, Y/N saw him dancing and he heard her singing with the most angelic voice he has ever heard. Even though they were shy, they still found a way to get together. It was like something was pulling them together and who was she to ignore the obvious attraction.

“That’s all the time we have, thank you so much Eden for being here with us. We can’t wait for your next mini album, any hints?”

Katie gave the camera a small smirk, “Mature. That’s all you get!~” 

Y/N glanced at her members with a big smile as she waved goodbye at the camera. Being the only introvert in the group had its hardships but she wouldn’t change it, she loved how things were. She bowed at the host and the group walked off into their dressing rooms to gather their things and leave. EDEN is a girl group under Willow Entertainment and they are the current Rookie of the year. The group consist of four girls, Kim Yujin; the leader and oldest, Lee Katie; the main vocalist, Lee Seoyeon; the main dancer and Y/N L/N; the golden maknae. The group had the highest sales for a girl group debut and their first comeback broke more records. 

EDEN was different from other girl groups because they were all in their twenties when they debuted. Their concept was mature and it was something no one saw coming. Their debut song Think About Us became a huge hit in Korea but also in the west which surprised everyone because they were rookies. They made it to the top five on the billboards with their single and it caused people to pay attention to them. 

Y/N grabbed her purse when she felt Seoyeon’s arm around her shoulders giggling to herself, “Neh, when the interviewer asked about your future was Jungkook in it?” 

Y/N’s face turned red and pushed her arm off of her and hid her face with her purse, “Yeah...leave me alone.” 

“Awww, Y/N, that's so cute. You guys have been together since forever, that's crazy to think. When are you guys going to get married?” 

“Seoyeon! Leave Y/N alone!”

Y/N glanced at Yujin who had her hands on her waist giving Seoyeon a dirty look. Seoyeon let out a sigh and nodded her head, “You never let me do anything...”

Y/N watched Seoyeon go towards her bag while Yujin went up to her with a smile, “You did really good out there, Y/N.”

“Thank you, unnie. I hope Jungkook sees it...”

Yujin sighed and wrapped her arm around her shoulder as the younger girl stared down at the floor, “Did you guys get in another fight?” 

“I wouldn’t say fight...he got mad because I asked him how his day was. He said I should know he's busy because a comeback is near for him. I walked away and I haven’t heard from him since.” 

“That’s not good...mmm...Do you want to stay with us in the dorm? Maybe separation is good for you guys.”

Y/N looked up at Yujin who was giving a soft smile, she nodded her head, “Yeah that sounds good. I need to go home and get some clothes though.” 

“That’s fine, I’ll take you there.” 

“Thank you...I’ll make some dinner and leave it out on the table. It’s a quick dinner, is that okay?”

“Whatever you want, Y/N.” 

The night before, Jungkook got mad at her. She couldn’t understand the anger towards her when all she wanted to know was if he was okay. Jungkook had the tendency of overworking himself and there’s been a couple of times that Y/N had to help pick him up from the ground because he fainted. She loved him with all her heart and she knew how important singing was to him but his health should be important as well. She slept in the guest room that night as she listened to him singing in the recording studio. 

Y/N was cooking dinner that night and it was all of Jungkook’s favorites. She finished the last dish and set it on the table with a proud smile. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and took out her phone to see that Jimin messaged her.

“Hey, Jungkook’s coming home. We forced him to go home early because of how tired he was. Take care of him, thank you always.” 

She frowned at the message and sighed to herself. She knew something was wrong with him that morning because he didn’t even wash his face or kiss her goodbye. She sat at the table and waited for him because she was scared to see how he’s going to react. She heard the front door close and the silence in the house sent a nervous shiver down her spine. She stayed seated as her heart beat consumed her thoughts. 

She glanced up when she saw a mop of black hair and by instinct she jumped up, forgetting the fear she had, “Jungkook! How was your day?”

He let out an irritated laugh and side glanced at her, “I’ve been busy, working unlike you.”

She furrowed her eyebrows at this but shook her head, understanding that he's been stressed lately, “I know you’ve been busy which is why I cooked you this big meal.”

He scoffed at this and tossed his bag on the couch and he stood in the doorway of the kitchen with his arms crossed, “what would you know? You barely have been doing this for a week, don’t act all high and mighty.”

“What? Jungkook, I just want you to unwind.” 

“How can I? You act like you understand when you're just a rookie. Good job you got some celebrities from America to notice you, what do you want a gold star? You don’t understand the busy schedule that I have and you never will. You will never be where I am. ” 

She stood there staring at him with a blank expression. She shook her head and grabbed her phone from the table. She walked past him and she made sure to hit her shoulder with his and walked into the guest room, locking the door behind her. 

She stared outside as the streetlights blinded her when she finally left her thoughts. She turned around to see Yujin singing a random song on the radio, making her smile. All the members left for the dorm while Yujin drove her to her house. All the members gave her confidence but deep down she knew she would always go back to him, no matter what. She knew he never meant to hurt her because he was evil. It was just a stupid fight and he was stressed. Not an excuse but she knew it wasn’t him. 

They drove into her parking lot and she stared at the house with a blank expression. She swallowed her spit and looked down at her fingers as she started to pick the skin around her thumb. Yujin saw this and placed her hand on top of hers and gave her a small smile, “Hey, it's going to be okay. I don’t see his car, which means he's not here, that should make you feel better.” 

“Jin, texted me that Jungkook was doing better today. That makes me feel better in a way. I’ll be back okay.”

“Okay.”

Y/N got out of the car and headed inside feeling Yujin’s eyes on her back the whole time. She walked in and the smell of Jungkook hit her nose as she stood there with a frown. She quickly shook her head and headed into the kitchen to quickly cook something for him. She made grilled pork and rice, thinking that was enough because honestly, she didn’t have the energy to cook more. She walked into their bedroom and jumped in the doorway when she saw Jungkook sleeping. It looked like he just jumped into bed because he was still in his practice clothes and shoes. She frowned at this because it was clear to her that he was tired but she couldn’t cave into him. 

She slowly walked to her dresser to pack some clothes when she heard her name in that soft voice that she loved, “Y/N? What are you doing?”

She stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around to face Jungkook who was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. She continued to stare at him and shook her head. She turned back around to continue to go through her clothes, ignoring the sounds of the bed indicating he was moving towards her. She felt his hand and warmth on her shoulder but she couldn’t turn her head to look at him. 

“What are you doing?”

She sighed to herself and turned her head slightly but she still wasn’t fully looking at him, “I’m staying at the dorms.” 

“What? Y/N, babe. Please don’t, the guys talked to me about it and I realized how wrong I was. I didn’t want to text you because I wanted to say it to your face. I’m sorry for yesterday, I should’ve never said what I said because your doing such a good job at this and fuck, I���m sorry for bringing you down like that.”

She dropped her shirt and turned around to face him to see that his face was sincere, “Jungkook...You can’t get stressed and then take it out on me. It’s not fair.”

“Fuck, I know. Y/N, I’m sorry.” 

He got up from the bed and rushed to her side and pushed her head to his chest. She took a deep breath and his scent made her heart beat faster. She nuzzled into his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. They hugged tightly for a couple of minutes and he was the first one to let go to look at her, “Y/N, I’m sorry. Please stay...”

“Okay, let me tell Yujin. She's in the driveway.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

She gave him a soft smile and a small nod. She got up from the floor and headed towards the door but before she could leave, she turned around to face him. He was giving her a small smile and that soft look that he always gave her. It was for her eyes only. She walked out feeling lighter than she did entering the house. 

Yujin rolled down her window with her eyebrow raised when she saw the lack of bags, “What's going on?”

Y/N gave her a sheepish look and rubbed the back of her head as she leaned against her car door, “Jungkook apologized to me and I think we're going to talk about it. He looked very sincere...”

Yujin nodded her head and let out a deep sigh, “Do you think it's the right decision? You guys have been fighting a lot in general...maybe a night away could help you guys.”

“I’m going to stay with him...I mean I snap at him when I’m stressed. This isn’t normal for him, it has been a long year for him.”

“If you think it’s the right thing to do then I’ll support you. I’ll text you when I get to the dorms and please don’t hesitate to text me if something happens, okay?”

Y/N gave her a nervous smile and nodded her head, “Unnie, you don’t need to worry. Everything is going to be okay.” 

Yujin nodded her head at her and gave her a thumbs up, “Alright, bye. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.” 

“Okay...bye.”  

She stood there waving at the older girl who was giving her a small smile but her eyes told her something else. Her dark blue car was out of her sight and she stood there hugging herself as the cold caressed her arms. Did she make the right decision? 

She sighed to herself and turned around to see Jungkook standing by the doorway with a blanket in his hand. He slowly walked up to her and wrapped the pink blanket around her, making her heart flutter. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she nuzzled into his chest. He smiled at this and kissed the top of her head, “I’m sorry Y/N. You don’t deserve to be talked to like that even if I was stressed. It doesn’t make it okay.” 

“Let's just sleep for now.”

The young couple walked slowly into their home with the tension still lingering but it wasn’t the main focus anymore. They laid in bed with her head on his chest and his arms around her waist, he was going to make it better no matter what.

“Babe, your mom called.”

Y/N looked away from her mirror and stared at Jungkook with wide eyes, “Where’s my phone?”

“In the living room.”

It’s been a week since Jungkook apologized and things were slowly going back to normal. She wouldn’t let him get off that easy because he wouldn’t learn anything. He was sleeping in the guest room by her request because she didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with him in the same bed. This morning was different. Y/N was on edge all morning waiting to hear from her mother because she was finally getting the open heart surgery that she desperately needed. Jungkook tried his best to be supportive but also respect her boundaries. 

She rushed to the living room and picked her phone up with a frown. She took a deep breath and dialed the number while Jungkook watched from the kitchen, “Dad?”

“Hey, sweetie...”

“Is everything okay? You didn’t call me yesterday.” 

“I know. It's been busy, very busy. Mommy had a complication with the surgery and she's recovering well now.”

Her eyes widened at this and glanced at Jungkook who saw the small tears forming in her eyes, “What was the complication?” 

“She bled more than they thought she would but she's recovering nicely now. I’m just waiting for her to wake up.” 

“Is George there?” 

“Your brother just left to take a shower. He’s been here since yesterday morning.” 

She sat on the couch rubbing her forehead trying to stop herself from crying, “I’m sorry I can’t be there.”

“Nonsense, without you, we wouldn’t be able to do this.” 

“Daddy, I still feel bad I can’t be there for you and George. I’ll visit later this week.”

“Whenever you have time, sweetie. I love you, bye.”

“I love you, bye.” 

Y/N stared at her phone with a blank expression and closed her eyes trying her best to calm herself down. She felt the cushion next to her sunk in but she didn’t bother to open her eyes. Jungkook wrapped his arm around her shoulders and brought her into him. He kissed the top of her head and she nuzzled into his neck. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Moms going to be okay…she bled out more than they thought but she’s going to be okay.”

He kissed the top of her head again and rubbed her arm gently, “That’s good isn’t it.”

“It’s good but…I still feel uneasy about everything.”

“I understand that but you have to think positive. Your mom is going to be healthy.”

“I know.”

He removed his arm and rubbed her thigh gently making her look up at him making him smile down, “Can I take you out for dinner?”

“I thought you needed to re-record something…”

“It doesn’t matter, I need to be with you.”

She smiled at this and intertwined her fingers with his, “Okay.” 

The two walked to Jungkook’s car as he held her hand tightly, not wanting to let go. He opened her door and helped her get in the car. Before he closed the door, he leaned down and kissed her forehead gently making her smile. The drive to the restaurant was filled with soft classical music and small talk between the two. Even though there was tension between the two, she needed him tonight. She can push aside the fight and pay attention to feeling better. 

He opened the door and she glanced at the restaurant and her face flushed when she saw it, “This is where we had our first date…” 

“I thought somewhere we knew could give you comfort.”

She smiled at this and nodded her head. They intertwined their fingers and entered the small ramen shop like how they did all those years ago. 

It was Y/N’s sixteenth birthday and Jungkook asked her out. This was the first time she was having dinner with someone other than her family for her birthday. She was excited but nervous. She stood in her room and looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a simple pink dress with a small bow around her waist. Her mom helped pick at the dress and it made her love it even more. 

“Is that boy going to treat you right?”

Y/N let out a small laugh and turned around to look at her older brother, George, “Georgie, we’ve been together for almost a year.”

“Yeah but this is the first date you're going on with him.”

She sighed and shook her head at him, “Georgie, he's been busy with training and this is the first time he got a break.”

“Fine, I’ll accept it because you look really happy right now and that's all I want for you.” 

She smiled at him and walked up to him giving him a small hug. He returned the hug and kissed her forehead, “Do you want me to drive you to the restaurant?”

“Can you? Dad said he didn’t want to see Jungkook because he was going to cry.”

“Yeah, that sounds like dad. Alright get into my car.”

She ran to the car while George smiled at her. The drive there was fast and most of the time George was giving her rules for the night. Y/N only nodded her head towards her brother as she listened to the soft music in the background. When the car stopped, she stared outside the window with wide eyes and the nerves turned into excitement. She saw Jungkook standing outside with a bouquet of flowers and he kept messing with his hair. She laughed to herself and opened the door, “I’ll see you later.“

“Remember what-“

She shut the door and walked towards him with a wide grin as he gave her a nervous look. Each step she took, the nerves were slowly making their way to her heart and she started to sweat a bit. When she stood in front of him, she took a deep breath and waved gently at him. He nervously brought the flowers up to her and she happily accepted it, “I know you really like baby's-breath…I wish I could get you a better bouquet.”

She shook her head as she looked at the flowers with a gentle look, “No, I love them, thank you.”

He gave her a wide grin showing off his dimples as he scratched the back of his neck, “My hyungs told me about this place so I thought…I thought it would be good. I know we’ve been dating for a year and I haven’t been able to take you out and I’m sorry about that. I hope you like-“

“Neh, Jungkook. As long as I’m with you, I will love it.” 

Jungkook’s face turned red and nodded his head at this, “Yeah…same.”

Jungkook pulled out her chair and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, making her giggle. He sat across from her and he admired her face as she looked at the menu. She glanced at him with a raised eyebrow, “Is there something wrong?“

“Just you being so beautiful.”

Her cheeks turned red at this as she shook her head at his comment. She pulled the menu upwards, heading her face towards him, “I’m thinking of just a simple ramen…what about you?”

“I’m just going to get the spicy ramen I always get. I guess the real question is, what are you getting for dessert?”

“I kinda want pudding…you know like what we had on our first date.”

He smiled at this and grabbed her hand from across the table and gave her a smile, “Y/N, I’m so happy that your mom is going to be okay. I knew it from the beginning.”

She rubbed his knuckles with her thumb as she glanced down at his tattoos, “You were always there when I got any new updates to make me feel better...Jungkook, I love you.”

His eyes widened at the sudden confession but it quickly changed into a smile. He leaned forward, giving her a quick peck on the lips. She smiled shyly at this and took a sip of her water ignoring his bunny smile. After dinner, Jungkook drove her to the Han river to spend more time with her and to confess something.

He placed a blanket on the ground, an area that was secluded from everyone. She sat down on the red blanket and gave him a small smile, “You planned this didn’t you.”

“Maybe I did.”

He gave her a smirk and sat next to her as she put her head on his shoulder. He placed his hand on top of hers and sighed to himself, making her look up at him, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah...Y/N, no matter what happens in the future...just know I love you. I love you so much, okay?”

She moved her head away and stared at him with a confused look, “Jungkook, I love you too...is everything okay?”

He gave her a tight smile and nodded his head, “There's a project I’m working on and it's been really stressful trying to complete it. It’s going to require me flying out more to LA...I just don’t want us to fall apart.”

