#its got that weird plastic smell but like thats fine

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

me when im. m . mac the stampede

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

That Be Some Good Buttercream

Summary- Steve and Bucky get your help in replicating a howling commando days battle using Christmas baking fun. But... Does anything ever quite work out the way it should? Set in the same characters I used in Night In, Looking Pretty Fly and Popping Pez and Mismatched Socks. Written for @official-and-unstable-satan​ 300 Follower Celebration Challenge. She still has many prompts, check it out. Prompts in italiacs. No warnings, all fluffy. 

Word Count- 1.6k

A/N- so proud of your accomplishments babes, you are an amazing writer and I love getting lost in your stories and listening to your ideas. I know your just gonna keep going up from here. Love you always babygirl 💚😈💚😈💚😈💚

“Bucky, they came around from the south end” 

“No they did not. I remember Steve, I was there.”

“Yea, and so was I” 

You and Sam had been listening to the two super soldiers carry on at the oversized table in the compounds kitchen dining area for a good hour before you readjusted the volume on the tv once more. Sam, half laying over half the couch remained scrolling on his phone, remarking. 

“Aint gonna do you no good, they just get louder.”

You sigh and hit the off button, he was right. Might as well go see what these two were up to anyways. Pushing yourself off the couch, Sam promptly stretched his legs out onto where you were sitting, making himself comfterable. “See you on the other side Kid!” He joked, settling into watching youtube. 

Wandering in, you saw the two men bent over  large map, Steve with pencil in hand drawing arrows to discern where they started from, stretching it across what looked like a military base. Bucky shook his head. 

“No no no, Punk, I wasnt up there, I was down here” 

“Bucky, I had you up on the highest point, it just looks weird on paper.” 

“You know what, this is pointless.” You could see Bucky getting aggitated with there project, pushing himself away from the table. “We need like... a 3D model to get this right.” 

Steve to straightened up, his arms folding as he looked down at the heavily marked paper. “Well... Tony does have some...” You interrupt in this time, moving over to the table and taking a peek at what they were doing. 

“You know, I have an idea of how to make you two a 3D model.” Both the men quirked brows, curious as to what you had in mind. "Givingerbread reanatcment.” 

You expected a rebuttal, a laugh, anything, since you were joking. But the two of them actually looked thoughtful, glancing at each other. “It would be easier then trying to draw it out” Steve mentioned. “And easier then trying to get Tony to set up the AI model for us.” 

“Plus we get some fucking cookies... Im in.” Bucky grinned, obviously pleased in the options of snacks. What started as a joke from you became a very serious matter as the two Soldiers dragged you into the kitchen. The two of them looking at you expectedly. 

“I was just joking guys, Im not making you a hydra replica gingerbread base. You know how much shit that would take.” At this point you backtracking a bit, wishing the words hadnt fallen out of your mouth so damn easily cause you thought is was funny. 

“Nonsense, you wont be doing all of it. Were going to help.” Steves already moving to wash his hands as Bucky is digging through a drawer and slipping on a god damn “Kiss the Cook” apron, he found in a drawer, ties it swiftly around his back and rolls up his sleeves. 

“You know you always wanted to boss us around Doll.” Bucky smirks, wiggling brows in a teasing manner. “You finally get your chance.” 

You look between the two men, the two of them nodding in encouragement, Steve composed as ever, waiting for You to explain how to start, and Bucky well he was opening drawers, pulling out random stuff that he thought you might use. He held up a spatula with a smirk, slapping the utinsel against his palm. “How about we get this train moving kids.” 

Relenting, you turn to your phone for a recipe. “Okay fine, since you all insist. We need flour, sugar, eggs, ginger, cinnamon....” While your listing, both men are scrambling to find everything, and piling it on the counter, yourself you bring out some bowls, cookie cutters, lets face it. You needed the actual men to decorate like howling commandos. Turning on the oven to get it preheated, you search for decorations. “Steve, store run? We gotta make this accurate you know, and Buckys all dressed up for a day baking. Hate to send him." You just kinda motion lver Buckys getup, the kiss the cook stretched over his chest, the apron a size to small for him really.

Your already grabbing paper and jotting down a detailed list of food coloring, frosting, candies and such. Steve snatched the list when you held it out, he had a general idea of it all and nodded. "Dont hesitate to put Bucky to work. He just pretends to be all intimidating."

You roll your eyes and back in the kitchen theres a "Steve your a dick" retort from Bucky whos looking over the mess of ingredients piled on the counter. Steve, seemingly joyful as he grabbed keys and left, you suspect you might not see him at least another hour or two. No worries, you had the other super soldier on hand.

Heading back in you hand Bucky a bowl and eggs. "Start cracking, separating yolk from white, and no shells." You cant help but from watching him, looking a bit like a lost child, before he he starts to crack eggs and inspect for shells. You watch from the corner of your eye as you put together the dry ingredients, and start mesuring out the molasses, talking him through the rest of the buttercream frosting ingredients.

Dipping your finger in his finished product, you lick the tip of your finger, smirking at his widened eyes. Yea Steve, hes very intimidating. You maybe took a bit to much pleasure in teasing Bucky on occasion. "Mmmhh my very favorite part.... "

He cleared his throat and looked away, it might be a bit mean, but he would give it back later, this was a dance the two of you played. "Okay, what now?" He said a bit gruff and you grab your rolling pin, holding it to him.

Eyeing it a moment, his brow arched. "Ya want me to roll the dough?"

"Yea Buck, nice and thin, since you two want to make all these outer buildings as well." Pointing to Steve's sketching, And you reached in the dough and piled it on the counter on front of Bucky. "And Steve said to put you to work."

"I notice you gave Steve the easy job." He muttered as he started to flatten the dough.

"I knew you were more capable."

Bucky couldn't hide the grin at the compliment, and afterwards you both measured, cut and got the cookie sheets in the oven. Stealing part of the couch back from Sam and watching trash tv till the oven beeped. Bucky vaulted over the couch, head back into the kitchen and pulled them out of the oven.

"Are they firm?" You ask, peeking at them, a light brush of your fingers against them. The room smelled like bake gingerbread and smooth sugar. Tempting delectables to say the least.

"Yup, now what?"

"Cool and mantle your buildings." You say as You slide them off onto wire racks. "Go get the frosting, and I will show you." Already he was rummaging in the fridge to retrieve it. Peeling off the plastic cling, you pick up one of the cooler pieces and edged it with icing. Folding two pieces together. "Easy as that. You try."

Bucky took it so seriously, the tip of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he piped that icing. His brows furrowed together in a dip right at the center. You bite back a grin and get a large dollop of icing on your finger and flick it at the man. Landing right in his face. He drops his cookie in surprise and blinks though the icing. "Fucken hell, Y/N! Whats that for?" Wiping it off, he flicks it back at you and you squeal getting hit.

That's war!

"Oh its on Barnes" smirking as you grab a cookie and crumble it, shooting it at him. Cookies fly, icing it flung, flour, and sugar is used to blind one another, you two ducked around the table, screaming and yelling insults playfully.

Bucky tried using the hose at the kitchen sink to spray you, in which you ducked and rolled right into him, the two of you collapsing in a heap on the floor among all your hard work, broken and scattered. Steve stood in the doorway, arms laden with two paper bags, his jaw hanging open at the mess. Bucky pokes you to get your attention and the two of you sit up, covered. Head to toe in frosting, flour and cookies.

"I was just gone an hour..."

"Its a long time to be left unsupervised." You shrug as you smear some frosting off your shirt and lick it off your finger, Bucky helped himself to your shirt frosting to since he had thrown half the bowl on you.

"Oh damn, thats good!" He grins.

"What about this is good?! You mean your gingerbread murder scene?!" Steve toed a dead gingerbread man with the tip of his shoe.

Bucky looked around and glared at his friend. "IT WAS HISTORICALLY ACCURATE" His voice raided to defend the mess and you promptly stuff a cookie in his mouth to shut him up.

"Come on Steve. Did the Hydra base not look like this after you two and the howling commandos were done?" You throw a cookie at him which bounced off his chest. "Eat a cookie, you feel better" next to you Bucky continued eating broken gingerbread men, grinning at his friend and nodding.

"Best damn cookies besides your mama's!" Bucky added between mouthfuls

"I just... Pick this up you two before tony throws a fit." Turning with the bags of candy he bought, passing Sam, he ditched them on the man still scrolling youtube

"You couldn't watch them for two seconds Sam?"

"And break up that little love fest? Puh-lease" Sam grinned at Steve and dug into the paper bags looking through the snacks, pulling out twizzlers.

"SCORE!"

@what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @kitkatd7 @stuckonjbbarnes @sebbbystaaan @kimisama1989 @simsadventures @that-damn-girl @imanuglywombat @jtargaryen18 @stardancerluv​ @princess-evans-addict​

[skelebells]

retail au fic

under the cut!

Disclaimer i have somehow managed to never work retail so im pulling all this out my ass if you actually know whats up and want to tell me how i fucked up and could fix it please do!

Gordon Freeman had hit something of a dead end in his life. It hadn’t started like that, though, he’d been on a great path since high school- he got accepted into and graduated from MIT with a degree in theoretical physics, been immediately promised a job at some mysterious, prestigious sounding-place called Black Mesa, moved to a nice apartment in a city in New Mexico to be closer to the job, had everything set up to succeed, and then- well, he wasn’t entirely sure what happened.

He had been half an hour in what was going to be his daily commute, leaning against a cool window as the fancy air conditioned bus wound its way into the desert. He might have fallen asleep if not for the anticipation of a new job- and, just as he started to relax, he picked up the smell of smoke. He looked up, suddenly concerned, but the bus driver seemed to not have noticed. Gordon put his face to the glass and tried to see any signs of impending disaster- was that the military?

Sure enough, a makeshift roadblock of several heavily armed tanks and sweating soldiers stopped the bus. One of them marched aboard and muttered something dangerous-sounding to the bus driver, who nodded. One of the other passengers- an important-looking man in a white coat with a briefcase, as all important scientists seemed to wear- was escorted (borderline dragged) off the bus, before it turned and started to head back up the road, the wheels spinning up sand as they pulled away.

Gordon snapped around and stared out the back window. Past the roadblock, obscured by dust and billowing clouds of smoke, was the source of that smell. That probably used to be Black Mesa, he figured, not quite processing what he was looking at. The military was shooting into the smoke clouds laced with dancing threads of electricity, and he could hear screams, both human and… not. 

He stared at the clouds and the rubble of his future until it disappeared into the horizon, as the bus sped further and further away.

He got home and tried endlessly to call someone who might know what the hell happened, but he got no response. He couldn’t find any record of Black Mesa online, anywhere. He was jobless, apparently.

Every job application he submitted to other scientific institutions got turned down with no explanation, and every interviewer clammed up once he mentioned Black Mesa. Well- shit, then. With any sense of a bright and scientifically intriguing future fast disappearing, he applied to some soulless chain supermarket after taking his degree and his acceptance to Black Mesa off his resume, and got the job within the week.

Fantastic.

The next couple of months went by in a mindless blur of unremarkable to unpleasant customers and minimum wage, and Gordon was feeling a sort of dread setting in that the rest of his life was going to be like this. ‘Your college degree was for nothing and you are going to waste away selling gum to teenagers with better lives than you’ something told him, and it was hard not to listen.

It was in one of these late, quiet afternoon moods, mindlessly restocking within sight of the entrance, where he first saw one of Them. The sliding doors parted and a tall, skinny man in a bright yellow shirt walked in, golden retriever on leash and pushing an empty shopping cart.

Gordon looked up and opened his mouth to say something about no dogs being allowed in the store, and stopped. First off, it was a service dog, so that was fine, but said dog was huge. Sitting down, it looked like it would be about six feet tall, about the same height as Gordon. 

‘Uh, what the fuck?’ he blurted, all regulations forgotten.

The tall man looked over at him and blinked. ‘Hi!’

‘...uh, hi! Why- why’s your dog so big, man??’

‘Oh- this is Sunkist! He’s- he’s the perfect dog,’ the man declared cheerfully. He and his dog walked up to the drink section just behind Gordon, and began loading several various sodas, both in packs and loose cans, into his trolley. The- the dog had a litre bottle of Mountain Dew held in its mouth. Okay. Sure.

‘Hi, Sunkist,’ Gordon said weakly, and decided not to press the issue. He wasn’t paid enough to try and figure out how or why this dog was so fucking giant. Instead, he stood and watched, entranced and with a growing sense of insanity for the e it took for the seven or so minutes it took both dog and man to drag roughly 50 litres worth of soda into the trolley and started to wheel it over towards the checkout.

‘Hold on,’ Gordon called out, suddenly very curious about this man with his lethal amount of soda and his terrifyingly huge dog. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Tommy Coolatta!’ the man said brightly, and squinted at the name tag on Gordon’s chest. ‘Uh… Gordon Freeman. N-nice to meet you!’

‘Yeah, that’s- that’s me. Nice to meet you too, Tommy,’ Gordon said, feeling himself retreat into customer service mode from the bizarreness of it all. His name was fucking Coolatta?? He was done. He started back on restocking his shelves and glanced periodically over to Tommy and Sunkist at the checkout. Ah, Darnold was at that till. Gordon had never spoken to the man much but apparently he liked soda, judging by the enthusiastic conversation the two seemed to be having. Ten entire minutes later, the soda was scanned and paid for and bagged, and the two left and walked off down the street. Sunkist seemed to be carrying two of the plastic bags in her mouth.

‘What the fuck,’ muttered Gordon, once they were out of sight. He’d had unusual weird or creepy customers before, of course he had, but this was a new level. Fuck this job. He had no idea what to make of the encounter.

The next few days went by without much of an event. Tommy slipped into the background of his memory and Gordon fell back into his normal, boring, working routine. 

Until, like a purposeful slap in the face from the universe, the store was robbed. Or at least he was pretty sure that was what happened. 

He had taken to playing solitaire in the empty hours of the store (which were most hours, in this gloomy late autumn). It was a normal and productive game for someone his age. He was doing puzzles to challenge his brain, fuck you. Maybe twelve games in a row was a getting a little sad, but- 

His cards spontaneously combusted.

He yelled and reared back from the counter but before he could even process what the fuck just happened the window- the large display window next to the accessible, already opening sliding doors- was shattered by some large thrown projectile.

Oh god, that was a guy, what the fuck- there was a- an old man in a lab coat? Sprawled out on the floor in the broken glass of the window and- cackling, and a second, shorter guy with- with a sleeveless lab coat, what the fuck-

and that is all folks

mad i lost interest before i could write in benrey’s entrance but thats alright

if any of yall want to take this and continue it or whatever please do!

[pinkykitten]

kinda like a date

Detroit: Become Human

Connor x human! female

Warning: some vulgar language about ur pizza, u failing cuz that COIN trick is too DANG hard 

Specifics: comedy, fluff, race neutral reader, one-shot, human reader, police officer reader

People: connor, hank anderson, store lady (oc)

Words: 1,155

Requested: By anon I'm desperately looking for someone that will write a Connor x Reader where the Reader is buying a Android for the first time after saving enough money. But I don't know if ya okay with smut? If not then the request without smut.

Authors Note: this has no smut in it cuz ur girl dont write smut srry but i hope this is what u meant lol i kinda went a lil bit over board with this hehehehe. but i made u a police officer in this cuz i wanted it to fit connor’s story still so this is all i could think of. its been a while since ive written for dbh so im happy i gots a request if u want to request more for this fandom pls do my requests r currently open dearies!!!!

You worked at the police department. Working a full shift was tiring but you made it work. Your job as a police officer was normal until more and more androids were used in the department. To you it was a thought of why not? You personally did not mind androids helping police, that just means you get less work, but some were against it. 

You then decided, with the money you saved up that you would go and buy an android. You’ve seen some be used for nannies, caretakers, just workers every where. Unfortunately, since the company of the department you worked for didn’t want the model of the new android, you would have to get it with your own cash. To you it seemed right, you created the idea that this thing would work and you would get some days off. 

Arriving at the place you noticed many of different models of androids. 

“Hello ma’am, what can I get for you today?” The store lady gave a fake smile and you couldn’t tell if she was an android or a real human. 

“Yeah, um, hi, I’m looking for a specific android that was made for my department-”

“Oh I’ll get you the exotic dancer android right now.”

“No, no, no,” you shook your head and hands. “I work at the police department. I’m here to buy and pick up the one that was made for us. Its sent from cyberlife?”

The lady nodded and typed some things in the computer. You handed her your hard working money and waited for the android. He walked out, so smoothly. He was a very handsome android. You hit yourself in the head for thinking that. The android walked up to you and with a serious face said, “hello my name is Connor. I’m the android sent by Cyberlife.” His face was so stoic, so empty.

You smiled and waved at him, “hello there Connor, my name is y/n. I’m the human that came out of my mother’s vagina. Now lets get to know each other.”

As you said that word Connor’s eyes flew open slowly until he had a shocked expression. It made you laugh to know that an android can think that way and have that expression. All he said was wow as he muttered next to you. 

“So y/n, what is your status at the police department?” Connor asked as he walked by you as you walked out of the store. 

“Oh me? I’m just a uniformed office, just a regular police gal. I already have the info that you are going to be partnered up with my friend Hank Anderson, he’s a detective. So you’ll have fun with that one.” You placed a hand on Connor’s back. Connor peered around and saw your hand. “Do you enjoy your job y/n?”

You went to a cart nearby and paid for a drink since it was hot outside, “oh well you know, its work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for this job its just, sometimes work can be really stressful and time consuming. I just wish I had more freedom and not so much job.”

“Would you like me to discuss your situation with the head of the police department?” Connor asked so innocently. His brown, doe, plastic orbs staring right into your e/c ones.

You almost chocked on your drink, “no please don’t, I might get fired if you do. I don’t know when the day will come when I do speak out or I do something about it, huh maybe I never will.”

“If would be informative to the head of the police department if you were to say something. Also, I understand that there is a case you all are currently working on.”

You took a sip of your drink and paused, “yeah we do but how do you know about that?”

Connor tilts his head to one side, “all the information and data about past cases and present cases are stored within me. I now know much of what you all have worked on.”

“Wow, thats pretty cool actually.” It was weird, you were actually really enjoying talking to Connor. He was a robot, he was not real, he did not feel anything. Maybe thats why you liked talking to him so much, he didn’t put personal feelings or opinions in the conversation, no he just listened to you. You were starting to like Connor’s company more and more. 

Suddenly, Connor did a trick with a coin. 

“Okay, alright then.” You backed away, pretty impressed, “where did you learn that? Or was that in your data too?”

“Would you like to try?” Connor says giving you the coin.

“Oh I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll be good at it.” You tried to resist, feeling bashful. 

“You will never know until you try, go ahead and give it a go.” As Connor passed the coin to you your hands touched. His skin felt almost like human skin, but it felt more plastic and more artificial, a little rubbery as well. 

“Alright then,” you took the coin and Connor went right beside you. His body close to yours but it was odd. There was no body heat like normal, no body smell nothing just Connor. His lips were right by your ear. “You have to pay close attention to this.” (omg this so reminds me of when bryan taught jacksepticeye how to do it) “You have to try to get it between your fingers, so let me toss it to you.”

“Can I look down?”

“No.”

“Connor!”

Connor sighed, “fine you may, but just the first time.”

As Connor stood close to you he flicked to coin in your direction. You tried closing your fingers as fast as you could but the coin only hit a piece of your finger and fell to the floor. 

“NAILED IT!” You joked as you danced at your failing victory. 

For a minute you thought you saw Connor smile at your silliness. As you proceeded to walk you spotted a dog with his owner walking by. 

“Awww look how cute he is,” you bent down and pet the dogs back. The dog barking and wagging his tail. 

“I like dogs,” Connor says as he too bends down. 

“Really? You too? I didn’t know you liked dogs, aren’t they the best?”

“They are perfect companions, like what folks say in this day and age, dogs are a mans best friend.”

You grinned, “they certainly are.”

After you two had your little fangirling moment with dogs you two went onto the police department. You two talked about everything and anything. This was going to be a new experience not just for you but for everyone you worked with, but you know somehow some way it would work itself out. Plus you thought Connor was great, and who knows maybe you and him could become closer in the future.

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[indigo474]

rainy saturday-

its rainy- gray- the rain brings out the green- beautiful. I'd be lying if i sad i didn't miss the sun. The sun will shine again,this I know. i finally threw out a pair of pants that was 7 years old- they were Mad's from grade school. It was time.I slept really really good last night and woke up at 9!!! Felt weird waking up that late. Took a long hot shower- its actually cold here- chilly. Anxiety 0- Everything looks bright and bold and i feel blessed to be a part of it. I talk to everyone at work- that is an exaggeration obviously- i talk to alot of people-im just nice to everyone. If i see something I like i tell them. People need to hear it- people need to be seen and heard- its so important- nothing worng with spreading a little sunshine in a shitty world. i;ve found the people who are mean and nasty need the most love and kindness. I when to Walmart and picked up a few things. As I got closer to the shoe department i was smacked in the face with the smell of plastic. I started looking around only to see plastic everywhere. its disturbing- the ocean is full of plastic so they say- no end in sight- i wonder why America went from glass to plastic. yeah glass is heavy and it breaks-idk i started getting emotional about plastics in our environment- if i let it the weight of the world would crush me- for as much beauty and love and goodness in this world there is equal amount of ugliness hate and evil- its easy to think there are more of those things- isnt that what we are told? I want to be the good in this world- i choose to see the good in people and myself. Speaking of evil- boys get molested too- twitter this week- 1 cop child porn- another molested 5 boys- years ago- adults now and coming forward. that takes strength. got me thinking about when i worked at a deli- i was 12 or 13- the owner had a boyfriend i believe his name was Kenny- he would hug me in the backroom- he would put his hands under my shirt and down my pants- he would come up from behind me and just do it. He never put his fingers inside me. I remember struggling to get away from him-they were really long hugs. I wonder what he did to the other girls that worked there.Anyway-that's right good and bad. i came home- cooked,cleaned drank tea. saw my Aunt the other day. said Hi to her. Nothing else to say. Im not 100% sure what happened there. The only thing I would have liked to have asked her was HOw's Ryan? Tell him I love him. Her and I are strangers and that is OK. I Have hope and faith that God is going to bring the right people into my life. Family does not have to be blood- this i am sure of. I am trusting the Universe to give me what I need when I need it-Learning,growing everyday. Mad is on her way home- laundry day-not my favorite. The only thing i would have done different today would be i would have gone to the gym. Maybe later? Laundry tomorrow. Mad's decided she was too tired to do it today- fine by me, although i would prefer to get it done in the am-? I don't know why i think its so important for me to be alone with myself and be OK with it. im always highly suspicious when i hear of someone that can't be alone. what are you avoiding? i am still trying to get a bike. i'm not sure why it has been so hard for me. i want one so i can ride it on the weekends i am off. i would like to ride to the park or wherever. wanting something and doing something are 2 different things. i thought of vaping today or was it smoking. one of those.it happened as i was changing the sheets on my bed?? why? just a thought- hit strong passed quickly. like most if not all thoughts. my yard is a hotbed for bird activity. all kinds- lots of blue jays. Blue jays are the cops of the backyard bird world. they keep things in order and aren't afraid of anything. ive seen them bully other birds. and they are blue- my favorite color. its so funny when i run in the morning. the birds don't mind that i am there. they don't fly away nor are they scared of me. they land in front of me and sing to me- when im in my car they fly along side of it, or come in real close.

ive always felt something around birds- ive always said birds act funny around me. there's been times ive pointed out weird bird shit to Mad's and she agreed it was weird. something else i said to her " people are always staring at me" she didn't believe me, in my car- people stare. she noticed it right away. im hoping to have someone go skating with me tomorrow. im positive i would be fine going my myself and i should if no one will go with me-but... i feel like i want a friend with me. I put a lot of money out the past few months. car for Mad's and lawyer. originally i was hoping to double what i saved last year. it's not too late for me to make that happen. thats one thing ive really been blessed with- building a savings. i 've only took out of it to pay for the car- i haven't added to it because i had to pay my lawyer. The 40 year old man named Dave from chicfila is still saying hi to Madison- i don't know what he was told- was he told to not contact her? Can he get in trouble for saying Hi to her- is it a big deal that he said Hi to her- she said Hi back and that made me upset- i tell her you don't owe him anything- obviously he has boundary issues right??? Mad said she doesn't care if i call the store. Maybe i should just to let the manager know i am aware of he situation? I've decided- if i was rich i would spend my money on cars and shoes.