She gave him a sympathetic look and leaned forward giving him a kiss on his cheek, “I understand. We won’t fall apart because we're stronger than other relationships. Nine years going on ten, we can get through anything.”

He nodded his head and took a deep breath at what she said, “Forever and always?”

“Forever.” 

“So the title track will be Sweet Melody, we're still figuring out the lyrics. We thought it would be fun to continue the theme of relationships and the breaking point. If you guys have any ideas for lyrics just come to us, okay?”

Yujin bowed her head and other members followed suit, “Thank you Mr. Kim, we’ll figure out some lyrics.” 

He gave them one last smile and left them alone in the meeting room. Y/N took a sip of her tea as Katie glanced at her with a jealous look, “Another break up song and Y/N hasn’t even experienced a break up in her life. It’s not fair.”

“Katie-unnie, don’t be jealous of something you can never experience.” 

Yujin let out a laugh as Y/N shook her head at this, “Unnie, it's okay. I watch a lot of dramas and read a lot of books, don’t worry. I’m trying my best to get with the concept.” 

“Yah! That doesn’t help me.” 

Y/N let out a small laugh and felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and pure excitement came to her face. She quickly brought her phone up to see that Jungkook was home. It's been a month and Jungkook has been leaving for LA just like he said but it's honestly more than Y/N expected. It was four days in the week and every time he came home he would either have sex with her or give her something expensive. Last time it was a promise ring that had more diamonds than a promise ring should have. All she wanted was to go out on dates but he didn’t want to leave the house because he was so tired. She understood but it did make her sad. 

I’m home, what are you wearing?

She stared at her phone with a frown and she realized what he wanted from her. She sighed and looked at her leader with a smile, “Can I go to the bathroom?”

Yujin raised her eyebrow but nodded her head, “Okay, don’t be too long.”

She gave another smile and walked out without saying another word feeling annoyed but happy she got to spend time with her busy boyfriend. She entered the private bathroom and facetimed him with a fake expression on her face.

“Hey, babe.”

Hearing his voice made her feel butterflies in her stomach and all the annoyance was gone, “Hey, how was your trip?” 

 “It went well, you know. I think I’m almost done with everything. So, no more going to LA.”

Y/N smiled at this and set the phone on the sink and sat on the toilet, “Really? Are you ever going to tell me what this project is?” 

“One day but...what are you wearing?”

She frowned at this and shook her head, “We were having a conversation, Jungkook.” 

“I just want to know what you're wearing. Is that a crime?” 

“It’s not but I just want to spend time with you...you know, have conversations and go out instead of being inside all day and night.”

He sighed on the other side and ran his fingers through his hair, “I know baby but I just want to stay home until this project is done. Okay?” 

She nodded her head at this and looked at the wall with a frown, “Fine.”

“Now can I see what you're wearing?” 

She shook her head and stood up to show her whole outfit. It was just some shorts and a white t-shirt, nothing special but Jungkook thought otherwise, “You look really good baby.”

Her cheeks turned a light shade of red as she sat back down on the toilet and rolled her eyes, “It's a simple outfit, nothing special.”

“I think everything you wear is special, Y/N. You're the most beautiful girl I have ever met.”

She smiled at this and looked down at her lap for a quick second before looking back at him. He was biting his lip looking at her and she felt shivers down her back. She knew that look, “I have a meeting with the girls…”

“How long are you going to be?”

“Maybe an hour…sorry we’re talking about lyrics.”

“Are you coming home afterwards or going to the dorms?”

She saw the pleading look and heart beat faster, “I’ll be coming home.”

“Okay, I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you more, bye.”

She watched her screen turn back to her home screen and she sighed to herself. All she wanted was to spend time with him, not have sex with him. It was a weird thing to complain about especially how everyone wanted him. She just wanted to have dinner and cuddle but that can wait, she’s very patient. Especially with Jungkook. 

She left the bathroom and went back into the meeting room to see Yujin looking at her with a concerned look, “Y/N, Namjoon texted me and said he wants to talk to you. Is everything okay with you and Jungkook?”

She gave her a confused look and raised her eyebrow, “Everything is fine, why would Joon need to talk to me? That’s weird.”

“I’m sure it’s for nothing, hurry and get it done so we can go back to this meeting. Okay?”

“Okay, unnie.” 

Y/N walked out to the patio area and called Namjoon like she was told to do, “Hey, Joon. What’s up?”

“Hey I was just wondering if you're free next week? The guys want to have lunch with you.” 

“Oh let me tell Jung-“

“Without Jungkook.”

She stood there in silence. She was stunned at the seriousness in his voice but nodded her head, “Okay, I’ll come alone. Is everything okay?”

“We just want to talk to you about something. Is that okay?”

“Yeah of course. We can have it this weekend, Jungkook will be flying to LA again. The house will be to myself.”

“He’s flying this weekend? Okay…hey Y/N can I ask you something?”

She looked at her feet with an anxious look and let out a small sigh, “Yeah, anything.”

“Has Jungkook been acting weird for a while?”

“Umm, not really. I mean he’s been flying out more and has been talking to me less because he’s busy. Other than that, no, why?”

“It’s just…we found something out yesterday and we want to tell you something. It’s about Jungkook’s project.”

“Oh…okay. Should I be worried?”

He signed on the line and she heard some shuffling but couldn’t tell what it was, “No…we love you and we’re here if you need us, okay?”

“Okay. I have a meeting. Bye, love you.”

“Love you too.”

She looked around the small garden with a confused look. What did the guys have to tell her? It’s probably just a song or an album. Maybe it was Jungkook’s solo album, she’s been waiting for that for awhile. She walked back into the office and shrugged her shoulders at the girls, “He just wanted to have lunch.”

Katie nodded her head and glanced at Yujin with a worried look, “He’s the leader, should we be worried that he wants to talk to you?” 

She shook her head and sat in a chair across from Seoyeon, who handed her a piece of paper and pen, “No it’s with all the guys. I haven’t seen them in awhile, I miss them.”

“Oh, that’s nice.”

“Yeah, he said Jungkook couldn’t come through. That was weird.”  

Seoyeon and Katie looked at each other and then glanced back at Y/N, “Is that a bad thing?”

“Ummm…not sure. The last time it happened they told me they were taking a break.”

“Okay, let’s get back to the lyrics so we can all go home early or somewhat early. Okay!”

“Okay!” 

An hour long of discussion of lyrics, Y/N was finally heading home. She took her hair out of her ponytail and let her hair rest against her shoulders. She leaned against her seat and let out a deep sigh before starting her car. She's excited to see Jungkook after not seeing or touching him in almost a week now. She missed him so much that she didn’t care how they spent time at this point. She was upset but it quickly dissolved as time passed in the meeting, she just wanted to be near him at this point. 

The drive was fast with Bts playing in her car. Singing at her boyfriend's parts made her feel shy because she imagined him singing them with all of his passion. She parked her car next to his and quickly made her way to the front door. She opened the door and her mouth dropped at the sight before her. There were rose petals all over the ground and candles making their way to their bedroom. She covered her mouth as a gasp left her mouth and when she did she heard something fall from the kitchen, “Y/N! I’m not done making dinner!”

Jungkook ran out into the living room rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous manner. She glanced at him and saw that he was wearing her apron, making her smile, “You were making dinner?” 

“I wanted to make you dinner because I know how stressed you were. I know I haven’t had the energy to go out and I’m sorry about that. I thought making dinner could say sorry...I’m trying my best to finish this project-”

She walked towards him not letting him finish his sentence as she leaned forward giving him a quick peck. She leaned away and smiled at him, “Thank you...but I’m not feeling hungry for food.”

He raised his eyebrow and gave a smirk, “Oh, you're hungry for something else? Interesting.” 

He took off the apron and tossed it towards the couch. He picked her up, making her let out a yelp at the sudden action. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned forward giving him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled down at her but focused on walking to the room. He gently put her on the bed and looked down at her with a smile, “You know, I love you so much.”

“And I love you, Jungkoo. I missed you.”

“I missed you so much but the project is going to be over soon and I’ll be able to be with you.” 

She smiled at this and leaned up giving him a deep kiss. He returned the kiss with more passion, making her moan in the kiss. When he pulled away, he pushed some hair behind her hair giving her a shy smile, “Fuck, you’re the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.” 

At some point, his other hand started to stroke her upper arm gently before slipping off her sweater. He looked down at her and his eyes widened, “You were braless ?” 

“I-I was wearing a thick sweater. I thought it was fine.”

“No, no, its fine but fuck it caught me off guard.” 

His finger gently squeezed her nipple making her back arched a bit and a loud moan left her lips, “Kook, please.” 

“Please what?”

“I just want to feel you, I missed you so much.”

He smiled at this and leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, “Okay, do you want it fast and rough or slow and gentle?” 

“I...Ireallywantitrough.”

“Babe, you need to say it slowly.”

She sighed and looked away from his smirking face, “I want it rough.”

He nodded his head and quickly unbuttoned her shorts and ripped them off with her underwear. He looked up at her to see her giving him a nod and he knew what she wanted, “K-Kook, please, Ah!” 

She gasped as she lifted her head and looked down between her legs to see Jungkook licking her at a fast pace, something she wasn’t mentally prepared for, “So wet baby. Haven’t even done anything to you yet.” He took his mouth away and slipped his middle finger inside of her making her moan loudly, “You want me to make you come or should I wait?”

“Kook, please.”

He stopped moving his finger and looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “Please what.” She let out an irritated sigh and tried to move her hip down to create movement but Jungkook gripped her waist to stop her moving, “I need to hear it, Y/N.” 

She shook her head out of impatience and felt sweat going down her breast. She tried moving her hip again but he held her tighter and she sighed, “Kook, I need it.”

“Need what?”

“F-Fuck, Kook please make me come.” 

As soon as he heard those words, he set his mouth back on to her clit, this time he was rougher with his licks and sucks, “Kook~!” She moaned and she let her head fall back on to the bed as she felt her orgasm coming fast, faster than usual. She felt her body shaking from him but when she felt his teeth grazing her clit, she let everything out. Her back arched off of the bed and a loud moan left her throat. He let out a chuckle against her when he felt her hands gripping his hair to pull him away when it felt too much. 

“That was the faster you come, mmm, baby have you been needy all day?”

She took a deep breath and nodded her head, “I-I guess was. I-I didn’t think I was.” 

“You think you can take more, baby?”

She glanced down at his jeans and noticed the bulge that only made her hornier, “Yes.”

In record speed, Jungkook took off his jeans and boxers, giving her a smile, “You know what to do baby.”

She nodded her head and lifted herself up, turning over so that her chest was pressed against the bed and her face was pushed down into the pillow. They did this position so much because Y/N didn’t know how to be quiet, she wanted Jungkook to know how much she loved him. Jungkook wanted to try out a new thing in the bedroom one time and wanted to see if Y/N could keep quiet or at least not screaming her lungs out like how she usually did. 

He gazed down at her and he felt himself get harder (if that was possible) at how wet she was. He shuffled forward and gently touched her back, “Baby, I’m going to enter, okay.”

She tapped the bed twice letting him know she heard him. He nodded his head to himself and took a deep breathe, grabbing the base of his cock before slowly entering her, “F-Fuck Y/N.”

“Kook~.”

She felt drool go down her chin as she continued to bite down the pillowcase as hard as she could. He looked down and saw this, “Fuck, Y/N, you’re so hot and you don’t even try.”

She let out a whimper and let go of the pillowcase to look over her shoulder. Both of his hands on her waist, his tattoos on full display with sweat dripping down, his bottom lip caught in between his teeth with his lip piercing shining with the candle light around them and his sweaty hair pushed back showing off his forehead with his eyes closed. He felt her stare and opened them, giving her a soft smile, “Hi baby.”

She let out a small giggle and she lifted herself up the best she could, putting her back against his chest., “Hi baby.”

He kissed her cheek and then moved down to her neck leaving open mouth kisses, making her moan loudly. The way she was sitting up, it gave him a new angle and she felt him deeper inside her. Something she loved feeling. He moved back to kiss her cheek and pushed some hair behind her hair, “You doing okay baby?”

“I-I’m doing-doing great.” 

“Okay, get them wet for me, okay baby?” 

She looked down to see Jungkook moving his pointer and middle finger up to her lips. She nodded her head at his command and did what she was told. She opened her mouth allowing him to slip them inside as she began to suck on them. After a few seconds, he pulled them out and trailed down her body slowly making goosebumps appear. His finger settled on her clit and her body immediately jumped at the pressure and he kissed her neck, “You're doing so good, baby. So good.”

“Kook~! I want to come again, ple-please.”

“I love it when you say please to me, my baby is always so innocent but she knows how to be slut.” 

“Y-your slut.”

“Forever and always.”

With how deep he was thrusting and her first orgasm, she knew she was going to come but this one felt different. She felt like it was going to be more than usual, “K-Kook, I think I-I’m going to come.”

“It's okay baby, you can come. I can feel you clenching around me.” 

“P-pull out. It feels weird, I don’t know. I-It feels like a lot is going to come out...”

Jungkook kissed her cheek and knew what was going to happen, “Just let it happen baby, trust me. Just relax.”

She nodded her head and he kissed her cheek. He continued to thrust into her as she harshly bit her lip. She moaned loudly when she felt wetness begin to pour out of her, while Jungkook groaned at the feeling, “Kook!!~~” 

“Fuck Y/N, didn’t know you can squirt.” 

She squealed when she felt more leaking out as he continued to thrust into her, “O-Oh my god.”

“Fuck, Y/N, I love you so much.” 

Jungkook kissed her neck as his cum flooded into her and he held her close to his body as she let deep breathes. He didn't want her to fall over and felt her whole body shaking still, “Baby you're okay?”

“B-bed.” 

He nodded his head and pulled out of her making her moan and more liquid came out. He gently put her on the bed as he put her hair in a ponytail, “Do you need water?” 

“N-No, I need you.”  

He nodded his head and carefully pulled the blankets over them as he cuddled her, “Baby, you need to go to the bathroom.” 

“I-I can’t Kook.” 

“Do you want me to carry you?” 

“That-that’s embarrassing.” 

Jungkook scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Y/N, you threw up on me when we were thirteen and you saw me shit myself, this is fine.”

“Fine.”

He carefully picked her up and moved to the bathroom slowly, “Are you okay?”

“I feel better, just tired.”

He nodded his head and gently set her on the toilet as she looked up at him with a loving smile, “I love you so much, Jeon Jungkook.”

He gulped at this and looked down at the tile floor before looking at her, “I love you, L/N Y/N...forever and always.”

The next morning, she woke up to see Jungkook had already left. She raised her eyebrow at this and walked downstairs in his shirt to see him sitting on the couch with a serious look on his face. She looked at him with a confused look and whispered out to him, “Jungkook is everything okay?”

He sighed and turned towards her and her eyes widened. He was crying but she wasn’t sure why. She moved quickly to his side and grabbed his hands, “Kook, are you okay! Oh my god, your crying-“

“We need to break up.” 

Her face dropped and she stared at him with pure shock, “Wh-what? Jungkook stop pla-”

“I’m not playing. We need to break up, it’s…it’s too much for me right now and I don’t want to bring you down.”

She stood up but she didn’t move as she stared at him with shock still, “What the fuck are you talking about? You could never bring me down, Jungkook, stop this now.” He stood up and he tried to grab her hand but she turned away from him, “You can’t be serious, Jungkook… I don’t believe you.”

He sighed and looked away from her, “It will be better this way and I think you know this.”

“Don’t tell me what I know. What the hell is the cause of this?”

“I don’t have time for you.”

She let out a forced laugh and shook her head as a single tear fell down her face, “I’ve been patient with you, for ten years. Jungkook I waited for you everyday and night. Why now? Wh-what did I do?” 

“You did nothing. It was all me, Y/N.”