[wizakitty]

some out of context quotes (2020)

I’ll delete your knee caps

You’re right she does have tiny toe knives

black or white we all taste the same (someone got mad at me for saying that because we do not all taste the same due to how much iron is in our systems)

OH MY WORM!... I mean word

I took its head off and drew a smiley face

I cant get its head back on

their extra hands, if you lose one you have another!

it’s body is probably in here somewhere

I got its head back on but broke its leg

QUICK ATTACH THE HOSE TO THE SAXOPHONE

you have lovely skin, i cant wait to wear it.

please dont subject us to this torture

bloodening stick    you mean baton 

<my name> please dont transcend to another demesion during a baseball game

do you want to see the bears but flowers?

oh he cant go in the oven

it’s weird i like it

thats why i keep a knife by my door

I will eat your fingers

god gave us ducks to eat our butts

maybe you did eat your son

imma give her plastic surgery with an eraser and a piece of lead

when im crying and someone tells me to suck it up, im really tempted to break their legs and tell them to walk it off

you said it you get it

GIVE ME THE BREAD AND NO ONE GETS HURT

*punches roof* I got a coin

fresh man whore

OH NO ONIONS WERE ALL GONNA CRY

ITS IN MY VOID YOU CANT HAVE IT

my tongue is ripped

dad got it for pumpkin guts :)

just because im an idiot doesn't mean im stupid

on your seat lose your feet

okay he LOVES the way you smell

its not even yesterday anymore

you hand doesn't actually come off...

why on GODS CRUSTY PIE IS HE HERE

grille me a cheese

cheese frosted with potatoes

I cant slurp bread like spaghetti (i painted that one and hung it up in my kitchen)

charlie go lick our guest

it turned into a dinosaur ‘thats backwords!’ FUCK

your milking pigs?

its a bird, its a plain, its a... banana...?

its not my fault 17 nerf guns can be turned into a semi-automatic gatling gun that shoots hard enough to break through plexiglass

what kind of ice cream shop doesnt have packing peanuts

my shrimp has more personallity than you!

it says limited batch but i read limited bitch

its fine i get thicc around the bottom too

i love complex diaphragms

my toes dont twinkle very well

biscoff, graham crackers on crack 

[tf-guru]

Basic Transformation. Tf story featuring woman -> pig, woman -> ????, man -> ????, man -> ????. MC

"What group of motherfuckers know how to pass an exam?" Derrick shouted to the group. His girlfriend Makenna replies

"It was a semester of basic biology, it's not like it was anything insane"

"I know I know but still, I'm proud of us!" Derrick respondes.

The group of four consisted of two couples, Derrick and McKenna, and Hailey and Joe. The group had just finished their biology exam and had decided to celebrate with a trip northward from their small llinois college. Derrick was the light hearted guy you'd always want to be around, his girlfriend McKenna had a bubbly personality as well but also would attempt to curb Derricks zeal.

"So you said your uncle owns a cabin up in Michigan?" This question came from Joe, a soft-spoken realist who often served as the groups leader. He was dating Hailey. Apart from Joe Hailey was probably the only genuine hard worker of the group, having been one of the biggest reasons they had passed their bio class.

"Yeah you guys are going to love it. My dad would take me their sometimes in the summer." Derrick said. The group continued driving for another half hour when suddenly, as if by magic the car came to a stall and Derrick began to pull over.

"What the hell Derrick?" Questioned Joe. Confused, Derrick responded

"I dont know? Everything seems to be fine! Let me go check the engine." Derrick, accompanied by the rest of the group got out and headed to the front of the car. While the rest of the group examined the engine Hailey inspected the area they were in. Looking ahead a shimmering sign at the side of the road caught her eye. She adjusted her glasses as it came into focus and came to read 'Pan's Haunted Museum and Auto Mechanic Shop' the auto mechanic section hung off to the side and Hailey could almost swear that part shimmered for a brief time longer than the rest. Upon finding the sign she called to the others

"Guys! Let's just head to this place, inform the owner of our problem, and be back on the road in no time?" The other two looked to Joe.

"I agree with Hailey, lets go check this place."

It didn't take long to reach the road the attraction was on. The area contained what was advertised, a small shop, a strange circus tent looking area, and a small farmhouse. When they arrived a small, hunchbacked man carrying a small bundle on his back sprang out at them. He had one crazy eye and a chin covered in black and white stubble. He looked at the gang and said

"Who might you be? Peculiar attractions have yee come to see?"

Joe, unshaken by the man's strange odd appearance or weird speech simply said

"We would like to see the mechanic sir." The man began to turn to the house and informed the group

"Hes out. I'll go call him. Feel free to check out the haunted musem over yonder."

After around fifteen minutes McKenna started to head over to the strange tent. With nothing better to do the group entered with her and found themselves in one of those cheap fair booths with "freaks of nature" including fake mermaid and pixey skeletons, magical rocks, and so on.

"Well this is... soemthing." Mckenna said, inspecting the fake mermaid.

"It really is isn't it." Derrick responded only half sarcastic. After throughly inspecting the room McKenna walked over to the far end of the room where a tarp covered an almost hidden door.

"Guys, lets head through here" Mckenna said

"Mckenna we should prob- and she's already gone. Lets go get her and make sure she doesn't get into trouble." Joe instructed as the remaining three went through the door.

The next room was a simple barn area with some hay scattered around. Upon seeing this Joe said,

"Alright, its probably just a staging area for the haunted attraction. Are you satisfied?" Mckenna turned around to retort before abruptly collapsing onto the ground.

"Mckenna!?" Derrick shouted before rushing to her side. He then continued

"She seems fine but just asleep, lets try and drag her back to the other room." Hailey went over to open the door but as she looked for the handle she couldn't find one, or even any sign there was a door at all. She was going to call out when she heard two distinct thumps behind her. She turned around to see both Joe and Derrick had collapsed on the floor. Before she could say anything she suddenly felt extremely dizzy.

As she collapsed on the floor Hailey saw the hunchbacked man before...

Hailey awoke, standing up in a completely different place. While still on a farm she was now outside standing in front of a man. The man was saying something when Hailey focused in

"You okay there? You look dazed." The slightly rotund man carried a pitchfork and wore a pair of blue overalls. Hailey replied

"W-wheres Joe and McKenna and D-" the man cut her off

"Who?"

"My-My friends we were on a vacation trip and and"

"Vacation trip? You've been here for a while. Remember the extra credit opportunity for your veterinarian class?" She did remember vaguely about applying for something along those lines but it seemed almost blurred in her mind.

"Sorry I must have just been day dreaming ha ha."

"Well, time to get to work. I'll show you where I want you today." The man led her into one of the long barns. This one contained a single area for pigs. In the opposite corner was a large mysterious container next to a dolley. The man then informed her

"Okay, I have you on trough refill duty. Fill the pig's trough with the slop and come find me in the farmhouse when your finished. Any questions?"

"No, I can do it." With that the man exited the barn and Hailey got to work.

She first went over to the barrel in the corner, lifting it onto a dolley. Bringing it over to the pig trough she undid the large plastic lid and started to pour the strange slop mixture into the trough.

"Damn, you'd think this would smell horrible but its not that bad!" She thought as the other fat pigs in the pen started to waddle over and treat themselves to the slop.

As she finished pouring a bit of slop spilled out onto her arm. Pulling the barrel back Hailey looked at the gloop on her arm and did a very un-Hailey like thing. She licked it off her arm.

For some odd reason the slop tasted amazing!

"Holy shit! That was so good! I need more!" She ran her finger along the edge of the barrel and consumed it once again. Realizing there was still some at the bottom Hailey poured it over and grabbed some by the handful.

As she ate her body reacted to the slop. Hailey always had had a thin figure but now she was teetering pass chubby. Her small breasts became bigger and her ears grew slightly larger. When she had emptied the barrel a wild hunger overtook her, causing her to go to the only other place near her with slop. The pig pen.

She entered, ignoring the mud starting to cling to her legs. First she simply grabbed slop and ate it but soon found it easier to just eat straight from the trough. With every bite she was less concerned about the other pigs and only focused on eating. She grew plumper and burst from her clothes.

"Will need to grnnt buy clothes, after grnnt eat this delicious..." she said, her feet crusting over into pig hooves, her mouth slightly pushing out into a pig snout, making it easier for her to eat more and more slop. This caused her glasses to fall off and to the side. She was on all fours. Each bite made her eyes fog slightly more and more. She didn't even notice when a tiny curled tail sprouted from her thick lower back.

The farmer walked in to see the piggish Hailey eating from the trough. He walked over to the pen and shuts the door, he calls to Hailey and says

"Damn, thought you were going to make it." Hailey turned around at this, still on all fours.

"Never seen anyone wake up from a sleep spell that fast. Well, don't worry well take care of you as a pig, Pan will be happy to see you." With that he exited the barn and made his way to the farm house.

"Me... me piggy?" Hailey sluggishly thought her famed intellect slipping by the second. Something about what the farmer said confused the pig as she shook her head in an attempt to focus but this only caused her fat cheeks to jiggle and her large ears flop out and down. She turned around to go back to the slop when she spotted her glasses laying atop her shredded clothes.

The sight of her clothes next to the other pigs made the sow-to-be strain and think hard.

"Im not pig... grrnt right? I h-h-human? Or hungry?" She let out an annoyed snort and went to touch her temples with her still human hands. As she raised them she brushed by her snout and came to an epiphany.

"I am Hailey, a human!" This jogged her human memories, her getting to the attraction with her friends, seeing Pans Museum. This realization cleared the fog from her eyes as she finally got a look at herself.

"Im grnnt, turning into a grnnt pig!" She grabbed onto the fence and with her strong will, pushed herself onto two legs. With this act of constitution some other changes receded as well. Her hooves began to soften and return to human feet, some of her fat receded until she was back to a chubby state.

"I... am... a... human!" She thought defiantly and with that she returned to a semi normal form. While still chubby her snout receded and her curley tail snaked back into herself. She quickly exited the barn and headed up to the farmhouse.

She ran to the door of the farmhouse, her new fat giggling as she went. Sneaking up to it she grabbed a shovel that was lying by the door and entered. Inside she found a simple farmhouse and peculiarly a pair of overalls and a straw hat on the ground.

"What the hell?" She thought as she moved further into the house. After a quick inspection of the house she didn't find anyone. She once again went into the main bedroom and opened the closet, hoping to find something to cover her much larger and curvier body. She opened the closet and found around twenty pairs of overalls, all different sizes.

"Thats weird, why would you need so many in so many sizes?" She went through them before finding one that would cover her new frame.

Finally dressed she headed into the kitchen, she opened the door she assumed was for the pantry and then stepped back in shock. Instead of a pantry there was a massive room akin to a warehouse with many rooms and hallways splitting off.

End of part one.

[a-pretty-nerd]

Imagine: Part 6 (Jasper Jordan x pregnant reader)

A/N: I have been getting so much great feedback, so thank you guys so much! I’m glad you guys like my stuff!

Warning: NSFW, cursing, violence, and fluff.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You let out soft moans as he kissed down your neck, and ran his hands up and down your sides. His kisses wet, and needy. His hands grasping your hips as if to keep you from squirming away. So passionate, and raw. Almost animalistic. It made your heart flutter and your core ache. You wanted nothing more than to feel him close, to have him as you had that night.

You opened your eyes, and to your disappointment, found the dull grey of the ceiling. You groaned. The past week or so, you were having the most bizzare, but incredibly realistic sex dreams. You chocked it up to pregnancy hormones. You sat up, and looked down at your small belly. You starting to show now. You had to borrow clothes from some of the larger women, or, Jasper lended you a shirt or two. You preferred that. His clothes smelled like him. It helped you sleep. Maybe, thats what triggered your dreams.

You got up, and walked down the hall to find Raven and Monty. They had been working non-stop to fight Alie, while you and Harper tried your best to help. You found yourself not being much help other than making sure the few of you didn’t starve.

“How’s it going?” You ask, stepping into the room. Monty looked over at you, and gave you a shrug.

“We’re working on it.”

“Y/N, look at this!” Raven called you over, gesturing to the large computer screen covered in code.

“Shit…that’s all Alie?” Raven nodded, and kept on working. “Are they back yet?” Monty shook his head. Jasper, Octavia, Bellamy, and Clarke had gone on in search of Luna. You wanted to go. To help in someway, but Jasper refused to let you go. No matter how fucked up that poor guy was, he refused to put you at risk. You were his friend. His…friend. You doubt he saw you as anything else, still. Would telling him the baby’s his change that? “Anything I can do?” Monty looked around, trying his best to figure out a task for you. He knew how much you truly wanted to help. Both you and harper.

“I’m starving.” He stated. You breathed out in amusment, and nodded your head.

“Any requests?”

“Coffee. And something with protien. Brain food.” Raven stated, not looking away from the screen.

“Coming right up!” You joked, and stepped out of the room. You walked down a few halls, and into the dining hall where you found Harper, organizing rations. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You nodded at one another. You and Harper weren’t exactly friends, but, you weren’t opposed to the idea.

“How are you holding up?” You asked.

“Shouldn’t be asking you that? You’re-”

“Pregnant. Yeah, I know.” You spoke, trying to make light of it all.

“Isn’t that so crazy?”

“Not really…its basic biology Harper.” She smiled.

“No, I mean. Being pregnant at such a young age first of all. On the Ark, they’d just get that taken care of right away. With over population and everything.”

“It’s not like I didn’t try to get it taken care of.” Harper shook her head, and looked at you curiously.

“But why would you want to? I mean, teenage pregnancy was unheard of on the Ark. Not because it wasn’t happening, but they litterally wouldn’t let it happen. Girls were forced against their will to have abortions. But on earth, you could have as many kids as you want.” You stared at her. She had a point. “Besides, that little thing in you. That’s the future. And because it’s gonna be born on earth, it has a better chance than any of us. And it’ll have you!” You placed a hand on your belly. For the first time. You didn’t feel like it was a burdon, or a mark of shame. You felt important. You were the carrier of new life, the most miraculous thing. You didn’t know what to say. Harper walked over and placed a hand over yours. “You okay?”

“Yeah I…I guess I never thought about that before.”

“Have you thought about whether you want it to be a boy or a girl? Baby names?” She was almost giddy. You shook your head.

“No. I tried not to think about it.”

“Well, Harper is never a bad option.” You laughed with each other for a moment. “Look, Y/N, I know we’re not close or anything. But I want you to know, if you need anything. Auntie Harpers here.” You smiled.

“Thanks Harper. That means a lot to me.”

They group was back in roughly a day. But when you went to hug Jasper, something was wrong. He hugged you back, but, it felt off. He didn’t hold you like he normally did. He was more light hearted than usual, despite the horror that Bellamy told you. They left after dropping Jasper off essentially. There was a weird glossy effect in his eyes.

“Are you feeling okay Jasper?” You asked, as he started walking away.

“I’m fine Preggers!” He waved you away. He mostly kept to himself for the last few hours, until you heard yelling come from one of the storage rooms. You ran to find a wounded Monty running through the halls, and an enraged Jasper chasing him.

“Jasper!” You cried after him, following them. You watched as Jasper tried to get Monty to open the door. In a strange voice, he talked about Luna’s rig. That wasn’t Jasper. When Monty wouldn’t open the door, he got fustrated and turned away. He looked at you for a split second, and stormed off down the hall. You tried calling him back. Maybe, try to get through to him. But he was on the chip. You knew almost nothing you did would do anything. An hour or so later, you saw him dragging Harper to the door, threatening them. “Jasper stop it! Let her go!” You begged. When Harper fought back too much, Jasper pistol wipped her. He turned to you. His eyes dark, and brooding. “Jasper…”

“No. No I’m not doing that.” He spoke to Alie as he glared at you. “I’m not hurting her!” He denied again and again. You figured it was Alie’s idea to take you hostage instead. You were more valuable. But Jasper denied her. Suddenly Monty opened the door, and in a struggle, shot Jasper in the leg. Making him crumble to the floor. You helped him tie Jasper to a chair. You watched him close his eyes, and waited for Raven to get through.

“Did she do it?” Monty asked with a shaky voice as you all stared at the screen.

“She got it.” Jasper sobbed. You turned your attention to him, and you and Monty knelt down in front of him.

“Jasper! Is it really you?” You asked, shaking. He nodded, as tears fell down his cheeks.

“I was finally happy.” He croaked. A part of your heart broke again. All you wanted, was for Jasper to be happy. Monty untied him, while you held his hands.

“I’m so sorry Jasper.” You let tears fall from your eyes.

“We will be happy again, Jasper. I promise.” Monty swore. You nodded, and helped him up. He apologized for stabbing Monty, and him for shooting him in the leg.

“I could use a drink.” Everyone nodded, and you watched him limp out of the room. Less than a few minutes later, Raven went back to her computer. There was no rest for that poor girl.

“Oh God…” She whispered.

“What is it?” You asked.

“We’re not out of the woods yet…”

You went to go get Jasper. Raven wanted everyone to be there. For what, you still weren’t sure. But you went off to Jasper’s room. You knocked on the door.

“Jasper!” You waited with no response, so you knocked again. Seconds later, Jasper opened the door. He eyes wide, and frantic. “What were you doing?” You asked, worried.

“Nothing.” He insisted. You leaned in and looked around his room, though he tried to block it.

“Christ, Jasper…Is that?” You pushed your way through. You found that old painting leaning against a wall. Across from a set up of a plastic sheet. You put two and two together. “N-No…Jasper…tell me this isn’t what I think it is.” You hoped it wasn’t. He didn’t look at you. You didn’t know what to say. The thought of losing him, it tore you apart. Before you knew it, you were sobbing like a fool.

“Y/N…”

“Don’t! Just…Raven has an announcement..” You choked on your words. A mixture of anger, and intense sorrow burrowed in your gut. You walked past him, making sure he followed behind. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Okay this one got sad. I would have written more if not for the block limit. ✌❤

[doctorwhat84]

Kinky quiz

1:Kitchen Counter, Couch, on on top of the dryer? prolly the couch, i know lame.

2:Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why: good cause it was with my loves

3:A fictional person that you think would be good in bed: Dark link lol

4:Something that never fails to make you horny: nuzzles in the chestal or tailbone region 

5:Where is one place you would never have sex: public bathroom

6:The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when my son woke up early and started yelling *haduken!* from the other room and i started laughing my ass off

7:Weirdest thing that ever made you horny: when my sir’s hands smelled like lemon and was giving me head rubs and its all i could smell

8:What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]: rope works fine.

9:What is the fastest way to make you horny:  Nipples.. 

10:Top or bottom? bottom. its really nice down here too lol

11: Ever get caught having sex? lol not by anyone who wanted me to stop

12:Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?  they arent always needed… and as for multiple, if you can and wanna try go for it lol

13:Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: all my stuffs are pretty out in the open.

14:Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you: i wouldnt really say any where ever weird. i would say when a former partner called me rattie cause of my bits being a bit big… but now one of my current partners calls me that cause i am his ratti. so yeah

15:Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex: *like* the feeling, and how people do it different from eachother

16:Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: attempted to urinate in me… i didint think it was weird but it didnt work out so it got weird lol

17:Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] yes, i like the way i taste

18:Is it ever okay to not use a condom: yes. but you have to know when and why and have a mutual ok-ness with it

19:Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had? mrs. medeiros.

20:A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: honey

21:How big is too big: idk slightly larger than a shampoo bottle

22:One sexual thing you would never do: anything with poop

23:Biggest turn on: the taste and smell of partners

24:Three spots that drive you insane: nipples, ass*anus* back of neck

25:Worst possible time to get horny: at a friends families place lol

26:Do you like it when your sexual partner moans: yes

27:Worst sexual idea you ever had: inserting small rubber piggies… ask me about it sometime its a funny story

28:How much fapping is too much fapping: when it starts to chafe

29:Best sexual complement you ever got: “you are aso good with your hands”

30:Bald, landing strip, Jumanji: whatevers good

31:Is it good sex if you don’t cum? yes it can be

weird... where did 32 go? somwehere

33:What your favorite part of your body: ass

34:Favorite foreplay activities: biting, licking, restraint,

35:Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to] >

36:What do you wear to bed? nothing usually

37:When was the last time you masturbated:is it still masturbation when others are doing stuff to you? if so then a few days ago

38:Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? yes

39:Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? years ago

40:Have/would you ever have sex outside?yes

41:Have/would you ever had a threesome?yes

42:What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? leather strap

43:Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school? no

44:Have/would you ever have sex on a plane? possibly

45:What is one song you’d like to have sex to? idk i kinda like when there is no music.

46:What is something nonsexual that makes you horny? fog

47:Most attractive celebrity? idk

48:Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? not as much. cause i tend to get bored with it now

49:If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now? less than 1 lol

50:Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online? yup

51:What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny? disinterest

52:Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?) no

53:Do you like giving head? (why/why not) yes… it turns me on

54:How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? i like tattoos

55:How would you feel about taking someones virginity? nervous as hell lol

56:Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? pineapple?

57:Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see? nope

58:Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)alot… to many to list.. alot of bondage stuff and butt toys

59:Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day? to look, yes

60:Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery? yes

61:Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? neither!

62:Do you watch porn? yes

63:How small is too small? idk… not that i look back at this question i kinda am like… as long as it make you feel good its fine

64:Have you ever been called a freak? Why? yes… idk something i did lol

65:Who gave you your last kiss? my sir and my alpha, very much so

66:Would you switch phones with your significant other for one day? screw phones

67:Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? yes, although now i have quite a collection of cute roos

68:Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? nope as long as they are clean

69:If you could give yourself head, would you? sure

70:Booty or Boobs? booty

71:If you had a penis/vagina, what would you name it? i am kinda of put off by this question now lol… my sir calls my stuff my eggplant though lol or my front tail lol

72:Have you ever been on an official date? yes

73:Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) yes.a long time ago… cause i was stupid

74:If you were a stripper, what would your name be? stripy McStripperson

75:Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?) no… probably not

76:How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed? id'e be like “what the fuck?!”

77:What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina hey! lookit that!

78:If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do? something that felt good, something that might hurt, prolly just use alot  of my toys on it lmao

[monbabi]

Can you do them reacting to their S/O being good at baking but horrible at cooking?

ofc!! sorry it took so long exams have been kickin my ass

shownu

• u two are baking brownies for the boys since theyve been stressed lately and u wanted to do something nice for them• shownu watches in awe as u expertly pour in and mix the brown batter in the bowl• u always had some kinda magic touch when it came to baking, u knew how much sugar and flour to add in and when to add the vanilla extract• it just made shownu smile bc wow how cute is that ur working ur butt off for some sweet treats for him and his members• “hey (y/n) i’ll take over the stirring can u make eggs or something? i havent eaten all day”• u freeze and give him a smile• “sure”• u hand him the bowl and walk over to the fridge to grab some eggs. easy enough right?• u crack the eggs into the pan, not failing to leave some egg shell in the yolk thats starting to sizzle in the pan• u turn to shownu whos diligently mixing the batter, workin up a sweat • tbh he looks real good• hes totally shirtless, wearing grey sweatpants and to top it off, a cute little pink apron that looks like its gonna bust open at the seams• u lean against the stove, basking in the appearance of this actual adonis in an adorably domestic setting • unfortunately u totally forget that stoves are hot and pull ur hand away as it stings with heat• shownu puts the bowl down and rushes over to u, holding ur hands and blowing frantically at them• “babe are u okay?” he asks worriedly, his eyes watching ur reaction closely to see if ur in any great pain• u reassure him “im fine” until u hear the beeping of the fire alarm• “oh my GOD”• u turn around to see the pan totally covered in SMOKE and shownu switches the stove off • ur kinda upset that u cant even make eggs for ur boyfriend but shownu just chuckles and kisses ur forehead• “next time i’ll cook okay?”