She nodded her head and looked down at the tile floor. She watched a tear hit the floor as she sniffled, “You're just going to end it like this. I—I have no words.” 

“Y/N-“

She shook her head as she covered her mouth as she let out a sob. She ripped the shirt she had on off of her body as she ran upstairs. She slammed the door and locked it when she heard footsteps behind her. A pound in the door caused her to fall on the floor. Her knees to her chest, “Y/N, I-“

“LEAVE ME ALONE!”

She wiped  her face harshly and looked at the bedroom with a blank stare. She saw all the pictures of them smiling on the wall and she glared at this. She stood up as she heard Jungkook yelling her name on the other side of the door but she didn’t care. She picked up the picture frame and looked at it, “Ten years…ten fucking years, AHHH!”

She threw the frame down and watched the broken glass go all over the carpet. She let out another scream as she grabbed another frame, throwing it down but twice as hard, “I gave you everything. TEN YEARS AND YOU JUST ENDED IT LIKE THAT. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!”

She grabbed another picture and she tossed it at the wall and she looked at the glass. She fell onto the floor and she started crying, “Did you even love me?” She let out a deep sob as she brought her hands to her face as sobbed into them. Not caring that Jungkook is pleading to come in. 

“It’s too much for you? I waited months when you were on tour because I loved you…I watched all your fans thirst for you and never once did I complain. I…what happened? You can’t even tell me that…what makes it worse is I am still in love with you.”

Another pound happened and she turned her head towards the door with tears running down her face, “Y/N…I love you…that’s why I’m doing this.” 

She shook her head and looked down to see the glass somehow cut her feet and legs. She saw blood drip down but she didn’t move to clean it up. She closed her eyes and looked up at the ceiling, “I should be the one that said this was too much but I never did because I never gave up. Ten years….I..you're the worst person, Jungkook.” 

“Y/N, no matter what I will always come back to you.”

She scoffed at this and shook her head against the bed, “Do-Don’t say that…don’t give me hope. My first love just broke me…what a joke.”  

She got up from the floor and walked into the bathroom. She turned on the shower, not bothering to check the temperature and went in. She sat on the floor as she watched her blood and tears mixed with the water. She looked up at the ceiling as she started to sob again. Jungkook was her first love and she thought her last but now she’s here crying in the shower. She pushed her knees to her chest as she continued to cry, at least the water could comfort her. 

“Hey, you guys come in early. I made most of your favorites but I stopped.”

She laughed as she opened the door wide for the members to come in. Seokjin entered first and gave her a tight hug as she returned it, “Oppa, you saw me last night. You're acting like you haven’t seen me in years..” 

“I can’t hug my favorite person.”

She gave him a gentle smile as she hugged the rest of the members but for some reason these hugs felt different. Each of them hugged tightly, even Yoongi. Something was wrong but she didn’t know what. She shook off the feeling and entered the dinner room with the rest of them. 

It’s been two days since Jungkook broke up with her and the first person she thought of calling was Namjoon. She cried to him and she even threw up from crying so much but he was there. He let her stay at one of his apartments that he had and of course, he didn’t tell Jungkook where she was. The rest of the guys have been supportive and they would stop by to check on her. Sometimes every hour to make sure she was okay. 

She sat next to Jimin and Hoseok as she gave them all a small smile, “Sorry I didn’t respond in the group chat this morning. I had a phone call meeting with Yujin about the lyrics for our new song, sorry.”

Taehyung shook his head and took a sip of his water, “No, no it’s okay. We understand Y/N. We’re so proud of you, writing lyrics isn’t easy.”

Her face turned red and Jimin placed his hand over hers giving her a smile, “We’re proud of anything you do, no matter what.”

The rest of the guys nodded their heads and she clapped her hands out of excitement, “You guys are going to make me cry. Let’s eat.” 

She made everyone’s plates and she looked so happy, as did everyone except for Yoongi. She tilted her head at him as she sat back in her seat with food, “Neh, Yoongi, is everything okay? You look out of it.” 

He sighed and dropped his fork on the plate. He ran his fingers through his hair as he looked back at her with a gentle look, “I can’t wait any longer, Y/N. Jungkook cheated on you and got the girl pregnant. That’s why he’s been going to LA, that was his project.”

Her mouth dropped at this and she stared at him with pure shock, “Wh-what?” 

“Yay, hyung we promised after dinner we would say something.”

Yoongi turned towards Taehyung and shook his head, “I couldn’t pretend when I’m so pissed at Jungkook for hurting basically my sister.”

“When did you guys find out?”

They all turned towards her to see small tears forming and this broke her heart. They didn’t want to see her cry anymore but she needed the truth, “We found out on Thursday.” 

She turned towards Namjoon and her eyes widened, “Is that why you called me?“ 

He nodded his head and looked down at the table before glancing back at her, “Yes…we think he picked up on us knowing and that’s why he broke up with you.” 

She continued to stare at him when she felt more tears coming down her face. She got up from the chair to get some air but she didn’t make it far because she fell to the ground. Her eyes slowly closed and the only thing she heard was muffled panicked voices. 

“Jungkook, you can’t just say things like that.”

She rolled her eyes as she sat on the swing next to Jungkook. They just finished their date and he suggested going to the park to end the night. He looked at her and smiled, “What I’m being serious, Y/N. I want to have three kids with you. 

“Jungkook, we’ve been together for four years, shouldn’t you ask me to marry you first?”

“I thought that was obvious. I want to marry you and have kids, you're the only person for me, Y/N.”

She smiled at this and leaned towards him giving him a quick peck on the cheek making his eyes widen. He looked back at her with a smile, “Can we go somewhere?”

She tilted her head and nodded her head, “Is it far from here? You have to go back to the dorms soon.”

“It's near and I think you will like it.”

He got up and grabbed her hand gently, making her heart flutter. The two walked away from the park and the street lights shined against their skins. Y/N was too busy looking at Jungkook to realize where they were and when he stopped she almost walked into his back. She turned her head to see a church. She raised her eyebrow and looked at him, “Why are we in front of a church, kook?” 

He looked down at her with a shy look, “This is the church I want to marry you in one day.”

Her face turned red and looked back at the church, “Jungkook, this is beautiful.” 

“I saw it last month and I keep picturing us getting married here. You with your wedding dress and hair all done pretty, it's been on my mind. When I make it big, we’ll have the biggest wedding and it will be everything you ever wanted.”

He leaned down and kissed her forehead as she hugged his waist. She nuzzled her head into his chest as he returned the hug, “I love you Jungkook.”

“I love you Y/N.” 

She opened her eyes to see the white ceiling on top of her and beeping noises filled her ears. She let out a small moan and turned her head to see Jin sleeping in a chair and Yoongi on the couch. She slowly got up and looked down to see she was hooked up to an IV, Why am I in the hospital? 

“Y/N? Do you want me to get a nurse for you?”

She turned her head towards the door to see Jimin rushing to her side with a sandwich in his hand, “Jim-Jimin, why am I in the hospital?”

He pushed a chair towards her bed and grabbed her hand gently, “You fainted and you wouldn’t wake up. Namjoon rushed you to the private hospital we use because you wouldn’t move. The doctor said you haven’t eaten in two days.” 

“I-I honestly don’t remember...How long have I been out?”

“It's been almost two days.” 

Her eyes widened at this and looked around the room with a worried look, “Two days? Does Yujin know?”

“Jin told her...he told her everything.”

“Oh no, how did she react?” 

Jimin shivered at the memory of her yelling and shook his head, “Not good but we asked her not to text Jungkook because he doesn’t know we know.”

She slowly nodded her head and looked down at the white blanket with a blank expression, “Did he really cheat on me?” 

“Yeah...we asked our manager to sneak on the plane to see what he was doing. She looks like she's around six months...” 

She nodded her head again as she felt her eyes start to get wet again. She looked up at the ceiling with her eyes closed, taking a deep breath, “ I can’t believe it...He's lied to me. Wait, six months, that’s when...that's when you guys had a concert in LA.” 

He nodded his head and looked down, “I knew he was doing something but I just assumed he wanted to go out to the club to get a drink. We were all so tired and we didn’t come with him...that's when we think he cheated on you.” 

“The day after the concert, we Facetimed and he told me he loved me so much...I think that was the guilt that was talking. I...I didn’t think he would do this to me.” 

“We didn’t think so either...especially getting a girl pregnant.” 

“Y/N?”

She turned her head to see Yoongi rubbing his eyes and when he confirmed with his own eyes that she was up, he got up. He rushed to her side and sat on the hospital bed grabbing her hand, “Are you okay?”

“I-I’m okay...I’m still wrapping my head around this...”

When she looked at Yoongi and she saw his concerned look, she couldn’t hold her tears anymore. A rush of tears fell down her face as a loud sob left her mouth. Yoongi moved forward and pulled her into his chest rubbing her back, “Shhh, Y/N, It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” 

“Ho-how could he do this to me? I did everything for him. I loved him with all my heart and soul, what did I-I do wrong?”

Jimin grabbed her hand and shook his head, “Y/N, you did nothing wrong. This was all Jungkook, this isn’t your fault. Never think of that.” 

“How could he do this? What are you guys going to do?”

Yoongi kissed the top of her head when he felt her sobs die down a bit, “We're going to give him hell. He's going to have to come to the public about this relationship because the girl is pregnant.”

She bit her lip and nodded her head, “He's going to marry her, isn’t he. The company is going to force him to get married.” 

“Yeah...They’re probably going to do that. I’m so sorry, Y/N.” 

She nuzzled further into Yoongi’s chest as Jimin’s grip on her hand tightened, “I have to see it to believe it...I-I don’t know what to do...I want to make him suffer but I...”

“Take your time, love.”  

“What am I going to do...I just never thought this would happen.” 

“We’ll figure it out.”

The next week, Y/N was out of the hospital and like everything Yoongi said, it came true. On multiple websites there were pictures of him and this mystery girl with her pregnant belly being the main focus. Y/N, didn’t even remember what she looked like because as soon as she read the words “Jeon Jungkook set to get married” she tossed her phone. 

The rest of the guys gave Jungkook a hard time, Jimin even punched him for hurting Y/N. Namjoon and Jin had to pull him off while Yoongi threw another punch at him. Jungkook admitted that it was a drunken one night stand and it wasn’t supposed to be like this. He even had the nerve to tell them that he still loved Y/N and wanted to be with her which resulted with Yoongi punching him again. Namjoon banned Jungkook from bringing the girl over to the dorms because she wanted money from the group to be silent about Jungkook’s and Y/N’s relationship to the public. Namjoon threatened the girl if she tried anything to hurt Y/N then he would make her life harder. 

Y/N was staying at her dorm and the girls all came together to take care of her. Katie and Seoyeon were shocked to see the news but when Yujin saw how far along the girl was she left the dorm. Yujin arrived at Bts’s dorm as fast as she could and went to see Jungkook herself. She slapped him as hard as she could while Yoongi held his girlfriend back from the mankne. After that night, Yujin cut off all communication from Jungkook because Y/N was too scared to do it herself. 

Now, Y/N sat in the meeting with the rest of the girls discussing their new title track. Mr. Kim looked at all the girls with a wide smile that made Y/N feel a little bit better, “We have some ideas for the lyrics but we wanted to ask you guys if you had any lyrics.” 

Y/N nodded her head and took out her notebook with a smile, “I do...”

The rest of the girls turned towards her with a surprised look but Mr. Kim didn’t see it because he was focused on the notebook. He gently took the notebook from her hand and read the lyrics quietly to himself, “Wow, you basically wrote the whole song Y/N. Do you want to explain them to the rest of us?”

She nodded her head and looked at the table with a blank expression before looking at the people in the room, “The song is about how the person’s lover used to write love songs to her and how even though the love songs were nice, when she got wrong the song had to end. A break up song...” 

The members nodded their heads at this and looked at Mr. Kim who gave her a proud smile, “These lyrics are good Y/N. Proud of you, proud of all you. I think we have our next song done!” 

Before Mr. Kim stood up, Yujin raised her hand causing him to tilt his head at her, “Mr. Kim, the award show is next Wednesday and we're performing...shouldn’t we perform our new song?”

Mr. Kim nodded his head at this and looked down at his watch, “It’s monday...that would mean you had to be working this whole week. Is that okay with you guys? I don’t want to pressure you guys.”

Seoyeon shook her head and looked at Y/N with a smirk, “No, I think we need this. I think it would make everyone look at us.” 

Mr. Kim nodded his head at this and looked at the girls with a proud face, “Alright, let's have a meeting with the producers to figure out who sings what. This is exciting. I’ll meet you guys in the studio.” 

Mr. Kim left the room and Katie turned towards Y/N with a surprised look, “When did you write that?” 

“I wrote it yesterday...” 

Seoyeon’s eyes widened at this and grabbed her hand from under the table, “Did it make you feel better?”

Y/N sighed and nodded her head, “It did but it still hurts...writing it made me realize that Jungkook played me. He told me he loved me forever and always when he had another girl pregnant. I-I just can’t believe that he thought this was okay to do.” 

Seoyeon nodded her head and leaned forward kissing her forehead, “I’m sorry but we’ll never leave your side. Okay?” 

She nodded her head and quickly wiped her eyes when she felt tears, “I-I’m sorry.”

The girls didn’t say anything and wrapped their arms around the younger girl as she started to cry. She covered her mouth as she cried into Seoyeon’s chest. They were going to get through this no matter what happens. 

Y/N entered Jin’s apartment after he texted her that he cooked all her favorite foods, making her smile. She slipped into the pink slippers he bought her last christmas. She slowly made her way into his kitchen to see him at the stove. It's been almost two weeks since Jungkook broke up with her and honestly she's been better but that was thanks to her group and the guys. She has been mostly with Jin and the two have gotten closer if that was possible. Jin would cook her dinner when she came over and she would cook for him when he visited her. The two would joke around or he would help her with singing, his advice meant a lot to her; it always has. 

“Jinnie? Do you need help?”

Jin looked over his shoulder and gave her a smile and shook his head, “I’m almost done. All I have to do is put these on the plate. You can have some wine if you want too, it's in the fridge.” 

She nodded her head and grabbed two wine glasses from his cabinet. She set them on the counter as she glanced at his back and for some reason she felt her heart flutter at the sight. She shook her head and went to the fridge taking out the white wine he bought for tonight. She smiled when she saw that he already opened it for her. She poured it into the glasses and she turned around to see Jin smiling at her with a plate of food. For some reason, the lighting in the kitchen made him look more handsome, something she didn’t really think until recently. 

“I got your second favorite wine, is that okay?”

“She nodded her head and looked away from his stare, “Jinie, I would drink anything you bought me because you bought it for me.”

He nodded his head and looked at his diner room, “We should go before the food gets cold.” 

“Yeah, thank you for cooking. I appreciate it.” 

He nodded his head as the two walked into his diner room. He placed the food on the table as she did the same with the wine. He pulled out her chair for her and she said her small thanks to him as she sat down. He sat next to her and started putting food on her plate making her feel shy for some reason. She started to do the same for him, making him smile at her, “How's everything coming along? Did you get the dance down?” 

She nodded her head as she swallowed the rice, “We got the dance down and the song is done. We're just practicing now. I’m really nervous but excited to do this performance.” 

“I’m so happy to hear that. I’m really proud of you Y/N. You used to have stage fright but now look at you. I’m proud of you.”

Her heart started to beat louder and she looked at him with a shy smile, “Thank you, oppa...it means a lot to me.” 

“I know I can’t show it in the audience but just know I’m cheering for you always.”

“Jin...”

She stared at him with wide eyes as he just gave her a smile. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, “I’m always supporting you, Y/N. No matter what.” 

Somehow her heart beated louder if that was possible when he did this. He's done this before but this time it felt different to her. He leaned away and she looked up to see him looking at her with an expression she has never seen before. Before she said anything he quickly moved away and took a sip of his wine with a red face. She looked down at the plate of food with a smile that she missed having. She wondered what the future held between them if they let anything happen. 

Backstage was crazy, she watched everyone moving as fast as they could and Y/N stood next to Yujin. EDEN was performing first because of how new they were and this made Y/N nervous now. She was dressed in her red carpet outfit while the others finished first. She looked at the monitors to see the camera’s zooming onto Bts and seriously her heart didn’t hurt when she saw Jungkook. It was obvious to her that the guys wanted nothing to do with him because of the distance but they played it off good. She saw Jungkook twitching a lot which meant he was nervous. She rolled her eyes at this and looked to the side when her stylist came to her, “Are you ready?” 

She nodded her head and was whisked away to the dressing rooms. Outside in the audience, Jin was staring at the screen and he had to fight his smile from appearing when he saw Y/N appear on the screen. Namjoon saw this and nudged him gently. He leaned forward and covered his mouth from the cameras, “You’ve been getting closer to Y/N recently. Anything going on?” 

He rolled his eyes and leaned forward covering his mouth, “No, maybe in the future, I don’t know, okay.” 

Y/N stared at herself in the mirror with a smile, she was wearing a black tank top that had a silver chain going down the middle, mesh cargo pants that had buckles on them and black combat boots. Her hair was in a simple ponytail and she smiled at her appearance. Yujin wrapped her arm around her shoulders and she looked up at her with a smile, “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I am. Unnie, I am ready for this.” 

“That’s my girl, EDEN let's huddle!” 

All the girls showed up giving each other excited smiles. They put their hands in the middle and looked at Yujin, “Today, we’ll show that cheaters truly lose in the end. LET’S GO EDEN!”

“LET’S GO EDEN!” 

The girls walked their places and Y/N glanced into the audience and was glad the lights above her were out. Her eyes landed on Jin who met her eyes, he gave her a small nod and she smiled at this looking away. She took a deep breath and the song started. 

“Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, Doo-roo-doo-doo, doo-roo-doo-roo, Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

Doo-roo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo.”

Y/N took another deep breath and turned towards the crowded glancing at Jungkook who was watching her carefully, “In a whole other life, there was this boy that I knew. He made me feel like a woman, we were young and silly fools. Anyway, he was in a band, wrote love songs about me. I wasn't crazy 'bout the words, but the melodies were sweet, Went something like...”

She never took her eyes off of him and she was hoping no one would catch on to the glare she had on her face. Jungkook shifted in his seat uncomfortably but he knew his hyungs weren't going to comfort him, he deserved this. 

“Every time we go dancing, I see his straying eyes. Gave him too many chances, push my gears too many times And when he start acting dumb, then I'll be on my way to leave

But I stopped in the tracks, when I heard this melody And it went like...”

“Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, Doo-roo-doo-doo, doo-roo-doo-roo, Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-dooDoo-roo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo.”

Y/N moved to the center and stared directly at Jungkook and gave him a quick smirk and shook her head towards him, “He used to sing me sweet melodies. He played me, made me believe it was real love, Sing me sweet melodies But the day he did me wrong. The song couldn't go on and on. He used to sing me sweet melodies, He played me, made me believe it was real love. Sing me sweet melodies But the day he did me wrong. The song couldn't go on and on and on.”

Tag list:

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[blu3-f1nch]

Would you mind sharing what your version of Cherubim/Venomania’s story is?

[EXPAND ME, ART!!]

There's uh.. A lot to share here lmao- I'm so sorry this is gonna be kinda long, but a summary nonetheless. My body horror drawings of him are not a part of this canon.

Short answer; Many of the original themes of the story made me deeply uncomfortable so I didn't just re-write Cherubim, I re-wrote 90% of the universe and Cherubim just ended up being my hyperfixation. Yes he is still a lust demon, but lust doesn't always = s-x, it can also mean strong desires, his strong desire was freedom. Boom.

[Anatomy of the "False Angel" design can range heavily as he's essentially a shapeshifter. He can't just turn into random animals though-- I just mean that its anatomy can range from almost weasel like to humanoid.]

Long answer: For starters.. I re-wrote a lot of the universe, I wasn't super deep into the entire world and didn't want to spend more time reading the wiki than I already had (I'd been reading it for a few days trying to find specific information).

I re-wrote and/or added a lot of the gods, made an entire ranking system for the demons of the world, changed a lot of the lore- and really only did this because I was uncomfortable with one silly little purple haired mans' themes that led me into a week long spiral.

So for starters, his youth is much the same but is changed slightly. He wasn't born with any sort of facial deformation as I'm a tad uncomfortable with portraying characters who do abhorrent things because of a deformation/disability. Not to say people can't write these themes, I just was not comfortable with it under this context. Instead, he was born out of an affair, this he was known about to the public to some minor extent, but very little was known about him and he was kept out of the public eye out of shame. So he still didn't leave the castle much. [I do not have any concepts of him as a kid]

At one point he did have a taste of freedom, leaving the castle with his brother, as the two actually had grown up around one another and were rather close. They did this many times and Cherubim got to feel what it was like to have real friends outside of the guards and maids he spoke to, since his parents paid him little attention. He was caught however and after this was just kept in his room, rarely able to leave. He grew bitter and resentful, angry at his parents, angry at the world. He was just a confused kid. He had this deep desire to be free, so no one else could control him. These wishes attract a kind of demon known as an affiant. Hers [I call them Heirs] don't exist here in the same way that they do in the original work, they are something different. An Affiant is someone who has made a contract with an item of sin, so a human turned demon. Heirs are still born as purely beings of evil, but they have a bit of a different purpose. Anywho, aside from that, the Clockwork doll works differently here too. The original demon sealed within the doll has awoken and controls its body, though it still has much of its magic locked away. The Doll wasn't always this way but that doesn't matter. The doll was drawn to Cherubim for his deep desire for freedom and begun to speak to him, and over the course of a few years- until about his mid-teens, where they introduce the idea of forging a contract with a demon to get what he desires; Freedom. [I also do not have any concepts of the clockwork doll yet]

Cherubim is very off-put by this, he is not comfortable with this idea, and starts backing away from the clockwork doll, who is not pleased by this. She stabs Cherubim with the venom sword, forcing him to make a contract with the demon. In his initial moments, he had zero control over himself. He transformed into a being that would be dubbed "The False Angel," with the demon mostly in control at this point, it slaughtered the royal family. Cherubim was all that was left behind, going back to his normal form he would pass out. He doesn't remember much of these events, but he too was pinned as a victim; A fortunate survivor of some bloodthirsty demon who came in and slaughtered the royal family.

It has been many years since then, he's now 27. My take on lust is not lust in the sexual manor, but a deep desire for freedom, freedom through the acquisition of power and being above all others. However, because of the re-write I made of the lust demons powers, he more feeds off of emotions of the people around him, so keeping his people happy is incredibly advantageous to him. For this, he's generally admired by the public while at night he slaughters other demons not to protect his own people- but to acquire their power as well. He's actively seeking out the other vessels to gain their power as well. He's very self-serving in this AU, but not a straight up s-x offender (makes me deeply uncomfortable lmao) So here's my description of the Venom sword and the powers it gives its affiant: "The Venom sword -- is a katana with purple runes inscribed on the weapons blade, and the weapon itself is able to shift and change its appearance to any weapon of the users choice. In order to make a pact with this demon, one must be impaled by the sword, which leaves a scar that persists through any disguise the user takes on. It allows the user to change their face, body build, sex, etc- though again the scar remains. And much like a few of the other vessels, it allows the user to take on a more demonic appearance that is unique to each user, though often reflects one aspect of the original demon's appearance when it wasn't stuck within the vessel. This demonic form is extremely strong, and is when the user is most powerful. The lust demon also grants the ability to manipulate the memories of others, as well as the emotions they feel. They feed off of the emotions of the people around them, and sometimes other people's emotions make it difficult for the user to retain composure and their typical mannerisms. They must feed off of others emotions to replenish their magic. Feelings of happiness, excitement, bliss, etc give the user the strongest boost."

Sorry if any of this didn't make sense, it's 8 AM and I'm sick lmao-- I didn't proof read.

original drafting/Older design

This design felt too "human" to me, and so I started going with a more harpy/feline-like feel. This creature is supposed to resemble an angel, but something is supposed to be completely wrong about it. I don't feel like I hit the mark on this one, and I don't particularly like these drawings anymore- kinda got made fun of over them but I like them enough to share.

Clothing stuff I never finished or colored, one of my friends had me make a furry design for him lmao The gold and indego/purple theme is what I have for his clothes, and I'm thinking about changing his hair color. It'll be purple still, but it'll lean more towards magenta like in that one body horror drawing I did.

Here's the last of it, I don't have a whole lot of art of these designs honestly, I haven't fixated on him again and have been in bad art burnout-- just trying to focus on commissions and my OCs.

But yes, he doesn't go by Sateriasis Venomania because he never stole his brothers identity/had the memory fuge.

[kiefbowl]

Is there some truth in how its said that women are most valuable and attractive when young since pregnancy can be safely carried out only until a specific age, and the problems accumulate once you are passing that 35 mark. Always heard that men can impregnate easily even up til old age and since thats the only function they have (in reproduction) it makes them not have that sort of pressure/expiration time in a way. Isnt it often used as an explanation for a lot of things? men even while old- being consistently into younger women being one of them.

And how much accuracy is there into the widespread idea that men desire women for the signs of fertility and are mostly visual drawn to those signs (so superficially, mostly looks wise) creatures meanwhile women are attracted by the strength and stability of men-which is supposed to explain the attraction young women have toward older men (experience, stability reliability etc). Ive been fed that all my life.

What you're describing are very popular myths men leverage to support sexist ideologies. You can find studies that try to prove these ideas of men naturally drawn to "youth" due to fertility, but science is conducted by biased individuals. Many scientists believe they are performing objective experiments, but seek results to justify their own preconceived notions. We can always be critical of scientific experiments: who conducted it, who funded it, how large was their sample size, how diverse was their sample size, are there other conclusions that could be extrapolated from the data? etc.

Younger does not equal safer pregnancy, not necessarily. Data points to pregnancy being safer at 25-30 than 20 for example. However, how much data do we rely on that assumes standards of health care are ideal? Medical misogyny leads to poor outcomes in pregnancy even in countries with highly rated health care. How would pregnancy, labor, birth, and post-natal care fare in a world where women's health was prioritized?

Men can impregnate "easily" even older if you want to compare fertility of men to fertility of women. Women experience menopause, and men have no such biological experience. Men can produce sperm until their very last day, or so we understand. That doesn't mean it's healthy sperm, or a high count. Men have impregnated women into their 80s, but it's rare compared to 20, 30, 40 year old men. Conception is both easy, in that it only takes one sperm to enter one egg and that egg to implant successfully, and hard in that their are so many factors to that happening. Two fertile people (a man and a woman) could have unprotected intercourse over and over and still not get pregnant, granted the chances of that are slim. But the chances of that increase with certain factors, like having sex at the least optimal time of a woman's cycle, or being an old ass 80 year old man, for example.

Is biological drive any more a convincing answer to why men prey on younger women than misogyny? Not to me, misogyny and male supremacy provide the explanation. I do not believe, as evidence by my own experience as a human, that humans are purely motivated to have sex for the biological drive of having offspring. The idea that fertility markers drive us to be attracted to each other is laughably male propaganda, especially when you consider that men are motivated to be in control of reproduction. Oh, sure, men are more likely to be attracted to fertile young women, but women are attracted to what...nothing? "Strength"? Doesn't it make more sense that women would be more selective than men and want healthier sperm since their window of fertility is shorter and they can only be pregnant by one man at a time, if we really wanted to extrapolate a biological motivator for attraction? A man could have sex ten times today with ten different women and get each of them pregnant, so why would they care who's young and who's weak and who's smart and who's going to be a good mom?

[enchantedanimal]

first off: i saw your mothman coaster art and it's very cool :D

second off: you mentioned it was for a class you're taking? is that part of like a larger major for attraction design? i have a family member who has always been interested in that kind of thing and i didn't know there was something like that out there!

Tysm!!

In short: Yes, it's what I'm studying! People's reactions when I tell them are so funny bc no one has heard of it

As for a better explanation, I'll try my best to keep it from being horribly lengthy but its kinda complicated rn so bear with me (I also do not mind answering more questions about it if I know the answer)

So, my major is technically called Computer Graphics Technology/CGT, which is a digital design based major that has multiple things you can choose to concentrate in, kinda like a major within a major! I chose to concentrate in Themed Attraction Design (sometimes I just say that I'm majoring in that bc CGT tends to go over people's heads more), which is unique from the other concentrations in that it has a minor and a certificate if you don't want to take the whole CGT major. You also don't have to be into illustration/concept art- that's the role I've fallen into, but just in my group for this project we also have modelers, story writers, engineers, graphic designers, etc! They'll push you but let you work to your strengths.

I chose IUPUI (Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis) bc it's one of the very few colleges that offer it! However like I said things are weird rn bc IUPUI is splitting itself into the two separate colleges after this semester (we're literally going through an academic divorce ✌️😞) so I'm on a teach-out plan of study which is likely different than students starting fall 24' since it'll be under Purdue Polytechnic and yada yada all that fun and confusing stuff. With the many changes, Purdue should still be keeping TAD as an option.

BUT ANYWAYS from my experience so far it's really interesting! You get a good amount of exposure to the themed attraction industry, such as yearly trips down to Florida for the IAAPA convention, WDW (we took some Imagination campus classes), and Universal in November (I went last year, it was really fun), as well as getting to listen and talk to industry professionals such as imagineers and ppl at universal creative (as well as museums, zoos, etc). It's definitely unique and going to theme parks with the excuse that it's for education is a bonus lol

[shoppncarticles]

Viva Piñata

After the monumental success of Pokemon in 1996, several other companies tried giving the monster-catching craze a shot in attempts to reach the same level of commercial bounty that Game Freak and Nintendo had, though it rarely led to any long-term success. This wasn’t exclusive to just the later 90s though, since Pokemon’s continuing status as a media empire meant that there must still be a market for quirky critter-catching simulators. Enter Microsoft, who joined the gaming industry in 2001, and had a stroke of good fortune with their second console, the Xbox 360. Competing with the Nintendo Wii and PlayStation 3, the Xbox 360 was pretty popular and widespread for the time, encouraging Microsoft to find more ways to branch out and expand their console’s appeal.

Microsoft was also in control of Rare Ltd. at the time, the creators of games like Donkey Kong Country and Banjo-Kazooie. Figuring they could make something with broad, marketable appeal similar to Pokemon, Microsoft gave them the task of creating a new monster-collecting IP. Luckily, Rare already had a concept lying around that could fit the bill, so they set out to work developing what was supposed to be a new juggernaut. They even paired with 4Kids to get a cartoon made and ready during the game’s development.

The end result was Viva Piñata, a cross between a gardening and a pet raising simulator that gives players a garden to call their own and decorate in attempts to attract wild living piñatas to hopefully tame and live there. True to Rare’s standard affair, the game is very colorful and nicely stylized, featuring several different piñatas who each (usually) have names that combine what type of animal they are with a sugary food. You can even get the piñatas to breed if you so choose, encouraged since only 2 of one piñata type will show up in the wild at a time.

The piñatas aren’t the only thing players have to care for, though, since gardening does matter quite a bit, and plants can be farmed and bred in order to create flora which better attracts the wild paper-mâché fauna. Things aren’t all bright and cheery though, since not only will players be tormented by villainous Ruffians who seek to ruin the garden and even smash  piñatas, but players are also encouraged to do some pretty twisted things to their piñatas in order to make extra cash. I mean, these are living creatures you’re sending out to get smashed at parties, after all.