wonho

• “baby are u hungry?” wonho comes into ur shared room where ur sitting in bed on ur phone. he wraps his arms around ur waist and nuzzles his nose into ur neck• u smile at the sensation. “mm kinda? what do u wanna eat?”• he gives u a knowing smile and u sigh and get up from the mattress• “ramen?”• he smiles and takes a hold of ur hand, stroking ur index finger with his thumb • u know me so well"• the two of u chase each other to the kitchen and u grab the very familiar plastic bowl labelled shin ramen • u rip off the lid and unlock the hot water dispenser, filling the bowl to an unsteady level where the water is teetering around the edges. u put the bowl in the microwave and punch in 50 seconds• all seems well until u hear some popping noises from inside the microwave• “um. babe”• “yea?” u ask, too scared to turn around and see what happened inside the microwave• “did u take out the sauce packet before adding water and putting it in there?”• “oh my g-”• BEEP• wonho moves u out of the way and opens the microwave, his face contorting at the smell of burning plastic and the sight of ramen sauce power all over the inner surface. some soup flowed over the top too• u laugh nervously, put ur hand over wonhos, and close the microwave. u head over to the fridge and take out a plate• “how about we eat the macarons i made yesterday?” u give a sheepish smile• a smile creeps onto his face and a goofy laugh escapes his lips. ur hysterically laughing and he’s bent over his knees, so thoroughly amused by ur antics• “man i dont know how u do it. but yea i’ll take a macaron” he opens his mouth. u pop one into his mouth and he chews then hums with delight• “these are so good??? what happened just now? are u the same (y/n) i know and love?”• u two laugh again and he puts u in a playful headlock and plants kisses on the top of ur head

minhyuk

• u got a text earlier that ur boyfriends gonna come home late so u wanna surprise him with a nice meal• u can bake a mean cake but ur not too confident about ur cooking abilities• but u’ve baked minhyuk so many cookies and cakes and cupcakes ur worried for that boys blood sugar• so after watching 3 youtube tutorials u try to make kimchi stew, one of his favorites• u roll up ur sleeves and get to work. u throw some broth and vegetables into the pot• u cut some kimchi then some fishcake some spring onions u get the pork out of the fridge• u think its going well • until u get a text from minhyuk that he’s on the way home• according to ur calculations he was supposed to be coming home late• shit• u do some quick math if u boil the stew at maximum heat for 2 minutes u’ll finish in time before minhyuk gets home so u crank that stove up and • KACHOW the pot overflows• soup is everywhere, the kimchi is on the floor, ur kitchen looks like a natural disaster• “honey! where are u???”• he comes into the kitchen sweaty from practice and ur just on the floor crying next to ur empty pot, food is scattered around the floor• “oh baby what happened?” he cooes at u and crouches down next to u, wiping ur tears with his thumb• u barely manage to get a sentence out• “i-i tried to cook u” u hiccup, “something but e-everything just fell apart” • he kisses u on the forehead and stands up to grab his phone• “well i like pizza. how about we order some pizza and we watch kitchen nightmares yea?” u flinch at kitchen nightmares. “okay how about we watch house hunters” u nod frantically and smile• totally ignore the mess on the floor• u clean it up eventually dont worry

kihyun

• u made a deal with minhyuk that at the next house party u were gonna cook something to bring and kihyun was gonna bake a cake to bring along with the food u made and in return he was gonna make a video of himself flicking a booger and post it on instagram• the problem? minhyuk knows u cant cook for shit and kihyun cant bake for shit • kihyun originally protested saying “he doesn’t want his house to end in flames” but after minhyuk kept egging him on saying he was a wuss, he threw on his apron and started reading martha stewart books• so u and him are in ur kitchen, face in hands and sitting at the counter• “why did i agree to this”• “why did i let u agree to this”• u sigh and slide off the stool. “i mean i can make like, fried rice right?” kihyun groans. “knowing u it might result in a call to 911” u shoot him a glare. “hey bobby flay at least i know how to bake a cake”• he scratches his head and gets off the stool. “how about we make this a competition between ourselves. whoever makes the better dish wins”• “ur on yoo kihyun”• its like iron chef u two start scrambling around ur kitchen, opening cabinets and packages • u lift the lid of the rice cooker and groan in frustration as u see a clean, empty container• kihyun indulges himself in a shrill giggle until it abruptly stops when he’s opened the last cabinet and found no cake mix• “u’ve got to be kidding me” • u hover over the grey pot, finally shutting off the faucet when the rice grains look like they’re drowning in tap water • kihyun’s throwing sugar, flour, and eggs into a bowl, trusting his “chef’s intuition” that he doesn’t need measuring cups for a mere cake• u throw the soggy rice into the pan and just start adding stuff u think will taste good together in there. zucchini, bits of kale, ketchup, leftover chicken that probably has been sitting in ur fridge for at least 2 weeks • it smells pretty goddamn awful but when u look over at kihyun u think u have a good shot at winning• he’s gotten green food coloring all over his hands and t-shirt and the batter’s completely runny• “how u doin ogre there”• “im never doing this ever again”

hyungwon

• u two are laying on opposite sides of the couch, sitting up to show each other dog pictures and whatnot• u see a video on instagram showing u how to make this yummy looking beef over rice thing• u lean over hyungwons knee, excitedly showing him the video and how u should make it for him• he gives u this knowing look • “(y/n) do u remember the last time u cooked something?”• “no why”• “i was taking a nap and u tried to make this weird chicken thing u saw on youtube”• “uh huh”• “and when i walked into the kitchen”• “yea?”• “i have never seen so much fire-”• u playfully slap him on the thigh, pouting. “i forgot to turn the stove down while it was boiling!!!” u huff, turning away while crossing ur arms• hyungwon laughs and sits up to ruffle ur hair• “but u made it up by baking cupcakes to give to the very nice firemen who saved our apartment”• u giggle and bring ur knees up to ur chin, reminiscing in the time u almost burned down ur entire apartment complex• hyungwon sits crosslegged facing u, staring at ur face• “what?”• “im just wondering how the hell u managed to do that”• “no cupcakes for u then”• he whines and the two of u share a laugh and settle back into the sofa to continue laughing at twitter memes

jooheon

• he never fails to send u a text asking if u’ve eaten yet and if ur free, to go out and get lunch together• its the sweetest thing and u decide u wanna do something nice for him• so u roll up ur sleeves and make a lunchbox for him. its kinda childish but it seems easy to make and for ur……limited cooking skills, its ideal• ur in the kitchen, scraping an egg off the pan as it burns to a crisp• “aw man that was the last egg,” u whine, looking at all the failed prototypes on a plate next to the stove• u begrudgingly roll up the burnt egg in the lunchbox and set up some lettuce on the side, trying to make it presentable at least• now time for the Meat• the last time u cooked meat was when u and jooheon were out eating kbbq and whenever the tongs were in ur hand u’d somehow toss the meat in a way that cooked it. lets say well overdone• jooheon had to call a worker to get the fire down even tho it was at its lowest heat. nobody on the restaurant knows how u did it• so yea ur not the best at cooking meat but hey second times the charm• so u slide the beef into the pan, satisfied with the sizzling sound that came after• now the hard part. knowing when to flip it so it doesnt slowly burn into charcoal. so u just keep flipping it mindlessly, too scared to let it burn• the beef is just NOT turning the brown that it usually does when jooheon cooks it and u settle for when the beef is a weird brown, pink, red—u dont even know what color it is but its 12:30pm and jooheons lunch break is about to start• u shrug as u pack the lunchbox. u made cookies before this mess so• u drive up to the building complex and climb up the stairs to his studio. u punch in the passcode and pop the door open• jooheon hears the door click and turns around in his chair, giving u that sweet dimpled smile • u show him the lunchbox and bag of cookies u’ve been hiding behind ur back and he opens his arms to bring u into a hug• “how did i get so lucky?” he kisses the top of ur head and sits u down on his lap• he turns the chair around and u place the lunchbox and the cookie bag on his desk in front of his monitor and open it• he has to stop himself from laughing, the corners of his lips trembling to rise into a smile. u flick him on the arm, a smile growing on ur own face. “shut up i tried my best!!!!!”• jooheon kisses ur temple, a small chuckle leaving his lips still dumbfounded by the mess of food in the lunchbox• “i made cookies?” u suggest• “yea we can share those” jooheon closes the lunchbox

changkyun

• u guys ate out at this one restaurant that had really good pork stir fry• so naturally u two went to the internet and searched up recipes to cook at home, inspired by the dish• after finding a seemingly easy recipe online, u and changkyun head to the kitchen and grab whatevers in ur fridge• oh by the way its 1 in the morning so theres no supermarkets still open • it sounded like a good idea at the time• anyways u two are jus rummaging through ur kitchen, substituting whatever needs to be substituted• “hey kyun we’re outta sugar”• “we have lucky charms”• “that works” • u and him lay out the shabby ingredients on the counter• pork? eh leftover hot wings should do• bok choy? iceberg lettuce thats been sitting in ur fridge for 3 months• but at least u have soy sauce• u start choppin up the lettuce, slicin and dicin and ignoring whatever wilted leaves u see bc hey food is food• changkyun: hey how do i start the stove• “…….ur kidding right”• u put down ur knife and walk to the stove, hesitant to turn any knobs• “um its this one right?”• u switch on the stove on the inner right corner which seemed fine to u…….until the roll of napkins next to it caught fire• “HOLY SH-” “HOLY SHIT”• the fire alarm starts beeping and u freak out and start blowing on it until changkyun shoves his hand into ur face. “DONT BLOW ON IT ITLL GET BIGGER” • “WHAT DO WE DO THEN”• luckily ur dating the son of a scientist so he grabs a pot lid from the cabinet underneath and throws it on top of the fire, stopping the flow of oxygen and u hear the sizzle of ur bounty napkins • u and changkyun breathe out a relieved sigh and u lean on him• u suggest making cookies tomorrow and changkyun insists on putting lucky charms in them• u roll ur eyes, “yea yea whatever lets clean up and go to bed”

[s3venpounds]

1-104

YA CHEEKY LITTLE CUNT love you tho because its always fun to do these asks even though everyone who reads will probs forget all these details in like the span of a week.

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

wanna go again?

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

nothing anymore

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

depends on what drugs, the severity of the side effects, the cost of said drugs, and how addicted they are to it. like if its weed sure go ahead long as it isn’t around me not a big fan of the smell. crystal meth however i would probably be turned off or just attempt to get them off it. over the counter drugs though is fine too.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? yep

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes. horribly messed up. still think about it tbh

7. What does your last received text say? “ well i think you can just wax with whatever length but it wont be able to cling to your hair well”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? lost count too busy being happy at the time

9. Where was your last kiss at? a bus stop

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? yesterday

11. What do you drink in the morning? nothing. i dont wake up in the morning

12. Where did you sleep last night? my couch because its fucking comfier than my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? most def. wouldn’t have it any other way though. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? yeah

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

yeah, the fact we haven’t talked in months, and because i’m pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me lol

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? rainy, free shower

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? dont got a middle name so i guess yes?

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? boxing shorts 

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? ahahaha no.

20. Does anyone like you? trust me, if i knew i would do something about it

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? its rude to say but i don’t remember but from what i do remember its a no

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? not gay specifically at least from what i’ve been told by said person

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? 3 people specifically. not gonna name them

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? multiple times, talked to tattoo artists, people who had multiple tattoos, people who are first timers so yeah i want one maybe 5

25. In the past week have you cried? yeah anime hurts the feels bro

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?does pictures on tumblr count? if yes, a shiba inu, if no, golden retriever

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? out of the shower, i feel like im gonna slip and fall if i stay in there too long

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? yeah he doesn’t use lip balm often so it was kinda rough

29. Do you think you’re old? yeah

30. Do you like text messaging? most def. i like texting more than talking since i can think about my words and play it off as just “ yeah i was busy” also i find myself a better conversationalist on texts than in person

31. What type of day are you having? a shitty one but i showered so im feeling refreshed at least

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? nope, i have thought about getting spider bites on my lower lip but i dont think i can pull it off

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? cold weather, i hate bugs and indoor volleyball is nice

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?yeah

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? a relationship. flings hurt afterwards and to me theres no feelings behind it so youre left feeling empty

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? i wanna say simple but everyone knows everyones complicated. if someones simple that just means theyre not letting off everything at the get go

37. What song are you listening to? lie to me george nozuka

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? of course i do. does it mean i wont make the same mistake? nope. it just means i’ll take steps to preventing it from happening again. if it happens again then ill keep trying. all you can do when you fuck up is to just keep trying to prevent it from happening again. 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? i’d like to think so40. What made you start liking the person you like now?vibrant personality that draws you in. playful demeanor. likes geeky things like i do. has deep thoughts that make me want to ponder existence with them. likes physical intimacy. and the first thought when i saw her was that i wanted to protect her, care for her, and guide her in life if ever she needs help. 41. When did you last receive a text message? 8:43 am monday42. What is wrong with you right now? im not independent? i rely on friends and other stuff to grant me happiness when really the only source of happiness i can rely on if to draw it from myself. friends help but they can’t be the only source. i have trouble moving on from past issues, constantly weighed down by past decisions and mistakes when i should have passed it a long time ago.43. How well do you know the last female you texted? not very well however she knows me very well since i vent to her lol44. Does anyone disgust you? yeah the same 3 people i mentioned that i cannot stand.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? most likely yeah46. Are you in a good mood right now? nope. neutral if anything47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?me mother before she left for a bus shuttle to fort mac48. What color shirt are you wearing? nude. no plans today, or guests so that means no pants, no shirt and occasionally if im feeling happy enough, no underwear either49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? not recently. i have a feeling that i’ve given off the vibe to all my friends that they have to tip toe around me about a lot of topics else they’ll make me sad. i’d rather a splash of cold water in the face than some shitty lie50. Anyone you’re giving up on? myself mostly.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? i never hate the people i used to date. i hate the decisions i made that lead to breaking up. i tend to think things are never someone else’s fault but more of mine. even if by some weird chance it wasn’t i would twist it so it was my fault. its just easier for everyone that way if people have a scapegoat.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? yeah.53. Do you like rain? i love it. sometimes on rare occasions i can almost feel the shitty person inside me just kinda slide off my skin and drip off the tips of my fingers and i feel … complete? is the best way i can put it54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? nope. party all you like, im just not too keen on drinking very often or partying very often. although when i do party ill party hard.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? who hasnt?56. Do you like to cuddle? love it. spooning, arm on shoulder, hugging from behind, them sitting on your lap, them holding you from behind. my skin feels electric when the person i love has their skin against mine.57. Are you shy? i’d like to say im not58. Do you get along with girls? i’d like to say i do59. Have you dated the person you texted last? not going to lie hahah i considered it at some point60. What do you carry with you at all times? phone, wallet , keys.61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? yeah most likely. the economy sucks bro.62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? yeah assuming i dont fuck up lol63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?nope. sadly.64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? DAMN STRAIGHT.  shit would be like a good luck charm65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? my niece tried to say duck and instead said fuck