Unfortunately, though, Viva Piñata didn’t see anywhere near the amount of success Microsoft was really hoping for. Despite getting that cartoon made, and spending quite a bit on marketing (I remember there being a line of Kid’s Meal toys at one fast food chain), the game struggled to find a solid foothold in the market. It sold well enough, around 500,000 copies a year after its launch, but nowhere near Pokemon’s multimillion figures.

Truthfully, it didn’t mesh well with the Xbox’s primary demographic, which were teenagers and adults who bought the console for online shooters like Halo. The children who did buy it weren’t much better off, since, while bright and welcoming on the outside, Viva Piñata has some unnecessarily strict and complex mechanics and requirements for progression that children would likely be unable to micromanage and organize. Game progression can be pretty simple, but if you’re looking to tame all the piñatas or generate a steady stream of revenue, be ready to open the in-game encyclopedia multiple times. Several piñatas have wickedly complex requirements in order to be tamed or breed.

Viva Piñata would get a sequel two years later, a truncated DS ‘port,’ and a party game spinoff, but would seem to fade away from the public’s – and Microsoft’s – consciousness soon after. It’s a real shame, if you ask me, since it’s clear that like so many of Rare’s other games a real level of care and attention to detail has been put into these games that elevates them a bit higher than other ‘Pokemon Clones.’ Hell, with how different Viva Piñata’s gameplay is, I don’t think it may even be fair to call it a Pokemon Clone, it stands well enough on its own as a unique experience.

To give this forgotten game some fresh attention, I wanted to go ahead and share some of the piñatas which I enjoy the most or find to be quite noteworthy. There are about 60 different species in total, so I can’t cover every single one of them, but hopefully this selection should still do them some justice.

Mousemallow

“My crazy grandmother always said: 1. Mousemallows are never bigger than the gap under the pantry door, 2. never fall for the "blind" routine, and 3. never trust a Mousemallow wearing pants!”

Starting with a simple one, Mousemallow is Viva Piñata’s resident cute tiny rodent. The huge paper or cardboard discs are a clever way to give it big, comical ears, and the darker coloring around its eyes gives it a cute bandit mask look. Purple is a nice palette for it, but each piñata comes with 3 alternate palettes for you to customize them with as well, Mousemallow has one that’s solid yellow that occurs whenever it eats cheese.

Each piñata species also comes with a unique home building you can place in your garden (which isn’t necessary to keep them around, but is if you want them to breed). Mousemallow’s is a large grandfather clock, which is quite clever given the Hickory Dickory Dock nursery rhyme. The additional mouse-shaped wood carvings are a nice touch too.

Buzzlegum

“Why do Buzzlegums make honey? I think it's a bribe so we'll be their friends. I mean, without the delicious, sweet honey, you're left with nothing more than a fat wasp.”

I don’t think you can get much dopier than this bee. This thing looks like it’s barely had a coherent thought in its life. Buzzlegums don’t have to just sit around and look stupid all day, though, you can build a bee box in your garden to make the Buzzlegum produce honey for some extra profit. If you make it wear its own beekeeper’s hat, it can even do the whole process automatically.

Candary

“Not only is the Candary small and yellow, but it can "detect" poison gas in mines. Not only pretty but practical too.”

The Candary’s description makes note of the poor bird’s tendency to be used to check for toxic fumes in mineshafts, something Rare already poked fun at in Banjo-Tooie with the character Canary Mary. Candaries don’t have it any easier, since you can build your own mineshaft in your garden for extra cash generation too. While you could hire some miners to dig out rocks for you, you could also buy a gas mask for your Candary and send it into the mines by itself instead. Remember when people half-jokingly (or even seriously) would question the ethics of Pokemon catching and battling? Well, the world of Viva Piñata has no qualms using these colorful candy-filled animals for hard manual labor. In fact, it’s even more efficient to have a Candary work in the mines since you don’t have to pay it salary. Now that’s economic!

Sherbat

“When Piñatas were just evolving, what would become the Sherbat was developing a taste for extreme sports. For a time, it looked like street-pizza extinction. Then one morning, that strange creature with the sagging armpits became a Sherbat legend!”

...what?

The Sherbat is kind of disappointing, since it looks more like a cartoon exaggeration of a rabbit more than it does a bat. It is pretty amusing, though, seeing it flap those tiny wings as it flutters around your garden.

Actually, the Sherbat first comes in a Sour variant when spotted in the wild. Sour Piñatas are usually nuisances to your garden, causing a variety of problems either for your plants or current residents. The Sour Sherbat specifically will ‘drain’ your piñatas as if it were a vampire, causing them to fall ill. Once one Sour Piñata of a given species has been tamed though, all future wild piñatas of that species will be normal and harmless. It’s a shame though, in the case of the Sherbat, since the Sour variant is so much better looking than its normal design. I love the oversized wings and tiny body, and the sinister little eyes and fangs are a great touch too. You could theoretically keep a Sour Piñata in your garden if you wanted, but it would just cause annoyances until you either tame it or smash it into candy.

Sherbat homes are at least excellently designed. I really enjoy the exaggerated and uneven shapes of the gothic fence and tower, and the glowing green lantern is a great cherry on top.

Arocknid

“This eight-legged Piñata is perfect for any birthday party that takes place on October 31st, but it's not always the most popular Piñata on the block. There's a reason some folks can't wait to whack it with a stick, and it's not just the candy inside!”

I’m happy to see a spider piñata is a part of this catalog, and even happier to see it has a full eight legs and multiple pairs of eyes. The description also shines some light on the fact that, despite being alive, these piñatas are still filled with candy and smashed at parties without remorse, which you can even send your own piñatas to for some cash. They always return unharmed, though, so you needn’t worry about their well-being. Physically, at least.

Arocknids are also predatory, they are based on spiders after all. Taming one means that you have to let it eat two of your Taffly or Raisant piñatas. It’s not hard to do that, since you can attract two piñatas of one type from the wild, but what the game doesn’t tell you is that you actually need 4 of either piñata in your garden to get the Arocknid to actually visit. As I said previously, you can’t attract that many of one species from the wild, so you’ve either got to buy more from a piñata hunter or start breeding them.

Also, one of Arocknid’s alternate palettes give it an orange body and purple legs, gained by eating – what else – a Jack-o-Lantern. Succeeding where Pokemon failed, I see.

Reddhott

“Imagine scorching the furniture when you sit on it. Imagine having to move every few seconds because if you don't, the ground underneath you sets alight. What kind of life is that? Who is responsible for this?”

The Reddhott’s description shows how this game is still chock full of Rare’s signature sarcastic writing style, and acknowledges how twisted it is for you to go and make one these things. Unlike another piñatas, Reddhotts can’t be found in the wild, and instead must be evolved from pre-existing ones. By setting a normal Taffly piñata on fire, then quickly dousing it, you can get a Reddhott, the piñata version of a firefly. Kind of. It sells for quite a bit of money, and Tafflies are easy to come by, so you could get a bunch of them and turn them into Reddhotts for a quick profit. Y’know, if you were a demented pyromaniac or something.

Pudgeon

“All Pudgeons are filled with state-of-the-art GPS tracking systems. So, like a feathery boomerang, they always come back. Take them on holiday, load them up with duty-free and avoid hassle with the customs.”

This thing perfectly captures just about everything about Pigeons. The incredibly tiny eye is what seals the deal, though, I think. Just like the Buzzlegum, it looks appropriately dopey and thoughtless like the real thing.

Bizarrely, one of the requirements a Pudgeon needs to meet before it can breed is that it need’s to be wearing a Reporter’s Camera accessory. That’s a feature too, that you can dress up your piñatas in little knick-knacks and clothing accessories. Why a pigeon needs to wear a camera in order to procreate is beyond me, though.

The Pudgeon’s home is a statue of the game’s main antagonist, Professor Pester, only splattered with… some kind of white substance. You never see piñatas defecate during gameplay, so it’s a mystery where those droppings come from. Especially since you buy the statue already in that state.

Cluckles

“Right from the beginning, scrambled, boiled, or fried; then there's the cute fluffy bit (ahhh); then we dive right back into roast, boiled or fried. How can there be any left?”

Cluckles is quite the cute chicken piñata, I really enjoy how round and simplified its body is, and the nice palette of red, orange, and green it’s got make a good mesh of colors. It looks like one of the most believable piñatas of the bunch, for what that’s worth. Cluckles is also quite a useful utility piñata too, since it’ll help speed up the hatching any eggs in your garden, helpful if you’re trying to get awards for breeding a piñata type multiple times.

Profitamole

“All that time spent underground has deteriorated the Profitamole's eyes so they can barely see. This has probably saved the species because, let's face it, Profitamoles don't look too hot.”

I don’t know what that description is talking about, Profitamoles are positively ADORABLE. Look at how small and fluffy this thing is. It’s just a nugget of fuzzy piñata paper. I guess the problem might be the fact that it looks like it’s got red eyes? But that’s just rings around the outside of the eyes, otherwise it’s got a normal set of peepers. Profitamoles are helpful too, they’ll eat up and big clumps of dirt that happen to appear in your garden, either from improper mine usage or enemy Ruffians invading your turf.

Profitamoles come in Sour variants too, and while they certainly aren’t cute anymore, they are quite cool with their huge mouths and gnarly, jagged teeth.

Newtgat

“Ever wanted a Jameleon but found out they were too expensive? Your old Lickatoad is looking tired and out-of-date? Get a Newtgat-functions like a Lickatoad but with all that expensive Jameleon styling that you love.”

Called a newt, but more clearly resembling an axolotl, Newtgats are incredibly cute amphibious piñatas. Yeah, amphibious, because despite being made of paper-mâché these things can swim around in water with no consequence whatsoever. Maybe due to the axolotl’s predatory nature, but if you have both a Newtgat and a frog-like Lickatoad in your garden, the two will constantly quarrel and start fights with the other. These ammphibians don’t get along, it seems.

The Newtgat is pretty simple in gameplay, but can be fed a chili pepper to evolve into a Salamango, quite clever since axolotls themselves are just larval salamanders which never fully mature.

The Salamango’s cool and all, and has a neat fire theme going on, but I’d keep a Newtgat just the way it was, though. Is this how people feel about Wooper in opposition to Quagsire? I guess it makes more sense now.

Twingersnap

“When it comes to improving something, it's obvious that two is twice as good as one. This is the next step in Syrupent evolution. But they aren't just two heads - the left head is touch sensitive too!”

An evolution of sorts from the basic snake piñatas, Twingersnaps are based on real world mutations found in snakes that create two heads between them, only Twingersnap is a snake with two heads at each end rather than a fork. The method of getting a Twingersnap is a bit morbid, since instead of evolving a current Syrupent into becoming one, you have to deliberately smash a Syrupent egg right before it would’ve hatched in order to get one. You’ve ruined his thing’s birth and given it an unnatural mutation. Things don’t just stop there, though, because there’s also…

Fourheads

“Imagine the intellectual power! Four brains working in unison! A pity that someone skimped on the limbs, or this creature could have been revolutionary.”

Doing the same thing and smashing a Twingersnap egg will get you a Fourheads piñata, now resembling a hydra more than the average mutated snake. It even spits up argonaut helmets when attacking. Every piñata has a different object it uses when attacking, but none felt especially noteworthy until now. It’s a wonder that Fourheads is still able to breed and make eggs of its new species, considering it’s a mutation of a mutation. The wonders of piñata biology!

Doenut

“This animal is fast and flighty, not the sort of animal that you'd expect to get caught and eaten. Unfortunately, the horns on its head pick up T.V. signals and transmit them straight to its brain, a lethal distraction.”

A tamer example, the Doenut is a charmingly bright and colorful deer piñata. What’s most noteworthy about Doenut though, is what their house looks like.

For whatever reason, the Doenut’s home is a disco club, with a dancing deer neon sign. Sure, alright. Whatever makes these piñatas happiest I guess.

Macaraccoon

"The Macaraccoon is just naturally sneaky. You can trust it to behave now, but its twitchy movement doesn't inspire confidence."

Another big softie, the Macaraccoon gets the important charms of real raccoons down into a little candy-filled package. It even can upchuck Romance Candy once tamed - special food that helps piñatas breed faster if their specific requirements have already been met once before. The only downside about Macaracoons are that the game's aversion to use blacks or greys for piñatas' primary colors means that the Macaraccoon can't be a sleek monochrome, but it isn't a huge loss. The big mouth is pretty cute, it gives the Macaracoon a muppety look, almost.

Macaraccoons also come in Sour forms initially, featuring a huge rectangular shaped set of chompers they use to snack on any eggs you may have lying around. Dastardly for sure, but that red and black palette and set of oversized triangle teeth strike my fancy enough to maybe slip an egg or two its way. Hypothetically.

The Macaraccoon can be an utter pain to try and tame though, since it requires you to have 5 Master Romancer awards, only achieved once you’ve bred a piñata type at least 5 times (and keeping each child - it won’t count if you don’t have 7 members of a species in your garden at the same time).

Crowla

"When you see the Crowla, think less "dark, sinister, grave robber" and think more "garbage collector." It may stop that shiver tickling your spine."

Despite being a harmless, tamed piñata like all the others in your garden, Crowlas still has quite the mischevious grin of a ne'er-do-well that gives it a good splash of character that I like so much in my darkly-colored critter designs. Like Pokemon's own Murkrow, Crowlas has a jagged beak, nefarious-type expression, and charmingly gloomy palette. Crowlas also first appear in your garden as Sour Piñatas, but actually keep some traits from their eviller origins, namely the jagged underside of their beak. It might be my favorite of the whole bunch, honestly. Look at how devious it looks!

Sour Crowlas are much more wicked designs, thanks not only to the red and black palette, and the twisted curls of its patterns, but also the even more jagged shape of its beak, resembling a broken eggshell. I really like how most of the thing's body is dedicated to its mouth, it feels like some exaggerated enemy from another game. Sour Crowlas are quite dangerous since they'll kill sick piñatas before they can recover. Very morbid indeed!

Cocodile

"After some soothing, the Cocoadile's lethal snout becomes home to nature's widest grin."

Speaking of things that are almost entirely mouths, the Cocodile! This big gator's mouth is nearly twice the size of its own body, and its even got a bunch of rounded-down snaggletooths to boot just to make it even dopier and goofy looking. Cocodiles are actually pretty big in-game, but are entirely harmless like other tamed piñatas. In fact, Cocodiles have a utility feature, since they can be directed to water plants with their tears. Y'know, like crocodile tears, get it? I thought it was a bit clever.

There are Sour Cocodiles too, and I really like the contrast that they've got a big underbite in comparison to the normal Cocodile's overbite. That's a very imposing set of teeth, too. I've got to wonder what they're filling these piñatas with that isn't candy. Sour Cocodiles are quite a nuisance since they'll scare off any visiting NPCs in your garden, but who can blame them really?

Pigxie

"There is something very, very wrong here. I think this is a lesson in right and wrong for us all. That nagging voice in your head sometimes gets it right!"

The Pigxie isn't a natural piñata, and is instead a unique species created when you successfully get a pig-like Rashberry and a swan-like Swanana. Players hoping to receive a cool winged pig piñata will be sorely disappointed when this more realistically portrayed mutant hatches from the egg. The picture doesn't portray it well, but Pigxies are very asymmetrical and lopsided, leaning to one side at all times since their left seems to be lower down in their anatomy than the right. The left wing is smaller than the right, and its mouth even seems to be at a diagonal angle rather than the position it ought to be. Even worse, any tamed Rashberries or Swananas in your garden will try picking fights with Pigxies, as if deeply frightened and disgusted by the poor thing.

Surprisingly enough, like the Fourheads before it, Pigxies are actually capable of breeding still, but maybe it's better if you don't make that happen. One feature that I haven’t mentioned yet is that piñatas can come in ‘wild cards,’ meaning that a normal piñata will have some kind of additional feature on its body like spikes or tufts of fur. To get one means that you have to breed two piñatas while at least 6 members of that species are currently in your garden. I bring this up because these wild cards are effectively genetic mutations, unique traits and bodily growths which don’t carry down to future offspring. With enough dedication, you could. if you wanted, create a Pigxie with even more mutations. One of which includes a single, curled tusk, blocking most of its lopsided mouth.

Dragonache

"The ground shakes as it moves, the trees quiver when it roars, its breath can scorch the earth. Truly incredible and utterly terrible, and all the more desirable for it."

The final species in the original game, the Dragonache is a hidden piñata that can't be found in the wild and instead must be discovered and raised through various complex means. If players have a mine in their garden and have used it often enough, a Dragonache egg may be unearthed in it. The egg must then be hatched by a Cluckles, and then the Dragonache baby must be fed a set of five items and other piñatas before fully maturing into an adult. None of this is explained clearly in-game, but unlike some of the other strict requiremetns for taming or breeding other piñatas I think this is alright since the Dragonache is meant to be a hidden reward to experienced players.

And it certianly is quite the reward! I really appreciate how the Dragonache isn't just a typical lizard-like dragon made into a piñata, but is isntead some weird conglomeration of a creature with 4 eyes, 4 wings, 8 legs, and a spiky mane of frills. What with the various intricate and colorful patterns all over its body too, the Dragonache certianly feels like an ultra-strong mythical beast of all piñatas. The presence of a Dragonache alone will also prevent Sour Piñatas from entering your garden again, regardless if you've tamed them or not, which is a nice touch as well.

That about does it for the piñatas I wanted to cover from the first game. If any of these interested you, or if you were disappointed that your preferred animal didn't have a piñata counterpart, don't fret, as this is only a decent selection of the full game's roster. I'd say try looking into the game's catalog if you're interested in more, but sadly Viva Piñata has much less documentation online than it ought to have. Though, that's not all! As I said earlier, Viva Piñata did end up getting a sequel a couple years after its release, which added even more piñata species, and new environments to boot. I'll cover my favorite additions from that game as well, so stick around if you want to see more paper-mâché foolishness.

[raymurata]

13, 23, 32, 51, and 59 for oak my beloved 💖

13. What are some motifs you associate with them? did you intentionally bring in those motifs, or did it happen over time?

Openness and trust, rebirth, reparenting, CHANGES, learning, forgiving. Most of them I’d figured out from the start, some I’m still figuring out.

23. In what moment did they consider themselves to be “grown up”?

When they were living alone in Rosohna a little over two years ago (a 13year-old goblin is a 21-year-old human).

32. Which of your decisions led to their voice being the way it is?

“I want to play a chirpy, ray of sunshine little goblin who's just so cute.” It was probably one of the very first decisions, actually. Even before we knew we’d be playing Netherdeep (when we were still considering Strahd! LMAO It wouldn’t have been Oak, but a perky goblin in Barovia would have been bizarre nonetheless XD). 

51. What element of their backstory are you proudest of?

TWO-IN-ONE BAYBEEH! I am so proud of all the themes I’ve managed to explore with Oak’s consecution. The first, of course, is what attracted me to making a Consecuted character in the first place -- what happens when the person is raised in a completely different environment, even photo-negative in certain ways, two ends of the same culture? If the memories only come about later, would they not be entirely different people by then? What would happen to that person, having to accept a past self that is so different? Which aspects of that person from the past would still in fact be the same; what about us is innate? It drew me in.

Some of those questions I tried to answer myself, and some are being answered during the game. I did not know how integration would come about for example, or if it would come about at all -- and last session just kickstarted that process for Oak and I both. WILD.

But yeah. I am proud of everything that came out of that consecution. Somehow I’ve managed to pack A LOT of political and psychological themes there. Another thing that I am proud of is that, at least to me, Tarlyn’s story, while sad (I think I made it clear last session that Tarlyn’s life was sad, right? lmao), is actually hopeful in its very conception since they’re Oak now. It is a big-ass metaphor for rebirth and reparenting and being proud of being your weird little self and what have you. I’ll talk more about that in the future when it’s all out in the open. :3

59. What’s an element of their philosophy that you disagree with?

Oak is a big Luxon believer, actually. Not that they wouldn’t question their belief and/or the church itself. They sure would, given the evidence. But they believe in this powerful force and they honestly, truly read it as a force of good, even if they sometimes may question the dogmas. I think the Luxon has literally no alignment, personally.

Also, Oak believes that if they make themself vulnerable to someone, and that person somehow takes advantage of that, then it’s that person who’s 100% at fault. I love that philosophy, I think it’s beautiful, but I’m the Tarlyn inside Oak screaming for them not to be such a trusting idiot. XD

[marianne-zemo]

Bloody Winchester

So, this is just a silly little idea that popped into my head while my friend was watching Good Omens. She commented on the scene where Crowley is berating his flowers and I confused GO Crowley with SPN one and we began thinking about the circumstances under which our beloved King of Hell would ever talk to flowers. This is the direct result of that quick brainstorm so I'm giving credit where it's due bc this little ficlet would not exist without my amazing friend! Also, it's been a while since I wrote anything and English is not my first language so please, forgive any mistakes. It's also not proofread so yeah, read at your own risk XD.

Word count ~ 1200

Warnings: pinning, alcohol consumption, Crowley may be a bit OOC, one-sided attraction, was supposed to be funny but the concept ran away from me, mentions of murder (no actual murder happening) playing fast and loose with canon bc I don't fully remember Dean's demon era, demon!Dean is his own warning even if he's just mentioned. angst I guess? bad writing, sad Crowley., swearing? Let me know if I missed anything!

Do not copy/repost to another site, feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! <3 GIF not mine

It was well into the late hours of the evening when Crowley found himself unable to focus. Being the king of hell didn't create a lot of opportunities to relax and that task was made harder still ever since his best demon has been recently turned back into an insufferable human. Most of his lowly servants couldn't hold a candle to Dean in both effectiveness and sheer ruthlessness. It certainly helped that this particular member of the Winchesters was rather easy on the eyes and was able to hold a decent conversation and keep pace with Crowley while drinking. Hell has never run as smoothly as it did with Dean as his right hand. However, ever since the squirrel came back to its cozy little nest with moose and feathers, Crowley found himself having less time for himself, having to constantly oversee his lowly servants and oftentimes punish them for their ineptitude. While he would never admit this out loud - and certainly not to the man in question - the demon found himself greatly missing Dean's company and, sentimental though it was, longing for the times when his right hand would sit with him over a glass of whiskey and share easy jokes. Crowley was ripped out of his thoughts by the knock on the door. He heaved a sigh and entertained the idea of just killing whoever it was that dared to disrupt his peace but decided against it. It's not that hell didn't have enough demons to cover for one or two spontaneous murders but he simply didn't fancy dealing with the very possible coup if he were to go on a killing spree. However, he also didn't fancy hearing about yet another failure and so, with a wry smile he snapped his fingers just as the demon opened the door to Crowley's study.

Lilith's former right-hand man found himself in a dirty back alley of a pub he used to frequent with Dean and, although it was not his original plan, he decided that if he was going to be pathetically sentimental over some stupid human then he might as well go all in and get a drink in a place that holds a lot of fond memories. He walked into the establishment looking as though he owns the place and sat at the stool flagging the bartender down with a commanding wave of a hand. "Bottle of Craig, 30 years if you could" He said, not even paying attention to the person behind the bar instead choosing to focus on his surroundings. Crowley usually wasn't one to engage in the desires of the flesh with random strangers but he wasn't some shy maiden and if he were to find someone who'd catch his eye, he certainly wouldn't mind taking them to bed.

However, a quick sweep of the pub turned out to have a rather disappointing result and with a heavy sigh, Crowley gulped down the entire glass of whiskey in one go, trying hard not to focus on the fact that the person he'd like to see in his bed the most was also the one that would sooner push a blade through his chest than their tongue down his throat. He continued drinking in a similar fashion, and it was only when the bartender outright refused to serve him any more whiskey out of fear for his life (stupid human, if Dean was there he would've slit the idiot's throat in seconds for the audacity) that he pulled a couple of crumpled bills out of the pocket of his coat and slammed it on the table. Crowley stumbled out of the bar (having previously stolen another bottle of his favourite alcohol and concealed it within the sleeve of his coat) and onto the almost abandoned street. It was late, the sun has set hours ago and the moon was shining brightly through the tall buildings of Oakdale, encompassing the area in an otherworldly hue of blue.

Without any conscious thought, Crowley's legs carried him to the mostly abandoned park bench surrounded by, now mostly withered, tulips in shades of yellow and green. The latter reminded him of Dean's eyes and the demon cursed out loud, pouring his whiskey into a cardboard cup to conceal it. The last thing he needed tonight was dealing with cops for "disorderly behavior in public" or whatever bullshit name did humans come up with for having a drink outside. Bringing the cup to his lips, he allowed the alcohol to make its way down his throat, warming his insides and leaving behind a smokey taste of wooden barrels in which it was kept to mature.

"I thought we had something, you know? Me and him. It felt like he understood me like I could be myself without fear of being judged or ridiculed. We had that easy camaraderie and goddamnit but I miss him." Crowley started rambling, not particularly caring if anyone heard him. "I've never had anyone I was as close to as him, there's never been a single person, human, demon or otherwise that could make me smile, really smile in the way that he did. And! He made an amazing demon too, ruthless, cruel and clever, and, and-" he gave a hiccup and soldiered on. "and now he's just a human again. Pathetic and weak, with useless morals and a stupidly soft heart, and yet… there is no place for me in there. I just thought.." The demon trailed off for a second, his gaze focused on the flowers surrounding the bench. Almost all of them were showing signs of decay, and only the green ones still bravely holding on in the harsh Minnesotan winter. "It doesn't matter what I thought. I should've known that he'd think himself too good to affiliate with a demon" Crowley sneered to no one in particular and petulantly kicked the batch of tulips closest to him. "Bloody Winchester and his stupid, beautiful green eyes and ridiculously kissable lips." He raised the drink halfway to his mouth but was stopped dead by the sound of something landing on the bottom of the cup. He stared at it, mindlessly and it took his alcohol-addled brain a minute to work out that it was, in fact, a coin that was currently swimming in the amber-gold liquid. He raised his head with an indignant scowl on his face, ready to lash out at the presumptuous idiot who ruined a perfectly good cup of a 30-year-old whiskey but, whoever it was, has long before disappeared into the night. The former crossroads demon let out a few curses and, still muttering profanities at humans in general, dumped the remaining drink and the 50 cents onto the green tulips, spitting on it for good measure. He left the park in an even more foul mood than before and with a snap of his fingers, brought himself back to his house. Not bothering to do much more other than shrugging off his coat, Crowley laid down in his bed and fell into a fitful sleep, haunted by emerald green eyes and a deep, soothing voice of a certain hunter.

[7larson]

tbiny devlog #2

this is a repost of a blog article originally made at near-midnight august 21st, 2023 as i am migrating my blog to a new host. there was only two already written, everything here on out should be new :)

i should have been at work today, but i woke up with a horrible migraine, so instead, i called out and slept in. when i woke up, the migraine was still pretty bad, not in a state to go to work, but i wanted to finish setting up this blog and revamping my website, so i did that. don’t look at my commit history, it’s a mess. don’t migraine & code, kiddies.

today i want to get into a little bit about what the story of this game will be, its inspirations, etc. since it’s an idea i’ve had floating around for awhile, so that’s what we’ll jump into!

many eons ago, i got really interested in the concept of a ghost or spirit that lives in the body of or is otherwise attached to another person. this isn’t a unique idea, of course, it’s been done in a lot of media. the thing that originally drew me to the idea in this case was the Chronicles of Darkness book, Geist: The Sin-Eaters, but a lot of other media i’ve loved over the years has explored similar ideas in different ways, particularly The Blackwell series by Wadjet Eye Games.

i made characters based on this concept, but really wanted to incorporate this idea of the host being the main character, and transgender, and the spirit not knowing how to grapple with that, or something along those lines. in the end i don’t think it works well that way, or at least, is as interesting. i think there’s a lot more room for trans allegory in the spirit being the main character, and being trapped within the body, and having to cope with it being a different body than the one they came from. i want to explore things like gender and mental health through that super cool urban fantasy lens i’ve always grown up being attracted to, and what better way to do it through this story!

so that’s where our story starts. This Body is Not Yours is the working title, i don’t know if that will be the finished title, but that’s what i’m going with for now. you play as a ghost who, in the afterlife, made a deal with a dying person to bring them back to life on the condition that you’re bound to them now. and when you wake up, you don’t immediately remember that, because memories are a little weird when you don’t have a body for a long time. don’t think about it too hard, it’s better for the narrative if you learn these things slowly, i think.

i’ll make it make sense. maybe.

so on to day two of development.

first, i learned some more basics of conditional statements and how to edit sentences partway through using them for quality of reading, basically. i think that will come in handy later.

next, that CSS thing from yesterday was really starting to bug me, and with some caffeine for my migraine and the powers of google, i was able to thankfully find the solution. it turns out i just need to only be exporting the story.js once i have the CSS styling the way i want. oops!

with that in mind, i went ahead and did some more serious CSS styling, so now the game is nice and moody and has an appropriate light and dark theme :) i usually use light theme for everything, because my eyes suck, but i know most people prefer dark theme and it fits the setting, so here’s what it looks like now.

also, i commented out something i want to use later, but left it there so i can use it… later.

i also found out i can use ink’s class defining to define lines that i stitched together through scenes using glue (this all sounds ridiculous if you’re not familiar with ink, but knots, stitches, and glue are all real terms) so i can change the color of what appears to be a single line in the game, even if it’s split into a couple segments in the file. very useful!

this is pretty much it for technical stuff today, i think, the rest is just writing! so… this has been a devlog. tune in next time for god knows what!

[priestessofspiders]

Deeper Than You Think

Throughout recorded history, the underground has always held a certain macabre mystique. Countless religions have preached of some form of Hell or Underworld, wherein the damned shall be punished for eternity for their transgressions against the divine, deep below the surface. It is unclear where exactly this concept first originated and why it occurs in disparate cultures separated by vast gulfs of space and time.

Yet, similarly, despite this reverential fear of the underground, humanity has also always been fascinated by it. One can find ancient paintings deep within vast cavern complexes, the pigments placed there by human hands hundreds of thousands of years ago, far beyond any conceivable light from the entrance. To this day, spelunking is still a not uncommon pastime. What drives us to go deeper into the dark? What makes us want to descend into the bowels of the earth, to be surrounded by walls of stone, swallowed up by the world itself?

In the modern age, one is far more likely to find oneself underground in the form of a basement, subway, or maintenance tunnel than one is to delve into a cave of some sort. When contrasted against those primeval passageways, such structures are tame and mild in comparison, but that simultaneous combination of fear mixed with the call of the depths is still there.

What follows are accounts which describe various unusual experiences occurring in and around the modern Underworld.

- - -

Letter sent by Alana Jefferson to the Fortean magazine "Unknown Phenomena", April 2nd, 2004

I've kept up with this publication for quite some time now, but up until now I've never had any experiences of my own to send in. Last week, however, I had a strange encounter in the Seattle Underground

As I'm sure you're aware, when I say Seattle Underground, I'm not referring to a subway system or anything of that sort. After the Great Seattle Fire of 1899, a section of the city had its street level raised, leaving some tunnels and abandoned old ground floors left behind from the construction. They had some usage in the 1900s as various dens of inequity and whatnot, with gambling, smuggling, and criminal activities, but by the 1910s they had largely been abandoned.

Nowadays a few sections of the Underground have been renovated enough to be safe for visitors, and since I was spending a few days up in Seattle to visit family anyway I figured I'd take an hour or two to go on one of the tours. It wasn't really something I'd been especially interested in doing, I just happened to be in the area and had asked some friends as to what tourist attractions were worth visiting. Second to the Space Needle, this was the main attraction that was recommended to me, and since I have quite the fear of heights my choice was made for me.