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? probably going to get some questionable looks from this but 16, 24, 21

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? pay for a pro, i am NOT an artistic person.   68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    zebra. black and white. leopard print makes me think a white 40 something year old with plastic surgery, hair thats half a meter tall and nails that are longer than most men’s penises talking with a southern belle accent that tries to hit on pool boys69. Do you have any stickers on your car? none70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? i hate country and im not a fan of lil wayne anymore so i guess lil wayne if i absolutely have to.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    android 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    couple days ago?73. Do you like diet soda?    hate it. feels fake to me74. What color are the walls in your room?    boring beige75. Are you 16 or older?    yes.76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    heard of it, seen gifs, dont plan on watching it77. Do you have a job?    as of now yeah.  78. What are your initials?    SM79. Did you ever have braces?  nope.  i had retainers but i kept breaking them so my parents were like okay thats enough, its too expensive to replace them lol80. Are you from the south?  im about as north as you can get without living in igloos

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    “day barely started and 4 things putting me in a shitty mood. looks liek today is gonna be loooooooooong”82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    i wish.83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    mother. although im not on good terms with either of them. my mother just has more patience to deal with me84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   i did pom squad which was a pretty shitty version of cheerleading i guess. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? beauty and the beast i thoroughly enjoyed it =]    86. Do you smoke?  weed or cigarettes? either one ive stopped both. not worth it, plus i dislike smelling gross.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    i’ve worn heels before but not for a prolonged period of time but they felt nice so i’d say hells. flip flops keep making annoying sounds and it makes me grind my teeth thinking about it88. Is your phone touch screen?    yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    straight. i’d love it to be a bit curly. i even permed my hair last year apparently it looked good says some friends of mine.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    i snuck out last night lol. the family gave up on stopping me.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    pool. rivers and lakes have the possibility of germs, leeches or other shit. its a hassle to have to take extra precautions92. Have you ever made out in a car?    yep.93. …Had sex in a car?    almost.94. Are you single or in a relationship?   single. 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    playing overwatch with my friend reo.96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    AW COME THE FUCK ON. the last relationship questions weren’t enough to jab a knife in my chest but this too? fuck. whatever. it was at capital ex or k- days whatever the fuck you wanna call it. i had fun. the fireworks wasn’t the only thing that sparked. fuck. instant bad mood.97. Do you like the camera on your phone? yeah its really good. i can take pictures of my friends and even see the condition of their pores and shit its pretty nice.   98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    nope. i’d like to try it though99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    not yet.100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?  yeah. i should really just delete my facebook.  101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?  nope.  102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    Die young103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    nope.104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? sure why not. i’d probs wear assless chaps too if i had a nice ass

[anyhao-archived]

5 things tag meme

alright i was tagged by @actualprincejun (sorry this is so late! you’re the real mvp always tagging me in stuff ilu) to do the 5 things.... tag meme! this is gonna end up being long bc i tend to babble so i’ll put it under a readmore

5 things you’ll find in my bag:

it depends on if you mean backpack or purse. i’ll go with backpack bc that’s more interesting lol i’ll always have 

1) professional stuff like my wallet, school ID, textbooks, etc. along with a million pencils. seriously. idk why i have so many of them?? also my glasses

2) headphones, for obvious reasons lol i dont go anywhere w/o them. 

3) a pack of gum bc god knows i cant go through life without gum lol also for that reason where you can offer gum to people you dont know to socialize with them, PRO TIP FOR ALL YOU ENTERING COLLEGE bring gum so you can give some to your neighbors in class/partners, they’ll like you much better i promise. dont wait for them to ask, offer!!! 

4) i usually have a stash of extra tampons and pads on the off chance i get my period or someone needs one lol

5) a miscellaneous item. it changes by the day. sometimes itll be a bunch of plastic bags, or (most likely) food of some sort lol but ive also found a twenty dollar bill at the bottom of my backpack so its rly just... random. one time i found a gift card to borders, which is funny bc they had been out of business for years when i found that lmao

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom:

im a huge fan of collecting random shitty trinkets that are no use to me whatsoever, so i’ll pick my 5 favorites i guess lol which will likely be incredibly hard... im a hoarder

1) ive got a cute little plant that im convinced is dying, im sorry! the leaves are still green so... i guess its still alive at least a little bit

2) ive got a relatively big replica of the boats from like the 1400s, you know the ones with all those sails and you think of pirates when you see it? yeah thats it 

3) on my wall there’s a bunch of masquerade masks pinned up there, one of them is really nice, im surprised ive not broken it yet. along with the masks are some beautiful folding fans, the ones you always see in historical movies. they’re really breathtaking

4) OH I CANT FORGET ve got my day6 daydream album poster on my wall i love it to bits it just... fits my room so well. i didnt put my mamamoo or seventeen poster up bc day6 feels better in my room

5) ive also got a bunch of these weird... hand things. like ive got two porcelain sculptures of hands put together, holding palms up, like when youre trying to hold water in your hands. i use one of them to put my keys everyday so i know where they are. ones a coin holder. and ive also got a mini statue of just a regular hand and i put my necklaces/jewlery on the fingers to hold. its pretty cool

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life:

1) SKY DIVING!!!!! i am determined to go sky diving before i die. coincidentally, when i get in a... bad .. mood i always remind myself of that pact and im like Alright....... and i feel less bad in that sense i guess. ive seriously wanted to do it for so long but never had the chance/money

2) become fluent in another language will always be one of my lifelong goals. once i learn one, i want to learn another. my problem is i just cant stick with one

3) live in a house with a secret room like with those bookshelves. man that would be cool

4) have all the weird pets. i want a pet rat, a pet iguana, a pet ferret, a parrot, lol that rhymed, you know all the good ones

5) travel, obviously

5 things I’m currently into:

1) writing. i dont think ill ever not be into writing, just my interest will fluxuate i suppose

2) making gifs! i just recently started that and with a friend’s help learned how to do quite a few things in photoshop, so im still trying to learn more about it

3) fuck if i know?? i dont have any interests unless i have 1 and im hyper aware of it

4) in that case kpop i guess

5) ???? someone please tell me who i am

5 things on my to-do list:

1) shower lmao i hate when i dont have stuff to do during the day bc i dont shower i just.... sit. and be on the computer. which is seriously not healthy for me ive found, its a big cause of mental health(TM)

2) get rid of this fucking acne holy shit its so stubborn i may cry ive been trying for months now with a couple different things and Nothing Is Working

3) start actually eating healthy and working out yikes i keep telling myself i will but its just so hard to get started. once im in a routine its fine but the starting.....

4) try to write something even if its just a sentence

5) idk, do my homework maybe and not screw myself over by waiting till the last minute. also i want to get out of the house. this ice storm & 4 day weekend is giving me cabin fever 

5 things people may not know about me:

1) what am i supposed to write here no ones gonna care enough to know these facts lol  i guess for this 1st one ill write that im way less optimistic than people usually think i am im just good at faking it

2) i like to think im good with reading people and knowing them, even if they dont know themselves. 

3) all my job aspirations are too much for me to handle. being a teacher actually wasnt my first choice, its just the one that hurts the least. i wanted to be a therapist, but knew i couldnt talk to a depressed patient without bursting into tears myself. i wanted to be a vet/doctor but i could never handle death. especially being a vet. i wanted to be a forensic analyist or fbi agent or something but that also deals with death and i just... cant. a teacher is realistic. it may not be what i want, but its what im going to be. wow i went on a long tangent there y i k e s

4) i am one of the few people that actually like their parents. they may not be perfect but i have so much to thank them for. also, my mom always told me that if i befriended someone who didnt like their mom/dad/parents that shes your mom now. lol i used to compare her to mrs clause bc thats the type of person she is shes chubby and constantly smells like cookies and smiles all the time and is just... happiness

5) my favorite thing in the world is buying/making presents!!!! bc its one of the only things im good at lol i love giving people presents because theyre always perfectly chosen, a story behind each thing. its the only time my hyperawareness of people and sentimental-ness comes in handy

okay wow that entire thing was long and took forever and tbh i probably said too much but whatever lol ill go ahead and tag a few people. as always, you dont need to if you dont want to! @jmplel @fishpun @whysuga @85milk @kiryues @jihyeon @alipurple

[adambstingus]

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

We know them, we love (most of) them: the impossible-to-buy-for people in your life. Whether its the husband who has everything, or the BFF who just doesnt want a lot of clutter around, they can make gift buying feel like a search for the holy grail.

That’s why we scoured Amazon to find fifteen of the most amazingproducts notebooks that erase themselves in the microwave, to magical pens that let you draw in three dimensions that are sure to surprise, and probably please, those hard-to-buy-for friends.

We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.

1

These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP

via: Amazon

Wine lovers and design aficionados alike are singing the praises of these innovative wine glasses throughout their Amazon reviews. The built-in aerator lets you ditch the decanter and oxygenate your wine on contact so you can dig right into the delicious red nectar. Theyre not inexpensive, but for the type of people fancy enough to aerate their wine in the first place, its surely a paltry sum.

Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly

2

This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise

via: Amazon

FitBits are nice and all, but some days you dont want a big rubber band around your wrist screaming Im health conscious! to everyone you pass. Thats what makes the BellaBeat Leaf Nature Health Trackersuch a refreshing innovation. Beautiful and versatile, the BellaBeat can be worn as a necklace or bracelet, and tracks your daily steps, distance traveled and calories burned.

Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic

3

This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great

via: Amazon

Ditch the Febreze and get your FRiEQ on with the FRiEQ Car Air Purifier. The FRiEQ pumps three million negative ions per cubic centimeter into the air, which destroy odor causing particulates on contact, including mold, bacteria and viruses. Best of all, its powered by your cars 12V plug, so youll never run out of fresh air energy.

Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee

4

These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor

via: Amazon

Rescue your favorite footwear from inevitable shoe-smell with these all-natural, activated charcoal Footwear Deodorizers. And theyre not just for shoes the activated charcoal actively absorbs moisture in any situation, preventing pervasive odors and bacterial growth, so you can easily deodorize stinky refrigerators, closets and basements. They make no claims about stinky husbands, children, or coworkers however.

Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh

…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

5

This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More

via: Amazon

Perfect for your neat-freak friends, the Evriholder FURemover Broom’swide head of 100% natural rubber bristles to grab and trap dirt, dust, lint and pet hair with ease its even got a telescoping handle for reaching the cobwebbiest of corners. Right now its one of the most popular brooms on Amazon, and with well over 2,000 positive reviews, its not hard to see why.

Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.

6

This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries

via: Amazon

If youre not into grilling, you may not be as impressed as I am by the truly innovative Gourmia Grill. It combines the inimitable flavor of a charcoal grill with the ease of non-stick surfaces and battery-powered portability. Perfect for grilling on the patio and small enough to pack for the next tailgate, the Gourmia Grills turbo fan provides precise air control to perfectly grill dogs, burgers, steaks and more, while conserving your charcoal consumption. And that just makes sense. Dollars, and cents.

Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer

7

This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill

via: Amazon

I have a few talents in life. Horticulture is not one of them. Hence my immediate attraction to the Click & Grow Indoor Smart Herb Garden. The manufacturer boasts that growing herbs is as easy as inserting the plant capsules, filling the water tank (possible sticking point), and plugging the unit in. After that, let the automatic hydration system, low-energy LED grow light and the miracle of Mother Nature work their collective magic, and watch as the herbs of your choice spring to life. Delicious, fragrant life.

Snappy Amazon Review: I would have given 5 stars if it had come with something other than just basil. That’s the only thing I’d change. -Meghan

8

This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable

via: Amazon

Since I got one, theiRinghas saved my iPhone from countless potentially devastating smartphone injuries. The iRing attaches via ultra-strong adhesive to the back of your smartphone, giving you a solid, swiveling ring through which to thread a finger of your choice, or with which to prop up your phone for some bedside Netflixin. Oh, and dont forget the included plastic hook, onto which the iRing settles nicely for use in the car.