In all honesty it was slightly disappointing. Sure, conceptually the idea of an underground tunnel network beneath the streets of a major city is intriguing, but in practice I was just slowly walking with a group of other tourists through the musty basements of long dead shopkeepers. Any of the excitement of exploring something long abandoned is rather lost when the place has been made OSHA compliant and routinely walked for years.

Anyway, all this is beside the point. At some point or another, I decided I was bored to tears with the tour guide's rambling and the "oohs" and "ahs" of all the other tourists as they were pointed out some historically significant bit of rubble. When everyone seemed distracted by some old storefront, I quietly slipped away down a side passage and decided to begin a little bit of exploring.

I had made sure to pack a flashlight (I hadn't been expecting the guided tour to be illuminated quite so brightly by all the electric lights set up to comply with modern safety standards), so I was able to make out my way quite well. Almost instantly I found the darkness made the tunnel system so much more interesting. It no longer felt like I was just following a path that had been tread a hundred times before, it now felt like an adventure.

I passed through various decrepit basements and passageways, shining my flashlight about to peer at all the odd nooks and crannies. I saw bits of old graffiti, a rat or two, some discarded beer bottles, all the sort of things you'd expect. The floor was often uneven and strewn with debris, so I had to watch my step carefully, which only added to the excitement.

There's something very odd about being completely surrounded by darkness. The tour route often was interrupted with little glass skylights which let sunlight from the outside world shine down, and what wasn't illuminated by the sun was kept bright by lamps and the like. Now that I was alone, every so often I would turn off my flashlight and just sit there, surrounded by the void. There's something deeply humbling about it.

After maybe 45 minutes or so of aimless wandering through the dark, I decided it was probably time to head on back. I knew I'd get a stern talking to from the tour staff, but I figured I could just pretend that I had gotten myself lost and had spent the whole time looking for the tour group. However, I soon discovered that I wouldn't need to pretend that I had gotten lost, as I realized abruptly that I had no idea where I was.

Now, I know anyone reading this is probably thinking to themselves "What an idiot", and frankly you're probably right. I began to panic, worried about how much battery life my flashlight had, whether or not anyone would come to find me when I didn't turn up with the rest of the group, how soon it would take for me to starve to death, etc.

At some point during my panicked searching for an exit, I began to hear the sound of multiple footsteps somewhere in the distance. My immediate thought was that they were coming from the tour group, and that if I hurried I could catch up with them. I began frantically rushing towards the noise, calling out that I needed help and that I was lost.

Here's where things got a bit odd. As near as I can tell, the Seattle Underground is supposed to only be one level. It should just be the old street level, nothing more. I've never heard anyone talk about stairs leading further down. But lo and behold, as I followed my ears towards what I thought was the tour group, I found myself standing before a set of stairs leading deeper into the earth. The footsteps echoed up from the depths, and without hesitation I began to descend, not even taking the time to think about how strange this was.

The stairs seemed crudely carved out of the very rock itself, with no hand rail or anything like that. The whole stairway seemed completely different from an architectural standpoint from the rest of the Seattle Underground, as if it was been added on as an afterthought for maintenance purposes. It also went down quite a long way, I lost count of how many steps but it must have been over a hundred, easily. I felt my ears pop from the pressure change as I went further down into the depths.

Finally I reached the bottom of the stairs, and I saw the source of the sound of footsteps. I should have realized sooner how odd it was that the sound didn't seem to move, that it kept emanating from one location.

Before me was a vast line of men and women all marching in unison, going down a long, unlit tunnel. None of them had flashlights or any other form of illumination to guide their way, they just seemed to walk forward, eyes open, smiling wide, their feet in lockstep. There were hundreds of them, all in a single file line stretching off into the distance.

The tunnel they marched down was just as crudely carved as the stairway that led to it, and had more in common with a mine shaft than anything that would make sense to see beneath a city. The smiling marchers seemed mostly to be homeless people, but I saw one or two folks in business suits or nice dresses. I didn't spend long gawking at the bizarre parade. They didn't seem to notice me at all, even after I passed my flashlight beam over their blankly grinning faces, but that didn't make me feel any less afraid. I ran back up the stairs as quickly as possible.

I did manage to reunite with a tour group eventually, though not the one I came in with. They didn't even seem to notice when I joined the group, they must have assumed I had fallen behind earlier. The rest of the tour was entirely uneventful.

Since I've gotten back from Seattle I've spent a bit of time looking into various urban legends and folklore of the area, but frankly I can't find anything that seems even remotely close to what I saw. The marchers didn't seem to be ghosts, none of them were dressed in any sort of antiquated clothing or looked dead or anything like that. They just seemed... empty.

In any event, I couldn't exactly go to the police with this sort of thing, so I decided it might be best for my peace of mind to submit my story here, perhaps some of your readers may have some ideas.

Statement posted to the defunct paranormal message board "RealSightings.net" by an anonymous user, August 27th, 2005. Grammar and spelling have been corrected.

I'm homeless, and I have been for about half a decade now. I'm typing this up on one of the computers at the public library. I'm not crazy.

I'm in San Francisco, though I'm trying to get out. There are fake people here. They look just like anyone else, I don't think most people notice there is anything wrong with them.. Most people don't pay attention to you when you're homeless. They just stare forward and ignore you if you try to get their attention. Most of the fake people pretend to be homeless, so I think that's why nobody ever takes note of how weird they are.

They're always smiling, ear to ear, like they're the happiest they've ever been. Nobody normal smiles like that for more than a few minutes without hurting their face but they do. They all have this blank stare as well, nothing behind their eyes. Like a TV set turned to static. The ones that are pretending to be homeless don't panhandle either, nor can you ever see them picking up cans to sell or scrounging through dumpsters or anything like that. They just will walk up to you and start talking.

"Hello sir or madam, are you hungry?" is the line that a lot of them open up with. Fucking weird thing to say. I've seen them walk up to people who are in the middle of eating and say that. They say it with such a weird cadence to their voice too, like they don't speak English and they're just repeating something phonetically without understanding the words.

When I first heard a fake person say that to me I figured that it must have been doing some of that PC shit about assuming someone's gender or whatever. I'm not what you'd call androgynous or anything like that, I've got a beard that reaches down to my stomach, so I was pretty confused as to why it was saying "sir or madam", like it couldn't tell. Then I looked up at its face and I met that vacant stare and circus clown grin and I knew right away this thing wasn't a real person. I mumbled out a "no" and excused myself, leaving it just standing there, staring at where I had been sitting and smiling like an idiot.

You've gotta understand they look completely normal, alright? There's no plastic sheen to their skin or anything, it's entirely something wrong with their heads. I bet if you cut one open it would have blood and all the right organs and stuff, but they're not human. I've never seen one eat, or sleep, or take a piss, they just wander around asking people if they're hungry, if they're cold, if they're lonely.

I used to have a buddy, Marvin, an old timer. He'd been homeless far longer than I had, and we occasionally talked and would try and wind up at the same shelters and the like. I don't really remember how we met. We weren't very close, mind you, but we knew each other. He was a veteran, I think, or at least claimed to be. He seemed to have something going on with his head, call it mental illness, PTSD or something. When you're out on the street for long enough, even if you don't get hooked on anything, your mind starts to go away from you. I read somewhere that if you're alone for too long you start going crazy, that your brain starts shrinking or something. Nobody ever wants to talk to a bum, so you find yourself isolated even in a crowd of people.

It gets cold up in San Francisco in the winter and sometimes there isn't enough room in the shelter or they kick you out for being on heroin or something like that. Well, Marvin got himself kicked out for some reason or another and pretty soon found himself with a nasty cold. He was really sick, coughing and wheezing till he was blue in the face. Frankly I was worried he wouldn't make it, it was raining really hard and he was just sitting there, getting drenched and dozing off. I was trying to talk Marvin into coming with me to a free clinic I knew about, but it was quite a bit away and I didn't know if he was going to be able to make the walk there without my help.

Now at this point in time I'd already seen a couple of the fake people, had sorta tried to warn other folks about them. How there wasn't something right with them. I'd told Marvin about them too, but it was always sorta hard to know what he did and didn't hear you say.

So I was trying to get Marvin up to his feet, and he was mumbling something about needing to sleep, how he'd be alright in the morning, that sort of thing, when from out of an alley came one of the fake people.

"Hello sir or madam, are you sick?" Its face had the same clown smile and empty eyes that they all did. This one didn't look homeless though, it was wearing a nice dress, like the sort of thing women at Christian charities would wear. I tried to tell it that we were fine, we didn't need help, but Marvin chose that exact moment to become lucid, and started babbling about needing a doctor.

The fake person's smile didn't change, there was no flicker of any sort of recognizable emotion on its stupid grinning face. It didn't seem to notice the rain pouring down on its head, didn't even blink as the water ran into its eyes. When Marvin finished talking, it opened its mouth again and said "I am sorry to hear that. I work for a free clinic. It's right this way. Will you come with me?" It opened its arms as if offering a hug.

I was about to drag Marvin out of there, but he stumbled into its arms and started sobbing and wailing. The fake person closed its arms around him and started stroking his hair mechanically, like an animatronic spinster with a stuffed cat. "There there", it said, and started leading Marvin into the alley it came from. I started to protest, trying to tell it he was fine, but it just ignored me entirely. It already had its prey.

It practically carried Marvin down into the alley, and I followed behind it, shouting for it to let him go. I couldn't bring myself to touch it though. I couldn't bring myself to grab a hold of it. Even now my blood runs cold just thinking about it. He was led down some stairs into a basement door. The stairs seemed to go down far deeper than they should have, and the door was strange. It was a hunk of solid rusted metal, like something you'd see on a submarine or something. The fake person slammed the door in my face before I could get a good look at what was on the other side, but I could have sworn it was just more stairs, leading deeper down. I pounded on the door telling the fake person to let him go, to bring him back, but there was no response. I waited by that door for hours but nobody ever came out.

Two weeks later, I saw Marvin again. I was out waiting in line to be let into a shelter, and he was facing the other way, standing off to the side, facing away from me. He didn't look sick anymore, and I approached him to ask what had happened with the fake person. He turned around and I saw his blank eyes, that mindless grin. "Hello sir or madam, are you hungry?" it said.

There's more of them every day now. I'm trying to get out of San Francisco. Hopefully there aren't fake people anywhere else.

Transcribed excerpt from the conspiracy theory podcast "Total Disclosure: The Truth is Now", hosted by Trevor Dyson, January 17th, 2006.

Alright folks, we've got some listener mail here that is very interesting. Last week we talked about how the government is hiding evidence of top secret underground military bases, subterranean clone labs, the Stephensville cover up, stuff like that. Well, since that episode I received an email from a listener who'd prefer to remain anonymous, and the experiences he describes seem like they may be relevant to that line of thought.

Without further ado, I'm just gonna start reading out this email verbatim. If what he says is true, and I have no reason to doubt this fact, then it reveals some very disturbing things about what's going on beneath our very feet.

"Hi Trevor. I'll admit I'm a relatively recent listener, I haven't really ever been too much into this conspiracy stuff. I'll be honest, up until recently I considered it to be just some paranoid tinfoil hat nonsense, if you'll pardon my bluntness. However, since taking my current job I've started to become a bit more open minded. I want to tell you about some experiences I've had working at the Denver International Airport.

Now listen, I know that everyone thinks the DIA is a hotbed for this sort of thing, but it's really not, or at least not from I can tell. There are some 'secret' tunnels but I've been down there and there isn't really anything of note, they're just service tunnels to transport luggage and stuff like that without the guests noticing. There is something very strange about the transit system however.

If you've never been to the DIA, let me explain briefly I'm talking about when I refer to the transit system. It's full name is the Denver International Airport Automated Guideway Transit System, and it's basically a glorified train that takes you from the main terminal to the concourses and vice versa. It's not anything especially ominous, and the furthest distance you can travel using the system takes about 11 minutes at most. Sure there's the mile long Deep Time / Deep Space art installation along the way, with some animated lights depicting caves and miners and the like, but it's more cool than creepy.

Anyway, like with all subterranean train systems, there is a maintenance walkway along the edge of the track. This allows access for repairs and the like, and isn't anything unusual. However, about every 6 months we find a dead body on this walkway.

The first time I saw one was about 2 years ago now. I'm not going to go into detail as to what I was doing in the transit system when I found it, I don't want this email to get traced back to me, but I was working on some minor maintenance, nothing that required the system to stop or anything like that. I was carrying some equipment down to the spot that needed some work done, and I just saw a dead man laying face down on the walkway.

Now he wasn't dressed like he worked at the airport, so I was worried he might have been a passenger, though I had no idea how someone could have gotten off the train and collapsed on the side of the tunnel. When I turned him over to check for a pulse, his face was blank and smiling, completely contented in death. I didn't see any wounds of any sort, he just was dead, like he'd had a heart attack or something.

I called security in a panic, but when I explained the situation to them, they calmly told me to wait there, to stay put and not touch the body. I didn't tell them that I'd already done so. A few minutes later, a group of guys in what looked like hazmat gear showed up and sealed the dead man up in a body bag before carrying him away on a stretcher. One of them asked me if I had any contact with the body, and I lied and told him no. He nodded and told me if this ever happened again I was to report a 'Code Black' on the radio with my location, and to not tell anyone about this or I would 'disappear'. That was the exact word he used, 'disappear'. I didn't have a chance to ask him what he meant by that before he just walked off with the others, the corpse in tow.

Since that first incident I've seen 3 more dead bodies, as I said with an interval of about 6 months between each one. They're always dressed in regular clothes, always have no wounds or other signs of violence, and they're always smiling. I have to assume they aren't passengers on the transit system, otherwise I'm sure there would be media coverage or something. Every time one shows up I call for a 'Code Black' and the hazmat guys show up, ask me if I touched the body at all, and then take it away.

I really don't know what to think about this. I wish there was some sort of easy explanation I could find to write all this off as something normal, something explainable, but it's utterly inexplicable. I don't know where the bodies come from, or where they take them. It's not like there aren't security cameras down here, so surely there must be footage of what happens, but I can't exactly go up to security and ask to look over the footage. I have a feeling I wouldn't have a job for long if I did.

I'm sending this in on a burner email and would like to request that you and your listeners please not try to contact me further. I don't want to 'disappear' like the man in the hazmat suit said."

That's the end of the email, and hoo boy what an email it was folks. Mysterious bodies appearing without explanation or warning? Threats of forced disappearances? This whole thing smells of a conspiracy. We're gonna take a quick ad break here for just a moment, then we'll be right back to the show folks.

Social media post by Roberta Hoffman, August 9th, 2006

!!! PLEASE DON'T SCROLL PAST THIS !!!

My husband, Mark, is missing, and I am very worried about him. I'm attaching a picture to this post of what he looks like, please spread this around as far as you can! I last saw him leaving for the subway on July 7th, he was walking to the Fifth Avenue-59th street station. If anyone has seen him, please contact me at xxx-762-1431 or via email at rhoffman@xxxxxx.net.

Diary entry of Roberta Hoffman, August 11th, 2006

Mark came back today. There's something wrong with him.

I'd been sitting by my computer and frantically checking my notifications, hoping against hope for a message or an email, when I heard a knocking at the door. I checked through the peephole and there he was. He was smiling, but it didn't reach to his eyes at all. His eyes seemed cold. Dead.

I let him in of course, hugging him and crying and asking where he'd been, but he was just completely silent, completely still, just smiling and staring forward. If it weren't for the fact I could hear him breathing and feel his heart beat, I would have worried he was dead, just propped up in front of the door to scare me. He smelled strange, a little bit like hospital antiseptic.