Snappy Amazon Review: I’m a klutz so I drop stuff all the time, and this really helps. -Lunatique

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

9

This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard

via: Amazon

I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej

10

This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art

via: Amazon

There are few things more irritating than trying to track down a bottle opener when youre hankering for a cold one. Thats why no one will complain when you gift them this impossible-to-lose Master Magnetics Bottle Opener. Strong magnets keep it adhered to the beer cooler (aka, refrigerator), where it can amass an ever-growing collection of child artwork, or a collection of bottle caps so large it might force you to reevaluate your life choices.

Snappy Amazon Review: The magnets are really strong. -Edward

11

These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food

via: Amazon

MBerry Drops contain extracts from the so-called miracle fruit a mysterious berry that causes some pretty serious shifts in your taste perception. Dissolve one of these ten tablets on your tongue, and everything changes. Lemons taste like lemonade. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Cheese tastes like frosting. You suddenly achieve the body of your dreams. Okay, were lying about that last part, but we swear these drops are the real, and somewhat freaky, deal.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yes they work. -Heart Dad

12

This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave

via: Amazon

While the surveillance utility of microwave ovens has been debunked, the ability of microwaves to completely clear the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook of your top-secret doodles or late-night confessions is fully bunked. Seriously, this notebook erases itself in the microwave. And it even comes with a Rocketbook app which scans your work in hi-def before obliteration.

Snappy Amazon Review: I love this notebook. -ecaminos

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

13

This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone

via: Amazon

Say it three times fast: Primal Pit Paste Deodorant. PPPD is an all-natural solution to body odor, featuring a 100% aluminum-free mixture of shea butter, arrowroot powder and baking soda for an odor fighting and soothing solution. But lets be honest, youre just buying this to give your friend something called Primal Pit Paste.

Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen

14

This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices

via: Amazon

For those of us that struggle to draw even the simplest of 3d figures, the 3Doodler Create 3D Pen is a mind-blowing game changer, allowing even the most challenged of artists to realize their visions in 3D plastic reality. Like normal 3D printers, the 3Doodler extrudes melted plastic, which dries almost instantly as you bring your vision to life whether that be a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, or a drooping mess of an attempt at a human head. Theres certainly a learning curve with the 3Doodler, but the potential for awesomeness cant be denied.

Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn

15

These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability

via: Amazon

To be fair, theres a veritable menagerie of adorable animal-shaped tea infusers on Amazon. Seriously. Manatees, sloths, baby dinosaurs. But when it comes to a combination of cute and unique, nothing rivals a platypus. Especially platypus tea infusers. Especially when theyre called Mr. & Mrs. PlaTEApus. Come on. Just take my money already. These silicone platypi prop themselves on the edge of your tea cup and slowly infuse your favorite loose-leaf tea through tiny holes in their adorable bellies. And they come in their own gift box. I cant take it.

Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer

16

This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity

via: Amazon

This small but mighty Deneve Essential Oil Diffuser and Humidifier can fill a space of up to 250 square feet with delightfully scented mist, while also putting on an ever-changing light show. Its the easy way to throw the most soothing of at-home raves.

Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

17

This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe

via: Amazon

Your bathroom karaoke game just got way more serious. Kohlers MoxieShowerhead and Wireless Speaker combines a sixty-nozzle shower head with a removable, rechargeable bluetooth speaker, allowing you to stream all of your top tunes while you steam your way to relaxation. And when the speakers lithium ion battery runs low, just pop it from its magnetic hold in the shower head and plug it into the included USB cable for a quick charge. You’ll be up and showering-singing again in no time.

Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon

18

The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go

via: Amazon

Okay, so since it exploded on Shark Tank, the Squatty Potty hasnt exactly been an unknown quantity. But that doesnt make it any less bizarre (or useful!) of a gift. The manufacturer recommends that beginning squatters start with the 7-inch Squatty, though those limber of leg and/or well-practiced in the art of squatting can venture up to the 9-inch SP. With sales in the millions and celebrities like Howard Stern touting the effectiveness of the simple bathroom stool, its safe to say the Squatty Potty isnt a passing phase its a movement.

Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.

19

The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board

via: Amazon

Synergy. Leverage. Ideation. These corporate buzzwords arent just limited to conference rooms anymore. With the Think Premium Board Medium, you can have the power of the white board anywhere you please! But seriously, this 2-foot by 3-foot clear sheet adheres to almost any surface, so you can doodle, plan, outline and scheme to your hearts dry-erase delight.

Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace

20

These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking

via: Amazon

No longer must you choose between red wine and a white smile. These Wine Wipes pack just enough hydrogen peroxide to wipe stains away from your pearly whites, without interfering with the delicious flavor.

Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

Load Comments

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/20-weird-but-genius-products-on-amazon-for-people-who-have-everything/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182059588112

[allofbeercom]

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

We know them, we love (most of) them: the impossible-to-buy-for people in your life. Whether its the husband who has everything, or the BFF who just doesnt want a lot of clutter around, they can make gift buying feel like a search for the holy grail.

That’s why we scoured Amazon to find fifteen of the most amazingproducts notebooks that erase themselves in the microwave, to magical pens that let you draw in three dimensions that are sure to surprise, and probably please, those hard-to-buy-for friends.

We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.

1

These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP

via: Amazon

Wine lovers and design aficionados alike are singing the praises of these innovative wine glasses throughout their Amazon reviews. The built-in aerator lets you ditch the decanter and oxygenate your wine on contact so you can dig right into the delicious red nectar. Theyre not inexpensive, but for the type of people fancy enough to aerate their wine in the first place, its surely a paltry sum.

Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly

2

This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise

via: Amazon

FitBits are nice and all, but some days you dont want a big rubber band around your wrist screaming Im health conscious! to everyone you pass. Thats what makes the BellaBeat Leaf Nature Health Trackersuch a refreshing innovation. Beautiful and versatile, the BellaBeat can be worn as a necklace or bracelet, and tracks your daily steps, distance traveled and calories burned.

Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic

3

This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great

via: Amazon

Ditch the Febreze and get your FRiEQ on with the FRiEQ Car Air Purifier. The FRiEQ pumps three million negative ions per cubic centimeter into the air, which destroy odor causing particulates on contact, including mold, bacteria and viruses. Best of all, its powered by your cars 12V plug, so youll never run out of fresh air energy.

Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee

4

These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor

via: Amazon

Rescue your favorite footwear from inevitable shoe-smell with these all-natural, activated charcoal Footwear Deodorizers. And theyre not just for shoes the activated charcoal actively absorbs moisture in any situation, preventing pervasive odors and bacterial growth, so you can easily deodorize stinky refrigerators, closets and basements. They make no claims about stinky husbands, children, or coworkers however.

Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh

…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

5

This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More

via: Amazon

Perfect for your neat-freak friends, the Evriholder FURemover Broom’swide head of 100% natural rubber bristles to grab and trap dirt, dust, lint and pet hair with ease its even got a telescoping handle for reaching the cobwebbiest of corners. Right now its one of the most popular brooms on Amazon, and with well over 2,000 positive reviews, its not hard to see why.

Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.

6

This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries

via: Amazon

If youre not into grilling, you may not be as impressed as I am by the truly innovative Gourmia Grill. It combines the inimitable flavor of a charcoal grill with the ease of non-stick surfaces and battery-powered portability. Perfect for grilling on the patio and small enough to pack for the next tailgate, the Gourmia Grills turbo fan provides precise air control to perfectly grill dogs, burgers, steaks and more, while conserving your charcoal consumption. And that just makes sense. Dollars, and cents.

Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer

7

This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill

via: Amazon

I have a few talents in life. Horticulture is not one of them. Hence my immediate attraction to the Click & Grow Indoor Smart Herb Garden. The manufacturer boasts that growing herbs is as easy as inserting the plant capsules, filling the water tank (possible sticking point), and plugging the unit in. After that, let the automatic hydration system, low-energy LED grow light and the miracle of Mother Nature work their collective magic, and watch as the herbs of your choice spring to life. Delicious, fragrant life.

Snappy Amazon Review: I would have given 5 stars if it had come with something other than just basil. That’s the only thing I’d change. -Meghan

8

This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable

via: Amazon

Since I got one, theiRinghas saved my iPhone from countless potentially devastating smartphone injuries. The iRing attaches via ultra-strong adhesive to the back of your smartphone, giving you a solid, swiveling ring through which to thread a finger of your choice, or with which to prop up your phone for some bedside Netflixin. Oh, and dont forget the included plastic hook, onto which the iRing settles nicely for use in the car.

Snappy Amazon Review: I’m a klutz so I drop stuff all the time, and this really helps. -Lunatique

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

9

This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard

via: Amazon

I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej

10

This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art

via: Amazon

There are few things more irritating than trying to track down a bottle opener when youre hankering for a cold one. Thats why no one will complain when you gift them this impossible-to-lose Master Magnetics Bottle Opener. Strong magnets keep it adhered to the beer cooler (aka, refrigerator), where it can amass an ever-growing collection of child artwork, or a collection of bottle caps so large it might force you to reevaluate your life choices.

Snappy Amazon Review: The magnets are really strong. -Edward

11

These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food

via: Amazon

MBerry Drops contain extracts from the so-called miracle fruit a mysterious berry that causes some pretty serious shifts in your taste perception. Dissolve one of these ten tablets on your tongue, and everything changes. Lemons taste like lemonade. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Cheese tastes like frosting. You suddenly achieve the body of your dreams. Okay, were lying about that last part, but we swear these drops are the real, and somewhat freaky, deal.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yes they work. -Heart Dad

12

This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave

via: Amazon

While the surveillance utility of microwave ovens has been debunked, the ability of microwaves to completely clear the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook of your top-secret doodles or late-night confessions is fully bunked. Seriously, this notebook erases itself in the microwave. And it even comes with a Rocketbook app which scans your work in hi-def before obliteration.

Snappy Amazon Review: I love this notebook. -ecaminos

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

13

This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone

via: Amazon

Say it three times fast: Primal Pit Paste Deodorant. PPPD is an all-natural solution to body odor, featuring a 100% aluminum-free mixture of shea butter, arrowroot powder and baking soda for an odor fighting and soothing solution. But lets be honest, youre just buying this to give your friend something called Primal Pit Paste.

Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen

14

This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices

via: Amazon

For those of us that struggle to draw even the simplest of 3d figures, the 3Doodler Create 3D Pen is a mind-blowing game changer, allowing even the most challenged of artists to realize their visions in 3D plastic reality. Like normal 3D printers, the 3Doodler extrudes melted plastic, which dries almost instantly as you bring your vision to life whether that be a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, or a drooping mess of an attempt at a human head. Theres certainly a learning curve with the 3Doodler, but the potential for awesomeness cant be denied.

Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn

15

These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability

via: Amazon

To be fair, theres a veritable menagerie of adorable animal-shaped tea infusers on Amazon. Seriously. Manatees, sloths, baby dinosaurs. But when it comes to a combination of cute and unique, nothing rivals a platypus. Especially platypus tea infusers. Especially when theyre called Mr. & Mrs. PlaTEApus. Come on. Just take my money already. These silicone platypi prop themselves on the edge of your tea cup and slowly infuse your favorite loose-leaf tea through tiny holes in their adorable bellies. And they come in their own gift box. I cant take it.

Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer

16

This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity

via: Amazon

This small but mighty Deneve Essential Oil Diffuser and Humidifier can fill a space of up to 250 square feet with delightfully scented mist, while also putting on an ever-changing light show. Its the easy way to throw the most soothing of at-home raves.

Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

17

This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe

via: Amazon

Your bathroom karaoke game just got way more serious. Kohlers MoxieShowerhead and Wireless Speaker combines a sixty-nozzle shower head with a removable, rechargeable bluetooth speaker, allowing you to stream all of your top tunes while you steam your way to relaxation. And when the speakers lithium ion battery runs low, just pop it from its magnetic hold in the shower head and plug it into the included USB cable for a quick charge. You’ll be up and showering-singing again in no time.

Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon

18

The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go

via: Amazon

Okay, so since it exploded on Shark Tank, the Squatty Potty hasnt exactly been an unknown quantity. But that doesnt make it any less bizarre (or useful!) of a gift. The manufacturer recommends that beginning squatters start with the 7-inch Squatty, though those limber of leg and/or well-practiced in the art of squatting can venture up to the 9-inch SP. With sales in the millions and celebrities like Howard Stern touting the effectiveness of the simple bathroom stool, its safe to say the Squatty Potty isnt a passing phase its a movement.

Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.

19

The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board

via: Amazon

Synergy. Leverage. Ideation. These corporate buzzwords arent just limited to conference rooms anymore. With the Think Premium Board Medium, you can have the power of the white board anywhere you please! But seriously, this 2-foot by 3-foot clear sheet adheres to almost any surface, so you can doodle, plan, outline and scheme to your hearts dry-erase delight.

Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace

20

These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking

via: Amazon

No longer must you choose between red wine and a white smile. These Wine Wipes pack just enough hydrogen peroxide to wipe stains away from your pearly whites, without interfering with the delicious flavor.

Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran

More posts in #Bizarre

People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing

14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense

22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable

Load Comments

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/20-weird-but-genius-products-on-amazon-for-people-who-have-everything/

[s3venpounds]

1-98

thank you my dewd for giving me something to do! ngl was going kinda insane and i’ll take anything over doing chores tbh also sorry if this is hella late

weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs usually because they hold more liquid and i use them for everything lol tea, coffee, alcohol, soda

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

lollipops, i like having something in my mouth for long amounts of time(and yes pun intended)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy oh my god. I have such a sweet tooth its ridiculous. I once bought 7 large bags of cotton candy from K days and ate them for the next 2 months even when they got hard and probably nasty lmao i just love that shit. even cotton candy flavoured stuff ( except vodka. thats a trap. )

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

shy, reserved, well behaved basically i was a wimpy little shit

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I like them in glass cups so i can clean it afterwards and use it again later, waste makes me feel guilty

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

if its applied to me? pastel. I love brighter colors after i stopped wearing blacks greys and whites. they feel so good and look so nice. on someone im interested in? sportswear, formal, grunge, goth, pastel, tomboy. in no particular order. if its sportswear stuff that really highlights muscles and how toned they are just MMMMMMMM. formal is fuckkkkkkking attractive. like if the white collar shirt is unbuttoned halfway and the blazer is rolled up? or no blazer but with suspenders and the sleeves rolled up? OMG i will literally lick their collarbones idgaf

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones, mostly because its just healthier for your ears, as much as i like earphones and use them more often i just prefer headphones cuz people usually dont bother me, i do dislike the hat hair though and how bulky they are

8. movies or tv shows?

im kind of a weeb so i much prefer tv shows with regular releases so im not waiting 6 years or something for avengers lol i need my fixxxxxxxxxxx

9. favorite smell in the summer?

after rain smell or during rain smell idk. carnival food? the ocean? just water scents i guess

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

dance or volleyball both of which im still doing to this day very happily c:

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

cereal, maybe some nutella, whatevers left over if someone cooked the night prior or just basic bacon eggs and rice. fried rice if im feeling lucky

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Emotions empty. YEET

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard. I’ve had the same spidergwen/ghost spider lanyard since like 2015 and i refuse to use another lol. it feels so cool to yank on the lanyard and swing it around

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

rock candy. hands down. that shit makes me nutty. like if i was an earth bender or some shit i’d make a giant club made of the stuff and smack people with it and lick it afterwards

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

the outsiders probably i mean its not like crazy favourite but like its the one i enjoyed the most out of the ones i was forced to read (i really hate being forced to do shit)

16. most comfortable position to sit in? criss cross as im doing right now lmao or sitting on one of my legs

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? ah shit I just threw them out cuz they were old af but i had these nike high tops with the little puffy thing that inflates the sides of the shoes to make it more comfortable and it was so good in the winter and summer. it like breathed enough to let my feet stay nice and cool but it also stayed warm and never let snow get in my shoes cuz they were so high they acted like boots. i wore those for like my entire highschool experience

18. ideal weather?

raining. or breezy day. wind makes me sleepy and rain makes me excited to jump around in puddles and run as if my lifes calling is pulling me towards it

19. sleeping position? 

I always sleep on my stomach. its my most comfortable position and i knock out so easily if i do. apparently its a family thing too lol my siblings all outgrew it but w.e

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? 

on a laptop or in my journal. the tapping of laptop keys makes me feel productive while writing in my journal makes me feel like itll be saved for the rest of my life

21. obsession from childhood?

psychology and the inner workings of the mind. why something thinks lowly of themselves, why someone thinks highly of themselves, how they came to this decision, why they thought to refuse this and that its really interesting to me to see peoples reasoning

22. role model?

not even a physical person but ALL MIGHT from my hero academia or boku no hero academia. yknow that phrase ? “ what would jesus do?” yeah its “what would all might do?” for me luuuuuuuuuuuuul

23. strange habits?

i dont really know any strange habits myself but im sure my friend justin knows a few

24. favorite crystal?

crystal???? uhhh i dont know much about this but i guess i would go with emerald? since its my birth stone?

25. first song you remember hearing?

a barney song. i shit you not.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

I dont really like the heat all that much. summer is just suffering to me tbh lol like what do you do when youve taken off all ur clothes, ur AC is dead and your room is the highest room in the house where all the heat gathers? nothing. you do nothing. you cry and almost get heat stroke.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

I loooooooooooove snowboarding im not good at it though but god damn its fun. specially with friends and learning together it makes me so happy seeing people grow c:

28. five songs to describe you?

fix you cold play(currently listening to this), im still here (treasure planet soundtrack) by john reznik, Good things fall apart Jon bellion, lost stars Adam levine, After Dark Asian Kung Fu Generation. is what i can say so far? i’ve got tons of songs i relate to those are the ones that just popped into mind

29. best way to bond with you?

be physical. touch me, graze me, be comfortable with me and hold up a conversation. As much as i like talking I LOVE hearing about the people im interacting with. hobbies, dreams, goals, nightmares everything. other than that? just spend time with me. any time is fine. i do prefer really deep conversations at like 3 am lol

30. places that you find sacred?

sacred to me? St. Clements park and not much else. a looooooooooot of shit has happened there. my first kiss, my worst break up, my best make up/make out, my best date. 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I got these leather boots that do a clack sound on pavement and i feel powerful as fuck. I got this really high quality black formal shirt from le chateau that breathes really well and highlights my figure. I have these black jeans with zippers above and below the kneecap that make me feel dope. so yeah full black lol. theres also this grey sweater i have that flows in the wing like a cape and i feel like a superhero when wind blows it behind me

32. top five favorite vines?

ok ok theres this one i cannot find again for the life of me but its like this asian guy sittin in a stall taking a dump and it cuts to an ice cream dispenser then some dude knocks on the door and the asian guy gasps and it cuts to the ice cream dispenser but goes backwards so the poop is like going back in and the asian guy goes like “ unnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and shudders and i like fucking collapse a lung everytime i think about it. some of king vaders anime parodies are fucking hilarious, the dude who made that vine where “ if johnny has 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ wait why does johnny have 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ mind your business david” while playing with dishsoap lmao. OH OH and that one where the kid puts random shit on his head to signify its his mom like where he goes “ I like ya accent where ya from?” “ im from liberia” “ *in a whisper* oh my bad I like ya accent where ya from” yeah this is longer than i thought i’ll stop it here i still got like 60 questions left

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“lmao” i’ve now used to as a similar term to lol. sometimes i say it in irl like “ le mao” and i internally cringe everytime

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

pizza 73, sleep country canada “why buy a mattress any where elseee” and some spotify ads cuz theyre fucking everywhere

35. average time you fall asleep?

midnight or 10 at the earliest

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

god... uhhh.. one of those rage comics those old ass black n white memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag, i am NOT organized enough for a suitcase plus duffels i can carry across my chest like a backpack

38. lemonade or tea?

oof. lemonade from k days was really gooooooood. but tea is something im always comfortable with.. ill go with tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake defnitely. cake tastes more mellow while meringue is like a burst of flavour right away

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

a dude OD’d during school hours or that time a dude had a seisure in class

41. last person you texted?

clarence

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

jacket pockets if i wanna look badass, pants pockets if im just being a panda

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

oooof. uhh leather or bomber. leather because i love biker aesthetic too and bomber just looks comfy

44. favorite scent for soap?

i dont particularly have one but i do like old spice or irish spring

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

SUPERHERO. HANDS DOWN. fantasy second and sci fi 3rd.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

.... naked. only on days i cannot sleep at all

47. favorite type of cheese?

uhh fuck dude uhm.. toss up between cream cheese or parmesan

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

durian. I hate durian. its spiky on the outside, smells like burnt asshole but taste is redeeming

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

inside jokes with justin. just hanging out with the dude I had the best gut wrenching laughs of my life. laughs where my jaw hurt from laughing, i lost feeling in my cheeks, my face was red and couldnt stop crying. those laughs.

51. current stresses?

job security, love life, and friends who are currently getting more and more busy and cant hang out as often

52. favorite font?

IDK? Helvetica?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry and typing.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

People are stupid as fuck. and coworkers are dangerous thanks alex for throwing a kitchen knife at me

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk if it counts since disney always makes fairytales but treasure planet?

56. favorite tradition? 

probably christmas because i think its super important who you choose to spend it with and who you DO spend it with is a sign of how much they mean to you

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

dads abuse, my biggest break up, my friends attempted suicide

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

yknow the devil sign you make by closing your hand in a fist except your pinky and pointer finger? i can make my pointer and pinky touch. I also have been told my volleyball spikes have been really good recently. uhh my dancing I guess? singing?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

EVERYTHINGS FINE WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

My hero academia. hands down.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

You got the makings of greatness in you, but you gotta take the helm and chart your own course! Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes, you'll get the chance to really test the cut of your sails and show what you're made of! And... well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light coming off you that day. TREASURE FUCKING PLANET BOIIIIIIIIIIS

62. seven characters you relate to?

jim hawkins, hikigaya hachiman, shoya ishida, natsuki subaru, Hinata Shoyo, Hiccup, roxas.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

oh god. uhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. learn to fly foo fighters? castle on the hill ed sheeran? man idk im not huge on clubs, just shit from like 2000′s rock bands that white person knows the lyrics to and probably screamed in their room when they were mad

64. favorite website from your childhood?

YTV when they first released those side kick things thos games were so cool except that one day where the sidekick turned into a monster i legit got scared lol

65. any permanent scars?

tons actually and i love em! they remind me that things happened and that i wont ever forget them. currently tryna get a scar for volleyball HEHEHE

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont know much about flowers but roses and lavender is nice. and that flower in philippines where if you touch it, it like curls into itself. 

67. good luck charms?

the keychains people i’ve fallen for have given to me. like this one bullet bill keychain AB gave me when we first met in highschool. i still have it. its faded and chipped in places but i feel like it makes me feel stronger yknow?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

birthday cake vodka. hands down. and i’ve literally tasted my own puss from an infected wound on accident

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

in philippines flies are always swarming around peoples food so what i learned was to rip up the napkin to look like that thing people used to dust the house and it keeps them away if you swing it at them

70. left or right handed?

right handed c:

71. least favorite pattern?

pattern? uhh anything disorienting i guess

72. worst subject?

math. 100% math. 

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

meatball marinara sub with like every sauce from subway

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

8. i think i have a high pain tolerance

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i dont remember.. maybe like 6?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

MASHED POTATOES.FRJISD

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

not a big fan of plants....

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

sushi from a grocery store. just cuz im not willing to pay 30 bucks for somewhat fresh stuff from a retaurant

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school id funny enough

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

...what? i guess jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

FIREFLIES OWL CITYYYYYYYYY

82. pc or console?

console. i have a better understanding of how console plays vs computer. computer is too finicky for me and aiming is a lot harder. console i know how people on console move and how i move and how to aim. 

83. writing or drawing?

writing. if i knew how to draw though thatd be a different answer

84. podcasts or talk radio?

talk radio cuz i like to phone in and talk about my experiences lol i got to be on one actually it was dope

84. barbie or polly pocket?

uhhhhhh barbie?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

death. or atleast what happens afterwards

88. your greatest wish?

to be a hero. 

89. who would you put before everyone else?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Z

90. luckiest mistake?

one time in gym class we were playing dodgeball and i slipped trying to run backwards and a dude threw a ball at me but i kicked it in a way it went straight up and i had enough time to catch it

91. boxes or bags?

boxes, much better leverage and storing is like a game of tetris!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

lamps or overheads. sunlight has glare on my stuff and its hard to play and fairylights arent enough 

93. nicknames?

tin man, AG, metal man, poetry man, silverado, silver city, quick silver anything with silver really.

94. favorite season?

fall and winter. winter being the best

95. favorite app on your phone?

Epic seven

96. desktop background? its a picture of hinata shoyo from HAIKYUU!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

only 1. thats my own lmao

98. favorite historical era?

uhhhhhh shit idk. they all seemed pretty shitty tbh..........