Eventually I pulled back from the hug, and he didn't even look at me. He just walked straight inside and moved over to the refrigerator. He pulled out a carton of eggs, and starting eating them, raw, one by one, just popping them in his mouth, chewing on the shells. I was dumbstruck, I didn't know what to do. He ate the entire carton while I just stood there, quaking with fear. The whole time he didn't stop smiling.

After he finished the eggs, he moved into the bedroom, where he started packing some clothes into a briefcase, haphazardly. It didn't look like he knew what he was doing. The mix of clothes he chose was very odd, a completely haphazard assortment of random items with no rhyme or reason to them. I swear he even took some of my panties and packed them up as well. I asked him what he was doing, and without even glancing up at me, still smiling as he stuffed the clothes into the overfull briefcase, he said "I am leaving you and moving away."

He said it with such a lack of emotion, as if he were a text to speech program reading out a script. There wasn't a flicker of recognition behind his eyes. There was no sadness, no sense of vengeance, no catharsis, nothing. It was as if he were a robot.

While I was trying to process what was happening, too shocked to even know what sort of emotions I should be feeling, he reached under the bed and pulled out a small metal lockbox, the one I knew he kept full of cash in case of emergencies. He packed it up in the briefcase as well, before finally closing it with a click and moving to leave the house.

I stopped him, my shock having faded just enough to feel angry. I shouted at him that he couldn't just leave, that we'd been married for 5 years, that if there was something wrong he could tell me, all sorts of things. I kept screaming at him and sobbing until eventually I couldn't say anything anymore and my throat hurt from the effort. The whole time he just stared blankly, grinning like an idiot.

I'm not proud of it, but I did slap him across the face, just to see if he'd react. He didn't even flinch.

After that I wasn't angry anymore. I was afraid.

"Please move out of the way" he said, completely neutrally, either ignorant or uncaring of the red mark on his face where I had hit him. His smile hadn't faded. I did as he said. He walked out the door and I watched him continue calmly in the direction of the subway station.

I don't know what to do. I called the police of course, but they just seem to think I'm overreacting over my husband leaving me. It just doesn't make sense. I don't know what made him act this way. I'm not even sure it was Mark. He looked like Mark, his voice sounded like Mark, but there was nothing behind his eyes, there was no soul. It was like someone had peeled off his skin and was wearing it like a suit.

Letter written by the late Dr. Elsa Humboldt to her daughter Hannah Humboldt, September 13th, 2007. The letter was taken as evidence by the police following Hannah Humboldt's disappearance on October 2nd, 2007.

Dear Hannah,

I fear that my appointment with the reaper is fast approaching, and while I've done my best to tie up all the loose ends and settle the last of my worldly affairs, there is one final thing I must do before I feel truly comfortable passing on my way to the other side. There is something I've never told anyone else, something I've had to keep secret for over a decade now, and it just wouldn't feel right if I didn't tell anyone.

You see your fair share of strange things as a mortician, and I've told you about many of the things I've seen in the profession which struck me as a little odd, but nothing comes close to the bodies they sent me from subways and underground parking lots.

The first one I ever saw showed up in 1989 I think, some time during the winter. I'm afraid I can't quite recall the exact date, you'll have to forgive the memory of an old woman. In any event, it was a John Doe, recovered from a lowest level of a parking garage downtown. There were no signs of violence or anything like that, but the thing that made them send the body to me to perform an autopsy was its face. It was smiling, an intense grin that seemed like something other than the rictus smiles that sometimes happen due to rigor mortis. They wanted me to see if there was any sign of poison or the like.

I won't bore you with the details of what I found out during the autopsy, because frankly it wasn't much. Almost everything seemed completely normal in every respect, nothing in the blood or anything like that. Everything except for the skull. I had almost finished up the autopsy and was going to call it a night when I noticed it, a faint scar in a ring around the circumference of the head, almost unnoticeable. Of course I had to check it out, so I got out the bone saw and cut open the skull. What I saw shook me to the core.

There was more metal than brain matter, a mess of silicon microchips and wires. I'm a doctor, not an engineer, so I don't really know exactly what any of it was, but I do know it has no business being on the inside of a man's skull, dead or alive. And judging by how healed the scars around the head were, he must have been alive for some time after that junk was implanted. Now I know that nowadays some people have those experimental implants to help with certain brain issues and things like that, but keep in mind this was over a decade ago, when such things were firmly in the domain of science fiction.

As soon as I recovered from the initial shock, I immediately called up my boss in his office and explained what I found. When I finished describing the body, he went very quiet for a few seconds. I was worried that the line must have gone dead, and was about to hang up and call again, but then he finally broke the silence and said "Wait right there. I have to make a call".

So I waited. It turned out I didn't have to wait particularly long, only about a half hour at most. Without knocking, a group of four men in black suits and sunglasses burst through the door of the autopsy room, moving in brisk lockstep. All of them were smiling.

Three of the strange men made themselves busy packing up the corpse into a body bag, sealing up the already removed organs in plastic bags. The fourth meanwhile came up and spoke directly to me.

"Hello sir or madam. I understand what you believe you may have seen is shocking and upsetting to you. It is in the best interests for your mental health to forget what you think you saw. The body you performed an autopsy on was completely normal in every way. If you ever think you see something like this again, please call this number." He pressed a business card into my hand, completely blank save for a phone number printed in black ink.

While he spoke, the other three finished sealing up the corpse, and one of them popped out the tape from the tape recorder I used to make autopsy reports and slipped it into his pocket. I felt dazed. Everything was happening so fast. The three men picked up the body bag and began to move towards the door. The remaining man moved to join them.

"Wait!" I cried out, "Who are you people? You can't just do this, this is evidence!"

The man who had spoken to me earlier turned on his heels to face me once again and said something I will never forget. Without missing a beat, he recited your name, Hannah, along with your address, your phone number, your blood type, and your social security number. The threat of what would happen if I talked about what I'd seen was implicit.

Over the years since then I've seen a number of more bodies like that one in 1989. I didn't have to cut open the skull to make sure, they all had the same grin and the thin white line around their head. They were always recovered from somewhere underground, always in a subway tunnel, or a parking garage, or a basement. One was even found in a cave. Whenever it happened, I'd dutifully call the number and smiling men in black suits would arrive, tell me to forget what I saw, and leave with the body.

The thing that bothers me is that, as time went on, I began to see those bodies with more and more frequency. At first they only showed up once every 2 years or so, but by the time I quit being a mortician in 2003 I was seeing them nearly every 6 months.

I'm telling you this because you're the only person I can tell. I don't care what happens to me at this point, the cancer has progressed far enough that I know there isn't any real danger to me, but I know they can still hurt you. After you read this letter, please burn it. Don't tell anyone what I've told you.

Letter by Michael Mora, sent to the Californian Unidentified Flying Object Society, November 3rd, 2007. It is unlikely that it was ever seriously investigated, as CUFOS formally dissolved on November 15th, 2007.

To whom it may concern,

I'm not really sure if you folks are the sort of people I should be sending this to. I can't say I have any evidence, not really anyway, and even if I did, what I saw is only tangentially related to UFOs at best. Let me start from the beginning.

I used to work in an office building in downtown Oakland. I worked in the basement, maintaining archives of all the necessary documents that are required for a company of that size to remain operating within the limits of the law. It wasn't exactly glamorous work, but the pay was decent and I appreciated the solitude.

I used to always take the elevator down to the basement, not really out of any real necessity to be honest, I'm more than capable of walking down the stairs, but I just enjoyed the feeling of motion. I know it sounds silly, but it was just a little way to brighten up my day a bit.

Anyway, around 3 months ago I remember pressing the button to go down to the basement level. I had just punched in to work, so I knew it was 9 o'clock in the morning. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor of my basement office, feeling incredibly woozy. I glanced at my watch and found it was nearly 11 o'clock. I had lost almost 2 hours of time.

Now I wasn't especially familiar with the various traditional "symptoms", shall we say, of abduction at that time. I wound up going to the hospital, worried that I had suffered some sort of stroke or something, but the doctors gave me a clean bill of health. I couldn't just let it go though, it was profoundly disturbing to have simply forgotten almost two hours of a day with no explanation of what had happened. I never felt comfortable in the basement anymore, and I would nearly have a panic attack at the mere thought of entering an elevator. None of my coworkers remembered seeing anything odd, but that's not much of a surprise given I often spent days without interacting with anyone I work with.

Eventually I wound up seeking out a hypnotherapist, to try and uncover what I figured must be some sort of repressed memories. It didn't take just one session, I had to keep coming back for weeks and weeks, but eventually I did remember what had happened to me. Now I almost wish I didn't. I really hope that the skeptics are right, that hypnosis simply makes one susceptible to suggestion, and that what I think I remember is merely fantasy. It would make everything so much easier. What follows is, to the best of my remembrance, what happened to me that day.

The elevator didn't stop going down. Normally it only takes about 30 seconds or so to reach from the ground floor to the basement, but this time it just kept going. I started to panic, hammering on the buttons to try and get the elevator to stop, but nothing worked. I could feel my ears pop from the change in elevation, like when an airplane begins its descent. After about 15 minutes, the elevator stopped with a loud clunk. Then the lights went out.

Shortly after I was plunged into what felt like total blackness, the elevator doors opened, and I found myself being grabbed by people I couldn't see. I tried to fight back, punching and kicking as best as I could, but to no avail. They just dragged me into the darkness and I was helpless to resist.

It wasn't pitch blackness as I had originally thought, as my eyes adjusted I realized there was a faint phosphorescence covering the walls of the tunnel I was being dragged through, and I could vaguely make out the shapes of the people who had taken me. They seemed to just be ordinary people, clad in normal street clothes. There seemed to be something vaguely wrong with their faces though, they all looked like they were smiling far too intensely. The tunnel was roughly cut into a rectangular shape, and seemed to be hewn from the living rock.

I had stopped resisting at this point, and when they noticed I wasn't struggling anymore they let me walk on my own, keeping a grip on my shoulders to make sure I wouldn't run off. As we proceeded deeper into the dark, we passed into a vast cavern of sorts, it must have been as large as a football field at least. Like the tunnels, it was dimly lit, but I could make out enough to get a general understanding of the size of the place. What made me gasp though was the object I saw in the center of the room; a large, metal disk about the size of a house, sitting atop three metal legs, like landing gear. Crowded around the object were various people with what looked to be welding equipment, and every so often I'd see sparks fly, like it was being repaired. I never saw it in motion, but I can only assume it was some sort of flying saucer. That's why I'm sending this letter to your organization.

Eventually we'd crossed the large room, which I can only think of now as a hangar, and I was led into a smaller, circular room, where I was strapped down to a cold metal table. That's when I saw one of them.

I'm sure you've read enough letters like this to know what they look like. It was short, like a child, and even considering the gloom I was surrounded by it was difficult to get a good look at it, like it was something my brain wouldn't allow me to see. It touched me with a cold, clammy hand and I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I was completely paralyzed, whether by fear or something else I don't know. It felt wrong, it felt utterly unnatural. When I looked into its vast, black eyes, I felt nothing, no sympathy, no intelligence, not even cruelty, it was just empty. It pressed an odd metal object to my head, and my entire body erupted in horrible, burning pain. It felt like hours, but it must have only been seconds. When it removed the object I saw bright spots before my eyes. The thing gestured towards the exit where I'd come from and the restraints were lifted. The smiling people who had brought me here grabbed me and dragged me back out again. We passed through the hangar and the saucer was gone, as were the people who had been working on it. I was taken back to the elevator through the tunnel. Everything was blurry, and I felt vaguely as though I was drunk.

The elevator doors closed, and the light came back on, the brightness nearly blinded me. When it arrived at the basement, I stumbled into my office and collapsed on the floor, I must have blacked out after that. When I woke up I didn't remember any of it.

It doesn't really matter if you write me back or not. I don't even work at that company anymore, I quit shortly after I recovered my memories. I just needed to be able to tell someone, anyone about this. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Michael Mora

- - -

While these accounts do not paint as clear of a picture as those of the Stephensville or Plainsfield incidents, they do seem definitely related. Further research is, of course, required, but after a certain point it has been difficult to acquire further information regarding events of this nature. Any documentation of similar encounters after 2007 are vague and difficult to verify, as though any information relating to these topics has been purposefully removed from the public eye.

Whether this is simple coincidence or signs of some sort of cover up remains to be seen.

Regardless, it is, perhaps, in one's best interest to avoid interactions with unusually smiling strangers, and to keep oneself above ground whenever feasible.

[moody-mae]

I attended Terrificon in Connecticut this past Friday.

It was a delight. What a wonderful bombardment of fans and creatives rocking the Nerd Card. A veritable sea of comics and rpg paraphernalia. I got two tiny d20s. Seeing them made me giddy. They're so cute. Had to snag a couple. >u<

I also met the writer and artist of Seven Years in Darkness, Joseph Schmalke.

Now listen, ever since I came across the first issue of Seven Years in Darkness, I've been on the hunt for new issues as they're released. The art style impresses upon you a great weight, perhaps the enormity of the stakes involved, and the concept beckons like an old jewelry box with secret notes hidden inside.

But for some reason, when Mr Schmalke asked me for my take on the series so far, I went ahead and said, "A little slow, but..." That is not the entirety of what I had to say. I wanted to talk about the mandatory and desperate dedication of the characters and the perverse attraction of the school and its traditions. But, under pressure, I folded like a napkin. I think I may have insulted the guy, which was not my intention.

Still, I bought another one of his works, a graphic novel called The Infernal Pact. Mr Schmalke even signed it. For free. So maybe I didn't insult him too badly. XD He said that he doesn't charge for signatures, that if he ever did start charging for signatures, it would be because he ran out of new ideas.

The Infernal Pact is about a biker gang who made an intentional deal with the devil, and a group of meth addicts who unwittingly made a deal with a lord of Hell called Belphegor. Some grisly deaths later, and the biker gang has it out for the cursed meth addicts, but the meth addicts have bigger concerns; they want to get out from under their deal somehow. It's a gory, irreverent story in which the choices are do or die. So far, I'm very much enjoying it. :)

[jessmenace]

Taylor Rave @ Avalon Hollywood 04/08/23

themed "raves" have been all the rage this past year - with the success of Shrek Rave, Broadway Rave, 90s Rave, etc... and the creators of the Taylor Swift-themed raves traveling the country are just one of the many to join the lineup.

so when my best friend's younger sister invited me to check out their LA stop, I wasn't sure exactly what to expect. both of us have been huge Taylor fans since day 1 (I actually caught the Fearless tour with her back in 2009)!

honestly? the concept - genius. Taylor has a HUGE discography (including hella electronic remixes already) which makes it easy for any corporate DJ to mix without much thought. but despite that, the DJs in question actually did create a lot of the remixes played that night themselves! including some deep. ass. cuts. I was pretty impressed with the depth of their Taylor knowledge. for two men in their late 20's, they played out shit like Picture to Burn (OG fans only!) to Paris (bonus track!); an Avicii/Taylor mashup to a Red remix in "the style of Fred Again" (their words, not mine.. but still pretty impressive in concept).

(the DJs were also genius in picking Tay Tay, knowing the audience it's bound to attract. this was proven when I saw them play out All Too Well 10 minute version and spent all of those 10 mins flirting with the 5 giggling, cute blonde girls they brought into the DJ booth lmfao.)

all in all, the night felt like a 3.5 hourlong (!!) night of a huge karaoke party with the girls and the gays, all covered in glitter and scream/crying Taylor's best lyrics from debut to Midnights at the top of our lungs. Avalon, with its carpeted interior and juvenile balloons, kind of made it feel lowkey like a convention mixer and less like a rave... but that's kind of what I expect from a Taylor Swift themed event anyways. it was a shit ton of fun, for what it is. Overall, the night was: 9/10! ♥